#i was hoping to be a little productive today but i think i might go back to bed
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violetsareblue-selfships · 5 months ago
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good morning!! <33
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mieczyhale · 11 months ago
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"i had to surrender my cat bc he's got incontinence issues and i'm just not equipped to deal with that"
i'm stealing your fucking kneecaps
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moonstruckme · 6 months ago
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Hey so i have a request and you can totally say no if this makes you uncomfortable but would you consider writing a poly marauders x reader where the readers depressed and can’t get anything done im asking cause I’ve been. Going through something and i thought id be okay by now but I’ve kinda regressed idk and now im depressed idk pls don’t write this if its to hard or upsetting
Thank you for your request lovely, I really hope things are getting easier for you or that they do soon <3
cw: depression
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 984 words
You realize the boys must be home when Remus crouches in front of you. You hadn’t heard the car come up the driveway, nor the door opening. You were too deep inside your own head. Or maybe you’d drifted off into another of your light, unsatisfying sleeps. 
“Hi.” He offers you a little smile, putting out his hand. You worm yours out from under your blanket to give it to him, and he rubs his thumb across your knuckles fondly. “How was your day, lovely?” 
“Fine,” you say. Your voice rasps a bit from disuse. 
“I’m opening the curtains,” James warns from somewhere behind you. “Here, take these.” 
Sirius’ grunt sounds surprised. “Since when is carrying in the groceries a relay sport?” he complains. 
True to James’ word, light floods the living room a moment later. It illuminates Remus’ face in front of you, letting you see the gentle concern in his eyes. His gaze moves up above your head just before strong hands grasp you by the shoulders. 
“I missed you,” says James, hugging downwards at you until he gives up and lets his body flop over the back of the couch, “so much, today.” 
You pet down the hair at his nape, love like a bubble in your chest that’s always on the brink of popping. You love the way James hugs; it’s like he really is trying to feel as close to you as he can be, with his face bent towards your neck and one hand splayed behind your heart. You let yourself meld to him. Remus starts collecting your little mess from the coffee table, taking things into the kitchen.
“It was only a few hours,” you say. 
James makes a jokey harrumphing sound. “A few hours too many.” He lets you go to plant a smacking kiss on your cheek. “If you could have one thing for dinner tonight, what would it be?” 
“I thought we agreed to stop playing that game,” says Sirius, coming back in to sit down on the armrest of the couch. He sees where you’re toying with James’ hair and takes a lock between his own fingers. “You need a haircut, Jamie.” 
“You’re one to talk,” James quips, though he leans into the touch, always more than happy to have his hair played with. “And we only agreed to stop playing with you, because your expectations were too high.” 
“They were not.” 
“Why would you think we’d be able to get what we needed for escargot at our corner shop?” 
“If you didn’t want to know what I actually wanted, you shouldn’t have asked.” 
“Anyway,” James turns back to you, “what would you have, lovie?” 
“And before you say,” says Sirius, “the correct answer is tomato basil soup with a cheese toastie.”
James sulks, thwarted, and you stroke your thumb over his nape consolingly. “That sounds really lovely,” you say earnestly. “Was I really supposed to guess that on my own, though?” 
“You might’ve,” he mumbles. “Anyway, I was thinking you could be my soup stirrer. If you’re up for the task.” 
It’s an odd feeling, affection and guilt intertwined so well you can’t fully tell which is which. You know James is making a point of asking you so that you might come to the kitchen, be among them for a bit instead of staying off in your own world, do a task that makes you feel productive even if it’s small. You appreciate that he does it, and you loathe yourself for making him feel the need to. You wish your boyfriends wouldn’t coddle you not because you don’t like it but because you like it too much. You don’t deserve it. 
“Hey.” Sirius’ voice draws you back out from inside your head again. It’s become such a frequent haunt you don’t always realize you’re going anymore. He’s studying you. “You okay?” 
You hum as Remus comes back in, sitting on the now clean coffee table. “Thanks for doing that,” you murmur. His eyebrows lift slightly when he realizes you’re talking to him. “Sorry I left a mess.” 
Remus tsks, reaching forward to brush a piece of hair from your forehead. “It wasn’t really a mess,” he says. “I don’t mind. Are you going to help us with dinner?” 
“Yeah.” It’s not so much a decision as a yielding, but James beams like you’ve made his day. It makes you want to cry. 
Sirius wraps an arm around your waist when you get up to go to the kitchen, squeezing the fat of your hip lovingly. “Think I’ll take up the duty of stirring the soup, too,” he says to you. “Seems like a two-person job.” 
“Probably, yeah.” You let yourself lean into his side. He takes your weight happily, mushing a kiss into your hair. “Sorry I’m so lame lately,” you tell him quietly. “You guys don’t need to coddle me so much.” 
“You’re not lame, who said that?” Sirius jostles you a little bit. When you don’t laugh, he changes his approach, leaning his head against yours. “We’re not coddling you, sweetheart. You’re just in a rut right now, yeah? And we’re meeting you where you’re at.” 
He makes it sound so simple, but your throat clogs with the true difficulty of it all. When you reply your voice is thick. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out.” 
“You will,” he promises surely. “I don’t know how long it might take, but it’ll happen. And if whatever we’re doing isn’t working for you, we can figure something else out, okay? We’re with you.” 
When James says it’s your time to stir, Sirius insists on standing behind you and holding your hand that’s holding the spoon. Remus rolls his eyes at the idea of it being a two-person job, but you don’t know. You think maybe it takes all four of you to make it work.
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itwasntimethatdidit40 · 3 months ago
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Office hours.
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Pairing: modern!Javier Peña x f!reader Words count: 3059 Rating: +18, NSFW, MDNI
Summary: You should concentrate on work. But you can't do that with the charming bastard you share the office with in front of you. Why not find a more fun way to spend your office hours? Tags: porn with very little plot, modern setting (they have computers and chats), POV second person, reader is described wearing a skirt, blouse and heels & having pussy and breasts, no other description of her is given, Javier is an unhinged menace and has a filthy mouth but so is reader, dirty talk, teasing, improper use of office chat, cockwarming, masturbation (f!receiving), pet names, slurs, pussy pronouns, mention of a sex toy, no Spanish because I don't really want to butcher another language since I am doing this extensively with English 💀, squirting, sexual activities in a public place, no age gap, age unspecified so it’s up to you (they’re both in their 30s in my head), the work they do is not specified so you can imagine what you want. I think it’s all? If I realized that I forgot something I’ll add it right away.
A/N: This is the second time I've tried to write Javi P and I'm terrified but because it came out on its own in a frenzy: here we gooo. I'm ovulating and I'm horny af. LOL It probably doesn't make sense, I don't have a beta reader, I reread it myself but my eyes are tired, English is not my first language so I ask your forgiveness if you find mistakes. I hope you like the dirty talk of this thing, I feel like it came out particularly well…fingers crossed.
You should really focus on your work, you have a deadline to meet tomorrow and you're still behind. And you certainly can't focus with a certain coworker in front of you. When they decided that you had to share a big office you secretly decided that your boss was an idiot. How productive could you have been with Javier Peña sitting at the desk in front of you? Obviously your boss expected you both to be adults, capable of controlling your own instincts. What you thought instead was that it would be the hell that it actually is. Because Javier is a charming bastard and you have had a crush on him since day one and he's definitely the type to flirt with all the women in the office.
You hate his guts and you fight practically all the time over any little inconvenience, but the creeping attraction between you, that feeling of always being on the edge of a cliff, that constant urge to provoke him to see which one of you would crack first never left. 
And today, when he showed up in yet another shirt that left his chest partially exposed-because the bastard in question wasn't the least bit interested in buttoning the last few buttons-and those damn skinny jeans straight from the ‘70 that on anyone would have looked silly and anachronistic but on him did nothing but send you into a frenzy of desire, you felt it might be the last straw.
Appropriate office attire does not exist for him, he only wears a tie for meetings with your boss but the rest of the time he dresses as he wants and apparently no one says anything to him. Fucking great, just what you need, seeing his chest displayed right in front of your eyes all the damn time.
You never even liked mustaches but now you couldn't help thinking how much you wished they would rub against your folds as he lapped at your cunt. You dreamed of him carrying your scent on him for the rest of the day, dreamed of kissing him and tasting you on his tongue.
You dreamed of getting up and going to sit on his lap as you continued to type the report you promised your boss and his cock rubbed against your thighs, your panties, and even better your bare pussy. You thought about it practically all morning and got so wet that you risked wetting your office chair, so much so that on your lunch break you had to hide in one of the bathroom stalls and take them off, to store them in a bag inside your purse. 
But now you are naked under your skirt. Which is even worse and makes things even harder for you. You jotted down in your mind that it was time to think about bringing a change of underwear with you. Now the fact that Javi was on the other side of the room was even more unbearable than before, setting you on fire. The temptation to do something stupid and make yourself a needy fool was eating you up. 
Javi looks up for a moment from the documents he is working on, casting one of his typical glances at you, big brown captivating eyes that stare at you many times during the day, only for a few seconds at a time. Minutes of each day flow so slowly when he is in front of you. You really shouldn't think about him; you're here to work. In theory. And you need this damn salary if you don't want to live without electricity or run out of food. The selfish asshole in front of you however doesn't seem to care that you will probably be fired soon and end up under a bridge, because he continues to tease you in any way he can. One day it's a quip about your nail polish, the next about your overly revealing blouse, the next about the length of your skirt. And then there are those glances, sometimes accompanied by a wink, mischievous smirks, a tilt of his head, little things that no one ever notices but you. He never pushes the envelope, but oh, by now you know he wants to. A week ago he asked you if you wanted to have a drink after work, and you said no, absolutely not, never mix business and pleasure, it was a very strict policy in your department. 
You regretted it right away, but what else could you have done? He's not someone you can trust.
He didn't push further, of course, which made you even more impatient, nervous, incredibly horny.
It's a challenge now, you have to have him. And you have to have him before your female colleagues, at least the ones on your floor. You always notice how they look at him, languid and sweet eyes, lip licks and lower lip nibbled, hair moved behind their ear, every time he walks down the hallway of your floor, there is no lady who doesn’t stop working at least for a moment to marvel at him.
It’s late now, the sun has long since gone down, almost everyone around you has been gone for at least 30 minutes, but you have been distracted all morning and now you have to catch up. You hoped he would leave with the others but he stayed here. You’re doomed at this point, you can’t even think straight anymore. You know there’s some other colleagues three offices ahead, down the hall, whom you saw five minutes ago when you got up to get a cup of coffee. As you reread what you wrote, with your eyes fixed on the computer screen, you can't get him out of your mind, feeling his eyes on you, heat blazing under your skin. You turn toward the door in a clumsy attempt to avoid his gaze, realizing that you have closed it.
And well, after all, you've been working hours, maybe you can take a little break. Just five minutes. And what better to do in those five minutes than tease Javi? 
You don't mind playing and playing with him seems almost natural and physiological given his constant attempts to sabotage your self-control; perhaps you could try to sabotage his a little without risking too much.
So you open your legs. Just a little bit, just enough to show him that you're not wearing panties. 
And you look at him, without saying anything. Javi licks his lips, you know his eyes have caught in full what you wanted him to see. His jaw tenses, his hand clenches into a fist over the papers he is examining. Little imperceptible reactions that you crave like water in the middle of a desert. 
Until the chat banner you use to communicate with colleagues lights up on your desktop. 
“I can smell you from here.” it says. The sender is obviously that bastard you share an office with. 
“I don't know what you're talking about,” you quietly type. 
After a few seconds another message appears.
"Your delicious pussy, of course, you tempting little slut." You turn to look at him who is totally deadpan.  
You click your tongue and type, “You should be thinking about your work, not my pussy, you know? Highly unprofessional. I should go straight to someone in HR and report you”
“Oh yeah? And so you want everyone to know that you come to work without underwear. Typical greedy slut behavior." 
You lean against the desk, pretending to be shocked at first, looking at him with disappointment. A small smile creases the corners of his mouth, a hint of teeth between his lips, his eyes fiercely twinkling, he is convinced he has made you uncomfortable. 
Smiling in turn, savoring the taste of victory, you lower a hand between your legs, grazing your now totally soaked folds.
His eyebrows rises slightly, his eyes fixed on your fingers moving slowly over your outer lips. 
You type “I think you like what you see” With your other hand. 
He swallows, lowering a hand to his jeans in turn. You lean against the back of the chair to get a better look and clearly catch the tent that is growing under the crotch. He bites his lower lip, one hand moving up and down over his bulge and the other typing on the computer keyboard. 
“I bet you don't have the guts to come over here and make my cock feel that tight pussy of yours.”
Okay, you think, if you want to play dirty that's what you're going to get. 
You look around, listening to every little noise from the other rooms, the office seems empty and quiet. 
You close your eyes, just a moment, before grabbing some papers from your desk, getting up and walking toward him, swaying on your heels. 
What you've been dreaming of doing all morning is about to happen, you feel yourself floating like in a bubble.
He unbuckles his belt and pulls down the zipper of his jeans, freeing his huge shaft as he stares at you.
He turns his wheeled office chair toward you and you straddle him. 
He grabs your hips gently pushing you down on his cock, the tip grazing at your folds “such a slut” 
“If anyone here is a whore it's you. Do you think I don't know that you're getting off with half the accounting department?”
“Mh, maybe you should inform your pussy, she seems to have lost the memo judging by how much she's dripping on me.”
He holds his cock with one hand as you lower yourself onto him, looking down to where your pussy and his cock are coming into conjunction.
“Oh please shut up, I don't give a shit about your office banter.” 
You drag this out for months, days upon days of longing and teasing and nights spent in bed imagining that he was the one sucking you off instead of your toy.
You lean down holding his shoulders and whisper in his ear, “Stuff it all in.’” and you start rubbing yourself against him, feeling his huge dripping cock all inside your cunt. He stays still. 
You moan lightly and he shushes you "you have to be quiet honey, do you want us to be caught? Do you want them to notice that you are cockwarming me instead of working?”He places one of his hands on your mouth, your stifled moans vibrating on his fingers as you grind until your cream is leaking down his balls, his jeans, making a mess on his chair.
“Christ, you’re so fucking wet” he murmurs thrusting a little and starting to hump his whole dick inside, he reaches your clit with two fingers and starts moving them slowly in circles over it “she’s squeezing me so right, baby, I can go on for hours just like that, stuffing you full with my cock” His other hand is resting on your hip, just above the waistband your skirt and he holds you close to him. 
He pulls out a little and pounds it back in, making you writhe and moan “Fuck yeah, you hear it? Your noisy sticky little cunt gushing for me? It’s like a fucking symphony” he whispers 
Your whines vibrate on his fingers “oh baby, you really have to learn your manners. I said keep quiet.” He removes his hand from in front of your lips and sticks two fingers in your mouth “suck these. Maybe you'll learn to be quiet with your mouth full. Or should I fill that one with my cock too?”
You suck them greedily, feeling the taste of your pussy spread over your tongue. “That’s right, baby, just like that”
You hear the main floor door slam, the last people have also left, you are now alone and his cock is buried inside you.
“Jesus, look at the mess you’ve made on me, sucking my cock in like the desperate little slut you are… you wanna come, huh?” 
You nod, as your tongue swirls on his digits, licking and sucking enraptured by your taste and his gaze locked on yours. 
“Yeah, I bet you want this cock to pound you senseless, am I right?” 
You nod again, feeling your heart raging behind your ribcage. 
You never felt so desperate for anyone, the way he’s torturing you, his cock deep down inside you without moving an inch, your pussy drenched, his precum smearing all over your walls mixing with your fluids. 
You feel delirious. 
“I know baby but not here.” He whispers mischievously and your eyes are almost on the verge of tears “you can come tho, let me help but you have to be very quiet for me, okay?” 
You think the office is empty, but you can't be sure, there are so many rooms and someone could still be inside.
He slides his fingers out of your mouth and puts them back on your clit, starting to rub it gently. They are coated in your saliva and slide pleasantly over it, sending you almost over the edge. 
“Look how swollen she is, poor little cunt, she wants to come so badly, isn’t she?” his low hoarse voice gravels in your ears as he pinches your clit and begins to jerk it off faster. 
You writhe trying to stand up a little to ease your numbed legs but he pins you down on his cock digging his fingers in your hip “nah, you stay where you are, honey, gonna come full of me and at the pace of my fingers” 
You bite your lower lip hiding your face in the crook of his neck “no, look me in the eyes, I want to see that pretty face while you come like a whore for me”
One of your hands wraps around the back of his neck as you force yourself to look in his eyes. They are black with lust and desire, pupils dilated and fixed on yours in a frenzy.
His fingers move faster and faster, his cock throbs inside you.
“Come apart for me, babe, let me feel your greedy cunt squirting for me, come on” 
His words are enough to send you over the edge, you come copiously squirting on top of him as he doesn't stop rubbing your clit.
“Yeah, baby, just like that, you’re so fucking beautiful right now” 
You strive to keep your eyes on him but eventually throw your head back overwhelmed by the heat spreading inside you, enveloping every cell in your body and pulsing uncontrollably in your veins. 
It’s too much, it’s all too much and he didn’t even fuck you properly yet. 
You collapse onto his shoulder, holding onto his neck, panting against his skin “Fuck” 
“Yeah, baby, I know, that’s what you wanted huh? Coming full of me like a bitch in heat?” 
You look into his eyes and whisper, “Oh, no, I want so much more.” 
“Oh yeah? What else do you want?” He grins.
“Take me home. Now.” 
“Ask nicely, baby” 
You huff “Take me home, Javi, please” 
He chuckles “Hungry little thing, what do you want me to do for you once we get home?” 
You sigh and then looking into his eyes defiantly whisper “I want you to fuck me, I want you to fuck me so hard that I scream, I want the whole neighborhood to hear me. I want your cock pounding inside me all night”
He clicks his tongue and replies, “So cheeky asking me to take you home and fuck you while my cock is still inside you.”
“That’s what I want, do you think you can do that for me?” You ask, raising your eyebrow. 
“Of course. You chose the right man for the job.” 
He slaps your ass before you stand up and fix your clothes as best you can. His jeans are completely covered in your juices and his cock still rock hard, you hope that no one is really there or they will notice what you have done.
“Here, put this around your waist,” you say, handing him your black cardigan. 
He looks down at his jeans, laughing. “Damn, you made a real mess. I think I’ll have to get rid of that chair, too.”
He wraps your cardigan around his waist so that the sleeves hang down the front, almost completely covering the dark, wet stain.
“Let’s get out of here” 
You take a deep breath, turning the doorknob down and looking out into the hallway, you look left and right and there doesn’t seem to be anyone “come on, let’s hurry” you say waving and he chuckles behind you. You walk out the door in silence, walking down the hallway to the front door.
You press the elevator button while he pinches your ass “stop it” you hiss. 
You enter the elevator, side by side, and as the doors are about to close, a hand reaches between them, stopping them. 
Your boss enters and looks at you in surprise. “Oh, you’re still here?” 
You’re screaming internally as you struggle to keep a poker face and reply calmly “Yes, of course. I had to work on that report and Javier offered to help me out.” 
Your boss nods, completely unaware. “Good, I expect it to be on my desk by tomorrow morning.”
You nod, lying, “yeah sure, definitely, it's practically over.” as you hear Javier stifle a laugh. 
You turn to give him a disapproving look as he covers his mouth and looks down to quell his giggles.
You arrive at the lobby in the longest elevator ride of your life.
“See you tomorrow then, have a good evening” Your boss says as soon as you three come out. 
“Good evening” you babble thanking God he didn't notice anything.
“Oh shit, that was a close call!” Javier laughs as soon as your boss gets in the car.
You slap him on his shoulder “does that sound funny to you? Come on, take me home and make me forget that I just risked losing my job”
“I can’t wait, honey,” he puts his arm around your waist as he walks you to his car. 
Sure, you don’t know what’s going to happen and you don’t know if it’s worth it but you can’t wait to ride him on a bed and forget your name too.
general tag list: @aurorawritestoescape @baronessvonglitter @milla-frenchy @thundermartini @harriedandharassed @almostempty @lovely-vamp-princess @pedrostories 🌹
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murdocksapostasy · 2 months ago
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Oh nooo!! Hope you feel better soon and get the medication thing sorted out. 🫶🏻♥️
When you’re back (however long that may be, no rush!) I was wondering if you’d be willing to write something with Matt where the reader isn’t taking care of herself and is working herself too hard and then ends up fainting? (Got lightheaded doing chores today, therefore the request, haha).
I mostly just want to see worried/desperate Matt. I’m such a slut for that. 🤭
Again, hope you feel better soon! 💖
ofc i’ll do it i can definitely relate to that haha, thank you for the kind message, it been awhile but i got you,
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you’re a productive person and you pride yourself in that, you want to maintain your clean space while trying to get copious amounts of work done, except it’s already evening time, your shoulders and neck hurt and your head is all over the place.
you were up until morning last night, you’re absolutely exhausted. in the middle of the whole mess when you find yourself giving into the feeling of drifting away, you slowly blink. and when you blink again you find yourself laying on the floor.
matthew is standing over you, concerned. he must have came home from work, he still has the suite on. you slowly start to comprehending the situation,
“you passed out.” he says, he sounds sure of his statement but you can catch a little hint of worry and question in his tone. you mutter a low “yeah..” before sitting up on the floor, still too tired to get up.
“i don’t like this sweetheart, please let me put you to bed.”
with those words, your head again starts racing with all the things that you still think need to get done, you don’t even consider the option of rest right now, even if you might really need it.
you begin to stand up holding onto a doorframe for support. “yeah just let me get the-”
matthew can tell you’re about to insist on another task, he interrupts you before you can finish your sentence . “i’m going to *let* you go to bed.” he makes it sound like a suggestion but you know it’s not, you frown at the idea.
“i can take care of everything while you’re asleep, you need it. come on, please.” he insists, you can tell he’s so concerned about you, he’s told you before overworking yourself isn’t healthy but you almost can’t help it, you don’t reply to his plea and stand still while thinking of a response.
“okay then.” matthew says before picking you up from the ground carrying you to the bedroom and softly laying you down on the bed. at this point you can’t protest, it so warm and comfy so you close your eyes and whisper a thank you.
he rubs your hair and kisses you on the forehead, “of course.”
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aliesbienish · 8 months ago
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Could you do Benedict Bridgerton with wife pregnant!reader? She was panicking about something and didn't stop rambling the moment she saw him. He surprises her by kissing her, effectively silencing her and she melts against him. She knew even if the world would end, hw was the only one who could calm her down. Just something fluff and maybe a little suggestive 👀 Thanks!! :))
Oh baby
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Hi anon, hope you enjoy. Probably went a little hard on the angst and a little lacking in the suggestiveness... it got away from me. xx ---------
The doubts kept creeping in today, nothing was able to distract you from your thoughts. Your book laid face down on the window seat, your journal stayed blank. Instead of being productive, here you were just staring out the window bringing yourself to a panic. Everyone said the reservations were normal, and logically you knew that they were unfounded. But the rumination going on seemed to have kicked logic out the window.
Becoming a mother suddenly seemed like an occasion you couldn't rise to. All the ways you could screw up your poor child, which your brain was unhelpfully bringing up in spades, seemed daunting. Suddenly being trusted to keep a little human alive without any proof of competence was ludicrous. So you had spent the day stuck in your thoughts staring out your bedroom window.
And now you need to get them out before you exploded. Ready to share you headed to your husbands studio down the hall, not bothering to knock. He was engrossed in a painting, streaks of colour covering what was once a white shirt.
"Hi Honey. How are---" Benedict began before you interrupted with word vomit.
"I don't think I can do this Ben. Maybe I am not fit to be a mother, I'm too selfish. I have never had to look after anyone but myself, no poor child deserves a mother like that."
"Babe, what --"
"I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. What if I hurt them? Or am inpatient with them?"
"Sweetie plea-"
"I'm so scared I will be a bad mum." You sighed, ready to spell out exactly all the ways you thought that might be the case. Instead you were updated by a soft peck on your lips and a gentle hand stroking you cheek. Benedicts soft lips pulled back and he rested his forehead against your own.
"Honey, you are the most loving, kind person I know. You were made for this role, I just know it. You will meet our baby and the love will overflow and I will be in awe with you. Our baby will be soo very lucky to have you as their mum,"
"But what if I don't know what to do?"
"Then we find out, we are surrounded by loving, strong mothers. We can reach out to my mum, or Daphne, or Kate. You are not alone." Another stroke to your cheek from Benedict and you could finally felt like you could breathe again.
You nodded gently against Benedict's forehead before grabbing his hand from your check, taking it in your own and moving it down to your swollen belly.
"I love you Ben. You will be an amazing father."
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jamiepaige · 3 months ago
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Constant Companions Closeup #10: MY DARLING, MY COMPANION
(also on spotify!)
It's the Constant Companions Closeups! A series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Last time, we talked about gender with Object of Affection! Today, we've made it to the title track (kinda?)! My Darling, My Companion! Do you think she's figured out what she wants to hear yet
---
Every time I first embark on the process of making another album, I always think I know what the final product will look like. This is a fairly recent phenomenon, born of the part of me that thinks that planning things out and being somewhat disciplined in the act of creation will ultimately lead to a better final product. That's fair and all, but it's also genuinely never how things actually shake out, as I almost always toss that out the window and just start writing shit the first chance I get.
Constant Companions, however, is the closest I've gotten to actually following through on those initial ambitions. Well, maybe not the initial ambitions - without fail, every time I finish an album, there's a two week period where I start writing new material thinking "this next album's gonna be the MOODY one" and it's never the moody one - but rather the plan I developed once my pile of works-in-progress started looking album-shaped.
There's always been some amount of self-referential leitmotif-loving song-series energy in what I've written - Imaginary, Effervescent and Secret Girlfriend; sampling myself on Too Much Autotune or Second Hello; that little four note motif. I had been leaning even further into it with People Posture Play Pretend and 🤼‍♀️, bringing the little interconnected background radiation straight to the forefront, and I wanted to keep going.
So, I would take that mindset and write about motifs - the things that have stuck with me and gotten me to where I am - the hopes that I've clung to, the dreams I want to make real, the patterns that I keep finding myself in. The things that haunt me and the things that keep me living.
...
My constant companions, if you will.
wait didn't i already do that bit. what was i talking about when i did that
This might be incredibly obvious if you've already read the Closeup for Breeze Blows, but yes, this is another song about being plural.
Like I said previously, writing these self-directed songs portraying internal conversations has been a very big part of finding peace within myself. Having to confront a part of myself both alien and overly familiar with seemingly a mind of her own is, understandably, scary as shit in countless ways! If nothing else, it feels like sometimes I can't even talk about it out loud without sounding completely gone.
But it's made me realize and really think about something I think most people take for granted, something that feels silly to even say out loud given how obvious it is but that has completely changed my relationship with myself - you are always a part of your own life.
The overwhelming, ceaseless negative self-talk I lived with for however many years never went away because it was a part of me, and no amount of compartmentalizing or boxing-up or repression or anything helped even in the slightest compared to the act of showing her kindness and patience, letting her be a genuine part of me, being a friend to her. Doing so revealed to me a happier, more hopeful part of myself I thought I'd lost forever.
Letting yourself be yourself, and loving yourself for who you are, is the best way to be!
or something. that feels so fucking dr seuss of me to say whatever we're corny here we will Be corny
---
The working title of this song was "Hathaway", inspired entirely by my friend Lexie messaging me one morning about a dream in which I had released a song named as such. Naming and writing songs based on dreams is maybe my most beloved bit at this point, but my girlfriend ultimately convinced me to make the title My Darling, My Companion. Mostly because she (correctly) thought it'd be cooler than just a pure title track.
The verses were written by sampling my own previous demo for a title track, turning it into a call-and-response between me and GUMI, and the chorus was lifted almost word-for-word from another demo of mine using Teto. That second demo was partially inspired by the character Morgan from the visual novel Heart of the Woods - which I mostly bring up because it's just a really good yuri VN that is near and dear to my heart. And also because my friend Teffi voices the character Tara in said VN. And also because I recorded my vocals for this song at her house. And also because the voice that says "me when I'm goated as fuck" right before the second verse is in fact Teffi in the recording booth with me. Yuri runs deep in my veins.
Speaking of which, this song, in my mind, is one dedicated to advancing my agenda of GUMI x Teto, albeit subtly and in a roundabout way.
See, GUMI has always been something of an idealized voice in my other work. The songs of mine she sings historically have always been hopeful, upbeat, expressing some sense of comfort - I Wish That I Could Fall maybe being the only exception, and even then still offering some hope in the end.
On the flipside, there's a part in verse two where my voice is swapped out for Teto for a couple lines. I couldn't really tell you what it is, since it's not in terms of timbre or range, but Kasane Teto - her Synth V voicebank especially, but really all iterations of her - is the vocal synth that feels the most like a stand-in for my own voice. And really, writing with her almost seems to bring out parts of myself that are a bit too honest.
These two juxtaposed against each other made perfect sense. It helps that they have The Color Scheme, too.
Finally, this song is basically just one big reference to my song Destiny, from back in 2018, and it even closes out with lyrics based very directly on its closing refrain. I don't have much else to say on that front - but there's another Jamie Paige song this bears some shared DNA with, and a blatant reference to it is hidden in plain sight right as the bridge transitions to the outro.
Do you know what it is?
That's the post! If you have any questions, feel free to send them my way - I'm planning on doing a big AMA style bonus post after the album's finished!!
Speaking of which, tomorrow, we'll be talking about the eleventh and final track on the album - a simple little song about a computer falling in love... :~)
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greensbeanspotatoestomatoes · 10 months ago
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@lara-cairncross I hope you don’t mind, but I wrote a little fic about your AU :) This would be Donnie showing his brace to his brothers after his leap of faith.
(Also you can definitely read Donnie & Kendra’s vibes as a crush if you want /pos 😂)
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“Gentlemen, if you would be so kind,” Donnie motions for his brothers to take a seat on the chairs he clearly positioned near the edge of the branch.
“Dee, what are we doing here?” Leo sighs, exasperated by his brother’s dramatics, “You know I love spending time with you guys, but I actually have deliveries to make today.”
Raph throws an arm over Leo’s shoulders, “Pssh, relax Leo, you’re fast enough to make it there in time.”
“Ok I know you’re teasing me,” Leo shoots his brother a side eye, before crossing his arms over his chest in defiance, “but I could definitely make it there and back. With time to spare.”
Mikey laughs while Raph just sighs and they all take their seats.
They’re fairly high up in the Pixie Dust Tree, in an area Leo knows not many fairies fly past. It’s starting to make him a little concerned that his jokes about Donnie murdering Kendra one day aren’t jokes anymore.
His brother woke them up early this morning, telling them that he had something to show them, but refusing to answer what it actually is. He also lugged a massive bag with him all the way here, but didn’t let any of them help with it. And the chairs being up here already proves that Donnie has clearly planned this out. It’s really making Leo believe that this is the last he’s ever going to see of Kendra.
“Yes, yes we all know Leon is fast,” Donnie bats the statement away and turns to his bag, “now if I can bring your attention to why I've brought you here today.”
“Which you still haven't explained, by the way,” Mikey grouches, not quite his sunny self in the dim light of the morning.
Donnie grins in a mischievous way, “All part of the surprise, dear Angelo! Now I need you all to close your eyes.”
Leo rolls his eyes, but closes them anyway, knowing that if he complains they’ll just spend longer up here anyway. “Donald, if you did something to Kendra, just tell us, it’ll make hiding the body easier.”
Mikey snickers beside him.
“I– Wha– No! I haven't done anything to Kendra. Not yet anyway,” Donnie moves on quickly, “I made something and you’re going to like it. Trust me.”
Now, most fairies in the Hidden Hollow are under the impression that Donnie doesn’t do feelings, an achieved product of his so called “Emotionless Bad-Boy Image”. But Leo can hear the excitement in his brother’s voice. He’s fiddling with something in the bag, and the suspense is honestly starting to have an effect on Leo. He’s getting excited too.
“And… open!”
He opens his eyes (Still semi prepared to see Kendra trapped in some kind of way) and is a little confused by what he’s presented with. Donnie is standing near the edge of the branch. His wings, usually down, are spread proudly on either side of him. The tattered one is covered in something Leo can’t quite make out.
Donnie shoots them a smile, and Leo hears a whisper that sounds like “Leap of faith,” and then the tinker fairy drops backwards off the branch and out of sight.
“DONNIE!!” Mikey screams, and Raph leaps out of his chair but Leo, Leo just dives. There's no thoughts about windspeed, hawks, humidity or any of the other things Leo normally has to consider when he flies. There’s no thoughts about how stupid his genius of a brother is, or about how if he isn’t fast enough Donnie might—. No, there is simply the need to move.
And move he does.
He drops like a stone from the height of the Tree, colours blurring past him as he streaks after his brother. His heart is pounding wildly, filled with shock and dread, urging himself to go faster, faster. He thinks he has tears in his eyes, but he tells himself that it’s just from flying at this speed.
He actually moves so fast he overshoots Donnie, who is very safely fluttering in the air.
“Donnie?” Leo rights himself immediately and shoots back up towards his brother. “Donnie! Haha!!” He zips a quick circle around his brother, trying to get his racing heart to calm down. He can see the thing on Donnie’s wing now. It’s a brace. The contraption covering his tattered wing is so delicate, clearly made by Donnie himself. Thin strips reach up the wing, acting as a scaffold for the pieces to stretch across, giving Donnie enough surface area to generate lift. He might not be into science like his brother, but he knows a thing or two about flying, and Donnie’s design is genius.
He’s so relieved it takes him a second to realise that they are still very much hovering above the ground which means, “Holy shit! You're flying!!”
He’s giddy with excitement, this is all he’s ever wanted for Donnie! Leo grabs him by the hands, and spins them in the air with joy. Donnie can clearly sense what Leo’s about to do because he panics and yells, “Nardo wait!” but it’s too late, because Leo tosses him upwards and crashes into him with a hug.
“Hahaha! This is amazing!”
“Ohmigosh! Donnie’s flying!”
Two more sets of arms encircle them. Their other brothers have caught up and Leo can feel in the tightness of his hug how Raph’s panic morphs into shock and then amazement.
“Yes, yes I can fly. Hurrah,” Donnie pats the back of Raph’s shoulder, “Although my wings are still delicate so…”
They all immediately release Donnie. And then Raph whacks him on the back of the head.
“You idiot! What were you thinking! You gave Raph a heart attack!”
“Well I’ve done the jump before so I know the brace works–”
“You WHAT?”
“ –I just needed to show you guys too.”
“Yeah but you could’ve warned us Dee.” Mikey pokes him in the shoulder, a hint of Doctor Delicate Touch peeking through.
Donnie shoots him a cheeky grin, “Where’s the fun in that?”
Leo’s amazed. He’s still chuckling. Of course Donnie would build himself a way to fly. Something as silly as a tattered wing was never going to stop him. It was only a matter of time.
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Also not seen:
Donnie pretty much immediately sagging, because his wings aren’t used to flying for extended periods yet, and Raph hoisting him onto his shoulders to fly them back to the tree.
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Anyways hope you enjoyed! Go give Lara’s AU a look. It’s amazing 🤩
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glowettee · 26 days ago
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how i grew my hair past waist-length + how you can too 𓂃۶ৎ
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by mindy @glowettee
hey lovelies! it's mindy,
welcome to another post. today i want to share my journey on how i grew my hair past waist length + some secrets on how you can do it too. growing out your hair can be literally a test of patience, commitment, and self-love – but honestly? it’s so worth it. in this post, i’m going to break down my experiences, tips, and tricks that helped me along the way. it took me 4 years to grow my hair past waist-length, my hair is currently 27 inches long (from the last time measuring it at the salon) it took a lot of maintenance, and my hair is honestly a part of my identify and it's extremely special to me. hopefully this post can help you. remember to do research on YOUR hair type, advice on straight hair won't work for curly, and some advice for curly hair won't work for coily hair, so just make sure to research for your specific hair type. all love from mindy <3
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✧ my hair journey: the beginnings ✧
i still remember when my hair was just reaching shoulder length. i was excited to think about growing it out, but i soon learned that longer hair requires a whole new level of care. i realized early on that to gain length, i needed to focus on both cutting out damage and nurturing healthy hair growth. starting with a proper care routine was a game changer for me.
✧ the fundamentals: care + commitment ✧
here are the number one basics that helped me grow my hair way past my waist:
regular trims: while it may seem counterintuitive, getting a trim every 8–12 weeks is key. this may feel like you’re cutting off growth, but removing split ends prevents breakage and keeps the hair looking fresh. honestly? it saved my hair more than once.
deep conditioning: i incorporated a weekly deep conditioning treatment into my routine. choose a product that suits your hair type (yes, even curly/coily or fine hair can benefit amazingly) and leave it on for a solid 20–30 minutes. this extra care helps your hair stay moisturized and resilient.
minimal heat styling: i slowly phased out daily heat use and embraced natural styles. using heat less often has helped reduce damage and keeps the hair stringy and strong.
healthy diet: my outlook changed when i started paying attention to what i was eating. incorporating plenty of protein, vitamins (especially vitamins a, c, and e), and omega fatty acids was literally like feeding my hair the nutrients it needed to thrive. it may also be helpful to take a biotin supplement, but always check with your doctor first.
gentle products: i switched to sulfate-free shampoos and conditioners that gently clean without stripping away natural oils. these gentle formulas help maintain the protective layer on your hair, which is essential for length retention.
✧ managing expectations + routine adjustments ✧
growing your hair isn’t an overnight makeover – it’s a journey. here are some ways that i kept my mindset positive when the process felt slow:
set realistic goals: i mapped out monthly mini-goals (like how many inches i hoped to grow) and celebrated small wins. every bit of progress was a reason to smile!
patience is key: there were days i felt frustrated when my hair didn’t seem to match up with the pics on social media. i reminded myself that everyone’s hair grows at its unique pace, and mistakes are all part of the learning process.
experiment with protective styles: braids, and buns, became my best friends. these styles protect your hair from environmental stressors while keeping it styled in cute and manageable ways.
listen to your hair: some days your hair might feel extra dry or brittle. learn to adapt by spacing out washes, using a silk scarf or pillowcase to reduce friction, or applying a leave-in conditioner for an extra boost.
✧ extra tips and personal hacks ✧
i want to share some of the little adjustments that made a big difference:
nighttime care: before bed, i always tie my hair in a loose braid or bun and use a satin pillowcase. these small changes can prevent breakage and reduce tangles.
hydration matters: just like our bodies, our hair needs water too! i kept a spray bottle with water + a few drops of essential oil nearby for a quick hydrating mist throughout the day.
massage your scalp: this might sound a bit extra, but gently massaging your scalp for a few minutes daily increases blood circulation to your hair follicles, promoting growth. think of it as a self-care ritual that gives both your scalp and mind some love.
avoid over-washing: i found that washing my hair too frequently stripped away its natural oils. switching to washing every other day or even less frequently (depending on your hair type) helped maintain a balanced moisture level.
✧ some extra tips ✧
scalp yoga: try more than just a massage, incorporate gentle scalp exercises. after your massage, lightly tap or do slow circular motions with your fingertips to boost blood circulation. it's like a mini workout for your scalp that can encourage growth.
herbal rinses: switch up your rinse by brewing an herbal tea. steep rosemary or a blend of nettle + horsetail leaves, let it cool, and use it as your final rinse. these herbs are known to strengthen and add shine, giving your hair an extra boost.
overnight oil rituals: instead of heavy leave-ins, try a mix of a touch of castor oil with a few drops of argan oil. give your scalp a gentle massage before bed and let this lightweight oil work overnight (a silk scarf can help keep it in place).
cold water finish: end your wash routine with a blast of cold water. this trick helps close your hair cuticles, sealing in moisture for a smoother, fuller look.
nutrient water infusion: add a splash of coconut water to your wash. it may sound unusual, but coconut water carries vitamins and minerals that can nourish your hair from within, helping it feel extra strong over time.
✧ the mental journey ✧
growing my hair was not just about physical care; it was also about treating myself with kindness throughout the process. there were times when i felt insecure about how my hair looked during the awkward growing phase. but by embracing that phase as part of my unique journey, i learned to love every stage of my hair’s evolution. remember, bestie, progress is progress – no matter how small.
✧ a little homework for you ✧
if you’re ready to start your hair growth journey, here are some actionable steps to try today:
write down your hair goals. how long do you want your hair to be? what aspects of your hair care routine do you hope to improve? jotting down your goals sets a clear path forward.
evaluate your current routine – are there any habits you can change? maybe add one new habit, like the nighttime routine or a weekly deep conditioning session.
track your progress: take a picture of your hair each month and note any changes. this not only motivates you but also helps you see how far you’ve come.
join a community: even if it’s on tumblr, instagram, or a hair care forum, connecting with others on the same journey can provide tons of tips, support, and gentle encouragement.
growing your hair past waist length isn’t about perfection – it’s about enjoying the journey, caring for yourself, and celebrating each inch gained. i hope my experiences and tips provide some helpful insights on your own path to long, healthy hair.
sending you all love and all the good vibes as you work on your hair goals.
xoxo, mindy 🤍
girl talk, but make it anonymous. submit your dilemmas, i’ve got you: https://bit.ly/glowetteehotline
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spectersgirl · 1 year ago
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what if harvey specter’s wife worked from home and has a last minute work emergency, so harvey had to take their daughter to work? hope that made sense 😭.
I loved this prompt! I changed it eeeever so slightly but it doesn't affect the overall product. I'm working on making these longer which does mean that it'll take me longer between posts but I'm hoping length makes up for it?? Or maybe this is too long. Idk. I've been writing it for daysssss. I think I don't love the end quarter or so, but I wanted to get it out there. Also I decided to name the daughter, I'm not sure how I feel about doing that versus just using Y/D/N so let me know what you all think? I'd use a different name each time I wrote something with a daughter in it so that it doesn't feel like a series or the same character in different universes.
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Work with Dad
Harvey Specter x Reader (except you're barely in it lol)
You rolled over at the sound of your phone buzzing incessantly on the nightstand, fumbling for it and answering sleepily.
"Hello? Oh shit, okay I'm on my way." Immediately, you got up and began rushing around to get ready.
"Who's that?" Harvey mumbled, having woken up to your call.
"Work, there's an emergency and I have to go take care of it. I know you have to work but, I can't take Olivia with me to the restaurant and my parents work today... Do you think you could bring her with you?"
Harvey sighed, knowing you were right. It would be easier for him to bring the four-year-old with him to his office as opposed to the very high-end restaurant you ran. Normally on the days you worked away from the house Olivia was in preschool, but today wasn't a school day for her.
"Yeah, that's fine. I have a pretty easy day today, and it's been a while since she's seen everyone anyway." He said, getting out of bed himself and heading to take a shower.
You quickly yelled to him before you left, thanking him for taking one for the team.
Once Harvey finished his shower, he pulled a suit from the closet and put the dress shirt and pants on, opting to leave his suit jacket off for now, knowing he'd likely have to do some wrangling of a certain toddler. As he had this thought, tiny footsteps sounded down the hall toward the bedroom.
"Hi Daddy" Said the tiny voice of his daughter as she ran toward him, arms in the air.
"Good morning princess! How'd you sleep?" He asked, lifting her with ease and kissing her cheek.
"Good, where's Mama?" She asked, knowing the two of you normally got ready together each morning. She was pretty damn smart for her age, and Harvey knew this fact would get him into trouble someday.
"Mama had to go take care of something at work, but guess what? You get to spend the day with Daddy at the firm!" He told her excitedly, raising his eyebrows.
Olivia was hesitant at first, she didn't know exactly what it was that her dad did every day, but she saw him on his computer a lot, and that didn't seem very exciting to her. She was about to protest this, but then she remembered some of her most favorite people worked with her dad.
"Can we see Mike and Rachel?" She asked.
Harvey laughed, nodding.
"And Donna?"
"And Donna." He confirmed with a smile. "You wanna get dressed so we can go see them?"
Immediately, she began squirming to get down from his grasp. Harvey obliged, following the girl to her room to help her pick out an outfit. She eventually elected for her favorite pink dress with flowers, and Harvey approved, finding her a pair of shoes to match.
A short while later, Harvey and Olivia were headed up to the Pearson Specter offices. She couldn't stop talking about how excited she was to see everyone, and Harvey had to keep reminding her that they had work to do and that they might not be able to be with her as much as she had hoped. Harvey had packed a day's worth of activities in a backpack to keep the little girl occupied in his office, and hopefully out of everyone else's business.
The elevator doors opened, and Olivia nearly pulled Harvey's arm out of the socket trying to get to her favorite people as fast as she could. He scooped her up into his arms, foiling her plans. She adorably crossed her arms in frustration, making Harvey chuckle as he walked toward his office.
"We just have to drop our stuff off in Dad's office first, then we can go see your friends, okay baby?"
She agreed, understanding that the quicker she cooperated, the quicker she got what she wanted.
Harvey put all their stuff down in a small pile on the couch in his office, telling himself he'd deal with it later. He knew Donna wouldn't be in for a little longer as he was earlier today than he normally was, but Mike and Rachel were more than likely already hard at work.
"Alright princess, wanna go see Mike?"
Her eyes went so wide Harvey thought they'd pop out of her head. He laughed and opened his door, pointing down the hall and following as she ran ahead of him. She nearly missed his door she was going so fast, but stopped herself when she noticed him seated at his desk.
"Knock before you go in, Liv" Harvey reminded the girl, grinning when her tiny fist tapped the glass of Mike's office door.
He looked up, not seeing her at first and waving Harvey in and looking back down at his stack of papers.
"You're in early, something wrong?" "MIKE!!!" Olivia yelled, startling the junior partner before realizing what was going on.
"Livi! How's my favorite Specter?" He asked, getting out of his chair to lift her into a bear hug.
She giggled uncontrollably until he set her back down.
"Well, I'd be offended but she happens to be pretty cool, so I'll let you have that." Harvey said, grinning as he watched his daughter run in circles around Mike's office while he chased her. There wasn’t much space in the junior partner's office, so the chase didn’t last very long.
"Where's Rachel?" Olivia wondered out loud. Mike kneeled down to her level.
"Rachel has school in the mornings, so she won't be here for a little bit longer." Mike explained, but this only confused her further.
"But... isn't Rachel a grown-up?" She asked, making Harvey and Mike smile.
"She's in law school, baby. Some grown-ups go to extra school so they can do their special jobs. Daddy went to law school too, and Mama went to business school and cooking school." Harvey explained.
“Did Mike to go extra school?” Olivia asked
Harvey and Mike share a look before looking back at Olivia.
“Mike’s a long story.” Harvey said.
Olivia seemed to be satisfied, or she stopped caring about his answer. Either way, she nodded and continued laughing and playing with Mike while her dad stood off to the side, only a little offended that she hardly even remembered he was still standing there.
He looked down at his watch, noting the time and figuring Donna was probably at her desk by now.
"Liv, do you want to go see if we can find Donna?" Harvey asked, and the little girl screamed like she was at a Taylor Swift show, jumping up and down with pure glee.
"Did she get this excited to see me?" Mike asked. Harvey chuckled, shaking his head.
"Not even close, sorry Mike. C'mon kid, let's go" Harvey said, lifting Olivia high in the air and onto his shoulders, holding tightly as he walked.
"Oh Donna, I have a surprise for you," Harvey said over the sounds of his daughter's laughter.
"Well, I wonder what the surprise could be! Hmmm, is it a pony? Oh a pony wouldn’t fit in the elevator… Maybe you should give me a hint." She said facetiously, acting as if she had no idea Olivia was there.
"It's me!" Olivia yelled, unable to keep the ‘surprise’ of her presence in any longer.
"Oh it’s Olivia! Hi beautiful! That’s a way better surprise than a pony!" Donna exclaimed. "How'd you get so lucky to come to work with your dad?"
"Her mama had a work emergency so daddy got to take her in with him, huh Liv?" Harvey explained, and Donna nodded in understanding.
Olivia nodded, smiling down at both Donna and her dad, still up high on his shoulders. She reached her arms toward Donna, so Harvey lowered her to the floor. Donna quickly scooped her up and placed her on her hip, giving the girl hugs and exaggerated cheek kisses.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, who let you get so big?”
Olivia pointed at Harvey, smiling happily.
“Umm no ma’am, I specifically told you to stop growing, if it were up to me you’d still be my tiny little baby.” Harvey said, poking her side playfully. She giggled, pushing his hands away with her tiny ones.
"Have you had fun so far Livi?" Donna asked, and Olivia smiled and nodded profusely.
"I ran down the hall soooo fast and Mike chased me in his office and then me and Daddy found you!"
"Wow Olivia! That sounds like a really cool morning!" A voice said from behind. Everyone turned to see none other than Jessica strutting down the hall.
Harvey knew Jessica wouldn’t particularly love the idea of his four year old daughter hanging around in his office all day, but he also knew there was nothing else he could do. He was a parent above anything else, so he was going to do what he had to do.
“Livi, do you remember Jessica?” Harvey asked.
Olivia nodded, a bright smile on her face.
“It’s great to see you again cutie” Jessica said with a smile of her own.
“Look I know you’re probably mad but-“
“Harvey relax, I’m not mad. Just as long as she doesn’t get into anything she shouldn’t, she's welcome here." Jessica stated, easing Harvey's mind. He nodded in understanding and watched as she walked back to her office.
"Alright Liv, I've got some work to do in my office and I brought you some fun stuff to do while I work. Maybe later we can come back out and see Donna if she's not too busy, alright?"
Olivia huffed in disappointment, but she knew better than to fight with her dad. He placed his hands out to grab her from Donna, who regrettably handed her over. She had known the little girl since before she was even born, and she loved her like she was her own blood.
Harvey was actually able to get some work done, and Olivia enjoyed her time coloring in her coloring books and playing with the toys her dad had packed for her. Soon enough, she was hungry for lunch and Harvey took her into the kitchen to retrieve the lunchable he had brought her. Eventually, she grew tired and ready for her nap. When Harvey looked over at his couch after a suspiciously long period of silence, he saw her fast asleep. He smiled, standing and taking his suit jacket off, draping it over her small frame. She napped this way for about an hour, and when she woke up, she was overjoyed to learn that Rachel had finally come to the office.
"Rachel!!!" Olivia yelled in the doorway of Rachel's office, and she was quick to run in for a hug.
"Livi! Hi cutie! I heard you were here today, I couldn't wait to get done with school so I could see you!" Rachel said as she scooped the little girl up for a big hug. Olivia wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck happily.
"Do you have fun at big girl school?" Olivia asked.
"Law school is very different from normal school, so it's a lot harder, but it's what I love doing so that makes it fun!" Rachel explained.
"Do you get to color there?"
"No, theres no coloring. There's lots of reading and talking to other students and learning though!"
"I think I like my school better, we get to color and play and sing!"
This made Rachel laugh, and nod her head.
"Keep it that way as long as you can girly." Rachel said.
"Liv, it's almost time to go home. You wanna come say goodbye to everyone?" Harvey interrupted from the doorway.
Olivia nodded sadly, crossing the room to take her father's outstretched hand.
"Bye Rachel, have fun in big girl school."
"I will, bye Livi"
Harvey led her back through the office, stopping at everyone's offices so she could say her goodbyes, stopping at Donna's desk last. She gave the red-haired woman the biggest hug she could, Donna was her most favorite person after all.
When Olivia got home, she was thrilled to find her mom was there waiting for her and Harvey with dinner in the oven. She couldn't resist telling her mother about every last detail of her thrilling day at her dad's job.
"Well that's exciting! It sounds like you were a good little employee for daddy" You mused, looking up at Harvey with a grin.
"She's the best damn paralegal I've ever had. Might just have to hire her" Harvey joked.
"Does that mean I have to go to big girl school? That sounds really not fun."
You and Harvey laughed.
"Baby, if you don't want to go to big girl school we can talk about that when you're older." You reassured.
"You think with that attitude she has she won't want to be a lawyer like her old man?" Harvey said, smirking.
"Oh, she'll want to be in debate before she hits high school."
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pedroshotwifey · 11 months ago
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Without Words
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This can be seen as a stand-alone but I count it as a part to two this fic
Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
Word count: 2.6k
Tags/Warnings: Oral (m), cock worship, piv sex, rough sex, choking, semi-public sex, sprinkles of feelings, age gap, face fucking, degrading names (affectionate), cum eating, stuff I'm forgetting
Summary: You want to show Joel how much he means to you...but maybe in a less classy way.
A/N: Hey, babes! I hope you enjoy this part! I know a lot of people wanted to see an update, so here we are <3
*****
It’s been another long ass day. You and Joel were able to pick up the same shift, but there was enough work for four people—which is not the norm for the job you’d picked today. It took you three hours too long, but you’d gotten it done. Now that you and Joel aren’t glaring daggers at each other anymore, you’re actually able to be productive. 
You walk hand-in-hand with him now toward your shared apartment. It’s been about a year since the two of you had caved into each other, and things honestly couldn’t be better. You’d had your fair share of fights—which is only to be expected with the attitude you both possess—but things have been good. 
You moved into his apartment a couple of months ago, since he kept having to sneak out of yours too close to curfew. He practically lived at your apartment, even though his was bigger, because he didn’t want to risk you walking home late at night. It was an effortless change for you. 
There was the issue at first about your age difference, and about how people might react when they realize what the two of you had become, but neither of you wanted to let that affect you. It’s the end of the fucking world, as Joel had put it, you both deserve to spend it with whoever you want. 
You look up at him, admiring the way he walks so confidently with you on his arm. Like it’s no big deal at all. It took a little while for people to stop giving the two of you strange looks, but even from the start, he had embraced your relationship with no shame. 
You haven’t even told him you love him yet. 
It’s more of an unspoken thing, you think. Something you show with gifts and actions and physical affection, because deep down, you’re both still broken people in the apocalypse, and you don’t want to admit that you have a weakness. That’s what love is, after all. Just another thing for you to lose. 
“Joel?” 
It’s only now that you finally lose your composure. All damn day, you’ve been distracted, and you can tell he knew that much, but maybe not exactly what the problem was. Maybe it’s that thought—that you haven’t told him how you feel. But you know that you won’t even now. So you’ve been caught up in other ways to show him, to tell him. 
You’ve been thinking about it all night. Ever since the two of you got home from your shift and he shucked his pants off to change. It’s not your fault, really. Not your fault the man has a massive fucking cock that makes a sizable, mouthwatering—and extremely daydream-able—bulge in his boxers. 
You’re not usually a weak woman, but. Shit. Nobody would be blaming you for what you’re about to do if they were in the position to do it. 
“Let me suck your dick,” you whisper up at him, watching his eyes go wide as he snaps his head left and right to make sure nobody heard that. 
The two of you had gone to the last dinner offered at the hall, so it’s pretty dark out, and it’s also been raining for the last hour or so. There are only a few people out other than you since it’s so close to curfew, but Joel’s face still goes a little red at your request. You can’t help but bite your lip to contain your smile. 
It really is funny how flustered he gets about you saying something like that when he’s the one who loves to talk about railing you in public. There’s not a single person under the canopy that you stopped under, but he still lowers his voice as he speaks. 
“Yes fuckin’ please,” he says through a scoff. “But you couldn’t wait to run that filthy little mouth until we got home?” 
You shake your head, smirking at him. You swear you can feel your heart beating against your ribs as you wait for him to understand your request. Your body is going hot from the pure want coursing through your veins. 
“I want it now,” you practically whine as you pull on his arm like a petulant child. His eyes go wide again.
“Now?” he asks, obviously a bit shocked at your sudden desperation. 
You nod at him, licking your lips. 
This time, you catch a small twitch from between his legs before you give him your best doe eyes. You glance at the dark, empty alley a few feet away from you, and his eyes harden. He glances around one more time, clutches your upper arm, and drags you into the concealed space. 
“Shit, baby, just be fuckin’ quick about it,” he mutters as he shoves you down to your knees. You smile devilishly up at him as your hands immediately fly to his zipper. 
You frantically pull them down, the zip getting stuck halfway due to the massive bulge pushing against the denim. Joel hisses and you whimper as you snag it down quickly, not caring if it breaks or not. 
The first time you saw him, you’d had a hard time admitting to yourself that it was the most gorgeous cock you’ve ever laid eyes on. It took a minute for you to understand that he wasn’t a threat, and only then did you allow yourself to appreciate the appendage to the degree that you do now. Since then, you’ve been sure to let Joel know just how much you love it. 
It makes your mouth water as you pull it out from his pants. Girthy and long enough to still almost scare you even at half-mast. You know how it fits inside you though, how good it makes you feel when he’s pummeling it into your sore, stretched cunt at full force. 
You want it to feel as good as you do, to feel the way your wet, hot mouth can wrap around it and slobber on it until Joel’s thick thighs are shaking with need to spill his seed down your welcoming throat. 
The feeling of one of Joel’s hands threading your hair between his fingers and pushing you toward his crotch pulls you out of your daze. 
“You gonna suck it or fuckin’ stare at it?” 
You shoot Joel an annoyed glance and squeeze him lightly in warning. You give in anyway, however. It really doesn’t take much. 
He makes a grunting sound as you take the fat tip of him between your lips, suckling the head and tonguing at his slit as your hand pumps the rest of him. You love the taste of his salty pre-cum on your tongue as you eagerly lap him, trying to get more. 
Joel pushes harder on the back of your head and bucks his hips forward—though you’re not sure if that part is voluntary. Your hand moves back to the root of him, holding tightly and pushing him so that he can’t shove himself into your mouth. 
You pop your mouth off of him, ignoring the string of spit that keeps you connected to his soaked tip. With heavy lids, you glance up at him to find that he’s staring back at you with a look in his eyes that can only be described as fiery. 
“Be patient, old man, I’m trying to enjoy myself.” 
Joel scowls at you. “The fuck you mean enjoy yourself? You’re suckin’ my cock,” he snaps.
“Okay, well I happen to really fucking like sucking your cock, Joel, so be. patient.” 
He rolls his eyes at you and leans his head back against the brick wall behind him. Satisfied that he’s stopped arguing, you go back to his dick, grabbing it so that the underside of it is facing you. 
You lean forward to lick up the entirety of it, coming down to suck and kiss at his balls every couple of strokes. Your head is going a bit fuzzy and your core is throbbing almost painfully with need. 
You can’t stop though, you love the feel of his silky skin on your tongue, the way it moves slightly with each pass of your mouth. You moan loudly against him, enough so that it reaches Joel’s ears through the sound of the heavy raindrops pelting the ground and buildings around you. 
He pulls sharply on your hair, but is unable to pull you away with how tightly you latch on to his thighs. You squeeze your eyes shut and just about double your efforts to ensure he won’t make you stop. 
“Gotta hush, baby. Sound like a fuckin’ whore, moanin’ on my cock like that,” Joel squeezes out at you through gritted teeth. 
“Yeah, but you love it,” you pull away just enough to retort.
“Damn fuckin’ right,” Joel smirks back at you as you get back to work. “Little s-slut just for me.”
When you lean forward this time, you take him fully between your lips, swallowing as much as you can to get him as deep as possible. You know you’re drooling, but you can’t find it in you to care, you’re far too drunk on his taste, his scent, the feel of his cock inside your greedy mouth. 
Joel groans as you suck harshly, resisting the urge to gag as you hold him in your hot mouth and fondle his balls. God, you can’t fucking get enough. You pull back again once you literally can’t breathe, but not before taking his balls into your mouth once a piece. 
“Fucking love your cock, Joel,” you tell him as you stroke him lazily. 
“I know you fuckin’ do, darlin’. Why don’t you show him how much? Make him feel good, hm?” 
You nod eagerly at him and put your mouth back on him, bobbing your head and using your hand to tightly pump what you’re not able to reach. Joel makes a choked sound and grips your hair so tight that tears spring to your eyes. 
The sounds reverberating through the alley are nasty, but it only turns you on more. Between Joel’s bitten-down moans and the sound coming from his dick being slammed down your throat, it’s a fucking symphony in your ears. 
“Shit,” Joel breathes from above you. “Want to be inside you, baby.” 
You shake your head as much as you’re able. You want his cum down your throat, that’s the whole point of this. Twin tears trail down your messed cheeks with the movement, but you keep going at a quick but steady pace. 
He grunts and pulls on you again, and this time, you’re forced to let go. 
“Joooel,” you whine, hands going out to grab at him, only for him to squeeze again and hold you firmly in place. 
“You fuckin’ quit that, now,” he commands, and you do. Albeit reluctantly and with a furious pout. His cock bobs tauntingly in front of you, throbbing and glistening with your saliva. 
“C’mon, princess. Up.” 
You continue pouting but do as he says, letting him haul you up so he can pull your pants and underwear down. You yelp, not expecting that part so quickly. The cool, moist air hits your heated core and you clench your thighs, making it more difficult for Joel to spin you around and shove you against the wall. 
He’s behind you again in a heartbeat, the tip of his cock breaching your tight hole as he presses his entire front to your back. You keen as he slides into you, the stretch making your toes curl in your boots. 
“See?” Joel mutters into your ear. ���Shut you up quick, didn’t it?” 
You can only nod as he starts to move inside of you, your slick making it easy for him to build up a quick pace. Your fingers spread out on the brick wall as he grips your hips and thrusts harshly up into you, a sheen of sweat starting to cover your body at the force in which he’s using you with. 
He hits your g-spot each time, making you huff out weak little moans to mingle with his grunts. His heavy balls slap against you with each thrust, making a lewd sound against your soaked seam and sending shocks atop your swollen clit. 
You mewl as your orgasm starts to build, a warmth starting to spread throughout your entire body. And when Joel brings one hand to wrap around your throat, you just about lose it. He squeezes the sides, cutting off your airflow and making your head spin. 
You close your eyes and your senses hone in only on the feeling of his cock spearing into you, the way his grip is so hard on your hip that there are sure to be bruises in the morning. Your head rolls back onto his shoulder and he uses the opportunity to nuzzle your jaw. 
“So s-soft ‘n’ wet for me, ain't ya? Like soaked fuckin’ silk.” 
You whimper as much as you’re able, your body starting to shake as you get closer to the edge. Joel lets his fingers ease up from the grip he has on your throat, allowing air to sweep back into your lungs, and you explode. 
You moan obscenely as you cream on his cock, his hand moving to your clit to thumb tight circles and prolong your pleasure. Your hands move from the wall to grip hard onto his forearms. 
“That’s a good girl,” he growls into your ear. 
“M–Please, Joel,” you whine. “Let me swallow–I–” 
Joel’s dark laugh startles you, but he moves to give you what you want. He pulls his cock out of you, and you suddenly feel empty. You whine despite yourself, but are quickly distracted again by the way he spins you around and shoves you back to your knees, your pants still pulled down around your ankles. 
You watch him dazedly as he fists his drenched cock and then guides it back to your swollen lips. You taste yourself on him as he pumps his hips and glides onto your tongue. He places a hand on the back of your head again, helping you take him. 
“There you go, you fuckin’ cum-hungry little slut.” 
You moan, and you can tell that’s his undoing as the vibrations travel through his length. He shudders and groans into the empty alley as his balls tug up and he spills into your mouth. You greedily drink him down, gripping his thighs and closing your eyes as you focus on not spilling a single drop. 
He pushes your head down until he hits the back of your throat, waiting for you to gag before he slowly pulls all the way back out. You’re both sweaty and panting but you still open your mouth and tilt your head up for approval that you swallowed every bit of his cum. Joel watches you with parted lips and nods. 
“Good job, princess,” he tells you, and you smile. 
“Alright, baby, I gotta get you home before curfew,” he says after a moment. “Let’s get you cleaned up so it doesn’t look like we just fucked in a damn alley.” 
You grin at him and lift your arms for him to help you up again. You don’t tell him that it’s pointless to clean you up since you’ll just end up in the same state once you get home. If there’s one thing that will never dwindle in your relationship, it’s the insatiable hunger that the two of you harbor for one another—and all the messes and mischief that comes with it.
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lincolndjarin · 1 year ago
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Every Now and Then - ch. two
[ And if You Only Hold Me Tight ]
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pairing : joel miller x f!reader, platonicsoulmate!tommy & f!reader
word count : 9.3k
summary : you spend some time tommy, you spent some time with joel.
tags/warnings : 18+ mdni, angst, canon typical violence, language, panic attacks, violence, injury, wounds, possessive behavior, toxic relationships, animal death, i probs missed some i never know how to tag so lmk if i misses anything !!
a/n : this took so long and i dont even know it its good so i'm deeply sorry about that.
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ao3 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ series masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ main masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ kofi
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Now - JACKSON, WYOMING : 2023
“It’s nice to meet you Ellie.” You hold your hand out across the table to her, offering your own name up in the process, noticing an incredulous look in her eyes as you say it. Of course she doesn’t shake it, you’ve worked with enough survivors her age to know how they think. 
She doesn’t trust any of this, and you can’t blame her. Every single thing she’s seen since arriving here is too good to be true, she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s okay, you can be patient. She just needs to learn how to be a kid again. When she makes no attempt to move you pull your hand back, your smile never wavering. You’ve met kids in much worse condition than this, you can work with this. 
“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Ellie.” You set the notebook you’d been writing in back down onto the table, you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation for her, it needs to be a conversation or you won’t get any of the information you need.
“Like what?” She’s slouched down into the chair, her arms crossed across her chest. She has her defenses up, she has spent her entire life protecting herself, she isn’t going to stop just because a stranger offered her a mug of tea. A mug of tea that she has notably not touched. 
“Anything you want to, or I could ask some specifics if you’d like.” You take a sip of your own tea, hoping it might show her it’s safe. She only hums in response, you decide it might be for the best if you just ask her what you need to know. “Let’s start with a few easy ones, how old are you?” 
“Why do you need to know?” 
“We need to assess your health, what classes you’ll be put in, if you’ll be needing any feminine products. I promise, anything I ask is for your own good.” Seeing kids like Ellie is a painful reminder of just how lucky your own little ones are, it’s a wonder she made it this far. You can’t hold her skepticism against her, her distrust is why she’s still alive. “Would it help if we brought your father in? He’s just down the hall with Maria.” You aren’t sure why, you typically handle every stray but she had insisted on helping you out today. She’d spewed some sort of excuse about how Ellie might need some special attention but as far as you can tell she’s in the same state that most kids are in when they arrive. 
“He’s not my dad.” She’s quick to say it, as if it’s a sore subject. 
“May I ask his relation to you then?” Maria had told you she arrived with her father, you were told to expect one teenage girl and one man in his fifties.
“He’s… my friend?” She sounds unsure, unsure enough to ring alarm bells in your head. 
“Honey, are you in a safe situation? We can help you if you need-” She doesn’t even let you finish your question before sitting up straighter.
“No, no, no, gross, it’s not like that, he’s not like that.” The look of disgust on her face brings you immense relief, this world is full of enough horrors for a young woman to face. 
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Even if she hasn’t been through that, she hasn’t had it easy, no one has. But there’s something distinct in her eyes. Loss. She’s seen more than enough of it, more than anyone her age should. Her eyes keep darting to the door, her head tilts in that direction every time someone walks by. She’s worried about her companion. She doesn’t want to lose him too. “I know none of this makes sense, and you have no reason to trust me but I need you to try Ellie. And if I ask you anything you aren’t comfortable with then you don’t have to answer but I need you to try, please. The faster we finish up here, the faster you can get back to your friend.” 
She takes a moment, you’re practically holding your breath when she finally nods.
Perfect, you can work with a nod. You love a nod, a nod is all you need to help this girl.
“Let’s start with your age again.” 
“Fourteen.” You’ll have to have a menstruation kit sent to whatever house they put her in, most people’s cycles start being regular once after a few months in Jackson.
“Thank you.” All you get is another nod yet you can’t help but smile. “Do you know where you were born?”
“No.” Her eyes are trained on your shoes, occasionally darting around the room but staying low for the most part. 
“Where did you grow up?” 
“The QZ.” The thought makes you sick for several reasons. The last place a child should grow up is the streets of a quarantine zone, even if she was in the FEDRA program it wouldn’t have been easy. The thought of any QZ still makes you queasy, even after this long. 
“Which one?” Anywhere but Boston. 
“Boston.” Of course. With your luck she would be. Someone’s far from home.  
“FEDRA program?” As terrible as they are, they always keep the kids' vaccinations up to date, one less thing for you to worry about. 
“Mhmm.” 
“How old were you when you left?”
“Fourteen.” How the hell did she make it to Jackson all the way from Boston in such a short period of time? Why come to Jackson at all? There’s certainly other QZ’s between here and there, there’s probably other settlements too. 
“Can I ask why you left?” It’s not a question you need to ask but your stomach is in knots at the mention of the Boston QZ and you can’t help yourself. 
“I’d rather you didn’t.” Something flashes across her face, she isn’t trying to be rude, she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. 
“That’s fine.” You don’t need to worry about it. She doesn’t know him. There’s no reason for her to know him. QZ’s house hundreds, if not thousands, of people. There’s no reason to spiral over nothing. “Do you have any allergies that you’re aware of?”
“Nope.” She makes a popping sound on the “P” as she leans back in the chair, trying to look relaxed despite how on edge she still is. You decide not to put anymore pressure on her, it won’t do you any good. 
“How are you feeling physically? Any symptoms of illness?”
“Like infection?” You have to stifle a laugh, if she was infected the two of you certainly wouldn’t be sitting here right now. 
“I’m not worried about that, I mean something more like a runny nose or a cough.”
“Oh. No.” 
“Any skills in particular you’d like to learn? Our school system is a little less traditional than what you probably had with FEDRA.”
“I like science.” She sits up a bit, good, you’ve found something that piques her interest. 
“Then I will make sure you’re enrolled in some science classes. But I meant skills like agriculture, construction, or veterinary care. Something you could learn about that interests you. You won’t be asked to help out around town until you’re sixteen but we like to let you explore different things to see what you like-”
“Could I learn how to shoot a gun?” She leans forward before you can finish your thought. 
“You could apprentice some of the hunters, we could also have you trained for patrol and scavenging which involves gun safety and training courses. You’re a bit young for those but I’m sure I could ”
“Really?” You can tell by the inflection in her voice that she still doesn’t trust you entirely, even if she’s excited.
“Of course, you’ll probably be the youngest student in the training class but I’m sure you can handle it.” She needs something good in her life. You want to protect everyone who finds their way to Jackson but this girl makes your heart ache. Most adults you’ve worked with aren’t able to hold themselves together this long, putting on a brave face despite everything. 
“Do you like burgers?” You almost cringe as you say it, hoping she’s had food outside of the synthetic shit FEDRA produces.
“I guess?”
“I’m having a little cookout tomorrow evening once everyone’s finished their work, it’ll be small, just me and some family but you’re welcome to join. You can bring your friend, I have two little ones you can play with. They might be a little younger than your usual friends but I promise they’re great company.” You swear she almost smiles, and suddenly you just want to make this poor kid smile. “You know, I’ve got a telescope in my garage, so if you stop by it’s all yours.”
“Seriously?”
“Absolutely, I’ve never even touched the thing so maybe you can put it to good use. Let me write down the house description for you, it isn’t too far from this building, you can stop in whenever you want tomorrow. There’s an empty house across the street as well, maybe I could show it to you, see if you like it.” You pencil it down, tearing the paper and handing it to her. This isn’t something you’d typically do but you can’t resist an opportunity to help her feel more at home here. 
“Yeah, I mean that would be great.”
“Perfect.” You lean back in your chair. “What sort of hobbies interest you?” You’ll be in charge of putting together a welcome basket for her since Maria has marked her down as a permanent occupant.
“Reading, I like comics. And I used to draw a lot in the QZ.” Perfect, books are easy to find since Jackson was built around a small library.
“Okay then, I think that’s all I need from you for now but I’ll be around soon once you get housing settled. You can go join Maria and your friend if you’d like, I have to figure out what house we’re going to put you two in but I’ll be stopping by later with a few things for you.” That actually isn’t all you need from her, there are more questions on your mind, one specific question. Ask her what his name is. 
“Thanks.” She stands, quickly heading towards the exit as you grab your notebook, you need to make a list of everything they’ll be needing. 
You shouldn’t. If by some stroke of misfortune you’re right this question will only serve to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to push away. You shouldn’t.
But you do. 
Before she’s out the door you call out her name, you don’t want to know, but you have to.
“Ellie, what’s your friend's name?”
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You found the treehouse two months after you found Jackson. 
With tears streaming down your face you had dropped the twins off at Maria’s, mumbling apologies before going to the edge of town, a large amount of Jackson was empty, and still is. They’re planning for the future. Someday, generations from now, the town will grow and they’ll use these houses to accommodate families. But for now it’s just an empty town, one that you realized had a treehouse. You had hidden yourself away there, curling up into a ball to become as small as possible.
Tommy had found you hours later, shivering, with no more tears left to cry. And he hadn’t chastised you or asked you why you’d done it, he’d just taken your hand and walked you home. It doesn’t take him hours this time, only about thirty minutes according to your watch. You hear the crunch of his boots, the walking pattern you recognize as his, and the creak of the boards as he pushes the hatch open before sliding up into the small space with you. 
Before he speaks you’re already reaching for him, desperate to cling to some kind of familiar safety. 
“Hey darlin’.” It’s a dance you two do, fluid and instinctual as he pulls you into his arms, you slot yourself between his bent legs as he wraps himself around you. You used to sit like this when you couldn’t find shelter on snowy nights, one of the many habits you had trouble breaking when you found Jackson. Maria would never ask you to change your relationship with him, it was a decision you had made with Tommy when he told you he wanted to marry her. A part of you just sort of knew she didn’t like it, so you stopped. And you’d never hold that against her, if the roles were reversed you certainly wouldn’t be as kind as she’s been. That’s why you’ve always loved Maria, since the first day you met her she has been like a sister, patient but blunt with you. 
Except in this one instance. 
She withheld some particularly important information.
“The twins?” You lay back against him as you mumble.
“Maria’s watching them. They’re helping her make dinner, you shoulda’ seen them in the kitchen. I swear she’s the only person they listen…” His voice trails off when he feels you tensing up all over again as you go back to fighting off tears.
A silence falls between you, familiar and reminiscent of your first few days together out in the woods. And just like back then, you’re the one to break it. 
“Have you seen him yet?” The words feel small and hoarse in your throat.
“No. Couldn’t bring myself to.” He rests his chin on your shoulder, you wish you could find comfort in any of this but there’s just too much dread. Too much unease fills your stomach to relax. 
“Does he know you’re here?” You wish your voice didn’t tremble so much.
“Maria didn’t tell him.” 
“Are we sure it’s even him?” 
“Not a lot of Joel Millers walking around during the apocalypse.” It’s like he can sense your skepticism as he quickly continues. “She said he looked like a Miller.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Like me but grayer.” Fair enough.
“Does he know I’m here?” There’s no way. He couldn’t. 
“No.” 
“Good.” 
“Can’t stay that way forever.” You know that. But you don’t have anything to say about it so you move on, and redirect the anger that mixes with your confusion and fear.
“Why didn’t she tell us?” He can’t take your side in this, as much as you want him to, he has to take her side because her’s is the rational one. Do you have a side? Can you be mad at her for this? Are there even sides?
“Probably because she knew we’d react like this.” His head tilts a bit to rest against your own. You’re thankful for this position so you don’t have to look him in the eye.
“She should have told us.” You’re trying to remain calm but your voice is pitching up higher by the minute. 
“She was going to, she just didn’t know how. She thought she had more time” 
You need to relax. It feels like your heart is going to burst from your chest and you’re certain Tommy feels it too. 
“How did he find us?” He wouldn’t have been looking for you specifically, unless he had a death wish. 
“On accident, I think. Maria said he was looking for me when they found him.” That makes sense. It’s just a coincidence that you’re also here. He has no way of knowing that you even know Tommy. How he managed to locate him is another matter. 
“We’re two thousand miles away from the QZ, how the fuck did he find you?”
“He always gets what he wants.” 
You can’t argue with that. Plain and simple, you don’t need much more than that. 
“I don’t want to see him.” An impossible request, but you make it anyway. 
“We both know that isn’t possible.” 
“Tell her to send him away.” Also unlikely. 
“You know she can’t do that, we don’t turn folks away from Jackson.” 
“Then I’ll leave.”
“Like hell you will.” There is no fight in his voice, just certainty as he holds you a little tighter. Not without me. The silent promise that lingers under his words, but it’s more complicated than that now, you have two toddlers and he has a wife, there is no running away from this. No running away from him
He’s inevitable. 
It doesn’t matter if the world ends, and you run halfway across the country, Joel Miller is inevitable.
“He’s got a kid.” You mumble as you reach for his hand, entwining your fingers with his. You hadn’t realized how cold you were until you felt the warmth of his skin against yours. 
He scoffs. “He’s got two.”
“Another kid, some girl. He brought her here all the way from Boston.”
He shifts a bit, clearly confused. “Why?”
“I was hoping you’d know, it isn’t exactly in his nature to help the needy.” 
He pauses for a moment. “Well, I mean, how old is she?”
“Fourteen.” 
“Well there’s your reason, Sarah was fourteen.”
Sarah.
A girl you know very little about other than the fact that she’s your daughter's namesake. Sarah Ruth Miller. It had been Tommy’s idea, you had only picked out a name for a boy and you owed Tommy everything for keeping you alive that long, so when he asked if he could pick his niece's middle name you’d been more than happy to oblige. 
It hadn’t been Joel who told you about Sarah, he never even told you he had a kid. 
Tommy had told you about it just before the twins were born. You’d been snowed into a cabin and he’d just returned from hunting with a grin on his face as he told you he had a surprise. You couldn’t sleep, between the cold and the pain in your lower back you were just too uncomfortable most nights. Tommy always insisted on staying up to keep you company even if he ended up falling asleep most of the time. 
That night he told you about how he lost his niece on outbreak day as he skinned the fox he’d caught in one of his traps as you sat beside him in front of the crumbling fireplace. When he finished the story he held up the pelt and told you he was going to make your babies first blanket with it. 
Of course at the time neither of you knew that he would have to make a second blanket, or that he would need to do it a month sooner than either of you had planned. 
“I invited him to dinner tomorrow.” No sense in hiding the fact from him, he’ll find out either way. 
“What?” His hand tightens around yours and it’s your turn to comfort him as your thumb rubs circles against the tense skin.
“Ellie- the kid, I invited her before I knew about Joel. Even told her she could bring him.” You almost laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds now. Of course you invited him to dinner completely by accident, sounds like something you would do. 
“Then why don’t we just get it over with?” Or you could leave, brave the Wyoming wilderness with your kids and his wife and make a run for it, far, far, away from Joel Miller. 
But you can’t do that. 
So you might as well get it over with. 
“Together?” You bring his hand up to your face to warm the icy skin of your cheek.
“Together.” 
He means it. He stays with you until the next day, walking you back into town and bringing you to his house. Maria starts apologizing the second the two of you walk through the door but you just hug her. She doesn’t owe you anything, any anger you thought you felt towards her was misplaced. 
And you all settle in for the night. 
On particularly bad nights you’ll spend the night at their house. It’s been happening less and less these last few months but it’s an unspoken decision tonight as Maria brings down sleeping bags from the attic for the kids. 
You tuck the kids in by the fireplace, hoping that they don’t catch the vacant look in your eyes as you kiss their foreheads. Thankfully they both seem to be too excited about having a living room campout to notice. You hear hushed whispers from the kitchen, it sounds like an argument so you just sit on the couch, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you stare out the window facing the street. 
What house did she put them in? There are a few options for temporary housing, but he could be anywhere. The thought makes you nauseous. Thankfully you’re distracted when you eventually hear Maria stomping up the stairs followed by a sigh from the kitchen before Tommy joins you on the couch. 
“Everything all right?” You mumble, hoping to not wake the kids as you offer up some of the blanket to him. 
“It will be.”
God you hope so.
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“How do you wanna do this?” 
Good question. 
Preferably you wouldn’t be doing this at all, instead you would be enjoying what might be the last nice day before autumn sets in entirely. You, Arthur, Ruth, Tommy, and Maria. You’d still be happy if Ellie came over by herself but that’s so unlikely you don’t even consider it an option. Joel’s too protective and you confirmed with Maria that Ellie would be coming. He won’t let her go alone, you know that better than anyone. 
You rub the back of your neck with your freehand. “The kids stay inside with Maria.” Ruth is already there, helping her aunt with the salad as Arthur sits in your lap, playing with a few stones he’s set up on the picnic table. 
“Okay.” Tommy’s biting his nails, you’d spent weeks reprimanding him about that until he broke the habit.  
Your knee starts bouncing, a nervous habit of your own that you’ve had for as long you can remember. Thankfully Arthur simply hums to himself as you bounce him. As far as you can tell neither one of the twins knows something is wrong, you can only hope it stays that way. 
“We can wait for them out here, I can ask Ellie to go in and help Maria with the kids.”
“And then?”
You frown in contemplation. “I haven’t planned that far ahead.”
“So you didn’t plan for the most important part?”
“Did you?” 
His teeth shift when you ask, biting down hard enough to split his nail lower than he intended. You watch as blood blooms there while he curses under his breath.   
“Shit, go inside and grab a bandage, they’re in the cabinet above the sink.” He stands as you wave him towards the house, he brings his thumb to his mouth, his brow furrowed. “And bring Maria and Ruth out with you when you come back so we can go over everything with her.” He nods, humming in response before he disappears behind the screen door.
“Is Uncle Tommy okay?” When you look down you’re met with a worried look plastered on your son's face. You instinctively cup his face with your hand, using your thumb to smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. He looks too much like his father when he does that. 
“He’s okay, love. He’s just gotta go get your Aunt and Ruth.” You lean down, kissing his forehead before turning to set him down next to you. 
“Okay, Mama.” He seems satisfied with your response as he gives your leg a little pat before running off towards the edge of the yard. You’ve got a patch of rocks and gravel the kids like to dig through. You turn to watch him, with your back now leaning against the picnic table as he crouches down, examining the ground before finding a suitable stone. Clutching it in his hand he rushes back to you, holding it up for your approval.
“Very pretty, thank you.” You take it from him with a smile, setting it behind you on the table with the rest of them. He repeats the process several times, staring down at the ground, scrutinizing each rock before bringing the ones he deems good enough over to you. You give appropriate oo’s and ah’s to each one, grateful for the brief peace your son is able to give you. He carries on with this for sometime, until you have a sizable pile of rocks beside you. 
He leaves, and he returns, dozens of times until he decides not to return to the patch of gravel. 
You thank him for the speckled stone he hands you now but instead of running back across the yard he squints, staring up at your expression. 
“What’s wrong?” He hops up onto the bench next to you, grabbing the sleeve of your shirt and bunching it up in his little fist as you give him a soft smile.
“Nothing’s wrong, hon.” You ruffle his hair a bit but he doesn’t seem convinced. 
“Why’d you make a mad face then? Uncle Tommy too.” 
So much for the kids being clueless, they’ve always been too smart for their own good. 
Shit.
You sigh, looking up at the clouds briefly before looking back down at him.
No sense in lying to him. “You know how Uncle Tommy has a brother?” You wrap an arm around him, pulling him close.
His face scrunches up a bit as he thinks. “Yeah…” He doesn’t sound entirely convinced as you give him a reassuring smile. 
“Well, we don’t really- we don’t always get along with Uncle Tommy’s brother, and he’s gonna be visiting us soon.” 
“Why?” 
“He’s in Jackson for a little bit, and he came a long way to get here-”
“No Mama, why don’t you like him?”
This is a conversation you had hoped to have with your children when they’re older. Preferably it would be one you wouldn’t have to have at all, but it’s just another unavoidable part of Joel. They’re already old enough to ask questions, it started when kids in their class began asking if Tommy was their dad. Which of course led to the twins asking you one night just before bed the same question. 
“No love, he’s your uncle, who told you that?” You don’t want that rumor going around, people already talk about it, it doesn’t help that they both bear a resemblance to him.
“No one, Annie asked us.” Your daughter answers as you brush some of her hair behind her ear.  You recognize the name, it’s a girl in their daycare class. 
“And what did you tell her?”
“That we just got a mom.” Ruth answers but Arthur picks up the second she’s finished speaking. 
“Do we have a dad?” He tilts his head to the side as you swallow loudly. 
“Yes, you do.”
“Where?” Ruth asks. 
Last you’d heard he was in Boston. 
“I’m not sure.” They turn and look at each other before turning in unison towards you, you should have known they wouldn’t take that answer. “We lived together for a little while, in New York, and then we got separated.” None of that means anything to either of them but it’s an answer, which is better than nothing.
Arthurs tiny hand squeezes yours, pulling you back into reality. You often wonder if they know when you’re lost in a memory, he looks up at you curiously. What did you do to deserve such a patient child? 
You take a moment to think of a way to phrase it. “We… got into a fight. A long time ago.”
“About what?”
“Grown up stuff.” Your heartbeat quickens, you don’t want him to know about all that, he’s too little, you need to end this conversation.
“What kin-“ When he starts another line of questioning you poke at his sides, sliding him off the bench in a fit of giggles. 
“Time to go inside, nosy little man.” You follow after him as he rushes away, brown hair that’s just starting to curl at the ends falling into his eyes as he runs away from the house.
You catch up to him within a few steps, scooping him up and cradling him like a baby. He lets out a high pitched shriek until you squish your face into his cheek, kissing the rosy skin until he quiets down to a few small giggles. 
“Your aunt needs some help in the kitchen, you’re gonna go play with her and your sister now.” He nods as he squirms in your arms until he’s more comfortable, wrapping his arms around your neck and resting his chin on your shoulder as you walk him back towards the house. 
He’s gonna need a nap soon, which means Ruth is gonna need a nap soon. Maybe you should try and get them both down before everything else happens. 
Right on cue, Tommy pushes open the door with Ruth on his hip, Maria not far behind him. Based on the smiles they’re both sporting you can assume they’ve made up. They always do. 
“I think it might be time for these two to head inside.” Tommy gives you a soft smile and for a single second you get to pretend that everything’s fine. Maria takes a lighter towards the grill, trying to light it as you go to stand next to Tommy, the twins both grinning at each other. 
In your own little bubble, everything is completely fine, and you’re with your family. 
And at the end of your single perfect second the bubble is popped. It all happens before you’re ready, although you doubt you could ever really be ready for this. 
Maria pockets her lighter, mumbling something about going inside to look for matches after a few unsuccessful attempts. You set Arthur down, nudging him in her direction, he quickly runs towards her, taking her hand as she begins to make her way back towards the house. Tommy wraps his free hand around your shoulder. Giving you a reassuring squeeze as you rest your head against him to stare at your little girl. 
“We’ve got this.” He gives you another squeeze but you’re struggling to find safety in it. He’s always been the strong one, the confrontational one. He’s got this. You don’t. You tilt your head to stare at him when Ruth’s gaze goes from your face to his but your head snaps to the side when you hear your name called. 
Everyone looks up. The twins, Maria, Tommy, and you, as Ellie walks around the side of the house and waves at you. The sound of your name makes the man walking behind her look as well, his all too familiar scowl scanning the yard, softening into a look of disbelief when his eyes settle on you.
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Then - NEW YORK CITY, QUARANTINE ZONE : 2019
“I don’t like havin’ you out there on your own. I worry too much.” He mumbles the words against the back of your neck as he tightens his hold around your waist. At some point the two of you had stopped pretending you’d wake up any other way and just went to bed like this. “Stay here, angel.” 
You’re so comfortable you almost consider it, but you ran out of cards last week and you’re cleared for work as of today. “I have to go if I want to sign up for any of the well paying shifts, Joel.” You peel his arms off of you, sitting up as he matches your movements. 
“Don’t sign up for that shit, it’s always somethin’ stupid or dangerous.” His voice is low and thick with sleep as he wraps his arms back around you. “If you need somethin’ I’ll get it for you.” He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks, his coarse facial hair rubs against your shoulder as he murmurs. 
Who knew big, scary Joel Miller could be so clingy. 
The most surprising part of your relationship, if you could even call it that, with Joel is just how needy he is. You don’t have any problems with it, it’s just a bit of a shock. Although maybe needy isn’t the right word. 
Protective. 
You’ve left the apartment two times in total since moving in with Joel, both times you insisted on needing air much to his dismay. He accompanied you around the block without a word the first time. The second time was the same, the only difference was that you stopped to buy a small bag of buttons, Joel had frowned as you made small talk with the older man sitting behind the table before rushing you home. 
“You could have just told me you needed buttons.” He grumbles as he holds the door open for you as you make your way to the kitchen table, taking a seat as you take his flannel off of you, the sight of your tattered sports bra serves as a reminder of how badly you need to get back to work once you’re cleared. 
“I don’t need buttons, you do. Every shirt you own is missing at least one.” You laid the shirt down on the table, pointing to the drawer next to the sink. “Get me the sewing kit.” His frown deepens but he does as you say before sitting down across from you.
Reaching across the table he sets the box down beside you, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Still, you should have just asked me.” 
You open the small tin, unspooling a bit of thread. “I needed to go outside for a few minutes, it’s stuffy in here.” 
“We could have opened a window.” He grumbles under his breath as you grin, holding the thread between your teeth while sliding the other end through the needle.
“It’s not the same and you know it.” You mumble through your teeth before releasing the thread and setting the needle down. You pour the buttons out onto the table, searching for one that best matches the beige of the buttons on the flannel. Eventually his hand encompasses your own as he guides you to one that’s a slightly different shape but matches the color perfectly. “Thank you.” You give him a teasing smile as you place it over the frayed threads where its predecessor once was. 
That was a week ago and you haven’t been outside since but when Joel went to get the mail from downstairs he brought you a notice from the doctor that you were cleared to return to work today. Despite his protests you start to push the blanket off of you but he’s quick to pull it right back up into place.
“Stay, please.” He continues to hum against your skin. 
“I need the money, Joel.” You turn to look at him, his usual morning sulky look seems doubled today.
“How much do you need?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he lets his face fall forward, his forehead resting on yours. 
“It’s not like that.” You swear, if you asked him to, he'd find a way to give you the moon and stars, but you hate relying on him for everything, especially after such a long time of being dependent on him. “I just need to work.”
“You don’t need to. You want to.” His breath still smells like whiskey from last night as he gives you an exasperated glare. 
“Fine, I want to work. My leg’s fine now, you can barely tell anything was wrong with it. I’ll be okay.” You lean just a bit more towards him, kissing his cheek before sliding out of bed. 
You aren’t exactly dating Joel. 
Dating seems so trivial during an apocalypse, and you haven’t had any conversations about it. It just sort of happened. You woke up one day and neither one of you wanted to pull away from the other, and it progressed from there. He came home from a job one night and climbed into bed next to you, wrapping himself around you and he kissed your forehead before falling asleep. You still don’t know if he knew you were awake. The next night you’d taken his face in your hands and kissed him, just to see what he’d do, thankfully after a moment of shock he’d kissed you back. And it just became another unspoken part of your life with Joel. He kissed you goodbye when he left to go do the things he refused to tell you about in any detail, and you always greeted him with a kiss when he returned. 
But you don’t have sex. 
You want to ask him why but you hold your tongue, it’s possible you’re just being impatient or maybe he just wants to wait. So you don’t push it or bring it up because you like how things are with him. 
The word boyfriend is not a word that suits Joel. 
He isn’t your boyfriend, he’s just sort of, yours. 
“Angel, please.” He continues his griping as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 
“Joel, please.” You repeat back at him, trying to mimic his low tone.  
“I’m bein’ serious. Things have gotten bad out there recently, too much FEDRA bullshit.” 
“It’s always been bad and I’ve always managed, I’ll be fine.” You pull one of his shirts out of the closet, slipping it on, starting to button it as he makes his way to the end of the bed. 
“Can we at least talk about this?” He rests his elbows on his knees as he hunches over. The morning haze on his face is gone and is replaced by the stern scowl you’re used to. 
“There isn’t anything to talk about. I’ll be careful, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you tonight.” After digging through the dresser drawers you eventually find your only pair of jeans. Once your boots are laced you walk back over to him, standing between his legs and taking his face in your hands. 
Staring down into his surprisingly gentle eyes, so dark that in the dim morning light they look pitch black. 
God he’s pretty. 
Even with that stupid pout of his. 
“I’ll see you tonight.” You lean down, placing a kiss on his forehead before pulling away only to be stopped when his grip on your waist tightens. 
“Just- wait.” You’re about to push him away with a laugh but his voice cracks just enough to make your smile drop. 
You start to speak in a soft tone but you only get one word out. “Joel…” 
“Please- I just- I can’t let you go out there and sign up for that shit. There’s jobs that aren’t dangerous, simple stuff.”
“Those jobs pay a few cards at best, hon. I can’t wear your clothes forever, I need new underwear, socks, all sorts of things. And I want to contribute around here, I’ll be okay, I promise.” You push the mess of hair falling across his forehead back as you stare down at him. 
He looks so genuinely upset already and you haven’t even left yet, he’s making this far more difficult than you thought it’d be. “I won’t be able to do anything if I don’t know you’re safe. It’s dangerous for both of us, I can’t be distracted like that.” You sigh, long and loud as you drop your hands to your sides. 
The more you think about it the more it makes sense. He really does worry too much, and even if you don’t know exactly what he does for work, you know it’s dangerous. 
Maybe it won’t be so bad. 
“Okay.” You groan. 
“You’ll stay?” The corners of his mouth start to raise a bit. 
“I’ll do the safer jobs.” The hint of a smile that had been on his face dissipates. “It’s a compromise. You can’t always get everything you want.” 
“Fine, come right home after.”
“I will.” With one more kiss he finally lets you go. 
So, at Joel’s request, you sign up for the easy jobs. 
They’re boring, and generally sort of terrible, and they pay the least, but Joel doesn’t make any further arguments about it. So you keep signing up for them. Typically it’s childcare, or filing documents for FEDRA, or working in the entry level food processing jobs. 
Boring, boring, jobs that involve standing around and doing nothing or wrangling kids who don’t deserve to grow up in a place like this. You hate the look on their little faces, they always look too grown up for their ages. 
But you put up with it, because at the end of the day you get to go home to Joel, Joel who seems to be in significantly higher spirits ever since you’ve agreed to those specific jobs. So you make it work. He makes it worth the banality of it all, at the end of your first week back to work he surprised you with a large paper bag, grinning like you’d never seen him before. When you unfolded the crumpled bag you were greeted with a mess of fabric, different colors and textures. You poured the contents onto the bed and immediately realized what he’d gotten you. Bras, panties, socks, and two pairs of jeans. It must’ve cost him a fortune and your eyes began to water immediately. You had wrapped your arms around him, barely letting go of him for the rest of the night. 
After that it got even easier, eventually you got used to it. 
You learned to live with the terrible jobs, and if you wanted anything you couldn’t afford with your meager savings Joel always managed to get it for you, even if you hadn’t told him you’d wanted it in the first place. 
You probably would have stayed like that forever if you hadn’t started taking the long way home. Weeks had passed before it happened, you had grown comfortable, vulnerable. Joel always made sure you felt safe and you let your guard down just long enough for something to happen. 
Joel had left early that morning, telling you that he was gonna be late, before he kissed you, he was out the door before the sun came up. 
Whenever Joel told you he would be late you took the long way home. Winding back alleys that were mostly empty that always led back to the apartment building. It was just a treat for yourself, something to do to fill time that would be spent at home, waiting for him. 
You never had any issues or alterations. 
Until that afternoon. 
Joel will be late. 
So the second your shift is over you take the handful of cards and make your way through the city. And just like you’ve done every other time, you look behind you every once and a while but not nearly as much as you should. Because of this, you don’t see him until it’s too late. 
It’s a younger man, probably a year or two older than you at most peering around the last corner you turned. Once he knows he’s been seen his pace quickens and instinctively you do the same. 
“On the ground!” The second you hear it you pray it’s for someone else, it has to be, you’ve done nothing wrong. You walk faster, hoping to avoid what could be a messy confrontation when the sound of boots slamming on the pavement rushes towards you and you’re forced up against the wall of the alley. 
In your peripheral you catch the white text against the black of his uniform. 
FEDRA. 
Your knees are kicked from under you as he pins your arms behind your back, the force at which your head hits the stone has you dizzy as you try to catch your breath. Too much is happening too quickly, when you finally feel like you can use your voice the wind is knocked out of you as you feel him hit you in the side, hard enough to have you wondering if he broke a rib. The force of the hit makes your knees crumble completely as the officer lets you fall, only giving you enough time to get to your hands and knees before his boot slams into your stomach knocking you onto your side. 
Finally, when you roll over onto your back you get a clear look at him. He looks like your average FEDRA officer, the only thing out of place is the unsure look on his face. Your ears are ringing so you barely make out what he says, all you catch is something about thinking you were someone else, before he turns and leaves as if it never happened.
Leaving you alone to clutch your stomach and wonder what just happened, and what you did to deserve that. 
You’d never heard of random attacks from FEDRA before. Maybe in other zones, but the city has always been calm as far as that goes. Maybe things really did get worse while your leg was healing. 
Joel was right. 
That’s all you can think about as you stumble to get to your feet, everything hurts but now is not the time to assess your wounds, you need to get home before something else happens. You manage to hobble up the stairs of the building, nearly collapsing by the time you opened the door. 
You feel so stupid. 
Joel was right. 
It isn’t safe out there, at least not for you. No one fucks with Joel, no one attacks him on the street because they’re afraid of him. No ones afraid of you. 
It’s a long couple of hours after that. 
Mostly a lot of berating yourself as you try to take in the extent of the damage. 
Surprisingly it seems to mostly be surface level. Sure, you’re going to bruise pretty bad and your face got scraped up on the stones but nothing permanent seems to have been inflicted. 
Once you’ve showered and slipped into an old shirt of his and a pair of panties you climb into bed, wanting this day to just be over, but you know it isn’t. Right on schedule you hear the lock click as Joel steps through the front door, you hide your face in your pillow. 
“What are you still doin’ up? It’s almost midnight.” His voice is a low whisper as you hear the familiar sounds of him kicking off his boots and setting down his things. You hear the outer layer of his clothing hit the floor, you told him a while ago you thought it was gross that he slept in the clothes he wore all day. He started sleeping in his undershirt and boxers after that. “You okay, Darlin’?” The bed shifts as he sits beside you and the second you turn and look at him his jaw twitches. “Christ… what the hell happened? Who did this to you?” He’s managing to stay mostly calm but you’re already worried he’s going to blow. 
“It’s nothing, I just had an issue with an officer on my way-“
“This is not nothing.” He’s already fussing with your face as you take his hands and move them away from you. 
“Joel-“
“Tell me what happened.” It’s a command and you’re too tired to fabricate something, and for the first time in a while, you’re afraid. 
So you tell him exactly how it happened. And before you realize it’s happening you’re sniffling, a part of you feels like you’re about to be scolded for this but he only nods, never interrupting you until you’ve finished. 
Your vision’s blurry with tears when you look up at him, the weight of being attacked starts to weigh heavy as you realize just how lucky you were that that was all that happened. And then you say the words he’s been waiting to hear.
“You were right, Joel.” 
“I’m sorry, angel. I should have been there to protect you.” He holds his arms open and you don’t hesitate as you lean forward into him. You do your best to hold it together as he lays you down before clicking off the lamp and pulling you back against him. He softly scratches your back, kissing the top of your head as he does. It’s silent for a few more minutes until he suddenly whispers into the darkness. “Tell me you’ll stay here from now on.”
“Joel, I-“
“No more going out there without me. You’ll stay safe right here, no one can hurt you here, not while I’m around.” You open your mouth to argue again but stop yourself. 
He’s right. 
Now that you’ve calmed down you know that you’re lucky to even be alive. You don’t know why you were attacked but you know it could happen again, and there are worse things than being beaten. 
No one would hurt you here, not with Joel around. 
“Stay here, angel.” He murmurs, softer this time. 
Joel is right.
“Okay.”
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He isn’t beside you when you wake up, your hands searching through the cold sheets seeking his warmth. He had mentioned something as you were falling asleep about an early morning supply run but you had hoped to say goodbye before he left, you wanted to make him breakfast. As you get ready to roll back over and sleep a bit more you’re startled into an upright position. 
“You should watch where you’re flying, angel.” You bite back a shriek as Tess’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen. 
“Christ, you scared the hell out of me!” Your heart skips a beat as you reach over to the nightstand, pulling on the little chain that turns the lamp on. “Joel’s not even here, what are you doing?” You don’t like the idea of being alone with her, she doesn’t come around much anymore, you used to see her in the hall on her way here constantly, but after you moved in she stopped. 
You do your best not to flinch as she makes her way over to you, standing at the foot of the bed.
“I’m not here to hurt you, there’s no need for theatrics.” You hadn’t realized you were shaking so badly until she said it, it takes a conscious effort but you manage to stop it for the most part. “I’m just here to talk.”
“About what?” 
“About you and Joel.”
You don’t want to talk about that with Tess. You don’t want to talk to Tess at all, she frightens you and she knows it. 
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” This time when you flinch she hesitates. For a brief moment the facade of a woman who fears nothing drops, and you swear you see sympathy in her eyes. “Joel is dangerous, you need to be careful with him or you’re going to get hurt.”
Is that why she’s here? To try and break you up? 
“He won’t hurt me, he cares about me.” You wish you sounded more sure of yourself. 
“You’re right, at least for now.” She flips her pocket knife open, ever so carefully running the blade along the underside of her nails, scraping away any dirt or grime she so happens to find, you fight the urge to flinch again. When she finally looks back up at you she takes a moment, examining your expression as if this was an interrogation. “Being loved by him is the worst thing that could possibly happen to a girl like you.”
You can’t help but scoff, now look who’s being theatrical. “A girl like me?”
“Good, too good. And fragile.” She points at you with the blade before returning to her nails. “He’ll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means breaking you into tiny little pieces, just so you’ll fit in a box he can lock.” 
You’re about to call her a liar but you hesitate. “Why are you telling me this?”
“You deserve to know.”
“Okay, but why? You don’t even like me.”
“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you.” 
Fair enough.
“I think you should go.” You don’t want to hear anything else. You don’t believe anything she’s saying and the entire conversation makes you feel sick. She doesn’t know anything about your relationship with him, and she clearly doesn’t know anything about Joel. He’d do anything for you, you don’t think you’ve ever been taken care of before you met him.  
“What do you know about glue traps?” She doesn’t make any effort to leave so you decide to just answer her with a sigh. 
“Like the ones you use to catch mice? I don’t know, Joel buys them sometimes.”
She points her knife in the direction of the corner of the room, it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust. Sure enough, in the corner of the room, peeking out from under his dresser, is the faint outline of something on the floor, you’d never noticed it before. 
“It’s the worst kind of way to catch a mouse.” She stands, walking across the room and peeling up the trap with the edge of her blade before snapping it shut and taking the edge of the trap between her fingers, dragging it across the floor to the middle of the room so you had a clear view of it. “They’ll do anything to get out.” The tip of her boot nudges the corner of the trap, now that it’s been dragged into the lamp light you can see exactly what she wanted to show you. Two things are in the bloody trap. A mouse, barely alive, based on the way its chest rises and falls, and something else. A caterpillar maybe? 
No. 
A leg. A bloody mouse leg, on the edge of the trap. 
“They’ll chew off their limbs, and peel off their own skin just to get out, the ones that manage to are lucky enough to bleed out somewhere else. The ones stuck in the trap though?” She nods down at the creature you now refuse to look at. “They’ve got it the worst. Suffocation, dehydration, the ones who try to peel off and can’t, bleed out, stuck in place.”   
With a sudden crunch, her boot slams down on the trap. You watch, slack jawed, as she peels it off the sole before tossing it in the bin in the corner. 
“I’d take a quick death over either of those.”
“I think you should leave. Now.” You try to sound authoritative but your voice trembles too much to sound anything but afraid. 
“I heard you got caught up in some FEDRA business yesterday.” She starts again but you’ve had enough.
“Tess.” You manage to have a bit of sterness this time in your tone but it doesn’t seem to affect her much. 
“Fine. I’ll leave. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You catch that sympathetic look one more time before she unlocks the door chain, twisting the doorknob before speaking one last time. “I noticed some of our inventory is missing, this is the only warning you’re gonna get about that. If you want shit like that just ask, I’m sure Joel would be more than happy to have another way to control you.” She doesn’t turn around when she says it, simply slamming the door and leaving. You have no clue what she’s talking about, but that isn’t the part of the conversation that sticks with you. All you can think about is that crunching sound. 
So you avoided her after that, writing off her words as an act of jealousy. 
Joel would never do anything to hurt you.
Of course you know better now. She was just like you, she had been in the glue trap herself when she tried to keep you from joining her, but you hadn’t listened, instead you’d fallen face first into Joel. And he wouldn't let you go without keeping some of you for himself.
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i don't have a taglist anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates on all fics !!
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socialitesleuth · 20 days ago
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:COMMS BEGIN:
Lady P,
Sorry for the early morning comms, hope this doesn’t wake you too early - I make it just after 5 your time.
We’re just finishing up a mission in the Persian Gulf - a luxury hotel collapsed overnight, on an island just offshore Doha. Only built two years ago, whole place is pretty new and shiny.
Been a rough night, Pen - fifteen we were too late to help, including two kids. Just families on vacation...
Anyway, victims are saying they felt tremors, it certainly looks like a quake from the debris now the sun is up and J is absolutely confident it came from beneath the sea bed (absolutely being a rather irritated direct quote, so I’m not asking again).
But… this isn’t a quake hot zone. It doesn’t make any sense, and there haven’t been any aftershocks either while we’ve been working. Five can’t get a good read because of the debris and mineral interference underground. The whole place is on top of the enormous old oil fields, and it sends the scanners haywire.
The company that owns the hotel has set my squid sense off though. Name’s Fulcra, I’ve sent you the profile on them. Ran by a guy named Randall Price. He’s a venture capitalist from Houston originally, but the company’s HQ is a London address. That’s as far as I’ve managed to get.
They own a couple of the small artificial islands around here that are being used as tourist hotspots. Think luxury waterfront villas on stilts kinda stuff, the hotel that’s collapsed was the biggest. Nice place, high end, lots of good dive spots.
This area’s all under a World Heritage protected marine environment permit for a biosphere reserve. They’ve spent decades trying to replenish the mangroves and coastal vegetation after what the oil fields and production did to the waters here, the aquatic populations are only just starting to rise comfortably. I didn’t understand how they even got permission for this sort of work but…
They’ve got a giant platform further out in the Gulf that’s supposedly ‘cleaning the sea’ and helping to replenish the sea bed. Seems to be some sort of agreement that they can build these resorts, in exchange for what appears to be green work. I tried to get a proper look at the platform in Four, out of interest, but they’ve got laser nets up. I got an autoturret my way for trying to go any further in the exosuit…
I’d like to think they’re just really protecting that biosphere, but I don’t get a nice eco-friend impression.
My gut says I’m getting Hydrexler vibes, and you were right about that oily CEO last time. I’m not sure I want to be right, but I do want to know what’s going on here… and I thought you might too, as our resident top agent with a passion for all things Earth-saving.
So, I thought I’d hand it over to you, and let you do what you do best - cosying up to the billionaires and getting them to spill the tea.
Lemme know if you know or find anything on them. We’re going to be here another couple of hours, finishing up stabilising the debris field and having another run through, and then heading back. S managed to get the Price guy on comms briefly, but he wasn’t much for talking. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
G 🦑
:COMMS END:
FIRST DATE?
The flickering light and the soft buzz from her compact device caught her off-guard. Penelope, who had positioned herself in an armchair beside her tall windows after giving up on sleep half an hour earlier, sat herself up a little straighter. The blanket which she’d wrapped around herself was pulled tighter to her frame as her eyes read the message.
The hour might have been earlier and, on any other day, Penelope might very well have still been sleeping, but today was different. She rubbed her tired eyes as they scanned Gordon’s words. At first, she’d hoped it had been something akin to a social call. She rather enjoyed those, especially when they came from Gordon, but the more she read, the more Penelope realised it was anything but that.
Her interest peaked as she reached Gordon’s conspiracy.
Her mouth grew dry when she reached Gordon’s information.
The blanket was thrown off her body and Penelope stood. With her comms device still in hand, her eyes still darting from left to right as she continued her reading, she crossed her bedroom and gently tugged on the bell. 
Minutes passed before a very sleepy Parker knocked on her bedroom door. Penelope, having only just finished Gordon’s message, opened it.
“Terribly sorry to wake you, Parker, but it seems we have a situation. I need you to cancel my schedule for today and then get me all we have on the company known as Fulcra. CEO is a man named Randall Price.”
“But, m’lady, that’s—”
“I’m perfectly aware of that, thank you, Parker. See if you can arrange a meeting of some kind, if that’s at all possible.”
Parker nodded, still more asleep than he was awake, before he trundled off down the hallway to make good of his ladyship’s requests.
Penelope returned to chair by the window and curled herself back up. The sun was just beginning to rise on the horizon as she typed out her reply.
COMMS BEGIN
@squidsinashirt, Thank you for your concern — I shall look into this and get back to you when I
Penelope ceased her typing and sighed. She knew it wasn’t fair to lie to him, not after her sent her looking. A moment or two passed before Penelope deleted her previous sentence and began to re-type it. 
COMMS BEGIN
Gordon,
This company?
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I shall look into this as you requested but, I must warn you, you may not like what I find. Randall Price is… let us say a man I am already familiar with, or rather his business is. What I can tell you is that, for the most part, Fulcra is celebrated as a rather clean company, but that doesn’t always mean much — you were right to mention Hydrexler. The Persian Gulf was supposed to remain a protected marine environment, at least that was how I understood it. I’ll ask some of my World Heritage connections what they know too, see if I can get a bigger picture for you.
Give me a couple of days. I’ll try and, what was it you said? Cosy up to the billionaire? Get him to spill the tea? Parker is going to try and get me an appointment but, if that fails, I do have an alternative plan.
Do try and get some rest once you’ve finished up. The mission in Doha sounds like it’s been a terribly distressing situation for all involved. You know I am always here if you need to talk about it. Any of it.
I’ll be in touch once I hear something.
Stay safe, 
Penny x
COMMS END
-------------------------------------
Once upon a time, names held weight. Penelope had thought that Scott’s name had simply been too tied up with International Rescue for Randall Price to give him the time of day… until she too was ushered away once the more difficult questions were asked. From her other sources, Penelope had heard only rave reviews of the company. Yet something felt… off.
It was just after dinner when Penelope began her second message to Gordon.
COMMS BEGIN
It's too clean. Not sure what’s going on but I definitely sense something. Plan B is in operation. Randall Price might not have wanted to speak to me today, but he did invite me to his Charity Ball this weekend — I’ll see if I can find out more then.
I’m hoping you returned home safe and sound and that you managed to have a good rest. I suppose it’s my turn to apologise if this message wakes you. 
Penny x
COMMS END
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spid3namy · 1 year ago
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— AUGUST
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pairing : e!42 miles x mixed!female reader
summary : rumors spread like wildfire around school, everyone knew everyone's business. who knew the only rumor about you and your boyfriend would be true...?
contains : angst, cheating, song inspired (obviously), they are mid to late teens, miles lowkey stupid asf, implied lying (kind of), might have some incorrect spanish, cussing, not proof read
divider creds : saradika
word count : 2031
notes : lowkey, i only wrote this cus i literally love this song and figured why not write angst. this is my way of being productive while also being lazy asf LMAO. i probably might start a taglist for people who wanna be tagged when i post new things but we’ll see. anyways, i hope you enjoy the story <3
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“Will you call when you're back at school...?”
Summer vacation.
For some, it was a great way to get away from school. To hang out with friends, to spend time with family. Others, it was nothing but a cruel and long three and a half months. 
For you, it was supposed to be a great three and a half months!
Until you found out that you were being shipped away to your grandparents house to spend time with them. Sure, you loved your grandparents but they were just.. so old. Summer was supposed to be the time when you hung out with your best friends!
And most importantly, your boyfriend! But no. 
Before you knew it, you had been packed up and sent on a flight all the way up to the shitty state of Washington. And that’s cruelly how you spent your summer vacation. Being around old people for a long three and a half months literally sucked.
September 18.
The day school started was a nightmare.
Rumors spread around like wild-fire at Visions Academy. Well, you knew that much. Especially with all the rumors that happened last year about the girl that had gotten pregnant. Of course, that rumor had been a lie. But everyone knew about it in the spam of like 20 minutes.
“Y/N! Have you heard yet?”
Your best friend, Juno, is the first one to come up to you the moment you walk through the doors. She was always so pretty when she came to school. If you all didn’t have to wear uniforms, she’d probably be the hottest girl in school with those fire ass fits you knew she owned.
“Heard what exactly?”
“Okay, so I’m guessing you haven’t heard then.”
You look at the girl and raise an eyebrow, brushing your braids behind your shoulder to flow down your back. What the hell was she on about now? Juno was your best friend, yes, but she was too into the gossip the school had going on. Most times, you couldn’t even believe the words she said. 
“Well, are ya gonna tell me?”
Juno stared at you for a few moments before she shrugged, figuring that if you really wanted to know then she would tell you. Even if she knew it was gonna hurt you, it was best if you found out from her and not some random stranger who probably would tell it in the worst way possible.
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
“Uh.. okay? I promise.”
Juno let out a breath and gripped the strap of her tote bag tightly before she spoke in a mess of jumbled up words. “Okay so basically, I heard from Dorothea who heard it from Suki who heard it from Rose who heard it from Verity who heard it from Betty who heard it from Venus, herself, that she and Miles had a little fling over the summer.”
You blink as you watch Juno suck in a huge intake of air. She was acting as though she had been waiting a long time to gain some type of air in her lungs. 
You soon burst out into laughter and shook your head, holding your stomach as you laughed. Juno watched you with confusion clear on your face; she clearly didn’t understand what the hell was funny. 
Once you had slowly started to calm down, you wiped an imaginary tear from your eye and shook your head, looking at the female. 
“Whew, thanks Jun, I really needed a laugh today.”
“I’m being serious, Y/N. I totally think it’s true too!”
“That’s ridiculous, Miles would never do anything like that. Me and he are locked in.���
Juno stares at you before she shrugged; the two of you started your descent down the hallway to where your shared first class was. 
“‘M just sayin’ what I heard. Only Miles would really know what happened. Just hope he doesn’t lie to you.”
You snort and roll your eyes playfully, nudging her with your shoulder and looking over at her. “He would never lie to me.”
“Whatever you say, Y/N. But just remember: men ain’t shit”
“Tha.. thank you for that, Juno. But you’re not really the greatest person to say that. Especially since you’re biased as hell.”
“What? I am not biased!” 
“Yes you are”
Juno rolled her eyes as the two of you walked into the classroom. Anatomy, the board read.
Great, seeing bodies and stuff at 8 in the morning was gonna be so fun. And it was a block class. How fun.
Lunch. Possibly the only good thing about being at this stupid school. You and Juno stand in line together, looking at all the options of food you can pick out. It’s not much. Pizza, nachos, salads, and hot dogs. Barf. 
You let out a sigh and grabbed a plate that had a pretty decent sized slice of pizza. Juno looks over at you and makes a face before she reaches over to grab a salad. The two of you quickly scan your school ids to pay for the food before you walk over to a table where Miles had been sitting. He had been there alone for a while now. 
He was fortunate enough to have his own food.
Juno sits in front of you two before she nudges her head over to the male who was too busy drawing in his stupid sketchbook to even notice that you were even there. You give a look before you sit down next to your boyfriend, peering over his shoulder a little to see what he was doing.
“Whatcha drawin’?”
“You.”
The answer was so flat, so blunt. It caused your cheeks to heat up when you realized that he was, in fact, drawing you. Miles had always been so good at drawing. It was one of his many talents. 
“You two make me sick.”
“You’re just jealous, Jun. It’s not our fault that your mystery girl doesn’t know you exist.”
Juno lets out a dramatic cry and puts her head down when you mention the girl she had a crush on since 8th grade. It was a little cute that she’s liked her for so long. Yet, she has never even attempted to make a move on her.
“I just wish Leni would notice me.”
“Just talk to her, it ain’t that hard.” That earned Miles a glare despite the fact that he didn’t even really see it. Not like he really cared. He was just speaking the truth.
“Not everyone is brave enough for that, Miles.”
“Jus’ quit being a fuckin’ pussy and talk to her.”
Juno glared at him more and started to stand up. You shake your head quickly to get her to sit down. You already knew where this was headed and you really didn’t want the two of them to get into a huge argument. Not again. Not this school year.
Juno lets out a noise of frustration before she sits back down, her hand gripping the fork in her hands tightly. 
“At least, I didn’t cheat on my girlfriend.”
That seemed to gain his attention. Miles looked up from his sketchbook and quickly put his pencil down, looking at her with a look that could only be described as anger.
“Where the hell did you hear that from?”
“Miles..”
“Callarse la boca”
You look offended by his words but you don’t have time to dwell on it before Miles speaks again, his voice clear with annoyance.
“Where did you hear that from, Juno? Huh?!”
“Dorothea told me.”
Miles takes a deep breath at that, his nostrils flaring slightly as he lets out a deep and heavy exhale. He was screwed because now you knew about it. And he knew how you were going to act now that you knew. 
“Why are you gettin’ so upset, babe? It’s not like it’s true, right?”
Miles looks over at you and sighs, his shoulders tensing up as he clears his throat awkwardly. Guess it was time to be honest now. 
“Mi vida, listen... it-”
You blink and stare at you, anger slowly starting to fill up your body. You don’t even let him get another word out before you raise your hand and slap him. The feeling caused his face to sting, his face turned to the side from the impact. He lets out a slow breath and nods to himself; he knew he deserved it. 
“Fuck you, Morales.”
And with those harsh words spat, you get up and walk away from him. Juno and Miles both watch as you leave before Juno looks over at him, shaking her head and letting out a sigh.
“You fucked up man.”
“No, really? Thanks for the news flash, sherlock.”
“Don’t get smart with me, boy.”
Miles glares at the girl as she gets up and goes after you. God, he was so fucking stupid!
It’s been a week since you last spoke to Miles. You have been avoiding him at school and even went as far as changing seats in the classes you shared with him. You did everything in your power to try and be as far away from him as possible. Miles didn’t seem to let that affect him.
Even if you were far away from him, he would still do his very hardest to talk to you. To explain what happened between him and Venus over the summer. But of course, you didn’t listen. Couldn’t listen to a word he said. It would be nothing but a lie.
Juno was right; men ain’t shit.
It was almost sickening to think that your once loyal and sweet boyfriend would turn out to be a dirty, rotten cheater! And to think it only took one summer for him to change. That was so fucked up man. You hated how easily you had allowed yourself to be betrayed. 
How could someone be so sweet one minute then betray you the first chance they got? It really made no sense to you. 
A knock on your bedroom door was enough to pull yourself from your thoughts. Your head snapped up just as the door opened to reveal Juno, a sheepish smile on her face as she practically jumped on you.
“What are you doin’ here, Jun?”
“I was summoned by your father.”
You let out a snort and roll your eyes, moving over slightly to give her more room to sit on the bed. It was sweet how she wanted to comfort you but you already knew it wasn’t going to work. You were too hurt to ever feel better after just a few visits but you appreciate the effort.
“Should I beat his ass?”
“No.. it’s fine, Jun. I don’t really care, ya know? I already got over it!”
“Mhm. and is that why you’re still avoiding him?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
Juno lets out a chuckle and moves closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder gently and pulling you closer for a side hug. It was the best thing she could think of doing right now. 
“Ya know.. He’s stupid for doing that to you. He don’t know what he’s missing.”
And that did it. Before you knew it, you had burst out into tears. Juno rubbed the side of your arm gently and allowed you to cry on her shoulder, soaking her shirt with your tears. She knew you probably needed this right now.
“I fuckin’ hate him, Jun.”
“I know, Y/N.”
“I wish I never met him!”
“I know, Y/N”
The two of you stay like that for an hour. Maybe longer. Who knew? It didn’t matter anyway. Juno was too busy trying to comfort you while you bawled your eyes out. It hurt so fucking much. 
All the trust that you had put into Miles was now gone. 
And it was all his fault. 
Seeing him everyday at school hurt worse than any pain imaginable. But at least you had Juno by your side, you knew she would never hurt you. She was your best friend. She was different than him.
You wish you had never fallen in love with Miles Morales.
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the---hermit · 10 months ago
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09|05|2024
The sun seems to be back after a night of thunders and lightnings. I hope it will hold up for the rest of the week because I desperately need to get started on my vegetable garden. The patch of garden is all ready all I have to do is to set up the supports for the tomatoes, and then get and plant everything. Ideally it will be the task of the weekend, and I cannot wait to get it done so that then I can start to figure out a new routine to take care of the garden while I also do everything else I have to do. I should also tend to my herb garden, but with all the rainy days we've had I haven't really had a chance to do it yet. I might go check in on all my plants in the weekend as well. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed this week, I have very little energy and so much to do, and especially my social battery is out. I will spend most of the day out tomorrow and I really hope I can hold up to that. I don't even want to think about next week, the idea of having to commute again and probably meet people feels even more overwhelming. As usual I try to focus on one day at the time, but sometimes it's not easy. Today I had a couple of emails to send to professors, who will hopefully answer sooner rather than later. My work on the English lit paper slowly continues, and I honestly can't wait to get to the writing of it. I still need to read and annotate quite a few sources, but I aim to finish it by the end of next week.
today's productivity:
read first thing in the morning
emailed profs to get informations
continued reading and annotating articles for my English lit paper
general overview of the next month-ish and general study plan for the upcoming weeks
started to do what I have to in order to get my graduation diploma
📖: A Psalm For The Wild Built by Becky Chambers
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omar-bb · 10 months ago
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notes & quotes from omar's live today
he wanted to release Red Light sooner but he and his team wanted to get it right
he's excited to headline at Gröna Lund - gonna be playing a new song there and at his other shows this summer!
"one of my favorite songs. i'm telling you, you will fucking choke when you hear that one. it's dark, it's dirty, it's groovy..."
"should I leak some of it? it would be fun for you to be able to sing along..."
"i hope it's fine by my team that I just leaked that"
"maybe it'll be the next single after Red Light. only maybe. I'm not promising anything"
someone asked about an Asia tour - "I cannot be live bc I'm gonna leak a lot of shit. But you wanna know something funny? This song .... it is actually a k-pop pitch song from start. it was made with k-pop in mind. it is not fully k-pop and now that i've been doing my touch on it, it is a little less k-pop but.. they actually wrote the song k-pop in mind."
teased doing a tour in the future
another "leak" - "I was actually meant to go to korea like right now or a month ago, like after the oscars ... i was supposed to go to korea. but it never happened. i was very sad. but maybe one day.
he had a scared moment where music started playing in the other room and he thought it was an unreleased song but it was just his alejandro tiktok lol
inspo for red light? "I didn't write the song ... it was a demo that got sent to me. at first ... it was a girl singing red light, and when i heard it the first time i was like yo this sounds like fucking rihanna ... i was like is this a long lost rihanna song? this is the greatest thing i've ever heard. and then i just fucking took it. i was like this is my song before rihanna takes it from me. and now it's my song."
Red Light music video when? "we shot a visualizer, so it's not a music video ... it's very beautiful. very stunning. i've never done anything like that. ... it's not a real music video. it's more visuals for the song."
will be doing red light on 25 may and also a new song
"you'll hear a whole new omar when you hear that song"
he has been replying to messages in his community on whatsapp and sms. they'll be leaking more stuff through there
new OMR Beauty product when? "....................... stay tuned"
"you will die when you see the next launch of OMR Beauty. that's all I'm saying. Next!!!"
will he start a fashion brand? "i don't really have the time for that unfortunately. ... not for now"
thinks he is not gonna bleach his hair
Someone asked red light spanish version when? and he sang a bit of it in spanish
omar backflip when? "when i'm in heaven"
is he going to act again?"i'm actually reading some scripts right now. just reading, it's not anything happening really yet, just testing the waters. we'll see, i would love to act. i actually miss acting, it was a fun time ... nothing will ever be like YR obviously, but just the thought of meeting new ppl, new friends, being together for a few weeks or a few months, and filming smth very special, that would be so much fun. ... i'm actually reading a really cool script right now" but more focusing on music right now
he has 40-50 new songs from the last year apparently??? Maybe i misunderstood this
album when? "don't know, we'll see" - he has a lot of songs and could drop an album but he wants it to be perfect so it'll be awhile
there will be red light merch this summer
he and edvin hang out sometimes
not doing Rix FM this year
there will not be 12 red light remixes lol "but maybe a few"
Eurovision 2025? "absolutely not. sorry not sorry." something about always being thrown out of the competition
he's stopped drinking coffee regularly and drinks matcha instead
someone suggested hoemars as the fandom name and he laughed lol
a lot is happening in May he says !! "y'all better eat good, sleep well" lolol
he said he might do another live next week once Red Light is out
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