#i want someone to do things with because doing things alone is scary and lonely

[ne-spivay-ranenko]

god i am fucking pathetic

[machidielontheway]

i am chatty today because i've got ✨The Anxieties✨

i choose to stop two choirs this year cause i didn't have fun like before (a long while, actually) and i had said to friends "i will come back with you to this other choir, the one we met all in, like you already have since a year". and i really thought i would cause it would let me keep community, and a regular occasion to work on what we'd see with my singing teacher.

but in the last two months i felt so relieved and free to not have to go back to the choirs i stopped, i began feeling like going to this other one would be again 'stiffling', even tho it's at a very low level (beginner level, altho a good beginner level). and that it would become a chore again.

i went to the open session yesterday and seeing all my friends and having fun in the warm up was really, really nice. but the choir work in itself, while of good sound quality and with a good chef, was so sloooow to my own needs. and we can't talk for real when in session, or just quick when the voice working is changing, so it's texting or nothing.

and i felt that i would be soon unfulfilled / bored in it, of the pace, and also the songs are nice but not really my taste (it was once 100%, but now it's only 50% to what i heard was planned.)

cons : - lot of people, mask is somehow accepted. i don't want to go back to singing in mask because it's really hard and creates problems which i have already, in terms of Singing. but given how covid moves lately i also don't want to be in 60 people's company in one medium room without a mask. - "slow" pace, potentially boring "what am i doing here" thinking. i could definitively bring something to do, or just read or something, as lot of people do, but i don't want my choir experience to be "you come for 2 hours and, besides warming up, you sing 15 of them". i know a good numbers of good / high level singers are in this choir and don't mind cause the ambiance is really nice, the quality is here, and the community is good, but i don't think i would have liked it. - i already have three weeks a night taken (danse, tv night with friend<3, and instrument soon if i'm not averse to it after the trial class tonight). going to choir would make it four nights a week taken every weeks (unless i double one night which is possible but not ideal especially on the long term). and i want that time to try new things / try to go forward in my life ! - i don't want to double down on my "choir the last years has been more of a duty sometimes than anything else" and continue and risk disliking it even more. i feel like simply singing in the grass or in a church with friends brings me much more pleasure, simple giddy fulfilling and without anxieties. yeah i can't sing masterpieces i've been dreaming to sing since years, needing 40 persons, but those masterpieces are not going away. they will still be sung in years and years (indodana and baba yetu my beloved)(that, funnily enough, are going to be sung this year in one of the choir i left lol. didn't change my decision) - having "one night more" gives me a little more time to try to be more active in reaching out to friends and proposing drinks or outings or so (....maybe. that's the plan. "if you wish you had a friend like that, be that friend" post)

pros : - singing and spending a little time every week with my friends, who as adult is hard to do in other circomstances ! - not feeling like my friends are having fun and sharing time together and i'm all alone not being there :( - working on what i'm working on with my singing teacher... maybe (loosing your long-time used crutches / wrong things you did because you didn't know better is very hard in context of choir where you body has sooo many automatisms)

So cons are winning a lot. but i'm so scared i'm making the wrong choice !! especially imagining them all having fun and feeling like i'm the one not there, shunned of my own desire. it uh. it hit a little bit deep in the never healed wound in my heart.

[dancing-with-stars]

guys. guys !!!!

[blkjackalz]

hiding in the tags and thinking abt feelings. scroll on past if you so want!

[patronsaintofelsewhere]

Thoughts on Angel Crowley & Healing from Trauma

(Minor Good Omens S2 Spoilers)

As someone who’s endured my own Trauma and dealt with the resulting PTSD, watching Crowley’s journey from a joyful, silly, and entirely innocent angel to a withdrawn, lonely, hyper-vigilant demon as a result of the Fall both shattered my heart and confronted me with the fact of myself, and I’d like to talk about it. 

When you* experience Trauma, you experience an existential disorientation and a profound sense of grief over the world you thought you knew–one where you were safe and nothing bad had ever happened to you. “Innocence died screaming,” and all that.

You're also therefore mourning the loss of who you were, and struggling to make sense of who you are now. Which is why this conversation is so gut-wrenching:

“I know you.” “You do not know me.” “I knew the angel you were.” “The angel you knew is not me.” 

This dialogue admittedly still makes my eyes swim. It’s reminiscent of the many conversations I’ve had with people close to me who knew me Before and After. Not only are you grieving the loss of your own innocence, so are those around you, and it feels like you’re wearing their loved one’s face like a mask.

And then underneath the grief, there’s a river of–what you’ll later discover is misplaced–guilt. They want you to be who you were. Fuck, you also want to be who you were -- to not have experienced what you did -- but you can’t.

And when they catch a glimpse of something that reminds them of Before-You -- because it's not like that you has just up and vanished, you've just changed -- they say things like, “I feel like I have you back!” Like the After-You is a consolation prize, something to be tolerated while they wait for the Before-You to return.

It’s not malicious. They love you. They want you to be happy. But it just serves as a reminder of your loss and suddenly you’re acutely aware of how alone you are with the Thing that hurt you.

After trauma, you’re lonely and you're afraid. But those emotions make you feel quite naked, because both of those things would require you to depend on other people to feel better and, at this point, the thought of doing that is far too scary, so to the world, you’re angry. Thus begins the cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy.

And that cycle goes a bit like this: People see the mistrust and the bitterness and the volatility (the shield that keeps people at an arm's length and helps you feel safe). They don't see the profound sustained fear underneath, the desperate need to feel seen and accepted. And so people pull away.

And that real or perceived abandonment feeds the monster that’s taken up permanent residence in your ribcage and screams at all hours that you’re not worthy of love, that you’re irreparably broken, and you’ll always be alone. And you pull away from the people that love you. And the cycle repeats. And you start to believe all of the bad things about yourself that the monster tells you.

Being confronted with a character who you adore and who you also relate to closely is bittersweet in that it’s both immensely painful, but also offers you an opportunity to interrupt that cycle, to explore a different -- perhaps more forgiving -- lens through which to view yourself. To practice self-compassion by proxy, if you will. After all, we tend to extend far greater empathy and forgiveness to others than we do to ourselves.

Angel Crowley, "who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty,” (joycrispy) reminded me a lot of “Angel T,” or rather myself before Trauma.

And Crowley's story is tragic. I was heartbroken and angry for him; I felt the depth of the betrayal he experienced at the hands of someone he loved who he'd believed loved him; I found myself wanting to protect him, to comfort him. Crowley did not deserve what happened to him.

And, over a decade later, I realized that I’d finally accepted that I’d been an innocent, just like Crowley had, and I didn't deserve what happened to me, either.

And -- if you find yourself relating to this post -- neither did you.

Once we can tell ourselves that and actually believe it, we can start to lower the shield. We can allow people closer, including ourselves. We can bring the parts of ourselves we may have hidden away back to the surface. We can soften again. We can truly start to heal.

Crowley, at his core, remains the same. He is still kind, deeply loving, playful, silly, and – against all odds – hopeful. But his trauma has changed him; his innocence is gone.

He struggles to trust others; fears abandonment; engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms; finds it easier to prioritize and tend to Aziraphale's needs and desires than his own; and has difficulty expressing his emotions.

But he also gained an abundance of empathy, a deep love for humanity, and a strong sense of justice.

We adore Crowley exactly as he is now; we don't wish for him to be who he was before the Fall. And neither does Aziraphale.

In kind, we won’t be who we were — nor should we try to be — but we can be something new, a different version of ourselves that is equally good, equally worthy, and equally deserving of love. 

After over a decade, I think my Trauma wound has mostly healed, as much as Trauma wounds can, anyway; it’s a dull ache rather than an acute pain. Yet Crowley's story assuaged that remaining hurt like a salve I hadn’t realized I needed.

So thank you to @neil-gaiman for giving us such a beautiful story, and to David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and the rest of the cast and crew who bring the characters we love to life on screen.

Good Omens truly is a gift. May it continue to inspire us to offer kindness and love to ourselves and one another. 🖤

* I am aware that I say “you” when I should use the singular first-person “I,” but I still struggle with this when talking about my own trauma. So I’m using “you” and you, reader, will deal with it x

[bouquetface]

PAC: Your Future

Not every reading you come across is going to be for you.

Tarot is read of current energies. Tarot does not mean something is set in stone especially for general reads. You can always change paths.

So for those reasons, take it as entertainment.

Titles & photos have very little to do with the content btw

1-2

one.

You spent many years feeling stuck & trapped. You imagine a life where you’re free. You may have goals of living in a city - somewhere far from home. You want to be unreachable from your current life.

In the future, it appears you have moved far away. You could be working or studying. You will know if this reading is for you if you have interest in biology, health, fitness or a physically active career. This career definitely requires higher education. You may be 25 when this happens or it takes place in 2025.

In the future, you are satisfied because you have finally achieved the goal of leaving.

The downside you still feel empty inside. Building a new life in this new place is not easy. You are either not close with your family or you want to do things independently. When issues arises (ex: car/transportation problems, a surprise bill/expense, etc) you have no one nearby to call. You struggle a lot.

However, it feels necessary. You must mature. Become independent, teach yourself the necessary skills to survive in life (cook, basics of laundry/cleaning, surviving on a budget, basic car or public transportation knowledge, etc).

Occasionally, you feel fear. I sense a deep pit in the stomach kind of feeling. You may experience a scary situation - being robbed, being followed, etc. Or it may simply be a fear because you know these situations are a possibility.

As I said wrote earlier, you will struggle a lot and there are a lot of tears. You will adapt but the questions - Did I choose the right path? What will become of me? - are consistent.

You will have a few acquaintances through work and/or school. You don’t seem very close to any of them. It seems everybody already knows everybody. Everybody prefers someone else over you. This can change over time.

However, effort is required. Effort is required for all of this to turn out positively. If you fail to teach yourself how to survive, if you fail to do well at your job or in school, this could easily lead back to your current state - 4th H Card: hometown, parent’s house.

If you adapt & survive, I see your personality transforming. You will be more independent/self reliant, you will feel deeply proud of how far you have come.

In romantic life, possibly due to the stress and fears of being lonely in this city, you will begin to desire a protector. You will lose interest in other types of guys like the nerdy, artsy, skater types, etc. You want someone who is intimidating. Someone who scares any possible threats away. This could be sub conscious. This may not even be a change in your type, you could already want this kind of partner. Either way the desire for a protector is extremely strengthened.

Now, be cautious because I feel some of you may accept a toxic person. Excuse their behaviours because you simply don’t want to be alone. The early part of this year - having moved & learned to adapt - was extremely transformative & possibly traumatic. You don’t want to go back to that dark phase. Keep in mind, your romantic partner has potential to be just as much of a predator as some rando on the street. Choose wisely is my advice. Don’t jump into a relationship because you’re lonely - although you will be tempted. Don’t stay in a situation that isn’t safe just because it has become comfortable.

two.

Similar to pile one, 5 is important either in 2025, in 5 years or when you’re 25.

You will be hearing “congratulations”. If you’re in a relationship, you will be getting engaged. If not, you will soon meet someone. The energy here is very stable and traditional.

You will have graduated from your schooling. You will have a stable job. Your person will choose this time to propose. The summer after you graduate is significant. This chapter in your life is so joyful. Everything you manifested is/has come to fruition. You’re so excited. Smiling so much it makes your cheeks hurt. Everyone around you is so happy. You or your best friend may love to organize and plan (Prominent Virgo or Libra placements for this person). They’ll help make your dream wedding day a reality. The wedding hasn’t happened but everyone is celebrating you! (Prominent Leo, Gemini or Cap placements).

There is a lot of earth energy to this reading as well. Your wedding or proposal may take place outside. You and your spouse could be athletic people. Enjoy a lot of outdoor dates - camping, lakes, beaches, biking, etc. Life is going absolutely perfect for you, pile two.

However, there is a very youthful energy here. You two may still be young - mid 20s(?). So of course, you’ll get some making hateful/judgy/jealous comments 🧿 But I don’t see this even bothering you one bit. You are simply too happy and focused on yourself and your loved ones. Good for you pile two! It hasn’t been easy for you in youth to not let other’s opinions affect you. You’ve definitely grown.

One important thing that keeps reappearing is an older feminine is so proud of you. It may be your mother, grandmother or mother in law. Your family is so proud of you. You archived everything you said you would - school, career, marriage. They’re definitely calling people to brag about you. If you have a sour relationship with your mother, by this time it really seems like all is resolved. Real growth & maturity. Lots of love.

[auroreliis]

Hi, may i request a yandere!batfam where the reader gets a crush on someone at their school?

By the way, your blog is so pretty.

Thank you!

Platonic Yandere!Batfam

Summary: How do they deal with their darling having a crush?

CW: no warnings

(not edited or proofread)

Bruce:

-Very tempted to separate you from your crush

-You probably have to change schools or he'll have Alfred homeschool you

-Tries to be subtle and gentle, but the others are a bad influence on him

Dick:

-He completely invades your privacy in the name of your safety and finds out that way

-If you write in a diary, he reads every entry

-Will be very invasive and pushy when it comes to asking questions about your crush

-He either confronts you alone or gets Alfred or Bruce to tag along

-If you don't answer his questions immediately, he gets obnoxiously whiny

-After a while his personality completely switches and he gets serious, threatening you with punishments

-It's scary how quickly he changes

-No matter how long it takes, you will cave and tell him everything you know

Jason:

-When Jason finds out about your crush, he won't talk to you about it, he won't let you know that he is aware of it

-He will, however, talk to your crush

-Red Hood goes and has a friendly chat with your crush, who happens to move far away and stop contacting you very soon after

-Although he believes that there is nothing redeeming about your crush, he won't ever blame you for falling in love

-He understands that it's normal, besides he is very sure that you're just lonely and desperate for affection

-No worries, your family is here for you

-If he notices your mood declining, he will spend more time with you

-He watches films, plays games and even goes out for ice cream with you, anything to distract you from your former crush

Tim:

-He found out first, because he keeps his eye on you through cameras all the time

-Does a complete background check to make sure they don't pose a threat to you

-No matter what he finds out about them, he will want to cut you off from them as soon as possible

-First, he will talk to Bruce about you breaking off school

-If that fails, he will tell the whole family about your crush, making sure to exaggerate all the negative things about them

-Basically, your whole family now hates your crush and will guilt trip you into disliking them too

-"But they kicked a kitten", Damian's pleading eyes look up at you.

-"They commit tax evasion", Tim frowns.

-"They cheated on their last partner", Jason scowls.

-You're convinced

Damian:

-Protective of you and fully believes that there is not a single person in the universe outside of your family who deserves your affection

-Tries to make your crush seem ordinary by being better than them at everything

-They can draw? Damian can draw better

-They like reading? Damian reads more

-They remember a small detail about you? Damian knows you better than you know yourself

-After a while of outdoing them at everything and convincing you that there is nothing special about them, you stop crushing on them

[1nthedarknessofthenight]

﴾ i drink your blood and i eat your skin, part eight.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x f!reader

genre: vampire au

word count: 12,4k

warnings: blood ⋆ only a mention of an animal but not described in any way!

author’s note: im so sorry for not writing again sooner, I still have some exams before me to do. though i can’t wait for my summer break, because I will finally have the time to write again and you can look forward to some other stories of mine that are almost rotting in the drafts. and btw thank you again for the amazing support <3

masterlist

playlist

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If only the things you done in the past could be erased the moment you realized you were in the wrong. You wished that after realizing your mistake, it all could be left behind. Why are you so stupid sometimes? Why did you speak before thinking first? Maybe you do deserve the pain he inflicted on you. You were asking for it but you only wanted to know the truth, you didn’t expect that it would somehow affect him so much. It was like he also learned the truth that night. Your head perhaps is just a hole filled with insecurities which you just can’t overcome because you simply won’t expect the fact that someone might actually like you. Like you, to get to know you better, see and hear about your biggest fears and dreams, helping you get pass them, overcome them and accomplish them. It feels like forever since you thought about your feelings this much. You were so used to blocking them away.

You want so badly to just let go and enjoy all of this but you have been alone for so long that you don’t even know if you want to be loved anymore. It is such a crazy idea to you, a reality now…maybe. You dream about being loved that is all you do and maybe it is the only right thing for you. You are a lover girl, not a loved girl…that’s how it is supposed to be in your head. Are you sabotaging yourself?

A man such as himself falling in love with you? Tall, handsome, so charming and yet so dark and broken, wanting only you to be his forever. You want so badly to do the same but it is all just so scary. For quite some time your world started to become dull, everyday was the same. You realized, you were always alone after all and suddenly someone came in to your life, wanting to change that? What if this is the same for him? He has seen the world grow, the circle of life, people dying and being born again. It must be so lonely for him in some way, no one stick around long enough. Like he said — if you were like him, maybe you would understand but you don’t want to say that you somehow do understand…feel something. How could you not really? Even after what happened, because of that you want to get to know him better even more. And you’re so crazy in the head that you almost liked how he touched you…

You are awake now, still however feeling yourself slip into unconsciousness every once in a while. Your body is dripping in sweat, nightgown clinging on to your skin. Though you don’t remember any dream that could possibly make your body react in that way and it is always so cold in your room. A sigh leaves you as you roll onto your back. You hate how much you enjoy the silk sheets pooling over you, caressing you. The blissful state of almost falling asleep again is abruptly interrupt as something drip down on to your skin. You wipe it off but as you do, it only happenes again.

As your hand wiped off the substance which you thought was your sweat, your coated fingers graze your nose. The awful coppery smell hits you instantly, making your face scrunch up in confusion laced with panic. As you open your eyes, they fall onto your hand. You breathe out in shock at the crimson blood as another bead drips into your open palm, making your eyes tilt up to the direction it came from.

…You have never seen such a horrifying sight. Your mind is completely wiped out of any thoughts because you couldn’t simply make out what you are seeing right now. However this gruesome picture stares right at you, almost like presented in a way, so it gives the most gut wrenching feeling out of you. Your whole body stiffened but soon began shaking wildly in panic and fright and every passing second you look at it more, it becomes more real to you. The red color covers your field of vision, you couldn’t see nothing more than that. The once beautiful eyes of the animal are now dull, life completely vanished and you could see the pain in them. The once vibrant white color of its skin now painted red, dripping down on your bed. Your breathing becomes heavy but you couldn’t get any air into your lungs, every intake punches you into your chest and soon your lips open to release a blood curdling scream.

Eyes blocked with your hot tears, made you fall onto the ground as you so desperately try to scramble away as far as your stiff muscles would allow you to. You feel like throwing up, swallowing your spit and trying to fight the awful feeling in your stomach. Your hands curl up to your chest as you sat on the floor, you could feel how much your heart was pounding. You must be dreaming…yes, you must be. This is just another nightmare. Just a nightmare. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real—

You jump harshly as the door to your bedroom swings open, so fast that it flew onto the wall heavily and with such a force that the door almost fell off its hinges. Your hands fly to your ears at the loud sound, still not being able to catch your breath as every intake burned inside your chest. Your bloodshot eyes fall to your nightgown, seeing how much it is stained with that godawful substance and you wish for the floor to swallow you whole.

Your cries are so loud that you don’t even hear someone rushing in to your room, accompanied with another pairs of footsteps. The first person to come in to the room, immediately rushes to your trembling figure, momentarily stopping to look at the sight that now is permanently imprinted in your mind. You feel cold hands touching yours, flinching instantly away from them. You already know who it is, you don’t know how but you just do. Maybe because you feel such a weird sense of calmness wash over you but you are in such a state of shock that you couldn’t do anything other than jump away from the touch.

Hyunjin thought that by being one of the most powerful creatures on earth meant that there was simply nothing to be afraid of…till now — when he heard that sound. Till he heard that horrible sound of your scream…the way it sounded — so in pain, so scared, he immediately felt it too. He didn’t think twice, rushing to your room, so blinded by his own fear that he didn’t even see his family being right behind him, following him. When his eyes fell onto your curled up body, shaking like a leaf, he almost fell down on his own knees in despair. However the well known smell, made him for a second stumble upon the cause of all of this. His heart broke at the sight and also for you. He tried to calm you down but how? You don’t even want to look at him, scared that you will catch a glimpse of it again.

“No—no, I can’t, I can’t–“ Comes out of your lips as soon as his hands leave you. Your shaking hands press onto your eyes, slowly falling down to your knees, crunching up the fabric of your nightgown tightly but you could still see the blood.

Hyunjin glances back for a second at the bed, catching eyes with his equally horrified best friend who stood next to your bed before he also looks down at your body. Only by touching your hands, his own were completely covered in it and for the first time in a while he feels repulsed by the crimson. It gives you pain then why should it give him pleasure?

Your eyes flicker back to the canopy, only feeling more shocked and disgusted at the sight, you just have to be sure you’re not imagining all of this. This is so sick, who did this…why?

Hyunjin looks down again at his hands coated in blood and for a minute he wonders if any of it is yours but he would already know if yes because your blood simply smells different from any other. You aren’t injured physically but this imagine is grater and even more painful than any other. Someone must have done this with a purpose…hurt you. His eyes flash with anger, his priority was only you at this moment, every day, every night. Revenge can wait.

“Search the grounds.” Says Chan. Hyunjin didn’t acknowledge his presence at all till now and looking at him he realized, he wasn’t the only one in great anger. “Even the woods.” He adds, the men who followed their master in to your room nod before scrambling away.

A sob broke the silence, making Hyunjin look back at you. “It’s okay, love-“ He shushes you softly, putting his arms around your body, caging you but still not touching you, only hovering because you didn’t give him your permission.

Your cries die down a little, still hiccuping slightly as the panic slowly goes away. Shaking your head at his words, your eyes close as you tilt your head up. You go to take a breath through your nose but it is only clogged up because of your crying, making you breathe in with your lips. Your eyes open, finally looking at him. Your puffy and red eyes meet his azure and piercing ones. In a sense they calmed you a little as you thought of the ocean every time you would look into them.

Hyunjin’s heart broke even more at your gaze. He could see the pain, panic, sadness while also laced with sleepiness at the corners. How could someone do this to you…

His arms fall a little to his sides and you finally seem to register how close he is to you but you don’t pull away. You are safe now. “Let me help you clean up.”

You don’t give him a response and like he could read your mind, he knew that you weren’t against it. You don’t even know if you can stand up on your own. Your hands press onto the floor, trying to stand up on your shaking legs and before you could stumble even a little, he is already there. Like every time since the night you two met. His hands flew to grip your upper arms. His touch feels different from the past, still strong but now also gentle, like he is holding a piece of glass. You are not sure if it is because of the situation but it almost feels like his cold touch, could set your body on fire. You feel empty, traumatized and completely uselessness. The vampire helped you up, but it is more like he is standing and walking for you both. You have never felt so light in your life and it wasn’t just because of his strong arms, you felt — tired.

He leads you to the bathroom, closing the door slightly while walking you to the bathtub. You let out a small hiccup at his gentle touch, so careful, feeling completely undeserving of his attention at the moment. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry…” He doesn’t response, letting him push you on to the bath, making you sit down at the corner as he hold you in his arms a little longer. Your brain almost forgot about whatever happened outside this door as he rubs small circles on your skin. Your eyes were too scared to look into his, breath hitching as his thumb trails over the naked skin of your shoulder. Hyunjin also got a little lost in the moment before he looks down at your blood covered nightgown. That sight makes him snap back to his senses, hands leaving your body.

When he stepped out from your line of sight, your eyes fell to the mirror. Blood covered your neck, face, even your hair line and basically your whole upper body. You become sick to your stomach, remembering that this is the blood of an innocent animal. Looking at your hands you reminisced the way its soft skin felt on your skin, just a few hours ago. Now they only made you see the crimson that stained them.

As you look upon them, your view is blocked by a hand, traveling over your skin of your fingertips till it comes to softly hold yours. Hyunjin kneels down before you, holding your hand out for him to wipe off the blood from your skin. He was so soft, it almost felt like your skin was being kissed by a whiff of cold wind. His cold touch calms down your racing heart and you almost want to grumble in protest as he keeps his touch at minimum. It felt so nice and jokingly cooling. However in some way you are thankful that he respects your boundaries.

“I can do it myself—“ You whispered, watching the towel slowly turning red while your skin is finally being able to breathe again.

“No.” He said, stubbornly, almost as he was mocking you but on his face was no smile whatsoever.

You watch him wash your hands with the towel, the water in the bucket where he dipped it in progressively getting darker. You are slightly mesmerized by how much bigger his hand is compared to yours. Yes, you do look at them quite often but seeing his long fingers wrapping around your wrist like that is a first. You become aware that you were still dressed in the same, a little see through nightgown and it makes you self conscious. Your other, now clean hand, comes to tug at the fabric so it isn’t so tight on your body. Watching the man before you, you let his hand linger on your wrist, fingers pressing into your pulse.

He could feel how much your heart is racing, but it is not like he couldn’t hear it with his own ears as well as the pulsing blood underneath your skin. Hyunjin went to wring out the towel, turning back to you with his back now straight. Your breath hitched slightly, timidly lowering your gaze. Even if he was the one kneeling he has the power here. How wrong you were…

Fingers, like a feather touching your chin made you look back at the man. The hand on your nightgown formed into fist for a moment as he now washes away the pain from your features. He still holds your chin between his fingers as he wipes the blood, sweat and tears. The embarrassing noise you almost let out, gets stuck in your throat as you look up at him. How can someone look so good from this angle? His concentrated gaze made you feel timid, so many thoughts suddenly running through your head and ones that made you lower your gaze.

Your lips release a choke breath. At the same moment you look away from him, reality hits you yet again. You can still remember the horrible sight you saw just moments ago. “I don’t understand what happened…why would someone do this —“

He sighed at your confused, saddened tone, lifting your chin higher slightly to meet your eyes and suddenly you forgot you were even angry at him yesterday’s night. Whatever happened yesterday was so silly and so stupid, you really don’t understand yourself sometimes. He was so kind to you, even with his nature, he would never hurt you or wouldn’t even want to see you get hurt...Why are your eyes suddenly wide open? You feel horrible that this — what happened made you realize how stupid and ungrateful you were. You just don’t now what to do…so you rather do nothing or just push further and further away.

Your eyes unwillingly welled up with tears, falling down your cheeks freely and poolling in to his hand. “Poor animal, oh my god was it yours — the horse.” The words fall out of your mouth, sniffling at your own words. When you looked at him, he didn’t quite meet your eye and for the first time you could see how much heartbroken he truly was. “I’m so sorry…”

He suddenly looks back at you, his other hand still tracing the towel your tear stained face. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for…I should be the one apologizing.” Hyunjin whispers the last words, his hands falling to his side before going to grip the bathtub you are sitting on.

You immediately understood what he is implying, it is not like you weren’t thinking about it earlier. “No.” You whisper back, trying to meet his eyes but his are set on the marble floor. “I am sorry.” For everything…you wanted to say. You wanted to say sorry for being so detached.

He shakes his head at your words, a short dry laugh falling from his lips. His hands on each side of you caged you under his glare but it wasn’t an unwelcome one, he looked saddened just as you were about all of this. “Someone did this to you — without me knowing even a single thing…” He sneers but his voice becomes little as he looks at your leg briefly where your mark, bruise, he left on you would be. It burned under his gaze. “No one knows a thing and they could have hurt you. I would never forgive myself for that…” His voice almost cracks at the end, recalling what he did yesterday, feeling like he is no better than the person who did this.

His broken tone rings in the air but only a single move it took to change the whole atmosphere of the room. As Hyunjin looked up at you, his hands gripped the edge of the bath so tightly, you could hear the stone cracking under his palms. You corner almost at the wild look in his azure eyes that are now just a flicker more red than usual. “I will find whoever did this and I promise you, I’ll kill them for you.” He says, lip curling up, giving you a small glimpse of his sharp teeth.

Your heart starts to beat even faster with his words and before you could stop yourself, your hand flew to his. Your hand grabbed his, scared that he would break the bathtub with his unhuman strength. His eyes cleared the moment your warm skin touches his freezing one. Both of you glance at each other in shock and just as quickly as you touched him, you pull away.

Your eyes look at your own hands in disbelief as he look at his in amazement. How are you so warm? Hand so smooth and warm that he wondered how it would feel like to have it back on his skin. What you did, in some way feels different from any other touches you have shared before. It felt intimate, just the split of second giving away such a raw emotion in which he now wants to drown in. He tried to say something but words some times are not enough nor necessary. At least your said precious skin isn’t covered in blood anymore but the big stain on your nightgown is still a big give away of what happened.

Hyunjin then stands up without a word, throwing the towel away before stopping to look through the slightly open door. His heart sank as he gazed back into the bedroom, just as his friend was being removed from the canopy of your bed. How come someone was able to sneak in and do this without anyone hearing even a thing? He knows better. This doesn’t feel like an attempt to kill you — his dead heart seems to skip a beat under this awful thought. This was a sign of a warning.

“From now on, you will be with me. I want you by my side.”

You said nothing, because there is no point in arguing and also you liked his idea better than being in here alone. You can’t stand the thought of ever sleeping in that bed ever again and the once beautiful, comfy sheets made your stomach flip. You again turn to look at yourself in the mirror opposite to you, grimacing at the image. Your messy bed hair was sticking to your skin, eyes and lips puffy with your nose runny from the crying, you can’t understand for a moment, how his appeal could be even possible.

Standing up, you again unstick the material of your nightgown from your skin. It felt uncomfortable, not to mention you felt dirty and the way he could probably see the outline of your body didn’t make you pleased. You go around the tub, just where he stood but before he could let you walk pass him, he stops you.

You stumble slightly when he suddenly turn around, blocking your way with his towering body. You look up at him, shakily breathing through your nose as he glared into your eyes. “Don’t look.” He probably meant whatever was happening inside the room right now and you would definitely feel better of not knowing. It wasn’t like you would want to look anywhere else beside his alluring eyes.

You both take the time to look at each other’s features. You marvel over his perfect pale skin that almost seemed translucent as you could see the veins under the thin layer of skin. It felt like you were seeing him in a completely different light. You also wondered if he was enchanted with you as much as you were with him but that didn’t seem right in your head. Maybe if you were clean and would be wearing something nicer…you suddenly want him to see you in the best version of yourself. He literally has only seen the bad and the worse. Where did this come from?

You listen to the noises just outside the room, they however felt like miles away as he grazed his hand over your left shoulder. Hyunjin was experimenting, trying to see if you would feel repulsed by his touch but you didn’t even flinch. Your heart skipped a beat slightly and from what he could hear it wasn’t in a bad way. His hand, completely now on your shoulder, fingers extending that his index finger almost reached your collarbone, trailed down the length of your arm. His hand awakened goosebumps all over your body, the simple touch made you feel so embarrassed as it was so exciting to your untouched skin. His hand stopped at your wrist, short familiarity spiking through you as he left it there.

Who was more nervous? You or Hyunjin? He would like to say that it was him. His hand tightened its hold, still careful not to hurt you…like he did before. Hyunjin throws the thoughts away, trying to enjoy the fact that you are willingly letting him touch you. He has a hard time to look into your big curious eyes, his own glancing at your hand that clunched the fabric of your nightgown closer to your chest.

He quickly looks away, turning around still holding you and finally walking out of the bathroom together. Your eyes were deadly set onto the floor but you couldn’t miss the fact that he purposely blocked the sight of the bed with his body. Though you are still looking at his hand around your wrist. What if he would be holding your hand instead? Maybe interlock your fingers together? That was probably too much and so early for either of you to handle.

When you step outside the bedroom, you feel like, you can finally breathe. Your eyes flicker to the man who is still holding you to the other people passing by you. They walk by you with heavy, fast steps and as you turned around, some of them would stop at your bedroom or continue their path further. So many people, men and women of all ages. It looked unnatural as because you were so used to being alone in this place. Or maybe they already did walk passed you like this, maybe your eyes just weren’t opened till now.

You jump slightly every time your feet would land on the freezing floor, missing the carpets. You glance down, grimacing because you see blood seeping through the carpet, there was no way you could miss it, even on the dark colors of the material. Hyunjin seems to feel your shift, even if if your emotions were all over the place. He could read people just by the smallest difference in the beat of their heart. Well, sometimes when it comes to you. He looked back at you, eyes traveling to the direction you were looking. Such an attention to detail, even he didn’t notice it. His head was just too occupied at this moment.

Confused you glance at him as he took few steps before you, finding his back turned to you but that wasn’t the thing that made you so confused. It was his irregular steps. He looked like he was dancing and soon you realized what he was doing. He was making a path for you to follow so you wouldn’t step in any of the dirty spots on the carpet. You wanted to thank him but words were not necessary at the moment. However, you, nervously, squeezed his finger that was resting inside your palm and he in responded squeezed your wrist back. How can he know you so well when you speak so little?

He lead you further into the house, the furtherest you have ever been so far. You both passed by the big staircase, going right into the direction where you haven’t been before. The hallway at this side of the house wasn’t almost lit at all, some candles though keep you from stumbling in the dark. The air also was colder but not too uncomfortable, maybe because you’re getting used to it. Hyunjin stops almost at the end of the corridor. Right before slightly open door, turning to you to let you in the room first.

Before you step inside, you glance into the room where the welcoming soft hue of orange was coming from. As you took small step inside, Hyunjin for some reason thought that your small uncertainty in your steps meant you’re suddenly uncomfortable with the hold he has you in. He released you at that, fingers twitching as he could still feel the small electricity at his fingertips. When your hand falls unexpectedly to your side, you turn in confusion at your company who without even a glance walks past you into the room. You don’t want to question his behavior anymore, it seems like these mood swings of his are a normal occurrence, so you just follow him inside.

This room was even bigger than yours. Ceilings even higher, decor even more dramatic and everything just so more monumental. You two however weren’t alone in the room as some maids kept running all over the place and are thankful for their presence at the moment. Your eyes flicker to the bookshelfs, lining the walls, to the small table rounded by a couch and some chairs, to another door, probably leading to a bathroom, till they stop at the big bed. Because of the candles that the maids are trying so hard to light up, you could at least get a glimpse of the room like this. Your eyes travel over to him, standing before you, watching you, before you had to again avert your gaze somewhere else, right back to the bed where you can tell how the sheets were unmade.

“Is this your bedroom?” You wondered out loud but you already knew the answer as you glance timidly back to him.

“Yes.” He said.

You hate this when you realized this is the first time you have been in man’s bedroom like this. You simply nod at his agreement, trying to ignore your own thoughts by looking more around his room, finding even more new things to marvel about because of the lit candles. You could see the small streeks of light, coming from the top of the heavy curtains as well as some papers on one of the tables in the room. You again remembered what happened just moments ago. It was so quick, all of this. From the sight to his kind words, touch and now this. He must’ve just woken up as you turn to look at his clothes. They were still the same clothes that he wore last night, another reminder that all of this happened so quickly. You don’t know, if it’s the fact that you don’t have a life to begin with but everything that happened made you so tired but you can’t even think of sleeping again.

Two women passed by you, watching them put something on the bed. The sparkling fabric winked at you and you immediately realize that those are the dresses that were given to you. You look away, however he is already watching your every move, noticing the small look of wonder on your face.

“I haven’t seen you wearing any of the dresses I gave you.” Hyunjin said, turning his back to you slightly as he leans over his bed to pick at the fabric of one of those dresses. “You don’t like them?” He almost sounded hurt.

You knew that he was just playing with you. “I didn’t know they were for me.” You respond, cringing how stupid it sounded. Who did you play dumb for?

He however wasn’t offended by your lie at all. “I wish to see you in them, but of course only if you want yourself.” The vampire added quickly, not to sound too controlling. “It is not wrong to enjoy these gifts I give you.”

To be fair, you can’t lie that there wasn’t a single moment when you almost picked out one of them, to maybe even just feel the fabric between your fingers but dressing up was the last thing on your mind right now. You are still shaken, confused and traumatized, you kind of wished that all of this was just a dream. He knew that even if it didn’t seem like it. He completely understands how you are feeling right now, he is only trying to keep your mind off it.

Hyunjin panics a little as your heart didn’t calm down, still fast, your lips sat into a thin line. “Would you like a bath?” He asked, more like himself as you finally glance back at him at his words. “You would want to yes…” He thought, almost frantically.

Your eyes flicker down at your nightgown again and at the big stain on the front of it. “Yes…but you can clean up first.” You say, looking at his bloodied shirt, he following your statement by also looking at himself, like he only now realized.

“Don’t worry about me, blood has never bothered me.” He waved you off. Till, he saw it being the cause of your pain.

You frown. “Pobably but it is still from your—“ You stopped yourself before even thinking to continue. His face turns into sorrow for a second at the mention of his beloved, now deceased animal. “I’m sorry.”

You look around the room again, trying to escape the conversation. The beautiful decorations kept your mind occupied, eyes traveling to the little angels at each corner of the room. Under the dim light they almost looked haunting. His canopy looked even more magnificent and monumental than yours, if that was even possible and definitely less bloody...The colors of the bed however were still the same as yours, the sheets unmade, duvet almost on the floor.

“Aren’t you tired?” You spoke up again, eyes plastered on the bed. When you were met with silence you glance back, him expressing a small confusion on his features. “Like it’s morning.”

“Vampires don’t get tired but yes, sometimes we need sleep to regain our strength but I don’t think I can sleep, knowing you are now in danger.”

“It is alright, you can-“

“No, it’s not!” He raised his voice, the sheer loudness making you tremble as well as the other people in the room who momentarily stopped everything they were doing just to look at him. It was like he himself got shocked by his own reaction but to him it was the only right one. He doesn’t understand how you are somehow so unaffected about this. Yes, you are still slightly shaking but it seem like this is taking a bigger role on him than you. “Someone was in your room, someone got inside without anyone knowing and left a message that for sure wasn’t a felicitation of me courting you.”

You ignore the fact that he basically said you two were to be wed or something like that, because you only realize by his words that he is right. You’re in danger and without even a single clue who the enemy is, but you know that it must be someone powerful as they got away with this so easily. “But I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt me — I’m no one.” You mean it. You’re a human with one friend, no enemies that you know of and you have a normal, quiet life — till now.

Hyunjin can’t help the small anger rising in his chest from your words, shaking his head in disbelief that you would even think something like that. “You’re not no one, not only for me but also for others.” That made your heart skip a beat and from the way his voice was radiating sincerity. “Someone knows who you are and that leaves you in a dangerous situation…In my long life, I have never feared the enemies, I made along the way, till now.”

You go silent, only sighing deeply from his confession. He really does now how to use his words to make you go insane in the head. You can’t help but feel slightly giddy inside because of the way he always speaks to you, so kindly and passionately, in way that you have only read in books and wondered — just wondered if anyone like this truly exist. You do not know him that well but you can’t imagine him having any enemies at all...maybe his charms didn’t work all the time.

Yawning, you quickly put your hand over your mouth, silencing that embarrassing sound but it only made Hyunjin’s frown deeper. “You can go to sleep…you’re safe now.” He doesn’t think that there will be even a second of not him listening to your beating heart. The possibility of there being a scenario where he wouldn’t be able to, made him scared…he is scared.

You do feel how your eyes are getting droopy, your legs becoming soft but the thought of sleeping after all of these events really wasn’t possible. “I don’t think I can–“ You sigh in small exhaustion. However your body is telling you a whole different story and he could see it. The thing that happened just moments ago, made you truly awake, it made your eyes wide open, for the first time since you got here. Or maybe since you met him?

You started to see different colors, ones that finally made you feel alive. Like you were born again, in some sense. But was it really necessary for a sweet, innocent animal to get hurt for this? It also could have been you... The thought of some stranger creeping up on you while sleeping, you completely unaware and the person choosing to give a message like this instead of not simply killing you, made you fear even more. “—I’m still sorry for your horse…” You say again, you just can’t help but feel a little bit responsible for this.

Hyunjin has to keep calm, emotions too much for his cold heart to bear. “Like I said, it wasn’t your fault…the most important thing is that you are alright.”

Yes, of course. That was the most important thing…

But you do not in fact feel alright. You have just seen the most gruesome image, you have ever seen. It is all your fault. You do not want to be alone. You want to stay with him — he now makes you feel safe. How could you be so heartless and cold towards him? Was it just your defense mechanism with everything that brings you happiness? Finally being seen, made you frightened as there was also someone or something that saw you. It was in your room, the only goal in their mind to scare you…away?

Set of footsteps echo behind you, stopping just at the threshold of the room. You had to focus your eyes on this new face you haven’t seen before. The young man’s skin, shined in the dimly lit room, eyes reflecting like the eyes of a wild animal. He looked so young, hair longer blonde and eyes striking you with their intensity. He momentarily looked at your figure but his full attention was however on the vampire behind you. They stared at each other, the blonde giving a look which you couldn’t quite understand but Hyunjin certainly did.

You feel him right at your back, cold from his skin so close to yours. Turning around, you glance between him and the young man. His close proximity didn’t startle you that much as he with a deep inhale, backs away from you himself. “I have to go now…” He looks down at you with his blue eyes, searching for forgiveness. You don’t want to be alone…for the first time, you really need his company in some way and even if he didn’t like his nonpresence as much as himself, he needs to do at least something about this situation you’re now in. He could see your small frown, you are trying to hide but there is a hint of understanding which he is thankful for.

He takes a step closer to you but stops midway with his lips parted. Whatever there was that he wanted to say, was replaced by other words, you could see the true words reflecting in his eyes. “If you need anything, just go down to the end of the of the corridor, I will be there.”

The tension could be cut with knife, aware of the audience you two still have, you simply nod in understanding, wrapping your arms around yourself as to form some sort of barrier between you and him. Why does he have to look at you like that? Like he could see right through you or maybe trying to, flickering his vibrant eyes all over you.

Your lips also parted but you close them again as he walks past you in a sense of hurry and you didn’t even know it was because he almost decided to stay here with you…

────

And in fact, sleep didn’t find you after all. Every time you would close your eyes, you would see the gruesome picture, the sad and grey eyes staring right at you, the blood…The bed you are laying in is still cold, the heavy duvet couldn’t give you the warmth you were searching for. You desperately need someone, just to comfort you. You have never felt so scared and paranoid. Your eyes would travel all around the room, till you memorized every detail in the dimly lighted room. You didn’t let anybody blow even a single candle off because the thought of being in the dark, made your skin crawl.

The only thing which weirdly seem to comfort you were the sheets. The spicy, sweet scent lingering in them filling your nose till it helped your body to relax. You tried to ignore the fact that the sheets smelled like him. It is only because he is powerful enough to protect you, his scent wrapped around you like an embrace you still desperately need. Protect you? He even said himself that he failed to do that…Someone really tried to — or maybe at least considered to kill you. You…such a bizarre, scary, yet now true and realistic thing. And it is because of him, the man who still scares you.

You can’t really choose sides because you can see who the real enemy is. You can’t keep telling yourself that he is the one who is going to hurt you. You have to believe that he wouldn’t do that, turn into his instincts and just sucking you dry of your life. Maybe he is just a normal man trapped in his own body…

There is probably no way of going out of this now, you fear you don’t have any other choice. You just want to close your eyes and wake up. Wake up from this nightmare. You hate how you have no idea what do to. You, till now had all the control over your life as it was simple and you were basically the only person in it. You, now have to rely on him, trust him to protect you. Trust him that he will not change his mind with you.

You can’t stand a second alone anymore. The creaks of the old wood made you jump every time, your skin around your nails was already raw from your picking and you could feel the lump in your throat slowly suffocating you. You don’t want to be alone anymore, even if it means that he would be the one to safe you from this prison. You just need a small walk and not think about anything. Maybe find something to eat, since you still haven’t eaten anything, even if the thought of food made you sick to your stomach.

You clinched onto the silky skirt of your nightgown, not even caring about the cold floor under your feet. Your skin was clean but the memory still lingered as well as also the metallic smell under your nose. The black fabric trailed behind you as you make your way out of the bedroom. You simply picked the silky, long, black nightgown because it didn’t remind of that one stained in sin.

This side of the mansion was unusually cold. You wondered if it is because of the death living in these walls. Everything however other than the cold, seemed more used and alive. There were roses at every piece of furniture, the carpet which you were standing on, had in some places its color faded and even the wooden floors were scratched, probably from shoes. It all shined with such light, you haven’t seen before.

You walked further and further, till you had to turn around to look at the end of the hallway to a door. It seemed to call to you, maybe that is were he was hiding but as you reached the railing of the big staircase, you were proven otherwise.

Your hand wrapped around the polished wood of the staircase when you felt it. Him, his presence stabbing you into your back. “Where are you going?” You gasp, turning swiftly, with your eyes wide.

Maybe he should stop doing that. Maybe his quiet movements and talent to always creep up on you, just comes with his nature but you probably will never get used to it. His sudden appearance made goosebumps rise all over your body, looking at him with your lips parted. He looked in some way different...His hair was tussled, eyes piercing and weirdly wide as he stared down at your body clad in the black nightgown with an unnatural expression who think you have seen before — but you just can’t place it. His lips were red and plump, almost like just bit into a cherry. He looked…yes, different that is the word. “Nowhere…” Is your simply answer as you tighten your grip on the railing, not being able to meet his eyes. Why don’t you tell the truth? You are not sneaking out or anything but just this sudden difference in his appearance, made you quiver and lost don’t words.

He looks disappointed at your lack of answer. He licks his lips when he took a step closer to you and you couldn’t help but to follow that movement. Was it the smell of him from the sheets still lingering on you or was it coming from him? It burns your nose in an awfully pleasant way, your head almost starts to hurt from it. It wrapped around you, just the way you need, but he didn’t seem to notice your disorientation that much as he himself seems to be quite lost.

“I told you to stay in my bedroom.”

You frown at that. There’s no reason for you to be in his room the whole time, seeing that you are still being watched and he only just proved your point by showing up. Like he said, you’re safe now, at least from the person who did that horrible thing. In fact, you'd rather be doing something other than lying in bed, just wondering. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is a lot. Finally you want to do something in this still unfamiliar place. For once, you want to do something to keep your mind occupied, so you wouldn’t again drown in your own thoughts and secondly you just don’t think it is that big of a deal that you’re outside his bedroom. There are probably many people looking after you and you’re thankful for that but he seems like he doesn’t trust them, you — to take care of yourself. Maybe you’re a human but you still have free will in this house.

“Till what?” You say, back leaning on the staircase. “I just want something to eat.” You trail off, almost like a little kind after being scolded.

“And I told you to call me if you need something–“

“I can still walk and do things myself…I’m fine.” You, so badly wanted to roll your eyes and maybe not really in annoyance. He came again closer to you and you almost shiver at the smell radiating from him. Why is it so addicting? What is he doing to you?

His stops right in front of you, making you look up into his glaring eyes. Even if his build was quite thin, he radiated power that made you want to curl up into a ball. “You’re taking all of this too lightly.” Hyunjin leans over you, your eyes completely captivated by his and the red hue they held.

“And you too…” You don’t want to say that you got lost in his eyes. Also you don’t know how to feel about someone like him being so concerned about your well being but you think he is just a little exaggerating. It happened to you, not him. You really should feel more scared and you think you even do but all of your fright seem to vanish when he is present. Again, is it only because you know him well enough now that you know, he won’t hurt you or is it only because there is someone showing you who the real danger is? Do you really trust him? Maybe but you do not trust these feelings you are starting to feel when you are with him. When he is away, you always think of him differently than when he is with you…you’re totally screwed.

Hyunjin looks you over, listening closely to your heart. It was steady, you were too calm for his liking. Just few hours ago, you were shaking and now you’re almost completely calm. “You are telling me that this doesn’t concern you?” He questioned you, trying to search in your eyes for answers as they were completely unmoving from his. “Well, it certainly does concern me.”

“That’s good for you.” Comes out of your mouth, wishing silently to not be having this conversation any longer. You suddenly feel embarrassed as you realize how you are acting. The sweet smell turned sorrow the more his frown deepened and also your own expression. Why are you acting like this? You’re a grown woman and you shouldn’t be acting like this. You don’t know if he truly noticed what you were doing but you wished for the ground to swallow you whole.

With a shaky inhale you turn your body to possibly go around him but he saw your move of getting away from him miles away. His arm blocked your way, hand grabbing the railing so close to yours, you again almost shivered as his other also caged you in. You can’t look at him now. You knew you would only embarrassed yourself further. Could he sense your desperation? Maybe this thing — the smell was playing with your head or made you do feel this way about him but you were certain that if you would look at him, you would lost the silent battle between you two.

“Just let me go.” You say, voice soft and quiet but he could hear you clearly as well as your pounding heart.

Your head is leveled with his upper chest but your eyes are set on his hand next you, gripping the railing so tightly, like he is holding the last bit of his sanity left in him. It is only to ignore his breath fanning over you but you just become more aware of his close presence. You could feel his cold breath moving your hair as he leans over your frozen body. “No.”

Your eyes look into his direction, stopping at his chest softly raising and falling and his alabaster skin, peaking out of his slightly unbuttoned shirt. “Let me go, Hyunjin.” You are now pleading because you really do feel like fainting from this rollercoaster of emotions, you’re now experiencing.

Your words may have meant a little more than either of you would like to admit. He looks down at you with such softness that he is only confident in when you are not fully seeing it. “How can you? How can you be so calm? Are you not scared that somebody tried to hurt you?” He says, hair around your forehead being swept away from his breath.

You finally look at him, pointedly. “It is not like it would be the the first time…”

Were you only this mean to see what he would do? See how much it would take for him to see that maybe you’re not the right person for him. Everything that happened was only because of someone else. And he in fact finally sees you, even more than you thought he would as he steps away from you with his eyes flashing with anger. Or maybe he is just seeing what you've been trying to achieve all along. Trying to throw away any responsibility as your form of self protection. Because your life gave you everyday the same things and when finally something new happens to you, you are too scared to do anything about it.

Maybe you were being too harsh with your words as you look upon him. As soon as he backed away from you, he comes even closer. Way closer. You become wide eyed from how fast, he pinned you up against the railing. “Listen to me, you will stay in your room till I say otherwise, I can’t compel you but I sure will convince you.” The stairs digged painfully into your back and not from you trying to get away from him, he is actually the one pressing you into it.

You breathe out as you can feel your chests up against each other and you flush at the feeling more as you realized there weren’t that many layers separating you. “You c-can’t…” You can’t talk properly as he is basically suffocating you.

He tilts his head a little at your words. “Can’t what?” Hyunjin repeats, tilting his head down at your level to maybe catch your eye fully. “You’re really testing my patience, love. I don’t want to be like this…I don’t want to make you fear me but you’re so…insufferable.”

Please, stop saying that. You do know how you are acting and that it is bad. No person deserves this and you do know what it feels like. You are becoming the very person you hate. “Hyunjin….I am so sorry — I am just so scared.” You’re scared of everything. Manly from these feelings bubbling inside your chest, not even the person that wants to hurt you, scares you more. You promise yourself to not feel this emotions again, it just never works out in your favor. You glance at him, eyes filled with sorrow that his own seemed to completely mimic. “I just don’t want to think about all of this. Everything is still so new and now this?” You look around, hating yourself for the burning in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore…what to feel anymore —”

His hand travels from the railing closer to your own, tips of his fingers touching your burning skin. You look down at his hand, lingering again so close to yours before looking up at him with big eyes. “Then let me…let me be you, I will protect you but you just have to let me in….” He says, whispering those words to you.

Your heart flutters at his words. Does he really mean it? If yes, would you even be able to give in fully? You can’t say that you don’t want to. His eyes look into yours with such softness, you wondered if those are really the same eyes you saw the first night you two met. You could see him, through those red irises you saw someone. His true self. He also could see the small girl peaking from behind the beautiful color of your eyes, a small girl who searched her whole life for a purpose and love. He wants to think he is what you have been searching for. He enjoys these moments of complete silence. Your voice is so warm and soothing but sometimes these silent moments gave more than words. Hyunjin could look at you freely. From your eyebrows to your eyes that showed him wrinkles of smiles and tears they have been through, to your nose that you sometimes like to stick somewhere you shouldn’t and then your lips. You do notice that.

You let him, as you are also letting your own eyes fall onto his own but the usual admiration you had for them vanished. From the conversation you had before you didn’t notice the small smudge of red at the corner of his mouth. You knew what it was, you knew what he was, so this should be normal, even for you but you today find yourself absolutely dispising this color. You turn your head away from him and he at the loosen his grip on the railing.

You don’t want to think about what happened, you don’t meet his lingering stare. You knew it would only give away your feelings for him, you wouldn’t be able to hide them. He steps away from you, still however keeping close to you but you could atleast breathe now. You look up at him then after few moments of just trying to calm yourself down, eyes falling immediately on the same spot as before, at his lips.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Huh?” You let out dumbly, momentarily looking at his eyes which held a teasing flicker. “–something?”

His lips curl up at one corner, exactly the one where the smear is. “Well, you will have to tell me more if you want something, angel.”

Can he stop with these nicknames already? Nobody called you that before and it made an unfamiliar feeling rise in your chest. You could feel your face burning and you knew he could tell. You frown at that, embarrassed. “Stop it” You mumbled to yourself but it was in some way mainly meant for him and you don’t immediately realize he could still hear you.

“Stop what?” He asks, confused but you knew with the look on his face that he is teasing you.

You sigh. “Nothing…” Playing along and to safe yourself from further embarrassment, you start to play with the skirt of your nightgown. “…whatever there is available.”

You starts again fidgeting in his presence but this was totally normal now it seams. You really do become aware of how much you can’t speak freely to new people, so used to the small circle you had. Oh, how you missed them but you do think that if Mia knew at least with who you’re spending your time with, she would be absolutely delighted for you. You dream about having at least enough confidence to speak without any fear of how the others would perceive you but on the other hand, you really didn’t think twice before talking. Like now.

His lips which had your full attention parted to maybe again say something teasing in his sultry voice of his but your thoughts were already flying from your mouth before he could even get a sound out. “Why is there blood on your mouth?”

There is silence after that, watching how the warmness in his eyes slightly dimmed. You’re always asking such questions — you do know why. It was just a small thought that you should have kept to yourself. He looked at you with a small pointed look, not knowing how to answer because it was so obvious. Yes, it truly was. However your mind sometimes likes to blur the fact that he really feeds from blood and blood only. Such a fairytale — perhaps nightmare he is, you still can’t wrap your head around it.

His eyes linger on yours while he swipes the blood from his lips with his thumb, his movements little too slow to not be intentional. The fact he then wraps his plump lips around the digit is definitely on purpose. Your own parted into a silent gasp, feeling your heart, hammering against your chest from his actions.

You think that maybe he was going to say something again or take a challenging step closer to you but your little moment was interrupted by a set of quick footsteps with heavy breathing. You both turn to your left to see a young woman, coming from the hallway, stopping for a second as she jumps at your appearance. Your eyes travel from her scared eyes to her clothes, giving you a clue that she is one of the maids in this home but you definitely couldn’t look away from the blood coating her hand which was pressed into her neck.

Your heart broke a little as you connected the dots, flickering your gaze to Hyunjin. The woman thankfully didn’t stay for too long as she quickly disappeared from your sight. You do still look into her direction because you can’t look at him again. Maybe you are just exaggerating but to you this is a big deal. You don’t know if feeding from someone means anything to them — him but to you it does. Piercing someone’s skin with your teeth to drink blood which was your source of pleasure…It is no one of your business if he is with other women — or is it?

You could feel your face unwillingly scrunch up into a frown, you can’t hide that you are upset and somehow disgusted by this anymore. Hyunjin stiffened, the thick silence even for him too much to bare, tilting his head to meet your eyes and maybe make you see how sorry he truly is for you to see him like this, again. However you simply turn away more from him. Somehow he understands your reaction but he is not so sure why you would take it so deeply. It is a normal thing for him. He needs to feed after all, just under these different circumstances.

He calls out to you but you ignore him, pressing your lips into a thin line to appear, somewhat not too affected. Your lack of reaction makes him feel small — thinking carefully about the right words, so as not to make you even more upset or scare you more away from him. If you’re taking this so seriously so shall he. He didn’t even think twice about such thing but he has to keep in mind that you’re still new to this. “You must understand that I have to feed.” He says, sighing at your frown that you are trying to make as little as possible. “It means nothing—“

You look up, puzzled little with yourself. One side is telling you that this is alright and nothing is wrong with it but your other side is telling you the complete opposite. He wishes to be with you but does something like this? Something so intimate? You feel your own skin tingling at the thought of his teeth piercing your own very skin. Jealousy strikes you in the back of your head, showing you exactly why you so despised this. You don’t know for sure, if you want to be the one to give him blood but you for sure don’t like anyone else doing it. Is it so normalized to bite someone into their most sensitive places and drink from them? He looks unsure of what to do next as you only look at his face with emotionless expression but like he said — your eyes always gave you away.

“If you want this to work…I want you to stop feeding — atleast like this.” Maybe you don’t mind him feeding from someone but just not there…that only should be for you only. “It maybe doesn’t mean anything to you but it does to me. I know, I shouldn’t be asking you this, how to feed but to me it feels…intimate.” And erotic, you wanted to say but even this simply word, was somehow hard enough to get out of your mouth under his watchful eyes. Hyunjin stays silent a little more and not like you, he seems to think over his words.

“Alright…” He answered you, before his face falls so quickly into a frown that you almost missed it, but it wasn’t from your disagreement with his diet. It was simply because of the way you sounded out the words. “–are you saying, you want me to feed off you only?”

You should’ve known better, of course he just asked you that as it wasn’t already so obvious from your confession. Your hand flies to your chest, pressing your palm slightly where your heart starts to beat a little faster, your eyes big and eyebrows furrowed. “I-I…don’t know.” It really is quite a unique question to be asked, but you do ignore the fact that you already know the answer.

He blinks at your weak tone, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You say that a lot, but I know, you do know, Y/N…” He said, waiting a little before continuing, maybe to see if you would say something more, but you only look at him through your pretty lashes. He sighs at your expression, before tilting his head down. “I will stop feeding in the sense of biting.” You meant that you don’t want him to bite someone in their neck, but you are pleasantly surprised by his answer, so you stay quiet. “Now, I’ll bring you something to eat, it will be waiting for you on the table outside of our room.” You shutter embarrassingly at that one specific word, coughing, to mask your shocked reaction. He didn’t make a move that indicated that he just heard your embarrassing noise of shock, but in his head he was smiling big. You thought that this conversation would still go on but you’re happy with how it ended. At least you’re not fully at each other’s throats. Huh, funny…

You are now the one with your lips left apart, words swirling in your head as he passed by you, his hand grazing so close to yours which was placed on the corner of the railing when he started to ascend down the stairs. Your nose is yet again, hit with his smell, wrapping around you like a duvet of the embrace you so needed. Watching him walk away from you, though didn’t feel like the other times and only after he disappeared from your line of sight, you walked back to yours and his bedroom.

────

It is been a long day, such a long day for you to just again drown in your thoughts. You didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day, simply spending your time on one of the couches, reading. The words however as the day slowly turned into night started to blur. From your exhaustion and also from the realization of the situation that will soon have to be dealt with. You look at the bed with a blank expression, because there couldn’t be a face for you to express with all the emotions you were experiencing.

As the sun set, you finally decided to open the heavy curtains, blocking, till now, your view of the outside. You could have opened them sooner, but you didn't want to risk him getting caught in the sunlight — however, he didn’t come. You looked out the window, till you saw the sun disappear and the moon appear. Every day that passed by was so slow to you, but by that time the nature had time to bloom into its beauty. Everything started to get greener, more vivid — was the earth always this colorful? The warm, orange light tickle your skin that you almost felt like one of those creatures as because you got so used to the darkness. But you did start to see its own beauty — Hyunjin came late that night as expected and sleep didn’t creep up on you, till he arrived. Perhaps you were concern, but you don’t want to say that…

You were already in bed, body tucked under the heavy duvet and eyes closed, but you could tell that he knew, you were awake. He just simply chose to not say anything, maybe not to disturb you in your peaceful state, but inside you were shaking. He went to the bathroom and at that you were again thinking about how you two will share the same bed…

You have never shared a bed with a man before, even like this — you haven’t even been to a man’s bedroom till now! Was it fright that made your heart beat so fast? You know, he wouldn’t do anything to you, but still….or maybe you were just nervous. And not in a bad way it seemed. Your fingers gripped onto the bed as the every passing second, he spend more in the bedroom, became even more unbearable for you.

You waited for him to come back. A long time at that and you didn’t have a single clue that his long stay in the bathroom, was simply because he was nervous too. He, spend his time simply looking at himself in the mirror, thinking about how to calm himself down. Who would have thought that he could even feel such an emotion? To him, the time that he spend inside the bathroom wasn’t long enough for him to find the right courage to come back into the room, but it was long enough for him to think back to the moment you two shared.

Drinking blood from someone, became for him a daily thing, a normal thing, like for you to drink and eat. Till you said that — was he always this blind? He never thought of drinking from someone this way, but he knew of course that for humans it was different. He did feel the pleasure, but for humans it was out of this world experience almost, but you didn’t know that…You only said that it seemed intimate and he is thankful that you don’t know the whole truth about how a vampire bite feels for a human…What were you doing to him? It is been a long time since he second guessed himself like that. He became more careful with his moves, since you arrived, but he can’t lie that he still is a little reckless sometimes and just does what his heart desires and acts on his instincts.

Time flew past quickly, yet so slowly, but you couldn’t fight the hazy state you are falling into any longer. Your eyes closed a long time ago, but now the deep frown on your face started to soften. You felt your body falling, melting almost into the sheets and your mind became so quiet and peaceful that you didn’t have the power to acknowledge the silent creek of the bathroom door.

His slow footsteps blend in with your heartbeat in your ear. The old floor creaking under his weight, was the only thing giving him away. You hear the last creak stop next to the bed, hair on the back of your neck standing up at that. You could feel his stare on the back of your head that peaked out of the soft duvet. Being so sleepy, you didn’t feel your heart pounding that much, but you do wait anxiously for his next move, eyes wide set on his silhouette dancing in the candle light on the wall.

You feel cold air of the room piercing your back as the duvet is slightly lifted off you. You realize at that you basically stole almost all of it and in some way, it made you embarrassed simply because it were his own sheets — and also your nose unconsciously kept digging into them, filling your lungs with his smell. You don’t feel much bad because you knew he didn’t need anything to cover himself with. You wanted to give him more of it, but you only found yourself completely frozen as your whole senses heightened when you feel a dip in the bed.

The bed was big, but soft enough to feel how his whole body fell into it. When the only source of light is then blown away, you became highly aware of the body laying behind you. Was he watching you? Probably, like he always did. Your heart jumped a little as he rolled his body over and you just knew that he was facing your back.

His blue eyes watched your body and other than the small rising of your body when taking a breath, you were completely unmoving. He played with the edge of the duvet, that didn’t even cover a little of him. Pulling up the duvet, was a request for you to at least give him some, but as you didn’t even move an inch, he chose to sacrifice a night without it.

Few moments passed by and again you became sleepy, snuggling into the bed and missing another subtle shift of the body behind you. You don’t even feel him, leaning his upper body over yours. You don’t even feel the cold breath on your cheeks nor the cold radiating so close behind you.

He leaned over you, left hand keeping his upper body from falling onto yours. His other twitched in the air, just hovering over the length of your waist. He for a second couldn’t help but stare at your blissful state. From your red cheeks bitten by the cold, smushing almost together from your face being so snuggled into the pillow to your eyelashes fanning over your cheekbones, to your ruffled hair, creating a halo around you, till again his eyes fell onto your lips. They were puckered slightly, flushed just as your cheeks. You looked absolutely ethereal. He must say, he has seen you sleep before, but not from this angle nor this close. It was like seeing you from a complete different perspective — view of a lover, he wished to say.

But then, your so called blissful state was interrupted when you felt it — when you felt the weight of his arm around you, tugging you into him. Your eyes shoot open, heart almost jumping out of your chest, but you don’t immediately move away. You savor the feeling of him hugging you, the feeling of his body flush against yours. But as the coldness of his skin started to seep through the layers of clothes, duvet and then piercing through the warmth into you, you move away from him.

He didn’t hold you tightly nor forcefully as you jump to the edge of the bed quite easily. “I am sorry, I can’t…” You croaked, quietly into the darkness.

His head hanged low, already hating himself more from doing that, making you uncomfortable and just doing something without your permission. His nails teared through the material of the sheets as his eyes fell onto your still not turned body. “I understand.” He whispered back. He really does, but he thought that maybe, you could at least let him touch you like this, just hold you. “I will sleep somewhere else.”

You only nod a little, eyes still looking into the darkness before you. As he got out of the bed, the coldness left with him and you realize that it truly was completely different from the one in the room. You listen closely to his footsteps, before you hear a muffled huff as he fell probably onto the couch. You feel bad for him to be the one to leave his own bed, but there probably wouldn’t be even a room for you to talk otherwise. You lay back down fully after a minute, his presence still known to you and at that sense of calmness washed over you.

His eyes reflected in the dark as he watched you again from afar. He saw how your breaths after a moment became even, body completely sinking into his bed. Closing his own eyes, the soft thuds of your heart, filled his ears. And that melody accompanied by the pictures of every moment today with you kept his mind occupied, till he felt his own need of sleep come over him. At least he has something to dream about now.

[comfortless]

sylly (like silly yk yk) what are your könig hcs? 🌹

SYLLY?! i…. Ok…. fair warning this is a little long… all that i do is think about this guy someone get him out of my head.

tread carefully reading this! there is a lot of sensitive content here: mental health stuff, abuse, mentions of sex and pornographic material, suicidal ideation, etc etc.

Generic, silly headcanons:

He prefers coffee (black) over tea, but he does have a bit of a sweet tooth (will never resist caramel if it’s presented to him). Honestly, he’s pretty self-reliant when it comes to food, too. On lazy days, he makes enough to where a takeout bill is hardly a concern, but for the most part he cooks! Not a chef by any means, but nothing he ever makes is bad!

Definitely wants a big, loving family, the polar opposite of what he had growing up as an only child in a far less than perfect household. Not a dealbreaker, but he does yearn for all of the love that he’s missed out on and then some.

Not big on video games, but… I do think he is absolutely spending every lonely leave playing Elder Scrolls. Would be so easy to convince to go larping or to a renfaire. I see everyone’s car/bike guy headcanons and I raise you… obsessed with fantasy König. He loves history and myth!! Why not combine the two and see him in chainmail.

The scent & kink posts. But to add… he’s an affectionate biter. (,: Knows the correct places to do so that won’t cause damage or hurt too terribly much. Likes to sniff you just as well! The embodiment of the “merge souls with me” post; in love, he just wants to feel you any way that he can and have some part of you lingering on him, even if it’s just a stray hair or your scent clinging to his shirt or pillowcase.

Cheating is never on this guy’s mind when he’s in a relationship. If he’s found a lady not running for the hills the second she catches sight of him, that’s his one and only. Sure, he may find himself attracted to someone else at some point or other during the duration of a relationship, but he’s devoted and disciplined! There’s never the fear of anyone coming in between he and his lover. He’ll spoil you with gifts, clingy to a point it’s overbearing, always giving you the utmost care… but is not opposed to bullying you into being a submissive, trembling mess either. He’s balanced!

Adores animals. Like any of them. There’s a special place in his heart for cats, but having a constant companion that he can take on hikes like a large dog would be ideal. Would definitely consider owning a tarantula or a snake, too. ^^ He isn’t scared of anything, let alone a creature that most are misinformed about… (he projects a little..). He would treat them just as well as anyone would treat a more “normal” pet. Understanding if you wouldn’t want to hold a giant arachnid (they’re delicate and you squirming over it would make him a bit protective over the poor thing. ): ), but it would mean a lot to him if you were more accepting.

König would not be a pretty sight (to most people) the majority of the time… I doubt that he takes care of himself past training his body and his allotted one-two minute military showers. His character description describes what is rumored to be under his mask as scary. Let him have his buzzcut, and scars, and teeth or old wounds a little too fucked up to fix! Unconventionally attractive is still attractive! (i think his ‘face reveal’ is actually so cute…)

Lots of sporadic little thoughts, but… Ambidextrous, can not ride a bike, whistles/hums to fill lapses of silence, flexes his fingers/cracks his knuckles when he’s nervous, definitely snores (loudly), brushes his teeth like 3-4 times a day (when he can) because he eats so much, not a picky eater at all, thinks it’s cute if you’re affectionately a little grossed out by him from time to time, absolutely the kind of person that thinks fuel and fire smell good, fluent in English and German but certainly knows many words and phrases from other languages.

Kind of clumsy. Overthinks the way his body looks to the point where sometimes his movements are a little stiff. Overestimates how tall a door frame may be if he’s distracted in the presence of others, hits his head and plays it off like he didn’t even notice. He’s (obviously) highly confident on the field, but in regular circumstances it’s totally reversed.

Though. Yeah. Sometimes this does translate onto the field. Can’t stay in one place for too long, once knocked an enemy soldier out by barreling into him. He’s a quick shot, skillful with any weapon that falls into his hands, but his focus can get a little skewed.

He collects some things. Nothing exactly pricy, but antique knives, coins, and a pocket watch or two. And he isn’t the most apt at putting things together in an appealing way… The first time you’re allowed into his house it looks like he’s robbed some vintage hunting shop/is planning something nefarious with the way he’s just got a few daggers strewn about his kitchen table. Just push them to the side, it’s fine! (His favorite is certainly one with a handle carved from a stag’s antler.)

Definitely takes a physical approach to bad feelings. @melancholic-thing mentioned to me that he bites himself when he’s feeling dejected or frustrated and yeah. (All of Ghost’s hcs for him are factually correct.) Not going to punch a hole through the wall but may aggressively slam a door or raise his voice before he can catch himself.

I have many thoughts about König’s childhood/early adulthood. Like, too many. But to summarize…

I think that everyone experiences bullying to an extent but what would make it so bad that it managed to make its way into the scraps that we do have of him? What made him so fundamentally unlikable to his peers? /: With my König I’ve settled on it being a blend of neurodivergency and a nightmare home life and alienation from his peers.

Height is predominantly viewed as a good trait. I don’t think it was necessarily his appearance at all that got him picked on so heavily (albeit… I do think that he would have had some scars, crooked teeth, regular facial bruising or cuts from scraps with other children/his father). Perhaps not the most conventionally attractive guy around, but normally viewed as a solid 5/10, just average. The kind of person who you wouldn’t remember from just a face alone.

His personality was always memorable though.

Whilst the other children/teenagers were interested in the regular trends, sports, whatever was shown on the television or heard on the radio at the time, I think he probably would have had a great interest in escapism!!

Comics, books, researching history and geography, etc, anything that could keep him from thinking of where he was/what other people viewed him as. He had a lot of strange things to say: odd facts (like the kind of person to tell you the longest word in the dictionary because he thinks it’s cool, “um actually—“ to correct something, monologuing about some bug you’ve just squashed and how it was not just a pest but very useful in nature, borderline concerning reactions to being shunned (feigned threats of violence that he would laugh off, things he’s probably heard from media and his own parents), over explaining himself for the simplest of misunderstandings, and… quoting his Oma’s very old-fashioned turns of phrase (think of little Kö regularly saying “Du gehst mir tierisch auf den Keks.” when he’s annoyed whereas the others say things far less dated like “Du gehst mir auf den Sack.”)

With him being difficult to relate to and having the most uncanny things slip out of his mouth, others probably did view him as a bit of a freak. He didn’t particularly stand up for himself often either apart from a few fights (and would never hit a girl). He would stay quiet, pretend to focus on his studies or whatever else was before him while the other children jeered and taunted. Regularly a target for fake confessions and offers to hang out outside of school, too.

König did have crushes, did have people he thought were cool and wanted to befriend, but after the third time of showing up someplace that he had to walk to on his own to find that no one had actually wanted to spend their time with him, he gave up.

I don’t think he had a good relationship with his parents or much of anyone. Seriously, leaving for the military at seventeen sets off a ton of alarm bells! He left the week of his Oma’s passing, because what else was there for him — no girlfriend, no prospects, hardly a relationship with his mother or father.

His father was your standard shit parent— womanizing, loud, physically abusive towards König. “Bonding” activities with him always had a heavy lean towards violence: hunting and arguing that usually resulted in fist fighting his own son seemed to be his favorites. A small man with an equally small ego— he probably would have boasted about his affairs to König, exposed him to pornography as a way of making sure his son wasn’t anything other than straight (which: never stopped his curiosity). He would never hold back from telling König that he would never in a million years find a girl willing to put up with his supposed stupidity and shortcomings. Generally just viewed his own son as utterly worthless if not for use as a punching bag.

In turn, König always loathed him, would dread hearing the bastard just walking around the house because he knew he would always find something to bicker with his wife or son over. Nothing that they ever did would be deemed correct, and his social anxiety initially developed from his dealings with him.

His mother was withdrawn, emotionally neglectful. König was just… there to her; another mouth to feed, another person begging for the attention she would have rather spared on herself.

She wasn’t a bad mother and she did try, but the product of dealing with his father’s nonsense + letting her own mental illness go unchecked (as in, his father controlled the family financially and why would he let her blow through their funds to see a therapist and “lose her lucidity with pills and ridiculous talks”). There were some days when she would be feeling more like herself and take König along with her for walks through the park where she would try to ask him about his life, about school, and… he would end up spilling his guts to her only for her to return to silence. Still, those were his favorite days. His fondest memory was picking a flower for her on one of those walks, one that she kept pressed and later framed.

There were never family dinners, no movie nights, no day trips or vacations. The most blissful of days were spent in the comfort of his room where he could keep the door locked and muffle the sounds of his parents arguing with loud music.

So, König did not have much of a safe space within his own home, but he had his Oma and her cluttered little house. She had books and plenty of food, even a cat, too. Though she was like his mother, stern and withdrawn, she would at least sit with him and tell him stories of her own life. She would at least tell him “Ich lieb dich, Käferchen!” in her quiet voice, stroke his head where he would sit with his nose buried in a book beside her. She would show him her dusty antiques, her old photographs, and in turn taught him to be a proper man by making him tend to what needed to be done around her house. And the garden. He loved his Oma’s garden, full of orchids, petunias, and tomatoes she would mash up to make him goulash or tomatensalat!

With Austria’s leading religion being Catholicism, I do think his Oma would have dragged him with her to service plenty, too. Not that he ever particularly enjoyed it… just zoned out with a plastic soldier in his pocket to fidget with or some trading card he spent the money he earned doing chores for her on. He’s never considered himself religious, thought himself to be bound for Hell no matter what, even if most of the time he felt that he was already there.

You take a puppy that’s been beaten down his entire life, but still remains eager and throw him in a barrack with people more horrible than any bully he’s ever had, though…? He starts taking his father’s advice more and more then. He wouldn’t harm anyone that he didn’t view as deserving of it, but it didn’t need to go that far that often, anyway. König is aware of the space he takes up by then, aware that all of his training has made him more broad and sturdy, and those playground fights are nothing compared to what he’s capable of now.

He gets his callsign from a quip about him owning nothing. His barrack is empty, devoid of pictures or any sentimental belongings. He rarely checks his phone, there might be the occasional missed call from a spam number, what is there to even see? He has no social media presence, every leave is spent in a shitty apartment only a days travel from his hometown, and he is utterly silent when the other soldiers invite him out for drinks. So yes, he’s a king. The king of absolutely nothing.

One of these rowdy boys does eventually coax him into talking to a woman. He loses his virginity in a disgusting bar bathroom, where he asks her after the two minutes he’s spent inside of her if it means anything to her at all. She laughs, washes herself in the sink and calms him down, but doesn’t give him her number or anything more than her first name.

He’s starved for love, utterly miserable without it, but doesn’t have much of a desire to seek it out, either. He’s seen how people are, how they treat him. But time and time again he will grapple onto any thread that may lead him to a pinhole of hope when it’s offered to him. For the most part, he has his hand and a perpetually almost-empty bottle of lotion.

And it’s not much of a surprise that König has contemplated suicide more times than he can count. It has never culminated in any way, only fearing that he would disappoint his men, even further disappoint his parents, maybe even a small part of him still believes in a Hell; that maybe with enough vigilantism on his part he’ll earn his way to a pleasant afterlife, one he teeters on the separation of believing in and not.

He doesn’t think about his mental health, always haunted by his father’s words, thinking that assuredly it would make him weak if he were to seek help for something like his own thoughts. So he overexerts himself during workouts, bottles everything other than rage and love inside: no one is going to see him cry, not ever again after being laughed at for him hundreds of times during school where he sat being called an “ugly giant” a “daydreaming freak” and an “idiot” near daily where silent tears did escape, only spurring further laughter.

Though I do not write him with these things in mind for every au, there are always subtle hints scattered about. ^^ I could probably prattle on forever about him, but I will leave you with this for now…

[mushies-stories]

Not leaving this one behind

Slasher!Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley X F!Reader

summary: Simon moved to America after retiring and had taken up serial killing and stuff and you caught his eye. Simons been realizing some things about himself and he's sure your just what he needs.

warning: murder, gore, smut, pnv, kidnapping, more to be added as i go

Author's notes: so I've not been writing for like ever, but this i just couldn't stop writing. here a little snippet of the set up and what's to come. chapter one is written and ill be revising it tomorrow then it will be posted!

Also happy Halloween for those who care! This is my contribution this season 💜

Full chapter one

prologue

Simon felt a little incomplete. Like his hunt wasn't finished, or it just hadn’t satisfied him enough. Lately he’s been feeling lonely, like killing isn't enough anymore and he's coming to realize that that loneliness is the reason he’s been leaving survivors every once in a while. 

He seems to be developing a ‘type’ some would say as well. When he encounters them he likes the thought of them staying alive to remember him, like he will remember them. Their adorable faces when they cried to him and begged for their lives. Hearing their sweet shaky little voices while their bodies shook in his hold. Seeing how devastated they are when he leaves them alive surrounded by the horrors of their dead friends. 

This last group was just a bunch of highschool football players drunk and being idiots. Not very inspiring. 

The universe must be twisted however.

Here Simon is, on his long drive home from a weekend of hunting and killing only to come across another group at a small dingy rest step. Your group pulled in a few minutes after him while he was filling his tank up and caught his attention the moment he saw a couple dumb guys hopped out of the Rv and two giggling girls followed behind. 

Overall the group looked like your usual unimpressive lot. At least that's what he was about to conclude with, until one of the other girls turned back and called out for someone. 

“Y/N? What are you waiting for, don't you want some snacks?” She asks. 

“Yeah! Sorry, I just wanted to finish this chapter, I'm coming!” Simon's interest then peaked once his eyes were on you. Your knee length skirt swayed around you and you looked cozy in your oversized cardigan. You glanced around a little and in doing so you caught Simon's gaze. He didn't flinch or look away, instead he gave you a short nod. You returned the gesture with a small sweet smile and a little nod of your own before heading after your friends.

He figured you'd wouldn't be as welcoming at the sight of as you were. He had a good amount of height against you and body mass. Half his face being covered by a mask is what really always gets people though. Big and scary described him perfectly.

This was not a group you seemed to fit into based on looks alone he noticed. You just seemed too sweet and nice to hang around a group like this. Or maybe they just looked worse then they all were, maybe Simons had been hunting these kinds of people for so long he was stereotyping them as such a group. 

Either way it doesn't matter, it was because of you the outcome had been decided. The moment Simon's eyes landed on you and saw that sweet little smile of yours he knew. He will follow you to whatever cabin or campsite or whatever and make sure to give you a night you’ll never forget.

With his mind made up he quickly checked his duffle bag for a tracker, if you weren’t staying in a cabin and got off grid it would be able to track you no matter what. The way the RV was parked it wasn’t hard to just place it under the front bumper without being noticed, then he was hopping back in his truck. Simon waits for just one more glance of you as you exit the rest stop, snacks and drinks in your arms and a bright adorable smile on your face.

He followed a few miles behind the whole drive and parked his truck five miles out. You ended up going pretty far off the normal map to an almost completely secluded area of the woods. Thing was it was also fall in the northern america and it's not always that populated this time of year so you happen to be the only people camping out this far currently. 

Simon couldn't believe how perfect these conditions seemed to have ended up for him. These things after all are always done best in the dead of night, and in these woods? Simon couldn't think of a better hunting ground. Now all he had to do was wait.

~thanks for reading~

[jello-library]

I wanted to make my reblog post from an headcanon by @an0n-vibes into a separate post from others to see.

Inspired by their ask right here!

ALSO! Please go check them out they are a lovely writer on our platform who deserves endless love and support. ❤️

Also if you have anymore stuff to add to this ramble I suppose?? If you make a post bout it pls tag me 😭 I would love to read more about this!!

Like, imagine the Reader doesn’t even KNOW Bill was the one who destroyed their home world. They get excited to see someone else of their kind alive from the incident and want to become friends with him because they feel lonely thinking they are the last one alive.

Just imagine them being nice and comforting to him. Even if he is a little inconsiderate and a little deranged. They still like him without the strings attached or any big ulterior motives behind their actions.

Granted they're a bit gullible since they are desperate not to be alone again. They have friends and they do care for them but Bill has this familiar aura to him.

Bill is to them memories that are now blurred colors and murky voices.

Bill is to them a sense of belonging, a sense of home, a feeling of dread, waves of sadness of people they can't remember.

Bill is a bit scary to them.

But…

They can't let this go! Do you know how to feel in this vast universe and still feel like an outcast?

Dimension after dimension!

Realm after realm!

Do you know how it feels to be void of your fear and regrets to somehow survive something like that?

To live to tell the tale that others couldn't. To see places and experience things that were so beyond their little flat world.

To finally see the stars…

But to push these rushing feelings down they grab Bill’s hand and now they feel safe.

He lets them do oddly enough the tiny comforting squeeze to signal him to keep talking about whatever.

They will continue to listen and Bill will continue to speak. Maybe their feeling of belonging is shared, right?

Does Bill feel comforted by their presence too?

Maybe?

Does he feel safe with them?

Maybe?

Well, time will tell and they will stay.

Aw…sweetie only if they knew the full truth…

[ryuichirou]

Replies

I’ll start with some news.

I am currently locked out of my twitter account. We did everything we could to try to get it back, but no matter what happens, it will most likely take some time.

I don’t like bringing attention to this kind of stuff because we have tons of other things to talk about which are more important than some toddlers trying to obliterate us for 1000th time (frankly I would rather talk about the colour of Leona’s butthole), but this time it’s kind of serious and important. We don’t know what’s going to happen next, but for now I wanted to say that if we won’t get the account back in time or will lose it indefinitely, we will have to ask for your help. I am sorry for that in advance.

Also, if you were discussing/working on commissions with me via DMs there, please email me or contact me via any other platform as soon as possible. Just in case.

Mass-reporting is wild, eh?

I am rambling a bit, and I didn’t really want to complain, because I know for a fact it would give satisfaction to some people, but you know? I am going to complain: it sucks ass. It happened at the worst time possible and it happened over nothing (literally, the art that got it was a Todd/Wallace non-sexual piece that got too many likes for children’s liking). I don’t care if people don’t like us, I don’t care if they gossip with their girlies about us, all I want is for them to leave us the fuck alone and let us do our thing in peace. Imagine being so unbelievably boring and so incredibly unlikeable and unable to make meaningful connections not only with other people but also with any kind of media that you just have to go out of your way to ruin things for others because this is the only thing that makes your immature brain produce something that even remotely resembles joy. Because your own pathetic self is so deeply insecure and constantly frustrated at yourself that you just have to create an illusion of control over someone else to feel important. I can’t even call it a troll behavior – at least trolls are funny sometimes. This is just someone who hit a midlife crisis at the age of 16 and made it my problem for some reason.  

And yet, it’s okay. Even if we end up losing our account, it’ll be a huge disappointment and it will hurt us tremendously, it already did. And it’s scary to think about this scenario, and it’s difficult to talk about how, if it happens, that it’s going to be okay. But eventually we’ll get over it and build ourselves up again, just like we did before several times. And these clowns will still be boring, unlikeable, lonely and very likely shit at drawing.

So yeah. Take care of yourself and block everyone who seems suspicious on sight. It’s not a panacea, but certainly is helpful.

Alright, time to talk about Leona’s butthole (not really, but we will talk about SebeMal, and it’s even better) 💪

Anonymous asked:

Seeing Vanitas made me curious about something: did you ever read Pandora Hearts? I think for a lot of people that series went hand in hand with Black Butler as the main "victorian aesthetic mangas" from the late '00/early '10. Gothic lolitas really had it all back then..

Ohh you’re so right Anon, it was the ultimate late ‘00/early ’10 aesthetic! Boys in vests with bows/ties, crosses and rosaries and traumatic and problematic backstories lol I really miss it sometimes. What an era.

I personally haven’t read/watched Pandora Hearts, but Katsu did! But it was even before we met… So my only association with this title is that Katsu’s old username was “ozbezariusnya” 🥰 Oh, and that Gilbert (?) looks very cute, but let’s be honest, of course I would think he is cute.

nebula-ryuu asked:

Regarding my question, I mean if the Malleus and Sebek ship has a dynamic or a context 😅😅 a background or a story. I have a certain feeling about what it is like but I don't want to affirm anything hehe

I don't know if I made what I said better understood, in any case I can explain it again, no problem 🙏

Oh! Thank you for clarifying!

As for our background for shipping them, we just really really love loyal characters that are a bit unhinged about their loyalty and love/obsession. So we didn’t even have a choice, they stole our hearts… and Malleus is very interesting in his interactions with Sebek too; he is annoyed by him sometimes, but he tolerates a lot and teases him.

As for the ship itself, we tend to think that in addition to Sebek being loyal and obsessive with Malleus, he is also deeply in love with him ever since he was a child. He is conflicted because he really wants to be his lover, but also thinks that he isn’t worthy. Malleus is amused by Sebek and allows him to do much more than he probably should. Actually, I think I talked about their dynamic in this post!

I hope I understood you correctly. Thank you for your question! And if you have any more questions, please let me know.

Anonymous asked:

would Lilia and Azul ever fight over who gets to have Idia?

Replied here! Thank you for your question, Anon.

[that-one-girls-blog-posts]

you're confused about your emotions ? me too babe, here's a quick reading

I chose random images from my pinterest to read into your energy so you can choose randomly aswell, whatever speaks to you♡ also Idk what's with the 2016 songs today but I kept hearing random ones throughout this reading maybe there's some resonance for you

Pile 1

The Moon🌜

first off I'm hearing that song "we don't talk anymore" by Charlie Puth. So maybe you're dealing with some kind of loss right now, maybe a breakup, a fight with a loved one, a new chapter meaning you have to leave someone behind a little... if this is the case, or similar, allow yourself to be "thrown off" a little, those kinds of situations take adjusting and remember that nothing has to be forever. where I come frome we say : "thunderstorms clear the air" meaning that after a fight there's great potential for healthy communications and solving problems once and for all, for a peaceful and harmonic environment♡ A reading about your emotional state and I pull the moon, how well fitting. The answer truly lays on the inside with this one. no one can tell you how you truly feel exept for yourself! (and maybe your therapist) I think for most of you there's a new season starting and you're realising that it can't be all returning characters. Take some time to heal your relationship with relationships and analyze what and who is truly of good value to your life. you got this!

Pile 2

four of swords🗡 and page of pentacles🪙

for you I'm hearing that song "cold water" with Justin Bieber. And you actually need to take a jump into cold water. There's something you've been manifesting and now that it's slowly getting closer you're resisting the change. Maybe by refusing to let go ? It's like little kids now around Christmas, you can actually watch this happen with slight alterations, all the time. Their parents take them to the toystore so they can see what they like, and they child ofcourse find something but their parents tell them okay now time to go home and wait and see if Santa will bring it. But the kid clings to the shelves and doesn't wanna leave behind the thing they so desperately wanted. Little does it now that their parents just need to get them out of sight so "Santa" can buy the gift and deliver it WHEN IT IS TIME. let go of obsessing, overthinking and trying to "go the right path" and just let the story unfold, take it step by step even if its a little scary and you'll find yourself where you're supposed to be, you're so close already♡

Pile 3

seven of swords🗡

It's too heavy darling you can't carry all of that. You might think you do and you think you're so strong and abundant and successful for "having" all of that but then you wouldn't be feeling like this, would you? A burden, too much responsibility, too many goals or to do's for a person who only has 24hours in a day. I know the card typically speaks about actual betrayal but in this case it feels a little paranoid, like you're desperately trying to do it all on your own because your scared of beeing betrayed or someone messing with your vision or even catching evil eye. For you I'm hearing "Lady Marmalade" yk from Moulin Rounge !? I'm not sure how that fits in here and I never watched the movie but oh well, maybe you know what to do with this information. There could be something about sisterhood and sharing a problem (could be workload or talking about problems...). You might have that lonely wolf mindset, but no matter how strong you are, out there, beeing alone can get you killed. I keep seeing pictures of spiritual communities and churches, you might wanna be looking for something like a mediation or yoga class, bible study group, a coven.... depending on your beliefsystem! you're right not everyone is your friend but also not everyone is your enemy!

ps. reading back this comes off a little weird and I feel like I need to say this. please don't join a cult lol. If you are in some kind of group and things feel off, please take care of yourself♡

hope that helped <3

[sleepysnk]

a/n: i really wanted to write something for hanma because i missed him a lot </3 so i hope you guys enjoy this!! i felt like something fluffy would work with him this time, so <3.

pairings: hanma shuji x fem!reader

warnings: some brief angst, fluff leading to smut, mentions of violence (not towards reader), established relationship, mentions of food, brief jealousy mentions, nsfw, vanilla sex, use of pet names (baby, babydoll, doll), light choking if you squint, breeding kink, creampie, after care, fluffy hanma.

synopsis: you and hanma had been together for two years. he never thought in a million years that you would both last this long, so he wanted to do something special for you on your special day. you deserved the world, and he was going to be the one to give you it. he had many ideas in mind, but the main one was showing you how much he loved you.

his always and forever ft. hanma shuji

Hanma Shuji was truly blessed to have someone like you in his life. Let alone having you as his girlfriend.

Today was your two year anniversary. It was a date that was imprinted on his brain from the moment you said yes to being his. He was so thrilled to have such a great woman in his life. You were like an angel sent from heaven itself to bless him with your love. You made him such a happier man, and your presence as a whole came at such a difficult moment in his life. In a way, he could say that you saved him from doing the worst to himself or even others.

Hanma had done plenty of bad things in his life. He had fought men who had a debt to the gang he was in, he often drank until his vision was completely blurred, and he even severed ties with family that tried their best to do good for him. He was truly lost before you came. He spent his days wandering his large apartment without a single person to occupy it with him. It was lonely and he despised that feeling more than he would like to admit. He desired someone to share his place with and have someone to come home to every night. Sure, he had hooked up with plenty of women beforehand. Some of them were great and even potential candidates for that lifestyle, but the others were only into him for a cash grab and that was it. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be with a woman who only saw him as a piggy bank for whatever shopping spree they wanted to go on. Hanma wanted peace and one person he could rely on, but at the time, he knew that wouldn’t happen. He was a thug, a criminal, no one would want a man like him.

But then, everything changed the day he came across you.

Hanma had a very long day. He was exhausted with all he had to do, so he decided to make a stop at a cafe he had visited many times before. It was sort of busy for a late afternoon day, but that never really provoked the man that much. He paid for his coffee and waited patiently behind a few people. He became distracted by his cell phone because Kisaki had been in his messages for some reason asking about a recent incident that took place. Hanma was about to respond, but when piping hot coffee began to scald his chest that message was discarded.

He looked up, feeling furious about what had just gone down. However, those feelings had disappeared when he made eye contact with you. You were standing there with a very apologetic facial expression. The coffee you once held in your right hand was now splattered onto the floor, and some of it had gotten into Hanma’s plain white shirt. Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment and you wanted to melt into the floor with how shitty you felt. He was a complete stranger, an intimidating one at that. He was taller than you by a few inches, and he honestly had a scary look in his eye that would send any man or woman running for their lives.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there! Oh, god.. let me help clean you up..”

Hanma was stunned at your beauty. He wasn’t even angry about his suit anymore. All his brain was fixated on was you and how your fingertips felt rubbing the thin napkins against his chest and his abdomen. You looked like you were about to burst into tears from how afraid you looked. He began to feel guilty for shooting you such a glare, because you genuinely seemed very sorry for such actions. 

“No worries.. thank you for your help, doll.”

When the pet name slipped from his lips you froze on the spot. Someone as attractive as him was calling you that? It felt almost hard to believe at the time, but you were instantly relieved to hear that he wasn’t angry with you over the accident you created. Hanma honestly began to feel bad for you, though. Your coffee was spilled all over the tiled floor, and many people were still staring at the two of you with these wide eyes that bored into both of your heads. He often hated attention like that. Some people just didn’t know how to mind their own business nowadays. It was a small mistake. It wasn’t like you had a breakdown in the middle of the cafe and threw your coffee at him.

“Let me buy you a new coffee..”

“What? N-No! That was my fault-“

“Doll, it’s fine. I have nowhere else to be and all I need is your order.”

To be honest, you hesitated at such a gesture from the mysterious man. Neither of you knew each other, but he was being so kind to you yet you almost burned his skin with the beverage you swore you were holding onto with all your strength. However, you agreed and gave him your coffee order. He simply went to the barista and paid for it, but you were a bit confused why he was taking so long to come back. You wondered about his motives, but when he grabbed his own coffee and waved as he passed you, you felt disappointed. You thought that maybe you would spark a conversation with him, but alas, that didn’t seem very likely.

Once your coffee was done, you walked past several customers and grabbed it off of the counter. Though, the cup wasn’t blank, and there was something written on the side of it.

“Call me sometime <3 let me buy you an actual drink- Hanma Shuji.”

That’s how your romance had blossomed to what it was today. Hanma wasn’t expecting you to call him that night after the whole incident at the cafe, but he was relieved to hear your voice. The two of you chatted all night about anything that came about in the conversation. Although you didn’t reach very personal levels, Hanma was very interested in knowing things about you. He asked about what you did for a living, if you had any siblings, what kind of food you liked, etc. Talking to you made him so happy and he was so excited to hear that you wanted to go on a date with him at some point. Hearing those words made sunlight shine into his heart, clearing the storm clouds that had surrounded it for such a long time. He knew moving at such a pace could result in some negative reactions, but you seemed different. He was well aware that it sounded cliché of him to say such a thing, but it was how he felt about you. He couldn’t deny that one bit.

Weeks turned to months and eventually two years later you were both still together.

You had zero regrets about saying yes to Hanma all those years ago. He treated you like a princess and spoiled you rotten with whatever you wanted. He was a bit reluctant to let you in at first, considering he had been abandoned many times before by different women, but you assured him that you were sticking around for the long run no matter what. You got to see the real Hanma Shuji, and it was honestly beautiful. He may have had some flaws, but you did too. You were both able to work through those things and be patient with one another. There may have been a few rough days and some fights, but even through that you both fell in love with each other. 

You were able to change Hanma for the better. He was so happy to have found you, and being by your side benefited him in so many ways. He couldn’t ever imagine himself being with another woman besides you. He was fully convinced that he had found his soulmate.

He couldn’t believe that two years had passed. He had so many things planned for the two of you that day, and he couldn’t wait to get started with you by his side. 

The morning began with Hanma making you some delicious breakfast in bed. He was not the greatest cook, but living on his own for almost ten years taught him a lot about cooking and having to rely on home meals rather than ordering take out from the nearest restaurant. He made you some eggs and some really fluffy pancakes with your favorite fruit on top. It was adorable and waking up to the aroma of food made you so happy. The breakfast was delicious and Hanma’s heart warmed when he saw your pretty smile flash when you began to eat your pancakes. He knew they were a favorite of yours. Sometimes you’d only eat his, nobody else���s. It made him feel proud as your boyfriend that he was able to make you happy with his food. 

“Happy Anniversary, babydoll. I love you..”

In the afternoon, he took you out for lunch. He even took you out shopping afterwards to splurge on whatever you wanted. It was adorable to see you walking around the many stores with different items in your hands. You often told Hanma that you didn’t need his money to make you happy, but he insisted that you use it. He made more than enough for all the bills to be paid, so it was no problem at all if he wanted to spoil you for a bit. Despite that, you rarely ever spent more than you needed. You did live a rather comfortable lifestyle, but there was that side of you that wanted to consider Hanma’s feelings as well. 

Once you both arrived home, Hanma was excited to make dinner for you both. There was a toss up between going out and eating at another restaurant somewhere downtown, but you told him you were fine with whatever he wanted to do. He took it upon himself to learn a new recipe for you. He worried he would totally light the kitchen on fire if he wasn’t careful with what he was doing, but it had all gone completely smoothly and he was proud of himself. You were also quite surprised to see that he had been successful in making your supper. Hanma hadn’t always been a fan of working in the kitchen, so seeing him do such a great job made you so happy. The food also smelled divine. Your mouth was watering the second you sat down at the table to eat it. Hanma was a bit worried that you may not like it or you would have a negative reaction to his cooking, but much to his surprise, your face lit up with happiness when the flavors reached your tongue. It was so great. Pride swelled inside his chest when you started smiling at him and looking at him with love in your eyes.

“This is so good, baby! You really outdid yourself with this!”

God, it was like he was falling in love with you all over again.

The feelings Hanma had for you were so overwhelming he could almost break down and cry from how intense it was. He never imagined he would be cooking a meal for a woman he had been dating for two years. He didn’t think the day would ever come that you would move in with him and sleep beside him in the same bed every single night. He felt so lucky to have found someone as great as you even though he had been surrounded with darkness for so long. You helped him escape and surrounded him with such light that the abyss he was once in seemed to be a forgotten memory. 

After dinner was finished, you both retired to your bedroom where Hanma found himself wanting to give you one more anniversary present. 

Himself.

Hanma was hovering above your naked body. His cock was splitting your cunt apart with every rut of his hips. You two had been at it for quite a bit. He had kept up with quite a slow and tender pace. Hanma told himself he wasn’t going to rush such an intimate moment with you on a day like that. He had plenty of time with you to make it nasty and rough, but right now, all he was focusing on was you. Your pretty voice called for him and made his cock twitch. He had sex with you many times prior to this moment, but you never failed to amaze him with your angelic beauty. Your delicate skin, gorgeous face, there was so much to love about you. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off of your form that was taking him so well. He could make love to you like that all day if he really wanted to. There was nothing to get bored of.

Your nails clawed into the skin of his shoulders. Marks covered his flesh, but he didn’t bat a single eye at that. You were in utter bliss underneath your boyfriend. He never failed to make you feel good. Hanma knew your body better than anybody else and he made you feel so much ecstasy. “Ah..! Hanma! So good..” you made eye contact with the man above you. Your eyes were somewhat blurry from the pleasure that he allowed to ripple through your body.

Hanma was sweating. A few strands of his dual colored hair clung to his forehead from the moisture that had collected itself on his skin. He loved whenever his name slipped off your tongue like he was a prayer. Hanma couldn’t hide the smirk that appeared on his features when he heard your whines for him. You were so beautiful and good for him. You deserved all the pleasure that was coming to you tonight. “Yeah, keep sayin’ my name, baby. Fuck.. I love you so much..” he placed his hand around the base of your throat, holding you in place so he could stare at your pretty face while he thrusted up into you. 

You let your jaw fall slack as the euphoria you felt increased with every movement. He reached spots inside of your pussy that made you see stars within your vision. Hanma couldn’t believe that a whole stupid coffee incident allowed him to meet someone like you. He always imagined that he would reach the end of his life alone without a single person to share himself with, but having you completely changed that outlook for him. Your presence alone lit up his life and allowed him to see things through a different perspective. You truly blessed him more than you realized, and he couldn’t believe that you didn’t leave him in those two years you’ve been together. Hanma sometimes thought he didn’t deserve you. He imagined at some point you would find someone better than him and you’d leave him, but you didn’t and he was so happy that you gave him a chance.

Sure, you had your ugly days, but even through that you both worked on those issues and continued loving one another without having a second thought about it.

Hanma’s free hand went to intertwine with your own. He leaned down to press his forehead against you and allowed eye contact to be connected between you both. His honey eyes were blown with lust and staring at you with such admiration you could melt from just one glance from him. You smiled when your eyes flickered around his handsome face. There was no one cuter than Hanma Shuji. He was perfect in every little aspect. 

He then kissed you, which took you by surprise. It was soft and gentle. His lips felt like you were kissing two soft pillows that you couldn’t pull away from. He was such a good kisser. It was one of the many things you loved about Hanma. His kisses could sweep you right off of your feet and you would grow weak in the knees whenever his lips brushed against yours. It was slow, but his tongue would occasionally brush against your bottom lip to try and gain access to your mouth. You obliged and allowed him in, deepening the kiss between you both. The pleasure was just too good. 

You gasped when he finally reached your g-spot, sending bolts of electricity along your belly. Hanma smirked in the kiss when that pretty noise escaped your lips. He had no problem discovering that delicious spot inside of you. He squeezed your throat slightly, but not hard enough to restrict your breathing. “Heh.. look at you, babydoll. You’re takin’ my cock so well..” he whispered, sending shivers down your spine from how hot his voice sounded in your ears. “Wanna cum, baby? You’re really fucking tight right now..”

Your orgasm was creeping upon you faster than you had expected, but nonetheless you craved it more than anything else. Your hands gripped Hanma’s shoulders tightly, fearing he might disappear from his spot between your legs. With every thrust, the pit in your belly grew larger and you became even more needy than before. “Y-Yes! Hanma, please..! ‘Need you!” you whined, sharply. 

Hanma fucking loved hearing how desperate you were for that release inside your gut. He then began to fuck you just a bit faster this time. It was nothing too aggressive or quick for your liking, but it was just enough to really wind you up. The noises slipping from your throat made him smirk and watch you with seduction. He loved you so much when you were like this. He realized that you were a goddess and nobody else would ever compare to you in any department. It didn’t matter if you left him at some point. Hanma Shuji would always be devoted to you at the end of the day. He was so deeply in love with you that it almost hurt him to not be by your side. 

You’d be the one he would come home to, always and forever.

Your eyes rolled behind your skull as your orgasm grew closer. You couldn’t help but arch upwards whenever he kissed at your g-spot with the tip of his cock. The moans that came from your mouth were neverendless and Hanma was living for how pretty you sounded under him. He grunted when he felt your walls tightening around him. He was close himself, but all he desired was seeing you reach your high. After several thrusts, your cunt clamped around his cock. Hanma couldn’t help but hiss at the sensation of your pussy squeezing the life out of his cock. Your moans were much higher as he fucked you through your orgasm. He loved hearing your voice like that. He could play it like his favorite song and never get tired of you. “Fuckkk, yeah.. where do you want my – shit! – my cum, babydoll? Talk to me.. fuck..” he nodded his head, gritting his teeth as the last curse slipped through his mouth. 

“I-Inside! Hanma, inside!” you then locked your ankles around his waist, keeping him nice and snug inside of your dripping cunt.

He couldn’t help but grin at that statement. He wasn’t against it whatsoever, but he was very excited to hear that. He then looked down at you and began to pick up his pace a little. His high was so fucking close he could practically taste the sensation. “Shit.. ‘gonna fill you good, baby. Give you a baby, yeah..? Pregnant with my baby..” he let his head fall backwards as the euphoria took over him.

Within seconds, Hanma reached his climax. Thick white ropes of his cum filled your pussy and reached your womb. Goosebumps littered your skin from the feeling of his cum filling you to the brim. He let out a groan at the affects of his high. It hit him pretty hard, which caused him to tremble a bit. 

After a few minutes, Hanma lied down beside you and pulled you towards him. Both of you were sweating and panting fairly heavily, but that soon calmed when the activities between you two had come to an end. Your ear pressed against his chest to hear his heart beating. It was quite rapid, but once he had you within his arms his beats began to slow down and calm themselves. There was nothing better than holding you after having sex with you. Your skin was so warm underneath his fingertips that you could melt. He didn’t care if you were both dripping with sweat and the smell of sex was lingering around the room. All that mattered was that you were here with him and you were safe in his arms.

He planted a kiss on the top of your head and rested his chin atop it. He couldn’t help but smile at the results of today. It was quite successful and you two had an amazing anniversary with one another. “I love you, doll..” he whispered, squeezing the flesh of your hips softly. “I love you so much.. don’t forget that.”

You grinned, letting your eyes fall shut. “I love you more, Hanma.”

[soraviie]

after an argument.txt

━ type: bts x gn! reader ━ navigation

━ about: slight angst but mostly fluff, maybe even crackish at times

━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: The streets are lonely this time of night. Not empty but lonely still. Lonelier even.

It's easy to leave. And that's what's scary. Not the words he said, not the anger but that you thought this was the love of your life. And it was easy to leave. Well...not easy per se but you could. You could if you have to.

Which meant that there is a possibility Namjoon could feel the same.

And then...then is this really the love of both your lives?

Is...love even a thing?

When you were alone you wished for a perfect dream, when you had your perfect dream you wished to be alone. What sense did it make?

You breathed a weary sigh, coming to sit on a lone bench in the middle of nowhere, light streaming, cold and pale, upon your head, hung low and facing the pavement.

Did you...did you perhaps just love the idea of love?

Or maybe, he did. He - the chaser of normalcy due to his own abnormality. He - the enjoyer of small things because all he got was grand. You sank deeper into the bench, gazing into the lantern like the light of God or whoever knew the greater meaning of the universe. Should there even be any.

What were you to him? A love of his life, as he said? But those are just...words. You said words. And some of it was lies. Did this mean other people did not lie as well?

"Do they even know about me?"

The sound of the rushing cars is almost overpowering. The wind. The silence between two people.

"No," deftly, you mutter after enough time has passed. "No, they do not."

"You're hiding me away?" he cries out. "Like some dirty secret?"

You raise your head and cooly meet his gaze.

"And what are you doing?"

Namjoon's fist closes around the rose stems and they prick his skin.

"It's different," he hisses.

"Of course, it is," you nod and he can't understand that feeling in your eyes. It's bitter all the same. "You get to hide me behind safety and documents and if we ever split up you get to breeze forth - neutral, untarnished. I get to be the fool, the ditzy dreamer thinking I can be loved by someone..." you toss him a pointed glare. "Of far greater stature."

"This is not what this is about!"

So what was this all about? What did all those fights mean? You hid him, he hid you and no one was happy. Looking at it logically the situation was nothing but a self-fulfilling fallacy. But maybe that was love - being illogical in the face of clear reasoning. How many had ignored signs due to love? How many deluded themselves into a living illogical daydream?

But then how many dared? How many had bore the strength to overcome obstacles and prejudice? How many had made the world a better place only because they loved one person?

This time you grunted, partially even screaming aloud, hoping all that frustration would find a place somewhere but as someone's weight settled upon the bench, you flushed, uncovering quick embarrassment in acting like this in public. You peek at the figure and stumble upon tired shoulders, head much like yours hung low and heavy and hands clasped around each other with all the worlds ponder. The figure of your partner.

"Wanted to know you're safe," he mumbles underneath his nose just barely enough above a whisper.

You don't know what to say so you say nothing. And so does he. But when his hand cautiously reaches to tap yours, you end up holding it anyway.

YOONGI: This is what you wanted. This is your doing. No one else's.

Of course, he left. He left because he has to.

You can't leave if he leaves you first.

But does that truly make it better?

He twirls the wires between his fingers trying to ground himself but as expectedly it fails. A soft knock raps at the doors of his studio and he whips round, nearly yanking the equipment off the desk.

Surely...

Namjoon pokes his head through.

...not.

"Have you been crying?"

"No."

"Yoongi..."

He turns to face the monitor.

"Why would I cry?" with some rekindled sense of spite, he sneers, hearing Namjoon sigh behind him.

"Just wanted to check in on you since you're usually over at ____________'s place this time around."

At first, he opens his mouth to toss a derisive comment, vomit up all the bitterness that he kept in the lining of his stomach, to be regurgitated as a defence but then he closes it and sags against the desk.

"Yeah, I'd like to be there now as well," he mutters.

This is perhaps what he wanted, have a partner who'd keep him at arm's length to absolve him of any kind of blame for doing it first but it doesn't matter who does what first, what matters is that it's done and Yoongi was never one to grumble about things without trying to change them.

Namjoon doesn't say anything but he understands, taking a step away from the doors and then keeping them open so Yoongi could rush out.

"Listen, I know people do this whole thing of meeting each other's parents and I'm cool with that but," you cough, clearly nervous but he didn't notice. Having been drowning in all the rose tints of the world at the time all he saw was how beautiful your hair looked, partly annoying by constantly sticking in your eyes.

He brushes the strand aside, tucking it behind your ear and you flush. The warmth of your skin dizzies him to the point where he hadn't heard, hadn't cared because he was ready to have you for anything in the world.

It's not that you don't love him. You just can't explain him.

But maybe, just maybe, he could help you to explain and vice versa. And no one had to leave.

When he busts through the doors of the apartment like a bat out of hell with its ass still on fire, you yelp by the dinner table, sitting in front of two steaming mugs.

"Made two out of habit," you mutter before resting your head on your arms, peering up at him with a soulful gaze. "Strange isn't it."

Yoongi takes a seat by the table, gripping his mug and finding his hands quite clammy.

"We've made a habit of each other," he hums.

"That we have," you agree. "I guess the plan of keeping each other at distance is not really working."

He reaches to put a hand over yours and you try to suppress the smile growing on your face by hiding it in the corner of your sleeve.

"Guess not. But isn't it better this way?"

The chair screeches as you pull it closer to his. He smells of outside air and cold and the cologne you gifted him on a whim on a random Tuesday.

"It is."

JIN: Everyone gives him a wide berth during this time. His favourite stylist hurriedly swerves into a different hallway upon hearing the decisive thud of his shoes. Even Jungkook avoids his infuriated gaze.

Fine, he doesn't need them anyway. Going to bed, he attests he doesn't need anyone anyway.

And if he has to lock his phone into a protected safe whose combination was only known to Bang PD who was vowed in blood to never reveal, it just goes to show that he's perfectly fine by himself.

But ultimately and regrettably when he goes to sleep home, pulls the duvet over his body with an angered tantrum, in due time, the wrinkle in his forehead mellows out and he can't help but stare at the neat and untouched side of the bed.

He might just be dreaming, but he thinks faint snowflakes fall from the sky, briefly glimmering underneath the street light. It's an innocuous thought, one he doesn't really think hard on. It's the thought that comes out of nowhere and disappears into nowhere, easy like breathing.

Were you cold? You never had any appropriate clothing. He always had to give you his scarves, gloves, coats, and socks.

He really loved giving you his scarves, gloves, coats and socks.

"Just five minutes, please," Jin feels an odd sort of deja-vu. But he thinks instead of Bang PD it was his mother who gave him the same acrid, judgemental stare over the top of his glasses.

"Forget it, kid, you bribed me with a whole car. You're not getting this phone back."

"I'll tattoo the number on my ribs," he warns but it doesn't deter Bang PD in the slightest.

"Go ahead," he snorts. "Jungkook wants to have nipple piercings. I've given up on you, punks. And first, you'd have to get it which is impossible as I'm not giving you the phone."

Dejectedly, Jin can only shuffle away, a cloud of persistent gloom hanging above his head. How exactly he ends up in front of a small cafe at the very corner of the city, he doesn't quite know but it had to probably do with the fact that it's Monday evening.

Monday evenings were date days.

He comes to a standstill in front of the inviting doors and being a dumbass he stares unseeing at the menu hung outside, pretending he's pondering on the food choices and not the choices of his life.

"Excuse me, grandpa, move it. Your big ass shoulders are covering the entire real estate."

He blooms into a wide smile before forcing it down and turning to glower at you, though failing miserably halfway. But at least he wasn't the only one. Despite the derisive hand on your hip, you were clearly biting the inside of the cheek - all to win the stupid game of who could show they were bothered the least by the whole ordeal.

"Hey, respect your elders!"

"So you admit you're the elderly?" you smirk at him deviously and Jin can hardly keep the laughter in.

An employee gives them a questioning frown and delicately places an ad on the door.

"-20% to couples."

You and Jin briefly stand mute before uttering all at once.

"We must."

"This is simply frugal."

The argument doesn't continue over the course of the meal as you've both well forgotten it by now.

"I locked my phone into Bang PD's safe and now he won't give it back to me," Jin informs, pushing a coffee he ordered your way. This was your favourite.

"That sounds like something you'd do," you nod along, putting a piece of your cake on his dish.

HOSEOK: When you come home it's deathly silent. Has been like that for three days now. You've gotten quite good at ignoring Hoseok's entire existence and so has he. For now, you're content with treating him as invisible, still brewing in remnants of anger.

You take off your coat and slide in the slippers. He's in the doorway holding the laundry basket and blocking your way. You glare at each other for a worryingly long time before stomping in your own, illogical directions. He takes the laundry to the kitchen, and you end up in the bedroom in hopes of washing your hands.

This is stupid, you realize, absolutely moronic but the intense need to be spitefully petty places you far away from the realm of logic.

"FUCK!" A sudden shout trembles the apartment and your heart immediately falls to the pit of your stomach. Crashing into the kitchen walls, you come to slide to a scene of the crime, already imagining the worst - he broke his leg, there's blood, oh my god, Hoseok's hurt!

You find him in great emotional distress though physically unharmed and water spouting like a whale from the broken sink.

"Oh, shit," you yelp as well, throwing a haphazard towel on the disaster, then promptly slipping on the floor and collapsing on top of Hoseok, not unlike a vengeful sack of potatoes. He groaned in pain, attempting to get up and then falling ass over tits once more.

"I'll turn off the water!" you yelled. "Just try to stop the leak!"

"Give me your shirt!" he yells back.

"My shirt?! It's no time for sexual endeavours, stupid!"

"It's not for sex, dumbasss, I don't want to spoil the washed laundry!"

"Oh my god, HOW DOES THAT MATTER?"

"IT WAS AN APOLOGY, OKAY? I'M SORRY!"

You blinked the water out of your eyes. His hair might be soaked, sticking flat to his forehead and there might be heavy bags clinging to his eyes, professing lacklustre nights of sleep but if anything he's even more handsome than ever. Your Hoseok.

"I'm sorry too," you confessed, scooching over to him and your clothes flop with a distinct sound as puddles begin gathering all around. "I shouldn't have said what I said."

"You had your reasons," he assures, gently laying a palm on your shoulder, squeezing the flesh as a gesture a sign of comfort. "I've been thinking a lot."

"No, no, I've been thinking and you're...you were right, I admit that."

His eyes soften and the smile on his face feels the most genuine you've seen in a month.

"Let's just not fight, okay?" he grasps your face in his hands, hopeful and optimistic.

"Okay," you affirm and lean to kiss him. You've always wanted to kiss in rain. Something akin to rain will do just fine, you reason happily, as Hoseok wraps his arms around your waist.

"YOU'RE FLOODING, YOUNG PEOPLE! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"

JIMIN: You stormed away, your bag flinging left and right from the sheer anger that drummed through your veins. If wrath had a face, you'd look into the mirror image. You'd told him for weeks - no! No! But what had he done?! Not listened!

Because he never listened! He always did what he wanted! You ripped at your credit card hidden within your purse and Chimmy's face comes into your view as for a year now he'd hung neatly by the side of your favourite purse.

"Chimmy had a scary dream last night and was afraid of being left alone again."

"Just please, please don't leave," Jimin muttered, hands awkwardly nibbling with each other as he stood by your side. "Yell at me but please don't leave."

You glimpsed back where you left him. He was still standing in the middle of the street, unmoving and shocked into a stupor, it didn't even seem like he was present enough to register all the people brushing past, occasionally bumping into him as though he was a mere lamp post.

"Why are you scared?" he asked gently as you lay on his stomach, passively watching clips of BT21.

"Dunno," you shrugged. "I'm bad with people as you know it."

He caressed your hair and you felt yourself drift peacefully off eased into sleep by the soft, rhythmic movements.

"You're not so bad! You managed to hook me, didn't you?" he mumbles with a smile and you reply with one as well, though a bit more cynical.

"Cause you're a weirdo, a statistical outlier."

He laughs. Jimin was always quick to laugh.

As you watched Chimmy rummage through the trash, you couldn't help but tear up.

"Do you have to write such sad stories?" you accused and he cooed.

"It's a happier story now."

"Taxi for _____________!" a guy leaned out of the car and you stared at him numbly, then at Chimmy then back at Jimin who still had not moved. It appeared he would remain there for the rest of the time.

"Chimmy was determined to try ten times harder than usual so that Chimmy won't need to be alone."

"Taxi for ________! Are you getting in or not?!"

"But was Chimmy just much too eager?"

Yes, he had been too eager but he loved you so, of course, he'd come to your work gathering and naturally it had made the atmosphere awkward and strained but he thought you were scared. And he'd promised to never not be by your side when you're scared, and if anything was love it was a promise kept.

"No," you muttered to the cab driver. "No, I'm not getting in."

"Well, thanks for nothing! Made me drive all the way here for nothing, you little - !"

But you don't hear any of the hurled insults in your direction, you simply dash back to Jimin's side, wrapping your arms around him as tight as though he was on the brink of crumpling into little unmendable pieces.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for losing my temper! I'm sorry for not being patient! I'm sorry!"

At first, he continued to be a statue and you fear the damage done is too great but as he tentatively returns the gesture, you realize it's not because he's angry it's because he's surprised. Surprised that you would run back to him even though there wasn't a universe in your mind where you wouldn't.

"It's been all of two minutes," he laughs breathily, unshed tears lingering in his voice.

"Two minutes too many. I don't want you to be Chimmy."

This time his entire body shakes as he laughs and a deep sense of relief washes through your bones.

"Chimmy did learn in the end that being alone is okay sometimes cause true friends don't leave your side," he patted your back and if feasible you pushed yourself even deeper into his hold.

"And I won't as well."

"I know," he affirmed. "Let's go eat, it was so awkward in there my stomach hurt. And also..." he added demurely. "I promise not to crash any of your work parties."

"I'll just invite you next time. Now let's go eat! I'll pay."

"Good, I'll make sure to take a lot."

"...you know not everyone is as rich as you, right?"

TAEHYUNG: When you open the door, you're met with Taehyung's scowling face.

"I forgot to take my vest," he huffs.

You glance at him in your astonished state not even glaring like you promised yourself.

"You were supposed to be in France."

"Yes and I just said I forgot my vest," he hisses and then arches a deeply judgmental brow. "Can I come in to get it?"

"Be my guest."

For half an hour, he wrecks his entire closet, trying to find it as you sat on the bed, alternating before glowering at his back and being happy at his unexpected arrival.

"It's not here," he grumbles over the shoulder. "Have you taken it?"

"I've not touched your things," you scoff. "You're just blind. Move over!"

Together you turn upside down every single shelf there is, his underwear drawer, your underwear drawer, the laundry, both clean and dirty, and it's not here.

"It's gone," at last you give up, sitting on the floor in defeat.

"I won't go back until I find it," obstinately Taehyung utters and you squint at him.

"Are you really such a Dumbo to miss your schedule over a vest you can get at any shop on the Earth?!"

"And are you really such a Dumbo to think this has anything to do with a vest of all things?"

When you glimpse at him, the scowl is exactly where it was but there's also that same glint in his eye. The one that made you first fall in love with him. Something kind and revered shines through him like a candle behind a paper.

"Do you really think I would not travel all the way from France to be here for an hour just because I missed you so much I was clawing at the walls?"

Your cheeks flush on their own and you tighten your fists.

"I'm still angry at you," you pout.

"Great, be angry at me but still say you miss me."

He dropped to his knees on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

"You have missed me, right?" he asks much more vulnerable and you waste no time pressing your forehead against his.

"Of course I missed you. Despite the fact you've been gone only for one day."

Taehyung laughs, his dark curls tickling your face.

"When do you have to leave?"

"In like five minutes," he whined and you groaned in reply.

"All that for five minutes?"

"Better five minutes with you than an hour of no you."

You had a working theory that you could never really be mad at him. And neither could he at you.

JUNGKOOK: As Yoongi had warned you just before you officially had gotten together with Jungkook, he was one of if not the weirdest guys anyone could ever meet.

At first, you thought surely he was not that bad. Then he sprained his ankle on your first date. Your first date in such a dangerous place as a pastry shop with the average age of customers being 65.

On second thought, you assumed, well he wasn't dead already so there must be at least a smidge, a sliver of a survival instinct in his brain but then you had to grab at the back of his jumper so he wouldn't jump into a tiger enclosure to "pet the kitties".

What went through his brain you did not know though you tried to understand, especially now, standing over his hospital bed.

"Is he still sleeping?" the main overseeing doctor stepped into a room with a hushed whisper.

"Yes," you replied quietly, walking over to greet her in gratitude. "Thank you so much."

"Eh, Hippocratic oath," she threw a hand though her eyebrows remained knitted. "He will need some extensive TLC. We'll prescribe him oral antihistamines to improve sleep, as well as calamine lotion to apply for the rash. I also strongly suggest placing wet, cool compresses for about 15 to 30 minutes several times a day."

You bit on your lips. The last thing you wanted after making sure Jungkook was awake and well, was to cling all over him. You glowered, wondering whether this was his plan all along, immediately then muting into echoes of concern. Seeing him sleep not peacefully in his home but in a hospital bed was unsettling despite how idiotic the action was that got him here.

After an argument, many would walk out, take a drive, slumber in a drink, or maybe visit a friend to vent away some anger, and while Jungkook walked out after an argument that is where the normalcy ended.

He had driven to the very depths of the countryside and guided by a romantic whim decided to pick some wildflowers on an unowned piece of land. Chief among them, a bounty growing of poison ivy. Considering it wasn't even possible to misconstrue poison ivy as a flower, you wondered what could have possibly happened in that skull of his that made sense picking it up.

Long story short, calls were made late at night and he was now riddled with a heavy rash and exhaustion as he'd driven himself, scratchy and blistered, all the way to the hospital. Hospital at the one he knew mind you not the one that was nearest.

"Okay," you agreed politely, coming to sit by him when the doctor walked out.

After a moment of silence, you dared to speak.

"You're such an idiot, you know that. I hate your stupid face."

"That's a bit mean," a low, raspy reply sounded across the room, making you recoil.

Jungkook had cracked one mischievous eye open and stared with what could only be described as a softly amused smile.

"It's true though!" you yelped, smacking his chest, immediately making him groan in pain.

"Oh, shit, love truly does hurt," he whined and you sagged in the hospital seat, feeling the fumes rush out of your ears.

"Do you have to be such a - ! Such a - !"

"Dumbass?" he offered impishly before laying his head down on the pillow. "I don't have to but I find doing it very often."

"Very funny Jungkook, extremely comedic," you barbed at him dryly. "Making me worried is just -"

"I'm sorry," he abruptly confessed. "I'm sorry we ever fought. I'm sorry I have these dumb ideas and I'm sorry for not doing what you asked. I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me just know that I bow my head down."

You sighed and brushed out the tiredness from your sleep-lidded eyes.

"Why didn't you just drive to the nearest hospital?! Why all the way here?"

He swallowed and gazed up at the ceiling. You'd never seen him physically gather his thoughts, think carefully of the words spoken though you knew he was not at all stupid. He was just...Jungkook.

"Because...because I thought...I don't know, I just got it into my head that I was dying there for a second and I knew I wouldn't want to die in a hospital with you far away, maybe even thinking I could ever hate you, that I meant the things I said. I didn't mean them and I just...felt like I had to make things right. Honestly," he chuckled, attempting to scratch behind his ear only to wince as his arm was the most affected. "If not for Namjoon I wouldn't have driven to the hospital at all. Would just yowl on our doorstep."

Explains why Namjoon had rushed in and out like a bull seeing red.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" you breathed in misery, laying your head down on the very edge of the white duvet that kept him covered.

"Please treat me gently," he patted your head with a laugh before it morphed into a sharp hiss of pain. "I'll treat you gently as well and we can live happily ever after."

"With our three children?" you raised your head and he glided a thumb over your cheek, a gesture the sly bastard knew you were weak for. "That the good doctor thinks we have?"

"She didn't ask how many legs or tails they had," he grinned, continuing to leisurely caress your face to (successfully) dissipate your anger. "And don't worry about me so much, I'll find my way home. Itchy or not."

© soraviii/soraviie 2022-2023

[nightmaree-eyess]

Orange is the last of us

A tlou fic based on orange is the new black

Summary: you are going to prison and you’re new cellmate is abby anderson

Tags: MDNI 18+, prison AU, femme reader, y/n, smut, making out, fingering, oral, dom!abby, angst

Word count: 2,368

Divider @cafekitsune

You never thought in a million years you'd be naked in a cold, lifeless room, squatting and coughing for a police officer. But you guess there's a first for everything right? After you're done humiliating yourself you get dressed in stiff linen scrubs, walk through the metal detector with your belongings the officer gave you, and prepare yourself for your new life for the next 15 months.

“y/n this is where you’re assigned.” the officer says sternly

You look into the cell and no one is there. At least you'll get some alone time to compose yourself before your cell mate comes back. In the meantime you make your bed and get yourself comfortable. All of a sudden you feel a presence standing behind you. You whip around and…

“y/n? Holy shit I can't believe it's you.”

You know that voice and it sends chills down your spine. Abby. Fucking. Anderson. The person who got you into this mess in the first place.

“I don't even wanna look at you right now”

In the back of your mind you were actually relieved she was here. That you knew someone in this shit hole and that you weren't completely alone.

“Oh come on you didn't miss me just a little bit?” she says smugly

You turn around and she's standing in the doorway. She's still as beautiful as the day you met but you don't know if you'll ever forgive her for getting you tied up in the drug smuggling business. She still wears the glasses you helped her pick out all those years ago.

“Ok fine maybe a little”

She walks over to sit next to you on your bed and your hands almost touch. There is still some electricity there even if you deny it.

“So they finally caught up to yeah huh?”

“Yeah thanks to you”

“What does that mean?”

“If it wasn't for you getting me caught up in the drug business shit I wouldn't even be here in the first place.”

“Oh please, I didn't force you to do shit. You could've left whenever you wanted. I didn't make you stay.”

She's not entirely wrong but it does sting a bit. She gives you the rundown about how things work so you're not completely clueless. You only pick up on bits and pieces because you can't stop staring at her piercing blue eyes and the way her top lip curls a bit when she talks. You hate that you find that cute.

“Lights out ladies” the guard yells

The next day you're in the cafeteria. You had to work electrical in the morning and it feels good to sit for a bit.

“Hey hot stuff looking lonely” abby says jokingly

“Shut up” you roll your eyes. A smile creeps at the corner of your mouth.

She sits across from you while eating her lunch

“So how's your first day so far?”

“Exhausting but I guess the routine is good for me. And I at least know one person in here so it makes it less scary.”

“Oh really? Who? Have I met them?” Abby says sarcastically

“Wow jail made you an ass huh?”

“Yeah.” she sighs

You catch a wave of sadness go over her face for a split second but it disappears as quickly as you catched it.

“What does the rest of your day look like?” she asks

“Well I got a couple more hours of work and then I'm free why?”

“I wanna catch up some more, is that a crime?”

“I mean you're in jail right? Was that the crime they got you for? And not smuggling drugs?”

“Now you're being the ass” abby laughs

After work you meet Abby in the chapel like you planned at lunch. Why would she wanna meet in the chapel if none of us are religious? When you walk in, Abby is sitting on the stage waiting for you. The light from the stained glass window behind her illuminates her in an array of colors that accentuate her beauty. She looks the same as the day you met, just a little older.

“Why did you wanna meet in the chapel?” you asked your arms folded across your chest

“Because it's quiet and people usually don't come in here when there's no service.”

Abby pulls you up onto the stage with her muscular arms and her sandy braid falls in front of her face. As she does so you think am I holding this grudge for nothing? Or is Abby only being nice to me to make up for the shit she's done? Either way I don't think I can realistically hold this grudge for the 15 months I'm in here so might as well just play nice with her. It's nice to have someone by my side in this hell hole.

Abby presses a button on her portable radio attached to her hip and it starts playing love somebody by maroon 5.

“God, radio has gone to shit” Abby says and you both laugh

“So how long have you been in here?”

“3 years.” you see a heaviness blanket over her

“Do you know when you're getting out?”

“I think in like 2 years? After the second year here you kinda stop keeping count. It gets depressing.”

You don't egg her on anymore about this. At least she'll be here for the duration of your stay. You sit in silence for a while until Abby breaks it.

“I'm sorry for ratting you out, at the trial. I thought maybe they'd shorten my sentence if I did so. I feel so shitty about it.”

“I'm not gonna lie, I'm still pissed at you for that. But you're lucky I only got 15 months and that I'm not the one to hold grudges.”

She's staring at you with wetness in her eyes. You stare back and you realise she really does feel bad. You thought she was only apologising to make peace. She's sitting closer to you now and she still smells the same. How she still smells like her pine soap in prison is confusing but she must trade for it on the down low. Her smell brings on a wave of nostalgia and comfort and you feel her soft lips against yours. You grab her hair and deepen the kiss and feel her tear drop roll down your cheek. It brings you back to ten years ago. The kiss is now frenzied and hungry. You need her like you need oxygen but Abby breaks the kiss.

“Follow me.” she whispers in your ear. Sending a shiver down your spine.

She leads you under the wide podium just behind you for cover.

—----------------------------------

She rips off your shirt and dingy sports bra and cups your breast in her hand. She places kisses all down your neck and jaw.

“Fuck I missed you” she whispers

And a part of you missed her too.

She moves her hand from your breast and cups your cunt outside of your pants. You tilt your head back and stifle your moans. She rubs your clit on the outside of your pants with the heel of her palm. You're already so wet.

“Abby please fuck me.”

“You're begging me?” her voice like velvet

“Yeah” you moan breathly

She kisses you deeply and trails kisses all the way down to your happy trail. She shimmies your pants off.

“Wow you're already so wet for me baby.”

You bite your lip to quiet your moans.

Abby takes two fingers and teases your entrance. She slides one finger in and you squirm at her touch. Then the second finger enters you and you moan. Loud. Abby cups her other hand around your mouth to shut you up so you don't get caught. Abby moves her fingers in a “come here” motion slowly at first. You can feel the pressure build inside you as she goes faster. And faster. She stops and moves her head between your legs.

“You gotta promise me you'll be quiet because I can't reach from down here. One peep and I'm stopping.”

You nod your head and hers dip between your legs. She takes her nose and rubs it across your clit with ease. While her tongue ghosts your vagina, you feel your wetness drip down her face and it turns you on even more.

“Abby I- fuck, I- need you inside me”

“How do you ask?”

“Please abby” you beg

“Atta girl”

She takes her fingers again and enters you while she sucks your clit. You're biting your bottom lip so hard it might be bleeding but you don't care. You grab a handful of her braided hair and it's still as soft as you remember.

“Abby im- im gonna” you moan before you can finish the sentence and you feel your walls tighten around her girthy fingers. Abby laps you up and comes up for a kiss making you taste yourself. Then she kisses your cheek.

“As good as I remember it” Abby kisses you again cupping your face in her hands.

You get dressed and get ready to go to dinner.

—----------------------------------------

A couple weeks go by and you're really settling into your routine. Prison sucks but it sucks a little less with Abby. You guys are hanging out like no time has passed at all. And even though you're in prison, you’re happy. You didn't realise you weren't happy with your current fiance and he's gonna be pissed that Abby is in here with you. But right now you don't care. You just worry about surviving in here and if Abby by my side means I'll live to see another day then so be it. Sex is just a bonus.

Today though, Abby seemed to be acting a little weird. She was quiet all day and that's not like her. You asked her all day if something was wrong and she would just shrug her shoulders or not look you in the eyes. You let it go because you didnt wanna pester her too much.

Later on that night when it was lights out you finally got your answer.

“They're letting me out early for good behavior.”

You shoot up out of bed and look at her in disbelief. She got you in here in the first place and now she gets to leave early? A part of you resents her for that.

“What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me this? Is this why you were acting weird today?” you say this a little too loud and a girl from a couple bunks over tells you to shut the fuck up.

“I didn’t wanna tell you cause I knew you'd flip your shit”

“What, so you were just gonna leave me and not tell me? You think I wouldnt notice that my bunk mate / girlfriend was fucking missing?”

The silence is deafening

“When are you getting out?” you say defeated

“Tomorrow morning.” she says shyly avoiding eye contact

“TOMORROW MORNING?!?!” I yell

“Will you shut the fuck up already?” the same woman yelled

“You waited till the last fucking second to tell me you’re leaving?”

“Isn't that what you did to me? When I wanted you to come to my mothers funeral you didn't come with me. Instead you left. Broke up with me and left me in a city I barely even knew.”

“Is this like your payback or something? Putting me in this fucking place wasnt enough pay off? Well congrats Abby you win. You win the petty off.”

You sit on the edge of your bed with your head hung between your legs. Now that you think about it, it was a dick move to break up with her while her mother just passed away. You don't know why you did it. Maybe a part of you thought she was lying so you would stay with her? You don't know. But you feel like a piece of shit now.

“I'm sorry I left when I did. You needed me to be there for you when your mom passed and instead I was a dick and broke up with you. Nothing will ever make up for that and you have every right to be mad at me. I deserve it.”

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was getting out.”

“Promise you'll still visit or at least write to me?” you lay on your back as a tear rolls down your face

“I promise” abby says flatly

You don't know when but you fell asleep and when you woke up there was a note by your pillow. The bed next to you stripped and empty. You open the note that reads

y/n,

I'm sorry again for not telling you about my release date. The weeks I spent with you were the best weeks of my life in this fucking pit and those are the days I wanna look back on. I'll miss hearing your laugh from down the hall and the way your tongue sticks out when you concentrate when we play jenga. I hope when you get out you'll find me and we can play jenga on the couch and have sex in an actual bed again and not on the chapel floor. I'll write to you as much as I can but I don't think I can visit. I'm afraid if I come back that my release was all a dream and they'll put me back in (which is stupid but it's still a fear of mine). I love you and I never stopped loving you to be honest. Even though you broke my heart.

Talk to you soon,

Abby xoxo

You feel a heaviness on your chest and your eyes begin to sting. You hold the note to your chest while you cry and then tuck the note away under your pillow, wipe away the tears, and start your daily routine.

Pt 2