#i wanted phoenix to suffer SO BAD

[sceebybeeby]

hi *runs away like a scared foal*

(⚠️body horror, SH/sui ideation past read more⚠️)

the nice house on the lake au ^^ it's one of my favorite horror comics as of late. the basic premise is that this guy, walter, takes 10 people to this lake house in wisconsin, and while they're having a nice vacation the world is ending outside of this bubble. it's like an opposite weirdmageddon situation. good book 👍 alas i am brained so i can't enjoy it without combining it with another thing i like. anyway

(⚠️the note has the SH/sui ideation⚠️) panel redraws

misc doodles ig lol

[hollowflight-propaganda]

I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....

Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?

[rememberingpunday]

I would like to be done suffering

[sammydem0n64]

The whole plot of Crumbled! (at least the main plot since several characters aren’t. Involved in that. Funny side plots and characters baby!) is how organized crime affects people, inside of it and out. It’s how members of the mob don’t have anything else they can do in life aside from the life of crime, it’s how the general public are harmed by organized crime even if they aren’t being targeted personally, it’s how being a member of this lifestyle can destroy or build your relationships, it’s how no one is pure evil or pure good, it’s the complexity of people while also being about The Horrors.

No one here faces “traditional consequences” to their actions, aside from a few. Hershey doesn’t go to jail, Donna doesn’t die, etc etc. This is a story that doesn’t need those consequences. From day 1 you know these characters are doing horrible things, and at the same time these characters learn and fully comprehend they’re doing bad things. The most they get as “traditional retribution” is how some of their personal relationships are affected. Aside from that, these fuckers dont NEED what the masses would deem a traditional consequence because the entire fucking plot is them going through the horrors because of their actions! Being in the mafia and seeing and doing horrible things while having to just live with it is a pretty damn good “consequence” to me! Melphis doesn’t need to go to jail because “he needs to suffer the consequences of his actions” when every single damn day he suffers‼️

Even if Cheon’s family isn’t destroyed, even if the Oreona family doesn’t ostracize it’s members that are criminals, even if the extremes aren’t reached in these “consequences” there’s still a damn effect!!! But at the end of the day like I said these guys suffer the consequences of their actions constantly so they don’t need jail time or death or anything like that oh my god. And if you think that’s wrong and makes me romanticize, endorse or fucking glorify the mafia because Melphis doesn’t get locked up and only two members of the Oreo Gang die in the end then OHHHHHH GROW UP‼️ GROW UP‼️‼️

[littlestpersimmon]

Guy with cataracts and scarred from an explosion has a fail toymaking shop in front of a rundown temple and he has a crush on a disfigured lowly priestess whom he suspects is a stealth trans guy because she always picks the boy option when they play board games (he’s right btw)

He's from Kalantiaw, but his mom is diaspora, and I thought her to be half "Japanese" (coded) - still trying to figure out how japanese ethnicities come to play.

She was a sailor turned pirate. She didn't know the language spoken in Kalantiaw (more akin to Khmer), and she spoke a different language (more austronesian), and she named him Kahilingan, which means "wish". But in Kalantiaw, where she settled, his name means "curse" or "bad omen" 💀 it doesn't help that her life ended with the beginning of his. So.

Kahi spends much of his life chasing the image of his mom and trying to.... live up to her- because sailing is the most esteemed occupation in their world. Only very very very very very few people have managed to work on "dragonships".

Basically, their world is physically broken (like living on an asteroid belt) and they sail to and fro each sundering / country on specialized stone ships called "dragonships" / "bakunawa"- and the ships themselves are semi-alive? They're like.. Stone ships laminated with the spirits of devas and dragons and other great beings who have all died because of (redacted).

Anyway, his mom, Maaya, was a renowned sailor- she tamed a dragonship that was imbued with an infamously wild dragon called Duksa- Dragonships are Sponsored, but those who sponsor the ships are almost never in command, and they also easily lose ownership to their hired captains- because the ships themselves are sentient, and they never obey anyone who they deem are incapable of commanding them. Only Maaya could control Duksa hehe. So she became known throughout all their world as this wild woman who loved fast boats and only accepted voyage commissions "if they are very fun". Anyways blah blah blah she fell in love w Kahi's other parent (who is nonbinary) and she got pregnet with him. And they eventually settled in Kalantiaw, in it's countryside near the subterranean capital (Kamharik).

Kahi always annoyed his other parent abt his mom because he too wanted to meet Duksa, but his parent kept warning him not to go near the ship because after Maaya died, it went even more mad with grief. Kahi more of an engineer than a captain like his mom, but his goal was simply to acquaintance with Duksa rather than actually captain her. But Duksa did not accept anyone, not even anyone who was part of Maaya's original crew.. Kahi went to an apprenticeship on shipbuilding-

he became somewhat popular for being clever with his hands, and all around Kalantiaw, everyone thought of him as reliable and very creative when it came to problem solving. So he went from normal ships to fixing dragonships.. ..

The Greatest dragonships are ones that are imbued with the spirits of actual ancient dragons and qilin, bc some are imbued with "lesser" dragons or false dragons, and some are with non-dragon albeit great spirits- like minor gods, wind spirits, phoenix,naga, etc etc..

Duksa was a true and great dragon, and Kahi knew that she was suffering from severe neglect, so all he wanted was to patch her up-

Everyone, every single one of Kahi's peers discouraged him, bc it is known that anyone who even approaches her is immediately kilIed by her; but Kahi, he is different. When he approaches Duksa, she was a shadow of herself, a ghost ship- She senses Maaya, and she even thought that Kahi was her at first- so she lets Kahi patch her big crabclaw sails, fixed her boilers and really tried to replicate how she used to look when Maaya lived.. and Duksa didn't know it wasn't her, because her eyes were covered in barnacles.. The "eyes" of a dragonship is its lodestar, and Kahi was purposefully saving it for last because he is frightened of what Duksa could do to him;;

But before that, Duksa spoke to him, joked like "ah beauty, what happened to you?! Your voice sounds like you swallowed a frog.. are you ill? Why did you abandon me?" Fhjsjs

"Why are your hands so gentle now? I want you to be rough!! Stop this at once! I am not old!"

But when Kahi started scraping finally at the lodestar, and he opened Duksa's eyes to the world once more, she cried in great anger because who tf was this intruder! And why did he carry Maaya's spirit with him !!!

Her entire deck creaked so hard the floorboards broke again, and she swayed her whole body so Kahi nearly fell from the lodestar;; he tried to reason with her, and it sort of mirrors how his mom tamed Duksa. She barrelled in head on and confidently, but Kahi was meek and gentle.

Eitherway.. an angry dragonship is like highly radioactive, its like being in a storm in a contained environment, and she started puffing steam- it's like microdosing being in fukushima; And she called Kahi a fool, he'll never measure up to Maaya, he will never be her- aaaah, but she didn't kiIl him. Maybe because she knew he was Maaya's boy. She warned him never to return, and tossed him into the open shallows. So, he was absolutely brokenhearted. He was 19.

~intense lonely lovestory between him and a closeted trans guy raised by mean transphobic priestesses in a cult the antithesis of a loving and wise lesbian death goddess occurs.~

There she is.. her name is Viharana Magayarin

Names-

Maaya's name is spelled a certain way in kanji, I want it to mean "True"

Duksa's name is Tagalog, it means "grief"

Kahilingan's name is tagalog- and it means "wish". Inspired from.. in tagalog, "curse" is a contronym of sorts- "curse" and "promise" is the same word ("sumpa")

Kahi's trans boyfriend's name is Tala, and it means "star" 😌

[periwinkla]

Maya Fey's character is written in such a charmingly, heart wrenchingly subtle way. She has to face all manners of tragedy, but she always has that smile on her face and presses on, feigning happiness and lightheartedness. It's honestly somewhat disturbing. How can someone smile so seemingly easily after such tragedy? Can you imagine going to your sister’s workplace, expecting to spend a quiet evening together, and instead... you see a slumped silhouette against the wall of the window? She spawns the most crazy things out of her mouth just to fill the silence sometimes. Why? Sure, it may be for the game's comic relief… but sometimes it appears a tad forced? Like it’s because she wants to build a relationship with Phoenix - like her sister asked her - and doesn't quite know how to. He’s the only person that can understand what she’s going through. She’s suffering. He’s suffering. So she needs to fill the silence somehow. And she drags him along most times, she is the one that decides they should take Power’s case, after all. After Edgeworth's trial she feels useless (even though she clearly was the reason Phoenix could save him... can you believe she just charged in against Von Karma? that's insane) and goes back home to resume her training so she can help Phoenix again. After Edgeworth's ‘death’, Phoenix didn't keep in touch. Although she didn’t know about Edgeworth, she knew that the whole year had been hard on them both in the first place... so she grew worried, and basically bargained with her client to go and get him and drag him to Kurain. Phoenix can get back into taking cases just because she's there to cheer him up. So she needs to be strong! Even though she's suffering tremendously as well. Mia isn't there anymore and now she also needs to take care of her cousin because apparently she can’t even have her aunt to rely on, because for some reason the universe decided to give her the most complicated family drama imaginable. When they face Franziska? She's awfully perceptive. She's only 18, and instead of being angry at Franziska's behavior, she wonders how she can be so strong? And she seems to admire her? Would a 18 year old accused of murder think that of the accuser? That's frankly baffling. It shows maturity far beyond her age, to think of the true feelings behind people’s behavior despite what it means for her situation. And then she gets kidnapped. And still, she feigns being fine… Then then Hazakura happens. All that and she's still thinking about other people! She tries to protect Godot, even though it's a moot point. She tries to be strong for Pearl - as Edgeworth points out - and she tries so hard to not make everything affect her. She takes everything in stride but also suppresses her feelings. And she's very very good at it, even. She seems fine. Franziska is baffled at her nonchalance, and somehow Edgeworth is the one who needs to explain it, perhaps because they had similar experiences and their tragedy is linked to the same root. Edgeworth tried to repress his feelings as well (although he is, by contrast, very very bad at hiding them) so he knows what he's talking about. I quite like that scene at the end of AA3 because that makes it deliberate on Takumi’'s part that he wanted to write her that way from the start. (it also adds to the development of 3 characters at once: Maya, Miles and Franziska) Her misfortunes don’t end here, either. SOJ happens. Kidnapped again, accused of murder again. People she trusted betray her and she finds it in her heart to forgive them? And now she also has a ton of responsibilities. And she needs to appear even stronger now in front of other people, because they depend on her. She’s still cheerful though. Because she needs to be. She first needs to be strong for Phoenix, then Pearl, then for the whole village of Kurain. And she manages to be, somehow. I love when characters are written this way. Once you have all the pieces together, if you go back and analyze their behavior, it makes the experience so much richer and so much more meaningful.

[tigerpearlsworld]

Pick a card

(deep in your soul who are you in core and what is your path)

Before you chose the cards know that this is a general pick a card and in this universe all the energies are different. you can only choose one card. this pick a card is meant for your soul not for you to resonate but for you to realize when you get the message and the truth. to pick the card you have to look for more then the image but you have to look for depth in each image. breathe in and breathe out, lit a candle, meditate and really feel the image and sense if you were not in your body but in the universe where would your soul be realistically. again its not about how you want to see, its about what your soul wants and when you feel the tug in your heart not your head know that its your card.

Sorry if my English is bad.

𝓣𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼 𝓫𝓮 𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓰𝓾𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓱.

Left to right :

pile 1 . pile 2 . pile 3

The reading starts...

Pile 1 :

(Healing,poems,sadness,withering,calling,acceptance,leaving)

Animal which came for you... Phoenix

Element which came for you... Fire and Water

Cards: (3 of cups, 7 of pentacles R x, ace of wands, 4 of cups, strength, the high priestess)

There is sadness a sense of loss. Deep in your soul I see you trying to dive deep but every time you do you're pushed back by life and its waves. I see restlessness you feel every time dread consuming you. At night it feels that you know something is missing but you don't like to feel and so you leave this feelings alone. I see the word which comes for you is " Deeper then you realize" yes that's you. you fail to understand yourself so people fail to understand you. you have good intuition and strength of mind but you have fears. I sense that your mind is blocked somewhere deep in your unconscious mind if it makes sense. I feel that your soul is very old and tired and that you were a victim in your past and even now. such tiredness such sadness yet you don't let it push you down you're relentless and even when you feel lonely you move again and again and again. you don't like to be too available but you crave freedom. I sense your heart is blocked too as you don't allow or maybe you try too but deep in your mind you chain yourself to suffering. it feels like you are trying to give justice to yourself from something you don't understand.

I see in the stars that you have been promised a house and a career. I sense that materially you will be always fulfilled now or later but in matters of heart, soul and tears you'll always be wounded and lost.

I see you in a boat alone trying to navigate your way but there is no light and sound and wind. that is where your soul feels you are. I see people show you illusions and try to take what is yours from you but you don't back down as you're strong. But I feel like you may have nightmares or bad dreams or even no dreams at all. But you feel in your heart that there is something empty. I see unlike your peers and people who always have it lucky ..from early on life your parent saw you as someone mature and you had responsibilities more then someone should have in your age. You feel as if people always ask you for guidance look at you as someone who has experience and know everything. sometimes you feel its unfair. you are also someone who has high standards and always in competition with others i see you're a jealous person and you like to have and be better then anyone. Emotionally in your present you are shallow and discontent, there is always a sense of rush in your mind towards everything weather it be goal, work or something....its always now or never. you cant rest because you are still tangled up in the veins of your punishment your mind punishes you for your past and it doesn't even lets you know or see your fault. it cages you.

the solution I see for you is to get in touch with your past and do fire rituals. Meditate on the fire to purify your mind. In this life your karma is to be mature and aware. Don't cage yourself in this loop of negativity but try to think and say good things. Do fire meditation or ritual before you sleep to get answers. feel that you're surrounded by love and light because I see many of your past people mainly ancestors are behind you in each step. Untangle yourself from the victimhood and destruction of your mind. Realize your full potential and you'll be unstoppable.

As i was channeling your energy this song came asking permission for your soul maybe you can resonate.

Pile 2 :

(Complain, voices, Lack, guardian, protected, Independent, Repent)

Animal which came for you.... Hawk

Element which came for you... Air and wood

Cards: (10 of swords, 10 of cups, page of cups, the world, the emperor)

Alice in the wonderlands is coming for you but also the story of red riding hood is coming.

I sense something is unforgivable and you live that unforgivable life. Maybe its something you had done or something done to you but you cant forgive. You're a stubborn soul who wont forgive and so even if you like to show yourself or others and tell that you don't focus on past but your path always leads you back to the past. your mind and heart always leaves you in lost . As because you don't understand what you want. you have so much potential to grow in ways you don't understand but your short coming is you're always lost as because you and your soul have different opinions and don't come in agreement as something is being rejected or hidden. You are realistic and you're skeptic I sense and that is your reality to always question and see things for what they are. you judge, yes. but you don't like to be judged. you have a ego problem too I see. And sometimes you chew more then you can swallow in that rage or moment of ego.

But I see you have talents and you garner jealousy from people if you realize or not. I can see in life you'll get many betrayals and experience many loss in terms of career, money, family, love, friendship. but something which you wont ever lose even if you try is you. and that is because even when you try to give up your stubborn soul doesn't lets you. you have a keen sense of knowing everything when you look at something or someone. your capability to sense danger or vibes which are off about people or situation is on point. you are a survivalist and you like to be prepared even if people say or see you as someone who is lazy but you work smart.

I see that you maybe popular or become popular in time. you may even have pets or be someone who advocates more for animals then fellow humans. "Antisocial and Watchful" is coming as words in my mind for you.

In your stars I see that you'll be given despair at one point of your life. unemployment and even homelessness is seen with poverty coming so strong. you will have to work hard and labor for each moment of life and suddenly I see that when your karma of repentance is complete YOUR STARS WILL GIVE YOU JUSTICE you'll be given a soul community of like minded people who feels like home and sudden wealth. I also see that your love life will blossom later in life but it will stick with you when it does happen. I also get a message for you "When you close your own seeing eyes and you trust your heart and the stars and let your hand be guided by the gods and the angel and you don't let past or doubt fill you in question but you're filled with peace, acceptance and forgiveness you'll meet your love" and your lover I can see will be a total angel who will always be with you and will always guide you towards light. just don't bring ego, independence and stubbornness. that is what I heard for you.

like i said early your word for you is repent and your soul wants to repent for something and its stubborn so till it repents it wont let you rest and will direct you back again and again to the past. and if you fight too much you'll lose.

I see you'll go through betrayals and even accidents where someone intentionally does bad to you but you'll survive and pick yourself up again. your key to success is to honor your past but not let it control you. you have to mine your way out towards a direction which is not in the same place or same thing you had previously done. you have to do something different and differently to get answers from your soul and the stars.

no one can control you, only you control yourself and in a way i feel that you already know that. you're a natural rebel and even may had bad relationship with authority figure and even your own father. you don't like to be controlled and told what to do as because you don't search for answers from others but from your self. you are an independent soul so you don't like when people are indecisive or change opinion or mind a lot. you are ride or die and loyalty is something huge for you. I also see that as you are so sure of yourself and independent in your thought and way of doing you may come in conflict with a lot of people. I'll tell you one thing your eyes are good and intuition is very on point. I see that you have the kind of eyes which See's through the facade of people and sometimes without even knowing the person and just by looking at them you can know what and how things will unfold with this person for you or others. Your eyes See's everything,every detail and you remember each and every word. but sometimes your all seeing eye and intuition can make you paranoid when you don't know how to use and so you may lose a lot of opportunities in life .Being independent is good but sometimes you should also lean on help that comes for you.

In this life to lessen your sorrow I see you must be more forgivable and also not come to conclusion about someone. I see that there is a lesson meant for you which is to be more social and accepting of people and their ways of doing things not everyone is perfect so let it rest and try to go on hike or walk in the nature when you feel restless or more chaotic. Doing more charity work or non profit work will also help you a lot in this life. To get less sorrows in life try to get blessings of people older and servants in your life.

This song was coming in my head for you as i was channeling your energy listen to the song maybe you can resonate.

Pile 3 :

(Distance, Travelling, Time, Healing, changes, Diet, path)

Animal which came for you... Lion

Element which came for you... Ether and fire

Cards: (Queen of wands, 5 of wands, 3 of wands, the hanged man, queen of pentacles)

The story which is coming for you in my head is Cinderella and the little mermaid.

you have the blessings of your ancestors, i see them blessing you and protecting you. there is this sense of stealth you have which always keeps you balanced and floating no matter what life throws at you. some call it luck but you know that its more then that.

what i sense for you is that your soul is someone who is strong and brave and someone who has mastered everything in the past life and so it feels confident and content within itself. for your soul freedom is the most important thing. i sense that you as an individual is someone with surreal themes of ultimate romance and tragic love where you want to be in love with the most pure form of love.

your soul doesn't allows you to get pin down by tradition and pushes you to be more then what is expected of you. sometimes you may come as aloof or hard to access to people and sometimes people may think you are submissive and a push over but those who know you close know how strong and spirited you are.

Even though your soul craves freedom sometimes you may panic not knowing your own path and may want others to decide, but whenever others decide for you.... it either bring bad fortune or you are discontent and do the opposite of what the person told you anyway.

i see you have a lot of competition in life and its not the kind of competition where you want to participate but the kind where you are forced to compete. you like to push your own limit and like to compete with yourself more then other. the idea of competition is something you may not like. i also see you waiting in life for something .... sometimes you may even dream about that certain something but what is coming for you is that rather then waiting for something to happen in life you should do more initiation in life. yes. initiation.

"a thought out action is better than a action with no thoughts", is the message coming from the ancestors towards you.

"know who you are and only accept things which are worthy to you"

i feel that there is two sides of you which comes like a tree which was planted and then it branched two different ways. i sense that as a kid you may have been very trustworthy and naive to the point of people abusing and using you and then suddenly something so major happened in life that you did not remain the same naive innocent person you once were. i sense there is a lot of traumatic experience you had to deal as a child and you had lots of hopes. i also sense for some not all that you family members abused you or controlled you , but you break free from them and moved away.

i see that you are someone who is very unorthodox and someone with a lot of alien fashion and thoughts in your head. you like to dream. you like art too. but you also are someone who is very scientific, like i said you have two face but its not a bad thing you learned that in life everyone wear mask. and although your small version would have disapproved as you were such a bundle of innocence and dreams but now its different.

you are someone who is full of beauty and also can be both a career woman and a house maker.

in your stars i see escapism and pleasure is coming for you, i sense that you have a lot going in your heart and head always and that you're someone who is very sensitive in your heart...empath to be precise so i would say don't try the shortcut and don't do drugs or alcohol it would severe your connection from your ancestor and your luck would lessen if you do. also i can see a major transformation happening in your life where once you may had been imprison for real in jail or in house through relationship i sense something traumatic is written in your life which would free you from that bondage of imprisonment and make you powerful. i also sense that you have lot of people trying to get your attention and fight for you in love and some of them can be as toxic as wanting to control you but don't falter and settle down. As the romance you crave you will find, yes true love that you have once dreamt or wished when young that wish will be fulfilled. I sense that your star is always helping you get to the right track in life and always shows you your true path, you are guided even when you think you're not. the stars has written that in your faith even when you feel lost you wont be. you are protected. also look for butterflies especially yellow once they may guide you sometimes.

In this life you must be true to you, your karma in this life is to transform. Its saying you must be careful in your words and action, more like be precise with them. Be mindful with your group of friends. To connect with your ancestors try to bath in the early sun light and do meditation.

No song came for you during my reading, sorry.

[hyliareborn]

pearl’s perception of romantic relationships makes me so sad. i don’t think capcom was trying to imply that phoenix or maya ever had feelings for each other, because for one their dynamic has always been so obviously a long-suffering-older-brother-and-annoying-younger-sister thing, but aside from that they would’ve just made it canon. sure, they might’ve gotten a little flack for the creepy age gap, but not nearly as much in the early 2000’s as they would now. pairing their male lead with their female lead wouldn’t be a risk, so if capcom had wanted to do it, they would’ve.

i think the point of pearl bringing it up so much is to show that her idea of how men and women interact is very unhealthy. she was raised in, as far as we know, an all-female environment, which i don’t think is really a bad thing but in kurain the only model for “romantic” relationships she had ever seen outside of books or movies were most likely men appearing and disappearing as soon as they felt that their superiority was being threatened by the kurainese women’s powers. i think that to her, there were two options: the dysfunctional relationships she’d seen in real life, and the idealistic romances in stories.

when she met phoenix and saw that he respected maya (and the whole fey family), she thought it meant that they were in love the way people in fairytales were in love. maybe she insisted that phoenix and maya were soulmates because she was scared that phoenix would leave the way every other man she’d ever known (or heard of) eventually did. maybe it isn’t that deep at all and i’m just being stupid. like and follow if you think i need to go outside

[l0serloki]

If you’re not too busy- would it be cool if I requested how the Val agents (Sova, Chamber, Cypher, Phoenix, Breach, and Harbor if you write for him- and anyone else you wanna add) reacting to the reader giving them the silent treatment!

Silence!

(Chamber, Yoru, Phoenix, Cypher, Breach, Harbor)

CW : GN!Reader, tiny cut (Yoru), drinking (Breach)

A/N : I’m blind and also haven’t been to bed so I didn’t even notice that you asked for Sova too.. I’m so sorry 😭

Chamber :

He’s going to pretend not to notice for a while. You want to play? Let's play.

“What is the benefit of ignoring me, my love? You are just making us both suffer”

He will buy you your favorite foods/something you’ve mentioned to “get in good graces”. He tries his best..

The tension in the air only elevated as you turned in your seat. It was late at night and you were working to repair some gear that broke in the field. Your boyfriend, Chamber, just happened to be working on his guns as well. You had started a little challenge to see how he would react to silent treatment after he ignored you one night. He was more resilient than he seemed, going a full day of basking in the awkward silence. The clicking of metal was the only sound breaking the void of nothingness.

“Y/N, if you are going to continue doing this I think I will lose my mind. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. Why do you insist on making both of us suffer?” Chamber’s voice cracked as his breath tickled your neck. You jumped at the sudden intrusion, tingles going down your flesh. When did he get this close? He was right.. this was getting to be too much.

“You’re right. Maybe I wanted to see you suffer a bit though.” You smirked as you turned to the man, finger tracing his soft skin. His chestnut hues widened at the sound of your voice, leaning into your warm touch.

“Your voice is music to my ears, mon amour.”

Yoru :

He’ll get moody. He probably won’t talk to you!

“Are you done being childish? Good. I hope you learned your lesson.”

If he notices you’re just teasing him.. he will have revenge.

Nothing bad, just him teasing you in front of the other agents or giving you a taste of your own medicine.

What had started as a little game to push Yoru’s buttons turned into much more. The subtle touches and the angered silence added a dark atmosphere to each day. His snide coughs and taps of his feet put you on edge. You knew that you would end up cracking before the man got out of his stubborn views.

Your fingers knocked against his comb, the metal cutting open your thumb. You hissed at the pain, bringing the cut up to your lips.

“Why are you trying to mess with my knife? Are you okay? Done being childish?” Yoru yanked your hand, eyes softening at the sight of you hurt. You relaxed at his touch, glad to have your snarky boyfriend back.

“Yeah.. I love you.”

“Whatever.. Love you too.”

Phoenix :

He will BEG for attention.

“Darling.. What did I do wrong?! Cmon.. Just tell me already!”

He’s so annoyed.. He leans in for a kiss and you move out of the way. He tries to talk to you and you pretend not to hear him. The audacity!

You’ll end up having to listen to him because he’s the type that will make you feel guilty.. he’s a sweetheart.

Phoenix had not shut up the whole ride back from the mission. You could only roll your eyes as you shuffled into your shared room, ignoring his words.

“Babe.. Are you even listening?” Phoenix’s voice raised an octave, watching as you climbed into bed. Your fingers reached for the bedside light, turning it off. Not even a second later, your personal heater hopped into bed behind you. His arms encompassed your form making it hard to get away.

“I don’t appreciate you ignoring me all day. I’m letting you know now that you aren’t moving from this bed till I get attention.. You hear that?” You could practically hear his smirk. You snorted at the remark and hummed.

“Yeah yeah, whatever dork. Go to bed.”

Cypher :

He will think it’s funny for a bit. You think this is a silly game? He does too.

The awkward glances and silence shared between you two is just a ticking bomb. One of you is seeing who will crack first. (Spoiler, it’s you.)

Cypher can be silent for days on end. He can keep busy with work or just sit and stay in his head..

“My my, look who actually has a voice! I thought you had lost it.”

When you had thought of ignoring Cypher it seemed funny. Well, that was days ago and it was no longer that humorous anymore.. He had noticed your little ‘challenge’ and joined, turning the whole thing into a battle. You wracked your brain with any kind of way to get him to crack first - to no avail. You sighed, hand brushing against your face in disappointment. You turned to the side to peer at your boyfriend. The blanket covered his legs, his nimble fingers typing away at his computer. You were desperate for his attention at this point, not caring much about winning.

A small noise came out of your throat causing his fingers to stop.

“Cypher..” You groaned and the man’s mouth widened in a grin.

“Oh dear, look who is crawling back.. Come here then, little bug.”

Breach :

He will roll his eyes at the antics for the first five minutes.. then he’s done.

“Okay babe.. Funny joke. It’s time to talk back now.”

He can and will be the loudest person ever/push all of your buttons. That only annoys you more and he quickly notices.

He ends up apologizing for whatever he did, begging you to be back to normal. You could imagine the sigh of relief when you laugh and say you were trying to get on his nerves.

“Don’t EVER do that again.. I thought I was going crazy.”

Breach and you were sat at the kitchen counter drinking with some of the other agents. He had already been on his fourth beer and spewing nonsense into your ear. You learned to ignore him as he got like this. He didn’t notice most of the time anyways.

“I told him that I could practically break anything.. Babe, hello? Are you even listening to me?” Breach’s voice continued to drone on as you tuned out. You were only brought back to the real world as he shook you.

“I may be drunk but it’s not that funny to ignore me. You sure you’re okay?” His eyebrow raised and you smiled.

“Yeah, sorry! Just out of it. Let's get you to bed.”

“Good idea, sweet thing.”

Harbor :

He’s reasonable and notices your silence! He backs off and gives you a day to yourself. After all, everyone needs time for themselves.

He checks in and sets food down for you when he sees you. He’s more just worried for your health.

You’ll have to tell him it’s a joke because he mostly just dotes on you and gives you worried glances.

“I thought you were having a really tough time! Don’t do that again, honey.”

You were curious as to how your boyfriend would respond to you being silent but that had more turned into guilt. He had given you space, understanding the need to be alone. Your heart melted when you woke up to water and some snacks and even when he came in to give you a kiss.

Making your way to the training room, you opened the doors. You snuck up behind the man, arms wrapping around his torso in a sneak-hug. Harbor grunted, surprised by the sudden intrusion.

“You are feeling better!” He smiled, eyes gleaming as he stared down.

“You’re too sweet for your own good. I just wanted to see how you’d react to the silent treatment. I’m sorry.” Your eyes softened. He only laughed, hand patting your head.

“Good. I’m glad nothing is seriously wrong, little wave.”

[ink-going-insane]

random mystreet and diaries ramble time! specifically about travis!

travis is a really really important character to me. i probably oc-ified him in my mind on accident but iiit's fine probably. but either way he's really special to me with how his character is.

i'll probably end up rambling more about mystreet than diaries because i have more of a personal attachment to ms since that's what i mainly grew up with, so i'm sorry about that in advance ^^;

i'm also. putting it all under a read more because it's gonna get Long. so yea another warning in advance for that!

both in mystreet and diaries, it feels like travis tries to be a sorta comic-relief character at times to get everyone to smile and ignore their troubles. he does really stupid things to distract others from their issues because he's really big on having his friends feel better and happy. he's not the best at communicating at times, but he tries his best by just being weird and getting people to smile. his not too good communication skills do unfortunately cause him to use some of the...tricks he knows at Bad Times (one example being in diaries s2 when lucinda first sees her mother iirc) but he always means well and genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. even in the end of season 6 of mystreet, after everything that happened, the moment he was free and woke up and saw katelyn, he flirts with her in an effort to cheer her up even though they both just went through Hell.

travis is a really selfless character to me. in diaries, with the added s3 enki island lore, travis was essentially fighting a battle that No One There acknowledged. they all thought Travis was the cursed person causing the imps and all that jazz to show and he just. lived with it. he kept saying it was fine when his friends tried to defend him. and then there was the incident in the phoenix alliance island where people were scared of him and iirc he acted like it was fine but it really isn't but aaaaaa. and i'm so so so so happy with his choice after they got enki's relic. his choice to essentially discover himself and live freely without chaining himself down to another burden is something i will forever adore because he deserves it!! and i was so happy he saw that opportunity of freedom, to maybe feel the joy he's been wanting to feel for a long time. i don't know if any of this makes sense i really hope it does.

in mystreet travis's life is more...calm? i guess? there's the child experimentation that happened and then the whole thing of thinking his dad had two different personalities randomly with one of them being Horrible, which actually on second thought my irene does this poor guy still suffer. though we never actually really see any of it and only hear about his father's (well, michael's) negative actions (not including the child experimentation) Twice. once from lucinda talking to kim in s5 and a second time from travis talking to himself in the last episode of s6. he doesn't really talk about himself and instead opts for just vibing in the moment, and doesn’t mind listening to other's troubles.

it's obvious during pdh that he's pretty socially awkward, especially with having dante for a friend. and i think he was his only friend until starting high school where travis met aphmau and the others. like not to be rude but have you Seen dante. guy is a horrible influence. anyway so yea travis wasn't the best at communication, but this is also when he first manages to make someone Smile. he says some really bad pick-up lines to katelyn in s1 in an attempt to cheer her up after her break-up and it gets her to Smile and it distracted her from her troubles and that's when he realized that he can make others Happy with his shenanigans. and so he kept at it, because he wants people and those he cares about to Smile.

oh and quick (not quick i lied) side tangent about the Not Alone Buddies and also travis's role in the story of pdh. aphmau and travis's friendship is so so so special to me. partly because it reminds me of my own friendships vibe-wise, but also because of their special connection. i'm a bit upset that it wasn't expanded upon more during the main mystreet story but it does make a bit of sense since friendships can occasionally drift apart a little bit as you get older so the two of them aren't as close as they used to be. but i still wish they showed more of the closeness that Should Have Been There!! especially in pdh where he was set up to be sorta important! instead of opting for "here's a bunch of scenes with love interests for aphmau that you know aren't going to end up with her and almost nothing else other than strict plot mostly surrounding aphmau and her love interests" they should've had more scenes of her with her friends!!! and travis!!!! and also vylad!!!!!! because they became a trio after he transferred and that literally Never got expanded upon! i don't even think there's another scene of travis with vylad after their first meeting, i genuinely don't remember there being another one At All. maybe one or two? or just none at all and either way that's Bad. and vylad also barely has any proper scenes with aphmau also it hurts. this is a travis post but by extension it's also a Not Alone Buddies post because i love them forever and vylad should've gotten more screentime >:( along with a lot of the other characters they deserved so much more! and it really bothers me that they set up travis to be sorta important at the start of pdh, only to quickly demote him to side character and comedy duo with dante. it really hurts.

in main story mystreet he gets a bit more attention but it's mostly for a comic relief kinda thing at the start. the fact most of his character in s1 got retconned is really funny to me. anyway he gets character development in season 2!! he stood up for himself because katelyn was being Not Nice and i'm so proud of him for it!!! this is also when him being a creep mostly stops iirc so that's nice, but i tend to pretend the creepy scenes Don't Exist in the first place. anyway after that there isn't really much development for him iirc until season 5, though of course there's that nice fun scene in aphmau's year where michael says hello, but he shows up a lot more in season 5 and of course season 6. in s5 it's like "huh i have a weird voice in my head and i suddenly occasionally can't control my actions but surely it must've been me. oh well as long as it makes katelyn happy :)" and like. it's so precious he just wants her to be happy and it hurts knowing michael's intentions and stuff because in both s5 and the start of s6 he just wanted katelyn to smile and be happy and safe so he was okay with letting the weird voice do its thing as long as it helped. it uh. stopped helping after The Incident. but even when he was trapped in his own mind and forced to watch he wanted so badly for it all to stop because he didn't want his friends to suffer. he didn't care what happened to him as long as his friends would be okay, which is why his monologue in the last episode horrifies me. i read a theory that he's going to sacrifice himself to stop the rumored meteor in s7 and something'll cause everyone to forget him and i really really really hope that doesn't happen i hope s7 gives him an actual calming break in the end please.

i'll be honest i...don't know where i was actually going with this post. it just kinda happened. i was alone with my thoughts (bad) and i saw a post with travis on it and just went "travis :)" in my mind and the next thing i knew this wall of text got vomited onto my phone screen. thinking of travis will now be my comfort i guess?? i just think he's neat <3

[msmc-796-official]

Hey girls (and enby)!

It's Morse... From well what remains of CMC. You all probably don't want to hear from your uh.... I don't think it's right to say sister company anymore after what happened.

I want to apologize for not stopping Haven, or really stopping anything. But there's no hard feelings towards you all... I... I enjoyed our correspondence a hell of a lot.

I'm sorry for how everything turned out, till legends bleed you three.

//Morse\\

MORSE?????

I- you- RA above and below, you're alive?!?!

Sorry, sorry, this... this is a lot for me to process right now. I- you're alive, you're okay- stars preserve me, I might have a heart attack-

Okay, okay, OKAY, calm down Phoenix, you're alright, we're alright, we're good. I'm okay. (I think.)

RA almighty, my heart is racing a mile a minute here. I'm sorry. Let me catch my breath and restart.

First: holy fuck, you're alive. This is phenomenal news, I am so incredibly relieved - after watching everything go down from the security cam livestreak you sent me... I... I feared the worst. I thought you were dead. I thought all of you were dead. It's good to hear that you survived and are in active recovery, and have people there who are helping you. I'm glad you're safe.

Second: From the looks of it, the remaining members of CMC have either scattered to the winds, been arrested by Union, or- well. I'm still fuzzy on who all was aligned with who, and how exactly things fell apart, but... CORSAIR as a company is legally dead, yes? You formally released everyone from their contracts, and I assume that meant everyone, so- oh, RA...

...so you're the only one left.

I- sorry, I... I'm still a little emotional about that sentiment. When I got the news that Comm- no, Haven - was dead, I- I fell apart. Haven deserved many things in her life, not all of them good, but to be openly betrayed and killed at the behest of those closest to her- she never deserved that. She never deserved any of this. Sylvia never deserved any of this - she's the reason CMC even happened in the first place... and she's also the reason it all fell apart, in the end.

And you, Morse- you don't deserve to have to be the only one left to clean up Haven's mess. I already feel bad enough that I couldn't do anything to prevent this; even worse that I cut CMC off from legal help that might have potentially mediated some of this conflict, from resources that could have helped turn the tide- from everything that MSMC and CMC had built together as allies.

I- I want to offer help wherever I can, however I can. You don't deserve to suffer through this alone. If that means putting our legal teams in touch with Union to try and preserve what's left of the demilitarized Requiem as a home for those displaced, if that means tending to your wounded and making arrangements for the dead, if that means using our network of contacts to find employment and equipment for those out of a job- whatever it takes to make this situation right again, whatever that future looks like to you.

Third: Despite everything, Backtalker (or, rather, the Backtalker movement - it's complicated) is still out there. I've heard whispers of their reemergence across the Omninet; apparently someone even received a message from them.

What they could possibly want now that Commodore is dead and CMC is completely and utterly destroyed, I have no idea. But if they're still out there, then we still have work to do. I still have work to do. I can't - no. I won't let the few remaining friends I have from CMC suffer any more than you already have.

How this threat is to be dealt with - I don't know. I have my suspicions that a few of their agents slipped through the cracks, even after the Union arrests. Who knows how many more bodies they have outside of CMC. This could be ten people, hundreds, thousands... if I were any less certain that they were out to hurt more people - more people like us - I would call this fight a lost cause. But I can't. Not when MSMC remains in danger. Not while you remain in danger.

Keep in touch, Morse. I'll talk to Legal and lift their prohibition on sending legal aid to CMC (or at least fill them in that CMC no longer exists as a legal entity). If you need anything from us - be it myself, from my squad, from MSMC as an entity - don't hesitate to let us know. I'll see to it personally that every single request for aid and resources you make goes through.

It's the least I can do for failing to stop what happened.

Yours among the stars, forever and always.

-- Angel

[iceheap]

@panicataphmausinsanity okay so Zane HC's LETS GOOOOOOOO

Before we start trigger warning for like, child abuse and torture and shit. Seriously this gets dark. Zane redemption must come at a price >:D

So. Something interesting to me in regards to Zane is how in MCD, He's like, this evil, terrible human being, but in Mystreet, he's like, a semi functional human being who can be a NOT bad person and NOT do bad things. And so I got to thinking.

I don't think Zane was born a bad person.

Personally, I kind of hate the way Jess wrote Zane. Like, yes, evil for the sake of evil is great and all, but like. In season one and two, Zane was this overarching antagonist who was always one step ahead of the cast and plotting and having a good time being a paice of shit.

And then season 3 comes around and now he's a shadow knight, on the run, has PTSD...

Look, I'm not knocking the guy for having PTSD. I'm just saying that the way it's portrayed kind of makes him seem like a whimpery coward. AGAIN, NOT KNOCKING PTSD!!

I think the position that Zane found himself in season 3 was a PERFECT set up for a redemption arc and it makes me SO MAD that it didn't happen.

So I guess I have to do it myself apparently -_-

I've been thinking a lot about Zane. I don't want him to stop being evil. Not right away. So we keep what happened in the first two seasons the same. He's a cackling maniac that has killed a shit ton of people and is on his father's payroll.

And then he dies.

(skill issue lol)

Anyway, Zane is dead. But he's also Zane, so of course he weasels his way out of being dead. And then he gets tortured and is subjected to the same suffering he condemned so many others to yada yada yada PTSD bleh.

Everything seems to be the same so far.

But then he breaks out if the nether. Still, we're on track, right?

He gets captured, he gets expedited to Phoenix Drop, he gets interrogated, it's all the same.

But here we find a canon divergence. Instead of being absolute dumbasses, they don't bring him into the nether. Let's scrap that plot point entirely.

Instead, we're going to let Zane bake in prison for a while!

Here are the main issues that make Zane irredeemable.

1. He's killed like, a shit ton of people, for funsies ig

2. He killed Vylad.

3. He destroyed Aaron's village.

Let's keep those things in mind.

So he's in prison. While in prison, Garroth starts to visit him (along with Travis but shhhh we'll get to him another day) and just. You know. Be angry.

Garroth has seen Zane as a spoiled brat his entire life. He's always been their father's favorite. He's always had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He's always been willing to do whatever it takes for power. He's greedy. He's psychotic. Garroth hates him.

But Zane is Garroth's brother. And Garroth is the type of golden retriever, gold hearted, kind type of character to still love his brother even if he hates him.

That doesn't mean he goes in and is like, nice to him though. Nope. Garroth goes to visit him and nine times out of ten it devolves into a screaming match where Zane antagonizes him the entire time and Garroth yells at him for being a shitty human being.

And then one day Phoenix Drop is attacked and Zane escapes.

They track him down eventually. When they find him, they strike a deal with him. Due to Irene related shenanigans they need his expertise as a scholar of Irene to figure out some more stuff for Aphmau. In exchange, they'll protect him from the Shadow Lord (who he pissed off by stealing one of his soul fragments lol Zane behavior).

Eventually they're able to establish a rapore with Zane. Garroth still gets a migraine whenever they have a conversation. Vylad still refuses to speak to him (oh btw he's visiting from his nether revolution vacation just so u know) and Aphmau still wants to tear out his guts for killing the love of her life or whatever, but he becomes manageable. They can like, stand him. A little bit. Slightly.

And then Zianna gets kidnapped or whatever. So they go rescue her. But when they get back to Phoenix Drop they forget to mention the fact that Zane is like. There and in the wild and not currently killing entire villages worth of people.

So Zianna rolls up to Phoenix Drop and gets jumpscared by her youngest son and also, notably, Zane is NOT happy to see her. He shuts the front door in her face. It's hilarious even though Garroth doesn't think of it that way.

So, now we have our key players all in one place. Garroth, Vylad, Zane, and Zianna.

Let's say they have to all go find an artifact toghether or something and they need Zianna there because it's related to something she knows and they need Zane there because of Irene lore reasons. they go on this mission. One day, they sit and set up for the night, set up bedrolls, whatever. They're lounging around the fire and talking when Vylad eventually mentions his time as a shadow knight in the nether and something about torture.

Zane blinks, and, having not been included in the conversation initially, buts it to say,

"Oh, please. Don't tell me getting tortured by those amatures was DISTRESSING for you. I would have thought father's methods would have given you thicker skin."

The others bristle and start scolding him, of course, because Zane is like, the reason Vylad became a shadow knight in the first place. But Vylad himself, who is very observant and hard to antagonize, latches into something Zane said.

"Methods? What methods?" He says. He says it sharply, too.

Of course, Zane doesn't pick up on this. He just rolls his eyes.

"Don't tell me you forgot. Father had a whole floor dedicated to torture and loved collecting new methods from around the region. I think he even had a historian employed who would research for him..."

"What?" Garroth says, stunned out of his anger.

Zianna has gone silent. So has everyone else, and now they're watching with baited breaths.

"So what? What would that have to do with me?"

And for the first time that they've ever seen, Zane looks... Puzzled.

"What, did he go easy on you? Didn't you talk back to him all the time? Once, after just asking him a question, he had two of my nails pulled. Shadow Knight torture was child's play in comparison," he shrugs, then takes a bite out of his stale price of bread.

There's silence.

Zane looks back at all of them, confused and now kind of pissed off. He looks like he usually does when he feels like he's about to be scolded for saying something crass. Except, that's not what happens. Instead, Vylad looks him in the eye for the first time since Zane killed him, and with the most emotion they've ever heard from him, says,

"What?"

Zane hums.

"Come on. Don't play dumb. He hated you. Im sure he must have sent you to the "torture basement" at least once. You got on his nerves constantly,"

Garroth makes an aborted movement, like he's going to stand up and rush him, but Vylad stops him with a flick of his hand. And then Vylad starts doing what he does best. Interrogating him.

So remember that list, right? Let's reframe a few things.

Zane was not the favorite child. Garroth was.

Garte was a paice of shit. Garte hated Vylad. But he also hates Zane. Why wouldn't he? Vylad was his wife's affair child, sure, but Zane, Zane was Zianna's spitting image.

When Zane was little, he used to take snails and out them in the grass after it rained. He uses to clamor for his mother's pastries just like his brothers. He was a normal child, and he was NOT born a psychopath.

But Garte had a thought, one day.

Wouldn't it be funny... If he made his wife think he WAS one?

Wouldn't it be funny to punish her that way? Wouldn't it be funny to turn Zane into a terrible person, and have her think it was for no reason? Make her think that she birthed a psychopath? How much would it hurt her? How much would she weep?

Garte used to punish Zane for Vylad's joy. One of Vylad's laughs would equal one slap to the face. One side remark in defence of their mother would equal one hour locked in his father's study closet in his office.

Garte turns Zane against himself brothers. And the best part in his mind?

He makes Zane believe that they know about all of it.

He tells Zane that his mother knows about it. That his brothers don't care that he's beaten. That Vylad does things so he gets punished on purpose.

Zane grows up thinking that his brothers probably go through this too. He grows up thinking that his mother just doesn't love him. And so he doesn't say a thing.

Garte starts having him tortured instead of superficially physically abused? He says nothing.

Garte makes him become a priest of Okasis even though the consequence of failing the academy is death? He says nothing.

Garte would encourage Zane to blugeon animals to death and bring them to Zianna and laugh at her horrified face from afar. Garte encourages Zane to say psychotic things while they're eating dinner, and watches as his family becomes more and more convinced Zane is a monster.

Until Zane is one.

But this reframes a few things.

The people Zane killed? It was under orders. He eventually became his father's right hand man. Most of his overarching goals have been in service of his father.

For Aaron's village, we'll stick a pin in that one, but long story short, Aaron's village had been planning a coup that night under his wife's orders. Zane had them killed under his father's orders so they could eliminate them as political neighbors. He let Aaron live out of pity.

And Vylad.

Basically, remember when I said that Garte used to punish Zane according to Vylad's actions?

One day, Vylad gets into an explosive argument with Garte defending Zianna. And Garte, again, without the other's knowing, has Zane tortured. Except this time it's for a WEEK STRAIGHT.

So when Zane gets out. He's. Very unstable.

And then he comes across Vylad in a semi secluded area.

And Vylad is acting like he did nothing, and all he's ever done is make Zane suffer, and Zane hates him hates him HATES HIM--

And so he snaps. And he kills him.

Keep in mind, though, Zane thinks this is all normal. He doesn't realize that killing his own brother has traumatized him. He doesn't realize that he's a victim of abuse. He doesn't realize that what his dad did is not okay because he THINKS HIS FAMILY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED, and if they didn't contradict his abuse, then this must be normal. He thinks that Vylad has probably been tortured too. He thinks Garroth is their father's favorite because in his mind he's determined that Garroth not receiving any attention from their father is a GOOD thing because ATTENTION EQUALS TORTURE to him.

And this reframes a few things. His constant bid for power? It's not greed, it's DESPERATION. Power makes him feel safe. Hurting others makes him feel powerful because that's how his father had power over him.

His highly volatile and violent personality? It's l he's ever known. Do you have ANY idea what torture could do to a child? He has severe PTSD. Like, severe and repressed and his outburst are more common when he's uncomfortable or anxious or experiencing any negative emotion, which is often.

Garte took Zane's empathy from him. Turned him against his family. Made him into a monster. With these types of characters, I imagine it would probably be very difficult for them to redevelop their emotions and empathy because if they do that, they would have to face their whole mountain of trauma and the guilt of all the lives they've ruined.

I think eventually, after a lot of work, Zane does eventually regain his empathy. It probably finally sinks in during a small gathering. His mother makes her famous cake. Zane has long gotten used to being excluded during these sorts of things, but then...

His mother slides a plate of cake right in front of him.

Strawberry.

His favorite.

And she smiles at him.

This is probably after they found out about Garte being a peice of shit. Maybe a few months.

All Zane has ever wanted is to be loved. Maybe he didn't know it, but when he takes a bite of his mother's strawberry cake for the first time in decades and the nostalgic taste registers in his brain, something snaps.

And he becomes human again.

And he realizes:

Oh.

I'm a person.

I'm a murderer.

I'm a monster.

LMAO WAS THIS COHERENT SORRY PANIC I TRIED MY BEST I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS ONE OSIBWIBDIBSIBU

[xxladyballadxx]

𝓞𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓤𝓹

Joshua Rosfield x reader

Note: The reader being depressed and all, thinking she's a bad person just because she has done terrible things in her life(⌣̩̩́_⌣̩̩̀)

‘You’re a fucking monster!’

‘Why are you still alive?!’

‘YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!’

‘YOU KILL US ALL!’

Every day and night, you hear the raging voices of the people in your hollowed mind. Angered and terrified by you. The part where you were forced to kill their loved ones. Men, women. Even children. Bringing terror to every village and town. That was when you were brainwashed and working with Lord Barnabas and Benedikta Harman. They forced you to kill people, the innocents. Picking the targets for you to track down. 

This one time, you were given the task to annihilate the outlaws and the dominant of Phoenix. Clive, Jill and Joshua. The people who were your friends back in Rosaria. When they first encountered you, they couldn’t believe their own eyes. Clive believed you to be dead. Jill thought so too.

Joshua, however, knew you would be alive somehow. They remembered you but you don’t remember them. Your mind was completely foggy and hollow, you couldn't remember anything since you weren’t utterly yourself at that time. Since The King of Waloed brainwashed you. Everything happened so fast…

~

The next day, you avoided everyone at the hideaway. Not making eye contact with them while doing something important. Including Clive, Jill and even Joshua. 

Jill grew worried about your well-being and tried to speak to you. You pushed Jill away and told her to leave you alone. You did the exact same thing to Clive. You didn’t want to talk about what’s going on in your mind. 

You stumbled into your room with your dark mind conquering you. Locking the door so nobody comes in. You slumped into your bed and sunk yourself down in a bottle of wine.

As you continue to drink every sip of wine, your mind wanders off elsewhere, falling into a pit of darkness. Screaming of terror made its way into that hole, causing you more suffering. All of these angry voices of people…

‘MY WIFE! MY CHILDREN! YOU KILLED THEM ALL!’

Their rage, their anger…dragging you all the way down to hell…

‘A MONSTER LIKE YOU DOESN’T DESERVE TO LIVE!’

‘You’re a murderer and murderers don’t deserve a second chance!’

“Stop, please, no fucking more…” you mumbled, you held your head down to the floor with hands placed on your forehead. You just couldn’t take it anymore.

‘YOU KILLED MY FUCKING FAMILY!’

‘YOU MONSTER!’

‘Please…PLEASE SPARE US!’

All these voices faded when someone came knocking on your door, “(Name)?” Joshua called out to you, he wishes to come in and speak to you, “(Name)? Are you in there?”

You growled in irritation, finishing off that darn bottle of wine and smashed it on the floor furiously, watching it shatter into pieces. “Just go away…” 

“(Name), please, let me in…” you could tell by the sound of Joshua’s voice that he was gravely worried, “I want to talk to you..”

You slam your hands on your bed in anger and walk your way to open the door for Joshua. He stepped straight inside after you decided to let him in. Joshua spotted the broken pieces of a bottle of wine on the floor. He looked up to you in worry as you closed the door. 

You sat back down on your bed, not looking Joshua in the eye. “(Name)...I couldn’t help but notice you giving everyone a cold shoulder. Even Clive and Jill.” Joshua continued on, expressing a sign of concern, “Everyone here is extremely worried about you, (Name).”

“Okay so?” you spoke in a cold tone which caused him to get more agitated. Joshua shakes his head disapprovingly, “How long are you going to keep acting like this? How long are you going to keep pushing everyone away?” Joshua stumbled over to sit with you, “...Including me..?”

He won’t give up until you tell him what’s making you feel this way. Joshua wishes for you to open up to him. But the very sad thing is; you really don’t like talking about what’s troubling you so much. To anyone. 

“Joshua, I rather not talk about it…” you told him, still not looking him in the eye. “The more you keep those feelings inside, the more it gets worse.” Joshua places his hand onto your shoulder, he could tell that you were suffering and wishes to make it go away, “(Name), please look at me…” 

And so you turned to face him directly, his eyes looking deeply into yours, “I know you have done terrible things in the past. I know that wasn’t you. It was Barnabas, he brainwashed you and used you. Forcing you to kill innocent people.” Joshua consoled you, trying to tell you that it wasn’t completely your fault. 

“...I will never forget what I did.” You were slowly opening up to Joshua, even though you didn’t want to at first but you wanted to pour your emotions out “I’ve killed a thousand innocents. I remember them screaming and crying, begging for mercy. Even the children. When they look me in the eye, all they fucking see…is an killer, a monster…”  

Your words fell hard on Joshua, he couldn’t imagine what it was like for you when you were being controlled by King Barnabas, “I can’t make it all go away. The past still haunts me. It will always haunt me. Stuck in a fucking loop with no way out.”

“(Name)...” Joshua held your hand into his as he continued to listen to you talking about the terrible things you did in the past. 

“I also remembered seeing blood on the wall after slaughtering them…” you recalled the moment where you just looked at the dead bodies and walked away after you completed your mission. 

“I have nightmares every single night, I hear voices every single day. The voices of the people whom I terrify the life out of them. I even hear the cries of the dead family. I can still hear them. Everytime I go out, people look at me and back away in terror. They remembered my face and threw stones at me.” you carried on opening up more to Joshua, tears visibly appearing on your face. “I walked out of there and found a quiet spot to cry silently.”

Joshua gestured his arm behind your back and held you close, you leaned your head onto his shoulder and wept, “Do I deserve to live? Do I deserve a fucking second chance?” you questioned in sorrow, you felt your heart falling apart. 

“You believe you’re a terrible person, just because you’ve done horrible things. I don’t see that in you at all. Just because you’ve done something truly wrong, doesn’t make you a bad person.” Joshua held his hand up and wiped your tears away using his thumb, “Just remember, (Name), you are not alone. For I am here for you always.” 

“...thank you, Joshua…” you said it so quietly but Joshua was able to hear it loud and clear. Joshua moved your hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles of it, “Despite those terrible doings of your past, I never stopped loving you.” You smiled sweetly at his words and kissed the corners of his lips, “I’m glad that… you’re here with me.”

Joshua motioned his head close to kiss you, “I will never leave you, (Name). Never.”

(A/n) - Still blaming @aria-lesage for getting me so much into angsty fanfics. I shall continue to write more ANGSTY ffxvi fanfics in future.

UNTIL NEXT TIME ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[xerith-42]

Stop blaming characters for bad writers

Seriously, stop fucking doing this. While this is a post that could certainly be applicable to MANY fandoms, I'm mainly directing this whole rant at my target audience which is mentally ill minecraft obsessed freaks.

If a character is written badly, gets badly fumbled by the creator, or has the ball dropped in regards to their arc in some way, a lot of people will blame the character, as if they're a real conscious person making these decisions. When they aren't. They're a block man literally being controlled by two people who just aren't very good writers and one or both of them are incredibly sexist, kind of racist, ableist, and just bad writers in general.

Yeah, Laurance does some pretty shitty things through out Season 2 of MCD, actively crossing lines he wouldn't have previously crossed. We as fans can cope by saying something something calling, or just saying Laurance is a bad abusive person, but the reality is that the writers wanted to force the series to fit a specific vision and as a result were willing to do anything to get the series to that point. In order to make Aaron the most favorable suitor for Aphmau, her previous suitors need to be out of the picture, or clearly inferior options.

Garroth suffered the out of the picture, being mostly absent outside of a few cutscenes here and there until episode 81 of season 2, but episode 81 is the culmination of the writers goals to make Aarmau happen. By the time Garroth has returned to the series, the damage has already been done. He's not getting the life he wants. And Laurance is written out of the picture as well, but only after being shown to be inferior because Jesson were pushing an agenda.

Laurance didn't deteriorate as a person due to neglect of his physical and mental well being after a severely traumatic experience. He deteriorated as a character because the writers stopped giving as much of a shit about him and instead were using the series as self indulgent fanfiction of alternate versions of themselves. That's not Laurance's fault.

And this applies to any character who was completely fumbled in MyStreet due to this similar focus on wish fulfillment from the writers. Jess has stated that the relationship between Aphmau and Aaron in Phoenix Drop High is reflective of her relationship with Jason, we all know this. This means that any characters who come off as total fucking creeps in that series (namely Gene), are not actually acting on the whims of their own autonomy or desires as characters. They are acting in service of telling a predetermined story that they are retroactively being added into for author fulfillment.

In this regard I fully support fandom cope and say that you should rewrite your little guys to your hearts content. But if you're going to criticize these characters for their actions, don't criticize them. They didn't do anything wrong. All characters are just puppets in service of the story or themes a writer is trying to push. If a character acts in an objectively terrible way, especially a way that isn't in line with their previous characterizations, that is a failing of the writers, not the character.

And I feel like largely a lot of us can and frequently do this. We're actively criticizing Jesson for being terrible low-key bigoted writers all the god damn time, it's like half of the content here. But when we get into character discourse I feel like some people cling onto bad actions of the canon too closely and I've seen more than a few posts presume some pretty terrible interpretations of characters based on these actions. Obviously Laurance is a character I and a lot of others are fixated on so a lot of discourse revolves around him, and it was seeing some... interesting takes on him that prompted me to start writing this post.

But this happens to everyone. Quite personally based on the character I was shown in MyStreet, it feels really weird that Garroth would make an insensitive comment about his brother's weight. Yeah siblings poke fun at each other and often cross lines, but if that was something Zane was seriously insecure about (which it seems like he might be) then it does make Garroth come off as a really insensitive brother, which just doesn't gel with how hard he tries to bond with Zane despite their tense relationship. And I don't think Garroth should be criticized for making those comments.

Whoever wrote those lines (Jess and/or Jason) should be criticized for writing a scene where a character is mocked by their older sibling over a physical insecurity even if said sibling would not normally do that. It's not Travis' fault that Jesson never decided to give him more of a character beyond "funny pervy guy" that's not funny in every anime they've watched until Season 5 of MyStreet. It's unfair to try and say Travis should be scrutinized for his borderline sexual harassment of some characters when it's not his fault that happened, he was written by writers who don't think this sort of behavior isn't all that bad if they make it out for comedy and punch him in the face.

And god dammit it's not Laurance's fault that his jealousy became the most prevalent emotion he felt. Laurance has always been a character to give into his vices and yet fight against them at the same time, it's what makes him compelling. If they were going to pull on those vices in order to make him a less appealing love interest, he never had a chance to really be his own character after a certain point. Because at a certain point in Season 2, Jesson stopped caring about the character they had been writing for over a hundred episodes at that point. They just wanted to canonize their self insert ship and were willing to do anything to get it.

Laurance isn't an abusive angry person who would have killed Aphmau if they got together. He's a flawed character being handled by incredibly flawed writers who are prone to making some of the worst decisions you have ever seen a creator make in regards to their character writing. He was caught in the crossfire of the adoration he received from a very dedicated fanbase, and the creator who would rather pretend he and his previous arc didn't exist for the sake of her fun. It's not Laurance's fault his arc was stilted, jerked around, and ultimately ended with him completely face planting. And yet still reliably dragging his bloodied body up at just the slightest glimmer of hope (Void Paradox).

It's deeply poetic and tragic that I can describe his character in universe and in the meta-textual sense that way, but we should never blame Laurance, or Aaron, or any other characters for things being like this.

They didn't write the show. Jess and Jason did.

[fincalinde]

for your ask meme: wei wuxian?? 👀

Since I've got some new followers over the past couple of days (who knew what branching out from Xiyao would do for my reputation!), I'll once again add the disclaimer that I write MDZS meta and not CQL meta. I'm aware that in CQL, WWX is characterised somewhat differently. I have thoughts on that too, but I'm not immersed enough in CQL to commit to sharing them publicly.

Since WWX is the main character and appears in almost every scene, I won't attempt to write a thesis statement on him. (You cannot afford my hourly rate.) Instead I've decided to focus on an aspect of WWX that I feel is often overlooked or sanitised. That is to say:

WWX is extremely annoying.

He's not just irritating, or overly exuberant, or a touch too arrogant. He is infuriatingly obnoxious.

Obviously WWX is also brave and often well-meaning. He loves deeply, even if he consistently lets down the people who care about him. He's strong-willed enough to abide by his own sense of morality in the face of overwhelming disapproval and danger, and arrogant enough to make unilateral decisions when it would be better for all concerned if he took a step back. He's bad at big picture thinking and rarely considers the full ramifications of his actions, but he's also incredibly adept at getting out of scrapes, and he has an admirable if also somewhat depressing ability to shrug off pain and suffering that is the result of his difficult days on the streets and his mistreatment by YZY. 

And he's obnoxious.

I do think it often gets forgotten, because Wangxian is intended to be a love story and it's much more tempting to write sweeping romance and charming banter than hark back to all the canonical moments in which characters, including LWJ, genuinely want to throttle him to death.

He never shuts up! He's constantly laughing far too loudly and for too long. He's the sort of person who thinks it's funny to pull the rug out from under someone in a conversation so they end up discomfited and embarrassed. I fully understand that a large part of his hectoring LWJ is a precursor to his later romantic interest and is in line with his flirtation style, but the fact remains that he goads LWJ beyond the point of endurance on multiple occasions. LWJ just happens to be a weird dude who's really into it.

A good example of what I mean is when Wangxian encounter each other at Phoenix Mountain. WWX asks LWJ if he's ever kissed someone, then proceeds to speculate that LWJ has never been kissed and will never be kissed. LWJ doesn't seem to mind this at first, and only becomes angered when WWX lies about having been kissed before himself (oh LWJ), but it's important to remember that WWX has no idea that LWJ has any interest in him whatsoever. From WWX's perspective, he's just having fun belittling someone else over a topic that for most young people is a sensitive one. I don't want to oversell this moment and claim that it's bullying, actually, but I do want to use it to highlight that WWX is not always a considerate person and this type of behaviour is teeth-achingly thoughtless and cringeworthy.

I could go on, but if you pick any given scene including WWX you're likely to see dialogue in which he's being actively annoying to other characters, intentionally or otherwise. This isn't an attack on him, just an observation that in order to write him in a canon consistent manner he should be not just witty and chatty in a way where other characters simply roll their eyes and keep going. He should genuinely actually aggravate them and it should have consequences within the scene. Characters such as JC and WQ care about WWX but also find him infuriating, and that's with good reason—never mind the juniors, whom WWX takes pleasure in messing with. There are many characters who feel great respect and affection for WWX, and every single one of them also regularly feels deep frustration and irritation towards him too. There should be some meat on the bones of any back and forth between them.

[napoleondidthat]

[On Joaquin Phoenix’s performance] “Joaquin studies the psyche, and the psyche of Napoleon is so strange The film feels like that. It’s kind of peculiar, and there’s an intensity in that. Napoleon wasn’t stoic and wonderful like Russell Crowe was in Gladiator. He was a dictator, a war criminal, really. It couldn’t be rousing, because that man killed hundreds and hundreds of thousands of men, in my opinion needlessly. And for what? To get an empire, for what? In the end, it all disintegrated anyway. That psyche run wild is dangerous as hell, and very strange. And this is a portrait of that.”

—Vanessa Kirby

[Phoenix’s visit to Napoleon’s tomb, and to the military hotspots] ” I went to all the museums and, yes, it’s very interesting but, yeah, you’re looking at swords and blah, blah, blah, who gives a fuck. I mean, honestly, I want to make it a great thing to talk about for your piece, but yeah, you walk around and you look at the things and you go, ‘Oh yeah, that is a very small jacket.'”

—Joaquin Phoenix

[On Napoleon and Josephine’s divorce scene where Phoenix slaps Kirby in agreement] “My biggest compliment for any take or scene, is, ‘Christ almighty, where did that come from?’ That wasn’t planned. He just fuckin’ slapped her. She didn’t know it was coming either. The whole room went [sharp intake of breath]. And you know, what could’ve been a boring scene suddenly had magic.”

—Ridley Scott

Trivia: Scott has a super cut that goes into Josephine’s life before Napoleon. So you fans of Josephine, don’t give up hope!

This is such a mess. You have English actors being typical English and hate Napoleon but for some reason want to do a movie about him anyway even though he is a Hitler and Stalin and according to Kirby a war criminal. Fantastic. Nothing like approaching a subject neutrally.

Joaquin isn’t impressed with museums much I see.

Okay Scott, wants us to know that the film isn’t a love letter to Napoleon and he’s a bad dude, they aren’t showing just good things Napoleon did. So instead they will show things Napoleon NEVER did like SLAPPING JOSEPHINE AT THE DIVORCE CEREMONY. It’s not as if Napoleon didn’t do shitty things to Josephine that, if you want to show their dynamic you could go to. Yes, Napoleon did shoot at her swans at Malmaison. Yes, Napoleon did force her into carriage rides when she was suffering migraines. But making stuff up out of whole cloth is infuriating.

So on top of the already inaccurate information out there: Napoleon was racist and shot the nose off the syphinx and shot at the pyramids proves it, Napoleon was short and therefore he had to conquer the world, we can now also get Napoleon was a wife beater. And surprise, the misinformation still comes out of England.