#i want to go back to before the pandemic
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Please let me go back in time and experience Fight My Way for the first time again
#or#chicago typewriter#just between lovers#come and hug me#coffee prince#healer#i want to go back to before the pandemic#when large streaming services didn't care about kdramas#even tho it's kinda nice when my irl clients are like oooh i watched a korean drama for the first time#which is very fun#i still want to go way back#random thoughts
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one of my best friends is about to have a baby today........... so weird to be on the periphery of something so life changing. I want to go "life is going to change forever" as if it hasn't already
#I was thinking last night about how different we both are from the versions of us that were being young and active and busy and fit in pgh#before the pandemic and before her very targeted focused dating efforts yielded her the result she wanted (her now-husband)#[also I don't say that cattily lol she had the most coolheaded and down-to-business approach to dating bc she knew what she wanted.#and it worked!]#anyways I think back on that halcyon year of 2019 when we went to spin classes and spent every weekend doing something#or hanging out in her tiny mt. washington studio where we could watch downtown buzz at night#truly it was such a short period of time in retrospect. she convinced me to move here + then a year and a half later the whole world changed#and so too did we#I miss the her of those years (and I miss the me) but I'm making peace with not getting her back. it's cool to see her on this new journey#which she has worked so very hard for. like I cannot overstate the methodical and intentional way in which she has shaped her life to be#what she wants out of it. accounting for many bumps along the way that she's weathered admirably.#anyways within the next 48 hours she should be a mom. that's crazy#I feel weird when everyone around me is making lifechanging moves while I'm ''ho hum where should I go on vacation in the next 2 years'' lol#ay yai yai. strange to not want things other people want and being fine with that until you start losing touchpoints with your peers#then you're like. hang on now. what am I supposed to be doing right now
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where is my fat husband
#stream#i’m lonely !!!! i want a man !!!!!!#me: where’s my man#me at the same time: not leaving the house nor dating apps & also is having a mental breakdown everyday while self medicating#also i’m 90% sure my meds are starting to fail again ALSKALKSLAKSLAKLSAKLSMAKSKK#ANYWAY#i didn’t even go to gay bars when i was allowed to drink like 😭😭😭#it’s all a bunch of straight people#there’s no point#like i constantly here old queens going ‘young gays don’t do xyz’ or ‘don’t know how to xyz’ like ok girl its because that shit died like#idk probably before the pandemic truly it was dying but the pandemic was the nail in the coffin like girl …….. i turned 21 a month into#lockdowns like#ok so i did stuff illegally & went to other shit but it still was straight bars 90% of the time there’s like 6 gay bars in houston total 😭😭😭#like idk what they expect like if … those venues aren’t there & are increasingly AGAINST doing the goofy tings …. how would the YOUNG KNOW#like at this point idk i truly think that it’s kinda on the elders at this point ALSKALSKLAKSAKSLAN like yea they’re boomers at the end of#the day so like i’m not saying that they didn’t have it hard they did they did ok but. get over it ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLA like alright … but#i’m saying this as someone who knows the history & bullshit like ok yea everyone needs to understand what it’s like to have your community#die before ur eyes but at the same time. there’s no community now ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLLA like girl …#girl …….#yall HAD a community but now all that shit is gone & none of us young ppl have any funds to make that 😭😭😭#like girl i have 12$ in my bank account i dream of being able to rent a flat at some point like a ONE BEDROOM u know W A LIVING ROOM & yall#own rentals so like this is UP TO YALL …..#like ur the problem ? 😭😭😭😭😭#@gays for trump & loghouse republicans i’m looking at YALL#a lot of these mfs are liberal too - pro invasion of iraq democrat back the blue bootlickin NIMBA faggots 😭😭😭💔#anyway that’s just me bitching#i’ve been so fucking IRRITABLE today
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Magggennnttaaaa!
#before the pandemic i sold a lot of original paintings and such at conventions and shows in my area#well some locals at a gathering today kindly informed me someone has been selling copies of my plague doctor piece#and some of my mini prints and presenting them as their own same with stickers#its not only ai we gotta worry about now even the damn locals are doing this shit#i got a show in may coming around the corner and I'm thinking i might not even sell paintings and stuff anymore if this is going to happen#im a creator that loves collaboration and thinks art should be free to enjoy#if this person approached and asked if they could sell my work i wouldn't give a fuck personally provided they give me credit and or a link#back to my stuff hell if people want to print my work if they cant afford it go for it#but fuck dude you don't just claim you did all that work as if it was yours#this was disheartening news#and several other local artists found out too at this venue that their work had been turned into stickers that vendors bought off amazon#ill hop off the soap box in a minute#still scrambling to get kofi stuff set and donation links prepared#thanks for your patience everyone#im getting out of a depressive funk too with what happened at my work place#and im gonna be speaking with a legal aid rep next week#magenta is my safe word for venting
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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ppl will go “i’d notice if society was going to sacrifice a marginalised group of people and if they said that it’s ok that a bunch of people would die then i would stand against it” and then they’ll hear people saying “well only disabled and vulnerable people will die of covid” and go “yes this is normal and ok and fine”
#first of all it’s not only disabled people who are dying and also covid can disable you real quick and make you part of that group that#people are fine with dying#but also do y’all hear yourself bed sometimes. the amount of people who claim to be allies but with throw others aside as soon as it#interferes with their comfort#also there have been so many studies and reports and articles on how covid disproportionally affects poc. not to mention inequalities in#healthcare that come into play too when you’re dealing with a pandemic#but as soon as y’all have to stop going to parties or restaurants or isolating for two weeks when exposed or confirmed positive or even if#you suspect you have it. or any of the millions of other things that at this point are important facets of community care and protecting#yourself and others from a disease that has been proven and continues to be proven to do a lot of damage to the body#y’all just balk. you don’t drop your claims but that doesn’t mean you’ve dropped your allyship#I’d love to go back to normal. i’d love to go out without a mask and eat in restaurants and do all the things i did before covid#but i won’t. because i know that isn’t safe for me or my friends/family/community and also quite literally isn’t possible now because we’re#still in a pandemic. if you claim to be an ally to disabled people then prove it and mask#I can’t speak as fully on allyship to other communities who are disproportionately impacted but not masking harms everyone and if anyone#does want to speak on allyship to their communit(y/ies) feel free to go ahead#covid tw#fired up about this because i’m doing radioactive iodine treatment in a few weeks and my mother is taking no precautions. not only am i at#risk if i catch covid but if she gets sick i either have to postpone my treatment to care for her (which risks giving my cancer more time to#metastasise if there are cells left) or i have to figure out another plan for treatment since my current plan hinges on her help since i#have to isolate#im just tired and frustrated. a pandemic doesn’t stop just because you get bored#vent tw#this is not as eloquent as i wish it was and the lack of punctuation and tone can make parts confusing but i think y’all get my point
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With the Bocchi Recap movie coming to the US in 2 weeks I thought it'd be fun to put together an outfit for it... maybe a simple cosplay.
There's 2 Bocchi characters I've been thinking of doing cosplays for in the future specifically, but I'm waaaaaay too self conscious to be going around in a dress quite yet so Kikuri is off the table for now so I guess I'm going with Bocchi's pink tracksuit and skirt.
(Time to info dump about costume search suffering woooooo)
This week after work I've been staying out to go shopping, seeing if I can possibly get some things locally. I was able to find the prefect shoes almost instantly so I have the price of those stored on the back of my head for later.
I havn't seen any places that have tracksuits let alone pink ones with a stripe down the sleeve. Part of me expected this so I did do some looking online and was able to find that Adidas has some tracksuits that look close enough, 3 sticking out in particular.
What's been a real issue tho, but not for the reason I'd expected, is the skirt. Of the 5 places I've gone browsing threw 3 of them didn't have any skirts for some reason? The 2 that did only had incredibly short denim ones.
2 of them have the tall collar but the colors are either so vibrant that it's basically magenta or so light that it's hard to tell that it's pink (which I just realized doesn't even have a matching set of pants like the others?)
The last one has the closest shade but it's collar is so short, I just don't like it (I want to be able to hide my face in that big dumb jacket collar)
The positive is they're all in my size, I just need to pick which one to go with.
I've periodically been trying to look for stuff online too but I'm so fucking lost, idk what I'm doing! I have never gone shopping for outfits proper.
All I ever wear is blue jeans I replace every 4-5 years, merch tshirts I get online from the media I like, and this cute vest thing I just stumbled upon while looking for thermals 2 winters ago.
And when it comes to costumes I've only ever sewn medieval/fantasy style costumes, I've never tried to put together anything contemporary, I'm so lost.
I don't know how to find fem outfits, all i need is a long navy blue pleated skirt T-T
Honestly, it is just a simple pleated skirt so I could totally just get the materials and a pattern at the local sewing shop and sew it myself, I could even hide pockets in the pleating.
I just don't have the energy to do that right now, I don't even have a proper sewing table in my office. I'd be sewing with my machine on the floor and I just don't want to do that.
If anyone's got advice or wants to hype me up to drag my sewing machine out please help
#I'm so fucking lost. atleast I was able to find some shoes for Bocchi's outfit that look perfect#I used to do cosplay before pandemic and I miss it and going to cons so much. I really want to get back into it again#Frin Speaks#I've spent way too long writing and rewriting this for no reason and have honestly started debating actually finding a dress to go as Kikur#A b&w varsity/letterman jacket is so easy to find and getting some fabric 'n sewin' a strip down the sleeves wouldn't be that hard either#If I manage to find a dress that'd fit for Kikuri (and fits me) before I find a simple navy pleated skirt I'ma grab that and go as her#wait shit her shoes.... do you think Kikuri would wear crocs?
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I'm literally so sick of moving I really hope that I can just stay with my parents for at least two years
#for context .#i moved out for college in 2019. then moved back in again in 2020 when the pandemic happened.#then my whole family moved in the summer of 2020 because pandemic claustrophobia was making us go insane#and then i stayed there for. a year? i think#and moved back out - again for college/moving in with my partner - in... 2021?#and then the place i moved into that time raised the rent after a year#so we moved. again. after Just One Year.#and we moved into a place we didnt really like and would eventually come to actively despise#but we didnt want to move 3 years in a row so we just gritted our teeth and tried to make the best of it#but now we're sick of it and our mental/physical health is suffering and so were our pets so . god. we're moving again. yay.#i feel like i did this Yesterday even tho its about the 2nd anniversary now#and probably in all of that time in all of those places the place j felt most alive and healthy was my parents house fjdjfnfnemdb#for further context the last time i had moved before 2020. was when i was like two years old.#i lived in the same house for like 20ish years and then ive been through like. 4 places in... 5 years?#and i thought i was done going through shit in like 2018 lmao
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why do i have to leave the house this is so fucked up. unfair. they should just deliver everything directly to my doorstep like God intended when he created instacart or whatever..... my pharmacy actually does perscription delivery but considering picking up my meds is one of the only things that gets me out of the house it just feels like a slippery slope
#can we go back to early pandemic when everyone was allowed to stay inside. wait nvm i would still need groceries and medication anyway#im basically still living like its the early pandemic and tbf i was living like that before during and after too#cant even tell if its agoraphobia depression or my brain being hyperfixated on my Computer games and not wanting to go and do stuff f#and i have to WALK PLACES now cuz i live in a “walkable” neighborhood which i never wanted to have to do#i used to love walking. would love to go on a walk#now i would live to stay inside for 5 weeks straight#txt
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awww basketball again
#malkin#tanger where is your penguin hat#oh wait dallas is a few days ago this must be old#i do appreciate how even though geno wears expensive sweaters and shit#his favorite hat is still just a 50$ trucker cap from a historically high quality but relatively affordable hat shop#its just cute: rich famous hockey celebrity but still just geno#When i bought my first go*orin hat i must have gone into the shop at least twice if not three times trying to decide which one i wanted#I had just gotten my first job in LA and Old Town pas is one of those Fancy shopping districts so i felt very awkward and out of place#and jenn had to go with me to drag me into the shop i was so nervous#And she tried on a bunch of the hats with me cause shes nice like that#Anyway yeah the folks in go*orin were real nice to us which if you have ever been into botique shops in LA you will know thats unusual#Most of the time they are rude assholes especially if you dont look like you are going to spend any money#I did buy a hat it was a little directors cap like the one walt wore in the 20s before he went into his porkpie phase#I do not like porkpie hats i will never wear one of those LOL#But i was determined to have a directors cap because if i was here in LA living the dream i was gonna look the part#I was still optimistic about things back then#Weirdly enough when i got my second job a month later the hat became a thing because it turned out everyone at the studio wore hats lol#I fit right in#And then the pandemic happened and suddenly nobody was going into the office at all for a very long time :(
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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...
#whats realy sad to me is that every since it started I can never go back to life before the pandemic#every day is so hard and even though this past year its felt like its close to being over#it will never be the same as before#my social anxiety is worse i have no friends and i realy just crave simplicity and comfort in life#and like i just wish i was older becuase i turned 21 the first year of the pandemic in the worst of it#becoming an adult is hard enough but i am so stunted i feel#not just like 21 can drink and party i dont give a shit about that its like i should be getting my life together#and like yeah ive sort of fallen into a career in theatre and i fill a much needed space in my college theatre program#which im greatful for them paying me for for a year now#but fuck it doesnt feel like i had a choice or a say in the matter#and thats besides the point#another problem and why everything feels so fucking complicated is that i dont have a plan for after college and its so stressing that#that i self sabotage and dont even look into yhe internships i want#i am so sad.. all the time.#but man i realy wish that i didnt have to live out my first years as an adult like this#at 20 i was not prepared at all for the pandemic#and now at 23 i feel so lost#i just wish life was more simple and straightforward becuase nothing is#and especially at my job as SM everything is so fucking complicated and i always feel like i dont even know what im doing#fuck just ignore me#but if anyone has any adivse please let me know
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tw in tags for weight talk!! just need to vent or i'll scream lol
#i just saw some pictures of myself pre pandemic and jesus christ i used to think i was fat but i was actually so skinny compared to now#and the thing is. the weight gain was so sudden and so out of my control (medication caused it) that it just. jesus. it feels like#it's not my body anymore. and i just want to go back to before but i can't#so i should diet and exercise and whatnot but it's all so fucking much#my control issues are going crazy tonight don't mind me#it's a problem for tomorrow i guess#tw weight
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If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.
(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)
Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.
Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.
Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and
But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.
So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.
But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.
But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.
So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.
You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.
The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.
Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.
Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.
You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.
Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.
Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.
Never mind that last part.
And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.
Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."
To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.
It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.
So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:
Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.
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how to start reading again
from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.
start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.
don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.
go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.
remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)
analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.
read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.
finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.
try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.
forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.
remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!
stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.
#louisa-gc#academia#studyblr#aesthetic#book#books#reading#read#advice#help#university#study#uni#library#bibliophile#it girl#that girl#habits#booktok#booktube#bookstagram
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Something I miss from the start of the pandemic was being able to watch movie theater releases from home.
I know why they’ve gone back to in theater only releases, but as someone with multiple disabilities and a compromised immune system that makes movie-going hard, it was the first time in years I got to enjoy new releases as they came out.
I didn’t even particularly mind that it was costing me $20 to rent it for a single viewing. To me it was just another disabled tax, but one I was actually happy to pay for the price of finally feeling included in the experience of enjoying new media. (Not to mention actually going to the movie theater costs something closer to $40 these days.)
Factor in that I got to control my environment (not too dark or loud to avoid migraines. No nerve compression from sitting in chairs not designed for my body. Access to food I could eat and bathroom breaks as needed without missing anything.) the sheer joy alone of being able to talk to my friends about movies as they came out was really something I hadn’t realized I was missing until I had it back.
Normally by the time I get to see new media it’s several months later and everyone else has moved on.
It’s alienating.
The whole experience of being disabled alienates you from most of society, but it always tends to be the big things you think about and not the little. And that was one of the little things I missed.
And now there’s a new Superman movie coming out next year that I’m actually so, so excited to see. But barring a miracle of Biblical proportions, I know I’m not going to be able to hobble my butt into the cinema without risking my health.
So, I’ll be watching it months later when the hype has already died down. And my enthusiasm for it won’t be counted in box office figures despite being the type of person who would go see a movie multiple times in the cinema if I enjoyed it.
I dunno, man. It just sucks. I wish they had like, memberships or something you could pay to watch things at home.
And before anyone is like “just pirate it” — that’s not the point of the post. The point is people are excluded from things in ways you don’t even think about and the pandemic made it really clear that there were always ways to accommodate people like me.
People just don’t want to.
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