#i was gonna work on it a lot today but all i got done was all the skin and blocking out hair and clothing
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
China blocked Tumblr because of pornography and censorship problems in 2013.
Text
watch it all go by
#undescribed#bonk.png#ggg#great god grove#ggg oc#great god grove oc#<- so excited to learn these tags exist btw i like being able to view others ocs easier#oc tag#YEAH so heres most of the bizzyboy home invasion skit for their psa for the fake level (theres more i just dont feel like drawing it rn v-v)#im gonna reblog with the sketchbook doodles i did to sort of map it out in a second but its oc time rn#cooked up how to rework them into the story while i was at work n also did initial designs for them there as well (will also refrog with it)#this is NOT all the ocs for the fake level theres four i still need to redesign n draw bc i want some cleaner art n easier way to fuck with#propositions for them lacey gets to be in the post tho bc i had a lot of fun doing her design n that spread in my sketchbook 👍#also timeline that sketchbook spread was done after i got home from work at like 3 am n then i did britney spears cobbi the next day#while all the digital art was done today#caption is again line from write me letters by hot freaks
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
circuit breaker 🔬🌌 (part four)
tutor!jayce talis x reader, ekko x reader college au
content: jayce ghosts you when you need him most...so you have no choice but to lean on your best friend, ekko
pining, mental health mentions, neurodivergence, lmk if i missed any!
notes: ekko pic...omg... (you may think this series is going slow but i hate a slow burn ass fic that has them fucking chapter three don't pmo...also this evolved way past just jayce and i need to do ekko justice...bc some of yall don't, clocked it)
word count: 2.9k
series masterlist
⭑·ﾟﾟ·*:༅。.。༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ ✿��:*ﾟ:༅。.。༅:*·ﾟﾟ·⭑
“Do you know that girl Jayce is always with?”
You arrived to class, ready to learn—but not about physics truthfully. You expected to cut corners, create friendly conversation about nothing, humor Viktor. When you got there, though, you had to ask him immediately.
“Mel Medara?” Viktor looked to you with intrigue. “I know of her…but not much about her.” He leaned to his left, toward you, “Why?”
“She’s just always…around? And we spoke to each other once but I was in a hurry…didn’t get much chance for a formal introduction.”
“Are you certain that your intrigue is rooted purely in your inquisitive nature…or is there another reason you want to share?”
“No-“
The sound of the door towards the front of the class opening interrupted you—it was perfect timing, actually. You would rather not have to unpack why Mel’s presence bothered you so much; truthfully it was an inexplicable feeling. Someone walked in, and you sat up straighter.
“Hi, everyone! My name is Caitlyn, some of you may know me if you’ve ever been to the student resource center.” She smiled at you, exchanging a look of recognition. “I wanted to formally introduce myself… I will be joining as a TA. If you need anything and can’t get ahold of the professor, you can ask me your course related questions.” She moved to plug a laptop into the projector, “Here is my email for future reference.” She allowed some time for people to copy and take photos of her email down. “Unfortunately, today’s class will be canceled for an emergency…but I was instructed to relay to you that the quiz will still be held next week. It’ll be on vectors and calculating their angles. Be sure to refresh yourselves over the weekend and reach out to me should you have any questions.” People started to shuffle around her, getting up to leave class. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, guys. Feel free to use the space to get some other work done, or leave early.”
“What the fuck, this was such a waste of my time.” You glanced back towards the board, making sure you got the email address right. “I have been so tired I could be sleeping right now.”
“I’m sorry, I know you have a lot to deal with right now.” Viktor moved to the end of the aisle, grabbing his cane while slinging his bag over one shoulder. “At least you’ve been in tutoring. The quiz this week should be easier, right?”
“That’s the thing,” you reached for your phone, “We’ve only just got to vectors so far. That was hard enough.” You hovered your finger over Jayce’s contact, never actually having messaged him. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you started texting him.
hi jayce
im sorry to bother you but i have my quiz next week and its gonna be on more stuff than we got to in our sessions
do you have any time to meet with me this weekend? if not thats ok, i can ask my friend
You paused, walking behind Viktor without looking up from the phone screen.
i just need you
No, you shook your head, continuing the text.
i just need your help
lmk
ty
You grimaced at the text bubbles, hating how you split all of that up. You imagined his annoyed face, seeing all of these desperate messages. You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t answer. You wouldn’t answer you.
Viktor turned to you, “Are you alright?”
“Yes, just frustrated and irritated and angry…thats all.”
“That’s not a great combination.”
You shook your head. Without trying, Viktor could always cheer you up. “Unrelated, but did Jayce ask you about what snacks I eat?”
“He did,” he looked over at you, “It was odd. He said something about ‘reinforcements’ for your guys’ tutoring session.”
“Oh...okay.”
Viktor would call himself a lot of things, including perceptive. He didn’t say much, but he noticed the way your eyes lingered on one another when you first met. He was aware of the way you spoke about each other, especially when it was just Viktor around. He simply arched a brow at you, observing your concerned look at the phone screen.
“Maybe you should take the weekend to rest and recuperate.”
“I would…but the quiz-“
“Just for today. Wait for Jayce to get back to you. Then you can focus solely on next week.” He nodded reassuringly.
He returned the nod, liking the sound of the plan.
If only Jayce had bothered to answer.
——————
“Hi.”
“Come on in.” Ekko stepped back, letting you into his dorm.
“I know it’s so last minute, but I know nothing about angles …figured you could help.”
“I absolutely can help and would love to.”
You sat your stuff down, getting comfortable as you’d done dozens of times before. You turned a corner, washing your hands at the sink before heading to grab a throw blanket from Ekko's bed.
He knew your habits, calling from the living room area. “I have the heated blanket out here, too, if you wanna use that one. Know you get cold.”
You exited his room, wearing the slippers you left under his bed. “Once again, you are the best…because I am, in fact, freezing my ass off right now.”
“Want something to drink?”
“Always.”
The two of you were so in sync—it had to be that way after Powder. It became worse when Vi blamed you, suspecting one of you said something to her to make her disappear. Even though you know you did nothing wrong, there was still a self-hate there. That you couldn’t be there for a friend who needed you—so much so that she left entirely. You couldn’t do that to Ekko, he felt the same.
“So,” you pulled out the folder Jayce had given you, a slight frown on your face at the thought of him completely ignoring you. “I have this paper, its like a cheat sheet for vectors…but besides what Jayce told me I don’t know what to do. The TA said we also have to calculate the angles…that makes no sense.”
Ekko grabbed his notebook, flipping to a blank sheet of paper. He sketched a makeshift drawing—surprisingly good for how quick he’d done it. You were always in awe of his artistic talent.
“Okay, so here…is a light pole.” He moved his finger to the other side of the paper, motioning toward a little drawing of you, smiling on the sidewalk. “This is you.”
“Wait I’m so adorable here!”
Ekko chuckled, side eyeing you a bit, “Yeah…”
You snatched the pencil—quickly drawing in a stick figure of him. “This is you!”
“Is it really? Couldn’t tell.”
“Hey-“ You swatted his arm, “You’re identical in my opinion.”
“If having lines for a body is identical…then sure. But anyways…not the point of my sketch.” He grabbed the pencil back, “Thank you very much.” He flipped the pencil, using the eraser side to show you the details. “Okay…light pole…you.” He smirked, knowing you wanted to interject. Ekko raised his hand before you could, “This is the distance between you and the pole.” He made up and wrote a random number in feet under the bottom, the same for the pole. “This is the height of the pole. This is all you need to find every angle and distance measurement.”
The look on your face was one of pure confusion. “How does that make any sense whatsoever, Ekko?” You moved to close the book. “Actually, lets just watch a movie instead. I’m prepared to fail at this point.”
Ekko grabbed the book from you, reopening it. “Well, I’m not, so let’s get to work.”
He continued, explaining as best he could. It was no use, though, it just wasn’t making sense to you. You nodded, trying to get him to move on to something else.
“Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” You reached to hug Ekko, “You’re the best.” Pulling back, you plastered on a smile, hiding the discomfort. You didn’t feel ready whatsoever. Suddenly, Ekko grabbed your hands, pulling your attention to him.
“You’re gonna do great.” He lingered on you for a while, “Promise.”
The doubt you felt made you want to hole up and skip class altogether. Eventually, it developed into a disdain for Jayce. When you thought about it, he was the reason you were going to fail…again.
——————
You decided against skipping class on Monday, but you were definitely opting out of that damn tutoring session. If Jayce can’t answer a simple few texts, how were you to know you even had a standing appointment anymore. It made you feel less than worthy of a proper notice. Above all, it just felt plain unprofessional…he’s an employee after all.
Walking into class and into this quiz felt like a walk to your execution. Midterms were quickly approaching, which meant you only had so many quizzes you could fail before the majority of your final grade was tainted by bad ones.
Viktor greeted you as normal, moving over to give you a seat. “Are you prepared?”
“As best as I can be.”
The beauty of college was that you did assessments in class and got the results as soon as you submitted. Knowing you would get your score back in the next few minutes had your stomach churning. An image of Jayce, carefree and nonchalant, popped into your head. Nothing was making sense. Reluctantly, you started choosing random answers—disregarding the calculator altogether. Before you knew it, your grade, a 56%, reflected back to you.
“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself. You closed your laptop, getting up to leave class early. “I’ll see you later, Viktor.”
Before he could reply, you were gone. Pushing through the door. You grabbed your phone from your pocket, texting Ekko.
im done early, wanna meet rn?
He replied a few seconds later.
omw
You picked up the pace, not out of urgency, but in pure frustration. Everything you’d been working towards wasn’t paying off. The time you spent not being with Ekko—with Jayce—was a waste.
When you arrived to the dining hall, Ekko wasn’t there yet. You took the time to grab both you and him something to eat for lunch. Within minutes, Ekko showed up, that warm smile on his face as usual. He leaned into you, giving you a side hug while simultaneously grabbing the food from you.
“How was the quiz?” You didnt reply, simply giving him a side eye. “Damn…I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault…but thanks for helping.”
He’d seamlessly changed the subject—allowing the two of you to talk without the reminder of your failure that day. You didn’t acknowledge how fast the time had passed and truthfully, didn’t care. You hadn’t planned to show up to tutoring…much less give Jayce any notice.
To your right, you suddenly heard a voice, interrupting you and Ekko.
“Hey.” You looked over, seeing Jayce standing there. “I figured you’d be here.” He looks between you and Ekko, hands now on his hips. “You missed our session.”
You raised a brow and crossed your arms over your chest. “Wow, really? Didn’t know we were still having those.”
“Of course we are, you have those quizzes-“
“Had.” You interrupted, “There was one today. You’d know if you checked your phone.”
He looked down, embarrassed at his phone sitting in his front pant pocket.
“I’m sorry- I know this is important for you but something came up.”
“What? What came up?” Ekko spoke up.
Jayce turned to look at him, finally acknowledging his presence again. “Something personal,” he looked away, focusing back on you. “Can we talk alone?”
Ekko spoke again, “Say what you need to say.”
“I would, but I’m not talking to you.”
A screech of Ekko’s chair resounded in the dining hall. You reached a hand out, gesturing toward them. “Ekko, please.”
Ekko looked over to you and inhaled a deep breath. He was looking at Jayce again, but kept talking to you. “I’ll see you later, okay? Call if you need anything.”
“Wait- Ekko-”
Jayce gulped, sitting down across from you. You watched Ekko leave as Jayce took his seat, hands resting on the table.
“What the hell is your problem? You ghost me then show up here with an attitude? I should be pissed…I am pissed! I failed because of you!”
He nodded, knowing the weight of his being inaccessible. “I’m sorry.”
“You said that.”
“There was a personal thing, a family emergency-“
“And yet, your phone is still in working condition.”
You didn’t want to be insensitive, but it takes seconds to reply. A simple message would’ve sufficed.
“My mom’s sick.” You froze—remembering that it’s just him and his mom. “She was in the hospital all weekend…it still hasn’t gotten better.” He paused, looking at you now, “I thought I owed you to at least show up today.”
“Well…now I feel like shit.”
“Don’t. Not your fault I didn’t tell you what was happening.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Hope she gets better?”
You reached over, placing a comforting hand on his, “I can do that.”
He let you linger there, before pulling back. “How about this week, since I messed up so bad with scheduling…we meet as much as you’d like just so you can be ready. Shit, it can be every day if you want.” He nodded, “We’re gonna make sure you pass this class if it’s the last thing I do.”
“Are you sure? I can be pretty high maintenance…”
He leaned back in his chair, a nonchalant yet playful look on his face, “Not worried about it.”
“Okay.” You shrugged, “If you say so.”
The pair of you exchanged smiles, not at all prepared for how tumultuous this week would be.
taglist
@juskonutoh @sseleniaa @aerina127 @sleepysoldier @angelicmisty @1800latenitecreep @venus-in-roses
#jaggedamethyst#jayce talis#arcane jayce#jayce talis x reader#jayce talis x you#arcane x reader#arcane#jayce x reader#jayce league of legends#jayce talis x y/n#jayce talis arcane#jayce x you#ekko arcane#ekko x reader#ekko league of legends#ekko
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
GRAGEUCWJVDJVIQ
#this is the longest any art has taken me in about a year#i’ve been working on this for three days because i have no motivation to do anything😭#lazy weekend#i was gonna work on it a lot today but all i got done was all the skin and blocking out hair and clothing#but oh well#lotf#lotf fanart#lord of the flies fanart#lord of the flies#littluns lotf#thrush rambles#thrush talks#thrush draws#my wips#art wip#current wip
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sam's blueberry pie 🫐🥧 Which he's, as per the running joke on this blog, just as normal as U◠꓃ ◕ U
#been trying to paint on this new tablet my brother got me and my heart immediately gravitated to food jaja#digital art is still so new to me and it's been fun trying to work it out!! my main respite is being able to work with colors comfortably :]#in traditional art it's really exhausting to color besides the splashes of color I like to do so I just. don't do it anymore#exciting things!! now I'm a bonafide traditional And digital artist. feels funky#anyway I've also been linking music in all my recent posts - which I'm gonna keep doing bc it's nice to brag about my music taste a little#NO idea if anyone actually clicks on them/listens to them but it's nice anyway :] I link the most relevant song to the piece#whether it's what I was mostly listening to while drawing/writing or the driving inspiration for the piece itself. fun fact if anyone cares#for this one I listened to (because I always tag the song name/artist):#delegation oh honey#and also red dead music/gameplay. funny considering huh#ANYWAY I'M DONE YAPPING. I had a lot to say today for some reason. ciao adios khodahafez antio au revior tschüss etc etc#digital art#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#original#finished#food
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
local enby shocked to realize that taking their prescribed medication actually works and they can do stuff now
#everyone: adderall is soooo addictive you should be very careful with it and we'll cut you off if it seems like you're enjoying it too much#me: hmm what if i just. didn't. take my meds though. im sure i don't *really* need it#me: why am i exhausted and depressed all the time this sucks ass. maybe it's the crash they all talk abt i just need to power through it#me several days later: okay i have a lot to do today so im gonna take my meds and see if they actually help me do stuff#me: *actually gets stuff done and feels fulfilled about it and has the energy for more tasks*#me: *shocked pikachu face*#anyway. this post has been brought to you by the fact that i looked at the time. realized i had 20 minutes left until i had to leave#and thought 'oh that's plenty of time i can make a sandwich and eat it before i head out'#and i got so fucking shocked by the fact that i literally thought this in my own brain that i legit gained psychic damage from this#i haven't had a sandwich in over a month bc i didn't have the energy nor the willpower to withstand the feeling of bread on my hands#i made a sandwich im eating it now i have 7 minutes until i have to leave for class#i forgot how time feels longer when the meds work. i can fit So Much Stuff in the same amount of time.#anyway this is also kinda mixed feelings bc now im worried that im not supposed to be able to do so much or feel this content#and what if im actually high rn but i dont even know it and i end up getting hooked without even realizing it#much to consider#anyway. i got 2 minutes left now so im gonna be leaving soon#that was a great sandwich i cant believe i made it and ate it and also posted abt it on tumblr. in only 20 minutes#mine#random#adhd
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
love how the boss keeps telling us to not go into overtime and to not fall behind with discharge reports etc etc while its just SO much to do all the time??? and not just shit u can plan??? theres so much unhinged shit happening all the time????
#like today one of my patients did a Thing . and it ended up taking up most of my time until noon and i got nothing else done bc of#appointments and meetings until fucking 3.30pm which is when i should be going home#and tmr they scheduled a seminar thing from 1-5pm like??????? i cant do anything else in that time + again its in overtime#im so frustrated and exhausted lmao#and this is obvi not todays patients fault like theyve got their issues and i understand that. yet the way the boss expects us to work#around these unpredictable things without going into overtime.... bro#also im gonna get swamped with patients soon so itll get even worse#idk how to do any of this im ngl#i mean this is only my 4th month and im Learning. but its hard man#a colleague got 64 hours overtime last year which is a lot for our position and she got into so much trouble for it lmao#i hate it here a bit :-)#become a psychotherapist! nobody said and i did it anyways and now im reaping what i sowed#also giving diagnoses is one of the hardest most humbling aspects of it all hands down idgaf what anyone says
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao
i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]
#things that arent worth having their own post bc it's boring normal life stuff#I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!! i've only worked one day but i had a lot of fun#and i like my coworkers. im scared of tomorrow tho bc my manager who has been guiding me around isnt gonna be there#so second day in and im already on my own DFGHKJG it'll be fine.........#also I GOT MY DESK ORDERED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO. SOON I WILL BE BACK ON THE GRIND I WANNA PLAY SKYBLOCK SO BAD#i've only been able to play on weekends or at ark's ;-; pain and suffering i need somewhere to sit#also fun fact. remember how the house was full of mold. well there was ALSO a gas leak for the past couple weeks#my existence is a miracle#im blaming all past behaviors on this. im normal now dont worry 👍👍👍#i think i already mentioned this but my snes power cable is missing and i need a new one Pain And Suffering#on the brighter side of my old games. i found by gbc! AND THE BATTERIES STILL WORK SOMEHOW LMAO#i can finally do a miserable gen 2 shiny hunt yippeeeeee#trying to find my gameboy copy of tetris attack but i dont see it anywhere 😔#uhhhh yeah that's about it i guess. been busy with sorting out work stuff and money problems and Everything Else#currently taking care of health stuff i havent done in years. time for dentist today wahoo#gonna try to get an eye exam soon. it's been like. a decade-#im not sure my vision is still 20/20 im having trouble reading some things digitally#billboards are fine. electronic ones are not those are just smudges#i dont know enough about eyes to know what that could be#chat
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every day I tell myself "all I have to do is make it through today" and I'm realizing that I don't know how I feel about the fact that I feel like I have to tell myself that every single day.
#a lot of times it's because I hate my job and I'm miserable#I literally cried in the car on the way home today because I got so stressed during my shift#never work at a movie theater kids it's awful#I wish I didn't#I wish I could have a real job because I fucking went to college I got my fucking dgree#and yet this was the best I could do because I've never had a job in my life so no one would give me the time of day#I feel humiliated every single day I walk into the building#I feel like such a failure and an embarrassment#and that's not to say everyone who works at the theatre ahould feel that way that's now what I'm saying#but that's how I personally feel about myself and the situation that I am in#and we're entering the busiest week of the year so it sucks even more than usual#but also I'm just so tired from this year it's been a really bad one for me and my family#just abysmal in every way#so I have to remind myself I have to make it through the day every day right now#but you know what it's fine I have a chapter done and ready to go on Christmas and it's been almlst 4 years in the making#so in that case I have a present for some of you and I'm really excited about it#it's gonna be a sad Christmas for us because everyone in my family is broke but I hope you guys all have a better holiday than I will#and as someone who adores Christmas like it's my favorite day of the year type adore I'm just really down in the dumps right now#just feeling very sad#but anyway sorry rant over I have to go to bed#I don't get saturday's off and those are my lingest shifts so 🙃#I get christmas eve and christmas ofd tough 😊#but not the day after 🙃#anyway bedtime for me sorry to rant guys#abby's self deprecation hour#abby after dark
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#periodical life updates#maybe when artfight is done i'll ask for avm art reqs; that seems fun. i wanna draw the colorful sticks#(<- has been mainly drawing the stickmin sticks for twitter)#wait i also mentioned i wanted to work on my selfship blog right? fck. and also my part for that map too.#jegus jace r.i.c.k.e.c. starlight youve got so many projects huh. well its good to write them down. ive got this thing i do where once i-#finish a big project i forget all other projects ive ever had. ''i was so caught up in the euphoria of not being busy with artfight anymore#''i forgot that my other projects existed!'' type beat. future jace check here when youre done artfight. you've also got a fic to write!!#and ecas to draw! you also wanted to do an oc sexyman tourney but you wanted to draw everyone portraits first so <3#stickmin comics (charles; randy; jegus we probably cant think of montana just yet) and also i still got the requests from there :'>#maybe a commission sheet. i might do kofi commissions they sound fun. real commissions stress me out hgkjh </3#infinite art project hell hfkjhf </3 didnt do much artfighting today due to dentist appointment. it was very unpleasant.#i need a lot of dental work done. i have to go back next week (RIGHT BEFORE SAHCON TOO LMAO) and i also gotta have my wisdom teeth removed#not then i think (hopefully i dont wanna be fcked up before sahcon :/) but eventually. ugh. mimserable.#my queue's running low again. im tired of filling it back up ough u-u#my new drawing tablet came in btw!! ive been drawing more comfortably again <3 gotta update my progress reports for artfight#ive been watching secret sleepover society though hjdfjkh they played a cute potion making game!! but i'll work on the spreadsheet now hdjk#okay done and posted! gonna take my dental meds and probably sleep or add more stuff to queue?#see ya! <33
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't think you can actually tell the difference between someone having a legimate issue or difficulty completing work vs someone 'just being lazy' that easily actually.
#Sorry sorry lots of talk about group work today and everyone's a fucking struggler who's basically doing it solo or whatever#And that topic of conversation has always made me feel Bad because I've always had trouble keeping up the pace at which most people work#It's part of the reason I tend to leave stuff so late because i get scared and then work all the time no breaks.#It always disclaim it's gonna take me about 5x longer to do work most people can probably complete in an hour#Because I get very stressed and I'm a perfectionist and my brain is weird and overthinks everything ever#I have not yet found any solution to this issue. I am convinced there isn't one except leaving it all to the last week and using the panic#To pull all nighters every other day. To get it done#But I can't fucking. Do that if out progress is logged on a repo... Thinking ahead to out next assignment#I've already had the hard talk with my friends about it and they where all very nice to me but I still feel bad a bit#And I'm glad they know it's not because I don't care I care so hard it fucks me up to the point where it gets really difficult asdfhdhd#But idk sometimes people will bring examples up of one of their teammates 'clearly just being lazy and not caring enough' and it's just#Something I can fall into doing as well. So like. I don't think it's that easy to tell actually#Like I get if it's a pattern then you kinda have to intervene because yknow it's a grade you need to get#I hope if I ever fall so bad I stop working that my friends would pop in to ask me if they could help. But people are very. Mean about it#Idk where I was going with this I just wish I was better than I am I guess. Aughhh#I should go to bed <<< feels bad as fuck because they got nothing done today#android.txt
1 note
·
View note
Text
itis very funny i post so much abt myself but i dont actually post that much abt what goes on day to day . mainly bc there isnt much but like. u guys arent even aware of mine and lamps current music phase .. crazy
#well i thnnk ive mentioned it. were very jnto kpop atm weve been watching a lot of videos ive added like 30 new songs to my playlsit snd#theyre all kpop. its fun#we arent rly into any of the like . fandom part of it FNFNJF neither of us rly do fandom at all im reformed and lamp never rly has. but yes.#there r like 8 kpop songs on my on repeat atm which ik doesnt seem like a ton but its bc i tend to just listen to the same 3 songs on repeat#for days on end#currently villain by pixy is going platinum. and nobody knows by kiss of life is huge. and maria by hwasa and hip by mamamoo were big...#SOO yes. and theres many others...#we just watch those big comp videos and then grab whatever we like.and today we watched a lot of the dance practice videos bc theyre fun 2#watch#but ya. itis fun. its also fun bc like. obv since were watching like. fancomps we get to like peoplewatch kpoppies which is fun. except when#it isnt but then we just dont look at the comments#umm and today we played more stardeww we finally finished the first year in our save. i mentioned potato bix earlier its the deeply#controversial new farm layout#we only had 30 strawberry seeds from last year skullllll. so its very potato heavy hence the name#its like. i think. 2 6x13s + 2 21x3s. but the 21x3s have sprinklers#and then other assorted crops in the middle and then lamps got like a few up by their house but theyre all sprinkled#it does look like ass. and the profits Will not even be that good. BUT ! our fortunes will turn come blueberry day <- famous joke with me#and lamp. more common variation our fortunes will turn come cranberry day#i will say spring in sdv is like back to school like winter is for kicking it and playing around and then its spring and its like fuckk. we#have to do everything there is#but were almost done with all the bundles we have to get fuckass red cabbage so itll be fall b4 its done#weve got 2/3 apples just from the batcave so thats nice#and aside from that we need like 3 more gold parsnips and then a few animal goods. like i think we need 2 of 3. of large milk large goat#milk and duck egg. and we just got cows and a duck#nd thennnn well be getting the goat soon..#und then well prolly fully update the barn and coop#weve got most of our tools to gold except like. an ax and i think lamps pan needs another upgrade. weve even got the trashcans gold now#nd then eere gonna hold off on iridium bc 1 we dont have much 2 were sabing for sprinklers for when we get the greenhouse and 2 expensive.#itll have to wait for BLUEBERRY DAYYYY which willt ake a while#and then probably well just work on fully upgrading the house and all this.
1 note
·
View note
Text
woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
0 notes
Text
.
#tag talk#I like my therapist a lot. had another appointment and she's way more thorough about the initial screenings and my last therapist wasn't.#anyway today was a questionnaire about trauma and so I sat on my bed huddled in blankets and she was like heyy you gonna be okay?#largely not okay because Easter was yesterday so you know.. religious christian holidays be that way.#but I didn't cry during the session at all and she was cool and said some good things that I have now forgotten of course.#still didn't tell her about boofing everclear and fucking up my gi tract for a week or so (idk how long it's been)#but she was like “you don't have to tell me. I already get that you do risky behavior” cause I told her about my grindr escapades already.#her earnestness does make me want to get better.#often when people are obnoxious about my issues I just double down as a “fuck you” to them. so I'm glad we've got a good rapport instead.#I didn't get a chance to talk about plurality but it's fine cause I don't think it's they big of a deal. just another coping skill I have.#she did specifically recognize and congratulate me on the fact that I've deliberately worked on coping skills which felt really good.#like. I used to not be able to fall asleep so I practiced it and now I can. I used to startle really easily but I practiced and now I don't.#I have done deliberate effort to overcome my issues and usurp!#*usually people don't notice because they just see the successful outcome.#so it's nice for someone to recognize the work I've put into overcoming my trauma responses even as a kid
0 notes
Text
.
#bruh today is gonna be so long and I have zero motivation#but I got my bathroom fully set up and am almost done putting together my office chair#have therapy in an hour and need to head to German#over all it shouldn’t be terrible#I think I’m really starting to feel at home for once#and like I’m ready to live life again#I’ve made more purchases than I should have but instead of frivolous stuff#I’ve focused on things that make my space my own#and I’ve saved SO MUCH by quitting drinking that it almost makes up for it all#I’m really getting towards being happy#there’s so much more to do in life and I have a lot of hard work ahead#but I’m slowly and steadily making progress toward it :)
1 note
·
View note