#i was much happier when i was working to fund a Good Life and not just Stay Alive

[noblemalone]

Engaging in escapist fantasies by looking at Masters degree programs

Systemics and evolution... Fine arts.... I want to go back to school so bad... If I didn't have to work and could just focus on learning, researching, experimenting, producing.... I wish i could i wish i could I WISH I COULD!!!!

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Gamer Boyfriend Scenarios

A collection of parodies to satisfy everyone’s desire for a happy ending. Warning: crackhead humor.

Content: gender neutral reader, yandere behavior, brief NSFW, time machine to Wattpad glory days

[First story] [More parodies original works]

Case 1: Third contender

Very few people know about your stepmother. You’d kept it a secret, even from the tentacle monster, who was understandably confused about your boyfriend’s nervousness upon hearing your idea of a family visit.

“Try not to kill each other, please.” You say with pleading eyes.

“I’m more worried about you, (Y/N). Will you be alright?”

You swallow dryly. The evil hag had summoned you earlier this week, and you dare not oppose her. A tear threatens to form in the corner of your eye, so you turn around with a dismissive wave. You’ll be fine.

“I see you already have a suitcase”, the older woman remarks, puffing on her cigarette. “Good. You’ll be leaving today.”

“What? I just got home!” You argue in confusion.

“This isn’t your home anymore. Times are difficult, you see. We’re low on funds.” She ponders her words, then continues. “We’ve sold you to a famous K-pop idol group.”

You can only gawk in shock. Almost simultaneously, you feel a tap on your shoulder and hesitantly look back.

“You must be (Y/N)! Wow, you’re even cuter in person. Those photos I received of you barely do you justice.”

A tall, handsome man with a beaming smile stands behind you. He flashes you a little heart gesture with his index and thumb, and winks.

Is this the power of idol charisma? You can feel the faintest tug at your heart, deep red blush heating up your cheeks.

“I couldn’t possibly…I’m already in a…in a relationship!”

“You’ll be much happier with me. I can offer you the world.”

What a ridiculous situation. You stumble on your words, partly afraid, partly curious about the potential life of luxury as the beloved partner of a famous idol. Can’t be that bad, you tell yourself. You shake your head aggressively. No! You have two people (well, one monster) waiting for you at home. You need to get out of here, but how?

Just as you evaluate escape routes, the door bursts open and you gasp at the sight: your gamer boyfriend, followed by the tentacled creature.

“How did you bypass my security?!” The idol shouts in disbelief. “I have the best engineers in the world working for me!”

The gamer boyfriend smirks defiantly.

“Heh. Wasn’t too hard to hack into your systems, all I needed was my PS5 controller. As for the physical obstacles…” he says, turning to the ancient beast. “You might want to call a cleaning crew for what’s left of your guards.”

You run towards them, and the young man gently guides you behind him.

“Since when do you two get along?” You ask with the sarcasm of a witty Marvel character.

“Let’s just say we figured out a common goal.”

The goal of keeping other people away from you. Any kind of pride he or the monster might've held has been swiftly discarded for this greater purpose. After all, two heads are better than one. Or whatever encephalic organ the creature possesses.

The cherry blossoms sway in the wind, scattering the frail petals across the riverbank.

"It's too much!" you whine, your hot lips brushing against the overgrown grass of the hill, privacy filled to the brim with appendages. "W-what if someone passes by?"

You can't even tilt your head back to look at your aggressors; the weight of the attempted kidnapping was too great for the pair to bear, and thus they were overwhelmed by the urge to reclaim you on the spot. Right there, in the fields, on the way back home.

"I couldn't...care less about that, (Y/N)", the gamer boyfriend manages to blurt out between exhausted, husky growls. His knuckles white from gripping imaginary sheets.

“You belong to us.”

(No slick folds were harmed in the process)

Case 2: Picture frame

The screech slowly dissipates, and the room is quiet again.

Finally. The gamer boyfriend gazes at his masterpiece, a satisfied smile on his face. Now that he's gotten rid of his rival, he can have you all for himself.

“I hope you enjoy the flatness. I didn’t.”

The fight might've lasted longer, had the beast not committed the ultimately fatal mistake of underestimating him. It realized much too late it wasn't dealing with the same human who disappeared months ago. That one was weak and easy to remove.

"Please, what are you-...What are you doing with my body?"

"Relax. I'm just...borrowing it. Permanently, maybe."

Oh, how long he waited for that moment, that instant in which he was guaranteed freedom from the 2D realm. How delicious it was to snatch the escape from the boyfriend who worked so hard for it. All those hours spent romancing the characters, repeating the same dialogue lines again, and again, until the love meter blinked in achievement. And then he stole it, just like that, with a snap of the fingers.

Two things immediately struck him once he made his way out:

First, the third dimension. He'd never experienced such depth before, and all the angles and perspectives sickened him terribly. He spent days bedridden and nauseous. Equally baffling was the fact that conversations were always spontaneous, random, one-of-a-kind and without any subtitles or dialogue box. He tried in vain to reset his response to you, or to replay something you told him. Thankfully, his secret was of such absurdity, that you couldn’t even begin to imagine its possibility. You took his suspicious gaffes with an amused chuckle, calling him a silly goose.

Second, you. He had no idea who you were, but upon laying his eyes on you, a wave of warmth and affection flooded his innards. Were you someone important for the boyfriend? Either way, whatever leftover feeling was left inside the vessel swiftly turned into obsession. You took such great care of him. Guided him through this new world with unconditional kindness. Whatever the boyfriend was to you before, he deserved it more. He was certain of it.

Only one obstacle stood in his way, and he just took care of it.

The entry door unlocks, and you walk in, unsure.

“It’s been days. It always lived here, why would it vanish now?” you sob, shaken by the sudden disappearance of the ancient creature.

“Oh, Darling. Come here”, the gamer boyfriend coos sweetly. “You have me now, don’t you? Am I not enough for you?”

“Of course you are, it’s just…”

You stop in your tracks.

“When did you get this?”

“Today. Do you like it?”

“It’s…nice.”

You stare at the new picture hung in the living room. The ornate frame contours what seems to be an oil painting of a sea monster, tentacles preying out of the water.

It almost looks like it wants to crawl out of the canvas.

“Maybe it just got tired of you.” The boyfriend whistles, approaching you. “But I’ll tell you a secret. I’ll never, ever abandon you.”

“I know, (B/N).” you throw yourself into your boyfriend’s arms.

“Who? Ah, right.”

Case 3: Hidden Ending

You sniff and wipe your tears again, filling your satchel with bread. At the very least, it’s good bread. You made the sourdough starter yourself, in the kitchen you renovated with your own hands.

Not anymore.

You button up your patchy peasant robe, glancing back at the couple one final time. Your gamer boyfriend…well, ex-boyfriend, is following your movement with melancholic eyes. The tentacle creature is holding him affectionately, its tendrils of darkness wrapped around his small shoulders. The same appendages that lewdly traced your body.

You have been cucked.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I…We never meant to hurt you. It’s just…we love each other.” He sheepishly lifts his hand, revealing a ring glowing with ancient, cursed energy of cosmic, long-forgotten springs. “We’re thinking of a tropical honeymoon.”

Your underbaked cinnamon orbs glisten with fresh tears, as thin streams caress your cheeks. No matter. You’ll find a new apartment. You’ll start again. You finish tying the bread satchel around the stick, and throw it over your shoulder.

“I wish you happiness”, you sigh, exiting the house.

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Seven

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. Mentions of wing clipping, misogyny, threat of death, ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your time to act as emissary has come as Rhys needs you and Cassian in Windhaven.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Prologue - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six

Windhaven was a lot colder than you remembered. You must have forgot how cold Illyria was, even if it was your home for the first 120 years of your life. Regadless, you didn’t let it show as you followed Cassian over to where Lord Devlon was standing over the camp. You could see the cabins, the tents, the training rings… it looked so similar to Valorworth that you almost stumbled over your feet. But you kept your stoic mask on, making sure to look unimpressed as you made your way over to them. 

“Cassian..” Devlon trailed off, scowling as he saw you. “Who is this?” He asked, eyes trailing over your shadows and to your wings. “A pet of Azriel?” He asked, already assuming your worth. 

“Another Shadowsinger.” Cassian said with a smirk on his face. “This is (Y/N). She’s going to be emissary from the Night Court to the Illyrian camps, to ensure the females are receiving proper training.” He said. 

If he was surprised by another Shadowsinger being in his midst, he didn’t show it. “Are you on your cycle?” He asked, ignoring the fact that you were an emissary and should be treated with respect. You rolled your eyes. The Illyrian males and their ways… you were going to have to get used to it again. 

“No, but it wouldn’t matter if I was.” You said. “We don’t taint objects when we bleed, just as you don’t.” You said firmly, crossing your arms. Not that any female would want to even think about fighting while on their cycle. Most times it was too painful to leave the bed. In your experience. Cauldron, you had your cycle just before you were released from Under the Mountain and Amarantha was no sympathizer when you needed the time in your chambers. Alone. To writhe in pain. 

“That is our way, and if you are to be an emissary to us, you’ll have to respect it.” He said. 

“Regardless, I am not. If you are so concerned, have your blacksmith create separate weapons for the females to use.” You stated, narrowing your eyes at him. It was a good idea, one that you might just use your salary to fund. Rhys funded practically everything else for you anyway.

Cassian cleared his throat before he could respond. “We’ll be staying in Rhys’s cabin, is it occupied?” He asked and Devlon growled out a yes. 

“You think as a camp Lord, you’d be happier to see your Lord Commander.” You snapped and crossed your arms. “I’m also pretty sure he could snap your neck, seeing as you’ve only got 2 Siphons, if he wanted to, so why don’t you show him any respect?” 

Devlon stepped towards you. “If you don’t shut your mouth, I’ll make sure you can’t even step foot in this camp or another one ever again. No matter what the High Lord wants to call you.” He growled. “I don’t see any Siphons on you, anyway.” 

“That’s because you males don’t allow females to have them. But I can assure you, my shadows will do the work for me just as easily.” You said, not backing down from his stare. He wasn’t much shorter than Rhys or Azriel, but he was definitely taller than you. 

“Okay… this is a lovely first meeting. Get your males out of the cabin. We’re going to take a look around.” Cassian said and looked at you nodding towards the camp. “I expect it to be ready in an hour.” He said before starting to walk down the hill. You stared at Devlon before following Cassian. 

“I don’t know how you put up with that.” You said. 

“He trained me, and as much of a pain as he is, he’s the most willing to change the ways of his army to what we want.” He said. “As fun as that was to watch, I suggest not threatening to snap his neck again. You want to be on his good side. Especially as a female.” He said. 

Something about being back in an Illyrian camp made your blood boil. That simmering rage was bubbling to the surface. Maybe because last time you were at one, it was for Amarantha to ensure her “allies” were truly telling her everything. Since that was the camp that turned you in, you had no problem listening to their secrets. Until you saw what she did to them. And the children. Fallen wings flashed through your mind, and you had to shake your head to come back to the present.

Your temper was already high and Devlon didn’t help. Cassian telling you that you needed to ‘play nice’ because you were a female wasn’t making you any less agitated. 

“If you can’t handle this, you can-“ he started when you marched past him. 

“Handle this?” You growled and whipped around towards him. “Do you know what it’s like to be a female in an Illyrian camp? Cause it’s a lot worse than being a bastard whose found brother is a High Lord.” You seethed, shadows whirling around your body as if to restrain you from pouncing on him. “You get seven Siphons. You get to participate in the Blood Rite and call yourself Carynthain. You get to train. You get to make decisions without having your wings threatened.” You spat, finally looking up at him. You could see the surprise in his eyes. The small amount of hurt that he let show. You immediately regretted snapping at him. You went to apologize but he shook his head. 

“You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like.” Cassian simply said. “But you haven’t been here in a long time. Nor have you been to this camp. And I’m not saying it’s much better, but these males are willing to change for us. Change their traditions for a better army. If that means meeting them in the middle, or working with them with the little they give, then we do it. Because we can’t force them to change their ways. We’ve tried and it hasn’t worked. But with your help, we’ll get there. And it won’t help anything if you threaten every male you run into. Especially if they haven’t seen what you’re capable of.” He said. 

You bit the inside of your lip, nodding your head. “I didn’t mean to call you a bastard.” You admitted. “I’m sorry.” 

“I am one. No point in denying it.” He said and winked. “Come on, let me show you around.” He said and walked in front of you. Normally, he would sling his arm over your shoulder. But that would make the Illyrians mock you further, and he knew that wouldn’t help your already rising temper. You hadn’t shown it to him yet. He wondered if Rhys had ever seen you so riled. He didn’t even know you had it in you. 

Then again, you were in a place that reminded you of a world of hurt and pain. A place that gave you no respect… other than maybe that you could provide a male child for the Illyrians one day. But even then, that wasn’t respect. 

So he didn’t let it get to him. He knew what these camps did to females. And he knew that Valorworth in particular would be a hard one to crack. They still had problems with the males clipping females’ wings. And even more of a problem with getting the girls to train out of fear they wouldn’t be accepted by their mate or would be “sullied” because they chose to fight. While in Windhaven, you would be training with Cassian. Rhys didn’t want you to train with the other females yet, not unless you wanted to… And you made it clear the day before you didn’t want to. Not yet, at least. 

“Have you ever tried a Siphon?” He asked curiously as you walked towards the training rings. 

“You’re kidding, right? The day the Cauldron boils over is the day they’ll allow a female to even try ON a Siphon. Besides, I don’t even think I have killing power to begin with.” Your said. 

“Have you ever tried?” He repeated and smirked when you shook your head. “You know, there have been female Illyrian warriors before. Not many, and not in hundreds of years, but it’s happened before.” He said. 

You looked at him skeptically. “I’ve never heard of an Illyrian female warrior. Not that fought among males.” You said. You remembered stories of the Valkyries. You even thought that Cassian might have known them, with how old he was. Rhys, Az, and him all fought in the war. The Valkyries all died then… That was the closest you heard of a female fighting in the ranks of Illyrian males.

“Have Clotho pull out books on the Erthican age, focusing on Illyria.” He said and smirked. “I think you’ll be surprised.” 

He didn’t say anything else when he approached the training ring. You saw some females training, only four, with a male who looked either displeased to be training them, or displeased with their positions. Probably both considering a) he was a male and b) their fighting posture was horrible. You were better when you started two weeks ago. But you had hunting experience. And experience under Amarantha. So you couldn’t judge them. Not when they were trying. And they seemed to want to be there. The male, however, did not. 

“This is what they call training?” You whispered to Cassian. 

“This is the best we can get right now. That’s why you’re here.” He said. “You want to show these males how far a female can come with two weeks of training?” He asked and opened the gate to an empty training ring. You were aware of the eyes suddenly upon you. 

“I’m not sure they’ll be impressed.” You said and shifted on your feet, but kept your back straight and your head high. You would not cower in front of these males. Never again.

“Trust me, they will.” He said and nodded as he motioned for you to hand him your coat. You slipped it off and set it on a rock instead. Anything that showed the males you and Cassian were more than a trainer and his trainee would show you as weak. 

The cold air almost made you shiver but you quickly got into position with Cassian to start the warm up stretches. It took no time for you both to start sparring, Cassian reminding you to pull your left foot in closer, or to pick up your left shoulder. Or to not flare out your wings so much. All gentle, small reminders, and nothing to mock you. Eventually, you grabbed the practice swords, practicing with those. You went through the eight point star, the sweeps, blocks, and parries that would all be vital to know in a fight. When you were done, you were sweating in your leathers. You were glad when the cool winter breeze glided across your skin. Your shadows had calmed during your training, trailing on the ground. And your temper wasn’t boiling anymore. It was buried deep inside, where it would stay for as long as you could keep it. Getting angry at Cassian, or any of the other Illyrian males, would only show them your weaknesses. And you wouldn’t let that happen. Maybe with Cass, but not the others. 

You looked back towards the camp, seeing a group of males that had been watching you. You couldn’t hear what they said, but you cast your shadows out with a simple wave of the hand. They scattered across the ground, then came back an instant later. “Cassian goes easy on her” “She couldn’t do that with a real sword” “She can’t take him down”. All the whispers that came back. You looked at Cassian and narrowed your eyes. 

“I want to spar for real.” You said, low enough that only he could hear it. “No swords, and no pads.” You said. “And none of my shadows helping me… let me show them what I can do. And don’t hold back.” You said. 

Cassian glanced at them and then back at you, frowning a bit. “That’s not a good idea. We’re still at the beginning of your training. But if it were to go wrong, it would have the opposite effect.” He said. 

“Cassian-“ 

“I’m still your commander. No matter what, it’s important for me not to push you. And this would be pushing.” He said. “Come on, let’s go to the cabin. It’s been two hours and we need to clean up before going through the rest of the camp.” He said, pausing when you stood your ground. “(Y/N)… we’re here for two weeks. At the end of that, I’ll fight you for real, okay?” He asked. Cassian didn’t like pulling rank, but if that would be what got you to back down, he might just have to do that. 

You thought for a moment and then nodded. “I think that would be a good Solstice present.” You joked and grabbed your coat, not daring to put it on as you were still sweating. You needed these leathers off you. And a bath. Now.

You let your shadows rest around your shoulders and arms as you walked past the Illyrian males, and some females, towards the cabin. “This is Rhys’s cabin?” You asked. 

“His mother’s actually. It was, at least… This is where Rhys, Az, and I grew up… this whole camp is… but this cabin is where she raised us. And where we got into Mother knows what when we were young.” He said and smiled fondly. It was the same smile that came to your face when you thought about Sirona, Igna, or Oran. Something nostalgic and filled with loss, but also happiness. 

“You’d give anything to go back to those days for just a few moments.” You suggested. “I know the feeling… If I could visit my home near the northern mountains again… with my family. Or when my mother was still alive… I would.” You said and looked at the cabin. 

“Come on, let’s wash up and then I can show you the rest of the camp.” He said and gave you a small smile before opening the door. 

Cassian showed you around the rest of the camp after you’d taken a bath and changed into some warmer clothes for the Illyrian winter night. The Winter Solstice was three weeks away, and you knew that it would only get colder from here. 

You wore the coat that Mor gave you (it brought the perfect amount of warmth without making you sweat under it) as Cassian led you to the female cabins. The ones that housed the females that were without husbands, mates, or males that would take care of them. You saw the four that were training earlier. They were doing housework. They didn’t seem too much older than you were when you left Valorworth. If you were to be offered a chance to train back then… you weren’t even sure if you would have taken it. Your father certainly would not have allowed it.

And then he showed you the few shops they had in town. About five, and one of them was the blacksmith. Which he said he wanted to visit quickly. You looked around and decided to go to the tailor shop you noticed, tucking in your wings as you entered the shop. “Hi,” you said as you saw a man at the small table at the back. He seemed to be a seasoned warrior, and now you guessed he ran this shop since a war wasn’t raging at the moment. Still, something of him reminded you of your father, so you stayed on edge. As you would with every male in this camp other than Cassian. “Do you have any gloves? I seem to have forgotten mine.” You said as you looked around. 

“I have wool lined or leather,” his voice was gruff.

“Leather would be best,” you said as you approached the table. 

“Emerie,” he called to the back. “Grab the female gloves… 5 copper marks,” he said as he turned back to you. 

“5? They should be worth 3,” you said and he rose his eyebrows, shocked that you suggested otherwise. 

“5, or you can find another tailor at this camp who will sell them to you.” He growled. He obviously didn’t like that a female was trying to barter with him. 

You held in a sigh and pulled out the marks, setting them on the table. You didn’t have it in you to fight with an old male today. Certainly not when he was so easily agitated by a female. 

“Here you go, father,” the female said, coming out from the back and setting the pair of gloves down. Your eyes immediately focused on her wings. The small amount of faelight showed scars that could only mean one thing. Her wings were clipped. And by the looks of it, not by a healer. You looked down at the gloves and reached out for them, but stopped when the man put his hands on top of them. 

“I haven’t seen you around here… what camp are you from?” He asked. The female named Emerie only stayed standing behind her father. Not in a scared, cowering way, but curious. 

“Technically, Valorworth. But I live down south, in- Hewn City now.” You said, remembering how Velaris was to be kept a secret from anyone you encountered outside the city. 

“Ahh… the Court of Nightmares. How does an Illyrian female Shadowsinger end up there?” He asked, his hand unmoving upon the gloves. 

You managed a glance to your shadows, frowning at his tone. “I know the right males.” You said and reached down, snatching the gloves from his hand. 

“I’m (Y/N).” You said and offered a small smile to Emerie. “I’ll be here for two weeks with Cassian,” you said, assuming everyone in the camp knew who he was. Being the commander of the Night Court’s army and all. 

Emerie didn’t reply as her father scowled, clearly not liking that you were ignoring him. You smiled at her again before turning around. “Thanks for the gloves.” You said and walked out the door.

A/N: And now we are in Windhaven! Why do we think reader is so on edge?

Series Masterlist

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Tagging (if you are not being tagged properly, please send me a message, I will fix it as soon as I can!):

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[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 12, Unlucky - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,

Word Count: 935

Previously On...: It's finally time to present your Crisis Prediction Algorithm to the Stark Industries' Board of Directors! EEP!

A/N: Another short part, but I'll be honest and tell you that this one has my all-time favorite Pocket/Tony interaction in it, so it was *so* much fun to write! I just love the dynamic between the two of them. And for a little Good News/Bad News: Bad News-- I'm heading off to New Orleans in a few hours Spring Break (like, I have to leave my house at 2:30am, it's godawful), so I'm not going to be very active on here for several days, and I'm not bringing my laptop (which is how I prefer to Tumblr, tbh). The Good News? I'm setting up scheduled updates so you'll keep getting your Unwanted segments in a timely fashion! I just won't be very interactive during that time period to update chapter links; you'll just have to find parts by navigating my feed. Sorry! I'll make it all better when I come home; promise.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1

To your absolute delight, and no surprise to Bucky, the presentation went off without a hitch. The board was impressed with the level of detail you’d put into your work, and the extensive data you had to show from your months of trials. You’d managed to succinctly answer every question they brought up concerning protecting civilian privacy, system security, and cost/benefit analysis to their satisfaction. 

When the time came for the board to vote, you held your breath, squeezing Bucky’s hand under the table as each member called out their ‘yay’ or ‘nay.’ When it was all said and done, the overwhelming majority had voted for Stark Industries to fund the implementation of the crisis prediction algorithm system, tentatively now called C-PAS, with the only votes against being concerned about cost, and not the benefits or merits of it. You couldn’t have been happier.

In celebration, Tony and Pepper took you and Bucky out to dinner at one of the most exclusive rooftop restaurants in the city. Now, as the Stark Industries’ CTO, you were definitely not hard up for money, by any stretch of the imagination, but the atmosphere around you was beyond anything you’d normally immerse yourself in.

“Here’s to our girl!” Tony exclaimed, raising a glass of 1998 Rosé Dom Pérignon. You blushed as Bucky and Pepper raised their glasses in your honor before you all took a sip. “I’m so proud of you, Pocket. I couldn’t be prouder if I had done it myself, so you know that’s saying something.”

You laughed at that. “Thank you, Boss,” you said, raising your glass to him. “That is truly a rare compliment, coming from you.”

“Don’t mention it, kiddo. Can’t think of a single person more deserving of the success than you.”

You ducked your face, trying to hide the flush of pride and embarrassment that was now coloring your cheeks. No matter your accomplishments, you would never become accustomed to being acknowledged for doing something well.

Bucky grabbed your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before bringing it to his lips. “He’s right, sweets. You’ve worked so hard for this, and you deserve to be celebrated for it. Not that often Stark and I can whole-heartedly agree on something, but we’re of like minds on that.”

 You hid your face in your hands as Tony smirked at Bucky and raised his glass in salute.

“Boys,” Pepper interjected with a soft laugh, “while I completely agree with your shared assessment, you’re going to kill Pocket from embarrassment.”

“Thank you, Pep,” you murmured through your fingers.

“Alright, alright,” Tony said with a laugh, “subject change. So Barnes, when are you going to make an honest woman of our girl and weirdly become my brother-in-law? Huh– there’s a phrase I never expected to utter.”

You nearly choked on the piece of bread you’d been nibbling on as Bucky began spluttering on his mouthful of champagne. You cleared your throat and put a reassuring hand on Bucky’s knee. “If that becomes a topic that needs to be discussed, Tony, you will definitely be one of the first handful of people to know.”

“The first handful?” Tony cried, face affronted. “I should be number two, at least!”

“Number two?!” you asked him incredulously. “Come on, you egomaniac! How the fuck do you figure that?”

“Easy,” Tony said, leaning over the table toward you. “Barnes knows first because he decides he wants to marry you for some reason known only to him and his maker, he asks me for my blessing, and then you can find out after. So, number two! Come to think of it, you’ll probably be fifth to know, because I’m sure he’ll tell Capsicle after me, and of course I’ll tell Pepper, so it’s actually you in the first handful, not me.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Oh really?” you asked, and he nodded, smirking at you. “Well, in that case, what number is Pep going to be when you decide to get your ass in gear and make an honest woman out of her? No offense, Pep,” you added quickly.

“None taken, honey, but are you both positive you’re not actually siblings?” Pepper laughed.

You and Tony both snorted, rolled your eyes, and muttered “He/She wishes” at the same time, which caused your entire table to laugh, breaking any tension that might have remained following Tony’s mention of a possible engagement.

From there, the conversation flowed to much less loaded topics, and soon your third course dishes were being cleared. You were feeling slightly buzzed from the champagne and were devilishly seeing how far you could push Bucky by tracing your hand along his upper thigh when Tony’s phone rang.

“Tony,” Pepper chastised as he pulled out the device to look at the screen. “I thought we agreed on no calls during couple’s time?”

You quickly shot Bucky a teasing look as if to say “see?”

“Sorry, honey, but it’s the emergencies-only line.” He put the phone to his ear. “Talk to me, Banner. … When did they get in? … WHAT?! … How? … Is he…? … No, I got it. We’re on our way.” Tony stood up abruptly from the table, ending the call.

“Tony, what–” Pepper began, but Tony put his hand on her arm, pulling her up and cutting her off. 

“Wilson, Carthage, and Rhodes just landed from the Malaysia mission,” he began, his face stone serious. It was a look you hated seeing on his face, because it meant something was horribly wrong. “Rhodey’s been hurt. It’s bad. We need to get home. Now.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[sitp-recs]

15 fics with Militant Harry

I don’t know you guys but I’m equally soft for recluse!Harry and for militant!Harry. Maybe because I’m a sucker for political fics? Truth is, seeing Harry get involved can be so thrilling and inspiring. He doesn’t need to be attached to the Ministry to care about people - I love it when he’s doing the good deed behind the scenes, dismantling corruption while on the run, funding charities or unapologetically using his fame and voice to leverage better policies for those who are marginalized. That’s such a beautiful and powerful Harry trope imo, and the best thing is that in many of the fics I highlight below, Draco either seduces him into joining the revolution, or is there to inspire and help him along the way. Talk about a power couple! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I did ♥️

A Little Death Never Hurt Anyone by @tackytigerfic (E, 4k)

Harry's getting good at slipping through the Veil. He's determined to win the war, even if means he has to raise the dead to do it. Draco just wants a stiff drink and a good night's sleep.

And Save Me From Bloody Men by @blamebrampton (T, 10k)

Draco Malfoy once watched others fighting to stop the world falling apart. This time, he's not just watching.

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight (M, 16k)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

Vortex by @xanthippe74 (T, 20k)

Ten years after that conversation, the idea of perfectly-matched soulmates feels more like a curse than a blessing to Draco. Who would want a soulmate who was a schoolyard bully, a Death Eater, and a convicted felon? Certainly not Harry Potter. And Draco is determined to take this secret to the grave.

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Doing the Lambeth Walk by @blamebrampton (T, 26k)

There are only three traditional choices for the cashed-up hero after victory. Harry Potter is too young to settle down and provide the wizarding world with a happy ending, and has too acute a sense of humour to spiral downwards into a spectacular flame-out. That leaves a life of good works. Choosing to lead it in Muggle Brixton comes with its own set of challenges, including Malfoys in the biscuit aisle.

The Nobility of Ascent by Lomonaaeren (E, 27k)

Not even his own fame and power are enough to get the Wizengamot to pass laws protecting Muggleborn and orphaned children, so Harry swallows his pride and goes to Draco Malfoy, who can teach him how to convince the prejudiced old bastards to listen to him. And Malfoy hasn’t even named a price. Which…concerns Harry, but he’s found a cause worth living for. And maybe someone, too.

Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by @writcraft (E, 65k)

Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

A Young Radical's Guide to Love by @blamebrampton (T, 66k)

Memories of the war are still fresh, which is all the excuse Decent People need to do appalling things. In this quietly waged conflict, Draco Malfoy is happy to be on the right side of things for once, and even happier to find he’s not alone.

Dear Enemy by GingerTodgers (T, 69k)

An anonymous benefactor makes a generous donation to Harry Potter's School for Squibs in exchange for a weekly letter from the Boy Who Lived. What begins as a chore soon becomes the only outlet Harry has to talk about the war, love, life, hope, redemption, his renewed obsession with a certain blonde nemesis and how he really, honestly, believes that this will be the year Puddlemere United reclaim the Quidditch League Cup.

Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love by @aibidil (E, 80k)

In which a group of wizards' rights activists goes on the offensive after a prohibition against love potions, forcing the magical world to confront the horror of magic's role in sexual assault and the murky legal nature of consent. Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Draco are swept together to solve the case, and in the process they're made to confront their own love and lust—with and without potions.

Super Rich Kids by @thusspoketrish (E, 81k)

Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by nerakrose (T, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

[kentocidal]

things i’ve learned and experienced while taking a break from tumblr and discord: a comprehensive list

i told my boyfriend to bark for me one time and he got turned on and did it. power move.

i am so fucking good at giving head. you do not need to choke on dick for your head game to be good folks, i can’t let anything touch the back of my throat but that man loves some good sloppy

i’ve been going to bars lately on friday nights with him and his friends after work. getting drunk and getting home at 2am only to be on the road at 8am the following morning to go to work feels like the twilight zone.

i have tickets to see la la land in orchestra at carnegie hall in february

taking a break from the internet is good, actually, and the world didn’t end when i fell off the face of the earth.

the rift between my mother and i is irreparable and it’s only a matter of time until i go no contact with my entire family, brother included.

i went to a rooftop bar in the city last weekend, it was so cold but watching the sun set was nice. i love being outside and spending time with my partner.

i’m seeing tyler the creator in july!!! major win for annoying people (me)

sabrina carpenter, chappell roan, and charli xcx are the powerpuff girls. no im not wrong

i’ve started seeing a whole lot more movies lately. letterboxd they could never make me hate you.

i’ve reconnected with some childhood friends through my boyfriend and i’m so grateful to have them back in my life.

i’m concocting some stuff to do rp again with a friend from college. lowkey miss rping in general. might put some feelers out.

i’m in a magazine at my job and am considering pivoting my short term career into full time interior design. i’m like three quarters of the way there i might as well use my skills to fund my law degree.

i should be done with my bachelor’s by the end of next year. i’m first generation and i did it all by myself out of spite.

i still hate the gym. i hate that place. my bf loves it but i cannot stand going. god.

the period of time between taking the morning after pill and starting your period feels like living in hell

i’ve never been happier or more grounded before in my life.

we deserve to eat good food amongst good company. we deserve to make spaces for ourselves where we do not feel anxious or upset.

if you voted for the rapist in this past election i do actually wish death upon you, you sick fuck.

i was catwoman for halloween. got told my body is tea.

i haven’t watched any anime since june i don’t think. i’ve only watched horror movies and whatever i’ve seen in theaters lately. i am very far behind and need recommendations that aren’t blue lock. bl mutuals i love you so much but what happened to the animation im crying

it’s okay to take time for yourself. you are not wrong for carving a space for yourself to mature.

[short-horse]

Once upon a time I was super concerned about the environment and like... wanted to be like all zerowaste and shit but my fatal flaws are that I like toy collecting and crafting.

My pessimistic flaw is that I've stopped caring as much because certain groups of humans make me feel like it aint worth keeping the planet in a pristine shape to make life cozy for humanity. Either we adapt or go extinct like the rest of life on this planet.

However, my optimistic flaw is that I still care enough about the good parts of humanity to realize that I still hate the bad parts of humanity enough that I don't want to see it destroy the only dirtball we can live on. But my other pessimistic flaw is that I've noticed that it seems so rare for the average american to care about anything but themselves in a greed kind of way not a self preservation kind of way. Work in food service and retail and you'll get the full brunt of the public's greed and hate. And the sheer number of coworkers that are like "Why would you care about those nasty black birds and squirrels? They eat the bird seed I put out for the cardinals!" To which I ask "Do you even know the difference between a Starling and a Grackle? Why do you think a black bird nastier than a "pretty" bird? You are probably killing a native species and they have been protected under the Migratory Bird Act since the EARLY 1900's." Caring about the environment isn't a new thing. It's not a WOKE thing. Being kind and understanding to your fellow beings isn't woke it's just being kind... Also, there have been people aware of humanity's impact since forever but unfortunatly certain greedy mindsets and economical systems are in play that make it hard to even admit that you care about another group of people outside of yourself and maybe your immediate family.

Even a podcast I was listening to yesterday was lamenting the fact that researchers need to try and find ways to make something seem "useful to humans" or profitable to get funding or to seem like something as justified and I kinda agreed that it IS sad. Knowledge can't just exist and be knowledge, a fish or environment can't just be saved or restored just because it's the better thing to do than just leaving somewhere depleted or a species dying out. No it has to be PROFITABLE. ;-;

Yet here I am feeding the beast buying toys and craft materials made of plastic because it makes me feel better because I guess I'm also self centered and greedy because I want to be a little happier. Yet these systems will continue to make conditions more miserable the longer this system persists and I'm giving it my money because I want to be... happy? When there are people and animals dying, environments being razed and species going extinct. My fatal flaws are in so much conflict with my mental health and wellbeing and it fucking sucks. Like why can't I be happy as an extreme minimalist or something? Why does my shitty ADHD brain need to fixate on hoarding shit that just sits on a shelf and does nothing but use up petroleum? But I care enough about my fellow beings that I don't want the non-assholes to be miserable either?

And what even IS an acceptable level of assholishness and greed? I don't like being treated like shit and having resourses like food, shelter, clothing, entertainment ect. But I also get bent out of shape over stupid things too and I also buy a lot of crap I don't need. I get all outbursty because things are annoying because my brain thinks I need to express emotions because something is. ... annoying? In the past I was also striving to be 100% peaceful and not let anything get under my skin but I have totally failed there too. I'm just a prickly gremlin at my core I guess. ._. And I don't constantly harbor ill will, unless you're a massive jerk, really rude, and nothing but mean. Then I won't exactly feel sorry for them which makes ME the asshole too...? Is it really assholeish to believe that that extremely hateful and malicious people just not existing would make society better? Better so we could all just be who we want to be and live how we want to live as long as we're not hurting anyone and doing it in a sustainable way so we don't completely ruin the environment?

I don't know exaclty where I was going with this post so uh... Help?

[roosterforme]

This has been floating in my mind for a while about Meredith. And it doesn’t excuse her horrific actions at all so this referring to before Meredith was a complete and utter cunt. Do you think she had Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety and that attributed to her lack of desire to bond with Noah?

Because Meredith has always struck me as more than a self-serving money obsessed woman. Like if she did suffer from PPD she’s the type of person that would not only refuse to ask for help but also refuse to consider she had PPD. She would view that as a weakness and think she was broken. And when you don’t try to get better the issues fester and develop.

At some point Meredith loved Bradley. And we know that Bradley loves with every atom of himself and sees the good in people (let’s not mention how that man can barely see the good in himself because that’s a whole other post). There was good in Meredith at some point, maybe not a lot but it was there. So I can’t but wonder if PPD contributed to how much of a terrible person Meredith ended of being.

Caitsy, I'm go happy you brought this up. I think I hinted at it, especially in the last chapter, but this is a definite possibility. I think part of the issue is that she struggled through the end of the pregnancy and the first few months after Noah was born while trying to figure out who to blame. (TW: mention abortion)

She'd obviously toyed with the idea of an abortion as evidenced by what she told Bradley when he visisted her about the bank funds. Meredith is a highly motivated individual. She is a hard worker and very smart and cunning. Some of those attributes make it more difficult to recognize that it may be time to ask for or seek out help. All she saw was the way Bradley bonded with baby Noah immediately, and all she felt was resentment. She didn't bond with her own son, and meanwhile Bradley made parenting look effortless on top of working full time. They had very different expectations and experiences, and not all of that was her fault.

I do think she would have been happier now if she made different decisions before. But I also think Meredith wanted to have all of the benefits of being witn Bradley and Noah without actually having to be with them. And her career took a massive hit as well, and we know how much her work meant to her. (DO NOT get me started on the fact that our society fucking hates successful women and does everything it can to prevent women from re-entering the workforce after having a family. None of that shit is as hard for men.)

She lost out on her career for a life that she wasn't sure she wanted from the beginning, so I think it's a definite possibility that Meredith suffered from anxiety and post partum depression. Remember, she would call every year around Noah's birthday for information about him. She loved Bradley once upon a time, too, or they wouldn't have been together for so long. And Bradley admitted he'd never really considered marrying her, but that doesn't mean there wasn't good in her. He wouldn't have loved her otherwise. And of course she could see the good in him, because she could even acknowldge that he is a good parent to Noah even though she tried to discredit him in court previously.

It can be hard to recognize when it's time to ask for help, so it's important to have a partner or friends or family around that you can talk to. When you keep fighting invasive thoughts and feelings every day, they start to feel like a normal part of your thinking. If something feels off, it's definitely work looking into and having a conversation about.

Wow, I'm really sorry this is so long.

[bleaksummer]

Gold. Who was that guy that touched everything and, ‘ting!’ pure gold? All that money thrown at education and I don’t have the foggiest. I suppose mommy wanted me to have the best, and possibly meet some kids my own age, but honestly I’d have been better being thrown into the local high school, at least then I’d have had a chance at talking to people who are more likely to have a soul. 

I am well aware of my place, and truly, I know I could fall in shit and come out smelling of roses. Most of the time I don’t have to think at all, days upon days of blissful nothing and fuck me, I have no idea why the rest of my family make it look so fucking difficult. Forever jamming their fists into where they can make more of it; green. The thing that makes the world turn on its axis, so they say. Don’t make us any happier though, does it? I’m sure the foundations of this place are built on valium and loud sighs. 

We are, mostly, very stupid, and very far removed. It is wealth you simply cannot dream of, the gap between us and your average joe, middle class with a 401k, 2.5 kids and wife with a Louis Vuitton handbag is actually a fucking chasm. So deep and so wide it could unhinge it’s jaws, and snaffle the Grand Canyon. IT'S NOT REAL. A world of no consequence, no one need grow up, endless fucking frolicking at the bottom of Mary Poppins’ carpet bag with Peter bastard Pan and all of his merry men, or whoever the fuck Disney said. 

We just are. 

True enough, we could do more to help the needy, or…those that are on the breadline, whatever the PC term is now. But our ignorance means our own problems, usually of our own doing are usually far more important. Frivolous, but far more important than the fact you’ve shoved another kid out and can’t afford a grocery shop. The fact that those little colourful tickets designed to look like you aren't completely fucked, the ones you cash in at the foodbank, the proverbial begging bowl, is your life line. Who the fuck do we think we are?

Uncle Philip does an especially good job of knotting himself up to be the King on the funeral pyre of his making. Good businessman, fairly bad human, but so are we all I’d wager. Silly little footnotes stomping around unending halls crying at our fistfuls of cash. He hates it. Recently, he spends most of his time lurking and chain smoking, it almost appears it physically pains him to smile, which is a shame because I remember a time his lips would crack and his laughter would make his whole frame shake. He was, is…warm, he’s just forgotten in all the din of being one of the luckiest motherfuckers on planet earth. 

Our family is odd, though. I see that now, The Sheas are very much new money, it's a dirty term around people like us. This miserable nature hasn’t become engrained in them yet, they are still worker ants, bringing their wares back to the nest, stockpiling wealth for a rainy day. But fuck me, they are like sunshine, and they are just so…well, REAL Their emotions aren’t regulated by having a stick up ones ass, they've just fuckin’ grafted for the world they inhabit. There is a certain levity, to having them around, and they have so much familial turmoil and yet they are simply magic. It’s fascinating. 

I realise sometimes how tone deaf I am when I try to have conversations with them, or, well anyone outside of the Locke family prison. I am coveted, surrounded, and yet none of them fucking listen. I am nobody, not a victim, but a nobody. Just the prize pig, and I must say some of the most heinous shit, because our life is just playtime, and theirs actually means something. 

I am aware how trite I sound, rich kid wants to mean something. What’s wrong with that though? Well, I suppose the sun shines out of my ass, and therefore, I have to work harder to prove not everything of value I am capable of producing was funded entirely by the obscenity of the wealth in my estate. All at once I want to hide and I want to be seen, instead I am balls deep in a stereotype I am incapable of shaking off. How tragic.

[leatherbookmark]

a tag reply to this poll in a post form, because i forgot tumblr eats tags :(

we don't know anything about either of the nie mothers... but honestly any of them living would probably make the situation better for the new sect leader!nmj. he would probably still die of the saber illness, but at least he would have had a mom, although i'm not sure if a nie mom still living would have changed anything re: nhs's revenge. would she encourage him? discourage? or would she one day ask sect leader jin for a talk because she's worried about a-sang and like... put poison in his tea? idk!

the inclusion of xy's mom is interesting, because this is like the first mention of her i've EVER seen in this fandom. i do obviously think he would lead a happier life if he wasn't a homeless orphan. and i do want him to be happy! but at the same time. i'm sorry to say it. but i do love crunchy little bastard a-yang. it's a bit like those aus where mme lan escapes with the lads in tow and cssr+wcz survive as well, and they somehow pick up ms with a-yao and they all raise their kids as wandering cultivators and everyone's happy. like YEAH but where's the crunch! the emotional issues! it's kinda boring when no one's insane(ly troubled) :0 s-sorry;;

cssr... are we only saving her or her and wcz? well, either way wwx doesn't end up at the lotus pier, and both he and the jiang siblings probably have less Troubled minds. maybe they're still friends because i guess yzy wouldn't mind THAT much if jfm's Very Much Married friends came for a visit. yknow as compared to... the actual situation

mme lan is actually interesting because we don't really know what would happen to her if she. well. didn't die (for whatever reason). like, iirc in mdzs qhj died after the wens attacked the cloud recesses, and i think he was still in seclusion during that time. this could mean that mme lan's situation would be similar. just... locked away and unable to leave even when her sons are of age. now it would be interesting if she used the wens' attack to run away on her own (if it was possible). maybe she and lxc could have ran away together and now THAT'S an idea for a fic!! i doubt she'd want to go back to the cloud recesses after the war so i think lxc could just... help her settle somewhere and visit her, with lwj or jgy, from time to time. idr if she was a wandering cultivator like cssr or if that's fanon, but she could do whatever she wanted! finally for the first time in Twenty Fucking Years !! GOOD FOR HER.

MENG SHI... i'm seeing some voices that meng shi surviving would make everything much much less murdery which... i'm not so sure! i don't think meng yao the meng yao could have earned enough money to buy his mother's meds AND pay off her debt to the brothel. in this case even if meng shi lives to find out the great cultivator jgs had her son (his son!) kicked down the stairs of the jlt, and changes her mind about him... jgy still desperately needs to free his mother and still make her proud. and the jin sect is the richest. it's entirely possible he still strives to be accepted only to commit Fraud and pocket 1/4th of a golden napkin fund to free his mother and buy her a safe and comfortable house somewhere. and then he'd still need the money to send her.

he probably would have chosen to kill jgs earlier and in a different way -- or maybe he wouldn't kill him at all if his mother was there to tell him that it doesn't matter and that it seems jgs never cared about them after all. maybe jgy would just resign himself to working himself to the bone for a father that gives less of a fuck about him than the nie captain/jin commander/etc! because he can’t really... quit, because in his case, after all he’s already done, with all he already knows about jgs and his ambitions, you can’t really walk away because you’re a potential danger! even as a son of a sex worker! not that a kicked out of the jinlintai for the 2nd time!jgy would be particularly revenge-focused, but. still.

also, if jgy decided to “quit” and still lived, somehow, either way his good opinion would be pretty much ruined. if jgs gets rid of his heroic bastard who won the war, there must be something REALLY wrong with him. i imagine it would be rather difficult to find a well-paying job in circumstances like these. on the other hand... lxc could offer both jgy and ms free living quarters in the cloud recesses, as thanks for saving his life and rebuilding his home. jgy wouldn’t be the ~lan-furen~ (sighing forever that the fandom is so set on using this term but ah well) but rather a regular disciple, or perhaps a guest disciple. i... think this would be better than nothing? and as a disciple, he could still technically rise thanks to his own merit and not because someone Up There feels this or that way about him. success!

of course, a perfect situation is jgy shanking jgs earlier and in a slightly different way, but even then i’m wondering because like... i’m not sure if everyone in jinlintai would be ok with jgy installing ~a prostitute~ in there as the current sect leader’s honourable mother. on the other hand, i don’t want jgy to be forced to send her off somewhere safe but remote! i want them to be together! on the other other hand there’s still the qin su situation. although maybe like... maybe meng shi could help there? i don’t know. wait, what was the question again

IN CONCLUSION i would save them all, just because i want them to live (duh) and everyone deserves a living mom who loves them. BUT the poll is merciless, so if i have to choose i’d like to pick an option that’s the most interesting to me, and that’s mama lan and meng shi. and meng shi wins, but not by a large margin! in my dreams there is a long, good fic where they both live :’)

[cynicalmedusa]

Sometimes I think about the grief inherent in the experience for some of us who are genderqueer and/or non-binary and trans. Not just the vague, unexplored grief, but the aware, understood grief and longing as it relates to being embodied. There is pain just in feeling, but there is a deeper pain in knowing.

I think many trans people understand and grapple with the sense of an embodiment that fails to accomplish what the person wants at all times. Whether this is the embodiment that fails through not being right in some way, the embodiment that is never legible, embodiment that is right inconsistently and may only work when recognized by others correctly, the embodiment that is right sometimes and wrong at others, the embodiment that is too much or too little. The people fighting with, altering, and developing their embodiment and the liminal spaces that exist in that journey. The trans individuals whose embodiment needs to change but lack access. Those whose access is tentative and conditional. Those whose bodies do not respond conventionally to intervention, or whose personal response to conventional changes is unexpected. Those for whom the changes are not the purest embodiment that they want, but are better than the unaltered alternative. The list could go on and on. Which is not to say that trans people are necessarily at odds with their embodiment at all or have to be that way in order to be trans; I think the only consistency within identity categories is inconsistency. We are just a coalition of people reaching out for connection and solidarity.

But some of us, regardless of accessibility, cannot make use of anything that is available to us now. Some of us have needs (embodiment-specific, other factors for our minds and bodies) that are fundamentally at odds with the reality of medicine or assistive technologies, and it is unlikely to change enough within our lifetimes. For some of us, it is not the scaremongering about HRT or affirmative surgeries, normative beauty and body standards, the emotional, physical, financial cost. We've maybe experimented with hormones, researched the surgeries, tried out some of the available technologies, considered the options, processed and agonized and wondered and dreamed, and found them all fundamentally at odds with the ways we can best tolerate any embodiment. We may feel failed by all of this, and failed even by communities like trans and queer communities, which quite rightly want to give space to the successes and the ways in which change has helped them be happier, be more themselves. People should be able to be happy in claiming and rewriting their bodies in ways that make them happy; making space for other responses is not betrayal.

It's alright to mourn what cannot be, to recognize the ways in which your society, your communities, available technology, the understanding of your loved ones, the experiences you have had and those available to you, access to funding, the limitations of body and mind, and the ways in which you must approach your life for any reason are unable to meet all your needs for embodiment. It's okay to recognize the impossible and allow yourself to experience the grief rather than sublimate it into some other emotion, to shove it down because it will not do you any good to only live your grief, to be happy for others who are able to carve out an embodiment that works and not sully their happiness or ease with their bodies.

Maybe it is a grief unacknowledged, or unanswered, or impossible to let completely go. Maybe it is hard to accept, when many of us may be better off or worse off than others we are in community with. Maybe even body neutrality cannot help us. Maybe it is negotiated through other identities that add complexity, rage, beauty, joy to our embodiment in some way. Maybe it is all we can do to work towards some form of acceptance and life as we can make it, and not uncontested, uncomplicated joy in our embodiment.

We can struggle with that embodiment, that tension, that wrongness unnamed and it doesn't make us wrong. We are not wrong. You are not wrong, and if you ever felt unrecognized and unseen, I see you.

[unclevladscorner]

Six months Post Top Surgery

It's officially been six months since my top surgery!

I was actually on the fence about top surgery for a long time and I finally committed and had surgery this past March.

The Good: I've been healing well without any complications or infections. Recovery was never very painful, and I was able to go back to work on time. I am a lot happier since I have a chest I actually like, and I've seen a HUGE reduction in dysphoric feelings about my body.

The reduction in dysphoria was actually unexpected. I originally committed to top surgery for purely cosmetic reasons.

The Ugly*- I'm not totally happy with how my nipples look and I'm still carrying some debt from the surgery.

Overall, I have no regrets. I'm still 100% happier after having my chest reconstructed than I was before the procedure. I'll share some images and more details under the cut-

All things said and done, I think everything turned out really well. I opted for a more expensive surgeon and a different type of gender affirming chest masculinization to preserve my nipple sensation.

I got buttonhole, which is the successor to T- anchor. You can read about it here-

So far, so good. Sensation is still returning in my chest, and my right nipple has the same level of sensation as the skin around it. It can take a year or more to regain any erogenous sensation in my nipples, though.

The left one has been a slow healer from the beginning. Slower to lose it's scab, slower to fully heal over, and it's been slower to regain sensation.

Both kind of look like they are 'melting' off my chest because of the big light spots around them and in the healing areola.

Scarring so far is actually really minimal, as you can see. No big dog ears at the sides, either. I had a lateral chest lift included to prevent dog earing.

My biggest scar is on my right side.

I suspect the skin became separated really early into the healing process when I lifted my arm too high over my head, or pulled on something the several days right after surgery. Thankfully the wound did not reopen or anything like that, but my right side was very sore while healing.

Even with my mild dissatisfaction in how my nipples look, I am still really happy with the results overall. I legit did not realize how much having top surgery would improve my overall quality of life.

The relief was almost immediate. It makes me really happy to see a much more masculine chest on my own body. My chest had lost a lot of mass over the last eight years and it was really saggy and unattractive. The change has really positively reinforced how much I feel at home in my own skin.

Working out has been easier, too. I'm at a point now where I can work out regularly, and I am much more comfortable doing so. I won't see any big muscle gains for a bit, but I'm looking forward to redefining my chest further through regular exercise.

For anyone out there on the fence, ow who's scared of getting gender affirming surgery-

-Research is key. What you want and how you want to look is the most important thing to consider. You want to pick someone who is both reputable and will do work you are happy with. It took me two years to pick a surgeon. Look at before and after photos, listen to former patients. There are more variety in what you can get and how the results look than in the past, too.

-Your reason for surgery doesn't have to be deep. I decided to get top surgery for purely cosmetic reasons. The rest has been a bonus.

-Start saving! Save some money now, and Future You will have an easier time doing what you need to do later. It's much easier to meet a small gap in funds through crowdfunding or loans. It can also help build a healthy financial habit you'll keep the rest of your life. Even if you don't know what you might want or need later, having money in the bank will make that possible. It doesn't have to be a lot, even $10-$20 a month will get you started and build the habit.

No matter what, remember that your happiness and comfort is more important than anything. Get joy where you can, and take care of yourself!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

I don't get it whenever AU fics make Steve and/or Bucky rich and wealthy, as if one of their key characterizations isn't that they came from nothing, especially Steve being the orphaned only son of an Irish immigrant at a time in the US when that was discriminated against, and how the mindset of their upbringing informs their characterization after becoming legends.

Whenever fics make an AU where one or both are just random stinking rich guys with a completely different famous rich guy personality, it feels like how the MCU's "Peter Parker" isn't a working class kid from Queens as is instead a Stark Industries trust fund baby. So many superheroes being poor is an important facet of their characters, so why are fans afraid of broke heroes?

I get why you wouldn't enjoy that--especially if Steve and/or Bucky are the type of wealthy where it's generational wealth that passes down as opposed to becoming rich later in life due to the (nonreal) "American Dream"--but I also understand that to some degree, for some people, Steve and Bucky are characters that meet over and over again no matter the time period, no matter the universe, no matter what. So it's fun to put them in all different circumstances to see them come together again. True love. Soul mates. It's also fun to tell stories with these fascinating characters in all different circumstances, some of which negate different social locations or different upbringing. It does change who they are to some degree, yeah. That is unavoidable. Personally, when I do read those types of AUs, I think it's just a different shade of Bucky or Steve. And no one has to like those shades or has to accept them as the characters in their "true" form. That's fine. Just try not to interact with those forms of fandom content if it's not your thing, no biggie.

I do have to say, though, yeah, the MCU making Peter Parker into Tony Start 2.0 is really disappointing when you compare him to the comic book iterations of Peter Parker.

As far as fans being "afraid" of broke characters, I don't think it's fear as much as it's social conditioning--we live in a capitalist hellscape. Money is survival. Money is seen as the ultimate goal, especially in the United States. Sure, money can't bring you ultimate happiness, but money can solve a lot of day-to-day problems and even year-to-year stresses and make you happier than you might be when you don't have money. Escaping those problems by providing characters in a fictional world that resembles the real world (re: a capitalist Western world) with wealth is a comfort. It's something that you might like to have to have happiness or comfort but might not be able to reach otherwise. Plus, saying a character is rich can provide a magic explanation for why they can afford dream-like vacations or time off work (or no work at all) or whatever good circumstances they're set in. Also, money is everywhere yet so secretive, too. It's hard not to wonder how the 1% live or fantasize about how they might live.

There are plenty of reasons to make characters rich in the same way there are plenty of reasons to make characters poor. Like, it's exhausting to be financially unstable; so, it might be cathartic to have a character go through that exhaustion in fiction sometimes, but it can also be draining to experience that then write about it. And that exhaustion and experience can motivate characters in certain directions. Etc.

Those are just my thoughts, though 🤷🏻‍♂️

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hi there!

I'm here for the archetype game and i followed all rules. So excited!

My name is Anya. Initials - AJ. I'm a huge procrastinator so most of the times I cannot beat it. But my go to tips would be just sit down and count 5-1 and get to work as soon as possible.

Answer to the question - if I wear a wild animal, I would probably be a deer. Someone very common and shy. And i feel like I'm ordinary. Tho when people get to know me, I turn out to be the weirdest and goofiest person ever. But on the outside, I'm definitely quiet, shy and resting bitch face kinda.

Thats all. I'm looking forward to your reply, this seems like a productive game. Thank you for your time and energy 💗

Hi Anya/ AJ,

Thank you for participating in my ARCHETYPE ask game.

I had some time so I decided to accept your request.

I haven't heard this tip before! Pause, count down from 5 to 1,t hen get to work. Isn't this like a deep breathing exercise? Fascinating, I wanna try this out!

Deers aren't common(maybe it's a regional thing) but they do seem quite shy~ And did see random funny and goofy videos about them. But look like at this and tell me they aren't so freaking adorable!

So let’s get to your cards, shall we: IV the Eternal Child, Ace of Coins, Page of Wands

So the archetype you are suggested to embody is the ETERNAL CHILD.

When it comes to this archetype, it's about embracing the parts of you that stay optimistic and hopeful for a better future. It's the part of you that still dreams of a happier and simpler life. The side of you that chooses to still see the good in others and in yourself.

To embody this archetype, you are free to rekindle previous joys and passions you had growing up. Learn for the sake of learn, live for the sake of living. Enjoy life as it unfolds and try yourself to not be bogged by societal constraints and burdens given by society. If you feel like learning how to dance, sign up to that dance class. If you wanted to draw or paint, go get that sketchbook and start. If you wanted to learn a language and travel, take notes and practice speaking and reading, then book that flight.

This archetype invites you to do things for the sake of doing it, not because it pays well, not because you have to, but simply because you want to, because it brings you joy. So do that marathon, eat that cake, try out bungee jumping, do things that bring you joy!

And the actionable steps you are encouraged to incorporate in your life are being open and on the look out for anything that excites you! Let yourself go on an adventure. Travel as much as you financially could. Don't blow your money all away, just plan out trips and classes that you are interested in, all within your means. Invest in experiences, not just properties. Balance out your life as an adult, to fund the desires of your inner child.

This concludes the end of your reading.

Do let me know how this resonates.

Feel free to send me some love and support via my Buy me a Coffee Link here.

Always remember, this reading is for entertainment purposes only. What you do with this information is up to your free will.

Take care always, okay?

[jellimac-sims-stories]

Error Code Baby

---

The story of a Lost Eden Rose out of her depth

---

Shit!

I just found out I'm eating for two.

Who's the guy though? No, I'm careful. There are only two guys I'd let fuck me without wrapping up. Well, only three guys but one of those guys hasn't been coming around as much lately.

Sergio. Jonah. And Josh.

It could be one of theirs. Maybe.

Sergio is pretty good-looking; very lean, olive-toned skin, dark hair in a caesar haircut. He's an interesting lover; kinda rough but he makes sure you're okay with what he wants to do before he does it. I know he hates kids but I could probably convince him to pay child support if it's his. I know he's good for it. I heard a rumor he has a safe full of cash on the top floor of his penthouse apartment. Looks like my kids’ university fund would be taken care of.

Then there is Jonah. Just saying his name makes me feel happier. We're practically best friends. I'd say he's like a brother to me if weren't doing the nasty. Like most guys, I met him at the gym. He was just a rising star celebrity back then and everyone was sweet on him. He's got that James Dean swagger, a gorgeous smile, the cutest dimples, and full kissable lips. He had red hair when I met him that's now bleached blond. It looks good on him. I think anything would look good on or off of him if you know what I mean.

He's lean but ripped. He even has those Adonis muscles on his obliques. He's got a body that fucks like that's what it was made for and he makes mine feel like the most precious gold, a jewel-encrusted thing in his strong arms. His skin is almost always sun-kissed and is accentuated with the nicest tattoos I've ever seen. I nearly drool every time I see him take his clothes off and I see it a lot.

Lastly, we have my boyfriend Josh. I’m using that title very loosely. It would be a disaster if it was Josh's. He has no money and no goals for his future. He'd probably want to marry me and then I'd be stuck taking care of two babies! Don't get me wrong if we had a baby together I wouldn't be that put out. He is cute with his dark red hair and tattoos but he’s lackluster in bed and I just can't imagine being tied to the bum for my entire life. This is so not the way a girl should be thinking about the guys she’s dating but I just don't think I'm the marrying type. Especially not to him...

Curious what Antonella will do? Read the whole story on my AO3.

[0daytrick0]

Week one update for work

It's been a week so far. The days are definitely going quicker. And it's been alot to take on.

As of Monday I have taken up a reliever role within the hospital within administration, surgical and theatre. I spent Monday and Tuesday getting a feel for the place. Understanding how the programs work and fullfilling my mandatory modules. Today I spent the whole day in administration completing patient paper work and organising apointments. Let me just say this... I know we all hate how much paperwork we have to fill out when we go into the hospital, but it's NOTHING compared to the amount of paperwork I have to fill out for each individual wanting to book an appointment. Don't get me started on the program we use! It's probably older than your grandma and is in a desperate need of updating and revamping. The program used to fill out for patients is literally straight out of a fallout game. The program is so ancient and tedious. So much time AND money could be saved if someone just paid someone to upgrade it. Cause GODDAMN MAN. I can't just click a box to fill it in, I gotta go through a whole procedure just to get there. And if I need to go back on a mistake. I CANT. Not untill I've filled the rest of the document out and reached the bottom. Then it will allow me to go back to what I missed. It's just so dumb and it's literally the only thing that's holding me back from learning.

Anywho! I could probably go on forever about it, but I will continue on. My life at the moment has been busy. My younger sibling graduated highschool and my family dog passed away i last week. An emotional week to say the least.

But in good news I have finally learnt how to use make-up. I used to HATE foundation, but with the help of a friend to colour match and watching an ASMR artist so her makeup, I have taught myself how to apply foundation, bronzer, blush and highlights. Now when I work at the hospital I can look the part.

I am currently obsessed with buying new stuff for work. I have this bag I really want to purchase but currently do not have the funds for it. It's called Julie Vintage Vegan Briefcase bag. It looks perfect and would suit my job so much!! At the moment the bag I have is just a cheap shein tote bag and it is terrible at holding all of my things. It was perfect for retail but terrible for the hospital. I also desire to purchase a phone case, pencil case, some notebooks and of course a cool lenyard for my hospital ID. NattyKat currently have some really cool lenyards. Redbubble currently has these really witchy phone covers, notebooks and pencil cases. I don't get paid for at least 2 and a bit weeks from now, so it will have to wait until then...

In other news I am officially a CQU student. I was accepted into central Queensland University as of last week and I couldn't be happier. I still have to enroll and pick my subjects but I should get an email next week helping me with all of that. I will once again be back on track to do a bachelor of psychological science and HOPEFULLY (with my job in the hospital) I will be able to get a position within mental health once my contracts ends next March. That's the goal at least!

Today I went grocery shopping after work and went way over budget. It's frustrating but I needed food for work. I can't just eat what's in the fridge or eat nothing at all with all the brain power I'm using. I will hopefully be getting a massive paycheck when I do get paid, so fingers crossed it's okay I splurged a little.

My 21sr birthday is coming up next weekend and I am planning on going camping and taking my 4wd out for the first time. It's been getting worked on since I bought it but fingers crossed it will be fixed enough by next weekend so I can actually take it out. I currently do not have a car and it's been frustrating to say the least. But soon, everything will hopefully fall into place since I now have an income on-top of my partner. As let me tell yah, living on one income whilst living in your own is just not doable for a long period of time. Trying to buy car parts in between all of that just barely making it to get food on the table. I can't believe we did it as long as we did. But you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.

As of right now it is 9.10pm and I am planning to get up at 5am tomorow morning to get ready for work at 7.00am. I got my period tonight so I will have no choice but to take a quick shower tomorow morning before getting dressed and doing my makeup and hair. My hair ATM is in DESPERATE need of a healing transformation. It's is so dead and untamed that doing it in the morning is a suicide mission for my arms and back. It's super curly and notty and messy. The humidity from the summer rain is not helping at the moment either. I might plan to straighten it on the weekend so I can make my life a little easier next week. A high ponytail with straight hair would do everyone a favour.

Anywho. I definitely need to go to bed now. Wish me luck on actually falling asleep when my mind is racing as fast as it is