#i want to scream this at the entire world
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speechless;
satoru gojo x reader
plot: satoru loved to love you — themes: smut with feelings, f!reader, prone bone, sexual fluff — w.c: 700ish
a/n: this one’s a bit feelings based/sensual bc that’s something i wanted to play around with
masterlist • ao3 • more smut
It was sudden, but your sights suddenly dimmed as a black cloth wrapped right around your head, sealing away your vision. Fragments of cutting light lacing through the loose threads of fabric could be observed, but otherwise you were plunged right into the darkness.
“Is this okay?” a familiar voice asked in a loving tone, belonging to your financé, Satoru Gojo. He wanted to try something new for a change, to enhance your experience by playing around with your senses, or something along those lines.
You gave him a firm nod and remained perfectly still as he gently pushed you down to your stomach, picking up your hips with his big strong hands, aligning himself against you from behind with his prodding arousal. “Still okay?” he asked again.
“Yeah,” you replied, “yeah, that’s… that’s good.”
You remained positioned as he wanted you to be, feeling as the tip of his cock, completely throbbing hard pushed into your slick sex, easing into you with almost painful slowness. His fingers wrapped around the curve of your ass, selfishly clawing at the soft tissue and reeling you back in to take him fully. His eyes, burning blue, were set thoroughly ablaze as he spread his sights over your body, unable to still fathom that you were in fact entirely his.
“You look so beautiful like this,” he whispered, concluding the end of his soft approach as he at long last, flicked his hips forward, ready to fuck you into complete and utter surrender.
Feeling a sharp and almost searing heat pull at your scalp, you tilted your head back as Satoru bunched a fitstful of your hair while the other hand palmed flat against the small of your back, forcing your stomach to kiss the soft cotton bed sheets as he picked up the pace. His eyelids fluttered from the sensation of your slick, warm walls clenching around him, unable to deny that he was quickly becoming lost in the rising pleasure that you were able to give him.
You cried soft whimpers that sounded muffled into the pillow as his length continued to impale you, driving you further into the mattress with heated fervour, pushing, rutting and fucking himself relentlessly into your core, unable to stop himself until you were nothing short of ruined. His own grunts grew increasingly louder and his grip around your newly bruised skin tightened as he chased his own release and yours, too. He didn’t want for it to stop though; the sensation feeling surely intoxicating as he took pleasure from slamming into you with almost painful intensity, hearing as your once soft moans threatened to evolve into barely contained screams.
He was otherwise… quiet when he was with you; something that he felt rather guilty about, oddly enough. Yet again, he couldn’t ever quite fathom that you were his, that you, again and again, submitted to him and let him do exactly what he wanted over and over. Each and every passing moment that you spent with him ever since he got closer to you, was with stunned silence as he was at long last rendered speechless, finally having found the first person alive able to effectively silence him.
And just as he pushed one final, needy time, he felt himself empty into you, filling you up with his overflowing load, hoping to knock you up so that he could keep his hands on you forever. His own life was exhausting after all, with the endless bustle that dared to consume him and there you were, his only found peace in this restless world.
“Fuck,” was all he could say, melting into your back and lazily peeling the blindfold away, “you’re gonna be the death of me someday.”
You rolled off over to your side, enjoying the sensation of him still being deep inside of you, although tilting your head back to steal a kiss. “Yeah? Is that really what’s going to kill you, of all things?”
Satoru half laughed, pressing his lips against yours, “Oh, trust me, “he added, grinding his hips into yours to ride out the final remnants of his fleeting high, “it’ll be exactly how I want to go.”
#smut saturday#gojo x reader#satoru gojo smut#cross posted on ao3#jjk x reader smut#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo smut#satoru gojo x female reader#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#jjk x you#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen smut#x reader smut#x reader fanfiction#smut fanfiction#satoru gojo#satoru x reader#jjk satoru#jjk gojo#gojo#gojo satoru#gojo jjk#jujutsu gojo
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.......imagine combining potatoing and the limited amount of words idea, cocksleeves dont need to talk after all :)
that lends so well into my love of making potatos dumber. like going from fully articulated man to a soft little thing that squirms and whines instead of using his words.
this became a whole thing. so enjoy you filthy animals. /lh
cw;; nsft, dead dove, amputation, electrocution, torture, unsanitary
i like that with achilles especially because for him this is the ultimate fantasy the best scenario in his world. completely dependent on you because you chose to take away his autonomy. but he still talks like he's a respectful member of society and not like he's a glorified cock sleeve, its not acceptable.
he also gets to ease into it, starting him with a good amount of words and slowly lowering it. but it gets even lower than noemie did because he doesn't even need to say pleasantries. good morning, good night, hello, its unnecessary. he needs to say yes, please, im sorry, and thank you and that's it. if he tries to waste his words on stupid things like no or stop he's going to end up punished in two ways.
it's fun to show off to your followers the sight of him using up his words. it's just a normal stream, you're playing games and in your lap is your cute little toy. everyone knows your cock is currently buried in your human onahole but you're not bouncing him or even moving, just letting him sit on your lap. someone asks how many words he has left today and so you check. it looks like he's been conservative today and he has about 10 left. so it's time to waste those precious words of your dumb toy. you make him look at the chat and people can pay for him to say things, of course you don't want them to use up all ten in one go so it's limited. the fun of watching him slowly fuck himself over begins.
"how are you doing today, pet?"
he blinks his pretty eyes and swallows.
"uhmm good..?"
"are you having fun?"
"yes!"
"what are you doing right now?"
you give him a good thrust to remind him. he gasps and whimpers with saliva dripping out of his mouth.
"mm.. t-taking master's co-cock."
that's 5.
"do you love your master?"
"yes!!"
"are you happy to be a fuck toy?"
"yes!!"
"do you ever regret losing your limbs?"
he looks back at you as best he can with a pout.
"you can say no this time." you assure him.
"no! i don't!"
that's the other 5.
"how many words do you have left?"
he blinks in confusion like he doesn't know what game you've all been playing.
"10."
that was the very last word. so you press him against your desk and push your cock even deeper into him. everyone is watching you remind him, everyone can see him and they know he's a sex toy.
"tell them thank you."
he's struggling with your cock now slamming into him making his entire body shake.
"tell them thank you." you say more sternly directing his slutty face to the camera.
"th-thank-"
the word barely leaves his mouth and he screams as the electricity buzzes through his body. that also earns him a hard slap on the ass.
"are you an ungrateful bitch? you need to be a good boy and say thank you properly."
"th-thank yyyYOUUU-"
another slap to accompany the shocks.
"thank you for watching this useless cock sleeve."
"ca-caaant-"
he's crying now as you continue to punish him along with the painful shocks. your relentless pounding of his tight hole doesn't stop either it's an overwhelming mix of pain and pleasure.
you pull him all the way onto your cock and sit back in your chair.
"tell me you can't again. see what happens."
"sowwy"
his voice is hoarse as his entire body twitches and writhes with the pain.
"now say it."
"tha-thank y-" a scream. "you fffforr-" more sobbing. "waaaaaatchingggggahh-" his body slumped forward but you pulled him back. "th-thisssss u-" his head fell against your shoulder as his body arched away from the pain. "useless-" he was flailing to get away from it. "co-coooock sleeeeeeeeveee-"
you watched as the poor toy couldn't help but release his bladder all over his stubby thighs and your lap.
"oh no... i think achilles wants to be punished even more."
#replies#sub yandere#yandere x male reader#male reader#top male reader#yandere oc#yandere crime lord
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Feyre's Grand Gesture
Pairing: Feyre/Rhysand Summery: After five years of marriage Feyre is becoming tired of Rhysand's constant grand gestures, and decides it is about time to give him taste of his own medicine. Content Warnings: N/A Author's Note: A fun little idea I came up with months and months ago that I finally got the inspiration to write! I’m actually super nervous to post this and keep going over and over it but I just want it out in the world so I am pressing post and hoping that you all enjoy it ❤️
Feyre Archeron looked out at the sea of powder pink peonies that covered the bottom floor of the River House and knew that she had reached her absolute limit.
Rhysand was getting ridiculously out of hand. He’d always had a flare for the dramatic but his recent spate of grand gestures was driving her up the wall. In the coming days it was their fifth mating anniversary, and whilst Feyre would have been happy with a quiet weekend away at the cabin, Rhys had spent the last few weeks being exceptionally extravagant.
First it had been the five new tiaras he had gifted her, the sparkling silver settings dripping with the finest of jewels. A week later, he had five hundred fireworks set off over Velaris, irritating his brothers who had to wait hours to fly home due to the lingering smoke. Now Feyre had come home, exhausted from the studio with her four year old son wriggling away in her arms, to find her husband standing in the centre of what very much looked like five thousand flowers. Enough was enough. It was about time Feyre played her mate at his own game.
When Feyre had asked Rhys what he would like for his birthday the following month, his wish was simple: a day in bed with his beautiful mate, followed by his favourite meal with their friends and family. Unfortunately for him, Feyre had already chosen to ignore him completely.
Three weeks later, Rhys was swaddled in the warmth of his bed, deep in slumber, when a shrill, piercing noise burst through the River House sending him cascading out of bed in a tangle of leathery wings and cotton bed sheets. Disorientated and highly confused, he sprung from the cold floor ready for a fight, only to be greeted with the smiling face of his wife, her eyes wide and a huge party blower between her lips.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Feyre screamed at the top of her lungs, throwing herself into Rhys’s arms and peppering his flushed face with sloppy kisses.
Once his heart had steadied its pace in his chest, Rhys scooped his mate onto the bed, a sly smile taking over his face as he began to trail gentle kisses down her neck.
“Ah ah ah!” She stopped him, one hand on his chest and the other lifting his chin.
“We have no time for that, Darling, there's far too much to do,” Feyre whispered, with a devious glint in her eye.
“But I thought we were spending the day in bed?” Rhys purred, the air thick with the scent of his arousal.
“Don’t be silly, it’s your birthday! We have to celebrate,” she insisted, jumping off the bed and pulling her groaning husband behind her.
Soft music floated through the house, as a very confused Rhysand and a smirking Feyre padded barefoot down the grand wooden staircase in their matching silk pyjamas. The music was a cacophony of violins, flutes and horns, the various instruments knitting together in beautiful harmony. The instrumental that played as the pair entered the dining room was as familiar to Rhysand as the heart and soul of the beauty beside him.
It’s the song you played me under the mountain Feyre spoke gently into Rhys’s mind. He sent a wave of love down the bond in response, before he finally looked around the room. He had anticipated the presence of the inner circle, laughing and eating and sharing stories over breakfast. He did not expect however, the entire Velaris orchestra to be filling every nook and cranny of the ground floor of his home.
Squeezing past legs and bows and instruments galore, Rhysand joined his wife at the head of the table and settled himself to eat breakfast with an audience. It was rather nice at first, the gentle strings providing a pleasant aura in the room, but then things began to get a bit more intense. Suddenly the music swelled and the close proximity of the performers caused him to wince. Rhysand would have loved to tell these people to politely get the fuck out of his house, but Feyre was beaming and he couldn’t let her know that this surprise was truly unwanted. So Rhys sat, and ate, and smiled. That was until he realised that the clashing symbols were directly seated behind his head and he ended up wearing his morning coffee.
Once Rhysand’s ears had stopped ringing Feyre ushered the inner circle outside, and stopped them directly in the centre of the perfectly manicured front lawn. Next to her stood a dauntingly large object, mysteriously covered in a white sheet.
"Mor, Amren, will you do the honours?" Feyre asked excitedly. Cast in the shadow of the extraordinary gift, Amren and Mor revealed the surprise. Rhysand could do nothing but stare in shock at the 10 foot tall marble statue before him.
"Do you like it? I commissioned the greatest sculptor in Pythian to make a exact replica of you!"
"Feyre it's - I-" he stumbled, trying to think of any response that would not hurt her feelings.
"You love it! I just knew you would!" Feyre cheered, clapping with joy.
Rhysand chose to ignore the sarcastic jibes that came from the rest of the inner circle at Feyre's gift and prayed to the Mother that they'd one day let it go. He could hardly blame them, the thing was horrific, but he loved his wife more than his pride and so for her he sucked it up and took every joke thrown his way.
The morning continued in a chaos. After the reveal of the statue Feyre announced that she had replaced all of Rhysand’s vintage wine and bought him a full case of brand new bottles because "Who wants 400 year old wine!".
As Rhys recovered from that shock, Feyre informed the room that she had written a poem (with the help of Cassian), dedicated to her mate. It was every bit as painful as he feared it might be. Rhys knew his wife was talented beyond belief, and he would always be her biggest supporter, but poetry was clearly not her forte.
As the morning slipped into afternoon the inner circle cleared out and Feyre suggested that they should take a family stroll through Velaris to get some ice cream. Rhys let out a sigh of relief. Finally, a relaxed afternoon with his mate and their precious son, just their little family on a gentle stroll through the city he loved with his entire being.
The walk was exactly what Rhysand needed. With Feyre's hand in his and Nyx's tiny giggles filling the air, he felt nothing but contentment. That was, until they reached their destination.
As they approached the cobbled alley the ice cream parlour sat upon, Feyre revealed that she needed to quickly pop into the dance studio next door to finalise some agreements on a painting she was making for the owner. Happy to make a minor detour Rhys followed his wife and son through a large oak panelled door, into the studio space.
"Why is it so dark in-"
"SUUUUURPRISE!"
The lights flashed on as a symphony of voices melded together and endless amounts of glitter dropped from the ceiling. He'd be finding that for weeks!
Rhysand should have known. Feyre never would have insisted they dress so nicely if her plan truly was a casual stroll for ice cream.
The studio had been decorated within an inch of its life. A disco ball dropped elegantly from the ceiling, shimmering lights cascading around the room in its wake. Balloons and streamers in Night Court colours were everywhere, and a large table sat in the centre of the room, with a ten tiered chocolate cake proudly dominating the space.
The room was filled with friends, but also a lot of people Rhys barely recognised, and every single one of them wanted to speak to the man of the hour.
An hour and a half later, after battling through a crowd of loose acquaintances, Rhys finally made it back to his wife. After a quick peck on the lips, Feyre swiftly directed his attention to a rather intoxicated Helion, who had not only stolen the mic from the lead singer of the band she had hired, but also began to serenade Rhys with a very passionate love song.
The afternoon bled into night and the dance floor began to thin. Nyx had tired himself out chasing balloons with his uncles, and had fallen asleep on his Aunt Nesta's lap. Scooping him into her arms, Feyre began to make the rounds informing everyone that the bar would be free until midnight, but that they had to go home to put their little one to bed. She did tell Rhys to stay out and enjoy himself for a while longer, but he jumped at the opportunity to return home to peace and quiet after hours of socialising.
Once they had settled Nyx snug into his bed and kissed him goodnight, Rhys and Feyre ventured back downstairs and sank into their plush sofa.
“So my love, have you had a nice day?” Feyre asked, glee swimming in her eyes.
“Yes Darling. It was … good,” Rhys replied, double checking his shields were in place, and that his mate couldn’t sense his lie.
“Good?” Feyre quizzed, cocking her head to one side and furrowing her brow.
“Yeah. Very nice!” he responded weakly, trying his very best to smile and not grimace.
“You didn't like it did you Rhys?” Feyre stated plainly.
“I did! You put in so much effort and it can’t have been easy getting everything organised on top of what you already do for us all on a daily basis, it was just maybe, perhaps, a little … much,” Rhys winced, desperately hoping that this revelation would not hurt the love of his life, but needing to get the truth off his chest.
“Oh, really?” Feyre probed. She didn’t look particularly upset about the confession, but Rhys felt he should still tread lightly.
“It’s just, I don’t need all of that stuff. The big party, the giant gifts. I just wanted to spend a day with you but instead I was surrounded by strangers and lavished with many, many surprises,”
“Oh, okay,” Feyre replied thoughtfully. “So in future it would be best to keep it simple? No more grand gestures?”
“Yeah, just us. All that other stuff, it doesn’t-” Rhys stopped himself abruptly as the penny suddenly dropped.
I don’t need all of this stuff Rhys. It doesn’t matter when I have you!
Feyre’s words echoed around the room. How many times had she told him that exact thing? And how many times had he ignored it?
“Oh,” Rhys smirked, seeing the day for the first time , for exactly what it was.
“This was payback,” he laughed, impressed with his mates plotting.
“Yeah, kind of,” Feyre smiled sheepishly.
“I did want you to have a nice day, I promise! I just got slightly carried away with the whole teaching you a lesson thing,”
Rhys pulled Feyre into him then, laughing and holding her close.
“Five years in and you still keep me on my toes. Never change Feyre Archeron,”
“I just wanted you to see that I don’t need fireworks when I’m married to pure starlight,”
Rhysand’s heart swelled. He had done many things throughout his life that he was ashamed of, that he regretted and wished that he could change, but whenever he had his beautiful mate in his arms, he felt like maybe he at least got some things right.
“I get it Feyre. I still don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop fully, but maybe a few thousand less flowers next time,”
“That sounds perfect,” Feyre whispered happily, snuggling further into the warmth of her husbands chest.
“As long as you promise to get rid of that horrific statue first thing in the morning!” Rhys adds, the huge marble effigy looming in his mind.
“It’s a deal,” Feyre said, bursting into a fit of giggles and pulling Rhys in for kiss.
Taglist: @paleidiot @lilah-asteria @babypeapoddd @mybestfriendmademe
Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my taglist 💕
Lovely dividers by: @tsunami-of-tears
#acotar#feysand#acotar fanfiction#feyre archeron#rhysand#a court of thorns and roses#feyre x rhysand
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never let it be said that shen yuan doesnt fight for his man with bloody teeth
he started off already risking being sent back to his dead body to protect baby binghe the best he could on his first meeting and then continued to do so once the ooc shackles came off, made sure he felt loved and safe and at home on cqm, gave him every advantage he could think of (and then wondered why binghe got out of the abyss 2 yrs early, honey...), but bc those scum villain blinders were on so tight, he doesnt accept that he (the man shen yuan inside the character shen qingqiu) can change his own path enough to not be killed, and plans his own death accordingly bc he wont ever fight against binghe again if he can help it, i just...
this man loves binghe so much that he couldnt even conceive of a world in which binghe loves him back - and thats not just the comphet olympics in his brain talking, sy genuinely believes he's unlovable and only maybe sort of likeable by his fellow peak lords, and part of that comes from being forced into a scum villains role and not knowing the bigger picture behind sqq's actions (not even touching on how sy barely saw the entire cast of pidw as people until binghe actually looked hurt to him), but the rest was already preprogrammed before he transmigrated, and i want to know who hurt him so bad - bc all sy could imagine is that the whole world should love binghe, bc thats howmuch sy loves him the story is supposed to go, but all he could imagine for himself was gratitude at best and his demise at worst, until the very moment that it becomes clear that lbh has done everything, fucking EVERYTHING, to get sqq to love him back and i just SCREAMS
i cant imagine that sy would just let binghe go if he should ever decide to love someone else, the possession goes both ways with these two, and sy would fight tooth and nail to keep binghe for himself
#svsss#bingqiu#ur honor in unwell about these men#what im saying is i want more content of sy going absolutely feral over lbh being in distress#i want to see sy tearing entire civilizations down for daring to not love his binghe#someone mentions that lord luo is looking at adding more consorts to his castle and sy loses his entire shit about it#confronting lbh the only way he knows how with cold cunning and strategic marriages of those rumored beauties to someone else in the court#before saying some shit equivalent to 'i dont want to share you' but in sqq-ese to lbh#listen im promise ill get back to hatman au eventually but this has been digging at my brain for a week straight now#any world where sqq even gets a WHIFF of lbh suddenly showing him slightly less affection is not a world he will abide by#will he actually use his words to say so? no cuz theres no plausible deniability that way#but will he take action about it??? oh with spiteful glee
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the setback ─ rafe cameron; part seventeen
summary: it's been two years since your departure from the outer banks and rafe cameron has seemingly convinced himself that he can go on with his life as if you never happened, except now more than ever his addiction is at an all time high. whether he was snorting lines of cocaine at wild parties or drowning himself in alcohol to numb the pain, rafe couldn't escape the memories of you. despite his efforts to bury his feelings, your absence lingered like a shadow, haunting him at every turn. meanwhile, you've been navigating life outside the outer banks, trying to carve out a new path for yourself. but no matter how far you've traveled, the memories of rafe cameron still linger in your heart, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business. as you find yourself facing new challenges and opportunities, you can't help but wonder if fate will eventually bring you back to the place where it all began.
warnings: angst, swearing, fluff
author's note: this series has been a long time coming and i am so happy it has taken off the way it has. i appreciate all the love and support you all have given this story, but we have reached the end. i do not want to overkill this story or beat a dead horse, because the longer it goes on it leaves room for more to happen than i planned for. i plan on pursuing other stories from here but this one will always have my heart because it was my first ever on tumblr. <3
Sofia’s admission hit Rafe like ice water on a fevered brow, jolting him out of his haze with a suddenness that nearly knocked the air from his lungs. The dim, pulsing lights of the club blurred as he shoved through the writhing crowd, his mind teetering on the edge of panic. Every step felt like wading through quicksand, the noise of laughing strangers and the thrum of bass only deepening his disorientation. His chest tightened, his breaths coming short and rapid as the realization of your danger tunneled his vision, choking his throat with an unfamiliar dread.
By the time Rafe burst through the doors and into the humid night air, he was gasping. His hands gripped his knees, his body doubled over as he fought for control, the sharp sting of fear pumping through his veins like a poison. The streetlights cast jagged shadows across the cracked pavement beneath him, their orange glow flickering with every unsteady breath he drew. His heart hammered against his ribs as if it were trying to tear free, every pulse of it screaming a warning that reverberated through his entire being.
His thoughts came in fragmented bursts, spiraling—she’s in danger—a relentless echo. He pictured you, vulnerable, caught in some trap his father had set. His mind spun with worst-case scenarios, each more terrifying than the last, while the terror of losing you drove him to the brink of collapse. A wave of nausea hit him, but he forced it back, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing down the panic threatening to unravel him.
He couldn’t lose you. Not now. Not like this.
Standing upright, Rafe ran a shaky hand through his disheveled hair, the night air doing nothing to cool the heat surging beneath his skin. The world outside the club seemed to spin in slow motion, people passing by oblivious to the storm raging within him. He clenched his fists, forcing himself to focus, adrenaline igniting something feral and primal in his chest. He knew only one thing: he had to find you, and there wasn’t a second to waste.
Rafe’s eyes darted wildly around the street as he paced, his mind racing with chaotic thoughts that he struggled to piece together. His fingers raked through his dirty blond hair, pulling at the strands in frustration, his heart hammering a frantic rhythm against his ribcage. Every muscle in his body was tight with anxiety, and he could feel his pulse throbbing in his temples. He had to calm down—he knew that. But the fear gnawed at him, relentless, pulling him deeper into a spiral.
Get it together. Focus. He whispered to himself, his voice barely audible over the rush of his own breathing. The thought of you being in danger sent another wave of panic through him, but he forced himself to push it down. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart. He couldn’t afford to. Not with you on the line.
The idea of getting in his truck crossed his mind, but the very notion of driving in the state he was in felt like a death sentence. His body still buzzed with the remnants of coke and alcohol, the drugs pulsing through his bloodstream, clouding his judgment. If he got behind the wheel now, it would be reckless, maybe even fatal. And then there was Topper—no help at all, slumped somewhere back in the club, likely even more wasted than Rafe was. No, he was on his own. Or at least he thought he was.
Then it hit him like a bolt of clarity: Barry.
He grimaced at the thought, but desperation left him with no other choice. Barry was the last person he wanted to rely on, the kind of person you only called when things were far past the point of no return. But that’s exactly where he was now—past the point of no return. If anyone had the connections, the means to track down his father or whatever shady plot Ward had concocted, it would be Barry.
Rafe’s phone trembled in his hand as he pulled it out of his pocket, the screen blurry as he scrolled through his contacts. His fingers hesitated above Barry’s name, but he took a breath and tapped the call button. The dial tone seemed to stretch on forever, each ring tightening the knot of anxiety in his stomach.
Finally, a gravelly voice answered on the other end. “Rafe? The hell you callin’ me for at this hour?”
Rafe swallowed hard, his voice strained as he spoke. “I need your help, Barry. It’s… it’s about my dad. And it’s about her.”
There was a pause on the line, a low chuckle from Barry that sent a chill down Rafe’s spine. “This better be worth my time, Cameron. You know how I work.”
“I know,” Rafe gritted his teeth, feeling the weight of the situation settle even heavier on his shoulders. “Just meet me at the docks. I’ll explain everything.”
With that, he hung up, his jaw clenched as he stuffed the phone back into his pocket. His hands were shaking again, but this time it wasn’t just from fear—it was anger. Anger at his father, anger at Sofia, anger at the world for putting you in this mess.
Rafe’s feet pounded against the pavement, the night air sharp against his flushed skin. His vision tunneled once again, the world around him reduced to nothing but a blur of shadows and streetlights. His breath came in ragged gasps, the sting of adrenaline burning in his lungs, but he couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t. His legs carried him forward with reckless speed, driven by the sheer force of desperation.
The dock wasn’t far, but it felt like miles as he sprinted down the road, heart hammering in his chest. Maybe it was the cocktail of substances still coursing through his veins, or maybe it was the raw fear gnawing at him, but he ran like his life depended on it.
No, not his life—yours.
Every thought, every heartbeat, was consumed by the image of you in danger, your face flashing before his eyes as he pushed himself harder. The world around him felt surreal, distorted, like a fever dream where time slowed and sped up at random. The night sky seemed to tilt above him, the ground swaying beneath his feet, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t.
The familiar smell of saltwater hit his nose as he neared the dock, the wooden structure looming ahead, dimly lit by a few flickering lamps. His steps faltered for just a second as he spotted a figure leaning against one of the posts, the outline unmistakable even from a distance. Barry.
Rafe forced himself to slow down, his heart still racing as he approached. He could feel the weight of the situation pressing down on him like a vice, but there was no turning back now. He needed answers. He needed you safe.
Barry lifted his head as Rafe came into view, his smirk visible even in the low light. “You look like shit, Cameron.”
Rafe's words came out in a frantic rush, barely coherent as his panic clawed its way to the surface. His breath was uneven, and his eyes, wild with desperation, darted toward Barry with an intensity that made it clear how urgent this was. “We have to find Y/N. I need you to help me find her, please, I—”
Barry narrowed his eyes, exhaling another lazy stream of smoke, clearly enjoying watching Rafe unravel. "Whoa, slow down," he said, his voice thick with amusement, like he was savoring Rafe's desperation. "You're all worked up for what? A girl? I thought you'd grown a spine by now."
Rafe took a step closer, fists clenched at his sides, his voice strained as he tried to steady himself. “This isn’t a joke, Barry. My dad’s involved. Sofia’s involved. They’re coming after her, and I can’t—” his voice broke for a moment, "I can’t let them hurt her."
Barry tilted his head, flicking the cigarette butt onto the ground and grinding it under his heel. “Ward’s always got his hands in some deep shit, doesn’t he?” His smirk widened, but his eyes sharpened with interest. “So, you’re saying there’s trouble. Sounds like a dangerous game, Rafe. How do I know your daddy won't turn around and fuck me over next?"
Rafe’s jaw tightened as Barry’s smirk deepened, the question lingering like a taunt. He knew Barry wasn’t the type to jump into anything without weighing the risks—especially when it involved the Camerons. Taking a shaky breath, Rafe tried to steady himself, to present some semblance of control. "Because I’ll make sure it doesn’t. This is on me, not you. I just need your help."
Barry let out a low chuckle, amused by Rafe's desperation. "Oh, so now you're the hero? What makes you think you can keep me out of the crossfire when your whole family’s knee-deep in it?"
Rafe ran a trembling hand through his dirty blond hair, feeling the weight of the substances in his system pulling him down. "You won't be on the radar. My dad won’t even know you're involved. This is between me and him. Sofia’s already in, so you’ve got leverage."
Barry’s expression shifted, the smirk fading as he considered the offer. His fingers drummed against his side, eyes studying Rafe. “Leverage, huh? Sounds like you’re neck-deep in something nasty. And if it backfires...”
“It won’t,” Rafe interrupted, his voice sharp and pleading all at once. "I’ll make sure it doesn’t."
Barry stared him down for a long moment, weighing his options. Finally, he flicked a glance at Rafe, sizing him up. “Alright,” he said, his voice slow, calculating. “But if this does turn sideways, I’ll bury you before Ward even gets a chance. You hear me?”
Rafe nodded quickly, the words slicing through his panic. "Yeah, I hear you. Just help me find her."
"Well alright," Barry sighed almost in defeat, his shoulders slumping as he turned his heel, motioning Rafe to follow, "let's get goin'."
Rafe let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, his pulse still racing but with a flicker of hope now threaded through the fear. He quickly followed Barry to the beat-up truck, the gravel crunching under their feet. The night air felt heavy, thick with the tension of what they were about to do.
Barry opened the driver’s side door, glancing back at Rafe with a half-smirk. “Get in. And try not to puke in my truck, yeah?”
Rafe ignored the jab, climbing into the passenger seat as Barry started the engine. The old truck roared to life, and they took off down the road, the headlights slicing through the dark.
As they sped away from the dock, the inside of the truck was filled with the low hum of the engine and the rattling of loose parts. Rafe stared out the window, his mind spinning with thoughts of you. Every second that passed felt like an eternity, the knot in his stomach tightening with every mile. He couldn’t stop imagining what his father might do, or what Sofia’s resentment might lead to.
Barry, sensing Rafe’s silence, glanced over, his eyes flicking between the road and his passenger. “So, what exactly does your daddy have planned this time?” he asked, voice casual, but there was a sharpness behind it.
Rafe didn’t answer right away, his jaw clenching as he replayed the chaotic events of the past few days. Ward’s betrayal, Sofia’s confession, the looming threat that seemed to press down on him like a weight he couldn’t shake.
“I don’t know all the details,” Rafe finally muttered, his voice tight with frustration. “But it’s bad. Real bad.”
Barry raised an eyebrow, his hands steady on the wheel as they sped down the dimly lit road. “Define ‘bad,’ Rafe. You’re talkin’ like your old man’s about to blow up the island or somethin’.”
Rafe shook his head, running his hand through his disheveled hair. “He put a hit out on her. On y/n.” His voice cracked slightly, as if saying it out loud made the threat even more real. “He thinks she’s tied up with John B and the Pogues, thinks she’s some kind of liability. But she’s not, Barry. She’s innocent.”
Barry let out a low whistle, shaking his head slowly. “Ward Cameron never could tell the difference between business and personal, could he?”
The truck hit a bump in the road, but neither of them flinched. The silence stretched, the gravity of the situation settling between them like a storm cloud.
“So, you’re up against Ward now,” Barry said, glancing sideways at Rafe again. “Man, you’ve got balls. Most people would’ve run for the hills by now.”
“I’m not running,” Rafe snapped, his anger flaring up again. “I’m not letting him ruin her life like he’s ruined mine.”
Barry grinned, the corners of his mouth tugging up in that familiar, crooked way. “Alright, man. I’m in. But just know, whatever comes next—it’s gonna get ugly.”
Barry's truck roared down the deserted streets, the engine's growl a constant, urgent reminder of the time slipping away. Rafe sat in the passenger seat, his fingers gripping the edge of his seat, knuckles white and strained. The road stretched out before them like an unending ribbon of asphalt, the dim streetlights casting long, flickering shadows that seemed to dance with his growing panic.
Every minute felt like an eternity as they drove through familiar yet alien landscapes. They passed by the docks, the bars, and the places you’d once frequented. Rafe's eyes darted around, desperately scanning for any sign of you, but the night remained stubbornly indifferent. The neon signs of local bars blurred into a chaotic smear of color, each one a reminder of how many places he had searched and how many hours had slipped by.
“Damn it!” Rafe yelled, his voice cracking with frustration. He punched the dashboard with a force that made the truck’s interior shudder but didn’t quite break anything. His breath came in short, ragged bursts as he tried to keep himself calm, but the fear that something terrible might happen to you was relentless.
Barry's eyes flickered over to Rafe, a mix of concern and impatience etched on his face. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, the knuckles on his hands turning a stark white. “Look, we’ve been driving around for half an hour, hitting all your usual spots. There’s no sign of her,” Barry said, his voice steady but edged with frustration. He glanced at Rafe, who was staring out the window with a look of desolation.
Barry’s gaze shifted back to the road, then to Rafe. “Alright, look, why don’t we just show up at John B’s and ask ‘em where she’s at? I mean, it won’t hurt to check. We might find something there.”
Defeat etched over Rafe's features as he slumped down into the passenger's seat, momentarily peering over at Barry as if he was contemplating his suggestion. Everywhere else seemed to be a bust, therefor it was the only option left for him to go. "Alright," he sighed, throwing his hands up, "let's go."
Barry's eyes softened with a hint of empathy as he observed Rafe's expression. The stark contrast between Rafe's usually confident demeanor and the current look of defeat was jarring. Without a word, Barry turned the truck around, the vehicle's headlights slicing through the night, leading them back toward familiar terrain.
The road felt endless under the truck’s tires, each mile stretching out with agonizing slowness. The lights of bars and shops, once vibrant and promising, now seemed to mock Rafe’s anxiety with their indifferent glow. He sat in the passenger seat, his gaze fixed on the window, eyes following the blur of passing streetlights and shadows.
As they approached the chateau, Rafe’s mind raced. The enormity of the situation pressed down on him, the fear for your safety overwhelming every other thought. Barry parked the truck outside John B’s place, the vehicle’s engine rumbling to a stop. The street was quiet, the only sounds being the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze and the distant hum of a late-night radio.
Rafe glanced over at Barry, his face drawn and weary. “Thanks for doing this,” he said, his voice heavy with gratitude and exhaustion. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before they approached the front door.
Barry nodded, giving Rafe a reassuring pat on the shoulder before stepping out of the truck. They walked up the path to the house, the porch light casting long shadows that danced with their footsteps. The door loomed ahead, a barrier to answers and perhaps, hope.
Rafe hesitated for a moment, then raised his hand and knocked. The sound of the knuckles hitting the wood was sharp and clear, breaking the silence of the night. The minutes felt like hours as they waited, the anticipation almost unbearable. Rafe shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his mind replaying every possible scenario.
Finally, the door creaked open, revealing a groggy John B with disheveled hair and a puzzled expression. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of Rafe and Barry standing on the doorstep.
“Rafe?” John B’s voice was a mix of confusion and concern. "What are you doing here?"
Rafe’s voice trembled with urgency as he stepped into John B’s living room, his eyes scanning the space frantically. His gaze darted around, searching for any sign of you. “I need to find y/n. Is she here?” he asked, his voice laced with desperation and a tinge of fear.
John B’s expression shifted from surprise to a mixture of concern and secrecy. “No, she’s not here.” He swallowed thickly, his gaze darting away briefly as if grappling with something unspoken. His demeanor was tense, a stark contrast to his usual easygoing nature.
Rafe’s pulse quickened. “What do you mean? Where is she? John B, I need to know.”
John B hesitated, his face a mask of conflicted emotions. “Look, Rafe, there’s more to this than you realize. We’re trying to protect her. Ward’s threats— they’re serious. If we don’t keep her hidden, things could get worse.”
Rafe’s eyes widened, panic and anger mixing in his gaze. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re hiding her? Why wouldn’t you tell me? She’s in danger, and I need to find her!”
John B’s face hardened with resolve. “We’re hiding her because it’s the safest place for her right now. Ward’s dangerous, and if he gets a whiff of where she is, it could end badly. I know you’re desperate, but honestly, you’re the last person who should see her right now. You’re the reason she and all of us are in this.”
Rafe’s eyes widened, his heart pounding in his chest. “Don’t you dare say I did this to her.” His voice cracked with a mixture of outrage and anguish.
John B’s expression softened for a moment, but his resolve remained firm. “He’s your dad, Rafe.”
The words hung heavily in the air, cutting through the tension like a knife. Rafe’s face contorted with a mix of pain and frustration. “What does that have to do with anything? You think I’m just going to sit back and let him hurt her? I don’t care who he is—he’s not going to touch her.”
John B’s gaze was steady, though there was an undercurrent of sorrow. “It’s not about who he is. It’s about what he’s capable of. He’s dangerous, and you’re right in the middle of it. That makes it harder for us to protect her if you’re involved.”
Rafe’s fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles white. “So, what am I supposed to do? Just sit around and wait? I can’t do that. I need to find her.”
John B stepped closer, his tone firm yet sympathetic. “I get that you want to help, but right now, the best thing you can do is stay away. We’ve got a plan to keep her safe, and bringing you into it could complicate things further. You need to focus on dealing with Ward.”
Rafe wasn't simply going to let it go, not when it involved your wellbeing. His frustration began bubbling higher and higher, his anticipation eating away at him as time passed. John B's refusal to give up your whereabouts only complicated things for Rafe further, leaving him to feel like he was backed into a corner waiting for a war to erupt. He knew John B was not one to back down when he stood his ground, but neither was Rafe.
"Look John B, I know we have never gotten along and probably never will, but for just this instance can you please just put that aside and at least give me a clue to where she could be? I've looked at every corner of the Cut and you guys are my only chance to figure out where she is."
John B's jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing as he considered Rafe’s plea. "You think I’m just going to give her up? After everything?" His voice was sharp, defensive.
Rafe stepped closer, his frustration boiling over. "I’m not asking you to trust me, or even forgive me. I just need to know that she’s safe. Ward’s not going to stop, John B. And if I can’t find her, he will."
John B's hardened expression faltered for a moment. He could see the desperation in Rafe's eyes—the desperation of someone who was genuinely afraid for you. Still, he shook his head, taking a breath as he crossed his arms. "Rafe, I don’t trust you. And I don’t trust that you won't lead your dad straight to her, even if you don’t mean to."
Rafe’s shoulders slumped in defeat, his voice cracking as he spoke. "I would never let him touch her. I’m trying to protect her—same as you. I just—" His voice wavered, barely a whisper. "I can't lose her."
John B hesitated, his brow furrowing as he watched Rafe. There was something different in his voice, something more genuine than he’d expected. He wasn’t used to seeing Rafe like this—vulnerable, pleading. It made him hesitate.
"She’s safe," John B finally said, his tone quieter now. "But that’s all you need to know. You need to back off. The more you push, the more danger you put her in."
Rafe’s frustration flared again, but he swallowed it, knowing that arguing more would get him nowhere. He stared at John B for a moment longer, feeling the helplessness creeping up on him. "Just… just tell her I’m trying to help. Please." His voice broke on the last word.
John B nodded stiffly, his expression unreadable. "We’ll make sure she knows," he said, turning to walk back toward the house. "But you need to leave this alone, Rafe. For her sake."
Rafe swallowed hard, the fear and frustration mixing with a sense of helplessness he hadn’t felt in years. "I don’t know how to walk away from this," he admitted, his voice barely audible. "I can’t just leave her in danger."
John B’s gaze softened, and he took a step closer, lowering his voice. “You love her, don’t you?”
Rafe’s throat tightened, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He looked away, staring at the floor as he nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I do.”
A silence settled over the room, heavy with unspoken words. Finally, John B placed a hand on Rafe’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “Then trust us,” he said quietly. “Trust me. We’re on the same side here.”
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
Rafe had never been good at handling silence, and the last three weeks had felt like an eternity. He’d made it through plenty of rough patches before, but this time was different. There was an emptiness he couldn’t shake—a nagging, constant fear gnawing at him from the inside out. The usual distraction tactics weren’t working anymore.
He'd spend hours at the golf course with Topper and Kelce, making small talk about future trips and complaining about the latest club drama. But every time he lined up a shot, his mind wandered back to you. He could see you in his peripheral vision, your smile, your laugh—always just out of reach. Even at the Pelican Yacht Club, with its sun-drenched decks and cool sea breeze, he found no comfort. He'd sit there with a drink in hand, zoning out as his friends talked about plans for the next regatta. It felt like they were in another world, one he couldn’t access.
Rafe had told himself you were with the Pogues, hiding out, and that they were probably getting into their usual reckless trouble. At least if you were with them, you weren’t alone. It should’ve been enough to reassure him, but it wasn’t. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he knew that if Ward had any idea where you were, he’d already have made a move. The thought made him nauseous. Ward was gone too—radio silent. It wasn’t like his father to stay off the grid this long, and the eerie stillness around his disappearance made Rafe’s skin crawl.
Every time his phone buzzed, his heart would leap into his throat. He'd drop whatever he was doing, half expecting your name to light up his screen. But it never was. It was always Topper asking about plans for the night, Kelce wanting to hit the links again, or one of the Kook girls trying to make conversation. He was slipping—losing his grip on his usual cool demeanor. His patience had worn thin, and the smallest annoyances set him off. He could feel his friends’ stares when they thought he wasn’t looking, exchanging concerned glances behind his back.
“What’s with you, man?” Topper had asked him last night, standing on the deck of the club, his voice low so the others wouldn’t hear. “You’ve been out of it lately.”
Rafe had forced a smile, brushing it off with a shrug. “Just family stuff,” he’d said, offering no further explanation. Topper didn’t press, but the worry in his eyes lingered, as if he could see the cracks forming in Rafe’s facade.
In moments of quiet, when the noise of the club died down and the laughter from the other tables faded into background chatter, Rafe felt the crushing weight of his own powerlessness. He didn’t know where you were, if you were safe, or if you were thinking about him at all. And the thought of you being hurt—or worse, alone and afraid—made him want to tear apart the entire island until he found you.
It had never been like this before. He’d never cared so deeply for someone that their absence felt like a physical wound. And now, with both you and his father missing, Rafe felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, the ground crumbling beneath his feet.
He pulled out his phone again, his fingers hesitating over your contact. He hadn’t called you in weeks, not since the last time you’d spoken—the argument you’d had before you disappeared. He wanted to hear your voice, to know that you were okay, but he was afraid you wouldn’t pick up. Afraid you would, and he wouldn’t know what to say.
In the end, he just stared at your name on the screen, his thumb hovering over the call button. He hated how weak he felt, how much he needed you. With a frustrated sigh, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and ran a hand through his hair, staring out at the horizon.
Rafe couldn’t stand the noise anymore. The laughter, the clinking glasses, the mindless chatter—it all grated on him like nails on a chalkboard. He clenched his jaw, feeling the tension building in his chest, and before he could talk himself out of it, he pushed back his chair and stood up abruptly.
"I'll catch you guys later," he said, his voice flat.
Topper and Kelce exchanged puzzled looks, caught off guard by his sudden departure. "You good, man?" Kelce called after him, but Rafe didn’t even bother to turn around. He gave a half-hearted wave over his shoulder as he made his way out of the club, ignoring the murmurs of confusion from the group behind him.
He needed to be alone, away from the forced smiles and meaningless conversations. He needed to escape the pressure building inside him like a storm ready to break. His feet carried him quickly to his truck, his hands already fumbling for his keys as he approached. The second he got inside, he slammed the door shut and let out a long, shaky breath.
For the first time all day, he felt a sliver of relief. The silence of the truck enveloped him, offering a brief respite from the chaos swirling in his mind. He leaned back against the seat, staring at the steering wheel as he tried to gather his thoughts. It was the first quiet moment he’d had in weeks, and he felt like he could finally breathe.
He pressed his palms to his eyes, as if the pressure could somehow force the pain out of his head. The knot in his chest tightened when he thought of you—where you were, if you were safe, if you even missed him. He was used to feeling in control, to having answers, but right now, he felt like he was spiraling, clutching at straws to make sense of it all. And then there was Ward's disappearance, which left an eerie silence hanging over his life, amplifying his uncertainty tenfold.
After a few minutes, he exhaled deeply, starting the truck. The engine’s rumble filled the air, grounding him in the moment. He pulled out of the lot and headed back home, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. He needed to get away from it all, to shut the world out until he could figure out how to mend the mess inside him.
As he drove, the familiar scenery of Figure Eight blurred past him, the golden hues of the setting sun casting long shadows on the road. It was a drive he’d made a thousand times, but today it felt different. The wind blowing through the open windows didn’t bring its usual comfort; it only reminded him of how empty everything felt without you by his side.
When he pulled into the long driveway of his family’s estate, the house loomed before him, its white facade glowing in the fading light. It was eerily quiet. He cut the engine and sat there for a moment, staring at the mansion he’d grown up in. It was supposed to feel like home, but right now, it felt like a prison—a stark reminder of everything that was slipping through his fingers.
He made his way inside, letting the door click shut behind him. The silence of the house was suffocating. Rafe threw his keys on the table and headed up the stairs to his room. He shut the door behind him, leaning against it as he took in the familiar sight of his space. It felt just as empty as everything else.
He sank down onto the edge of his bed, dropping his head into his hands. For once, he didn’t try to push the feelings away. He let them wash over him—the fear, the frustration, the longing. He knew he couldn’t hide from it anymore. You were gone, his father was missing, and everything was falling apart.
He squeezed his eyes shut, whispering into the darkness of his room, “Where are you?” The words were a plea, a question directed at you, even though he knew you couldn’t hear him. He just hoped that, wherever you were, you were thinking of him too.
Rafe's chest tightened, and the room seemed to shrink around him as his emotions threatened to boil over. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears, but they welled up regardless, turning his vision blurry. His eyes became red and glossy, the ache in his heart growing unbearable with every passing second. It was like a ghost of you lingered in the room, haunting him with memories he couldn’t escape—your laugh, the way you’d look at him, the feel of your hand in his. Now, all he felt was emptiness.
He couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling that this was his fault. He had made a grave mistake, he was sure of it. If only he had kept a closer watch, if only he had been more careful, maybe you wouldn’t be in danger now. The thought of you being out there, vulnerable and alone, tore him apart. He could almost see you, scared and needing him, but no matter how hard he tried to reach out, you slipped further away from his grasp.
“I’m so sorry,” he muttered, his voice cracking as he bit down on the words. The apology felt hollow, echoing back at him in the empty room. He wanted to scream, to punch something, to make the pain stop—but he was trapped in this limbo of not knowing, of being helpless. And for someone like Rafe, who thrived on control, the helplessness was its own special kind of torture.
His hand tightened around his phone, his knuckles turning white as he gripped it like it was the source of all his pain. In a sudden burst of frustration and grief, he hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a sharp crack, then fell to the floor, the screen shattering into pieces. For a moment, the silence after the impact felt almost comforting. He stared at the wreckage, chest heaving, his breaths coming in ragged gasps.
But the brief satisfaction faded quickly, replaced by a hollow ache. He started pacing, the walls closing in on him as his thoughts spiraled out of control. His mind raced with all the worst-case scenarios, images of you hurt or scared flashing in his head. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it as if the pain could snap him out of this nightmare.
“Dammit!” he shouted, his voice breaking with a mixture of anger and desperation. He felt like he was losing it. He needed to do something—anything—but there was nowhere to go, no one to fight, and no way to find you. He was stuck, and it felt like drowning in quicksand.
Rafe stopped pacing, leaning against the wall as his body sagged under the weight of it all. His fingers dug into the plaster as he tried to ground himself, taking deep, shuddering breaths to calm the storm raging inside. The tears he had been holding back spilled over, streaking down his cheeks. He wasn’t used to this—crying, feeling this vulnerable. It made him feel weak, and he hated it. But right now, he couldn’t help it. He felt broken, shattered like the phone on the ground, and the pieces were too scattered to put back together.
He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. He couldn’t escape the thought of you—your smile, the way you’d look at him like he was more than just a Cameron, more than just the troubled son of Ward. He hadn’t realized how much he needed you until you were gone. And now, he was left with nothing but the crushing guilt that he had failed to protect you.
Rafe’s breath hitched as he heard the knock echo through the house, slicing through the heavy silence. He froze, wiping his tears quickly and forcing himself to compose. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in hours, and he certainly wasn’t expecting company. The confusion quickly morphed into paranoia. He clenched his jaw, his eyes darting to the front door. His mind raced, imagining who it could be. His father? Back from wherever he’d disappeared to, ready to follow through on his threats? The thought alone sent a chill down his spine.
He needed to be ready.
Rafe’s gaze shifted to his bedside table, where the knife gleamed under the dim light. He reached for it, gripping it tightly in his hand, finding some comfort in the cold metal pressing into his palm. He moved cautiously, his steps light and silent, like a predator stalking prey. As he descended the stairs, every creak of the old wood sounded like a gunshot in his ears, making his heart hammer against his ribs. He held his breath, trying to keep quiet as he approached the door, his pulse throbbing in his throat.
He reached the bottom of the steps, his eyes locked on the door. It was slightly ajar, as if whoever was outside had hesitated, not yet willing to push their way in. Rafe moved closer, his back pressed against the wall, knife held at the ready. He strained to listen, trying to pick up any hint of who it might be on the other side. He didn’t hear much—just the faint sound of someone shifting their weight, maybe a shaky breath. His grip on the knife tightened, his knuckles turning white as he mentally prepared himself for an attack.
With a deep, steadying breath, he reached for the doorknob. His fingers trembled as they wrapped around the cool metal, twisting it slowly. He pulled the door open just a crack, peeking through the small sliver to catch a glimpse of whoever was on the other side. He gulped, his throat dry, as he took in the figure standing in the dim porch light.
Rafe's breath hitched as he stared at you, feeling a wave of emotions he couldn't quite place. Relief, disbelief, anger, and something else he couldn’t name all swirled together, leaving him speechless for a moment. His hand trembled, the knife still held in a death grip at his side. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He just stood there, taking you in like he was trying to convince himself you were real and not some figment of his imagination.
"Y/N?" he whispered, voice cracking. It was as if saying your name aloud might break the fragile spell of the moment. He’d pictured this reunion a thousand times—what he’d say, how he’d react—but now that you were actually here, all those plans evaporated. He felt paralyzed, his eyes scanning you up and down, searching for any sign of harm.
But you looked...fine. Unscathed. Healthier than he'd expected. It threw him off completely. He’d been imagining the worst for weeks, thinking you were in danger, or worse—hurt. Yet here you were, standing on his porch, seemingly calm and collected.
Rafe’s shoulders slumped, his posture collapsing under the weight of all the worry he'd carried. He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, feeling the knife slip from his fingers and clatter to the floor. He didn’t even care. He just took a step closer, his eyes fixed on yours, desperate to make sense of what was happening.
“What the hell, Y/N?” he croaked out, his voice breaking. “Where have you been? Why—” He cut himself off, shaking his head as he raked a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me you were okay?”
“I’m tired of hiding, Rafe,” you said flatly, your voice carrying a strange calmness in the chaos of his thoughts. “Nobody else knows that I’m here. I left without telling them.”
Rafe’s brow furrowed in confusion, his mind trying to connect the dots. His heart still pounded in his chest, the weight of everything he’d been through over the past few weeks making it hard to focus. “I... I don’t get it. I thought you hated me because of all of this. I don’t get why—why you’re here.” His voice was shaky, filled with uncertainty as his gaze darted between you and the ground, as if the truth might be hiding in the space between.
"I never hated you," you said, your voice surprisingly steady. You met his gaze head-on, your eyes unflinching, though there was an underlying tension in your shoulders. "I did what I had to do to stay safe."
Rafe's brows furrowed as he processed your words, a painful confusion swirling inside him. "Why didn’t you call me? Why did you disappear without telling me where you were?" His voice cracked with the strain of his emotions. Every inch of his body screamed for answers, for the clarity he'd been missing for weeks.
You stood there, taking a deep breath before answering, the calmness in your voice betraying the storm brewing in your chest. "Because I didn’t want you to come looking for me. Ward knew you would be wherever I was, and I couldn’t risk it."
The words hit Rafe like a punch to the gut, and he felt his world tilt for a second, the weight of your actions now making sense, but only in the way that left him struggling to breathe. He didn’t know how to feel. His hands tightened at his sides, fists clenching as the frustration built up inside him.
"Of course I would look for you, Y/N," Rafe finally choked out, his voice rough with emotion. "I had to make sure you were safe, and it was killing me having to just sit here and hope you were protected."
Your gaze softened, the conflict in your eyes clear as you watched him struggle with the words. You could see the hurt, the years of worry in his eyes, and it made your heart ache in return. But there was something else there too—something you couldn't ignore any longer.
"I know, and I’m sorry." Your voice came out quieter, more fragile, as if it hurt you just as much to say those words. "But I don’t want to do this anymore. No more games, no more hiding, no more danger."
Rafe’s breath caught in his throat as he took in your words, his chest tightening. His first instinct was to reach for you, to pull you into his arms and keep you safe, to make up for the weeks of fear and confusion. But there was something else behind your words, a finality that stopped him in his tracks. He stared at you, disbelief and pain mixing together.
"What do you mean, Y/N?" His voice cracked again, and he fought to steady himself. "What do you mean, 'no more hiding'?"
You took a deep breath, stepping forward slightly, your posture firm but vulnerable. "I mean I want to stop running. I want to stop being afraid. I’ve been through enough, Rafe. And I don’t want to keep living in the shadows, waiting for the next threat to come."
Rafe’s eyes softened, a mix of guilt and understanding crossing his features. He wanted so badly to fix things, to make everything right, but the weight of what you were asking him to do loomed heavy between you both. The past few weeks, the pain, the fear—it was all more than he knew how to handle. But looking at you, standing there, finally free of the fear that had controlled you, he knew what he had to do.
Rafe’s heart hammered in his chest as he processed your words. His mind raced, but the ache in his chest intensified. "What do you want to do, Y/N?" he asked, the rawness in his voice betraying the vulnerability he couldn’t hide.
You didn’t hesitate. Your expression was steady, determined. “I want to leave this place,” you said softly, but with the weight of everything behind it. “I want to go somewhere nobody can find us. Somewhere we can live a normal life, without the constant fear. I can’t take this anymore, Rafe. I need out.”
His breath caught in his throat as you stepped closer. “I want a new life," you continued, your eyes locked on his. "A life where it’s just us, without all the chaos.”
The words hit Rafe like a storm. For a second, he couldn’t find his voice, too overwhelmed by the possibility of a life with you that didn’t have to be defined by the fear and danger that had haunted him for so long.
“You… you really mean that?” he choked out, the doubt evident in his voice. “You want to leave all this behind? For real?”
You nodded. “Yes, Rafe. I’m tired of running, tired of being afraid. I want to build something different. With you.”
Rafe’s chest tightened at the sincerity in your words. He had always known you were strong, but this—this was something different. The weight of what you were asking, what you were willing to risk for the two of you, settled in the pit of his stomach. It was overwhelming, but it also felt like the right kind of overwhelming.
“You’d really leave it all behind? You’d trust me with that?” His voice cracked on the last word, the depth of his feelings for you surfacing in a way he hadn’t expected.
You took another step forward, closing the distance between you. “I trust you, Rafe,” you said, your voice unwavering. “And I’m done with this life. I want more than this. I want a future. With you.”
Rafe stood there for a moment, his mind scrambling to catch up with the magnitude of what you were saying. The idea of a life without his father’s control, without the constant tension, without all the chaos—it was almost too much to comprehend. But the one thing that stood out, clearer than anything, was you. You were standing there, offering him everything.
He stepped forward, his hand finding yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles as if trying to ground himself in the reality of what was happening. “Then let’s do it,” he said, his voice fierce with determination. “Let’s leave this place behind, together.”
The words hit you like a breath of fresh air, lifting the heaviness that had been suffocating you. You didn’t have to pretend anymore, didn’t have to hide behind walls of fear or uncertainty. You could finally see a future, a future with him, far away from the chaos and the danger. Your heart swelled in your chest, and for the first time in what felt like forever, a genuine smile spread across your face.
Rafe noticed it instantly—how your eyes softened, how the sadness and strain seemed to melt away. The corners of your lips curled upward, and without thinking, you stepped into him, closing the space between you. His hand tightened around yours, but before he could say anything, your lips found his.
It was sudden, but it was everything. The kiss was deep, urgent, and filled with the unspoken promises you both had carried in silence. Rafe responded instinctively, pulling you closer, his hand sliding to the small of your back as if to hold you in place, as if he could anchor you to him, keep you safe, keep you close.
In one swift motion, Rafe lifted you off the ground, his arms strong around you, as if he could carry all of your burdens with the ease of holding you in his arms. You let out a soft, surprised laugh as he kicked the door shut behind him, still holding you against him, your lips still locked in a kiss that spoke louder than any words could.
Once he gently set you back on your feet, he didn’t immediately pull away. Instead, he carefully brushed a lock of hair from your face, his touch lingering on your skin. His eyes softened as he looked at you, a mixture of love, relief, and something deeper—something raw that he couldn’t hide even if he tried.
“I’m gonna give you the life you deserve,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise, Y/N.”
Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked up at him, feeling the weight of his words settle deep in your chest. You could see the sincerity in his eyes, the conviction in his expression. This was no longer about survival or fear—it was about a future that was finally within reach.
You smiled, your heart full, your gaze unwavering as you met his. “You already are,” you whispered back, your voice barely above a breath, but it was enough. “Just being here with you... that’s all I ever wanted.”
Rafe’s expression softened further, a slow smile spreading across his face, and in that moment, you saw the man he could be—strong, protective, and driven by love rather than chaos.
"I love you, Y/N." The words hung between you like a promise, deep and unwavering. Rafe's breath caught for just a moment, the weight of what he'd just said settling in. He'd said it before, in fleeting moments, but now, in this moment, it felt different. There was no fear of loss, no uncertainty clouding his mind. It was just the raw truth.
"I love you, too, Rafe," you whispered back, your voice steady and sure. This time, you didn’t have to doubt it. It wasn’t just about the words—it was the way you felt in this moment, with him. Your pulse quickened, not from fear, but from the certainty of what was to come.
He pulled you closer, his arms strong around you as if to keep you tethered to him, to the life you were about to build. His lips brushed over your forehead, and then he pulled back just enough to look at you, his gaze unwavering, filled with all the raw emotion you’d both buried for too long.
With a soft smile, Rafe leaned down to kiss you again, this time more tender, slower, as if savoring the moment, cherishing the bond that had been built through all the chaos and uncertainty. This kiss was a promise—one of protection, of understanding, and above all, of love.
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
taglist: @rrosiitas, @champomiel, @vadinaleme, @kys4-20, @gills-lounge, @allsmilesreally7, @sublimepenguinpeach-blog, @sp00ky-spr1te, @bibliophilewednesday, @haroldpotterson, @i-love-rafe, @ellesalazar, @calmoistorm, @abundantxadorations, @fals3-g0d, @gillybear17, @oiiviagrande, @hockeybabe87,
@augustlikesdeath, @wpdailyminimeta, @palmwinemami, @loxleys-blog, @ikisscline, @flyestvenustrap, @ilovesteveharrngton, @ijustwanttoreadlols, @fastlovela, @wickedlovely121, @fals3-g0d, @givemylovetoall, @lucfics, @briefwinnerpersonaturtle, @maybankslover, @peachy4u2, @hockeybabe87, @yeosxxx, @zizouu23, @h34rtsformilli, @maybankslover, @yawnzshit, @rubixgsworld, @tsumudoll, @nosebeers, @literatureluster, @wearemadeofstardust0
#rafe cameron#drew starkey#obx#rafe cameron x reader#outer banks#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe fic#rafe imagine#rafe obx#rafe cameron x you#rafe outer banks#obx 4#rafe cameron imagine
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darling, dearest, dead
written for the @steddiemicrofic challenge for November | prompt: guard | wc: 532 | rated: G | cw: major character death (but not really?) | tags: angst with a hopeful ending, Ghost!Steve Harrington, GhostHunter!Eddie Munson
There’s a legend that the first person who gets buried in a cemetery becomes the guardian of all the other souls buried there after. They become a reaper of sorts, ferrying the newly dead from this world to the next—a place they can never go.
This is what happens to Steve Harrington, aged just eighteen when he tragically dies in the Starcourt tragedy in ‘85.
Steve, who dies but doesn’t move on. Doesn’t go peacefully into that good night, or however the hell the saying goes. He can’t.
Steve, who attends his own burial, but despite how loud he screams into the faces of his loved ones, goes entirely unheard.
He eventually gets it, of course. Despite what everyone thinks (thought? Do they still think of him?) Steve isn’t stupid. He catches on quickly when the first few souls come wandering up to him, lost and alone. Steve can see the path they’re supposed to follow, even when they can’t. So, Steve takes the time to explain to them what he knows, tries to comfort them, before he guides them towards the afterlife.
It’s a curse, really. Eternal isolation. Decades pass but Steve remains. The few souls he speaks to are always so eager to leave him. In the end, Steve’s forgotten.
And then one day, Eddie Munson comes stomping through his cemetery.
—🛡️—
“What’s with the get up?” A dark haired stranger asks, startling Steve, “there an anime convention going on or something?”
Steve’s eyes trail up and down the newcomer. He wants to make a comment about the strange attire he died in, but usually upsetting the newly departed isn’t a good idea.
“It’s my work uniform. I didn’t have time to change.” Steve explains, a well-rehearsed response. The Scoops uniform that he can never shed was always a point of interest for people. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in.”
This is the first time Steve’s missed a burial. Strange.
The guy snorts, “don’t apologize. I’m the one intruding. You visiting someone? I can wait to do my shit.”
Steve frowns, brows creasing where they come together. “No. I’m just… waiting.” He answers.
“For the ghost?” The stranger asks, his interest clearly piqued.
Steve frowns. “The ghost?”
“Yeah, y’know. The ghost that supposedly haunts this graveyard. Legend has it it’s some guy who died way back in the 80’s—there've been sightings for like, thirty years, but no one’s been able to actually record anything decent. All the pictures are super blurry. But I intend to change that. I’m Eddie, by the way. Ghost hunter and semi-professional psychic.” Eddie grins, giving a strange little bow in his introduction.
Wait…
“1985?” Steve asks.
“Yep,” Eddie pop’s the ‘p’, “The year Starcourt burned down and old Steven Harrington bit the dust. You know the story?”
Steve didn’t need to breathe—not anymore. And yet, he still felt short of breath. Lightheaded.
“It’s just Steve.” He clarifies.
“Yeah?” Eddie snorts, “how would you—”
A light seems to go off in Eddie’s head. He pales, eyes widening.
“You can really see me?” Steve can’t help but laugh, tears stinging his eyes.
“Yeah, I can see you, Steve.” Eddie mumbles, stunned, looking like he’d seen a ghost.
—
tagging: @sleepy-steve because they let me rant about reaper Steve to them<3 check out her reaper!eddie fic: here!💘
#reaper Steve Harrington#steddie#ghost Steve Harrington#ghost hunter eddie Munson#angst with a hopeful ending#steddie microfic#guard#my writing#write Rae write#November monthly challenge#writing challenge#Steddie fanfic#fanfic#angst#steddiemicrofic#steddiemicroficnovember#Steddie ficlet#Steddie microfic November#steddie fanfiction#steddie challenge#steddie fic challenge
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I think a lot these days about how much bigger the U.S. is than Europe. I mean, part of this is just working for a European company---I talk to our legal counsel based in Paris, and they forget that California (about 75% the size of all of France) has a new law we have to care about, because---well, that's just a state! who cares about a state! My colleagues regularly refuse to travel to a country that's essentially 3 hours of train travel away, because that's so far! ignoring the fact that I have traveled 4 hours to our sister company within the U.S. and regularly drive 1+ hours to the office. (While that's annoying and I don't advocate for it, it's not necessarily unthinkable, that's my point.)
On my way home, I was listening to an NPR story about the Portugal model of drug diversion. It was a great story, thoughtfully reported and contextualized in the recent backlash against decriminalization in the U.S.---but their point of comparison with Portugal was New Jersey. Because they're about the same size, the Republic of Portugal and one of the smallest states in my nation. I just think that when we ask ourselves why things work differently in different countries, "literally, physically different" should occasionally feature in the conversation.
#we are interviewing for yet another european team member and it makes me want to scream#I cannot do all the things I need to do for the US because you're so busy finding people to handle the EU!!#you ALREADY have people plus external counsel for europe! I NEED HELP.#ugh. ugh ugh ugh.#the only benefit is that we have the most relaxed wfh attitude in the entire world#technically I need to be in the office twice a week; in reality my boss is halfway around the world and doesn't care#still. would drive 2 hrs twice a week if I could get someone to help me.#no wonder the company has to secretly manipulate you
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im acutally going crazy over any time crowely's voice goes soft. specifically the "it burned down... remember?"
he doesnt want to say it again. not only because of the shiny new trauma he has with the memory, but because he doesnt want to remind aziraphale that its gone. he doesnt want to watch aziraphale's face to fall as he remembers the bookshop—his shop, his home for over two centuries—is gone. its burned down; the building, his chairs, his books, his memories, all of it.
but he has to. so he says it gently. it cant take away the pain, but he can lessen the blow, if a fractional amount at least. he reminds him softly, but doesnt give aziraphale time to spiral.
"you can stay at my place? if you like?"
he says it just as gently, just as soft. its an offer he's never given, a line theyd never crossed before. its new and its scary, but hey, it was almost the end of the world and they might die tomororw. what did they have to lose?
so he offers with a kindness to his tone only ever reserved for aziraphale alone, and even then only shown on rare occurrences. only when he knows the angel is close to breaking. he reminds aziraphale whats been lost, but also reminds him that hes not alone. he still has crowley.
#im not well im not well#whenever crowleys voice softens i cry#'ill give you a lift. anywhere you wanna go'#'im really sorry but its burned down'#'you can stay at my place if you like?'#IM SCREAMING#hes so careful with aziraphale#esp at that busstop#aziraphale just had his entire world view turned on a head#hes had to come to terms with the idea that heaven isnt all that good and wants to end the world anyway#hes had to grapple with the undoubtedly awful experience of being discorperated#hes had to come to terms with the fact that his home is gone#and crowley knows this. he knows all of this and treads oh so carefully#i love them so much#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#crowly x aziraphale#aziraphale x crowley#ineffable husbands
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Actually you know what, I'm gonna post this. Check it out, I'm fiddling with this PMV. Spoils the whole game ofc. And the name of the song is pure imagination by Fiona Apple!
Also I'm apparently a big fan of drawing moon laying down 😂 total count including scrapped drawings is 5 (technically 6)
#rain world#animation#video#wip#Pmv#Yeah I busted most of this out yesterday in one 9 hour long tunnel-visioned drawing sesh#(new meds)#LMFAO but yeah at this point I put aboutttt 16 hours into this and I'm quite proud of how it's come out so far#I had a lot of trouble with Arti's design. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do for the longest time#Then I got to the shot of her screaming and was like yeah. Max floof. Momma bear arti. Yesss#God forbid I ever use the same design twice#On that note I have no idea where that sexy saint design came from. I love it. It just came out of me#There were a few things I wanted to fix before uploading but literally whatever#I'm gonna redraw so much it doesn't even matter#The ending is on its way too. I already have it roughly planned out; classic double twist ending ✨#But I decided to scope creep by making it full color so who knows if it'll get finished#I'll sketch it in gold just in case#Love that this is the first thing I do upon finally getting some energy back. My projects? No. Talk to friends? Nah#Make an entire pmv? Bingo#Coughs. Anyways
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in my “my dreams are real and tangible. i can make them realer.” era. working hard because i want to, working towards a goal i can see and feel and hold in my hands. all my stumbles and all my setbacks? roadblocks. i can find another route. i can get there. i will be ok.
#my literal whole life dream is to live in a big city and be immersed in all the things that i can be#i’ve dreamed of living in la or nyc my entire life and now it’s slightly different.#the dream is shopping at a bodega. it’s finding a local restaurant i love. it’s local shops and people.#the dream is being in a place with things i love#the dream is having love and life and laughter in places i’ve only dreamed of#the dream is life. whole. real. good.#and i *will* get there. doesn’t matter if the dream adapts to my new needs and wants.#i will bite and claw and kick and scream my way there no matter how much i seem to be shoved down by the world.#i will get there and that is all i need to remember#lizas rambling again#in my head tonight
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I did some twists and turns to the Dreamtale I included in the server me an my friends rp in, and I’ve been kinda hyper fixated so I did a little thing
I don’t like perspective but im going to have to eventually learn, soul shattering I will never be the same once i dominate it
Yea the fucking tree told him to shoot night because everyone is so mean to him so I just yknow she might as well also be mean to a fucking seven year old who knew no better 
Dreamtale (Dream and Nightmare) Belong to Jokublog
#undertale au#utmv#dream sans#nightmare sans#dreamtale#wow jaja im actually normal for once?? I don’t have anything to bark at but WROFO WROOF AUUUUUUUU howling in pain for them they are devasta#I love them sosososo much I have been putting Dreamtale animations on loop and songs that remind me of them I love them I want to hold them#and give them hugs and tea and give their little heads little kisses and and show them that they both deserve to be loved#I want to show Dream how to read and write and I want to comfort nightmare i want to tell him that he’s capable of being loved too and he#deserves the world#I cried I cry I always cry when I think of them I will always cry for them I will always mourn for them they have my entire being and soul#would kill for them please be nice to them they have done nothing but suffer and cry and be angry I need them to be happy please let them b#happy please I cannot explain how much I want to scream and bang my head on a wall when I think of them and their relationship I break and#cry urgrurghr why why why why why I have such a brain rot I just want to see them hangout and smile and call each other brothers and call#each other family I need them to gossip and pinky promise and cook together I need nightmare to teach dream to read and write and dream to#teach nightmare how to have fun and heal their inner child I need them to do brotherly things and cause destruction together
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
#isa screams#long post#gif#flashing#i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG#I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though#I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly#but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do#its a tricky thing#but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay#if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG#thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak#And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get#part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions#am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am#I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)
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i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick
#nothing quite like being reminded how disposable you are#during the pandemic that set the stage for everyone to show exactly how much they don’t care about disabled people#i’m tired of people not taking this shit seriously and i’m incredibly angry about it#because i know y’all who are reckless and ignorant and think you’re invincible are going to be the same ones begging to be let in#when they ultimately become disabled too.#and you know what? i’m not ready to give those people grace yet#been screaming it for years but nobody listens until it’s too late#have already had people with obvious long covid who spouted ableist rhetoric this entire pandemic#come to me asking for advice#and honestly? i don’t think you deserve advice#i have so much empathy but i’m TIRED#i don’t fucking care anymore i get that we’ve been lied to this entire time but if you actually wanted to do the research you would#and since i know nobody cares about protecting others#i think you would at least care about protecting yourself considering how selfish you’ve proven yourselves to be#this is at the entire world and everyone who refuses to wake up to the fact that we are screwed#disabled people have been telling you this entire time and it’s still a fuckimg joke#and it will only become serious when it affects them directly#i’m so angry right now#and honestly? if you feel like this is about you at all? in any way? that’s your sign#do fucking better. TEST WHEN YOURE SIXK#stop fucking going out when you’re sick unless it’s necessary#i’m so so tired
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is there a creatures of sonaria fandom on tumblr? any adults here wanna talk about roblox? pspsps >:)
#ALKDSJLD#i want to join community please#i want to trade my many cool mutated guys but i always get bullied or too scared in the in game trade thing :/#so i was thinking if anyone interested in the entire world we could set up trades i will give you anything for community#op#creatures of sonaria#i want to talk about how i just noticed the map just changed!!!!#who the fuck do i scream about this to!!!! new area!!!! it's so cool!!!!!!#forgotten shores??? it's got big mysterious floating rings in various levels of decay it's soooo magical#the me has fallen in love with the roblox game#i want to talk about lore#i want to become a sonariatuber and make video essays about this shit im fucking help me im hyperfixating really really hard
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THERE'S NOTHING LIKE YOU & I a Good Omens season 2 playlist
Quiet, gentle, romantic, and a little bit devastating – roughly in story order. For being lonely together across 6,000 years and aching for the freedom to love.
On Spotify Here
(Previous editions: Soft To Be Strong – Good Omens season 1 | Crowley/Aziraphale upbeat song dump)
#good omens#good omens season 2#good omens spoilers#good omens playlist#aziracrow#aziracrow playlist#ineffable husbands#GO2spoilers#char makes playlists#listen in order or I WILL sense that you aren't doing that and show up outside your house <3 <- threat#the songs tell a story and they slide into each other to create a Vibe and Aesthetic because as always I have no chill!#tumblr gets the fun facts and behind the scenes info in the tags soooo#“Safe Harbour” is – in my head – the 4-5 years in/near the bookshop and at the end of it is when Gabriel shows up#“Tell Her You Love Her” is in part about Maggie and Nina but obviously it deliberately doubles as being about Aziraphale and Crowley#are a couple of the songs on here cliches like Hozier and Adele? yes they are. do I give a fuck? NO I DO NOT. they fit!#“Just The Two Of Us” is such a bittersweet cover and it perfectly encapsulates Aziraphale's offer to Crowley. it makes me want to scream#JUST THE TWO OF US. BUILDING CASTLES IN THE SKY. God...#anyway. “Like the Movies” has so many specific mentions of places/actions/things they do that I HAD to include it. that shit kills me#aaand did I make this entire playlist just so I could use “Sun” and “The End of the World”? maybe so.#OKAY THANKS FOR READING IF YOU DID. THANKS FOR LISTENING IF YOU DO!! I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO IT
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You all have no idea how much self control it takes for me NOT to turn this place into half a baseball blog every October
Gifs between every art piece
But I've never had a bot/spam problem with this fandom blog and I don't feel like inviting general blog problems 😂
#Margot talks about Nothing#American baseball is my most favorite thing#I've been living with the gifs from these playoffs and I am beyond excited for the world series#the playoffs help power me through October as I watch them while drawing#I recently changed dang television services so I could more easily watch them#I have a detailed rant as to where I'd put every canon Earthmate on a baseball diamond#AAAAAAAA I JUST WANT TO SCREAM#I've found more RF people to talk to. Pls. If you're out there and you like American baseball. Poke me#Signed this silly lonely little Nationals fan listening to her morning sports talk radio#but ye bot accounts and spam messages are why my dead main is dead#and why I didn't bother just creating a whole entire new account when I made RFN and instead made RFN a sideblog#so no baseball. you all are spared
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