#i was only able to find 1 and the results were inconclusive

[airbrushfather]

im the knowledgeboy. im the one who knows.

[cryptidwithacopiccollection]

-points at you with delight and glee- FELLOW MARINE BIOLOGY/OCEANOGRAPHY ENTHUSIAST!!! hi I love your mer-attorneys and all the sea creatures you pick it delights my inner fish immensely

FKJHSAJHKSDKHSD THANK YOU!!

This whole AU would not have been possible without @original-character-chaos, who contributed to like half of the creature picks for the mers. It started out as me making a joke that if Miles Edgeworth was a mer, he'd be a frilled shark. Nox then asked if Gumshoe would be an octopus. Then I decided Franziska would be a sixgill because I love sixgills. We promptly spiraled out of control from there.

And when I say spiraled oh boy do I mean it. Under the cut is several paragraphs of infodumping.

First was our basic criteria: only deepsea animals.

Next came picking out deepsea animals for everyone. At this point we had Mia, Maya, Pearl, and Miles figured out, but we needed something for phoenix. At first I tossed around the idea of a coelacanth, since they're both blue and incredibly persistent, but they aren't able to swim very deep (only 700m down, mia would have had a 6,000 meter lead on him). Then I was looking up deep sea sharks. and one name stood out as odd to me. The basking shark was on there. Which was weird, they're surface dwellers. They literally have "basking" in their name, why would they be deepsea. Then I found out that they can dive up to 2,000 meters below the surface. for reference, that is as deep as GIANT SQUIDS.

And then it clicked that of COURSE Phoenix Wright, of all characters, would make a great deepsea mer to have basking in it's name. A few other factors, such as basking sharks being able to breach and being warm-blooded (just think of the cuddling possibilities), sealed him in.

Not only did we decide that we were only allowed to pick deepsea animals (reaching the twilight zone, aprox. 200 meters below sea level minimum, preferrably closer to the midnight zone at about 1,000 meters), but each character, save for identical twins, would be a different species. The specificity has gotten to the point where all mers in the Fey family have to be in the order scyphozoa, aka "true" sea jellies, and ON TOP OF THAT their bioluminescence directly correlates with their spritual power. So Mia, Maya, and pearl are all bioluminescent, but Dahlia and Iris aren't. Similarly, while we decided to give all characters distinct species, we also wanted bio family to show some relation to each other. So while Apollo is a thorny whiplash squid and Trucy's a vampire squid, they're both red cephalapods, and their common root, Thalassa, is a blanket octopus. Nox and I were kinda loosing our shit trying (and failing) to cross-reference the depth range of the gelatinous blanket octopus (Thalassa), which is different from a the shallow-dwelling rainbow blanket octopus, and even after digging up actual research papers our findings were unfortunately inconclusive. Another less complicated example is Manfred vonKarma, who we lovingly gave a greenland shark for the fact that he's old as fuck and also full of poison. Then of course Franziska had to be a shark too, so I said bluntnose sixgill because they are so fucking cool, and everyone sleeps on them.

And I mean it. Look up the largest sharks in the world. #1 will be the whale shark, for obvious reasons, the largest we've ever accurately measured was over 60 feet long. #2 will be the basking shark, which also checks out, their largest on record was over 40 feet.

But then you check for the next on the list. Now, weight-wise, the results do look different, but we're specifically focusing on the length of the shark from snout to tail-tip for this. And it's also where I start wanting to throw hands. On base reaction, most people would say the great white. A good record on measurements is this article, but they unfortunately appear to have fallen for the Great White propaganda, claiming the largest one on record was 23 feet. Wow, that's big! Sure would be cool if it was true. The largest great white that I can reliably find measurements on is Deep blue, who clocks in at just over 20 feet. There are unconfirmed reports from several hundred years ago of whites that were well over thirty feet... that I don't believe were actually great whites. See, they bear a striking similarity to the harmless, much larger basking shark, and I'd bet actual money on these reported catches just being very unfortunate baskers, sorry guys.

So, great whites only grow to about 21 feet MAXIUM, and most average 15-16 feet. Why have I spent so much time tearing them down over sixgills? WHEHEHEELLL. Buckle up. The largest recorded bluntnose sixgill shark was

26.

feet.

long.

Unlike great whites, a sixgill has no larger relatives to be mistaken for.

AND while I'm at it, I would like to add that the average size for this species, 11-14 feet, isn't nearly as well documented as other shallow-water sharks, and is based on when the shark reaches sexual maturity; sighted sixgills often reach well past 18 feet. Submersibles have encountered massive ones, such as this gorgeous beast, and because I'm so very normal, I did the math. It's stated in the extended cut of the exploration that her head is about 3 feet wide. And based on this reference, i measured out a sixgill's head width as about 1/7th of their total body length.

3 x 7 is 21, so that shark is, give or take, about 21 feet, possibly longer. Since they are deep-sea sharks, with the adults sticking to deeper waters, it is entirely possible that the largest ones are just chilling near the seafloor having never seen a submersible or ROV. Even discounting that, we have a (albeit roughly) measured sixgill who is as big as Deep Blue, if not bigger, and google is a liar.

They also are responsible for trying to eat underwater ethernet cables

So yeah. that's a lil bit of lore for Law of the deep, the silly little deepsea mer au for ace attorney! Thank you so much for the ask, again :D

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Link Click Season 2

It's a bit strange, I know, to write a full review for a show's second season without having done the same for its first. Though I suppose I did the same with Jujutsu Kaisen as well, so maybe this just helps me process my thoughts better. Sometimes it takes until I've really spent a lot of time with a show to fully unpack how I feel about it. And while I enjoyed Link Click's first season a lot, it left a lot of questions in the air that left my feelings fairly inconclusive. Not just plot questions, but questions of theme, message, meaning, what it was trying to say with all its time-twisting stories. The ride itself was fun, but this felt like a case where I really needed to see the destination as well. Only then would I really be able to nail down my thoughts on Link Click as a whole.

Well, now I've reached that destination. Mostly; there's a third season on the way eventually, but enough of those big questions are answered by the end of season 2 that I'm able to sort out my thoughts a little better. And man, what a fascinating, frustrating, singular experience this turned out to be.

In case you need a recap, Link Click is the story of Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang, two young men with the power to travel into the past through photographs and help resolve their clients' lingering regrets. Maybe they need to find some long-forgotten secret, or pass on a final message the client never got the chance to. But whatever the case, the most important rule remains the same: do not change the past. No matter how tragic or unfair a person's life as been, meddling with the timeline to try and make things better will only result in further tragedy. At least that's how it seems until the end of season 1, when it's revealed that someone- or perhaps, a larger group- has been wreaking havoc with their own photo-based superpowers to ensure these tragic fates are brought to their inevitable conclusion. Thus, season 2 is all about tracking down the people responsible, unraveling one big conspiracy to stop the criminals before they cause any more damage.

So already that's a pretty big change from season 1. Instead of spending time with a bunch of episodic small-scale mysteries that freely bounce between various tones, Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang are now focused on this singular case in a season-long ongoing supernatural crime drama. Thankfully, there's enough excuses to jump into the past that we still get a decent chunk of that genre-mixing experience that I loved about season 1. We may not have as much variety as before- there's no love stories or sports anime subplots here- but the mechanics of time-leaping are still pretty essential to how the story unfolds and how the characters come to understand their place in it. What is missing, though- arguably one of season 1's most important qualities that pretty much vanishes in season 2- is the exploration of the morality of messing with time itself.

See, one of the first season's thorniest conflicts was whether or not is was right, or safe, for Cheng Xiaoshi to change the pasts of the people he jumped back into. So many of his and Lu Guang's clients had truly miserable lives, and there were many times he felt like he had a chance- no, a responsibility- to take action in their past that would send their present down a better path. But it was never as easy as that, and often times, his attempts to make things better would just end up making them worse. And I'm really unsure how to feel about Link Click's handling of this concept. Sure, I know the reason they can't just use time travel to fix everything: once you give your characters the power to rewrite any mistake, the stakes pretty much become nonexistent. For the sake of a good story, Cheng kind of has to be doomed to not be able to make a difference in the past. But there's a point at which the world starts to feel actively unfair with how it twists every single attempt he makes to force a tragic result regardless. Is changing the past bad because you can't predict how it will shape the future, or has the universe just cosmically ordained that certain people will suffer and die no matter what? Because only one of those answers is compelling to me, and I'm not convinced it's the answer Link Click has decided to go with.

And that was one of the answers I was most hoping to get in season 2. What, exactly, does this story have to say about messing with time? Is it actually engaging with that question honestly, or is it simply forcing the answer it prefers with cheap moralizing and forced plot turns? Unfortunately, that question remains basically unaddressed throughout season 2. In fact, most of those broader questions and philosophy and character journeys from season 1 take a backseat to the mechanics of the plot in season 2. Season 1's greatest strength was how well it balanced its sci-fi and thriller elements with the humanity at the core of its cast, using its time-leaping to explore not just Cheng's character but the countless ways people choose to move on from the past or remain stuck in it, or draw power from it. With season 2's narrowed focus, though, it really only does that for its central antagonists, and basically every other character is pure plot machinery. Compared to how lush and lived-in the countless snapshots of memory we visited in season 1 felt, the world of season 2 barely feels like it exists outside the confines of the plot.

My guess is, the intention here was to choose quality over quantity. Instead of getting lots of brief insights into the lives of various different people, we spend the whole season digging into just the central antagonists' past and fleshing it out in as much detail as possible. And to its credit, this seasons' villains, a pair of psychic siblings who parallel Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang's brotherly relationship. Their past is easily Link Click's darkest tale yet, a story of abuse, neglect, trauma and social toxicity that at times feels like a darkest-possible-timeline mirror to that question of using your powers to fix a bad situation only to make it a million times worse. And it's not subtle about connecting that darkness with the worst of China's familial culture, which I do not know enough about to discuss with any authority, but let's just say that basically any man in this season who tries to exercise his authority over a woman ends up paying the price for it. More than anything, it reminds me of the way Gen Urobuchi tackles misogyny in his work, exploring how attitudes of patriarchal domination twist people into monsters while everyone in close proximity suffers for it- even when you think you're doing it with noble intentions.

Sadly, as compelling as that central hook is, the rest of the season really suffers around it. The problem with Link Click introducing new superpowered characters is it kind of forces itself to get trapped in the mechanics of it all. Season 1 got away with using time jumps mostly just as the backbone for its various character studies, but now the show has to actually deal with how all these various powers work and interact, and considering how many of these powers involve messing with time, it doesn't take long for this shit to get real convoluted real fast. It's a headache trying to keep track of the rules behind the antagonists' powers, and it feels like no matter what the answer is, there's at least one scenario in the show that completely breaks those rules. And don't get me started on how many head-smacking contrivances this season pulls to force its plot into the shape it wants. You're telling me you've got this person imprisoned who you know has some unknown power you're unprepared to deal with, and you let her just waltz out of security camera sight without a ten-man gun squad keeping an eye on her at all times? Are you high???

Overall, Link Click season 2 is just messy. It's a big swing that takes big chances with the foundation season 1 established, but it doesn't hit every pitch and you really feel the disjoint where it strikes out. It's a good thing the art and animation are still as superb as they were in season 1; turns out, an expertly-choreographed hand-to-hand fight scene can help even the dumbest plot points go down easier. But the series overall feels on much shakier ground than it did at the end of season 1, and I hope season 3 will be able to right that ship. I'd hate for a series this promising to become just another disappointing failure to establish Chinese donghua as a true artistic powerhouse. Until then, though, season 2 gets a score of:

6/10

And on that note, I think I have another poll to make. See you in a few hours...

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HOW TO BE GOOD AND PAINTERS

It's flattering to talk to someone who wants to do great things, you'd be able to make investors give them more money upfront. One, the CTO couldn't be a first rate hacker, because to become an eminent NT developer he would have had the same probability,. As a standard, you couldn't wish for more. Sam Altman did.1 There are a few places where the work is so interesting that this is so. Starting a startup is so hard that it's a close call even for the ones that occur a lot.2 That's what you're looking for.

However high a startup may be flying now, it probably has a few leaves stuck in the landing gear from those trees it barely cleared at the end of a long and unbelievably distracting process. Those are like experiments that get inconclusive results.3 But the next time I talked to him, he said they'd decided to build their software on Windows NT, and had a strong Canadian accent and a mullet. The university is just the seed. Those companies were apparently willing to establish subsidiaries wherever the experts wanted to live.4 Well, there precisely is Montaigne's great discovery. At one of the inventors of the transistor. Like all craftsmen, hackers like good tools. There are no meetings or, God forbid, corporate retreats or team-building exercises. There are two main kinds of badness in comments: meanness and stupidity.

I call it the design paradox. The students don't. I think if I look closer I'll be able to find statistical differences between these and my real mail. What next? And so they're the most valuable sort of fact you can get. We'll increasingly be defined by what we say no to. That's what you're looking for. Those things you have to be facing the big problem directly enough that you catch some of these. That if they wanted to; they're probably required to by law.5 You don't have to think about a lot.

In America only a few years old.6 I'm suspicious when startups choose SF. And some of the ways cities send you messages are quite subtle. By definition these 10,000 founders wouldn't be taking jobs from Americans: it could be part of the money. TV has become much more engaging, and even the idea you apply with, we look for. What would Steve do? Apparently when Robert first met him, I thought he was a complete idiot. And the source of your problems, a low burn rate gives you more freedom and the opportunity to make a silicon valley; you let one grow.

In a lot of good co-founders. Instead of building stuff to throw away, you tend to want every line of code to go toward that final goal of showing you did a lot of experience themselves in the technology business. The opportunity is a lot less unexploited now. But the biggest mistake founders make in dealing with corp dev work. And most surprising means most different from what people currently believe.7 The level of trust and helpfulness is remarkable for a group of such size. That if they wanted to. It was just like. We will eventually, and that's one of the things pinned up on our bulletin board was an ad from IBM. They won't be offended.

Notes

A round, you create wealth in the Neolithic period.

And that there's more of the art business? You need to know exactly what they're building takes so long. I never watch movies in theaters anymore.

The solution for this to some fairly high spam probability.

I mark.

I startups.

One YC founder wrote after reading a draft of this essay wrote: My feeling with the exception of the work of selection. 001 negative effect on college admissions there would be unfortunate. Your teachers are always telling you and listen only to your brain that you're not consciously aware of it, and I suspect most of the most common recipe but not the only one.

In judging both intelligence and wisdom we have. If the rich. Plus one can ever say it again. Perhaps realizing this will be, and partly because a there was a kid was an assiduous courtier of the founders.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, Stephen Wolfram, Jackie McDonough, and Dan Giffin paper for reading a previous draft.

[anomellee]

These guys have essentially made careers of confusing their own prejudice/bigotry (biphobia in this case) for science, but they did finally manage to admit in 2020 that men can in fact be bisexual...

This doesn't seem to be a result of getting better data, because the data in this study doesn't seem much different from anything they've published in the past and their result doesn't seem to be statistically significant.

The problem is Bailey, Blanchard, Zucker, and their ilk have literally spent their entire careers claiming that (1) research subjects lie on interviews to fuck up the data and (2) the only reliable test of a person's sexual orientation is to measure their genital arousal. Obviously the first point here is, um, problematic, because it means they just disregard any self reported evidence that contradicts their expectations (ie homophobia, biphobia, transphobia). Michael Bailey literally wrote an entire book (The Man Who Would Be Queen...) that's basically him being a bigot and meeting gay men and trans women in bars and calling them liars. Don't waste your time on the book, but please do check out the incredible review Imogen Binnie left on goodreads.

Thankfully, despite their lasting prominence in the field of sex psychology, they're clearly loosing the war of public opinion. Anyway, these guys seem to have finally realized that they're not gonna be able to convince people they aren't cranks, and so they managed to find a sympathetic editor at a prestigious journal so they can tell themselves that they remained noble defenders of science until they were finally persuaded by "the evidence."

Note: Bailey is a coauthor and probably principle investigator (and the editor is Steven Pinker, famous for his "the world is less violent than ever because humans evolved to be less gross" hypothesis).

Now, the reason the PNAS paper only focuses on male bisexuality is because they think essentially all women are bisexual and don't really believe that lesbians actually exist. There was a paper from like 2019 or 2020 that literally said something like "evidence for the purported lesbian sexuality remains inconclusive" (the misogyny of these individuals is continually mind-blowing). I cba to find the reference but I think this chapter titled really speaks for itself:

feel like there was sort of a wave of "parent realizing theyre gay" stories but its weird to think how era-specific those are, like, presumably "people who are in their like, 50s, and didnt realize they were gay until after having a kid" are gonna be relatively rare in like, 20-30 years

[peekbackstage]

Heya Peek! You wrote in one of your replies that it is difficult for asian artist let alone a Chinese artist to hold a tour overseas. Can you expand a bit on that? Also adding onto to this, I understand that if we were to compare it with kpop, the western reception is quite different towards cpop/c-artist. Though has there been any c-artist who have achieve the feat of a proper world tour overseas?

Disclaimer: This post is informed by my experience in music. All of this is fact, not speculation.  

Hi! You always ask such great questions!

Let’s talk a bit about touring! 

For many artists around the world, touring is often the #1 income generating activity for an artist (unless they have a ton of really high-valued endorsements). Though it is exhausting, it is also very rewarding, as artists get to interact with their fans in a controlled environment and reap the rewards. It is is also a necessary part of the music ecosystem, as many tours tend to support album releases, which generate more sales. 

Many artists in Japan and China actually have very successful careers in their local markets and never have to even leave their home country to tour, because the size of their local markets are really just that huge. Artists from Taiwan, Singapore, and South Korea, however, do have to go outside their immediate local market to maximize their earning potential because their local market isn’t big enough. This is why Kpop is actually South Korea’s #1 export and contributor of South Korea’s GDP. 

For artists who don’t technically have to leave their country to tour, leaving comes with the risk of losing out on local opportunities and higher earning potential, especially if the overseas tour doesn’t come with the same dollar value as local tours. This is easily the very first hurdle all Asian artists have to overcome: passing up on local opportunities for the chance of developing a career abroad. 

The second hurdle that artists have to face is finding someone who will pay for the tour. The misconception that many people have about touring is that record labels or management companies are the ones who organize the tours and pay for them. This is completely incorrect. Instead, concert promoters are the ones who fund, organize, and produce tours. 

You see, all venues are owned and operated by a concert promoter. A huge majority of venues in the United States, for example, are owned by Live Nation or AEG. There are a number that are owned independently, but there’s no question that Live Nation and AEG are the biggest power players in the game. So in order to put on a concert, you have to deal with the venue owner, which is always going to be a concert promoter.  (Or a Chinese casino.) 

The reality is: without a concert promoter such as Live Nation or AEG or an independent promoter (or multiple local promoters) to help pay for a tour, major tours just never happen in today’s live music industry. 

The problem with relying on local concert promoters is that most of the time, local promoters are only willing to shell out money and take a risk on artists that have a track record. Often, they’ll turn to resources such as Pollstar Pro, which track ticket sales, box office revenue, etc. for live events per artist. Unfortunately, many Asian artists actually aren’t registered in the Pollstar system, and so this information is usually inconclusive. As a result, talent buyers for local promoters who are unfamiliar with Asian artists would need to rely on a few things:

Their own research on the artist to determine the artist’s market size, especially if this is an international artist who has never performed locally before

Their trust in the agent/individual who pitched the artist. The trust placed in the agent is actually a huge factor, especially if the agent has historically been able to demonstrate a solid track record of strong box offices.

If the Asian artist in question doesn’t have local representation via an agent or someone else who can pitch them to a buyer, then that means the only way they would be able to tour would be if there is an independent Asian promoter or talent buyer who knows who the artist is and is willing to take a risk. (The alternative would be for the Asian promoter to act as an intermediary agent, but that is literally another post in and of itself and is more complicated so I’m going to not focus on that for now.) 

So, let’s assume there is an independent Asian promoter who wants to take a risk on an artist who has never toured internationally before. Let’s further assume the Asian promoter already has all the money available to pay for this tour. They know who the artist is, sees that the artist is trending locally in their market, and believes that the artist can stage a successful tour. 

First, the promoter has to contact the artist’s management company and ensure that the artist has availability for the time period in which they want to tour. They also have to convince the management company to even be willing to consider the offer. At that point, they have to request the artist’s technical and hospitality rider from the management company so they can actually price it out.

Then, the promoter has to route the tour by securing venue availabilities. This is actually a lot harder if the promoter is funding the tour 100% independently because venues are unwilling to place “holds” on any dates for too long if the show is a rental and not one that involves their own talent buyer. So, the promoter has to act very quickly to secure a number of dates. 

Once the tour is routed, the promoter then has to send a lucrative enough offer to the company that will make the company feel it’s worth the local opportunity cost - and it cannot be a small amount or one or two dates, unless those two dates come with such a huge price tag that the management company simply can’t turn it down. The offer also has to have an entire list of cities, venues, venue sizes, and dates. This is usually delivered in the form of a deal memo to the management company. 

Deal memos for most Asian artists also always include the following: 

Artist guarantee per show 

Hospitality clause that includes 5 star hotels, international travel for X amount of individuals, including business/first class flights for artist (and potentially the artist’s security and manager), and luxury SUVs or comparable vehicles for internal transportation 

Per diem for X amount of people, including artist 

Cost of visas 

Attached tech and hospitality rider provided by artist management

Requirements for artist (i.e. XX minutes of performance, any meet and greets, any PR etc.) 

Now, at this point, if the management company agrees to the terms of the deal memo, they then turn this into a contract which is signed. Once the contract is signed, the promoter is responsible for paying the artist at least 50% of their guarantee as a deposit. They then need to begin working on securing the artist’s visa. This is actually the hard part, especially if the artist previously has never performed in the country. 

So, if we are talking about the United States as an example, as it is the biggest market in the West for Asian artists, the artist has to obtain either an O-visa or an H1-B visa. This usually requires a visa attorney who specializes in international artists who will actually get a letter from a Senator to recommend the artist for a visa. The artist then has to go to their embassy for an interview and their embassy side has to also approve it - especially if it’s a Chinese artist, so that sometimes requires lawyers on the artist’s side. If the visa doesn’t go through and is denied, and if appeals don’t manage to go through in time, then the tour is dead on its feet. So, a visa is really important! 

While this is happening, the promoter has to also work on obtaining a CWA (central withholding agreement) to avoid having to withhold 30% of income that would otherwise go straight to the IRS. If they do not succeed in obtaining a CWA that they can present to the venue, the venue will be required to withhold 30% of all box office proceeds at settlement. (Yeah, I know that’s kind of insane, but it’s technically the law.) This 30% would ultimately impact the promoter’s bottom line, and potentially the artist’s, depending on the kind of contract that is negotiated. (If the artist is made responsible for tax withholding, then the artist’s income will be hit negatively if the promoter is unable to or fails to obtain a CWA.) 

I can go into far more detail about all the promoter’s responsibilities from this point on, but you asked why it’s difficult for an artist to hold a tour overseas - and as you can see, even before we get into the actual technical production part planning for the tour, it’s already extremely complicated. Many Asian management companies simply do not want to deal with that kind of complication when they already know how things work from home and it’s a relatively “easy” paycheck. 

Touring overseas usually comes with a big cultural shock for the artist. Many Asian artists don’t enjoy the same level of fame abroad as they do at home, which means, they often don’t get the same level of care that they do at home. What their team can afford for them locally is not necessarily what the local promoter can afford abroad. Some artists who normally are used to a 5-star experience everywhere may sometimes have to settle for less and be comfortable with the idea of scaling down production, which not all artists are willing to do. (Scaling down on production is usually the #1 most contentious area of negotiation between promoters and management companies. The second thing that they tend to fight on is usually the hospitality rider, but that’s not often as bad as negotiating tech riders.)

Sometimes, the tech rider issue is such a huge problem that the artist will blow their tech budget entirely out of the water - especially artists and management teams who have massive egos and have a lot of trouble understanding they really are not as big of a deal as they are overseas. 

I can think of a particular Asian artist who performed internationally in the United States and insisted on actually shipping their entire stage that they toured with in their country to the U.S. Instead of renting locally, which would have saved a huge amount of money, they shipped the entire stage and all of the equipment. They also decided to fly out over 100 people, 30+ of whom flew first or business class with an average price of about $3000/per ticket. 

The promoter did such a bad job actually marketing the show that they were literally giving away tickets and even paying people to fill seats because of just how bad it looked to have an empty venue. 

It was a complete disaster. 

In any case, there are a lot more reasons why touring abroad is difficult for Asian artists, but as you can see, getting a tour off the ground itself is already insanely difficult - and we haven’t even gotten to the actual performance itself. 

As for your other question - I’ll have to ask that you actually submit that in a separate ask because this particular blog post has already gotten so long, and I think that is another conversation entirely! 

I hope I’ve helped to shed some light on some of the many difficulties that come with trying to stage an international tour for an Asian artist! 

[gowoshusoul]

Fanmade SCP: 6760; a friend in the shadows

Item #: SCP-6760

Object Class: 

Containment: Euclid Esoteric

Secondary: (No previous secondary) Thaumiel 

Disruption: Keneq Dark

Risk: Critical Notice 

Addendum-6760-3:

SCP-6760 has not shown any signs of aggression since the initial incident, when researcher ███████ unfortunately lost his life due to his own negligence. His aggression toward SCP-6760 was uncalled for and unprofessional. 

I understand the apprehension toward working with 6760, but through testing, experiments, and therapy, it has been successfully rehabilitated and shows unwavering loyalty to the Foundation. It remains hesitant to interact with any staff not associated with myself and my assistant. Caution and patience is encouraged when interacting with SCP-6760, though it has shown no aggression toward humans after the initial incident and has expressed a fascination with mankind. It’s for the best that 6760 is allowed to explore and observe Foundation staff, as knowledge of its surroundings keeps it from lashing out in its confusion. 

Many of you know, SCP-6760 was instrumental in securing site ██ after its disastrous containment breach. I’ve consulted with my colleagues and higher ups, and we came to the unanimous conclusion that 6760’s anomalous properties should be utilized in the case of future breaches.

I understand that this is a controversial decision, and I understand that 6760 could pose a threat to aggressive personnel. Think of it as a police dog: If you give him no reason to attack you, or me no reason to initiate an attack, you will not be harmed. Feel free to contact me with any concerns you feel need addressing, and we will work together to secure, contain, and protect.

- Dr. Andreas Fox

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6760 is allowed to roam the facility under the watch of Dr. Fox. The majority of the time, SCP-6760 can be found hiding in Dr. Fox’s shirt, and is allowed to be taken home with Dr. Fox since his residency had been modified into a secure site. SCP-6760 is allowed to be housed at one of two sites depending on its preference, the judgement of Dr. Fox, and Foundation discretion. 

Regardless of containment site, 6760 is to be provided with a five (5) by five (5) by two point five (2.5) meter glass enclosure. Glass is thirty (30) cm thick. SCP-6760 is to be kept in its enclosure when not being supervised. A one (1) by one (1) by one point five (1.5) meter table is to be placed in the center of both enclosures, with LED lights on for the duration of containment. 6760 is encouraged to hide from the light. When requested, 6760 is to be spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone. Polite conversation has been shown to keep 6760 docile and happy.

In addition, different colored lights are to be utilized in SCP-6760’s containment. A description of colors and their effects will be provided below. 

Description: SCP-6760 was discovered at ████, ███ on  ██ / █ /  ████ after crashing down to Earth in the form of a meteor. Researchers initially found an empty crater that seemed to be slick with oil. Unprompted, researcher ███████ explored the creator. Upon stepping on the “oil”, it surrounded, taking a semi-humanoid form and consumed the researcher. It recoiled from high-intensity lights that were placed around the crater for observation. It lasted in this form for approximately thirty seconds before reducing itself to a quarter-sized sphere. SCP-6760 was then transported in a glass container illuminated by a flashlight to site  ██. It was later transported to site ██ when Dr. Fix showed interest in rehabilitating the item. 

SCP-6760 is an amorphous, black entity made of an unknown substance that calls itself Scorn. Staff are encouraged to call it by its preferred name, as addressing it with its item number results in negative reactions. Testing has come back inconclusive, and staff has since given up on trying to assess the item’s DNA. When put in a dark room, the item will expand to fill it and take on whatever shape it so desires. 6760 has the ability to inflict catastrophic damage on the facility, though it’s always insisted it’s “just stretching” when it expands. Though it can expand under light, the entity has expressed that it “burns too bad to move”. It spends the majority of its time under its table or with Dr. Fox, who has complete and total control over the entity. SCP-6760 has never denied a command from Dr. Fox, no matter how tedious, menial, or absurd the command is. It is capable of speaking rudimentary English, which is steadily improving with the help of Dr. Fox and his underling, ███████ █████. When given a command by Mr. █████, it hesitates and complains, but eventually obeys. These two are regarded to be the only people with complete control over 6760, though it’s been seen to obey other Foundation staff in dire circumstances. 

SCP-6760’s most common forms are:

- A vaguely humanoid shape of varying height, always measured to be over two (2) meters tall. Its features are indiscernible, though it always smiles at Foundation staff to show off its “pretty teeth”. When in a humanoid shape, the item condenses its matter to form a skeletal system. When it reverts to a simpler shape, it regurgitates its skeleton. All “bones” collected from SCP-6760 are to be collected and stored for testing. 

- An average, button down shirt. This form is most commonly taken when hiding under Dr. Fox’s shirt. If Dr. Fox removes his shirt, SCP-6760 will act as a temporary replacement, usually sticking its “head” out of the shirt pocket to communicate with Foundation staff. 

- A one eyed sphere, most commonly taken during containment when hiding under its provided table. It can be described as similar to a Beholder, a monster enemy in the tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons. 

- An amorphous blob identical to SCP-999. This form is only taken when the entities interact, though due to 999’s anomalous properties, SCP-6760 is almost always reduced to a giggling puddle. It takes approximately 15 minutes to return to its original shape on its own, and 5 minutes with Dr. Fox’s encouragement. 

Testing has shown that SCP-6760 has a wide range of reactions to different colored lights. Notable examples include:

- Sunlight causes an adverse reaction in the item, though it sustains no physical damage from being exposed to it. It’s less of a threat and more of an inconvenience to the item. 

- Any type of LED will result in the entity becoming slightly weakened. They cause the entity to struggle when taking shape. Notable LED variants are: 

Mixed: Multiple light sources of different colors will confuse and disorient the item. It reacts by hiding and crying out for Dr. Fox. Dr. Fox is the only staff member able to comfort the entity. 

Red: Any source of red light causes an intense and immediate negative reaction. The longer 6760 is exposed to red light, the more violent the entity becomes. It will do anything and everything possible to break the offending bulb, often resulting in burns that heal themselves when the entity is provided with ample shadow.

Green: Green lights energize and excite 6760. The item will act similarly to a puppy when exposed to green lights. Due to this, green lighting should be utilized when the item interacts with SCP-999.

Yellow/orange: Yellow and orange lights are mildly calming to the entity. It will still try to hide in shadows, though it has no adverse reactions to the light. Yellow and orange lights are to be used as a mild sedative, with a “high” similar to that of a low dose of Valium. It’s theorized that yellow and orange lights produce such a reaction because of 6760’s relationship with 999, but at this point in time there’s no way of knowing.

Blue: Blue LEDs cause the entity to almost instantaneously put the entity to sleep. SCP-6760 will find the nearest shady spot, fall asleep, and remain there until the light is either shut off or replaced with light of a different color. Attempts to wake the subject invariably fail.

Purple: Purple lights are SCP-6760’s favorite. The item has expressed that these lights are the gentlest on his skin. It frequently requests purple lighting at night, as it better helps the entity relax without outright sedating it.

Addendum-6760-1:

The following is an interview conducted by Dr. Fox after months of containment and speech therapy. It should be noted that SCP-6760 was not able to be understood and Dr. Fox provided a transcription once the interview concluded.

Interviewer: Dr. Andreas Fox, site ██

Interviewee: SCP-6760

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Fox: Scorn, I understand that you’re ready to talk about your retrieval?

SCP-6760: I don’t want to.

Dr. Fox: But will you? 

SCP-6760: [Item bows its head.]

Dr. Fox: You realize you killed a man, don’t you?

SCP-6760: [Item nods.]

Dr. Fox: Can I ask why you would do such a thing?

SCP-6760: [Item bears its teeth.] He stepped on me.

Dr. Fox: He hurt you?

SCP-6760: Ground his heel into me. Called me disgusting.

Dr. Fox: Did you know what that word meant at the time?

SCP-6760: No, but I understood his voice. I heard the hate. I feeled it under his foot.

Dr. Fox: The correct word is felt.

SCP-6760: [Item grumbles indecipherably.]

Dr. Fox: Apologies. I understand you’re still learning. [Dr. Fox consults his clipboard.] You could feel that he was disgusted with you. That’s what motivated you to kill him?

SCP-6760: Yes.

Dr. Fox: What would you do if that happened again? Would you kill another person for insulting you?

SCP-6760: [Item pauses for thirty seconds.] No.

Dr. Fox: Why not?

SCP-6760: You would be mad. Or sad. You would shine lights on me.

Dr. Fox: [He makes note of this.] What if there were no lights? If there would be no consequences, would you attack someone?

SCP-6760: No. You would be sad or mad.

Dr. Fox: I would be, but I’m glad to hear you won’t do it again. 

SCP-6760: I want to go home.

Dr. Fox: Back to your chamber?

SCP-6760: [Subject nods.] With the pretty lights.

Dr. Fox: Does that mean you’re done talking to me for the day?

SCP-6760: [Subject nods.]

Dr. Fox: I just have one more question. Do you feel remorse for what you did? Do you understand that word?

SCP-6760: [Subject refuses to move or speak.]

Dr. Fox: Alright, Scorn. I can escort you back to your chamber now.

Addendum-6760-2:

During the security breach at site ██, during which multiple euclid and keter items escaped their chambers, SCP-6760 was found scouring the halls and “absorbing” any and all personnel it found. No personnel retrieved by SCP-6760 were hurt in any way by the item. It proceeded to gather as many staff members it could find, including D-Class, and took them outside. It found a MTF vehicle to hide under until Dr. Fox requested its help. They reentered the facility, escorted by a MTF team, and SCP-6760 was able to neutralize multiple items. Items include: SCPs 173, 049, 372, 682, and multiple instances of 939. It attempted to apprehend SCP-096, but was ultimately unsuccessful. 

[crushaa]

Explaining the long break and how I got diagnosed with ADHD:

This is a post about mental health. There’s a TLDR at the bottom :) 

“Apply yourself, Cien. If you wanted to pass this class, you would be trying.” 

When I was 15, I got my tonsils out. I got the same kind of statement from a few friends and even family members; “Oh yeah, they used to take EVERYONE’S tonsils out! Even if they didn’t need it, it was the cure to everything. But now everyone’s got ADHD, so that’s the new trend.” 

Around the end of July 2019, I was running out of steam. I still had plenty of creative energy, but I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to work on anything anymore. The truth is that I knew I would hit another music block, and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone else expected it too. My posting history has always been very irregular, even back in high school with long unexplained breaks in between new songs. Knowing it would happen, I felt confident in my ability to tackle it and change my pattern of behavior.

I never thought it would last this long. With each month passing by I began to feel guiltier and guiltier, trying to find out why I couldn't do it. I'd sit in front of an empty FL Studio project for hours, and all my Paint Tool Sai canvases never had more than a few lines.  As the months went on, some pretty dramatic life events took place- various family deaths, 2 near death experiences myself, an abusive doctor. For whatever reason, I just could not recover. 

I used the tragedies as excuses as to why I couldn't do it. It would be reasonable to not be able to do anything. My antidepressants were definitely working for the first time in my life, but why couldn’t I work? I spent the New Year holiday feeling just as guilty and frustrated as ever…. I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided that I was going to go back to my doctors loaded with new theories and ideas as to what could possibly be wrong with me. It never occured to me to tell anyone I couldn’t write more than 2-3 songs in one year when it’s literally my job to write music. 

I began speculating the possibility of another psychiatric disorder, and that made me nervous. Would she think I was lying? Or faking it? I could no longer stand the treatment from the nurse practitioner who had been treating my psychiatric illnesses. I’d always been very uncomfortable with how she treated me, but she’d found the rare genetic disorder I had. I felt that I owed my progress to her and that I should stick it out. But I was still leaving her office in tears at the end of every session. An off color comment, passive aggressive reminders to take my medication, the feeling that I had no say in my own treatment plan… it was too much.  But she was the only one in town who was available to see me. So I went, and I was administered an MMPI by a psychiatrist in that same building. At the end of February, I’d get the results.  

The next appointment with her was the last time she’s ever going to see me. The results of the test had come in as inconclusive, and my world fell apart. She asked what I thought of the results, and I answered truthfully. I told her I was afraid that she saw me as a hypochondriac. 

“Well what if you are?” I didn’t answer. “Well, you are,” she went on with a cocky smile. 

She began to tell me it was my own fault. She told me I had brain damage. But it was fine, because she told me I could be treated for believing I was still sick. 

It affected me deeply, for days I couldn’t stop crying or eat a full meal. The guilt, frustration and embarrassment swallowed me whole; the problem was me. Of course I was making it up. I felt suicidal for the first time in 4 years. There was no point in trying anymore because I as a whole was defective. This world would be better off without a lost cause like me. 

I pulled myself out of this headspace for a while one day, and realized that a HEALTH CARE PROVIDER made me feel this way. 

WHERE WAS THE BRAIN SCAN, BITCH????

 All the guilt, embarrassment, shame- it morphed into a new red hot burning rage. I fired her immediately and revoked any permissions she had. I went to my primary care doctor and asked him to prescribe me my psychiatric medications while I looked for a new psychiatrist, to which he agreed. I asked him for an ADHD test, but he wasn’t comfortable doing it himself. He referred me to a psychiatrist with a 6 month waiting list who then tried to refer me to the abusive nurse practitioner. I set up the six month appointment wait and began to look into doctors in other towns.

On Monday, April 6th, I went to go see a different doctor for something completely unrelated and walked out with an ADHD (Inattentive type) diagnosis. And now less than a week later, everything about my life has changed. 7 long months of executive dysfunction came to an end in the 1 hour it took for the first half-pill to dissolve. Hot damn. 

It felt like everyone else in the world was allowed to use the sidewalk to get from place to place, but there was a rule that I had to dodge incoming traffic to get anywhere. Now, I can use the sidewalk too. I am relearning everything that I know. 

I am no longer ashamed that I have the GPA of a baked potato. I know that I am not lazy, I am not stupid, and this was NOT my own fault; I was sick and nobody knew. The signs were there, but how we view ADHD has changed entirely since I was a child! People still called it ADD. So why was it so hard to get diagnosed in this day and age?

The stigma has shifted into something far more dangerous than I’ve ever realized it was. I don’t hear “I have ADHD OO SHINY” jokes anymore, you know? We believe it to be a grossly overdiagnosed behavioral disorder meant to punish children for having a lot of energy. We wave it off, calling it the new tonsil removal surgery trend. Of the three types of ADHD; Predominantly Hyper-Impulsive, Predominantly Inattentive (that’s me!), and Combined Type; a mix of the two, there tends to be more stigmatized attention towards the hyper-impulsive type. We believe in what we see, breaking the first rule of mental illness: Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. 

This leaves those suffering from both inattentive type and combined type to rot. Attention deficiency itself doesn’t have much of a stigma because it isn’t even seen as having a seat at the ADHD table. This is catastrophic and will continue to destroy lives because people don’t feel hyper enough to even consider that they might have ADHD. In turn, those who are told to try harder, apply themselves, stop procrastinating, and to stop being so lazy do not receive the proper care they need. Those who suffer without treatment get worse over time; they lose confidence in themselves, they don’t start new things in fear of the inability to finish, they break promises to friends and family with the inability to follow through, damaging important relationships beyond repair. 

My confidence has been shattered. I was the artist who failed art class. College was never an option because I knew I’d go straight back to failing every class I took. I feel like I am a burden and the token “lost cause” of my family, the one everybody worries about because I’m not right in the head. I’ve grown to become a reclusive, bashful adult who struggles to make and answer phone calls and emails. ADHD devastated my life in deeper ways than my OCD, my PTSD, my anxiety or depression ever could. 

The number of diagnoses are going up because we can recognize it better. This is not a bad thing- science is evolving to show possible causes of the disorder itself. We know not to smoke while pregnant anymore, we know not to eat and drink high fructose corn syrup, we know not to sit in front of blue light screens all day, and we’ll continue to learn.

As soon as I started my medication, I was able to start taking care of myself and working again. The symptoms of my other mental illnesses began to let up, and I felt like a human being for the first time in my life. I have control over my own emotions- I can walk on the sidewalk with everyone else, I am free. 

However, it’s going to take the rest of my life to unlearn the methods I came up with to perform basic self-care functions. It will take many years to gain confidence in myself, to make phone calls without shaking or to even consider the thought of college, potato grades and all. But my mindset has transformed from “I can’t” to “Maybe I could try,” --a first for me. 

Question everything, don’t settle for the minimum, and don’t stop fighting. Thanks for reading this post. I'm hard at work on Propaganda part 2 and hope to post it on May 31st. See you then :-) 

TLDR: ADHD destroyed my life in ways my depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses never could. The stigma surrounding ADHD is shifting to become more dangerous than it has been in the past.  

We live in a society.

[popcultureoverdosed]

Big Order. Big Trainwreck

Being made from the creator of the utter monstrosity that is future diary, big order was bound to fail from the start. It's hard to find a writer who fails so hard at telling a story without any form of self-awareness. It's even more badly written than future diary but thankfully less annoying. The anime adaptation only expands on the flaws by adding new scenes that are even worse than what happened in the manga. This is what happens when you hire the creator of Boku no Pico( I'm dead serious) to write the script.

To be fair, the series did have the potential to be good. Eiji accidentally caused the apocalypse ( through a dumbly worded wish) and he has to cope with it as well as having to take care of his sister. Could've been a nice character-driven drama but nope The first episode/chapter was strong but things just go downhill from there.

The story lets the audience know early on that this is a post-apocalyptic setting but it barely plays a factor here. Characters still go to school and use their phones without any problem. Apparently, there's still enough resources to maintain government building and internet service. You'd only know that the city went through a disaster because of the generic scenery of destroyed buildings. Our protagonist is Eiji Hoshimiya, a sullen teen who's riddled with the guilt of causing the great disaster while having to look after his ill sister. How did he cause this great disaster? Some random mystical little girl called daisy appeared before him and granted his wish to save the world, which she somehow interpreted as destroying it.

He lives the normal high school life until he meets a transfer student named character named Rin. She invites herself to his apartment and kidnaps Sena as revenge for her dead parents. While her wanting to get revenge on Eiji after her parents died in the apocalypse is an interesting goal that's her all there is to her character. She acts angry and homicidal towards Eiji whenever she's not having forced as hell ship tease moments with him.  Their fight introduces the concept of orders, a blatant copy of the stand abilities form JoJo that represents the user's inner desires. Rin can use flames to heal from anything and Eiji can manipulate anything within a given radius. The aftermath of the battle results in Eiji accidentally ordering Rin to marry him and him getting drafted in a mysterious political organization called the group of ten.

What follows is a half baked story of political warfare as the group of ten use Eiji to gain dominance over Japan. Your manga is off to a great start when the main characters of nationalistic terrorists.

Nothing about the story or characters stood out. Things just happen and the audience is given no reason to care. How is it even possible to make a cast of superpowered individuals as boring as a brick wall? At least the cast of future diary could envoke emotion in me even if it was mostly annoyance. The only names here I remember are Eiji, Rin, and Sena and none of them are interesting at all. These people are just archetypes and tools used to move the garbage plot forward. There's a character called Daisy who's essentially a goddess but nobody questions her existence and her purpose is very poorly defined. Another character is Iyo who gets pregnant when Eiji touches her ears and tries to rape him in the anime cause she fell in love with his basic bland unseasoned chicken personality in a heartbeat. Said attempted rape never gets mentioned again after it happens. Not only is it offensively bad but if the genders were reversed, I'm sure male Iyo would be portrayed as a villain so seeing her get off scot-free is annoying. The creator's sexism resulted in writing females who only exist to pine after the basic male lead.

                                        Is this shit for real?

The anime also thought it was a good idea to add disgusting incest subtext that wasn't in the manga. Eiji and Sena have an implied sex scene and the show wants viewers to think they're in love. This was nothing more than the director and scriptwriter pleasuring themselves seeing as how said incest does absolutely nothing to develop the two and is never referenced again. Again, the lack of self-awareness and sexism is crazy.

Readers aren't given good explanations on character motivation at all. I read the manga and watched the anime but I still don't understand the reasoning behind most of these characters. A few people wanna take over the world and that's about it. Why has no one made a wish to undo the great destruction? Daisy grants wishes to random people and not one of them at least thought of restoring the world? When nobody has any solid motives or decent personalities, the plot will bomb. The story wouldn't have been this bad if the writer didn't try to make it complex. I would much rather have read a JoJo Esque battle shonen than this poor excuse of a story. At least then it would've been popcorn entertainment.

The most positive thing about the series was the stands er- I mean -orders. Many people complained that the powers were too op( they're not) and were confusing. One person even called Eiji one of the strongest characters in fiction which honestly made me laugh. Op powers are good when handled well but everything is shit here. There's also the music composed by Call Evan. It made wonderful use of jazz and "Dominate", Eiji's theme song is far too good for what this show deserves.

Eiji can control the environment and people around his perimeter with little restrictions yet he always gets his ass kicked. There are hundreds of ways he can win any given battle and he fails to use any of them. He can condense the air to make a shield but rarely uses that ability and never uses it to suffocate his enemies. He never commands enemies to attack themselves. To make it even worse, his power is a weakened form of his maximum potential and in the manga, he can fuse with other orders to get even stronger. Even then he still gets his ass handed to him😶😑🙄. The sheer lack of creativity from both the creator and character is just marvelous. How is it even possible to be this incompetent?

The other characters are no better. The leader guy of the has a rip-off order of kumagawa misogi's all fiction from medaka box. Fact from fiction ( even the names are similar) lets him negate events from reality. Unlike kumagawa who marvelously screws over the main cast from his manga with his ability, the leader guy doesn't advance the plot at all and does not have any noteworthy battles. You also have a guy who can atomize anything, a girl who shoots lasers, a man who can brainwash others and a terrorist who controls rocks. Besides the terrorist chick, none of these people use their abilities in innovative ways. The writer could've taken lessons from JoJo, one-piece and even law of Ueki( so underrated) when it comes to writing superpowers.

The endings of both anime and manga are around just as bad but the manga might be even worse. The anime has an inconclusive ending where the world no longer hates Eiji and he just goes to school. That's it. The climactic battle was him using the full power of his order to manipulate abstract concepts to create a world where Sena can be happy. I'm sure the writers didn't intend for Eiji's last order to be as op as I just described but it Is. He wishes for something abstract and it comes true which implies he would be able to manipulate other concepts. And yet, he doesn't do anything about the run-down world he lives in. For a post-apocalyptic setting, the apocalyptic event barely had any influence on the characters or plot.

The manga comes up with a dumbass plot twist that Sena was the one who caused the great destruction and Eiji was just covering up for her. She turns evil and tries to destroy the world cause she's evil. Eiji refuses to let anyone kill the potential mass murderer and constantly protects her. Did I mention Rin and Eiji and kinda low key dating at this point? Eiji faces sena in an anticlimactic battle followed by a 1-year time skip where their current fate is unknown. And people thought Naruto had a bad ending..... With how abrupt and lazily put together the ending was, I can't tell if the manga was canceled or the creator lost interest. Both options seem highly likely.

                             That’s his sister by the way. Cause incest was exactly what this show needed

With its bland characters, a nonsensical plot and poorly thought out powers, big order is a  clusterfuck of a show that continues to fade into obscurity. Even having a big name creator wasn't enough to keep it within the public eye. I was hoping for a so bad it's a good experience but this was just hot garbage. I give it a 4/10 for its bland character, muddy plot and terribly written romance. It only gets a four because the music and powers were pretty cool.

[cooking-with-endo]

My Experience: A Brief Introduction

My endometriosis journey has become more difficult over the last year. I have had increasingly painful periods for many years. I did not think much of it, as I figured that as we get older our periods might not be as light and easy as they were when we first get them. I got mine for the first time when I was a wee 11 years old. I fondly remember bleeding all over the seat in my 6th grade history class one day... 

I had tried various different birth control methods, not being able to stick with any one. I have no idea if one of them helped with endo. I’ve done the pill off and on several times, Nexplanon for about a year, and I had a hormonal IUD. I’d had sciatic nerve pain, lower back pain, shooting pains in my ovaries if I exercised too long, terrible period cramps, and digestive issues, but I never put any of these things together until a few months ago.

One Thursday this past October, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop studying for the LSAT when an absolutely horrific pain came over me on my left side. It was like nerve pain, muscle soreness, period cramp-y, just all around awful. I got so irritable because of it and all I wanted to do was take a hot bath but I had to get ready to get to work. I was working as a case manager at a homeless shelter at the time and I worked 1:30pm-10pm five days a week. The whole night at work was terrible. No amount of ibuprofen could fix what was going on. I had had pain in those areas before but not at all like this. Later that night I couldn’t even turn over in bed without being in agony. 

The next day my partner convinced me to call out of work. I really could not move. I decided to spend the day on the couch and just rest and do some research. I had my friend bring me some powerful edibles so I could just sleep through the day and hopefully get to work the next day. 

My research led me to believe I had an ovarian cyst. Now it was Saturday and the pain was getting worse. I went to urgent care where they did a transvaginal ultrasound - only to have inconclusive results. My ultrasound tech was an angel though and we bonded over vagina pains. They thought my IUD might have migrated and been brushing up against the inside of my uterus. That sounded plausible. So I went home and booked an appointment for Monday morning at Planned Parenthood to have my IUD removed. I did not take my time with decision making, I just wanted a quick fix for my pain.

The pain never went away. I had a follow up appointment at my PCP’s office, but not with my PCP. It was a male doctor I’d never met. He actually was the one who suggested this could be endometriosis. I was like, oh I guess that would make sense? I was also shocked to be taken seriously about something like this by a male doctor, so yay! I did more research and ultimately agreed with him. My PCP agreed with him too. 

Thus my exploratory journey of what-the-fuck-to-do-about-this officially began. The pain has only worsened with time since the IUD was removed, so it has become apparent to me several months later that the IUD was definitely not the issue, and it probably was not an issue at all. 

I saw a shitty nurse midwife in January who basically brushed off everything I said to her. She took me off my combined oral contraceptive, put me back on the progestin only pill, and referred me to pelvic floor physical therapy. I opted to try it, but also decided to never go back to see her again. 

I started doing pelvic floor physical therapy in February which was sort of helpful and I really loved my physical therapist. Then COVID-19 happened... so that was put on pause. We both agreed that it wasn’t a great long-term solution for me anyway. 

Also in February, I started noticing my birth control was causing awful mood swings. I have bipolar disorder II so I am familiar with mood imbalances, but this felt different. I was angry all day every day, and while working at a homeless shelter this is not really a good thing to have happen. I stopped taking it around Valentine’s Day and had the WORST period one could imagine, but my mood improved which was really all I wanted. I needed to prioritize getting through my work day and not wanting to scream at my clients or coworkers. 

After deciding to come off birth control, I decided to find a new OBGYN to talk about pain management with. The one I found for myself is incredible and I am very glad I opted to see her. She told me she would do whatever I wanted (get a new IUD, try Lupron, or get a laparoscopy) and I eventually decided to go for a laparoscopy. It was supposed to be April 29, and that obviously did not happen thanks to COVID-19. 

Fast forward to today, I am spending a lot more time than usual on self-care and self-nurturing. For me, this looks like really seriously paying attention to my body and my symptoms. This pandemic has allowed me to slow down and spend more time with myself. I am learning how to (attempt to) manage my endo pain via diet changes and exercise, as well as adapt my lifestyle. 

I have spent time recently looking into what I should be eating and what things I should be avoiding. I have never had a food allergy or any dietary restrictions, so this is completely new to me. I have developed what is most likely IBS and a lactose intolerance. Avoiding gluten, red meat, alcohol, lactose, etc. is a major lifestyle change but every day I am trying harder to be better to my body. 

I have found social media to be extremely helpful during this journey. There is no better way to learn about endo or feel less alone than to hear other people’s stories. I am going to use this page to share more about my experience. 

It is important to be accessible and realistic with sharing cooking tips or recipes. I don’t use elaborate recipes, hard to find ingredients, or cook many things that require standing for long periods of time. I also don’t want to dirty too many dishes because nothing irritates my lower back pain like doing the god damn dishes. I am learning how to utilize the crock pot, meal plan, and meal prep better. I am also using this to hold myself accountable for being more gentle with myself. It is okay to eat frozen pizza three days in a row if that’s all I can muster. It’s okay to indulge in gluten and alcohol if I feel like that’s what I need. I am a fat person and I am not here for anything related to weight loss. When possible, cooking and eating should be an enjoyable experience. The ultimate goal is just to get through the day. 

If you have read this entire post, I thank you very much. Most of my other posts will be much, much shorter and include more interesting things - like gluten free cookie recipes. 

Please send me your recipes as well! I want to hear from you. 

xx

Emma 

[shawnsvalentine]

forget me not

description: the illustrious India Karo is willing to do whatever it takes to escape the music industry

warning: language, mentions of mistreatment

word count: [1.3k]

author’s note: this is one of the weirdest most ~unorganized things i’ve ver written. someone please take my laptop away from me… this was literally inspired by the ashley o song, i don’t know how to explain myself. i have no idea if this is a potential series (probably) or what but enjoy!

“You think this is hard? I used to rehearse for thirty-six hours straight as a Rockette, that’s hard. Now from the top, otra vez!”

India couldn’t take it anymore, the sweat dripping down her sore muscles at yet another three a.m rehearsal for her upcoming tour. It couldn’t have been too bad if she hadn’t gone to sleep at twelve-thirty in the morning after four days of no sleep and back to back interviews. It was the worst era of her stardom to date, and she wanted nothing more than for it to end. It was the same exact shit from her team for the past three years and she wanted out by now. The name calling, the verbal— and sometimes physical— assault that seemed to come second nature to them. The constant scrutiny surrounding her eating habits: it was taking its toll on her.

Being a pop princess was not what India thought it was going to be, and she would give absolutely anything to go back to being the normal girl she was before her rise to fame. The YouTube video that changed it all was an everlasting regret of India’s that she spent every moment of every day trying to figure out how to undo: how on Earth could she turn back time.

It had been on her mind for a month or so before she finally decided to just say fuck it. The worst thing that could happen would probably result in her having to add a pathetic “April fools!” follow up if it blew up in her face. Even though it was June. She went about her normal routine whilst getting ready for bed, making her peace with the following day being completely chaotic. When she woke up, she didn’t rush to get showered or have breakfast, or even take her “megavitamins” that they’d been pumping her with for years. Instead. she took her time to enjoy what little time she had to herself before getting into character to play the role of a lifetime.

Her manager barged into her room unannounced, already shouting about thirteen different things she needed to wake the fuck up for. “Who the fuck are you?” India pushed back on the bed, shuffling away from the ‘stranger’ who had just stormed into a room. “Where the hell am I?”

“India, stop. Jesus Christ, that’s not fucking funny.”

“Get out or I’m calling the cops.” India reached for her locked phone and paused, clueless as to what the code was. She quickly pressed the home button to unlock the Emergency option, dialing 9-1-1 as fast as her fingers would allow.

“We literally don’t have time for this, India! Put the fucking phone down!”

She slid out of bed and grabbed a lamp, holding it between herself and Carlotta to keep her away. “Hi, my name is India Karo and there’s an intruder in my home.”

Breaking news: Popstar India Karo has amnesia. What should’ve been a regular day prepping for tour started out as her manager’s worst nightmare as she discovered that India had no clue who she was. Her family as well as her team have no further comment on the subject at this time, but they do appreciate the hopes and prayers.

India was flooded with a million things at once, a world of noise attacking her from every angle as they tried to make sense of the senseless. They were mourning the “loss of an icon” while she was celebrating the soon to be freedom of a regular young adult. Once the dust settled, she’d be able to go back her childhood home to figure out what she wanted to do now going forward. Maybe go to college, find something non-performance related that caught her attention, get the degree and settle down. As boring as a normal life sounded to her Nobu and champagne taste, she couldn’t help but crave it. If it meant no one was making her eat rice cakes, almonds, and ipecac, she loved the idea. 

(india.love.karo): shawnmendes has requested to follow you!

1 Message Request from Shawn Mendes

Hi! I heard about what happened to you and I just wanted to express how sorry I am. I’ve always been a fan of your music and I enjoyed meeting you (we’ve met before!) at the VMA’s last year. I’m assuming someone filled you in a little bit, if not this is awkward, on who you were. Well, are. It’s been a dream of mine to collaborate with you and I can’t believe we never got around to it. Let me know if you’d like to meet up for coffee! We barely know each other but maybe I could help xx

He felt a little silly writing it out and sending it to her, but he figured it was worth a shot. It was just such an odd story to hear and he felt terrible, wanted to help in any way he could. Shawn had only seen amnesia in TV show and movie plots, but knowing that an entire chunk of someone’s memories were erased in real life tugged at his heartstrings. Maybe India wouldn’t even respond, but at least he’d taken the initiative to do his part to help.

Meanwhile, India was losing her mind. The aftermath of talking to police and doctors and family members had driven her to exhaustion, and they finally left her alone. She regained the use of her phone— thank God her sister knew the password— and started to weed through the thousands of missed notifications that had accumulated throughout the day. The only ones she really cared about were the ones from Shawn Mendes on her (now private) Instagram.

She read the message over and over again until she was sure that she’d memorized it, the kind words and suggestion to hangout feeling her up with giddiness. She fakes amnesia and the Shawn Mendes wants to be her guardian angel? It made her sick to her stomach yet completely jovial all at once. The reality of the situation at hand started to settle in, that she had really gone though with her far too wild escape plot and it wasn’t going the way she planned at all.

India tossed her phone down on her bed as she closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing as the beginnings of a panic attack came on. This is your only way out, India. It’s either a life of amnesia or another three years of pain and torture. They’re never gonna let you out of that contract. She replayed the mantra on a loop as she rocked herself from side to side. The end of the nightmare was in sight. 

They met up a few days after he messaged her, at India’s favorite coffee shop because Shawn had read that familiar surroundings and routine was an important part of recovery. “Thank you for meeting me.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

He fell silent after, staring around at everything around them. “Sorry, if I’m being completely honest, I have no clue how to act right now.”

“It’s fine because neither do I.” They shared a laugh that eased some of the weird tension, falling into a conversation about their shared music interests, most of which were a tad older for India. It was weird for her, trying to keep up with conversation whilst simultaneously avoiding any subject matter whose timeline was unknown to her. She felt dumb trying to keep up with him, but he was more than understanding at her delayed answers and carefully cultivated answers. Of course she would need some time before just diving into topics somewhat inconclusive for her. 

It wasn’t long before Shawn had to jet, studio time or some meeting about the album he was working on. “Would you wanna... do this again? This has been fun and I’d love to hangout again. In a more private setting.” He lowered his voice for the last part, his eyes darting around to make sure no one heard him.

“I would love that.” It flew out of her mouth before she could even think about what getting closer to Shawn, or anyone, for that matter, truly meant. It meant risking them finding out the truth.

[protect-luther-hargreeves]

People saying Reginald loved Luther the most really need to shut the fuck up. Like? Have you been watching the same show?? I deadass saw someone say that Luther “Went through literally nothing!” and I am fucked off. So here is a quick list of all the shitty things Reginald did to Luther that I wrote while high as fuck on caffeine and sleep deprived as hell. 

1.) Tattoo

Now. I get that they all (save Vanya) had to get the tattoos. I even get that it wasn’t supposed to be a punishment. However. It serves as an example of Luther’s shitty childhood, because no matter how you look at it, he was forced to get a painful tattoo at age 13 by his father. That’s abuse. I get that they all had to get the tattoo, but already your arguments against Luther are invalid because he was evidently abused. His childhood wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t an invulnerable golden boy, he was abused just like the other siblings.

2.) His body transformation.

This is the thing that bothers me the most about this fandom.The blatant body shaming. It’s such a large part of the culture of this fandom and it’s barely acknowledged. All the pictures of overstuffed teddy bears, and calling Luther “monkey boy” and every single fucking meme about him just like “go back to the moon ape man uwu” that make me fucking sick to my stomach. I literally have never encountered a fandom where body shaming is so fucking common that no one bats an eye when a character straight up calls someone a monster because of their body. I understand not liking Luther as a character, that’s totally fine. Having opinions and preferences is not what I have issues with. The problem is when you use those opinions as an excuse to invalidate traumatic experiences. When it comes to the moon memes, I get pissed off, obviously, because it’s pretty shitty. But in the grand scheme of things, there probably aren’t many people who relate to that or see themselves in it. The body shaming however? I know so many people who identify with that, including myself. That scene, where Luther is shirtless and staring at himself in the mirror? I felt that shit. I related so fucking hard. So when people make fun of his body insecurity (yes I have seen it happen) I get sort of personally offended. I saw someone on twitter who said that he went through nothing except “oh i’m a monkey now” and I was like??? Even if that were true, that’s a pretty big fucking thing to go through. Luther is honestly so strong, because I don’t know if I would have been able to handle that. This got away from me a bit, considering this was supposed to be about Reginald, but I feel like it needed to be said.

However, a bit of a counterpoint to my main thesis, I don’t think we can actually call this abusive. Let me be clear, Reginald is a bad father. He is abusive. There is no denying this, but as much as the fandom wants to make him into a two dimensional cardboard cutout, he is more complex than that. It’s easy to classify someone as all bad, but its rarely the truth. And although what Reginald did to Luther was shitty, (in this particular instance) I don’t think it was necessarily abusive. Because he did it to save Luther’s life. I want to say that it was just a shitty thing to do, that he shouldn’t have done that experimental procedure on Luther without his consent, but it’s not that black and white. If it had been me, and I was about to die, my mother definitely would have done whatever it took to keep me alive. Because she loves me. And she is the furthest thing from abusive. Therefore, because we aren’t explicitly shown why Reginald did what he did, unfortunately it can’t count towards the overall argument. Make no mistake, I’m not defending what he did. I think, based off his character, its actually pretty likely that it was an abusive action. Because intent changes things. And a reasonable hypothesis would be that Reginald only saved Luther because he needed him, and not because he loves him, but because we aren’t privy to what his intentions were, the evidence is inconclusive. I’d say we can mark this down as a possibly, but I’m being pretty generous in an attempt to be fair.

3.) The moon

Now, what I’ve been waiting for the whole time. This, unlike the previous point, is without a doubt a demonstration of Reginald’s abuse towards Luther. He had just performed an experiment on Luther that changed his body forever without his consent, leaving Luther struggling and insecure. So does he help his son through this? Nope, he yeets him to the moon. Isolation is one of the things that seriously fucks with someone’s head, and I know its often overlooked because of Five’s 45 years in the apocalypse, but it’s impossible not to have some hangups about 4 years of isolation. Trauma isn’t a competition, and if any of the antis actually bothered to analyze the show, they would notice that the first time Luther actually talks about his trauma, he says “I only spent 4 years on the moon”, literally minimizing his own trauma like so many toxic members of the fandom, and yet everyone seems to think that he can’t stop ranting about his bad experiences and never shuts up about his trauma. 

Second, the picture of Luther’s notes to his father. I know a lot of people are just talking about how Luther is apparently a poet, which I love, but I think the thing really worth analyzing is the note that clearly states “PLEASE! SEND! MORE! FOOD!” because has anyone realized the implications of this? Let m break it down, there are two possible conclusions that can be drawn based on the evidence. Number one: (lol, get it?) the more likely scenario, Reginald frequently forgets to send Luther food, therefore he feels he has to remind him. This is utterly heartbreaking, because it also shows how Reginald was willing to essentially punt Luther up to the moon with promises of doing some good, and then almost forget about him entirely. And yet, some people still don’t think Luther was abused?

Number two: At some point Reginald did something that lead Luther to believe he wouldn’t send food without prompting. This is unlikely, but is possible. It is possible that throughout childhood, Reginald was neglectful to the point where Luther assumed that he wouldn’t send food without a reminder. Like I said, this is unlikely, not because Reginald wasn’t neglectful, but because at that point Luther still worshiped his father as a result of the brainwashing, and therefore probably wouldn’t assume the worst of him. 

In conclusion:

I’m sure there are more easter eggs throughout the show that indicate Reginald’s abuse towards Luther, but its 3AM and honestly I can’t be bothered to find them. Feel free to comment if I missed anything. I just got really fucking sick of the fandom making light of Luther’s trauma, and even saying that he wasn’t abused when he clearly was. I’m not saying he had it the worst, but I am saying that he had it bad, just like everyone else. Claiming that he didn’t go through anything just because you don’t like him personally is ignorant and stupid. This has been a PSA.

[phinnsyreads]

Item #: SCP-057

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Site-57 has been constructed to facilitate SCP-057 as relocation is not feasible. It is highly improbable that any outside knowledge of the artifact exists based on the circumstances of its discovery and thus security is of minimal concern. No containment procedures are required other than the prevention of unauthorized access. All research will be delegated to Dr. Lewis and Dr. Walston unless further specified.

Due to the irretrievability of those placed inside SCP-057, access will be granted with the approval of no fewer than two (2) members of O5.

Description: SCP-057 is a subterranean chamber with an approximate cylindrical height of three (3) meters and diameter of eighteen (18) meters. Artifact is comprised of impenetrable slate-coloured stone. Inside the chamber are dozens of parallelepiped monoliths extending from floor to ceiling that slide in various directions while SCP-057 is active. It was discovered several meters below █████ on ██/██/████ during the construction of a secure containment enclosure for SCP-███. Consequently, SCP-███ was assigned an alternate location at Site-██.

An entrance to the chamber is located on the north-east side. When a human enters, the door shuts and the walls inside the chamber move in such a way as to require the subject's constant attention to maintain a safe course through the artifact. The monoliths slowly open and close until the subject either surrenders or exhausts themselves, at which time SCP-057 crushes them and reverts to its original, inactive state after a period of approximately twenty (20) seconds. This process lasts only as long as the subject inside SCP-057 is alive and has proven to take days. Extended testing proposals to gauge the limits of the artifact have been discouraged. All tests on animals, machines, and cadavers have proven futile. Only a living human being is able to initiate this process upon entering SCP-057.

Incident 057-1: During the excavation of the artifact, a worker employed by the Foundation for the unearthing process entered the chamber without permission at roughly 12:57 AM on ██/██/████. Upon entering the artifact the door shut and a dull rumble began to emanate from the chamber. Standard lockdown procedure was initiated and all personnel in the vicinity were evacuated. A Remote Operated Vehicle (ROV) was deployed in order to safely determine the cause of the event and to gauge any possible threat of SCP-057. Aside from the rumbling noises produced during the event, no anomalous effects outside of the artifact were observed. At 4:32 AM of the following day, SCP-057 suddenly shut down and returned to its original state as the door shifted back into its open position. At 5:32 AM, the area was declared safe and the excavation process was completed without further incident. The worker in question was never recovered.

Experiment Log 057-1: A controlled experiment for the purpose of exploring the interior of SCP-057 was requested by Drs. Lewis and Walston on ██/██/████ and approved shortly thereafter by O5 Council. D-1021 was equipped with a radio able to send and receive transmissions to and from the Doctors. Upon entering the chamber the artifact behaved as expected with the door abruptly shutting behind D-1021. The following is the recording of the communication between Dr. Lewis, Dr. Walston and D-1021.

[BEGIN LOG]

D-1021: Hey, you didn't tell me the door would close. Can you open it again? This place gives me the heebie-jeebies. Dr. Lewis: Negative, please proceed as advised and describe your surroundings. D-1021: Okay... Well, there are a bunch of stone columns in here, and they keep rearranging their positions. I… Dr. Walston: D-1021? What is your status? D-1021: Damn column snuck up on me. They’re moving around, arranging themselves so they… [Pause] Dr. Walston: What is it? D-1021: The columns behind me are closing up. The ones ahead of me are spreading out… I don't like this. [Inaudible] can't see the door anymore. Dr. Lewis: Stay calm. Move with the columns and you'll be fine. D-1021: If I stand still, they'll crush me. I have to keep moving or they’ll crush me. [Seventeen seconds of silence] How long am I gonna be in here? Dr. Walston: It'll be over soon, you're doing fine. Just keep moving. D-1021: But what if I’m trapped in here? I… [D-1021 begins to hyperventilate] I'm trapped and they're gonna crush me and- Dr. Lewis: D-1… Hey, listen! Get a hold of yourself. The columns will eventually lead you to an exit. Please relax and continue. [Subject calms down noticeably] D-1021: So... there’s an exit? Thank god. I was scared there for a minute that I’d never-

[Transmission is momentarily cut by Dr. Walston]

Dr. Walston: We don’t know there’s an exit, why would you say that?

Dr. Lewis: Why would you say it would be over soon?

[Dr. Walston resumes transmission. D-1021 had continued to speak.]

D-1021: -I can do this, I can do this. Dr. Walston: Yep, keep it up and you'll be right as rain. You're doing a great job. You'll... have no trouble making parole once this is over. [The experiment continues without incident for another forty-one (41) minutes. At this point, D-1021 becomes noticeably distressed again.] D-1021: I saw how big this place is from the outside. Am I going in a circle? Dr. Lewis: Negative. Continue to proceed through the opening columns. You should find the exit- D-1021: There is no fucking exit! You bastards trapped me in here and now I'm fucking… trapped! [Subject begins to hyperventilate again] Dr. Walston: You are not trapped, D-1021. Continue to the exit or you will be forced to- D-1021: Forced to what!? There's nothing you can do to me I'm gonna fucking die I'm gonna die- Dr. Lewis: D-1-0-2-1! Panicking will only exacerbate your situation. Focus! [D-1021 breaks into tears. She continues to cry for the next two (2) hours as she makes her way through the columns and does not reply to any questions. Eventually, the crying ceases] D-1021: So this is it. [Deep exhalation] I’m gonna die. I guess I’ll just stop and close my eyes. Maybe it won’t be so bad. [Several seconds of silence] I can’t. I can’t. I can’t, I can’t. I can't. [D-1021 continues to repeat this. Eventually she trails off and falls silent] Dr. Walston: D-1021? [D-1021 stops in her tracks, Faint sobbing is audible] Dr. Walston: D-1021, proceed through the room as advised! D-1021: I.. I… [D-1021’s gentle sobbing abruptly cuts off. Brief, loud cracking and snapping sounds are heard before the transmission is lost.]

[END LOG]

Strangely, D-1021 did not report any sightings of the remains of the excavation worker lost in Event 057-1. Accordingly, no efforts were made for the recovery of D-1021’s remains. As a result of this inconclusive data, reclassification of SCP-057 to Euclid is pending.]

===

[The voice of D-1021 was provided by @mezzoprime.] [The voice of Dr. Lewis was provided by Brittany Carlton.] [The voice of Dr. Walston was provided by Breck Wilhite.]

===

[Enjoy the podcast? Consider supporting us on Patreon! Patrons get access to bonus Joke episodes, outtakes, and can even request episodes on specific SCP objects.]

[chrisbbaegopayo]

Hold Your Breath (Stray Kids: Stalker AU) ➻ Chapter 3 (part 2)

....

Genre: Thriller, Angst, Gore, Mystery, Suspense Characters: All of Stray Kids, reader, OCs. Word Count: 2.1k Warning: This story will contain elements of gore, on- and off-screen abuse, torture, mental illness, and stalking. It will feature themes that are not suitable for all ages, readers' discretion is advised. Each chapter will have its own specific warning.

My life got the better of me. More on that at the bottom.

Chapters: Premise | 01 Prologue | 02 Chapter one | 03 Chapter two | Chapter three (part 1) | Chapter three (part 2)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She desperately wanted to tell him about the letter, and as a result of the internal debate, she brought it up with Jisung. The earlier established relaxed air was out like a candle, as a more serious tone slowly sunk in. Jisung didn’t say anything for a long time, which left her feeling rather uncomfortable—she wasn’t sure whether he had been angry at her or angry in general at the progress of things.

Fortunately, Jisung saved her the trouble by speaking up, asking her whether she had actually submitted the concern request, or complaint, as she sheepishly replied with a shake of her head. Although Jisung had told her before to go through with filing the complaint, she didn’t actually have a lot of time, being the first week of the school semester and all. She did tell him that she would go through with it the next day—she only had one class the next day, which meant she could easily hop on to the administration offices to file the complaint.

Jisung seemed pretty content with that but had her tell him what went on so that he could stop worrying. And she was inclined to do so, as she really felt like her entire stalker ordeal had made Jisung grow grey hairs or something.

Jisung left after a while, and even though she suggested that she should at least walk him out to where the gate was, he told her that he would be fine, and would text her when he had made it home. She nodded and watched him disappear into the sunset through her window while waving absentmindedly in his direction.

But what caught her eye was the little glimmer—she didn’t know what it was, but it was unsettling, and so she closed off her curtain swiftly, opting to look out to the open through a crack through her blinds.

What was that?

Although she felt unsettled by whatever it was out there, her mind raced and thought of Jisung, who was out there, alone. She quickly sent a text to him, asking him to be careful, and he replied back with, “you’re telling me?”

In the next few seconds, another incoming text from Jisung showed up, which read, “ok, I will be careful.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, before sending an outgoing text to him, saying, “remember to text me when you get home!!” And was given a brief response of, “got it.”

Perhaps that eased her heart a little bit. But then again, something Jisung said made her question herself—why would she be telling him about that when she was the one being bombarded with gifts? Surely, the creepy stalker wouldn’t threaten her friends and family, would they…?

She shook her head. The uneasiness that resulted from that inconclusive deduction made her feel as though she should be on her guard, especially with her friends, but…she really needed to stop watching horror and mystery films. It was going to give her a bad case of overthinking and insomnia if she kept on going with thining too much.

She opted for some quiet studying time, and after an hour or two of productive reading, she turned off her lights and headed to bed.

Sometime in the night, the glimmer went away, presumably packed away…

>>>>>

She did end up filing the complaint after her class of the day. It didn’t take her long to make it to the administration’s office, despite being on the other side of the campus. The lady at the counter gave her a strange look, although not entirely skeptical, but more of a worried glance than anything.

She seemed content about her situation, as she handed the slip of paper off to the desk lady, who told her that the complaint would find its way to the security office. She thanked the lady, and walked off, feeling proud of herself.

Finally.

However, when the security officer got in late afternoon, the mountains of papers and previous complaints and piled up so tremendously that her complaint simply got lost in the pile. It was as though the report had never been filed in the first place, and as it got caught with some useless papers on the desk, it was tossed into the shredder without a second thought.

And with that, yn’s attempt to save herself was thwarted by the actions of a careless and overworked security officer.

The day after, she had gotten ready to attend her criminology tutorial, she met Hyunjin standing outside the classroom. She greeted him with a small wave and was given one in return as they briefly exchanged pleasantries before the doors of the class opened, revealing the teaching assistant standing by the doorframe.

She, along with Hyunjin and a bunch of other students waiting outside quickly made their way into the class, where they all found themselves a seat and settled down. She ended up sitting next to Hyunjin, who then looked over at her, and smiled.

“He seems like a pretty friendly guy,” the raven-haired boy whispered, and she giggled in return.

“I hope so,” she whispered back.

Seemed like the teaching assistant had caught a glimpse of their exchange, and smiled confidently at the small group of student.

“Seems like some of you know each other…” He began, although his smile had been upgraded into a small chuckle.

What caught them off guard was the fact that a guy who looked like he was merely in his mid-twenties had the voice of a guy who was in his…40s? Maybe Hyunjin’s initial assumptions of the guy weren’t accurate after all. But the teaching assistant seemed pretty laid back in the way he talked, so…

“I’ll introduce myself first—I’m Felix Lee,” the teaching assistant said. “And I will be your TA for the criminology course tutorial. I have a master’s degree on the subject, and working towards getting my Ph.D., which centers around the psychology of victimhood in criminology.”

He paused, and then started off again, saying, “I know it may be a mouthful, but I assure you that it will get easier once you get into it. My field is the act of victimization of the victim in a crime.”

He received collective “oh” from the class.

Felix laughed and got on with the class. He discussed the material that was covered during the lecture and did an in-depth analysis for those who were still unsure of what was going on. Of course, people still had some issues with certain terminologies, but Felix was able to comb through the confusion with some everyday examples, bringing the class to the same page.

“Don’t forget to review materials beforehand so you’ll be prepared with the questions that you may have regarding the topic of the week,” Felix told them. "If that’s all for today, then you’re free to go—don’t forget that you’re all free to send me an email should you have any problems!"

There was a collective “ok” before they all shuffled their way out the door.

Hyunjin looked back at her, as she grabbed her bag and made her way to the exit. “You have any more classes after this?”

She shook her head. “You?”

He shrugged. “I have a three-hour break before my next tutorial.”

“Oh, that’s cool—what is it for?”

He thought about it, and then responded with, “I think some liberal arts course.”

She laughed. “You don’t know?”

He shrugged again. “It was an elective, they chose it for me, I think. I just got shoved in some random class that was required for my program. The other courses that you must take in order to graduate? I still need some liberal arts credit this year.”

She nodded. “Right, right. I think I have to do that for next year, it’s kind of bad for me to have to push everything to the last minute, huh.”

Hyunjin laughed. “Hopefully not all the time…”

She shook her hands. “No, I’m usually not like this…I’ve been mostly on top of things, although course selection doesn’t always work in your favour, and there is some overlap which causes some problem.”

Hyunjin nodded. “Yeah, I had a problem like that last year, which is why I was saddled with this liberal arts course this year—anyway, do you want to visit the small cafe that just opened near campus?”

She looked excited at the idea. “Yes! That sounds like a good idea!”

The pair made their way to the newly opened cafe, and spread their course material on top of the little table they were sitting at and studied together for a little bit until the conversation veered mostly off course. After talking about courses, they talked about ambitions, future jobs, as well as hobbies.

The conversation lasted a whole two hours—it didn’t really feel all too long. She found out through the exchange more about his parents, his background. When it came to his hobbies, he didn’t elaborate very much, just that he enjoyed reading sometimes, movies, and certainly other everyday hobbies that people tend to have.

What confused her, though, was the fact that he never really branched further regarding those details, merely just ‘I like this,’ or ‘I like that,’ and it threw her a little off. Perhaps he didn’t feel too comfortable sharing so much with her, but then again, it wasn’t really her place to say anything or comment. Instead, she talked about her own hobbies, entertainment preferences, and he listened, rather content with just listening to her talk.

After she went home for the day, and hopped on her couch, intending to relax, she received a text message. She hoped that it would be from Jisung or Sooji, but it was from Hyunjin, who said that he enjoyed their time at the cafe, and looked forward to their next interaction.

Although he didn’t put it like that, exactly. It was more like, “I had fun today, let’s do this again.”

It seemed a lot like the conversation two people on a date would have…

…no no no no. That was embarrassing. She swore she could feel her cheeks heat up, what an awkward thought, seriously.

Furthermore, her stalker seemed rather silent—this meant that she could focus on her work, hopefully. And for the next two months, it stayed like that until she received a text message one evening that made her feel truly unsafe.

It was an image of her—rather, a series of images of her—as they flooded her messages. Each picture was taken in a span of a few days, as it was evident with the clothes she wore, and which path she took to campus. Sometimes she considered herself lucky to live relatively close to the school, but this might not work to her advantage this time around.

She only scrolled through maybe 15 of them when she started seeing other people in the pictures, and most of the pictures that weren’t of her alone were her with Jisung. There were a few with Hyunjin in them, and one with Sooji.

This meant that he followed her. He knew where she lived. He knew which path she took to the university campus. Who she associated herself with, who her friends were.

And if she thought these were bad enough, the pictures she was set later on were even more disturbing. Maybe the creepy stalker had enough smarts to not be identified, but a gloved hand was seen in the ones that were seen later on. She guessed that maybe the hand belonged to her stalker, as they were position in very threatening ways.

When the images finally flooding her phone, she was sent one message:

“Why do you always spend time with them, why, why…I wish I could get rid of them so you’ll only see me…wouldn’t that be nice, yn? If we were the only people left in the world—you would have no one else to hold on to...”

This was the first time her name was actually mentioned in any exchange she had with him. The first one. And somehow, it felt even more personal than before. It was a rude awakening that this had become something far more than she could ever handle.

But she honestly did not know what to do, what else could she do? Create a fortress out of her home? What if her stalker knew how to pick locks? Or even knew how to do things without leaving a shred of evidence?

She thought of calling Jisung but stopped herself before she could dial the numbers. That might cause more trouble...after all, wasn’t her stalker threatening her…?

What on earth did he want…?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My life got the better of me again, as I’m kinda dealing with some personal issues. I swear to make it up by posting some all the character’s backstories, histories, as well as other things. I also ended up in a rabbit hole of research materials...not a criminology major, so I had to do some extra research for that...as well as future research for other things...I’m basing the course structure on some of the syllabi I was able to find online, taking it mostly from Waterloo U’s criminology intro course...

I am going to be picking up the pace a little after this, as the following chapters will be advancing a much faster rate...I think I got too caught up with the details and I need to stop doing that to myself. I’m also veering off course with my original plot, but I think I need to make some small changes in terms of how things happen and give myself a motivation to write chaptered stories...

If things aren’t consistent...I’m not used to writing chaptered stories...I blame myself for not writing out a clear character profile...

[daesungindistress]

Okay but let me just say real quick that if there’s one thing that gives me hope, it’s that this isn’t the first time Daesung has been under intense pressure for something he didn’t necessarily do. He survived it before and there’s no reason to think he can’t do it again.

In 2011 he was branded a monster and a murderer, thanks to the media who pushed the “murderer Daesung” angle hard, as if he meant to hurt someone in a tragic accident. There was a months-long investigation over something he didn’t even know at the time if he’d done -- and even though the results were inconclusive and charges were dropped in the end, he had to go on not knowing for sure whether or not he had, though unintentionally, taken another person’s life. And if he’s anything like me, that uncertainty is worse than knowing. At least if you know you can work toward finding closure, begin to make peace with it, and start to move on.

Yet even not knowing, he assumed responsibility and took steps to make amends. He attended the man’s funeral and spoke with his family multiple times -- said they were “rightfully angry” at him at first, but soon softened toward him. They said they wanted to pray and forgive. I think that with time, Daesung was able to do the same.

If he truly wasn’t involved in this and in his heart he knows it, I believe he can survive this too. He is stronger now than he was back then. He has so much more to live and work for. All he had before was BIGBANG. Now he has his solo career, and in Japan no less. Four tours including a Dome Tour, several albums and mini-albums, the only foreign male solo artist besides Michael Jackson to have back-to-back #1 albums, and a national holiday in his name. Whatever happens in Korea, his fanbase in Japan loves and adores him. And he loves and adores singing. He’s said it again and again: it’s all there is for him.

He will not give that up so easily.

[lupine-publishers-sjpbs]

Lupine Publishers | Psychology And Behavioral Sciences Lupine Publishers | Synthesis of New Oxazin Compounds Derived from Furfural, Chalcons and Schiff Bases

Abstract

Objective: Based on the biopsychosocial model, we developed a paradigm to explore if music therapy (MT) is effective in increasing the well-being of persons with dementia.

Method: A randomized controlled trial, mixed method design was used. Twenty-seven persons with moderate/severe dementia split into an experimental (n = 16; MT and standard care) and a control (n = 11; standard care only) group were subjected to a cycle of MT weekly sessions for five months. Quantitative levels of salivary cortisol, health status (body functioning and structures and health-related states), and outcome measures (psycho-behavioral disturbances and quality of life) were associated with qualitative analysis of the participants’ behavior during MT sessions.

Results: The study showed that MT is effective in reducing psycho-behavioral disturbances and maintaining a good quality of life. No apparent effects were found with respect to the level of salivary cortisol. Qualitative analysis is very effective for obtaining information on patient behavior during the MT.

Conclusions: The paradigm was suitable to integrate quantitative and qualitative data on the effectiveness of MT interventions.

Keywords: Dementia; Music Therapy; Quality of Life; Geriatric Assessment; Biopsychosocial Model, Cortisol

Introduction

The effectiveness of music therapy (MT) in the management of behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia (BPSD) is well documented in the literature [1-8]. However, evidence for the efficacy of MT in dementia is still inconclusive [9]. The lack of evidence-based practice in MT for dementia has been noted by several scholars [10-13], who also found methodological limitations across the studies [5,14,15].and biases due to unspecified criteria in participant selection to the studies, small sample size, lack of randomization and blinded evaluation, group dissimilarity at baseline, no test-retest studies, and lack of a control group [16]. Researchers must face a twofold challenge:

a. adopt a research method able to mix quantitative and qualitative data that come from the interacting and complex domains of human functioning and affect the progressive and unpredictable course of dementia;

b. select a homogenous sample able to be representative of the studied condition (dementia), so different from individual to individual. With regard to the first point, according to the geriatric medicine, the health status of older people with dementia and therefore the effectiveness of the MT should be evaluated using the Comprehensive Geriatric Assessment (CGA) [17]. This multidimensional, multidisciplinary diagnostic instrument was designed to collect data on the medical, psychosocial, and functional capabilities and limitations of older patients. The geriatric assessment differs from a standard medical evaluation because it takes into account also nonmedical domains emphasizing functional ability and quality of life. So, the CGA is very compatible with the International Classification of Functioning, Disability, and Health (ICF) based on the biopsychosocial model [18].

In fact, both the CGA and the biopsychosocial model are focused on human functioning as a person–environmental interaction and integrating medical, psychological, and social models of human functioning. As it was highlighted [19,20], the CGA and ICF models include similar assessment domains: health condition, body functions and structures, activities, participation, and contextual factors, and share a common approach to the assessment of the person as a whole within the context of both person’s capacities and expectations and supportive resources of the environment. The second challenge posed to researchers is strongly correlated to the first one. Because of the large number of variables affecting the health status of people with dementia and the substantial individual differences in the course of dementia, the scholar should remain cautious in generalizations, provide clear patient anamnestic descriptions, and develop a longitudinal design to control individual variability in the course of the disease to control what characterizes individual history with respect to the effectiveness of the MT intervention [3]. Innovative paradigms and research protocol have been recently presented and mixed method [21]. have been used in order to capture MT effects.

Study Paradigm

To overcome those challenges, the present study developed a paradigm to assess the effectiveness of an MT treatment in people with moderate/severe dementia, by adopting a biopsychosocial and CGA perspective. A mixed method randomized controlled trial experiment was designed to gather quantitative data on cognitive reserve, severity of dementia, comorbidity, cognitive and physiological functions, and psychological functioning and behavior, and qualitative data involving the phenomenological observation of the MT interventions.

Expected Results

Go toTo dispose of a paradigm able to study music therapy effects in participants with dementia. To demonstrate the usefulness of our paradigm to explore if MT is effective, we expect to observe the following results

a) Those who receive MT should have a lower level of BPSD, as measured by the Neuropsychiatric Inventory (NPI), Cohen- Mansfield Agitation Inventory (CMAI), and Cornell Scale for Depression in Dementia (CDS) than the control group.

b) This result was expected from studies founding that MT is useful for the management of BPSD in older people with dementia [2,9,22].

c) Those receiving MT will have a higher quality of life (QOL) than those in the control group.

d) QOL was identified as a central goal in the treatment of dementia [11,23]. This result will replicate previous studies that correlated MT with QOL of people with dementia [1,9,12,15].

e) Those receiving MT will have a lower level of salivary cortisol, indicative of a lower level of stress, than those in the control group.

f) This result will replicate a previous study by Suzuki et al. [24]. who found a diminished secretion of cortisol correlated with positive psychological well-being in people with dementia.

g) Those receiving MT will be able to recognize nonverbal signs.

h) This result will replicate previous studies finding that MT is effective for expanding group participation, archaic expressive, and relational nonverbal abilities in those with moderate/severe dementia [2,25].

Method

Participants

The study was a mixed method single-blinded randomized controlled trial performed in two Italian nursing homes. The protocol was approved by the Bioethics Committee of the University of Perugia (MUSIC14). Inclusion and exclusion criteria were established by a consensus of experts (geriatricians and psychologists). Inclusion criteria were:

a. Diagnosis of Alzheimer or vascular dementia or mixed dementia, defined according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-IV-TR criteria (DSM-IV [26];

b. Moderate or severe stage of dementia according to the Clinical Dementia Rating [27]: score from 2 to 3;

c. Scores between 0 and 20 on the Mini Mental State Examination [28].

Exclusion criteria were;

I. Wandering;

II. Diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia;

III. Diagnosis of Levy body dementia;

IV. Vegetative state;

V. Use of corticosteroids.

Informed consent was obtained from proxies.

Experimental (EG) and control groups (CG) were formed in the nursing homes. CG participants from each nursing home were treated with usual activities (group games, arts, motor or sensorial stimulation). EG participants were also involved in the usual activities when not involved in music therapy. S.F., not involved in the assessment, randomly assigned participants to CG or EG. A simple randomization was used.

Experimental Condition

The program consisted of 20 MT sessions: once a week for 60 min. per session over 5 months. The model of the intervention [29] belongs to the humanistic MT [30-32] The MT intervention can be ascribed among the active techniques, characterized by direct interactions with participants using musical improvisation with the aim of stimulating communication skills, improving relational abilities, and reducing BPSD [33]. The intervention was conducted in a structured therapeutic setting, in a large and quiet room of the nursing home where participants dwelled. Music therapy was conducted by a professional music therapist together with a formal caregiver of the nursing home. Number of participants was 10 in a nursing home and 6 in the other.

Measures

Quantitative and qualitative data were collected in the manner summarized in Table 1. These measures consisted of the following:

Table 1: Timetable of experimental procedure and timing of measures collection.

 ADCS–ADL = Alzheimer Disease Cooperative Study-Activities of Daily Living; CDR = Clinical Dementia Rating Scale; CDS = Cornell Depression Rating Scale; CIRS-s/c = Cumulative Illness Rating Scale severity/comorbidity; CMAI = Cohen–Mansfield Agitation Inventory; CO = salivary cortisol level; grey = MT sessions; Microanalysis = sessions video analyzed; MMSE = Mini Mental State Examination (row score); NPI = Neuropsychiatric Inventory; QOL–C = Quality of Life Alzheimer Disease caregiver version; QOL–P = Quality of Life Alzheimer Disease patient version; S = music therapy session; T = month of the experimental phase; WHODAS 2.0 = World Health Organization Disability Assessment Schedule 2.0.

I. Clinical Interview on Socio-Demographic and Clinical Data (C–Int): An interviewer asked participants questions about cultural person capital (cognitive reserve index), medical history, and pharmacological treatment.

II. Cortisol Biological Marker (CO): The measure of salivary cortisol level (CO) was performed on unstimulated whole saliva collected from passive drooling. Unstimulated whole saliva is the baseline saliva present in the oral cavity for the majority of a 24– hour period. To avoid variations due to circadian rhythm, saliva specimens were taken at a fixed time, immediately before the MT session (10 a.m.) and immediately after the session (11 a.m.) in both groups.

III. Cumulative Illness Rating Scale (CIRS) [34]: It is a summary measure of illness severity (CIRS-s) and comorbidity (CIRS-c).

IV. Clinical Dementia Rating (CDR) [27]: is a global staging measure of dementia.

V. Mini Mental State Examination (MMSE) [28]: This is the most commonly used screening test of cognitive functions.

VI. Alzheimer Disease Cooperative Study-Activities of Daily Living (ADCS-ADL) [35]: This is an inventory to assess activities of daily living for clinical trials in dementia.

VII. World Health Organization Disability Assessment Schedule 2.0 (WHODAS 2.0) [36,37]: Generic assessment instrument to provide a standardized cross-cultural method for measuring activity limitations and participation restrictions, largely employed in geriatric settings [38]. The Italian 12-item version of the WHODAS 2.0 interviewer-administered proxy form was used [37]. The simple scoring option was adopted [36].

VIII. Neuropsychiatric Inventory (NPI) [39]: assesses neuropsychiatric disturbances common in dementia together with the amount of caregiver distress engendered by each of the neuropsychiatric disorders.

IX. Cornell Scale for Depression in Dementia (CDS) [40]: Clinician-administered instrument that uses information from interviews with both the patient and an informant to evaluate depression in dementia. It was also validated in patients with moderate to severe dementia [41].

X. Cohen-Mansfield Agitation Inventory (CMAI) [42]: In this questionnaire, caregivers rate the frequency of manifestations of agitated behaviors in elderly persons. The Italian 30-item proxy version [43,44]. was administered.

XI. The Quality of Life – Alzheimer’s Disease scale (QOL– AD) [45]: Developed for individuals with dementia, it comprises both a version for the person with dementia (QOL–P) and a version for the caregiver (QOL–C).

XII. Microanalysis on MT sessions’ Video Clips (Microanalysis) [46,47]: This is a five-step procedure for video analysis to investigate the communicative response of a specific client in a music therapy treatment. A consensus of experts (music therapist and psychologist) developed criteria to identify the patient’s and music therapist’s salient behaviors (e.g., when the patient joins in singing, plays, smiles, shows a gaze orientation, spontaneously moves their body, etc.) during MT intervention (videotaped). A trained group of psychology students analyzed the video of the MT sessions. Starting from the results of this analysis, the music therapist composed a video clip consisting of the most salient moments of the therapy of each participant. The microanalysis provides a clear distinction between description, observation, personal reflections, and interpretations of the clip content. The assessment measures (CDR, MMSE, ADCS–ADL, NPI, CDS, CMAI) were adopted to comprehensively cover the geriatric assessment domains of the CGA [17], in fact these are extensively employed in geriatric medicine.

Procedure

The study covers a period of twelve months (T0–T11). Twenty music therapy sessions (S1–S20) were administered to two experimental groups, once a week in the morning, for 60 min. per session over 5 months (T3–T8), starting three months after the patient eligibility assessment (T0). The MT treatment was evaluated longitudinally four times: (i) at the beginning of the MT treatment (T3), (ii) at the beginning of the fourth month of treatment (T6), at the end of the MT treatment (T8), and three months after the MT treatment (T11). Salivary cortisol fluid was sampled at the time of the second MT session (S2), midway through the sessions (S11), and at the time of the last session (S20). Samples were taken at fixed times, to avoid variations due to circadian rhythms: immediately before the beginning of the MT session (10:00 a.m.) and immediately after (11:00 a.m.). Those in the control group had salivary fluid sampled on the same days and at the same times. Ten out of 20 MT sessions (S1; S2; S5; S7; S10; S11; S14; S16; S19; S20) were also videotaped for the microanalysis. As Microanalysis is a very long procedure, it was conducted limited to three clinical case casually chosen from the EG. Geriatricians provided information on the personal and clinical history (C–Int) severity of dementia (CDR) and comorbidity (CIRS). Caregivers were interviewed to obtain their assessments of the patients/participants neuropsychiatric symptoms (NPI, CDS, CMAI), functional status (ADCS–ADL), quality of life (QOL–C), and activity limitations and participation restrictions (WHODAS 2.0). Patients were assessed on the cognitive status (MMSE) and quality of life (QOL–P). Three biologists were involved in the salivary cortisol level analysis. Table 1 summarizes the timing of measures collection. The professional administering interviews and measures and respondents involved in the study were blind to patients’ membership in the EG or CG. The music therapist was unaware of the changes in cognitive, functioning, and behavioral status measured during the study (Table 1).

Analysis

Mann–Whitney and Wilcoxon tests were performed on health status and outcome measures. Statistical significance was defined as p ≤ 0.05 [48]. On biological measures, a t-test was also conducted, using the bootstrap method. Analyses were performed through IBM – Statistical Package for the Social Sciences, version 24 for Windows, Armonk, NY. Qualitative data were inserted into an Excel file according to the Microanalysis guidelines developed by Ridder [46].

Results

Demographic

A total of 27 people with dementia were enrolled and blinded randomized into the CG (n = 11; male = 3; mean age = 83.36 ± 9.19; mean education in years = 6.91 ± 4.50) and EG (n = 16; male = 3; mean age = 85.94 ± 8.54; mean education in years = 4.75 ± 3.00). No differences in health status measures and outcome measures were found between the CG and EG at baseline. Four patients died during the study and two were hospitalized. So for these cases, some data are missing.

Health Status

The analysis reveals a worsening of dementia severity (CDR) together with an improvement on activities of daily living (ADCS– ADL) in the EG: the CDR score in the T0 vs. T8 comparison (p = 0.046) significantly increased. The ADCS–ADL score significantly decreased from T0 to T3 (p=0.020) and T6 to T8 (p=0.003) and significantly increased from T0 to T6 (p=0.049) and T3 to T6 (p=0.003). No differences were found on the health status measures in the CG.

Outcome

Figure 1: Significant differences between EG and CG on outcome measures detected with Wilcoxon non-parametric statistic. The horizontal axis indicates month of the experimental phase (T); the vertical axis indicates QOL scores (range 0–48, the higher scores, the better QOL–AD).

  ADCS–ADL = Alzheimer Disease Cooperative Study-Activities of Daily Living; CDR = Clinical Dementia Rating Scale; CDS = Cornell Depression Rating Scale; CIRS-s/c = Cumulative Illness Rating Scale severity/comorbidity; CMAI = Cohen–Mansfield Agitation Inventory; MMSE = Mini Mental State Examination (row score); NPI = Neuropsychiatric Inventory; QOL–C = Quality of Life Alzheimer Disease caregiver version; QOL–P = Quality of Life Alzheimer Disease patient version; WHODAS 2.0 = World Health Organization Disability Assessment Schedule 2.0.

Differences in outcome measures were observed within and between the CG and EG from T0 to T11, as follows. A significant difference on QOL–AD between samples emerged at T8. In particular, QOL–P (p < 0.05) had a higher score in the EG (32.86 ± 9.87) than in the CG (20.71 ± 9.03) (Figure 1). No differences between groups on the other outcome measures (NPI, CDS, CMAI, and QOL–C) were found from T0 to T11. No differences between QOL–C and QOL–P were observed from T0 to T11. Table 2 displays differences within samples in dementia-related neuropsychiatric disturbance detected using the Wilcoxon non-parametric statistic. From T3 to T11 (p = 0.027) and from T6 to T11 (p = 0.007), the NPI score in the EG significantly increased. In the CG, the NPI score significantly increased from T0 to T8 (p = 0.050). Significant declines in depression (CDS) scores were found in the EG from T0 to T3 (p =

0.054), and scores remained lower at T6 (p = 0.001), T8 (p = 0.001), and T11 (p = 0.002). CDS scores also significantly decreased from T3 to T6 (p = 0.006), and the significant difference remained at T11 (p = 0.022). There was also a significant decrease between T8 and T11 (p = 0.046). For the CG, there was a significant decrease in CDS scores between T0 and T11 (p = 0.011). Agitation (CMAI) scores fluctuated over the course of the study. A significant decrease was observed in the EG between T0 and T6 (p = 0.005), and the T3 vs. T6 difference was also significant (p = 0.017), whereas a significant increase occurred from T6 to T8 (p = 0.010), which remained at T11 (p = 0.012 for T6 vs. T11). A significant decrease was observed in the CG for T0 vs. T8 (p = 0.015), part of which took place between T6 and T8 (p = 0.018). With respect to the QOL–AD, there are no differences in EG and CG on QOL–C, whereas a significant decrease was observed in the CG on QOL–P at T0 vs. T3 (p = 0.043) and T3 vs. T8 (p = 0.043). Figure 2 displays the graphs related to the results on the outcome measures. For CO, Figure 3 shows increases from pre to post MT in S2, S11, and S20, as well as for the measures taken at the corresponding times for the CG. (Figure 2) Both in the EG and in the CG the CO collection procedure appeared to be stressful. Some patients did not secrete enough saliva to measure CO. In the CG, results were obtained from five patients for S2, S11, and S20. The mean value in S2 increased from 6.678 (± 0.434) to 7.318 (± 0.238) μg/l (p = 0.077). In S11 there was a significant increase from 6.458 (± 0.395) to 7.526 (± 0.327) μg/l (p = 0.041). There was also an increase from 7.420 (± 1.076) to 7.956 (± 0.571) μg/l (p = 0.340) in S20. In the EG, results were obtained from nine patients for S2, S11, and S20. The mean value in S2 significantly increased from 6.359 (± 1.045) to 6.990 (± 1.021) μg/l (p = 0.026). In S11 it slightly increased from 7.073 (± 1.024) to 7.266 (± 1.053) μg/l (p = 0.086). There was also an increase from 7.111 (± 0.700) to 7.406 (± 0.703) μg/l (p = 0.672) in S20. (Figure 3) Identical results were obtained from the bootstrap analysis.

 Microanalysis of Mrs. R. a Patient of the Experimental Group

Mrs. R. microanalysis is reported because she represents an emblematic clinical case for the age, the severity of the clinical condition and the sensorial impairment. This patient was a 91 year– old woman with moderate/severe vascular dementia (CDR = 2 at T0, T8 and T11; MMSE = 14 at T0; MMSE = 17 at T3; MMSE = 17 at T8; MMSE = 12 at T11). She had a first-grade education and worked as a housekeeper. She had a severe visual deficit, hypertensive heart disease, chronic obstructive bronchopneumopathy, controlled hypothyroidism, polyarthritis, and suffered from a hip fracture (CIRS-c = 5 at T0, T8, and T11; CIRS-s = 1.86 at T0, T8, and T11). All self-administered measures were provided by a formal caregiver (healthcare provider employed in the nursing home). At T0 and T3, she needed help in all basic and instrumental activities of daily living (ADCS–ADL = 5 at T0; ADCS–ADL = 3 at T3) except for the use of a fork or a spoon. At T6 and T8, she combed her hair, asking to listen to the radio, and commented on the news (ADCS–ADL = 11 at T6). At T8 and T11, she reduced her activities (ADCS–ADL = 7 at T8; ADCS–ADL = 4 at T11). The WHODAS 2.0 score remained the same throughout the study. Pharmacological treatment remained stable during the study. The CO before S2 was 8.28 μg/l and increased to 9.03 μg/l after the MT. At S11 CO was 6.85 μg/l before and 7.33 μg/l after while at S20 they were 7.84 μg/l before and 8.02 μg/l after. On the NPI at baseline, Ms. R presented severe delusions, hallucinations, sleep disturbances, and sometimes depressive symptoms (NPI = 46 at T0; NPI = 36 at T3; NPI = 11 at T6; NPI = 52 at T8; NPI = 43 at T11).

She was verbally aggressive and engaged in repetitive actions (CMAI = 50 at T0; CMAI = 38 at T3; CMAI = 38 at T6; CMAI = 59 at T8; CMAI = 58 at T11). She expressed depressive symptoms during the study (CDS = 17 at T0; CDS = 5 at T3; CDS= 0 at T6; CDS = 3 at T8; CDS = 0 at T11). She gave unreliable answers for the QOL items at T0 and T8, (QOL–P at T0 and T8 was inapplicable) and answers (QOL–P = 28 at T3; ADCS–ADL = 31 at T11) comparable to those given by the caregiver (QOL–C = 30 at T0; QOL–C = 32 at T3; QOL–C = 33 at T8; QOL–C = 28 at T11) at T3 and T11. Sessions graphs evidenced a progressive increase in involvement in the MT (eye contact, language, and spontaneous movement). (Figure 4) The music therapist reported that Mrs. R reveals receptive participation in the MT by listening, marking the beat, and playing the maracas. Her behavioral response in the sessions was very positive, and she had her identity and self-worth confirmed by the experience. She was also emotionally affected by the songs, showing interest in the therapist (e.g., by searching for a touch). Based on the video analysis (Supplemental Material), it was concluded that Mrs. R. benefited from the MT as showed in.In the column on the right, clips and sequences refer to the video consisting of the most salient moments of the therapy of Mrs. R. created by the therapist (Supplemental Material).

Discussion

Several studies have suggested the possibility of innovative paradigms able to capture MT effects in dementia [5,9,15]. The present study aimed to demonstrate the usefulness of our biopsychosocial paradigm to explore if MT is useful. To reach this aim, we used outcome measures such as the NPI, CMAI, CDS, and QOL–AD to assess the impact of music therapy on behavioral disturbances and quality of life in persons with moderate/ severe dementia living in a nursing home. Biological markers and relational aspects of behavior were also assessed using salivary cortisol analysis and Microanalysis, respectively. At the same time, health status was monitored throughout the study with the C–Int, CDR, CIRS, MMSE, WHODAS 2.0, and ADCS–ADL. The biopsychosocial paradigm seems capable of capturing MT effects on the degenerative and progressive process of ingravescent health conditions that characterize dementia. In fact, as expected (second prediction), a significant decrease in quality of life (QOL–P score) was observed for the CG but not for the EG [15], even though health status worsened in the EG. Moreover, the EG manifested improvement in functional capacity, showing significant increases in average ADCS–ADL scores. However, the prediction that the EG would obtain NPI, CMAI, and CDS scores lower than the CG (i.e., manifest a lower level of behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia) was disconfirmed, although within the EG there was a nonsignificant trend toward decreased behavioral disturbances from T0 to T11, partially confirming previous studies [2,9,22]. The third prediction—that EG participants would show decreased signs of stress, as indicated by salivary cortisol (CO) levels—was not confirmed. Our results showed no significant difference between EG and CG on CO; in addition, a significant CO increase was present in S2 on EG and in S11 on CG. However, patients e2, e6, and e8, belonging to the EG, showed a reduced CO at S11.

Literature is controversial about the effect of MT. Although Evans et al. [49] and Suzuki et al. [24] found a diminished secretion of cortisol correlated with positive psychological well-being, respectively in aging people the first and people with dementia the last; conversely, Takahashi and Matsushita [50] found no significant effect among person with moderate and severe dementia after MT. The fourth prediction—that social skills and participation would be enhanced by MT—was supported. Through the Microanalysis, it was possible to demonstrate that salient behaviors (e.g., when the patient joins in singing, plays, smiles, makes appropriate eye contact during interaction, spontaneously moves their body, etc.) were enhanced, providing evidence that MT is effective for enriching relational and communicative abilities in those with moderate/severe dementia, as Raglio et al. [2] found. Despite her CO increasing (Figure 3), Ms. R (e6) was engaged with positive emotions with the music therapist and participated actively in the group activities. The fact that CO collection was perceived by the patients as a stressful procedure might explain the fact that CO increased in both the EG and the CG. Furthermore, the increase in CO after MT may be indicative of beneficial stress (eustress) and not negative stress (distress) [51], that is a consequence of patient’s activation following the biopsychosocial intervention. In fact, as Chanda and Levitin argue [14], active MT intervention (direct interactions to stimulate participants) could increase cortisol.

 Limitations of the Study

The small sample size, the heterogeneity of the subjects, and the presence of formal caregivers reduced the possibility of generalizing the results. Futures studies are required to confirm the utility of our paradigm. The majority of the quantitative outcomes (Table 2) are not statistically significant. We know that statistical significance in psychosocial studies is a highly controversial issue. In dementia studies, statistical comparison between groups (experimental and control) could be compromised by a twofold difficulty [52]: the short-term and non-permanent changes in the expression of signs and symptoms of a single individual in the same day; 2) the variability of the expression of signs and symptoms among person with the same diagnosis. Nevertheless, in our study, notable changes in individual measures was observed (although not statistically significant) that might be considered significant from a clinical point of view. Although a clinical analysis of our findings is indubitably interesting, it is beyond the aim of the present study. In summary, the results suggested that the paradigm is effective in demonstrating MT effects in patients with moderate/severe dementia. Active MT is effective in preserving a higher quality of life in institutionalized older adults with moderate/severe dementia. According to demographic projections, the oldest old with dementia will increase in the coming years, and it will be important to have means available to reliably detect the effects of bio(eco) psychological (usually called non-pharmacological) interventions designed to increase the quality of life in those with dementia.

 Acknowledgement

This study was co-funded by Regione Umbria, Ricerca Sanitaria Finalizzata (MUSICT14; E17903P4), and by “Associational Malattia Alzheimer e Telefono Alzheimer Umbria” (A.M.A.T.A. Umbria). The authors would like to thank: Catia Passerine and Maria Grazia Marcacci (nursing homes’ social workers), the nursing homes’ healthcare assistants, and the students of the Department of Philosophy, Social & Human Sciences and Education, who supported the study.