#i was just thinking this though and... its because i have chronic pain and chronic fatigue??
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people with chronic pain and chronic fatigue will be like why does it hurt and why am I so tired
#i cannot stress enough how#i am people#people is me#i dont know whh i forget so often#i was just thinking this though and... its because i have chronic pain and chronic fatigue??#yeah#anyway#heds#chronic pain#chronic fatigue
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I have a question, but it may be already have been answered in the story (my brain is just not the best with memory).
Since vampirism symbolises for you chronical illness (which, omg, that is a hot take I've never thought off before and love from now on), does Steve count as chronical ill, too, with the whole halfvampire thing going on? So, would his uncontrollable time jumping each month be a symptom of that chronical illness?
not in the story, no worries! Just a possible interpretation and my personal intent when writing.
As a small aside I personally don't like to think of chronic illness as something that people "count" as, so to speak, it's an extremely personal label and incredibly varied between individuals and as with all disability there is never such thing as hard lines or black and white... but I understand why you worded it that way and I understand what you're asking.
So, yes, Steve is also chronically ill within this framework. The entire comic is sort of shaped around this, to be honest! I mean he canonically has some pretty extreme memory issues... He's also canonically homeless (not that this is an illness but I just mean it's something I think most people forget about him when discussing him). And, yes, his condition is uncontrollable and is severely impacting his ability to live the life he wants to live.
He has just been barely coping up to the point we meet him, and has been very desperate which is what led him to creating that list of deviations. He has periods where his body is out of his control, he is unable to form relationships, he hurts others without meaning or wanting to... Yeah. He's metaphorically relating to a lot of things, really.
So, yknow, you're welcome to interpret him as you'd like! for me I relate a lot with my various issues and conditions and thus that's why I've projected on him the way I have, but of course I would understand entirely different interpretations of what is inherently metaphorical.
#I also have an extremely personal relationship with addiction#and also with anger management issues#among other things#uhm#and so reading this I think it is possible for someone to read that into it as well#however personally I dont really like vampires as a metaphor for addiction... for many reasons but#I think it's also just a bit messier than I would like things to be#and isnt how I really would personally choose to portray an addict at all.#though I do think of addiction as an illness as well so. as I was writing this I was sort of seeing glimpses of that as well#so. idk!#interpret how you like.#I mean as long as the interpretation isnt erasing his very real struggle#he is straight up homeless because of an uncontrollable condition that he has#so like. it's serious#I recognize that the way I write sort of puts a happy go lucky veneer over things#and I'm aware that it sort of hinders the severity of the situation somewhat inherently#to where people have been SHOCKED I look at steve as chronically ill when he... the entire comic is based around it...#my personal theory for this is that I uhm. me and my worlds are very accomodating and so the struggles are more internal#rather than necessarily external#besides of course the like cops being after him#but like because it's less societal and more internal I think many people don't recognize it#and because people are gentle and understanding I think they recognize it less...#I dont know how to explain this properly you will have to forgive me.#but it's something I wonder on often. why don't people recognize his extreme pain and his terrible situation for what it is..?#is it cause he has a rich boyfriend now and money is solving the situation or...#anyways.#anon#asks#if its simply because of how I write I think I need to work on that.#but if its because of people not recognizing illnesses in people who 'seem fine/happy' then I'm glad to make people second guess things
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status of the now. i have not slept its 5am
#i am so tired but theres so much i need to do and i wont get it done if i sleep#because like ive been putting off showering and cleaning for multiple days now because i keep blacking out#and then shocker! person with chronic pain and probable heart issues is too tired to do anything but doomscroll in bed eat and then pass out#i wish i was like seven again so i could get rewarded for very menial tasks#give me a small dollar tree knick knack for brushing my teeth#i did not get knick knacks for chores at age seven but hypothetically#not a depressive episode but ive had zero motivation for anything lately#and i think its just because of my poor self care as of the past few weeks#its so hard to stay. in a routine though when you need to sit on the floor because you wiped down the counters#showering is such an ordeal i always narrowly avoid passing out#i need a shower chair probably but my parents would be pissy so sigh#also i dont own one#told alfie this already but i should invest in a walker#theres dust building in my room again too because i dont have the energy to stand on a chair and clean it#that and the last time i stood on a chair and blacked out and fell off#love being disabled slash ess#skyler posting#sorry for the rant this is my diary you understand
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so how do I reconcile with just having big baby loser brain that decided I'd be mentally ill and perpetually stuck suffering instead of having just dealt with my shit in a more normal way? or is there some neuroscience that can explains that I don't have a cringefail brain but it's actually something else??
i mean. it's shame. shame I feel for struggling with things i consider i shouldn't struggle with, which i guess is kinda stupid bcs when i take a step back i realize it's understandable that im struggling with certain things ive lived through. being stuck in them doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm willing to accept that my past shaped me. not to mention that I'm also somehow kind of constantly going through really hard situations on top of also dealing with my past? but it also all (mental illness and emotional sensitivity, I mean) started with something, and my early childhood was my parents getting divorced.
but I consider that banal, plenty of parents get divorced and it doesn't mean their kid suffers from treatment-resistant depression and ptsd. I guess divorce is so normalized now that i don't consider it a valid thing to be traumatized over, at least not to the extent to which ive experienced symptoms. but I was separated from one parent, always missing one or the other, without any explanation that could make sense to a child's brain about why any of this happened and why i have to suffer because of it. can I get rid of the shame by validating the struggles I went through? would that make me feel better about having been disabled by my life experiences?
#personal#me#mental health#i don't mean this as an insult to other people who also struggle with the same shit i struggle with#its just rn im in quite an awful state and its a question that keeps replaying#but writing this out did make me realize how cruel it is to think this of myself ig#it doesnt make the thought any less extant though.#like is it that my brain and biology were structured this way? did i have a predisposition and then life events made me develop like thi#this*#its also possible its autism. but i don't know enough to know how to cope with that either.#from what I've gathered it means i actually have a genetic difference that made me more vulnerable to emotional difficulties?#i dont know what the point of finding out the answer to this is either. i guess to justify why its okay for me to be like this.#because so far it doesn't seem right. it doesnt make sense that i have this many mental issues.#maybe my expectations are unrealistic.#idk my psych at some point said i have these things in place so i wouldnt just fully lose my mind.#and i thought id gotten to a place where i didnt need dissociation as a coping tool anymore#but then more things that are super overwhelming keep happening in my life#and chronic pain plus sensory issues arent things that make you want to be present in your body either tbf
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listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"
like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.
#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore#its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household#ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail#whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes#ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out#of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally#and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me#they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can#they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition#they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me#by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once#ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point#and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on#while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems#mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is#instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world#and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life#mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad#im so fucking tired!#3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw
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listen i dont like fëanor but i can't deny that getting so mad you literally burst into flames and crumble away into ash is kinda fucking relatable
#i was about to go “do i have to tag this for spoilers” in my own head as though the silm isnt literally older than me#tbf not as many people read it as lotr or the hobbit but still. come on brain wtf#esp since someone would have to be really weird to come on my blog specifically to complain about spoilers lmao#i do think its funny I've only now gotten around to readinf it but its taking me so long to make myself listen to it that i keep forgetting#things especially in the really long chapters#to the extent now i find myself going “oh maybe i need to write down names because of course everyone has to start with an f”. i was doing#okay and then i went a really long time without reading so now im like wait wait go back#which sucks because i usually dont have trouble getting through long books. admittedly i listen more than read lately#but still. i think it took me maybe a week to get through priory the first time? like i dont think its that im not interested i just havent#had a lot of energy to expend or to get really into things? idk i keep forgetting from finals up till now has been extra bad in terms of..#..pain. chronic migraines gonna migraine ig. i bitch about it like i havent lived this way for years n years. but they were never as bad..#..until i started college and now theyve been worse than ever. i hate thinking about how much time i always lose. how much time ill always#be losing. sorry how the fuck did this turn into a tangent.
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.
#found a picture of me in a dress from last year#and realized i tried that dress on the other day and have a photo that looks almost exactly like it#same pose and everything#checked the date and realized that i took them (unknowingly) almost exactly one year apart. the difference is only like two or three days#and its just weird cause like. ive lost a fairly significant amount of weight since then#and what they dont tell you about growing up not skinny is that if you do lose weight at some point and become smaller#it doesnt necessarily feel good?? yknow? like in your brain i mean.#i feel so incredibly weird about it. especially seeing the side by side.#and its also not that i think that i wasnt pretty even though i was not confident in myself at all. cause i was! i think i was at least#and i think im pretty now too. but i think the feeling of weirdness comes from the fact that most people would look at those photos and go#'oh you look so much better/healthier now!' or something along those lines.#like other people would see me now as an improvement rather than the exact same guy just at a different stage in my life#does that make sense?? i hope so#its hard to convey this idea#idk. its weird. i like the way i fit into clothes better and i like the way my body handles my chronic pain a bit better now#but i feel a lot of guilt for thinking that way because i have quite literally never looked like this before#and if im happiest with the way i look now then what does that mean for the body i had my whole life before this? makes me sad a bit :(#ive always wanted to love every version of myself#but god it is so hard to do that when fatphobia is raging and rampant literally everywhere#aiilov-personal
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Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.
#it at least gave me the single molecule of mental energy required to force myself to eat at least one slice of bread#because it's like the physical energy is there sure but mentally I'm like 'noooooo I don't want to eat anything i hate food#all food tastes bad and i hate life and i want to eat nothing at all and furthermore i need to lose weight so i should starve myself'#I'm thinking that it might actually make me last until I either convince the crisis center that I'm for fucking real for real#or until my appointment with the school counselor. which idk when would be because i was supposed to go on the#2nd of April but i guess there might be holidays because he called me when i was atva lecture but i couldn't take it#because i had a lecture and he hasn't called since but I'm assuming#that hell call again and that he wants to let me know that the date is impossible#but I want to like wait and see what he says. and if he goes like 'oh actually im on a long vacay now goodbye forever'#or whatever I'll just go '...slay' and ride my ass to the hospital tomorrow.#show up at the crisis centre looking exactly like the patients with chronic pain who report pain 7 while looking unphased#like 'hello i am an active danger to myself I can't get out of bed most days; i need 16 hours of sleep to function for 4 hours#my meds have stopped working I haven't eaten anything but exactly 2 pancakes and a slice of bread in the past 4 days#and i exhibit a strong refusal to change this marked by thoughts present in people affected by eating disorders. no activity#feels fun anymore and they were marked by a strong sense of anxiety a few days ago but now i just feel nothing at all.#at this point I'm not even refusing to do any of my hobbies because im increasingly afraid of failure and its#consequences while being hunted for sport by anxiety from the opposite end telling me that i need to finish 50 masterpieces#immediately or nobody will ever like me again and they'll all see me for the talentless fraud i am. at this point i just don't care.#i don't do anything because i feel sluggish and my body is heavy and I'm so so tired and I'm tired of being awake and I can't think straight#also i think i might be going into a psychotic episode again.'#they're gonna tell me to get the fuck out of their faces anyway but it's worth a try.#like idk i feel like they might kinda listen because yesterday I guess they wouldn't have but today i have stopped caring about cars#and looking both ways. which is like. not a good sign probably. also yesterday i was still somewhat able to talk to people#even though i was in a very irritated and drained out state but today I'm feeling like if anyone even fucking attempts to talk to me#or if i hear any loud fucking sound at all I'm just gonna punch myself in the head until the pain drowns out all the sound
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Just a reminder if you decide to illegally take a wild animal from the wild for yourself, even if you have the best interests at heart, you could be killing it.
If you feed it the wrong diet you can cause it's bones to break or other diseases associated with mineral imbalances. If you feed it too much you could cause issues associated with obesity including excessive fat stores.
If you aren't a trained wildlife rehabilitator you won't understand the importance of preventing imprinting or humanising. So you'll cuddle it, play with it, and let your pets play with it. So it will think it can only get food from humans, and that humans and domestic pets are part of its family.
If you take it while it's still young it won't learn the necessary foraging and social skills from its parents to survive in the wild. You might joke you don't even need a cage for it, but it isn't able to go anywhere because you've made it dependant on you.
If you aren't a wildlife carer or in the animal health industry you might not realise it's injured and needs treatment. This could lead to broken bones setting in ways that the animal can't perform normal functions and suffering from a life of chronic pain. Or it could lead to it suffering a slow and agonising death.
You might also not be aware that wildlife can contain diseases that can make you sick or even kill you. You could put yourself and your loved ones at risk of serious zoonotic diseases by bringing it home.
And, if you are found to be illegally holding a wild animal without the intention of rehabilitating and releasing it, the authorities are stuck. They can't release the animal because it thinks humans and domestic pets are friends. It can't forage for itself. It can't socialise with its own kind. It could have injuries or diet associated diseases that mean it can't perform normal functions, or is suffering from chronic pain. If they released it, it would die.
Is it fair for that animal that your choices have led to it not being able to experience its life in the wild as it should?
If you take something from the wild and intend to keep it, I hope this makes you think twice.
These kinds of stories are all over social media now, but none of them tell this side. They normalise putting a wild animal though an incredibly stressful experience purely for likes and engagement.
If you want to be a hero, get accredited to be a wildlife rehabilitator. Join an amazing network of compassionate humans just like you who understand that wild things should be wild, and do everything they can to get them back there.
If you find a wild animal and you're not sure what to do, call your local veterinary clinic or wildlife rehabilitation group. Trust that we have the knowledge to make the best choices for that animal. And if you want to make those choices, join us.
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Thawing Out
summary: You and Sirius are in dire need of a new coach just weeks before the Olympics. Remus is a former figure skating prodigy forced to retire after a career-ending injury. Though it's not smooth skating right away, those stiff Olympic village beds are dying to be broken in.
collab with @ellecdc
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16
cw: modern au, chronic pain
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words
Remus still wakes before dark every morning. It’s automatic, an urgency and excitement that thrums through him like an old instinct, born from years of his alarm clock rousing him at this time. The rink is always at its best right now, when they’ve just finished resurfacing the ice and no one else is around. It was Remus��� favorite time to practice.
Now, he has a new reason to get up. His hip clicks as he does it, so he starts his day with a couple of proactive painkillers. If he really wanted to be proactive he would stretch like he’s supposed to, but there’s no time and Remus doesn’t feel like it. He’ll pay his toll for the negligence later.
The webpage of his Airbnb boasted a five-minute walk to the rink, but with his hip it takes Remus seven. It’s like an odd sort of muscle memory, an old routine from another life that feels as bitter as it does comfortable. He heads out early to give himself some cushion. The streets are empty but for bakers and baristas, the first hints of dawn tinging the sky a deep blue. When he turns a corner and the rink comes into view, the absence of his bag hanging from his shoulder is a phantom ache.
The front doors are locked but the side one staff uses isn’t, the Zamboni driver already inside. Remus lets himself in, makes a cup of tea from the hot water dispenser they leave out when concessions are closed, plants himself on a bench, and waits.
And waits.
And waits.
Remus has nearly nodded off when two pairs of shoes come bounding up to him. Well, one pair bounds. The other drags.
“Hi, sorry we’re late.” You’re breathless and hauling a sullen-looking boy along behind you by the hand, but you manage a smile when Remus looks up at you. “I had to run over and get him out of bed. It’s good to meet you!”
You hold out your untethered hand. Remus might normally stand to take it, but he no longer feels like doing you the courtesy. Your grip is firm and warm.
“You were supposed to be here at six,” he says.
You wince. “I know. Sorry, Sirius is really not a morning person.”
Remus thinks that he might put more stock into your apologies if you looked a tad more contrite. As it is, your countenance is almost cheery, a fizzy eagerness about you as you look between him and the ice like you can’t wait to get out on it.
In stark contrast, the ill-tempered boy behind you seems not to have a clue where he is. He looks rumpled and disoriented, squinting in the rink’s fluorescent light.
“Then why didn’t you pick another time?” Remus asks.
He hadn’t realized he was still looking at Sirius, or that the other boy could talk, so it’s a surprise when he answers. “Wasn’t my bloody idea.”
By the way you grin, Remus wonders if you’ve even heard the obvious bitterness in your partner’s tone, or whether it’s gone straight over your head.
“I like the rink better early,” you explain. “No one else ever comes before the hockey practice starts at nine, and they’ll have just finished resurfacing the ice.”
Begrudgingly, Remus nods. “I always preferred it about now, too.”
He realizes immediately that his agreement was a mistake, because your smile grows into something far too brilliant for the early hour. Christ, what has he gotten himself into? There’s you, starry-eyed and effervescing all over the place, and your partner, who looks more inclined to fall asleep on your shoulder than put on his skates.
And this is the pair skating duo Remus is supposed to take to the Olympics.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“Watch that back foot!” Remus shouts across the ice.
Sirius doesn’t look happy about it, but he corrects the placement of his skate, transitioning smoothly into the next synced turn.
“Good,” Remus murmurs to himself.
Once Sirius got out on the ice and woke up a bit, he was good. He skates with the technical proficiency of someone who’s been in the sport since before they started primary school, and the intuitive artistry of someone who loves it. You’re much the same, though your virtuosity and obvious competence are consistently undercut by hesitation, the grace of your movements interrupted when you second-guess yourself. But these—technical prowess paired with devotion—are the basics of what makes a good figure skater. You’ll have to be flawless if you want to do well at the Olympics.
And Remus has found many flaws.
“No, no—shit!” Remus stands as you fall out of your jump again, catching yourself on your forearms. “You’re still under-rotating! Come on!”
Sirius snarls a quick “Hey!” over his shoulder before turning his back on Remus, going to help you up. He speaks to you quietly, checking you over as you stand. Remus seethes.
He has no clue why he’s been called out here to coach a pair. Remus doesn’t know pairs, has never been a part of one. He was a solo skater. And frankly, it makes him wary that what’s supposed to be the best skating pair in Britain has asked him, a former solo skater who’s been isolated from the figure skating community in general for the past two years, to coach them. But Remus does know figure skating. And he knows when skaters are making stupid mistakes behind their skill level.
“What aren’t you understanding?” asks Remus as you skate back to the edge of the rink. He really wants to know. “It’s simple. You can do this.” He knows he could have. As easy as breathing, and he would kill to have the chance again.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Sirius’ glare is sharp as knives. He steps off the ice before you can, positioning himself between you and Remus. Your lips purse with a knowing sort of apprehension.
“Sirius…”
“No, you don’t talk to her like that,” Sirius spits. “It was a tiny mistake.”
Remus raises his eyebrows, incredulous. “I’m trying to help her! It was a giant mistake, with a simple fix. You ought to be telling her the same, unless you’re okay with your partner snapping her ankle weeks out from competition.”
“None of that means you get to fucking yell at her! Who do you think you are?”
“Okay—”
“I’m her coach,” says Remus, voice rising, “and—”
“Then coach her! Maybe if you’d give some actual fucking feedback instead of just nitpicking—”
“Okay!” Your shout cuts through the space, echoing in the empty rink and silencing the other two. “That’s enough.”
You haul Sirius back by his shoulder. Your grip doesn’t look severe enough to move him, but he goes, stepping back to your side. His eyes never leave Remus’.
Your own gaze jumps between both boys, that same spark he’d seen in you earlier burning with a different light.
“Let’s call it for today,” you say firmly. “Okay? We’ll try again tomorrow.”
Neither boy speaks, though Remus nods. It seems to be taking all of Sirius’ willpower to bite his tongue. He gets the impression it isn’t something he succeeds at often, so Remus isn’t ashamed to say that it brings him a perverse sort of joy to see it now. His tiny bit of smugness fizzles out, though, when your eyes land on him. There’s something desolate in your expression that’s a salient deviation from how you’d looked at him before. Remus has the sinking feeling that he’s disappointed you. It’s more distressing than he can account for.
“We’ll be here on time tomorrow,” you say in that same steady tone. “And my jump, I’ll work on it.”
Remus nods again. You return it, and when you turn to leave, you drag Sirius after you by his shirtsleeve, picking up your bags along your way. Remus’ mouth feels dry. His lips are chapped, his fingertips hurt from the cold, and the sight of your skates sinking into the rubbery floor makes his hip ache terribly.
It’s only once you’re nearly out of earshot that he manages to mumble, “Thank you.”
#poly!wolfstar olympic au#poly!wolfstar#poly!wolfstar x reader#poly!wolfstar x fem!reader#poly!wolfstar x y/n#poly!wolfstar x you#poly!wolfstar x self insert#poly!wolfstar fanfiction#poly!wolfstar fanfic#poly!wolfstar fic#poly!wolfstar series#poly!wolfstar enemies to lovers#poly!wolfstar angst#poly!wolfstar fluff#poly!wolfstar imagine#poly!wolfstar scenario#poly!wolfstar drabble#poly!wolfstar blurb#poly!wolfstar oneshot#poly!wolfstar one shot#remus lupin x sirius black#remus lupin x sirius black x reader#wolfstar x reader#sirius black#remus lupin#figure skater!sirius#figure skater!reader#coach!remus#sirius black x reader#remus lupin x reader
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Can you tell us a little about your Wade?
Wade Wilson is an incredibly bitter and angry man. Funny, though. Because humor is the defense mechanism that keeps his mouth running so he doesn't have to listen to himself think.
But he only ever talks about what he feels. Never about his feelings. Those are dangerous. Despite the endless chatter, he's incredibly guarded and keeps his deepest darkest secrets locked tight.
Like how he's always wanted to be good, but doesn't really believe in it anymore because every instance of his life has stripped that faith from him. He doesn't believe in much, especially himself.
He's also incredibly lonely, but has given up on sustaining meaningful relationships. Wade is a mess. Everything in his head is mixed up in a cacophony of noise and chronic pain. All his coping mechanisms are just advanced forms of running away from himself (hyperfixations/substance abuse/self harm/killing), so its only fitting that others run away too.
And people never want what's past the walls, so he leans into it, pushing and twisting the knife just to see how fast he can get people to leave because the game was always rigged- so he might as well win first. And because he'd rather kill himself (and does) than be vulnerable with others.
But the need is still there. Wade takes all the physical and emotional trauma and turns it around, using pain to cope with pain, and hypersexualizing violence to fulfill his need for intimacy.
As a merc, he's damn good at what he does. Wade is smarter than he portrays and is incredibly competent. He enjoys the violence, especially when people can give as good as they get. He has some morals, but those are hanging on a frayed thread on the best of days.
Most days he feels untethered, a piece of driftwood being tossed and turned in an turbulent sea. But there's two new figures in his life that give him something to hyperfixate on. Might as well see how much of a beating they can take before they inevitably leave him too.
(This is also one of the first questions I ever got- I am SO sorry lmaoo- I hope it satisfies!)
#hunting!spider lore#hunting!spider art#Deadpool#I draw him goofy for asks and shenanigans but ya boi is really a psychotic/toxic mess#Wade continually throws himself at people just to see how fast he can break them#its easier to make people leave than be left#local merc uses self harm like others would use weed#as to why he's always wanted to be good- captain america was his favorite hero!! Thats saying something!!!
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pls write anything for edward ily
using this as an excuse to post horny eddie headcanons >:3 (i love you too!!)
edward nashton x gn reader nsfw headcanons
amab reader inclusive !!
cw: pegging, power dynamics, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, jealousy, possessive behavior.
—
♡ okay first off. its 3 inches soft, 5 inches hard, pink tip, very thick. stretches you out very nicely.
♡ frequently jerks off. (insert paul dano chronic masturbater image) he has to beat his meat at least a couple times a day. plus i think he'd wake up with morning wood constantly. he has to crank one out as quick as he can if he doesnt want to be late for work, or else hes going in public with a hard on. (he's done it before and it was agony. its your fault he was hard. what have you done)
♡ he would never tell a single soul what kind of porn he watches. but i will, because im the one writing this post
♡ hes embarrassed about how much he enjoys the idea of you pegging him if ya dont have the necessary bits. the first video he watched of someone absolutely railing a guys ass, he got so painfully hard in an instant. ended up not being able to keep himself quiet as he furiously stroked his throbbing dick while he clamped his hand over his mouth for some sort of noise control.
♡ the first time he tried to fuck his own ass was a challenge. yes, his fingers sufficed, they were long enough to reach the right spot, but he didnt know lube was necessary (inexperienced virgin moment) so he just stuck them in dry, and that along with the pain of stretching himself open made for an unpleasant insertion. but he eventually got the hang of it and shot a massive load all over his stomach in like three minutes.
♡ huge praise kink. i'd say he has more of a thing for being praised than degraded, although he likes both. nobody has said a kind word to him in his life, rarely even a simple "thank you". he needs you to tell him hes good, that hes doing so well taking your strap, devouring your cunt, sucking your cock- anything. he just wants to hear that hes doing a good job, and that someone thinks positively of him for once, in a non-sexual context as well.
♡ but he also enjoys when youre a little mean to him in the bedroom, of course. he fucking loves being manhandled, choked, slapped, spit on, or having his dick or ass used just for your pleasure.
♡ LOVES EATING PUSSY!!!! the taste, the smell, the slick and cum all over his face while he grinds against the mattress, getting off to your moans- its all so incredibly hot to him. he'll literally beg to eat you out.
♡ loves sucking dick too!!! he loves taking your cock as far down his throat as he can, usually ending up gagging on it, but hes trying his best. and you know, practice makes perfect, and god, does he love practicing on you. your groans as you push his head down further onto your dick is enough to make him cream his pants. loves when you cum all over his face!!!! he prefers tasting you though.
♡ will cum too fast if he doesnt control himself, and thats why he'll edge himself for as long as you need. the overstimulation from edging feels so fucking good to him, so he really doesnt mind at all if chasing your orgasm takes a while. he gets so drunk off fucking you, he could spend the entire day rutting into your slick warmth.
♡ he can simulate that fantasy by letting you cockwarm him all night, or while hes doing paperwork, or just when youre cuddling on the couch. he cant get enough of being inside of you, he always wants more.
♡ sometimes he'll have to pull out of you and squeeze the base of his cock while he takes slow breaths to stop himself from cumming, his bottom lip crushed painfully between his teeth as sweat drips from his forehead, eyes squeezed shut while he lets out several high pitched whimpers at every exhale. its a pretty sight.
♡ hes veryyy vocal. even if he tried to be quiet he cannot shut up to save his life. has to at least whisper frantic, slurred praises into your ear about how good you feel, how beautiful/handsome/amazing you are, and how you take his cock so well like your holes were made to fit him inside of you, like a puzzle piece- his way of putting it into words.
♡ you were the missing piece in his life for so long, being inside of you is the closest he'll ever get to becoming one with a devine being such as you. he truly does worship you.
♡ hes even louder when hes close, rambling about how bad he wants to fill your tight little hole with his cum, and how good you feel milking his cock.
♡ he loves to edge you as much as he does to himself. your desperate pleads and whines for release, the release that is in his power to take away from you, gives him a blissful feeling of control. he'll make you beg for him to keep fucking you with his fingers, stroking your dick- whatever it would be, he wants to hear you cry for him. he thinks youre so lovely when you cry.
♡ he can be mean about it too. sometimes he'll listen and keep pleasuring you, but goes agonizingly slow, just to hear you beg for it harder, faster, just to make your pretty eyes gloss over with tears. he'll just giggle at you looking so pathetic under him, the knowledge of the state you're in being because of what hes doing to you gets him so excited.
♡ wipes away your tears with his thumb while mockingly cooing about how he knows it hurts, but youre just not asking nice enough.
♡ it honestly just gives him a major power trip. he's like this more often when he's in his riddler getup. you know, the thing about being his true self under the mask, no shame, no limits, blah blah.
♡ not to say he cant be submissive when hes the riddler. because you can totally make him drop the scary, dominant act in like 2 seconds. hes not as tough as he feels in the costume.
♡ but if you let him indulge in his heightened ego he'll make sure you cant even stand up for a couple hours. he got too sillygoofy (wrecked ur guts with his dick) sorry
♡ he's so easy to turn on. it's he really just you being you that gets him so worked up. woke up to your sleepy, angelic self cuddled up next to him? horny. you gave him a hug that lingered for too long? horny. youre wearing his jacket that looks adorably big on you? MEGA HORNY.
♡ he just likes when you wear his clothes in general. he'll take any opportunity he can to offer you his clothes. he thinks you look really cute and hot in them and it gets him all flustered.
♡ he cant pick between chest, ass, or thighs. all of them are so good to him. his head between your thighs, or shoved in your chest with his tongue lapping at your nipples, or having his palm full of the plush flesh of your ass while he fucks you from behind- its all so heavenly to him.
♡ hes a tummy guy too. if you have a chubbier tummy he'll go SO nuts over it. he needs to squeeze your love handles or he'll die. he loves tummy rolls too!! he is GOING to drool over your body no matter what size or shape you are.
♡ speaking of your tummy, he likes having his hand on your stomach while he fucks you. its like a reminder of how deep inside of you he is. he loves having you full of him.
♡ loves the idea of breeding you and getting you pregnant, but if you cant, having you full of his cum is still his way of reassuring himself that you belong to him.
♡ hes very possessive when it comes to you. youre the one good thing hes ever had, and hes not letting you go. ever. and he lets you know that with the way he repeats the word "mine" like a mantra against your love bite covered neck.
♡ he gets extremely jealous easily, and the best way to make him feel better is to let him bury himself inside of you and mark up your body to alleviate his insecurities. he'll leave bruises and hickeys in very noticeable spots, and be like "oops, sorry 🥺" but hes absolutely not. he did it on purpose as his way of telling all of gotham "fuck you, theyre mine."
—
oki doki im gonna stop there or this post is gonna be way too long . i have lots of Thoughts about this guy bfgdudhdh i hope this is like. good. or decent
#edward nashton#the riddler#paul dano riddler#riddler 2022#dano riddler#dano riddler x reader#the riddler x reader#edward nashton x reader#edward nashton x you#the riddler x you#the riddler 2022#2022 riddler#paul dano x reader smut#paul dano x reader#paul dano x you#the riddler smut#edward nashton smut#riddler smut
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So this is a thought I had after the unmedicated post, but what if ya had chronic pain? Like my good days are constant emergency levels for someone else, and on the bad days I just don't function or function by acting really bitchy. Like, imagine the sweet or chill prefect suddenly being a complete asshole then someone (probably Rook) reveals it's because their meds completely left their system.
Yes!! This kinda works with the post that inspired the unmedicated fic, which you can check out here.
I raise you this though: imagine the yandere bois tm finding out the sweet/kind/chill/patient ramshackle suffers so much all the time.
I can imagine Floyd not even fully squeezing you and you yelp out in pain just from that. You play it off as best as you can, but Jade's curiosity is piqued.
You probably tell your freshman besties first, but everyone will quickly learn from there. I mean, Sebek will absolutely tell Malleus and Epel will end up telling Vil.
The information gets to Jade and Floyd, who take it to Azul.
Deuce ends up spilling it to Riddle one time while trying to defend you. Ace will then blab to you about how Deuce messed up.
Its a whole mess
But now everyone knows about your chronic pain, and all of a sudden everyone's treating you like you're glass.
Even the ones you wouldn't imagine!! Like you'd think Leona would be Mr. Tough Love "Go walk it off." But no. He's still an asshole about the whole thing, but he's a condescending asshole, always telling you you can't do shit by yourself so let him handle it. Or at least let Ruggie handle it. He doesn't understand why you try so fucking hard, you have a great excuse to just relax. So he forces you to.
Everyone is kind of like this, with varying degrees of affection and subtleties.
Riddle is also very rood about it, yelling at you to just stand still.
Azul is more subtle, always creating illusions of choice, making you think you have options, when you don't. Tricking you into taking easier paths while you think you're roughing it.
Jamil basically treats you like he does Kailm. Which, if you're like me, makes you feel bad. But even just the fact you feel bad reminds him why he prefers you over Kalim 1009000%. He wishes you'd stop fussing and let him take care of you.
Vil is also fairly patronizing while he dotes on you. He treats you like a doll, dressing you up and styling you, because with your fragile little bones this is kinda the best thing for you. And he also really doesn't understand why you won't just sit down and let him love you.
If you're sensing a pattern, you are correct. No one fucking understands why you won't just fucking relax and let everyone take care of everything for you.
Idia sees your chronic pain as the PERFECT excuse to never have to go somewhere in person and yet??? You keep going out in person??? Bro, just stay with him, then you BOTH have an excuse to just fucking chill in his room while a floating iPad handles all your school problems.
Finally, Malleus. Awwww, you're so cute, trying so hard. But also he feels so hurt everytime you try to do something without him. To him, your chronic pain is the invitation for him. It's your very body crying out to him for comfort. And Malleus never turns down an invitation.
#yandere#yandere rambles#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland#twst#mha#yandere asks#twst headcanons#yandere twst asks#yandere riddle rosehearts#yandere leona kingscholar#yandere azul ashengrotto#yandere jamil viper#yandere vil schoenheit#yandere idia shroud#yandere malleus draconia#Stuck in twst without meds
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hii can you do where like the genshin impact boys lovers are like taller than them?
featuring: albedo, alhaitham, ayato, baizhu, cyno, diluc, gorou, itto, kazuha, kaeya, kaveh, tighnari, venti, xiao, zhongli, (separate) tw: light foul language (scattered throughout), mention of violence/fighting (childe), mention of chronic pain/illness (baizhu), haitham is autistic because yeah. type: fluff, sfw, hcs reader: tall, gn, no pronouns, no use of y/n a/n: i was GOING to do literally all of them but i gave up after tighnari sorry i just did NOT have it in me. if you want hcs of this same scenario with different characters, do feel free to request that!
also not using canon heights for this bc they don't . make sense to me so you get mY HEADCANONS. (close to canon at least i promise)
ALBEDO
not hard to be taller than him tbh, he's like 5'4
i can't see him particularly caring about height in an s/o, rather just personality. if he likes you, he likes you and that's really it, you could look like just about anything
you could be three feet tall and he wouldn't care as long as you were understanding about the unholy hours of the night he has to stay up to in order to do his work
he won't deny the fact that dating someone tall has its advantages, though.
for one example, he finds it particularly difficult when an ingredient he's trying to get to is too far up for him to reach
and yes, he could just summon his geo flower and have it elevator his ass up the tree or whatever, but it's so much more convenient AND so much more comfortable to just have you pick him up so he can get higher
also, it's insanely hot
probably would be into it
DILUC
he's probably just a bit taller than average, i'd place him at about 6' or so
so it's not rare that he meets someone taller than him, it just doesn't happen every day
has no qualms about your height other than he finds it slightly annoying to look up at you when you're having a conversation
it's hard to be intimidating when the person you're talking to is looking down at you with an adoring smile, as you can understand.
other than that, if need be, he has the winery mansion adjusted to suit you
just some basic things like carving a bit out of a doorframe if you're prone to bumping your head on things. nothing too drastic
KAEYA
thinks it's hot
he's kind of a slut for people taller than him, i think. or just a slut in general maybe. either way, thinks it's hot
he's probably just a bit shorter than diluc, maybe at 5'11. diluc won't let him hear the end of it and it pisses him off
looks are the first thing he sees in a person. it isn't nearly the end-all be-all of choosing a partner for him (he really looks for someone with more mental acuity and wit), but it does play the part
being tall helps you with this
is the type to DEFINITELY be able to reach the top shelf and pretend he can't anyway so he can grin at you while you get things for him
asshole
VENTI
did someone say short-ass twink?
he's like 5'3 sorry i don't make the rules. short.
so yeah, again, not hard to be taller than him.
he's so playful about it too
"oh nooooo~ they put the apples all the way on the top shelf so i can't reach them~ whatever shall i do!"
bitch, you can fly. be fr
it doesn't matter. if there's something you can do (even if he can also do it) for him because of his height, he'll bat his eyelashes and flash you a grin so you can't help but show off and do it for him
also makes sharing the bed a hell of a lot more difficult. venti already flails around all over the place, and having someone taller sleeping next to him...? forget about it. you're both waking up on the floor.
BAIZHU
tall
probably like 6'1, and lanky too
there is no cabinet he can't reach, and besides he has changsheng to slither up in the rare situation that he actually can't reach something
however, the tables are turned on him completely when he's having a flare-up. a lot of the time, if he tries to exert himself reaching for something (or just getting out of bed at all), he'll dissolve into a fit of coughing and have to sit down
this is when having a tall partner really comes in handy, and you're more than happy to get him whatever he needs to help him calm it down
extremely grateful for your help, and lucky that he has you. anytime you get him something, especially when he's not feeling well, he'll thank you and give you a kiss
XIAO
joining the "it's not hard to be taller than him" club at a whopping (not really) FIVE FOOT TWO
bro is SHORT short
this doesn't bother him as much as you think it might. in xiao's own words, "height has little effect on one's ability to fight," and therefore he can protect you and fight for you even despite how small he is
will pretend not to be thankful if you help him with reaching things, but instead sends you a short glance that only you can decipher as being grateful
going out with him is a little bit like walking with a small but on edge dog
ZHONGLI
taller than REX LAPIS?? REX FUCKING LAPIS??? THE LORD OF GEO???
i think in his human form he's about 6'3, but he gets to like 6'8 with his draconic features out. no, i'm not counting his horns, i think he actually grows when he relaxes and stops hiding his features
is impressed that you're taller than him, and, honestly, a little worried about your back
with this tall of a couple, he definitely has to adjust his living situation. for sure has his ceilings raised and doorways sanded so the both of you can fit
walking around liyue harbor with him is a SIGHT. two giant sized folks casually going out for a stroll along the waterfront, enjoying their date as if they aren't big enough for a seagull to accidentally fly into their faces
also likes having you do things for him. he's tall, he can do them himself, but he's lying if he says he doesn't like watching you reach to screw in a lightbulb or the like.
AYATO
he's probably around 5'11, so he's tall but it's not unusual for someone to be taller than him per se
he's kind of a cheeky lil bastard? he puts everything on ridiculously high shelves on purpose so that he can watch you get them for him
"oh, sorry to trouble you my dear, but it seems the brown sugar is just a few inches out of my reach. could i trouble you to grab it for me?"
"there are like eighteen other different shelves you could have put it on."
"are there? i hadn't noticed! oh, well :)"
also likes to show you off. pulls up to the function (important dignitary meeting) with his tall ass partner
GOROU
little guy! he's probably around 5'4-5'5 so if you're even like average height you're probably a little taller than him
embarrassed about it, almost as much as he is about the whole tail cuddling thing
that isn't to say he doesn't love how gorgeous and tall you are (he does for sure!), he just is a little self-conscious about his own height
he WILL hide behind you if he sees yae miko approach. benefit #1 of having a tall partner: meat shield
also bonus for you: he is a dog, so when he wants you to grab something for him, he'll look up at you with the most adorable puppy eyes you've ever seen
ITTO
good lord you must be insanely tall . i think he's probably around 6'3
the first time he meets you he's blown away. bewildered. incredibly flustered. possibly already in love.
he's used to being the tallest guy around, used to being the big guy in charge. so when he finds you, and has to look up at someone else for a change, he's stupefied (in a good way)
there are no shelves he can ask you to get things from that he can't already reach. instead, he likes to watch you just pick people up
he'll gather some arataki gang members and ask them to stand in a line and have you go back to back with each one just to measure how tall you are compared to other people
he WILL give bear hugs. if you're more lanky, they may break a few bones... so, beware of that
KAZUHA
another almost short-stack, probably around 5'6
he hasn't ever really thought about his height, he isn't insecure about it or anything.
to him, your height is just another thing that he loves about you! he doesn't care much for physical appearance, it's what's inside that counts to him
and once he gets to know you, he finds everything about you stunning!
probably writes poems about how you look standing strong in the wind or something. really he'll write poems about you no matter what.
since you're taller than him, he enjoys being the little spoon. let him recite lines to you while you hold him!
ALHAITHAM
tall ass guy. prolly around 6'1
is surprised that you're taller than him, but other than that doesn't really care all that much
while he does care for physical traits such as height, he mostly values intelligence and wit, so as long as you can keep up with him in a conversation, you're good enough to date
he has parameters, you understand. you have to fit to a certain standard in a series of specific categories, including age, wit, compatibility....
he might be a little autistic.
my point is, height doesn't really factor in there
still enjoys being the big spoon, even if there's more of you or if you don't quite slot together ideally in that position
it doesn't matter if you're 8 feet tall, this guy Will hold you
CYNO
putting him in around 5'5
despite his small stature, he's a force to be reckoned with. everyone around him knows it, even if he sometimes wishes they didn't care as much
has absolutely no trouble asking you to get things for him if he can't reach them. unbothered king.
this comes less from a place of him not caring about being short and more of a place of him knowing his limitations and understanding when he needs help!
doesn't really care about being shorter than you. well... unless you tease him about being short, then he gets a little miffed. he doesn't mind being the shorter one as long as he isn't just called short
doesn't mind being the little spoon if you suggest it
KAVEH
i wanna say he's about average height, 5'8-5'9 ish!
he's comfortable with his height. he doesn't really think about it very often
that being said, i do think he would be very into someone who's taller than him. i just get those vibes
PLEASE please lean in a doorway and look at him or something. he thinks it's so attractive
probably will ask you to reach up and get things for him just so he can like... poke you in the side??? for no reason?? while you do it
likes to show you off but is also shy about it. will hold your hand when you walk around in public but also really doesn't want anyone to notice. there are two wolves inside of him.
TIGHNARI
I AM A 5'6 TIGHNARI TRUTHER. idk. he gives 5'6 vibes and i don't know why!!!
honestly couldn't give two shits about his height. As long as he can get to the samples he's trying to study, he doesn't care!
Thinks every part of you is stunning, so to him your height is a part of that!
Looks come second to personality to him. This isn't to say he doesn't find you attractive, just that the second he actually starts to like someone all of a sudden oh, they're really pretty actually.
lowkey wants to do like, a family gene chart of you? He wants to learn everything about you, down to where all your different traits come from!
#genshin x reader#astronetwrk#ok time to go through all these guys. LORD#albedo#alhaitham#ayato#baizhu#cyno#diluc#gorou#itto#kazuha#kaeya#kaveh#tighnari#venti#xiao#zhongli#albedo x reader#alhaitham x reader#ayato x reader#baizhu x reader#cyno x reader#diluc x reader#gorou x reader#itto x reader#kazuha x reader#kaeya x reader
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Yallllllllll
Its convention season and I’m STRUGGLING
So I’m in the process of getting disability and I had to quit my job because my chronic pain just couldn’t handle the type of work even though I loved it; my spine said “no”
Anyway, my beanies are my biggest seller at conventions but I currently do not have the money to restock.
I have like ten left of this design:
And I think if I sell out I can afford to restock all 4 of my designs
Here’s a few more of my popular designs that I know my girls, gays, theys, and disabled people will love.
I really need some support here because I love my art and the community I’ve built around it. So if you can’t afford to shop that’s okay. I’d really appreciate a reblog and I’d love to shitpost with you in my discord server.
#disabled#disability#cripplepunk#narcolepsy#disabled artist#chronic illness#chronic pain#pots#twenty one pilots#be gay do crimes#queer#gay#lgbt#elhers danlos syndrome#cptsd#complex ptsd#pan#magneto#X-men#x men 97
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Hey guys, recently been turning evil about Stanford pines again because of book of bill, so here are some headcannons I have of him
- as someone (myself) who has a lot of hand issues that come from joints in places they shouldn't, I feel like he has a lot of chronic pain with his joints and wrists specifically. (I'm an avid Stanford pines finger splints believer), because just trying to make the anatomy work when drawing his hands makes mine sore just thinking about it. I feel like as he gets older especially he starts to need extra support for his fingers and wrists with all the tinkering with machinery, and stealing heavier tech parts he does.
- the scalp over the metal plate in his head has trouble growing hair like it used to before surgery, and its partially why his hair has started going gray heavier around that area, its overall a bit of an awkward patchy area, he doesn’t really care much though. It also gives him headaches whenever the weather is off, but he only really notices this when he is back home in the mystery shack.
- he of course is covered in more dumb tattoos that he picked up throughout the multiverse, as well as some actually good meaningful ones too. He's also had a lot badly removed but just enught that you can still see them faded.
-transgender because he just is
-i would say “did his own top surgery” but I feel like he would of never bothered, because of the recovery time. He would probably be one of those trans guys that just work out an insane amount to sort of even out the muscle.
- regularly gets confused/ straight up forgets details about the dimension he's in. (canon, I know but listen) he has been through so many versions of so many realitities and god knows how long he spent in each, trying to relearn customs, languages, names of things, etc, and genuinely gets upset when he forgets which pieces are from what dimensions. It just reminds him how much he has missed out on. This also leads to a lot of derealisation issues and paranoia about finally being in the right place.
-in some dimensions he has been able to study up and get some more degrees on some like really obscure topics. I feel like he did this in the really early years before he became an outlaw in nearly every dimension. He probably wanted to fall back into as familiar of a pattern as he could with all the constant chaos around him, academic approval is the closest thing he can feel like to having control over his current situation. It also kind of reminds him of Fiddleford, but he doesn't like to dwell on it, or really think too hard about it.
- he genuinely loves hearing about new changes to his home dimension from dipper and Mabel, even dumb little memes Mabel keeps showing him. He doesn’t really get it, but he just likes to be included.
-he visits Fiddleford almost every day since they reconnected. Trying to find pretty much any reason to see him. He misses him more than words can say and feels guilty about how things ended with them, and Fiddleford knows this. He just likes having Stanford around too much to say anything about how obvious he is being.
#gravity falls#gravity falls stanford#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#headcanon#stanford pines headcanons#book of bill#bill cipher#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddauthor#old man mcgucket#headcanons
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