#i was so absorbed in being Me that i forget that i am part of this universe

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"

Like

I'm sorry

Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?

[uncanny-tranny]

On the "darker" side of being comforted by one's immortality (not in the physical, but metaphorical), I've always been comforted by bone needles.

The idea that even after death, you've still been remembered by how you are used. No, bone needles probably weren't used with human bones, but it's a reminder that you aren't just going to... disappear. I'm comforted in the knowledge that I don't end in a "me" but in a "we," in nature. Everything about me is reused material so much more ancient than I am, and knowing that, I feel so much closer to the world.

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

wish i could post my paintings of theatre stuff here bc i'm really proud of those (my theatre keeps making amazing adaptations with SUPER COOL costume and lighting and setting and colour and visual symbolism choices) but alas. the chance is low but very definitely above zero that i'd doxx myself HARDCORE. but maaaan. trust me when i say that stage is just plain amazing. i need to live in the theatre

[weirdmageddon]

the shift in lore literacy in homestuck’s fandom

i was thinking about how the people who got into homestuck after it ended—whose interactions with the comic are in a static, archived state, not an ongoing thing—missed out on information that was more common knowledge in the fandom at that time. i don’t know if this is true since i’m not on tiktok, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was. the fandom certainly isn’t the same as it was before.

ive found that many people reading homestuck now simply do not understand things in homestuck that were common knowledge back in the day, with calls for “homestuck literacy classes to become mandatory” in response to baffling takes because so many people just now seem to have glazed over the comic without absorbing important plot points, and i think i know why this may be. i ended up writing a post reflecting on my time with the comic, my perspective and how ive seen this change. i still think and write about homestuck because it still fascinates me. earlier i quote retweeted that call in my thread talking about the temporal relativity of dave and rose’s god tier ascension in the green sun, saying “my homestuck literacy is 100% so guess im doing my part as a teacher by pointing out whatever i think is really cool about it”. this post im writing now started out as a reply to this tweet i got in response.

i joined the fandom in 2013. i was 11. i had been aware of it since at least late 2011, early 2012 when my friend ryan in fifth grade told me to read it but i couldn’t get past the first few pages. i remember writing a journal on deviantart around this time (late 2011-early 2012) that was mocking people who typed like gamzee, which ironically was very karkat of me. and i remember someone on flipnote hatena i was following was making flipnotes with the alpha kids.

i dont know what caused me to flip the switch into reading it but 2013. i got into it somewhere between april (i think closer to april—i remember it being quite a span of time between the last update before HOMOSUCK dropped.) this was the most recent page the comic, meaning there was no > [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 at the bottom.

i got into it during a pause in updates, which looking into it, was the year 4 megapause. i wasn’t sure of the month until seeing the news post detailing the reason for the hiatus and the status report of the comic’s development at that time. pretty cool i could narrow it down by referencing the dates of those updates and the news post to correspond with the pause!

according to readmspa, the year 4 megapause was a 59 day hiatus from Apr 14, 2013 ==> (EOA6A5) running to 12 Jun 2013, [S] ACT 6 ACT 6. then for a few months there were the first updates that i was apart of the fandom for.

and what an exciting time during the story get into the webcomic! when the updates resumed in june, part 4 of homestuck had begun. here was a glimpse of the updates in that span of time before the next hiatus began in october.

that hiatus was none other than the gigapause, the longest hiatus in the comic, which started october 2013 and lasted for a YEAR, and i already posted about what happened on the date of return.

but here were the main events happening in the story at the time i first actually got interested in it. i wasn’t aware of the full context of them then like i am now, but i was looking at the most recent updates anyway with interest:

the alpha kids just emerged as god tiers from their slabs in derse and prospit, blown up by the condesce and caliborn / lil cal-possessed b2 jack noir.

the journey to the new session started 24 hours after jack called an early reckoning in descend—for context that was about when dave entered around midnight central time and before jade even entered. it’s pretty easy to forget that side 1 of homestuck basically happens within the span of a single day—and at this point in the story, the 3 year journey (which was also 3 real life years) had just ended. john and jade emerged from the other side of the yellow yard through the fenestrated plane on LOMAX. john’s real body was asleep upon arrival in the new session, while his dreaming projection out in the dream bubbles came across vriska’s ghost ship to learn lord english lore with vriska and aranea, and go on the treasure hunt where they found the ultimate weapon at the X mark out in in the furthest ring. in the dream john stuck his hand in the juju, started warping all over canon which removed his real body from the ship on LOMAX. he zapped around for a while but eventually zapped back to LOMAX, now awake, completely out of the loop of what everyone else is up to, and bored as fuck. what was everyone else getting up to while john was asleep?

jade was now once again within the domain of the green sun. im pretty sure her space god doggy essence comes with the power to sense what was anywhere within the domain of the session since her face looks like she arrived at that spot with intent (and she literally has jack noir’s exact powers from bec’s prototyping. also this panel). she immediately dispatched b2 jack to the edge of the incinisphere, defending the newly god-tiered jane and jake. i think even if they weren’t in any danger, she would have warped to them instantly anyway because she COULD now, and i can imagine she wouldve been sooooo eager to meet everyone. even davesprite comments about her rapid departure.

the pre-scratch refugees arrived during the only time serious shit ever went down in the nobles’ months-long inert void session. the condesce used her freak psychic bronze-cerulean powers to commune with jade’s bestial side and mind controlled her, which is super dangerous as someone with the powers of a first guardian. she then used jade’s powers to corrupt jane with the tiaratop. no funtime meetup allowed!

the trolls’ meteor with rose, dave, and the remaining trolls was pulling up into the new session with no way to slow it down. grimbark jade warped there once it was in the incinisphere and took active control. she warped everyone off the trolls’ meteor and sent them to LOMAX.

as john was losing his mind on LOMAX waiting for everyone, the meteor crew warped in. after 3 years he finally reunited with rose and dave, and at least saw the trolls in person. close curtains, end of A6A5. this was the newest [S] flash page at the time, one of my first impressions of this comic, and still one of my favorite flashes. knowing the context of the flash in the story only enhances the retrospective joy i have at getting into the comic at the time i did because it’s such an anticipated moment in the story for everyone, while for someone with no context of the story it was still enjoyable.

so that’s what was going on plotwise when i joined the fandom.

from this time, through those few months of updates and through the gigapause, i was familarizing myself with the characters in the story and overseeing the state of fanbase, getting myself acquainted with the story and wrapping my head around everything.

at that time i found that a new-ish group called colab HQ who were producing a let’s read homestuck series on youtube. hearing the voices and the pacing of it like that really, really eased me into it (maybe it was my adhd that gave me trouble actually starting it?). i caught up to a certain point using lets read homestuck and from that point was able to continue with the comic on my own, and by the time the gigapause came to a close i was fully caught up. i remember the rebranding of colab hq into voxus about a year and a half after i discovered them.

but.. back to the main point of my post. even these posts from hussie’s tumblr exist in archived states. how many new fans know about hussie’s old tumblr? i don’t know, unless theyre a new fan that must scour the internet for more deep more dives on homestuck and its fandom as a whole. but since hussie deleted his tumblr (it exists archived now on homestuck.net which, alongside from the unofficial homestuck collection, has nearly singlehandedly kept the most important relics of the fandom and lore archived), that page is not an active part of the fandom now, because it’s gone. it’s a pile of bones. it’s not living and breathing. it’s in an archived state. the whole thing is already there. homestuck and its fandom history is something you now binge instead of slowly consume and meld with as it comes out. it’s now this rapid information intake that you might forget about if you read it now instead of engaged alongside it. you’re not surrounded by people actively talking and theorizing about developments anymore. the ability to have those sorts of conversations during the ongoing development of the story reinforced concepts, ideas, and lore over and over as we tried to make sense of it.

being in a fandom when the author is still delivering the story is like nothing else. it allows you grow alongside the characters and engage meaningfully with the media and people in the fandom space around you. it feels like you’re participating IN the media itself, especially if you’re interfacing with the creator. it’s in always having something to theorize or talk about and speculate. and people become very aware of these sorts of forgotten story facts because they were applying the logic of the newest official post from hussie into making their sburb ocs or something and share resources and discussion posts about “what just happened in this update?? recap????” it was this cultural osmosis thing. i think this is why homestuck literacy is now at an all time low, at least from what i can see on twitter.

reading homestuck then vs now is like the difference between serialized shows with spaces between episodes to discuss stuff and time to reflect and learn and become attached to the story, narrative, worldbuilding and its characters, vs the netflix model where it’s all dropped all at once and people forget about it after binging.

at this point in time im getting the sense that “homestuck elders” now are no longer just people who were there since 2009-2010, but now also people who were there while it was still updating, probably stretching into 2014-2015. there are many sources of lore that were common knowledge in the fandom at the time that, since becoming susceptible to the deletion of content and link rot, and with the thanosing of mspaforums, are no longer accessible at the source. and a lot of people moved on after it ended, especially following the epilogues, the kate drama, and the whatpumpkin-sarah z drama, leaving a void of information behind if not for archivists and people such as me who continue to keep old facts relevant in discussions. my friend has called me a fandom scholar before and seeing this post i think i get what they mean.

EDIT: there is a series of video essays ive watched multiple times (because theyre that good) and they are exactly what modern fans need to see more of. they really help contextualize the comic and the themes present in it help you appreciate the basic fabric of homestuck a hell of a lot more. i highly recommend them and encourage any fan of homestuck to watch them, or someone considering getting into homestuck to watch the first one.

i think this is arguably as close to the “mandatory literacy class for homestuck” that person was talking about as you can get, especially the first video.

additionally, there is also the website https://rafe.name/homestuck which is essentially a sparknotes for homestuck and can help you follow developments in the comic itself.

[thefusioncelestial]

Mix 11: A Transition Complete

Anonymous asked:

Add a hung twink and jock type transman in your list

Life was great for Alex. He was on the basketball team & popular with everyone. You see everything about him screamed a fine specimen of a man. But he had an open secret.

He was trans. But look at him:

You couldn't tell. The chemical treatments were a resounding success. He had ladies all over him.

But there was one part that refused to change: his reproductive organs. He still had his initial parts despite the hormone regimes. Fertility tests showed that if he had sex with someone of the opposite parts, he would get pregnant. This greatly attracted other men to him. They wanted this stud to have their babies.

Alex was fine with this. However, the winds of society was blowing away from him. Transmen & Transwomen were being demonized. He was a political science major & knew that the next election was going to flip to those who hated people like him. He could get surgery and get an artificial man rod, but that meant bye bye to having kids of his own.

He needed a solution.

His close friends, that included Christian and Shun, knew of his worries. They pondered for a bit on what to do. They decided that Alex would join the fold.

After bringing him over, Alex was explained of the solution: He would merge with another dude. Take their manhood, be reborn completely without question as the man he desired to be.

But there was a problem.

They have never merged beings with opposite sexual organs. If it resulted in an true blending, then Alex would have a cross or both. It must be assimilation.

They had a target.

The annoying Fred:

A twink with a massive rod for his stature. He somehow found about about the David & Goliath Society and wanted in. Truth be told he just walked by the dorm while Shun was absorbing Tim. He heard the explanation, heard the process, and ran as Shun walked out the dorm.

No amount of history shifting would make him forget. The prospect of going from a twink to a buff man or at least an athletic one was too much for him to not want in.

He pestered Christian & Shun to upgrade him for a while. They decided to they would grant his wish, but on their own terms.

They were going to call Fred, but he was around the corner, coming to pester them again. He knocked on their door. He was let in.

Christian & Shun had large smiles on their faces.

"Congrats, you are getting your wish," Shun said.

Fred was excited, but before he could start bouncing with joy, he saw Alex.

"Am I about merge with the most desirable dude on campus," he asked in shock.

"Does he have the size I need," Alex asked.

"Size?" Fred asked.

"I need someone with an larger rod than what their body would suggest their body said they should have," Alex said.

They soon explained the situation to Fred.

He was a bit unnerved.

"You are asking me to get eaten by someone else instead of being the upgraded," he said.

"You get to become one with Alex, you know his rep. With your help, he can act out some of those activities. You'll get to feel what he feels, you get to experience a more mature body," Shun said.

He continued: "Tim in still in here, my experiences also flow to him. And he influences my decisions," he finished.

Alex blushed. Prior to this, Alex agreed to have kids with Shun if he couldn't find a partner by 28. A surrogate father. Tim's desire to start a family influenced Shun. Alex was perfect as far as he was concerned. But now his survival was at stake. He would have to become competition in earnest to live. Shun relished the challenge.

People like Fred looked up to Alex. He had everyone swooning over him. He walked out of many parties with people of both sex & genders literally hanging off his biceps. He could have that. He just got to give himself up.

"We could just force you, ask Tim," Christian said.

"Don't get so hasty. I'll bite," Fred responded.

"Show me you have the goods," Alex said.

Fred took out his phone and showed Alex a picture:

He was well hung alright. He revealed that he was a grower & that was it at rest.

Alex coughed at the prospect of getting it for himself. Fred just wanted the Alex experience. Basketball team, parties, people fawning over him.

They both stripped down to their birthday suits.

Christian took the necklace. Explained how it worked and put it on Alex.

To increase the chances of success. It was decided that Fred would hang on Alex's back like a cape. The idea of "pushing out" the old organs, and let Fred's settle in.

Fred was on Alex's back within the minute. Hanging on, excitedly.

The necklace melted in Alex.

Fred began to melt into Alex. Starting from the feet first and then processing upwards. Alex grunted. Fred blushed & moaned.

Then their reproductive organs & butt. Only Fred's upper half remained.

Stomach, chest, and arms followed. Fred, despite that fact that he was being assimilated was very happy. If he has to upgrade someone else, then Alex was his number one choice. Now only a neck and head, Fred pushed in, fusing starting from the back of Alex's skull.

He was gone. What was Fred was now a mix of dna & biomatter floating in Alex.

Alex & Fred's mind quickly merged. Alex did not want to reject any aspect of Fred and cause a feedback loop elsewhere.

Alex let out a large exhale.

Alex's dna hungrily took Fred's. The new dna fired up and the changes began.

Alex stood upright.

He felt his reproductive organs change. He craned his neck & head upwards. He was moaning. If felt like he needed to pee. But instead of pee or a child, the flesh inside liquefied and solidified into male reproductive organs, and at the same time began to push out.

It started as a massive of slightly off colored skin. At first it just hung there outside, then it perked up & began to constrict and form into the shape of a man's family rod. The birth of new neural paths connecting his reproductive organs to his brain were born.

The remaining mass turned into a liquid filed sack. He felt his new veins and nerves go in and intertwine. Two small hard masses formed inside the sack, and as they grew larger they took in those nerves and veins. He had a pair of balls now.

His body shape shifted. It took more ques from Fred. Alex could feel his body stretch. "ugh" He was taller. His chest got smaller, and his nipples sat more straighter, but they became more dense. He didn't loose mass per say, but his body was making better use of how it distributed the muscle fiber. His body did this all over. He took in more & more of Fred's twink traits.

"uhhh"

More squeezing. His arms met the same fate as his chest. Smaller, but so much denser.

Surprisingly, his legs grew instead. A pop could be heard. Alex grunted in response.

As his stomach contracted, his abs reshaped themselves. Fred's eight pack was now Alex. It was like 8 balls slowly floating to the top, breaking the surface at the same time.They were rounder & more uniform.

His neck stayed the same. His skin became smoother.

His began to morph. His eyebrows were from Fred. His eyes a combination of both with Alex's bags now gone. His lips & mouth a combination. His nose from Fred. His ears from Alex.

His hair shifted color to Fred's brown, but the hair style was from Alex only a bit more metro.

The excess testosterone did their work. Facial hair exploded from all over Alex's body. Arms, stomach, chest, and face were all now partially covered. Alex would need a shaving routine now.

Alex let out a deep exhale & opened his eyes. The merger was done.

He ran to the mirror and checked out his new features. He quickly looked at his new man rod and was elated. He got what he wanted. He could work on his muscle sizes, or absorb a buff dude if it bothered him so much.

Christian wrote everything he saw in his little journal. Shun was proud of the new person birthed before him & nodded in approval.

"Just a sec," Alex said. He ran to the bathroom. 10 minutes passed by. What was he doing? The sink turned on, and Alex washed & dried his hands.

"It works."

They both realized what Alex just did. Must be Fred inside him.

"Welcome to the fold," Christian said.

Alex agreed to become a part of their new society.

He was still a star basketball player, still partied, but now wore protection. He could get someone pregnant now. Fred in subconscious made him enjoy & appreciate his life more. He saw & felt through Fred what the other side felt.

Fertility tests were done. He was fertile. He could still have a family. And with the shifting of history, Alex was always born a man. He didn't have to worry about persecution. But he felt bad for those straddling the line. Part of the agreement in joining the group was to help those within the trans community fully transition via fusion if they wanted. Alex was now in charge of that task within The David & Goliath society. Shun would use his money to help those in need as well, no matter what stage of transition they were at or wanted to stay in.

With Fred's memory, he found his speedo from the earlier picture and put them on. Fred's influence opened him up to these skimpy beach wears.

[themultifanshipper]

hello it's me again! requesting for the 2nd time for a Sebastian Vettel fic (I'm horrendously down bad for this man🙇‍♀️) could you please do Rb!Seb x Button!reader because I'm a sucker for brother's best friend trope. Jenson invites Seb over after a night out of partying and he stays there for a couple of days. Seb has a couple of small interactions with reader mostly Jenson stepping in which it doesn't lead into something more lol. so here's the juicy part reader accidentally walks in on Seb taking a bath and like she's so embarrassed she decides to( lock herself in her room even Jenson was concerned. Seb decides to talk to reader alone in her room and it leads to them passionately making out so they have their little "we shouldn't be doing this" "your brother doesn't have to know" moment LOL and they uh do it ig.

this is awkward to even ask for I feel like squidward begging for change in that one ep 😭 like I feel so GUILTY LMAO but anyways please don't rush yourself into writing this please do it in your own pace I really don't mind waiting 🫶 I also would like to say how much I adore your writing and the effort you put into your work so I understand if it takes a while to write all of this down. Don't forget to take yourself as well while you're writing 🩷🩷 -🐇

You had seen Seb in a number of embarrassing situations and positions, him being your brother’s best friend ever since he joined F1, but this was definitely the first time you had seen him quite this naked.

Warnings: Uhhhhhh… I don’t know what came over me I’ll be honest, Seb is super dominant in this one guys, like… overstimulation, praise kink, degrading a bit? Slapping? I need to be waterboarded in holy water at this point, I fear… the dialogue is cringe enough to make me question my worth as a person (this was written at 3 am)also I think I overused the word princess but oh well

Jenson and Seb were partying for a few days to wind down during winter break after an intense season, and you partied with them. You were much younger than your brother, he was in his early 30s and you only 21, so you were technically closer to Seb’s age, which led to a friendship blossoming between the two of you. You’d been on numerous trips and holidays with the pair of them, and you’d been to a fair few races to cheer them on.

Of course with the proximity and the similar ages, Jenson was terrified that Seb would try something with you, and he threatened him several times over the course of their friendship. Him being so much older than you meant he was extremely protective, sometimes bordering on overbearing. And you noticed that as you got older, Jenson rarely left you and Seb alone in the same room for more than 5 minutes without checking in on whether you “needed a drink” or “have you seen my charger? I swear I left it near your stuff could you please look for me thanks” …

This particular weekend had been quite intense, the three of you going out several nights in a row, and you finally managed to get some alone time in the peace and quiet of your brother’s house while the boys went to pick up some pizza for dinner before you all went out again afterward.

Which is why you were so shocked when you opened the bathroom door to pee and got an eyeful of Seb in the bath, very naked, and with the way his hand flew out of the water (splashing half the room in the process) you were pretty sure he had just been caught touching himself. You had caught him. Touching himself.  In the bath.  Naked.  In the bath naked, touching himself.  In your bathroom.  You had caught him touching himself in your bathroom, in the bath.  Naked.

It took you a few seconds to absorb the situation before you shouted “Oh my god! I am so sorry!” and covered your eyes (about 30 seconds too late but it’s the thought that counts!) before backing out and shutting the door, ignoring Seb’s yells about it being his fault for not locking the door.

You hightailed it straight to your bedroom and slammed the door, locked it, and slid to the floor, with your head in your hands.

…

Seb’s dick.

…

That’s the only thought your mind could conjure up for the next several minutes. You didn’t even get a great look at it, being more entranced by the blush quickly spreading down Seb’s neck and toned chest at your intrusion, and it was distorted by the rippling water, but it was there. It existed. And now it refused to leave your mind for even a second.

That’s when you heard the tell-tale noise of the front door closing and Jenson coming back from his pizza run. He called out for you, but the lack of an answer made him come looking for you.

He knocked on your door and tried opening it but failed, immediately making him worry.

“You alright in there, love? I’ve got the pizzas” he spoke softly through the door.

You huffed, you really didn’t want to face Seb after that, so you played the illness card.

“I really don’t feel well Jense, I’m going to sit this one out!” you called out.

He frowned, you seemed fine 20 minutes ago when he left. “You sure? I got you your favourite!” “I’m sorry! You can have it, and you two go have fun tonight! I need to sleep last night off, and I’ll go out with you guys tomorrow!”

He wasn’t convinced but there was no point in arguing with you, so he eventually agreed and left you alone. He and Seb went out an hour later and you were left to your own devices, so you got into your pyjamas (which consisted of a large t-shirt and not much else), made yourself some food and slinked back to your room as thoughts of Seb kept plaguing your mind.

It’s not like you’d never realised Seb was attractive, of course you’d noticed, look at the man for god’s sake. But seeing him all flushed and naked and wet had awoken something in you. Something very dangerous, given the nature of your relationship.

Your thoughts soon drifted to rather lewd areas, as you pictured Seb in multiple situations. Running his hands up and down your naked body in the shower. Sinking to his knees at your feet as he devoured you. Fucking you into the mattress with a hand over your mouth to not alert your brother with your moans. Fucking you in his driver’s room next time you went to a race. Making you come over and over while whispering dirty things in your ear.

Your fantasies were interrupted by the sound of the front door again. You glanced at the clock, it read 3:26.  It seems time flies when you’re thirsting over your brother’s best friend, but it was still oddly early for them to be coming home.

You heard footsteps shuffling along the corridor and they stopped right in front of your door, the owner of the feet seemingly listening for any noise coming from your room.

“Jense?” you called out.

“No” Seb’s voice answered, “It’s me, can I come in?”

“Yeah” you sighed, you couldn’t avoid him forever.

He poked his head in, smiling softly at you before padding over to the bed as you sat on the edge next to him, consciously crossing your legs to avoid another incident, given your lack of underwear.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked.

“Not really, although I’ll admit I didn’t see the time pass at all… What about you guys? This is rather early for you two, isn’t it?”

He chuckled and looked deep into your eyes. “I’m here on my own, actually”.

For some reason that made a shiver go down your spine. “Jenson found a companion to go home with, and I didn’t feel like partying alone.”

“Aaah” you sighed comically “slagclaren strikes again”

He laughed softly. “Yeah…”

You looked at each other for a while before the tension became unbearable and you looked away, blushing.

“So about earlier-” he started but you stood up suddenly and interrupted him.

“Please Seb, I really don’t want to talk about it, it was super embarrassing, and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for you, I’m so sorry”

He cocked his head to the side, frowning at you. “Why would I be uncomfortable? It was an accident, and I’m not exactly embarrassed by my body so… no harm done” he smiled sweetly when your gaze snapped to him.

You laughed in disbelief “Well I should hope you’re not embarrassed by your body! It’s so -”

The image of his wet, muscular body flashed through your mind, along with all the other images you’d conjured up since “uhhhmm…” your brain took a second to reboot.

He smirked “Go on, what is it?”

You blushed profusely and stuttered “Uh, well, it’s uhmm… It’s good”  and then you went and gave him a fucking thumbs up.

Jesus, you couldn’t be more lame if you tried.

He raised his eyebrows and smirked even wider “It’s good??”

 “You know what I mean!” you whined defensively, face becoming redder by the second “You’re a high-performance athlete! You’re all muscly and… and hot, you know? Like my brother!”

What. The. Fuck.

Your eyes widened in shock “I’m sorry I don’t know why I said that! I panicked! I don’t think my brother’s hot! I mean objectively he is, I guess! But I just-”

Seb was laughing, and he stood up to pull you into a hug.

“Hey, it’s okay I was just teasing you.” he whispered into your ear. “The look on your face when you opened the door and saw me in the bath told me everything I needed to know about what you think of my body…”

Your breath hitched. “Wh- what?”

“You couldn’t take your eyes off of me” he leaned back to look at you “And I think you know what I was doing when you came in…”

He spoke so softly you could barely hear him through the pounding of your heart, and he slowly leaned in and whispered, “Do you know what I was thinking about while I touched myself in your bathroom?”

You whimpered and closed your eyes, the smell of his cologne was overwhelming your senses, and you were on the brink of doing something incredibly stupid. You shook your head. “No, I don’t…”

He chuckled “No?” his hands slid down to wrap around your waist “Let me show you then”

The feeling of his lips on yours didn’t exactly come as a shock, but it was electrifying, and you deepened the kiss immediately, despite the alarm bells ringing in your mind. Your hands went up to grip his hair and he groaned, his hips bucking into yours as he slotted a thigh between your legs for you to grind on.

His hands slid further down and gripped your ass and you gasped, throwing your head back, and he took the opportunity to start kissing down your neck.

"We shouldn't be doing this" you panted, but it sounded weak and shaky even to you.

"Your brother doesn't have to know" he responded, lowering himself down to the ground. He patted the bed and winked at you. “Sit on the edge for me, princess”

You hesitated, and he suddenly looked worried. “I don’t want to force you into anything. If you want, we can just forget everything and go back to being friends”

The thought of that made your heart sink into your stomach.

“It’s just… my brother’s going to kill us if he finds out” you chewed on your bottom lip.

“I won’t tell him if you don’t” he flashed his signature grin, and when yougave him a shy smile in return, he tapped the bed again.

“Now are you going to sit down like a good girl or do I have to make you sit?”

You were almost a blur with how fast you moved.

Once you were settled, Seb spread your legs and glanced down, finally noticing that you were bare before him. He gasped and lightly bit your knee to stop himself from jumping on you immediately.

“Baby, you’re going to be the death of me” he said, nosing up your thigh and you giggled at his reaction, and the feel of his stubble on your sensitive skin.

“Naughty girl, not wearing any panties with your brother’s best friend in your room. One could think you had an ulterior motive…”

He hiked up your legs over his shoulders and pulled your hips almost over the edge, forcing you to lay down and cling to the bed as he licked a stripe up your already wet pussy. He savoured the taste for a second, muttering a curse in German, before diving in completely, lips and tongue working in tandem to drive you crazy.

When his fingers joined the party, it took you no time at all to fall over the precipice, lips chanting his name as your fingers gripped the sheets for dear life.

But he didn’t stop there, he was like a man starved and you writhed in pleasure as he just kept going and you got close to edge again in record time.

“Are you going to be a good girl for me and give me another one?” He mumbled into your pussy as his fingers continued their assault. But you were so close you couldn’t speak, which displeased him greatly, so he pulled away, your orgasm slowly fading as you whined.

“Words, princess, I need words”

But you were incapable of words, so he slapped you. Right on your abused cunt as you cried out. The shock of it turned you on so much you couldn’t think straight.

He waited, but your lack of response warranted another slap, this time slightly higher up on your clit and you squeaked.

“I’ll ask again. Are you going to be a good girl for me and come on my fingers when I say so?”

He’d barely finished his sentence before you wailed “Yes Seb! Anything for you, fuck- please!”

He chuckled “So desperate for it” he slid three fingers in easily and started a brutal pace “Fuck, you’re so much wetter, you like me abusing your pretty pussy, hmm? Making it all puffy and red when you disobey me?”

“Yes Seb, fuck I’m so close!”

“Good girl, go on then, come for me princess”

And you did, so hard that you almost blacked out.

You’d barely recovered before you found yourself being dragged up the bed, legs hooked around his waist, his arms wrapped around you tight as he pounded into you desperately, panting and groaning into your neck.

“You feel so good, so tight around me, fuck- I’ve wanted to do this for so long, schatz…”

You gasped and he deepened his thrusts, hitting all the perfect spots inside you.

“I never want to leave this pussy, so fucking good for me, taking me so well, princess” he reached up, grabbed a pillow and placed it under your hips to raise them up a bit. Then he grabbed your waist for leverage to deepen the angle of his thrusts even more, making you see stars.

“I’m so close, Seb… fuck, can I come please?” you gasped, and his hand moved to rub tight circles around your puffy, sensitive clit.

“Come for me baby, such a good girl, all over my cock, that’s it…” he cooed as your body arched off the bed and your nails dug into his shoulders as you came around him.

Your pussy was like a vice around his cock and his hips stuttered, he was so close.

He came after only a few more thrusts, groaning out broken sentences as his hips slammed into yours, eyes locked on to where his cock disappeared inside you.

“Going to fucking fill you up, princess… Deep inside this cunt… all mine… Squeezing so perfect around me… fucking take it, take it all, … fuck- ”

He collapsed on top of you, breathing hard as he came down from his high, face buried in your neck.

The next few minutes should have been awkward. You had just fucked your brother’s best friend. He had just come inside his best friend’s little sister.  But, weirdly, it all felt stupidly natural.

“You want to take a shower with me?” You asked, standing up on shaky legs as you felt his come drip down your inner thighs “Or would you prefer a bath?” You smirked at him and waddled into the bathroom.

“Shower please, I don’t like baths.” he replied.

You hummed as it took you a few seconds for your brain to catch up with that statement.

But then it hit you like a bucket of freezing water.

“ You. What?!!”

[nadas-dirthalen]

I Saw Solas's Origin in an Achievement Icon and It Opened My Eyes on 15 Years of Lore

— PART THREE: if you haven't read previous parts, do it now! —

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ]

Welcome, friends and travelers! I wanted to get some thoughts recorded before Veilguard's release so I could see if I am right about an absolute BOATLOAD of theories I have.

In short: I saw the achievement list when it was released. I have seen the backstory hints for Solas included in said list. AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN.

You have been warned: THIS COLLECTION OF THEORIES INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR EVERY DRAGON AGE GAME AND ALL PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL UP TO AND INCLUDING OCTOBER 18, 2024.

Come sit down with me. Make a nice cup of tea (and hide it from Solas). We've got a lot of unpacking to do.

(this photo isn't the spoiler, I just like it.)

Today's Discussion:

So far, we've covered a few things. We know Solas was "born" from (or manifested from) a branch of raw lyrium while he was still connected to a Titan. We know there were hints toward this from across all three previous games, plus a lot of external media. We know his "birth" was initiated/instigated by Mythal.

We also know that there are quite a lot of hints about memory and forgetting across what we've covered so far, from Cole's dialogue to old elvhen lullabies.

But from here, we must ask ourselves: What ARE the Forgotten Ones? And if Solas really IS Titan-born, what does that say about the rest of everything we know about the world of Thedas and its magic?

Why the Titans are the Forgotten Ones

Fen'Harel Walked Between Both Clans of Gods

The Abyss and the Fade

Lyrium: Titans' Blood, Emerald Waters of the Fade

What IS a Spirit, Then?

Solas's Magic: What Was He Born With?

Solas and Petrification

Solas and "Blood" Magic // The Red Lyrium Idol

What Did Solas Absorb at the End of DA:I?

Why the Titans are the Forgotten Ones

Okay. This, I admit, could have been its own post. There is a LOT to cover with just this topic. I was in the midst of outlining such a post when one of my favourite Dragon Age theorycrafters (girltriesgames) came out with this video, which summarizes every point I'd gave gone into at length. Go watch it, if you want the full deep-dive!

For now, I will summarize some of the video's points:

There were two clans of gods, according to Merrill. The first was the Evanuris, and the Forgotten Gods were the second.

Fen'Harel walked among both clans without fear, and both believed he was one of them.

The Forgotten Ones have been "sealed" in the Abyss, which we know is the deep underground from the Descent DLC and other sources such as the Anvil of the Void.

The Forgotten Ones are cited by Merrill and the World of Thedas books as being at war with the Evanuris, namely Mythal and Elgar'nan being at war with four Forgotten Ones; in the Trespasser DLC, it mentions that the Titans were at war with the Evanuris, and slain by Mythal and Elgar'nan.

The Hissing Wastes features codices from ancient dwarves who fled to the surface to escape a war that was ultimately... forgotten, featuring dragons being used as weapons that slaughtered their kin. Obviously an above-ground enemy!

There are countless mentions of the word "Forgotten" around the Titans and dwarves. The Titans have been forgotten. They do not exist in the Memories of Orzammar. The sleeping Titans have forgotten how to wake up.

Cole makes many mentions of forgotten songs in relation to the sleeping Titans and also to the dwarves. Curiously, he even ties these concepts to the Templars, who employ the same magic (according to Cole).

Fen'Harel Walked Between Both Clans of Gods

Once I knew that Solas is made from lyrium and that the Titans are the Forgotten Ones, everything clicked into place for me. The legends say that Fen'Harel walked between both "clans" of gods because each one believed him to be one of their own. That sentence made less sense to me before, because I wondered: how does an elf fool an entire other clan of gods into believing he belongs to them?

Understanding that the Titans are the Forgotten Ones, famously the clan of gods that the Evanuris (namely Mythal and Elgar'nan) warred with... well, it makes sense now, doesn't it? Solas was able to walk between both clans of gods because he DOES have roots in both. Solas is crafted FROM a Titan. Solas BECAME an Evanuris. The Titan would recognize him as one of its own; the Evanuris accept him as one of their own.

This is backed up even further by a piece of Solas's dialogue in The Threat Remains.

"I have journeyed deep into the Fade in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I’ve watched as hosts of spirits clash to reenact the bloody past of ancient wars both famous and forgotten."

The Titans' existence was struck from Orzammar's Memories. Cole makes endless mentions of forgotten songs, old songs. Beings that are sleeping and don't remember how to wake up. Beings that have forgotten even themselves. Solas refers to dwarves as the severed arm of a once mighty hero.

"Wars both famous and forgotten," therefore, might refer to a war that was famous among the ancient elvhen, but forgotten by the rest of the world. One side takes pride in the mining of lyrium from slain titans. The other is doomed never to know what was lost.

But the question remains: When Solas created the Veil to imprison the Evanuris, what exactly happened to the Titans?

The Abyss and the Fade

To truly understand what happened to the Titans, we must first understand what, exactly, the Veil was making a divide between. We know much of what happened to the Fade: that Solas says it was once a state of nature like the wind, flowing through everything. That now it is mutable and unpredictable, with little in the way of permanence in anything. That it takes the shape of the thoughts and memories of those within it. That magic functions unpredictably within it.

But what about what that meant for the Titans? What happened to them with this split? And, more importantly, what was the Fade in relation to them?

Let's start with what we know about the Titans' domain. Frequently called the Abyss or the Void, the realm of the Titans is below the surface. Yet, in much elvhen literature found in Trespasser, their domain is referred to as the Earth.

I believe, based on the context of those codices, that the Earth and the Abyss are not the same. The Abyss refers to the caverns in the deep underground. The Earth, specifically, is the Titans who live within the Abyss. Earth, in the ancient elvhen, pre-Veil context, may refer to the Titans' bodies—lyrium—while "Pillars of the Earth" refers to the Titans as sentient beings. The Song to Elgar'nan talks about wanting victory over the Earth, capital 'E.'

Though the Chant of Light describes the Void as more a state of being, the ancient elvhen describe it as Andruil's old hunting grounds.

One day Andruil grew tired of hunting mortal men and beasts. She began stalking the Forgotten Ones, wicked things that thrive in the abyss. Yet even a god should not linger there, and each time she entered the Void, Andruil suffered longer and longer periods of madness after returning. Andruil put on armor made of the Void, and all forgot her true face. She made weapons of darkness, and plague ate her lands. She howled things meant to be forgotten, and the other gods became fearful Andruil would hunt them in turn.

The time of Andruil using the Void as her hunting grounds predates the Veil. Overall, we already know much of what this codex implies about the Void: that it is dark, underground, and that there is reason we know of that would send Andruil back with madness (the abundance of raw lyrium and the fact that the Evanuris are mages, plus Andruil's lyrium armor).

What I want to focus on is that the Forgotten Ones were thriving in the Abyss before the Veil went up. They were alive and, ostensibly, able to fight back. They had access to their will and to their consciousness.

That consciousness seems to have disappeared with the creation of the Veil. Let me rephrase.

The Titans lost access to their consciousness with the creation of the Veil. At the same time. And what did the Veil do? What is the SOLE thing it did?

Separated the Fade from the waking world.

A collection of facts, when taken together, lead me to my conclusion about the relationship between the Abyss, the Fade, and the Titans.

The Forgotten Ones (Titans) live in the Abyss

They were conscious and "thriving" before the Veil went up

Cole remarks that they have "forgotten" how to wake up in the time since

No one has memory of the Titans, not even the dwarves

Lyrium is the blood of the Titans

and lyrium grows in the Fade.

Lyrium: Titans' Blood, and the Emerald Waters of the Fade

I think a lot of us (me included) have been thinking about the Fade all wrong. I think a lot of people consider the Fade to be this Other Thing™ that was once a part of the world, and is now separate. Now, I believe differently. I think that the Fade and the Titans were once two pieces of one whole, and creating the Veil effectively sundered all Titans' consciousness from their bodies.

In short: I think the Fade is the Titans' missing consciousness.

That's why I think it is very important not just that Lyrium exists in the Fade, but that it grows there. It implies that the Fade is still alive, just like the Titans are still alive, but asleep.

When Solas says, "I seek... regeneration" in Vows & Vengeance, I think this is what he means: reconnecting these two sundered pieces.

We've always thought as the Fade as the realm of spirits. Those characters who contemplate the Veil being torn down immediately think about how many spirits and demons that might unleash upon Thedas.

But I must ask: If the Fade is the consciousness of sundered Titans, where did the first spirits come from, before the creation of the Veil? What relation could Titans have with spirits?

What IS a Spirit, Then?

I'm sure that I am not alone when I say that my original guess for Solas's origin story is that he was a spirit that took mortal, corporeal shape. We've all heard Cole say, "He did not want a body, but she asked him to come." We all know that the Dread Wolf's six eyes greatly resemble a Pride demon, and we have seen that Solas' Manifestation achievement icon features those same six eyes.

If you're like me, you might've seen that and wondered how exactly this is all related. How can Solas be a spirit of Wisdom turned to Pride if he came from a Titan?

I'm here to tell you: I think those are the same thing.

And the Chant of Light agrees with me.

Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew. Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you. In my arms lies Eternity. —Andraste 14:11

Many believe that the well of sorrows and the waters of the Fade must have elemental associations with, well... water. But I'd like to put forth a different interpretation.

Lyrium exists in liquid form, once refined. The Bastion of the Pure in the Descent DLC has a literal underground sea. We know that lyrium is the Titans' blood, growing both in the Abyss and the Fade. We also know that the Fade, domain of spirits, is likely the Titans' sundered consciousness.

The "well of all souls," then, is the same as the "emerald waters." Both of them refer not to water, not to oceans, but to lyrium.

I think every spirit on Thedas, not just the dwarves, came from the Titans originally.

To test the validity of my idea, I then asked myself: what do we know of spirits and their nature?

We know that spirits all boil down to one singular quality: Wisdom, Compassion, Purpose, Love, Justice, etc etc etc.

We know that those qualities can change back and forth from "virtuous" to "demonic" depending on the spirit's own feelings and reactions to the world. The trauma of crossing the Veil or being bound can force Wisdom to become Pride (Solas's personal quest) or Compassion to Rage (Down Among the Dead Men from Tevinter Nights).

Not all spirits are named for "virtues" or "sins." For instance, there are Hunger demons, and hunger is not a sin.

Spirits can be killed outright. When that happens, they may reform, but they are never quite the same when they coalesce again. There are also "ancient spirits" mentioned throughout the franchise, which tells me that not all spirits are the same age. They were not all created at the same time.

Many spirits are mere wisps, without one of those one-word qualities. They must gain power before they take such a shape.

To me, that sounds a lot like how thoughts work.

Our singular thoughts could also be boiled down to singular qualities, if framed in a certain way. For instance, my current craving for food is very much a Hunger thought. My constant joy in reading World of Thedas stems from Curiosity. Terrible traffic conditions inspire fleeting Rage, which changes when I remember my Compassion for other drivers who might be erratic because they're going through an emergency or something traumatic.

People don't remember every single thought they have. The ones that stick with us over time? They remain with us because they are powerful. Stronger memories stick around longer; the rest fade away or become shapeless until we try really hard to remember them again.

But when we do remember things we have forgotten? We never remember them exactly the same, do we? If I remember I thought I had as a child, I have to remember it with the context of my current 30-year-old self. I will never experience the thought exactly as my 5-year-old self did.

As long as I have access to my own consciousness, I will constantly produce new thoughts and memories.

Therefore?

Specifically, I think that all spirits on Thedas are the thoughts of Titans, once either held in lyrium or free to drift through the Fade before the Veil existed. Those spirits may then manifest into a corporeal shape, like Cole does, if they have enough power.

And Solas? Solas is one such thought-spirit, who used to be held in lyrium, who Mythal convinced (or coerced) to take shape.

Which explains a great deal about every type of magic we see him use.

Solas's Magic: What Was He Born With?

Oh, Solas, you beautiful enigma. For so long, we thought of you as an ordinary mage. Then, with the big Fen'Harel reveal and the way you began petrifying people in Trespasser, we thought you were something else.

Mages draw their power from the Fade. It looks like the dwarven magic we're seeing (from Harding, from Valta, from Sandal) draws its power from the Stone, in addition to manipulating it. So what gives? How is Solas able to pull from both schools of magic? Is he a mage? Is he kin with the dwarves?

Now, with all the knowledge we've gained through one singular achievement icon jpeg, I understand: you are both, and you are neither.

We must remember that all ancient elvhen are born in a pre-Veil era. With the knowledge we have, that means an era when the Titans were not sundered from their thoughts, and all magic in the world was one thing. If all spirits are the thoughts of Titans made manifest (either as living concepts or as corporeal beings) and the Fade is just one part of Titans' whole existence, then a world without the Veil is a world where we don't need to think of those magics as two separate things.

Rather, they are both magic, but opposing schools of the same magic. When we think of the four elements here in OUR world, we think of earth and air as opposites—but in a lot of media, magic users have access to both. Often, they are weak to each other, one cancelling out the other.

We see this laid out more clearly in this codex from the Vir Dirthara.

"The unchanging world is delicate: spells of power invite disaster and annihilation. The unchanging world is stubborn: the pull of the earth fiercely resists making fire run like water or stone rise like mist. The unchanging world rings with its own harmony. Listen with fearless hearts, and great works will unfold."

This codex is actively encouraging the magic users of ancient elvhen (AKA, all people from that time) to listen with fearless hearts to the "unchanging world" to exert will over the "pull of the earth." They're not saying to avoid the Titans, or to dominate them with an abundance of their own (Fade) magic. By tapping into the Titans' rhythm, even the magic of the Fade is embellished. Made stronger.

To be alive in that time is to be able to wield both magics interchangeably—but just like Aang in Avatar: the Last Airbender, the pull of the earth is a notoriously difficult thing for "air" (Fade) magic-users to grasp, and vice versa.

(A tiny aside: I believe these discoveries about spirits and magic teach us the distinction between elven and elvhen. The latter translates to "spirit-soul," loosely—the spirits that came out of the Titans. I believe elven refers to the corporeal descendants of those elvhen that sexually reproduced.)

Solas and Petrification

Many of us speculated for a long, long time that Solas's ability to petrify people—an ability associated with Sandal and Harding—was something he took from a dwarven or Titan-aligned source. People speculated that Urthemiel, the archdemon, must be somehow connected to the magic of the Stone.

I have a different theory: Solas has always had this capability, but the power he absorbed from Mythal is what has allowed him to once again perform the magic of the Stone from whence he came.

Maybe utilizing both magics to such a powerful degree (remember his Mind Blast from Trespasser?) requires that a mage be more powerful than most, carrying two "sects" of magic within them and using both in such a great and terrible capacity (like how the Avatar is more powerful than other benders, able to carry multiple elements because of bonding with the spirit of Raava, to continue with my previous example).

Solas and "Blood" Magic // The Red Lyrium Idol

I'll preface this by saying: no, I have no idea why Solas has changed his tune about blood magic in DA:tV. I hope to find out in five days!

I do want to suggest that, for Solas, blood magic might mean something different than it does for everyone else. Solas's blood, while he has taken a corporeal shape almost identical to any other elven person, may not be the same chemical make as the blood of mortals. That might explain why he has not experimented with it much during the time of Inquisition, and might explain why he does not want to use his own blood in DA:tV.

Instead, his blood might be closer to lyrium than we expected. And the red lyrium idol might be HIS idol.

Some of you might remember that way back in part 1, I noted that a hint for Solas's origin from previous games and external media is that, in Tevinter Nights, the Dread Wolf refers to the red lyrium idol as "my idol" before slaying the Mortalitasi trying to perform a blood magic ritual with it. It confused me, for a long time, why the Dread Wolf (the big wolf form, not necessarily one with Solas) would refer to the idol as "my idol" before actually retrieving it to keep. The explanation seems simple: it was his first.

This makes me wonder, given everything we know, if the idol first belonged to the Dread Wolf because it is made from the Dread Wolf's blood. Since the Dread Wolf is a piece of a Titan, that would make its blood likely at least related to lyrium, right?

Many have also speculated that Solas's ritual dagger, which gets passed on to Rook, is made from a purified/reforged red lyrium idol. Given the blood connection between Rook and Solas, it makes sense to me that if the dagger is indeed made from the blood of the Dread Wolf (and/or Solas), that is why Rook has access to its abilities.

What Did Solas Absorb at the End of DA:I?

I cannot for the life of me find a well-cropped image, but this post on Reddit talks about a designer note from the post-credits scene of DA:I between Solas and Flemeth. Namely that Solas does not take Mythal's soul when he absorbs power from her. Before he absorbs that power, Mythal passes her soul on to Morrigan.

While David Gaider had previously advised fans to not necessarily take this as canon, it seems to be proving true in Morrigan's design change, featuring Flemeth's crown.

That means there are two things Solas may have still absorbed from Mythal, since her soul was already "spoken for."

Raw power

The soul of Urthemiel, the archdragon slain in Origins. This is true in every world state with Kieran, but I would wager that Urthemiel's soul belongs with Mythal in every world state, since Flemeth said she had an "appointment to keep" in the prologue of DA2, which is why she did not travel with Hawke. My guess is she went to Denerim, poking at the remains of the slain archdemon until, 10 years later in Inquisition, she was in possession of Urthemiel's soul no matter what.

We know, however, that archdemons are sundered pieces of the Evanuris. We've been able to suspect this since Inquisition, where we see Corypheus's archdemon is in possession of a piece of his soul and is therefore the secret to his immortality.

I don't think either of this gave Solas access to any new spells. Rather, I think either one (or both!) might have granted him the power necessary to access spells he already knows from both Fade magic and Stone magic.

However, I'd like to touch on just one thing before this post concludes.

I believe that Urthemiel is June's archdemon. The Chant of Light references an Architect of Beauty, just as it references Corypheus, the Conductor of Silence. These are high priests of the so-called "Old Gods," which were revealed as archdemons when Dumat appeared during the First Blight. Corypheus was the high priest of Dumat, the old god of Silence.

I believe the word Architect being used as the title for the high priest of Urthemiel is indicative of the Evanuris that Urthemiel belongs to. There is one Evanuris known for craftsmanship: June, who we know nothing about.

The reason I mention this is that, if nothing else, June's abilities may have allowed Solas to "purify" and shape the red lyrium idol into his ritual dagger that we see in Veilguard.

In conclusion: I believe Solas has always had access to the Stone, but it would certainly be interesting to see if each Evanuris has their own suite of magical abilities, potentially due to the Titan from which some of them originated (more on THAT in a later post, stay tuned!).

If you read this far, THANK YOU, as always! The collective hype of everyone reading and sharing these is making me all the more excited for Veilguard.

Keep an eye out for the next instalment in this series: What the Chant of Light teaches us about Solas, Mythal, and the Evanuris at large.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hey! before I begin, I wanted to say how much I love your comics!! the style and palettes are really soothing, and it's always nice to read them, relate heavily, and not feel quite such an oddball!! so thanks :]

I (very recently) received the results of my diagnosis for autism and adhd (I got both, and a couple other smaller things) and was wondering what things you did differently immediately after diagnosis that helped you? I've tried things like proper organisation and cleaning, keeping on top of deadlines for college as much as I am able, and trying to study as much as I can (a levels are very stressful even though I've only just started the course, and while these solutions are what's considered "good" by the college, its not really helping me as much as I would like)

a large part of the diagnosis was dedicated to brain function (I had the privelidge of being assessed privately, so the evidence was very detailed and thorough), and I scored stupidly high on vocabulary and language study. However, I feel like there's somewhat of a disconnect between the effort I've put in on my foreign language studies and the progress I'm seeing- I'm trying so so hard to understand grammatical concepts and absorb a lot of vocabulary in preparation for some smaller tests in the near future, but I'm not seeing the reward during lessons or even with preparation. I am fully aware that with all the work and effort I'm spending, I am closer than I would like to be to a meltdown and probably burnout, which I desperately want to avoid. It just feels that although my brain is wired for linguistic study, I feel like I'm falling behind or failing

I guess if you have any advice or anything that helped you once your diagnosis was confirmed, or tips for study, I would be greatly appreciative :]

Tldr: struggling with study and fearful of failure, any advice?

hnng I remember the stress of A levels, you couldn't pay me to go through that again 🫠

After being diagnosed I started to allow myself to unmask and stim in more obvious ways. Previously my stims had generally been pretty small, like flicking my fingers or wiggling a bit, but now I allow myself to flap and rock and play with fidget toys as well and it genuinely does help release tension.

It sounds like your're working really hard - if you feel close to burnout and/or meltdowns, you might be working too hard. I also found it really hard to take breaks when I was studying (...still do) but the truth is, by not allowing your mind to rest, you're actually making it harder for yourself to learn and retain information.

So my advice is, take a break! A real break, not 'I'm gonna scroll on my phone for a bit' or 'I went to the toilet that counts as a break right'. Get up, step away from your work for at least an hour, and do something you find relaxing and fun. Go for a walk or just sit outside. Make yourself a drink. Take a nap if you need to. Try to avoid looking at screens during your break if you can. And when you go back to studying, schedule times to have regular short breaks as well (eg a 10 minute break every hour). I set alarms for mine because otherwise I forget to move for five hours.

A break allows your brain to process the information and let it settle properly. When you go back to work you'll hopefully feel more refreshed and able to take in information again. Remember, if you've just started the course, then this is a marathon, not a sprint, so please try not to overdo it and burn yourself out right at the start. Conserve your energy for the long haul.

If you're still struggling, are you able to ask for help, maybe from a friend or a teacher? A teacher could give you some techniques on how to improve in the specific areas you find difficult, and sometimes just talking through the bit you're having trouble with or not understanding can help a lot.

Good luck with your studies and I hope you take some time to rest as well :)

[projectbluearcadia]

Happy Birthday, Lucifer! '24

NSFW Lucifer x F!MC Spice Rating - 4/4 HOLY F*CK THAT'S HOT

[ Scenario: It's Lucifer's birthday, and you've decided to give him some special stress relief as his present. ]

---

Winner, winner, girlie dinner: As of 6/5 13:15, the vote was for Lucifer to dominate the shit out of you and use you as his stress ball with 28.7% of the votes. 6% higher (roughly 17 people) than the vote to spoil him.  That being said, Lucifer may still be spoiled in a week or so because it was such a close contest for a while... --- To those who fear my masochistic tastes, I kept it relatively vanilla. Mostly. With that said, CW: Spanking (open hand); Orgasm denial; Overstimulation; Creampie; Ripping clothing(?) ---

Also, this was supposed to be gender-neutral. But I ended up making it centered towards female genitalia again because I am a whore for details. To male-identifying individuals who either do not want their muffin used for sex or only possess the fabled cucumber,

I am very sorry. > ~ <

---

Wordcount: 3972 (Don't worry; it's mostly sex.)

smutty notes (consult if you haven’t read my smut before.)

“Lucifer?” you say softly as you knock on his door frame. He’s too busy mumbling under his breath, his hair disheveled and the muscles in his left cheek twitching with annoyance. His room is a disaster area, his belongings scattered on the floor as he tromps his way across his bedroom, shoving things around in his wardrobe. “Luci? Honey, hello? What’s the matter?”

“Oh…” Lucifer finally glances at you, his face softening a little. “MC. Hi. Hello. What do you want? Don’t look at the mess.” Difficult, but okay. 

“Are you looking for something?” 

“No,” he says, a little too sharply before he stubbornly looks away. Did the poor baby lose his necklace again? Honestly… I thought I already told him not to worry about it. 

“Then why are you so worked up when Diavolo and I made sure you could take today off? You know we’re not letting you forget your birthday exists again.” You fold your arms, and Lucifer stares at his fireplace before he kneels and starts raking the ashes restlessly. 

“I’m not worked up,” he grumbles. 

“Lucifer, you’re not going to gain anything by lying to me. Come on; what’s the matter?” You crouch next to him, stopping his hand from raking, and he looks at you. “Remember, I can help you, but I can only help you out if you tell me what you’re looking for.” 

Lucifer is silent for a long, awkward several moments. Then:

“My necklace. I don’t know how, because I made sure that I always drape it on the skeleton’s hand, but I’ve looked everywhere.” Lucifer’s eyes shine. “As if it wasn’t bad enough that Diavolo has been frosty with me, my brothers have been trying to hog you all to themselves, and now I’m losing my sanity. I swear I put it on the skeleton. I always put it there, and now it’s gone.” 

You let out a low groan. Yeah. Being secretive was a mistake; this idiot would have been too absorbed in work anyway to realize we were talking about his birthday.

“Lucifer, you’re not going crazy. We can look for it later. I just want you to enjoy your birthday today, okay? That’s your only job today. Enjoy your birthday. I even have a nice surprise for you tonight. Now, how about we go downstairs and get some breakfast in you? I cut some Princess Poison Apples.” 

“...fine,” he mumbles, though it seems as if he’s still hovering in a sea of annoyance and worry as he stands and follows you into the dining room to find what you made for him, even as you dart to the corner, where you put one of his favorite cursed records into a gramophone and start it playing.

It fills up the silence left by his brothers currently taking care of his work at R.A.D. A part of you feels bad for having him share breakfast with you alone, but as the morning goes on, some of his stress seems to dissolve. You smile to yourself, arrogantly believing that he’d start to wind down by evening. 

Unfortunately, that evening, you find out that the reason Lucifer couldn’t find his necklace that morning was because Mammon nicked it. Not because he was going to pawn it; instead, he had it enchanted by a sorceress so that it would let out an alarming cry—so that was why Belphie was recording you screaming! Bitch!—when Lucifer overworked himself. It really is a thoughtful gift, which is the only reason you’re able to stop Lucifer from hanging Mammon from the ceiling. 

Lucifer calms down at your behest, but it becomes quite clear to you that he majorly bottled up his stress throughout the past few days. A part of you feels guilty, since you’ve been so busy trying to help throw this party for Lucifer that he must have felt left out. Even if he seemed like he enjoyed most of the day… 

You find yourself changing your plan for the night; you were originally going to shower him with praise and pleasure the shit out of him, but you think he needs to let off some steam. He’ll probably like it if you told him to mark you up after he spent several days feeling jealous and maybe even irritated with you.

“Use me like your stress ball.” 

“...what?” Lucifer asks, confused as he closes the door behind you, locking it, the door briefly glowing blue before returning to normal. “MC, I could never do that to you…” His words trail off as he watches you slide your shirt off, then your pants, his eyes lingering on every inch of your lingerie-clad body. “Is that part of my present tonight?” 

You saunter up to Lucifer, laying your fingers on the back of his neck, rubbing his cheek as you reply, “Part of it, yes.”

“You were wearing that… all day?” It seems as if he’s just as annoyed as he is excited by that fact as you nod your head. “Just how do you think something like that is acceptable…? You couldn’t have told me earlier? I’ve wanted to touch you all day, but I didn’t because you put so much thought and effort into celebrating with me.” 

“Oh, honey…” You kiss his cheek, only for him to snatch up your lips like a hungry wolf. He kisses you, his tongue smashing up against yours, quickly overpowering you and claiming your mouth like it’s his first time doing so. You moan as you break for air, softly panting. “Dominate the shit out of me; let out all of that stress.” 

“Are you sure you want to give me a blank check like that?” Lucifer asks softly, almost dangerously, and you get yourself close to his ear to whisper:

“It’s your birthday present, Lucifer. Do things to me that you wouldn’t normally dare ask for. I’ll tell you if I don’t want it.” 

Those words snap whatever tether is keeping him in check. 

In the next instant, he has you pinned against the wall, both your wrists in one hand and clamped high above your head. His other hand is busy feeling your body up and down as he smashes his lips back over yours, a startled grunt leaving your mouth as he does so. His fingers drag just under your skimpy underwear, teasing you sweetly with the offer of getting closer to your sensitive spots.

When he breaks from you again, your chest heaves for breath, saliva dropping from your mouth as he moves away. Dammit, not that look… have mercy, you find yourself thinking as Lucifer fucks you with his eyes, his mind undoubtedly racing with all the possibilities of all the different ways he can wreck you.

“Do you… have any idea how much it gets under my skin when I ask you for the smallest amount of time, and you refuse me?” 

“Well, I—”

“No.” he growls, pressing his index finger firmly over your swollen lips. “I already know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say it was for my surprise, but I hated it. I don’t like being ignored. I don’t like not getting what I want. You’re all mine, so why did I have to watch you go off and do things with my brothers? Things I want to do with you?” 

“We can do those—” you try to say, but Lucifer puts his gloved finger in your mouth. Then another, stroking your tongue, and the taste of leather fills your mouth. 

“We can, and we will,” he whispered darkly. “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting off the hook. I think you deserve a punishment. A punishment that will ensure you won’t do that to me again.” 

An eager moan slips out of your mouth, and Lucifer starts to gently thrust his fingers back and forth, as if giving you a taste of what he’s going to do to you later. His knee finds its way between your legs, grinding into your core. You close your eyes, grinding back, and he stops. 

“Do you think you’re allowed to cum?” Lucifer chuckles, nipping your ear, making you almost bite his fingers in surprise. “Guess again. I’m the only one who can give you permission, and you don’t have it. Now suck my fingers before I stuff your mouth full with something much less pleasant.” Like what? Like rope? Like a gag? You don’t mean your cock, do you? Lucifer, I will suck all of them, and I will fucking relish it when it puts that happy look on your face. 

“Hn..gmh…” you groan onto his fingers as you wrap your tongue around them, hollowing out your cheeks. Lucifer hums with approval, dragging his lips down your neck with open-mouthed kisses. His teeth scrape you as he starts to suck on the skin. Muffled noises, some startled and others needy, leave your throat as he attacks your sensitive spots. This was the right choice, you think as he leans away, his tongue darting out briefly over his lower lip.

He takes his saliva-coated fingers out of your mouth before he pulls closer to you, those fingers dragging up your exposed belly and leaving a wet streak across the skin. You shiver as his lips ghost over yours, not giving you the kiss you desire. 

“Lucifer,” you whisper desperately, and his lips pass over yours to place a kiss on your cheek instead. 

“That’s better,” he softly purrs, his palm smoothing back downwards, so temptingly that you shake, trying to get him to get him to touch lower, but he denies you. “But it’s not enough.” Lucifer finally releases your wrists from his hand, and you hear his own wrist crack as he rotates the joint slowly.

He takes his tie off, unbuttoning his waistcoat before he grabs you by the waist, and the next thing you know, he has you up in the air. Then he has you slung over his shoulder, one hand tightly squeezing one ass-cheek as he carries you away from the wall. 

Startled, you yelp and struggle a little as all the blood goes rushing to your head, only for Lucifer’s hand to playfully slap your buttocks.  

“Kick me again,” he softly growls, “and I won’t show mercy.” 

Mentally, you make a note to kick him again later as he walks over to his bed and roughly flops you onto it, his bedsprings making a quiet but petty complaint in response. You expect him to crawl on top of you, or at the very least sit on the bed, but he remains standing, raking his hand through his hair as a loose strand gets in his eyes. 

“Fondle yourself,” he demands, his fingers tapping impatiently on his tricep as he folds his arms. “No, MC. Don’t take it off. That’s my privilege.” His domineering figure towers over your exposed, pathetic one, and you find yourself biting your lip in anticipation as you trace your fingers over your breasts, toying shyly with your nipples over your underwear. You mewl and gasp with need, aching for his fingers instead as you drag one hand down your stomach, down into your panties. 

“Lucifer, please,” you whisper desperately as you rub and stroke yourself with a fervor that grows by the second. Watch me more. “I want you… I want you to fuck me.” 

You tilt your head back, getting so into Lucifer watching you while lewd gasps and cries pour out of your lips that you’re already starting to lose it. You can feel your insides begging you, and how can you possibly deny yourself?

Lucifer, however, is perfectly fine denying you as he snaps up the hand under your underwear, stopping you from coming undone. Bastard! Bastard! You think, feeling whiny and defeated as he scolds you. 

“I thought I told you…” he rumbles against your ear, “that you need my permission to cum.” You wriggle under him, shivering and aching for any kind of stimulation, only for Lucifer to press his weight down on you. You wheeze, patting his shoulder, and he gives you an apologetic look as he picks himself back up, kissing your forehead. “Sometimes I forget that you’re weaker than me.” He smirks at you imperiously, and you’re about to fire something back before he kisses you again. “Now… you tried to disobey me.” You feel your insides jolt as Lucifer smirks. 

“Ah!” you cry out as he flips you onto your stomach, his hands lingering on your thighs before his body leaves you cold and wanting. 

“On your hands and knees,” he orders so calmly that it sends a chill down your spine. Or maybe that was just his finger, tracing down over your vertebrae, dropping off at the tailbone. Is it going to be doggy-style today? Is he going to do what I think he’s going to do?

Just as you manage to work yourself onto your hands and knees, he spreads your thighs further apart until you’re almost unbalanced. He takes a tight hold of the crotch of your underwear. He pulls, pressure building against the front as it digs into your clit, and you almost howl. 

…RIP!

Lucifer chortles, and you can hear him covering his mouth as you gasp and mewl at the sudden loss of the fabric as it makes a barely audible wet sound against the floor. You can feel how excited his heart is even through his gloves. The gloves which disappear in a matter of seconds as hot, damp skin meets your thigh. 

“What a naughty girl,” he murmurs, and his nails graze up your thigh. Up. Up. Up. 

“Mmm…mmm…” Slurp. Your mouth falls open, startled as Lucifer’s fingers easily slip inside you. One, two, three, in quick succession. Rubbing against your soaking wet walls as your legs tremble, desperately trying to keep yourself from slumping into a frog-like position. “Hgn… Luci—AGH!” His fingers curl, hard, right before he takes them back out again and brings them in front of your face. Dripping wet, just like you. Is he going to make me lick them???

“Were you looking forward to your punishment that much?” 

“Y-Yes…” you gasp out, and Lucifer drags his hand—and your fluids—down your lips, down your neck to give your breast a tender squeeze. And, a moment after that hand leaves, a loud, fleshy slap hits your ears, taking your breath away. “Ugh!” 

“Say you’re sorry,” he growls impatiently, his breathing getting irregular as you hear him snap his buttons open. (Evidently, someone’s finally getting sweaty in all that clothing.) His hand comes down on your ass again, harder than before, and you gasp with the impact. 

“I-I’m sor—” SLAP! “—RY!” Your head drops as your arms quiver. You hear a zipper, and almost instinctively buck your hips, needy. Lucifer’s response is another hard swat in the same spot, making tears bubble up in your eyes. 

“Louder,” he rasps through his teeth. He’s going fucking feral. Let me see his face. Please let me see it!  

“I’m sorry!” you wail, and you almost scream at the next slap. 

“Good girl,” his voice shudders, and just as your strength leaves your limbs with his praise, he has you on your back again, his beautiful chest in full view as he guides his swollen cock inside you, rosy and leaking a milky white. His expression beautifully crumples as he digs his fingers into your thighs, squeezing his eyes shut with his veins sharply standing out in his neck. Restraining himself, you realize, from just slamming into you. 

Of course, that thought goes out the window as you hook your legs around his waist and shove him closer. His crimson eyes dance with his lust before he thrusts into you harder, his pace picking up until you can’t follow it anymore. 

“Ugh! Oh! Ah! More!” you chant like a bird, and Lucifer rewards you by groaning right in your fucking ear. Like the sound of his cock getting slurped at by your sopping wet entrance wasn’t dirty enough, he just had to add that into the mix. 

“You’re the perfect… ghh… fit. I’m almost getting stuck from you clenching so hard. Do you need my cock inside you that badly that you won’t let me back out?” he whispers dirtily, teasingly pulling out by an inch before hitting your favorite spot harder. 

“AGH!” you gasp out, gripping Lucifer’s upper back, and he bites your collar with a moan. 

“Just… like that.” His lips trail down to the top of your breast, his hips working at you furiously, his bed now actively whining at the force of his thrusts. 

“Lucifer!” you cry out, your orgasm winding up further and further as he grinds onto your poor clit while he fucks you.  

“Say my name again,” he scrapes out, leaving another hickey on your chest. 

“Lucifer!” you wail. “Please! I’m going to—”

“Cum, now.” he growls, and that’s all it takes to set you off, scratching his back hard as Lucifer clenches his teeth, his expression focused on his task of finding his own release. It doesn’t take him long as you babble nonsense with stars in your vision, falling apart on Lucifer’s cock. 

Sense just barely returns to you when you notice Lucifer pulled himself out and came on your stomach, some of his hot semen soaking into what was left of your lingerie. A flicker of disappointment hits you, and apparently it shows, because Lucifer asks you, panting, what’s bothering you. 

“...you didn’t have to pull out,” you mumble, feeling your face warm as Lucifer’s eyes widen, and shortly afterwards, dance with new fire. His softening member revives itself, twitching with a new excitement.

“Is that so?” he grinds out, a hint of playfulness flitting into his voice. “You want me to cum inside you?” He leans closer, his grin almost manic. “Be careful what you wish for.” 

“Why? I’m not tired yet.” 

“No,” he says, “I mean that I might breed you.” 

Fuck! 

“Try it,” you dare, and Lucifer chuckles, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.  

“That’s cute, honey, but you don’t have that kind of stamina.” 

A stunted retort leaves your mouth as Lucifer thrusts himself back inside your noisy pussy, his breath feathering like torn fabric. It’s as you shake your stiff fingers, which have been curled into his back muscles for a hot minute, that you realize one of your fingertips is wet. 

“...Lucifer, you’re bleeding.” 

“Am I now? Are you trying to chicken out on me? On my birthday?” 

“No, but—” 

Slap! The sound of Lucifer’s balls hitting your skin as he offers you a deep thrust that sends your brain spinning. 

“Since when,” 

“AH! Oh!” 

“has that ever stopped me? I can’t even feel it, so you’d better make sure you tear into my back nice and hard for round two. Understand?” As you stupidly nod your head, you’re left wondering if he had been holding out on you the first time, because he’s even more energetic like the first time was just a warm-up. 

“AGH! AHN!” you screech, and drool starts to spill out of your mouth. He’s brutally nursing your clitoris with his thumb as his length pounds into you, as if it wasn’t enough that he was already doing a great job of giving you the friction you wanted. He shifts your hips up, hitting your g-spot harder as he plows into you. His brows scrunch together with his pleasure, his pace faltering as you squeeze him harder. 

“Ugh… Fucking hell, MC,” he groans, dipping his head. 

“What?” you ask, though your voice sounds wildly distorted like someone was playing with the frequency knobs on a mixing console. 

“I need… to do this right after you orgasm a lot more often… so you don’t fall asleep on me.” 

“I don’t always…!” you protest before your voice breaks as a jolt of pleasure ripples through your lower body. Lucifer lets out a fragmented chuckle, his flushed skin seeming to ripple before your eyes from his wild pulse. 

“What was that? I couldn’t… hear you,” he mocks, hammering you harder than ever as your mind slips further and further from your grasp. “Come… on, say it louder for me… your cunt is too noisy.”

You stopped listening, because the moment he said ‘Come’, your brain fogged over, expecting that to be an order. This time, your orgasm was more laborious to work up, but it destroyed all sense of self as it washed over you in wave after wave of pure, unadulterated ecstasy. 

And Lucifer is working you through it, now openly moaning as he furiously pleasures you, stroking and circling your sensitive little bud like it's his purpose in life. 

“You know, that wasn’t permission,” he purrs, biting the shell of your ear as you just barely manage to touch base with earth again. And now you’re screaming even louder because he’s overstimulating you, beaming like a lunatic. Sadist! Bully! you cry inside your head, but it’s too good for him to stop. You’re making all kinds of pretty faces for him, after all, and you’re enjoying yourself plenty, now aren’t you? How many orgasms are you going to show him tonight, hm?

It takes you a long moment to realize he came, and holy shit your insides are full of his semen. The thought almost sends you into a wild fit of arousal by itself without the warmth of his release reminding you of the fact. 

Lucifer simpers down at you, sweat dripping down his nude body as he flips his messy hair back out of his face, his chest lightly heaving with the exertion of his actions. 

“Happy?” he asks, his crimson eyes flickering with mischief as you pant, and you almost say ‘yes’ before you remember the whole point was to give him a present. 

“It’s your birthday, silly,” you croak, and he laughs a little to himself. 

“Yes, I am very happy, MC,” he replies, kissing you slowly and sweetly. “But it’s not my birthday if you didn’t like it.” 

“Of course I liked it, but was that even enough for you???” 

“It was enough. Ignore it,” he soothes. “It’ll go down again.” 

“Lucifer…” you groan. 

“You’re exhausted, darling; rest. You can wake me up with your mouth if you really feel that strongly about it.” Lucifer flops down next to you, squishing your tired body in his arms as contentment radiates off him. Well… if nothing else, I think he’s significantly less stressed right now, so goal accomplished? 

“You’re so sweaty,” you chuckle as your face rubs against his chest, and he laughs delightfully back.

“I’ll clean you up, and then I’ll get a shower,” he promises, kissing your cheekbone before relinquishing his hold on you. It isn’t what you meant, but he’s already pulling his trousers back on and making his way—shirtless—to the main bath across the hall.

He can be such a big dumb-dumb sometimes, you think with a little smile before he comes back, a faintly steaming rag in hand. He delicately—finally—takes off your lingerie before he wipes you down, saving the splattering of his seed for last. He finishes, about to leave to take his shower, only for you to grab hold of his arm like an overly affectionate cat. 

“Cuddle,” you demand. 

“I thought I was sweaty?” 

“And I didn’t say that was a bad thing. Get back here.” Lucifer smirks.

“As you wish,” he replies as he re-joins you on the bed, getting himself comfortable. “How about a bath together tomorrow morning? I promise I’ll behave.” 

“Sounds fine to me,” you reply, kissing him, full-well knowing you wouldn’t behave yourself. “I love you, Lucifer. Happy birthday.” 

“I love you too,” he whispers as your conscious mind fades, and you slowly lose the battle to sleep, nestled in each other’s arms. 

[mimzy630]

Today, October 18th, I'm saying happy birthday to my favorite Psyncer, Kuruto Ryuki!

The incredible @vividcitrus illustrated my transmasc Ryuki headcanon comfortably showing top surgery scars on the beach!

More on my story below the cut :)

Ryuki is absolutely the Psyncer I see myself in the most. I love all the Psyncers and really tons of the characters in AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES and nirvanA Initiative dearly, but Ryuki is the closest one I have to a kin.

When I first met him upon starting the game, I resonated immediately; he plays the somewhat asexual-coded straight-man to Tama's sexy routine which immediately endeared me, and his fluctuations between needing to prove himself and be the one to solve the case to being severely depressed at not being good enough... Yeah! No, hello, that's me lol.

I wasn't really a part of his little fanclub before release, but oh boy did I fall hard and fast for the scuffly little cutie, and that love only grew stronger as the game went on- seeing Ryuki getting so absorbed in his job he forgets himself, seeing him so focused on one way to solve things that he has to make impossible choices, seeing him get paralyzed by choice when it matters most... Yeah! I mean yeah that's all me yeah. Not to his extreme levels of course but oh yeah no every scene with him only made me love him more.

He's just adorable... Ahhh I want to put my hands through his hair... Ahem, anyways, as soon as I finished the game I was like damn... I might have a kinnie... And I don't think I'm exactly a Ryuki Kin per-se, but I do very much see myself when I look at him.

I am also transmasc! Specifically, agender, but who knows where my journey will take me. I have a hard time struggling to think of what I want to look like; I don't have a real sense of identity much at all, let alone visual identity. Most of my self-image is a big ole void.

But I know there are certain parts of me I'd love removed LOL to I reached out to m, the artist, and we chatted- I've always had a soft spot for transmasc Ryuki and been kinda hoping someone would draw him someday, so fuck it, I decided I make it happen myself. In the process of this commission, I forced myself to really think about how I'd want to look, how my scars would look, if I wanted nipple grafts, etc., and m was super happy to work with me on all of that!

The final version, with the more understated scars following the natural curve of the pecs that go from below the armpit to mid chest and no nipple grafts, makes me actually feel good... Like, hey, maybe someday I too could be topless on a beach, smiling and confident... It's a far-off dream that I have to save a lot for, but hey... That murky swirling void in my head has cleared up just a little bit, enough for me to be able to see a happier future for myself, and that's everything really.

I know I'll never look like Ryuki exactly, there are a lot of obstacles to this, but at the very least, when I find money and a surgeon, I can say "that. That's how I want to look, and that's how I'd feel looking like that." Which is more than I've ever been able to do! Dysphoria is my constant companion, but euphoria tends to elude me... @vividcitrus turned the tables on that!

[anyoldfandom]

I am actually. I am so emotional over the Salazar parents and I need to share this to tumblr too.

A lot of stories where the MC is adopted I feel. Either dismiss the biological parents and the impact they have on the kid's life, or makes them evil and abusive, framing the loss of the bio parents as a good thing, or at least something we shouldn't think about just look at this new family.

But Genrex doesn't do that. From the start, Rex wanted to find out more about his parents - it's one of his primary character motivations, next to helping people. He loves them, even though he doesn't know them.

And the more he finds out about them, the more he realizes they loved him. Rylander is consumed by guilt but as Rex's first connection to his pre-Event life, the first thing he does is hug him. And when he tells Rex about his parents, the two things Rex knows is that 1) they were scientists, and 2) that when he was in danger, they were desperate enough to use their secret, experimental technology to save him. Technology built from their desire to help the world, to save countless lives and end countless suffering.

And then. When he finds out that they were dead, he doesn't stop caring. It'd be so easy, too, to tie it up there - his parents were good people, he got his answer about them, the end. But they don't. He doesn't. Because the show is saying once again that they are his parents. He still calls them mom and dad, even as the show makes it clear Holiday and Six adopted Rex as their son. Even as the show even parallels Six and One with Rex and Six (and I will talk about that more later if I don't forget, trust me), to really drive home how much they're family. Rex even says he considers the two of them family, and later that he considers Noah, Claire and Annie family.

He has new family, the show tells us, but his old family still matters to him. He's upset that he never has the chance to meet his parents, that everything he hears about them, about his time with them, is secondhand knowledge. It tells us clearly that not only does Rex still love them, but that he still wants to know them. And everything we find out about them reinforces the love that they had for each other.

We see Abuela and the family in Mexico, who connect him to his birth family and tell him that he was so loved back then, and still is now. We see their office in Abysus through Rex's eyes. The picture of him and his dad on his desk. The drawing Rex drew, proudly pinned to the wall.

We see it in the familiarity of the drawing. That that robot, that build, was what Rex created when he was lost and scared and alone - that it was made to keep him safe. That it first appeared in his mind in a place he felt safe.

The show says, tenderly and softly, that the love is still there. That the fact these people died was nothing but a tragedy, that their love is a big part of what made Rex who he is today - that every molecule in his body is filled with their final gift to him. That every time he cures someone, every time he uses a build, every time he makes a machine - we see the love that they had for him.

And the way he quietly absorbs his father's face. The way he freezes and whispers "Mamá?" when he finds out Zag-Rs has their mother's voice. The fact that she even has her voice as a testament to Caesar's love, too - that it was meant to bring comfort and safety. The way Rex yells at Caesar when he finds out they have a family property, a connection to their past, the way he fights to protect it.

And, none of this takes away still from Six and Holiday being Rex's family too. None of this removes the work either set of parents did for him, the love either set has - the show says that it was unfair that the Salazar parents were lost. That Six and Holiday are not replacements, that they still love him as parents but play different roles in his life. They can not, and have no desire to, replace the Salazars. But Rex needs parents, he needs protectors, and so they will do what they can for him - at first out of necessity, to keep this kid they barely know safe, but then out of love. They aren't replacing what was lost, but are doing their best to do what Rex's bio parents would do. And they do mess up in it - they mess up in ways Rex's bio parents might not have. Six is clearly bad with showing affection, affection we saw the Salazars give Rex so easily, and Holiday is overworked and stressed constantly, sometimes breaking under the pressure and snapping at Rex and Six, things we never saw the Salazars do.

It's just. It's about how sometimes things will not be the same. They will be different. That doesn't mean the people you lost aren't still with you.

[circulars-reasoning]

Recovery

“If you’re having this easy of a time with recovery, it means it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be.”

A little over two years ago at this point, I began therapy for the first time. I was absolutely fucking terrified of it. I was terrified of opening up about the lie I'd clearly been living. I was terrified of a well-mannered person looking at me, listening to me, and saying "Is this way of viewing yourself really healthy?" And kindly and calmly explaining to me that I'd fabricated all that trauma, that my abusers weren't actually abusers -- that emotional neglect is more severe than what I'd experienced, and the reason I couldn't remember anything "bad" was because there was nothing bad to remember.

Instead, my therapist had one session with me, had me take a test to see the severity of my symptoms, and diagnosed me faster than I've ever heard of someone being diagnosed.

Just like that.

I have had so much integration since then. I can hear everyone clearly, without straining for it on purpose. I see my life around me, and I forget there's a whole life in my head that I used to spend 24/7 at until a friend reminds me of a time back then, and I remember who I used to be in full detail.

This week in therapy, we discussed my recovery. We discussed how I, as a part, am doing so, so much better than I've ever done -- and how I almost feel bad about it, because other parts aren't doing nearly as well right now. I'm not as depressed, I'm not as suicidal, and I have a lot of things I'm passionate about that I can rely on rather than harmful coping mechanisms -- and I talked about how other parts are more stressed than ever. "It's like they took the worst parts of who I used to be, because we're integrating now, so they have to carry the burden."

And my therapist looked at me, and said, "Why is who you used to be such a burden?"

Recovery hasn't been easy -- but I've definitely gone faster through some of these obstacles than I've seen others in my situation. I take the lessons and I absorb them like a sponge; in a matter of weeks, I completely stop spirals that would've wrecked me before, and push away relapse thoughts with a simple distraction rather than a mental breakdown. It hasn't been easy -- but god, is it easier than what I've seen my friends experience.

I look at my friends, and I see how much they struggle... I feel the need to express the struggles I've gone through. "Oh yeah, I was such a mess in college," I'd say. "I was such a wreck, constantly. My dissociation was so bad. I hated myself so much."

Why is who I used to be a burden?

Why is who I used to be someone I must kick down?

Will it really make me taller?

My homework for this week was very simple, and incredibly complex all the same -- and at the time, when he gave me the assignment, I had my doubts it was really as severe as he suggested. It wasn't until I got to the car with my partner of 6 years, and I told them about the homework that it clicked.

"He told me I need to be kind to my younger self, who I -- as a part -- used to be. He told me I needed to be more positive about that guy." "You know... I fell in love with that version of you." And I winced, because I wanted to laugh and cringe at what a mistake that was.

It clicked for me, today. How this connects to all that self doubt.

“If you’re having this easy of a time with recovery, it means it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be.”

It always was just that bad. It was exactly as bad as I made it out to be.

But I was far better than I made myself out to be.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Okay so I have read this other translations where sukuna said kenjaku sealed his finger in yuji making him cg player by birth and to strengthen his body as host so yuuji carries a part of sukuna's soul . If you want panel I can send you.

What you said about reincarnations is right and gege also pretty much followed the similar route.

The hair thing yuji has might be because of assimilation of sukuna's finger in him coz body=soul and this kind of make me want to consider yuji as similar to cursed corpse... And we still haven't seen jin hair color and wasuke was old .

Another thing I was reminded by your ans was, it was always said maki chose HR and rejected jujutsu first by maki then sukuna implying she did it out of her own volition but when could this have happened, now sukuna's eating his brother in womb statement reminds me of a phenomenon in certain religion where they say babies retains memories and when in womb but forgets after their birth . I am saying this coz both maki and sukuna are twins so they might be conscious enough to do things while in womb.

Not to forget womb / pregnancy itself is a significant theme in jjk and of course womb realm...

Lol I am babbling at this point coz I am happy that yuuji is not twin and not even biologically related as I wanted him to be..

Your ask and this reply by @cursedvibes got me to reread what Sukuna says. His words may be mistranslated, the official translation isn't out yet and I don't have the raws, but he could kinda hung up on his first murder.

The hair thing was a joke, you're absolutely right that we don't know if Jin's hair is peach, I hope it is :D

As to the finger the translation vary whether the finger sealing and the culling games player things are connected.

But the womb thing.

I kinda think it's funny how Sukuna talks about his twin in some of the translation and I'm curious what it looks like in the original. He talks about consuming part of himself, but then the translation says "our soul" and "his soul". If he really use some for of "we" and a third person pronoun (gendered or not), it's really interesting.

He kinda bounces between acknowledging his twin as a separate being and talking about the twin like something that belonged to Sukuna. I also don't think he's ever before justified a murder he committed. He uses the circumstances as a justification, he puts blame on his/their mother.

He first says he rejected the fate of being a twin and it sounds like: I did it for power. As if he knee back then that being a twin in the jujutsu world sucks. So maybe he was actually conscious in the womb, he had memories, memories of jujutsu. Of course he might be rationalising here something the regularly occurs with twins, aka one absorbing the other without any conscious decision being involved.

But then he talks about self-preservation. He never says he killed his twin, he absorbed part of himself which also kinda sounds like a justification. If he sees the twin as part of himself, if it's "their" soul, he saved them both by consuming the twin. If he didn't eat his twin, all parts of him would've died. He and his twin.

He also seems to see Yuuji as a separate being from himself. A vessel made for him, for sure, someone related to him, but not like with his twin, not like a part of himself. Yuuji has inherited things from Sukuna's twin and Sukuna acknowledges it, but I can't imagine him thinking that he and Yuuji have the same soul.

He also doesn't seem mad that his twin's soul lead a separate life from him. And he doesn't seem to see it as his own life. It's also interesting how all his disgust and annoyance is at Kenjaku, he never questions that his twin had kids with Kenjaku. He never considers that his twin might hold a grudge against him, regardless whether it was how the twin felt or not. Is it him being selfish? Emotionally inept? Protecting himself from the thought that his twin might hate him? Thus from the thought that he'd done wrong by him?

It kinda makes me think he's got a lot of feelings related to the twin and to what happened between them in womb, consciously or not, and he's just refusing to feel these feelings XD

[pet-pet-peet]

I don’t know if my request got through, I’m sorry in advance if it and I’m wasting your time reading this. I asked for some platonic headcanons for azul, floyd, and malleus where they visit readers school in their world for the event. (Malleus uses magic to hide his horns)

Omg wait this is super cute! The Malleus part gives me vibes to My Inner Demons (Aphmau)

I am trying to go through my drafts and post the ones I had done, this will not be inspired by canon!

Story: They visit your school in your world with you for a week

Tw: cafeteria food slander from personal experience; lmk!

Pairing(s): Azul, Floyd, Malleus x gn reader going to their school (separate) (platonic)

𝕬𝖟𝖚𝖑

He stands out a bit because of his hair, but otherwise everyone sees him normally

For the most part- he does have moments where he’s caught being confused over a piece of history everyone in your world has learned-

Very interested in seeing how different schools in your world function, even if the differences are slight

He’s a little bit thrown off when he learns there’s no magic at all, makes him overly aware of his magic and when he uses it

He likes to talk to your other friends to get dirt on you, just in case he ever needs it

Probably becomes really popular through the time he attends your school

Also picks up the academics really easily, which makes the teachers like him

You have to tell him not to set up his deals in your world- he probably does so anyway, though

Hates your cafeteria’s food, it doesn’t taste how he likes and feels unhealthy, so he convinces you to either bring him food from home or buy him more (but he does it in an Azul way that’ll end up with him not being in your debt, probably makes deals with you to help you with something)

Probably has a lot of fun, learns some things he’s definitely gonna find a way to incorporate into his business practices

𝕱𝖑𝖔𝖞𝖉

He’s very clingy to you, so even if teachers want him to go somewhere else he’ll stay with you or force you to go with him

On the chance he’s not feeling the classes, he’ll ditch them and just wander around and explore the school grounds

He doesn’t usually feel like learning things from your world, doesn’t really see the point in it, so he probably just distracts you while you’re in class together

Stands out immediately, probably one of the tallest guys in your school so everyone notices him immediately in the halls. That on top of his hair and eyes, he becomes very popular very quickly

Drags you around in between periods to show you places he thought were cool hiding spots from teacher (he confirms he used them when you ask)

Even though he’s only there for a week, he gets random love letters everyday and makes you read them to him because he can’t be bothered to focus long enough to do so himself

Doesn’t mind the school food, but probably doesn’t eat much of it anyway cause it’s still not the best

Doodles on all the paperwork he’s given instead of actually filling them out; that said, art is his best subject in your world (Unless you’re also in a music class, then that’s his favorite and best subject)

Probably antagonizes some of the staff because he thinks it's funny, doesn't end too well for you though

Mixed bag, finds it incredibly boring some days, finds it interesting for others

𝕸𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖚𝖘

He makes sure to stick by the strict rule: he isn't allowed to use magic except to hide his horns and ears

He towers over everyone and quickly becomes notorious for it, if he didn't actively seek you out you'd probably never be able to get through the crowds that always surround him

His high class vibe gets a lot of people's attention, so he gets invited to quite a bit of parties for a change. He's pretty prideful of it, but usually forgets or just doesn't go cause you aren't going

He absorbs your history relatively easily, but will still ask you for more details on the different subjects you learn

Definitely almost forgot to hide his horns one day and you had to panic remind him before he left the apartment

Gets lost when walking around your school sometimes since he's trying to find any sign of gargoyles that may have been removed

Sometimes he just wants to ditch with you, the history of your world is fascinating and all but he wants to see it more instead of just hearing about it

Pretty sensitive when people try to tease his eyes and fangs, but hides it behind snarky remarks and sarcasm

Absolutely refuses to eat food from the cafeteria, also refuses to call it food. You have to bring him lunch or buy it from somewhere better if you want him to eat

Remembers quite a few of the stories he learned, both real and fake, and made sure to recite them to the rest of Diasomnia (he never clarified which were real or not. Have fun explaining to the gang that the Wizard of Oz doesn't exist)

[those70scomics]

Fictober Day 19: "this is getting ridiculous"

That '70s Show Fanfiction

Hyde was recovering from Thursday-night sex with Jackie. They'd both been too busy with work, too tired, to go longer than a half-hour. But he'd felt deeply the absence of that connection between them. Their mutual need finally overrode the stress from their daily lives. October nineteenth, 1989 was a date he wouldn't soon forget.

Now they were cozy together on their bed, enjoying each other's company a different way. Her head laid on his chest; his arm was draped around her waist, and his hand played with her fingers. This night would've epitomized the concept of perfection, but he didn't believe in perfection -- and the phone ringing validated his lack of belief.

"Ignore it," Jackie mumbled. "Machine -- "

But Hyde withdrew his arm from Jackie and picked up the phone on his nightstand. "'Lo?"

"Oh, Steven, you're awake!" Mrs. Forman said through the earpiece. "Is Jackie with you?'

"Yup."

"Then put me on the speaker-thing."

He grunted as he sat up. Jackie said, "Who is it?" He told her, and she also sat up in the bed.

"Laurie gave Red and me the most wonderful gift today!" Mrs. Forman's said through the phone speaker. Her voice was slightly distorted, but her elation wasn't. "A painting of herself -- pregnant! She's going to have a baby!"

Hyde rubbed his eyes but smiled. "Congrats on havin' your first grandkid in about nine months."

"Oh, it'll be a bit sooner than that."

"What?" Jackie leaned over Hyde's body to shout into the phone. "Laurie hid the pregnancy from you?"

"No, no. Donna -- "

Mrs. Forman stopped in mid-sentence, but both Hyde and Jackie said, "Donna what?"

A static-y breath preceded Mrs. Forman's next words: "Donna's a little jealous Laurie beat her to it. I called her and Eric before you. ... Speaking of you two, when do you think you'll give me a grandchild?"

Hyde and Jackie glanced at each other. He scratched the back of his neck, and she gripped the comforter tightly. Their silence must've gone on too long because Mrs. Forman said, "Jackie isn't getting any younger, and you don't want to be one of those dads people think are their children's grandparents."

"Me and Jackie are plenty young, man. Hell, I haven't even turned twenty-nine yet. My birthday's not 'til the end of next month ... and why am I justifyin' our choices? You'll get plenty of grandkids from Laurie and Eric."

"But, Steven -- "

"Love you," he said. "Talk later." He pressed the speaker button on the phone, hanging up on Mrs. Forman. She was his mom in the truist sense of the term, and he laid his head back on his pillow and groaned. "Well, now I feel like shit."

"This is getting ridiculous." Jackie curled up beside him. "Everyone's baby crazy lately."

"Yeah. Thought they were Halloween crazy, but maybe the Formans are keeping something from us."

"Donna threw up in the middle of our interview on Monday. What if she's pregnant already?" She brushed her fingers through his hair. "Our careers are our children. There's nothing wrong with that."

He turned toward her on the bed, and memories surfaced of their time with Betsy from when she was infant to a few days ago. "Maybe us havin' a human kid wouldn't be a terrible thing."

"I thought we agreed we'd be horrible parents. I'm too absorbed in my work ... okay, in myself. Like mom-and-dad, like daughter. And you're just as worried about being like your parents, the ones who raised you. Or shutting down emotionally."

"We've been too hard on ourselves, grasshopper." He stroked the side of her face and pecked her lips. "We went from skirting responsibility as teenagers to bein' hyper responsible as adults. There's a middle ground -- for everything."

Jackie studied her engagement ring. It glimmered in the ambient light from their bedroom windows. "We're not even getting married until next summer."

"So that gives us more time to talk about this. Does any part of you want a kid?"

She didn't answer at first. Her breaths grew fast, but she eventually whispered, "Yes."

"Got a few parts in me that've also changed their position."

'That didn't come out right," she said with a laugh, "but I know what you mean." She rubbed his bare chest and stomach but didn't go lower, which would've made his last statement literal. "You should get your record label set up and going. I've got to pull off my winter fashion show and the spring/summer collection it'll showcase. Then we need to focus more on their wedding. Then, maybe, we can think about having a child. If it feels more like a sacrifice than a gift to either of us, no."

Hyde grasped her hand over his heart. "Sometimes sacrifices can also be gifts."

[topazadine]

A masterclass in how not to market your books, in one singular tweet

Yes, I have redacted the username because I don't want you to go harass said writer. Don't do that.

Now, let's look at how we can learn how NOT to market ourselves using this tweet.

Stop trying to justify yourself.

Don't bother telling me that it is a "purposeful stylistic decision" because frankly, I do not care about your stylistic decisions, same as no one cares about my stylistic decisions when reading my books. I care about how I engage with the work. Your feelings as an author do not matter to me, and I know they don't matter to my own readers, either.

If you are constantly getting criticism for your prose being too dense, then that is a YOU problem. The market is telling you that your writing is unpopular because you're making it too difficult for the average person. Instead of doubling down and insisting that you are right and special and perfect, listen to the criticisms you're receiving.

Do not talk down to readers.

If you condescendingly tell me that "it's okay to look up words when you're reading," I am not going to read your books, even if I am perfectly capable of doing so. You have just told me that you think I'm an idiot. The last thing I need in my life is to be sneered at by an author whose product I have purchased.

I have a BA in British Literature and an MA in International Relations. To say that I am familiar with dense prose would be an understatement. Read some Robert O. Keohane and you, too, can hear your brain cells liquifying in real time.

And that's fine, because not only is Robert O. Keohane a celebrated scholar of international relations, he is explaining complicated concepts that involve a lot of moving parts. Your fantasy book should not be so complicated that I need to take notes so I know what the hell is going on. (I have ranted about this before.)

I will suffer through this kind of prose if I am paying significant amounts of money to do so. I will not struggle through this kind of prose if I am under no compulsion.

Unless your book is required reading in a class (highly unlikely), people are reading for enjoyment during their limited free time. It's one thing to have a few funky words here and there that are clear through context cues, quite another to litter your books with so many weird words that I have to spend half my time hunting through a dictionary.

Don't try to tell people how to read.

You, as an author, do not get to tell readers how to read your books. That's not your job. You don't have the right to patronizingly tell people to "take it slow." You provide a product, and then the readers take it from there and get to engage with it however they so choose.

Yes, I roll my eyes at TikTok girlies who say they skip long paragraphs or only read dialogue. I have the right to say I think this is stupid, but ultimately, I don't get to tell them how to read.

If that's how they want to engage with the product they have purchased, that is their right, same as I'm entitled to make bread in my rice cooker or turn my iron into a doorstop if I want to.

Your readers don't care about you, but you need to care about them.

You know those directors who have a clearly obvious fetish because they include that same thing in every single movie? Yeah, we laugh at them. We don't think it's cute and quirky, we think it's weird and gross. If you're forcing your reader to think about you constantly by interjecting your own opinions and needs into your work, it's off-putting.

A good book does not force you to think about the author at all. You are absorbed in the story and forget that someone even created this because it feels real. It feels genuine.

Yes, it's your handiwork, and your essence will be in it, but that should not be the primary focus.

Stop letting your ego get in the way.

Your readers are not sitting there going "waow, so cool" when you churn out a 500-page screed of PhD dissertation prose to talk about two elves fucking. They're probably thinking, "wow, this author is really far up their own ass."

Then they have a few options:

Continue reading because they think it will make them cool and intellectual to finish a self-important screed about elves fucking

Put the book down because it's annoying and they don't care

Grit their teeth and keep going even though they hate it because they are a completionist

None of those bode well for your reputation as an author. Except maybe the first one, if you are attempting to appeal to an extremely limited audience of pretentious nerds.

If you are trying to sell a book for profit, then you need to know what people want from a book they purchase. Clearly, the author has faced complaints about the dense prose, and instead of realizing they have a market mismatch, they make it everyone else's problem because their ego won't let them change.

The instant you feel the need to defend yourself against justified criticism, you have failed.

Of course, if someone misinterprets your work or uses it as their own soapbox, or attacks you as a person, then you are more than welcome to defend yourself.

But if you get worked up over someone complaining about your prose and condescendingly tell them that they need to just get good, you have failed as a writer. You've failed to tell a story people want to read because you just had to ensure everyone knew you're super special and smart.

I've seen a lot of queer writers do this, sadly: get sucked into stupid drama because of their ego and then turned a bunch of people off.

This person writes books that are within my genre and interests, but they've just told me that if I want to read a book for idle pleasure and not devote all my brainpower to it, I'm stupid and not reading it correctly. So why should I give them money to spit in my face and tell me I'm an idiot? No thanks, not my kink.

I will tell you right now that you're more than welcome to dislike my books. You can think 9 Years Yearning is the stupidest fucking thing you've ever read if you want. You can say that on the internet for everyone to see. In fact, I encourage you to. Leave a brutally honest review.

DNF it, tell your friends you didn't like it. Whatever. I can't control your thoughts and I can't tell you how to read it.

That's your right as a consumer. If I failed to tell a story you enjoy, that's my fault.

Will it hurt my feelings? Sure. No one likes to be told they didn't do a good job. I want you to like my work because I wrote it for people to enjoy. I made up these little guys and put them in a situation, hoping you'd experience a fraction of the happiness I feel when writing.

But ultimately, I know you don't care about my feelings as the author. You care about your enjoyment of the work and your experience, as you should.

Don't listen to authors who talk down to you and imply that you're stupid if they write a book whose prose style you don't like. They're speaking from a place of ego, and that's their problem, not yours.