#i was explaining my symptoms and she was like 'but you seem more mentally well than i've seen you' and the kicker 'everyone gets anxious'

[fingertipsmp3]

I love knowingly making bad decisions

[razzledazzlebeach]

Daryl Dixon took awhile to age mentally

As I read more and more analysis about Daryl and rewatch some of the earlier seasons, I wonder if it was intended for his character to have some kind of age regression issue. (I didn't do, like, extensive research, I just looked into some CPTSD and age regression signs on a few different sites, so this is just an idea I'm tossing out in hopes of hearing some other perspectives!)

The first situation that really catches my attention is his reaction to Merle being left in Atlanta. Now, obviously, this would be an incredibly emotional time for anyone and it's not entirely out of place to just say he was very distraught over the news and anyone could have reacted the same way he did. I just think that the specific way he did might have some signs. If you think about a grown man, especially one who was raised in a very macho household, you would assume that their reaction might be to storm out or yell at someone. Although Daryl did yell, he also started crying and pacing. It seemed almost as if he was having a full-on meltdown. Some signs of age regression are meltdowns (Ranting, shouting, insulting others, threatening others, whining, angry tears, or getting physically violent) that ring any bells?

I couldn't find a gifs of that exact moment :(

It probably didn't help that the entirety of the camp was staring at him as all of this happened. Temper tantrums can happen because someone is scared/ashamed and can't regulate themselves. (Like sensory overload.)

Another thing that I want to kind of address is the way Rick responds to Daryl when he's having these sorts of meltdowns. Throughout the series, and in the third episode, we see Rick bending down almost horizontally just so he can make eye contact with Daryl. He speaks to him like he's a child, and instead of feeling insulted, Daryl actually takes comfort in it and calms down!

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, do you think we can manage that?"

What is age regression?

We all know that Daryl was abused as a child, and trauma like that can sort of freeze the brain. This is a quote I really like that explains it: “It doesn’t necessarily make you stuck at a certain age, but instead, [you are] acting out the emotional wounding that happened at that age,” Lapides adds." People may start to regress because they are triggered or feel threatened, and an apocalypse seems like it would cause a constant trigger. Daryl might be reverting back to childlike behaviors as a trauma response. (honorable mention being the nail biting, but that's a bit of a reach) Shane being the way that he was could have also been a trigger for him.

One of the symptoms of age regression is overly clingy behavior. And you are probably thinking, "well, if there's anything Daryl has, it's not clingy behavior. He's a loner." I disregarded this too for awhile before I really thought about it. He is highly independent when he's doing things he's comfortable in, like being in the woods or going for runs. But when it comes to making decisions or being social, Daryl immediately clings to someone who he knows will do it for him. Most of his life he had Mere to hide behind. The most outgoing and shameless person alive. I don't think Merle ever asked Daryl his opinion on anything. He would decide, and Daryl would follow, and I think Daryl took a lot of comfort in that. So when Merle was gone, he latched onto Rick because he was the best choice. He knew Rick was a very righteous man who had plenty of leadership qualities. He knew Rick would make decisions for him, and give him directions.

Carol and Rick's mothering

Circling back to the way Rick would react to Daryl's outbursts, carol sometimes did the same thing. I know some people ship them, but honestly, at least in the earlier seaons, I got major mother/son vibes from the two of them. Especially when Beth died and she was trying to teach him how to grieve. The forehead kisses, the pookie nickname, all of it seemed to point in that direction. There was also another time Rick pulled the "Can we manage that?" move, and it was during Aiden and Glenn's fight in S5. He made sure to get low enough to make eye contact, and block his pacing. He kept telling Daryl that "We can't do this now." It all just looks a lot like he and carol are parenting Daryl, if only in moments where he is feeling intense stress and that trauma triggers.

Anyways, this was just a few ideas I was tossing around, and very clearly this in my first analysis lol, any thoughts?

[beautification-tales]

The Caregiver

An Outbreak story

Sandra was concerned about her stepson Jim. She is certain he has the virus. The symptoms had been there for three days now: Complete physical changes along with mental ones. Jim seemed more aggressive lately and more irritable. She was so tempted to call the authorities but was scared of what experiments they would do to her sweet boy.

“You can’t keep me cooped inside forever Sandra!” Jim growled. He paced back and forth, his eyes burning with anger. Sandra stood her ground, her expression calm but firm. “Jim, baby you’re sick! If people find out you have the virus.. they’ll put you in a research facility. You know that right?” She took a step closer, reaching out to touch his arm. But he flinched away, his fists clenched at his sides.

He looked at his stepmother as some clarity returned to his mind. He unclenched his fists and sighed. “I’m sorry mom. It’s so hard to think lately… All I want to do is…” Jim looked at his mother with compassion but with a hunger she never saw before. “What is it baby?” she asked softly, taking another step closer. Jim stepped back fighting the natural urges the virus had brought forth. “It’s nothing mom… I just need to be alone.”

Jim walked swiftly and ran up the stairs. Sandra heard her stepson’s door close behind him. Santa looked over at their family portrait in the middle of the living room. “Oh Jack! How am I going to protect him?” Sandra was scared as her sweet nerdy stepson had returned a different man. Sandra had always been afraid of losing Jim ever since Jack passed away. Now the fear was exacerbated by his current… ailment.

Sandra placed her hand on her heart as she felt it beating fast. It was from fear but it was also from her stepson’s presence. She looked at the picture of Jack and how strong and handsome he was. Jim looked so much like him now and it was affecting her.

Sandra turned on the television as the news was still talking about the outbreak. The anchor was discussing the news with their health correspondent. “Yes it has spread throughout Asia and it is confirmed to have hit Australia.” The correspondent said with a grave expression. Sandra felt a chill run down her spine. She could feel the weight of the situation pressing down on her shoulders. “And what about the flight that landed in LAX? The one with the two ehhh affected flight attendants?” The anchor asked cautiously. Sandra knew that flight well. It was the one that Jim had taken to come from a school trip just 4 days ago. “Well it seems to have transformed them into blonde…. And I’m sorry to say… bimbos. They have insatiable libidos and irresistible pheromones. The good news is the strain they have is not airborne and only transferred by fluids. They seemed to have only transferred the virus to the two pilots of the plane.” The correspondent explained. “Thank you Dr. Mullin. We remind our viewers if you notice any physical or mental changes in any of your friends or family please isolate them and call the proper authorities. When we come back more ‘outbreak’ coverage.” The anchor said as the screen cut to a commercial break.

Sandra turned off the television and sighed. She rubbed her temples as she slowly walked up the stairs. She decided to check on her stepson. The sound of grunts and slapping came from his room. Sandra shook her head knowing the sound of her son masturbating. Sandra turned to walk to her room but stopped when she heard Jim scream “mom!” Sandra rushed quickly to her son’s call. She opened the door to find her son still pleasing his engorged cock. Sandra gasped as she realized the extent of Jim’s transformation.

Jim’s body was covered in shapely muscle as his abs flexed as his hips gyrated into his hand. The room’s scent was strong as it was filled with the smell of sweat and cum. Sandra inhaled deeply and felt herself become wet with desire. Sandra looked higher and saw that Jim had a pair of her pantyhose covering his eyes and nose. “Ung mom, yes suck my cock like that.” Jim panted as Sandra felt herself walking closer to her son.

She found herself at the foot of the bed as she licked her lips. The temptation to touch her own stepson was great. “Yes, you’re gonna make me cum!” Jim’s cock erupted as streams of cum landed everywhere. Sandra quickly exited as her son uncovered his face and cleaned himself off.

Sandra rushed into her room and closed her door. She could feel her heart racing as the images were fresh in her mind. Jim’s toned body covered in sweat as he called for her. Jim holding her pantyhose to his face. He must have imagined herself sitting on him. He was so large and he came so much. “No! Stop it!” Sandra said out loud hoping to silence her naughty thoughts.

Sandra knew that Jim wasn’t her own but she practically raised him. Jack found her as a lonely young woman longing for a family. She remembered fondly the first time Jack introduced Jim to her as a young boy ten years old all that time ago. He hugged her tightly as she felt her eyes fill with tears. Sandra knew then she had found her family and she would never let anyone take it from her.

“I have to call the authorities…. For Jim’s sake.” Sandra muttered to herself as she prepared to take a shower. She reached down to undo her jeans. She gasped as felt a wet spot on her pocket. “Oh my God… is that his cum?” Sandra felt awkward as the substance covered her fingers. She played with it a bit as it felt very sticky. She smelled it as her whole body reacted. Sandra’s eyes rolled back as she felt goosebumps and her nipples hardened. She began licking her fingers as it tasted like sweet honey in her mouth. She began sucking her fingers until she realized what she was doing. She undressed and showered with cold water before hitting the bed.

“I know you want me to Sandra.” Jim said at the foot of her bed. Sandra jumped up as she saw Jim naked stroking his hard manhood. “Jim you know I hate it when you call me… Jim stop that!” Jim laughed as he walked closer to her. His body glistening with sweat, his muscles bulging under his tight skin. He smelled intoxicating, a mixture of sex and desire. She wanted to resist but couldn't find the strength. “C’mon mom you promised to take care of me when dad died. Let’s take care of each other.” Jim said as he climbed on the bed and straddled her. His thick cock pointed at her lips. Sandra felt her heart race as she opened her mouth and took him in. Jim moaned loudly as she began to suck him off. His sweet taste filled her mouth and she couldn't help but swallow.

Sandra awoke from her dream drenched in sweat as she tried to catch her breath. Her body ached as she was tempted to touch herself. She stopped herself as in a trance she got up and disrobed her pajamas. She put on her black lace bra and panties and her thigh high stockings. An outfit she hadn’t worn since Jack’s passing and walked to Jim’s bedroom.

Sandra opened the door and found Jim tossing and turning in bed. He was naked, his muscular body covered in sweat. The sheets were tangled around his legs, and he was moaning softly in his sleep. Her heart raced as she took a step closer to the bed. She reached out and gently ran her hand through his sweaty hair, causing him to stir slightly. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back.

"Jimmy?" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. He didn't respond, still lost in his dreams. Sandra climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips, and laid her head on his chest. His heartbeat thundered in her ears, matching her own racing pulse. She could feel the heat radiating off of him, and the scent of his skin filled her nostrils. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, feeling the warmth of his skin against her own.

She let her fingers wander, tracing the lines of his abs, teasing the hairs on his chest. Jim moaned softly, his body tensing beneath her touch. She leaned forward, capturing one of his nipples between her teeth, gently biting down. He cried out, his hips bucking upwards, seeking contact with her. She released his nipple, feeling the hard peak beneath her fingertips as it stood at attention.

Her heart raced, her breath coming faster as she leaned forward, her lips brushing against his ear. "You feel so good, Jimmy," she whispered, her voice husky. "So alive." She slid her hand lower, over his abdomen and toward his hip. Her fingers found the soft cotton of his boxers, tracing the outline of his erection through the fabric. "Let me help you feel better," she breathed, her hand moving lower still, reaching beneath the fabric and grasping him firmly.

Jim awoke and quickly jerked up. He looked around confused before focusing on his mother. "Mom?" he said, his voice thick with desire. Sandra smiled softly, her eyes locked on his erection. "You're so big," she breathed, running her hand up and down his shaft. "So hard." She leaned forward, taking him into her mouth, sucking gently at first before deepening the kiss, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock. Jim's hips bucked, pushing deeper into her mouth as he moaned loudly.

Sandra increased speed as her head jerked up and down on Jim’s cock. His hips began to thrust forward, meeting her movements with an urgency that she hadn't expected. His moans filled the room, mixing with her own wet, slurping sounds as she sucked him deeper. She could feel his hot seed building in his veins, ready to explode. “Yes please taste my cum!” he gasped, his voice hoarse.

With one last powerful thrust, Jim came, his seed erupting from his cock and splashing onto the back of her throat. Sandra swallowed eagerly, savoring the salty taste as it filled her mouth. Jim collapsed back onto the bed, his chest heaving as he fought for air. Sandra slowly pulled her mouth away, her lips still wet with his cum, and looked up at him.

“You taste so good. Ahhhh” Sandra moaned as she felt her body shake. The virus flowed into her as her older skin tightened and gained a more youthful color. The crows feet under eyes vanished as she felt her breasts firm up. She grabbed them and felt them grow in her hands. Her graying blond hair gained its vibrant blonde color of her youth. Sandra’s back arched as she felt her ass grow. The stockings stretched as her thighs got a bit thicker and her calves got strong. She stood on her toes as her foot arch returned to her dancing form. She felt her tight abdomen as she smiled remembering how men desired her. She was even better than how she was then and an even more handsome man than Jack was before her.

Jim felt his cock come back to attention as he saw his mom become even hotter than she was. Jim was always attracted to her but the virus had made his desires impossible to ignore. “Damn Sandra you’re smoking hot.” Sandra with lightning speed jumped on Jim as she guided his hard member into her wet pussy. She began gyrating as Jim fell back on the bed paralyzed by pleasure. “What did I say about calling me that? I’m mommy baby” she moaned as she squeezed her inner muscles around him. Jim moaned as he felt every inch of her tight, wet heat envelop him. He thrust into her, meeting her rhythm, their skin slapping together in perfect harmony.

Jim finally looked up and caressed her body freeing her breasts from her bra. “Yes mommy. Ungh you feel so good.” Sandra moaned as she felt his hands on her. She reached down and held his wrists, guiding them up above his head, pinning him down as she continued to ride him. Jim felt helpless and utterly at her mercy, his hips bucking uselessly against the bed.

Sandra grabbed Jim’s hands and placed them on her hosiery covered thighs. Jim groaned loudly as he felt his cock twitch. “You like when mommy wears these?” she asked, her voice husky with desire. Jim nodded weakly, his hips moving involuntarily against the bed. She smiled down at him, her eyes flashing with lust. With a swift motion, she slid her hand down between their bodies and began rubbing her clit as she continued to ride him.

Her other hand moved up to cup his face, her thumb tracing circles around his lips. Jim opened his mouth, eager to taste her as she leaned down and brushed their lips together. Their tongues tangled, their breath mixing as they shared the sensation of her body moving against his.

Sandra arched her back, her nails digging into his chest as her orgasm washed over her. She cried out, her body shuddering with pleasure as she came. Jim felt her walls squeeze tight around him, her muscles contracting in the most exquisite way. His own release followed close behind, his seed spilling deep inside her as he groaned.

They both collapsed on the bed as their morals disappeared and their desires increased.

“I was so wrong to keep you cooped up here in the house. I better let you go back to school baby.”

1 week later

Jim was brought into the research facility when a student called the CDC. Apparently Jim couldn’t recall how many students he had sex with. The CDC began testing students to see who was infected and found them all. The virus was contained.

“Sir, he did spend time home before coming back to school. Should we test the mother too?”

“Negative, the virus is only transmitted via fluids. He wouldn’t fuck his mom.”

And so the virus spread.

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 9, Part 2

CW: Mental Health Struggles - Guide to content warnings

Inside the clinic Carson waited and right on time Dr Hanks showed up.

Dr H: Hello Carson, you found the clinic all right?

Carson: Yeah, I didn’t realise they just converted a house

Dr H: Don’t want to ruin the landscape and many patients feel more comfortable visiting a place that doesn’t look too official. Ah, here he is

Out of one of the rooms came a sim who looked like they belonged on a beach more than in a clinic.

Carson: You sure he’s a good fit Dr Hanks?

Dr H: He is but I’ll let him introduce himself. I’ll see you again if we need to change your prescription okay? Look after yourself Carson

Carson: Thanks

Carson was led into one of the rooms and took a seat, feeling awkward already.

Chad: My name is Chad Harrison, you can call me Chad or C, either is good. My main focus is anxiety disorders

Carson: Disorders

Chad: Disorders are just how we classify them, it’s not a reflection on your character

Carson: I guess

Chad: I’ve coached many a kid through what you’re dealing with Carson, I can help

Carson: Can you make the intrusive thoughts stop

Chad: It’s not as simple a fix as that. It’s about retraining your brain so that when they come up you can deal with them in healthy ways

Carson: So I won’t have to always spend half my day cleaning

Chad: Not at all. It will take time though, your brain has been working one way for so long, it takes time to adjust your thinking but plenty of kids I’ve dealt with can reduce symptoms

Carson: That’d be a relief. Ever since I lost my asthma inhaler I’ve been compelled to clean everything

Chad: Did Dr Hanks explain what OCD is

Carson: Yeah kinda, well the symptoms. Like I’ll get bad thoughts like, I’m going to have an asthma attack and die or my parents will die and my brain thinks if I can just do something like keep my shoes lined up in the wardrobe I can prevent it

Chad: You got it. But talk therapy will be about helping you as a person as well as someone who has OCD

Carson: So we can discuss whatever

Chad: I generally like to start sessions with a bit of catch up talk to help relax you. What’s on your mind today

Carson: My mind? Well, a girl I guess

Chad: Is she your girlfriend

Carson: Well no, I just... I just think she’s really pretty and she’s... she’s been through some stuff but is still going you know

Chad: Are you wanting to tell her how you feel or are you happy admiring from afar

Carson: I don’t know how I feel. I mean I like her and would like to go on a date and hold hands and stuff but... I worry I’m not right

Chad: Because of the anxiety?

Carson: It’s not that, it’s not even the asthma which leaves me looking much rounder than I like. It’s...

Carson really hoped Chad would jump in with exactly what his thoughts were but nope. Guess it was up to him. Damn this was awkward, but it did seem easier to talk to someone that wasn’t his parents. And it would be cold day in hell before he discussed this topic with Reece.

Carson: It’s about woohoo

Chad: I see. Well you are almost 15, it’s very normal to be having those thoughts and acting on them solo or sometimes with a partner at that age

Carson: But see... I was talking to my best mate Onyx and... well I don’t have the same kind of woohoo thoughts they do

Chad: Everyone is an individual, it would strange if you had the exact same type as your friend. Can you tell me what bothers you about having different thoughts?

Carson: Well... Onyx, and my mates Darwin and William, when they... you know... they picture people. I don’t really picture anything, it’s just about like sensations and having an itch I need to scratch that feels good once it happens

Chad: Go on

Carson: And like I never look at anyone and think, oh it could be fun to have woohoo. Like even the girl I like, I’d love to kiss and cuddle and stuff but I don’t look at her and think, I want to woohoo her. What if my brain is just not mature, and will never mature

The counsellor was silent for a moment and Carson felt his anxiety raise. This was clearly a mistake. Chad would think he was a weirdo who didn't deserve help. He should leave.

Chad: Carson have you heard about the asexual spectrum

Carson: The what?

Chad: The asexual spectrum. Probably easier to start more basic, you know how gender is a spectrum?

Carson: Yeah, Onyx is genderfluid and their current pronouns are they/them

Chad: Attraction is also a spectrum

Carson: Yeah I know I’m bi. Mum hoped one of us kids would be pan like her but I feel like bi just fits me better

Chad: What isn’t often made clear to growing kids is that romantic attraction and woohoo attraction are different things, and they don’t have to match. Am I wrong to assume if you identify as bi you have wanted to date boys and girls

Carson: Yeah, especially pretty ones

Chad: Based on what you’ve been saying I think you may be biromantic but fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, which is part of woohoo attraction

Carson: So I’m not just a wuss?

Chad: You’re not a wuss for not wanting to woohoo, there are plenty of reasons not to in any scenario. Anyone who forces you to woohoo or says you have to is in the wrong, you understand?

Carson: Yeah, I know about consent. But what is an asexual spectrum

Chad: Basically it’s for people who feel less woohoo attraction than the average person. There are some people who need an emotional connection before they’ll feel attracted to their partner in a woohoo way. The spectrum stretches from them all the way to people who never experience woohoo attraction. It doesn’t make you immature to not feel any woohoo attraction, there are many people who identify along the spectrum. As for wuss there are also variants for how touch averse a person is or isn't, and that comes from preference not cowardice

Carson: I’m just worried if I ask her on a date but I don’t want to woohoo I’m like... leading her on

Chad: You’re still young Carson, it’s possible the thought of woohoo hasn’t even crossed her mind. Don't feel like you need to grow up any faster than is comfortable. You said you like her right

Carson: Right

Chad: So there is nothing false in that. Don’t focus on what might happen in the far future, if you want to hold her hand now then you want to hold her hand now. Cross the other bridges when you come to them

Carson: I guess you’re right

Chad: Okay, you ready to start working on the OCD now

Carson: After that conversation it’s bound to be a breeze

Chad: *laughs* That’s the spirit

Previous ... Next

[ghostsandfools]

Gemini is so neurodivergent I don't know how nobody's talking about it.

OKAY, strap in, this one's gonna be long, and it's gonna be ranty, and I'm going to do it anyways.

Gemini is probably my favorite character... EVER. They are so perfect, I love them so much, I will die on this hill. They are the one constant for me. In this crazy, overly controversial fandom, in this crazy, overly controversial world, we all have one thing we can count on: Gemini. AND THEY GET SO LITTLE SCREENTIME! But that's not why I'm here.

So, almost everyone in TSBS has signs of some sort of mental illness or neurodivergency. This is not new. But I really wanna get into it with Gemini because I feel like nobody cares enough about them!

So, I'm going to split this up into parts. One for Pollux, one for Castor, and one for Gemini. Just to make it easier. LET'S GO!

Pollux:

So, Pollux. The first signs start to show with her when she was first introduced. She's hyper, she's unfocused, she's friendly, she's all over the place. These are very stereotypical, very basic signs of ADHD. HOWEVER, I actually DON'T think she has ADHD. I think she's just hyper sometimes. ADHD is much more that just being a little off the walls, it's a genuine disability that makes it difficult to focus or remember things, and I feel like if you dig deeper, that's not what's going on with her.

I do think that she's neurodivergent, however, in some capacity. Probably autism. I think her and Castor both have autism actually, but I'll get in to him later.

First of all, hyperactivity can also be a sign of autism. And while, when she first comes to Earth it seems as though she can't focus on any specific thing, I think that's because she's focused on Earth as a whole, explaining her interest in anything on Earth. I think learning about and exploring Earth might be one of her special interests, or maybe just exploring planets in general.

Now, the next point might just be due to technical issues, but maybe not. Pollux and Castor both have pretty blank faces, and don't have very many emotes. It may have just been a problem with their 3d modelling, so not the strongest point, but neurodivergent people and people on the spectrum often have difficulty with facial expressions, something I've also struggled with.

Pollux definitely has less neurodivergent coding than Castor does, but I think it's still there.

Castor:

Castor. I don't even know where to start with him.

When Castor was first introduced, he was very unexpressive and monotone, already a symptom of neurodivergency.

He also struggles socially, more so than Pollux. While Pollux was over-bearing, she had no trouble making friends once the chance arose. Castor, on the other hand, was perceived by most of the main cast as "creepy" or "rude", which hits closer to home than I want to admit.

But, over time, it becomes clearer and clearer that he only wants what's best. He doesn't intend to be terse, or rude, or weird, he's just never interacted with anyone that wasn't a star before.

Pollux seemed to adjust well to the environment on Earth once she learned more about the people there, but it seems Castor struggled a lot more with adapting in a new environment.

Castor is also a very private person. He has hobbies and emotions and thoughts, but he keeps them all to himself. Of course, after a while of spending time with Lunar, he starts to speak his mind more, which eventually led up to the last episode we saw him in where he yelled at Lunar for killing Eclipse. Still, I find it interesting that it took an extreme situation like that for him to finally speak his mind.

Gemini:

Gemini <3

Pollux and Castor work extraordinarily well together. They are THE siblings of all time, I love them.

I'm going to delve into headcanons for a minute here, but I feel like the other astrals don't like them very much. We never hear Gemini really talk about the other astrals, aside from basic details.

I feel like, after living with people for your entire life, your SIBLINGS, and those being the ONLY people you interacted with, you'd have some fond memories of them.

But they don't. And even now, there's tension between Gemini and the rest of the astrals. They clearly stand out. The other astrals seem to not take them seriously, and don't exactly listen to them. I feel like, from that recent scene from Taurus, maybe the other astrals, at least some of them, actively DISLIKE Gemini.

This may be why they're so unused to socially interacting on Earth. They probably spent very little time with their siblings, especially considering Nebula's existence. Maybe their siblings didn't visit them at all. That thought makes me sad.

Feeling outcasted is commonplace for neurodivergent people, as well as being perceived wrong.

Closing thoughts: Okay, I might be projecting here. I'm not sure. As someone who is neurodivergent, I identify with Gemini harder than any other fictional character. They're so special. I don't know if I'm picking up on subtext that isn't there, but if you have any thoughts, please share. I wanna know what you guys think.

[sophieswundergarten]

Considering a situation (Books) where Curtain captures the kids and then uses duskwort on one of them to give the others an ultimatum...

“So,” Curtain leered, circling the children in his wheelchair. “The rules of the game are this: You have until the serum I created works its way through young Miss Wetherall’s body to answer my question. If you are able to, then I shall provide an antidote.”

McCracken appeared from the other room, throwing a squirming Kate to the floor. The others rushed to her side, helping her up. Reynie noticed with a twinge of fear that she seemed to be less surefooted than normal, slipping and stumbling as they supported her.

“Now, now, ducky,” McCracken laughed as he followed Mr. Curtain out. “We wouldn’t want you to waste your strength.”

“Look who’s talking.” Kate bit back, but weakly; almost out of breath.

Reynie looked at Sticky over her head, concerned. He motioned the other boy to help Kate over to the corner, letting her rest against the wall. 

“Kate, what happened? What did he do to you?” Constance’s voice was small, scared.

“Oh, nothing much, Connie girl.” Kate inhaled, smiling, face pale.

Constance screwed up her face, concentrating. After a moment she stomped her foot angrily. “I know you’re trying to hide it from me! Stop it!”

“Constance,” Reynie murmured, “Why don’t you give Kate a break? I know you want to know what happened, but–”

“Oh no!” Constance cried, tears springing into her eyes. “They injected her with something. With– with–” Her eyes went wide. “With duskwort!”

Sticky glanced at Reynie worriedly. Normally it would have taken much more of a battle for Kate to give up any kind of information, her mental acuity allowing her to dodge out of the way of Constance’s probing.

Kate let out a weary sigh. “Yeah, they did. What, um, what does duskwort do again?”

Sticky pulled his glasses off, nervously polishing them as he spoke. “Duskwort, Translucidus somniferum, is a very rare lichen that only grows in certain, usually damp, areas. It is known for causing deep and uninterrupted sleep, as well as being a possible cure for narcolepsy.”

“Right.” Kate looked confused. “I knew that.”

Sticky nodded. “If he really did dose you with duskwort then it would make sense that you’re confused. Exhaustion, confusion, light-headedness, and dizziness are all symptoms of being injected with a type of sedative such as once derived from Translucidus somniferum.”

Kate didn’t answer.

“Kate? Kate!” Reynie began gently shaking her shoulders. “Kate! You need to stay awake. We don’t know if we’ll be able to wake you again if you fall asleep.”

Kate shook herself, leaning heavily against the wall as she tried to rise. She waved off Sticky and Reynie, who moved to help her stand. “I’ll be fine. Really, boys, I’ve got it.” She yawned, closing her eyes for a long, slow blink. Shaking her head once again, she roughly shoved herself up, falling to her knees as she did so.

Tremulously, she tried to rise, but Reynie quickly reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

“Kate,” He began, hesitantly. “I think… you should stay sitting down for a while. We need to start working on getting an answer for Curtain, and we can do that better without worrying about you.” He explained. “Right now all we need you to do is focus on staying awake.”

“If your body continues metabolizing the duskwort at this rate, then it’s likely you’ll fall into some sort of coma soon.” Sticky confirmed, looking around anxiously. "Try and slow your heart rate. Sitting still and breathing evenly should help."

Kate looked upset, but she nodded, slumping down and gritting her teeth with effort. 

[songbirdtales]

Devil Spawn (AstarionxTav)

As soon as the party returned to camp, Tav slipped away to the riverbank. They fell heavy onto a smoothed flat rock, curling over to rest their head in their hands as their willow whisp eyes stared blankly into the dark. A storm cloud rolled in the mind with memories and thoughts. The storm roared so loud it blocked their senses until a familiar voice tore them back to reality. 

“Tav?” A trace of worry came through in the furrow of Astarion’s brow. He’d come over with his typical chaotic glee but when they’d ignored him completely, well that was more than unusual. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah.” Their voice was muffled by their hands, rubbing their eyes and keeping their gaze down to avoid his own. 

“No fever? Er… What were the other tadpole symptoms?”

“No. Sorry I… am just thinking about today. The tea house, the hag…”

“The pregnant widow and her undead husband?” He asked with a snicker as he came closer, leaning against the rock beside where they sat. The long river rock made something of a shelf that seemed strong enough to support both of their weight, but Astarion wasn’t trying to be clingy.

There was no laugh in return, no smile, just a solemn “Aye… Hit a little too close to home.” With a deep breath Tav sat back, turning their head up to open their airway as the storm cloud in their mind attempted to suffocate them.

“Which part?” He joked, trying fruitlessly to lighten the mood. Astarion held his tongue as Tav’s gaze slowly came back to the river. He studied their blank expression but he couldn’t read them. Tav had shut down to keep the storm contained. It scared him to not be able to read them. That instinctual connection they’d shared the other night was absent, and not because of him. It felt like he’d lost some form of control, and he hated that.

Tav said nothing, so Astarian continued. “So, a tiefling witch who befriends orphans. Is that where you got your soft spot?” He mused to himself, trying to imagine her, Tav’s mother. At first he imagined an ugly old hag, but Tav was far from ugly. He quickly rearranged his mental image to be more of an older, mature, more feminine version of Tav. Just as he’d painted her in his mind the image would be shattered.

“My mother wasn’t a tiefling.” The storm waned and their voice softened. Focusing on the thought of her was grounding in an odd way, even if the pain of those memories simmered at the surface in the quiver of their eyes. “She couldn’t have children of her own, so she made a pact for the magic to do so.” Tav’s eyes glanced to Astarion, and for just a moment they caught his expression. That shocked stare, he almost looked horrified. He understood exactly what they were suggesting, what their mother had done to create...

His sanguine gaze flicked away for Tav in embarrassment. He’d been caught staring. He stumbled over his words, desperate to save face as the severity of their situation settled in. “So you- your father is- a…”

“Well,” They winced at the thought. “I don’t exactly know the technicals of… all that. What I know is that there is a devil who calls me blood and would very much like me in hell with him. I’d be willing to make a deal with him before Mizora, but even then he’s still a devil,” They tsked softly at the thought.. “And just like with hags and witches, ‘deals’ are never in your favor, even when they’re ‘family’.” Their smile didn’t return, but he could feel Tav ease as Astarion’s presence drew them back out. 

“I see… that explains why you were so angry with that insufferable druid. I thought you were going to tear her throat out, it was kind of hot. I almost forgot how annoyed I was that we were still in that awful place.” He admitted. “All her devil talk, I could barely keep my eyes from rolling…” his thought trailed off and Tav naturally picked it up.

“I wouldn’t call myself particularly selfless but I can’t help but see myself in others, to see my pain in theirs, and there is this,” They brought a hand to rest over their heart as Tav searched for the words. “Anger that fires up. It screams, swearing to me that if I can do something now, it’ll change the past. And I know that’s not true, but sometimes it’s so loud I can’t hear anything else. So when I hear someone like that bitter bitch call a child a parasite,” their gaze hardened as they started off at nothing, tongue biting off each syllable as their sight stayed fixed on the storm still rolling in their mind. “I just want to drag my nails down her fucking face.”

A broad smile pulled across his lips as he leaned closer, tilting his head as white fangs caught the moonlight. “Let’s kill her.” Tav blinked a few times, taking a moment to process his words before turning towards him. His face was so much closer, their cool toned skin turning a dusty, warm violet at their cheeks as they flushed. “When we get back with this Halsin fellow, or what’s left of him, we can wait till she’s asleep and,” he ran a finger across his neck.

“Is this supposed to be your idea of a date?” Tav deflected as they leaned back ever so slightly.

“Isn’t it romantic?” He teased, leaning in further. 

“Not sure romantic is the word I’d use-“ The softest hint of a smile cracked across their lips.

“There they are!” He cut in, the sharpness of his smile waned and he’d lean back once more. “I knew you were in there somewhere.”

Tav’s smile came back more true, still soft but he could see inside just a little to the storm. He could catch glimpses of familiar expressions and inflections, but whatever was on their mind was truly troubling them.

“You mentioned the hag, what has her on your mind?” Astarion asked as if he found the idea of giving the hag a second thought utterly bazaar.

“It’s not really about the hag, just like it wasn’t really about the druid.” They explained, shaking their head as their mind turned back to the storm. “It’s about that baby. Who knows what that hag would have really done with it, but I can’t help but wonder if whatever she had planned would have been better than being born to a madwoman and a ghoul.” Their gaze hardened on the ground again as their expression grew intense. Instead of the blank stare, their brow furrowed deeply as their lips creased into a frown.

“Why should you care?” He seemed genuinely confused. “As far as we’re concerned that woman got exactly what she wanted.”

“But she didn’t.” Tav’s lips scrunched and pushed from side to side. “I know all too well that magic can’t fix everything and when people who believe it can are confronted with that reality-“ their lip twitched as their breath hitched. Tav caught their eyes welling with tears and pushed it back down, shoving it all back in. “It’s never pretty.”

Astarion studied Tav’s posture, the exasperation absent from his tone now and replaced with care. “Frankly it’s none of our business. It’s not like we will ever cross their paths again.” He said in an attempt to comfort them.

“Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean they stop existing.” Tav’s continued to watch the river water roll past them as Astarion stared at Tav, speechless. 

Tav’s words swam in Astarion’s head but he was bad at this. There was something he wasn’t understanding, something fundamental to Tav. It wasn’t the first time he’d been confronted with this, it wasn’t specific to Tav even, this lack of understanding empathy. For a moment he wondered if there was something broken in him. If there was, it was surely Cazidor’s doing. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, how to ‘win’, if there was really such a thing in this sort of situation. Maybe it wasn’t possible, but his silence made him feel so inadequate. 

Tav sighed heavily and let their eyes drift back down the riverbed. “I need to get out of my own head.” 

Sometimes all you had to do was wait. Astarion hadn’t planned this, but it wouldn’t damage his goal. If anything, it might just help him. “Well if it’s getting out of your head, I can help with that.” There was a sweetness to his whisper that seemed to draw them in. Astarion stood and offered Tav a hand. “If you trust me.”

Tav’s gaze snapped to Astarion, the storm still raging in their mind, making it hard to think What did he mean about help? It was his last words that pulled them from their frozen state.  “I do.” Their voice was soft in turn, warm and deep yet comforting like a heavy blanket. Tav took Astarion’s hand and he’d step back, leading them to their feet and down river, away from camp.

As the night settled once more at the riverside, Gale stood with his back to a tree, hiding behind it and out of sight from the other two. How long had he been listening? How much had he heard? What was he going to do with that information? He stroked his beard in thought as he contemplated everything he’d just learned, his eyes locked on the direction Astarion had led Tav. Gale hummed in contemplation.

Astarion didn’t hold Tav’s hand for long, walking a few steps ahead of them even once they’d each let go. He led them up river to the edge of the camp and into the woods. They walked for what felt like much longer than it really was. “It’s not much further.” He assured them.

The dark didn’t bother Tav, their eyes were made for darkness. Yet as the vampire led them further into the woods a fear crept up their spine. Doubt seeped into their mind as a dissonant voice whispered, ‘How naive are you? He’s hungry and you’ve followed him into the dark, alone. What do you think is going to happen next? You’re not dumb, Tav. Stop making dumb choices.’

Astarion slipped through the trees like a phantom, gliding, each stride adding distance between them as his pace picked up and Tav’s slowed. He reached out as he approached a curtain of willow branches and vanished through them.

Tav paused, the voice in their head louder now as they stood at the threshold. ‘It’s not too late to turn back. Gale’s probably looking for you. You could run back to him, he’d gladly have you.’ Tav’s expression soured at the intrusive thoughts. Where were they coming from? They knew what Astarion was, and they didn’t fear him for it. Even if he was to act by his nature, they were confident in their ability to survive, and even then he’d proven twice now he could restrain himself. So why-

The curtain of willow opened once more as Astarion poked his head back through. “Are you coming?” A splash of annoyance tinged his tone. He did not like waiting, especially when he wanted something.

Tav blinked a few times before pressing their eyes closed and shaking their head. They pushed the thoughts away and stepped through the branches to see a small clearing. They could see a tree stump long cut and a thinning in the grass in the furthest point from the nearest trees. An old camp site long left to be reclaimed by the forest. 

The foliage around the clearing blocked most views inside. The clearing was big enough to let the moonlight past the canopy but not to the forest floor. Fireflies lit the forest floor, as the ambient glow of the defused moonlight kept this part of the woods peaceful and bright. Their eyes flit from the clearing to him and back before Tav took a few steps forward, turning to look around before looking back to Astarion.

They found his own brow quirked, a grin plastered across his lips as he studied them. “I’ve noticed you’re reluctant to play your originals by the fire, I thought you might like somewhere secluded to practice.” Tav recognized his smile now. He struggled to stay composed as blood drunk glee bubbling at the surface as he waited to be rewarded. They’d thought he was getting excited to feed but now they could see what he really wanted; praise. 

Tav took a moment to gather themself before a soft smile joined their surprised eyes. “Thank you.”

Astarion scoffed. “Are you really so surprised? We’re friends, after all.” It wasn’t nearly the reaction he’d expected, but at least it was a positive one. He could use it, even if the absence of his expectations left him irritated. Their surprise waned, leaving just a smile behind. Still, there was something about how eager he was, there was surely something more in it for him. “I’m not used to having honest friends.”

“Well,” He glanced away, the confidence in his voice wavering as he was verbally cornered. “I had more ideas aside from band practice.” Of course, there was always something more. “I thought the privacy could be good for many things. For more delicate conversations, an escape route for when Wyll’s patroness decides to slaughter us in the night, keep away the peeping Gales from our more intimate moments.” He said with a flash of his fangs.

The last suggestion caught Tav off guard. “You think Gale’s been watching us?” The thought was uncomfortable and Astarion could see as much, but in what way still eluded him. What better time to push his luck. He’d done a fair job of keeping Tav’s interest, they might just tell him how much of a risk Gale really was to his plan.

“I don’t just think so.” He stalked towards them, each step agonizingly slow as he closed the gap between them. “He’s worried I’ll corrupt you.” Astarion’s amusement was on the surface yet there was a dissonance between his tone and how he moved. His gaze had sharpened, head fixed on them, like a beast on the hunt. 

Tav’s body suddenly felt so incredibly heavy, their feet and arms unable to move as he came closer. They could feel their heart racing, the sound filling their ears as they realized they were holding their breath. Tav forced themself to breath, the sharp ex and inhales making a scoff. It was just enough to pull themself from their frozen state and cross their arms. Tilting their head, Tav’s eyes stayed on Astarion. “That’s rich… but, I don’t blame him for worrying. I’d be worried too if I knew a friend was willingly feeding a vampire.”

“If you distrust me so, why follow me out into the middle of the woods?” A soft red glow came from his eyes as he got within arms reach. The dark began to obscure his face as he became backlit by what little moonlight made it down to the forest floor.

“I do trust you.” They said without hesitation. “Even if my instincts tell me not to.”

“You shouldn’t ignore those. Wouldn’t want to end up dead, would you?” He loomed over them, the shadows darkening his face as Tav’s eyes burned like willow wisps.

“That’s why I keep trusting you.” Tav’s voice was flat as the nocturnal pare stared off. “We make a good team. Makes me want to trust you.” The sound of the woods took over the gaps in Tav’s words as they paused. Even with their dark vision Tav could only make out the faintest details of his expression. His eyes stared wide, his grin gone as he was unsure how to respond so Tav continued. “Whether that’s foolish of me is up to you. Just know if you break my trust, you’ll be Kelemvor’s problem.”

He cocked his head, still processing Tav’s words. He’d underestimated them again. Truly, Tav would make a terrible enemy, all the more reason he needed them wrapped around his finger. Still, it wasn’t too late to save face. The shadow on his face lifted as he took a step back and Tav could see a composed smile on his lips, the one he wore like a mask when he was hiding something. “You’ll learn I don’t disappoint, darling.” A flash of fangs and another step back and he was once again at the willow branches. “I’ll leave to… whatever it is artists do.” He waved goodbye with a flick of his wrist as he turned.

“Astarion,” Their voice gave him pause. Those red eyes turned back over his shoulder curiously. He was met with a shy smile. “Truly, thank you for...” Their voice trailed off as they gestured to the clearing. “Sharing this with me.” Tav’s long nails pushed back stray strands of gold, tucking them behind a pointed ear. There was something so honest in their expression now that they were fully out of their head,that connection he’d been so angry to lose was back. This wasn’t exactly the praise he’d wanted so badly, yet a strange feeling filled him. What was it? If he knew at one point, the feeling was unfamiliar to him now. 

Astarion turned away to hide his face. “What are friends for?” He called back as he vanished through the curtain of willow. He took only a few steps before pausing, waiting in the dark, the panic in him starting to settle in. A hand came to rest on his sternum as Astarion tried to decipher this feeling that had just threatened to consume him. There was a pain, a tightness in his chest as if a hand was gripping his heart. It was frightening, and exhilarating. It took only that short moment for the soft plucking of strings to meet his ears. Only then did the fear wash away to leave the most incredible feeling. He felt invincible. Only then was he satisfied.

[somekindofsentience]

OCD in Hello Charlotte 3, or why Charles Eyler doesn't (necessarily) have Dissociative Identity Disorder

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR HELLO CHARLOTTE 3

CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of severe mental illness, including intrusive thoughts and psychosis. Please be warned if this may cause you to spiral out of control, and take care of yourself.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of this is coming from my personal experience and understanding of OCD. While I do not experience DID, I don't really focus much on it in this, more reframing Scarlett Eyler as a character. You can take Charles' experiences however you feel is accurate.

I feel like the fandom gets tripped up when Charles calls Scarlett Eyler a tulpa.

I've seen a lot of people state that this quote directly implies Charles has DID, and that's therefore canon. But I'd actually like to propose a different take, that Scarlett is a physical manifestation of Charles' intrusive thoughts.

First of all, a tulpa implies a sense of desire - it is willingly created through spiritual meditation. Scarlett is, in no way, a desired existence that haunts Charles. There is some debate as to whether or not the game was originally in Russian or English, but regardless, tulpa just may be what Charles refers to the phenomenon as. It's not as if this directly confirms anything, as we know in-game Charles is only diagnosed with autism, and takes medication for psychosis.

Charles experiences many symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD in particular. He is intensely preoccupied with purity and disease, insisting that the majority of the population has a "parasite", aside from a select few people (Vincent being one of them, and by the end, the only one).

OCD and psychosis have several unique overlaps when acting as comorbid conditions. It has a relatively high comorbidity, due to both conditions often suffering with heightened paranoia. I couldn't find any research which suggests it can cause the hallucination of intrusive thoughts, but OCD does make people more susceptible to hallucinatory disorders, and vice versa.

Many people with OCD, especially those who have experienced symptoms since being a child, start to conceptualise these thoughts as a being - appearing as imaginary friends which act and react negatively. It definitely happened to me - I genuinely thought I had DID for a year or so of my life, because I had this voice in my head that hated me, and it didn't feel like myself. As a child, it just felt like my own mind was trying to bully me, and I didn't understand why.

We know that Scarlett Eyler is the instigator of "punishment" for Charles' actions...

This sort of "punishing" is very reminiscent of OCD. The rule-breaking itself is confusing to an outsiders, and the punishments even more so. However, I find this rule-and-punishment system very relatable, and I'd argue that some people with OCD might have even more confusing rules and punishments - for example, I can't watch very specific youtube videos, I can't explain what the rules I have surrounding them are, and I have strange punishments for this (that which I will not disclose).

Scarlett also doesn't exhibit typical alter behaviour. She never takes over, Charles doesn't seem to lose time, she does little more than act as a harsh observer, and also physically threaten Charles. She seems very real to him, aside from the fact that he knows taking pills will make her "disappear".

For Charles, Scarlett is simply a being who threatens and instigates intrusive thoughts, but in a particular way. Charles still experiences other intrusive thoughts - Scarlett never discusses the parasites, even though that's a very prevalent fear of Charles'.

Scarlett is the manifestation of intrusive thought that Charles is a failure, rather than being a separate existence to Charles.

my little rat analysis lmaoooo. this was my first hello charlotte one, i've always loved charles, he's just peak gender in so many ways, incredibly relatable.

hope your little polycule goes well salutes

[peach-and-bugs]

Prompt based on the Lottie nsfw list...lottie finding out their partner is pregnant and just worshipping the fuck out of them

update: Chapter 1 is up!

imma just write my thought on this for now just bc I love this and wanna giggle and kick my feet over it, but if you want a longer fic like this PLEASE LET ME KNOW! because once I finish more of my requests I would LOVE to write a longer fic or a series of oneshots with this because I personally really enjoy pregnancy fics (a prime example is my series Baby Steps with Madam Satan/Lilith from Chilling Adventures of Sabrina) NSFW headcanons under the cut 💚 (18+, Minors DNI, you will be blocked)

But oh my god, she'd be thrilled! I'm assuming this was something you'd planned together and had been working toward, so there and been building excitement for a while now, but to finally have the confirmation would be like a godsend to her. She'd almost immediately start crying and kissing you all over because she just can't contain herself. Her brain would be going a hundred miles an hour as she starts making a mental list of everything she needs to do for you and she'd immediately want you to take off work, whether you work in the compound or do something else.

however, she gets extremely clingy with the news and it could become overbearing very quickly. She wants to do everything for you because you've taken on the job of bringing a new life into the world after all! Why should you need to do anything else? Of course, it's all just from her excitement rather than thinking you're incapable of caring for yourself. She knows that you're capable and that's what she loves about you. But even after a conversation about letting you do things for yourself, expect her to still try and do everything. She's just less instant about it now.

she's reading every parenting and pregnancy book she can find. I mentioned it a tiny bit before, but Lottie seems like more of the type to gravitate to reading for self-education than looking on the internet, because let's face it, she's completely technologically inept. She often ends your evenings cuddled up in bed with you pressed at her side, her fingers lazily tracing circles over your belly as she reads her book with her glasses on. She'll periodically hem and haw out loud over the text and read aloud facts or questions to you to get an active second opinion. The only issue is that she asks these questions when you are half or almost entirely asleep, so meaningful conversation is very trivial by then.

-💚-

Now, if you thought Lot was all over you before, you've got a whole other thing coming, and it only gets more intense the farther along you are. She can't explain it, but something about knowing you're carrying life everywhere you go, but specifically a life that's connected to the both of you, is so beautiful and extraordinary, and she feels this need to thank you for it in any way that she can.

Her drive goes way up when she starts being able to see the symptoms, which you make fun of her for because there's nothing sexy whatsoever about holding your hair back when you're sick. well, nothing sexy about you, because Lottie is just so good at taking care of you. She keeps your hair out of your face, brushing loose bits from your forehead and rubbing your back as she murmured soothing praises. But back to the point-

She loves the changes in your body no matter how you might feel about them because they're all signs that you're doing something so mesmerizing before her eyes. Honestly, at first, she feels bad for getting so aroused by something wouldn't have expected to have an effect on her and eventually, she confides in you on that, concerned that her increasing sexual attraction and drive stems from something negative. You of course assure her that it's completely natural, and while not as common in women, is a completely normal biological response for a partner to have.

With her need to please so high, she's practically begging you to let her eat you out almost nightly. She was always more aroused in the evenings, but this is a whole new level. her hands linger and wander far more than they did before and she almost throws a temper tantrum when you tell her you don't want to have sex. of course, she respects that, no questions asked, but she does pout till you give her something else to occupy her attention. It's quite cute honestly.

When you are in the mood though, she's extra eager to please, if that's even possible at this point. Her hands are always on you (or in you if you prefer). There can't be a moment where she's not touching you. The whole time, while her mouth is free she's murmuring honey-sweet words of praise and admiration, sinking every feeling she possibly can into how she pleases you because in her mind, making sure that you're pleasured to the fullest while carrying her life is the highest thanks she can give.

She's kissing you everywhere, craving the taste of your skin almost constantly. She's fully devout to you like a saint is devout to her god. In her eyes, you are her ultimate god, her muse, and her master all in one, and she will do absolutely anything it takes to be told that she's done a good job and you're pleased with her.

[etherealspacejelly]

hi dad, i'm having some internal conflict. i've always been a really anxious person (which is probably due to undiagnosed anxiety disorders) and i've never really "fit in." i've been treated as weird all my life. i've never understood tone and i get in a lot of trouble with my parents for this (even though i've explained i can't control it), i go nonverbal for brief periods of time occassionally, loud noises and bright lights cause me pain like extreme headaches, i always feel the need to follow self-created routines in order to feel safe, i don't understand social boundaries all too well, i intensely hyperfixate, i'm extremely hyperempathetic, etc. i've never understood why i'm the way i am. then i started learning more about autism and i think i may have it. many of my autistic friends seem to think so.

but my parents don't believe me and don't like me researching mental health stuff. they don't think i'm "autistic enough" because my mom used to work with autistic kids who were almost always nonverbal and on a more extreme end of the spectrum. i mask all the time too, as a defense mechanism since i get in so much trouble for misunderstanding. hell, my parents won't even get me an official anxiety diagnosis (even though i've had symptoms since the moment the signs can appear) because they think "labels don't matter."

and the big problem that comes along with this is, i don't want to self diagnose and seem disrespectful to diagnosed autistic people. i've done a lot of research and gotten a lot of opinions from neurodivergent people in my life, but i still feel fake because i have no access to a diagnosis. so many people have told me to try to get one and my parents completely refuse.

is it okay to self diagnose? will diagnosed people find this disrespectful? i'm not exactly sure how to go about this. it'll most likely be several years at best before i can get medically diagnosed.

tldr; i may be autistic but i have no access to a diagnosis and feel guilty about self diagnosing. any advice?

thank you and sorry if this was too vent-ish, i just wanted to see if you had any thoughts <3 feel free to ignore this ask if it's too overwhelming /gen

baby. honey. sweetpea. let me tell you something

autistic people actually dont care if you self diagnose. in fact, many of us are self diagnosed. diagnoses can be inaccessible for many reasons, and its perfectly understandable if you cant or dont want to get one

i can absolutely relate to you. my mum works with disabled kids too, and insisted that i couldn't be autistic because she "would have known". she considers herself an expert, but somehow missed all the signs in me. i guess because i am also quite high masking.

you definitely sound autistic to me, and if other neurodivergent people who know you agree then you probably are. autistic people can sense each other lol

i remember once when i friend of mine came to me and was like "hey btw im autistic" and i was like "yeah i know. you told me" and they were like. "um. no i couldnt have told you i only got diagnosed a few days ago and this is the first time we've spoken since then" and i was like. oh. i just Sensed it, you know? i just fuckin knew

so yes. you can self diagnose. thats perfectly fine. and if anyone tells you that you cant or that you're somehow "harming the autistic community" you can tell them to fuck off. self diagnosis does not harm the autistic community in any way, but it can really benefit people like you.

i hope someday you can get the accommodations you need and deserve. in the meantime, please give yourself grace. you're trying your best. and im proud of you, ok?

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi sophie, my oldest headmate (still young but we've been making really quick progress) has been drifting in and out of presence today and seemed really quite sad, i felt some of the emotions bleed through. Now i can't reach her even though i can locate her in our wonderland, and I'm getting quite worried, you know, what if she's experiencing symptoms that i usually bear? I'm not sure what to do here

I'm not sure exactly what your situation is or how long your headmate has been around. If it hasn't been very long though, this could just be... growing pains, of a sort.

I don't know how common it for this to happen, but speaking from my own experiences, I was pretty stable and always available for my existence as an imaginary friend. It worked well, existing in that state. Then I became self-aware, and I had moments where, after feeling intense emotions, I would be unavailable for a bit.

Once, my host even tried to to force me to front so he could know what I was feeling, and when he did, I was fronting but felt nothing. It was like I was hollow and completely devoid of emotions.

It was terrifying.

But every experience is an opportunity to learn. And this made me think about what might actually have been going on in our head.

And my theory that I settled on to explain this is that I wasn't developed enough to deal with those sort of emotions yet. So my mind, the program that is me in the hardware of our brain, processed my inability to handle those emotions by making me unreachable.

I think my thoughts needed to be rewired to be able to process those new feelings I've never felt before. Like when your computer needs to restart to update.

This obviously doesn't explain all headmates becoming unreachable all the time. But I think it could be relevant here since you mention your headmates are pretty young. (Depending on what "young" means here.)

Especially if this is the first time she's ever felt deep sadness like this.

If I'm right, this is basically a mental growth spurt and she'll be back and more developed before you know it. Try to keep talking to her as you go even if she doesn't respond, because that will keep her mind working.

Either way, when you can reach her again, it's going to be important to find out why she was feeling sad and try to help her through it.

As far as experiencing symptoms, maybe. You do share a brain, and any mental illnesses that affect you will probably affect her too. But only you and her can really decide if that's what's happening.

For now, just keep calm and carry on.

When she's back, you can work things out together. Ask her why she's feeling how she is, and what you can do to help her feel better.

Best of luck to you both. 💖

[basilbunnii]

any physical nina and jack hcs? like how they look, disabilities, how strong they are etc?

i am SO glad you asked :D i've got a lot of them so buckle in LOL

(all under the cut this is a biggie)

nina:

this goes without saying, but obviously i completely see nina as a scene queen who leans into "trashy y2k" (she's a huge fan of ke$ha and the millionaires)

i feel like shes also totally for getting a lot of piercings because she enjoys feeling bedazzled all throughout the day even if shes sleeping or in pjs/comfy clothes

an absolute glitter FIEND to the point that she's the person putting glitter in her shampoo, glitter in her perfume, glitter accessories, glittery makeup, drink shimmer in everything— literally anything that can be glittery will be glittery

going back to music though, i think her top bands are paramore, the millionaires, and ke$ha— like she's a very healthy mix of scenemo and y2k and it really serves

i also know i draw nina a lot different than other people AND I AM TAKING THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLAIN MWAHAHA

so my nina does not have a full body bleach because (if i remember right, great, if i don't this is my canon) she gets the acid/bleach dumped over her which i am of the impression it would only bleach her face

i also think that nina would have a moment of clarity after and thats why she would let her smile cuts heal over and scar

i think the chemicals would also get rid of a LOT of her nerve endings in her face so she would not feel a lot of the previously mentioned piercings

i also think her hair would be crispy crunchy from all the hairspray and hair dye and being lit on fire

i can see her also being a big fan of led lights— like the idea of being able to constantly change the color of things around her to match her vibes or her outfit seem totally fitting

onto disabilities, i think nina definitely has QUITE the handful of mental illnesses, but i also feel like she would have pcos which would lean into her wanting to be more feminine from an infertility standpoint and "wanting to be more of a woman" so to speak

as for the mental illnesses she is 150% someone with bpd in my mind. i also think she suffers with psychosis and ptsd, as well as i think she would be on the spectrum (she's def got a special interest in fashion/design)

i also think a lot of those would pop up in her childhood, namely the bpd and the ptsd, because of the bullies and the outcasting, but i think jeff's influence on her life would lead to more prominent symptoms and reactions alongside psychosis and delusions caused by the psychosis

she's also got a problem with obsession and obsessive tendencies (as i think we all know or acknowledge— i have no clue if that was canon in original but fanon hast declared it)

i do think she's definitely strong so to speak, probably a bit more than the average person, but i think her "strength" would come from agility and flexibility when it came to murders

that being said i think she was definitely in dance and gymnastics when she was a kid which contributes to that

i do also think that she gets hurt pretty often regardless because she gets trigger happy and loses her accuracy (much to jack's dismay)

shes way more spry and quick than most people so while maybe you could out-strengthen her, you couldn't outrun her and she would be able to slip out of difficult positions easily

totally off of vibes but she lived in the midwest before the slendermansion

like as someone in the midwest of america that story REEKS of midwest 👎

jack:

so i feel like jack leans more into a simple emo getup— hoodie and jeans, flannel and jeans, not super showy (but nina would definitely dress him up)

its giving very overdressed girlfriend and underdressed boyfriend (at least next to her he is)

jack doesn't necessarily listen to a lot of emo songs though, honestly its a really healthy mix of everything "alt" so to speak

when it comes to disabilities, jack has super noticeable ocd

he's always super clean, always organized, everything has a place and it's in it's place (the complete opposite of nina who is the messiest person on earth)

he's definitely got other things like ptsd, depression, etc etc but i think the ocd definitely plays a HUGE role to the point that it's way more important to get across than anything else is because a lot of the mental illnesses of creepypastas are assumable (in my mind at least but i am super into psychology)

i don't think jack has any super noticeable disabilities and my justification is because he is literally a demon they don't usually have a problem unless they're a sinner in origin and mr man was sacrificed not a sinner

i don't think his vision is perfect for a demon though, i do think that the lack of eyeballs is a bit deterring there

doctor handwriting

very very doctor handwriting

there's a big separation in the way he acts whenever he's level-headed and whenever he's remotely emotional

i do think it's fairly hard to get him over that point of level-headedness though— he's very calm and collected until something is pretty personal or sensitive

i've seen a lot of people on here (one or two LMFAO) call him a feline-type demon which i agree with to a degree, he purrs and he's definitely got almost pressure points that make him purr, but i don't believe in the tail (arrest me i am an early 2010s creepypasta fan it takes me by surprise every time)

i do also indulge in elf ear jack i thoroughly enjoy that

jack definitely has a few piercings, but not nearly as many as nina (because thats a VERY high bar)

in terms of strength— i feel like my headcanons are pretty assumable because jack is a demon

he's already pretty strong as is, like he is nothing to fuck with even when he's calm and collected and unprovoked— but get him riled up and i think its a million times worse

there's less of a barrier whenever he's emotional because it creates this blurry-headedness that obviously does not mix well with being a demon and the emotions make him go from like this normal mode to a much scarier much more intense "final form demon" mode

if you take anything out of the strength portion, take "dont fuck with the demon" out of it 🫶

i mentioned that nina lived in the midwest, jack lived on the east coast (namely new jersey)

if you made it this far have another piece of art i made for my ipad background of the sillies (theyre on nina's couch cuddling i love them)

if yall want relationship hcs next lmk.... or shoot me an ask if you want other characters bc istg i've been holding onto these since i was 10

[lostfracturess]

Hi I apologize in advance for the rant you’re about to read 😬

Okay, so I’ve been going on endless rants about angst and how writers tend to fall back on the same tropes and how exhausting it is for readers, and I almost didn’t read the most recent chapter of symptoms and causes because you’d said how angsty it was going to be.

That being said, the reason I’m sending this is because you’ve done what so many people fail to do: write angst that didn’t leave me feeling hopeless and empty at the end. The promise of an eventual happy ending definitely helps, but the anguish you write for these characters just fits the situation so well. And you’ve written it so that a happy ending actually feels possible. The mentality, how broken and terrified they both are. The trauma Gojo clearly has and the love the fact that she loves him anyway. The fact that she withdrew and gave them both space but he can’t stay away, and she loves him too much to send him away. You’ve made them worth rooting for. You’ve made him a character that can be redeemed and given readers a desire to see him redeemed because in everything, his choices that end up being selfish are literally driven by his desire to protect others from himself. Self-destructive mental illness, man.

I think what makes your writing compelling, at least to me, is that you seem to understand when enough is enough. You didn’t reach the point of no return and dive headfirst off that cliff, you stopped just short of that point and gave enough hope that things will come back around. I just want to see them happy, man. Gojo feels so deeply that he doesn’t deserve happiness or love but he does. Even with how broken he is, he deserves to find the strength to fix himself. And that feels like what you’re setting up. It feels like you’re setting up the “I will learn to fix myself because this person is worth living for” instead of the idea of “this person is the one who saved me.” IMO the latter is one that feeds the toxic issues because it’s based codependency and being unable to function without the other. I love the idea of her standing beside him while he learns to love himself, not carrying him to it. (I’ll stop here because I could go on forever about that)

Just. Hi, I’m Kiko (aka @siriuslysatorusimping). I rant a lot and I love writing that dives into the psychology behind things. The way you’ve captured what an internal spiral can look like, the panic, it’s all just 😭

(Also, hi, I’m Kiko. I’m autistic and adhd af and I tend to over explain and over justify because I always want to make sure I’m not coming across as rude when I’m trying to give genuine compliments so I hope this reads as praise and not me being a bitch 🙃)

hey kiko, no apologies needed at all, i really love your analyses actually !! never thought about it too much how angst can become too overwhelming for readers, because my tolerance for angst is like sky high so i'm even more glad that i didn't ? overdo it.

but the anguish you write for these characters just fits the situation so well.

so glad that the drama they go through feels (partly) real for readers. that's really my biggest concern, that their motives and actions don't feel natural?

The fact that she withdrew and gave them both space but he can’t stay away, and she loves him too much to send him away. You’ve made them worth rooting for.

ahhh so glad you noticed that !! she was really ready to fight it all but then instead noticed how he is struggling and if she would push him more (what she would have loved to do) it really would have just gone the other opposite way.

but when he's at her door, she still lets him in and takes care of him, because even if she resents him, she still cares so deeply. that's also why she asked him if he had nightmares. because she still cares.

his choices that end up being selfish are literally driven by his desire to protect others from himself.

yes 100 percent !!

I love the idea of her standing beside him while he learns to love himself, not carrying him to it.

yes yes yes !! i totally wanted to write a female lead who will not hold his hand and sweet-talk to him about his addiction because apparently he's really shitty deep into it. she will mirror him the hard truth about his issues without second thought even if it hurts.

because otherwise he would just keep up his avoidant behaviors. but that's also what scares the hell out of him, because he's not used to, firstly face his fears at all and secondly to have it so clearly mirrored back at him, at least not in this intensity.

guess in his past his previous partners and friends just tiptoed around the issue but not her. she's like, okay we have this issue here, how we solve it, because i want you and i want you to stay alive apparently.

but after he rejected her again after she literally confessed her love to him it really was too much for her. even the strongest female leads have limits so that hurt her awfully. (okay lol no i went on with my babbling, i'll stop here 😂).

The way you’ve captured what an internal spiral can look like, the panic, it’s all just

also so so happy you picked up on the nuances of the mental health struggles i'm trying to depict. that kind of internal spiraling, the way anxiety and self-loathing can warp a person's perception.

i love messy emotions and diving deeper into how they affect literally everything that we do, even without us knowing !!

thank you so so much for taking your precious time to share your thoughts, i really appreciate it and love talking about the psychology behind the story !! have a good day ♡

and no worries, your message absolutely reads as sincere praise, not at all rude !!

[ijustwannareadfanficsomljebote]

Nurse Ann HC!!

I always Liked Ann. I am , in fact, a gay little weird girl . Unfortunately, the creepy pasta fan base never really popularised her , as she never had a proper backstory. So I decided to write down little general things , quirks and such about her .

Ann's full name is Annabelle Bernard. French is her first language, but she doesn't have a heavy accent. She doesn't speak often so her voice is raspy and cold . She is much more expressive with her body language rather than her voice . As a result of that she often comes across as cold , dismissive and demanding - or threatening even .

She is 6'1 and super strong , tho she always wears heels . Her feet are deformed due to that (she can't lower her foot fully on the ground ) , therefore she is a s l o w walker . She has her comically large chainsaw , but due to her walking disability she just ends up dragging it around slowly and loudly .

Thanks to that she never really turns the giant on . She does , however, take precise care of it . She cleans it weekly , tests it daily and even replaces everything that isn't perfect. She has this very sturdy , black leather case for it. My guess is that she stole a very expensive guitar case .

Annabelle definitely is a perfectionist. A nurse must keep everything tidy , clean , sterile even , working and insuring her patients are well mentally and physically ; appropriately dressed and behaved. She is a tolerant , stubborn and somewhat self righteous person with a clear preference for complying individuals.

Annabelle never learned to express herself in any way other than professionally and sarcastically. She is a deeply lonely but introverted person , so she doesn't really pick up social cues and she does get overwhelmed sometimes . That being said she doesn't feel comfortable acknowledging or acting on her emotions –rather , she over explains and over thinks her actings and feelings , forcing herself to be preoccupied understanding then instead of feeling them . I don't see her to be paranoid, but she is definitely a closed off individual ((she definitely has a diary/journal)).

Her love language is quality time and acts of service. I see her to be somewhat touched starved , but I don't think she would ever act on it all that much - a nurse must be a professional after all . If she were to warm up to someone , I think she would be kind of anxious and akward . As I said she doesn't really pick up social cues well , so having a friend (or anything more) is scary for her — you are never catching her confessing that .

Her pronouns are she/her/they/them and I think she is a lesbian, who is somewhat afraid of (never really had) commitment. Tho she is a caring , well spoken lover(?).

Ann isn't as old fashioned as she might seem , but she definitely prefers blogs and books over videos and pictures (if yk what I mean) . No one knows who , why or how made her . She calms she's been alive for so long she doesn't really remember. Matter of fact she forgot her original name (and who knows how many others) , Annabelle Bernard is simply a "lovely and polite" name .

She might not have a medical degree, but she does know everything and anything healthy , healing , relaxing and stressful. All the symptoms, sicknesses, medicines, massages, you name it . When it comes down to treatment it really only boils down to : if she has ingredients/ proper tools and ; if she has time for it / how urgent it is .

The whole memory thing is a bit suspicious tho... Just sayin .

But you try to go against a sadistic , cold , 6'1 woman with super strength and a comicly large chainsaw . I dare you .

I think journalism, reading and high maintenance self care is what keeps her sane .

She is definitely always ready and in full glam . Her hair is always perfectly blow-dryed / curled / tied , her skins(?) are always soft and smooth , she smells well 24/7 .... I think that she is very selective with who (and how) she treats , which leaves her with a lot of time for self care and cleaning.

She has a really specific way of doing things . She always takes her jewelry off , ties her hair up , puts a mask on , wears her apron and then her gloves . She never changed that routine , she can do it within minutes . With that said she has a scalper (scalpel??) collection , a first aid kit , bandages , pain killers and numbing medicine all in their respective bundles / baggies ; within her apron . She also has a small pocket used only for her 3 hair ties . No one is sure why she is the way she is .

I mean even her leg problems, just take your shoes off and perform some ancient ritual woman !!

[confessions-official]

i love my mom, but she makes things so, so difficult for me sometimes, particularly in regards to mental health. for the past couple of years, I have been dealing with the onset and rapid escalation of OCD symptoms. I've spoken to my therapist and several other mental health professionals about this, and they all are convinced that I have OCD and I am in the process of being diagnosed. my mom has made this an utter pain for me this entire time. I had been experiencing these symptoms for a little while now and brought them up to her when I made the connection between them and OCD, and she immediately dismissed me. she kept telling me that it was just anxiety, and was getting actually upset at me for claiming to have OCD. it is NOT just anxiety. before I had OCD I had anxiety, and they are entirely different things. I have tried to explain it to her countless times, but she just seems utterly in denial. this is weird, because she has been supportive of my adhd, depression, and anxiety diagnoses. shes seemingly more accepting of it now that I have the direct endorsement of a mental health professional, but she still acts SO weird about it. one thing about my mom is that she is 100% against all psych meds, for all reasons. she thinks I shouldn't mess with my brain chemistry. (I should note that we are perfectly able to afford these meds if I were to be prescribed them). well, girl, I'm messing with my brain chemistry either way, because now I'm self-medicating with illegal drugs in the place of well-researched prescription drugs! her concerns are valid, but she is also very hostile and unwilling to even consider them. she had some bad experiences with psych meds, and as a result, has banned me from pursuing them. my dad, on the other hand, is very pro psych meds, often to a fault. this whole situation just sucks so much. on top of it all, I brought up the ocd questionnaire that I filled out because it was relevant to a conversation we were having, and her reaction was so odd. she began claiming to have "a little bit of OCD", a, quote, "touch of the tism", etc. and that learning more about them was very helpful to her. ummm.... what??? not to armchair diagnose, but I can say with certainty that she does NOT have OCD. when she describes her perception of OCD, she literally just describes anxiety, and dismissed and downplayed my OCD symptoms as such (not saying anxiety cant be severe. trust me, I know).

it is just so frustrating that she is downplaying my experiences SO much. like, honestly, it is just indescribable. come back to me when you have a PHYSICAL tense uncomfortableness in your body 24/7 and the only way to get rid of it is by doing stupid shit (cracking knuckles, tensing/untensing muscles, pressing the skin around fingernails, literally peeling my skin off until it bleeds, etc etc). I'm not even going to get in to all of my other symptoms right now because I feel like I'm trying to convince you all that I actually have OCD because I am incredibly in denial constantly, but trust that it interferes with every single aspect of my life in a very painful way. I've yapped enough, goodbye gang

 

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Dear fucker Nikki (fanfiction)

A/N: This little letter was born out of nowhere and will probably give you a toothache but it needed to get out. Plus it was Nikki's birthday yestarday, so why not? A huge thanks to @glamourizedcocaine for their wonderful handwriting <3

Dear Nikki,

you are probably wondering who the fuck I am but don’t bother because I don’t exist. Well, I should say I don’t exist yet but I will. See, I’m Nikki from 2023 your 65 years old version and as you can see we didn’t lose our love for making things as complicated and dramatic as we can.

Let’s start with the big question: how in the hell did we get to 65 years old? I’m still wondering about it myself so I can only give you my honest opinion : we pulled our heads out of our ass and someone up there took mercy on us. Does this answer satisfy you? Probably not, but I’m here to explain.

Right now it’s December 11 1987 for you. You are all alone in your Van Nuys house, shooting up under a Christmas tree and wondering why nobody loves you or why did your family abandon you. “Why does living feel so draining?” you used to say or I should say I used to say but I prefer referring to you as a separate being. Loneliness is eating you alive as much as your addiction is destroying your life piece by piece, you know that but you are too scared to admit it. You need help but you don’t know how to ask for it.

Second question: why are you writing to me, your past self? I could say it’s because I’m an egocentric bastard or because I want to leave something to this world but I’d be lying. The simplest answer is that I felt the need to. 

The more complex one is that we live in a fucked up world, where each day everything seems to fall to pieces and the opioids epidemic seems to take more and more lives. It doesn’t matter how much I try to take action because it never seems enough but if I know something that did help that was the book I wrote about our story so maybe this letter will too.

However deep down I know you can read through my bullshit. Even after all these years I still think I can trick people but I end up looking like a child with a mouth covered in sugar who swears he didn’t eat any candy. I didn’t completely lie when I said I’m doing this to help people but I omitted that I’m one of those people.

“What the fuck dude, you just told me we get to be 65 and now you tell me we are still need help?”  

Well, everyone needs a little comfort sometimes even when you know all the tricks to take care of your mental health. I might be an old man but you still live in me, just like the little Nikki who has been hurted by everyone, simply some days I can hear your voices more loudly than others. I know the symptoms all too well : racing heart, general tiredness, the urge to fuck everything up, emotions all over the place. 

So what do I do? Anything you wouldn’t do: allowing myself to feel the emotions instead of bottling them up, relaxing, distract myself and writing this letter. Knowing who I was and how far I’ve come, getting back in contact with you gives me hope for two reasons : reminds me I don’t want to get back to that and empowers me to heal. I thought nobody was there to comfort me so I’m letting myself from the future do it because sometimes it’s easier to be kinder to our younger versions even if they were a piece of work like you.

You’re worth it, just like I am. Even when the world feels like collapsing on itself, we are still worth it. We were worth it when I was you, a junkie, and we are when I’m just an old man playing bass. I just need to repeat it over and over until it becomes a part of me since the human minds are incredibly forgetful when it comes to their importance.

I want to leave you with hope, the same one that helps me going through all the hard times in my life. We made it, we finally got the family we always wanted : Gunner, Storm,  Decker, Frankie and Ruby are all different ages and we love them with our whole heart. Ruby is only 3 now and she gets to receive everything we didn’t, especially since we are more mature compared to the others. I hope I’m a good enough father for them but sure I tried and keep trying my best. What matters is that it’s possible to break the abuse cycle and we are the living proof. 

The band it’s still going after 40 years and after a brief pause we are still touring. So many teenagers love Motley Crue now because they made a movie about us, which allowed me  to tell your story and show people there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you Nikki for not giving up on us and coming back that night. Thank you for allowing me to blurt my feelings out in this letter on my birthday, while I’m hidden in my home’s studio while I get to roll a tear and move on. Thanks to all the other Nikki(s) who fell down and got right up because that’s what we do. And lastly thanks to myself for keeping fighting and making sure that future Nikki can enjoy his old age with a lovely family and badass fans.

It will get better for you and for me.

Sincerely yours

An old man you killed 36 years ago or Nikki Sixx.