#i was thinking doing screenshot commissions might be fun but we will see

[gaybravado]

Fake screenshots of the last session. It was a doozy.

Backgrounds are painted/blurred over photos from Pixabay.

[autumnslance]

Hello Autumn! I love your stories! You’ve inspired me to make my OC WoL to write about. The thing is I don’t know where to start? Any tips or advice you could give that could help me get started? Thank you so much!

whoop, meant to post this one earlier and got distracted! But hey; maintenance day.

I found prompt lists are a good place to start; there's all sorts of character ones out there, some for WoL and some generic ones. Even if your answers changes as you write the character, they're handy for noodling out some ideas to get started thinking about who they are and why.

Otherwise, take a look at MSQ itself. Maybe play through it, first time or in New Game+ and take some notes; how does the character feel about this, and why? Not you the player; what about your rough idea of the character's background and personality would make them react to X event or Y person? How? Why? Some will be influenced by your own knowledge of the meta and plot, but there's a lot we can glean by seeing the story as the character experiences those events.

And then we can write about it later.

We all put a bit of ourselves into our characters, we can't really help that; they are reflections of our thoughts and experiences, even when quite different from us. A "successful" OC, In My Opinion, is one that you start to realize would do or say things you never initially intended, but it's the right course of action for them.

I've spoken on this before, that trusting our own character creation, how we determine some things about the character at the outset, even subconsciously, can and will have an impact. And sometimes we just have to trust ourselves and see where that unexpected thread leads.

*stares down thousands of words, hundreds of screenshots, and a handful of art commissions, over 5 years for a ship she never meant to write to begin with*

And it's not set in stone! You might change something, find some things work better later after all, retcon a few things, follow a random thread only to find it doesn't work out...and that's OK. Don't be afraid to experiment. This is all for fun!

Also don't try to determine every detail at the beginning; it's a way to box yourself in, or an excuse to not get started in the first place. I knew on chargen that Aeryn's bio dad was a Coerthan farmer who died in a lead-up attack to Ferndale; I didn't know anything else, not even his name, for years, until a random idea from a random prompts got me. I sat on it for a while, and then eventually followed the thread into the Avengret storyline. We also didn't have Thavnair until EW, so I left a lot of things about Aeryn's family vague and purposefully off to the side of the "mainland Thavnair culture" to give myself some breathing room, and it's worked out decently.

The game's always updating, changing, and evolving; give yourself the same space the game writers do themselves, and determine if new info makes you want to retcon something or work your own lore in alongside updates; flexibility is key, and characters can be wrong, misinformed, lying, or altered by events and people they meet.

Anyway; these are a few things I work with. I think some of the earliest things in my blog you'll find for any of my characters are some short prompt responses before I started writing and posting stories involving them (and some of those answers have changed over time as I grew more certain of who they were--or they changed!). I have notes from ShB and EW MSQ--some just sentence fragments, some short scene or dialogue ideas--to get how Aeryn reacted to MSQ events and interacting with people. Most of them never end up in stories, but they're important as they let me noodle out how to write about those events.

Hope this helps! And here's to seeing your WoL join the fray. 😘

[starswallowingsea]

do my man (not you, the redhead)

jaspdfioamsdpfoasd okay

This might be all over the place but I'm just gonna rant about Rinne's character development and how other people see him mostly since I think that is the most interesting way to look at him.

Rinne, as we all know, puts up a facade in front of basically everyone. He's always laughing and scheming about something and makes it fairly obvious to everyone that he's all about causing trouble on purpose. He wants to destroy ES from the inside out, breaking the system that threatens to homogenize idols and take away what he loves about them.

(Cutting a lot of other screenshots due to image limit). The new system is limiting and that's something Rinne explicitly doesn't like. He wants to be loud and angry and be human. This, ultimately, is what motivates him through the entire main story.

Now, during this same time period we're also establishing the basic Bee dynamic. In the first interactions between HiMERU and Rinne we get some back and forth about what they should do and also find out that Rinne knows about Kaname. Maybe not more than the broad strokes (just that the HiMERU in his unit is not the original HiMERU and that the original is out of commission) but he knows there's something going on there. HiMERU does not like this and directly says that anyone who knows about his secret needs to be erased, but Rinne is too important as their leader to erase, so he'll have to leave him be for now.

Rinne is a nuisance to HiMERU but a necessary one. Crazy:B needs to survive in order for HiMERU to make a proper comeback as an idol, and eventually the plan would be to break away (which comes up again in Night Club, which is a whole other post, but Rinne eventually convinces him that being a solo idol would be a bad idea, potentially also thinking about how it would impact Kaname's legacy, though that's just speculation on my end)

Niki we know at this point sees Rinne as a nuisance as well, at least that's how he vocally expresses it. His conversation with Mayoi in Chapter 5 shows that he does know Rinne better than almost anyone and that Rinne is just putting up a front to keep other people away.

Kohaku's view of Rinne is a little harder to pin down right away. Kohaku fights back initially against Rinne's views on the ES idol system, saying he needs to go with it and put aside his arguments for the sake of survival before Rinne shoots that down with his monologue about not being crushed in the gears of the machine and becoming something he hates. Kohaku, of the three other Bees, seems to be the most open and willing to trust Rinne and follow him, likely because he doesn't have as much to lose.

Kohaku is the most willing to accept Rinne's vision of idols as well, willing to get his hands dirty alongside him because that's all he knows (he brings it up a lot in the joint conversations between Crazy:B and Alkaloid). Even if he would rather take the easy route and go with the system, there's no real fun in that. It would be like he never even left home if he just gave up without a fight.

[timstolejasonscorpseagain]

Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation?

More than a year ago at this point i commissioned an artist via Kofi. I didn't have a kofi account at the time, but we kept contact via instagram (I dont have instagram anymore).

It wasn't expensive or anything! Some coloured sketches that I was excited about for 15 bucks.

I commissioned them on the 4th of april 2022.

In their Kofi at the time it said if they didn't contact you via email or other ways that you should reach out and they would refund you if you wished it. So when I didn't hear anything I reached out on instagram and asked if it was because my commission got rejected, if it made them uncomfortable and/or if they'd be willing to work with me to find something else then that'd be awesome; I didn't feel the need to ask for a refund unless they felt uncomfortable.

They replied a day or so later and told me they werent uncomfortable with it and would go along, but had a lot of work so it might take a while. I reassured them that this was fine and to just ask if they had any questions, and wished them to have fun with their art.

Then a few months passed (we're in beginnings of june), i had heard nothing from them and so i asked for an update.

They didn't reply. I didn't want to pester them, so I waited a bit. I see them post all the time, and at the end of June they updated their commission info. I was concerned of what it meant regarding my order so i messaged them to ask. They didn't reply.

I saw them active all the time and so in august i decided to ask them, politely, if they were ignoring me and that if they didn't want to do the commission then to just give me a refund.

Im.. very non confrontational, i dont like arguing and im no good standing up for myself and i did feel bad cause i didnt know what their situation was. But they were the ones who decided they were mature enough to open commissions (theyre also an adult), offer a TOS, and failed to communicate with me the client. I dont think i can get a refund. Is jt possible to do a refund?

I dont want to make like a big callout post or anything, thats not my intention, i just feel kind of cheated.

Any advice would be great.

(Screenshot of the messages i had saved on my computer in case they wanted to block me or something)

[seelestia]

lmao i'm imagining zhongli just standing there scandalized like "did... did this child just nag me...?" slkjdflsd /j yep yeppp message me anytime!!

man reads an audiobook one time in our modern!au and it's gonna go viral cause everyone would be "puts you to sleep in 5 mins flat" and "wHO IS THIS GUY" lol hmm you know what maybe i haven't seen it. humor me... just what makes you like this specific gremlin detective boy and a certain devilish yashiro commissioner? 🤔

sldfjlsd the most frustrating thing is that i don't even know what i did wrong?? like if i at least knew that, i would be able to learn not to do it next time... but oh well. fingers crossed that my new blog will be safe 🤞🏻 and aaaaa ty ty <3 <3 <3

yeeee that's the plan!! it sounds very fun to play hehe i mean it might not be the most 'efficient' in terms of damage and such but whatever, i love my anemo boys & girls <3 and hyv seems to approve cause i did a single pull yesterday on standard banner and sucrose somehow came home??? geez look at all these anemo wielders lol

yeahhh time for farming n exploring again i guess! this is why genshin basically just. eats up all my free time sldkfjsldf

mona's stars don't favor me it seems lol yeah it's good that i got to try her out at least in the event!!

i feel like i keep hearing diluc wanters won't he diluc havers and it hits home for me slkdfjlskjdf ok so my brother has a c6 diluc which he benched (he builds all other characters except like, 4 of them, including diluc), not built at all, bc he says and i quote "i don't like his personality" - AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID WHEN HIS OUTFIT DROPPED??? HE STARTS BUILDING HIM!!! 🙄 personality my foot /lh

oh i am for sure going all out for hubby - i'm gonna try and set a limit on my spending this month just in case!!! money is earned to be spent right we shall see, comrade. we shall see...

you ate caramel pudding for lunch?? only that??? is that not... dessert?? little one, you need nutrients, go eat a full meal!! >:|

HELPDKWKRK i am basically hu tao 2.0 but more restrained, so rip to zhongli if we ever go on travels together <//3 (/lh)

ZHONGLI GOING VIRAL IN MODERN AU IS SUCH A CONCEPT. it's the 'most sleepiest voice ever' video all over again and said man doesn't even realize it until someone comes up to him to commission for a personal serenade fjickwkdk i can see it 🚶

( includes some low-quality screenshots of the promotional sumeru vid but it's just al-haitham under the cut !! )

i'm 100% ashamedly sure it's the intellectual attractiveness and their uniquely playful sense of humor — which makes me fearful of al-haitham (although from the leaks i saw, he seems like someone who is vv serious/frigid and doesn't prefer to waste time, but we'll see 👀). also, did you watch the sumeru promotional video??? because i got some low-quality screenshots, hehe. the man looks like he got a personal score to settle with cyno, help??? BUT ALL OF THEM LOOK SO GOOD THO !!

why does tumblr shadowban people without sending a single notice??? it would've been better if they give us reasons other than the suspicion that we might be a bot <//3 from what i heard, i think receiving spam-liking actually contributes to that suspicion??? but i'm not sure :( crossing my fingers for you and readying my fists in case tumblr wants a knuckle sandwich !!

yeahhh, it sure does sound like fun! and true true, there's no need to dictate everything as long as we're having fun !! after all, that's what games are for ;D pulls on the standard banner are another level of cursed because the pool of chara's and weapons are wider and more random there... but hey, another anemo girl came home !! hoyoverse is pushing you towards the agenda ksfjejdksk

perhaps, seeing c6 diluc on your brother's acc somehow magnifies the feeling of your diluclessness??? HELP??? no diluc? (/j) but he'll come home someday without a doubt since he has a chance of showing up on every banner you pull !! >:)

THE WAY YOUR BROTHER SWERVED HFEKDKSK. unlikable personality??? screw that, new skin drops and the red-haired emo bro is beautiful now. and i hope your hubby will come home to you, i shall root for you all the way !! realistic motto there, comrade but why am i laughing. (/lh)

i ate a full meal during dinner afterwards, so worry not~ the caramel pudding was good, albeit i couldn't eat much of it !! but thanks for the reminder, rin <3 make sure to eat full meals and take care too, alright??? ;( i would like to think that zhongli would console you into eating full meals if you don't. and i leave you with that brainrot for today fjekkdskks

[fatal-error-blog]

A Peaceful_Fundraiser has Occurred - An Effort to Fight Against Racial Injustice!

Hey everyone, this is going to be a long (but important) post. Given the title of this post, I’m sure you know what I’m about to mention. So before I get started I just want to say that it’s totally okay to not want to see this on your dash, coming from this blog specifically. While this is a really important issue that shouldn’t be shied away from, I do 1000% recognize that this blog has always been (very purposefully) kept as a fun and safe place for us all to enjoy a good story together. Heck, this blog is a safe place for me, too. I like knowing that I can come here and focus on content that makes me happy, and that makes you all happy, and just escape from how gross the world can be for a little while. But I also realize that I have the power to do some good, and I want to try to do some good, with your help, hopefully. I want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t want to see mention of what’s going on out there, here.

Any post I make on this blog that specifically references the racial injustice movement going on right now will be tagged with ‘FE BLM Fundraiser’. You are more than welcome to block that tag so you don’t have to see it here. It’s truly okay, I promise.

With that being said, let’s get into this!

I’ve never done anything like this before, so please bear with me! But like I said, I want to do some good with your help, hopefully. So I’ve made a charity fundraiser page where the proceeds will be going to the Black Lives Matter Global Network. If you’re not aware, there has been a lot of turbulence regarding racial injustice and police brutality going on all over the world, centered mostly in the United States. There are so many resources out there with information on what’s going on and different ways you can help (even without donating any money!) and I encourage you to do your research if it’s something you feel you need to be more enlightened on. I took a couple of days to think about how I wanted to help, and I thought that a fundraiser with awesome goals could be a really great thing! To be honest I’m not sure if we’ll reach many goals, but I think it’s worth a try, and no matter what, every little bit helps :) So here’s the deal:

A link to the donation page is here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/fatal-error-blog

This fundraiser will run through the month of June, all the way up until midnight, June 30th EST!

Anyone who donates at least $15 will be able to receive a free commission from me!

Commissions will be a colored character bust (so like, from the top of their head to just below their shoulders) of a character of your choosing (not necessarily just Undertale themed, and can also include original characters or characters in different fandoms). This is a bit cheaper than my normal commission rate, so it’s a great opportunity to get some cool art if you’ve always wanted some!

If you want to claim your free commission, you need to: 1) Contact me via tumblr (@xedramon or @fatal-error-blog) or via email (xedramon@gmail.com) saying you’d like your commission

2) Send me a screenshot of your (at least) $15 donation

3) Tell me the name of the character you want, and a reference picture I can use

*** You MUST contact me to get your commission. Pretty sure I’m not able to see how much people donate so I will have no way to reach out to you, so you have to reach out to me first! Commissions will get done as quickly as possible, and will be sent via however you contacted me (so either tumblr or email)

FUNDRAISER GOALS!

So along with the commissions, there are community goals we can all reach together! I feel like some of the higher goals are a bit daunting to reach, but if we reach them, good for us! Each goal has a fun reward attached to it that I think is worth the goal we’re trying to reach. $50 - Everyone here gets to vote on an Undertale AU to be featured in an upcoming chapter of A Fatal_Error has Occurred! It can be anything, from an AU that hasn’t appeared yet, to one that already has, to one that you think would be hilarious or cool to see, whatever! Only stipulation is that the creator of that AU has to give me permission to include it. If this goal is reached, I’ll make a list of the AUs people want to see in order of what was voted for, just in case the 1st place winner doesn’t give me permission, I’ll check with 2nd place, and so on.

$100 - I’ll host a Game Night Livestream! We’ll pick a date, and play some stream-friendly games (like Jackbox Party Pack!) for several hours! Perhaps we’ll even do two nights so that people can choose which night works better for them :)

$175 - I’ll host a 12 Hour Art Livestream! What’ll happen is that the stream session will be broken down into different segments (so maybe for a couple hours we do a request stream, and then we switch to working on something else, etc). People will have the opportunity to vote on the date we do the stream.

$250 - Everyone here gets to vote on which side comic I work on next! This means I’ll give everyone a couple of choices to pick from with a brief idea of what each side comic would be about. Everyone votes, and I’ll start on the winning side comic immediately. This is a great opportunity to basically demand that you get to see what you’re most excited about sooner rather than later!

$500 - This goal guarantees that Chapter Five of A Fatal_Error has Occurred will be completed by the end of THIS YEAR. Which is some seriously insane pacing, but hey if we reach this goal, a promise is a promise!

$750 - I will create a (hopefully awesome) Fatal_Error animation! I have a couple of ideas in mind, and perhaps I’ll let you all vote on what idea you’d like to see come to life the most. I am the most nervous about this goal, haha!

$1000 - I’ll host a 24 Hour Art Livestream!!! That means exactly what it sounds like! We’ll pick a date, I’ll take the most intense nap the world has ever known before we start, and then we’re gonna stream for 24 hours straight. I’ll set up a schedule so we do different things every few hours to keep it interesting. It’ll be so rad!

$2000 - Everyone here gets to vote on an Undertale themed tattoo (an honest to goodness permanent one) that I will, 100%, absolutely get! How this will work is that everyone will be able to suggest what I should get, I’ll pick a handful of the most popular ideas (that I’m cool with having on my body for the rest of forever) and you all will get to vote on what I get! This would, of course, occur once tattoo shops are allowed to open back up and it’s safe for me to go get one. But I promise you, I’ll do it and it’s gonna be AWESOME.

$3000 - Last but certainly not least, if this goal is reached then I will resume working on Sondertale again, alongside working on A Fatal_Error has Occurred. What’s Sondertale? Well, it’s another UT AU comic I started on before I ever began Fatal_Error’s comic. I ended up setting it aside so that I could focus on Fatal’s comic instead, and over time there has been some...surprisingly popular demand/request that I return to working on it. Originally I was going to consider what to do with it after Fatal’s comic is done, but if this rather large goal is reached then I will pick right back up where we left off and commit to finishing the comic, in it’s originally intended comic format. It’ll be a LOT of work (which is why getting a legitimate permanent tattoo is an easier goal to reach than this) but if we work together to donate this much, then it’ll be absolutely worth it.

And that’s it for the goals! I think that the higher goals will be plenty hard to reach, but if somehow we surpass the highest goal then uhh...I guess we’ll talk about what kind of goals you all might like to see after that, haha.

This fundraiser will run through the rest of June - so if you would like to donate and help contribute to seeing some of these goals realized, please do!

I will reblog this post on the following days: June 7th, June 14th, June 21st, and June 28th as a reminder, and also to update everyone on how the fundraiser is going. As goals are hit, I’ll also mention them on the blog so we can all share in the excitement of what’s to come!

Thank you so, so, so much for your consideration, your help, and your support. Please stay safe, stay hopeful, and stay determined.

Link to fundraiser page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/fatal-error-blog

[rainbowoftamaran]

Check out my rainbow of friends!

"So, yes, I made all these awesome friends, and I realized that I have a full rainbow! Obviously, that's really amazing and perfect and I just have to show it to anyone who cares!

Nisha - @chainxdancer - is just really cool! She's strong and can fight and she's... I forgot what exactly she is but she's not human and has a tail and horns and she doesn't mind sharing her money or food with me, and if things go as planned I might be able to join her on her adventures soon to earn my own money!

Moonshot - @warriorfortamaran - uh... look. I needed to fill the orange slot, and I do know him. He's a meanie though, typical tamaranean with a side of extra-grumpy. Best you avoid him.

Yuko - @rosecoloredmuses - was so very nice to me! Despite having quite clearly caught me attempting to steal from her, she offered me some of her candies, and oh are those great! Definitely worth our encounter! We didn't have that much time together, since she had to go soon enough, but, it was really cool to meet her and I do consider us friends after this - I mean, you don't give non-friends just free food, right? - and just, I love her sweets and am absolutely convinced that she's a great person to meet!

Sirise - @siriseen - and I met on some other planet. It was really nice to have company during that exploration, and she knows so much! She's also really good at medicine and these things, so like, definitely someone that I'm glad to know! Still not quite sure what that Starfleet is that she belongs to, but, yeah, it's been really fun with her and I do hope that we'll meet again!

Minato - @dxfiedfxte - actually is not dyeing his hair, as he told me! I never thought humans had such a variety in hair-color! It does seem to be a unique thing for him, too, so I probably thought right. It's very awesome to know someone else who has a rather unique hair-color of their species! He's also been really nice to me so far and it's fun to hang out with him!

Perrine - @flusenimkopf - has helped me before with giving that karrn'k Moonshot a bit of what he deserves, even before we got to know one another! She's also not human either, and I think she doesn't know all about where she's from just like how I don't! It's just really cool to hang out with her, and I'm glad we're having some things in common! I'm also very happy to have someone that I can complain about Moonshot to and do stuff to him together with, that's really something I needed.

So yeah, they are all really amazing and awesome to know, so I absolutely suggest that you consider enriching your life by knowing them, too!"

[[This all has been presented to you by Starlight, found on this blog, @rainbowoftamaran . Below the cut you can find some OOC-stuff like credits and the likes.]]

Hello! If you do reach the cut, thank you for checking the OOC blabber behind the post, too! I've been working on this thing for a little bit now. I'm not entirely happy with it, but content enough to post it, as some sort of promo I guess. Please feel no obligation to reblog this, whether you are in this or not, I just had to do something "for Starlight" upon realizing she had the full rainbow together. (Obviously, not saying that friends are something to collect, or anything ridiculous like that, but I'm hopeful that no one of you will understand this wrongly!)

Moonshot is my own blog, as is Starlight, you can find a link to my mainblog and to my other blogs on each of these blogs' pages.

I sorta-copied the rainbow-waterfall-thingie from a copyrighted picture on some of these websites. I didn't use and just erase the watermark, I only took it as example and created my own thing based on it. I do hope that I don't need to credit for that, then - though during my search I found on these pages also pics with watermarks of others so they probably are in no place to call me out for using their pic as base.

In the next paragraph you find info of the pictures, and a little message to each mun in smaller in brackets behind the stuff.

Nisha's pic is taken from here, which was a commission as you can read in the post I linked. (-- I would've liked to not cut her body off quite as early, but these pics were the first I found on your blog outside of that one in your about and liked for this thing, and since they weren't going any further than this I had to cut it there! I do hope you like my choice of picture here and aren't disappointed or something that I didn't show more of Nisha!) Moonshot's pic is an edit, like the 2 other pictures I have of him, of a picture from Touda from Shounen Onmyouji. Yuko's pic is taken from an official picture, as far as I know, simply made transparent. (-- I do hope the picture is one that you like to see of her!) Sirise's pic is an edit of a screenshot showing Poison Ivy from that recent Harley Quinn show. (-- I gotta add that I was like so lucky that you actually mentioned a FC for Sirise of all your muses when I asked you that "random" question! I really wanted to include her but kinda didn't really want to add one actor among anime/cartoon/drawn characters, and when you then mentioned Ivy and I found a fitting appearance, I was so happy to have found a way to include her without mixing RL and animated characters! This thing here is also the reason I made this edit in the first place, but it was cool that I could kinda ask for your opinion on it beforehand through our talks xD) Minato's pic is, as far as I know, from an official source, and again just made transparent so it worked for my thing. (-- I really really tried to find the pic you're having as background in your theme, it looks pretty cool and I was intending to use that, but I couldn't locate it anywhere! So I kept searching, I first had a different pic chosen where he's like, very light blue all over - not in skin or the likes but I mean hair and suit - but that was a little too one-color for me in the end so I chose this one even though I prefer a bit more color! I do hope it's a 'normal' outfit of his and that you like my choice!) Perrine's pic is from here, which is art of the mun of the blog. I wish I could draw so well! (-- Your art is amazing and I'm glad you were alright with someone using it for a thing as long as you still are mentioned!)

Starlight's pic too is an edit, of an official art thingie of Rika Jougasaki from iDOLM@STER (I hope I wrote that right). And yes, she's supposed to be sitting on that cloud.

So, yes, I think this is all I have to say to it! I'm very glad that y'all are interacting with my little rainbow here (and perhaps my other blogs too), you're very awesome and it's an honor and delight to be your mutual and interaction-partner! Thank you!

[louiserandom]

Play Games with Me

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara | Rating: E

A/N: Commission for the amazing @rookie-d​💙💗 thank you so much! *hugs* 

Read on AO3 or continue under the cut :3 Ko-fi and fic commission info in the header!

Tobirama SenJERK has never had sex in his life, Madara types, as always brimming with spite when it comes to his least favorite person in town. Maybe on the planet.

Rereading the comment and satisfied that there aren’t any typos or any hint whatsoever at some kind of hidden affection (which isn’t there, never was and never will be, Madara reminds himself firmly), he hits ‘Comment.’

“Take that, you dumbass,” Madara mutters under his breath, and really, this could be classified as childish, were he not completely in the right to take vicious revenge upon the fucking asshole who dared refer to Madara as ‘so idiotic it’s pitifully adorable’ on his last stream. Hah! Like Tobirama isn’t the less intelligent one of the two of them; Madara has watched enough of his Uncharted 4 gameplay to note that Tobirama took twelve seconds longer than him to figure out arguably the most difficult puzzle in the game. And although Madara’s sub count doesn’t quite reflect his superior intellect compared to Senju’sーnot that he’s checked in a whileーit’s likely a testament to the viewers’ total lack of taste, if anything else.

(Two thousand, nine hundred and thirty four viewer’s, to be precise, according to this morning’s stats and minus the handful of Madara’s fake accounts that he created just in case to keep up with his chief competitor. Admittedly, it might be a tad annoying.)

A notification pipes up.

Hm, I wonder how you’d know that, MaddyGamerboy? Are you stalking me? I must admit, I’m flattered.

Madara sputters at the reply. At yet another butchering of his perfectly adequate nickname. The fucking nerve of the guyーand people fucking wonder why Madara hates his guts?

(Madara knows it doesn’t really help his case that he’s touched himself to fantasies of the younger Senju more times than he’d care to count, but hate-fucking a thing isn’t it? Hate-masturbation must be too, he supposes. Not the healthiest outlet for negative feelings, but it makes him feel good enough.)

(Heavenly, to be precise.)

I AM NOT, YOU SELF-OBSESSED DUMBASS, Madara types, simultaneously taking care of the half-a-dozen typos that appear of their own accord.

No.

Deep breath. Stop fingers from shaking. Think about something witty to say.

Pff, he writes, for lack of any better word to express his indignant huff, like I give a shit about you. You’re dumb.

It did sound much better in his head, but Madara has spent over a minute writing the comment already, and he doesn’t want to appear as if he’s thinking too hard on it.

He posts his answer, not dwelling too match on the number of likes on Tobirama’s comment far outnumbering the hundred Madara’s garnered. Again, Tobirama’s audience is clearly not the best judge of character.

“FUCK. YOU. SIDEWAYS, SENJU!” Madara shouts at the reply that follows, consisting only of the words:

Thanks for the sub btw.

“You fucking piece of shit,” Madara hisses. “Like eight fucking fake accounts do anything to boost your stats, I don’t even like all your videos from each one of them, you ass!”

I DID NOT SUB DONT BELIEVE HIM

I’m happy to have another loyal fan ;)

HE IS FUCKING LYEING!!!

With seemingly every single person in the comments raving about how it’s about time MadGamer69 and admitted he admires FlyingThunderGod’s skill, Madara has to consciously restrain himself from smashing his laptop against the wall.

“You can just tell him you like him, you know.”

Madara startles, almost stumbling to the floor when Hashirama returns with their drinks and quickly put-together snacks, always the one to rummage through Madara’s kitchen because Madara hardly cares what edible and inedible things existed there or what to do with themーthat’s Izuna’s job.

“I do not,” Madara snarls, as Hashirama flops next to him on the couch, “like that stupid clusterfuck you call a brother!”

“Madara!” Hashirama whines, with that ever-present pout on his face. “Be civil.”

“Yeah, when he returns the favor,” Madara glowers, grabbing a milkshake from Hashirama’s hand. “Did you forget that he fucking started it? Do I need to quote his “pitifully adorable how so much stupidity can fit in such a short man” again?” Madara can’t help flailing his arms a little, though far too conscious of this habit now since the Tobirama has started pointing it out. He makes up for it with what he hopes is a deadly enough glare. “Did no one in your family bother to teach him manners? Did you?”

Hashirama only sighs. “And did you forget,” he asks, “how before that you abused my invitation over to our place to hide his Golden Youtube Gamer Tablet?”

Madara groans. “It’s called a Gold Play Button. Idiot.”

“Now you’re insulting me,” Hashirama grumbles, “and who cares? The point is, you’d be upset too if he hid yours.”

“Youtubers care,” Madara says, “and also, that’s irrelevant, that was revenge for him making fun of my perfectly adequate gameplay.”

“To be fair, you were dying quite a lot in that playthrough...”

“He took twelve seconds longer to figure out that puzzle in the game!” Madara growls.

Hashirama rolls his eyes. “Well, of course, because that Yellow Flash guy was flirting and distracting him in the chat.”

Madara blanches. "That good-for-nothing pipsqueak was what?”

“See,” Hashirama drawls, “you are jealous. Why would you be jealous?”

“I-I’m not!”

“Madara, you are so far in denial, that as your best friend,” Hashirama says firmly, slapping a hand over Madara’s mouth before he can muster another protest, “I cannot stand by and watch you suffer. Anymore, that is, because this has reached a breaking point. So, please, for me, I am begging you, just try politely asking if maybe Tobirama would like to accompany you for coffee somewhere tomorrow? Maybe brunch? I mean, come on, I know you guys don’t hate each other anymore. Seriously, you guys seem like you enjoy arguments, and hey, who am I to judge how people express affection?”

“Affection?!” Madara shrieks, shoving Hashirama’s hand away.

“And please stop pretending you don’t have printed out screenshots of my brother’s videos hidden under your mattress because Izunaー”

“Is a fucking snooping rat!” Madara hisses.

Hashirama sighs. “If it helps you feel better, maybe Tobirama might possibly not feel extreme dislike towards you but actually the opposite,” he says, smiling nervously as Madara blanches.

Because... what?

He blinks, running Hashirama’s words through his mind again.

“And how would you know that?” he asks, suspicious. “I swear if you dared tell him anything about my possibly nonexistent feelingsー”

“Possibly?” Excitement starts bubbling in Hashirama’s eyes. “That’s progress!”

“Definitely nonexistent feelings, dammit!”

Hashirama, the asshole Madara calls best friend for some reason, giggles. “Don’t worry, I didn’t. I promise, stop glaring or I will start pouting,” he threatens, and Madara schools his expression back into a light scowl to avoid the infamous Senju pout.

Like a curse, memories of said pout curling Tobirama’s lips spring to mind, and Madara has to physically shake his head to banish those thoughts.

“Listen, the fact that we’re not as... aggressive as we used to be,” Madara says, “doesn’t mean we suddenly like each other.”

“Madara, you insist on coming along every time we hang out,” Hashirama points out.

“I like hanging out with you.”

“Yet every time we do,” Hashirama presses on, “you’re hyperfocused on bickering with Tobirama instead of talking about wholesome stuff with me. Did you even notice that I brought Mito with me the past few times and it was literally a double date?”

“Was not!” Madara shoves at Hashirama with his shoulder and stands up to pace, because there goes the tell-tale sweating of his hands, the fluttering in his chest and stomach and the memoriesーof him and Tobirama secretly filming the other on camera when they do stupid shit, their almost daily Best Playground Insult Contest that’s been memed half to death on Twitter, the one time they got separated from Hashirama and Izuna in Disneyland because they’d got caught in their arguments so much it devolved into discussing their favorite games and an actual conversation that had Madara’s insides tingling.

No.

No, no, no. If anything, they were just gradually becoming something not unlike friends. And Madara’s occasional fantasies behind closed doors were nothing but a means to a pleasant end.

Not. Feelings.

No matter how much he’s grown attached to the site of messy, white-gray hair that he knows is soft to the touch from all the times he’s tugged on it to irritate him. No matter how piercing Tobirama’s unique red eyes may look. No matter how objectively hot his recent workout routine video wasーand Madara knows he’d only watched it so many times because he wants to improve his own routine, right?

Right?

Madara groans. “Why are emotions so fucking confusing!” He slumps onto the floor and wraps his arms around his knees, hitting his head over and over again on his kneecaps because, “I don’t even know what I want from him, okay?”

There’s a brief silence before Hashirama joins him and keeps him from abusing his head further. “How about,” Hashirama suggests, rubbing a comforting hand on his back, “you just ask? Listen, he’s my brother. And you’re my best friend. You two fighting less and at least making an effort to get to know each other better?” Hashirama brings out the puppy dog eyes. “That would mean the world for me.”

Madara glances at him before looking away again, focusing on a random photo of the wall. One featuring Tobirama right after his university graduation with a wide smile on his face. Quite the adorable face, too, and the unprompted thought makes Madara want to descend into oblivion. Preferably forever.

“That’s difficult,” he says lamely.

“But not impossible,” Hashirama says, “and hey, it’s better than waiting for the Yellow Flash guy to actually make a move on Tobi and start occupying all of his time. He’s a really big fan.”

“Fuck Minato,” Madara scoffs, “the guy just showed up and is just shamelessly emulating Tobirama’s style. That’s dumb.”

“Dumber than you claim Tobi is?” Hashirama prompts.

Madara thinks about it. “You know what? Yes.”

“As I saidーprogress!”

Madara can never go through with his impulses to punch his well-meaning best friend, and so grabs the nearest pillow from the couch and smashes it into Hashirama’s face to shut him up.

Tobirama returns home only to find Hashirama and Madara standing by the front door, frowning as they watched something that sounded like a tsunami of some kind.

“Listen, it’s gotta be one of those black holes or something twisting that vortex. Look how stuff disappears right into it!” is his brother talking, and Tobirama is already heaving a frustrated sigh.

Please don’t tell me you think there’s a black hole on Earth.

“There’s no black holes on Earth, idiot! The nearest one is way off, like near Pluto or something,” Madara says.

Ah. Even better. Tobirama chuckles under his breath, crosses his arms and leans against the wall, observing the two idiots he knows and loves.

He mentally kicks himself.

Well, one of them, he loves. Of course he loves his brother.

The other is... complicated.

“And besides, that could just be the Loch Ness monster or a cthulhu or something. See how dark the water is?”

“Or maybe,” Tobirama says, making them both jump, “it’s a natural phenomenon that’s a tad too difficult for both your brain cells to comprehend? I’m happy to explain though.”

“I’m happy to see you fuck yourself,” Madara greets him his usual way, scowling despite the exceptionally conspicuous blush painting his cheeks.

The contrast never fails to make Tobirama’s heart beat faster. He hates himself for it.

“Mm, Madara,” Tobirama teases, “not in front of my brother.”

As expected, Madara starts spluttering, and Tobirama is left wondering again how he avoids making a total fool of himself in each and every one of his videos. It seems Madara saves most of his flailing for the comment section.

“You,” Madara snarls, pointing Tobirama’s way, “are an asshole, Senju, but spending time with the better part of society might do you some good. So see you at brunch tomorrow and do not be late.”

And with that, Madara gives Hashirama a cursory wave and stalks off, leaving Tobirama frozen on the spot.

Did Madara just?..

Tobirama blinks, swallowing heavily as he feels his throat running dry and his heart rate pick up.

No fucking way.

He must have imagined it. Through his stupor of trying to figure out what the hell just took place, Tobirama vaguely registers Hashirama’s facepalm.

“Sorry for that,” Tobirama hears his brother speak through the rush in his ears. “He meant, uh, will you please join him for brunch? Tomorrow at 11 am, Eggspectation?”

Tobirama blinks harder.

“I,” he starts, “I don’t... Did you blackmail Madara into asking me out?”

Hashirama looks scandalized. “What? No!”

“Did Madara just ask me out?”

“Well, yes, Tobi.” Hashirama chuckles nervously. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”

Tobirama glares. “The idiot’s wake up text to me today was literally a collection of trashy limerick poems about how much I suck. Sorry if I’m a little skeptical.”

“You,” Hashirama says, wincing as a long-suffering expression settles on his face, “you guys send wake up texts to each other?”

A moment of awkward silence hangs in the air.

“Sometimes,” Tobirama says, defensive, although the damage is already done.

“And you’re still not going out? Tobirama, you do realize he’s in love with you, right?”

“Don’t say things like that, Anija!” Tobirama snaps, hoping the dim lighting in the corridor conceals the blush he can feel heating up his cheeks. Fuck. Now he’s turning Madara. “Yet, I mean.”

“I’ll save the celebrations until after your date then!” Hashirama sing-songs like the idiot he is.

Tobirama resigns to his fate. “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’ll thank me for this.”

“If it goes well,” Tobirama glowers though it’s ineffective, really, against his brother’s bubbling positivity, and the sheer awe still coursing through him from Madara asking him out on a fucking date is actually enough to make Tobirama want to hug him. He refrains. "Now, thanks, Anija, but I have work things to attend to.”

“Sure! Just don’t forget, 11ー”

“Eleven eggs and uh, no expectations, got it.”

“Wait, Tobi, noー”

With no time to waste, naturally, Tobirama bolts into their apartment and straight to his room to choose an appropriate outfit. And to mentally prepare himself for something he’s almost given up hoping for.

Tobirama cannotーwill notーmess this up.

Tobirama makes sure to arrive about ten minutes early. Not because he’s worried or nervous, of course; maybe just a little, but mostly just to get his bearings beforeーfinallyーa date with Madara goddamn Uchiha.

Madara, who’s been Tobirama’s stupid crush since high school, and just as in love with gaming as he is, only that didn’t turn out to be such a great bonding point between them, as Tobirama had hopedーbefore he actually got to know his Anija’s best friend.

Madara, who seemed to dislike Tobirama at first sight and only grew to hate him more over the years as they both found more joy in arguing than they did in talking.

Madara, who, despite this, blushes every rare time Tobirama genuinely smiles at him or drops a suggestive joke, who has an arguably unhealthy obsession with Tobirama’s ass which he always ogles when he thinks no one is looking.

Madara, whose plastered ass Tobirama had to drag home the other week, amid drunken speeches about capitalist injustice, some wacky conspiracy behind the disappearance of the dodo bird and... something quite interesting.

 “Listen, Senju,” Madara was slurring against Tobirama’s shoulder, as the latter cursed every single nonexistent god that Hashirama had chosen that fucking day to go on a road trip with Mito, Toka and Izuna, leaving Tobirama in charge of this walking trash fire of a man. “Listen. Tobira... Tobi. Tobirama. You’re so hot.”

The words almost made Tobirama stumble.

“What, Uchiha?”

“And cute... So pretty, too, I wish you could see that...” Madara went on babbling. “I think you do. But still. Wish you could see me like I do. I mean see you. Like I do...”

“Tobira, you’re just, you’re unfair...”

“I hate you and I like you then I love you and I hate you again, why you’reー” A hiccup. “How do you exist...”

“I just want to hold hands and just... walk and talk and be together and...”

Tobirama watched in ever mounting confusion as Madara leaned completely into him, humming as he hugged Tobirama tightly and said,

“Is that too fucking much to ask...”

Tobirama stood, shell-shocked, with Madara whispering impossible nonsense in his arms, wondering if he was in a dream.

 The next day saw Madara returning to his usual self insulting Tobirama at every goddamn opportunity, which left Tobirama... confused.

Confused, and conflicted, and sleepless for the rest of the night, thoughts held captive by the utter idiot whose ultimate goal seems to be to ruin Tobirama’s life.

It’s maddening.

Of course, he’d suspected that Madara’s flailing and constant blushing interspersed with screams and insults (the most creative ones, reserved only for Tobirama, it seemed) were signs of not so much dislike, as the complete opposite. Of course, Tobirama had tried flirting with Madara, just bordering right there on the edge of suggestive, only for his advances to be seen as patronizing or condescending. And hearing Madara speak to him this way, in a drunken stupor no less, when he’d probably have no causeーor abilityーto lie is...

Maddening. Annoying. Exhilarating. A tantalizing opportunity. Maybe a glimmer of hope.

And of course, Tobirama told his brother; they never really had any secrets between them. And of fucking course Hashirama had a hand in convincing Madara to change his usual behavior, which is nice and all, but doesn’t help the nerves wracking through Tobirama’s body, nor the crippling fear that he’s going to somehow screw this up.

But no. Deep breath. Exhale. And remember Anija’s advice.

Tobirama takes the last turn before he’s faced with their meeting place, surprised to find Madara already there.

Even though he’s usually always late. Sitting inside by the window, looking out onto the street with a slight frown, Madara keeps worrying his bottom lip and, apparently, trying to break a spoon.

It paints an endearing picture. Tobirama sighs, feeling a smile tugging at his lips.

This man...

Tobirama comes in, approaching him slowly, allowing himself a few moments to watch Madara needlessly fix his wild mane of hair, appraise his reflection in the spoon, try out several fake-looking smiles before settling on a scowl and going back to his nervous tics again. With another sigh, Tobirama takes the few steps left to his date, repeating Hashirama’s advice over and over in his head.

Just be yourselfーand have fun!

Just a few minutes into their date, it becomes obvious that Madara didn’t get the same advice from Hashirama.

Or just didn’t get the advice, period.

With their orders made and beverages served, they’re left to wallow in a less than comfortable silence, broken only by Madara’s... uncharacteristic attempts at conversation.

“Are you enjoying the tea?” Madara asks Tobirama with all of the softness of a brick wall.

Tobirama isn’t used to the man being eloquent, much less polite, and he has yet to have at least one conversation with Madara that doesn’t devolve into a pissing contest. So theoretically, Tobirama should be enjoying this.

But it only seems wrong. Annoying. Not them.

He tries to recall if, maybe, their first meeting was an adequate exchange? Tobirama thinks to the day Hashirama first introduced them. Only flashes of spilled milkshakes and jibes at intelligence run through his mind, and of course that was the very first time he’d called Madara an idiot pipsqueak, receiving quite the lame ‘stuck-up dandelion’ in turn.

Unsurprising.

“Yes,” Tobirama says, taking another sip as he eyes Madara struggling on the other side of the table. Struggling to do what is the question: either sit straight, or assume a more relaxed posture, or reach towards his own drink, or avoid eye contact, even though he keeps glancing his way when he thinks Tobirama won’t notice. Tobirama does, every time, and that just makes the whole ordeal more awkward. “Nice weather,” Tobirama says, with about as much enthusiasm.

If Madara wants to play this stupid game, Tobirama will indulge. Just to see how long it takes for Madara to break and return to his blustering status quo.

“Yeah...” Madara clears his throat, eye twitching as he manages to hold Tobirama’s gaze for a commendable three seconds this time. “Hate the sun. I meanーI mean I love the sun. Ugh. It just, uh. Burns.”

It’s both saddening and funny to see Madara visibly deflate.

“Skin too sensitive, huh?” Tobirama starts small. “Just like your ego?”

Madara’s jaw clenches and his nervous look shifts into a glare before he looks away again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself down before he flashes an unnaturally cheery smile.

“Heh, nice,” Madara grits through his teeth, “nice joke, Senju.”

Tobirama raises his eyebrow as Madara flinches at his own words.

“I’m glad you appreciate my sense of humor,” Tobirama says, barely reining in a smirk.

“Sure! You’reーyou’re funny.”

“And?”

“And what?” Madara frowns, confused.

“And what else am I?” Tobirama demands, feigning thoughtfulness. “A recent assessment of yours was that I look and act like a self-obsessed dumbass, I think.”

“No-no,” Madara blurts out, looking much a cornered animal, “I think you... you are... you look not at all so terrible today?” he finishes with a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair.

Tobirama wants to scream from the agony.

No. This won’t do, otherwise he might as well leave.

“Can you just call me a stuck-up asshole like you always do or recite one of those horrible limerick disses?” he demands.

Madara actually yelps. “What? No! I mean, wait.” He narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“Because you’re acting weird.”

“We’re on a date, if you were too stupーpreoccupied to get my invitation, Senju,” Madara says, jaw still clenched as he doubtless refrains from swearing, “and I’m being civil!”

That’s the advice he must have gotten from Anija, Tobirama thinks.

What a tragedy.

“Madara,” Tobirama implores, leaning his eyebrows on the table and meeting Uchiha’s gaze, “have you considered thatーI prefer it when you aren’t?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, thank fuck!” Madara slams his hands on the table, heaving a massive sigh as Tobirama laughs in relief. “I was ready to fucking die, you piece of shit! How does your brother stay so fucking kind all the time, it’s fucking torture!”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “It’s a talent, naturally. Just like your talent at embarrassing yourself and mine at being awesome.”

“You’ve got it a little backwards, Senju,” Madara sneers, “but it’s excusable, given your level of intellect.”

“Twice as high as yours?” Tobirama parries.

“Twice as little.”

“That’s more like it,” Tobirama says, grinning despite himself, “I thought you were a decoy or something. You’ve told me to fuck off every single day since we first met and this was getting worrisome.”

Madara’s laugh is sudden, melodic, sending those irritating tingling sensations through Tobirama’s body. He makes an effort to appear outwardly calm.

“Maybe because you managed to piss me the fuck off every day that I’ve known you,” Madara scoffs, “but you’re all right sometimes. I guess.” He shrugs, feigning nonchalance even as he keeps nervously fixing and running his fingers through his hair.

A stupid, tantalizing habit. Tobirama imagines carding his own hands through the messy locks, tugging Madara’s head back toー

He forcefully aborts the thought process before he’s faced with a problem of the harder kind. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll try to strangle each other when we game together.”

“We’re playing today?” Madara asks.

Tobirama tilts his head to the side.

“You haven’t planned one gaming session after our date?”

“Um,” Madara says, blinking rapidly, “why should I be the one with the plan?”

“Because you’re the one who invited me,” Tobirama deadpans. And anyway, Madara is always the one to egg Tobirama on to gaming, which would usually only ever lead to semi-playful brawls and their fighting making Hashirama cry.

And without Anija there to assault them with his antics, Tobirama wonders what their play-fighting might lead to... and promptly shuts off those thoughts again. Control, dammit.

Madara opens his mouth, then closes it, sighs explosively and says, “All right, fair enough. But you’re the strategy pro here. And my thing is RPGs.” He smirks. “I can improvise.”

And Madara does, in fact, improvise, leading Tobirama on what he hopes is a satisfying daylong adventure. It’s strange, walking by themselves around Konoha without anyone else with them (not that they’ve taken to ignoring Hashirama and Mito anyway on their most recent group outings), free to talk about and do anything they want. Strange and perfect, the way Tobirama switches between poorly concealed bashfulness and his usual confidence, as their jokes and jibes at each other, every little prank they pull never fails to make them both laugh.

It’s perfect.

Just like Tobirama’s smile is, directed at him without any pretenses as they set off to explore the lush, gigantic forest surrounding the city, rumored to be home to mythical, many-tailed creatures. And that’s followed by their forays into an abandoned chemistry lab; the scares they get in the woods from intermittent growls coming from the shadows are nothing compared to the horror Madara feels when Tobirama insists on touching broken vials and experimental equipment, and going through doors with dilapidated ‘DANGER. CHEMICAL HAZARD’ signs.

“If we’re infected by some deadly and insidious poison,” Madara whispers as they explore the lab’s tunnels, “I’m going to fucking kill you before it does. Painfully.”

“It’s for science,” Tobirama says. “And trust me. We’re safe. I got a degree in this.”

“Youtube is practically your full-time job at this point. What the fuck else do you need?”

“The satisfaction of discovering something cool?”

“And deadly.”

"Unlikely.”

Madara groans, cursing his life, as well as his inability to say no to hisーapparentlyーnew boyfriend.

The boyfriend who’s just discovered another hidden pathway to a deeper level and has scurried off towards it like an excited five-year-old. Despite himself, despite his intent to keep complaining, Madara can’t hold back the grin tugging at his lips.

Still perfect.

Just like their lunch date which turns into a picnic by the Naka river, where Madara remembers meeting Hashirama way back when. Just like the first time Tobirama grasps his hand, fingers gently massaging it as he laughs at Madara stuttering to a stop from whatever rant he’d been on, heart in his throat and mind suddenly focused on whether his palms are too sweaty or not.

His mind goes blank. Eyes focus only on the man in front of him, whom he yearns to strangle just as often as he craves to tackle him onto any surface and ruin him completely. And it should feel wrong, it should be, only Madara hasn’t quite felt so right about anything in a long time, and with every minute they spend with their familiar bickering, just with a layer of something more behind it this time, it becomes harder and harder to deny how good being near Tobirama makes him feel. Happy. Complete.

Madara winces. Oh, gods. He’s waxing poetic now.

All worries about that fly out the window when Tobirama, without so much as a word of warning, leans in and draws Madara by his collar into a kiss.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t spring up to awaken alone in his bed like he always does, after dreams like these.

And, unsurprisingly, it turns out to be Madara’s best kiss to date.

Maybe he’s exaggerating, if just because he’s been craving this so damn much. Tobirama’s lips are hot, gentle, and welcoming against his, a curious tongue darting out to coax Madara’s lips open and deepen the kiss. The delightful drag of his tongue, his hands, rough and demanding on Madara’s chest, waist, thighsーit’s not long before he’s dizzy with it, barely holding back moans of pleasure for fear of sounding too desperate.

“Fuck,” Madara gasps as they pull away for breath, lips still touching as their eyes stay locked and he’s treated to Tobirama’s downright ravenous gaze. “That wasー”

Tobirama cuts him off with another kiss, then another, and it’s not long before they find themselves tangled in a mess of limbs and loose clothing. The hard ground presses against Madara’s back as Tobirama settles on top of him, ravaging Madara’s mouth with a passion that soon has his pants feeling too tight.

Fuck.

He groans, hips thrusting of their own accord and feeling Tobirama's own erection through the fabric.

Madara makes an immense effort to pull away, stifling a whine at the loss of contact.

“Bed,” he says, mortified at his own crudeness far too late after the word comes out. “Fuck, I meantー”

“Yes,” Tobirama growls, capturing Madara’s lips in another open-mouthed kiss before he hauls him up to start gathering their things. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours? Izuna,” Madara rasps, head too clouded to explain more in-depth, but Tobirama seems to understand.

“Anija shouldn’t be back for a while,” Tobirama says, a devastating grin on his face, “lots of time for us to play.”

Gods.

Madara scrambles to his feet fast enough to stumble, and for once, Tobirama has nothing to say about his clumsiness.

They all but crash through the front door, not even bothering to lock it as they rush through a cursory check to make sure Hashirama is out like he said he’d be.

“Fuck, thank the gods,” Tobirama sighs in relief before dragging Madara back into liplock.

Madara can’t hold back a moan this time, heat ratcheting up between them as he wraps his hands around Tobirama’s neck, pulling him closer as they stumble to the couch. Madara ends up straddling him just so that their cocks brush through too-rough clothing, kiss growing urgent and sloppy, as wandering hands touching every inch of uncovered skin.

Clothes fall away, leaving them both shirtless, and Madara needs a few moments to take in the miles of pale skin, so soft to the touch, toned muscles rippling as Tobirama squirms under him, gasps and groans escaping his lips in answer to every one of Madara’s touches. He leans in to mouth Tobirama’s neck, sucking bruising kisses onto the soft skin there pleasure flaring at the base of his stomach each time Tobirama moans and arches against him.

“You’re so sensitive,” Madara whispers, with a hint of incredulity. “That’s... fuck.”

“Yeah,” Tobirama rasps, eyes unfocused, “because... just get on with it.”

“If I knew this is what it took to finally get you to shut up,” Madara chuckles, “I would have tried this a long time ago.”

If he weren’t so sure Tobirama genuinely despised him. Butー

“I fucking wished you would!” Tobirama snaps, though the irritation rings hollow with the breathless tone.

Madara blinks in shock.

“You did?” Madara asks, moving lower to lap at Tobirama’s nipple, sucking the hardened nub into his mouth and eliciting another delicious whimper. “You thought about this? About my hands on you, touching you?”

“Yes!” The desperation in his tone only adds to Madara’s mounting confidence, one that he so rarely ever feels in Tobirama’s presence.

“My mouth on your cock,” he continues, heart hammering against his ribs as he trails kisses lower and lower, “would you like that? While I finger you, getting you ready to take me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Tobirama’s hips jerk, making them both moan at the friction.

“Off,” Madara grunts, tugging at Tobirama’s pants with one hand as the other works the belt off his own. They scramble, a bit awkwardly, until they’re both naked and sprawled on top of each other, and Madara all but drools at the sight of Tobirama’s cock, hard and straining, beads of precum already leaking from the tip.

Perfect.

It’s tempting to just let go but Madara decides to take his time. Strokes Tobirama’s sides and chest, fingers his nipples, kisses every inch of skin he can reach, sucking bruises and biting slightly. He marvels at every little keen and groan he wrings from Tobirama, relishing how needy he grows with each second, how he moans Madara’s name, curses him and urges Madara to touch him, sliding his dick against his and huffing when Madara doesn’t do anything about it, before finally devolving into pleading.

Just what Madara’s been waiting for.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama’s whines, a soft, desperate sound that makes Madara groan in turn.

“Please what?” he asks, knowing he’s being a tease and enjoying the hell out of it.

Tobirama musters a pretty non-intimidating glare. “Just... fuck.”

“Tell me.”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that what you want?” Madara raises an eyebrow, making sure to wet his lips, letting his tongue gently graze the head of Tobirama’s cock. “I can bottom. I don’t mind.”

“Fuck!” Tobirama squeezes his eyes shut, heavy breathing interspersed with desperate whines. “Just... suck me off. Please. Now.”

“That’s it, Tobirama,” Madara drags out the syllables of his name, a smirk tugging at his lips, “when you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?”

He wraps his lipsーfinallyーaround the head, licking at the salty fluid gathered there, ears ringing from the heady feel of Tobirama’s cock against his mouth, his hands tangling in Madara’s hair, the sounds slipping from Tobirama’s lips that are borderline fucking obscene. Madara takes a breath to brace himself and takes Tobirama a few inches deeper. His length is hot, stiff, and heavy in his mouth as Madara presses the flat of his tongue against the underside, sucking hard, wringing another delectable whimper. Tobirama’s thrusts up, cock hitting the back of his throat, and Madara chokes for a moment, his own dick jerking at the sensation.

“Madara,” Tobirama breathes, “Madara, gods, you feel amazing.”

The words send another rush of pleasure through him, and Madara takes himself in hand to release some of the unbearable tension, stroking himself slowly as he relaxes his throat and sinks down to take Tobirama to the base.

Tobirama’s moan is a sweet, drawn-out melody. One that Madara enjoys making louder and louder as he starts moving, setting a fast-paced rhythm, uncaring for how debauched he may look, drool leaking out of his mouth and coating Tobirama’s cock, throat constricting around it as he takes him deep, lets him stay there, tongue gliding along his shaft. Tobirama soon devolves into barely coherent pleading, until ‘please’, and ‘more’, and Madara’s name are the only words coming out of his mouth.

It’s intoxicating. Overwhelming, far too much. Madara gives up stroking himself, the pleasure ramping up far too quickly, too soon, though Tobirama isn’t doing much better. Madara draws his lips up along his length, lapping up more precum gathered at the head, even as Tobirama’s hips jerk again and the hand in Madara’s hair tightens, urging him back down.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama keens, “I need...”

Madara has a pretty good idea of what he needs. He swirls his tongue over the head, descending again until his nose is pressed against Tobirama’s stomach. Madara swallows around him once, twice, a third time before he feels Tobirama nudging at his shoulder in a warning he doesn’t pay heed to, starting to bob his head again, wrapping his fingers around the base of Tobirama’s cock, using both his mouth and hand to bring him to completion.

“Fuck, Madara, Iー”

Madara lets out a muffled groan once he feels cum spilling against his tongue, swallowing rapidly as Tobirama’s cock pulses, again and again, through an orgasm that has him writhing and and trembling underneath him, hands tightening in Madara’s hair enough to hurt with the kind of tantalizing pain that only adds to the pleasure.

“You feel so fucking good,” Tobirama pants, watching Madara through white lashes, eyes dark and hazy as another shudder runs through him, “fuckーI want...”

Madara releases him with a wet pop. “Want what, Tobirama?” he whispers, voice too hoarse for him to speak properly.

Tobirama grips his shoulders in lieu of an answer, directing Madara to turn around so his back is pressed against his chest.

Then Tobirama’s hand wraps around his cock andーoh.

Madara has pretty much forgotten about his own pleasure, too focused on not coming too soon and making sure Tobirama was enjoying himself.

“My turn,” Tobirama murmurs against his ear, tone still breathless but with a commanding edge to it now that makes Madara shiver, “and lemmeーlet me hear you, Madara.”

Gods. He groans just from the sound of Tobirama’s voice. The feel of his teeth nibbling at his earlobe, his hand setting a quick, harsh rhythm that builds up the pleasure to impossible degrees. Tobirama’s heated skin pressed against his back, his thighs, the fingers of his other hand carding through his hair with a gentleness that contrasts with his harshness before.

It’s too much.

“Go on, Madara.”

Tobirama’s fingers swiping at the precome gathering at the head of Madara’s cock, smearing it over his shaft. His voice, a muffled whisper coaxing Madara to let go, to come for him, to say Tobirama’s nameー

“Just like that, Madara,” Tobirama grunts, “louder for me, come on.”

Madara thrusts into his grip, all but fucking into Tobirama’s fist at this point, moans his name as the heat grows unbearable the closer he gets to release.

“To-bi-rama...” He comes with a broken groan slipping from his lips as cum spills all over his stomach and Tobirama’s hand, each pulse coming stronger than the last, leaving him dizzy and boneless in Tobirama’s arms for however long it takes for his orgasm to abate.

Feels like forever. Probably a lot less. Time does seem to slow down, though, both of them collapsing against each other onto the cushions, breathing raggedly and curling into each other as Madara turns to bury his head in the crook of Tobirama’s neck.

It still seems unreal. Too perfect. So right.

They lie there for a minutes, coming down from the high, limbs tangled and lazy kisses exchanged here and there. Tobirama looks so peaceful, like Madara’s never seen him before: eyes half-lidded, hair messier than ever, sticking in every direction, skin still flushed and marked, all over, with hickeys and teeth marks, the mere sight of which has Madara’s dick stirring in interest, recent orgasm or no.

“You know,” Madara says, hands running over Tobirama’s chest, barely grazing his still sensitive nipples and making him shiver, “if this is the game you want to play, I’m really not against binging it. The rest of the dayーweekend, if you want.” Madara presses a kiss to Tobirama’s neck. “Make the playthrough as thorough as possible.” To his collarbone. “Unlock all achievements and, uh,” Madara trails his hand along Tobirama’s chest to his groin, past his length and to his ass, "explore every location.”

“If that was some thinly veiled euphemism,” Tobirama says, barely holding in laughter, “for you wanting to fuck me sideways...” Madara holds Tobirama’s gaze as his fingers hover just over Tobirama’s hole. “Then Madara, for fuck’s sake, stop trying to be subtle and get to work.”

Madara barks out a laugh.

“Whatever you say, Tobirama.”

Madara dips his voice low and deep, like he’s noticed Tobirama loves, and relishes the whimper it earns him. Relishes the way Tobirama arches against him, looking for friction, how delectable he looks, ready and responsive, so eager for Madara’s touch.

He knows then and there that if it’s up to him, Madara will do anything to make this last.

[1soos]

Wasting Time: Part Deux

type: slice of life, best friends to lovers, eventual smut

pairing: namjoon x reader

warnings/things to look for: there’s a moment where something homophobic could happen, but doesn’t. drug and alcohol use, cursing, eventual sex, movie and music references,   other than that this is some real soft 

length: 5.3k

summary: Namjoon is your best friend and that comes with a lot of perks and privileges.

a/n: it’s been the hottest minute, but here’s part 2. I do not have it in me to angst this up. Read part one here if you wanna.

Namjoon was gone when you woke up; the spare blanket he’d used in the night folded thoughtfully over the back of the couch. He’d cleared away the chicken containers and the beer bottles and moved the weed to the middle of the coffee table. His delicate care and thoughtfulness sits heavy in your chest, making you feel weird and wishing like hell that it didn’t.

You scoop your piece off the table and take a hit while you make your coffee. You don’t work at the boutique until noon and you aren’t scheduled for the park today, so you decide on a chill morning scrolling through memes on insta. You get stuck on a Raimi Spiderman thread, scrolling endlessly through screenshots of The Goth Dance Moment (^TM) when Lisa throws open the apartment door, the long strap of her purse getting caught on the handle. “I have been fucking for the past 7 hours. I need coffee.”

“Nice,” you say, genuinely impressed and point to the percolator.

Lisa throws her miniscule ‘going out’ purse (really the length of the handle is not proportionate to the actual size of the bag and the ridiculousness of it amuses you) to the floor and whispers, “bless,” as she downs half a cup in one go. She tops herself off and lowers herself gently into the chair across from you.

You sit in silence, every once in a while, turning your phone in her direction when you come across particularly relevant Baby Yoda memes. The moment is broken when Lisa groans dramatically and asks you if she’s on the schedule at the boutique like she’s suddenly remembering that she works there.

You tell her to pull up the spreadsheet that your boss sends to you a week in advance (truly the most organized woman you know) and Lisa tells you, “no.”

Instead of having it turn into A Thing, you open the schedule on your phone. You scan quickly for Lisa’s name color coded in bright blue. “You go in at 5,” you tell her. Kind of disappointed, but not surprised that Sunmi scheduled you in different time slots. Something about not having two crackhead, meme lords in one shift.

“Ugh, fuck. Okay, so I’m going to be dead until at least 4:45. Do not attempt to revive me or I will kill you.”

“That’s a lot of negative death imagery you’re using there.”

“I said what I said."

And like that, she disappears into her room and you’re left overthinking every tiny noise you make until you leave the apartment.

 …

 One of the things you love about working at the boutique is trying on the clothes. You do a dramatic turn in front of the tri-fold mirror and strike a pose while the extremely see-through, sparkly, tulle skirt shifts around you.

Your co-worker, Bambam, stands behind you, switching between gassing you up and, “wow that skirt does nothing for you. Take it off; I’m gonna try it on.”

“Rude.” You work the elastic of the waistband down over your hips, careful to avoid taking your leggings off with it, and throw the skirt at his head. The fabric muffling the curses he shoots your way. The bell above the shop door chimes, announcing the presence of a potential customer so you leave Bambam to figure his own way out of the mess of tulle.

You put on your best ‘I work in retail and get paid on commission’ smile. “Good afternoon! Welcome to Siren’s! Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you find.” The woman smiles good naturedly back at you and says she’s just looking. She already has some shopping bags loaded up her arms, so you’re feeling pretty good about a sale and place yourself equidistant between her and the cash register while eyeing Bambam over in the corner still struggling with the skirt.

The bell goes off again, to your surprise as there is hardly ever more than one person in at a time.

“Joon?” His presence shocks you and for a moment, you forget about last night. The smile that jumps out is too real; genuine joy filling you up and spilling out. He looks slightly stunned himself.

“What are you up to?” he asks, and you look around at the over-priced clothes all around you and then back to him a little confused.

“Working?”

He blushes and your chest hurts. “Ah, I mean, do you have plans for lunch? Um, I think we need to talk.”

Your stomach feels like its going to fall out of your ass and your thoughts spin around and take off like Road Runner.

Beep beep, bitch.

He wants to tell you how weird last night was. There is this horrible feeling that persists; that he knows how you feel and now he’s uncomfortable. He’s probably going to tell you that he doesn’t see you That Way and that you should just continue being friends. Which is fine; you can take that and so could your friendship. Besides, you haven’t really had the time to examine your feelings for him past the fact that he’s your best friend whom you also might want to kiss right now (and constantly) because he’s being awkward and it’s unfortunately adorable. And that you’re scared, kind of. Whatever is going on between you feels major; like, life altering. You feel a duty to yourself and Namjoon to handle the situation with care, so yeah, you think that talking would probably be good.

You smile again at him, more weighted this time and softly say, “okay.”

Caught in your own feelings, you don’t notice Bambam gliding over to you both.

“Knew it would look better on me.” The fabric flutters beautifully around him though he stopped walking several moments before and you have to admit that it does give him the ethereal look that you were hoping to achieve. You nod, conceding the point.

You subtly try to will him away, but his eyes focus on Namjoon. You can see the moment that Bam recognizes him. Bam doesn’t really run in the same group as Namjoon, but there are a few mutual friends and enough shared drunken moments for him to say hi.

“Woah, Namjoon! What’s up, man? I haven’t seen you since Jackson’s.” Bam wiggles his eyes, dramatically suggestive, making you wonder exactly what happened at Jackson’s.

Namjoon’s eyes go wide and he responds quickly. “Nothing much. Just working. You?”

Bam shrugs and gestures around the boutique. Your eyes follow his hands and you notice that the customer is looking at the skirt that Bambam has on and you really do hope it’s because she wants to buy it. “Did I overhear that you’re going to take this one,”—he points at you and you give an annoyed ‘hey’— “to lunch?”

“Trying to anyway.”

“I forgot about Bam,”—“rude!”—"I don’t want to leave him to work alone.” Bambam once again looks around the almost empty store and then back with an incredulous look at you and a pitying one at Namjoon.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” the woman says, but doesn’t actually look very sorry at all. The way she’s eyeing Bambam looks like she’s about to say some shit about the skirt. Your eyes find Bam’s, but he looks ready to do battle. Your adrenaline kicks up a notch and you prepare to throw this expensive looking woman out on her ass if she tries to pull any bullshit. “I noticed you wearing this skirt.” You stop breathing and Bambam goes very still. You fist your hand into the back of his shirt to let him know you’re there, barely registering that Namjoon has placed his hand in the middle of your back in much the same manner. “And I just wanted to say, it looks so good on you! You have a really interesting look. Do you model?”

The collective anxiety that the three of you felt leeches away almost at once. You sag back against Namjoon and he rubs your back. Bambam lights up and tells the woman, “I’ve walked a few runways.” Liar. The most he’d done was a photo shoot for one of those coupon books that goes in the middle of the Sunday paper.

The woman smiles. “Well, if you’d like to walk a few more,” she trails off and hands Bam her card. He raises his eyebrows at the name written there. “Do you have some time right now to talk?”

“Yes!” You interject. “He does. He was just about to go on break.” The woman and Bambam look pleased and as they head out the door, Bam turns, eyes wide and sparkling, and mouths ‘thank you.’

The door chimes shut behind them and you sigh, leaning even further onto Namjoon for a moment, your body giving in to the comfort it wants before your brain reminds you that you shouldn’t be taking advantage. You step away from him and immediately feel colder.

You cough awkwardly and immediately cringe. “Sorry about lunch.”

He smiles down at you and tells you not to worry about it. “I’ve got a plan b. Be right back.”

He drags his hand down your arm as a parting gesture and you try really hard to suppress the shiver that the small act sends through you.

…

While Namjoon is gone, your only customers are two women. One model tall and the other almost a head shorter, holding hands and smiling at each other.

After giving your standard “Welcome to Siren’s” speech, they tell you that their looking for party clothes, you take them to the rack with sparkly dresses and tailored pants and ask them to let you know if they need anything before giving them space.

They go through the rack; the tall woman, seeming to have more fun looking at the clothes than the other who had her clothes picked out in under 5 minutes, balks at the price of a bright sequined number that she had been considering. The other woman places her hand at the small of her back. You can only just hear her ask in a low voice, “do you like it?”

The woman takes a long look at the dress, running her fingers across the sequins. After a moment of consideration, she nods, and the shorter woman takes the dress from her and puts it over her arm where the clothes she’s chosen for herself lay.

They come up to you at the counter and the short woman smiles at you, “just these, thank you.”

You ring up the clothes and give the total. The tall woman looks embarrassed while the other pays with a matte black credit card.

You hand over the bag and tell them to have a good rest of their day and to come back anytime; giving them a genuine smile that most patrons do not get from you.

As they exit, the taller woman says, “I’ll pay you back.”

The other shrugs and says, “okay,” and taps her finger to her pouted lips.

“That’s not what I meant,” she grouses, but the woman pouts harder and taps her lips again. There is an audible sigh and the tall woman leans down and presses a short, sweet kiss into the other’s lips.

They leave and the bell above the door doesn’t ring again until it’s Namjoon that’s coming through it. His dimples pop out as he drops the bag of food onto the counter. The smell hits you and you already know that he’s gone to the Indian restaurant down the street.

“Please tell me that there’s aloo gobi in here,” you say, even as you’re digging through the knotted bag and the excess of napkins that cover the takeout boxes. “Yes!” you exclaim when you open the top container and find the curry dish inside. There’s a brief moment where you wonder if it’s too hot outside to eat something so heavy, but you forget to care, placing your face directly into the Styrofoam container. “You really know me,” you intone dramatically through a comforting mouth full of potatoes and cauliflower.

He huffs, “yeah, I do,” through his own mouthful of what looks like vindaloo.

“What do I owe you?” and even as you ask, your mind supplies a pouty Namjoon asking cutely for a kiss and you flush, eyes almost watering with how much your body craves that contact.

He waves his hand that holds the fork around, brushing away your question, “I was the one who asked. You don’t owe me anything.”

Your brain must short circuit because the words that come out of your mouth cannot be stopped, “But what if I want to owe you something?”

“Are you really about to fight me over, like, eight dollars?”

You stare intently at your food, separating the cauliflower from the potatoes rather than answer.

“Hey,” he says, trying to get your attention. You look up and his eyebrows are scrunched, and lips pursed, an overall confused Namjoon. So fucking cute, lord help you. He looks like his brain is working overtime, but he keeps his mouth shut until he’s chosen what he wants to say. Completely the opposite of you and a quality of his that you usually admire, you really should take a page or two out of his book, but right now you’re on tender hooks waiting for what comes next.

He un-scrunches and looks at you, “What exactly do you want to owe me?”

“I don’t know,” you skirt.

“Hmm.” He stares at you like he’s trying to decipher your soul. It’s…intense.

He looks so serious; it’s intimidating and so much of you doesn’t want to give away your feelings even though you’ve already hyped yourself up to do just that. And no matter how much you want to shut down and deflect, you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest.

You set down your fork and swallow your food. “Okay, so please keep in mind that you’re my best friend in the entire world and you matter more to me than my own feelings.” He straightens up and opens his mouth to say something, but you put up your hand to stop him. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do this if I don’t get it all out in one go.” He nods tightly. “I guess I’ll start with the obvious,” you take a deep breath and looks down at your hands knotting and twisting together in a physical manifestation of your anxiety, “I like you. Not in a platonic way. I like you like I’ve had to stop myself from wanting to kiss you at least 3 times in the last hour. I like you like I want to hold your hand and tell you you’re cute when you’re being cute; like I want you to sleep in bed next to me and not on the couch when you stay over. I like you so much that I’ve been trying really hard not to notice it, but I think that last night changed something between us and I think that you noticed too and that’s why you wanted to have lunch with me today.

If that’s not the reason and you wanted to talk to me about something else and you don’t like me the way I like you, I will be really fucking embarrassed, but that’s okay. I can deal with my own feelings, okay?” You stop because you don’t think you can say anymore without accidentally making yourself cry.

“My turn?” he asks after a few moments of silence. You nod and brace yourself. “You said that you wanted to kiss me?” You nod again, daring to look up at him, wanting to see his face even if it might break you. He considers your confirmation. “Something did change last night. I think, that for me, it was the hope that you saw me as something more than a buddy to kick around with because I more than like you.” And then, it’s the way that he breathes out your name that makes a tear slip out and down your cheek. He says it with so much care that you can feel it.

Food forgotten, you move around the counter and into his space, wrapping your arms around his middle and squeezing tightly. “I more than like you,” you say with your face smushed into the warmth of his chest.

His hands come up to frame your face and guides you to look up at him. “When did you want to kiss me?” he asks, and you let out a wet laugh.

“Right now.” You tap your lips and pout and he laughs too, but he leans down and presses his lips to yours. Your eyes close after a moment; he’s too close for you to see properly anyway. It a sweet first kiss, mouths opening just a little, testing boundaries that have been in place for so long that it feels strange to be kissing him.

You’re kissing Namjoon.

You confessed and he likes you back and now you’re kissing and it’s weird, but nice and you feel like you’re going to explode you’re so happy.

You go up on your tiptoes to press more firmly into him and he presses his hands into the small of your back, helping you arch yourself closer. You can feel the difference between your bodies, the plush give of yours to the hard planes of his and all you can think is, “Does this mean I can see your tattoos?” you say against his mouth, words coming out slurred as your lips catch against his, and tug on his shirt so he gets your meaning.

“Baby,” he warns with a smile, and you close your eyes at the pet name, but it makes you remember that, while the store may be empty currently, you are still in public and actually on the clock. “You can look at whatever you like for as long as you like.”

You hide your face in his neck and wonder if he can feel your smile against his skin. You drop a kiss there, at his collar bone because now you can. “I’m really happy. You make me happy.”

He taps your shoulder to get you to look at him. He kisses you softly, barely anything at all and it makes you unsteady. “Always.” The implication of forever makes you want to fall apart in his arms; you want him to make you feel the weight of his forever which is kind of embarrassing. You note that Namjoon Kim makes you disgustingly sentimental.

“Shut up,” you mumble, face red.

“Cute.”

You smack his side until his grip loosens and you’re really looking at each other. “You need to go before I get in trouble.”

He pouts and it’s just so fucking adorable. It’s emotional terrorism is what it is. “Is this how it’s going to be?”

You take your pointer finger and push his lower lip in toward his teeth. “Yeah, I wasn’t allowed to kiss you before, so.”

He smiles and your finger hits his teeth before he grabs that hand and manipulates it into holding his. “You were always allowed; you just didn’t know it.”

You let out an undignified screech and he laughs. “You gotta go, for real.”

He concedes, but not without stealing another kiss. “I’ll see you tonight? I don’t want to wait until tomorrow. I think we still need to talk about some things.”

“Your place?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he agrees as he backs his way through the doors, eyes on you, smiling like an idiot, but you know you are too, the bell chiming as he exits.

…

Bam makes it back before the end of your shift, coming in with a big shit-eating grin on his face. He’s landed an actual modeling gig for an actual brand that you’ve actually heard of and you couldn’t be happier for him.

You part ways at the end of your shift, trading the guard with Lisa and Chung-ha. Lisa slips you some fresh Star Wars prequel memes and you drop that there’s some Indian food up for grabs in the communal fridge.

You don’t say anything about Namjoon. The knowledge your talk brought this afternoon sits so warm and comfortable in your chest you feel like you’re glowing, and you need to keep that cheesy ass sentimental shit to yourself. You can’t stop yourself from wondering about the reactions from your friend group, though. You would think that they’d mostly be positive considering how many times you’d been asked if the two of you were secretly dating.

Damn. Hindsight really is 20/20.

Heading over to his place is different than usual; your stomach full of nervous butterflies. Which is gross and wonderful at the same time. The fact that you could get used to kissing him and being with him the way you want to is so absurd and fantastic that just the thought of being next to him carries you all the way to his apartment.

Even knocking on his door borders bizarre. He opens the door and seeing his face opens you up.

The amount of smiling both of you have done today is obscene—it really is destroying your Bad Bitch persona— but you can’t stop your mouth from turning up, cheeks pushing your eyes almost closed. The good news is Namjoon looks just about the same as he ushers you into the same apartment you’ve visited a million times before.

Once you stop smiling, the anxiety that follows you into new situations starts to pool out from your stomach. You clench your hands together and squeeze, knowing what you want to do with them, but not sure if you should.

“Hi,” he says, stirring the quiet. He reaches his hand out to you, fingers spread in invitation. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and link your fingers with his. It feels weird, but good to squeeze his hand instead of your own.

He leads you over to the couch. He sits first and then you, making sure that there’s a respectable amount of space between you.

Both of you are facing forward, only chancing glances at each other every so often. The awkward silence between you stretches until you can’t take it anymore; feeling like it’s your fault, or rather your duty, to fill the silence.

“So,” you say and trail off. A strong start. “You said we should talk, and I think that’s a good idea.”

He nods but doesn’t add anything.

“It’s kind of strange, right? We’re transitioning from one thing that we’ve been for a really long time, into another, so it’s weird?” He uses his other hand to play with your intwined fingers while you speak, and it distracts you from your nerves. “It feels like it’s happening really fast and like I got so comfortable with the idea of us being more than best friends so quickly and that’s the weird part?” You kind of hate that everything is coming out like a question. You want to say things with certainty, but, fuck, if it wasn’t difficult.

“I think it would help me to know what you’re thinking about all of this,” you finish.

Your hands jostle between you as he shifts his body to look at you. His eyes like magnets, pulling you to mirror his posture; leg tucked under you and fully facing each other.

“It’s weird, but I like it.” It’s your turn to nod, communicating that you feel the same and want him to continue. “I think it’s something that I’ve spent more time thinking about than you. I was fine with how things were, but I’d hoped that we could be more for a while.”

You held his gaze for as long as you could before staring down at both of your hands. Yours almost completely dwarfed by his; long, inked, and beautiful. You think about yesterday, when you were high and tracing his tattoos and how you had no idea that less than 24 hours later you would be holding his hand without needing an excuse.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He asks as you bring his hand up to your lips.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t- “you stop because you were going to say that you didn’t know he felt this way, but you’re not sure if that’s true and that just makes you feel worse. You start again. “I’m sorry that I didn’t do anything about it. I’m not sure that I didn’t know that you had feelings, you know? And I’m even more sorry that I ignored the way I feel about you for so long. And I’m scared, but I can’t ignore this,” you shake your tangled hands between you. “I’m sorry you had to wait for me.”

He kisses the corner of your mouth quickly, smiling as he draws back. “I have to apologize for doing the same thing then. I didn’t know your feelings for sure and we’ve always been really close, so it was hard. I had to convince myself that every touch and smile and moment that we got too close was just how we were as friends. But I’m not sure that I didn’t know that you had feelings, either. I think we’re both afraid of the same thing. That things will change; that we’ll be different with each other and we won’t work.

I can’t say that won’t happen because nothing is certain, but I know you and I know us. I think we’ll be okay.”

“God, I really like you.”

Namjoon laughs happily and somehow over the next few moments manhandles you onto his lap. Your arms come naturally around his shoulders just as his go around your waist.

The kiss that comes next feels more reckless than the mini make-out session in Siren’s. You know from the moment he teases your mouth open and slides his tongue in to taste you that you’re his. Every swipe of his tongue feels like a brand making you melt into him.

You break the searing kiss to scoot forward in his lap, pressing yourself against him hip to chest. You wiggle and wish that you could help the gasp that escapes you when you feel him. He’s not even fully hard and you already know that he’s going to be a lot for you to handle. The thought of him inside you, stretching you to your limit, filling you up like you deserve, makes you shy.

You tuck your face into the curve of his neck to hide your rising blush and the want in your eyes.

“Talk to me, baby. What’s going through that head of yours?” He asks, mouth pressed to the top of your head.

You groan and move your hips to try and make it clear what’s going through your head, so you don’t have to say it out loud. The feeling of your underwear moving uncomfortably against your slick folds sending another round of blood to your already heated cheeks. You’re so worked up already and it’s embarrassing. Which seems to be the fucking theme of your life right now. But his hands on your hips tighten, stopping all movement.

You whine and try to move, but his grip is strong. Flitting thoughts of him holding you down with the same strength in his tattooed arms are enough to make you try again for any friction.

And again, he stops you.

“Hey,” he whispers. “I need you to talk to me.”

You lean back and see the tension on his face, the softness that’s usually there, sharpened and dark. A look that you’re not familiar with. You’re struck by how fast this is going. How quickly you went from oblivious to this moment, dry humping your best friend (your boyfriend?).

You feel needy, the unbridled want coursing through you and the ocean in your panties is evidence enough of that but is it too soon to make this jump from platonic to…decidedly not platonic?

Namjoon waits in silence for you to speak. Always handling you with care.

You frame his face with your hands, rubbing the apples of his cheeks with your thumbs. “I’m scared that if we talk about what we’re about to do, we’ll realize that we’re going too fast.”

“Are we?” he asks with real concern, pushing you further down his hips, away from his heat.

“I don’t know,” you say, pouting. For fuck’s sake. You don’t want to have to dissect every move you two make. It doesn’t feel wrong, just weird. “I know that I want you, but if it’s too soon, I can wait until it’s not so odd.” And as much as you don’t want to, you know that you will because, “You’re worth waiting for, Joonie.”

He hugs you and it’s nice. It feels comfortable; not sexually charged, but beautiful. You can feel yourself calming down, the moment of intense need fading into something softer.

“I do want you. I’ve wanted you for a long time. I just- I feel like this is a big step and maybe we should think about it.”

You sigh and kiss him quickly twice before hoping off his lap. “Okay, do you want to watch a movie?”

He smiles and agrees easily.

You shift in your seat and remember the slick between your thighs. “Pick a movie while I change?”

“Sure. Any requests?”

“Not Leon,” he scoffs, and you feel the familiarity of your dynamic. You slip into his room and rifle through his drawers for a pair of sweatpants and band t-shirt before going to his bathroom to clean yourself up.

When you emerge, clean and comfy, the main menu for Howl’s Moving Castle is pulled up on the TV. Namjoon is lying across the couch on his side with enough space for you to be little spoon. You feel giddy at his choice of movie, your favorite, and his choice of position. Even though sex is not on the table tonight, you feel the thoughtful intimacy in his deliberateness.

“Hey baby,” he says when he notices you watching him. You marvel at how quickly he fell into calling you the pet name and how quickly you’ve taken to hearing it. Maybe you should pick one for him, too.

You press play and the subtitle button until you see brackets down at the bottom explaining that title music is playing. It’s how Joon likes to watch movies and you’ve watched enough movies with him at this point to prefer it as well.

He pats the empty space in front of him and you go, pushing yourself against him in a different way that still had your heart soaring. You put your head on his bicep and he cages you in, wrapping one arm around your shoulders and the other around your middle so there’s no danger of you falling off. You shove your legs back to tangle with his and settle in.

Neither one of you says anything until Namjoon says, “that’s my girl,” in synch with Howl and you shiver. You had never been quiet about your crush on Howl or about how hot you found those words.

You turn your head slightly and glare at him. “Are you trying to seduce me with the greatest movie of all time?”

He honest to god smirks and says, “I’ve always wanted to say it to you. And now you are my girl, so I’m not not going to say it.”

“Oh.” He watches you fidget and turn pink.

“Cute,” he says, kisses your burning cheek.

masterlist

a/n: Kim Namjoon cured my two year long writer’s block.

[universal-kitty]

.: Day 1 - F/O February :.

Reverse Self-Ship: You are your F/O’s F/O!!

I’m from a video game series akin to an odd mix of Watch_Dogs and Grand Theft Auto. Things can get a little pervy, hijacking cars is involved, stealth and adventure abound...but so is a bunch of ridiculous, silly things, like a petting minigame that triggers randomly when interacting with my cat.

There’s a single-player mode focused on my background and meeting up with past friends or exes...and is story-based, allowing you to attack and kill them, befriend them again... All sorts of stuff.

Also, the option to adopt more cats and become a crazy cat lady...in spirit.

Shit, romance people if you want! Live life!

Marcus got Wrench (Reggie) the game as a birthday gift. It was mostly a joke, because Reg REALLY thought he wouldn’t like it....and what else do best friends do but give their bffs prank gifts?

Still, Marcus bought it for him new... So Reg boots it up and gives it a chance, anyways.

......holy shit, he actually likes this WAY more than he first thought he would.

First of all, he HATES animals; every one he’s ever met seems to hate him and hurt him, so he’s turned his back on animalkind. However, throughout the game, I’m NOTHING but kind to every animal and suspicious of every person I meet.... Some of which he understands completely. There are some ASSHOLES in this game!!

Also, the way I croon to my cat and get into baby talk... It’s so damn cute to him. Really makes him feel some kinda way, which he flushes over. (Haha, wow that’s embarrassing.)

The point is, he ends up hating animals a little less and starts loving cats a LOT more.

Actually had to put down the controller and walk away from the game when doing a dancing minigame. He could barely focus on the button commands with how cute I was being while doing the dances.

Proceeds to look up people who 100% the dances just so he can save them to his phone. Watch them whenever he wants.

Later deletes them, 100%s them on his own, and THEN saves them onto his phone. Is a lot more happy with them, cause they’re HIS gameplay videos and not someone else’s.

LOVES messing around with outfits. Someone on the staff was either a big fan of cats or just...made that my most out-there personality trait (second only to the games and show in my world that are obviously knock-offs of real-world games), but he’s not complaining. Running around in cat ears and a cat tail? So damn cute.

His personal favorites are the masks I have combined with the matching jackets; it makes me feel more relatable to him...but he’s a greedy man and always eventually takes them off so he can look at my face.

Has SO MANY PICTURES on Facebook of him playing this damn game. Marcus kinda thought he was pranking at first, but now the whole squad knows Reg is a bit of an addict.

They got him the other games on Christmas and he cried. Everyone was....kinda in awe.

Josh got him a t-shirt with my character on it that reads “Bee Paw-sitive~!” on it. He wears it a LOT.

He definitely started up a collection that rivaled....basically no one else in the fandom.

HATES seeing the fandom pairings. And since you can romance anyone due to my sexuality canonly being Panromantic...it’s frustrating.

(Well, he’s Bi, so some of the people he wouldn’t mind sharing with, yeah....but he’s specifically venomous over the people he’s SURE are my friends only. Or are/were super toxic to me in my past. So, so bitter that anyone likes those ships, but holds his tongue only bc he got a figurine of me doing some cutesy pose next to his monitor. It helps him keep his head.)

Literally has a savings account reserved for merchandise. If it exists, he wants to buy it. If it doesn’t, but someone’s commissions are open? He’s gonna buy it.

Has bought art, jumped on art-trades/requests to get MORE art of us together. Has two plushies of me, as well as a body pillow. Continues to seek more things.

Is honestly upset that my size is medium (and so he can’t wear my canonly fitted clothes), BUT that doesn’t stop him from owning a single shirt in my size AND getting items that mimic my wardrobe.

He likes to imagine we can match together....or I can wear HIS version of my fave shirts when mine are dirty~!

Is still debating getting a kitten. Until that day, cat plushes are among the only other plushes he has (aside from mine).

Weird as he felt about it, he later admitted to his friends that he....kinda felt romantically towards me? And was thinking about just being fictoromantic...

Josh was the first one to see no problem with it and fast. People can be hard to work with, so... You do you. (Reg then felt bad about bullying him so much....oop.)

Horatio was also quickly on board. “Hey man, they make you happy. If it helps, it helps.”

Marcus....was a little more confused, but got in the spirit of it, regardless. “man, if I knew you would’ve actually liked it, I woulda got it for you a lot sooner!! Have fun, man.”

Sitara doesn’t quite get it, but.... It sure explains why Reg kept pestering her to tag “Purrfect Anarchy” in certain places and commissioning her for stylized art of him with them.

T-Bone....kinda harasses him about it, but the group stands by Reg. Josh is pretty upset about it, though.

He also follows every piece of news and publicly shares it, after admitting to being ficto. LOTS more pictures like, “Cutie’s got good taste.” [selfie with him sticking out his tongue and wearing one of the replica shirts] “Dinner date with bae!” [screenshot of me looking at the screen of his laptop, dinner and candlelight between us]

Everyone rolled with it more and more over time, so now it’s entirely not uncommon for them to bribe Reg to do things by dragging me into it...

Sitara: Hey, you leaving? Wrench: ...yeah, why? Sitara: Can you get me a coffee while you’re out? Wrench: Wh-? Why should I get you-? Sitara: I bet Rachel would like you doing something like that, y’know. Wrench: .....That’s cruel. You’re cruel. Sitara: I know~! You know how I like it, thank you, and Rachel loves you. Wrench: [sputters audibly and shuffles out the door, muttering to himself, embarrassed]

They don’t do a LOT of crimes anymore, but... Definitely still fuck shit up w/ cops. Reg daydreams a shitton about a masked romance and the anarchy we could commit together... After all, I helped him be braver. So he could help me, too, and then..... So much glorious chaos. Maybe makeouts in his car...

Was literally the type to not give a SHIT about marriage or kids, but now nonstop thinks about our lives together. Anarchy and domestic lifestyle shit can coexist, right? We can be married, have our cute lil’ two story (three, if you count the attic AND a basement), and some kids.....and also go create anarchy and throw bricks at cop cars and cause so much damn trouble..... Right?

He’ll even get a CAT for our home. It’ll be our first kid and not only will he be SO COOL, but they’ll name her (yes, a girl) Princess Leia and I’ll probably cry in happiness!!

Reg is DETERMINED to be the best husband/boyfriend ever. Doesn’t matter which, cause whatever speed I’d like to go at? Hell yeah, he’s down for it. Just as long as he can still hold my hand and gush over how cute I am and-

Has gushed about me and my series before and WILL do so again, prompted or not.

Actually participated in the fandom a little. Mostly does reblogs and such, but has written a few stories (self-inserts are the majority), done some not too shabby art, and prides himself on being the BIGGEST fan of the series with all the merch he has AND commissions bought.

Made a select few friends who also are fans, but... Is constantly anxious about his self-shipping. Either that they might eventually think he’s weird, send more anon hate (he’s gotten some in the past for “being a creep”), or- worst yet- also self-ship with me and he’s still dealing with that idea.

Until then, he’s got a wedding ring he bought cheap at the jewelry section of some store, so.... Coping skills, babey.

[arpwrites]

[Arpwrites] Tarot Commissions

© | Disclaimer! | Other Commissions | Masterlists | Tip Jar

If you’re seeing this, maybe its the universe saying it’s time you got a reading 🌝From Three Cats in a Trenchcoat to @Cupid Watch Out Sweaty, I’m sure there’s a spread for your needs 🌷

Commissions are currently OPEN!

The Process

Read my legal notices here, particularly the sections pertaining to tarot and commissions. You officially agree to these terms upon payment for my services.

Contact me via the Tumblr messaging system. If you’d like to keep your blog anonymous, contact me from a new sideblog. Mains are preferred though because it helps me get a better sense of your energy.

I will confirm the booking based on the requested reading and my status. Your written confirmation that you have read and are fully aware of my legal notices is required as well. 

Fill out the form I provide you. It’ll have questions that’ll help me connect to your energy. If that doesn’t work, we may have to try something else like chatting for a bit or maybe you can send me your instagram. We'll think of something.

Send in the payment on Ko-fi if I confirm I am able to connect to your energy and you are comfortable with the level of it.

You will get your reading within three days. I will privately post it to my blog and share the link with only you.

Feedback and/or reviews are much appreciated.

What Will the Reading Include?

Here’s a sample reading using Three Cats in a Trenchcoat. Basically:

Commission details like your username, reference number etc.

Screenshots of your confirmation that you have read my legal notices as well as receipt of payment

Any special questions you may have asked as part of the request.

An image of the spread. I will be using the Prisma Visions deck by @jamesreads​. It is gorgeous and I highly recommend it.

As much detail as I am able to glean from the cards.

An overall accuracy rating and notes.

A conversation to debrief about whether the reading resonated with you, any clarifications you might need, next steps, your satisfaction, and whether I can help you with anything else.

Why Me?

I'm truthful to a fault, a lot of times to my own detriment. I won’t hesitate to tell you if I feel like I’m making up things or if the accuracy feels low. I wouldn’t claim to have a gift for tarot if I didn’t mean it. You can trust me with your personal questions, I won’t judge.

I will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I won’t sugarcoat what my cards say but I also won’t leave you feeling hopeless or worse than before. Tarot is meant to raise people’s vibrations and do good, and that is exactly what I will help you with.

Here’s what other people have to say.

How Does Tarot Work?

Tarot cards are a system of ‘divination,’ i.e., inference, based on the yet unproven concept that everything in the universe has a vibrational signature and that these vibrations obey the universal law of like attracting like. ‘Everything’ extends beyond the physical dimension and includes thoughtforms and energetic complexes. Similar in principle to how horary astrology works, the idea is that the vibration of your question will attract right vibration of cards for that moment based on energies at the time. Free will exists and there are several possible perspectives and futures, so readings only hold true while factors are in stasis and depend on the ability of the reader to strengthen and tune into these energies.

Remember!

Tarot interpretation is personal, intuitive and nuanced. Don’t compare card draws from one reader to another because meanings of cards are subjectively assigned by the deck user. Do not research your tarot reader’s card draws on your own and infer your own meaning, it will likely lead you to wrong assumptions. Only do so if your tarot reader recommends it because what matters most is their meaning of the card. 

Do not use tarot as your sole decision making tool – it is advice, not fact. Tarot is not well suited for precise, close-ended questions. It works best when the intent is for one’s highest good, and the questions are open-ended and introspective in nature.

It is best to enquire about events that will occur soon since tarot readings pick up on current energies. It will be a waste to enquire about far off events since there are a multitude of factors at play and the reading will most likely be void by the time it happens.

Please Note

I cannot do readings about subjects in which I have no knowledge. So for example, I can’t do questions on financial investments because I have no idea how that system works so I can’t overlay it onto my cards to read them. 

I tend to ask for more detail about their situation while I read. This is because every card has thousands of meanings based on the context so I’ll need clarification to ensure I’m communicating the message correctly. Sometimes the extra detail doesn’t help. In that case, I’ll offer all possible interpretations and ask which one resonates best.

My deck spits out as many cards as it wants regardless of the actual spread. I don’t draw specific cards, I shuffle till cards fall out on their own. So, your reading will likely have more cards than advertised.

Offered Readings

These include but are not limited to the below mentioned spreads. Let me know if what you want isn’t on this list and I can make a custom reading for your needs in the same price range. 

Three Cats in a Trenchcoat for $3. As the name gives away, a minimum of 3 cards are drawn for a short insight or to gain an overview or get direction regarding a multitude of topics. Note that the relationship spreads work for platonic, familial, romantic, destined, and karmic bonds. 

General: Past | Present | Future

General: Current Situation | Obstacle | Advice

General: Situation | Action | Outcome

General: Beginning | Middle | End

General: Start | Growth | Decay

Self-discovery: Mind | Body | Spirit

Self-discovery: You | Current Path | Potential

Self-discovery: Life Purpose | What Qualities | Action

Self-discovery: Needs | Wants | Fears

Self-discovery: Past Self | Present Self | Future Self

Self-discovery: Lesson You Need | Why | Action

Past: What Worked | What Didn’t | Key Lessons

Healing: Cords to Cut | Heal your Heart | Nurture Yourself

Healing: Be Aware | Remember | Let Go

Future: Aspiration | Obstacle | Solution

Future: What Helps | What Hinders | Unrealized Potential

Relationship: Intentions | Trustworthy? | Advice

Relationship: Teach Me | Need from Me | Relationship

Relationship: You | The Other Person | Nature of Relationship

Relationship: Soulmate? | Need to Know | Will it Last?

Relationship: Your Wants | Their Wants | Where It’s Heading

Relationship: Strength | Weakness | Obstacle

Relationship: Pulls Together | Pushes Apart | Needs Attention

Relationship: Conflict | Areas of Agreement | Resolution

Relationship: Outer Conflict | Inner Conflict | Relationship

Relationship: Real Issue | Next Action | Ultimate Destination

Conflict: The Nature of a Problem | The Cause | The Solution

Conflict: False Issue | Real Issue | Your Role

Conflict: Why | What | Resolution

Decision-making: Strengths | Weaknesses | Advice

Decision-making: Opportunities | Challenges | Outcome

Decision-making: Yes Outcome | No Outcome | Maybe Outcome

Decision-making: Option 1 | Option 2 | Option 3

Decision-making: Solution 1 | Solution 2 | How to Choose

Decision-making: Best Case | Worst Case | Probable Outcome

Decision-making: Choice | Pros | Cons

Career: Hobby | Possible Career Development | First Step

Career: Opportunities | Distractions | Action

Career: Job Positives | Job Negatives | Change - to +

Career: Pros of Quitting | Cons | Advice

Career: New Career Suggestion | Advice | Outcome of Quitting

The Monster Inside for $6. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to identify the darkest aspect of your self, the area of your life it most affects, your inner demon, how you understand/accept/heal from it, what actions you can take to overcome it and grow, and the possible outcome.

Love Me, Love Me Not for $9. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to see how your crush feels about you, whether a relationship would work, how to attract them, how dating them would be, whether you should confess, and whether they’ll play a special role in your life.

Knock Knock. It’s the Universe, Asshole for $9. As many cards as required will be drawn to know what the universe thinks you need to know at this moment. What does it want to tell you? What advice does it have for you? 

I’m BTS’s XXX for $9. This reading is strictly for fun and entertainment purposes! As many cards as required will be drawn to see what kind of relationship you’d have which your chosen member of BTS and how you’d meet if your paths were to cross. 

Yoda on the Loose for $12. A minimum of 10 cards are drawn for general advice about yourself, your mind, body, spirit, friends and family, romance, hobbies, career, finances, and challenges.

It’s My Year, Bitches for $15. A minimum of 12 cards are drawn for your previous year in summary, what you’ve learned from the past year, what you aspire to in the next twelve months, what empowers you to reach it, what may stand in your way, relationships and emotions in the upcoming year, career and work and finances, health and well-being, spiritual energy and inner fulfillment, what you need to focus on for the year ahead, most important lesson in the upcoming year, and where you’re headed overall in the coming twelve months. Well suited for birthdays and New Year’s.

Know Thyself to Know the Universe for $21. A minimum of 15 cards are drawn to find out your best and worst qualities, what makes you attractive, your needs and wants, how you love and how you need to receive love, the type of partner that would best fit you, the key lesson you’re supposed to learn in this lifetime, and your purpose of existence.

@Cupid Watch Out Sweaty for $30. A minimum of 20 cards are drawn for an in-depth relationship spread about the true you in context of your role in the relationship, the true them, how they see you, how you see them, the past of the relationship if applicable, where it stands now, what lies in store for the future, what brings you together, what pulls you apart, your wants, their needs, challenges, how to love each other etc.

Let me know if you have any questions! I look forward to reading for you :^)

Sources: Several spreads are by Biddy Tarot, My Wandering Fool, Lunar Cafe, Self Tarot while others are my own. Do not steal my spreads, ask me for permission first.

Note: Do not use the copy from this post for personal or commercial purposes. Use it as a guideline to write your own with visible, explicit credit that has a working link back to this blog.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Kasumi’s PT Outfit Analysis

Tell me what do these two have in common?

If you said “Cat theme” you are correct! If not, well then buckle up my dudes cause this is gonna be fun~! :D (I also want to take the time to point out, while this isn’t want I’m talking about, I do like this fan artist’s perspective on her gloves :D)

I know what you’re thinking, and no I’m not smoking anything I don’t do that, but Kasumi really does have cat thief themed origins (and no not because of the fan art, didja click on it? it’s cute!). I realized it after realizing she was a gymnast and was like “Why? Why does she get a gymnast theme? How does this fit with the outlaw theme? Has there been a thief who had gymnast outfit?....wait....could it be.....omg it IS!” AND THE ANSWER IS YES! 4 thieves actually, 3 are sisters in one series, and 1 is an expy of those sisters by the same author in his other work. If you know who I’m talking about I’m talking about.....CAT’S EYE! (and Phantom Thief 305 from City Hunter, I dunno the meaning of the name tho)

Let’s start with Cat’s Eye (not a 100% expert in it, but I know more than City Hunter tbh). Cat’s Eye is about a trio of sisters (Hitomi the middle who is the main character, Rui the oldest sister, and Ai the youngest) stealing things using their multiple skill sets (such as gymnastics), partially because they want to contact their missing dad who is also a thief (and their attempts to contact him are through the calling cards and stealing the items in hopes he comes as well). And....that’s basically it I think (been awhile since I read the manga and I’m in the process of re-reading it now). Movie wise, it seems they are in the process of trying to rescue him (hard to find info, no eng subtitles for me to watch so efsljdfl;aj).

Anne and Kasumi are the biggest shout outs to Cat’s Eye than anyone else (tho you could argue Cat’s eye is probs the reason Makoto drives a Motorcycle and Futaba is an semi-orange themed tech genius, and Haru who is “Noir” tho I don’t feel like looking up who came first, her or the Cat’s Eye Pachinko machine cause it’s not important). Anne’s outfit is more a shout-out to the Cat’s Eye Movie version while Kasumi’s is more a shout-out to the original manga/anime. Let’s focus on the Cat’s Eye movie for a second tho.

This isn’t the first time Cat’s Eye movie was used as inspiration for Persona. Back in P2 Tamaki Uchida dressed as Ai (the youngest sister of Cat’s Eye, but is the lead role in the movie), as the actress she is based off of (Yuki Uchida) played Ai in the movie.

Anne, however, seems to be based on Hitomi outfit with some Rui flare to it (they differ slightly)

(btw the movie opens up with an anime sequence before going full live action, Hitomi Left, Rui Right I think for both pics, Ai is in the middle for the bottom pic, and recolored Anne for better comparison and also because I can 8U)

I know what you are thinking, “But what about Catwoman????” I think she’s still related to Cat’s Eye tho. Catwoman came first in creation, and Catwoman was the first to use the leather outfits (tbh, mask wise, Tamaki’s mask/ears seem to draw from the Catwoman 60s tv show outfit), and it seems she/Batman were the inspiration for the movie costumes. Also considering how Persona likes to use Batman, I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the cat theme stuff was also Batman/Catwoman related as well as Cat’s Eye. So there’s still a connection to Catwoman esp with the movie! 

Another possible connection to the movie is Anne’s name, specifically “Anne,” as the person who went by the stage name “Anri/杏里” (I mean Anne is just the  杏 kanji but still) who sings the theme song “Cat’s Eye 2000″ for the movie. Fun fact.

Now let’s look at the manga/anime, where it’s Kasumi’s time to shine (tho Anne will come back up).

As you can see they’ve been redesigned a few times (btw Hitomi’s colors in the first vol of Cat’s eye is actually blue with an orange ribbon, it was changed to yellow later it seems, also the top right is a spinoff manga of Cat’s Eye called Cat’s Eye: Ai where Ai is the MC)

As you can see, the girl who is mostly in the blue is Hitomi, and she has a tendency to wear a chocker with her leotard. Kinda like.......Kasumi! 

Recolored with blue to highlight the comparison (also because I NEED COLOR IN HER DESIGN ATLUS LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH DX) 

Fun fact, Hitomi I believe is a gymnast and she utilizes her skills as a thief (and thus where we get the gymnast as a thief outlaw theme and why it only works for Kasumi/gymnasts and not runners like Ryuji). 

But Kasumi also has similarities between her and Ai, both have red in their theme, both I think are first years. Also, while Ai isn’t as strong or skilled as her older sisters in fighting, she is the most agile (which we don’t know if Kasumi is in the same boat but it’s worth noting just in case). Another thing about Ai, is her connection to Tamaki up above, Tamaki who is based off the actress who played Ai was in the fencing club (which Yuki Uchida was also a fencer), and what weapon does Kasumi wield? A one handed sword similar to other fencers in Persona (like Mitsuru), so woot we’ve come full circle on that! (also if Kasumi is Hamuko reincarnated, or Hamuko’s younger sister, it should be noted that one of Hamuko’s theme colors is orange along with pink and red so fklsdjfsajf; bonus points if that comes true!)

Kasumi’s mask is also probably based on the Cat’s Eye calling card (or at least it follows a similar pattern):

Same point pattern, same eye shape and design (it’d also explain why it’s so thick, cause the emblem is thick looking too 8U)

So I mentioned we’d come back to Anne, and here we are! There is one last thing that is similar to Anne and the Kisugi sisters, and it’s that they are all hafus! The sisters are all half german, and Hitomi looks just like her western grandmother if Hitomi had blonde hair, and later dyes her hair blonde for her thieving:

Also *cough* a pink/red outfit I wonder who that reminds us of? 8U

Now onto City Hunter, which....I think is the biggest evidence that Kasumi was based off these people. And it’s this girl:

The girl with the glasses is the same one as the girl in the same girl in the green leotard (the one in the red isn’t a thief, but was wearing one to match the other girl while they stole a flower). 

This is the first episode this girl shows up (only one I’ve seen too tbh), she’s actually 17/a 2nd year iirc.... And guess what her name is? Kasumi Aso. Kasumi is spelled the same way too (aka only in hirigana)! From my research she only steals what is commissioned of her (I think she steals back what is stolen from other people). She has connection to flowers like Kasumi Yoshizawa (Aso is connected to the [black] tulip, Yoshizawa has flowers on her belt). Both are pretty unassuming in their civilian outfits too tbh. (tho slightly off topic, fun fact, there was a Japanese hafu rhythmic gymnast named Kasumi, I’ve been wanting to post about that for awhile but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s who IRL Yoshizawa was based off of)

Sadly I don’t know much else about Aso, I need to read more of City Hunter to find out (even tho she’s not a super main character), and tbh this is where I kinda end with the Kasumi/Anne and Cat’s Eye/PT 305/Catwoman analysis. But I’ll use this time to talk about a few misc stuff and maybe a few theories related to cat themed thief ladies:

P5 probably got the “Thief who works at a cafe during the day (and the Cafe name also is a reference to their thieving as well as possibly housing a cat)” from Cat’s Eye and City hunter (which take place in Tokyo/Shinjuku, tho in different locations), as the Kisugi Sisters work at their cafe called “Cat’s Eye,” and Aso being their expy, also works at a cafe by the same name (tho it’s run by different people cause it’s in a different/parallel universe). 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Tamaki’s tendency to house a Nekomata in her workplace to be similar to the kitty (Tiger I think it’s name is) that Ai has at the cafe (esp considering, again, Yuki Uchida played Ai). 

According to the Japanese fan wiki of Cat’s Eye, in the sequel “Cat’s Eye: Ai,” the Cafe is moved to a new location, which is Kichijoji, which is the new area that has been unlocked in P5R (maybe a certain cafe will be available for us to wander into? :0 Or maybe Kasumi works at a cafe XP or maybe is connected to the billiards place, tho that DARTSLIVE3 screenshot seems to have a “cafe” poster in the background so maaaaaaaybe that’s a cafe XP)

Part of me wonders if Mitsuru’s Arena outfit is related more to Black Cat, due to the signature “white fur” both characters wear. 

Kasumi Y’s hairstyle (aka if her hair was down, so basically we are going off her bangs) is similar to Hitomi (at least the Pachinko machine ver)

Anne’s circle zipper designs might be more of a shout-out to Marvel’s Black Cat, not that Catwoman hasn’t had that as well, but I don’t feel like figuring out who did the circle zipper first 8U 

Satomi Tadashi dressed up as Zorro and was romantically involved with Takami. Anne who is a Cat’s Eye expy is crushed on by Mona (who wields Zorro). And Kasumi, another Cat’s Eye expy, looks like a Hamuko Expy, while Mona’s human form looks like a Minato Expy. 

Kasumi has a similar black mask with silver line design (not the mask shape itself, the line design) as a woman named “Noir”(?) who appears in the Cat’s Eye Pachinko Machine (yes I did come across interesting things, no I don’t know what her deal is or really who she is tbh cause I think she’s a pachinko original 8U ;w;)

So yeah just gonna kinda end it here awkwardly. FYI this doesn’t mean you HAVE to like her outfit (you have every right to dislike or like it tbh), it’s just a history lesson, and explaining how it fits the outlaw/PT theme, where’s Ryuji’s track or Haru’s ballet doesn’t.

Oh! Edit cause I forgot, if you push her mask up over head, it might look like cat’s ears, just a theory tho (of course it might look like devil horns but so does Anne’s so fklsjdfk;aj;faj;f take this for what you will):

[ladysaraholt]

Request for Aid

Hello, mutuals, followers, and my various RP families. Sara’s mun here.

The past several weeks have been incredibly emotional, so if you guys aren’t interested, I’ll add in a break for those who would prefer to scroll past. For those that stay, even a reblog to help share this would be incredibly appreciated...

A few weeks ago, my mother called me to inform me that my grandfather had a heart attack, and that he was staying at the hospital because of built-up fluid in his lungs. Over the course of 48 hours, the doctors ran a myriad selection of tests, which led them to discover that he has End Stage Metastatic cancer in his lungs. After finding it there, they ran more tests to see if it was elsewhere. It was confirmed positive in his lymph nodes, adrenal glands, and bones, with a test pending to confirm whether it was also in his brain. They gave him approximately 6 months to live.

A few days later, my mother called me again, anxious and in tears because he was being so combative with the doctors that his heart rhythm was highly erratic, and exacerbating the fluid that kept building up in his lungs. At this point in time, they were also still waiting on the brain tests for confirmation of cancer presence. Everyone was sitting on pins and needles, hoping he would cooperate long enough to get his first round of chemo-therapy (which the doctors told them would ONLY be for quality of life improvement, not for added longevity).

Three days later, another phone call from my mom in hysterics saying that he had gone home the night before only to take a turn for the worst and get rushed back to the hospital. The particulars were not given to me (though the cancer had been confirmed to also be in parts of his brain), but it was bad enough that she put my dad on a plane from where they live in GA to MI where his parents live.

He ended up staying with my grandparents for six days. By the time he went back home, grandpa was stable and cooperative enough to go back home (for the second time). His first round of chemo was scheduled soon, and everyone was looking optimistic that he would remain with us through his time left in relative comfort.

For four long days, I heard nothing from my parents. I hoped no news was good news, and even managed to keep busy enough at work for the days to go by relatively quickly. Then on Thursday, I received a tearful call from my mom. My grandpa was back in the hospital - his cancer had now spread to his liver. The doctors had - by this point - tentatively shortened his time left to the end of January, and (according to my mom) that was being generous.

After a lot of back and forth conversation, I determined that I wanted to try to have my nuclear family (myself, my husband, and our 8-year-old son) travel to Michigan for Thanksgiving this year to ensure my son would get to spend one more holiday with his great grandfather (which we had done once a year up until this year [we went to Easter family get-together with that side of the family every year until this year - we weren’t able to make it this year]). I agreed to do everything in my power to ensure I’d be able to take time off work to make this trip happen for us, and for my parents, and for my grandparents.

But the fun of that day wasn’t quite over - about an hour after my initial phone call with my mom, she called me back to inform me that the doctors were now giving my grandfather approximately two weeks, give or take a little, to live. The acceleration of his cancer, it seems, had been incredibly aggressive, and they did not expect it to slow down at all. With that in mind, they now planned on stopping all treatment once my grandfather was stable, sending him home, and getting him set up with hospice care to make him as comfortable as possible.

On Sunday, my mom called me to let me know that they got him home and set up, with everything in place. He seemed to be comfortable and stable, for now. The one thing the doctors have reveled at in all of this is that my grandfather’s pain levels have been minimal throughout this ordeal. That alone still gives us hope that he will remain stubborn enough for us all to see one another at Thanksgiving in Michigan.

And this brings us to yesterday. Somehow along all of this, my mother had not been made clear that my intentions were to go to Michigan. Once she heard that was my hopeful plan, she went to see about plane tickets. Thanks to her long-standing good reputation with Delta, she managed to get a quote for the tickets for the three of us: $1100. My mother’s initial offer (knowing that money has been tight for us) was to cover two of the three plane tickets so that we would only need to pay for one. In order to lift some stress from my mother’s shoulders (despite not having a plan in place for it), I offered for us to pay half of the total instead of just for one ticket. While this helped my mother relax, the two hours I spent frantically trying to figure out where to come up with $550 dollars was quickly wearing my nerves away (all while I was at work, too).

On my lunch break, I had to run to Target to pick up a few cleaning supplies for work when my mom called me again. She was getting the plane tickets booked in my ear, while my husband was trying to find a way out of fronting $550 we don’t have in the other ear. I was incredibly hesitant, and vocalized it, only for my mom to stop me. She then informed me that my grandmother - who was infinitely grateful that we were trying to plan to come visit for Thanksgiving - had told my mom to buy the tickets and that the cost was covered. It was more than my heart could take. I broke down in tears, in the middle of the day in a damned Target, trying to think of something to do to pay my grandmother back. She’s been through more than everyone, and yet she was sweeping in to the rescue anyway.

That being said. I am opening emergency commissions for sketchy headshots, jewelry concept art, and handmade scarves. My goal would, ideally, be to make the full $1100 to pay back my grandmother. Regardless of whether my grandfather makes it to Turkey day or not, we will be making the trip to Michigan, and that’s not something I get to do very often (a con to my job, which typically blacks out the months of November and December from any and all holiday travel because it’s the busiest time of the year for us).

If any of the below interests you, please send me a message and we’ll get the particulars figured out. Here’s what I have to offer:

$5-$20 : Jewelry Concept Sketch (traditional artwork)

For those who might have an idea for a canon item their character may or may not carry with them, I can help give your trinket dimension. The more details / complexity, the more this would cost. Can add digital color for an additional $3. Seen below are a mix of requested designs for tumblr and concept art drawn by me at work.

$15-$45 : Character Bust Headshots

While I usually need a faceclaim or inspiration in order to create these, if you have a general idea (or give me creative license based on the info you give me), I can likely create it with little trouble. Line art only takes the least amount of time. Shading is midline. If you want color, I need screenshots / references, and it would be the most expensive. Armor is not something I’m strong at, but I would absolutely try to include some if it is wanted.

$25-$55 : Handmade Scarves

I have a self-taught talent for creating scarves of various sizes and styles. The ruffly scarves are good spring / autumn scarves - lightweight and fashionable - but still provide a light amount of heat retention; they can come in pretty much any color of the rainbow (availability would have to be confirmed, but I do have a bunch here at home already). The thick fluffy scarves (middle image and bottom left image) are a combination of 2-4 yarns interwoven together to create a very warm winter scarf that can either be traditional or infinity-style and provide heavy heat retention; they too can come in myriad colors (subject to availability), but it should be noted that multiple colors are more expensive. I also will put a disclaimer here that I will only provide a scarf to those who confirm they are not sensitive to wool products, as all of these are wool-based.

All payments will be taken via PayPal (which we will discuss via dms), so please be respectful of this.

Thank you for taking the time to read through everything. It means a great deal to me. Any and all small donations are incredibly appreciated (I’ll be trying to put something together for those as well). If you cannot purchase or donate, please help me out by reblogging this to share it. I’ll be reposting a shorter Commission post later this week for proper reblogging, after work is done for the week.

I love and appreciate you all for your time, and hope there is something I can offer to each of you.

(( to my various RP families: @blackbay-wra @holtandthornetradingco @householt @the-wyrmrest-sanctuary ))

[deltastorm101]

G-Force: A review of one of my childhood games

Wow. To be honest, I wouldn’t have thought this review would ever see the light of day - I always said that I couldn’t write it, not for this game, because I know it way too well, am too biased and too emotionally attached to it. It was hard but here we are!

Time for game 👏 review 👏!

Warning: Spoilers. You know the tea, I won’t straight-up tell you everything from start to finish but it’s nice to have played it yourself (it’s on Steam!). Or go watch a let’s play or two. Or look at screenshots.

There is a major spoiler at the end but there will be an extra warning beforehand.

How do I even start this? I love this game to death and beyond. I basically grew up with it, it was one of the two games my childhood gaming life consisted of (the other one being Bolt - you know, the superpower dog), so there is no way this will be objectively or neutrally written. (As if anything else I wrote is xD)

And: it still runs, surprisingly! Admittedly, I did have some problems with the CD version when I updated to Windows 10 some years ago but the Steam version runs like a freshly refuelled Ferrari.

So, some context, in case you have not played it or watched any gameplay clips: In this game, which came out 2009 based on the movie with the same name, you play as Darwin, who’s an armed guinea pig, and you fight against household appliances, who have come to life and sure know how to defend themselves. The special force you fight amongst is approved and commissioned by the government, yet you cannot be seen by the humans/security personnel patrolling the place(s). It’s your goal to stop the appliances from forming a gigantic entity threatening to destroy mankind and the world it populates, together with four other rodents you’ll mostly hear over radio and only occasionally see and/or interact with. You with me? Good. Then let’s start.

The attention to detail is one of the most important things why I think this game has such a distinct and unique style, which becomes clear in, for example, the amount of hidden off-track routes. It’s not open world or anything, but you’re pretty often offered an alternative way to finish a task, and not just for something like a collectible. I called this “diversity in linearity”. One way in, one way out, but a whole lot to explore in between – more than in other games which are similar in style. I also love how the game makes the player trace back to something familiar, for example having the entry area as the finishing area, and making it interesting by hiding a mechanic there you can only uncover and use as soon as you’ve acquired it between areas and then return.

The level design in general is a big plus - the levels are inventive and colourful and just so nicely made. You can see and feel the love and heart that was poured into the futuristic and cool looking environments, floors, rooms and grounds, and the enormous variety of the different appliances’ attacks you have to fight against and adjust to is amazing.

The amount of hidden collectibles you can get is refreshing. There are SaberSense chips (the currency), there are silver data discs (the weapon upgrades). And that’s it.

There are also golden discs to get new weapons but you kind of get them automatically as the story progresses, so I excluded them here.

Regarding the fact that such an awful lot of games these days seem to need SO many unrewarding and useless collectible items, it feels so good to have an upgrade system actually worth and worthwhile to use and take advantage of. You find upgrades which are hidden in the world. You buy them with currency at vending kiosks. Period. We need to let older games teach us how to do it, apparently.

Very clear audio- and visual clues and cues always help you find your way through puzzles, which does make it less challenging as soon as you figured out what to look out for, but it also makes it more fun in a way. Not everything has to be a challenge, and if you’re playing this game while being older than 13 you are most likely just in it for exactly this - the fun. Of course, this game is intended for younger players like I was when I first played it, which might be one of the reasons it’s so colourful and always wants to really make sure you get the controls and master them well before it throws some more difficult stuff at you. There’s a ‘weapon’ solely for the purpose of scanning enemies and the environment to find out weak points and gather information, so even if you were to leave and then come back to the game, there’s a high chance of immediately finding your way back into it, even if you forgot some stuff.

On the subject of weapons, simple remark: I like the equipment and its system. There are eight weapons in total, five of them for pure shooting combat, which you acquire as the game progresses. You can choose from them in three slots and change them at any time. Melee attacks are done via some kind of electro-shocking whip, which can also be used to open boxes. Agility is achieved by a backpack-sized jetpack, allowing you to reach high ledges, bridge over pits and traps or run faster right from the beginning of the game.

Cool system, easy to understand and explainable in four sentences. And my god, are the guns nicely designed.

The game reusing audio clips (music, not dialogue) makes a nice touch too - one could argue “why didn’t the devs compose enough for every level yaddayadda” but I feel like recognizing certain songs makes you feel like... returning home or seeing an old friend or something. (Oh wow, why so poetic today? This is a review, get it together.)

So, about combat and enemy difficulty: these days, being older and really knowing this game’s ins and outs pretty well by now, none of the enemies is a real challenge anymore. Though when I first played it, I remember being SO UNRATIONALLY AFRAID of that CD player when I first battled it and discovered that it was... a real pain in the ass. xD Whenever I encountered it later in the game I rAN AWAY like mad and placed myself somewhere high where I was safe and could observe everything, to finish it off safely and without suffering heart attacks. (Yes, I might have been a little too young for it, but what can I say... if I liked something, I got into it. Really into it. Heh.)

Same goes for soda coolers, by the way. And paper shredders, if I can’t destroy them. And water coolers. And torches. They can all go f-

Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’ll become a major soon. Uh. Moving on...

Okaaay, let’s list some “negative” points too, I guess, to not have it be a completely unobjective essay of praise...

Of course, the game being from 2009, the graphics and audio quality can’t be the best anymore, but that’s just called progress. You get used to it after some time – however, the audio frequency of the characters speaking over radio always has and always will grate on my ears... which might be because I’m used to clear and crisp sounding audio in newer games nowadays, which, again, can’t be compared to this game anymore and should be treated as technological progress, just like the graphics.

(Major spoiler warning here. Read on at your own risk.)

The very last level/chapter falls kind of flat. Mooch (the fly that’s able to get Darwin through locked doors and stuff) is a nice mechanic, and sometimes crucial to important story elements, but he’s a side character, and finishing the game with him leading an entire level has felt weird then and still feels weird today.

I need to mention the differences to the movie. Which isn’t a positive aspect nor a negative one - the game is an action game, while the movie combines action with comedy. The movie wouldn’t work as the game and the game wouldn’t work as the movie, simple as that. The fact that Ben takes up such a different role plays into that as well. In the game he just acted as the (human) background big boss who told everyone what to do, while he was a much more developed character in the movie. Which is fine now that I think about it - he wouldn’t have fitted as well into the game’s plot and storyline anyway. Same with the role of a different character I won’t name here because I consider it too big of a spoiler :P

The story in general could be described as... nice. But as I said, narrative or character development isn’t the focus of the game and therefore not its strongest suit.

So. G-Force.

I loved it then and I still love it to this day. This “review” is my homage to a game that is very near and dear to my heart... I hope I could do it justice.

[draco-omega]

10 months ago, I decided to make a game.

10 months later, I have a bunch of art and a bunch of interface code and a whole pile of design notes, and not much game.

This is my story.

(Now in bullet point form so that I can stop redrafting it >.>)

I have a treatment-resistant anxiety disorder which significantly interferes with my ability to work - both on my own projects and other things that might be called 'gainful employment'. (I still feel some shame at admitting this so bluntly, even though I feel ideologically that there should be no more shame in this than any physical impairment that resulted in the same. Fuck mental health stigma, defining self-worth by employment is toxic capitalist dogma, etc, etc.)

In part because of this, I had been effectively unemployed and living with my mother for a number of years. (I still did my best to hammer out projects, but nothing, y'know, actually PAID anything... >.>)

Then in late 2017, my mother died (somewhat unexpectedly) of cancer, which left me with no home (we'd been sharing an apartment that she had been covering most of the rent on) and literally zero income. Obviously grief and upheaval did not help with any of my prior difficulties managing employment, either.

After some debate, I decided to combine the savings I had left over from my last stint as a network administrator with a (modest) inheritance from my mother and try to actually make a living at making games. This is something I had always theoretically wanted to do, but never put actual money on the line for. (Okay, in a perfect world, I'd happily give all my work away for free and live on some minimum guaranteed income, but we do not yet live in such a world).

One of my historically biggest gamedev weaknesses was a lack of artistic ability, so this seemed a perfect thing to put money towards. I could hire an artist, which would not only allow me to make a more commercially appealing product, but would also free me up to focus on the mechanical and writing aspects of gamedev, which are the areas I most wanted to be working on and also consider myself best at. (Any followers that remember my work on ToK may recall me complaining there about how it seemed I spent my time on nothing but graphics? >.>

This was shortly after Touhou fangames had been given the official blessing to be sold on Steam, and some had already achieved great success there, so this seemed like a good way to create some instant appeal and interest in my game, while working with a franchise that I already loved to death and had written hundreds of thousands of words of fanfiction for (eg: This or that or this other thing)

And so Chronicle of False History was born!

...and yet I somehow still spent most of my time working on art. You see, having never worked with an actual artist before, I underestimated a number of things:

1) I underestimated how much work it would be to find a suitable artist in the first place (though at least this part is done)

2) I gravely underestimated how much of my time would be spent on 'art direction' or 'project management' or whatever you want to call it.

Every sprite that is created, even for canonical character designs, requires making a large number of decisions regarding:

What attack and spell poses it will have (and how to cover the broadest range of signature abilities with just two 'frames', for budget reasons)

Which of enumerable (and sometimes mutually-exclusive) costume details from canon (and fanon) should be selected (and do you have any idea just how many variations there are on things as straightforward as 'the hilt of Miko's sword'?)

Gathering a pile of reference images that clearly detail every element of the character (and action poses) to be drawn (which is also harder than you might think; a lot of art is sufficiently suggestive of details to view without actually being a good reference to reproduce and anything that isn't exactly what I'm looking for risks my artist misunderstanding my request entirely)

Designing alternate-history variants of this character in a way that can be clearly conveyed with minimal costume and color changes alone (as any significant redrawing would cost far more and the cast of the game is so large already) and doing so before the part of the game they would appear in is even written.

Gathering reference images for all of those things

Writing up a detailed description of all the decisions listed above (and often drawing actual diagrams of action poses and projectile overlays that are ambiguous to express with just words) and handing it over to my artist

Waiting a while, then getting sketches back and finding out that there is inevitably a whole pile of things that need changing (either because the artist misunderstood my request entirely - despite all that previous effort - or because an idea of mine looked far better in my own head than it does, or just the usual 'incremental improvements' to something that is on the right track but not quite there - like a sort of collaborative redrafting.)

Spending hours poking at these sketches in an image editor, testing how well individual details resolve at in-game size, how well the action frames snap together, and how I feel about each questionable element. This often extends to (crudely) adjusting and readjusting the position and angle of individual limbs and eyebrows and projectiles that feel 'off' so that I can figure out what I would like her to do with them (and whether it's even worth making her take the effort to do anything with them at all)

Finally, summarizing that feedback into a detailed list of change requests (often with new diagrams to clarify my words) and repeating the last two steps over and over and over again.

Like, she does great work - don't get me wrong. I'm very pleased with the end results and this is just an inevitable part of the process of making something professional. But it does also mean that my original idea that paying an artist would free me up to work on things other than art has been... laughable in retrospect, to say the very least. In fact, it's very possible that a greater percentage of my dev time is spent on art-related tasks than on previous projects where I was doing all the art myself - I just get better art for my trouble (and money....)

This is especially true given that:

3) I underestimated just how much art work I would still need to do completely independently of her

Raven is doing character sprites. These are arguably the most individually important art content in the game, and certainly the ones that give it the most screenshot appeal, but that has left me to do everything else. Which has included:

Figuring out how to make battle backgrounds that passably match the art style of the game (since commissioning enough of these to fill all the locations needed would absolutely blow my budget)

Designing the entire look and feel of the combat screen to mesh well with Raven's sprites while also being something I am personally capable of making (using only cheap/free resources)

Creating all tweened animations and particle effects

Designing every single little UI element that exists in the game:

Elemental symbols

Dialogue boxes

Spellcard icons (and the entire menu design that requires them in the first place)

Combat action menus

Icons to indicate spellcard usability

Spellcard tooltips

Targeting overlays

A turn order bar

Spellcard availability reminders

Font choice for damage/healing numbers, spellcard names,

More cursors that you can shake a stick at

Lots more stuff, I'm sure

And even the completed sprites I get from Raven still need multiple hours of processing each to split them into component parts with sufficient information to re-composite and animate in-game. (If you've ever wondered why my screenshots seem to only involve Nazrin while I've already shown sprites for multiple other characters, this is why)

It never ends!!

...which is a fact that has been extremely draining. Like, it is probably difficult to overstate just how demoralizing it has been to pay this much money and work this hard and long and still somehow be mostly doing art (or visual-related coding) when I naively thought this project would offer some freedom from this after the endless, endless hours I spent doing this for ToK.

And it has also revealed a very tangible (and extremely stressful and troubling) fact about this game's development:

I am going to run out of money before I am remotely close to having a saleable product

When I first laid out plans for this project, I ballparked a modest but realistic budget for the artwork. I chose an art style that could provide pleasing visuals for a very large cast of characters at a cost-effective rate (for a game, at least). I deliberately limited my cast size based upon the agreed-upon cost per character with my artist (and have repeatedly held myself back from various fun ideas because I felt I simply could not afford to make a habit of such things). I studied sales figures for comparable games to aim for a target that had a reasonable probability of sufficient return (or at least breaking even). Game development is always a gamble, of course, but I felt (and still feel) that I made a sensible budget call and it was an amount I was fully able to pay.

But in all this, I neglected to factor in what has been, by far, my most costly development expense: remaining alive.

You see, at the rate my artist is able to produce work, the cost of retaining her is utterly dwarfed by such banal things as food and rent and not freezing to death in the winter. I live about as modest a lifestyle as possible - a one-room apartment, no car, no eating out, nothing in the way of luxuries (I don't even own a cell phone) - but that is still awfully expensive when you have no income and no prospect of it in the immediate future either.

It's a vicious cycle. The less work I get done, the more I feel future financial pressures breathing down my neck, the less work I'm able to get done (due to stress and general demoralization), the more I feel future financial pressures, etc, etc, etc.

And there's a logistical problem even outside of my own stress and anxiety and being damnably human in my need for actual rest: I've spent nearly 10 months working together with my artist and thus have a pretty good sense of how fast she's able to get character art done. And unless something changes dramatically, the time required for her to finish the art assets for the game will be several years longer than I will have any savings left to pay for them - because, as it turns out, hiring an artist is actually a tiny expense compared to merely continuing to exist.

I... don't really have a good answer for this problem and I've spent a lot of time consumed by it at this point. I have faith that Chronicle of False History can be a great game... eventually. But that does no one any good if I can't stay afloat long enough to make it. I've considered pivoting to another smaller-scope game project in the meantime, in the hopes of generating some modest influx of cash that could be used to fund the rest of CoFH's development, but there are a whole slew of reasons this is dicey (not least of which is that small-scope projects have a tendency to not be nearly as small as one anticipates...)

I've also thought about exploring Patreon, but like... I'm fully aware that I don't currently produce nearly enough interesting content for people to just want to throw money at. Tantalizing glimpses of it, perhaps. The promise that in the future I might. But what do I really have to show for this at the moment?

And so, here I am, exhausted by a marathon of work I did not properly anticipate and without the tangible reward I'd expected to have by this point (not a finished game, by any means, but like... much more of one than I actually have). And every month that passes by in which I get less done on my game than anticipated is yet more cash bleeding out of my bank account, like I'm trapped on a badly leaking boat with no shore in sight. I need a rest from all these stressors (and some more personal ones not described here), but when time spent not working has itself become a stressor these days, where can I even find it?

...wow, this sure sounded upbeat, huh?

In any case, I still care a lot about CoFH and have no intention of stopping work on it. I just... need to figure out some way to allow myself to continue to do so without this enormous capitalist behemoth crushing me beneath it.

(I had originally intended to provide more of an overview of the useful work accomplished over these past 10 months here, with mockups showing the evolution of the game's visual design, but clearly that goes into a future post at this point).

[tessmontyart]

2018 Year In Review

Another year, another review 💕(I actually typed most of this up before 2019 and then got distracted, whoops)

To put things short, 2018 has been AWESOME :D Exhausting and fast, but awesome.

I started it off pretty uncertain how things were going to go, dreading it would be a repeat of 2017′s boring TAFE courses and endless job rejections. But the miracle happened - a 2D animation studio opened up near me, I applied, did an animation test and got the job!

The job was a contract from 1st of April - 21st of December, so I spent the majority of my year going to work to animate characters for a really crazy but hilarious new kids show called Spongo Fuzz and Jalapena, due to air mid 2019 :) 

It was honestly the most fun job I have ever had and I can’t wait for the next project! 🎉 I have never been this exhausted in my life, though. 😅I had already booked a whole bunch of conventions before I got the job, and didn’t want to cancel them so I was working nonstop - Animation during the day and intensive convention prep every night. 

I also had the bright idea of creating a full colour 26 page comic -with a tight deadline - so I was madly working to the point I didn’t even have time for dinner half the time :’) I am sort of happy with the comic, but also kind of wish I never had the idea in the first place. 😅

I tabled at a ton of conventions; Melbourne Supanova, Central Coast ComiCon, Other Worlds Zine Fair, Sydney Supanova, SMASH and Canberra Gamma Con. If next year doesn’t go so well on the job side of things I’m hoping to add a few more conventions to that list - Brisbane Supanova, Oz Comic Con and Animaga to name a few. I’ve already booked Sydney Madman Anime Festival!

2018 was the year my partner and I celebrated our 4th year together, and he never fails to amaze me with his continuous love and support. I was too sick to attend the first day of SMASH, so he set up and ran the whole stall for me while I stayed at home. Same with Sydney Supanova, I was too bogged down in animation work and couldn’t afford to take the Friday off, so he set up and ran the stall for me on Friday, then we ran the stall together on the weekend. He also tended to my every need when I broke my toe, cooked all my meals when I was busy with work and even packaged + posted all my Etsy orders every day because I was always working during post office hours. He listened to all the problems I was having with my stall setup and helped make shelves and decorations to make it look and function better. I was getting stressed because my desk space was too small, BAM he bought me a brand new desk with plenty of storage. I was getting stressed that I had so much on my convention to-do-list and couldn’t keep track of all my project ideas, BAM, he sets up a whiteboard and helps me brainstorm everything so I can keep track of all my thoughts and ideas and what to prioritise for future conventions. I didn’t even ask him to do any of this, he just loves to help me and make me happy and I am forever blissed and happy to be able to spend my life with such a wonderful human! 

(Home made High Tea I made for him on Valentines Day) 

Arsty Highlilghts / accomplishments:

🌸I designed 9 cute Houseki no Kuni acrylic charms which have been doing really well at conventions!

🌸I also drew a cute series of ‘Sleepy Gem’ Houseki no Kuni / Steven Universe holographic prints, which I’m quite proud of 😊

🌸I created my 2nd enamel pin design, which already needed 2 reorders because they were so popular! ;w; I never knew I could make something that so many people love *sob* I’ve already planned to make these into a series! (already designed some deer ones, and thinking of doing foxes next ^_^ )

🌸I also tried getting gold foil prints done for the first time, which was pretty cool! I got the american sizes mixed up though so I might try for the bigger size next time :) (grainy photo cause its a screenshot from a video)

🌸I’ve been taking steps to make my stall look more ‘professional’, and got a really neat wooden sign made for me by my friend as_sweet_as_jasmine!

🌸I’ve started revamping my favourite series of posters - the Eevee Gijinka girls :) I plan to have them all done and ready for 2019s conventions! 

🌸This was the year I got an iPad, so I could do digital art on-the-go. Honestly its helped me so much, and I can’t wait to be able to use it more (sorta didn’t get a chance to touch it while i was working!)

🌸I got Copic Markers for my birthday so I had a whole new medium to play with! These mixed with using a brush pen for inking really make my inktobers pop and I’m eager to draw more with them  :) 

🌸Speaking of Inktober, it was a huge accomplishment for me to put effort into a decent artwork every day this year! Usually theres a few dud ones when I lacked inspiration, but I somehow managed to make it work ;w; So when it came time to printing the books, theres 31 illustrations rather than 25 like the others :) Also the whole rainbow theme idea came from how cool I think it would look flipping through a rainbow book - so I managed to make that happen and couldn’t be happier!

🌸I passed 1000 sales on Etsy!! 😱As well as 1000 followers on instagram! Crazy right??

General 2018 highlights

🌸2018 was the year one of my best friends got married! I made cute little clay wedding cake toppers for her :)

🌸The year Owl City’s 7th album Cinematic came out!! All the tracks are so GOOD and exactly the sound all us hootowls were longing for. Also Be Brave is a tearjerker, in a good way. What an amazing human Abbey is to Adam <3 

🌸The year Spyro Reignited Trilogy came out!! It’s absolutely amazing, and I love every second of it. Every time I play it I just can’t help but stand there looking around at every detail because everything is just so gorgeous *_* And the nostalgia is so real.

🌸Not exactly a highlight but the year Tumblr went NSFW free, and lost hundreds of thousands of users 😂I’m still here though. Got a dumb tradition to keep up ya know.

🌸The year my work had a hilarious Christmas party where we had to dress up as a character from Spongo Fuzz and Jalapena. It was the first time I actually put effort into a cosplay by myself 😂(possibly the last) (wont put a photo up for embarrassing reasons)

🌸the year I broke my toe for the first time xD;; definitely not a highlight but a first! I couldn’t walk for weeks! it sucked!!! T__T

🌸The year my friend successfully funded his kickstarter for his own cartoon ‘Nurry Brothers Adventure World’ :D So proud of him. I’m gonna help him animate!

🌸The year Lano and Woodley reunited with their amazing show ‘Fly’!! I loved it so much I saw it twice :D 

🌸The year I tried doing Halloween for the first time - I bought a bunch of lollies and chocolates and decorations on my letterbox/door to let people know I was participating. I got 2 different groups of people at the door, 5 people all up 😂More than I expected tbh!

🌸I tried Ruby chocolate for the first time! It was ok .. just kinda tasted like berry yoghurt flavoured white chocolate though ;w; 

SO! What’s coming for 2019?

I’m not really sure at the moment, but I have high hopes for Cheeky Little Studios (the animation company I worked for) - so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if any of their next projects get concrete start dates :) I’m not as terrified of the year as I usually am when its just one big question mark. I know I can make decent money through conventions and commissions in the meant time so I’ll just continue doing what I love! 

LAST YEAR I SAID:

“I am crossing my fingers for an animation job I applied for a while ago” - I GOT IT! :D

“I plan to do even more conventions. Hopefully I can get into Oz Comic Con!" - didn’t end up applying because I was busy with the job, but keen to try for 2019 :)

"I’m keen to apply for like Animaga in Melbourne, as well as Madman Anime Fest in Brisbane and Melbourne.” - didn’t end up doing so for the same reason above, but that might change this year :)

“I also want to make a lot more non-fandom things for market stalls, as well as a comic and zines!” - I made the comic, as well as 3 inktober zines and a cute ‘if I fits I sits’ cat zine! As well as a bunch of cute original enamel pin ideas and my whole inktober was original art :D 

“Hopefully I’ll hit 1k followers on fb/ig? :D that will make me feel important lol” - I hit 1k on instagram!! I felt very important xD

“I’m also hoping to go on a holiday this year." - I didn’t, for job reasons ... buuut I’m booked in for a cruise in Italy / Greece this September that I’m extremely excited for!

“PLEASE BE KIND 2018, I’M BEGGING YOU 😱” - You were very very kind to me, 2018. 2019, please follow suit! 

(man this is the 7th year of review I’ve done. Can’t believe I’ve been on tumblr this long 😅)

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