#i was a little worried that the intro was a little too spoilery but i Think it’s fine?

[remxedmoon]

“the eternal wanderer…? even death cannot release it from its plight… hm. did i create a second copy of this card?”

tribeless

1 power - 1 health - 7 bones?

unkillable - when a card bearing this sigil perishes, a copy of it is created in your hand.

corpse eater - if a creature that you own perishes by combat, a card bearing this sigil in your hand is automatically played in its place.

brittle - after attacking, a card bearing this sigil perishes.

hidden trait - cursebearer

this card cannot be sacrificed at the sigil stones event.

[twohats spoilers below the cut!]

“callous, aimless, manipulative. this pitiful beast hides behind a mask of its own face.”

tribeless

2 power - 1 health - no cost

repulsive - if a creature would attack a card bearing this sigil, it does not.

bifurcated strike - a card bearing this sigil will strike each opposing space to the left and right of the space across from it.

hidden trait - shapeshifter

while in your deck or hand, this card will disguise itself as the wanderer.

SURPRISE BONUS CARD!!! or well. not really a surprise if you’re from the discord. still!!!! bonus card!!! writeup below!!!!

this is an ijiraq reskin!!!! or well. they were supposed to be one. their out-of-battle behaviors are pretty different but they work mostly the same in battles

the repulsive sigil is there because the ijiraq has it! but it also counts towards loop’s. general attitude towards themself i think. at least they can’t get attacked (if they don’t attack something with sharp quills that is). in kaycee’s mod, this sigil only appears on the ijiraq and starvation (which can only be played by leshy). probably for the best!

i added bifurcated strike both to set them apart from the ijiraq and because scissors craft! stats and sigils wise, they’re a sidegrade to the ijiraq. the fun stuff comes with their hidden trait!

so! shapeshifter!! originally just called. ijiraq. but it works a little different so it gets a different name shshhh. but i’ll just explain how the regular ijiraq works since it’s a kaycee’s mod card and kinda obscure. basically, it diguises itself as other cards in your deck! while on the map, it’ll show the card’s alt version with a red glow, but in battle, it’ll look and behave exactly like the card it’s mimicking. it only reveals itself once placed on the field! so it’s always a surprise! loop works similarly, but they only mimic sif’s card. because twohats :3

like the ijiraq, loop will swap themself with sif for most card events! though there’s a good few that they’ll just refuse to do. too much to talk about there, maybe i’ll post the talking card dialogue for them at some point? idk

oh, speaking of which!! like sif, loop is a talking card! they’ll still talk, even while disguised, but they’d have slightly different lines and portraits methinks. which does make it a little easier to figure out who’s who but that’s a sacrifice (heh) i’m willing to make. plus it’s just fun.

vulpecula is the name of a fox constellation! for fun parallels with siffrin! the constellation itself doesn’t have any mythology behind it though. just a fox. the reason loop’s holding a goose in their mouth(…?) is because the constellation is sometimes depicted with one! please look at the goose i’m really proud of that goose.

this was. probably the hardest card to draw Period. my usual way of drawing loops spiky face would’ve felt out of place with the inscryption style so i had to improvise! and BOY it was a struggle!! especially since i didn’t have a sketch prepared like i did with the others. i think this turned out pretty nice though!

NO PATCH!!!! REJOICE!!! loop can’t be selected for sigil transfers (because ijiraq) so they don’t have any!!!! i mean, i could’ve hypothetically given a patch to the sif disguise but no. i don’t want to even try to recolor the patch. that would be a nightmare. maybe if i ever find a blank png version of the patch.

if i were to give them a patch sigil tho, i think i’d give them hoarder? which lets you draw any card from your deck after placing loop on the field. as like, a nod to how much QoL they add in isat.

also as a little aside, you can attempt to fuse them and the wanderer at the mycologists. they won’t let you but you can try. similarly, they’ll be counted as kin in the trial of kin! because again. twohats

THAT’S EVERYTHING 🎉🎉🎉 rare cards wise, at least. trust me there’s a ridiculous amount of extra stuff for this au. i’m making an entire campaign. god have mercy on me

no extra alt card art so uh. thank you for reading these!!! isatscryption is like. probably the most self indulgent thing ever for me. thank you so much to everyone who’s responded to these aauauuaa i reread the responses like. every day!!! so thank you!!!!!! 💥

[wings-of-ink]

Hi again! Now I'm done with replaying old content and with reading the new chapter!

And damn, I loved it so much!

I have to say, Duri is probably my biggest surprise here. With the character intros, I expected them to be my least favorite RO, but somehow, they "feel" quite different from what I imagined, and I ended up really adoring them! If I wasn't so in love with Oswin, I would certainly have picked them!

Also, "You just bonked a demigod on the nose and lived to tell the tale." has to be one of my favorite lines in an IF ever!

But you know what has me frustrated (not saying that in a bad way)? The fact because of everything that happened, Oswin STILL didn't tell MC what he wanted to tell them nor did he give them that famous gift! I neeeed to know so badly!

On that matter, I've been thinking a lot about what could have caused Oswin to distance himself from the MC the way he did, and so far, I have two main theories - though both may be wrong. I will share but obviously I'm not expecting you to comment on them as that would be spoilery! - First one would be that after the MC started being sick, he felt more and more helpless about that, and his frustration about not being able to help MC ended up translating as him being frustrated WITH MC. As a kid it's possible he didn't think as much on this, but the more he grew up, the more not being able to do anything could have bothered him. And then acting badly with MC could have led him to feel guilty and keep his distances even more. The thing that makes me hesitant about this one though is the fact Lakota already feels that sort of frustration too, and as a healer it makes more sense for him, so I don't know if it would be the same for Oswin. - Second one would be that as he grew up, Oswin started having romantic feelings for the MC, but since he was older than MC - even if both were teens - he felt bad about it, or simply didn't consider the MC could ever reciprocate because of the age gap, which while very small once a person is an adult is way "bigger" for teenagers. In that case, him being frustrated and angry and lashing out may have been a result of him setting himself up for rejection or considering a relationship - even in the future - would be impossible, and thus sort of putting a wall to prevent further damage, even if said wall CAUSED the damage. Though that would highly depend on Oswin canonically having feelings for MC regardless of player's choices when it comes to MC's feelings, and for the time being I really can't tell if that's the case.

Anyway, I'll stop here with the theories cause it's starting to be quite long! But I just need to ask... will we be able to cuddle with Duri again - no matter the form - even if not romancing them? My MC seems compelled to just hug people and animals!

Yay! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

I was hoping Duri would gain a few more fans with their reveal and it seems that is happening. All the characters are layered, but Duri has some special flavors to discover. They're better experienced in story I think too; they shine a little more true.

And I am so glad you caught that bit with Oswin, my dear! You're the first so far to mention it. Your MC will get the chance to bring that up, don't you worry. He's such a tease sometimes without meaning to be, lol.

I like your take on Oswin, and all I will say (but I won't point to specifics) is that you are on one or more correct paths. Chapter 5 should yield a conversation that will help paint the picture as well. Also thinking I should do some POVs sometime soon, and Oswin has several moments that are well-suited to this.

Duri will be available for cuddles, even the platonic ones in the coming chapters. They're pretty affectionate, especially towards friends.

Thank you for the message my dear, I really enjoyed and appreciated it! ^_^

[alittlextrathatway]

So, I’ve changed tactics on a multichap I started and because of that, this intro to the first chapter is now defunct. Instead of letting it get dusty in my google docs I thought I would share the non-spoilery bits. Enjoy!

******

Severide knows why he’s up early. He has to be.

A day of fishing that starts late is a waste of time.

Boden can’t come to the bachelor party mostly as a result of the extremely thin professional and personal boundary he tries to maintain between himself and 51. Instead he offered to take the day off and go fishing with Kelly on his boat.

It’s a compromise Kelly can definitely live with.

What he didn’t expect when he woke up that morning was to find Sylvie Brett leaning against his kitchen island with a cup of coffee in her hands.

He stops and blinks tiredly at her. “What time is it?” He asks her.

“Five, why?” She says through a yawn.

“Just making sure I hadn’t missed my alarm. Last time you slept over no one saw you before lunchtime — and by you I mean you and Matt.”

She blushes but grins without shame. “I have somewhere to be today and Matt has shift so an early start it is.”

He walks around the island and gently hip checks her, playfully making room for himself in front of the coffee maker. “You’re off today too?”

She nods and bounces on her feet as a beaming smile spreads over her lips. In these moments, he remembers Sylvie when she was green and earnest, getting to know everyone at 51 for the very first time. She hasn’t changed too much, thank god. Not in any detrimental way at least. He’s watched from the sidelines for years as she became better and stronger — a leader the CFD could be proud of. He was in her orbit a lot in those early days but as life became busier that fell away and now that she’s dating Matt he finds himself growing close to her again.

He regrets ever letting them drift apart. He’s ashamed to say that he forgot how much fun she could be.

“I’m babysitting Amelia today,” she tells him. “Scott has a last minute all day work thing and his nanny is out of town so it’s Big Sister Sylvie to the rescue.”

“As opposed to every day Sylvie who never saves lives,” he teases dryly.

She rolls her eyes with a chuckle. “Right. Anyway, I still have to go back to my place and pack before I can hit the road.”

“Casey isn’t insisting on driving you?” Severide asks her with a knowing smirk. Every time Brett makes the trip out to Rockford, Matt makes sure to go with her. Casey would never admit it outloud, but Sylvie’s little sister has him wrapped around her tiny little finger. So does Sylvie Brett, but that’s beside the point at the moment.

She laughs lightly and shakes her head. “He tried, but I told him the house couldn’t afford to be missing both the PIC and the Captain at the last minute. Not with Boden no longer at 51 anyway. That seemed to convince him.”

“It would,” Kelly replies, laughing with her. “We’re all suckers for 51 and any of the people in it.”

There’s a shuffling sound from the other end of the room and they both look up just in time to see Matt walk into the living room.

“Are you leaving already?” He asks Sylvie as he joins them in the kitchen.

She nods and hands him her half finished coffee. “I need to be at Scott’s early so he can leave for work and I still have to pack.” Her arms go around his neck, she leans into his chest, and places a lingering kiss on his lips. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to leave without a proper goodbye. I promise.”

Matt’s arm circles her waist and pulls her flush against him, with their shared coffee in his free hand. “I’d hope not. We’d have to have a serious talk if you did.”

“You two are gross,” Severide declares with a teasing grimace. “Too new, too cute. Take it back to your room, Case.”

“You’re one to talk,” Matt fires back with a wide grin. “You and Kidd are equally disgusting.” He takes a sip of the coffee and then winces, turning to Sylvie with a mock accusatory glare. “How much sugar did you put in this?”

“Less than I normally do,” she replies, poking his side playfully. “Do you have something to say about it?”

Casey yelps and squirms away from her with a laugh. “No, babe. Not a single complaint. I’m fine with drinking mostly sugar and cream.”

Sylvie chuckles and pokes him again. “God, you’re a jerk.”

As much as Kelly teases them, he doesn’t actually find them disgusting. If he’s truthful, he’s ecstatic for Casey. And for Brett too. They’re two of the best people he knows and they’ve both had a lot of bad luck over the last few years. He’s relieved to see them happy and joyful. Casey may think he and Stella have a unique connection, but Casey and Brett have one too. One grown from friendship and mutual respect. It’s a stronger foundation than Severide had with Kidd when they started. He has a feeling his best friend has finally found his forever person and he anticipates things will move faster than either of them are willing to admit right now.

When Matt commits, he commits. It won’t take them long to take the next step. Whatever that looks like for them.

Sylvie takes her coffee back for another gulping sip and then sets it on the counter. “I should head out.”

Matt leans down to kiss her quickly and casually. “Be careful. Call me before you actually get on the road, yeah?”

“Of course,” she assures him as she runs a soft caress over his cheek. “I’ll call you when I leave for Rockford and when I get to Scott’s. I promise.” She grabs her duffle from where it sits by the door and slings the strap over her shoulder. “Have fun on your day off, Severide!”

“And you enjoy that little sister of yours!”

“You know I will!”

Matt walks her out of the loft with one hand on the small of her back and a besotted grin on his face. Severide chuckles softly and shakes his head.

As long as he’s known Matt, he’s never seen him so gone on anyone. He’s glad Casey and Brett worked it out. They deserve someone who reciprocates their feelings unconditionally.

******

Since Kelly and Sylvie are off, Matt offers to drive Stella to work in his truck. Carpooling saves her gas and mileage so she quickly agrees.

Severide is already gone by the time she wakes up. Fishing with Boden is serious business. She knows better than to keep him from it or delay him from leaving precisely when he means to.

On the way to the Firehouse, Matt’s phone rings from the phone mount on his dash. At the sight of Sylvie’s name he eagerly hits speaker.

“Hey,” he greets.

Stella grins at his chipper tone. It took them a while but she’s grateful her two best friends got their act together finally.

“Hey!”

“Stella’s with me. We’re on our way to work.”

“Oh! Hey, Stella!”

“Hey, Brett! How’s it going?”

“Good! Just stopping for a sugary treat before I hit the road.”

“Bear claw from The Doughnut Vault?” Matt asks knowingly.

“Of course! What else?”

He rolls his eyes with fond frustration. “That’s hardly breakfast.”

“I’ll make sure to eat some real food once I’m at Scott’s,” she promises. “I’m about to head that way now. Should be there in a couple of hours at most.”

“Good,” Matt agrees. “And don’t get so caught up in Mia that you forget to call me when you get there, okay?”

She laughs and the sound is bright. Brighter than anyone’s laugh should be before 8 in the morning, Stella thinks.

“I’ll do my absolute best not to forget. Believe me. I need to get on the road though so I should get off of here.”

“Okay, drive safe. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Bye, Brett! Give that baby a good squeeze for me!” Stella chimes in.

“I will! Have a safe shift, both of you.”

“I’ll try and keep the Captain in line but I make no promises. You know how he is.”

Sylvie laughs again but Stella can hear the genuine nerves underneath it. “I do know. Just make sure he stays in one piece.”

“Now that I think I can do.”

“Okay, okay, enough picking on me. Are you two done?” Matt asks with a dry laugh.

“For now,” Sylvie replies. “Call you when I get there. And then I’ll brag about how I’m getting all the baby cuddles and you’re not getting any of them.”

“Damn, Brett,” Stella says with a chuckle. “That’s cold!”

“I try to tell people how mean she is but no one will believe me,” Matt says, shaking his head and grinning playfully. “Take lots of pictures.”

“That’s a given. Talk to you later. I promise.”

“I’m holding you to that. If you don’t I’ll come looking for you. Don’t think I won’t,” Matt threatens, half seriously.

“Oh, I have no doubt you would. If only for the chance to be a baby hog. See you later!”

“Later,” Matt says just before she disconnects the call.

“You two sound sickeningly happy,” Stella observes, grinning widely.

“That’s what Severide said,” Matt replies with a chuckle. “And, you know what, I think we are. Sylvie is…well, she’s the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. So, if that means I’m disgustingly infatuated with her for the rest of my life then I’m okay with that.”

“It may be disgusting,” Stella concedes. “But it’s a good look for you. For her too. You both deserve someone who gives as much as you do. And there’s no one who gives more than you and Brett.”

Matt glances over at her as he parks his truck with a grateful expression. “Thank you, Kidd. I appreciate that.”

“Hey, I just call it like I see it.”

[panharmonium]

next round of in-progress naruto thoughts under the cut

[i actually haven’t progressed that far from where i was last time, honestly, but i could feel myself getting to a stage where i had some things i needed to write up.]

fyi, this one is a little more gripe-y than usual - still enjoying myself, but there are some things in the current arc that are bugging me.

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten to the point where naruto and bee break out of the island barrier and leave to join the war.  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

anyway, to go ahead with my grousing -

there are a couple things about this current arc that have me feeling "ehhh.”

1) too many dead people

i’ve personally always been lukewarm on the “revive/reanimate dead characters for the Confrontation Value” trope, which is probably due to me having been a comics fan for so long (i was pretty deep into DC-land during Blackest Night, and that’s not even the first/last time this sort of thing has been done there, so).  i’m not saying it CAN’T be done in an interesting way, but most of the time my experience with it has been that it’s kind of cheap/redundant storytelling.  it usually doesn’t add much to an emotional arc, for me, and when it retreads an emotional arc that did have a strong conclusion, i feel like all it does is weaken the original story.  

so like - places where i feel like shippuden does this well are with minato and kushina.  i found both of those scenes with naruto to be powerful moments that added something new to the story/to naruto’s development.  (but they’re not even part of the whole reanimation jutsu plotline, which is what i’m mostly feeling “eh” on, so it’s not even the greatest example.)

a place where i’m kind of in the middle is with asuma.  on the one hand, i really don’t think that this needed to happen, because the original story arc with him was SO strong.  however, they did kind of redeem themselves in a way by focusing the redux on choji instead of shikamaru, so at least they were still saying/exploring something something new.

places where i’m still pretty dubious are pretty much...everyone else.  i’m just not sure...well, i don’t know.  i can’t really say definitively how i feel about it until i get to the end of the arc and see how it ends, but at the current moment, i’m just not sure what we get out of seeing people like zabuza+haku, lady chio, itachi, nagato, etc....ALL of those stories had such powerful endings; it just makes me leery of these “resurrections” invalidating everything we saw previously/weakening the impact of what came before.

2) mixed messaging

this is my bigger gripe, and it’s something i’ve kind of had floating on the edges of my mind for a long time, but this season especially is highlighting it.

the one thing that is guaranteed to make me frustrated about this show (besides its obvious disinterest in female characters) is when it starts to lean super hard into the “Naruto Is The Only One Who Can Do It!” for every single task that needs to be completed.  and i know this is a stupid thing to complain about when the show is literally titled “Naruto,” but the reason it gets frustrating is because the initial message of this show was never “one super special person must do everything on their own and save everyone else.”  the original message of this show was teamwork.  

the very first lesson kakashi teaches the kids (and the foundation upon which the rest of the story has been built) is “you are stronger together.”  if you had all come at me together, you might have been able to take [the bells]!  he specifically criticizes naruto for working alone: “naruto - you do EVERYTHING on your own.  EVERYTHING.”  and that’s understood to be the Wrong Thing; it’s the reason naruto ends up tied to the stump.  but in the last few seasons especially (though there have definitely been previous moments where this has shown up before) the ONLY thing we keep hearing is how naruto has to accomplish everything by himself.  

it didn’t bother me in the Pain arc; i actually thought that confrontation was appropriate and necessary for naruto’s development.  but ever since then, it’s escalated to a point where now it’s like - “naruto is the only one who can fight sasuke!  naruto is the only one who can defeat madara!  naruto is the only one who can stop the war!  naruto is the only one who can erase everybody’s hatred!”  

and that’s the point at which i start to get frustrated, because my mind is like “okay, and the other characters are going to be doing...what, exactly?”

again, maybe it’s stupid to complain about that when the show is literally titled “Naruto.”  but i don’t think so.  title notwithstanding, this story at its heart was, in the beginning, an ensemble show with four main characters, whereas nowadays, the messaging is that only one of those characters can actually accomplish anything.  so i get kind of resentful, when i’m told that the other members of the team can’t do anything but step back and hold naruto up, because the essential message of this story has ALWAYS been “teamwork is more important than anything.  you are NEVER stronger by yourself.  we ALL have something to contribute.”

right now, the other characters feel like they’ve just been shunted off to do busywork.  none of them have grown or changed at all since the end of season 10 (and even the end of season 10 was starting to slide into the “only naruto can do anything about sasuke in the end blah blah” - yes it’s a huge pet peeve of mine but it is what it is; whatever; moving on).  we haven’t even SEEN sasuke since the end of season 10.  there’s been no consideration given to how kakashi is handling being drafted into a second war and being put in charge of 20,000 lives (and his clash with zabuza was just a vehicle for all the characters to reflect once again on how great naruto is).  there’s been virtually ZERO attention given to how sakura is handling things, minus that one scene where she’s looking at gory pictures from the previous great ninja war.  everybody is just marking time, punching a bunch of identical white zetsus until naruto can come solve the problem and wow everyone with his new abilities.

part of my annoyance might just be due to the fact that the timeline is so wonky due to filler arcs - it feels like ages have passed for me, but in-universe it really hasn’t been all that long.  but i also think there are legitimate reasons for me to be frustrated, when the show introduces things and then just unceremoniously drops them without any indicator of when they might be picked up again.  like - the uchiha genocide reveal was (i thought) a Huge Fucking Deal that should have Major Repercussions - but it’s just kind of.....disappeared as an issue???  and yamato - he’s been CAPTURED!!!!!!  but the show has not shown a single character reacting to this, or even being informed that it happened, and i think that’s shitty, actually.  yamato isn’t a minor character.  he’s been naruto’s personal guardian since season 2.  he has done SO MUCH for the kids, and he is kakashi’s friend, and i think it is shitty to have him get captured by the same people who experimented on him as a child and then not spend a second or two making it clear that other characters CARE about this.  

anyway.  this is just something that’s been creeping up on me as time goes on, and the last few episodes of “Naruto is the Savior of the Entire World” talk just made it feel more immediate, i guess.  plus the new intro (which i know may not be reliable; sometimes they show things that never happen) had a shot of naruto fighting itachi, and i think that tipped me over the edge, lmao, because you know what?  enough!!!!!  naruto can’t be the one who gets to do EVERYTHING!  some stories are not about him!  there are other characters who have relationships that are not about naruto.  there are places where other characters should be able to accomplish things naruto can’t do.  the other main characters should be allowed to complete their personal arcs, separate from (not just secondary to) naruto’s journey.

like - just - this is how i feel: this show started out as a story about a group of four people, and the root theme was “teamwork is everything.”  i don’t like how the show has slowly started to mutate into a story about naruto’s “solitary” quest to save sasuke, when we have seen MANY TIMES that: 

a) sakura was the first of the kids who even knew that something was wrong with sasuke, while naruto remained utterly oblivious all the way through shonen jump (and partway into shippuden, tbh)

b) kakashi in the past has connected with sasuke in ways that NEITHER of the two kids have been able to achieve

i just don’t like it.  i don’t like how S10 had sakura say the line “naruto...you were the first one to ever see the darkness in sasuke...” when she’s reflecting on their fight on top of the hospital, because that is a LIE.  it’s a blatant retcon.  of the kids, sakura was the one who knew from the very beginning that something was wrong with sasuke.  she was the one who was with him when he had that semi-dissociative episode during the bells test.  she was the one who was with him during all the curse mark stuff in the forest of death.  she was the one who knew something was off when he challenged naruto to a fight - naruto was just psyched that sasuke wanted to “spar” with him!  and SHE was the one who suspected that sasuke might do something as drastic as leave the village - naruto explicitly told her not to worry; that sasuke was totally fine; he would never ever do something like that!

like - the show already barely gives sakura anything for herself; now they try to take this away from her, too?  and give it to naruto?  to hammer in a kind of connection between naruto and sasuke that demonstrably did not exist??  (i’m not saying that naruto and sasuke don’t have their own important relationship!  but it is just provably untrue that naruto was the person who understood sasuke best.  shonen jump goes out of its way to demonstrate how clueless naruto is about what sasuke is really like and what he’s going through.  naruto is SHOCKED that sasuke would go to orochimaru.  he doesn’t realize that their fight on top of the hospital is anything more than their usual rivalry business.  when sasuke pops out of the coffin behind kimimaro, naruto waves and starts laughing, because he thinks sasuke is still on their side and is going to run right home!  and even in shippuden, when naruto hears that orochimaru is dead, he gets all excited and goes “so sasuke must be on his way back to the leaf village!!! :D”  like.  he just doesn’t get it.)

and i won’t really get into kakashi’s side of things here, because i would end up writing too much, but suffice to say that i am just...wary of the way it feels like recent parts of the show are trying to minimize or...push aside the real, textually-documented connections that kakashi and sakura had with sasuke in favor of “Only Naruto Can Help!”  it frustrates me.  kakashi made inroads with sasuke that neither of the kids ever achieved.  sasuke talks to kakashi in a more honest way than he ever does with either of his peers, even when he’s out of his head with rage.  and i would prefer to see this show taking the angle that all three of sasuke’s team members are going to be indispensable for saving him.  

you know.  like teamwork.

[fallintosanity]

24 and/or 35

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

I wish I was better at one-shots, but I’m a verbose writer and tend to produce multi-chaptered works despite my best efforts. 😅

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

(I was trying to think about something related to any of my Final Fantasy WIPs that I could ramble about, but honestly everything there is spoilery and/or something I’ve rambled about before. So!)

I think there’s only one or two people who follow me who know anything at all about Promare but I’ll absolutely take this opportunity to ramble about the fact that I actually want to write a shipfic for once in my life and it’s a dumb angsty h/c Lio/Galo post-canon fic where Lio is slowly dying without the Promare around and Galo, being the precious idiot himbo he is, doesn’t realize it until it’s almost too late. But I really just wanna write Lio-Mais-Guierra brotp shenanigans and sassy drama queen Lio* and oblivious sweetheart Galo and somehow it ends up well except for Galo getting in trouble with Mais and Guierra because they’re worried about Lio whoops

*fanon has Lio as this shy little cutesy shrinking violet boi and like. HAVE YOU SEEN HIS INTRO IN THE MOVIE HE MAKES HIMSELF A THRONE AND MANSPREADS ON IT. he BLEW UP A VOLCANO AND BECAME A DRAGON WITH THE FORCE OF HIS RAGE. when Galo was about to punch him, he GRABBED GALO’S FIST AND SAID LET’S BURN THE WHOLE WORLD like Lio is extra as fuck he’s just more sophisticated about it than precious firefighting idiot Galo

Ask me stuff!

[five-wow]

10.01 thoughts (or basically a rambly recap, very spoilery, with a lot of caps lock abuse) under the cut!!! :D

JERRY’S BEEN SHOT. that’s not actually a surprise at this point in any way, but oh gosh, poor guy. “it hurts more than i thought it would.” oh no. :c

i’m confused though - grover’s there calling an ambulance, jerry is bleeding, steve is keeping pressure on the wound, but where’s danny? clutching his heart out of frame? OH WAIT he could be arresting ezra hassan, i suppose?

on screen: 2 weeks later. jfdkfjdk they resolved that cliffhanger in like, under thirty seconds.

love jerry’s longer curly hair! REALLY LOVE that jerry and junior are playing battleship, omg.

jerry thought about HIS DND BUDDIES WHEN HE GOT SHOT. i love him. (i’m also both worried about his mental health and glad they’re showing him actually feeling some repercussions from getting shot, aside from the flesh wound.)

tani and junior!!! are going to the opera!!! wonderful, i’m into it.

AH. here we have steve on his date, omfg. it all looks so pretty - the background, the restaurant, the date, steve. REALLY AWKWARD conversation though, fjdkfd. steve’s been hanging with danny too much - as soon as someone asks “what are you thinking” he just opens up his heart.

“it’s just crazy, you know. things that happen at work.” FDJKFDJF i’m glad he’s seeing that AFTER NINE YEARS.

DANNY CALLS. i’ve seen the clips that were drifting around tumblr, so i knew it was going to happen, but still. DANNY CALLS. IN THE MIDDLE OF STEVE’S DATE.

“i think it’s best,” steve says, about taking a phone call from danny while he’s in the middle of a first date with a really pretty woman who seems very kind about his total awkwardness, oh BOY

the WAY danny says “hi” just already has me in stitches. i die. and then steve’s “dude! i don’t know.” he sounds so frustrated! poor guy.

“words are kinda just, they’re falling out of my mouth, i don’t know why.” OH STEVE. also: that’s 80% of all fic in which steve finally confesses his feelings to danny ever. thank you, canon, for giving us a steve who is canonically prone to this.

“do you have any game at all?” danny asks, of steve, WHO HE IS CALLING IN THE MIDDLE OF A DATE. the co-dependency here is HIGH and it’s probably unhealthy but i’m enjoying it a lot, truly.

okay so, steve says “you’ve called twice, we haven’t even ordered!” and then DANNY SAYS “if you answered my texts, i wouldn’t have to call” and that’s just ALL SO BAD. they are TERRIBLE together and that woman should probably run far away.

danny! way to build up steve’s confidence on this date by telling him his thing is awkward and messing things up, holy shit.

I’M SCREAMING. “that was danny. who i love. very much.” I AM YELLING. YES. GOOD. PREMIUM CONTENT.

just. i love “i love you”s, okay. i love them. we got one (1) in s9 at the end of 9.01, but we’re off to a good start now in 10.01, with steve telling his frigging date that he loves danny, oh my.

IT GOT WORSE. i paused like, in the middle of steve’s sentence, and then as soon as i hit play the date said “sounds like my ex” and steve says “you know, it’s funny that you say that, because it’s kind of like a marriage” and uh, hello steve, i made a gifset about that the day before yesterday, thank you for giving me an update, but also just. wtf. wtf holy shit

i. i just. this is supposedly steve on a date with a woman being all heterosexual, but it’s really an extremely mcdanno scene, like ten times more than i was prepared for, wow.

real talk though, i’m almost certain this relationship isn’t going anywhere, but this woman seems really cool!!! i love her so far.

tani is actually enjoying the opera and junior seems to be paying more attention to her than the stage and i have no idea if this is actually an officially official date between them or if they’re still “just friends”, but it’s all so cute. and then, of course, some anonymous guy shows up with a sketchy briefcase that’s inevitably going to contain weapons, but oh well, it was nice for how long it lasted.

a slightly updated intro!!! katrina law is already in it (which i like) and the new group shot is kind of crowded but really nice, but fjdkfdjkdf they chose a really awkward moment where adam is supposedly typing something on the tech table but he’s REALLY OBVIOUSLY just randomly tapping his fingers on it. that’s going to haunt me. oh dear show runners, why.

danny... says steve was blowing his date, as they arrive on the crime scene that junior and tani found, and steve says he has a second date and danny goes “you got a second date?” incredulously and almost dismayed and that just really sounds like he WANTED steve to blow it. what is this, danny, setting steve up with a pretty woman from steve’s school to test him? see if he’ll say no and fall in your arms instead, and when he doesn’t, you’re disappointed?

even the lighting in this random stairwell gun fight chase scene is kind of pretty! the blue and red? i like it.

oh NO, steve, you’re not even ten minutes into a new season and you’re chasing some suicidally parcouring bad guy across roof tops and into a jump that’s REALLY going to give danny a heart attack, jesus.

fdjkfd danny telling steve that ten years ago he would’ve made that jump? telling him he’s forty? i’m not sure if that’s kind of mean or really good, but it might be both.

plot stuff happens, but i keep getting distracted by all the grey in steve’s beard and his new, longer hair. it’s good.

i like quinn’s introduction!!! i really do, more than i’d expected. and honestly, that déjà vu thing lenkov was talking about is very faint to me, to the point where it’s mostly just there because danny says it out loud in the text and then forcibly makes it so. they’re not in steve’s garage, it’s the wrong car they’re standing next to, there are three people instead of two and there’s no “one, two, three” and showing badges, but steve yeets his badge over the windshield of the car in quinn’s direction. the similarity isn’t that strong.

danny going “i gotta follow him” about steve and “i don’t know [shrugs]” about where they’re going is beautiful.

i’m about halfway through the episode now and steve and danny have spent SO MUCH time together and it’s really good but also has me slightly worried that they’re pushing all the steve&danny content for the entire season in one episode, omg. it’s good, though. i’m happy for now.

adam is still doing yakuza stuff. i get it, because it’s the one big thing they’ve given his character, but i do get kind of tired of it. he’s supposedly out, but every time they need it for plot reasons, he still has connections somewhere that are willing to help him for whatever reason.

and then quinn shows up and pulls a gun on adam, fjdkfd. listen, i know i said i was getting tired of him doing the yakuza thing over and over, but shooting him would be a little drastic.

danny: “this is good, we’re chasing a monster truck. that’s totally normal, right?” how is it that NOW they’re both suddenly realizing their lives are kind of crazy? they weren’t crazy before, guys? guys??

HAH, the guy in the truck drives over a dozen cars. that’s ridiculous, but a lot of fun, omg.

danny, when he finds tani and quinn in the same room at hq: “oh good, you two have met.” YES. MY SENTIMENTS. except i’m perhaps a little more exuberant about it. TWO MAIN FEMALE CHARACTERS IN ONE SCENE YES GOOD I LIKE THIS. we haven’t had this since... season 4, maybe? when catherine was briefly part of the team?

oh SHIT. danny: “are you sure you’re not related to steve in any way?” okay SO. we’re all assuming quinn is steve’s new love interest, but quinn being steve’s secret half sister somehow? also nonsense, but nonsense i’d like. and i mean, they need to keep the mcgarrett family drama alive somehow, so this could be fun.

quinn: “can’t this thing go any faster? [steve looks at her weird] what?” steve: “nothing. just never had that complaint before.” that is a LIE. i know for a fact that that’s a lie, because i have a stupid amount of knowledge of h50 of the top of my head and one of the things i know is that in 8.01 tani pops up between steve and danny while she’s in the backseat of the camaro and ALSO asks if it doesn’t go any faster. i know what they’re going for here, setting quinn and steve up as equals, and i like what they’re trying to tell us about quinn as a character in theory but come on, if you’re trying to convince us steve is all impressed by this woman that you might be setting him up with romantically, at least do some continuity fact checking on your own show, guys.

anyway! i do like that it’s canon that all women in five-0 think the camaro isn’t fast enough. get wrecked, steve and danny, HA.

when steve said to the bad guy “my friend lou here is going to put some handcuffs on you” i thought at first that he said “liu”, as in quinn’s last name, and oh man, first they had tani and junior’s last names as rey and reigns, which was close enough, but now they have lou and liu, gosh.

!!! this talk between steve and quinn in front of kamekona’s?? i LIKE IT. A LOT. we get to know a little more about quinn and steve genuinely does treat her as an equal and a capable colleague and there’s nothing especially romantic about this, which is good this early on even if they’re doing that later because i do feel like it could possibly work but right now it would just be really weird and very forced and i’m just really relieved that’s the dynamic they’re going for. this, this is good.

OH BOY. “we’re breaking up with you, danny” steve says. i... wow.

FAIR THOUGH. it’s probably a REALLY GOOD idea of steve to maybe involve danny a little less in his dating life if he wants to, well, actually have one that’s viable for life, but oh GOSH. danny going “you can’t cut me out” when steve tells him this? danny is just. so interested in steve’s romantic life, damn.

tani: “mom and dad are fighting again.” fdjkfdjk YES. this time it’s not even junior saying this to eddie behind steve and danny’s back, it’s just tani saying it out loud to the entire group and nobody says anything about it so uhhh that’s accepted fact then, within the team. GOOD.

ohhhh jerry is leaving. also not a real surprise and it’s probably kind of good that the team doesn’t endlessly keep growing if quinn joins this season, but ahh, i’m sad, anyway.

GROUP HUG. i love EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS.

oh gooood, somebody put a bomb in the champ box in steve’s garage. that’s harsh.

final thoughts: i LIKED THIS. very much!!! i’m relieved about that, tbh, because at least i’m happy about the start of the season, which seems like a good sign, haha. i love quinn so far, there was REALLY GREAT mcdanno stuff in this, i love that steve is dating again, tani and junior seem to be dating, jerry is fairly healthy and happy - all around lots of good stuff.

i do kind of think that cliffhanger from last season got extremely little attention (we didn’t even see ezra hassan get arrested, and what happened to her kid? where was danny? idk it was weirdly short and quick), but it’s still possible they’re coming back to that in a later episode, idk.

[blackjack-15]

The Hand(print) of Fate — Thoughts on: Secret of the Scarlet Hand (SSH)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

Unique to this game is a section in between Suspects and Favorite Things, titled “The Hardy Boys”. The content it covers should be fairly obvious.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: SSH, SCK, mostly non-spoilery mention of TMB and DOG, National Treasure, very spoilery mention of Agatha Christie’s The ABC Murders.

The Intro:

Secret of the Scarlet Hand is the game that introduces one of Nancy’s most enduring and obvious character traits — her interest in ancient cultures. This comes up again in TMB, where Nancy once again chooses to do an internship, and once again it surrounds an ancient culture.

 Given that, going forward, Nancy mostly gets “chosen” for her cases, rather than stumbling upon them and choosing to solve, the times when Nancy does make a choice are important for establishing (and re-establishing) her character.

SSH is also the game where Nancy starts being “tested”. It’s not quite as overt as some of the other games, but the culprit does call Nancy into their office at the very beginning of the game, worried that someone will steal from the Beech Hill Museum. 

While we know from the tagline on the outside of the box that we’ll be catching a thief (more on that tagline below) so this isn’t a huge spoiler, it does show how the culprit is setting up Nancy to be tested — to answer their one question; can she stop them?

She can, of course, not the least of which because the culprit is obvious. However, this isn’t a negative part of the game — because for the first time, the culprit is obvious to Nancy as well as the player. Heck, everyone else in the game figures it out too — what they’re lacking is concrete evidence, not knowledge. 

But this is a mystery game — this is a Nancy Drew game — so why would the devs not care that everyone knows the culprit from the very beginning?

Mostly because that’s not the main mystery in the game. Even the handprint — which should be the main mystery, because it’s on the cover and in the title, right? — is a borrowed clue, or a forged signature, if you’ll allow the pun. 

The mystery isn’t who stole the Pacal carving, or who pushed (if anyone) Henrik down the temple stairs, or any other mild mystery that the game sets up. This game isn’t even technically a mystery— instead, as we’re told first thing, it’s about secrets.

This is a game about secrets, lies, and above all, the little inter-personal squabbles going on against the backdrop of a museum exhibit opening. Nancy’s puzzling out who hates who and why, who likes who and why, who each of these people really are at their core, and how this information can help her catch the culprit in the act. 

This isn’t a whodunnit, or a howdunnit— it’s a howcatchem, which is fitting when your villain isn’t a murderer or mischief maker, but a smuggler. Generally, smugglers are well known to the police and other organizations; the problem lies not in identifying them, but catching them.

This is further proved by the Historical B-Plot, which once again doesn’t contain a mystery about who killed the Whisperer, but rather focuses on the relationship between the King and the Whisperer, and how secrets ultimately work to both kill (anciently) and save (in the present day).

Come to think of it, maybe this game should have been called “Secrets Can Kill”, and SCK should have been called “the one where murder is taken Lightly and Awfully and also there’s no puzzles”.

The Whisperer is an incredibly important character, not just because she also knew the value of secrets and knowledge, and was ultimately killed for it, but also because she’s one of the few examples of a theme that becomes omnipresent in the later games — she’s a shadow of Nancy. A woman who knows secrets, who is hunted and ultimately hurt by those whose secrets she knows. The game makes this comparison obvious by the end when, like the Whisperer herself, Nancy is shut inside the monolith.

Fate is the other big player in this game (though I’ll get into this later), thematically speaking. The fate of secrets, as popularized by the well-known aphorism “two can keep a secret if one of them is dead”, is to get out. The secret of the smuggling operation tries its best to get out over and over, resulting in Henrik’s fall and amnesia, Joanna’s temporary firing, Alejandro’s machinations, and, of course, ends with Nancy in the monolith.

Outside of the story, I’ll give mad props for this game being an excellent representation of an understaffed museum before a big opening. Sure, the whole thing is an ADA nightmare (all those stairs, the basement portion, etc.), but the game came out in 2002, before a lot of buildings etc. had to be ADA-compliant. 

People running around, unpaid interns doing the heavy lifting, red tape everywhere — the game embraces these realities of opening a new exhibit on a shoestring staff and budget, and it’s fun to see.

I’d be remiss in not acknowledging the importance of Secret of the Scarlet Hand as the first game in what I call the “Expanded” series of Nancy Drew games, moving on from the “Classic” series that covers games 1-5. In the “Expanded” games, which runs roughly from SSH through SHA, Her Interactive pushes the envelope, relying on their now-established patterns and tropes, but also working on making the games bigger, more immersive, more detailed, and more complicated. 

Here in SSH, the locations are bigger and more detailed, your list of phone contacts is longer, the amount of puzzles expands (especially compared to FIN), and the story has a bit more depth and nuance — a good option considering the game is somewhat longer than the first 5 (especially SCK and FIN).

SSH is also important because it’s the first game where the Nancy Drew Universe is really established. 

We have our first mention/appearance of Prudence Rutherford, a character who appears in or is referenced in several games, establishing a canon of celebrities/socialites in the Nancy Drew Universe. There’s also Krolmeister and, perhaps most strikingly, Sonny Joon, whose escapades (and drawings) first appear here. 

With the addition of these and of the Hardy Boys (much more on them later), Her Interactive shows that they’re interested in creating a universe rather than one-shot style games. This trend should hardly surprise anyone who knows that this is also the first game where Her Interactive is an independent distributor. With full creative (and distributive) license, Her became wholly free to build the kind of Universe that we know and love and associate with the Nancy Drew games — and the kind of Universe that the games needed in order to really come into their own.

The final section of this absurdly long intro is going to focus on possibly the most important thing SSH gave us: the Hardy Boys. As they’re introduced in this game (through Bess and George), the Hardy Boys are friends of Nancy who haven’t seen her for a while and show up at Bess and George’s place (or rather, one of their houses), crashing into the game with all the elegance of….well, the Hardy Boys.

This introduces the only voice actor who’s voiced their character from first appearance to present day: Rob Jones, voice of Joe Hardy. Joe’s voice is as iconic as Nancy’s herself, combining smarts with a youthful brightness and a high-energy, can do attitude. It’ll be a few games yet before Frank’s voice settles into the best-known incarnation by Jonah Von Spreecken (who debuts in Danger By Design), but the Hardy Boys’ characters are pretty well set in this game: logical, practical, and studious (though slightly anxious) Frank, and laid-back, action-oriented, and conspiracy-enthusiast Joe.

All in all, Secret of the Scarlet Hand keeps to the solid Nancy Drew formula while adding a few key new items that themselves become part of the Expanded formula. 

It paves the way for the next section of Nancy Drew games and is, if you don’t have access to MHM or TRT, the single best starting point in the Nancy Drew series. Polished, engaging, and always entertaining, SSH is a fascinating and fun addition to a burgeoning series.

The Title:

The title of this game — Secret of the Scarlet Hand — is a bit of a difficult one. It begs the question what is the secret of the scarlet hand, but doesn’t do much in the way of answering it.

The game isn’t shy about showing us the titular scarlet hand; it’s displayed proudly where the Pacal carving is stolen. It’s much shyer about telling us the titular secret, building up the handprint as a Big, Symbolic Clue but never really satisfying the player’s curiosity about it.

There’s more to the handprint than that, but that’ll be covered in the section immediately below.

The other odd thing about the title is that it’s very indeterminate. In SCK, there’s a person who finds out secrets, and is killed — a rather point-blank title. STFD is an obvious pun on “stay tuned” in a television sense, and is easily understood that way. Both MHM and TRT refer to a definite noun within a location, and FIN takes us back to puns/wordplay. SSH, however, has an indefinite subject tied to another noun, and thus is far less grounded.

The indeterminate nature of the title could represent the distractions in Nancy’s way. Ostensibly, she’s just there to help the museum in its build-up to the opening of the Maya exhibit in her capacity as an intern, but that motivation gets cast aside as soon as things start going wonky — aka, beginning with the culprit’s “worry” that the museum will get robbed, and then solidified by the Pacal carving being stolen.

Along the way, Nancy is distracted by everything: taking care of the museum, solving Sonny Joon’s riddles, interrogating suspects, Henrik’s fall, provenance, Joanna’s departure, the Hardy Boys — the list goes on and on. 

Perhaps the indeterminate title is to tell the players that the titular secret is supposed to stay a secret — that while Nancy works out every other secret in the game, the secret of the scarlet hand is just that — a secret.

The MysterySecret:

While there’s no real mystery at the beginning — beyond how a HS graduate from the suburbs of Chicago gets an internship with a Large museum in DC without any credentials besides “I fight crime” — there are secretsfrom the very beginning, starting with the silhouetted Nancy in the cutscene with Joanna. 

HER wanted to show off what they could do, and they did it with panache, making the camera its own character rather than Nancy’s eyes, at least for a scene.

The secrets pile up, however, with the monolith in a box, Sinclair warning you about other thefts around the world, the question of if the Pacal carving/monolith are acquired legally or not, the disappearance of the carving, Sonny Joon, the smuggling ring, “Big Bunny”, Henrik’s fall…the list goes on and on.

The tagline for these games often help spell out the “big mystery” of the game. The tagline for this game is “expose buried secrets and catch a thief red-handed”, but does this actually happen?

Nancy does expose several secrets that are “buried” in some form. The mystery of the Pacal carving theft is buried in Henrik’s memories; the Whisperer is buried in the monolith; the final piece Nancy needs is buried in the painting in Sinclair’s office; the answers to the quizzes are buried in the museum. So definite props for the first half of the tagline — which pretty much spells out the first half/three-fifths of the game.

But what about “catch a thief red-handed”?

There are indeed thieves afoot, and Nancy does catch them, in all fairness. She catches the “thief” that steals the Pacal carving and the thief looking to steal the secrets of the monolith. But the phrase “red-handed” is obviously a reference to the titular “Scarlet Hand” (as well as a recognizable aphorism in English), and therein lies the trouble.

The true secret — or mystery, if you like — in this game is what the “scarlet hand” means, and to figure that out, we have to first dive into the significance of a handprint.

Handprints are usually a signature or an identifier – we fingerprint everyone from felons to teachers, and so the primary use of the word “handprint”, whether literal or figurative is to denote a signature.

The word “signature” when involved with crime, however, takes on a slightly different meaning; a “signature” here is an identifying behavior or “quirk” that a criminal has that differentiates their crimes from other criminals’. The obvious corollary that follows from a criminal’s signature and the phrase “red-handed” is the metaphor of “blood on the hands”. All of these sayings mark a specific crime performed by a specific person.

Except that’s not the case here.

When Sinclair is mentioning the other thefts that have him “worried” about thefts at Beech Hill, the red handprint comes up here as a specific signature, seemingly appearing like clockwork when the Pacal carving is “stolen”. 

Except it’s not the same culprit at all. 

Like the culprit in Agatha Christie’s The ABC Murders committing three murders to conceal the only murder he had motive to commit, Henrik uses the red handprint as a smokescreen, trying to make it seem as if the theft is one of many (so it won’t be questioned) rather than an act of attempting to save the carving by stealing it first.

In this way, the handprint is a mask, serving to identify the culprit without actually identifying him at all. One of the greatest parts of the mystery/secret behind the game is that the handprint is a forgery, confusing the lines of proof just enough to make the player take a step back and think.

In the Introduction, I mentioned that Fate plays a big part in the overall plot of this game, and it’s here that fate really comes into its place of importance.

From the beginning, the Pacal carving is “fated” to be stolen, so much that when it happens it’s not really a surprise as much as a signal to the player that the introductory part of the game is over. 

It’s a joke both in- and out-of-universe that Nancy is fated to find mystery wherever she goes, which adds another nail in the pre-determined nature of her internship.

It’s the unchanging fate of secrets that leads Sinclair to bustle around attempting to stop any hint of his smuggling operation from getting out while at the same time watching Nancy carefully as she solves the mysteries and exposes the secrets that he needs to get his hands on the secret of the monolith.

Nothing shows the hand of fate more, however, than Sinclair not actually being caught by Nancy. The Poetic Trio reciting their end-of-game lyrics simply say that the villain is stewing in his own miscalculations, and, other than giving him the wrong "treasure”, Nancy has absolutely nothing to do with Sinclair being caught. 

Fate ultimately has more power than even Nancy in this game, leaving her not to “catch a thief red-handed”, but simply giving her the opportunity to “expose buried secrets”.

It’s a solid mystery from beginning to end, as Nancy tries to figure out how Sinclair could have pulled off the theft before realizing that it wasn’t Sinclair after all. Joanna and Alejandro do their best to muddy the waters and distract Nancy (and through Nancy, the player) just long enough to make the game feel like a true adventure.

The Suspects:

  Joanna Riggs is the first person you meet in the game in an opening cinematic meant to show off what the game engine could do and to tease us with a silhouette shot of Nancy.

She’s also the least-impactful character in the game, which should stand as a testament to how good this game is with its inclusion of characters into the plot. Joanna’s in charge, basically, and gives Nancy her go-fer tasks until the Pacal carving is stolen.

She’s supposed to be a bit “quirky”, with her non-sensical Latin and her whining to Nancy about how the only thing worse than a highly prized and expensive carving going missing is her mom leaking her prom photos onto the internet (a v weird thing to equate, honestly), but she’s also the most innocent of the bunch, as her only crimes are over-spending on an artifact that the museum really couldn’t afford, and having the worst taste in employees/business associates ever.

As a culprit, Joanna wouldn’t have been a bad pick — it’d be a basic case of theft-for-insurance-money — but she’s certainly the most boring option, so I’m glad that she’s got nothing to do with it. That kind of a crime really wouldn’t fit the Hardy-Boys-aesthetic that’s going on in SSH anyway.

Henrik Van Der Hune is the employee in charge of glyph translation and the man who apparently was the sexual awakening of quite a few of the Clue Crew. He’s also a recent addition to the staff after he heard of their new Mayan exhibition pieces, so I can’t for the life of me figure out why he wasn’t the immediate suspect for the police, especially since it’s his handprint.

Henrik did a bit of a National Treasure-level spoof on the cops, stealing the carving first so that it wouldn’t get stolen later. He orders the cinnabar to make the handprint in Joanna’s name (really Henrik?? Like you didn’t know it was Sinclair all along?? Why??) and pulls off a moderately daring heist, considering he works 50 feet down the hallway from the carving.

Of course, if this were to come to light, the game would be over with no real bad guy nor tension, so Henrik takes a fall down the Insanely Dangerous replica stairs and winds up with a bad case of the forgetsies. At 61 years old, he’s lucky he didn’t bust his hip.

Henrik is a culprit, but he’s not the culprit, which is good, because I’m not sure that HER had the time or space to tackle the moral issue of a thief who loses their memory and can’t technically be tried for a crime that they didn’t knowingly commit.

They definitely could have tried, but I don’t think it would have worked.

As a culprit, Henrik could have worked, but there’s just not enough time to have him fake-steal and then steal for real. It would have been cool to have him be faking amnesia and sneaking out of the hospital to Burgle…but it would have taken a more advanced game engine and a much longer game to pull it off.

Alejandro Del Rio is an ambassador who works at the Mexican Consulate and is the epitome of “just because you’re technically right doesn’t mean you’re actually correct”. 

While he’s right in that a ton of artifacts were stolen from Mexico (and other countries, but honestly he only cares about Mexican artifacts), but he’s incorrect in blaming Joanna and others like her, since those thefts didn’t happen in the number and scale that he’s referring to by 2002 (as opposed to, say, British archaeology in the early 20th century, as is touched on in TMB), and Joanna acquired the artifacts legally.

His cause is right, but blaming those who aren’t responsible does him no good — and can actually hurt him, as is the case in the game, where no one really takes him seriously.

He’s also an uptight, rather humorless character, but has a touch of Devilry about him (he’s not above blackmail, for example, or “trading information”) that makes him slightly different from Jeff Akers in DOG.

Alejandro’s biggest claim to fame is in fanfic, where, like in canon, he is Totally banging Joanna, and is apparently Very Physically Gifted. Good on you, Alejandro.

As a culprit, Alejandro would have been a rather hackneyed choice, as he’s the one who’d obviously steal the carving and monolith to transport it back to where it came from. It would also include giving him more to do in a game than setting up his Hate-FWB to take a call for something he, in all honesty, knew she didn’t do.

Taylor Sinclair is an art dealer with facial hair that’s sort of a grotesque work of art in and of itself, and also happens to be the culprit. He also has a CrimeFursona named “Big Bunny”, which is honestly enough to lock him up and throw away the key.

Sinclair is part of the black market and is looking to sell the carving and the secrets of the monolith in order to make it rich, which is a pretty standard motive, but is notable for including smuggling in a Nancy Drew game rather than a Hardy Boys novel, so that’s a point for him.

SSH is a howcatchem, so Sinclair’s real job in the game is to avoid leaving behind proof — and he does an excellent job. Granted, Henrik steals the Pacal carving before he can manage it, but until he shuts Nancy in the monolith and takes (what he thinks is) the treasure, there’s no piece of physical evidence to tie him to his crimes.

But, like all egotists, Sinclair’s failure comes because he just couldn’t resist being a cackling madman.

As a culprit, Sinclair’s perfect for this game. He’s slimy, untrustworthy, and pretty much everything you imagine a smuggler to be. He doesn’t really need any fleshing out beyond what he already has, because he lurks in the shadows for most of the game, only appearing when he has to in order to get information.

The Hardy Boys:

Honestly speaking, the Hardy Boys are the most important “innovation” of this game, and are the addition that really created the Nancy Drew games as we know and love them today.

Not only do the Hardy Boys establish that Nancy isn’t alone in this universe — that there are others her age out there like her, who solve mysteries and catch bad guys — but they also give the game regular phone friends who are established as capable of helping Nancy solve anything she asks for. 

This makes a lot more sense than Bess/George/Ned suddenly becoming Super Sleuths, and frees up Ned/Bess/George to offer help and have dialogue more appropriate to their increasingly-fleshed-out characters.

And that’s the real benefit to the Hardy Boys: they allow for varied characterization for Nancy’s friends. 

Before this game, Bess/George/Ned have all been indistinguishable from each other, possibly excepting Bess’ lame puns. From this game on, each reoccurring phone friend has their own personality, their own quirks, and their own areas of expertise.

Also, I adore the Hardy Boys (and have since I was small), so it’s great to see them semi-regularly. I love that sometimes you call them together, sometimes it’s one or the other, sometimes they appear in game…it’s really nice to have these characters to lean on and provide entertainment and freedom to the Nancy Drew world and formula.

On a final note, I don’t find it to be a coincidence that this is the first game with the Hardy Boys and that it’s also the most Hardy Boys-eque game so far (smuggling plots, false thefts, a suspect nearly dies and then decides to help out, the Hero Detective is trapped with no obvious means of escape, etc.). It’s a nice nod to the source material, and I appreciate it.

The Favorites:

I love the focus here on knowledge and on the quizzes as Nancy learns with the player. It’s one of the few games to truly be “edutainment” in the sense that it was meant back in the early 2000s, and I really do adore the pure and unbridled appreciation for learning in this game.

The puzzles in SSH are well-placed and make sense as part of the museum exhibit, allowing for the classic puzzles that Nancy Drew games (and players) know and love without having them feel kitschy or out of place.

Hands down my favorite thing in this game is how much characterization it features. Nancy’s in fine form, as are Bess and George, and the Hardy Boys, but even minor characters like Franklin Rose and Poppy Dada and Prudence Rutherford all have their own unique voices, problems, motivations, and secrets. 

The four suspects are well-introduced and fleshed out, and do things simply for their own reasons rather than attempting to sound suspicious for the developers’ sake. It’s a great trend, and one that continues to grow (despite a few misses) as the series goes on.

Hat-tip to the Hardy Boys again here. I’ve said really all I want to say, but it’d be lying to not include them in the list of my favorite things about this game.

Sonny Joon is a great little easter egg (albeit a retroactive easter egg) and I thoroughly enjoy his presence in the game. “Hurricane Sonny” blows in and sticks around for the rest of the series, and it’s a joy to experience.

The best puzzle in the game…I really enjoy the audio quiz thing, but I get how it wouldn’t be other people’s cuppa. I’m gonna go ahead and say that it’s figuring out how to get the last artifact from the Poppy Dada painting, as it requires you do jump through just the right amount of hoops, and gives you some hilarious conversations while you’re figuring it out.

The best moment in this game hands-down is when Prudence Rutherford insinuates that she killed her mother-in-law for the necklace. It’s hilarious.

The Un-Favorites:

There are, however, a few things about this game that make it into the least-favorite category.        

Collecting the packages with the different artifacts is almost wholly reliant on luck and patience, and it can be extremely annoying to have to go to sleep and wake up 4/5 times in a row before the final package arrives. As this would be an easy fix, it sticks out especially in my mind as being a pointlessly annoying thing.

Taylor Sinclair’s tie. No art dealer would wear that. It looks like a bottle of mustard and a placenta had a baby.

I do hate (as noted below in the Fix section) that you can only call certain people on certain phones. Phones don’t work that way — not even back in 2002 — and it is frustrating to have to travel back and forth or wait for morning to make a game-progressing phone call.

The worst puzzle in the game in my opinion is probably lugging the monolith stones around, because it really bothers me that if you take the shortest path, Nancy drops them, but if you take a slightly longer path, she’s totally fine. 

While I can see how the quizzes might cause some people problems, if you take notes like the game encourages you to do (I remember taking notes in a spiral notebook for the first…10 games, about? Until we moved to sticky notes, because as me and my sister got much older, we didn’t need to write down as much), the quizzes are a walk in the park.

The worst moment in the game (which is still a great moment, just definitely my least favorite) is when the sirens go off in the museum. It’s loud, obnoxious, and Joanna just APPEARING suddenly makes me jump every time. It’s a testament to how good this game is that this is the worst moment I can think of.

The Fix:

So what fixes does SSH need?

Honestly, not many.

It’d be great to simplify the phones, so that any person you can call on one phone you can call on any phone (avoid the travel back and forth from the hotel to the museum, in other words), and to have deadlines or exact moments for package delivery so that you’re not waiting days (in-game) for the last straggler to show up.

Other than those small quibbles, however, there’s not much that needs fixing or refreshing in SSH. It’s educational, entertaining, difficult enough on the first go-around to keep you on your feet, but not so hard that replay value is lost — and there are no puzzles so bad that they make the game lose replay value, either.

SSH is a great game, both as #6 in the series and as a first game to those who can’t access the Classic Games, and is a delight to play — both the first time and in replays.

[burdenedwithgloriousfandoms]

HTTYD 3 was a heckin great movie and here's my opinion why

(Also why Dreamworks is awesome and my little thank you)

 WARNING SPOILERS (duh) and also lots of ranting. Strap yourselves in kiddos off we go

 - the animation.

Jesus fucking chRIST it's amazing. I'm not over it. Dreamworks I love you this is the best goddamn thing skshsjjsgksjshakkahuebadgfjdkk tHE ANIMATION It was already spectacular in httyd 1 and it's just improved so much I can't even

  Wait lemme go on a rant about why I love Dreamworks so much. Okay so you see the thing with Dreamworks is with each of their animated universes they have a particular style (eg. compare Shrek, HTTYD, Voltron, She-ra... Etc) that they do really well in for that show/movie.

This means that all their stuff isn't the same old thing again and again (ok I don't want this to turn into a Disney vs Dreamworks debate bc A. This is meant to be about httyd anyway - maybe sometime I'll do a post on it... B. I know a lot more and am way more into Dreamworks.... Etc (but Dreamworks is better lmao) but anyway basically I find Disney is really repetitive)

 Another thing about Dreamworks is they A. don't take themselves tooooo seriously and are always ready to try out something weird and new (eg. Shrek lmao) and B. USUALLY try to be inclusive (canonical LGBTQ rep (yes httyd has that!! It's just subtle) (also Shrek) (even more so with newer shows... shE-RAAAAA) (Again I find Disney often doesn't do so well at the above. Correct me if you think I'm wrong but don't shout at me pls) They also have loads of little quirks like the Dreamworks intro thing always being different (not sooo much in the older stuff but still.)

 Ok let's get back to HTTYD im sorry

  -plot n stuff (this is where it gets real SPOILERY and that's your last warning) Ok so some of the plot (mainly the villain showing up out of the blue like a Monster of the Week and not having any background (hE INFERRED HE'D BEEN ON BERK BEFORE DID HE COME FROM THERE I MUST KNOW what was that line meaning help) was a bit meh but the rest of it made up for that a hundred times over.

 Ok so basically I expected to cry. But not in the way I did.

Lately a lot of fandoms have been throwing feels at me, and they've all had a particular style of doing it, so I expected more of that.

The feels I mean are the ones where characters I love are killed or lose stuff in the big battle filled finale (or not finale exactly eg. IW) and I cry a bit but usually that night or the day after because I just feel empty and slightly let down.

 But that's not what we got and I am so damn glad.

 The whole movie wasn't a big enormous dragged-on battle or lead up, and the battle didn't feel like the one in HTTYD 2, which I was glad for (it worked better in that movie than it would have in this). It was also resolved pretty well (fuckkk the scene where Hiccup was falling,,,, Alexa) and there was breathing room (not much but more than we had in IW and VLD) to come to terms with the fact that the fight is done before the movie fucking sucker punched us right in the gut with the dragons leaving.

 Yup, as soon as Hiccup started saying goodbye I broke the fuck down. And cried silently the entire rest of the movie and a lot of the credits.

 But the thing with this is that it gave us an ending that was kind of fulfilling. It was bittersweet. We can cry and mourn this beautiful franchise that has been such a part of our lives with good memories of it going out strong and sad though wonderful.

Yeah I was just waiting for the 'there were dragons when I was a boy' and yeah I cried even more but I was smiling while crying through that whole last scene with the marriage and then especially the scene with Hiccstrid & kiddos meeting Toothless & family again.

That was the fulfilling ending and even though it's so damn sad it was so damn beautiful sorry I'm ranting but still.

 - there were plenty of jokes and funny scenes without becoming too silly or juvenile (which a lot of things fail at) Also jokes for the older fans too (ruff lmao) (and the whole thing with Gobber and Tuff talking to Hiccstrid about getting married) There were plenty of scenes that were just genuinely hilarious and had the whole cinema laughing, which is a very beautiful thing

- I was initially worried about the introduction of the Light Fury especially because when we first saw it I literally went 'that's every 8 year-old's OC dragon why'

But it worked out pretty well, see below for more

 - the movie had romance without being too focused on the whole romance thing (I mostly mean the dragons) I was worried this wouldn't work and be cheesy or whatever but it did pretty good so yay The romance was still quirky and funny and had the whole cinema laughing at times, yet at other times it was just really beautiful (also the damn animation hhhhhh is this true love I feel)

  In the end I just want to say:

Goodbye HTTYD. You've been such a wonderful part of my life and I can't thank you enough. I'll never get over this damn franchise, I love it so much.

Even though [i]of course I want more, I think that here is a perfect place to leave it.

(....though I'm not going to complain if there's little a Christmas episode or maybe a small Netflix show set between httyd 1&2.........)

 So yeah, thank you How To Train Your Dragon. Thank you Dreamworks, the cast and crew. Thank you Cressida Cowell. Thank you Hiccup and Toothless and Astrid and Stoic and every character (apart from Traitor Johann that bitch (also basically everyone who has wanted to kill dragons except for Dagur bc we love him)).

Thank you HTTYD fandom too (you'll always be here and that is a wonderful thing)

 The friend I went it see the movie with and I stayed til the very end of the credits.

I've probably picked up the habit from Marvel... But I like to see the very end of things properly.

There was one other group left at the end, sitting in the very front seats. They were a bunch of teens (varied in age and gender), and when the credits finished, we all stood up and clapped.

 These movies have been part of so many people's lives and for that, I say thank you one last time.

 Goodbye, How To Train Your Dragon <3

  (Also can we please please please have an editors corner or how it was made sorta video for this movie. Love from an animation nerd)

[qelizhus]

wip tag game

moving this to my writeblr, but was tagged by @farrradays, thank you! this is for ‘the odes’, where i need to find a better name and make a wip intro. still. tagging @kaigods @dragonauthor @royal-artichoke @tayluin @explosivebang @melwrotethat if any of yall wanna do it. this is very long, so it’ll be under the cut. i apologize in advance for my answers, my brain is currently fried. 

1. describe the plot in one sentence

girl finds herself distressed after bff dies, goes to great lengths to reunite and/or make bff proud

2. pick one sight, sound, smell, feel and taste to describe its aesthetic 

sight: the sun meeting the horizon

sound: constant movement; the sound of feet marching against the ground

smell: smoke & the memory of home

feel: mist touching skin, the dampness of clothing

taste: hot chocolate powder

3. which 3+ songs would make up a playlist for the novel?

billie eilish - ocean eyes, grandson - things change, two feet - lost the game, svrcina - meet me on the battlefield... probably

4.  what’s the time period and location in which the novel takes place?

takes place on the fictional planet ‘aeon’, sometime not-as-technologically-advanced-as-we-are-now. i haven’t figured out all the time period details yet, lmao. 

5. are there any former titles you’ve considered but have discarded? 

considering this is not even a solid title... no. unfortunately. i’m worried i’m gonna get too attached to ‘the odes’ that i’m not going to be able to find a proper title. 

6. what’s the first line?

“Frélik was not the first of his kind to be born. Far from it, though it was not as if there were many others alive at the moment.”

7. what’s a dialogue you’re particularly proud of? 

i didn’t look very far but: 

““I doubt you’d want me to give you the perfect summary,” she says, dryly. “There’s always some truth to rumours and old folk tales, didn’t you learn? Every—you know, anyone that is born there, they aren’t evaluated. They’re only expected to be perfect; the ideal of purity and kindness and all of those happy traits.” 

 “You weren’t,” he guesses. 

“I wasn’t,” she agrees.”

8. which line from the novel represents it the most? 

these are all so hard to answer

““I like living,” Amara mutters, but no one responds to her comment.” i was debating between this one and a different line, but that one was more spoilery, so i left it. 

9. who are your character faceclaims?

i’ve really only chosen four, but one of the four i can’t find the name of the person, so have at what’s left: 

rylee - chiharu okunugi

myrau - darya dogusheva

frelik - mahesh jadu

10. sort your characters into hogwart houses: 

ooh i really like this one. these are all off the top of my head, but i’ll do it by group: 

gryffindor: tyren, myrau, yara, vare

hufflepuff: rylee, mira, frelik, carena, ter

ravenclaw: ben, arcas

slytherin: riya, amara

11. which character’s name do you love the most?

riya. it’s really cute. (she’s also, like, my fav character out of all of them, so there’s that too.) 

12. describe each character’s outfit. 

can i skip this one? i’m skipping this one. (most of them are deities, so they’re like blobs of mist.)

13. do any of the characters have distinct birthmarks/scars? 

i’ve never really put much thought into the characters’ appearances, so... i don’t know! rylee definitely has scars, as does yara... really, most of the mortal ones. there’s a lot of fighting, so i’d imagine it would be hard to avoid that, much less from general clumsiness. for the deities, i’d go with myrau, if she chooses to keep them around. i think she would hide them for a while, before accepting them. 

14. which character most fits a character trope?

i’m not very knowledgeable about character tropes, admittedly. i will say myrau has a little bit of a ‘found family’ thing going on with amara and vare, though. 

15. which character would be the best writer? worst?

tyren definitely was a great writer. maril--one of the “city elders”--would be a good writer too. the worst... would be rylee. wow, i really don’t seem to think very highly of my main character asdl;fkj

16. which character is the best liar? worst? 

carena is hands down the best liar. yara and myrau might tie for second. i’d say frelik is the worst. sorry, bud. 

17. which character swears the most? least? 

i actually didn’t write any swears into it, so this is interesting to think about. i think ter probably swears the most; he’s a very passionate guy. a little too much, to be honest. mira seems to be the kind of person who tries to avoid swearing as much as possible. 

18. which character has the best handwriting? worst? 

tyren has terrible handwriting. bet. i think ben--a very obnoxious deity--would never have learned to write though, so maybe him. on the other hand, arcas probably has very neat handwriting. 

19. which character is most like you? least like you? 

hmm. i think the way rylee perceives things and comes to decisions is very much like me. amara is very forthright and self-confident, which i personally don’t see in myself. all in all, though, i imagine i share a lot of similarities with most of my characters. 

20. which character would you most like to be? 

i admire riya a lot. she has a good grip on her emotions and pretty rational when making difficult decisions, but cares a lot for those close to her. she’s also pretty independent and self-assured. 

[fullmoonfireball]

OC Recap-thingy???

hecc i put this off for too long 

i dont really know what that anon meant when they requested this, but i hope this’ll do (readmore bc this is gonna be Long)

Crinoline Parisa

Ribbon’s mom

where’s her husband??? we just dont know

she’s doing her Best™ to be a good mom to Ribb

Lace Parisa

Mirror World!Ribbon

an edgy lil shit

very grumpy

why have i never posted a coloured pic of her

Shadeleine Walsh

Mirror World!Adeleine

Probably the OC I fiddle the most with.

She has a really strong Texan accent for some reason??? I don't know why I gave her it

Takes magic lessons from Wiz( that magician guy that no one seems to remember/care about?). As it turns out, their brand of magic is not anything she can pull off.

Works as their assistant sometimes... Even if it can be slightly terrifying because of their methods (their magic lets them make the tricks a bit more than just illusions). Shaddy has gotten cut in half (or more parts) more times than she cares to count.

Actually more interested in drama, but she's taken what she got.

She's good friends with Shadow Kirby! They hang out a lot!

Her name used to be Shado. And yes, that IS pronounced the way it looks like it is. She hated it.

Owns an oversized magenta sweater and wears it at ever chance she gets. Wiz hates it.

there wasn’t originally another character in this picture what are you talking about

Shadow Marx (left)

Mirror World!Marx (no duh)

Mild insomniac. He hates it.

Just wants to sleep, like any other noddy.

Dating Mirror Magolor

May or may not have kept him up with his late-night thoughts a few times.

Syzzle (right)

Mirror World!Gryll

Doesn't care about Star Stacker (or any similar game) in the slightest.

A complete NERD

Probably owns a library or something

Theatra (left)

Mirror World!Claycia

Complete drama queen

Which is good, because she's an actress.

Gay as hell for Shadow Elline

she’s supposed to have horns like Claycia, but I forgot them in this picture

Shadow Elline (right)

Mirror World!Elline (what a shock)

An inkbrush fairy-thing

Writes most (if not all) of Theatra's stuff

Gay as hell for Theatra

the ‘straight man’ of the duo, despite being neither straight nor a man

Mirror Magolor

Mirror World!Magolor (obviously)

An anxious little negg (nerd egg)

A cinnamon roll (unlike his counterpart)

Protect him

Knows nothing about where he came from

Dating Shadow Marx

Slightly annoyed by how much he keeps him up. But he stops rambling... eventually.

More info on him can be found here

Rose Symyva (left) and Violet Larivi (right)

They're married

Rose is pretty chill, Vi's a bit more eccentric.

Don't insult Violet unless you want to face Rose's wrath (which you don't).

I don't know much about them yet, they're mostly just designs.

Typhiste Nirymsu

DEAD (GOOD RIDDANCE)

He was An Ass

Dated Magolor at one point.

Used to be a prince (now he's just dead)

LEMME SMASH

Echo

Also dead, but less so.

Died from electrocution.

Doesn't remember anything about her life, which distresses her.

When she was alive her name was Iris

Updated version of one of my first Kirby OCs 

Niaviri Taysin

Also dead (for real this time)

A good little egg

Was a florist!

v gay with Odalania

Tislora Altryb 

Mags’ mom

v sweet egg

maiden name is ‘Azaress’

was closer to her son than Aparctias was

idk what else to say about her

Aparctias Altryb

Mags’ dad

firm, but kind

taught the egg most of what he knows about magic out of family tradition

also got him started on learning English

Hynwari (left) and Sanfyria (right) Rimaddim

only exist in the Popa AU

super dead, even in the AU 

both of them are Very Short (Sanfyria especially). they could make Meta Knight look like he’s average height

Popopo (the green half of Kirby)’s parents

she’s supposed to have speckles i just forgot them in the original pic

they were specifically targeted to be killed just so their son could be taken from them by Nightmare

Hazel Pesyphomia (left) and Amelia Evitheth-Pesyphomia (right)

MARRIED

Adopted a certain artist as their child.They love that noodle-orb a lot

Amy would absolutely fight you if you were to insult her wife or her kid.

Were honestly really scared the first time one off their kid's drawings came to life

Twila

You know her. She's the one with all of those scarfies.

Spoils those little beasts

Was actually supposed to be trained as a Spynum, not a Simirror, but was more interested in magic than archery.

Lives mostly-alone in the woods.

Amicia Tyopt

technically that’s not actually her in that picture but let’s look past that

as implied above, her body was stolen by sectonia (shown above)

idk anything about her personality yet tbh

Osgifu Amata 

handmaiden moth, in more ways than one

worked for Sectonia Way Back When

deceased

Eglantine Cujoi

Into™ gals

first body stolen by Sectonia

deceased in both body and mind

Kimiko

anime-verse oc

demon beast

just read this it’s got all you’ll need to know about her

Jordan (the one with the spear) and Coral (on top of Jordan)

BWD's siblings

Jordan is their older brother, Coral their younger sister.

He works as one of Dedede's guards. She's too young to work.

Jordan's a little jealous about Taylor (BWD) outranking him, but he's proud of them at the same time.Coral is a little ball of energy.

They were the other Waddle Dees in Dream Collection's intro, and the sleeping Dees with the eye implants next to Bandanna Dee in Robobot( in the modern train level I think?).

Odalania 

Dead

Really freaking good at magic

Lean Bean

Worked for Typhiste's family

Gay™ with Niaviri

also has a casual clothes ref

Magolor (not that one)

yes, every other time ‘Magolor’ has been mentioned I was referring to canon one. i call this one Old Magolor/Classic Magolor/etc. for simplicity

this is who canon mags named himself after

Old and Dead

one of the lor’s previous captains

lorlor

Cymboria Taysin

niaviri’s younger sister

she’s the bigger one

very sweet

good at magic

likes to travel 

often brings foreign flowers back to nia!

Morastrum Altryb/Nirymsu

doesnt exist in the mainverse

a Good Lil Girl

... even if her dads (mags and ty) are both Asses

last name depends on if Typhiste is alive or not

likes sweet foods

Myrdinia

mirror world!drawcia

an automaton made by wiz 

speech has a Low Quality Garble

incredibly bitter over the loss of her sister

always has at least 5 throwing knives on her

Glorious Nebula

really old 

their language shows their age 

how are they still functioning

no one’s really sure how they lost that quarter of their face

used to have one of those shooting star decorations, but it got broken off at some point i totally didnt just forget it

??? (left) 

old and dead

one of the ancients

married to garulin, was very happy with her

probably worked a lot on the clockwork stars, but did help with other artifacts as well

pleasant guy, but not really anything special if you ignore his place in history

Drusorig (middle)

also old and dead

another one of the ancients

i don’t have a proper ref for him, but there is this

he has dark fur, for all that matters

i dont trust him

very strong magic

the master crown was his own personal project

he didn’t trust anyone else with it so i think you can imagine who the subject of his experiments with it was.

destroyed most of the evidence of his experiments before his death so no one would know about them

it worked

Volzavair (right)

also also old and dead

guess who’s also one of the ancients (it’s him)

actually has a proper ref

SHORT

gay, but ended up marrying a woman out of convenience and desire for offspring

relatively weak magic, specialized in technology

worked on the Lor Starcutter, but died before it was completed

his oldest kid probably finished it

Kyneriun Snekell

press ‘f’ to pay respects

sweet pastel boy

loves baking

a little younger than magolor

Dalindia Nirymsu

dead

was queen regnant

could be a pretty strict ruler, but tried to be a just ruler

her husband is dead(er?)

ty’s mom

tried to keep him in line

Tiltaii

i’m not even sure if that should be their name but i’ll just... roll with it

theyre nonbinary

a literal doodlebug (pillbug artist)

painted these portraits

doesnt have any magical abilities unless floating their hands counts

bought Paintra from Paint Roller, and was... pretty surprised, to say the least when she suddenly came to life

regardless of their surprise, they’re trying to take good care of her

???

a honey bee

runs a cafe

very polite, but not a pushover

more or less a design with a few ideas attached at this point

Garulin

married to the unnamed green ancient

technically one of the ancients but not commonly acknowledged as one

pretty good at magic

mostly worked with the artifacts’ ‘mind’s, both through programming and magic

Shadow Sectonia

mirror world!sectonia (what a shock)

floralian jewel wasp

accidentally ended up corrupting other world!sectonia by having too much contact with her

naturally a wasp. hasn’t stolen anyone’s body

she’s too nice to do that

dead. actually got murdered around the same time her counterpart died

spoilery elements below (don’t worry he’s the last OC here)

Shadow Taranza

mirror world!taranza (who would’ve guessed)

overly-loyal

like, ‘would unhesitatingly die for someone he cares about’ kind of loyal

nervous mess, even before Sectonia died. that only worsened things

he’s not okay

[ogwnostalgia]

Cover art by Mike Vosberg

Title: The Secret

Series: Tales From the Crypt

Original Airdate: July 31, 1990

Description: A 12-year-old orphan is adopted by a rich childless couple (William Frankfather and Grace Zabriskie) who harbor a dark secret. However, the couple themselves do not realize that the young orphan has a dark secret of his own.

Note: This wasn’t actually the cover photo I wanted to use, but every screencap I could find was way too spoilery. So instead, enjoy the episode art that the Cryptkeeper shows us going into the episode.

  Nostalgia Time!

Boy, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these full moon werewolf recaps, huh? I’m really slacking on them! But here we have the second of the two whole werewolf episodes Tales From the Crypt ever did, and like the other one, this one also has vampires. Well, who doesn’t like vampires with their werewolves, I guess.

So, I really dig this episode. I know I didn’t include it in my favorites list I published a while back, but for a while I had this episode on constant rotation. Due in part to Larry Drake, whose performances I always enjoy. (RIP. And seriously, he’s the only good thing about Dr. Giggles.) Vampires, werewolves, mysterious goings-on . . . yeah, this episode sells it hard.

Recap

We open, of course, with Cryptkeeper intro. He’s surprisingly sedate (for him, at least), and just makes a few Charles Dickens puns in reference to the copy of Oliver Twist he’s reading. He’s disappointed that there was no twist, because he had such Great Expectations. Yeah. Moving on.

The story opens on a dark and stormy night at the Gaines Orphanage. We follow a young boy in pajamas and a coonskin cap (because this is the 50s? Unclear.) sneaking down the stairs inside. We can hear one woman telling another that these boys can’t be trusted, and we fade out on their conversation as Coonskin Cap makes his way into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. He grabs a chicken drumstick that’s just sitting uncovered by itself on a plate, and puts back just the bone a few seconds later. Ew?

The boy grabs an apple that is also sitting on a plate in the fridge for some fucking reason, and makes his way back out of the kitchen. We can now hear Older Woman telling Younger Woman that the boys cheat off each other’s papers, while Younger Woman protests that she’s never witnessed that. They move out to the room Boy is in as Older Woman says that they have to do something about Theodore – he’s way past the desirable age for adoption. From the indignant look on Boy’s face, we surmise that he is Theodore. He is also hiding pretty much in plain sight under a table.

Younger Woman wants to know what happened to his parents, and Older Woman snaps that she must never mention his parents, or his behavior problems! Well, okay. That’s not super suspicious or anything.

Then Theodore drops the apple, which rolls right up to Older Woman’s feet. Smooth, kiddo.

Older Woman (whose name is Miss Hagstead) drags Theodore out from under the table and accuses him of spying. Nope, he was just hungry, because he’s bigger than the other kids. Miss Hagstead orders Younger Woman to take him back to his room, “and make sure he stays there,” while brandishing a key. I’m pretty sure locking kids in their rooms at an orphanage violates fire codes or something, but sure. Asshole.

Younger Woman (now known as Miss Heather) walks Theodore upstairs while telling him the meal plan for tomorrow, because this kid is apparently a bottomless pit, and much like my little dog, extremely food-motivated. We transition to a shot of clouds revealing a full moon. No werewolf action yet, though. We’re only 4 minutes in, after all.

The next morning, Miss Heather frantically reports to Miss Hagstead that Theodore is gone and his window is open! Miss Hagstead is annoyed, not worried. He throws these temper tantrums sometimes and runs off for a few hours. Oh. Is it always during the . . . full moon . . . ?

Cut to the door opening and Theodore standing on the porch, covered in dirt. Miss Hagstead yells at him, then orders him to the kitchen to help Joey with the dishes. As he walks by, she complains that “it’s getting worse.” Oh . . . ?

Miss Heather rocks up and sends Joey out of the kitchen so she can tell Theo that some people are coming by later tonight and are very interested in meeting him. He knows what this means, right? Well, normally it could mean adoption and happily ever after, but this is Tales From the Crypt, so.

New Mom might have stolen that jacket from Cruella de Vil

Cut to these two weirdos showing up and telling Theo that he’s perfect and they’ll take him. Like he’s a puppy in a store window. Or a tasty veal cutlet at the butcher’s shop. (Spoilers?)

Theo asks what if he doesn’t want to go, and New Mom (Mrs. Colbert) tempts him with living in the lap of luxury – he’ll have his own bathroom and towels with his initials on them! Wow, just what every 12-year-old boy dreams of!

Miss Hagstead, on the other hand, is clearly using every ounce of self-control not to scream, “Now listen you little shit, you’re going! End of story!”

Oh, spoke too soon. Miss Hagstead pulls Theo off to the kitchen to “help her make tea” and proceeds to basically scream exactly that at him. He asks what happened to his real parents, and she says they died when he was just a baby, but refuses to provide details. She tells him the Colberts are “a little eccentric” but they’ll provide him with a lovely home and lots of good, sweet things to eat.

Okay, I was joking about Theo being like a food-motivated dog, but apparently everyone else was dead serious about it. Huh.

There’s a moody shot of Larry Drake, who is the Colberts’ . . . butler? valet? something? and then Theo staring moodily out the back of a car while Miss Heather and the Orphan Boys wave goodbye. Also, the lighting is so blue it’s almost impossible to see what’s happening.

There’s voice over from Mrs. Colbert as they drive away, talking about how wonderful Theo will have it at his new home, and she asks her husband, “Won’t it be wonderful having him?” He replies, “Mmm. Wonderful. Having him.” Yes, yes, this is normal, nothing to worry about!

They pull up to the house and holy shit everything onscreen is so blue I can’t tell what anything looks like, goddamn. Fortunately the interior of the house has normal lighting. I really don’t know what they were thinking with this fucking blue filter, but whatever. Theo comments that it looks like a museum, and as he reaches out to touch a huge . . . urn? vase? a Rottweiler rocks up out of nowhere to bark and growl at him. New Mom tells him he must never touch anything; some of these pieces are very old.

So. We have foster/adoptive parents who have things at touching-height that the kids aren’t allowed to touch, and the presence of Grace Zabriskie? Is this just Child’s Play 2 all over again?

The Colberts and Larry Drake show Theo to his room, which is huge and contains tons of toys, including a model train going around its track and blowing a whistle. Theo turns to thank them, but all the adults have exited the room and locked him in. He runs to look out the keyhole, where New Mom is telling New Dad that he’s been so patient, while Theo calls out asking why they’ve locked him in. They walk off, ignoring him, and now it’s time for Doggie Jump Scare! as the Rottie (Mrs. Colbert called Doggie by name, but I don’t have captions and I can’t for the life of me figure out what she called him) jumps at the door, barking and growling.

Theo falls backwards to the floor, and exclaims, “What did Mrs. Hagstead tell them?!”

Well, Theo, she wanted to get rid of you, so it couldn’t have been that bad.

Theo is woken up the next morning by Larry Drake, AKA Tobias, serving him breakfast in bed. Well, I suppose it’s breakfast in the technical sense of it’s breaking his fast, but it’s all sweets – cake, pie, when Theo asks for milk, Tobias offers him a milkshake. Ooh, does it bring all the werewolves to the yard?

Theo notices there are bars on the windows, and Tobias assures him that there are bars on all the windows – for security. Eh, that might have been weird in the (I’m still not sure but possibly) 1950s, but it doesn’t really raise many eyebrows today.

Cue a montage of Theo playing with all his new toys, and eating enough cakes, eclairs, pie, and milkshakes for it to qualify as a miracle he doesn’t go into diabetic shock. Nope, nothing to worry about here; this isn’t a Hansel and Gretel story, so you should be perfectly safe!

Cut to this new little family all walking around the estate together, and Theo asking why he has to stay in his room all day while the Colberts are at “work.” Mm, work, yes. Definitely work. New Mom answers that Theo is the most precious thing they have, and they can’t risk something happening to him. And Tobias is far too old to be chasing after him in the woods. Umm, Larry Drake was 40 when this episode aired. I turn 39 in less than two weeks. I feel very insulted right now. Not that I want to chase 12-year-olds around in the woods, but still. Very insulted.

Theo goes on to ask if they can go out sometime and do something together like a real family – a movie, roller skating, a ballgame? I’m trying to picture these weirdos on roller skates, and honestly, it’s kinda hilarious. Anyway, they claim they’re busy tomorrow planning a surprise for Theo. It’s a secret, though. Theo hates secrets.

Tobias stares pensively after them as he falls behind with Doggie. At least, I think he does. This blue filter is pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed.

Cut to Tobias bringing Theo yet more junk food for lunch. Somehow, Theo isn’t dying of malnutrition yet. He asks if Tobias can come back and see him before dinner, and Tobias says he supposes he can stop by and they can play cards or something.

Cue the “Theo and Tobias become friends” montage.

Theo thinks about fun times he had at the orphanage with Miss Heather and his friends, and is suddenly . . . homesick, I guess it would be? Kind of? He asks where the Colberts are, and just as Tobias says they’re indisposed, they burst into the room with party horns and a birthday cake, yelling “Surprise!”

Theo is surprised, mostly because it isn’t his birthday. New Mom brushes it off – of course it’s not his birthday; it wouldn’t be a surprise if it was. Then they dish up about half the cake onto a plate for him, because they clearly want him to go into insulin shock. Theo’s not hungry because he had two boxes of Crackerjacks about an hour ago. Gross.

The Colberts tell Theo they’re going out to paint the town red. Yes. Yes, I bet you are. They call him “son” and tell him to open his presents and have fun with Tobias.

Cut to Tobias bonding with Theo as he tucks him into bed. Tobias was also an orphan who never got adopted; he agrees that Theo may call him “Toby” since Theo used to know a Tobias at his orphanage who went by Toby. Then Mrs. Colbert calls Tobias out of the room.

Later that night, Theo is woken up by the Colberts talking outside his door. New Mom says that this was her idea; she calls the shots; and she’ll say when their little orphan delicacy is ready for . . . whatever this is. They open the door and stare at Theo, who pretends to be asleep, and New Mom says she doesn’t think she can wait much longer. They’ll tell Theo their secret when they get home tonight.

I’m . . . sure it’s a fun secret, right? . . . right?

Time passes until it’s four thirty in the damn morning, and someone unlocks Theo’s bedroom door. Oh, it’s Toby! He rushes in to wake Theo up, telling him they have to get out of here. Theo moans that he doesn’t feel well.

Yeah, no shit. You’ve just spent what I’m about to guess is a full month eating roughly the same amount of sugar as Brazil exports in a year; what did you expect?

They start to make their way down the stairs, but are stopped by Mrs. Colbert, who looks considerably more vampish than we’ve seen previously. Apparently Tobias was promised immortality in exchange for his babysitting services, but he’s changed his mind and doesn’t want Theo to end up vampire chow.

Mrs. Colbert protests that his blood is so sweet now, and . . . okay. So, they’ve been feeding him nothing but sugar so that his blood will taste sweet to them? They’re vampires with a sweet tooth? That’s . . . okay. Sure. I mean, they couldn’t just get a mouthful of blood, pour some sugar on me in their mouths, and shake it around? Their plot seems overly complicated, is all I’m saying.

Anyway, Mr. Colbert appears out of nowhere on the stairs above Tobias, and bites into him while Theo laments his new friend’s demise. Theo jumps down the stairs and runs out the door as Mrs. Colbert sends Doggie after him, commanding Doggie to leave some for them.

Theo runs off into the woods; Doggie chases after; we’re shown a full moon as the Colberts join the chase, so I was right – it’s been a full month. A month of no food except sweets. I’m feeling sick just thinking about it.

Theo stumbles and falls as Doggie (it sounds like New Dad calls him “Lalitu”? “Laleetoo”? I don’t fucking know, y’all) catches up to him. The Colberts come out of the blueness darkness and we hear growling.

Theo is on his hands and knees facing away from the Colberts, and as they approach he tells them that now he knows what happened to his parents. You see, he has a secret too, and it’s better than the Colberts’. New Mom is the picture of condescending boredom, telling Theo that she’s sure he does. As Theo continues, his voice gets deeper and growlier. He turns around to reveal that he is a werewolf – with a taste for vampires!

I’m not quite sure how he would know that, but you do you, kiddo.

He leaps at Mrs. Colbert and rips her throat out (again, I think. This deep blue everything is a bitch for actually seeing what’s happening), then takes off after Mr. Colbert, who has started running away like a little bitch. Theo catches up to him, and he screams as we fade to black . . .

. . . and cut to the interior of the orphanage as someone pounds on the front door. Mrs. Hagstead opens the door to reveal Theo and Doggie on the porch. Theo tells her that he knows his secret now, and he thinks some things are going to change around here. He stares at her, and there’s wolf-face superimposed over his kid-face. Mrs. Hagstead is terrified, a wolf howls, and we fade to black again.

And then we get the Cryptkeeper’s wrap-up and exit puns. They’re not worth spending space on here. Sorry, Crypty.

Nostalgia Glasses Off

So yeah. This werewolf episode took basically the entire episode to werewolf. And to vampire, for what it’s worth.

So, what are we to believe did happen to Theo’s parents? We can assume they were also werewolves, right? Are we to believe they were killed by . . . werewolf hunters? Vampires? Buffy? Sam and Dean? The episode treats it like we should just know, and I really don’t.

I still like this episode a lot, but I think it’s fallen off of my favorites list. There’s not much to it when you boil it down.

Except diabeetus. This episode is full of diabeetus.

(Note: Wilford Brimley passed away the day after I finished this recap (including inserting these images), and a couple days before it was scheduled to go up. Weird coincidence. RIP, and thanks for the memes, sir.)

  Well, it's another full moon, so you know what that means - time for a werewolf story! This month I recapped the Tales From the Crypt episode, The Secret! Can you guess what the secret is? I bet you can! (The secret is ... diabeetus!) Title: The Secret Series: Tales From the Crypt Original Airdate: July 31, 1990 Description: A 12-year-old orphan is adopted by a rich childless couple (William Frankfather and Grace Zabriskie) who harbor a dark secret.