#i wasn’t expecting such a positive reaction from everyone but now that it’s happening?? i’m so flipping happy

[goldendoodlerlockerlove]

We’re now four days away from Geneuary officially beginning!! I’m vibrating with excitement. It’s going to be incredible. I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you guys again for being so sweet and patient and supportive throughout this entire process. Geneuary wouldn’t be happening without all of you!!

It’s another big day today: It’s my dad’s birthday!! 🥳 🎂 🙌🏼🎈

So in honor of his birthday and Geneuary beginning in just four days (except for @unclefathersantateddy who gets a shoutout for being an absolute boss and making Geneuary every day this month by drawing Gene every day) I wanted to do another random poll!!

Also, as a special treat, I wanted to share a sneak peek of one of my Geneuary pieces that I finished up last night!! I am still very behind, but enjoyed how this one came out:

[writingshushf1]

Does your mother know?

Summary: "Now you're so cute, I like your style And I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile"

When a new Ferrari driver crosses paths with the one and only Sebastian Vettel.

Rating: +18

Warnings: shameless smut, age gap, grief/mourning, slight mdom vibes, y/n being a brat, oral (f and m receiving), p in v (wrap it before you tap it!!!)

Word count: 4.8k

Note: more filthy fiction w/ seb! they have a 8/10 year age gap, if that bothers you- don’t read! 

masterlist

There's that look in your eyes I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild Ah, but girl, you're only a child

You were the new Ferrari driver. That was amazing, you weren't the first AFAB racing, yet the only one to get in a position as high as that, in a top team. Charles Leclerc was your teammate and you knew him before, you were good friends, you often went out with him and his younger brother, who was closer to your age. The pre-season tests in Bahrain happened, but you didn't talk to the other drivers, more out of insecurity and fear of someone judging you, you preferred to stay in your corner, studying about the car and its possibilities.

Thursday and the day went very well, just press conference day. You saw some drivers, said hello and introduced yourself, but nothing too big, because the focus was different.

Friday was the day. Free practice to test how ready the car was for your style of racing. You arrived early and had lunch alone at the Ferrari hospitality, waiting for the weather to get milder so you could do the paddock walk. When you decided to go, you found Sebastian Vettel doing the same, alone; as soon as he saw you, he started to slow down to keep the same pace. Initially, you preferred to stay silent, you didn't want to bother him anyway - and as you consider yourself an annoying person in general, it would be better to keep your mouth shut anyway. He probably noticed your insecurity-and in a way, fear-of starting a conversation, so he decided to start it.

"Welcome to Formula 1." He smiled and you couldn't deny it, he had his charm. "I've heard a lot about you."

"I hope it was only the good stuff."

"Of course, the newest Scuderia Ferrari driver, who has had an impressive year in Formula 2 and clearly a great contender to take the lead away from the Red Bulls. As well as being the youngest female driver to win that position."

"I'm not that young."

"But you're younger than me, that's for sure." He chuckled low, patting her on the shoulder twice.

"Like you're that old."

"Death is already knocking on my door." You couldn't hold back your laugh and he discreetly paid attention to your reaction, smiling. "Anyway, how are your expectations for the weekend?"

"Great. I hope... Actually, I will get on the podium on Sunday."

"Ambitious, that's what I find amazing about you younger drivers."

"Like you were not the same in your Red Bull days."

"So I've got a fan?" The suggestive tone in Sebastian's voice at that moment didn't arouse anything in you, in your opinion, he was just joining in the fun.

"How could I not? I always saw you as a role model. Especially with your more recent community work.... In fact, if you need someone one day, I'm a person who has a pretty free schedule."

"I'd love to. Mick usually joins me too. Have you met him? You two would become good friends."

"He was from the Ferrari academy, obviously! It's years since I've seen him properly."

You may have understood a pretext that he wanted to set you up with the younger Schumacher, but preferred to ignore - well, that wasn’t actually the case for the moment, he just treated the younger boy as one of his kids. You said your goodbyes, as soon began what you had been waiting for all day.

Practice had been great, the car was living up to your expectations, so the podium you were counting on would come out on Sunday and you could prove to everyone who doubted your ability that yes, you deserved to be among the best. You were radiant, the team director even asked if there was something wrong, since most of the time you remained serious, without smiles and ready to kill someone if necessary; it was as if you could be who you always wanted to be, it was a hard way and the criticism would never stop, but nothing could take away what you were feeling. Going back to your motorhome - since you preferred to spend the weekend there and not in a decent hotel - you saw Vettel walking with his head down, taking his bike and leaving; you thought about saying hello, but he didn't seem to be in a good mood and maybe he wanted to be without anyone in his ears babbling about random things

Meanwhile, on the way back to the hotel, the German's mind could only think of one thing: Ferrari's new driver. Sebastian was conflicted by the conversation with you during the walk, it was strange for him, seeing such a beautiful person and feeling that buzz in his stomach, something he hadn't felt for months. Since Hanna died , he had completely shut down; just thinking about her brought tears to his eyes, because it was hard to live alone after spending since your teenage years by the side of someone you loved, a person who built a family - that now, he juggled between leaving the kids with her family and yours, trying to see them whenever you had a break from racing and that action made you feel guilty, of them not having their father there when they needed him the most. The grief had consumed his body, the first months the only thing that got him out of bed were the race weekends, but with each defeat, his mind weighed more and more; months later, he finally decided to start therapy, he needed to be getting better mentally, he couldn't stay in this situation forever, for the kids, for the team and for everyone that counted on him; and it helped a little, the depression was easier to deal with, the days were lighter, even though the feeling was there. Even though the beaming smile was back around the Paddock and his volunteering to help the environment was back in full swing, it still wasn't enough to make him optimistic about living, even though two years had passed since the whole tragedy and sometimes Hanna's voice came in his head, telling him to move on. For that reason, seeing you walking beside him, smiling and being interested left him with this strange feeling, of a piece of the puzzle finally being found again. He quickly cleared that thought away, it wasn't what he was thinking at all, it was just a happiness to see a person like you on the track - and even if it was a little flare of romance, you were too young for him.

This grief stage wasn’t over, of course, even though he was in the last step: acceptance, although it still hurt deep in his heart and because of it, for a while he hadn’t made the best decisions for his life, however, that stayed only with him. Vettel didn’t open up about it with anyone for a while, friends would come and talk to him, but they only received nods and “I’m fine” type of responses, until the first anniversary of her death, during a Saturday post qualy, where he broke down during an interview and Mick took him back to his driver’s room, on that afternoon he blurted all his feelings out, all the shit he had done during this period, only for two people, Mick and Lewis. Nowadays, he still wasn’t 100% back on his feet again, however, he was trying his best and maybe, the new rookie had something to do with this new motivation.

…..................................................

Your first race was a success, as hard as it was, p3 came with a taste of victory. That night you chose not to go out and celebrate, you were too tired, because something they didn't tell you before was how the car would suck your energy - it was different to what you were used to in Formula 2.

The weeks and your next races were going well, lots of podiums and scoring zones, but still no wins. The situation of not having any wins yet was driving you crazy, no matter how flawless your performance was, the media was starting to get on your nerves with harsh criticism and you hated to admit it, but it annoyed you having to listen to this negativity while other drivers with cars with equal or better machinery than yours who are still winless were getting nothing but praise. The highlight of the week was on Saturday, after an accident during qualifying, you were in Q3 and ready to take your first pole position, but due to Norris braking hard during an 'S' corner in front of you, there was no time to slow down, your car hit the back of the number 4 McLaren, bringing both of them off track and subsequently causing your current times to be deleted and a red flag. You were angry with him and were ready to cuss him out, however after a rather lengthy conversation while your cars returned to the pits, he acknowledged his mistake and you worked it out; even though he admitted it in the post qualifying interviews, there were still allegations and questions about the possible crash being your fault, which made you so angry that he ended the interviews earlier than the others.

On Sunday, even if you started P9, you would do your best to win at Imola, it was a question of honour. You changed strategies with your team, talked to everyone and tried to be as assertive as possible, you knew that they had the ability to make this win happen. Nervousness was running inside you, it seemed that the world would end as soon as the lights turned off. The race was fine, already at the start you had already got p5, the tyre changes were in the time that you had stipulated with the team of what would be better and could hold the others until the end. In the last two laps you were less than a second behind first place, which at the moment was Max, and you wouldn't hesitate to pass him no matter what. Seconds before you crossed the win line, you accelerated the car harder than before, hearing the engine squelching, however it wasn't the moment to stop, not until you passed him; that's what happened, seeing the chequered flag in front of everyone else.

"P1, you are p1." Your response was just to shout back, he was very happy and didn't know what to say.

"P1 piccolina ! You did it." You heard your engineer say on the radio.

"And Charles?" Your voice was still euphoric, you wanted to know where your teammate was standing too.

“P3.”

The interviewers this time were kinder, with several people stopping you and congratulating you on the flawless race you had run. This time you deserved quite a party.

In these weeks you got closer to Vettel, he became a great friend and mentor. You admired him a lot, because he was always a great example and to be able to call him a friend was a privilege, so you didn't hesitate to go and bother him after the race, knocking on the door of his motor home - you knew that he hadn't gone back to the hotel yet, as he always warned you and offered you company on the way back.

"What's up?" his tone of voice was not the most welcoming, maybe he wanted to be alone, however the moment he opened the door and saw it was you, his expression lightened. "Oh, hi. What are you doing here? Do you need anything?"

"Um... So, I won the race..."

"I know... I gave you a hug right after." He cracked a smile, a little confused by the situation.

"Me and a few other drivers... Almost all of them actually, we're going out tonight, it's a nightclub.... I know it's not your style, but it's a celebration and I'd love for you to go." Your face was turning red, it was such a simple request, but you wanted to hide because of sudden shyness. "We reserved some tables near the smaller dance floor, because not everyone is a fan of dancing."

"Do I really need to?" He whined, grimacing and leaning against the stopper.

"Please... Make that sacrifice for me." You gave him the puppy dog look.

He looked at you for a few seconds, wondering whether or not it was really worth it to hang out with several young pilots in a nightclub. "Okay. For you, I'll go." He snapped, sighing loudly, and you gave the German a hug, squealing loudly.

"I'll give you the address! Wear something cool and that doesn't make you look like a middle-aged school teacher."

"Hey! That's an insult against my style."

It was almost 10 o'clock at night, you had just put on your high heels, finally ready; Charles was texting you five times a second, telling you to hurry or he would go alone and you would miss your ride.

When you arrived at the nightclub, you went quickly to the group where the other pilots were, greeting them and drinking your first shot of tequila to open the night properly. Half an hour later, from far away you saw curly blond hair entering the place and at the same moment you knew who it was: Sebastian; he arrived shyly, saying hello to everyone, getting close to you, who gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. You noticed that he took your advice about the outfit, this time wearing light brown jeans, a white tank top with a larger dark green short-sleeved button-up shirt and some black sneakers, but what took your breath away was his hair up in a loose bun with a few strands falling off. Maybe you checked him vigorously, but you could blame the alcohol.

"You're not sober." He commented, discreetly checking your look.

"And you won't be either," And then you handed him a bottle of beer - because you knew he liked it.

Sebastian felt guilty that he was checking your body every five minutes, a conscious voice in his head screamed that you were too young for him, too innocent - I mean, not so innocent, but that made him even more curious. His thoughts were dissipated when he saw you turning a shot of some coloured liquid, paying more attention on what you were going to do or react, his protective instinct was above the desire of wanting you; he didn't comment anything, just watched, disassociating a little bit of reality, having again that little voice that he didn't fit with the others there, that he was too old for this generation.

A few more shots and drinks in, your body already felt lighter. You were chatting with Gasly and Ricciardo, until they came up with the idea of everyone hitting the dance floor - even if most of them weren't the best dancers or didn’t like to, however, when all of them are at least tipsy, they don’t even think before abandoning the tables to go. Vettel hesitated to go with them, so you patted Daniel on the back and said you would be dancing in a few minutes.

“Hey… Don’t you wanna go with us?” You put your hand on his shoulder, looking at him.

“I don’t feel like dancing.” He didn’t look back at you, something was wrong.

“Is something bothering you? You can go if you’re not feeling good here.” Maybe it was the drunk you, but you placed your hand in his neck, making him look at you. “I’m not gonna be upset if you leave. We talked, drinked and it’s okay if you want to go.”

He was hesitating, he didn't know whether to leave or stay there, moments like that were hard; Sebastian was never someone so social, of course in his Red Bull years he partied a lot, but it was never his favourite thing to do. The German looked around and then deposited his eyes on you, still conflicted with all his thoughts running through his head. His biggest dilemma at the moment was about the Ferrari driver, whether he would stay for her, dance along and have fun, finally let go and be able to live a little, move on, on the other hand, this feeling of leaving the past behind was overwhelming. He stood for a few more seconds thinking, while you waited; "what could possibly go wrong?", "what am I being so afraid of?", "why couldn't I make out a little?" , then he sighed low, grabbed another bottle of beer and cracked a smile.

"Let's go to the dance floor." He held her hand. "I can't keep living like this."

"Like what?" Tu asked, not sure what exactly he was talking about.

"Grieving." You didn't know how to answer, for a moment you had forgotten he was a widower, so you just guided him into the huddle of people, squeezing his hand.

You started to dance, letting your body free, it was nice to be able to move to the beat without someone being able to judge you. Daniel came over with two shots of vodka for you, you drank them both quickly and giggled quietly, watching him do the same. This time, the drink hit a little harder, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol more and more. As a result, your movements were dirtier, rolling your hips on your own while your friends were glued to unknown girls or dancing shamefully while drinking. Meanwhile Vettel was trying to dance with the younger drivers, but he felt out of place, he wasn't as young as them anymore, so after a while he started to walk past people to walk back to the table, but he caught your eye first.

"Stay dancing here with me." You held his arm, pulling him closer.

"Are you sure? Because… I can see what you want, but you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun… So maybe I'm not the one to be dancing, call Mick or Charles.

“Stop with this no sense!” You blurted the words, laughing. “Just follow the rhythm, look."

Chloe's song 'Have mercy' started playing and you cracked a smile, starting to move your body slowly, maybe you weren't noticing, but it was in a sexy way that turned Sebastian red, looking sideways until you put your arms around his neck, catching his attention.

"Keep moving with me." He placed his hands on your waist, slowly getting more into the rhythm.

You both forgot about the world around you, dancing just for each other, with your bodies glued together and embarrassed smiles as you tried to keep in rhythm until the song ended. He pulled away a little, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. “Montero” by Lil Nas X started playing and you cracked a big smile, turning your back to him and letting the older pilot's hands on your waist, rolling your hips against him. It took a few instants before he understood and got into the rhythm, loosening up and starting to have fun with you.

“Does your mother know you dance to older men like that?” He whispered, travelling his hands around your body.

What had happened after, was that you had spent it together, drinking even more and dancing more overtly, which the others noticed-especially Daniel and Charles, who were closer to you, but they would let the matter die. The point of leaving was when the blonde was really wanting to kiss you, but the last shred of notion he had showed.

"Let's go to the hotel." He muttered, with his accent stronger than usual.

You didn't even say goodbye to anyone, you just hailed a taxi and went to his hotel, arriving there and making sure no one saw you together. When you entered the room, he quickly locked the door and came close to you, passing his hands around your waist.

"I hope I didn't get the wrong signals." He then brought your face closer against his, initiating a sloppy kiss that you reciprocated at the same moment, slipping your arms around his shoulders and your hands stopping at his neck, caressing the spot. His tongue was already going against yours in a desperate rhythm, like he waited all night to be with you; when you broke it off to breathe, you looked at him, worried.

“Is it okay? To be kissing… I know you…” You started, but he put his finger on your lips.

“It’s okay… Let’s focus on us.”

So you kissed him again, this time with more urgency than before, allowing yourself to run your hands down his back, gripping the fabric of his button-down shirt. He broke the kiss this time, looking into your face for a few seconds, admiring you, before he started trailing kisses from the back of your ear to the collar of your dress, sucking and licking a few specific spots, which made you whimper with pleasure.

"Can I continue?" He asked as he touched the zip of your dress.

"You don't have to be so gentle, Seb."

"But you deserve it."

"And I say... You can be rough with me, I know you like it." You cracked a smile, disentangling yourself from him and sitting on the bed.

He looked at her for a few seconds, biting his lower lip before he started to move closer, standing between your legs.

“Oh… Since you like to be dominated…” His face got closer to yours where you could smell his breath, but didn’t kiss you. “Strip for me. Now.” He backed off, crossing his arms.

So this was a game and you would follow his rules, with a little bit of a twist. Slowly, you started taking away your high heels, then your panties that you put in his trouser pocket, with only a part of the red lace sticking out and finally you took your red lace bra off, putting it on the ground. Now, you were only wearing your tight black dress with your legs a little bit open while you waited for his response.

“The dress.”

“I want to keep it on.”

“I don’t remember you being in charge.” He whispered, holding your face with one hand. However, when he saw you like that, his body liked it for sure. “You can keep it on, but don’t disobey me again, okay baby?” You nodded.

He started to kiss your neck again, being rougher than before, biting and leaving marks you would regret in the next morning. Meanwhile, his hands were travelling around your body until they stayed at your breasts, pulling down the fabric just for them to pop out; Vettel looked a few seconds at your boobs, before starting to suck one and pinching the other nipple harshly. You moaned his name repeatedly, feeling your core dripping wet from the attention he gave to both of your breasts. Suddenly he stopped, earning a whine from you.

“Wait up, baby…” He backed off, getting on his knees on the floor - you never thought a man could look this hot on their knees.

He opened your legs, starting to kiss every single inch of your thighs in a provocative way and you just whined in the process, because you wanted him tasting you. “What?” He stopped, looking at you, the vision of a messy haired Vettel between your legs made you moan and throw your head back. “I need you to use your words.” As much as you wanted to say, nothing would come out, it was overwhelmingly good to just have that moment. “Lieb, use your words, I’m not going to say again.”

“I want you to taste me.” He looked at you, cracking up a smile.

Then he lowered his head again, leaving a few more kisses, especially on top of your core. The German’s tongue started to move around your clit, moving it in a tortuous pacing so you could feel every move of his; at the beginning you were already chanting his name, putting a hand on top of his head, holding his golden curls around your fingers. Unexpectedly he put two fingers inside you, moving in a quicker rhythm and curling the tips just a little bit, hitting that sweet spot of yours. What made you orgasm for the first time was that besides his fingers working it up inside you, he started to suck gently your clit - you were moaning incoherent words when you hit your climax. Looking at him when he lifted his face towards you with a smile, licking his lips made you let out a wimp, quickly pulling him up and you getting on your knees.

You kept looking at him while you undid his belt and pulled his trousers to the floor, however, his hard-looking dick with leaking pre-cum inside his boxers called more your attention. Slowly, you reached the bar of his underwear, pulling it down and seeing it; you looked up at him before he nodded so you could do what you wanted for a while. You let your tongue pass through his tip, focusing a bit on there, hearing him hold back moan. In one go, you had put his dick in your mouth, feeling it hit your throat, starting it to quickly bob up and down, finally hearing him groaning in pleasure. His hand reached your hair, guiding your head to go slower than you were. “I won’t last long… You’re too good for me.”

You pulled back, looking at him. “Then I want you to finish inside me.”

He smiled at your cockiness, taking the rest of his outfit and laying you on the bed, while he grabbed the condom and the lube.

“Do we have to use it?” You whined.

“Maybe next time we don’t.” He whispered, covering two fingers in lube and pushing them inside you. Him inside you like that made you whimper, looking at him.

“Please, just fuck me.”

“Patience, honey… I don’t want you to feel pain.”

He quickly slid on the condom and spread your legs to his sides, now getting even closer and placing his hands on your sides.

“Ready?”

You nodded, then he adjusted his dick in your entrance, moving in slowly until all of him was inside of you. Sebastian left little kisses up your neck when he saw you closing your eyes, trying to get used to the feeling, only starting to move when you gave him the signal to.

Your walls were clenching around him as he started to pick up his pace, going faster every thrust - this was near pornographic, you were both moaning each others name, fixing your gaze on each other. You could feel every single inch of him inside you going and your climax getting closer, letting your moans even louder - if that was possible. Then Vettel lowered one of his hands, starting to do circles around your clit with two fingers, which made you come for the second time of the night. The blonde wasn’t that far from reaching his either, his thrusts were more erratic and soon he groaned your name close to your ear, laying on top of you.

“That was… Wow.” You whispered, running your fingers along his back.

“Yeah, wow.” He kissed your cheek, slowly disconnecting both of your bodies, which made both of you groan with the sensation. He took off the condom, throwing away  “Let’s take a shower before we go to sleep.”

“How clever, staying the night.” You got up, wrapping your arms around him.

After you took a warm shower together - that could have been shorter if you didn’t kept kissing and caressing each other, you two laid on his bed. You were wearing one of his old Ferrari t-shirts and he was only in his boxers, drinking wine - that he already had, from the bottle.

“I always had a crush on you…” You whispered, trailing his abdomen with your fingers. “Teenage me would be very happy, especially that she used to shamefully read smut about you on the internet.”

“Oh, wow… So I have always been your target?” He joked, running his hand up and down your thigh.

“Don’t say it like that! It’s just… You’re too hot to not check out.”

“So I’m winning from younger drivers, with more energy to keep you up all night?” He was still being playful, grabbing your ass and squeezing it.

“Well… You just fucked me and looks like would go for a second round.” You lowered your hand to his boxers. “Besides, I like more mature men, who know how to make me feel good.”

He was at a loss of words, your words had left him red in the face and his classic smile. He placed the wine on the bedside table and pulled your body up, starting to kiss you again.

That night, you still did it two more times, enjoying every second together.

Maybe it was wrong and you would regret in the morning everything you had done together, especially for your reputations within the sport, but that moment was about enjoying what life had to offer you.

[g1rld1ary]

jealousy, jealousy ; anthony lockwood x reader (part 1)

➻ my social life has been really busy lately so have had no time to write - split this into two parts to get smth out!!

➻ word count: 1591

➻ synopsis: you're Lockwood's favourite waitress at Arif's, and he's your favourite customer. maybe all that's needed for the both of you to confess that is some good old-fashioned jealousy

➻ warnings: none?? idiots in love, the beginnings of a love triangle

➻ (PART TWO HERE)

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Anthony Lockwood famously loved Arif’s corner shop. He and his company were one of their most consistent customers, with boxes of doughnuts being delivered to 35 Portland Row seemingly every other day, not to mention enough tea drunk in-shop to fill the Thames. So, needless to say, Lockwood loved Arif’s. However, his adoration wasn’t just because of the treats — though they couldn’t be overlooked. No, the secret motivation of returning day after day was you. You were Arif’s best (at least, in Lockwood’s opinion) employee.

He’d seen you for the first time a few months ago, happening to meet you on your first shift at the shop. You’d completely messed up his order, switching his doughnut for the wrong type and perplexingly ruining his tea. When he’d politely alerted you of the mix up your eyes filled with tears threatening to spill out, hot with embarrassment. You apologised profusely, practically grovelling, which Lockwood had assured you was completely unnecessary. “Everyone has to start somewhere,” He’d said, gracing you with a charming smile that eased your anxiety.

You’d picked yourself up at his encouragement, mustering a smile and a nod that made Lockwood’s heart melt, and dutifully promised to bring him a complimentary treat with his redone tea. Despite his insistence that it was totally redundant, you reappeared minutes later with a promising looking (and smelling) teacup and a porcelain plate with the correct doughnut order and an adorable heart shaped biscuit. Decorated with a red base and pink doodles on top, Lockwood thought it reminded him of you and the first impression you’d given him; endearing and delightful.

“I might be a hopeless waitress, but I’m pretty confident in my baking,” You smiled, “This one is mine.” Lockwood had returned the smile, but hadn’t expected the biscuit to be so delicious when he tried it before you’d left his table. It was the perfect plain sugar biscuit; not too brittle or weirdly mushy but still full of flavour. He let out an involuntary groan, flushing when you giggled slightly. Having received the positive reaction you were hoping for you retreated behind the counter, focusing more intensely on getting orders right from then on.

And so the rhythm for your relationship was set. Lockwood would come in several times a week; usually with a manilla folder full of case research or admin papers for the company and would you greet you with a smile that lit up the whole cafe. You’d make bashful conversation as you made his tea — correctly, by now — and sneak him a free treat, most of the time whichever one you’d baked, which always somehow made it taste sweeter to him. No matter how hard he tried to pay you always refused, which led him to getting creative in how he delivered the payment to evade your notice. Slipping it in your pocket when you weren’t looking or placing it under his teacup as he left, creating a game for you to enjoy each time he came.

“How’s it going?” You asked one morning as you brought his tea out, “Looks serious.”

“Bills,” He confessed with an exhausted smile. You exaggerated a grimace which made him laugh, you glowed from the reaction.

“You know what would go well with that? Brownie.” Your eyes glittered, revealing the homemade square with a twinkle of your fingers. Lockwood’s smile widened to become genuine and delighted, eyes softening as he looked up at you in your waitress uniform.

“Careful, love, you’re gonna give me an ego if you keep treating me like this.”

“You mean more of an ego?” You teased and Lockwood mimed a stake through his heart, pulling a giggle from you. A silence fell upon the both of you as you stood next to his table, the shop almost empty. You couldn’t tell if it was awkward or comfortable, the kind of pause where both parties were on the verge of confessing something meaningful, but hoping the other would speak first. Lockwood was the first to move, but barely uttering a syllable when the bell on the door rang and you snapped around, hurrying to the counter.

It was none other than Quill Kipps, Lockwood’s greatest rival. Although they avoided each other where possible, Lockwood’s dislike had evolved to a burning jealousy whenever he saw Kipps in the cafe, picking up on his obvious fondness of you. Obviously it was never explicitly confirmed since the boys didn’t exactly have heart to heart gossip sessions, but to Lockwood it was obvious. The way he’d saunter into Arif’s, eyes flicking straight to you, leaning in closer than strictly necessary when ordering, and dawdling as he picked up his to go coffee in order to talk to you more. Perhaps he hated it most because it was an embarrassing exposé of his own behaviour, but who was to say.

The only thing keeping his confidence somewhat balanced was that Quill Kipps never left your interactions with a free homemade treat. A lovesick ghost of a smile maybe, but no prettily decorated cookie or mathematically asymmetrical pastry. That left a puff in his chest that had Lockwood shooting Kipps a self satisfied look from across the cafe — Kipps just huffed as he took his takeaway coffee, giving you an uncharacteristically shy wave as he left. You looked between the boys, blissfully unaware of their history but picking up on the thick tension permeating through Arif’s.

Kipps appearance had done the unspoken job of igniting a spark of jealousy within Lockwood though, plan coming together as he signed off the last of the company’s bills.

As you finished your shift it was starting to get darker outside, and you sighed as you pulled on your scarf and gloves, securing your winter garments around you to face the harsh weather outside. You were just buttoning up your coat as you stepped outside, preparing for the journey home when you caught a figure in your periphery. And there, leaning against a ghost lamp like he hadn’t a care in the world, was Anthony Lockwood.

You both seemed to brighten up at the sight of each other, which made you feel your red cheeks may not have been solely from the cold.

“Thought you might want someone to escort you home,” He said, fingers tapping rapidly on his rapier the only indication he wasn’t as suave as he was trying to portray. You let him follow you along, pointing out the Type Ones you couldn’t usually see and entertaining you with stories from his cases — most of his near-death incidents left out. At some point you’d grabbed onto his forearm, initially to pull him away from the pole he was about to walk into (he was staring at you as you told him about a new recipe), but when you’d discovered how hot he ran naturally, you were in no position to let go. Lockwood would rather die than complain or have you let go.

You reached your family’s home far too soon, and you hated to have Lockwood leave. You were just opening your mouth to ask him inside when he beat you to it.

“Can I ask you something?” He appeared suddenly nervous, creating a fraction more space between you.

“Anything,” You replied, watching your breath appear before you.

“I was wondering — I mean it’s stupid, but Fittes is throwing this Valentine’s ball and invited a bunch of agencies including us and we all get a plus one which is cool and I was thinking, I mean hoping, I mean wondering,” He had to pause to catch his breath, recollecting himself after the verbal frenzy. “Would you go with me?” Lockwood looked uncharacteristically nervous, lips being abused by his teeth as he chewed anxiously. You couldn’t stop the brilliant smile from spreading across your own.

“I would love to go with you, Lockwood.”

“Really! That’s great — or cool, you know. Cool.” He leant on his rapier, stumbling slightly as it caved under his weight. You held a hand over your mouth to conceal your laughter, eyes sparkling in a way that made Lockwood’s heart skip a beat.

You parted ways with a shy wave, you up the steps to your bedroom and Lockwood back towards his own home, both sporting lovesick grins and rapid hearts.

A week later it was Valentine’s Day, the day of the Fittes ball. You’d spent all week agonising over what to wear and how you could maybe finally make a move on Lockwood — you’d even called Lucy in a fit of desperation to ask for makeup help. But there was no time left to dawdle, Lockwood would arrive any second and then the night would really begin.

Like a gentleman Lockwood had insisted he collect you from your house (albeit with George and Lucy since you all had to take a cab together) and met your parents, though you were determined to keep that part of the night as brief as possible.

You were sitting in your front room, impatiently picking at one of your press on nails. Finally, when you were convinced that Lockwood had forgotten you or secretly found a better date, the doorbell rang and you jumped to answer it before any of your family members could get to it first.

[xcherrypie]

Wanted tension

Summary: after years of playing games with each other, things get a bit too much for you and Sam.

Words: 1.1k

Having lived down the road from Sam and gone to school with him all your life it was only natural you ended up in the same friendship group since your early teens. As close as the whole group was, yourself and Sam was different. Different, but never anything more than good friends and you’d never expect that to change, until one drunken kiss when you was 17 at a house party. It was nothing meaningful, and as far as you was aware it was no different to any other kiss you exchanged with friends after drinking too much on a Saturday night. However after that night, the kiss was always playing in the back of your mind, part of you wishing it never happened and part of you wishing it could happen again.

However life went on and both you and Sam carried on your own separate lives as normal. Sam had girlfriends over the years, as did you have boyfriends, although Sam never seemed to warm to any of your boyfriends telling you they were never good enough or that he just simply couldn’t stand them. None of Sam’s girlfriends really likes you either, always telling him to stop talking to you or not see you as much. Despite this you and Sam stayed really close, however as the years went on there seemed to be this growing cloud of tension hanging over the both of you, a tension you can’t deny you enjoyed.

So no surprise your stomach filled with butterflies when Sam walked into your bedroom as you was finishing straightening the last strand of hair. You looked stunning, in a little black dress and heels, with your makeup sitting perfectly on your skin, even you could tell that Sam wasn’t able to take his eyes off you. “Who’s all this for ay?” He smirked, moving himself to stand behind you while you sit on the floor in-front of your mirror, applying your lipgloss. “Can’t a girl make herself look pretty for her friends birthday?” You replied, looking up at him smiling. “Well you’ve certainly done that” he grinned looking back down at you. For a moment there was silence, probably lasting 2 seconds but felt like forever. “Oh shut up Fender, now get out” you jokingly laughed in response. “I’m nearly finished getting ready, give me five and I’ll meet you all downstairs” you continued, hoping he’d stop distracting you and let you finish getting ready.

It was your friends birthday and to celebrate you agreed to host a get together at your house in which everyone could dress up, have a laugh and see your friends birthday in with lots of drinking and games. You finally finished getting ready and made your way downstairs to meet the others. The night was a huge success, everyone having a good time, dancing and chatting. However one of your friends, Rory, was progressively getting quite handsy with you throughout the night. You didn’t mind however, part of you just wished it was Sam instead, but by now you felt all his flirty comments were just part of his personality and that there was no meaning behind them. Sam however did mind, the thought of Rory touching you and being so close to you was winding him up and he did not like it one bit.

As the night continued you carried on having a laugh with everyone, singing and dancing, although you started to feel Sam’s eyes on you at all times. He was sat on the sofa beer in hand, eyes locked on you and he didn’t look impressed. Seeing as you’d had a bit to drink, part of you was telling yourself to take advantage of this, you wanted a reaction, something to spark between you and Sam. That being said you continued to dance with Rory, trying to make Sam jealous, or even wish it was himself in Rory’s position, just like you did. And your plan worked, before you could even respond Sam had stood up and grabbed your wrist, dragging you into the kitchen, leaving no distance between your bodies.

“What the fuck are you playing at y/n” he whisper shouted, making sure he didn’t draw attention to the fact you two were alone in the kitchen. “I’m not doing anything Sam” you replied innocently, looking up at him through your lashes, you had him exactly where you wanted him. “I’m just having a good time with my friends Sam, why are you so bothered” you continued. “Not with him your not y/n and not right under my nose” you smirked to yourself. “Are you joking Sam? So you don’t want to give me the time of day, but other lads aren’t aloud to either” you replied adding fuel to the fire. You could feel him pushing you back with his body, by the second pushing you closer to the kitchen counter. “Oh, give it a rest y/n. Stop playing fucking games, you know I want you” them words right there made you burn up, it’s what you’ve wanted to hear for years. “Do you really, becau-“ before you could finish Sam had pushed you against the worktop and crashed his lips to yours. You pull away in shock, unsure with how to respond, however a smile takes over both your lips, shortly followed by another passionate kiss, you moan into the kiss, knowing you’ve been waiting forever for this moment.

You pull away again, looking Sam directly in the eye, another smug smirk forming on your lips. “You want me, ay?” You said cheekily causing Sam to chuckle, he starts peppering kisses across your cheek down to your neck, making you throw your head back, never wanting this moment to end. “Seriously, You don’t know how how long I’ve been waiting for this y/n” he says huskily in-between kisses. You smile to yourself, your body not only filling with more need for Sam but relief that he needs you just as bad.

Notes: apologies again if the writing is a bit rubbish, still getting used to writing but really enjoying it! I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

[drainslo]

Chishiya x Reader Angst(One-Shot)

Chishiya's reaction to when he loses the reader to a set-up.

I had already come up with my suicide mission. Everyone at camp knew the plan behind my final stand.

Everyone except Chishiya.

He knew there was something going on, since I caught him staring at me with his usual analytical stare every time I talked to Aguni.

I just hoped that he wouldn’t catch on before I talked to him. I couldn’t speak to him until the last moments before the trap was set up so he wouldn’t scheme a plan to stop me. 

The day of the set up arrived. I entrusted Kuina to tell the others that I was letting Chishiya know about my plan so we could have privacy while they set up the area with traps.

I found Chishiya in his usual place, and asked him to go on a walk with me before we all risked our lives to take down the King of Spades. “I want to talk to you privately, in case anything happens you know” I suggested, guiding him towards the riverside.

He quirked an eyebrow, “Why would anything happen? Our job was to set up the distraction to bait out the King. We have the remote activated explosives already built, thanks to my cunning genius. Unless…” his eyes narrowed. “ The plan has been changed to put you in harm's way?”

I sighed, and stopped next to an old green bench. “The problem with the remote explosives was that it would be too obvious this was a trap. The plan is for me to pose as bait. As a master hunter who set up the traps, to try to take the King of Spades myself. I’ll let him pursue me for a bit and…”

“When he kills you the others will have their chance” Chishiya finished, his stare gone blank.

“I need to do this to save the others. And I’m also going to save you, because I’m going to force you to choose. You made Kuzuryu choose between life or death, now it’s your turn,” I smiled. “I don’t want you to stay or leave this hell based on my decision, because I love you. With you, I can’t be selfish. I want you to live. And I want you to choose living, in whatever way speaks to your soul.”

I knew that he wasn’t expecting this, no matter how well he could read people. His one flaw was that he never completely understood what drove me to win all these games.

He could manipulate the King of Diamonds himself into the same choice I forced on him, but he thought that my love and will to live would keep me alive until the end.

He probably guessed this entire time I was scheming to get involved in some sniper position, not outrightly killed. 

I wasn't even sure if Chishiya understood that even now I was mostly doing this for him aside from the others. If I was alive, he would just follow me without forging his own path.

I wanted him to find meaning in his own life without the influence of anyone else.

I glanced up at his face. Again, it was so obvious that he wasn’t anticipating that I would sacrifice myself to the King of Spades. In fact, his face had gone completely blank like it was now a mask.

One of his classical defense mechanisms for hurt. 

“Chishiya… my love. Remember all the times you called yourself an empty shell? You couldn’t even see the value of your own life. That may have been true at one point but listen to me: you’re beautiful, your soul is so beautiful. I don’t think you would ever believe it if I told you before, I don’t think you still quite believe it.”

“So you’re going to show me?” His eyes were now slightly wider than they should’ve been.

“Yes. I love you. And I’m doing this because I love you more than anything.” I stepped closer to him, bridging the gap between us. His smell was so familiar, and I tried to memorize every inch of it. It was a mixture of the pine forest around us, and his own human scent. 

He cupped my cheek, and a tear slipped from my eye. He murmured “I always knew you would try something stupid, I just didn’t think you would go to this length because of me” and placed a light kiss on my head.

“And there’s-” he started, but I cut him off. “There’s no other way to optimize our chances without requiring someone to bait the King. It was my idea.”

Chishiya went silent, god I would miss his silence. I studied his face, now gone blank again. I had already memorized every inch of his face. Where his moles were, where the angles of his face changed in the light.

And I noticed the shift in his face immediately.

I had considered the possibility that his abandonment issues could be triggered by this, yet I thought his defenses he put up before he met me would allow him to make it until the Queen of Hearts was defeated. There were only two blimps left after all, and even after I was gone it wouldn’t be long until the games ended.

But Chishiya defied my readings, maybe intentionally, his eyes crinkled up like he was going to cry.

Then tears silently slid out of his eyes, and I noticed he was pinching himself, fighting to feel physical pain rather than emotional.

“I loved you. I really did” he said quietly, already speaking to me like I was a dead woman walking. “I trusted you not to leave me,” he continued, while I watched our hearts shatter in front of me and his heart slowly revert to its original state. “But you always surprised me. Until the very end” he smiled sardonically.

I stood rigid, afraid to move or speak or breathe. I didn’t want to shatter the moment, once it suddenly became glass.

Chishiya had held me hostage with his words, and I could only listen as he forged on, determined to make my heart bleed the way I was about to make his.

He shot a smirk at me, which heavily contrasted with the tear stains on his face. “They always leave, of course. It’s only human nature to betray, hence why the heart games exist. I’m seriously impressed by the way you made my heart bleed through a Spades game. I think I’m forever damaged, (name). This may be the end of my line as well. I always scoffed at the idea of dying from a broken heart, but I’m starting to believe it’s possible. My father may have been cruel, but at least he never presented love as a choice. You, (name) are the–”

“Stop.” I covered Chishiya’s mouth. “You’re deliberately trying to be cruel Chishiya, I see through you. You’re trying to manipulate me into staying with you. I’ve already made up my mind, so please don’t make these last moments any harder than they need to be.”

More tears slid down his face, and he hung his head down knowing I had just caught him. Chishiya pulled me into his arms for a hug, and then kissed me like he had never before.

His salty kiss said good-bye.

Chishiya pulled away from our kiss, his forehead touching mine. “I’m always going to find a way you, either in this world or any other.”

He squeezed me tightly then placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. I never thought I would see him like this.

His voice broke, and was shaking as he spoke. “Go. Before I take on the King of Spades myself.”

“I would like to see you in my next life,” I whispered to Chishiya as I walked away.

I couldn't look back, or I would have flung myself back to him.

I grabbed an automatic at camp, waiting for Aguni to signal at me to run towards the approaching blimp.

Kuina triggered the first trap to draw the King's attention, and Aguni frantically waved his hand.

So I had no choice but to run my destiny, leaving everything behind: My heart, my love, my Chishiya.

[pickledpascal]

Hold Me Like Water

Chapter One: The Best of the World in the Palm of Our Hands

Warnings: alcohol consumption

Word Count: 2k

Hold Me Like Water Masterlist

Next Chapter |

May 2013,

Being on a set for one of the X-Men films was not what Maya envisioned when she became an actress. It was the first big-budget movie she had ever been a part of and she assumed it would be the only, if she was honest. 

The director wanted a local unknown for a character he had the writers make up for the film: a Native American mutant with water abilities. Maya thought she’d give it a shot since she only lived a province away in Nunavut and the production was focused in Quebec. She never imagined she’d get the job. 

Or that they’d let her sister be a part of it too. 

Maya was sitting in a chair in the middle of the makeup trailer, hands in her lap as her younger sister, Sakari, was using a Q-tip to wipe off the excess makeup covering her facial tattoos.

“I can’t believe they got your shade wrong,” Sakari huffed, glancing at a few of the other makeup artists in the trailer. Both of them were white. “They made you yellow. And then your Kakiniit was horribly treated too. Unforgivable.” 

Maya chuckled. Her sister had the rage of any young person, outspoken about any little thing that could be considered insensitive. Sometimes genuinely. Sometimes to take the piss out on people. Maya could not relate though they were only four years apart. She was twenty-three while Sakari was eighteen, her birthday was in October. 

Maya was usually a very calm person so it was nice to have someone like Sakari to fight for her. 

She was ushered onto the set after she was done with makeup, with Sakari following behind her. Maya looked around like a fish out of water because she was. The set was busy with activity, all sorts of people passed in all different directions. It was a far cry from the calm, sometimes one-person crews she was used to working with back in Nunavut. 

“Hey!” Exclaimed an accented voice. Maya turned to see Hugh Jackman coming up to them. Right, she was supposed to act alongside him for a lot of the film. He had his signature Wolverine hairstyle and mutton chops. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He beamed, offering a hand for her to shake. 

“You have?” Maya’s heart fluttered as she shook his hand firmly. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous now. Maybe it was the fact that he greeted her so warmly or that people talked about her. Positively, she assumed.

Hugh looked at her like she was insane for a moment. “Of course, Singer loved your audition. Couldn’t stop talking about how perfect you were for the part.” He grinned and then looked at Sakari. “And who might you be?”

Sakari glanced at Maya, telepathically telling her older sister that she would try her best to be civil. She mustered up a smile. “I’m her sister. And makeup artist since forever.” 

“Oh, wonderful!” Hugh’s face brightened before his eyes focused on Maya’s face to admire Sakari’s work. “Are those markings a part of the makeup?” He wondered aloud. 

Maya cut off Sakari before she could speak. “No, uh, they’re my real tattoos.” She had a feeling something like this would happen so she just wanted to speed through it rather than make a big deal about it.

Hugh was a goddamn Australian. She couldn’t imagine, out of everyone on set, that he would have met an Inuit before her. Let alone one with facial markings like hers. She was expecting comments about how it was weird to have tattoos on her face, she got that a lot when she was simply at the grocery store picking up specialty items in Montreal for her mother.

Instead, he stared like he wanted to touch her face and admire the lines up close. “They’re quite beautiful.” He mused.

Maya wasn’t sure what to say to that. And, for the first time in a while, Sakari felt the same way. Even the tamest reaction to their Kakiniit was filled with a bit of underlying disgust. Why would they “ruin” their faces? Of course these reactions were usually from white people.

The conversation was interrupted by the first assistant director telling them to get to their marks.

Acting for Maya always came easy. She was never classically trained but she had been in quite a few small-budget films up to this point so she knew how to embody a character. Especially a character that was so similar to herself.

Since her audition, many changes have been made to her character. Rather than being ambiguously Native American, they changed it to an Inuit character to fit Maya better. They liked her tattoos and thought it seemed cool to have the markings on a mutant. Singer probably thought it looked exotic but Maya wasn’t going to complain. Sakari could do that for her.

After filming ended for the day, Maya made it back to her trailer with Sakari. Maya’s makeup was taken off and she was scrolling through her email on her computer while her sister was judging the wardrobe for the next day.

Sakari pursed her lips as she grabbed a pair of bell bottoms from the rack. “None of these pieces are period accurate. And these tops do not match your skin tone.” She put the pants back on the rack and took out her phone. “I think Mom had some stuff from the seventies, we should see what fits you.”

Maya looked up over the top of her laptop. “Mom is your height.” She raised an eyebrow. “Shorter, even.” 

Maya was six-foot-one. Taller than the average woman, let alone an Inuit woman. Her father was tall but shorter than her by a few inches. Her family liked to make jokes about her height since she was the tallest—some genetic miracle or gift from the Heavens.

“True,” Sakari shrugged, “But I can work with them. You know I’m great with a needle and thread.”

Maya shook her head and let out a soft chuckle, returning to her email. Her agent and one of her best friends, Arlo, was sending her email after email asking about how work was.

Then there was a knock on the trailer door. Maya glanced at her phone for the time. It was evening but it wasn’t late. “Who is it?” She asked, raising her voice so the person on the other side could hear. 

“It’s Hugh!” He responded.

Sakari and Maya shared a look. “It’s open!” The older sister said.

The door opened revealing Hugh. He shut the door behind him as he entered. He was wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans. It looked a little funny seeing him in such normal clothes with those mutton chops and that hair. 

“I just wanted to say you did amazing work today, Maya.” He said warmly. She could tell he actually meant it and that made her heart flip again. 

She stood up from the couch, setting her laptop off to the side. “Thank you,” She said bashfully, “It’s not hard to act when they reworked the character to be closer to myself.”

“Still.” Hugh urged with a kind smile. “I almost believed you could control water.” He teased, lowering his voice as if he was telling a secret. 

It wouldn’t have been the first time Maya had played a character that could bend water. Or some variation of herself that could. But Hugh probably wouldn’t know what she was talking about. She simply nodded and smiled in response. 

Hugh clasped his hands together, “The cast wants to go out for drinks tonight—the younger cast, at least. Would you like to come with?” He looked from Maya to Sakari. The invitation was for both of them.

“Drinks with James McAvoy? Count me in.” Sakari grinned, wrapping an arm around Maya’s shoulder, ultimately making her lean down to her height. 

“I don’t think she’ll give me a choice.” Maya told Hugh, nudging her sister’s side with her elbow. “We’ll go.” She nodded. 

“Great!” He exclaimed.

Hugh then exchanged numbers with Maya and Sakari so he could text them the place they were meeting at. It wasn’t too far from set so it wouldn’t take too long to get there. They could probably walk if they felt like it. Maya and Sakari weren’t famous so it wasn’t like anyone would be stopping them. 

When Hugh left, Sakari turned to Maya and shook her head. A disbelieving look was on her face. “I can’t believe you’re being normal. Didn’t you have a crush on him when he was in the first three movies?” 

“When I was ten.” Maya stared blankly at Sakari. “Plus, he’s my co-worker now. And married. Having a crush on him would be weird.”

She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Sakari of that or herself. Hugh was an attractive man. Anyone with eyes could see that. Maya just couldn’t stand the thought of possibly revitalizing her crush, she would feel guilty even if she decided not to do anything about it. 

At the bar, a lot of the “past” cast was drinking shots, cocktails, and just about anything they could get their hands on. Sakari immediately left Maya’s side to try and chat up James and Michael. 

So Maya decided to get a Manhattan and found a booth in the corner of the bar where it was quieter. She wasn’t much of a partier, even in college. But it was fun to watch people make decisions they’d regret the next morning. 

“May I sit with you?” Hugh asked with a cocktail glass in hand. 

Maya looked up at him and nodded. “Oh. Sure.” She sipped from her glass.

He sat across from her, setting his forearms on the table. He mirrored her, eyes trailing over her body to read if she was uncomfortable or not. “What did you do before this?” He asked softly.

“A lot of different things. Mostly small-budget Indie films. Nowhere near this big and grand.” Maya explained with a shy smile.

She couldn’t believe she was talking to Hugh Jackman about her career. Especially since he had such an intriguing, varied filmography. The X-Men saga was just one of many. The Prestige, Kate & Leopold, and—goddamn—Prisoners was about to come out but she was sure it would be amazing if the trailers were anything to go by. She admired him for his acting, too, not just his looks. 

“What are they usually about?” He seemed very interested in her.

Maya licked her lips, suddenly feeling put on the spot. “A lot of them were horror.” That made him raise his eyebrows in surprise. “But there were also some that were just kind of slice-of-life for an Inuit in Nunavut.”

“Right.” Hugh grinned, “I may have to find these films. Do my research on you.” He teased. 

Maya didn’t want to imagine Hugh watching her on TV getting her leg chopped off or mauled by a polar bear. 

“What made you take this job?” His eyes focused on her face as if he was properly taking in the markings again.

Maya played with the edge of the napkin underneath her glass. “My friend sent me the casting call information. It was pretty vague on what it was for, so I decided to give it a shot, not really thinking much of it.” She chuckled. Her lips quirked up into a small smile.

“That’s how I got my first TV show. I did the audition not thinking I’d get it so I was fairly relaxed.” He chuckled. “It’s always the thing you don’t expect, isn’t it?”

She stared at Hugh for a second before her eyes flickered down to her half-full glass. Her smile widened. “I guess so.”

[1moreff-creator]

DR:OS Chapter 1 Part 3 First Impressions

Wow… more DROS :O

You know the deal, first reactions, don't expect anything too coherent, etc etc. Very excited! Especially since I'm predicting the chapter to end on the body discovery, or at least shortly after it. Not only do I feel like the party coming up is probably when the murder's gonna happen, the CW for Deadly Life​​ are up, so. I could be wrong though! Let's see!

Content Warning for Deadly Life. 

I'm like three paragraphs in, but I'm already enjoying the changes of Jeff being there and Antonia and Cass continuing to beef with each other. I just really like these characters lol.

“Grace: I’m surprised you don’t seem to be hungover, Noah?

Noah: Oh, that doesn’t happen with me. Pretty cool.” Bro what. How much do these talents do.

“Antonia: Cassidy is just being a little paranoid, that’s all. Don’t mind her.

Cass: …

Vivi: Uhhh, okay…? Are we just gonna pretend that nothing’s happening here, or?

Antonia: I don’t know, Cassidy, do you have anything you’d like to tell us?” Why do they hate each other so much??? Love 'em.

“Paris: Cass and Antonia are at each other’s throats all the time now because they both think the other is the mastermind~” Oh Antonia actually thinks Cass is the mm? I kinda missed that, or I forgot something from last week. I thought she was just being petty but I guess this makes a bit more sense.

“Kennedy: Please. If it’s that obvious, it has to be the wrong answer.

Antonia: I wouldn’t say Cassidy is being “obvious.” I simply trust my extensive experience with determining when someone is lying.

Cass: Antonia just admitted that she deals with lies all the time. Sometimes the reason why someone is the frontrunner is because they’re perfect for the job.” Love Kennedy keeping up the Tumblr theorizing logic, and Cass and Antonia hating each other means more Antonia content for me so I'm just happy :)

“Robert: …Alrighty! Well, I’m glad we’ve talked this over…” We really haven't but thanks for trying to keep things positive, Robert, appreciate ya'.

“Cass: I will figure out your secrets.

Antonia: Of course you will, darling.” :D No further commentary.

[Paris FTE Start] Wooo, FTE! And Paris, too, I really like her! We're probably not gonna get many more FTEs this chapter (in fact I'm sorta expecting this to be the last one), so let's enjoy this while it lasts :')

“Ellis: Your makeup’s looking great. How is it that you’re such a knockout both in and out of it?

Paris: Aw, thanks babe! Appearances are everything, after all~” Alright damn. Classic Ellis opening with a pickup line, and Paris, what?

“For the first time in a while, I’m actually flustered from someone pulling me close. It’s not exactly a romantic attraction, though… it’s more from the sheer energy she holds as she anchors her hand on my shoulder.” Someone got Ellis! Admittedly, not by flirting so much as by being weird about gossip, but counts xD

“Paris: You should have Antonia tell you how she got into dealing someday. It’s an interesting story.

Ellis: Oh, have you been spending a lot of time with Antonia since we got here?

Paris: I spend time with everyone, hon! I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to talk to someone as intriguing as yourself in more depth.

Ellis: Hey, give me some credit! Maybe I was trying to keep my intrigue up on purpose…” Ooh, well I'm always glad to hear about Antonia, and of course Paris spends a lot of time with the others. Also Ellis, who was playing an icebreaker game just the night before, implying they wanted to keep up the intrigue is funny.

“I wasn’t, but that’s not important.” And this, dear readers, is why we read slightly ahead of whatever we're commenting on in this kind of post xD

“Ellis: You’ve definitely done your research.

Paris: Totes! If you want to hear some real research, though, I know Cass and Kennedy both do a lot on their own time.” I mean we kinda knew this, but I'm liking how much we're referencing other characters here, really justifies the whole Ultimate Gossip thing.

“Paris: Hmm. It is true, it’s a bother that I can’t check on any of my beloved followers… 

Ellis: Do you know stuff about all of them, too?

Paris: I hear what they say. But that’s about all I can do, isn’t it?

Ellis: Of course.” ‘I hear what they say’ strikes me as a weird way to respond to that question. Might be nothing, but it does make me wonder if maybe she knows more about them than she's letting on… not that I know how that could be relevant to the killing game lol. 

“Paris leaves me in the Common Room, a little stunned. She truly is a master of social techniques–every time I tried to dig for info about her, she dodged, and threw the question right back at me. Looking back, it seems like we were just talking in circles for fifteen minutes before she ran off to her “prior commitments.” With who? And doing what?

In the end, I agree with my immediate assessment: I don’t want to get on Paris’ bad side. She’s dangerous… though I never said I didn’t like dangerous women.” Yeah, she's someone to look out for, isn't she? Kinda curious to see just how far this stuff can go.

“As I sit on the couch, I notice Aidan and Davis approaching the Movie Theater.” Davis with Aidan again, wonder if he prefers Aidan's company given the whole "not attracted to him” deal. Then again, the straight guys and Vivi also wouldn't be attracted to him, so Aidan's not necessarily unique in that regard.

“[The Movie Theater bulletin board] reads, “MOTIVE ANNOUNCEMENT: TBA.”” Oh yea, motives! Kinda forgot they were a thing lol.

“Aidan: Someone was already planning a murder, from what we can tell. Even with that, is it still taking too long? And if it’s meant to rush us, why isn’t there an actual release date…?” Oh yeah the poison lol. Yeah, bit of a weird situation, huh?

“Aidan: It just doesn’t make any sense.

Kennedy: Not if you think about it so simply!

Kennedy and Vivi come up from the stairs, joining us outside the Movie Theater.” Kennedy and Vivi! :D Just in time to annoy Aidan, fantastic!

“Vivi: [Kennedy]’s been itching for something new to look at for a while now…” Love the image of Vivi just hanging around Kennedy and watching the guy descend into madness from lack of intel lol.

“Kennedy: Maybe the mastermind knows someone’s going to kill soon. It could be setup for the next murder, if they think no one else would go for it just because of the killing game. Or, maybe the mastermind wants to create multiple killers at the same time! There’s a regulation about it. Or–” Kennedy kinda cooks with these theories, they're always a blast lol.

“Aidan: Jesus, will you shut up already?

Vivi: Hey, there were good ideas in there!” You know I'm really glad I asked for that Vivi & Kennedy Bonus Scene because they're a very fun duo. Maybe I'll send in Aidan & Kennedy if there's Bonus Scenes voting post CH1, it's funny how much they beef lol.

“Ellis: Why would someone try to kill if the person running the game is already setting up shop for once you’re dead and buried?

Kennedy: Because even if the mastermind knows that they’re setting up for the next murder, they think that we think it’s for this murder, so they think we think that the motive is a threat to us now, which might make us more likely to kill!” I had to read that like three times to figure out what the hell Kennedy was trying to say damn. They are very hard to follow it's fantastic.

“Vivi: Wait! What if the motive’s up now because the first murder already happened?” There are… not a lot of pages left so I’m worried Vivi might actually be right. I do find it interesting she's the one to bring it up, though, given how hellbent she was that no one was gonna die in the Prologue. Wonder why that is.

“Somewhat surprisingly, everyone’s okay.” Okay, no, we're chilling… for now. 

“Big oversight from the killing game planning community. They should fire those guys and hire some new maniacs to the board.” You gotta love characters criticizing the bad guys for sucking at torturing them lol.

“Paris: OMG Tay, I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since your talent show performance! It was so good!

Taylor: You think so…?” Taylor's just the most popular person around it's actually kinda funny. Everyone loves them and they don't know how to handle it lol.

“Taylor: Oh, well… if you ever wanted to perform together, I’m sure we could.

Harper: You two would certainly make for an interesting duo.” Yay friendship! :D

[The entire rest of that conversation] Oh hey they actually are going to be besties, let's go! I kinda love that dynamic so that's awesome.

“In the dark of my room, I pull out my e-Handbook, hovering over the chat function.” It's cool that this thingy keeps being brought up, I think it's pretty interesting.

“Antonia: …Apologies for disturbing all your thoughts, but… has anyone seen Cassidy this morning?” Well, that's… concerning. I could see someone targeting them to frame Antonia, but surely Cass is just skipping to avoid said Dealer, right?...

“Aidan: Shouldn’t you be worried about getting murdered or something…? Someone probably just died.” Bro can I ask for a little bit of optimism? I guess not given the talent, but y'know xp

“Harper: It’s a fair point. Perhaps we should split into groups of three. That seems like a safe number, and it… divides evenly…” Oh wait, we're actually doing this? I was kinda expecting Cass to respond in chat. Oh oh guys, she might actually be dead.

“Vanessa, having moved some of the furniture around, discovers a large, metal box, about the size of a mini fridge.” What…?

“Ellis: Just say “open sesame” and it should open right up.” Pfft. Appreciate you alleviating the tension, I'm actually very nervous. 

“We continue to look the box over, trying to figure out some way that it might open. Then, we hear a quiet beep, and it swings open naturally.

The scent is our first sign that something is wrong. Vanessa, who was nearest to the box, frantically crawls backwards, putting more distance between it and herself.

Inside… is a torso.” I'm fucking sorry??? It's Chapter 1 and they're already dismembering people???? AAAAH-!

“Vanessa: What the fuck?!

Antonia: O-oh… oh my…

Ellis: Hh… wh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Yeah sounds like appropriate reactions.

“Though I already suspected it, as the rest of our group joins us, it’s clear as day that the victim must be Cassidy Torres, the Ultimate Agent.” Well, while everyone is undergoing severe trauma, now that we have explicit confirmation of the victim, it's time to tally up some points in the guessing game!

I predicted Cass as the CH2 killer, so I get 1 Chapter point and 2 Role points (and in case you don't remember, getting points is bad). I'm pretty happy with that, given Cass’ role was a complete toss up for me, and I did manage to predict she'd go relatively early. I feel bad for accirax, who I'm pretty sure got the maximum amount of points possible here by guessing Cass as the mastermind (7 points ouch), sad times. The only other game I have available for comparison is Jonas', and while they got the role right, they'd guessed Cass would die in CH5, meaning four points there. Somehow I appear to be in the lead out of the three guessing game boards for now, which is probably not gonna last very long but you know.

Speaking of this game, I'm also probably guaranteed one chapter point from Vanessa now (plus some kind of point from the actual CH2 killer), because as a first impression, both she and Antonia are probably safe! The BDA rule in this fangan specifically says "three spotless” for the announcement, so unless there's some weird pre-discovery by a random other spotless, Ellis, Vanessa and Antonia can't be the blackened. Hell yeah.

Speaking of, though, I probably also got the CH1 killer wrong in the game.

“Noah is half-carrying Robert, who seems like he’s barely conscious at the moment.”

My bad if this is going to be a canon note or truth bullet, but for now:

Personal Non-Canon Note: Robert's Quesianess. Robert was barely conscious at the sight of Cass’ body, implying he couldn't have been the one to dismember them. 

I'm pretty shocked Cass was the one to die, actually. To quote myself from the last First Impressions post:

“I’m loving all the Antonia content this episode, but is it me or are we getting a lot of Cass? I’m starting to get worried for their safety. Considering what she said in the Bonus Scenes, I kinda doubt she’d go too early, but who knows.”

I'll give myself some credit for noticing Cass was getting a lot of content and wondering if that would mean she was gonna die, but as I said, I really wasn't thinking she'd go so early. I guess I overestimated how important her plans for the outside (don't remember their exact wording oops) would end up being. 

But it's not like I dislike the choice! Cass did in fact get a few good scenes in, and their beef with Antonia, while short-lived, was very fun to watch. Very curious if this is all we'll get from her from now on, or if the secrets Antonia said Cass was keeping will end up being relevant later. Given first victims can often end up haunting the narrative a fair bit, I wouldn't discount the possibility.

Anyways, I'm talking a whole lot for someone who hasn't even started the Investigation, huh? Let's see what we can figure out in the short time this Part has left! 

“Jeff: Thanks or whatever, but you see, I’d actually really rather not be here, so…” Yeah, Jeff wants out out by now, huh?

“Monoquin: The second thing is a piece of information that you’ll gain: the Monoquin File.” Ooh, one of these! You know, it's actually been a while since I've seen a fangan use something like this, I wonder what they'll be like.

“Aidan: Isn’t that unfair to the blackened?” Nice job not looking suspicious in the slightest Aidan, no one could possibly think you might be the killer after saying this! xD

“Monoquin: In every Monoquin File, there will be one lie.” Oh that's hilarious and incredible, I love it. I know Monokuma files in canon were also customized to hide information the blackened wanted hidden, but actually putting lies in the files is much more interesting. Can't wait to see how this gets used!

Note Obtained: Monoquin File Lies

It's been a while since we've gotten an actual canon note, lovely!

“But, this is what I wanted, right? I mean, not this, exactly– I would’ve been fine if whoever it was did use that poison, especially if it meant a slow and painless death. But, still… a murder happened, and I’m not the victim or the killer. That’s how it should go for the Ultimate Lucky Student, right? This is just one step of many to be the one sole survivor at the very end.

So… chill, Ellis. Clearly this is some kind of great tragedy, but it was also inevitable. I’ll pay my respects, do my best to lend a hand in solving the case, and then go on with my daily life.” Well, Ellis’ "plan” seems to be holding up! Fun :)

Also interesting that Ellis was wishing for a "slow and painless” death as opposed to the more common “fast and painless”. I guess, though, if it's painless, it's better to wish for a slow death so the person has more time. 

Which leaves us with murder theories! Though, obviously, we have next to no information. In terms of what happened to Cass, we only know she died at some point in the night (they were spotted at dinner the night before, after all), that the killer dismembered her, and that said killer left Cass’ torso in a metal box that opens… through some mechanism. It wasn't a box that was common knowledge, though.

An interesting point is the location, maybe. Here's the map of the fourth floor:

Cass’ room is there, which is decently notable. It's very possible the killer killed Cass in her own room, or perhaps in the killer's own room if it's on the fourth floor, as it would be weird for someone as paranoid as Cass to stray too far from her room during nighttime. Not too solid, though. There's the question of why dismembering her would be important, but that's impossible to know without more information. Hiding bodies isn't too important in this kind of killing game, but I guess there could be something about the torso itself that the killer didn't want the cast to know. Or maybe they wanted to delay the discovery? Again, impossible to know for now. 

There's also the matter of the poison, which I doubt is unrelated. I have two early theories: either Cass was poisoned, and the killer dismembered them after their death; or Cass herself was the one who requested the poison, she invited someone to her room to kill them with it, but the person decided to kill Cass before she could try. Kinda find the first one more likely, especially because the "other stuff” that got requested alongside the poison could be the implements necessary to dismember and transport the corpse, but again, could be totally off.

Speaking of, the method of transport is an interesting question-

Okay give me a moment. While I was writing this, I pulled up Part 1 to see if anyone had requested anything notable for the talent show, and I saw the Chapter title along the way. While I'd already read it, I didn't realize until that point…

“Piece It Together"????? Venus???? That's- wow. I just- That's kinda fucked up… I love it I just can't believe you did that holy hell.

Back on track though. I couldn't find any notable request in the talent show, aside from possibly the wrapping paper Grace used, which could have technically been employed to hide the body parts during transport. Because of course it's the Clockmaker I find evidence about. Did you know their room is right next to Cass', too? xD

I jest, I don't really think Grace did it. For now, I can really only say what people I don't think it was. I already explained Robert (because he's too queasy), Ellis, Antonia and Vanessa (because BDA), but aside from that… you can stop counting lol. No one else really acted too unsuspiciously, though Kennedy requesting the search and Harper talking about the groups of three (ideal number for BDA stuff) might count for some loss of suspicion points? Then again, there is this part of Harper's line:

“Harper: That seems like a safe number, and it… divides evenly…” Make no mistake, this is an insane reach, but given the chapter title situation, I don't think it's impossible that Harper's slight hesitation right before ve says "divides evenly” could indicate that ve knows Cass got dismembered, aka ve's the blackened. The idea would be that ve's kinda disgusted by what ve's done, so ve regrets the word choice mid sentence. Of course, though, it's far more likely that ve hesitates just because ve's more used to the group being sixteen people, so the number three evenly dividing the group is an unfortunate reminder that they're missing one person. I don't really think Harper's too likely as the blackened, even though there is some setup for it with the fact ve's becoming restless in the game and the fact ver room is also on the fourth floor. 

If I have to go for a read right now, though… well, Kennedy and Vivi had a positive interaction with Cass, and Vivi in particular would have the knowledge and experience to properly dismember a body. Not that I know whether or not there is such a thing as necessary knowledge and experience to do that, but there is a limit to the things I'm willing to google for these posts. Either could have maybe convinced Cass to be alone with them to discuss mastermind business, and both are on the fourth floor, but that's kinda it. On the other hand, Noah and Grace have both gotten a decent bit of screen time, are also on the fourth floor, and Grace in particular has the whole "hates wasting time” thing as a possible motive.

However, the one that worries me the most is actually Paris. She was noticeably silent during the original Cass and Antonia confrontation, and she's the one who brought it up, which could certainly be a strategy to frame Antonia by making it seem like she has a reasonable motive. She also more or less has an established motive with her fans, and could have potentially arranged a meeting with Cass either for mastermind gossip or the whole "Paris Pairs” brand she brought up earlier. Befriending Taylor so suddenly could have been a strategy to get an ally during the trial, and her symbol of teacups could kinda be connected to poison aside from the more immediately obvious "spill the tea” connection. Of course, that last point is only important if Cass was actually poisoned…

… And I just remembered that Paris specifically danced to "Toxic” in the talent show. In the chapter someone requested poison out of the Customer Service Desk. Oh god she might actually be a lot more suspicious than I thought she was. Oh oh.

-

Well… that sure was a thing! Really exciting body discovery, can't believe we have a dismemberment in chapter 1 already, damn. Also cool because Antonia and Vanessa don't seem to be the killer, which is great! And now I'm extremely worried about Paris’ survival, which is not so great, I like that one! Then again, I like all of these guys, so I'll get sad no matter who the blackened is.

As for Cass themselves, I'll mourn the loss, though I think it's very possible we still haven't heard the last of them. The secrets and lies Antonia caught still haven't been revealed, after all. 

In any case, hope you enjoyed reading, and look forward to next week, when we'll probably get just enough information for me to go truly insane over the murder method! See ya'!

Canon Notes:

Staff Members

Customer Service Desk

Monoquin’s Hands

Killing Game Explanation

Monoquin File Lies

Personal Notes:

Clockmaker’s Intuition

Kennedy’s Spiked Rings

CSD Request List

Noah’s Earbuds

Robert's Queasiness

[hyukascampfire]

greetings, my dear ashlynn. i, 🌰, am back in your inbox with the promised cruel prince review. (no spoilers, fear not hyukascampfire-ville.) i was making some goblincore doodles just now for my media journal when i remembered you both prompted me to pick up this series and make art again so i had to rush over here‼️ first of all, i’m obsessed !? which is embarrassing because my sister just had peak literature in her room all along and i wasn’t made aware of how peak it is exactly. but she was staring at the amount of tabs she put on the first book and went “huh? which pages did i mark? nothing really happens in the cruel prince” and i was like “???” idk if it’s because i’ve consumed too much cosy fiction this year but the stakes were high so it definitely seemed to me that things did, in fact, happen.

but, i digress. you asked me to guess who your fave character is omg… idk, cardan? or oak. everyone loves oak though so i wonder if it counts (^^;) it’s probably an unpopular opinion but so far i don’t really understand what makes cardan so attractive besides the fact that he’s handsome. and i do mind that he has a tail 💀 but we’ll see. love jude though! she’s so unhinged (positive.) vivi as well. taryn… i understand why she made those questionable choices but she’s on thin ice. i love how convoluted and nuanced the characters’ family ties are; there were very interesting relationship dynamics at play and the court politics were also very intriguing. i actually sort of expected the ending but that’s only because i have N in my mbti lmao. and you were right about how similar the ~feels~ are to tsfawc, while your work itself is original. either way, i’m happy to conclude the year with such amazing reads, especially since you announced your event— i can’t think of anything interesting to request so i’ll let the others work their magic!!

just my two cents… i’d love to know in advance which requests you got, like, just the members and the tropes (?), the suspense is killing me (> <) no pressure though, i know you’ve already got a lot on your plate. good luck with everything! and take care ♡ 🌰

YESS i was waiting for this!!

i think that, even though i absolutely agree that so much happened in the first book (i mean… let’s talk abt balekin and what he did to his family omfg), the second book is ABSOLUTELY my favorite. it’s SO fun. i absolutely need to see your reaction to the ending. jude has an incredible brain.

my fav character is axtually the ghost!! i effing love the ghost. he’s actually part of the inspiration for taehyun in TSFAWC 😣 i can’t say much because you still have so much to go, but i just love him.

the tail 😭😭 i totally understand u w not seeing cardan as all that yet, but omg from this point forward…. you just gotta come back here and tell me how you feel abt him with each. holly does a great job at throwing you around >.<

i absolutely love jude as a main character. n her sisters,, well, vivi especially. taryn…………. ahem. anyway, i am SO with you on the layered and murky family dynamics. i ESPECIALLY love jude and madoc. their relationship is my #1 favorite aspect of the series. the whole, ‘my father is the worst man in the world, and i am his daughter’ thing? ugh. yes.

also the ending omfg i wish i had seen that coming because when i read it, i was ten shades of shocked and anxious. i was so excited for jude and cardan and how things were going, and well… but i think this just made things SO much better, and of course makes sense for jude’s character. phew.

thank you so much for always coming by to talk, and for wishing me well on the event!! i’ll go post the members and tropes for the event rn, i’m so excited, i’ll do it just for you hehe

[mxtxfanatic]

Now that I’m official done with my Mist reread, let's discuss Song Qinglan's "homophobia" and why the idea of trying to force someone out of the closet via "turning" them is actually not comedy. This is a long one, so more under the cut.

One of the very first descriptions of Song Qinglan (and Team 7) that we get from the novel is this:

Chief Lin’s expression was strange but, as expected of a leader who had seen much of the world, he was able to quickly recover: “That’s just right. You don’t have to worry about this. The captain surnamed Song is.......deeply homophobic. The team he leads......they’re all homophobic.”

—Chapt. 1: Beginning

Before we even meet the characters, this is a "known fact," and later, when we actually meet the characters, despite them all immediately being enamored with Ji Yushi and how intimate their interactions with each other are, they hold on to the "homophobic" label. Song Qinglan's "straightness to the point of homophobia" is even played for laughs by the narrative! It is only after the team bonds in the Ouroboros while facing death after death, together, does Li Chun say this:

“Hey, in fact our Cap Song is a pretty good person. That time when Old Yu’s accident happened, Cap Song did everything he could to carry him out of the desert and walked tens of kilometres with him on his back. Although a scout is considered a civilian job, they are sometimes required to be out in the field. After that accident, Cap Song had been blaming himself. He didn’t want you to come so he deliberately said those things. We are at most just a little straight but it’s not to the extent of being homopho——”

—Chapt. 19: Ouroboros

Song Qinglan only posited himself as "homophobic" in order to dissuade Ji Yushi from joining their team, in fear that he may be the next teammate injured. Sounds like a reasonable—if not dramatic— explanation for his actions. But why did others believe this? Again, avid gossiper Li Chun to the rescue:

“I heard he and Cap Song joined Tianqiong around the same time. When the two were students, they were both often put together as promising students and were known as the Double Lan Duo. Later, Lin Xinlan publicly pursued Cap Song and when he was ruthlessly turned down, he swore that he would definitely make him his. Cap Song was straight and had kept a distance from him since then, but Lin Xinlan continued to persistently chase after him. Not to mention giving him breakfast, he even waited for him after work and all that. There was one time when Cap Song wasn’t around, someone saw Lin Xinlan come out of Cap Song’s office with his clothes dishevelled. That pervert, who knows what he was secretly doing in Cap Song’s office for so long.....”

—Chapt. 32: Chaos

There we have it: Song Qinglan earned the label of "homophobic" after having a falling out with a gay ex-friend—a friend so close to him that their colleagues had dubbed them the "Double Lan Duo"—who seemingly crossed many boundaries in an attempt to pursue him romantically. What's strange about this, however, is that... everyone else seems to have a more negative reaction to the situation than Song Qinglan, himself. In fact, only Duan Wen would have been present when this situation happened, as the rest of the team are younger recruits and, thus, would have only learned of these events secondhand. When the situation is finally brought up to Song Qinglan, he is confused about how his dislike of his former friend had been progressed through the stories of others into "PTSD:"

He didn’t raise his head, “From the time he confessed to you which resulted in you developing PTSD?” PTSD? Who gave that mess a name like that? The timing and occasion wasn’t right. Song Qinglan didn’t know how to explain the matter, “.........”

—Chapt. 65: Rubik's Cube

So now we have established that Song Qinglan is not, in fact, homophobic and he does not, in fact, have a negative reaction to all gay men. The initial label came from his falling out with a former friend who confessed to him and then was purposefully exacerbated in order to dissuade Ji Yushi from joining Team 7 for their dangerous mission. Other than having some misconceptions (encouraged by petty Ji Yushi) about gay men, he is never violently or maliciously homophobic towards any gay character who appears in the novel, past or present.

Moving on, let's discuss my problems with how this "homophobia" arc is handled. The problem lies not in the fact that it exists but in 1) why the rumors start to begin with and 2) how the narrative treats it. And in order to break this down, we must address the character that serves as the locus for this entire conflict: Lin Xinlan. When we finally meet this character in person, this is how he is described:

Lin Xinlan was pretty good looking, and he gave of a rather refreshing vibe. In fact, he wasn’t the annoying type. No one would’ve thought that such a person would later become such a clingy spirit. What gave him the confidence that Song Qinglan would be bent?

—Chapt. 66: Rubik's Cube

Ji Yushi specifically notes that Lin Xinlan does not seem like the type to harass someone into liking them, not like someone to push boundaries at all. Then to add to that, we get these little tidbits from Lin Xinlan as he and Ji Yushi share a brief conversation:

Before Ji Yushi could speak, he added, “Sorry, I don’t know if you mind talking about sexual orientation.”

—Chapt. 69: Rubik's Cube

“Straight?” Lin Xinlan was a little surprised. He immediately commented, “That is indeed tricky. I would never touch a straight man.”

—Chapt. 70: Rubik's Cube

From these quotes, we learn three key things about Lin Xinlan: 1) he does not appear to be one to harass others into liking him, 2) he is respectful about others' sexualities, and 3) he does not pursue straight men. The real question is: are all of these things true? Well, yes and no:

“Fulfilled the bet?” Ji Yushi thought for a moment and then understood what he was referring to, “I thought you said you never touch straight men?” “It’s okay to give yourself a chance. At least I gave it a try.” Lin Xinlan shrugged, “Moreover, Cap Song....isn’t as straight as one would imagine.” Ji Yushi: “......How did you know?” Lin Xinlan thought he didn’t believe him. He leaned back against the railing and said slowly, “Just a feeling, I guess.” ... “Since Song Qinglan had that possibility and I also had a year to try, it didn’t hurt to give it a chance. How could there be fairness in matters like love?” Reaching this point, Lin Xinlan took out a dice from his pocket, “This was something he gave me when we were playing a game back when we were completing our training at training camp. After an argument, I wanted to give this back to him by putting it back on his desk but I accidentally knocked over his glass of water and this resulted in unpleasant rumours. I originally wanted to explain but from that encounter in Rubik’s Cube, it seems that he has already forgotten what this was.”

—Chapt. 79: Our Reality

Turns out, the first and last points are untrue, but not in the way that the story presents it. You see, while Lin Xinlan's actions were made out to be worse than he intended by their straight peers (a whole other topic), the harassment comes from the fact that Song Qinglan was not in a space to accept Lin Xinlan's advances, something Lin Xinlan did not take into account or respect because he had already substituted his own present-Song Qinglan who still considered himself "straight" with the future Song Qinglan who was in love with Ji Yushi. Thus, his use of his limited knowledge of the future to try to force Song Qinglan out the closet backfired on both him and Song Qinglan. If Lin Xinlan was that confident in his assessment that Song Qinglan was unknowingly queer and if he was truly genuine in caring for Song Qinglan as both a friend and a potential partner, then the right thing to do would have been for him to be a supportive pillar for his friend as Song Qinglan discovered his sexuality on his own, not try to force his realization by romantically pursuing him while he was nowhere near a space to be receptive. The relationship breakdown was not from Song Qinglan's "homophobia" but from Lin Xinlan's overconfidence eclipsing his respect for his friend.

All this to say, my problem lies not in the fact that the narrative ran with the "homophobia" misunderstanding, but that it labeled a unknowing queer character as "homophobic" for laughs while the reason behind the label actually makes him the victim in a way the story fails to explore. Song Qinglan is a fictional character so he can have as peaceful a coming out as the author wants him to have despite these circumstances, but for irl queer people, being forcefully outted or pressured into "accepting" your sexuality just because someone you trust wants to date you can be an unpleasant at best, traumatic at worst experience. It's a failure of the author to not have taken that into account when considering writing this particular plot choice.

[outsidereveries]

— bang chan, ive situation

ik i added pic of ot8 skz but since there are questions about them about this.. yeah

disclaimer: in this situation i understand bang chan completely and i don’t really understand what’s the whole issue behind it. however, i’m not taking any sides, so i’m neutral.

why bang chan expressed his opinion: honestly, i felt he spit it out and it wasn’t intentional to harm anyone, but he was honest with you, stays (and the rest of the community). it’s his opinion.

what were the intentions for this: it’s all because of the upbringing. i mean възпитание he was aware that the generations change more or less but honestly he’s just curious why they don’t have the manners he has. i think chan was genuine.

who he meant with these words: maybe someone who is hardworking to the extent they’re workaholic? it feels that it’s general and not towards someone specific.

what he feels towards all of this: this might be suprising to all of you, but i’m not suprised by this. honestly, he feels positive that he brang awareness about this lack of manners in some way. chan was aware of that his words will probably be misinterpreted in the end because of the lack of everyone’s mindset, so i think he just said “at least i tried”.

why he apologised: as i said earlier, he just spit it out. it’s not forced “sorry”, it’s genuine, he didn’t mean to do any harm. he said his opinion, his truth and chan just wants the newer generations to at least respect each other and say/wave for “hello”.

what was jype founder’s reaction: honestly, he expected to act in this way. you know, because of the relevance his group has, skz’s popularity, etc etc, he just thinks bang chan acted as he should no matter if chan wanted to say this or not

bang chan’s feelings towards ive (as a group): honestly.. uh.. i don’t think he thinks positive things for all of the girls. i think he matches with some of them just fine but something seems fishy, because i think bang chan has false impressions at least to one of the ive girls that can be shown as (from ive) stubborn, controlling, materialistic and etc.. their collegial work in the future will probably go okay if they happen to have any but bang chan doesn’t think fondly for all of ive in my cards’ opinion and he might shut himself for it even in front of them.

was bang chan offended at ive: not fully? i think he had someone else in mind who better aligns with this. maybe one/two girl/s but i don’t know, it really feels it’s general and not specific. but yeah, he might meant also someone in ive in this opinion of his.

did ive meant to be disrespectful at stray kids: some of them do, others no. i think the answer itself is divided.

and now.. the longer questions

(were ive overwhelmed with the drama?)

yujin: her? overwhelmed? she agrees with him! she thinks chan is acting rebellious for this and deep inside she might love it, but she won’t admit it, but overall no.

gaeul: uhhhhhh… she’s indecisive about it. i think she’s trying to stay as neutral as possible, but overall, i feel she’s fine with this.

rei: she also thinks that it’s brave from bang chan to do this. rei would like to learn his perspective about it.

wonyoung: yeah, she was.

liz: she might be also overwhelmed about this tbh but i think she thinks in this way because of stubbornness

lesseo: she though about it and i feel she’s fine with the situation as long as it doesn’t impact ive/lesseo personally.

(skz’s thoughts on the drama)

lee know: basically, “even the bad talks are still publicity for stray kids”

changbin: he might’ve felt emotional at the peak of the drama, but it’s positive. he’s optimistic.

hyunjin: also positive. he probably has similsr mindset as lee know.

han: he was afraid that it might happen similar situation as hyunjin’s. he just love skz too much, so i feel it was a turning point for han.

felix: definitely in more negative way than han because he still thinks about it. felix is probably worried that bang chan will sabotage himself to the way skz will be cancelled somehow.

seungmin: he knows it’s conscious, so he’s fine with the drama.

in: either this is a new beginning to him or he’s kind of neutral about it.

(ive’s opinion about the haters towards the situation)

yujin: she thinks they doesn’t have stable opinion.

gaeul: her self-esteem might be low because of them. i think she’s overwhelmed because of them and it’s like she gave up?

rei: the energy is similar as gaeul’s.

wonyoung: she’s aware of their opinions and she’s fine with it. we give, they also give.

liz: the energy is similar as gaeul and rei’s.

lesseo: she’s chill about them and doesn’t care.

(ive’s opinion about the k-netizens’ opinions)

yujin: she tries to think positively of it and tries to accept them.

gaeul: she has similar mindset as yujin with the difference there is optimism for new beginning.

rei: oof.. her self-esteem is lower because of them too. apparently she has similar opinion as what she thinks of the haters about the situation.

wonyoung: she’s reflecting on them, so i think she accepts them and she’s learning many more from them.

liz: she tries to be chill with it but she might think they’re just haters, so i think she’s just thinking pessimistic.

lesseo: it’s their choice, so she really doesn’t care.

(bang chan’s thoughts on…)

yujin: she’s someone with much potential who is yet to blossom.

gaeul: someone who has the impact to change everything. bang chan might feel she has the potential to bring awareness for at least some things.

rei: doesn’t want to share

wonyoung: uh.. i have two theories.

very busy person who wants to get to know better. he also thinks she’s also yet to blossom

workaholic who wants only to work in the sphere she’s in just to be in power. he also thinks she’s lacking self-care and he might be worried for her

nothing in between

liz: he might know something about her mental health. he might be worried for her well-being, because i see he’s thinking she’s overwhelming and great at the same time.

lesseo: bang chan might want to get to know her better. their age difference might be the problem, and i think the intentions behind it are completely friendly and it doesn’t involve any feelings love-wise.

(ive’s thoughts on bang chan)

yujin: did something happen to them that she’s feeling sad? disappointed? i think it’s not about the drama..

gaeul: she might’ve feel offended bc of the drama

rei: she’s feeling chaos bc of the drama, so.. i’ll leave blank here.

wonyoung: she thinks positively of him but in some way she might be divagating her real thoughts on him

liz: she might isolate herself about her real thoughts of him. perhaps, she might be afraid to know him better?

lesseo: blank. her thoughts has recently changed.

(ive's thoughts on skz)

yujin: she likes them. she might be casual fan.

gaeul: uh, she might not get along with them well. did something happen that made her character clashing with (someone/some people of) skz?

rei: blank. she might be afraid of knowing them better. she might have hard time to face something about them.

wonyoung: her thoughts are unstable.

liz: positive, actually. she might be a fan

lesseo: also positive. she might be stay/also a fan

(skz's opinion about ive's scandals as a whole)

chan: neutral, i guess. i feel he thinks that this is the way ive has to pay in some way about their fame

lee know: "it's hard for them."

changbin: "this is the way they have to blossom.."

hyunjin: (pretends to be suprised)

han: his opinion is changing currently

felix: his thoughts are unstable

seungmin: "they're rebelsss we love theeem"

in: he thinks it's fair (but for ive to shine)

(skz's opinion about ive's popularity in south korea)

chan: quite confusing to their wave, but open towards it and accepting their fame

lee know: he is chill bc they deserves it

changbin: he's examining their popularity, lol; he's doing this for good purposes

hyunjin: posiitve, he loves it

han: he thinks it's rigged :| :| (idk in what way)

felix: his thoughts are currently changing

seungmin: doesn't want us to know

in: chill about it, he thinks they know how to entertain

(skz's opinion about ive's popularity worldwide)

chan: for some reason, he feels it's unfair. maybe ive deserve more to him?

lee know: doesn't want us to know

changbin: positive, they deserve it

hyunjin: uncertain.

han: i assume he doesn't want to share

felix: his opinion is unstable

seungmin: same as hyunjin/felix

in: "chaos" (positively)

uh.. yeah

sorry for being late late

[ejzah]

I never really liked Callen's response when Densi's relationship was finally outed. Instead of being happy for them he just said, don't pretend like you didn't know the risks. Way to be supportive Callen. Could you maybe write a fanfic where he apologizes to Deeks, but also assures everyone is happy for Densi.

A/N: Hi anon, I might not have gone as hard on Callen as you might have liked. I hope this is ok though.

***

Mixed Reactions

Kensi left before Deeks, deciding to go to her apartment and order takeout for both of them. He’d had one more report to submit, which took longer than usual as he thought over everything that happened. From getting spied on during their morning workout, to Hetty telling them to separate for the day, to her final big reveal that he had an open IA investigation against him.

While he was packing up, Callen walked in, texting one handed. He paused when he saw Deeks, then continued on to his own desk.

“You’re here late,” he commented.

“One of my monthly LAPD reports was due,” Deeks explained. He straightened a few items on his desk, the antithesis of Kensi’s trinket covered space, leaving just a cup of pens, a file holder, and his nameplate. He could sense Callen across the room, watching him, and wondered if he was about to get a lecture.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure we were good,” Callen said eventually.

“When are we not good?” Deeks responded with a tight smile. Today had been long and stressful, and for once, he did not feel up for chitchat. He closed his laptop, sliding it into his messenger bag.

“I mean, after what we talked about today. You and Kensi.”

“Oh, I think you made your position on our relationship stunningly clear.” He answered flippantly, not wanting to show how much Callen’s lack of faith in him and Kensi bothered him. He’d expected it to a point. Having it confirmed though wasn’t what he wanted.

“Ok, maybe what I said came out a little more harshly than I intended,” Callen admitted, and Deeks snorted.

“No, “don’t pretend you didn’t know the risks” is definitely a ringing endorsement,” Deeks said wryly, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he turned to face Callen finally. “You don’t approve of us dating. It’s ok. We expected it, which is why we attempted to keep it under wraps.”

“And that obviously worked out well for you,” Callen said with his usual dry sarcasm.

“Are we done here? Because it’s late, and I’m tired, and Kensi’s waiting for me.”

“Deeks, wait.” Callen touched Deeks’ forearm, keeping him from brushing past. Deeks waited expectantly while Callen shifted uncomfortably. “Look, you know I’m not great when it comes to this stuff.”

“Clearly,” Deeks agreed.

“Just listen for a second. From the perspective of your team leader and coworker, yes, I’m not the biggest fan. The two of you dating is definitely gonna make things more difficult. It’s just the nature of crossing that line,” he explained himself, hesitating. Deeks raised an eyebrow, waiting for the part that didn’t sound like further criticism. “But as your friend, I’m also happy for you. After everything you’ve gone through and overcome in the last couple years, you deserve this. I’m sorry that my initial response wasn’t better.”

“Oh. That’s, uh, that’s surprisingly supportive and kind,” Deeks said with some surprise. He pursed his lips, feeling a little awkward now. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Callen smirked, breaking the moment. “I will wholeheartedly deny it though if you even think of telling Sam I said it.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Good.” Callen extended his hand to Deeks, and after a moment, he took it squeezing firmly. “Have a nice night, Deeks.”

“You too, Callen.”

Callen look over his shoulder on the way out. “Oh, and I might keep the PDAs to a minimum if you don’t want Granger to shoot you.”

“Got it,” Deeks said, shaking his head as he slung his bag over his shoulder. Oddly enough, he felt just a little bit better.

***

Thanks for the prompt!

[leeannsparksauthor]

Are You Lonesome Tonight

A/N: So this is a little angsty one-shot that I wrote a while back because I mean come on look at that man! Also this is still a Joel x Reader but it’s in first-person.

Warnings: Brief mentionsof depression and suicide.

“What the fuck were you thinking!?” Joel’s voice echoed around the room, ringing in my ears. I could feel his anger like a punch at the center of my bruised chest. He had every right to be angry with what happened, I could have gotten us all killed, I almost did. Ellie was trying to calm him down, but he wasn’t listening, sometimes he never does. 

She had brought over a half full bottle of water which I took sips of in between Joel’s beratement and resting my head between my knees. Trying to regain the breath that I’d lost earlier. “Come on Joel, lay off her…”

“No, Ellie, you stay out of this!” He said with a finger pointing in her direction. It wasn’t fair to her, she shouldn’t be getting blamed for my mistake. Even though it wasn’t a mistake, not really, I mean we’re all alive aren't we? “I want you to tell me right now just what the fuck were you thinking?!” His focus was back on me again, needless to say he was attractive even when he was yelling at me. 

I took one more sip from the water bottle before closing the lid on it, “I guess I wasn’t thinking.” I figured that would be a reasonable enough answer for him, for now at least. Exhaustion was practically stewing in the room we were in. One of the safe houses along the path we were taking, it was nice considering the less than safe area we were in before. I picked up my bag off the floor and made my way upstairs, taking two at a time, anything to get me away from this conversation. 

Even though I had the desire to slam the door like I was a teenager again I resisted, I’m not that fucking stupid apparantly. Once the door was shut my body seemed to deplete every last bit of energy it had, making me slide along the rotten wood until I was on the ground. Eerily similar to a position I found myself in not even two hours earlier. 

It was meant to be an easy trip, a familiar one, one that Joel and I had taken so many times. Only difference was Ellie tagging along for this one, she insisted, saying she ‘needed to know about it anyway.’ Everyone was skeptical, including Tommy and Maria, ultimately Joel was the deciding factor and what he says goes. 

We never meant for it to get out of hand. We also never expected five clickers to be waiting in the caved-in structure beside the building. Everything just happened so fast, the shelf that we were moving broke apart. Which sent dust flying everywhere, specifically over to me and my weak asthmatic lungs. No one ever tells you how shitty survival in the apocolypse can be when your own body works against you. 

My coughing is what brought them to us. What caused us to be pushed to opposite ends of the room, in struggling silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew what I had to do, it was simple, the moment that Ellie’s foot shuffled and the clicker roared over at the noise she made, I knew. 

I called out to them from my corner causing all five of them to turn towards me before I took off towards the staircase. I didn’t get the chance to see Joel or Ellie’s reaction. I could only hear the sound of gunshots following me up the four flights of stairs. On the last flight my foot had slipped causing me to ram into the handrail directly into the center of my chest. I thought that was it for me, my lungs were already working at max capacity, they didn’t have anything left in them. 

The only thing I could hope for was that the door I slammed shut behind me would be enough, it had to be enough. My body struggled to keep the door closed, my feet dug into the ground as best as I could against the clicker who pounded against the metal. It seemed like everything I had left gave up in a single split second. The soles of my shoes slid against tile, the door swung open and the clicker stood in the center of it above me. 

Then it was over, a gunshot rang out and the infected dropped in the doorway. I was heaving on the ground, each breath felt like inhaling shards of glass. My lungs constricted, and my vision was blurring around the edges. I could barely make out what Joel and Ellie were saying, too desperate to get some fucking air back in my body. It only got better when Joel pressed his fingers to the center of my chest and spine, a trick that my doctor back in the day had given me. One which Joel learned when he saw me through the first asthma attack I had around him. 

Now I’m here, desperately wishing that I wasn’t. 

Joel found me an hour later, looking through the window of our safe house. “Come on pack your bag, we're scouting out a location for the next few days before winter sets in.” His tone left no room for arguing, he’s always been gruff even more so now given what happened. I’ve learned to walk beside him and the burdens he carries and I’ll keep doing so until I can’t anymore. Until he doesn’t want me to anymore.

Our supplies were gathered in silence, Ellie handed me another bottle of water which I tried to give back to her. “You need it more than I do right now, I’m good.” She was a good kid, I just wish she didn’t have to go through this shit. Joel said she was going to stay behind, code for I’m about to get my ass chewed out on the ride to the other location.

You could cut the tension inside the car with a knife, usually Joel is eager to sit in silence, not tonight though. “Do you wanna tell me what’s been going on?” That question threw me off, I was expecting him to yell at me some more. I secretly craved it, I wanted to be reminded of my fuck up, give me a reason to feel something, anything. “Can you at least tell me what you were thinking?” Yeah what was I fucking thinking huh?

I didn’t look over at him, the thing about Joel is that behind every rough jagged piece of him are his eyes. His eyes feel like they know everything, every small imperfect part of a person. Like they’re reflecting back every sin you can think of. “I guess I was thinking that we had to get out of there and there was an immediate solution so I took it.” 

He scoffed at my statement, “that’s fucking bullshit, we could have gotten out of there…”

I didn’t want to hear it, I didn’t want to hear about how my almost death could have been avoided. About how stupid it was, how reckless, how selfish. “Look, it happened, it’s done, I won’t try to be the hero anymore now can we move on?” Even at the end of the world you still want to try an be a hero, fucking pathetic.

“No we can’t, cause you almost got yourself killed.”

“I didn’t though, I’m right here, I’m still fucking here.” I don’t want to be, I really don’t want to be here anymore.

There was silence for a few more brief perfect moments, “what were you thinking?”

Fine, he wants to know, fine.“I was thinking…I was thinking that the whole world ended twenty years ago…and now I’m just waiting for it to take effect. But I’m just…I’m just tired of waiting now I guess. Fuck Joel you don’t know how many times I’ve thought about just going out there, alone. Maybe stepping on a patch of cordyceps and just waiting.” The waiting would be the scariest part I think.

“Why haven’t you?” If it were anyone else I would’ve thought they asked the question as a ‘well what are you waiting for’ type of situation. Not Joel though, no he wants to know so he can fix it. He can’t though, he’ll never be able to.  

My shoulders shrugged despite all of the weight I’ve put on them. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just too chicken shit. Maybe I’m still too scared of what comes after. Maybe I should have just put a bullet in my brain when all of this shit started, I don’t know why I didn’t.” I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes and it just made me angrier. Fuck now you’re crying, in front of Joel Miller of all people. 

“Don’t say shit like that.”

It was my turn to scoff at him, “you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it Joel.” Just about everyone I’ve met has thought about it at some point. Some were just more committed than others I guess. 

“Oh I have,” I know he has, it’s written on his face, in every line, every scar. Joel’s a survivor though, he always has been. If I had to put money on anyone making it to one hundred in this world it would be him. 

“So why haven’t you done it?”

It was his turn to contemplate that question, it’s not such an easy one to answer. “Fuck, I don’t know darlin’, I guess you stick around for family at this point.” The way he says darlin’, like every bad thing in the world magically vanishes when he says it.

I thought about everyone that I’ve lost, every single one of them. It fucking hurts, I keep waiting for the day that it stops. I don’t know what to do with the memories, with the love I had for them. “I don’t have that Joel, I haven’t had that in a long time.” I’ll probably never have it at this point. 

“Look at me…hey look at me,” I shook my head no, part of me knew what he was going to say. 

The soft sounds of the Elvis cassette playing seemed to bring even more sadness to our environment. Like a memory trying to resurface through pain. “Don’t do that to me Joel, please don’t,”

He stopped the car now, turning off the battery which was a stupid thing to do since there was a chance it might not start again. “Do what darlin’?”

I finally looked over at him and I was right, he sees me, and every faulty part. “Make me think that I matter, I don’t, I know don’t, nothing does.” Things lost meaning when the world stopped turning and they haven’t mattered since. 

“You matter to me, you’ve always mattered to me…I don’t want you to not be here. I want you right here, next to me.” I couldn’t help the ridiculous sobbing laughter that left me at his words. They meant more than he could ever know but in the end it’s not enough. Maybe I can be content with the life I still have to live in this world that was desperate to start over. Maybe I can even have brief moments of happiness. Or maybe I could step outside, maybe it might be the only choice I get in the end. 

“You gettin’ sentimental in your old age Joel?”

“Shut up and get over here.” He pulled me closer to him crashing his mouth against mine and we stayed like that until my lungs protested the lack of air. Every kiss we shared felt like the first time as cliche as it sounds. I think it’s just knowing the fact that it could always be the last one that makes me want to hold on tighter. 

This life isn’t worth living, but maybe it’s worth fighting for. For a little bit longer anyway. 

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 72 - apple cutting

Ah, yes, Basira's going after Rayner! Interestingly enough, Basira once did walk in on Jon when he was recording a statement with Rayner (MAG 52 Exceptional Risk with Robert Montauk). On my first listen I honestly didn't remember the name Maxwell Rayner from MAG 52, even less from MAG 9, so I totally didn't understand why Jon knew to bring torches. Also, without the knowledge of the Fears and their specialties I think I didn't make the connection of darkness being a thing on its own at that time, as it's a stylistic device used in a lot of horror.

I think it's funny, that in English it's spelled "kebab" (with a B at the end) while in German it's "Kebap" (with a p at the end). Either way, it's neither an English word nor a German one. I looked it up, and in Turkish (and Austria, and Germany I guess, has a lot of Turkish influences. I mean, siege of Vienna by the Ottoman Empire happened not only once but twice and a lot their stuff just stuck) it's spelled kebap with the P, but that also just traces back to the arabic word kabāb and there it's spelled with a B.

"Weirdly enough, it wasn’t a Chinese; it just served kebab, chicken, burgers…" - We actually have a lot of those everything-takeaways here. Kebap, Pizza, Burritos, Sushi, Schnitzel, all from the same restaurant

"I was always under the impression that you needed to order those huge rotating columns of things specially" - lol, it's literally just a bunch of meat pierced onto that Döner skewer. It's that simple. I looks impressive yes, but it's not complicated.

"You know the weirdest part, though? The bit I regret most is that I don’t know which of the meals it was. I feel like, if I’ve been tricked into eating a person, I might at least have learned what a human being tastes like." - Hhhnnggg, I miiiight have been the same? Hard to say not being in that position. I mean my initial reaction, just thinking about this, is nausea, but I totally understand that there is a sense of curiosity there?

"I know how that sounds, and I’m certainly not okay with murder," - Yeah, totally agree on that one. That is completely out of the question.

"not to mention the issue with prion diseases" - Yep! AAALSO DID YOU KNOW!!! (Oh god, I waited 74 days to finally talk about this!) There was a person who survived 10 years with Creutzfeldt-Jakob thanks to experimental treatment. (The average life expectancy following the onset of symptoms is 13 months, so 10 years is a big deal!). And now hold on to your butts. That person was a man from the UK. And his name was… Jonathan Simms! (Look him up, he got a Wikipedia page. Simms, with double M, from Belfast.)

"but the actual act of eating meat that comes from a human? I’m fine with it. I can’t help but feel that anyone happy to eat other meats is something of a hypocrite if they’re not at least theoretically fine with eating human. There’s nothing inherently special about us. We feel as much pain, see the world with the same eyes as a real pig. Meat is meat." - This is what I meant when I said just two episodes ago, that Jonny put a lot of views or thoughts into TMA that I totally had in the exact same way before. I've always said I should be fine with eating all kinds of animals, not just the ones we deem not cute enough to keep as a pet. People always tried to get a reaction out of me when finding out that I have a horse by saying "Omnom, I like salami" (first of all, what is wrong with you that this is what you want to say to a person who likes horses. Just shut your mouth if you have nothing of value to say) and I always was like "Yeah, if it's not a horse I knew, why not". I also always thought I should be able to stand next to an animal getting slaughtered if I want to eat them. Meat is meat? My saying always was (although I'm not religious, but I think everyone got, what I meant) "All life is the same in front of god and on a dinner plate."

Since I am Caucasian in Central Europe I feel like I'm not really in a place to comment on the discourse of racism in this episode. I do see however that it seems to be self-aware of it a bit when the statement-giver talks about that teenager, who broke into the kebap shop. Like "It's a white boy in nice shoes, of course they let him go."

"but that if I didn’t check in with him in an hour or so, he should come down, in case I had trouble of any kind." - Smart. I like smart people in horror stories.

"In his spindly hands he held a pair of bolt cutters, with the blades positioned either side of my ankle." - I heard that a full rupture of the Achilles tendon is one of the most painful things (burns are also super high on that scale btw. Poor Jack Barnabas). My dad told me he was once present when an athlete ruptured their Achilles tendon while running. He said it was like a gunshot… But yeah, anything in horror media or thrillers etc. involving cutting the Achilles tendon is some body horror that seriously gets to me. I don't know, feet in general get to me. Happens regularly at work (Ha, imagine working in orthopedics T___T).

"I saw chipped teacups, a stack of what looked like old bibles" - This ties in with MAG 5! There was a trash bag with strips of paper with prayers on them!

"A small pile of human fingers." / "In a single, smooth motion the knife lashed out, cutting through my bound hands and neatly severing three of my fingers in a sudden burst of white-hot pain." / "Instead he picked up my fingers one by one and tossed them off-handedly onto the pile behind him." / "then looked at my right hand, which still seemed to have all five fingers. It didn’t make any sense. I could still see the ones he had cut-off on the pile. One of them bore my heavy silver ring, while the same finger on my hand did not." - This is why I always knew that MAG 5 is a Flesh statement. The detail about the teeth being all the very same but in different stages of decay and age. The thing with the fingers was just exactly like that.

"He spoke with a crisp RP accent, which surprised me. You know what’s messed up? Here was this guy clearly about to kill me and carve me up for meat, and I still somehow felt bad about making the assumption that he couldn’t speak English, like I didn’t want my last thoughts on Earth to be low-key racist." - There the statement is again self-aware of some sort of racism. This is absolutely a thing sadly, especially in super white Central Europe. How often have I heard people of color tell me that they got told "Wow, your German is really good." ¬_¬ Though I do totally understand the criticism of using the stereotype of the "Chinese people will eat anything" for a Flesh-themed statement. In the movie Fresh (2022) (also, spoilers for Fresh:) the first place where the protagonist has a date is also a Chinese restaurant and I was very aware that this was probably also already a nod at where the story is headed - cannibalism. There were subtle hints to this throughout the whole movie before we get to the reveal, that Sebastian Stan's character abducts women to lock them up at his house at a remote location and uses them as supply for fresh human meat to sell to rich people.

Ha, Jon says "End statement" again instead of "Statement ends".

It's a very loaded statement! A lot of interesting stuff, and a lot of less so. I don't want to get into it, but I do think the statement is very self aware more than people give it credit for, and the Flesh entity is terrifying.

The teeth and fingers thing is... ough. Gross is putting it lightly haha!

[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH,Entry 181

 “What’s bothering you, Four?” questioned Messy.  We were sitting down by the pond with everyone who didn’t need sleep, chatting by a floating fire that Aid was maintaining.

 Glancing at the others, I said, “Nothing, really.”

 “Liar.” stated Luce as she idly spun through the air, practicing her spells for flight.

 “I’m not!” I argued, frowning when Aid gave me a flat stare.  “I really don’t consider myself bothered!  I will admit to feeling slightly confused… or maybe disappointed, but not bothered.”

 Several of the others laughed.

 “See, I’m just being silly.  It’s nothing.” I told them again, letting out a sigh when I knew they didn’t believe me.  Of course, they wouldn’t.  They could literally feel what I’m feeling through my magic.  Keeping myself calm was never the easiest trick, but I typically did better than this.  I almost expected Father to whisk me away for a talk, but he didn’t.  

 Staring out at the pond as I gathered my thoughts, I knew the others weren’t going to drop this.  I was perfectly aware that they cared about me, but there were times I didn’t really feel like discussing things.  Wishing they would just let things drop wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I stood and did my best to face them all.

 “I can’t figure out why we met Ben.” I stated, watching their reactions.

 Valeria’s confusion was perfectly understandable.  She hadn’t been part of our family long enough to know that nothing in our lives happened by chance.  My siblings looked more contemplative, probably thinking along more similar lines to me than even Messy was.  As Death’s daughter, Messy was privy to information that I wasn’t, which afforded her very different views on things at times.  I was doing my best not to even acknowledge Crazy right now, though I couldn’t help knowing she was grinning.  There was a reasonable chance that Crazy had figured something out that I hadn’t even considered yet—she was absolutely brilliant—but there was an equal chance that she had formulated over a thousand misleading ideas that she’d want to share because they amused her.  Crazy was simply too much like her grandmother to ever seek her advice.

 “I really don’t think this is any sort of test.” offered Aid, breaking the silence.

 Luce nodded, showing that she agreed.  “I don’t think meeting him is about us.  Father might have wanted us to meet Ben because Ben’s family needed some redirection.  They were about to poach on Father’s land.”

 “I agree that meeting Ben was probably more for his benefit than our own, but the adults didn’t swear Ben’s family to secrecy in any way.  The Boss might have a dozen reasons for this encounter, he’s been influenced by my mother for Death knows how long.” added Messy with a cute frown.

 Where I wouldn’t touch Crazy’s thoughts from a world away, I wished I could follow Messy’s.  No matter what else happened, Messy was on my side.  She also had no qualms about staring down Death and arguing, not that she ever really won, but Death did allow Messy to make a positive difference in the lives of others from time-to-time, probably with a million reasons we’d never know about.

 “You worry too much.” stated Crazy, who was now barely a foot away from me, her eyes locked on my face.  “The Boss will get whatever he wants to happen, and we will play our parts as he wants.  Understanding what’s happening is fun, but we’re not going to do our parts any better or worse than was foreseen by practicing our frowns.  Relax!!”  She, thankfully gently, punched my arm.

 I tensed up as her grin grew in size.

 “Meeting Ben saved him from poaching as was mentioned.  His family will spread tales of what they saw here to the other werewolves, and some of those tales will reach other therianthropes.  The potential results of such rumors are well beyond us without more information.  Since we haven’t bothered warning Ben, a werewolf, about the dangers of looking into magic he glimpses in the city, he might get into trouble eventually, but Portentia will probably be there before he gets injured.  Ben’s nice.  The Boss won’t let him be harmed.”  Crazy looked around, meeting everyone’s eyes.  “Messy was instructed to leave the bunker behind, so the Boss might be planning a Star Wars day without us.”  She quickly held up her hands to forestall comments.  “I know, he might be planning on including us too, but the adults didn’t join in yesterday.  There’s a fair chance that he didn’t include them because he is letting them have a day of exciting mayhem.  Furthermore, our camping trip isn’t near over.  We’re missing waaay too many pieces for too much conjecture, though I have some fun ideas I can share!”

 I quickly interrupted that Crazy train before it really took off.  “Maybe a few, in a bit.” I told her, feeling a little curious.  Crazy’s wild ideas could be quite amusing when they weren’t mind-blowing or utterly ridiculous.  “I honestly didn’t consider Father’s plans for the bunker at all yet.  You made some very good points.” I admitted, never wanting to deny Crazy her due.  “Don’t you occasionally feel frustrated, knowing that there are bigger plans in motion with us as mere pawns in the game?”

 “Nope.” she immediately stated, much to my surprise.  “If the Boss isn’t giving me a lecture, I am doing just fine.”

 That… actually made sense.  Still, I wanted to do better than fine.  Momma Emma was probably perfectly happy as long as her daughter didn’t destroy anything, but my parents had high standards.  I frowned again as a thought occurred to me.  I quite nearly let myself ask aloud what Momma Mila’s standards were like, but that question could garner an exceptionally convoluted answer.  Momma Mila was a pandimensional A.I. working across countless worlds.  Even Crazy couldn’t actually hope to accomplish more than a miniscule fraction of what Momma Mila did in a day.  I dropped down to sit again.  What did Momma Mila expect from her daughter?

 Maybe I was too fixated on Father’s accomplishments.  I knew Auntie Aaliyah and Momma MIla played enormous roles in my father’s company.  He had told me before that he couldn’t have accomplished nearly as much in his life without them, but had I really acknowledged the fact that even my parents needed help in their endeavors?  Those thoughts led me to wondering if this line of thought was part of Father’s plan.  Maybe Crazy was right, and I worried too much.

[bluexiao]

Reader who wrote fanfics of them before they met and how they would react😳 dckz

fanfiction writer!reader w/ dckz

THEMES. modern idol au; crack; fluff

NOTES. kinda wanna do this with my babies (anemo boys) as well, any thoughts?

DILUC 

Would be quite surprised that someone like you is a fan of his–positively (for you). 

Of course, he wouldn’t be showing such a reaction right in front of you. He’ll actually try to control it, probably turn to face his head in another way as an attempt to hide–which turns out to be a failure, but nonetheless, you speak nothing about it. 

But it’s not really that hard to spot the scarlet hue on his cheeks, a shade similar to those of his hair, however, it was also quite hard to figure it out at first, especially with how silent he had been right after you reveal it to him. 

“I… see…” he clears his throat–was he unable to speak? Or unable to think what to say? Either way, it held the same result.

“I’m sorry… it must have made you uncomfortable… what am I even thinking to say such awkward things to you.” 

He notices the way you retreat your form from his and it sends a trickle on his fingers, urging him to reach out and before he knew it, his fingers were wrapped gently on your wrist. 

“No, I am not… it did not make me uncomfortable… well, it did came off as a surprise but, I don’t think I can ever be uncomfortable when it’s you.” 

He’d most likely create an account and follow yours–if you have one–just to support you–he doesn’t read fanfictions at all but maybe… he’ll make an exception for you. 

He’ll just be reading those that were his though, he’ll pretend the others do not exist–no kidding. 

CHILDE

Is actually quite surprised but tries to hide it by briefly brushing it off, especially in front of others. Though, if it was only the two of you, he’d still divert the topic to something else as he tries to compose himself deep down and comes up with a suave response. But in reality, he’s actually very flustered. 

Of course, he’d try to act tough, how unbecoming of him if he is known to be caught off guard by just something you had said. He has a high pride, you see–well, that everyone can. 

“Oh? Really? That’s… quite interesting…” Despite his efforts, however, you could easily tell just by the side forced grin he emitted and how it didn’t even reach his eyes. 

Clearly, “You must be uncomfortable, I’m sorry… I just wanted to tell you this since… you showed me interest and-” 

Now, CHILDE may have been caught off guard, but at the very least, he wasn’t really that bothered. And he’ll be damned if you begin to think like that and decide to give up on him because he ain’t giving up on you. 

“Shh, hey, hey,” he leans in and lifts your chin gently, urging you to meet his eyes and instinctively, you do, only to avert your gaze away, “come on, look at me, babe, I’m not uncomfortable or anything.” 

You met his eyes and weakly says, “Really?” 

At this point, he had already forgotten what just happened with just that simple look from your face–ah, how can you be this cute? How can he even resist this level of– 

He clears his throat and looks away. Maybe he’ll just forget the fact that you said you also write for the others. You two can just… discuss that… next time. 

KAEYA

Not something he expected, but is not that very much surprised. But still. 

Nonetheless, he would be even more curious. 

“Is that so? Then, what do you write about me?” he leans forward to you, arms crossed and a smirk plastered on his face. Amusing, he’d think. After all, he had never truly had the chance to meet someone like you, in a good way, nonetheless.  

“Come on, share a thing or two. Actually, what made you write fanfictions for me? I see, so I’m your… bias, then?” 

“Actually… uh… I write bias for all of you.” 

“All of us?”

“Yes.” 

Now if that is the case, he’ll find the situation quite peculiar, but understandable, nonetheless. He wouldn’t have expected himself that he’d be in a relationship with a fan, to which he’d think that you wouldn’t have expected the same–to an idol like him. So yes, understandable. 

Doesn’t mean he’ll just let you fall in love with the others though. 

Also follows your blog–if you have one–and stalks all of your works–especially those hat were his. 

Oh get ready to be teased even more the next day or whenever you post something of his. If you post for the others, he’ll tease you “Why am I not included? Come on, babe, you know how I love your writing”--liar, he just want to be loved, that’s all. And just the thought of you writing for him makes his heart flutter like a freaking butterfly. 

ZHONGLI 

Thinks that being his fan was the least of his expectations from you, but you… 

“You continue to surprise me, dear.” 

“Is this surprise… uncomfortable? I mean, I understand if you’ll-” 

Before you could go on a tangent about breaking it off–at least, that’s where he thinks your words would lead to, he reaches for your hand and takes it with his own, raising it to place a kiss on its back, effectively shutting you up, flustered over the sudden actions of the idol. 

“You did nothing of the sort, my dear,” he says, his voice soothing your worries in an instant, just as how he would whenever you hear him singing, “Say, just as you’ve listened to stories of the past, how about you tell me of the stories you’ve written? You’ve intrigued me with you confession and I do believe I have a lot of time to listen to you, just as you do to me.” 

Would actually listen if you tell the stories to him! Or make him read it. Actually, he’d like it even more if your loveable voice would be reading it for him as he rests on your lap or you lean on to his chest, him admiring you either way. 

Even if you wrote for anyone else from the other members, he doesn’t particularly mind, but of course, he is pleased with the fact that you have more stories for him–and it shows with how he requests for you to read most of his as he silently listens until the end of the each tale. 

He’d be quite of a skeptic though, like if you got his or the other members’ personality wrong or if he thinks they’d react differently, he would openly say them to you, but not in a rude manner, no, no. I mean, you cannot even rule him as rude because this man is very eloquent and respectful with every word he says. He’s merely doing this to help you in your characterization skills! Who knows, you might get a hit on your next writing! 

And he’s probably the type to create an account and follow your blog–if you have one–and have his notifications on. Such a supportive boyfriend, we love it. 

Reblogs and comments are very appreciated~

TAGLIST (fill the form to be added/removed) 

@catcze @softlybeloved @icecappa @sushiyay @scaraslover @beastielevi @rviden @thesatanofpizza @izayanna @stellumi @coco-goat-milk @nonniechan @m3gitsune @chuubear @kiyoobi @catisnerd @ventislatte @weakestpoint @pinkfeiry @aweebstuff @zhongchi14 @windwheel-aster @irethepotato @squiddaloo @scaramunch @cruxdou @favonius-captain @aqualesha @kazuhas-alphabet @astreankitsune @lordbugs @itsghostgirlyo @his-simp @meumorio @tkooooop @fiona782 @my-goldfish-is-not-gold @lisalanding @ezra0000 @extrakuli @kazu-topia @rayskyee @b1loop @kanattac @basicsofdying @windwheel-aster @serenenation @hadesgift @kazewhara @lilikags @solaaresque @yuremini @chichikoi @mooonluv @cloudysky0 @lunaeire @corlapisminer @hahakoharu @myrenbworks @brazilian-anon @k-a-z-u-h-a  @kaeyaheart @irethepotato @disa-ster @hoshikistarlette @astrothighology @sinhasfluffyheadfur @nejibot @myaaki @kaedelove @nejibot @sarahyumiko2 @kaerui-kaisen @loyal-to-my-dilf  @yaexure @random-names-stuff @yumekos-gamble @nejibot @emperatris-rinaka @starforecasts @dai-tsukki-desu @xiaogens @stygianoir @the-midnightskies @apricot-shark @genshinparty @katsumikumo @deathkat657 @bl6o6dy @aikochan4859 @q1ngx1n @scaramouchesfootstool @jaynahh @afchicken @theother-victoria @ynxalynx @ksjjkthpjm @nleedingwhiteroses222 @momoewn @mave-in @akinokisetsu @animexotaku @elianalovesu @dolfay @klawsblr @yuipersonalblog @yeonatingz @observation-subject-753 @yuuki4646 @shaneruarumonte-blog @vortxx @1one1person1 @koalaray @noragami-ghost @d-a-r-k-s-w-a-n @duskimoo @maya1-5-0 @csukcsuk @bleedingwhiteroses222 @jiminscarmex @ngwhiteroses222 @apric-t @kiolet-exe @kitsunekanojo @sherlyss @serenity_ren_bliss @yuki1s--note @sunniewrites @fiannee @magica-ren @kissventii @yur1x-1 @psycho-nightrose@monicahar @0Annoying_gemini0 @yeonwoomyheartbelongstoyou @justerica @kazuzux @yukiipc @kltira @vvworlds

[michelle-is-writing]

Suffer in Silence, Dick Grayson

Word Count: 1.1k~

I never thought Dick could complain so much. Ever since his father asked us to attend one of his many dinners, he’s been gearing himself up for this night, but not in a positive way. Instead, his hatred for the event grew every day as it got closer, and finally, tonight is the night. Despite how good he looks in his black suit and maroon button-up, he’s nitpicking every little stitch and seam.

Looking at him in the reflection of the mirror in front of him, I watch him pinch and prod at his clothes with several sighs, but after giving that up due to not receiving a reaction from me, he moves onto his tie. However, this doesn’t go well, so I’m left to stand up and walk over to the grumbling man to fix it for him.

“Dick, would you stop complaining already,” I tease him, untying the knot he made before attempting to re-tie it. “How do you expect us to have a good time if you're being negative, huh?” I ask him, receiving an almost guilty look before he stares up at the ceiling. He knows he’s being a literal dick right now, but he’s still stuck on the fact his dad ‘required’ his presence tonight.

Finished with his tie, I pat his chest and smile up at him. “Please just try to enjoy tonight. You never know what might happen,” I tell him, his eyes remaining on the ceiling. Looking down at his tie, I let out a small laugh. “That was pretty easy to tie, you know.”

“It was too slippery,” Dick quickly defends himself, making me chuckle once more. He wasn’t complaining about the silk material earlier when I first put on my dress made from the very same material. I think that was the only moment he wasn’t complaining about something because he was too distracted by his hands on my hips.

“I don’t even want to be here, babe,” he states the obvious, rolling his eyes back to the ceiling. Dick never complains like this when it comes to spending time with his dad, but when it involves dressing up and being around snobby assholes, he’s relentless. Then again, I don’t blame him, but I want him to enjoy something from this at the least.

“I know, but please just try,” I ask him, tightening his tie just a bit more, so it doesn’t look crooked. At the same time, Dick rests his hands against my hips, his fingers gently rubbing themselves against the soft silk. “Your dad kept telling us how he was looking forward to us being here tonight, so play nice please.”

Dick smirks teasingly, lifting a hand to gently pull my lip down. “Honey, I can’t guarantee I’ll play nice when we get home after this,” he states, making the breath in my throat hitch. However, instead of giving in to him, I smirk back at him before moving forward and pressing my body against his with my arms locked around his neck. At the sudden closeness, Dick has the same reaction as me from moments ago, albeit a bit more reserved most likely due to years of being Nightwing and having to hide most, if not all, emotions.

Leaning my head against his shoulder, I drag my lips against his jawline before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, avoiding leaving a lipstick mark behind. “Is that a promise?” I ask him, smiling up at him before quickly walking away and over to the door of Dick’s old teenage bedroom. “I’m going to go help with greeting the guests downstairs.”

“Wait.” Dick almost demands, immediately heading over to me and holding me close like moments ago. “You’re just going to leave after that?” He asks, making me laugh a little. I didn’t think what I said would get Dick so fired up, but apparently, I stand corrected. He looks shocked, but at the same time, ready to pounce.

I hum a response to him before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Behave yourself, and I’ll be all yours once we get home,” I tell him with a teasing voice. Giving him one last smile, I separate from his hold and head out of the room, Bruce being quick to greet me and introduce me to everyone as his ‘daughter-in-law’. Of course, Dick and I aren’t married, but we are engaged; however, Bruce has always introduced me as this though. I think it’s more for Dick than it is for me.

After pretending to like everyone for a while and seeing the occasional glimpse of Dick throughout the sea of people, I find myself wandering down a hall alone as my eyes take in all of the expensive art pieces that adorn the banquet hall. Bruce told us how his this used to be covered in dust and grime from years of abandoning it, but after finally cleaning the room, he decided to hold a celebration dinner with all of the proceeds going to a children’s hospital. Of course, Dick loved the fact that the proceeds were going to a good cause, but as soon as Bruce told him the dress code, he hated the idea.

“Hello, beautiful,” I hear a very familiar voice behind me before a pair of strong arms pulls me close. Smiling, I relax back against the strong chest and look up at his dark hair covering his face above me. Leaning down to rest his chin on my collarbone, Dick holds me close for a few moments, simply swaying us before gently nibbling on the skin of my neck. Instantly, I jolt in his hold which then earns a laugh from him.

“What’s wrong?” He asks me quietly, causing me to smile in confusion at his antics. “I thought you said you were all mine if I behaved?” Dick states, looking over to face me.

A dumbfounded look takes over my face. “I said I would be all yours when we got home,” I correct him, only gaining another chuckle from him.

Tugging me closer to his body, I feel Dick’s current issue prod against me, causing my eyes to grow wide. I know I was the one teasing earlier, but right now, I can barely handle myself as he holds me, fully knowing what he’s doing. Dick is absolutely going to get me back for earlier. “You must’ve forgotten,” he states, “You promised my dad we were staying the night, so for tonight, this is home.”