#i was gonna say it was horrible but actually I’m the one to blame

[muwapsturniolo]

Let’s talk about it.

Tw! Mentions of suicide, slurs, rape accusations, triggering shit in general

As most of yall know there has been drama this past week that I was dragged into as well as rose. This drama started off as something petty that rose and I didn’t want to be involved in, and because I unfollowed the people involved, and told them it wasn’t right to drag rose and I into it, and rose blocked the people involved, suddenly one of the people is dead and rose and I are being blamed.

Now, death is a serious thing, however you’re not gonna blame someone killing themselves on me when I didn’t do anything to them. That’s horrible and disgusting, and it’s fucked up. Do you understand how serious of an accusation that is? Of course I’m not going to care if someone is dead and I’m being blamed for it.

Posts are being sent to me on anon and I’m seeing people say I joked about death. I didn’t joke about shit, I made a few insensitive comments and said I don’t believe she’s dead and I stand on that. I already messaged this acct but to make a video and say “this is just like telling someone a person faked a raped accusation, I’m gonna believe her until she is proven guilty” is actually crazy considering this is two different fucking things, and there’s actual evidence that I didn’t kill nobody.

(Convos with Aaliyah proving I didn’t say anything crazy to her)

This sounds harsh but idc because it needs to be said. If you kill yourself because you dragged two people into sum shit that they didn’t ask to be dragged into, and they react by telling you that you were wrong and they unfollow and block, there is something actually wrong with you.

This is giving the same energy as a manipulative toxic narcissist boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever the fuck, that threatens to kill themselves because you want to break up.

I was literally being harassed on instagram live, a person was watching the live and sending me anons calling me all types of slurs and responding to what I was saying. They kept accusing me of “killing their friend” and that’s bullshit.

How is it possible I killed your friend when them ending their life has nothing to do with me? Like honestly think about it, I’ve posted the messages between me and Aaliyah, nothing bad was said. So no, I didn’t kill your friend nor did I tell her to.

And also, as I was on live yesterday, I showed two accts, one that ik for a fact is Aaliyah, and one that I’m 99% sure is Aaliyah. The 99% one is 99% because I went through their old stories and they were speaking French (which Aaliyah was), was black (which Aaliyah was), had the name Aaliyah and followed me on both my instas, and also looked 13-14 (which is what people kept claiming her age was) After I showed the one I wasn’t 100% certain about, people in the live were getting blocked by that acct and the weird person harassing me on the live admitted they were on the acct and blocking people. The said it was cause I showed her face but there were no photos on the acct of Aaliyah nor was the pfp her. ALSO THE ACCT LITERALLY WAS POSTING EARLIER THAT DAY

Now, I’m starting to believe this was all Aaliyah because she didn’t want to take accountability, but part of me still believes it’s Lila because she has done odd shit in the past which was confirmed by someone.

(Confirming that Lila has made multiple accts to interact with rose and rose keeps blocking her)

Also Lila claims she never blamed me or rose and someone else claims bendetta never did. Is she didn’t, then what is this?

Is this not Lila trying to have a gotcha moment ?? Mind you, Lila unblocked me just to tag me in this post. Then when I called her out she blocked me immediately because she knew she was wrong for blaming me and rose.

So basically to sum up this post, I didn’t kill anyone, rose didn’t kill anyone, stop talking on shit you don’t know anything about, and don’t fake your fucking death and accuse people.

[timetohealit]

JUST DID THE LAST ASSIGNMENT. IM FREEEEEE. I DINT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ANYMOOOREEEEE

Okay maybe today is the day I catch up on this online course

[pepperyduck]

“parenting class” with kei tsukishima

this is part six of my kinktober event :3

word count: 1.5k

warnings: nsfw, timeskip tsukishima, breeding, talks about pregnancy, tsukki is maybe a little bit bad!, finishing inside, unprotected p in v. 18+ mdni!

notes: who tf was gonna tell me pregnancy scares are real

kinktober masterlist | masterlist

kei tsukishima didn’t know what had come over him.

personally, he blamed that stupid parenting class that was required, for some reason. kei thought it was idiotic, but he needed it to graduate. and they absolutely doomed him when they put both of you in class together.

there was something about you, his sweet, beautiful and kind girlfriend that had already won his heart a million times over, doing things that a mom would do. of course, they provided those dumb dolls that cried and stuff—but you seemed to be able to calm the robot baby down instantly. the smallest appearance of a smile came over his face when you’d bounce the doll in your arms, or feed it the fake food.

god forbid when they made you wear that horrible pregnancy vest, because it gave your boyfriend terribly amazing imagery of what you’d actually look like carrying his child. maybe he was weird for it, but after the few weeks of that class was over, kei couldn’t stop himself from only thinking about one thing;

getting you pregnant.

he hadn’t ever been the dad type, until now.

“do you want kids?” tsukishima had asked you, all the while focused on a homework assignment. the question was one you hadn’t talked about before. it took you by surprise, obviously, and you wondered if it was something your tsukki wanted, too.

“if you want them, yeah.”

and that reply is what led kei to his current position, deciding between two ways the both of your lives could go. but as you laid there in his dorm room, trapped under his arms, all the excuses he could make for what he was about to do ran through his head. both of you were adults, set to graduate college in a few months, along with jobs lined up the second you got your diplomas. he already had a ring for you, he’d decided he was going to marry you a long time ago—

what did he have to lose?

“are you okay? you seem out of it, tsukki,” you say, running your fingers through your boyfriend’s blond locks. you had been waiting for a few minutes now, and all kei was doing was staring down at you, the look in his eyes gradually shifting over time.

“mhm.” is the only reply you get out of him, but he finally starts to move his eyes up and down your face, skimming over your lips and soft cheeks. kei felt like he could moan aloud when you wrap your arms behind his neck and lean up to give him a small peck.

he loved how sweet you were to him, a stark contrast in his own personality. he was never one to show affection in many ways, but you made up for it with the amount of affection you gave him. you had kei wrapped around your little finger, and boy, did he know it.

wrapping your legs around his waist, you pull kei in impossibly closer, the warmth in between your legs now was prodded at by the tent in your boyfriend’s boxers. kei harshly sucks air through his teeth at the pressure, absentmindedly rutting against you, feeling your panties and the dampness behind them, absolutely soaked. kei could tell.

“i don’t have a condom,” he remarks, subtly watching how you’d react.

“oh—um, it’s okay,” you reply almost instantaneously, “i’m on birth control, tsukki.”

damn it.

tsukishima nods his head, leaning up to allow space for the both of you to strip away the clothing that was keeping him from being inside of you. scooting back on the bed, you allow him room to join you. kei climbs up on the mattress with you, slotting himself between your already spread thighs, cock immediately pressing against the warm wetness of your cunt. you whine at the teasing, though it isn’t intentional, and kei hushes your noises with a sweet kiss.

as your lips lock and your skin becomes warmer at your lover’s contact, kei’s slender hands come to grab under your thighs, situating you in a rather unexplored position—a mating press. his head draws back again, just to take in the sight of you; in his shirt, and rather everything else completely exposed to him. the small light coming from his desk lamp illuminates you perfectly, shows off how soft you are to kei, the perfect body to carry his kids—

“kei,” you whine, “are you sure you’re okay?” your question is half concern and half desperation, wanting him to either move or tell you he isn’t horny; though, the raging erection he has would say otherwise. “if you don’t wanna do it, we don’t have to—oh!”

your rambling is cut off by a harsh thrust inside, kei wasting no time to completely insert himself into you. he was never one to be too rough, maybe a little erratic, but never completely silent and impatient. you can tell there is no patience left in your boyfriend, with how he immediately begins a grueling, fast pace, slamming his length into you with unrelenting force. your pretty little brain, usually so sweet and composed, has no time to think about what’s got him so worked up, because he has you yelping out within only a few seconds.

“kei—kei!” you chant his name, it’s falling off your lips like a routine prayer, stuck on loop like a broken record.

kei’s knees dig into the fabric of his sheets, his thighs completely straightened, and it feels like he is using every bit of strength to wind his hips up and violently slam them back into you. becoming so fond of this position, you can feel him in new depths, as the slit of his cock taps – no, angrily impales – your cervix. he’s no longer calculated, or sweet, whatever had gotten into kei had made the man completely animalistic.

syrupy, soaked walls clamp around his length ridiculously tighter with every meeting of your hips, and you mewl. the first remnants of sweat creep on your boyfriend’s hairline, his glasses are beginning to slip down his nose, he’s almost silently panting. when your eyes aren’t squeezed shut, you can see the blank, mean expression settled on tsukishima’s features; it wasn’t a softened version of his face like normal.

“feels s’good, tsukki!” you manage to stammer out, arms flailing to the pillow you rested your head on to hold.

“yeah?” followed by a grunt is the only reply, the only words tsukki has given you the entire interaction. he usually liked to tease you, or have more remarks when you babbled on about how good he felt. but no, not now. not when he could feel himself getting closer from the death grip your pussy has on him, not when he can feel himself about to knock you up. “look at me.”

your eyes shoot open, despite the signals from your body telling you to keep them closed, lose yourself in the pleasure. you wouldn’t dare to disobey your boyfriend, not like this. so, of course, you lock your eyes with his, his cock still bullying its way deeper into you. kei savors the scrunched up, dirty look on your face, that of one he hasn’t seen before.

were you enjoying this that much? even if you didn’t know his intentions, were you finding pleasure in the thought of getting pregnant now, by him?

“i’m gonna finish inside,” kei states, and it’s not a request, nor a demand. it’s a simple statement, something he is going to do. you’re able to notice the passion, the need in his voice. and you think, for just a moment, that you understand his intentions.

however, the rough pounding he’s giving you leaves no time for thought.

“mm—finish in me, tsukki,” you motivate him, trying your damnedest to maintain the eye contact with him, “m’gonna cum too!” your voice pitches higher, and kei’s sure whoever’s trying to sleep on the other side of the wall probably hates him right now. but he doesn’t really care, no. he’s determined.

“yeah? close, hmm?” tsukishima teases, finally, in between heavy pants. you nod your head pathetically, not even asking for permission as you clench around him again and cum all over his cock. he’s learned you so well, he can tell when you cum, and he only speeds up the pace of his thrusting to fuck you through it.

at the sound of your pretty noises, kei loses himself, letting the feeling inside snap. thick, white ropes of his cum fly out and stick to your insides, you can feel the extra warmth from it all—it’s hotter than your insides, somehow. even as his pace slows, the thrusts remain just as hard; fucking into you all the way, he’s overstimulating the both of you. all for his greedy, reckless desires.

something had gotten into kei tsukishima, and he knew what it was now. it was all an insatiable, needy scratch inside his brain, only to be helped when in a few weeks, you take that plastic test in the bathroom of his dorm, and those two pink lines show up. he’d only be helped then.

[elizzsush]

“Fuck you Comic Con nerds!” | DC - Batman WIP

Batfam X Isekaied Reader

— in which you, a DC fan gets isekaied into and gets saved by boy wonder. Only to get mad at him and B… it’s only after you calm down (still mad at them) you piece together what actually happened… but should you tell them?

AU: Soulmate (?), isekai Rating: Sfw

Note: You and Damien are the same age and shit. I don’t really remember how old he is but for the sake of fanfiction let’s age him up to 18 (or down I looked it up and it said he was 37? I have no idea where that info was from comic are confusing)

Warning: Y/N swears a lot and makes a like one sexual joke? _________________________________

One minute you were in the greatest, most magical place in the world: Six flags. And the next you were in the sewer. To say you were pissed and totally confused was an understatement. Those funnel cakes by the entrance were calling your name- you were gonna get one before you left! Now instead of that sweet cake smell it was replaced with the smell of shit and piss and whatever else lived in the sewer.

Sixflags was suppose to be relaxing- doctors orders. You just needed to relax and distract from-

You were in the sewers. You dreaded to think about what you may have stepped in while on your quest to find a manhole cover.

So yes, you looked like an idiot in a Superman cape carrying a Wayne enterprises mug wondering around the sewers. The mug was half off and made you feel like you existed in the world of DC instead of the regular merchandise… and the cape was because who doesn’t get a cape when they go to six flags? Or at least bring the cape they already bought with them. Looking back, you blamed the mug. Anyway, you were wandering around this horrible sewer with water greener then green. It seriously looked toxic… when you heard this horrible roar…

You glanced back from where you came- looking towards the sound, when you heard it again. So, like any sane person. You broke out into a sprint.

Bad ideas, because it heard you and was coming closer now.

You seriously doubted you would be able to outrun this thing for long. It was getting closer and rapidly. But, thankfully, luck was on your side- because you saw a manhole cover!

Climbing the ladder you pushed the thing open-

Only to almost get ran over by a fucking car! “Watch it!” You cursed at the speeding car, a certain finger proudly in the air as you climb out. Momentarily forgetting about the creature that was chasing you. Remember that you slammed the man hole cover shut in a hurry.

But, did you think you could compete with some monster when it comes to the battle of strength? Yeah, didn’t think so either. It blasted the manhole cover off of its neat little spot and you hurry back and away from the road. “What the- oh my god.” You breath in relief when the thing was too big to actually climb out of the sewers. “Killer croc… okay… I’m losing it… whatever it is…” you try and breath out to collect yourself but you were interrupted by the sound of a very angry lizard man… thing. Crocodile? “Okay fuck off!” You shouted angrily at the villain and rip your cap off. “Abusive aunts or some shit is hard but by god your annoying!” You huff and run away because that just made him more angry and you didn’t want to stick around for that.

You did run away while waving two fingers at him, each from the middle of two of your hands but that was neither here nor there. You just needed to walk away and clear your head-

And…

You bumped into someone on your little escape. A chest of a fucking cosplayer. “My day couldn’t be going worse- oh my god, Fuck you Comic Con nerds!” You swore at the boy in black, red and green. “Six flags was suppose to be fucking relaxing!” You swore at him and turned away to go the opposite way only to bare witness to the snarls of a certain croc

“get back here!” He made the fucking ground shake.

“Fuck you and your shitty Damien cosplay, I am out of here.” You turn and ran from him only he to met with the silhouette of a bat… man, it was fucking Batman. “Oh I wonder who it is? Bruce Wayne, no fucking duh, Go fight the idiot on acid and leave me out of it.” You hissed because you were cornered. You tend to lash out when your cornered. He approached you quieter now. “…Oh um, I’ll take the crocodile, thanks.” You spoke as you backed up only for him to make the ground shake harder-

“Fine! Boy wonder then god damn. At least he’s hot!”

“How do You know our names?” Boy wonder piped up. He was suddenly standing beside you.

“Are You dense or really into role play?” You hissed at them. “I don’t know what kind of budget your little prank crew is working with but screw off!” Just then the crocadile managed to ruin the ground around him and break free- resulting in Batman and Robin to fight him and you-

The sane one to run away, “I’m so suing six flags for this- didn’t sign up for their fucking role-play shit.”

—————————————

Okay, so after adjusting. You were no longer in six flags- nor some rich nerds cosplay special effects whatever. Hell you didn’t even somehow end up on a movie set shooting for the next Batman. “Gotham more like god dammit, right?” You joked to yourself, and the old women next to you. She just looked at you weirded out and oddly disappointed before shaking her head. “Okay, Fuck me then.”

So, yeah, you were feeling a lot of emotions. Hey, you can adjust to this! Because no way in hell was getting back to your world worth being involved in whatever episode or comic plot this whole thing was. Yeah no, fuck that. You made a checklist.

1. Get out of Gotham (metropolis was lovely, Superman was cool-)

2. Get enough money to fuck off to some corner of the world no one knew about.

And finally 3. Live peacefully knowing you’ll never get that funnel cake.

The only problem? You didn’t have any money, food, shelter, phone, money again, or anything besides the clothes on your back. And you were craving funnel cake. Yes, you were poor in Gotham. That was basically a death sentence.

At least you had a mug. A stupid, useless mug. Hey, at least you can beg for change with it! “I should rob people.” You mutter to yourself because, that seemed like a good easy way to get money- the old women next to you however eyed you warily and moved her purse. “Not you, we’re cool Margaret.” You sent her a wave and a wink and got up. This plan would work.

It was this or sell the Justice leagues names to villains. Which- hey that could make cash and make you dead!

—————————————

Despite what people will tell you, stealing is fun.

Who would have guessed- your a natural pick pocket! If pick pocketing was running past women and tugging their bags away. “My bag! My purse!” Okay, maybe you had a bit of a sick sense of humor but you were desperate! And you made 132 dollars and 25 cents. Had it been two days? Yes, had you been pepper sprayed twice? Yes again, but you avoided it!

The only regret you had? Why hadn’t it been marvel? Marvel just seemed easier to live in. Yes the world did end but it bounced back! You sighed and threw a penny in the air. You were honestly tired. Two days was a long time to go without a bed. You couldn’t get a job either, you tired and needed so much to prove you were a serial killer or a thief- which included a birth certificate you didn’t have and so much more. Background checks would be the death of you. Even at that small cafe you met Margret? Yeah it was Margret. “Well we’ll well, if it isn’t Gotham’s newest petty criminal.”

You dropped your penny. Leaving you with 24 cents.

It was Jason fucking Todd.

“If I die, at least make it by those thighs.” You said solemnly, accepting your death. “I mean seriously, you squat or something?” You did a wolf whistle and now you were being detained. Okay, you tried.

You never claimed to be better then a man. And if you did you lied.

“I got her B.”

.

.

.

.

“Banananannaan Batman! Da Na!” You sang as Batman’s Batmobile pulled into the bat cave. The same one you had been dragged too. “He’s the crime fighting vigilantes who works alone! Besides Robin, Nightwing, Gordon, the Justice League, batgirl, Red Robin, red hood, Oracle, Barbra, um… I know theirs more help me out jay bird?” You sang as he excited the car. “He refuses to kill the joker who’s a mass murder ands death would save thousands! It’s Batman! The hero man! Danananana!”

“How do You know?” Batman asked as he walked towards you.

“The Song? Oh I improvised. Hard to find rhymes for Batman, hero man is pretty good though, huh?” He fucking punched you! “Fuck! What the hell dude? Wait are you the angry Batman who’s quieter or the nice Batman- god it’s so hard to know which one I ended up with.”

“This is serious.” Dick Said as he grabbed Batman hand and pulled him away from you.

“Heard of coping? penis?” You rolled your eyes, “this is kinda how I do it.”

“You sold our information, or Superman’s information too a villain. Tell us why and how you knew it and we’ll let you go.” He continued, “our friend is in serious danger now because of you.” He gritted his teeth looking upset.

You just rolled your eyes and licked your now bloody teeth. “Would have sold your guys information for a lot more then I got on me. Living large with eight dogs- maybe cats? Don’t know how I feel about animals actually. Which do you prefer dogs or cats?”

“We need to know how many villains you sold us out too.” Dick said calmly, his face getting closer to your own. “Now.”

You smile and lean closer to him. “You free after this?” He backed away with a frustrated look and Batman put his hand on Dick shoulder. “Oh B is tapping in now- great!”

“Your the only person who knows who we are.” Another voice said you looked behind you and saw Damien.

“That you don’t trust. Maybe check your inner circles before punching a poor thief! God… you’d think the world greatest detective would fact check- oh wait isn’t the greatest a chimp or something? I’ve always loved monkeys- oh maybe I’d get a monkey for my pent house.”

“You have no family, no friends, no birth certificate- before last week you didn’t exist. There are no records of you being born or traveling to Gotham. Who exactly are you?” Batman leaned close to you.

You stayed silent, thinking of your options. "I was with a traveling circus..." You began, "Then one day someone rigged the equipment for my parent's routine and then batman adopted me, and that was how I began robin..." You spoke solemnly, you noticed how a certain blue suited bird man tensed up. "Aw, don't tell me we have the same backstory!" You accused the Nighwing, "well one of us is going to have to change it and I hate to tell you, but I make it work."

"She knows more about us than our names... or at least more about Nighwing." You heard a robin mutter, the red one.

"Okay being red was his thing” you look at red hood, “and you took it, so you have no place to talk about me and penis's copycat situation- Even though I totally did it first and he should change it." You nudged your head towards Red Hood, "Kinda like how you took his role as Robin, but you know what Ima stay away from that can of worms haha." You laughed awkwardly as Jason stood up from behind you and walked towards you menacingly.

"This is a Major Turn Off for me you know? The costumes just don’t do it- maybe if you strip-“ and your mouth was tapped shut.

_____________________________________NOTE: Y/N is supposed to be Deadpool coded because I was watching Deadpool and laughing my ass off earlier.

[pucksandpower]

Blackmail Material

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Summary: you love your boyfriend more than life itself but who can blame you for keeping a folder of all the blackmail material he has given you over the years … just in case

You hear a bloodcurdling scream from the other room. “Y/N! Come quick!” Charles yells.

You rush over to find him standing on top of the couch, a look of sheer terror on his face. “What’s wrong?” You ask.

He points a shaky finger at the floor. “Sp-spider!”

You look down to see a tiny little spider no bigger than a blueberry crawling across the hardwood. You have to stop yourself from laughing at the sight of your brave Formula 1 driver boyfriend absolutely losing it over this tiny critter.

“Really? That’s what all the fuss is about?” You don’t bother to keep the amusement out of your voice.

“Don’t laugh!” He says indignantly. “It’s a monster! Kill it, please!”

You kneel down and take a closer look at the offending arachnid. “Aww, it’s just a little jumping spider,” you say. “It’s actually kind of cute.”

Charles makes a strangled sound of disbelief. “Cute? It’s a beast from the depths of hell! I want it gone!”

You roll your eyes affectionately. “You race cars at over 300 kilometers per hour, but you’re scared of a little spider barely bigger than a piece of lint?”

“Yes! Spiders are my worst fear. Now stop teasing me and get rid of it!” He gives you his best pleading look from his perch on top of the couch.

“Alright, alright,” you acquiesce, grabbing an empty glass from the coffee table. You gently trap the spider under it and slide a piece of cardstock underneath, trapping the spider safely.

“Is it dead? Please tell me you killed it,” Charles asks hopefully.

“Of course not, I’m just going to let it go outside. Spiders are good, they eat other bugs.”

Charles visibly shudders. “Well get it out of here! I don’t want to see it ever again.”

You carry the spider carefully to the sliding door and release it on the balcony. When you come back inside, Charles is still standing on the couch looking suspiciously around at the floor.

“The horrible beast has been banished, you can come down now,” you say.

He hesitantly steps back down onto the floor. “Are you sure it’s gone? You didn’t just give it free reign to run wild in the apartment?”

You try and fail to hold back a laugh. “Yes, I’m sure. Your life is no longer in peril.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “This isn’t funny! Spiders are evil creatures with too many legs and eyes. They should not exist.”

You go over and wrap your arms around him comfortingly, though you’re still struggling not to giggle. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. But you have to admit, it’s kind of silly that someone who races cars at death-defying speeds could be so terrified of a tiny spider.”

He huffs indignantly. “It’s a completely rational fear. They’re all legs and eyes and they move so fast and erratically and some of them can be venomous. Absolutely horrifying.”

You smile indulgently and kiss his cheek. “Okay, I get it. I promise I’ll protect you if any more evil spiders invade our home.”

“Thank you,” he says, finally relaxing into your arms now that the threat has passed.

But you just can’t resist teasing him a little more. “It was just so small!”

He pulls back and gives you an unamused look. “You’re not going to let this go anytime soon, are you?”

You grin impishly. “Letting my big macho boyfriend stand on the couch and scream because of a teeny tiny spider? Yeah, probably not gonna let you live this one down for a while.”

Charles groans. “This is so unfair. The guys will never let me hear the end of it if they find out.”

You pat his shoulder sympathetically. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone that Charles Leclerc is terrified of itsy bitsy spiders.”

And if you happened to save evidence of his freak out just in case? Well … it’s not technically telling anyone unless you share the video.

***

You can’t help but grin as Charles paces back and forth in your New York hotel room, running his hands through his hair in distress.

“Chill out babe, I’m sure the airline will find your luggage soon,” you try to soothe him.

Charles whips around, eyes wide. “Chill out? How can I chill out when my La Mer is missing? Do you have any idea how long it took me to perfect my skincare routine?”

You stifle a laugh at his dramatics. “I mean, it’s just skincare products. Not the end of the world.”

“Just skincare products?” Charles looks at you in horror. “That’s like saying a Ferrari is just a car! La Mer is the cream of the crop, the holy grail of skin care! My face needs it to survive!”

You can’t hold back your grin anymore. “Wow, didn’t realize I was dating such a high maintenance diva,” you tease.

Charles huffs, crossing his arms. “I am not high maintenance, I just have discerning taste and an appreciation for quality.”

“Uh huh, sure,” you say. “Is that why you made us stop at three different Whole Foods on the way here from the airport until you found your favorite protein shake?”

“That is completely different,” Charles protests. “My skin is very sensitive, I can’t just use any old drugstore products.”

You laugh and pull Charles onto the couch next to you. “You’re cute when you pout.”

He tries to keep a straight face but ends up cracking a smile. “I can’t help it, I’m freaking out! Do you know how dry airplanes are? My skin is going to be a flaky desert by tomorrow.”

You run a hand through his hair. “Aww poor baby. However will you cope without your six hundred dollar moisturizer?”

Charles narrows his eyes at you. “You joke, but this is serious stuff. Do you want a boyfriend with wrinkles and acne?”

“I mean, a few wrinkles never hurt anyone,” you say, kissing his cheek.

He gasps dramatically. “Don’t even joke about that! I’ll be twenty seven soon, wrinkle prevention needs to start now.”

You shake your head in amusement. “Most twenty seven year olds aren’t this worried about wrinkles. But I guess Formula 1 drivers really are high maintenance.”

“With good reason! We can’t have crows feet interfering with our vision,” Charles says matter-of-factly.

You give him a look. “You’re just making things up now.”

Charles holds your hands, looking deeply into your eyes. “Mon amour, you must understand. Athletes age in dog years. We need anti-aging products just to keep up.”

You burst out laughing, shoving him playfully. “You’re so full of it!”

Charles grins cheekily. “But you love me anyway.”

You lean in and give him a soft kiss. “Yeah I do. Even if you are a high maintenance diva.”

Charles puts a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I thought girlfriends were supposed to be supportive! My skincare is obviously very important to me.”

You snuggle up next to him, running a hand through his hair. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Tell me all about this super special moisturizer.”

His eyes light up. “Well first of all it contains like crushed up diamonds or something. And they freeze each jar before shipping it to keep the ingredients ultra fresh.”

You make a mental note to Google this later, since it sounds completely absurd that diamonds would be an effective skincare ingredient. Though with Charles, you can never be too sure.

“Uh huh, diamonds. That’s totally normal,” you say, playing along.

“Exactly! And the founder makes sure each jar charges under the energy of a full moon before it’s sold. It’s really an intricate artisanal process.” Charles sighs longingly.

You smile and kiss his pouting lips. “You’re cute. I promise your skin will survive one night without magic moon diamonds.”

Charles snuggles against your shoulder. “I know, I know. Skincare is just part of my routine, it makes me feel relaxed and put together. And smelling like citrus blossoms is an added bonus.”

You kiss the top of his head. “I get that. Hopefully the airline finds your stuff soon. But in the meantime, want me to see if anyone sells La Mer nearby?”

Charles perks up. “Ooh yes, let’s check! I saw they have a Dior down the block too.”

You laugh and take his hand. “Of course they do. Come on, let’s go spoil you with new overpriced skincare products until yours turn up.”

***

You walk into the kitchen and see your boyfriend standing at the counter, a pile of uncooked spaghetti next to him. He takes a portion in his hand … which he proceeds to snap in half before dropping it into the pot of boiling water on the stove.

“Charles! What are you doing?” You exclaim in shock.

He turns to you, confused. “What do you mean? I’m just making sure the pasta will fit better in the pot.”

“But you can’t break spaghetti before cooking it!” You say incredulously. “That’s like a cardinal sin in Italy!”

Charles laughs. “Oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal. The pasta will cook just fine this way.”

You shake your head in disbelief. “I can’t believe Il Predestinato is out here breaking pasta. Do you have any idea how offensive Italians would find this?”

“I’m sure they will survive the absolute tragedy of some broken spaghetti,” he jokes.

You nod to your phone. “It’s a good thing I’m recording this for posterity then. The whole country needs to know about this travesty.”

Charles’ eyes go wide. “What? No, don’t record me!” He reaches for your phone but you spin away, giggling.

“The people of Italy deserve to know the truth about their hero!” You declare dramatically.

“Mon ange, please give me the phone,” he pleads, trying to grab your arm. You dance out of reach.

“Truth and justice will prevail!” You continue recording as Charles chases you around the kitchen island.

“Come on, delete it! This could start an international incident if it gets out!”

You pause to catch your breath, phone held high. “An international inchident? Wow, look at you being all dramatic now. I thought it wasn’t a big deal?”

Charles runs a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I didn’t think you’d actually record it as blackmail material! Please, mon amour, I’m begging you, delete the video.”

You pretend to think about it. “Hmm I don’t know … this seems like prime viral video content. Scuderia Ferrari Driver Destroys Pasta, Enrages Italy. Can you imagine the views it would get?”

“Y/N!” Charles lunges forward and tackles you onto the living room couch. You shriek with laughter as he tries to pry the phone from your grip.

“Noooo my video!” You yell dramatically.

Charles pins your arms above your head with one hand and reaches for the phone with the other. “Give it to me!”

You squirm underneath him. “Never!”

He leans down until his face is just inches from yours. “What’s it going to take for you to delete that video, huh?” His voice is low and gravelly.

You catch your breath, hyper aware of his body pressing against yours. “I don’t know, what are you offering?” You ask cheekily.

Charles brushes his nose against yours. “What if I made you your favorite dinner tomorrow night?”

You tilt your chin up in defiance. “That’s all I get for deleting potential internet gold? I don’t think so.”

He moves even closer, his lips just barely grazing your cheek. “Okay, what if I take you out for a nice date too? Dinner and a show at the opera, your choice.” His breath is warm against your skin.

You close your eyes for a second, affected by his closeness but not ready to give in yet. “Tempting, but I think this video is worth even more than that.”

Charles makes a small noise of frustration before capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. You melt into it for a blissful moment before pulling back slightly.

“Well that’s certainly a start,” you murmur, your heart racing.

Charles lets go of your hands to cradle your face tenderly. “Mon cœur, please delete the video. I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.”

You search his eyes intently. “Anything?”

“Anything,” he confirms fervently before kissing you again, deeper this time.

You wrap your arms around his neck and give yourself over to the kiss. After several heated moments, you gently break away.

“Okay fine, I’ll delete the video on one condition.”

Charles looks at you warily. “Name it.”

“You have to let me drive your Ferrari.”

Charles groans and drops his head against your shoulder. “You’re killing me, you know that?”

You laugh and pat his head consolingly. “Those are my terms.”

He lifts his head to grin ruefully at you. “You drive a hard bargain. But for the sake of Italian nonnas everywhere, I accept your deal.”

You lift up your phone and pretend to wipe away a tear. “The souls of broken spaghetti can finally rest easy.”

Charles just shakes his head before leaning down to silence you with another deep kiss. As you lose yourself in the feeling of his body against yours, you quietly move the video into an encrypted folder. After all, you never know when it might come in handy.

***

You raise an eyebrow as you watch Charles carefully pour Red Bull into his Ferrari water bottle. “Do you buy those in bulk?” You ask with a laugh.

Charles gasps in exaggerated outrage. “Buy from the enemy? Never!” He screws the cap on tightly and gives you a sly grin. “Max and I have an arrangement.”

“An arrangement?” You echo in surprise. This is news to you.

Charles nods, looking pleased with himself. “Yes, a secret trade deal. I provide him cappuccinos from the Ferrari cafe and Max supplies me with as much Red Bull as I need.”

You burst out laughing. “Are you serious? You and Max smuggle each other contraband caffeinated drinks?”

“Shh, not so loud!” Charles glances around furtively, but the motorhome is empty except for the two of you. “It must remain a secret.”

Still chuckling, you lower your voice conspiratorially. “So the great Charles Leclerc betrays his team for energy drinks. The Tifosi would riot if they knew!”

Charles winces dramatically. “Do not say such things! It is not betrayal, merely … creative problem solving.” He takes a long swig of Red Bull and grins. “The taste of the enemy is sweet.”

“I can’t believe you drink that stuff. And I can’t believe Max is your supplier!” You shake your head in amusement. “Does anyone else know about this arrangement of yours?”

“Only Lando. We needed a neutral third party to broker the deal and make the exchanges.” Charles leans in with a playful smile. “So do not be getting any ideas about exposing our scheme, yes?”

You mimic zipping your lips. “My lips are sealed … as long as you share some of that!”

Charles pretends to think about it for a second before breaking into a grin and handing you the bottle. The carbonated liquid fizzes pleasantly on your tongue, the familiar flavor mingling with the surrealness of drinking Red Bull from a Ferrari bottle. You take one more sip then hand it back to Charles.

“Just don’t let Fred or Christian find out,” you warn teasingly. “Pretty sure this counts as treason.”

Charles just laughs. “They turn a blind eye. The team knows I perform best when properly caffeinated.” He caps the bottle and adds, “But no more for you, ma belle. I only have a limited supply!”

You pout dramatically. “Fine, keep your precious Red Bull. I guess I’ll just have to tell everyone what’s really in your water bottle!”

The can of Red Bull that Charles rushes to give you tastes even sweeter than usual.

[ilyrafe]

𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒔 ✧ 𝒓. 𝒄.

pairing: ex!rafe cameron x ex!f!reader

warnings: angst, pregnancy scare

word count: 1.6k

“i need to talk to you, it’s urgent. can i come over?”

the text catches rafe by surprise as he hasn’t spoken to you in three weeks. since the breakup, to be specific.

despite not being your boyfriend anymore, rafe still cares for you a great deal, and you rarely text him stuff like this, so it must be serious.

“of course.”

he puts his phone down and begins to wonder what must have happened for you to break your own idea of going no contact.

this has been killing him, not being able to talk to you. he misses you more than he anticipated and it sucks. it’s horrible not having you around, and the saddest bit is that he has no one else to blame but himself.

him and his ways.

half an hour later, he hears a knock on the door and before he can stand up from the chair, you come in. you seem anxious. terrified, even.

“hey.”

“hey, what’s so urgent?”

“i’m late.” you say, but rafe frowns, not quite understanding what you mean. “i’m late, rafe.”

“late?”

“my period, rafe. i’m late.”

oh.

oh, no.

“h-how late are you? i thought you took the pill!”

“i did, but i am a week late. so, i wanna know what we’re gonna do about it.”

rafe needs to breathe, it seems that all the air has left the room. he takes a step back and rubs his face with both hands, trying to be rational.

you’re probably pregnant with his child. this is not how he imagined this was going to happen. it turns out, rafe is quite traditional.

“what do you want to do?”

you seem a bit surprised with his question.

“i… i don’t know, rafe. we’re too young.”

“i’m good with whatever you decide. if you want to keep it, i won’t, uh, i won’t be absent. i’ll provide for you both, i’ll do everything i have to. and if you don’t want to keep it, i’ll pay for it.”

this isn’t going how you were expecting, if you’re being honest. you expected a fight, you expected rafe to claim it wasn’t his child, but… he’s being mature about it, which is new.

truthfully, you don’t know what you want. sure, you’d like children, but not now. not when you’re nineteen and don’t have a clue about what you’re doing in life. not when you don’t have a partner, a job, a house. not when the father of your child is rafe cameron, a drug addict with anger issues.

“i’d like to buy some tests first before i decide what i want to do.”

he nods and takes his car keys, leading you out of the office and taking you to his car.

it doesn’t take long for him to drive you to the nearest drugstore. when he parks the car, you don’t move an inch.

“hey, what’s wrong?”

“i can’t believe this is happening to me.” you say, not being able to hold the tears any longer. this is a nightmare. “what am i gonna tell my parents?”

“you’ll tell them the truth. you’re pregnant and you won’t be doing this alone, i’m here.”

you look at rafe quite skeptically and try your best to believe him, but he’s broken your trust so many times before, it’s difficult to see any honesty in his words.

“not telling them anything and getting an abortion is also an option, you know? we don’t have to tell anybody. whatever it is that you decide, i’m cool with it.”

for your own sake, you choose to believe him and wipe away your tears before you exit his car and go to the drugstore.

you try not to look so suspicious, but you’re looking around, to make sure no one you know is there, and thankfully you’re safe. you buy three different tests and quickly come back to rafe’s car.

the drive back home is excruciating. you can already picture your future as a single mother. you fear what your parents will say if you are indeed pregnant, which you probably are. you’re never late. when you were two days late, you thought it was odd, but then the days kept passing by and nothing happened.

then you did the math.

rafe, on the other hand, is actually happy that you might be pregnant with his child. he always knew he wanted to be a father. this is probably not the best time because you’re not a couple, you’re not really adults, and you don’t really have a stable life, but hey, this is what happens when you have unprotected sex. sure, you took the pill, but no contraceptive is one hundred percent effective.

this kid may be rafe’s only chance to have you somehow linked to him forever and that isn’t a bad thing necessarily… right?

once you’re back to tanney hill, you and rafe nearly run to his bedroom and he makes sure to lock the door so no one can catch them. you open them all and read all the instructions to do it right. you enter his bathroom and once you’re done, rafe has expectant eyes.

“so?”

“we have to wait five minutes.”

“oh, let me set a timer.”

he pulls up his phone and sets a five minute timer while you sit on his bed and sigh as you look up, trying to remain calm, but you can’t.

“i think we should talk about our… possibilities.”

“what possibilities?”

“if you are pregnant and want to keep it, you won’t be doing this alone, okay? i promise. i know this isn’t ideal, but… we’ll get through it. money isn’t a problem.”

“rafe, this isn’t the point. i don’t want to have a baby at nineteen with someone who isn’t my husband. like, i respect the ones who do it, but i don’t want this to be my life.”

rafe chuckles. you’re such a goodie-goodie, he wonders how the hell he managed to get you to date him.

“c’mon, you’ll be a great mom.” he says, truthfully. “you’re great with kids and you’re so caring, so understanding.”

you look at him and chuckle.

“that’s not only what it takes to be a mother.”

“but that’s also important.”

you lie down on his bed and take a deep breath. if rafe wasn’t so unstable, you’d consider having his baby, but… he’s not. he’s being good now, but you can’t predict how he’s going to be tomorrow morning and you can’t raise a child in this environment. you know better than that.

“if you’re keeping the baby, i’m getting clean.” he says. “i’ll quit everything.”

“rafe…”

“i’m serious. i don’t want my kid to be afraid of me, to be in danger because of me.”

the last part breaks your heart a little, as it was one of the reasons why you decided to break things off with him.

“that’s… that’s good to know.”

“i know we don’t need to be married to have a kid, but it’d be nice to, i don’t know, try again.”

“you want to get back together because i’m pregnant?” you snort.

“i want to get back together because i miss you and i love you, and since you might be pregnant, i think it’d be better for us to try again, so our baby can have a full family. you know, mom and dad in the same space.”

our baby. hearing rafe say such things make you even more confused and aggravated, only because you know, deep down, rafe isn’t the right guy for you, as much as you love each other. you know you’re too good for him because even barry told you so.

“he’s a lost cause, y/n. don’t be wastin’ your time with him, he’ll get you in trouble and you don’t deserve that.”

“stop saying things like that, rafe. please, this isn’t the time.” you plead, trying not to cry.

god knows how difficult it was to end things with him, because you love him oh so much. as cliché as it sounds, he’s really not like the other guys. he’s sweet, caring, funny and smart, but he also keeps setting himself up for failure and you’ve realized you can’t fix him and that realization alone broke you in tiny little pieces.

it’s like they say, loving someone is also learning to let them go and this is what you’ve been trying to do. it kills you that you told him to never talk to you again, because you miss his voice. you miss his jokes. you miss hearing his voice saying your name or whatever silly nickname he comes up with.

his phone rings, startling you both. once again, you don’t move, so rafe takes you by the hand and enter his bathroom with you. on the counter, you take the tests and see the results.

negative

negative

negative

the relief you feel is indescribable. you can finally breathe.

“what does it say?” he asks, a bit anxious.

“they’re all negative.” you respond, showing him the tests.

“oh,”

“oh, my god.” you sigh, smiling for the first time in a week. you turn to rafe and give him a hug. “thank you, rafe.”

rafe hugs you back, basking in the feeling of having you back in his arms again. for a few seconds, he allows himself to forget you both are broken up and just had a pregnancy scare. for a few seconds, you’re his again and nothing else matters.

“you okay?”

“now i am.” you chuckle, wiping away new tears.

“d’you want me to drive you home?”

“no, no, it’s okay. i’ve bothered you too much today.” you say, jokingly.

whenever you said that, he always said you never bother me, but he figures now it would be inappropriate.

“call me if you need anything, okay?”

“okay. thank you.”

you give him one last smile before you get your things and leave tanney hill, feeling light as a feather, not at all suspecting that rafe feels like absolute shit.

when you pictured your life as a single mother, rafe saw himself with a family. his own family. the people he would do anything and everything for, the people he would love endlessly.

the only hope he had of having you back in his life, the only thing that would make him turn his life around, the only person who would make him want to be a better person.

it never existed.

tell me what you think! i love feedback <3

[baptismbaby]

† GOD, FORGIVE ME PT. 2

mean!ellie x innocent!reader a/n: posted this to ao3: baptismsbaby warnings: toxic!ellie, corruption, virgin!reader, praise, degrading, gaslighter!ellie, belittling, strap on (r!receiving), not rlly angsty but sorta? creds to elliesgalaxy on pinterest for the pic of ellie wc: 4k<3 part one here

You kneeled by your Bible and candles praying for forgiveness for what happened the previous night. Although you enjoyed your time with Ellie, you felt guilty for going against your own morals. You didn’t judge your friends for having premarital sex and you didn’t think you’d go to Hell over it. If so, everyone would burn and not reach paradise. But you always told yourself that you’d wait until you were married before having sex. You blamed the alcohol and the weed but a part of you believed you would’ve done it sober.

You stood up with a sigh, knowing you had promised to meet Dina for lunch to talk about Ellie’s apology. You spent all night coming up with a lie, which you also felt horrible about. You grabbed your bag and headed out the door. You greeted everyone with a smile as you walked past them. You were thankful that no one knew you drank and smoked the night before.

You walked in and almost ran face first into Seth, who glared down at you. “Sorry!” you apologized, stepping past him and heading towards the table where Dina was sitting.

“Hey you,” she greeted with a smile. “How are you feeling today?”

You sat down and set your bag in the chair next to you. “I woke up with a slight headache this morning but it went away after an hour. So I guess not too bad,” you responded.

“You’re a champ. I feel much better but I woke up feeling like complete shit.”

“I guess I didn’t drink enough to get a proper hangover.”

“Which means you didn’t get drunk enough. Gotta try again!”

“Absolutely not!” you disagreed. “I don’t think I wanna drink again. It tasted horrible!”

“That’s why you get a chaser,” said Dina. “Anyways, let’s get to why we’re here.”

She grabbed your wrist and looked deep into your eyes with a smirk. “Please tell me what Ellie said! I’m so shocked she apologized. She never admits when she’s in the wrong.”

“Well, she came up there and basically told me that she felt bad for making me upset. Even though she’s always doing that,” you laughed. “But she said she realized it went too far and that really, I’m not that bad or something like that. She promised she wouldn’t make fun of me again but who knows.”

“So, are you two gonna be friends?” Dina asked.

You shrugged. “I don’t know… she actually invited me over to watch a movie tonight but I think I’m gonna pass.”

“I think you should go. Ellie never invites people to her place unless it’s for a party or she’s bringing a girl home to fuck. Damn, she really feels bad then,” said Dina.

You couldn’t help but smile. Even though she wanted you to come over to fuck you again, you liked the idea of Dina believing Ellie was going out of her way to prove how sorry she was to you. You originally were going to come over and tell her you weren’t sure if y’all should continue seeing each other but it wouldn’t hurt convincing her to watch a movie. 

“Maybe I will go,” you stated. “I wouldn’t want things going back to how they were before.”

Dina peeked behind you and smiled. “Speak of the devil,” she said. You glanced back to see Ellie walking in. Her hair was messy, the top half of it tied up. She wore her gray hoodie still and baggy jeans. She looked over and made eye contact with you. She fixed her gaze on Dina and made her way to the table.

“Sup, Dina,” she said.

“Hey Ellie.”

Ellie looked back at you and nodded. She walked away and sat with a dark haired woman across the room. She smirked at you before starting a conversation with the girl. You frowned, holding your head up with her hand.

“Well, she didn’t say anything to you but she acknowledged you,” Dina uttered.

You couldn’t stop staring at Ellie and the girl. “Who is she sitting with?” you interrogated.

“That’s Cat. You know Cat, she just cut her hair so she’s a bit unrecognizable now.”

You felt a pain shoot through your stomach in jealousy. “Oh, her ex?”

“Yeah. I think they’re talking again. After you left the party, she came by and they disappeared for a couple minutes.”

You felt sick. Ellie used you and knew how much it meant to you to have sex. You got up quickly, the chair scraping across the floor loudly. Ellie turned her head from across the room, staring at you in confusion.

“I-I forgot,” you said. “I forgot I was supposed to help Sadie with something for bible study.”

Dina cocked an eyebrow at you. “Sadie’s on patrol?”

You smacked your face with your hand. “Shoot, you’re right. That’s next Saturday. Nevermind. I do need to go, though. My head is beginning to hurt again. I think I need a nap. It’s starting to get busy and all the chatter is killing me.”

“You alright?” asked Dina with concern.

“I’ll be okay. I’ll take a nap and feel better.”

“Let me know if you need anything. Oh, and come by tomorrow around noon! I wanna know what you and Ellie are gonna talk about tonight.”

You said nothing to Dina, spinning around to leave. As you walked out, you could see through the window that Ellie was at Dina’s table, leaned over and talking to her. You turned away and sped up so you could get home quickly. 

-

You stood at the mirror on your door, looking up and down at your outfit. You wore your normal baggy clothes so Ellie wouldn’t get any ideas when you went over to talk to her. You grabbed your coat as you exited the door and headed down the steps. Ellie was just two blocks over but you knew you would be freezing to death before you got there. You shoved the jacket on and started walking down the road, your thoughts running rampant as you figured out what’d you say. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ellie looked at Cat as they spoke. The more you thought about it, the more you thought about the way Ellie looked in your eyes as she hovered over you. You got close to Ellie’s home and shook those thoughts away, mumbling a quick prayer to yourself so you would stay strong and stay on track.

You knocked on Ellie’s door and waited for her to open it. You heard shuffling inside and then the knob turned, revealing Ellie in a tank top and jeans. You looked down at her exposed tattoo then back up at her face. She wore a shit-eating grin as she stepped aside to let you in. You brushed past her, throwing yourself on her couch in irritation.

“What’s wrong?” asked Ellie, coming to sit next to you. “Mad that I didn’t say hi earlier? Is that it?”

You scooted away from her and refused to look at her. “No,” you muttered.

“Aw, talk to me, pretty girl.” 

She reached out to grab your thigh but you smacked her hand away. You stood up and towered over Ellie, glaring at her sweet face. “I-I came here originally to tell you that maybe we shouldn’t have sex again!” you declared. Ellie leaned back, an amused look on her face. “I told myself that I would wait for marriage. My virginity was important to me, Ellie.”

“So… you’re upset that you had sex before being married?” questioned Ellie, still looking entertained about what you were saying.

“I was at first! I prayed and cried, begging God to forgive me. Mostly prayed that He’d forgive me for blaspheming Him. But now I feel stupid for losing my virginity to you,” you explained bitterly.

Ellie frowned. “You didn’t enjoy last night?” she asked in a mocking tone.

“You don’t want me. You’re talking to Cat again! And I’m angry that I was a fool to think you really wanted me. You just wanted in my pants so that you could say you made the good Christian girl go back on her morals, made her give herself to you completely! Just another thing to brag to your friends about.”

Ellie broke out into laughter. “This is about me having lunch with Cat?” She almost couldn’t believe it. You were jealous and assuming something was going on between her and Cat all because you saw them two together.

“Well, you’re sleeping with her again aren’t you?”

“No,” Ellie scoffed. “Who put that idea in your head anyway? Dina?”

“When I left the party, what happened?”

Ellie felt like she was being tested. She hated feeling that way. She only fucked you once and you were already testing her as if you two were in a relationship.

“Cat came by and we talked,” Ellie replied honestly.

“Dina said y’all left the party for a couple minutes.”

“Exactly! I wouldn’t even say a couple minutes, it was probably less than a minute.”

“What did she want?”

“Really? Why does it matter?”

“I can’t sleep with you if you’re sleeping with her too,” you said.

“You’re gonna feel really stupid when I tell you why we met up today.”

You groaned, frustrated that Ellie was making you feel this way. You wished you ghosted her instead. If she wanted her ex, fine. But she was an idiot to think she could still fuck you on the side.

“She wanted advice on how to ask out the girl she’s been seeing.”

Ellie watched as your face turned red in embarrassment.

“You feel stupid, huh?” she teased, smirking at your mortified expression.

“Don’t,” you scolded. “Don’t even… don’t go back to that or I’ll leave.”

“I’m not being mean, baby. I’m stating a fact. C’mere… I know you’re sorry. I forgive you.”

You walked over to her, your knees almost touching hers as she sat up and brushed her fingers along your arms.

“I like that you were jealous. I like that you felt dumb for assuming shit. That’s all you are, my dumb puppy,” she spoke in a low raspy voice. She actually didn’t enjoy that you had gotten jealous. All you were to her was a fucktoy. Jealousy ruins her fun. Ellie decided to let it slide for the night, wanting nothing more than to fuck you until all you can say is a string of apologies for thinking bad of her.

You pulled your arms away, sighing at the loss of her touch but wanting to stand your ground.

“I am sorry, Ellie. But it doesn’t change the fact that we shouldn’t have sex anymore. I wanted to wait until marriage and I want to wait until marriage to have sex again. I messed up once and it’s okay but I cannot sin this way again.”

Ellie hummed, her finger lifting up your shirt slightly to stick it in the hem of your jeans. She slid it across your skin, looking up as your breathing got faster.

“But it felt so good to sin, didn’t it, baby?” she cooed.

“I refuse to confess that to you. God has already forgiven me. I mean it.”

“Then make me stop.”

Ellie started to unbutton your pants, sliding them down around your ankles. She chuckled at the sight of your soaked panties. “You want this as much as I do,” she taunted.

You watched as she pulled them back up. “But if you really don’t want to… well, I won’t make you. But it makes me sad. I had so much planned for tonight.”

You fought with yourself internally as a part of you was desperate for her to take them off again and touch you. You hadn’t moved an inch, not even to button your jeans up. They were falling down slowly, too slow for your liking.

You knew it was wrong but decided it would be okay. All of your friends do it and they’re good people. You truly believed that there was no way that they would go to hell for having sex. They were the best friends you ever had. You never judged them for it so why would they judge you?

You hesitated before you spoke up. “W-What did you have planned?”

Ellie smirked devilishly. She knew you’d give in if she made you feel bad about it. While she realized it was wrong, she didn’t care because things were going her way.

“Follow me,” she demanded. She stood up and you walked after her, feeling nervous but in a good way. Ellie stepped inside her room and you admired the walls. There were so many posters and trinkets scattered over her dressers. In one corner of the room, she had a desk with papers all over it and a guitar next to it. Ellie was digging through her closet as you inched closer to read the papers. Before you could pick one up, Ellie dropped something which startled you. You spun around to see her eyeing you closely. She had thrown something back in the closet on purpose to gain your attention. She shook her head no, her eyes squinted into a glare. You backed away from her desk, choosing to sit on the bed instead.

“Atta girl,” Ellie complimented. She made her way over to the bed with a box. She placed it in front of you on the floor and you peeked in, gasping. 

“You’re gonna use all of that on me?”

She chuckled. “No, I want you to pick.”

“To put inside me?”

“For me to wear so I can fuck you properly,” she explained, her voice soft and almost condescending. She knew you had no idea what she meant and how she was going to use it. “Do you see this? It’s a harness,” she continued, holding it up to show you. “I wear it over my boxers and I’ll have whichever one you pick attached to it.”

You looked back in the box and started going through it, picking up different ones and making a face before putting it back in. “These are too big, Ellie,” you admitted. “I think it’ll hurt too much.”

“It’s supposed to hurt the first time, honey. Do you want me to take out the smallest one I have?”

You nodded and slid the box over to her. She reached in and grabbed one, passing it over to you. “It’s five and a half inches long,” she said. “Pretty average. Thick enough but not too thick. Is this okay?”

“It’s okay. Please be gentle, though,” you begged.

“What, you really think I’d be rough on you? I’m not gonna do that until you’re used to it, dummy. I’ll be real slow and gentle until you say otherwise. Although, I’ll probably keep it slow. Not sure if you deserve to be fucked hard. You did come in here accusing me of bullshit earlier.”

You pouted at Ellie, feeling that it was unfair for her to bring it up. Your pout went away though as you watched her take her shirt off. Your eyes followed her hands as she slowly unbuckled her belt and pulled it out of the loops. She shoved her jeans off and stepped out of them. Ellie walked over to you, smirking as you stared at her in awe. “Give it,” she whispered. You handed her the dildo. “Take off your clothes, pup. You wanna be ready for me once this is put together, don’t you?”

You obliged, standing up to discard your clothes as fast as you could. Ellie laughed softly at your desperation. You were completely naked by the time the strap was ready. Ellie stepped closer to you as you pushed yourself further up on the bed. You laid back on the pillow, Ellie now hovering over you. “Such a needy girl,” she murmured. “You’re so desperate for my cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Ellie,” you breathed. She looked down at your pussy, gliding her fingers along your thighs.

“I could touch you,” she began. “But do you really deserve that?”

“Y-You bullied me for years, Els, do you deserve to fuck me?” you said slightly above a whisper. You realized what you had said as Ellie’s face twisted into an expression of annoyance. “I-I didn’t mean it-”

“You meant it,” she interrupted. “You want to be a brat now baby? Now you really have to prove how sorry you are.”

“I am sorry!” you whined. You reached up to touch her but she smacked your hand away.

“I’m pissed because I can’t fuck you how I want to. If you continue to act like a brat by the time you’re adjusted to my cock, I’ll fuck the attitude right out of you. I’ll make a mess of you. A braindead little bitch with an aching cunt, crying because I won’t let you cum no matter how much you beg. Got it?”

You nodded, her threats turning you on even more. You liked when she called you a good girl but you also enjoyed the side of her that was angry with you. You couldn’t wait until you got used to getting fucked with a strap so that she could do whatever she wanted with you.

“Use your words,” she demanded.

“I got it, Ellie.”

“Good girl. You want me to continue?”

“Yes please,” you answered.

“God, you’re so beautiful when you’re like this,” said Ellie, going back to being soft and sweet with you. She began to press the tip of her dick to your clit, a soft gasp escaping your lips. “Does that feel good, pup?”

“Mhm!” you moaned in agreement. “S’ good, Ellie!”

“Do you want more or do you want me to put it in?”

“In,” you responded eagerly. 

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“If you need me to stop or go slower or anything like that, tell me,” she said as she lined her cock up with your entrance. “Are you ready?”

You nodded. Ellie leaned closer so that her face was right in front of yours to watch your reaction. She slowly pushed into you, making you yelp in pain.

“Sh, just like that baby,” Ellie whispered in a raspy voice. “It’s okay. You can take it.”

Ellie kept it inside you for a few seconds so you could adjust to the feeling before she started to thrust into you gently. You whined in both pain and pleasure, loving the feeling of Ellie’s strap inside of you.

“Good girl, you’re taking it so well.”

Ellie kissed you softly as you wrapped your arms around her. Your nails dug into her back, scratching her with every thrust. Ellie rolled her hips at a steady pace, talking you through it until you reached down and tugged at her waist.

“You want more baby?”

“Please, go harder.”

Ellie went harder but still kept the slow pace, watching as your eyes squeezed shut from how good it felt. “Fuck,” Ellie moaned, the sound of your wet pussy making her throb. “You feel good, pup? Is your cunt adjusting well to my cock? Hm?”

“Yes,” you whimpered. “I-I want you to go-to go faster, Els. Please!”

Ellie grinned at your pleading and sped up, hitting all the right spots inside of you. You moaned louder, gripping Ellie’s shoulders and crying out her name.

“Yeah? You like that, honey? Tell me how good it feels,” said Ellie between grunts.

“Fuck it feels s-so good! I’m about to cum, please let me cum!” you begged.

“Such a good little slut, asking for permission. Cum for me like the good girl you are, my good girl,” Ellie growled.

She plunged deeper into you and faster, watching your face as you squealed and whined. Your orgasm took over your body, making you scream out Ellie’s name. Ellie slowed down as you trembled beneath her.

“Atta girl,” she praised. 

She pulled out of you and laid back on the bed beside you, turning on her side to watch you catch your breath.

“Was that okay? Did I hurt you?”

You looked over at her and shook your head. “It stung at first but I got used to it. It felt really good,” you uttered between breaths.

“Good, I got a bit too carried away at the end but you seemed to enjoy it.”

You giggled. “Yeah, I did like it when you were rougher.”

“Noted,” Ellie said as she reached over to her drawer, opening it and pulling out an already rolled blunt. She lit it up and offered it to you but you declined.

“I can barely think, Ellie.”

Ellie shrugged and puffed on it, blowing it out away from you. “Suit yourself, doll.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Ellie nodded. “I was wondering… if maybe you could teach me how to touch you?”

“No,” Ellie said almost too quickly. “I can get myself off when you leave. You can stay until I finish this.”

“Oh, I’m not staying the night?”

Ellie shook her head no. You sighed, realizing that you had to walk home with weak legs.

“Why won’t you teach me?” 

“Teach you what?”

“Um, teach me how to touch you? I don’t think it’s fair I cum and you don’t,” you stated.

“I don’t do that unless I’m in a relationship with that person.”

“Well, something will come out of this probably so you might as well show me now!” you said as you laughed. You saw the confused expression Ellie made, your smile faltering. “I mean, it is going to, isn’t it?”

“It’s going to what?”

You sighed in frustration, getting mad that Ellie was playing dumb. You knew her better than that. Ellie was a smart girl but would fight her way out of admitting something she didn’t want to. You raised up and grabbed your clothes, suddenly feeling embarrassed and nauseous. “I feel so stupid,” you whispered to yourself. “I should just go.”

“Hey, I want you to stay until I finish my joint so I can walk you out.”

“Such a gentleman, Ellie,” you spat back sarcastically.

“What was that? Did I not just let you cum on my cock after you insulted me earlier? I wasn’t going to let you but I did out of kindness. You should watch your tone with me, church girl, because I won’t be so nice next time.”

“You’re fucking me but don’t plan on having anything with me at some point?” you asked as you stood up. You tumbled a bit due to how shaky your legs were but you tried your best to not let it show. “You could’ve told me.”

Ellie scoffed. “I’m just havin’ fun. I didn’t realize you would want this to be a relationship.”

“I assumed you knew because of how I am. I’m a Christian who dates to marry,” you argued.

“Right, just like you assumed I was fucking Cat again all because you saw us sitting together. Relax, I don’t know where this will go. I like fucking you and I plan on fucking you as often as I can. Not if you’re gonna let your feelings get in the way, though.”

You rolled your eyes and started to get dressed. Ellie continued to smoke her joint while she observed you. “I already know you’re gonna say this is the last time,” Ellie continued. “But you’ll come back. I know you will. I think you need me.”

“What I need is to go home and sleep. I also need you to leave me alone,” you mumbled.

“When I show up to your door tomorrow night, are you really gonna turn me away?”

“Bye, Ellie,” you said as you started to walk away.

“Wait,” Ellie stood up and put her joint out. She slid out of the harness and threw it on the bed, grabbing her tank top and shoving it on as she chased after you. You were almost at the door when she jogged in front of you, opening it for you. “I’ll see you tomorrow, pup,” she said in a teasing tone.

“Fuck you.”

You walked out, Ellie still at the door to watch you go. “You’re gonna regret that tomorrow!”

[a-stars-art-blog]

Shitposts + serious WIP (?) comic

2nd shitpost inspired by @euporie-art ‘s tags on one of my other shitposts lmao

Tangent about the jail scene here ⬇️⬇️⬇️

It’s been rattling in my brain whyyyy Barok faces away from Albert in this scene

It’s an obviously deliberate decision so it got me thinking. Now unless someone already did an amazing analysis about this, please ignore this so I don’t look stupid and send me it instead fjskakak

TL;DR exactly what the comic said

Highly doubt Barok was so upset at Albert as to not face him (at least not too much). He DID go visit him actually, which is something Albert didn’t even predict. (Take that as you will). Barok could still be upset with Albert but I don’t see him as the type to turn his back to him like this.

My initial thought could be that Barok didn’t want Albert to see how grumpy and gloomy he’s become but I figured since he knew they were gonna see each other soon anyways, there’d be no reason to avoid it (unless he wanted to avoid a barrage of questions/concerns from Albert)

It’s like,,,what possible reason could there be that doesn’t make you think “well they were about to see each other in court in, like, less then 24 hours so what was the point?”

That’s when my thought train decided to go away from “Barok personal self-loathing” reason to “Barok personal something else” reason

Why would Barok not want to look at someone he considers a friend, especially one in a tough situation? Maybe, I thought, bc it would be to painful for him

When they were in uni, they probably had high hopes for each other. To expect the other to do great things, be great people, be famous. Imagine 10 years later you find out your buddy is in JAIL??? That’s probably very heartbreaking. I wouldn’t blame him for not wanting to see someone he holds in high regards in a cell. But he’s still gonna be a good friend and visit him anyways <3

Okay another thought that JUST popped into my head!! Barok not wanting Albert’s image of him to change just yet.

Up until just recently, Albert had nothing but positive and nice things to say about Barok. He hadn’t talked to him in YEARS so his image of Barok is still of “the little darling”/varsity days.

Albert was probably the only person closely connected to Barok that still held that image. And Barok probably knew that. I think it’d be incredibly tragic if Barok wanted someone to still believe in him. To have someone who still saw him as nothing but good and hopeful. A bright man with a bright future. Albert seeing his face and seeing that brightness gone away would probably make him understand something’s gone horribly wrong.

Of course, them seeing each other is inevitable but Barok prolonging it is still a painful thought. The fact Barok prolonged their face to face meeting at all is really sad :(((

But bright side is that Albert never commented (initially) on his appearance. Just his mean behavior lol and I actually really really appreciate how their friendship was never really put into question. They never had a conversation where they were like “hey you’re scary now” or “hey I’m scary now” “we should probably stop being friends” they’re both fucked up <3 but it’s still fun to imagine that “what if”

Anyways all this to say that Barok cares so much about Albert that even his actions that look cold and heartless, actually come from a deep place of love and respect holy shit????

That or he’s just a tsundere

[ollycohens]

oh no you guys. i’m going to spew things i’ve realized while rewatching umbrella academy. I’m realizing were all being too sucked into fanon things after being stuck without canon content for so long. We have convinced ourselves Five acts like a mean mean dude to everyone but rewatching, i’ve realized he’s only stressed and is saying things out of panicked anger, especially in s1 with the apocalypse dooming over them. he acts soft to his siblings multiple times, he’s really not as mean as we write him in fanfiction. he is a little crap though, that’s for sure, and i love him for that <3

also realizing that the siblings don’t hate five. they just literally don’t know him at all. he came back a completely different person after 17 years for the siblings, they don’t know five, he’s a stranger so of course they’re gonna be cold to him. it’s like, “i don’t know you well, but you’re always going to be my brother in the end”.

ALSO. for those who ship some of the siblings, uhm… i’ve seen a lot of you guys try to prove that they don’t see eachother as siblings and more like academy students, but they very much say in just about every episode that they see eachother as siblings. they don’t actually SAY that word by word but they say things like “she’s our sister”, or “our dad”. if they say OUR dad… bro. i’m not even going to continue, you can put it together yourself. But, i do realize why people ship the siblings. I am not defending incest shippers but with umbrella academy i can see why people have resorted to it. only 3 of the characters in the main sibling cast has romantic partners. people like shipping people, people love writing romantic relationships, but with only diego/lila, dave/klaus, and sissy/viktor, (i’m not going to count five/dolores for now) people are desperate with the need to ship the rest of the siblings with someone, and since there are only a few actual canon characters in the show that interact with our main 7, people start shipping them together… yikes. anywho, that’s all for that peice. i blame the show writers as well for shipping luther/allison, they did not have to do that, but i’m hoping it was only to convey the severity of what childhood trauma does to people.

ALSO THIS HERE SHOOK ME. I actually think Reginald cares for the siblings. i hate to say it, but it��s true. caring for them does not mean being good, though. he was a horrible father, and person, but he genuinely did care for the siblings, in a like, “being the best is the best thing for you, i will make you better, for your sake, even if you don’t know it now, you will see that i am right” kind of way.

also why has NOBODY MENTIONED THIS. in season 2 when diego first reunites with five in the asylum, while he’s walking into the visitors room, he’s staring at five with this heartfelt, soft look, and then says “five…” in the most soft spoken voice ever 😭 your honor i love them

ALSO UGHHH THIS. IM GOING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT CAMERAWORK AND METAPHORS HERE SO BARE WITH ME. we as a fandom complain about the lack of flashbacks five has due to his ptsd. we’ve seen his first flashback since getting back to his family in s1 during the van scene when he gets triggered by those kids playing and starts thinking about his own childhood, i’m guessing. i ate that scene up, and was sad to see that be one of the only deeply vulnerable scenes he has in the season, and during my first watch i thought they’d never bring it back up. but they do!! i may be stupid for not realizing but whatever. in season 2, when five is trying to explain at elliot’s with all his siblings around that another apocalypse is coming, everyone starts talking about each other. as someone who studies film and camerawork, i love this scene. we see the camera focus on five as it slowly zooms in. it doesn’t switch scenes at all as the siblings voices overlap and echo over eachother. this whole scene conveys him getting overwhelmed and he starts to zone out, starting to think of the nuclear war he saw his siblings in. the scenes of the war start quickly switching through, showing many different scenes of it before it switches back to five, who says “guys, you all die. i want to forget it but i can’t” which just UGH its so well done there. if you think about it, he was starting to slip into another flashback. he was triggered by talking about their deaths in the war but was handling it well until the siblings started fighting, where we see the overlapping voices happen. it portrays him losing control and being unable to pull it back together with too much going on for him to focus on grounding himself. we DO however, see that five was able to pull himself out before he fell too deep into the flashback. i love how they show this through them still having the scene showing the war, but then fives voice starts talking over the scene which is still focusing on the war as if he was pushing it back and forcing himself to come back to the present.

thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far, i will continue to freak out another time <3

[admirationandromantics]

Rivalry part 2

Maybe putting ideas in your heads? Anyways, this is part two of the rivalry thingy with Josh Washington. Too many people wanted this, and it was like half of the requests I had in my inbox, so please, enjoy. Btw! This is 18+ (as is my blog).

You can find part one here: Part 1 I Part 2

Word count: 4,2 k (Unedited)

He walks down to the others, and I smirk at the thought of his sisters berating him for yelling at me. Karma Josh… it’s sweet isn’t it? I walk over to the bathroom, cleaning myself up and splashing cold water in my face. I hate that he gets me all worked up. Even after we’re done, I still feel him on my skin. Scratching, ripping, stroking. Who knew anger and passion were such similar feelings. 

A loud bang on the door wakes me up from my thoughts. I am quick to put on my shirt again and dry my face. 

“Give me a minute!” I yell through the door, trying to be fast while not messing up my makeup. Though it might already be a bit smudged, I can blame it on other things. 

“No, you let me in right now!” Emily shouts through the door. She sounds mad. That’s never good. I have to let her in. Worst case scenario, she throws me out a window and leaves me in the snow to die. The thought sends shivers down my spine, and I have to comply with her request. 

I unlock it, but before I can twist the knob, the door flies open and she runs inside, slamming the door behind her. She doesn’t waste time, locking it and turning to me, holding her finger up to my face. I must’ve done something horrible for her to act like this. She slowly walks over to me and I carefully step back, awaiting the bomb to fall. 

“You have something you need to tell me” she hisses, her finger only centimetres from my nose. 

“I’m sorry Em, have I done something?” I whisper, fear coating my vocals. This cannot be good. I’m gonna die in this ridiculously expensive bathroom. 

“Hell yeah you have done something, something extreme!” she shouts and I look around confused. What the hell did I do? 

“Oh don’t give me that look” she sighs, a slight playfulness to it. It sounds scary. I open my mouth to say something but my words fail me. I don’t know what she’s talking about. 

“Don’t you think I know that you’re fucking Josh” she states, and I can feel the blood leave my face. How? How did she know? We’ve been careful, going away and staying quiet (for the most part). And we hate each other, no less. There’s no point denying it. When Em knows something, you never try to gaslight her. It won’t work. 

“How did you know?” I ask, actually curious. And a little embarrassed. 

“Well it’s obvious” she starts, lowering her finger and sitting down on the chair beside the sink. 

“What? So everybody knows?”

She laughs, shaking her head and leaning back. 

“Everybody know there’s something, but they don’t know you’re fucking. Calm down girlie”

I exhale, feeling some of the tension in the room lift. At least not everybody knows, and that’s good. 

“So how did you find out?”

“How do you think?” 

I try to imagine a scenario that would make her, alone, find out, but I can’t. Luckily, she breaks the silence, tired of waiting on me to figure it out. 

“Let’s just say… 4.0 Honour roll, I’m smart. You already know all this” she says, waving her hand dismissively. 

“And don’t worry. I don’t plan on breaking the little freak show you two got going on. Might even be too freaky for me” 

“Fine Em, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I mean, why would I want to, it’s Josh for goodness sake” I smile, thinking about the whole ordeal. If it weren’t for our differences… 

“Look, I’m not gonna tell you what to do” she starts, and I sit down, listening to her. “But you guys got something going. If you can get each other riled up only through anger, that’s one thing”

I wait for her to continue, wondering if this has some other plot she’s hesitating to bring up. 

“How about you two tried being nice to each other?”

I snort, laughing my ass off at the idea. 

“Josh being nice? That’s not gonna happen”

“It might”

“And how am I going to do that? He nitpicks on everything I do, whether it’s cooking, gaming, drinking, breathing or whatever!”

Emily smiles at me, waiting for me to stop rambling. Her idea is not bad, and it would be great to hang with the group without being caught up in a fight or argument all the time. 

“I’m just saying, you should try. Kill him with kindness” she whispers again, and I sigh loudly. He’s gonna taunt me, make a fool out of me. 

“And that’s coming from you?”

“Need to see someone else do it before I consider it. And, it’s not the worst thing you’ve done”

“That’s right… I did Josh”

“And that’s an example of what you shouldn’t say” 

“Fine, sorry” I hold my hands up in defeat, standing up and unlocking the door. She stands up as well, giving me a knowing look before walking out. I follow, getting down to the living room. 

Everyone is still there, and the mood has lightened since last time, and I take a seat beside Jessica. They’re still playing with cards, drinking and talking. Sam, Ashley and Hannah are off in the corner, giggling about something, and Chris is shuffling cards for everyone at the table. 

“Care to join?” he asks me, looking up expectantly. 

“I’m in” 

We play for a while, before Josh walks in with Beth. I don’t know what they’ve talked about. Maybe he’s gotten berated again. The thought makes me smile, but Emily nudges me, knowing what I’m thinking about. I look back down at my cards. This is a bad hand. 

“I fold” I state, putting them down. There was no way I would win this round, so might as well not bet. Beth walks over to Sam and the others, while Josh moves over to us. He looks over the table, taking in everyone’s position in the game. 

“No way you’ve won twice. Got more than two brain cells?” he taunts, and I have to fight myself from rolling my eyes. Jess sighs, knowing the storm that’s about to come, but I don’t let it. Instead, I put on a smile and glance up at him. 

“I’ve actually won three rounds, Washington. You’re welcome to join us if you want”

The room suddenly falls silent, everyone looking in our direction. Ashley whispers something to Hannah, and both Mike and Matt are furrowing their brows in confusion. Emily is holding her hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing, but the most surreal reaction is from Josh himself. He can’t take his eyes off me, eyes narrowed and mind twisted in confusion. He’s probably wondering where my spirit went, where all the anger had gone. 

To fuel the situation even more, I pat on the seat next to me, signalling for him to sit down. 

“In or out?” I ask, giving him some doe eyes for extra effect. He still glares at me, not necessarily in a bad way, but definitely in a confused one. People return to their conversations, probably talking about what just happened. Our usual banter, all out of balance. He keeps looking at me, mouth slightly open. I give him a sugar-sweet forced smile before turning back to the cards, waiting for the next round. 

The rest of the night goes as planned. Josh makes small comments here and there, but I skillfully avoid getting angry. It actually feels great being the bigger person, especially when his reactions are more visible than any other feelings he’s ever shown. I know he gets more and more aggravated, and I fuel it by just being nice. Maybe I should consider becoming a kind person? 

At this point, half of the group have gone to bed, and I sit on the sofa, opposite of Josh, talking to Chris and Sam. I feel the exhaustion of the night come over me, but still feel restless and anxious. I need a cup of tea or something before going to bed. Or maybe a bath?

“Hey Sam?” I start, grabbing her attention. 

“Hm?”

“You took a bath earlier today, right?”

“Yeah, it’s drained and cleaned now, don’t worry” she shrugs, waving her hand like it was obvious that she cleaned after herself. That’s not what I wanted an answer for though. 

“So there’s hot water?” She laughs at my question, and only then do I realise how dumb it is. 

“Yeah, yeah, loads” 

“Then I’ll be on my way. Enjoy your night!” I walk up the stairs, lifting my hand in a backwards wave. The bathroom is dark, and just for comfort, I light a couple of candles while the water’s going. I washed my hair this morning, and would prefer it not to get wet again. I take a hair clip and fasten it. I don’t bother taking off my makeup yet. I’ll do it when I brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Right now, I’m gonna soak for at least an hour. I undress quickly, shivering from the cold air of the lodge. Luckily for me, the bath is warm and smells great. I get in, slowly getting used to the warmth. It’s almost burning my skin, perfect temperature. 

As I lean back and breathe, my muscles finally relax. They’ve been tense all day, especially after my last intimate encounter with Josh. I look over my body in the see-through water. I haven’t noticed just how many marks he’s left. All over my legs, thighs, stomach, chest, arms… It’s unbelievable that no one noticed. Well, everyone except Emily. A couple of loud knocks interrupts my thoughts. 

“It’s open, but I’m in the bath!” I yell. Everyone must’ve gone to bed by now, so it’s probably someone who wants to use the toilet. 

“There’s another bathroom on the other opposite side of the hall!” I add, turning back to the water and closing my eyes. Please just go, I’m having the time of my life. The door opens, and I shift my head, glancing over at a certain brunette walking in and closing the door. My hands immediately move to my body, covering myself as best as I can. Right now I wish I had some bubbles and foam in here to help me. 

“Relax, nothing I haven’t seen before” he smiles, locking the door behind him. 

“This is different” I start, turning back around and sighing. I feel his body come up behind me, head resting on my shoulder and breath against my ear. 

“Tell me that you want me to go, and I’ll go” he whispers. His voice sends shivers down my spine, my heat warming up as I think about his kisses. As a reply to my silence, he starts kissing my neck, leaving small bites everywhere, though not as hard and rough as usual. 

“This is just…” I sigh and give small moans from his caresses, unable to control myself. “This is too intimate for us Washington” 

“And what if I say that there’s much more intimate things we can do?” he teases, lips featherlike up to my earlobe, nibbling. I hear his belt fall to the ground, before he stands up and walks to the side of the bathtub. 

The air is filled with something different. Maybe it’s the scented candles, fire, hot water, dim yellow lights… Something is not like usual. This is romantic, this feels more real. We haven’t built up the usual tension like we’ve done before. This encounter is purely because of lust and want, not a convenience or deal. He didn’t have to come here tonight, but he did, confident that I would let him. 

He stands before me, naked and vulnerable. His tan skin and toned body are intensified by the candlelight, which highlights every curve of him. I take him in, feeling like I’m seeing him for the first time. Finally seeing him. 

My breath quickens as he gets in the bath, leaning over and meeting my lips. It’s not hatred, it’s not a tension-reliever, but rather soft and caring. I lean into him, slowly making my way over, and sitting on his lap. The kiss deepens, tongues dancing in a waltz. His hands travel down from my waist to my high, slightly grabbing. He rubs soft circles, nothing like what he’s done before. 

“Still hate me?” he asks, breathy and tired. He looks up at me, a pinch of hurt in his eyes. I don’t know what to say. Of course I do, but not right now. My arms are twisted around him, fingers gracing the curve of every muscle on his shoulders and back. 

“I-I never hated you” I manage to whisper back. “Like you said, it’s all part of that horrid game” 

“Is this part of it?” he asks, more determination in his voice. I wish I had an answer for this, I truly do, but what is it? Yes, this only happened because I conducted an experiment, and my hypothesis was wrong? Turns out you want to fuck me either way, though more in a gentle manner? 

“Josh, listen. I got it in my head that we would stop fighting if I just took the high road. It would be more comfortable for everyone. But you’re still here. You came here tonight and I don’t know why”

He doesn’t answer, only looking at me in shock. Did I say something wrong again? His mouth is slightly ajar, lips parted and red from our previous session. God how I want to kiss him. 

“Did I say something wrong?” 

“You said my name”

My chest tightens in realisation. I did. I did say his name. But he acts like the world has ended because of it. I need some kind of answer, some acknowledgement that he got everything I said after it too. 

“Say it again” he pleads, pulling me closer and leaving small kisses all over my collar. 

“Josh, we need to talk about this…” I sigh out, feeling his dick grow in response. 

“Please” he begs, and I let out a small moan as he nibbles at the skin of my chest. “Say my name and I’ll do anything for you, tell you everything you wish for” 

“Fuck, I-” I begin, feeling myself heat up from his words. 

His hand moves to my folds, sliding over them up to my clit. I give a small moan in response, grabbing his shoulder harder for support. 

“Please” he pleads again, pathetic and breathless. As his fingers start rubbing, I moan out his name, and his breathing suddenly quickens. His other hand moves up my body, past its usual place on my throat and to the back of my head, tangling in my hair. He pulls my face back on him, capturing my lips in a needy and lustful grace. 

I break away from him, still waiting for his response to my previous comment. He gives a small whine at the sudden emptiness. 

“Why did you come here tonight?”

His brows furrow a little, but only for a moment. Then, he starts laughing. A genuine one which leaves me in confusion. Why is this funny? Unless… 

If Emily knew, some others might too. Jess is definitely good at picking up these sorts of clues. Did they talk to him, getting me in this position just to humiliate me? Was this all a prank? I ask him a genuine question, and he breaks out, unable to answer. 

I stand up, getting out of the tub. I was not gonna be the sore loser of another prank. A wave of realisation goes through Josh as he understands what I’m doing. He stops laughing, immediately shifting to face me. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Out” I state, irritated and vulnerable. This was not okay, playing with my feelings. 

“What happened, why are you being like this?” he asks, confused. His tone hurts me a little, though not as much as the thought of being part of this little scheme. 

“I’m not gonna be the laughing stock of this little thing. I don’t know if you’ve talked with Emily or Jess or someone else, but this…” I point to and fro the both of us. “This is over, whatever it was. No sex, no feeling, no nothing. I’m done” 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Fuck this and fuck you Washington!” I yell at him, as I grab my clothes and walk out. I feel tears at the corners of my eyes, begging to be released to my cheeks, free to roam my face. I did the right thing. We can’t keep going like this forever. It’s a hassle for us, and it’s a bother to others. The relationship had gotten too intimate for me, for our situation. I felt a certain way, and not getting a response from him deeply hurt me. 

“Wait!” I hear from the bathroom, and I walk over to my room, locking the door and laying down in my bed. A knock is heard on my door, but I don’t answer. 

“Please, sorry about the reaction, I’ll tell you everything, just open”

I give in, pulling the towel closer to my body and unlocking it. I open it slightly, not too wide. He doesn’t force himself in, just stands there waiting. I’m the first to talk. 

“You know, Washington, it’s late, we’ve both got caught up in the moment and we said some things and stuff. We’re both tired, a little tipsy, probably dehydrated…”

“I love you” he interrupts. I roll my eyes, done with his bullshit. 

“No you don’t, you can drop the act. I just can’t take all this back and forth anymore, it’s too much, please understand” 

“You’re such an idiot”

I look at him dumbfounded. What the fuck? 

“Excuse m-” before I can finish, he pulls the door open, walking inside and closing it behind him. His arms wrap around me, pulling me into his embrace. The sudden action leaves me breathless and wondrous. He’s half naked, wearing only a towel as well. 

“You are the one who wanted all that, and now you don’t” he starts explaining, and I keep quiet. “I know you adore me, from what I understood in there, you feel the same way”

“Washi-”

“Stop, don’t finish that word. I would never pull a stunt like this for a prank, especially considering how hurt Hannah got last year because of it” 

I look down his back, hands urging to touch him, to feel him on me. 

“Then what was so funny?” 

He takes a deep breath, pulling away, smiling. 

“The fact that you can’t solve a simple equation” 

“Which is?”

“That I love you, and I know you do too. That’s why I came tonight” 

I’m stunned, mesmerized by his words, enchanted with his presence. His lips meet mine once again, and I let him devour me. I melt into his touch, sparks igniting on our skin. The cold air hits our warm bodies, shivers bolting throughout. He deepens the kiss, inviting his tongue and moving us to the bed.  

Instead of shoving me down alone, his body follows, laying on top of me and pressing me into the soft sheets. One of my hands tangles in his hair, grabbing it roughly to get him closer. The other goes to undo his towel, letting it fall and throwing it on the ground. He does the same, unwrapping me in a painfully slow manner. He takes in the view, me laid underneath him, completely at his mercy without disobeying or complaining. 

“You’re beautiful” he whispers, head moving to my neck, leaving kisses and vibrations against my skin. I give a moan in response as his hands find their way to my breasts, grabbing harshly. He’s never complimented me like this before. It’s real, genuine. 

His dick slides up and down my folds, coating itself in my wetness. I want him, the whole of him. I start trying to grind closer to him, but he gets further and further away instead. He kisses down my stomach, head making its way down to my heat. He pulls my thighs over his shoulders before taking one of my hands in his. I can only see the top of his head as he leans down, followed by a long lick over my folds. I moan, legs shaking as he finds my clit, sucking and licking small circles. Uncontrollable sounds leave my mouth as he keeps going, his other hand taking advantage of my dripping heat, inserting two fingers. 

“Fuck, Josh!” I whine, feeling the edge come closer. The knot in my stomach tightens, tension building up as I try to get over it. 

“Yes, please, keep saying my name like that” he whispers against my pussy, voice making vibrations against my clit. His encouraging words get me over, and I cry out as I finish all over his lips and fingers. I squeeze his hand as my legs keep shaking around his head. He doesn’t stop though, letting me ride out my orgasm on his fingers, eyes completely mesmerized by the vision in front of him. He continues his attack, tongue finding its way back to my spot and leaving small movement. I cry out in pleasure as I come again, embarrassingly fast. I look down at him. And he’s shocked by his own skills of effectiveness. 

“Well, I did know you were into me. Surprised by how much” he purrs, leaning back up to my face, capturing my lips. I taste myself on his mouth, lips drenched in my juices. 

His dick keeps running up and down my folds, and I shiver from stimulation. 

“I need you” I whisper to him, and he obliges. He’s harder than he’s ever been before, being teased and excited for way too long. He slowly lets himself into me, pushing carefully till he’s all the way in. I whine, killing a moan that almost escaped my lips. He looks down, facing me with concerned eyes. 

“Are you good?” I nod in reply, smiling at him and pulling him in for another kiss as he starts moving. He fills me up perfectly, reaching all the sides and spots, rubbing my walls with a passion unlike ever before. He grunts and moans, whines leaving his mouth as he moves. He’s been holding out since the card game, no wonder he’s desperate. 

I swallow his moans with my mouth, and he returns my favour. His hand grabs my thigh, lifting it higher to grant him better access. The action makes him go deeper, making me gasp in surprise at his length. My core builds up, and I clench around him as I come all over his dick. He keeps pumping, sloppy sounds and moans erupting throughout the room. He’s close, I can feel it. The overstimulation is overwhelming, and I plead with him. 

“Josh, please”

The mention of his name from my moaning mouth sends him over the edge, and he pulls out, coating me in the white liquid. It spills all over my throbbing and stingy heat, hurt from the overstimulation, and all over my stomach. Instead of leaving, like he always does, he leans down beside me, kissing my cheek. 

“I love you all covered up in me” 

“So much for a bath” I smile, turning my head and kissing his lips. “I’ll take endless baths with you” he smiles back, getting up and leaving the room. 

I’m hit with a sudden wave of sadness. I know he’s coming back, but the idea that he might not weighs down on me. My chest is still heaving, pulse slowly regulating itself. Just now, I realise how exhausted I am. Drinking since early hours, multiple sexual encounters, a bath, and now being the middle of the night. I try to get up, but my body won’t listen, simply too tired to move. 

The door opening again wakes me from my sleepy trance, and Josh walks in, cloth in one hand, a glass of water in the other. He sets it down on the nightstand before laying down beside me and cleaning me up. He’s never shown this much care before, and his sweet actions make my cheeks flush. He finishes quickly, taking hold of my body and dragging me up to the right side of the bed. After that, he holds the glass of water out to me, and I take it, drinking every last drop before placing it on the table again. 

He creeps under the blankets, throwing them over me as well and pulling my body into his. His head rests in the crook of my neck, and I cuddle into him in response. What are we gonna do tomorrow? How will this end? 

“Guess we’re not having hate-sex anymore” he says, kissing my neck. 

“As long as you don’t say anything stupid” I answer, voice barely over a whisper. I’m on the brink of passing out, but before I can, I feel his stupid, perfect smirk against my jaw.

[leashybebes]

I’m obsessed with the way you write - you’re so talented! I honestly can’t get enough!!!!! Can I be greedy and ask for 🏳️‍🌈 and/or 💭? Thank you for all the fantastic fics! 💖

oh gosh, thank you so much, you're so kind! and of course! 💕

💭 - here's a little more from Karen and Tommy's wine night

"It's horrible," Tommy says and Karen rubs his shoulder after a couple of false starts where she more just sort of plucks at the collar of his shirt. "He hates me, Karen."

Karen frowns. "Is he being mean to you?"

"He wants to leave," Tommy admits. "Wants to go to Texas. Eddie said not yet, but. I think he's gonna go. I can't - I can't blame him, but - "

The wine in Karen's glass sloshes dangerously. "What do you mean you can't - safe space, Tommy. Spit it out." Tommy takes a breath. Another. Bursts out, "He won't let me tell him about how we got back together and he won't talk to me about the break up and it's like he's not even there half the time and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

🏳️‍🌈 - and here's a little more from earlier in chapter 5, which is slooowly coming together and might even get posted tonight or tomorrow depending on how things go!

The bar is one of those places that only doesn't call itself a club because it's not big enough. The lights are low and the music is loud and Tommy buys them a couple of drinks at the bar. Tommy's practically vibrating with anticipation or nerves or both, and Evan feels like he needs to touch base to make sure he's okay.

"You good?" Evan checks as Tommy flags down the bartender for another round.

"Yeah. I'm good. Just, y'know. Liquid courage," Tommy says with a smile, and knocks back another shot. "Let's do it."

Evan grins at him and pushes away from the bar with a clap of his hands and Tommy gives him a wide-eyed look.

"Wait, you're actually gonna - you were gonna come in with me?"

"Sure! You might need - I dunno. I thought - yeah?"

[electricbathsalt]

I would like to clarify something:

My point was never that Chisaki didn’t do anything wrong, that he was innocent, or justified in any of the things he did. He’s horrible. He’s a horrible man who did horrible things.

My point was that he’s not actually any worse than the League of Villains, and that a lot of the fandom doesn’t bother properly understanding his character. So many people will say that he’s pure evil and that he was just born that way, when that’s… blatantly untrue? He clearly is a product of the environments he grew up in. You cannot convince me he would have turned out the same person had he had a different, better upbringing.

I’ve seen many people say that Chisaki is the exact same as AFO and Endeavor, while loving Shigaraki and saying he deserved better. Which is interesting, considering Chisaki is also canonically a victim of AFO, and as for with Endeavor, I’d say there’s quite a few pretty fundamental differences between the two:

One: Chisaki’s goals were not entirely for himself and his own prosperity and wants.

Two: Chisaki didn’t enter into an arranged marriage where he forced his wife to have multiple kids for the sake of his goal. It was not premeditated. Eri was dropped in his lap, and he made a plan based off of that.

Three: Chisaki was raised in the yakuza. Before Chisaki was in the yakuza, he was in one of AFO/Garaki’s orphanages, where it’s implied he was experimented on. His outlook on life, the world at large, and violence is going to naturally be extremely different from Endeavor’s due to how he was raised. Endeavor seems to have been born in a relatively regular civilian or hero family.

Four: Chisaki is half the age of Endeavor.

And I hope I don’t have to explain why Chisaki is not the same as AFO.

It’s shown that Chisaki is capable of love and care. The problem is that he never learned how to properly show those things. He never learned about the inherent value of human lives—he believes that being alive is something you must prove yourself worthy of.

Nemoto used his truth quirk on Chisaki, and Chisaki’s true feelings were that he likes Nemoto and finds his presence reassuring. Yet he doesn’t spare a second thought before killing him and fusing with him. He doesn’t exactly hesitate to put Pops into a coma, the person who he treasures most. It seems that Chisaki doesn’t equate caring about someone with not hurting them.

He doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself for the destruction of the Shie Hassaikai. He doesn’t care to go after Midoriya or the LOV for revenge. He seems to think violence is something expected, that it’s a given. That someone hurting you isn’t something to be mad about. People like to wave around Chisaki’s whole shtick of dehumanizing people and thinking of them as pawns, but they don’t realize that he doesn’t exclude himself from that. Yes, he likely believes himself to be the queen, but still ultimately a chess piece.

Chisaki isn’t a sadist. He’s never a jackass for the sake of being a jackass. We only “see” him smile once and firstly, we don’t even get to actually see it because it’s covered by his mask, and secondly, it’s a fake smile to try to throw Midoriya and Mirio off his trail. Yet I see people make him smile and revel in other people’s pain all the time, make him an asshole who likes tormenting people for the sake of it. That’s not Chisaki.

Chisaki is not worse than Dabi or Shigaraki. Chisaki is not “completely different” from them and ten times more evil. He is the same; he thinks how he does because of how he was brought up. He would’ve been different if his childhood was different. He is not less deserving of rehabilitation than the LOV.

Anyway. This is getting longer than I intended, so I’m just gonna cut it off there.

[starlightsams4]

Suns Trauma (Old Moon)

(I’m just gonna add a TW here if I get really pissed or heated up this is a pretty sensitive topic for me and it just pisses me off, also sorry if this becomes a bit of a vent )

ALSO TW FOR TOPICS OF ABUSE 

It infuriates me how much Sun's trauma gets overlooked. Honestly. This rant is mostly about the abuse he endured from old Moon because it disgusts me how easily people dismiss that kind of suffering. Old Moon was a TERRIBLE brother. He called Sun names, threatened to kill or hurt him, blamed everything on him, and put immense pressure on him. He even physically abused him. And yet, people just ignore this. It’s worse then it sounds— Having someone you trust completely threaten you, call you stupid, and actually hit you sometimes is AWFUL. It HURTS. Especially when it’s from someone you love!

I get that Moon had his own issues and needed someone to talk to and let anger out on, but dumping all of that on one person is not healthy. And let’s be real—Sun didn’t have anyone else to turn to. He only had Moon. And Moon had no idea what he was doing. Sure, Killcode influenced him, and he had built up anger and stress too, but Killcode never directly hurt Sun. That was Moon. Moon abused Sun.

And yet, people are more concerned about Lunar’s abuse, which, yes, was terrible, but remember: Lunar was with Eclipse for about a year, maybe less. Eclipse slapped Lunar only once if I right and called him names (also I think he threatened him a couple times). I’m not saying Lunar’s abuse wasn’t bad—abuse is abuse, and it’s always horrible. But Sun was punched, yelled at, threatened, and called names FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS (edit, it was confirmed Sun and moon were made 9 years ago. So athst around 7-8 years of abuse.). And somehow, Sun’s trauma gets ignored. It pisses me off. Lunar atleast had support too after the Eclipse situation. IT REALLY IS THAT BAD TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE CALL YOU NAMES AND THREATEN TO HURT YOU. It’s not something to shrug off! And this is only a fraction of what Sun went through.

(I am honestly finding out how much I kin sun by typing this WTF 0.o)

edit: it was just confirmed sun and moon were made 9 years ago. Meaning sun has suffered almost 8 years of moons abuse

[waynewifey]

aporia — b.w

part one : dear mr. wayne

part two: aftermath

part three: aporia

epilogue

sumary: aporia suggests “an impasse”, a knot or an inherent contradiction found in any text, an insuperable deadlock, or “double bind” of incompatible or contradictory meanings which are “undecidable”. [reference]

pairing: battinson/bruce wayne x reader

genre: drama & romance

warnings: mental health struggle, miscarriage, car crash, a lot of internal dialogue

word count: 2k

A/N: the more i write, the more i put myself in this story. i feel like this ‘you’ is so complex i can’t help but try to explain her further. part four will be bruce’s perspective on all of this + an epilogue. i’m so grateful for the amazing feedback given on the last two parts and for the new followers, thank you so so much. i hope you enjoy this. (also this gif??? HELLO???)

GOTHAM. USA.

— bargaining.

the uncomfortable silence makes you want to scream. she told you that was a normal reaction and they couldn't get rid of those moments, they were essential for your self reflection. the problem was being alone with your thoughts, even for just one minute. they keep deciding you won't recover any time soon. everyone keeps holding you like a cracked vase. even negligence was better than being put under the microscope.

"i don't know what you want me to say" you respond, your gaze anxiously shuffling between the objects in the room. the woman's eyes, however, don't ever leave your face. she holds that journal like a scientist analysing a mutation. like you're some weird thing.

"you should say whatever you feel like saying." that's what she always answers. dr. quinn was extremely stoic, even for a therapist. you still liked her, though, because her pragmatic approach helped you shift your point of view and see yourself from an outside perspective, which made you want to help yourself. after weeks of feeling extra irritable, still trying to forgive your husband for lying to you, you realised maybe everything was too much for you to handle by yourself. you wanted to go back to the real world but before that, you had to do this. a quick chat with your psychiatrist and he gave you the contact to harley quinn.

"i think i've been way too mean to bruce" your confession has her nodding, like that observation had been made sessions before and she was waiting for you to realise that. "he's been so supportive and helpful, but sometimes words just fly out of my mouth and i don't even mean them"

"do you think it's easier to blame him than to come to terms with what actually happened?" you can't answer, because this was all you've asked yourself lately. you were a coward, hiding behind his suffering to prevent confronting yours. it's easy to curse him, to reject him, but it's not what you want to do. lately it feels like you don't have any control over your emotions and actions. you thought maybe if you pushed away the last person that still cared for you, you could disappear in your loneliness and finally stop hurting. "y/n you've been through something terrible. the kind of thing we never think it's gonna happen to us. i know it doesn't feel real, but you have to face it that it is. the thing about trauma... you have to keep living with it. you have to keep going, because it doesn't go away. but this is your life and you don't get to stay on standby. you hurt the people you love because it's better than hurting yourself. you told me you feel bad about it, so why won't you change?"

why won't you? you don't even know where to start. it felt comfortable living in sorrow forever. horrible, but comfortable. again, it was in fact easier to blame him than to accept this was reality. but he's right outside, been waiting for you for two hours, as he has done twice a week for over a month. you weren't being fair to him. he didn't deserve this. dr. quinn sees the defeat in your eyes and sighs in a mission accomplished type of breath.

"think about this, okay? we'll talk on friday." you nod, as if you weren't already overthinking it.

bruce sees you before listening to you. he's created the habit to stay in the waiting room with headphones in, blasting loud music. he didn't want you to feel like he was prying on you. he also didn't want to listen anything you had to say about him. you had the right to be mad at him, given everything that had happened. he knew you didn't mean it when you bomb dropped the word 'divorce' every now and then. it would take you some time to get back to normal and he wouldn't rush you.

you walk to the car quietly and get into the driver's seat. he agreed to let you drive to and from therapy. the office was actually in dr. quinn's house, a little bit on the country side of the city, if you could call it that. it was a 50 minute drive with no traffic, roads empty enough for you to drift off in you thoughts. he watches you drive, eyes brightening up a little more everyday. he realised that trying to shield you from the world wasn't going to work out. you need to learn how to be on your own. he needs to learn how to care for you while away.

"i'm sorry," you caught him off guard, observing the curves of your face. he frowns at the unexplained sentence. you glance at him but look back at the road. "for the way i've been acting. for pushing you away. for being too complicated. i know you're trying to help… thank you for staying."

"darling, of course. for better or for worse, remember? i'm never leaving you. we're getting through this, together. and don't you worry about me, i'll be okay when you are too, alright? you're doing great, i can see how much you're working towards it." he holds out a hand for you and you take it, intertwining your fingers. his calloused palms are softer now, courtesy of the months without batman-ing. they still embrace yours entirely and warm the cold tips of your fingers.

"i love you" the sweetness of that feeling dominates your tastebuds and it's almost like the day you started dating. that innocent type of love that consist of the pure enjoyment of each others company. however, your attempt to savour the moment is ruined by a shape in your peripheral eyesight.

"i love you too" bruce's voice is muffled by the anxious thoughts taking over your mind. the panic starts to overflow. he notices your body getting stiff and the wheel looking loose on your hand. your breathing lost it's rhythm to creaking gasps. there's something wrong. your eyes are frozen in a vehicle. he's seen this van before. maybe not this one, but an identical one, in a security camera tape in court. it looks exactly like the one that took you. "baby, hey, hey. i'm right here." you don't pay any mind to the man beside you. you can't, not when your instincts are telling you to run. not when you can feel the gun getting knocked on your head over and over again. bruce is saying something. the tears are blurring your sight. this is too much.

he's calling you screaming at this point, tears are rolling down your cheeks and you still haven't looked away from the van. there's a bump coming up, the car is dangerously fast and you're not driving at all. he goes for the wheel but isn't quick enough. the tires wiggle, going in their own direction. the car changes lanes, getting in the wrong way of the street. another car is coming and the impact isn't light. your head is thrown forwards, the airbag covering your face. the windshield shatters and little pieces of glass get stuck in your hair. the crash isn't too bad, you're both still awake and only the front has been smashed. but you get out hyperventilating, falling onto the ground and weeping.

bruce gets out as well, only a scratch on the forehead. he has to kneel on the dirt to hold you up. for a while, he doesn't say anything. the other driver is standing, phone in the ear. he's also fine. the cars were the only damage. two other drivers stop by, offering help. you wish he could help you, but it seems as if there's something inherently wrong with you.

— depression.

the weeks following the accident were harsh. it took a while to get you believing in recovery again. you still weren't sure. somehow there was press at the site, so pictures of you crying next to a car crash made it to the papers. there's minor commentary online about you faking it for your husbands popularity. most of the netizens feel desperately sorry for you and have painted you to be their new princess diana, the comparison seems wild to you.

you only go online every three days or so, because you can't resist the urge to know what bruce hasn't been telling you. jokes on you, he's actually been a lot more transparent lately. you agreed that the batman would show up to the sentence of edward nashton, to pressure the jury with his presence. it worked and the criminal got life without parole. the lawyers said that your public presence impacted on his trial, as 20 years was the standard. you were just glad he wouldn't do that to anybody else ever again. the case got national and your family from outside the state, that you not-so-kindly kept in the dark, started making contact, victimising you all over again.

but things were getting better, gradually. it had been almost a year and it felt like that chapter of your life was finally being finished. you were trying to get your life back, including your driver's license. it was suspended for a while after the accident, so now you had to submit a bunch of medical records to prove that you were mentally fine to drive again. that's how you found yourself in bruce's home office, searching everywhere for your documents. you could've asked him where he put it, but he had just fallen asleep in the living room and you didn't want to disturb him.

in one of the desk's drawers, you find a folder with the local hospital logo on it. you open it, shuffling through the papers you've seen before. only one stands out, with "ob/gyn" on the top of the sheet. you wonder if there's anything helpful there. your eyes start reading the words one by one, listing the examinations they've done on you. the subject changes abruptly.

the ultrasound analysis reports the miscarriage of an unknown pregnancy to the patient's spouse.

you feel like you're about to throw up. the world starts spinning as you force yourself to continue to read.

the fetus was estimated to be in the development stage of the beginning of the second trimester. the miscarriage was most likely a result of several mechanical trauma. dilation and curettage was performed with the patient in a medically induced coma.

you try to remember to breathe in and breathe out just like dr. quinn taught you. you expect the tears but they don't come out. the panic doesn't come. it's suddenly so quiet. it's not like a hole has been punched through your chest, it's like you have no chest at all. it's like you don't even exist. you somehow sit down, your body does. you feel as if it's moving on it's own and you're just watching from afar. your thoughts sound so distant, so irrelevant. you can only think of the baby that had once been inside of you and you didn't even realised. you didn't have the time to love him. you've had him there, right there, the thing you wanted the most in the world and he was taken from you. everything was taken from you.

if a tree falls on a forest, and there's no one around to hear, does it still make a sound? it felt like your fall was silent.

[2rats1gogh]

I am disappointed with the way the show portrayed Blood and Cheese

[spoilers ahead for ep 2x01]

First of all, I fully understand the absence of Maelor and I’m not even mad about that. The choice between the two twins aka “which one is the boy” is good imo. Also, Phia is a great actress and I don’t blame her one bit for what happened to her character. She did the best she could’ve with what she was given. But the execution of all this? Meh.

1. Why did Helaena choose Jaehaerys, instead of Jaehaera? It would’ve made MUCH MORE SENSE for her to choose Jaehaera because she’s the girl. And then B&C would’ve killed the other twin, Jaehaerys, because they knew she would not give up the heir to the throne, king Aegon’s only son. Her choosing Jaehaerys takes away her guilt of living next to the child she named to die.

2. Why was the death of Jaehaerys so off screen? I’m not saying I wanted to see a six year old child be beheaded, in all it’s gory and graphic details, but I wish Helaena and Jaehaera were there to witness it. It was important for them to see it happening. It could’ve been just a silhouette, a shadow on the wall, or just Haleana’s expression of horror. Instead, she just runs away. It’s still sad, obviously, in its own way, that she wasn’t there for her son in his last moments, but again, that takes away from her guilt and eventual downfall into madness.

3. Why the fuck was this whole thing played off as a misunderstanding/accident? Of course the creators wanted to make Daemon look less evil, by making him tell B&C to kill Aemond instead. And I kinda liked the addition of one of them saying “what if we don’t find him?” and I expected Daemon to say something like “You can kill another son” or whatever, but then it just FUCKING CUTS AWAY? And now have to INTERPRET STUFF? So that no one can hold Daemon accountable because “technically we never saw him say that in the show!☝️🤓” Fuck this.

4. The Alicole sex scene fucking ruined the whole scene. I was hoping, praying even, that the leaks of Alicole having sex while Blood & Cheese happens was just a rumor, a theory. But no. The creators fucking decided to make them have sex while this horrible incident happens. Someone in that writing room said “You know what? Let’s have Alicent and Criston do the nasty as Aegon’s six year old child is brutally murdered and Helaena is being traumatized for life! That seems like a great idea!” AND THEY WENT WITH IT. That addition was just so fucking unnecessary. What was the fucking point of putting that in? Wouldn’t it be great if Jacaerys heard of the death of Lucerys first and then ran to Rhaenyra on Dragonstone to tell her that his brother was fucking murdered, only to find Rhaenyra having sex with Daemon? Like, why was Lucerys’ death so serious and tragic, and impactful, but then Jaehaerys’ death is overshadowed by Helaena running into her mother having sex with her lover? God, I’m so angry.

5. Helaena didn’t seem to be affected at all by the death of her son. “They killed the boy” and that’s IT? She didn’t cry her eyes out, didn’t scream, didn’t beg for B&C to kill her instead. She almost didn’t react at all. Her son, her baby, her six year old child, was just brutally fucking beheaded and the creators don’t even show her reacting to it? Rhaenyra showed more emotions when she found the clothes of her death son, and Helaena was like 🙁 when HER SON WAS BEING KILLED IN FRONT OF HER?? What the actual hell. And may I repeat, this is in NO WAY an attack on the actress, Phia. I think she still gave us an amazing performance, but it’s fucking obvious that the creators decided to go with the “oh well, she’s weird and distant, and cold and unemotional” narrative they made up. They won’t fucking allow her to grieve.

All those people writing that “Even GRRM was horrified by this scene!” or “This is gonna be like the Red Wedding!”… I was fucking lied to.

This whole sequence felt so short, and rushed, and unemotional… I am very disappointed, and sad. This was supposed to be one of the most important events of the entire Dance. They first actual innocent blood that was spilled. The event that led to Helaena going mad. The event that changed Aegon as a person and made him declare war on Rhaenyra and gave him motivation to repay Team Black for what they’ve done. It was supposed to be fucking important. And the show turned it into a four minute awfully paced scene with dumb additions and lots of unnecessary and easily avoidable changes.

[the-record]

YOU’RE GONNA GO FAR

SUMMARY: you’d wait up for the rest of your life for nelly.

PAIRING: nell jackson x readership

WARNINGS: honestly a homoerotic friendship bc duh!!! death and grief

A/N: disclaimer that i have no idea if these times and dates r accurate but used my best context clues!!! anyways i actually like this one a lot :))

‘YOU’RE THE GREATEST THING WE’VE LOST’

tottenham, 1698

you didn’t understand. she was leaving? with some man, captain jackson, none of you knew.

“but why?” you ask, feeling out of breath. “what about george and roxy?” your eyes fill with tears as you pace in-front of nelly. “what about me?” 

she stops you, grabbing your hands and pulling you in-front of her. she’s sitting on your bed, legs spread just enough to be ‘un-ladylike’. “george and roxy have pa, they’ll be fine.” her hands grip yours tighter than they ever have as she stares into your eyes. youre sure she can see your soul, can read your every thought. “and you’ll be fine. some fella will want you, im sure of it.” 

you scoff and shake off her hands. “i don’t want some fella nelly, i want you to be here!” you laugh as you shake your head in disbelief. “don’t know why i try, you wont listen anyways.” the sun sets slowly outside your window and you watch as it gets darker. “think you should be getting home.” nelly sighs like she wants to say more but you shake your head. “not a suggestion, go home.” 

she knows better than to fight you on it, no matter how much she wants to stay here and help you make sense of it. you avoid her gaze as she walks out, not responding to the quiet ‘bye’ she says as she leaves.

it’s been days since nelly talked to you, she was getting nervous you wouldn’t say goodbye when they left tomorrow.

“nelly,” roxy’s got george in her arms as she helps around the pub. “she came round, said to meet you by some tree.” nelly doesn’t need roxy to clarify who ‘she’ is before she sets off.

she finds you sitting the base of the tree, your back against the trunk. hair tucked in a bonnet and laundry dress on, nelly doesn’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful.

she slows down as she gets closer, taking the time to walk the distance and pray you dont hate her. she doesn’t think she could handle that. you look up when she’s just a few feet away and give her a gentle, friendly smile. nelly is out of breath, but trying, and failing, to hide it. flopping down beside you, she stares while waiting for you to speak.

“i’m sorry.” it’s quiet, and maybe unsure. you don’t look at her when you say it, eyes favoring the field across the path. “wasn’t trying to be mean,” you start. “feel like im gonna be here forever. and i just…” you trail off and pick at the grasses. “just scared of missin’ you.” your heart feels like it’s going to fall out of your chest at the admission. 

but she finds it endearing and sweet. and she finds that a part of her feels the same. “i hope you do,” she teases. “need a reason to come home, don’t i?” you smack her shoulder, but you laugh. nelly saves the sweet sound in the back of her mind. 

“i’m always gonna be waiting up for you, nell.”

true to your word, you wait for six years. 2,361 days of waiting when word finally comes. 

nelly, your nelly, dead. alongside that horrible captain jackson who stole her all those years ago. you blame him. 

a light switches off after that.

roxy becomes bit more reserved, she works more. she dedicates the rest of her free time to her pa and george. they fight over nelly, over the gravestone he wouldn’t buy.

sam was always hardheaded, but even more so now. he pretends her death doesn’t affect him, but in the quiet at night in the privacy of his room, he thinks of her.

george was too young to ever really know nelly, but she feels a sort of loss. she grieves the sister she never got to truly experience. 

you cut off the trotters, suddenly their existence being to strong of a reminder. you dream about her nearly every night.

“m’lady,” nelly snatches your hand and pulls you towards her as you walk through the field. she kneels and you fake gasp. “will you give me your hand in marriage?” her toff impression makes you laugh but you try to hold it in as you nod. a dandelion turned ring is placed on your marriage finger. “connects to your heart y’know.” 

you inspect it carefully, catching it in the low sun. “i suppose that’ll do.” 

you don’t sleep much anymore.

you’re on your way to your shift at the laundry when roxy shows up in-front of you, completely out of breath. she doesn’t say a word, just takes your hand and pulls you with her. you trust the girl not to question it and follow her to the talbot. 

an army man stands talking to sam by the bar but youre only confused for a moment. 

“nelly?” roxy’s voice is breathless, ever so slightly deeper than the last time you talked. more mature. but you don’t have time to worry about that when the army man turns.

and nelly makes sense now. 

she’s here, ginger curls tucked under a hat. freckles still decorating her cheeks. lips cracked and split on one side, but forever the prettiest shade of pink. 

she catches roxy and you think you may fall over yourself. because she’s dead. for a year now. you worry your imagining it all, stuck in a nightmare. but when she calls your name and youre pulled out of a trance, you know she’s real. she’s here. alive.

“you’re dead.” you whisper, not truly meaning to. she’s confused for a moment, looking over to roxy who nods in agreement.

nelly raises her eyebrows. “well that explains the way everyone’s looking at me.” 

your head shakes and you have to take a step back, then forward, before ultimately turning on your heel and leaving. walking as far as your tired legs will take you. over to the graveyard and to her ‘headstone’ roxy and george made her. 

nelly jackson. 1683-1704. 

you didn’t imagine it. youre not sure how long you’ve been there when they girls come up behind you, chatting away. making up for lost time. you still can’t wrap your head around it.

a letter told you all of her passing alongside captain jackson, her husband. you grieved the girl for months. watched as the trotters changed to fit the loss of her soul. 

yet now she walks side by side the girls and stops beside you at the wooden cross. “well.” you stand up and look from her to the cross. “roxy, george, give us a minute. yeah?” the girls walk away, a newfound pep. 

“i don’t get it.” you say as your hand wipes down your face. “you dont write, visit, send any word for six years. you die, and now youre here.” your hands flail as you speak. “seven years, nelly, seven. and now youre back?” 

she’s quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say. “nell.”

you laugh sarcastically, utterly confused. “what?”

“nell.” she says again. “not nelly anymore.”

you could slap her. she deserves it. “are you bloody serious?” and when you laugh again, it’s not the one she saved in a box in her mind. it’s empty. “that’s all you have to say.”

“i was widowed, captain jackson, he was blown up at the battle of blenheim.” nelly, nell, explains. “apparently i was too.” she adds. “didn’t know or i would’ve found someone to write.”

it’s enough for now. enough to satisfy you and break your heart. enough to fill you with guilt. “oh nell.” your arms find their way around her neck, clicking into place like a puzzle piece. her own wrap around your waist and bring you close. you stay like that for a moment, not nearly long enough. “i waited for you.”

nell laughs, a real true laugh that lets your reality set in place. she’s here. truly really here with you. “i knew you would.”

childish as it may be, you slept over at the trotters several times after nell’s return. you had a lot to catch up on after all.

the night’s were quiet, the both of you speaking softly as to not wake anyone.

“my mum’s hounding me to find a husband,” you sigh, playing with a rogue curl by her face. her own hand traces along your side while she listens intently. “i dread the day she finds one for me.”

nell’s quiet for a moment. she takes in the moment. you laying down beside her with your arm reaching towards her face. she’s propped up her head with a hand and is memorizing your features. not new, but now different than they used to be. a part of her wishes to stay here forever. another dreams to explore the world.

“i could make a good husband.” she jokes. but you don’t laugh, don’t even smile. she sees you adopt this far off look and she worries she’s upset you. “hey,” you snap back and nod, a fake smile adorning your face after a moment. “what’s wrong?” she whispers, leaning ever so slightly closer.

but you shake your head and dismiss it. “tired.” nell knows you’re lying, you could stay up all night. but she doesn’t push, she instead nods and blows out the candle. she lays down and let’s you slide closer until your head finds her shoulder and your eyes close. “take me with.”

nell hums, confused. “what’d you mean?”

“next time you leave.” you say softly.

“i’m tired of waiting up.”

‘AND WE’LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER’