#i want to get my master's but i also feel like if i don't then i'm wasting something

[ninasodiiva]

what are their true feelings?.ೃ࿐

PAC reading

hi my babes! it's crazy the love my first reading received, i'm so happy to know the messages resonated ┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈.

someone requested this pac reading, and i liked it because the uncertainty of not knowing how someone feels about you is fucking horrible (been there). so keep reading if you'd like to know what are their true feelings? ༊*·˚

how to choose a group:

take a deep breath and relax your body, look at all the pictures and pick the one you are the most drawn to, don't think about it to much. you might be attracted to the picture or the number. REMEMBER this is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn't. nothing is set in stone. if you are not drawn to any of the pictures this might not be the reading for you loves. tarot is a divination tool to meant for guidance!! nothing is set in stone and you are the master of your own fate and the captain of your own soulㅤ ♡ྀི

that said, let's get into it!

- group 1: polka dot tights 🤍

hi my beautiful group 1, let's start.

at first i was extremely confused reading your cards but all of the sudden a wave of messages came in. i feel this is how you're feeling, confused (well you wouldn't be here if you weren't lol). i'm always direct when giving messages and this case is no different. babes i feel you're dealing with a person from your past, someone you already have history with and once felt like home to you, things have changed a lot. you either broke up some time ago but still keep in touch or that person is still your partner. well, this is a classic story, you both are growing and your new selves don't quite fit anymore.

there are two energies in the reading so pick the one that resonates

if this is your actual partner my group 1, i see you making great efforts to keep the relationship alive, you're a romantic, very down to earth and devoted person. the "problem" here seems to be your person, they are not who they once were. from what i'm getting i feel your person has become very independent as if they were single. keeping things to themselves, not sharing time with you, acting cold... really what im getting is that they want to focus more on their personal goals and dreams, they want to be free (?). you put the efforts to keep the fire alive, and that says beautiful things about you but... the truth is people grow apart, and it has nothing to do with you, it happens. spirit is telling me it's time to let this person go for good, both of you served your purpose within the relationship and a new chapter is ahead 🤍 they are also telling me that a conversation is VERY much needed to put an end to this cycle, a truthful, vulnerable conversation. i just heard: don't fall back into old patterns again. babes don't be like carrie in this situation pls.

spirit wants me to say that this is no one's fault, the love was there, and will be just in a different form. it's like losing contact with an old friend, you will always love them and cherish them but not in the same way. for this collective of group 1 i sense both of you are great people, it's just that you guys have different visions for you futures. have grace with yourself and remember my loves that it's not a loss, but the gain of a beautiful experience and memories.

lastly spirit says to leave your worries to them and to cherish yourself and this new chapter in your life babes. with love, Nina 🦢⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

if this is an ex or a situationship (god i hate that term) im gonna be straight forward with you babes. your person does not feel anything romantic towards you, you're confusing lust and a bit of attention for love. i feel that since you have history with this person you believe things could work out this time but im here to tell you that no (im sorry if im too harsh, i think you need it <3).

the "problem" seems to be that you my pile 1 have this subconscious belief which tells you that familiar is good even if it hurts mix with a need for validation (gosh i sound so harsh im sorry 😭). your person literally couldn't give less of a fuck, they are the definition of a fuckboy. girl please get out, let me put it to you this way. would you like your daughter to be in your situation? no right? well then FUCK YOUR PERSON. really babe, stand up you don't wanna be the "long-term long distance low commitment casual girlfriend" 🙏🏼 your person will not choose you and its not because of you, they are not serious when it comes to relationships.

he is already getting you without having to choose you, clock that.

spirit says you have no idea how much your life will improve in EVERY ASPECT once you let that person go and understand that the only validation and acceptance you need is from yourself diva. STAND UP BABE. i'm sending you lots of love and strength to leave that dusty and i apologize if at some point it got too straight forward.

with love, Nina 🦢⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

- group two: kitten heels 🩰

my group two omg when i tell you its not even funny the way im giggling while channeling the messages... gosh im so excited for you! <3

okey so, your person has feelings for you. gosh so many messages are coming through and i can't write that fast. this person likes you A LOT, he has the biggest crush on you, it's a love so sweet and tender... your person has been through hell in past relationships and that has caused them to reject love for some time, what spirit is saying is that meeting you was really cathartic for them because the feelings were so strong they had to find a way to heal to be with you.

babes be patient with them pls i'm being so serious, they are fighting their own demons and fears to find the courage to trust someone again 🤍 they are so shy about you it's so funny lol cause i'm feeling normally they're not like that. they see you as someone so kind and patient, extremely caring and beautiful physically. i'm seeing this image of you being in your world and them admiring you from afar wow. the cards and spirit support this connection 100%, what they are asking you to do is to help your person a little bit!! try to break the ice by being playful and they say it's important not to rush and get to know each other. but i assure you this is absolutely lovely energy 🌹

spirit is saying it will be sooner than expected and to be honest and thoughtful with your person, i sense they are a very strong and romantic person but when it comes to love they are hopeless. it's so sweet that they are literally forcing themselves to face their demons in order to be with you, that's how much they want you 🤍 also be prepared to go on date i heard!!

congratulations pile two you deserve this kind of love and i'm so so so excited to hear how this unfolds for you!! there's not much to say, with love Nina ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🦢

- group three: brown cardigan

hi group number three hope you're having a great day, let's get into your reading! <3

babes did you friendzone this person? lol. it's funny because i see your person hiperfixated on you but they think their feelings are not reciprocated by you? i don't know how you feel about them but since you're reading this i'm assuming you care for them at least.

im seeing your person being in their own a lot, for some reason they are going through WAITT OH. okey there are two collectives here. some of you friendzone your person or that's at least that's how they feel. and for others your person it's fighting the urge to confess how they feel towards you, because they truly appreciate your friendship. take it as it resonates!

group number 3 i'm feeling a push and pull dynamic between the both of you, i'm here to give you clarity so if you like this person spirit is saying to let yourself feel these emotions, it's safe to like someone and specifically your person!! they literally feel the same as you really, it's like those movies where the love interests are COMPLETELY blind and it's infuriating to watch 😫. you both are so awkward it's hilarious and cute. the advice here is to be open minded, i feel you're doubting this person because you have a wrong perception of them, get to know them more and make an effort!!!

i can not stress that enough, it's showing multiple times in your reading. this is someone compatible for you and the attraction is there. i can't quite pinpoint what is exactly making you both doubtful, maybe other people??

bottom line is that they like you as well and they are planning to take action towards you but you need to do that as well babes. for the ones who friendzone them (lmao) spirit says they also wanna come towards you but you crushed their hopes and now they think there's 0 chances. you have to make an effort group number three. the ball is in your court!! if what you wanted is confirmation that they are your person you have it, spirit says it will be successful but you need to OPEN UP GIRL, don't be afraid to love, you got this diva.

that's all for your reading my love, i send you lots of love and strength, Nina 🦢⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[demonslayedher]

Giyuu's not antisocial, he's a nice guy who cares a lot

It's very easy to find Giyuu overly cold or thoroughly convinced that everyone hates him, but this is the guy who very confidently stated, "I am not disliked."

So like, even though he believes he doesn't deserve to be counted among the Hashira, much less the Corp, and he carries a heck of a lot of survivor's guilt, to the point that he probably hates himself, but he doesn't have any reason to believe other people hate him. Nobody has seen how much he doesn't deserve to be alive, and nobody's been outright mean to him. They just don't know. They don't know how much better it would have been for Sabito to be in this place instead.

Giyuu tries not to get in the actual Hashiras' way and all. That's just him being considerate; he's trying not to be dead weight while being a placeholder in the Water Hashira position. That's why instead of mingle where he doesn't deserve to mingle, he stays to himself to train.

And then when he meets that boy in the forest who has just been through the worst experience of his life and is about to lose the only family he has left, like, yeah, Giyuu knows what he has to do and what this boy has to hear if he has any hope of standing up against the wrongs that have been done to his loved ones. He's been there, Giyuu knows how tempting is just want to give up and die right there after losing your family. But in his heart!! This is why Giyuu is rooting so hard for that boy!!! And that's making his mouth just run and run and run, because he so passionately wants to see this boy not give in to the overwhelming grief.

And then!!! Oh!!! There really might be new hope in this sibling pair!! The boy has a surprising knack for this, he even has a sense of smell like Urokodaki, there is hope that the Corp will finally get a Water Hashira again! The girl, defying her compulsion to eat and give in to her demon nature, is a sign that even a change like this can--and has!--occurred among demons, a strange cause for hope in hundreds of years of endless violence!

And Giyuu treats that demon--no, that girl--kindly and gently as he dresses her in a clean kimono (which he presumably... already had? Or he ran with Hashira speed to the Kamado house?) and nicely crafted muzzle. He cares so much about the hope these siblings may bring that he watches over them until the boy wakes up so he can make sure to tell him about Urokodaki and that he shouldn't let his sister be exposed to sunlight. (EDIT: Oh my gosh, yes, @yoiiyoii you are absolutely right in your tags, Tanjiro put that clean kimono on Nezuko before taking her down the mountain; that's why it didn't have blood stains!)

And then, presumably, Giyuu feels alight with hope for a while! Maybe only a realistic amount, but still, he's encountered something stunning enough to make him choose to leave a demon alive, much less care for her welfare. We know he trusted Urokodaki with them, and we know Urokodaki later wrote a letter, but I must wonder, did Giyuu tell Kagaya about Nezuko? He'd of course have trusted him. He probably felt responsible to report the matter. But there's also the chance that he didn't feel it was his place to bother Kagaya, because he's not a Hashira and does not deserve the master's attention.

But everything else goes on being as frustrating as always. There are still many nights when Giyuu doesn't make it in time. People die because of his failures. Maybe Sabito would have made it.

And he goes on like this, year after year of being a placeholder while the Water Hashira position is left empty. The other Hashira are all working so hard, and they would be helped so much by having someone like Sabito around.

On a night like any other, Giyuu finds a bunch of slain Corp members. If only he had come sooner. He hurries to help any other survivors, and finds a weird one in a boar mask who needs to be tied up if he's going to survive the night. It's for his own good that Giyuu took the trouble. (And presumably he carries rope around like he carries around spare kimono and woodworking tools.)

Giyuu finds another Corp member he can save, and slays the demon responsible for all this. But that boy he saved is ridiculously showing sympathy for it. He's even more ridiculous than Kochou, who obviously doesn't mean it whenever she makes that insensitive joke about humans and demons getting along. It's completely irrational and thinking like that seriously will just get more people killed--

--oh!!! It's that boy!!! And that girl!!!!!

And yes, he does need to act fast to prevent Kochou from killing the girl over a misunderstanding, and she's right to act that way without knowing the full story, but then one the immediate danger has passed, Giyuu's back to not bothering the Hashira. He knows it's not his place. But man, how he hopes this is going to go over well. He really had to have put faith in Kagaya being understanding.

Ok, but also, like, he's never given anyone a reason to dislike him?? He never bothered them, he didn't think???? Who? Who is it that dislikes him? Is it everyone????? They hate having a fraud around, don't they? That must be it. Nobody would have this problem if Sabito was there instead. He's going to stay far out of the way and make doubly sure he's not going to bother anyone with his completely undeserved existence.

But here in the moment, Giyuu is willing to stake his undeserved life on his faith in that demon girl, and he wants so badly for that boy to go on to be the Water Hashira the Corp so desperately needs, but if it doesn't go that way, Giyuu is just going to have to deal with it. It's out of his hands; he is not in a position to speak for them, but he has such faith in them that he will stand against the Hashira if it is necessary for saving those children in a moment of tension.

The relief Giyuu must have felt when the Hashira tacitly accepted letting them live and stay in the Corp! Maybe even that glimmer of hope again. That boy still has a long way to go before he can take the Water Hashira position, but Urokodaki has trained him, and he's well on his way. He's already come so far in standing up for himself and for his sister; this boy is really it! How eager Giyuu must have felt for him to keep gaining the experience he needs!

The Corp loses yet another Hashira in Giyuu's span of filling a hole. The sooner that boy can prepare himself for the position, the better.

And!!! It's working!! He helps defeat an Upper Moon!! But Giyuu's stomach must have been filled with dread when he didn't wake up, and when he must have heard about how close Nezuko came to dashing all his hopes.

But! Almost as soon as the boy wakes up, he helps defeat another Upper Moon!! That makes three for the Corp; the tides really have been changing ever since those siblings appeared. It won't be much longer until the boy attain enough strength to match the others and serves the Corp as a master of Water Breath---

wait wtf is Hinokami Kagura

Poor Giyuu!! His poor hopes, drowned!! Of course he was upset. He's been waiting so long for this important position the Corp relies on to finally be filled. By someone who deserves it. Someone who would have made it in time, all those times. Someone like Sabito.

This boy isn't like Sabito.

So it's back to zero, as far as Giyuu's personal hopes and desires are concerned. Oh, but that girl mastered the sun. Yay... whoo...

That means the progenitor of demons will be out to get her, and the Corp now faces a bigger threat than ever. Giyuu's best going back to what he's always done, all these years.

Train on his own so that he's not a burden or a failure. Stay out of the Hashiras' way. Stay out of the whole Corp's way, since he doesn't deserve to be there in the first place.

They all deserve Sabito.

[deceit-and-knowledge]

Another diary/journal entry this time about pv and smilk, written by pv per request

cw: minor obssessive behaviour

Also date format used, day, month, year (blog owner is from the country that lost a war against a bird aka I'm not American)

Warning might be kinda long?

journal entry #xxx 5/3/xxxx

Dear journal

Today is the 5th day of spring so I took the time to sheer off the costs the cream sheep built up over the winter, it's still cold here. So I'm keeping warm by moving around and doing tasks around the kingdom. I stated many entries back that I was in possession of a particular blue cookie. Shadow milk cookie, his body is rather cold it's self so he'll be a wonder come summer. But that's not the point here. I am yet to write out about our complicated relationship.

He's a tough nut to crack. He's a cookie that's built up walls around himself so much it's hard to see through his feelings and emotions and true reason behind his actions. But I understand him.i understand his actions and why he's the way he is, it's true. We've walked similar paths. He's clearly been hurt in the past by someone, he's lost his sense of self and love, friendship and kindness. He was hurting so much that lies were something he discovered as a means of comfort.

I dread the idea that I nearly became that myself many times, refusing my truth for deceit. Deceit is like a forbidden fruit. Delicious yet bad for you. The truth is like a sour candy. Hurts you in the beginning but becomes sweet to you later. I'm glad shadow milk cookie is beginning to learn who he was again. Even if it's a slow process.

How did this occur again? He just showed up on my doorstep one day. He claimed to want vengeance and that I'm "nothing but a pathetic marionette on a string, he'll play like fiddle until I give up what I stole." So I gave him a whole speech about friendship and why I want him to accept it. He "pretended* to get it but I knew. He accepted it from the start. He came here already wanting my friendship but because he's so scared to be vulnerable he has to lie and pretend he's not "weak" or "soft" when really he is.

He has his moments of "weakness" where he allows himself to open up to me and even cry. He's afraid of being judged and while I wish he wasn't I understand why he is. He's the "master of deceit" the once fount of knowledge, I believe even a king. He has many important titles and roles and clearly played a huge role in this world's development. Everything he did had responsibility and immense impact. A cookie as important as that couldn't be "weak" or show "immaturity" let alone be submissive and just give in his emotions. A cookie that claims to be a master of all lies, that governs all truth, deceit and knowledge can't be shown sobbing. It breaks my heart that he can't let his walls break.

But little does he know I've been breaking them slowly, love and kindness is what he needs to build trust in someone to let them see him cry. See him at his lowest which is all the time. He hasn't had a high in maybe eons. I feel horrible for him.

I'm so glad to be the cookie guiding him, being his friend and making him happy. I'm aware he's harmed me, harmed my friends, some probably worse to others. Elder faerie gave up his life to white lily cookie so she could stop shadow milk cookie. Remembering that gorgeous faerie form she took makes me feel. Strange.. she looked pretty, yes but now when I look back I feel nothing. I don't feel love the way I do. I suppose I no longer possess feelings for white lily cookie. I still love her as a friend however, besides. Our paths stray much different from one another. A relationship with her would stop one of us from being happy and feeling fulfilled. I want her to be happy and if that means our paths don't align I accept that.

Admittedly my previous behaviour about her was rather concerning. A giant lily garden made from mourning isn't normal. I recognise that. It's always been an issue for me, I get so overally attached to something or someone it makes me feel ill not to have it. I'm addicted to the scent of lillies. I know. It's a problem but now I'm slowly developing a particular fondness for the milky scent of milk crown flowers. Yes. It means exactly what you think it means.

But at least it's not one sided. I see right through that liar. He's so obvious about it but I'm unsure how much longer I can wait for his walls to break down enough he admits it to me and tells me his feelings. I love shadow milk cookie. I understand him and care about him more than I've cared about the other heroes, white lily cookie and the kids. We even literally share a soul in a way. Could that be anymore perfect? Our paths align perfectly, it's mere fate. I never thought it would be this way but he's just like me. Despite the past, I want to move past it and show him empathy for his hurt. I hate to sound so enthralled despite the past but the thrill rubs me the right way.

He's still cruel but it's kinder now. He calls me names but it's because he's scared to admit how he truly feels, luckily I get it. He doesn't think I do. For the once fount of knowledge, he's not great at realisation. It's quite humorous. He doesn't even realise how much I admire him. I can't help but stare, those silly blue eyes pierce right through me, he even likes the same things as me. Yes I'm gushing. I love the thrill, I love watching a cookie so angry with life finally smile. Learn to care about someone that's not him, today he yelled at me for not eating. Before he'd just point it out and pout but today he screamed at me. He was so worried about me he used his little strength to cook. He then threw a pie at me but it's the thought that counts. Can't be too kind now can he?

every moment with this cookie feels amazing all over. I need him, I'm getting quite impatient. I need him all over me. I want to be.

tomorrow i plan to take him to do some gardening, last time he offered me a flower and it was so sweet. I love watching him warm up to me. We've gotten so far and there's no going back now. This cookie will forever be my dear friend I met through strange means but he'll forever be important to me as a show of my compassion.

I must sleep now. Tomorrow I will write again.

[korn-dawg]

get to know your author !! (me)

i feel like i've gone on a little too long without properly introducing myself, so here's my intro !! (here's my masterlist too hehe)

⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

name : you can call me just about anything ! Ivelle works best, though !!

sexuality : if you couldn't tell by the colors already i'm a lesbian hehe

fav color : either yellow or green !!

fav artists/bands : ghost bc, she wants revenge, slipknot, snot, rob zombie/white zombie, korn, sophia isella, twin temple, arctic monkeys, baby metal, and hanabie. !!!

fav sanrio character(s) : the little twin stars, kiki and lala !!!!

fav games/game series : resident evil (fav is prob 5), silent hill, lollipop chainsaw, TLOU, COD (specifically BO:3), GOW, BG3, animal crossing, mario kart

fav show : arcane or cells at work!

fav movie : texas chainsaw massacre

fav emoji : 🪐

hobbies : writing (duh), photography, baking, dyeing my hair, sewing

working towards being .. : an obstetric anesthesiologist !

how often do i post ? : i try to hit a fic a day but obviously it doesn't always happen

why did i start writing ? : i had a fic idea that i didn't see anywhere so i wrote it myself ... 😭

who do i like writing the most ? : ada wong; i know i've published legit only 1 fic on her but i have sosososo many more in my drafts i love her sm

who do i like writing the least ? : men.

am i taking requests ? : yes !! i do have a tracker if you wanna double check on my master list !!!

do i do emoji anons ? : yes, i do !! there r literally no spots filled i jst know my anons by the type of fics they request (i can kinda piece it tg if you request multiple versions of the same concept 😭)

do i do fic recs? : not currently, but i might in the future !

why do i write fics the way i do ? : I write fics in a hc-esque format because it's easier for me to keep my posting at a consistent pace (full form fics take time for me to complete) and I find them overall more enjoyable to write !! This doesn't mean I won't write full fics, they're just gonna be rare to see !

who do i write for ? : I write for almost anyone !! Fandoms I'll write the best for are TLOU, Resident Evil, Arcane, and COD ! If I don't know the character you're asking for, I'll try to research them and their behavior, and will try to portray them as close to cannon as I can !

what won't i write? : I won't write any x male!reader's because a.) I'm not a man, and b.) men are on my dni list ! I won't write male char. x reader's because I'm a lesbian and the writing process has to be enjoyable for me !

I also won't write dub-con, non-con, water sports, vomit (in a sexual manner)(a character being drunk or sick is fine idc), scat, forced inebriation, incest, major age gap, g!p, or vore !!

⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆⛧☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

there's no fucking way you read all that LMFAO

[iscdisc]

2012 Oroku Saki ("The Shredder") Analysis / Also kind of Hamato Yoshi ("Master Splinter") too, but mainly Saki- Lmao

I still intend on doing some art related to 2012 Shredder (Especially in the context of a Redemption Arc and him being the Uncle he should've been in Karai + the Turtles lives- 😔🫶), but I have so much to say outside of art that I thought I'd talk about him too !

Just like all my overanalyzing with 2012, I completely understand and respect the opinion that all of these points I make could be the result of poor writing + a contradicting narrative, and that there wasn't meant to be some deeper meaning to it necessarily. I just enjoy that not being the case- Lmao 👍

Oroku Saki is a complex character / villain, and that's something the writers completely squander for the sake of having a "simple and reliable" villain.

Just as the header of this portion says, the writers of 2012 completely dismiss the complexity of Saki as character and miss many opportunities to highlight how Saki isn't a "black and white" type of antagonist whatsoever. I'm not entirely sure if they had intended for Shredder to fall into such a grey area as a villain-? Which could absolutely explain why they decided not to explore his character in this way. But whether they meant to or not, that doesn't really matter to me, since I'm still going to talk about it- LMAO

I feel 2012 wanted us as the audience to think, "Shredder = Evil" and simply not read into it after that, you know? Which, if that truly was their "goal" (so to speak), they never should've given us backstory episodes like, "Tale of the Yokai" since that not only puts more focus on Shredder's motives as the main villain but also sort of has the opposite effect on people like me (lmao)-

A lot of the major events that affected Saki's life either don't get utilized very well in Saki's overall character / character writing, things that I feel would make him very "relatable" villain to the audience (In the sense that if you were in his shoes, you could understand how he got to this point in his life-), or they're used to push this "evil guy" narrative despite him being very blatantly a victim of said event in my eyes-?? Which is why I say the writers wanted him to be this "simple" and "reliable" villain for their story. This feels a lot more glaring towards the later Seasons of 2012 for me, and how despite this man very clearly being mentally ill, it felt as though the writers would rather paint that mental illness as "he's just evil". It felt especially frustrating during S4 episodes like, "The Super Shredder" (EP 20) where we see Saki trail off while saying, "He saw it..." (Referring to Tang Shen's death and him still believing it was Splinter's doing and not his own-). In this same episode, we also get Splinter acknowledging the fact that Saki isn't well and that he can help him (Which, given this show, was more likely meant as a stall tactic from Splinter but I'd like to believe he was being genuine-), as well as Saki (In his own way, I guess-) opening up to Splinter about seeing his scornful face in his nightmares,, These could have been great segways into having this kind of conversation with Saki's character in 2012, even if it was this late into the series, but of course that didn't happen because we can never have nice things with this version. 😭 /hj

Let's get into more of my analysis now !

The portrayal of Oroku Saki's life in the 2012 series:

Throughout Season 1, the most we know about Saki is his role / connection to Yoshi, which primarily revolved around the death of his wife Tang Shen and the (presumed) loss of his only daughter Miwa. In most cases where Yoshi would bring up Saki during this time, he would only focus on those particular details and nothing that really pertained to Saki's past outside of his wife and daughter. He also refers to Saki as his "old friend" rather than his (adoptive) Brother- But I don't necessarily fault the show for doing this, because I feel like that definitely would have been a lot of information very early on the story. It wasn't until the Season 1 finale that Yoshi not only learned that his daughter Miwa was alive, but also that she had been raised by Saki all this time under the name Karai instead.

During Season 2 is when Yoshi opens up a lot more about Saki and his connections to him and their past. In S2 EP 3, "Follow the Leader", Splinter finally reveals to Leo what he learned at the end of Season 1 (That Karai is his long lost daughter and that Saki took her from him all those years ago-), something that he didn't reveal to the rest of his sons for another 10 episodes ( EP 13-14, "The Manhattan Project (Parts 1 & 2) / Wormquake!"-). Then eight episodes after that, during EP 22, "Vengeance is Mine", Splinter divulges way more information than we (as the audience) have ever been given about Saki / "Shredder" during his conversation with Karai. In this episode, we learned that the Hamato Clan and Foot Clan have I've been through a centuries long feud with one another, and that Saki was adopted into the Hamato Clan as a byproduct of that feud. From that point on, him and Saki were raised alongside one another as brothers. However, when Tang Shen came into the picture, things changed between them. According to Splinter, their natural sibling rivalry festered into jealousy for Saki, and this jealousy was amplified after Saki learned of his true origins and decided to rebuild the Foot Clan and get vengeance. Splinter also claimed that after blaming him for Tang Shen's death, Saki deliberately burned their home to the ground and took Miwa (Karai) away from him.

The last time we receive a lot of context from the series in relation to Saki's past is during Season 3, specifically EP 20, "Tale of the Yokai". This episode is very different because it allows the Turtles (As well as the audience-) to witness these events first hand rather than it being told through various backstories (Which have mainly been through Splinter up until this point-). This also canonically establishes that the Turtles had a lot to do with this incredibly pivotal event in Yoshi / Saki / Tang Shen / and Miwa's lives, since they were apparently the reason why Yoshi even survived that night after their home burned down. But I digress- We get to see how Yoshi and Saki interacted with each other before the events of the series, we get to see Tang Shen alive and well for the first time (Instead of only pictures of her-), we witness Saki's dramatic change in character + when he decided he was going to rebuild the Foot Clan and get his vengeance on the Hamato Clan, and we get to see Yoshi's and Saki's altercation that resulted in Tang Shen's death. After this episode, we don't get any further context with Saki as a character, nor do we get any other important backstory elements revolving around him and his identity as The Shredder (Not even any proper flashbacks of him raising Karai and what that was like- 🫠).

Now, I was very purposefully trying to point out how that was Yoshi / Splinter's perspective when I said things like, "according to Splinter" and "Splinter claims" during his recollection to Karai in Season 2- Because in my opinion, a lot what he says here feels blatantly contradicted by, "Tale of the Yokai". I also explained the events of said episode very vaguely because in my opinion, this is how 2012 presents it. These events weren't necessarily "meant" to be dissected, especially not by our main cast of characters, the Turtles and their allies (But specifically the Turtles, given they were the only ones present for these events specifically-).

So let's break down, "Tale of the Yokai", and the various contradictions that I can see when it comes to what actually happens in this episode (As well as Saki's origins-) and the way it's recalled by Splinter in the previous Season to Karai.

Comparing "Tale of The Yokai" to Splinter's recollections throughout 2012:

• Yoshi and Saki's relationship

This is something that I don't feel was necessarily a contradiction from Yoshi's perspective. He describes them growing up alongside one another and being relatively close (Which I feel these story board flashbacks depict that better than his words do-), and to an extent, I feel like this is something Saki can agree with. Prior to Tang Shen coming into both their lives (But particularly Saki's-), it seems as though Yoshi was the only person Saki talked to more openly / freely in his life (In the sense that rank or position within the clan didn't affect their conversations. I feel like this is reflected in a lot of Saki's conversations with his allies, pre and post the events of the series-).

We can even see this potential closeness through pictures of them from the past (Specifically the image on the left, which implies that him and Yoshi served in the military together at some point-). However, where this feels contradicted during TOTY is during Yoshi's and Saki's argument while sparring after Saki protects Tang Shen from the Turtles in the woods. Saki openly calls out Splinter's devotion to the Clan, potentially to himself, and how that affects his relationship with Tang Shen. Yoshi's response to this is that that isn't true and that he's "always been there for him (Saki)". This moment is so interesting to me, for multiple reasons. First off, Saki primarily was making Tang Shen the focus of this argument, but somehow Yoshi manages to pivot the conversation it being about Saki and their relationship as Brothers. Almost like Yoshi caught on to some kind of underlying tone from Saki. Secondly, I really truly love the sincerity that comes out of Yoshi when he tells Saki he's always been there for him. Because it truly adds a lot of complexity to their relationship, as well as a lot of relationships that revolve around Yoshi / Splinter (Something I'll get into later-). Despite this sincerity though, we can tell from Saki's reaction that he disagrees with this and believes it's untrue. Which paints an entirely different picture when looking at these story boards flashbacks + the old photo of them when serving in the military. In this way, I feel like they can truly be compared to Raph and Leo. Sure, you can find a lot of moments where Raph is on good terms with Leo and laughing alongside him, but there are also a lot moments where Raph blatantly accuses Leo of not supporting him the way he supports others (Usually their Brothers-) and feeling looked down upon by Leo with his condescending / high and mighty attitude. It wouldn't be far fetched to me to believe that Yoshi and Saki had a very similar dynamic growing up. Where Saki wanted to be close with Yoshi and wanted to let him in more, but one wrong sentence or action from him would close him up again. This also could've been a glaring reminder to Saki of how different they truly are / how they were perceived by others. That Saki was always the "problem child" or the Foot Clan adoptee while Splinter was the son of the head of the Hamato Clan / destined to takeover and was a role model for their fellow ninja. This reminder would always get in the way of their relationship for Saki, since it directly affected him. Negatively. This affected Yoshi too, but more positively, which would naturally cause it to go unnoticed or dismissed by him.

There's another line from TOTY that was incredibly interesting to me, and I don't see a lot of people talking about it when discussing not only this episode but Saki and Yoshi's relationship with each other. Before those two have their pivotal fight that results in Tang Shen's death, after she leaves the premises is when Saki says something that is very interesting to me. He says, "How can one love and hate someone so fiercely?", and then he proceeds to get into his fighting stance. I can't help but feel like he was blatantly talking about Yoshi in this moment. Some could argue that he was talking about Tang Shen, since it could be possible that his view of her was shifting after she made her decision to choose Yoshi over him- But I personally don't agree (I don't think Tang Shen's passing would've affected him so deeply if that was the case- I don't even fully believe Saki could even view Tang Shen with any malice either-). This feels supported by the fact that Yoshi even responds to Saki afterwards, saying, "If your wish is to fall by my hand, Brother, then so be it-". This is another instance that I feel can be used to reflect not only Saki's relationship with Yoshi, but a reoccurring issue with Yoshi. The fact that Yoshi barely even acknowledges what Saki said here speaks to his character to me. Saki has so openly stated how he loves his brother just as much as he's grown to hate him, and yet, Yoshi doesn't even bat an eye at this. I already have the impression that Saki so rarely expresses any kind of love for anyone (Familial, platonic, or romantic-), so this naturally can be assumed to be a rare moment from him. I doubt Saki has said this to Yoshi very often, if at all. But still, there's a lack of reaction from Yoshi.

This could be explained by the situation, considering that things were very tense in that moment and of course this led to their massive fight. Maybe Yoshi it was preoccupied bracing himself for the events to come that it just slipped his mind. But this falls in line with what I was saying earlier about Yoshi / Splinter having this reoccurring behavior(s) when in comes to those he loves and cherishes in his life and how he reacts to them and their perspectives (More on this later-).

• Saki and Tang Shen's relationship

This is one of the big things Splinter sheds light on throughout the series (Specifically S1-S2) that I personally feel was very contradicted by TOTY.

For starters, from Splinter's point of view (Or narration-), he implies that him and Saki both met and fell in love with Tang Shen at relatively the same point in time. But I don't believe this to be true for a few reasons. For starters, when we see Saki and Tang Shen interact after Saki "saved her" from the Turtles, it's incredibly obvious given their conversation that they've been in a relationship before. Saki even starts the conversation of their relationship by pleading with Tang Shen to "take him back". He talks about how he's changed and grown a lot since they've been apart, which also implies that he most likely was the reason why their relationship ended or why Tang Shen made the difficult decision (probably) to end their relationship. My other reason for thinking that this isn't true is that throughout the various times that Splinter has brought up their rivalry for Tang Shen's heart, he's never once mentioned the fact that Saki was in a relationship with Tang Shen before he was. Splinter always painted this picture as though they were competing for her at the same time and that he ultimately "won" and Tang Shen stayed with him indefinitely- Which just seems blatantly false given this conversation that we see between Tang Shen and Saki in TOTY.

This leads me to believe that Saki actually met Tang Shen first. A significant amount of time before Yoshi even knew of her existence. I also wouldn't be surprised if their relationship either took place discreetly or Yoshi never truly acknowledged it in the first place. I can see Tang Shen's relationship with Saki happening privately given Saki's lack of having relatively anything to himself. His clan was taken from him when he was an infant, he was raised by the Hamato Clan without having any say in that decision either, Yoshi gained the favoritism with their Father and practically the entire clan simply for being Hamato Uta's biological son and heir to the Clan- Saki has nothing that has truly been his own at this point. So it would make sense for him to want to cherish his relationship with Tang Shen in private so that that too cannot be something that is taken from him by the Hamato Clan. Which is incredibly sad and ironic considering that that practically is what happens anyway (If this is the case-),, || However, looking at the other side of things where Saki didn't keep his relationship with Tang Shen a secret and instead was very open about their relationship, I wouldn't be surprised Yoshi didn't even acknowledge it at the time. Perhaps he didn't even truly meet Tang Shen until after their relationship had already fallen out. Hence this perspective of those two competing for Tang Shen during the same timeframe. Yoshi as a new potential partner and Saki as an ex looking for redemption and reconciliation. But that begs the question- Why would Yoshi / Splinter omit the fact that Saki had a relationship with Tang Shen prior to himself? Was it because of their scarred relationship in the present? And due to his pride, Splinter chose not to bring it up? Or does this circle back to Yoshi / Splinter's relationships with others and this proving Saki's point about Yoshi being self centered or only truly recalling information that pertains to his view point?

Regardless though, this is a huge contradiction from what Splinter had explained to Karai in Season 2 (Which made it seem as though Saki had no real relationship with Tang Shen whatsoever and was just jealous of Splinter's-), and regardless of whether that relationship was hidden or out in the open it doesn't change the fact that Tang Shen felt like another thing the Hamato Clan stole from him.

Something else that I love to talk about with Tang Shen and Saki is during her conversation with the Turtles in TOTY. The Turtles are doing their absolute best to convince Tang Shen that Saki is evil, Yoshi is good, and that her decision between Yoshi and Saki has world changing stakes. However, despite how the Turtles are talking about Saki and their potential standing with Tang Shen under the context of being Kappa (Something would reasonably sway any opinions Tang Shen has of him-), Tang Shen stands firmly in his defense. Claiming that Saki is a good man. I know we didn't get to know Tang Shen very well in this version, but from the little that we did get I have no reason to doubt that she has a good judge of character. I don't think Tang Shen was deceived by Saki or that she was in denial about him in the face of what the Turtles were telling her. I think Saki truly was a genuine person up until this point in the narrative. A genuine person who was pushed to the edge and never managed to recover,,

There's also the fact that Saki told Tang Shen that he was willing to give up the Clan lifestyle and move to New York City like she wanted to. To leave all of this behind if she would allow him to be a part of her life once again. Maybe this is just my perspective, but I don't believe Saki was being manipulative or deceitful when he said these things to her. I think he really was being honest and genuine in that moment. And not that this was Tang Shen's fault nor was it her responsibility, but I wouldn't be surprised if Tang Shen choosing Saki could have prevented such a tragedy,, Prevented Saki from becoming the Shredder and devoting his life to rebuilding the Foot Clan and gaining vengeance against the Hamato Clan.

The Turtles expressed concern and carried a sense of urgency throughout TOTY due to their friends (Casey and April-) seemingly vanishing from their lives via a photograph, presuming that this meant their timeline was altering for the worse at the notion of Tang Shen choosing Saki over Yoshi. But at the end of the day, all that was was a presumption. They didn't know for sure that that necessarily meant they were falling into a "doomed timeline" (So to speak-). If anything, I'd argue that this timeline would just make their existence null and void. If Tang Shen didn't choose Yoshi, then Yoshi and Saki wouldn't have lost her. Yoshi wouldn't have fled to New York City in his grief (And most likely longing to be close to her again in some capacity, since it was the one thing she said she wanted to do before she passed-), he wouldn't have run into the Kraang, and the Turtles wouldn't have been born. Instead, Yoshi would have most likely stayed in Japan and fulfilled his role as the new head of the Hamato Clan, while Tang Shen / Saki / and Miwa (Karai) made a new life for themselves in New York City. Leaving that chapter of their lives behind for good. If Tang Shen hadn't died by Saki's hand (unintentionally), if Saki hadn't been pushed to the edge by this entire situation, then he wouldn't have become the Shredder in the first place. He wouldn't have become so mentally ill that he literally started destroying himself. Just to get some validation for his pain and suffering,,

• Saki's Origins

Comparing the recollection that Splinter shared Karai in Season 2 to the events of TOTY shows that a lot of things seem to be omitted from the narrative by Splinter. However, I'm not entirely sure if this was done intentionally by Splinter, since I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't privy to the entire story in the same way that Saki wasn't and had to seek out said information on his own. So this potentially isn't a case of Splinter lying or hiding things, but rather him just genuinely not knowing.

From Splinter's knowledge, the Hamato Clan and the Foot Clan have had a centuries long feud between them. I personally feel the obvious implication here is that the Hamato Clan ("The Good") has been in an everlasting battle with the Foot Clan ("The Bad / Evil"), given house Splinter talks about it anyway. But-?? We don't have a lot of context on this centuries long feud to begin with. We have no idea how it started, no idea whether the Foot Clan has consistently been in the wrong in said feud either. I personally think it would be more reasonable to believe that the "bad / evil" one has been passed from side to side over the centuries. It also wouldn't surprise me if this were a situation where the feud has lasted so long that neither side can truly remember why it even began in the first place. Once again begging the question of whether or not there was ever actually truly any wrong or evil side to begin with.

There's also been many situations of morally gray "justice", where despite one group of people claiming to be good people and their actions typically reflecting that, that doesn't exempt them from doing things that sort of teeter the line of their supposed morals. I feel like this can be reflected in the Hamato Clan very clearly, to be honest. Splinter always preaches about mercy, how "in times of war to never forget compassion" (A quote from him in, "Never Say Xever"-). I truly believe that this is a value that Splinter holds, especially after the horrors he experienced with Tang Shen and the loss of his daughter. I don't believe that Splinter ever seeks death, which also felt reflected in the way he handled the situation with Saki throughout the series. However, I cannot say the same for their Father, Hamato Uta. We see from the storyboard flashbacks that they quite literally took out the entire Foot Clan, which doesn't really align with Splinter's values about showing mercy and sparing others. How can you claim to be on the right side of the situation if you're so willing to take out an entire group of people? We as the audience have no context or insight on the Foot Clan during this specific time either, so how are we to trust so blindly that they "deserved this" or that "there was no other option for them"? It's also made incredibly clear that they only spared Saki given he was an infant child, but I wouldn't be surprised if his heritage also played a part in the decision. Since we wouldn't find out until TOTY that Saki's Father was Oroku Keiji, the Head of the Foot Clan during that time (Not that that couldn't be reasonably inferred before this point, but I still wanted to bring it up timeline wise-).

This most definitely influenced a lot of his relationships and interactions within the Hamato Clan, I'm sure. Like I said in my doodle post of Saki and Tang Shen a while back, I genuinely would not be surprised if he was given "Naruto Uzumaki treatment" by most people in the Clan. But instead of not allowing that to break him and taking it on the chin the way Naruto did, he responded the opposite way which feels just as valid to me. Lmao

When Saki makes this revelation during TOTY to his supporters, they express surprise and shock at this information. Which leads me to assume that Yoshi didn't know about this at all, if other (ninja) members of the Hamato Clan didn't. I wouldn't be surprised if their Father purposely kept this information from them. I mean, why else would Saki have to seek it out on his own? His anger feels valid in this moment, I gotta to be honest. It also doesn't hold up to me that they kept this from Saki as a means of "preventing him from going down that path", since why would having that knowledge sway him a particular way? Unless Uta couldn't justify it. Unless he couldn't reasonably explain the situation. Maybe there wasn't a valid reason for the tragedy and they both knew that.

It starts to make sense why Saki is so angry at this point in the story. To be taken from his family / Clan as a infant, raised by his enemy in ignorance (A claim Saki directly makes in TOTY-), to have everything be taken from him by this enemy (Which includes Tang Shen at this point-), and for Saki to feel as though everything he did technically have came with metaphorical strings attached ("Not to bite the hand that feeds you despite you never asking for that hand specifically to feed you" type of situation-). This is why I claim that he's a relatable villain, because if you were in his shoes, you probably would be just as infuriated as he was. As pushed to the limit as he was. So the cause and effect we are taking place with Saki during TOTY truly isn't "coming from nowhere" in my eyes.

I also really appreciated the way Mikey was the only Brother out of the Turtles that even entertained the idea that Saki wasn't necessarily the guy they thought he was or that they've grown to know in the present. As always, he was shut down immediately by everyone else (🙄), but was he really wrong for that statement?? Which is kind of a rhetorical question, since 2012 Mikey's right about a lot of things very often in this series and that constantly goes overlooked and underappreciated. I'm getting a little off topic with this, but I would have really loved to see Mikey interact with Saki in some way in this episode, since he already has the kind of personality that likes to understand both sides before making any strong judgments. It would have been really interesting to see Mikey be a "devil's advocate" of sorts after getting to know Saki a little bit better. Maybe even agreeing with Tang Shen later on when she claims that Saki isn't an evil person. This also goes hand in hand with my want for Saki to have a Redemption Arc in the main storyline, and how I absolutely believe Mikey would be the most open this new relationship and dynamic of the Turtles at first. With Mikey coming from a place of sincerity towards Saki, you know? 😭

I'm going to have to do a Part 2, since I can't add any more images to this post ! ✨

[mxdarling]

[little do they know, i'm a nasty dog]

ೃ⁀➷: summary: surrounded by money, sex, and alcohol, the higher-ups can't expect childe not to indulge himself during the mission, especially with how tempting and irresistible his target is.

ೃ⁀➷: word count: 1.3k

ೃ⁀➷: reference/inspiration: n/a

[author's note:] sexual tension yes... (how the fuck do i write that HAHA) i'm sorry if this wasn't exactly what you requested, i tried, really😭😭(if you want part 2, i'll try to deliver HAHA) i also couldn't choose between kafka and tartaglia to write this for, so i had picker wheel choose for me and it landed on tartaglia (ugh ginger /j) if this is written poorly it's bcs i'm rusty from not having written anything for a fandom in a while huhu.. anyways this is my late bday gift for you, enjoy my crappy ass writing HAHA labyu genggeng <33 @wenmiyun

[warnings:] lowercase, sexual tension, they/them prns, childe describes reader's body as "sexy", spy AU, reader is shorter than childe, implied previous sexual activities, childe wears cologne, kiss scene, reader is addicted to childe's cologne, heavily suggestive, childe is freaky (and reader enables it), master/dog relationship, implied reader and childe are switches.

[If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me.]

[GN reader]

["—and most importantly, don't fuck shit up; I don't want the higher-ups getting on our asses again for a mess you caused like last time! just get the mission over with, and you'll be done in no time."]

an irritating voice echoes in childe's mind, still ringing fresh and clear like it was said to him just a few minutes ago (it has been, at least, a full hour since scara had reminded him yet again not to mess up). that voice slowly fades into background noise in his head, as well as drowns out all the sounds of people talking and music playing; his eyes focus on his lovely and tempting target of this mission.

(name), (last name), old enough to drink, has a pretty face, has a sexy body, and is the only child and heir to the family's fortunes and riches. you're standing in the middle of the room, conversing with all kinds of people, sharing a glass of red wine with them, and clinking your glass with other people, yet you still manage to be the star of the show. this isn't the first time he's gone on a mission regarding you and your family; in fact, you two share a rather… intimate history, the kind of history that would make almost everyone turn their heads in disbelief, the kind of relationship where no one else understands except the two of you, the type of dynamic that is extremely dangerous yet oh, so thrilling at the same time.

(he still remembers the first dance you two shared like it was just yesterday, he remembers the color of your eyes when you looked at him, he remembers his body moving on its own when you started to slip away into the crowd—his hand grabbing your wrist just as the music starts playing, he remembers how your waist felt in his hands, your hands resting on both of his shoulders, how close the two of you were, how both his and your hands started to wander and explore the bodies of one another—fingers trailing on every fabric surface they could reach, knowing full well the clothes the two of you were wearing were the only things keeping you and him from feeling each other's warm skin.

his hands moved downwards to your hips, gripping just a little tighter than before; your hands moved upwards to his neck, caressing every inch of his neck with your delicate fingers before resting your hands on his nape. he remembers the first words you ever said to him, "who sent you?" you said it so coldly into his ears, he could almost feel his heart breaking into pieces, well, almost. he remembers how your voice, when speaking to him, sounded so sweet, yet he knew, deep down, those pretty words coming out of your pretty lips were anything but sweet.

he remembers exactly how you got out of his tight hold—pulling him forward roughly by his tie, almost making your lips touch his, managing to catch him off guard for a split second, and successfully slipping away from him and into the crowd of well-dressed people. left him with a touch of your breath on his lips, just enough to leave him wanting more but not enough to satisfy his desires.)

he steps out of memory lane, taking a deep breath and fixing whatever looked messy on his outfit before slowly making his way towards you; he didn't want to ruin your impression of him after all.

you make brief eye contact with him as he's walking towards you, excusing yourself and moving away from the crowd you were just talking to, making the distance smaller and smaller until the two of you are standing right in front of one another. "we meet again, mister childe," you broke the silence first. despite having a faint smile on your face, your eyes tell a different story, giving the conversation and air between you two a certain tension to it. "oh come on," he whined, letting a fake frown evade his face, looking like a sulking dog who got denied their favorite treat from their owner. "you're going to call me 'mister' after our last nightly encounter?" he comments, smirking at the slight twitch in your eye and your smile becoming a little more forced than before. 

"I advise you watch your words, mister childe," you say back with a hint of annoyance; "otherwise, you'll be in a far worse position than last time." your eyes darken as you speak in an intimidating tone, quiet enough for only him to hear. "oh? is that so?" he takes a step forward and gently takes your hand into his, giving the back of your hand a soft kiss—you shiver as you feel the contact of his lips touch your skin. "if I remember correctly… you were the one underneath me last time." your eye starts to twitch again slightly, your smile faltering with each passing second, "not only that, you were undoubtedly loud too," carefully wrapping an arm around your waist, guiding you closer towards him—your hands rest on his chest area, stopping him from pulling you in any further, "…saying my name like a prayer, over and over again—mmf." he couldn't even continue his sentence before you pulled on his tie and roughly pressed your lips against his.

your hands slowly caress his chest area, making sure you accidentally brush against his sensitive areas. you smile in the kiss when you hear just the slightest of whimpers from your teasing. his lips are soft, a little cold, but soft nonetheless. just like the first time you kissed him and he still smells like herbs, it is a pleasant smell, one you would never expect to be on him. you resisted the urge to shove your tongue down his throat; the two of you were still in public after all, even if no one was paying attention to the kiss shared by you two.

you pushed against his chest, pulling away from the kiss, ignoring the raging warmth felt in your cheeks, instead putting your focus on him. "for a dog, you truly don't know how to shut up…" you whispered, your breath hitting his lips, giving him a ticklish feel hitting his skin. your eyes held definite coldness, like you're daring him to continue speaking, daring him to test your patience and make you do something rash. contrary to your eyes, his holds an undermining desire, a drunken and passionate desire, like he couldn't get enough of the kiss, of your lips, of your words, of you. "..maybe, i need more training from my owner," he whispers back, smiling gleefully, like he's asking for you to do something to him, anything, as long as he can be close to you just like this.

you narrowed your eyes on him, eyes remaining as cold as ever, carefully deciding on whether you should indulge him till he can no longer think or keep him in this state, desperate and needy, begging for more and more till he grovels at your feet for mercy. "my room, be there no later than 10," you say firmly. he opens his mouth to respond but is stopped by your finger on his parted lips. "if you beg enough," slowly your finger travels from his lips to his adam's apple, pressing it down ever so lightly, "maybe i'll let you have more than one round." you let out a smug smile, reveling in the shocked expression he's displaying before also letting out a smile. his eyes were practically twinkling at the offer; if you looked hard enough, you could almost see his tail wagging in happiness—just like a dog, a nasty one.

before he could let his excitement get the best of him, you backed away, putting space between the two of you, a frown forming on his face at the sudden distance (and at the lost contact of your body in his arm). you scanned his figure up and down, letting out a satisfied smile before turning your back towards him, "i've got guests to entertain," and walked away, leaving him alone to imagine what tonight, together with you, will give him this time.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

[pixelatedraindrops]

Yuma Month: Day 9: Love

I think that he forgot his love identity too… 💓💦

[monster-noises]

There is part of my soul that is a little Party Boy who loves to go out to Events with Lots of People and Dance and Have A Good Time and

on account of the entire rest of my personailty and the friend groups that lands me in most often

I have essentially been starving him forever and so he's always very mad at me and there's not really a huge point to this post but I think it's one of the reasons i am as Problemed as I am.

[non-un-topo]

Having conniptions in my room because I know I'm going to end up in grad school one way or another

[lemonbeemon]

Not to be sappy on main, but I will forever be a hater to people who say video games can't be a productive use of your time.

[misskamelie]

Anyway, I decided this academic year I will try to chill out and (most likely) not sign up for my master (i.e., I won't bother to run out of breath in an attempt to conclude my degree by the required deadline to sign up for my masters in a.y. 24-25). Will most likely spend this upcoming semester following a course so I don't have to do the work all by myself (+ get to actually interact and know the professor's teaching style) and consistently work on my thesis. Apart from that I will attempt to dedicate myself to music + fully get into this volunteering association I'm in (which might imply some trips around/abroad + lots of activities)

[dante-and-dragons]

Ough. Post-session fatigue is hitting harder than usual today.

[moe-broey]

I <3 blowing up my save files mid-playthrough or after I've beaten the game and feel aimless or I'm three hours in and incredibly indecisive and perfectionistic and have to start over Better this time or I just get really into One Idea and blow up the save for the sole purpose of achieving the One Idea and once I have it's like. Well. What was the point of that actually. And then I blow it up again

[fridayyy-13th]

y'all i'm like. so tired and overwhelmed right now. dare i even say sad.

[tonyglowheart]

reading thru old meta posts on qian qiu and there's like, some stuff I agree with sure but there's also a lot I don't lol. w like yan wushi especially. there's a lot of. I think too much conventional-mindedness in approaching yws even from the ppl who did like him as a character. saying he's a difficult character, and is meant to be a difficult character, but then still framing him along more conventional moral frameworks. yet another apartment 'complex'? strange, I find it quite simple moments.

[charmre]

It's very isolating being like the only person who still masks in public around campus and in my school building...

And every time I DO unmask at a rare, outside event I feel guilty, bc covid only needs to get lucky once.

But, it's so hard being heard and understood at get-togethers, makes me question the reason for going to them in general

But I need to be networking to get the most out of this master's degree and I WANT to be social, but it's just hard