#Full Moon Blowout

[ladylilithprime]

Day 28: Graves

(Set in the werewolf!Sam'verse, after Day 9 but before Day 19.)

IF SOMEONE HAD told teenaged Sam Winchester that not only would he be free of his father's iron handed rule but that Dean would choose him over their father, he wouldn't have believed it. If that person had also said that Dean would let a monster live, actively protecting it and putting that monster's life and safety over everything he'd been taught growing up? Sam would have laughed until he cried, but he might have believed it if the monster was him.

Because it was, but not the way John Winchester had always feared, muttering drunkenly under his breath while probably - hopefully - thinking that Sam couldn't hear him. Whatever the thing that had killed his and Dean's mom had done to Sam, it hadn't withstood what had happened to him after the blowout fight that sent Sam running to California and Stanford with barely a duffle bag and the clothes on his back.

Those three weeks it took him to make his way out to California had been tense and fraught with mingled uncertainty and elation of being completely on his own with no fear of being hauled in as a runaway because he was over eighteen even if his face still didn't look it. The youthful features had come in handy when his money had run out and he had needed to trade favors for bus fare the last leg of the journey, and his fighting skills kept off the one guy who hadn't been willing to take "no glove, no love" as a hard limit.

And then things took a sharp detour when his last customer turned out to have been a werewolf two days before the full moon.

Turns out, STDs weren't the only thing Sam had to worry about from a broken condom, especially when his own perfunctory prep had resulted in minor internal tearing that caused blood and semen to mix and catch in a way he hadn't known was possible. Sam had been incredibly lucky - or unlucky, depending on your view - that the werewolf had been damn near immortal, one of the earliest turned by the Alpha werewolf, the Firstborn, and had been willing to stick around and help Sam when he realized what had happened. He'd paid the motel room fees for the two days it took Sam to ride out his body rewriting itself cell by cell, and cleaning up the mess when Sam threw up something black as pitch that smelled like blood and sulfur midway through the second day. Actually experiencing the full transformation the second night had been a revelation in more than one way, though thankfully for Sam's peace of mind they had stayed locked in the hotel room the whole night.

The third day, they had gotten into Dmitri's car and headed for a werewolf commune in Napa Valley where Sam could stay and catch his breath and learn how to handle his new species change before checking in at Stanford. Admitting that his name was Sam Winchester had... not gone over well, to say the least. None of the wolves had been any happier when he'd assured them that John and Dean wouldn't be following him since John had told him if he left for college he wasn't welcome back, but it had quieted the ones who had suggested just killing him to protect the pack. Many had been mollified when Sam had confessed that he had hated being a hunter, that what he really wanted was to learn and to help and protect people, human or otherwise.

And learn Sam did. From the history and lore that surrounded the Firstborn and his children and turned vassals, to the differences between types of werewolves and where and why those differences had split from the pure line. He learned that the branch which hunters had known of, the ones who ate hearts, were descended from one unfortunately prolific wolf whom Aphrodite had cursed with madness after he had killed and eaten the heart of his lover in a bid to grow stronger. He learned that Dmitri was of an entirely different branch than even most of the commune, known as Luna's Shepherds for the Greek legend of Endymion and Selene's daughters who married the sons of the Firstborn, many of whom had chosen to live solely as wolves so as not to be persecuted for their changing and then hunted as wolves by fearful humans anyway. He learned meditation and, when his emotions could not fully be quieted to let him achieve inner peace, he had been convinced to attend couseling sessions with a nearby therapist who knew about the supernatural, and who had gotten him in touch with the Stanford campus Wicca group and the real, natural witches there when it had been discovered that he had powers of his own, awoken and unbound with his change but, he was repeatedly assured, wholly natural and belonging solely to him.

He met Jessica Moore, a feisty blonde with green eyes and the same birthday as Dean, who adopted him as her big brother and promptly warded his pack-funded apartment even more than it already was.

"I get that you're your own guard dog," she had joked while painting a tiny line of runes along the base of the door frame, nearly invisible for their small size, "but you should still make sure to lock your door against the creepy crawlies anyway."

"What would I do without you?"

"Crash and burn?"

Jess had been in his apartment, sleeping off the alcohol she'd had at the Halloween party she had dragged him to when Dean had broken in like a damn thief in the night, calling him "Sammy" and claiming to be looking for a beer with the stench of a lie. She'd come out to join Sam and leaned into him like a girlfriend when Dean made a crass comment about her sleep shirt and how she was out of Sam's league. And she had held Sam's hand in quiet support when Dean finally let the lies drop and admitted that their father was missing on a hunt and hadn't answered any calls in days, and that Dean wanted Sam's help to find him.

"Dean... I can't go with you, not if you're going after Dad. It's not safe."

"Sammy, c'mon... it's Dad!"

"And he was the one to tell me if I walked out then I should stay gone. These days, it's better than even odds he'd pull a gun on me if we were in the same room!"

"Dad wouldn't do that to you!"

"Maybe not tonight, no... but what about in two weeks on the full moon? You think it'll matter to Dad that I've never killed anyone since getting away from him if he finds out I'm not human? Or are you gonna save him the trouble and kill me now?"

To Sam's surprise and Dean's credit, he had hesitated. When he had reached for his gun, he had done so slowly and then set it on the floor and shoved it away. He'd done the same with his knives while Sam and Jess watched his every move. And then, when he'd disarmed himself and sat down on the floor, he had quietly asked - asked! - for Sam to explain. And he had listened as Sam gave that explanation, about Dmitri and the pack that had helped him without naming names or locations, about the manifestation of his powers in the form of visions of the future and telekinesis and how he could always tell when someone was lying and not just by scent. Jess had chimed in about being a natural witch and the wards on the apartment that worked to keep threats out as much as keep a transformed Sam contained once a month so he wouldn't get spotted by animal control or worse.

Not that he could open the doorknobs without hands, but that was besides the point.

"So... is that the only thing keeping you from coming with...?"

"It's not exactly a small thing, Dean... and I have an interview for Stanford's law school on Monday."

"So just come with me for, like, a couple days, just to check out what was going on in Jericho? I'll have you back here in time for your interview, and I won't let Dad or anyone else go after you."

"I'll apartment-sit for you," Jess had offered. "Just call to let me know what's going on."

JERICHO HAD BEEN a bust, but the wall Sam had built between himself and his old hunting life had still come crashing down. The ghost of Constance coming after him had been completely nonsensical.

"I can't be unfaithful, I'm not even dating anyone!"

Dean had been just as confused by that as Sam, and the drive back to Stanford with nothing to show for the trip but another arrest on Dean's record and John's abandoned journal had been tense. The scent of sulfur on the air as Sam had stepped out of the Impala in front of his apartment had him growling low in his chest, and having Dean at his back with a drawn gun was more of a comfort than he had expected. Certainly he was glad to have Dean with him to help when they came upon a badly wounded Jess facing off against a black-eyed possessed Tyson Brady. The fire and collapsing ceiling had nearly trapped them before Sam was shifting, nudging Jess up onto his back, and diving through the flames out the window to the quad where Dean met them with a blanket to hide Sam changing back under the guise of putting out lingering flames on their clothes.

Jess had lived, but it was entirely too clear that the demons that stalked the edges of Stanford were definitely targeting Sam.

"So...." Dean had said slowly as they drove away from Palo Alto, a brand new ceramic warding pendant on an adjustable braided cord around Sam's neck and his fresh acceptance to Stanford's online law school courses tucked away with his laptop in the back seat. "The wolf form thing isn't just for the full moon?"

"Any time I want, not that I want to do it where people are watching if it's not an emergency," Sam shrugged, looking out the window to avoid looking at Dean. His brother had been putting off some odd scent combinations that he needed to think about before trying to talk to Dean about them, but at least Dean didn't smell afraid of him. "Full moon is the only time the change is completely involuntary starting at moonrise and with no ability to change back to human until moonset."

Dean was silent for a long moment, taking that in, and then: "Gonna be a lot easier to do salt and burns with you around to dig up the bones from the graves, bitch."

"You are such a jerk," Sam huffed with a roll of his eyes, but he wasn't able to keep from smiling, relieved. Maybe this could work out after all, if Dean was serious about helping him keep his secret and stay safe while staying ahead of the demons and their plans.

He supposed that only time would tell.

[coulrobotomy]

Thoughts on the new episode (mastermind, Helluva Boss)?

Well, it's no secret that Mammon is the character I'm most interested in in this show so I was very happy to finally see him again. :D

This ended up a bit long so I'll put my thoughts below the cut.

I really enjoyed Mammon's performance in Mastermind, and found most of his antics befitting of the scumbag clown I know and love. But to be honest I was a bit uncomfortable with some of the jokes made at his expense, particularly the exchange between him and Beelzebub. It just felt really out of place for her to insult him so directly and imply that he's undesirable. Following it up with a joke about him awkwardly flirting with Leviathan just seemed to drive home the idea that Mammon is somehow uniquely repulsive compared to the other Sins, and I don't like that.

I think the idea of the Sins feuding with each other is funny and it makes sense, but the way it was framed in the episode makes it seem like Asmodeus and Beelzebub are somehow more morally upstanding than Mammon is (both through their banter and a lot of visual cues). Obviously Ozzie/Bee have been portrayed as more sympathetic than Mammon in previous episodes but personally I wish all the Sins were depicted as antagonists. I do think it makes sense to depict Mammon as more overtly antagonistic than Asmodeus and Beelzebub, not in the sense that Ozzie/Bee are "good", just that Mammon's sin is more visibly harmful to his ring. Don't get me wrong, Mammon being portrayed as purely antagonistic is part of why I love him so much. But the way the Sins were characterized in this episode just makes it seem like Ozzie/Bee are "good" and Mammon is "bad" in an overly simplistic way that doesn't really benefit any of their characters.

Mammon's characterization in the episode also felt more heavy-handed than it did in his debut episode. He's always been a funny character and I enjoyed most of the jokes involving him in his debut episode, but another big aspect of his character is how menacing he can be, and I felt like that aspect of him was really overshadowed in Mastermind. It might just be that Fizzarolli is a lot more intimidated by Mammon than the other Sins are, but most of the jokes in this episode just portrayed Mammon as completely non-threatening. Mammon's debut episode gave the impression that he would be a serious antagonist in future episodes and I really hope that's still the case, or at least that he gets some other form of character development and isn't just treated like a joke. Really I'm hoping all of the Sins get more fleshed out in future episodes since their relationship with Hell is a huge part of the setting.

TL;DR: I'm glad Mammon was part of this episode but I think I prefer how he was characterized in his debut episode. Some of the jokes made at his expense in Mastermind made me a little uncomfortable, particularly the ones about him being undesirable. I'm hoping that he gets the opportunity to be a serious antagonist in future episodes and isn't just played off as a joke. Seeing him back in the show does make me feel inspired to play around with my own ideas about him so I might start drawing him again (and maybe writing more extensive theories about him too).

I hope we get to see him in the Christmas episode in some way, even if it's just a simple gag like the Blowout Sale ad in "The Full Moon". Maybe he really will get to be a Christmas tree. 🎄

[sgt-morgan]

Marquee Moon 🌙

Summary: you’re having a tough time with your second baby. Pregnancy sucks, and your lovely Steven does what he can to make you feel better. Part of the Estrellita verse

Warnings: depression, depressive episode, real shitty pregnancy symptoms, AFAB and female identifying reader, one cut that isn’t described too much, inaccurate depictions if DID as made cannon by the show.

A/N: I had a depressive episode, then my baby brother turned on my favorite song and made me have a dance party, then o felt less shitty. I wasn’t cured, but I felt better. This is the result. Also, to those who have asked. No, reader is not married to the system in the Estrellita verse yet. I’m just bad at not writing husband and wife for them because I know where their story is headed. In this house, we support marriage when the couple is ready, no sooner no later.

Moonknight Masterlist

Something was off. Steven couldn’t put his finger on it exactly, but he knew there was something… wrong. You were at the stage that your mom had affectionately called ‘miserably pregnant.’ You had gotten there last time, but this time was hitting harder than the last, and he couldn’t put a finger on just one thing that was messing with you.

Rory was struggling for one, the idea of having to go to a daycare was wildly unpopular for the girl who was so used to being with her mom almost constantly. The change was needed though, the little girl was just cresting the age of four, and you decided that she needs socialization, and to start learning basic skills for preschool. You figure her going to daycare while you were at work would be a good idea. Your parents had watched her up until this point, and you appreciated it, keeping her in a safe environment with your parents for so long was a great way to keep her in a safe environment without needing to worry about her catching illnesses or any other terrible thing. It just seemed to work out, your parents needed something to do, and you needed the childcare. Easy fix. The same could be said for your niece when she was little, three was the age that she started going to daycare, and you were sending her to the same place Cassie had gone. Your sister was able to keep her baby at home, but you couldn’t, so your new baby, when she was born, would also go to your Parent’s place. You were once again grateful that your sister was an accomplished editor, who enjoyed staying at home with her babies to do her job. It was her superpower, and most days you would say it was way more useful than yours.

So with all the transitioning schedules underway, and your parents not wanting to watch two babies at once, you enrolled Rory in daycare, and she hated it. It was too loud and there were too many people, and they didn’t speak Spanish, or Hebrew, or Arabic, and they didn’t believe that she had three daddies, and they didn’t like books. Rory has sensory disorders, so you knew this transition would be rough, but you weren’t expecting the full blowout that was her transition to daycare. She wouldn’t nap, she wouldn’t eat, she wasn’t playing with others, it was hell. She screamed every time you dropped her off, and your husband could tell it broke your heart every time. So you were in the hunt for a good fit, clearly this place wasn’t cutting it, so some other place would have to do. It would have to, you couldn’t do one more crying fit, or another bout of exhausted tantrums when she got home.

On top of all that, Rory was getting even more clingy. You would never dream of complaining about how much your baby loved you, but it was hard to juggle your belly and the rambunctious toddler who had seemed to attach herself to your hip. It was one of the things your doctor had warned you about about baby number two, the possibility of Rory starting to be more possessive of you. It was the underestimation of the century. She couldn’t get enough of you, wanting you to hold her, snuggle her, tuck her in. She was constantly clinging to you, kissing your belly and talking to the baby. She threw huge fits when someone took her from you, even when it was one of her dads, and she loves her dads. It was draining you, he could tell, but you kept pressing on trying to do what’s best for your daughter.

Then there was work, you still had one more mom expecting before your schedule was cleared for your parent leave. Being a dula was hard work, you were an advocate for mothers needs, a helping hand, a birthing expert, but doing all of that while also being ready to burst? Well, that’s its own special kind of hell. Horror stories from other peoples births were wild, and helping your patients with those horror stories while being pregnant yourself? Not optimal. On top of your normal duties, there was also the added stressor of most of your clients coming from Juno, needing you to protect mother and baby through some form or another with your pledge to her service. Thankfully, working with a fertility goddess meant leniency when it came to your duties as an avatar while knocked up, so at least that was a plus.

Then there was their problems. The system’s jobs were stacking up in preparation for paternity leave, dishing out make up work for each if them to handle before they took time off. Marc had exactly one last transit job for some artifact Konshu asked him to see settled, Jake had to make sure licensing, certifications, registrations, and inspections were completed in his fleet before he took off, and Steven was saddled with two deadlines on exhibits he was meant to be curating coming up. All of that on top of attempting to be a parent, a partner, and an Avatar for a grumpy ass deity. All of this had equaled less time spent with his pregnant lover, who just wanted to have one goddamn minute with her lovers please and thank you.

Then there was just all of the bodily side effects of pregnancy. You experienced all of this with Aurora too, but it didn’t really seem to hit you that badly. Your Belly grew more round, you complained that the stretching skin was itchy, they could only imagine. Your nipples were more sensitive, every one of them would wince in sympathy whenever they came home to find you sniffling miserably with bags of frozen peas on your chest. your feet grew a size, they had with Rory as well, and they never went back to normal, and having to buy new shoes again was really pissing you off. You were puking constantly, you developed a supreme sense of smell that caused you to hate some of your favorite foods, and even just catching a whiff sent you sprinting to the toilet at the first sign of trouble. Never let them tell you the puking is just a first trimester thing, it’s a lie. Your hips hurt, your muscles and bones making way for a baby was no easy feat, and you waddled around the house groaning and you tossed and turned all night trying to find a safe position for your aching joints. it was a whole list of terrible shit. The worst though, was your quote unquote ‘Pregnancy nose.’ Gods in heavens how you couldn’t stand the swelling of your face. Hormones are powerful shit, and with the sudden influx of them, and your new water retaining superpowers, your joints weren’t the only things that were ballooning. The system often found you staring in the mirror and picking at your face. The pregnancy acne and the nose were your least favorite things, It bothered you to no end, though they couldn’t understand why.

Your partners didn’t notice, only thinking you were beautiful and lovely while round and full with their child. However, you saw yourself as a whale, no matter how many times they assured you you were the most beautiful woman in the world. It was terrible for your disposition, but none of them knew what more to do about it other than support you however they could.

Steven though, Steven thinks he hit the nail on the head. It was about a month in to your pregnancy, they had just figured out you were pregnant, and you had switched medicines about two months before, new antidepressants that worked wonders, but unfortunately we’re not meant for pregnant women. So you went off them, and back on your old ones, and Steven thinks they weren’t working.

“Hey, you lot noticed she’s slept all day today?” Steven muttered into his teacup, Marc reflecting back at him from the murky surface of his tea, while Jake stared from the reflection of his darkened phone screen.

“Sí, parece estar más agotada de lo habitual.” Jake grunted, running a hand through his hair and snuggly fastening his flat cap back down.

“I know, she’s having an episode.” Marc sighs. You hadn’t had an episode like this since the beginning of your relationship. You had just switched up dosages and it wasn’t enough, you had sat and stared at the television, and slept, and did nothing for about a week until he finally made you call your doctor again to up your dosage. Thankfully this was more than likely a temporary episode, caused by the change in meds. He called your doctor to check and he said the same, but if it lasted more than a week, he should call and have an appointment scheduled to have the medicine changed or the dosage raised. Thankfully, your family’s psychiatrist was a skilled one, and one who was well versed in both your and the systems mental Illnesses. He was a good guy, they’re thankful to have him.

You and Steven were supposed to be cleaning house together today, doing some prep work before the arrival of your second daughter. It had started out well, about two hours in, you had cleaned the entire kitchen, scrubbed the fridge, washed dishes, put new child locks on the cabinets, and were doing really well. Steven was putting together your bedside bassinet for the baby to be put back in your room, having been put away since Cassie had started sleeping in her own room. He had also put up new blackout curtains in the nursery, and moved Cassie’s big girl bed into her new room across the hall from your room and the nursery. He had just finished building the bassinet when he heard a crash from the kitchen. Jake seized the body at the sound and hustled into the kitchen to find you sobbing into your hands, a broken tea kettle on the ground, not yet heated water covering your feet and the floor. They could clearly see this was your final straw for today, and their heart wrenched to see a pretty deep cut on your palm. At the sight of your silent, defeated, tears, Steven immediately took control again, carefully walking to you and wrapping you up in his arms. He shushed you calmly and rocked you back and forth, waiting for your tears to slow before he bandaged your hand. He then softly ushered you to your room where he made you change and lay down with him to take a nap. He lay flat on his back, and you were curled on your side curled facing away from him, staring at nothing and refusing to talk. He pulled you close to him and wiped at your tears until you fell asleep. Which led up to where he was now, drinking a cup of tea and contemplating what to do about your state.

“Let’s finish up the nursery, pick up the kid, and toss in another load of laundry, if she’s up by then we’ll get her to eat.” Steven mumbled, downing his tea and setting to work. Steven knew well that you can’t fix other peoples illness, it’s just a fact of life. He would take your pain and sadness if he could without ever thinking of the consequences, but you can’t just whisk away the bone deep dread and anxiety that was permeating your life like an unwanted rainstorm. He also knew that when you were like this, which didn’t happen often, it made Jake and Marc a little skittish. It didn’t bother him though, out of all the alters, he understood that life is always harder than you asked for, and depression can just amplify those things that make life as difficult as it is. Depressive episodes happen, the system has them, you have them, it’s just a fact of life for your family, and thankfully you were both committed adults who knew better than to take each others bad days personally. Instead, you did what you could to make the bad days tolerable. Today was one of those days, and Steven was more than willing to do what he could to salvage what was left of your day.

Steven put the last touches on the nursery and Rory’s new room. He moved Aurora’s name sign to her new room, switching it for the new baby’s. Then he tossed in the last load of laundry you needed done, and tidied up the toys in the living room. When he finished, he drove to Rory’s daycare. today it seemed that the daycare finally

won the girl over. With a shockingly complete change in attitude, Aurora told her Baba Steven all about the new daycare worker Ellie. Ellie, a new supply teacher finishing up he degree at university, had sat and read with her today. She told him all about how instead of going to the gym, miss Ellie let her stay in the classroom and look at books and listen to music. Steven grinned, like father like daughter, she didn’t like crowds, couldn’t blame her. This was good, a good improvement, one more win in the books.

When he got home, he found you awake and cooking dinner. He could tell from your puffy eyes and listless body language that you were still down though. When he came into the kitchen he gently wrapped an arm around your shoulders and kissed your temple. Even when you were struggling, you still took care of them. He loved that about you. You tried to smile for Rory, and while it might have worked on the little girl, he couldn’t be fooled. Though you did shoot him an impressed look when Rory told you all about her day at daycare, and her new friend Miss Ellie. Dinner was easy, just some pasta your threw together from a jar, but Rory ate it with gusto, and when she finished, he offered to give her a bath. You smiled and nodded, putting the dishes in the washer even though he insisted you leave it to them. You just waved him off and he sighed, carrying Aurora to the bath. Once he got her in the tub and soaped up her hair, the very intelligent child spoke up.

“Mummy sad today.” She stated matter of factly, splashing a toy around while Steven gently rinsed the bubbles from her hair.

“Yeah, she is a little bit down in the dumps, but mummy is gonna be alright, it’s just a bad day innit?” He said, smiling at the little girl gently.

“It’s okay Baba, people are sad sometimes.” She nodded sagely, parroting the words you had both instilled from the very beginning. Once again, Steven finds himself in awe of this perfect little girl, what on earth had a bloke like him done to deserve this perfect angel.

“Yeah mate, s’right. People just have bad days. Mummy is just tired, making a baby is hard work.” He chuckled, gently combing conditioner through her curly locks.

“Why doesn’t she just have the baby?” Rory scoffed and Steven chuckled.

“Would be easier wouldn’t it, doesn’t work like that though, your sister is not baking in there I’m afraid, mummy will have to just let her keep bouncing around on her bladder.” He chuckled, rinsing the girls hair again before pulling her out of the tub with a grunt as the child squirmed. “S’all right though- oh my days, have you gotten taller?- mummy will have your sister soon.”

“Well, then why don’t we give mum a dance party? Dance parties always make me feel better.” She says clapping her little hands at Steven and smiling. He nods slowly, thinking about it as he helps her pull on her Bluey pjs.

“Yah know? Thats not a half bad idea.” He grins at the girl, and he can see the proud stares of his alters in the reflection of the trifold mirror in their bathroom.

“God, we are the luckiest men alive.” Mark sighs, covering his mouth with his hand while Jake grins with a nod.

“We are surrounded by perfect women. How could any bastards be luckier than us?” Jake chuckles.

“Your Papí, Daddy, and I love you Princess.” Steven smiles, kissing her hair softly once he has it brushed out and pulled into two tiny little buns.

“I love you too dadas.” She smiles kissing him sweetly on the cheek. He carries Rory into the living room and makes his way casually to the record player. Time to dance.

You’re sitting on the couch facing the window, staring blankly at the rain as it beats down over New York with a vengeance. You’d been down lately, you know you had. Switching up meds and all the hormone changes of pregnancy were really beating you down. Life was changing, and when you weren’t able to fully regulate your emotions, it made every single inconvenience and struggle seems ten times more pressing. You were certain that this was a depressive episode. You’re sure your partner had caught on already, and you were grateful he had effortlessly picked up your slack without making you feel belittled. Starting a life with your Moonknight in shining armor had been the best decision you’d ever made. You may not be married just yet, but he had no hope in hell of getting rid of you that’s for sure.

You know you’d zoned out, but you couldn’t help it. You just felt… tired. Sad, and anxious, and tired. You couldn’t help it, you were trying, you got something done today at least, you cleaned the kitchen and did most of the laundry, you cooked and cleaned up dinner, but all you wanted to do now was pass out again. You felt so guilty, you had already slept for most of the day, you couldn’t be that tired, but alas, brain chemistry was a cruel mistress, and today you were in the doghouse. Then suddenly, music. You turned to look, dropping the moon necklace you had been fiddling with back onto your chest. You look up to see your sweet Steven reaching down and pulling you to your feet, while Marquee Moon by Television floated from the speakers on your record player.

“I remember

Ooh, how the darkness doubled

I recall Lightning struck itself

I was listening Listening to the rain

I was hearing Hearing something else

Life in the hive puckered up my night

A kiss of death, the embrace of life

Ooh, there I stand neath the Marquee Moon Just waiting”

Steven pulled you to your feet with a small smile and started to slowly dance with you in one arm, and your baby girl in the other. Twirling you with a grin.

“I spoke to a man Down at the tracks

And I ask him How he don't go mad

He said, "look here, junior, don't you be so happy And for heaven's sake, don't you be so sad."

He whispered the lyrics in your ear while you danced and twirled around the living room. For the first time all day, Steven was relieved to see a genuine smile grace your lips. He just knew you were recalling your first ever date to that little outdoor night market, a local band playing a cover of this song while you danced like nobody was watching. Just as he and his daughter had hoped, your impromptu dance party was working.

“Well, the Cadillac It pulled out of the graveyard Pulled up to me All they said, "get in, get in" Then the Cadillac

It puttered back into the graveyard

Me, I got out again Life in the hive puckered up my night A kiss of death, the embrace of life Ooh, there I stand neath the Marquee Moon

But I ain't waiting, uh-uh.”

You swayed to the time of the twangy post-punk classic, and your grin just kept growing as you twirled around the room. You started singing the lyrics to your daughter and curled your arm around Steven’s waist. Your joy was slowly creeping back in, this perfect Moment with your little family starting to bring you back to life second by second. You felt the warmth of their love creep up over your sadness, filling your brain with the glow of their love for you, and even though the sadness still lingered at the edges of your consciousness, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. This moment was too perfect to waist. Only made more perfect by the excited kicking of your newest addition where your belly pressed up against Steven. He grinned down at you, snuggling all of his girls closer and resting a palm where baby number two was kicking, and for the first time all week, you were content.

“I remember

How the darkness doubled

I recall Lightning struck itself

I was listening

Listening to the rain

I was hearing

Hearing something else.”

[lavenoon]

When it comes to the boys is there anything they may be super casual about that Robin may just look at them and either go "What are you doing??" or "Wait a second, you need that?"

I continue tackling old asks <3

So for this, there might be a bunch that'll seem like it should have come up sooner and only didn't because I didn't think about it before this ask. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ponder those human/ animatronic differences - they're my bread and butter!

The first thing that surprised Y/N was pretty soon after Sun moved in - he didn't technically need it, but the boys like setting up their charging station a bit. So Sun asked to make some minor alterations to the house. Comparable to uhhh maybe a charging station to an electrical car at home, just not quite the same dimensions? To Sun/Moon it means quicker charging as well as better equipment compared to "travel" set ups.

Y/N, while they didn't expect it, did tell him to make those alterations as he sees fit, because they are a bad landlord and don't really care - in their mind he lives there, and should live comfortably!

There's also the check-ups. Like any human should go to the GP even without acute issues every now and then, animatronics need check-ups too! But the first time it comes up it's a moment of "Oh right that makes sense, why did that never occur to me?"

The boys can do a good bunch of repairs by themselves, more so than the average animatronic I'd say. Their trust in engineers (especially human engineers) has taken a significant hit after the Eclipse battery issue, and they decided they'll learn a bit more about their inner workings.

(I don't think animatronics in general would just know how to do their own repairs. Like Robin thinks in First Aid - that's like expecting a human to do their own surgery. Possible, sure, for some things - but definitely not the standard. How many humans have medical knowledge on the level of a doctor without being a doctor? Takes active research into personal health issues, and that's exactly what our celestial brothers did. Eclipse, too. His trust into engineers took the greatest hit - the first one he met turned out to cut corners for profit, and was dishonest. So these three are a little special, but they have their reasons)

Despite all that, they do try to get a full body check-up at least once a year. They also have to replace their finger joints and casing more often than would technically be necessary with normal wear and tear, but Sun has a nervous habit of wringing them until they creak while also hating the dents it causes.

They can also detach limbs without great issues. I imagine it similarly to fullmetal alchemist automail, where it's uncomfortable for a split second when "nerves" get de/ attached, but otherwise it's just. There's no lingering/ constant pain, so they can detach hands, arms, and legs pretty easily. The hands are extra because they have the separate circuits, and the tasers may need specific maintenance.

If, at some point after the First Aid blowout (or, well, blowup) the boys decide to keep a few replacement parts on hand (not like, a whole second body, because that's too expensive, but just like. A couple custom parts, every now and then, as long as the joint wallet agrees), it makes for a funny little moment of Y/N picking up a package for them, taking it inside, and going "oh, this is kinda heavy, what did you order? if you wanna share" "oh, just another arm. ordered the left one last month, now we have one of each in storage." And Y/N just stands there internally screaming because the thought of just. Ordering an arm for when you might need to replace your old one is just not really something they can empathize with, and their attempts of course lead to more imagined body horror.

Generally I'd say that Y/N sometimes slips into making the two human in their mind, not just people. They don't mean to, but they didn't interact this much with many animatronics (if any) before, and didn't know any as well as Sun/Moon, so they just. Fumble.

Like Sun/Moon complaining about squeaking joints, and they just hesitantly get some WD-40 to offer the boys, like "Is this gonna help? It works for doors but I don't want to say you're like a door" while the boys just die on the inside trying not to laugh

(I don't know if they could use WD-40. Gut instinct says yes, but I simply don't trust my gut like that lmao)

The boys also make a couple memory back ups every now and then, just in case. It wouldn't be able to replace their AI should anything happen to them, but if their memory cards are fried they can check things out again, and they could show Y/N their memories, like videos! Y/N also needs a bit to adjust to that. It's sweet to see how much focus they received from the start, and to see how hard Sun/Moon tried to do well by them, but it's also literally seeing themself through someone else's eyes, and that's not something a human would just expect is possible

In that vein - if they ever mention they can just share their memories with each other, Y/N is gonna need a moment to grapple with that (before demanding an explanation why they don't do that, because it would have saved them all a lot of grief if they'd compared notes on their rival and neighbor. Not too accusingly, because Y/N feels guilty for missing the signs themself, but just a bit of "Why wasn't this an option?")

There's also the curiosity about just, constantly running programs. All the sensors for the boys - seeing and hearing work better than for a human, touch is different but it's hard to explain how, more deliberate with the option to exclude circuit areas easily, and smell is a little less sensitive, comparable to electronic "noses" that also gives them some idea of how things would taste, but otherwise that sense just entirely falls off the table. Where and how electricity is running, where are which sensors, what sort of temperature regulation do they have? (They run just a little colder than humans when at rest, and no one with gaming laptops come at me, I'm basing this off my own laptop PLUS I'm giving them better fans/ tech).

Y/N would be curious to learn about all that, because they want to love all of the boys, and want to know all they can. But I don't think they'll ever learn as much to do repairs single-handedly - they don't see why they have to, frankly. They don't want to think of the boys broken so badly that no one else would even offer to help, and otherwise just assumes situations like First Aid, where they can just carry out instructions while the boys are incapacitated. They learn how to recognize terms and what screw goes where and which cable does what, but they don't get the intricacies of it all because despite everything, they are not an engineer for animatronics and I'm not making them one gfhdj

Think that's it for now, that's already 1.2K words too so! Hope that's some fun then <3

[allsadnshit]

Hi♥️ I hope you’re doing okay! Thank you for sharing the full moon post because it makes so much sense. The other day, my friend decided she didn’t want to be friends anymore, it wasn’t a big blowout argument, it was more a quiet one where she shared how she felt and we went our separate ways. I remember you sharing how you wanted to reach out to an old friend, but respected she didn’t want to talk anymore. What are some of the best ways I can work through this? I loved her a lot, but I respect this is what she wants but I’m finding letting go to be hard because it’s so fresh. Thanks for reading!

allow all feelings without judgment. I think when we love someone we feel guilty about being angry, hurt, irritated, resentful...pretty much anything negative. but holding in anything from yourself out of shame or principle makes it harder to eventually reach that place of acceptance. time goes on! not all wounds heal, but nothing is happening to you as punishment, and someone not wanting you as part of their life doesn't say anything about YOU it says something about your relationship. no matter what anyone says, you never know who will appreciate, understand, and feel inspired by what you bring to the table, good and bad.

[alicealder]

i. "cast iron skillet" - jason isbell and the 400 unit // ii. tonight i'm someone else: essays; the end of longing - chelsea hodson // iii. "rx (medicate)" - theory of a deadman

( gdocs version since tumblr beta is super annoying )

quick stats !

full name: alice audrey alder

date of birth: september 17th, 1966

zodiac big three: virgo sun, pisces moon, libra rising, leo venus

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: home of sexual

ethnicity: white

nationality: us american

religion: agnostic

languages spoken: english (5), spanish (4), latin (3)

enneagram: 2w3

mbti: enfj

temperament: phlegmatic

alignment: true neutral

refresher !

triggers: shitty parenting, the briefest implication of homophobia

Mom, Annabelle “Anne” Alder, kinda really sucks. I guess we’ll go with the version where she’s not a televangelist even though televangelism is super fun and was booming in the 1980s, I just think we know the other version better. Still a lil menty ill tho. 

But Alice’s daddy, Allen, and sister, Alice 1.0, died a week before she was born so you know <3 hard to blame her tbh <3

Still weird that she was like “okay if I can’t have Alice 1.0 I’ll have Alice 2.0”

Momma Alder was like “you’re gonsta be perfect just like ur dad!” and Alice was like “okay how” and momma was like “uhhhh get good grades, be successful, marry a rich guy, be hot” and Alice was like “okay bet”

Mamma Alder also married a rich guy, our bestie Brian, who was like… 20 years her senior. So she had an affair with the poolboy. But honestly that stuff wasn’t too important in the great grand scheme of things – Brian was, though!

Anyway, Alice totes got good grades and was hot! But a rich guy wasn’t in her cards :\ Maybe a rich girl though!

Is Lux rich?

Fell in love with childhood friend Lux Lewis in late 1981 and it lasted around a year.. So that’s basically late sophomore - junior on her end, late freshman - sophomore on Lux’s.

Gradually phased out as Lux got closer to another lesbian we know 🤨(only we don’t know it IC 😔). But Alice was still Lux’s little bitch for the time being.

Idk if the Wonderland dance happened in this timeline... In any case, Lux going bitch mode after the lesbian ‘rumor’ was pinned on Alice still happened! So did the fight between Alice and Anne, though that was a few more months in. So did it getting worse when Alice was like *coach ben vc* hear that, furry little friends?! I’m GAYYY. *end vc* So did Brian leaving to go to a five-star retirement home. 

Anyway, a slight change is that Brian paid the tuition, but Alice still went to live with Indigo… for the time being 🤨

update time !

triggers: drugs. so many drugs., some shitty parenting thrown in there considering brian’s involvement and (arguably!) indigo’s solution

Weed and alcohol weren’t entirely foreign – they were both present at basically all the parties thrown – but Alice had never partaken in them beyond a slight buzz. Up until, of course, the winter of 1983. Just to balance things out, right? Just to make the world seem a little chiller during the crux of her final year in high-school, right?

But all of the shit that came with it – related to Lux or not – eventually brought it to a null spot. And Brian (who didn’t think to ask anything about it), ever the caring father figure, offered what used to help him through his rough patches! A little pill!

As of right now, I’m basically just typing out the timeline I wrote down. So with nothing smooth to say, Alice found herself a regular Vicodin user by the Spring of 1984.

And, while all things preceding the date were stressful enough, that brings us to entering college! Yay! Brian’s started paying tuition and there was that huge blowout and she’s living with Indigo now, so on and so forth. Anyway, now that that’s been refreshed:

Fall of 1984… Maybe someone would point to Lux and the bullying. Maybe someone would point to Anne Alder, suddenly without child and husband. Maybe someone would point to the lack of a stable home. But the truth was that it was none of that, and it was all of that.

The first few months, Alice was doing her best to keep up. She was still keeping her grades way up, she was still working hard to maintain her friendships, she was still trying to keep up a semblance of a life – she would have been dubbed ‘functioning.’ But something… just broke. Seemingly out of nowhere, something cracked. 

*It happened slowly, then all at once. General stress – stress that seemed normal – snapped. There were voices and delusions and–

–Brian’s donations weren’t enough anymore. After searching, after a chance finding, Alice crossed the snow line… 

And it… worked. The stress had dissipated and life… it was so much better. As long as she rolled the snow up on the 8hr schedule it needed, life was beautiful! 

For a while.

When Winter rolled around, it was plain for Indigo to see that Alice was not just smoking doobage. In fact, she wasn’t just smoking anything anymore – not if the cotton ball and shoelace had anything to say about it! 

Thus, Indigo (real name: Angela), past groupie (who “Angie” by the Stones had clearly been written about) who had seen the dangerous outcomes firsthand, was… in essence, like, “Get your shit together!”

But if some missing money, pinpoint pupils, and a nod off that led to a close call with godsmack had anything to say about it… Alice was not, in fact, getting her shit together.

Indigo had never planned on being a mother, and though she was much more caring and empathetic than her sister, she wasn’t prepared for… how to deal with this (unless it was Eric Clapton who clearly got clean for her). At the end of the day, is anyone? Especially when the main source of said kid’s cost of living was coming from an indirect enabler? (See: Brian <3)

Not knowing what else to do if Alice wouldn’t agree to seek help, she made the hesitant decision to kick her out.

Lucky for Alice, there was one vacant house in Cherry where someone she knew had been able to claim squatter’s rights – that someone being Oliver (who, outside of alcohol and weed, could be considered a surprising straight-edge given what he’d seen his mom go through at the hands of SUD).

Yes, I’m connecting my two characters. Yes, I am using this cop-out. *Ariana Grande vc* And what about it?

When Spring rolled around, her role in ‘the gang’ was nearly non-existent, existing more as a ghost than a person. Which was about how life was going. Moving through it like a ghost, disconnected from the Earth, watching from a state of limbo, becoming a distant memory.

r/im14andthisisdeep

She still managed to get by in CCU, though not without strife and sliding grades. Speedballing helped, but even then, she was distracted. 

Oliver tried giving her the movie star speech… which didn’t work, but it was worth a shot!

Fall came and so did sophomore year’s tuition payment… some of which was pocketed and spent on things that should not have been important as they felt.

Outside of that, it was largely uneventful. Just repetition of how life had been for the past… year and a half? But it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. And most bridges had burned themselves (hell, save for Brian, every bridge with family had burned down). And there would never be anything fun again, would there be? She stays in the routine, it’s normal. She breaks it and tries to get sober? At best, it’s boring. At worst, it’s hell on Earth. And she would choose routine over that any day! If she’d already lost most everything she could lose, why bother? The only things she had left were school (and she would be on academic probation in Spring – if she were kicked out… who cared anymore?), an empty house (was there much of a difference between an empty house – that desperately needed repairs – with one guy and a street?), the few bridges she hadn’t burned (a lighter would come eventually), and a beating heart (did it matter anymore?). Burn it down.

That was the prevailing thought until one Ford Freese entered the picture in early December, an offer to pay for a 30-day inpatient stay over the CCU winter break.

…winter break totally isn’t for deus ex machina purposes!

In any other case, she would’ve declined the offer with enthusiasm – some of the only enthusiasm she still showed! But the one thing she hadn’t thought of? The one thing she hadn’t thought to add to her list of things that could be stripped from her? Her freedom. Aha, don’t arrest me! Aha, I’m too sexy to go to jail for 7+ years!

Let it be known that he never actually threatened arrest – or anything even close! – but you see a man with a badge…

She entered rehab on the first day of their winter break. The methadone helped with the detox, but not with the… worth. Nonetheless, she walked out of rehab two days after CCU had begun the Spring semester. 

A month later, she had ‘completed’ the outpatient program – during which she’d been doing her damndest to get off academic parole. Without any funding for something like a methadone clinic – or, I don’t know, a therapist? – it was her and her willpower! 

And, credit where credit is due, staying sober due to a sense of obligation? Of ‘you did this grand gesture for me, I can do this one thing for you’? Well, it was working! Enough to get her to NA!

But, even nearly eight months later, everything feels rather askew. She’s part of the gang again, not a ghost… but is she? She’s back to her role of ‘great student’... but is she? Lux has lost her influence… but has she?

Well… Hollywoo Stars and Celebs! What Do They Know? Do they Know Things? Let’s Find Out!

updated tl;dr !

Alice started doing drugs about eight months earlier than her Cherry 1.0/2.0 counterparts. 

She developed a tolerance to Vicodin and didn’t have the benefit of seeing Lux’s ghost because… Lux isn’t dead (or presumed dead), so she moved up the ladder of gateway drugs and, following a bit of a menty b in her freshman year of college, she started using smack.

Eventually got kicked out of Indigo’s house for understandable reasons and went to squat live with Oliver (deus ex machina!). 

Yanno. shit happens!

Was not successfully enticed to enter recovery until Ford Freese offered to pay for rehab (and, even then, it was just because “oh this guy has a badge I don’t want to go to jail im so sexy for that aha”). Got clean.

Has been sober for nearly eight months now… mainly out of obligation!

But my favorite form of character growth is character descent :elmosmile:

[primordialsoundmeditation]

This week’s astrology forecast: April 3rd - 9th

Message for the week: We walk together.

The week starts off with a bit of mental tension with Mercury (the mind) moving into Taurus and in a disruptive square to eruptive Pluto on Monday—it might be best to work by yourself on this touchy day. However, mental energy stabilizes and is fortified the rest of the week with Mercury moving into harmonious aspects to Saturn and Mars—determination pays off.

The main feature of this week’s astrology is Wednesday’s Full Moon in Libra with the Sun in Aries conjunct both Chiron (the wounded healer) and expansive Jupiter. Individual healing can take place and is facilitated by healing wounded relationships. You can’t heal alone. We heal with each other—your well-being is interdependent on the well-being of your relationships.

Relationships are further enhanced this weekend with Venus (relationships) being uplifted by inspirational Neptune, as well as Mercury being in harmony to Mars—bringing clarity to communications.

Monday: Lace up your boots and get going on whatever needs attention, with the Moon in effective, efficient Virgo and in a harmonious trine to the Venus/Uranus conjunction. However, you may want to work by yourself with Mercury entering Taurus and in a square to Pluto, when others can be defensive, leading to petty disagreements erupting into blowouts.

Tuesday: You may feel like sleeping in and staying in the dreamworld and, with the day beginning with the Moon in Virgo opposite Neptune (enchanting fantasies). Once you get going, a productive, harmonious day unfolds. Relationships and negotiations are enhanced as the Moon enters cooperative Libra this afternoon and trines Pluto.

Wednesday: The Full Moon in Libra occurs at 9:34 PM PDT, with the Sun being conjunct both Chiron (the wounded healer) and amplifying Jupiter in Aries (new beginnings). A good day to bring the healing energy of Chiron to yourself and to your relationships with others. Mercury is sextile to Saturn, bringing stability to the mind and clarity to communications.

Thursday: A harmonious day for relationships and all cooperative endeavors with the Moon in accommodating Libra. However, watch for the tendency to over promise and take on more than is realistic, with the Moon being opposite overly optimistic Jupiter.

Friday: Two favorable sextiles occur today with Venus being sextile Neptune, enhancing the ability to appreciate beauty and love, as well as Mercury sextile Mars, enhancing communication with clarity and directness. The Moon is in deep-diving Scorpio in a supportive grand trine with Saturn and Mars—take intimacy and close relationships to a deeper level.

Saturday: Expect the unexpected at the start of the day, with the Moon in Scorpio opposite unpredictable Uranus. You may feel reticent about joining into all the opportunities available today, preferring privacy and deep one-to one relationships. The Moon trines Neptune tonight, gracing the evening with a peaceful, easy feeling.

Sunday: This is a good day for an Easter Egg hunt, getting out of doors for a hike or bike ride, as well as gatherings with friends and family, with the Moon entering “always up for a celebration” Sagittarius in a flowing sextile to Pluto. There is a square to inhibiting Saturn midday, testing patience, but otherwise, an upbeat day to get out and explore what life has to offer.

May the stars be with you!

I will be giving a talk on April 13th/simulcast on Zoom

***please note: WSAA has agreed to make recordings of the talk available for all who register to listen at their convenience.

I will be giving a talk for the Washington State Astrology Association April 13th, 7:30 – 9:00 PM at the Puget Sound Yacht Club in Seattle/also being simulcast on Zoom. There are major shifts occurring with Pluto moving into Aquarius (for the next twenty years) as well as Saturn shifting into Pisces, joining Neptune—this is an essential paradigm shift of moving from the structured past to the still to be invented future. Pluto had been in the Earth sign Capricorn for the last fifteen years, leading to one’s self-worth being based on their, wealth, possessions, and status in the world. With the shift into the Air sign Aquarius, one’s self-worth will be based on their ideas, the ability to connect with others, build community, and contribute to the evolving awakening of humanity that is the potential of this era. We will dive into the highs and lows of this shift with a focus on its impact on relationships of all types by exploring Pluto’s aspects to each of the signs Venus is in.

If you do not know what sign your Venus is in, email us your birth information and we will send it to you before the talk.

Here is the link to register for this talk at WSAA’s website:

Washington State Astrologers Association | (waastrologers.org)

I am available for consultations if you would like to see how your astrology chart can help you connect with your true self, explore your life’s purpose, better understand relationships, or to help you find your right career direction. Contact us by email, phone, or through the “Services” tab on our website, to set up a session.

Email: Dpond11@gmail.com

Website: Davidpond.com

Phone: 360-918-8411

[narcissadeville]

I Turn Stolas and Blitz into Art! | Helluva Boss by Narcissa Deville In honor of the upcoming Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss I wanted to create a Stolitz inspired acrylic pour art. Like most everyone else I’m eagerly awaiting the release of the Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss, sometime this month (or perhaps by the time this video comes out already)— admittedly I came into the show later than most, in fact, by the time I started watching Helluva episode seven of season 2 had been out for almost a full month. And it wasn’t because I hadn’t watched the pilot for Hazbin and didn’t like it because I had watched that way back in 2020 and loved it, but for some reason, Helluva didn’t initially catch my eye. But my friend was pretty insistent that I should watch it so I did and needless to say I was hooked pretty quickly. I have such a deep love for Stolas and Blitz together, not quite the same as my love for Ozzie and Fizz or even Alastor and Angel (who of the three pairings isn’t even canon but that’s neither here nor there) so naturally I’m so excited to see where it goes. I’ve seen a lot of analysis of the mid-season ad drop and I gotta say I cannot wait. I’m especially excited for the possibility of John Waters being Leviathan. That’s ten kinds of iconic. Naturally, I do plan to do reviews because hey that’s what I do so expect that whenever the video drops. IN the meantime… One of the biggest challenges I had with this particular Stolitz inspired acrylic pour set is the same problem that I have with a lot of Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel projects I’ve done, a lot of the characters have very similar color schemes. Blitz, the litz part of Stolitz, has a color scheme like Alastor, Lucifer, Valentino, and probably Satan himself (we’ll find out soon enough) red, black, and white. And while I love the combination and I think I’ve managed to make acrylic pours and acrylic blowouts for Alastor in slightly varying ways, it’s always a challenge. I don’t want Blitz’s pour to look just like another Alastor project I’m working on. For Alastor, I’ve narrowed down the combination to a red-orange, blood red almost maroon color, white, and sparing black (a little bit really goes a long way with acrylic blowouts especially) to really create the perfect combo. For Blitz, I went for a sort of brighter red, with a lot more white being that he has a lot of white markings on him, as well as a bit of black and grey and I think altogether the combination worked well together. 🩷 ❤️ Want more Narcissa Deville? 🩷 ❤️ 🎬 YouTube https://youtube.com/narcissadeville 📸 Instagram https://ift.tt/4RoCjiw 💻 Website: https://ift.tt/i1zj7nk 📝 https://ift.tt/RXnVLHo ☕️ https://ift.tt/AsRLEM8 ❤️ Patreon https://ift.tt/Kngbwzr ✉️ Business Inquiries: info@narcissadeville.com Here on this channel, NarcissaDeville I create fandom-related art projects, do reviews for some of my favorite shows, makeup, and talk about LGBTQIA+ issues, every Tuesday. Join me, won’t you? #diy #diycrafts #helluvaboss #fizzarolli #asmodeus #fizzmodeus #fizzarozzie #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #hazbinhotel #hazbinhotelalastor #hazbinhotelart #hazbinhotelangeldust #radiodust #acrylicpouring #acrylicpour #acrylicblowout #blowout via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVaZE2sKYoY

[practically-an-x-man]

for your tattooed OCs: have they ever gotten (or given themselves) a bad tattoo? or one that they regret?

Ooooh thank you!!

Ophelia: Only has the one tattoo, Starry Night across her left hip, and would be super thorough about doing research before getting any other tattoos so she doesn't end up with any bad ones

Gia: Has a lot of tattoos of various plants and greenery, mostly to cover her scars from HYDRA's experimentation. Many of these are professionally-done, though she has given herself a few little doodles just to try it. They're kind of technically-shitty, but they're hidden amongst her larger tattoos and she kinda loves them anyway.

Jasper: Has two full sleeves (clockwork on one arm, colorful flowers on the other) and a series of moths down their back. They're also very careful about researching their artists so they don't get a bad tattoo, but they've traded stick-and-pokes with their friends in high school and there's still a very faint outline of a lopsided honeybee on their ankle. Eventually they want to get it covered, but it's not a priority.

Katherine: Eventually, since her best friend Jace is a tattoo apprentice, she'll let him use her as a canvas (Emily too, and he's grateful for the practice on some darker skin tones). She gets a realistic moon, there's a very small blowout along the far outline but otherwise it's a beautiful tattoo, and it is her only tattoo.

Quinn: Oh, she's tatted up!! Definitely the most tattoos of any of my OCs, though Jasper's a close second place. She's got all sorts of tattoo styles, all kinds of variations in quality, and there are definitely some bad ones in there. I mean, she's got an assortment of everything from professional work to "friend with a cheap tattoo machine" to college stick-and-pokes. Any of her tattoos with significant meaning to her, she'll go to a good shop since she wants it to be done right, but if it's an impromptu tattoo just for the sake of getting inked then she doesn't really care. And she doesn't really mind, in fact she's only ever gotten one cover-up - she grew up with a certain set of books and got a tattoo of a few magical creatures from that, but after 2020 had it covered up with the House on the Rock carousel from American Gods (with a much less terfy author, of course).

AJ: Only has one tattoo, a chameleon on her right forearm. She gets it at the end of her story, as a way to reclaim her identity (since it's very large and visible, it intentionally keeps her from being so easily-disguised like she was as an assassin). It's a well-done tattoo, but she's not sure if she wants any more or not.

[denimbex1986]

'The BAFTAs are this Sunday and in so many categories it feels like a fight between Poor Things and Oppenheimer, at least in the ones where Christopher Nolan’s near billion dollar blockbuster isn’t already the runaway frontrunner.

Whether it’s Best Film, Adapted Screenplay or Original Score, the two films seem in lockstep with each other. Were it not for the director snub of PT‘s Yorgos Lanthimos it might be even more competitive between the two films. But where Oppenheimer has a clear path in several below the categories (like Editing, Sound, Cinematography, Score), Poor Things not only has it to contend with but Barbie in categories like Production Design and Costume Design and unless we’re in for an unprecedented sweep for Oppy (not impossible), those are close races, especially the former, which has seen all three win at least one precursor so far.

Unsurprisingly, Oppenheimer and Poor Things also factor in three of the four acting races with the top two a real fight, just not with each other. Leading Actor is between Oppenheimer’s Cillian Murphy (who has the Golden Globe for Drama) and The Holdovers‘ Paul Giamatti (who has the Golden Globe for Comedy and Critics Choice). BAFTA, even with its voting structure merry-go-round, has seen fit to award the eventual Best Actor Oscar winner 15 times out of the last 20 years, only two of those time in the last 10 years. Of course, that includes just last year when Austin Butler (Elvis) bested Brendan Fraser (The Whale) and is really the only 1:1 comparison we have in the modern era with Fraser going on to win the Oscar. Both Murphy and Giamatti have hit everywhere and are the critics’ leaders with Murphy having the edge there in overall wins. But will Murphy ride the wave of his film’s potential awards blowout or is Giamatti poised to take full control of the race?...

One category Poor Things and Oppenheimer aren’t competing in, very surprisingly, is Best Casting. Only in its fifth year, there are no real trends or patterns to go off from, especially with the two top films left off the list completely. This category has seen Joker beat Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Rocks beating Best Film nominee Promising Young Woman and Elvis winning last year over All Quiet on the Western Front, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Triangle of Sadness and Aftersun. This year, three of the five nominees are also Best Film nominees: Anatomy of a Fall, The Holdovers and Killers of the Flower Moon. Then we have All of Us Strangers, which has six nominations including two acting nods and Best Director, and How to Have Sex, which is also nominated for Outstanding British Debut and Outstanding British Film (where AOUS is as well). Twice in those four years the winner was not nominated for Best Film but in the case of 2021’s West Side Story that film also had a Supporting Actress win with Ariana DeBose. Cast size doesn’t seem to be an overriding factor here either and four of the five nominees this year having small casts of just four or fives primary performers. While Anatomy and Holdovers seem like the safest bets here if voters want to vote for Strangers this is definitely its best shot at a win...

Here are my ranked winner predictions for the 2024 EE BAFTA Film Awards.

Best Film

Oppenheimer Poor Things Anatomy of a Fall The Holdovers Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Director

Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer Justine Triet, Anatomy of a Fall Jonathan Glazer, The Zone of Interest Alexander Payne, The Holdovers Bradley Cooper, Maestro Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers

Leading Actor

Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers Bradley Cooper, Maestro Colman Domingo, Rustin Barry Keoghan, Saltburn Teo Yoo, Past Lives

Supporting Actor

Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer Ryan Gosling, Barbie Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon Paul Mescal, All of Us Strangers Dominic Sessa, The Holdovers Jacob Elordi, Saltburn

Supporting Actress

Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer Sandra Hüller, The Zone of Interest Claire Foy, All of Us Strangers Rosamund Pike, Saltburn Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple

Casting

The Holdovers (Susan Shopmaker) All of Us Strangers (Kahleen Crawford) Anatomy of a Fall (Cynthia Arra) Killers of the Flower Moon (Ellen Lewis and Rene Haynes) How to Have Sex (Isabella Odoffin)

Adapted Screenplay

Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer Tony McNamara, Poor Things Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers Jonathan Glazer, The Zone of Interest Cord Jefferson, American Fiction

Outstanding British Film

Poor Things The Zone of Interest All of Us Strangers Napoleon How to Have Sex Saltburn Wonka Rye Lane Scrapper The Old Oak

Cinematography

Oppenheimer (Hoyte van Hoytema) Poor Things (Robbie Ryan) The Zone of Interest (Łukasz Żal) Maestro (Matthew Libatique) Killers of the Flower Moon (Rodrigo Prieto)

Editing

Oppenheimer (Jennifer Lame) Anatomy of a Fall (Laurent Sénéchal) Poor Things (Yorgos Mavropsaridis) The Zone of Interest (Paul Watts) Killers of the Flower Moon (Thelma Schoonmaker)

Production Design

Poor Things (Shona Heath, James Price, & Zsuzsa Mihalek) Barbie (Sarah Greenwood and Katie Spencer) Oppenheimer (Ruth De Jong and Claire Kaufman) Killers of the Flower Moon (Jack Fisk and Adam Willis) The Zone of Interest (Chris Oddy, Joanna Maria Kuś, & Katarzyna Sikora)

Costume Design

Poor Things (Holly Waddington) Barbie (Jacqueline Durran) Napoleon (Dave Crossman and Janty Yates) Killers of the Flower Moon (Jacqueline West) Oppenheimer (Ellen Mirojnick)

Make Up & Hair

Maestro (Sian Grigg, Kay Georgiou, Kazu Hiro, Lori McCoy-Bell Poor Things (Nadia Stacey, Mark Coulier, Josh Weston) Oppenheimer (Luisa Abel, Jaime Leigh McIntosh, Jason Hamer, Ahou Mofid) Napoleon (Jana Carboni, Francesco Pegoretti, Satinder Chumber, Julia Vernon) Killers of the Flower Moon (Kay Georgiou, Thomas Nellen)

Original Score

Oppenheimer (Ludwig Göransson) Poor Things (Jerskin Fendrix) Killers of the Flower Moon (Robbie Robertson) Saltburn (Anthony Willis) Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Daniel Pemberton)

Sound

Oppenheimer (Willie Burton, Richard King, Kevin O’Connell, Gary A. Rizzo) The Zone of Interest (Johnnie Burn, Tarn Willers) Maestro (Richard King, Steve Morrow, Tom Ozanich, Jason Ruder, Dean Zupancic) Ferrari (Angelo Bonanni, Tony Lamberti, Andy Nelson, Lee Orloff, Bernard Weiser) Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (Chris Burdon, James H. Mather, Chris Munro, Mark Taylor)...'

[ogwnostalgia]

Birthday/Full Moon/Anniversary Recap: An American Werewolf in London (1981) - (Recap #85)

Released on this day in 1981, An American Werewolf in London! Welcome to the recap where I try to do it all - my birthday (month) recap, full (blue) moon werewolf recap, and #OTD! I love this fucking movie, guys!

Title: An American Werewolf in London Director: John Landis Released: August 21, 1981 (USA) Description: Blending the macabre with a wicked sense of humor, director John Landis delivers a contemporary take on the classic werewolf tale in this story of two American tourists who, while traveling in London, find their lives changed forever when a vicious wolf attacks them during a full moon.…

[teenageanarchiist]

My Muses as John Mulaney Quotes

Isle Kids:

Ramsey Boogie - “Well, thank ya for askin’. I used the Bittenbinder method. When I saw the perp approachin’, I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm.”

Cyrus Frollo -  “‘I’m gonna leave the room, you undress to your comfort level.’ So I put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants, and I felt safe.”

Basilisk -  “Fourteen years ago, I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now I’m afraid to get a flu shot. People change.”

Charles Clayton - “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. My wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.”

Grace Gothel -  “God, I guess they’re finally going to kill us all. All right. This is younger than I thought I would be, but we are pretty big assholes.”

Hector Hook -  “Part of me was like, whatever, you know. You know those days when you’re like this might as well happen? Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

Auradon Kids:

Fiona Fitzherbert - “Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you. Okay, see you at improv practice.”

Q. Gabriel Hugo -  “I am six feet tall. I lower myself, I go, "Hi. Knock, knock.” I say “knock, knock” out loud….”

Jasper Skellington -  “I don’t know. I know you told me. But I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.”

Gunnar Olsen - “I’m trying to stay nice though, because when I was a kid, I was raised that you should be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. But now, at the end of my life, I don’t know, because a lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world.”

Morgan - “Percentage-wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you are supposed to do them. In terms of, like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.”

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

Even my fanart equivalent of giving Saiki a hair makeover backcombed blowout with a metric fuck tone of mousse and texturizer can possibly be traced back to Mytho and his ridiculous full bodied locks like the face of a gardenia or a full moon on crack fuck you fuck you fuck you and die

[richincolor]

Pixels of You by Ananth Hirsh, Yuko Ota, J.R. Doyle (Artist)

A human and human-presenting AI slowly become friends—and maybe more—in this moving YA graphic novel

In a near future, augmentation and AI changed everything and nothing. Indira is a human girl who has been cybernetically augmented after a tragic accident, and Fawn is one of the first human-presenting AI. They have the same internship at a gallery, but neither thinks much of the other’s photography. But after a huge public blowout, their mentor gives them an ultimatum: work together on a project or leave her gallery forever. Grudgingly, the two begin to collaborate, and what comes out of it is astounding and revealing for both of them. Pixels of You is about the slow transformation of a rivalry to a friendship to something more as Indira and Fawn navigate each other, the world around them—and what it means to be an artist and a person.

Review: My journey to this graphic novel began years and years ago. In my college days, I was a huge fan of Yuko Ota and Ananth Hirsh's webcomic Johnny Wander, which was collected into a massive tome titled Our Cats Are More Famous Than Us: A Johnny Wander Collection. (And if you haven't checked out Johnny Wander, I highly recommend that you do -- it's a delightful slice of life, everyday webcomic that will bring a smile to your face.) So I've been following along for quite a while, and when I saw that these two amazing creators were teaming up with J.R. Doyle, another artist I love, I was over the moon. I've been pretty excited for Pixels of You, full disclosure.

I'm not entirely sure what I expected of Pixels of You, but what I got was quiet, thoughtful, and surprising. It's a moving meditation on AI, technology, art, and ethics while also being a visually rich story following a cybernetically augmented girl and a human-presenting AI who butt heads but must work together during their photography internship.

To be honest, I don't think Pixels of You was fully my cup of tea -- but that's a matter of personal preference when it comes to graphic novels. It's ultimately a thought-provoking and powerful read. What really gave the story direction for me was the chapter openers highlighting AI and technological dilemmas and events that rang a little too familiar. Especially with how much AI has been in the news lately, it really brought issues of ethics and technology to the forefront of my mind.

If you're looking for a gorgeous and thoughtful read, definitely check out Pixels of You -- it's definitely relevant to the times we're living in. I'm looking forward to whatever these creators work on next.

Recommendation: Get it soon or borrow it someday.

[saturniandevil]

March 2022 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast’s forecast. We’re going into this month off the energy of a Venus-Mars conjunction on March 16th. Mars is exalted in Capricorn and will conjoin Pluto on the 3rd, and close by Venus will hit Pluto this month as well. Venus is/has exited her shadow post-rx preiod on March 1st, marks. She's leaving her retrograde shadow a few days into March but remains in a rough place for most of the month. After she surpasses Mars, Saturn is right ahead of her (exact conjunction on the 28th at 21♒️, with Mars close by too). We enter the month with separation in relationships, building up to coldness and restraint, until she finally enters her exaltation Pisces early in April. Chris also reminds us that retrogrades in general often signify more a sequence of events than a singular one, a story which becomes clearer in retrospect. Austin says the outcome may be easier to predict, but the path it takes will still surprise us.

March 2nd: New Moon in Pisces Exact at 12♓, the Moon will immediately conjoin Jupiter, giving us some optimism. However the Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunction at 27♑ and the Mercury-Saturn conjunction at 18♒️ mean that 3 sets of planets are in close conjunction all at the same time. In general Jupiter-ruled signs are times of year anticipating birth (Sagittarius) and rebirth (Pisces) in the Christian liturgical calendar, giving us some expectations of divinity or preparing ourselves for the divine. Jupiter also brings us morality and ideas of order in the universe--we hope to be the agents of good. Jupiter prompts us to take a leap of faith, experience the totality of the cosmos, and especially in Pisces, the realm of the invisible. Also considering the loose conjunction to Neptune, we've got experiences that can't be explained but can't be denied.

The New Moon is also sextile Uranus the revolutionary. When Uranus  cooperates with Jupiter, we can get reform (Jupiter, after all, signifies judges and politicians). With the Mercury-Saturn conjunction in Aquarius, we've got structural challenges & pressures getting inspected & diagnosed. Rather than general worry about our Aquarius house, we can get the full account from our scribe Mercury and apply Saturn's discipline to rectify problems. While Jupiter encourages us, these two dry planets will prompt us to think coldly.

With the Mars-Venus-Pluto conjunction we see a return of themes from Venus's retrograde station on Pluto in December. Venus is finally passing the degree where she stationed and entering new territory, but now Mars is here. We may think of this as a Faustian bargian getting reevaluated, and with Mars in both his sign and exact degree of exaltation (27-28♑️) Venus isn't going to be able to help hold him back. Pluto takes the small things and makes them bigger, so Mars may bring us strife over such topics. The story may change when Venus & Mars enter Aquarius--Venus is strategically letting Mars blowout right now and can move in to negotiate during the aftermath. Overall Mars is in a position to make deep, cool power moves under the surface, with Venus standing by to reap in the spoils of war.

March 2nd: Chris’s Electional chart for the Month Around 10:45AM local time with Gemini Rising and Mercury right on the midheaven (in the 9th house). This is great for publishing and education, and with the Sun-Moon-Jupiter in the 10th house it's great for career as well. However 8th house matters aren't great with Mars in the 8th in a day chart. However, there are a lot of good elections this month considering Jupiter’s transit in Pisces.

March 4th: Jupiter-Sun cazimi/exact conjunction (not pictured) Jupiter may have ingressed several weeks ago,but now he's really coming into his own in the sign. Jupiter hasn't transited his own sign since late 2019 (Sagittarius), so perhaps there's a light at the end of the tunnel  after the winter of the last few years. Jupiter helps us believe things can be improved through our actions--not just hope things that will work out. Jupiter also switches from evening rising to morning rising after the cazimi, which is a more powerful position for the planet. Thus we have Jupiter in his strongest phase of his own sign. With Saturn & Aquarius activity involved, we can think about the themes of doubt and testing of faith--in ideologies or systems of government as much as belief systems.

March 6th: Mars & Venus enter Aquarius together Venus and Mars will conjoin in Aquarius next, which will have a radically different feeling than the Capricorn one (see New Moon for more). Mars is exalted in Capricorn, and Venus has triplicity rulership but not much strength overall. Once they enter Aquarius together the two planets will be copresent with Saturn, its ruler. Venus will overtake Mars on March 6th, and later in the month they'll both run into Saturn. You may say Saturn is here to discipline Mars & Venus, although with the square to Uranus mid-month, there'll be a bit of a food fight first. Mars has been sparking the Saturn-Uranus conjunction and will do so more loosely now, with Venus involved as well. We've had other conjunctions in early degrees of Aquarius line up with events of the pandemic and vaccines: Mars-Saturn at 0Aq corresponded to the March-April 2020 lockdowns in many countries and the Jupiter-Saturn conjunction at 0Aq in December 2020 coincided with vaccines first being available, so this Mars-Venus activity may activate another turning point at this sensitive degree. This is also the first time Mars and Saturn have been copresent in 2 years--since the early phases of lockdown in 2020. What will reset, and will we be able to tackle the same challenges with new eyes? Guest host Christopher Renstrom points out that last time we had a pileup in these signs was during the AIDS crisis, and although many expected society to be able to handle a similar situation better next time, arguably we didn't.

March 9th: Mercury enters Pisces Though Mercury is traditionally detriment, Jupiter is copresent to help him try and analyze the bigger picture.

March 18th: Full Moon in Virgo Venus squares Uranus the next day, Mars squares Uranus a few days later. This lunation also trines the Taurus degree of the lunar eclipse back in November. Tensions are coming to a head, and we may see the continuation of eclipse events if that affected your chart. The Sun in Pisces (with Jupiter & Neptune nearby) is dreaming big, but the opposing Moon in Virgo asks us about the details and implementation. There is a path for us to take towards realizing them, as Mercury and Jupiter, the Moon's and Sun's rulers, are also in conjunction.

March 19th: Venus squares Uranus (not pictured) ...who's in her sign of Taurus. Aside from volatility, Uranus can also mean surprise reversals, so we may find ourselves in a better position than we were in before when the rules of the game change abruptly. Venus is also riding the intensity and passion of the conjunction with Mars and Pluto, while anticipating Saturn's sobriety on the horizon at the end of the month. Uranus-Venus can bring us no-strings-attached relationships, new pleasures from doing something new and different, and newfound awareness of changes we knew needed to happen. We can get on-again off-again dynamics, where people go back to relationships they swear they'd never go back to, or break up just to make up right away. We may also see sudden changes in the partner's financial status depending on how this interacts with nativities.

March 20th: Sun enters Aries (Vernal Equinox) Spring begins in the Northern Hemisphere! The Sun is ruled by Mars, who will square Uranus two days later. Austin says that because it's the beginning of the astrological year & a time where many do mundane predictions for the year ahead, the Mars-Venus-Saturn dynamics in place during this ingress will be cemented for the upcoming year. However Christopher thinks that Venus might play her surprise trump card during this time.

March 22nd: Mars squares Uranus (not pictured) We'll see more quickening or speeding up of conflicts. This aspect also precedes the Mars-Uranus-North Node conjunction in Taurus coming up in August. Mars's expectations may be reversed or upset, or the situation may come out feeling like a tinderbox struck by lightning. We can also get figurative (or literal) game-changing superweapons (the first nuclear bombs were dropped under a Mars-Uranus conjunction). Mercury conjoins Neptune the next day (March 23rd), so the key challenge is to maintain clear communication.

March 27th: Mercury enters Aries

Going into April... Chris says overall March ends on a cliffhanger, leading into aspects that will culminate in early April (one of the more dynamic months this year). For example, we've been building up to a Jupiter-Neptune conjunction in Pisces (exact April 9th) and a Mars-Saturn conjunction in Aquarius early April. Chris says Mars-Saturn alignments have been lining up with the emergence of new variants, although this is also the first conjunction since the one that marked big lockdowns in much of the world in early 2020, and could signal a wrapping-up of sorts. In general Mars contacting a stronger Saturn can either have us going nowhere fast or relentlessly pursuing our goals. We can also get very heavy-handed law and order, with Saturn the general directing Mars the soldier. Meanwhile strong Neptune-Jupiter mysticism, paranoia and conspiracy theories resist rational Aquarian science. Christopher predicts fission between the spiritual and the scientific becoming more pronounced during this time: are you on the side of law & order or standing by your inexplicable experiences? You may be prompted to pick a side.

Overall issues, tensions and frustrations in the Aquarius houses of our charts may come to a head, so remember how things went there in early 2020 and look for mystical, creative, or higher-power reprieve in Pisces matters. Any planets in Cancer are also getting lots of trines from the Pisces stuff and off-aspect from the Aquarius, while Scorpio planets will get squares & trines at the same time from the two signs: each sign is feeling one or the other or both of these conjunctions. Narrow your focus to whatever needs to be done with Mars-Saturn, and open up your perspective for Neptune-Jupiter. It's a great time for any artists to take advantage of the blurring between conscious and unconscious minds--any seeds planted will be nurtured by "psychedelic super rain" (in Austin's words).

[lifeofyellowpearl]

Yellow Pearl Goes Over Old Files: The Diversion Agreement

Of the hundreds of files present on my holo-screen, my eyes fixed upon yet another of personal significance. Its personal meaning, found not within its content but within my experience surrounding the controversy brought upon by its abrupt inception. It is suspected, though seldom acknowledged, that the current resource crisis, which has come to define Era 2, had long been foreseen by White Diamond. And that in its earliest beginnings, the eldest ruler had begun making turns for redistribution of resources as well as redelegation of personnel. It is doubtless to me, with that in mind, that it was her surreptitious need for redelegation which prompted White to do what she did. Though I had heard whispers of Pink Diamond’s violent tendencies, I had never seen first-hand the full extent of her rage. That is, never until that fateful day.

I still had the duty of serving Pink Diamond as her temporary pearl since White Diamond had yet to provide a suitable replacement for the one she seized from the neophyte ruler. We had just returned to the moon base from a particularly clamorous meeting over which Pink was still fuming. Much to Pink’s greatest annoyance, White had made the unilateral decision to divert 10,000 Lapis Lazuli away from the construction of Pink’s colony. To the end that they may be redelegated to other projects throughout White’s Jurisdiction.

To make such a call without even bothering to alert - let alone consult with - Pink Diamond was not only a measure yet unheard of but a gesture of great disrespect. That White Diamond had violated the very protocol she, herself, ratified in making such a discourteous move infuriated Pink all the more. When word of this reached the young diamond, an emergency meeting was convened at which even Blue and Yellow Diamond expressed marked shock and discontent at White’s thoughtless action. And so, to placate her peers, White Diamond agreed that the order for redelegation would be - hastily - rewritten into a “mutual agreement” between White and Pink, requiring the signatures of both parties. Pink was not happy with this arrangement - especially considering that the gesture was all but purely symbolic. But, at the very least, she would be allowed to retain the Lapis Lazuli of terraform company 16. A company comprised of some of the finest that Homeworld has to offer. Pink also managed, after throwing a tantrum presenting her arguments, to secure the promise that White would no longer make attempts to divert resources away from Pink’s colony. These admittedly meager concessions were enough to earn Pink Diamond’s signature - albeit after some gentle convincing from Blue Diamond. But alas, it was not enough to quell Pink’s fury over the entire affair.

And so, for the very first time, there at the Earth Colony moon base, I was able to bear witness to one of the emotional blowouts for which the Pink Diamond was infamous. “I can’t believe her! Why would she do that! Why would she think I’d be okay with this??” Pink angrily paced, following no strict path or predictable direction, as she continued her tirade over what White had tried to do, “Oh but of course when I break the rules, it’s this huge goodman deal, but when she does it, it’s perfectly fine?? What even is that?? How is that FAIR?? I just… I can’t even….GAAAAAA!!!!”

I watched on as Pink, lost in the whirlwinds of her own rage, marched over to one of the glass panes of the base’s dome; upon which she took out her frustrations with a steady cascade of thunderous strikes. With every punch that Pink brought against the glass, I swear the moon itself trembled as though its very surface were jolted by the force of one thousand nuclear blasts! Truly it was a terrifying sight! As the rhythmic assault continued on, cracks in the pane began to appear, spread, and multiply; stoking mental imagery of potential disaster in which we are depressurized from the base as a result of the pane’s shattering.

Even more frightening were recollections of the injury sustained by Pink Diamond’s erstwhile pearl. An injury the poor gem was loath to discuss, as talks of its causation were a source of nothing but great anxiety and anguish for Pink’s loyal servant. Nevertheless, I had my suspicions of what - that is to say ‘who’ - caused that unfortunate pearl’s trauma. And seeing Pink Diamond now, in this truly horrific state, served to confirm my suspicions were correct. With this in mind, I was certain to maintain my distance and allot Pink the time she needed to fully release her anger. I did my best to remain at attention, in spite of the full-body tremors brought upon by the terror I was feeling at that moment. 

As time went on, the frequency of her pulsating strikes began to decrease. Until, at last, her onslaught came to an end and the final echoes of her thunderous rapping gave way to the default silence of this desolate place. The silence, however, did little to ease my nerves. For Pink Diamond now stood rigid and sullen with balled fists down at her sides, mumbling expletives through gritted teeth. Pink’s titanic fury had not died. It had only moved inward; barely concealing itself just beneath the surface of her inner gem. To this very day, I can still safely declare that at that moment, I was more frightened than I had ever been before or since.

My thoughts wandered back to Pink’s former pearl as many of her idiosyncrasies began to make sense to me. The ease with which she startled, the frequent hand tremors, and, most telling of all, her occasional hesitation in returning to her diamond’s side when summoned back from the pearl chamber. “I do hope her elders didn’t upset her too much.” I once heard her say. What I initially thought to be a statement of selfless concern, I now recognize to have been an expression of self-preserving fear. Indeed, that pearl had seen, known, and personally experienced, the truest extent of Pink Diamonds capabilities.

All of this, I was contemplating when my thoughts were interrupted by the tone of an incoming message. Still on edge, I fumbled with my holo-screen until I was finally able to answer the call. A Lapis Lazuli appeared on my screen. It was then commander of Terraform company 16, 528’s predecessor. I don’t remember her facet or her cabochon, and due to the circumstances leading to her unfortunate stranding on that doleful planet, such identifying information was blacked out on any and all files in which she is mentioned. I struggled to gather myself, “This is the Yellow -Er - White…” I had to pause and take a breath, “Sorry. This is the Pink Diamond control room.”

“Yeah, hey...” The Commander replied with an air of mild vexation, “I’m calling about the proposal my company sent to Pink Diamond?”

“Proposal? Which one?”

The commander nearly rolled her eyes. But she knew better than to let slip such an expression of disrespect when speaking of a diamond - unlike her loathsome colleague, 528. She did, however, sharply inhale before pursing her lips, I assume to prevent the quiet utterance of an expletive eager to escape her breath. “Uh, yeah. It was the proposal about a stretch of land that was originally reserved for the construction of a city. Peridots in my company have found that this land would be better suited for a kindergarten and that the city could be moved further north.” The Commander awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck “I eh...heh...I forwarded that proposal to Pink Diamond several weeks ago, and the city planner is really getting on my case.” Her nervous laughter did little to mask her exasperation.

I had to ponder for a moment before I remembered, “Oh yes, of course” I replied, “how could I forget such...wait, has Pink Diamond still not gotten back to you on that?”

“Nope.” The Commander’s frustration was still actively tempered but no less apparent, “Nope. Nope. Not at all. I mean, I get it. Pink Diamond’s busy but...I kinda need an answer so if you could just...”

“I’m sorry, but now’s not really a good time.” Of course now wasn’t a good time! Now was quite literally the worst possible time! I had no intention of disturbing Pink Diamond now. Not while she was in this horrible state. I’ll admit it, I was frustrated with Pink. I didn’t want to be, but I couldn’t help it. I had forwarded that proposal to her the moment I received it because I understood it’s importance. I marked it to be saved under her “high priority” tab and even let her know that the proposal was there, waiting for her reply. She acknowledged it but was so distracted by the images of “Earth’s beauty” - her words, certainly not mine - that it likely slipped her notoriously absent mind.

The Commander took another deep breath. I could already see that her forced politeness was dissipating, “Well, here’s the thing. The city planner is threatening to move forward and break ground, so I need an answer. Like...right now.”

“I understand, commander but with all due respect…”

“Please...don’t ‘with all due respect’ me. I have waited patiently for weeks, and I am running out of time. I need to know what to tell the city planner, and I need to know immediately.”

“Commander please, listen-”

“No, you listen…” I watched, over the course of our interaction, as The Commander’s demeanor change from a forced civility, to an abject annoyance, to a calm sternness, “When word gets back to the Diamond Authority that a city was built on top of a potential kindergarten without Pink Diamond’s knowledge, they’re going to be asking why she wasn’t made aware of that land’s viability before we went ahead with construction. They’re going to wonder why Pink Diamond wasn’t given a chance to make a final call. Do you understand what I’m saying?” 

I sighed. I did understand. Someone would be held responsible for ultimately allowing tons of raw material to go to waste. That someone couldn’t be a diamond, and The Commander was making it clear that that someone wouldn’t be her. I could see it, now - stained on my record in bright red lettering, ‘Failure to forward vital information to her superior.’ Such an error would not be easily forgiven. The Commander wasn’t giving me a choice, “I understand.” I said, resigned, “I will remind Pink Diamond of your proposal, immediately.”

There was a sigh of relief followed by a brief moment of silence. The sternness with which The Commander addressed me had gone. Replaced by what appeared to be a twinge of remorseful understanding, “Look...I heard about what’s been going on, and I understand that Pink Diamond isn’t exactly in the best mood right now. But this shouldn’t cause too much of a fuss, right? All I need is ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ That’s it.”

“Yes...of course.”

“Thank you...good luck.” We both signed off with an unspoken understanding that this would not, in fact, be easy. But it was necessary. I turned to Pink, who was still facing the damaged pane, her back turned to me. Still seething. Still grumbling. Still ruminating. I began my approach slowly and methodically, so as not to startle the irate diamond. I could almost feel the ire radiating from her person as I got closer. Once directly behind her, I cleared my throat in an, albeit immature, attempt to grab Pink’s attention. It seemed to have worked as her head raised slightly. Yet, she did not turn to face me. I took a deep breath, mustering every ounce of courage that I had at my disposal, “Sorry to disturb you My Di-”

“Now now…” She growled those words with a quiet intensity that would send a chill down the back of even the most hardened quartz.

I truly wanted nothing more than to leave Pink Diamond be. Unfortunately, the situation obligated me to press further, “My Diamond, please. This is very impor-”

“I said, ‘not now’” again, I was shaken by her simmering inflection. But time was of the essence. I couldn’t let up.

And so, pushing aside the remainder of my apprehension, I made one final, more forceful, attempt, “My Diamond, I beg of you. We really need your…”

“SHUT UP!!!” In a single, rapid, fluid motion, Pink whipped around! For a fleeting second, I looked into the eyes of the frightful, raging diamond! Words could never describe that hateful look in her eyes! Much less the true extent of the fear it struck. But it was only for a second that I was able to catch a glimpse of that hideous gaze. For the very next second, I was off the ground! In the air! Ascending! Flying! Then falling!

I have no recollection of the moment I hit the floor. I can only recall the moment immediately thereafter. I was lying on my back, staring up into the heavens through the glass dome above. Only half-aware of what had just transpired. My ears were ringing. My mind was abuzz. I was all but deafened by the cacophony of voices of my now panicked inner-pearls. As the moment went by, the voices began to fade as my cruelest inner pearl regained her dominance over the rabble. Once I recovered the full extent of my faculties, I was able to hear her voice, loud and clear; just as biting and scornful as always. You stupid clod! You stupid idiot clod! You stupid worthless idiot piece of filth clod!! You just had to push her, didn’t you? This is what happens when you forget your place!! You’ve killed us! Do you understand? You’ve killed us!! You’ve killed us!!

‘You’ve killed us.’ Over and over that statement rang through my head until I was finally able to surmise it’s very grim, very literal meaning. Without looking, I placed my hand over my gem and shuttered internally when I felt the rapidly spreading cracks. In that moment, I thought of what I could have done differently. Of what I could have done better. I knew how Pink Diamond was. I knew how forgetful she was. I should have anticipated that the proposal would slip her mind. Why didn’t I remind her? Why didn’t I at least ask about its status? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I do more? I should have been more proactive! I should have been more tactful! I should have been more careful! There was little room for doubt. I was dying, and it was my fault. Stupid clod. I thought to myself, look what you made her do. Stupid...stupid clod. Though I knew that I was static, it felt as though my body were sinking, and it appeared as though the stars above were receding away, further into the ether. I felt that the heavens themselves were judging me, mocking me. And, of course, they were right to do so.

It wasn’t too much longer before I heard the rapid, approaching footsteps of a now panicked diamond. “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” Before long, Pink Diamond came into view. She knelt down over me, clasping her head in both of her hands with a look of frenzied concern. “OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod!!!” In a gesture far outside the realms of social acceptability, Pink bent down and embraced me, cradling my head in her hands as she rocked back and forth, all the while hyperventilating. With my cheek now pressed against hers, I could feel the tears streaming down her face, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” No. This wasn’t right. A diamond should never find reason to apologize to a pearl. I wanted ever so badly to remind her that the fault was mine and mine alone! That it should be me apologizing to her! That I was the one to provoke her. And now, thanks to my worthless stupidity, I have caused even further distress! I wanted so much to tell her all of this, but I found myself, for reasons unspecified, yet unable to speak. 

Pink Diamond then pressed her face against my chest, sobbing into my gem, releasing my head to hang limp and allowing me another view of the stars above. There was no room for doubt. The heavens were indeed judging me. 

“I’m sorry!” Pink cried, “I’m so sorry!” as her tears made contact with my gem, I could feel the cracks disappearing and my body regaining its vigor. It was as though Pink’s tears had healed me of the very injuries she inflicted. I was then able to raise my head and see Pink, yet unaware of my rejuvenation, still crying into my gem. Making for a somewhat awkward situation.

“My...Diamond?” Pink pulled away, seeing that she had healed me. She embraced me again, now overjoyed. “Oh, thank the stars!” she exclaimed. She got up and helped me to my feet, “I am so sorry. I-I don’t know what came over me! I was angry at the other diamonds and I just.” There she goes, again. I hated that she felt the need to apologize. Or, to be more accurate, I hated that I made her feel like she had to apologize. As if I didn’t feel terrible enough, what Pink said next still makes me cringe to this day, “Can you ever forgive me?” 

I bowed my head in absolute shame. That I had driven a diamond to the point of asking me, a pearl, for forgiveness was a misdeed that I could hardly bear. “There’s...nothing to forgive, My Diamond.” I whispered, “It was my fault. I’m the one who should be sorry...”

Silence. I didn’t dare look up at Pink, though I suspect she still felt guilty for what had transpired. Perhaps she wanted to say something to ease my distress. But there was nothing that she could have said. I am her pearl. The responsibility was, and always will be mine. 

I suspect it was her realization that nothing could be said to ease my feelings of shame and self-loathing, which prompted her to change the subject, “Um...right. So what was it that you needed?” 

In the frenzie, I had nearly forgotten. I, too, wanted nothing more than to put this conflict behind us. And so, I gathered myself and stood at attention to properly address Pink Diamond, “Oh...yes. Um, The Commander of Terraform Company 16 requested your response to a proposal. She had sent you. It was the…”

“Oh god! The proposal!” Pink exclaimed with a gasp. Pink brought up her holo-screen and anxiously scrolled through her inbox. “Gah! I can’t believe I forgot about that! Where was it? Where was it?”

“It should be at the top of your ‘high-priority’ tab, My Diamond” I said.

Following my suggestion, Pink found the proposal. “Oh! There it is! Now what was it…?” Pink tapered off as she went to sit on her throne, now fully engrossed in her current task. It seemed she had almost immediately forgotten about the preceding events. I went to take my place next to Pink Diamond. Standing at attention as she carried out her tasks. The rest of that day was largely uneventful, but that conflict would remain fresh in my mind. Amazingly, the same couldn’t have been said for Pink. For her, it really was though the whole thing never happened. 

As I observed this, I remembered something else Pink Diamond’s former pearl once said of her, “What I really admire about Pink Diamond is how quickly she’s able to forgive herself. She almost never dwells on her actions for long. Why, she hardly dwells on them at all! I sure wish I were like that!” ------

Author’s Note: Hey guys. Finally got around to posting another entry. Sorry about the delay but the truth is, I haven’t been doing well. Like...at all. Don’t wanna get into specifics but everything is kinda been falling apart, lol 😅. This may seem weird but if you don’t mind, I could use some words of encouragement if you get ‘em Anyway, here’s the Diversion Agreement. Making these documents has been surprisingly fun. They certainly make for a nice distraction, lol