#i was also really REAAALLY high when this happened i think

[apollodalizard]

Have I ever told u guys about the time I (5'7 and 165 pounds) played VRchat with a charlie model and started freaking out bc I couldn't see my legs

[adhdtsukasa]

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

I don’t want to go off in the tags of that no fandom post so much but your bisexual PowerPoint Gansey tags. The idea of Gansey not comprehending bisexuality during the road trip SO funny to me because it implies either A) post-Pynch, Gansey just thought Adam realized he was always gay, something that really assuages Gansey’s guilt about “stealing Blue” (he is So Insane) or B) Gansey fully thinks being bi is just an Adam Thing. Because he’s Adam Parrish! Of course he’d have a special sexuality just for him. If anyone would, it would be Adam!

for anyone wondering these were the tags: https://www.tumblr.com/lesbianbluesey/753538524458991616?source=shareI think both are Highly possible and hilarious, but I’m going to go with the former because I do enjoy leaning into the ‘Gansey’s repressed controlled republican parents reaaally messed up his worldview’ aspect of everything he has going on, and because your right this would totallly be something he takes as “I don’t have to feel guilty about stealing (‘stealing’ because like. there was a lot more going onto that but in his head) my best friends girlfriend anymore!” *head in the clouds from crazy ex girlfriend starts playing in the background*. Now I’m thinking about him potentially telling Blue about Adam and Ronan (since we never really see her learn about them so I think there are several ways that could have happened but one of them is through Gansey) and him framing it as Adam came out to me as gay and in love with Ronan, well first off I think Blue would be way more surprised about the latter part of that than the former, and she would also have a lot of different feelings about this revelation.

 First of all I think it would be the opposite of Gansey where she starts to feel More guilty re: their break up and wonders if saying he should kiss Gansey was homophobic of her (it wasn’t it was extremely funny and cool of her, imo), she also feels really bad that her first normal-ish relationship with a boy was with someone using her (which isn’t Not true for their relationship in a way, just not in the way she’s thinking of) and feels extra annoyed with Adam for the Ninos argument (which she should because he was out of line in that scene imo, even though I also love that scene because it’s hysterical to me for reasons I’ve previously addressed and I love when Bluedam are cunts especially to each other) now that she thinks he was never actually into her. But she doesn’t want to be homophobic, so I feel like Blue tries to be a bit Overly Nice to Adam after this for the rest of the school year and it really unnerves/scares him, and then Gansey on the other hand allows himself to be more overtly cunty with Adam than he ever has before during that time period which Also weirds Adam out but he puts it down to him going through a lot what with dying and all. This would actually explain some things about the dynamic shifts between trc and td3 if this happened… 

To be clear Blue is coming at this from the opposite end of background effecting world view from Gansey; unlike Gansey who doesn’t know he’s bi or that bisexuality exists Blue doesn’t know She is bi but does know bisexuality and polyamory exist because she grew up surrounded by it, in fact I’ve said it before but I think the reason Blue isn’t aware she’s bi is… well one reason is she hasn’t had many close relationships with girls her age who aren’t in her family due to not having had many friends growing up since she was largely othered/bullied and then grew an armor/self-isolated (I actually have a tentative headcanon that in addition to her being bullied for being generally different in her youth some of that bullying had a homophobic bent to it because of the way she dresses and what the psychics are associated with and it being Henrietta.. it just seems right, so I think that would be an influence also) but also more importantly, Orla would have been out as bisexual since she was in high school and Blue is a Contrarian tm and Can Not have the same sexuality as Orla. Just on principle. She did feel jealous sometimes watching Orla go on dates with boys and girls but put that down to just general she-can-kiss-people-without-fear-of-murder-lips-and-I-can’t jealousy. Also I feel like Gansey might be able to grasp bi women more than bi men because of a) unfortunate tropes around that time b) the 300 fox way women c) Possibly Helen who I think could be sapphic but whether or not she’s sapphic definitely thinks Gansey is gay, this is textually canon, and definitely wants Gansey to be covert about it won’t go into this more / putting a pin in that for now. But anyway I think both Blue and Gansey would be more likely to consider the other being bi than themselves, is the thing I was getting at there. 

Anyway! I definitely think that after being told of Adam’s gayness Blue immediately understands that Adam was in love with Gansey based on all of the first two books when thinking back, Gansey on the other hand does not even consider the possibility of Adam ever being into him (at least not consciously, possibly deep DEEP down there’s some wondering but repression + plausible deniability + not wanting to seem arrogant (because I do think there’s a gray area sometimes between Gansey being oblivious about certain social situations vs him just being very used to compartmentalizing and prioritizing the quest) keep this out of conscious thought). So I think both Blue and Gansey need an outlet to talk through some of their Adam feelings but know the other can’t do that for them, which leads to (not to self plug but! This might be a scene that comes up in my ‘Reading TRB’ fic at some point… since I am playing with some intentional parallels between Sarchengsey and Bluedansey there, or at least that’s the intention in the mess of everything I have going on there) them separately gabbing to Henry about their feelings re: their situationship break ups, the shifting group dynamics with Pynch etc. and I think their accounts of the whole mess are Very different so Henry keeps getting more confused the more he listens to them, he doesn’t even know if one of them dated Adam or neither of them or both and it’s very frustrating but also intriguing for him he just wants to know everything (and he has some additional context from his Gansey stalking which should be … an interesting comparison point). 

Also when Gansey learns what bisexuality he immediately goes ‘I realized something about Adam!’ Henry, simultaneously expecting this and also wary: what about him? Gansey: He only told me that he loved Ronan he didn’t tell me he never liked Blue, Adam must be bisexual that means he must have been in love with Blue because who wouldn’t be that means I’m a horrible awful person and don’t deserve to live 😭😭 Henry, under his breath: goddamnit I can’t believe I’ve been trying to fuck you Gansey: what?? Henry: __ 

this was a fun thank you!

tagging a couple other blogs who I hope will enjoy my insane spiral, at least a lil: @immaterial-pearl @crimeronan

[kruven]

— his anniversary gift is different than you expected (or you and isagi have your first kiss, ah yes but no tongue)

A/N: 10/10 bf would want one

Isagi Yoichi didn't had any potential partners before. All he had were one sided crush on the popular girls in his class over middle school and the first year of high school.

(He is not that popular himself so he assumed he never had a chance so he never really tried)

He never got Valentines chocolates anyway. (Well his mother counts?)

No partners and no experience.

His friends joked about how 'if he would not get a first kiss or just hold hands romantically with someone, he will die all alone with no one.'

(He knows it's just a joke, but a small part of him believed that could be true)

So he was never sure what to get his (now) partner for the first anniversary as a gift.

(He could always borrow his friend's motorcycle to take for a drive but he is not good so — scratch that! No way! Not happening!)

And the fact that he forgot about it until you texted him at 11:28 at night, did nothing to help.

Honestly, he felt pretty terrible that he forgot about the anniversary. (After all he is someone who always does something for his parent's anniversaries)

Was he developing memory loss? After tripping and falling on his head when his teammate accidentally bumped into him??

(He remembers that you were laughing at him, because the bandage was right in the middle of his forehead)

He knows that first anniversaries are very important as a milestone in a relationship. He has seen his friends talking about it.

(Somwhow the conversations which involved relationships always circled back to how Isagi still didn't had one relationship)

Isagi Yoichi hit a wall.

He has no idea what to do tomorrow.

He could always ask for advice from his friends and this time he would. (After them making fun of him again for forgetting such a important day)

One of his friends say; get 12 roses symbolizing 12 months of a year.

The other one says; just give food. Like pizza.

And someone suggests; why don't you two have sex? You won't be a virgin then Isagi.

(Of course the third one was ruled out by him. And the second one is on his maybe 'date' list)

He likes the option A pretty good. Roses symbolize love after all.

So he does go with Plan: Roses. (A name his friend gave)

He is on your door, albeit nervous and a little bit sweaty. (he blames it on the blaring sun)

Isagi Yoichi wishes to be swallowed whole by the ground right now.

Instead of greeting you he, a bundle of nerves of right now, shoved the bouquet in your face.

Isagi Yoichi is really lame and embarrassing.

(Some petals went into your mouth as you were going to say hi to him so yes that was not good)

After that, you seemed to like those flowers (even after his little accidental murder attempt (exaggeration)) so he too was relaxed.

He was too caught up in thinking about what to do tomorrow for the anniversary so he completely forgot that you were also giving him a gift.

(His face looked like a fish that time)

He looked too nervous and panicky so you thought that you both should go to a park for a walk and get some ice cream.

After all, Isagi Yoichi loves to walk.

Today, the park was quiet and without the usual laughter of kids that you both were accustomed to.

(There was a couple there that kissed each other, yes that got you both embarrassed and a little thankful that the kids weren't there)

"Hey, there's ice cream on the corner of your lips."

Isagi says that with much sincerity and you try to get it off. But unable to do so.

But the way he is trying to stop himself from laughing tells you that there was nothing and it was a prank.

Isagi Yoichi has a boyish charm that is somwhow also lame.

"Say, what would you have done if I really had something on the corner of my lips huh?"

You did say it in a teasing manner but it somehow went past him. (Or over his head)

"I mean? Tell you? Or maybe use a tissue?"

It reaaally went over his head.

"What if that's not what I want?"

He can never miss this now, can he?

And he didn't. A bit late but he got it.

"Hey Yoichi, can you kiss me?"

His eyes visibly went big and a face like a shocked dog.

"I mean! If it's ok! I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable with me or something! And anyways this is our first anniversary so we can go slow as we want! —"

"Hey. I don't mind. Actually I did want to. I just didn't expect you to say it like that..."

Isagi Yoichi has a weird feeling in his stomach. It feels nice.

And Isagi leans to you, you both go in.

Bumping foreheads and noses.

"Let's tilt heads, yeah?"

You and him, both tilt heads at the same time. (And in the same one direction (pun intended))

"I'll do it.."

Isagi can feel his heart doing somersaults.

This time, lips connect and just as fast they connected, they pulled apart.

How anticlimactic. You did not expect your first kiss to be like that but you also did not expect the way your heart would beat.

Isagi Yoichi gives great gifts.

[leadingrebel]

fic asks

Thank you @whenshesayshush and @queen-of-the-wallflowers15 for tagging me, this was fun!

·

How many works do you have on ao3? 32

What’s your total ao3 word count? 75,727

What fandoms do you write for? Fate: the Winx Saga mostly, these years. Sometimes there's a little drabble for another fandom that I have to get out of my chest, too.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Of vodka and musicals

A Convenient Relapse

A Blade's Glint

Not the First Time

A lost cause

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do! I can't imagine leaving someone without a response because the notion that someone out there enjoys something I created still makes my head dizzy, so it's my way of appreciating every time it happens. An AO3 email with a comment makes my day turn completely around so I like to give back that feeling.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Two Tears

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I think High and Tangible. I'm realising I don't really have many objectively happy endings, huh.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really. There was one time when someone really didn't like my writing/english, tho.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I didn't think I would ever write smut until one year ago, tbh. I think Fate's KinkMeme this year helped me a lot with my apprehension. I like to write smut that has intention behind the movements and actions, making the smut tell a story, I believe.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I've never really been interested in writing any, I think.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I've had fics posted on other sites/languages without mentioning me, so kind of.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, with and without permission (but we don't want to talk about the disrespecting ones). Fate fandom aside, my first translated works left me with a nice feeling because they were also works for very tiny fandoms, so I was very surprised that someone from that small group wanted to put in the effort for a work of mine.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not really! I've only fooled around with ideas being an writer-artist kind of pair on some ocasion. Although, hey, one day @skloomdumpster and I pretty much wrote a wholeass Skyriv fic via Discord chat so I'm saying that qualifies, yeah.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? Very difficult to say! I don't think I have like a supreme otp, but the answer feels like Captain Swan or Bellarke? I think it's because of how long and how deep they stayed with me in a moment of my life where I was kind of discovering myself through/with them.

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I don't really have any WIP I think I'll never finish. I have a lot of them but I still plan on writing them and I've not lost interest in any of the ideas. I'm just reaaally slow with them because life right now is chaos. But I never publish anything I don't have finished or has a possibility of abandonment so you're all safe from that.

What are your writing strengths? I like to think I find common ground for characters to interact in an interesting manner? I like to keep things in character so I really try to capture the voices of the characters in canon. I hope that's something I achieve, anyway. I also think I do an okay job of showing subtleties to the reader and not spelling everything for them, though I'm not sure if that's more something I like than something I'm good at haha

What are your writing weaknesses? Most probably language, if we're talking about AO3 stuff. Outside of that, I struggle with rhythm and descriptions of mundane/mechanical actions. I often throw it around inside my head for a a long, long time until I find a way of writing it without it reading like a grocery list or just, give up and move on. I also think sometimes I get too deep into the internal side of characters and make it difficult to go back to the external narration again without making the reader feel lost.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? All for it. I love seeing different languages from characters/environments and it makes me as a reader feel a deeper inmersion, even if it's not entirely accurate for a language I understand. For me, people respectfully trying is enough, they can get better later. But as a writer you have to be careful about a language you don't understand because a weird/wrong sentence will definitely kick a native out of your story for a moment there. So triple check everything, don't trust online translators too much, and ideally run it through a native/fluent person. You can also ask for feedback from readers who understand!

First fandom you wrote for? I think Final Fantasy VII or maybe some Spanish comics from my teenage years, not sure which was first. Published on AO3, it was OUAT, though.

Favorite fic you’ve written? I don't know if I have a favourite fic... but I can't help but think of how much I enjoyed writing At the Bottom of a Stream and I'm proud of it, so even if it's the most recent one I'm gonna say that!

No idea who's been tagged or who's done it already so I'm going in blind with this, sorry! Tagging @skloomdumpster @fitztragedy and @partiallypearl if you guys feel like it 🤍

[shisica]

saw the first slam dunk!!!!!!!!!!!!

they really went all in on giving ryukawa such beautiful eyelashes. this was my only thought every time he was on screen

i'm so glad i got caught up to v24 but no further, having all the buildup but not knowing what was going to happen was great!!!

i did not know this was gonna be miyagi's movie!!! reading online posts now ig it's movie original, i was wondering whether it was from the manga or not (since we've only rly gotten tiny snippets of backstory - like that tiny devastating scene with sakuragi's father, but i can't recall anything else).

ig thinking of other sports manga/anime i've read/watched the backstory is usually very related to the sport so it's not that slam dunk is unusual in that regard. i've only really read hq (in terms of sports manga and in last few years) and it feels like in comparison slam dunk is reaaally focused on the sport and matches, i feel like i know more abt the haikyu characters outside of their games

i wasn't sure about the animation from the trailer but it looked incredible actually and REALLY captures takehiko inoue's style in a 3d action way? what's always cool about animation also is that it's also easier for me, a very non sports person, to grasp what is happening lol

the music during the intense bits was SOO GOOOD i listened to some of the tracks on the subway ride home... SO GOOOOD so hypeeee I LOVE

that said i do feel like the flashback/match interleaving was almost too much by the end? like in the start it really helped you get absorbed into the characters but in the last 30min or so i was like pls i just want to see the match

the last 10min of the march (in anime game time) were SOOO INTENSE i had no idea what was gonna happen!!!!!

one thing i do not enjoy as is the fighting through injury themes in slam dunk... again i'm not a sports person but it just upsets me to think of characters possibly getting permanently injured or smthn due to powering through an injury during a match. idt this would happen in manga but my anxiety decrees that i worry about it. so.

wait sakuragi va is that purple ossan from vrains??? wild

and couch sounded familiar bc he also did ben from taibani it's all comin' together...

i can't believe they animated sakuragi harrassing couch wit pulling his face and all that 💀

i loved the funny bits also, sakuragi is always such a riot 😭 i love my boiiiiii

and i'm grateful there was some tiny vol1-24 flashbacks so we could see them in the movie animation style!!!

SAKURAGI AND RYUKAWA HIGH FIVE AW YEAAAAAH

miyagi and mitsui... i kinda ship it? yeah ik he has a crush on ayako but man has two hands

what else what else... oh i also found it a bit lame when the crowd suddenly starts cheering for the underdog in the last 5min. it just doesn't read as realistic to me? but again, i am not a Sportsman like mr. sakuragi over here (:p) so that's not coming from any actual sports understanding, just how the story conveyed it

very glad i stuffed one of my plushies into my bag so i could torment it during my viewing; my rollcake plush endured much punching and smooshing during intense match moments, thank you for your service

one more honourable mention for ryukawa's eyelashes. they did that For Me and i really appreciate it

[simpingforthisonedeer]

ERIKAAAAA HIII

So Ellie actually did burn them out of existence physically and metaphysically to the point where everyone instantly forgot that they existed.

Gods and Devils not having a grimoire is a parallel hehehe I’m glad you noticed🤭

Ellie is going to a sanctuary where Aika studied divinity! And it’s a High Priest and he actually already made an appearance in Aika’s nightmares! He’s the one who told her he lied about her salvation.

And yeah Evan is…he’s going through it. You’ll see what happens to him either the next chapter or the chapter after that🤔😈

So Fuegoleon can actually follow most of that chaotic discussion! Him and Arthur are actually acquainted! Arthur didn’t get to greet him bc poor guy has a lot going on but you’ll see them interact soon enough.

Marx can also somewhat follow the discussion because he knows of Arthur from his older brother Karl Francois who was briefly mentioned.

AGH I wanna keep it a mystery until it’s revealed but it’s okay I think it’s kinda obvious. No, she did not foil Lucius’s plans intentionally. But her whole Berserk stunt was a set up for something else🥰 I welcome you to take a guess😈 we are kinda approaching the resolution of Aika’s lifelong dreams and goals but the story won’t end there because we obviously have rest of black clover to cover🥰

“Oh my gosh! LUCIUS WHAT?!”

Idk what in particular you’re talking abt but I’m assuming it’s his attempted murder? Honestly he wasn’t sure either whether he was trying to kill Julius or repossess him but he was pissed off and only loses control when it comes to Julius.

Yesss forbidden magic and going crazy often looks alike. Maybe that’s part of the reason why Julius finds Aika attractive. Everyone is enticed by what they’re familiar with, the good and the bad.

I mean the three of them, Ellie, Evan and Jayce stick together sm. Fun fact they all sleep in the same bed💀 sparks are bound to fly and Jayce was really sad that Evan won’t be able to love again so take what you will from that🤭

Yeah poor Julius 😭. The timeline speeds up next chapter for sure but that day is prolly one of the worst days in his life. Really reaaally stressful

Yes Marx deserves his moment to shine!! He’ll get more small yet impactful scenes throughout the story bc he’s content to stand in the sidelines but I’m going to make sure he’s never forgotten or unappreciated💕💕

It’s going to be soooo funny when Yami and William present their insignias. 10 yul on Jien losing his shit and another 10 on Fuego pouring himself a whiskey as soon as he sees them.

Oh and Aika’s berserk mode is still on yes! You’ll see why she asked for the snowy mountains. These are not the snowy mountains in the Four Suits continent. Aika and Ellie had an off-camera discussion but you’ll read all about it in the next chapter dw😈

Yesss I debated sticking to canon or not and I’ve realized that I played safe for too long and that I need to up the ante 😈 I’m gonna go off book but the characters will be in a way that makes sense as the timeline changes. For example, I’ve hinted at this already in tumbly posts but Yuno will be gone and Noelle and Asta will have a rivalry because I noticed that Tabata wants to have a minor enemies/frenemies to lovers thing with Asta and Noelle but I want to do their love story a bit more justice by giving them growth and history.

Hehe but yeah thank you sm for your review Erika!! I always enjoy your commentary and support🥰💕💕

Chapter 15: Mercy, Mercy

Summary:  Aika and Evan are gone for an indefinite period so the story turns to Julius. A ghost from the past and painful memories for the failed protagonist and a new chapter in his life.

Notes: 

- Manga and Movie Spoilers from here on out! - 5k words - We’re going to touch more on Ellie’s power later but you do get to see some of it here. - Relationships are really important in this fic. Not only Aika and Julius’s but the other characters’ relationship to them and others as well. - Read endnotes for more info and commentary

Tagging: @t-f-t @funky-sea-cryptid @loosesodamarble @lyranova @thoughtfullyrainynightmare

Keep reading

[dapandapod]

I can explain pt 5

Hello gang! Here’s part five!! Thank you @kuripon for beta reading, lovely you, and thank you anon for prompting me! This part has a bit different format, also for the observant one, there is a BONUS CHAPTER, because some things happens that needs more space........ :)

Warnings:  drunk jaskier, like drunk drunk, that would be it, I think!

Enjoy <3

On Ao3   ONE   TWO   THREE    FOUR        BONUS      +1  

FIVE

“I can explain.”

“We really don’t want you to.”

“But look, just look. It is very simple.”

“Jaskier please.”

“His eyes get this kind of cat shape, right? Like, his pupil gets thiiiiis thin? Thin as a needle? Thin as the leg of a butterfly? Thin as--”

“--Alright, I’m getting another drink. Anyone else want one?”

“Rude!”

“Yeah, could you get me some more wine, Zoltan? You’re a real sweetheart.”

“One for me too, please.”

“You got it.”

“I can’t believe you are ignoring me! This is important stuff!”

“Jaskier, you have told us this three times already.”

“Alright, maybe, but look. His eyes are only thin when it is super bright, or like, he needs super focus! Did you know he can do that at will?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.. Oh really? Well, anyway, yes, Priss, listen to me, Priss! Do you know how sexy he looks when he does that?!”

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

“No, but he is so sexy when he does that. But do you know what is even better?”

“When his pupils dilate and he looks at you with the biggest kitty eyes?”

“When his pu-... Yes! Exactly! And Priss, Priss, can I tell you a secret?”

“Oh here we go.”

“Shut up Shani, I need something new to blackmail him with. Go right ahead, Jaskier dear.”

“Priss, Priss, look. I kissed him.”

“You what?” 

“I kissed him. But shhhh, we are pretending it didn’t happen. Or he is, at least. It was only to get some fool not to harass me, but Priss, Priss. He caressed my thighs. My lower back. And his hands are so big, Priss, you don’t even know!”

“I do.”

“Shut up Shani, I want to hear this!”

“Two red wines for the ladies! What did I miss?”

“Jaskier kissed Geralt.”

“SSSHHHH!”

“Oh, finally!”

“Look, I can explain. It wasn’t... It wasn’t a real kiss…….”

“But he touched your thighs?”

“I know. But it was only a kiss for cover. He wouldn’t want to kiss me like that. Not like he would kiss Yennefer or Shani.”

“But you said his eyes were dilated? And he pulled you close?”

“Yes! And yes! And my heart is aching and tearing, and I am just a mess, Shani, I’m a right mess.”

“We know.” 

“Shut up, Shani.”

“I only wish he would kiss me like I want to kiss him. Oh, I could write a million poems about the shape of his cupid's bow. And when he looks at me with those eyes, I have never seen him use those eyes on anyone else. Except that one time he was reaaally high and talked to Roach. But that doesn’t count. But Priss, I just want him to…. I don’t know. I just want.”

“Hello Geralt! Perfect timing! Your bard is really drunk!”

“He doesn’t want me to be his bard, Zoltan. I wish he would.”

“Geralt, please. Please take him off our hands.”

“And please pay his tab.”

“Yeah, he has been drinking his fair share.”

“Fuck…”

“Yeah, that too, if you would? I think he would appreciate it.”

“Shani!”

“It’s true!”

“Are you talking about me as if I’m not here? I am very much here, thank you very much!”

“Yes, darling, we know, and now you should go with Geralt! He would like to tell you something.”

“Oh, Geralt, hello my dearest friend!”

“Hmm.”

“Yes, ‘hmm’ on you too, what did you want to tell me?”

“Come on, bard.”

“Yes, go with him, Jaskier. And don’t forget to have a glass of water before bed.”

“I very much will not, Priss, who do you think I am? Pfft, water. I need WINE!”

“Come on, Jaskier. We have some wine in our room.”

“You are a right dear. See, Priss? He gets me. Geralt understands me. This is why I love him. LOVE him, I tell you.”

“Geralt, you ok there buddy? Lookin’ a little constipated.”

“Hmm. Jasker, come on.”

“Yes, my love. Anything for you.”

“Oh dear, I will keep this against him forever.”

~

“I am dead.”

“No you’re not.”

“Silence, Geralt, you don’t know anything. I have passed on to the afterlife, I am no longer on this plane of existence that is nothing but pain.”

“I tried to give you water.”

“I know. Traitor.”

“And you told me you love me.”

“Ah…….. I can explain…….”

[prose-for-hire]

Clueless

Pairing: Angel x reader

Request: As I said, Spike will always be my favorite, but every now and then you gotta mix it up. 😅 So here comes my Angel request! 😀 The scoobies find out he has a human girlfriend. And when they meet you they get the impression that you have no idea of the supernatural. So they try to subtly prod if you're aware of what Angel is. You on the other hand are enjoying to play with them. Pretending to be clueless as hell even though you're well aware. 😂 Thank you Darling! 💞

Requested by: @kind-wolf​

A/N: I really enjoyed this one !! Reader is older than the Scoobies and works in the school library. The timescale is reaaally made up. Giles left to open the Magic Box while the Scoobies are still in high school.

[Also i know the gif has nothing to do with anything but it makes me giggle every time so I had to use it !!]

You were the new School librarian. Giles had left to open the Magic Box but still always managed to be in your library when you turned around. The excuse at the moment was that his personal collection had been left behind, but you new there was something more going on. You had a boyfriend that told you of the real side of Sunnydale.

His name was Angel. You had met him after dark, a shining ember amongst all of the despair. He was kind to you and you had kept running into each other until he decided it must be fate. So he asked you on a date. It was the Bronze and you both stuck out like a sore thumb – him for his dark clothing and because you were both slightly older than the regular clientele. You and Angel had been going steady for a while now. He was heavy into courting and doing everything properly. He wanted to keep you happy and ensure you felt safe with him at all times.

He called you his sunshine. You were the one thing that made his un-life worth living. The brightness in the centuries of black. The fiery flame of passion that could never be put out. You were his light. A kind of salvation he didn’t know he needed. All of his guilt. The doubt. The brooding about whether he was enough for you, for the world. For any of it. You filled in these cracks with light. With love and the most important thing: hope.

He knew that he needed to limit the amount of people that knew about you together to a minimum. You hadn’t understood why at first, but one evening when you had been wrapped around each other in bed, he confided in you. His relationships were not destined to last. Literally. He told you everything, almost reducing the both of you to an emotional mess. You laid there, underneath the sheets as you both recounted the worst moments of your lives. The secrets, the fears. Everything.

“Are you embarrassed about dating a human? Is it frowned upon in vampire… culture?” You asked, half embarrassed and half fascinated. He shook his head as you were still speaking, clasping a hand to yours and brought it to his unbeating heart.

“I, uh, just want this for us. You’re too special to me, y/n. I don’t want anyone else to ruin it. I love you more than you can imagine”

“You love me?” You ask, eyes shining with emotion. He nodded, pulling you into him as you told him how much you loved him back. Your voice muffled as you rested in the crook of his neck. He held you to him so delicately as if he was scared that you would break. That if he didn’t hold tight enough, you would disappear into nothing.

The Scoobies had caught glimpses of you around school and sometimes after school when you popped into the magic Box to ask to speak with Giles. Just to ask for tips on your new job in the library (and to check if he had stolen any of the dusty occult books you had started to lock away in case he was snooping again). You didn’t really know the Scoobies, you just recognised their faces from around school and now obviously you had heard the lowdown from Angel. But you weren’t so familiar that you could tell which one the slayer was if you were asked to pick her out of a line up.

One afternoon after you called your goodbyes to Giles and nodded at the teenagers on your way out of the store, talk quickly turned to you. Anya, Xander, Willow, Buffy and Cordelia were all whispering before the door had even closed properly behind you. The Scoobies loved to gossip. And each of them had their own titbit of information that they had heard from someone who had heard from someone else about you. Even Giles had become involved in the discussion as he had started to become aware you were making his life difficult and

“I heard they mastered kung-fu judo which is the most lethal form of martial arts”

“Apparently they were fired from their last school for literally throwing students out for talking too loud in the library”

“Well, they’re apparently an undercover agent planted by the CIA to monitor the supernatural”

“I heard that one – but they’re FBI, not CIA”

The piece of information they found most interesting was that you were human. Despite being the coolest librarian like, ever. Most of the librarians the student body had come across were positively fossils, most recent librarians not included. Suspected kung fu martial arts hybrid training aside, you didn’t have any supernatural powers to speak of. As far as anyone was aware. So, this became the most interesting thing about you, until Cordelia told all.

“They’re totally sleeping with Angel!” Cordelia said, as everyone looked extremely interested in this news, “I saw him open a door for them as if they were in some period drama! Way over the top but their eyes said everything! They’re having sex”

“You can’t tell that from a look”

“You can!” Anya insisted as Cordelia nodded along.

“Yeah, I can tell from hot librarian and the salty goodness that is Angel” Cordelia replied matter-of-factly.

“Do you think they know he’s-” Xander mimed fangs and held his hands up to imitate a vampire, “They can’t know. Why would anyone want to do that with Angel?” Xander insisted as the women of the room, and Giles, stayed silent. He looked around looking for some support for his statement but got nothing.

But now the fact was, they were concerned that Angel hadn’t told you about himself. The vampirism. The soul. The curse. So, the meddling kids decided it was their duty to make sure that they were acquainted with you and made sure you knew who Angel really was. Which was exactly what Angel presumed was going to happen. They were convinced that they were worried about how clueless you obviously were, but also it was their duty is seemed to get involved in other people’s personal lives.

This had been the plan, but it appeared that you were a very busy. You never stayed long hours after the school day ended like Giles used to. Nobody could follow you home because you always sped off in a shiny car. Plus, you often wore headphones in the corridors so you didn’t have to talk to the students.

It had been a while after their plans to befriend you and they had almost given up seeing you in your private time. They wanted to make sure the rumours weren’t true. That Angel wasn’t taking advantage of some clueless human.

Unfortunately, the whole gang stumble into you both while they’re on patrol. On date night. their eyes widen, it looks so normal. You’re both sat in the restaurant in the window seat and they all just stopped and very obviously stared. As if you were zoo animals. They noticed that Angel had ordered human food and had been moving it around the plate a little for appearances. This confirmed it. they decided they needed to save you. Who knew what horrible bad luck would befall you if you kept dating a vampire. 

Angel looked a little embarrassed when he sensed being watched and looked up to see none other than the people he had wanted to keep this from. Buffy had scowled at him, shaking her head. She wasn’t impressed that he would do this. Especially if you didn’t know – it wasn’t fair she decided. You noticed his look but didn’t comment until the group had walked past with their wooden stakes badly concealed under their jackets.

After your meal, you walk back together (he always insists on walking you to your car) and you softly ask why he was embarrassed. You wondered if it was because you were a librarian. You tell him you know people don’t think it’s a great job, but you really enjoy it.

“They just don’t think us being together is a great idea” He said and you nodded along. You understood. There was a history there. The Slayer obviously is the only one that makes and breaks the rules.

“Well lets introduce them to me properly?” You offer, trying to soothe him. Reduce the fretting. He had wanted just one thing. One good thing that was yours and his. “I know they’ve been trying to talk to me all week. I’ll make some lemonade and you can invite them over” You offer. He nodded, curling an arm around you as you walk together both in thought.

It had been a week and the day was finally here. You were meeting the... friends? Weird kind-of family? Annoying brats that were always under both of your feet? 

Angel had gone out to pick up some blood from the butchers before it closed now that the sun was down. This left you hosting solo for the moment. You showed them to Angel’s living room and started to offer them lemonade and snacks. They start dropping hints instantly to try and gauge whether you know about Slayers or vampires. For some reason, you decide to play dumb.

“Have you, uh, ever seen Angel’s teeth up close?” Willow asked, barely above a whisper.

“Yes, we do kiss if that’s what you’re asking sweetie. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll have your first kiss soon” You smiled at her mock-sympathetically as you turned to the rest of the room.

“What about, ah, those specialist books I told you about, y/n? Have you read them as of late?” Giles questioned, his hint much craftier than the younger members of the group. The books had been vampire history and very specifically passages were highlighted about Angels past.

“Oh yes, Angel said he would give me the overview - he’s read them before” You smile as Giles shook his head and started to clean his glasses. This wasn’t a lie, Angel had told you instead of reading through that book he would tell you anything that yo uwanted to ask. Every gruesome detail if that was what you needed. But you had told him you cared for the person you knew now instead. “Isn’t he just the perfect man?” You continue, smiling dreamily (which if you’re honest isn’t even an act). 

“Man isn’t the word I’d use” Xander muttered and Buffy had to elbow him to make him be quiet. You frowned, but they didn’t realise that you had caught onto what they were doing. Angel entered and the room quietened. He nodded at everyone but came straight to sit beside you.

You sat comfortably, leaning against Angel as chatter started to warm up a little again. After a while, there was a bit of doubt from some in the room whether meddling was the right thing to do or not. You appeared friendly and you definitely cared about Angel. And he definitely cared for you. His eye was always on you and he had kissed your forehead more than once when he thought the others were wrapped up in conversation.

“Do you like Halloween? What about vam-” Cordelia was cut off as she yelped and scowled as someone had stepped on her toes to get her to be quiet. Especially after he had already said something himself that could have made things obvious. You and Angel shared a look and then a shrug as conversation started up again.

You excused yourself to make more lemonade after three more not-so-subtle-hints about your man’s true identity and Angel followed you. Meanwhile, they were whispering about how clueless you appeared and how familiar you both were in front of them – as if you were going to hide that you were in a committed relationship. You knew this as Angel was telling you everything that they said, between light kisses he was pressing against your neck. From your position pressed between his body and the kitchen counter you were grinning as you rested a hand against his side and used the other to lock your hand with his. He hummed softly, only able to get through this strange indirect interrogation was that he knew he always had you.

When you returned and offered everyone refills, one of them asked while you were pouring, “Does, uh, Angel like garlic bread?”

“You might have to ask him on that one, we’re still getting to know each other” you smile sweetly before catching Angel’s eye. He raised his eyes at you but didn’t say anything to ruin the fun. In fact, he had a glint in his eye too. This was the reason he loved you, you turned even a potentially serious situation with the Slayer into something that you could make fun.

 “Uh, have you ever seen Angel in the light?” the questioning continued.

“Have you seen his face? He’s beautiful in any lighting” You smiled sweetly, looking over at him again. He shook his head at you and you knew he’d be blushing if he had any circulation.

“Yeah but- in the daylight?”

“No, he has a sun allergy, isn’t that right sweetie?” You smiled around the room at their horrified faces. They knew it! They knew Angel had been lying, they just needed to find a way to break the news to you. Or warn him away from you.

When asked about his (and your) sleeping habits, you replied, “Some nights he’s dead to the world” You smile, “He sleeps really deep, sometimes I have to check on him – it looks like he isn’t breathing” You have to stifle a laugh at this one as Angel snorts out loud. It was awkwardly covered by a cough and he had to leave the room to hide his laughter.

He was happy with you, the only sunshine he wasn’t allergic to apparently. He was so happy in this relationship he was often worried that Angelus was only around the corner. You caught him stuck in his head, worrying about the what-ifs but you always offered your comfort any way you could. He was glad of you being there for him. Willow and Giles had been talking of working on a way to lift the curse, or at least make it so that it wasn’t so simple for him to change back into Angelus. That was the last thing any of them needed.

The evening started to darken further and conversation had started to lull. You were trying to think of a way to politely hint yourself that maybe it was time for them to go (your hints a lot more subtle and well-practiced than theirs). But before you had chance to open your mouth, you were interrupted, “Demons. Thoughts?” Anya asked bluntly. Nobody cut in this time, they wanted to hear your response now they suspected Angel was lying.

“The ones that creep in late at night when you’re trying to sleep? I try and just ignore them, or get a book to read if I really can’t sleep” You say smiling as you knew Angel had heard that one too when some plates clattered in the other room. You knew him inside out and, although rare, when something like this tickled him it really made him smile. You just wished he had been in the room so you could see his expression. His face lightened when he smiled and you told him all the time his smile was your favourite feature of his. He would also probably be shaking his head at you, trying to discourage you from getting into too much trouble with them.

Angel returned to the room and you couldn’t help yourself. You stood up and instantly closed the space between you. You looped your arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips. It was only a lingering peck, nothing too scandalous as these were students at your job. You always missed him when he wasn’t close by. You felt like a lovestruck teenager when he was around and admittedly, so did he. Giles saw the way you both looked at each other. Moved around each other, anticipating  and saw how real it was. It was the same he had with Jenny. He couldn’t let the rest of the group ruin this kind of love. It was rare and he wouldn’t wish it on anyone to lose it (not even the man with the face that tore his from him).

Giles shook his head as Buffy was about to shout something to break you both apart. Something about demons and vampires. About Angel and evil. His apparent lying. To try and warn you. She closed her mouth, rolling her eyes.

 “We need to go patrol- uh, not patrolling, just – walking. At night” She muttered instead, taking her jacket and giving Angel a hard stare.

“Make sure you watch out for vampires. There’s a couple extra stakes in the weapon’s closet if you’d like to take them” You smile sweetly, “You can never be too careful, some bite” you teased before kissing Angel on the cheek and reluctantly moving from his arms which were loosely looped around your waist still. You started walking over to clear the coffee table from the glasses everyone had used when they visited. Leaving the others wide-eyed and eventually laughing at the way you had kept up the pretence so well.

[sunqyu]

~ Treasure getting jealous.

Request 1: “  Hi I love your stuff especially your longer stuff don’t put a limit on your writing bb you an amazing writer with a lot of talent♥️ I was wondering if I could request what they look like when their jealous kinda like your one when their s/o is jealous you don’t have to but yeah know it would be cool if you did😂 “ - anon

Request 2: “  I read your treasure reacting to the s/o getting jealous and I absolutely love it, so I was wondering if you can do treasure getting jealous. “ - anon

I was hoping this would be requested so thanks, you two! Hope you like it. STREAM MMM. - Nova

Hyunsuk

it would take quite a bit to get him jealous

or at least to get him to the point of showing it

he often gets slightly jealous but it’s only for a few seconds

he seems like a very mindful person

so he’d catch himself being unreasonable pretty quickly

but when he does get so jealous he can’t hide it anymore it would be baaad

he doesn’t say it but you’d notice

the ‘No- seriously nothing’s wrong.’-type of situation

give him time to figure his feelings out first

it’s not like he doesn’t want to say it because he’s mad

it’s because he doesn’t want to say anything he’ll regret

so he takes his time to feel what he needs to feel before adressing it

‘Sometimes the idea of me losing you just gets a little too real.’

Jihoon

tries to work his way around saying it

in more of a teasing way

basically hiding the true reason behind his humor

‘Ah ofcourse, that random guy is just as deserving of your love as I am. I mean, I’ve pretty much had my share today, haven’t I?’

followed by a chuckle that’s a little les vibrant than usual

and a look in his eyes that’s searching for validation

clearly watching your reaction instead of just goofing around

it’s actually a pretty great way to let you know, especially when you’ve been together for a while and can read each others’ emotions well

it keeps it lighthearted while still being clear

if you don’t catch up on the hidden meaning he’d just amp it up a notch

‘It’s not like I’m the one who’s your boyfriend.’ he’d scoff, raising an eyebrow at you

Yoshi

oh no

noooo

poor bby

he would be all in his head

‘Maybe I said something wrong today?’

‘She’s so nice to everyone, it’s probably nothing.’

‘That guy doesn’t know that though.’

so many thoughts just racing by

‘Should I do something?’

‘No- no, I don’t want her to feel like I don’t trust her.’

‘Definitely don’t trust him though.’

‘Wait- that’s rude I don’t even know him. He could be really cool.’

‘Oh no- what if he’s really cool?’

he wouldn’t even notice how long he had been staring at nothing

until your beaming smile shows up in front of him

doesn’t say anything right away

later on it’s just you two walking outside

‘So uh- that guy you were talking to a few hours ago. He seemed pretty cool. Was he cool?’

Junkyu

grumbles by himself from a distance

hands tucked in the pockets of his sweater as he’s sitting on a table

slight pout but more of an annoyed one than a sad one

mumbles to himself under his breath

‘Not faaair-’ 

and a few other things that are barely words

you had spend the entire day together and we’re getting drinks at a café

when you walked up to the counter to get your order you were stopped by an old friend who wanted to catch up

it had been less than 3 minutes but to Junkyu it felt like an eternity

when he saw you wanted to walk back to him but the guy started talking about another topic to keep the conversation going he had enough

he wobbled up to the both of you, hands still in his sweater

‘Ohhh- hellooo’ his voice surprisingly high pitched, head tilted to the side

he hadn’t planned further ahead than this

after a moment of silence where he and the guy just looked at each other awkwardly you’d introduce him as your boyfriend, confused why he didn’t do so himself

when you were sat back at your table he’d have to explain

‘My coffee was getting cold.’

you gave him a look

‘Cold from that guy’s personality.’ he mumbled against the edge of his mug

only smiling again when he heard you giggle at his comment

Mashiho

waits for a bit to observe

focusing more on the guy than on you

watching his expression and body language

only to decide ‘Nope- no, not happening.’

without a second of hesitation he’d walk up

swinging his arm around your shoulder

‘Hi- I’m Mashiho.’

he’d stay really polite, actually listening to the other introduce himself

no one else would notice his jealousy, but you did

from the way he was standing

a little bit taller than usual, chin up high

and the way he spoke

extra clear and in a low tone

but his pitch went up near the ends of his sentences

and the way he held you

firmly instead of rubbing your shoulder like he usually did

just the conversation would ease Mashiho’s jealousy

instead of reacting grumpy he would treat the guy with respect, hoping for respect in return

he’d mention it later on, but wouldn’t make a big deal out of it

‘I just didn’t like the way he looked at you at first, but aside from that he seems like an okay guy.‘

Jaehyuk

‘Aigoooo-’ x7394

would try to do something similar to Mashiho

emphasis on try

hypes himself up a bit before

hands in fists, tapping his knees a few times before he stand up

his deep breaths would get a little more shallow with each step

the plan was to introduce himself as your boyfriend and then see what the other guy had to say

instead

‘Uh- sweetheart, can I talk to you for a second?’

he’d give him a quick smile

intertwining your fingers with his as you two walked away

wouldn’t talk again until you’re out of hearing-distance

‘I love you- let’s go get food.’

you asked him why he interrupted your conversation, not taking this comment as a good reason

‘I just- I- well..’

deep breath when he notices how shallow they’d actually gotten

‘Seeing you with him made me feel sad for some reason.’

half a smile on his face to try and make it seem like no big deal

‘I’m probably just hungry.’ again, trying to make it seem like nothing

you’d have to push a bit for him to explain it all

it wouldn’t take much to reassure him there’s nothing to worry about

Asahi

ngl, I’m not sure if Asahi would be the jealous type

it reaaally depends on your personality

if you’re more outgoing he wouldn’t get jealous that easily

simply because he’s used to it and knows it doesn’t mean anything

but if you’re a bit less social and to yourself like he is

it would take a lot less to get him jealous

there would also be fewer situations in which he’d have a reason to get jealous

but that makes the times he does so much more powerful

like this one time you were at a musicshop to get a new microphone

he was checking a few different ones while you wandered around looking at all the cool instruments

after asking something to the older man who owned the store about two mics he was doubting between he walked back to show you his pick

what he didn’t expect was you talking to a guy

he stopped walking right away

who’s that? does she know him? he doesn’t look familiar.

dilemma’s, does he just walk up to you? should he look around a bit to wait until you’re done?

he turns on his heels a bit, hoping you’d notice him but you had your back to him

the guy rambled on about a keyboard

since he couldn’t see your face from where he was standing he also couldn’t tell if you were comfortable, he knows how hard you find it to just cut off a conversation

especially with a stranger

but maybe it wasn’t a stranger? maybe you were having a great time with this super outgoing and wellspoken guy?

he usually didn’t care what people thought about him but you were different

so on one hand it bothered him that he was feeling jealous but on the other hand he didn’t want to interrupt if you were having a nice conversation

he slowly walked up to you

‘hey babe- I found a mic so I’m ready to go when you are.’

completely ignored the guy

couldn’t hide the smile when you said you were ready to leave as well

probably doesn’t mention it to you again

Yedam

great communicator

but also emotional

would never mention it in the moment itself

stays respectful to you and the people around you

eventhough he’s emotional, those emotions are familiar to him and he knows himself very very well

so he rarely freaks out or gets angry

if anything makes him jealous he’d stay very levelheaded

when it happens frequently or if he can’t seem to put it behind him he’d ask you to talk

‘Something’s been bothering me- can we talk?’

for the usual couple this would ring alarm bells

but not you two, your focus was always on talking thing out before it got worse

not holding grudging and not thinking you can read each others’ mind 

you would sit down at home

taking the time to talk about it all

you can also talk about things that have been bothering you

it’s a very uplifting conversation in the end

‘I’m so happy you understand me so well.’

you’d go from one subject to another

sharing past experiences and explaining why certain things make him jealous

you really care for eachother and it shows a little more every day

Doyoung

gets a little jealous very often

but usually forgets the moment you give him the slightest bit of attention

wishes he had you all to himself but sadly the world doesn’t work that way

but it doesn’t get serious most of the time

it only gets bad when he think a guy is actually making a move on you and you don’t seem to notice the intentions behind it

why were you smiling so cutely at him? he’s clearly flirting. what a douchebag.

instead of doing something right away he’d get a little more mad by the second

I bet that guy talks like this to loads of girls

even more mad

when he sees him playfully hit your shoulder Doyoung’s had it

with only a few big steps he’s within reach, grabbing your hand

he mumbles something about leaving before walking the other way

he’s not dragging you along, mostly because his eyes are still burning holes into the other guy’s head

but his speed picks up until you’re out of sight

‘Do they need to hold up a sign for you to see they’re trying to take you away from me?’ 

he started strong but his voice wavered at the end

his eyes went down, along with his volume

the anger replaced with something that sounded like sadness

a moment of silence passes before he lifts up his arms

slowly, very slowly, he pulls you against him

wrapping his arms around you one by one

‘Guys like that don’t deserve to be around someone as sweet as you. ‘

Haruto

on one hand he’s quite confident but on the other also a bit needy

so he wouldn’t get jealous in the sense of, oh now what if she leaves me for him

but more of a, alright when am I getting her attention again?

so let mission get your attention back commence

so many options

he starts by throwing a little ball he found somewhere against the wall

no response

starts practicing his verse in MMM out loud

no response

practices the choreo while stomping as hard as he can

still no response

‘Baaabe-’ he’d call from the other side of the room

finally a response as you turn to look at him

he wasn’t sure what to say next so instead he holds out his arms

when you tell him you’re having a conversations and to wait a bit he gets a little hurt

wasn’t he your first priority? you were his

the rest of the day you’d notice him being a bit sulky and asked what’s wrong

he’d explain softly

‘I just never thought you’d deny my hugs, like ever.’ 

when he said it out loud he noticed he was overreacting a little

but still, y’know

he hasn’t really dated before so you were still figuring each other out

talking about this helped a lot and he felt like he learned more about you and about himself

he sighed in relief after you both let out your feelings, looking at you with a cheeky smile

‘Would you ever deny a kiss, though?’

Jeongwoo

gets jealous the easiest out of all of ‘em

slightly possessive

because you’re his and his only

what do you mean there’s other people on the planet?

what other people do you need if he’s already giving you all his love?

it also has a slight hint of insecurity behind it

mostly because of his perfectionism and drive to be the perfect boyfriend

the type to google cute dates and ‘how to be the best boyfriend’

would never admit it though

so when he gets jealous he also thinks he’s being super subtle about it

guess what

he’s not

voice 5 octaves higher when you ask about it

‘What do you mean? No I’m not-’

a couple minutes later you ask him to go get lunch

‘I’m sure mister nice guy would like to cook you some lunch.’

he said it before he noticed

‘I’m jokinggg-’

but it was too late, you were already onto him

the best cure for jeongwoo’s jealousy is loads of compliments or affection

he’d bask in the attention

‘I have the sweetest girlfriend ever-’ he’d try to say sweetly

but he was basically yelling it in your face in an attempt to make the guy hear it too

Junghwan

shy bby (EVENTHOUGH THE MV TELLS US OTHERWISE BUT AIGHT)

wouldn’t know what to do at all

brain stops working from confusion

it’s not like he hasn’t been jealous before

but it was never this type of jealous

all the feelings, he needed a plan

but he couldn’t think of anything

so instead he just sat and tried not to watch the entire time

it’s not like he owns you

so why does it still hurt seeing you laugh at someone else’s jokes?

when you walk back to him after finishing your conversation he still wouldn’t know how to feel

‘he seemed nice.’ soft voice

you agreeing with him didn’t help

‘how do you know him?’ a little less soft

quite stern actually, he even surprised himself

instead of answering you’d ask what’s bothering him

it’s quite clear but you still wanted to ask instead of assume

‘I don’t know-’ he trailed off

‘just seemed like you two are very close but you didn’t introduce me.’

his voice was soft again

the best way to make him feel better was to shower is face in kisses

and so you did

while teasing him about how cute he was being jealous

‘I’m not jealous!- ‘ he laughed

‘Maybe a little-.‘

[snowydaffodils]

Exhilarating

1741 words | 3rd Person POV

Another short fluff - this time with Seventeen's Josh!

Synopsis: Everything was dull and boring, but when she entered the room, she was like a breath of fresh air.

---

Despite the well designed interior and the fancy vases that decorated the room, it didn't push away the feeling of unfamiliarity and solitude that Joshua had felt since he arrived - or at the very least became aware of his surroundings. He didn't feel the isolation as much when he first came, because his vision (and memory) was blurry. He remembered people talking around him, and he remembered being taken from one place to another, but he didn't remember what they were saying exactly, or where they brought him to. When he came to, they told him he collapsed on pre-recording, and they had to immediately bring him to the hospital.

Joshua sighed. While the room was probably one of the most luxurious ones he'd been in, there was an odd unsettling feeling that disturbed him as he lay there, alone. It didn't help that he was wearing hospital clothes instead of his own and also that he was stuck to an IV drip. Just in between the door and floor, he saw shadows that stood tensely beyond his room, and he could guess them as the assigned security for him - just in case one of those sasaengs reached him somehow.

With the window shutters being closed down, it further elongated his feeling of being boxed in, as Vernon would've phrased it. His members were off to another schedule that he later would have to make up for, so nobody would be on the group chat. He would've called his mom to push away the loneliness, but it would have been barely dawn in Los Angeles.

The ceiling, once a comfortable target to place his sights on, slowly grew dull and boring, so he moved to lay sideways instead, facing the door. It was then when he heard noises and steps coming towards his direction, and the shadows under the door moved around for the first time.

His eyes perked up to see who was coming, hoping it would be his manager, or one of the members who finished their schedules early and came to see him. Instead of them, a white coat caught his eyes, the person in it fiddling with the notes she was holding as she entered the room.

"Mr. Hong, right?" she smiled, pulling up her glasses as she approached him. "Hong Jisoo."

The way she called him was cheerful and perky, and it brought a different light to enter the room. It suddenly didn't seem so sullen, and for that, Joshua was happy she entered, whoever she may be.

"Yes?" he managed, as he pulled himself up to sit straight and look at her properly.

"Good morning," she cheered, and he noticed that she was looking directly into his eyes. While he was used to direct eye-contact in America, Koreans tend to deem that action impolite, so he didn't really expected it. Even so, he had always thought of eye contact as an important element in communicating - it shows just how much attention you were getting from the other person. Her eyes seemed bright as he returned the contact, and the mere fact that they were looking into each other's eyes played a huge part in lightening up the room.

"Morning," Joshua replied, trying to smile back as politely as he could, despite the heaviness of his head while keeping his body upright.

"Oh, you shouldn't move too much!" she said upon seeing him. "You were running a high fever, on top of that you were dehydrated and overworked, too. Your temperature went down slightly, but you're still in a feverish range," she said quickly, adjusting the small tube that was connected to his arm.

"I feel better, though," Joshua reasoned, giving the girl a small smile to support his subjective argument. She puffed and blew the little bangs annoying her eyes away and placed her hands on her hips.

"Better doesn't equal good enough," she said, the look in her eyes clearly opposing his attempts to be let go. "Besides, take this opportunity to actually rest, okay? Its a big fancy room with fancy lighting, a TV and good speakers, and we'll get you food in a moment. You can't argue that this is not heaven," she rambled, pointing at his surroundings.

Joshua laughed, he had never met a doctor like this one. "You have a point," he said. "But, do you think you can move me to another room? Preferably with people?"

She blinked. "You want to switch rooms?"

Joshua looked around, there was a nurse standing right behind this doctor girl, and his security guard had stepped inside since the girl entered. They all looked at him weird and obviously against the idea, so he just nodded timidly and sighed.

"Its just that," the girl waited for his response patiently, her hands back on her the edge of his bed and the other on her notes. Joshua continued, unsure of himself as well. "It gets too quiet, and uh, silence gets pretty uncomfortable for me."

She gave him one look and spared a few seconds for her thoughts before she returned him with a reply. "Well, your manager told me its best you're not even seen by anyone at all, for your safety."

Of course he did. Joshua didn't doubt that, and he understood those orders completely, so he just nodded, accepting defeat. Worth a try though.

But she wasn't quite finished. She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, checked her screen for a while before coming back to him. "I can stay with you and chat if it helps," she grinned. "People call me a chatterbox, so why not put it to good use, right?"

"Are you not busy?" Joshua asked, pretty set aback by her suggestion, but was not against it.

She shook her head, swaying her bangs left and right before giving him a reassuring smile. "Not if nobody's calling for me. You're actually free to go after this drip," she points at the hanging liquid with the notes on her hand, "All you have to do is wait for your manager to pick you up. After all, your fever did go down, and we'll give you acetaminophens to take. What you really need is food and rest."

While the rest of the people in the room looked at her weirdly at her offer to be a chatterbox, she paid no mind to it and grabbed herself a chair to sit on by Joshua's bed. Joshua, on the other hand, just nodded numbly, unsure of what kind of reaction he should give, or what words to say. He had no reason to refuse, though, so he said nothing.

"You guys can go," she dismissed the nurses who followed immediately, and the security guard simply eyed her for a few seconds before returning to his post. She was the assigned doctor, after all, he couldn't (and shouldn't) restrict her from her patient.

Once they all left, Joshua blurted the question that had been sitting on the tip of his tongue. "So, do you stay to chat with all the patients you meet?"

She settled in her seat and gave him an ambiguous smile - one Joshua understood to not be completely genuine, but wasn't fake either. "Just the ones that seem particularly lonely."

"And," Joshua paused, picking his words carefully. "You don't have other lonely patients?"

She chuckled. Pressing her fist on her cheeks, she rephrased his question for him, "You mean why aren't I busy treating other patients?" The question stunned him for a while. He didn't expect her to be that direct, especially to her patient; but to be honest, he didn't mind it one bit.

Usually, when this kind of situation happened - where a conversation turned too straightforward for him to handle, Joshua would've chuckled awkwardly and politely, and just nodded or something to move on from the discomfort. But this time, he didn't know if it was because his head was still revolving, or if it was because he'd spent too much time with Jeonghan, but he didn't take the polite route and just directly returned her question with another one. He simply nodded. "Yeah, sure, if you care to tell?"

The response wasn't one she was used to receiving, so she was a bit flustered at the blunt exchange for a few seconds. "Huh," she huffed, but smiled. "I guess I'm assigned to do the extra stuff. Nobody wants to talk to patients and their guardians if its nothing medical related. Doctors are awkward that way. They prefer to research, write papers, and explore surgeries. And so they pushed me here," she gestured to the room around her. "To the VIP wards."

Before Joshua could take offense into her words, she disclaimed, "Not that you're 'extra stuff', but you must understand that some VIP patients can be," she gave him an awry grin, one that was indicating something negative, as she searched for the right word. She didn't seem to find one, but eventually settled with the description: "Exhilarating," which she worded with a shoulder shrug, indicating that it wasn't the correct word at all.

Joshua just laughed at her antics, wondering if the medical dramas about VIP patients actually happen in real life that she would describe them that way. "Would you say I'm - well - exhilarating, then?"

At this point, her smile was no longer ambiguous. Looking like she was in deep thought, she answered, "You're a different kind of exhilarating." Her dimples further accentuated the honesty in her smile. "I mean, obviously, you're well aware that you have got the looks," she reasoned, not at all embarrassed to compliment him, which was different for a change - but a good different.

"That I do," Joshua grinned. He was an idol, after all, he should be confident in his visuals.

"And you're young - not many VIPs are as young," she continued, still thinking of more answers. "And most people would've reprimanded me for speaking so casually and bluntly to a patient about her work. They'd say I was rude."

Joshua snickered. "Should I, then? Reprimand you, I mean?"

Her eyes rounded at his statement, and then she suddenly clasped her hands together and bowed her head. "I would reaaally, reaaaally appreciate it if you don't."

He laughed. This girl is really something.

"What was your name, again? Can I call you by name?" Joshua asked, visibly more comfortable.

And she returned him with another ambiguous smile.

---

[kirikiribaku]

bnha 292: horikoshi what the fuck

(more angry thoughts under the cut, beware spoilers)

So could someone explain to me what the fuck is going on in this week’s chapter?! Why am I feeling so utterly disappointed at everything?

Chapter 290 was a freakin’ BLAST. It was a really amazing chapter because it gave something we all had been waiting for and it delivered. Dabi’s “I’m Todoroki Touya” reveal was everything I ever wanted, it was exciting and heartbreaking, and so so satisfying, we got to see Endeavour in despair over something he can’t control and he oh so badly deserved! It was Touya’s moment to shine and he was having the time of his life! It was amazing!

Then chapter 291 happened and SUDDENLY AND OUT OF NOWHERE Best Jeanist isn’t dead. No, this is not okay. I was so angry because, again, this came out of nowhere and also bc I believe people will cling to this comeback to take credibility away from Touya’s broadcast. 

And I thought: “oh well, it can’t be helped, I mean the heroes are gonna win in the end probably so I can put up with a little bit of this deus ex machina for the heroes’ hope’s sake”

BUT THEN CHAPTER 292. MAN. MAN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Not only is Best Jeanist being a complete asshole to Touya (which I get to some extent, I mean Dabi is still a villain and his actions are not justified by his abuse and all that) but BJ is telling him not to turn his family issues into hero drama and i’m like????? hello???? do you really believe you would all be better off not knowing about endeavour’s abuse???? do you think he (touya) should be over it???

and then, to top it all, MIRIO SHOWS UP, WITH HIS POWERS RESTORED.

and don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that our sunshine boy is back. but seriously NOT RIGHT NOW, NOT LIKE THIS.  again, just where did he come from???!!

This is starting to feel a lot like the cheap writing in kids’ movies where the heroes are losing against the villain and all hope seems lost when suddenly and very conveniently something happens (someone comes, unexpected help arrives) and they win and everyone is happy. (have y’all watched Rise of the Guardians? yeah, sandman).

anyways, the official translation isn’t out yet so I’ll have to wait until Sunday to let this anger and frustration consume me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the next chapters, but 290 set my expectations reaaally high and I’m on a downfall right now.

[wildberryautumn]

Live thoughts while watching Dracula Das Musical Part I

360p :( I'm so spoiled now ahaha

good looking stage design

so we’re getting exposition with an instrumental track...alright

Mina pricks her finger on a /white/ rose lol

who are these rando gentlemen?? and why are they reacting to Mina like that???

love the dual scene with Mina’s London home and Jonathan’s mysterious Castle Dracula surroundings; the full moon is a cherry on top

LOVE the Dracula-first-appearing-as-an-old-man bit!! Excited for the “reveal” moment (and nothing like a crimson robe to relax at home in)

rolls eyes at the “never drink wine” joke but actually i love it

orchestra sounds great!

ooh large moving set pieces :D

can’t remember Dracula sharing a psychic link with Mina before Van Helsing hypnotizes her?? but good spoopy/foreshadowing effect

clever use of shadows; wondering what changes were made between the La Jolla/Broadway productions – did they always draw influence from Coppola’s film?

hmmm makes sense that Dracula is queer coded, but maybe they actually build on it?? (@ the shaving scene w/ Jonathan)

haha the animal sounds are effective >:D

ugh I can’t imagine singing with fangs...wait does Dracula have fangs? and if not, why are only his retractable? I think fangs in a stage production aren’t necessary...

WOW the brides are really tossing this baby around!!! this is so f*cked up

the sound for the neck snap...both comical and disturbing

Renfield is wonderfully creepy

really appreciate how they’re using the space of the stage for these simultaneous events

laughing at Lucy’s flashback from a moment that happened literally a minute prior; also realizing “The Mist” is in my top songs

when “Loving You Keeps Me Alive” (my top song) started playing I didn’t realize how much I appreciate “She” from the Korean production. it really helped bridge the story, and Borchert’s performance falls flat to me since there’s not really a reason to be invested in Dracula's love for Mina :( *on a side note, holy hell @ Dracula’s “incognito walking around the city nothing to see here” SEXY GOTH OUTFIT @.@ !!! all-black with a billowy shirt and huge ass fur coat?? Yes pls (Jekyll and Hyde much? haha)

I LOVE sneaky cameos - Dracula showing up at Lucy’s wedding is just *chef’s kiss*

"The Invitation” is sooo dark-OH and the orchestral reprisal of “The Mist” is perfection!!

please please pleeaaase let Dracula be one of those dark hooded figures at the funeral

aww :( kinda weird he just walks on stage lol but the brides are cool (surprise cameos XD), plus love the dual scene effect once again!

oh!!! he's singing directly to Mina, from the graveyard!! Still unsure about their telepathic connection (Phantom vibes???), but very effective (and high on the spoop meter lol)

absolutely love Lucy’s transformation; the blood (and fangs) work reaaally well :o

so far, i really like the production! excited for Act II ^^

[overclockedroulette]

okay fluff time since i'm in SUCH a good mood

i love them so much and it is so upsetting what happened to them 😔 what do you mean it's my fault 😔 i don't know what you're talking about 😔

~~~

“Whatchu working on?” Chio asked suddenly, leaning himself on Avarice’s shoulder and snickering as he tried to play off the high-pitched yelp he had just made as an unintentionally nervous-sounding laugh. He cleared his throat, and Chio mercifully resisted the urge to make a comment about the glitter on his cheeks. “Looks cute.”

“A vessel for a simplistic form of artificial consciousness,” he answered rather curtly, pointedly not looking at the curious half-elf, who was now using his shoulder as some sort of lever to lift himself up and attentively study the half-built contraption on the ground (although, he didn’t shove him off either, so Chio counted that as a win). “The more complex forms are a pain to facilitate, so I’m creating something that requires a little less maintenance.”

“Mmh,” he tilted his head. “Looks kinda familiar though.” There was that glitter again. Avarice really could be adorable when he wasn’t concentrating on acting like… well, like he does. Not that he’d say it to his face, of course (or, rather, he definitely would, but only when he wasn’t so curious about what he was doing). He sat up straight, and Avarice had to hastily adjust the positioning of his shoulder to keep his balance. “Why are you blushing?” He demanded, pushing himself forward so he could make eye contact and very much getting in the way.

“I’m not blushing.”

“You aaare! Why are you blushing, Ri-ri?” He further teased, finding to his delight that when Avarice averted his eyes, the silver in his cheeks just grew more prominent. He gasped falsely. “Do you liiiike me?” Avarice rolled his eyes, but Chio could swear he saw the faintest trace of a smile on his lips.

“Remind me why I put up with you?” He suggested. Chio shrugged, and he stifled a laugh. “Whatever. Leave me alone, rat.”

“Reaaally?” His tone was suddenly drawn-out and teasing, as he draped his arms over Avarice’s shoulders and wrapped them around his midriff. The shimmering on his cheeks heightened tenfold, and Chio could swear that it was literally glowing. He continued to adjust a hinge on a piece of metal nonetheless. “S’that what you want? You want me to leave you alone? You suuure?”

“I’d… rather like to focus on my work, yes.” That was hesitant. He was sure that was hesitant. And his smugness over that fact was extremely evident, so Avarice added: “The distraction is unnecessary, darling, I’m busy.”

Chio just moved his arms up to wrap comfortably around his neck. “Ooh you wanna kiss me so bad.”

“And what if I do?”

The response was so immediate that Chio had to do a double take. And before he knew it, he was laying on the floor with both arms pinned above his head, his dumb smirk all but completely illuminated by the soft, speckled glow from Avarice’s cheeks.

“Who looks stupid now?” He teased. “May I?”

“You may. Darling.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

So Avarice leaned down, not once breaking eye contact, and kissed his stupid mouth shut. Not the worst way Chio had been shut up, he had to admit. And for someone with the same capacity for emotional intimacy as a feral cat, he was a surprisingly good kisser. So he let it hang for a moment. And another. It was Avarice who pulled back, trying very hard to play off the light panting as if he hadn’t just forgotten to breathe for a few seconds. And then he wordlessly released Chio from his grip and returned to his work.

The silence lasted the greater part of ten seconds before Chio draped himself over Avarice’s shoulders again. “Okay, so what is it?”

No response - other than a slight roll of the eyes.

“No, seriously, what is it, ‘cause it kinda looks like a cat? But that doesn’t sound like…” Avarice averted his eyes, and Chio’s lit up. “No way. You’re actually-”

“It’s a fairly easy thing to model after, and it means I can spend less time on the body and more time on the consciousness,” he explained, quick and defensive. “It’s also complex enough to modify in a number of ways, and-”

“You think it’s cute.” Chio grinned.

“Irrelevant.” He was blushing again. “I don’t, for reference.”

“You’re making a robot cat because you think it’s cute.”

“That’s-”

“Ri-ri, that’s adorable.”

“I was going to say inaccurate,” he snapped. “Don’t patronise me.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, lover boy,” Chio retorted, batting the tools out of Avarice’s hands and pinning them above his head in exactly the same way that had been used on him less than a minute ago, knocking him onto the floor and obscuring his face with messy locks of purple. “Alright, my turn~!”

Avarice certainly wasn’t complaining

[greentrickster]

justanother--fan

Just a question! Do those earplugs themselves cancel noise or does the music playing on the earplugs cancel the noise? As it turns out, she isn't great with music directly blaring through her ears if that makes sense?

Aaah, being too welcoming. "Oh, this is such a friendly place. Maybe they wouldn't mind if we... colonize them?"

Oh, maybe that's why the United States are such a huge global superpower nowadays.

Hmm, were they drawn to colonizing the USA because of the landmass, taxes and natural resources?

I remember learning that the Philippines was colonized because of natural resources and a strategic location for wars and trading? Maybe a similar reason applies to the USA?

*sigh* I can never understand how people can be really mean to diversity.

I guess it's just a survival instinct that refuses to subside. Even waaay past its usefulness. Much like a wisdom tooth. Ughh.

Waaait. What exact course did you take? Anthropology seems to be reaaally fun! What's really interesting is not only their differences, but how those really different cultures have certain similarities!

Do you think that all people are related to each other at some point in the family tree?

Aww, festivities here last for a week with the main highlights happening on a day or two. Just like holidays. You celebrate for months, but the real one lasts for a day or two.

Ahahaha, holidaaays! We... might have caused that?? We start celebrating Christmas on the first day of September (we call it the ber months), when it starts to get a little bit cheery. There are Christmas carols everywhere. It has also become a running gag. This guy sings the most popular and stereotypical Christmas Song here.

Lights start to adorn the streets, parols start to illuminate the dark, children start to sing Christmas carols in exchange for a few coins and candies

And Christmas "sales"! A lot of them. I really think that it makes people spend more money, not save more.

I really think blaring Christmas songs on malls make people spend more.

Oh, and that song. That cursed song. That super irritating earworm. aLL i wAnT fOr cHrIsTmAS is YoUuuuuuuuuu

It's not even that much of a Christmas song!!! No offense to Mariah Carey, though.

Edit!! Ediiiit! Christmas Season lasts until the 6th of January.

It’s the way the earphones are shaped and fit in the ear, not the music playing, that causes them to act like partial ear plugs. And don’t worry, it makes total sense that music directly in her ears would bother her if she’s noise sensitive! That’s one of the reasons I mention this to people, because it’s such a non-intuitive solution - I mean, using something made to put sound directly in my ears to help me deal with too much sound? It shouldn’t make sense! The trick is, the soft plastic of the bit that goes in the ear causes a partial seal within the ear, like an earplug does, only it’s a bit easier to take in and out.

I’d really rather not discuss colonization anymore at the moment, if that’s okay - the negative results of it in the States are very much on peoples’ minds at the moment, and it’s a complicated subject that can get very ugly very fast. And, given my very low level of knowledge on these topics, I’m not comfortable discussing them in a public setting like this. :/

Anthropology isn’t a single course, it’s an entire area of study, so I took a lot of different courses for it. There were a bunch I had to take just to learn basic ideas - there was an intro to anthro course at my high school and another one at my university. I took both, and it was interesting enough that I kept going with it in university. The most interesting courses I took were a couple of ethnographies, and one on folklore! For that last one, my final essay was a compare-contrast on the fairy tales Snow White and Rapunzel to each other and towards their Disney counterparts, and I actually had a lot of fun researching it! It can be a really depressing subject, though, too, because a lot of the cultures talked about are either gone or dying (see: colonization). Still, it’s a subject I’m really glad I learned about, and I would very much recommend that if you can you snag an intro course on it at least when you start college.

Frankly? No idea. Science says ‘yes,’ various religions say ‘no,’ no one has a really conclusive answer, so I’mma withhold judgement on that one for the time being.

No, I don’t think you did - this really is a pretty recent and very commercial thing, it really is a matter of ‘Christmas sales’ tricking people into spending more money than they save, like you said. And, as someone who worked a retail job for a bit more than a year, blaring those Christmas songs so early and so repetitively has the very powerful effect of making you get really sick of Christmas songs really quickly, even if you usually enjoy or don’t mind them.

In the areas I’ve lived, Christmas season tends to last maybe to December 26, then everyone’s getting ready for New Year’s parties.

[saltyaro]

[Image description: The cover of the 5th book of Aromantic (love) Story. It features a drawn woman in a red tank top, a white skirt that hides her heels, and red high heels shoes. She has her hands on her hips and looks confident.]

You know what I forgot to do? That review on the 5th and last tome of aromantic (love) story. For those who weren’t aware yet, I’m not going to keep the suspense going on any longer: yes, it is safe, no, the heroine doesn’t end up as a straight woman. That’s already a victory in itself, so now all of you can go ahead and buy it if it’s available in your country ;) 

The actual review is under the read more, it’s not spoiler free so!

So, Futaba (the main character) tried dating to see if she’s able to develop romance, or not. The person she chose to do so with of course knows about it, and they’re actually both trying it to see if they can understand romance. Futaba still can’t imagine romantic attraction outside of sexual attraction, which frustrates her, because she *knows* allo aces are a thing so obviously, sexual desire isn’t necessarily linked! The viewpoint of her (straight dude) partner-in-crime is...well, not surprising at all, actually. His opinion is that romantic feelings are born of, on one hand, wanting the other person’s happiness, while also wanting to possess them and keep them all to yourself. 

This is, well. A very Straight Man™ way of seeing things, but, on the other hand, this point of view isn’t limited to them. (I promise, I’m not going to ramble about how it’s scary that society puts such a violent feeling as the most beautiful and important. Not on this post at least)

Fun note, at least for me, you have the classical “guy is sick, girl brings him medicine” except...Futaba gives him the medicine and just. Leaves. I love her. Well, she ends up going to his apartment, but that’s where her being aro really stands out. Usually, in a basic romcom, everyone’s flushed, and it’s annoying. But Futaba is aro, so she isn’t embarrassed, she just sees someone she cares about being sick and wants to help. She’s very natural and stoic about the whole situation. It may seem like a detail, but honestly I find that so important!

She explains that, when she was a teenager, she avoided men as much as possible (to avoid romance) and I relate. So fucking much. I don’t know if any of you did the same, but with my parents bugging me about boys, I just avoided them as much as possible (with a few exceptions). I didn’t feel unsafe around men yet back then, so I know that’s not what it was. 

She explains she was afraid of creating misunderstandings, and ended up not using the world “love” at all because of that. I relate to that so much too, I’m trying to heal from that, and I think it’s important, really important, for us as a community, to learn to separate love from romance. Anyway, this kind of struggle that just...hinders your vocabulary options is really a shame, and I’m glad to see a character mention it (and not be shamed for it!).

Are you ready for some Hetero Bashing™? Because Futaba reunites with her friends and they talk a bit. The Straight dude (Kyosuke) asked Futaba to think about marrying him, and she’s a bit “huuuuuh” so she talks about it to her friends. Friend 1 is like “well, you don’t need to be *in romance* to get married. I have friends, a straight dude and a lesbian, who got married by necessity” and Futaba expresses that she never thought such a thing would happen to her, she never thought of marriage being an option for her. Friend 2 they says that it’s the contrary for her, impossible to avoid the idea of marriage and children, despite not wanting either, because it’s been so ingrained in her head. “you know, the “to perpetuate the specie” argument, like having descendance is every human’s mission...”

And the friend 1 says “ah...the perfect exemple of a notion made by straight people to validate their point of view!” and I love that?? I mean, in general, even in the larger queer community, we’re dancing around the argument, finding proof that there are non-straight animals in all species, and all. She then adds “If reproductions is *that* important...then rich single people could have a ton of kids using articifial fertilization and bingo, they’d have contributed to society’s well-being!” Friend 2 is like “uuuuh, that would raise ethical issues” to what friend 2 answers: “Personally, I kinda reaaally don’t care for lessons of morality from a society that considers sexual minorities and childfree people as useless. If we consider that humanity will necessarily go extinct one day, then mating to reproduce is nothing but a useless cycle”. I really like that take which’s why I *had* to share it despite it being so long to read haha. 

Futaba is surprised by her words, so friend 2 explains that friend 1 is worried that a straight guy is going to steal Futaba from them, and she doesn’t want to be abandoned. Friend 1 is bi but that’s a very aro sentiment here tbh. 

(Straight bashing, over)

You have the usual meeting with the family...god, how realistic is that, you see your aunt and uncle you haven’t seen in maybe years and the only thing they’re interested in, is whether or not you’ve found a romantic partner. I swear, I got annoyed for the character cause it’s so true. She’s bothered (and I am too) by her grandma’s affirmation that everyones gets married someday. I hate that, it really, really annoys me that I supposedly can’t be free to make my own decisions! But she also knows that it would be useless to explain to her grandma that her words are paternalism, so she lets her be. Because she means well, and maybe that’s the worst thing about amatonormativity and its assumptions...that the people upholding those mean well. 

The manga also touches (rapidly) on Futaba feeling of guilt for not being sincere with her family. Her parents aren’t pressuring her to get married, but she knows that seeing their only child, still single, and over 30, is sure to make them worried (especially given she’s not exactly wealthy). I can’t express how much I love seeing a character like that, she knows what she wants, but there’s still this lingering feeling that keeps you from feeling totally at ease, regardless of how much confidence you’ve got. It’s only natural and nothing to be ashamed of. 

I think one of my favourite moments of this book - maybe of all the serie? is after Kyosuke’s friends remotivates Futaba by, basically, telling her to do what she always did, fight out of spite, even if that means to accept to sometimes take hits (this happens throught the phone). Kyosuke says to his friend, that he would never have neeb able to say such things to him, and his friend answers that love blinds him, and prevents him from seeing what she really needs. To that, Kyosuke doesn’t answer, and his friend understands immediately and says “That look...maybe you actually nurture this self-deception.” 

And I love this moment because, for Futaba to be happy, she needs to be single, and free. From him, and his expectations of romance, because even though he knows, rationally speaking, that she won’t ever feel the same, he still wants her, and still wants to be the one at her side - when no one should be. Not in a partnership way anyway. He’s actually choosing to ignore the rational part of him because he still hopes for her to make the difficult choice, and stay at his side, because it’s not really that he wants her to be happy but rather, that he wants to be the one to make her happy, which is of course, extremely selfish and possessive. I love that it’s just laid here, without ambiguity. What’s great also, is that the straight dude in romo realizes what he’s doing, even if he tries to ignore that. Later in the manga, Kyosuke thinks to himself that he couldn’t help but hope that she would concecede, yield, and accept him, despite knowing that’s not what she needs, and knowing that’s not the way you build a positive relationship. I...don’t know if alloro usually know they’re doing such things? I don’t know what’s worse, to be confident you’re not doing that shit when you’re doing it, or to keep on doing it even though you’re aware. 

On a sidenote, I really, really like that she got boosted by the least expected person? They don’t like each other, they’re more or less at each other’s throat most of the time cause he’s sexist and unsentitive, but in the end, he was touched by the anger in the beginnings of her work, and it built a sort of...professional trust between the two of them. Like, those characters won’t ever be friends, but there’s still that little place of trust between them, it’s a delicate portrayal of ambiguous relationships. 

Basically, what ends the manga, if the end of Futaba’s own manga (the romantic comedy). And I really like the outlook she has on it, at the end of her 2 years and a half of work. Even though she didn’t want to write such a thing, in the end, she met a lot of people thanks to it, and, through challenging her own vision of relationships and romance, she finally managed to complete her certitude in herself and who she is. I think that’s a lovely parallel. 

It also ends her questions, and she rejects Kyosuke (I usually can’t help but laugh when a Straight man gets rejected in fiction I’m an asshole I know). Their conversation is really lovely after that, and challenged the expectations of partnership. Kyosuke asks her if she would have accepted his proposal if, like one year ago, he didn’t feel anything towards her. And her answer is no. She did think about it, imagining their marriage as a fake straight couple, and how she knew that, while it would have asked concessions and sacrifices from both of them, they could have been happy.  But what she needs isn’t some stability based on renunciations, but ton confront reality, so she can live in agreement with herself. 

Also, the moment after her choice, loneliness and worry strike her, and she acknowledges that feeling, because it’s okay, it doesn’t mean she made the wrong choice. It will pass. 

The younger guy who’s also in romance with her, interestingly enough, resolves the situation in a very mature way. He asks her if she’s found her answer, when they’re about to part ways (he’s no longer her assistant), and she says that, yes, she doesn’t feel romance - and he thanks her, for having endured his weirdness all this time, and bids her farewell. And we then have his thoughts - while his decisions, to act that way, was difficult for him, he did so because it was the right thing to do and he realized that insisting would have bothered her. That was nice. The situation is weird for Futaba too, because, as his senior, she kinda felt responsible for him, protective maybe? And she’s a bit overwhelmed by how much this kid’s grown. 

There’s an epilogue of sorts, and we can see that Futaba decided to entirely live while being true to herself, which also means making some changes. 

To conclude: I really liked this serie! It’s nice to see a woman over 30, finally embracing herself - despite having gone through doubts, even at her age - after making sure she was right about her feelings. She’s, well, asexual I think, but it’s the aro part that matters to her, and really has an influence on her life, the ace part is more of an afterthought. It’s also nice to see a nonamorous aromantic woman! Aro women are already hard to grasp in our amatonormative and migogynistic society, so a nonamorous one probably even more so. 

It was overall a really nice experience, I’m not going to say everything was perfect, and her aromanticism is the topic of the story, but Futaba is also her own person and this is never downplayed in favour of talking about her identity. Definitely something too rare and, as such, very enjoyable.