#anyway i’m gonna go now and not cry because my roommates are home but i’m gonna go sulk because i’m sick of this ✌️

[thatone-churro]

y’know just as soon as i start getting comfortable with the idea of being open/relying on my dad and him being more comfortable with my choices than i feared, i can essentially throw all that out the window with how vehemently he yelled at me at the thought of my getting my septum pierced (even though i never said i was yet. i said my side before i decide anything else). also making underhanded remarks of me never getting tattoos other than the one for my mom. like okay don’t ask me why i don’t tell you about anything or talk to you or anything. what the fuck.

[s-4pphics]

click! 2 (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: you need a roommate, and you love eggplant. [college au]

WORD COUNT: 5.7k 

WARNINGS: photographer/roommate!ellie, ocs an artist with a rep, all ocs r black coded, crack, alcohol, arguments, more slut-shaming, bullying, disordered eating, brief mentions of sexual harassment/assault, sex for like a second, failed orgasms, masturbation, slight exhibitionism 

one. three. four.

A/N: heyyyyy…. how yall doin🤭🤭 a little something before i go back to work kms 

“So, lemme get this straight,” Abby pinches a lollipop stick between her fingers like it’s a blunt, adjusting the invisible glasses on her face, “The psycho just barged in?” 

“With all of her shit! Didn’t even bother to say good morning or anything!” 

It’s been hours since the squash-loving hermit took refuge in your home, and you’re sizzling with rage as you recall the events from earlier. You clocked out zoomed to Abby’s building in no time. 

“Damn… why didn’t you call security… or the landlord? She can’t just move in without signing the contract.” 

You pace around Abby’s rug-covered space, “Bitch, I don’t fuck with feds and rent’s due in two days!” You holler, “And she did sign the contract! I haven’t signed it yet because I didn’t know she was gonna show up and act like that. You’re not disrespecting me in my own house.” 

Her head shakes, “What’d I tell you? If it were me… we wouldn’t have any problems.” 

You point a scolding finger at the smirking blonde girl, “Yes, we fucking would. Don’t start.” 

But she presses anyway, “I think we’d be a match made in heaven, actually.” She rises from the couch and hovers over you, the tip of your index connecting with her strong, covered chest. Your glare persists, but there’s warmth pulling in your gut from her scent. 

Your skin is flaming; This is why you’ll never be able to have a serious conversation — or anything, for that matter — with Abby. Her raunchy remedies aren’t going to work in this situation; You’re too stressed. 

“But anyway,” Her brow arches and she backs off. Slightly. “You’re an adult and main tenant. You gotta handle it soon.” She ponders for a moment, “But to be fair, you texted her first.” 

“How many times do I have to say that I was lit as fuck! I don’t even remember— “

Abby’s taunting expression makes you pause, nails digging into the skin of your palms. 

“Don’t.”

Your hiss makes her snort, “I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to. It’s not funny.” 

Abby knows you and Dina’s history better than anyone. Knows exactly how you got caught up in “situationship” nonsense, all with liquor and a phone. You can’t fault Abby for recognizing the familiarity, but a burning sting rests in your chest. Embarrassment spreads all over your cheeks, and you announce your departure in a rush. 

Her regret is evident in the way she calls out for you, but you’re out the door in seconds, slamming it as hard as the frame can hold. 

The winter air hits your eyes first… You try to convince yourself, hastily wiping the wet trails off your face. You’re not fucking crying over Dina. Not again. 

You snatch your phone from your pocket to ask Amaya for advice, but your heart swells when you see her messages. 

You think back to all the times she’s coddled you through your emotions: she drops everything to tend to your needs, no matter how big or small. Guilt would put you in the ground if she ruins her opportunity for your convenience; You can’t tell her. She deserves to enjoy herself. You match your best friend’s excitement all the way back to your car.

Abby called twice during the drive back home, but you didn’t answer. You know she wasn’t being malicious, but you’re sensitive, especially when it comes to anything related to Dina. 

You rip your apartment door open and find Ellie lounging on your fucking couch with Love Island playing from her laptop. And eating peanuts… with Chick-Fil-A ranch? 

You slam her device shut, words sharp as nails, “I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m telling you right now, you’re not fucking staying here.” You’re shredding through skin with your glare, but she’s not reacting. Just sitting there and crunching, eyes void. 

“Don’t even think about unpacking. You’re getting out tonight, I can promise you that.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“What.”

She merely shrugs, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“What the fuck— “

More cracked shells, more munching; Your eyelid is jerking. 

“Rent’s on the counter, by the way.” 

You hold back a scoff before marching into the kitchen, eyeing the envelope labeled fake ass mortgage. You hear the contestants from the reality show resume their dialogue, but you’re locked on how thick the letter looks to bother scolding. 

It’s torn open… and filled with hundred-dollar bills. Way more than half of rent. Ellie might’ve covered the heat bill for the rest of winter. 

“I thought you were a fucking photographer.” The shock in your voice is clear as day, mindlessly returning to the living room. 

“I am.” She calls dryly. 

“No, you’re not.” You toss the money on the coffee table. “The fuck do you do on the side? Sell drugs to freshmen?” 

“Sure.” 

When your arms cross over your chest with an accusatory stare, she sighs. “I told you. I take pictures.” 

“Of who? The fucking councilman?” 

Another shrug. “Whoever asks. It’s how I make money…” A light pause. “At least until I secure this job.” 

You squint at her, “I thought you got evicted. You’re clearly fit to pay rent on your own.” 

That seems to shake her a little, staring back with hardened eyes, “And who the fuck are you to question me? The reason I’m here is because of you!” 

“Exactly! This...” Arms waving around the living room. “…is my fucking space! You’re a straggler at best.” 

A weighted huff escapes her before she tosses her snack on the table and stands, leaning over the table. 

“You would’ve been in the same position as me if I didn’t show up. No where to fucking go,” She spits. “If you want me gone, fine. But when your landlord comes knocking on your fucking door asking why you’re two weeks late, don’t say shit to me.” 

You waver slightly and she notices, smirk darker than her pupils. You’re steaming; Smoke is going to come out of your ears soon. 

“The same goes for you. I don’t wanna hear your fucking voice, and don’t touch anything that I paid for,” You command, “Don’t even breathe in my space. Stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine.” 

A condescending grin plasters onto her face. 

“Where’d you hide that lease?” 

Your heart is too weak for hatred… or so you thought. 

Abby, Amaya… everyone you’ve fucking talked to about the bitch right across the hall thinks that she’s dangerous and sick and out for blood. 

They’re all wrong. It’s you. 

Ellie is conjuring up something villainous deep inside you; Her childish antics started off small: bumping against the wall in the middle of the night, leaving her dirty ass shoes out of place by the front door, not laying the rugs that she slipped on flat… Incredibly annoying, but fixable. 

You took the time to construct a new roommate agreement that fit your unique situation the morning after your argument. It was sloppily scribbled on a crumpled piece of construction paper, but it was a symbol of peace. You taped it to her door before you left for your shift, only to return and see it ripped up and scattered in front of your door. 

It’s been five days since then. Five, and you can already feel a bald spot forming at the back of your skull. To think that Ellie was your first option as a roommate just days ago is laughable now. You know that none of the tricks she’s pulling are accidental. You pride yourself in being observant, and you always catch that prideful look on her face when she nails one of your peeves. 

You try to be here when Ellie’s not, but she’s always home when you are. Music blasting in the wee hours of the night knowing you have three upcoming shifts to cover, on the couch rewatching the same episode of Love Island over and over while you make your breakfast, pretending to talk on the phone to friends she doesn’t have as loudly as possible. You’re fucking tired and you’re holding your hand back from slapping her. 

But the worst part is that she’s stocked your fridge with fucking squash. Top to bottom in all colors there is. Filled the drawers with one called cucurbita argyrosperma. You were torn between curling in hysterics and beating it over your new roommate's head; The petty side of your brain wishes that you were allergic so you could “accidentally” eat some, die, and get her locked up, but you hushed it. She’s fucking with you, but rent and some bills are paid for the month. What a sick turn of events. 

You’re plotting, though. Something’s brewing, and Abby’s helping you. It’s finally Saturday, and college kids are fiending for a rager. 

The only quality that you respect about Ellie is that she’s clean. She washes her dishes, does her laundry (separate from yours, thank God), and she’s deep-cleaned the bathroom twice already. Ellie despises large messes more than you, though, since you’re willing to sacrifice your tidy abode to piss her off. Let the ruckus in!

You heard her leave early this morning, and you’ve noticed that when she’s gone, she’s gone, which gives you all the time to plan. You skip to the bathroom like a kid in a candy store, showering, brushing your teeth, doing skincare. You whip up the hardiest breakfast you can before your mall venture with Abby; It’s been days since you’ve last nutted, and you need a new vibrator. And new paintbrushes. 

“… Why haven’t you beat her ass again?” 

It only took Abby buying food for you to forgive her. You slurp down your strawberry milkshake, “Fear of permanent imprisonment.” 

“Does Maya know what’s been going on?” Abby asks, shaking her head. 

“Fuck no, and she’s never going to. Have you seen her Snaps?” You whip out your phone and show her Amaya’s stories; She’s exploring and meeting new people. “She’s having a ball! The second I tell her what’s been going on, she’s gonna drop everything and come back. I’m not doing that to her.” 

“You’re the only outlet I have, so suck it up and listen to me bitch and moan.” You continue, “Who’s coming tonight?” 

She smiles, “As many as I could get.” 

“Please tell me Armani’s coming.” 

“She is, for sure.” 

Your heart flutters. Armani… She’s everything you could ever want and need. She’s kind, smart, drop-dead gorgeous, and she bench presses with Abby on the weekends. She has your clit jumping like a salmon in the freshwater, and you’re going to see her tonight. 

You jump awake at your alarm, eyes stinging as you glance at your phone. It’s a little past nine; Pregaming hours. 

You throw your lazy body into the shower and conduct your special-occasions ritual, blasting your music as loud as the speaker would allow, scrubbing your body with exfoliant to your heart's content. 

You exit, water cascading down your shoulders and back, towel engulfed around your body. You have no idea what to fucking wear; What color does Armani like? Do lesbians qualify for the red nail theory or is that something heteros made up for TikTok followers? What if she doesn’t like eucalyptus scented body wash? 

You swallow your doubts with a shot glass. 

Outfit prepping takes longer than expected, but you’re dressed, titties are out, and your thoughts are swirling like the liquor in your gut. You should call Amaya and tell her you love her—

Another shot, more dancing. You’re spinning around your small room to the bass of the beat, sloppily pulling every shot that you can, back arching and hips throwing in any direction they can. 

The bass sounds louder the more you dance, every thud rattling the poster-covered walls of your room. 

It’s not until the bass surpasses the song that you realize it’s not bass at all. It’s knocking… on your bedroom door. You snicker; Abby’s here with your girl. 

You don’t know why she’s boxing with your door, though. Beating the shit out of it. When you yank it open, you’re instantly annoyed at who appears behind it. 

A… gray sweat clad Ellie propped against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest and red hairs framing her face. You force your eyes upward, right in between hers. The dots on her face look like skittles. Since when does she have a fucking tattoo? Are you hallucinating or is it a fat ass leaf with eyeballs?

You barely registered what she said, “Can you turn that off? It’s almost eleven.” 

“Why, absolutely-the-fuck-not.” You slur, and she cringes, nose wrinkling at the scent of liquor on you. “Where’s Abby?” 

Ellie’s biceps are… out on the prowl. And the veins in her hands are still there. Just checking. Right between her eyes again. 

“Who the hell is that?” 

“My bitch.” You chuckle.

Ellie’s eyes widen and you correct yourself. 

“N-Not bitch like whore. Bitch like… like, that’s my bitch! She’s great, love her. BFF… not over Amaya, though.”

Ellie’s getting annoyed; Her nose won’t stop twitching. “… Is she coming over?” 

“She should be on her way.”

“Is she stupid?” 

“What.” 

“Is your… bitch stupid?” 

“Um, no, she’s not fucking stupid. What the hell are you on.” You snap, offended for your friend. 

“Tell her to stay the fuck home before she gets buried.” 

… Did Ellie just threaten to kill one of your sneaky-links? Before she gets buried? 

“And what the fuck are you gonna do? Just so you know, whatever you do, she’ll double it and send it back! And I’m jumping in, so— “ 

Your roommate’s gawking in disbelief. “… I meant buried by the snow, you fucking idiot. There’s a blizzard outside.” 

You’re flatlining, you can feel it. 

“There’s a what.” 

“Check the damn news.” She pushes herself off the wall and turns towards her room, “And go to bed. Looks like you need it.” 

Her door slams shut. She’s definitely poking fun at your eyebags. You thought you did a good job at concealing them. 

A fucking blizzard? December just started. You check your phone, reading the influx of messages from your dad, Amaya, Abby telling you to stay safe and indoors and the party’s cancelled because of the storm and you want to fucking die—

You tear a slit in your blinds and… yup. Pure white is pelting from the dark gray clouds in the sky, the formerly black street painted ivory with ice. Not a car in sight, and if they are, they’re covered entirely. 

The harsh reality hasn’t even set in yet. The girl you want to strangle is trapped inside with you; She’s not going anywhere, either. You’re going to be forced to see her everywhere in your two-bedroom apartment. And you’re not having sex tonight. 

Plan PISS-ELLIE-OFF was a bust. You’re drunk and hungry—

Your eyes bulge; When was the last time you’ve gone grocery shopping? 

You clumsily rush to the kitchen, nearly ripping your fridge door off the handle. When you're met with the pack of cream cheese and mini croissants you bought last week and all of Ellie’s fresh groceries (including squash), you almost start crying. You slept away all your pre-storm chore hours. 

Ellie pads in the kitchen with an empty ice cream carton and spoon, headphones blasting in her ears. She doesn’t acknowledge you as she throws away the carton and grabs the unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips. Your mouth waters. 

You watch as she rips the bag open, the salty, bitter aroma traveling into your nostrils. 

“Ellie.” She can’t hear you over the fuckery penetrating her eardrums! 

You tap her shoulder harder than necessary. “Don’t touch me.”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THERE WAS A STORM?”

Her veiny hand — fuck — pushes one of her ear cups over to the side, not even bothering to look at you as she fills her bowl to the brim with the crunchy snack; You never noticed how heavily pierced her left ear is. 

“Who are you again?” 

Alright. Your tongue gets loose, “You know, you don’t have to act like a fucking cunt all the time! I tried to be nice to you and—” 

“Yeah, ‘cause shit talking me with your friends is so fucking nice.” She scoffs and turns, pointed glare set on you. Your stomach drops. How the fuck did she know that?

“Drop the fucking act already. You’re also a cunt…” Her eyes drag over your appearance. “Amongst other things, evidently.” 

Ellie’s eyes hold so much disdain, and you instantly feel exposed and gross. Your face sears with embarrassment, arms mindlessly crossing over your chest in attempts to cover up. 

“… What the fuck does that mean?” You know what she means. 

“You think I’m a fucking freak and a loser and a bunch of other shit I’ve been called since forever?” She sneers, “Then you’re a fucking slut. How’s that for nice?” 

Your body locks up, freezes, and you fight back vomit. Ellie grabs her bowl and exits the kitchen, door slamming shut, leaving you to simmer in her spite. 

You don’t feel hungry anymore. 

You didn’t drink enough last night. You’re awake, and you remember everything. And you’re so fucking hungry. 

Guilt festers in your chest like rats, and anxiety is building in your fingers. Your head hurts so bad and your mouth is dry, but you refuse to move from under your blankets to get water. You didn’t even have the energy to take your make-up off last night, mascara and small sparkles smeared all over your pillowcase. 

You wallow, using the heavy wind outside as stress relief. People really think you’re a whore with no self-respect, even after a year. Your heart’s hitting against your ribcage at an alarming pace. Deep breaths, that’s all you can do. 

Tears jerk in your eyes as you recall every unwanted stare, every cat-call, every grope and dirty text message you’ve received from people you both know and don’t. You freeze and… that’s it. You just don’t move and hope they can read that you’re scared. 

Does Ellie feel the same way when people talk poorly about her? 

Your breathing techniques aren’t working so you sit up, shaking your hands and digging your palms into your wet eyes. You’re suddenly too hot for blankets. 

Your clock reads near noon; You’ve been awake for hours. Your feet plant on the cool wood and sigh in relief before standing and snagging your new paint brushes off your dresser. 

Your hands tremble as you fill a water cup and grab a black canvas, setting up your workspace on the floor. You squirt hues of blue, green and white on a dried paper plate and let your brush do the work; You’re not thinking, just painting, smudging, trapping yourself in emptiness. The scene you’re creating is drying your tears; You wish you could escape into the grass field, even for a second. 

Your water cup is brown by the time you finish; How long have you been sitting here? The needles in your legs tell you long enough. Your vision will have to wait. 

You unlock and quietly open the door… It doesn’t matter, though. Ellie’s awake and silently sitting on the couch. You pay her no mind and venture to the fridge for your croissants and cream cheese, throwing your pastries in the microwave. 

Eyes are on you. You feel them in your back. 

When the microwave dings, you spread cream cheese all over the buttery dough. Ellie’s hoarse voice freezes you. Not again. 

“The blizzard… isn’t stopping.”

You finally inspect your roommate: leg bouncing and brows furrowed, nails between her teeth, eyes locked on the window that shows the heavy snowfall. 

“Usually how they work.” 

Your sarcasm doesn’t move her, “They said it would pass after a couple of hours yesterday! It hasn’t let up yet!”

“Never listen to weathermen. They make shit up as they go.” You keep your voice curt while you make your plate. It looks a hot mess; You wish you had blackberry jam. 

“They can’t make shit up when there’s money on the fucking line!” You hear footsteps from behind you; Ellie’s pacing. “I have a client today. Their photos were supposed to go in my portfolio before I submit it!” 

Her statement makes you pause. You didn’t think about that; It’s impossible to travel anywhere at the moment. How the fuck are you going to get to work? You can’t afford to miss shifts. It’s almost that time of the month. 

“This was one of the biggest bookings I’ve gotten and I’m gonna miss it because of the fucking weather!” 

You don’t know why she's talking to you, so you cut the conversation short. “You’ll figure it out.”  You enter your room without another word, slamming the door as hard as noise complaints would allow. 

After a few minutes, Ellie’s door slams, too. 

Hours pass and you’re covered in paint. Your one flower field turned into three, one with detailed butterflies, one with raining rose petals, one with your mother’s name spelled out with clouds. 

Your fingers are sore, but you feel lighter. Those croissants wore off a long time ago; You’re starving. What you’d give for grilled eggplant and shrimp with Greek yogurt and lemon juice—

A soft knock lands on your door, and you stiffen. You stand, legs popping and arms stretching over your head as you wobble to your door. 

The second it opens, you're hit with the smell of garlic and herbs and your mouth waters. Ellie stands over you, playing with her fingers. You don’t register that you’re missing pants until she gawks at your bare legs; Warmth spreads across your body and you maneuver so she can’t see them behind the door. 

A moment of awkward silence before she chokes, “There’s, uh… there’s soup on the stove.” You scoff, ignoring the growling in your stomach. 

“I don’t like squash, Ellie.” 

The door slams in her face and she sighs behind the wood. 

…

Later that night, you sneak into the dark kitchen, the big pot of soup still on the stove. You open the lid and inspect its contents: shredded chicken, carrots, fucking… green leaves of some sort. You grab a spoon and taste it to be safe. It’s good, and there’s no squash in it. You eat two warm bowls. 

The storm calms when you wake the next morning. Thank God; You haven’t had coffee in days. 

Ellie’s gone for the day, so you blast music while in the shower. You dry and dress in silence, yanking your underwear and jeans up your legs, throwing on a pair of earmuffs over your earphones and a puffer. 

You almost slip on the ice from the sidewalk on the way to you and Abby’s coffee shop before heading to class like normal. You go grocery shopping before your first shift. 

Work drags on like normal, legs numb from standing and throat dry from sale attempts at checkout. Who the fuck wants to apply for a credit card for a coffee machine website? 

It’s not until your shift is on its last limbs that your heart stops in your chest. The bell rings to the hardware store, and you instantly rush to the back to retrieve your other coworker. It’s Dina. What the fuck. 

You burst into the break room, “Raja, Raja, I need a favor.” 

She slurps her ramen, exclaiming what around her soggy noodles. 

You search for any heads and whisper, “There’s someone I used to fuck outside! Can you take care of her, please, I can’t— “

“Okay, okay, damn. I got it— “

The service bell rings, “Go, go! Hurry up!” Your coworker swallows her noodles and plasters her smile on her face. You hide behind the cracked door and listen to everything. 

“Hey, ladies! Sorry about the wait!” 

“No problem!” Dina’s laugh sends a pain in your chest, “I just needed a new bike lock. Someone tried to steal mine, like, what the fuck.” 

There’s an unfamiliar laugh that melds with Dina’s. “No problem! Would you like to sign up for a Coffee Brewers credit card with your purchase? They’ll repair all filter baskets and decanters for 45% off!” 

You almost smile; Dina doesn’t drink coffee. Raja checks them out, and you peer out the small opening of the door. Dina and… whoever the fuck that is are snuggled up behind the service counter, her head resting on the random’s shoulder. They’re whispering and laughing and you’re disgusted. And sad. 

They depart with a small bag and Raja almost smashes the door into your face. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

“Mourning.” 

“Damn… sorry, man.” 

You shrug and thank your coworker before returning to your position. What could’ve been. 

It’s late when you get home. 

Ellie’s on the couch; You feel her watch as you unlace your boots and unravel your scarf. You set your bag on the floor and grab your Cheesecake Factory brown bread loaf for your grilled PB&J. Ellie clears her throat; You say nothing. 

She coughs louder when you butter your bread. 

“Are you sick or something?”

Ellie whips her head around, “No, why?” 

“You’re coughing like you’re gonna die.” 

Your roommate doesn’t reply, so you turn and toast your bread on the stove. 

“How was the soup?” 

Your eyes bulge, “Huh?” 

“Did it taste… like, decent?” 

You stare down at your sizzling toast, “I dunno what you mean.” 

Voice flat as ever, she says, “The soup… you had some— “

“No, I didn’t— “

“Wha— I know what was in the pot when I ate. You had some—” 

You face her, skin boiling, “Okay, and what about it? Yes, I ate some! I would’ve had three bowls instead of two if I wasn’t so fucking tired! It was good as fuck! I slept like a baby!” 

She calls your name but you ignore her, “Sorry, I got my disgusting, slutty germs all over your stupid chicken noodle soup! Is that what you wanna hear! What, are whores not allowed food, either?! Why’d you offer it to me then?!” 

Another rushed call of your name, but you press on, “Y’know, you’re actually weird as fuck! Who calls someone a filthy, bottom of the barrel gutter rat then offers them soup the next day! What kinda limbo fuckery are you playin’ at— “

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP… BEEP—

You gasp when the fire alarm sounds. When you turn, your toast is charred black and surrounded by dark smoke. You cut the heat off and push the pan over. Ellie’s running with a towelette, waving it around the beeping alarm. 

You grab a washcloth and help her, and eventually it cuts off. Ellie rushes over to the front door and switches the ceiling fan on. 

Your sandwich is fucking ruined. Great! 

You don’t know why you’re sobbing, but it’s loud. You just want to go to fucking bed. Ellie’s just standing there with a towel in hand, fiddling with her earlobe. How embarrassing. 

You push yourself off the counter and turn to go to your room, but Ellie calls for you. 

“What?! What now, Ellie!” 

She cringes, “I— You’re not a… slut?” 

Your teary eyes squint at her. “Are you asking me— “

“No! No, I’m… Sorry? You’re not a slut.” This is the weirdest apology you’ve ever received in your entire goddamn life. 

“Well, fuck me! Thanks!” You snark between sniffles. You yank your bedroom door open.

“You’re good at painting!” She shouts, and you stop. 

For some reason, you sob harder, and she panics, “Uhh… I mean, like, for an amateur! Like, you’re decent enough!” 

Now you’re… laughing? You need to sleep now. Ellie chuckles uncomfortably, and you snicker darkly to yourself, “Life is a fucking joke, oh my god.” 

Your fingers dig deep into your wet eyes, and Ellie’s sock-covered feet pad closer. 

“Look, I’m not… I don't know what to say.” 

“Then don’t talk.” 

“‘Kay.” 

She stands there in silence and watches you wipe your face on your sweater sleeve, mascara smearing all over the fabric. 

“Why didn’t you use squash in the soup?” 

“Uh… you wouldn’t have eaten it if I did.” 

You nod and stare at the wall. “So, what? That was a peace offering?” 

Ellie contemplates what she should say. 

“Not really… I mean, I was hungry, but I didn’t care if you ate… some of it, if that makes sense.” 

It doesn’t. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.” Her lip curls like she wants to add something, but she doesn’t. 

“… Alright.” 

“Don’t worry about the pan. I’ll get it tomorrow.” And just like that, you shut the door on her again. 

You don’t have the energy to shower, so you undress and tuck yourself in. Your room is warmer than usual. 

Ellie’s been acting differently since then. 

For the past three days, she’s been greeting you whenever you’re in her line of vision. She even mumbled hi before she took her seat in stats yesterday. It’s awkward and stiff, but there’s always a wave somewhere in her movements. You nod back at her every time. 

You’re not sure where your relationship lies with your roommate, but it’s not as… bad? Seeing her doesn’t bother you as much as it did; You suppose it’s the same for her, too. 

You’re exhausted; Finals are around the corner, and you’re busting your ass. You had to get another job for the holiday season since it’s you and your dad’s first Christmas together since you were little, and you want to get him something nice. 

All you need is a good nut and you’re set for the next two weeks. You miss Abby. She’s been just as busy with nonsense as you have, but you found time to see her later tonight. 

You’re stuck in the library trying to make the concept of categorical variables stick, but it’s not working. You’re in a block because you’re thinking about Abby. She should be here to pick you up soon. 

You slam your book shut when your phone goes off, a message from… Ellie. 

You set your phone down with a small smile. What a weirdo. 

You force yourself to study for another hour. Heavy hands clamp down on your shoulders and you shriek, other students looking up in confusion, your hand clasping over your mouth. 

Abby’s laughing behind you, warm breaths hitting your ear before she kisses your cheek. 

“Hi.” She whispers. 

“Hi yourself.” 

“Pack that shit up.” Abby points at your books and messy stacks of paper. “Let’s roll.” 

You don’t hesitate, shoving everything in your bag in anticipation of your nut. Your clit’s cheering; She’s finally happy. 

You’re warm, well-fed, and Abby’s drilling the fuck out of you, but you can’t cum.

Your face is shoved into your friend’s pillow; She’s hitting exactly where you need her to, and it feels good. You’re tipping, but you haven’t tipped. You’ve been on the verge of orgasming for the past ten minutes and it’s driving you crazy. 

Your voice is barely there, “Just cuuum, just cum, just cum—“ You’re begging… yourself into her pillow. 

Abby sounds so sexy behind you; You’re shocked you’re not convulsing at the sound of her voice alone. 

After some time, her hips slowed into a stop, tip nudged inside you. 

“… You good?” She exhales.

You throw her two thumbs up. You’re not good at all. 

Abby snorts and pulls out, gently patting your hip, “Sit up and talk to me.” 

Your legs give out from underneath you and you lay flat. Abby hands you a washcloth and you wipe between your legs while she unstraps her dick. 

“I think I’m broken.” You muffle into her slobbery pillowcase. 

“You’re not broken, you’re just not feeling it. It’s fine.”

She’s too sweet. You want to cry, “I’m sor— “

“Don’t you dare. Finish your Wingstop.” 

“Okay.” You grumble. 

Abby drops you off after the movie finishes. The red string that connects her clit to yours snaps as you waddle back up to your apartment. 

You enter your shared home and you’re instantly freezing; Ellie’s not here. She hates sleeping when it’s cold. 

You and your pussy sigh in relief. Just five minutes by yourself; that’s all you need. Your shoes and backpack are thrown to the side in the nick of time, bursting through your bedroom door and rummaging through your drawer. Your cunt screams eureka when your vibrator turns on. You don’t remember charging the son of a bitch! 

Your pants and panties are lunged across your bedroom and you leap into bed. Your toy’s buzzing in your hand, and your walls squeeze in anticipation. Foreplay be damned. 

Your eyes shut the second the vibrations hit your clit, trying to imagine a sweaty Abby on top of you, fucking you deep, choking you out. Your orgasm is right there, walls desperately trying to milk the brisk air around you. You shove two free fingers inside, and your muscles latch onto them, pulling them in deeper. It’s right there, just a little more. 

“Please, please, c’mon, fuck— “

Your pleas go ignored. Your imagination has never failed you, so why can’t you fucking cum? 

Desperate sobs combine with your moans, brain filled with Abby, and Dina. Even Armani slips her way in there and you’ve seen her twice in person, but it’s useless. Your peak never comes. 

You’re seconds away from shattering your window with your fucking vibrator. You and Ellie can’t afford to get that shit fixed—

Your clit jumps at the brief image of your roommate, pissed off and berating you about breaking a fucking window. You hate that you don’t fight it, the visions of her and her strong arms, her twitchy nose, her dot-covered face. It’s stirring something vicious in your tummy, and you can’t keep your mouth shut. 

You see her on top of you instead of Abby, her short hair loosening from her bun and framing her blushing face. Pretty, moss-filled eyes stare back at you, annoyance and bother replaced with something darker. Needier; She wants you to take from her. 

“Fuck, fuck, mmh— “

Your hips buck when your positions switch in your mind, a blushing, spent Ellie, reaching for you, pulling you close, begging to touch her. 

You’re so loud when your orgasm splits your brain in two, your stress melting away in an instant, nasty, unspoken visuals of your pouty and weird housemate fluttering beneath your eyelids. You ride your high until you can’t, vibrator clattering to the floor, walls flexing around nothing. 

You’re so tired that you don’t bother moving. You pull the covers over your trembling form and knock out, not even bothering to turn your shaking toy off as it rattles on the hardwood. 

It’ll be dead by the time Ellie comes home. If she does. 

…

…

…

Ellie lays on her side in her bed, knees pulled to her chest, her tattooed arm wrapped around her tummy and a hand covering her mouth. Her face is burning hot and her stomach is swirling. Whenever she blinks, she can see you, eyes rolled to the back of your head as you surrender to your release. 

Her heart is racing and minutes away from crawling up her throat. 

She completely forgets to put in that maintenance request for your broken heater; She’s warm enough under the covers for tonight. 

A/N: hi again its finna pick up LEMME COOOOOK LEMME COOK

TAGGIES LOVE YALL MMMWAH : @starologist @hrtmal @ohlawdthebirds @villainousbear @timmy-27 @inf3ct3dd @aouiaa @shurisbigtoe @emothurman @lonelyfooryouonly @imelliesgf @baumbii @brackishkittie @littletinyladybugs @r1miese @horror-whoree @elsbunny222 @elliesatchel @makemescreamel @lav3nd3rhaze @elliezflower @ellieloml @ellies-princess @saverdelrey @womenofarcane @muthafuckingstargirl @mina-281 @yuckyfucky @aimformyheartt @elstoy @skylerwhitwyo @sawaagyapong @nil-eena @dewylittlestars @sakiigami @feelsoseencantdream @ellieslittlegf

[onlyfezco]

Forget Me Not - Fezco

Summary: Fez forgets your date Friday night and he spends the weekend trying to get back on your good side

Fezco x Reader

Word count: 2,247

Author’s Note: This just started because I thought about blasting music that fit my mood when I was mad and the other person realizing I was mad based off the lyrics lol. Comments and reblogs are appreciated. The divider is from @firefly-graphics​

It had been a long night. Fez got word about a party happening last minute and him and Ash needed to go to lessen the load of Mouse’s latest supply. Before the party, Fez had been at the store for most of the day. He was ready to count up the money from tonight and go straight to bed.

“You’re in trouble,” Fez heard Ash say from the living room. He finished locking the door then made his way towards his brother.

“What I do,” Fez asked, then his eyes followed Ash’s to the couch where you lay sleeping. 

“Oh shit,” Fez said, rubbing his hand over his shaved head. Normally, this wouldn’t be Fez’s reaction to seeing his girlfriend. Especially, after a super long day. But it was your nice black dress and perfectly done hair that reminded Fez he forgot about your date. 

“Yeah, shit,” Ash chuckled dropping his backpack on the kitchen table. “She’s gonna be pissed.”

“I forgot she was stayin’ over this weekend. Her roommate’s army boyfriend was comin’ home for the weekend and she ain’t want to stay around for them reunitin’ for three days straight.”

“So she’s gonna be mad at you all weekend here? That’s hilarious,” Ash said with a silent laugh so he wouldn’t wake you.

“Man, shut the fuck up,” Fez whispered to his brother. By no means was any of this funny. 

“I’mma let you deal with that. I’m goin’ to my room.”

Once Ash was gone, Fez squatted down so he was on eyelevel with you. “Ma,” he said softly. “Ma, wake up.” You stirred a little but your eyes were still closed. “Come on, let’s get you in bed,” Fez said gently shaking you now.

Your eyes opened briefly, then closed again. “I’m fine here,” you replied flatly, then rolled over so your back was to Fezco now. 

Fez sighed. “Come on, baby. I’m sorry. I heard about a party the other day, and you know I got this extra supply to get rid of this month.”

“So not only did you go to a party without me, you didn’t call to let me know you’d be home late either? Nice to know I’m so forgettable.” You readjusted on the couch then pulled the blanket down to cover yourself up. After about an hour of Fez not showing up and not hearing anything from him, you took your makeup off and got comfortable on the couch. 

You knew you were being a bit childish. You could have easily called Fez to see where he was at, or remind him of your plans. But you had been texting him for most of the day anyway. It hurt that even though you should have been on his mind already, he still forgot about your date and you coming over. 

“You’re not. I know you’re mad, but at least sleep in my bed tonight.”

“No thank you.”

Fez sighed again frustrated with how stubborn you were. “You don’t have to sleep with me. I’ll take the couch.”

“No. Thank you,” you repeated more sternly this time. 

Fez just stayed there for a moment staring at your back hoping you’d give in and go to his bed. But you were stubborn and didn’t budge an inch. Fez stood up then walked to the kitchen table to put the money him and ash made tonight up somewhere safe. He wasn’t in the mood to sit there and count the profits right now. He’d worry about that tomorrow. He began making his way to his room, but glanced at the couch before he went down the hall to see if you changed your mind. You didn’t. He sighed then made the trek to his bedroom alone for the night. 

Well I'm not gon' cry

I'm not gon' cry

I'm not gon' shed no tears

Fezco practically shot up out of his bed at the loud music. He looked around the room and realized it was morning from the faint light pouring in from behind his curtains. He shook his head then got out of bed to see where the noise was coming from.

Ash was sitting at the kitchen table watching some Youtube video with his headphones in while shoveling pancakes and eggs into his mouth. He walked into the kitchen to see you flipping a pancake over as you sang to the Mary J. Blige song. You were obviously still upset. He knew you would occasionally play some 90′s R&B while you cooked, but playing Mary this loud was a sign you were mad.

“Morning, ma,” Fez said testing the waters with you. Normally when he’d catch you cooking in his kitchen, he would come up behind you and kiss your neck. But he didn’t want to make the mistake of touching you and making your madder right now. He didn’t think he could handle you pushing him away. 

Fez was met with silence as you grabbed a plate with some eggs already on it and placed the pancake down. “Come on, Y/N. I said I was sorry.” 

You still ignored him, putting the skillet into the sink then walking over to the table to sit down. You grabbed the syrup that was next to Ash and poured it over your pancakes. Fez looked around the kitchen and saw that there was no food for him. He sighed, his shoulders slumping. He grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and poured himself some cereal. Usually, he would sit next to you at the table, but he sat from across from you instead.

Ash looked up from his phone and eyed the both of you. He was sitting in the middle of you two and could feel the animosity.

The Mary song faded out, but another angsty one was up next. 

Baby Let Me Explain To You I'm Sayin

What You Sayin

It's Not Even Like That

It Wasn't Like That But I Saw You

Your eyes glanced up at Fez across the table from you but his eyes were already on you. Your eyes became angry as you glared at him then went back to your plate. Fez just sighed. Ash rushed to finish his food so he could hurry up and leave before things got more tense. 

It was almost noon now, so it was time for Marie’s bath. On weekend’s when you came over, you volunteered to help Fez with his grandma. You always called it girl time and you weren’t going to let your anger at her grandson stop that.

“You won’t believe what your grandson did now,” you spoke to the old woman. Just because she was bedridden and couldn’t speak, didn’t mean you couldn’t keep her updated on what was going on.

“He forgot that I was coming over,” you said as you moved the warm towel up and down her arm. “And on top of that, he went to a party. Without me!” 

As usual, you were met with silence. Fezco spoke so highly of his grandma when he first told you about her. Kitty was a badass. You hoped she would have liked you. Fez always said she would have loved you. 

“I know Mouse’s punk ass dumped more product on him than usual, but if Fez would have told me he was going, I wouldn’t have mind.” 

It was quiet for a moment. Just the sound of you dumping the towel back in the water then ringing it out. 

“I know this is mostly my issue of being forgotten and I’m making a big deal out it, but it hurts.”

You were so busy in your own head and giving Marie her bath that you didn’t hear Fez’s footsteps coming down the hall. He was at his grandmother’s door listening to everything you said. He was so upset with himself over the situation. There you were, giving his bedridden grandmother a sponge bath after he made you angry. Most people would have said screw it and not done anything for Fez. But that morning you made his brother breakfast and now this. God, he loved you. He had to find a way to make it up to you. 

After you were done with Marie, Ash convinced you to drive him to the mall so he could get some new shoes. You decided to make an afternoon of it since you weren’t planning on doing anything with Fez today. The two of you went to the movies after he bought his shoes. You paid for the tickets and he paid for the snacks. You told him he didn’t have to buy the snacks since you’re the one who decided to see a movie, but Ash insisted. Sometimes he would go to the movies with you and Fez, so he was just doing what he always saw. Fez would buy the tickets, and you would buy the snacks... well, sneak them in your purse. It was cute that Ash did that. You kissed him on the head and he wiped it off.

By the time you made it back to the O’Neil house, it was around 6. Ash asked you to drop him off at his friend’s place and said he would call you when he was ready to go. You were happy Ash was doing some normal child things, but you were bummed because that meant it would just be you and Fez. You started to think you should just forgive him. No point in holding out a grudge this pointless for too long. 

You used your key to get in and walked down the hall to drop your shopping bag by the couch, but the dim lighting and candles through you off. Cautiously, you looked around. It was way too quiet. 

You heard soft footsteps coming down the hall then turned to see your boyfriend in dress pants and a button down shirt holding your favorite flowers. 

“Hey,” Fez said softly.

“Hey,” you replied back just as soft. 

He walked closer to you then handed you the bouquet. “I got you these.”

You glanced down at the flowers then into Fez’s eyes as you reached out to grab the bouquet. Fez saw the small smile on your face and took that as a good sign. 

“I’m sorry, ma. I didn’t mean to forget our date or you comin’ over. It slipped my mind, but it ain’t gonna happen again.”

“I know, Fez. And I’m sorry, too,” you said, a hint of sadness in your voice.

Fez’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What you sorry fo’?”

You shook your head. “For ignoring you. For getting that mad at something so small.”

Fez walked closer to you shaking his head, grabbing your free hand. “Nah, you had a right to be mad. It was important to you that I remembered our date, and I didn’t. I don’t wanna ever make you feel bad and that’s what I did.”

Your hand tightened around Fez’s. Your eyes glanced around before they landed on Fez’s piercing eyes. “I just... I have issues with being forgotten about.” Fez slowly stepped in closer to you and you automatically leaned into him. He grabbed the flowers from your hand, placing them on the table so he could grab your other hand as well. You laid your head on his chest.

“You don’t have to worry about that with me, ma,” Fez said reassuringly, making you nuzzle in closer to him. “You, Ash, and Grandma are the most important people in my life. Even if I slip up n’ miss a date, I could never forget you. I love you too much.”

You let go of Fez’s hands and wrapped them around his waist squeezing him tightly. “I love you too.” 

Although you were no longer looking at him, Fez could hear it in your voice that were crying now. Fez wrapped one arm around you, and used his other to lift your face so he could look at you.

“Don’t cry, baby. You know I hate that.”

You sniffled, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I know. I just feel bad. I shouldn’t have ignored you.”

Fezco kissed your forehead, his lips lingering for just a moment. “It’s done. But let’s promise not to ignore each other, ‘kay?”

You nodded then exhaled trying to calm yourself down. “Okay.”

“Good,” Fez replied. He stepped back from you, your hands dropping down beside you, then he grabbed your hand and began leading you to your spot at the table. “Now, let’s enjoy this food I made.”

“You made this,” you asked smiling as you looked down at the delicious food in the center of the table. Fez could hear the doubt in your voice.

He pulled your chair out for you before he answered. “Well, I paid for it and put it on the nice glass plates. That’s basically makin’ it.”

“You made it look nice. You didn’t make it,” you corrected, giggling at him. You reached your hand out on top of the table once Fez sat down across from you. He took that as a sign you wanted to hold his hand. He reached out, his fingers interlacing with yours. “I love it though,” you told him. Your voice sweet like the syrup on a snow cone. “And I love you,” you added, squeezing his hand.

Fez’s lips curled up into a smile. He knows you mean it. Despite whatever happens, you always mean it.  “Love you too, ma.”

[blonkk]

feeling healthy. classic friday night crying unexpectedly because it just occurred to me that im almost 30 and ive spent the last 3 days alone with no one to talk to. im just in bed watching the simpsons wishing i had someone with me just to fucking watch the simpsons or stupid youtube comps. i’ve been seething because my roommate left days ago without telling me and he hasn’t cleaned a thing since i moved in so i’ve spent the past 2 days scrubbing the place clean which makes me resentful. he also left his aging dog here and she drives me insane and i didn’t sign up to be a dog owner but here we are. should i let her starve and shit in the house or do i just do the right thing and make sure shes fed. let her out when she screams at the door at all hours of the day night and morning. its been raining but stopped today so i left the house and spent 50$ on nothing and i still dont have a job and i just have to come up with new ways to spend my time with nothing to do no money no one to talk do on this shithole hill

like when you’re young and optimistic and idealistic you never think that sad loser is gonna be you. like no way i’m gonna be a sad friendless lonely freak of nature. no way im gonna be broke and jobless near 30.

and it just creeps up and like i’d do anything to get out of this but i just fail and fail and fail and i can’t find a way out. everything is just closing in on me rn. and if i go home to my parents i wont need to worry as much about money for the time being but what kind of back peddling is that….i spent my entire 20s working up the courage to move out completely and again im failing. i can’t go home anyways because believe it or not my situation is every worse there

and my parents are so scared for me…like they won’t say it but they’re ashamed and disappointed and they pity me which is honestly worse than anything else….i don’t want them to help me out of pity it feels like no one believes in me at all

which makes sense lol i don’t believe in myself either….i don’t excel at anything…..i can’t even get an entry level job in my field where i have experience…i can’t monetize anything else i do because im just not a very skilled person and its not self pity, or maybe it is, but like no one cares about art or whatever it is i like to do.

like i’ve felt like i’ve been fading away for a few years now as friends and family moved onto bigger and better and it’s just getting worse as time goes on…i don’t know what i want i’ve never known and it doesn’t even matter because i’ve never gotten anything i’ve wanted anyways. i just want to not be lonely. it’s so simple

i just want to disconnect from everyone and everything because i’m so beaten down by rejection and failure and isolation and despite good things these bad things compound and im so exhausted i don’t even care about what happens to me anymore

it’s so weird being this person you know people pity…that the worst part

i’m tying….i go outside…i exercise…i engage with my hobbies….i haven’t shut out my friends….i keep applying for work even though i feel this feeling of dread and know it wont go anywhere …i haven’t given up yet but im not really under any illusions that things will “get better” anymore

anyways i’m sorry for the boo hoo wah woe is me wahhhh moment im just so sick and tired of this relentless shit

[crygimethydgoode]

Just Take Me Home chapter 8 - Tia Kofi x La Grande Dame, Plane Jane x Nymphia Wind summer in Italy college abroad/tour guide AU

“It’s easy to say that. But just think, Jane. Tomorrow’s our last day in Amalfi. Then we’re going to the last city. THE LAST CITY. This is our last city that isn’t our last city. In a week, we’re gonna be packing up our stuff and only keeping what we need for the next couple of days! In a week, the sun is gonna start setting BEFORE seven pm!” Crystal doubled down, unaware of the other girls falling faces.

“It did today, actually. The sun is nearly gone,” Gothy pointed out.

“EXACTLY! It’ll be over sooner than you think. That’s all I’m saying. Ugh and then it’s stupid school time! Yawn!”

Dada pretended not to even hear Crystal, her and Tia were pretty far away anyways. But by the way her and Tia’s eyes immediately locked, the way the joint slipped out of her fingers and into the sea, of course they both heard.

“Sorry,” Dada muttered, quickly scooping up the now ruined joint.

Ao3 link:

Masterlist

Chapter eight

august/apocalypse - amalfi

your back beneath the sun

wishing i could write my name on it

…

“So sister… you know I respect your privacy…” Jane trailed off a few minutes into the bus ride from Naples to Sorrento. Dada had been sitting in a stunned silence since Gothy had pulled out of the parking lot. Nymphia, Tia, and Crystal’s loud laughter could be heard from the back of the bus, Dada swore she could hear Vanjie screeching;

“WAIT… YOU ALL JUST MET EACH OTHER??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE OLD FRIENDS OR SOMETHING!!! THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY!”

Dada knew of course Tia was talking about her like she had when they left Genoa for Rome, lips still burning. But it wasn’t because they had just kissed for the first time, or even that they had hooked up. That’s no surprise to anyone. No… Dada knew it was because Tia was thinking the same thing as her. Things were getting real, they were getting attached. Dada never did this, but here she was sending Jane a knowing grin, her insides squirming.

“You do not respect my privacy,” was all she could say, knowing she was gonna have to spill to Jane too. Dada tried to keep all details close to her chest. But she just couldn’t help it now.

“And I don’t respect you at all, Dada! It’s time. Spill everything,” Gothy ordered from behind the wheel, Dada just blushed and let out an embarrassing giggle, cheeks pink.

“Oh my GOD Dada you’re gonna make me cry!” Jane exclaimed, Dada just continued laughing as she lowered herself to sit on the little stoop beside the driver's seat, back resting against Jane’s legs in the aisle.

“You are so dramatic Jane. Nothing crazy is happening! We are just, well, you know, you see…” Dada trailed off, not knowing where to even begin. She felt like she could talk about Tia for hours, if they really wanted her to break down every moment, every passing glance, every weird activity with the group they’d planned as an excuse to be together just a little longer. Every second lit cigarette, every soft confession, every breath of salt air. She needed a whole Netflix series at this point. Or at least a PowerPoint presentation.

“Well I mean yeah we see you guys basically making out all the time. And then you abandon the group. And we know you’re sleeping together, like literally roommates at this point. But like… how did this even happen?” Jane implored.

“Braid my hair while I talk,” Dada handed Jane a hair tie, who dutifully put it on her wrist and started parting Dada’s hair down the middle. “Besides, what about you and Nymphia?! What is even going on between you two? Other than all the hickeys and bruises?”

“Okay Nymphia basically had me sign an NDA so I’m not talking. You are. When did it start? Like really really start?” Jane asked. Dada just let out a sigh, glad Jane and Gothy couldn’t see her face with a tiny soft smile. (Jane was absolutely watching her in the mirror and trying not to cry.)

“Venice,” Dada couldn’t hide the fondness in her voice if she wanted to, remembering passing Tia the cigarette as they walked to the hotel, pointing at the bridge they would cross the next morning. “I could not help but flirt with her, I don’t know why. We had only talked a little in Florence, and even then I- well I guess the second I saw her I thought she was beautiful… and funny. And loud. But yes, Venice. We partied in Lido, we spent the day together… things were different. I knew I liked her,” the minute Dada started speaking she couldn’t stop, relieved to finally say it out loud, that this hadn’t been some fantasy in her head.

“Oh yeah, didn’t you spend so much money on a gondola ride for her? That’s crazy Dada,” Gothy laughed, Dada smacked her leg lightly. “Don’t harm the driver, bitch!”

“Yeah Dada you’re canceled!” Jane cackled. “Okay anyways. Gothy’s right, that’s crazy. But alas, I understand. Then after Venice was Milan-,”

“No, not Milan. The Dolomites.” Dada said, Gothy and Jane both sighed.

“Aww shut up,” Jane whispered.

“I’ll cry,” Gothy sounded genuinely choked up.

“She was so beautiful in the mountains. We go every year, every Christmas that has been our town for almost three years. But Tia there… Yes, Dolomites, Cortina. And then Milan. We actually almost kissed. In my bed. But I passed out,” Dada admitted shortly, Jane and Gothy both burst out laughing. “Shut up!” Dada was blushing, still embarrassed of how badly she had fumbled Tia that night. They could have had so much more time.

“How do you pass out!? If I was Tia I would hate you!” Gothy got out between laughs. Dada rolled her eyes.

“We drank a lot! And smoked a lot of cigarettes! And it had been a long day, I- but whatever. Tia was fine. But of course Genoa happened, we shared rooms. It was torture,” Dada gave Jane a pointed look, who immediately spoke defensively.

“Hold up, that was not my fault! I don’t know why that went down. But we saved money, and I think I have a few tricks up my sleeve on how we’re gonna use it for the group,” she sounded excited, Dada couldn’t help but dread whatever weird shit she was planning. “Seriously girls. It’s a lot of money. I have plans. Just don’t tell Nymphia. ANYWAYS. Back to it, we go to Genoa, bla bla it sucks. Can I just say that Nymphia and I made it work just fine-,”

“OKAY back to me like you requested,” Dada interrupted Jane. “We did kiss in Genoa though. At the beach. Then we drove to Rome and finally had our own rooms again and now I guess we’ve just been… we’ve… been…” she struggled to find the words in French or English. What were they doing? Did she want to think about it too deeply? Definitely not. But she knew how it made her feel… “I really don’t know what we’ve been doing. I assume we’ve been doing what you and Nymphia have been doing, Jane,” Dada said helplessly, at a loss for words. The girls were silent for a few moments until Jane tenderly said;

“Falling… in… love?”

Dada and Gothy burst out laughing.

“WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!” Dada exclaimed, Gothy was cackling but trying really hard to focus on driving. Dada turned for a second to see Tia watching them, definitely wondering what had made the burst out laughing. She grinned as she caught Dada’s eye, just laughing as she shook her head at them before turning back to the conversation. Why would Jane say that?

“Well, you said you’re doing what me and Nymphia are doing…”

“Jane… honey… I love you and I love Nymphia. You need to take a few steps back and see the bigger picture though. I don’t know if you should call it that,” Gothy said so casually it almost knocked the wind out of Dada. But she just ignored it, patting Jane’s hand.

“That’s really sweet Jane. I wouldn’t immediately call it that though, no. We have just been having fun. A lot of fun. Tia is great, you girls know. She means a lot to me. I-I really like her. It’s weird. I like her,” Dada let herself say this part out loud. She almost couldn’t help it. Jane and Gothy were quiet for a few moments, Dada didn’t know what to make of their silence. All she knew was Tia was in the back of the bus talking about her too, and she had never felt like this before. Dada didn’t know what to make of any of this. “I want to change the subject now. What’s for dinner?”

“Some seafood restaurant, I don’t know, Nymphia picked it. She made the reservation and everything. She’s like- actually a good tour guide. It freaks me out,” Jane said, and then they were laughing again. It was only an hour drive to Sorrento, soon Gothy squeezed the bus into a cramped parking garage and they walked twenty minutes to the restaurant. Tia had rejoined Dada’s side, hand snaking around her waist as she lit two cigarettes for them.

“Appreciate our scenic walking tour of Sorrento as we make our way to the restaurant!! That I PICKED OUT!” Nymphia said from the front of the group. Of course Dada and Tia hung in the back, joined by Gothy.

“Imagine Nymphia discovers her true calling in Italy; being a tour guide,” Gothy said sarcastically, causing Tia and Dada to dissolve into giggles. “Kidding, she’s way too lazy. Every day would start with brunch at noon.”

“I CAN HEAR YOU GIRLS BACK THERE. FUCK YOU!” Nymphia yelled, causing them to laugh even harder. After twenty minutes of making their way through the narrow streets that cut into the jagged side of a cliff, like most seaside towns in Italy, Nymphia led them to the waterfront. Mount Vesuvius still loomed in the background like it did in Naples. After cutting down another side street and through a parking lot, Nymphia stopped to stand in front of a white washed stone building, blue dolphin statues on either side of the stairs leading inside.“Welcome to the cutest restaurant in the world!”

Dada walked inside with Nymphia, giving the name for their reservation that she had made. They were immediately led to the back of the restaurant, where a section of tables had been reserved for them. Tia, Dada, Jane, Nymphia, Crystal, and Gothy obviously grabbed the only table for six. The walls were completely made of glass, the ocean and island mountains visible on one side, with the port and busy streets of Sorrento on the other.

“Nymphia, I am genuinely impressed,” Dada said after ordering six Aperol spritz’ from their waitress.

“You girls are gonna have to give her a cut of your pay,” Tia laughed. By the evil glint in Nymphia’s eyes and the wide grin that spread on her face, Dada wished Tia hadn’t said that. “Okay I should NOT have said that,” Tia added. Dada just shook her head and laughed, her hand finding Tia’s thigh under the table. Soon their drinks were brought over and Nymphia insisted on ordering dishes for everyone to share,

“Family style!”

Gothy took one sip of her drink before her eyes widened.

“Oh shit! I can’t have this, we have the hell drive next!” She exclaimed, pushing the spritz towards Dada who happily took it. “Fuuuuuck how did I forget about that? Oh god,” Gothy groaned. Dada leaned forward and squeezed her hand.

“Gothy, you do such a good job all the time. You will be fine, I promise,”

“I can’t even eat anymore. I feel sick.”

“Wait- what’s wrong? What’s the hell drive?” Crystal asked. Tia sat there confused, and Nymphia sat on her phone not listening to the conversation, Jane’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. Thankfully Jane explained so Gothy wouldn’t have to.

“The drive to Amalfi. It’s the most scenic drive of the trip, we’re driving on the ocean cliffside, getting the most gorgeous sunset views of the sea and the sky and… it’s just stunning. And really special for all of us to see. But for Gothy…” she trailed off.

“It is traumatic,” Gothy answered dead seriously. “It’s only my third time doing it. And somehow last summer was worse than my first. The roads are so windy, worse than in the Dolomites. And stupid tourists have their cars parked on literally both sides of the street, that are already so fucking tiny. So if things go bad, I can either crash into a car, and they go so fast by the way, or I can crash into the ocean. Because it’s on the edge of a cliff. So yeah. It’s a hell drive. The views are beautiful though, I guess…” Gothy trailed off. “I need a Diet Coke.”

“Damn… well… I believe in you. Just don’t kill us! No big deal, people drive the road everyday, how bad can it be!?”

“Tia… don’t piss me off.”

_

After a few rounds of Aperol spritz’ (Diet Coke and water for Gothy #responsible), and a bunch of sea food and pasta dishes that Nymphia chose for everyone, they began the walk back to the bus. Tia and Dada, both a little tipsy, once again hung in the back with Gothy, who was staring at the ground for the whole twenty minute walk, muttering to herself. They were trying and failing to hold back their giggles, foreheads knocking as they shushed each other, hands entwined. Dada tried not to grin too wide as Tia kept pressing what she thought were sneaky kisses to her neck, which of course caused them both to stumble and burst out laughing.

“Well I’m glad you two are at least having fun,” Gothy couldn’t help but smile a little the third time they stumbled in a heap of giggles. Dada pulled Gothy in, putting a comforting arm around her.

“Gothy you are so wonderful. I have never felt unsafe in your hands. Except that one night at the club when you were getting violent,” she couldn’t help but tease Gothy, Tia’s loud cackles were too worth hearing.

“YOU were the one feeding me alcohol!” Gothy burst out laughing. Dada noticed Jane, Crystal and Nymphia hanging back, the bus was in sight at this point.

“What are you girls giggling about?? I want in!” Jane said excitedly, going to Gothy’s other side. Dada and Crystal both pulled cigarette packs out of their totes, lighting a few and beginning to pass them around.

“Just about how safe Dada has always felt in my loving, caring arms. And driver hands. I’m gonna crush this drive. I just need a silent bus. And aux.” Gothy did sound less anxious, Dada couldn’t tell if she was faking or not. But she loved the confidence.

“Okay well it was my turn in the aux rotation, and I won’t have it again until Friday morning. But that’s fine! Of course Gothy, anything for you,” Jane said, not disappointed. At all.

“Ugh Gothy silent bus?? Seriously?!? How am I gonna order Crystal to get my good angle when we have our photoshoot?” Nymphia bitched, Gothy let out a huff of a laugh.

“Okay well that I completely understand. It’s fine, I’m gonna be fine. Let’s just get this over with, I don’t wanna be driving in the dark. That’s even worse.”

Soon Jane was ushering everyone onto the bus, talking in a very soothed relaxed annoying voice as Gothy pulled the bus onto the street, ‘Brat’ playing softly over the speakers. Dada once again sat on the stoop next to Gothy’s seat in silent solidarity. Tia sat in the seat behind her, toying with the end of her French braid.

“Alright my friends,” Jane barely whispered into the microphone. “Tonight, we are in for a treat. A little snack if you will. A sunset snack. For we are driving on one of the most scenic roads in Italy. The hour long drive from Sorrento to the town of Amalfi is so heavily traveled, there are only certain times tour busses are allowed to drive it. Also because it’s so dangerous. Our fearless bus driver Gothy will be completing the dangerous, horrifying, but equally beautiful and breathtaking drive with ease. But she does request complete silence so she can focus on not killing us. Because we’re driving on the edge of a cliff. An ocean cliff. So! Take pictures, soak it all in, shut the fuck up. Thanks guys! LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR GOTHY!”

The bus cheered and Gothy gave a ghost of a smile, grabbing the microphone from Jane.

“Appreciate the views for me guys. They always look so pretty out of the corner of my tear filled eye.”

And before Dada knew it, she was greeted with the same views she was every year. The ocean on the Amalfi coast was a deep blue like no one had even seen before, the rolling mountains and ocean cliffs hazy in the distance. But this time they were accompanied by Tia’s hand lightly grasping Dada’s shoulder as she let out a soft gasp.

“Holy shit…” Dada heard Tia whisper from behind her. She couldn’t help but give a small smile and turn to look at her.

“So pretty,” Dada whispered back, looking up at Tia, who took out her phone, leaning back and taking a picture of Dada with the deep blue ocean and the sun just beginning to set behind her.

“I think that’s the most beautiful picture I’ve ever taken,” Tia grinned, Dada just rolled her eyes.

“Shut up,” she said softly. Dada turned when she heard Gothy start speaking.

“Dada… if the girls want pictures up front, they should do them now. I’m gonna start panicking soon. So they should do them now.”

After the most rushed photoshoot of Dada’s life, she knew she had to focus on being there for Gothy, who was starting to sweat, tears in her eyes.

“Gothy, you are doing fine. And it’s not as busy as it was last year…” Dada tried to be helpful, which of course was when a huge red truck came whipping around the corner, nearly going into their lane. Gothy was barely able to swerve to avoid hitting it, since obviously a thin thin guard rail and the ocean was where she needed to swerve. “Holy fucking shit,” Dada couldn’t help but breathe, which actually made Gothy burst out laughing.

“That was horrible!” She giggled, leaning forward to turn up the music. “I’m letting Charli drown out my thoughts- oh! Dada, can you queue the Lorde and Billie remix’s?! Those are important.”

Luckily ‘Brat’ kept Gothy calm enough, and there weren’t that many drivers left out on the road. And the sunset was so beautiful, Dada glancing back to lock eyes with Tia and send her a grin every now and then. After an hour of Jane hushing Nymphia, Tia rubbing soft circles on Dada’s back, and Crystal and Nymphia giggling about something, Gothy pulled into the hotel parking lot. The minute the bus was parked she ran off, an impressed Jane and Dada following behind her.

“Gothy this year was your best drive yet! I’m so proud of you sister!” Jane exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Dada was distracted by Tia, Crystal, and Nymphia stumbling off the bus in a heap of giggles. She walked up to them with an already questioning face, causing them to laugh even harder. Nymphia roughly pushed Crystal forward, who just looked up at Dada.

“Dadaimsorryistoleyourweed,” she said in one breath, a scared look on her face. Dada just looked at her.

“And you’ll NEVER GET IT BACK!!!” Nymphia exclaimed, a blunt tucked behind her ear. Dada noticed Crystal had one peeking out from under her long curly hair, and of course Tia did too. How did she miss that?

“BECAUSE I rolled us three fat blunts baby, YOU EARNED IT!” Crystal finished, her face breaking into a grin.

“Don’t worry, Jade mailed us soooo many edibles, they’re arriving tomorrow. And she has a friend who can get us another ounce for 150. I figured now that there’s six of us, it’s a good investment. And Crystal bought sooo many blunt cones. ” Jane cut in, Crystal laughed.

“They’re literally just cigars that I emptied, but yes, blunt cones.” She clarified. “We’ll be needing them.”

“You’re correct, we will be needing plenty, especially for all the beach days,” Dada grinned. “I have the perfect smoke spot for those too. Nymphia- I am sorry,” she turned to Nymphia, who was already glaring at her.

“Don’t even say it.”

“How do we feel about a small hike?”

“Fuck you.”

Dada didn’t even choose a bad trail, it was just a short walk to a lookout point by the water. It was even owned by the hotel, it’s not like they were out in the wilderness or anything. But alas, even the easiest of trails required breaks with this group.

“Nymphia.”

“I just need a sip of water and TWO MINUTES!” Nymphia had sat down on a small boulder. “This looks like such a good sitting rock…”

“No. Come on, we’re not fucking around anymore,” Jane said, not meanly. “I will literally drag you, but we gotta keep moving. Up.” Nymphia glared at her, expression shocked and confused as she slowly rose to her feet and stomped forward. Dada gave Jane an impressed look.

“No more fake nice Jane?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Uhhh no… no more bitchy Nymphia,” Jane corrected Dada. From behind them, Crystal and Tia burst out laughing.

“You hear that, Nymphia?” Crystal wheezed. Nymphia turned around, face red and angry.

“YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE ALL BITCHES! FUCK YOU I’M SMOKING THIS BLUNT ALL BY MYSELF!”

Suddenly, like she was an Olympic athlete, Nymphia broke off in a dead-sprint towards the small look-out point only a few hundred yards away. It took a moment for any of them to react, all looking to each other in confusion before sprinting after her. Tia’s hand flew to the blunt tucked behind her ear, holding it as she ran.

“NOW YOU CAN MOVE?” Jane laughed wildly, not taking long at all to catch up with Nymphia, picking her up by wrapping arms around her waist. Nymphia kicked frantically, giggling as Jane carried her the last few steps to the lookout point.

“Put me down you bitch!”

Through the trees, they entered a small clearing with a view of a rocky shore below them. Nobody was there, or seemed to be there anytime soon.

“Did you guys see me back there? Jane says I was pretty fast,” Nymphia boasted, having already found the best “sitting rock” at the lookout point. She pulled a blunt out, handing it to Crystal to light. “So Jane, what even is the plan for this week? Are we just going to the beach?” Nymphia asked neutrally, but Dada didn’t trust her. And Jane definitely didn’t either.

“Well, yeah the beach. And the town is cute, there are a few museums we could-,” Nymphia immediately cut Jane off, an evil grin on her face.

“ALRIGHT SO I HAVE AN IDEA FOR TOMORROW!”

“Oh no…”

“Because tomorrow, we’re gonna rent a boat!” She exclaimed. Everyone just looked at her blankly. Crystal lit the blunt, inhaling deeply.

“Nymphia, that’s stupid. I’ll contribute fifteen dollars.” She passed the blunt to Jane, who was dumbfounded.

“No- Crystal you will not be wasting your spending money on a stupid boat that’s gonna be impossible to get,” Jane said quickly.

“IT’S AMALFI, JANE!” Nymphia yelled.

“Yeah, in peak tourist season! A boat is gonna be so expensive. No offense, but Crystal’s contribution of fifteen bucks isn’t gonna cut it for a boat. Especially the kind of boat you want, Nymphia.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Nymphia couldn’t help but grin as she glared at Jane.

“I’ll contribute one hundred pounds!” Tia said, finally chiming in. Dada’s head whipped to look at her.

“You’re joking,” she sighed, smile on her face.

“She’s not gonna actually get the boat-”

“OKAY OKAY OKAY hypothetically speaking, Gothy, if I were to get a boat, could you… Captain it? Drive it? The boat? Maybe donate a little cash money?” Nymphia rounded on Gothy, who absolutely did not want the attention to be on her. Everyone turned, waiting for her response. Nymphia was just looking at her with all the hope in her eyes, Jane shook her head, glaring at Gothy mouthing no, and Tia, Dada, and Crystal were cackling in the background as always.

“What makes you think I can drive it?” Gothy asked, bewildered by the entire situation.

“Well you can drive that huge bus, of course you can drive a boat,” Nymphia shrugged. Dada frowned. What an odd stereotype.

“Well… yes, I can.” Gothy admitted. “I’ll buy drinks if you get the boat.”

“Gothy!” Jane groaned, head in her hands. “Still. $115 dollars isn’t going to pay for a boat for the day. It just won't. Case closed.” Nymphia frowned at Jane, eyes sparkling.

“But if I call my mom…” her frown broke into a shit-eating grin. “And my dad…”

“No fucking way,” Jane shook her head. Dada was glad Nymphia didn’t know they had extra budget money for the trip.

“Watch me.” And Dada couldn’t even listen to their conversation anymore because she was laughing so hard with Crystal and Tia. Tia standing behind Dada, arm slung around her shoulder, laughing into the crook of her neck. Dada had hoped that she would’ve gotten used to this by now, that her heart wouldn’t jump every time Tia touched her like that. Maybe that was just because it was Tia.

“You know what. Try. Try your fucking hardest Nymphia. I’ll believe it when I see it.” And with that, Jane began hiking back to the hotel. The blunt was out anyway, so they all followed. As Dada walked, the exhaustion from the day began to settle over her. She dragged her feet all the way up the stairs and into her hotel room, Tia following right behind her.

“Tired?” Tia asked with a smirk.

“Only a little,” Dada smirked back, pulling her towards the bed. “Besides, tomorrow is museum day,” she rolled her eyes, pulling Tia’s tube top off over her head, letting her own tiny sundress drop to the floor.

“Oh so we’re gonna ditch? We can sleep in?” Tia asked, gently nudging Dada to lay down, running her hands down her already bare sides.

“Exactly.”

“Then let’s stay up all night.”

“Exactly.”

_

Tia and Dada woke tangled together the next morning, still in the afterglow from the night before. This was unfortunately to the sound of Nymphia pounding on the door, sun barely up. They both found a sheet to wrap around themselves. Nymphia kept knocking as they hobbled to the door, exhausted.

“AY! We hear you!” Dada yelled, voice weak and raspy. Nymphia didn’t stop knocking until they opened the door. When the door opened, Tia and Dada were met with not only Nymphia, but also Crystal, Jane and Gothy. They all wore matching purple bikinis under sundresses. Crystal had a picnic basket as well as a life jacket. Jane held a large bag with sunscreen, packed lunches, “gear” (?), and a first aid kit. She also held Nymphia’s mini Gucci backpack, and personal “beach bag” and wore sunglasses on her head. Gothy was eating a green apple and holding a shopping bag that she wordlessly handed to Dada. Nymphia held nothing in her hands, and she had the best fit by far. She wore a red mini skirt with a blue and white striped tube top. She stood leg beveled dramatically, hand on hip.

“My mom thinks I’m depressed and my dad thinks I’m getting bullied by a ‘mean girl’ named Jane. And we have a boat until 8pm. Gothy is the captain. Here are your bathing suits! Let’s GO!”

“Nymphia, maybe you should ask your parents for more spending money instead.” Dada suggested weakly in a last ditch attempt to spend the day in bed next to Tia’s golden body. And why were they being forced to wear matching bathing suits?

“I don’t need it. You saw my Gucci haul. I have everything I need.”

_

“WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” Nymphia hollered as Gothy started the boat. People on the pier looked over confused, Dada sent apologetic smiles to each one.

“Nymphia, at least be quiet till we’re out of the bay…” Gothy pleaded.

“Nymphia, honestly… great job on the boat!” Crystal exclaimed.

“I know!” Nymphia laughed maniacally. “It was so easy! Jane is just dramatic and didn’t want to go on a boat like a loser!”

“Yeah! You’re just boring, Jane!” Tia giggled. Dada couldn’t help but chuckle along. “Nymphia. I’m so not paying you for this.”

“YOU DON’T NEED TO!!! My parents covered the WHOLE thing. AND LOOK WHAT GOTHY BOUGHT US!!!” Nymphia cheered. On cue, Crystal opened the picnic basket she was holding to reveal two handles of Jägermeister and way too many Red Bulls. And of course the other leftover liquor from the beach days before. “Gothy you can find us a nice cove to fuck around in for a few hours, drink and party, give yourself an hour to sober up and we’ll be on our merry way. God, I’m gonna get so many good sunset photos. But we can do shots while Gothy finds us a cool cove.”

“Nymphia, it’s 10am,” Jane said.

“Jane. Don’t be such a bitch,” Nymphia replied as she threw back a shot and gagged, holding onto Jane as Gothy began to speed up the boat. The bow tilted upward, and every so often Gothy let out a whoop as they jumped over a wave. Dada watched as Tia and Crystal held onto their seats in the front for dear life as they poured straight Jäger down their throats. Soon enough they had found a spot in the cove where they could sit out for a while, a few yards away from a large cliff that connected out to the beach.

“That was fucking terrifying!” Tia giggled as she walked over to Dada, Jäger and a Red Bull in hand. “Who knew they’d have this shit in Italy! Have you ever done a Jägerbomb?”

Dada just grinned as she shook her head “no”, looking up at Tia cutting through the sun.

“Good, you’ll love them. We don’t have any of the cups, so only dirty Jägerbombs for us. But they taste like nothing, especially in the water,” Tia explained diligently. Dada wondered if Tia could feel her watching, staring too fondly as she poured equal parts Jäger and Red Bull. She wordlessly took the cup from Tia and sent it back, and Tia was right, it really tasted like nothing.

“These are dangerous,” Dada mused, lips burning. Tia just laughed as she poured another. Across the boat, Crystal had already jumped into the water. Nymphia cheered for her and took off her clothes to reveal a bright pink bikini underneath. The other girls, who were in matching purple bikinis Nymphia had forced them to wear, (and charged them for on Venmo) gaped at her.

“WHAT THE FUCK NYMPHIA?!” Crystal screamed.

“What?! I thought it would look cute for insta!! You know, like I’d be in the middle!? I was gonna make it my cover photo on Facebook girls, for my family to see. Come on!” Nymphia defended herself. Dada and Tia were cackling, even more so when they saw the tender look on Jane’s face.

“You want your family to know who I am?” Jane asked sweetly, wrapping an arm around Nymphia’s waist, looking up at her.

“Well… no. That’s not the point. Anyways, Crystal, is the water nice?!!!” Nymphia turned to Crystal, who had been twirling and swimming around in silence.

“It’s actually not that cold, I promise! Jump in Nymphie! So I can drown you!!!” She called to Nymphia, who was standing arms crossed over her body.

“I don’t trust you! That’s what you say every time!” Nymphia whined. “Besides, my hair looks good I don’t wanna fuck it up. We haven’t even taken pictures yet.”

“I agree, Nymphia! Come over and do more Jägerbombs with us!” Dada called. Nymphia ran over, leaving Jane to jump into the water with Crystal.

“We have this bitch till eight, so you don’t stop drinking until 7, Gothy!” Nymphia cheered, then poured and threw back her fourth dirty jäger of the day.

“I’ll stop at 6. And maybe you should too. You’re already terrifying me,” Gothy joked (mostly).

“We’re on a BOAT what else am I supposed to do?” Suddenly, Nymphia’s eyebrows snapped up. Dada didn’t like that look. “That reminds me! Jane! Where’s our GEAR!” Her head whipped to send Dada and Tia a mischievous smile.

“Ew what gear did you freaks bring?” Tia asked, pouring Dada another drink.

“It’s in the black cooler! With the strap!” Jane called, doggy paddling around the boat.

“Yes!!!” Nymphia giggled, opening the cooler to reveal their smoke set-up.

“Oh thank god,” Tia sighed. Dada laughed from beside her, sending her drink back. She could already feel the all too familiar burning in her chest and Dada’s hands wandered to either side of Tia’s waist. Tia leaned back into the touch, Dada’s head rested on her shoulder.

“Should I do it guys? Should I try to roll?” Nymphia said, already going for the papers.

“No! We only have so many papers and I don’t trust you! Let me,” Dada said, reluctantly moving away from the warmth of Tia’s body.

“Alright, then I’m jumping in,” Tia shrugged, easily peeling the dress she was wearing and tossing it to Dada’s feet with an evil wink. Dada swore she was burning hotter than the sun, also suddenly wanting to swim. Tia ran and jumped in in one swift motion, hollering all the way as she sent the boat back rocking.

“Weed can wait!” Dada said to Nymphia as she followed suit, abandoning her dress on top of Tia’s and diving in after her. Dada crashed into the water, and everything turned silent for a moment. Above her she could hear muffled laughter from Tia, Crystal, and Jane. Inside the buzz had set in and Dada couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off her face. Who knew she could be jumping in head first like this.

“That was really graceful…” Tia giggled.

“Shut up!” Dada said, splashing her.

“Listen up bitches! I’m gonna leave your asses if you all don’t catch up to me! This is my third! Crystal, I’m not sure if you even had one? You jumped in as soon as we stopped.” Gothy began passing down cups into the water. “Don’t fucking spill it! I’m not going to be the cause of a biohazard.”

_

“Nymphia” Tia whispered, horrified, giggling uncontrollably as she repeatedly slapped Nymphia, who was failing at rolling a joint.

“Shhh… Sh…. Shhhhh… Gothy is going to hear us! Be quiet! Shh!” Nymphia shushed vigorously, vaguely twisting the paper holding too much weed in either direction. “Jane made it look so easy in Venice…”

“NYMPHIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Gothy yelled, jaw dropped. The sky around them was swirling as she drunkenly stared down at the joint attempting to be rolled.

“I'M DOING GOOD! LET ME TRY, LET ME LEARN!” Nymphia whined. It was well past noon by now, and everyone was officially too drunk to swim without a life jacket. A little bit of puke (courtesy of a seasick Jane) had floated off about 20 feet in the distance, they could still see it vaguely.

“You’re not doing good! Your sweaty hands are making the paper disintegrate,” Dada exclaimed, eyes close to the joint.

“Ew! No I’m not! That’s gross!”

“You have been rolling it for fifteen minutes…” Tia muttered, giggling.

“Let- let me…” Dada returned to the joint she had abandoned that morning.

“FINE! Do better! Please try!” Nymphia bitched, going to sit on Jane’s lap. Dada had the joint rolled in a couple minutes, holding it up cockily to show Nymphia..

“You wish you were me,” she smirked with the utmost confidence. Tia just laughed wildly, pulling out her phone and starting to record Dada on Snapchat.

“OKAYYYYY DADA! Look at that gorgeous fucking spliff! You are so fucking hot for that-,”

“TIA GET ME GET ME!” Nymphia roughly grabbed Tia’s phone, forcing her to turn around and film her. All Nymphia did was light a cigarette, but she was obviously trying to sexily flip her wet hair and send a wink to the camera. ”Italy is on fire baby,” she said in vocal fry, all the girls burst out laughing. Dada watched as Tia posted the video to her private story.

“Ooh Tiaaaaaaa, are your friends gonna know who Dada is when they see that snap???” Crystal giggled, taking the cigarette from Nymphia. Dada turned to look at Tia, eyebrows raised with a teasing grin. Tia just giggled shyly, rolling her eyes at Crystal while the rest of the girls laughed.

“That’s so out of pocket Crystal!” She laughed.

“SHE’S NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION!!!” Jane exclaimed, slinging an arm around Tia’s waist, gazing up at her. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“They don’t, because they’re not nosy bitches like you guys and I don’t feel the need to tell them everything. Also cause I’ve been lowkey ignoring them. I like you girls a lot better, honestly,” Tia said honestly, and Dada just gave Tia a fond smile.

“I haven’t told my roommates who Tia is, they have seen only pictures from Instagram. Because they are gossiping whores and I know between Jane and Gothy they already know everything!” Dada laughed at the shocked looks on Gothy and Jane’s faces, knowing she was absolutely correct.

“Well… they deserve to know! And for what it’s worth, they think it’s really cute and think Tia is really hot. So- There. You. Go. I refuse to apologize,” Jane said defensively while everyone continued to laugh.

“You’ve been hanging around Nymphia too much!” Crystal exclaimed.

“No, Nymphia’s been around Jane too much! This is the real her!” Gothy pointed out, Dada couldn’t help but agree. Nymphia and Jane were more similar than Tia or Crystal would ever know.

“HOW DO YOU TWO LIVE WITH JANE???!” Tia implored. At this point Dada was unashamed, pushing Jane away from Tia, replacing her spot by her side. They fit together too easily, both their arms instantly going to loop around eachother’s waists, heads resting together.

“It’s helpful having six girls in one house, there are too many chaotic personalities to keep track of,” Dada said to Tia, who just turned to face her, silently laughing.

“Your life sounds chaotic,” Tia muttered, Dada just laughed and caught her gaze, staring deep into her eyes.

“That’s why I like you so much.”

“Yeah?” Tia asked, Dada shot her a wink.

“Yeah.”

Tia just grinned at Dada lazily, yet so beautifully. And Dada wanted to kiss her so badly, in front of everyone without a care. They’d done it before, but not on a tiny boat… But she wanted to so bad. Tia stared back at her, still smiling.

“What’re you thinking about?” She asked wickedly. Of course she knew. Dada’s mouth went to answer, but stopped abruptly. Dumbfounded, she didn’t know what to do besides shake her head and laugh at Tia. Cracked once again.

“Can you light that thing?” Nymphia called from across the boat. Dada was still holding the joint.

“Yeah,” she said, eyes locked with Tia’s.

_

After smoking the joint, Nymphia naturally got the munchies.

“I can see all the little restaurants on the beach! I can see the fancy drinks! Pull up there Gothy! Up there!” She called, now crossed.

“Are you gonna be able to function like a human?” Jane asked her.

“Uhhh no? We’re on a beach in Amalfi, they’re expecting us to be drunk.”

Tia laughed at that.

“I’ll come with you Nymphia. I want shaved ice, they gotta have it here,” Gothy said, steering the boat toward shore.

“I’ll chaperone because I don’t trust you two,” Jane said.

“I’m coming too!” Crystal sang, shooting Dada a wink who smiled, and swore she could hear Tia grinning behind her as she said.

“I’ll hang back here and watch the boat.”

“Same,” Dada said easily. Once close enough to touch, Nymphia, Jane, Crystal, and Gothy jumped out and made their way to shore. With no time to waste, Dada turned to Tia, who was making her way over to her. Their lips instantly met, hungrily.

“Boats have bathrooms, that’s a thing, right?” Tia asked between kisses. Dada just hummed into her lips, already moving and pulling Tia by the string of her bikini bottoms. They dropped down slightly and slid into the tiny bathroom, with just enough room for Tia to lean back on the sink and for Dada’s back to be pressed against the wall behind her. It was tight quarters, but that was fine. Dada just needed to feel Tia, at least kiss her. What was it about being crossed that made her more obsessed with Tia than ever? She just wanted to kiss every inch of her skin, leave bruises down her neck, Dada was sure she could never get enough of this. Tia laughed wickedly as it became clear that the bathroom was not the best idea.

It was unbearably hot in there and they both had to hunch over in order to not hit their heads on the low ceiling. Still, after a drunken day of trying to keep their hands off each other, this was needed. A sigh escaped Tia’s lips and Dada knew for sure she could never tell the girls about this, they would freak out too hard. Shit. Dada couldn’t say any of this out loud, so she just held onto Tia tighter, their lips moving in a found rhythm.

What was Tia thinking?

Was she as obsessed and entranced as Dada was? Did that really matter? Tia tugged hair at the nape of Dada’s neck, tilting her head further upward as Dada’s other hand slipped under Tia’s jaw, and Dada knew she was. Tia’s lips moved down to Dada’s neck, sending shivers all through her body. In a miscommunication of mind and mouth, Dada rasped;

“You are too fucking perfect, Tia.” She regretted it the second the words left her mouth. Surely Tia would laugh at her, Dada would laugh at her, it was so corny. Instead, Dada just peered down to see a blush settled on Tia’s cheeks. She grinned, throwing her head back to allow Tia more access to her neck. Eventually, there was a mutual pull away, both gasping for air. The girls were due back any moment, and they were both sweating grossly. They finally caught each other’s eye after a moment of gathering themselves. They both chuckled sheepishly, maybe a little shy in ways.

“I need a shot after that,” Tia laughed, breaking any sort of tension lingering between them. Dada laughed too, slapping Tia’s ass playfully as she pushed out of the bathroom first, racing to the alcohol.

_

Their boat day concluded at sunset, Gothy driving back to port gently, as to not make the hungover members on board irritated.

“We made it through the whole day without any of us trying to do the Titanic thing?” Tia wondered out loud from beside Dadaa.

“Don’t jinx it,” Dada said, turning to look at Tia. She felt Tia’s fingers intertwine with her own, looking down she couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. Tia would’ve teased her if she wasn’t smiling too. They dropped the boat off at 8pm sharp, just in time to catch the last of the sunset. They walked for a while along the beach, eventually finding a spot just off enough for no people passing by to see. Nymphia dragged her feet through the sand, eventually sitting on a big piece of beach wood.

“I’m gonna vomit.”

They settled quickly, lighting another joint Dada had rolled on the boat. Across the sea, the sun was beginning to sink, its colors melting into the water. The smoke from the joint blended in with the swirling clouds in the sky. Tia grinned and rested her head on Dada’s shoulder, she felt like she was in a movie. They took their own joint and wandered over to the water, standing ankles deep as Dada lit it in Tia’s mouth. A blissful silence fell over the group for a few minutes. Maybe for the first time in the entire trip, their group found a shared moment of peace. Then, of course…

“Girls I just realized something. It’s Thursday. Next Thursday, it’s gonna be like… almost the end of the trip. We really only have one week of the trip left, if you think about it. Then the semester starts,” Crystal said, accepting the joint from Gothy.

“Well, not really, no. We have nine days left Crystal. That’s a long time! Don’t get sad now sister, that’s just stupid,” Jane said dismissively. Crystal shook her head.

“It’s easy to say that. But just think, Jane. Tomorrow’s our last day in Amalfi. Then we’re going to the last city. THE LAST CITY. This is our last city that isn’t our last city. In a week, we’re gonna be packing up our stuff and only keeping what we need for the next couple of days! In a week, the sun is gonna start setting BEFORE seven pm!” Crystal doubled down, unaware of the other girls falling faces.

“It did today, actually. The sun is nearly gone,” Gothy pointed out.

“EXACTLY! It’ll be over sooner than you think. That’s all I’m saying. Ugh and then it’s stupid school time! Yawn!”

Dada pretended not to even hear Crystal, her and Tia were pretty far away anyways. But by the way her and Tia’s eyes immediately locked, the way the joint slipped out of her fingers and into the sea, of course they both heard.

“Sorry,” Dada muttered, quickly scooping up the now ruined joint.

“‘S okay,” Tia said back, a small smile on her face. “So… nine days…” she trailed out. Dada huffed, not bothering to make it sound like a laugh.

“Yes. We have nine days.”

“Until you leave,” Tia simply said. Dada couldn’t pretend to ignore the dread in her chest.

“Until I leave,” Dada sounded defeated, she basically was, wasn’t she? Tia’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, and even if it did, it wouldn’t be a happy one.

“Nine days.” They could hear Jane, Nymphia, Gothy, and Crystal talking, but the silence between them was deafening. Tia shook her head, letting out a breath. “Let’s just make the most of it?” She finally said, though it was more of a question, and all Dada could do was nod, digging another joint out of her tote and lighting it.

“Let's make the most of it,” she handed it to Tia, and they both walked back to the group without a word. Tia sat between Crystal and Nymphia on the log and they were all immediately laughing together, Dada wished she could be like them, able to completely ignore the bad and be in the present. Even Jane was having a good time even though Dada could see her bouncing knee, could see her zone out deep in thought every time Crystal had a bit go on too long. She was in her head about leaving Nymphia too.

As for Tia… she seemed perfectly fine. She was probably fine with having this week together and then never seeing Dada again. Dada was supposed to be fine with it too, she always knew this would be the end. But was she really just supposed to leave and forget everything? Just like that? All six of the girls were dead quiet as they walked back to the hotel, Dada figured they were probably spiraling about the same thing. That made her feel a bit better.

“I’m gonna take a shower, okay?” Tia said once they were in Dada’s hotel room. She had a key to her own room but it would go untouched, she had put all her luggage in with Dada’s the day before, who couldn’t help but grin, her stomach dipping.

“I will join you,” Dada nodded, grabbing a new towel from her suitcase. She tried to ignore the empty feeling in her chest, knowing it was silly to care about Crystal’s little speech. As she stepped into the shower with Tia, Dada did feel a little foolish. She really hadn’t processed the trip ending. Or she knew it would end, but she hadn’t really thought about her days with Tia ending. And now it was all she could think about. Even as Tia slid a soapy hand down her bare back, pulling her closer under the shower water, Dada’s mind raced. What was going to happen in nine days? They were really just going to say goodbye, it was really just going to be over? All over?

But then what was the other option? Dada always kept the whole tour so separated from her real life, like they were in two completely different parts of her brain. Dada lived a completely different life when she was on tour, basically disassociated from everything but counting down the days til she could go back to the vineyard. Perugia was supposed to mark the end of her summer. And then came Tia. Fuck. Eventually they crawled into bed without a word, Tia just laying down as Dada threw both their towels to the ground, settling between her legs.

“I wanted you so bad today,” Tia breathed, running a hand through Dada’s wet hair.

“Believe me, I know,” Dada pressed a kiss to Tia’s thigh. “I want you all the time,” she couldn’t help but whisper. She enjoyed the sounds of Tia’s quickened sighs, finally finding a good distraction from all the thoughts that had been racing through her head. That was until they were asleep an hour later, holding on tight to each other. Or at least Tia was asleep and Dada was pretending she was. She could feel the rise and fall of Tia’s chest pressed against her back. Dada let herself think. Nine days left. Well… eight if you really think about it… she decided to pretend it was still nine, that just felt nice. What had even happened in the last nine days? Hadn’t she just recounted it all to Jane and Gothy?

Dada counted the days back with her fingers, realizing nine days ago they had almost kissed in Milan, drunk and “forced” to share Dada’s bed. And now here they were, Tia’s hotel room still locked, untouched, her shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub next to Dada’s, towel thrown on the floor next to hers. In nine days she basically had already lived a whole love story.

How had all of that happened in just over a week? A week in Italy with Tia felt like a whole lifetime… Dada felt almost dramatic falling for her so fast. But the minute she met Tia she felt like she already knew her (Do you see what she meant, so dramatic.) Whatever. If Dada had a whole nine days with Tia, then she didn’t have to hurt for… at least a week. For seven days Dada would just soak up Tia. And then she could be sad. They had so much time. But what Dada didn’t realize as she finally let herself fall asleep, is that the minute you realize time is moving a certain way, the universe proves you wrong and switches everything up on you.

Dada woke up and before she could even open her eyes she wanted to cry a little. She kept seeing flashes of the dreaded future. Of her and Tia eventually saying goodbye, wrapped tight in each other's arms one last time. Of watching Tia’s life through her instagram stories, forced to be content to never see her again. It was unavoidable. When Dada finally opened her eyes though, Tia was already dreamily staring at her.

“Morning,” Dada whispered, letting herself get lost in Tia’s eyes.

“C’mere,” Tia muttered, a single finger under Dada’s chin pulling her in. Only Tia could make the pit of dread in her stomach feel like pure bliss. But even as she trailed light kisses down Dada’s neck, the French girl was just laying there thinking, we only have a week. Already. How?

Dada was grateful when Jane knocked on the door, three light taps signifying breakfast time. “Jane’s such a pussy,” Tia groaned, Dada didn’t find it that funny. She laughed anyway.

“I’ll see you down there.”

_

“You look like you need to cry,” Jane sat down next to Dada with her breakfast at the table, a worried look on her face.

“W-what?” Dada stammered, absolutely not ready to have this conversation. She was trying to focus on not thinking about Tia, even though that’s all she could think about.

“I’m just saying, you look horrible. Like you’re depressed or something. What’s wrong?” How the hell was Jane fine? How the hell was everyone perfectly fine?

“I am… I am good. I just woke up, I mean-”

“Dada.”

There was never any point in lying to Jane, she could always tell, and she always hated it.

“How many days do we have left now? Eight?” Dada let herself say out loud, not able to look up from her plate, knowing Jane would see right through her.

“Seven if you don’t count today.”

“Well, I am counting today, it’s over a week.” Dada couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed as she looked at Jane, why would she say that?

“Alright, so eight,” Jane replied easily in the way that Dada hated so much.

“Whatever, I’m ready for this stupid trip to be over anyways,” Dada snapped and she felt like it was the first day again, and she was all the way back to the quiet, closed off tour guide refusing to look in any direction but down.

“So that’s what’s wrong?” Jane finally asked, and Dada wished she couldn’t see the pity in Jane’s eyes. “Sister…”

“How are you so okay? How is everyone so okay? In eight days this will be over. All of it.”

“Because, we have a week- eight days and then that’s it. We go back to Fiora, they do a semester in Perugia then go back home to completely different countries. So. We have eight days then that’s it. In ten days we’re gonna feel actually fucking awful. So let’s just enjoy this last week. Let yourself let go of the dread. It just ruins everything.”

“Let myself let go of the dread?”

“Yes.”

“That sounds a lot easier said than done.”

“Don’t care. Just do it. A week is a lot shorter than you think.”

“Why do you always have to say shit like that?”

Then Tia, Nymphia, and Crystal, and Gothy were joining them at the table, talking loudly about something.

“We’re not drinking again, are we? I think I’m tapped out girls,” Tia said. Everyone turned to stare at her in disbelief. “What? Are we drinking? Cause like I’m down-,” she was cut off by the girls bursting out laughing. “Just no Jägerbombs! Please!” Tia joined their laughter.

“No, you’re right Tia. We should take a day off. Maybe not the night, but. Yeah. I honestly have nothing planned, I was just gonna give the group a free day again. It seems to be a good vibe for Amalfi,” Jane explained. Nymphia rolled her eyes.

“Well, I have a day planned for us. Well at least I picked a beach and place for lunch. And Jane packed us snacks! We’ll leave after breakfast!”

As they walked ten minutes to the beach Nymphia had picked out, the words Jane had said earlier repeated in Dada’s head. ‘Let yourself let go of the dread.’ What was that even supposed to mean? Did Jane actually mean that, or was it just something she told herself? It was harder for Dada to pretend. She had to of course, for Tia.

Dada really tried to have fun, taking turns on Jane’s boogie board with Tia and Crystal, helping to arrange a little charcuterie board with Nymphia. But even as she danced to ‘JOYRIDE’ with Jane and Gothy, the whole feat felt impossible. Eventually Dada and Tia opted to lay out under the sun, not caring about tan lines as their long legs stayed brushed against each other’s, Dada’s hand splayed across the back of Tia’s thigh.

“Hey,” Tia whispered, head laid on Dada’s chest who smiled, running her fingers down Tia’s leg as she replied.

“Hey,” right back. Tia giggled, propping her chin up so she could look at Dada.

“You’re gonna get a sunburn ya know?” She pointed out. Dada just let out a laugh. She didn’t know how to do this. Just keep entertaining, keep this act up until she leaves in a week. But Tia’s hands were on her, and that’s what she would focus on for now.

“Or I’ll get a beautiful golden tan?” Dada suggested weakly. Tia said nothing, just laid her head back down. Dada noticed their breathing was synced, rising and falling together, as always. Her hand traced figures on Tia’s thigh and she couldn’t help it, she tilted Tia’s face up to meet her own. She could feel her smiling, she hoped she couldn’t feel the tears behind her eyelashes. Suddenly, calls were heard.

“Ew!!!” Nymphia laughed, running over and pig-piling on top of Tia and Dada. Crystal followed suit.

“You guys are adorable.”

Finally, Jane and Gothy walked up to the mess that was happening, and plopped right on top.

“JANE YOU’RE GONNA KILL ME!” Nymphia screamed. They all laughed wildly, and Dada was able to forget for at least a second. She breathed the salty air in, then exhaled laughing. Maybe Jane was right. She was still having fun. Why not just enjoy it? Dada grinned as she realized maybe, for at least a little bit, she could let herself let go of the dread. She tried to carry this attitude throughout the rest of the day. She didn’t fail miserably either.

Of course every so often Dada’s eye would catch Tia’s just right and her chest would tighten, but she was managing. Maybe even working through her emotions. They went back to the hotel after a short lunch at one of the restaurants on the beach. Gothy walked back with them, and Crystal decided to third wheel with Jane and Nymphia. Gothy was talking to her mom on the phone as Tia and Dada walked behind her, making light conversation. It reminded Dada of Venice, that’s when she fell after all. What she would do to go back to then. She would tell herself she wasn’t crazy, that the tall British girl really did like her. She didn’t smile at everyone like that, not at all.

That was only a few days into this whole trip, it felt so far away despite only being weeks. Dada could let herself let go of the dread. She could do it. Not for seven days. But maybe for at least a few? That seemed pretty doable. Dada would do it, for real, she decided, stealing a glance at Tia as they walked hand in hand back to the hotel. She could let go of the dread. She could do that.

“How long do we have until sunset?” Tia asked Dada as they slowly made their way up the stairs to their room.

“Oh, probably four hours,” Dada guessed. Tia was quiet for a moment, just looking at her with a mischievous smile.

“So we basically… have free time now?” Her mischievous smirk grew into an enticing grin that Dada always fell for. She had sort of forgotten about the good parts of summer romances, how good they could feel. So she was making the most of it. Letting go of her dread. Tia was opening the door to their room, beckoning Dada to enter first. The second the door closed Dada was pressed against it, Tia trailing kisses down her neck. Her lips met the golden chain of Dada’s locket and she leaned back for a second.

“Can I wear your locket?” Tia murmured, hands already going up to undo the clasp.

“Of course,” Dada just brushed off one of Tia’s hands, instead pulling the long chain off around her head. She reached up, putting the locket around Tia’s neck who grinned, laughing lightly as she flicked it open, even though she knew there was nothing in there.

“I’ll cut off a lock of my hair, how does that sound?”

“I am not a serial killer!” They fell laughing into the bed. Yes, Dada couldn’t help but think, this was much more pleasant.

_

“Let me pack you a blunt,” Tia looked up at Dada through hooded eyes, the sun shining through the hotel windows, the light dancing on her eyelashes so beautifully. It was a couple hours later now and golden hour was just beginning.

“Be my guest, gorgeous.”

Tia gasped, immediately sitting up, moving so she was straddling Dada again.

“OooOOoooh I’m gorgeous??” She teased, grabbing both of Dada’s hands with hers, lacing their fingers together. Dada let out a laugh, bringing one of Tia’s hands to her mouth and pressing her lips to it.

“Well if it’s going to go straight to your head, I take it back,” she said, and then Tia was a giggling mess, scooting down so she was hovering above Dada, her golden locket still hanging around Tia’s neck, swinging to knock against her chest. “The locket looks good on you. You wear it well.”

“Thank you,” Tia brushed her lips against Dada’s, pulling away far too soon. “I’ve always looked good in dainty jewelry.” She sat up again, rolling off of Dada, getting out of bed, and going to the desk. “Now seriously, I’m gonna roll us a blunt and we’re gonna get out of here.”

Dada watched as Tia reached in the trap bag, pulling out the jar, grinder, and a pack of blunt cones. She began to grind the weed, long fingers breaking up chunks of the bud and placing them in the grinder, being careful to avoid the magnet in the middle. Everything she did was so beautiful, how?

Dada had seen countless people grinding weed, had seen hands packing bud down with the little poke stick, but everything just looked better on Tia, she supposed. It seemed Tia was done in no time, tucking the blunt behind her ear when she was done. “Let’s go.”

They snuck away for no reason, tiptoeing down the hallway even though the whole group was out and about doing their own thing. Once they were out of the hotel, Dada wasn’t exactly sure where to go, she just knew it was golden hour and Tia deserved to bask in the sunlight. Then she remembered a spot she went to with Jane, before they were ever even tour guides.

“If I make you hike, will you whine like Nymphia? It is very short, only a little more than the one at the hotel. And so beautiful for golden hour,” Dada suggested, Tia gave her a bright grin.

“Golden hour? You’ve been hanging around Nymphia too much.”

“Oh no believe me, we have nightly golden hour photoshoots back home, I’m the one who showed Nymphia the best angles,” Dada explained. “It will be a breeze compared to Genoa, I promise.”

But it seemed that Tia didn’t like hiking that much more than Nymphia did.

“You didn’t hike at all back home? No parks, no nature trails or anything? It is like the best smoke spot!” Dada stood on top of a steep section of the trail, watching as Tia caught up with her.

“No, I smoke weed at boat launch parking lots, duh,” she finally got to Dada, looking out at the view with her. They had just made it above the tree line and could see Amalfi’s mountains. “So pretty.”

“Just wait until we get to the other side, you will see,” Dada turned, continuing to lead them. “The rest is all flat, easy.” She could feel Tia right behind her, she wished she was beside her, so she could see. “Get up here,” Dada turned without stopping, grabbing Tia’s arm and falling into stride with her.

“Aw Dada, I missed you too,” Tia cooed, Dada tried to ignore the twinge in her chest.

“Here we are,” she said quietly. Tia laughed beside her, looking out at the vast open ocean, tourists on the beach below them soaking up the sunset.

“You’re like a walking guidebook. It’s weird.”

“Google is free,” Dada laughed, putting her tote on a big rock and beginning to rifle through it.

“I bet Jane found all these places anyways,” Tia giggled, sitting down on the rock, nearly on the tote bag. “-oops!”

“Careful, do not crush the goods!” Dada let her forehead brush Tia’s, leaning forward in laughter. Of course Tia was too quick for Dada, catching her lips in a searing kiss. Dada liked this, just letting go of her dread. Tia was here, in front of her. That’s what mattered. “You are still crushing the goods,” Dada whispered. Tia laughed again, scooting just off the tote, still remaining as close as possible to Dada.

“Well how about you take them out of the bag then? So we can smoke the goods?” she asked matter of factly, Dada shook her head as she took out the first blunt, reaching for the lighter in her pocket.

“You are so impatient,” she laughed as she lit the first blunt, not letting herself cough when she took the first puff. “Here, you fiend,” she passed it to Tia, who did indeed cough when she took way too big of a hit, leaning on Dada who was just shaking her head. “See, this is what I mean, you rush rush rush!”

“Yeah but I’m already like ten times higher than you,” Tia peered up at Dada, her head now resting on her shoulder.

“Well then I guess I will have to catch up with you,” Dada accepted the blunt back from Tia, taking way too big of a hit so she was also in a coughing fit, big clouds of smoke rushing out of her mouth with every heaving cough. Tia was a giggling mess, swiping the blunt from her fingers and taking another puff. They smoked two blunts, talking back and forth, listening to ‘Brat’, and of course Tia and Dada taking pictures of each other when the sunset was just perfect. And they took a couple selfies together. Just a couple.

The stars were high in the sky when Tia and Dada arrived back to the hotel, and Dada couldn’t even care that the day was already over because Tia was pulling her up the stairs with those needy eyes, ready to continue what they had started in their endless summer afternoon. And Dada didn’t even think about how good it felt to let go of her dread.

_

Dada woke up that morning not even realizing they were already leaving Amalfi, because Tia was laying on her side already looking at Dada with those eyes, the sunlight dancing on her eyelashes. And Dada felt like she was going to hurl. Suddenly she was right back to where she started. Seven days. Seven fucking days. Dada usually counted down the days to the tour being over with excitement balled up in her chest, not dread..

“Morning,” Tia beamed.

Dada didn’t want to smile, she wanted to cry. She wanted to crawl in bed and hide all day. She wanted to crawl in bed and pull Tia right in with her, savor every minute they could. Selfishly, she just wanted to go home. She wished the trip was ending now, that way she didn’t have to drag her sorry ass around moping for the next week. How was she supposed to go to the beach? How was she supposed to put on a happy face? How did Jane do it? .

“Morning,” Dada grinned, maybe too big, clearly compensating. She just pulled Tia into a long kiss because she didn’t know what to say. Dada just wanted her mind to go silent, stop screaming at her as she tried to function. She still wanted to cry. She tried to stay normal as she got dressed with Tia, blasting music so they could just bop around singing under their breaths, no need for conversation. Eventually Tia laced their fingers together and they walked downstairs for breakfast, where of course everyone was already sitting around waiting for them.

“Good morning sisters!” Crystal said brightly, cup of coffee in hand. “I’m sad. I can’t believe we’re leaving Amalfi. This place has really become a second home, you know?”

“Crystal we’ve been here two days, and barely that,” Nymphia cut in, but halfheartedly. “No, who am I kidding, I’m sad too! Jane, can’t we just stay here? I don’t care about the other place.”

“Oh believe me Nymphia,” Jane scoffed. “You won’t even be thinking about Amalfi come tomorrow. We’re gonna have five days of pure bliss in Sardinia,” Jane said, Dada was at least excited for what the last city held, knowing Tia would have the time of her life.

“No. It’s not the same as Amalfi,” Tia cut in, too sincerely. Dada looked at her and it hurt. She swore it didn’t hurt like that last night, or even that morning, seeing her smiling face as they woke up. But now, seeing Tia in front of her with a plate of mediocre hotel food in a mediocre hotel just like she had before every day, it hurt.

That’s what Dada would tell her roommates, she thought as she got on the bus, leaving Amalfi to head back to Naples. They would beg her to tell them what her side of the story was, not just weird ramblings from Jane and Gothy. What really happened. And all Dada would be able to say was that one second it didn’t hurt to look at Tia and the next it did. She zoned out as Gothy took the shortcut back to Naples, opting to listen to Tia, Crystal, and Nymphia ramble about random shit.

What was Tia thinking? She seemed completely fine, laughing and talking to Dada normally. All throughout breakfast, the bus ride to Naples, the walk to the beach, and the entire afternoon it seemed like Tia was completely unbothered. Her and Crystal had made vodka lemonades in their water bottles, chugging them with no care in the world. Dada and Jane were staying sober in solidarity with Gothy, who had to drive the bus onto the ferry when they boarded it that night.

Dada’s chest was tight as she watched Tia splashing in the waves with Crystal. Happy, normal. How was she just normal? Dada didn’t want to bring Tia down with her, ruin her last week of the tour, it clearly hadn’t been already. So she could act normal, even if she didn’t feel it. Smile right back at Tia, kiss her like it didn’t hurt, grab her waist and hope the feeling would never be foreign, though she knew it would.

But still. Dada couldn’t bring herself to pretend, not when she realized this was the same beach they’d gone to after Crystal got dumped. It felt so far away already. All she could do was lay next to Nymphia in the sand and pretend she was tired. Luckily Nymphia had brought her iPad to the beach because she was “definitely not going to swim all day” and “I don’t feel like drinking myself to death like those two.” Dada stared out at the sky, not caring that the sun was blinding.

“Dada. Dada. Dada.” Nymphia said, peering over her iPad screen.

“Hm?” She snapped up quickly, finding Nymphia’s judgemental eyes blinking a few times blankly.

“I have seasons one through five of Love Island UK downloaded, wanna watch?” Nymphia held out an airpod, and Dada never felt more relieved to have found her on this trip. “There’s no better way to shut out the scary thoughts than trashy reality TV.” Dada slipped the airpod into her ear, focusing on the show. Nymphia laughed loudly at all the stupid jokes she must’ve not gotten. “Why couldn’t we have just gone on Love Island?”

“Uhh… you kinda did,” Dada chuckled.

“Ew! Don’t even begin to compare this to Love Island. Love Island is luxurious and perfect. This is just exhausting and sad…” Nymphia muttered.

“Thank god you feel it too. Everyone seems so fine but…it is getting really sad, isn’t it?” Dada sighed, eyes watching Nymphia who was fully disassociating now. God, what had they done to themselves?

“Do you want to be with Tia like… after the trip?” Nymphia asked hesitantly.

“Yes,” Dada answered, maybe too quickly and sure. Nymphia just hummed in response. What was that supposed to mean? Had they talked about it? “Do you… want to be with Jane? After the trip?”

Nymphia looked up to see Jane in the ocean, boogie boarding. She lowered her voice, almost scared Jane would hear her over the crashing waves.

“Nah… I don’t think so. Jane and I were always going to end like this. I’ll probably text her for a week after this is over, then I’m blocking her on all socials. If you repeat this you’re a bitch.”

“Seriously?” Dada knew Nymphia and Jane weren’t serious or anything, but the blocking seemed a little unnecessary. Would Tia cut Dada out completely, did Dada expect anything different?

“I can’t give her any reasons to want to hold onto me. And I post really hot pics on insta,” Nymphia explained. Dada hated how easy she made it sound to drop Jane, they had seemed so close, closer than Tia and Dada. Hadn’t Jane claimed they were “falling in love” ???. Tia could easily leave Dada in the dust just like Nymphia will Jane. “Besides, we’re literally in Italy for a semester. I can’t be tied down to one person. I have so many sexy Italian women yet to pursue, Jane would do nothing but hold me back. I couldn’t cheat on her, she’s way too sensitive. Either way, I’m not wasting my semester abroad on some American who couldn’t make it in the states. Sorry. I know she’s your best friend. You get it.” Nymphia finished and turned back to the screen. Yeah. Dada got it. This was Tia’s opportunity, a pivotal age where Dada would do nothing but hold her down. Yes, this was Tia’s time to grow. She didn’t need some twenty year old French girl calling her up from two hours away, begging for just one more endless night.

“I just wish we hadn’t wasted so much time…” Dada said, basically to no one. Nymphia was laughing at something a girl had just said on Love Island.

And suddenly Dada was back to wanting to cry. Tia was so excited and loud when Dada had first met her, she would be in Perugia too. Dada could see it now, Tia flirting with some older Italian woman at a bar, cheeks flushed as she walked home with her, smiling the way she does. Tia deserved to go back to smoke with other cute girls, she deserved to move just as fast as she came along. Dada knew she would become another story, something lost, as always. And then she decided. Dada would make the most of this week, she had to. Because she could not, and would not hold Tia back.

None of it felt right or fair, but Dada forced herself to let it go as Tia, Crystal, Gothy, and Jane came bounding over to her and Nymphia.

Too soon it was time to walk to the ferry port, everyone sad to leave Naples again. Jane led the group while Dada and Gothy got the bus.

“You good?” Gothy asked as she pulled the bus out of a parking garage, beginning to drive it to the ferry loading dock.

“Yes, I’m good. I’m excited for Sardinia and whatever the hell Jane claims she has planned. I want to have fun. Even though…” Dada trailed off, Gothy gave her a sympathetic look.

“Even though this is the first time you don’t want the trip to end. I don’t blame you. I don’t, and I haven’t even fallen in love with one of the group members,” Gothy said so nonchalantly, she probably expected Dada to laugh or something. Instead she just exhaled.

“Gothyyyyy that is what I’m trying not to think about!” Dada couldn’t help but laugh a little, but not because she found it actually funny.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Gothy giggled. “Whatever, I’m dropping you off at the front, Jane’s gonna need help getting those drunk bitches through security. Thanks for staying sober for me, by the way. Good luck with Tia, that girl’s a mess.”

Gothy dropped Dada off at the entrance and went to wait in the long line of cars that was waiting to board the ferry. When Dada found the group waiting in line to get on, she was surprised to see Jane shushing a yelling Tia and a cackling Crystal. Is that what Gothy meant? She didn’t think Tia was that drunk on the beach. Dada just felt overly sober. Maybe she could just get on Tia’s level.

“Tia… are you good?” She asked, not bothering to hold back her laughter. Tia just grinned in amazement and pulled Dada into a messy tight hug with a cheer, long limbs wrapping around her neck.

“Dada get DRUNK WITH ME!!!” Tia yelled, people around them in line gave her a weird look, Dada noticed the people taking the tickets were now keeping an eye on them as the line continued to progress.

“Let’s just make it onto the ferry first, Ms Tia,” Dada grinned at her, fixing her hair a little, still keeping an arm looped around Tia’s waist.

“Alright Jane,” Tia muttered to Crystal, who was giggling with tears in her eyes.

“Tia don’t make me cry don’t make me cry,” Crystal was just silently laughing, Dada’s face felt a little hot but she brushed it off with a roll of her eyes and turned to Nymphia.

“Am I like that when I’m drunk?”

“Dada. Anytime you’ve been drunk, I have been ten times worse. I don’t even know who you are when I drink,” Nymphia said with a straight face, causing Dada to laugh.

“Hey! Don’t flirt with my girl!” Tia roughly shoved Nymphia, who just jumped back and gave her a wicked glare.

“Tia. Don’t fucking touch me.”

Of course a pissed off Nymphia just made Crystal and Tia laugh even louder, earning them more bewildered looks from people around them in line. There were only a few people ahead of them, and while Dada didn’t know how strict the ferry rules were, she knew the workers wouldn’t be overly thrilled about two belligerently drunk girls getting on a fifteen hour ferry. Dada gave Jane a pleading look, not wanting to have to scold Tia. Jane just sighed.

“Sisters, let’s wait to fight and be messy drunk. Please, we have a whole night to be awful, let’s just get through the line and get to our rooms,” she said mostly to Tia (and Crystal) who shared a look and giggled, but at least didn’t cackle.

“Boring Jane boring Jane boring Jane!” Tia whispered. Dada didn’t laugh. She instead gave a polite smile to the ferry attendant and showed her the list of sixteen tickets they had for the group. After ushering everyone through, Dada let out a sigh of relief as they finally got onto the boat, where she could at least get a glass of wine and Tia’s voice wouldn't sound so loud yet so far away.

“Alright guys, I was able to secure us four private rooms that each sleep four. The tour guides and one lucky group member will share one room, while the rest of you can split up in the other rooms however you want! Sounds good? The ferry leaves exactly at 7pm, make sure you check out the sunset! And we will arrive in Sardinia at 10am tomorrow, so I’ll expect to see you all at the breakfast table! There’s a pool on deck, a party room, dining hall with a BAR! I think they show movies somewhere? I don’t know, have fun and I’ll see you tomorrow. For the last and best part of the trip. The magical island of Sardinia. Slay!!!” Jane spoke rapidly to the whole tour group, before handing out room keys and leading the girls to their room.

“Okay wait, how are we doing this whole room thing? I’m in the tour guide room, right?” Nymphia asked. Dada didn’t even think to object, she felt guilty but surprisingly fine having one night of sleeping alone, one night of being able to cry without hoping Tia didn’t notice.

“I’ll just squeeze into Dada’s bunk! Like old uni days,” Tia exclaimed. Dada couldn’t help but think the beds were a bit small for that. But whatever.

“Don’t talk to me about twin XLs. There’s never enough room on those things! But sometimes that’s the whole point,” Crystal let out a giggle. They went into the tour guide room, which Jane boasted was the biggest of the four rooms she’d reserved.

“Yeah, it's supreme! Wayyy more leg room,” she grinned. The bunk beds were still tiny, but instead of being two feet apart from each other they were four feet apart, and there had even been a tiny desk and chair crammed in front of a window.

“Oh perfect! I’ll just sleep on the ground! I packed my bathrobe so that’ll give me some extra cushion. I can even go steal my mattress from my room!”

And all of a sudden Dada’s one night of peace had turned into a slumber party. But when she looked at Jane and Gothy to roll her eyes, they seemed excited. Oh. Maybe Dada was the only one who minded. What was wrong with her?

“Crystal I’ll help you move your mattress in. And then we should get some drinks, right ladies?!” Dada tried to sound cheerful, and genuinely grinned when Tia started clapping, bouncing next to her.

“SLUMBER PARTY SLUMBER PARTY!” She cheered in Dada’s ear, who just laughed and went to the room across the hall to grab two mattresses that were assumed to be Tia and Crystal’s. “Okay wait Crystal you should sleep in a bunk and me and Dada should sleep on the floor cause we’re tall and you’re short!”

“I’M 5’7”, YOU TWO ARE JUST FREAKISHLY TALL!” Crystal whined but easily agreed.

“ME AND CRYSTAL GET TOPBUNKS!!!” Nymphia slung her bag to the top bunk with ease, Jane just grinned. “Seriously though girls, drink time. I need to catch up with Tia and Crystal, and fast.”

There was no time to object to the sleeping arrangement because Dada was being pushed out of the tiny cabin and into the hallway, being rushed to the main area of the ferry. “Do you think they have cocktails?” Nymphia asked as Dada led them down the hall. She just shook her head.

“No, beer and wine only. This boat is pretty basic. But still, wine at sunset will be cute for pictures,” Dada grinned at Nymphia who squealed, rushing ahead of her to enter the dining room that was basically a cafeteria.

“Ooh very boujee,” Tia said sarcastically. Dada just forced a laugh and tried to subtly smack her ass as they approached the bar. She ordered six glasses of wine (two Prosecco, three Cabernets, one Pinot noir) for the girls and soon they were on the deck of the ferry watching the burning orange sun cast pink and purple streaks across the sky.

“Oh my god girls!! Photoshoot time!” Nymphia squealed, already handing her phone to Crystal. “Jane get over here!” She ordered Jane, who crossed to her with a grin. “Hand around my waist but not too high- we’re not church girls.”

“Well what if my hand is closer to your boobs? That’s not very church girl now is it???”

“Oh my god.”

Dada stood with Tia and Gothy watching them with fond smiles. She went to loop an arm around Tia’s waist but she was gone in an instant. Tia ran straight into Nymphia and Jane’s photoshoot, trying to be cute and candid as she flung an arm around Nymphia. But only she missed the annoyed looks on their faces. Dada’s face felt hot for her. “Okay I guess now is a good time for Crystal and Jane to switch so we can get group pics. Before Tia blacks out and embarrasses herself and everyone else.” Nymphia said so sweetly with a glare, Dada chugged her wine to hide her face. She didn’t bother getting any photos, opting to go into the dining room alone to get snacks for all the girls to share. She had only been gone for ten minutes, grabbing another glass of wine for herself as well. When Dada went back onto the deck, Tia was obviously getting scolded by Jane.

“Tia, don’t make me be a bitch to you. Stop fucking trying to jump overboard. It’s making me anxious. And pissing me off.” Dada wanted to grin at bitchy Jane until she remembered why she was being bitchy. But of course Tia loved this and burst out laughing.

“Jane, have I ever told you I’m obsessed with you?!” She pulled Jane into a hug who reluctantly returned it. “You’re my friend.”

“Aw.. Tia… that’s actually sweet,” Jane whispered back softly. Dada rolled her eyes and continued to drink her wine. “Oh Dada’s moved onto a second glass already?? I guess it’s that time ladies. I have vodka in my backpack. Let’s get to work.”

Tia cheered so loudly, Dada had every reason to be worried about the way things would go tonight. Tia would barely remember any of it, and Dada would spend a long time trying to forget. The girls went back into the cabin after smoking a few cigarettes outside. The cigarettes mellowed Tia out a little, she sat on the edge of one of the bunks, head rested on Dada’s shoulder.

“So… are we doing shots?” Crystal asked with a wicked grin. Gothy let out a loud laugh.

“We’re doing shots. You and Tia are cut off. From hard liquor. Wine only for you two drunks the rest of the night!” She said, pointing at Tia and Crystal. Dada was glad she didn’t have to be the one to say it. Tia’s head shot up.

“Boring!” She exclaimed. “Me and Crystal should be allowed to have AT LEAST one shot. Dada tell them,” Tia turned to Dada, who could feel everyone’s eyes on her. She didn’t know what to say. Or she did, but she didn’t want to say it.

“Tia, as the official tour guide of this trip, I agree with Gothy. And I know Dada does too, she just likes you too much to say anything. Wine only, sister. Believe me.” Nymphia cut in. Everyone laughed and Dada was relieved Tia laughed along. Nymphia was so good at putting people in their places. “The perks of not being a people pleaser, ladies!”

“Alright, whatever, SHOTS!” Gothy cheered. Tia connected her phone to the speaker, shuffling Nymphia’s “Ultimate Summer Playlist”. The Glee Version of ‘Blame it on the Alcohol’ started playing through the speakers. Dada burst out laughing as her and Tia looked through the playlist.

“Nymphia, why is there so much Big Time Rush? Where is One Direction???” Dada asked incredulously, accepting the bottle of vodka from Jane and taking a long swig. Tia just cheered, immediately queuing so many One Direction songs.

“Yes Dada!!!” She shook Dada’s shoulders, causing her to splash the vodka down her chest. “Oh shit I’m sorry!” Tia said through laughter. At least everyone was laughing.

“I forgive you if you queue ‘Better Than Words’!”

“GIRLS YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY!!!” Crystal screeched. “I HAVE A ONE DIRECTION TATTOO ON MY ASS!”

“THAT’S WHAT THAT IS???!”

Over the next couple hours, Crystal and Tia cried to ‘Little Things’ and ‘Moments’, Nymphia got the “perfect amount of drunk” and planned the whole rest of the trip in her notes app, (with Gothy’s help), and Jane and Dada tried to get drunk, passing the vodka bottle back and forth.

“How long until Tia and Crystal are sick?” Jane murmured to Dada, who let out a chuckle.

“They handle themselves pretty well. Except for beach day.”

“Dada… like every day has been a beach day!” Jane dissolved into giggles. “We need to get some food in them. I think they have late night pizza, let’s do a field trip!”

Soon the six girls were walking. Tia zig-zagged through the halls, purposely bumping against the walls as she did.

“Tia, can you like… not? It’s late and normal people are trying to sleep…” Gothy muttered as Dada grabbed onto Tia, trying to hold her steady as they walked.

“You mean BORING people. Whatever, we’re here anyway…” Tia said as she pulled away from Dada so she could look at the food. They were clearly about to close, the pizza looking a little crusty… a little gross, but wasn’t that the perfect drunk food?

“This pizza looks like shit.” Tia said loudly, like she wanted the cashier to hear. Dada knew Tia well enough by now, she knew she didn’t WANT the cashier to hear, she simply didn’t give a fuck if they did. “I’ll just have to drink more to make sure I throw it up later…” Tia’s voice was a little raspy, clearly a little burned by each burning shot she had sent down today. Dada gave the one worker an apologetic smile, one she had never given for Tia without giggling.

“Umm… I want… a… ew that’s just-,”

“Can I get two slices of cheese, please?”Jane said, cutting off Tia. She sent Dada a look that Dada hated she noticed:

“Control your bitch.”

“Sorry that all of these look gross…” Tia muttered, once again, too loud.

“Let’s just order, they’re about to close.”

Soon the girls were able to each order a couple slices of pizza and find a table next to a window. They had also each ordered one last glass of wine, though Dada planned on drinking half of Tia and Crystal’s glasses.

Eventually Tia ripped a small bite out of the corner of her pizza before scrunching into a disgusted face.

“Oh shut up, Tia,” Crystal said, covering her chewing mouth with her hand. “You wouldn’t last a second in America under Michelle Obama school lunches. This is amazing.”

Dada normally loved Tia’s bright laugh, and she did, but she didn’t like how she was so suddenly aware of every tired eye turning to look at them. Dada looked at Tia. For a moment she didn’t find her outgoing and charming, she found her obnoxious and childish.

“I’ll finish this if you promise I can have another shot. I mean, seriously, I think this will taste better coming up than it did going down.” Dada ignored Tia’s ringing laughter, she just met Jane’s other demanding stare.

“Tia, you do not need another shot. Do you need that wine? If anything, we will get you a glass of water,” Dada joked, but she couldn’t help but notice some of the weight in her chest lifting as she called Tia out. Everyone laughed but Tia, who Dada noticed had gone a little red as she met her stare.

“I think I know how much I can drink…” Tia’s words slurred, which made the rest of the group laugh harder, even Crystal who was downing her pizza. “Wot?” Tia wasn’t laughing along, Dada didn’t care. “I’m older than you, you know? I know how to party and pace myself.”

“Okay, Tia. It really shows…” Everyone laughed at Dada’s joke again, and again, Dada felt lighter. She swore she could see Tia’s eyes flicker.

“Why are you acting like a nun?”

“Why are you acting like a kid?!” Dada responded, too quickly. The laughter stopped. How old were they? All Dada knew is she wouldn’t have acted like that, and she was younger than Tia.

She had wanted to be easy going, she wanted to meet glossy eyes searching for her across the room, she wanted to catch up with Tia and have FUN but she simply didn’t feel like it anymore. She couldn’t shake the ending trip, she couldn’t keep up, she didn’t like… well, she wasn’t having fun with this Tia. Was she always like this while drunk? Why did Dada feel like they were never sober? All she knew was her blood was boiling, why did she love fanning the flame? “Nymphia, Miss Official Tour guide? Babysit your members. See why I can’t wait for the tour to be over now?” Dada’s words were slightly slurred but she didn’t care, looking straight at Tia, waiting to see her hurt, or annoyed, or angry, any sort of reaction. And Dada hoped the words cut deep. She couldn’t help but not want to care anymore. She just needed Tia to know how ungodly annoying she was finding her.

Tia just stared at her blankly. Did Dada really have to twist the knife? Some wicked part of her brain knew she had to, her whole body was burning red hot, finally fed up with Tia and the way she’d been acting all night. “I mean seriously Tia. So annoying.”

Tia’s mouth opened a little, she gaped at Dada for a second. Good. Dada had been trying not to roll her eyes all night.

“I’m gonna throw up,” Tia whispered before going out onto the deck, hands covering her mouth. Everyone sat in shocked silence for a few moments. Then Crystal stood up.

“No, Crystal, stay. I’ll go,” Dada said, standing up. “Jane, give me your water.”

“Ew! it’s gonna be all pukey!”

“Just buy a new one!” Dada snapped. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll buy you a new one.”

Dada was glad to be out on the deck, feeling the cool august air on her face. Luckily no one but Tia was out there. Dada looked up at the clear sky, the stars were out at this point, so breathtaking in the pitch black. Nothing but stars, ocean, and a puking Tia. Dada ignored the pit in her stomach and walked over to Tia, immediately putting a comforting hand on her back. What the fuck was happening?

“Go away Crystal. I want Dada,” Tia whined. Was she crying? Surely it was just tears from throwing up. What the fuck was happening? Dada’s heart was dropped in her stomach, none of this felt right. Was Tia really crying?

“It’s me,” Dada whispered, Tia’s head turned and she looked rough. “I brought you water.” She awkwardly handed it to Tia, who was clearly wiping tears from her face. Dada chose to ignore them, she was drunk too.

“I’m sorry I’m so drunk,” Tia whispered, words slurring. She leaned her head back over the deck, throwing up again. Dada just pulled Tia’s hair away from her face, holding it back as her other hand stayed rubbing the small of her back. “I’m sorry,” Tia just kept muttering. All Dada could do was lean forward and place a kiss to the back of her shoulder.

“Let’s just go to bed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tia. Let’s just go to bed.”

Tia and Dada didn’t speak to each other the whole rest of that night. Jane and Dada helped all the girls to bed, Tia and Crystal slept on the mega bed on the floor, Dada and Jane would take the bottom bunks, and Nymphia and Gothy on the top. And as if she couldn’t help it, Dada found herself dragging her tired feet to the deck of the ferry again, unaware of Jane following her. She only turned to see Jane when they both reached the railing, jumping slightly before she relaxed. Dada wanted to feel sorry, she really did, but she was somehow still mad. Jane knew it too, she could tell by her rare silence. Jane always knew what to say yet remained silent, had Dada really created such a rare situation?

“I don’t know…” She started, as if Jane had already asked a question. “Maybe I am not old enough to get it… I don’t want to be, but-” Dada didn’t look up as she muttered. “It’s her semester abroad.”

Jane said nothing, she just lit a cigarette and passed it to Dada, whose chest felt empty as she took a hit, as light as it's been since she met Tia. She didn’t want to dwell on it, but the thought did linger… could it be for the best to leave it like this? Hurt and broken, at least a good story with an ending they could twist any way they wanted to.

But just the thought of leaving this, Tia, at all made Dada nauseous, though she never got seasick, not even from Nice.

“It was a rough night…” Jane muttered, clearly exhausted. “I promise. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there… I love Tia but… but I don’t blame you, honestly.” Jane muttered simply, but it was enough to make Dada feel even more sea sick. They finished the cigarette and then walked back to the cabin in silence. Tia was knocked out, and Dada didn’t know how to feel as she placed the small trash can by her head. She wished she hadn’t left their conversation cut off in complete silence, but what were they supposed to say in front of their group? Dada hoped it would be better in the morning, but even after they woke up to twisting stomachs and pounding heads, as they packed up their backpacks, returned the mattresses, and ate a shitty breakfast, Tia and Dada barely spoke.

She figured Tia was either embarrassed that she remembered nothing, or mad at Dada for being annoyed with her. She did regret being so mean to Tia… but she had been so horrible all night. Dada sort of hoped Tia didn’t remember any of it.

From the ferry docking in Sardinia, the beautiful Island they’d be touring the last five days of tour, to walking to the bus parked under the deck of the ferry, Tia didn’t say one word. She sat next to Crystal on the bus, tears shining bright in her eyes as Dada sat across from her, immediately turning to talk with Nymphia. All Tia could think as Crystal gave her a questioning look, was why am I right back to the beginning of the trip when I know this is the end?

…

come on and haunt me

i know you want me

[faegoddessog]

 Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 38/41

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, talk about masturbation, separation angst,

Series Masterlist 

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes  involved here. 

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

8.25.2020

Hey babe! 

So, yay email! Hopefully this will work for us. :) But the internet is SO SLOW. Even with barely anyone here it took 10 min for my email to load. I am told by the winterers that trying to upload a video is all but impossible. But a picture *can* go through. Thank the local deity that we don’t have to super old school it and use carrier penguins! Yay! Well we finally made it to McMurdo. I can’t believe it’s been a whole month since I’ve seen you, well except for the phone calls in Christchurch. It feels like the band aid is really ripped off now. I’m just trying to breathe through it. I hope you are staying busy or at least distracted. I am excited to finally be here after 5 days of delayed flights as is the rest of my group. We’ve taken to calling ourselves a flock. I have no idea why. So I’ve got a room all to myself right now, but we’ll see how many people show up for the mainbody season in October, I may or may not have a roommate. So, there I was trying to get settled and I opened my big suitcase and found the books and the dark chocolate and the candles and the little bottle of essential oil blend. Fuck it smells like you. It made me cry and smile at the same time. Thank you baby. This is a classic pic me in front of the station sign. It looks darker than it was, but we only had 4 hours of sunlight and there was a storm coming. Wow, I thought I'd been through blizzards at home. This was nothing compared to what they got here! I’d send you a photo. But it’s literally just white.

I do have a confession to make. You remember that freakin’ hot phone sex we had during my quarantine? Yeah… um.. I recorded the audio, yup, every time. I’m gonna listen to your amazing voice telling me to touch myself. I think I’ll lube up my butt plug you gave me and push it into my ass imagining it’s you. Fuck I miss you. I miss your body next to mine at night and your cock in me in the morning. I love you Aus, I miss you. All the kisses for you. ~Your Kitten

8/26/20

Kitten!!!  I’m so stoked that we still get to keep in touch. Even if only over email. That pic of you in front of the sign feels surreal. I can't even tell it's you with all the layers! The landscape looks so desolate. I’m so glad you found my gifts, that’s just stuff I don’t like to live without, kinda like you. I’m not liking living without you. Although I’m STILL finding post-it notes. You little fiend, putting them in all my clothes. Makes me smile and cry too. I did get some exciting news though. Baz, as you know, has been checking up on me since you left. I really love him, he is such a marvelous soul. Anyway he told me yesterday that we will start rehearsals next week and filming is slated to start up again in mid to late September. Thank God, I gotta have something to focus on other than this empty apartment. I’m just waiting for the rest of the crew to get back in country, then I’ll be too busy to think. Also, I’m gonna talk to your Uncle Roy this week and make sure I can still stay here. Baz says the studio will give me a stipend for the apartment and I’ll just pass that along to him. That reminds me, Kate said she had not seen anything related to us from Marissa’s channel and that she would be willing to have a meeting with her, but she won’t make any guarantees. I have a confession too, I went and developed those couple rolls of film we'd taken. It was so fucking sad that you weren’t there to play with while I waited for them to dry. Anyway, You know how I wasn’t sleeping in our bedroom yet? Well, I put the photos I took of you up all over our bedroom and it finally let me sleep in there alone, although I might’ve cried myself to sleep just a little. When I woke up hard I had those gorgeous pictures of you in that black dress to jerk off to. Fuck you are hot and fuck I miss you so much. Oh my god, just reading that you are fucking your ass with my butt plug has me hard, you are such a naughty Kitten. I might have to keep track of how naughty you are and punish you accordingly when I see you next. I wish you were here to suck this hard cock right now. I think when I finish I’ll stroke myself while looking at those closeups of you and imagine your luscious lips wrapped around me. I’d send you a pic of it, but I’m terrified it could get out somehow. I love you more, I miss you terribly, only 187 more days to go.. Roughly. ~Your Aus

9.20.20

Hello my love,  So how’s things? Are you ready? I’m so excited for you to start filming again. You got this babe! I believe in you! (forehead kisses) There were satellite issues again when I tried to call you last night. I’m so sad we keep getting hosed on our phone calls. Soon you’ll be too busy to take a call from me! We are pretty solidly in the groove of our workday, that’s 6 days a week. I’m on the day shift right now and it’s been a bunch of maintenance checks and rebuilds on buildings and answering calls for service. There is a big build that got delayed due to covid, but we will be starting on that pretty soon. The food is surprisingly good. The galley really loves their themes. Taco Tuesday, Asian Nights, Sunday Brunch. The pizza is pretty good too! It’s not a woodfired oven made by the hands of angels good, but when you want pizza, it’ll do. Made a good group of friends, though we are all weird misfits here it seems. Do you remember when people had to talk to each other instead of stare at their phones? It’s like that here, since there isn’t wifi, not that it would work right. It’s amazing how old school it feels, it’s kind of wonderful. Probably sounds like torture to you my shy, introverted darling.

Most of the people here are guys. It’s like 70/30. I’m the only woman in my department, not like that’s new to me. The first day I showed up for work the foreman asked if I was in the wrong place. They tried to give me shit at first until I out-hammered them all in a nailing race. Just a dumb little competition thing. But it stopped them from fucking with me. Yeah, I know my stuff assholes! Lol! Now we are all good. Except for Joe, I do not like Joe. He just rubs me wrong and won’t let the girl thing go. We may have to have a little come-to-Jesus meeting during which I emasculate him with the claw on my purple hammer! The other women I’ve met have also been surprised by the overall disappointing behavior from some of these guys. There is a saying on the ice- “Antarctica: Full of badass women and mediocre men.” This is true. Not all the guys are that way though, some of them are nice and those are the ones that get laid. Yeah, there are a lot of hookups happening and there are free condoms, like, everywhere. No one here is as interesting or as sexy as my man though. Plus, you spoiled me with not having to use condoms. I miss your skin on mine, I miss your lips on mine, I miss your cock in my mouth. Since I don’t have a roommate yet, I think I’ll light your candle, put on the sexy music playlist we used to fuck to and add some of that EO to my wrists. I’m going to suck on my dildo. I’ll start slow just licking the tip, I’ll imagine your hand in my hair and your sky blue eyes watching every flick of my tongue. I’ll make sure my lips are good and wet before I slide it down my throat. And I’ll be fucking myself with my vibrator, the one that's curved. The only thoughts I'll have in my mind are ‘it’s your cock in my mouth, it’s your hand on my pussy, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you’. I’m gonna cum so hard, moaning around your imagined cock in my mouth, I may have to do it twice. God I miss you. Tell me more about how you jerk off to pictures of me, that is so damn hot. I’m just imagining you stroking yourself, playing with the tip a little. Damn. ~Your Slutty Kitty

 9/22/20

My bad, bad Kitty, I do not know how you do it, but are you aware of how fucking sexy you are? Even just via email you get me so riled up. How do you take the mere 26 letters of the alphabet and make them into these sexy fucking pictures in my head?! I miss my cock in your mouth too, I miss you laying out on the bed with your legs wide and my head buried between them. I don’t have anything to lick and pretend is your pussy, but I promise I will make up for it when I see you next. Oh lord I gotta go take care of this massively hard co

9/22/20

Hey love,  Sorry, I hit send without meaning to! You got me so hot I wasn’t thinking clearly. It didn’t take me long baby, I used that coconut oil from just before you left. The scent totally put me right back there with you on your knees devouring my cock. That reminds me, I need to get that dress dry-cleaned… It’s stopped smelling like you now so… I suppose it’s time. I’m ready- ish, the last 6 months made me feel like all the Elvis sunk into my bones. I’ve been working like a fiend with Baz and Polly and Irene and Erik. They have all commented on how it’s different now, more natural. My day is so full of Elvis again it’s hard to think about anything else. I’m so nervous all over again. I’m waking up at 3 again. I miss you. Not just for the sex baby, but you. You make me better. Please keep trying to call, my PA on set will have my phone when I don’t. I put one of your pics up in my trailer, btw, one of the clothed ones. I kiss my fingers and touch it every time I leave and say hello to it when I come in. People that see me do it still don't know who you are, (Baz and Tom are good secret keepers). That last article with the pics of you and I at the airport really threw them all off. I think Kate told me that the paps were searching the passenger lists for all outgoing planes to Europe that day to see if they could figure out who you were. It's fun to keep them guessing. I totally get the hooking up, happens on set too. People are people. I’m not worried about you Kitten. How’s your demon though… she doin’ ok? Getting out of hand at all… pun intended! Ok, early call in the morning. I love you so much. 160 days +/- ~ton Roi

10.11.20

My darling man,  FUCK I am still riding the high from talking to you last week! I can’t believe I caught you in your trailer too! I’m sorry I couldn’t play sexy games back with you because the phone was too public on my end. I loved you telling me how you were stroking yourself though and how you came on your stomach. I went right back to my room, to rub one out. Damn. Luckily my new roommate was at work. She asked me when she moved in why I had a pic of you and me on the wall by my desk. I told her I was in love with you. It was so funny, she sat down on the couch and started talking about you like we were in middle school. ‘ He’s so dreamy and I hear he broke up with his girlfriend and is dating a French woman!’ “was that the only time you met him?” Oh my god, it was all I could do to not laugh in her face. I’m sorry baby, I had to tell her. I hope you aren’t mad! I still don’t think she believes me, even after I showed her pictures of us (appropriately clothed of course). I appreciate you asking after that sexy bitch in my head. She is doing fine, staying on her lead. None of these people would satisfy her anyway. She’s too far gone for you. :) My daily horniness level has chilled out since I’ve not been getting fucked by you on the regular, though there are times! Oh and fun news! I’m going to be setting up a few field camps in a couple weeks, so I won’t be in touch much after halloween -ish. But I WILL be out on the literal ice. Think warm thoughts for me! At least I will get away from Joe! He is still a dick.

~your naughty Kitten (for different reasons)

10/12/20

Kitten,  Of course I’m not mad! Once you are back I want the whole world to know that you are mine and I am yours. Also, Kate set up a meeting with your cousin Marissa. I talked to her and got her info when I talked to Uncle Roy. (He still refuses to let me pay him.) Kate was impressed by her and is planning on offering her a paid internship. Love you baby, go conquer that ice! ~Aus

(Please read the following letter with a deep southern accent of yore) Twenty fifth day of October in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty My darling Austin, I pray that this electronic mail finds you healthy and hale. I have been feeling dashed about by the trials and travails of my good work here on the deep continent. We no longer are a sleepy little hamlet of a mere 200 people. Oh no! A veritable influx of learned people hath arrived, swelling our little cold town to over 800! The light has arisen indeed as we currently receive a joyful 15 hours of sunlight each blessed day. My dear roommate Tabitha seems to have accepted the love that exists between us, my dear Austin, since she overheard our delightful conversation on the telephone a scant few days ago. Indeed it seems she has spread our information to the other members of the kitchen staff as one of the good ladies asked me about it the other day as I procured my nourishment. The person in question didn’t know you, but was happy to know I was dating someone, since apparently the rumor had been circulating that I was a person uninterested, sexually that is. The very idea! My darling Austin, I shall be leaving in two days time for my quest on the ice. It will be my pleasure to erect structures providing temporary shelter from which the good men and women of science may illicit new and exciting information about this oft times perplexing world that humanity calls home. And before you query, yes, I must confess my dear Mr. Butler, I have been imbibing in the devil's drink and yes my loins still burn for you. Pray for me, dear man, that I may endure such hardships that may come and be delivered forthwith into your awaiting arms. With all my love and tenderness. Miss Kitten P.S. Sorry about drunk-as-fuck girl up there, she is just being silly. Can’t wait to fuck your brains out again! Love you -She Demon

10/26/20

Kitten,  You are so weird. I fucking love it and you. I’m so glad you are mine. Filming is so far so good. I barely have time to think, which is perfect. Also, I was eating a mango in the kitchen last night. You know how you cut the side off and score it then turn it inside out? Well, I decided just to eat it off the rind like that, instead of cut the chunks out. And all of a sudden it was like eating your dripping pussy. I am slightly ashamed to say that I dropped my pants right there and jerked off with the coconut oil. The juice was dripping down my chin and chest and onto my cock. Oh, My. God. It was the best one yet. I’ll have to do it for you (to you?) when you get back. Needless to say, a whole new world has opened up to me. I WILL be buying more mangoes. I may not be able to see one without getting aroused from here on out. I think I’ll go have the other half now…

Good luck doing bang! bang! construction things on the ice! Stay safe and warm. I’ll talk to you when you get back. Forever yours- Austin

10.27.20

Aus-  Oh, Mangoes… Damn. Now I fucking want mangoes. Freshies are like currency down here, I haven’t seen a mango though. Just so you know, that last letter was a bet between me and Tabs. We did karaoke that night and I got a little sloshed and started talking in accents. She didn’t think I would do it. Lol! I tried calling you a few min ago, but no answer. I’m leaving in an hour. I’ll email and try to call when I’m back! Oh and come to find out that Joe thought he was flirting with me the whole time, he likes me. Was about to pull my pigtails, I suspect. Boys are so weird. I confronted him and he confessed he was crushing on me pretty hard. I told him about you ( not by name) and that I wasn’t available (plus I would fucking break him). He seems to have backed off and will hopefully treat me like a person. So yay! Growth! Love you tons, Tally ho! Kitten

10/28/20

Darling,  It breaks my heart that I missed hearing your voice. I really needed it too. We filmed some gut wrenching stuff this week and I just needed you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Austin 124 +/-

 11.22.20

Sweet, sweet man, I love you too! I’m sorry you had a tough week and I wasn’t there for you. I promise after this, I will never be more than a text away from you again. I hope it’s gotten better! I’m going to try calling tonight when I get off work. Thank god I’m back though! We had a crazy, crazy time. We got caught in a freak storm at Amundsen-Scott. We were supposed to be there for like a day to get supplies and such. We ended up there for 5 days! But after that things cleared up, it was amazing. We set up 5 different camps. Everything from simple temporary polar escapes on wooden platforms to actual shelters that will have to stand up for the rest of the season if not longer. One was at a penguin rookery! They were adorable and came right up to us! Miss you love, hopefully we will talk soon! ~Kitten

11/23/20

Babe,  Those pictures with you and the penguins are unreal! I can't believe they just walked up to you. It blows my mind that anything can live down there. How are things with Joe? Did he actually change his behavior? I would say ‘do you need me to come down there?’ but I know you got this, my amazing, strong sexy beast of a woman. I hope I can pick up when you call next. Missing hearing your voice broke my heart. ~Aus 98+/- (Why is this taking so damn long! You should be in my arms.)

 12.14.20

Dear darling Austin, Thank god we got to talk last week, I was really worried about you. Digging into the pain about your mom… I just wish I was there to hold you tight, like she would’ve been. I know I didn’t know her, but from everything you’ve said, I know I would have adored her. (hugs, hugs and more hugs) I got your package yesterday! I opened it without thinking, thank god all the things in it were wrapped! Except for the mangoes… fuck baby. They are perfectly ripe right now, if a little frozen. I’m gonna go eat some mango pussy. Would you like that? watching me eat pussy….

Did you get my package yet? It might be a bit silly. But you can open it when you get it. :) We have been digging into this new building since I got back. The guys worked on all the steel pieces and I’m lead on the framing team. It’s definitely different from what I’ve been used to doing. But I’m finding that all my skills are actually helpful because I know the pieces that come next, so I don’t let the crew fuck things up for the electricians and plumbers and drywallers that will be coming behind us in the future. I miss you baby, I know we keep saying that to each other, so much that it’s like saying something over and over again and the shape of it feels odd in your mouth all of a sudden. But even though I have made great friends here and am in a routine that pulls me from day to day, it would be perfect if you were here with me. With you on my arm, no one would try to pull my pigtails! Love you with all my heart ~Kitten

12/25/20

Baby Doll,  Merry Christmas!! Babe, I did get your package, and I didn’t open in until this morning. Why would you say it’s silly? It’s amazing. You painted this? I am going to take it in and have it framed so I can hang it up. Wow. If you ever wanted to stop doing construction, you could be a professional artist. Tom and Rita have invited a bunch of us up to their place for dinner. I’m about to go get ready but just wanted to tell you that yes, I get it. Saying it gets old, but it doesn't mean we don’t feel it still. Yeah, mom would’ve adored you right back. I fucking miss you. I fucking love you. And holy fuck yes on watching you eat pussy, mango or otherwise.

66 days +/- (can we make time move faster?) ~Your own personal elf- Austin

12.25.20

Dear Austin,  Merry Christmas!! I loved your gifts, they are perfect for here! Lip balm and sunscreen and the warmest, silliest socks. That mini humidifier is sitting on my bedside table as we speak! The running gloves for under my big ones are going to be a game changer! Now I can do fiddly bits without my fingers getting cold! Although it’s a ridiculously balmy 25 degrees Celsius out there right now. I don’t even bring my red parka out right now! Today I joined the Antarctic Polar bear club. Yup I plunged into barely above freezing water in my underwear, no not the unicorn ones, I actually had some polar bear ones I brought just for this! I was nothing if not on theme! It was fucking cold. And exhilarating! But I’m not sure I want to do it again. Luckily we went right into the sauna to warm up! Love you ever so much, give Tom and Rita my love! ~Your Xmas Kitten

1/1/21

My sweet Kitten, Thank you for the phone call, oh my god I needed it. I’m feeling so worn out, even though we kinda had this week off and I’ve been just sleeping as much as I can and going to the beach with other cast members, it’s just not the same without my best girl next to me. (that’s you, btw) I wish I had you with me last night to kiss. I did end up kissing Olivia, but it was just a new years eve peck thing, plus it’s not like we’ve not kissed on set. Is that weird for you? I’ve never asked you about it. Love you so much, it hurts. I def need a kiss on my heart. 59 days +/- ~Yours, Austin

1.3.21

Austin, When I see you, you are gonna get all the kisses on every part of you. Real talk babe: where I’d like to be there to remind you what my kisses are like and reap the benefits if you get turned on, kissing on set doesn't bug me, that’s just part of acting. Didn’t Elvis kiss like all the girls in the audience? Super-spreader much? Ha! TBH, I pecked a few people too when we counted down to midnight. How do you feel about that? Wow, that looks super passive aggressive. I’m def not meaning it that way. Just wondering cuz we’ve never talked about it and I don’t think our games with Loki or ‘the guy from Brisbane’ count as talking about it! Now actually making out with someone like not for work (that’s a crazy sentence right there!)… that we’d def have to talk about. I mean… mostly because I would want to be a part of something hot like that. FOMO!!! On a different note, I sang in Icestock last night. It’s the annual McMurdo music festival. There were comedians and skits and mini plays and bands and a chili cook off! I sang a bunch of stuff with some guys, we had to rehearse on our off time but it was super fun! I had my buddy video it. I’m gonna put it on a USB stick and send it to you, just for fun! There is some other stuff on there too, just for you, including my polar plunge! God we needed a party too. The grind was getting to us all. Yeah we have 24 hours of daylight, but I never knew I’d miss the stars so much! We are about to head into Vessel Season, that means extra people in town, mostly Kiwi and US military, to help unload the massive supply ships. From what I understand we will be pulled to help. I love you baby, soon hunny, soon I miss YOUR kisses ~Kitten

 1/8/21

My darling love, Happy Elvis’ birthday! He would've been 86. We had a huge birthday cake on set today. I don’t really care about pecks like that, plus you are too French for me to get up in arms about that. I do feel the same way you do about making out. If you are gonna make out with someone, I want to be there too. If it’s a girl, I def want to be there. That would be hot. We filmed a kissing scene today between young Elvis and younger Priscilla. It really made me miss you so much. I definitely channeled our first kiss into the work. Remember, on the couch? This might be weird to say, but no one kisses me like you do. Love and miss you, 52 days +/- ~Aus

1/25/21

Kitten,  Honey, I have a confession. We were rehearsing one of the big shows where Elvis goes into the audience and kisses all the girls. I had to talk my own demon out of taking home an extra and fucking her silly. She looked just enough like you and she was staring at me all dreamy eyed when I was on stage. Then I had to kiss all these women in the audience and I was all worked up. I’m sorry babe, know that I didn’t do anything or even talk to her. But we talked about being honest with one another and I feel better with you knowing. No I’m not asking if I can do anything with her, it was just like a perfect storm to turn me on. Honestly I’ve been too exhausted and terrified to really feel horny lately, so it kinda took me by surprise. I’m so sorry if this makes you mad. Know I love you and I’m not gonna do anything to screw up what we have. ~Austin 35 days +/- (I can wait, I swear)

1.26.21

Babe,  Love you, not mad. Will respond more when I have time! ~Your best girl

1.31.21

Ok my love,  First of all, I’m sorry this took so long to reply to. It’s been so busy here I’ve not had time. Secondly, I’m not mad. You are human, despite your intrusive thoughts to the contrary. Being attracted to people is just a part of being human. It actually feels really good that you were comfy enough to tell me how you are feeling. Thank you for trusting me. I have this ideal thought in my head that I’d want to be cool with a sorta semi-permeable relationship. Like yeah, making out with a women with you would be hot… fuck I think making out with a man with you would blow my fucking mind. (would you be down for that? Kissing a guy?) But I know I’m not cool with either of us just fucking others at will, at least not when we are this far away. How could you reclaim me, or I you, when these miles exist between us? Share someone with you? Sure, but we need to actually sit down and talk about it face to face. When I'm back and we’ve talked and you and I have had our fill of one another, if that girl is game and we get along… I’m down to try it out, baby. If you are even interested in that. There are a few cute Airmen here, but my demon seems to be slumbering. Remember, the less I get the less I want it. It could also be the fucking 10-12 hour days we’ve been putting in! Which is VERY different from fucking 10-12 hours a day.  Remember our first 72 hours? Damn that was amazing. I love you baby, now and forever, Your lover- Kitten

2/4/21

Amazing woman of my dreams,  How are you so fucking cool, do you know how hard I had to work to get my other gf’s to be cool about kissing on set, let alone talk about sharing a person. This whole thing makes me love you even more. How do I feel about kissing a guy? I think it depends on the guy. But it doesn’t squick me out or anything. Honestly right now, if it meant getting to hold you in my arms, I’d do it and more in a heartbeat. And for the record, I don’t think I could ever ‘get my fill’ of you babe. I love you so much, 25 days +/- (is that fucking real, only 25 days???) Devoted to you- Austin

2.25.21

Babe,  Oh my god! I am so done helping unload and reload ships! Give me my fucking hammer and let me pound something! So I have some shitty news. Y’know how, on the phone we were talking about my departure date being end of February and being back with you by March 1st. Well, I got my departure date, it’s not until March 10th, and I can’t move it up. They even offered me a bonus to stay overwinter, but I declined. As cool as it’s been I need to get off the ice and into your arms. So I won't be back on the Gold Coast until March 12th at the earliest. I don’t know if I have to quarantine. I have to arrange for my stuff to be shipped to Greece in that time as well. You say you have to leave for London mid March. I’m freaking out that I might miss you. I’m gonna try to call tomorrow so we can talk about it. Fuck this sucks, Love you so much ~Kitten

[trickstarbrave]

Honestly the biggest stressor w my family lately is the mind games. Like. I hate not being able to take any of them at their word. I have constant paranoia even thinking abt them now.

“You should ask us for help! We want to help! Your friends can also ask us for help!” And then the second I ask for help I am unable to do anything on my own and I don’t help out enough and I’m not trying hard enough to do anything and don’t I know everyone in my family has it way worse than me. And my friends are useless and why don’t they just ask their own families for help why do I bother helping them why am I making my family help them.

And then I insist on doing everything myself and they start lecturing me that I’m doing stuff wrong or I’m trying too hard and messing stuff up or I’m trying to make them feel guilty for not helping me???? Literally what do you want from me. Can you literally just say you don’t want to help because my reaction will be “oh okay sorry” and I will move on and find a dif way to solve the problem.

My grandpa comes and takes out the trash and I tell him he doesn’t have to and I can get it and he says he just wants to help out. And then my mom calls me yelling at me that I’m making my elderly grandfather do stuff and why can’t I just take out the trash myself. I literally cannot win. They offer to give my roommate a ride home from work when it’s cold and dark even tho it’s only three blocks away and my roommate takes them up on their offer sometimes and gets told “feel free to call us for help anytime!” And then I get lectured that the store is only 3 blocks away why they just walk home and if they have trouble walking maybe they should just get a plane ticket to go live with their abusive parents. My dog had to get put down and my grandpa paid for the procedure and cremation and then I GOT YELLED AT FOR IT?!?! “Why do we have to spend money on the dog???” I literally didn’t even ask this time I had my card out to pay and everything while I was crying. Legit why am I getting in trouble for this.you guys can just not offer or just say no. What am I gonna do. Make you? When have I ever done that???? I am not god and have no power over you I am broke and disabled????

Anyways sorry for venting I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do in this situation

[justastrugglinghotchocolate]

Hi hello, I was listening to Ib music and now i need to tell you about a dumb little Ib (the rpg horror game) au, that I won’t do much with but that I want to exist in the world outside of my brain. If things are incoherent, it’s cause I am caffeinated.

Spoilers for Ib (It’s 2022, if you haven’t heard of this game, do yourself a favor and watch a playthrough or read the wiki. This game was my childhood.)

Right off the bat, Dorian is Mary, so he doesn’t exist in the same world as Basil and Henry. Also this is for the Henry/Basil fandom. If you want Dasil, check any of my other works. Also everyone is an adult, ranging from their 20s.

Oke, it takes place in the Modern day and has the same premise as the original: Basil and Henry, who have known each other for years at this point, go to an art gallery, though in this case it’s to celebrate “something.” (Henry refuses to say what it is [he’s expecting Basil to confess, he’s right.]) Anyways, then Basil finds the Fabricated World painting and gets transported there.

The person he finds and partners with is not Henry, but, surprise!—it’s Sybil! (Because I think she’s a way cooler option, and they’re gonna be friends). So the AU would follow the same plot as the original game with some changes made to adhere to the new characters. Eventually they meet Dorian, believe he’s also trapped there and all three team up, until it becomes very clear that he is a painting, and yes, he has been trying to get Sybil killed so that he can escape with Basil.

Oke now I’m gonna talk about some endings:

Welcome to the World of Guertena: Sybil gets attacked by weird ass gallery dolls and has a mental break. Basil refuses to leave her behind, infuriating Dorian. Basil tells him off and, in retaliation, Dorian starts tearing off the petals on Basil’s rose. (If you don’t know, in the game, the characters’ lives are connected to the roses, any damage done to the flower hurts them.) Dorian injures Basil enough, that he can’t leave and decides that they’ll all stay in this world, together. Great for him, bad for the other two.

Forgotten Portrait: Sybil dies because of Dorian destroying her rose, Basil has to leave her behind and find Dorian’s painting. He sets the portrait alight, which kills Dorian. He manages to leave this world, returning to the gallery with no memory of what happened. He starts making his way back to Henry when he sees a portrait of Sybil ‘sleeping’. He starts crying, not knowing why, and Henry finds him, an inconsolable mess. He decides the confession can wait and guides Basil out of the gallery.

Together, Forever: Sybil dies, but Basil doesn’t have the lighter, so never burns the portrait. He returns to his world, doesn’t remember anything, and looks for Henry. He finds him with Dorian. As in the game, the world changes so that Dorian existence makes sense—he’s Basil’s roommate, has been for a while now. Basil’s memory in foggy and he finds a piece of candy in his pocket (Sybil had given it to him earlier), but then Dorian takes it from him and eats it, forever destroying any chance of his crime being discovered. He then insists on Basil returning home, cockblocking Henry, and drags Basil outside the gallery. It’s implied that Dorian has no inclination to share his new best friend.

Ib (Basil) All Alone: Having lost Sybil and burned Dorian, Basil wanders the now empty gallery and finds a bed. Realizing that he’s exhausted, he lays in it and reminisces of his last birthday. Henry had given him a stuffed toy as a joke, before revealing that he actually got him a finely made silk handkerchief. (Basil always carries it with him now) Throughout the memory, Basil feels himself slowly fall further and further asleep. Eventually in the memory (dream?), he slumps onto Henry, who tells him he can sleep if he’d like, though Basil feebly tells him that he needs to tell him something. He slips away and the exhibit now has a sleeping beauty.

Promise of Reunion: Sybil and Basil burn down the portrait, but the fire causes the glass of the portrait to shatter, cutting Sybil’s hand. Using the handkerchief Henry gave him, Basil helps bandage the world. They leave together, don’t remember where they were, yadda yadda. Basil eventually bumps into her and they talks about stuff, before he notices his handkerchief and then they remember. They promises to meet again, Sybil inviting him to a show and taking the handkerchief to wash it. Basil returns to Henry, who has no idea of the strange adventure his friend just experienced. Basil, now confident and knowing how easily everything could be lost, kisses him instead of verbally confessing. Henry is absolutely stunned (though very, very pleased) and then gets dragged by Basil to dinner, barely able to comprehend what’s happened. Basil and Sybil do meet again, the adventure in the fabricated world nothing but a secret between them.

Thank you so much for reading. I know that neither of these fandoms are particularly active and I’m currently shadowbanned, so if even one person took the time out of their day to read this, that means a lot to me :). I may do sone doodles of this, perhaps even a few ficlets, but nothing too substantial.

[dark-lilluna]

i swear men are the dumbest beings.

background my bf lives with me but we have our own rooms as we are trying to work on ourselves. i let him move his dog in too which is against my lease.

today i had a weird feeling and he left his messages open so i peeked and hurt my feelings. he told our ex gf “i need you at xyz because this bitch ain’t shit”

so i sit in my sadness and feelings for a bit cry take a nap because he left this morning. so i get up and decide to be productive i do my laundry, his laundry and my friends laundry as a favor for letting me use hers so i don’t have to go to the laundromat. i text him i’m omw home and ask him to grab a basket (bc i’m cramping like a mf)….no response. so i unload and load all the laundry into the house put his in his room he’s gaming of course and yup started my period as i carry mine to my room. so i go to the bathroom and just decided to get in the shower at this point because i can’t. while i’m doing that i hear him say why is this wet and why would you wash my hoodie? because nigga it smelled like shit and needed to be washed. and if it didn’t maybe don’t throw all your shit on the floor i would know what’s clean and you don’t use deodorant half the time so yes your shit smells and needs to be washed. you’re fucking welcome.

then he comes to talk since i just go to my room after my shower. bruh. he’s mad i cleaned his room. like you’re right i shouldn’t have to and if you know i have anxiety and ocd and we chill in your room then why wouldn’t you try to keep it clean and if i’m in there to get your laundry since i’m doing mine anyway i’m just gonna clean up the rest of the stuff. but it’s a problem because i don’t respect his space because i hung up his tapestry he said he wanted hung. i thought i was helping. but apparently i’m just a nagging bitch. so now he wants to be roommates.

[scott-mccall-the-hot-girl]

my ultimate guide to thiam fic !!

( as a new teen wolf stan )

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the classic post war, long ass (multi chapter) fic !!with great development that genuinely made me laugh out loud, they have the best friendship in this & i love it very much. ( like theo teaches liam to drive and i just *happy sobs* ) a fundamental in thiam fanfiction !! all stans have probably already read it but if you haven’t this is in fact a threat ,, go show this vv iconic story some love !!

Airplanes - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: After the Anuk-ite and the hunters are dealt with Liam needs a break. Cue Theo and a road trip that Liam should know better than to think will be peaceful.

Not Rated, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, 43/43 Chapters, Words: 236,875 (236k)

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okay okay so this one is also post 6B !! but ,, now we introduce fighting monroe & the hunters again ,, so we get the boys & a new mission !! so if you like an intresting plot 11/10 would recommend !! just to be clear this ISN’T complete ,, if that turns you off i understand but definitely give this one a read !! it litterally have theo doing crossword puzzles & fighting zombies

Vacancy Signs - LovelyLittleGrim

Summary: Theo and Liam are in Manhattan negotiating a pack allyship when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Now, the two of them have to find their way back to Beacon Hills without getting eaten by zombies or killing one another.

Rated: Explicit, Graphic Description of Violence, Not Completed, 15/17 Chapters, Words: 89,605 (89k)

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Royalty AU !! I REPEAT ROYALTY AU !! a fantastic au where i stan their moms more than i stan them !! genuinely so good at the childhood rivals to lovers trope !! i’m genuinely obsessed with this one. has made me cry more than once ,, hurts in a good way <3 the ending is just *chefs kiss* also one of the tags is genuinely: # theo and liam make bad choices for over 130k straight !! if that doesn’t sound appealing i don’t know what does !!

Artificial Love - songbvrd

Summary: Prince Theo and Prince Liam are forced to spend every Summer together from age five onwards. They hate each other, and usually find ways to make each other miserable as much as possible in their six weeks together. But when they're reunited because of intended unions as adults, things change. They're both supposed to be married to noble women, but neither of them is as interested in anyone else as they are with their childhood rival.

Rated: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, Chapters: 32/32, Words: 172,935 (172k)

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so if you are in the mood for a crack fic that’s not explicitally a crack fic this is for you !! okay so i’m really hit or miss with AU’s ,, sometimes i feel like they don’t quite capture the characters right but this story have the BEST dramatic liam i have ever seen in my life !! basically they all live in the same apartment building & it’s fantastic !! i saw this one floating around a lot but the summary didn’t really unrest me until i have it a shot !! so go read it rn !! also nolan & brett are genuinely fantastic and make me wheeze ,, LIKE ACTUALLY VERBALLY LAUGHING !! all i’m gonna say is that my fav characters are scott & the beetles but that won’t make actual sense until you read it !!

The Neighbors Song - TheodoreR

Summary: “I always hear you singing on your balcony every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?”

Or the one where Theo annoys Liam every morning with his awful singing until he doesn’t anymore and Liam is even more annoyed. Liam hates every single thing about his mornings -the fact that they happen in the morning alone is enough. The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him, you can’t sing for shit!, and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster. Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.

Rated: Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Wanrings, Completed, 8/8 Chapters, Words: 42,814 (42k)

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me: i’m not a big fan of AU’s ,, proceeds to talk about ANOTHER au… OKAY BUT THIS ONE !! it’s not complete but the author has been updating regularly ,, vv slow burn !! but in a REALLY intresting way !! i lOVE LIAM IN THIS SO MUCH ,, he is such a diaster of a person and it’s wonderful !! they have a great dynamic & i’m sucker for general puppy pack content ( and erica reyes being a badass ) !! also theo plays lacrosse in this & i really like it ahhhhh ,, also liam is just being an artic monkeys stan the whole time & theo is like *que confused repressed gay noises*

Inglorious Roommates - honeyscape

Summary: A roommate is defined as “a person with whom one shares a room.”

Theo would say a roommate was more along the lines of, “The person who's the bane of his existence. The weirdo that sleeps for days. The spaz that exercises at 3am. The guy with a revolving door of annoying friends. An insufferable human being that Theo has no control over living in his room.”

Example: Theo hates his roommate Liam.

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okay okay i hate myself but i have another WIP for y’all !! this one is jUST FANTASTIC. i’m genuinely so upset it’s most likely not going to updated again *incoherent screaming ensues*. for this story ,, it’s very theo-centric bUT thats bc it ends right before liam becomes a concrete member of the story !! ANYWAY: basic plot = theo & acquiring not one but two children ,, so #dad theo but he is still crusty & homeless and i love him very much. it’s just so GOOD !! just read if you want to experience my fav theo coming out story & him etching high school musical

Look who's talking - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: Theo had been labeled many things in his life. Evil, failure, monster. He'd never thought Father would be one of those things but as he looked across the table to a six year old with blue smears of bubble gum icecream across her face trying to coax the first words out of her sister. Finger jabbing towards Theo's face as she repeated 'Daddy' again and again he couldn't bring himself to dispute the label.

(Theo accidentally adopts two young werewolves)

Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Not Completed, Chapters: 16/?, Words: 48740 ( 48k )

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so here me out: post-canon ( poetry like angst ) summer get away !! just the boys doing cute little domestic things together whilst pining !! theo’s guilt in this is just so powerful & aGjffkgkkfkvkdlv !! i think it’s so interesting to see how they interact in this one, it’s just very heart warming !! and it features one of my favorite niche teen wolf tropes of theo being great with like seven year old girls- it’s just so good ,, very much a wonderful little one shot that just makes your heart happy.

(next time i see you you'll show me) a hundred different ways to say the same things - cherrysprite

Summary: “...You deserve good things,” Liam says eventually. He makes sure not to look at Theo even though he can feel his eyes turn on him. Somehow he can already tell that Theo doesn’t believe him.

Liam instantly makes that the goal of this summer - making Theo believe him.

Rating: Teen and Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 28875 ( 28k )

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okay so this next section of fic recs is a bit different !!

two of my favorite authors !! and a compilation of fics i’ve read by them both !!

for context: these two have written some genuinely gorgeous fics, like pure poetry, they explore the real gritty & scary side of our boys relationship in such a wonderful way. they’ve both used some of my favorite tropes & i love them very much !!

whenever i need something soothing but so genuinely intresting & enticing these are my go to !! ( also they both write a lot of good nolan angst & some vv good fics with hayden )

go check out:

eneiryu

as well as fallingforboys

here are some of my favorite fics by them ~

darling i want you here in my arms (kiss the pain away, i know you can) - fallingforboys

even before you touched me, i belonged to you (all you had to do was look at me) - fallingforboys

memories linger like tattoo scars (but your touch on my skin is just as permanent) - fallingforboys

skin, bones, a stolen heart, and an ugly creature lurking underneath -fallingforboys

i don't know how to breathe in the place i called home - fallingforboys

whisper your gossamer truths into the shadow, maybe you'll find the answers you're searching for - fallingforboys

between the mountains and the valley we built a monument to our regret - eneiryu

cracked the hinges of the cage and waited for you - eneiryu

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okay and finally: since i am a self centered whore

my own fic: an rendition of the # elevator scene

it’s basically my version of post canon if we did get the kiss in the elevator. we got a classic liam pov in which he is has 12/10 for extreme bi diaster energy even whilst being shot at !! so go him ig…

Fuck Off, Fuck This & Fuck It! - nefelibata_peach

Summary: Liam thought to himself heart rate climbing, they were bound to be dead by morning. So he thought with everything but his brain and he kissed him.

Where Liam Dunbar is very confused, slightly traumatized, and just a bit scared but hey, aren't they all! Bad decisions ensue as two boys fight in a war they never did sign up for.

Rating: Teen and Up, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 3558 ( 3k )

[the-witty-pen-name]

The Nanny Pt. 1

Lee Bodecker x Nanny!F!Reader

18+ 

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, implied age gap (reader is in her 20s), cursing, Sandy and Carl being bad parents, 18+ content in later chapters 

Summary:

Based on this Request: The reader moves to Meade/Knockemstiff while answering an advertisement for a nanny in the paper. We learn that the ad was posted by Sandy, who has the reader watch her child whenever she and Carl leave to do their secret thing. After one of these trips, Sandy and her husband never return, so the reader is left caring for their baby. With the new investigation into these events, she meets Sandy’s brother Lee, the older, out of shape, alcoholic bachelor, and they are suddenly thrown into each others lives as he begins looking into his sister’s disappearance. Through it all, Lee starts to fall for her, and they slowly become a family.

A/N: Here is the first part of my newest series and I want to thank the anon who reached out to me with this idea! 

If I missed anything I should include as a warning that I missed please let me know!

Taglist Form is in my bio and should be updated to now to include this fic! (If for some reason it isn’t working send me a message and I’ll make sure you’re added!!)

“Damn it, Sandy, can’t you handle that?” Carl yells from his dark room as the baby starts crying again.

“Fuck you, Carl,” Sandy shouts back, hurrying to put out her cigarette before heading to the nursery.

Their little girl was just about a year old, and neither one of them knew what they were doing. Carl was incredibly indifferent and despite her honest attempts at motherhood, Sandy’s maternal instincts never kicked in like she thought it would happen. Carl was annoyed that it cut into their time they would be on trips. They weren’t able to photograph models with the baby on the road, so he’d been itching to get back on the road.

“Is she hungry?” he shouts back, not even bothering to take his eyes off of the most recent photographs he had been developing.

“I just fed her!”

“Then why is she crying?”

“Fuck if I know,” Sandy shouts back exasperated. She scooped up the baby from her crib and started to rock her back and forth in her arms. Sandy also tried burping her, humming a little lullaby she made up on the fly… no luck. She walks around the house with the baby on her hip, trying to rock her back to sleep.

“We haven’t able to get back on the road in a year,” Carl says, clearly frustrated.

“That ain’t purely my fault,” she spits back, “Takes two to make a baby, Carl.”

“Fuck I know,” he groans, “But I need new inspiration. If I take one more picture of nature…”

“If she’s such a hindrance, pay for a damn sitter like I suggested months ago,” she counters.

“We can’t have no stranger walking around the house Sandy,” he points out.

“Just keep your damn room locked, it’s not a huge deal,” Sandy sighs. “Besides, no one is gonna snoop around if you pay ‘em enough. You damn well produce your own incriminating evidence; you should always have that room locked anyways.”

“We only have to worry about your damn brother,” Carl points out, “We hire a fucking sitter that’s two people we need to worry about.”

“You’re just to goddamn cheap to hire somebody,” Sandy states, moving back towards the nursery, the baby now snoring softly.

“You know what? Fine,” Carl says defeated. “But you’re in charge of putting the ad out and hiring somebody.”

“Thank you,” she says in a sing song tone, happy she got her way. But the moment of quiet that follows is short lived as they baby starts crying again.

“Please for the love of God can you just take care of that?” Carl yells, and the argument circles back to the beginning.

You had sat in the small dinner in the corner booth hunched over the newspaper and nursing your now cold cup of coffee. You had just arrived in Knockemstiff and were looking for work. “Any leads?” Julie asked as she topped off your coffee. Julie was your roommate. You had found her the same way you were currently looking for a job. You must have answered at least ten terrible Roommate Wanted ads until you had found Julie. The two of you now share an apartment- the top floor of a three-family owned by a sweet older couple.

“Thank you,” you say without looking up from scanning the ads. “Maybe this one?” You say pointing to one of the ads. She looks to see her manager stepped out for his smoke break before sliding in the booth across from you. You slide the paper over to her and she reads the ad out loud.

NANNY NEEDED Knockemstiff, Ohio

Couple that travels for work in need of a nanny for one-year-old daughter.

Temporary live-in position for several weeks at a time. Pay negotiable.

Call Sandy Henderson at the below number.

“I can sublet the room temporarily while you stay there,” Julie offers. “It’s a pretty vague offer,” she continues. “I wouldn’t commit until you call and speak to that Sandy woman.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll need to be interviewed,” you agree. “What kind of people are comfortable just leaving their baby for weeks at a time with a perfect stranger?”

“Paul is still out back I think,” she chuckles, “I’ll let you use the wall phone.”

You take a seat at one of the stools at the counter, and she dials the number for you and then passes you the receiver. You mouth a thank you and she waves her hand in dismissal as she heads over to take someone’s order.

“Whaddya want?” the woman on the other end answers abruptly.

“Oh, I’m calling about the ad in the paper regarding the nanny position. Is it still available?”

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, hun,” the woman says, now in a much nicer tone. “Thought it was my brother calling. Yes, it is, and we need it filled as soon as possible. When are you available?”

“For an interview?” You ask.

“Yeah,” she says mumbled, like she is dangling a cigarette from her mouth. “Can you come today?”

“Oh, wow. Yes, I can,” you reply.

“Great, um, you got a pen? Take down this address.”

About two hours, a change of clothes and a cab ride later, you were standing outside a house towards the end of town. It was a little run down, but what building in this town wasn’t? You were a little nervous of course, but it was also the most unconventional way you have gotten an interview. Part of you was relieved, because the woman on the phone sounded real, not phony, but the circumstances still made you uneasy. Julie had the address and said you’d call when you got back to the taxi dispatch.

“Welcome, welcome,” Sandy smiled, opening up the door for you. She had one hand on the doorknob and one of the cutest babies you’d ever seen in the other. “Come on in, make yourself comfortable.”

“Who is this?” you coo, leaning down to the baby’s eye level. “She’s darling.”

“This little sweetheart is Valerie,” Sandy smiles, passing the baby to you. “She’s so well-behaved. Hardly ever cries.”

“She’s adorable,” you smile, as the baby cuddles up close, resting her head on your shoulder. “I didn’t properly introduce myself on the phone. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“I’m Sandy,” she introduces herself. “Please take a seat on the couch, get comfortable. I hate things that are so formal. Bleh.”

You take a seat on the couch, and readjust the little girl in your arms so she’s sitting on your lap and her back is resting against you so she is supported.

“So, my husband and I are on the road a lot, usually,” she begins, “We took some time off when we had Valerie, but we really need to start working again, you understand.”

“Of course, what do you both do?” you ask politely.

“We’re photographers,” she beams, “Mostly nature and landmarks- which reminds me! We have a darkroom in the house, but that door will be locked when you’re staying here. We don’t want any damage to any of the negatives we have stored in there you understand. Everywhere else in the house is yours to explore! And of course we gotta spare bedroom you can call your own.”

“Fair enough,” you joke.

“So, tell me about yourself, honey,” she smiles, crossing her legs in the armchair where she sat.

“Well, I just moved here a few weeks ago actually,” you begin, “I just recently finished school, and now I’m looking for work. I just got my degree in early childcare from the state college.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” she says with a clap of her hands. “So, you’re local?”

“Yes, I live in town.”

“Excellent! We’d also love for this to be like an on-call thing as well, you know for date nights and things like that for times when we’re home. Like for a few hours here and there. And of course, we’ll always live money for groceries or whatever you need on top of your pay for emergencies incase Valerie needs formula or diapers or anything.”

“Perfect,” you smile, surprised how well the conversation was going. Sandy was easy-going and nice to talk to. The two of you sat and talked for a little under an hour, her asking all the standard questions you anticipated. You also were able to ask her some more of your own questions as well. It was the most effortless interview you had been on easily.

“I’m sorry you weren’t able to meet Carl today,” she says when she is showing you out. “But hun, I feel confident to offer you the job. We haven’t had many applicants and you’re the most qualified one I’ve spoken to. The job is yours if you want it?”

“When can I start?” you smile, making her laugh.

“Your number is on the resume, right?” she says, scooping up the baby. You nod, waving goodbye to the baby and then saying goodbye to Sandy.

“I’ll call you when I speak to Carl, but I think once he knows he’ll want to head out as soon as we can. Plan for Sunday,” she says as you get into the cab.

Just like she had promised, you get a call from Sandy on Saturday afternoon asking you to show up the next morning at 9. You spend the day packing up your clothes and anything else you’d need for a few weeks. Sandy said they’d be back in two weeks but you pack for three just in case. Julie was also nice enough to help you. You didn’t need to do much. Ever since you had settled in Knockemstiff, you had been pretty lazy with unpacking and for once procrastination played out in your favor.

Julie insisted on taking you out to celebrate that night before starting your job tomorrow. There was a small little bar, a little shack of a place just on the outside of town you went to. Julie had a car and you drove, anticipating she’d have a lot more to drink than you. It was a hotter summer night, so you drove with the windows down and the radio playing a little louder than you normally would.

The outside was decorated with string lights of primary colors and the wooden awning looked like it was one more storm away from collapsing. But the atmosphere inside was to die for. The jukebox was playing loud dance music, and the place was crowded. Empty recycled glasses lined the walls on a high shelf as decoration along with weathered posters of anything Americana. A row of motorcycles and trucks were parked outside the little place and it looked like a pileup from how crowded the lot was. People lingered outside as well, and you both hoped you’d find seats inside.

The two of you found a high-top table and Julie made her way up to the bar, skillfully maneuvering through the crowd to grab you both some drinks. You let your eyes wandering, surveying the room and just people watching. Couples were dancing closely to the music that was rattling the jukebox, and a group of people were sitting at the bar huddles in to watch the little black and white portable television. You also noticed a group of men in uniform several tables down, local police. They weren’t paying any attention to anyone but their own conversation, except one.

He just so happened to have looked up just as your eyes landed on their table. Steel blue eyes cutting across everything and just staring right back into yours. It was a fraction of a second and his gaze was broken by Julie taking her seat across from you. You cleared your throat, and finally allowed yourself to exhale. You felt her raise an eyebrow at you but she didn’t press, just gave you a knowing smirk you brushed off. You still felt his gaze on you even if your view was now obstructed.

Sandy and Carl were in a rush when you arrived in the morning. Sandy ran you through the details of where everything was kept and told you that she would call to check in when she could when they made stopped. She helped you carry your bags in from the trunk of the taxi while Carl packed their bags in their car. He was polite enough, but you felt in your gut to just keep your distance. Sandy led you upstairs to the guest room she told you she worked to clean out for you. It was simple, a bed and a dresser with a small closet. She said it mostly had been storage and her weekend project had been clearing it out for you. It was simple, but good enough for you for sure. You thanked her and she dismissed it saying you were the one doing her a favor, making you laugh.

The whole ordeal was very hurried. Carl was rushing to get on the road as soon as possible and you could tell he was clearly irritated at how long Sandy was taking showing you around and explaining things about Valerie. Carrying the baby in your arms, you finally were settled in to your new role and Sandy gave one more big hug and a kiss on Valerie’s head before rushing down to the car. You waved to the pair of them from the small front porch, Sandy looking back and waving to the baby from the passenger seat until they were out of your line of vision.

The first day was a little daunting. New space, living in a house that isn’t yours and a baby babbling in your arms. She was a sweet thing, and she already had taken a liking to you. Heading over to her nursery, you saw that she had a little play pen folded up in the corner of the nursery and you quickly set it up in your room so you could unpack while keeping an eye on her. She babbled just happy utter nonsense to you while you navigated around the space and her big eyes just followed you, just watching you was entertaining for her for now. You were a new face and she was entertained just by that for now.

A few hours later, Valerie had settled down for a nap in the early afternoon. She was sleeping soundly in her crib and you were getting formula ready for when she woke up. It was quiet, the only noise in the house was the small sounds of your own rustling in the kitchen. You wondered when you would hear from Sandy, if it would be later tonight or in a couple of days. You just were lost in your own thoughts when you were startled by a loud knocking on the door. Instantly, Valerie began to cry. You wiped your hands quickly on the skirt of your dress before grabbing her. You rested her on your hip and rocked her gently, shushing her to calm down while you went to grab the door.

The first thing your eyes saw were the same blue eyes who was looking at you at the bar last night. The man’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked really confused. He had one hand rested on his hip and the other against the doorframe, but he stood up straight when he saw it wasn’t who he expected. Your eyes then went down to the shiny Sheriff’s Badge fixed in place on his uniform.

“Who are you?” he asks abruptly. “Where’s Sandy?”

“Sandy and Carl left this morning,” you explain, not sure if he recognizes you. “I’m their nanny.”

He laughs and shakes his head as he looks down, almost like he doesn’t believe you, or he just doesn’t believe the situation. “Carl? Carl Henderson hired a nanny?” he scoffs and you nod, holding Valerie a little closer. The little girl rubs her eyes and yawns, when her eyes flutter open, she looks at the stranger in the doorway and immediately reaches out to signal she wants to be held by him. You ignore her resistance to wanting to be in your arms until you get more information about why the Sheriff is at their doorstep, though she obviously knows him.

“I’m Sandy’s brother,” he explains, “Did she say when they were coming back?” He doesn’t try to hold the baby yet, just holds out one of his fingers and her little hand holds onto it tightly.

“Two weeks.”

“They hire a complete stranger to watch my niece and live in their house unsupervised while they drive around?” he scoffs, shaking his head again in disbelief.

“I’m more than qualified…”

“It’s not a jab at you, sweetheart,” the man tries to explain, “More so a reflection on my sister and her husband is all. They are… fairly selfish people and I wished this situation surprises me more than it does.”

“Should I tell her you came by when she calls?” you ask.

“If she calls,” the man chuckles, “Sure, let her know Lee stopped by to visit.”

“You don’t think she will?” you ask, tilting your head.

“We’ll see,” Lee shrugs, “Do I know you from somewhere?” He rests his arm back up on the doorframe and looks down to the baby again, extending out his free hand to her again and scrunching her cheeks.

“I don’t know,” you shrug, not wanting to admit you remembered seeing him last night. He purses his lips together and nods, not pressing further. He pushes off from the doorframe and puts his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Must’ve been in a dream then,” he smirks, and you feel your cheeks flush. He walks down the steps and back towards his cop car. “What did you say your name was?” he asks, turning back around.

“I didn’t,” you chuckle.

“Hmm,” he nods, and raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to fill in the blank. You tell him your name and he repeats it back to you like he’s thinking about it, trying it out to see how it sounds.

“Well,” he says, standing behind the open driver’s door, “Good luck, and I hope Sandy proves me wrong. Let me know if she calls.”

Taglist: 

@adelaide-walker @thedepressolit @samanthadegaro​ 

[bibbykins]

Insufferable

A/N: The long-awaited flashback is here! It's short, but it is here! I hope this can really show the turning point in Jungkook's and MC's relationship and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts. As usual, tips are not required but greatly appreciate. Hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day/night!

Note: This is a part (specifically a flashback) of The Household's Bunny series, so I recommend reading at least the Prologue before this one

Word count: 3.6k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader

Summary: Roommates are bound to have arguments, especially when one of them is as temperamental as Jungkook, but you didn't expect the first argument to get so unbelievably personal.

Warnings: abandonment issues, mommy issues, allusions to past abuse, family issues, crying, yelling, vomiting, panic attack, exhaustion, some soft yandere thoughts, some possessiveness, jungkook is mean and the MC gets a little mean too

There was something so constricting about memories of a shitty childhood. There were times when looking in the mirror felt like searching for the child in you so you could give her the hug she desperately needed. There were times when waking up felt like a check to make sure you were no longer in the home you had to grow up in far too quickly. However, the comfort of being in a different home only came so far when you didn't have anyone beside you or even emotionally available enough to talk to.

You stayed in bed for hours before it felt like a good idea to move, almost waiting for the mirage of change to fade before it brought you back to the gym with your mom or your uncle's apartment littered with whiskey bottles and leaky tear ducts.

Sometimes putting your best foot forward each day felt so hard with all-consuming loneliness clinging to your heels.

You had started your day going through your memory box. Hindsight said that was a poor idea. The box was a sure way to get you into a bad mood. You liked to think you breezed past all the stages of grief, but just because you accepted reality didn't make it hurt any less. The box was a strong reminder of that much as it sat with a melancholic aura. The creme color faded and the thorned vines connected to roses only added to the malicious undertones of its existence to your mental health. It was full of childhood photos, your birth certificate, school achievements, and the last known address your mom had.

Ah, your mom. What a way to bring clouds to your sunny day. You don’t know why you put yourself through the turmoil of the memory box. Maybe you were hoping it would be easier by now. You were always wrong. Looking through childhood photos and finding no love in the eyes of your mother when she looked at you and watching the love in your uncle’s eyes fade with your mother’s presence. You got to the fated birthday card, thumb rubbing over the defunct address longingly. You held the envelope in your hand, inspecting the birthday card she sent you. Three words in the repetitive note written on the inside caught your eye, and not the ones you so desperately wanted from her.

Feeling a familiar pressure behind your eyes, you tossed the card aside and stood. It was time to eat, go on a walk, do anything other than this. You found your way to the kitchen and came across a silent and solemn Jungkook. His jaw was clenched, but it felt like it always was around you.

Your relationship with Jungkook so far was not very complicated, in the way it was nonexistent. He either didn’t care about talking to you or he actively didn’t want to, you really couldn’t tell. This didn’t stop you from trying, though. Like an idiot.

“I’m making food, did you want any?” You asked from your place seated on the couch, and the silence that was his response for deafening, “Okaaaay.” You sang awkwardly, “I just know that you usually don’t eat throughout the day and-”

“And what do you know?!” He snapped, blinded by his pure and unbridled, but most important unprovoked, rage of you. Your eyes widened and your body jumped. Holy shit, you had never heard him yell like this, “You don’t know anything about me, or in general, so just stop trying so fucking hard!” He was harsh in his tone and it lit your whole nervous system on fire. What the hell did you do to him?

You shook your head, not sure why he was yelling about, but it made your throat feel like it was going to close, “Look, I was just trying to be polite, but you don’t need to talk about me like you understand-”

“Understand?! What’s there to understand?” He challenged, eyes wide like he was expecting you to say something but he continued, “You’re some spoiled girl living here rent-free because your precious dad doesn’t want to take care of you.”

Your heart caught in your throat as it shattered. He was right, your dad didn't want to take care of you, but not in the way he thought. Why was he doing this? Has he genuinely felt this way all along? Was he just holding in his anger until you poked the bear a little too hard? “You don’t need to yell at me.” You stated firmly and it seemed to only make things worse.

“And you don’t need to fucking be here in the first place!” He spoke, temper long lost and you could hear his voice mix in with Jungyoon’s, all he needed was a bottle of whisky and a set of calloused hands, “You didn’t need to fucking live here-”

“You don’t know anything about me.” You spat out. Now, you were losing your temper. You could take a beating, but for only so long, especially as an adult, "And it's not like you're paying rent either, so what do you know about me or my living arrangements?" You hissed and you watched his eyes flare, making you nearly regret your provocation.

“No, but I know how you look naked-”

“Fuck you.” You spit the word out at him, something you haven’t done to another person for a while “Don’t weaponize my work or play a game that you absolutely will lose.” You warned, “I know all about you, and I can use that, because you’ve been a star since you were 15, and that sucks, that makes you mad, doesn’t it?” Your temper effectively lost as you ripped into the rage-filled man before you, “Yet you don’t know anything about me, and that must piss you the fuck off, huh?” You stood from the couch, tears building in your eyes before you could stop it.

“I know enough, spoiled rich girl.” He seethed and you laughed humorlessly at this worldwide pop star calling you spoiled and rich.

“Not only are you wrong, but you’re also a poor listener.” You shot back, “I’ve told you all before Jungyoon isn’t my fucking dad, he’s my uncle.” His mouth opened but you cut him off before he could start, “He can’t stand the sight of me so he travels for work.” Your tears are undoubtedly falling, but you can’t stop, “And you’re talking to me like this because what? You had a scandal or something?” You gave him his chance to talk and boy, he took it.

“Mona told me you know your mom.” His voice was like venom, “So, why the fuck are you here? You have your blood relatives.” He exaggerated the word like it meant anything to you, “Why are you here, disrupting our lives, acting like an innocent orphan girl around actual fucking orphans-”

“I never said I was or acted like an orphan!” You exclaimed incredulously before scoffing, “That’s why you’re mad? Because you never knew your mom and I did? Because I know who my blood family is?” You could laugh at how ridiculous that was, “I know them, so what? Where does that get me?” You looked at him expectantly but he didn’t talk, “I knew my mom, and guess what? She just didn’t fucking want me.” He was silent, but you still couldn’t stop, “I’m sure if your mom could’ve got to know you, she would’ve kept you, because you’re not insufferable to be around, you’re just a fucking asshole.” You wiped at your cheeks furiously, “But me? I had 15 years to prove myself and it still wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t enough. Jungyoon never wanted me either, he got stuck with me and had to cope.” Your voice began to break and you had to take a breath, “I was the insufferable one, so-” You stopped, finally as you regained your sense of reality and watched Jungkook who had an unreadable expression and the realization of the word vomit you spilled out to him hit you like a train as you exhaled quickly, rage in your voice quickly replaced with soft melancholy “I am the insufferable one here, so there.” You shrugged, face a wet mess, “Hope that brings you peace.” Your stomach was churning as you turned on your heel, unable to hold in your sobs. You couldn’t bear the awkwardness of waiting for the elevator so you opted to take the stairs.

You sobbed louder as the door slammed shut behind you, but you didn’t want to linger so you bolted down the stairs, the bile in your stomach signaling that you needed to find the nearest trashcan and quickly. You made it to the ground floor and spilled your guts into the small trashcan. Yelling always made you unbelievably ill, whether it was getting yelled at or yelling, the sickness it made you feel overflowed. The yelling only reminded you of-

You vomited again at the mere thought. You cried harder when you finally finished, breathing becoming staggered as you began to panic.

Fuck, they’re gonna kick you out, and then you’ll be alone again. You lost your temper, people don’t like other people who lose their temper. Why couldn’t you just mind your own fucking business and leave him be? You’re stupid. Why do you think you’ve been alone all your life? It’s because people don’t want to be near you. You’re-

“Insufferable.” You mumbled, numb, even if for only a moment.

Sure, Jungkook provoked you, but you knew better. You didn't go to therapist after therapist throughout your adolescence for nothing. You felt as if you set yourself back eons after that outburst. He didn't need to know all that about you, ever. He probably didn't even care to know, and you said it anyway, like you were gunning for gold in the trauma Olympics. You didn't want to minimize his struggles, you just wanted him to shut up and stop yelling at you. You let your eyes flutter closed as you cried. How can you complain about being alone when you're like this?

You don’t know how long you stayed there, sitting next to a trash can full of your vomit as you wallowed in your self-hatred. The all-consuming loneliness the boisterous house subdued returning with full force. Jungkook was right. You didn’t need to be here. You were only disrupting their routine.

You blew out a sigh as you staggered to the elevator, fully set on going up to your room and crying yourself to sleep after you clean up. You brought the trashcan with you, not having the heart to just leave your puke down there. You thanked your lucky stars when Jungkook was no longer on the second floor as you went to the kitchen and rinsed your mouth before going to take out the trash and take out your burnt oven pizza. Finally, you were headed back up to your floor. You watched the numbers tick by with tired eyes. You glared at the empty trashcan, electing to take it with you instead of making the trip back down to put it back. Surely, they wouldn’t need it for a few hours.

The elevator dinged as you grabbed the black plastic bin and then you were met with Jungkook. Relief flashed across his face before irritation settled on it, “Where the fuck were you?!” He asked hurriedly as you trudged past him, too exhausted to fight. You were running on autopilot the whole way up here, and you couldn’t bear another spat.

“I was on the first floor.” Your voice was low, trying to communicate you were done arguing as you lifted the bin as proof. You then set it down and went to your bathroom and began brushing your teeth.

He scoffed, “You were on the first floor for 30 minutes?” He asked as if he caught you in a lie but you nodded as you rinsed your mouth.

You were down there for thirty minutes? No wonder you felt so tired.

“Yep.” You popped the last letter before correcting yourself, “Well, I spent like 10 minutes cleaning up that bin, so not exactly.”

“Why?” He asked as if you were being ridiculous, as if he wasn’t the one on your floor demanding answers.

“I vomited.” You spoke simply and before he could ask, “Yelling makes me puke.” You were so blase about it he sighed in frustration.

You walked to your room and froze when you saw your memory box strewn about, and it was like a dam broke all over again. You looked at the photos, at the eager little girl looking for love in places she would never find it.

Old habits die hard.

Before you could even stop yourself, you sunk to your knees in garbled sobs and broken cries, “Hey, hey, wait.” Jungkook’s shaky voice did nothing to bring you back to reality as you cried. His hands placed themselves on your shoulder, making you flinch violently, much to his horror.

Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know why you were crying, but he knew it was his fault, at least in part. Even if at this moment it wasn’t, his outburst surely didn’t help. Fuck, he’s so dumb. Fuck, he shouldn’t have talked to Mona just moments before seeing you.

The envy of even seeing your own mother’s face ate up at him and he took it out on you. Not to mention that he made you vomit from the yelling. He suddenly felt more like an arrogant asshole than he did before as his hands now hovered over your form and he took a moment to look at your room.

Scattered on the floor were childhood photos and ribbons from competitions. Things Mona kept in her own house, having a whole wall filled with every one of their achievements. Even Jin had a photo album of their things. And you, you kept all these for yourself. You were the only one who cared enough to save these things and he wondered how much you threw away to maintain space in the small empty box. Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this.

You sighed shakily, “You can just go.” You cried, “You don’t have to be here.” You don’t know what he could possibly gain from watching you cry.

“I know.” His voice was calm, even, “Can I help you up?” He asked and you wanted to look up at him in confusion but you didn't want him to see your tears.

You both had just ripped into each other, and here he was, wanting to help you. Why would he do that? Why would he stay when he doesn't have to? Why would he want to help you up after a fight?

Too tired to even think about questioning him and no longer angry at him, you simply scoffed, “Can you?” You sighed, not having the energy to stroke his ego and stand up without his help.

You never let people bear your dead weight, not wanting the awkwardness if they couldn’t carry you, but right now, you just wanted to lay down.

He snorted lightly, happy to hear anything other than a sob for you, “Don’t worry about me, you just cry and mind your business.” He spoke lightly, and the comment made you fight a smile. Then, he lifted you with so much ease, you figured he was trying to show off as he placed you on the bed. He looked at you after he sat on the floor before his eyes caught onto the gold foil of a 16th birthday card. You were wiping at your face as he read the card against his better judgment.

I know you must be confused, and I can’t help that. I wish I could pretend to be a mom, but I can’t. I can’t be your mom, and I never should have tried. It would be best if we forgot each other. I just can’t keep pretending, and I know you can see it, even if you don’t want to.

I’m so tired.

-Mom

Now, he felt even more like an asshole. He also felt a little bit angry that your mother could just leave you behind without so much as saying sorry. She wrote like she was a teenager and you were her mother. She obviously didn't put much thought into the seemingly last message to her daughter and it made his heartbreak for you, “That was the last I heard of her.” You snapped him from his thoughts and he looked at your puffy face, “She had left months earlier, and then I got that, but she moved before I could try to see her one more time.” There was a distant ache in your words as you looked at Jungkook sitting amongst your memories.

“Is she… still alive?” He asked, not sure why he felt the need to know.

“Not sure, but it doesn’t make much of a difference, I guess.” You blew out a sigh, before looking at your papers and folded posterboards, “I was cleaning out my memory box, and I’m not sure why I do it when I know it just upsets me.” You could still feel tears leaking from your eyes as Jungkook picked up a photo of you on your 14th birthday, posed between Jungyoon and your mom. You had a bright smile on your face and they looked at the camera with a tight expression, “You can really see how much they didn’t want to be there, but that's the happiest they look in all of the photos.”

He wanted to say you were wrong, but he could see it. He could see the happy little girl trying to make up for the unhappy adults around her. He knew he should’ve asked Mona why Jungyoon didn’t try to call or visit or why she was so eager to take you in if you knew your family. He should’ve just known better. Yeah, he understood how it felt to be alone growing up, they all did, but by the time they were all 17 they had a home that wanted them. You were going to graduate from college soon and you still felt unwanted.

No thanks to him.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted and you looked at him with wide eyes, “For being an asshole, I’m sorry- and for making you cry. I just…” He shrugged, “You’re right. I was jealous you knew your mom and I already was suspicious of you and I- I’m dumb, and I’m sorry.” He looked at you, eyes a bit glossy and you wondered when was the last time someone apologized for making you cry.

“It’s okay.” You smiled weakly, “You are dumb, but that’s okay.” You chuckled when he frowned, but eventually, he also broke into a short laugh, “I think… we’ve felt a lot of the same things in different ways, so I can’t blame you.” He wondered how you could be so forgiving, and he was scared of how many times that has gotten you hurt, “I like living here and I like all of you, so I hope I can get you all to like me too, even if just a little.”

“Don’t accept less than you deserve.” He spoke firmly before he started picking up your memory box, putting things neatly back in.

“Wh-”

He waved his hands nonchalantly, “You, sleep, I’ll clean this up and order some food.” He didn’t look at you as he said this, mostly to hide his blush, "If...If you want, I can give this to Jin. He has a whole place he keeps our stuff like this… he's really sentimental." He stumbled, still refusing to look at you.

However, he jumped when he heard you hiccup a cry. Ready to apologize, Jungkook was just about to turn to look at you until he heard you speak, "That… That sounds very sweet of you to do." You wiped a sentimental tear away as the blushing boy remained frozen.

"It's Jin's hobby, not mine." He deflected before waving his hand at you, "Sleep, I said." He frantically demanded.

You could see his ears getting red and you smiled, “Yes, sir.” You mocked in your work voice and made him freeze for a moment as you erupted into giggles while he whined, “Okay, okay, I’ll sleep.”

Eventually, you surrendered to your exhaustion as he delicately put away your papers and photos. He hummed lightly, smiling as he came across your debate team awards. No wonder he lost the fight before it even started. He turned around after lifting the box and sighed almost dreamily as he watched your sleeping face. You were beautiful, delicate, and puffy from the tears. He had the urge to keep apologizing for being such an asshole, but after looking through your achievements and your photos, he resolved to just keep proving it.

He wouldn’t let you get hurt again. Not by him or anyone, especially your mother, even Jungyoon was on thin ice.

His blood boiled at the thought of your mother for a reason he couldn’t understand. His hand extended shakily as he pulled the covers up to your shoulder and you hummed contently, making his heart melt a bit at the little smile you had. He wouldn’t fuck up with you again, not like this. He would be nice, at least a little, and first and foremost, he would order food you liked.

He froze.

Fuck, what food do you like?

He relaxed. Well, he could just ask the guys.

Fuck, they’re gonna ask questions.

Fuck, they’re gonna kill him when they found out he made you cry.

He looked back at your sleeping form, not having the heart to wake you up. He sighed, looks like he’ll just have to bite the bullet. He dreaded each moment as he quickly made an untitled group chat with the guys since you were added to their original one. He could only hope Taehyung wouldn’t change the group chat name to something stupid.

Tip Jar

[spencersawkward]

top shelf//MGG - part 1

summary: broke and having a bad day, Reader runs into Matthew outside a café. after a couple encounters, his financial support and friendship become something more.

word count: 3k

content warnings: swearing but nothing else!

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

A/N: hi! welcome to my new series. i don’t think this will be super long in terms of parts, but i’ll try to update as frequently as possible for you all. this chapter is pretty expositional, so i’m sorry in advance lol. also i know i made it short but lmk if you want them to be longer. also shoutout my sweet sweet angels @reidsconverse and @voidsfilm bc i would literally cry without both of you. also THANK YOU to @dr-spencerr-reidd for this concept bc i probably wouldn't have written it without your ask!! sending hugs :)

you throw your phone down on the passenger seat with a frustrated groan. after everything that's happened today, you're now stuck on a congested street with your car barely inside the parking spot alongside the sidewalk.

your screen sits there beside you, blank and unresponsive, and you know you're going to have to go inside the coffee shop to ask to use their phone and call Triple A. of course it's not working because nothing is working today. you might as well just sit in your car and cry.

but you can't, because you have a huge project for work that you need to get done by next week, and you've already procrastinated enough. a red glow from the headlights of other cars on the street shine through your windows like melted wax, distorted by the rain. it's been pouring all day.

bracing yourself for the onslaught, you grab the old umbrella from the foot well of the passenger seat and open the door of your car. the torrents hit your body like a wall of ice, soaking you as you try to get to the safety of the café. the umbrella helps a little, but then you get to the overhang and have to actually close it before you head inside.

your fingertips slip around the metal, trying to shove the thing closed while water drips off the bridge of your nose. it's frustrating. your footsteps are still determined as they move towards the entrance, but you're distracted by the stubborn nature of the object, so you don't see the man walking out.

it's not even a bodily collision, really. it's so much worse: the sopping material of the umbrella pokes him in the stomach, knocking the hot cup of coffee all over his sweater.

your eyes widen.

"oh my fucking god, I'm so sorry--" you stutter over your words, completely at a loss. his face is twisted up in an expression of concealed pain. it can't feel good to have hot coffee seeping through your clothes after being prodded by a piece of metal. you move your wet hair out of your face in order to look at him full-on.

"it's fine, really." he gives you what's supposed to be a friendly smile, but looks more like a grimace. your stomach twists; he's hot. like, if you saw him at the bar you would stare at him all night kind of hot.

"no, it's not," your face heats up, despite the cold, damp air. "let me buy you another coffee."

"I--" he glances down at his sweater, which is knitted with cute foxes on the front, then back at you. he pauses a moment and you have to bite down on your tongue to keep from collapsing. he's considerably older than you, but he doesn't dress or act that way. maybe late thirties, if you had to guess. "sure. thanks."

a flowering relief in your chest, partly because he doesn't seem angry and partly because you'd like to look at his face just a bit longer. your eyes stay on his until someone walks through the door of the café and reminds you of where you are.

without a word, you brush past and go into the building, him trailing behind.

Matthew watches as you walk ahead, your clothes spattered with rainwater and your hair somewhat messed up, too. he smiles to himself at the way you almost bump into the corner of a table, nervousness evident in nearly every movement.

you head to the counter, setting your hands on the granite while the barista checks out your unkempt appearance.

"hi," you smile at her before realizing you have no idea what this guy wants. you turn around and see him standing slightly behind you, suppressing a smile. he can tell how flustered you are, and now you look like a fool. "what coffee do you drink?"

"can I have a medium Americano, please?" he asks the barista with a friendly smile. he's got straight teeth, dimples... holy shit. you wish he had been unappealing so that this whole situation would be less humiliating.

you pay for his drink before getting out of the way, both of you slowly walking to the pickup counter.

"again, I'm really sorry. that stupid umbrella." you shake the thing at your side, raindrops falling to the floor. you run a hand through your wet hair.

"it's okay. I appreciate you getting me another cup." he flashes that smile again and you remember that his sweater is all stained. before you can think to do anything else, you pluck a handful of napkins from the self-serve station and start to dab at the material.

he looks down at you for a second, surprised by the way you grab his clothes. Matthew feels your hand pressing into his stomach innocently, and he feels himself blush a little. it's only when you pull away that he's able to regain his head.

"it's still bad," you throw away the napkins and re-evaluate the garment. "jesus christ, it's a nice sweater, too."

"hey, it's totally fine. I can just wash it out." he lets out a slight chuckle, and the sound makes your heart flutter. he's got a dad laugh. deep in his chest.

"baking soda and water." you say abruptly. he frowns.

"what?"

"to get the stain out? I use baking soda and water for coffee stains and it usually works." you explain gently, your eyes meeting again. his irises are a brownish hazel color, warm. the laugh lines by them are charming.

"oh," he grins. "do you get coffee stains often?"

you twist your mouth to the side and glance at the windows of the coffee shop. he's teasing you and you'd be remiss if you said you don't want to play along. "more than I'd like to admit."

you can feel him looking at you with that stupidly brilliant smile and it's really setting you off-kilter. someone shouldn't be that attractive; it's not fair. and yet you want desperately to stare, if purely for the sake of aesthetic enjoyment.

"I'm Matthew." he extends his hand, which is decorated with a series of rings. you realize that you don't even know his name.

"Y/N." you shake. his fingers are softer than you expected.

"nice to meet you, Y/N."

"and under such fortuitous circumstances." the corners of your mouth turn up as you relax a little.

he laughs at your words, the delightful ring of it interrupted by a new Americano showing up on the counter. he glances at the to-go cup, then at you, then goes to get his drink. you wish you knew what he was thinking, but he's not displaying anything past friendliness.

"well, um." something like disappointment settles in your stomach as you recognize this will be the last of your interaction. there's no reason for him to stick around, and you need to get back home to work, anyway.

"I'll let you get back to your day." Matthew doesn't seem nervous, just unsure as he grips the coffee in his hand. you open and close your mouth like something impressive enough to keep him here will come out. you know it won't.

and then you remember the state of affairs, the existence of your useless car and the useless phone in the front seat, how you're going to have to call Triple A and then your roommate to come get you.

Matthew realizes that you aren't going to say anything and he gives you one last smile and an awkward wave before turning to go. you watch in silence as he crosses the room to the door. two more seconds until he's out of your life forever. so of course you choose this exact moment to speak.

"wait."

his head jerks suddenly to look at you. this is embarrassing, but you have nothing to lose.

"can I... borrow your phone?"

Matthew tilts his head to the side slightly, frowning as though deeply confused. and you suppose it is a strange thing to ask, especially given that you're a younger person and most people your age carry their phones everywhere. "sure." he walks back over to you, pulling his cell out of his pocket.

"I just--" you fumble with the device while you decide how to phrase it without sounding like a pathetic mess. "my car keeps breaking down and my phone battery is, like, totally fucked, so it just turns off and on constantly and it’s still in my car but it’s raining and I just wanna see if it’s back on so I can call my roommate." you immediately cringe at yourself. the rambling isn’t cute.

he’s not too bothered by your panicking, though, his mouth only forming an O shape. "it’s no problem."

you dial your number, fingers trembling while he waits. he's turned his eyes to the rest of the coffee shop, but it still makes you nervous that he's standing right there. you put the cell to your ear and pray that it rings out.

you’re greeted by the sound of your own voice telling you to leave a message. great. with a frustrated sigh, you hang up and Matthew gives you an inquisitive expression.

“it’s still off,” you explain. “I’m gonna call my roommate.”

he nods and shoves his hands into his pockets while you punch in the other number. for a split second, you peek his way and admire his side profile. he really is something to behold; a model, maybe.

"hello?" good thing Cecilia has no problem answering unknown numbers. you bite your lip.

"hey, it's me."

"Y/N? whose phone are you using?"

"uh, someone I just met--" you frown as you try to find a way to describe him without something as insulting as a random guy. "anyway, my car broke down so I was wondering if you could pick me up."

there's a pause on the other end of the line, like the movement of sheets and the slightly disappointed groan of another person. she probably has her boyfriend over again. "sure, of course. where are you?"

you give her the address and hang up before dialing the car repair company. Matthew gestures to a table off to the side so that you two don't need to stand, and then you sit down across from him. you're so distracted by the person on the other end of the line that you don't even think about it.

Matthew twists his rings on his fingers. he's fidgety and it's sort of cute. you try not to stare at his hands, at the black spot of ink on the outside of his pinky. either he writes a lot or he's an artist. you have to focus on the table in order to keep from blushing.

finally, you finish up with the phone and hand it back to him. "you're a life saver."

"do you want me to wait with you until your friend gets here?" he gestures out the window. your immediate reaction is to say yes. it'll be awkward to sit here alone without your phone, without coffee. but you don't want to keep him any longer than you already have.

"it's okay, I'm sure you have places to be." you smile accommodatingly. he chooses his next words carefully, it seems.

"I don't, really. but I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, too." the way he speaks, offering his company without trying to impose... something about it makes your heart melt a bit. you appreciate his thoughtfulness. it makes you want to know more.

"okay," you nod as you make your decision. "if you wanna stay. it shouldn't be too long."

"great," he settles back into his chair, the light from the café lights above you reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. "why does your car keep breaking down?"

you exhale sharply at the thought. "that's a really good question, because I don't know the answer. it's super old and I'm too broke to afford a new one."

he nods.

Matthew's mind turns to different avenues at this knowledge. he knows you're young and that usually means that there isn't a lot of spare income. and he doesn't know if you have a job. but what he does know is that you've got an energy about you-- a sweet, well-intentioned manner that draws him in. every once in a while throughout the conversation, you throw out certain phrases that hint at a quick-witted intelligence.

you're funny, but not boldly so. and when you two get on the topic of how you ended up rain-soaked, shoving your way into a Los Angeles café, you tell him about your day.

"--and I have this shitty job right now working for one of my old professor's friends, so it's not like I can afford to constantly repair the damages. all my money is going towards my savings so I can pay for grad school, anyway." you sigh. he listens intently to your words, and he never shies away from eye contact. every time he nods along, you practically feel your heart leap.

"what do you do?" he asks.

"I write for a wellness magazine, but I'm sort of a fraud." you joke.

he laughs. "why's that?"

"I don't know, a lot of it is about different yoga methods and meditation, stuff like that-- but I don't do any of that in my daily life." you admit. it should be embarrassing, but you don't feel ashamed of the fact. he seems to find it funny.

"working your way toward a different kind of job, then?"

"I'm hoping for a more editorial role, honestly, but..." you lift your eyes to his. they're bright, he notices; full of a deep-rooted hope. "gotta start somewhere, right?"

"very true." Matthew wants to tell you just how much he understands, about the roles as an actor he's taken and the hours he spent making films in college, just hoping that one day he'd be able to make things on his own, but he doesn't want to scare you away or sound like he's bragging. it's not your fault you don't know who he is.

"sorry," you speak through a silence he doesn't realize he's left between you two. "I've talked your ear off and you don't even really know me. what do you do?"

"oh--" Matthew actually blushes this time. you see the pink creeping up his neck. "I'm an actor."

in the same way they did when you ran into him, your eyes widen. "an actor?"

"yeah," he smiles at the expression on your face. "you know that show, Criminal Minds?"

the name is familiar, but you've never seen an episode. "yeah, of course."

"I'm in that."

you don't know a lot about the program, but you've heard it talked about and you know that it's a popular show. so this guy is an actual actor, not just some LA wannabe. that makes him about five times more intimidating. you feel even more idiotic for not seeing it before.

"oh, shit," the words tumble out. Matthew grins at the bluntness of your reaction, and you scramble to recover. "sorry I didn't know who you are."

"no worries!" he laughs it off. "it's not a big deal."

"do you like it?" you ask. "being famous, I mean."

he shifts in his seat for a second as he makes a face like he doesn't know how to answer. you wonder if there's something deeper to him that you just haven't seen, yet. secret feelings about the subject. "I'm really not very famous, but I love the work."

genuinely humble. you can see it in his face, the sparkle in his eyes. and maybe he's just charming and you're just a girl blinded by his attractiveness, but your gut tells you that he's being real.

this time, you're the one who falls silent. admittedly, you get a little in your head sometimes. and it makes sense, now, the smoothness of his behavior and the sheer beauty of his face. this is a show business city-- of course he's famous.

Matthew's phone rings and he jumps, as if jolted from a dream. your attention moves immediately to the screen and you recognize Cecilia's number. he pushes the device over to you.

"hello?" your voice sounds far away.

"hey, I'm here. where are you?" she says.

"I'm just inside the café."

"oh, okay, I'll park and come in--" you hear the click of a seatbelt and start to panic. she can't see you in here with him.

"no!" you say too loudly. Matthew's head jerks up to frown at you.

"why not?" Cecilia asks, confused.

"no reason," god, you're a bad liar. "I'll come out and we can wait for the Triple A person in your car." you and Matthew make eye contact again. he gives you an understanding smile. your stomach flips.

"sounds good." she hangs up and you grab your umbrella. time to go.

"thanks for letting me use your phone." you stand, not really wanting to say goodbye but also lacking a reason to stay. he remains in his spot, seemingly now settled into this little corner of the café. it sort of suits him, this place. all cozy and slightly strange.

“happy to help.” you notice the tip of his tongue dart out over his bottom lip as if deliberating whether or not to say anything further. but he doesn’t and you feel awkward just standing there by the table.

“I’ll, uh…” you could ask for his number. but that would be weird, right? he doesn’t really seem to have an interest, anyway. “I’ll see you around, then.”

“yeah. it was nice to meet you, Y/N.” he gives one more of those killer smiles and you turn around, almost bumping into a display of coffee beans before correcting yourself and heading back outside.

taglist (lmk if you want to be added or removed!): @la-vie-en-amour1 @reidsconverse @voidsfilm

[ladyvesuvia]

Moniker Origin

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Fem!Gryffindor!Reader

SUMMARY: Befriending a stray dog not only leads to a routine rendezvous every midnight but also the story of how Sirius got one of his many names.

WORDS: 5.5k

WARNING(S): Just fluff but involves cursing, name-calling, nicknames, mentions of celebrities/characters from the 70s, mentions of eating and food. || SECOND PERSON

A/N: can u tell this is kind of an indirect prequel to i’m a dreamer hsjsiw anyway i hope u like it!!! for @meiitanoia my beloved sirius black lovebot <3

[NAVIGATION] [MASTERLIST]

    You woke up with a start. The curtains to your four-poster bed danced gently, as if attempting to put you into a trance. It worked: You watched it, transfixed more than ever until you slowly gained proper consciousness, or at least enough to let you yawn.

    You reached out to push the curtains a bit to find that it was still night-time. You could hear light snores coming from your roommates, but you ignored it in desperate hopes of falling asleep again. You couldn’t; not that you didn’t want to, because you really did. The reason for your tossing and turning at this late hour was most likely because you slept around six p.m., an unideal hour for sleep on a weekday. You’d passed on dinner, and told yourself you’d just take breakfast early in the morning.

    Giving up, you threw out your feet off the bed, feeling the cold surface of the floor. The clock told you it was half past eleven as it kept ticking and ticking and ticking.

    Before you knew it, you were trudging down the deserted halls of Hogwarts, half-melted dark chocolate in one hand and your lightened wand in the other. You bought it from Honeydukes just last weekend on your visit to Hogsmeade. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just wanted to be somewhere else, maybe even do something exciting.

    For cautionary measures, you looked in every direction every time you reached a turn in fear of getting caught by any roaming person of authority. Peeves would probably make a sound that’ll draw Mr. Filch’s attention; Mrs. Norris could appear, and that in itself is bad news already; Mr. Filch himself could catch you and start throwing insane threats; or maybe someone from the faculty could catch you and put you in detention, and you knew full well you did not want to spend time doing an absurd task.

    When you managed to slip out unnoticed, you walked over to the bank of the lake, the rocks crunching under your feet. It was probably one of the things you find in horror movies when all is still, all is sleeping, and the monster is yet to come—

    Your pulse skipped a beat when the sight of something running away from the forest shuffled past. You realized it was just a dog, but it gave you a shock nonetheless. Just a dog, you thought. Just a dog.

    You pulled out the chocolate from your pocket, unwrapping it carelessly. It wasn’t until you took your first bite did you realize the dog was right behind you, watching you with curious eyes.

    “I’d give you some but dogs aren’t allowed to eat chocolate,” you said to the dog, who then whined in response as it sat down. “I really can’t, I’m sorry.”

    One might think a big black dog sneaking up on you in the middle of a night would cause a fright, but it was strangely more comforting than eerie. After all, it was just a dog.

    Just looking at the creature reminded you of Snuffles, your very own dog who died while you were away from home and sitting in History of Magic, unaware your best bud had passed. You looked down hopefully at the dog in front of you.

    “Snuffles?” you inquired hesitantly, reaching out your hand. Please don’t bite, you chanted more to yourself than to the dog. To your relief, it approached you gingerly and let you pet its head. “Is it you?”

    Highly unlikely, you knew that, but it wouldn’t hurt to hope that it was, right? You’d spent your entire childhood with that dog: Sleeping together under a poorly done fort until daybreak; getting lost in the neighborhood together, earning disapproving opinions from the neighbors; and most of all, countless birthdays.

    Well, just to name a few.

    Maybe it was the moonlight reflecting off of the lake’s waters, but you could’ve sworn you saw the dog wink. You took your hand back to rub your eyes before studying the dog. “Are you Hagrid’s?”

    The dog simply sat there, looking at you curiously. “Right, like a dog’s gonna talk back to me.” You chuckled, laughing at yourself. “Come, I’ll bring you back to him.”

    It didn’t move. “Look, I can’t give you chocolate. Maybe I can sneak you some steak or something next time if you’re still here. I’d give you dog food but they don’t have that around here. But I reckon Hagrid has some, though. Do you want me to get you food?”

    Once again, maybe (just maybe) it was only your imagination, but you got the sense that the dog disagreed. You didn’t push it any further and so you simply made yourself comfortable even under the rocks. You set down your cloak under your bottom to serve as a mat. It didn’t do much, but it was better. You gestured for the dog to come closer.

    “I’m gonna call you Snuffles now,” you said as you picked up a stone. “Watch this.” With a swing of your arm, you sent the stone flying into the lake, skipping three times. “I used to be able to do four. You’d know, you were there!”

    Snuffles your dog from years ago indeed was there with you when it happened on your family trip to your lake house, but this was not Snuffles; this was your very own classmate and Housemate, Sirius Black himself. He’d never talked to you before, much less noticed you, so it was a surprise to him that he’s spending his time with you at this late hour.

    Nevertheless, it was a time well-spent even when it was mostly (entirely) just watching you skip rocks down the lake as you talked about the aforementioned Snuffles. He didn’t know how long you two sat there, but sat you did anyway. Twice he thought of a joke to tell only to be disappointed for of course, he couldn’t voice it out.

    “I named her Snuffles because she used to cry a lot when we first brought her home from the shelter and mum didn’t want us to call her Sniffles so I went with the next best thing.” You put your legs in front of you. “Poor little thing.”

    It wasn’t until the sky brightened a bit did you realize you were thirsty from all the talking you were doing. You would've stayed for the sunrise but, well, schedules would tragically overlap.

    “Crap,” you thought as you began picking up your cloak, “I’ll end up dozing off in class! Anyway, I’ll try and bring you steak later, Snuffy.”

    With a wave, you ran away from the lake, cloak in your arms, unaware that you had left your wand behind. Sirius was watching you until you disappeared from sight before he spotted the wand, which he then picked up.

    He de-transformed on his way just a bit by a wall, and as soon as he did, he tucked your wand into his own cloak. He glanced back just for a second before running back to the castle. By the time he got to the painting of the Fat Lady, he halted at the sight of the girl from earlier — you.

    “—you know me already, ma’am. I just forgot the password is all. Please let me in.”

    “No password, no entry,” spat the Fat Lady. “And it does not do to wake up a sleeping person.”

    “Well, you’re just a painting,” you mumbled. And if Sirius could hear it from where he was standing, the Fat Lady probably heard it too.

    “Hmph!” exclaimed the Fat Lady. “Children are foul.”

    “They are, aren’t they?” you chimed in hopes of getting on the Fat Lady’s better graces.

     “I was talking about you, child,” said the Fat Lady with disdain. “Now scoot!”

     You were about to walk away when Sirius decided to walk in. You froze.

    It was only until then did it dawn on Sirius that he did not know your name because you had not told him anything earlier. He turned to the Fat Lady.

    “Spondulicks,” said Sirius. The Fat Lady merely grunted as the painting swung open to reveal the room. “After you, m’lady.”

    It was like he was seeing a different person; you refused to meet his eyes as you hurriedly walked into the opening of the painting, arms crossed. He was almost about to give you your wand but realized what a bad idea that would be, and so he kept his mouth shut.

    You kept walking straight ahead, and Sirius had to stifle his laugh at the sight of you missing a step on the stairs to the girls’ dormitory, especially when your pace quickened after this.

    That morning at breakfast, you were nowhere to be found. Sirius took his seat next to James while skimming the length of the Gryffindor table.

     “What’re you looking for?” asked James, curiously scanning the table as well.

     “This girl with [Y/H/C] hair,” Sirius replied absentmindedly as he slowly settled down, still looking for her.

     “A girl? You’re gonna have to be more specific, mate. But bagsy snogging her.”

    “What — you can’t bagsy her, you haven’t even met her,” spat Sirius. James was rather taken aback but still seemed to be stifling his laugh at the outburst nonetheless. Sirius cleared his throat. “And need I remind you that you’re trying to get Evans?”

    “Mhm, I was just trying to see how interested you were in this girl to be preoccupied with looking for her instead of petting your hair.” More and more people began to file in to the common room and Sirius’s attention went to the door after determining you were not seated in one of the tables.

    “It’s called combing, and you should try it.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. “It would do you good to look fresh at least once.”

    James snickered. “What can I tell you, Pads? The ladies like the rugged look.”

    “I don’t think they do,” remarked Remus.

    “Oh trust me, Remus,” James started with a smug grin. “They do. The key to it is—”

    But Sirius never found out what ‘the key to it’ was; at least, not today. After a group of younger Ravenclaws walked in, he finally spotted you right behind them and his back straightened even more. For what, he did not know.

    You took your seat beside a couple more Gryffindors and helped yourself to food on your own plate. You were busy rubbing her eyes, giving Sirius more time to watch. When you finished, you caught him looking at you, but he didn’t break the eye contact; instead, he smiled.

    “Oh, her?” exclaimed James, trying to get a better look. Sirius gently kicked his foot at how obvious he was, but he nodded in confirmation. James blew a raspberry. “I can’t bagsy, can I?”

    Sirius scowled. “No.”

    “Then I call dibs.”

   “Wha — that’s the same thing! You can’t just call dibs.” Sirius cleared his throat once more, for James was raising a brow to signify he’d proved his point. “You can’t.”

    “Wouldn’t hurt you to go on over and talk to her, would it? After all, you do it all the time.” James stretched out his arms and made gestures of triumph. “Hook, sink, liner.”

    “It’s actually ‘Hook, line, and sinker,’” said Remus.

    “No it’s not. Get a load of this guy,” James joked (or not). “Anyway, come on, I’ll come with you. But I apologize in advance if my hair works better than yours.”

    When they made it over to where you were sitting, you appeared to be manually wiping your plate with a tissue.

    “Excuse me,” started Sirius, gesturing at the plate, “May I?”

    Hesitantly and still not meeting his gaze, you handed him the plate. Sirius pulled out his wand and with a small flick, he said, “Tergeo!”

    When he handed it back, you simply nodded your head in thanks and began to stuff it in your bag.

    “Wait, are you stealing a plate?” James asked with a grin, on the verge of laughing. “You wouldn’t want to do that. See, our friend’s a Prefect and he’ll totally tell Professor Meownerva — pun courtesy of Peter, by the way.” James snickered. “I wish I’d thought of it first be—Ow!”

    Sirius had stepped on James foot. “I’ll take it from here, Bambi.”

    James managed a scowl before leaving the scene. You didn’t know what to do; so in your mind, you started devising ways to get yourself out of that situation: Make a run for it or melt on the spot; neither seemed like a good option.

    “Why are you stealing a plate?” he asked.

    “Er — long story. Have a good day.” Then you stood up and began to walk away, backing up a bit to grab a piece of sandwich before completely storming off.

    When Sirius returned the other three were there, laughing out loud together.

    James leaned closer. “Her name’s [Y/N].”

    “Then why didn’t you tell me?” exclaimed Sirius, annoyed.

    “Hook, sink, liner,” said James confidently.

    Remus cleared his throat again. “Again, it’s ‘Hook, line, and’—”

    “Yeah, sure, whatever,” dismissed James.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

    On your first class (Transfiguration), the two of you clearly could not at all suppress your yawns: Sirius was doing fairly better compared to you, for he had the decency to not let his head plop face down on his desk, but he was sleepy nonetheless. This was no surprise to Sirius. After all, he hadn’t slept that morning. As for you, he did not know whether or not you slept but according to your peaceful and sleeping face, he kind of had a clue.

    He wasn’t listening, and so when everyone brought out their wands, he just cluelessly followed the others. Professor McGonagall approached the middle row and stopped just right next to you.

    “Miss [Y/L/N]?” started McGonagall. “If I’m not mistaken, bedtime ended hours ago.”

     You merely grunted. McGonagall cleared her throat. “Excuse me, Miss [Y/L/N]?”

    The professor put the back of her palm against your forehead. She lifted your face off the table and her eyes widened. “Heavens! Child, you look positively ghastly. Remus, kindly take—”

    “I’ll do it,” said Sirius. “I’m her. . .” As he trailed off, all eyes went back and forth from you, McGonagall, and him. He opened his mouth again to add, “friend. We’re friends.”

    Although McGonagall appeared to be reluctant, she let you go, advising you to visit Madam Pomfrey. Sirius risked a smug look in James’s way before following you out the door, eager to speak with you.

    “So you’re feeling unwell?” asked Sirius.

    “Look, buddy, I appreciate it but I honestly just want to go to bed.”

    “Didn’t Minnie McG tell you to visit Madam Pomfrey?”

    You halted. “I’m not sick.”

    “What do you mean? What about the drowsy eyes and the head hurting and the red nose—?”

    “Okay, now you’re making my head hurt.” You faced him, hands on your hips in defiance. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, Black: I’ll go back to my room and you’ll take a walk to the Hospital Wing and back to class.”

    “But you’re sick.”

    “Buddy, I’m really not,” you said with an irritated laugh. “I haven’t slept yet and I lost my wand. How do you think I’ll be able to go to class without a damn wand?”

    Sirius scoffed. “Then what about your runny red nose and teary eyes?”

    “Really? Are purebloods really that dense not to come up with basic ways to get out of class?” It was almost ironic. After all, you’d heard tons of brilliant things pureblooded wizards could do. Clearly they weren’t as crafty. You snorted. “Do you really want to know?”

    “Do I? Of course I do.”

    And with a bit of consideration, you recounted your gimmicks: collecting two chili peppers from the table and lightly patting your finger under your eyes to make it teary (it badly hurt), pinching your nose as soon as you left the Great Hall and sprinkling a bit of pepper on your sleeve to get yourself to sneeze, taking a quick hot shower without getting your hair wet, and more.

    “Wow,” he exclaimed under his breath, astonished. You shrugged in response, turning around to walk away. “Wait, then why did you agree for me to take you instead of Remus?”

    “Eh, well, your friend who’s trying so hard to be Michael Landon said that the Remus guy was a Prefect so I figured that he’s probably a snitch.”

    “Trust me, he’s not a snitch,” Sirius said with a laugh. “Wait, I don’t even know who Michael Landon is but could you say that thing again but to James’s face tomorrow morning at breakfast?”

    “No.” You turned your back on him, walking away. “May we never talk again.”

    “You’re welcome, by the way!” He watched as you made a turn, disappearing from view before making a face. “Ungrateful chick.”

    That entire day, you spent your time in bed, tossing and turning to keep yourself awake. Whenever someone came in during vacant time, you made sure the curtains to your four-poster bed were sealed shut while pretending to sniffle.

    It was Friday, so you were thankful for the time to rest. You were thinking of just looking for your wand tomorrow when you remembered the dog. You shifted in your bed as you slowly stood up, peeking through the curtains of your bed. Your roommates were probably still in the common room, so you peeked your head out to grab your bag from beside your bed and pulled it in before shutting the curtains close.

    You pulled out the plate you got from earlier that morning and waited.

    Waited for your roommates to come in and chat for a while.

    Waited until the lights went out.

    Waited until the only sound you could hear was the ticking of the clock in the room.

    You were about to fall asleep when what you could only assume was a bird hit itself against the window, jolting you awake.

    It was dead silent. And just like you did hours ago, you threw your feet out of your bed. Going out at this hour without a wand felt threatening, but you reassured yourself, just thinking over and over that it would be just like old times back when you didn’t know you were a witch.

    There was no one in the common room by the time you got down there. You tightened your grip on the plate in your hands, thinking about how good a weapon it would make (it probably wasn’t, but it was good enough to make you feel like you had a chance).

    You slipped out, unaware once more of the same boy you had talked to the night before following you.

    The walk down the halls and stairs without a light made your tour all the more frightening: Jumping when you accidentally graze your hand too much on one of the paintings which often earned an angry grunt from them, feeling for the next step of the stairs in fear of tripping over, and so on.

    Sirius resisted the urge to just approach you and give you your wand, resorting to just staying behind to make sure you got out safely. He was about to keep going straight ahead when you made a turn, confusing him.

    It took a few more turns for him to realize you were headed for the kitchens. He had to wait outside until you came back out a short while later with something in the plate.

    Laughing silently to himself, he followed you again to the grounds, your wand in his cloak pocket, feeling like a hundred pounds weighing him down.

    You went back to where you were last night, scouring the rocks in hopes of spotting a distinct shape among the round shapes. You cursed under your breath in disappointment as you set the plate of steak aside, your eyes falling to the dark surface of the lake. Gulping, you tied up the pant legs of your pajamas, mumbling inaudible words to yourself at what you were about to do.

    Only your feet were in the water when you heard a loud bark, causing you to jump a bit, toppling backward at the sight of the black dog. You felt the water soak your back and a bit of your head.

    “Snuffles?” you asked the dog whilst shaking yourself dry as you stood up. “There’s steak over there. It’s for you.”

    If it weren’t for his physical state, Sirius would be laughing right now. The least he could do was walk your way, sitting right beside the plate of the steak.

    “I know it’s not as good as I promised but it’s the best I could give, I’m sorry,” you said to the dog as it looked at you curiously. You bent down to pick up your cloak, drying yourself and wrapping it around you. With a huff, you squeezed the water out of your hair and sat down on the rocks once again. “I only came down here to look for my wand. It probably rolled down to the bottom of the lake already.”

    You yawned. The lack of sleep was already taking a toll on you and you couldn’t let the sun rise before you could lie down in bed.

    “Do you not like the steak?” you asked again. “You know, I got that plate for you.”

   The dog’s ears perked up, and you reached out to pet it.

    “Thank Merlin I got away from that fruitcake.”

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

    “I’m a fruitcake,” Sirius told his friends that morning as they fell in line for their Hogsmeade trip. James looked at his friend as if he had gone mad (well, one can say he’s halfway there). “Out of all the things I could be, I’m a fruitcake.”

    “Took you long enough to figure that out,” said Peter, who then brightened when James burst into a laugh.

    “You sure?” said Remus, adjusting his tie. “If you are, then you’re far too salty to be one.”

    “Guys, I’m ser—” He cut himself off, aware that they were waiting for an opening to pick fun at his name. “I am not joking.”

    “Because you’re. . .?” James said, encouraging him.

    Sirius let out an exasperated sigh. “Serious.”

    And just like that, the entire group howled in laughter. Rolling his eyes, Sirius scanned the crowd again, but it was the same thing as yesterday — you were once again nowhere to be found.

    “Wait, where did you get this fruitcake comment from?” asked Remus.

    Sirius recounted your past encounters with him, earning a whoop of cheer and a pat from James.

    “I have a plan,” said Sirius. “I’ll just so happen to ‘run into’ her in Hogsmeade and she’ll think I’m charming because I did my hair better today.”

    “I don't know, I reckon it’ll be hard to jump from fruitcake puppy to charming knight and shining armor,” said Remus.

    It wasn't until they were near the front of the line did Sirius realize there was still no sign of you. He then stepped out of the line, earning sudden protests from the rest of the group.

    He made a show of waving at the other three as he disappeared from view before darting down the halls and up the stairs until he made it to the common room, where he plopped down on the couch. A couple of first and second years were gathered by the window playing chess.

    Sirius kept his head down as he waited for you to come out until finally, about almost ten minutes later, heavy steps came from the girls’ dormitory as it descended down the stairs. Sirius kept his face down so as to hide himself for you, cursing at himself for being too. . .what’s a nicer way to put creepy again?

    He followed you again like the night before, going over the things he wanted to say.

    Hello, I’m actually Snuffles.

    I’m Snuffles.

    Hi, I’m not really a reincarnation of your dog because I’m actually a fruitcake!

    It just kept getting worse in his head the more that he dwelled on it, and so he resorted to just focusing on his step when you halted, causing him to run into you.

    “You,” you started, stopping with your finger pointed right at him, daring him to speak, “why are you following me?”

    “Because. . .” Sirius trailed off. Why was he following you?

    Because I'm Snuffles and I have your wand. Because I can turn into a dog. Because while I am Snuffles, I'm also not really Snuffles. Because—

    “Because I found your wand,” he blurted out. “Well, consider it as a token of appreciation.”

    “For what?”

    “For being a good friend. . . ?”

    “As far as I know, the first and only time we ever even talked was just yesterday,” you said, gesturing with your hands. “What’s your deal?”

    “I want to take a walk,” Sirius relaxed, grinning at you.

    “Then do it yourself!” you exclaimed.

    “With you, I mean.”

    Sirius’s tone calmed you down at least a bit, and so you cleared your throat. Come to think of it, he’s probably not that bad.

    You began to walk with him on your way out to the grounds. “And what do I get out of this walking thing of yours?”

    Sirius waved his hand with a flourish as we jogged ahead to stop right in front of you, tipping an imaginary hat. “Bragging rights, madam.”

    You halted. “You’re gonna have to try better than that, Vinnie Barbarino.”

    “Er — that’s good, right?” he asked, tensing up again as he composed himself.

    “Depends on how you look at it.”

    “Well, does he have nice hair?”

    “Again, depends on how you look at it.”

    “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

    “You and me both, Vinnie,” you told him with a huff as you two set foot outside.

    “It’s certainly better than fruitcake,” he muttered under his breath. You leaned in closer, your brow raised in question. He shook his head and told you it was nothing.

    By the time you made it to the bank of the lake, you found yourself unconsciously searching the rocks for your wand.

    Sirius snorted. “You can keep looking but it’s not there.”

    “Wasn’t trying to.”

    He watched as you bent down to pick up a rock and moved closer to the lake. Just like you did a few nights ago, you swung your arm to skip a rock. It was kind of like a movie for him; the way your shoulders sunk a bit after getting only three skips. “I used to be able to do four.”

    I’d know, Sirius thought as he grinned at the irony. I was there. Maybe I really am Snuffles.

    “So, when are you going to give me my wand?” You turned around to face him again, dusting your hands as you did so.

    Sirius wanted to tell you about his alter-ego badly. But at the same time, it was right there and then Sirius realized something. He normally hated the idea of a routine; loathed it, even. But he figured that maybe, just this once, he could make an exception. He didn’t mind going out every single night as Padfoot or Snuffles if it meant the world to you to have something to look forward to. In fact, the line was starting to blur between all his names: Sirius Black, Onion, Padfoot, Snuffles, Fruitcake.

    Sirius cleared his throat and told you, “Monday morning when you have breakfast with me.”

    “I’m not gonna have breakfast with you.”

    “You are now because you’ll get a coupon.”

    “What coupon?” you asked, crossing your arms.

    “Bragging rights for spending time with me — Sirius Orion Black.”

    “You’re awfully presumptuous.”

    “Why are you so mean?” Sirius feigned pain by clutching his chest, making a show.

    You bit your cheek in attempt not to laugh. “Look, just give me back my wand.”

    “Give me your word that you’ll have breakfast with me first.”

    “Fine,” you told him. “Now will you give me my wand back?”

    Sirius let out a long sigh before taking a step forward and bending down to pick up a rock. He swung his arm backward as he made a shot.

    One, two, three, four.

    He faced you. “Hook, sink, liner.”

    “It’s ‘hook, line, and sinker,’ how could you mess that up?”

    “Damn it, James,” he cursed under his breath. “Anyway, here’s your wand.”

    This definitely took you by surprise, especially when he pulled it out of his coat pocket and handed it to you with only a friendly smile and without any hesitation.

    You grabbed it as fast as you could just in case he changed his mind at the last minute.

    Sirius fought the urge to pick fun at the fact that this was close to what one may call fetch.

    Wow, he thought. Merlin, I’m literally Snuffles. Sirius could hear his friends’ jeers light years away: Playing fetch with her, Snuffy? Will you also let her walk you? Oh, wait, you already did!

    “Thank you,” you told him. “I was literally prepared to dive down there just to get my wand. I know what a big hassle it is to get it replaced and everything.”

    “I know,” he said, pertaining to how he knew the lengths you were ready to go to just so you could find your wand, but you took what he said an answer to what you said last.

    Sirius began walking again, and you followed. “Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade with the others?”

    “Eh, I’ve been there a lot of times. We’ll go there next time. I’ll take you to—”

    You halted. “Woah, woah, who said I’ll be coming with you?”

    “Time,” Sirius protested. “It tells you things even you wouldn’t be able to know.”

    You scoffed as you kept walking alongside him. “Eh, well, we got Professor Trelawney for that. What do you say we visit her classroom and play with balls? I mean, orbs. No, stop laughing.”

    But he didn’t stop. And honestly, neither did you; not even when you completed a turn around the grounds.

    That night was a brilliant one: You were headed back downstairs, this time keeping your wand tight in your hand as you did so.

    Just like as far as always can go, Snuffles sat by the lake, looking at the ripples that danced along its surface. Why did the dog suddenly look familiar?

    You stood right next to Snuffles, who was now looking up at you curiously.

    “I can’t stay for long,” you told the dog. “I have to sleep early, you know. I mean, you don’t, but — whatever.”

    You bent down to pick up a rock again, watching it skip three times. You cursed under your breath, “How’d he do it?”

    Snuffles, originally Sirius himself, snorted. You turned to the dog and shook your head, telling yourself it was your want of sleep playing tricks on you.

    “Fruitcake’s actually not that bad,” you started as you picked up another rock. Sirius looked up again. “I think I’ll give him a chance.”

    When you finally gave up on skipping rocks, you sat down right next to the dog. “He kinda left a ring of his, see?” You showed the dog Sirius’s ring. The dog blinked. “I’m not planning on keeping it, I’ll give it back to him on a good day.”

    A bird flew by, causing you to jump a bit. “Yep, I’m gonna need to sleep this out. Go to Hagrid’s will you? Actually, no, come with me.”

    You lead the dog to Hagrid’s hut and told it to stay there. Sirius thought it was funny seeing you boss him around in a gentler manner.

    With a wave, you ran back to the doors and dashed up the stairs until you reached the dormitories, where you hastily got in your bed and tucked yourself in.

    When breakfast came and you casually sat down right across from Sirius and beside James, a thought came to Sirius’s head again: He wanted you to know him as Sirius Black, no disguises involved. Sure, maybe he’d learn more of you if he continued doing it but . . . he wanted you to learn more of himself, too.

    As for telling you his secret identity (not Batman), he decided that it’d be best to let his future self deal with it and just enjoy breakfast with you, which is hopefully just the first of many.

    One last thing, though: Snuffles grew on Sirius. Safe to say that he got attached; so much that even when time told new people new fates, he found a way to let the name stay by using it as a safe codename as an attempt to become a lovable stray in the time of danger.

    But that doesn’t matter just yet, not when the group was busy having one of the most brilliant Mondays to date.

Taglist: @gingerale2017 @sfdlm @maybanksslut @hey-there-angels @elevatorsdoor @mrzweasley @gwlvr @1-800-itsfreerealestate @marrymetheonott @booksarealwaysbettersworlds-blog @sexysirius @turn-to-page-394-please @greenlyblue @henqtic @badass-yn @meiitanoia @gaycatlord-stuff @just2bubbly @awakendevildays @dracomalfoyposts @crazy-beautiful @adoreyou976 @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

[hawks-supremacy]

Fairytale Soulmates

summary: you gave up on the idea of soulmate's being real when your parents split up, but the cherry blossom on your wrist says otherwise.

pairings: ushijima x reader

warnings: fighting, yelling, hints at abuse, a little angst, mostly fluff

word count: 2k

a/n: i'm thinking about doing a soulmate series, i just love the idea of soulmates. i also like reading soulmate au's.

You never enjoyed the idea of soulmates, to you it was a fairytale you heard the other kids tell during lunch break. Hearing them retell the stories their parents told about how everyone has a person that was made for them. How people were originally created with four arms and legs and two heads and faces, but fearing their power Zeus split them in half. Now people spend their whole lives looking for their other half. The person that finishes the other half of your soulmate mark. You didn’t believe the stories. Even as your half of a cherry blossom stares up at you from your wrist, you couldn’t bring yourself to believe in soulmates, and why should you?

Why should you believe in soulmates when your parents were miserable together. Constantly fighting and yelling, often ending the night in tears. If soulmates were real then why were you the result of two people who didn't love each other unconditionally like soulmates were supposed to. Why were your parents so unhappy just because they weren’t soulmates? If you couldn’t find your soulmate were you destined to be unhappy? All of your questions went unanswered as your parents avoided the topic.

You weren’t always like this, and neither were your parents. You used to be happy, a complete family who never fought and loved each other despite the flaws. Sure you noticed how your father had half a sun and your mother had half of a water lily, but they didn’t seem to care and you didn’t ask. They always laughed at each other's terrible jokes and cared for one another. You used to enjoy the stories of soulmates, listening as kids tell the stories of how their parents met. The stories of soulmates searching the other side of the world to find their other half.

Then one day your parents started fighting and the illusion of happiness ended. You weren’t sure what happened, but one day you came home from school and they were yelling. Maybe they’ve always yelled and screamed until their faces turned blue and they faked being happy for your sake. All it took was one day for all you believed in to fall apart.

You came home early from school on a half day, you were excited to go home and spend all day with your parents. You didn’t stay excited for long, walking through the doors you heard screaming coming from the kitchen along with glass shattering. Hesitantly you made your way to the entrance and poked your head around the corner to see what was happening. Seeing you home your mom wiped the tears from her eyes and greeted you as your dad walked past you and to their shared bedroom.

After that it seemed like the veil fell, the thin sheet protecting you from the real relationship your parents held disappeared. They stopped pretending to be happy, no longer laughing at dumb jokes instead rolling their eyes. You stopped eating dinner as a family, your dad eating before he comes home and walking straight to his home office. They tried not to fight in front of you, waiting until you go to bed to start their dispute, but they were never quiet. They kept you up at night with the shouting that reached your bedroom door, knocking like a reminder your family is no longer really together.

You sat at the top of the stairs listening as your dad left your mom because he found his soulmate. Listening to the rolling of his suitcase across the wooden floor as he walked out the door. Listening as your mom broke down sobbing as the door slammed shut. Listening to his car driving off as silent tears rolled down your face choking back sobs that you couldn’t let out. You never brought it up to your mom, a silent agreement the next day as you both had puffy faces from crying the previous night.

Now you were starting your first year at Shiratorizawa and your best friend Tendō refused to let you be pessimistic. He dragged you to the gym to sign up for the volleyball team manager. His logic being you can’t be pessimistic if he doesn’t let you, and if you’re constantly around Tendō it's the less time you can be a “debbie downer” in his words.

Tendō and you became friends in middle school when you ran into each other turning the corner. He quickly befriended you after learning about your pessimistic view on life claiming he was gonna turn it around so you’d be happy again. You rolled your eyes at his explanation for wanting to be your friend but let him anyway. Since then you’ve been inseparable, always with one another. Tendō was the best thing that could’ve happened to you.

So here you were meeting the volleyball team as Tendō all but skipped to the gym for the first practice. “This is gonna be so fun Y/n, we’ll get to hang out all the time. Now you’ll have no opportunity to go back to your dorm room and think about how much life sucks. Which it doesn’t by the way.” He said as you went to say something about him finally agreeing about your life sucking. “I know you’ve had some hard times but believe me, it’s not always gonna be that way. You’ll meet your soulmate and learn that happiness does exist for you.”

You shook your head at his blind optimism, you knew he wasn’t always like this. That he had his dark moments too and you were right there to pull him out of his dark space like he was you. “‘Tori, we both know I’m better now. I’m not 100% all the time but that’s fine. I appreciate you doing this though.”

He nodded, slowing his pace down so you could catch up to him. “I know you are, but you’re still on the fence about soulmates and I’m determined to help you find yours so you know they’re out there.” You sighed as you walked into the gym having been through this conversation hundreds of times with Tendō before. He’d keep having this conversation with you until you realize it yourself. Just because your parents didn’t work out doesn’t mean that soulmates aren’t worth it.

Tendō soon realized after that maybe you were right. Maybe your soulmate wasn’t worth it, maybe you would be better off just living with Tendō forever like you discussed in middle school. Maybe you were right because Tendō soon found out that your soulmate was Ushijima Wakatoshi. Tendō wasn’t sure if you noticed that Ushijima held the other half to your soulmate mark or not. If you had, you didn’t say anything.

Tendō spent the better half of middle school trying to convince you that your soulmate would be the best thing that happened to you. Then he spent the better half of first and second year listening to Ushijima say he didn’t believe in soulmates either, that his home situation was much like yours. His parents weren’t soulmates and ended up getting a divorce leaving him with his mom. He realized the universe was playing a cruel joke on the both of you. Making you both believe that the other doesn’t exist and if you do it’s some kind of fluke.

It was the start of your third year and you were moving back into the dorms after having a break for the summer. “‘Tori, why are you insisting I hang out with Ushijima so badly? He’s been your roommate for two years now and suddenly you want me to hang out with him? It doesn’t make sense.” Tendō had been trying to convince you to hang out with Ushijima because he couldn’t take not telling you anymore. It was eating him alive that your soulmate was right there and nothing was happening. It was your last year before you possibly never saw Ushijima again and Tendō would never be able to live with himself if he didn’t tell you. “I wanted to tell you, believe me I did.”

“Satori, what did you do?” You said, narrowing your eyes at him. “Ushiwaka is your soulmate. I was going to tell you but it turns out you have the same outlook on soulmates. So I thought maybe it was best if you guys never met, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” Tendō said, speaking fast and pacing back and forth.

You sat on your bed rubbing your temples. “Are you mad at me?” Tendō asked quietly. You sighed and looked up, resting your elbows on your knees, “No ‘Tori, I Could never be mad at you. I wish you told me sooner, but I’m not mad at you. I’ll hang out with Ushijima but there’s no guarantee that it’ll work out, especially not if you say he has the same outlook as me.” You talked for a few more minutes before Tendō led you to his shared dorm with Ushijima.

Tendō walked in, “Ushiwaka! I have a gift for you!” He said before gesturing widely towards the door as you walked in. “My surprise is Y/n?” Ushijima said, confused. “Yes! Y/n here is your soulmate! Your other half! Now talk!” Tendō said excitedly before walking out and shutting the door behind him, leaving you two alone.

You glanced down at Ushijima’s wrist and saw the matching half to your cherry blossom match. You showed him yours as you sat down on the chair by his and Tendō’s shared desk, “‘Tori tells me that you have the same views as me when it comes to the whole soulmate situation. Don’t particularly believe in them, but ‘Tori’s been trying to convince me otherwise for about four years. I guess I don’t really know where you stand with all of this.” By the time you were done speaking you noticed that his eyes never once stopped looking at you.

“My parents divorced, yes, but they weren’t soulmates. Perhaps it’ll be different with us since we’re actually soulmates.” He said moving closer towards you. “You want to try the soulmate thing? You’re sure?” You asked sheepishly. You spent nearly your whole life swearing up and down that you didn’t believe in soulmates and now that you’ve found yours, you don’t know if you still believe that. “Yes I want to try, but I do get busy with volleyball so I might not have much time for us.” He said and you nodded. You knew that, you’ve been friends with Tendō long enough to know volleyball takes up a lot of time. You’ve also been the volleyball’s team manager long enough to know how passionate Ushijima is about volleyball. You knew you couldn’t ask him to put you first.

“And that’s how I single handedly got Ushiwaka and Y/n together. So you can thank me for this lovely wedding we’re all attending.” Tendō said after telling the story of how you and Toshi met. You rolled your eyes and you jokingly mouthed ‘thank you’ to Tendō. You turned to your now husband who had his hand on your knee while he was laughing at Tendō’s story and smiled. He turned his head and smiled back before giving you a peck on the lips, “I’m glad I met you Y/n.” He said lovingly. “Me too Toshi, me too.”

[mrkcore]

𝐄𝐏 𝟏: 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓 - 𝐥.𝐡𝐜

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lee donghyuck x fem!reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: college!au (cs - computer science major haechan, psychology major y/n)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, slight angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): suggestive innuendo(s), infidelity, drinking

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k

𝐚/𝐧: the first chapter of the and they were roommates! series :D send in an ask or comment here to be added to the taglist! (sorry for the delay, i have been really unproductive so uh, yeah)

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

you’ve been stuck with haechan for about a month. you’ve successfully avoided him for the majority of the time, he’s still a bit flirty, but he’s been pretty quiet too.

except for when he streams. did he mention that he was a streamer? unfortunately no, you had to find out the hard way.

“haechan, can you fucking tone it down?” you storm into his room after enduring half an hour of his screaming on a thursday night. “i have an essay due tomorrow and it’s 30 percent of my mar-”

you see a professional looking mic, webcam, and another monitor with what seems like comments flowing in constantly on the screen.

“oh…” you trail off taking in all the equipment in front of you as haechan looks up at you.

“oh hey, sorry about that, jeno and renjun were being noobs and i needed to teach them a lesson, chat knows. i’ll keep it down, sorry.” he turns back to his game in front of him, completely unbothered.

“yeah.. uh sorry for barging in, thanks.” you say quickly and dash out his room, hearing the other voices from his headset laugh.

your face is hot, and you feel so embarrassed. 

anyways, lesson learned.

a few days later, you were complaining to your friend about haechan on a zoom call–as usual.

this time, however, she needed to spill the tea about her thoughts.

“ma’am, what is this tension,” she jokes. “i can feel it from miles away.”

“hey!” you snap back. “need i remind you that i have a boyfriend? and haechan? ew no, he gets on my nerves too much for that.”

“oh right, your boyfriend.” she rolls her eyes.  “i think you need to visit him, you’re so uptight all the time, i’m gonna get wrinkles if you keep complaining to me about shit.”

“oh right, restrictions have been slightly lifted, i can probably go visit him.” you remember reading about it in the news.

“yep, go.” your friend sips on her iced coffee and you laugh.

the next day, you go through with your plan to go visit your boyfriend.

all prepped and ready and you were going to walk out the door before you hear haechan coming out his room.

“oh, good morning, i’ll be out for a bit, maybe the whole day.” you say to him.

“good morning.” he yawns. “look at you all dolled up and pretty, where you going?” he smirks as you roll your eyes.

“visiting my boyfriend,” you scowl out. “now if you’ll excuse me, i better get going.”

“oh great, hope you enjoy your time with him.” he smiles and you think he’s going to be nice for once. “don’t forget protection.”

you groan. of course he had to ruin it.

“thanks haechan.” you yell behind you as you walk out the door.

it takes around 1 hour to drive to your boyfriend’s university, and an additional 10 minutes to his apartment, and you’re giddy the whole time. 

you’ve missed human interaction. 

and no, lee haechan does not count. 

you’ve missed the warmth and fuzzy feeling of an embrace, of having someone’s arms around you, protecting you from the outside world. 

you couldn’t wait to get cuddles.

hopefully your boyfriend likes this surprise.

gleefully walking into the building, pressing in the password to his apartment complex. completely missing the creaking coming from his room, but as you entered, you hear the voice of another person, who was definitely not your boyfriend.

you stomp right up to the door, and push it open.

there’s two people in the bed, and your eyes glower at your boyfriend.

“what?” the girl screams, scrambling to cover herself.

“babe?” your boyfriend is frozen on the spot as the girl looks at him as if he just said the most bizarre thing ever.

“babe?” she seems angry now. “you said you were single? what the fuck?”

“yeah, i think he lied to you.” you say coldly. “do you have anything to confess, ‘babe’?”

“you’re a douche, what the fuck.” she gets up and gets dressed. “i’m so sorry, he told me he was available, i would literally never agree to sleep with anyone who’s taken.”

“yeah, it’s okay.” you say, kind of relieved, and the two stare are you like you’re an alien. “at least now i know what type of person i was dating.”

and you turn to walk out.

“wait, babe please.” your ex tries to run after you. “y/n, let me explain.”

“no need to, we’re over.” you turn to say. “you need a ride?” you ask the girl.

“yeah sure.” she says. “don’t call me.”  

“babe please, can we talk this out?”

you couldn’t believe it. you drove 1 hour to see him and he has the audacity to pull this shit and expect you to just easily forgive? nope, lesson learned.

pfft, and he said long distance would work. 

“no we can’t, now if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere else to be.” you grab the girls arm and walk out the door, slamming it in front of your ex’s face before he can catch up.

“do you have any plans for the rest of today?” you ask the girl after entering your car. she shakes her head while you smile. “great, any bar or night club recommendations you have?”

“uhh, bar then nightclub?” she suggests. 

“i like the way you think.” you giggle. “i’m y/n btw.”

“yina.” she smiles back at you as you pull out of the parking lot. 

a few hours later, and way too many drinks in, you’re at a table with yina, spilling your deepest secrets about your relationship with your ex.

“can you believe he made me wash his socks?” you take a sip before continuing. “and with my hands too!”

“what? that’s disgusting!” she listens to you rant in disbelief.

“yeah, he said that his socks were precious and the washing machine was too harsh on the cotton or some crap.” you snicker as you recall the other stupid stuff he told you. “ah the shit i did for love.”

“men are trash,” yina says. “cheers to that.” and you both down the rest of what’s left of your drink.

fast forward another 2 hours, you’re wasted. absolutely wasted. 

yina held you back a little bit, but its no use. you needed this.

“y/n, it’s like 11 pm, you’re drunk, i’m barely sober, i think we should call someone to come and get us.” yina tries to reason with you while you shake your head.

finally after 10 minutes of bickering, you finally agree.

“here’s my phone, you can call anyone.” you rest your head on your folded hands after handing her your unlocked phone. “anyone but haechan.” you start to doze off. “anyone but haechan…”

“hbbhng” you jolt up, feeling the warmth of your own bed. 

how did you get back home?

groaning, you feel your headache. you feel the vomit coming up your throat as you gag.

you almost fall trying to get out of your covers.

“woah there, be careful.” haechan is suddenly barging into your room, holding onto you so you don’t fall on your face, guiding you to your bathroom.

you’re too nauseous to wonder why he’s even helping you or even bother screaming at him like usual.

he pats your back soothingly as you vomit into the toilet.

“there you go, that’s it. i’ve got you.” he reassures you.

“what are you even doing helping me?” you’ve washed up and downed some water, you’re 100% sober now.

“wow,” haechan chuckles, rolling his eyes. “after saving your ass last night, this is the thank you i get?”

“what do you mean you saved me?” you’re genuinely confused by what he means.

“this yina girl called me from your phone, telling me that you’re blacked out drunk in a nightclub at 11:32 PM, on a saturday. asking me to come and get you.” he says, matter-of-factly. “i call a cab, get to the nightclub, haul your ass out the club, drive yina back home, and then us. where during our commute back, you wake up, start crying, and when we get home, you’re bawling about how your boyfriend cheated and you were a dumbass for thinking he would change. remember now?”

you’re in shock.

yina called haechan? you remember clearly that you told her not to, this is so embarrassing. you even cried about your ex to him? oh dear lord you wanted to crawl back into your room into a deep pit and never come out. 

haechan must’ve noticed your distressed expression because his face turns softer.

“hey hey hey, sorry, that was a bit mean. you just got out of a relationship, that was really inappropriate of me and i do not blame you for wanting to relax a bit.” he tries to comfort you once again. you’re in even more shock by his words. “honestly, me driving you back home, and taking care of you was the least i could do. it would have been so mean if i just left you guys there.”

you wanted to burst out into tears. 

this is the nicest thing you’ve heard in about 6 months.

unfortunately, haechan doesn’t know that.

“oh gosh, jheez, i’m not helping aren’t i.” he’s panicked by your emotional state. “uhm, to make it up to you, i’ll watch one of those scary movies with you?”

your tears instantly are sucked back into your eyes in excitement.

“really?” you ask, just making sure.

“yep, ahaha.” he laughs nervously, but happy to see your mood lighten up.

“you free tonight?” bouncing up and down practically.

“yeah…” haechan is a bit scared. “aren’t you going a bit too fast though, princess? you jut got out of a relationship.”

you gasp and slap him in the arm.

“okay okay! that was a joke. yeah i’m free, i have an essay due, but i’ll be done by 6.” haechan says.

“sounds good!” you b-line for the kitchen, your stomach is completely empty. “see you then haechan!”

oh how haechan regrets his offer.

6 o’clock rolls by, and you choose “the shining” to watch with haechan. anticipating the terror it would bring him. 

and you were right.

every jumpscare, even the smallest sounds, haechan would screech in fright. the last straw for him was the knock on your door.

“AHHHH!” he screams, almost knocking the popcorn out of your hands.

“calm down, dude.” you say, standing up to open the door.

to the unfortunate sight of your ex.

“y/n?” he says, softly.

“what are you doing here? how did you find out where i lived?” you were very sure you never gave him your dorm address.

“your friend gave it to me,” the eye bags he has are very evident. “listen, can we talk?”

“no?” haechan suddenly butts into the conversation. “you literally cheated on her, she doesn’t owe you anything.”

“who are you? her rebound?” your ex frowns. 

“her roommate, and if you even bothered to keep up with y/n, you’d know.” haechan returns the frown.

“it’s between me and y/n, you have no business telling us what to do.” your ex is getting more aggressive now.

“that’s funny, i was the one who was called to drive her home while she was out drunk, i was the one who listened to her talk about how she regretted believing you again, i was the one who held her hair back when she was vomiting this morning from her hangover.” haechan again returns the energy. “you tried to contact her, but she blocked your number and you had to get her address from her friend. you never even cared to ask her beforehand, and now you wanna try and show up to seem like you care? bullshit. now if you’ll excuse us now, we have a movie to finish.” he slams the door in his face and haechan surprises you for the millionth time today.

your ex bangs on the door for about 3 minutes before giving up, and you guys sit in silence as the movie still plays.

“hey haechan.” you try and start.

“AHHH!” he screams again, scaring you this time.

“JHEEZ BRO I WAS TRYING TO START A CONVO, CHILL OUT.” you scream back.

“okay, i’m fine, yeah sorry, continue.” haechan pants out.

“thanks for that.” you say, genuinely. “not even joking, you didn’t have to do that.”

“well i did, because that dude was a douche. literally having the guts to come over here and try and ask for forgiveness after he cheats. unbelievable.”

“yeah.” you fiddle with your fingers anxiously.

“i like this side of you,” haechan breaks the awkwardness. “you’re usually uptight, little-miss-perfect, and cranky, so i like this raw side of you.”

“mhm, i realized that now. sorry for being such a bitch.” you admit.

“no, i honestly deserve it. but i hope we can be friends now, it would be great to have real conversations with someone, you know?” he says.

“seriously?” you hit him in the chest as he chuckles.

“i’m joking! i swear. but seriously, friends?” he asks.

“yeah, friends.” 

and that’s where it started.

© mrkcore. 2021.