#i was planning to have it out january but...
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jacyevans · 3 days ago
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IMPORTANT ADDENDUM:
Your state may have their own website to apply for Marketplace plans! I know this makes things more confusing, but PLEASE make sure you are applying in the right place. This includes Medicaid enrollment!
THE STATES WITH THEIR OWN MARKETPLACES ARE:
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District of Columbia
**Georgia**
Idaho
Kentucky
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Minnesota
Nevada
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
**Georgia has its own website for coverage starting January 2025. If you are applying for coverage for December 2024, use the federal marketplace. The deadline to do so is November 15 so depending on when you see this, you still have time!**
You can find the link to these specific state marketplaces below. You can also use this site to find out if your state expanded Medicaid and if you may be eligible.
Banging on the walls chanting "OPEN ENROLLMENT FOR ACA THRU JAN 15" like some deranged town crier. Election results aside, you have options to access healthcare as a RIGHT through the ACA. NO one can dismantle the Affordable Care Act in less than 4 years, so SIGN UP! GET YOUR CARE! USE THE SYSTEM!
You have options RIGHT NOW that will be stable thru the next year, the one after that, and I'd be shocked to see them shrink even the year after that. That means RIGHT NOW you can get signed up for next year to gain 100% covered preventative care (your annual check ups, pap smears, dental cleaning, vision check). You have the option to get checked and screened as you need, do NOT be dissuaded from exploring ACA choices. They are SOLID, LEGISLATED, and WORK BEST WHEN PEOPLE USE THEM.
I can't change most things around me, BUT I CAN tell everyone I know that THEY CAN GET LIFE SAVING CARE. THEY CAN GET PRESCRIPTIONS. THEY CAN GET PREGNANCY CARE. THEY CAN GET CANCER CARE. AND THEY WILL GET THAT CARE!!!!!!
SIGN UP BY DECEMBER 15, 2024 FOR COVERAGE TO BEGIN ON JANUARY 1, 2025. ENROLLMENT AFTER 12/15/24 WILL HAVE COVERAGE BEGINNING FEBRUARY 1, 2025.
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mariacallous · 3 days ago
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I think where I'm at is that I'm refusing to let myself get worked up or spiral into doomerism and despair. Please note that I'm not saying that grieving or being upset is bad or that you can't or shouldn't do it.
For a number of reasons:
-It's not helpful or good for me just personally. It's pouring salt and acid into the wound and keeping it fresh and raw.
-It's tiring and unhelpful. It doesn't lead to anything good. Unless you're going to take an irreversible step prior to January 20th, the focus should be on what's best for you, what you can do, how you can get through it.
-It's what they want. And by "they" I mean both Trump supporters and also everyone who profits and feeds off of your despair and dooming and engagement. They want you scared and upset and panicking because you're a weaker opponent, which is better for them. They want you dooming and spiralling and freaking out because if you're constantly keyed up and irritable, you can't focus, you can't plan, you can't be effective. They want you turned on and in all the time, giving them engagement and reactions and validation.
We've got a lot of shit already coming our way, and it's still 2 months until he and his team are in office. We're not going to make it those two months, much less 2 years or a full term, if we continue the way things have been.
I am still deeply upset, and I get hit with intense feelings of hopelessness and difficulty, but I have to pull myself through them. Because to do otherwise is adding to the defeat for myself.
We need to focus on what needs to happen to make change, get us through, help us find things to celebrate or focus on. Now more than ever.
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brf-rumortrackinganon · 2 days ago
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RTA, was Catherine treated for cancer or pre-cancer cells? Royal Reporter Rhiannon Mills wrote that "In March the princess confirmed that pre-cancerous cells had been found following abdominal surgery and that she would have to undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy." Kensington Palace never corrected that statement by Rhiannon Mills. I admire Catherine a lot but her two video statements to the public on her health left me confused so I thought I would ask you for clarification. Thanks!
Let's work through it step by step. I'll bold the timeline so if you don't care about analysis or explanation, you can scroll through quickly.
In January 2024, KP announced that Kate was undergoing a planned abdominal surgery.
Now, "planned surgery" has confused a lot of people, especially after KP announced in December 2023 that William and Kate were planning a visit to Italy at the request of the Foreign Office. If they knew Kate was having surgery in January, why did they announce the trip?
So all that "planned surgery" means is that Kate was under doctor's care for a medical condition and for whatever reason - either exploratory (e.g., she's had an issue for a long time, nothing's worked, let's open you up and see what's going on) or emergent (e.g., bloodwork came back wonky or new symptoms developed that only surgery could address) - they scheduled her for surgery.
Here's an example of planned emergent surgery. Many years ago on a Saturday afternoon, I - a professional klutz - badly hurt my ankle falling down the stairs. I went to urgent care believing it was a bad sprain, only to find out that it was actually a very bad break that most likely needed surgery to fix. Urgent Care referred me to an orthopedic surgeon. We called the orthopedic surgeon Monday morning, they fit me in Monday afternoon, and at the appointment, the orthopedic surgeon said "yeah, you really need surgery. I'm not in the OR until Thursday but my partner is operating tomorrow and he can fit you in in the morning." I said "Sign me up for tomorrow, doc." So even though the cause for my surgery was emergent, it was still a planned surgery because it was scheduled in advance.
An emergency surgery is when you're rushed to the hospital (usually an emergency room) and they roll you right into the operating room after being evaluated.
So all that said, it's likely that whatever medical issue Kate was having, the initial expectation was that her surgery would be an easy-breezy-outpatient cake with just a few days at home to rest and then back to work and onwards to Italy. Except it wasn't because KP announced Kate's recovery time was going to take a good several weeks and her and William's schedules were cleared.
At the end of March 2024, Kate announced that her condition had actually been cancerous and she was undergoing preventative chemotherapy.
Here's what she actually said: “In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was non-cancerous. The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment."
The read-between-the-lines is that whatever procedure Kate had done, it was totally routine and something had been removed, which was sent for biopsy, which concluded cancer was present, and further testing (most likely bloodwork and/or additional scans) determined that no other cancerous cells had been detected. And while the testing determined no other cancerous cells had been, Kate's medical team did a risk assessment and most likely they felt that there was a good risk that cancer could continue developing so they prescribed preventative chemotherapy to decrease that risk.
Now the issue is that "preventative chemotherapy" is a bit of a misnomer. The actual medical term is "adjuvant chemotherapy" ('preventative chemotherapy' is the colloquial everyman non-medical term), which is when a patient undergoes chemotherapy after a primary course of treatment to kill remaining cancer cells or to reduce the risk of cancer returning or spreading.
In Kate's case, the surgery she had in January ended up being the primary treatment to her cancer. She then underwent chemotherapy to reduce the risk of that cancer returning.
Kate's statement also revealed two other things about her condition:
That whatever Kate's initial issue was (the one that led to the surgery in the first place), the surgery addressed it and that problem was no longer afflicting her.
Preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy is a popular treatment for cancer of the breast, lung, bowel, and ovaries. Since KP and Kate both confirmed it was "abdominal surgery," we can probably safely conclude that whatever Kate's condition, it was related to her bowels/intestines.
In June 2024, Kate released a second statement about her treatment to manage everyone's expectations about her attendance at Trooping.
She said: I have been blown away by all the kind messages of support and encouragement over the last couple of months. It really has made the world of difference to William and me and has helped us both through some of the harder times. I am making good progress, but as anyone going through chemotherapy will know, there are good days and bad days. On those bad days you feel weak, tired and you have to give in to your body resting. But on the good days, when you feel stronger, you want to make the most of feeling well. My treatment is ongoing and will be for a few more months. On the days I feel well enough, it is a joy to engage with school life, spend personal time on the things that give me energy and positivity, as well as starting to do a little work from home.
I'm looking forward to attending The King's Birthday Parade this weekend with my family and hope to join a few public engagements over the summer, but equally knowing I am not out of the woods yet. I am learning how to be patient, especially with uncertainty. Taking each day as it comes, listening to my body, and allowing myself to take this much needed time to heal. Thank you so much for your continued understanding, and to all of you who have so bravely shared your stories with me.
For me, this message is very much targeted to the press and the public who may think her appearance at Trooping means everything is all good and she's back to work. I also feel like it is a very direct response to criticism that she isn't really sick if she's out and about smiling in public - and it's also probably the most direct response we've ever seen Kate give to the media since begging the paparazzi to leave her alone in her 20s.
In August 2024, Rebecca English revealed that Kate had been unwell long before January's procedure.
For me, Becky's article confirms that the January surgery was probably exploratory after other treatments didn't work.
And also for me, Becky's article is a KP-sanctioned clapback to more criticism of the "if she's well enough to go to Wimbledon, she's well enough to work" variety. I don't want to say it's a complete defense of Kate and KP's handling of her health issues (because her discussion of the Waleses' summer activities - though well-intentioned - further supports the workshy narrative that's dogged William and Kate since they married) but it does serve as a follow-up to Kate's June message about what her progress has been like and is another attempt to manage expectations about Kate's return to work.
In September 2024, Kate announced that she had completed her chemotherapy and was in a new phase of recovery and convalescence, and starting to look forward.
She said: As the summer comes to an end, I cannot tell you what a relief it is to have finally completed my chemotherapy treatment. The last nine months have been incredibly tough for us as a family...Doing what I can to stay cancer free is now my focus. Although I have finished chemotherapy, my path to healing and full recovery is long and I must continue to take each day as it comes.
Kate's use of the phrase "stay cancer free" likely means she will be under closer medical observation for the next several years. Whether that means more scans and tests to monitor her condition or medication she needed to take or substantial life changes she needs to make, all of that counts as work towards "stay[ing] cancer free". So Kate may be out of the woods as far as the initial diagnosis or emergency may go, but she still has a long road ahead of her in terms of recovery.
In fact, medical practice requires a patient to be in complete remission for five years to be considered cured of cancer so I suspect that may be what Kate is referring to, albeit in plainer non-medical language.
Shortly after Kate's statement, on September 9, 2024, Rhiannon Mills (reporting for Sky News) recapped Kate's condition.
She said: "In March the princess confirmed that pre-cancerous cells had been found following abdominal surgery and that she would have to undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy."
On November 11, 2024, Sky News republished Rhiannon's September 9th article to say "In March, the princess confirmed she was having preventative chemotherapy after cancer was found in tests."
The edit has caused conspiracy theorists all over the internet to pick up the story and begin accusing KP/Kate of faking cancer again because "pre-cancerous cells" isn't actually cancer. It's cells that could turn cancerous and even still, preventative chemotherapy is a proper course of treatment to address pre-cancerous cells.
But here's the thing. Out of everyone that was being briefed by KP and out of everyone who has access to royal and royal-adjacent circles, Rhiannon Mills is the only one to say "pre-cancerous cells." Everyone else cited Kate's own words and KP's own announcement. That's a big hint right there that Rhiannon and Sky News messed up.
And also, before KP released Kate's statement in March, others on the rota - including Bower (who specifically said this on television) - were hinting that Kate's surgery had been very serious, her condition was serious though not fatal, and the public would be shocked if we knew what they knew. That's not pre-cancerous cells.
So for me, all signs point to yes, Kate actually did have cancer. She didn't know she had cancer until whatever her surgeons removed in January 2024 was biopsied. She most likely underwent further tests after the biopsy results came back and those tests concluded cancer was no longer present but yet her doctors still advised preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy to reduce the risk of cancer returning or spreading. So that could mean that whatever additional tests Kate had done identified pre-cancerous cells or it could just mean that the doctors felt "this is the Princess of Wales, the future queen. We should give her the best treatment possible to ensure she remains healthy, which is preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy."
(Preventative precaution is the same reason Camilla had a hysterectomy in 2007; she's had several gynecological issues that could have developed into a bigger problem so rather than to "wait and see," her doctors advised hysterectomy. It really honestly is par for the course not just for women in the monarchy but for all women - and men too - who want to do everything they can to remain healthy. It’s why we get knees and hips replaced and we get cataracts removed and some women choose mastectomies despite having no diagnosis when there’s a family history of breast cancer or they have the BRCA gene, etc.)
What a lot of the conspiracy theorists and trolls are dismissing is that when you have cancer but you don't know it, you're still a cancer patient. When you have cancer and it's eradicated by whatever combination of treatments, you're still a cancer patient. When you've been diagnosed with pre-cancerous cells and your doctors prescribe preventative chemotherapy, you're still a chemotherapy patient. When you're going through a shitty time but you still show up for your family with a smile on your face because cameras are going to be there, your troubles are still there even if no one else sees it.
So I think Rhiannon Mills mispoke and no one caught it until just now when everyone was pouring over all the statements Kate has made in light of a very glamorous and normal (if you will) appearance on Saturday night while being pictured on Sunday looking tired and run-down.
But of course, YMMV.
And also, even Page Six has come to Kate's defense, saying that "Sky News correspondent Rhiannon Mills erroneously reported at the time that 'pre-cancerous cells had been found' in Middleton as opposed to the royal battling cancer." And when Page Six is defending the Waleses (considering that they're on the Sussexes' payroll), I really do lean towards Rhiannon Mills screwing up and no one catching it until the article started getting traction amongst the conspiracy theorists and trolls.
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deadpresidents · 10 hours ago
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Is there a chance that many of these cabinet picks don't get confirmed?
Don't forget that this country not only gave the Republicans control of the White House, but they also gave them a Senate majority and most likely will end up keeping them in charge of the House of Representatives, so they don't need a single Democrat to confirm ANY of these awful Cabinet appointments. The best possible hope is for some of the handful of Senate Republicans who are moderate-ish or still have a few ounces of integrity to oppose some of the crazier appointees. And there are going to be even less of those Senators left after January 3rd.
But this country, in its infinite fucking wisdom, gave Trump and the GOP a mandate, so they can pretty much do what they are planning on doing. That's why we spent the past couple of years reminding people how important the 2024 election was going to be for the rest of our lives. It's not like we can turn to the courts for help; Trump has locked down the judiciary for decades, as well, especially the Supreme Court.
And, here's the thing: I'm sure Trump realizes that it's pretty unlikely that Gaetz can get confirmed as Attorney General because he's enormously unpopular with his own colleagues in the GOP. A lot of Congressional Republicans despise him, and it's not even like with how most people in Congress hate Ted Cruz but grudgingly point out that he's effective at his job and actually a pretty smart dude. With Gaetz, they just think he's a clown and are happy to be rid of him. You can bet that former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is going to put all of his efforts into defeating a possible confirmation of Gaetz as AG, and McCarthy still has significant influence in Congress because of his record as a major fundraiser for candidates in both chambers.
I bet Trump is throwing a couple of nominees out there that he knows can't get confirmed -- like Gaetz -- to make it easier to get potentially hesitant Republicans to confirm other controversial nominees, like Fox News host Pete Hegseth as Defense Secretary (!). It's like when Pablo Escobar would import a bunch of cocaine into the United States that he knew was going to get seized in order to sneak tons of it through sneakier means. They are decoy douchebags to distract from the other douchebags he's also putting into the Cabinet.
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To people who are like:
"dON'T wHISH tHE cONSEQUENCES oF tHEIR oWN fREE wILL aND cHOIC eON pEOPLE wHO:
Voted for Trump
Deliberately decided not to vote at all (thereby voting for trump, since if you don't vote you are still registered so you are supporting who ever has the most votes simply by existing)
Voted third party (In a two party system votig third party is a voice for the strongets party in this case Trump)"
I have to say
a) Thought crimes don't exist, anyone is allowed to wish anything on anyone
b) Those voters wanted to inflict the consequences of their own free desicions on everyone else, with horrible results, it is only fair to want them to suffer as well after all: Ignorantia juris non excusat
c) They will never help to undo what they have wrought, they already showed their true face, and their true face is that they either can not be arsed to do enough research to understand what they are voting for OR they do understand but have decided: “Vulnerable people should die for my ideology”
Look at all those blogs that told you they would not do damage control
Where are they now?
Are they helping?
Are they sharing resources and tips?
NO
They are being defensive that no one is gratefull about their sacrifice
They are pissed that peope are angry at them
Besides
Activism is not cold-calling.
SO why should you care about peopel that have already shown that they will not listen to you?
-> Someone pointed out that no one who has already decided how to vote wil chnage that opinio becasue of a stranger on the internet True But then why expect that stranger to show compassion and kindness? Go one stranger, laugh! You earned it!
Keep your comfort for people who did not bring this on to themslefes
They need it more
They will suffer just as much if not more, but they didn't even get whtathey wanted
Also
Also
One thing that I think is a fantastic way to prepare to help is to either begin or continue learning a language that you don't know. I am working hard on my Spanish because I live in California and there are a ton of Spanish speakers here who I might be able to help. Is it directly aiding anyone right at this second that I'm practicing conjugation? No. But it might help someone who is being harassed by a cop, or who is unhoused and needs help, or who is being abused by an employer at some point in the future, and I can get myself ready to help. Learn how to use naloxone and pick up up an inhaler; you might not need it now, but it'll make you ready to help someone who does need it. Order free covid tests every chance you get, even if you don't need them, because then you can give them out to people who do need them. Plan B has a multi-year shelf life. Pick some up so that you've got some on hand if someone needs it.
Also
Also
(Also, you can get 4 months of over the counter birth control (progestin-only pill form) at Costco for $50. Or 3 months on Amazon for about $45.)
Trump voters on tiktok are EXTREMELY mad about the following:
They just found out what tariffs are
They just found out what denaturalization is
They (particularly black and Hispanic trump voters) just found out that other trump voters are racist
Leftists and liberals don't want to be their friends (they are furious about this)
Leftists keep telling them they hope they get what they voted for (they are really mad about this too)
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shopwitchvamp · 3 days ago
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Hello everyone, I’m back with a status update after the weekend-
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And with that, decisions have been made:
I’d already announced this part, but we’ll just have one fulfillment wave in January.
Preorders will run through Nov. 15th as originally planned. Things have been slow but not fully dead, plus I know there’s at least a few people out there that said they’ll need to wait until the last day to place an order.
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If you wanna check out preorders while there’s still time, you can do that [here]!
Thanks for your support! And I hope you’re all doing as well as you can right now in spite of everything 💖
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embracing-the-ineffable · 3 days ago
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Advice for Challenging Times
Do something kind for yourself today. Cuddle your fur baby. Spend time playing with your kids. Get outside and feel the sun on your skin. It’s okay to feel joy today, too, and if you find some pass it on.
Take care of yourself, today and going forward. Get a good night’s sleep, eat what sustains you and gives you energy, move your body as you’re able. We need you at your best to fight this fight. Don’t give up on your life or your sobriety or whatever hard-won progress you’ve made fighting your demons. We need YOU, full stop.
Take inventory of what you need to do, right now, to protect yourself and the people you love. Do you need to seek preventive care, get surgery, figure out long-term birth control, or anything else before the end of the year? What vaccinations can you get or get a booster for in case they’re banned or dropped from insurance (not just COVID and flu, though definitely those, but also pneumonia, shingles, HPV, Tdap, etc.)? What legal protections do you need that will be more accessible now than in January? Is where you are the safest place you can be? Is it where you feel called to be, to make a difference?
Make a plan for how you’ll build resistance as a daily practice. Will you pack a bag with everything you need to show up to a protest, so you can come whenever you’re called? Can you write letters to reps during your lunch breaks or as you’re having your morning coffee? What tools do you have that can be bent toward justice, and how can you use them regularly and sustainably? You don’t have to pick one huge battle and win it; you do have to be a part of the work.
Connect with your community. They need you; you need them. If you don’t have community, prioritize finding it. Make a practice of smiling at your neighbors; join a dinner group or a club or a spiritual community; come together with your colleagues; ask friends to introduce you to their worlds. The work is more manageable together. The world is less scary with others by your side.
Make a plan for how you’ll stay informed without becoming paralyzed. You must know what’s happening, but do not mistake self-flagellation for action. Find a space and a community that acknowledges the pain of what’s happening and feeds your hope and fires you up for the fight.
Know where to place your blame and anger. There is plenty of it to go around, much of it deserved. But there are also, undeniably, systems that were built to work against us, and more people who want to make the world better than who want to watch it burn. Those in power want you to lose sight of the humanity around you; cling rebelliously to it instead. I love you. I believe in you. I believe in us.
Wonderful advice by Rachel Stark
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ja3yun · 11 months ago
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me changing the plot for my hoon series after i've almost finished it? call that ajcore
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phaeton-flier · 11 hours ago
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For Christ sake, you are
a) over extrapolating from one random house Dem out of several hundred saying
b) one line, misquoted, out of context that I frankly think is a clear description of a dangerous toadie, not praise
And c) look, fuck the dems for not going after Trump as a criminal after January 6th, fuck Manchin for being Manchin, there are scores of mistakes to discuss, but do you think Biden, what, spitefully refusing to do handover talks to Trump will actually make things better? Or will whatever balls get dropped because of it more likely to screw over whoever was relying on those services being run? Do you think a photo Opp is all that stands between Trump and dictatorship?
I do not think the marginal effect of slightly slowing down whatever bullshit Trump has planned is worth the actual costs involved.
(re:Manchin/Sinema, fuck em, but there was not actually a secret lever to pull that Biden et al were just ignoring; there is not actually a solution to "you do not have the votes" to passing bills)
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i am collapsing into myself like a dying star
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thatcatbasil · 11 months ago
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the sound of someone you love who's going away and it doesn't matter
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astrobei · 1 year ago
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may i offer some byler exes fic in these trying times (it’s a road trip fic but we’re not there yet)
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a-s-levynn · 1 year ago
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Tiny Token 3rd set
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banjotheturtle · 1 year ago
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Kaidou Halloween Fanart
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For context every Halloween I draw my Kaidou Vampire Redesign and this year is year 3! It’s kind of a way for me to see how I have improved over time.
Here are my previous two years (the comic was 2022 and the close up is 2021):
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bondagebimbo · 15 days ago
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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thedailydragon · 11 months ago
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#001 hes sleepy from staying up until midnight
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goldkirk · 9 months ago
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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!
#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING#IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN#HA#MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF#and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders#that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self#ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief#a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief#and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me#and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf#anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally#now i see what the past several months but especially especially#the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January#were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong#...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not#a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side#and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like#i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha#they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y#anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet#trauma evolution#shh katie#personal#my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal#abuse
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