#I mean once you see it I obviously did post this so nvm I guess; but still

[meatcute]

Not an American, and I despise Harris and Biden for their enabling of genocide, and Harris in particular for her role in so much institutional cruelty and misery. If I were there, I don’t think I’d vote for either if it came down to it.

At the same time, there’s a glimmer more hope for me when it comes to Palestine specifically with her than with Biden. It’s not a lot, and definitely not enough to be convinced she’d be willing to denounce Zionism or push the Democratic Party to distance themselves from the Israeli regime, though. It’s something though.

Here are my reasons why:

Biden specifically has been a huge voice of Zionism for decades. He once told Netanyahu that he was Israel’s best friend in US politics. Harris does not have that degree of personal investment in Israel- Obviously, she is supported by AIPAC, but she has not entrenched herself in it like Biden did.

She’s just not as old. Everyone I know that’s Biden’s age, smart or not, liberal or conservative and even actively leftist, take a lot of talking to in order to reconsider their stance on anything. We don’t have the ability to do that directly with Biden, as we can see from it taking weeks and personal lobbying for him to step down- Harris will probably be more receptive to adapting her stance on most issues than we could ever hope Biden to be.

I guess my overall feeling on the situation is: I wanted Biden gone; I want Harris better. I think everyone continuing to talk about Gaza, pressuring her on that, alongside her record on Native American rights, sex workers, police reform, etc has a genuine chance of affecting her policy choices as president.

So I’m holding out hope. Not hope on the way that “if American’s just vote for her, she’ll be a good president!” way, but in a “If this election campaign continues the way it is, she can choose to reinvent herself and her stances on major issues that the Biden-Harris administration failed.” way.

If she doesn’t make those choices, and chooses to stand even stronger pro-Israel, pro-cop and toe the Democratic Party line, then you can drag this post back up and we can all laugh at it together as a symptom of chronic centre-left apologism.

TL:DR: Keep criticising Harris’ record, keep condemning the Biden-Harris administration’s fucking awful treatment of Palestinians and apathy towards Sudan. I believe that doing that has an active political purpose in changing how Harris will approach things, and that keeping that open as a possibility can energise this movement even stronger.

irdk this just sounds like youve been totally sold over by harris having better optics than biden. harris being younger or not as expressive on her opinions on israel does not mean she doesnt stand by the decisions shes made. do you think she endorses the genocide by accident?

"we can laugh together" ah nvm you dont care about this. you typed this whole essay only for your reaction to a future where our president kills palestinians to be "lol guess i was wrong!" like what is the point of this. congrats on the successful ragebait ig?

[sneepity-snoop-snorpity-sneep]

I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ON HOW AMERICAN SOCIETY HANDLES MENTAL DISABILITY AND I HAVE DECIDED TO talk about it to myself on my blog at moderate volume

THOUGHT NUMBER 1!!

OK so i’m pretty sure anyone who’s thought about it knows that the medical community (and other industries connected to it, like the insurance dudes), don’t consider brain-malfunction conditions to be on the same tier as other forms of healthcare, and give less priority to funding those departments, which means even if you HAVE got a bunch of medical professionals in those disciplines who DO take that ish seriously, they’ve got immediate barriers between them and the folks needing their services. which sucks.

that one i don’t have an immediate fix for, cuz i don’t think there IS an immediate fix, especially with how many more people are needing mental health treatments/evaluations these days. but you know what COULD have a nice big drastic impact on how people as a whole see mental health AND ALSO how large of a burden untreated mental health problems put on american society??

MAKE. ANNUAL. MENTAL HEALTH. EVALUATIONS. A. NORMAL. THING!!

like what parents are supposed to do with their kids and dr appointments is at least once a year, hop in the car or on the bus, and take their kid to get a physical! thats a totally normal thing people do, the idea being “even if there wasn’t anything obviously wrong before the appointment, its just a good way to keep an eye on our children’s health and catch problems sooner if a serious one does turn up!

well folks, that idea of monitoring one’s health preventing a lot of problems from becoming problems in the first place would also work with any and all forms of neurodivergency!! like how many people who struggle with a brain illness struggle mostly due to the fact that they weren’t prepared for it!? i’m totally projecting here btw, cuz guess what happened to me even though i WAS tested as a kid!! this exact issue right here!

obviously, a lot of mental illnesses specifically can’t be counted on to show up when you're still in childhood, where once a problem is revealed its the adults around you who are supposed to take care of you and make sure you’re getting what you need. BUT!!! but but but but BUT

if you DID come down with a condition as an adult, but you’d already been somewhat familiarized with what symptoms WERE IN FACT symptoms, and common treatments/solutions for said symptoms, due to having regular psychiatric checkups with a dr throughout childhood?

well, odds seems pretty good that you’d be much better prepared for that condition if/when it did come along, and it would probably take less time to notice it too!

say nothing of the fact that this would do a lot to de-stigmatize mental health, cuz if u arrange ur healthcare system so it is No Longer Assuming That Neurotypicality Is The Norm, then EVERYONE’S got that knowledge too, and even for the people who haven’t got a form of neurodivergence and never will -  them having a similar stockpile of background knowledge and awareness of mental health as those who do have a condition will do a ton to remove the obstacles in the way of effective society-wide treatment of brain illnesses (both on the stigma side of things, and on the practical symptom-treating side)

THOUGHT NUMBER 2!!

so this party-popper of thought was specifically inspired by a post i saw but can’t find (NVM I FOUND IT :D) that listed neurotypical traits in a similar manner as autistic traits tend to be talked about - i chuckled at it and then went like hey, what if tho, what if that could actually have some practical applications?

specifically, what if that exact premise was used as a the foundation of a unit in health classes in public schools?

like i know that even if you get a health curriculum and teacher that does a fairly good job of talking about what they’re required/allowed to talk about, there just isn’t enough time given to go into detail about a lot of important shit, and in the classes i got at least, neurodivergency vs. neurotypical-ness was one of the things not discussed (most of the ones i got focused on healthy relationships, which they did a good-but-not-great job on)

but if you had even just a couple lectures where the teachers first explain what each one is, give a few examples of neurodivergent conditions, and then follow it up with a talk outlining the neurotypical traits and explaining why/how they’re neurotypical traits?? it could definitely have a similar effect as the theoretical benefits to Thought #1

it would potentially re-frame the lack-of-condition that is being neurotypical - like i feel like the way people see it as ‘normal’ and while i get how that’s the impression people end up with, i think that’s a bad way to try and categorize the different ways the human brain functions - cuz what does normal even mean??? it doesn’t really describe anything except that ‘this person doesn’t seem to have anything going on with their behavior, they must be normal’ which. uh. hi there high-functioning folks, how y’all doing on this fine fall afternoon?

like if i’d been made aware that a lot of the stuff i did that i knew was what made me ‘weird’ were actually full-on SYMPTOMS that i actually shared with a ton of other people!? lemme tell you, it would’ve made a BIG difference in how much i measured the scope my problems based on ‘i’m weird though, so this is to be expected’

 Even (or maybe especially) though i didn’t actually know anybody personally with the same conditions, because hey! i didn��t know many people personally who also had asthma, but i never developed any hangups around how that affected my physical needs. why would I??! i’d already met a bunch of doctors about it, gotten an inhalor for it, and knew it was a Condition and that i was far from the only kid who had it. there wasn’t any empty space in my knowledge that i was left to fill with my own assumptions, that if i was so perpetually inadequate it must just be a trait i had and there wasn’t any point in trying to logic my way out of that burden

it doesn’t seem like it would be particularly difficult to close that knowledge gap when it comes to how people look at mental illness and neurodivergency, even just by explaining what’s really going into being allistic, neurotypical, or ‘normal’ would go a long way towards dispelling the idea that people have absolute control over their brains and behavior, as well as just being a great way to get folks with undiagnosed going-ons in their grey matter to shake off any assumptions they’ve made about how they should look at themselves for not being normal

ok yeah, having lectures where u explain how a person is neurotypical the same way you’d explain how someone is neurodivergent won’t help people with brain conditions know which one they’ve got or what to do about it - but i feel like the greater gain here is disrupting the idea that being neurotypical or ‘normal’ is something that awards merit or pride.

no one who’s not-neurodivergent got that way because of something they personally achieved or did. it wasn’t a reward they received from the universe for being a Certified Good Boi, they got lucky! they didn’t do anything to personally earn a brain that functions and on the flip side of that, starting out with a brain that functions isn’t actually some form of magical protection from losing that functionality if ur good luck runs out - a lot of forms of neurodivergence aren’t ones you’re born with after all.

and even the ones that ARE, same logic applies!! autism, adhd, and other conditions aren’t metaphorical coal in ur stocking for being naughty, they just are. nobody gets a say in what stats they have at birth!! (honestly the control we have even under our own agency and mobility isn’t that influential on our circumstances a lot of the time)

basically i feel like u want to start regularly introducing the idea that the perception of ‘normal’ is coming out of very measurable things in people’s brains. A perception which really just seems like another lazy way of assuming that those who have a functioning brain won’t ever have to worry about losing that, like it’s an inherent trait to you as a person or something - newflash! it ain’t. your mind, personality, and behavior are not magical airy-fairy things detached from measurable factors, their roots are all held within your brain, and your brain is an organ which can get sick or damaged. Not only that, but since its a very complex organ to boot, it doesn’t take a very big change to cause big differences in functionality!!

like yeah in theory it would be great if you could explain the difficulties people with disabilities face to those with no personal stake in that, and have them have sufficient empathy to consider that as something that matters. And although I’m sure there ARE folks out there capable of that, there’s also a lot of folks out there who will let you down BIG TIME on that front, so i think another tactic to use when trying to combat ableism would be to start requiring curriculums that gives all the folks across the board a nice big sip of

[rainbowoftamaran]

Check out my rainbow of friends!

"So, yes, I made all these awesome friends, and I realized that I have a full rainbow! Obviously, that's really amazing and perfect and I just have to show it to anyone who cares!

Nisha - @chainxdancer - is just really cool! She's strong and can fight and she's... I forgot what exactly she is but she's not human and has a tail and horns and she doesn't mind sharing her money or food with me, and if things go as planned I might be able to join her on her adventures soon to earn my own money!

Moonshot - @warriorfortamaran - uh... look. I needed to fill the orange slot, and I do know him. He's a meanie though, typical tamaranean with a side of extra-grumpy. Best you avoid him.

Yuko - @rosecoloredmuses - was so very nice to me! Despite having quite clearly caught me attempting to steal from her, she offered me some of her candies, and oh are those great! Definitely worth our encounter! We didn't have that much time together, since she had to go soon enough, but, it was really cool to meet her and I do consider us friends after this - I mean, you don't give non-friends just free food, right? - and just, I love her sweets and am absolutely convinced that she's a great person to meet!

Sirise - @siriseen - and I met on some other planet. It was really nice to have company during that exploration, and she knows so much! She's also really good at medicine and these things, so like, definitely someone that I'm glad to know! Still not quite sure what that Starfleet is that she belongs to, but, yeah, it's been really fun with her and I do hope that we'll meet again!

Minato - @dxfiedfxte - actually is not dyeing his hair, as he told me! I never thought humans had such a variety in hair-color! It does seem to be a unique thing for him, too, so I probably thought right. It's very awesome to know someone else who has a rather unique hair-color of their species! He's also been really nice to me so far and it's fun to hang out with him!

Perrine - @flusenimkopf - has helped me before with giving that karrn'k Moonshot a bit of what he deserves, even before we got to know one another! She's also not human either, and I think she doesn't know all about where she's from just like how I don't! It's just really cool to hang out with her, and I'm glad we're having some things in common! I'm also very happy to have someone that I can complain about Moonshot to and do stuff to him together with, that's really something I needed.

So yeah, they are all really amazing and awesome to know, so I absolutely suggest that you consider enriching your life by knowing them, too!"

[[This all has been presented to you by Starlight, found on this blog, @rainbowoftamaran . Below the cut you can find some OOC-stuff like credits and the likes.]]

Hello! If you do reach the cut, thank you for checking the OOC blabber behind the post, too! I've been working on this thing for a little bit now. I'm not entirely happy with it, but content enough to post it, as some sort of promo I guess. Please feel no obligation to reblog this, whether you are in this or not, I just had to do something "for Starlight" upon realizing she had the full rainbow together. (Obviously, not saying that friends are something to collect, or anything ridiculous like that, but I'm hopeful that no one of you will understand this wrongly!)

Moonshot is my own blog, as is Starlight, you can find a link to my mainblog and to my other blogs on each of these blogs' pages.

I sorta-copied the rainbow-waterfall-thingie from a copyrighted picture on some of these websites. I didn't use and just erase the watermark, I only took it as example and created my own thing based on it. I do hope that I don't need to credit for that, then - though during my search I found on these pages also pics with watermarks of others so they probably are in no place to call me out for using their pic as base.

In the next paragraph you find info of the pictures, and a little message to each mun in smaller in brackets behind the stuff.

Nisha's pic is taken from here, which was a commission as you can read in the post I linked. (-- I would've liked to not cut her body off quite as early, but these pics were the first I found on your blog outside of that one in your about and liked for this thing, and since they weren't going any further than this I had to cut it there! I do hope you like my choice of picture here and aren't disappointed or something that I didn't show more of Nisha!) Moonshot's pic is an edit, like the 2 other pictures I have of him, of a picture from Touda from Shounen Onmyouji. Yuko's pic is taken from an official picture, as far as I know, simply made transparent. (-- I do hope the picture is one that you like to see of her!) Sirise's pic is an edit of a screenshot showing Poison Ivy from that recent Harley Quinn show. (-- I gotta add that I was like so lucky that you actually mentioned a FC for Sirise of all your muses when I asked you that "random" question! I really wanted to include her but kinda didn't really want to add one actor among anime/cartoon/drawn characters, and when you then mentioned Ivy and I found a fitting appearance, I was so happy to have found a way to include her without mixing RL and animated characters! This thing here is also the reason I made this edit in the first place, but it was cool that I could kinda ask for your opinion on it beforehand through our talks xD) Minato's pic is, as far as I know, from an official source, and again just made transparent so it worked for my thing. (-- I really really tried to find the pic you're having as background in your theme, it looks pretty cool and I was intending to use that, but I couldn't locate it anywhere! So I kept searching, I first had a different pic chosen where he's like, very light blue all over - not in skin or the likes but I mean hair and suit - but that was a little too one-color for me in the end so I chose this one even though I prefer a bit more color! I do hope it's a 'normal' outfit of his and that you like my choice!) Perrine's pic is from here, which is art of the mun of the blog. I wish I could draw so well! (-- Your art is amazing and I'm glad you were alright with someone using it for a thing as long as you still are mentioned!)

Starlight's pic too is an edit, of an official art thingie of Rika Jougasaki from iDOLM@STER (I hope I wrote that right). And yes, she's supposed to be sitting on that cloud.

So, yes, I think this is all I have to say to it! I'm very glad that y'all are interacting with my little rainbow here (and perhaps my other blogs too), you're very awesome and it's an honor and delight to be your mutual and interaction-partner! Thank you!

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

The One Where Jensen Ackles Confirmed Cockles in 2016(????) No. Seriously. For real.

this is a DOOZY. strap in folks.

DISCLAIMER: this is chock full of rps. if you are against cockles/jenmish in any way, this post is not for you. however, if you’re like me, ummmmm...

alright. so. we are REALLY in it now, cockles truthers. and make no mistake, i DO NOT want to undersell the significance of what we have found on this glorious day in 2021.

BUT HEY! DISCLAIMER FIRST, THOUGH IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING! do not EVER bring this to jensen and misha’s attention. do not comment disrespectful things on social media. when cons/panels start again, don’t ask them questions about it. ever!!! that’s super weird, for one thing, and for two, they won’t give you the answer you want anyway! so, yeah. just be decent, y’all. let’s continue. 

so my dear mutual @green-blue-heller made this post today and i promptly lost my mind. in it, they link this video:

as far as i can tell, it’s from VegasCon 2016 but was only unprivated on january 24, 2020(dean winchester’s birthday??? wow ok) for some reason, and we have overlooked it until now. to whoever it was that posted it, THANK you for my reason for being and this delayed gratification five years later. anyway, let’s get into it.

right off the bat, those expressions in the thumbnail kind of tell you all you need to know about what we’re venturing into. i have to thank BOTH jensen AND j*red for being ridiculously transparent. i mean...j*red purposefully avoiding eye contact with jensen and looking at the ceiling with his eyebrows raised sky high? jensen hiding his face in his hands, smiling and blushing like a fool, the misha face™ & grin???

so let’s break down what happens with timestamps and everything.

so! i looked up what the question was, i scoured through the entire Vegas Con video, and here it is:

‘My question is for Jensen and Jared. You guys are both happily married, and I noticed that many people had a hard time explaining how they know their significant other is the one. The one they want to spend the rest of their life with, the one that they want to be with, and so, I wanted to ask you guys, how did you know that your current- who you’re with now(audience laughter cuts the rest of the question off and it’s unintelligible)’ ….i’m solidly guessing that the end of that question boils down to ‘was the one’. (....i...uhhhh....have some thoughts on how this question affected jensen, and i will be going into them later.)

Jared: *laughs* Jared, Jensen. When did you first meet your future ex-wives?

*both of them laugh*

Jared: I’m just kidding-I get what you’re trying to say and thank you, um...I, uh, I guess my current wife, uh-

*both laugh again*

Jensen: (sarcastically) Let’s start with her.

Jared: (repeats) Let’s start with her. I, uh, I...you said something kinda, uh, amazing in your question, which is that a lot of people have a tough time or a difficult time explaining to their significant others or to themselves what it is. And I guess I feel that I have no way to possibly explain it to myself or to her... I remember that I had been in a relationship and that I was single and I was like ‘I am not interested in getting in a relationship’ and then she and I went on a date and I was like, ‘I can’t go anywhere else. I’m not interested.’ So, that was kinda what, um, what started it for me *clears throat loudly* Uh. Yeah, I just feel like (searching for words) she makes me a better person-there are a lot of people that make you a better person, and so that’s not enough, I don’t think-or maybe it is, who knows-um...I don’t know, I can’t really...if I could explain, I’d be a poet.

here’s where things start to get interesting. before jared says ‘If I could explain, I’d be a poet,’ Jensen’s face looks like this:

stoic, thoughtful, composed. and then AFTER jared says that his face makes THIS little journey:

go watch it for yourself. this man is ridiculous. in terms of body language? he gazes up and AWAY from jared. it is a private thought, he is not sharing in jared’s joke with him, if at all. it is his own personal musings that make his face LIGHT up like that. this fool looks lovestruck!!! this fool is lovestruck!!!

now, i think it goes without saying, but there is an obvious cockles reason that springs to mind for this reaction. (hint: misha is a poet. that’s it, that’s the reason.) i don’t think jared intentionally said this with misha in mind, but jensen’s thoughts IMMEDIATELY went there. whether or not this is because he was already planning on answering and hinting at his relationship with misha before jared says this, which i think he was-you can certainly see the wheels turning in jensen’s head before this moment-his brain involuntarily makes the connection and it shows in his glowing smile. after that remark...jensen’s gone. he’s whipped. and he HAS to say something about it. 

continuing from where we left off:

Jared: ...and I would love to be a poet. (thought it would be fun to mention that at this point Jensen catches what his face did and immediately looks over to Jared and WIPES the expression of his face...but it’s too late, because someone recorded it, i saw it, and now i’m writing about it five years later)

Jared: But uhh…

Jensen: (interrupting) Just tap me when you want me to take over. 

i think that jensen is simultaneously joking and is also more than ready to say what he’s been composing in his head diligently for the last thirty or so seconds. he has made up his mind, and is now ready to drop the bomb on us.

*audience laughs, Jared playfully swats at him*

Jared: Uh… *thinks in silence for a bit* It’s really difficult, it’s really difficult. She makes me feel safe, she makes me feel loved. Uh...when...I’m in a position where I don’t love myself, I know she loves me, you know, um...she’s just an awesome, awesome lady.

*audience claps*

alright! so in terms of my OWN analysis for what’s happened up until this point, the conclusion i have come to is that there was something in the question that was asked that sets jensen’s mind off about misha, and i think it was the ‘the one’ comment. if we’re putting our cockles goggles on, jensen doesn’t HAVE a ‘the one’. he resents thinking like that. i’m also very intuitive, and i get a sense that jensen is an honest person and can’t really tell a convincing lie. i mean...we all saw that horrible airbnb debacle, right? and his slip up when he accidentally confirms that misha woke up and said ‘i miss (maison)’[which how would you know that unless you were...nvm] and became a stammering mess and had to sit down and cover his face. and that misha is always the one to take the lead when it comes to denying clothes sharing, for instance. jensen has never ONCE attempted to explain that away, because i don’t think anyone would believe him, and i think he’s incapable of doing so because he’s not a dishonest person and can’t lie easily. i’m the same way, so to avoid telling a lie i always speak partial truths, and i’m 99% sure jensen is well versed in this talent as well. oh, also, just to really land my point....we all know how he feels about the finale because he can’t make himself speak well on it. he’ll gush about 15x18 and the PEOPLE BEHIND the finale, but he has not uttered one. positive. word. about the actual finale itself. i mean, we all know what he thinks about it. in his own way, he has made his rage glaringly obvious. and i think he’s doing that exact thing here, where he resents the implication that daneel is the only ‘one’ for him, because that’s simply not true, and he can’t and won’t lie about something like that. 

i watched it back again and wrote notes on jensen’s body language as he’s processing the question. here they are:

from 0:13 to 1:21, jensen: 

looks down - tenses face - searching eyes, lost in thought - jared’s comment brings him out of it but it takes a second - fidgets, adjusts clothes, looks at jared - bites the inside of his cheeks and moves tongue around his mouth(pacifying gesture) - eyes start wandering away from jared, looks down and tenses face, looks back at jared - then looks away, eyes and mind far from the panel and pondering the question itself - somewhat wistful expression, gears clearly turning in his head, lips pursed, stops reacting to what jared is saying, fingers start fidgeting, eyes have moved downward as he is lost in thought - something shifts in his brain, he looks to the ceiling, fidgets and adjusts his clothing, squints and seems to resolve an inner thought - slightly comes back down to earth with newfound resolution - and then jared’s ‘i would be a poet’ comment happens while he’s coming down from that

i mean, this obviously doesn’t necessarily mean anything huge(yet), all it shows is that this question took a lot of thinking for him. when you compare it to how jared kind of just dove in? 

anyway; so then jared’s done, he slaps jensen’s thigh to indicate it’s his turn, jensen makes THAT face you see in the thumbnail, jared’s eyebrows raise, jensen looks down and scratches his forehead, and then makes the statement of a lifetime. 

here’s the link for this next part

Jensen: Ummm..I kind of feel like there’s two types of people ..uh..in regards to marriage and the, the one. Uh, it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you. And, I kind of find myself in between both of those(...types of people). And uh, and so, it can be a scary endeavour, and it can, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, um, but I think it’s a, uh, it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey that, uh, if you’re willing to stick it out with one another, can be an amazing, beautiful thing and I’m glad that I picked the partner and the teammate that I have, so.

i’ll give you like a second to recuperate before we dig in. 

let’s start with both jared and jensen’s body language first, because it wasn’t even the words that clued me in, it was whatever the hell was going on with jared’s face. 

i really wish i could gif, but i can only attempt to convey the SPEED and VIGOUR with which jared snaps his head toward jensen. 

these pictures are objectively hilarious because you can see the entire mental journey that jared goes on. he was aloof and kind of relaxed because he was done, it’s jensen’s turn now, he’s surely not gonna out himself with this question right? and then jensen goes ahead and says ‘there are two-’ and jared instantly zones right into jensen with a look of horror on his face, that he tries to contain, but does so unsuccessfully. that is the face of a man who is internally freaking out, thought to himself ‘did he seriously just say...’ and is kind of staring at the culprit in shock and awe.

i know that’s what’s happening, because this is not the first time we’ve seen him react like this to something jensen has said. the classic head whip. a few examples, just off the top of my head:

1. ‘he has, hasn’t he?’ 

2. ‘he sounds like that in the morning’ ‘how do you know’ 

3. when he whips his head around when he notices jensen’s face(and instantly understands when he realizes it’s misha)

so yeah, i’m sure you get it by now. jared can’t really keep it off of his face. there’s no real analyzing to be done here...it’s just an obvious tell on his part. there’s no real reason for him to have reacted this way if jensen was saying something inconspicuous, is there? he would have continued to just kind of space out if jensen hadn’t just said something jarringly questionable. 

as for jensen’s body language, i can’t really tell where he’s looking from either angle of both videos i’ve seen. sometimes it seems like he’s looking straight at jared, and maybe nods at him once, but he could also(and is most likely) looking at the fan who asked the question. i don’t think there’s anything particularly telling about his body language because i think he rehearsed his answer in his head and also, he’s not shying away because he’s not lying about anything. like...everything he’s saying is true, so he’s not going to have any tells. and it’s the fact that he is TELLING THE TRUTH that is freaking jared out.

now for what he actually says. because oh my god. 

right off the bat, he says “i kind of feel like there’s two types of people..” and first off, what? what does that even mean? if you think of it in terms of ‘this is about daneel and only daneel’....isn’t this a realllyyyyy strange thing to start out with? objectively? the question that was asked to him was ‘how did you know they were the one?’ and he goes ‘actually there’s TWO types of people’ ...like, jensen never answers the question at hand. 

and then he goes “in regards to marriage and the one”. i hope i’m not the only one who noticed he said the words ‘the one’ in a resentful and kind of degrading tone? seriously, listen to it again. he seems like he’s almost mocking that sentiment. i swear i’m not making it up, it really sounds like that to me. 

and then he says “-it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you.” *NON TINHAT VERSION OF EVENTS* what he could mean, i guess, is he was both scared to be with daneel but also knew she was the one for him. which....ok. alright. *TINHAT BACK ON* first off, there’s absolutely no risk with daneel. that’s not a judgement, because i love her; it’s just true. she’s a pretty, talented, amazing woman and they are very much in love. i’m not sure what risks he’s taking there. next up: pretty strange wording then, don’t you think? idk, if it were you, and you wanted to get that point across, wouldn’t you use words like ‘she both scared me and i knew i wanted to be with her at the same time’ and NOT this convoluted mess of ‘there’s two types of people and they are both drastically different but also one and the same’? 

SECOND OF ALL, as many people have pointed out.....he never uses pronouns. this is strange. jared does. jared says gen’s name, even. and uses ‘she’ and ‘her’. jensen never once does that, he practically refuses to do so. and yes, i fully believe it is entirely intentional.

because if you look at this phrase from a cockles lens it makes more sense then if you do not. 

the one that jensen knows, unequivocally, with the utmost certainty, is the one for him, no doubts, no risks; is daneel. the one that he doesn’t know about, is scared of being with, but is willing to take that leap of faith anyway; is misha. and all of a sudden the puzzle pieces fall into place.

because he goes on to say “I kind of find myself in between both of those.” 

he doesn’t say ‘i find myself in between both of those...with her.’ nope. he’s just...in between. caught in the middle. of those two types of people. translation: of those two people. mish. dee. 

“And it can be a scary endeavour, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, but I think it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey...” 

every single one of those words can be applied to more than one person. think about it. bond(between three people). connection(between three people). friendship(between three people!!!). there’s no ‘partnership’ in here, which does only apply to two people. 

lastly, “i’m glad i picked the partner and the teammate that i have.”

ok, look. you can easily say that it’s just one person he’s talking about here! of course you can. but this is jensen ackles we’re talking about. jensen ‘rock and pebble’ ackles. jensen ‘mish. dee.’ ackles. so yes. i definitely think that ‘the partner and the teammate’ fall into this category. and i think daneel is the partner and misha is the teammate. 

to put it matter-of-factly: you simply cannot prove that this isn’t about a poly relationship. there is absolutely nothing he says that makes it obvious he is talking about one person here. because he isn’t. 

i just feel like, in the simplest terms, if this were about only daneel, that he would not be using these weird phrases that are half-hidden truths. just to compare, i watched another panel where pretty much the exact same question was asked, minus the whole ‘the one’ debacle, and, just as i suspected, it was an entirely different answer. he talks about the moment where he knew he liked her. her, specifically. says the name daneel. gushes about her. there’s no tiptoeing and weird pronoun usage and vague terminology. 

tl; dr : i think he answered the question this way because there is no ‘the one’ in his life. and he is physically incapable of leaving misha out when talking about ‘the one’ because he has TWO ‘the ones’. and he wants to answer the question to the best of his best ability, but lying is unnatural to him. he will talk about daneel at length and misha at length, but i honestly to my core don’t think you could make him choose between the two. oh! and we literally had confirmation all the way back in fucking 2016, we just never paid attention until now. so......thanks, jensen?

sorry, this got super long, but i hope i warned you well enough. 

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

[swynlake-spill]

Boba, please bully some of our shyer residents into posting selfies! I am dying for some Rarer Insta Content.

ok i’ll try here we go 

@vixey-chakraborty KEEP THE COW CONTENT COMING BUT ALSO LET UR OWN NATURAL RADIANCE SHINE!!! I LOVE U PLEASE IM ASKING SO NICELY BUT ALSO VERY LOUDLY SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR 

@rikuxnakayama sir  i cannot keep buying overpriced coffee from [name redacted] just for the ten seconds of eye contact we have i simply do not make enough money have pity on me and POST 

@vitani-blackwell u arent really shy so i dont understand how you are not posting daily thirst traps i have seen your body and therefore seen god please RESUME REGULAR CONTENT 

@melody-the-unwritten typing ur username just now made me cry. :( melody i MISS YOu. melody i dont think u understand u could be miss swynlake if u wanted... this is your YEAR

@princess-ting-ting you post extremely quality pics of your fish and family jigsaw puzzles and stuff and thats valid and good plz dont stop but also you are the qin i respect in this world and i think you deserve to be told how beautiful u are js 

@littlelectriceelduh ur mysterious and look like the boy my mum warned me about. plz indulge my worst desires and help me star in my very own all time low pop punk fantasy 

@arista-the-musical BLASPHEMY that i am tagging a triton wtf did your sisters teach u!! arista when i say that i believe if you post selfies tagged #stopglobalwarming that it could maybe inspire a movement im not even being hyperbolic i think the power is in your hands and you should use it 

@cinderellaashbourne HONEY PLEASE COME HOME tiana as her roommate why are you not instilling in ella the confidence needed to become a powerhouse insta mom im just saying she could build an empire off her smile 

@babettexdurand seeing u makes me go  🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 sincerely do not think there are words... 

@evil--endeavors you want to be taken seriously as a business woman, totally fair! however, fourth wave feminism said stuff about idk owning ur sexuality or-- nvm dont do it for me do it for the young LESBIANS. also kick me in the face :) 

@one-lucky-lad small confession...i have a crush on this darling I KNOW I KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING however i am not immune to the specific charms of his beautiful blue eyes. im just saying haha what if we kissed 

@tink-bell tink used to post all the time but then she got her heart broken or something and i just think she needs to build up all that very valid fierce tink bell confidence she was famous for!! tink PLEASE give me the bed selfie i know you have! txt me u up ;) ? ask me to netflix and chill! also post on instagram obviously! 

@sanmononoke what is going on with this person real talk besides ofc being very hot as per swynlake’s hotness requirement. idk if she has an instagram. bet she’d post like feet pics and shit like that. think that we need a little bit of that spice in swynlake dont you!!! 

@moon-yeongjun frankly it is a crime that we are all collectively robbed of the journey that would be jun moon instagram experience. if you dont think he’s hot you’re lying to yourself!! new rule every time jun posts a petition he owes us a selfie its only fair idk im once again putting tiana to the task of making that happen

@notmuchofatail he’s been posting more lately but it is not enough for me. gregory eeyore is my past present and future. like im in love with him is what im saying. 

@a-merman-not-a-guppy stop pretending like you’re not a handsome lad its EMBARRASSING. what is the point also of designing ur own clothes if you arent putting up your wares on instagram. again this is just common sense i cannot believe im giving this immaculate advice for free. 

@notbad-justsungthatway again she posts decently but i think she should post more bc she is easily in the ten hottest people ever in swynlake. its a fact not an opinion and we’d all feel a lot calmer if she was active daily on instagram

@pinkpearlpark the coolest of the teens!! i need her to post so she can teach ME how to post. like idk what im doing teach me the ways of being an attractive rich cool person miss park! 

@bucktoothed--ice-prince again idk whats going on here he’s this very mysterious stranger who blew into town out of nowhere. maybe going without an instagram is the whole point but i would rather write dumb things on ur posts tbh

@trickster-knownas-pan AND A THIRD person who i know nothing about. maybe i am just nosy but also you are hot so you owe me something thats how survival of the fittest works maybe !!!!!!! i failed science three times!!!! 

@devyn-morey lol i know he posts a lot but obviously! obviously! 

@geehosaphat on the other hand martin has two posts on his instagram maybe and thats abysmal. martin you do realize you’re like. hot right. i mean it like you could be in a magazine. you’re hot. take off your shirt sometime maybe if you’re comfortable so you can flaunt it! 

@winndeavor again i know ur a serious business person who has a certain brand to maintain. on the other hand: you have abs. much to think about i know. 

@hclyghcst DISGUSTING that you could win jewel of the season or w/e and then disappear from my life. you owe me like ten selfies at this point! you’re cute kind and a good friend to people in your life! fuck im obsessed with u!! 

@vvinter-queen and now we shout out to her sister ANNA to help her. anna how is it that u have a moderately thriving bookstagram and yet elsa has no idea what a filter is. intervene. fix it. she’s beautiful. imagine how much ice cream u will sell. 

@gleamdncglow u dont have to post bc it might actually piss me off considering how pretty you are. but if you want to i guess (please please please please please please) 

@gabriella-marino you know what’s the best way to get to know ppl in town and make friends! yeah ur right, its thirst traps on instagram! i think you’re so cute on a serious note please tell me more about u...maybe in the captions on your thirst trap for instagram! 

@edwardandalasia honestly just curious how it would go if someone showed edward who is maybe suffering from some textbook case of amnesia how instagram works. you also have the best skin ive ever seen. send me ur tips. ok thank u!!!

[on-stand-bi-help]

So I this are just a bunch of texts that I sent my cousin and I thought why not post it on Tumblr as well!

Please do not take this seriously this is just some really bad comedy. Hope you enjoy. (Also this does have swear words and I mean a lot of swear words so you have been warned.)

Ok I haven’t edit this at all so sorry for my grammar and sorry if this doesn’t make sense

So a new MLB episode came out and it’s a special? Idk to be honest but here are my thoughts cause I want you to watch it! So there is a fucking new intro! It reminds me of the old Barbie movies intros not gonna lie but I guess it’s kinda cool.

Ok so their flying abilities or powers or whatever look really weird and I don’t like them. Alya showing the camera back and forth gave me a headache.

Ok but Ladybugs knowing about roses and their meanings gives me fanfic vibes not gonna lie. Chat trying his best too whoo Ladybug and respecting their boundaries (which she made by the way) freaking adorable not gonna lie. Chat being flustered fuck I just realized how much I missed him. Ugh Ladybug’s soft look and as soon as she leaves Chat’s soft look fuck they are adorable omg. Ok Chat saying that he needs to give himself some flowers cause he is amazing. 100% agree 10/10 you deserve it. TREAT YO SELF!

Ugh definitely did not miss Marinette’s obsession with Adrien omg. She’s really trying to lie to tikki bro you’re with her all the time. You can’t lie to her plus she’s been alive since the beginning of the universe and you’re telling me you are honestly trying to lie to her. God damnit Marinette you are such a dumbass.

LMAO THE STUDENT FILM OH MY FUCKING GOD!! THAT’S SO FUNNY!

God damn I saw on tumblr people comparing Draco to Chloe and I’m like bro Draco is a meme and a great character. Chloe is a bitch who is so fucking annoying.

OMG THE TEACHER IS PREGNANT ALL SHE HAD TO SAY WAS I HAVE MEDICAL EXAMS AND I KNEW!!! FUCKKKK YESSSS A RED HEADED BABY!!!

Can you imagine there is a whole episode where the class has to take care of the baby (for whatever reason) and all of them freaking out cause this baby is too precious and Alya coming in and saving the day and being like guys calm down. It’s all good. Nino fucking going soft trying to help Alya as best as he can. Marinette and Adrien never doing this before so both of them are super flustered and nervous! God I WOULD LITERALLY KILL FOR THAT EPISODE NOW HOLY SHIT!!!

Ok damn Kim really ain’t holding back like chill dude. He really just told the principal that the science teacher isn’t cool. You tell that to your friends not the fucking principal. You dumbass.

LILA IS HERE FUCK!!! God not only do I have to deal with Chloe’s bullshit but Lila’s too omg. Ok idk if it’s the website that I’m watching it in but their voices sound weird and I hope it’s just the website and not the actual episode.

Marinette shut the fuck up ADRIEN WAS TALKING BITCH!!! YOU INTERRUPTED HIM!!! Lmao nice save Marinette talking about the film to distract everyone from the fact that you like Adrien. GOD DAMNIT ADRIEN’S SOFT LOOK FUCK!!! HE LOVES HER SO MUCH BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW IT YET OMG!!! GOD DAMN!!! Lmao Lila’s face! Yeah fuck you Lila! Bitchass!

So Marinette is telling everyone that she is over Adrien. Alya isn’t falling for this bullshit! Love that. Marinette, why are you lying just ask them to help you move on. Like I can see the effort but I don’t understand why you are lying about it if you aren’t completely over him. Like bruh. ALEX REALLY SAID “No kidding” to when Marinette said that she was acting crazy. YES ALEX QUEEN! CALL HER OUT! Marinette saying that she just wants to be friends with him and not in love with him. (ARE WE FINALLY GETTING THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THAT WE ALL DESERVE HOLY SHIT IM LIVING!) Nope nvm she’s still on her bullshit. Did Alya just say that if Marinette will be ok with her and Adrien going to New York together because it may be too romantic. Like Bitch YOU GUYS LIVE IN PARIS! I'M SURE SHE WILL BE FINE!

FUCK YOU GABRIEL!! DIDN’T MISS YOU AT ALL YOU FUNKY ASS BITCH!!!

BRUH ANOTHER MIRACULOUS FOR REAL!!!

DAMN! Lmao Marinette trying to look tough that’s so funny to me! Who you trying to scare bitch cause you ain’t fooling anyone. Bruh Gabriel really friendzoned Marinette for Adrien lmao! Omg I love that. Fuck. I hate Gabriel so much.

I DIDN’T KNOW KIGMA WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS EPISODE!! YAY! EW WTF DID SHE JUST KISS HIM! ARE YOU KIDDING! WAIT WHEN DID THEY GET TOGETHER!! WTF! I DON’T REMEMBER THIS!

Marinette you are so annoying. Where’s Ladybug?! SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER! HOLY SHIT IT’S LADYBUG! OK BUT THAT SCENERY LOOKS SO ROMANTIC! Wait yeah both of them are going to New York like who is going to protect the city?! Oh shit nvm I’m a dumbass hawk moth is going too. Lmao! I’m an idiot! Ok BUT THAT WEIRD BUTTON THING IS ADORABLE OMG!!! AWWW! LIKE WTF!! I WANT ONE! BRUH HOW CAN SHE NOT LIKE CHAT NOIR WTF IS WRONG WITH HER!!! GODAMNIT!

Gabriel really said Surprise bitch to Adrien lmao. Damn poor Gorilla. I can’t believe he still doesn’t have a fucking name godamnit. Lmao I love plagg. Ew god damnit fuck you GABRIEL!

OMG LUKAAAAA! Marinette fucking date him already wtf. He is literally biking your stupid ass to catch up to the bus. GOD LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Marinette you always fucking ruin the moment fuck you. Fuck you. AGAIN LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Luka honey no don’t look at her like that you deserve better. Flashback to the perks of being a wallflower quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve” FUCK YOU BRAIN WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THIS!!

ALYA IS A TRUE FRIEND!!! Bro my friends would be laughing their ass off and making funny faces at the window instead of asking the teachers to stop the bus. HE WAS CARRYING HER SUITCASE TOO OMG! BRO LUKA HAS SOME STRONG ASS LEGS LIKE DAMN!!! Luka then says, “You know what’s important Marinette, that this trip gives you some clarity.” PLEASE GOD THAT SHE FALLS FOR CAT NOIR!!! PLEASE THAT SHE STARTS LIKING HIM!!! PLEASE! BITCH WHY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK OMG WHY?! He likes you and you decide to kiss him on the cheek. Bro you are just making him fall for you more. Goddammit you are an idiot.

Bruh one look at Adrien and she becomes a tomato god damn. Am I being hard on Marinette cause she reminds me of me. NO WTF!!! Shut up! (At least I’m not a stalker or someone who gets obsessed with my crush in obnoxious ways.)

FUCK YOU CHLOE WE DIDNT WANT YOU TO COME YOU STUPID HOEEE!!!

I JUST REALIZED THIS IS A MOVIE!!! 12 minutes in and I just realized this is a movie. I AM AN IDIOT!!! God I’m so dumb lol. Ok this animation not gonna lie is kinda good.

He really yelled at Marinette in front of everybody in a plane huh. That’s so funny. Also he sounded like such a jock like wtf was that. Lmao Alya and Nino just looking at them like yessss our ship!!! (Alya and Nino are such a mood) This movie is literally like a fucking fan fiction. Adrien, “Oh yeah you’re sitting next to me!” Marinette fucking panicking. Omg this is literally a fanfic. I can’t! I love this omg. I LOVE ALYA SO MUCH OMG!!! Did Marinette just call Adrien her husband. YOU’RE LIKE 14 SHUT UP!!! PLEASE!!! How can you confuse husband with friend. Ok this just confirms that Marinette constantly daydreams to herself and tells herself that Adrien is her husband. Girl, GIRL YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM VERY WELL. SHE’S NOT EVEN IN LOVE SHE’S JUST FASCINATED WITH THE IDEA OF HIM. Ugh this is why I don’t like the idea of Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Adrien being together. Like she barely knows him and she counts that as love. Jesus. Lmao Gorilla has and will always ship Marinette and Adrien together. You can not change my mind.

Brooo if Marinette had a penis she would definitely have gotten a boner when Adrien fell on her. WHY IS MARINETTE LIKE THIS?! (Ok yes if my crush not that I have one but if I did I would probably do all the shit she is doing but I wouldn’t run away I would fucking just be in shock and freeze. Probably idk. THIS IS GIVING ME TO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ACT NORMAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.) Did Alya just say that “New York is the most romantic place in the world!” AGAIN YOU LIVE IN PARIS!!! OH SHIT NVM. I paused it too soon. She continues by saying, “After Paris obviously.” Ok my bad. Ok are we talking about the same New York cause New York isn’t that romantic. Then again what do I know. Marinette FUCK YOU!!! YOU COULD HAVE SAT WITH ADRIEN AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FUCKING PRINCIPLE. Lmao this is giving me fucking Spider-Man Far From Home flashbacks. Bro Adrien looks so disappointed. FUCK YOU MARINETTE! Bro gorilla is such a mood. Putting a 10 for both having a fear of flying and for needing relaxation. Wait why doesn’t he have eyebrows? I just realized that. I mean I knew but like I didn’t realize idk if that makes sense.

Dude the principal sleeping on Marinette THAT HAPPENED IN FAR FROM HOME!!! Wait a damn minute in Far From Home Peter lives in New York and goes somewhere in Europe (I forgot where) AND MARINETTE LIVES IN FRANCE AND SHE GOES TO NEW YORK!!! Not only that but these are both superhero movies and they are both in love with someone except here Marinette is trying to get over Adrien while Peter Parker was trying to win over MJ. OK SOMEONE ON THE CREATIVE TEAM LITERALLY WATCHED FAR FROM HOME AND SAID YES LET’S DO THIS BUT THE OPPOSITE. I CAN’T THIS IS SO FUNNY!

AWWWW Alya and Nino sleeping on each other IS EVERYTHING!!! I SHIP THEM SO MUCH!!! IVAN AND MYLENE TOO!!! THEY REALLY WANT TO KILL ME HUH!? WAIT ROSE AND JUELKA FUCK YESSS THE GAYS ARE WINNING!!! MY MULTISHIPPER HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH POWER ALL IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Dude I literally thought she said shit for a second I WAS LIKE WHAT?! But she said shoot. I really hope that’s not toilet water on her shirt. MARINETTE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN? OR TOILET PAPER ON YOUR HAIR?! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THERE?!

Awww the sunset is so pretty. And Adrien is going to come in 3 2 1. Right on time. Adrien, “It's beautiful isn’t it?” I’m expecting Marinette to say, “Yeah but so are you.” and immediately regretting afterwards. Nvm she trips on him instead. Should have seen that coming. Ok now they are looking out the window again. This frame would be so cute if she didn’t have that stupid Toilet paper in her hair. Bruh Adrien just stands next to her and doesn’t even mention the Toilet paper on her hair. Adrien be like, “Yup just me and my fashionista friend Marinette looking at the window. Oh she has a piece of toilet paper in her hair. Damn must be a new trend I don’t know about. That’s kinda sus cause I am a model but whatever she knows more about fashion then I do so it’s all good.” (Not an actual quote.) Damn Alya and Nino ship them so much. Ok but what a mood!

Adrien says, “You're always willing to take a chance on something or someone even when no one else is.” Yeah bruh it’s because she is ladybug, I mean come on how do you not realize. Adrien really smirked at her whole shit! Adrien continues by saying, “You got something Marinette.” Marinette asks, “Something?” WAIT HOLD UP ISN’T HE DATING KAGAMI!!! WAIT IS MARINETTE A HOMEWRECKER!!! I’m kidding. Ok not really. Wait is Adrien a cheater like what?! Adrien continues by saying, “Yeah there in your hair.” He grabs the fucking piece of toilet paper. I LITERALLY FORGOT IT WAS THERE AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING!!! GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!

Alya is a mood, “I can’t decide if they are the cutest people I know or the most embarrassing.” Literally me whenever I watch Miraculous ladybug. Also this literally sounds like something fanfic Alya would say. Not canon Alya. But I really love how they let Alya say that. Good call team! Omg Nino continues with, “Yeah I love Adrien but he is like a baby chick that just started cracking out of his egg he has a hard time understanding the signals people send them.” THIS LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE A FANFIC AND I LOVE IT!!! OMG!!! I LOVE OPERATION NEW YORK OMG!!! YESSSSSSSS!!! ALYA AND NINO ARE LITERALLY OUR SAVIORS!!! GOD DAMN I LOVE THEM!!! ADRIEN HUGGED HER AWWWWW!!! I LOVE HIM!

THERE’S ANOTHER SUPER VILLAIN WTF!!! He really wants to kill the people huh. I mean he must be pure evil cause he literally is tearing the airplane apart. He really said: There's tons of people in this airplane huh. Welp I really need this technology so I guess they have to die!

DUDE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL? I can’t tell if she is a robot or a superhero! MAYBE BOTH!!! ALYA IS SUCH A SUPERHERO NERD I LOVE HER!!! OK this other girl superhero is literally captain marvel. She’s not Majestia (idk if that’s how you spell it) nah she’s captain marvel. LMAO WHEN CAPTAIN MARVEL MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE MLB MOVIE AND DOESN’T HAVE THE AUDACITY TO HELP OUT PETER PARKER IN HIS FIELD TRIP!! DAMN!!! SHE REALLY SAID FUCK YOU PETER! MLB FANDOM NEEDS ME MORE THAT YOU DO!! LIKE GURL PETER IS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN CAUSE HIS 3rd father figure died!!! Then again she is saving an airplane fool of people but I’m sure you could have made a quick stop to give Peter some advice but whatever.

God I hate the principal.

CAPTAIN MARVEL REALLY SAID I HAVE TO SAVE MY ROBOT WIFE FROM THAT BOMB!! And she fucking blew the bomb away from her face. DUDE THERE IS SO MANY NEW SUPERHEROES HOLY CRAP!!! Ok including the Captain Marvel and the robot there’s 2 more but that’s more than Paris soooooo. WAIT CAPTAIN MARVEL JUST CALLED HER ROBOT DARLING!!! I was joking, I didn’t think they were together. OK I SHIP IT! Captain Marvel, “Are you alright darling?” (Giving me Spinderella and Netasha vibes not gonna lie) STOPPED IT TOO SOON!!! ROBOT JUST CALLED CAPTAIN MARVEL HER MOTHER!!! ABORT ABORT SHIP!!! I regret making all the comments that I just have made. So ignore them. I no longer ship them. Aw they have such a quote MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP!!! They are hugging each other. Adorable.

Bruh Adrien and Marinette are talking openly to plagg and tikki like could you guys be more obvious. Like shut up.

So apparently there’s a superhero for everything in USA. Um I wish if there was USA wouldn’t be as shitty as it is now.

I love Nino and Alya, that's all I’m going to say.

Also the superheros have a code word for the French students and it’s literally ‘the little croissants’ I LOVE THAT OMG!!! WHO CAME UP WITH THAT CODE CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!”

Ok turns out Robot girl can actually turn into a regular girl. SO THAT’S COOL!

How is it possible that Adrien and Marinette can’t figure out how the doors work like what?! Ok why the fuck is Adrien constantly catching Marinette every time she falls. Like he isn’t even close to her and he fucking races and catches her. Right he obviously doesn’t like her. Yup I definitely believe that bullshit.

Lmao the robot girl took one look at dumbass Marinette and stupidass Adrien and said, “Those 2 are made for each other.” That’s so funny. Ok robot girl is friends with a girl that has some weird ass earrings (dare I say lesbian). And they both are in school so I’m pretty sure they are the same age. SO I SHIP THEM!!! Grumpy girlfriend and super happy robot girlfriend. ADORABLE!

Lmao they are already going to a party bruh. They just got off of a plane and they almost died. And you’re telling me that they aren’t slightly jet lagged or even a little tired. Bruh come on.

DAMN SABRINA IS GONNA GET A LOVE INTEREST OKKKKKKKK!!! He literally winked at her and she went bright red. DAMN GURL GET IT!!! CHLOE FUCK OFF!!! SABRINA IS GONNA GO FLIRT WITH THE GUY AND NOT BE YOUR STUPID ASSISTANT!!! FUCK YOU!!! GOD DAMNIT CHLOE, SABRINA, MARINETTE AND ALYA ARE ROOMATES BRUHHHHH!!! (And they were roommates- OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES NOT NOW BRAIN PLEASE)

Bro the teacher looks at the hallway and nods cause she notices that all the lights are off in the room and no one is talking and she leaves. And immediately all the doors open and everyone is sneaking off to the party. BROOO THIS REMINDS ME OF NHI LOL!!! So the teacher suddenly pops out and asks what’s that noise and they all go into different rooms. The teacher doesn’t notice. And of course Marinette goes into the room with Adrien but on accident, and for a second I thought she was touching his pee pee but no she was just touching his lower stomach lol. They both look at each other and Marinette gets flustered and Adrien smiles softly at her. And she immediately gets away from him and they end up in the same room as ROBOT GIRL AND HER LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND!!! Robot girl is shipping them so hard while her girlfriend is glaring at them.

HER GIRLFRIEND CAN PLAY GUITAR YESSSSS!!!

SABRINA GO TO THE PARTY PLEASE!!! DITCH CHLOE!!! FLIRT WITH THE AMERICAN!!! THE AMERICAN IS FUCKING STANDING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!!! WAITING FOR HER OMG!!! He takes her hand AND TAKES HER TO THE ROOF PARTY!!! FUCK I SHIP THEM SO HARD!!!

Omg the dialogue in this movie is fucking amazing. Marinette says, “Is it a bird?” Adrien, “Is it a plane?” Sabrina’s soon to be boyfriend, “No IT’S HOT DOG DAN!” Like bitch why is the hot dog cart flying like wtf?! Dude is this how French people see Americans because you know what?! THAT SOUNDS about right. If USA ever gets superhero’s we PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A SUPERHERO WHO SERVES FUCKING HOT DOGS!!! Damn this movie is pretty fucking realistic. The Americans are fucking thirsty for some hot dogs they literally run over Adrien and Marinette like damn ok yes a lot of Americans like hot dogs but we aren’t animals. Turns out the hot dogs are magical. ROSE LITERALLY GOT SUPER STRENGTH AND WAS ABLE TO LIFT UP IVAN!!! QUEEN!!! AW Sabrina got long ass hair like Rapunzel but it’s brown for some reason.

There’s 2 hot dogs left and Nino take initiative and pays for the hot dog and says, “Not a problem. My girl and I can have one and you 2 can have the other.” Damn this really is a fanfic huh. Then again I doubt a fanfic would have them sharing a fucking magical hot dog. Lol! This movie is nuts. They ate the hot dogs (nvm they took a bite of the hotdog and they dropped it on the floor) and they started floating. They grab hands and they are trying not to freak out.

Meanwhile ALYA AND NINO ALL THE FUCKING GET IS THESE HIGH PITCHED VOICES LIKE BRUH. Also Nino ships them so much omg! BRUH HOT DOG DAN EVEN SHIPS THEM! I mean he doesn’t say anything he just looks at them and smiles.

Omg Alya asked Robot’s girlfriend to set the mood with a song! And Robot’s girlfriend is like yeah sure thing. This movie is surreal.

THE SONG IS LITERALLY THE SONG THAT THEY DANCED TOO AT CHLOE’S PARTY OMG!!! I can’t believe I remembered that.

Bruh Adrien literally just repeated what I typed. HE JUST ASKED MARINETTE IF SHE COULD DANCE WITH HIM!!! They are floating and the moon is shining bright on them (Nice job Yue; setting the scene for us I see) and he extends his hand. She starts floating backwards cause she’s freaking out (What a surprise 😒). He grabs her hand and brings her closer to him. WHAT FANFIC AUTHOR WAS ABLE TO GET A FUCKING HIGH BUDGET TO MAKE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE THIS DOESNT FEEL LIKE AN MLB EPISODE!!!

ALSO Marinette is looking at Adrien in a way that makes her look like a Tim burton cartoon character lol. SHE FINALLY GIVES IN AND DANCES WITH HIM IN FRONT OF THE MOON!!! (They aren’t even dancing to be honest they are literally just hugging each other really closely and spinning) BUT ITS ADORABLE SO I FORGIVE THEM!

Lmao they zoom out of the roof party and you just see in the fucking corner Kim and some other dude having a push-up contest. They showed that in the beginning when Alya, Nino, Marinette and Adrien were entering the party. I just wasn’t expecting that in this whole time Kim and the other guy still continued the push-up contest omg. (This is the first 29 minutes and my hand is tired sooo I’m not gonna write anymore)

If anyone wants me to continue I will but I doubt anybody is going to see this post so yeah! Anyway if someone actually read this PROPS TO YOU DUDE!!! HOPE I DIDNT WASTE YOUR TIME!!! HAVE A GOOD YEAR!!!

Edit: I think Robot girl and girl with weird earrings are sisters soooooo I don’t ship them anymore. (I’m honestly really confused are they siblings or not?!)

[just-random-obsessions]

Funny Moments In Thor The Dark World

Find Thor 1 here

Find Avengers 1 here

This is the second part of me watching all three thor movies and the avengers movie and comparing the humor pre-ragnarok to the humor in the 3rd Thor movie. And, as before, I’m writing this on my computer where the I and U keys don’t work so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Tag List: @nikkoliferous @fyrecrafted @lokijiro @miskiett @darthxerik @icyxmischief @iamanartichoke @juliabohemian @official-and-unstable-satan @melodylnoelle @just-another-human-2019 @fandomsfanfiction @mentallydatingahotcelebrity @cateyes315 @burningarbiterheart @imnotacreepijustlikeyou @usedtobegoodfriend96 @alexakeyloveloki

Official-and-unstable-satan and fandomsfanfiction weren’t tagged sry

Anyone who wants to be added/removed to the tag list please let me know! and if I missed someone please also let me know. Sorry this post is so long

~ “Hello Mother. Have I made you proud?”

~ “Please don’t make things worse” “Define worse”

~ “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about”

~ “Just like you”

~ *That smile!!!!*

~ “I’ve got this completely under control!” “Is that why everything’s on fire?”

~ *About the Scary MonsterTM: “All yours”

~ *Thor says hi to the Big Scary MonsterTM*

~ “I accept your surrender”

~ “Anyone else?” *All the people simultaneously: NOPE*

~ “Perhaps next time we should START with the big one”

~ *Odin obviously shipping Thor and Jane* (idk I got a kick out of this)

~ *Jane awkwardly avoiding her date*

~ *Date: hi*

~ *Him awkwardly talking about his ex*

~ “And the fact that she kept sleeping with other men” “NO!”

~ *Darcy being mistaken for a waitress*

~ *Darcy mouthing “Cute” to Jane about Richard*

~ *Darcy embarrassing Jane by talking about Thor*

~ “Is there a point to all of this cause there REALLY needs to be a point to all of this”

~ “That’s what I said!”

~ “That’s what I did!”

~ “He’s not interested” “I’m interested” (Am I the only one who feels like his awkwardness was actually kinda cute?)

~ “He’s my intern.” “You have an intern?”

~ *Intern is fucking adorable like Richard*

~ “I have totally mastered driving in London!” *Has not mastered it at all*

~ *Selvig running around Stonehenge naked*

~ *Darcy keeps calling Ian ‘Intern’*

~ *Darcy calls Jane cause she didn’t wanna shout*

~ God I fucking love Darcy she’s so criminally underrated

~ “I am not getting stabbed in the name of science”

~ “It’s okay, we’re Americans!” “Is that supposed to make them like us?”

~ “We’re scientists-well I am” “Thanks”

~ “That doesn’t seem right”

~ “I wanna throw something! Jane give me your shoe!”

~ *Jane ignores Darcy*

~ “Give me your shoe”

~ “Were those the car keys?”

~ *Ian’s face when he realizes he threw the car keys to another planet*

~ *If you have to bury so many people then you’re doing something wrong you hot dumb fuck* (I mean that’s basically what Heimdall said right?)

~ “Typical” *after being left behind while Jane goes to talk to her boyfriend*

~ *Jane! Love of my life and most talented and beautiful person in the world oh how I love yo-SLAP*

~ “As excuses go, its not terrible”

~ “I know” “You do?” “Do what?”

~ *Darcy interrupts the KissTM*

~ “Um I’m pretty sure we are getting arrested”

~ “How’s space?” “Space is fine”

~ “He’s my intern… My intern’s intern”

~ “Holy shit!” (after Jane went up in the Bifrost)

~ *Heimdall calmly dodges the car*

~ “We have to do that again”

~ “Hello”

~ “What’s that?”

~ “It’s a soul forge” *No I’m pretty sure that’s a quantum field generator*

~ *Jane being ready to fight Odin for comparing her to a goat*

~ “You told your dad about me?”

~ “It must be so inconvenient, them asking about me day and night”

~ “Please meet my mother” *Jane shies away from Thor*

~ Loki casually tossing the thingamajig in the air like the cute little shit he is

~ Lord, he’s so damn pretty

~ *Kurse being like: Lol I ain’t touchin’ that boy with a ten foot pole*

~ “It’s as if they resent being in prison”

~ “There’s no pleasing some creatures”

~ *Loki calmly reading a book while all Hel breaks loose*

~ “You have my word that no harm will come to yo-” nvm bitch die

~ *THAT look between Sif and Jane*

~ *Frigga immediately seeing through Odin’s bs lies*

~ *Heimdall: I have defeated the big space ship!! The bigger one behind him: Bitch you thought*

~ “WITCH!!!!” *Now I know who Loki gets his amazing aforementioned smile from*

~ *Selvig using shoes to explain complicated science*

~ *Selvig then using pencils*

~ “Any questions?” “Yeah, can I have my shoe back?”

~ “What’s SHIELD?” “It’s a secret”

~ *Darcy’s cute af face when she sees that Selvig is in the mental hospital*

~ “Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather punch your way out?”

~ *Loki shapeshifting into the guard*

~ “Mmm Brother, you look ravishing”

~ “Costumes a bit much”

~ “So tight!”

~ “I can FEEL the righteousness surging!!”

~ “HEY wanna have a rousing discussion about truth?”

~ “Honor?”

~ “Patriotism?”

~ “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

~ “At last. A little common sens-”Bitch are you really fucking kidding me? (What do you mean that’s not what he said?)

~ “I thought you liked tricks”

~ “I’m Loki, you may have heard of-” SLAP

~ “That was for New York”

~ “I like her”

~ *Loki gazing lovingly at Jane in the background*

~ “Betray him, and I’ll kill you.” “It’s good to see you too Sif”

~ “If you even think about betraying him-” “You’ll kill me? Evidently there will be a line”

~ “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.” “I said how hard can it be?”

~ “Whatever your doing brother I suggest you do it faster.” “Shut up Loki

~ “You must’ve missed something.” “I didn’t, I’m pressing every button on this thing”

~ “Well don’t hit it. Just press it, gently.” “I aM pReSsInG iT gEnTlY AND ITS NOT WORKING!!!”

~ *Thor starts slamming buttons and it starts working*

~ *Volstagg: Oh fighting is much fun- OH SHIT IM FALLING!! HELP!!!*

~ “I think you missed a column.” “Shut up”

~ “Why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the best pilot”

~ *Bitch I’m the one who can actually fly*

~ “Oh dear. Is she dead?”

~ *Thor knocks over a column* “Not a word”

~ “Now they’re following us”

~ “Now they’re firing at us”

~ “Yes thank you for the commentary Loki, it’s not at all distracting”

~ “Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather”

~ *Seriously, whoever wrote the escape scene is a genius!!!*

~ *Loki yelling at Thor about how thIs was a bad idea you dumb fuck- wait wtf are you doing AAAAHHHHH!!!!1*

~ “You lied to me. I’m impressed”

~ *That smile again snfnejaihfeqrqrsbdsalxdjewonjfeq*

~ “For Asgard!” YEET

~ “Nothing personal boys!”

~ “If it were easy, everyone would do it”

~ “Are you mad?” “Possibly”

~ “TADAAA”

~ “Oh yeah, my father. Eric Selvig”

~ “And these” “yeah… those”

~ “How did you find me?” “You were naked on television”

~ “I don’t get paid enough. I don’t get paid at all”

~ “What’s happening? Birds? Birds are happening?”

~ “All right are you ready?” “I am”

~ *phone rings* “It’s not me”

~ “Why are there so many shoes in here?”

~ “I’ll just text her”

~ “So who’s Richard?”

~ *Thor hanging his hammer on a coat hanger*

~ “Where are your pants?” “Oh he says it helps him think”

~ “Loki is dead” “Oh thank God!”

~ “Better get my pants”

~ “Do you even know what these things do?” “No” “…Neither do I”

~ “Ooh get the guy with the sword!”

~ “Oops”

~ *Ian’s high-pitched scream*

~ *Does car insurance cover My Car Was Sucked Into Another Planet Due To A Cosmic Event That Only Occurs Once Every 5000 Years or no?*

~ *Thor and Malekith fighting between worlds and poor little Mjolnir trying to keep up*

~ *The two of them against windows*

~ *AAAHHH*

~ *Awww! Look at the cute little Jotunheim monster! He’s so adorable I wanna pet him so much!’

~ *Darcy and Ian kissing after he saved her life*

~ “Darcy?” “Jane!” “Ian?” “Selvig.”

~ “Myuh Myuh!!”

~ *Thor ends up on the subway*

~ *The girl taking 50 photos*

~ *Thor and the woman colliding into eachother*

~ “I’ve come to accept your surrender”

~ *Malekith gets crushed by his own ship. Now that’s some lovely karma right there*

~ *Darcy and Ian go back to kissing*

~ “He kinda committed treason on our way out” oops

~ Jotunheim Puppy chasing birds

Wow I’m so sorry this was so long. But guess what? It’s gonna get even longer. Sorry, again.

So one of the differences between the first and second Thor movies is that Thor 2 has humor in the climax whereas Thor 1 doesn’t. This is because of the differences with who is the villain. In Thor 1, Thor is having to fight his brother. To quote Avengers, they “played together and fought together” for several millennia. Of course there’s not going to be any humor in it cause there shouldn’t be. The climax at the end of the movie isn’t supposed to be some epic battle between the forces of Good TM and Bad TM. It’s supposed to be tragic that he’s having to fight his own brother because Loki lost his mind due to so many factors. The last joke in the film is “You’re an amazon liar brother, always have been” “It’s good to have you back”. There’s nothing else till the end credit scene. That’s because Kenneth Branagh knew that this was supposed to be viewed at as being sad a hopeless, not some awesome upbeat battle.

Thor 2 on the other hand, is exactly that. Thor has known Malekith for.. what? 2 days? Maybe 3? His relationship and dynamic with Malekith is different than with his brother. To Thor, this is just another enemy attacking Asgard. And I’m not sure whether this was intentional or not (because I remember reading somewhere how Allen Taylor had a bitch of a time in the editing process so I think the movie came out different than he intended) but the lack of any personal relationship will Malekith means the film can make really funny jokes and still have it fit with the film. If anything, I might even argue that the humor helped the film to maintain a very nice positive vibe. Idk I can’t think of the right words to explain it but the jokes actually fit the film very well.

However, then we move on to Ragnarok. With Ragnarok, Thor is fighting his sister. While (just like Malekith) he has only known her for two days, that still doesn’t take away the fact that he is having to fight his sibling. And I’m not a film director but if I had the option of approaching this situation and taking it the Thor 1 route or the the Thor 2 route, I’d go with Thor 1. Because it’s actually incredibly tragic that Hela has been driven to insanity like Loki (though ok a different level) due to Odin’s shitty parenting. She is the horrible way she is because Odin made her that way. And that could’ve been an AMAZINGLY complex story with the audience feeling so much sympathy for Hela like we did with Loki in Thor 1, but the narrative just falls flat for two reasons. 1) Taika admitted he didn’t want the film to be emotionally complex so 2) The humor in the climax completely detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

Also, some side notes: Yes, this is edited from the original. I accidentally deleted everything and then had to go back and add everything back in. So I also had to re-tag people too. And I also added a bit more explanation at the end. I meant to do so when I originally posted but it never got done till now. Sry. Also sry that it’s so long

[issuedsideways]

might fuck around and make a list of tony’s alters*!! right now. why not. its hard to differentiate but i could take some stabs in the dark. ok this got long so its under a cut.

mark aside (because ive said enough about him), there’s at least the two who look young, no surprise. there’s probably at least one more young one (younger, with more focus on home/family/howard trauma) but he wouldn’t be relevant to this whole... plot, anyway. but we do see one who looks to be in boarding school, so under 15, and a slightly older one who still looks ~young, i want to say 17-20ish?? and he’s very “look how fine and okay we are! our life is awesome!” but is literally in a racing suit as if fast cars aren’t somewhere he gravitates mid breakdown. i love that for him. very in character. 

there’s also uhh. cave!tony, actively bandaged. he absolutely never left the cave, and wont. theres no... yknow. there’s no adjusting to that that’s a clean split kind of thing. i dont know how long 616 was in the cave but i’m assuming also a couple of months?? like mcu?? more than long enough to end up with a permanent split who can’t really... i mean we all know he didn’t like. get therapy. he cant reintegrate. he’s probably either the old host who “died” in the cave, or he split in that environment, but either way, he doesn’t make it out. 

there’s at least two iron man splits, the sort of... early grey one and the red&gold one are shown, and i dont know enough about early comics canon to make a guess at why they’re distinct, exactly, but i’m guessing some sort of near-death-or-actual-death event that puts a nice clean line in between them. or a team change, could be less dramatic than that? unless the grey one’s JUST the mark I, in which case nvm because the difference then is obvious. escape vs be a hero, you’d need two. notably theres not a super modern iron man split shown, i’m assuming once he stopped doing the secret identity thing that stopped being a split type he’d need, but prior to that he’d need an active, functional iron man split at all times. and he’s got at least the two. (whether or not you want to call mark an iron man split... shrugs! he’s not quite the same tho, since his job is not to pilot the suit, necessarily.) 

there’s an actively drunk one, and he’s an important split, because he’s obviously going to hold onto a lot of the desire to drink/etc. i know tony does the “keep a bottle nearby to figure out how bad he’s doing” thing but honestly that’s also a “how close is this tony” meter, imo. he’s necessary but he’s also, generally, possible to keep away. if he’s holding onto the majority of that impulse it’d be, honestly... well i think it’d look like the way tony approaches his alcoholism actually (and the whole crown meant specifically to control, yknow, hulk, in ts:im? was also clearly aimed at this one, on tony’s end.) 

we’ve got this very coherent seeming business-y tony also, who i’d peg as “The Tony Stark” -- as in, the face, the name, the one who’s “on.” especially in the early days when the “host” tony was drinking, having a split whos job is company things, PR things, etc, that’s going to go a long way. he seems like that, but i’m stabbing in the dark. i could be missing sth obvious. 

we’ve also got the one in eScape in ts:im who doesn’t show up on the page in im2020 but because the kid shows up in both, i’m really... willing to extend this to him also. he has no reason to show up re: mark anyway but he seems coherent and specific and extremely out of time. probably an old host but cut after the alcoholism spiraled out of control? since he clearly drinks without much concern. but, fwiw, he doesn’t seem to line up totally cleanly with any “real” time period, and was actively being manipulated by motherboard, so...? i dont know. 

i’d argue there’s also The One Who Died In Civil War II but he wouldn’t show up in this whole convincing-mark thing because. well. he’s “dead.” like hes in there but he’s Deactivated, so to speak. host change. 

the new tony, post-mark, is someone distinct! new host. but a shaky one so far and i think this tracks with what i’ve read of iron man vol 6 also (which is only whats on MU), tony has no idea what he wants or what he’s doing but he’s trying a bunch of things, that are all very different from what he was doing before but also falling back on things that are familiar, like hosting big parties, even when it’s incompatible with his new goals. this would track with it being a whole host-switch since pre-CWII and post-mark tony are just... not going to be the same person, imo. 

i am on the fence a little about if ts:im tony and IM vol6 tony are the same person or not, and i was leaning towards “yes” because i feel like ts:im tony didn’t have enough time to stabilize, like, there were too many breakdown events happening in rapid succession while mark was building up in the background. but he had a relationship with jan that was going well, he was really trying with the eScape, etc, so i want to give him that distinctness, at least, and IM vol6 tony also did the thing where he changes his appearance up a bunch, which is kind of a red flag for host changes, especially... right after the year-long interruption that was mark’s whole... thing. 

i’d have to read a LOT more comics to say any more than this, because i’m sure i’m missing some obvious ones who should exist but aren’t present/relevant re: mark. but. here are some of my thoughts anyway!!!! tony& gives me life. 

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 18 thoughts

so i decided i wanted to watch this duel all in one day, so that’s why i wasn’t around yesterday~ tomorrow is the last day of my break before starting my new job, so hopefully i can work out a new schedule for this after i get used to it.

enough about that though!! this is one of my favorite duels in all of vrains, so i’m super pumped to be rewatching it! this one gets pretty heavy though, be warned lol

the episode starts out with akira explaining what he’s just learned...

and man, part of the reason i love this duel so much is because of how they absolutely nailed playmaker’s expressions. i won’t go into too much detail, but i’ve been in a...somewhat similar situation, where there was someone who for whatever reason believed they understood what i had gone through and should just let them handle everything, while not understanding part of my healing process was handling it myself. the idea of giving up my control over certain things was completely out of the question, and that’s part of what makes this duel was great to me. playmaker perfectly illustrates those thoughts and feelings.

i’m sure i’ll talk a lot about that throughout the next few posts, but i’ll stop myself there for the time being lol. 

anyways,

this was already hinted to us, the viewers, but not to any of the characters really, so i love how shocked kusanagi is. big businesses are generally pretty shady, but the LI is obviously in a different league lol. it makes sense that he was surprised.

and here’s one of my biggest reasons for disliking akira initially. i think he does grow as a character, but to be honest with y’all, i’m still not overly fond of him lol. i love his relationship with aoi, i appreciate his growth, but man.

the fact that he saw any of that data and was like, “nah, better not let the kid who was used for this project see any of the data. nvm the fact that he is searching it out on his own, so clearly it’s important to him, but he shouldn’t have to worry about this. i can do it” just. 

i’ve seen a few people say that they like akira for this, and i won’t disagree that it’s a realistic way to react. but playmaker is right. he has the right to learn what he went through. why he went through it.

then we get:

it’s still a bit weird to see everyone in vrains questioning this when i’m so used to the concept and to the characters being used to it, lol. but it’s nice to see that train of thought continued. they all have time to come to terms with it, just like we, the viewers, do. it’s cool.

but then akira continues to be an idiot:

and like, honestly. i don’t think he’s doing anything horrible. i don’t think he’s being mean. i think he’s being stupid lmao. he obviously does care, just... doesn’t know how to handle this kind of situation. he’s so used to handling everything, taking care of aoi, and even in his former position he had employees that worked under him, so it makes sense. but he’s not the only capable person around, and he needs to let others handle their own issues.

and also, is it any wonder why playmaker doesn’t let akira take care of it? besides all of the obvious, he’s just gotten confirmation that the company he works for had something to do with the lost incident, lmao.

seriously, people knock on vrains for a lot of things, and like, you do you man. if this show wasn’t your fave, that’s cool. not everything is gonna jive with everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that!

but vrains really, really does this right. i love and will always love how it handles yusaku’s trauma through the series, and i genuinely feel blessed that we got him as a ygo protag.

but on yusaku’s last point, they agree to duel:

i hate to break it to you, ai, but you’re in a ygo show. you don’t really have a choice LOL

i also really love how kusanagi is handled in these eps. he’s not a victim, not in the same way his brother or yusaku were involved, but he was still deeply effected. how could he not be? he basically gave up his life to become a hacker and try to figure out what happened to his brother so he could help him. he had to watch as his once sweet little brother became a shell of a person, and nothing he did could stop it.

but anyways, something sad in a different way for a sec:

i, of course, immediately thought of the final duel and how yusaku finished the duel with decode talker. that....really hurt to hear with that context lol. 

ow, my heart.

but at least ai’s also got some non-depressing lines to break things up a little:

seriously lmao what is duelsick??? i always wondered why it bothered him so much lol

but this episode is very depressing so that didn’t last long, whoops. we get to find out next about akira and aoi’s upbringing:

but here’s the thing: this is so, so different. it’s why playmaker and kusanagi get so angry and lash out. i am not at all denying that what akira and aoi lived through was terrible. they had it really rough, and it clearly hurt them both and changed how they view the world and live in general. 

but he literally just looked through the LI files he knows at least somewhat how different these situations are, in fact, he literally says that he doesn’t know the pain playmaker endured. 

my own personal feelings aside, this is a great look into akira’s character. just like with his own little sister, he has a hard time relating to other’s problems. he has a hard time understanding how they’re feeling, glancing at something and thinking he knows what’s best. it’s consistent with everything we’ve seen from him so far, and while it makes it easy for me to dislike him, i completely understand why people really liked him and his development. 

he was never a bad person. just a misguided person trying to help when he shouldn’t have, or should’ve done differently. his heart is truly in the right place, and yusaku even acknowledges that:

and it’s good to see that by the end of the series, he and aoi can finally fight together, understanding each other. and i’m really happy about that.

i really do love their relationship. they’re great siblings, even if they’re not related by blood. it’s really rare to see such caring step siblings in media, so i’m really happy we got them!!

but also, talk about a smack in the face. i won’t let this six year old be unhappy, he explains to the person who, as a six year old, was kidnapped and tortured for six months as he hides the explanation of that event from them. lmao. but this emotional investment i have is what makes this such a good duel for me! it’s so high stakes, and the voice acting is so on point. i love. 

obviously, though, neither kusanagi nor playmaker take that very well:

i remember sitting on my couch, watching this episode for the first time, and just being blown away by this scene. it’s so powerful. every time i rewatch this, i am still amazed and i can feel my heart pound lmao. it’s not very often we see playmaker get this emotional, which definitely makes this impact greater, but the same for kusanagi.

he’s a much more expressive character, but while he’s serious about his job of helping yusaku, he’s more laid back in every day situations. and even while he’s on the job, he often smiles. to see that kind of character in this kind of a fury makes for a really, really big impact.

i love this. it so perfectly sums up that feeling, why someone would get so angry in this kind of situation. i could talk all day about it, but i have a few other episodes of this duel and i’ve been writing this post for like 40 minutes lol

i wonder if this is also in reference to her own brother situation? i felt like that reveal... didn’t exactly come out of nowhere, most people had guessed it by the time they dueled -- as had i -- but it was definitely rushed imo. i liked their development a lot, don’t get me wrong, but i think it would’ve been cool if she’d like... mentioned it, a few times beforehand. i suppose this could be taken that way, though i definitely hadn’t thought about it that way before haha

also, the dueling in this episode is great. i love the pacing of this duel. even without all the emotional stuff that’s done so well, i think i’d still enjoy just watching this duel because it’s solid all around. 

that’s all i’ve got for this one, but i’m gonna start episode 19 in just a little bit!

[janiedean]

Ok I need to know your thoughts about this Green Book mess

... pray for me anon XD

anyway, never mind that my general thought is that I’m really sad the mule didn’t compete this round because then it’d have deserved all the awards hands down........

tldr: the fact that people are outraged is the proof that tumblr at large can’t recognize classism when it hits you in the face.

in longer words: 95% of the hot takes I’m reading are Patently False And It Shoes People Haven’t Seen That Movie.

in much longer words: counting that I haven’t seen all the nominees but I did see both blakkk/lansman (which from now will be BKKK) and blackpanther and green book (and borap but that one wasn’t gonna win best movie anyway so) and I guess that is where the crux is, so, in order.

bkkk was obviously the best movie of the lot quality speaking. in an ideal world, it would have one. except that bkkk is a movie that’s heavily political and if y’all think that the oscars would give a prize to the heavily political movie that directly criticizes the administration in power then y’all missed the part where that’s not what happens at the oscars. last time it happened it was 1978 and the deer hunter won and I still don’t know wtf was the jury’s state of grace at that point, but in 1980 they had apocalypse now in the list and kramer vs kramer won. like. guys. if you have APOCALYPSE NOW on the list and anything else wins in the major categories then you’re a joke. and tbh it surprises me that spike l/ee is still hoping he might snag a major win that’s not for screenplay with these parameters - they’re not gonna go there. hasn’t happened since ‘78. come on;

bp was not a best movie flick. like, guys: it’s not even the best mcu film around as far as I’m concerned and while it most likely deserved the technical awards..... seriously? like. if neither GB nor bkkk won then any other movie on the list had better shots than bp. I can’t even think people seriously assume it was best movie material or ON PAR WITH BKKK as in, ‘if bkkk doesn’t win then THAT ONE should have won’. like, no;

now: green book was a *safe* pick in the sense that it wasn’t as heavy-handed as bkkk when it came to be political so it was the perfect choice if they wanted to go like ‘oh hey see we gave the award to the movie about racism without giving it to the one raising the middle finger to donald trump’, but differently from moon/light (which according to me was the most political political win of the last ten years like guys sorry that movie was nowhere near as good as people said back then and I found it incredibly overrated, and before you tell me that it’s because I didn’t understand it: exactly the point. the wire is one of my fave shows ever and it tacked all the things moon/light tried to except that it did it vastly better and I actually got it for how well it was written, moon/light completely failed in that sense and I’m glad if it was a good movie for the people it was directed to but it didn’t engage beyond that target imvho but never mind that) it actually tackled very well a series of issues I never see discussed in US cinema when it comes to *racism-themed* movies and I thought it was a really well-made movie that nailed a lot of things especially when it came to how classism and racism interject themselves in the discourse and how you don’t get out of discarding one of them so easily.

specifically, with SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE under the cut SO GO AHEAD AT WILL OR NOT:

now: all the posts ‘this is the usual movie about the white guy who gets the black friend’ already are obviously from people who haven’t seen it because they missed the basic point, as in: that the white guy is poor and uneducated and isn’t *racist* because he’s a terrible person, he is out of ignorance and not knowing any better BUT at the same time he’s not so narrow-minded that he doesn’t have fairly forward opinions on other -isms (see THAT REVEAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE after which he goes like ‘I’ve been a bouncer in most of new york’s night clubs do you think I mind that thing’ which is a thing the audience wouldn’t have thought since italian-american men from the 50s/60s notoriously came from a fairly -PHOBIC culture in that specific sense), and that the guy being italian-american ie a *white* category that back then did not have *white privilege* put him in a lower class position than the black guy;

on the other side, it was spelled that the black guy’s issue was the contrary in the sense that he’s rich, he’s cultured, he speaks five languages, he’s not a stereotype and since people want stereotypes or expect them, he can’t seem to please either side and feels alienated from both, which I think is a discourse that should be way more relevant in a website where people talk all the time about people of color not being stereotypes and so on;

like the entire fucking point of that movie is that white guy overcomes his racism unlearning his ignorance and black guy has a few realizations about how classism works and reconnects with his heritage throughout the entire thing;

and the fact that it was the black guy explaining the white guy how to write the poetic love letters without grammar mistakes and got him to appreciate finer things in life while the white guy helped him get down to earth (which he plot-wise definitely needed - he was unhappy af before XD) *and* at the same time the movie never fucking forgot that skin color > money when it comes to systematical racism in the south (ie the scene where they get stopped by the southern policeman and white guy punches him bc he basically told him that being italian-american was being half-the-n-word and black guy tells him ‘yeah well I handled that my entire life you could deal with it once’ was FAIRLY DAMNED OBVIOUS even if it also showed that it’s Not How Things Should Go) was imvo a very good narrative choice/balancing;

also, I was really appreciating that scene where don asks tony (a guy who has no idea who orpheus is and thinks orpheus and eurydice is about orphans) to shorten his name because vallelunga is too difficult to pronounce and tony’s like ‘if the people you play for are so cultured they can learn to pronounce my name properly’ because like guys that’s a thing that happens with all non-anglophone names and seeing it come from someone who hasn’t had an education but doesn’t want to be *made better* because that doesn’t make them unworthy and then only accepts help when he wants it and doesn’t come from a position of ‘you need to look more presentable’ but from ‘I want to make your life better’ was really fucking nice excuse me, because it *did* make a point about how not being formally educated means that people are considered lesser when they shouldn’t have to fight for it, and I thought that the class-switch in there was a really great idea;

anyway nvm my specific opinions about specific scenes, the point is: green book is not heavy-handed and admittedly is a lot more sugary than BKKK and has the feel-good ending that makes it palatable for easy wins, but the content is fucking everything but sugary or devoid of discussing Serious Issues that I almost never see tackled in this kind of US movie and if people actually wanted to watch a movie that sees the subject counting that class relations exist, that some -isms are culturally learned and can be overcome, that money counts when we’re discussing how people are treated in the US, the *earned whiteness* concept (because tony is *white* but hasn’t *earned whiteness* and it’s plenty damned obvious) and that class relations are not automatically clear-cut *especially in the US* then green book is an absolutely valid choice. and like...... it wasn’t white saviorism in the sense that WHITE GUY GETS REDEEMED AND BECOMES UN-RACIST, it’s about two people growing and learning from each other and the fact that tony’s racism is tied to a) upbringing while being poor b) not literally knowing any better but that it doesn’t really take that much for him to see that his opinions are wrong when usually it’s poor black person vs rich white person, and actually that’s why I thought calling it reverse driving miss daisy was reaaaally not getting the point, so if people actually saw the damned movie before deciding it’s terrible that’d be nice;

I also think sp/ike lee was beyond rude in his, er, reactions to GB’s win, but then again... listen guys I love the man’s movies but since that time he went like ‘clint eastwood can’t make movies about charlie parker’ (??) and dismissed the italian partisans’s associations complains about what he did in miracle in st. anna (a movie I did actually really like but they were right about him villainizing the resistence when he could have not) with basically I DON’T CARE THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE ISSUES WITH HOW I, AN AMERICAN, DEPICTED A FAIRLY IMPORTANT PIECE OF ITALIAN HISTORY... like he needs to chill and to realize that there’s a thing called losing with grace and he’s not doing it.

tldr: bkkk imvo deserved to win way more and tbqh if I was spike I’d complain about bp having gotten more awards than his movie when bp really is the safest choice ever if we wanna talk about politics win, and I can agree that GB was a political choice, but it was not a bad political choice nor a racist one and actually it raised a lot of issues that I’d like to see explored more in movies because they usually aren’t. on top of that I thought mahershala ali’s performance in gb was fucking stellar and definitely was miles better than his part in moonlight (but like... bc he was in moonlight for TWENTY MINUTES, he was co-lead here) and I’m honestly baffled that when he won for moonlight there were gifsets everywhere and here there aren’t when this role was WAY better and more nuanced and with more to chew, never mind that again, he deserved it just for the speech under the rain I was discussing before. but like..... of course we’re all ignoring it??

also: I’m really laughing that tumblr as a whole is crying about GB winning when until two days ago bkkk was the worst thing ever because adam dr/iver starred in it and OMG OF COURSE HE WAS CHOSEN TO PLAY THE KKK MEMBER BECAUSE HE REALLY IS RACIST [lmao as if spike l/ee would work with a really racist person] and no one on this website gave a single fuck about it when it came out except for adam dr/iver fan blogs but now everyone is like OMG WHY DIDN’T BKKK WIN???!!!!! like guys you didn’t care about BKKK until a day ago and now I’m supposed to think you were rooting for it all along? when you all hated it because omg how dare they cast ky/lo ren in something where he’s not a bad guy? like we serious? come the fuck on, no one on here cared. and the fact that if blackpanther had won no one would say BKKK not winning = UTTERMOST CRIME just says all about how a film’s quality is judged around here. bye, I said my piece.

[keepingupwithfundies]

This is the first Duggar courtship I have been excited about since Jinger and Jeremy. I think it is because John David and Abbie both have had careers and some life experience before committing to a relationship that is very likely to lead to marriage quickly.

It is something other than teenage marriage from kids who barely held it together long enough for their homeschool diploma. Also, her sisters seem very into decorating at their weddings, so we might get to see a whole different wedding, not same old same old Ms Cindy style. And I am sure at 26 y.o. she won’t let the Duggar clan steamroll her like Kendra did who is barely out of her diapers.

YES, I read that too. @duggardata​ I am sure the whole fundie tumblr wants to know what their chances are of having twins. Unfortunately I am not sure if the girls are fraternal or paternal. From the looks of it none of the girls look identical, so my guess would be fraternal same sex twins like Jer and Jed.

Edit: I found old pics and they don’t look identical, just like normal sisters, so I’d say fraternal.

(At the Bontrager’s house:)

Mh.... nvm the more I look at them the more identical they look to me.... Back to square one.

Oh no…. let’s hope they don’t feel the need to evangelize through that….btu they probably will.

OMG halfway thorugh I realized that this post will be sooo long, I am sorry I will have to shorten it. Read more below:

Imagine the dry spell he went through since the beginning of puberty. It’s astounding that he does not have to carry his blue balls in a wheelbarrow. Sorry for the mental pic LOL

I was surprised too to see him so lively and very obviously physically into her. That’s a side he kept well hidden on CO so far.

We have yet to see a pic of Abbie wearing pants, but three of her sisters wear jeans.

I think he’ll be more chill and she’ll wear pants in the not too far future with her single sisters already wearing them.

True LOL!!

I don’t think he lurks on tumblr, but IIRC more than one news outlet picket up the sentence as well and the fundies have been known to follow their stories there.

Definitely not just you:

From reddit/FJ.

IKR? It is so unusual for a Duggar bride! 

SAME!! OMG that would be hella refreshing! But dare I say it? I think our hopes are wasted.

Nice!! Can’t wait to see how this unfolds. I am so chuffed to see a girl with a real job in the Duggar family. Let’s see how long she gets to keep it.

Ah no, I hated their dresses. I hope she gets styling advise from her younger twin sisters, Maggie especially seems quite stylish.

Abbie has 8 siblings, you can find ages and names here from an old blog entry. She was born  fourth and was homeschooled with the same ATI programm as the Duggar kids. You can find out a little more about her extended family on the fundie wikia: http://fundamentalists.wikia.com/wiki/Burnett_Family and a little more about her here: http://fundamentalists.wikia.com/wiki/Abbie_Burnett

I agree, although it seemed to me that she was slightly irritated about the whole ordeal which we couldn’t blame her for. But saying that, that’s the first ever video we have seen of her, maybe that’s just her personality.

I agree, their strict rules seem even more ridiculous in their case. Well, we will probably get another honeymoon baby with the amount of desire JD had in his eyes looking at her. (Also thanks so much for your love!!) I don’t think they will “break“ any of the usual courtship rules, maybe just stretch them like Jeremy and Jinger.

I would like to keep the double wedding theories alive please. We’ll never know, it’s possible that Jana announces a courtship tomorrow. Never forget what Anna said to Joy a few years ago: Once you are over 18 you will always be only 6 months away from a wedding.

^^ Wasn’t me previous anon, I swear!!!

Here ya go:

I don’t remember, but maybe they have been talking since then!

He is probably doesn’t know what to do with himself atm.

I agree, I love that about her. She has actually some kind of independence!

Most likely he has! You need to be our spy LOL!

Right?! If you watch fundies as a hobby you really shouldn’t have a real life. Especially with them multiplying like bunnies now.

I mean I can’t tell you you are wrong but my gut says no. In the video the way he leans into her and stares with lust at her he would have to be a real good actor.

She comes from a very fundie family but she has a real job and her sisters wear pants, so she might turn out like Whit. Remember Zach and JD are very close, so maybe JD had someone like Whit in mind when he was looking for his special woman.

Yeah I think after the scandlad it needed one male Duggar to start a relationship to get the others hooked again.

YOU are obsessed? You do know you are talking to a blog owner solely dedicated to them LOL I am happy that she is older too, maturity can be worth so much in a marriage!

She grew up in the same cirles as him but the females are allowed to wear pants even before marriage. So we will see how strictly fundie she really is. I think we will be able to tell from the wedding dress.

Longest post in history I think. Jobbie, you almost broke fundie tumblr. (Annie)

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

[gxrobs]

Haven't given y'all an update for a while so hopefully this won't be too long (its so fucking long...If you wanna scroll to the last paragraph there is a long story short )but I know some ppl feel personally invested in my love/sex life so here it goes!! 

Last time I was posting I was still obsessing over my neighbor and going crazy over wanting to fuck him again / wanting the time of day from him. Well, now I'm pretty much over that and for a few reasons - ya he's totally hot, like a real life babe, but he's also like the biggest asshole I've ever met and I can't even believe I was dickmatized enough to look past how badly he treats me / most women when he's not trying to fuck them. The only time he was ever "nice" to me was like the days leading up to us sleeping together and the only time after that he's been nice to me is like 2am drunk in his apartment (and not even nice just him making comments about my boobs or waist or something) but still...not really including me in conversation. Every time I see him I just try to be cordial and say what's up but he's just like "hi" and that's it. Honestly he’s probably weirded out by me being into him after we fucked (bc of various social media followers, yall know i post EVERYTHING) which I guess is fair because ya... it was kinda weird. So if he's been rude to me the last month to get me over it -- it worked. Over him! He aint that great....I've definitely slept w guys w better bodies and better attitudes. Fuck him and his Connor Mcgregor tattoos lmao.

ANYWAY, so after that fiasco I went to New Orleans and had sort of a shitty time at first just because the friend I went with was on some other shit, and we weren't getting along. So I started swiping away on tinder and matched w this guy Johnny and I wasn't really into it at first but then once I got a little drunk I was like "meet me" but I actually ditched him (fell asleep for 3 hrs) anyway eventually I met him and he walks up and he's immediately x3 hotter in person than he was in any of his pictures AND he comes up with a thick Greek accent and y'all.....I love the whole (eastern...ish) harsh European accent so I was like DAMN! So we had a great time, has great sex and by the morning we were pretty amazed at how into each other we were and the connection we had both physically and emotionally was wild and we spent the next two days together basically just fucking and talking about everything ever in life and it was a really great time and I'm prtty sure he's my soulmate. We even have plans for him to come and visit me in Florida next month! So that's cool, got that little babe in my pocket. Some issues arise w the language barrier because hes not the most fluent English speaker (he's only been here for like 6 months) and I obviously don't know any Greek so it's tough buuuuuut there's that. Also, what's wild is he's only 21!!!! Which is CRAZY? Never really into guys romantically who are anywhere near as young as I am so having a connection w a 21 y/o is crazy to me. Also...he looks so young compared to the guys I'm usually with (with the exception of my neighbor who is only like 22 every guy I've been with in at least the last 6 months has been 28-48) but in 10-20 yrs when he is in his prime god damn is he gonna be a killer... he looks like the spitting image of a younger, leaner,Max Riemlet tbh (Wolfgang from sense 8)

But despite me having found my "soulmate" I still have to live a life in Saint Augustine and get laid somehow so I've just been going out, meeting people and occasionally tindering. Last night I ended up sleeping with someone who I slept w when I was 19 and it was underwhelming (AGAIN) just like it was when I was 19...he was better I guess. We watched TWO fucking movies and drank and then it literally was like 20 mins of making out and I couldn't take it and it was so late and I was like "ok can we just fuck now" and he finished in...you guessed it....less than a minute...and I was like "uh ok I hardly moved??" He was like "yeah but you were moving from the inside and talking to me and making sounds" and I was like like LOL. I mean I guess...because he did feel good for the 45 Seconds but i like tried to move my hips with him and he made me stop cause he was gonna cum and then like 10 seconds later I think all I said was "ur cock feels so good" then he was like "oh shit" and fucking busted GOD DAMN IT?? So to have sex...I can't move....and I can't talk??? Lmao ok. I rlly did feel like a 19 y/o. Luckily (or maybe unluckily?) he lives literally across the street from me so I just got dressed and went home but before I went I was like "uh do u wanna take my number?" Yknow, because he felt good for the bit and I was thinking maybe if he just gets used to me he can go longer and I'm like HOW convenient would dick right across the street be??? Because dick right upstairs obviously work out... But he like paused for a few seconds and I was like "ok nvm thanks for cuming in a minute and not even trying to give me an orgasm have fun dude" and left and then he messaged me on tinder and was like "here is my number if you wanted it I'm deleting tinder now because i cant deal with fucking peoples feelings up" and I was like HA HA HA "I'm literally chilling idk what about that could've hurt my feelings but I left my glasses there if you could put them in my mailbox that would be great" and he said some shit about how he got dumped a week ago and how it's "not a good way to get over himself" but I didn't reply and I woke up in the morning and my glasses were where I asked them to be so I guess that's good. 

Also, I'm back on my Mitchell bullshit. We matched on tinder and I didn't say anything because i was trying to BE STRONG but I think it was Friday night and I drunk called him and he didn't say SHIT all day then last night at like midnight before I went over to that guys house he messaged me "you rang?" and we fell into our usually rapport and then later today he texted me so now we are back to talking? Maybe? Probably not.... and if we are I already know how it's gonna go but I'm a weak bitch I know i’m sorry but honestly he doesnt even hurt anymore. 

So yeah, that's where I'm at. Long fucking story short: I'm done w my dick head neighbor crush, I met my Greek soulmate in NOLA and miss him everyday but a future w him is next to impossible, especially bc he goes back to Greece in April and has to join the military....so I need to fill the void by getting laid and going back to the familiar rollercoaster ride of pain that is Mitchell. That's all folks. 

[sparrowhaven]

Bi-annual state of the self

*waves* soooo if you’re new to my blog, for the past couple of years I’ve had a couple of times of year where I write/post a bit about Sad Personal Shit. At this point it’s more to remind myself about how far I’ve come than actually inform other people about my state of mind. Although I guess it helps people know I’m doing okay since I hardly talk about personal stuff in public. Like in previous posts I’ll put most of the info under a cut to not clutter up anyone’s dash or make anyone really sad unless they wanna take a look.

As of writing this I’m doing fine (though admittedly I’ve been working on this off and on since the tail end of December and I’m like 95% sure i’m done as of 1/20 hahaha nvm i’m still touching up on this on 1/25). I’m probably okay when this gets posted. Well. Very likely on the lower end of okay. I’ll put in details under the cut but if anyone wants to ask questions privately I’ll answer them. Though maybe not immediately or even until late today because god knows I’ll be working to try not to think about today AND THEN I’m going to see A Dog’s Purpose with my family because my youngest sister insisted on taking us to a movie that’s gonna at least make ME cry.

Um, if you don’t want to read this and/or you wanna know what to do to help me out, send me funny and/or wholesome memes and videos. I also like cute stuff involving elephants and owls and cats and snakes. Any animal really but those are like my top 4 in no real order. Oh, or puns. I love puns. Yeah lots of puns will help too cuz I’ll be able to read them to other people who’ll need a laugh or a groan.

....This is gonna be long so sorry in advance for my rambling. 

Anyway, on with the show.

To get this out of the way and also summarize the reason behind this post: my younger brother Benjamin killed himself on August 25, 2014. Today, January 27, 2017, would have been his 21st birthday. It’s been a bit of a ride these past couple of years to say the least even without the bullshit that was a good chunk of 2016.

So before I get asked this, no the name Benjamin or Ben or any other nickname related to it doesn’t trigger me. I’ll notice it, sure, but only in the same way anyone else with siblings would notice someone saying their sibling’s name in a regular context. Same goes for anyone mentioning having a brother. Suicide or death in general as a topic in conversation or in a story doesn’t exactly trigger me, but talk about wanting to die or disappear can make me a bit anxious even if the person talking doesn’t actually mean to do anything (although admittedly some days I can handle such talk better than others). I can get really intense just because (as mentioned in at least one previous post) there was a tangible hole in the world when my brother died and I dunno what I’d do if someone I knew just suddenly left again. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me when you’re feeling like you need to die or disappear and you need to tell someone. BY ALL MEANS please talk to me if you’re having these kinds of feelings--keeping them inside is worse than letting them out even to someone who might try to grab your face through a computer screen in an attempt to let you know that they care about you a lot. Don’t be worried about hurting me if you’re hurting. I tend to describe my current existence as “varying states of okay” but most of the time I’m on the better end of okay. I’ll let you know if I can’t handle things.

Oh yeah another thing: If I mentioned my brother in a conversation with someone that didn’t know about anything related to him, I always tried very very hard to use past tenses so that I wouldn’t be lying. Like “god he used to do such and such” or telling a story about him from when he was a kid. Mostly it’s because he was a great person and I love to bring up the silly things that he did and that happened to him in his life even if I don’t necessarily want everyone I meet to know that he’s dead. Also, I know a couple of people who are gonna feel really dumb because they didn’t figure this out sooner and I’m here to say that IT’S OKAY SERIOUSLY. I was only avoiding the topic because it’s heavy as fuck, why would I want to dump all that on you all at once just a little while after we met I mean come on. Also as a general rule I usually don’t feel bad enough about Ben’s death in particular to want to broach the subject in the first place. I’ve got more pressing things to stress about and tackle first, y’know? 

Obviously that isn’t to say that I don’t still feel SOMETHING even 2 and a half years later. I definitely still miss him. But it’s like even if I AM having a bad day related to Ben’s death (like...being reminded of what age he should be as an example) I just don’t normally talk about this stuff with people I’ve only met since he died because...well, first off not everyone’s had someone close to them die. See, the thing that no one tells you about grief before you lose someone close to you is that the feelings don’t really go away. It’s more like, you get more used to missing the person that died but there are definitely times when the pain will flare up thanks to some reminder and you have to cry about it. People who haven’t lost anyone might not be able to understand or empathize when they’ve had no experience with loss. And that’s fine. I don’t ever want someone to lose someone close to them just to understand how I feel FUCK no. It’s just that the barrier of experience can make the conversation immediately turn awkward from the other side not knowing what to say and me not wanting to make them uncomfortable. So, as much as possible I try to avoid that.

Secondly, mentioning Ben and how he died can sound a lot like I’m trying to grab attention. Which, I don’t want or ever intend to do. At this point in my life (to me, at least), his being dead has been solidified as fact. Which means that when I mention his death it’s more like I’m saying that the sky is blue or the grass is green. Saying the words has easier and easier as time’s gone on. Not everyone will get that being able to say them at all is in fact one of the ways I know I’ve taken some steps forward in healing. So they might assume that I’m trying to gain sympathy points when all I really wanna do is talk. (Most of this is just paranoia I’m aware but it’s still a valid reason.)

And thirdly...well, there’s just some things I can say candidly that not everyone is going to appreciate right away. They tend to be a mix of reminiscing about stuff my brother did or would totally do in a given situation and whatever situation I happen to be in. This can lead to morbidly funny things such as this story about a conversation my sister and I had:

(He really would pull a fucking stunt like that tho. Not to really be mean but because he was that kinda person. As an example, he would sneak into my room while I had my headphones on and scare the crap outta me just because he could and I wasn’t paying attention.)(I didn’t end up with a shittily wrapped present on my bed but that would definitely have been something)

Okay now that we’ve got that extra long preamble out of the way, I can now get to how I’ve been lately.

The year and a bit after Ben died was hard, but it was easy compared to 2016 for whatever reason (even though for obvious reasons I consider 2014 to be my worst year). I was feeling more and more broken and alone as the year dragged on despite my moments of relief whenever I hung out with family or talked with my online friends or went to my grief group. On my days off of work I was often just at the house, not doing much of anything and not having any motivation to do much more than watch videos. Sure I had my good moments, but those seemed to get drowned out by how dull and repetitive life felt. Months ticked by and I was getting more and more lonely and missing the fact that my brother would have been there with me to go to places (despite knowing that he would probably have been working on my days off, the loneliness doesn’t have a set logic behind it). I don’t think I would’ve done anything to myself (there’s no way I’d put my family through what we’ve been through again) but I was fully aware that something had to be done and soon.

So one day I decided to join a private livestream of an artist I’d backed on patreon. I’d initially starting giving her money because I thought she deserved it and I didn’t really care about getting a reward for it, but one night she’d posted about doing a livestream for her patrons and I decided to see what would happen. And I had a great time. Everyone was so chill and friendly, and it was fun seeing her draw pages for her comic and talk to her patrons about all kinds of topics. So the next time she streamed, I joined that. And since then I’ve joined in on other livestreams of other artists, met new, wonderful people, joined discord servers and in general I’ve just been feeling much better about myself. And definitely less lonely. I don’t always make friends very easily but I’ve found strong platonic connections with these friends I’ve made and in a very short period of time. And I hope that I’ve helped them as much as they’ve helped me lately.

By the way just so we’re all clear in this whole long ramble: I appreciate every single one of my friends, old or new, and you’ve all helped me out in different ways while I’ve been sorting myself out. Just because I might not talk to you about my feelings or issues doesn’t mean I don’t like you or I’ve suddenly stopped caring about you. If you feel like you didn’t do anything for me because I didn’t say anything about it I WANT YOU, YES YOU THE PERSON READING THIS WHO IS MY FRIEND, TO KNOW THAT YOU BEING YOU HAS HELPED ME PERIOD THE END. Really. I’m not just saying that. Everyone has contributed something that’s helped me out in recent months even if to you it was just a silly chat. Don’t think I won’t smother you in momfriend worry and assurances and positive callouts about how good you are if you don’t believe me I STG.

2016 was a hard year for everyone. Friends of mine have gone through really hard times, politics has played havoc with everyone’s emotions, well respected and loved celebrities have died...with the dawning of this year I can only hope for the best for everyone (despite the really shitty political climate) and offer some words of advice and encouragement: 

You CAN move on from your very worst day. Even the one that you never, ever wanted to happen. It’s going to really suck, but you can do it. You’ll feel like you’re in the bottom of a deep ditch with no way out, but there IS a path up. Finding it is something you’re going to have to figure out on your own, but there are other people out there who can help point you in the right direction if you need them. And if you don’t need anyone you can still find your way. Just keep moving, one step at a time. 

Don’t worry about being “slow” in recovering. Don’t even worry if you feel like you’re never gonna recover at all. 

There isn’t a competition to see who can heal better/faster/stronger/ever from something traumatic. 

The important part is that you’re moving forward, even at what you feel like is a snail’s pace because if you’re still moving and breathing you’re still alive. The objective is to stay alive for as long as possible. (I’m not saying that there won’t ever be times when you’ll break down because of your feelings as you move on. Hell I’m WELL AWARE that those points in time never really go away.)

What you need is perspective. The more time and experience you have, the better you end up being able to handle what hurt you. 

You might not think you’re important but I can guarantee you that if you died that people would feel your absence. It might not be the people you’d have expected, but they still will feel something because you’re gone.

Be gentle with those who lost someone, but you don’t necessarily have to walk on eggshells around them. Most of the time, they just want someone to talk to about their experiences. 

So, if you need any more metaphors or advice or just someone to talk to I’m willing to help however I can.

Also Ben, wherever you are, I hope you have a good birthday. We all still love and miss you, but we’re doing okay. I mean. just within this past month I’ve managed to draw you fairly well so there’s something positive. 

So you don’t have to worry about us from wherever you are on the other side. Really. Thank you for watching over us, tho. Happy birthday.

[poignantsinlife]

Mega rollercoaster ride

4th of March

This will probably be the longest post I have ever written. January was extremely long yet nothing much had happened. February was very very short and right now it’s the 4th of March, and every else happened before today since the start of February, was a hella of ride. Everything below is as raw as I can go, meant it from the bottom of my heart.

At the start of February, everything was good except maybe my parents. My uncle cheated on my mother with another woman. And even until now, he’d still refuse to leave the woman, refuse to leave this house. He says he has two hearts, one for my mother and another for the other woman. He promised to support my studies still tho.

The thing is, i don’t care whether he can support my studies or not, I don’t care right now if i have the money to go for university or not. I can wait, i can take a gap year. All I want to happen is my mum’s misery to stop. To have someone to teach you how to be a person and how to love properly since you were so young, then have that same someone to cheat on their own partner, was a torture. Stop talking about honesty, about trust, about a person’s good heart, when you did the total opposite. Don’t be a hypocrite please. I’ve looked up to him, how he is successful in his career, how wise he can be. Then knowing he cheated, breaks apart down. So what if you’re successful in studies or career? None of it matter if you don’t have a heart to love righteously.

My own dad cheated on my mum, my mum cheated on my own dad, now my uncle cheated on my mum. It’s a vicious love cycle, love’s not real here. Love’s never real, i don’t know how am I going to be now, now that I have 3 parents who cheat on each other. How am I going to love now? I’m going to trust God on this, i’m giving him the driver’s seat. Take control of my love life God, you do it best and you’ll hold everything in place in just the right time.

Everything was good with Nick in the start of February, even as he was in Malaysia for 2 weeks. He would call me “bii”, he would say he misses me, he wants a hug. He would ask me about my day, tell me about his day, send me regular snapchats, and he would still tell me how he felt on a day. Things started to spiral down (again), when he came back to Singapore for a short while before he go off for internship again. He came back for a week, yet for the first few days he was busy with his family. I understand that he was busy with his family, yet I hoped I could see him even for a few hours, like just 3 hours of lunch with suffice because then, I knew he was in Singapore yet I couldn’t see him when I missed him a lot. I started to feel like I was getting put on the sidelines again because not only was he busy with his family solely, he was busy meeting his friends first... So i started to get insecure.. because I thought I would be the first on his list to meet when he is finally free.. but no.. Which I why I prayed for 3 days about Nick, asking God and talking to God.

The last post I had was since the mid of February, so i’ll continue on from there. And like I was saying, I decided to pray to God for 3 days, and i’ll see what he has to say to me. For the first night, I prayed and it was a positive answer. In 2nd night, I asked God whether I should continue trying my best for this relationship. If yes, give me a dream of Nick. For this night, God didn’t give me a dream of Nick, just a dream. The first thought that came to me was, “No, let Me do the rest”. I smiled as I thought about it. For the third night, I asked God how long my wait will be? If its a long wait, give me a dream of Nick. If my wait is not long, give me just a dream, and if I should just give up, don’t give me any dream. For this night, God gave me a dream without Nick, means my wait isn’t long, but I still got to continue to wait. 

For these 3 prayers, God gave me a sign. I believe it really hard on this cause I know God talks to people through dreams. God gave me a sign, which is to continue to wait because he’s the guy for me, but yet don’t do anything else, let God do things for you. So I stop, I stop doing so much things already. So when he came back to Singapore for a short while, I wanted to make another set of letters for him, since he was about to finish them, yet I don’t want to make an extra effort just because i’m tired.

There was this day on Monday when we say we could probably meet on Wednesday and hang out together. But we didn’t know where to go, so things were still foggy them. Then comes Tuesday, where I was busy and he was busy. He would be around my area at 5pm and I told him maybe I could see him for a while if I make it in time at 5pm at my area. That was 11am in the morning, and he brutally told me “not possible”, then it was only on Wednesday that I found out that he was going to my area with his friend instead, whom doesn’t know that we both are talking. :( I mean, the least he could do was to tell me that he would be with this guy, then i’ll understand.. Yet from 11am, he didn’t text me, didn’t snapchat me or didn’t ask me how i am for the whole day. I knew he was busy with his friends so I didn’t complain, but I knew that no matter how busy he gets, he’d still snapchat me pictures of what he is doing and such things.. He was supposed to go for his martial arts at 7:30 pm but he skipped it to have more time outside with his friends. He knew that we were going out the next day, but he didn’t ask me what we were going to do on Wednesday throughout the whole day, yet he could just snapchat me at 12am, telling me “Good night” as his caption. I was so sad, cause I was really tired and I wanted to sleep, then he scolded me for not sleeping early again and accused me of using him as an excuse and say that i’m scrolling around but in actual fact I’m really just waiting for him to be free so I could discuss with him about Wednesday. My heart broke was he scolded me when I already told him I was waiting for him. :’( Time comes to 1am yet we still havent decide where to go. He got tired so he said to discuss the next morning when we wakes up. 

Morning comes and we haven’t got any idea on where to go. There were no nice movies, so I suggested to go for a walk at the beach or east coast, he said it was too hot and he can’t walk a lot because he injured his leg. Okay cool. So I suggest to just have a meal at 18Chefs or Greendot, and he says it was boring. Okay, till 3pm we didn’t have any plans yet. I’ve been throwing so much ideas but he rejects all. He then tells me that maybe he should skip his martial arts lesson, obviously you should cause at 3pm i’m still home and doing nothing, but yet i understand that he wants to go for the class so much. So I just told him, “don’t skip la, your last few lessons before you go for internship”. he said, yeah and that he really wanted to go. I thought that if he went, I could go Jurong to run some errands at about 7:30 pm. But during 3pm I gave up trying to think of places to go, so i just said “nvm ah i just go Jurong do my things.” only then did he suggest for a movie, then continued to say, “ok nvm I meet you at Jurong for a quick meal” so thennn it started raining heavily and he said that his feet is full of plaster, cannot touch the rain else would get messy, so I said i’ll meet him at the east, at Paya Lebar. 

I ended up seeing him only at 6pm and I swear that as he went out of the gantry, I was so. so. so. happy to see him even though what I am looking at is my greatest misery. I cried internally when I see cause I’m just so happy to see him again :’(, i wanted to hug him as he comes closer but he walked to another direction and asked me to follow. We only had 1hour 30 mins of time together and during the whole time we were together, he didn’t hold my hands nor stand close to me or anything :(. Then he went off for his martial art lesson already. I sent him to the bus stop where he took the bus. As he queued to enter the bus, I cried again, not because I won’t be seeing him for the next 6 months, but because I wasn’t his priority.

He could go out with his friends the previous day and could skip his martial art for them, yet he couldn’t spend his whole day of time with me and skip martial art for me. With this, I really broke down cause I now know how much I mean to him, I don’t stand a chance to be compared to his friends at all. Things were made harder for me as I thought I knew he loves me but i’m not his priority, and as I thought about what God told me with the 3 prayers I had. He told me he’s the right guy for me, told me to wait, but God, i’m tired. I put so much effort into this relationship with Nick, but I’m not his priority. 

I’m exhausted, tired. I just wanna my feelings to stop, I just don’t really want to see him again cause I know i’m not his priority. I stopped everything really, I’m done putting in effort, but I will still continue to wait for him God. So help me with this. 

I stopped sending him good morning messages when I wake up and think of him, he doesn’t do that to me at all. I stopped talking to him every hour cause I think there’s no more point. I stopped questioning myself whether is he wearing the bracelet or not, I stopped questioning myself whether he had read the letters finish. I stopped putting effort already, i’m tired, but I miss him so so much. What am I doing wrong again?

敢给，就敢心碎。If you’re willing to give, you are willing to get your heart broken.

男人没有一个好东西的。

On 1 March and 2 March, I spent the whole day making a welcome board for my sister’s wedding on 3 March. I spent the whole day of 1 March making drafts, trying out different flowers to draw, and finally making a final draft to draw on the actual board. Then on 2 March, I had some time to myself, so I used the gold adhesive foil that I bought, to cut out my name in calligraphy font, then pasting it on my phone. I kinda like it, but it wasn’t a clean cut cause I used pen knife to cut, it wasn’t that accurate, but I guess it’s still nice when you look from far. Afterwards, I drew the flowers on the watercolour board, put in so much effort into it, slowly painting the flowers and as slow as I could so I do not make any much errors. I had no experience in painting on a large board, this came out just surprisingly nice, and i’m extremely happy that everyone loves it!

This was the final output:

The work of my own, i’m proud. My sister didn’t ask me to do this. I saw a similar board on Instagram and I thought that hey, this is something I could do for my sister’s wedding, so why not? As I do this painting, I enjoy doing it a lot, at the same time I also grieve, cause my sister is getting married. I won’t be living under the same roof as her already, I won’t be having someone to scold me anymore, but yet, I know deep down in my heart that she loves me a lot, that she cherish me a lot. I am very happy, and very very willing to draw this for her, is the last thing I can do for her before she actually gets married off. 

I remember during Chinese New Year on 17 Feb, I remember vividly what my cousins told me. They said that they asked my sister once, “Who will you miss the most when you get married?” My sister said, “My sister lor, she is a very kind girl. I love to talk to her, although she may not seem like she’s funny, but she’s actually a very funny girl.” Wah I broke down right there when my cousins told me what my sister said to them. I’ve always thought that I wasn’t very close to my sister, even on the surface, we don’t seem very close. We don’t usually share our problems with each other, she doesn’t share her things with me, and I rarely share my things with her. I’ve always thought that our sister bond is not strong. But hearing what she said, about her missing me the most when she gets married, made me cry like a baby because I never knew I mean so much to her. This is the reason why I was so so so willing to make her a welcome poster for her wedding, because after all the things she done for me (buy me clothes, bring me places, encourage me), the least I can do for her is to make something for her, something that I used my heart to do.

On 3 March on the wedding day, I woke up 5:30 am so get ready, wore my outfit and such things to prepare for the groom to pick my sister up from our house, to leave home by 7pm because it’s a Chinese wedding tradition. I offered to accompany her in the morning because I kinda wanna see my sister get ready, with her gown on and her make up done by a professional makeup artist. I have never done such things before but I finally got the chance to hehe. So we brought everything to her husband-to-be’s house and got ready there. As time passes by and ready to leave, we went to the venue and I realised that my board that I made for her was placed at the entrance of the venue, with a small easel, placed on an elevated grass patch. To see my work there makes me really proud, thinking about how many people will judge my work, whether they think it’s nice or not I do not care, but the most important thing was that I feel proud that the first thing people see when they enter, is a welcome poster made by the bride’s sister hehe. My sister also said that she’s gonna keep the poster. :)

Then comes the afternoon when it started to rain super heavily. It rained heavily three times and the last rain was the time when I actually remembered about the poster that was placed out in the rain. I don’t know whether was there anyone who brought the poster in, then my mind started to think about the worst possibilities. Since the paint is watercolor, what if the rain caused the paint to drip down onto the bottom of the board and everything I drew before could not be seen anymore? My sister can no longer keep the poster that she said she wanted. She won’t be able to keep the poster, she’d be disappointed and sad cause she really liked it. Then comes the self blaming, fuck, why didn’t I take responsibility of it? It’s your work, Rena, you should have thought about it the first time that it rain and should have taken it indoors. That board is your work, that board is for your sister’s wedding, that board.. is what I painted with my heart so I could give it to my sister, the whole point of this board was to give it to my sister. I was literally in a despair, reallll reallll despair.

As I left the venue to the house for little while, I took a look at the poster, hoping that nothing bad has happened to it. To my surprise, nothing bad happened. The colours just faded a little, nothing worse happen to it. I was extremely relieved, you have no idea how relieved I was, but yet I kept blaming myself, I should have taken responsibility for it, it’s a gift for your sister, Rena. How could you just leave it out in the rain when you clearly know it’s watercolor paint, ffs.

But eventually, I’m just glad it was okay. My board was placed at her new home, at the top of her bed, and my board is featured in the wedding montage in the first few seconds of the video. I’m extremely proud, and extremely happy that my sister loves it :) This is what happens when you put heart and soul into something to give to someone, they will always appreciate you for that. 

They say people only remember the bad things you did and will forget about the good things you did. I have a question, were the good things you did sincere? Did it came out from your heart? Or was it merely just for self comfort, or self dignity? People will always remember things you do for them, when they see your sincerity. 

On 3 March after my sister’s wedding day, I had to go collect glasses over at my ahyi’s (my mother’s sister) house, cause I left my sister’s glasses with her and forgot to take it back. I got there and got the glasses, along with my aunty who accompanied me. Then there my aunty was, talking to my ahyi. I was looking at their mini aquarium and I don’t know how it started, but my ahyi told me that all the yi zhangs (my mother’s sisters’ husbands) dote on me a lot, especially this house’s yi zhang. He dotes on me so much as if i’m his own daughters, encourage me for my school.. tells me that I can do it and such things, always take the effort to ask about how my school is. I get so envious of my cousins because they have such a wonderful father who loves them so much, who provides them unconditional love, something that I never receive before - an unconditional love from a father.

Then there was my aunty talking to my ahyi about me. My aunty said that she was very happy that this house’s family have been providing me unconditional love, because she knows i’ve never gotten the chance to have a complete and loving family. I teared a lot but i blinked my eyes to not cry. I can’t cry in front of them, I don’t want people to see me cry because i’m in a sad state. It’s not that I don’t want sympathy for people, I just don’t want to break their heart cause they see me cry over my life.

No matter how incomplete and not loving my family is, I am always grateful for the people who stood by me and see me at my worst emotions, seeing me cry, seeing me pissed and angry, and I will always thank them for giving me support whenever I needed. Thank you. :) You’re the kind of people who gave me the reason why I never give up of people.

The month of January and February, i’m the most grateful towards my aunty. Without her, I don’t think I could pass by these 2 months easily. I had a lot of assignments to do, so busy with school i’d come home after submitting my work in school. Sometimes I’d stay in school till 12am to finish up my work and submit, the longest was till 1am. Instead of scolding me, she encouraged me and told me I could do it. I was so stressed out, so tired, so lost. She’d come to hug me and sayang me, pray for me and always tell me she loves me. 

I had problems with him i’d also share with my aunty. I’d cry in front of her and she’d always sayang me. She’d know when I cry at night before I sleep, she’d know when i’m sad, always takes the effort to observe my emotions, and is always happy when i’m happy. My aunty is the most understanding woman in my family, which is why i grew up to be understanding as her too.

Right now at the brink of losing a man at home, probably our family wouldn’t be able to pay my aunty anymore, so she’ll have to go home i guess. Who knows probably even before I graduate she won’t be with us anymore. But even if our family can no longer pay her, the least I want our family to do is to hold her till my poly graduation. She’s the most important woman in my life - over my own mother. This is as raw as I can go, I love my aunty and i’d do anything if I could just have her at my graduations and at my wedding in the future.

The older you get, the more shit you have to deal with, and the more first hand life lessons you get. Things will get harder, shittier, worse, unbearable, hopeless. Among all the heart breaks you get, remember to learn how your heart works, it’s the greatest life lesson. Amidst all these emotional roller coaster, remember to learn and grow stronger from it, learn from your mistakes and change your attitude. To me, the only way you’ll get through life is to, learn.