#i was going to say i love piracy but i actually didn’t pirate these this time sigh

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

yknow what i wanna go back to what i was talking abt on the original post tho. ed’s cutie mark is one of my most unimportant yet burning pet peeves in the ofmd fandom (up there with fics where stede is shy about cursing, jack showing up in AUs as an ex boyfriend ed can’t stand, and izzy being included in the hornigold era). i have ranted abt this on discord before but ed’s cutie mark is not the kraken it’s not some edgy pirate thing his cutie mark is the red silk folded into a heart and he covers it up with something edgy. almost every mlp au art i see of ed gives him some sort of kraken or pirate themed cutie mark and i’m sorry but that’s WRONG!!!! i may not know much abt mlp but i have a phd in understanding edward teach and at the core of his being he is a big ol softie who loves so so much and so so deeply and he’s lived a life where he had to hide that soft tender center bc he knows showing vulnerability means getting hurt. ed picked up violence as a necessary tool of survival but he goes out of his way to minimize how much violence he has to actually commit, from fuckeries where intimidation minimizes the bloodshed to “technically i didn’t kill those guys, the fire killed them” rationalizations. ed does not revel in violence, he is not defined by his career in violence. the times when he is most capable of performing brutal and unrestrained violence are when he is fighting to protect the people he loves. ed teach is defined by LOVE the core of his character is about love the whole reason he became suicidal is bc he thought he was inherently unlovable!!! he yearned for love his whole life but he thought it was something he couldn’t have and the heartbreak of that nearly fucking killed him!!!!!! but yeah uhhh let’s put a fuckin uhhhhh. squid. on horse!ed’s ass. that really encapsulates his character for sure. let’s put a jolly roger on his ass, that’s definitely a good symbol for this character who spent two entire seasons saying “i want to retire so fucking bad please please please someone let me retire from piracy”

[melonteee]

Just watched your marine video! I thought it was very well done! I especially liked the section about Smoker, since I find him funny as a character in general. I often think about the contrast between him and Morgan, with regard to the girl bumping into him with her ice cream. Cause like, we just know Morgan’s reaction would not have been as kind. At all.

I do wonder, what are your thoughts on Fujitora? I really like him as a character and the fact that he was literally drafted after the Paramount war makes him very interesting, but you didn’t end up discussing him apart from a couple panels that showed up as visuals here and there. (I don’t have a problem with that, it’s your video, and I thought it was way cool nonetheless. I just was wondering your thoughts on him)

Another question I had: if the Marines are parallel to the pirates, where does the Revolutionary Army fit in? I guess they are more against the World Government as a whole, but the way they work I would argue mirrors the Marines a little more than piracy, if only due to the structures of them all.

Again I loved the video! I always look forward to your One Piece analyses, your ideas and ways of looking at things is so interesting and makes interacting with the series as a whole so much more enjoyable for me! Thank you!

Hello and thank you! I didn't mention Fujitora in the marines video because the video was already long and I want to make a separate video about Fujitora. But originally, I didn't like him! Until discovering he was drafted.

He's very similar to a citizen who just thinks the marines are the good of the world, so he'll do what they say if they tell him to because...they're the marines! Now that he's seen what the marines ACTUALLY do, he's turned against them, which is SUCH a win for him. Fujitora is a good example of thinking the marines are good, and seeing what the marines actually do.

In terms of the pirates, marines, and the revolutionary army - the reason I say the pirates are a parallel to the marines is because marines call PIRATES evil. The revolutionary army barely comes up for some reason, and pirates vs marines is clearly the black and white of the world.

However, you're right, the revolutionary army has a similar structure to the marines, but the RA is targeting the world gov specifically - as you said - while pirates and marines seem to keep duking it out on the seas. Due to not getting much of the revolutionary army as of yet, and not seeing much of Dragon nor how he formed the revolutionary army, I find it hard to pick their place in the story yet. They'll clearly have something to do with the downfall of the world gov, but it's more likely marines, pirates and the revolutionary army are all going in a circle of 'liberation' for the world.

I hope this was a good answer! Thank you again!

[picture-ofnectar]

sorry but I love the Izzy “dangling my legs over the side of the ship” scene because like. he’s literally right. it DOES serve him right.

Ed was deeply heartbroken but coping healthily until Izzy got in his head & made him feel like all he deserved was destruction. Ed TRUSTED Izzy, and this person who he felt knew him & saw him & cared about him essentially confirming in his view that he doesn’t deserve good things and only has worth as a monster— that being soft was worse for him than being dead— made him feel that he truly was unloveable and shoved him over the edge into the Kraken persona. plus Izzy ASKED him to be violent! he grinned when he cut off his toe! the beginning of s2 is Izzy realizing that a. Ed is not actually happy as Blackbeard and is in fact destroying himself and b. Izzy himself has grown to care for this crew in a way he didn’t realize he had and maybe actually has some human empathy. and doesn’t want them to be brutalized. which I honestly don’t think he had a handle on before it was too late & he’d already set them up for this level of violence. and also clearly he did NOT know Ed in the way he thought he did! he didn’t realize he cared about the crew like that, but he also didn’t think Kraken-Ed would be that intense. he thought that horrible pep talk was what Ed needed to get back to being pre-Stede Blackbeard, not realizing that pre-Stede Blackbeard was a facade Ed was already deeply unhappy and insecure underneath, but also failing to comprehend (or even notice) the extent of Ed’s trauma and lack of self-worth and the fairly obvious (to anyone who actually knew or understood Ed) fact that telling him those things would shatter his very fragile belief that he deserved these tenuous but brave attempts at taking care of himself and trying to become who he wanted to be. Kraken-Ed was not who Izzy thought he would trigger when he gave him the talk, because he didn’t actually know or understand him like he thought he did. & that’s what he’s coming to terms with in s2 and it is a wonderful arc! lots of people have written fantastic metas about Izzy & his motivations and the complexity of his realization that he didn’t know Ed like he though he did & wasn’t close to him like he thought he was so I won’t bother to fully go into that here as interesting as it is. but like.. he asked for violence & he got it. he didn’t have a good handle on his own feelings about the crew/piracy and he evidently had zero handle on Ed’s (he is masterful at suppression but isn’t emotionally intelligent enough to be able to tell Ed is too), and while yeah it was Ed’s trauma and whole brutal career as a pirate and this glimpse at a different future and Stede’s betrayal all coming together to cause Ed’s eventual breakdown, Izzy’s talk is what made him give up and pushed him overboard into the Kraken era. he convinced him he was worthless if he wasn’t a monster, & in doing so unleashed that monster onto himself and the crew. he taunted the shark and lost a leg. I don’t think there’s anything unhealthy about him framing it like that— he isn’t suppressing his feelings about it or pretending it didn’t happen— he’s just processing & accepting the truth of the matter. when Lucius says Blackbeard cut off his leg and Izzy says “a shark did this”, he’s acknowledging it wasn’t really Ed who shot him, but a violent, hopeless, actively suicidal caricature of Blackbeard, a monster Izzy helped create. Izzy isn’t Ed’s victim— they’re an eye for an eye now. and I’m glad he acknowledged it like that

[likesugarintotea]

Writer's Game: First Sentences

Tagged by: nobody, I just wanted to play

Tagging: anyone who hasn't been tagged yet

Rules: post the first sentence of your last ten fics. If you haven't written ten fics, share as many first-sentences as you have.

So some of these are pretty old fics, but I’m just going back in order of what I’ve worked on last, so if they’ve gotten new stuff they’re included. Also, most of these aren’t published, so if you’re intrigued, you're welcome to bully me into finishing them. The ones that are published have links.

1. Love in Pieces with No Name (OFMD)

Ed didn’t know why he picked up the wallet.

2. Another Life Away (OFMD)

Stede Bonnet was no stranger to insults, especially in the printed word.

3. Unintended (SWTOR)

Aric Jorgan was not a sentimental man.

4. May I Have This Dance? (SWTOR)

Theron slid two fingers under his collar and tugged on the starched fabric, hoping that this time—unlike his previous attempts over the past half hour—the gesture would actually loosen the garment’s grip on his throat.

5. A Spy’s Guide to Love and Chicanery (SWTOR)

Lady Safiya Adraiel, Viscountess Mahara, heir to the Earldom of Thyr, protégé to two of the most accomplished diplomats in Valorum, was about to scream.

6. Chasing the Sun (SWTOR)

Safiya Adraiel had never been unsure a day in her life, until she watched, powerless, as her master was struck down before her eyes.

7. Piratical Passions (SWTOR)

The first rule of piracy is “there are no rules.”

8. Snowglobe (SWTOR)

The thing that Safi loved most about Tiisheraan was the seasons.

9. Bindings (SWTOR)

The force-nullifying gloves itched and bit at her hands, but Ynnara's movements were steady as she carefully brushed centuries worth of soil away from the holocron protruding from the ground before her.

10. Sunset (SWTOR)

Bad things come in threes, they say; even the Jedi, who often seize any opportunity to preach on the will of the Force, will look at two disasters in a row and think, “One more to go.”

[you-are-my-neverland]

hey! are akane and arete both girls?

(i'd love to read all your books! pls let us know when and if you publish them! in the mean time, can we get snippets from both pirates and post-chosen one if at all feasible?)

yes, akane and arete are both girls! also you are so kind!!! i would love to one day be published, but as of right now writing is just my passion/hobby (full time student and part time worker, so it's what i do in my spare time, but an integral part of my life all the time). writeblr will definitely be the first to know when something changes though. or when i actually finish something.

you can indeed get a snippet from the post-chosen one wip (i really need a name for it haha). here's an excerpt from chapter two: bonesetter.

(for context purposes, alice is currently employed as a sentinel in the govt. jamie is her 'handler.' she just lost the magician once again and had to go to the hospital)

“Has anyone told you that you would have been great at politics?” Jamie replied ruefully. “You and I both know I’d be terrible at politics,” Alice told him. “I’m just well versed in how to use power.” She yawned, readjusting herself. Exhaustion was beginning to set into her bones, the lull of unconsciousness a heavy burden to fight off. “You did learn from the best, after all,” Jamie finished, looking down at his hands. Alice smiled faintly.  “Didn’t serve anyone that well in the end, though.” Look at where power and politics had gotten her sister. Look at where Alice herself had ended up, still a pawn in the political system, no matter how hard she fought. The Revolution might have won, but Alice had always known she wasn’t the true winner. She never would have been, no matter the outcome.  “We helped create this world,” Jamie said.  “Don’t forget about the cost,” Alice reminded him bitterly.  Nothing, no Commonwealth, no peace, no future, nothing had ever been worth Helena. Too bad Alice had had no say in the matter.

as i mentioned, i haven't started actually drafting the pirate story quite yet, so no snippet on that end. however, i will share a little more sustenance on the world/plot!

magic wise, the world is sort of infused with magic all around. magic interacts differently with different people, and not everyone gets a 'gift.' there are three broad categories for people who do have some sort of magical ability. miracles, who are the gifted, and usually have small, subtle abilities. they are largely considered 'good.' the second are witches, whose power usually does not differentiate between good and bad (perhaps it depends on the user). they're feared, and not well liked, but at least they're still human. the third level is monsters. usually this refers to actual monsters, such as sea beasts and ghosts and all that, but also to those who were once human, but became corrupted. (the term has been applied liberally, and not always in correct parallelisms with the actual definition).

the seas are ruled/overseen by the all seas assembly (asa), which is a religious organization and political power. it is an independent authority that outlines universal rules individual nations are beholden to (think intergovernmental organizations like the un for similar authorities). they currently have two out of four pieces of the Stone Heart (which is the heart of one of the great gods). they had a third piece, but arete's mom stole it, and it is now lost to the seas. legend has it that once the stone heart is unified as one again, it will be a beacon to nisa's heart, the Star Heart (working on that name idk if i like it). legend also has it that arete's mom found the star heart, so after her fiery death (which arete escaped), piracy surged.

& that's a little of the foundation for the present timeline i'm trying to figure out!!

help me decide my nanowrimo

[fizzyorange-v2]

jay and chip’s relationship is genuinely so precious and important to me. ever since chip “convinced” jay to runaway with him to sea, to sail the world, they’ve become inseparable in a really clear but complex way you don’t often get to see portrayed.

like,,, it’s clear from the offset that chip, by wanting to build a pirate crew of his own just like the black rose pirates used to be, was really just trying to rebuild a family. to find a family. quite literally in how he’s always really looking for arlin even after all these years. he’s still searching for that sense of family he lost. especially after he abandoned the gang he realised was never going to be the family he really wanted it to be nor a family anyone on the black rose (let alone arlin) would ever be proud of him for joining the ranks of.

and so from the offset, chip treats jay in his weird emotionally distant and emotionally untrained way like how he thinks crews (synonymous with family in his mind) work. he’s mocking and jabbing and annoying and he tries so hard to be someone he’s not because he wants her to stay and he doesn’t think she’d ever want to stay for him as he really is.

but i digress, chip is looking for family. and he finds jay. the first person in so long who chose him. chose to go with him, chose to join him, chose to stay. that chose to be part of his crew (family).

(which, while i love fnc, is rather different from gil. bc gil didn’t really choose to join them, he was more stumbled across, and he didn’t really choose to say, he had nowhere else to go, and he didn’t really choose to be a part of the crew, he didn’t even really understand what a crew was when they first met. and gillion and choice is a whole other can of worms we do not have time to unpack here and also it’s always kind of clear in my mind that while gillion makes chip want to be a better pirate (person), jay was who made chip even feel like a real pirate (person) at all.

and so the moment she becomes crew, she’s family, and by now in canon after all this time wearing each other down (both each other’s patience and their emotional walls/masks pfft) to their most raw honest selves she registers in his mind as any sibling does; a given part of your life that’s so ubiquitous it’s impossible to imagine won’t always be there, calling your ideas idiotic and guarding your back.

jay is sailing with chip for a very very similar yet completely opposite reason. she’s not looking for family, she’s looking for her sister’s killer. she isn’t trying to rebuild anything, if anything, her mission was one of vengeance, of destruction and espionage.

jay is looking for what happened to her sister, damn the consequences, but what happens is she finds a brother instead. and suddenly, the moment the consequences damn him, she stops really looking at all. until it all catches up with her.

and chip isn’t what ava was, not at all, because ava was always so much more capable, talented and probably once seemed invincible in jay’s younger eyes. and that’s not how she views chip at all. no, chip managed to worm his conniving roughish way into her heart and now he’s like a reckless impulsive (far too trusting, far too desperate) younger brother she constantly has to stop from getting both their asses killed.

sorry i lost my earring just as i was writing this and ive lost my train of thought. idk. i think there’s just something notable about the fact that even before the campaign started these two have been together as a pair and the whole time they haven’t actually been meaningfully separated since.

something about the only time they both considered separating being only when they were considering leaving piracy altogether and giving up on themselves entirely and something about how both times gillion wasn’t there to stop them (either unconscious or missing) and how both times one never gave up trying to get through to the other to convince them to stay even when it was obvious they were no longer listening to them.

something fucking about ‘i don’t believe that’ and ‘i know you don’t mean it’. something about saying i know you might think it and i know you won’t take it back and i know i can’t change your mind but i know and i believe that you’re wrong and that you love me and that this isn’t you. something about chip’s belief in jay and jay’s knowledge of chip and how neither had gotten that trust/validation or understanding/connection they craved from anyone else for so long before each other.

and something so sibling about one hurting and lashing and leaving and the other never letting go or giving up.

something so sibling in taking the other for granted and not listening to her and needing someone else to interfere because when someone registers so completely as safe and status quo, someone who knows you well enough to just say what she thinks you want to hear rather than the truth, well it’s near impossible to feel challenged enough by her to change your mind.

or something so sibling about needing someone else to interfere because your sibling is dumb and stupid and too trusting and too vulnerable and never knows what he’s goddamn talking about and so you can’t listen to him you can’t because you need to do what’s best to keep him and everyone else safe and just go.

something about those stupid goddamn bracelets and how anyone else reading chip’s mind either leads to pity or broken trust but with jay it’s an asset; with jay it’s easy to forget she even had it on, because jay is already so good at reading chip and understanding his train of thought and their both so good at being in tune and on the same wavelength that it barely seems like a noticeable difference at all.

i could keep going. but i think my main point is there are lots of different types of love, and chip and jay love each other like a stem loves a stick stuck in the ground right next to it; to lean on, to support the shaky foundations of, to hold onto, and eventually use to grow around, to wrap their lives around. but it’s slow, and when something is that closely entangled with you it’s hard to even remember it’s there, and how important it is in holding you up, and even easier to take for granted. to believe you may no longer need (and never needed in the first place).

all this to say, i am deeply interested in the fall out when jay and chip are finally split apart. and i think that’s going to have to happen eventually. when that steadfast foundation of support their both so used to it doesn’t even register is ripped out from under them and suddenly gone— how will they react? will they have grown strong enough now to fully stand on their own? or will they just crumble under the sudden loss?

something about jay n chip and their relationship and how they are actively saving each other and how they truly love each other even if they make fun of each other they would truly break if the other were to leave and and even after jay shot gillion threw the chest chip didn't give up on her. even when chip was suspicious of her he trusted her. ooough and he didn't blame her after any of it an. and. mee me when

[gyeheoni]

[cognacandlilac]

To the Depths - Part One

(Pirate!Silco x Fem!Reader)

An Admirable Spirit

Part 2 - Part 3.1

Rating: Explicit, MDNI

Set during the golden age of piracy, you are unwillingly engaged to an honorable Captain of Piltover’s navy when you’re kidnapped and held for ransom by a notorious and fearsome pirate.

Chapter Tags: kidnapping, suggestive content, mild knife play (?)

AO3

“I don’t want to do this,” you say for the third time since you stepped into the carriage. Your father presses his fingers into his temple and tries not to look as worn down as you know he feels. You have that effect on him but - to your credit - you feel bad about it most of the time. But not today.��

“He’s your fiancé. You should want to spend time with him.”

“I barely know the man and you know how I feel about marriage,” you fire back, sticking to your script. Now, your father will bring up your mother and the wonderful marriage they shared before she died ten years ago. He’ll hammer in the point that their marriage was also arranged and how he can’t imagine loving anyone the way he loved her. 

“Your mother and I-”

“Please,” you groan, tipping your face toward the window to catch a bit of breeze. It’s a cool morning, cooler than you’d expect for the time of year. Something heavy hangs in the air. You pray for a storm. “Spare me.”

“Captain Vander is a respectable man. Honorable. His men speak highly of him.” 

“I’m sure that’s all true,” you nod. In fairness, Captain Vander has been nothing but polite and companionable in the handful of hours you’ve spent together under the watchful gazes of chaperones. “But that’s not enough to make me want to marry him.”

“What would you have me do?” The cold note in your father’s voice catches you off guard. “When I’m gone, who is going to provide for you?”

“I’d be able to provide for myself if I inherited the company,” you fire back. Your father built Star Crossed Shipping from nothing. Your childhood memories of him are few and far between since he was always at sea. When your mother died, your father made the bold decision to bring you along on his ventures. Those were the happiest three years of your life. 

You crisscrossed the globe and learned more about the world than you ever could in a finishing school. You were able to grow close to your father in a way you hadn’t been able to before. 

When you came of age and were expected to take your place in society, you didn’t think you’d actually have to return to Piltover. The day your father told you that you were to remain at the family estate to brush up on etiquette and dancing was the second darkest day of your life, after your mother’s death. 

Without your knowledge, your father had arranged for your aunt on your mother’s side to guide you into becoming the lady you’re supposed to be. You weren’t a fool. You knew that being the daughter of a wealthy merchant came with expectations. You were okay with all of those expectations for the first fifteen years of your life. In fact, you actually looked forward to the day you could wear a beautiful gown, twirl around the dance floor with the handsome son of a politician, and fall in love. Life was laid out before you in neat little tiles. 

Then you felt what it was like to sail through the open ocean, to survive storms so brutal you sometimes believed a giant cosmic hand swirled the skies and directed the very lightning, to see colorful ports all over the world, and to taste food so incredible it holds a place in your dreams. Compared to those three years at sea, everything else seemed dull. 

Yet, that isn’t the worst part. You would have been able to accept that you couldn’t spend your life sailing the seas with your father. You understood the expectations placed on you hadn’t gone anywhere just because your mother died and your life took a turn for the unconventional. 

But you were blindsided. No one prepared you. No one bothered to ask what you wanted. You were left behind without warning and everything in your life changed once again. You were betrayed. 

You quickly realized none of the eligible suitors you once would have been glad to know and even marry could ever give you the life you wanted. You became impossible to court, evading invitations and intentions until they lost interest in you.

Last year, just after you turned twenty-five, your father suffered an injury that ensured he would not be able to travel with any of his ships for the foreseeable future. He quickly caught onto your schemes to avoid marriage and put a stop to them. 

Within months, he introduced you to Captain Vander who proudly served in Piltover’s navy. Six months later, there was a ring on your finger, though you only wore it when you absolutely had to. 

“I don’t want that life for you,” your father sighs. “I want you to have a safe, comfortable life. A stable life. Business owners don’t get to have that.”

Guilt shone in his eyes. Guilt for never being around when you were a child. Guilt over the loss of your mother. Guilt over abandoning you at the estate to save himself the pain of actually telling you what was going to happen. 

“I know,” you say, your voice soft. As much as he might deserve to drown in that guilt, you don’t like to see it. You understand he truly thinks he’s doing the right thing. 

You’re jostled as the carriage takes an unexpected turn. You glance out the window once more. “We’re going to the harbor?”

Your father’s face brightens. “Captain Vander thought you might like to see his new ship. The Council just awarded it to him. Word of your engagement has left a positive impression. I’m certain he’ll be promoted within the year.”

“Oh!” You choke out a hollow laugh. “I’m so thrilled to know that my freedom bought someone else a fine new ship. That’s just delightful.”

“Enough,” he sighs. “Spew your venom at me, if you must, but I expect you to treat Captain Vander with the respect he deserves.”

“When have I not?” You challenge. 

“He’s not a dullard. He knows your affections still need to grow.”

“Which has nothing to do with respect,” you point out. “If he’s after my affection, then he’s welcome to earn it.”

You know damn well he won’t be able to. Friendship? Perhaps in time. Affection? Never. Your heart and your mind are the only two things that can’t be bought and bartered by someone else and you plan to keep both well within your control. 

The carriage comes to a halt and a footman scrambles down from his perch beside the driver to open your door.

“Thank you,” you say and make your way to the front of the carriage to give the horses an affectionate pat. You’re only beastly to those who deserve it. 

You silently follow your father down the dock, taking in the comforting sight of so many magnificent ships. Though it’s early in the day, the dock is quiet. Everything exciting happens closer to dawn. Pity. You would have liked to see what goods are going in and out. 

You make a note of the ships that bear the insignia of your father’s company, whether they are ships he owns or ships he’s chartered. There aren’t many, but that doesn’t tell you much. You’ve been kept in the dark about business aspects since you came of age. As far as you know, everything is going well with the company but you still enjoy the details. 

Your father approaches a ship that is, frankly, magnificent. The hull of the heavy frigate boasts a fresh coat of deep blue paint with a brilliant red stripe beneath the closed canon hatches. You count thirteen, meaning twenty-six in total. Enough to reduce any challenging ship to splinters.

Your eyes drift toward the bow where the ship’s name, The Hound, is painted in bold red letters. A completely new ship, then. 

As far as you know, Piltover isn’t at risk of being pulled into a war and the navy is more than equipped to handle any conflicts they might come across at sea. Why build a brand new frigate when there are surely several waiting to be placed back in commission?

The Council must truly favor Captain Vander or they know something you don’t. 

You gather your skirts so you can traverse the gangplank without tripping. As you board, you tip your face up to inspect the three towering masts. The sails are furled, but you can see how pristinely white they are from where you stand. You’re so busy looking at the rigging that you nearly collide with Captain Vander’s broad chest. 

“Quite a sight, isn’t she?” The pride in his voice is unmistakable. 

“She is, indeed.” You don’t even have to fake a smile. The ship truly is spectacular. “You must be happy, Captain.”

“Vander, please,” he dips his head before offering his arm. Knowing your father is watching and you’ve already put his nerves on edge, you take it. You don’t miss the hint of surprise flashing across the Captain’s face. Aside from one dance at a Council ball, you’ve kept your distance from him. 

“Have you taken her out to sea yet, Captain?” You ask, keeping your voice kind but your boundary firm. Captain Vander takes it in stride. 

“Just once to make sure everything works the way it ought to,” he says. “We’ll join the regular patrols later in the week.”

“You’ll be the envy of the armada, no doubt.”

“I don’t know about that,” he chuckles. Again, you feel a twinge of guilt beneath your breastbone. It would be easier to despise him if he weren’t so damn nice. “Tea?”

He ushers you to a small table near the bow, set for three. Two uniformed crew members wait in attendance, every button polished to perfection. 

“How thoughtful,” you smile, though you’re certain the hovering crewmates have better things to do. Surely, this can’t be in their job description. The crewmate closest to you, a young woman with a shock of pink hair and a scar on her upper lip, looks like she’d rather be scraping barnacles off the hull. 

“May I introduce my first mate, Violet?” Captain Vander gestures to the pink-haired woman, who dips forward in a shallow bow. 

“Pleased to meet you.” You allow the tiniest hint of apology to bleed into your smile. You didn’t ask for this. If Violet notices, she doesn’t let on. 

Captain Vander turns his attention to the second crewmate, a young man with a kind face and a quiet demeanor though he was almost twice the size of Violet. “And this is gunnery chief Claggor.”

Claggor bows as well and offers a kind smile. “An honor, my lady.”

“I’m not a lady,” you correct gently, “but the honor is mine. With twenty-six cannons, you must feel quite spoiled.”

“I do,” he grins, relaxing a touch. “The armory isn’t anything to scoff at, either. Of course, I hope we’ll never have to use them in true battle.”

“Of course,” you agree. 

“Where’s Mylo?” Captain Vander asks Violet. 

“Up in the crow’s nest,” she replies. “Wasn’t structurally sound enough for his liking.”

“Ah,” the Captain nods. “I’ll leave him to it. You two may return to your posts. Should Mylo come down, send him this way.”

“Yes, sir,” Violet nods before she and Claggor depart. 

Captain Vander pulls out a seat for you and invites your father to sit as well. Rather than take the last seat, Captain Vander pours the tea. 

“My Quartermaster Benzo is quite fond of the culinary arts,” he explains, gesturing to the elegant trays of tea cakes, finger sandwiches, and delicate confections. “I tell him every week he should have gone to the culinary arts academy instead of joining the navy with me, but he didn’t want to turn a hobby into a job. We’ll hire an actual cook when The Hound is eventually deployed, but Benzo is happy to do it for now.”

“You trained at the naval academy together?” You take a sip of tea. It’s delicious. Rich and sweetly spiced. Nothing like the mild floral teas stocked in your home.

“Oh, yes. We’ve been thick as thieves since we were children. There was quite a merry band of us for a time.” A shadow flickers across his face but it’s gone in an instant. “We graduated together and ensured we were assigned to the same vessels while we were climbing the ranks. We taught at the academy for a spell, too. That’s where we found Vi, Claggor, Mylo, and a few others. Kept them with us ever since. We’ve become something of a family.”

Your cup clatters against your saucer as you realize why Captain Vander invited you aboard his ship. Perhaps he did want to show off The Hound, but this is his way of introducing you to his family. 

You’ve never met his parents. You don’t even know if he has parents. The Piltover Navy is a common refuge for those with limited options, including orphans. It strikes you just how little you know about the man whose ring you wear on your finger. 

This is exactly why you shouldn’t be his, or anyone’s, damn wife. 

You take another sip of tea while you scramble to come up with an appropriate change of subject. 

“It seems such a shame to keep such an incredible ship bobbing against the dock,” you say. “Might I persuade you to take me on a brief voyage?”

Your father murmurs your name with a smile on his face but a warning in his eyes. You elect to ignore him and fix Captain Vander with your most charming smile. 

“I’ve never gotten the chance to see you in your element, Captain,” you say. “And I would think myself a poor guest for not being able to fully admire The Hound’s splendor and the strong bonds of your crew.” 

That does it. He gives you an indulgent smile before rising from his seat and approaching his First Mate. 

“What are you trying to do?” Your father whispers as soon as Captain Vander is out of earshot. 

“I’m doing what you asked,” you reply, all doe-eyes and fluttering lashes. “I’m taking an interest in the man you’ve sold me to.” 

“It’s a marriage agreement, not indentured servitude.” 

“Then walk down the aisle yourself.” 

All around you, the deck has come to life. Getting a ship of this size underway is no small feat. Bringing your tea with you, you step away from the table and wade into the whirlwind of activity, careful to stay out of the way. Before long, those clean white sails are unfurled and the mooring lines are released. 

Captain Vander stands on the weather deck before the helm, surveying the crew. He gives orders to Violet with calm authority and she relays those orders to the rest of the crew, her voice cracking like a whip. 

You make your way up the steps of the weather deck and position yourself at the bow while The Hound glides toward the heart of the harbor. Captain Vander joins you.

“Why do I have the feeling you’re used to getting your way?” He chuckles.

“On the contrary, Captain, I can’t recall the last time something went my way.” You keep your eyes fixed on the open ocean beyond the shelter of the harbor. 

“If you could have anything you want, right this moment, what would it be?”

You nearly say that you’d ask to be released from your engagement, but you can’t quite bring yourself to do it. Blindsiding him like that, on his own ship no less, would be cruel. You can find a way out of the marriage without inflicting unnecessary pain. 

“Take The Hound beyond the harbor,” you say. 

“Out to sea?”

“Not for long. Just a few minutes.”

“You enjoy the sea, don’t you?”

“I do.” That doesn’t even begin to cover it, but you’re not about to clue Captain Vander into the deepest longings of your heart. 

“Alright.”

You turn to look at him. “Seriously?”

“A few unauthorized minutes at sea won’t kill anyone,” he winks before striding away to dispense fresh orders to the crew. 

You grip the railing as the bow shifts until The Hound is headed straight for open water. The wind picks up and you take in greedy lungfuls until the ache you’ve carried in your chest for years starts to lift. 

Within minutes, The Hound is beyond the shelter of the harbor. Nothing but endless blue stretches out before you. For a moment, you forget who you are and where you are. All you let yourself see is the endless possibilities in front of you. Beautiful countries, wonders beyond imagination, and freedom. 

Far too soon, noise crashes through the fantasy you’ve woven for yourself. It takes you a moment too long to realize the noise isn’t just noise, but cries of alarm. You turn away from the bow to see Captain Vander’s crew darting across the deck, preparing the cannons on the port side. 

You lean over the railing to see a sleek little sloop quickly gaining on The Hound. The black painted hull has seen better days. It’s covered in chips and scrapes. Disheveled men stand on the deck, their shouts laced with malice and sinister glee. Most incredibly, the sails of the rundown sloop are unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Bolts of deep red stretch against the wind. The color makes you think of pomegranates and dying roses. 

“Get back and stay out of sight.” Captain Vander appears at your side only to vanish after pushing you toward the galley stairs. Your teacup is abandoned on the nearest surface. 

You don’t go below deck, though you probably should. The idea of not being able to see what’s happening is more than you can handle. Instead, you press yourself against the starboard railing and watch the masts of the approaching ship. 

You quickly realize The Hound’s cannons are positioned too high to deal much damage to the other ship, which veers close enough for you to anticipate a collision. 

You watch the opposite railing, waiting to see barbed hooks dig into the wood as the attacking crew prepares to board The Hound, but that doesn’t happen. You hear them jeering and shouting as Captain Vander orders his riflemen to take their positions. 

Something about this isn’t right, besides the obvious. A small number of your father’s shipments have been pirated over the years. Occupational hazard. You’ve never witnessed piracy in person, but you’ve heard the stories. 

Sleek, rundown ships quickly gaining on heavier ships carrying precious cargo. They sneak up right against their target ship, launch hooks and lines followed by crude gangplanks allowing them to board, and then they wreak havoc.  

You check the masts of the other ship. It’s not flying any colors, not even the black flag. You spy someone in the crow’s nest, a skinny girl who looks several years your junior with brilliant blue braids. You can’t make out what she’s doing. From your vantage point, she seems to just be…enjoying herself. She nearly distracts you from the actual problem at hand. The other ship is in the perfect position to board The Hound, but they make no move to do so. 

While you’re grateful for that, you don’t understand why they aren’t pressing their obvious advantage. Who are they? What do they want?

Captain Vander’s crew fires their weapons. Your gaze shoots back to the girl in the crow’s nest but she’s unbothered. In fact, she’s laughing. None of the shots fired from The Hound appear to be directed at her, as far as you can tell. You hear no screams of pain or agony so you have to assume that the riflemen aren’t hitting their targets on purpose. Even your father has found a spare rifle to carry, though you never see him actually fire it. 

You keep a sharp eye on what you can see of the other ship. As soon as the other crew attempts to board, you’ll scurry below deck. 

A hand clamps around your wrist and pulls it behind your back, setting you off balance. You assume you’re being manhandled by a well-meaning member of Captain Vander’s crew and prepare to politely rectify the situation, but then you hear his voice. 

“Scream for me, pretty one.”

Never in your life have you heard a voice like that. All darkness and silk and deadly secrets. For a split second, you’re too stunned to do anything but marvel at the sound. You quickly snap back to reality, teeth bared and anger snapping. 

“Get your hands off me!” You throw your head back, hoping to collide with a face. Instead, the hand on your wrist wrenches your arm further behind your back, sending pain straight into your joints. You lurch forward in an attempt to escape the pressure only to feel the cold kiss of a blade against your throat. You’re trapped and have no choice but to go still.

“There we go. You’re a proper sweetheart with the right leverage, aren’t you?” His breath tickles your neck and you feel a sharp nose brush against the shell of your ear. You fight off a shudder to avoid nicking your throat on his blade.

“I will put the hangman’s noose around your neck myself,” you hiss through gritted teeth.

Your assailant laughs low in your ear, smooth like rolling thunder. “Oh, this is going to be fun. Now, scream.”

Screaming would be the wise thing to do. Captain Vander and the rest of the crew are still trying to drive off the sloop, which you realize must have been a diversion so the man behind you could sneak aboard. Yet, the foolish part of you that writhes with oil-slick anger absolutely refuses to do anything this man says.

“Do I need to make it hurt, beauty?” The blade at your throat moves lower and twists until the point presses against the swell of your left breast. When you say nothing, he presses the knife harder into your skin. You hold your breath, waiting for the faint stinging sensation to grow into true pain, but that never happens. 

“Interesting,” he murmurs but before you can figure out what he means, he lifts his chin. “Captain Vander!”

Captain Vander goes deadly still before slowly turning around, his face a mask of pure rage until he sees you. 

“Let her go,” he says with that same controlled authority he uses when he gives orders to his crew. The man behind you simply laughs. 

“I don’t think you’re in a position to be making demands.” The knife returns to your throat. 

Several of the crew raise their rifles but Captain Vander signals for them to hold. 

A man similar in size to Vander, wearing a stained apron over his uniform, thunders up the stairs. The Quartermaster, you assume. Unfortunately, his booming footfalls alert your assailant to his presence. You’re swiftly moved farther down the deck, your body acting as a perfect shield. 

The Quartermaster’s eyes land on you, then the man behind you. His eyes fill with not only rage but recognition. 

“Silco?” He snarls before looking at Captain Vander. “How the fuck did he get on board?”

They know the man holding you hostage. You aren’t sure if that makes the situation better or worse. 

“Step back, Benzo,” Captain Vander orders. The Quartermaster reluctantly does as he’s told. Dozens of rifles remain trained on you. Surely, one of them is a fine enough marksman to get you out of this predicament. 

“Someone take the bloody shot!” You shout. Isn’t this crew supposed to be the pride of Piltover’s Navy?

“Hold your fire!” Captain Vander insists before fixing your assailant with a murderous look. “What do you want?”

“Your fiancé knows how to cooperate,” the man, Silco, whispers to you. “Perhaps you could learn something from him.”

You fix your gaze straight ahead and say nothing. 

“I’ve come to negotiate a trade,” Silco says. 

“You have nothing I want,” Captain Vander snarls. 

“Don’t I?” Silco pulls you in tighter, your hands trapped between his abdomen and your lower back. You feel him press into the curve of your backside, sending heat to your cheeks that grows into a fever of anger and humiliation when he moans into your hair. “Vander, you lucky devil.”

“Forget the noose, I’ll kill you myself.” Your nerves mutate what should have been a scathing threat into a pathetic whisper. 

“What do you want, Silco?” Captain Vander repeats. 

“Your little treasure is going to come with me. In that lovely office of yours, you’ll find a note detailing a date, a location, and a sum of money. If you follow my instructions, your fiancée will be returned to you unharmed.”

“And if I refuse?”

The blade presses into your throat hard enough to make you flinch. “You wouldn’t make me slit such a pretty throat, would you?” 

“Do something!” Your father stammers, shaking Captain Vander’s arm. For a moment, you think Captain Vander is going to run at Silco or order his crew to open fire, but then his shoulders sink. 

“If she comes to any harm, even a bruise, I will tear you apart.”

Disgust rolls through you as you look from the useless crewmates to your useless father, and finally your useless fiancé.

“I’m glad we could come to an arrangement. Come along, beauty.” Long fingers wrap around both of your wrists, pinning them together behind your back. 

He lowers his blade and you don’t hesitate to dart forward, wrenching your arms against his grip with all your strength but he’s so strong he might as well have you in irons. Your wrists bark in protest as they’re crushed under the pressure of his grip. He yanks you back again, forcing you to stumble and turn toward him. You slam into his chest, hoping to throw him off balance, but he simply laughs. 

“I admire your spirit. I sincerely hope I won’t have to break it.”

You feel the tip of his blade under your chin, forcing you to look up. Your eyes snap to his and you can’t stop the horrified gasp that tumbles from your lips. 

One eye bores into you, blue-green and as volatile as a stormy sea. The other is something out of a nightmare. Black as the depths with a broken iris of pure hellfire surrounded by ruined flesh and jagged scars that stretch all the way down to his mouth. 

You know this man, though not by the name the others called him. You know him only as The Eye. 

You thought he was just a story, a tall tale used to terrify naughty children. During those years at sea, your father often used that story to usher you below deck when passing through waters he deemed dangerous. Hell, you’ve told horror stories about The Eye to scare a cabin boy or two into behaving. 

Never once did you think there was a speck of truth behind those stories of a cursed ship crewed by men twice damned under the orders of a vile, depraved captain who was more monster than man. A monster with an eye gifted to him by the devil himself.    

Those stories never frightened you, but now you realize they should have. 

The monster is very real and he has you in his clutches. 

****

thank you thank you thank you to @silcoitus @sherwood-forests and @averagecrastinator for beta-reading. ioweyoumylifeandlove

[eliza1911o1]

So… Stede as a pirate

… is admittedly a failure, at least from what we’ve seen from s1. He’s understanding instead of ruthless, leads a posh lifestyle with silly indulgences, and overall knows very little about where to even start as a captain. As shown directly by ep 4 after Izzy confronts him about logistics and Ed pressures him into making decisions when he’s ‘Blackbeard’, he literally has no clue what he’s doing. Even by ep 1, we know this already; I believe Jenkins even mentioned that the entire first three episodes were meant to show show who Stede was as a person, including his inadequacies. But moving forward, they explicitly make it a point to have it acknowledged by the other characters as well as the actual plot that Stede really is just that horrible of a pirate

He is repeatedly dismissed by individuals from his old life by being told he’s ruined his life and can not handle piracy. Mary is understandably upset that he would consider moving their family onto a boat and Badminton fails to consider him as a threat because he doesn’t even believe the prospect. Furthermore in his new life he is beaten down by constantly failing while, not only that, but he is constantly compared to the every epitome of a pirate, Blackbeard. Stede is visibly awarded less respect in every situation they both are put into: his crew reverently surrenders to Blackbeard’s leadership, the French aristocrats immediately find him charming, even the British navy only consider him being let off when Blackbeard puts his neck on the line. We are repeatedly shown this derision from both the perspective of others in addition to Stede himself

Literally in ep 1, Stede himself says he’s not meant to be a pirate. Bandminton’s ghost, a figment of his own imagination, spews harsh comments that are actually his own self-derisive thoughts. And, ultimately, Stede rejects the notion of fitting in as a pirate when the begins to conceptualize the idea of the “gentleman pirate”.

Annnnd where am I going with this? Well, in s1 we may have seen Stede being a failure of a pirate, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t get glimpses to a version of Stede that was not only successful, but as ruthless as a pirate is supposed to be. Even before Ed is introduced, we see him excel at fuckery as he trips up Izzy Hands (which I think annoyed tf out him since he thought Stede was so incompetent). Ep 5 he sets a ship on fire and rows away as it burns, then in ep 8 Calico Jack describes Ed pretty much doing the same thing. In ep 5 we have Ed threatening a captain with a knife while he’s held down, then Stede pushing down and threatening someone with a knife in ep 10. We see him succeed at the normally accepted pirate activities, as well as succeed at them using his own unique approach. That ship is burnt down from passive aggression, his crew respects him out of love not fear, and we see that though his ways seem stupid they aren’t entirely admissible

We already see him looking like the most perfect dashing pirate from a romance drama at the end of ep 10, but I would bet that we’re also going to see him perfect the “gentleman pirate” act too. Others have even said that we might see a complete role reversal, with Ed falling apart as Stede comes into his own rather than Stede constantly failing at the figure of the average ideal of a pirate, which I think is so important because the show has made it clear they’re equals and nothing less and though I don’t think Stede will ever be a perfect pirate he deserves to get some recognition and stand proudly beside his husband

[izzy-b-hands]

Stede’s kids, aka two little shits lol, come looking for him. On their own. In a dinghy.

They truly are his children.

I guessed on their ages, so put them about idk, like 8 or 9, maybe 10 at the oldest for Alma and maybe five or six for Louis, somewhere about there. I may be wrong or off but I’m winging it for now until I find anything definitive re: how old they are in show canon lol.

A note, I did combine some historical stuff for Stede here. Mainly his first son, named Allamby, who had died by 1715 per Wikipedia.

TW for descriptions of child death re: Allamby (made up, because I couldn’t find much to give an exact cause of death, so I just rolled with it.)

I stared at this all day and I think I caught any accidentally a words or major fuck ups, but if I missed something pls let me know and I’ll fix it ASAP dsklfjaskl. Also, if any additional trigger tags are wanted that I missed, let me know and I’ll add them them right away!

---

“Another letter from the kids,” Ed said as he handed the envelope to Stede. “I’ll bet they still want to come out with us.”

“And I’ve told them their mother will not allow that at this time, understandably,” Stede chuckled. “But we’ll remind them.”

He opened the letter and started to read. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Stede nodded and handed the letter back, moving to sit on a nearby barrel. He’d expected some whining that he hadn’t come back for a bit, or to allow them to sail with him for at least a week or two (Mary wasn’t entirely against it; she simply wanted them to be older before they did so, and that no raid would take place while they were aboard. Sensible requirements that Stede agreed with wholeheartedly.)

He hadn’t expected this.

“They’re looking for us?” Ed said, shocked. “They aren’t old enough for that. Are they?”

“How old were you when you left to be a pirate?”

“Sixteen, or about there,” Ed replied. “How old are yours again?”

“Not that,” Stede laughed nervously. “Oh god.”

“No, don’t panic,” Ed said. “After all, they’re your kids. Smart, good head on their shoulders.”

“And a proclivity to make rash, potentially dangerous and/or poor decisions?”

Ed paused. “Well. Yeah, that too.”

“Should we head their way and see if we can’t find them?” Stede asked. In his head, all he could see were two panicked children aboard a dinghy, in rough seas, potentially about to drown or starve if they somehow survived it-

“You’re picking at the thread on your jacket,” Ed interrupted the stream of potential catastrophes. “Take a breath.”

“I will, when we find them.”

--

“What else did the letter say?” Olu asked.

“They’ve bought their own provisions, weapons-” Ed read, then paused to laugh. “That’s wonderful! Not even my kids and I’m proud of them. Wonder what they picked up for that, because-”

“Ed,” Stede interrupted. “They likely stole money from their mother, oh god I hadn’t considered that yet. Forget being hung for piracy, Mary’s going to kill me first.”

“No one is getting hung for being a pirate, and I’m sure Mary will...” Ed hesitated. “You know, if we all go ashore, you’ll have a head start.”

“I think I need to lie down.”

“Children are much more resilient than you think,” Izzy offered. “They’re probably perfectly fine.”

“Or dead,” Stede chuckled. “I’ll make myself walk the plank if that’s the case!”

“I don’t think anyone actually does that,” Pete frowned.

“What, make someone walk the plank?” Lucius asked. “Or let their kids die at sea?”

Stede whimpered, and Ed wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Let’s not say dead unless we should find them that way,” Ed said. “And no, walking the plank really isn’t a thing. Sorry, love.”

“Right,” Stede nodded. “Then you can tie the anchor to me and drop me overboard! Maybe let Mary do it, that would only be right. And any loot could go towards funerals-”

He let himself drop out of Ed’s grip to sit on the deck, staring into space. He didn’t exactly want to take back all the years of playing pirate, but at the same time, maybe they wouldn’t have come looking for him if he hadn’t done so.

Ed peered down. “So, we’re going to take the lead on this, and I’m going to help Stede to bed. Sound good, Stede?”

He managed a nod, and didn’t fight when Ed and Izzy helped him up and more or less dragged him to their quarters.

“Try to rest, and think of something else,” Ed said as they dropped him into bed. “Read a book, distract yourself.”

He went to the shelves, and pulled out a book on the designing of children’s funerals, and dealing with grief.

Ed frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Come on,” Izzy whispered. “Sooner we find them, sooner he’ll either be alright, or we’ll lock him in here so he doesn’t jump overboard.”

--

“Do we know what they look like?” Roach asked.

“No,” Ed replied.

“Names?”

“Alma and Louis,” Ed said.

“Anything else?”

Ed looked back to the letter. “Alma has very nice handwriting?”

The crew groaned collectively.

“None of that,” Izzy scolded. “That isn’t helping.”

“More information would be helpful too,” Frenchie said. “What do we look for otherwise?”

“It’s two kids in a boat, probably just out there floating!” Jim shouted. “The fuck else do you think we need to look for?”

“Whoa, okay,” Olu took Jim’s hand. “Good point though, there can’t be that many younger kids out for a jaunt on the sea without any parents or someone to keep an eye on them.”

Frenchie raised his hand.

“Yup,” Ed nodded. “Go on.”

“Does their mum know they’re gone?”

Silence.

Izzy opened his mouth, then shut it and looked to Ed for direction.

“Possibly,” Ed finally said. “They didn’t say in the letter.”

“So in other words, their mum and her boyfriend might also be out there?”

Ed pondered it in a silent panic. “Yeah. Yeah, they might be.”

“Actually then, we’re looking for four people,” Frenchie said. “Good to know. Really hope we don’t accidentally find them by running over their dinghies.”

“I know we’re all probably a little scared for all of them,” Olu said. “But we need to keep our shit together. Stede’s lost his enough for all of us, frankly.”

“They are his kids,” Ed said sharply. “Though I wonder about the oldest one. Why didn’t he go with?”

“Isn’t the daughter the oldest?” Olu asked.

“Thought so, but before he came back I went snooping through his things,” Ed said. “And there’s a mention of a son, Allamby. He’s the first kid listed on anything that mentioned his family.”

“Could be he’s old enough that he didn’t want to go,” Roach offered.

“Then why not stop the other two?” Frenchie asked. “They’d tell an older sibling at least before they left. I would, were it me. Brother won’t necessarily yell at you about it, even if he doesn’t like it, and he could have been the one to give them money too.”

“We’re wasting time,” Wee John said. “Let’s get to actually looking for them, and then we can ask them about all of this.”

“Capital idea,” Ed declared. “All hands then, let’s get the show on the road.”

“At least we know they’ll be dressed fancy, if they’re that much like Stede,” Frenchie murmured to Wee John. “Could spot a bright silk from a mile away.”

--

The first three days were fruitless. Stede ate when food was brought to him, drank when water was presented. At night, he walked the deck while the others slept, no matter how much Ed protested. He argued that he slept enough during the days to distract himself from the worst possibilities, the least he could was take the night watch to see if they might be spotted then.

On day four, Ed joined him.

“Can I ask you something?”

Stede nodded, still looking out into the dark at the far end of the deck. The sea was calm, and the moon bright. Perfect conditions to find one’s missing children.

“Why didn’t their older brother go with?”

Stede turned. “Alma is our oldest.”

“Who is Allamby then? I may have peeked at some of your stuff before you came back, and-”

Stede shook his head. “I sort of wish you hadn’t.”

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have,” Ed said, and took Stede’s hand, reassured when he grasped back tightly. “I won’t again, not without your permission.”

“No, it isn’t the biggest deal in the world,” Stede sighed. “Allamby was our actual first. But he passed a few years ago.”

“When?”

Stede sighed again. “1715.”

“That’s only two years ago,” Ed scoffed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He’s gone and buried,” Stede replied. “What would there be to tell?”

“I’d imagine a lot,” Ed said softly. “How old was he?”

“Five,” Stede said, with another squeeze of Ed’s hand. “Very sweet. Liked picking flowers with me, to bring home to Mary. Wanted to study flowers, actually. Told me how he’d like to discover new ones, and he could name them after all of us.”

“Ambitious,” Ed laughed. “All that at five?”

“He had a plan for almost all of it,” Stede chuckled. “Didn’t really have any idea of how he’d make money to live of course, but truthfully I would have happily paid his way until he was on his feet. And even then, if ever he needed anything, all he would have had to do was ask.”

“What about playing pirate?”

Stede grinned, and finally turned to face Ed. “He loved it. Insisted we go down to the beach to play, the house wasn’t where a pirate would live! We’d walk down and he’d talk about everything involved with it: what weapons he’d use, what he’d most like to have as loot, even how he’d decorate his ship.”

“Flowers?”

“Lots of them. Painted on the walls, on the hull. Didn’t mind that it would mean repainting often. It was a worthy effort to him.”

He leaned into Ed, and Ed slipped his hand from Stede’s to wrap it around his waist instead.

“What happened? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Stede again looked to the sea. It was empty as it had been before.

“We don’t really know. He went to bed as usual, after two extra bedtime stories no less, and the next morning,” Stede’s voice caught in his throat. “He didn’t wake up. We thought he was having a lie in, since he did on occasion. Gave him an extra half hour to sleep or play in his room, whatever he was up to. Then Mary asked that I go up and bring him down for a late breakfast.”

Ed reached with his free hand to wipe a tear off Stede’s cheek as it fell. “Stede, if you want to stop-”

“No, he deserves to be known about,” Stede choked. “After we chose to not tell Alma or Louis about him, at least for now. That leaves only me and Mary and our parents, but they never did like him much. Too much like me, I suppose.”

He took a deep shaking breath. “I went up to get him. And it seemed awfully quiet, but he could sleep deeply. He’d played hard the day before too, all day at the beach, being the best pirate he could be!”

Stede smiled. “He would have loved it out here. I’m sure of it. Not that Mary would have wanted him out here either, but maybe when he was older, she would have...well. I suppose that doesn’t matter now.”

Ed nodded and tried to hold him tighter.

“I just thought he was sleeping deeply again,” Stede said. “He looked fine. Out cold, but fine. No blue in his lips, no gray on his skin. Not at that point, at least. But I couldn’t rouse him.”

Ed didn’t say a word, and waited for Stede.

“It was ridiculous, sitting on his bed, trying to shake him awake. Even went and got a glass of water and poured it over him, the poor thing!” Stede was openly crying now. His eyes hadn’t left the glassy water that surrounded them. “How he would have shouted any other morning if I’d done that! And it would have been deserved!”

Stede wiped away his tears, but they fell as fast as he could remove them. “Felt his forehead, expected a fever. He was cold.”

There was no wind, and the night was cool but not enough to chill. Stede shivered nonetheless.

“I picked him up and ran downstairs and called for Mary and to send for the doctor, or whoever could come by quickest that had any knowledge that might help,” Stede continued. “She knew before I did. Accepted it before I did, more like. She’d warned me before we tried for children, that there was always risk. They could die in childbirth and take her with them. Could have a horrid accident. Could be sick enough to die. Could simply die while in their cot, as a baby.”

He took a gasping breath. “But not at that age. Far too old to be a cot death. But it didn’t matter. Mary waited for the doctor at the door, and I stayed with him. Held him until the doctor made me let go.”

“And Mary?”

“Devastated as I was, but she didn’t fall apart like me until the burial. I think it really hit then. We spent days in the house, not eating, not sleeping. We talked once about what if we went to his grave and checked. Maybe he was really alright, and what if we’d buried him alive?! He’d be scared and want us and he’d think we had abandoned him.”

Ed gently prompted him to walk, to try and get him to their quarters or anywhere that he couldn’t watch the waves. At least for a few moments.

But Stede didn’t move an inch. “We nearly did it, too. Mary borrowed some of my old things, so she could move more easily. We were at the door, shovels in hand, and then we realized what we were doing.”

He sobbed. “And it would be pointless. He’d be as pale and lifeless as he’d been at his wake, in his coffin.”

It was by some grace that Izzy came out of his room, headed for the galley. At seeing them, he changed direction and strode over.

“Did we find them?” he asked Ed in a whisper.

“No,” Ed whispered back. “Could you help me get him to our quarters? I can take over the rest of the night watch.”

“You stay with him,” Izzy said. “I can do it. It’ll be nearly light before we know it anyway.”

With a bit more prompting and gentle pulling, they got Stede to walk away from the rail of the deck.

--

“Got something!” Frenchie called from the crow’s nest. “Small vessel, not close enough to see all who’s in it though!”

“Dinghy is ready,” Izzy said as he jogged past Ed towards it. “Roach?”

“On my way,” Roach hustled up behind him, kit of medicines and bandages and everything else in one hand. In the other was a small bag. “Got sandwiches and some jars of water in here. No offense to them, but I can’t imagine kids can estimate how much they’d need...”

“We fuck that up often enough ourselves,” Ed said. “And we’re old enough to know better.”

“And yet,” Izzy sighed, but it had no teeth behind it.

Ed tried to get a better look at the dinghy as they slowly made their approach. “I still can’t tell...looks empty.”

As they made their way beside it, he saw he was right. Still a jug of water and a basket of oranges, set by two daggers. But otherwise, empty.

“Fuck,” Izzy said softly. “Maybe they abandoned it and went ashore somewhere?”

“Why would they leave their supplies?” Roach asked.

Before any one of them could speculate, there was a ripple in the water.

Ed felt a hand grasp his at the edge of the dinghy.

Then, a face. “Oh shit! Louis, come back up!”

They watched as Alma dove back underwater and brought Louis up, a fish in his hands. “I caught one! Can we really stop somewhere to cook it and eat it? Can we go now?”

“No!” Alma looked over fearfully to them as she pushed Louis into their dinghy. “We don’t have anything you’d want! We’re looking for our dad, and he’s a pirate! Most fearsome to sail the sea, so if you’re planning to rob or kill us...”

She paused, clearly out of breath from swimming and panic. “Well, I would reconsider it!”

Izzy smiled, then broke into laughter. “Yeah, these are his. Fucking fuck, Bonnet.”

“You know him!” Alma pulled herself into their vessel, and moved her wet hair out of her eyes. “Where is he?”

“We sail with him,” Ed replied. “And he’s been a mess looking for you two, after he got your letter.”

“Told you he’d meet us halfway,” Louis said. “I told you!”

“Oh shut up,” Alma sighed. “Sorry about him, but he’s always like this, I should warn you-”

“I’m not like anything! I’m being polite and I was even going to offer to share my fish with them!”

“How about we tow you back with us, and then we’ll see about the fish,” Roach smiled. “I’m our chef and surgeon, so maybe you could help me cook it.”

Louis grinned, and set the dead fish on the bottom of the boat to hand over the rope tied to the dinghy.

“Curious,” Ed said as they started the trip back. “Did you two steal this?”

“Of course we did,” Alma scoffed. “We’re pirates.”

Izzy was still having giggle fits, even as he rowed. “Yes, yes you are.”

--

“Dad, ow. Dad! Help!” Louis cried out as Stede picked him up in a bear hug.

“Okay, let’s not suffocate him, metaphorically or literally,” Lucius said as he rushed over. “Hi! Your dad really missed you.”

“I can tell,” Louis said, voice muffled with his face jammed into Stede’s silk waistcoat.

“I was so worried about you,” Stede said as he finally set poor Louis down. “Did you tell your mother that you left?”

“I left her a note,” Alma said, then backed up as Stede moved for her. “Dad, I’m too big to pick up, Dad!”

He did all the same. “And look at you! Sailing in that dress! How on earth did you manage that?”

“You get used to it,” Alma said. “You’re squishing my lungs, I think.”

“Sorry,” Stede set her back on her feet. “I just. I thought you two were dead, and I had no idea how I’d tell your mother or what I’d do; it isn’t as if I’m likely to have any more children and...”

“Dad, you don’t have to cry,” Alma said, but she wrapped her arms around him and nestled her head into his neck.

“I’m hungry,” Louis said. “Mr. Roach, can we go cook my fish?”

“Yeah buddy, we can,” Roach replied. “Ed, if Stede’s looking for him-”

“I’ll let him know,” Ed interrupted gently, brushing away a tear of his own. “Let us know when dinner’s ready, hm?”

“Of course.”

The rest of the crew kept on with their various chores, but all of them stayed on the main deck, watching Stede lead Alma around to show her the ship. In return, she told him how they’d left, stolen their boat, how she’d been saving her allowance to buy everything from their food to their daggers.

No one interrupted directly, but there were smiles and soft giggles all around.

Ed was the only one following after them, listening in and silently cheering at Alma’s resourcefulness. Of all the Bonnets, she seemed the one who might not need any teaching about piracy. Maybe too young, but well prepared for it all the same.

“I am...” Stede sighed happily. “Your mother wouldn’t like to hear this, but I am so proud of you both. What you did was very dangerous-”

“You’ve said that like a hundred times already,” Alma interrupted.

“I know, I know, but I’m your dad. I have to say things like that, so you’re more careful in the future.”

Alma rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Fine, then we’ll board and steal a bigger ship next time.”

“Next time!”

“That or you come back and let us come with now and then,” she said with a little happy hop.

“While that would be a lovely achievement, I think it better I arrange with your mum something that would let you two come out and sail a bit,” Stede said. “If my co-captain is agreeable to it.”

He peered back to Ed with a hopeful smile.

“Absolutely! Say, how good are you two with those daggers?”

Alma blushed. “We aren’t. We didn’t get to practice before we left, and we’ve only used fake swords before.”

“Then I say we get you some lessons on knives with Jim before we take you two home,” Ed said.

“Which is Jim?”

He pointed out Jim, currently winning a knife-throwing contest against Frenchie and Wee John, with the Swede keeping score.

“Whoa,” Alma breathed out as Jim made their best throw yet. “Can I learn how to do that?”

“Jim can teach you that, and I’ll teach you how to take out an eyeball with a dagger, how about that?”

Her eyes shone. “Really?”

He looked to Stede, who chuckled. “I suppose. Better earlier than later, if you’re really going to be a pirate.”

She cheered and rushed away to Jim. They watched her tug on Jim’s coat, mouth moving a mile a minute as she pointed to Jim’s knife.

Jim looked back to them, seemingly waiting for permission.

Stede gave them a nod, and immediately Jim knelt down and handed Alma their knife, showing her how to hold it before tossing it.

“Think Mary’s still going to kill you?” Ed asked.

“Maybe not. Once we bring them back and work something out properly, and I’m sure they’ll need to promise not to run off on their own again. She might show mercy on me then.”

Stede leaned into him, arm at his waist, and they watched the rest of the knife throwing lesson in a contented silence.

--

“Roach said I did the best job he’s ever seen,” Louis told Stede proudly as they sat down to dinner. His fish was too small to share with everyone, but a portion were on his and Alma’s plates. “I bet I could learn how to be a ship’s chef from him.”

“He’s our surgeon too,” Stede said. “That means learning about bodies and blood and guts!”

Louis grinned. “Cool.”

“They get that from Mary,” Stede told Ed, sitting a spot away from him beside Alma. “She’s got an iron stomach.”

“You’re getting better with that,” Ed said. “Sometimes you just need to be around it more to get used to it.”

“Jim taught me how to throw a knife,” Alma leaned past Stede to Louis. “And Ed’s gonna teach me how to take out an eyeball!”

“Ew,” Louis giggled. “Can I learn too?”

Ed smiled warmly. “Stede, I love them. They’re awesome. I had never really thought about kids-”

“Is Ed like our stepdad like Doug?” Louis interrupted.

Stede looked to Ed with a chuckle. “Well, Doug said you two sort of decided if he was or not. What do you think about Ed?”

“Makes sense he would be,” Alma replied. “Cause Doug teaches us how to paint, and now Ed’s gonna be teaching us stuff too. Plus he’s dating you.”

They both blinked. They’d not so much as kissed in front of them yet.

“How do you know that?” Stede asked.

“I have eyes,” Alma said. “And you two act the way Mum and Doug do. You make eyes at each other.”

“I suppose we do,” Stede blushed.

“You’re literally doing it right now,” Alma said, and looked across the table to Jim. “Do they do this all the time?”

“Yes,” came a chorus of voices.

“We aren’t that bad,” Ed said.

“I bet they kiss like all the time,” Louis said.

“They do,” Izzy stage-whispered from his spot by Jim. “And hold hands, and-”

Alma and Louis broke into giggles, cutting him off.

“Alright, we have a decent feast tonight!” Roach announced as he finished setting down the last dish, covered by a high metal dome. “Hard tack, a stew that I think finally everyone will like, and-”

He lifted the dome off the dish. “Thanks to Alma and Louis, we had more than enough oranges for a cake!”

Louis turned to Stede, mouth open to speak.

“One piece for tonight,” Stede said before he could get out a word.

“Okay, but-”

“Stew first, then cake. It’ll taste better that way.”

Louis nodded. “And my fish before the stew!”

“Of course,” Stede said.

Dishes were passed from hand to hand, until plates were full. Everyone dug in, but Stede took the opportunity to take it all in.

Maybe, now and again, he could have both. His family at sea, and some of his family on land, together.

If he saved some cake for Mary, she’d be potentially more likely to say yes, and he made a mental note to set enough aside for her and Doug.

And maybe one extra piece, for Alma and Louis to share before bed.

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

OK but pirates wouldn't have cared if merlin was a sorcerer. They were superstitious but also liked having witches on their side so, if anything, pirates would have just been merlin's friends and hated arthur (like gwaine)

ohh yes yes i love this so if pirates liked having witches on their side what if a crew just adopted merlin. like just kept him around because it was lucky to have a sorcerer around. he doesn't have to do any magic, just be on the ship. and merlin is like actually you know what this is a lot easier than my day job. fuck it let's go.

so he just fucks off into the sea with these pirates and arthur assumes he's been kidnapped and goes after them and eventually tracks them down and is so confused when he sees merlin just chilling on the deck like

arthur: merlin! i'm here to rescue you

merlin: what from who

arthur: the pirates! who kidnapped you! actually why aren't you tied up? i think you're supposed to tie up hostages

one of merlin's new pirate friends: merlin isn't a hostage! he's part of the crew

arthur: the crEw?? doing what??

pirate: he is for luck

arthur: .. does he fight people?

pirate: no

arthur: does he clean??

pirate: no. he is for luck. what are you not getting

arthur: so your whole job is to just sit there, look pretty and eat stale biscuits?

merlin: yes. and aren't i good at it? i've found my calling

arthur: ok. alright. i hate being alive. ok. goodbye. i wish you'd been kidnapped.

and arthur goes back to camelot to update the knights, who track down the ship. arthur assumes they misunderstood what happened and the trip is for vengeance. he is incorrect. every single one of them tries to get a job on the ship as "lucky charm", with the only exceptions being Leon, who gets seasick and Lancelot, who is friends with the captain and already accidentally involved in the piracy game. he destroyed a few ships he didn't know what was going on. he's wanted internationally. it's not a big deal. the pirates say only sorcerers are lucky charms, which foils most of them but not Elyan, who reaches into his pocket

pirate: what is this. what am i seeing

elyan: pick a card any card

pirate: alright pack it up i said real sorcerers only

elyan: was this your card

pirate: holY FUCK YES THATS MY CARD WELCOME ABOARD

Percival doesn't try to thwart the magic only rule but just pretends like he was there the whole time. none of the pirates fully believe him but nobody wants to be the one to say 'are you sure you were here' on the offchance he was and his feelings would be hurt

Gwaine is desperate to impress the pirates

gwaine: please let me come please i need this

pirate: you're not our kind of guy sorry

gwaine, close to tears: not our- Do you see my hair?? my slutty shirt??? what do you want from me?? you want me to push arthur overboard? i'll do it, say the word

arthur: what

gwaine: silence, bait

pirate: that won't be necessary

gwaine, visibly disappointed: oh

merlin, who has just been silently watching this absolute shitshow with an amused smile on his face, vouches for gwaine so the captain lets him onboard. merlin makes up some shit about how gwaine is the lucky charm's lucky charm. nobody wants to point out how gwaine and merlin combined tends to lead to utter carnage and has never once given anyone anything close to "good luck".

ALTERNATIVELY

the entire show is just on pirate ships and they all wear the funky pirate shirts and no explanation is provided and it is never mentioned at any point

in conclusion yes PIRATES!!! the only thing hotter than an enemy of the state is an enemy of all states on a fuckin boat. iconic

[skyward-heir]

some thoughts, because i need to purge myself:

i wish we could see a more morally complex world, them being pirates and all. not saying it isn't, but narratively it seems we're too limited to Stede's sanitized (dare i say, romantic) version of piracy: one where you can afford not to kill others—need not cast away parts of yourself—in order to survive, where your reputation isn't relevant because you don't need to board vessels for loot. protagonist-centered morality isn’t necessarily bad, but it'd be nice if s2 could change that a bit, what with Stede finally getting the "it's not about you" treatment. and please more female characters 🙏🏻

Oluwande, my beloved, i wish i was this cool. i just, i'm in awe at his common sense, his cuteness, his empathy! taking no shit from anyone! ahhhhh

congrats to Jim for having actually intelligible Spanish, for once, in an English-speaking production. i'm a native speaker (greeting from Argentina!), but my gods, why productions usually make it so hard to understand the designated Spanish-speaking character? (i know, expose yourself to other dialects outside your own, but like, sound mix teams do your job i beg you)

no thoughts, just... Frenchie 💖

didn't care at first for Lucius (might've been the sideburns i'll admit ajslkjk), but having the emotional braincell in this ship made me really like him

neither did i care for Stede, but like ✨ character development ✨ and gods he's great. love him. hopefully, the narrative will continue to push the whole 'be a little less self-centred my guy' thing. also i'd like for him to interact more with people who aren't Ed (and Ed with people who aren’t Stede). look i love their scenes together, but it'd be nice to see them outside the romance angle y'know?

Ed, honey, love you but please grow a beard again. it looks so good! anyway, been reading meta/headcanons on his Ambiguous Disorder™ and who he "really" is, but i think the outfit invites a comparison to... Road Warrior. in a world of nightmarish seas roads where "only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage, would survive" and pirates gangs "took over the highways ready to wage war for a tank of juice", ordinary men like Max (a cop scared that he was beginning to enjoy the rat circus, only a badge saying he's a good guy) are "battered and smashed". despite taking his revenge, Max is the shell of a burn-out, desolate man, haunted by the demons of his past, who wandered out to a blighted place and learned to live again. (and that's like the intro only.) anyway, he lives in the wasteland, helping out only when it suits him, uninterested in companionship or a chance to rebuild his life. ("come with us." / "what are you looking for out there? [...] there is a better way!" → "i never get involved") yet there is kindness: even when he's lost everything, he can still reclaim his humanity. so where am i going with this? no idea. maybe it's about Ed being a legend, about struggling with trauma but surviving no matter what, about choosing solitude, about enjoying the violence, about atonement. that he needs to acknowledge forging himself in fire and blood, instead of handwaving it. (...also the outfit is mmgh 🤤)

how could i not sympathize with Izzy when he's out there living a Greek tragedy, victim of his own hubris, destined to fail and realize all too late he's only got himself to blame. that he's superfluous, unneeded in any way or form... least of all by Ed. ("i need you here"? where was that sentiment after the duel?) because they're not even friends, if Ed's to be believed. at "stages of fucking each other over" and all that. could there be more to their 'dysfunctional love' than the Intricate Rituals™? if so, the self-sabotage is all on him, isn't it? and no matter how 'deeply in love' Izzy is, he'll have to admit defeat to the man who's bested him in every single way that matters, who loathed him—and rightly so everyone would tell him—at first sight. (if he even lives until that point. alternatively, he'll have to fuck off for good so everyone can live happily ever after.) to admit that whatever he and Ed have matters so little that being maimed while he's completely vulnerable is acceptable. so, yeah, kinda tragic. i'd love a redemption arc for Izzy. like if the repressed white dude with far more privilege, who is consistently bad at not really seeing beyond his own needs unless someone calls him out, can change for the better, why can't Izzy? (something something palatable forms of trauma, something something Die For Our Ship at play, something something Steddyhands please askjlskj)

all three of them (Stede, Ed, and Izzy) i love precisely because they're flawed so i just can't understand the necessity of certain fans to reduce three-dimensional characters to 'never did anything wrong' while demonizing the other, instead of accepting it takes two to tango, as they say

[afictionalwhore]

A Mermaid’s Mate

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A/N: this was inspired by a long and beautiful conversation with @jadequeen88 about nasty Pirate!Dabi and a little Mermaid!Reader and poor first mate Tenko. I’m an absolute slut for mermaid AUs and Dabi just seemed like the natural choice for a scummy pirate.

Pirate!Dabi x Mermaid!Reader ; little bit of First mate!Tenko

Words: 4K

T/W: noncon, fingering, little bit of anal play, mermaid anatomy, cucking, Captain Dabi is unhygienic in his sex life.

⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽⎽⎼⎻⎺⎺⎻⎼⎽

Captain Dabi was to be, above all else, feared. He had developed quite the reputation for himself, covered head to toe in tattoos and piercings, a tuft of unruly black hair, and maniacal blue eyes that burned with something almost inhumane. Dabi quickly rose to be one of the most feared pirates of the sea. The rumors had spread like wildfire. He’ll steal your eldest daughter and eat her heart! had to be Dabi’s favorite. Combined with his love of pyrotechnics, the dirty captain found relative ease in pillaging unsuspecting coastal towns throughout the seas, leaving quite the impressive trail of broken hearts and devastated livelihoods.

Despite his fearsome reputation, Dabi found himself tossing and turning at night recently, unable to fall asleep. News, rumors, that his father’s navy fleet had been following his ship did not settle well with the captain. Sure, Dabi had stolen this ship from said fleet but that, amongst many other unmentionable crimes, was just a part of the territory of life as a pirate. What better way to start off a life of piracy than to change his name and steal a ship from the father he hated so much? Regardless of the rumors, as Dabi told himself they were, he had found himself unable to sleep that night. 

Dabi swung his legs up and over the hammock that swayed with the motions of the ship, hopping on the floor of his quarters with a small thud. He swaggered up to his cabinet before swinging the doors open, hoping to find some rum. None. That was fine. He’d just have to ask Tenko if he had some. That’s what a first mate was for anyways, right? Besides, a walk across the deck under the crisp ocean night air would do him some good, maybe clear his head and relax him a bit. That’s just what the doctor, him, prescribed: a night under the stars with his one true love, rum.

As he made his way towards Tenko’s quarters, he saw a light at the end of his ship. As Dabi crossed the deck, he could make out the skinny twig of a man hanging over the railing, pale blue hair shining under the light like a beacon.

Scurvy must have got the poor soul, Dabi thought as he creaked along the open deck, as though that would explain the man’s behavior, despite the fact that Tenko had always been, in Dabi’s eyes, a weird one.

When Dabi stole his father’s ship, he brought Tenko on as his first mate, since that backstabbing Keigo had joined the Navy with Dabi’s father. Dabi thought he’d have to drag Tenko on board, knowing the awkward man much preferred the indoors, always hunched over a pile of books. To Dabi’s surprise, it didn’t take the shy, blue-haired man much convincing at all to join. 

“Do you think we’ll see a mermaid?” Tenko had asked Dabi as they snuck away and sailed into their new life under the veil of stars. 

“Sure, kid.” Dabi shrugged, more focused on the rope work than whatever mythical creature prowled the ocean depths.

Ever since then, Tenko was always ranting and raving about mermaids. Dabi had already given the scrawny man lecture upon lecture after catching Tenko throwing their limited food supplies out into the ocean. It was only a matter of time before the man died trying  to fuck some poor, unknowing ocean creature in belief it was a living, breathing, genuine mermaid. 

That’ll just leave more rum for me. Dabi thoroughly believed, turning back towards Tenko’s quarters to retrieve the rum, head too full of worries about his father to bother with lecturing Tenko once again. Karma would deal with Tenko for wasting their food yet again.

Dabi had almost made it to Tenko’s quarters when he heard it: a soft, feminine giggle. Dabi wondered if he had already drunk the last of his rum that night and simply forgot. There was no way a woman could be on board, not without womanizer Captain Dabi knowing. It had been only Dabi and Tenko for weeks. He was simply hearing things. He had to have been.

Dabi decided to creep closer, just within earshot of Tenko and the mystery woman. He heard Tenko’s raspy voice—“fruit”—following by a lighter, almost airy voice— “foooot?”

“Try again,” said Tenko, leaning a little further over the railing. “Frrrruit.”

“Frrrrrrooooot. Frrrrrrrruit. Frrrruit. Fruit!”

“Good! That’s perfect!” Tenko exclaimed before tossing whatever fruit he had stolen from the kitchens into the water. “You’re learning so fast!”

Dabi expected a splash, prayed there would be a splash. Instead, his ears were greeted with more giggles. Dabi shook his head before turning around and slinking back to his quarters without the rum.

“I’m out of damn mind,” he mumbled as he tucked himself into his hammock, the swaying of the ship lulling him to sleep.

It didn’t stop there. The food kept disappearing. Tenko was just a little too eager to stay out at night for someone who usually didn’t enjoy the fresh air. Although Dabi felt his first mate could really use some refreshing ocean air. Dabi found himself sneaking out at night, stalking his first mate and listening in on his conversations with whatever the man was talking to. 

This had gone on for about a week. Dabi was growing more and more restless, finding himself inexplicably irate with his first mate. Conversations with Tenko usually were about some ocean myth, but they began to take a turn that left Dabi more irritated than uncomfortable or bored, especially combined with what Dabi was watching at night.

“Did you know mermaids can mate with humans?” Tenko said one clear day as he was cleaning the deck while Dabi charted their course.

Dabi stopped mid step and turned to face his friend. “Please don’t go and fuck the manatee.”

“I’m not going to fuck a manatee! I’m telling you! There’s genuine mermaids out there!” Tenko was working himself up into a fit.

“Fine, fine,” Dabi waved him off. “I believe ya.” I need to get this man laid. I need to get laid, fuckin’ Christ. 

“Unrelated, though,” he pointed an accusatory finger at his first mate. “Tenko, do you happen to know where the food has been goin’? I know mannin’ a ship with just us two fuckers is a lot, but we really can’t be out of apples already.”

“No, captain. No, sir,” Tenko fumbled with his fingers. “I can’t say I do know. Perhaps we have some rats?”

“Rats, yes, of course.” Dabi said, fearsome blue eyes never leaving Tenko’s red ones. “Rats. Tenko, make a note for when we’ve stopped in the next town. We need to pick up more apples and rat traps.”

“Yes, sir.” Tenko scurried away, and Dabi didn’t see his first mate for the rest of the evening.

The interaction had left Dabi more irritated than usual. Not only did he have to deal with a lunatic first mate, but he had to deal with the fact that said first mate wasn’t actually crazy. Add that to the stress of being out on the open sea for a week since he had heard the rumors of his father catching up with him and Dabi found himself on another sleepless night in need of a drink.

Knowing that he had already drank the supply he had stolen from Tenko a week ago and there would be nothing in the cabinet, Dabi once again heaved his body out of his hammock, boots hitting the hard wooden floor of his quarters, and found himself making his way across the deck under the moonlight to Tenko’s quarters.

Once again, there was Tenko, in his regular spot, hanging over the railing with his lamp beside him resting on said railing and illuminating his pale features.

“Tenko.” Dabi heard his first mate’s scratchy voice and watched as Tenko pointed a long finger towards himself. He heard the water move, splashing ever so softly, before the airy voice replied. “Teeeehnnnkooooooh. Teeeenko. Tenko!” Musical giggles floated into the night air.

“Yes!” Tenko moved his hand over the ship’s railing to point out into the water.

After a few moments, a soft voice answered back, telling Tenko your name.

Tenko sighed and repeated what you had told him. “That’s beautiful.”

Dabi scoffed. A burning feeling in his chest left him uncomfortable. That was enough foolery for him. God he needed a drink. He quickened his pace to Tenko’s quarters, nothing but rum on his mind.

Dabi made it to Tenko’s quarters, the blue-haired man too distracted to notice Dabi sneaking about. He fumbled around the room with the sway of the ship, throwing objects around until he had found what he was looking for. Rum in hand, Dabi left to return to his own quarters. As he made his way back, he overheard Tenko’s raspy voice once again.

“I love you.”

Dabi could feel the bile rising up. As he went to take a drink of the rum, bringing the bottle up to his lips, a gust of wind and a big wave caused the ship to rock, throwing the drunken captain off balance. He fell with a loud thud, disrupting Tenko. Dabi couldn’t believe his luck when the wave had also thrown Tenko’s lamp into the ocean below. He quickly scurried back to his room, going unnoticed by Tenko. Still, it was just the two of them on board. Tenko had to know Dabi had been spying on now.

The next night, Dabi found himself in a similar predicament as the first night he had caught you and Tenko, sleepless and drunk. Funds were running low. More importantly, the rum was running low, nearly out at the pace Dabi was drinking. He had been pacing the floor of his cabin, when it finally clicked.  Dabi heard the giggling once again, annoyed by the creature and his first mate’s consistent flirting. 

You. You were the answer. How much had Tenko taught you to speak? Surely Dabi could teach you a few new words, a few more tricks. Dirty sailors would run for miles for a chance with you. Hell, even some of the corrupt lords of the nearby islands would pay the big bucks to look at you. If Keigo was still the man he was when Dabi and him were friends, Dabi was sure Keigo would keep his mouth shut about his whereabouts to his father in exchange for letting his little mermaid suck him off. 

Further, Dabi convinced himself that he would be doing Tenko a great service by catching you. Dabi was a smart man. Growing up under his Navy officer father’s thumb, Dabi had heard a fair share of mermaid tales before meeting Tenko. What kind of friend would Dabi be to let poor, innocent, unsuspecting Tenko fall in the clutches of an evil mermaid?

Last night was too close for comfort for Dabi. He had to move fast. They would be docking soon. It would be the perfect chance for Dabi to see how much he could make off of you.  He swung open the door to quarters to see Tenko making his way towards your usual meeting spot.

“Tenko!” he barked.

The young man jumped and turned around, hiding whatever leftover food he had saved from dinner behind his back, hoping Dabi wouldn’t notice the disappearance if it were from his own plate.

“Yes, captain?” he asked.

“We’re docking at the next town. I need you to take inventory and make a list of what we need.”

“Yes, sir.” Tenko made his way to the storage below deck.

“No!” Dabi yelled. Tenko turned around, confused. “Start with the kitchens.”

“O-okay, sir.” Tenko turned to make his way to the kitchen, near his own quarters and across from Dabi’s.

Once Tenko was out of sight and well in the kitchens, Dabi ran below deck. He grabbed the net from the storage, and headed to the spot he always saw Tenko waiting for you at.

You had swam up to your usual spot, waiting for Tenko. Tonight, you were a bit more impatient. You had been practicing the phrase Tenko told you the night before and were excited to tell him. You felt the footsteps approaching, the vibrations rippling through the air and water. Something felt off. The footsteps were heavier than Tenko’s. A small voice in the back of your mind screamed at you to swim away, but in your excitement to impress Tenko, you pushed the thought back. Perhaps Tenko just wasn’t feeling well.

Finally, a figure appeared over the edge of the railing. You popped your head up from below the surface, splashing water as you threw your arms up in the air to exclaim “Love you!” 

It happened too fast for you to comprehend. At a dizzying speed, a net was thrown over you, trapping you in and dragging you across the water before hoisting you up into the air. You struggled against the bindings, crying breathlessly, “Tenko! Tenko!” 

As the net containing you was swung around the ship to hold you over the deck, you heard a rough, dark voice. “Tenko? No, doll. The name’s Dabi.”

You were dropped unceremoniously on the deck floor, net still draped over you.

In the commotion, Tenko had returned from the kitchens. He ran towards Dabi and you, trapped under the heavy net on the hard flooring. Whatever he was holding in his hands fell to the floor.

“No!” Tenko cried, calling out your name, reaching for you.

“Please don’t!” Tenko sobbed, falling on his knees. “Please. You don’t understand. I love her. Mermaids mate for life! I’m sure she feels the same for me.”

An inexplicable anger rushed over Dabi at Tenko’s pleading. When had Tenko ever been with a woman? And he expects this mythical beauty to love him? Dabi felt that he could burn up his whole ship with his rage at his first mate’s stupidity. 

That at least, is what he told himself. Dabi would be the last to admit that he was actually jealous of Tenko and whatever relationship he had with you. You were beautiful beyond words. How a creature as breathtaking as you could love someone as shrimpy as Tenko was beyond Dabi, and it left him pissed. 

“Would you just shut up!” Dabi spat at him. “Are you stupid? I thought you were the expert here. You should know it doesn’t have any feelings. It doesn’t love you, it only wants to kill you.” 

Dabi’s cruel words ached in Tenko’s heart. He clutched at the thin fabric of his shirt over his chest.

“You’re a pitiful excuse of a man! If you love her so much, then just take her from me!” He dragged the net off your shaking frame. “Oh wait. I’d have ya tossed overboard for mutiny. What a piss situation for you then. Well! Go on! Watch your woman, your thing, get claimed as your captain’s!”

Tenko’s head dropped. His whole body dropped. His hands gripped his dirty pants so tight his knuckles turned white. Tears ran down his face, dripping off his chin and onto his dry, cracking knuckles and pants.

Dabi swung a leg over you to straddle you at your waist, knees pressing in on either side of your slippery fin.

“Let a real man show you some real fun. Okay, babe?” Dabi smiled down at your quivering form, shaking with fear and cold.

Dabi ran a long, cold finger up and down over your small slit, just below where your fin and waist merged. After it had gained enough wetness from your natural slick and the ocean water that was still dripping off you, Dabi pushed the rough finger into you, causing you to gasp and jump.

“She’s so tight, Tenko!” Dabi exclaimed as he curled a finger against your spongy walls. “Well, damn! If I’d have known she was this tight, I’d have caught her a long time ago. Why didn’t you tell me she’d be this tight? Holdin’ out on your captain now?” 

You thrashed around the deck, beating your tail against the wooden floor of the deck and gasping for air, reaching out for Tenko, as Dabi continued to finger fuck you. 

“Tenko! Tenko!” you sobbed.

“How many times do you have to tell you, bitch?” Dabi growled. “The word you’re looking for is Dabi.” He shoved two more fingers in your small slit, pumping a few times before spreading them. “Gotta make sure this little mer-cunt is nice and stretched out for me.” Dabi chuckled to himself.

Dabi continued to finger fuck you as you sobbed below him. Your clawing at the wood of the deck had stopped, little scratch marks left behind in the wake. The air was heavy with the sounds of you gasping for air between your sobs and hiccups and the squelching of Dabi’s fingers in you.

“Oh? And what’s this?” Dabi took the hand that wasn’t busy with your cunt and poked a finger around your tighter hole just above the slit he currently had three dirty fingers stuffed in. He basked in your widening eyes and shocked gasps as he continued to finger around.

“Tell me, Tenko,” Dabi mused. “Is this her tight little asshole?”

Tenko, still staring at the deck, answered bleakly. “Yes, captain.”

“Fascinating.” Dabi slid his thumb past the rim of muscle. A thrill ran down his spine as you jumped underneath him.

“You like that, baby?” Dabi applied more pressure with his thumb. You squirmed more beneath him and cried. 

“Shhhh” Dabi cooed. “You’ll feel good real soon.” He turned to Tenko, who could be mistaken for a statue with how still the man was. “Tenko, tell me where her clit is.”

“She doesn’t have one like a human girl, sir,” came the small, dry reply.

“Oh? Then how is she supposed to feel any pleasure?”

“You see the thin skin around her waist? Right by her fin and skin?”

“Yes. What about it?”

“That’s her skirt. Right at the base of her skirt, where it dips in that V shape, that’s essentially her clit.”

“Ah, right here?” Dabi took the thumb out of your ass and pressed against the small V where your fin and skin met.

You couldn’t contain the moan that spilled out of your mouth. Dabi smirked at your reaction. 

“Bingo,” he said, as he massaged small circular patterns in that spot. He curled the fingers inside you, pressing against your gummy walls, before dragging them out. As your moans increased in pitch, Dabi increased his speed. Soon, you were putty in his hands, on the brink of orgasm.

“Come for me, doll.” Dabi whispered as your walls clenched on his fingers. He pressed once more on your “clit” and the knot tightening within you broke. You threw your head back against the wood of the deck, eyes squeezing shut, and cried out.

“Good girl. Good girl.” Dabi praised. 

Once you had calmed down from your orgasm, Dabi raised up to his knees, still trapping you underneath him. Your previous orgasm in combination with the fight you had put up left you exhausted below him. You looked up at the clinking of Dabi undoing his belt. He pushed his ratty pants down just far enough to release his aching cock. Being with you had excited him in a way that no human girl he had slept with before ever had. He had never been so hard and just watching you writhe behind him was enough to turn his cock an angry purple, precum leaking from the tip. 

Your eyes widened in fear as you took in the sight of him. He was bigger, much much bigger than any merman your mated sisters had told you about. He was pierced too, a Jacob’s ladder crawling up the underside of his massive length. This was completely foreign to you, and only served to make you all the more scared. Your adrenaline kicked in once again, and you resumed your beating and clawing against the deck, screaming “Tenko! Tenko!”

Tenko sobs resumed as he heard your calls for him. He could do nothing but watch Dabi stroke himself with you fighting beneath him.

“Please,” he rasped, barely audible.

“Would you just shut the fuck up before you make me go soft?” Dabi shouted at the man.

Tenko bowed his head again, resembling a kicked puppy. He sobbed and hiccuped, only serving to turn Dabi on more despite what he had just yelled at the man.

Dabi gave himself a few languid pumps as he lined himself up with your sopping cunt. You stilled as you felt the tip against you, frozen in fear.

“This is going to hurt at first, but I promise you’ll feel good soon,” he whispered to you, placing a hand on either side of your head and dipping down to kiss you. You turned your face to avoid him, only causing the possessed man to laugh.

As Dabi pushed himself in, inch by agonizing inch, your mouth fell open in a silent scream. Your hands scratched at the floor of the deck, trying to find purchase as Dabi stretched you. Dabi let out a groan as he bottomed out, tip kissing your cervix. The initial stretch felt like it was burning you from the inside out. He was too big.

“God. You must be a virgin, huh? Ready for the real fun, doll?” Dabi smiled down at you before pulling out and slamming back in.

You gave a scream, and threw your arms around Dabi, desperately trying to hold on to something, causing him to chuckle. He repeated the motion, again and again. You buried your face into the crook of his neck. The pirate smelt awful, but you were too scared to let go of him. However, as he had promised you earlier, the pain had subsided into something much better. You couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of Dabi’s piercing dragging along your walls, his cockhead hititng your cervix with each thrust.

“I’m not gonna last long.” Dabi grunted against your ear. Between your soft moans and warm, sticky cunt, Dabi was in ecstasy.

He lifted a hand to press back at your sensitive spot, causing you to squeal and tighten your grip on him. Your walls spasmed around him and clamped down on his cock. As he picked up his speed, Dabi’s thrusts became sloppy, beating against the barrier to your womb.

“Gonna cum,” Dabi panted. “Cum with me. Cum all over this too big cock.” He pressed on your spot, and your orgasm ripped through you, hot pleasure running through your body as Dabi painted your insides white.

As Dabi pulled himself out of your vise grip, cum dribbled out of your too small hole. Dabi marveled at your gaping cunt, whistling at the mess he had made of you. 

“Would you look at that,” he spread your hole, causing more cum to leak out. 

He stood up over you to fix his pants. Once he was fully dressed again, Dabi picked you up, cum still leaking out of your small slit, and dropped your lifeless, ragdoll form on the hard floor of the deck in front of Tenko, who lunged for you. 

Tenko cradled you in his arms. Your head lolled over his arm as his fell on your shoulder. His tears dripped down on your barely rising chest as sobbed racked through his small frame, the salty tears from the both of you mixing with the ocean water on the deck. 

Dabi scoffed at the scene in front of him.

“Better go get her some water and fast. How long can mermaids be out of water, again? Doesn’t look like she has a lot of time left,” He said to Tenko. Dabi wouldn’t be surprised if you were in shock.

He turned on the heel of his boot to retire for the night, but soft, broken sob stopped him in his tracks.

“Daaaah-beeee. Daaah-bee. Dabi. Dabi!” Despite being held safe in Tenko’s arms, you were reaching out for Dabi, crying for the man who had devastated you. Your pitiful state pierced his heart. 

Mermaids mate for life.

[ourflagmeansroleplay]

CW for s//xual ass//ult, among other unpleasant topics

So we actually know a great deal about Anne's early life. Like, an almost SURPRISING amount, given that the majority of what we know of pirates comes from a combination of self-aggrandizing tales and A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates (Cap. Charles Johnson). I'm trying to take a large number of my cues for Anne from history, especially since I'd like to write a novel about her. You know that idea we have of the wild and free child from modest origins with a fiery tongue and a penchant for mischief? It's quite literally Anne.

Anne was born from an affair between her relatively-well-to-do father and the family maid; this affair tore the family apart, prompting William Cormac's wife to leave him. He would never go on to marry her mother, but he did take a shining to the young girl, and arranged for her to live with him...as a boy. Which she did not identify as. Eventually the truth is discovered and William, Anne, and maid/mother Mary move to--get this!--Charleston, South Carolina. From fucking County Cork, Ireland.

After the move, Anne begins displaying a "fierce and courageous temper, which in this case can be directly translated to murdered another girl and also beat a suitor half to death when he tried to r*pe her. (We stan a violent queen.) She gained a reputation for galivanting around with the wrong sorts, if you catch my drift, but is ultimately only disowned when she marries a poor sailor, James Bonny.

(JB is a professional snitch who turns in pirates and takes bounties on doing so, btw.)

So the thing is, this wild child doesn't change her ways. She's still a violent galivanting free spirit taking randos to bed, including--you guessed it!--old Calico Jack himself. History says they fell in love and Anne ran off with him; one way or another, Anne Bonny winds up a crewman on The William. (Here's another fun fact: Stede's brilliant plan to fake his own death on OFMD may actually have been inspired by Anne, who reportedly mangled a dressmaker's mannequin, smeared it with fake blood, and stood above it wielding an axe to scare the French into an easy surrender.)

Now women, of course, aren't really "allowed" at sea, even in the context of piracy, so Anne would go on to do what a lot of badass bitches have to: forcible silencing of the opposition. In Anne's case, this was a knife to the heart of one such nay-sayer. "Allegedly." Anne goes on to live her life mostly unbothered as a woman onboard The William, serving as both wife and work-wife to Jack.

--As you can maybe imagine, I fuck with about 70% of that.

Sexuality and sexual liberation being what it was at the time, I sincerely doubt Anne experienced much of it, especially much by way of choice. For the purposes of this blog and maybe my novel, JB exaggerated his wife's affairs in order to further villainize her. I do think she met Jack and became a bit star-struck by him and followed him out to sea, and I think early on she may have loved him...but I think the cycle of men using and abusing her continued. Especially if she had half as many affairs as history accuses her of at the time, I really doubt Jack would've been interested in marrying her, but I don't doubt for a moment that he led her on. I don't think they ever actually "got married" so much as they acted in the capacity of husband and wife, sometimes sharing a bed, etc. I think Anne grew discontent with being treated as lower than Jack, as some novelty for him to show off, and I think she took that discontent out on anyone stupid enough to challenge her, including the crewmate she stabbed to death ("allegedly") and literally anyone who engaged The William and her crew.

I also think--and history finally starts agreeing with me here--that Anne didn't find happiness until she met Mary Read, whom history insists was a woman who was forced to dress up as a man but whom I very strongly feel was either gender-fluid or non-binary and just getting CIS-washed because they were less known than Bonny, who actually WAS forced to pretend to be a man for large chunks of her life. I have to admit that Str8 Historians really crack me the fuck up when they insist that Anne Bonny tried to "seduce" Mary (sure, Jan) and that Mary's response was "love to but can't, I also have boobies" before showing said boobies as proof, instead of, like...y'know, Mary being in a dangerous situation and having half an ally in this woman aboard a fucking pirate ship and being like "yo bish, me too!". (Mary, at their core, was a survivalist, having first been dressed as a boy when they were a child in order to keep money coming in for their family and later switching between both identities as it suited them.) So Anne and Mary strike up an affair so torrid, Jack gets jealous and goes to kill Mary for touching his wife...only to discover Mary has boobies and doing the Str8 thing of "oh lol, they're just gals bein' pals, kay."

For the sake of this blog--and, again, my maybe-novel--it was at this point in time that Jack Really Fucked Up. Threatening to kill Mary, aka the first real friend (and probable lover) that Anne had ever had, drove the wedge between them. Mary and Anne would abandon ship without Jack's blessing, going on the run together and being badass bitches.

With all that said and understood, the Anne on this blog is a broken woman who believes herself to be without an identity--a drifter, an outcast, a creature of anger and spite, and not one capable of loving or being loved outside of the choice few like Mary, and maybe not even by them. Sex was never consensual for Anne; like many women of her day, it was a duty to be borne, particularly when one was married and/or in love. She can't picture herself living a life of plenty because she can't even picture herself living a life of enough, seeing piracy as the only viable expression of who she really is.

Historically, Anne Bonny went down swinging. Jonathan Barnett, a loyal navyman of the British crown, attacked The William during one drunken night. Calico Jack Rackham was an absolute fuck who surrendered almost immediately upon being attacked and his men stayed down in the hold while the British boarded. His "WOMEN," meanwhile, were having none of that shit. Bonny, Read, and a crewman Read had taken on as a lover fought the British damned near single-handedly. At one point during the battle, Bonny famously called into the hold "If there’s a man among ye, ye’ll come up and fight like the man ye are to be!" Nobody came. Bonny fired once into the hold, killing a crewman. Ultimately, the battle was lost and the entirety of The William were taken ashore and executed for crimes against the crown. Rackham's last request was to see Anne one last time (she says to his face "If you had fought like a man, you need not have been hang’d like a dog," effectively ending that relationship), and ten days later Anne and Mary are granted a short pardon from fucking dying because they're both pregnant. They are, of course, hung shortly after delivering the babies.

[ttlmt]

do it bee

alright.

there’s a few things i kept seeing confusion about, so i’ll try to clear it up the best i can with my amateur enthusiast knowledge. 

disclaimer: all of this could be completely wrong. this is just what i’ve learned from working as a bookseller in the past and taking a few classes on publishing and just generally doing a lot of personal research into it both as a reader and with interest in joining the industry. i do not know dan’s individual situation, nor am an expert by any means. i am also coming at this as a canadian, so the innerworkings of uk/us publishing are just from what ive learned here.

you will get through this book: 

bee’s possibly incorrect far too long guide to the publishing industry and how international editions and signed copies might work for daniel howell’s new book ‘you will get through this night’ available for preorder now

follow @daysuntilthisnight​​ for a countdown #shamelessselfpromo

1) the uk vs us edition

the uk cover is the one without dan’s face on it. the us cover is the one with dan’s face on it. its not uncommon to have multiple covers and putting someones face on the cover is a very american publisher thing to do, personally i really like both. the cover you get is dependent on where you/your country order the book from.

if you ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell, you will be getting the uk cover, as it is a uk business. if you ordered from the us store right when the book was announced and before the signed copies sold out, it will probably be the uk cover (more on that in the bit about signed books). after that, i’m not sure because i do not know how irlmerch’s distribution works. 

one thing to note is all books have an ISBN number which is like a universal barcode for the book at all stores and it comes from the publisher. the beginning of the isbn dictates the publisher/language/product type/etc and the end identifies the particular book. the uk edition and the us edition have different isbn numbers, as will the ebook, audiobook, etc. this is a good way to figure out which edition you are buying from your local bookstore, and you can cross reference with the isbn in uk or us stores. its usually listed at the bottom of the product page online.

if you live in a country besides the us or the uk, it depends whether the book is being distributed or published in your country. distribution is often more cost effective, and is usually the way it works. as far as i know, dan’s book is being distributed (not published) to the countries on this list with the exception of the us where it is being published (not distributed). if a book is being published in a country, it will have a different isbn and sometimes a different cover. if a book is being distributed it will have the same isbn and cover as the country it is distributed from (usually the closest publishing hub, so london or new york in this case).

to know what edition is in your country, you can compare the isbn numbers and/or the covers. you can also take a look at your other books to see whats normal in your country to get sort of an idea. im assuming europe will get the uk edition but im not sure about other countries.

here in canada for example, our books are usually distributed from the US meaning you will be getting the us cover if you order the book from a canadian store. i ordered from irlmerch when dan’s book was announced though, so i think im getting the uk edition.

1.5) covers and book design

most of the time, especially with new authors, the author has very little say in the final decisions re: book cover and book design. they usually get input, and the publisher gets final say. book design is also a very different thing then general graphic design and professionals genuinely go to school for this. thats not to say there arent bad book designs or that regular people can’t do it too, it’s just something to keep in mind. 

2) signed books vs signed editions

there are a few different ways that signed books can work. primarily, there are signed editions and signed books. both are physically signed by the author, the difference is when in the process these books are signed.

signed books is the ‘old-fashioned’ way, where the author will sit at a table and sign copies of their book. the author usually signs on the title page and for a long time, this was the only way to do it. they have already been printed by the publisher so they will have the same isbn as unsigned books. signed books are usually more limited, often they can be personalized, and if you have ever gone to a proper book signing where the author signed the book in front of you, you have a signed book. signed books are also sometimes made available at the authors local bookstore because they are able to sign them in person. as far as i know, the books that were ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell during the initial signed run will be signed books. i also believe there are/were limited signed books from uk retailers, i think those are/were signed books (not editions) where the isbn matches the normal first edition of the book. 

signed editions are a fairly new thing, and have made signed books so much more accessible which is awesome! signed editions have a different isbn then their normal edition and signed book counterparts. they are technically two different books and are listed as a separate book in stores. that is because signed editions have one (1) extra page. this allows the author to be sent boxes of pages, not books, to sign BEFORE the books are bound. the pages are then sent back to the publisher to be included in the final printed copy of the book.

signed editions help authors to sign even more copies which allows for things like signing hundreds of thousands of copies of a book in some cases. if you are familiar with john green’s books (and hank’s too), he is a large part of the reason signed editions increased in popularity. for example, his book turtles all the way down had a signed edition and a normal edition, they were the same price but the signed edition included the one more page that john had signed. this also allows authors to do fully signed first edition runs, such as john’s new book the anthropocene reviewed (which comes out the same day as dan’s book lol), where every single copy of the first edition is signed (so there is no such thing as an unsigned american first edition, this is becoming more popular for some authors to do especially if the first edition print is not very a large quantity).

if you saw dan’s ig story from today (which was almost definitely a delayed post lmao), he was signing the signed edition papers that will be bound in the signed edition copies of the book in the us. as far as i know, it is only the us publisher that has this option. as you can see on the us store books-a-million, there is a signed edition and a normal edition. they are listed seperately and there are different isbns. the signed edition will be bound with the one extra page that dan has signed. 

both types of signed books have been actually signed by dan and are so cool to have if that’s something you want and are able to get. if not, you’re not missing much.

3) book piracy and pricing

i’m not here to tell you what to do, so i won’t. i know being able to buy books is a privilege and dan is a millionaire. full stop. he doesn’t need the money and you probably do.

books are expensive. the difference between cost and price of a book can vary drastically. does your calc textbook actually cost the publisher $300? probably not, but it does cost more per copy to print less copies of something (like a textbook) then it does to print millions of copies of a nyt bestseller. does a $24 book cost that much to develop/print/distribute? maybe. 

but most of that money goes to the publisher. the fact of the matter is authors get very little from the actual sale of the book (usually only a couple dollars), which okay, not exactly convincing you against piracy but hear me out. the actual number of sales a book has lets a publisher know how successful a book is, which helps to decide how many more prints/editions are made and often dictates future opportunities for authors.

a series of books that i love is very popular on tumblr, but there was a serious problem a few years ago where copies of the book were being pirated so much, sales were down so drastically, that the publisher almost didn't continue to publish the series. in the case of smaller authors or your favourite ongoing series, buying your copy of the book could be the difference between the existence of the next book or not.  in dan’s case, i don’t know what his future plans are, idk if he plans to write more in the future, but i do know that publishers look at previous sales to decide if they are going to publish a book in the future.

ebooks are usually cheaper and more accessible if money is an issue. used books, while not helping with sales, are also a great option if you’re willing to wait and look around. you can often request your local library buy a book and read it that way, or they might even already have it. there probably even audiobooks and ebooks at your local library. stores like am*zon are usually cheaper as well. online stores of large chains like b&n and indigo will often have the books cheaper to match amazon. however if you can, support your local bookstore.

of course if the author is a horrible person do whatever tf you want. also fuck the textbook industry. 

tldr: dan worked really hard on his book with professionals to make it the best it could possibly be. i think it looks beautiful, and it will help a lot of people. the publishing industry is a mess but really cool. check the isbn of the copy you ordered if you want clarification or you can just wait for the surprise. 

[op-sheepy]

ok so I'm particularly interested in

Bellamy Law

Law and Bible stuff

Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

shichibukai applications

reverse hanahaki disease (?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

if you feel like elaborating on any of these!

This is gonna get long and I actually contemplated posting them separately but would that have been more work? Yeah, that felt like more work so for anyone interested, check under the cut. :D

---------------------------------o

---------------------------------o

Bellamy Law

Hm… This would be an attempt to explore the parallels and contrasts between Bellamy and Law. I've always found it fascinating that the former was a foil to the latter.

They both come from well-off  towns in the North Blue.

Bellamy left because of boredom. Law had no choice because Flevance.

Both ended up seeking Doflamingo  because of  his notoriety as a pirate. Both admired him initially

Doffy favored one over the other though. Bellamy always sought his approval but was never really part of the inner circle Doflamingo cared about.

Law got the dubious privilege of being part of the family despite being absent for so long. Even offered one of the highest seats by Doffy's side for seemingly nothing.

Law had no trouble turning his back on Doffy once he realized the man's nature. Bellamy tried to stick to his principles until the end despite admitting that he new he was wrong.

Bellamy can (and did) quit piracy after his ordeal with Doflamingo. Having the option to live peacefully, perhaps a return to his previous life (the one he considered boring). Law can't do that quite as easily what with his Devil fruit and his reputation.

I thought it would be interesting trying to explore what Bellamy was thinking. Did he hear the Donquixote Pirates talk about their missing 'family'? Did he get to see Doffy be amused at Law's rise as a Supernova while he kept being reminded of his own status? Did Law save Bellamy partially because he also saw what he could have been had Corazon not saved him?

On principle, Bellamy should have hated Trafalgar Law. Does. Bastard even saved him without him wanting it. But there was something about the shadows haunting those eyes and Bellamy started to wonder.

He had heard the family talk about Law before. The child personally taught by Doflamingo, chosen to be his right hand. Never was he compared to the man because Law was just obviously better. Smarter. Stronger. Bellamy was ever just an uncouth thug.

He was allowed to 'borrow' Doflamingo's symbol while Law had an empty seat waiting for his return–a seat Bellamy had wanted enough to risk everything for.

Maybe he had resented, Trafalgar Law for carelessly rejecting the things he had that Bellamy had always desired. In the end too, Trafalgar Law did prove to be better. He'd done as a child what Bellamy had trouble doing even as he was now.

But having been given the chance to observe the other man as they all recovered, he wondered, perhaps for the first time, whether despite Law being better than Bellamy, Bellamy had had it better–barring the poor life choices.

---------------------------------o

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Law and Bible stuff

This is just me wanting to know how many biblical parallels and themes I can draw from Law, the Donquixote brothers, the characters associated with them, and his backstory. Honestly not sure whether this would become a fic and in what style or I'm gonna give up and just make it a post.

Not gonna elaborate on them much but here are the ideas in more bullet points (yay):

Law gets familiar with all four horsemen of the apocalypse: conquest, war, famine, and death. He even survives them.

Law is like the son in the parable of the prodigal son to the Donquixote pirates. Except the themes are inverted.

Doflamingo and Rocinante -> Cain and Abel

Ope Ope no Mi -> Granting eternal life by sacrificing one's own life

Gods descending or living among humans. Also, Homing and his family being prosecuted for other people's sins.

That scene where they were hanged by their arms outstretched looks like a crucifixion. Also, Rocinante was on the right while Doflamingo was on the left. Similar to how the penitent thief was on the right and the unrepentant one to the left.

Flevance being considered a paradise with walls/fences/gates and somewhere Law cannot return to.

In the panel where the Donquixote pirates are seated at the table, there were thirteen of them with Doffy at the center. Same as The Last Supper

There are a lot more of these (David and Goliath, Solomon, Jonah, Job, etc.) but I kinda lost the notes and some are more visual so I can't really explain it too well. This would is a drabble series to emphasize or highlight the parallels so no proper snippet for this one.

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Law is a substitute kindergarten teacher

Originally an idea to get around most of the Heart Pirates being nameless but evolved to include other characters as kids. Chopper is a kindergarten teacher and he convinces Law to take over his class for a week because somehow Law has the qualifications to and free time. Naturally, he wasn't able to say no.

Unfortunately, despite not being terrible at handling children, Chopper's class is filled with menaces. Also, despite not being terrible, Law can still be awkward so...

"Mr. Trofao–fargar—"

"Trafalgar."

The kid—which one was this one again? Shit, he should really get them name plates or something—scrunched up his face and tried harder, "Tar-pal—"

"Law. Just call me Law."

"Mr. Low"—eh, close enough—"can I go to the bathroom?" Wide imploring eyes stared up at him.

"Sure, go ahead." Law gestured towards the exit of the classroom with his head.

The kid just stared expectantly at him and he tried to suppress the need to narrow his eyes.

"Is there… anything else?"

"Mr. Chopper always comes with me to hold my hand."

Really?

"Mr. Chopper isn't here. You should practice doing it on your own now." He said after a deep inhale.

"But the monsters might get me…"

"No, they won't."

"You don't know that."

"I do." Before the kid could open his mouth again to argue, he added, "Besides, children taste terrible so you're safe."

The kid looked stricken and took a step back from him. Uh oh. Glistening eyes, wobbling lower lip… "Alright! I'll go with you." The kid did not look reassured. In fact he looked like going alone with Law was the last thing he wanted to do. Guess, he kinda implied that he ate children didn't he? Oops.

Well, the kid needs to go and he's not going to be cleaning up after him if he wets himself.

Law glanced at the rest of the children. It was Arts and Craft time and they seemed preoccupied enough. Still, Law doubted Chopper ever left these kids alone–already he could see some of them glancing up at him, waiting for him to leave no doubt to cause trouble. That Monkey kid in particular looked extremely suspicious.

He stood up from his crouch and clapped twice to get everyone's attention.

"Alright. Fall in line. Single file."

There was some grumbling and questioning directed at him. "What's going on?"

Law shrugged. "You're all going to the bathroom."

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Shichibukai Application Forms

Crackfic where the World Government and relevant parties review various Shichbukai Applications. Most submitted by the pirates applying themselves, some produced by their own staff. They discuss and debate. As well as judge pirate resumes.

She scanned the document. Terrible format, really. If you fail to impress within the first page, you've failed entirely. There just wasn't anyone promising enough in this batch of applications or any of the other ones before. The last one had been that clown. "Apprentice to the Pirate King," was a pretty hefty credential.

"Oh, how about this one? Three years experience pillaging, and they even listed all the towns they looted." One of the newly transferred administrative staff said.

"None of these are worth considering at all. You know, when Mihawk was asked to submit his application, he hadn't bothered with all of this. He just sent us a card with his name on it and the title "World's Strongest Swordsman," underneath."

The staff perked up. "Oh, there was an application like that." There was scramble and some shuffling before a plain white card was produced. "Here."

"'From Trafalgar Law'. What does this even mean?"

"Well, it did come with a big box..."

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Reverse Hanahaki Disease

(?? do u spit out flowers when your nemesis walks by?)

Haha. At first it was going to be that way (because it is hilarious) but the inflicted would probably choke to death too soon. Or if both enemies had it, they'd end up just coughing flowers at each other until they stopped being enemies.

The version I ended up going with was that this variant of Hanahaki, instead of afflicting those with unrequited love, affected those in denial instead. The reverse part comes from the original idea that this would usually happen if you somehow fell in love with your nemesis (someone you originally hated). So it's not the thought that the other person can't love you, it's that you can't accept that you love that other person. You get cured by confessing to the person sincerely.

This is actually another KidLaw (surprise!). And the flower coughed up directly represents the person they're in love with (I went with Oda's flower representation for them because I found it funny for plot)

So the idea is that, you get sick but you don't automatically know (maybe) who it is because that's part of being in denial. Kid and Law have many enemies after all. In this story they both get it though not exactly at the same time and not known to the other.

He survived Amber Lead Syndrome only to be killed off by a stupid flower disease that apparently knows more about his own feelings than he does.

He glared at the petals. Tulips. Red.

An image of a cocky grin and a shock of red hair flashed through his mind and—nope. That's not right.

He coughed harder, tears stinging his eyes with the effort. More flowers. Now he has enough for a bouquet.

Alright, he was a doctor. He could do this. Differential time.

First, which variant does he have. He doesn't particularly feel unloved or hopeless. There wasn't anyone he wanted in particular to love him. Ok, nothing. It was maybe safe to say he had that other variant.

Which was stupid because Law had many enemies and he hated all of them.

And cue the racking coughs. More red. He was very familiar with that particular shade.

New theory. This was a new variant that somehow makes you sick when you think of the person you hated the most.

Yes, that had to be it. He thought as he all but collapsed on the floor from the sudden paroxysm.

I knew this was gonna get long. :) Oh well...

Thank you for playing. :D