#i want these very specific ones but i finished them a few days ago :(

[911onem]

Hey you!

Yeah, you. I heard you were thinking about reading something angsty. Can I offer you a fic from my drafts?

————

Buck was sitting in his jeep, frowning heavily at his phone as he waited impatiently for it to ring. He was supposed to be meeting Tommy tonight, more specifically half an hour ago, but the phone hadn’t rung and his calls had gone ignored. Matter of fact, he had called twice and they both went straight to voicemail, and he knew his boyfriend’s phone was never off for Tommy was too paranoid to be unreachable at any given time day or night.

This evening they had planned to meet at the house for dinner after shift, they both got off within an hour of each other and they agreed to meet in the driveway, last one to get home, the one to drive to the restaurant. Buck had brought his clothes with him to work, showered and ready to go as soon as shift was over. His team had teased him, Eddie with his whistles and Hen with a comb fixing up his hair as he tried to rush out the door.

“Hen-”

“Buck, you look nice, but you have to do something about these curls.” She sighed, fingers reaching out for finishing touches as he rolled his eyes playfully.

“Tommy loves my curls-”

“Yeah, we know. He’s always running his fingers through them, it's why they’re always so unruly.”

He sat still for just a few minutes more before pulling away, ignoring Chimney’s snicker from across the bay.

“Enjoy your date, Buckaroo! If you choke on bread again, at least me and Eddie will be here collecting over time to save you!”

He flipped them off as he walked past the engine, picking up his pace and racing to the jeep that he sped off in as soon as his key was in the ignition. His drive had been rather quick and within the hour he was seated in the driveway, still waiting for the familiar headlights to pull up behind him.

They lived on a very quiet street, so there was not a lot of traffic passing through, but every flash of light he swore it was the familiar truck, which only left him more disappointed.

“Babe, where are you?” He mumbled softly to himself, hand tightening around his cellphone as his head slammed back gently across the seat. His entire body was restless, he wanted to see his boyfriend as soon as possible, and he reached to turn up the radio to distract himself as best as he could.

He sat for an hour before his phone rang.

He frowned, seeing Eddie’s name and sighing heavily before swiping his finger across the screen. He didn’t have time for the man right now and honestly, he was growing ansty just sitting here waiting. Tommy was probably stuck on a call, so why not just meet him at Harbor? Shoving the car into drive he hooked his arm around the back of the passenger seat, sliding out of the driveway and making his way down the road. There had been many times Buck had been stuck at work unable to contact anyone to cancel plans or let them know he’d be late, so he wouldn’t mind just waiting at the station. It would make him feel a lot better waiting there than in his own driveway thinking up endless scenarios, or growing angry for reasons beyond either of their control.

By the time he got on the highway he found himself immediately in traffic, classic Los Angeles style. He let his fingers dance across the steering wheel, letting out a sigh as he got comfortable. At least this way they could avoid this traffic going out, the restaurant was close to his station anyway, so this could save them a little bit of time.

He sat in the line of cars for about half an hour when he saw the flashing lights, frowning at the clear signs of an accident. There was more emergency response on scene than a standard call, drawing him to turn down his music and stick his head a little further out the window. He heard his phone ring again, looking down and seeing Eddie’s name and picture pixelated across the screen.

“Hey, Eds-”

“Buck.”

He felt himself freeze, the sound of Eddie’s voice sending a shiver down his spine. In the small patch of silence he heard a siren, eyes lifting back toward the flashing red and blue lights in front of him.

“What happened?”

“Buck, it's Tommy.”

He didn’t let himself speak, body growing numb as a police car flew up the median to his left. The farther it got from his car, the louder he heard it through the phone and he shoved the car into park, leaving his phone on call as he flung open the door. Each step closer had his legs shaking, face losing color as he forced himself down the side of the highway. The loud wails of sirens were practically calling his name, begging him to pick up his pace and by the time he saw the familiar engine he was reaching screaming out Tommys name.

He saw Eddie first, the man still had his phone to his ear, but dropped it almost instantly. It hit the ground as he raced over, shoving Buck backward and shaking his head.

“Buck-”

“Where is he?” He begged, trying to look around the engine, but not having a clear angle.

“Chimney’s working on him now, you can’t go over there.”

The hand on his shoulder was strong, a clear warning for him to stay back, but he refused. He ignored the pleading in Eddie’s gaze, shoving him just as hard and he took the second of Eddie’s tumble to push his way toward the center of the car wreck.

And it was bad.

He saw the remains of Tommys truck and couldn’t fight the sob that had flooded its way up his throat. The vehicle was completely totaled, crushed between the median and two other cars on all sides. He could see Chimney on the hood of another truck, leaning over the open window and struggling to find an angle to get inside. He looked panicked, shouting for help as he struggled to get the rest of the glass out of the way to get to Tommy. Buck wanted to fall to his knees and pray, to beg anyone listening to save his boyfriend- but, he was a firefighter. He didn’t have time to waste and he reached toward the nearest truck, grabbing the jaws and racing over to the truck.

By the time he was close enough for Chimney to see he noticed the blood, growing nauseous of how much of it there was splattered across the windshield.

“Buck?”

Chimney looked like he’d seen a ghost, frozen as his brother-in-law came around the side of him and jumped onto the same car.

“What happened?”

Buck finally got a view into the car and-

Tommys eyes were closed.

His body was paler than Buck had ever seen him, the side of his head was dripping blood quickly, chest against the steering wheel unconscious and unmoving.

“What the hell happened?” He shouted, shaking Chim from his stupor before the paramedic shook his head, shoving Buck away and reaching for his radio.

“Cap, I need you here now- Buck you can’t be here!”

Buck couldn’t speak, vision growing blurry as he moved forward, pressing for a pulse as he gently tried shaking Tommy awake.

“Babe? Wake up! Tommy!”

There was a hand on his arm, trying to tug him backward, but it wasn’t until Bobby was there that his captain’s arms were around his waist, pulling him so hard he lost his balance, falling into the man’s chest.

“What are you doing here-”

“Let me go!” He demanded, struggling as another set of hands were piling on him, dragging him toward the engine as a paramedic rushed to help Chimney.

“What happened? I need to help- he’s alive! He had a pulse! I need to get in there!”

He watched Bobby open the door to the engine, trying to shove him inside with a shake of his head.

“You can’t be here- Buck, you can’t help him! You’ll only get in the way!”

“It's my job!”

“Not right now!” Bobby’s voice boomed, loud and with no room for argument, shoving him hard enough to where he found himself in a seat, sobbing as he felt himself begin to panic.

“You need to let us do our job!”

“He’s my-”

“I know! Sit down and wait here!”

“Bobby-”

“Wait here!” The door slammed closed, the argument coming to an abrupt end as Buck fell backward onto the chair. His hands rushed to his face, fingers latching against his hair as he let out another sob. The images of the truck were stuck in his mind, the idea of Tommy being in the middle of that terrifying him and he needed to help- but, his legs wouldn’t move. His entire body was trembling, vision completely blurred as he got lost inside his head, already planning a life without Tommy.

[thecherrygod]

currently thinking about lighthouse keeper hdb and ship captain kim kitsuragi................

like.. look. hes in the lighthouse. alone. only company his skills and some alcohol to also keep himself warm in the winter. most interactions he has are the people that he gets stuff for his own survival. dora's been out of the picture for a looooooong time now, he wasnt around often, the pay isnt relayable, and every time she met him he was worse, so she left. all he has is himself, and the lighthouse.

there are times in which the light will reflect on the fog in the ocean, and he will see her in there, as if she was a guardian angel with long blonde hair who would take any ship coming nearby into her hands as toy boats, and she could decide if theyd make it to safety, or if shed just drown it on a whim. all he can do is manifest her with the lights, but her actions are her own.

and then theres kim, the diligent captain of a ship that has all the love in his heart, something he can use to move through fog and pale alike without losing himself to his surroundings, always ready to make sure him and as many as his men survive what the sea has to offer them, but he knows its dangerous, all of them do, everyone is ready to lose their lives if it comes to it. storms and tides and an inavility to see through the weather, they are all ready to manouver the ship or die trying.

thankfully at the worst times, theres always a helping hand, a guiding light helping him move in the right direction, making sure hes able to keep them as safe as possible even through the worst storms and the densest of fogs hes ever seen.

[piassportjacke]

hey! who ate all my sweets? (it was me)

[6okuto]

EARLY PROMISE

gn!reader | 1.3k words, you see the ring iwaizumi wants to propose with a little (very) early

there’s a box behind shirts that iwaizumi no longer wears in his closet.

maybe that’s why you’ve never seen it before. you never would have, were you not given permission to look for clothes to donate while he went on a run.

it’s small, velvet, and inside there’s a ring that, any other day, you would have lingered to watch for as long as possible at a jewelry store.

but you’re not at the mall, nor are you currently being proposed to. you’re at home, standing alone while your stomach churn, and fingers tremble as you stare at the box in your palm where, right now, it decisively should not be. “fuck.”

“babe?”

the sound of the door and his keys accompany hajime’s voice from the entryway. if you listen closely, above your heartbeat pounding in your ears, you can hear him kick off his shoes—them hitting the step that he’s tripped on a few times after long nights with friends and drinks.

he shouldn’t be home yet.

you will your voice to work. “yeah?”

“you looking through the closet already?”

“...yeah?” there’s a questioning lilt at the end as your eyes scan around, his engagement ring—your engagement ring?—still in your hands.

and you know the pattern of hajime’s walk. you know his usual pace, how the floorboards creak as he walks down the hall toward your bedroom. he’s steady—slippers sometimes dragging across the wood if he’s tired, quiet in the morning when he thinks you’re still asleep.

today his footsteps come closer, a little faster, a little heavier than usual.

you assume it’s from the same nerves as yours.

“i forgot, there’s, uh, some shirts i’m keeping that i don’t want—”

hajime opens the door and spots you easily, standing in the middle of the closet as if you were the worst criminal alive, caught stealing in broad daylight.

you to see.

“to throw away,” he finishes, shoulders dropping. his voice quiets to a whisper, “shit.”

silence circles the both of you.

the velvet feels warm in your palm—much heavier than it was a moment ago. you wish you had an analogue clock in your room instead of hajime’s digital. maybe its ticking could take off some of the weight you feel at the sight of him standing a few feet away. maybe you could stare down its hands, listen to its rhythm, let it guide your breathing instead of standing with bated breath, chest unmoving while hajime’s rises as he catches his own.

seconds pass and you flounder, mouth opening and closing while you stand across from each other, neither sure who should speak first.

you don’t think this is how proposals are supposed to go.

your eyes flicker to the still open drawer to your right.

and you walk over, crouch to put the box where it was, pat the old obscure band t-shirt at the top of the pile in front of it, close the drawer, and go back to stand where you were, hands clenched into fists on your sides.

hajime blinks.

“did you really just put it back?” he asks, a little breathy as if he wants to laugh.

you look to the wall beside him then back at his face, as if you could be confused about his question. “...put what back?”

and this time, hajime really does laugh. and then he shakes his head, the way he does when you ask a silly question. “hon—”

“no, no, i’m not—you—that was—” you shake your head and frown. you wish his laughter would comfort you the way it always does, but you think you need to let guilt stay, gnaw for a little while longer. “this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”

he tilts his head and smiles, just a little. “you’re telling me.”

“hajime.” you purse your lips. “i’m sorry. i feel like i just ruined whatever you were planning.”

hajime huffs and walks toward you, arms reaching out to hold yours. his hands are cool from the morning air, and goosebumps cover your skin as his touch runs from your elbows to your hands, where his fingers find their place in between yours. he’s looking down at them as he speaks—the ones that had held the box, to be specific. “it’s okay, it’s not your fault i forgot. plus i decided to run back a block instead of just texting or calling.”

“you panicked.”

“obviously.”

letting go of one hand, you lightly push his chest. but his hand follows, this time holding you to his heart. you give him a look. “i would’ve done the same thing if i was as fast as you. and i don’t know, i could’ve checked somewhere else. or closed my eyes. or wiped my memory.”

“you would’ve checked eventually, and closing your eyes is not effective for what you’re doing.”

“mind wipe would’ve been okay?”

“how would i have known?”

“...the mind wipe-y gun in my hand.”

he snorts. “what? it keeps a little history of your memory wipes?”

“i don’t know, maybe they have those. do you have one?”

“we’re getting off topic,” hajime chides, though there’s no real anger behind his lopsided smile and tilt of his head.

you sigh. there’s no average way of dealing with the topic of exposed proposal plans, so the best you can offer is a small, closed mouth smile of your own. “...you really wanna marry me?”

he reaches to squish your cheeks. “no, that’s for the other person i’ve been dating since high school and live with while you’re asleep.” you roll your eyes and clasp your hand over his.

“of course i wanna marry you. i’ve wanted to marry you for years,” he says with ease, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“well,”—you fidget—“that’s good to know.” your reply is soft, and you will yourself to ignore the warmth that creeps up your neck and face. your eyes fall to where hajime’s thumb rubs the back of your hand, if only to avoid his gaze. “i...can i ask how you were thinking of proposing or is that weird? or maybe you shouldn’t tell me so you can still do it.”

he pauses.

you look at him. “hajime?”

he tenses at his name, sucking in his bottom lip before answering. “well, i was kind of leaving that part of the plan for later—”

“i didn’t even let you plan the proposal?”

“—but if you think about it,” he continues, already aware of how you’d react, “you just saved me a bunch of anxiety by implying you’d say yes.”

your mouth falls open, hands moving away from his. “i already knew i fucked up our engagement, but i really did fuck up our engagement.”

“you didn’t fuck up our engagement,” hajime breathes out your name as he moves to hold your shoulders.

your head falls forward, landing against his shoulder. “i fucked up our engagement so bad.”

your boyfriend, your sweet boyfriend who always seems to come out of situations calmer than you, snickers, and you hit his chest half-heartedly.

“why are you laughing, oh my god—”

“i’m not laughing—”

“shut the fuck up, you’re laughing—”

“i’m sorry—you just, you didn’t fuck anything up, okay?” his laughter quiets as his arms wrap around you. “i can still propose and keep it a surprise, and i’m pretty sure it’s better you found out while i wasn’t in the middle of the plan, yeah? we just…know your answer already which, seriously, is a relief, so stop beating yourself up for something that wasn’t your fault.”

silence wraps around the both of you again—softer this time. an extra comfort intertwined with hajime’s voice and arms holding you.

moving away to look at him, you let out a deep breath. “okay, but i still feel bad.”

“babe—”

“as if you wouldn’t feel bad,” you retort, which your boyfriend responds to with nothing but a look that says you’re right. “is there anything i can do to make up for it?’

he hums and taps your hips, thumbs fitting perfectly against you. “promise to say yes when i actually propose?”

and this time it’s your turn to laugh, though it’s more a puff of air followed by rolling eyes and a kiss to his cheek. “i can probably promise that.”

little nia luvring comeback Bc my brain Sounds Like a garbage disposal + nails on a chalkboard And only these fictional characters r keeping me going. Hope u all thought of me for a moment the past 2/3 months

@devilgirlcrybabiey @lordbugs @smiithys @xfangirl-trashx @passionateuchiha @scaramouchesfootstool @fifteenshadesofpinkk @chloee0x0 @kenmaslov3r @bakugosgrenade @sakusasdirtyragdoll @dai-tsukki-desu @momoewn @dazaisfavgf @simpforerenn @crystal-lilac @idontlikeyourjob @sparrowb3nscloset @awkwardaardvarkforever @rory-cakes @prblmtic @kuroaka @sunaslay @h0n3ysgh0st @lackey-laufeyson @bontensbabygirl @dira333 @spooky1magazine1bread @lilithlunas @anime-ships-gay @todorokiskitten @kellesvt @tooruchiiscribs @curiouslilbeast @fiona782 @cvhenia @mitskiologist @libbyistired @milkbreadforlife @itsukkie @sirimirihiro @mylahrins @aria-chikage @heyitstial

[saltnsugarbear]

the ones I picked out for you in Tokyo (18+)

summary: Carmy wants to be pretty for you!

title from: "Guess" by Charlixcx featuring Billie Eilish

word count: 3.1k

content warnings: smut MDNI!!!! Boys in panties, afab reader genitalia, sub!carmy I suppose technically, probably maybe ooc carmy but I don't care oh well, palming, not quite oral but close (m!receiving), dry humping?, reader is called baby several times, smallest pinch of praise kink, I think I got everything?

side note: dedicated to my beloved @carmenberzattosgf !! approximately three to four months ago this was the first idea I'd pitched to her, and now I am here! kisses for my dear <3 ily darling olive!

Carmy had already approached you about the idea. Not very smoothly, you'd add. And it's not that he approached you, you had to sit him down in order to get an answer.

You already had some sort of inkling to the idea. The way he would eye the underwear section of a store or your underwear in the drawer or laundry.

At first you thought he just had a particularly active imagination and specific preference for what he wanted to see you in.

And sure, he loved seeing you in a soft lace pair, little bows on the side. It drove him crazy.

Carmy just didn't have the same yearning look in his eyes when he saw you in them.

You actually brought this up to him a handful of months into your relationship. He very quickly assured you that wasn't the case, and further proved how much he loved them. By spending hours between your legs.

When Carmy would look at the lacey underwear on a display he had this look of wistfulness instead of imagined hunger. He made certain faces at a texture he didn't like and shook his head as if he had been considering them.

More recently you had addressed it during lunch on one of his days off.

The two of you were sitting together at the table when you decided to brace yourself for the conversation.

You had gotten up, taking the dishes from your lunch with you to the sink.

When you came to sit back down, you took his hands in yours and rubbed your thumb over his knuckles, being mindful of his most recent knick.

Carmy looks at you, furrowing his brow a little and tilting his head, fighting a smile.

"Can I ask you something, bear?"

Carmy hums and nods as he studies your face. You can see some of the anxiety working its way into his features.

"It's not bad. It's not bad." You start to reassure him. "Just um... Just something I wanted to ask about... And you don't have to.. feel obligated into answering.."

You worry your lip between your teeth. Carmy taps his own thumb against your knuckles and you swallow your own nerves.

"Would you..." You take a deep breath in. "Do you want to wear panties?"

You study Carmy's face as you finish your question. His face goes through several different emotions, you can see the anxiety in his eyes.

"I'm not trying to corner you, or make you upset. I've... I've just noticed that there's a different look in your eyes when you see them on a display, which you assured didn't have to do with me, so this seemed like the only other option?" You bite the inside of your cheek and can see understanding dawn on Carmy.

"So I figured, if we had a talk about it, and if you agreed, I could take some of your measurements and get you a few pairs... If that's what you wanted. But I don't want you to think-"

"Yes." Carmy says it so assuredly that you're almost shocked. You watch as he swallows down any reservations he might have had before and nods.

"I um.. Yeah, I- I would.." Carmy inhales deeply and nods, for extra affirmation.

You smile at him and nod, "Okay.. Okay, I can get that down."

Carmy nods and looks at your conjoined hands.

"This... This doesn't change anything, by the way." You tilt your head to try and catch his eye. Carmy looks up at you, and you nod at him. "There's nothing wrong with this."

Before he can argue, and to solidify it, you give him a short kiss on the lips. You quickly move to place kisses on his nose and cheeks and around his eyes.

Once you start placing kisses on his eyelids Carmy starts giggling under you.

You smile at him and bring your hands to hold his face.

"I love you so much, Carm." You study his eyes. "So, so much."

"Love you too, baby.. So much." Carmy moves to kiss you sweetly. Slowly he pulls you onto his lap, causing the kiss to become a little sloppier. He moves his hand too quickly, not accounting for the table and you can hear when he hits it.

"Fuck-" Carmy pulls away to look at his hand. "Son of a bitch.."

"Aw, poor baby." You look down at his hand and then back up at him. "Want me to kiss it better?"

You let a little bit of amusement slip into your voice.

"As if.." Carmy mutters as you giggle a little. He gives you a glare that has no heat to it as you smile at him.

"Come 'ere.." He cups your jaw, swallowing your giggles in a kiss.

You cannot wait to get him dressed up.

You suprise him with his first pair a week and a half later. Using the measurements you had taken of him you found one you thought would fit him nicely as well as a color that would compliment his features.

You got it packaged in a slim black box, wrapped with tissue paper on the inside of it. A simple, sleek silk black bow tied it together.

You left the box on your bed, with a card that had his name written on it. Carmy wasn't expected to be back until late in the afternoon a you had some errands you needed to run for the house. Ideally it would be timed for you to arrive home after Carmy did, in time for him to take in the context of the box.

When you did arrive home, you found Carmy sitting on the bed, box in his hands. You discarded your wallet and keys on your dresser as you made your way over to him and stood between Carmy's legs.

Carmy looks up at you, letting the box rest against your legs.

"Have you opened it yet?" You asked as you brought your hand to his head and carded your fingers through is hair.

"Uh... Yeah." Carmy whispers as he leans into your touch, face a little flushed.

"What do you think?" You tilt your head to the side when he drops his gaze down to the box. Carmy moves his hands to the backs of your thighs and pulls you closer to him. When he looks back up, he's able to rest his chin against your stomach.

"I like 'em." He says softly, averting his eyes as you watch the blush work it's way to the tips of his ears.

You smile down at him and move your hand so you can rub your thumb along his cheekbone.

"Do you wanna try them on?" You whisper, offering him an out in case this isn't something he wants.

Though you're pretty sure it is.

Carmy nods as he leans into your touch. You smile down at him and kiss him, soft and sweet. When you pull away he trails after you, you tug gently at his roots to keep him in place.

"Go put them on, baby." You give him a quick kiss on the cheek before you pull away from him.

Carmy watches you for a moment as you head over to your dresser, unbottoning your shirt and putting on an old t-shirt.

Once you start to remove your jeans, Carmy gets up and crosses to the ensuite, closing the door behind him.

When you're done, only in your t-shirt and own underwear, you sit down in the same spot Carmy had been in. You can hear him shuffling around in the bathroom. There's a muttered, "Fuck.." before you hear the lock click and watch the door start to open.

The view that greets you is greater than you could have ever imagined, and you had imagined it a lot.

You drag your gaze across Carmy's body. He's stood in the door frame to the bathroom, awkwardly fidgeting with the waistband of his underwear.

His panties, to be more specific. The ones that match his eyes perfectly and look beautiful against his skin.

It's mouth watering, the view of a little bow right above where he's managed to cover his half hard cock with thin blue lace.

"This is weird.... I- I don't know why-" Carmy starts, every obviously anxious under your gaze.

You're quick to stop him though, bolting up from the bed and holding your hands out as you walk towards him. Carmy puts his hands out for you to grab and you hold them gently before you move them behind his back.

"You look so pretty, bear." You tell him, and start pressing kisses along his jaw, moving down to his neck.

"Re-" Carmy clears his throat and you can feel the vibrations on your lips. "Really..?"

"Mhmm.." You hum as you slowly begin to trail the kisses down his shoulders.

When you reach his chest you make sure to pay extra attention so his pecs, pressing kisses and suckling on his nipples briefly until he groans above you. You make sure to leave bites and kisses along his abdomen as you move down to his waistband and rest on your knees.

You make sure to pay extra attention to the skin around his waistband; along his hips, stomach, and thighs. Leaving little kisses and bite marks that will bruise in the morning. Paying special attention to the vein along his right hip, you hear him moan quietly above you. You duck down to start leaving kisses and bites along the plains of his thigh.

"Fu- Fuck.." Carmy inhales above you when you leave a particularly harsh bite along his inner thigh. Quickly, you place a soothing kiss over it before moving to his other thigh and repeating the same action.

When you're done, you lean back and take in his face looking down at you. Carmy has moved his hands to hold on the doorframe, using it to keep himself upright.

Carmy's eyes are half-lidded and his mouth is out as he breaths heavily above you. The view is pure sin, from the look on his face to heaving of his kiss bitten chest to his happy trail leading you to the baby blue bow of his panties.

You bring your hand to his hip, sliding your thumb under his waistband to rub over the soft skin there. Carmy shudders as you start to place feather light kisses around his happy trail. When you look up, you can see his stomach flexing as he keeps himself from rutting against your face.

You smile up at him, knowing you have that glimmer in your eyes that drives Carmy insane. Before he can process the look properly, you drag your tongue from where the head of his cock presses against lace to the base of him. This time Carmy can't help himself as he bucks up into your mouth before you quickly remove yourself.

The whine Carmy lets out has you adjusting yourself to apply some sort of pressure to your core. This man is going to be the death of you.

From where your thumb sits under his waistband, you pull it taut before letting it go, letting it snap against Carmy's hip. The way Carmy inhales is delightful and you can't help but grin up at him.

"Go lay down for me, pretty boy.." You pat his thigh softly and move out of the way for Carmy to walk past you.

Carmy is awkward in his movements, you can see the slight embarrassment in them still. The view of his ass in the panties is almost as good as the one from his front. The lace fabric barely covers all of him and you can see where it digs slightly into the flesh.

When he sits down is when you stand back up. You watch as Carmy lays back, bringing his hands to fidget with the little bow when he looks at you.

You can hear him breathe in and shudder when you sit on his right side. As you brace yourself on your hand, you don't think you've ever seen Carmy this malleable. It was very rare when Carmy let himself give up control like this, but you were patient in waiting for him to get to this point in your relationship.

The color of Carmy's eyes no longer match the color of his panties, but you can hardly seen them with how diluted his pupils are. Carmy leans into your touch when you weave your right hand into his hair, bracing yourself on your forearm.

The noises Carmy makes as you trail your hand down his chest are nothing short of heavenly. By the time you tug at his waistband he's panting, you can feel the air on your lips whenever he exhales.

"You're so worked up and all I've done is kiss you..." You tease him with a tug at his roots. Carmy's face is flushed and its making it's way down his neck and shoulders.

You take in the way his eyes roll back into his head when you begin to palm over his erection. The strangled groan he lets out is sinful and has you shifting your hips slightly.

Carmy brings you into a sloppy kiss, letting you quickly take control of it. He whines softly when you nip at his lower lip and gently suck along the spot to make up for it.

You pull back from the kiss, taking in Carmy's expressions. When you tug gently at his hair, the whine he let's out is hungry.

Carmy breathes heavily against your lips as you grind your palm over his bulge. When you grip him through his panties, you watch as he bucks his hips into the friction.

When you start to mimic jerking him off through his panties, the moans he lets out are positively filthy. It's endearing the way Carmy tries to keep kissing you between the moans he's releasing.

"Please.. Fu-Fuck, please baby.." Carmy doesn't even know what he's begging for at this point.

"You're so pretty like this Carm..." You whisper, massaging lightly at his scalp. The praise mixed with the actions of both your hands makes Carmy whimper next to you, his eyes shut as he leans up in an attempt to kiss you again.

Your heart feels like its going to burst as you take in the sight. Carmy giving himself to you completely, letting himself be in such a vulnerable situation makes you want to smother him with kisses.

Which you start to do. You start placing little kisses along Carmy's jaw, making sure to only leave a bruising kiss in the juncture under his ear. Carmy sounds breathy is damn near whining above you as you move to start leaving sharp kisses along his neck.

"Holy shii-" Carmy gasps when you accidently scratch over his bulge with your nails, the friction of lace dragging against his skin almost overwhelming. You look up at his face, his head pushed back into the mattress

"Holy fucking shit... Holy sh-" Carmy cuts himself off when you drag your nails along the head of his cock through the lace. He's all but gasping for air as you watch him lose his mind over the friction. You can tell he's close to his end with the way his hips stutter against your hand.

"Aw, bear, you're gonna make a mess of your pretty panties.." You pout at Carmy and watch his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallows. You drag some of the lace over his slit and watch as he keens, hips bucking up into the friction.

"Please, please, please baby, please.." At this point Carmy is just babbling. You can tell he's moments from his climax in the way he's begging and writhing. One of his hands is holding your wrist in place and he ruts into your palm, simply using your hand as a means for his release.

The sight is beautiful. Your boyfriend using your hand to get himself off, the only thing on his mind is to chase his own orgasm at any means.

The groan Carmy lets out is loud and borderline pornographic when you feel his cum shoot into the lace fabric. Begrudgingly, you tear your gaze from Carmy's face to take in the sight of him releasing his load into the baby blue panties, now becoming a deep cerulean.

As you help Carmy ride out his high, you watch silently as Carmy comes undone. His mouth is agape, some of his curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. Once it seems like he's pushing his hips farther into the mattress from overstimulation, you remove your hand and wipe any excess release onto your t-shirt.

Carmy lays still on the mattress afterwards, his pupils blown and lips puffy. Slowly he reaches for you, and you can see his thought process on his face.

It makes you chuckle, after having a mind numbing orgasm, all he can think about is your pleasure. Having his mouth on you, letting you know how much he loves you and appreciates you. Worshipping you, his altar between your thighs.

You grab his wrists, bringing them to rest against his chest.

"So.." You take in Carmy's appearance, he looks thoroughly fucked out. "What do you think?"

All Carmy can do is nod at you vehemently. He breaks your hold on him and gently grabs at your waist. You let him maneuver one of your legs over his hips. He lets out a little moan once you're straddling his hips, sitting right above the waistband of his panties.

"Need your words, bear.." You tap his cheek softly as he stares up at you, with what could only be named as love and adoration in his eyes.

"S good. So, so good, baby.." Carmy's words are a little slurred. "Made me feel.... fuckin' incredible.."

Carmy sits up, causing you to slide back on his half-hard erection. You inhale and chuckle at his enthusiasm.

"Could make you feel even better though.." Carmy whispers against your lips, his eyes half-lidded. You can't fight the grin that makes its way onto your lips.

"You really think so?" You challenge him.

"Know so..." He responds before bringing you into a kiss that has you groaning into his mouth.

With the way Carmy is kissing you, you already know it's going to be a long night.

[mnnuni]

Into you

Elliot Stabler x reader

Summary: an undercover operation that exposes some other kind of secrets

Words: 4498

Warnings: mentions of drugs, eventual smut -but very filthy-

Author's note: first of all, sorry if it's too long. Second, yes it is based on Ariana's song, or at least the movie it started in my head when I heard the song on shuffle. Little note in the note: this story is not necessarily in any time and place of the series, I just included Munch and Cassidy because I'm (kinda re)watching season 1 and I love them so much.

* gif and images from Pinterest

* dividers from @cafekitsune

"You're sure you want to do this?"

(Y/N) couldn't say how many times Olivia had already asked her that question, in different ways and places of the district.

She inhaled, closed her eyes

You can do it

"I'm sure Liv, don't worry"

Her colleague smiled at her through the mirror, "then let's finish this make up".

Their team was organising an undercover operation in a fancy club, it was an easy thing : go in, find the drugs, go out.

Of course there was a little detail that determined how the operation was gonna be; this club had a high standard for its clientele and specific rules they had to follow, number one being : "only couples allowed".

Now, the easy take was to send the infamous Benson and Stabler and call it a day, but Olivia couldn't because she had too many extra hours covered already. The next couple would have been (Y/N) and Cassidy, if Munch wouldn't have explained for ten minutes straight how Brian wasn't ready to do a thing like that.

So that left her to work with Elliot.

If it was a normal job (Y/N) wouldn't have worries of any kind, Elliot was a good cop and she trusted him with her life; but going out in a club made for sex and whatnot, faking being the girlfriend of the coworker she so desperately wanted ... that was another thing. That was also the reason why Olivia was so concerned for her, she was the only one that caught (Y/N) staring at her partner in a different way someday -at least she hoped so, even if the others could have known they never said anything-

Elliot was done dressing up ten minutes ago and everyone was growing bored to wait for the women.

"You done playing, ladies?" Munch started screaming and pounding on the door of the locker room, "come on we don't have all night".

When the duo got out the first thing the men noticed were (Y/N)'s legs : she wore a deep blue-almost black dress, it almost reached the knees on the right leg and was shorter on the left. Cassidy whistled when his eyes travelled up her figure and landed on her chest, tightly held up by the dress straps. (Y/N) did a spin, moving her curled hairs in the process and showed her half-bare back.

"Well Miss (Y/L/N) can surely do the work"

"Thank you Much", she was trying so hard not to fumble dressed like this in front of her colleagues, but they didn't have to know that.

"Y-you have, um, I can see your lace" Cassidy said pointing at her upper body, he tried to smirk and be flirty but he got too caught up when (Y/N) got closer "It's intentional Brian, now don't get too flustered". Munch chuckled and his partner was about to defend himself when Cragen cleared his throat and announced they were ready to go.

Elliot was the only one to not say a single word. Noone knew that was because his brain short circuited for a moment seeing (Y/N) like that.

I'm so into you

I can barely breathe

Even in the car to the club he remained silent, too caught up in his head, until they were almost there and (Y/N) was about to explode "now that we're still off, are you okay?" ; her voice startled him for a moment, he nodded and mumbled a sure and kept driving. Five minutes later they were parking.

Elliot took a big breath and finally turned to face her, "okay, so, if someone or something triggers you at any moment for any reason, you tell me and we're out" she nodded and then saw their van stopping few meters away so she leaned in to Elliot and searched in his jacket to switch the microphone, "do you hear us?", someone in the van switched the headlights on and off to answer her, "let's go then"

Elliot got out of the car and went to open the door for her, proceeding to take her arm in his to walk to the club. At the entrance there were two big men with the guest lists, "Stabler", he looked at them for a moment then checked his papers. It was a strangely nice feeling to be part of the "Two for Stabler", (Y/N) wanted to feel like this for real not just for a job.

The man stepped aside and opened the door for them; the first thing they saw was the wardrobe where (Y/N) left her jacket, then they were guided to a red lit corridor that ended to a glass door. There they were, in the middle of the upper class most scandalous nights, they were walking arm in arm between politicians, rich entrepreneurs and whores.

They walked to the bar to have a full view of the room: in the centre there was a little stage for the dj and the eventual singers, all around there were occupied tables, at the left side there were sort of cabins to be more private and to the right big glass doors that they knew took to the private rooms.

(Y/N) was the one facing the bar, counting all the staff members while Elliot, next to her, scanned the rest of the room to search their suspects.

"What can I get you, beautiful?"

(Y/N) was sure the bartender talked to her just because he was mere inches apart from her face, otherwise she wouldn't have think he would have flirted with her, while at work.

Elliot turned in an instant, placing his arm around her back "she would have a Martini, and a soda for me" he was shooting daggers to the poor man, who instantly backed away to do their orders.

(Y/N) was looking at him with a clear expression of "was that necessary?" and he just got closer to her, "what? You're mine tonight"

Her eyebrows shot up so fast she thought she was losing them; Elliot too was a little surprised by his choice of words, even if he so desperately wanted them to be true and not just for tonight.

But close ain't close enough

'Til we cross the line, hey, yeah

So name a game to play

And I'll roll the dice, hey

(Y/N) smirked and turned to face him, "you should..." she bit her lip and unbuttoned his shirt a little "I think it's better like this"

The bartender came back with their glasses before Elliot could say anything, "thank you" she looked at his tag "Brandon" he smiled and was about to go back to work but (Y/N) reached out and took his hand "excuse my boyfriend here, he's not used to share me" he smiled "no I'm sorry, I didn't gather you two were..." Elliot brought her to his chest "together? Yes"

"Tell me Brandon, is there a way we could use your private services?"

Elliot knew that they had to, but oh was he nervous to be in a bedroom with her.

"Did you make a reservation?"

She shook her head, "don't worry, you can wait at one of the private tables. One of us will call you when you can go in the rooms", he then guided them to the right side of the club.

To any possible looker these two were one of the other couples tangled in eachother, waiting for a new experience. In reality (Y/N) had her legs on Elliot's ones to be more closer and be clearly heard in the microphone, she was describing every customer to whoever was listening to them in order to have a complete list of witnesses, just in case. She drank a little and then went to play with Elliott's shirt's collar; he had one of his hands gripping her thighs and the other arm around her, laid on the back of the sofa and occasionally brushing strands of hair off her face.

They were so fucking close to each other.

Every now and then Elliot mumbled something, just to not look suspicious but he really couldn't formulate something longer that two sentences with (Y/N)'s lips so close to his face.

After the longest twenty-five minutes of his life a man cleared his throat next to them, Elliot was so scared of the possibility this was just another flirty guy who wanted to try it with (Y/N) -this open sex club was extremely hard to accept for a man like him- but fortunately it was the chauffeur for the rooms. He led them to the big glass doors and left them in another corridor with a pair of keys and the number five on them.

After he left them alone it was the first instant when they weren't touching in any way and they missed the contact immediately, so much that Elliot took her hand in his.

(Y/N) exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holdin when Elliot closed the door of their room, "okay, so report of the room : massive bed"

They started to search in every corner for anything that could help them with the operation while describing everything out loud.

"I've never seen this many condoms in my life" she suddenly said after opening two drawers, Elliot blushed looking at her with the envelopes in her hands. "Also, the flavour matches the one of the condoms found in the hotel, so now we have the confirmation that they're from here"

"How are you so sure?"

"Well for one, I have the assurance that no pharmacy ever has sold "coke flavored condoms" and because there's the name of the club on the envelope"

He just nodded, "right" and proceeded to open another drawer "oh look we have toys too", Elliot picked up a pair of fluffy handcuffs and showed them to her, "you like 'em detective?"

Was he...nah

Either way, she couldn't let him win, so she marched to him to whisper "I tend to use them to others, not me"

Oh, baby, look what you started

The temperature's rising in here

They were ready to inspect anything further when (Y/N) heard walking from the corridors, "someone's coming" "what?" and then a knock on the room next to them "they're entering the rooms" Elliot whispered.

"Loose the jacket"

He was about to ask why, but he knew better than to question her; she was so hot commanding orders. He carefully positioned the jacket on the back of a chair "I'm gonna put you here guys". When he turned back he found (Y/N) sat on the bed, taking off her heels "what are you-?" "We're supposed to look couply here, we can't be caught investigating" she obviously was right, but Elliot was in a very difficult position here now after she shoved him on the bed.

"So we're..." he was making some gesture with his hands while (Y/N) tried to find the courage to do something, "we have to" "yeah" and then he sat straight on the bed, waiting, thinking.

Elliot didn't have time before (Y/N) moved slightly her dress and positioned herself on his lap whit her legs on either side of him

Is this gonna happen?

Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move (ooh, ooh)

Before I make a move (ooh, ooh)

"Are you sure?"

Elliot was literally burning up.

Then she took his hands and put them on her hips, nodding. They felt so good on her.

They heard more loud walking so they inched closer, then a knock "room service";

So, baby, come light me up

And maybe I'll let you on it

A little bit dangerous

But, baby, that's how I want it

Poor guy didn't get an answer because they launched at each other to kiss. One of Elliot's hands travelled to her exposed back and the other gripped her hips more firmly. (Y/N)'s lips tasted of lipstick and were so soft to his rough kiss he wanted to die like this;

A little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you

her hands were gripping his hair and taking him even closer to her. When her breasts pressed to his chest and he felt her lace to his portion of exposed-by-the-unbottoned-shirt pecs he was losing it, Elliot moved her hips on him and that's when she moaned in his mouth.

At the other side of the microphone their colleagues were a mix of confused and delighted.

Got everyone watchin' us

So, baby, let's keep it secret

A little bit scandalous

But, baby, don't let them see it

"Are they...?" Cassidy was having the time of his life when (Y/N) moaned

"They are" they could hear Elliot's now because (Y/N) was kissing his neck "they so are", confirmed Olivia and Munch.

That's when another knock was heard and finally the person opened the door.

The couple got off each other's lips just because the guy excused himself. Then reality came back down again.

Elliot moved to hear the man better, putting his hands under (Y/N)'s butt to cover her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, I am at your service tonight" he had a tray with champagne in his hand and just a pair of trousers on. (Y/N) didn't falter for a second there, getting up and meeting their guest, "oh don't be sorry, we got a little carried away"

She could hear Cassidy chuckles in her head.

"I'm (Y/N), come meet my boyfriend" she took the tray from him and gestured for the guy to sit next to Elliot, who introduced himself. She then sat on the other side of the guy, putting her legs on both the men's ones; Elliot gave her a side glance at how comfortable she looked putting herself on this guy.

"Tell us..."

"Caleb"

She smiled, "Caleb, how does it work, your service?"

He proceeded to explain how they were a fancy club for couples who wanted to explore their sexual lives, he didn't know but the more he talked the more criminal sentences he was giving this place. Elliot was more than pleased to look at (Y/N) flirt and touch this man to give them everything and more they needed.

"And tell me, is there a way to have some... Incentives?" she got up to sit down on Elliot again, "you see my boyfriend here has a hard time with all my eccentricities, but he's willing to try tonight and I'm sure that with some magical helps he would love to have the both of us"

Elliot was dying under her caresses.

The guy was starting to negate the service when he jumped in the ring again, "we're willing to pay more, of course"

Caleb's eyes lit up then; he agreed and got up to a wall, pressed some invisible buttons and revealed a cabinet full of any kind of powders.

"Now the party can start"

This was (Y/N)'s signal to the team to start moving.

While Elliot was next to Caleb pretending to choose what would have been his poison, they heard some commotion from the outside. They didn't break character for a minute, (Y/N) was comfortably laying on the bed when Munch got the door down and declared the guy under arrest.

"Finally"

Now, the easy part was done: the club was shot down, the owners were arrested and the ADA had so much proof to put everyone working there behind bars that they even thanked the team.

The hard times were just about to start when an hour later they were still at the precinct doing reports; Elliot and (Y/N) didn't have a chance to talk yet and she was almost grateful for this, what could she even possibly say? Sorry if I devoured your face and I used our operation as an excuse to make out to you?!

She kept her head low and just wrote in the files for the entire time, she was also grateful no one said anything about their work -even if she was sure Cassidy and Munch had some sly remarks ready the instant she and Elliot walked out the doors, Olivia only threatened them if they talked. (Y/N) could sense Brian's struggle to shut up at the desk in front of her-

Meanwhile Elliot was just opposite her, on the other side of the room and couldn't take his eyes off of her; they were still in their clothes, (Y/N) just raised her hairs with a clip -which made her ten times sexier in his opinion- and got free of her heels. He did just half the report because he was too engrossed in looking at her, how calmed she seemed while she worked and how she bit her lip from time to time while thinking about bigger words to fill her papers. But mostly he couldn't stop thinking about how stupid he was to not talk to her yet, after he had the best kiss of his life and just wanted to repeat it forever.

(Y/N) was painfully oblivious to Elliot's stare, too preoccupied to avoid taking notice of Cassidy eyes moving from Munch to Elliot -they had practically cleaned her lipstick stains on Elliot's lips and neck for the amount of times they looked at them-

When she was done she got up, handed over her files and went away; she just squeezed Olivia's shoulder on the way, but didn't say a word to anyone.

It took Elliot the time she started the car and drove off to understand he had to move too, but only after Cassidy threw him an eraser and Olivia screamed at him to "go take his girl".

It made him smile to think about her that way.

The knock (Y/N) heard from her door were so strong and determined she instantly went to see whose was, she opened the door with a confused expression on her face.

"Hi"

She just made him space on the door to enter her apartment.

Elliot didn't know where to start, how could he explain things to her when he didn't stop and thought about it?! He inhaled a big breath and prepared himself for a big monologue.

This could take some time, hey

I made too many mistakes

Better get this right, right, baby

"First of all, I'm sorry" she was about to answer but he made a motion with his hand to stop her, "please let me get this all out first"

"Sure, right", (Y/N) sat on the couch and invited him to join her -she was actually shitting herself considering his tone, but she sensed that he needed this moment so she'd wait to do anything, even if she'd wanted to crumble right then and there-

Elliot took a place next to her, diverting his legs in order to face her. Ugh.

Tell me what you came here for

'Cause I can't, I can't wait no more

I'm on the edge with no control

And I need, I need you to know

You to know, oh, yeah

"I'm sorry if anything that I did, or didn't do tonight made you uncomfortable. I wasn't expecting the turn that took the night, but I must specify I was pleasantly surprised."

Maybe (Y/N) could restart breathing.

"(Y/N) you're an amazing woman, I admire you as a cop and I love working with you"

Why did this sound like a rejection? Or worse, a goodbye!?

"But most of all, I loved kissing you tonight"

Oh shit

He took her hands in his, "I know that we're supposed to be professional and I don't want to seem irrational right now, but I'd really fucking like to kiss you again, more then once"

She was flabbergasted. She couldn't form a thought, her jaw was on the floor and her heart was beating at the rate of a heart attack.

"Please say something"

So, baby, come light me up (light me up)

And maybe I'll let you on it

A little bit dangerous (dangerous)

But, baby, that's how I want it (how I want it)

A little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you

(Y/N) pulled him from the shirt and kissed him, more confident than before. She pressed him to her putting her arms around his neck, while his found her waist; she opened her mouth to taste his tongue and he fucking groaned through the kiss, she was ready to fight his tongue for dominance when he pulled away.

"So I guess you..."

"Yes Elliot" she kissed the corner of his mouth "I like you too" and then his jaw "and I really like to kiss you" moving to his neck "and I'd like to do it for quite some time, if you'd like"

"I would love to", he was turning his face to kiss her again but she got closer to his ear to whisper something, "I would also want for you to fuck me, like right now" and then she smirked.

She didn't give him time to do anything because she ran away to her bedroom; Elliot woke up from his trans and followed her, finding her in front of the mirror trying to get away from her dress. He came up behind her and took her hands' place on her zipper.

He unzipped it so slowly, kissing every inch he discovered and then let the dress fall at her feet.

"Fuck"

He palmed her naked breasts, still looking at (Y/N) through the mirror, her head fell on his chest from the pleasure.

"I think you're too much covered" she decided when she turned around and got unbuttoned his shirt with one powerful move.

"Ehi! I liked that shirt" Elliot himself knew he was only half complaining, "I like it better off" she fucking licked her lips looking at his bare torso.

(Y/N) kissed every part of his chest, from the clavicle to his pecs; she sucked one of his nipples and was happily pleased when she realised his breath was becoming more erratic. She trailed her tongue down all his abs until she got on her knees, asking the permission to unbuckle his belt and jeans.

"You can do me whatever you want love"

Love

She worked his clothes rather quickly and stopped only in front of his underwear: shit, he was big. But she couldn't praise him about his size yet. She palmed his boner and got excited enough to yank his underwear away and take his dick in her hands.

Elliot was dying of anticipation there.

After stroking him two times (Y/N) licked his shaft and he hissed. He was ready!

Finally she put her mouth on his tip and sucked all the dick down in her mouth.

"Holy shit", he grabbed her hair and she looked at him with big eyes before she started to move her head up and down. She was phenomenal. At some point she took his balls in her hand and started squeezing, "oh my- (Y/N)"

It took her two minutes of full bobbing before she had to take air, but she never stopped touching him, always licking on nipping his tip. When she put her mouth on him again she started to move faster and sucking harder. Elliot was a moaning mess up there, moving his hips in sync with her.

"Baby I'm gonna-" he couldn't talk, she gripped his ass and sucked his cock so much deeper in her mouth he couldn't even think before he shot down her throat. She kept moving her head until he stopped screaming for her and came down his high.

When she left his dick (Y/N) was smiling and Elliot loved this. He helped her get up, just to take her in his arms and put her on the bed.

"You were-"

"Amazing, I know" he chucked, "you really were", he kissed her neck then, lowering himself on her. He felt her wet panties to his cock, who was already recovering feeling her like this. He moved his hands through all her leg, stopping at her inner thigh and sensing her warmth. Elliot looked her in her eyes when he finally put a hand on her pussy. She hissed at the contact.

"You're soaked baby"

"A good cock might do this to me"

She wasn't even embarrassed to show him how much she wanted him; he smirked and slowly let herself free of her panties.

"Look at her, so pretty and ready for me"

His talking of her pussy made her involuntarily lift her hips, which made Elliot smirk even more before he put a finger on her clit.

"Mmmh"

"That's right love"

Fuck he was good with his fingers. She knew he was only giving his dick time to recover, but (Y/N) was enjoying every minute of his fingers entering her hole. She was gripping his forearm when he pushed his second finger in to "prep her for his dick", he said. She was sure he was just enjoying her so fucked up just by his fingers.

"El I need you, now"

His face lit up, "you sure?", she took his cock and aligned it with her entrance, soaking it with her wetness "I'm sure".

He pushed into her very slowly, he was relishing in every inch of her stretching to his length. When he was done he waited a few seconds to move, admiring (Y/N)'s face while she adjusted to his size; suddenly she moved her hips making him hiss and then start to pound into her at a determinate pace.

"God, yes"

She was feeling every inch of his big dick and she was fucking loving it. He moved so well into her while also paying attention to every other part of her : when he wasn't kissing her neck, he was squeezing her tits or whispering dirty things in her ears.

She was loving his dirty talk.

"Come on baby, let me feel you squeeze my dick"

(Y/N) never moaned so loudly in her life. One of her hands was gripping the sheets and the other was firm to Elliot's back to have him always there, pounding into her, extremely close and sweaty. When Elliot started playing with her clit (Y/N)'s eyes rolled so back he was afraid she'd loose them.

"I-I'm so close baby"

Fuck, she called him baby

Elliot became even faster and impatient to let her finish around him; she was a screaming mess while she cum but Elliot loved her clenched pussy around him. Before he could cum he pulled out and finished on her stomach, still patting her clit while he stroked himself.

It was the sexiest thing (Y/N) ever saw; the scene became even more erotic when Elliot went down and licked his cum from her skin and then got up to her face saying "it tastes like you".

She smiled at him and pulled him in her arms, "after you'd done a thing like this, I'll never give you away"

"And I'll never leave, love"

[cry4mina]

Heaven

(Nayeon x Fem!reader)

Word Count: 6.9k

Fluff/Smut

Summary: After being with Nayeon for a while, it's clear that she is your future. You both decide it's time to move in with each other, this fic takes place on move in day!

TW: Fluffy, cute, oral, fingering, a little nipple play, strap ons, teasing, lots of almost moments. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: @dovveri (the precious angel) had asked me to expand on this MONTHS ago and I took my sweet ass time (I stalled bc fluff is not my strong suit.) BUT it here now and I hope you enjoy it!<3

Also! Happy 6 Months to Cry4Mina! I know I say I'm grateful for all of you all the time but hitting 600 followers AND it being my 6 months of writing has really just been amazing.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my works, the support you've given me and all the love! I'm really looking forward to writing a lot of the drafts that I have, and interacting with everyone! I hope you all have such a lovely day/night and get you a little sweet treat! <3

The walls are blank. Every place where art once hung, now patched with tack and smoothed over. Boxes lining the small living room and parts of the kitchen…reliving some of the sacred memories built here when your phone chimes, interrupting the sweet thoughts. You to pull it out of your pocket to check the notification.

Nay: I’m outside baby (9:45am)

Not even bothering to reply, you just pull the door open to see a U-haul truck backed into the parking spot closest to your soon to be old front door and Nayeon no where in sight.

Looking around in confusion, you hear the clattering of the big metal rolling door on the back of the truck.

Eyes meeting the sound as it rattles, ascending upwards and stopping in place. A petite Nayeon lifting it and climbing into the back to push it all the way to the top, revealing the empty truck she rented just for the things you decided to bring along with you.

She leaves you completely breathless, per usual…but today, being the day you were moving in together, your heart throbbed with love and affection for your beautiful girlfriend.

White sneakers with long white socks up to her knees, black shorts that were intentionally too short, a top that had hints of purple and a trucker hat to finish the look off. Appearing as if she just got out of a photoshoot or filming a video or something more extravagant than helping you move.

Your jaw hit the floor as she half jogged up to you, and jumping into your arms and wrapping her legs around you, expecting you to hold her up while her forearms found their place on your shoulders and her hands were interwoven with themselves.

Being sure to catch her, providing some support from under her, she lean back and grabbed your cheeks, kissing them one, two, three times before completely beaming at you from the few inches she had of height on you in this position.

“Hi, baby!,the ” another kiss, this one on the lips, to taper off her sentence while her hands found their way around your neck once more.

“Hi, my love, you look amazing.” absorbing her like flowers take in the sun, feeling her skin on yours was magic.

“Only for you.” watching as her eyes convert to a half lidded seduction, her tone emanated a specific type of want that could only be translated privately, very very privately.

Nayeon reverts the seductive face, unwrapping her legs and stand on her own, keeping her hands connected around your neck and pulling you into an even bigger hug, fingers tapping on your shoulder blades to the song she was humming, before shimmying in your arms.

Both of you start giggling before she finally lets go of you, very obviously excited about this adventure you were going on together. Her hand finds yours, lightly gripping it and swinging it around while she talks.

“Okay, so the movers should be here any minute - we are loading what you’re keeping into this truck” pointing to the one that she pulled up in.

“And anything we are going to donate will go in the movers truck, they will drop it off and then we will go…home, the movers will meet us there and we will get everything organize. Sound like a plan?” the loving look she gives you when she says home made your knees weak, jelly filled joints fighting to hold the weight of the love you held for her every thing she did, but especially when she said something sweet or looked at you a certain way.

“Sounds good, babe.” uttered over the squeaking of the brakes from the truck of movers that just pulled up and her squealing at the sight of them.

The 3 men come over, asking you for detailed instructions on what to keep and what to put in the “donation” truck. Most of the things you were keeping was in boxes but you were keeping your king sized bed, Nayeon was too in love with it to even think about getting a new one.

“But it’s already broken in on my side, I don’t want to do that again. Don’t you like sleeping on a cloud? I can’t believe you’re considering a new one…” argued a few weeks ago when you half way discussed what furniture you wanted to keep.

Both of you decided the living room would be the focus first, you’d want a new couch if anything. Wanting to pick out the decorations together for each room would be a fun bonding experience and that was something you were very much looking forward to.

“Alright, we will get started.” One of the men said, walking into the living room and starting with the couch you weren’t going to keep, taking it to the donation truck while you and Nayeon focused on the boxes.

Slowly removing everything from the apartment until it was completely empty, you couldn’t help but have a little moment of sadness, not that you were upset about this new chapter in your life with Nayeon, but more so the memories of this apartment and what it meant to you.

Nayeon sees you staring at the bare walls and taking the last walk through of the place to make sure everything was taken care of. Waiting for you to have your moment, she doesn’t rush you, simply leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed, silently watching the emotions change across your face.

It’s an emotional transition, even if it’s a good one. This place was where you built your relationship, the foundation of the steady and healthy bond you and her shared. Moving in together was a massive step that you were more than ready to take, but you couldn’t help allow the nostalgia consume you for a moment as a few tears roll down your cheek.

Feeling her eyes on your back, the edges of your mouth turn up knowing the exact look she’s giving you before you even see it.

“I can feel you watching me” giggling through the droplets that threatened to drip down your chin, you try to wipe them before she can see.

“Don’t try to hide it, I know you’re crying!” she walks up behind you, giving you a hug from behind and resting her head on your shoulder blades.

Sniffling while trying to gain your composure again, Nayeon just holds you until your breath smooths out more. Rocking you from side to side in attempts to comfort you.

“Don’t worry, baby” spinning you around carefully so you can face her; she likes to make eye contact when she speaks.

“This is going to be great! And do you want to know the best part?” leaning into you, putting her weight on you to make you hold her back.

“What’s the best part, my love?”

“We get to do it together!” Nayeon practically tackles you to the ground, smooching you all over the face and tickling you in the process.

Rolling around and trying to avoid her hands as you both laugh, you love how playful your relationship with her is. She always knew how to make you smile, in every single way you could imagine.

Once she put a halt to the tickle fest she brought on, she was straddling you on the floor, hands resting on your stomach and your hands were on her thighs. You sit up, placing your hands on her ass and scoot her into you.

Faces so close you can feel her breath on your lips, you can tell she’s riled up from the way you’re looking at her and your hand placement, it was easier to get her worked up - easier than she would like to admit.

Reaching your hands up from your girlfriend’s thighs and trailing them up her chest, watching as her breath hitches when you pass her collarbones.

Gliding your digits up her neck and to her cheeks, you feel her flush - a noticeable wave of heat rushing through her.

Sight going from her lips, up to her eyes, and then back down to her lips again, you bring her mere centimeters from your mouth.

Her breathing speeds up.

Feeling her heart race through your fingertips, the way her eyes were locked in on you, and the way she held you close without an inch of wiggle room…you knew exactly what she was thinking about…and what she wanted.

“Baby” breathed to her, teasing her with your whispers and the distance between your lips.

Nayeon’s is completely enthralled, looking like she wants to beg for you to touch her. Eyes returning to their half lidded state from earlier, she starts rocking her hips on your lap, you stop her immediately.

“Not yet, baby. We still have work to do…and I want pizza for dinner.” kissing her forehead before standing with her still attached to you.

“You’re like a koala, you know that?” chuckling at her for not letting go of you, bringing her outside with you and locking the door.

She whines really loudly, “Fuck you, ugh”

“Whyyyyyyy? What did I do?!” gasped back in fake shock, you knew exactly why she was saying it. She rests her head on your shoulder.

“Because, you did that on purpose!” Pouting at the state she’s in.

“Did what on purpose, honey?” kissing her cheeks while walking her to your car that she was planning on drive to the new place.

Nayeon gets down off you and sticks her hands out for your keys with a fake attitude, you dangle them in front of her. She attempts to snatch them, but you’re too quick and she misses.

“Did what on purpose?” poking her chest lightly just to get a little rise out of her.

She leans into your ear closely, playing with the collar of your shirt before she speaks soft sultry words right into you.

“For making me wet and making me wait to feel you.”

Jaw dropping for a second time tonight, she kisses your check tenderly. Winking at you while she bites her lip. She takes the keys out of your hand and replaces them with the U-Haul keys.

“Last one home buys dinner!” rapidly getting into the car and backing out of the driveway.

Still standing in the same spot, unable to stop yourself from smiling at how goofy she is. Shaking your head while giggling, it’s impossible not to fall deeper in love with her by the day.

Turning around one last time, admiring what was home in the afternoon light before getting into the truck and going to what was your next chapter of life.

—

The drive wasn’t too long, maybe 30 minutes at most. Driving in silence, you’re excited to get settled in your new place. Living in the memory of when you and Nayeon toured the apartment you’d be moving into.

Hardwood floors, vaulted ceilings, massive windows that were floor to ceiling, and the lighting fixture in the dinning area that Nayeon fell in love with.

Remembering the way she exclaimed “baby, look at this!” At every turn, around every corner, you both knew this was the place you were going to start the adventure of living together.

The island in the kitchen was what you were particularly excited about, having more room to cook for her when you had a moment. She didn’t know that was the intention, but being able to surprise her with it some night would be great.

Turning the corner to the complex, you already see your car in the assigned spot. Nayeon is leaning on the drivers side door, scrolling through her phone when you back the truck in next to her.

“Ha! Dinner is on you tonight!” Happily skipping over to the drivers side door as you hop out of the truck.

“Yeah, yeah!” waving your hand and rolling your eyes before smirking at her.

“Pepperoni and extra cheese, please!”

“Alright, alright. Let’s go check out the place!” putting your hand out in front of her with puckered lips, waiting for your keys and a kiss, she’s happy to give both.

—

As you reach the elevator, you notice the weight of your keys is different. Looking down while stepping into the metal box what was going to get you to the floor you apartment was on - you notice a light blue key with an N and a heart on it.

Toying with the key in your hand, you look up at her to see she’s distracted and doesn’t know that you’ve noticed the cute little surprise she’s placed on your key ring while she was waiting for you to arrive.

“Baby” called to her softly from a foot away.

Nayeon looks over at you, eyes looking directly into yours and then down at the keys in your hands, showing her the one she placed on your keyring.

She smiles, pulling her keys off her belt loop, flashing you a key with your initial and a heart next to it, in your favorite color.

“I thought it would be a nice cute little surprise for our move in day.” intertwining her pinky with yours.

“Thank you, it’s so cute and thoughtful.”

The elevator dings, sliding the doors open and allowing you and your girlfriend to step into the hallway.

Taking the corridor to the right, Nayeon basically pulling you to the door of your new home. The door was black with shiny brass numbers reflecting back to you.

She slips her key into the door, the heavy lock turns and clicks into place. Nayeon looks over at you and smiles before pushing the door open and squealing in excitement, jumping in place. Gosh, she’s so cute.

Grabbing her hand before she can run inside, you pull her close to you, pressing your body against hers. She’s going to take this as you teasing her, but really you just had something you wanted to do.

“Wait a sec, I think we should be a little traditional about this.”

“Traditional?” Scoffed at you while her hands are wrapped around your waist.

“Yeah, traditional…” placing your hand behind her legs and scooping her up into your arms, bridal style, before she can protest.

Nayeon squeals at being lifted up but her arms instinctively wrap around your neck. When she realizes what you’re doing she starts giggling at the sweetness of the moment.

Unable to take her eyes off you as you take your step over the threshold into your new home. One of her rather large hands descends to your chest, placing it flat under your collar bone.

“Home.” said lightly under your breath but loud enough for her to hear you, panning the emptiness of the apartment you were about to fill with not only your physical things, but the love you had for each other.

Removing her hand off your chest, she uses her fingers to turn your head towards her and kisses you softly.

“Home.” Pointing one of her fingers into your chest, bring her lips back to yours.

Resting your foreheads together, you lower her legs to signal her to stand on her own. She whines in protest, leaning against you as she fights against regaining her balance.

“Are you ready?” Grabbing her hand, looking her in the eyes and smiling.

“Never been more ready, actually.” Kissing the top of your hand, grabbing her phone and checking her messages to see the other team of movers was outside and ready to move the furniture into your new space.

“They’re here!” Gleefully jumping in place again before heading for the door.

“Let’s go!” Following closely behind her and slapping her ass playfully.

Nayeon lets out a soft moan. Whipping around to look at you to see if you’ve heard, covering her mouth with her hand trying to hide her own shock and the flushing in her cheeks.

Eye widen as before you let out a thunderous laugh.

“Don’t worry, baby. We can take care of that later.” Kissing her forehead and leading her down to the elevator by her hand, with her trying to cover the flushed cheeks she now wears in embarrassment.

—

“Hmm…maybe a little more to the left? This doesn’t feel centered to me.” Nayeon is pensive, finger on her cheek as she asks the movers, yet again, to move the bed over so it’s perfectly centered in your new bedroom.

“Babe, it looks fine where it is!” Chiming in from the closet where you were hanging all of the clothes you had smartly packed on hangers so they’d be easier to deal with.

Organizing the closet so the left side was hers and the right side was yours, you could hear her sigh from the other room.

Picturing her exact movements in your minds eye, you knew she was shifting her weight from one leg to another, biting her pointer finger with her other arm crossed over her chest.

“Okay…I hear you…but what if we scooted it over just a little bit to the ri-“ sneaking up behind her and silencing her with a soft bite to the neck causing her to stifle a whine.

“I think it’s perfect where it is, Nayeon.” kissing her cheek before you turn your attention to the movers.

“Thank you so much for your help today!” shaking their hands as they leave the room and walk out the front door.

“Baby, I really don’t know if I like the bed in this position or not.” Nayeon’s hands are on her hips again, trying to figure out if it would look better centered on the other wall.

“Honey…we can rearrange any time we want. No worries, let’s just get the rest of the house together, okay?” you throw the sheets at her for her to make the bed she was scowling at and head back to continue what you’ve been doing in the closet.

Nayeon followed you into the closet, sheets in hand, with a pout that would make anyone drop what they’re doing to please her.

“What’s wrong, my love?” Pausing the organizing of your clothes as you spoke to her.

“I’m hungry and the bed is crooked.” she sighs and give a playful little stomp, throwing the cutest tantrum you’ve ever seen.

“I’ll order the pizza now then, okay?” pulling your phone out to send through the order you already prepared for the two of you.

“But what about the bed?”

“We can fix it later, okay? Just put the sheets on it and we will worry about it after dinner.”

Nayeon rolls her eyes and heads out of the closet to complete the task at hand.

After about 5 minutes goes by, a frustrated grumble echoes through the room, followed by shouting and sighing.

“Ugh! This bed is crooked! It’s not freaking centered!” Nayeon huffs as she finishes putting the sheets on, trying to scoot the heavy bed and frame over an inch or two to make it “centered”.

She’s so dramatic.

You adore this part of her.

“Let me see.” Finishing up the last of the closet and stepping out to see what she how “crooked” it was.

The bed was straight against the wall…there’s no way it could’ve actually been crooked. Giving her a side eyed glare, you lightly push her shoulder.

“It’s perfectly straight, what do you mean?” Chuckling at her while you put your hands up in confusion.

“No, it’s not! Look!”

Nayeon squats down in front of the bed, point and explaining how it’s not lined up with the floor boards and all you can do is admire how passionately she’s making her case about something so silly.

Just smiling, you walk up to her as she continues on her rant about the bed.

“So you see, that’s why it’s not straight because this is…not…” tilting her head up, eyes lacing every part of you as you step up to her and place a finger under her chin.

“I think it looks good, don’t you?” leading her to stand, her eyes still not leaving you.

Nayeon stutters through her mentions of now suddenly agreeing with you.

“O-oh, uhm…y-yes, I don’t t-think we should move it at all.”

She’s so cute.

Hooking a finger into on of her belt loop, tugging it so she somewhat falls into you. Using that to your advantage, swiftly turning and falling yourself. Landing flat with your back on the bed with her strategically on top of you.

Her surprised face hovering over yours, she hoists her leg over your torso, straddling your hips instinctively and putting you right back where you were only a few hours ago at your old apartment.

“Oops, wow! I can’t believe you would trip like that. So clumsy of you! Even if I do love meeting you like this…” tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“And what if I meet you like this” leaning in and brushing her lips against yours, the warmth between her legs gives a flash of familiarity, and her sultry tone brings a rush of endorphins, melting your heart and ruining any sense of composure you had.

“I can feel your heart beating…do I still make you nervous?” whispered against your lips before connecting them completely.

Soft and slow turns into passionate and needy very quickly.

The steamy make out session escalated into you tugging Nayeon’s shirt off, trying to minimize the time your lips spent apart.

Nayeon’s tongue tracing your lips before she stood up and started undoing on your belt, the clattering of her impatience matching the buckle as it hit the floor.

Hastily unbuttoning your pants, tugging them down without hesitation. She needed you, rapid movements serve as proof of her hunger, the way she doesn’t care how aggressively she’s ripping the black denim off your thighs.

Haphazardly tossing each piece of clothing as she rips it off you, first your belt, then your pants, and your shirt following very closely behind, your hands helping discard the unwanted fabric.

“Finally…I get to have you how I’ve been wanting you allll da-“

The doorbell cuts her sentence off.

“You’re kidding…” Nayeon’s body tenses, sighing as she runs a finger down your stomach as she rolls her eyes in disdain at who ever just pushed the button that caused the chime that stopped her from taking you the way she had been imagining.

“That would be dinner.” Giggling at her frustration, only adding to it.

Nayeon just rolls her eyes and stands up, grabbing her shirt and throwing it on while mumbling to herself and mindlessly flicking off the front door before opening it.

You opt to just slip on a pair of black sweat pants and walk around in your sports bra, leaving your bedroom and hearing her say thank you to the pizza delivery boy before latching the door shut and locking it.

Grabbing some paper plates from the kitchen, bringing them to the empty living room and sitting on the floor next to Nayeon, and turning the TV on to put on a random YouTube video while you guys eat.

Taking a few bites and then looking over at her, you see she’s scrolling through her phone with an annoyed look on her face.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“What do you think about this?” Flipping her phone around to show a coffee table with a glass top made of light wood and gold accents.

“Oh that’s cute!” Leaning into her and scrolling to see if it had any matching sets.

“So I was thinking” she starts, “what if we did like a sage green with gold accents and with like light wood and a lot of plants for the living room.” taking a bite of her slice of pizza and doing a little happy dance now that she’s finally eating.

“I love that idea but let’s do a little contrast.” Clicking on the black version of the gold laced table and showing her.

“Wait…you might be on to something here.” Scrolling down and seeing the matching furniture that goes along with the table.

“I did save a couch I saw, let me find it.” quickly pulling up the lighter green couch she had in mind and showing it to you.

“Oh, babe, that’s perfect!” Leaning over and kissing her cheeks before taking another bite of your pizza.

“I think it would match so well with the gold accents and…” she rattles on about

Spending the entirety of dinner talking about placement and furniture, you find yourselves tired from a long day of planning, organizing and moving things around.

Taking it upon yourself to pack up the left-overs from dinner in the kitchen, you can’t help but wonder where your girlfriend has gone off too.

“Nayeonieeeeeeeee!” called out when you hear her cackle from the master bedroom.

“I’m in here, baby!” echoed off the walls to the empty living room.

“You better not moving that bed again!” Sliding the pizza box into the fridge, laughing to yourself about the joke you just made.

“I’m NOT! Ugh!” you walk into your new shared bedroom to see Nayeon on FaceTime with Momo, talking about the moving process and how smoothly it went with the company she recommended.

Catching her attention was fairly easy as you were still very shirtless and the sweatpants you wore to cover up were a little big on you, falling off almost so the waistband of your underwear was sticking out for her to see.

“Momo when you come over tomorrow, we will give you a tour! Besides we still have some…things to…” she’s staring right at you, eye shifting from your exposed waistband up to your bare torso.

An idea pops into your head, an idea that would bring her to her knees and back to where you were an hour or two ago.

Making eye contact with her while she zones out, you tug on the string that is keeping your sweatpants anchored on your hips, letting them drop to the floor before you step out of them. Her jaw drops at how suddenly exposed you are with only your panties and your bra covering you…for now.

Slipping your fingers under the hem of what was covering your chest, you slowly pull it off over your head, leaving you in just your underwear. Twirling the bra by it’s strap around your finger, you fling it at her, it lands on her legs.

Nayeon’s eyes bugged out of her head, like a cartoon character, as she sat up - readjusting her position out of what seemed to be a little bit of gay panic mixed with anticipation.

“….hey, uhm…let me call you back.” Nayeon quickly hangs up the phone as Momo’s protest began through the speaker.

“Wait! Nayeon we have to talk abou-” click.

You have her right where you want her.

She stands, hastily making her way over to you. Hands reaching out to make contact, she’s pulling you in close, laying her hands on your hips and tracing small circles that travel to your lower back and to the waistband she was just staring at.

“You have all my attention, honey.” kissing your cheeks, trailing feather-light kisses down your jaw line and onto the side of your neck before bringing her lips back to yours.

Within minutes of this sweet dangerous kiss beginning, you’d devolve into a melted version of your former self with only her name stuck in your throat and the flavor of her lips at the tip of your tongue as it familiarizes itself with hers again, noting every predicted movement and sway of her as she holds you in front of her.

Arms raising up and resting on her shoulders, your fingers weave with her hair, pulling her into your further and pressing your chest against her same purple shirt from earlier.

“Take this off.” parting from her for only a moment to give her the command to remove the article of clothing that was in your way before returning your mouth to hers.

Maintaining eye contact, she rips her shirt over her head, tossing it somewhere else and continuing on the entanglement you were creating with her, unsnapping her bra and letting it chase her shirt to else where.

Now shirtless with you, chests pressing up against each other, she takes charge. Leading you to the “crooked” bed and pushing you down onto the sheets, playfully.

“Finally,” she breathes, unbuttoning her shorts and letting them fall to the floor and kicking them out of the way.

“I’ve been thinking about this since I saw you this morning. And when you carried me over the threshold?” clenching her entire body at the memory, a familiar shutter cascades through her body.

“I never wanted you more than in that moment…except for maybe right now.”

Watching as she relaxes again, her hands on either side of you, and she’s making half lidded eye contact with you when she brings a hand down your stomach, ghosting it over your underwear and reminding your body of what it was feeling earlier.

Leaning down to kiss you again, she’s intensifying her touch on you. Rubbing your clit through the now damp fabric of your underwear and letting you moan and whine into her mouth. The touch is fueling every fire you’ve felt in the last 12 hours.

“Fuck…Nayeon” whined into her mouth as she pulls your panties to the side, drenching her finger in your slick, coasting it up and down your slit while you match her movements with your hips.

She spends a moment kissing and toying with your chest, flicking your nipples with her tongue, lightly grazing her teeth over them. She slithers back up to your face and kisses you again.

“Finally touching you after a long day of wanting to feel you like this…” bringing her hand up to lick your essence off her long digits.

“To taste you like this…” bringing her lips down to yours, kissing you deeply and letting your own taste linger on your tongue.

Usually being the one that maintains composure, you were finding it difficult to keep the pace steady, after all the “almost” moments earlier today, you were having thoughts of just flipping her over and doing all the work.

Intense bodily reactions that are out of your control fling you into desperation, body begging for more of her touch, and gripping her harder to make sure she knows what you want, though it was obvious, your body language gave you away.

The rocking of your hips, the repressed moans, the less than pure lust that burned you from the inside were shinning through every single motion you made.

Nayeon noticed.

Her teeth graze your ear before she descended down your body with small bites, intentional swipes of her tongue and soft sweet pecks in between.

It wasn’t long before your ass was hanging off the edge of the bed and she was on her knees between your legs.

Without even looking at her, you can feel the smirk she has as she tugs on the elastic that was holding what was in her way up, and removes it - almost ripping it in the process.

“Damn, baby. You look so fucking good like this.” running her thumb up and over your clit a few times, teasing your entrance with every few passes.

Brain glitching under her touch, the cravings were too strong and you were too addicted to contain yourself any longer. Thrusting your hips down on her next tease of your entrance, her thumb slips inside you causing a guttural moan to leave your throat.

“Someone is eager.” giggled at you before removing her thumb, licking your slick off of it.

Whining in protest, you are about to beg for her when you feel it. The warmth of her tongue, starting at the bottom of your entrance and snaking its way up your folds and over your clit before latching onto it.

“Nayeon, ple- ooooh fuck!” hissed out in pleasure, hands flying up to the back of her head, wrapping her hair up in your hands and holding it into a makeshift ponytail as her tongue made work of you.

A delicate dance that she was more than good at, teasing and flicking at your sensitive bud before finally starting the pattern that she knew was what was going to keep you right where she needed you.

Sucking and smacking while she whirled her tongue in tightknit circles around your clit, completely focused on the way your back was arching, body twitching underneath her, and the sounds you were making for her.

Moaning her name, the breathy “oh fucks”, and the unprovoked “please please please” always made a mess of her underwear. She loved to hear you in this way, loved to have you in such a vulnerably delicious position to which she could bring you every ounce of pleasure you could ever want.

The build up ensues, the tightly woven tension in your core was stacking like tetris on the want that had been taunting you all day. Deep, primal yearning for your partner was all consuming and it was apparent that the feeling was mutual.

That’s when you feel it, her long pointer finger teasing your entrance, waiting for you to do exactly what Nayeon knew you would. Thrusting your hips down onto her finger and grinding onto it, doing the work for her while she quickened the pace of her circular movements on your clit.

The vibration of her chuckling with her mouth still attached to you was excruciating. Giggling at your neediness only made the desperation worse, vibrating and stimulating the very sensitive bud causing the pot to boil over, burning the coil that threatened to snap at any moment.

“Baby…oh fuck, I’m gonna fucking cum” pulling her head closer to you and grinding harder down on her finger.

Nayeon smiles, curling her finger up one, two, three times and then rips herself away from you.

Completely dismantling everything she just built, ruining the orgasm and sending you into a spiral of desperation and anger.

“Fuck, WHY would you do THAT?!” panting out furiously as you sit up on your elbows so you can glare at the cheeky smile she’s got plastered on her face.

Rolling your eyes and slamming yourself back down on the mattress, you hear the sound of leather sliding across the wooden nightstand. Nayeon stands, stepping into the harness of the all too familiar strap-on that was very present on nights like this.

The actual strap was different than your usual one, noting that the rings were more angular, the color of the leather was slightly darker, and you couldn’t help but notice the new attachment that was fixed to the strap that would go between Nayeon’s legs.

Slipping it inside herself with ease, a whimper leaving her lips while she buckled herself in and prepared for what was to come.

Feeling yourself drip in anticipation, the pooling of slick underneath you was rapidly growing out of control as Nayeon tugged your hips closer to the edge of the bed.

You could feel the tip of the familiar toy pressing against your folds as she leaned down and softly bit your chest. Shivers of anticipation radiated through your bones as you patiently waited for her to make the initial thrust that would turn into you becoming undone underneath her.

Breathing picking up for both of you, the tension so thick between you that every touch from her felt like jolts of static electricity that had the power of lightening.

“Baby…” unable to wait anymore, you had thought about her this way all day, on top of you with that half lidded smirk.

“Please.” Cupping her face, bringing her closer to you while lifting your legs up and wrapping them around her hips.

Taking the hint, she eases her hips forward, sinking her strap into you painstakingly slow, inch by inch until she was completely bottomed out inside you.

Moaning into her mouth as you continue to passionately make out, she takes it slow with you. Sensually rocking her hips gently and letting her hands wander your body while your tongues explored each others mouths.

Hardly any words shared at all, the moment too intense, and all too intimate to even think of exchanging witty banter. Hushed moans and whines filling the minimal space between the you and her, mixed in with the pure pleasure and the eager pants from Nayeon.

Bliss drapes your body with each thrust Nayeon made, you gave a small gasp at each stroke she laid into you. Paired with her own sounds of pleasure, you were consumed by her.

“I’m gonna cum…fuck” whispered to her with intense eye contact that has her breath hitching. Her thrusts speed up, a steady crescendo building up higher and higher in both of you until finally hit the point of pure ecstasy.

Your vision blurs as your body trembles, moans escaping your throat in rapid succession. Drenched in ecstasy, you twitch and buck your hips, riding out the waves of your intense orgasm.

Nayeon glistens with a thin sheen of sweat as she maintains her rhythm. Despite your body clenching around the strap, making it challenging for her to continue, she perseveres undeterred, chasing her own pleasure while overstimulating you.

A stream of passionate words accompanies the matching sounds as you both murmur intensely to each other. Nayeon grasps your hands, pinning them above your head, her hips snapping faster and faster.

Watching her closely through your post orgasm haze, you observe her brows furrowing—a sign she's nearing her peak.

As her rhythm falters, you seize the moment. Using your legs, you swiftly roll her over, positioning yourself on top of her.

Grinding down on the strap, now building another orgasm as it rubs against all the right spots, you can feel her body tensing under you.

“Cum for me, baby. I know how much you wanting this all day.” Sultry tone sensually whispered to her as you begin to slam yourself down on her, letting the attachment do the work.

Her eyes roll back, body tensed, back arched as she releases- a mess created on the sheets. Her whimpers loud, hands grasping at you, trying to tug you closer to her and successfully doing so.

Her nails dig into your hips as she guides you up and down on her, mouths connecting, your hand crawling up to weave into her hair.

“Oh fuck…feels so fucking good” breathed against her lips, her hands snake under your thighs, stopping you from riding her.

Thrusting up into you, holding you up while you drape your body over hers, allowing yourself to untether and get lost in the moment.

“Give me one more, honey. I know you want to.” Followed by a few bites to your neck.

The want in her words were enough to send you over the edge once more. She wraps her arms around you, holding you into place while continuing to trust up into you, creating a plethora of sounds that would put any adult film to shame.

Slowly coming down, you bury your face in her neck and smile into her.

“Ugh that was so worth the wait.” huffed into her skin as she draws little pictures with her nails on your back, writing words like “I love you” and your name and her name with hearts.

“Are you writing poetry on my back?” quizzically asked with a hint of sleepiness as you sit up on her.

“I don’t need to write poetry on what already is poetry, my love.” sitting up to deeply kiss you and hug you, all while the strap is still inside you.

Standing up to go and grab another set of sheets, Nayeon takes a moment to clean the strap in the bathroom, dry it off, and put it back in the drawer.

Returning to the bed, you pull the sheets off, walking through your house to place them in the washer and flick it on before you return to the room.

Nayeon and you make the bed together, changing the pillow cases so they match the new sheets you just placed on them.

“Do you want to take a quick shower with me?” after finally placing the comforter on the bed.

Nayeon walks over to you, putting her arms around your waist and kissing you again.

“Absolutely” leading you to the bathroom so you can wash up together.

Turning to her after she turns the shower on, you smirk at her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she scoffs, pulling out some towels from the linen closet for you both to use.

“I just love you…also, I think the bed IS crooked…at least it is now…” giggling at her.

Nayeon just glares at you, you can almost see her eye twitch with rage when she finally exclaims:

“SEE, I TOLD YOU IT WAS CROOKED!”

[crowsofdarkness]

Moment Of Weakness: Chapter Five

*gif not mine. credit to owner*

Pairings: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Content Warnings: language, 18 + smut, angst, fluff, affair, cheating, violence, kidnapping, faking a pregnancy.

Summary: Reader is the assistant to New York's most feared mob boss, James Buchanan Barnes. He had the picture-perfect life: status in the mob, friends, and beautiful wife. So why can't he keep his mind and eyes off of reader?

Authors Note: If anyone is interested, tags are open for this! Just send me a message or comment!

I palmed my eyes, rubbing away the blurry tiredness that clouded them, and continued to read the papers in front of me. This should have been done hours ago but I found myself becoming busy with answering phone calls from the other gangs around New York because they wanted information about the next meeting. My work day ended over an hour ago and with how angry Bucky seemed at me earlier, I wanted to make sure all of my work was finished before leaving. 

“You’re still here?” 

I looked away from the papers and gave Steve a weak smile. “I thought you left already.” 

He nodded. “I did but Bucky needed me to come back. Something came up.” 

I looked towards the closed door of Bucky’s office and sighed. It had been a few hours since I had seen him and wasn’t sure what he was doing behind the closed door. 

“Is everything alright?” I asked, looking back at Steve. 

Steve stuffed his hands deep into his pants pockets. “Don’t worry about it. You should get home and get some sleep.” 

I squinted my eyes at him, clearly understanding that he was hiding something from me. I was interrupted by asking what by the front door of the small building opening, a fiery redhead bounding inside. 

“Oh, Steve. You’re still here?” 

He gave a warm smile to Natasha. “Bucky called me back. We need to take care of something.” 

“With Thor? Bucky told me that he low balled you guys again with his payment,” Natasha ignored me, only keeping her attention on Steve. 

My stomach dropped with jealousy, hearing that they talked about this with Natasha. 

“I thought Bucky specifically counted the money? I was with him and he said it was all there,” I said. 

That got Natasha’s attention and she looked at me with a parted lip expression. “Bucky went with you?” 

I nodded. “Last week. He was going to send me with Sam but he was out sick and Steve was busy so Bucky just came with me.” 

“He didn’t mention that,” Natasha muttered to herself. 

“I’m not exactly sure what happened. Bucky said to meet him here so we can head over to Thor’s club,” Steve shrugged. 

At the mention of his name, Bucky appeared almost out of nowhere and was surprised to not only see Natasha there but me there as well, still working. 

“Sweetheart, I didn’t know you were coming by. I told you I was going to be late tonight,” Bucky said. 

She laid a very deep kiss upon his lips, clearly one that Bucky had no problem returning. I had to look away not only because of the jealousy that filled me but the awkwardness I felt between them. Nothing happened between Bucky and I so there was no reason to feel this way. But I couldn’t help it, especially with how different Bucky had been acting when it was only him and I together. 

Steve didn’t miss the hurt look in my eyes. 

“I wanted to surprise you. I thought that we could get a few minutes together before you had to leave,” Natasha’s fingers dragged down the front of Bucky’s chest and lingered over his belt. 

She clearly didn’t care that Steve and I were there still, watching this unfold. 

Bucky shifted uncomfortably under her touch and when our eyes met, I had to look away, hoping he couldn’t tell how hurt I was watching them. 

He did. 

“Nat, I’m sorry but I don’t have any time for this,” Bucky sighed while taking her hands off of him. 

“Well, I guess I’ll go back home then and wait for you.” She ran a hand through her hair, the hurt and embarrassment clear on her face. 

Bucky shook his head before he motioned to his office. “I’ve got two minutes. Why don’t you tell me about your day?” 

That brightened up Natasha’s face as she eagerly nodded and followed Bucky into his office, the door left wide open. I couldn’t help but watch as they conversed quietly amongst themselves, the smile that played at Bucky’s lips sunk my heart deep into my stomach and it was weighed down when he moved a strand of hair out of Natasha’s face, tucking it behind her ear. 

How I longed and wished that was me. 

Steve sighed as he sat on the edge of my desk and looked down at me, arms crossed over his chest. 

“What?” I asked, not bothering to take my eyes off of Bucky. 

“You’re staring at him again,” he observed. 

Embarrassed, I looked down at my feet and shrugged. “I’m not. I simply looked over in that direction and he was there.” 

“Then why was that look on your face?” Steve snickered. 

“What?” I shook my head. “What look?” 

Steve bore his own hurt expression. “Everytime you look at him, you get this certain spark in your eyes. Almost as if you’re looking at the night sky.” 

“And?” 

He let out a broken breath. “You love the night sky.” 

My heart dropped again, only this time it was because of how hurt Steve sounded and suddenly I realized why he felt that way. 

“Oh, Steve,” I breathed while standing to my feet. 

My hand went to cup his cheek but he was quick to stand, Bucky and Natasha walking out of the office. I didn’t have the chance to talk to Steve about what I realized because he had moved away from me, almost as if I had breathed a sickness on him. 

“I’ll see you when I get home, alright?” Bucky placed a kiss on Natasha’s lips. 

I averted my gaze to my shoes and danced on my heels. 

“Y/N, do you want me to wait for you and we can walk to our cars together?” She suggested. 

“Oh, I-.” I stumbled over my words, trying to rack my brain for an excuse as to why I couldn’t leave quite yet. 

I knew the only reason why Natasha wanted to walk with me to my car was to make sure that I wasn’t alone with Bucky yet again. 

“She’s finishing up some work for me. Not worth it to have you wait around,” Bucky spoke for me. 

I gave him a small smile of thanks. 

They said another quick goodbye and when she was gone, I crossed my arms over my chest while leaning all of my weight onto my left foot. 

“So, Thor low balled you with the cash yet again?” I asked Bucky with a raised brow. 

He sighed. “Don’t worry about it. Steve and I will handle it.” 

“What’s the real reason why you’re going to New Asgard?” 

Bucky and Steve looked at me with slight shock. 

“How do you know the name of his club?” Steve asked. 

I shrugged as if it was no big deal. “I’ve been there once or twice. It’s a crazy place and there’s only two reasons why people go there; sex and drugs.” 

Bucky ran a hand over his beard. “Is that why you went there?” 

I didn’t miss the jealousy in his voice. 

“Hell no. I went with my friend Wanda a year ago after she lost her boyfriend. She wanted to let loose and she did. It wasn’t my scene.” 

“But I do know that you’re not going to get in just the two of you,” I continued. “New Asgard has a strict rule of allowing male members inside when they’re alone.” 

Steve spoke next. “I’m sure if we tell them that we were there to talk with Thor, they’ll let us in.” 

I snorted. “If you wanted to talk with him, why don’t you meet with him at Asgard Industries?” 

The two men shared a look again, not saying a word. 

“So if you want to get into his club, you’re going to need me,” I said while getting my things together. 

“Fuck no,” Bucky shook his head. “I’m not letting you go anywhere near Thor especially after how he was acting around you the last time.” 

I shrugged before slipping into my jacket. “Which is exactly why you need me tonight. I can distract him while the two of you do whatever it is you need to do. I’m assuming that is top secret mob boss stuff.” 

Their silence gave me their answer. 

“So,” I nodded. “I’ll meet you outside the club in one hour.” 

“Where are you going?” Steve questioned. 

“Home to change. Business attire isn’t exactly New Asgard dress code,” I informed him. 

Bucky shook his head in disagreement while grabbing my elbow to stop me. “I don’t like the idea of you throwing yourself onto Thor to help out Steve and I. We’re not going to be there in case something happens.” 

The fire from his touch burned all of my insides and I resisted the urge to taste him. So instead, I gently removed myself from his grasp. 

“Too bad it’s not up to you. I’ll meet you out front in one hour.” 

I ignored their protests, knowing that whatever their true intentions were tonight, that they needed me in order to distract Thor. 

My heels clicked loudly against the pavement in tangent with the loud bass blaring from the club as I walked up. There was a long line of people, waiting to get inside, but I knew that in order to get inside, there was no point in waiting in line. There was a slight chill in the air tonight as it wrapped around me, the bottom of my very tight dress doing nothing to warm my legs as it stopped just below my ass. The low cut was very revealing and the red color choice was perfect for tonight. 

Not for Thor but for Bucky. 

Word around the office was that he loved his women in red. 

I found the two men whispering to each other and when I walked up, it seized, both of their eyes drinking in my appearance. Steve simply licked his lips as his eyes looked me up and down. 

Bucky, however, wore a look I had never seen before. His breath caught in his throat while his jaw dropped, eyes turning dark. 

“Hi boys,” I smiled. 

Steve let out a low whistle. “You clean up nice.” 

“Thank you, Steve.” I looked towards Bucky, who still hadn’t uttered a word. 

“Cat got your tongue?” I teased. 

His tongue rolled slowly over his bottom lip and the sheer desire I felt oozing from his stare froze my feet in place. I suddenly felt small in front of him as his eyes grazed up from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, taking his sweet time over the swell of my chest. His eyes showed what he didn’t say; Bucky wanted to taste every inch of me and my skin burned with the thought. 

“Should we, uh, head inside?” I asked. 

Reluctantly, the men nodded and they followed me to the front of the line where one of Thor’s men stood with a clipboard in his hand, like the typical bouncer at a club. 

“Ms. Y/N, how are you? It’s been awhile,” he smiled. 

“Hello Heimdall!” I cheered while stepping into his open arms. “I’m sure Thor told you that he was expecting us tonight?” 

I nodded over my shoulder to Steve and Bucky, who were not too keen on me having this man's arms around me. 

Heimdall looked past me and wore a low scowl. “You know how we feel about outsiders on our streets, Y/N.” 

I let out a fake sigh. “I know and I’m so sorry. But I needed to see Thor and these two wouldn’t let me go alone. Something about New Asgard being too dangerous for a girl like me.” 

“As if you couldn’t handle yourself here. I’ve seen it a few times,” Heimdall reminded me. 

I snorted. “And yet you guys still allow me to come back.” 

Bucky sneaked up behind me, his hand ghosting over my lower back, and I felt his warm breath against my ear. “We need to get inside now, doll.” 

My body shivered and I peered down at his phone when I saw that he was showing me something. 

I’m alright, boss. But I can’t promise that I’ll be alive in the next hour. I’m sorry I got caught again. I promise it won’t happen again as long as you get me out of here.

“Fucking Peter Parker,” I grumbled. 

So that was the reason why we were here, to save Peter’s ass. 

“The faster we get inside, the faster we can leave and these pathetic excuses of men stop gawking at you,” Bucky seethed. 

I saw what he was so upset about; a few men in the line waiting to go inside had averted looking from their dates to take in the sight of me. I smiled smugly towards Bucky. 

“Are you jealous?” 

His jaw tensed but remained silent, giving me my answer. I turned my attention back to Heimdall. 

“Well, it will be ten minutes, top. Promise,” I made an effort to make an X over my chest. 

Reluctantly, he nodded before stepping to the side, allowing the three of us to enter the club. 

The music radiated off of us and the heat from the packed bodies around us brought a fast sweat to my skin. Bucky and Steve were close to my side as we maneuvered our way through the crowd and over towards the bar. 

“So what did Parker get into this time?” I asked Bucky. 

He sighed. “He tried selling to Thor without knowing who he was so Thor was upset that Parker was dealing on his streets without getting a cut so now I have to save his ass.”

I ordered a drink from the bartender and smiled a thanks as she handed it to me. My eyes peered over the rim of the glass as I looked at Bucky. 

“I’m surprised you’re here to save him. I thought for sure it was a Steve or Sam kind of job,” I admitted. 

“He was adamant that he would come with me tonight,” Steve spoke from behind me. 

The feeling of his body pressed into my back from how close he was made me bite my lip when the large bulge in his pants pressed into the bareness of my thigh. This was a new feeling with Steve and as much as I loved the feeling of him pressed up against me, I knew that it would falter in a moment. 

“What’s the plan?” 

Bucky pointed with a vibranium finger towards a door far off in the distance. “That’s Thor’s office and most likely where he’s keeping Parker. You need to distract Thor long enough for Steve and I to save Parker.” 

I tossed back the rest of my drink and nodded. “Shouldn’t be too hard.” 

“Hey,” Bucky grasped my hand, linking our fingers together. There was a shock that filled the both of us but I pushed the feeling to the side. 

“Can you promise that if you get a bad feeling, you leave? Meet in my car down the road?” 

I nodded. “Of course.” 

With a gentle squeeze, our hands dropped and I frowned at the sudden chill I felt but pushed on, hoping to find Thor in the crowded club. 

After a few minutes of searching and avoiding grabbing hands of the random men, I spotted Thor on the second level, sitting in his own secluded section. Our eyes locked and through gritted teeth, I forced a smile and gave him a wave. The look of excitement that crossed his lips did nothing to ease my nerves. He had been so persistent the other day when I first met him that I was a bit afraid of how he would be tonight. 

With a quick wave, I ascended up the steps to his section and had no issue passing the guard at the top of the stairs. 

“I was hoping you would show,” Thor beamed. 

“I did text you, didn’t I?” The fakeness in my voice scared me. 

He motioned to the open spot next to him on the couch. “Care for a drink?” 

I shook my head. “I’ve already had one, thank you. I’ve got to work in the morning.” 

Thor and I leaned back into the couch, his arm resting on the edge behind me. His long blonde hair had been braided back out of his face and his beard had been trimmed nicely. If I wasn't so creeped out with how forward he had been before, I would have found him attractive. 

“Barnes has you working late nights and early mornings, eh?” Thor asked. 

I shook my head yet again. “It isn't so bad. I did get to meet you, so that’s a perk.” 

My hand rested against his arm and I gave it a slight squeeze. Thor leaned in closer, his breath fanning against the crook of my neck, and his own hand began rubbing up and down the bare skin of my thigh. I froze under his touch. 

“Why don’t we move this to my office? Much more private there,” his lips brushed against my skin. 

I tried to move away from him but his grip on the inside of my thigh tightened. 

“You know what, I forgot my phone down at the bar. I should go grab it,” I lied. 

Thor ignored me so I placed my hands over his to try to stop him but suddenly, vibranium fingers wrapped around his throat and I let out a small scream, scooting farther away. Bucky had Thor pinned against the couch, his oxygen getting cut off instantly. 

“If I see you touching her like that again, I’ll make sure you end your life without a second breath, understood?” Bucky fumed. 

Thor couldn’t speak so he nodded and Bucky tossed him to the floor, his loud gasps of air echoing around us. Bucky was quick at my side scoping me up to my feet, his arms locked safely around me. 

“Are you alright, doll?” He asked. 

I shook my head, trying to find my words, but my throat had closed up, not being able to speak. Redness covered me with embarrassment as I allowed this to happen, Thor getting that close to me. I wanted to help out Bucky and Steve so I let my guard down. 

“Don’t do that,” Bucky cupped my cheeks. “Do not blame yourself, Y/N. This wasn’t your fault.” 

It was as if he read my mind, knowing that I was blaming myself. 

I nodded in his grasp. “Can you take me home?” 

Bucky’s lips ghosted in my hairline and I melted into his embrace, my hands grasping at his back. 

“Of course, doll.” 

[lives-in-midgard]

They All Love You

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Bucky and the Avengers ask reader to move in with them.

Word Count: 1640

Request: Hi!! Can I please request a Bucky x civilian!fem!reader one shot (Everyone lives au!) where Y/n is moving into the Avengers HQ to lives with her bf Bucky?.... [Full request here]

A/N: Thank you so much for sending this request I hope you and everyone else like how this turned out!

Divider is made by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

It’s been almost a year since you and Bucky started dating. You met each other when Bucky was looking for something specific in a store and luckily you were there to help him. Bucky came back often and one day he asked for your phone number. Bucky didn’t care that you have a civilian job. He actually really likes that you have a normal job, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s very protective of you.

After dating for a few months, you finally met the Avengers. You were nervous at first, but everyone was very nice and friendly to you. You were there several times and were able to get very close to them, especially Steve and Sam.

You cuddled and talked with Bucky in bed. He gently rubbed your back as you told him about your current life situation. Living with your roommate wasn’t going well at the moment. That was also one of the reasons why you had been more on the compound than at your home lately. Of course, Bucky and the others were happy to have you there. Bucky listened intently to everything you said and gave you a kiss on the forehead when you said how sad you were about it.

“Why don’t you move in here?” Bucky asked suddenly and you looked up at him. Into his beautiful eyes and a smile forming on his lips.

“I don’t know Bucky. Do you think the others would be okay with it?” You asked shyly and Bucky pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Of course they would be okay with it. Doll, you know they all love you. Not as much as I do, but they really love you.” You chuckled at the last part and then cupped his cheeks but before kissing him you said.

“I love you so much.” After breaking the kiss, you smiled at each other.

“But I have to think about it…. moving in is a big change. For everyone here.”

“It’s okay doll, you don’t have to decide now.” Bucky smiled and you laid your head back on his chest and he put his arm around you.

A few hours later it was time for dinner and you both went downstairs to join the others. You had a delicious meal and then went into the living room.

You sat next to Bucky and held his hand while you talked with the others, laughing, and had a great time together until Steve asked you about the situation between you and your roommate. You told him a while ago and the others also know how frustrated you are because of your roommate.

“No, nothing has changed.” Steve gave you a sad look, then looked at Sam and then at Bucky next to you. Bucky nodded at him and Steve smiled at you.

“There is something we wanted to ask you for a while now.” Steve began to say.

“We?” You asked and looked around. The other Avengers nodded and smiled at you.

“We’re all happy to have you here on the compound, and we know how you feel about your roommate.” Steve paused and you could imagine what he was going to say next.

“So we all had the idea that you could move in here.” Sam finished what Steve started to say. You didn’t know what to say, so you were quiet for a moment. Of course it would be great to move in with Bucky and the others. When Bucky noticed that you were getting nervous, he squeezed your hand and gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, I would definitely like to move in here but-” You wanted to say more but were interrupted by Tony.

“Then we have the answer. You’re moving in here.” Tony announced with a smile. You giggled and looked over at Bucky. You smiled at Steve and Sam and then turned to Tony and the others.

“But I’m definitely going to need help getting my stuff here.”

“We will help you, right Sam?” Steve said.

“Of course we will.” Sam answered and you chuckled.

And that was right, they really helped you. You and Bucky, Steve and Sam drove to your apartment the next day and they helped you packing and brining everything to the compound. Luckily, your roommate wasn’t there because you weren’t sure what Bucky, Steve and Sam would do or say if they met her.

“Doll, I’m so glad you moved in here.” Bucky whispered as you cuddled in bed at night.

“Me too.”

Time has passed and you really loved that you decided to move in with them. You have a lot of fun and enjoy spending more time with them. You always take a morning run with Steve and Sam, sometimes Bucky joins as well. Sometimes you go to gym in the compound and train with Bucky and Steve. You also spend a lot of time with Wanda and Natasha. And of course Thor and Loki are also happy to see you when they come to visit.

You love waking up and falling asleep in your boyfriend’s loving embrace every day.

There is always someone there to spend time with. But they are all also very protective over you. If you have to leave for work early, Bucky will drive you. When Bucky was on a mission, they were all there for you. There were all so protective that they always noticed when something was wrong.

This day was one of those days. You came home from a hard day at work. You got home in time for dinner. When you parked your car outside, you saw Bucky waiting for you. Before got out of your car, you took a deep breath because you were still a little stressed and nervous. By the time you got out of the car and walked over to Bucky, he already tell that something was wrong.

“Everything okay, doll?” Bucky asked, but you didn’t want to tell him.

“Sure.” Bucky didn’t believe you, but he didn’t want to push you either. Bucky grabbed your hand, and you went upstairs to have dinner with the others. During dinner you were very quiet and didn’t talk much. You noticed Steve’s worried look. Sam smiled at you and tried to start a conversation, but it didn’t really work. After dinner, you and Bucky went to his room.

“Buck, is it okay if I go downstairs training for a bit?” You asked after a while.

“Sure, doll. Should I come with you?”

“No, it’s okay. I want to go alone.” When you said that Bucky had a worried look on his face.

“Are you sure everything’s, okay?” Bucky asked again and you nodded. Then you put on your gym clothes and went downstairs. You thought you would be alone, but when you entered the gym, you saw Steve and Sam working out.

“Hey y/n” Sam greeted you and so did Steve.

“I thought I was the only one downstairs right now.” You mumbled and Steve and Sam looked at each other.

“You won’t even notice us.” Sam said and you let out a small laugh. You walked over to a table and picked up one of the boxing bandages. You were about to put it on your hand when Steve walked over to you.

“Let me help you, sweetheart.” Steve put it gently on your hands while you stayed still.

“Thank you, Steve.”

“You’re welcome. If you need anything, we’re here.” You nodded and then walked to the boxing area. You started boxing and after a while you were so busy letting out your anger that you didn’t even notice the worried looks from Steve and Sam. What you also didn’t notice was that they left after a while. They went to Bucky and told him that something must be wrong, and he decided to go to you.

You didn’t realize that Bucky was there until he stood next to you and gently touched your shoulder. You flinched and looked at Bucky.

“Sorry for scaring you, doll.” Bucky looked very worried.

“It’s okay, Buck.”

“What’s wrong doll, and please don’t say nothing.” He said softly. You looked away for a second and then back at Bucky.

“I just had a really bad day at work and a lot happened.”

“Oh, doll, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not sure.” You answered and were quiet for a moment until you asked.

"What would you have done if I had told you about my bad day sooner?"

"What I would have done?" He asked and you nodded.

"I would have hugged you straight away, rubbed your back and kissed you on the forehead. Then we would cuddle in bed all night long until you feel better." Bucky finished with a smile.

"Can we still do that now?" You asked shyly and Bucky smiled at you.

"Of course we can." Bucky said and smiled at you.

"How about we start with a hug, doll?" He said and you nodded, then he wrapped his arms around you. You laid your head on his chest. He rubbed your back and kissed your forehead like he promised. After a few minutes you pulled away and he gave you a soft kiss on the cheek.

"And now let's go upstairs to cuddle. But let me help you take those of before.” He said when he looked at your hand. Bucky gently removed your boxing bandages and then kissed the back of your hand.

"Now let's go cuddle." Bucky said, taking your hand in his. You went into his room and did exactly what he said earlier. Well, you were really glad that Steve and Sam were so protective, otherwise Bucky probably wouldn’t have come to you.

Taglist:

@marvelogic | @eviebuggg | @buckys-wintersoldier | @nicoline1998enilocin | @kandis-mom | @sergeantbarnessdoll | @noellez-best-life23 | @beaubbdoll | @buckskemp | @ratchildspartan | @scott-loki-barnes |  @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 | @mrsbuckybarnes1917

[stormy-river]

Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 7

As I finished this, I discovered it's been exactly one year since I posted the last Transcript. A lot has happened in that year; I've graduated college :) . I want to thank everyone for the support I've received, and I hope to get back into some of my creative projects and give you guys an opportunity to laugh, and maybe learn something. This one is inspired by a request from @a-romantic-twst from forever ago; I hope it was worth the wait (sorry about that). (It's about periods if anyone's uncomfortable with that and wants to skip this one.)

------

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller: "Hello, Mindy, I am very concerned about one of the humans on my ship."

O: "What seems to be the problem?"

C: "Well, I'm the chief medical officer and this particular human has been on the ship for just over two Earth months now. On two separate occasions during that time, she has requested strong painkillers citing 'Shark Week' as the reason. I looked into what 'Shark Week' is, and found an Earth television special about certain aquatic predators, and I'm unsure how that could cause a human physical pain lightyears from Earth?"

O: "Interesting, is there anything else you can tell me about this human during these events?"

C: "Yes, I've also received reports from other crewmembers around these events that this human is not as outgoing as usual, and shows signs of discomfort with facial expressions and changes in appetite, but does not respond well to the standard psychological protocols for team building and social connection."

O: "What about the timing? You said this has happened twice, correct? How much time was between them?"

C: "Yes, I've documented both with dates. The human requested the painkillers twice, 28 days apart. The crew reported signs of distress for a few days following each request, and two times in the day before the first request."

O: "Alright, I believe your human is using the phrase, "Shark Week" as a euphemism for the start of the menstrual cycle, which is often referred to as a 'period'. To put it simply, one of the female reproductive organs sheds its inner lining roughly once an Earth month, lasting anywhere from a few days to a full week."

C: "Similar to how the Rythyani shed and replace their stomach linings?"

O: "Yes, though the uterus has blood vessels that extend into that lining, so shedding also causes bleeding."

C: "Bleeding? How much blood is lost? Why has she not requested bandages or a transfusion?"

O: "For most, a period is not life-threatening. The amount of blood loss does not require a transfusion to replace, or bandages to stop, though iron deficiency may be a concern for some that can be easily remedied through their diet. Ultimately, your human will know her body and how to handle her cycle best. We learn to deal with periods from a relatively young age. You should have received a human anatomy and physiology textbook when the first human joined your crew. Do you have it?"

C: "Yes, though I do admit I have not yet had the time to read it."

O: "That's alright. The chapter on human reproductive systems goes into more detail about the biology of the menstrual cycle than I can tell you. For the time being, make sure your human knows that she can ask for support if needed, and inform your crew that not all humans will be happy all the time, and they don't need to be. Over time, you will gain a better understanding your humans' patterns. Until then, trust them to express their needs, and talk to them if you have specific concerns. I can give general advice, but they will know themselves best."

C: "Thank you for clearing up the confusion, Mindy, I will look into this and update the protocols as necessary. I have no more questions for you at this time."

O: "You are very welcome, please don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

End Transmission

[gazorninplat]

As much as I love Disco Elysium, I think I was not prepared for Sacred and Terrible Air. Of course, I was expecting to know more about the world of Elysium as a whole, and Robert Kurvitz is a very good writer, but the thesis of the novel (and how it makes its points) flash-banged me.

Disco Elysium this is not, and it wasn’t supposed to be, but I think I can understand better now what the team at ZA/UM was getting at with this specific setting, and these specific narrative angles. Kinda messy, because it’s been a week since I finished it, but here are some things I’d like to highlight: 

1. The pedophilia. I surely wasn’t expecting this to be such a central theme of the novel, but a lot of its main points revolve around it. The most interesting use of this, as a narrative device, is how the girlfriend of Jesper basically accuses him of being a pedophile because he cannot relate to the adults around him. He’s still obsessed with a girl he met when he was 13 years old, and fetishizes a scrunchie he stole from her bag two decades ago. Yeah, I guess Jesper, well into his thirties, is still in love with a 13 year old girl. His girlfriend is almost half his age, and they started dating when she was 15 years old and a lingerie model (!). Zigi mentions how pedophilia was a bougie disease, and well… That idea went right into my thought cabinet (I call it “Bougie Babies for Sale).

Still processing it.

Now, let’s go back to the rest of the main characters. With all this in mind, a pedophilic overtone covers their interest in these four missing girls, but Jasper is the only one who acts on it, sort of. Khan remains in a sort of arrested development (he still uses a shirt he had when he was 13), foregoing normal adult relationships, and Tereesz joins the police as an investigator with the idea of still finding them some day (essentially letting these eternally prepubescent girls define his entire existence), leading him to a very dark path. I wonder if the brutality they afford to the “actual” pedophiles in the story (Vidkun Hird and the Linoleum Salesman) comes from the realization that they are not that different?

2. Obviously, though, this fetishization of the Lund sisters is also a fetishization of the past. The novel states it in the first few pages; they disappeared twenty years ago, in a time that most conservative people remember as the “good old days”. Basically their version of the American Fifties. Now, being obsessed with the past is a running theme in both SaTA and DE, but the angle here is different.

I already said it: the past is not remembered, is fetishized with an almost sexual yearning by a lot of the male characters of the book. They want to be consumed by it (and lucky them! It will) and do nothing more than serve it. It reminds me of a poem by Yamil Nardil Sadek, which, translated to the best of my ability, goes like: 

She awaits me

sitting on the bed,

wearing leather,

and armed to the teeth,

the Memory.

Yeah, that sums up Sacred and Terrible Air pretty well. Everyone is being consumed by the past, bite by bite, and enjoying it. Vidkun Hird, by the mythologized version of his tribe’s history; Sarjan Ambartsumjan, by a miniature ship model that requires constant, devoted thought or else it will disappear, the three main characters by the memory of that summer with the Lund girls. Even the Linoleum Salesman is being haunted and consumed, of sorts, by his sickness and dementia that only sometimes let him take a peek of the past. Beyond that, there are very few characters that do not spend time being followed by relentless ghosts. Literally, in the case of Zigi. Which brings me to…

3. The Pale. It was a really cool concept in Disco Elysium, and it’s an existential nightmare in Sacred and Terrible Air. It always was, really. But here it lets you take a look into it in a way that’s applicable in real life. The Pale is a metaphor for many things, but actually for a single one: A world where our current Capitalist reality facilitates both apathy and yearning for better days, often idealized in our collective pasts.

My favorite scene, one that was incredibly puzzling but so obvious in retrospect, is a beautiful speech by the ghost (?) of Ignus Nilsen to Zigi. I will just paste it here:

“I said terrible things, yes! I stood on a white horse, in a blizzard, and gave speeches. In the mountains, on the construction site… I swung my sword, with silver sunbeams on the hilt. And all around me fluttered white flags, crests of crowned horns made with silver thread, a pentagon between the prongs of the horns, the branches raised to heaven. Everyone who came here with me became happy, Zigi! Communism is powerful! Believe in Communism, it’s a burst of enthusiasm! I promise! It’s beautiful when you believe in a person, but without it…!”

“Without it, there is nothing.”

“Nothing. It was a blizzard, but it was bright, it was morning. Communism is white, it sparkles! Communism is the morning, it is a jubilation!” 

The Pale begins to recede dangerously around the entroponaut.

The fucking Pale recedes with talk of Communism! At first it might appear a little heavy handed (yeah, Communism, by itself, could save the world). But then I got into how Communism could be a solution to the antipathy and chronic nostalgia that sustain Capitalism, and then it hit me. Nilsen, a literal ghost from the past, is talking about a future that could have been. That he wanted to accomplish. That people, probably, can still achieve. The Pale is not eternal, it can be pushed back. Because the Pale seems to subsist on the past, it abhors any talk of the future. A better future. That’s how we solve things, and for a central thesis, is not bad at all.

With that being said, and because I’m just rambling here while pretending I’m working, there are also some things that I just didn’t understand, but maybe it was because of the translation. The original novel is written in a very poetic style, and some of that is still here, but I still need to untangle…

1. The Man. It is said that the day the Lund girls disappeared, they were joined by a mysterious Man that nobody seemed to remember correctly. A character even suspects that she was remembering wrong. Now, the Pale erases people and memories retroactively, so maybe it had something to do with it, but… Who was that? Is there any theory about that Man, or I just missed something? Some scenes and narrations were tough to parse for me (my primary language is not English).

2. Was Malin Lund pregnant? That flash with the fetus was sudden and weird.

3. What was the significance of the three meat piroshkis? They mention that it was unusual that the girls bought them (and if you do the math, you can realize early on that they were not planning to get back home. That purchase didn’t leave them enough money for the bus fare back), but that’s it. Were they for the Man? Also, the narration mentions that Lund girls’ picnic basket contained “the kind of things girls like to eat”, so maybe they were planning to see the boys and bring them the kind of things boys eat? I’m overthinking that? The chapter actually titled “Three Meat Piroshkis” just left me even more confused.

4. I don’t understand how Khan’s pen works at all. The one he brought to the school reunion. That was the part I re-read the most. Anyway, even with that, I loved Sacred and Terrible Air. Definitely one of the most enthralling reads I had, with or without the background of Disco Elysium. I’d still like an official translation that could potentially solve the issues I had, but for now, a Top 10 Book for me.

Go for it now.

[helloalycia]

𝐈 𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐑 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] // 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐘 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐃

summary: Lucy Gray has always been there for you, the only person you care for as much as you do. So much, in fact, that when you discover Mayfair's plan to have her reaped in the Hunger Games, you know you have to stop it. Even if it means giving up your own life.

warning/s: the usual warnings that come with the Hunger Games.

author's note: okay so someone requested another lucy gray imagine where reader volunteers for her, so that’s what i did but kinda did it a little bit different as the usual volunteering storyline feels very been there done that lol. Hope you all like it anyway! there’s a second part too :)

two / masterlist / wattpad

It had been a long a day, my feet hurting from being stood up for so long and my exhaustion from working a long shift worsening by the second. But as soon as the clock hit 5pm, all my energy returned and I was quick to leave my apron behind as I left. Working at a crockery stall in the markets wasn't a terrible job, and it paid decently, but some days dragged longer than others and I only wished for it to end.

Thankfully, tonight was also a night that the Covey performed at the Hob, so I made my way over there, specifically behind it where the musical group got ready before performances in an abandoned garage they claimed as theirs. I always met before their shows, wanting to wish them luck and also because Lucy Gray, my best friend, would never let me hear the end of it if I didn't stop by beforehand.

"There you are!" Maude Ivory, the youngest of the group, called me over once I stepped in the open door. "You took forever!"

"I'm like two minutes late, Maude Ivory," I defended myself, and a smile fell on my lips when I saw her pouting. "Sorry."

"Can you braid my hair like last time?" she asked politely, already turning around and readying herself for me.

"I sure can," I agreed, smiling at the others as they got ready before moving to braid Maude Ivory's hair.

It didn't take long, just a simple braid around the crown of her head, complementing the rest of her hair that was left out in a way that made her look like a princess. Adorable.

"Oh, I love it!" she gushed, immediately looking in the mirror to appreciate it, and I watched her with a smile. "Thank you, Y/N!"

"No problem," I said dismissively.

"Wow, you look beautiful, Maude Ivory," Lucy Gray appeared beside me, smiling down at the younger girl, and then she gave me a playful look. "Favouritism much?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "All you had to do was ask."

She immediately took a seat on the chair Maude Ivory was moments ago. When I didn't move, she glanced over her shoulder at me with a knowing nod. "Well, go on then."

I rolled my eyes lightheartedly before moving to braid her hair next, squeezing her shoulder slightly in retaliation, and I knew she was smiling all the same. As I'd done many times before, I combed out Lucy Gray's curly hair with my fingers, unknotting it the best I could, before separating it into two parts and giving her two over-the-shoulder braids.

"You done?" she asked impatiently, definitely trying to annoy me.

I finished tying off the second braid before rounding the chair to take a look. Her brown eyes looked up at me adorably, and even though she did nothing special, my heart fluttered in my chest at the attention.

Okay, so maybe I liked her a little more than friends, but I couldn't help it. She was the only person I had in my life that meant something to me, the only one who truly cared. After becoming friends many years ago because we happened to play in the park together as kids, she was stuck with me, and I suppose my gratitude for having her in my life turned into adoration somewhere along the way.

The only real family I had was my father, but he had been bitter towards me since my mum died only a few years after I was born. He hated me without saying it, and I sought love in friendship with Lucy Gray. Though, it was so much more than that on my end. But she could never know, for I'd rather have her in my life like this than not at all. And I would never risk jeopardising that, ever.

"Don't move," I warned her, before leaving the garage for a moment to pick a flower I'd seen just outside.

When I returned, I was surprised to see her sat how I'd left her, though pouting. I carefully slid the flower at the top of her braid, near her ear, and stepped back to admire my work.

"You're done, Little Miss Impatient," I finally said with a stifled smile.

She gave me a disapproving look before moving to the mirror to check it out. Her facade faltered as a warm smile tugged at her lips and she admired the view.

"Okay, I'll let you off since this is pretty nice," she said jokingly.

"Wow, only nice? I thought it was much more than that," I played along.

Her smile widened as she approached me, before kissing me on the cheek and hugging me briefly. I was expecting neither, my brain short circuiting as quickly as she pulled away.

"It's beautiful, Y/N, thank you," she said truthfully, losing her humour. When I didn't know what to say, too busy trying not to think about her lips against my cheek, she said, "You're stayin', right?"

I blinked, dazed. "Huh?"

She began to chuckle, and then her question truly sank in and I cleared my throat, nodding.

"I– yes, I am," I said, giving her a small smile. "Where else would I be?"

She rolled her eyes playfully before turning to the others. "Right, guys, are we ready to blow everyone's socks off?!"

As always, I enjoyed my evening at the Hob, cheering the Covey on and staying for all their performances as promised. It was always so lovely in there, except for the occasional fight that would break out between the miners and Peacekeepers, but none of that happened tonight. I was tired by the end of it all, as were the others, but as we all walked out together, Lucy Gray tugged my hand back.

"Hm?" I said, yawning as I looked to her.

"Are you in a rush to get home?" she asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"No, why?" I asked curiously.

Excited, she said, "Come to the lake with me."

I quirked a brow. "Now?"

Expression softening, she nodded. "Yeah, it'll be nice. It's a clear night too."

Another yawn escaped my lips and I covered my mouth before shaking my head. "I dunno, I'm a little tired and it's getting late."

"C'mon," she insisted, before grabbing my hand and forcing me to follow her, but not before looking to the others and adding, "I'll see you guys later!"

"Don't make too much noise when you're back!" Barb Azure, the eldest of their group, warned her.

"I won't," Lucy Gray mumbled, and then we were off and I just about managed to wish everyone a goodnight behind me before we were too far from them.

"How aren't you tired?" I asked as I fell into step with her, accepting my defeat and knowing I couldn't really decline her offer anyway. "You've been onstage all night."

She shrugged. "I'm a little tired, but I wanted to spend more time with you. You've been workin' loads lately."

I sighed, feeling a little bad. "Sorry, it's the house. Payments are falling behind and my dad is getting on my back and–"

"Hey, I'm not complainin'," she stopped me. "I just miss you."

A small smile crept on my lips at her unwavering honesty – that was one thing I'd always envied about her. She could say how she was feeling without overthinking how it could be perceived, whereas I was the complete opposite.

"I'm right here," I assured her, and then she glanced at me with a smile that warmed my heart.

"How is he?" she asked. "He still standoffish with you?"

"Isn't he always?" I said, a little bitterly, before shaking my head. "Never mind him anyway. Doesn't matter."

Probably sensing my mood, she said, "You're right, it doesn't. You have me."

I was glad it was dark out, otherwise she would've seen the pink dusting my cheeks.

We continued our walk to the lake, talking and trying to stay awake long enough to make it there. It was a long walk on a regular day, but tonight it felt even longer because of the constant stepping around and trying to find our way in the dim light of the moon peeking through the trees. Still, it was comforting to be around Lucy Gray instead of back home where my dad would no doubt be on my case, so I savoured the time together.

By the time we reached the lake – in particular, a spot where a cabin sat, with a dock and boat beside it – Lucy Gray and I were wide awake, any hint of exhaustion for the evening dispersing with our trek. We both took a seat at the edge of the dock, feet dangling over the side, and she nudged my arm gently.

"Look how pretty the water looks," she said with amazement, and I hummed in agreement.

It was beautiful out tonight, the lull of the water lapping over itself and shimmering in the moonlight providing the perfect view for a perfect evening. Being out here always put me at ease, but being out here with Lucy Gray was indescribable.

After a moment of quiet, she nudged me again and I took the hint, following her lead as we both lay on our backs to look up at the night sky. If the view before was great, then this was amazing. Stars filled the sky, dazzling and bright and filling me with a sense of awe. It was different than seeing the stars from my house – this was all open, isolated, peaceful. I loved it.

"How many have times have you been here at night?" I asked Lucy Gray curiously.

"Not a lot," she assured, "but enough to know that it'a perfect for stargazin', and you love that, so I wanted to show you."

I chuckled a little. "I do. Thanks."

Another quiet enveloped us, only the sound of the water, the trees rustling gently and some birds in the distance to be heard. I could have stayed like this forever. It certainly would have been an upgrade from my usual life.

"Did you see Billy Taupe earlier?" Lucy Gray asked suddenly.

Billy Taupe was her ex-boyfriend and an ex-member of the Covey, but we'd all be ignoring him for a few weeks now after we'd discovered he'd cheated on Lucy Gray with the mayor's daughter. As a result, him and said daughter, Mayfair Lipp, weren't fond of us, especially Mayfair, who seemed to hold a personal vendetta against Lucy Gray.

I nodded, glancing at her, but she was still looking at the sky. "Yeah. I avoided him, but him and Mayfair were glaring at me for sure."

She exhaled quietly, troubled.

"Did he say something?" I asked, attention fully on her now.

"He confronted me between one of my performances," she admitted, piquing both my interest and concern. "Started talkin' about how I needed to stop badmouthin' him to the rest of the Covey."

I furrowed my brows. "You haven't though. If anything, you barely mention him."

"Well, he doesn't seem to think that," she said with an eye roll.

I frowned, hating to see her upset at the likes of him yet again. "If he keeps bothering you, tell me. I'll have a word with him."

As if I'd said something hilarious, she began to smile and then laughter spilled from her lips. "You're cute, and I appreciate it, but you shouldn't get involved. Him and Mayfair are capable of a lot."

"Lucy Gray–" I started, ready to retort, but she cut me off with a serious stare, her smile fading.

"Promise me, Y/N," she said sternly, dark eyes boring into mine.

I gave in instantly, embarrassingly enough. "I promise."

Visibly relieved, she relaxed and nodded slightly before sitting up and stretching her arms. I watched for a moment, though thoughts of Billy Taupe and his foulness stuck in my mind. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Same with Mayfair? Didn't they have anything better to do?

"Say, you ever been for an evenin' swim under the stars?"

I blinked, barely paying attention. "What?"

She glanced down at me with a smirk, before standing up and beginning to step out of her dress. Realising what she was doing, I sat up and started to protest.

"Lucy Gray, it's gonna be cold and dark and–"

But she beat me to it, her dress pooling by my feet as she dove in from the edge of the dock. I wiped my face with mild annoyance as she splashed me, watching as she resurfaced with a laugh.

"C'mon, you gon' leave me hangin'?!" she exclaimed.

I narrowed my eyes at her with distaste, but as always, I couldn't say no to her. So, grumbling to myself petulantly, I stepped out of my own clothes and dove right into the water next to her. It was cold, as suspected, but as I resurfaced, my body was already getting used to the temperature. It was still the middle of summer, so it was actually quite refreshing in the evening heat, though my complaints of it being dark were still valid.

"Not bad, right?" Lucy Gray asked me with a grin.

I pushed my hair from my eyes and gave her a reluctant glance. "I suppose not."

Her grin only widened, and then she looked up, eyes reflecting the moonlight and shimmering like the water. "Look."

I looked up too, amazed by the sight of the sky yet again, but before I could say anything, Lucy Gray splashed my face with water, making me shriek with surprise.

"Lucy Gray!" I scolded, wiping my eyes as she laughed. "You did that on purpose!"

Her laughter only increased, and then I was attempting to splash her back, but she was swimming backwards and then I was swimming after her, her laughter filling the silence of the woods and brightening up the place more than the moon ever could. I eventually grabbed her and splashed her face enough for her to spit it out and cease her laughter.

"Okay, okay, you win!" she gave in, wiping her eyes before playfully glaring at me.

It was my turn to laugh and she rolled her eyes lightheartedly before swimming around me yet again.

We stayed there for a little longer, splashing about and talking about everything and nothing. It was easy to forget everything waiting for me back home, or my job that I didn't want to go to, or the reality of our lives. No, all I had to focus on right now was Lucy Gray's voice, her company, her.

But it was seriously getting late, no doubt past midnight now, and all good things couldn't last forever. We were floating on our backs, staring at the sky in a comfortable silence, and I hated that I had to interrupt it.

"We should go back," I said reluctantly, stopping floating. "If my dad realises–"

"Right, yeah," she agreed apologetically. "Come on."

We both climbed out the lake in a peaceful silence, tugging on our clothes and shoes and squeezing the water from our hair the best we could. As I was doing just that, I felt her eyes on me and looked up with a confused smile.

"What?" I asked, feeling the last of the water drip down my wrists as I let go of my hair.

She began to smile unabashedly. "I'm glad I have you. Thanks for coming tonight. For being here."

My face was heating up, but I played it off with a playful eye roll. "Weirdo."

She chuckled quietly, shaking her head, before leading the way back to the Seam.

It had been a long day at work and the last thing I wanted was to come home to my father being grumpy, and yet that was what I'd gotten a few days later.

As soon as I walked in, I saw him home too, looking around the kitchen with a clenched jaw. He must have just got back from the mines, judging from the coal dust covering his clothes and skin.

"Hey, dad," I greeted politely, though already feeling tense because he didn't seem to be in a good mood.

"The hell is all this?" he asked me, ignoring my greeting and instead motioning to the dishes on the table.

"What do you mean?" I asked with confusion, leaving my bag by the door.

"It's a mess in here," he said with irritation. "Did you not clean up?"

"Dad, I've been at work all day," I reminded him, sensing he'd had a bad day at work, because he wasn't usually this hostile. "When would I have cleaned up?"

He raised his eyebrows, as if I'd said something absurd. "Excuse me?"

I swallowed hard, not liking the way he sneered at me. "I–," I started, but stopped because I didn't know what to say. Technically, they were his dishes. His mess.

"Y'know, I work really hard to keep us alive," he said with a glare. "And the least you could do is keep the place tidy. You do fuck all anyway!"

I clenched my jaw, frowning and trying my best to contain my annoyance. "I know you do. But these were your dishes. From breakfast. I didn't even eat, I just left."

"Oh, so it's my fault?! That what you're saying?!"

"You're not listening!" I couldn't help but shout, getting sick and tired of his behaviour. "Look, you might have had a bad day at work, but you can't just take it out on me!"

"You don't know what I get up to at work!" he shouted right back. "It's not like yours, standing there, looking pretty! It's hard labour! Something you could never understand!" Then he motioned around and added, "Clearly! This place is a tip!"

I clenched my fists behind my back, but my anger was building up. "It's a tip because of you, dad! You leave it a mess! Then you come back and you blame it on me!"

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" he yelled. "Have some respect!"

"Then actually try and listen to what I'm–!"

I couldn't even finish because he suddenly slapped me across the face, a sharp, blinding slap that knocked me off my feet for a second, leaving me stumbling into the kitchen table. I blinked, tears pooling in my eyes.

"Clean this place up," he snapped, before turning around to go to his room, slamming the door behind him.

I breathed out slowly, eyes burning now, and tried to ignore the pins and needles on my cheek. It wasn't the first time he'd hit me, and I should have been used to it, but it still took me by surprise sometimes. I hated it. I hated him. I would have done anything to leave, but I had nowhere to go.

Needing to get out of there as I calmed down, I left through the front door, waiting by the side of the house. I took in some fresh air and wiped furiously at my tears. He was the worst father a child could ask for, but he was the only one I had.

My face was hot and I was glad I couldn't see my reflection, knowing it would just be red on one side. As I finished wiping the last of my tears, I heard footsteps from behind me and sucked up a breath before turning around, worried it might be my father, back for round two. Thankfully it wasn't, but it was Lucy Gray.

She was smiling at first, then her eyes took in my expression and it faded instantly.

"What happened?" she asked straight away, stopping before me.

"Nothing," I assured her, though my cheek was still flaming, and she wasn't stupid.

She looked back at my house, and then back to me with a frown. "He was upset again, wasn't he?"

I looked to my shoes shamefully, not needing to answer. She knew what he was like, but it was something I hated to put on her. Nonetheless, she understood, and she touched my cheek gently, making me wince.

"You should stay with us," she muttered, trying to find my eyes, but I wouldn't look up. "We'll always have room for you, Y/N."

"I can't," I said with embarrassment. "And he's not always like this. It's– I'm handling it."

"No, you're not," she said, letting go of my cheek.

I didn't want to argue, nor did I want her pity, so I cleared my throat and looked up with the intention to change the subject. "What did you come here for anyway?"

She wasn't happy as she gave me a worried look. "Y/N–"

"Lucy Gray," I pleaded, before she could say anything more.

Giving in, she exhaled quietly. "I wanted to see if you wanted to go on a picnic with us tomorrow. You're not workin', right?"

At the sound of something much nicer, I relaxed and nodded. "I'd like that."

She seemed to relax too. "Good." Then she glanced over her shoulder at the house again, before adding, "You're stayin' with us tonight."

"I'm not–"

"You are," she insisted stubbornly. "You still have a few things left from last time."

I sighed tiredly. "I have to clean up. He's gonna be mad."

"We'll clean up together, then you're comin'," she reasoned.

"I'll do it myself," I told her, shaking my head. "You know he doesn't like me hanging around with you."

She looked ready to protest, but I shot her a pleading look. The last thing I wanted was to set him off again, especially in front of Lucy Gray. Thankfully, she seemed to get this and nodded reluctantly.

"Fine, but hurry up," she gave in, taking my hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "I don't like you in there alone."

"I'll be quick," I promised, before leaving her to clean up.

My dad was still sulking in his room, so I was able to clean up quickly and let him know where I was going. He didn't answer, nor did he stop me, so I left and met Lucy Gray back outside. She took my hand without question, not letting go until we reached her place. I was glad not to be alone tonight.

A week later, it was another fun evening at the Hob where I watched my best friend perform and I didn't have to worry about work or my dad or anything. It was just like any other evening there, nothing out of the ordinary, or so I thought.

During one of Maude Ivory's talented solos, I got up to the go to the toilet, making it a quick one so I wouldn't miss a thing. But as I left the women's toilets, I caught sight of Billy Taupe and Mayfair chatting around the corner in hushed voices. I didn't care at first, trying to ignore they existed for Lucy Gray's sake, but then they mentioned the singer herself and I couldn't help but eavesdrop a little.

"...doesn't know when to keep her trap shut and herself to herself," Mayfair was saying bitterly.

"She's a singer," Billy Taupe reminded her. "That's what she does. Just ignore it."

Mayfair scoffed. "She thinks she has everyone in this town wrapped around her finger because, what, she can sing? And put on a little show? Well, you know what, we'll see how she sings her way out of the reaping!"

I froze from behind the wall, wondering what she meant by that.

"What?" Billy Taupe asked, just as confused but suspicious as I.

"She may have the looks, honey, but I have the connections," Mayfair continued, her hushed voice growing increasingly more annoyed as she spoke. "You just wait until reaping day. Lucy Gray won't be bothering anyone for much longer."

My eyes widened at her threat. What the hell was she talking about?

"What are you–" Billy Taupe started, but the sound of the floorboards creaking beneath my weight made him stop, and I cursed inwardly.

Before they could even consider investigating, I slipped away between the doors unnoticed, back into the main room where everybody was distracted by the singing, dancing and drinking. My head was reeling though, trying to piece together what I'd just heard.

There was no way Mayfair would do what she was implying, right? She wouldn't just sabotage the reaping because of a feud, surely? Would she? If she did, then that would mean Lucy Gray would be chosen as tribute and–

Oh, God. If she was chosen, she'd be shipped off to partake in the Hunger Games and that was it. She wasn't a fighter, she was a performer. And the Games was no place for someone like her. I'd never see her again. And her family– oh, no. No, this couldn't happen!

What could I do to stop this? Mayfair would never listen to reason, especially not from me. It wasn't fair, any of it.

Suddenly, I felt nauseous at the thought of everything playing out just as Mayfair wanted. Needing some fresh air, feeling overly stuffy in the Hob, I pushed past everyone and stepped outside, ignoring those who were enjoying a cigarette or drink and trying not to throw up.

I couldn't lose Lucy Gray like this, not because of some stupid feud. How badly could Mayfair hate her to do this? The Covey would be broken without her. She was too valuable to everyone. And she was all I had.

"Y/N?"

I turned around, seeing Lucy Gray approaching me with a concerned smile on her lips.

"What happened?" she asked, stopping before me.

I blinked, my thoughts still racing around. "What?"

"You left lookin' upset," she said worriedly. "What happened?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, shaking my head. "Nothing. I just feel sick. Might've eaten something funny."

Her smile faded, replaced by a concerned frown. "Oh, gosh, do you wanna go home? Go to ours? I can walk you back. The others won't mind if I leave a little early."

She was watching me carefully, patiently, dark eyes flittering around my face as if she'd find the problem just like that. She was too kind for her own good and I couldn't help but think about how unfair this all was. She wasn't a bad person at all. How could Mayfair do this? Why couldn't I do anything about it? There had to be something!

"Y/N?" Lucy Gray said, before pressing the back of her hand to my forehead with concentration. "Hmm, you do feel a little warm."

It wasn't fair.

Without thinking, I hugged her tightly, promising myself there and then that I would fix this. She wasn't going to be subjected to Mayfair's wrath, not if I could help it.

"Woah, what's gotten into you?" she said with surprise, but returned the hug.

"Sorry," I mumbled, before pulling back and clearing my throat. "I just need some water. I'll be fine."

She quirked a brow. "You're sure?"

I nodded, trying my hardest not to worry her anymore.

"Okay... good," she said with relief, before a smile curled on her lips. "I've got a new song I want you to hear."

I returned her smile, letting her tug my hand and lead me back inside, but the truth of what I knew was already starting to suffocate me.

For days I mulled it over, trying to convince myself that maybe I misheard or misinterpreted Mayfair's words. Or that, maybe, Mayfair didn't have as much power as she was letting on.

But deep down, I knew it was true, and she was just petty enough to send Lucy Gray to her death. Which then brought me to my next problem: what could I do to stop it?

Mayfair was the mayor's daughter and the mayor was the one who chose the names for the reaping. It was pretty solid, with no interference from me able to stop it. But what was I to do? Do I tell Lucy Gray? Her family? At least, if I did, it would give them time to prepare. But how exactly? Would it not be easier to just let it play out as to not ruin their last moments together?

I didn't know, and it was so much information to carry, eating away at me little by little. What I did know was that I couldn't lose Lucy Gray. What would my life even look like if she was gone? What would the Covey do without her?

Lucy Gray was loved, needed, wanted. She couldn't die, not when she'd be so dearly missed and had so much left to give. If only I could take her place... I knew I would if I could. Nobody needed me or cared for me, nobody but her. But she'd get over my death. And my dad couldn't care less. If it meant saving Lucy Gray, I would do it. After all, I loved her.

But I couldn't, because it was her name to be picked, not mine. And with her name, she'd walk onstage and I'd never see her again. How could I change that?

[unhappy-sometimes]

a 2024 writing retrospective (for sxf fanfic)

ignore the fact that i’m a few days late. i’ve been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks.

in this post i’ll go over the fics i wrote in 2024 think of it as an extremely extended author’s notes. i love to talk and will do so when given the chance.

i’ll start from my latest fic and work my way backwards. spoilers for everything i’ve written in 2024.

(Very) Stupid

Something that I try really really hard to maintain in my writing is believability, specifically when it comes to writing characters. Characters acting out of character is one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves: if I wanted to read about someone’s oc, then I would’ve read a regular book. That being said, I think a lot about how Twilight would actually act like if he were in love. I had an interesting conversation with @cantareincminor forever ago about how he’s so emotionally constipated that it’s kind of difficult to write Twilight in love without making him a bit ooc. Right now in canon it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for anyone (in my opinion, anyway).

That being said there are moments in canon where he acts flustered in situations that could be interpreted as romantic. So, for right now, my hypothesis is this: if and when Twilight falls in love, he’s going to be an absolute fool. He’s going to do his usual overthinking and overanalyizing, so much to the point that he starts hesitating over the smallest things.

(Very) Stupid is how I imagine all of that unfolding, although for the sake of comedy I did push things to the absurd. Sometimes Twilight does things in canon with such certainty of “Yes, of course normal people do this, I’m nailing this normalcy thing” that he fails to realize he’s being kinda ridiculous. I also wanted to take that element and incorporate it into a fic.

I also wanted to try subverting expectations (ooh fancy literary term) by having them do romantic things that lead them nowhere. I tried to cram in as many tropes as I could—feeding each other with a fork, only one bed, first kiss—but do so under the guise of Twilight completely missing how dumb he’s being the entire time. He only realizes his feelings until after their first kiss, specifically when Yor surprises him with a quick peck on the cheek. This, of course, was deliberate. I figured that it’d make the most sense if Twilight would only realize his feelings in a situation where he wasn’t the one initiating a (somewhat) romantic gesture because he theoretically wouldn’t be overthinking it. Instead, Yor just sneaks in when his guard is down <3

Endings are usually the hardest things for me to write and (Very) Stupid was no exception. I almost had Twilight pass out at the breakfast table when he kisses Yor but then I realized I’d made him faint in almost every fic I’ve written this year and that felt like a cop out. But I figured it out and I don’t mind the way the ending turned out :D

Also, kind of a random reference, but the title is slightly inspired by VERY NICE by Seventeen lol

Holy crap I’ve written so much for only one fic so far. My apologies in advance.

21 Eden Street

I won’t go into too much detail for 21 Eden Street because it’s still ongoing, but I just wanna brag about how fun it is to write hehe. It’s really enjoyable to write pure crack and come up with stupid and insane ideas with Cantare. You don’t need to have seen either iteration of 21 Jump Street to understand what’s going on. Honestly, we’ve taken very little from the source material and treated it more like a loose guide and a basis for brainstorming.

Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned it! Cantare is waiting on me to finish writing my chapter (hehe sorry, Cantare!) and soon it’ll be back up and running.

Seeing things

Ah, Seeing Things, my beloved <3

This fic has the least amount of hits out of everything I’ve written (which is not surprising to me) but I hold it very dear to my heart. There’s not a specific reason why other than I just really enjoyed writing it. I also spent a ton of time making supplementary drawings and a whole hype campaign for it, too, so I kinda am obligated to feel some sorta way about it.

Anyway, the way this fic came about is simple; I just had the things I am most afraid of happen to Twilight. Yes, I’m scared of serial killers and my loved ones dying like everyone else, but something I am absolutely terrified of are hallucinations. That and doppelgangers.

Not being able to tell reality apart from fiction activates the flight or fight senses in me. Real life can be scary, yes, but reality is bound by the rules of reality. Literally anything can happen in fiction. The most horrific, awful things are possible in fiction and if those things suddenly become possible in reality???? Girl I am GONE. Passing away. Curling up in a fetal position in the nearest corner. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I ever start seeing things that I can’t be sure are actually happening or not, I am choosing to die right then and there. Doppelgangers as a concept are also really scary to me. It’s like stranger danger but times a thousand because you can’t tell who the strangers are anymore.

In my initial draft, there wasn’t nearly as much of a tension between Twilight and Yor. If I recall correctly, by then I’d written to nearly the end and realized that for Yor this whole experience has been Loid acting just a little more weird than usual. It might’ve been Cantare’s suggestion (just assume everything after Guy’s Night has been beta’d by Cantare and you’ll be mostly right) but I realized that Twilight probably would start to suspect the people around him were screwing with him. I added the scene where his room was messed up and it all fell into place hehe.

I don’t like writing gore or the like because I feel like typical gore quickly starts escalating into levels of pain that the average reader has no possibility of comprehending and it loses its efficacy. Instead I tried feeding into Twilight’s paranoia, adding things that in isolation are just weird but when put together are unsettling. I shamelessly stole the fourth room hallway from Impossible Landscapes, a Delta Green campaign that I highly recommend you check out if you enjoy surreal horror. I purposefully kept some things vague, like the things Anya sees in Twilight’s mind, the way Handler’s face gets warped, or the description of “the watchers” because I felt like going into detail would lose the unknown-ness of it all. That and I’m lazy heehee.

In some way, canon Spy x Family does deal with ideas of doppelgangers and paranoia. Spies are constantly afraid of being listened in on, they don’t know if they can trust anyone, and they always have to keep an eye over their shoulder. For someone who is always a little scared of being spied on (I cover my phone and laptop cameras for that exact reason), that kinda sounds like torture. Seeing Things was a fun way to crank that paranoia up to a hundred. It was especially fun writing the museum scene because I tried thinking of things that are just ever so slightly off, things that theoretically could exist but clearly don’t.

I also threw in other things I’m scared of, like being watched, being followed, the dark, and the bathroom at night just to be extra mean to Twilight <3

Anyway, I’m rambling and this analysis post will be a novel if I keep this up.

Guy’s Night

I do recognize the insane tone shift going from Seeing Things to Guy’s Night.

What is there to even say about Guy’s Night? I got the idea from Psych (the Last Night Gus episode) who got the general basic from the Hangover movies. I wrote it all out in a few days, one of which I was sick in bed. I don’t know what to say.

Looking back on it, I don’t love the way it turned out. I’m glad I wrote it but where I usually don’t mind rereading my stuff for fun I do kinda cringe at Guy’s Night. It relies on a lot of contrivances which I tried masking with humor but it’s still a bit obvious. If you make a timeline of the previous night’s events, it only kinda makes sense.

It doesn’t help that I went into it with no plan whatsoever. I just sat down and said what happens happens. When I wrote in chapter one that something had happened between Loid and Yor, I didn’t know what that was. When I wrote Loid saying “we need to see what’s on that camera film” I was right there next to him saying “buddy, so do I because I have no idea.” When wrote Franky saying that his friend Marko might have answers, I was hoping he would too because I, like everyone else, didn’t know what was going on either.

The ONE thing I DID know was that Twilight got a tattoo the night before. That was it. That’s all.

I don’t typically plan out everything when I write but I usually have a good idea. For Guy’s Night, I had a bad idea in that I had no idea. It kinda shows. Sorry.

That being said, it was incredibly fun writing their drunk shenanigans and banter. The dynamic between Twilight, Franky, and Yuri was so goofy that I’ve seriously debated writing a sequel of sorts. However that’s incredibly unlikely. If I ever do write a sequel, it’d be a Girl’s Night with Yor and a combination of female characters, probably Sylvia and Fiona.

After Peace (and Glimpses of Happiness)

A quick heads up: I don’t go into detail but I do discuss mental illness in this segment.

I am incredibly proud of how After Peace turned out. Not only did it receive a really good reception for being my first fic ever, but it also helped me work through some things in my own life. It’s important to give some context.

I wrote After Peace shortly after graduating college. I won’t go into specifics, but college was really, really difficult for me. I had been so excited for this next step in my life after graduating high school but instead it turned out to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. Depression came out of nowhere and stomped me into the ground.

I used to have very high expectations for myself; I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life and I was taking steps to work towards those goals. Then my mental health tanked and suddenly everything just felt so difficult and pointless. I’d sleep all day and then hate myself when the sun started to set because that meant I’d wasted an entire day doing nothing when I was supposed to be working towards something. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed that a lot of media gets wrong about depression sometimes. It doesn’t always make you feel sad. Sometimes it just sucks everything out of you—sadness, happiness, anger, everything. I stopped drawing, stopped listening to music, stopped eating, stopped exercising, stopped doing everything that I enjoyed because it felt like the equivalent of doing the dishes. Everything was a chore, even the things that I liked.

What really changed things around was when my poor roommate, who was sick of me sleeping for twenty hours a day, dragged my sorry self to the free counseling services on campus. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but having someone who cares about you and you care about can really help your mental health.

Anyway, let’s not forget I’m talking about an anime fanfiction here haha.

After Peace really did start out as a couple of doodles but as I started to write it, I noticed that there were a lot of similarities between myself and Loid. No, I am not a former spy turned grumpy hermit, but I did once have great aspirations and now have to settle for what reality offers me. Realizing that worth comes from simply existing was something that I had to understand in order to begin my recovery process.

I’ve always found it kind of sad that if you took away the goal of world peace from Twilight that you’re basically left with nothing. He doesn’t really have hobbies, no real friends, and he never takes a day off. That’s hardly sustainable. Would he really be happy when there’s nothing left to do? I’d like to think so, but I wanted to see what would happen if he wasn’t.

I mentioned this in the end note, but After Peace was also influenced by this comic I was working on years ago that had the similar premise of “grumpy man learns to enjoy life with the help of a young girl” (very original, I know). I doubt that I’ll ever release that comic in the capacity I once intended, but it does live on in my secret second tumblr account of you ever manage to find it.

Anyway, I was worried about writing After Piece because Anya plays a big role and I am Not Good at writing children. It was hard striking a balance between making Anya likeable but still realistic. I don’t interact with children often and, as a youngest sibling, I don’t have much experience with them. Anya has so many layers—being a test subject, being a telepath, being a child—that it was hard managing them all. But I’m okay with how she turned out.

There is a slight problem in that she basically disappears once Yor shows up D:

I debated having Yor in the fic at all but then I realized that without her the emotional climax would have to rely on a four year old’s emotional intelligence and then decided right then and there that Yor had to be in it haha.

Yor’s whole deal with accidentally killing the wrong person was kind of a last minute addition. I do wish I was able to explore that more, but I also feel like she’s emotionally mature enough to forgive herself more quickly than Twilight would. She ends up serving a bit of a role model to him. It was also nice to be able to write them interacting with the truth out on the table and for them to be honest with each other.

Pacing was something that I was very concerned with. Looking back on it now, I’m still worried that things move along a bit quickly. However, I am reminded of some advice my graphic design professors gave me: “Good design is when nothing more can be take away.” And, because I was writing this as fast as possible, you best believe I was taking things away if I didn’t need them. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of dwelling on Twilight’s thoughts for too long so I instead opted for showing him progressing through experiences instead. I think it worked out.

However because I took so many things out I decided to start Glimpses of Happiness, a supplementary fic to After Peace that fills in the cracks, so to speak. I wanted to have more moments between Twilight and the other characters, like stargazing with Anya and growing close to Yor. Right now there’s only one chapter, but I have plans for at least a few more. I also thought it was important to highlight that mental health recovery never truly ends. Just because Yor and Twilight had a nice chat on the roof doesn’t mean that things are suddenly okay. It’s a long process that sometimes never ends and I wanted to show that.

Of course, I can’t talk about After Peace without addressing the Midwest allegations. As I said, yes, this fic was inspired by my childhood in the American Midwest, even though I was nowhere near any mountains. The Midwest is a silly place full of nothing to do but go to your local Walmart for fun, but I think it served a good enough setting for Twilight to chill out and slow down. If I really wanted to do full Midwest, I’d have Twilight watch a tornado touch down on a cornfield from his truckbed, but that feels sort of out of place.

I feel like there’s more to say but I can’t think of anything and I doubt anyone’s actually gonna read all the way down here anyway. But yeah, that’s After Peace.

Oh, and the A.M. AM by Damien Jurado Youtube video currently has nine comments that mentjon falling from a five story building, which I think is really funny.

So now what?

Against my better judgement, I’m still writing. I have a couple projects in the works, especially one big big big one that hopefully I can start publishing soon. Keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, thanks for a great year! I hope 2025 holds more great things in store for us all!

-unso ^. .^<

[wanderingsoul6261]

Thanks to the Dare

gif credit goes to thepalmofyourfreezinghand

James Beaufort x Reader

Synopsis: The group starts the night of a party by playing truth or dare. Someone dares James and Y/N to kiss, knowing that the two had feelings for each other but didn't want to act on them. Later on, after the group gets bored and stop playing truth or dare, they go down the line admitting confessions. Y/N admits that she has never had an orgasm. James wants to be the one that gives her, her first. Happy ending. Fluff.

Sorry if this is poorly written. I might come back to it in a few days and touch it up. Finished it at 3:30 am in the morning and feeling a bit burnt out.

Warning: 18+ SUBJECT. MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT. SEXUAL ACTIVITIES ARE DESCRIBED. other mentions include alcohol. probably some swear words

The party continued to bustle around the group of seven. Cyril, Wren, Y/N, the Ellington siblings and the Beaufort twins currently sat in the living room of Cyril’s house. Wren, Alistair and Elaine sat together, with Lydia and Y/N sitting together, and Finally James and Cyril. Some of them filled the furniture while others sat on other chairs or even the floor, in the midst of the game of truth of dare. 

Y/N was slightly buzzed, a glass of wine currently in her hands. A bottle of water belonging to her sat forgotten somewhere. She had attempted to keep herself hydrated while drinking throughout the night to alleviate the effects of the hangover in the morning, but that didn’t seem likely at this moment. 

Cyril and Wren were definitely well on their way to getting drunk, while the rest of them were being conservative about what they were drinking and how much of it. 

“Okay. Y/N. Your turn.” All faces turned to her at the sound of Cyril’s voice. She raised an eyebrow, waiting. “Truth or dare.” The last one she did was a dare, in which she had been told to sensually dance in the middle of the group. She knew for a fact that Cyril and Wren had taken a very specific delight in watching her. Alistair, Lydia and Elaine could have cared less, but she definitely didn’t miss the hint of a certain look in James’ face. He watched her, a small smirk on his face, as he watched her move and sway her hips. His reaction to it had definitely caused Elaine to be salty towards her ever since. 

Her eyes turned back to Cyril, her mind made up. 

“Let’s do truth.” 

“Ok. Is it true…” Cyril trailed off, likely trying to think of a good one to ask her. He always wanted to know the juicy bits of a person’s life. It didn’t matter who you were. “You fancy someone, specifically within this group of seven?” Y/N rolled her eyes, not surprised in the slightest that this was the question that he would ask. 

“It’s true.” She responded. 

“Who?” Wren piped up, leaning forward to match the same posture that Cyril was also in. The two focused their attention on Y/N, obviously very keen on finding out who she had the hots for. 

“That’s more than one question. You can ask it if I allow it the next time through.” She teased, taking a sip of her wine. Her gaze trailed over to James, who watched her with curious eyes. The smirk from several minutes ago was still pulling at his lips. Y/N put her glass of wine down as Cyril and Wren continued to whine. 

“Come on. You can’t tease a man like that.” Cyril said. With the way he was acting, Y/N wouldn’t have been surprised if he suddenly got on his knees and started begging for an answer. It would be embarrassing for sure, but Y/N figured that Cyril wouldn’t have wanted to be subjected to that kind of embarrassment, and Y/N wasn’t a monster. 

“I can and I will.” Y/N smirked at them. Elaine had only rolled her eyes from where she sat next to Wren and Alistair. 

It had taken several moments to get Wren and Cyril to drop the subject and allow them to continue. James and Alistair had actually had to step in, pulling their attention away from Y/N and to Lydia’s, whose turn it was now, and as they continued the game, Y/N had wondered if she was safe from the potential question that was likely to be asked, and for a little bit, she was safe. Both Cyril and Wren had seemed to have forgotten about the question, and pestered the others when it was their turn to do so, asking for truths and forcing dares. 

However, a certain Beaufort twin herself was a little curious on who Y/N liked,albeit she had an idea, and had therefore come to be the reason that Y/N’s peace and quiet was short lived. The Beaufort twin turned to her brother, a sweet smile on her face. 

“James.” A soft hum left her brother’s throat, his attention now solely on her. He sat forward in his chair his elbows settled on his knees, awaiting the infamous question. 

“Truth or Dare?” she asked. James looked around the room, giving his answer some thought. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, tilting his head back and forth. 

“Putting alot of serious thought into this, aren’t you?” Y/N teased, a smile hidden behind her wine glass as she took another drink. His eyes moved to hers, a look of amusement on his face before James finally looked back at his sister, and thinking that no harm would come of it, gave her his answer. 

“Dare.” Her sweet smile had then turned into a devilish one and for the first time, James had wondered whether or not he should fear his sister. 

“I dare you to kiss Y/N.” The jaws of Cyril, Wren, and Alistair dropped open. Of all people to have asked that dare, they did not expect it to be Lydia. Elaine looked like she could have smoke coming out of her ears. Her arms were crossed and she looked upset. Everyone knew why, which is why it would be funnier if James actually followed through with it. 

Y/N hid herself, looking everywhere around the room but at the six people that were around her. It was her goal to avoid eye contact, especially with Elaine. 

James stared at Y/N, taking in her appearance. He knew Elaine was burning eye holes into him at that moment, but he never did care for her. James knew that she was watching and waiting to see what would happen, but had also known better to know that she wouldn’t make much of a scene. Sure, she would probably make a snide comment or two, and maybe even try the whole cliche “oops sorry, I didn’t see you there” and spill her drink. It was a classic and a go to for every jealous silver spoon female out there. 

Lydia was smirking, watching and waiting, just as Elaine was, but for a different reason. Cyril, Wren, and Alistair looked back and forth between the two, their eyes wide, but also waiting. 

James' eyes had bounced between the five before he turned his attention back to Y/N. She continued to stare at anything else but them. He knew that she was only attempting to avoid the wrath of Elaine, but he had already told himself that he would prevent anything from happening should Elaine try anything. 

He stood up, casting a look towards his sister, who only widened her smirk. With only a few strides, he had crossed over to stand in front of Y/N, eventually getting down on his knees to be more her height. 

She finally looked at him then. His eyes searched her face, looking for any telltale sign that she didn’t want this. Yea, it was a dare, but it didn’t mean that he was going to do anything first without making sure that he had her consent. So far, she showed him nothing. 

“If you don’t want to do this Y/N, we don’t have to.” Elaine snorted from somewhere beside them, and James had only rolled his eyes. Y/N stifled an amused laugh, the corner of her mouth quirking up. 

“No one is saying no.” She whispered, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. “Do your best Beaufort.” James stared at her for several seconds, before surging forward and capturing her lips into a kiss. His hands cupped her cheeks, pulling her into him, feeling relieved when Y/N leaned into it. One of her hands rested on his bicep, while the other came up to tangle itself in his hair.

Catcalls and whistles could be heard coming from Wren and Cyril. Lydia and Alistair had watched as Elaine stood up and walked away, obviously not liking the display in front of her. No one cared, except Alistair, who knew that Elaine liked James, but he himself wasn’t sure if she actually liked James or had just liked him for his name and the riches that came with it. 

“Alright you two, get a room.” 

James and Y/N finally pulled apart, breathing heavily as they looked at each other for several minutes before turning around to face the others. James remained seated next to her and the group, minus Elaine, had continued their game of Truth or Dare. 

However, eventually the group had grown tired of playing truth or dare and had resorted to making confessions that either no one or most people didn’t know about them. 

Y/N listened to most of the confessions that were being said. Cyril was held back in his earlier years of school, prior to coming to Maxton and meeting them. Lydia went a deeper route, confessing something about their parents and the family business. James had nodded along slightly with that, as if he understood where she was coming from. Of course he did. He lived the same life, and Y/N knew all about it.

Her eyes trailed down to their thighs, brushing up against each other ever so slightly. She listened to James' confession.

"I've never loved anyone I've been with. It's just been for pleasure. Especially Elaine." He looked at Alistair and apologized. "No offense." Alistair raised his hands in understand, having taken no offense from it. He knew how his sister could be. Alistair experienced it more than the others. "Although, there is one that I have my sights on." He admitted. Wren and Alistair went on to do their own confessions, Cyril jumping in to admit some more.

But Y/N had turned her attention to James. She looked up at him, her eyes tracing his jawline, the scar on his cheek, the way his hair fall in a soft manner around his face. She watched as his eyes moved to look at her out of the corner of his eyes, and Y/N watched as a soft smile pulled at his lips.

She ran the image of the kiss back through her head, glad that she was sitting, as she grew weak in the legs.

"Hey, Y/N." She finally turned her attention to the others, who all were now staring at her, James also included.

"It's your turn to confess." Wren stated. "You haven't made a confession yet.

"Goodness. You guys are acting like we are in church, and I just committed a sin." Some of them stifled a laugh while the other cracked a smile.

"Who knows. Maybe you did." Cyril added, wriggling his eyebrows. Y/N rolled her eyes, trying to think of something to confess.

Then she paused, her eyes trailing across the group. Many would see this as surprise, as she has sexually interacted with ex boyfriends or one-night stands. But they were never good enough.

"I've never had an orgasm." Jaws dropped open as she looked around the group, thankful that Elaine had walked away earlier in the night.

"What?" Cyril asked.

"I've never had an-"

"It was a rhetorical question, no need to answer it."

James looked down at her in question.

"Haven't you had-"

"I have. But none of the ones I did it with were ever good enough to get me to that point." She explained. "The sex was really poor." Lydia stifled a laugh, in which Y/N smiled in response. "Your sister may know more than she lets on." James glanced between the two, a twinkle appearing in his eye, a smirk upon his lips.

He then turned his attention back to the rest of the group, as they lost their minds at Y/N's confession. She found it amusing in fact, as both Cyril and Wren both refused to believe that her confession was the truth.

It was known that she slept with a few, mostly old boyfriends, but those boyfriends were boys, and didn't know exactly how to actually treat a lady.

--- SMUT BEYOND THIS POINT. MINORS, PLEASE DON'T INTERACT

After a little bit more time had passed, Y/N had stood up addressing that she needed to use the bathroom really quick. James watched her go, downed the rest of his drink, and claimed he was going for a refill. The others watched the two leave, suspecting that neither of them would be back anytime soon.

Upon walking out of the bathroom, Y/N had been pushed against the wall, looking up to see James. The stance he had over her made her weak in the knees.

"James?"

He leaned forward, keeping eye contact with her. James maintained eye contact with her for several moments, before he leaned forward some more, until his lips brushed gently against her eye. She shivered, and she could feel the smirk form on his lips.

"You want to know what an orgasm feels like?" He asked, his breath fanning hotly against the side of her face. And just like that, arousal filled her entire body. A low whine escaped her lips and James pulled back to look her in her face.

"Words, sweetheart. I don't know what you want unless you tell me."

"Are You making a promise, Beaufort?" His blue eyes grew darker with arousal.

"It's not a promise, love. It's a guarantee." After a few more seconds of the two staring at each other, they pulled each other in for a kiss. It was sloppy, and definitely spoke true to the moment and their desires. James looped his arms around her thighs, hoisting her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He made his way towards a guest bedroom, one that he dubbed as his whenever he stayed over.

James made easy work of opening the door and closing it behind him. He wasn't wasting any time. He wanted to spend as much time as he could, showing Y/N how she should be treated.

Y/N fell backward onto the bed with a soft 'oof', staring up at James as he stared down at her. She grew self-conscious, her cheeks growing red as she grew flustered.

"Absolutely gorgeous." He crawled onto the bed, pressing kisses up her neck and along her jaw. When he finally reached her lips, he pressed his hands against her body, slipping underneath her shirt and trailing softly across the expanse of her stomach. She gasped at the touch and James reveled in, moving his hands and helping her take the shirt off.

He sat back, taking in her appearance. She stared at him with hooded eyes, drunk with arousal. Y/N was an angel. A bright light in the shadows of darkness that he had hidden himself inside. She was a positive and happy thing in the life that his father had forced on him.

James brought his hands up to his shirt, unbuttoning it until he was able to slip it off and tossed it towards the floor, joining her own shirt. He watched as her eyes immediately moved down to his chest and stomach, taking in the appearance. She raised a hand, reaching out for him.

Taking her hand, she pulled him back on top of her, pulling him back into a kiss. His hands moved up her waist, one wrapping around her back and unclasping her bra. It joined their shirts on the floor. His hands grabbed her boobs, his thumbs rubbing her nipples.

She gasped into his mouth, arching her back as he grinded against her.

"If we are going too fast, we can slow down."

"What if I like it fast?" A low groan rumbled in his chest. He felt her smirk against his mouth, and grinded into her again, instantly turning the smirk into a whine.

Her hands went down and started messing with the buttons to his pants. When it proved a bit difficult, and she couldn't get it undone, she stopped.

"Help, please." James huffed out a soft chuckle, before sitting upright and doing it for her, shucking his pants down his legs as Y/N took the time to take hers off as well. He leaned back down to kiss her again. The kiss was sloppy and heated. James grabbed her thighs, looping them around his waist as he started to grind against her again. Y/N's head fell back against the bed, a low whine falling from her throat as James watched her, taking in her reactions and drowning in him. He wanted to absolutely ravish her.

His head fell into the crook of her neck, enjoying the noises that fell from her throat as he pressed lingering and bruising kisses to her neck and shoulder.

"James." She gasped out. He let out a hum.

"Yes, sweetheart." He spoke between kisses.

"I-fuck" she let out a noise mixed between a gasp and whine when he grinded particularly hard against her. "Need you." He pressed another kiss to her lips before he moved down her body, taking in the sigh she released. James kissed down her body, maintaining eye contact with her as he did so. His lips pressed softly against her stomach, trailing down to her thighs. James let his fingers run over her body, trailing softly and causing her to shiver beneath him, goosebumps forming on her skin.

"I got you sweetheart." He murmured softly against her thigh. His hands looped gently into her panties, pulling them down her legs and tossing them onto the floor as well. James looked up at her, making sure that she was okay to continue, and if the look of pure bliss and arousal on her face wasn't enough to tell him to continue, he wasn't sure what would.

Y/N pulled him back up to her as he slipped two fingers inside of her. He started slowly, thrusting his fingers in and out, letting her adjust to the sensation. She had pulled him into another kiss, this time slower than the first ones. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders.

One of his hands had one of her legs folded and pushed towards her chest. His thumb rubbed her clit, drinking in the gasps that she let out as they kissed. He leaned into the kiss, putting a bit more force into it as he quickened the pace with his fingers.

When his chest starting to burn, telling him that he needed to breathe, he pulled away and looked down at where his fingers disappeared inside of her. Her own eyes followed his, soft whines and whimpers falling from her lips.

James dipped his fingers down to where his fingers disappeared inside of her pussy, replacing his thumb with his lips. A gasped escaped her chest, and her back arched, a whine getting stuck in her throat and her breathing picked up. James was drowning in her, flicking his tongue against her clit, watching as she slowly became unraveled beneath him.

"That's it sweetheart. Such a good girl." He murmured quietly. After a few more seconds, he pulled his fingers out of her. James scooted up, listening as she whined at the loss. He knew she was close to an orgasm and that he had denied it to her.

"You still want to do this?" he asked. Y/N nodded, and James used his mouth to rip open a condom, sliding it on. He pressed the tip to her pussy, giving her a few seconds before he started to slowly push inside of her. She let out a gasp and he stopped, allowing her to adjust before he continued again, until he was finally all the way inside.

James proceeded to give her some more time to adjust, before he started to thrust in and out. Immediately, he had gotten her to the point where she was before he withdrew his fingers. Soft whines and whimpers escaped her throat and mixed with the grunts and groan that he let fall from between his lips. Her arms wrapped back around his shoulders, and he had looped her legs around his waist.

His head fell into the crook of her neck, groaning at the feeling of her around his cock. James never wanted to leave this moment, especially after he had been thinking about this moment for so long, and it had turned out better than he had previously expected.

"Fuck, Y/N." He captured one of her boobs in his mouth, his tongue flicking over the nipple while his other hand fondled the other. His free hand come down and vigorously rubbed against her clit.

She let out a sharp gasp, her head falling back against the bed, her back arching, and nails digging into his back. He let out a grunt, pulling his face away from her boob to watch as his cock disappeared in and out of her. Her breathing had begun to quicken, her whimpers and whines had turned into soft gasps.

James turned his attention to her.

"That's it sweetheart. You're almost there aren't you? You feel it building up." He spoke softly to her, watching as she nodded, and quickened the pace of his thrusts. He watched her every reaction. The way her eyes clenched shut, her thighs clamped around him. He felt her nails dig into his back, and even if it might hurt in the morning, he didn't care.

And then suddenly she let out a sharp gasp, her eye lids fluttered and then her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She let out high pitched whine, before it was as if she forgot how to breathe. Her body shook and as her pussy clenched around his cock, it threw him over the edge as well. Pleasure filled their bodies as they reached orgasm, their noises filled the air before they finally quieted down, and soft sighs and heavy breathing filled the room.

James threw the used condom into the bathroom trash, and came out with a warm wet washcloth, with the intention to clean Y/N, and after doing so, he crawled into the bed with her.

She immediately scooted closer to him, nestled close to his chest. James wrapped his arms around her, pressing a gently kiss to the crown of her heads. And just like that, the two of them laid in silence, taking in the post coital bliss.

Y/N drew lazy patterns against his chest, when she finally spoke.

"I don't want this to be a onetime thing." James took in what she said, a smile forming on his face as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. His hand rubbed lazily up and down her back, taking in the feeling of her being pressed up against him.

After several moments, he lifted Y/N's face so that she was staring at him. His eyes searched for any signs of a lie in her own, and when he saw none, he pulled her in for a soft and gentle kiss.

"Me too. It was always going to be you, Y/N. I want you, and no one else."

----

@sillyfreakfanparty @honethatty12 @lifeonawhim @ashamedtobewhitemanswhore27 @maryvibess @wheredidmyeyesgo @imasimptoowth @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @benbarnesprettygurl

[delzinrowe]

Love Letter - TAKUMA INO

WORD COUNT: ~5.1K WARNINGS: None. F!Reader SUMMARY: Y/N receives a love letter, sadly the sender wasn't very specific when he signed it. A/N: Silly little brainrot I had months ago. Took me ages to actually finish this. Feedback is always appreciated!! Let me know if you wanna be tagged. TAGGING @just-jordie-things CAUSE I GOT BACK INTO WRITING BECAUSE OF HER, SHE'S AMAZING ♡♡♡

Another day filled with lessons of an unusual kind passed by. Gojo-Sensei was a good and devoted teacher, but everyone agreed that his teaching methods sometimes were a little… unorthodox, for lack of a better word. He tends to throw students into dangerous situations to fend for themselves instead of preparing them for it beforehand.

Y/N was just happy that she had her student days behind her. Now she was a semi-grade 1 sorcerer. After graduating from Jujutsu High she slowly but surely worked her way up the ranks and earned the respect of her fellow sorcerers, one of which was Ino Takuma, who seemed to be just as impressed by her as he was by his mentor Nanami Kento.

Whenever she wasn’t on a mission Y/N used the time to train, either by herself, with Takuma or with some of the younger students. Which was exactly what happened right now. For the past hours she had exchanged blows with each of them, successfully winning every fight. Until Maki decided to challenge her. Without any ounce of cursed energy she was supposed to be an easy target, but exactly this made her all the more dangerous in close range.

She stood opposite of Maki, wearing a smile on her lips and chuckling a little. Even after losing their training fight there was not an ounce of bitterness within her. Maki was an astonishing fighter, she was more skilled and talented in hand-to-hand combat than any of the other students.

Due to her lack of cursed energy she focused entirely on close range combat, allowing her to win the fight swiftly. No doubt that Yuji would still smoke her in terms of raw strength, but Maki was no way inferior to any of them.

“You’re gonna raise hell some day, Maki.” Y/N never made a secret out of her adoration and pride for the young ostracized Zenin. If it had been anyone else Maki would have rolled her eyes and shrugged off the praising compliment, but Y/N was one of the few people she held in high regards, therefore her words meant a lot to the second year student.

Knowing that someone as strong as Y/N acknowledged her strength and even believed in her so strongly meant a lot to her, even if she would rather die a gruesome death than ever admit this to anyone.

“I’m working on it.”

Maki’s witty comeback earned another chuckle from Y/N. Truth be told, she was immensely proud of the young student. When she herself enrolled into Jujutsu High she was surrounded by all these amazing young sorcerers and even her teachers were fascinatingly strong. It often caused her to feel left out, as if she was merely a candle in the wind with everyone around her being raging wildfires, rapidly increasing with each passing day.

Back then Takuma was the only person who showed her acknowledgement, who openly told her that he believed she’d be destined for amazing and great things. Thinking back on it now, it might have been this exact moment her crush developed. She wanted to prove him right, that she was capable of whatever life as sorcerer threw at her.

Ultimately, she knew the pain of being left out, of not being believed in, of feeling far too weak. She wouldn’t allow anyone to feel like that, especially not someone like Maki, who was so willing and determined to prove herself.

Y/N only responded with a nod and a smile before turning around to gather her things. All too suddenly she halted her movements, her eyes squinting at the piece of white paper she spotted on the dark piece of clothing.

Right there, at the edge of the training grounds, in her lazily discarded jacket, stuck a letter, folded into a tiny rectangle. It certainly wasn’t there before. She would have remembered anyone messing with her clothes during the training. Whoever it was must have used the chance to leave the paper when she had her back turned. Or maybe when Maki successfully threw her onto her back…

However, that didn’t matter now, what mattered most to Y/N in this instant was the tiny rectangle. 

Curiously, and with careful touches, she reached for the paper and slowly unfolded it. Her eyes scanned over the lines written on it. The first thing she noticed was the handwriting itself. It wasn’t neat, but it was far from messy. It seemed almost as if someone tried to conceal their handwriting. Something else she noticed was that it was a blank paper, no lines or squares, yet the short sentences made it seem as if there had been invisible lines.

Whoever wrote this note went through the trouble of using an undersheet to keep the perfect lines intact. The level of detail for one simple note was astonishing. 

It took Y/N a few good moments of skimping over the words before she even realized what the letter said.

It was… a love letter.

Never in her life did Y/N think she’d receive one of those, let alone an anonymous one, only signed with initials, but there’s got to be a first time for everything, right?

Her gaze was fixated on the paper, as if it put a spell on her. The few lines were filled with sweet adoration, even bringing a smile to her lips until her eyes found the initials T.I..

Y/N still stood in the middle of the training grounds but she suddenly didn’t notice anything around her anymore. Her thoughts were now fully engulfed by the two letters that sent her mind into a haze. Who the hell was T.I.?

Bombs and missiles could have detonated right in front of her, nonetheless, nothing would have managed to tear her attention away from her thoughts going on a rampage.

Seconds passed, turning into minutes as Y/N kept on thinking about the initials but she couldn’t come up with anything. Even if she turned the letters around no one came to her mind. No one seemed to fit, until a certain image popped up in her thoughts. And suddenly the need for a written letter made much more sense to her.

<--With a suspicion now in mind, she set out to find her best friend, hoping to get a different perspective on the entire matter. Maybe he’d even have some advice ready for her to handle this entire situation. It surely would help her to at least get a male opinion on this. That is… if her best friend Takuma would even have an opinion on it at all. -->

“Do you have any idea who T.I. could be?” 

Immediately after finding Takuma she spilled everything about the letter she received. It took him a good few minutes to get her to slow down but once he realized what she was on about his lips curled into a little smile, not too big to get caught but just enough to seem like his usual self. Even if he was a nervous bundle of anxiety inside.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it, ‘Kuma?” This was it. The moment he was waiting for.

He was the one who left the letter in her jacket during training. She’d confront him and after hearing his cheesy confession she’d admit to always having had a crush on him as well, and the two would kiss and be the dream couple everyone would envy.

…At least that’s how he pictured it in his head.

“It must be Toge Inumaki. I can’t think of anyone else, to be honest.” Y/N crossed her arms in front of her chest, the letter still clutched in between her thumb and her fingers, as she gave an expectant look towards her friend, not knowing that his heart secretly deflated at her words.

Takuma tried his hardest not to show his thoughts all too clearly on his face. Usually, he was the personification of bubbly, open and unfiltered, blurting out the first things on his mind without really thinking of his words first. But this time he had to bite his own tongue to stop himself from speaking too quickly. 

Why did she not realize that it was him who wrote that note? Then again, why did he have to sign it with his initials only? Was he really that stupid? Of course, there were other people with the same initials as him, he should have thought of this beforehand.

Or perhaps the fact that she instantly assumed it to be someone else meant that maybe she wanted it to be someone else? Did she believe Toge wrote the note because she wished that it was from him? Had her heart already been snatched by someone?

The possibility of it felt like a gut punch to Takuma. A few minutes ago he felt happy, expecting this moment to turn into the sweetest one of his life. However, by now his chest felt tightened, as if someone had reached down his throat and crushed his heart with bare hands, while simultaneously smacking the air out of his lungs.

This had got to be one of the worst moments of his life. He got rejected, indirectly at least, and in one of the worst ways too.

“If you think it’s him, then ask him about it.” The words were followed by a shrug of his shoulders, he tried so desperately to seem indifferent enough towards this. Of course, he didn’t want her to think that this entire topic didn’t matter to him, it did. More than she even knew. But she was smart and if he acted out of character now then she’d be onto him instantly. 

Y/N let out a deep sigh, uncrossing her arms and letting them drop to her sides. As calm as she seemed, her mind was a mess. Why did she have to receive a letter like this? Anonymous with only initials to make her guess.

“Yeah sure, and what do I even say to him?” She asked with a hint of hopelessness, shrugging her shoulders lightly.

“That depends on whether you like him or not.” Takuma kept his posture, speaking in a tone that was usual for him. Or wasn’t it? He tried way too hard to appear like his normal self that he started to overthink his actions, words and even the tone he used. Did he talk like this any other day?

“I guess so.” Her response, paired with the deep sigh she let out and her sinking shoulders were a clear sign of defeat. She didn’t seem suspicious of him. Good, he had played his role well. Now he just needed to keep it up a little longer.

Eventually Y/N’s chat with her best friend offered no real help or conclusion, besides the obvious ‘talk to him directly. It was a piece of advice she didn’t need, considering it was apparent inside her own mind ever since she successfully deciphered the sender of the note.

She dreaded the encounter with Toge. She didn’t want to break the young student’s heart. Why did it have to be so uncomfortable and painful when friends caught feelings? How she wished for the ground to simply swallow her whole right at this moment.

Alas, there was no way around it. No matter how much Y/N tried to think of a different solution, she had to be direct and honest with Toge. He deserved that much.

Seconds passed and neither Takuma nor Y/N said anything. For Takuma the heavy tension in the air seemed almost unbearable. His heart threatened to burst out of his chest, wanting so desperately to confess to being the real author of the note. But he figuratively bit his own tongue to stay silent. It felt obvious enough to him that she wasn’t reciprocating his feelings.

On the other hand, Y/N felt a thick tension for different reasons. She dreaded the encounter with Toge, no matter how much she knew that it was necessary to clear the air. A feeling of unease and anxiety spread through her stomach and she took a few deep breaths, releasing the last one as a deep sigh.

“I should talk to him right now.” For a moment she glanced at Takuma before her gaze shifted towards the letter she still held tightly. There was nothing else to say or do, anything she’d come up with now would only prolong the much needed conversation.

“Good luck.” Takuma’s short nod was met with a grimace from Y/N, followed by quiet short noise that could only be described as a whine.

Just for a fraction of a moment he forgot the aching pain in his chest. Goddamn, why did she look so cute right now? It took all his willpower to keep his mouth shut when inside him everything was screaming at him to just be honest.

“Thanks.”

Without any further ado she turned on her heel. Even if she didn’t know where to find Toge, she was sure that eventually she’d run into him. Maybe she could think of the right things to say until then.

Takuma’s gaze followed her until she was out of sight. The second grace sorcerer wasn’t a coward or shy by any means, he was brave and courageous. So why couldn’t he just walk up to her and confess, like he had thought about so many times? Why did he settle to write a letter and leave it in her jacket like some clumsy lovesick teenager?

In an instant he froze in place, his eyes wide in shock as the realization hit him like a jolt of electricity. As soon as Y/N confronted Toge she’d find out that the letter wasn’t actually  from him. His heart had started pounding and he felt paralyzed when he realized the extensive consequences of her finding out. Their entire friendship would shift and become awkward. In the worst case it might even end he’d lose his best friend.

He had to follow Y/N and ‘accidentally’ interrupt her encounter with Toge before the blonde student could expose his secret crush on his best friend.

For an experienced high grade sorcerer Y/N was far too immersed in her thoughts to realize that for the past half hour she had been followed by Takuma. He didn’t even have to use any cursed energy to be as stealthy as possible. She was too occupied with her search for the blonde student to notice him either way.

Well, she didn’t actively search for Toge, no. She dreaded this upcoming conversation more than anything else. Instead, she simply wandered around the school grounds as casually as she could. Eventually she’d find him, wouldn’t she?

She had already given up on thinking of what to say, nothing seemed good or fitting. With a nervous feeling in her gut she decided to just wing it and come up with anything she’d say on the spot.

Just when Y/N was about to call it quits and chicken out of this entire situation she saw Toge walking a little bit further away from her current position. After suppressing another unmotivated whine she took deep breaths to calm her nerves before approaching him.

“Hey, Toge!” She tried not to sound too loud with her yell as she ran up to the blonde student, who turned around towards her and greeted her with a hand sign, as per usual paired with a quiet: “Kelp.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Y/N’s head was tilted a little and a somewhat awkward smile appeared on her face. Damnit. She tried so hard to act normal but she had only ever been in this situation two or three times before. Rejecting someone was hard on its own, but even worse when it was a good friend. How would she even start?

Instead of saying any of his safe words Toge opted to not say anything as he only raised his eyebrows. A silent sign that she had his attention and a gesture for her to keep talking.

“The letter you sent me… it was really nice, but…” As much as Y/N tried to find the right words, it resulted in her sounding uncertain. Hopefully this wouldn’t cause their friendship to get awkward.

The more she tried to construct a coherent sentence, the less she was actually able to speak properly. The nervousness that surged through her body felt almost paralyzing, even more so than the uncomfortable silence that hung between them. But she had to say something. She couldn’t give Toge any false hope. He didn’t deserve that.

“I don’t like you like that, I’m sorry.”

If Y/N had the courage to look up right now she would have seen the confused expression on Toge’s face as he tried desperately to make sense of this whole situation. However, her gaze was just about anywhere else, focusing on invisible dots, as to not look at him directly.

He wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but with the limited vocabulary available to him he decided to simply agree with it and call it a day. Whatever this was about would surely resolve on its own. For him there was no need to stress about something he didn’t fully grasp either way.

“Salmon.” With that Toge nodded his head, conveying his understanding, even if it was merely an act.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, and I hope we can stay friends.” Even though Y/N harbored no romantic feelings for the short blonde student, rejecting a friend was always a gut-wrenching experience. It was something she hated, even if it had thankfully only happened very few times. The anguish of having to turn down someone she was close with always hung above the friendship, similar to the damning dropping chandelier in Phantom of the Opera. At one point it might crash and reduce the remaining friendship to rubble and dust.

Although this didn’t seem to be the case with Toge, he took the rejection like a champ. If Y/N hadn’t been too overwhelmed by this situation she might have realized that Toge even seemed a little too chill about getting rejected. But her mind was elsewhere, involuntarily drifting to the young sorcerer who was now hiding behind a wall, listening in on their conversation.

Toge hadn’t exposed him, he took the rejection and went with it. Yet, for some reason it caused Takuma to feel twisted. Y/N didn’t even think of him when she received the letter, and now she had officially rejected ‘T.I.’, which made it practically impossible to send her another note. He should have just gathered his courage and confessed when he had the chance.

“Salmon Roe.” Two words was enough to pull Y/N and Takuma out of their thoughts and bring them back to the present. She only nodded in an effort to ease the awkward tension between them, even if she was the only one that felt it.

Toge pointed towards his dorm rooms, not even attempting to say anything else before lifting his hand in the air to wave goodbye as he left Y/N on her own. Her thoughts were racing and her heart pounded in her chest. The conversation had gone smooth (more or less) and Toge took the rejection well. Hopefully this wouldn’t have any awkward consequences in their friendship. 

Meanwhile Takuma leaned against the wall he was hiding behind, nervousness filling his stomach. He should get out of here, leave before she noticed that he had followed her.

His palms were sweaty, his heart beating so fast and hard that it threatened to burst out of his chest. His head leaned against the surface of the concrete as his eyes were closed. If he already felt like this when he was just hiding behind a wall then how was he ever gonna face her and confess? He, the usually cool, calm and collected auspicious beasts’ user, was undoubtedly a coward. 

“‘Kuma?” Y/N’s voice rang in his ears, instantly his eyes widened. Instantly he cursed himself for not disappearing sooner. Now it was too late for that, if he attempted to leave now she’d just follow and question him.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was, understandably, laced with confusion. Had he listened to the entire conversation she had with Toge? Why would he even care about it?

“Hey.” It was the most awkward and stupidest he had ever sounded as he dragged out the one word greeting. He wanted to disappear right now, vanish into thin air never to be seen again.

When he didn’t say anything she lifted her head forward just a bit and raised her eyebrows expectantly, urging him to continue with her sharp gaze. Oh, how he scolded himself internally at this very moment.

“I’m just here for emotional support…” The way the words came out of his mouth seemed more like a question instead of an answer to her initial inquiry.  If there was ever an award for the worst lie, Takuma would receive it without any close competition. Even without this dead giveaway Y/N would have known that something was foul.

“Would you just spit it out?” Gone was the nervousness she felt just moments ago during her conversation with Toge. Now she was aggravated and irritated at his unusual behavior. It must have been connected to the love note, but she couldn’t come up with any reason why.

As Y/N was still waiting for his response, Takuma felt the sinking realization that he wouldn’t be able to get out of this situation without coming clean about the love letter. The weight on his chest grew heavier, his heart pounded louder, the beating rang in his ears. He wiped his hands on his pants, rather pathetically as they kept on sweating. Had he ever been this fucking nervous prior to this moment? He couldn’t remember.

Even after facing curse users, as well as encountering and successfully exorcizing countless curses, and finding himself in the most dangerous situations, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this uneasy in his entire life.

The silence between them remained for what felt like an eternity, but actually had only been about two minutes. Y/N knew that he heard her question loud and clear, there was no need to repeat it. Especially considering how nervous he appeared. Something was definitely wrong, but no matter how irritated or aggravated she was with him, she’d never pressure him. That simply wasn’t how their friendship worked.

Seconds felt like hours for Takuma but he knew he had to say something, and eventually, after taking multiple deep breaths, he finally overcame his uneasiness and forced himself to speak up.

“I’m T.I.”, as little as his words seemed, it had taken him immense courage to say them out loud.

“The letter… it’s from me.”

Y/N simply stared at him as he dropped this bomb of information on her. The thought of “T.I.” actually standing for Takuma Ino had never seriously crossed her mind. Even if for a split second she might have hoped for it, she had immediately dismissed it.

For as long as she had been friends with him he was never the type to write letters, especially love letters. She had known him long enough to learn his character inside out. He was blunt, but not brutal, open and unfiltered but never hostile. In short; he wasn’t someone who would hide behind an anonymous letter.

Or so she thought at least, which caused her thoughts to go into overdrive.

“You wrote that? Why? Did you think it’d be a funny joke? Is that why you didn’t say anything before and just let me make a fool out of myself in front of Toge?” Y/N asked suddenly, completely overwhelmed with this situation and clearly overthinking it.

Takuma knew that tone all too well, he was the one to calm her down more than just a few times, and while he was still nervous about this whole ordeal, he couldn’t watch how she doubted herself so much that she didn’t take his love letter seriously.

“No, it wasn’t a joke. Listen…”, for a moment he paused, his might searching for words as she took a step forward to her. He let out a deep sigh before he spoke up once more.

“I like you. Like… a whole lot. I’ve pretty much had a crush on you since forever. I don’t know what made me write a damn letter. I guess I was too much of a coward to tell you face to face.” Even though he had taken a step forward, he couldn’t look into her eyes. His averted gaze focused on an invisible point a few feet away.

“It’s not a joke, alright? I’m serious.” His heart hammered against his ribcage. This was the moment he didn’t want to experience.

Y/N was far too shocked to construct a proper sentence, the confession had taken her by full surprise. Neither of them dared to say anything but as the moments passed her lips curled into a smile that she tried to suppress. It was slowly setting in that this wasn’t a joke or a prank. Takuma seemed to be genuinely nervous, even anxious. Something she wasn’t used to seeing.

Furthermore, she had known him for quite some time and while he was a bit of a goof who liked to pull pranks, he never would have gone for something that could end up emotionally scarring someone.

Her heart went from racing twice as fast to skipping a beat all the way to pounding heavily inside her chest. It felt as if a fuzzy blanket was wrapped around her, the realization that the boy she had a crush on liked her back.

“And you’re really really serious?” She questioned quietly, her voice now lacking the previous panicky tone.

“More than anything.”

When he finally lifted his head again Takuma saw the smile on her lips. It was like a drug to him, instantly he returned it with a smile on his own, the uneasiness fading away and being replaced by a warm feeling that spread through his limbs.

“Good, cause I like you too.”

“You really do?” His mind struggled to believe that it was real, but the way she smiled shyly with this faint blush on her cheeks was all the proof he needed. And suddenly he’s floating from happiness.

Suddenly the anxiety he felt died down, and all the uneasiness disappeared from his body.

Y/N had no time to brace herself when all of a sudden his arms wrapped tightly around her frame, pulling her right into his warm chest. The closeness, paired with his familiar scent, felt like a dream to her.

Takuma didn’t need to say it, it was obvious that he was happier than ever about this development, but so was Y/N.

The two of them didn’t know how much time passed, could have been an hour, could have been an eternity. In reality it was closer to a few minutes, when he eventually loosened his hold and leaned back just enough to look at her. 

Y/N could have sworn she just fell much deeper for him when she saw his unusually flushed face. A sign so beautiful and handsome that she never wanted to look away. It was a sight she didn’t expect, and certainly something she never knew she needed to see until now.

“So… Can I kiss you?” Takuma asked, and Y/N swore he was still nervous, which caused her chest to feel even warmer. It was unlike him to not ooze confidence with every fiber of his being, however, knowing that she had this effect on him, even after both of them confessing, filled her with pride.

“I don’t know if you can, but you should.” She responded with a smirk, albeit with her cheeks so heated that she felt like a radiator. The chuckle that followed her words was cut short when his lips captured her own. Her giggle died down when she practically melted into the kiss.

It was a little messy and chaotic, but eventually they fell into a rhythm that felt just right in every way.

Her hands, which were still wrapped around his torso from their hug, grabbed his sweater tightly. Meanwhile her thoughts dissipated, leaving nothing else but the blissful happiness, and the fluttering butterflies in her stomach.

Everything was drowned out until a few seconds later when Takuma pulled away. As if she was magnetized by him she tried to follow his lips, leaning further into him just a few inches before regaining her composure. She opened her eyes but didn’t look at him right away. It was such a silly thing that she felt embarrassed for not wanting the kiss to end but at the same time she knew that from now on she could have kisses anytime she asked.

Her hands slowly let go of his sweater. A wave of uncertainty hit her but it was gone as quick as it arrived once she felt him reach for her wrist.

His hand found hers, and their fingers interlaced. Y/N couldn’t help but notice how natural and easy everything felt with him. Her heart might have raced like a sports car and rang in her ears like church bells but being with Takuma like this felt more natural and comfortable than she had ever imagined.

For a while it was quiet as the two of them simply started strolling around aimlessly on the school grounds. But there was one thing Y/N still wanted to address…

“You couldn’t come up with a better way to sign it then T.I.?”

“To be fair I didn’t think your first thought would be Riceball Guy.” He mumbled back and rolled his eyes, listening as her giggles turned into a short but warm laugh.

His eyes were glued to her, the corners of his lips subconsciously curling into the happiest grin he could possibly create.

They had no label yet but she was his girl, there was no doubt in his mind about it. She was hers even before he had even known it. And there was no way in hell that he’d ever let go of her.

[houseki-no-suffering]

Hey! I found a post of yours (specifically a phos analysis) from a looong while ago. Just curious to hear what your thoughts on the last chapters and the conclusion of the story are!

I recently finished the manga after putting it off for 4 years, and it was an incredible but such a bittersweet read. Maybe it's just me being a sucker for happy endings, but man, it really did not get happier </3

And you probably already know this, but did you know that Ichikawa released the last chapter the same day a comet flew by that looked exactly like the comet from the last chapter? Really cool stuff but I am emotionally destroyed haha

I suppose it was the only kind of happy ending HnK could have, and I don't think I mind it as much as other things that have happened in the last few chapters. It reads more HnK than anything that has happened in the past 1-2 years of serialization.

I appreciate the bittersweet notes (always have) and Ichikawa's words that this is how she wanted the story to end, it doesn't happen to every mangaka. Also, the comet bit is such a nice touch.

As for Phos (I suppose this is the post you meant?), I do believe that they got a happy ending.

If you think about it, instead of becoming a lunarian and being prayed away like the others, Phos' journey gave them the power and knowledge to rise above them. Thanks to their flaws (being brittle, having special inclusions, maybe being the most human of all the gems) they became human, the most flawed of creatures, and basically reverted to the purity of a child, a god, sin-less (even if this is a Buddhist story, so idk if I can actually speak of sin) and therefore free of everything that made humanity always dissatisfied, dangerous and unhappy. The others renounced existence, Phos found a way to reach paradise.

Humanity doesn't come out of this looking like a nice bunch of people to hang out with, and neither do the lunarians (gems included at this point). And yet, there's so much compassion in everything Phos does: a kind child, up until the very end.

I always speculated (and was not alone in this) that Phos' job would become to pray the lunarians/everyone away, find Cinnabar the job to kill them, become a Bodhisattva... in this, I believe, the story remained true to itself. What I believe no one saw coming was how shallow(?) it all seemed in the end.

Everyone came back, making Phos' sacrifices and suffering basically meaningless, everyone started getting along and solving centuries-old problems in seconds. Then, Ichikawa introduced so many new changes abruptly... It felt rushed, lazy and overly simple, when most of us loved HnK for its complexity and depth.

Maybe it was because Ichikawa wanted (or needed to) end the series with ch 108. Usually, when mangaka put a limit to the chapters they want to write, it really damages the story and I wasn't a fan of this even in this situation.

Aside from these issues, I appreciate how Ichikawa seemed to care about the character of Phos.

Maybe this all happened so that Phos could be happy, maybe this was the only possible way for Phos to be happy? It would be a little bit like in Devilman, where the world basically ends only so that Satan can understand love. Idk, little old Phos didn't seem that desperate a case, they just wanted truth, yes, this did cause some... issues, but other than that they're a sweetheart.

This is the leitmotif of the series, after all: Phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred.

They internalize a pressure and a need to feel useful (coming from gem society) and turn them into a necessity for change (unlike in gem society). Initially, they want to find a job. Then, they want to help Cinnabar find a job, then they want to help Ventricosus, then then want to become a fighter, then they want to help sensei, then the gems, then the lunarians...

Contrary to most of the other gems, Phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally. They start off as a self-less creature who believes that their life isn't worth anything. Therefore, they put it on the line time and time again and, eventually, lose it time and time again as they change form.

It's their journey towards truth and happiness: they change and lose pieces of themselves, forget things, renounce gem-ness in favor of humanity and then humanity for god-hood.

Phos changes until they find the form that makes them happy. Their purest, happiest form. They change so much that they come back to square one almost: they become pure Phosphophyllite, with no inclusions at all. Still fragile, still small, but selfless and cheerful. Carefree.

In a sense, HnK ends with Phos becoming Phos.