#i was so indecisive but chose my most recently played

[simsimulation]

URL SONG TAG GAME

rules of the game: link a song for each letter of your username

LOVE anything music related so thank you for the tag @cinamun . Not all songs have audio cause Tumblr..

S - Sodade

I - In a Sentimental Mood

M - My Skin My Logo

S - Santé

I -ice by Erika de Casier

M - Minor Feelings

U - Unravel

L - Lumumba

A - Andromeda

T - Top Dog - Magadelena Bay

I - I Tried - Brandy

O - Orange Moon

N - N.E.O.

This is all over the place but this is how I listen to music lol

I tag: @cowboycid @nightlifeseries @ladybugsimblr @mysimsloveaffair @beachyserasims @ellemant @niyahsiims @wannabe-simblr @bobnewbie

[ksnfangz]

EPISODE TWO — POLYAMOROUS COUPLE?

karaoke invites, date or no date?, hot basketball players and a jealous, jealous, jealous boysssss

You beam at the boy's note, fully content with the fact that the boy hadn't immediately shut you down. You chose to ignore the slight dig at your studying habits. Sunoo silently judged your giddiness as you smiled down at the crumbled piece of paper as if it were gold. " So I take it he's joining us tonight." Sunoo says currently doodling on his hand with a pen.

" Well not exactly! but he didn't say no." you replied tucking the note into your desk. " So are we supposed to wait all night to see if he shows up." Sunoo scoffs "Why couldn't he just give you a straight answer"

You shrug not at all bothered by Jungwon's indecisiveness you were just happy that he seems to be considering coming. Speaking of coming Sunghoon finally enters the class. "Rigged I tell you!" the boy shouts earning stares from his fellow classmates. " Hiw did Riki already make the basketball team when I've been trying to join since last year?" Sunghoon rants as he plops himself down into his seat. " I mean it isn't fair that he can just come into the school and already be a valued player!"

It was true, Sunghoon had been trying to join pretty much every sports team that the school had to offer, and the only one that gave him a chance was hockey since the boy was a very skilled ice skater, but Hoon complained about how he didn't want to turn a personal hobby into something competitive. Which you understood, but why the hell is he so obsessed with basketball all of a sudden?

" Maybe he's just as good as Heeseung and Jungwon! like Nabi said the other day." You claimed. " 1. Heeseung cannot be topped! I heard he's never missed a shot! 2. Jungwon is a team manager, not a player and Nabi never mentioned him." Sunghoon exclaims.

"There's no way he’s never missed..."

" That's so hot ."

" excuse me." You and sunghoon shout in unison.

"While I agree that Jungwon is hot I prefer to use the terms cute! or Handsome." you explain only to be waved off by Sunoo.

" I think basketball players are hot! especially Lee Heeseung and I wasn't referring to Jungwon he's like my brother." Sunoo says defensively. " I'm gonna go to the bathroom before class starts, be right back."

Sunghoon frowns. His eyes watched as Sunoo exited the classroom he knew the boy hadn’t really been feeling well today. Jealousy builds within the boy's stomach as he recalls sunoo’s earlier words. " You know what, I'm gonna be the best damn player on the team!" he states firmly.

“ dream on hoonie!”

"have either of you seen Ni-ki? he usually joins me for study hall but he wasn't there today." You ask approaching Sunghoon and Jungwon at their lunch table. Throwing your bag down without care not giving the two any time to respond as you rant about Sunoo leaving school early because he was sick. Which ultimately resulted in being alone and bored for most of the day when you weren’t with Sunghoon or Ni-ki.

Speaking of Ni-ki, over the past week, you had grown quite friendly with the Japanese boy. Sometimes help him study his Korean while he teaches you and Sunghoon how to play basketball and some Japanese. Though you’re positive he’s only taught you both curse words so far. Sunghoon recently received a detention after saying hello to his teacher is Japanese.

When the two boys shake their heads in response to your previous question a pout forms on your lips as you finally sit down at the table. “ I even brought him some Bungeoppang he says his mom used to make it all the time.” you say pulling out a small plastic container and grabbing one of the fish-shaped pastries for yourself.

“ you really can’t be away from him for an hour?” Jungwon asks his tone coming off a bit harsher than he expected. You look up at the boy confusedly before a teasing smile creeps onto your face.

“Aww is my jungwonie jealous? Don’t worry I have not given up on you yet! Ni-ki is my friend, I always miss my friends” you shrug ignoring the way Sunghoon rolls his eyes at your persistent flirting.

“ t-that’s not what– I’m not jealous … whatever.” Jungwon mumbled stuffing rice into his mouth hoping that the burning sensation in his cheeks came from the steam.

“ y/n-chan~” said an all too low voice.

“ Ni-ki! where were you? you skipped study hall you know you could get into real trouble for that.” You scold pulling the male to sit next to you. “ For your information, I was with the basketball coach he gave me an official schedule! we have a game coming up soon and I want you guys to be there.” Ni-ki says gesturing to the group. “ oh and Sunoo too, if he’s feeling better by then.”

“ We would love to come cheer on our star player! right hoonie?” You smile hugging Ni-ki's arm, Sunghoon sending you a knowing glare before agreeing to come. “ what about you jungwonie?”

“ I’m team manager I have to be there y/n.” Jungwon states coldly eyes locked into the way your arms are wrapped around the male next to you. “ Oh yeah! I almost forgot. Well, I’ll make sure to text Sunoo and let him know.” you nod mostly to yourself letting go of Ni-ki to offer him the BUNGEOPPANG you’d made for him.

“ Also Ni-ki we’re going to karaoke tonight! you should join us.” You say once again catching Jungwon's attention.

so it isn’t a double date …

“ As much as I would love to I have some studying to catch up on and my dad wants me to practice more.” Ni-ki replies politely declining the invite. You and Sunghoon groan in annoyance. “ come on Ni-ki you’ve practiced enough.” Sunghoon claimed with a mouth full of rice.

“ Exactly ~ all you’ve been doing is practicing and studying ever since you got here let’s have some fun.” You whine dramatically.

You were technically correct. When he wasn’t with you he was usually in the library studying or in the gym with his father. Also, the way you were currently looking at him and holding his hand made him want to immediately accept your offer, so he did. One missed practice couldn’t hurt.

“ Fine it’s a date, but you owe me! I’m gonna get in huge trouble for this.” the boy said taking some of the rice from your untouched plate. “ That’s okay if someone tries to scold you send them my way… I know a guy.” you whisper into the boy's ear causing him to laugh.

“ wait does that make us an official polyamorous couple?” Sunghoon asks earning a stare from the pair across from him. “ What he’s the one who called the group hangout a date yet I’m weird for wanting more reassurance on our relationship status?” Sunghoon exclaims lifting his hands in defense.

“ as if you’d ever let Sunoo near another man.”

“ says the girl who hasn’t let Ni-ki go since he got here.”

The sound of silverware clattering pulls your attention to the male across from you. Said male quickly dismissed himself leaving the table without another word. “ What’s up with him?” Ni-ki questions.

“ That’s just how he is you know. Kinda like an angry cat.” Sunghoon claims. “ A cute angry cat.” you correct.

“ here she goes again.” Sunghoon sighs. “ You know some people say i also look like a cat.” Ni-ki adds before the table falls silent.

prev . masterlist . next

a/n : sorry for slow updates and sorry for this shitty chapter!! school is kicking my ass as usual, it’s end of the year exam/ test season. || sorry for any spelling / grammar errors i’ll edit this later. enjoy!

Tag list : @aloloveswonie @soobs-things @yerisrev @gudkc @wonitten @jwonistic @kangseulgithegreat @icepshrince @hizhu @nyfwyeonjun comment or send ask to be added :) !! if your name is not tagged it means i wasn’t able to tag ur user, please check ur settings!

©KSNFANGZ. please do not plagiarise, repost, copy or translate any of my works without permission!

[anittam]

ToT Theory: We Already Passed The Prologue, We Just Didn't Realized It

Hi, nerds! I been on a break from playing tears of themis, bc for a while it stopped being a game I enjoy playing and started feeling more and more like a chore, but recently I started playing again, so I think I will start posting again, so yeah.

Yesterday when I got home from work, instead of my brain helping me relax, it kept bombarded me with abstract and useless concepts, preventing me from sleeping, and just like that, this theory was born.

Warning: Crack theory (I meant it), and spoilers.

I have no clue of how long you been playing tot, but let me tell you something, early game tot fandom were fighting for the lives, because of the game's prologue, that shit was crypted (I not sure if I used this right) as fuck, for no good reason. Trust me when I say, people were losing iq points trying to get some sense out of this.

So many theories were made, some saying that vyn was the villian, rosa was a traitor or amnesiac, stuff like that, but what most theories had in common was that the prologue happend somewhere in the future of the game, that eventually we would do a full circle and go back to the begining of the game.

So here is my sleep deprivation theory on this subject, the prologue happended somewhere between the blossom chapter 4 and the first year anniversary.

Hear me out, at this point of the game I fully I believe that the dream sequence was really a dream, and not a trance vision. Rosa, our sweet sweet Rosa, just received love confessions from her four good male friends, and she doesnt know what to do, she is overthinking and overanalyzing trying to decide who she should chose, because she likes all four of them in a romantic way. She is thinking about it so much that she even started dreaming about it.

In the dream sequence, she sees the boys, Luke, Artem and Marius, and its connection with them, being represented by 3 objects.

If you paid attention to the blossom chapters, you would realize that thoses objects where thing that represents Rosa getting closer to them, by the way, all of those objects where introduce in the first blossom chapter (I think is because the writes just had a general ideia of the way the story would go so they just putted there in the beginning so they wouldnt have to think to much about them). The 3 objects were, luke's box, which is a central point to his personal story, a painting Marius gifted Rosa, and a bouquet Artem sended to Rosa (I know the flower is not the same, but the change is to represent Rosa's feelings at that moment).

These 3 things, although important in helping Rosa and the ones she loved build a strong relationship, it also brings her sorrow because of her indecision. Because she cant possibly love four people at the same time, thats insane, and cruel on them.

But anyway, after that she sees herself in vyn's office, and he say some weird shit, which phrase referring to one of the boys.

Luke: he talks about the chest of memories, rosa spent 8 years think about luke, what she did wrong, why he abandoned her, just for him to throw some bullshit excuse at her, in luke's first bithday card, Rosa say that she hated luke, but she cant stop loving him. But since he came back, she started to learn more and more about him, and his new life, and she is not exactly thrilled. When it come to she and Luke, there are trust issues, that are very hard to overlook, but they learn to work it out.

Marius: he talks how Rosa pretends to be okay and she is not, and that my friends is a recurring theme in their relationship. And not only her, but Marius is the same, they are constantly trying to not let the other know whats going on, they put on this facade of "im fine, dont worry" which just let the other more concerned. They have communication problems, but as the story they learn to be more open, and properly communicate their needs and concerns.

Artem: this part is the most used in "Rosa is a traitor" theories, because vyn talks about standing by your convictions but betraying your heart. And seeds of this happening was already presented in cannon storyline and in the Artem's personal story, in chapter 3 of the cannon story, Rosa strongly believes that the law is wrong, because if mother killed to save their child, they shouldnt be punished. And Artem's blossom chapter 2, Rosa wants to go against her clients wishes and push her to put her husband to trail for domestic abuse. In both scenerios, Rosa show herself to be a very closed mind person, and if she thinks somethinf is right, she would stand by it to the very end, what ends up causing friction between her and Artem. But in the end she give up her ideials, to do the "right thing", and that is her greatest conviction, doing what is right, she doesnt always agree, and sometimes she gets hurt in the process, but she done right nonetheless. Alternatively, it could also mean, think she has to choose one boy, even if she likes all four.

And after that she start feeling overwhelmed, she is in pain, and vyn makes her go to sleep again.

Now, what about vyn? What is his part in all of this? Since they barely touched on the hypnosis subject on the game, we could link this to one other moment in the game, in vyn's blossom chapter 4, Rosa witness vyn hypnotizing a pacient to help her realize that the one she loved was only using her, which left an impact on Rosa. Maybe her subconscious thought that such practice would help her decided which boy she should choose, but that didnt help her, just left her more confused.

And then she woke up. Without having her response, and still not knowing who to pick.

And this is my theory.

[fangirl-erdariel]

One thing that's jumped at me on my most recent reread (well, i'm listenibg to an audiobook, but either way) of LOTR, is that Aragorn has this... honestly quite specific way he responds to feeling like he has made a mistake (whether or not the audience or even the narrative would blame him for that, which is neither here nor there for my current point), that I feel like a lot of the fandom (myself included) and a lot of fanfics don't really get, and that doesn't really carry over to the movie adaptation either

Like, on one hand, verbally he's going to beat himself up about it, he's going to go "oh i have messed this up!" very much out loud

But then at the same time, he doesn't really let that halt him, like, he's still gonna get back to going and act to salvage the situation as best he can very quickly, possibly even while he is still beating himself up about it

And like we do see him do this a bunch. Most noticeably of course over the stretch from Rauros to Fangorn, Breaking of the Fellowship and Boromir's death to meeting Gandalf the White, but before that too

At Weathertop, we get him going argh i've been too careless and impatient. But there's no way to turn back time, the enemy has now spotted them and some of the signs there might have been about recent goings-on were messed up before he could investigate them, so all that can be done is prepare and stand their ground as best they can, and deal with the consequences when they come

After the Fellowship escapes Moria, as they're making toward Lothlórien, you get the, oh shit i forgot you were injured i'm really sorry about that i was concentrating on getting distance between us and the orcs you should've said something (tbh out of everything, this instance is in my opinion the least amount his fault). But all that can be done is carry Frodo and Sam until they reach a place where they can stop for a bit, and then tend to their injuries, which is what he does without further delay

Those are the main ones I can think of off the top of my head (there's maybe a couple others but those are too vague and dependent on reader's interpretation of tone to feel worth including), but I feel like it is enough to start making a pattern

Interestingly, he doesn't do it when the attempt to cross Caradhras (which in the book was because of Aragorn's insistence to avoid Moria if at all possible; in the movie it's played a bit differently) ends in them all nearly freezing to death. Whether it's because at first he's busy not freezing to death and getting back down from the mountain and not being killed by wargs, and then he's busy acting like he's not fucking terrified of going into Moria because of some past traumatic experience we never get any more information on, or because however much he hates the idea, the back-up plan of going through Moria is already in place, or because he trusts Gandalf to be able to keep things in control, or what, i'm not sure, but it's the one major exception i can think of.

And it's not really uncertainty or indecisiveness or self-doubt, even though I can see how it would easily read that way, especially if the only example that's ever caught your eye is the bit after Rauros (like, at that point, he does genuinely doubt himself a bit, and it does mix together with his beating himself up over his mistakes, but the source of the self-doubt still is not in his general way of reacting to his mistakes, but rather because he's been forced two choose between two roads that both felt to him like his duty, and he's still not certain he chose the right one).

Really, it seems like it's just... well, just his way of reacting. Maybe it's venting his frustrations, maybe it's reminding himself how careful he must be, how little he can afford mistakes, that he can't allow himself to make this mistake in the future. Maybe just generally being harsh on himself. But whatever it is, it's not, I think, doubt or uncertainty, it's a separate thing.

Anyway yeah idk what my conclusion here actually is but. Just an observation I've made recently aboyt the ways Aragorn tends to act

[markantonys]

Reading Lord of Chaos now and there's SO much good Gawene content. "Rare was the man who wanted to marry a woman who, with the Power, could handle him like a child if she chose." Well this man likes it!!

It feels weird to me that people hate him, because malewives are such an important part of the Wheel of Time world of gender relationships, and Gawyn is the Ultimate Malewife.

LOC was the book that first got me truly invested in gawyn and in gawene! and what a top-tier line that i'd forgotten!! rare is the man who wants to marry a woman who could handle him like a child but gawyn is over here going "mommy? sorry. mommy?" god bless him. he IS the Ultimate Malewife! he's crucial to the ecosystem!

it truly is baffling that he is the #1 Most Hated WOT Character. he doesn't do anything! at most i could see people finding him boring or annoying, but the level of hatred directed at him just makes no sense. most of the Reasons Why Gawyn Sucks posts i see are just people deliberately interpreting everything he does in the most uncharitable light possible, or hating him for things that they straight up made up and that did not happen in the text lmao

but also, getting briefly into a couple instances of Narrative Malpractice (to use @butterflydm's recently-coined phrase) re: gawyn later in the series. if i'm remembering correctly, you know most/all spoilers but this is your first time reading the series, so i'm putting a cut here to be safe - i don't mention any big spoilers though, just a few things that may not make total sense if you haven't read the book in question haha (mostly with TOM and point #2)

i feel like the biggest actual, not-made-up-by-haters issues are 1) gawyn was sooooo slowburned because his storyline can't move forward until egwene's does and hers can't move forward until the ta'veren boys' do and mat is busy getting walls dropped on him and fucking around in a circus for 4 books and killing the pacing, and so the ripple effect out from that makes it feel like gawyn is sitting around stewing in indecision for way longer than he actually is.

and 2) when sanderson took over, he brought with him a hell of a lot of real-world patriarchy-rooted assumptions of what it means to be a prince, and applied those to gawyn in a way that does not make sense since gawyn is a prince in a matriarchal society (or rather, in a country with matriarchal royal succession; culturally, andor is definitely not a full matriarchy despite what reddit believes). so he invented this whole arc of "gawyn needs to learn how to be a warder instead of a prince aka how to step out of the spotlight and live in a woman's shadow" but as the son of the reigning queen and brother & protector to the future queen, gawyn was literally raised from birth to be in a woman's shadow instead of holding the spotlight himself. this is not an issue for him. he literally swore the oath "my blood shed before hers, my life given before hers" as a toddler and was raised with that mentality, which translates pretty fuckin directly to being a warder and being in the shadow of a woman who's more important than him!

but sanderson assumes that a prince would struggle to play second fiddle to an aes sedai, because that would be the case for a prince raised in a patriarchal royal family. which is a shame because it leads to takes like "gawyn hates that egwene is more powerful than him" which is patently untrue for his original characterization, as you point to with this line straight out of RJ's mouth! (and even for his sanderson characterization it's patently untrue since the conclusion of that arc is that gawyn DOES happily step into egwene's shadow.) it's also a shame because that struggle between his identity & duty as a prince vs. as a warder could have been really interesting, but sanderson approached it from the wrong angle. alas!

in conclusion, the only things wrong with gawyn are things that are the authors' fault, but gawyn himself has done nothing wrong ever in his life <3 i have faith that the show can bring more people around to him! especially because galad will be there being so rancid in comparison as a show!whitecloak.

[chicinlicin]

i keep forgetting to post my responses to wol/oc questions over here OTL so here's a little hoard of elf facts

Compare your height to your wol/oc's!!!

rune is short tall. lumi is tall short . together none of us are tall lol

rune is shorter than elezen min height. lumi is taller than max lala. i'm me sized.

first drawing and most recent!

rune was very briefly a pink witch before going tits out cowboy at an alarmingly speed (shit actually i need to draw more cowboy)

i will always find it funny how fast i also went from drawing like steven universe and cute magical girls to "i will now only draw my scrunkly as shit elf. they are literally the only thing i want to draw" and i've learned so much from that lol

i think it was literally like a month between cute witch and fantasia thoughts fffkfflff (that art is from like june, so here's a more recent one cause i love comparisons :D )

for those with wols/ocs that have names that don't follow their race's naming conventions: why did you choose that name?

rune is an alias they chose to avoid being tracked after leaving sharlayan, only to later find out no one had enough interest in their research to warrant finding them :| but they liked it so it stuck

they do have a proper elezen name but i keep changing it cause i'm indecisive, but also they'd only use rune around most people anyways so it's fine fffff someone says they're good at inscribing runes one time and they make it their whole thing

ooc reason is cause i name all my game characters some variant of rune aren after my first skyrim character so i don't spend 6 hours on the character create screen and i didn't think i'd like playing enough to worry about a lore compliant name OTL

#wolqotd player question — are you younger or older than your WoL and did any thought go into their age?

I had rune around 30, then I mathed a bunch figuring out how long it took jannequinard and leveva to learn astromancy, and serendipity goldsmithing, how old they'd be at the sharlayan exodus, and how long it'd take to become an archon...to end up at 30 again OTL

oh I'm gonna be rune age next year fghffgfffgf

Lumi is 32 and had a similar thing but figuring out how old she'd have to be to have a red mage stone, and training in a bunch of fields. I've been thinking she should be a little older though...

Other than you wol(oc)’s current hair color, what color would they dye it?

rune naturally has greyish brown hair, they get the top bleached, this is an excuse for me to show them with their hair grown out lol

I've tried them with yellow before which worked surprisingly well, they'd try any colour as long as it keeps the two-tone

what does your wol/oc think about archon loaf? are they from sharlayan? was 5.3 the first time they tried it?

rune is sharlyan. unfortunately. they love it. even after leaving they still eat it when they wanna work instead of make real food. eating a proper meal will make them sob with how nice it tastes, then later they're back to eating the stupid loaf again.

their mum grew up near gridania and makes a somewhat nicer version without the fish. it still has most of the uh- qualities of a traditional archon loaf though

[maximuswolf]

I know posts about learning life lessons from games are a bit cliche but The Witcher 1 genuinely enlightened me and taught me an invaluable a life lesson that I've been lacking for my whole life. If you have similar stories feel free to share.

I know posts about learning life lessons from games are a bit cliche, but The Witcher 1 genuinely enlightened me and taught me an invaluable a life lesson that I've been lacking for my whole life. If you have similar stories, feel free to share. Hi.I'm u/Askin_real_Questions and I'm chronically indecisive.It's fucked me up in every single aspect of my life over the past 32 years. I've walked away from opportunities rather than having to make a choice in my personal, professional and lovelife due to to this indecisiveness.This even reflected how I played vidogames. In thousands of hours of skyrim, I not once went with the imperials because if I dont know what im missing then its not that bad. In thousands of hours of Fallout 4, Not once did I fully side with a single faction and eliminated the rest. I fucking hated having to make those kinds of decisions in videogames.I recently picked up the witcher and witcher 2 from the summer sale, because I wanted to experience the full story. What I wasn't ready for, was how the game forces you to make a HUGE decision, which would Drastically impact the next 30 - 50 hours of how you finish the game, as well as the witcher 2 because your save carries over. Now, normally I'd choose the bitch way out and look up in depth guides on what exactly are the consequences, pros and cons of each decision.Not this time though.Because of the pacing of this game, and with the help of a good couple of beers while playing through this section, Over the course of 6 to 10 hours of game time, you are met with MULTIPLE NPCs (scroll to 5:07:17 if it doesnt start there) literally telling you that you have to take a stand and that you cannot keep being indecisive (or in a nicer way "Neutral"). You are forced to take note of what is happening around you. The link I posted was just one of many.Eventually I decided that for once in my life I'm gonna make the choice. Yes, some shit happened that I wasn't expecting that made me go "damn, I chose wrong". But a lot of other stuff happened that was awesome and I would have missed out on if I didn't make this choice. And you know what? I realized that if I were given a third, neutral "Indecisive" option, I would have missed out on both of these awesome paths! Because sometimes you need to make a big decision if you want to see big results. If shit goes your way, great! if it doesn't, it is what it is.I repeat. It is what it is. I've had to make peace with not always being able to control the outcome of things, sometimes that means regret, other times it doesn't. And that's the hardest part I had to learn.If you've made it this far past this wall of text, I thank you for hearing me out. And if you didn't, that's cool too. I just needed to get this out into the world.TLDR: Spent my whole life missing out on opportunities because of my own indecisiveness. In the end, no bold revelation, or even grand epiphany pulled me out of it. But some very basic 16/17 year old videogame.Edit just for fun: As a testament to my indecisiveness, Witcher 1 doesn't overwrite your quicksaves, it created a new one each time. I logged a total of around 1400 quicksaves throughout the whole of witcher 1 enhanced edition. Most of them for freaking dialogue options. The game would come close to lagging out when I tried to load a save, so I had to delete them in batches when they came close to 300. Submitted July 31, 2024 at 08:43AM by Askin_Real_Questions https://ift.tt/YymLiVW via /r/gaming

[papers4me]

List of Intriguing Golden Kamuy Characters: (part 1)

As I read more chapters of Golden Kamuy, the characters get more fleshed out & layers upon layers of their broken selves get explored.

A general theme: is the the changing mentality of men before, a mid & after wars. How their psyche & mind change as the brutality of war breaks them apart.This manga is very unique in presenting its characters as human with degrees of good & bad in every one of them. None of these men is innocent & naive. They’re all aware of their current position as war soldiers whether deserters, discharged or on duty. Basically it is a manga abt broken men. Asirpa, the sole female protagonist, is presented as an innocent but practical character, but will she stay the same or will the hunt for gold & the worry for Ainu future change her?

Fascinating aspect: the dynamics between characters are one of the most entertaining in anime that I’ve read! truly unique. The characters, thanks to the plot, are forced to change sides & join different groups repeatedly throughout the story & each time, I discover new brilliant dynamics!!! The humor is good with a dash of adult jokes! The deadly hotel dynamics, the circus dynamics, the trip to Abashiri, the trip to Karafatu dynamics! & more, are all well-done.

Below, I’ll write very short & general broad summary of what I find fascinating abt each character. I’ll divide them into groups.  ( contains spoilers)

1.Sugimoto's group:

Saichi Sugimoto: the protagonist. A discharged soldier. He is a troubled soul who has very low self worth despite his immense desire to stay alive. His kindness contrast his violent brutality. He kills criminals/soldiers with no mercy yet he’ll put himself in danger for those he cares for. I’m especially interested in his journey to reconcile with past self. I need for him to have a journey away from Asirpa & everybody. A self cleansing path where he accepts that perhaps it’s okay for him to not end up in Hell. His own personal issues with his past & the guilt he carries coupled with his fear that Umeko (his first love & his friend’s widow) will see the monster that he believes he’s become is highly fascinating to me! How will he deal with that? & if he were to ever meet Umeko again will she sense the past Saichi or the blood drenched Sugimoto or if there will be a different Sugimoto when the gold hunt is over? Perhaps, we won’t ever know. Perhaps letting her go & letting all his past go is part of his new journey? Can you start new while ignoring the past? I need to see Sugimoto’s own journey!

Asripa: 12 or 13 year old girl who is independent & capable to sustain herself without the need of any man. This child’s young age is especially important for the story that is full of adult  & veteran men of war as she represents the hopeful future. The future is the children who shouldn’t be plagued by their parents’ sins & desires. Her father put her in the center of danger & threw a huge burden on her. His own dream that is conveniently introduced as the salvation of her ppl. A dream that kept changing with every new step he takes, a dream that clashes with other men’s dream & for them to achieve theirs, they need Asripa who is is in the middle of it all. I want Asripa to find a path that is hers, not her father’s. Moreover, I want her to grow independently from Sugimoto whom she now considers the center of her own dream. She needs to see the world & grow up as a woman before she ties herself with others for life.

 Shiraish: A comic relief convict with unique escape skills, who in the later chapters has grown immensely without loosing his comic value! I love his growth!! & yet is to come! he’s become the rational one in the group while being super silly! Very satisfying indeed!

2.The 7th Division: (aka the most fascinating set of characters)

Tokushirō Tsurumi: One of the most well-written villains that I’ve recently come across. He’s fluid, entertaining, manipulative & fascinating. You literally can’t predict his moves or even his moods! Can’t tell if what he’s saying is truth or lie. Tsurumi is the writer’s unchained character cuz while Hijikata is tied a bit by historical reference to a real character, Asirpa to the Auni & Sugimoto as her bodyguard. The writer can simply write Tsurumi freely to fit every shape & every mold. There’s even logical reason for his mood swings & erratic behavior; he lost part of his brain in a war explosion & wears a metal plate to cover the open wound. He’s extremely clever, analytical & his schemes go along way into the past. He even molded & exploited his men to his advantage. He has a tragic background & in the later chapter was able to validly show the pros & cons of Wilk & Hijikata’s plan’s while masquerading his as the more logical one. He can be a comic relief, terrifying, genuine, cunning, loving, despicable, handsome, disgusting & above all it creeps me out how alive he seems in the chapters! he’s so animated I feel he’ll leave the manga panel & invade my space!! good stories need well-written antagonist & the writer really hit it with Tsurumi! well-done.

Hyakunosuke Ogata: Another unpredictable character. Like Tsurumi, he’s given a tragic background & just like Tsurumi as well, he makes unexcused & horrible decisions. Clearly he’s mentally unstable (a running theme in GK). Ogata, in addition to being the best sniper in the show & performing well in war, chose to add innocent victims to his list. He shot his brother & even attempted to kill Asipra, any writer will make this as simply a lunatic character, but this writer chose to tie such unexcused behavior to Ogata’s unstable psyche to show that from his own perspective; it makes sense! Afterall, it’s simply “ normal” to not ever feel guilt over killing human. His brother comes to haunt him in one of the most cinematic scenes & even plays with his mind. You’d think Ogata has gone rouge against everybody? Guess again, he’s got allies. Told you it’s hard to predict!

Genjirō Tanigaki: loved, endearing & dumb. lol. he’s simply a “shoujo girl” in a historic war manga. Tanigaki started dark, torn, filled with guilt in one of the tragic background stories, but was released from his tormented soldier persona by a convict who taught him, it is okay to start a new again. Desert the army, let go of the past & start again. he’s rewarded with a wife & a daughter but not before going on a journey with the others to showcase his manly charms & naive persona! love him.

Hajime Tsukishima: Another fascinated character that silently took me off guard with how much I cared for him! I had to go back & see where did he start! He was a background character assisting Tsurumi, then slowly became a prominent character with his own fascinating background story where you feel for him & see the depth of Tsurumi’s manipulation. I can’t even begin to explain Tsukishima mentality & psyche in this short summary! he’s got depth! that’s for sure.

Otonoshin Koito: the youngest in the division & one of the youngest men in the entire cast, but got high army rank thanks to his father & joining a military academy. You wanna know how manipulative Tsurumi is? read Koito’s background story. epic! Koito is impulsive, stubborn, inexperienced & highly skilled. He’s a bit naive at times but not dumb. He’s got amazing comic relief value tied with plot importance! His dynamics with Tsukishima & Ogata & Sugimoto are brilliant! you’ll never get bored!

Tokishige Usami : another unstable character. He shares Ogata’s belief that it’s normal to not feel guilt. Through him the writer argues that whether you come from tragic background (Ogata) or loving family (Usami), not feeling the slightest guilt over killing human is not normal. Ogata kills his mother while Usami kills his friend, both were young when they did their first innocent kill. However, unlike Ogata, Usami is very loyal to Tsurumi & obsessive of him. He’s strong, skilled, deadly & very creepy!! like very~~~~ creeeeepy~

Kōhei Nikaidō: from one of the creepiest sadistic soldiers to a sad, mentally unstable & tormented shell. He’s become such a valuable comic relief! I used to shudder when I see him, now I can’t stop laughing. Hard fall for the sadistic Nikaido! lol.

Kiktua: a new addition. So secretive & appears level headed & has good sense of morals.

Airko: another new addition: Ainu soldier. Appears naive, with high morals yet indecisive.

I could say more abt each character, but this is meant to be a summary. Each character is deep & has broken mentality that led to their decisions whether excused or unexcused. The convicts & Hijikata are next! But I had to start with Sugimoto & the 7th division! cuz that’s the main dish!

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Hi there could I get general boyfriend headcanons for kageyama please😊recently followed ur blog and it’s so good! Keep up the good work🥰

A?N Thank you so much for the request!!!! 😊❤❤ I am so glad you like my blog!! It’s a total work in progress but it is so fun getting to share my writing with the world!! 

Kageyama was crushing on you for the longest time and couldn’t make himself approach you

You would talk to him or ask to borrow a pencil or something and he would literally malfunction and couldn’t handle himself

He just knew right away that he liked you and that you were the most gorgeous girl ever and he would not be able to handle himself

If you spoke with any of the other volleyball boy’s he would get jealous because if his dorky friends can talk to you than he should be able to too 

It takes the whole VBC encouraging him for him to ask you out 

When he does he is blushy and stutters through the whole thing

Nearly faints when you say yes, he just breaks

Your first date is really awkward because he is afraid of messing things up but you both enjoy yourselves

Definitely gets more comfortable as time goes on, begins to go from walking awkwardly next to each other to holding hands and things

He is terrified for your first kiss, he doesn't want to embarrass himself but after a really cute date (and a lot of pep talks from his boys) he kisses you 

After the first kiss he loves to kiss you all the time 

Is 100% the type of bf to cup your face in his hands and lean down even for just a quick peck

Seeing you turn as bright red makes him feel less embarrassed about how blushy he is 

Tries really hard to use pick up lines and things to make you blush but he always gets them wrong and ends up blushing

Butttt if you call him cute or adorable he is going to be thinking about it all day, literally until the end of time 

WIll walk into the locker room with heart eyes completely in a daze just mumbling to himself over and over “she thinks I’m cute”  and it takes  a lot to get him out of one of these moods

Way too blushy for PDA at school, he dosen’t want to get made fun of by everyone for being so red (or as Tanaka puts it “whipped”) but absolutely loves holding your hand when the two of you walk to and from school or when you go on dates

He also loves hugs, pulling you close and having you embrace him 

When you are cuddling he likes to lay with his head on your chest so that he can hear your heartbeat because he finds it super comforting 

For him cuddling comes really naturally somehow, he just rests his hands where he would want you to rest yours if the position was flipped

Cuddling with Kags usually ended up with one or both of you asleep and waking up and smiling at each other

Definitely has you in his phone under a cute nickname

Also has a picture of the two of you as his background because you just make him so happy (his screensaver is something volleyball related because he doesn’t want the other boys to get to see such a soft side of him) 

He loves when you pull him in for a picture with you, he always pretends to be grouchy about it but ends up smiling every single time 

Kagegama absolutely cannot handle it when you bring him snacks for practice 

He treats it like a foreign delicacy because it just means the world to him

10000% will buy you milk drinks and give them to you, he loves you and he loves milk so he figures that you would love milk too (flawed logic but it’s super cute to you)

As we all know (from the way he presses both buttons for milk at the same time) Kags is super indecisive, so when the two of you want to go out to eat one of you has to cave and make the decision otherwise you end up spending an hour going back and forth with ideas and get nowhere and then you’re both grouchy and starving 

He thinks that it is the cutest thing ever and just makes him want to work harder

Doesn’t always like when you stay and watch practice because he doesn’t want you to accidentally get hit and you distract him wayyy too much, so instead he likes to come over after practice for cuddling/homework/movies

Is super affectionate after practice, loves to kiss you over and over again because you just make him so happy and he just cares for you so much 

He does get whiny for attention though 

Y/N kiss me pleaseeeee

Can I get a hug 

Come here so I can cuddle 

The poor baby does not handle being tired well and just wants to wrap you up and take you home with him so that he can cuddle with you forever 

ALso is super hungry after practice and loves if you two cook together or go out and eat

Does not understand how you can be so cute 

The question plagues him mind over and over again because he just thinks the world of you

When you go to his games he always will find you in the crowd and smile at you 

He listens in and only wants to hear your voice

Every time you cheer for him he feels an overwhelming sense of pride and love like you are really there supporting him

He also loves to see you in his volleyball jacket because then no ne can approach you and if they do he has some not so nice words to say to them

Would literally throw hands if someone tried to mess with you and you would have to reassure him really quick or there would be a brawl, he doesn’t like the idea of you even talking with other guys, let alone strangers 

When he gets close to a big game you help him practice by tossing balls to him 

He doesn’t critique anything you do when you help him practice because he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings and he is too happy that you are helping him

He always thinks of it like this is a possible ball from a receive, what a great job 

Cannot and will not say anything negative about you because he is just so in love with you

If anyone says anything bad about you they get angry Kageyama 

If it’s any of the volleyball boys making fun of you or him he will not send them any balls for the entire practice even after Daichi tells him to 

Will watch TLC shows with you and actually ends up getting really into Say Yes to the Dress with you 

The two of you will shout at the TV about how she chose the wrong dress for her body type or how she should not be looking at dresses that over budget

He loves when you play with his hair, he just melts into your touch when you do that 

He also likes to get you little things that remind him of you while he is away for volleyball

When he is away he loves when you text him updates on what you’re doing so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out too much

You record every game of his they play on TV because he thinks it is so cool that he ended up on TV even if it was only for a minute or so 

If you come to his games at least once bring a camera and take action shots of him because he will literally love them so much and you can bet your ass that he is going to send any good ones you get into the VBC group chat and show it off

Is not big on actually showing you off because your beauty speaks for itself and he doesn’t have to say a word for people to be impressed by you

He loves you so loyally and never ever ever would look at another girl because he is yours and they do not matter

[lunasilvermorny]

Hogwarts Mystery - The Sims 4 version of MC

So I’ve been messing around with the Sims 4 for a while, to create Luna’s house, because I want to draw backgrounds more, but I’ve never really learned how to draw them properly. It’s a prospective thing.

Anyway... So I’ve been playing the Sims 4 for a while and just recently started using costume content (I know, I suck.. and I’ve been playing this since I was a kid!) and decided to revisit my model of Luna in CAS.

Long story short, I really liked the new looks, so much so that I’ve decided to make a whole post about it. The problem is - since I’m a very indecisive person, I’ve made a few versions that I like and choosing just one of them feels like a waste to me.

So here are the four versions I’ve made, plus the final version I chose for my game:

1. The most faithful to the current headcanon:

That’s the only hairstyle I found that got even close to the headcanon hairstyle of Luna. The color and length are off, but it is still the closest out of everything.

The outfit is also very close to the default outfit I give Luna in drawings.

2. Sabrina-esque Luna:

I don’t know why, but I feel like this version fits perfectly within “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” universe. She looks like a combination of Sabrina and Prudence.

Anyway, there are a lot of things that make her look less like Luna, but I feel it also captures the essence of her character, in a weird way.

3. Default-hair Luna:

That’s the length and color of hair I give Luna whenever I don’t know yet or don’t remember the hairstyle she has at a certain point in time. Also, it’s the headcanon hairstyle of year 4. (Not necessarily the braid.)

The outfit is very close as well, since Luna always wear buttoned-up shirts and... is there a name for these kind of pants? I’m sure there is, but I don’t know it.

4. Cutie-pie Luna:

This is probably the furthest from the headcanon, except the shirt, but it was very cute and I wanted to include this version of her. Also, it’s like a combination of current Luna (make-up, piercing) and year 3 Luna. (short hair)

Weirdly enough, that’s probably how her little sister, Olivia, will look like at that age.

I don’t know, I just liked it and felt like sharing.

5. The version I chose for my gameplay:

It’s basically the first option with the third option’s hairstyle.

The reason is - I really like the outfit and the make-up, but I just can’t go with the first hairstyle - it’s too short and I feel like the length is more important to her character in general than color or style. Long, blond hair will always have some validity in the headcanon, no matter when. That’s why I prefer it.

---

Mods I used in this post:

Pufferhead stuff - fan-made expansion pack

Piercing

Eye color

Hairstyle 1

Hairstyle 2

Hairstyle 3

Hairstyle 4

Leggings

---

And now a question to whomever read this post and want to share their opinion.

Who was your favorite Luna? Also - would you be interested in a post about Luna’s house or should I stick to just drawing it?

It’s the first Sims 4 post I’ve ever made, so I’m not sure if anyone would even like it, but if you actually read this thing (or even just skimmed through it, let’s be honest, it’s not a thinker.)  - don’t be shy! Feel free to share your thoughts, if you have any!

[b-kitsune]

Many ways to say I love you: Day Twenty-Nine.

Kidge-a-palooza 2019 Prompt: Elegance. Pairing: Kidge (VLD) Universe: Victorian!AU. Status: Part 4/4

She tightened his tie more tightly so that the knot was perfect enough and the collar of his shirt didn't get messy, earning a small claim from her son for pulling him while ordering the last details of his outfit made for that afternoon, where important figures and renowned people would visit the estate of her dear friend Allura that afternoon. Katie gave him a brief warning look to keep his still for a few more seconds as soon as she heard a refusal about the outfit that Katie chose so carefully while removing wrinkles from his suit with her hands to finish her job.

''Daddy, mom is squeezing a lot.'' The boy complained as soon as he saw his father enter the room looking for something in the furniture that decorated it. Katie raised an inquiring eyebrow.

''You are very wrong if you think that your dear father will help you escape, I still have to brush your hair.''

''Pope!'' The fearful boy groaned at his mother's words, but Keith just shrugged with a funny laugh as he continued searching through the drawers of the room.

''I'm sorry buddy, mom is ordering you properly so that all of our friends see how big you've grown since last summer.'' Keith said approaching his wife, drawing her attention with one hand on her shoulder. ''Pidge, do you know where I left the silver shirt cufflinks?''

''They broke up at Lance's house during your last friendly competition.'' Answered sardonic Pidge, hitting both hands in allusion to the fight they had months ago for drinking too much. Keith walked away ashamed of his wife. ''You can use the wolf shirt cufflinks, they will look good with your jacket.''

''Yes, I think you are right.''

She snorted in response listening to her husband head towards the bathroom with the ornaments on his hands while doing her best to battle with the hair of her beloved son. The knots that were created while sleeping could only be thanks to the genetic inheritance of the Holt family. So she would be lucky if she made Steven look presentable after playing around her dear friend's farm. Her son had the bad habit of jumping and jumping into the grass as soon as she lost sight of him for a few minutes, something he had categorically not inherited from her at all.

Katie had to make sure that her image looked impeccable at least until they arrived at Allura's house in a few more hours, or all her work during the morning would have been useless. Usually, they were the employees who had to take care of her son's attire, but Katie couldn't allow anyone to take care of Steven from birth, just as her mother did with her and her older brother, even giving him of breastfeeding during the first months. Something unthinkable for a woman in her class and strongly criticizing her social circle, but when Katie had given her son to a nurse the first days of his birth reluctantly, something inside her heart was removed from possession and jealousy.

She wanted to be the one to feed her son, take care of him, dress him and educate him in the sciences that her family loved so much. Having it only for her and that nobody dared to interfere in her upbringing. Keith on the other way, didn't turn mostly against when he learned that Katie dismissed the nurses he hired for the care of his firstborn, even thinking that it was much better for someone close to be in the care of his beloved son.

But Katie would never have thought that raising a child was such an exhausting task. Even at just four years old, Steven seemed to have a personal record of making his parents lose their temper before they could send him to military school. Keith used to have a little more patience with him, letting Katie know that during his childhood he also mediates his parents' patience with almost vandalism. Katie almost admired her mother daily when she had to deal with her son's attitudes in which she often saw her attitude and temper reflected in him.

In spite of everything, she loved her firstborn deeply.

''Keith, did you remember to lock the wolves before leaving?'' Katie asked when she saw her husband get in the car. He nodded securely indicating to leave.

''Yeah, Beezer will release them during the afternoon.''

''Mom, let's stay at home, Kosmo will miss us.'' Steven asked with a hint of affliction in his eyes. Katie stroked his head affectionately.

''Don't worry about him, you heard dad, they will be fine without us. Don't you want to see Uncle Matt and Uncle Shiro, honey? They have missed you all this time.''

''... Yes?'' Katie gave him a big hug at her innocent tone.

''Speaking of uncles...'' Keith said with a serious countenance. ''How long do you think it takes for Lance and Allura to get out of the shadows?''

''Who knows, sometimes I asked me which of the two is blinder to the interests of the other.'' Katie smiled wistfully. ''I remember that when I was waiting for Steven, they behaved quite collaboratively with each other... I thought they would finally realize their feelings, but I guess it wasn't enough.''

''This is ridiculous, at this rate they will die ignorant about what they feel for the other. Those cowards''

''Since when are you so engaged in the interests of others, dear?'' Katie asked somewhat surprised about Keith's recent interest, he removed himself uncomfortably from his seat, without connecting his gaze to her.

''How strange is my concern for a dear friend?''

''Yes, especially if it's Lance. You usually enjoy his misfortune.''

''... Okay.'' He answered resigned, he knew that lying to Katie was a useless task. ''I may have benefited economically from his indecision.''

''Have you been betting with Hunk again?''

-''With Shiro. And honestly, the game lost the fun for years.''

''Oh my god, you are terrible people.''

''That's what Matt said when he found out and started betting on Allura's favor three months ago.''

Katie was perplexed to learn that her brother had also lent himself to entertain the situation of her friends, preferring to change the topic of conversation before the new projects that her husband's company was starting and prevent her son from knowing the bad practices of his father. It was impressive how much Keith had changed since he began spending time with Hunk and Lance, but even for her to bet on her friends' private life was to cross the boundaries, she didn't want to deal with Allura's wrath as soon as she found out.

Steven just watched with disinterest through the window as if nothing they talked about had to do with him, which Katie thanked.

So neither of them realized that on their son's face there was a countenance highly concerned about the situation of his dear uncles, seriously thinking that that afternoon he had to prevent his uncle Lance from continuing to be ''sad''.

 ...

 ''Pidge, nice to see you again!''

''Hi Allura.'' She was greeted by a big hug from her dear friend who almost made her lose her breath. ''I see that my mother's plants have grown quite a lot in your garden.''

''Colleen was very kind in giving me the juneberries that remind me so much of my childhood, I couldn't help planting them as fast as I got home.'' She said looking towards the area where flowers were seen through the crowd. ''Romelle and Coran say they are the most beautiful and well-groomed flowers they have been fortunate to know.''

''That wasn't because of my mother, you have taken care of them with great care.''

Katie answered with fun; it was nice to see Allura smile when she talked about her past. After a terrible illness that took her father's life a few years ago, Allura's smile was difficult to appreciate for several months. But her mother's gift was certainly right.

Now her friend looked much livelier. As she remembered the first years.

''Steven, don't run around people!'' They heard Keith from the other side of the garden. Katie hoped her son wouldn't get in trouble just when they arrived.

''It seems that your son is still as energetic as I remember.'' Allura smiled, Katie growled slightly.

''Yes, I just hope that energy doesn't end by breaking a leg.''

''Come on Pidge, I remember that one of your biggest fears was to become a copy of your own mother. Let your child make his own mistakes while enjoying a good afternoon. I asked my pastry chefs to prepare peanut butter cookies.''

Katie nodded after a few seconds and wanted to taste the cookies that Allura ordered for her delight. She could enjoy a quiet afternoon at a party of great elegance without thinking that her child would get into trouble for a couple of hours, isn't it?

 ...

 He took his son's neck before he dared to get away more than allowed and escaped again as he did fifteen minutes ago while talking with Hunk about his new recipes at his restaurant.

''You know you shouldn't walk away, Steven.'' He scolded him severely by approaching him, but his son just writhed on his grip trying to break free.

''I need to find uncle Lance.''

''Well, you found uncle Lance just the way you wanted!'' A jovial voice called the attention of both as soon as they saw Lance approaching his direction. ''I didn't know your son preferred me over you, mullet. I must tell you that it feels like a small triumph.''

''I don't think that's the case.'' Keith said irritably. ''He has been obsessed with you all day.''

''Oh yeah?'' He approached Steven to stroke his partially messy hair. His appearance was a vivid image of his father, with a malicious look very similar to his mother.

''Uncle Lance, I want you to stop being sad!''

''Ohh! Seriously?'' Asked surprised, Keith didn't seem to understand very well what his son was saying. But he preferred to follow the game. ''Very well, I listen to you.''

''Let's go to the garden.'' Steven answered determinedly while taking the sleeve of his suit with one of his hands.

''Do you know what he plans?'' Keith shrugged as he followed.

''My experience has concluded that it is better to follow the game. He won't tell you even if you ask him.''

Once they reached the garden where the meeting was on course, they saw how Allura was surrounded by many of her closest friends who enjoyed a pleasant chat under an awning, including his wife who was holding a tray full of peanut butter cookies just for her.

Steven started running towards Allura as soon as he located her among so many people around, taking him in her arms. Keith knew she was his favorite aunt and had a childhood crush on her since last winter.

''Aunt Allura, can you pass me your hand?'' Steven asked as soon as Allura left him on the floor. She nodded interestedly.

''Do you want to hold my hand during the afternoon?''

Allura said amused, Steven nevertheless effusively shook his head, placing it on top of Lance's hand without warning. A loud gasp came out of the mouth of everyone present who surrounded him. Allura, who kept her face from blushing when she felt Lance's warmth on her palm, watched her nephew confused.

''Do you want me to take Uncle Lance's hand?''

''Yes! Uncle Lance is sad, so if you take his hand as mom and dad do it when they are sad, Uncle Lance will stop being.'' Everyone's heart was tender at the innocent request of the child.

''But buddy, I'm not sad.'' Lance tried to talk with some fun in his eyes.

''No, you are. Mama said in the car that dad and the others were having fun with your misfortune because you like Aunt Allura and you are too coward to confess.''

A sepulchral silence traveled all over the place as soon as Steven's words came out without any bad intentions, causing both Lance and Allura's countenance to change from happiness to a stoic, almost contemplative face.

The next thing Steven saw was both his uncle Hunk and his father fleeing from his uncle Lance, and he didn't see Matt or Shiro again for the rest of the afternoon, listening to his mother who probably ran away from the party for fear of his aunt Allura. What seemed funny, since his mother didn't stop laughing for the rest of the day.

Steven remembered returning home early that day, his father seemed to have been irritated as his eye looked extremely swollen and his face bruised. His mother told him that he had fallen off a horse and didn't have to worry because he had earned it, nor the sadness of his uncle Lance.

A few months later, he learned that they were preparing for a long-awaited marriage. Steven was depressed for a moment knowing that his aunt Allura would marry a man other than him, but he knew that his uncle Lance would make her very happy.

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[imaginesandideas]

Too much love will kill you

(part 3 of LOVE OF MY LIFE series; check out my masterlist for previous parts)

this one’s longer because I made all of you wait way too long

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be

Too many bitter tears are raining down on me

I'm far away from home

And I've been facing this alone

For much too long

Last week was by far the most irritated with everything he remembered being. Every rehearsal has ended up with him either smashing his drums or starting a fight over whatever bullshit that could likely piss him off.

It could be anything. From Deaky’s sassy comments, through not enough cigarettes in the pack, Freddie being late, or a broken drumstick in the middle of recording.

Everything seemed to get on his nerves, and though others wouldn’t admit it, they were slowly losing their patience too.

“Roger darling, maybe you should just go, have a shag and relax. Cooling down won’t kill you.” Freddie exclaimed from the piano as Roger kept kicking his bass drum, in an attempt to focus.

“Oh fuck cooling down! I can’t play when I’m calm!”

“I’d like to point out that we haven’t recorded anything decent in a month, so clearly your rule doesn’t apply.” Deaky spoke coming up with 2 cups of coffee, one for himself, one for Freddie, at which Roger flipped him off with a huff. He knew they were right, but was far too proud to give in.

Nothing helped him to brush away the painful feeling in his chest. Seeing you has awakened some sort of bittersweet feeling that he’s been keeping hidden for the sake of carefree life. And there you were, glowing, shining even. So unaware of the pain you’ve caused him, so sweetly naive. Though he couldn’t blame you, after all he never said he got over it, maybe he just assumed you’d notice that he’s trying to be better. Better for you.

After hours of pointless sitting without achieving neither consensus, nor a single well recorded minute, Miami; with Brian’s help, dismissed Roger home. He wasn’t so happy about it, feeling as if he’d been betrayed, but decided it’s a chance for him to possibly get some sleep without those nagging thoughts he was getting at night.

Throwing his jacket and keys onto the sofa he gazed around the living room. If you could have seen that mess, you’d probably break up with him again, he thought.

Empty glasses and bottles were covering almost every piece of furniture, some of them were even scattered on the floor. Not to mention cigarettes. Horrendous amounts of them. He didn’t even think about opening the windows to let some fresh air in until that moment.

You would do that. You would force him to leave that smoky room every once in a while. You would care about getting things cleaned up. So maybe, just maybe he could do that for himself too.

Thinking about you again made that bitterness in his stomach sink even deeper, to the point of making him feel sick. Opening the balcony, he slowly stepped outside, dusty city breeze hitting him immediately and providing some sort of severe relief.

The sky was pretty grey, clouds covered the entirety of the skyline. Some kids were shouting from afar, sounds of water splashing from the neighbours’s pool.

Not looking away from the sky, his right hand wandered to the back pocket of his corduroy burgundy trousers. You hated them. You hated when he was smoking too, but since you two weren’t together anymore, he stopped trying to quit. And stopped caring so much about his appearance too.

He lit the cigarette and placed lighter he had bought on tour in America on the parapet.

Yeah, maybe he could get better. But it seemed so impossible when you weren’t the reason to.

Torn between the lover

And the love you leave behind

You're headed for disaster

'Cause you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you - every time.

He’s given you every proof that he still loved you, that he still couldn’t stop thinking about you when all you did was try to forget.

And it felt like shit. You were feeling like a traitor for making such a selfish decision, for leaving him, for giving him back your engagement ring. For putting him in your past, when in reality all he ever wanted was to be present in yours.

It was during the nights, when your mind wandered to the day of your breakup two years ago, when you had decided to end it all. The wind was blowing outside your window, not letting your thoughts drift away with sleep.

It was almost funny, how despite having a new partner, the one you planned to marry, all you could see was the look of sorrow on Roger’s face. The glistening of his disappointed eyes, the restlessness written in his brows and clenched jaw, his hollow cheeks and plucked lips, slightly open and almost trembling from the amount of emotions he’s been dealing with.

All because of you.

The more you were recalling, the more details you noticed. The more self doubts you were having.

“Brian? Umm, it’s _____.”

“_____! Long time no hear, huh?” It was past 4pm when you decided to call the person you knew and trusted enough with your concerns. You fiddled with flowers in the flacon as you thought of words to say. Brian was Roger’s long time friend, one of the best friends even, so without a doubt your whole plan was risky. Especially with the aftermaths of yours and Roger’s last meeting.

At the same time, who else could help you if not his best mate.

“Yeah, sorry if I’m interrupting! And... for not giving a sign of life for so long.” Your nervousness was clear, Brian didn’t need to see you to realize how difficult it was for you to call him. And it kind of broke him.

“No no! I actually just got back home, so you chose the right time.” Brian’s voice was so soothingly reassuring. Unbelievable how you two haven’t seen each other in a year or so, but he still managed to keep that friendly manner of his. Almost if nothing has changed. “It’s great to hear you.” A genuine smile appeared on your face and you could only wish he was able to see that.

“You too Bri. Still building guitars and destroying schemes?”

“Trying to.” He laughed. “Umm...What about you? I heard you’re, uh, stabilising soon?”

“He told you, right?”

“Well. It was hard not to hear when he forced everyone to listen to his drunk rambling one day.”

“Oh god.” You sat heavily on the sofa and exhaled over the phone. On the other side Brian leaned himself against the counter. Some time ago he’s promised himself not to get too engaged in Roger’s life choices and decisions. But even if he acted the opposite, he was more than devastated once he had found out about your broken engagement with Roger. “What did he say?”

Brian rubbed the tip of his nose with index finger as he struggled to choose the right words.

“That, uh... apparently you’re getting married and he didn’t realize it was for real until now.” Even if Roger never said that out loud, he kept his faith that one day you’ll change your mind. That it’s just a phase of yours, and that you need time. In a way, he was right. You did need time. But you no longer needed him. Or so you thought. “And that he, uh, he still loves you, which frankly speaking actually explains a lot of his recent behaviour.”

You took a deep breath. Back then, when you had decided to pack your bags and move on, you had thought that the hardest part is already behind you. What you did not expect, was Roger’s inability to let go. And that was leading you back to something you hoped to remove from your perfect breakup scenario. Doubts.

“Brian... I’m so sorry, I-I don’t even know what to say.”

“Oh! No need to apologize me _____. I shouldn’t even get involved in all this. This is your life after all.”

The phone line went silent for a while, none of you really keen on adding anything, mainly cause there was nothing more to add.

It was inevitable - no matter how much you wanted to avoid it, you had to talk to Roger.

“Um, I mean, you’ll do whatever you decide, and I’m sure you won’t regret it, but could I give you advice?” Brian’s voice was filled with both concern and care, something so brother-like.

“Of course Bri! God knows I need it...”

Brian chuckled at your words, but continued with serious voice. It sounded almost sad.

“Let your heart decide. I know how hard it is, I know you’ve been hurting, but remember those lessons and learn from them. I’m not going to convince you to anything, just know that sometimes rationality is not the best advisor. You’re strong _____. But don’t give up your vulnerability in order to keep it.”

You quickly wiped a tear that ran down your face with the back of your hand.

“Thank you Bri. I think I needed that.”

“Take care _____. And call more often! We all miss you.”

„You too Brian. Miss you all.”

That night you didn’t sleep. Your mind wandered elsewhere, through time you’ve lost, the one you saved, the time that was gone forever and the one that was ahead of you.

Like a twist of fate, your fiance was away so you’ve spent the night alone. Figuring out what to do with your indecisive heart.

~~~~~

next chapter in the works, so hopefully I won’t make you all wait as much next time!

(Comments, ideas and words of notice are always appreciated 💜)

SERIES taglist: taglist: @laubluered @ceruleanrainblues @rogersfalsettos @shae-is-not-ok @i-am-sarah @magicwithaknife @isabella-bby

Roger Taylor taglist: @rogersdrumkit @rogersfalsettos @erinhardytaylor @cyborgfromthesupermarket @sabbrriiinnaa @wolverinesbeer @simplyvictoria-93 @imamazzellhoe @shishterfackisback @rogerstambourinee @rockyroadthepastryarchy

(lmk if you want to be on/off the taglist!)

[bohemianblackbrainiac-blog]

#Motivation Mondays

In life there are many reasons to quit or feel defeated. Sometimes the overwhelming pressure of pursuing perfection causes people to become worse than they would otherwise be if they just decided to be mediocre. However, recently I’ve begun to contemplate the idea of imperfection as a strength. If life was perfect it would be boring, there would be no adventure or passion. Everything would be bland because there would be nothing to challenge us. This year I set many goals for myself. I reached a lot of them but have failed miserably at the others.

One of my goals was to keep an active blog. With this post being my fourth blog entry of 2019 I realized it was a goal I wasn’t properly prepared to meet. I also set a goal of reading 100 books this year. I think I’ve made it to about 12. Now my goal is to get to 30 books read by the end of the year and 54 in 2020. All this is to say that often times people (speaking of myself here) set goals that they are not ready or unprepared to meet. That being said I don’t believe that setting smaller goals is the answer but that we must all face our ego and question why we do things. Maybe our ego wants more than it’s willing to work for. I believe one of the great challenges of life is mastering the ego and taming your fears so that you are not a slave to inaction, indecisiveness, and mediocrity. 

I say all this to say my new challenge to myself is to make one blog post a week. Although I am a musician and educator by trade I realize my connection to these vocations is based on a shared believe that art and education have the capacity to change one's life for the better. So I’m starting this series called motivation Monday’s which I already know is a popular hashtag (algorithm points!!!) so maybe people will pay attention. In these posts I’ll share what I’m learning, researching, and consuming in hopes to motivate myself and others to be excited for the day, the week, and life in general. So if you don’t like reading I’ll share the mantra that I’m setting for the week and you can take it or leave it. I hope it helps and I thank you for joining me on this journey of personal growth and self discovery. 

Monday Mantra: My greatest gift to the universe is to know myself completely and to live every moment as the actualization of my highest self. 

I’ve been resonating with this concept recently as I reflect on opportunities I’ve lost as well as my great successes in life. Most of my perceived failures in life fame when I chose to ignore that little voice in my head/gut and try to act strictly from a place of logical analysis. Of course there’s nothing wrong with logic but from a spiritual perspective I believe logic is all that is contained within the understanding of our human capabilities. Whereas intuition draws on a force that is higher (astral) than our physical bodies or mental processing. In short every truly amazing experience that has happened in my life came from acting on instinct and intuition even when the decisions I made seemed to be the most uncertain. I believe the barrier between the life we dream of and want and the life we have is the relationship we have with our ego. 

In Eric Berne’s seminal work “The Games People Play” he speaks of a concept of three ego states: the Parent, Adult, and Child. He proposes that most social interactions are conducted with people operating from one of these three ego states. The subtle influence of our parents rules and regulations or patterns of being, the vulnerabilities of our inner child, and the rationalization of our adult mind all play a part in our sense of self. While I do believe this to be true, I also believe that each person is made up of the same energy that forms the celestial bodies and that our souls and spirits operate in communion with the universe. That at a macro and micro level we are all interconnected and that when you connect to your essence, soul, life force, God, divine purpose, etc you can move in harmony with the universe instead of against it. So I offer this mantra as a reminder to myself that the life that I desire and the person I desire to be already exist. My job is to walk down the path of inner discovery so that everyday I show up as my highest self. This is the only way I’ll have something worthwhile to contribute to myself, my family, my community, the world, and to the universe. 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

-Marianne Deborah Williamson

P.S. watch this Black Thought Speech that inspired this blog post:

https://youtu.be/8-INR986rZU

[graysonsharpe]

Location: Dubois, WY Date: December 23rd Trigger warnings: murder/death, bad relationships with your father, anxiety, one line that can be interpreted as self harm, mentions of guns, smoking, alcohol, and food

There’s a journalist in Dubois.

It’s late on December 23rd, and it feels like the entire town is at the local shop, looking for the last few essentials before Christmas. It’s easy for Grayson to spot the one stranger in the store. Easier still when that stranger is standing by the meats and sending surreptitious glances over at Grayson and his father. In the summer, when the tourists flood the town, she might’ve stood a chance at blending in. In December though, when the town is barren and every face is painfully familiar, this move isn’t as subtle as the woman no doubt thinks it is. Grayson grips the handle of his basket tighter, and avoids her gaze.

They've only just stepped onto the parking lot when the journalist strikes. Grayson is used to the press who meet them at the Court—he wouldn’t exactly call them respectful, but they’re pretending to be, if nothing else. This woman doesn’t even bother with that charade. She gets her camera out immediately, talking a mile a minute, and Grayson realizes paparazzi is a better word than journalist.

He also realizes she’s talking to his father, not to him, and the cold shock of that silences him. “Mr. Sharpe, your son’s team recently made headlines as they qualified for the Championships, but I’d still like to talk about his interview last month. We know what he’s got to say on your family’s tragedy, but no one’s managed to get your side of things. Why is that?”

For once, the elder Sharpe man speaks up before his son has a chance. “I’m a private man.” His tone is either frustrated  or disdainful, but it’s nothing good. “My son is the celebrity here. He’s the one who wanted to answer questions about this—so you can talk to him, not me.” Grayson tells himself his father’s contempt is for the woman with the camera, but he’s not sure, especially not when his dad speeds up to leave them both behind.

“No comment,” Grayson says immediately, utterly deadpan. Hollow. He races to catch up to his father. Behind him, some of the townsfolk have left the store to cluster around the entrance, drawn in by the promise of scandal. He can feel the heavy weight of their judgmental gazes on the back of his neck, and he knows what they’ll say. That Sharpe boy’s brought the wrong kind of attention right to their doorsteps, and they love it. They’ll think he wants this, the same as they do. As he rushes off, he can hear the journalist turning towards the local gossips for a statement instead.

Grayson and his father don’t talk on the ride home. They don’t talk when they unload the groceries. Grayson goes through the motions, chopping the vegetables, preparing the meal. Once everything is in the oven though, and Grayson doesn’t have anything to do with his hands, he ruins everything.  “Dad,” he says, voice too loud in a house that’s been silent since the aftershock of a gun went off outside. “Can we talk?”

His dad nods, but his eyes dart towards the door. “Is this about that reporter at the general store?”

Grayson shakes his head. He knows why his dad didn't step in then; he doesn't necessarily know why he’s never stepped in. The years of silence between him and his father only let his doubts grow, and if he’s going to surrender Palmetto—Jen—for good, there can’t be any indecision. He’s spent too long torn between these two lives, and now that he’s made a final choice, he’s got to live with it. 

“About...mom,” Grayson says. “About what happened. We never talk about it.” Grayson’s stomach churns, the kind of anxiety he should get before a match, or a fight. Instead, he feels it now, when his dad reluctantly sits down at the table across from him, a handle of whiskey conveniently in place. Grayson’s fingers tap on the table for a moment, a rapid fire staccato that matches his heartbeat. He doesn’t have his own words, so he steals Jen’s, remembering their conversation in his car. “I was a kid,” he blurts, and somehow that, as much as anything, feels like admitting to a wrongdoing. “What happened? Why didn't we try harder?” Why didn't they stop Grayson from holding the gun, maybe. Stop the townsfolk from glaring at him afterwards. Grayson doesn’t know what he means, only that he has to say something.

His dad lets out a long, slow breath. Pours himself a glass of whiskey too quickly, until it’s overfull and some of the dark liquor splashes out onto the wooden table beneath it. “I’m sorry,” his dad begins, and Grayson’s drumming fingers still. He’s never realized how badly he needed to hear those words, and it feels like something vital loosens in his chest, like he can breath for the first time—and then his dad speaks up again. “Grayson, I really am. I thought you understood. You couldn’t be charged with anything serious, not when you were only seven. We told them the truth, and then I had to back off. It was the only way.”

“Oh,” Grayson says, without heat. So his dad couldn’t face the law with him, so what. Grayson has always embraced his own guilt. “But what about everyone in town? Even when the case was closed, you let them talk about me. You know what they say.”

“You shouldn't care what they think,” his dad says, and the idea that Grayson can just not care about the entire town turning against him feels laughable.

He’s been in Palmetto long enough to know not every town is a warzone, and Dubois doesn’t feel normal anymore. Coming back home was supposed to solve his problems, settle the part of him that wants anything different, and it hasn't. He’s still as lost as he was in that banquet hall with Jen. “I can’t just ignore them, dad.”

“Why not? I do.” His dad seems genuinely perplexed, as if their situations are equivalent. Grayson’s spent his entire life ensuring they aren’t.

Dubois for Palmetto, that’s the tradeoff, but it’s not the full truth. Yes, Grayson loves the horses here, and the sprawling wilderness outside of town, but they're not the reason he comes back every year. He comes back for his dad, for the family that’s stuck here.

He’s always been alright with the deal before. You sacrifice for family; it’s not even a question. Tonight, though, Grayson looks over at this man and thinks: I already gave up Jen for you.

And oh, God, he wants more in return for something that huge. An answer. An explanation. An better apology. Grayson’s hands twitch on the table. “Because I care,” he says. “I was seven years old, and they treated me like a garbage, and no one stopped them.”

“It was a rough time for me,” his dad protests, and for all the world he sounds distraught. It’s more emotion that he’s shown in years, and it’s not directed towards Grayson. “She was the love of my life. My wife. You can’t imagine what it felt like. I know I didn't handle things right, but I needed to grieve.”

“She was my mom.” The words fall out of his mouth before he thinks them through. Jen’s words, again. Grayson desperately wishes Jen was here. They would know what to say—they’d know whether Grayson’s allowed to feel angry right now. He feels that anger anyway, and it makes his throat tight and raw.  

Grayson’s dad runs a hand down his face. “I’m tired, Grayson,” he says. “You saw that woman at the store. You know what I’ve been dealing with. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but we aren't talking about this right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so,” his dad finally snaps.

A beat. Grayson almost gives in.

Then: “Please.” Grayson presses for more the way he’ll press on his bruises after a rough game. It isn’t fair that his dad gets to claim exhaustion after a single encounter, when Grayson’s made a life out of answering these questions for him. “I’m not—” he flounders, looks for a way to sanitize his anger even now, “—I just want to know what’s going on in your head, dad. I wanna know why it has to be like this, and then I’ll stop asking. I promise.” Please, he thinks it this time, desperately, I just need to remember this is worth it. Give me something. He’s splintering, even Grayson knows that. He needs something concrete to keep him grounded, and he needs it to happen here, in Dubois. Not Palmetto.

He needs his dad. 

“I know what happened but I don’t—” Grayson stops here, because admitting any kind of doubt is the greatest sin of all, and Grayson knows that. “Can you just talk to me?”

His dad downs the whiskey. His expression has always been flat, unreadable, but right now it’s cold. Grayson knows this conversation is over even before his dad opens his mouth again. “I said we aren't talking about this right now. That’s to protect you Grayson. I know how hard it must be to live with what happened. Why would you want to get into this right before Christmas?”

His dad, Grayson realizes, doesn't know anything about what Grayson lives with. Grayson’s going to fall into the chasm between them, and not for the first time, he thinks about Jen instead.  Mornings with the horses and sugary sweet lattes and the only person Grayson’s been honest with in years: and even then, he’d lied about the most important thing in the end. Jen, all the way in Palmetto. Jen with a stupid gnome in their hands as they chose a better life all on their own. Jen, who’d cried because Grayson couldn’t the same, because he chose this life over them.

Grayson chose this. Over Jen.

“Fine.” Grayson’s voice sounds strange, strangled, even to himself. There’s nothing here tonight, nothing his dad will give him, even when Grayson doesn’t play along with his dad’s silence. Jen loves him when Grayson’s never done anything to earn it, never shown them the affection they deserve back, and his dad won’t even talk to him when he begs. “I’m going for a walk.”

His dad sighs, but he doesn’t say anything else. Doesn’t follow him. Grayson’s footsteps take him through dimly lit streets. They’re empty, and it’s almost Christmas. Grayson reaches the end of the block, and considers turning around. Past experience tells him that if he goes back now, his dad will pretend this never happened. Grayson will go back home, and then back to Palmetto, and everything will be the same as he left it. That’s what he wants, right?

Without letting himself acknowledge the answer to that, Grayson keeps walking. Catches a ride all the way to the airport instead. Purchases a ticket. He waits outside, no luggage at his feet. Despite everything, Grayson doesn’t believe  he’ll go through with it, and he still doesn’t go home. He lights a cigarette—and then another when it’s done, and another—and focuses on that instead of the clock ticking down to a flight he isn’t actually going to catch.

It’s blissfully empty at this hour of the night, but Grayson can’t escape when a familiar face approaches him. He squints in the haze, in the dark, and then groans out loud, because it’s that fucking journalist again.

Grayson can imagine what he looks like right now. He’s chain-smoking outside an airport with red-rimmed eyes, clearly waiting for a flight when only this morning he was buying groceries for a Christmas dinner, and that says enough. A glance at his watch confirms that it’s past midnight too—so technically it’s Christmas Eve. “Where’s the camera?” he asks, warily.

“Already checked my bag, so you’re safe,” the woman says. Her tone is nonchalant. Maybe that’s an act; maybe she means it. Grayson doesn’t know, and right now, he doesn’t care. Either way, she’s leaving town. Grayson wants to believe it’s because she’s got a family to return to, but maybe she’s simply realized Grayson’s story isn’t worth it. “You feel like sharing?” she asks, nodding towards the cigarette.  

Grayson’s mouth forms the words fuck off automatically, but he doesn’t say them out loud. It’s officially Christmas Eve, and Grayson’s waiting for a flight out of Dubois. He’s fucked everything up, but it’s not too late to change his mind. He can still rush to the ranch, and pretend he never brought up the past. Go back to normal. Go back home.

Grayson’s heart clenches uncomfortably in his chest. He’s lonely enough that he might suffocate on it—and this isn’t new. He’s been lonely for a long time now, when he really thinks about it. He just hasn’t thought about it. Hasn’t let himself. Grayson knows with a cold kind of certainty that if he gets on this plane tonight, it means he wants things to change. That loneliness will still live in him, but maybe he can do something about it too. 

Oh, God, he’s going to do this, isn’t he? Grayson loves his dad, and right now, he has to leave him: maybe both things can be true. Either way, if he goes back to the ranch now, if he doesn’t do something new, then he’ll lose Jen forever. Likely he already has, and this eleventh hour change of heart won’t mean a thing, other than to ruin his relationship with his father. Grayson swallows twice, hard, and reaches in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes. “I’m off the record tonight,” he says hollowly, because he has to make that point now, apparently. After all these years, he’s a true Fox. His trauma is now interesting enough that people will buy and sell it for more than social currency,  and he’s still going to share a smoke with the person who wants to use him for her headlines.  

She nods, takes the offering. Up close, she’s messier than the reporters he’s used to—worn denim instead of nice clothes, hair thrown up in a bun, bags under her eyes. She doesn’t know him, and he doesn’t know her, and she doesn’t ask any more questions. They both focus on the bitter taste of smoke, and even though she leaves behind her card when she’s done, Grayson’s pathetically grateful for the silent companionship.

The plane lands. Grayson boards. He leaves Dubois behind.

[mandaloriangf]

the reylo batb au debacle

long post ahead. tw: racism

i. preface

i dont make call out posts. i think a lot of people abuse call outs, like that one reylo who made a post about me that just consisted of screenshots of me venting on my own blog in the proper tags. i dont know if i would call this a call out, per se. most people (antis, reylos, and bystanders) probably already know the gist of this situation. my reason for making this post is primarily because the original post of mine has gotten rather long with me reblogging it and adding on (you can see the most recent version here) and i would like to have more of a masterpost of sorts, since im a petty bitch who can’t let things go. 

ii. the story

i was alerted by an anon to a fic, which is an a/b/o beauty and the beast retelling with rey as belle and kylo as the beast. in gaston’s place is finn. i haven’t read the fic word for word nor do i want to, but i searched finn’s name in the fic and this is what came up.

(note: most of these screenshots are from my original post, but i’ve added on with chapters that have been published since then)

“Myself if necessary; somewhere out there is my mate, and I will wait for them.” She said resolutely, holding her breath against the smell of pine and charcoal rolling off him. She had never found Finn’s scent a pleasant one.

“I believe Rey is missing,” Finn said with a scowl. “and I don’t like it when my things go missing.”

“Rey has never been yours.” Obi snapped. “She’s not a piece of property.”

“Details.” Finn smirked. “Now, are you going to tell me where she’s really run off to? Or are you holding fast to your ridiculous story of monsters and secret castles?”

Obi narrowed his eyes, refusing to entertain the brute anymore than he had to. “I think it’s time you were on your way, Finn. Please feel free to head in the opposite direction should you feel the urge to call upon me again.”

Finn shook his head, rolling his eyes heavily. “I’ll be back, Obi. I will find out where Rey is hiding.”

Obi shut the door in his face quickly, eager to be rid of the boorish oaf. He leaned against the wood, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing gently to ease his frustration. He should have been more open to Finn’s help, he could take all of it that he could get. Still, seeking aid in Finn felt like escaping the hounds to land in the fire. Hardly an improvement.  

“She’s the only one who’s rejected me. Me. The nerve of her. No. This won’t stand. I’ll track her down if it’s the last thing I do.” Finn snarled.

Finn took a long swig from his freshly filled tankard the server had just finished capping off, a small smile playing at his mouth as his plan gained more and more merit in his mind. Rey would not allude him for much longer. He would find her, and show her exactly who she belonged to.

Charles frowned. “I don’t want Finn anywhere near Rey. I don’t trust him. He’d sooner force her into mating with him as rescue her.”

They crept deeper into the forest, making sure to maintain vigilance as they scanned the forest for anything strange. Finn wondered idly how Rey would have even made it through this woods, a mere woman. When he brought her back home, he would be sure to have a talk with her about what is and isn’t acceptable.

She scrambled backwards then, her back meeting Artoo’s haunches as he pranced away. She felt distress coursing through her, wanting no part of Finn or his strange obsession with her. “You’ll not touch me.”

“Shh.” He whispered. “You’re only confused. All will be well.”

“Leave, Finn. Go back to Jakku. No one wants you here, least of all me.” She spat.

He growled low, yanking her up by her hair. “You’ll learn your place, Rey. Once I bring you back to Jakku. First though, I will take care of the bastard who dared to touch what was mine.”

“I. Am. Not. Yours.” She ground out, her scalp smarting from the grip he still kept on her hair.

“You will be.” He assured darkly.

He didn’t realize he had lost until it was too late. He glanced down, the iron bolt plunged deep into his chest. For a moment he merely stared at it, his breath coming out in heavy pants as he tried to process what he was seeing. A gurgle sounded in his chest, coughing up a spray of blood. His mouth fell open in disbelief, taking a step backwards as his hand went to the bolt.

He gripped it in his fist, tugging it outwards and throwing it to the ground. His hands pawed at the hole in his chest, blood pouring over his fingers as he swayed slightly. His knees trembled, falling to be ground and kneeling. He gave a final shuddering breath, falling forward in a slump and going still. Rey dropped the bow as if it burned her, leaning her back against the tree she’d used to steady herself and gasping for breath. She felt relief and remorse in that moment, the knowledge that she’d taken a life outweighed only by the knowledge that she’d saved one.

(context: the above is rey murdering finn to save kylo)

as you can see, finn, star wars’ first ever black lead, is portrayed as a violent, aggressive, rapey misogynist who threatens rey psychically and sexually. he believes rey, a white woman, is his property and rey must kill him to save her lover, a white man. i mean, this whole thing should be very obvious. i dont care that its fiction, i dont care that its fanfiction. fiction does not exist in a vacuum and if you believe so, biases like this WILL go unchecked. 

i was infuriated after reading this and found a note where the author addresses previous accusations of racism

I was more or less labeled as a racist today for my characterization of Finn, and I felt the need to briefly address that. It was never my intention to lead anyone to believe that my dislike of Finn has anything to do with his race. I dislike his character canonically purely for reasons that have nothing to do with the color of his skin. I obviously realize he’s not a villain, and that he’s out of character. I will not apologize for the way that I’ve written him, as I know in my heart I meant no malicious intent, but I will apologize to anyone who has thought even in the slightest that I was being oppressive or insensitive. I know myself and that’s not who I am, and that was never my intention. I want to go ahead and post this because I don’t know when my next will be and I wanted to leave it on a good note. I don’t foresee a long gap, don’t worry, but at this moment I don’t feel good about the story and I need a few days to reassess where it is going.

iii. the comments

while i easily could’ve just moved on since there are a number of reylo fics out there much like this one, knowing that this one had such popularity and such a tone deaf author, i decided to venture into the comments and lo and behold, the amount of hate for finn was blinding. 

there are plenty more, but i hope this can give you a taste of what the comments section looks like. 

the author’s hate for finn basically boils down to this: he’s indecisive and he lied to rey. that’s it. that’s what the author uses to justify writing finn in a vicious, anti-black stereotype. 

at some point, an anonymous commenter called out the racism.

a concerned citizen: So are you ever gonna address how racist your characterization of Finn is or what.

ktf: Oh lord. No because it’s blatantly not true. He is characterized heavily in concordance with the classic Gaston character. Possessive, arrogant, pig headed… Your complaint is reaching and you can take it elsewhere. Jeez Louise. So silly. Have you even seen Beauty and the Beast? I don’t like Finn as a a character in canon for reasons that have nothing to do with his race (because I admittedly love John Boyega irl as well as in Pacific Rim, the only other film I’ve seen him in) and as such I characterize him as an asshole for my own self satisfaction.

a concerned citizen: Look I love Reylo as much as the next guy but if you need explaining why it’s racist to make the black character who is, in canon, nothing but a kind and supportive friend, into a sexually aggressive misogynist then I don’t know what to tell you. It costs zero dollars not to demonize black characters for your own “self satisfaction.”

ktf: So, to be clear, if I had used ANY other character from the film who had been kind and supportive, Poe, Han, Holdo, Leia, Snap, Kaydel, Luke… as long as they hadn’t been a POC it would totally fine? Do you see my confusion? It’s an alternate universe.

a concerned citizen: A: Demonizing black men as sexual aggressors bent on possessing/raping white women is a long-standing trope used by white supremacists. It’s done to dehumanize black men and drum up fear in white folk so that they feel threatened enough to commit acts of violence. This is one of the most basic tactics of antiblack racism.

B: Gaston was never a part of the original fairy tale. He was made up for the Disney adaptation to add tension and to counterbalance the Beast to make the message crystal clear for the little ones watching– don’t fear The Other. Gaston represents the cultural hegemony of masculine behavior in Belle’s culture; the Beast, on the other hand, is The Other, the outsider, the marginalized force. Black people have practically been The Other in Western media for centuries. Now I’m not telling you that you have to make Finn the Beast or else it’s bunk, just that you have to be aware of the characters’ roles and what they fulfill in the narrative. Making Finn the Gaston character was a conscious decision you made– you took a black character and plopped him into a role that was specifically made to be the representation of toxic masculinity, that decision isn’t made in a vacuum.

C: Absolutely no one is holding your feet to the fire to make sure that you follow the plotline of the source material verbatim. Certainly you took liberties with what form of beastliness Kylo had, so you could have similarly chose to alter Gaston’s characterization in some way or you could have made Finn a different character entirely. Like I mentioned before, Gaston was not in the original fairy tale and so the narrative works fine without him. Finn exhibits none of Gaston’s character traits in canon so you chose willingly to sand him down so you could fit a square peg in a round hole– an action that, as mentioned previously, reflects the rhetoric of white supremacy for the past few centuries.

ktf: Okay. You know what? You obviously woke up this morning itching for a soapbox. So, may the force be with you and may your crusade keep you warm at night. This is a fan fiction, not a doctoral thesis, so if you don’t mind I’m just going to continue living my life. I can assure you no thoughts of “demonizing” a race ever crossed my mind while writing this. It’s not who I am. This doesn’t deserve my time because you, A. Know nothing about me. B. Obviously have way too much time on your hands. C. Aren’t worth the stress you’re causing. Have a blessed day!

iv. the aftermath

since my original post, i have been silently blocked by the author. antis who are poc have gotten anon hate, which has often been radicalized while i, a white anti, have not received anything wrt this fic. the author has gotten cocky about the whole situation, she has a bunch of adoring readers who coddle her, and she refuses to listen to any form of criticism.

now that i’m at the end of this post, i’m not really sure what i want to come out of it. i wanted to include more, but there’s so much shit to wade through in the comments and that doesn’t even account for what’s on the author’s tumblr. reylos, this shit has to fucking stop. you need to hold each other accountable, you need to call each other out bc this is exhausting.