#i want to meet you all irl someday. you guys are like my family and i never want us to drift apart from each other because what we have rn

[remain-uknowable]

When ever someone is remotely nice to me i automatically will do almost anything for them like im pretty sure someone could convince me to kill myself with enough effort. Haha i hate myself so much. Why do i need to be liked so bad? Im so tired and i feel like a horrible person no matter what i do. Even when im nice i feel like im wrong. And if i can't be perfect i feel horrible. There's a point i think where enough people leave and you gotta realize it's your fault right? I think at the end of the day im a horrible person and no matter how hard i try to make people love me at the end of the day if i let my gaurd down and get a little to comfy they'll hate me too. The only people who has ever loved me despite being an ass is mom and my brothers. And they are stuck with me. If they ever stop loving me i'll know im truly unlovable. No one can ever love me like this. I feel really lonely but i barely do anything about it cause i know if i get to comfy with people they'll leave again. I can't keep people around cause there is something wrong with me and im afraid someday the people i love will actually notice it and leave too. Im not easy to love i know that. If they do leave i won't try to stop them. I know it's not right. If you guys leave that's fine. Im sorry if i was ever a bad friend or family member. I try really hard to be good but i know myself well enough at least to know that i can be real shitty. I get it if one day i stop being a fun and good person to be around. Or if any love you may have for me goes away. I understand. And im sorry. Im also sorry that i get nervous sometimes when you guys do show love for me. And im sorry that the prospect of meeting some of you irl scares me. And im sorry that i hide up in my room and avoid some of you guys sometimes. And im sorry that sometimes saying i love you or showing affection back makes me uncomfortable. And im sorry i refuse affection even when i know you just want to love me. Im sorry for the moments i stop feeling things i should too. Im sorry for all those times when something comes up where i need that ounce of compassion but i come up empty. Or mabye even angry or nervous. I don't quite know why im like this. And sometimes i don't even trust myself enough to be able to tell. Because mabye im just being angsty or need to try harder or something. But i am really sorry. Im so sorry.

[littlelav107]

to elaborate on this:

i never really felt asexual? like i sometimes read spice in fics if yk what i mean, i occasionally make dirty jokes to my friends, but it's always been a joke to me. i only realized i was ace after figuring out to myself that all that spice was fictional and that i never wanted it irl and never will.

moreover, it didn't feel like I was doing something wrong, being ace. our family doesn't usually talk about sex as something to yearn for or something that makes you human, or something that everyone experiences. if anything, they warn me that it's okay to have crushes, but remember to not take it too far and go all relationship mode and jump to sex. to me, it never felt like I was doing anything wrong by not wanting real intercourse.

but the thing is, our family and Filipino culture as a whole always, and I mean ALWAYS talks about romance. usually I'm chill with it! I even enjoy shipping and making jokes about it, and yeah, some love songs are pretty okay. but the thing is-it's. just. everywhere.

I remember being in sixth grade and hearing everyone talk about crushes and relationships. it always seemed so strange to me how simple "he's so handsome" turns to "love". i really didn't understand. and the thing is, I was moving schools after sixth grade (high school starts in 7th grade in the Philippines). it broke me how technically people knew who I was in school, but I didn't have anyone to be close with, because the conversations would just switch to tales about lovelifes. I wrote countless poems crying about how I would never be able to get it. and it felt so conflicting. I knew that crushes weren't equal to romance, and that it shouldn't jump to a relationship instantly, and that I didn't want that. but hell, to this day it hurts to remember that version of me that wanted to belong, me who saw romance as the only way to be relatable.

and when I did move schools? I convinced myself that I wouldn't be normal if I didn't have a crush on anyone. so October happened, and I realized I was wrong, that I was normal and more importantly, *human* even without the desire to be in a romantic relationship. yes, that was the start of my aromantic awakening.

now it doesn't affect me as much, but sometimes it feels so striking how much the pursuit of romance is around me. a few months ago I had to keep up with the romantic happenings in my friend group. currently a different friend occasionally sends me her articles and writings about letting go of a past romance. she's a great writer - but sometimes I need to pause and breathe when I read, simply because I keep reminding myself that I could never relate.

and Filipino culture is just- look. we have pamamanhikan and harana. harana is when a man woos a woman by singing to her, usually with a guitar and his best mates with him. pamamanhikan is when the parents of the couple meet to discuss wedding plans. see why I discovered my aromanticism first? because these parts of our culture weren't focused on sexual attraction. they were on romantic attraction. kids learn about this in elementary. this is part of tradition. and me being unable to understand that? i know that my goal isn't to be like other people, but sometimes it just hits me that this is the kind of different that I don't want. I want to be able to understand the blushy feeling of a harana. I want to be able to understand the buildup to a pamamanhikan. the thing is, I just can't. romantic attraction is real, but it's just not for me, and sometimes I wish it could have been for me.

and as if it wasn't hard enough being exposed to it in school and friends and tradition, even my family (excluding my brother) constantly talks about crushes. apparently, everyone has had a crush at some point. "it's part of growing up. I'll get a crush someday." sometimes they joke about how some guy is 'not for me' in the context of crushes. the more I try to accept my aromanticism, the more I try to steer a conversation away from crushes and stuff like that because it's straight up uncomfortable and I can't explain to them why.

idk i just wanted to get this out there. school is about to start and no doubt I'm going to hear all the "miss ko na siya" ("i miss [-]" ) all over campus. my family will be saying that I have crushes on people again. my friends would be gushing about romance again. im going to be the odd one out again.

i don't know how to end this properly, but in summary: i feel like i discovered my aromantic identity first because it was such a contrast to the romantic norm I grew up up in.

thank you so much for reading if you stayed this long <3

-lav

i feel like i discovered my aromanticism before my asexuality and i think ik why

(might reblog, might delete, who knows)

[insert-gender-here]

Hi, yeah! This song still makes me cry. Why? Because of this video.  But I’m gonna try to not cry so I can tell all my friends I’ve met on here that I love them. Even if I don’t talk to you guys much at all, you still mean a lot to me. Actually “a lot” is an understatement. You guys mean the world universe to me, and I seriously wish I had the courage to dm each and every one of you and thank you. I hope you guys know that it’s seriously one of my dreams to hug each and every one of you, because you put up with a lot of the bullshit I post, either on Discord or on here. I hope all of us continue to be friends for a VERY long time! I love each and every one of you guys!  Tu omnia ad me!

@umetsa, @joker-flecked-me, @honking4joker, @zecarnevilcat , @nothing-but-a-comedy, @1percentcharge, @kat-o-combs , @lavenderheartz , @mragentofchaos, @jokerlicious, @a-clown-prince-of-crime, @kiss-me-clown-man, @lovesickkloxx, @clownprinceofbungeegum, @downeystarkjr, @theawkwardarchaeopteryx, @synthwavegoodbye, @werewolf-and-go-wild, @heroesaredumb, @thisisbebbysblog, @goyabeanie, @modimabundle, @anmach123, @gloomyladyy, + more!

[fountainpenguin]

It’s an Update

Hello, Riddle here! I know I’ve been pretty quiet on Tumblr lately. Here’s an update on my situation:

I will definitely post more fanfic updates soon. I’ve picked at drafts, but haven’t posted anything lately. Here are the reasons why:

I got a new IRL job. It’s a good fit for me, but I have less free time than I used to, of course. It’s a job that involves writing lots of articles on a variety of topics, and I enjoy how every day is a little different

Most of my free time for the last year has gone towards my mod work at the Creature-Crossing ARPG, and to my personal CC writing. I’ve been working on new activities over there (my recent favorite being our seasonal familiar shows... I won first place in the summer show!) and I have a lot of plot plans that are coming together now. If you ever want to see my original characters and read my CC writing, you can find my character directory HERE and my Table of Contents HERE.

Once November 1st hits, I won’t be preparing for the release of any more CC activities or events. All future activity or event releases will be overseen by the other mods, and I’ll simply be someone they can ask for extra help if needed. This is a big change for a mod who spent the last 12 months working on new releases, and will give me back some of the free time my IRL job will eat

The Creature-Crossing admin (my boss) greenlit my request to bring an assistant on the mod team who will specifically help me with a lot of my behind-the-scenes work, such as data entry and organization. I’ve never had another mod who specifically helps me with the back end duties before, so that will be awesome. I will need to spend some time training them, but once they are official, that will take some of my workload off and allow me more free time for this blog and personal writing time.

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Fanfic updates you can expect to see soon:

- Reedfilter Rules

- Frayed Knots

- Origin of the Pixies

- Debut of Factor It In, my Kid Math-centric “WordGirl” fanfic (Subtitled “Tales of a third-grade superhero in training”)... Yes I am still in love with this idiot boy, expect lots of doodle pages soon

- The 130 Prompts project is on a slow-burn writing schedule... I’ll write for it when I want to, but I mostly want to focus on Origin and Knots this year.

Further info below the cut. There is more info about non-Fairly OddParents ‘fics in here too (under “non-FOP fanfics”), so if you’re looking forward to Mario World or “WordGirl” ‘fics from me, give this a click so you know what’s coming!

So, what does this update mean for your fanfics?

They’ll be active again soon! I’ve been picking at them behind the scenes, trying to build up a buffer. In an ideal world, I would love to release a new chapter for SOMETHING every Friday. I doubt this will be possible, but it’s something I would love to work towards in the future. Realistically, you can probably expect some kind of fanfic update once every two Fridays (two updates per month).

There might be some Fridays where posting an update is not possible. Instead, I’ll make a post about what progress I made instead. In the past, I often overworked myself to get a chapter out in time for my old deadline. I will not be doing that anymore, but will instead hold myself to a goal of “Make progress on something every week.”

In the best ideal world, I would love to post one FOP fanfic update per week and one non-FOP fanfic update per week. This is not likely to happen for a long, long time, but that would be the dream.

-

Here are the things I most likely worked on if there is no fanfic update:

- A fanfic chapter draft that needs more time

- A sideblog profile

- A Toyhouse profile for personal characters

- IRL work or mod work may have kept me busy this week

- Creature-Crossing writing... I will try to prioritize my fanfics more, but my CC writing is still important to me and I will be working on it in a lot of my free time too. At the moment, I have a hard deadline of December 14th that I need to meet if I want to release huge plot drama on the day that it happens in canon. I’ve been building up to this for a long time, so I’m really excited about that.

I currently have summer or autumn 2022 planned as the “finale” for the majority of my plot to explode. I will be hosting a member-run event in Creature-Crossing that will last for two months, so a lot of my time from January until the event’s release will be spent doing event prep. Once the event ends, my story content will mostly be a “return to slice of life.” Stories will be more casual one-offs as characters grow, live their lives, and start their own families. Hitting seasonal deadlines for plot will no longer be so important. I’ll be giving Creature-Crossing work less attention after that, and much more attention to my fanfics.

- I may not have a fanfic chapter out each week, but I WILL post a note every Friday to let you know what I have been doing with my time. You’ll see me around. Feel free to send Asks and talk!

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What non-FOP fanfics would you like to work on?

For literal years, I’ve been claiming I want to post Mario World fanfics. This is still something I want to do. I tag Mario World posts as “mushrooms and more.” I’ve already done a lot of worldbuilding, I have thousands of words of content written for this fandom... I just haven’t posted any of it. I hope to do this soon.

- “WordGirl” fanfics are prioritized over Mario World fanfics. After I finish my first “WordGirl” multi-chapter, I will probably be ready to post my Mario World ‘fics. I may possibly post some Mario World one-shots in between other fanfic updates. Might take another year or more before I touch Mario stuff unless there’s high interest in seeing it sooner?

I also really want to write some WordGirl ‘fics and get more involved with the fandom community. I’ve been building headcanons and lore for this show ever since I was a kid, and I have multiple ‘fics for this fandom that I want to write.

- “AlgoRhythm” is a ‘fic I have already posted on FFN and AO3, about WordGirl introducing Kid Math to the villains in town

- 28 Cities is a ‘fic I started about Rhyme and Reason before they arrived in Fair City. I put it on hiatus since it didn’t seem like anyone was interested, but I’m willing to post more for it if there is interest in it now that years have passed and I’ve gotten more followers who like WordGirl. I have a lot of worldbuilding and plot I never shared for it

- Factor It In is a ‘fic I’ve been working for a while that parallels the official show from the moment Kid Math arrives in town. It focuses on Rex’s struggle to adjust to this world as a child coming into his superpowers for the first time (Y’know, the whole “superheroes don’t have powers when they’re on their home planets” thing), his struggle to adapt to the social world of a non-logical planet, and Becky’s struggle to help him become accustomed to Earth and learn to share it with her as well. If the episode “Kid Math” was a full-length novel about Rex’s arrival and character development, that’s what this story is. This is the highest priority of all my non-FOP ‘fics... I’ve had a cover image made for 6 months and even though I tried setting it aside, I’ve always been super inspired to write for it. If I felt like it would be a good idea to commit to weekly updates alongside my FOP updates, I would, haha.

- I have two one-shot WIPs called “Squishy Feelings” and “A Little Ambiguity”, one of them focusing on Becky and Rex talking about the events of “Rhyme and Reason” and what it means for Rex’s secret identity, and the latter being a future ‘fic showing WordGirl and Kid Math dealing with life 10 to 15 years down the road. I’ll probably post the latter, not sure yet on the former.

- If desired, I may make a WordGirl specific sideblog where I post lore, answer Asks, post character profiles [smaller than my FOP sideblog ones], and mention fanfic updates. If you would be interested in this, feel free to send me an Ask requesting I do this. If there’s not interest, I’ll just keep my WordGirl stuff on the main blog.

- I’d like to get more involved in the WordGirl community, so I’ll probably post more content and reblog more art and headcanons

I also have a handful of miscellaneous ideas I might follow through with. I’d like to write at least one “TUFF Puppy” fanfic so I can say I did. In a perfect world I would like to finish the two “Danny Phantom” and “Bunsen Is a Beast” fanfics I started because... I just kind of want to dip my toe in each of the Hartman shows once since I already went through all the effort of worldbuilding for them to make them canon in a single Hartman show universe. “ChalkZone” is another show I adore and might touch someday (You may recall I have a full outline planned for an FOP/ChalkZone crossover ‘fic called “Dust to Dust”).

Will I write all of these things? Maybe not. I have no idea if I want to spend the next 10+ years writing fanfics, or if I’ll simply be done with all misc. fanfics immediately once I decide to be done with my main ‘fics. I definitely intend to write for a few more years and finish my main ‘fics, but I might not go through with some less popular side ‘fics if life is getting busy for me.

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What is the posting schedule for FOP ‘fics?

Reedfilter Rules, Frayed Knots, Origin of the Pixies, the 130 Prompts project, and “Come What May” are all high priority FOP writings. I will swap between them depending on my mood that week.

Here are some other ‘fics I want to work on.

- If you like, you can send me Asks requesting I work on a specific story above the rest. I will try to prioritize whichever stories interest you guys most.

Snips and Snails is a ‘fic I started and posted the first chapter for years ago. I’m not sure when I will get back to it, as I ran into some writer’s block. It’s still on tentative hiatus for now..... Possibly forever, though I hope it isn’t forever since it’s only supposed to be, like, five more chapters.

Pink and Gray is on official hiatus. I actually have a lot written for it, but I know it’s a little weird to put so much time and energy into Gary and Betty content when... well, let’s be honest: they’re my niche favorites and most of you probably don’t care. So, I am lifting my usual “no spoilers” policy from my Ask Box. If you would like to ask about my Gary and Betty backstory headcanons, feel free. I will tag my replies as “ridwriting spoilers” for anyone who wants to blacklist the tag, and spoilers will be hidden under a Read More line. 

I’d like to return to this story someday because there are tons of things I like about it (ranging from Betty’s secret tattoos to Gary’s plot drama with his mom to the background drama between Talon and Anti-Cosmo, but I always feel immense pressure to make it extra cool to make up for the fact these are weird side characters, so... it’s officially at the bottom of the priority pile. Once Talon shows up in Frayed Knots and readers understand who he is and why he exists, I’ll consider coming back to it.

Identity Theft is a story about Foop and his time in the alternate dimension he was flung into following the episode “Playdate of Doom.” To put it short, Foop was abused by alternate versions of his parents in this dimension and he witnessed some pretty intense stuff, including the death of the alt version of himself who existed in that reality. The trauma he experienced resulted in his alternate personality, Hiccup. Foop himself has very few memories of what happened, as Hiccup has all of those memories. This story is canon in my works, and it is regularly referred to during the 130 Prompts as part of Foop’s backstory. It’s my highest priority side story to work on.

Along the Cherry Lane is a 20-chapter work focusing on the lives of the main human cast from age 11 to age 30, with one chapter showing a snippet of their lives each year. You see Timmy raising Tommy and Tammy in this ‘fic, and it ends with them receiving godparents. Since the 130 Prompts don’t give humans much attention, this ‘fic does. You’ll probably see it debut two years from now, closer to when the 130 Prompts is ready to talk more about humans.

If this becomes a popular ‘fic of mine, I’ll probably write a sequel or continue it past Chapter 30 and write about Tammy and Tommy living with fairies, but I won’t if there’s no interest in that.

Little Imperfections is a Pixie AU ‘fic of mine about what life would be like in a universe where the Fairies are even more like insects than I play them as during my main works (where I already play them as semi-similar to insects). In this world, the Head Pixie is a figurehead whose duty is to reproduce for the sake of the colony and do nothing else, and he’s bored out of his mind until he befriends Sanderson, who introduces him to music. It’s extremely self-indulgent and silly because I like Pixies.

Francis is a multi-chapter ‘fic about bully Francis’s life getting yet another fairy godparent in a long string of memory wipes and godparents. It takes place during the canon series, and when you see an “orange fairy” mentioned in some of my writings, it’s usually referring to this fairy. His name is Rover and I occasionally post art of him. I feel like I can’t truly call myself an FOP fanfic writer until I actually write about a godkid and their godparents, haha...

Hawthorn Haven is a side ‘fic that will be posted towards the end of the 130 Prompts, as it veers off from the prompts in its own self-contained multi-chapter story. It will be approximately the length of “Baby, You’re a Rich Man.”

Acacia Arcadia is a far-past ‘fic detailing the fall of the ancient fae, the imprisonment of the nature spirits, the rise and fall of the chimera nation, the fall of the Martian genies, and the early days of the cloudlands. This is close to the bottom of the priority pile... It’s something I spend time on for personal reference to ensure accuracy in my other ‘fics, but it’s probably not what you guys came here to read.

AA has a bunch of characters in it that you might vaguely recognize, such as Ezekiel Whimsifinado, Evadne, Ione, Two Feathers, Rho, and Sablewood (If you’re astute, you might recall cloudland legends and landmarks in modern day that refer back to these characters). There are also a lot of characters who were reincarnated as Anti-Fairies, in accordance to traditional Anti-Fairy beliefs; Foop for example exists as a main character in one of his past lives, and you’ll see a hint dropped about each of his lives in the first chapter of Identity Theft. My tentative plan is to use Foop’s past lives as my central characters, following the events of each part of the timeline until he gets killed and reincarnates at a later point of the timeline.

I also keep some one-shots in a file I call Mixed Nuts and I may possibly post them someday (they’re mostly just one-shots of main cast characters I do to get a feel for their personalities, I have some Wanda and Cupid in here). @zachbrightside and I are also working on a collab ‘fic called Like a House On Fire that shows more of Timmy and Chloe’s lives during Season 10 (especially around the time of “Which Is Wish?”) No news on a release date for that yet.

-

As I’ve said before, once all my other FOP works are complete, I will write Devil’s Backbone, which is my far-future ‘fic and the finale of my FOP writing. I do not plan to write any more FOP content after that story is finished, as I expect to have all other FOP projects done by then.

- Devil’s Backbone is a finale 'fic, so all worldbuilding from all stories is fair game to blend together, and it’s highly recommended you read everything else first. This story has been outlined since 2016, and it might not be published for another 10 years... Who knows! But it’s something I always work towards as a concrete endgame goal.

- If something serious comes up in my life and I officially decide I don’t want to write this story, I will post the outline for it. The link to this draft is included with all the other Google Docs links I have in a far-future queued post unveiling my WIPs in case I unexpectedly die and you still want to know how my stories would have gone, so you’ll get access to this story eventually even if I die young. Yes, share access is turned on for them all and I do take extra careful measures to be sure that post doesn’t get posted early skldfj

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What is the plan for the main blog?

Every Friday, I will post either a fanfic chapter or a progress update. You can blacklist the tag “ridlife” if you do not want to see the progress updates on your dashboard. Fanfic updates will not have the “ridlife” tag, so you will not be blocking them.

During the rest of the week, I might post doodles, reblogs, or general comments. Basically... you’ll see the blog become active again. Feel free to send in Asks about my worldbuilding and thoughts on fanfic characters.

@fountainpenguin is my personal blog, so you will see non-fandom things on here sometimes

@riddledeep is my FOP-exclusive sideblog. It contains all my lore notes and goes into a ton of depth, more than my fanfics give in one breath

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What does this mean for the Riddledeep sideblog?

I really want to go back and edit those character profiles that were posted early by mistake. The reason they were queued is because if I turned them into drafts, they would have been buried all the way at the beginning of my draft collection, and I have many, many drafts saved. There are no page numbers to navigate quickly through the draft collection, so I would have to click through each page one by one if I ever wanted to look at them. I hated doing this, which is why I kept my posts queued.

I was regularly updating the queue deadlines, trying to keep things in the order I wanted to post them in, but Tumblr made a change to the way drafts are dated and it kept throwing off my system. My inability to remember when my queued things would post combined with my busy schedule led to some profiles being posted early and incomplete. I want to fix these.

Over a year ago, my good friend Vulpix150 helped me finalize my designs for the Aos Sí and Daoine Sith. I’ve been sitting on that art in secret for a while, and at some point I plan to post it on the sideblog and talk more about that lore.

Updating fanfics is my higher priority (and it was the priority my followers voted for when I asked you to send votes to my Ask Box a while back). So, I will usually spend my free time working on fanfics unless I need a break from them and want to work on sideblog profiles instead. Thank you for your patience!

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TL;DR

I’m posting fanfics again soon. I’m going to take a more relaxed approach to posting them. I’m going to post more of what I want to post and what I feel motivated to post, not always a main ‘fic update. If I’m not “feeling it” when working on a draft, then I’ll set it aside for a while unless I know my followers and readers have high interest in the next chapter of that story. I always write for me first, but if I know there are other people who care a lot about a story, then of course I want to write it for you too!

I’m going to embrace my decade-long love for WordGirl and post more ‘fics and art or this fandom. I’ve always been a little shy about doing this, but I’m ready to make it an official fandom on my main blog (unless there are lots of requests for WordGirl things to be contained in their own sideblog). I will be posting the first chapter for a ‘fic called Factor It In very soon. Love my easily frustrated alien kiddos having a long day.

I am working on Creature-Crossing stuff too, and will be especially busy in November and December. Updates will be slow for a few months, but I hope to find my groove and a good pace soon.

Each Friday, I will post either a fanfic update or a mention of what I am working on. I will be checking in on Tumblr regularly. Feel free to talk! I much prefer you send messages to my Ask Box, not my private messenger, please <3

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Is there a specific story of mine you like and want more updates for?

Asks and reviews help me know which ‘fics people are enjoying. I plan to keep writing ‘fics no matter what, but I definitely give more time to the ‘fics that get more attention (and I have been spending so much time writing for Creature-Crossing because that’s where the attention was coming from)

It’s easy to stay motivated and get the next part of a story out soon if I know that people like it. It’s always harder if you feel like people are silently judging you and ignoring your posts. So, let me know what you’re interested in. And if you only leave Likes or Favorites instead of asks and reviews, that’s okay too! Thank you for interacting anyway and enjoying my work.

Thanks for reading!

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[melyaliz]

Past loves and future babies pt. 3

Masterlist 

Fandom: Marvel / MCU 

Summary: Dinner, Drinks and what comes after 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OC 

Notes: No one really voted... BUT @thespacebuns reblogged with comments and I decided to give her another chapter :P 

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

DONATE or REQUEST

----------------------------

Before the snap Dixie and Mac had been on their own. The two siblings running across the world just getting hired out as muscle men, hackers, grifters, really anything they could do to make some money. 

Then the snap happened. 

Dixie remembered standing between an open safe and five gun men. Mac screaming in her ear to get out. Fear in his voice making it hard for her to focus. But she knew the drill when she was caught with her back against the wall, do whatever she could to get out of there. 

And then four of them men disappear. Crumbled into ash before her very eyes. The other guy freaked out not sure what to do. Calling out to his comrades. His own shocked yells slowly starting to echo more screams throughout the building as both her and the last gunman walked out. People all around them running out yelling. Trying to escape whatever was happening while their fellow coworkers crumbed around them like some horrible nightmare.

Dixie screamed Mac’s name. Her head set filling with static as she raced toward the door. She kept screaming his name so hard she was sure she tasted blood. Bolting from the building rushing toward the van nearly ripping the door off as she opined it. 

“Dixie!?! What the hell is going on?” her brother had asked his eyes wide as he stood there in pure shock. 

“I don’t know.” 

Since that day their dealings just left of the law slowly stopped. Instead becoming like a second defense to the cops. So many people, unsure what to do, had decided now was the time to play Grand Theft Auto IRL. Leaving millions of defenseless people alone with a lack of defense.

Luckily for Dixie and Mac they weren’t the only ones who had shifted toward protecting those who couldn’t. In fact, it felt like whoever was left had really chosen a side.

Those who were in it for themselves and those who were in it for others. 

Mac had found many resources during those times while on the web. People giving them tips on where to go and who to help. 

One in particular was a former cameraman for NBC news named Logan. 

Logan was funny, handsome, and had lost his wife. 

Mac had warned her, the moment they had met him. He had known it was Dixie’s type. Just out of reach. But she couldn’t help herself. 

It was like Dixie’s heart knew, fall in love with the ones you can never really have. Just another trick deeply ingrained in her subconscious as a way to protect herself. Remind herself that no matter how close they got there would always be something in the way. 

Logan joined their team along with a few others. Roaming the country finding people in need. Meeting up with other do-gooders helping those who couldn’t. 

And then everyone came back. 

And again, it was just Dixie and Mac. 

Alone together. 

--------------------------

Dinner was so much fun, everyone talking and joking while passing around the food. It almost felt like a TV version of a thanksgiving dinner. The way everyone was so comfortable around each other. The history. 

Dixie felt a little out of place but the great thing about food was that you could shove your mouth so no one expected you to talk. It wasn’t like Dixie didn’t like chatting with strangers but… she felt a little like a cow at this point. 

So she ate keeping her posture as small as possible as a way to minimize her presence and keep conversation away from her.  

Or that was what she had thought until Bucky met her gaze from across the table. Before she  could shift her gaze he spoke. “How did you like the suite?”

Nodding Dixie quickly swallowed the large bite of chow mein she had been shoving into her mouth. “It’s better than my old shitty apartment.” 

Bucky chuckled, “Tony keeps this place amazing.”

“The view is really nice,” Steve added, glancing over at Dixie. For a moment she wondered if he was trying to get her approval the way he was looking at her. Wide blue eyes searching her so intently.  

“So where did you live before this?” Bucky asked.

Dixie’s mind raced, where had she lived? Everywhere. Her and Mac moved from city to city pretty often trying to find places that rented for 6 months or less. While she knew she had to be here… you know to save the world. She wasn’t sure how open minded the avengers were to her past days for hire. 

“Arizona before this,” she smiled shrugging, “Tacos were amazing.” 

“I bet, it’s been a while since I have been in that area,"

Well it's pretty hot this time of year"

More small talk continued. Moving past her to something else. Tony’s house in the cabin or how he and Bucky’s arms matched. Well different arms but still. It was weird getting a glimpse into this side of them. All laughing and talking, trading stories and jokes like they were all highschool friends and not savors of the world. There was so much history Dixie almost felt like she was an outsider looking in. 

Which in a way she was.

The conversation went from the dining room to the large main room. There was a fully stocked bar. Tony started mixing drinks. Sam teasing Bucky about some mission they had gone on. Conversation flowed easily as they all laughed and joked around relaxing into the evening.. 

It was warm. These people were a family. Maybe bigger than Dixie and Mac but a family none the less.She had always believed that you could find family anywhere and these people, the greatest heros, were proof of that.  

As the night dragged on she watched curled up on a couch her eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier. 

Then a soft hand slowly brushed over hers pulling her awake. Turing she met Steve’s blue eyes. 

“You look like your are about to fall asleep” 

Smiling gratefully she nodded running her fingers through her hair. Getting up she followed Steve toward their apartment. Most of the team had gone back to their rooms. Bucky still there resting with a glass of scotch relaxing just listening to the music. He had been talking to Steve a few moments earlier, Dixie hadn’t caught the conversation comfortable with her own thoughts. 

It could have been the long day, or the alcohol and amazing food but Dixie didn’t really think much about what “going back meant.” Or that had been the case until they were there.  

Standing in front of the bedroom.

Oh yeah.

This is why she was here. 

Slowly Steve -annoyingly- opened the door for her. For a moment Dixie considered telling him to stop. Stop trying to be so nice and just be himself. 

She had seen a glimpse of it tonight with his team. He was so much more laid back and casual. 

Maybe someday she would be able to get him to act like that with her. When they were alone. She was good at breaking people down. Especially the uptight ones. She just needed to find the right buttons to push. Mac had always joked she had that little sister quality about her, being able to push buttons.

“Soooo” she said as they both stood in the doorway looking into the bedroom. Still so bare and sterile. A strip of moonlight spanned across the room shining on the bed like some weird silver spot light. Even the universe was laughing at them right now. 

Ha ha you have to have sex. 

Dixie would have found it funny if the guy next to her wasn’t so tense. 

It was so thick she could almost taste it on her tongue. The way he stood, the way his arms seemed to flex under his tight black tee. His hands clenched at his sides. Mouth in a tight line. He was totally unreadable and totally transparent at the same time. 

Letting out a long sigh she walked toward the bed slowly pulling off her shirt and shimmying out of her jeans. Behind her she heard Steve take a deep shuddering breath. His nerves getting the best of him.

He wasn’t the only one who was trying to hide his emotions. Dixie’s own emotions were like small bursts of nervous energy as she threw herself onto the bed. Rolling into the center pulling a pillow to herself looking back at her future baby daddy. 

“Well at least it’s comfortable.” she flashed him a smile moving a little to get more comfortable. He flashed her a small smile before pulling off his own shirt and then pants. Slowly folding them before putting them on the floor.

Dixie couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow not sure if he was just stalling or if he was really that anal. She would log that away for later. 

Steve stood now, shirtless in his boxers just looking at her, arms resting at his sides. His hands were a little more relaxed this time much to Dixie’s relief.  She looked up at him through thick lashes as she sat cross legged on the bed. Both of them just staring at the other unsure what to do next. 

“Did you… want to… this is a pretty cozy bed.” she faltered patting the mattress next to her. That same anxiety building up in her chest. Crashing like hot waves in her stomach. Building up before dropping fast and rough as the bed dipped with Steve’s weight as he sat down. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, turning to  face her scooting closer before gently pulling her closer.

“You don’t have to ask” she nodded slowly closing her eyes. 

He was so gentle when he kissed her. As if she was going to break under his touch. Something about that tender touch hurt deeper than if he had slapped her. It made her dizzy as if she was standing on the edge of a 100 foot drop.

And Dixie hated hights. 

Grabbing him she pulled him closer moving forward so she could position herself up and over his legs and get onto his lap. He grunted, moving back slightly, his hands resting behind him to brace himself as Dixie wrapped her own legs around his waist. Pulling away she looked down at him, studying his face. A million dumb commnets ran thought her head but she fought not say them aloud. Trying not to ruin the moment instead choosing to keep her big mouth busy with his lips. 

His hands reached around her hips, unsure what to do not really touching her. Reaching down she took them encurling them around her before going back to his hair. 

They kept kissing 

And kissing 

And kissing 

“Ok my lips are getting raw” Dixie giggled pulling away. She could feel his getting a bit hard under her. She wasn’t sure how hard considering she also didn’t know… how big he was. But at least she knew she was doing something. At least he found her attractive.

That was good. Because if he didn’t this whole process would be that much more of a struggle. 

Not that she was against wearing a paper bag.

A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do when saving the future.  

“I’m sorry” a pained expression spread across his face. His hand reaching up gently pushing away her hair, his blue eyes slightly wide his breath coming out slightly short. 

She studied him, her fingers going for his face thumbs stroking his cheek. 

“I’m not going to bite you” she whispered, “unless you're into that.” 

The tension was cut and he chuckled pushing her forward so she was laying on her back. He kissed her again before pulling away “Oh sorry.” 

“Shhh stop apologizing” she whispered wrapping her legs around his waist again before rubbing his arm. Pulling herself up she kissed but above his collar bone in the dip of his neck. Much to her pleasure she heard Steve’s breath hitched fingers gripping the blankets on either side of her. 

Pulling away she watched as he positioned himself on top of her again kissing her neck this time. Following her example. His fingers fumbling over her totally unsure what to do. His kisses hesitant.

This really wasn’t working. 

"Stop stop," she said pushing his very toned chest gently, "we don't have to rush this.” 

“I…” he sat back looking perplexed, upset maybe. Mostly just awkward. This whole things was just so damn awkward.  

Smiling she laid down beckoning him to lay next to her, “Let’s just cuddle, we don’t need to rush anything.”  

“Ok” slowly he laid down next to her, his face only inches from hers. 

“No” 

“What?” Steve frowned studying her as Dixie shook her head. 

“Turn around.” 

“I… ok…” he said slowly turning his huge back facing her. 

Wrapping her arms around his waist she pulled herself closer spooning him. It was easier this way she could pretend he was a huge pillow. A very muscular pillow.  Closing her eyes Dixie buried her nose in his neck taking in his warm scent. He smelled like warm flannels and justice. 

Whatever justice smelled like. 

She felt his large hand enveloping hers pulling her arms tighter around him. Thumb drawing small circles over her skin. The touch sending small goose bumps up her arm. 

“We’re in this together ok.” she said, her warm breath fanning over his neck, “you just have to be open with me, we can go any any pace you want.”  

‘Thank you” he whispered so softly she might have missed it. Maybe it was her imagination. 

After all, what did THE Captain America have to worry about? 

-GET TAGGED!- 

 Masterlist 

Forever tag:  @the-shadow-of-atlantis @coffee-randomness @0hmydeku @xx3fsxx @daisyboobear  @jason-redhood @hello-i-lovespiderman-blr  @pinkwitch21 @tomhncharliep  @cdwmtjb8

Story tag: 

@itsmeeluciie

[evilback-wards]

[TW:  S*xual Abuse, Coercion, Gr**ming, Predatory Behaviors] Spreading Awareness

It took me a long time to get the courage to write this. This is personal, but also can be used for reference to avoid getting manipulated by those who just want to hurt you. This goes out to all my older and younger followers. This post talks about gr**ming, manipulative behaviors, and some personal advice on how to avoid these certain behaviors/people. More information below the cut.

When I was 13, I met a group of friends through an online gaming site. At first most of them seemed to be cool to me, since some were between 2-5 years older than me. I started to chat with them online everyday using a system called chatango(dunno if its still running atm). It was posted all over old anime websites(not sure if they still are now). That was how I met most people. Due to my upbringing, I never felt safe around my parents. My only friend irl at the time constantly sexually abused me. This led to me only making friends via online chat systems like Chatango and Xat.

At first, things did go really well. But since that’s how most gr**ming starts, I want to warn all of my young followers of the warning signs. This is from my personal POV so keep that in mind:

Saying you’re “mature for your age”, esp. if mentioned after telling your age

Constantly trying to ‘teach you’ about life, focusing on sexual things in nature

Saying your friends are ‘less mature’ than them to give them credibility

Isolating you from you healthy-minded friends

Rushing the relationship/trying to make you feel ‘special���

Manipulating you into being their sole source of comfort* 

Making you keep secrets about some of the things you do/discuss

Making you feel worthless, saying stuff like ‘without me you’re nothing’

Raging at you when you do not follow as they want/like

Coercing you to do sexual acts you do not want to do, either but physical or mental abuse

Performing sexual acts in front/around you and demanding you comment on them

Expecting you to drop everything to hang out with them*

 The ones I marked with asterisks are typically situational/may not happen depending on the person in question. I had experienced a man who I had fallen for unfortunately since I thought he was my way out of my depressive state and dismal living situation. He did all of the above things to try and get me to do sexual acts for him. That first guy, we’ll call him T, worked hard to get me to love him. He had gotten me isolated from the few healthy online friends I had. He even almost got me to meet him in a semi-private area where he would do god knows what with me. Now looking back on it, I doubt the guy was even from Mississippi like he claimed. He knew the landmarks of where I lived too well and tried pushing for us to meet at those places.  Thankfully for that encounter he lost interest after my parents stepped in(but they blamed me for the most part). The worst part about situations like this, if you don’t have a healthy network of people to talk to, is the blame that can come from it. 

The next guy(we’ll call him J) gets deeper into my head and actually got me to do sexual acts on Skype with him. He was much older than me and strung me along. I had fallen for him since I liked his personality. And much like last time, I saw J as an escape from my terrible reality at the time. Things got more serious as I went through high school. We would talk on the phone late at night, joking around. I hadn’t had a cellphone at the time so we would just talk for a while. I hadn’t known it at the time, but he was actually gr**ming me for sexual behavior in the future. He didn’t make more moves in the sexual realm until I had moved out to college. Once he heard I did, he kept trying to get me to perform sexual acts for him. The one time I gave in and did, I realized what had happened. Sure, I wasn’t a teenager anymore, but due to the amount of trauma and abuse I had undergone, it was hard for me to do much critical thinking outside of school work. After, he ghosted me and never spoke to me again. From my traumatic past till now, it really broke me as a person. I never thought I was going to be enough to anyone. Not to a friend, a SO, no one. Now that I am recovering from that history of abuse, I want to spread the word out there to my younger and older followers.  There’s so many people out there that may hurt you. They may seem nice surface level, but if they do most things on that checklist I have above, they’re likely either gr**ming you for future sexual behavior or trying to manipulate you. The reason why I am putting this target to older audiences too is since the impacts of gr**ming can be long lasting. Those impacted by this can be on a bad track to unhealthy relationships with abusive/manipulative significant others. I find this especially hurtful if you do not have a healthy family dynamic to lean back on. Compounded with a negative school and social life, these predators will often find these sorts of people as perfect targets. I strongly encourage if you feel like this is happening to you or a friend, do more research, learn how to best approach the situation, and stay safe. For sometime I thought about helping out those who may be in this situation personally, but I have learned that its best to do your own research and figure out how to best tackle the situation with friends/people who are close to you. Be sure(if you are younger/minor) to reach out to someone you trust as an adult figure if you know your parents do not care/will abuse you.

So, if there’s anyone out there that is feeling lonely/depressed/empty, I beg you, please, please don’t think it gets better with those who are groomers or abusers. They are only there to get what they want. Do research on the person in question, see if anyone else has felt the same way(if safe to do so), research more about gr**ming, and please please stay safe.

I would like to end this as a thank you to whoever ends up reading this far. I feel very strongly on this topic and it has taken a lot of courage and strength to write about my personal experience and talk about this issue. As I stated before, its best to approach these sort of things with tons of research, getting outside help, and most importantly, staying safe.  I wish everyone well and I hope that someday we’ll have a system that can more closely watch for stuff like this.

[sebongie-loves]

youtuber!wonwoo

someone said to write more of this which i’m very happy that there’s someone who enjoys this, so here ya go! <3 

enjoy :)

wonwoo is that one youtuber that is cute, emo, relatable, awkward but seriously funny and got shipped with his own bestfriend

i mean by this y’all probably already know but his style is like daniel howell

he does random videos and probably films it at random times like this one time he made a video something like ‘What’s On My Mind at 3AM’ which literally him only talking for 5 minutes and it’s all giberish 

“who is the first person that made languages, the very first one. why do they decided to named pen ‘pen’? look at this pen, does it make you wanna say ‘pEn’? like, why?”

but actually an intellectual

savage most of the time 

saying stuffs like

“the reason why i don’t want to do collabs outside my circle of friends? uuuh snakes are not exactly my favourite animal”

probably hates everyone beside his friends

even with his friends, he acts like he hates them but everyone knows wonwoo is just a soft guy with a hard shells

like crabs 

but he doesn’t like seafoods 

ironic 

wears long sleeves jumpers or like jacket just for the sake of sweater paws that makes all of his subcribers go ‘awwwwwwwwwwww’ and soft for him

but this one time, he forgot and filmed with the sleeves rolled all the way his elbow, showing his muscular arms and his subscribers just went like ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’ 

so his subscribers are constantly torn between him being soft or sexy like dang this boy can do both

he loves communicating with his viewers so he often goes on twitter or tumblr. just lurking and replying at 4am

does q&a everytime he ran out of ideas 

he does book review at every end of the month, like ‘January Favourites’ and does book hauls

which his viewers often joke something like wonwoo probably loves to watch make up artists that’s why he makes this kind of videos but with books  

he lives in korea. in fact, he lives there for most of his life and kudos for him, he learnt english at a very young age which makes english a language that he can speak comfortably

when he made this videos for the first time it was very impulsive like he did not expect anyone to watch him but appearantly lots of people found him cute so basically he grew up on youtube

started his career at a very young age really makes him who he is right now

sometime speaks korean and his fans just lose their shit after hearing him speaking in korean

he’s the cutest when talking about his favourite things like games, books and his friends

always spreading awareness about mental illness, equality, racism etc and not scared about it because he thinks that’s the right thing to do 

you’re just an ordinary person. living your life, which is also mean you’re binge watching youtube until 3 am when you need to wake up at 6am

your first video of wonwoo is doing a book review on your favourite books and damn the boy has the same opinion as you 

you later find him really cute and you’re enjoying his content so much that it almost makes you just stay on youtube all day all night

just like what you did everytime you found a new youtuber, you followed his twitter and his instagram and turn his post notification on so you know when he’ll drop something 

wonwoo notices someone that he thought is attractive on his comment section like seriously he cannot help himself but to search at your profile picture on his new videos and when he found your instagram and your twitter?

his life is a freakin mess because he seems like he likes you so much

it’s 3am at your place and you’re watching youtube like usual when a notification pops out from twitter. you usually found it annoying but not this time

‘Jeon Wonwoo liked your Tweet’

you almost throw your phone across the room and screaming at the top of your lungs when you found out it is the real him, not some kind of a troll but you still value your life that you hold everything so that your parents wont run to your room bringing knifes on their hands

wonwoo, in the other side, was almost destroyed his roommates’ ear and doors when he realised he accidentaly liked one of your tweets before you sending him a direct messages

“so, what’s the deal of a famous youtuber liking my tweet?”

you sent it without expecting a reply, that he would just go on with his life and forget the whole thing but no you’re wrong

“i’m sorry it was an accident”

“my tweet from four months ago?”

“.... okay i stalked you you got me.”

a direct message leads to being mutuals, being mutuals leads to giving each other personal information, giving each other personal information leads to texting all day all night, texting leads to voice calls and who know you’ll ended up video calling with him? :)

you ended up liking him as jeon wonwoo, not that youtuber wonwoo

and wonwoo should never lie about his crush on you because it’s obvious

he prioritise to video call you or voice call you 

he starts to give a content where it’s so obvious that he’s in love with someone

you love how he is always around you

he’s always there when you’re sad and comforting you

when you’re happy, he is always around to talk with you

when you’re lonely, he’s the one that is understanding

everyone around you and him know this relationship between you two and how much you want to meet them. wonwoo would like to visit but no matter how much he wants to prioritise you but he still needs to pay his bills and his foods so he’s really sorry that he cannot meet you anytime soon

all you can give him is a reassurance, saying things like ‘that’s okay we can meet someday, trust me!’

and that day comes

it was your birthday 

you’re video calling with wonwoo that is holding a small cake with candles to celebrate your birthday when your family and friends come into your room saying “we are sure that you’ll love this more than any luxurious items in this world”

that was when you found out you’re going to a trip to south korea

and now here you are, with a thousand butterflies in your stomach and you’re seconds away from meeting wonwoo

“y/n!!” 

a deep voice welcomed you, the deep voice you always heard against your phone screen or through your earphone is now calling your voice irl sounds so.. unbelievable?

no matter how hard it is to believe, wonwoo is there. standing with a cardboard that is decorated with pink glittery paint which you never expected him to hold that 

“this is my friend’s works but i guess it’s either you’ll love it or you’ll hate it.” he says with a smile, an awkward smile because he is so shy to meet you and happy at the same time 

you just can’t help yourself but to hug him and him replying the hug

“i can’t believe you’re real!”

“well i am but it’s just.. idk i’m so overwhelm and so happy that you’re here” 

he pats your head before breaking the hug. “now ready for the south korea’s adventure?”

“you mean, binge watching something in your room until 3am?”

he grinned and took your suitcase, bringing it to a taxi stop nearby. “you know me so much.”

who would’ve known? you who are living your boring life suddenly dating your favourite youtuber and now you’re in his room, in his embrace, cuddling with him?

even his touch still feels surreal to you and both of you enjoy every seconds of it

it worth your time

he is worth your time. 

going back and forth to south korea and him going back and forth to your place is not the easiest thing

who would’ve known, you’ll be living on another country with a guy and his trusty camera and his social platform that receives a lot of love by everyone?

well that happened and you two are so drunk in love 

thank you for reading!

i was writing this and it got deleted and i hope it still good despite me writing it in hurry :( and the prompt has been on my draft for 382910 years now omg 

[lyricdissonance]

odds please! for ask thing

1. How do you define your sexuality?i’m bisexual, i also identify as queer3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls?first started realizing i “like like” girls instead of just “like” at 15 I believe?5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization?gradual realization, i had a whole lot of female actresses and musicians i really admired and then realized i was also attracted to them. then i kinda brushed that aside for a while, thinking that my celeb crushes didn’t count as real crushes, before i also got crushes on girls i knew irl which made me realize i definitely wasn’t straight7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality?reading posts by bi bloggers on here helped a whole lot, they made me realize that i didn’t have to fit a narrow definition to be “allowed” to call myself bisexual. and as someone who grew up in a conservative environment, i probably wouldn’t have discovered my sexuality when i did without tumblr since i’d never been told before that it was ok to not be straight, and i thank the internet for showing me there are other ways to live life

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it?it was by text message to a male friend who was the only other bi person i really knew at the time. he was super supportive and we haven’t talked in a while but i’d love to catch up with him someday11. How out are you?out to friends and two family members, but closeted to most of my family. which means i can be gay on tumblr and twitter but not instagram and facebook. funny how that happens13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know?a few people have been surprised, but these days when i meet someone new i prefer to casually mention my sexuality rather than do a real “coming out” and i don’t normally get any reaction from that15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality?like the last answer, if i feel like i can trust them i’ll just try to slip it into conversation. i don’t have a timeline for when i do it though, it’s just whenever i feel ok doing it17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight?not so much that as just wishing my sexuality could be not a big deal. i’d love to be out to everyone but i know it would cause problems in a lot of my family relationships19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other girls?i gave up using percentages a while ago but i’m attracted to men and women about the same amount overall21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or stare at a cute girl?only all the time because girls are Too Cute to not do that

23. What is your current relationship status?

single af

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl?i’ve kissed one person and she was nonbinary, we were hanging out in her dorm common room when she went for a kiss on the cheek and i was like “well we might as well do one on the lips too”27. What is your ideal first date?wherever we go i want us to be having fun! i love going out for food or drinks but if we don’t have a connection then it’s just us staring at our plates so there’s always that risk of it being too awkward. i’d love for us to try something new where we can talk and laugh while getting to know each other29. How flirty are you?i’m the certified worst at flirting. i’m trying to be more confident but my idea of flirting right now is staring across the room31 Do you want have children someday?no but i want to volunteer with children someday and do something to help make their lives better33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend?not often, i think my family is used to me saying no by now lmao35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend?nope (see above, single af)37. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?nope39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you?nope and nope41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl?oh yes43. Would you ever date a trans woman?absolutely45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover?

a wendy’s parking lot in upstate new york 

somewhere where you can meet people who have a common interest, like a bookstore or a dance class or an lgbt event. but the romantic in me wants to believe that the love of my life could be found anywhere

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to?have not but would love to! even if i don’t like it i want to be able to say i tried it49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings?don’t want one for myself, but i think they’re cute51. How muscular are you?not very53. Have you ever been told that you don’t look gay, or that you’re too pretty to be gay?

hasn’t happened to me

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often?i may not consider myself very feminine but i do love how skirts and dresses look on me. so like once or twice a week on average?57. How much jewelry do you typically wear?i go without it a lot but i like wearing a piece of statement jewelry when i think an outfit needs it59. How often do you wear a bra?almost always when i go out, but home is a No Bra Zone61. Have you ever worn a suit?nope but i’d try it!63. Do you carry a purse?yep, i find it convenient to have all my stuff with me65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing?because of my body shape finding men’s clothes that fit well is Hard but i’ve worn men’s shirts on occasion67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend?

no but i like this idea so cute girls who are my size please hmu

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity?my faves include freddie mercury, janelle monae, st. vincent, and lady gaga71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace?nope73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television?i’d like for us to survive to the end of the show for one thing. and not be overly sexualized. i’m glad that we’re seeing more positive and happy depictions like on b99 but we could always use more75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers?tbh i don’t really follow any youtubers77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website?i follow a lot of gay blogs on here, too many to choose a favorite. and i really like autostraddle.com79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations?

i really need to start reading more lgbt lit, but shoutout to the misfits by james howe which was the first time i ever encountered gay characters in literature. i think it’s important that that book showed a gay boy who was unashamed about liking feminine things and had friends who supported him. i know my young mind was opened a little after i read it. and now that i’m looking it up again it turns out the author is gay which makes it even better!

81. Boobs or butts?Certified Boob Lover (tm)83. Ellen or Portia?

probs ellen

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club?no but there’s a gay club that’s popular w people at my school that is on my list! 87. Do you have any LGBT relatives?my sister, no others that i know of89. How outdoorsy are you?i’m definitely more outdoorsy than i used to be! i’ve learned to enjoy a bit of hiking, kayaking, and exploring but i still don’t do well with heat and bugs lol91. How many rainbow items do you own?one rainbow rubber bracelet, and a couple of bi pride items93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence?no, as far as i know it was never a big thing at my school? i knew one or two people who did it95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting?no, i’m kinda curious about what a meeting would be like tho97. Have you ever been part of a softball team?nope99. Do you play any video games?

well i used to be a hardcore nintendogs player back in the day

101. (on a scale of 1-10, how attractive are...) Women who wear glasses?glasses on girls are GR8 - 10/10103. Women who are covered with piercings?kinda neutral on this, i support women getting the piercings they want but "covered with piercings” isn’t really something i look for in a person - 6/10105. Women with short hair?if you have short hair i am guaranteed gay for you - 10/10107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)?

*wearing a shirt that says I

109. What does equality mean to you?to me it means i’m treated the same as anyone else and i have all the same opportunites111. Do you eat meat at all?yes113. How do you feel about the terms “woman crush” and “girl crush”?i find them harmful to girls trying to figure out their sexuality bc the implication of a “girl crush” is that all women have crushes on women and that it shouldn’t be taken as serious attraction. that being said i think a not-insignificant amount of women who say stuff like that just haven’t realized yet that they are attracted to women (i was one of them whoops) and i hope we can find ways to talk about the “girl crush” problem that leave room for questioning people to talk about their feelings115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic?i hardly ever hear it anymore but i don’t like it117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use?everyone should be able to use the bathroom that they feel safest and most comfortable in, gender neutral bathrooms need to be everywhere, and any lawmakers who want to get in the way of that can fuck outta here119. Have you ever been called a gay slur?nope121. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain.not like, personally, but the number of people who have said in my presence that they “don’t believe” in bisexuality is Too High123. Americans: How did you feel on June 26, 2015?it was really incredible, i’d been watching as state by state (including my own) had legalized same-sex marriage and suddenly it was all across america. seeing all the love and happiness being poured out on that day was amazing125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”?luckily i’ve never been there, but it breaks my heart to think about people going through that127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?"bi women are just doing it for male attention” excuse you i’m clearly doing it in the hopes that jenna coleman will fly to the states and elope with me get your facts right129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality?

take your time! you don’t have to 100% understand your feelings but please let yourself feel what you feel and remember you are not alone. and i want to be here for questioning girls the same way that other people were there for me when i was questioning so if you need someone to talk to i am always here.

[agrestenoir]

things i’m thankful for

so I know that thanksgiving has passed for me, but there were a few shoutouts I wanted to give to certain people who mean a lot to me, and I couldn’t go long without saying something. So here’s just a short list of some people I really appreciate.

To @agermanshepherdpatronus and @thatcrazybookwyrm: you guys mean the absolute world to me. You’ve been with me through thick and thin and are some of the best friends I could ever ask for. I know I’ve been MIA for the last couple of months as life picks up, but it’s thanks to you guys that I am where I am today. You’re so important to me, and I hope you know that. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. You two have changed my life forever, so now you’re gonna be stuck with me till the end, okay? I hope you get all the wonder and happiness you deserve because you guys have given me the world, and I want to give it you in return. Never change, and keep those hearts of gold always shining. I love you, Oz & MG. <3

To @nebulousrose (Honnah): I know you deactivated, baby, but you’re still a star in my sky, and I hope you know that. I always look back on our messages we’ve shared over the years and I hope you know how much you mean to me. At one point in time, you were the only person who could make me smile, and you always saw the best in me. Someday I hope I can become the person you always believed I was. <3 Love you, darling. I’ll see you on Facebook and Snapchat if I ever get my ass on there and be active.

To @perfectlyrose and @dimensionhoppingrose and @nottheopera and @skyler10fic and @tinyconfusion and @chocolatequeennk and SO MANY OTHER blogs and content creators. [This is Erin/atimelordswife, I just realized I posted this on the wrong blog]. I’ve followed a lot of you for years, and you’re all so wonderful and ridiculously talented. It’s been an absolute privilege to watch you all grow. And I KNOW there’s a bunch of people I’m forgetting because you fuckers keep changing your URLs and I can’t keep up. I’m a 22 year old college student in a long term relationship with her coffee cup, so please please bear with me. Regardless, I love you all and thank you for blessing me with your content and wonderful blogs. 

To @breeeliss: You’re too wonderful for words, and I am so happy I met you! You’re so accepting of me and so encouraging and supportive. You’re also god-spanking talented, like I can’t sometimes because I’m in awe of your skills? You’re one of the people I go to when I need to smile because you’re so fucking hilarious, and you’re so entertaining and fun to talk to. Like I’m so blessed that we’re friends? Thanks for putting up with me, Gabie <3 

To @stardusted: You’re another person I’m so happy I got to know. You keep me on my toes and always make me laugh. You are such a wonderful person and friend, and I am so appreciative of you. Also I know you’re gonna make it big someday with your raw talent and the passion you put in everything you do. You’re one of the best people I know, and I just want the best for you <3 Thanks for putting up with me too, darling! I know I can be a handful.

To @flusteredkeith: You are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. You are always there to listen to me scream and your fics hurt me in such a good way. As a person, you always make me smile, and I love talking to you. The heart you put into your work and thoughts always shines through. You make me fall in love with things [Sheith], which is a very powerful tool. I just love your gusto for the things you love. You’re also so fucking supportive and there for me when I need it, and I just love, love talking to you. I’m so glad I know you, J <3 Thanks for everything!!!

To @miraculousstorytelling: CLAIRE, MY PASTRY, MY EASY-BAKE OVEN. You keep me on my toes, you make me laugh, your zest for life and your kindness and heart are just some of the most amazing things about you. I love your compliment wars, I love your writing because dear GOD do you have a tendency to break me, I love your passion and effort that you put into things. And your passion for people and you’re just... I love everything about you, Pastry Puff, and please never change. You’re always there for me, you’re so encouraging and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me. You deserve the world, babe. <3 Thank you.

To @panda013: PANDABEAR. You are one of the most talented people I know, you’re so good at everything you do, like it’s not fair how good you are. You’re so hard working and your strength is a thing of beauty. I admire you in everything you do, how you approach life, and I know things can be rough at times, but I always know you’re gonna pull through and be wonderful. You’re destined for amazing things, Panda. I believe in you so much, and thank you for always being there for me <3 People like you give me a reason to smile!

To @ladyserendipitous: My muse, the story voice, O, the Mom of the Server. You are literally the voice of reason sometimes, and I hope you know how appreciative I am of you. You always make the best comments and are fucking hilarious, but you are also the realist I need to be because I have a tendency to be jump off walls a lot. You’re an anchor to a lot of people, and I really admire you. Plus you’re like super good at writing, and I love your work, and more people need to read them. Thank you for always being there, for having the best ideas, and just being awesome in general. I aspire to reach your level someday!

To @megatraven: You are the epitome of sunshine on a rainy day, the gold at the end of the rainbow, the world does not deserve you. You are literally the kindest person I have ever met, the most supportive and encouraging, and even though you can be a walking shitpost of your icons sometimes, all it does is make me throw my head back in laughter. You deserve the whole world, you deserve all the happiness. From treadmills to bees, from Melon Rodeo to Meggi, you are a shooting star. I love you, I adore you, thank you for everything <3 ALSO YOUR FUCKING WRITING KILL SME THANK YOU.

To @sadrien: What can I say about this incredibly talented person? Your stories give me life, your IRL stories give me life, you’re incredibly awesome in general. You’re so wonderful and kind, and I am so happy I met you. I wish you only the best because you deserve all of it, and just thank you so much for the laughter? The kindness because I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body? I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you, Tea, and keep being wonderful because the world needs more people like you! <3 Thanks for putting up with my dramatic ass.

To @zoenightstars: I know you don’t use Tumblr, but for when you ever come online and hopefully see this, just know that I love and appreciate you. Your passion for the things you do, your talent that knows no bounds, your smarts and snarkiness are things I struggle to keep up with. I know college applications are draining, but I firmly believe that you’re gonna go on to do great things. You’ve got the passion and the drive and will to go far, and I can’t wait to see where life takes you. Thanks for always being there to make me smile!

To @ninoirs: you are a bubbly, accident-prone smol that we all must protect. Literally, I don’t know how you’ve made it almost eighteen years. But like they say, the best things come in small packages, and Rey, you’re a blessing, honestly. Ridiculously talented, so bright and brilliant, and just so amazing at everything you do. You’re so supportive, so much fun, and thank you for putting up with me. You’re honestly so wonderful, Rey Rey. (And your boyfriend is cool too). 

To @amillionsmiles: I literally just started to get to know you, but you’re still incredibly talented. Also it’s kind of scary how good you are. I have always been a fan, and you fucking slay me with everything you do. You’re gonna do great things, I firmly believe that. Thanks for always breaking my heart and putting it back together <3

To @adribug: You’re too smart for words, too brilliant to measure, and your graphics fucking kill me, so thanks for that. You’re just a bubbly person, and your personality shines in everything you do. I love talking to you, you’re so much fun. Thank you for being awesome, thanks for dealing with me, and thanks for just being yourself. You’re amazing, and I know you’re gonna do awesome things <3

To @larvesta: the lady who can sometimes be my twin and who is so fucking talented that her art has legit made me cry. You are one of those people I couldn’t have been happier to meet, and you are so fucking amazing. Your talent knows no bounds, your kindness has no measure, and you are just so... ASKSDGHLGD That’s all I can say, Liv. Thank you for putting up with me, for your endless support, and for being so incredible. I love you ;3

To @miracujess: you’re a walking meme and shitpost. Like I can’t with you, Jess??? You’re fucking hilarious, so incredible, so entertaining and fun. Like I can depend on you to put a smile on my face when I need it, and to be so genuinely awesome that you make me cry. Thank you so much for everything. The world deserves more people like you who are the embodiment of sunshine. 

To everyone else at @mlfanfiction: you guys have become my second family, literally. You’re all so supportive and wonderful and fucking awesome. Thank you for putting up with me, for being there for me, for the support and encouragement. For being so talented and giving me people to look up too. To Erica, Teal, Rae, KC, Kiwi, Sarah, Maha (I can’t fucking remember your TUMBLR URLS SO IM GONNA GET YOU ALL IN VERSION 2.0; I’m sorry it’s literally 10:30 PM at night. I can’t be on top of everything now, especially when I’m on break from school). You guys are so fucking talented and I weep tears when I talk to you or read your stuff. Thanks for the laughs, for the snarks, for the kindness, for making the good days the absolute best. <3 

To everyone at @queermiraculous: thanks for giving me a place I can be myself. Thank you to all the people I’ve met, all the friends I’ve made, I’m too tired to list you cause there’s a fuck ton. You’re all so supportive and encouraging and fun, and I just wish you the best.

To everyone at the MLArtist server that @larvesta runs: You guys are so talented, so supportive and so encouraging. Thank you for giving me a place to learn and grow as an artist, and just for being some of the best people I’ve ever met.

To everyone I didn’t mention, thank you! If I’ve talked to you even once, you belong on this. But I’m a 22 year old college student married to her coffee cup, it’s 10:30 PM, and I’ve gone 26 hours without sleep. Please bear with me. Just thank you for everything, your support and encouragement, acceptance, talent, your passion, your strength, just everything. You all mean the world to me, and I can’t thank you enough.

Just thank you all my followers as well. <3 I don’t know how you got here, but you deserve so much. Thanks for putting up with me. <3

[runesandfaes]

If you could meet 10 blogs irl who would you pick and why??

Ooh okay. Let’s go.

@cassiancalore Of course my one and only smut parabatai and best friend, I can’t wait to meet her someday. I don’t even have to elaborate on this. She was my first ever proper friend on Tumblr and we instantly clicked I love her so much and I am dying to actually meet her and literally do all sorts of stuff.

@towerofdawn Gi, my babe, we are one and the same. One of my darling friends, I love her SO. MUCH. We’d probably hang out fangirling and chilling with each other and having the best damn time. Plus, maybe I’ll absorb some of that killer flirting techniques if I’m around her long enough, who knows?

@catastrophicallyinlovewithbooks Another one of my babes I love so much, hanging out with her would be amazing. We’d fangirl over so many things and I wanna just tour different places with her and such. Also B, I have this odd wish to get drunk with you and see what happens because you’re adorably hilarious when you are. Oh also, Bianca’s voice and accent is like honey to my ears and I want her to just talk beside me while I sleep. (I swear this is not meant to be creepy. I just mean she is very soothing to listen to)

@nessiansmut Sarah is HILARIOUS. Literally can make you laugh all the damn time without even trying and I feel like spending time with her would be filled with witty one-liners and smut and salt. I mean it guys, salty Sarah is the best thing ever. Ilysm 

@highladyofdreamcourt Clarie is just the friggin’ best and we’re gonna probably spend days swooning over sexy AF shirtless dudes and stupid memes. It’ll be a grand time.

@foxboy-lucien My wife, my co-Queen of the Lucien Trashcan and co-High Lady of the Cheesecake Court, MarciCake, she is one of my new favorite people and conversations with her are always so much fun. I feel like we’ll get along wonderfully. (Plus I secretly want her family to adopt me because of all the cheesecake huehuehuehue)

@paperbacktrash Listen, this’ll just be us spending days on end talking about Chaol’s dick (which is what our friendship is built upon) and probably writing ‘Manhood of Steel’, which I am very invested in at this point. And aside from that, she is one of the coolest and funniest people ever and I’d love to meet her some day because we’ll have an amazing time, I’m sure.

@aelin-and-feyre Gusty, my babe

@acourtofredqueens Oliiiive

@lifelillysandmagicwands Levi. My bby

[familiaanteomnia]

for the lgbt+ ask game, please answer the odd numbers as the mun. (although, i think i know your answers for some of those questions.)

*Warning: This is going to be potentionally triggering, etc with talk of unsupporting family and stuff.* 

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?: Trans Male, he/him or Lurching Thing *tm* Take it this implies orientation too so- gay, asexual. (But I appreciate that girls can kick my ass, and are pretty) Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?: I don’t like go anywhere, and interact with people. At most my family basically often, daily. This one obnoxoxious boy in public who was all ‘oh yeah that’s a girl obviously’. Do have plenty of confusing people and them being like ‘so that’s uh- you person there’. Or getting gendered correctly. Supposedly I pass more than I give myself credit for. 

Which like before I even had fully accepted myself confused a doctor once. Waiting around and it was like ‘hey uh- could you please move, kid’. I mean even when I was presenting as my birth gender once had kids mistake me for a college age guy so -shrug-. 

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?: Terrible, still is with family and coming out’s never finished. 1st time, family. I’ll share that cause it’s the real crux of things. Worst than the horror scenarios I’d pictured.

I hadn’t slept much in weeks, hands trembling with an urge to self harm because I’d given it up around then. Out of town, visiting family. Shit storm. A phone call outside in a meltdown, false hope because it sounds like I might be tolerated. Two day stomach flu. Car ride to meet halfway for lunch before going home days later with my mother. Rock hitting the window shield, cracking it making me wish it broke. 

Growing dread. Immense guilt that I can’t even look at the driver of the car. My mother wouldn’t even look at me, babbling to try being even seen as her child in the slightest. Dead silence. Going home. The start of yelling, fighting, being a mistake. Cut off from all internet access. Even when things died down I’d do something wrong and it would be twisted against me. I’ve been yelled at in public for it. Talked behind my back, while present. Crap situations in a doctors office, etc. Thankfully they were more chill. 

Like I’m more out than I was but it’s still like ‘hush hush’. Partly because I always bail out of telling people off. Because I just wanted my family, I just want the people I care for to even slightly respect me. To actually talk to me, not about me behind my back/to each other while I’m sitting there instead of directly saying “How are you” or small talk. I love them- I’ve hurt myself emotionally, sacrificed so much but they can’t even try to see me as even just a person.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?: I mean I get no questions/don’t interact with people much but I hate the ‘top, or bottom’ crap specially from females in gross excess. Like when somebody hcs a character trans but then it’s just that, s*x and ‘top or bottom’Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?: m/alec, m.agnus chase/alex f.ierro, klaus/dave, and like I have so many more. Not all of them have ship names, or are coming to mind right now though.Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?: Yes. I also have other body image issues. It makes me hate taking or being in pictures. Makes me hate leaving the house. Being around people. It’s literally like those scales where it’s like ‘get help if you’re at level 10 and it super impacts your life’. And I’m on like 15 constantly. I have literal clothes where it’s like ‘after top sugery’ ‘when I’m skinnier-’ and then it’s ‘which of the two shirts’ ‘these jeans, oh but they’re kind of no thanks’. Always wearing boots when I have cute sneakers,etc. 

I don’t wear eyeliner like I used to. Yet I like bought some a while back like ‘oh these colors are pretty’ it’s just sat. Don’t use chapstick sometimes despite owning it, chapped lips at times. Constantly end up screwing my eyes shut while changing, random breakdowns like ‘I have the wrong shape nails’. Safe to say as a result it’s like really messed up. Supposedly I’m an attractive person energy wise,etc but yet I’m like ‘uhhh ew I look terrible’ and compliments feel fake especially if the person has never seen me. -shrug-What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?: Honestly? Like those who sometimes are just like ‘hey I get it’. Or appreciate dumb poetry I share,etc. The people who sometimes are like ‘hey I’ve got your back’. Or accept me as a person, labels aside. Those who I came across that have spoken about their situations with my childhood church/spoken out. Published books. Made a whole album of it. One of them who was like the og in a way messaged me once like ‘hey it’ll be okay’. So I’d say the good people, good parts- who actually fight for each other,etc. Instead of playing gate keeper,etc.Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?: Nope, it’s like a few hours and I’m always broke/no way I’d be like ‘hey family member spend some gas, cash take me to pride’. Plus I know nobody irl so I’d be alone big time. Also my local one seems big on the ‘partying, drinking’ events etc. Plus you have to like pay? Then like parade wise I can’t bind for that immense amount of time there, during (in the hot sun), and back. Or walk/march cause uh my legs be dumb sometimes/asthma. I want to go to an event or parade sometime, someday though. Though I’m like ‘okay but I’d like to flags? Perhaps socialize? Kiss a cute boy?’ so *frustrated noises*. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?: Not really cause I guess my middle school nonsense (not even dating but trying to be ‘normal’) doesn’t count. But like also that’s fine. I attract toxic people. So like I’d rather wait try patiently waiting for somebody good to come my way. Who can accept all of  me and will know it’ll be rough but I’ll also be like ‘hey let’s go get doughnuts late at night and go to a park, snuggle under a tree’. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?: Not really, not yet. Have had some memorable encounters. Been scared shitless once that I was about to get assaulted in a public library. But then again that might be the people’s attitude around here which is mostly ‘hush hush’ fake niceness,etc. Bound to happen though. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?: Don’t really have any? I mean the whole tag more or less, of some of the religious lgbt+ peeps who know the church I was raised in. I watch quite a few trans youtubers though, not all of them are exactly wildly known. Other than that -shrug-. 

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?: Never- honestly doesn’t appeal much to me either like history sure. Something people can do- hell yeah. Personally drinking wouldn’t be healthy for me *not of age currently anyways*. And drag shows usually are at such events- crowds, people. Just not sure I’d last even 20 seconds to have fun or anything. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?: Not sure, bio kids are a solid no for reasons. But otherwise- I like babysitting, kids adore me for some odd reason. So like say I date or fall for somebody who has a kid or is on good terms with family/loves babysitting. I’d be totally happy babysitting or hanging around with said person and their child. Things like adopting though? Good option yet I’d not think it over too much till it’s a conversation/have a person and its stable. (Plus like trauma,etc is a thing that makes it loaded as well)What do you think of gender roles in relationships?: If it’s their thing- sure. But the gross gender roles? I’ll scowl at. Like honestly especially if it’s straight people,etc like ‘well whose the tougher one’ etc. Or praising abuse like ‘the guy can’t hang out with other girls uwu, I have access to his phone all the time- we’re joined at the hip all the time’. For anybody. Like people need breathing room? And are an individual even if in a couple. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?: Uhhh ‘it gets better’ isn’t always comforting cause sometimes it does take years. To work through things. Work things out. That sometimes it takes conversation, time and immediate rejection isn’t always how it’ll be. But you should also put yourself first, not be like ‘oh I can’t work on getting hormones because I want my family to adjust, etc’. Idk. 

[professor-abeloved]

RULES: FINISH THESE 92 STATEMENTS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE.

Got meme’d on tagged by my homie @principal-mc !! thanks bud i love youuuu <3

THE LAST:

1. Drink: c2 lemon 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: my best friend @rpgskill <3 4. Song you listened to:  Mahiwagang Puso from the Encantadia 2005 OST 5. Time you cried: uh, yesterday

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nah  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. Been cheated on: hindi 9. Lost someone special: er no 10. Been depressed:  always yeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: drunk yes, thrown up no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. purple!! it’s always been my favorite hehe 13. mint green 14. blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yup both on here and irl! i love you guys!! 16. Fallen out of love: no... i’ve fallen out of my qp feelings tho if that counts? 17. Laughed until you cried: yES oh my god i always tear up if i laugh too hard 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah. 19. Met someone who changed you: “everyone you meet changes you for better or for worse… change is continuous and inevitable so this is a given” <- couldn’t have said it better myself @principal-mc 20. Found out who your friends are: yup, i did when they were there for me/tried to be there for me.  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: dein

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: about 90%? my account is personal kasi. although i do have some friends that i added for ~fb games~ when i was 10... and some people that added me because we have 100+ mutual friends. okay actually, sometimes i randomly add cute people that fb suggests for me to see if they’ll respond and they do!! i find it funny HAHA and then months later i find out they go to a different university or even a different country... 23. Do you have any pets: ish? my family has pet dogs in the province, though we used to have a lot of fish and rabbbits 24. Do you want to change your name: yep! someday i’ll find a way to make the name-changing process easier in the Philippines, I promise. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: uh had an anxiety attack because there was block drama and i didn’t know what to do when inviting my blockmates out lol 26. What time did you wake up: 12:13 PM 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: posting the amazing art i had commissioned from Millerizo aka Mod Ton from Buhay Kolehiyo!! i’m in love with her art, i swear. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: to fix my damn bank account lol 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: me HAHAHA uh fuck, my hang-ups and flaws i guess 31. What are you listening right now: the television 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: 707′s neighbor Tom? actually wait i think I have a niehgbor named Tom omg 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: “Pixelberry’s writing team” ...actually same, Zee. honestly i’m so disappointed. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr 35. Mole/s: On my right thigh and left shoulder lmao 36. Mark/s: uh i got a lot of stretchmarks on my thighs and stomach 37. Childhood dream: becoming a superhero. tbh it’s a work in progress, there’s gotta be a radioactive spider here somewhere... 38. Hair color: brown with blond hightlights 39. Long or short hair: short!! 40. Do you have a crush on someone: sighs yes and he doesn’t go to my uni anymore :^( 41. What do you like about yourself: my writing!! 42. Piercings: my ears are pierced 43. Blood type: A positive walang aayaw 44. Nickname: El/L/Elle  you spell it however you want haha 45. Relationship status: single but married to about a billion fictional characters 46. Zodiac: Virgo~ 47. Pronouns: they/them, he/him, she/her it i’m cool with them all since i’m bigender lol 48. Favorite TV Show/s: Steven Universe, Brookline 99, HIMYM, Encantadia (2005 and 2016 huhu i miss it so much) 49. Tattoos: waley 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: i’m actually gonna have an operation for my wisdom teeth on Thursday haha pls pray for me 52. Hair dyed in different color: er highlights count right? though i do plan to dye it purple 53. Sport: i don’t... do sports though i hope to do arnis or something with swords in the future! 55. Vacation: YES PLEASE. technically im having it right now though we have a project to submit tomorrow 56. Pair of trainers: oh they’re like rubber shoes? i think well yeah i have like 3 pairs

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: siomai and cheese sticks! 58. Drinking: c2 pa rin mga ulol 59. I’m about to: start on that letter to pb bc really wtf. 61. Waiting for: him lol charot. actually i am waiting for maxwell to be an LI so?? 62. Want: peace and happiness for the world 63. Get married: um it’s not in my plan but if a future partner wants to and/or if there are tax benefits then sure? 64. Career: student po 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs!! 66. Lips or eyes: eyes eyes baby 67. Shorter or taller: can they be the same height? i’m 5 feet tall so most people are taller than me anyway 68. Older or younger: er older? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i only have one weakness, the kryptonite to my superman, the one thing that turns me into a puddle on the floor... biceps 71. Sensitive or loud: tbh both. like i’d say loud but i also need someone sensitive because i’m shit at expressing myself 72. Hook up or relationship: i’m grayro ace buddy so neither. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker lmao. pranksters are cute (as long as the prank doesn’t harm anymore/make them uncomfortable) and yes troublemakers for the oppressive system make my heart go boom <3

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: ew 75. Drank hard liquor: not yet 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: dude i lost my right contact lens during a math review and i kind of stopped wearing them 77. Turned someone down: ...yes. more times than i’d like. 78. Sex in the first date: L O L 79. Broken someone’s heart: i hope to god not 80. Had your heart broken: i wouldn’t know, i don’t have one 81. Been arrested: nah 82. Cried when someone died: yes. 83. Fallen for a friend: uh do QP feelings count as falling? because if so yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: someday, i hope to 85. Miracles: yup! 86. Love at first sight: no. i believe in attraction at first sight, but not love 87. Santa Claus: yeah, it killed me when i found out my mom was writing those letters to santa. it was funny though because one time i asked who santa was, and they gave me a 9 page research of the origin of santa HAHAHAH 88. Kiss on the first date: uh if i like them enough and if they initiate, maybe 89. Angels: yes zee is an angel <3 all of you reading this are angels too <3

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: kristi 91. Eyecolor: hazel brown/light brown with dark flecks 92. Favorite movie: Ghostbusters 2016!! watched it thrice hehe. oh and i recently watched kubo and the two strings and fell in love <3

Tagging: @quinnskelly @mirasols @mewly/@molliartsie @lanapowellblog @ladyashtonofcordonia @grimdarkpixels @keephollywoodweird/@gunfawkes @hollyashton @jebsplayshss/@spacetravels @sarcasticchoices @andythenerdyfriend @ohmymaxwell​ @kittenmusicals​ @rr-roe-es​ @maxwellbeauxmont​ @mermadeheart​/@pixelberry-pippa​ @danielnelsen @evapaw-of-thunderclan @lifeof314universe @craighsiao and anyone else who wants to do this!!

[keii]

Hello there! ^^ I found you a couple of months ago and let me tell you!! You're the most talented person I have seen in so long! I wish I can be like you and be able to draw like that! By the way, Do you like roleplaying? I mean, If you don't, Totally fine! But if you do, Awesome! I would love to roleplay with you someday! Anyways, I wish I could meet you irl because then I would talk to you about MM and other animes and all that! I hope you can read this and get to it as soon as you can!

Ah hello love!!! Thank you so much ahfksj and don’t worry, with enough practice anyone can draw like me haha. Everyone in my family has a natural talent for drawing EXCEPT for me. When I first started to draw, it looked like shit and my siblings would make fun of it. Even tho’ they were all pretty gifted in drawing, I was the only one who was interested enough to pursue it, whereas my older sisters went for nursing– my family is concerned about my future, but at least I’m having fun—- 8)))

ANYWAY LMAOOO I role-played a couple times before with friends, mainly when we have a collab project and we want to get the gist of our characters and story plot– You can even consider my alternate name “Keiidyn Izunia” that I have with Poo and Sushi as a continuous role I play, but who am I kidding, we all know that is my true self aha!

All jokes aside, I don’t do it often, and when I do, I like to write long ass paragraphs and I expect people to do the same bc when I get into character, I REALLY get into character. If I wasn’t such a god damn dirtbag, ass eating rat, I’d love to go into acting, BUT nah I’m too awkward in front of a camera, plus it’s very obvious with my expression if I don’t like someone so— I think I’m better off entertaining people with my stupid comics/art. Uh I forgot where I was going again lool. Oh uh ya! Role-playing is okay, but I uh I don’t often do it with random people. The farthest I’ve gone with a stranger was when it was during myspace days when I was 12 and I desperately was looking for a Sasuke role player, only to find out that the guy who I was role-playing with was some 25 year old scumbag who tried to get perverted with me. I told him that Sasuke would never act like that and blocked him immediately. I only have eyes for Sasuke. Still haven’t found one today //sigh.

OH. I also forgot to add, YES I would be gushing about MM and anime pls, I don't have anyone irl to talk about it with. I feel like the only time I truly fangirl about something is with Sushi and Poo tbh. So I'm very thankful for them LMAOO

[elanorsparkles]

tagged by: @snowcatmoon

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 people.

LAST:

1. Drink: I literally have my water bottle 6" away from me

2. Phone call: My dad

3. Text message: A friend from a church we used to go to

4. Song you listened to: uhh, my mom has had praise music playing all day?

5. Time you cried: A surprisingly long while ago. Maybe a month??

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Never dated at all

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: ^^same as above

8. Been cheated on: Can't be cheated on if you don't get in a relationship to begin with

9. Lost someone special: Probably

10. Been depressed: Yeah :/

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: lol no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Glitter!

13. Pink

14. Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Online and irl :D

16. Fallen out of love: As I said earlier.

17. Laughed until you cried: Only all the time. I live for the lolz

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Since I'm not sure what this means, I'm going to assume not

20. Found out who your friends are: I guess?

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I've. Never. Been. Kissed.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Gurl, I'm never on that site.

23. Do you have any pets: 3 mini goats, 13 chickens, and a dog :)

24. Do you want to change your name: Nah

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Oh boy. Well, I broke dress code to wear my favorite outfit. I had classes that day and long story short: I cleaned an Olaf waffle iron with a toothpick, and had a Banana Hold-Up in a hallway with two of my best friends.

26. What time do you wake up: 7 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Getting ready to sleep

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Classes to start again. I love learning, and I love people!

29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: Like, fifteen minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish my family were in a better financial situation so my little sister could do drill team without feeling bad, and she could go to the church she wants more often. It takes too much gas money right now...

31. What are you listening to right now: That one bug that sounds like a dog dry-heaving just stopped

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: A few

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: That confounded bug

34. Most visited website: Tumblr? Twitter? iFunny?

35. Mole/s: Yep. One of which is a beauty mark

36. Mark/s: Birthmark? A few. I have a reverse one where the skin is lighter instead of darker!

37. Childhood dream: Inventor

38. Hair color: Currently a blonde-ish red

39. Long or short hair: Short!

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Thank heavens,no

41. What do you like about yourself: Physically or character-wise?

42. Piercings: Basic ear piercings

43. Blood type: I'm not sure

44. Nicknames?: Most people call me Ela. Kori calls me CinderEla

45. Relationship status: Single

46. -Zodiac- MBTI: ESFJ

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t know

50. Right or left hand: Right-handed, although as a kid, I used my left hand for sports

51. Surgery: I had my wisdom teeth removed

52. Hair dyed in different color: It's dyed right now, but I've also had pink as well as purtple hair

53. Sport: lol NO

55. Vacation: Ideal vacation or place I’ve been to?

56. Pair of trainers: *googles trainers* Apparently six? I somehow ended up with four pairs of tennis shoes (that's a story), one pair of Converse, and a knock-off Keds

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Hopefully my mom's banana pudding soon

58. Drinking: Water

59. I’m about to: See if the guy who my parents invited over is here yet

62. Want: Tbh, money. I want to take care of my family, and be able to go to my friend's wedding and also finally meet my best friend

63. Get married: maybe someday

64. Career: Researcher in cognitive science while perhaps doing something like counseling

65. Hugs or kisses: From people in general? I'm gonna have to say hugs

66. Lips or eyes: For my future guy? Lips

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: Slightly older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach, I guess

71. Sensitive or loud: um, I don't know

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. I'm a dating-for-marriage kind of gal

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: IDK

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: what the frick, no

75. Drank hard liquor: Not that I can recall

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope

77. Turned someone down: Kinda?

78. Sex on the first date: Heck to the no

79. Broken someone’s heart: Probably :/

80. Had your heart broken: Does breaking my own heart because I know he wouldn't be good for me count?

81. Been arrested: No

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: Unfortunately

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: I think so?

85. Miracles: Yes

86. Love at first sight: Sure

87. Santa Claus: I never believed in Santa

88. Kiss on the first date: NO

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: I have many best friends...

91. Eye color: Blue hazel

92. Favorite movies: The whole Avengers saga (especially CA:TWS), Les Mis, LotR

(totally not tagging 20 people)

[janethepegasus]

Hey Jane! :3 My latest artwork! ^^; http://rakkonji.deviantart.com/art/POKEDANZU-616055366

---------

Ooooh boy, this is like opening a time capsule here. Okay, i’m gonna take this time to explain some things....

I knew this guy in real life, seriously, his name is Sean, and we used to have the same classes together. Sean has autism (and so did i) and as such, we pretty much had Special E.D classes (though to be honest, i was WAY more advanced than the other students in my class :/ ) however, as kinda expected from people who have autism and other similar mental illnesses, Sean had a couple of meltdowns, not the “roll on the floor and scream like a banshee” kind, but rather the “i’m pissed as hell and i’m so fucking angry” kind. He would outright refuse to do things because he’s pissed and say that everything that they’re trying to make him do is BS. He would even, no joke, get up and leave the school, i’m not even kidding.

But that was from the first year that i met him (I was a sophomore when i met him), when the next year came around, he was oddly fine, sure he would get depressed from time to time but he was fine. Sean really liked Pokemon, he made Pokemon OCs, made art about it (like this one), and he owned a couple of Pokemon games. But he was also a tech lover as well, not for the modern stuff, but for the OLD stuff, like old Mac Computers and stuff like that, he REALLY wants an old Mac computer, so much so that he asked my Uncle (yes Sean is familiar with my family) to buy one, but it couldn’t be done because the damn thing was expensive anyways.

If there was a term to describe Sean, it would be “Semi-Weeaboo”, why i say this is because one, he used japanese text A LOT (as you can see in the art pic here), and two, he has dreams of going to Japan and working at Nintendo (though i doubt that will ever happen >_> ), a typical fantasy all weeaboos share (though i say “Semi-Weeaboo” because Sean never believed he was Japanese due to anime, never own a katana, or anything that wasn’t just writing japanese or wanting to go to Japan). Another thing about him? Me and him were friends, but for Sean’s case, he liked me...a little bit more than that. What i mean is that he somewhat developed a crush on me, even though i clearly showed no interest in being in a romantic relationship with him. The few examples of him somewhat hinting that he might have a crush on me is one, he out right stated, out loud (not at school, mind you), that he had a lewd dream about me, like.....who has a dream where they’re having sex with their own friend?? Which, of course, him saying that made me a bit uncomfortable though i never told him. And two, he visited my house one day and before he left, he said that he wants to marry me someday, which i properly told him that if he REALLY want that, then he has to go through a relationship with me first. So yeah, he had a crush on me which i showed no interest.

So, when my senior year ended, i still kept in touch with him through text, though we never meet up with each other since then. Things were fine, until years after i graduated, i received some shocking news; Sean was in jail (well a place similar to jail, but we still referred to it as jail), why? Because he tried to hit his mom with a shovel. Me and my grandparents still kept touch with him, supporting him, and even suggesting him how to live a better life. But then, all of that changed when one day, when my Grandma was talking to him on the phone, Sean outright told her about a lewd dream he had about me and described every single detail to her, to my GRANDMA. When she told me about this, i was shocked, my supposed “friend” outright telling my grandma about a dream about having sex with ME, and due to this, my family became worried that if he ever gets released, he might find me and try to have sex with me IRL. So because of this, i decided to cut all ties with him, to avoid any contact with him or making that fear a reality.

So yeah, that’s the story of Sean, the man i knew IRL that made this pic.