#i was gonna work on it a lot today but all i got done was all the skin and blocking out hair and clothing
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Franco Colapinto Birth Chart Analysis
Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact.
Hand to a god I don’t even believe in, I had a visceral reaction to his chart when I first looked at it, because what is even happening. How are we all over the place? How does it make complete sense? It’s got so much going on, that it somehow just makes perfect sense, and I kind of love Franco for that even more. The Gemini Sun and Sagittarius rising is absolutely insane to me, but again, with everything that we have seen from Franco, it makes total sense.
I love his big three, because the vibes are genuinely all over the place but it’s somehow absolutely perfect. Honestly his chart has just made me love him even more, I want to protect him with my life.
THE PLANETS:
Sun - Gemini
You know those memes where it’s like, “me picking what personality to show my boyfriend today”, that’s literally Franco. Depending on who he is around, how comfortable he feels, and the vibes, he could be a totally different person than what is typically seen. He definitely does not like silence, and even if he is responsive to the vibes of others, he absolutely is not gonna sit in silence. He’s gonna fill that silence, and dammit he’s gonna make friends and he’s gonna force you into conversation.
Moon - Taurus
Honestly, thank god he has a Taurus Moon. I think any other moon sign would just make everything so much crazier. I think he needs the stability that comes with a Taurus Moon. There is so much determination to this placement, and honestly I think he needs that because it really just amplifies it through the rest of his chart. He’s going to set his mind to something, and it’s going to get done. He’s also going to be incredibly dedicated to those he lets into his inner circle
Rising - Sagittarius
This is SO funny to me, because of course this man is a Sagittarius rising. Franco is all about retaining his personal freedom, feeling independent, and keeping busy. Down time does not exist, and I think that goes into the impatience, and insecurity that can sometimes be found with this rising. He absolutely wants to be involved with others, and make connections, but we see that hesitance in terms of letting people in.
Mercury (Planet of intelligence) - Taurus
I love this because honestly it does not match the energy, and that’s the best part for me. Cause what do you mean this man wants to make sure he is completely prepared before making some wild ass decision? With the impulsivity through his chart it’s even better, because what? I know Ferrari has joked about having plans A-Z, but I feel like Franco actually has planned out every single option to his impulsive decisions. There is a lot of stability in this placement, so I think that a retrograde really won’t cause much problem.
Venus (Planet of love and pleasure) - Taurus
I know this man is over the top with romance. I’m talking breakfast in bed, you’ll never have to open another door in your life, and he’s gonna spoil the shit out you with random gifts. I definitely don’t think there is much logic used when it comes to romance or love, it’s all based off feelings. If you match his freak, he’ll match yours. Franco is likely closed off at the start, but when there is comfort and trust established it’s one of the best friendships you can have.
Mars (Planet of physical energy) - Aquarius
Not my favorite placement, but also not the worst. While there is definitely a physicality to this placement, I think we see it come through mentally more than anything else. A bit of a commitment issue placement if I’m being honest, but it’s not throwing major flags for me. I think that Franco is impulsive, but he’s able to work out the consequences before making that impulsive move, like yeah he’s gonna do some wild shit but he has an idea of the consequences.
Jupiter (Planet of luck, optimism, and success) - Leo
Franco was made for the spotlight, and I love that Formula 1 has provided this to him. Nothing is ever really good enough for someone when they have this placement, whenever one goal is met they immediately set a new, higher goal. They’ve got something they are working for at all times, and they’ll do whatever it takes to meet those goals. I think that we can see a lot of this in Franco, he’s setting incredible goals for himself and putting in some crazy work to meet those goals and make his dreams a reality.
Saturn (Planet of responsibility) - Gemini
…I know y’all are going flame me for this, but I just really love Saturn and I really love this placement because it’s honestly a little brutal. There is a lot of natural intelligence within this placement, but there is also cynicism, and it’s easy to sometimes come off as cold when it comes to different viewpoints when it comes to matters of the mind. I do think that there is a lot of internal pressure that comes with this placement though, there can be a lot of isolation and struggles when it comes to educational pursuits because it’s easy to get caught up in your own pressures. I do think that his Saturn returns are going to be interesting, mainly because there is so much pressure that comes with this placement, I imagine that there is going to be a lot of figuring out what his priorities are, and working out how to stay true to himself and those around him while also figuring out his priorities.
Uranus (Planet of change and originality) - Pisces
This one is funny to me because usually, it’s a push-over placement like it’s easy to kind of get them to do whatever you want. I think that there is a huge emphasis on emotion here, Franco has this ability to understand and almost feel exactly what others are feeling, while remaining true to himself and original in his own thought process. I imagine that there is a lot of learned behaviors, adapting the best parts of others and almost mastering them in his own sense.
Neptune (Planet of mystery and illusion) - Aquarius
I actually really love this placement because there is so much goodwill that comes with it. There is huge value in others and ensuring that you aren’t just living for yourself. I don’t see much mystery here, I think it’s more of the illusion through this placement. Franco portrays himself in a very specific way that does not provide much mystery or illusion, but I think that this is intentional because he wants the public to see him in a specific way.
Pluto (Planet of death and rebirth) - Sagittarius
Franco is 100% the type to show up to a girls' brunch with the best fucking tea possible, because this man is all about the truth, getting to the bottom of it, and wanting to know the full story. There is a value in honesty, wanting to find value in interactions, and getting to the bottom of things. When it comes to the idea that Pluto is this planet that symbolizes these big things like death and rebirth, I think it’s important to remember that we as people can go through phases, so maybe it is the death of one chapter of our lives, and we are moving onto a new chapter. We will see Franco go through these phases, where one chapter closes and another begins. Since Pluto travels through Sagittarius relatively shortly, we will see the noticeable movement in life chapters in short burst.
THE HOUSES:
First house (house of self) - Pluto
I personally don’t love when Pluto shows up in the earlier houses, because it’s one of those intense and questionable placements. Anyways, when we see Pluto in the first it’s indicative of this incredibly magnetic personality, where charisma and charm just shines through. There is also this intense dedication to reaching goals that can lead to isolation.
Third house (house of communication) - Neptune and Mars
I love this, because Mars and Neptune are so perfect when paired together here. Mars brings in a dominate kind of attitude, where he’s going to be overly communicative, and work to make sure his point of view is understood. Neptune tones it down some where we see this almost intuitive sense in what people need and what the preferred communication style is.
Fourth house (house of home) - Uranus
I’m losing my mind at this placement, because yeah this checks out. Franco values his independence, and desires to feel a level of freedom in everything he does. I definitely this that it’s a bit disruptive, but honestly it’s a good break from everything else. His stability needs this little bit of a shake up.
Sixth house (house of service and health) - Moon, Mercury, and Venus
We hate the Moon in the sixth house, because it’s not always indicative of a happy career. It can sometimes mean that you aren’t servicing yourself, and only others are being serviced by the work you do. Mercury is definitely not the best here, because there is a tendency to overwork and not get what is needed in return. The good thing about mercury here though is that there is an emphasis and importance on physical health and diet. Venus just solidifies the importance of a career, but it can become easy to blur the lines between work and personal relationships.
Seventh house (house of partnership and marriage) - Sun and Saturn
I love the Sun in the seventh because it holds such good news for marriage in the future. Franco is going to be a dedicated partner, someone who values the opinion of his chosen partner. With the intensity in his chart, I feel like he can get overwhelming when it comes to relationships though. Saturn soldifies it for me that he has a lot of hesitancy in fully developing a level of trust and commitment, but when the commitment is made, its life long.
Ninth house (house of mental exploration) - Jupiter
I love this, because Franco wants to learn, he wants to build on his knowledge and be the best he possibly can. We see a lot of communication in this placement too, because there is a desire to know as much as possible about the different communication styles, and the quirks with languages.
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YEONJUN: “I’ll just keep trying till I make it”
TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY comeback interview
2024.11.15
Let’s hear from the idol who has “nothing to fear” and who’s only grown stronger as he “hit it over and over down down down”: YEONJUN.
What’s it like getting ready to promote with the group again after doing promotions solo for your mixtape? YEONJUN: It put me at ease, honestly. (laughs) When I was working on “GGUM,” I was like, “Gahh!” having to take part in everything on my own, but when it’s with the group, I’m with them. But then it made me wonder if I wasn’t doing as much as I did for “GGUM.” Whenever I felt that way, I tried not to fall short. I kept reminding myself to work just as hard because our group album is more important—so I wouldn’t lose that.
I heard you were focused on your diction and the rhymes while working on “GGUM.” What were you mainly focused on for the new album? YEONJUN: My tone. Like having an overall light and airy voice, maybe? For “Heaven” and “Resist (Not Gonna Run Away),” I tried to make my voice dense and strong, and on “Higher Than Heaven,” for the line, “I’ll take you,” I imagined being able to hear the excitement in my voice and then sang it that way. I have a feeling MOA will really love this album, so I’m really excited. It has a completely different vibe from “GGUM”.
You also contributed lyrics for both “Heaven” and “Danger.” YEONJUN: Right after finishing the lyrics for “GGUM” and going, “Done! Sent it in today!” I jumped straight into “Heaven.” I wrote a lot of lines in the chorus, like, “heaven isn’t far, it’s now,” “the instant our lips touch,” “as long as you’re there, it’s heaven,” but it was really hard. “GGUM” is all about my own view, you know? So writing lyrics for the album was way harder than for “GGUM”. (laughs)
The lyrics to “Touch” (ft. YEONJUN of TOMORROW X TOGETHER) are interesting too. I felt like they really showcased the real you, like how you love food and watch lots of movies—a kind of condensed summary of what you’ve always said about yourself. (laughs) YEONJUN: Exactly. (laughs) And I used the word “ghosting” because we have a song called that. There’s also “YJ” from “GGUM,” which is there in the intro to the “Touch” remix, too. Our producer Slow Rabbit was the one who came up with the idea to put “YJ” in, and he got all excited and was like, “Let’s put ‘YJ’ in again!” (laughs) I liked that. When I heard it, it felt like it’s my signature now. And you know how we sing together from the pre-chorus all the way to the last chorus? That wasn’t actually part of the plan—it got added in after recording. Just a little behind-the-scenes tidbit for you there. (laughs)
That makes me think of how you said you wanted to show more of yourself as an artist, starting with “GGUM.” What does that side of you look like exactly? YEONJUN: I’d say someone who sets trends. I see myself as someone who can make anything work. When it comes to music, at least, I want to try out a ton of different things, and sometimes I want to convince MOA of that by trying new things like that. I think, like, How will it help my music if I don’t explore musically or take any risks?
I see you’re aiming even higher when it comes to music. YEONJUN: I’m always thinking about how important it is to make sure the music tells our story, whether it’s with the group or on my own. I’m the kind of person who wants to be recognized for my continued work in the field and I’m really driven to do a good job. My mindset has always been, no matter what I’m doing, I’ll just keep trying till I make it. And I think that’s really important. Putting my story into the music is always going to be a tough task, but it’s a good challenge. I want to keep dreaming big.
Is that why you wrote on Weverse that you’re happy with your work–life balance? (laughs) You’ve been really busy this year with all the touring, your first solo mixtape—GGUM—and working on a new mini album. YEONJUN: I was overflowing with excitement every single day I was working on GGUM. I actually get anxious when I have some downtime. I was working on the mixtape, getting ready to promote with the group, and featuring on “Touch.” Crushing it all made me feel like I’m at peak life and productivity. I was secretly proud of myself—like, I’m straight fire! (laughs)
And even with all that going on, you streamed an Essence of Dance🦊 on Weverse LIVE. That isn’t exactly the easiest kind of stream, either, given you have to have everything memorized and dance on the spot. YEONJUN: Right. (laughs) But MOA’s always waiting. I already said I’d do it, but it kept getting pushed back because I had other obligations, and even still, MOA was so understanding, and it just made me feel even sorrier. So I ended up squeezing it in after deciding I should do it before “GGUM” came out, even if it was short. I usually keep at it until I’m happy with it, but I was so physically drained that day, unfortunately. (laughs)
You must have felt really proud when “GGUM” finally came out after all you went through. YEONJUN: I knew it was the one the second I heard it. It’s hip hop but has a pop feel, and it’s sexy and mysterious at the same time. It feels really multilayered. It made me happy to see people all over social media covering my song and the dance moves. Even my friends used the gamja-ggang joke on me, and they’re never like that. (laughs) I thought, Whoa, they know my song? Every single reaction was great. And hearing MOA chant my name that loud and clear—like, “Choi Yeonjun! Choi Yeonjun!”—was amazing. Now I have even more things I want to say through my music and more musical styles I want to try, and I love my work even more now. I’d say it’s a combination of, “it was really fun,” and, “it’s exhilarating,” but at the same time, “I’m not fully satisfied yet,” maybe? (laughs)
Why aren’t you fully satisfied? YEONJUN: I tried a lot of new things with the group and with “GGUM,” obviously, but I think there’s still more I haven’t tried yet. I’m a big rock fan, for example. I’ve done a lot of pure, emotional rock with TOMORROW X TOGETHER, but if the chance comes up, I want to try some really hard rock, like, “Let’s tear it up!” When I was working on “GGUM”, I started thinking about trying an R&B ballad, too. There’s different subgenres even within hip hop and R&B, and I want to try the ones I’ve never done before. I really just want to try a wide variety of things.
In the ‘YEONJUN’s Mixtape: GGUM’ MAKING FILM making-of trilogy, you were open about the struggles you experience as an artist. Even though you always work in front of the camera, wasn’t it still a lot of pressure to document the whole process? YEONJUN: I actually feel that I need that pressure to give me that extra push. In my everyday life, I try to keep things chill—put on some chill music, watch movies, eat—but when I’m working, pressure motivates me. (laughs)
Is that what let you send in your rough lyrics for the first verse of “GGUM” without any hesitation? You didn’t seem worried about getting feedback. YEONJUN: I used to feel a lot of pressure, but I think my personality has changed a lot. It’s inevitable that the lyrics will be rejected more often than approved when I send them over, to be honest, so it’s better to just send them right over and get the feedback back quickly to get rewriting. That’s why I don’t feel pressure about feedback anymore. I don’t find the whole, “No good? Okay, I’ll give it another shot,” thing hard anymore. (laughs) If it were before, and things didn’t go my way or something stressful came up, I’d be distracted by thoughts all day, but now I just take a deep breath and say, “It is what it is.” Kinda like TAEHYUN? (laughs) That’s exactly what TAEHYUN says.
Your MBTI changed too, didn’t it? YEONJUN: Yes, it did. Actually, it’s always been the case that, whenever I do an MBTI test, sometimes I get a type N and sometimes a type S. But then I kept getting ENFP for the longest time and that didn’t sit right with me somehow. I always thought I was sort of imaginative, so it made me think I was still a type N! (laughs) But when I took the test again recently and still got a type S, I was like, I guess I just changed. Now I can acknowledge that I changed, and that’s kind of a weight off. (laughs)
You said you used to be the kind of person who couldn’t show anything that wasn’t fully polished. I guess that’s also changed, seeing as you made the process behind your mixtape public. YEONJUN: Hmm … True. The promotional period’s all wrapped up now, and I wanted to show people how I might’ve been lacking at first but that I’ve slowly grown since then. MOA usually only ever sees our highlights, really. I wanted to give as much of a glimpse as possible into my work behind the scenes, like pitching ideas for concepts and finalizing the choreography with everyone. I also wanted to show how it wasn’t just me but all the staff putting in so much effort and how we all worked together to make the most amazing thing we could. I feel like the staff cooks the whole meal perfectly and I’m just there to set the table. I think it’s our responsibility to tell people about how much hard work the staff puts in and make sure they get the credit they deserve.
You also mentioned in another interview with Weverse Magazine last year that you never want to forget that you can’t take anything for granted. YEONJUN: That’s a mindset I plan to cling to until the day I die.
Is there a reason why it’s so important to you to stay humble? YEONJUN: Is that being humble? It seems obvious to me that you can’t take anything for granted. I really stress that a lot when I talk with the other members: We should never take this lifestyle for granted. We also have to be thankful. We get way more than we deserve.
Then I guess that’s why, in the MAKING FILM, you said, “They were like, ‘There’s gonna be a lot of pressure and you’re gonna be really busy.’ As soon as I heard that, my heart started pounding.” YEONJUN: Oh man. I guess I’m just destined to be an idol. (laughs) I used to think I had a really weak mindset—like, bad—but now I think it’s good? (laughs) Everyone goes through rough patches. Me, I’ve practically collapsed while promoting and felt frustrated before. Endless torment and pressure have crushed me many times. That’s the reason I thought I just had too weak of a mindset to be an idol, but after I “hit it over and over, down down down,” I toughened up, you know? (laughs)
Before shooting the music video for “GGUM,” you recorded yourself, pretending the camera’s MOA and getting some things off your mind, expressing how you were feeling anxious and afraid. Talking it through on Weverse could’ve been an option, but you seem more like the kind of person who likes to deal with things yourself. YEONJUN: Yes, that’s true. I used to be the kind of person who would turn to others immediately, but I worry I’ll become overly dependent on them. I thought that constantly talking about having a hard time was making me weaker. I was also worried that the other members or my family especially would feel concerned or that I’d be placing a burden on them if I opened up to them, so I started to bite my tongue. I think I should just know how to deal with problems myself. Sometimes I think I’m no good or hate myself, but I try to love myself. I mean, I have to.
But in “GGUM”, you sing that you’re “not alone, got ma team by my side.” The whole group was there to support you at the music video shoot, in the practice studio, and at the pre-recording. YEONJUN: I really felt those lyrics. I realized I’m really not alone—that I really do have my team at my side and a whole army to back me up that I can rely on. That was my first time shooting alone for that long and it made me feel a little lonely. I could really feel the group’s absence, but I was so grateful to them and so touched that they kept coming by periodically to boost my spirits, even though they were all busy with their own things. And Huening coming by himself, just grabbing a taxi and coming by with dakgangjeong, was so sweet of him. It was so thoughtful. I really appreciated it.
Just like you said in the MAKING FILM : The group comes first. YEONJUN: The group always comes first, no question. The group comes first in everything.
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GRAGEUCWJVDJVIQ
#this is the longest any art has taken me in about a year#i’ve been working on this for three days because i have no motivation to do anything😭#lazy weekend#i was gonna work on it a lot today but all i got done was all the skin and blocking out hair and clothing#but oh well#lotf#lotf fanart#lord of the flies fanart#lord of the flies#littluns lotf#thrush rambles#thrush talks#thrush draws#my wips#art wip#current wip
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art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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my new fursona btw. i actually picked a drsign finally. do you love him
#im actually drawing soemthing again finally guyyysssss. you see the wip -> on the right#IGNORE THE TABBY IMAGES LAWLLLLL i cba to redraw so i just recoloured the old design i made a little while agao#i hope wveryone is doing well …….. i havent but its ok im like cured again rn#ITS OK i got more meds today and i start therapy properly on mondayyyyyyy ^_^#i miss you guyssss i miss u all. butttttttt i cant come back seriously like properly#guys i have so many exams coming up -_- BOREDDDDDD. BORED but its ok in like 3 weeks i will b done and then i can draw and game forever#oops i cant switch tags arounf on here but forgot to saw#i realised i just super love b&w animals soooo i did it for my fursoba. and it fits my well. dichotomy theme i have in my head#ong tho awesome news. the place im gonna b working next yr knows im trans cus i emailed abt my name chanfe in the system#andddd they r super cool abt it like they emailed my lecturer to dbl cgeck my name and probouns#guys this might be like the first time in my entired life i get called the right name AND pronouns. how epic#btw i ammmm kinda going back to it/he/they LAWL#cba to change my bio rn but know this. not thet it matteres#ive been watching lots of twitch streams recently and especially vinnyyyyyyy vinnayyy vinesus. vinny my dearly beloved#im so happy he streamed early today so i actually got to watch a whole stream LIVEEEE. notmally he streams in the middke if the night for m#gifgling kicking my feet. bijnnjeeyyyyyyyyyy#okat BYEEEEE. BYE#i will post the finishes wip when i get round to ittttt 💖💖💖💖💖 bye#I LITERALLY FORGOT HOW TO DRAW GUYS ITS SO SAD. ok nightttttr
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feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao
i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]
#things that arent worth having their own post bc it's boring normal life stuff#I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!! i've only worked one day but i had a lot of fun#and i like my coworkers. im scared of tomorrow tho bc my manager who has been guiding me around isnt gonna be there#so second day in and im already on my own DFGHKJG it'll be fine.........#also I GOT MY DESK ORDERED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO. SOON I WILL BE BACK ON THE GRIND I WANNA PLAY SKYBLOCK SO BAD#i've only been able to play on weekends or at ark's ;-; pain and suffering i need somewhere to sit#also fun fact. remember how the house was full of mold. well there was ALSO a gas leak for the past couple weeks#my existence is a miracle#im blaming all past behaviors on this. im normal now dont worry 👍👍👍#i think i already mentioned this but my snes power cable is missing and i need a new one Pain And Suffering#on the brighter side of my old games. i found by gbc! AND THE BATTERIES STILL WORK SOMEHOW LMAO#i can finally do a miserable gen 2 shiny hunt yippeeeeee#trying to find my gameboy copy of tetris attack but i dont see it anywhere 😔#uhhhh yeah that's about it i guess. been busy with sorting out work stuff and money problems and Everything Else#currently taking care of health stuff i havent done in years. time for dentist today wahoo#gonna try to get an eye exam soon. it's been like. a decade-#im not sure my vision is still 20/20 im having trouble reading some things digitally#billboards are fine. electronic ones are not those are just smudges#i dont know enough about eyes to know what that could be#chat
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Every day I tell myself "all I have to do is make it through today" and I'm realizing that I don't know how I feel about the fact that I feel like I have to tell myself that every single day.
#a lot of times it's because I hate my job and I'm miserable#I literally cried in the car on the way home today because I got so stressed during my shift#never work at a movie theater kids it's awful#I wish I didn't#I wish I could have a real job because I fucking went to college I got my fucking dgree#and yet this was the best I could do because I've never had a job in my life so no one would give me the time of day#I feel humiliated every single day I walk into the building#I feel like such a failure and an embarrassment#and that's not to say everyone who works at the theatre ahould feel that way that's now what I'm saying#but that's how I personally feel about myself and the situation that I am in#and we're entering the busiest week of the year so it sucks even more than usual#but also I'm just so tired from this year it's been a really bad one for me and my family#just abysmal in every way#so I have to remind myself I have to make it through the day every day right now#but you know what it's fine I have a chapter done and ready to go on Christmas and it's been almlst 4 years in the making#so in that case I have a present for some of you and I'm really excited about it#it's gonna be a sad Christmas for us because everyone in my family is broke but I hope you guys all have a better holiday than I will#and as someone who adores Christmas like it's my favorite day of the year type adore I'm just really down in the dumps right now#just feeling very sad#but anyway sorry rant over I have to go to bed#I don't get saturday's off and those are my lingest shifts so 🙃#I get christmas eve and christmas ofd tough 😊#but not the day after 🙃#anyway bedtime for me sorry to rant guys#abby's self deprecation hour#abby after dark
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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How the fuck did I spend THREE HOURS in the craft store?? And we went to one literally two days ago too??? I was supposed to just grab two things and LOOK at stuff for craft shows (got a LOT) like 😳
#marquilla#i didn't even realize til i texted mom i was leaving and saw it had been 3 hours like shdhdhdg girl help#i got a lot of stuff for bean agdgdgd yknow for not being 'real' he sure is a spoiled little shit#i got him fake wheat to go with his hay bales. some pumpkins im gonna paint either for him or in general uhh idr what else but he ALMOST#got a fishing pole and/or a tackle box but they were $5 each and i was like... mar go home shdhdhdhhd#im blanking but i know i got him something else...#anyways egdgdgd i spent way too much 😭 but to be fair!!!! i could've done worse ☺️ bc i was looking at the fall decor that was on sale#and fabric but i was like hmmm not today#now im very tired and sore from all the bullshit at work this week#but i was able to take it easier today
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Its really astounding how touching grass (actually talking to ppl irl) really helps u lose the cynical brain a bit 😌
#when ur only source of socials for a few years was twitter and all u got from it was terrible anxiety LMAO#i met a lot of friends and ppl ive done work for today and it was v good for my brain#ppl are v nice its just socials make u think something bads gonna happen jafjfjjskf
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#periodical life updates#maybe when artfight is done i'll ask for avm art reqs; that seems fun. i wanna draw the colorful sticks#(<- has been mainly drawing the stickmin sticks for twitter)#wait i also mentioned i wanted to work on my selfship blog right? fck. and also my part for that map too.#jegus jace r.i.c.k.e.c. starlight youve got so many projects huh. well its good to write them down. ive got this thing i do where once i-#finish a big project i forget all other projects ive ever had. ''i was so caught up in the euphoria of not being busy with artfight anymore#''i forgot that my other projects existed!'' type beat. future jace check here when youre done artfight. you've also got a fic to write!!#and ecas to draw! you also wanted to do an oc sexyman tourney but you wanted to draw everyone portraits first so <3#stickmin comics (charles; randy; jegus we probably cant think of montana just yet) and also i still got the requests from there :'>#maybe a commission sheet. i might do kofi commissions they sound fun. real commissions stress me out hgkjh </3#infinite art project hell hfkjhf </3 didnt do much artfighting today due to dentist appointment. it was very unpleasant.#i need a lot of dental work done. i have to go back next week (RIGHT BEFORE SAHCON TOO LMAO) and i also gotta have my wisdom teeth removed#not then i think (hopefully i dont wanna be fcked up before sahcon :/) but eventually. ugh. mimserable.#my queue's running low again. im tired of filling it back up ough u-u#my new drawing tablet came in btw!! ive been drawing more comfortably again <3 gotta update my progress reports for artfight#ive been watching secret sleepover society though hjdfjkh they played a cute potion making game!! but i'll work on the spreadsheet now hdjk#okay done and posted! gonna take my dental meds and probably sleep or add more stuff to queue?#see ya! <33
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I don't think you can actually tell the difference between someone having a legimate issue or difficulty completing work vs someone 'just being lazy' that easily actually.
#Sorry sorry lots of talk about group work today and everyone's a fucking struggler who's basically doing it solo or whatever#And that topic of conversation has always made me feel Bad because I've always had trouble keeping up the pace at which most people work#It's part of the reason I tend to leave stuff so late because i get scared and then work all the time no breaks.#It always disclaim it's gonna take me about 5x longer to do work most people can probably complete in an hour#Because I get very stressed and I'm a perfectionist and my brain is weird and overthinks everything ever#I have not yet found any solution to this issue. I am convinced there isn't one except leaving it all to the last week and using the panic#To pull all nighters every other day. To get it done#But I can't fucking. Do that if out progress is logged on a repo... Thinking ahead to out next assignment#I've already had the hard talk with my friends about it and they where all very nice to me but I still feel bad a bit#And I'm glad they know it's not because I don't care I care so hard it fucks me up to the point where it gets really difficult asdfhdhd#But idk sometimes people will bring examples up of one of their teammates 'clearly just being lazy and not caring enough' and it's just#Something I can fall into doing as well. So like. I don't think it's that easy to tell actually#Like I get if it's a pattern then you kinda have to intervene because yknow it's a grade you need to get#I hope if I ever fall so bad I stop working that my friends would pop in to ask me if they could help. But people are very. Mean about it#Idk where I was going with this I just wish I was better than I am I guess. Aughhh#I should go to bed <<< feels bad as fuck because they got nothing done today#android.txt
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itis very funny i post so much abt myself but i dont actually post that much abt what goes on day to day . mainly bc there isnt much but like. u guys arent even aware of mine and lamps current music phase .. crazy
#well i thnnk ive mentioned it. were very jnto kpop atm weve been watching a lot of videos ive added like 30 new songs to my playlsit snd#theyre all kpop. its fun#we arent rly into any of the like . fandom part of it FNFNJF neither of us rly do fandom at all im reformed and lamp never rly has. but yes.#there r like 8 kpop songs on my on repeat atm which ik doesnt seem like a ton but its bc i tend to just listen to the same 3 songs on repeat#for days on end#currently villain by pixy is going platinum. and nobody knows by kiss of life is huge. and maria by hwasa and hip by mamamoo were big...#SOO yes. and theres many others...#we just watch those big comp videos and then grab whatever we like.and today we watched a lot of the dance practice videos bc theyre fun 2#watch#but ya. itis fun. its also fun bc like. obv since were watching like. fancomps we get to like peoplewatch kpoppies which is fun. except when#it isnt but then we just dont look at the comments#umm and today we played more stardeww we finally finished the first year in our save. i mentioned potato bix earlier its the deeply#controversial new farm layout#we only had 30 strawberry seeds from last year skullllll. so its very potato heavy hence the name#its like. i think. 2 6x13s + 2 21x3s. but the 21x3s have sprinklers#and then other assorted crops in the middle and then lamps got like a few up by their house but theyre all sprinkled#it does look like ass. and the profits Will not even be that good. BUT ! our fortunes will turn come blueberry day <- famous joke with me#and lamp. more common variation our fortunes will turn come cranberry day#i will say spring in sdv is like back to school like winter is for kicking it and playing around and then its spring and its like fuckk. we#have to do everything there is#but were almost done with all the bundles we have to get fuckass red cabbage so itll be fall b4 its done#weve got 2/3 apples just from the batcave so thats nice#and aside from that we need like 3 more gold parsnips and then a few animal goods. like i think we need 2 of 3. of large milk large goat#milk and duck egg. and we just got cows and a duck#nd thennnn well be getting the goat soon..#und then well prolly fully update the barn and coop#weve got most of our tools to gold except like. an ax and i think lamps pan needs another upgrade. weve even got the trashcans gold now#nd then eere gonna hold off on iridium bc 1 we dont have much 2 were sabing for sprinklers for when we get the greenhouse and 2 expensive.#itll have to wait for BLUEBERRY DAYYYY which willt ake a while#and then probably well just work on fully upgrading the house and all this.
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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#tag talk#I like my therapist a lot. had another appointment and she's way more thorough about the initial screenings and my last therapist wasn't.#anyway today was a questionnaire about trauma and so I sat on my bed huddled in blankets and she was like heyy you gonna be okay?#largely not okay because Easter was yesterday so you know.. religious christian holidays be that way.#but I didn't cry during the session at all and she was cool and said some good things that I have now forgotten of course.#still didn't tell her about boofing everclear and fucking up my gi tract for a week or so (idk how long it's been)#but she was like “you don't have to tell me. I already get that you do risky behavior” cause I told her about my grindr escapades already.#her earnestness does make me want to get better.#often when people are obnoxious about my issues I just double down as a “fuck you” to them. so I'm glad we've got a good rapport instead.#I didn't get a chance to talk about plurality but it's fine cause I don't think it's they big of a deal. just another coping skill I have.#she did specifically recognize and congratulate me on the fact that I've deliberately worked on coping skills which felt really good.#like. I used to not be able to fall asleep so I practiced it and now I can. I used to startle really easily but I practiced and now I don't.#I have done deliberate effort to overcome my issues and usurp!#*usually people don't notice because they just see the successful outcome.#so it's nice for someone to recognize the work I've put into overcoming my trauma responses even as a kid
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