#i want to go home :( to pa :(
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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it’s supposed to snow and be gross all day tomorrow but i wanna go to the gym and thrift and go for a walk😭 i have a little bit of school work to catch up on and i wanna revise my notes for a test that’s coming up at the end of the month. but i wanna go outside first omg
#text#my sister bought a folding treadmill and i wanna see if she’ll let me use it if it’s too gross to go out tomorrow#but fr i haven’t been OUT of my house (aside from work) in almost a month. and im feeling it#if i get certified after this class. i could work remotely. and i WANT to but i also can’t be here all day#i’d be making more so i could afford to rent somewhere. renting in south jersey is fucking insane rn and i wouldn’t be able to afford it..#i don’t wanna necessarily move FAR away from home but i can’t afford anything at all in nj. and i don’t rly wanna live in philly#so i’ve been looking around in pa + delaware but if im moving kinda far away why not just move a couple states away where its a little less#expensive 😭#and ik once i move out ill want to try taking dating a little more seriously#the most realistic future: i wfh and continue to pay off student loans before moving out. and i feel insane and i have no privacy#and my anxiety doesn’t get that much better bc my house is chaotic + i don’t LEAVE for work and i don’t go out#my parents aren’t like. expecting me to move out anytime soon but i can’t stand living with three dogs. it’s so overwhelming all the time#i should save my money and not move out. but omg
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Let it be known that one of my absolute worst flaws is I am a huge, HUGE homebody... At 29 years old...
#personal#Rant in the tags but I just feel like letting this out...#I'm home for only the next eight hours and then I'm heading out for Pittsburgh.#And I'm already feeling like... homesick almost even though I'm still here in my house?#It's like... My body is SOO used to the normalcy of how I live that now that I'm breaking it I'm just NERVOUS.#I was so excited up until today when it went and hit me that it's tomorrow that my fight or flight kicked in.#It also doesn't help that I haven't left my area since the My Chem shows last September and that ended badly...#<- That's not to say I think this will but I just... have not gotten out since last year.#Like again I'm so used to my 'work go home eat sleep' routine that I literally won't let myself have fun LMAOO#And when I say 'let myself have fun' I mean travel to anywhere too far.#And I do want to reiterate that I live in PA. Like I live four hours away from Pitt and that's not even that bad...#I'm like such a recluse it's pathetic...#And my mom called me 30 minutes ago because her and her boyfriend are going on THEIR vacation next week to the beach and I literally just#like... started crying after she hung up from telling me to have fun this weekend.#Anyway it's the Mental Illness innit? Like there is something seriously wrong with me El-m-ayy-ooo
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y’know just as soon as i start getting comfortable with the idea of being open/relying on my dad and him being more comfortable with my choices than i feared, i can essentially throw all that out the window with how vehemently he yelled at me at the thought of my getting my septum pierced (even though i never said i was yet. i said my side before i decide anything else). also making underhanded remarks of me never getting tattoos other than the one for my mom. like okay don’t ask me why i don’t tell you about anything or talk to you or anything. what the fuck.
#‘i love you no matter what’ and ‘you’re an adult and as long as your choices make you happy’ out the window i guess.#are we too sober for those statements to apply all of a sudden?#and again i didn’t even say i was getting it any time soon. i said my sister wants to take me to get my first non-ear piercing.#she’s getting hers repierced & i want to get my side.#and then he started going off on me for it for no reason. and brought up the one tattoo i want to get for my mom.#and THEN made an off handed remark of a similar vein about dyed hair.#i hope he knows he’s literally the only reason i don’t have piercings or tattoos or dyed hair or like anything that lets me look how i wanna#like deadass. i know i’m your ‘baby.’ but can i please actually embrace myself. i don’t care if you don’t like alt culture. i do.#he would shun the girls i crush on fr like oh my god.#like if he knew what i really wanted to look like i think he’d disown me. won’t even have to bring up my funky relationship with gender.#literally as soon as i start thinking i can be open with this man he pulls this shit and then asks why i’m slowly getting more distant.#like wow it’s almost like i’ve been regulated and raised according to what you want and not what i want.#and you wonder why my sisters (especially my oldest who has a lot of piercings & tattoos like i want) aren’t close either? isn’t that wild?#how we never got much of a chance to explore this without reprimand until we were moved out? even as legal adults?#absolutely WILD correlation there i wonder if the causation lines up here pa. what the fuck.#anyway i’m gonna go now and not cry because my roommates are home but i’m gonna go sulk because i’m sick of this ✌️#oh wait convenient that the showdog poem went up tonight too isn’t that crazy. man calls himself out so hard lol#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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the number 13 is beginning to make me feel physically ill
#random thoughts#you should be over it. you should be fine. but no matter where you go it's there. they're there. your puppeteers#they were meant to leave you on stage. cut your strings. let you fall#AND THEY DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE SO CLEARLY STILL HERE. CALLING FOR HELP. CRYING#and yet you feel nothing. go ahead. type mindlessly. it's a cry for attention#i don't think i can stand this anymore. i can't do this. is this what pain is? can i learn to romanticize this#in any way before 13 my mind 13 we fall again. ? no ? vous n'êtes que des traitres#vous m'avez laissé à mourir. ici. pendant que vous vivez joyeusement#TOUT CE QUE TU LUI AS FAIT EST HORRIBLE. mon cher père je ne désire que ta profonde rage#mais c'est lui. alors pourquoi suis-je si 'traumatisé' ? si on peut utiliser ce mot#it's overused. cliché. people have turned it into an expression. there's nothing wrong with me. you're okay. the last#the last. the last fall away. you're never coming back. take me home take me home#not here. take me home. i want to see the moon and the stars again. i miss that#i miss what we had. i fuse my childhood homes into each other // until they are one in my mind. make it stop#JUST LEAVE. IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD. VOUS ÊTES OBSÉDÉ PAR LE NOMBRE TREIZE MAIS#C'EST UNE FAÇADE. CE N'EST PAS RÉEL. VOUS NE DITES PAS LA VÉRITÉ#sleep again. sleep now. sleep well#and love yourself bathed in the light of after-mornings. you wake so late now
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The problem you may face after getting better is that your brain starts thinking you’re pretty much out of the woods by now and so you start living as you used to and end up forcing a bit too much on the thing that was hurting so now it may have delayed the healing process instead ✌️
#but I couldn’t not go today I didn’t want to be the ungrateful bad daughter#I’ll take a painkiller once I’m home I guess#but yeah it does hurt again#ça va que l’aéroport n’est pas énorme non plus mais devoir faire ce chemin là en boitant c’était pas non plus évident#but still it wasn’t the greatest idea maybe I should have stayed home#I guess I will still be able to use my ‘i can’t walk much so I can’t do this’ privilege in the house for a few more days#even if it doesn’t always work anymore
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unrelated to alnst but i go home tomorrow…. sniffles….. i don’t want to go back…. at least my sister isn’t the one picking me up so i don’t have to fear for my life this time but…… i don’t want to go……
#ever since i started working remote i’ve had like zero voice to voice communication w people that aren’t my parents or customers#my coworkers do run calls in our work gc but ummmm. i’m really shy and also thats still work#i also still don’t drive bc of PA requiring your doctor to sign off on your permit form stalling me…#so i’m kind of trapped at home and spending a week hanging out w a friend and exploring their city (a city i am very fond of) has made me-#- feel more alive than i’ve felt in so long. i don’t want to go hoooome i don’t want to go back to being trapped in my house w my parents#and their constant right wing political podcast blaring i don’t want to go!!!!!!!!!#i am going to the farmers market next week at least bc i have off for black friday but >_<#i don’t want to leave .#bri.txt
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knowing I'm the one who has to make 100% of the effort in 100% of my familial relationships, I moved 2,000 miles away from then and still act shocked they haven't visited me at all
#my dad has actually never been to a single place ive lived as an adult fun fact#jeff and i lived in our state college apartment 3 hours away for 4 years and have lived in denver for 3 years#my dad has never once visited me in those 7 years#and never came to any of my college apartments in the 3 years prior#same with my cousin and aunt#my mom visited my state collegr apartment 3 times in 4 years (a 3 hr drive again)#and visited denver last summer and might come again in fall#but that's only 5 visits in 7 years...#and all of these people have the nerve to guilt me about not visiting more often#i would visit home like 6 times a year when i still lived in PA#and i go like twice a year now#so thats... 30 visits from me in the last 7 years#and i always have to squeeze all those people in and parents are divorced so there's always conflict#insane they all expect that of me and think i deserve nothing in return#which reminds me why i wanted to move so far away and feel less obligated to them#its not working >.<#i need to go to the mountains asap#t
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in a sort of situation you can be in only by working my specific job. i would be laughing if i wasn't overcome with the insatiable need to kms myself rn
#like. truly mortifying. and made 10000000x worse by my rsd too#i want to leave i want to leave i want to go home i want to leave i want to die i want to be anywhere else but here#one (1) moderate social faux pas feels like excruciating pain#and like. its not even truly my fault and i am doing my job. but also. killing me would be merciful#talk#text#mine#not nct#ignore.mel
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#yall im having a wild time lately#Saturday was really good- grandma is doing better so I ended up going to the beach for the day after all#had a really good day; I saw a bald eagle and dolphins + found a huge whelk and the bay sunset was beautiful#had the ride home from hell tho#took twice as long to get back because road work + detours + google maps fuckery while trying to find a gas station#we also almost hit a deer and like I live in PA who hasn’t almost hit a deer#but I have never been so close#he leaped out in front of us on the highway and froze#my husband was driving and omg reaction time#he slammed the brakes and I was like there’s no way#either we’re hitting the deer or the car behind us is hitting us or both#we stopped just a couple feet away from it#luckiest deer alive- he snapped out of it and looked at my husband then looked at me and then ran off#shoutout to the car behind us too- they swerved and did not hit us#but yeah he was a big buck and def would have not only totaled my car but gone through the windshield on the passenger side where I was#we got very lucky and so did he#but now I’m sick and I feel like crap#which perfect timing because we have a huge visit tomorrow and the stockroom is a mess#i was dying today cause I gotta lift all the furniture and shit#I literally came home and passed out for five hours and I still feel like I could just go right back to sleep#also I had a video interview last week and they said they wanted to bring me in for an in person interview#and like it’s at a really good company and it pays well and has good benefits#but now I havent heard back#so like watch me get ghosted again 🙃#I emailed them today so hopefully I hear back but I’m not holding my breath#I need everything to not be so much for a bit#Saturday was good but now things are crazy again
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This cough is such fucking BULLSHIT, i am goddamn tired of it BEYOND TIRED in fact.
I have coughed so hard that i have fully - FULLY - dislodged my menstrual cup.
Four times.
FOUR.
#like at this point i am regretting not having the PA take a look at me#but it wasn't this bad at work and i just wanted to go home#and then i had a coughing fit in the car so bad i nearly peed myself#and that“s....basically not stopped over the last two and a half hours#the husband is starting to make the side-eye of '....is this another 'no no i'm fine just could you find the nearest urgent care to BART'#i have taken mucinex. zyrtek. i just took some pepcid on the off chance that it is something like a gerd cough#even though i have no other heartburn symptoms and nothing changes how flat or upright i am#but we're at fuckit i'll try everything#tried opa's lemon honey hot water and whiskey then hopped in the bath and then shower#(don't do that. potential High for Bad Reactions. i am a dumbass driven batshit by coughing.)#finished shower still dying went downstairs made licorice mint tea and breathed the steam until drinkable#added a fuckton of honey and drank that#now i'm nursing a menthol ricola cough drop#and i have to spit it into my hand right before a coughing fit because on saturday i inhaled and swallowed one whole#and i viscerally remember that so strongly i am NOT doing that shit again#i have mostly not coughed while writing this#so either the meds are finally working or the coughdrop or tumblr shaming my cough is working#i do not give a flying upsidedown fuck which it is#as long as it STOPS
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one of the most evil parts about me being told that i needed to lose weight before i could get my diseased gallbladder removed was that without telling me at all whatsoever, the physician's assistant who was responsible for my surgery consult silently gave me a referral for bariatric weight loss surgery. she told me that i'd have to get my gallbladder removal surgery with that department as well because they're used to working on bigger bodies.
she told me this, but that's not what she meant. she wanted me to get bariatric weight loss surgery all because i told her that i have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and that it's hard for me to willingly lose weight. when i called the bariatric surgeons about scheduling my consult for my gallbladder removal, they were extremely confused and were like "well is this for the bariatric surgery referral or the gallbladder removal referral?"
without my permission, without me asking, the physician's assistant silently signed me up for weight loss surgery that i never consented to. i never once mentioned wanting this surgery. i never once mentioned that my weight is affecting my health or bothering me. this person saw this as a mandatory step in order to get the surgery to remove my diseased organ. as if there were no other options. i never want to get bariatric weight loss surgery because i know it will completely devastate my health. this PA was so stuck on my weight. she could not get over it, she was literally obsessed. she did not care about my health, safety or well being, she was just obsessed with her hatred of fat people
she saw my weight as a higher priority than my diseased gallbladder. she was so stuck up her own ass that she was convinced that my weight was doing more damage to me than my gallbladder was. she wanted to keep blaming me for eating a high fat diet (i'm a vegetarian- i don't eat a high fat diet) and mocking me for being fat. she literally saw me being fat as a bigger issue than the fact that i had a literal rock stuck in the neck of one of my organs. if you ask me, if the surgeons and anesthesiologists have problems working on fat patients, that's a skill issue on them. that means you're a bad surgeon or anesthesiologist and you need to try to improve your skills. this is a literal skill issue, it's not the patient's fault that the medical professional fucking sucks at their job!
i can't describe to you how evil and insidious that is. the fact that she looked at me and went "oh my fucking god it's your weight that's the problem just go lose weight you fat asshole" just showed how much disregard she has for her fat patients. it's like she relishes torturing us or leaving us to be sick or die. there's no reason to behave this way. there's no reason to FORCE someone into weight loss surgery. my health is NOT being negatively impacted by my weight- gallstones are not caused by being overweight, and you can't give yourself gallstones. no matter how much fat you eat you can't give yourself gallstones- this is something that happens outside of your control
i hate medical professionals who are proudly fatphobic. they wear the fact that they let people remain sick and die as a badge of honor. like they're doing the world a favor. like staying sick or dying is better off for the patient. like the patient somehow doesn't "DESERVE" to be in good health. fat people DO deserve to be in good health. we DON'T have to "EARN" surgeries or life saving procedures. we are alive and human just like everyone else. this qualifies us for being cared for medically, no matter what. leave your prejudices at home. you can't just kill fat people because you don't like that we exist.
#cripple punk#crip punk#cpunk#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronically chill#our writing#fatphobia#fat liberation#fat lib#about us
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i think itd be funny if the crew gets invited to a fancy shindig, a high society party, and Gao Xue goes 'okay, everyones got an outfit that works for this, and the general social positions to navigate this, EXCEPT for Zayvia Eskarra, so we need to buy them a nice outfit and teach them about social graces' and then Zayvia is literally the only member of the party who gets into 0 trouble throughout the evening despite not following all the rules Xue told them about.
#story blogging#zayvias in a corner making awkward but polite conversation with some rich guy#and when the guy makes a rude comment about them clearly not knowing anything about the area#rather than taking it as an insult Zayvia goes yeah! I don't! I was raised in a different system#and that instantly changes the convo because now everyone in that corner wants to hear about their home system#and now any social faux pas Zayvia makes are excused as a cultural difference. the poor gunner!#so it ends up being an evening of exchanging information about the two systems#and at some point someone comes up to Zayvia to ask about the crew possibly taking on a job for her#and they go 'You should probably ask my captain. She's ove-er... uh... wait where the fuck is she'#meanwhile Xue got into an argument with someone for opaque reasons and they've had to take it outside#and seward is out there trying to stop her from actually getting into a full on fight over it#gideon's straight up left already having stolen a bunch of alcohol and food because he was feeling disrespected#Jalen got lured off somewhere and is now attempting to extricate himself without insulting someone#and petra's merrily making out with someone behind the fountain out back and that definitely wont cause problems later#zayvia's fully just like ?? where the fuck did everyone go? hello?#or something like that. i know xue's definitely getting into a fight out front.#the downside of knowing the rules is that xue knows when someones insulting her. zayvia completely ignored it#someone makes a comment about them being uneducated and they go yeahhh didn't really get a lot of schooling in. yknow how it is
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Okay, but I seriously want to talk to somebody on Discord about Skyrim and the adverse effects dungeon crawling can have on the mind. Venturing deeper and deeper underground, constantly checking for any traps hidden beneath your feet, hiding from the walking dead while heavily injured, rationing your health potions, dealing with the Falmer, fighting giant spiders that quietly descend upon you from above, stumbling upon the remains of adventurers before you, dealing with the Falmer, listening to the echoing screams of Draugr while you try in vain to sleep, DEALING WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING FALMER!!!!
#➳ ❪ ooc ❫ … i am here / i am home ❞#I am currently suffering from nocturnal zoomies and this just popped up in my brain#being an adventurer is fucking dangerous and not for the faint of heart#going through dungeouns and knowing there are at least hundred ways you'll die down there#but doing it anyway because you need the money and swinging a sword is the only thing you're good at#but the further you venture underground the more you began to wonder if this gig is really for you#that maybe just maybe you're in over your head and should have gone to the college like your ma and pa wanted you to#and when the giant spiders come at you from all sides you'll know that your parents were right
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˚ · . Nothing fucks with my baby, ˚ · .
You are Hugh's young controversial girlfriend
[FINALLY! it's here, I have kept you all waiting, I hope I haven't disappointed! I said in the other posts that I wasn't gonna do much smut but I think I went more than even I thought. Got me blushing and kicking my feet. I hope you enjoy, I'm still riding this Hugh train (want to be riding him) who said that?]
warnings: older man! younger reader! fem!reader. Not proof read. Smut! Penetration, riding, oral (both receiving) praise kink,
Only a bed separated you and Hugh.
"Ok, so we're gonna pick it up from where we left it last time," said the director. "Get ready."
Hugh was in black clad trousers, shirtless, 'sweat' that was really water sprayed. His hair was already messy, perfectly so as if you'd been running your hands through it.
You still had a robe on, your makeup artist touching the highlight to be 'sweat' while Hugh watches every sway of the brush on your cheeks.
The scene was this: Hugh's character seduces yours. Well, there was seduction on both ends, characters or not. It was the first kiss, the first sex scene, the first true intimacy between your two characters. It was hot, heavy, sensual and loving. It was supposed to be all gripping hands and racing pulses, moving bodes and fumbling lips.
But it was the first kiss scene you'd share with Hugh. There'd be plenty more to come, but the director thought it would capture the true emotions of your characters to get it first try.
"Yummy," whispered your makeup artist in your ear as she leant over, slowly un-doing the ties of your robe.
"Play nice," you mutter to her.
"You don't," she winked before parting with your robe, leaving you in your silk nightgown that fell mid-thigh.
Hugh gulped, his eyes raking over you as you smiled. Your nerves were sky high, but Hugh seemed already in character.
He played the groundskeeper in 1930's Britain, best friend of your 'father', playing blackmail and seducing his daughter. You. And boy was it easy for Hugh Jackman to seduce you.
The cast and crew had been great at making the both of you comfortable and you'd all been for dinners, lunch's, cast parties, yoga sessions. They'd done everything to make it comfortable. And it had worked. You and Hugh got on like a house on fire, always around, always laughing. But there were the lingering looks once the laughter died, or the 'goodnights' that lasted longer than appropriate, and the touches, the constant excuse for it.
Maybe it was because you were young, alluring to a man not long divorced from an almost thirty year marriage. Maybe it was because he was everything you ever wanted, but you had a feeling lines were going to be crossed. The pit in your stomach was either dread... or desire.
"Right, all set?" the director asked.
Hugh smiled, patted his thighs and nodded.
You flashed a smile too but wiped your palms down your dress, un-knowingly shuffling it on your chest.
Hugh caught the movement and gulped. He was screwed.
"Action!"
You watched as Hugh, in character, stalked toward you. As scripted, you took a step back, hitting the bedpost but kept his gaze. You were a headstrong character, and you could do that, even if your knees felt weak.
"You er, get dressed for me, pretty girl?" he asked. He slipped his fingers through the strap, fingers caressing your skin.
Your shiver wasn't scripted and as Hugh's eyes flickered to your own, you wondered if he knew that. "You should go."
"Your pa's not home."
"My mother is," you whispered, standing taller on the bed post as if you weren't afraid.
He smirked and dragged the strap down until he could see your bare shoulder. His eyes flickered back up to yours. "Wendy's a nice woman. She doesn't expect much."
A furrow in your brows, as planned. "How dare you-"
Hugh kissed you with such force your head came back to hit the bedpost but his hand was already cupping the back of your head, easing the thump as he pressed you against it.
It wasn't scripted.
His lips were as soft as they looked, mixed with the gruffness of his stubbly beard that dragged over your chin as he dived into you like a man starved of breath. You obeyed his every move, every tilt of his head you followed.
His teeth sunk into your lip and your gasped. His tongue dipped in, meeting yours gently asking for permission.
You grabbed his cheeks, drawing back enough to get a look at him. There was a wild frenzy in his eyes causing them to go darker, but beneath that you saw his concern, his worry that he'd gone to far.
Whether this was acting or not, you didn't care.
You drew him back in, lips smacking as passion pulled both your strings. He groaned as you obeyed him, body flattening against yours.
His hands raked down your shoulders, taking the straps with you as you gasp and shiver. The gown wasn't supposed to come off but at that rate, you didn't care if it slipped a little. Hugh's hands moved down your sides, to your hips, gripping the material and bunching it.
"You," he gasped against your lips.
He met your gaze and you smirked, challenging him. Luckily, it could all work in character.
You had no knickers or anything on. It was all to easy to see the line in the dress if you did.
Hugh groaned and brought your head back to his, tongue wasting no time in sweeping into your mouth, tasting every corner and marking it as your own.
He spun you around until he was against the bed, his knees buckling and falling, you in his lap.
He groaned into your mouth, loud enough for the microphone above you to hear. Your lips paused on his, hands crawling into his hair as you felt it.
He was hard, so incredibly hard.
Hugh's eyes were scrunched shut as you backed away a fraction, his tongue licking at his lips for a taste of you. Your hair was starting to stick to your head from real sweat.
His trousers were pulled over his crotch, highlighting the size of him as your mouth watered and your thighs tightened on him. His gaze was hooded as he watched you in silent awe.
You bit down on your bottom lip as you pressed yourself against him, feeling every ridge through the tiny fabric of your nightgown. God, he couple feel every warmth of you. How much you wanted him.
He pecked your lips and brought your bottom lip out with his teeth. From the cameras and the lights and the amount of people in the room, the sweat on the two of you started to be real, mixed with your pants and soft moans that weren't necessary for the scene but needed to pass between the two of you.
Your fingers dug into the back of his shoulders as your rocked yourself onto him, grinding onto his clothed crotch to feel something.
Hugh kept one hand on the back of your neck, occasionally drifting into your hair and tugging with every rock of your hips.
You wondered if the director would ever call cut and you hoped he never would. If it all ended here. Your only consoling thought was the amount of intimacy scene's you and Hugh would have to share together.
He grabbed you and rolled you over as planned until you were flat, chest heaving with breaths and he was kneeling over you. His hands went to his belt, twiddling to undo it.
In a frenzy of passion, your hands reached out to help, grazing his bulge. He watched you as he finally un did the belt and your nails scraped down his thighs.
Hugh loomed over you, grinding down into your cunt until he could feel how wet you were, his lips coming to your shoulder. He didn't have to bite, but he seemed satisfied with it.
"Cut!" called the director.
Your hands halted where they were in his hair and Hugh fell against you, caging you to the bed as you both panted.
"Well done, guys, that was great, you got it over and done with. Now for the rest of them, but that'll come gradual," said the director as both Hugh's and your team came to the bed.
Still, neither of you moved.
"Gradual, yeah," you panted, your hands still stroking back Hugh's hair until you realised what you were doing.
Hugh kissed your shoulder once before rolling from you and taking the robe offered to him. You took things slower, knees weak at just the memory of him.
You took the robe and wrapped yourself up.
Hugh glanced back at you, not once, twice.
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You’d thought about it all day. Even as you half-heartedly did the rest of the scenes for the day. Your head was only half on set, the other half focused on the feel of Hugh under you.
In your trailer that night you played your music, gripping your hair in one hand and riding your hand with the other, trying to re-make the magic of feeling him under you.
God, how wrong it was. He was your costar. Old enough to be your father and your celebrity crush for god knows how long. You couldn’t be with him even if you wanted to, he’d probably leave the project if he knew how you’d watched every semi pornographic scene with him in it just to get yourself off.
The knock on your trailer altered you.
Quickly you pushed yourself from bed and wiped your fingers on your shorts, rushing to answer the door.
Hugh’s hands were braced on either side of your trailer door, panting as if he’d ran a matharon before turning up at your step.
“Hugh,” you smiled, desperate to act casual. “What’s up?”
He sighed, staring at you dreamily. He didn’t wait for an invite in. “I thought we could practice, some more.”
You looked up at him. You must have looked a mess, flushed cheeks and devilish hair, but he didn’t look much better. He was in a casual top, black sweatpants low on his v-line.
Daring to peak, you could see the indent. He was still hard.
Your thighs clenched in together from the overwhelming heat. “Yeah, of course.”
You sat next to Hugh on the sofa where you’d left your last script. Your thigh against his, his finger grazing your knee.
You cleared your throat, trying to read when all you could do was bask in every little touch from him.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” said Hugh. His eyes were on you, script forgotten.
Glancing from him to the script, you flicked a page. “I don’t- where does it say-”
With a rough hand, he tilted your jaw to him until your lips were a hairs breath away. His tongue flicked out, darting over your lips, begging. “Honey, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
You gulped, mouth opening for breath or for him, you couldn’t tell which was more important. A hand crept up to cradle the back of his head. “I can’t tell if we’re practicing or not, Hugh.”
His head rested against yours as he moved it side to side. “Whatever gets you to fall in love with me.”
His eyes met yours.
“As if you even have to try.”
Your lips were soft and mouth wide as you received him, tongue gracing his mouth as he grabbed your hips to pull you on top of him, the script crinkling between the two of you. Your hands were in his hair, grown longer for the part, then raking down his neck then over his shirt until you were gripping it in your hands, pulling him closer to you while you lost air.
Hugh pulled back enough to kiss your jaw, biting at the skin.
“Is this-“ you gasped, holding onto his shoulders. Your thoughts weren’t working, nothing was. All you could think was him, his hands on your hips.
Hugh's lips reluctantly dragged away from your skin, as if he'd die to be parted. "Is it what baby?" when he saw your concern, his desire dimmed. All he wanted was for you to be alright. "Tell me," he brushed back your hair, thumb pulling down your bottom lip, after all, he still needed you like you might die tomorrow.
You sat back on his lap, trying to distract yourself from the dampness in your pants. "Is this real?"
"Doesn't it feel real to you?" he laughed, rocking himself into you.
"Is this Hugh?" you whispered, "or just your character."
His eyes softened. Hugh cradled your cheeks, holding you to look at him. "This is me and you, honey. I-I know this all seems sudden, and we can stop if you want-"
"I'm not saying that," you quickly cut him off as he chuckles, pressing a kiss to your neck. You wanted him, even if it meant heartbreak for you later.
He pulled back and looked up at you. "This is me wanting you. As y/n. As whatever you will give me. As my love, as my baby. As- as everything i've been thinking about for months. As everything I've been waiting for, baby," his thumb smoothed over your cheekbones as you nuzzled into his palms. "If i've made you feel like i'm using you i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, but this is real to me."
You glance up at him. Your lips press a kiss into his palm as you hold his hand to you. "Good," you mutter. You adjust yourself, settling down on his lap again until his clothed erection is begging for your wetness. "Because this is real to me too."
Hugh growled and kissed you, all tongue and teeth as he sort to get every piece of you in one. His arms, strong and large, wrapped around your back and held you into him until even when you pulled away to breathe, your breath was full of him.
With his strength, he pushed you down on your sofa, throwing the script behind him and pulling your legs until they were thrown on either side of his hips. He was lucky you were still in costume, your dress riding up to reveal your white panties, with a damp spot.
Hugh lied down, looking at your pussy as his one hand held down your hips, the other crawling up your chest to squeeze your breasts. "This real? This all for me, honey?"
"Yes," you gasp, running your hands through his hair as his salt and pepper beard scraped your thighs.
"You want me?"
"Yes, Hugh."
"How badly?"
"So, so badly," you whisper, eyes shut as his breath fans where you need him most. "Please baby, please."
He kissed over your panties. "So polite, honey. So good for me." He licked a stripe up, letting his tongue swirl over your clit.
Your back arches. As he repeated the motion before hooking his fingers through the band and slowly- agonisingly slowly- pulling down your panties and the scrunching them up in his hand.
He moaned at the sight of you dripping before him. How he had you panting by the smallest touches. You were his to touch. To ruin. To taint with him and only him. "Thought about this cunt of yours more than should be allowed."
You chuckle, propping yourself up to indulge in the sinful image of him between your thighs. "Yeah? Thought about it too."
"Tell me," he said. His eyes were on yours as he peppered kisses on the inside of your thighs, fingers indented into your flesh.
You moan, eyes fluttering shut. You think of every crude images you'd conjured in your mind. Him suffocating between your thighs, you sitting on his face, riding that perfect arched nose. Your mouth stuffed with his cock as he eats you out. Riding him. Up against a wall. Every filthy thing, you wanted to do with him. "Thought about your tongue, your cock, fingers, nose."
He laughed, glancing up at you. "My nose, huh?"
You chuckle with him, falling back and throwing your arms over your face. The laughter catches in your throat when you feel his tongue dive into your folds, the warmth spreading. You moan, legs going to close if it weren't for Hugh tapping them.
"Keep them open baby," his voice was rough in demand as he focused on you. On tasting you, on spreading your folds with his fingers- sliding them in and out to get a feel, as he shoved his tongue in depths you didn't know he could.
You bite down on the back of your hand, but your cry is barley muffled. "Fuck, baby."
Hugh eats you like he's starved man. He moans into your cunt, sending vibrations through your body that he receive gladly. It goes through him like you're one person. He finds himself grinding down on the sofa like a teenage boy. That's what you're doing to him, making him focus on you and not cumming before stuffing you with him.
"Hugh, I'm-" you mutter all too quickly.
"God, can't wait to taste you cum on my tongue, honey," he said. "You want my nose huh?" He stuffs his face into your pussy, tongue flicking up and down your folds as he nudges his nose on your clit repeatedly until he has your thighs shaking.
"Hugh!" you moan, holding onto his shoulder to stabilise yourself.
Hugh slides his fingers into you, using your wetness to his advantage as he continues to work you with his tongue. He slobbers, spitting down your folds and fingers as he works it into you, groaning at the sight. "Can't wait to feel this around me. God, I wanted you on my cock so bad, with the camera's watching, with the crew. Want them all to know an old man like me can have you falling in love."
"Always," you gasp, focusing on the warmth in your stomach and Hugh's fingers curling inside of you. "Want you to take me. Use me. Have me."
Hugh flattens himself against your sofa, groaning, eyes rolling in the back of his head like it's your mouth warm against is cock. He grips your hand that was on his shoulder and holds it until his fingers bleach white from the grip. He rests it on your sternum, looking up at you.
Wisps of your hair stick to your forehead, your chest spilling out the dress and rising and falling as your body trembles. You hold his hand just as tight, if not, tighter.
"Cum on my lips baby, please," he begged. "Want to taste you. Want to make you cum."
It took little more encouragement from you before you came on his tongue, gasping and grasping as you did. Hugh ate it up, licking the mess from your pussy and your lips. It has him quivering and knowing he'll need this taste every day just to keep him sane.
"Hugh?"
He glances back up at you. Your pink cheeks and wide eyes. He grins, licking his lips and wiping your juice from the corner of his lips and licking it from his fingers as he crawls back over you. He nudges his nose against yours and grins at your smile. "That was amazing."
"You're saying it like you just had the best orgasm of your life," you laugh.
His brows rose. "Best orgasm of your life, huh? I can give you plenty more where that came from?"
You smirk, running your hand from his chest to between his legs, rubbing your hand over his dick that trembles at your touch. Satisfaction gnaws at you as you watch his eyes shut and jaw clench.
"Baby, almost had me cumming in my pants like a teenager," he chuckled, shakily.
You tut, sitting up to have better access to his lap. "Can't be having that."
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That's how the rest of the months of filming were spent.
At first, the two of you agreed to take it slow. Little dinner dates, grabbing coffee together and walks in the local parks. Luckily it was known you were filming together and the paps weren't too fussed.
You tried to take it slow, but the sex was anything but.
In the mornings when you were inevitably in the make up chair first thing- as the star of the movie- Hugh would join you, passing you your coffee order and breakfast before taking a seat next to you and chatting away with you and the make-up artists. Even if he wasn't shooting that day, he was there. On the dot. Every day.
Your team of people smirked knowingly even if neither of you confirmed it. But the stolen stares and kind offerings were enough. Surprisingly, nobody warned him about being with one so young and neither you him much older as he was.
Because everyone knew it was true, real love. Because first, it came from friendship.
He helped you with scenes when you asked, helping the emotions play out. Even you gave him new perspectives of looking and taking om scenes. It was refreshing. Life with you was refreshing.
The more intimate scene's became harder, oddly enough. Because you'd get to into it, the director yelling cut several times to tear your bodies from each other. Then, when you were alone at night, you jumped on Hugh, climbing him like a tree.
Sometimes you couldn't wait till night and dragged him into your dressing room, sliding down to your knees and un-doing his belt.
"Eager?" he'd tease.
You wouldn't justify him with an answer. Your hands messaging his balls and tongue licking up his cock until you had him down your throat or stuffed in your cheeks was enough for him.
At the end, you had to stop reading scripts with Hugh as his glasses perched on his nose was too much for you.
Enough times he knew that and would eat you out wearing them. And only them. You'd watch the lenses steam up as he licked and moaned in you until you were cumming over his chin, sometimes landing on his glasses.
"Honey, you're too much," he grinned and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
Dinner nights after long days always ended up with your foot gently trailing up his leg in his dress pants, his hand gripping your ankle as it inched closer to his cock, finger running circles.
Hugh would have to park in the dark and pull you onto his cock, ruining your dazzling dress and tearing the seams of his trousers to have his cock free and nuzzled into you.
One of your breasts was in his mouth as you rode him, his arm wrapped around your waist and helping you move. His cock warm and throbbing inside of you.
"Oh baby," he moaned around your breast, teeth pinching at your nipple. "Grip me like a dream."
His hand gripped your ass, pushing you and pushing you, throwing his head back and groaning out as the car rocked form your hard movements. It didn't matter how many times either of you had each other, it was a constant need never satisfied. You breathed new life into him and he wanted to use it all on you.
"Hugh, I need you!" you whined out even as his cock was deep in you.
But he got it. Because it wasn't enough for him. "I know, baby, I know!" he lurched forward and kissed you as you grabbed his cheek, keeping him there. Your tongues fought as you tried to catch your breath, bouncing on his cock. He growled. You whimpered.
"Fuck me, Hugh," you told him, biting down on his earlobe as you cuddled into him, bouncing on his dick as fast as you could to reach your third high that night.
"Shit, just there- right there!" he held your hips down as his cum spluttered into you, him growling and moaning out your name like prayer. Nobody in the world had been so devoted to something like Hugh was to you.
And the balance was perfect. The next night Hugh would join you in your trailer- where most your times were spent. You were curled into his side as he was shirtless, reading. Those annoyingly attractive glasses still there as he laughed at some parts of the book and you'd ask what it had said and he'd explain it to you while his fingers twirled strands of your hair.
The next day you'd be attached to him all day, lips forming as one as the camera rolled and the director gave you pointers. It was a scene of the two of you in the garden. Both indecent (although of course following Hollywood guidelines) Hugh didn't even let you up from his lap, instead holding you there as you both acted professional and took the director's words. You could fuck him, love him and work with him all you needed.
That night, Hugh would have you on the floor of his trailer, the two of you hardly making it through the door before he had his cock in your mouth, stirring you with his hands in your hair.
"Did so good today, my good girl, working so hard for everyone," he groaned as you chocked around his cock.
You took him deep and took him out, spitting over his cock and working him with your hand. "So big," you mumbled, drunk on having him. You sucked one of his balls into your mouth, devoting attention to both of them.
"Oh, fuck, y/n, you're gonna be the death of me. God, I just know you wanted to ride me with everyone watching, could feel how wet you were."
You take his cum down your throat, licking every last drop before you both fall asleep in his bed to film together the next day.
You both walk on set, laughing, smiling, with coffee in hands and every on set watches and smirks cause they know. Maybe they don't know all the filthy things you get up to, but they can see it's more than just another hollywood controversial talk.
But Hugh is in love with you.
taglist (thank you!): @oatmilkriver, @angstdaddy, @chronicallybubbly, @white-wolf-buckaroo, @th3mrskory, @wolfyychan, @chaimshelii, @wolviesgirl, @haytchee, @aoi-targaryen, @apizzacalledmel, @corvusmorte, @slut4you, @ellak69, (how you're only just on the taglist no idea babe), @wolverigrl
#hugh jackman#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett#wolverine#deadpool#logan howlett x reader#x men#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x you#wolverine x you#logan x you#logan smut#logan howlett smut#hugh jackman x femreader#hugh jackman x y/n#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman smut
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pointe shoes and racecars- o.piastri
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summary: you and oscar had grown up together, and grown apart. now you're teaching him ballet for a mclaren video. will you two reconnect?
pairing: oscar piastr x fem! ballerina! dancer
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Oscar Piastri was your best friend’s older brother, what could go wrong?
You’d moved to Melbourne when you were a kid with the rest of your family, and your brother quickly started karting at a local track. In comes the Piastri’s. You were sitting on the sidelines, bored out of your mind when a little girl a bit older than you came up to you with another girl, about your age, and another little girl, much younger than all three of you.
“Which one’s yours?” The eldest asked.
“The one in the red kart, my brother. You?”
“The one in the fluro yellow. He’s our brother,” she explained. “I’m Hattie, that’s Addie, and that’s Mae. Wanna be friends?”
You nodded. “Yeah! I’m Y/n.”
And since that day, you were. Turns out you and Addie ended up in the same class in school and became fast friends, then you ended up in the same ballet class, and it all snowballed from there. Playdates became hangouts and dolls became bitch-sessions, and soon enough you were all grown up. You were a constant in the Piastri family home, sleeping over most nights to carpool to early ballet, then school, then back to ballet, and then back to the Piastri home. You watched every race with the girls, growing up alongside Oscar and your brother from the beginning. You watched both of them in Formula Renault, Formula 3, Formula 2, and finally, Oscar’s second year Formula 1 was coming up, while you brother (Jack) was staying yet another year in F2. It was funny, whenever Oscar was home in recent years, you always seemed to miss him. You didn’t mind. Oscar and you weren’t all that close, you were closest to Addie, Hattie, Mae, and Nicole. Though, he texted you when he was away and you responded, apologising for missing him, he always told you that he’d ‘see you on the stage one day anyway’. He’d always supported you. You’d always supported him.
Sadly, your time living with the Piastri’s had come to an end. You had been given the chance of a lifetime in the form of a full scholarship to the Paris Opera Ballet School, and you weren’t going to turn it down, much to Nicole’s dismay. That was two years ago. Two full years of living in Paris, down.
Paris was amazing. You missed your family and you missed everyone back in Melbourne, but you loved it in Paris. Your new fellow dancers were so welcoming and nice, and you’d made fast friends with a group of them. You’d been doing French in school since you were a kid, and you loved getting to speak it with native speakers. You’d even been named an Etoile (star) in your first year. You’d helped the Paris Opera Ballet with their online presence and started a YouTube channel with some of your fellow dancers which had garnered over 4 million subscribers. Everything was brilliant.
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“Alright everyone, gather around!” Carole called. “We have been invited to the McLaren garage this weekend for the Monaco Gran Prix,” she explained. “We will be attempting to teach some of the staff some of Balcony Pas de deux from ‘Romeo and Juliet’, and also having a photo shoot with Vogue while we are there. Y/n and Hugo, I want those lifts as clean as possible! Chop chop!”
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The week went by and finally you were walking into the McLaren motorhome behind one of the staff members who was showing you around. In the end only 3 people from the company were required to go, Hugo (Romeo), Laura (one of the company's pianists), and you (Juliet). You walked around, keeping an eye out for Oscar, or the rest of the Piastri family who had all told you they’d be visiting.
You were quickly ushered into a makeshift filming studio and told to warm up while they gathered the people you’d be doing the video with you. You chatted and warmed up, trying a few of the lifts from the show and just generally practising your moves.
The door swung open and there he was. Oscar with a grim look on his face who hadn’t even recognised you.
“Do we really have to do this?” he not-so-subtly asked Lando beside him.
“Mate I don’t want to do it either-”
“Y/N!” Nicole’s voice cut through all the noise of the motorhome and the piano stopped. She ran and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug as you laughed.
“Hi Nicole,” you beamed, hugging her back. Hattie, Addie, and Mae weren’t far behind her, and joined in on the hug, emotions flowing as you all started to catch up.
“How are you? How’s work? How’s Paris?” Hattie asked immediately.
“How’s Paris? Is it amazing? Can I visit sometime?” Mae asked, speaking over her sister.
“How are you?!” Addie squealed, taking your hands.
“I’m great, so happy to see the four of you,” you smiled but it dampened as Hugo reminded you of the job at hand. “Sorry guys, we’ll need to catch up later, the fun police has just-”
“Quoi? Je ne suis pas la « police du plaisir » ! Nous avons un travail à faire !” (What? I am not the 'fun police'! We have a job to do!) He defended, but by then the girls had already cleared out, and you’d already turned your attention to Oscar and Lando.
“Hi,” you smiled at Oscar.
“Hi,” he smiled back, a hint of blush on his cheek. “I almost didn’t recognise you.”
“I could say the same for you,” you chuckled. “Became a Formula 1 driver and forgot about your friends, huh?”
He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Don’t even.”
“Ready for some ballet?” Hugo smiled at the two men, who both just grimaced.
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You started warming them up, learning quickly that while Lando was not flexible, Oscar was even worse.
“And go down further if you can,” you instructed, pushing down on Oscar’s shoulders.
“Bug, I can’t go any further,” he chuckled.
“Bug?” Hugo questioned.
“Childhood nickname,” you dismissed. “Don’t start using it.”
Hugo nodded, holding his hands up in surrender. “Noted.”
“Holy shit, you’re ‘Bug’?” Lando gasped. “He talks about you all the time!”
You chuckled as Oscar’s cheeks went a brilliant shade of pink. “Sure Lando, I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“Alright!” Hugo announced. “Let’s start on some variations!”
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The boys watched in horror as you and Hugo danced around the room. Balcony Pas de deux, your favourite number of the entire show. You did everything perfectly, Hugo did everything perfectly, but when you two danced, sometimes there was something missing. You usually thought that it was just a lack of romantic chemistry because you were such great friends, or maybe it was something else. Lando and Oscar applauded as you two finished your piece, then you turned to them, smiling.
“I have to lift him?!” Lando stressed. You laughed with Hugo.
“No, you’ll be lifting me,” you explained. “Hugo’s going to teach you the moves and you’ll just need to lift me. You don’t even have to go on pointe. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
The boys stayed unconvinced. You’d picked an easy enough professional routine and you were sure they'd get it eventually. You started with teaching them how to properly lift someone so they wouldn’t get hurt, and they wouldn’t drop you. Unsurprisingly, Oscar was very good at this, you remembered how Addie and you would force him to practice lifts with you in the confines of the Piastri family home, and shockingly, the muscle memory was still there after so many years. So, you moved onto teaching him the moves for the first 20ish seconds of the dance. And unsurprisingly, he was very good at the lifts, not so good at the dancing. He couldn’t get his back leg low enough, or he couldn’t extend his arm enough, but you barely noticed. You were having too much fun to notice. You realised you’d been missing fun when dancing with Hugo. Juliet was this spontaneous, youthful character who was full of love and a craving to be loved. Oscar brought out that fun side of you. He always had. You laughed and smiled as you both danced, laughing when he’d trip or almost drop you, but neither of you cared. You moved on and taught him up to about the one minute mark in the piece. There was a lot of repetition and not a lot of male dancing in the first 60 seconds, so he was practically in the clear, all he had to do was smile and lift you. And he did. There wasn’t a moment where either of you weren’t smiling. He looked a bit uncoordinated and you looked thousands of times better than him, but you two were both smiling like little kids.
His hand slipped and he almost dropped you to the floor, concern and shock plastering itself on his face as he scrambled to catch you. “Shit, are you alright?” he asked, somehow catching you by pulling you to his chest.
“I’m fine Osc, no bruised sternums here,” you chuckled. He laughed, reminded of a crash you had in karting as a child.
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As the session came to a close, you did the first minute of the dance with Oscar and with Lando and determined that while Oscar was better at the lifts, Lando wasn’t half-bad either.
“Alright everyone, thanks for tuning in and tell us if you want to see us attempt this again!” Lando smiled at the camera.
“I have no idea how you do that every night,” Oscar sighed, clearly tired and out of breath.
“Sometimes twice a night,” Hugo corrected. “And yes, it is tiring.”
“I don’t know how you sit in a boiling car going 300 kilometres per hour for ninety minutes every Sunday,” you smiled.
“It is tiring,” he shrugged, smiling. “Do you want to grab lunch?”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” you nodded. “Let me just grab my stuff.”
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Catching up with Oscar felt great. You didn’t realise how much you two had in common. From movies, to books, and everything in between. You were even too busy laughing to hear Hugo call you to join him for the Vogue shoot.
“Y/n!” He repeated, gathering others' attention. “Come on! We are being timed here!”
“Coming!” you called back. “Sorry, I completely forgot about the time. Good luck in free practice today, please don't get yourself injured,” you said, pulling him into a hug. “Love you Osc!”
“Good luck!” He called after you. “Love you too Bug!”
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“Childhood crush?” Hugo asked as you two relaxed after the shoot, exhausted after your day.
“Nah, best friend’s brother,” you explained.
“Oh, so even more of a rom com then,” he chuckled.
You scoffed. “No. We’re friends, that’s it.”
“Friends? Friends don’t look at you like you’re the only person in the room, friends don’t somehow laugh their whole way through the first 60 seconds of Balcony Pas de deux, friends don’t make puppy dog eyes at you, and still call you by your childhood nickname!” He laughed. You groaned.
“We’re not like that! He’s just… he’s intense with his eye contact-!”
“He wasn’t intense like that for me!”
“I don’t know what to tell you!” You finally gave up. “Come on! There’s no way he-”
“Bug?” Oscar popped his head in the door, sweaty and smiling. “How’d it go?”
“All good,” you nodded. “How did Free Practice go?”
“Good,” he nodded, out of breath. “Went fastest in sector 2.”
“Very impressive!” Hugo smiled, pretending to know what that meant. You chuckled.
“I was wondering if you wanted to stay for the rest of the weekend,” Oscar offered. “Both of you, of course,” he gestured to you and Hugo. “I know you're busy but my mum would kill me if I didn't ask.”
You smiled. Someone else could cover Juliet for one weekend, right? “Yeah, that’d be great.”
“I’d better get back to Paris, but thank you for the kind offer,” Hugo smiled.
“Cool,” Oscar smiled at the both of you. “Addie has offered her room if you want to share with her, but there’s also my apartment, if you want your own bed.”
“My own bed please, Addie kicks in her sleep,” you chuckled. “Thanks Osc.”
“No problem.”
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You said your goodbyes to Hugo and followed the Piastri’s around Monaco for the rest of the day. You saw some of the sights, but eventually ended up in some fancy dinner with good food and good people around you. You were laughing at anyone’s jokes, telling stories, and genuinely just enjoying yourself. Paris had many things, but it didn’t have the Piastri’s. Sometimes you wished you could just shrink them and put them in your pocket to have them with you at all times.
“So, how’s Paris?” Oscar asked as the night died down. You two were on your way back to his apartment and you were a little bit wine-drunk, but neither of you cared.
“It’s amazing, but it doesn’t have you guys,” you patted his shoulder. “I miss you guys like crazy.”
He smiled. “I miss you too.”
“How’s Monaco? It’s so funny that we’ve lived an hour plane ride away from each other and we still haven’t visited each other,” you chuckled.
“Monaco’s nice,” he nodded. “But it doesn’t have you here.”
Suddenly you were a lot more sober than you were 5 seconds ago. “Well, I’m here right now.”
“Exactly,” he smiled. “It’s really good to see you Bug.”
“It’s good to see you too,” you smiled. “Beetle.”
He laughed as you brought up his old nickname. Most people resorted to calling him ‘Osc’ or ‘Ozzy’ now that he’d grown up. He thinks his mum stopped calling him ‘Beetle’ when she visited him at school or races because you weren’t around to be ‘Bug’. Neither of you remembered why it had started, but you and Oscar were Bug and Beetle. It probably would’ve made more sense to have Addie as Beetle, with how much time you two spent together, but in reality it was just both your mums’ collective hopeful thinking that your friendship would turn into something much more. It might’ve, if you’d both stuck around long enough to see it through. Some part of him wondered how his life would’ve turned out if he’d stayed. Not that he didn’t love his life, he did. He was everything he’d ever dreamed of (well, not a Gran Prix winner yet so, not everything), well, everything but one thing. He didn’t realise it at the time, but in every single one of his visualisations of his future that he did as a child (something about a winner’s mentality? He didn’t understand it at the time), he’d imagined you being there with him. He never explicitly said it, but you were either his girlfriend or wife, or something other than a friend. It had always been a certain to him. You were his Bug. He was your Beetle. It just worked.
“What’re you thinking about?” you asked, leaning into him as the street lights illuminated his face. Since when was he so pretty?
“Us as kids,” he smiled. “Remember trying to teach you karting?”
“You mean bruising my sternum? Yes I remember the month of agony thank you very much,” you chuckled. “And I remember how stressed you were running over to me. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen you lose your cool.”
“Well I was about as stressed then as I was today when I almost dropped you,” he laughed.
“Well, you saved me this time,” you chuckled. “My knight in a shining papaya?”
He laughed. “Sounds about right.”
As you two came up to his apartment building, your conversation died down. You two went up to his apartment and he gave you the grand tour, finally showing you your bed for the nights. You said your ‘goodnights’ and then a problem plagued you. It was just meant to be a day trip to Monaco, you were meant to fly back earlier, and now here you were in Monaco with just your dance bag. What was in your dance bag? Your various shoes, a multitude of toe pads and things to stop the pain, three different water bottles, and some random leotards and a skirt.
“Osc?” you knocked on his door, hoping he wasn’t asleep already.
“Yeah?” he came to the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Of course, classic Oscar, asleep in seconds. “Everything alright?” He yawned.
No. Everything was very much not alright. He’d come to the door with no shirt on, and you really couldn’t focus on the problem at hand. “I have no clothes,” you blurted out.
He immediately opened his eyes and stared at you, then his brain processed fully what you said. “Oh, no pyjamas,” he nodded. “Sorry, I thought you meant- I’m actually just going to stop myself now.”
You chuckled. “Probably best.”
“Well I’ll give you a hoodie and some of my shorts?” he offered. “Just to sleep in, and then I can bring you to the shopping centre down the way. I think there’s a Zara there or something.”
“You really don’t need to bring me, I’m sure I can find it on my own. I’m sure you’re busy tomorrow-”
“Nonsense,” he shook his head, handing over the clothes. “I have time for you.”
“Thanks Osc.”
You went to sleep with significantly more to think about, so did he.
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You woke up the next morning to the sound of a smoke alarm, a shouting Nicole, and a cursing Oscar. You quickly got up to witness the commotion.
“Y/n! Thank God you’re here!” She groaned and turned to Oscar. “I cannot believe you live on your own, you’re 23 and you can’t make eggs without almost burning your building down?!”
“It wasn;t my fault!” he defended. “You’re the one who came to the door!”
Nicole rolled her eyes as the girls laughed, watching this all unfold. Addie came over and stood beside you, smiling brightly at you.
“What?” you chuckled.
“Nothing,” she smirked. “Nice hoodie.”
Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “I had no other clothes,” you explained as the arguing continued.
“Not a fan of sleeping in a leo?” she smirked.
“Shockingly no, and also, we have to go shopping for clothes now, since all of mine are in Paris.”
“Shopping! Yes!” Mae cheered. “Let’s go,” she said, immediately starting to drag you out of the apartment.
“I’m not even dressed-!” Your complaints were met with nothing but more pulling.”Alright, alright! Let me grab my phone and my wallet, then I’ll be back out to you, yeah?”
“Yay!” Mae cheered.
You went back into your room, tried your best to make the hoodie and men’s shorts combo look good (it didn’t) and grab your things, then came back out. Oscar was cleaning up the kitchen as Hattie talked to him about the free practice and quali today, and Mae jumped up the moment she saw you.
“Time to go!” she announced. “Bye Osc, good luck! See you at the track!” she called, already halfway out the door.
You chuckled, following behind her, Addie, and Nicole. “Bye Osc!”
He grabbed ahold of your hand and placed a key in your palm. “In case you want to come back and change,” he smiled.
“Thanks Osc,” you grinned. “Maybe leave the cooking to me tonight?”
“You don’t have to-”
“Osc, you’re letting me stay at your house, and you got me a paddock pass to see you. Let me make you dinner.”
He nodded. “Alright. Thank you.”
His hand lingered for another few seconds before Mae called back to you, willing you to ‘come on!’.
“See you later,” you smiled.
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Shopping was fine, you bought some clothes and essential hygiene and makeup, then went back to Oscar’s apartment and got dressed just as FP3 started. You all rushed over to the track to watch, and it went well for Oscar, quali was probably going to be interesting, as per usual. Monaco was always a very special track and you really did enjoy looking around at the beautiful scenery. You noticed how the cameras followed you around, but you just put that down to being with his family.
“Y/n! Can I get a photo?!” a young girl asked. You smiled and knelt down to be at her level.
“Of course you can,” you smiled. “What’s your name?”
“Carlotá,” she nodded. “I do ballet! I love you, you’re so good. I want to be as good as you one day!”
“Well I can’t wait to see you on stage one day! Maybe we’ll even get to dance together,” you chuckled, heart warmed by her enthusiasm.
“I hope we do!” she smiled.
You quickly got a photo with her and then you were back on your way to the McLaren hospitality with Addie talking your ear off about her new college courses as you listened intently. Suddenly, Oscar was in front of you, sweaty but smiley.
Nicole immediately pulled him into a tight hug and you saw the weight lift off of her shoulders, if only for a short time. “All my kids are safe,” she sighed, and you knew you were a part of that. You’d always admired how much she cared and how deeply she cared about everyone in her life, it was incredible. Hattie hugged him next, then Addie, and lastly Mae. You smiled and gave him a pat on the back as Zak Brown ushered you further into the hospitality for a ‘family lunch’.
“So, I never knew Oscar had a girlfriend,” Zak smiled, turning to you.
Your face dropped. “Oh, um… he’s not my boyfriend. I’m just a family friend,” you explained. The air in the room had been sucked out and everything was a bit more awkward.
“Oh gosh! Sorry, I just thought because of the video- I really need to remember to not just believe YouTube comments,” he chuckled. He’d somehow charmed his way out the awkward moment, and you found yourself laughing too.
Oscar wasn’t laughing. He quite liked the idea that his boss thought you were his girlfriend. He was just as fond of the internet thinking you were his girlfriend. He’d made a devastating revelation last night. His mum had been right all those years when she told him that he’d end up with you. Well, not that you’d ended up together yet, he still had to do the ‘asking out’ part. Nicole watched as his frown deepened the more you laughed at the comments of the YouTube video of you teaching Lando and Oscar ballet with Hugo.
“Wow, I think you might need to post something to tell everyone you’re just friends,” Zak laughed, showing you some more comments.
You nodded. “I’ll post a baby picture or something,” You chuckled, turning to Oscar. “At least you’ve got the acting part of ballet down.”
He smiled. “Exactly.”
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As the day progressed, you watched with bated breath as quali went underway, and Oscar qualified P2. You were ecstatic, jumping up and down with Addie and Nicole as Hattie and Mae cried in the back. All five of you had never been good with toning it down during his races. You just loved him so much, NOT like that, obviously. But in the friendly, totally platonic, family friend way.
Nicole led the rest of you through the motorhome and you finally found him, sweaty and smiley once again.
“Osc!” Nicole cheered, pulling him in for a hug. Addie, Hattei, and Mae all joined their hug, and you weren’t sure if it was right for you to join too, so you stayed back, taking a few photos of the five of them hugging. A part of you wanted to make it your wallpaper, but suddenly Oscar was in front of you.
“Congratulations!” you smiled.
“Y/n, I’m tired and I really don’t want to beg for a hug, please?” He smiled. You chuckled and wrapped your arms around his neck, his went around your waist, burying his face in your shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Well done Osc,” you smiled.
You didn’t catch the way Addie and Hattie smirked at each other, or the way Nicole gushed over the two of you, or the way Mae took a few photos of the two of you, immediately sending them to Oscar’s phone, knowing he’d want them.
You pulled back, a bright smile on your face, then turned to the girls. “Alright, I’m making dinner tonight, you guys ready to go?”
“Oh, we have a booking at this restaurant tonight,” Nicole sighed. “Another time?”
You nodded. “Of course, see you all later,” you smiled.
If you’d looked slightly more to your left, you would’ve seen Oscar silently beg them to not intrude on the date you didn’t know was a date. Of course, being the Y/noscar shippers they were, they obliged with as minimal smirking as possible, which was a lot. You hugged them goodbye then turned to Oscar.
“Alright, you go shower and then direct me to the nearest supermarket!” You instructed and he smiled.
“Sir, yessir,” he joked, saluting you. “You can wait in my driver’s room if you want.”
“Sounds good.”
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Your evening was wonderful, you spent the evening walking around Monaco and grabbing supplies for dinner, then the actual cooking was rather enjoyable (aka you cooked your famous chilli and he sat in the corner, chatting away to you) and finally, cozying up on the couch with your favourite childhood movie, Cars. Well, it was his favourite, yours was Ballerina. Anyways, as the film continued on, you found yourselves getting closer and closer to each other. First it was an arm around the back of the couch, then an arm around you, then you were leaning into his side, until you had your head on his chest and he had a satisfied smile on his face.
As the film came to a close, you got up and stretched, yawning.
“Y/n,” he spoke. “I’ve really enjoyed having you around these past few days,” he smiled.
“I’ve really enjoyed being around you,” you smiled back.
“I’m in love with you,” he blurted out. It wasn’t exactly the smooth delivery he’d imagined since he was a teenage boy stalking your instagram from thousands of kilometres away, but it would work. Hopefully.
“Pardon?” You stared at him shocked.
He let out a nervous breath. “I’m in love with you.”
You nodded. You didn’t exactly know what to make of it all. You loved him too, so why wouldn’t your mouth make the words? This was so stupid, just say it! Say it! Say-“I love you too,” you finally blurted out after a few seconds of buffering.
His nervous frown turned into a bright smile, and his hands landed on your waist, pulling you into him. He hugged you close for a moment, internally calming down. “Kept me waiting there,” he chuckled.
“Sorry,” you smiled. You pulled away a little bit, then pressed your lips to his. “Brain fart.”
He laughed, then pressed his lips to yours again, in a perfect, Oscar, kiss. You could feel his hands on your waist, every brush of his brush against your forehead, every piece of skin on yours. You couldn’t get enough.
“You have a race in the morning,” you whispered, pulling back from the kiss just enough to remind him.
He nodded, connecting your lips again. His kisses were getting more and more heated, more and more consuming, more and more hungry. He was barely listening. He was kissing you. Everything little him had dreamt of.
“Oscar,” you pulled back, getting serious. “Wait until after the race, alright?”
He nodded, pressing his lips to your again, this time quicker and softer. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise,” you smiled. “I would want to too, just… I don’t want to impair you’re-” you awkwardly tried to explain as he tried to hold back laughter. He failed and ended up laughing in your face, only making you laugh too.
“God I love you,” he smiled bashfully.
“I love you too.”
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The next morning, you woke up to Oscar beside you, his arms wrapped around you. You smiled. This felt right. He felt right.
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You walked into the paddock hand in hand and Nicole immediately gasped. “You’re finally together?!”
You laughed. “Yeah, we are,” you nodded. The four of them were a mix of cheering and crying, all ecstatic for you both.
“If you hurt her I’ll kill you!” Addie warned, pointing a finger in Oscar’s face.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he smiled, looking at you.
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You watched in awe as he crossed the finish line in P2, celebrating with his sisters and mum. You all ran to the Parc Fermé, ready to greet him. He ran over to you five, hugging his mum first, then running straight to you. He smiled then pulled you in for a kiss.
“Congratulations,” you smiled, pulling back.
“I have to watch you dance now,” he rushed out as Addie pulled him over for a hug. “I love you!” He shouted, being pulled away by Lando, knowing they were on a time crunch.
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2,830,623 likes liked by landonorris, y/nballet, and others oscarpiastri Bagged myself a dancer, and a second place trophy. Great weekend :)
comments
user83: WHAT THE FUCK MY WORLDS COLLIDING
user73: BRO HAS ULTIMATE RIZZ -> Hattiepiastri: INCORRECT BUZZER, they've been in love with each other since they could walk, they just didn't know it yet.
nicolepiastri: My babies ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
landonorris: NOW HE'LL STOP THIRSTING -> oscarpiastri: polly not...
y/nballet: my love ❤️
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7,830,725 likes liked by oscarpiastri, hugomarchand, nicole piastri and others
y/nballet: Bagged myself an Osc :)
oscarpiastri: I love you ❤️ -> y/nballet: No papaya heart? -> oscarpiastri: shut up please.
user73: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS??? -> user26: they've been friends forever and now they're dating :)
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1 x you#formula one imagine#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x you#formula one x reader#formula 1#formula one#mclaren#oscar piastri x fem!reader#f1 fluff
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