#i was debating putting noah

[steggymus]

in which ronan buys/dreams adam this shirt

[sassy-bitch-since-2007]

Sometimes putting a bunch of characters in a group and hoping for the best is extremely boring and full of conversations that make no sense.

And other times Scott asks Heather out just to get "shot down faster than a fly swatter" (his words not mine), then everyone starts having a debate on whatever or not Duncan is truly a jerk or just misunderstood which results in Cody and Gwen getting together with Courtney trying to pull Gwen away from Cody just for Scott to say 'nope' and put himself in front of Gwen and Cody like a human shield to protect their love from Courtney.

[cutielando]

my baby | l.n.

synopsis: in which you bring your son to his daddy’s first ever race

a/n: based on this request!! i changed things up a little and only made it fluffy, hope you like it!!

my masterlist

Ever since your son was born, you and Lando had had multiple talks regarding exposing him to the world and bringing him to the paddock.

He was still so little, being only a few months old, so there was a lot of discussion between the two of you about when would be a good time to finally introduce your son to that part of Lando’s life.

You debated a lot about firstly which race would be the best one for him to attend, finally settling on Silverstone. It was a very special race for the both of you, it was Lando’s favorite race weekend, his whole family would be coming and would be able to eagerly help, should any situations arise during the weekend, you were close to your UK home.

It was honestly the best decision in that aspect.

McLaren had been so kind as to send you some little T-shirts with Lando’s name and number on the back, some headphones so you could protect Noah’s ears. He was all ready to go, all clad in his papaya shirt and little cap.

However, as much as Lando had been looking forward to finally having the both of you in the paddock since Noah’s birth, he was suddenly feeling more anxious as you’re about to leave the house and go to the track.

You noticed the frown he had on his face and how deep in thought he seemed to be, walking over to him with Noah right on your hip, sucking on his pacifier in silence.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” you asked him, putting a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it affectionately.

“You agree this is a good idea, right? We’re not rushing him into this, it’s completely okay and safe to bring him with us” he asked, looking at you with worried eyes.

Looking at him so desperate for reassurance, you remember your first days as a new mom, worrying about every single thing that Noah would do, what you should do with him and what you shouldn’t, calling your mother and Lando’s mother every half an hour with another question.

It’s normal for new parents to be anxious, and Lando was now feeling the protectiveness that came with having a baby of your own and bringing him out into the world.

“Baby, we’ve talked about this. We have it all figured out. Your family is going to be there if anything does happen, we have your whole team there who are more than eager to help with anything. We’ll be fine, this little guy will have the time of his life” you said, smiling at the quiet boy in your arms and bouncing him in your arms, chuckling alongside Noah as he started to giggle and wave his arms in the air.

Lando smiled, looking at Noah like he was the center of his universe, like nothing could ever measure up to how much love he had for his son.

He was ready, so there was no reason why Lando shouldn’t be ready. After all, he had you by his side.

He didn’t need anything else if he had you.

“Alright, let’s get going then” he declared, sitting up and taking Noah’s bag from you, determined to carry everything to the car by himself.

You chuckled, shaking your head as you adjusted little Noah on your hip.

“Let’s go and bring daddy some good luck, shall we?” you cooed at Noah, admiring his little smile and clap when he heard the word “daddy” in a sentence.

Such a daddy’s boy.

♡♡♡♡♡

“Do you want me to turn the car around and just take you guys home? I’m sure nobody would mind” Lando said as soon as he parked the car in his designated spot.

You looked at him confused.

“Why? Did something happen?” you asked, keeping an eye on Noah who was currently too busy playing with his feet to pay attention to the two of you.

Lando sighed, resting his head against the seat and closing his eyes.

“I just think we’re rushing into it. He’s still young and I’m worried that something could happen to him while I’m in the car” he confessed, and you let out a knowing sigh.

“I know you’re stressed out and worried, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m going to be with him the entire time and your entire family is going to be with me. He literally can’t be more taken care of” you said, joking a little at the end to help him breathe a little.

Lando smiled, chuckling a little before twisting around to look at you in the backseat.

His eyes naturally gravitated towards Noah, who was happily playing with his McLaren teddy bear the team had gifted Lando when Noah was born.

“Sometimes I wish we could keep him away from all of this for the rest of his life” he said, his eyes focused on his son.

"I know, but right now, you don't have to worry about him. You know I won't let him out of my sight" you said, making Lando smile at the thought of you going all mama bear on your son.

"Alright then, off we go" Lando unbuckled his seatbelt, exiting the car and opening your door for you.

He made quick work to grab the diaper bag and all of his essentials while you lifted Noah up from his car seat and settled him on your hip, cooing at the smiley little boy.

"Ready?" Lando asked as he came to stand next to you, putting his arm on the small of your back and leaning down to press a kiss on Noah's head.

"Are you ready to see dada race?" you cooed at Noah, tickling his tummy lightly, which prompted him to burst into giggles.

“My lucky charms” Lando whispered, looking at the two of you with so much love.

He truly couldn’t have asked for anything better in his life. The trophies, the wins, the losses, they didn’t compare to this. To you, to your son, nothing could ever compete with how much Lando cared for his family.

As you started walking towards the paddock entrance, your passes clutched in Lando’s hand, you kept Noah close to you, trying to shield his face from the cameras as best as you could.

You softly maneuvered his head so his face was buried into the crook of your neck, which Noah immediately complied with because he loved it when you held him close.

“I’ll do my best to hold them off” Lando whispered as he scanned your passes and already noticed the hoard of paparazzis that were waiting for him to arrive.

You nodded, smiling politely at the cameramen as Lando quickly walked with you towards the McLaren hospitality.

Clicks and flashes could be heard all around you, every single one trying to get a glimpse of your baby boy, but Lando was having none of it.

“Lando! Over here!”

“Is that your son?”

“Can we see him? Just a picture”

Every single word fell on deaf ears as Lando continued to lead the three of you away from them, thankful when the shouts ceased and there was nobody around you anymore.

“They sure know how to try and get what they want” you said, letting out a big breath that you hadn’t realized you had been holding in.

“It’s an invasion of privacy, they should have some respect, especially when they can see I’m with my family” he grumbled, his jaw muscles clenched.

You slowed down your walk until you came to a halt, resting your hand against his cheek.

“Hey, we’re okay. Calm down, we’re both fine, okay?” you said, waiting for an answer as Noah started squirming in your arms.

“Yeah, I’m good” Lando replied after finally feeling himself calm down a tad, resuming your walk towards the hospitality.

When you arrived and entered the building, the first thing that you saw was Lando’s family eagerly chatting amongst themselves, clearly waiting for the 3 of you to finally arrive.

You didn’t even get to think about anything before Noah was taken from your arms by Lando’s sister, Flo, cooing at him and beaming at the smiley boy.

There was nothing more pure and warming than seeing the bond between Lando’s family and your son. He was also the first grandchild on your side of the family, so that little boy was as spoiled as one could be.

“How are you doing, dear?” Cisca snapped you out of your thoughts as she came to stand next to you, Lando having gone to his driver’s room to unpack his things.

“I’m okay, a little tired from the jet-lag, but doing alright. A little nervous to have Noah here with me, but you all being here puts mine and Lando’s mind more at ease” you said, giving your mother-in-law a side hug.

“Was he terrible when you were talking about coming with Noah?” she asked, smiling knowingly.

You laughed, shaking your head affectionately at how well she knew Lando.

“He freaked out about 4 times before we even got out of the car” you said, making the woman laugh.

Lando emerged into the room again, immediately frowning once he saw that Noah was still not back in your arms.

Both you and Cisca watched as his eyes searched the entire room for him, finally settling on the boy happily babbling to his auntie Flo, Lando immediately going over to them.

And as you all sat there with each other, both you and Lando realized what a great support system you had and what a perfect family you have built together.

His win, of course, only solidifying his saying that you were both “his lucky charms”.

comments and re-blogs help us grow!

much appreciated!!

REQUEST HERE

[kaliforniahigh]

Fic request idea? You and Noah have happily been together for a few years. Your next anniversary happens while he's on tour so you secretly coordinate a plan with Matt to surprise Noah in whatever city they're in. After you get to the hotel, you look for Noah. You find him outside by the pool area talking to a pretty girl in a bikini. The girl puts her arm around him and takes a selfie. She keeps her hand on him way too long and gets a flirty look on her face. You've seen other fans interact with Noah and are always unbothered but now you've never felt so jealous and sick to your stomach, so you go back to your room. What you didn't see was Noah politely remove the girl's hand and turn her down. After a brief nap, you still feel really sick and emotional (more so than usual) and Noah doesn't know you're there yet so you debate if you should just go home. You can fill in the next parts but include lots of angst, avoiding each other, avoiding calls/texts, reader still feeling sick, talking about that misunderstanding. It all ends with you telling Noah "I'm pregnant".

I love dad omens :((( Thank you the request. I hope you like it! Hopefully I didn't stray too much from what you wanted.

Warnings: pregnancy, vomiting, reader is insecure, jealousy, a little bit of angst, happy ending. I think that's it. Noah is ecstatic about being a dad.

WC: 4k (I haven't proofread this yet!)

Requests are closed for now.

Eight years was a big milestone. It's been eight years since you've been dating the love of your life. Spending anniversaries apart wasn't anything unsual for you two. Noah was on tour for the most part of the year, and chances are he would be somewhere far away when the day of your anniversary arrived.

This year was no different, he was all the way on the east coast, while you stayed in your California home. But something felt different this time around.

It was no secret you and Noah had a very active sex life, that became even more active whenever he was about to leave for tour. However, you were both very careful every time. He always wore a condom, since you couldn't be on the pill due to health reasons.

A few weeks after he left, you started to feel the first symptoms. At work, you noticed you needed to use the bathroom so frequently, you sworn you were in the bathroom every fifteen minutes to pee.

You felt more tired than usual, almost being late for work a couple of times, since you couldn't open your eyes long enough to get up from the bed.

At first, you thought your immunity might be too low or that you needed to take some vitamins. But when the nausea and vomiting started, it got you more concerned. You decided to check your app to see when was the last time you have gotten your period.

You suspicions were confirmed when you saw that you didn't get your period at all this month. Running to the pharmacy, you thought that buying a pregnancy test was your best option until you could get a consult with your doctor.

While you were cruising the isles, you thought about Noah and how he would feel about this - if the test came out positive. You've been together for a long time, and you've discussed having a family many times over the years. Getting married and having kids were on your agenda, but not for right now.

You were both under 30 and he was so busy with the band, you could see the problem in trying to raise a baby when he was so far away for months on end.

You lived in a different state than the rest of your family, so having a support system here in California would be so difficult. You would be on maternity leave, sure, but at some point you would have to go back to work, and who would take care of your baby then? You didn't want to put them in daycare so early.

Your mind was running with a million thoughts, as you grabbed two Clearblue tests and ran to the checkout line. The cashier noticed your uneasiness and didn't attempt to make any small talk.

Now, you were sat on the toilet as you eyed both tests, gathering the courage to take them, because once you did, the situation would become very real.

You wished Noah was here with you. You didn't care if would freak out or stay calm, you just needed someone to do this with you. You debated calling him, but decided against it. You wouldn't tell him a life-altering information with him on the other side of the country.

You had no other choice, so you took your pants and underwear off to pee on the stick that would probably change your life forever. You watched the countdown on the stick with a bated breath. You looked away, not being able to look at it as it did it's thing.

You gnawed at your nails, biting them and even drawing some blood in the process, legs bouncing incessantly. After a few minutes, you grabbed the test again and looked at the little display.

Pregnant.

Tears welled in your eyes as you put the test back on the counter. Crying was the best response you could conjure up right now, so that's what you did. You sat on the bathroom toilet and cried your eyes out, sobs racking through your body as it became difficult for you to breath.

After minutes of this, your body began to feel exhausted and you seemed to be running out of tears. You tried to breath more evenly now, standing up from the toilet, you washed you face and blew your nose. Not being able to do much else with how emotionally exhausted you were, you decided to just go to bed and sleep this off. Tomorrow was Saturday, so you had the whole day to think about this.

You went under the covers and grabbed your phone, looking at some pictures of baby Noah that he has sent you over the years, a little smile playing on your lips at the sight of him so cute and so small.

You wished for your baby to have his eyes, his beautiful voice and kind heart. You wondered if they would have his dark, straight hair or your light and slightly wavy one. You wanted them to inherit his height so you could get them in some kind of sport, maybe basketball or volleyball. Or maybe their dad would teach them how to play an instrument and they would be in a band as well.

Your heart felt a little lighter at all the scenarios you were conjuring up in your mind. Your eyes felt heavy from all the crying and soon you were plugging your phone to charge on the bed side table, cuddling up to Noah's blanket, drifting off to sleep thinking about the little human you were growing inside of you.

The next day, you texted Matt and started to organize a surprise for Noah on tour. You knew they had a two day break next week, so you would use those days to surprise him and tell the - hopefully good - news.

You spent the week getting your bags ready and the house organized before you left. You even took the time to run to the store and pick up a baby onesie that said "rad like dad" on the front, along with a box for you to put it inside with the pregnancy test you kept.

You thought about scheduling a doctor's appointment before traveling, but you wanted Noah to be there with you, and since tour was wrapping up not too long after you visited, you decided to wait.

Even though you felt like he would be happy with the fact that you were going to have a baby, you still needed to be prepared to talk about your options if needed.

As you sat on the plane, thousands of feet up in the air, you willed the discomfort in your stomach away. You knew that the possibility of you feeling sick on the flight was real, but you would avoid it as much as you could. You rubbed your still flat belly, a silent way to tell your baby to settle down, as you closed your eyes and tried to nap.

The next time you opened your eyes, there was only an hour until you touched down. You coordinated everything with Matt. You had your room you would be staying in to get everything ready for your surprise. It wasn't much, you just planned on leaving the box with the onesie and pregnancy test inside on the bed for him to see when he came into the room.

It was a nice hotel, with a big pool according to what you saw online, and you totally intended on taking advantage of that, soaking in the sun and playing in the water.

After you landed, there was an Uber waiting to take you back to the hotel, Matt assured you they all went out for lunch, so there was no chance of you running into Noah in the middle of the hotel lobby.

Checking in, you took your bags up to your room, taking a few clothes out and hanging them inside the closet. You put your toiletries in the bathroom and took your airplane clothes off in order to take a warm shower and change into some new clothes.

You were drying your hair when your phone pinged with a succesion of text messages.

Noah: Hi, my sweet love. The boys and I went out for lunch and now we're sitting by the pool.

This is the life.

Wish you were here with me. I love you so much.

You smiled the biggest smile of probably the entire week. He had that effect on you every time.

You: Hi, baby! Enjoy the pool for me. Can't wait to see you again! I love you more <3

You replied and decided that a trip downstairs to the pool was in order.

You grabbed the box, onesie and pregnancy test you brought with you and set everything on the bed. You were glad you haven't messed up the bed yet by yanking the covers off, this way everything looked more put together.

You put on your bikini and before you put on one of Noah's shirts over your body, you looked at yourself in the mirror. The thought of having a baby didn't terrify you as much anymore, and you actually pictured yourself sporting a beautiful baby bump, a sign of the love you and Noah shared.

Snapping out of your reverie, you grabbed some sunscreen and your sunglasses and made your way to the pool area. You staked the place out first, trying to sneak up on him.

You saw him in the distance, along with Jolly and Folio. He was taking pictures with a couple of fans and you didn't think much of it, until you observed a little and saw that he seemed awfully comfortable with these barely clothed girls.

You were never jealous, you actually thought the pictures he took with fans were cute most of the time, and he was always respectful, mindful of his hand placement and avoiding getting too close. There were actually a few pictures out there of him doing the hover hand, not wanting to touch another girl's waist.

But this time, not only was his arm wrapped around her middle, his hand was clutching her waist, her body sticking to his, boobs - covered only by the thin cloth of her bikini top - smushed on his chest. You looked at his face for any sign of discomfort, but he was sporting a grin on his lips.

The girl wraps her arm around his torso as the other girl behind the cellphone snaps the picture. As they were separating, she took the opportunity to take his hand in hers, and you saw a look on her face that only another girl would recognize.

It was a look of hunger and she was blatantly flirting with him. His grin never faltered and you were left wondering why in the hell were his hand still holding hers.

You didn't stay to see the rest of their interation, a wave of nausea hitting you and you were sure if you didn't run back to the elevator you would throw up all over the place.

As soon as you entered your hotel room, you barely had the time to close the door behind you and ran to the bathroom, spilling all of the contents in your stomach into the toilet. You threw up until there was nothing left to come out, and you wondered if it was the pregnancy making you feel sick or if it was what you just witnessed.

Either way, you sat on the bathroom floor, all the energy and excitement leaving your body, as well as the confidence you build up about having this baby.

Noah was young, he toured the entire world and met so many new faces. What if one day he decided you weren't enough for him anymore and he needed someone new, someone more exciting. You didn't want to ruin the rest of his life by tying him to you because of your baby. You knew relationships like that always became bitter and hateful.

Your phone buzzed next to you on the bathroom counter and you saw it was a text from Matt.

Matty: We're by the pool. Noah went up to his room, do you want to surprise him there?

You sighed. That was your plan, but it all completely fell apart just minutes ago.

You: I don't feel so good. I think it was the flight.

Matty: I have some medicine in my room, do you want me to drop it off at yours?

You debated on what to tell him. It all felt so painful having to deal with all of this on your own. Maybe talking to someone would do you some good. Matt was always good at giving advice, and he knew Noah as well as you did, maybe he could shine some light in your situation.

You: ok, I need to talk to you, though, it's kind of serious.

Matty: oh shit, I'll be there in 5.

You only had time to brush your teeth before there was a knock on your door. You left the bathroom to answer it and sure enough, Matt was standing on the other side,

"I realized I didn't ask what you were feeling, so I grabbed the whole medicine bag", he held up a bag with a red cross on the front. You could always trust Matt with medicine, he always carried all sorts of things with him.

"It's ok, come on in", you stepped inside and he followed after you. You weren't actually gonna take anything, since you didn't know what you could and couldn't take due to your pregnancy.

"Hmmm", you heard Matt hesitate, before saying "Y/N, am I meant to see this?", you looked over at him and saw him poiting to the surprise on the bed. You have completely forgotten you placed it there before leaving to go to the pool.

"I was about to tell you about that, actually", you sat down on the bed and put your face in your hands.

"This is good, right? We're happy about this?", he questioned as he dragged one of the chairs in the room to sit in front of you.

"We were happy about this, until maybe fifteen minutes ago"

"What happened fifteen minutes ago?", he asked you, noticing the crestfallen look on your face.

"I went down to the pool area to surprise Noah, and I saw him taking pictures with those girls, and I don't know, I felt this monster grow inside of me and I just couldn't take it", you gave him the short version.

"Those girls were very pushy. What did you see?"

"I saw him very happy to be touching the body of a woman who is almost half naked beside him. His face wasn't exactly sad", you rolled your eyes, the images flashing back in your mind.

"Y/N, you only saw half of it, I swear that is not what happened", he told you and you gave him a look for him to keep going. "Ok, so we were sitting on the chairs by the pool, when these two girls approached us and asked for pictures. We said ok, because this happens all the time. They took pictures with everyone and Noah was the last one. He was standing next to her, both of his arms were placed in front of him, and he wasn't touching her at all", he really looked at you when saying this, and you nodded to show him you understood.

"But I guess she wasn't good with that, she grabbed his hand out of nowhere, and forcefully placed it on her waist. He was so shocked, he didn't know what to do. Her friend snapped the first picture and I guess she wasn't happy with that either, because she told him he needed to smile. So she told her friend to take another one. He didn't even share a word with her, because he honestly didn't know what to say or how to act in that situation"

You thought of every other fan interation you've seen him have. He was an introvert and sometimes didn't know how to react to things, specially when fans are involved. You suddently felt angry, not at him, but at the girl coming at him like that.

Was she even a fan? Or did she only want a picture to boast about meeting Noah? And the nerve she had, telling him to smile?

"He went up to his room after the interation, he was very overwhelmed", Matt finished his explanation.

"He must be feeling so bad", you thought out loud.

"He was just uncomfortable, you know how he is about his privacy and personal space", he observed.

"I know. I feel so bad for jumping to conclusions", you sighed out loud.

"Hey, don't feel sorry. You have a whole other thing going on here", he pointed to the pregnancy test.

"About that, I might need your help once again", you told him, a little nervous tilt on your voice.

"Sure, just tell me what to do"

So you told him to text Noah, telling him to come to room 305 - your room - and meet him there.

Matt left with a hug and a good luck, and you paced around the room, thinking about how these next minutes would play out.

A knock on the door came not too long after, you looked in the mirror, realizing you haven't changed out of Noah's shirt from earlier. But you hurried to answer the door anyways.

"Did you change your...", his voice trailed as soon as he saw you standing on the other side of the door. Jaw going slack and eyes widening in surprise.

"Surprise?", you said, opening your arms for him.

"Are you real?" he said in disbelief.

"Hug me and find out", it took him a few seconds for him to snap into action, crashing into your arms and hugging you tight.

"I can't believe you're here, oh my god", he said, hands roaming everywhere and touching every piece of you he could. You parted for a second and looked him in the eye.

"Yeah, I am", you giggled at little at his shocked expression.

"How did you do this?" he asked, taking your face in his hands. Neither one of you caring you were still standing on your door.

"I had a little help from Matt"

"Remind me to thank him later", he gave you a peck on the lips, both of you smiling into the kiss. "Get in that room, I have nothing to do for the rest of the day"

You stopped him from trying to walk you backward into the room.

"I actually have a surprise for you. I need you to close your eyes", you told him, a sheepish look taking over your face.

"Hmm, a surprise? I love that", he wiggled his eyebrows. You laughed and slapped him lightly in the chest.

"It's nothing like that, silly. Now close your eyes", he did as he was told, a smile still lingering on his face. You closed the door behind you and led him to stand in front of the bed.

You stood to his side, wanting to see his every reaction to this information, as you told him to open his eyes.

A million thoughts raced on his head, the first thing he saw was the onesie, "rad like dad" written on it, next was the pregnancy test and he has to lean a little closer to read "pregnant" written on the little display.

"You're pregnant?", he asked, looking at you. His mouth was agape and his eyes were even wider than before.

"Yeah"

"We're having a baby?"

"Yeah"

His hand flew to his mouth, attempting to cover his shocked expression, muttering "oh my god" to himself over and over again. You wouldn't lie, you were starting to freak out a little bit. A few seconds passed before something snapped in him. He gathered you up in his arms, your feet almost lifting from the floor.

"I'm going to be a dad? You're gonna make me a dad?" he asked, face buried in your hair.

"Yeah, you're gonna be a dad", you said, stroking his hair. His body shook a little and you could tell he was crying. You let him have his moment, so you just hugged him and stroked his hair softly. After a few minutes, he parted from you, with eyes glossy and cheeks wet with tears, but his smile was so big, it could light up a whole room.

"You make me the happiest man on this planet, I can't even believe this is real", he still held you close to his body. You suddently felt crazy for ever overthinking this.

"I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous when I found out", you admitted, his smile fell a little at this.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I can imagine finding out you're pregnant by yourself was pretty scary", his hand stroked your cheeks.

"It's ok, you're here now, that's all that matters"

"Take your shirt off", he told you, taking hold of the bottom of your - his - shirt.

"Noah, I don't know about this. I haven't been to a doctor's appointment yet" you said, unsure if you should be doing this.

"I don't mean it like that. Just take your shirt off, please?", you did like he wanted, as he kneeled in front of you.

He splayed both of his hands on your belly and started talking to your baby.

"Hi, sweet girl, this is your dada", he started, and you could die happily in this moment. "I'm so excited to meet you, but it's gonna take a while until we get to do that. Until then, you'll stay warm and healthy in your mommy's belly", he tapped your belly twice to get his point across. Tears welled in your eyes at the sight before you. You have everything you could have possibly wanted in the world.

"Daddy loves you so much already, you're going to be a spoiled little girl when you come to the other side. And you're gonna have the most amazing and beautiful mommy in the world", he looked up at you, to see tears streaming down your face. He got up to kiss them away. "How do you feel about getting married with a baby bump?", he asked you, and you sobbed even harder.

"It sounds really nice", you crashed on his arms, and he moved the both of you to lay on the bed, carefully placing the onesie and pregnancy test on the bed side table.

He cuddled you closer, hand stroking your belly nonstop, a habit he would develop during your pregancy, along with talking and singing to your bump. When you calmed down a little, he got up to turn off the lights and grab the remote, turning the TV on and getting back on the bed, pulling the cover over the both of you.

"Thank you for being the most amazing man on the planet. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without you", you told him, he thanked you with a kiss on the lips.

"The band is taking a break after this tour, and there is no questioning about it. I wanna be there for you through everything. I wanna help decorate her nursery and go to every doctor's appointment", he told with determination.

"You keeping calling the baby a girl", you giggled as you pointed it out.

"I just know it's a girl", he started to draw swirls with his finger over your belly.

"Well, she's gonna be the biggest daddy's girl", you laid your head down on his chest, his soothing movements making you sleepy.

"Damn right she is"

You were about to fall asleep when you felt his body tighten underneath you.

"Oh my god, baby, I had the weirdest fan interation today, I need to tell you about it", you could hear the frustration and annoyance in his voice. You laughed at it.

"Tell me all about it"

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 31 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley knows there's only one way to contend with what Carl did, and he will gladly do it for you. All he wants is his house, his kid and his girl. You on the other hand don't know quite how to deal with anything that's going on, because it all seems out of your control. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, fighting, blood, and age gap (18+)

Length: 3500 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

You were so anxious for your first day of work, you actually woke up way too early and spilled blazing hot coffee all over your scrubs, forcing you to make a detour back to the bedroom to get changed. All you seemed to be able to think about was that video. That goddamn video. You wished you never looked in that box in the attic.

Once again, you were on the verge of tears as you pulled on a clean top and went to wake Noah up for the day. Everything felt like too much right now unless he was with you. The fact that you were as dependent on Noah as he was on you was probably nothing to brag about, but he really lit up every time you read to him or made him food. And you felt much better inside when he was snuggled up with you or holding your hand. 

You felt like his mom. You felt like you belonged here with him. He trusted you to take care of him, and you always would. But your confidence where Bradley was concerned felt stunted now, and you couldn't even talk to him about it. If you were even strong enough to bring it up at all. 

Noah climbed out of bed and went right to you for a hug, never questioning if he was welcome with you. "Morning, sweet Noah," you whispered against his soft hair. "Did you have happy dreams?"

He yawned and said, "Yeah. I was a pink dinosaur, and all of the other dinosaurs were afraid of me. So I got to eat all the Skittles."

"Wow," you said with a laugh as you carried him into the kitchen for breakfast. "That's the best dream I've ever heard of."

"Yeah, I know." 

He ate some eggs while you successfully drank your coffee and vanilla creamer without spilling it this time. And when you dropped him off at daycare, the same girl was working at the front desk.

"Hi, Noah," she said sweetly before handing you the clipboard to sign with a bland expression. You kissed Noah on the cheek and watched him walk in with the other kids before you signed your name. "And will you be picking him up again today, or should we be expecting another babysitter?"

You froze, and a startled laugh escaped your lips. "I'll be picking him up. And I'm the only babysitter." She appraised you again, so you added, "Only the best for Lieutenant Bradshaw and his son," before you spun on your heel and strolled out to the parking lot. 

You were driving the Bronco. You were in charge of Noah. Bradley was acting like some sort of sugar daddy boyfriend with the credit card you had tucked in your wallet. You shouldn't have been feeling insecure at all. You tried not to think about anything except getting to work on time for your first day. 

And being out of the house did help. You met all of the doctors and other nurses, and some of them were your age. Dr. Kelly treated you to lunch, and you got to chat with her a bit. You learned you'd get to assist with a few special needs kids later in the week. It was exciting. You had your own tiny workspace. Being there occupied your mind. 

But when you were asked to fill out a small stack of new hire paperwork in the afternoon, your pen stopped on the page multiple times. You hesitated twice before you eventually wrote Bradley's address as your own. You wrote his name and phone number down as your emergency contact, but you felt ridiculous writing 'boyfriend' where it asked for your relationship to him. After a brief debate, you wrote it anyway and moved on. And a beneficiary for your life insurance? Well, you didn't really have anyone else, so you put Noah. 

And then when you handed everything back in, you felt kind of like you were pretending to be an adult. 

----------------------------

Bradley waited on his bunk for Carl to return. It was getting late, and he wondered where the fuck he was. Without completely dismantling the tiny room, Bradley had searched through as much of Carl's shit as he could. And that was after confirming that he was only missing the one polaroid that you sent with him. 

His ears were ringing. Fingers twitching. He was absolutely repulsed by the thought of anyone else looking at that picture. But especially Carl. That was a line you just didn't cross with a bunkmate. Bradley had seen some wild shit in his days, walked in on some things he wished he could unsee. But you simply did not mess with personal items. And you certainly didn't take anything under any circumstances without permission. And if it was anything pertaining to a wife, girlfriend or significant other, it was absolutely forbidden. 

And if you broke any of these unwritten rules, well... you should know what you were in for. 

When Bradley heard a key in the door close to midnight, his hands automatically curled into fists. Your pretty face popped into his mind, smiling up at him, a teasing smirk on your lips. Even though you weren't here, you deserved to be defended right now. He'd protect you and Noah until he used up his dying breath. And that just meant things weren't looking too hot for Carl at the moment. 

The other man strolled in wearing his gym clothes, and it struck Bradley that Carl was probably a little older than he was. He was in good shape, too, but that wouldn't stop Bradley from beating the absolute shit out of him if necessary. 

"What's up, Carl?" he asked, remaining seated with his fists planted on either side of him on the bed. When Carl seemed barely able to meet his eyes, Bradley knew for sure.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly. "Just wanted to hit the gym when it was empty."

Bradley just watched him for a few seconds, silently demanding eye contact. When Carl finally stopped bumbling around and met his eyes, Bradley slowly stood. "Where is it?"

Carl's eyes flashed with panic as Bradley rolled his shoulders and took a step closer in the already limited space. "What? What are you talking about?" He tried to back away, but there was really nowhere to go. 

"If you make me ask again, it's going to be a lot worse for you, man."

"I... I..." Carl's eyes followed Bradley's left hand as he loosened his fist. And then Bradley slammed him back against the door. 

"You know better," Bradley growled. "This isn't your first deployment. You know the rules. And it belongs to me. Where. Is. It?"

"The photo?" Carl whispered as Bradley pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum with even more pressure. 

Bradley raised his voice. "Where the hell is it? It better have never left this fucking room."

"I have it!" Carl swore, and Bradley released him.

"Get it," Bradley said as calmly as he could, but his voice was shaking. He watched Carl dig around in his bedding, procuring the photo of you and your perfect tits and your barely concealed pussy. Bradley had a flashback to Noah's birthday party when Jake kissed you. Then he pictured you at the fraternity house, drunk and helpless. Carl was about to pay a pretty large price. 

"Here," he grunted, extending the polaroid out to Bradley. Once he set it down on top of his dresser, making sure the photo was still perfect, he turned back to Carl and sucker punched him right on the nose. 

Blood was gushing onto his gym shirt as Bradley said, "That's fucked up, Carl. You had my photo in your bed."

He was holding his nose, looking at Bradley with guilty eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"That's my girl, you piece of shit." Bradley was seething as he rammed Carl back up against the door. 

"She's your girl?" he asked, trying to stop the bleeding with both hands now. "She looks barely legal. How old is she?"

Bradley released him and took a step back before he did more damage than he intended to. "Do you really think it's a good idea to ask me that, Carl? You probably jerked it to my girlfriend after you stole my photo, and now you're asking me how old she is?" He was panting, letting the rage flow through him, and then both hands curled into fists again.

"Shit, I didn't- I wasn't-"

"You're not very bright, are you?" Bradley asked, cutting him off. "I'll let you walk out of this room with your face mostly intact as long as you guarantee that you'll wear your bruises around this carrier without even so much as looking in my direction. And don't you dare visit the infirmary. Your indiscretion doesn't blow back on me. You got it?"

Carl looked resigned as he lowered his hands from his face and nodded. "Yeah. I got it."

Then Bradley landed one more punch, hard as hell, and Carl staggered around the room for a few seconds before he managed to take himself out into the hallway and toward the bathroom. Bradley carefully picked up his polaroid, and his heart ached. He was yours, and he'd have done anything to see your beautiful face in person right now.

And if Carl didn't so much as speak to him or look at him again for the rest of the deployment, it would be just fine with Bradley.

-------------------------

You always felt like you were rushing around. When you got out of work an hour early one Wednesday, you decided to use the time to go grocery shopping before you picked up Noah. It was easier to get just the necessities this way. The downside was that you were definitely getting lost in your own thoughts as you stood in the produce area selecting apples. 

It was almost a relief that Bradley hadn't contacted you yet. If you had to look him in the eye right now, you weren't sure you could do it without crying. That USB drive was currently on top of the refrigerator where you couldn't see it, but it was still enough to upset you when you thought about it. But at the same time, you missed your boyfriend and wanted him to come home, and you knew Noah would benefit from talking to him.

You wasted so much time looking at fucking apples that you were going to be late if you didn't get going. You winced as you used the purple princess credit card to pay for the food, and then you organized everything in the back of the Bronco. You loved driving it and briefly wondered if he'd still let you after he got home. 

You pulled into the gas station that was just a few blocks from Noah's daycare, once again using Bradley's credit card. You sighed as you inserted the card for payment and then started to fill the tank. And then you looked up toward the next row of pumps, and you were sure you knew that BMW. A second later, you met Meredith's gaze, and a chill went through your body.

You were afraid your voice was going to shake, but you called out, "You're not supposed to come near me."

She laughed maliciously. "This is a gas station, and I was here first. So maybe you should stay away from me."

"With pleasure," you snarled. You had to close your eyes against the sick feeling that rose inside you. Naked. You could picture her naked. Bradley used to love her. 

"You already ruined my life," Meredith snapped. "So your little restraining order stunt really doesn't matter to me." Then she was climbing into her car, and you watched her peel out of the parking lot and into traffic, heading in the opposite direction from Noah's daycare. 

Your hands were unsteady as you finished up at the gas pump. She was right; she had been at the gas station first. She was with Bradley first. She was Noah's mom before you ever came into the picture as his babysitter. She was everywhere, and she wouldn't go away.

----------------------

Bradley emailed you days ago to let you know he would be able to FaceTime with you and Noah tonight, but you'd only written back, "Sounds good." You didn't give him any updates. You didn't call him Daddy. You didn't say anything else. 

Sounds good.

He grunted as he worked out in the gym. The sooner he could get this deployment completed and get home, the better. Carl's face was starting to look better now, but Bradley smiled every time he saw the bruises. He had no idea what excuse the other man had given for looking like a raccoon with two black eyes and a bent nose, and he didn't really fucking care. If anyone assumed he was the one who caused the bruising, they probably also assumed it was warranted. 

Those polaroids were wrapped up and put away now. But Bradley wanted the real thing. Your body and your voice. He'd been thinking about how insufficient it felt to call you his girlfriend. Just the same way you'd always felt like more than Noah's babysitter to them. But now with your lack of a real response, Bradley felt a little foolish for thinking about proposing to you. 

When it was time to make the call home, he sighed deeply. And when you answered your phone on the living room couch, your expression was hesitant. 

"Princess," he rasped, holding the iPad with both hands. "Baby. I miss you."

It felt like an eternity before you responded. "We miss you, too." 

He had so much he wanted to say and talk about, but your voice was just a little too soft, and your eyes were just a little too sad. "What's wrong?" he asked, but you were already shaking your head.

"Here. Talk to Noah." And then you were out of the frame, and Noah was there. Bradley laughed as he talked about daycare and making something called peanut butter snails and going for hikes. He held up some of the coloring sheets he had worked on, and Bradley noted that you had dated all of them. You always did little things like that. Now he'd be able to see which days his son worked on the coloring sheets when he got home. 

"I miss you so much, bub."

"Will you come home soon?" Noah asked, and Bradley's heart absolutely melted. 

"Really soon. And we can go to the beach and maybe take a little vacation, okay? Now can you sit with Princess so I can talk to her, too?"

And then you were immediately back in the frame and scooping Noah onto your lap. So you must have been standing right there the whole time. 

"That's better," Bradley sighed. His house, his kid, his girl. "You have no idea how much I wish I was on that couch with you." 

You smiled softly. "Do you know when you'll be back?"

"I'm not sure, Baby. Not soon enough. Tell me about work."

So you indulged him in a few stories, and it sounded like you fit in there. You liked your coworkers, especially Dr. Kelly. You loved all the kids you got to talk to and care for all day. But you still seemed a little distant.

"Are you sleeping okay?" he asked. "Any issues?"

You pressed a kiss to Noah's cheek and said, "We just miss you. That's all."

"We want you to come home," Noah whined. 

"Please?" you added softly. 

"So soon," he reiterated, wishing he could give you both a kiss. "Watch for my emails?"

"I will," you promised. 

"I love you. Both of you."

Then you and Noah said in unison, "I love you, too." And then he had to end the call.

------------------------

Well it was done now. You were on your way to get the last few things from your place with Noah before you turned your key over to your landlord. Or former landlord. You were done paying rent here, and now you could start helping Bradley pay his mortgage. In fact, he would be home in a few days, and you'd talk to him about it then. There were actually a lot of things you wanted to have a conversation about.

"Do you remember when you came here for dinner? And I made you spaghetti in my little kitchen?"

"That was a long time ago," Noah insisted, and you held his hand as you walked up the sidewalk. "You live at my house now."

"Yep," you replied softly as you let go of his hand and dug around in your bag for the key you hardly ever used now. "Let's just hope that makes your Daddy happy and not annoyed since I never really gave him a verbal answer," you mumbled, finally locating the key. 

As you shoved it into the lock, Noah knelt down and picked something up from the porch. "What's this?" he asked, reaching his hand up to you.

Your eyes went wide. "Drop it," you said right away, and he let the piece of broken glass fall back to the porch. But there was more. Both of you were standing in it, and when you reached to turn the knob, there must have been a shard there.

"Shit," you gasped as your right palm started bleeding. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you kicked the door fully open. One of the panes of glass in the door had been smashed, and there was more of the mess on the floor inside. "Don't touch anything," you hissed, and Noah started crying. 

You kept him close enough to take a few pictures as soon as you were able to fumble with your phone. You took seven photos of all the glass plus the item that had been left. For you. It was just a dollar store coloring book, but there was a note on top of it written in crayon. Have fun playing house.

It had to have been from Meredith. Who else could have done it? She was already claiming you ruined her life. And ever since you saw her at the gas station, you were nervous that wasn't the last of her.

Blood was starting to pool a little bit in your upturned palm, and there wasn't much you could do at the moment except for ruin your shirt. "Let's get out of here," you whispered, and the two of you walked back across the porch, the glass crunching beneath your feet. 

You were able to buckle Noah with one hand, but even when you got back to Bradley's house, you were still bleeding. And the glass needed to be removed. So you finally caved and called Natasha. 

"I kind of need your help," you told her vaguely over the phone.

She laughed in response. "I kind of need a lot of things. What can I do for you?"

"Can you come by and help me remove a piece of glass from my dominant hand?"

"Fuck. Of course. I'm on my way," she replied, all tones of joking  gone. 

She was there in less than fifteen minutes, and she washed her hands right away. Then she used the sterilized tweezers that you handed to her to carefully remove the glass. "Just the one piece?" she asked, meeting your eyes. 

"I think so. I already checked Noah really thoroughly."

Nat's expression darkened. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

You were pressing some gauze against your palm now. You might need stitches. You would probably benefit from getting stitches. But you couldn't do them yourself with your left hand, and you didn't want to leave Noah right now. Not even with Nat. He was watching a Mickey Mouse cartoon on the couch, and you didn't want him further away from you than that. 

"It was just some broken glass," you replied. 

"Here?" she asked, looking around the kitchen.

"No. At my old place. It's fine. I just need to tell my landlord about it, and I'll replace it." You were amazed how easily you were able to keep your voice steady. 

"Right," Nat replied with an unamused look. "Bradley will be home in a couple days? Do you want me to stay here until he's back?"

"Of course not. We're fine," you insisted, averting your gaze.

She stood to leave and sighed deeply. "Please call me back if you need anything, okay? And do us both a favor and don't lie to Bradley when you pick him up."

You pressed your lips together and nodded. "I won't," you said softly. And after she left, you took Noah into bed with you and snuggled him tight. 

---------------------

I hate Carl. I hate Meredith. I want Daddy to come home. Hope you enjoy your fic, @beyondthesefourwalls And thank you @mak-32 !

PART 32

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[copperbadge]

Europeans, I have some questions.

Do you know what ambrosia salad is?

If so, is the version you know of a) a normal salad or b) a "dessert" salad?

Do you know what Dirt Cake is?

If so, is that common knowledge in your region?

(What country/region do you live in, other context you wish to add, etc)

I'm working on the new Shivadh novel and I underestimated the comedic potential of Simon, a classically trained French chef who has been cooking for European nobility for thirty years, trying to set a menu for a graduation party with Noah, your average American teenaged garbage disposal, and Eddie, who is literally based on Guy Fieri. Reminds me of the bit in Infinite Jes where Michaelis mentions that Eddie and Gerald had him judge a debate about Hot Pockets and then confesses he doesn't actually know what they are.

(Context for the end of the snippet -- Hugo and Gwen are Simon's brother and sister-in-law, Claude is his young nephew.)

"Huh, okay, so are we doing like a salad theme?" 

"How do you mean?" Noah asked.

"Oh, just, you've got a potato salad and a pasta salad. I'd suggest a Jello salad for dessert but..." Eddie broke off at Alanna's horrified look. "That is what you will see on everyone's face," he said to Noah, pointing at Alanna. 

"Not so, I could do an aspic," Simon protested. "Sweet or savory, very traditional -- not this nonsense from American cookbooks from sixty years ago."

"American nonsense is kinda my brand," Noah pointed out. "Uh, I don't think we realized we were building a giant salad course but I am into that, actually. I'd like to discuss the Jello Salad," he said, and Eddie crowed delightedly while Alanna blanched, so Simon had to mediate a good-natured but extensive debate about gelatin in sweet dessert salads. 

It was an education; when he showed Hugo and Gwen what Americans thought ambrosia salad was, later, their horror was gratifying. It was a fitting prelude to his next exhibit, the Dirt Cake pudding cup, which made Hugo pretend to faint but -- even better -- fascinated little Claude so much that he insisted he wanted them instead of a cake for his next birthday. 

"He'll forget by the time the birthday arrives," Simon assured Hugo, who pretended to mop a sweaty brow. "And if he doesn't, I can elevate this. A light coffee mousse with chocolate biscuits -- drizzle with a sweet wine reduction -- jellied candy flavored with dragonfruit and blackcurrant."

"Can we put bones in the dirt?" Claude asked, already exploring his terrible American dessert options on his tablet. 

"Not human," Gwen said hurriedly. "That's a bridge too far for a birthday party, my darling," she told Claude. 

"Dinosaur bones?" Claude asked hopefully. Gwen and Hugo both looked at Simon. 

"Meringue, or marzipan," Simon pronounced. "Yes, that could be done. Well, my little gravedigger, we will see," he told Claude, tousling his hair.

[telugu-girl-13]

a diamond's gotta SHINE ✧˖°.

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Thanks for reading! <3

[twyftwyt]

Warnings: slight smut, anger

Noah Sebastian x fem!reader

Authors note: this is a little something I found in my drafts that I’m debating on continuing (as a one shot tho)

“I thought we talked this through. Stop acting up. Not in public. Not right now.”

And he had a point. He really did. We both hated making a scene in public and we rarely had spats. We knew better than to throw fits and fists at each other, but my vision was so blurry from all the hurt and anger that my brain went blank the moment we stepped out of the restaurant.

We had a small argument before we left the hotel, to grab dinner with everyone else, but we agreed on postponing the conversation for later. For when we’re alone, between the comfort of the four walls of our hotel room. But things didn’t go as planned and escalated pretty quickly when something in me snapped the moment he made a sarcastic comment towards me, at dinner. I bit back, of course, and he didn’t like it. We were both on edge the whole evening. I could see him fidgeting a lot, tapping his knee, looking over at me and I purposefully ignored him. Which steered the pot even more.

“You know better than to act like this. Please, I don’t have the patience to do this tonight.”

That was the last text message that I got from him. At one point I got up and went to the toilet only to come back and sit on the other end of the table. As far away from him as possible. A change he noticed in an instant. I was too far gone to start acting right so I just grabbed my phone from where it was laying on the table and started typing away as fast as I could. My annoyance visible to those around me now.

“So you get a free pass in the asshole department and I don’t?!”

The moment I hit sent and my message displayed as “Seen” my eyes shot up at him. And he was already glaring at me. His eyes were low and darkened. I knew I hit a nerve. And I knew that I knew better than to do that, but I was seeing red at this point. I saw him move in his seat till he got his wallet out and put a 50 dollar bill on the table.

“That should cover our dinner. We’re going back to the hotel, because whatever was in that salad is not doing my stomach any good right now.”

What a decent liar. He got up from the table and motioned at me with his index finger. A lump got stuck in my throat, cause I knew what was coming. I hated fighting with him. Especially in cases where the fight had gotten so stupid that we’ve both already lost sense of reality and the thing we were fighting over.

I excused myself from the table and followed in his footsteps quickly. The air outside was cold and dry and I felt his arm wrap around me. His hot breath tickled my hair when I felt his lips press against my temple.

“You wanna finish that conversation in person?”

He felt hot to the touch and his body was starting to shake. Not from the coldness, I knew I had pressed a sensitive button.

“I don’t wanna fight, Noah.”

My tone was more desperate than I intended it to be.

“Then why do you keep saying silly shit?”

“Because you push me, Noah. I don’t even think you realize how you push my buttons at times and it takes all the strength I have in me to not go back to my old ways and tell you to go fuck yourself. It’s stupid, the shit we’ve been fighting over, these last few days. Have you noticed that?! We’re not fighting over little scenarios and situations, it’s deeper than that. But I’m not ready to talk about it and apparently so aren’t you. And that’s okay. We’ll get to it at some point, but we.can’t.keep.doing.this.”

I blurted out the whole thing in one breath and got dizzy shortly after shutting my mouth. We had picked up the pace and he was gripping my arms so tight that I felt like I could fly off the ground if I lift my feet.

“I think we trigger unhealed parts of our brains, thus we go back to old ways and I hate it. Sometimes I don’t even know what to do with you.”

I didn’t know what to do with him either.

“I don’t want fight over silly little things, cause we’re just gonna get tired of each other at one point. But you’re right. We do trigger each other in a way that I can’t understand neither explain and I don’t know what to do with us.”

I knew we weren’t gonna solve this overnight. So we spent the rest of the walk to the hotel in silence. We got in the elevator and as he was fumbling for his key, I leaned on the wall behind me. His tall frame was hovering over me and I could see his shoulders were tense. We were both worked up from tonight. The moment our elevator announced our floor and the doors opened, he grabbed my hand and lead me to our room. He was always firm but gentle. He was quick in his reactions and he kept his composure at all times. I admired him a lot for that. But he was too calm sometimes. Too composed. Too silent. Too much in his head. I was an anxious over thinker and he was avoidant. And we were trying so hard to give each other the needed space and reassurance, but there were times like this, where our worlds crashed. When all we wanted was to just collide peacefully.

He threw his hoodie on the couch and got out of his shoes as soon as we closed and locked the door behind us. The room was dimly lit by only the nightstand lamps and the orange light illuminated off of his body.

“I’m getting in the shower. Do you need something?”

“From the shower?”

He rolled his eyes at me and I smiled at him.

“I wanna take your tank top off.”

And I didn’t mean it in a sexual way. I just wanted to feel him close, to feel the heat emanating from his body.

“Go on then.”

He lifted his arms in front of me.

“You have to sit on the bed, babe. I can’t reach that high.”

I rolled my eyes at him this time. He stepped backwards a few times until his legs hit the wooden board of the bed and he sank down on the soft cushions. I straddled him and untuck his tank top from his sweats, lifting it slowly from his torso. I felt his hands slide down my waist and my breath stuck in my throat. I removed his tank top and put it on the bed beside us, looking down at him, running my fingers through his hair.

“You’re giving me the eyes.”

His own breaths were coming out short.

“What eyes?”

“The “fuck me” eyes. You’re giving me the “fuck me” eyes.”

“I am not.” A lie.

“Don’t play.”

“Or what?”

I saw him clench his jaw and his hands slid down to my thighs, gripping them hard, pulling me down on him.

“You’ve given me plenty of reasons to not be gentle with you tonight. Don’t give me more, Y/N.”

At this point I was grinding my crotch against his, feeling his erection grow behind the three pieces of fabric separating us. So much for staying mad or talking things through.

“I can handle your worst, Noah.”

We were both still coming down from that fight earlier and I knew what to expect. But then again, I think always know with Noah. I’ve studied and learned his ways so well, that I can tell what he’s thinking about the minute I look at him. It’s crazy to think that we’re here now, looking back at what we started as. Just two shy people brought against our will to a friends party.

I felt his slick fingers unzipping my skirt and lifting it up higher around my waist. The button on my white shirt flew, because apparently he didn’t have the patience to unbutton them one by one and I awed in surprise.

“I need you to be a good girl and get on your knees for me.”

His voice was huskier than ever, his eyes darkened. That was the Noah that took over when he couldn’t handle his emotions at the moment and left them for later. And I gave in, cause I was the same in that sense. So I obeyed and slipped down to my knees in front of him, looking at up with deer eyes. What next, my love? What else are we gonna bury with sex?

[doriandrifting]

Uhm I don’t know how to break it to some of y’all but Noah’s last post was asking people to stand with Israel before he went ghost on social media. In the wake of what happened, I gave him the benefit of the doubt with that post. But I was scrolling through my fyp and saw literal dead Palestinian bodies and the next video was his return to social media with a smoothie ad where he is manually deleting comments including mine voicing how fed I up I was watching that bullshit. Not because I have some parasocial relationship or because I’m disappointed. Just because I refuse to have cognitive dissonance about this.

Like I’m not gonna tell people how to feel or judge anyone for seeing this differently, but I really need y’all to extend that same principle to those of us who literally just think that is some utter fuck shit. Because I do. I’m watching Israeli soldiers doing Tiktok dance trends on my fyp. A sponsored smoothie ad filmed by a millionaire in his mansion amongst videos of genocide after he posted pro-Israel propaganda and leaves up lies about beheaded babies for his millions of followers. All the while I’m sitting at my regular ass job debating putting a bus ticket to Washington D.C. on my credit card so I can go protest because there are people being slaughtered with my tax dollars. I don’t hate Noah Schnapp, but please don’t ask me to care about him right now.

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

A/N: Unedited. Had to get this out of my brain. Let me know if any errors, please!

Masterlist

9 - Lilith

Lilith stood outside the door to the place she had once called home, her gaze transfixed on the door handle. It was two in the morning. Freezing outside. Yet here she was, debating if she should call, knock, or ring the doorbell. She wasn't even fully sure why she was there. All she knew was she couldn't sleep, Sadie was gone for a couple of days with Jolly, and now she was here. Ringing the doorbell likely wasn't a good option. That would wake everyone. Chewing on her bottom lip she pulled out her phone, hesitating over his contact. With shaking hands she pressed call, putting the phone up to her ear.

"Bambi? What's up? You okay?" His voice, rough from sleep filtered through the speaker to her.

"Fuck. You were sleeping. I'm sorry." She sighed, turning back towards her car.

"No, no. It's okay. What's going on?"

"Couldn't sleep. Uhm. I'm sort of outside. Didn't wanna wake the whole house."

There was a long pause in which she could hear movement. Followed quickly by the sound of the door unlocking before the call cut off, the door swinging open. There he stood, hair slightly mussed, in sweatpants and a plain shirt.

“It’s freezing out here,” he complained, motioning her inside. “Jesus. How long you been out there? You’re not even wearing a jacket, Bambi.”

“Not too long. I couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive. Apparently to here.” She shrugged, stepping through the door and slipping out of her shoes.

The soft click of the door shutting, the lock sliding into place, throwing them into total darkness startled her. Her heart suddenly felt like it was going to burst through her ribcage. A lamp turned on to her left, and the feeling only intensified. Everything was mostly the same, almost exactly as she remembered it. The TV was different. Newer. Pictures still hung on the walls, but none of them included her anymore. The plants she had left behind were still there, though. Clearly well taken care of.

Five years since she had stood in this exact spot. The memory was still so fresh. Like it had only just happened. The way he had looked as he walked in the door. How she had known right then that he had cheated. She could practically smell the perfume that had clung to him.

“The pictures are up in our-“ he paused, quiet for a moment before he corrected himself. “My bedroom.”

All she could do was nod, her throat tightening. He had kept the pictures. Hadn’t thrown them out as she would have. But kept them. Why? The plants still being around didn’t surprise her. But the pictures?

“Listen, Lilly. We can go somewhere. Drive around together. Whatever it is that you need.”

His voice was calm. Too calm. How the fuck was he so calm right now?

“Show me.” She turned to him, pinching the spot at the base of her thumb to keep the tears at bay.

“Show you what?”

“The pictures, Noah. Show me where they are. Unless you have someone you’re hiding?” Where the fuck had that come from? It wasn’t any of her business if he had moved on. He had every right to.

His long arm reached out, the palm of his hand upturned. Hesitant she looked between his face and his hand, taking note of just how open and vulnerable he looked in that moment. His dark eyes searched her own light ones, his brow furrowed just slightly. Shaking off the dread gnawing at her stomach she took his hand and let him lead her up into the bedroom they once shared.

She stepped into the bedroom, blinking as he flicked on the lights, closing the door behind them. Slowly, carefully, she took note of the empty bed. The slew of pictures all over the walls. Pictures that had once lived in the living room. How the picture of the two of them on their first date still had its place on the mirror.

Tears blurred her vision as she looked around, a choked sob bursting out of her as she clamped her hand over her mouth in a feeble attempt to muffle it. Slowly she walked around the room, trailing her fingertips over everything she passed. It was the same. The bed was even in the same spot. Even the “I love you” she had written on part of the mirror was still there. Finally, she turned to him.

“Why?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Broken.

“There’s no getting over you.”

“Then why did you-“ her voice cracked as she fought to keep herself together. “What did I do that was so wrong that you did that?”

The dam broke, her breath coming in short spurts as the tears finally cascaded down her face. Her hand absentmindedly rubbed at her chest, desperate to relieve the ache there. Noah crossed the room in two long strides, taking her face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away tears while his shine in his, unshed.

“Bambi. Baby. Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. I fucked up. Not you. I did this, and me alone.”

His long arms wrapped around her, pulling her into him. Face pressed against his chest, her own arms wrapped around him, hands gripping his shirt at his back, she sobbed. Finally, after years of desperately trying to keep it all down, she let herself break in the arms of the person she had always felt safest with. All while he whispered over and over that it was his cross to bear.

“I don’t understand it,” she choked out, holding tighter to him.

“Baby, I’ve been in therapy for years now and I still don’t quite understand why I fucked up the one truly good thing in my life.” He sighed, squeezing her just a little tighter, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

Gentle yet firm he placed his fingers under her jaw, tipping her face up to look at him. What she saw there made her breath catch in her throat for a different reason. Those big brown eyes of his reflected her own pain, but underneath it was the love she had once seen there every time he had looked at her.

His thumb shifted lower on her face, slowly tracing her bottom lip. And just as slowly he lowered his mouth toward hers, pausing just a fraction of an inch away.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked, lips lightly brushing hers as he spoke.

Her heart stuttered in her chest as she looked up at him, the anxiety that had gripped her the second she walked through that front door now gone. She was caught in his orbit again, and though past experience told her to run, she couldn’t help but give in.

“Yes,” she whispered, barely finishing the word before his lips were on hers.

His lips on hers were tender, the slightest bit of mint still lingering on them. Her heart kicked into overdrive as she relaxed into him, the two of them gently exploring each other, like it was their first kiss all over again. Time seemed to stand still as they stood there locked in a tight embrace, and she knew in that moment that she never wanted to be without him again.

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @alwaysfightforwhoyouare

[jennay]

I’m losing it

Request: let's say the reader has to stay at home to look after a sick older relative, but she is neglecting her own life, putting her own life on hold; so Noah pays her a surprise visit so they can spend some time together, so she can have a day to distract herself; just to remind her that she can count on him and that it's okay to allow herself to take care of herself.. That everything will be fine, he's there.

Noah master list

Word Count: 3500ish

No Warnings

An: I Hope this is what you were going for. Enjoy 💜

Noah waited for several rings before he decided it was time to hang up the phone. He texted you several times throughout the day, hoping to get your attention, but it seemed like you were busier than usual lately. He didn't want to be an overbearing boyfriend, but he also needed confirmation that you were okay, and he wouldn't complain about having some other company than the men in his band. He loved them like brothers, but even brothers got annoyed with each other, and while they were on tour, it wasn't like he could escape from them.

Noah laid back on the couch as he turned the TV on. He needed something to drown out his worries.

"What's got your feathers all ruffled?" Jolly asks as he sits on a stool by Noah. He hands Noah a beer, and he gladly accepts his offer.

"Can't get ahold of (y/n)." He pops the lid of his drink.

"She's probably fine, dude. It's like midnight there. Isn't she her Grandma's caregiver? Old people get up early."

Noah sits up, crossing one leg over the other, still staring at the top of his can, debating if he wanted the alcohol because he was stressed or if it was because he would enjoy it. "She didn't text me today." He frowns, checking his phone one last time. "It's not normal."

"Call her in the Morning-"

"Hold on." He said, quickly answering your video call. "Hey!" He exclaims, getting up and walking to the back of the bus, leaving Jolly behind.

He saw you yawn in the dim light of your lamp. "Sorry to wake you up."

You shook your head and stretched on the bed, holding the phone above you. "You didn't. I was just about to sleep. Sorry, I didn't text you back. I kept forgetting, and I had so much to do today. It's been crazy here, and I feel like I'm losing my mind." You covered your eyes with your hand, trying not to cry. You didn't want to burden Noah with your problems, especially when he was so far away from you. "I should get some sleep." You whispered, removing your hand from your face.

"Baby…" Noah said softly, noticing the tears in your eyes. You looked different. Your eyes were duller than usual, you had dark circles under them, and your cheeks looked hollow.

"Okay," He said gently; he wanted to talk to you more and listen to your day, even if it was chaotic and stressful, but he felt he didn't know the person on the screen. He wondered if it was the camera angle or if you were losing weight again. He felt anxiety at every thought that crossed his mind. Were you sick, was it stress, or was taking care of your Grandma too much for you? It wasn't like you had any breaks, and even when Noah was around and able to help you, it was only for a few minutes while you showered or cooked dinner. There wasn't enough time to relax and care for yourself.

"I love you." He said sincerely. "I miss you."

"I love you more." You said softly, closing your eyes.

"Are you challenging me?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood. "Because you'll lose every time."

You chuckled weakly, and he was glad to see you smile. "I'm too tired to argue with you right now, Love." You pulled the covers over yourself. "I'll talk to you in the morning. Sleep well."

He nodded in agreement, "I will soon. Bye babe, dream of me!"

You smirked, "I always do."

Noah walks to the other guys' lounging, "Where are we going next?"

Nicholas, who took over Noah's previous spot on the couch, gazes up curiously. "Why."

Noah shrugs, "I think I need to go see (Y/n). She looked rough and I’m a little worried."

His bandmates know better than to fight his ideas; once he was on a mission, Noah was not stopping.

"If you left tomorrow and met us out there. It could work, but you'd have what, less than two days to go there, fly out, and make it to the show?" Nicholas tells him.

"Sweet. Well, guess we're making a pit stop."

Your phone alarm buzzed, and you pressed snooze at least three times before turning it off and getting up. The phone read 7 a.m., and you weren't ready for it.

You weren't the type to complain. You never did, especially in this situation. Even when you felt exhausted, frustrated, or lonely, you kept your mouth shut and your smile on. You didn't want to burden anyone else with your problems or make them think you were ungrateful for what you had.

A part of you guilted yourself every time you thought about what it would be like not to have the responsibility of taking care of your Grandma through her decline.

You loved her with everything you had and didn't regret choosing this path, but you wished you had a better understanding when you offered to help.

You wished you knew how hard it would be to see her forget your name, struggle with simple tasks, or lose interest in life.

You wished you had more support, resources, and time for yourself. But you never said any of this out loud.

Making your way to the bedroom bathroom, you start your routine for the morning. You brush your teeth, wash your face, and comb your hair. You look at yourself in the mirror and try to find some confidence in your appearance.

You put on some makeup and a simple outfit that matches your mood. You exit your room and go to your Grandma's room, knocking on the door and waiting for her to respond. You hear her shuffling to the door, and when she opens it, she stares at you with surprise.

You smile wildly, trying to ignore the signs of her not knowing who you are at this very moment. "Hi, grandma, I was coming to get you for breakfast." You hold your hand for her to grab, remembering your previous training classes.

She smiles warmly and takes your hand. You observe her outfit and note that she dressed herself for the day; that usually meant it would be a good morning.

You take her hand and lead her down the stairs, letting her lean on your shoulder as she descends slowly. You feel her grip tighten with every step and squeeze back reassuringly. You reach the kitchen and help her sit at the table, then go to make some coffee and pop some bread in the toaster.

"What do you want to do today?" You ask.

"I've gotta go to work," She tells you. "That Ranch won't take care of itself."

You bite your bottom lip, knowing she hasn't worked in years. "Well," You say, grabbing her toast and coffee for her to bring to her. "You have today off. Grandpa went and asked that I spend some quality time with you. He said you need to have a girl's day with me." You hated lying to her like this, but you knew it was the only way to help her through these things. She was diagnosed with Dementia a year ago, and you'd been taking online classes and seminars in hopes of learning how to cope and help a loved one with the disease.

"Oh," She says, sipping her coffee. "He's such a good man. You know we've been married for 62 years." She smiles, and you wonder what memories are going through her mind. "We were so young, and he was just as handsome as ever."

You bring your coffee over and sit next to her. "I bet! He'd have to be to score a woman like you!"

She giggles at your remark, "Should we see Betty Lou today?" She asks, referring to her sister.

You must think of another lie quickly before she notices something is wrong, or your mood has shifted. "It sounds like you're trying to get rid of me." You joke.

She smiles, tilting her chin to meet your eyes, "You need a husband."

No matter how far gone she'd gotten or aged, she would never stop giving you a hard time about not having a husband. She often forgot about Noah, and when you'd show her pictures, she would gush and tell you how handsome he was and that someday you'd have beautiful babies; she couldn't wait for that day. She once told Noah she knew a priest who could marry the two of you in the kitchen that day, and when you refused, she scolded you.

"I think we should get some baking done today." You say, changing the conversation. "I love those chocolate chip cookies you make."

Her eyes light up at the thought, and she agrees without hesitation. One of her favorite things to do was bake treats for everyone.

When she finishes her coffee and breakfast, you take her plates, and she follows you to the kitchen. You wonder how this will end; the last time the two of you did this, you nearly lost your cool. You tried to be patient, and you tried to be understanding, but you would grow tired and frustrated just as anyone else would.

You put on some music and start gathering the ingredients for the cookies. You hope the familiar activity will calm her down and bring back some happy memories.

You smile as you watch her hum along to the songs she used to sing to you when you were little. You measure the flour and sugar and hand them to her. She pours them into a large bowl and mixes them with a wooden spoon. You take the time to crack the eggs and add them to the bowl, along with some vanilla extract.

You open the bag of chocolate chips and pour some into a small bowl. You hand it to her and tell her to add them to the dough. She looks at you with a puzzled expression.

"What are these?" She asks, pointing at the chocolate chips. She doesn't remember what chocolate chips are. How could she forget something so simple and delicious? You try to hide your sadness and explain to her. "They're chocolate chips, Grandma. They make the cookies taste good. You love them, remember?" She shakes her head and pushes the bowl away.

"No, I don't like chocolate. It's too sweet." She says, making a face. You stare at her in disbelief. She doesn't like chocolate? That's impossible. She used to eat chocolate every day, sometimes even for breakfast.

She would always sneak you some when your parents weren't looking. She would say that chocolate was good for the soul and that life was too short to deny yourself pleasure.

How could she forget that? You feel anger and frustration. You want to scream at her and tell her that she's wrong, that she's not herself, that she's losing her mind. You want to shake her and make her remember who she is, who you are, and who you were. But you know that won't help. You know that won't change anything. You know you must be patient and understanding, even when it hurts.

You take a deep breath and force a smile. "That's okay, grandma." You say, gently taking the bowl from her hands. "We can make something else if you want." You look around the kitchen and see a bunch of bananas on the counter. You remember that she used to make banana bread with you when you were little. Maybe she would like that better. Perhaps she would remember that.

"Hey, how about we make some banana bread?" You suggest picking up a banana and peeling it. "You used to make the best banana bread in the world."

She looks at you with a faint smile. "Did I?" She asks, taking the banana from you and breaking it into pieces.

You nod enthusiastically. "Yes, you did." You say, hoping that she will believe you. "And I'm sure you still do." You grab another banana and peel it, handing it to her. She takes it and adds it to the bowl with the flour and sugar mixture. Add baking soda, salt, butter, and milk, stirring everything together. You hope that this will work out better than the cookies. You hope that this will make her happy. You hope that this will make you happy too.

She is exhausted after a few hours of work, and you gently wipe her hands and change her into comfortable clothes. You tuck her onto the living room couch with her favorite show, I Love Lucy, playing on the TV. You sit beside her and exhale deeply, feeling mentally drained. You tell yourself you'll close your eyes only for a moment, but that moment turns into a deep slumber; opening your eyes feels nearly impossible. You have been sleeping with your door open at night and constantly listening out for your Grandma. It has been hard to sleep sometimes, and it has only worsened as her condition deteriorated.

It's been hard for you to watch her decline and to be her primary caregiver. Today was a good day, but you still felt overwhelmed. Love wasn't always enough. Your eyes snap open when you hear knocking on your front door. You don't bother getting up at first. It is probably the mailman reminding Grandma to check her mail. He does it almost daily, but you open your eyes and get up when the knocking persists.

"I'm coming!" It seems like whenever you need rest the most, you are interrupted.

You open the door, ready to take the mail from the man, but your mouth drops with surprise. You can't believe your eyes.

Noah stands at your front door, smiling and holding his arms out. He pushes through the door and wraps you in a hug. "Surprise!" He says, kissing you, but you're still in shock. "What?" He says, looking at you with amusement. "You're not excited to see me?"

"Noah," You finally say, tears forming in your eyes. "What are you doing here? How did you…?" You pull him back to you, resting your head on his chest, and hold him tighter.

"I just wanted to surprise you." He says casually. "I was thinking we could go out for a little bit." He pulls back, bringing his hand to cup your face.

You can see the worry in his eyes as he watches you intently. His thumb gently brushes the free-falling tear. "I can't, you know that..." You say, glancing over at your sleeping Grandmother. "I can't just leave."

You close the door behind Noah and watch his eyes curiously bounce around the home. "It smells like banana bread."

"We did some baking...and-"

He cuts you off quickly, "Go shower. You have flour all over your shirt, and your aunt will be here soon, so we can go out for the evening."

You open your mouth to say something, but Noah shakes his head, "Go, besides, Grandma loves me. We'll be fine if she wakes up." He leans down, kissing you again before hurrying you up the stairs.

You felt like you were in the shower for hours, but in all reality, it had been 30 minutes. It must've been the longest shower you've taken in a while, and it felt so nice not to worry about anything while Noah was downstairs.

You take your time brushing your tangled hair, putting on a little makeup, and getting dressed up in a lovely summer dress with cute wedged high heels, nothing too fancy or flashy. You don't want to draw attention to yourself or make Noah feel uncomfortable. He is already doing so much for you by being here.

As you walk into the kitchen, you hear dishes clink together and mentally slap yourself, remembering all the dishes you left in your sink. You had been too busy and stressed to deal with them, but now you feel guilty for making Noah do your chores. He is scrubbing away with a smile on his face while your aunt leans against the counter, talking to him. She seems to like him, which is rare for her. She usually disapproves of anyone of the male gender.

"You didn't have to do that." You tell him. You rest your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his waist.

He freezes briefly and then relaxes against your touch. "It's not a big deal, babe." He leans down and presses his lips against your hair, inhaling your scent. "I wanted to help out."

You smile, thankfully releasing your grip from around him. You say hi to your aunt but not much more. You weren't close with your family, and it often showed. You always thought it should be her caring for her mother, not you. But she had her own life and problems, and you had yours.

"Let's get out of here," Noah says as he dries his hands on the stove towel. Sensing the tension, he turns to your aunt, "It was nice seeing you again. We won't be too late."

When you exit the door, you hand Noah your car keys, "Where are we going?"

"I thought we could go downtown, get something to eat, and see where the night goes." He says, opening the car door for you.

You get in and close the door behind you. "I'm so glad you're here." You say, touching his arm. "Thank you for coming."

He pulls out of the driveway, "You don't have to thank me, babe. These are things you do when you love someone."

Noah glances from the road and at you, wondering what's going through your mind now. "I'm kinda worried about you taking this on by yourself." He admits. "I can see it's taking a toll on you."

You feel a tightness in your chest, "I'm okay, Noah. I just need to get into a better sleep routine." You try to sound casual, but your voice cracks.

He rests his hand on your thigh, rubbing your skin with his thumb. "Babe, it's not just the sleep." He looks at you with concern and love in his eyes.

You groan, not wanting to have this conversation with him, "Can we not do this right now?" You wish he would just drop it and let you be.

Noah pulls to the curb next to all the shops and small dinners. He turns the car off, walks to your side of the door, and offers his hand to you. "Well," He says, pulling you out of the car, "I think it's a conversation we need to have." He says as he guides you to the sidewalk. "You're neglecting yourself." Noah sighs when he sees you shutting down, your eyes staring at the ground, and you're hardly paying attention to what he's saying. "You know I'm happy to help, right?"

That gets your attention. Your head tilts up, brows furrowed, and you look at him, annoyed, "It's not your burden. Your job is touring the world and making music, not helping me care for my Grandma."

Noah stops in his tracks, growing frustrated. He pulls your arm back, dragging you to him. He holds both of your hands in his and leans forward, "My first job is taking care of you." He says, voice stern but calm. He wasn't budging on this. He cups your face with his hands and kisses you softly, "I love you more than anything, and I want you to be happy and healthy. Please let me help you." He pleads with his eyes, hoping you will open up to him.

You know he means well, but you feel guilty for putting him through this. You hug him tightly and whisper, "I feel like I have to do everything by myself."

Noah strokes your hair and kisses your forehead, "You don't have to do anything alone. I knew this was a thing from the beginning. We're in this together. Let me show you how much I care." He kisses your temple, "It's you and me against the world."

You look into his eyes and feel a wave of love, "Okay, okay. You win. I'll let you help me."

Noah beams proudly, "That's my girl. Come on, let's get some ice cream. You deserve a treat."

[cabeswaterdrowned]

I had a lot I mean A LOT to say about the Blue and Adam ninos fight (and what I’ve written here does not even cover all my thoughts) so be forewarned:

“But I saw you guys trying to hide it. The crazy thing is — like, I’m right here. I’m with you guys every day. Do you think I didn’t see it? He’s my best friend. You think I don’t know him?” “Then why aren’t you having this conversation with him? He’s half of this, you know.”

Have spoken about this before but really I think Adam’s approaching Blue and only Blue about it comes from several different factors. I think one is that they got into a mild conflict in the last book when she and Noah went with him to help with Cabeswater and they were able to resolve it pretty easily and the world did not end, so maybe part of it is that has made Adam a bit more at ease with fighting with Blue being part of their dynamic, but doesn’t feel he has gotten there with Gansey yet. Then certainly Gansey’s looming death is a factor, their fights tend to be so explosive and to have one when he knows there’s a good chance he’ll lose Gansey is too big of a risk for Adam to take, and then combine that with his fear that he will kill Gansey or that any negative emotion he feels towards Gansey can become detrimentally hurtful and of course he wants to avoid that confrontation at all costs, meanwhile Blue is not destined to die and while he has some degree of fear of his anger/negative emotions in every relationship he doesn’t feel that with her in the specific heightened way he does with Gansey so he has freedom to have the fight with her as a stand in for both of them, even though that’s unfair to her as she correctly points out. Then there’s his revelation about Blue’s curse applying to Gansey. I’ve been attempting to track the dynamic of when/how Adam perceives Bluesey and I really think he is at least subconsciously/partially aware of it since late TRB but kind of is partly in denial about it or partly cautious about whether or not he’s wrong for a while, and kind of sets up some tests or opportunities for them (mostly for Gansey, specifically thinking of him asking Gansey to talk to Blue about why she won’t kiss him in tdt then being in a position to observe them together + the beginning of BLLB where he casually suggests to Gansey to take Blue to the next Gansey family function, there’s another instance in BLLB I think that I’m forgetting specifically) to prove this to him + tell him about it, and then when he asks Persephone how he can keep from killing Gansey and she replies with “why do you think your the one who kills him?” or something along those lines it fully clicks / he fully knows about them and the curse falls into place. So that was like a week ago (which by the way this book only being a week after BLLB is crazy pacing wise I have a lot of issues with it that’s for another post), and it’s still fresh. So this all has him connecting the guilt and self loathing and fear he’s been harboring for months about the possibility of killing Gansey, something that has fueled many of his actions (although like. really it’s what the vision represents that fuels all this not the vision itself which is a manifestation of those fears so you could get really theoretical debating that but putting a pin in that for a separate post also) and choices related to Gansey since the vision, to a tangible person who is destined to do what he fears, so he’s seeing what he fears in himself that potential to kill or hurt Gansey and also loving Gansey the two are linked, reflected in Blue who also is in love with Gansey and fears killing/hurting him since she knows it’s likely. So imo he’s projecting a lot of those pent up feelings he has about himself towards Blue. 

-And then specifically him taking her to task for being irresponsible enough to go on the date with Gansey and accusing her of being selfish and not caring about him enough if she’d put him in harms way like this… many things to unpack there first of all Blue would be well within her rights to slap him for that it’s really such an impressive display in self control that she does not, especially after their why-won’t-you-kiss-me conflict and how it played out. Secondly, it feels so true to Adam’s understanding of his own loving and fearing that he will hurt/kill Gansey dilemma, to him the answer is to compartmentalize the love and the hurt in the relationship and be super careful and avoidant to ensure he can’t accidentally hurt Gansey even if it makes him feel lonely and terrible and that when he’s hurt by something Gansey says or does he needs to bottle it up forever because the alternative is to be a monster, and seeing himself as fundamentally not worthy of Gansey, so Blue not treating her relationship with Gansey the way he does throws those compartmentalizations out of order and he sees it as a *wrong* way to feel / act on love for Gansey.

Also it’s sooo funny how he’s like. “Have you considered all the ways you two could potentially kiss in different places in different situations I can’t believe you two have left it to Me to do the math and imagine every possible scenario that could lead to you falling on Gansey’s lips and kissing him, I am of course only doing this on my own time because I am a good friend and a scientist therefore I need imagine Blue and Gansey making out, I must fall on this sword myself. Blue is nicer than me I would have forced him to explain in detail exactly what he meant by that

[sitkowski]

discretion ( noah sebastian x nick folio)

pairing: nick folio x noah sebastian (background nicholas x noah!) cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ semi public sex, bathroom blowjobs, chastity devices (cock cage), partner sharing, implied voyeurism, folio’s a little mean it’s fine. word count: 642 author's note: this is quick and dirty, inspired by the picture you see in the header, and friends putting out brainworms! i literally wrote it between houses today at work. divider by @saradika-graphics

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || locked mini series masterpost

Nick doesn’t think the trash can shoved in front of the door is going to do the trick if someone comes looking. His eyes keep drifting from the bathroom door down to Noah, who’s on his knees giving him the messiest blowjob of his life. Nick doesn’t have to worry about being careful, the last show of the tour is over and Noah’s practically got him in his throat already, humming along to whatever music is pulsating the walls around them. They don’t have much time, and Nick’s hips surge forward impatiently. Noah gags but doesn’t stop, if anything it spurs him on to make even more obscene noises as he grabs onto Nick’s hips and shoves him hard against the edge of the sink.

A fist pounds against the door, and Nick curses as the trash can shifts a little but stays put. He grabs a handful of Noah’s hair, not to pull him off, but to pull him down farther on his cock. If he didn’t know any better, Noah was laughing. Nick looks down at him again and he’s a fucking mess; teary eyes and spit all over his face. He commits him to memory, in case he doesn’t get the opportunity to see him like this again

“Find another fucking bathroom!” Nick yells, voice breaking on a moan.

Noah pulls off, trying to catch his breath and dragging the back of his hand across his mouth. “You close?”

“Who told you to stop?”

He grabs onto Noah’s head and pulls him back down, closing his eyes and letting his head thump back against the mirror. He’s supposed to be a little mean, he reminds himself as he uses his hair to guide him up and down. Noah goes with it, because he’s supposed to. He moves fluidly with every thrust Nick gives him, only gagging occasionally this time, and the sound is obscene to Nick’s ears.

Maybe he’s imagining that the door opens, but he blinks his eyes open and swears that the can has shifted, just a little. He can still hear the music as muted as before. He tugs on Noah’s hair until he pulls off, ignoring the way he whines a little, and he gives his cheek a little tap.

“Okay, open up.”

Noah does what he’s told and Nick wraps his fist around his cock, giving himself the few strokes it takes for him to come across Noah’s tongue. He doesn’t close his mouth right away, and Nick debates taking a picture. But he’s not about to break any rules. Instead he puts his hand beneath Noah’s chin and closes his mouth for him, watching as he swallows slowly.

Nick fixes his clothes, leaving Noah kneeling at his feet for a few more seconds before he helps him up. The minute he’s on his feet, he grabs Nick by the front of his shirt, shoving him harder against the sink as he kisses him desperately. Nick lets him, sliding a hand beneath the hem of his t-shirt and digging his nails into Noah’s side. He trails that hand down to the front of Noah’s pants, feeling for the hard ridge of plastic there instead of hard flesh.

“Poor baby,” Nick laughs, as Noah whines and pulls away a little. “Maybe he’ll be nice and take this off now that the tour is over.”

He doesn’t care if the cock cage comes off one way or the other, it’s not really his business. He leaves Noah to clean up and slips out of the bathroom, only to find Nicholas waiting in the hallway. Nick doesn’t ask if he’d been the one to peek in, he already knows the answer.

“You get what you wanted?” Nicholas asks.

Nick’s eyes flit from his face to the key that’s been around his neck all tour.

“Sure did, thanks.”

⇉ taglist:

@deathblacksmoke @baddestomens @ladyveronikawrites @circle-with-me

@dominuslunae @malice-ov-mercy @collapsedglasshouses @sorrowsofsilence

[wienersmosh]

some thoughts on "getting bored" of smosh

i obviously can't speak for anyone else on why we're getting bored of smosh or why it seems like the fandom (both smoshblr and smoshtwt, strangely enough) is "dying out". for me personally, the main channel hiatus got to me, especially bc it meant that it wasn't just the main channel taking a break, but ian and anthony in general as well. i thought we'd at least get them on pit and games but no, they were taking an actual, proper break from being in all content.

i feel like that's most of the reason why i'm currently bored and unenthusiastic about this fandom. i deactivated my public smoshtwt account bc i didn't see the point of keeping it when there's no ianthony content to talk about (and also bc i am starting to *deeply* resent that side of the fandom). i guess that's understandable enough. if your faves aren't in videos for extended periods of time, you eventually get bored.

but i think part of the reason why i'm bored and detached is bc the lineup that made me love smosh - 2019-2021 smosh, when jackie and kimmy were still there - doesn't exist anymore. noah is a zionist, olivia is mostly AWOL and when she *is* there you can tell she doesn't care enough to put in effort, i don't love damien anymore. i like and appreciate them but i don't watch smosh for amanda, chanse, angela, and trevor, so smosh pushing them so much in videos *on top* of the fact that ian and anthony have been in zero content for the past 2 months exacerbated that boredom.

i think this is just the natural life cycle of being a smosh fan. that company constantly undergoes big changes, including cast lineups, dynamics change and cast members move on with their lives. i really hope they do something soon that would re-spark my love for them.

(hoping this doesn't turn into some sort of "debate" or discourse or people accusing me of hating on smosh. please treat this like a diary entry that happens to be public. i am simply writing about my own feelings and opinions and i'm not trying to vilify anyone at smosh or the smosh fandom.)

[babyhedonistt]

Too Close to Touch // FIVE

Warning : SMUT, swearing

authors note : this took all day to finish, but I hope you guys like it🤍

—

PRESENT DAY

“ There’s nothing to revisit Matt.” Noah explains in a stern whisper. Matt brings his voice down to a whisper, understanding that you were in the room right next to theirs.

“ it’s already bad enough that you both had to sign a nondisclosure agreement about your relationship but the fact that you can’t even get along for the sake of the band is really starting to take a toll on her involvement with Nick’s absence.”

Noah sighs. “It was just so sudden… I didn’t think out of everybody who knows how to play the drums that she would be the only one we would be able to use.”

Matt nods his head before scratching the back of his neck. “ I think you care for her a lot more than you let on I mean it’s written all in your music.” Noah’s color drains from his face as he stares at Matt. “ what are you talking about?” Matt raised an eyebrow before scoffing, followed by a laugh.

“ That one day in the studio? Back in the beginning of February before the death of peace of mind was released? You would not lighten up on how you wanted just pretend to sound.. do you remember that? that was not that long ago. The day we had just found out that Folio had broken his wrist.” Matt continues to point out.

“ I’m just picky about my work. I’ve always been like this.”

“ Noah, you changed the whole sound of the song.”

Noah cocks his head back and rolls his eyes. “ Look, all Im saying is that you two broke up almost three years ago. The least you could do as well as a FAVOR to your injured band mate would be to suck it up with your ex girlfriend for two more shows.” Matt pushes at Noah’s shoulder

Noah thought back to the previous night, where Y/N had made a proposal in which he wasn’t sure he agreed with.

“After the tour is done. I promise you won’t have to see me again” her voice rang in his ears.

What did she even mean?

“Come on.” Matt slaps Noah in the back with a reassuring slap. “ Get some sleep, okay? Im sure Jolly and Nick will return shortly.”

Great.

Before Noah could respond to Matt, he was already walking out of the room. Noah did not want to deal with the repercussions of an upset Ruffilo so he decided to just get into bed and pretend to be asleep until his body actually calmed down enough to. He couldn’t understand why his body was so heated, rushed with adrenaline whenever she was around him.

He just couldn’t figure out why.

Noah pulled back the covers on the bed before he snaked in and just stared at the dark ceiling after turning off the lights. His mind was scrambled. He tried sorting through his thoughts but they all just kept coming back to the one memory that suck out like a sore thumb.

Jolly and Ruffilo eventually came back to the room. Ruffilo seemed to have calmed down because the two shared a laugh when they came back.

Noah could hear the covers move from the bed next to him before he looked over and saw the two trying to sleep. His gaze wandered to the alarm clock resting on the nightstand, the bright red letters glowing in the dark room.

12:47am.

He felt a long sigh leave his mouth before he found himself throwing the covers off his body. he put on his slides and rushed out the front door of the hotel room. It didn’t take him long but eventually he found himself standing in front of yours. His mind was scattered as he mentally debated between trying the door handle or just knocking like a normal person.

Knock Knock Knock.

You jolted awake. You look over at the front door, debating whether or not the sound you just heard was real or if you were simply experiencing a weird dream. Reality was confirmed when the knock happened again, this time more assertive, and frantic.

You thought it to be Matt so you put on your flip flops before making your way to the front door, yawning and trying to wake yourself up.

“Matt?” You groan attempting to look through the peep hole. “Try again.” Noah’s raspy voice sounds on the other side of the door.

“What do you want?” You call, not opening the door. “For you to open the door.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I promise I’m not going to kidnap you.” He states.

You turn the door knob just slightly as you peek your head out to the hallway. “what do you—“

Noah pushes his way into the hotel room and closes the door behind him. “Tell me what you want or I’m gonna fucking scream.”

“ I figured out why you make me so angry.” He bluntly stated. It takes you aback. “Well then.” You scoff.

“It’s the fact you don’t make me angry at all. You make me FRUSTRATED.”

“I don’t…” You shake your head confused.

Noah grabs your face with his hands as he starts backing you away from the door.

“You frustrate me. sexually. you arouse me. you make me crazy. you make me wild because there’s this deep, daunting fire inside of me that wants to push you out of my life so I won’t have to deal with any repercussions of wanting to kiss every bit of your body. A part of me wants to scream from the rooftops that this relationship won’t last. that it’s wrong to want my best friend’s sister. But the other part of me couldn’t care less. And this time, I want to listen to the other part of me.”

You were dumbfounded. Noah has lied to you before. Noah has looked you dead in the eyes in your past and they were filled with hatred.

This time was different. His eyes were somber. his eyes were pleading. His eyes were soft.

This was the Noah you remember.

You don’t say anything, and you latch your hands onto his wrists as he held your face and proceeded to kiss you.

He kissed you like he was hungry, like he had been starved of your touch for too long.

And he has.

His lips were soft. His large hand snaked to the base of your head as he deepened the kiss and you closed your eyes. He keeps backing you up until your legs hit the side of your bed and one of his hands holds the small of your back before resting you gently on your bed. He finally breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours. He was warm to the touch.

“what are you thinking?” you breathed heavily, your hand falling to his chest as his eyes scanned your face, almost looking for any hints of doubt before he proceeded.

“you. i’m thinking about you. I want you, Y/N.” He moved between your legs and took your hand gently with his, snaking it down to the drawstrings of his pants. He placed your hand against his bulge, not breaking eye contact with you once. “This is how bad I want you.”

Your heart sped up and you felt hot at the touch of him beneath your hand. His erection pulsed with agony as you felt the heartbeat and blood flowing through him.

There’s just one thing stopping you.

“Noah…. I’m a virgin…”

That took him aback. He tried to hide it but you could see it in his eyes. It was silent for a minute before he nodded and sat you both up, so you were sitting in his lap.

“It’s not that I don’t want to with you Y/N.” He starts.

“We never did before.” You finish, feeling slightly embarrassed before he moves the hair from your face.

“I know I’m an asshole. but with this I don’t want to be one.” He explains, his voice still hoarse from it being nighttime.

You nod in response as you play with your fingers looking at your lap.

“but.” he states lifting your chin with his finger to make you look at him. “When the time is right. I will make it better than you have ever dreamed.”

You felt red cloud your face as he kissed your forehead. “i’m sorry. i let everything get in the way of what we had.” he apologized and you nod, exhaling.

“I hope you still mean it in the morning.”

He stares at you before biting his lower lip embarrassed. “Y/N. We can’t let Matt, Folio, or anyone know that this is happening.”

“but-“

“It will just complicate things.” he explains. “Especially with our NDA, I don’t know what could come from this with the tour still happening. Just for now okay?”

You felt dirty. Keeping the two of you a secret, especially after knowing how it would affect not only the status of the band but the relationship between the boys. Although considering how you feel about him and how he seems to feel about you……

Fuck it.

——-

To be continued ;)

[vanishxcanvas]

No More Lies

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Content Warning: Fluff, Angst.

Note: Part two here

You met Noah at a coffee shop. As well as knowing who he was, but you hid that. You acted like you’ve never seen him before.

See, you and Noah were now best friends. But you of course hid that part of your life from him. He was the closest thing to family you had, as they cut you off for the most part.

Noah was staying the night at your apartment currently. It was getting late, so you were about to head for bed.

“Alright, I’m getting tired. See you in the morning?” You say.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” He says, making you snort.

“You’re hilarious.” You comment.

“I know. But to answer your question, yes, you will see me in the morning.” He says.

“Good, good. Goodnight, Noah.” You say, before leaving the room.

That leaves him by himself. He got bored a bit after the movie ended, so he lurked around your apartment. Until he found a bad omens magazine by accident.

“What the fuck.” He says to himself.

He had debated on what to do, because it was obvious you knew who he was. But chose not to say anything.

When you wake up later, he was going to ask you about it. He just wanted you to be honest.

Later on, as you wake up, you stretch your limbs. You quite literally had some trouble sleeping last night, for some reason.

Once you get up, you walk into the kitchen. You see Noah asleep on the couch as you walk there.

A few moments later, you feel a presence behind you. It was Noah, him clearing his throat a few seconds later.

“Oh hi. How’d you sleep?” You ask.

“Decent. You?” He asks.

“Could’ve been better.” You reply.

“Sorry. I hate to be that guy, but I need to talk to you about something.” He says.

“Okay…what about?” You ask.

He throws the magazine on the table. This makes you raise an eyebrow.

“Care to explain why you acted like you didn’t know who I was when we met?” He acts, obviously annoyed.

“Noah, calm down. It’s just a magazine.” You mumble.

“Just answer the damn question.” He breathes out.

“Fine. You want an answer? I didn’t want to seem like I was talking to you for the hell of it, or for attention, anything like that. Unlike some people out there, I actually care about you. But if you want to stay mad at me, go ahead I guess.” You say, crossing your arms, and looking the other direction.

“You could’ve just been honest with me.” He says.

“Why? So I could make you weirded out?” You ask.

“I think it’s best I leave. I’ll text you when or if I’m in a better mood.” He says, starting to leave.

“Fine.” You say.

Once he leaves, you lock the door. Sliding down to the floor, you put your head in your hands. You didn’t know what you would do without him in your life. Fuck.

Noah ended up going days without talking to you after this. It broke you, of course. There were days where you just needed someone to talk to.

So when you came home on one of these days, you lay on your bed. Thinking about it all. You turn your head and see polaroids of you and Noah from your birthday last year.

When tears started running down your face, you didn’t even realize it. You just wanted things back to normal.