#and like i just wish i was older becuase i turned 21 the first year of the pandemic in the worst of it

[timelord-of-the-moon]

...

[jt-artsandfics]

So I don't knwo if anyone will actually ever read this. Maybe if I post it one day but who knows. But hi.

I'm Julian. T in a 21 year old transgender aboriginal guy. from the small town of G.H.M Austraila. And this is my life story.

I was originally born Tareena with a different middle and last name. July is my birth month. And I was born in 2000. I was a very sick baby my mother was in labour for 36 hours with me. I am her first born.

I got really sick becuase I had fluid in my lungs, I was lucky that I survived, But I did. I don't remember much of my younger childhood other then my parents fighting. My father was my mother's drug dealer back in high school. And she was daughter of the local police chief.

I remember my first ever day at school. I was bawling my eyes out and I had the most horrendous shade of red lipstick smeared on my lips.

That was the year I met my best friend for life/my brother from another mother. His name is Ben. He was the only one I really liked at school most of the other kids didn't get along with me. But I had him.

He has been there for me thought everything. When I had just turned 7 my aunt and uncle got married. It was a beautiful wedding. But if only I knew what it entitled. That was the same year my parents broke up and more.

That was the year alot of stuff started. The sexual abuse and molesting from my uncle. I still remember it all very vividly to the point I can walk though one go the buildings today and point out exact spots where he would hide with use to touch us.

I was lucky, my cousin walked in on us when my uncle was going to go further then he normally did. If it was for him at that time I most likely would have been raped.

I didn't really understand but I knew something wasn't right. He use for make us watch porn with him and it still makes my skin crawl.

I like to think things work thought karma and luck. One day I stayed home from school becuase i wasn't well had. Avery bad fever. And mum had to work. (She worked 6 jobs to support three kids after her and my father divorced.) She had left the Tv on for me and I was skipping thought channels. A really pretty actress who I don't knwo the name of came onto a talk show, and I watched it. She takes about what had happened to her when she was 10 playing as a child star of a show.

She shared what had happened with her producer. How he black mailed her and sexually assaulted, abused and raped her over the years she was their. She talked about she wish she had the courage back them to tell someone. And that if she could be the courage for someone else suffering then it means what she went thought would mean something.

It hit me hard and I believe she gave me the courage to do what I did. It scared the shit out of me. But one day I was told by my mum I had to go and stay at my uncle's for the night and I was terrified. I tried talking my way out of it by asking to go to friends places but in the end I couldn't.

My mum asked me why I really didn't want to go and if something had happened. I told her not to be mad at me and told her what my uncle had been doign to us. I told her about how he's make us strip down and lay on a bed so he could look over us like we were fucking meat. And I let it all out to her.

She was horrified. Had to calm me down and ask me if what i was saying was true. I told her it was and front there alot of shit happened that day. My mother nearly killed 'Darren' she had to be locked with us at the police department while they talked with my sister and I.

But we were too young and didn't know how to explain everything. If their is one thing I can tell you is teach your children the real name a of their genitals otherwise police won't do anything.

It was a big battle trying to get him charged my mother wanted him locked away. But sadly nothing every came of it.

We got older and I ended up spending more time with my great grandparents. My great grandfather was my world we shared a birthday of a sort with his a few days before mine. I'd see him when ever we could.

School got harder after my nana passed away. And I took up Catholicism. (Not the best choice on my part) I was 12. I did my communion and such. But after that mygrandfather moved closer and I used to spend every school after noon with him watching old john Wayne and black and white movies.

He would tell me stories of his child hood and it some something I loved.

Once I got to high school my mental health and physical health deteriorated quite quickly. I had a really creepy boyfiend who was year 11 when I was year 8. After i broke up with him he started stalking me until my younger brother and mum got involved.

After that I cut ties with alot of my friends. I only had a small group. I picked up smoking with the stoners behind the science block and hall. They were chill and let me be me. But weed only helped so much. At first I thought I wa broken. All the other 'girls' were talking about how they were having sex, had boyfriends and such and I felt so out of place. At friend I thought it wa becuase of what 'Darren' did to me.

But then I met the coolest girl at school and my first girl crush. She had dark black hair cut almost buzzed she work rings and necklaces and didn't give a shit about the school code.

She was the one who taught me girl can like girls same as guys can like guys. I hung out with her all the time. And then one day she just stopped to school I felt like I didn't belong.

I got really depressed in my next few years. Alot more smoke. I lost 3 animals I had since childhood in 3 months. It messed me up bad and then we moved again.

I was still at the same school. And that we sheen I started my friendship up wirh a girl called 'Sam'. She was my best friend for long time. Becuase at that time Ben had gotten a girlfriend. One I didn't get along with at them time but it wa becuase I thought she was a popular kid and that she was going to take my best friends away from me.

I was very unstable. I just selfharmed but not in ways that people could tell. I used to smash rocks into my head and burn my hands and feet with lighters. It made me feel more alive at the time.

It got worse once I came home with my now cat. He was 3 weeks old and I was feeding him milk off my pinkie. My step dad at the time lost his hair and fucked my mental health up even worse. I told my mum to get rid of the Cat and that when she ended up finding other newer injuries on my. I.. I had tried to rip my arms open with the sharp end of a potato peeler. Not my best moments but I can look back on it husband laughs nd how stupid I was.

Alot of stuff went down from when I as 13 to 14 wobbly step dad. But mum loved him and he never raised a hand to hurt up just he would tell alot, drink and do lots of drugs.

When I was 14 I had my first kiss with a girl. My first girlfriend and it was the best thing ever. Until she broke up with me over text.

[the-pink-mug-introvert]

92 Questions Tag

Tagged by @pixiesinthevoid  (I’m so happy you still tag me in stuff)

Answer the questions and tag 20 people (You expect me to have that many mutuals??) @androbee @currently-procrastinating @artatthepriceofoblivion @eggopicnicinthepark @we-fit-like-mittens @emthought @ke1th​

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone call: My dad

3. Text message: Some friends

4. Song you listened to:  Alt-J -Breezeblocks

5. Time you cried: When I failed my Geometry final (But literally everyone in the class did too so it’ll probably effect the teacher more than the students)

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: No (I’ve never even dated someone once)

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No (Because I’ve never been in a relationship)

8. Been cheated on: No (Guess why)

9. Lost someone special: Yes (My cat Tiger)

10. Been depressed: Is that even a question at this point??

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Excuse you, I’m a minor that respects authority 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: YES

16. Fallen out of love: Lol no

17. Laughed until you cried: Yep

18. Found out someone was talking about you: There’s this super cool art girl who likes to talk to other art people about art people, so probably

19. Met someone who changed you: Many

20. Found out who your friends are: Yep!

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Lol no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them because they’re all just my family

24. Do you want to change your name: Nope! My name is awesome

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Invite 1 person and my sister’s friend to eat cake and shit because I had no friends and it was the most awkward thing in the world why did I think it was a good idea

26. What time did you wake up: 10:20 ish

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Griffin and Justin’s Tomodachi Survivor

28. Name something you can’t wait for: To get a paypal so I can open my commission shop and get some cash 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: An hour ago, as she left for work

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was more aware of my surroundings

31. What are you listening right now: Studiokiller - Jenny

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, he’s one of my dad’s friends

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Anxiety

34. Most visited Website: Tumblr and Youtube

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s: I don’t think so?

36. Mark/s: Freckles, stretch marks, some burn scars, and a scar I got from being impaled by a pencil

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a singer

38. Hair colour: Light Brown

39. Long or short hair: Long

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Yep

41. What do you like about yourself: My body, my easy acceptance, and my charisma

42. Piercings: I have my ears pierced, but I never wear earrings

43. Bloodtype: I don’t know

44. Nickname: Don’t really have one

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: Cancer

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite TV Show: A Series of Unfortunate Events

49. Tattoos: None

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: None

52. Hair dyed in different color: I used to have blue tips, but now hopefully I can get some rainbow hair from my friend

53. Sport: I used to play soccer, but everyone on the team hated me

55. Vacation: Frace just because I want to eat all the food

56. Pair of trainers: I think that means sneakers? I wear Nike

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: A vegetarian hotdog because I’m too lazy to cook

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: Get ready for the day and do some gardening after sitting in a chair for a week

61. Waiting for: A haircut and to go grocery shopping

62. Want: An English translated Mob Phsyco 100 Manga

63. Get married: Yeah!

64. Career: Work as a graphic designer for advertisment, make my own animation studio with my sister, make web comics

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or taller: I don’t really care

68. Older or younger: Only like a year or two apart

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t really care

71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Someone who could switch because I need to get out of my shell, but I still want to feel safe

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: EXCUSE ME I AM A MINOR THAT RESPECTS ATHOURITY

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Usually after a nap

77. Turned someone down: Yep, multiple people

78. Sex in the first date: Hell no

79. Broken someone’s heart: Maybe, I don’t really know

80. Had your heart broken: Lol no, becuase I never get my hopes up

81. Been arrested: No.

82. Cried when someone died: Yep

83. Fallen for a friend: Yes and it’s the worse thing...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Yeah!!

85. Miracles: I believe in luck

86. Love at first sight: Not really

87. Santa Claus: Nope

88. Kiss on the first date: Probably not

89. Angels: I belive in spiritual energy

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Jessica, Ash, Ayla

91. Eyecolour: Green/Blue

[yukizus-blog]

92 truths

 I was tagged by @hiimcaroline, which obviously want me dead xD

1. Drink: Cola

2. Phone Call: Mum

3. Text: “I will be back before midnight” to my mum

4. Song you listened to:  Missi Hale - What the world needs now is love

5. Time you cried: Yesterday, but not much surprisingly

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: yop

7. Been cheated on: Kinda, hard to explain

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yup

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Ya.

11. Gotten drunk and threw up: Ya... xD’’

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

• blue • violet • turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: Yes, fortunately ❤️  I’d die otherwise xD

16. Fallen out of love: Hmmm... No, not of a particular person I guess. Things, like Caroline mentioned, yeah.

17. Laughed until you cried: Sure thing, many many times

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah. Nah.

19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t know if I met, but I got closer to some people and that changed me

20. Found out who your true friends are: It’s always difficult to say, there are friends, but they can go anytime and I won’t blame anyone - it’s life. One time you’re closer to somebody and then suddenly not. It may come back, but life is life. I hope those, who I consider friends now will stay them for a long time

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t really know what do you mean... xD Like, the list on my right I see now? Yeah. xD

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in really life?: All of them, otherwise I wouldn’t have them as my FB friends - most of them are not close to me.

23. Do you have any pets: Yeah! A cat, Kesio/Keś and I’m incredibly happy about that

24. Do you want to change your name?: I used to want it so badly, now I’m getting used to this, but still I don’t really feel special connection with my name - almost all my friends call me Yuki or Śniegi

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: My awesome uni friends made me a cake and then gave me cola and we went to drink some tea! It was so sweet, thank you so much <3 Then I met up with my boyfriend. I’m used to celebrating my birthday, but lately it’s just so modest, that I was really grateful for that

26. What time did you wake up?: Many times. Officially, 9:30, nah

27: What were you doing at midnight last night: Explaining relative clauses to my friend via facebook xD

28. Name something you cannot wait for: graduating from uni, holidays (I hate the heat, but at least no uni...), moving out from my home!! especially the last one; aaand having my own family

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 5 minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you can change about your life: One? Phah xD My laziness, anxiety, stressing too much about stuff that matter more or less, also my daily schedule... and my procrastination, oh yeah

31. What are you listening to right now: TV that I hear from the other room xD

32. Have you talked to a person named Tom: “Tom” I don’t think so, but Polish equivalent, which is “Tomasz” yes <- copied from Caroline, becuase same xD

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Too much stress in my life and almost no free time without getting stressed about things that I should be doing... Thanks Uni, fuck you too

34. Most visited website: Tumblr, youtube, facebook :D

35. Elementary: Done

36: High School: Also done

37: College: Trying to survive.... It’s really hard tho

38. Hair color: Brown, although some people say that it’s dark blond, which always will be funny for me - no, it’s fucking not, geez xD Soon, I will have ombre, with silver toner ;>

39. Long or short hair: Medium I guess

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Dan from Imagine Dragons... I mean, my boyfriend of course! phih! (that save tho)

41. What do you like about yourself: .... yeaaaah. Suuure. But seriously, I don’t know. Not my body, but I guess that I’m empathetic, loyal and rather truth-telling, but with a skill - I mean, truth without hurting somebody’s feelings xD

42. Piercings: Two in a left ear (used to be 3), one in the right one

43. Blood type: A RH +

44. Nickname: Yuki, Śniegi

45. Relationship Status: In a relationship for 2 years :D

46. Zodiac sign: Libra

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite tv show: I don’t have a favourite one, there are some that I watch and like

49. Tattoos: In the future :D

50. Right or left hand: Right hand

FIRST…

51. Surgery: Never :D

52. Piercing: My ears, when I  was like incredibly young, still baby that couldn’t talk

53. Word: Mama I guess, but not sure

54. Sport: Gymnastics and swimming, then dance, not sure what was first - now I’m just a lazy cinamon-roll

55. Vacation: Some Polish cities, the first one abroad was Germany I guess.

56. Pair of trainers: Not sure, I don’t care about the brand

RECENTLY…

57. Eating: Chicken in a creamy-mushroom sauce - I hate mushrooms, but this one wasn’t bad when you put aside mushrooms xD

58. Drinking: Tea, bitter one, could be better

59. I’m about to: Get a call from my work

60. Listening to: Shots by Imagine dragons, Broiler remix

61. Waiting for: A call from my work xDDD

62. Want: To relax without having in mind that I have to do so many things...

DO YOU WANT TO…

63. Get married: Yup, in the future, after uni I guess. Would be cool. I want my own family

64. Have a career and if so what: Yes, I’d love to be a translator (Preferably audio-visual things, like movies or tv series) <- Same as Caroline xD

WHICH IS BETTER…

65. Hugs or kisses: Both, but not too passionate kisses tho, I prefer those gentle yet full of feeling

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: No difference rly. I’m quite short and so is my boyfriend, but as long as he is taller than me then doesn’t matter

68. Older or younger: Rather older or at least same age

69. Spontaneous or romantic:  Spontaneous and romantic - yes, it’s possible. It really depends. Lately I need more romantic stuff, but with my schedule it combines a lot xD

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach, definetely.

71. Sensitive or loud: It really depends. Sometimes sensitive, sometimes loud, lately I prefer sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker; hesistant are kinda annoying

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger: Yup

75. Drank hard liquor: Yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Well... I don’t wear them, but I did lost some. I have them in my cabinet, they are just lying there, dunno why I bought so many pairs xD

77. Turned someone down: Yes

78. Sex on first date: No, never, I strongly despite things like that

79. Broken someone’s heart: Hmm... Yeah. I did.

80. Had your heart broken: Oh yeah

81. Been arrested: Not yet, but been in a police station on an interrogation xD

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah, for me love has to begin from a friendship, at least a little, or it should be based on one

DO YOU BELIEVE…

84. In Yourself: Sometimes or unconsciously

85. Miracles: No.

86. Love at first sight: Not really, but it can happen at the first meeting. My love was kiinda at first sight, but I was sceptical

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss on the first date: Yup

89. Angels: Hmm.. not sure

OTHER…

90. Current best friend: Well that may sound sad, but I don’t really have one. Everyone around me has their best friend, so I’m just left there like h-hi can I at least talk to you? ;-; Some friends I may consider best friends, but we talk so rarely or meet hardly ever... Stupid uni, really, it destroys my life...

91. Eye color: Grey. In some light they’re green-ish or kinda blue... But I always say that they’re grey

92. Favorite movie: I reaaaally don’t have favourite movies, tv series or anime. It’s hard to choose or nothing comes to my mind when I have to answer stuff like that.

I tag:  @adsuro@likebreakofdawn��@mikux3 same as always, because I don’t have more friends on tumblr hehehehe ;-;