#i want po to make him feel so safe he stops feeling jealous

[accio-sriracha]

Hatred.

A Drarry One-Shot.

⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠂

Draco stood in the doorway to the locker rooms, watching Potter with thinly concealed irritation as he celebrated another win for the Gryffindors.

He hated it.

He hated the way his forced laugh echoed around the room, grating on Draco's ears.

He hated the fact that he was shirtless, still in the middle of changing when the others had come in to cheer for him.

He hated seeing those muscles along his back and his broad shoulders. Hated how he showed them off like he was trying to make others jealous.

He hated Potter's hair, matted with sweat and windblown and a little too perfect.

He hated Potter's friends lifting him onto their shoulders, as though they had any right to touch him.

Draco couldn't stand it. Not one bit.

And when they went to the Great Hall later that evening for dinner, his feelings did not change.

Potter sat, surrounded by friends, admirers, an easy smile on his face Draco could tell was fake even from this distance.

He hated the way Potter moved the food around his plate without eating, a skill that must have been practiced often to be mastered the way Potter had.

He hated that Potter seemed to be the only one in the room, even as the people beside Draco chatted on about meaningless nothings.

And when they passed each other in the corridor, Draco felt this hatred deep in his core.

He hated how they walked by without touching, not even the barest flourish of the bottom of their cloaks.

He hated that he could smell him, a deep and natural scent Draco could recognize anywhere.

He hated that Potter refused to meet his eye, staring straight ahead or conversing casually with the person beside him as though Draco wasn't there at all.

He hated how deeply Potter had engraved himself into Draco's mind. Into his every thought. Draco was simply incapable of thinking anything else.

Draco hated it.

But that did not stop him from pacing the floor in front of the room of requirement nearly every night.

This hatred did not convince him to think of anything other than the words he had burned in his memory.

"I need to see Harry Potter."

And this hatred did not stop Potter from appearing in that room.

It did not stop Draco from hurrying into his arms.

From laying there, fulfilled and whole.

This hatred did not stop Draco from loving him.

"Can I ask you something, Draco?" Potter whispered late one night from their shared bed in their secret room.

Draco hummed, nuzzling closer until there was no more space between them.

"Do you think we'll ever be able to... you know... go out together?" His voice had a hint of hope.

Oh, how Draco hated that hope.

"We've talked about this, Harry." He whispered, sitting up so he could look at him directly, "You know how I feel."

Potter nodded, sighing deeply, "I know. It's just- You know I love you, right?"

Draco could see it in his eyes, the earnestness in them. The kind that made him hate the world for ever keeping them away from each other.

"I love you too." Draco leaned in to kiss him once, "But you can't be seen with me. You know what they'll say about you... you have to keep away when we're out there."

It was a conversation they had often, one that Draco wished he could allow to go differently. He hated that he couldn't.

"I hate staying away from you." Potter leaned their foreheads together, "I want to be with you, Draco. I- I don't want to hide this anymore."

Draco nodded, "I hate it too, love. But you know it's for the best. People can be dangerous. I don't want to see you get hurt."

And he meant it. He truly, truly hated being away from Potter.

He hated not being able to touch him.

He hated hearing that laugh, that fake laugh he'd been using ever since the war.

He hated that he could only hear his real one in the confines of this room. Only see his real smile here. His real voice.

This was the only place either of them felt safe to be free.

They fell in love with the one person they weren't supposed to.

And they hated it.

"One day." Potter murmured, tucking himself against Draco once more as he closed his eyes, "One day we'll be together out there."

Draco nodded, relaxing beside him on the pillows and listening to Potter's breathing slow.

"One day." Draco repeated to himself. Long after Potter had fallen asleep.

And he hated the twinge of hope that bloomed in his chest.

[one0p1nk]

// Ehhhh dumping some silly Horrocalist HCs made out of self-indulgence <333 {+ silly doodles}

Like what I said before, they’re both autists (probably even different types of autists individually/ih) it’s sometimes funny to imagine autists interact sometimes. It can be either wholesome or a secret recipe to disaster./lh

Even if Horropedia categorizes Philocalist as the sweet empathetic Asian girl, he also wonder if her Hispanic side of her roots might say otherwise or just a different kind of charm. In reality, Philocalist is just a sweetheart who for some reasons thinks romance and horror can go hand in hand as her favorites. No matter how cheesy romance is, and no matter how disturbing and spine chilling the thrills of horror can be;;;

Philocalist is a good girl!!! She loves kids, and finds beauty in many things. Just like what her alias means. Sometimes, Horropedia kinda is a bad influence to her like encouraging her to go all nighters watching horror movies or play horror games with him/ih. Ofc, the gal doesn’t let it slide at times. Even if she doesn’t even sleep.

Joshua would tease her when he finds out Philocalist’s drew him a couple of times before- When she quietly explains that she tends to draw whatever she cherishes on her drawing pad, that’s when brunette felt some butterflies on his stomach/ih

“Wait a minute, who’s this man?” *points at a blonde guy with glasses, Journo(my nonfandom OC)

“He’s my friend, Journo.”

“…”

“Horropedia…?”

*scrolls the drawing away before taking out his journal entry with an empty page shown* “Draw something here instead-“/ih/j

Horropedia wouldn’t be the jealous type, I’m sure he’s quite observant and tries to analyze things before assuming. But of course, it sometimes wouldn’t stop making him feel this small bitter feeling on his chest;;; (why his babe has so many male and female friendssss??? <//3/ih/pos)

I can imagine Horropedia being a strange but sweet boyfriend… he gifts Philocalist dream catcher earrings, a ghost hunting pistol, and even a crucifix and talismans for some reasons.

“Is to keep you safe, Boo.” He would always answer to Philocalist’s light skepticism with those single words.

I’m going silly and having Horropedia calling Philocalist her name in general is just good enough. And when he’s so happy and just has this emotional moment, he would call her “Boo” or even “Babe”…-

Even before they established their relationship, he still calls her “Wife” as a joke. Since Philocalist kinda first resembles him as a cute 90s anime girl/waifu by the moment he first heard her speak Japanese- finds it quite fascinating that she’s programmed to learn multiple languages.

Horropedia still tends to sound pretty strange and insensitive with his humor. Philocalist sometimes can’t take his words lightly. But tolerates a decent amount because she can tell that half of the things he say may be just for funny shows/ih

If Horropedia calls her baby girl, what if Philocalist calls him babyboy (cues Horropedia spilling his coffee HAHA-)

He’s quite happy the fact that Philocalist doesn’t get easily scared with horror stories, as she’s more fascinated than disturbed,..-

Joshua first wondered what’s behind Philocalist’s mask. But it turns out there is no secret behind it, she just happens to have this pandemic experience crisis from the 2020’s that she tries to prevent herself from getting contact to smelly, stinky, and yucky germs and it kinda benefits her that it keeps her face warm at cold maps. Horropedia, on the other hand, probably would find it interesting that Philocalist has a special case when it comes to belonging in a specific timeline.. when she doesn’t even belong to anywhere. She’s out of this world!

Horropedia often gives Philocalist forehead kisses, and even cheeks. Sometimes on the lips indirectly or directly either because he may be in a hurry that Philocalist can’t remove her masks quickly or when he really wants to feel her lips/ih/gets bonked.

I will write soon about how they both have first met in my writing blog! It’s still in progress atm.

Mawan(Klai’s oc) is like a father-figure to Philocalist. According to Klai, Mawan would be calm about the pair’s bond (but also would lightly threaten Horropedia to not break her heart is funny djjddjjd-) Meanwhile Philocalist is just standing there not certain about what’s going on in front of her.

[ravenadottir]

Heyyy, in one of your previous post you wrote about the boys professional life before Villa. So can you please write a similar one for after the villa and when MC moves in with them and her relationship with each LIs assistant and coworkers.

hey!

so... ok. let’s take the canon scenario under consideration here, since we know bobby leaves the hospital gig to open his own business.

bobby. while in the hospital kitchen, i think it’s safe to say the boys and bobby’s partner would be allies when it comes to making jokes about him. nothing too out there, but i wouldn't dismiss the opportunity to joke around with them, especially given the fact that they love to see him with someone, finally.

also, how they would be making us know just how different bobby is now, maybe more decisive and serious about the future. and i can bet anything that the boys would be happy for him, when he decided to leave, but would playfully say something like, “this is your fault, isn’t it? he’s growing up because of you...” wiping fake tears and fake crying on each others’ shoulders, just like bobby would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

carl. “all i’m saying is that you might have some trouble at first. carl is an amazing guy, but he’s also working a lot, at all times. he doesn’t understand what it takes to make a relationship work.” his assistant or most trusted employee would spell it out for you. the pos-villa life wouldn’t be easy, and it would take a lot of work to make carl realize he needs to slow down.

on the other hand, people would say how happier he looks every morning, and just how light his mood has been since you guys got together. “was that humming i heard coming from your office, carl?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

gary. if you ever go to pick gary up at work, he already knows the teasing will be non-stop. for one, he talks about you, for two, the lads at the docks watched the show and saw how much you guys are the perfect fit.

and for three, they would definitely emphasize just how much gary gushes over you when you’re not around.

dicky, on the other hand, would make sure to give you a hard time. he knows how gary had been treated in the past and won’t make it easy for you just because you’re cute. he wants to make sure you’re in for the long haul and will make your life a brotherly hell, regardless. on the bright side, he’s like a younger brother who will have your back. he sees how much you love garebear and how dedicated you both are. and nan would definitely be sayiong things like “don’t hesitate on telling me if he fucks up.” she loves you already, mostly because of the show, and can’t wait to have youa around on the sunday dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

henrik. people at the center are definitely hearing henrik talking about you at all times, especially at the beginning, and they’ll make sure you know about it, every time you go there. “this guy won’t shut up about you.” “yes, i will... i don’t even talk about us that much... right?”

it’s endearing when they tell you just how much henrik is happier and lighter after he met you. also, you need to remember that people were probably watching the show, and there’s gonna be lots of girls who would take a shot.

and if i’m right, and i hope i am, his colleagues would be taking those people off his hands, to avoid any sparks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ibrahim. something i don’t like, but it’s the truth, it’s that his brothers would be saying things like “how did he land such a pretty girl like you? i mean, we were watching and we still can’t believe it.” his father would probably say stuff in the same tone, to which i would love to respond something that embarrasses them.

ibrahim is much more confident now, and despite the respect he has for them, i think some snarky responses he learned from bobby and gary would do the trick too. and honestly? i would love to see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

kassam. he probably has a manager and an assistant, besides the crew that takes care of the equipment. whenever they come around to pick him up so they tour is definitely a shower of compliments towards you, and of teasing towards him. “he’s not even that prickly anymore.” “the boy is in love...”

to which he responds a simple “duh. look at them.”

and i honestly love that for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lucas. why do i have the feeling that now that lucas is dating someone, and considering a future with them, there’s gonna be some mean comments? possibly gossip about how rushed it was, and definitely some jealous vibes? i don’t want to be pessimistic, but i’ve seen it first hand, how a guy like lucas starts dating, and how the girl suffers the consequences.

because lucas is not the type to go out with people from work, and now that mc got him, it’s like... she’s not gonna endure that shit, but she can’t prevent it from happening, nor can lucas. people will be whispering under their breath, and i’m sorry if his scenario is not the dreamy one, but also, do you disagree?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

marisol. honestly? her family would be so welcoming... but her uni mates? “she can’t even focus as much...” “now we know why she doesn’t hang out in the library anymore.” and more things like that.

they’ll be teasing you about much of a melt marisol is now, but they’re happy for her, jokes apart. also, if there’s game nights, and i hope there is, involving subjects from uni, they want you on their team, to make you feel welcome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

noah. i mentioned an older woman, his boss, telling him how much he was missing out while ot giving new girls a chance, and now that he’s back to work, she’s so proud of him for taking the risk... even though i imagine her slapping the back of his head about how long, and what, it took.

i also can see her calling noah’s partner “darlin’”, in the most tender way. and now that he’s relatively famous in town, i think his partner might have some trouble, because now more than never, girls will be all over him. but that’s also an excuse the old lady has to be as rude as she wants, saying things like “have some respect for yourself and others.” which i love to see, because she knows just how much noah and his partner love each other.

[my-other-story]

53 QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER:

What was your first impression about your partner?

Hard to get. Yung feeling na kahit anong ganda ng paguusap nyo di pa rin nya kukunin number mo, kung papatayin mo yung call alam mong di mo na siya makakausap uli sa buong buhay mo HAHAHA. Kaya nga comfortable agad ako nung unang pag uusap namin (through phone call)

kasi di siya yung taong nag t-take advantage. And he is really a great listener which i badly needed at that time.

What did you like or love about your partner?

Sa totoo lang, ito medyo deep to ha. Ang dami naming differences, sobrang iba yung ginagalawan naming mundo before we met. Still, he manage to handle entering into my world without any judgement. He knows sobrang weird kong babae, making spontaneous decision, idealistic, ganito ganyan, etc. But he knows when to correct me, when to stop me, when to comfort me, when to tolerate me, or when to help me (pero minsan may disadvantage din yun kasi naiirita ako nffeel ko minsan wala syang pake hahaha).At talagang hinahayaan niya akong mag grow on my own.

How did the relationship start?

App, that you can talk to a stranger. Hahaha actually nag tagal yung paguusap namin without knowing our full name, address & other personal info. Yung purpose lang naman talaga e yung may nakakausap ka lang pero iba yung nangyare hahaha. To be honest, wala ding formal na label nung una pero ayun napag usapan naman and we decided to make it official & serious na.

Do you still like what you loved about your partner and why?

Oo, pero minsan din kasi gsto ko na pinagdadamot nya ko? Hahaha weird pero oo.

Are you happy with the intimacy you share?

Yes.

Do you feel the same the way you felt for your partner at the beginning of the relationship?

Hindi na ata, kasi ngayon habang patagal ng patagal mas lalong nagging deep yung love ko sakanya. Yun din kinakatakot ko ayoko talagang maumbok nya yun kasi nagging toxic ako pg nagmahal ako ng sobra e.

Are you positively affecting each other’s life?

For now, i think yes. We'll see pag tumagal.

Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

Yes, isa na don yung matutong kumalma hahaha.

How often do you laugh together?

For now, di pa ganon ka dalas.

When was the last time you dreamt about your partner?

Noong isang gabi lang.

Do you like spending time with your partner’s friends and family?

I don't know, di pa ko pa meet yung family & friends niya ganon din sya. Ldr din po kasi.

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

Everyday.

How often do you think of your partner?

Everyday.

Do you smile when you relate something from your daily life with your partner?

Yes.

Can you recall the most romantic moment with this partner?

Sobrang worried ko. Cuddle kami tapos kinocomfort ako. While kinocomfort ako kinikiss nya forehead ko and kinikiss ang lips ko tapos kinokontra lahat ng mga negative thoughts ko. Pinapakalma niya ko. Grabe first time ko nakaramdam non, sanay kasi ako palagi na ako lang nag cocomfort sa sarili ko. Pero this time someone did that for me. I feel safe in his arms.

Do you get each other’s feeling without the need to say anything?

Sometimes.

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

Vacay at cebu. Yes always.

How do you show your love for each other?

Ldr. Kaya through consistent communication & commitment.

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

Kanina lang.

Have you ever changed anything for your partner?

Yes. Many to mention.

How much do you think you understand your partner?

HAHAHA to be honest. Di ko pa sya ganon kakilala, and the truth is, it will take time pa. Parang libro sya, easy to read but very hard to understand.

Do you trust each other?

For now i don't know. Kelangan pang i gain yung trust. It will take time pa. Pero for sure we're working on it.

Have you not let your partner do something just because you feel jealous or angry?

Yes. Hahaha (one of my toxic traits)

How do you feel when others find your partner attractive?

Sarap ipagsigawan

"hoy boyfriend ko yan, girlfriend niya ko"

Do you feel jealous if your partner hang out with a friend of the opposite sex?

YES YES YES YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!

pero kelangan kalma lang ako.

How serious are you both taking this relationship?

We're planning na wag na mag LDR.

Do you bring up arguments very often and why?

Oo ako, pero sya hindi.

Do you make sacrifices for your relationship?

YES

Have you ever apologized for what you’ve done wrong to your partner?

YES

Do you forgive your partner’s mistakes easily?

Yes i can forgive, but i can't easily forget.

Do you throw temper easily for small mistakes of your partners?

Yes, kaya minsam out of nowhere bigla akong may topak o toyo, but he knows how to handle the situation. I really admire him for that

Do you respect each other’s beliefs?

YES (pero kinocorrect yung mga mali)

Is it really necessary to know everything from your partner’s previous relationships?

For me NO NEED, hindi sya healthy sa present relationship. It is possible na jan pa panggalingan yung umpisa ng away at katoxican sa relasyon nyo.

Do you believe in staying with this partner for a very long time or even forever?

yes i believe.

How do you feel when your partner has to leave you for some time because of work or studying?

natatakot ako hahaha.

Will you say sorry to your partner even though it’s not your fault?

Yes.

When was the last time you had an in-depth conversation with your partner?

Di ko maalala pero nung nakaraan lang about financial & family problem.

Are you keeping any secrets that you’re afraid of letting your partner know?

Yes.

Do you think your partner’s friends and family like you?

I don't know.

Do you feel that your partner accepts the way you are?

For me yes - but not 100‰ sure. Di ako sya.

Have you seen each other at your best and worst?

I think sya nakita niya na. Pero ako wala pa.

Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? Why?

WALA as long as alam ko di sya nagch-cheat.

Have you ever thought about breaking up with your partner and why?

If it's time to let go. Why not?

Will you lie for the sake of your partner’s happiness and how do you define the line?

Yes.

Are you in a relationship only because you enjoy the excitement or the feeling to be loved and cared about?

yes one of the reason why i'm in a relationship with him right now BUT it's not the ONLY reason. There are thousands/million of reasons why. Remember, it's not always a sunny day, there will be also rainy days. Worst thing could happen jan mas patitibayin pa ang relasyon.

Does this partner make you forget the painful feeling of your previous relationships?

I don't want to compare anything about him to my previous, he don't deserve that. I don't like this question.

Do you look forward to your future with your partner?

Yes.

Have you thought about marrying your partner? (If you two have already married, do you remember why you had that thought of marrying your partner?)

Yes. Why not?

Are you willing to compromise your happiness for a successful relationship?

It depends.

When it comes to future, do you and your partner have the same relationship goals?

For now, di pa namin napag uusapan yan.

Are there more joyful moments than sad ones being together?

Yes.

What makes you happier in a relationship, sharing or sacrificing?

Sharing.

If you could choose your partner again, would you choose the same person?

Yes.

[ma-sulevin]

No rest for the wicked.

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw/Female Deputy Rating: E Warnings: Canon-typical violence, but nothing particularly explicit I don’t think Word Count: 6071, chapter seven of thirteen (probably).

Read it on AO3 instead and say nice things.

---

Mattie wakes up warm and sore in both the usual ways and in new ones. Her muscles ache from days of walking and fighting, and her thighs ache from her first good fuck since moving to Hope County. She smiles at the memory, tucking her face closer against Sharky’s chest. They’re still tangled together -- it doesn’t seem like they’ve moved all night, even though she knows he doesn’t sleep as hard as she does -- and he’s still holding her as closely as he was when she crawled in bed with him.

The second she starts to shift around, Sharky squeezes her. He’s been awake, holding her while she had a blessedly dreamless sleep, just waiting for her to come back to consciousness on her own. She doesn’t want to sound too poetic, but her heart skips a beat as he presses a kiss to the top of her head, then her forehead, then her nose as he tips her face up.

She smiles and laughs as he presses more kisses to her skin, heating under his attention until he makes it to his goal between her thighs. She throws her arm over her face to hide her eyes as he makes himself comfortable with her heels resting on his back and his arms hooked around her legs to hold her hips steady as he begins to taste her.

They haven’t even said good morning yet, and he’s already got his tongue buried so far in her cunt she’s forgotten how to breathe.

He licks her until she’s not sure she can take any more, until her throat is raw from crying out her pleasure and her thighs are trembling where they’re clamped around his head. When she curls in on herself to get away from the sensation, he follows her, moving with her until she comes again and again, until she has to push him away with both hands on his head and one foot on his shoulder.

He climbs up the bed beside her, laughing as he presses a wet kiss to her lips, then collapses against her side, right hand working hard between his own legs. She tries to reach for him with shaking hands, but he grabs her wandering fingers with his free hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles before holding it captive to his chest. 

“Sharky?” She says his name, uncertain, voice still hoarse, and he squeezes her fingers as he comes onto his stomach, coating his fingers and groaning through it. She watches with lips parted, breath still coming in hard gasps as she calms down.

She has never, ever been with a guy who enjoyed eating her out that much.

“Holy shit,” he says, finally, voice deep with arousal and still a little sleep. 

“Yeah,” she laughs. “Holy shit.”

He turns his head to look at her, a wide, loopy smile on his face, and she can’t resist leaning in to kiss him again. 

“Good morning.” He speaks against her lips, lips curving into a smile as she kisses him again before pushing herself up to rest on her arms. 

“It is a good morning,” she says, and then she laughs again, stretching out her legs and flexing her toes to force some feeling into them. Sharky chuckles back at her, and she looks down at him with a soft smile. “Honestly, I kind of thought your stories were, uh, mostly bragging? But that was… fuck. ”

His smile transforms into a smirk. “C’mon, let me show you more,” he offers, starting to reach for her again, but she launches herself off the bed to get out of reach of his grasping hands. She stumbles a little, legs still shaking, and she leans most of her weight against the chest of drawers by the door. It rattles dangerously, empty since its owners left, and she starts to laugh as Sharky does.

“Babe,” she says, the nickname dripping from her lips like it’s always belonged there, and her heart does a little skip when Sharky’s eyes practically turn into hearts. “We don’t have time. We gotta -- well, I gotta talk to Joey, see what the plan is. You can come with, or not, but I have to shower first.”

Sharky pretends to consider for a minute, flexing his sticky hand, then shrugs. “Lead the way, Po-po.”

---

In the end, it’s nearly noon by the time Mattie’s clean and dressed and ready to get back to fucking up the Seeds’ day. She’d love to just let Sharky lure her back into their borrowed bed, wear her out again and again until she can just sleep without dreaming again, really relax for the first time since Burke showed up in Hope County with a warrant in his hand and a smirk on his stupid face. She’d love to forget, just for another day (or two), everything going on around her, the fires raging that only she can put out.

But Jacob still has Staci, and Faith still has Burke, and someone has to do something about it.

Joey’s sitting out in front of the Spread Eagle, a mug of steaming coffee in her hands and her rifle across her lap. She looks clean, hair still a little damp, the healing scabs and bruises on her visible skin more obvious in the bright sunlight. She squints at Mattie as Mattie draws closer, her tense expression melting into a smile.

“Rookie.”

Mattie huffs a laugh and settles in the other chair, carefully not reaching out to touch Joey like she wants, like she used to offer a hug or a light punch in greeting. Joey’s defensiveness from John’s bunker is still a harsh, fresh memory, and Mattie’s determined to be respectful no matter how wrong it feels. It’s still the right thing to do.

“Hey, Jo.” Mattie props one foot up on the bar’s railing and fishes her cigarettes out of her bag. She offers one to Joey before shrugging and lighting it herself.

Silence and smoke drifts between them, almost as comfortably as it did before all this. 

Almost, but not quite. Mattie’s guilt is stifling her, even if it doesn’t quite meet Joey. Despite everything, despite having Joey safe next to her, Mattie’s nearly overwhelmed by the knowledge she should have done more. She should have been faster.

The forty marks on her arm, now hidden by her jacket, don’t do enough to reassure her that she’s literally giving everything she has to this god-forsaken county.

“Mary May says Jacob and Faith are still alive.”

Mattie tilts her head just enough toward Joey to look at her out of the corner of her eye. “Yeah.”

“You came for me first?” Her broken fingernails tap against her mug. Tap tap tap. 

“Yeah. I’ve been all over, but… I couldn’t leave you with John.” Joey hums a little, just an acknowledgement, and Mattie continues, “I haven’t seen Burke yet. Whitehorse is okay, over at the jail with Minkler. Jacob has Staci, and he…”

Joey sighs, a short, sharp, reproachful sound. Mattie winces. “John, that mother fucker, told me all about it. You gotta get Staci out of there, Rook.”

Mattie nods. “Yeah. I know.”

Joey turns to look at her, fingers still. Mattie looks up to meet her gaze, ashamed eyes meeting Joey’s defiant ones.

“No. Now. You go now, and you kill Jacob, and you bring Staci back here. You hear me?”

Mattie’s nodding before Joey’s done speaking. “Okay. I will. Promise. You, you staying here?”

Joey nods. “I trust you. You got me, you can get him. I’ll just slow you down.”

“Okay. I will.” She breaks Joey’s gaze and stubs out her cigarette in the ashtray on the rail. “I’ll be back, Jo.” She hesitates, then adds, “I love you.”

Joey’s hand snaps out as Mattie stands, grabbing her wrist. Joey’s skin is too hot against hers, warmed by her coffee. “Hey. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Go kick that fucker’s ass, okay?”

Mattie would walk right into Joseph’s compound today if Joey told her to. She smiles, hopes Joey won’t notice her eyes getting a little watery. “Okay.”

“And I love you too.”

Mattie smiles wider and pulls her pack up and on her back. She turns to go, gets a few feet away before Joey calls out with a laugh in her voice, “And tell whoever you spent the night with to be more careful about those hickeys! You’re not in high school!”

She doesn’t turn around, just lifts her right hand up with her middle finger pointing high. Joey’s laugh is loud, then gets louder when Sharky appears with his own bag, grabbing Mattie around the waist to give her a sound kiss like it’s totally normal, like it’s something they’ve been doing every day. 

Mattie nearly knocks his hat off trying to catch her balance as she laughs too.

“Ready to head up to the mountains? I’ll see if Jess can meet us at the border.”

Sharky looks over Mattie’s shoulder towards the still-laughing Joey, then back down at Mattie with a smile. “Sure thing, boss. Let’s give ol’ Jake-n-Bake the business. Ride or die, remember?”

Mattie takes his hand in hers. “Ride or die.”

---

Jess meets them at the edge of the state park, her quiver bristling with arrows. She emerges from the trees with an eerie silence that makes Mattie shiver even as it makes her a little jealous -- she still can’t quite walk through the woods without snapping twigs and crunching leaves under her feet -- and her gaze immediately drops to the bruise on Mattie’s neck that she hadn’t bothered to hide even after Joey made fun of her for it.

Jess glances from the hickey to Sharky and then back to meet Mattie’s gaze, the really? clear on her face.

Mattie shrugs. Jess sighs.

Sharky’s either oblivious to the moment of tension or just doesn’t care, because he sidles up between the two women with a grin and his shotgun resting up on his shoulder. “Well ain’t you a sight, Jess?” he greets, grin just growing wider as she turns her silent glare up to him. “Saddle up and join the team!”

After a moment, her face cracks, and she grins right back at Sharky, her scars pulling the expression up oddly. It’s cute, and the knot of tension in Mattie’s chest dissipates as quickly as it came.

“Do you know where we can start?”

Jess nods. “Elk Jaw Lodge isn’t far from here. Peggies took it a while ago, and taking it back’ll hurt ‘em.”

Mattie smiles. “Perfect. Lead the way.”

Jess does, though Mattie makes them stop to liberate a peggie vehicle on the way. If she drives carefully enough and Sharky stays in the back where he can stretch out his long legs next to Boomer, no one looks at them funny, even when they drive right past peggie checkpoints on the side of the road.

It’s the best camouflage she can think of, short of stripping some peggies naked and putting on their clothes which just look like they reek of BO. If she did that, though, she’d probably be able to drive right up to Jacob’s front door and blow his head clean off without trouble.

“You should pull over here,” Jess says, leaning forward in her seat and putting both feet on the floor of the van.

Mattie obeys, parking on the side of the road and killing the engine. She leaves the keys in the ignition as they all climb out together, not concerned with whether or not someone else will take the van while they’re busy with the lodge. It’s not like it belongs to her anyway.

“Okay, we’re going to go in quiet,” Mattie says, looking right at Sharky. He blinks at her like he has no idea what she’s trying to say. “I’ll pick off as many as I can with my sniper rifle, and Jess, you can do the same with your bow?” She glances at Jess to see her nod, then she looks back at Sharky. “And once they notice what’s going on, then you can set them on fire, deal?”

Sharky huffs, but then he smiles. “You’re the boss!”

They stare at each other for a minute, then she nods, accepting his agreement. Jess is smirking again when she looks back, and Mattie just shrugs.

There’s no point in hiding what she and Sharky have become. Jess can laugh all she wants. It is… probably a little ridiculous, but Mattie doesn’t care. She’s going to take her little moment of happiness and hold on as tight as she can until this whole cult situation is taken care of.

They split up and head for opposite sides of the lodge. Mattie stays up on the hill side, laying on one of the stone outcroppings with her eye against the scope of her rifle, breathing slowly as she watches the peggies milling around the building. Jacob’s voice comes steadily over the speakers, but she’s not sure if the nonsense he’s spouting this time is a recording or some sort of weird-ass live sermon. It doesn’t seem like he’d be talking about his followers being judged by their animals the day after his little brother’s death, but who knows? She doesn’t understand the Seeds, not really. That’s why they have a leg up on her.

Sharky’s stretched out at her side, chin in his hands, humming a nonsense tune under his breath. He’s keeping a watch on the area around her, tasked momentarily with watching her back while she watches Jacob’s Chosen.

She pulls the trigger, and one falls behind a pile of bliss crates. No one else seems to notice, but Sharky jumps a little at the sudden noise. She smiles at him despite the curl of nausea in her gut. She hates this.

She hates it.

A moment later and another peggie falls under her watchful eye, then another. She happens to spot another peggie falling with an arrow in the back of his skull; Jess is holding up her end of the bargain even though Mattie can’t see her. She’s a good fuckin’ shot, that’s for sure.

Mattie sees the instant one of the peggies realizes what’s going on around him, watches the look of horror pass over his face as he sees one of the men she’d killed bleeding out on the sidewalk. He falls to his knees to check the fallen peggie’s pulse, and that’s the moment of hesitation Mattie needs. She takes him out too, then hears a cry from farther away.

“Sharky, go,” she says, and he scrambles to his feet with a wild cry that absolutely gives away their position. She doesn’t mind so much, watching through the scope as the peggies begin to scramble, one of them heading straight for the radio and falling when she shoots him in the back. Sharky takes their attention with him as he skids down the hill, flamethrower already spurting flame before he gets close, and she covers his back as he goes.

They’re a good team, all three of them. She doesn’t even really care when he accidentally sets off a stack of bliss barrels, making them explode and fill the air with the sickening sweet scent of the flowers, because Jess materializes next to him to punch him in the shoulder. 

They must have cleared the whole lodge. Perfect. She didn’t even die this time.

The lodge is full of dead wolves, the scent sharp enough that Sharky gags once it hits him. He doesn’t wait around to smell it again before he goes back outside to find Boomer, grumbling that the dog’s stink is better than this. Jess and Mattie continue on, noses wrinkled but lunches staying where they belong, searching through the building for anything useful. 

Mattie pockets $27 and some bandaids before her radio squawks to life. It feels like she hasn’t been in the Whitetails in weeks, so it takes her several seconds to recognize Eli’s staticky voice.

“Welcome back, Deputy!” he says, and she pulls her radio off her hip to hear him better. “ I’ve got some people coming down to meet you. ” A pause, then: “ We haven’t seen you for a while. Over. ”

She winces, taking a moment to just close her eyes and press her knuckles to her forehead. She knows when she’s being scolded, even as mild as Eli seems to be.

“Sorry about that,” she says, holding the talk button down with her thumb. She feels shaky and sick, suddenly, so she abandons her search of the lodge and heads outside. Eli’s men can finish up in here. “Been pretty busy in the Valley, but you got all my attention now, over.”

“Oh, we heard all about that,” he says, and she’s pretty sure he’s smiling. Her tension eases a bit as she steps into the sunlight, squinting against the brightness to find Sharky in the chaos of the peggies’ supplies. “We’re real proud of you. My guys’ll be there soon and they got a favor to ask, over.”

She finds Sharky on the side of the lodge facing the lake, just throwing rocks into it to watch the ripples. She smiles and leans against the wall to watch. “We’re happy to help. Whatever your boys need. Over.”

“We appreciate it. Over’n out.”

The radio falls silent, but she keeps the top of it pressed against her chin as she waits. The second tick by, but Jacob’s voice doesn’t come through once Eli’s has disappeared. Either he doesn’t know what she’s done yet, or he’s not concerned enough to drag her in for another round of training.

Boomer trots up to her and flops down at her feet, rolling over onto his back in the dirt. She pokes at him with the toe of her boot, and he wiggles from side to side, tongue lolling out of his mouth. If he’s not worried about Jacob’s men, she’s not going to bring it up and put that energy out there.

Sharky glances over his shoulder at her when she doesn’t say anything else. He looks her up and down, fast like he’s checking to see if she’s okay, then again a little slower so that his eyes linger on her chest. He winks at her when he’s done staring, and she huffs a tired laugh.

“You die yet today?”

What an absurd fucking question to ask under any other circumstances.

She shakes her head. “Not yet. Some of the Whitetails are comin’ down to take the lodge back over, then we have to do something for Eli.”

He nods, almost to himself, and wipes his hands off on his jeans. She’s still leaning against the lodge when he wraps her in a full-bodied hug, his arms around her and his chin on the top of her head. She ducks her chin against her chest so she’ll fit better, curling into his embrace like she never wants to leave… and she doesn’t, even when Jess opens the closest door and boos at them.

Mattie stifles a giggle against Sharky’s chest as he blows a raspberry at Jess.

It feels… good, normal, and the guilt at feeling that way when a war still rages on makes her pull away and walk around the lodge to the parking lot to wait for the Whitetails. Jess and Sharky follow her, bickering quietly, and Mattie wonders how well they actually know each other and what kind of answer she’s going to get if she asks. 

They sit out front and smoke her cigarettes while they wait. Mattie props her feet up in Sharky’s lap and leans against Jess without thinking about it, but Jess lets herself be used as a backrest without complaint.

They don’t bother moving again until Eli’s men show up.

She doesn't recognize them, just the Whitetail Militia insignia they're all wearing, but when they ask for her help to rescue some of the other militia members from Jacob’s clutches, she listens. She can't say no, can't ignore the desperation in their eyes.

The men she leaves with him will be killed or tortured like she was. The men who get caught going in after them will be killed or tortured like she was. 

She already escaped once. She took the lodge back.

She can do this. She has Sharky and Jess and Boomer, and they can do this.

They climb back in the peggie van and head north, following Jess’ directions and the signs up to the Whitetail visitor center. The roads are windy, sharply uphill, and Sharky complains about getting carsick until Jess finally switches with him to shut him up. He rolls his window down for the fresh air and reaches over to hold Mattie’s hand for the rest of the drive.

The Whitetail Visitor Center is exactly as Mattie has always pictured it, just also now crawling with peggies. It's beautiful and rustic, up on a hill, with one of Jacob’s chosen standing every hundred feet or so, watching for anyone who might dare to fight back against them. She hauls herself up a tree (with Sharky’s help) and uses her binoculars to check for hostages.

There are two men and a woman, all on their knees with their hands behind their backs. Why haven't they been moved yet? What's taking Jacob so long?

Mattie doesn't like this. She hates it. 

They take the Visitor Center the same way they take the lodge, and Mattie gets the pleasure of slicing through the makeshift handcuffs tying the Whitetails’ hands behind their backs. They thank her, praise her for killing the peggies so ruthlessly, beg her to go to Devil’s Drop to rescue the other men they were captured with.

It's never ending, and Mattie can't say no.

Devil’s Drop is, as the name makes it sound, so much higher up the mountain that Mattie resolutely keeps both hands on the wheel and refuses to look down. It’s dizzying, being up this high, and she absolutely hates it. She turns the radio down and grits her teeth, trying to stare directly at the road and not up at the mountains above or down at the steep drop off below. 

Even Sharky takes the hint and stays quiet until they park their borrowed van on the side of the  road. Eli breaks the silence first, coming in over the radio to tell them how to get into the Hawkeye Tunnel without dying right away, not that Mattie’s particularly worried about that. She would feel bad if the hostages are killed because she fucked up, so she listens, and she does what Eli says even though it requires climbing up the mountain on her own two feet and as soon as she gets the chance to kill Jacob she’s never ever coming back here.

This is the fucking worst.

The side entrance to the tunnel is what must be known as the Devil’s Drop, what should be a beautiful overlook turned into a place of torment for the Whitetails. There’s blood on the stones, both caked in and old and fresh from the bleeding woman on the end of a peggie’s baseball bat. He swings the bat as Mattie watches from higher up, cracking the woman’s head so that she falls without a sound.

Mattie sees red as he beats her again and again, shattering her skull for no reason other than a love of violence. She seethes and then she launches into action, leaping from her perch directly onto the peggie’s back to snap his neck.

It’s faster than the death he deserves, but it’s all she has time for when the men he was with start to yell out a warning to more men inside she can’t see.

Oops.

Jess stays hidden, picking off peggies with her arrows as they come into view. More than once Mattie takes aim only to find the man she was pointing at falling with an arrow in his throat.

Sharky jumps in like she did, and maybe he’s a bad influence on her fighting style, but he whoops to draw attention to himself and blasts through the wave of reinforcements with his shotgun, disappearing into the tunnel to get into more trouble.

Mattie stays where she is, defending the surviving hostage until the fighting stops and she’s able to slice through the zip tie holding his hands together. He thanks her and moves to check the woman lying dead at his side, his fingers searching fruitlessly for a pulse under the blood coating her face and neck. Mattie watches as it drips onto the stone floor, nauseated but unable to look away, until the man stands and leaves alone.

After a moment, Eli’s voice crackles over her radio, making her flinch away from the noise. “We lost some good people today, but you did the best you could,” he says, and she grimaces, not sure that’s true. The best she could would have been to save everyone. “Helping us take care of our own is gonna have a big impact on moral. Maybe you can get some more folks to join up too.” He pauses, and she rubs her forehead with bruised knuckles as she waits. “Shit, I knew Tammy was wrong about you. Congratulations, you’re one of us now. If you’ve got more time, I’ve got more work. Come see us in the Wolf’s Den when you’re ready. Over.”

She waits several long seconds before she says anything back, ignoring the temptation to just… not respond. She already knows she can’t just leave. “Thanks, Eli. I’ll see you soon. Over and out.”

The radio falls silent and she heaves a sigh of relief. She starts searching through the fallen peggie bodies for ammunition and cash, wondering when she stopped feeling bad about stealing from the dead.

“Better be careful, you might get zombie on you,” Sharky says, and she glances up with a retort on the tip of her tongue that she has to bite back when she realizes he has someone with him.

She stands straight, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin so she can meet the newcomer’s eyes. He’s tall, taller than Sharky, and familiar in a way that makes her wrack her brain to remember why she’s met him before. He has on Whitetail gear, but she doesn’t think he was in the Wolf’s Den last time she was there, and it isn’t until he reaches out to shake her hand with his (very large) one that she remembers.

“Jude Wright,” she says, and she watches his face bloom into a smile the same time Sharky’s twists into a little frown. “You warned us about this.”

“I tried,” he says, a wry chuckle slipping from him that she doesn’t think comes from a place of real humor. “Shit’s crazier now than when I started putting two and two together.”

Sharky comes around to stand by her side and throws one arm around her shoulders. She leans against him but doesn’t take her eyes off Jude.

“Yeah,” she says, and then because she doesn’t know what else to say, she adds, “I’m sorry.”

He shrugs, pulls the rubber band out of his hair to shake it out and twist it back up. “Listen, is Staci…” His question trails off, his eyes begging her to understand the rest of the question so he doesn’t have to spell it out, and her heart breaks just a little bit more.

He came to the station and asked for Staci specifically, and Mattie and Joey teased Staci about it relentlessly even though they knew it was just because Jude overheard Staci talking shit about the peggies and knew he was safe to go to with concerns. Apparently they were more right about the situation than they realized.

“Still with Jacob,” Mattie says, voice breaking when Jude’s face falls. “I’m getting him back. I promise.” 

He nods, tucks his hands into his pockets and stares at his shoes for a moment. When he looks back up at her, his eyes are red around the rim, and she leans harder into Sharky’s side.

“You have our support. Whatever you need to bring down Jacob.”

They stare at each other for a long silence, sizing each other up. Whatever he sees in her must make him trust her, because he nods again like his word is final, and he turns to leave. She won’t rest until she puts a knife through Jacob’s heart herself and bring Staci home, and he knows.

He understands.

---

Jacob’s men come for her in the middle of the night, while she’s curled up in an abandoned cabin with Sharky wrapped around her and Jess snoring on the couch in the other room. She barely wakes up in time to see the peggies tying her legs together before the bliss overtakes her.

She doesn’t hear snoring before she falls unconscious.

Only silence.

---

The next time she knows what’s happening to her, she’s lying on packed dirt as a man she doesn’t know tries to get her to drink water out of a bowl. Everything aches and she feels sick; even the water makes her stomach turn and she pushes the stranger away with a barely repressed gag.

“You must be strong,” someone says, not the man in front of her, because he flinches away. “One of you will be strong,” someone says again, and this time she’s able to push through the haze of bliss and pain to recognize Staci.

He’s at the bars of their cage, staring right at her.

She will be strong.

She nods at him, fast, and he has time to smile at her before Jacob shoos him away. He scurries away, bowing his head and clasping his hands together at his front, looking nothing like the Staci Pratt who had teased her relentlessly when she joined the Sheriff’s department, practically pulling her pigtails until she realized she could pull his right back.

She’s going to kill Jacob Seed with her bare hands if it’s the last thing she ever does.

The man in question is currently embracing, of all people, Joseph, and Mattie’s grinds her teeth together so hard she’s practically foaming at the mouth to get to him. She grabs the bars of her cage and uses them to haul herself up to a kneeling position, furious and weak and shaking, and Joseph turns to her with the same fucking calm expression he always has.

She wants to spit in his face, considers it, but then he starts talking and she’s distracted enough to forget the impulse.

“I know you’re in pain,” he says, kneeling and holding onto the cage bars too. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh.”

The verse is like a slap to the face, the same words her own father used to say to her when he would punish her for some perceived slight. She rears back a little, but Joseph doesn’t hesitate, just keeps fucking going. 

“You’re not the only one to be tested. Did you know I had a wife?”

She’s so surprised by the admission that she actually shakes her head at him, answering his question even though he doesn’t stop to wait for a reply before he’s showing her a tattoo on his wrist. She’s beautiful, as far as Mattie can see in the dim light, and the feeling of dread grows as Joseph finishes his story.

“We were pregnant with our first child. We were just babies ourselves, and I was terrified. Of becoming a father, mostly about money. She wasn’t worried. She had faith everything would work out. She always had… faith. Then, one day, she was gonna go visit a friend… there was an accident. The Lord taketh. They rushed me to the hospital and put me in a room with this little pink bundle stuffed with tubes, and they said that I had to be strong, that my little girl was going to live. God was looking out for our daughter.”

No one has ever mentioned another Seed. No one has ever mentioned Joseph having a daughter. Watching the blankness in his eyes makes her stomach roll again, and dread grows heavy inside of her. She grips the bars tighter, leans closer, waits for him to say the words she knows he’s going to say.

“They left me alone in the room with her, and I just… stared at my daughter.” He cuts his eyes back to her when he says daughter and she tightens her grip on the bars to avoid flinching away. Somehow, she’s sure he knows. “So helpless, so innocent. And all she had in the world was me.” His lip trembles and sympathy fights with the Wrath still in Mattie’s heart. “A nobody from nowhere with nothing. In that moment… I knew that God was testing me. He was laying out a path before me, and all I had to do was choose. So I put my hand on my little girl’s head, and I leaned in, and I could smell… And we prayed together. Prayed for wisdom, prayed for strength, and I knew… I heard God’s plan for me. I took my fingers and I put them on that little plastic tube that was taped to her angelic face and I pinched it shut.”

Fuck. Oh, fuck. She’s holding onto the bars so tight her joints ache, her knuckles white. If she could tear his throat out with her bare teeth right now, she would, and damn the consequences. She’ll do it a thousand times and let herself be dragged back to this exact spot a thousand more times before she’d be able to soothe the hate lodged tight in her soul.

Joseph stares back at her like he knows what she’s thinking, like he’s fully privy to the mental pictures swirling faster and faster through her head.

Maybe he is.

“After a while her legs began to kick and kick, and then… nothing. Stillness. Release. The Lord giveth and the Lord… taketh. ” He stands and pulls her with him, and she leans so close to the bars she can smell him. “The pain, the sacrifice, this is all part of His test. We have to prove that we can serve God, no matter what He asks.”

He touches her cheek with his rosary-wrapped hand, and she bares her teeth to him. He smiles like he knows, like he knows what she’s going through. The pain and the sacrifice of giving her life over and over and over until she has nothing left? The pain of seeing her loved ones die over and over and over until she doesn’t even flinch at a grenade that lands between them? The pain of watching the Seeds ruin the first county that’s ever felt like home to her?

She turns with the intention of biting his fingers, but he pulls away before she can, leaving her to gnash her teeth at the empty air around her. She doesn’t look at Staci, doesn’t look away from Joseph and Jacob as she shoves herself as close to the cage bars as she can, pushing one arm through like she’ll be able to haul Joseph back to her so she can gouge his eyes out.

Jacob sees her reaching and just smirks as he winds the music box.

She falls unconscious with a scream.

---

She wakes up sore and bruised and exhausted at the bottom of Devil’s Drop, shattered bodies around her. She doesn’t know if she died on impact like the rest of them only to be pieced back together by whatever has been keeping her alive, but she doesn’t really care.

She doesn’t fucking care anymore.

She radios Sharky, finds out he woke up back in his home in the Henbane, and tells him to meet her back at the Clagett Boathouse. She says if he finds Jess or Boomer to bring them too, and he grumbles about wanting to pick up Hurk, and then he agrees to meet her as soon as he can.

The radio falls silent for several seconds before she brings her shaking hand up to her face.

“I love you, Sharky. Over.”

The line crackles. “I love you, shorty. See ya soon. Over’n’out.”

[passiontaee]

I like you (a latte) | g

pairing: yoongi x jeongguk; yoonkook

genre: slice of life

ratings: g

warnings: none

word count: 1914

summary: “I think the barista might be hitting on me…they drew a heart in my latte foam and gave me a free brownie. Do you think I should give them my number?” AU

a/n: isn’t barista yoongi the best yoongi? breathe if you agree

also i’m working on rewriting this, so stay tuned for the update :)

↬ s.

Jeongguk feels that as a college student, coffee is high on his list of things that he can not live without. Coffee, banana milk, and his best friend Taehyung. In between not getting enough sleep, cramming for exams, and attempting to have a social life, he’s usually in need of caffeine on a daily basis. It’s not healthy, but it makes up for staying in the art studio for hours without taking a break, Taehyung having to bring him food.

“Guk, I’m bailing you out, come on,”

Jeongguk looks up from the piece he’s working on, eyes red and bleary. Barely even alive at this point. He turns his head over to where Taehyung is standing, bouncing a little in excitement. He wishes he had that energy. He's momentarily jealous but rethinks that when he remembers Taehyung is a Pre-Vet major, meaning that his major is far more intense and time-consuming than simply painting and drawing all day. Perhaps he should be grateful he doesn't have to take a shit ton of math and science classes. Taehyung handles it well though.

"Bailing me out?"

"Yeah, we're getting coffee come on," he moves to grab the younger’s arm, gently tugging. Causing him to grumble and whine softly, but he abandons his work reluctantly, beginning to straighten up his area and set his work somewhere safe for later. Making sure his name is at the bottom so no one tries to steal his work. It happened far too many times his freshman year and he was not about to start this entire painting all over again because some dip shit decided to be uncreative and steal his work again. Freshman Jeongguk was so naive. He can’t believe what a pussy he was two years ago. Taehyung’s familiar with the cleaning up process at this point so he helps clean up, even gathering Jeongguk’s bag for him. Taehyung is a true friend, he silently thinks to himself as they make their way out of the room. Side by side with Jeongguk rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“And so Seokjin-hyung and Namjoon-hyung said that I can get a puppy but at long as I actually take care of it,” he explains. Jeongguk’s following sort of, but has heard this conversation before. Taehyung’s older brother Seokjin and his husband Namjoon have practically raised Taehyung together since he was a little kid; Seokjin being ten years older than him and all. Jeongguk’s only known them since high school but in his mind Seokjin has always been Taehyung’s dad for as long as he himself can remember. He doesn’t even think Taehyung remembers his parents, considering they died when he was really young. It kind of makes him cherish his own parents and older brother, despite having literally been on his own since college. He barely keeps in contact with them anyways.

“They finally agreed to let you?” Jeongguk asks, shocked. Taehyung’s head bobs forward as he nods, stopping momentarily to grasp the younger’s shoulders and shake him. Jeongguk is barely bothered by this.

“Yes! You should come pick one with me! Friendly bonding and whatnot, plus you’ve become some type of zombie, Guk. It’s not healthy!” his face contorts in worry as he pouts, but Jeongguk sighs, knowing that Taehyung tells him this multiple times a day.

“I’m fine,” he insists. Is he really though? Taehyung lets him go and links their arms together, stopping in front of a door. Jeongguk looks up at the new place, allowing himself to be dragged inside by the blonde male. A bell rings as they walk inside, and Jeongguk takes a moment to look around the cozy, quaint interior. The soft sounds of indie music playing in the background. It smells like coffee beans and sweets and it’s throwing his nose in overdrive, but it’s a stark difference from smelling paint and turpentine all day. He could get used to this coffee shop’s vibes.

“Hyung’s friend works here. It’s closer to campus, so I don’t see why we’ve never bothered to come in here,” Taehyung continues, pulling Jeongguk with him to stand a little aways from the register, staring at the hand written menu on the chalkboard. Jeongguk swears he’s seen a similar style on Pinterest. (The only reason he’s on Pinterest is because Taehyung likes to harass him with artsy stuff on the regular more than he likes answering his texts. Nice to know he has his priorities together.) As he continues looking over the menu, Taehyung pulls him further, smiling at the barista. Squinting to see his name tag and gasping out loud with recognition.  “Hey! Hey you’re my hyung’s friend!” he says a little too loudly. The small barista looks up at him, confused.

“What?”

“Seokjin! You’re the friend he told me about! I’m his little brother, Taehyung!” He grins, the noise prompting Jeongguk to look down to assess the situation. His eyes landing on the barista and suddenly he’s a bit more alert. Never in his life has he seen someone so pretty; so attractive and small. There’s Jimin, his roommate, but this guy is smaller than Jimin. Not as muscled from the looks of it and very, very soft looking. Jeongguk wants to kiss his little pout away and coo at him. But instead, he stands silently beside Taehyung who’s positively ruining their chances of a you-know-my-hyung discount. He’s tempted to elbow the elder in the ribs, because the tiny pouty man looks a little weirded out.

“He never told me his brother was this loud. There’s people studying, so keep your voice down,” he murmurs. This prompts Taehyung to close his mouth, literally he closes his fucking mouth, and pulls a sigh from Jeongguk. Feeling the need to apologize for his friend’s erratic behavior. The male glances in Jeongguks’s direction, and he notes how his sharp eyes seem to discreetly eyeball him from head to—well, head to waist.

“So what do you want?” He turns his attention back to Taehyung, hands resting calmly on the counter beside the POS system. Taehyung taps at his chin with his free hand, looking up at the menu for a second time.

“I’ll have a iced raspberry tea. Oh! Large please,” he says, attempting to peer over at what Yoongi, as his name tag says, is entering onto the touch screen. The barista pays him no mind.

“And for you?” Jeongguk barely registers the male is talking to him, staring at him for about two minutes before he asks him again.

“Oh! Uh, just a latte,” his cheeks warm as he ducks his head, missing the small smirk on the barista’s lips as he types in their orders.

“He was totally checking you out,” Taehyung grins as they slide over to grab counter seats, close to where he could see Yoongi carefully preparing their drinks. The barista pays them no mind as he does his job. Jeongguk stares at him briefly, then turns his attention back to Taehyung as he scratches at his cheek.

"He probably was wondering where I got my shirt from,"

"Ha ha, no he looked like he was enjoying the sight. Maybe zombie-art-student is his ideal type or something," Taehyung teases, grinning playfully. Jeongguk grabs a straw and throws it at him, causing the older to only laugh more, harder.

“Ask for his number! If you don’t I sure will. He’s so cute, I literally almost uwu’d out loud,”

“What the fuck, never say ‘uwu’ again,” he groans, grimacing at his friend’s word choice. Taehyung feigns offence, but shoves at his arm.

“Yah, be nice to me. I paid for your drink you meanie!”

“Right, sorry. I love you, you’re the best,” This strokes Taehyung’s ego, because he sits up straighter, puffing out his chest playfully. Jeongguk groans and rests his chin on his hand, elbow on the counter. Yoongi appears moments later, sliding their drinks in front of them, along with a brownie for Jeongguk. Taehyung looks over at this, sipping from his cup with a smug look on his face.

“W-wait I didn’t order—”

“Keep it, my treat,” Yoongi insists, smiling at him. Jeongguk looks at him stupidly, preening inside the little pastry bag and seeing that the brownie was warm, gooey, and fresh.

“Oh well, thanks,” he says, a little shy. Yoongi smiles, nodding and walking back over to tend to some other guests. Jeongguk watches, ignoring Taehyung snickers.

“Let me have a piece,” the older insists when Jeongguk’s brain starts functioning properly again, only to have the younger smack his hand away, frowning.

“Nooo, this is my brownie!” He had a cute guy literally give him a free brownie and was not about to share. Taehyung huffs, through his eyes dart down to Jeongguk’s cup. He grins.

“Is that a heart?” he questions. Jeongguk is quick to look down at it and sure enough, it’s a heart. He blushes, looking up and over at Yoongi boredly taking a group order from five girls, looking absolutely miserable. Jeongguk is afraid to ruin Yoongi’s craftsmanship but he needs his caffeine intake so he reluctantly takes a sip. Enjoying the warmth that flows down his throat. He’ll save the brownie for later.

He’s reluctant to leave, really, but Taehyung’s dragging him to the pet store. Insisting they go look for a puppy now rather than later. Jeongguk’s busy trying to shyly ask for a to go order and get the barista’s number.

“Need something?” he asks, though makes no indication that he’s excited Jeongguk is here other than giving him his undivided attention. Jeongguk writes it off as him being attentive to a customer and therefore doing his job.

Yoongi looks at him, blinking slowly as Jeongguk realizes that he’d just stupidly blurted out the wrong question, and figure Yoongi would laugh at his stupidity. He can smell the rejection.

“And a refill right? You look like you’re in a hurry,” Yoongi gently reaches out and grabs the mug, placing it on the counter and turns. Jeongguk just stares a his back as the smaller barista moves to grab a larger to go cup just for him, remaking his drink from memory with care. It’s almost endearing, but then Jeongguk writes this off again as a small fact that Yoongi probably makes a lot of lattes. His is no different. A pale hand grabs a black marker, and the barista scribbles something on the portable, paper cup. Capping it again and setting the pen down, walking over to Jeongguk and handing him the cup with a small smile.

“There. I expect a text later, yeah? And you to come visit again. I guess you can bring Seokjin’s brother with you,” he glances over at Taehyung, who waves, but then looks back at a flabbergasted, pink cheeked Jeongguk who nods, staring at the warm cup in awe.

“I’ll text you,” he says, feeling Taehyung tugging again. He gets pulled outside as Yoongi smiles and offers a small wave, and as he presses his hands into his cup, pulling the cup in to warm his chest, he smiles. Smiles softly as he reads the message on the cup;

I like you (a latte) and you seem pretty cute or whatever. Here’s my number: +xx xx-xxxx-xxxxx. -Yoongi

↬  x.

[ masterlist ] | [ next chapter ]

[oohashirei]

I have to get this out of my system or else i’m gonna regret some things that i might do.

if you’ve been following me for about 2 years you’d notice that i only really talked about two guys: M and my photographer tease. Both of those guys, I ultimately had a sad romantic ending with (and I can’t blame either parties). But… there’s this one guy I never talked about because I’ve been repressing my feelings about him, or the lack of the kilig factor thereof.

Let’s call him L. Like any other typical wattpad story written by a pre-pubescent Filipina (not degrading them though, they ARE adorable, just a bit cliché), it all starts during my first year in college, only I didn’t meet him during the first semester, or have any meet cutes with him on the first day. I met him through a mutual friend.

My friend and I were supposed to enroll in the last section for that semester but they didn’t open it for block students so we didn’t have a choice but to enroll at a random open section (where I met many of the friends I still have now). In the section we really wanted, there was our other friend who enrolled late. So now we have friend 1 (classmate) and friend 2 (not my classmate). Friend 1, 2, and I always went home together because of our long commutes and, because Friend 2 was bound to have other friends, she did, and there was this one guy we went home with because of the same route. It was L.

L wasn’t very shy since my Friend 1 was very talkative and accomodating while I was your typical shy girl who still had really bad social anxiety at the time (now it’s just bad). I didn’t even know what our Friend 2 thought of when, one day, she suddenly just said “Bagay kayong dalawa” (idek how to translate it without ruining the thought. It just basically means that we look compatible as a couple).

It all started with those three words (wow i wanna make a story outta this one. seems nice).

And since I was your typical shy protagonist and main love interest, I had a crush on him but I didn’t tell. It wasn’t that of a big deal for me though, it was just a crush afterall.

It was near the end of the semester when my Friend 1 and I successfully made him shift from English to Math (majors) so now we were all classmates for the following year!

And comes second year, the three of us were like peas in a pod. We didn’t know the other classmates yet so we just stuck to each other. Maybe it was at this point when I slowly got serious with my studies that my crush on him was, like, wiped out. But, like I said earlier, typical wattpad story, it was also by this time when he started developing a crush on me.

I forgot if it was the first or the second semester but my Friend 1 and, our newfound, Friend 3 (also our classmate) confronted him. Friend 3 said that she had a feeling so they talked to him about it and he admitted it. He liked me, but wouldn’t pursue because we were classmates. And I understand completely. It’s difficult to have a classmate who is also your partner (bc imagine the fights).

Word spread like crazy. We were just 21 in the class (major subjects) so it wasn’t a surprise. I talked to my other classmates about this and said “Please don’t let this get out. My friend (from that section that I didn’t want to be in during the past sem) likes L and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” (I applaud 2015 me for being Ms. Congeniality but also I hate 2015 me bc she’s a martyr).

I knew. He knew that I knew. We didn’t talk about it. Worst decision to do, if you ask me.

This was about the time when I started liking M and my classmates asked me, not only once, when the guys weren’t around.

“So, -Name-, sinong pipiliin mo? Si M o si L?” (So, -Name-, who will you choose? M or L?)

I chose M.

Third year rolled around, he got closer to the guys instead of Friends 1 and 3 and I, which was bound to happen. We were all still friends though, don’t worry. We pretended like there wasn’t anything bothering the two of us. We pretended like there wasn’t this whole knowledge that, yes, there’s chemistry, yes we look compatible, yes, at some point, I liked him, and he liked me but at different times.

It was also by this time that he had a girlfriend.

I was shocked at first but it didn’t matter. He can get over crushes. I know I did with him, so it was possible, vice versa.

But he couldn’t, really.

Third year was the year when I got hospitalized for dengue. The doctor said that Wednesday would be my crucial date, when it would be possible to know if I need a transfusion or not if my platelet count dropped lower. It did, only it didn’t reach the minimum for me to need more platelets (I still thank God so much for this chance).

It was about a week or two after when I went back to school and the first thing my friends (1 & 3) told me about wasn’t schoolwork, it was the people who consistently asked. I can still remember my friends’ excited whispers when I got to school, before classes started (i’m actually a bit teary at this because i’ve missed them so much).

“-Name-, alam mo kung sino naka-miss sayo?” (Do you know who missed you?)

“-Name-, alam mo kung sino yung tanong ng tanong tungkol sayo?” (Do you know who keeps on asking about you?)

I didn’t.

They told me.

It was L.

Maybe it was at this point when I realized that his crush on me really dissipated. But it didn’t trun to zero. It turned to something more.

He greeted me when he came (late) to class like he wasn’t looking for me for the past week.

And somehow, he was the only person who has eyes I couldn’t quite read.

We thought it was going to end during this year. Controversy was silenced for the rest of junior year.

We confirmed it during senior year. It was the last chance to do something for us all. I joined council and club as the last legacy to leave.

I remember this was also around the time when my feelings for my photographer tease came to. It was September. I remember awarding our members with their medals. I remember L sitting, playing games on his phone. I remember the cheers of our club members as I gave my photograper tease his award and as we took a picture together. I remember how I felt my cheeks burn, and, if it had not been for the fact that I was dark skinned, I would’ve turned red.

I also remember one of my classmates yelling “Uy, teka, baka may nagseselos!” (Wait, someone might get jealous!).

I remember him shaking his head and telling them that he wasn’t.

That was a rocky time for us. It turned awkward. Maybe because we were slowly having our own separate lovelives instead of together? Maybe it was because it was unbelieveable?

But October rolled in, and we had our team building. By the end of the night, all of the club members were sitting around a table and I, of all people, proposed to play spin the bottle. I coincidentally sat exactly at the opposite seat with L’s close friend (who was also my close friend).

I volunteered to spin the bottle. It landed on me and his close friend. I can never forget that devious smile on his face and I can never forget the moment when I felt all eyes on me.

I was on the hot seat.

And every senior knew what question to ask.

But his close friend asked the wrong question.

“-Name-, who is your crush?”

I told them the truth. It was my photographer tease. They all knew the answer but weren’t satisfied. It wasn’t the question they all wanted.

Friend 3 wanted to ask me again, telling L’s close friend that the question was wrong, but we spun and let the others do it. More confessions were made, many things were said, many hot questions were asked.

By some stroke of bad luck again, it landed on Friend 3 and L. She turned to me, not wanting to ask L a question. Instead, she asked me, loud and clear as the skies that midnight, and all members could hear.

“-Name-, sinong mas pipiliin mo? Si photographer tease o si L?” (Who will you choose? Photographer tease or L?)

I didn’t want to break anyone’s heart. At least not again.

I chose my photographer tease.

They all turned to L who was the only one present.

“Oh, L, sinong pipiliin mo? Girlfriend mo o si -Name-?” (L who will you choose? Your girlfriend or -name-?)

“Well, kung mag-iisip kang logically, girlfriend ko.” (Well if you will think logically, my girlfriend.)

He stopped. He just… stopped. I wanted him to explain more, that he didn’t really like me like that, I’d accept it but… the way he said it. It was like he had no choice.

Later that night, I played with my other friends, including him, truth or dare. We weren’t planning to hide things so we always chose truth. It was the first time that he admitted that he had a crush on me, face to face.

But it didn’t bother us for the fact that we still had one last semester to go.

And on that semester, we interned in the same school, with the same schedule.

Whenever it was Monday, we’d go to class together. We’ll go from the school to the highway, to the university together. When we didn’t have classes, he’d insist on going grocery shopping with me or to go buy school supplies with me. When we were done, he’d bring me to where I would ride (about a 10 minute walk from the school). This was all despite the fact that we could part ways at the school’s gate and call it a day.

This was something I never told my friends. I knew that if I did, talks would arise again and I don’t want to bother their relationship. To hell if he wanted to make sure I was safe when I got home (we left school at 6 and it was dangerous to walk alone so I understand the sentiment).

But the fact is, it feels like we’ve progressed too far for being just friends.

At times my friends would tell me “mag bbreak din yan” (they will break up) and I just shrug. I don’t like breaking relationships, I cherish them. My students back then would ask me “Ma'am, kayo po ba?” (Are you together?) and when we say no they’d say “Sayang. Bagay pa naman po kayo” (It’s a shame, you are compatible together).

Maybe L would never by my the one that got away. Maybe L would just be the line I intersected with.

At some point I liked him, at some point, he liked me, but never at the same time.

To this day, when we’ve both grown professionally it’s nice to see that it’s not that obvious that there is this past talk about us. But there was this one faltering moment when we were walking down a street and a sound of an engine came from behind us and (I was walking nearer to the center and he was by the gutters) I pushed him to the side but not before he could make us switch places like, at that one moment, why did it have to happen?

Why did we have to happen?

[dailyaudiobible]

02/18/2021 DAB Transcript

Leviticus 6:1-7:27, Mark 3:7-30, Psalms 37:1-11, Proverbs 10:3-4

Today is the 18th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today like every day. What a joy. What a privilege that we can come together like this no matter what's going on, no matter where we are, no matter where we are on earth we can step into this different place, this safe peaceful place around the Global Campfire and just be together, knowing we’re not alone, knowing we’re on the same journey and knowing that…that the Father delights in us being on this journey together as we learn, as we grow, as things challenge us to change, which in effect is the essence of what repenting even is, to change, to change your mind,. And, so, we’re doing that a lot, we’re done that a lot already this year. And, so, let's dive in today, take the next step forward. We’re reading from the Common English Bible this week. Leviticus chapter 6 verse 1 through 7 verse 27.

Commentary:

Okay. Let’s look in the book of Mark for a second. Let me just…let me just quote Jesus out of the book of Mark. “A kingdom involved in the civil war will collapse” and “a house torn apart by divisions will collapse.” Like there's a part of me that feels like there's nothing else that needs to be said. A family, whether a national family or an immediate family that is splintered and fractured and divided by feuding is gonna collapse. It’s standalone solid wisdom but why is Jesus even saying this? He’s saying this because the religious people who are trying to be the leaders, the…the spiritual caretakers of the people are spreading false information about Jesus by saying, “He can do what He can do because He's empowered by the devil to do it.” Jesus simply responds basically, “how can…how does that even make any sense? If the devil’s divided against himself then the whole things going to come down, the whole thing will fall apart.” But then He goes on to talk about blaspheming the Holy Spirit. And the thing is, Jesus and the Pharisees and the Sadducees, they’re supposed to be on the same team. Jesus is a rabbi teaching Torah just like they are. Obviously, God is working through Him because He's performing miraculous healings and He is teaching with authority in a way that the people haven’t heard before. They’re supposed to be moving in the same direction, but instead they have gotten the Pharisees, the Sanhedrin, the leaders, the religious leaders of the people have gotten so sideways that the whole thing has become about control. The whole thing is about controlling people's behaviors. And they’ve been looking for reasons to accuse Jesus, but a couple of the reasons are the things that He does on the Sabbath. He breaks the rules in their minds. And, so, He disqualifies himself in their minds. And, so, Jesus is basically like, “yeah. You can curse all kinds of things. You can say…you can spout off your mouth and run it as much as you want but when you curse the Spirit of God, when you blaspheme the Holy Spirit, that doesn't bode well, which is exactly what the religious people are doing. They are calling the Spirit of God within Jesus, they are calling God's Spirit the devil, in part because they're jealous and envious of the way that the crowds are following Jesus and in part because they don't understand what's going on. They don't have eyes to see her ears to hear. And, so, they’re calling a move of God, like not just a move of God, they’re calling God in the flesh who is moving, they’re calling Him Satan, they’re calling Him the devil. This is where He gets His power. It's easy enough to look at that and go, “okay…well…you know…that's Jesus and I would never do anything like that.” But when we curse people…when we call them of the devil because their theology doesn't line up with ours, or their agenda, whether that be political or vocational or just life choices, if those aren’t in agreement with…with us and we start calling things the devil, it's…it's tricky waters because we can do the same thing by calling the Spirit of God within them the devil because we can't stand them, or we don't agree with them or we don't agree with some of the ways that they believe or we don't agree with some of the things that they do or want to do. We have to be particularly careful about people who are…who are brothers and sisters who…who will claim the name of Jesus and then we curse them. A house divided against itself will collapse. And I’m not saying that we’re not observant or that we can't look at the fruit. Like, Jesus says you’ll know by the fruit. But God works in counterintuitive ways and He does not care. He does not care what we think when it comes to do with His will. He’s going to perform His will through whoever He chooses however He chooses whenever He chooses. He is the Almighty God, and we have nothing to say about it. But labeling people as being empowered by evil, by the devil, if they aren’t explicitly claiming that we should be very careful. And the point of all this is that it should bring us to a place of humility. It's important that we guard our own heart and our own mind, that we keep our eyes on our own lives. Are we walking the narrow path that leads to life? If we are then it’s gonna be very difficult for us to throw labels on people, labels that may be cursing the Spirit of God within them.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, the last thing that we want to do is that. It's the last thing that we want to participate in. And, so, we just ask for forgiveness for the things that happen to us that we react to that just have us moving in destructive ways. We need to keep our eyes on our heart. We need to keep our eyes on You. You will lead us into all truth. Nobody else is gonna do that because nobody else can, no matter what news channels we watch. You are the only one that's gonna lead us into all truth. And, so, that's where our focus is, not on making up names and labeling and all of the kinds of stuff that lead us into a house divided. Come Holy Spirit, that we might not be divided inside of ourselves, that we might be wholehearted and give our whole heart to You. The rest isn’t our responsibility. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission that has…that has just been an ongoing thing, this is the 16th year, seven days a week of this mission to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered to anyone who will listen to it anywhere on this planet any time of day or night, and to build community around that rhythm so that we know we’re not in this journey through the Bible or through life alone. If that matters, if that’s life-giving in your life then thank you for being life-giving so that we continue moving forward day by day step-by-step through the Scriptures. Thank you, humbly and profoundly. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning DAB family. I want to just thank God for your lives. May His blessings continue to follow you wherever you go. Also, again thank you so much to the Hardin family for this amazing ministry and those working behind the scenes. It's February the 14th and I just want to just say that I love you all because you are my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I want to read something from first John chapter 4 verse 9 to 13. God showed how much he loved us by sending His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him. This is real love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends since God loved us that much, we surely should ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God, but if we love each other God lives in us and His love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us His Spirit as a proof that we live in Him and He in us. God bless you all. Love you all. Stay blessed and have a blessed week ahead. Take care. Sarah from London.

Hey siblings it's your little sis his little Cherry in Canada and I find myself praying a lot for people who are in chronic pain who are suffering. And tonight, I have been rereading second Corinthians 1 and I just want to pray for the suffering ones from second Corinthians 1 8 through 11. Daddy I want to pray for those who are crushed and overwhelmed beyond their ability to endure, those who think they'll never live through it, those expecting to die, those who don't have any hope left. I pray Daddy that Your plan and Your purpose would be fulfilled, that they would stop relying on themselves and learn to rely only on You who raise the dead. So, I’m praying for resurrection, resurrection of hope, that You would make a way where there seems to be no way, that You would part the sea, that You would make a road in the wilderness, Lord that You would answer their prayers in ways they haven't even considered. Daddy, that You would rescue them from mortal danger and rescue them again and continue to rescue them, that their confidence would be in You and that all those who would…who are praying for them would give thanks to You for graciously answering so many prayers. So, Lord I add my prayers for those who are suffering.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Renzo from Maryland. I just heard somebody called in on February 13th about just struggling with forgiveness and her name was Diana. And I just want to really like just pray that that can just go against that, we can just go against that spirit because that's something that I struggle with myself. There was a time in my life where I struggled with an addiction to pornography and I got freed from it but then right after the same…like right after that season was over and God just gave me His everlasting love and He just helped me not struggle with that anymore I struggled with unforgiveness toward the people that made me fall into that and influenced me. And it got so bad where I didn't even want to be in my own neighborhood, I didn't want to be in my own area. It was really really bad. But I just want to pray that we can go against that because just like you said even…even Jesus forgave Judas Iscariot. And let's just pray. Father God I just thank You for everything You bless us with Lord. And just please just help us to get closer and closer to You Lord and I just please pray for Diana that she just please just You help her with her unforgiveness Lord and whatever she's going through God just please help her to get closer and closer to You Lord and we love You and we thank You Jesus for everything You do and thank for dying on the cross in Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Hey Daily Audio Bible family this is John calling from Bethlehem it's been a few weeks I feel like at least anyway since I called in but I just wanted to say hi and let you guys know that the Corrado’s are doing well here in Pennsylvania. We’re thinking of and praying of so many of you. I just wanted you to…to know that. And also, I just wanted to mention today as I got through listening to the 15th of February's program and started to do the transcripts, just the very tail end of Exodus is just something that blows my mind. When we hear about God and His dwelling place and His presence filling the dwelling. It just reminded me so much of…well…here's the scripture, right? The Lord's cloud stayed over the dwelling during the day with lightning in it at night clearly visible to the whole household of Israel at every stage of the journey. And to me when I heard that, in so many…in so many aspects of Exodus really and all the work that we're seeing go into the tent, the Tabernacle - God's presence staying over the dwelling I just relayed that or related that to God's presence in our own dwelling during the day with lightning at night like gods lightning power to heal us in the evening as we rest clearly visible to the whole household of Israel every stage of the journey us being light in the world for everyone to see. And Lord Jesus right now I just thank You so much for the opportunity to be able to be in Your word and as we as we seek You that You are always there for us Father God that You found us first and we just thank You for that and then we thank You for Your word and how it brings to light so much of Your goodness in Your grace and mercy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I pray everyone who is connected on social media that they will have discernment Lord. I pray that…that technology will not rule the lives of…of Your people, that they will that people will not be deceived, will be able to just connect themselves from that and seek You and be productive in their lives in a more personal here and now in the moment way I just pray that You will intervene and that You will break the addictions around technology Lord. In Jesus’ name.

[the-seventhmoon]

Dear Lord,

I know I don’t talk to you often but I also know that You know that You’re in my heart; You’re the driver of my life. I have lifted everything up to You. It may be late but it was all worth it. You were always there for me especially when I felt so alone in life. Back then, my prayers were “Okay lang ako, Lord. Wag mo na ako intindihin. Unahin mo na sila.” and then I realized You’re a jealous God - You want to feel needed so now, You’re everything I need Lord. Thank you for saving me. I remember back in college, the cross was here in our place and it was one of the my darkest nights. I felt so alone and completely lost with life. My relationship with You wasn’t like this pa. During that sad night when I couldn’t take it anymore I went out of my room and went to our sala where the cross was. Immediately when I saw the cross, I burst into tears. I don’t really remember what I prayed that night but I remembered crying heavily. My arms on the table and my knees on the floor. Ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko noon. I could still remember the feeling even up to now and whenever that cross visits here that’s all I can think about - that one sad night. It may be bad but it was like I have no one else to turn to but You.  Gumaan pakiramdam ko noon. Ofcourse there’s still the sad feeling but I felt like something was lifted off of me that night. I’m sorry Lord kung hindi ako madalas lumapit Sayo even up to now. Alam Niyo naman po ako, pa-strong. You’re all I have Lord whenever those sad nights strike until someone came into my life. Si Mark. You lend me Mark and I was super thankful po. I had someone whom I can share all my worries, sadness and what not. I was comfy enough to be myself with him and I don’t get to do that with a lot of people. In a way, Mark was my saving grace. I could just call him and cry and everything feels better. He would just listen to me pag humahagulgol ako and to be honest, knowing the fact that he’s there calms me down. I am not alone anymore. Nandyan na si Mark. It went on for seven years. Even though he’s asleep I would bombard him with my messages filled with frustrations and sometimes I think “Hindi kaya masisira umaga nito? Ang heavy ng mga sinasabi ko.” but he did not mind it at all. He would wake up and tell me he loves me. He would pretend na walang nangyari ‘cause he knows I don’t like talking about it. He waits for me to open up and gaddam Lord he fills my heart. Ugh Lord. Sometimes I miss him. But as I’ve said, on loan lang pala siya. He was not meant for me. He was meant to stay lang all throughout my college years - nothing more, nothing less. He didn’t even get to see me wearing my toga. I know he would have been proud. Yung babaeng tinyaga niyang pakinggan ung frustrations and all finally graduate na. I somehow fulfilled our dream - to graduate in Mapua. At least I did that. I speak very fondly of Mark not because I still love him but he is one of the greatest gift and lesson and for that Lord, maraming salamat. At least I get to experience that kind of love. The time I cried heavily in front of the cross I think was after Mark and I broke up. Nawala po kasi yung anchor ko. He was my balance and nung nawala siya, nawala na ung order. I don’t know how to explain it Lord. After him, no one came close. I had relationships, yes but it was different Lord. May kulang. I tried to convince myself that this is what I want but in reality, nacocompare ko sometimes. I can’t remember if I’ve cried in front of Ten. I did but because it was emotionally draining. With Kiko, I think I forced myself to cry just to feel human. It was nice but it didn’t felt right. With Ryan, I didn’t even cry to him when my tita passed away. Supposedly, he should be the one who I wanna hug. When the incident in my room happened, I forced myself to cry but I can’t really feel a thing. I can’t cry in front of people anymore - actually I don’t really cry in front of anyone lol. I’m not comfy enough. But it made me think, si Mark lang talaga. Hay.

You may be wondering why I’m writing or talking to you like this again. Lord, I’m in pain. When I started writing this I actually don’t know what to say. “Kaya mo na ba this early mag sulat?” is what I asked myself. You know that aside from talking to You, my outlet is writing. I turn my feelings into words. And now, I’m doing it again. As I’ve said Lord, I’m in pain. I have been fooled. Ang sakit, Lord. Gusto ko ng isang mahigpit na yakap, Lord. Take it all away I don’t want it po. I never wanted this.

Hindi ko pa siya nakwekwento Sainyo, Lord. His name is Jasy. It’s actually Jussy but I liked Jasy better, feels like ako lang may ganun tawag sakanya nun even though it’s the same pronunciation. He’s amazing, Lord. He really is. I mean I wouldn’t get all emotional like this for an ‘okay’ guy, right? He’s a civil engineer and he lives in his own world where everything is perfect. He made me comfy with my body and encourages me to express myself. He listens to me although he cuts me mid-sentence cos maybe he gets excited with my stories and I love it when I cut him off too, “Ako pa diba? Di pa ko tapos.” and his face would turn into this cute little thing na parang he got scolded by his mother. He’s such a cuddly bear. He’s older than me; older than most guys I’ve dated. He acts like a child and my oh my do I love taking care of him. “You ate na? Drank water? Smoked ilan na?” Those are my 3 magical questions and he never misses to fail one of those. He forgot to eat, he drank just one glass tapos pagabi na, smoked more than usual and such. Even so, I love him. I think I will never get tired of those questions and I will never get tired of reminding him. I love him, Lord. I still do and right now my heart aches ‘cause I can never be with him. I can never really call him my own - he was never mine, Lord. You see, he has a partner po. You see Lord why we can’t be together? Yeah, I got fooled. But you know what Lord? I’m not mad. For that, thank You. You have given me a sufficient amount of understanding so I wouldn’t have any resentment in my heart, maraming salamat. But that doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. I saw something in him Lord. In my head, itong lalaking to is not your usual gwapo guy (for me he is though) but he has a lot more to offer. He’s smart, malambing, sweet, may plano sa buhay, has a good heart, good conversationalist and whenever I’m with him I feel safe. He is everything I’ve ever wanted Lord. And alam Niyo pa po? My sad nights were gone cos of him. He brought back something in me. He gave me happines, no, he was my happiness.  After Mark, the sad nights returned as predicted. You know me, I don’t normally open to anyone. But with this guy, walls down. Those simple video calls before going to sleep was the most precious thing ever Lord. Someone’s giving me their time and my heart is full. May nagbibigay sakin ng time, Lord. Biruin mo yun? Dati ako lang Lord. Dati tayong dalawa lang. Minsan nakakalimutan ko pa ngang nandyan Ikaw eh. Those sad nights were gone. Somehow, I think it was because of him. He took care of me in his own little ways and those little things had a huge impact in my heart. I fell inlove. It was a wonderful infinity. An infinity that I wouldn’t regret happening ‘cos I was happy, Lord. For the first time in a long long time, I felt like everything has aligned - everything was in favor of me. That what I have right now is perfect. I have a good job, the salary isn’t that bad, I have a nice home, I have my own space, no one in the family has been affected by the pandemic, I have trustworthy friends whom I can call whenever I’m down, and I have him. I’m sorry but tangina Lord wala na akong hihingin pa. It was like the way I look at the moon changed. Before I look at it because I’m sad but now I look at it because I’m happy. Even though he is leaving for another country, I felt like I can convince him to talk to me still. I wanted to be with him. In all of my imaginations, it’s me bumping into him after 1-2 years. I’m still single and so is he. We would then reunite and the rest is history. Kaso I don’t think that would happen. A few days ago, I found out he has a girlfriend. The guy I fell inlove with has a girl na pala. I was oblivious to everything. Ofcourse, I had a hunch but I did not really expect it to be true - I want it not to be true. Lord, You know I love being right but this is the only time na sana mali ako. Mabilis rin akong makaramdam and sana sana hindi nalang. Magaling ako sa mga bagay if I put my mind into it and sana hindi nalang ako nag pursue hanapin. I could just live in the moment. I can just act dumb. Grabe Lord ang sakit po pala. Ang sakit maging tama. Ang hirap maging tama. Ang bigat maging tama. Ayoko nalang maging tama. For the sake of being right, nasaktan ako nang sobra. I stopped immediately. I don’t want to but I have to. I miss him, I really do. I miss looking at him. I miss him sleeping on my chest. I miss his arms and legs wrapped around my body. I miss hugging him. I miss how it felt so right being with him. It was like nothing else matters. All the worries are gone, the world does not matter when I’m with him. I wanted to stop time. I want to stay in that moment forever pero may mga bagay talagang hindi para sayo kahit anong pilit mo. Kahit anong dasal mo. Kahit sobrang sakit na ng puso mo just to make it happen - kung hindi para sayo, hindi talaga para sayo. Yung pakiramdam na para kang nasa alapaap tapos biglang dumilim. Hindi ako takot sa dilim pero nung nalaman kong sa dilim na yun ay wala na pala siya - nawalan ako ng lakas. That’s when I knew he was all that matters to me. He is the sole provider of my strength. You gave him to me to support me, Lord. To lift me up and encourage me with life. Maybe You saw me crying one night and thought, “Siguro nakalimutan na niya yung pakiramdam nang may karamay. Nakalimutan na niyang may tao pa palang pwede siyang matakbuhan. Na hindi pala siya nag iisa. Siguro kailangan niya si Jasy at itong si Jasy kailangan rin siya para maramdaman naman rin niya kung paano ang pakiramdam to be taken care of. Baka kasi nakalimutan na nila ung mga ganung pakiramdam sa buhay. Natoughen up ko na sila pareho kaya siguro they deserve to smile for a little while.” You looked down on us and decided we needed each other and You were right. You’re always right, Lord. Kaso shortlived. 

Sometimes I want to ask why. Why did you let this happen? What lesson would I gain from this? Am I not strong enough for You, My Lord, that I have to undergo another hardship? Another trial? Haven’t I had enough? Don’t I deserve to be happy? And of all people, why me? Why me. I am somewhere in between losing interest with people and wanting to be loved and cared for and yet here I am questioning the purpose of all of it - mukang on the verge of not wanting to be involve with someone.

Lord, I know You have plans for me but for once why? This kind of pain isn’t the same pain I’ve experienced before. Siguro nga iba iba ang sakit na dulot ng iba’t ibang tao dahil iba iba rin ung saya at pagmamahal na nabigay ko at nila sakin. Iba iba ang impact ng tao sa atin kaya iba iba ung nararamdaman natin para sakanila. Hindi ko po masabing ito na ang pinaka masakit na nangyari sakin. This is not comparable to the pain I’ve previously felt but I must admit na it hurts like hell. Ang tagal ko nang sinusulat to when normally I finish something in one sitting. My heart just couldn’t take it. I started writing this the day after the incident and yes, it was really too soon to be writing. Nandun na lahat ng emotions and my chest was really heavy - even up to now - but after 4 straight days of crying and pretending I’m okay I’m finally can say na I’m coping. I may not be entirely okay with the situation but I’m moving forward. I choose to move forward. Gusto ko pa Lord, yes, alam ko You’re in heaven naka faceplam because of how stupid it sounds but gusto ko pa sana. Wala eh, I love him. I was talking to Lyle and I told him what I wanted - a one last hurrah. Maybe an overnight or a 3 day stay in some place and we can pretend nothing’s going on. After that, wala na. He told me that it’s up to me. He knows I hate cheating (even though I did that myself) so he said it’s only a matter of decision for me between my feelings and my morals. At this point, I think I’m choosing my morals. Ayoko magsalita ng tapos, Lord, pero sana hindi na mabago ung decision ko. Mahirap ung withdrawing sa isang bagay na kinasanayan mo na. It may be shortlived but it meant a lot to me to be with someone like that - someone who took his time just to talk to me. Someone whom I felt safe. Someone na akala ko pag bumalik dito sa Pinas ay magkakaroon ng way para magkita kami at start again where we left off. Ganun lahat ng imagination ko noon. Magkikita kami somewhere unexpectedly, nakuha ko na lahat ng gusto ko - alapit na matapos yung debts ni mama, I have my own place na, I am at a position at work na I can really be proud of and sasabihin ko sakanya yun with a proud look at my face because he is one of the reason bakit ako nagpursige. It’s because someone believed in me. Someone told me I can. Someone made me feel that I can do great things. (Fuck, di ako pwedeng umiyak may charcoal mask ako sa muka. Haha. Kaya control the emotion muna Steph. Tiis ganda muna.) So ayun, we would date again and lived happily ever after. Pero again, sinampal nanaman ako ng realidad. Okay lang, this isn’t the first time I was slapped in the face with reality. I just thought this time it would me my time. I guess it was too good to be true.

Lord, heal me. You made me into this strong woman and I am very very much grateful. Sometimes, I wonder “saan ko kinukuha tong lakas ng loob na to”. It all comes from You but You know what Lord? I feel alone with this strength. I know I have You but sometimes I feel lonely. Idk what to make out of this or why I’m saying this but I really do at times. I just stand up straight and tell myself na hindi, hindi ito yung mag papabagsak sakin. He’s just a guy. Madaming guys out there who would still treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Right now, I may only want him but I’m sure as time pass by this thoughts and feelings would be long gone. I just hope the withdrawal and healing process won’t take that long. When the time comes that I come across the guy that is really for me, I hope I’m not too blind and scarred for him. I hope my walls wouldn’t be that high. I hope I welcome him with all of me. I hope I won’t have doubts because of what happened. I hope I’m whole. And if I’m not, my Lord, I hope you gave him the patience and understanding to wait for me. I hope he doesn’t give up that easily because I know I won’t with him. I was watching “That Thing Called Tadhana” last night and there was a line there

“Makakarecover pa ba ako?”

“Makakarecover ka.”

“Sure na sure ka dyan ah.”

“Alam mo kasi... ang pagmamahal na ganyan, yung love na pinapakita mo kung gaano ka ka-overwhelming parang impossibleng walang puntahan yan. Mababalik na mababalik din yun sayo. Not necessarily sa taong pinagbibigyan mo pero sigurado ako babalik sayo yan.”

And I can’t wait, Lord. I know it will be amazing because it’s Your plan but for now I will have to endure muna. Idk exactly the purpose or the lesson yet pero I trust You. It could still be Jasy or maybe Mark or a person I haven’t met yet but I know na this person is going to be amazing.

Lord, yakapin mo ako every night. I will smile until it no longer hurts. I will smile for myself and for the person who is really for me para when the time comes na makikilala ko na siya, buo ako. I’ve endured everything and is ready for the kind of love he will be giving me.

Maraming salamat Lord for listening. Truly you’re amazing. Hanggang dito muna ako. I’m not sure if this will be the last time I will be writing to You or about this but know for You na You have all of me. I trust and believe in You.

To enduring until it no longer hurts. :)

Goodnight.

[artsyramblingroses]

Ultra Moon Thoughts!!! (Part 1)

Since I did the same for Pokemon Moon, I thought I’d do the same for Ultra Moon! And I’m right on time since the game came to me a day after the main release! Spoilers and bad language ahead. And because this game has so many changes and I have so many thoughts, I’m gonna split this into two posts.

So everything seems the same so far! Well, except for my trainer, and the two incredibly pale people chasing down Lillie- wait

Honestly, I like my character outfit and room in this version. I’d really want those curtains and the Jigglypuff rug as a kid.

Holy shit, everything looks so much more alive with all the pokemon around.

 Aww, the starters defended me, I love them. I don’t care if its bad gameplay, I need to keep my Rowlet tiny. Welcome to the team, Lief Erikson! Now if only I could take you out of your ball so you could follow me.

Damn, the Spearows are attacking us this time? What did Nebby ever do to them? A lot has changed so far, the player character is more expressive, we fought a Spearow, also Tapu Koko just 1 hit KO’ed those other Spearows.

Ok, I don’t like the new people, Especially the dude. Fuck him, you’re probably jealous that you can’t join in the festival because everyone would laugh at your stupid mustache.

Now I’m worried what Lusamine is gonna be like, I really don’t wanna watch her be a bitch to her kids twice in a row.

First trial was a breeze, Leif Ericson can really handle things. I kinda wanna save for a Mimikyu again and a Vulpix, but the rest I want to be Ultra Beasts

And Oh god, they’ve noticed me for real. Phyco and Soliera. This is as awkward as getting pulled by a vendor to a random booth you don’t wanna see and being unable to decline out of politeness.

So far, a couple things have changed, but I worry about how similar the plot will be, at least, I think that Aether Paradise’s second visit will be the big plot shifting event.

NOOO. I COULDN’T STOP LEIF ERICSON FROM EVOLVING. MY BABY.

Ok, real talk, the Janitor in the mall is my least favorite NPC ever and why does he have to bring in the real fear that you smell like shit out in public and you’re unable to go and shower.

I really hope I don’t meet the Janitor again. 

Ok, so I spent a lot of time away from my computer while playing, but this game has some charming ass moments in it that are well hidden, I was spoiled on two, but because I battled some woman’s dad, she and her boyfriend got a marriage license, which I’m sure they could have done without me, but well done! You two go and be married!

I’ve spent a chunk of time combing Melemele and Akala islands for sidequests and secret stuff. Time well spent.

I found A FEMALE EEVEEE FIRST TRY. And now I have a Sylveon, named Fleur. She, Leif Ericson and I will go far.

SO, with a LOT of persistence and grinding, mostly grinding, I beat Kiawe’s trial. Its mostly my fault since i have a stricter idea of the Pokemon Team I want, give or take a few mons, but with the help of the Radicate I got from getting the totem stickers, I did well. Also I fought like, two female Sandalits. I am surprised with how well my luck is at finding rare female Pokemon.

I just realized that since I got Ultra Moon, I can’t get the Alolan Vulpix. TT_TT Maybe I can trade for one in game?

Why the hell does a Pyukumuku’s innards look like a hand?! I am briefly put off from getting one... But I eventually didn’t keep the one I got because it does not have a great skill set.

So I need to seriously re-evaluate what types of mons I want on my team.

Lusamine encounter finally came. She felt a smidge more sane. but I really wanna see more of how she is compared to her anime version. She needs a little work, but she’s trying to be a better mom far more than Moon. And she does something there that hopefully this incarnation will do, protect and care for her kids. Granted the plot was shifted to make Faba the villain (which may be the case here too, judging from Rotom and the promotional posters. They do NOT want me to like him.)

Also, having Rotom occasionally pitch in with questions and conversation about the plot is nice. He feels more alive.

I ended up getting a Carbink. As I doubt I’ll play X or Y any time soon, (interest died), I decided that it was ok if I used Kalos mons on my team. 

 I like Sophocles new trial, not that the old one was bad, I kind of liked how it felt like a horror game with this monster creeping towards you in the darkness. I wonder… What will Acerola’s trial be like now?

Ok, the last part of the puzzle was not clear enough and I spent way more time on it than I should have.

I noticed in Guzma’s theme, I could hear a brief leitmotif of the Aether Paradise theme, very nice musical foreshadowing, especially if you didn’t already know the twist.

Now, Where are Phyco and Soleria?  It’s been forever since I’ve seen them.

Is there anything we can do about the Stuffel in the guest room? I’d gladly adopt it if it meant only one Ultra Beast on my team. 

Oh Jeez, knowing that Lillie’s gonna get kidnapped and not being able to stop it is horrid. 

WHAT. WHY WAS A GHOST PRETENDING TO BE ACEROLA. DID THAT HAPPEN IN THE PREVIOUS GAME? WHY DID THE MIMIKYU SPEAK

Ok, but this goddamn Mimikyu fight gave me much more trouble than I thought. But i eventually beat it (after three tries) and got to use a Z move TWICE to take it and Banette out because Rotom is awesome and so is Leif Ericson. AND THE FIRST MON THAT I CAME ACROSS WHEN I WENT BACK IN WAS A MIMIKYU! Welcome to the team, Paletta! 

And now I have 4 Pokemon on my team! Because back when it was just Fleur and Leif Ericsson, things were significantly more difficult.

Ugh, do I really have to go to Po Town again? I’m getting really tired of not seeing new stuff. Being in Ultra Space better take up the other half of the game.

I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m going to be disappointed. Or I’m just annoyed because so far, aside from Phyco and Soliera, not enough UB related stuff has happened to sate my appetite. I bought this game because Ultra Space is a cool concept in general, and I’d hate the thought of having to wait until close to the end of the main game before I get a chance to explore this fantastical place, because it would feel like I just replayed Moon with a few changes. I paid for a different game, an epic looking game.

Uh… Who is the kimono dude. Was he here before?

Why is Faba in the Red field, also woah dude, just insult me to my face why don’t you? Children may not be as knowledgable as adults are about fucking alternate dimensions, but they have good hearing. And also children are smart, you’re the worst type of person, Faba.

So far Po Town is the same as I remember, and it could be my imagination, but it feels like the lights came back after I first used the Pokecenter.

Ok, Guzma makes me sad, beneath his threats lies a lot of what he must have endured, dude is messed up, but with a father like the one he had, I can’t really blame him.

Ok, this trip was entirely worth it for the little scene that played when I sat in Guzma’s chair. Also I’m stealing a Buginum Z.

Damn it Nanu, Let me heal my team before you try to battle me. They already took quite a beating from Gladion.

Time to put the Roto Prize Money to good use… Damn, I couldn’t get Faba with the Roto Prize Money

Also why does this weird fuck have a Hypno?

Ah, Wicke, always a lovely ray of sunshine. She’s literally a saint.

$44,496 from Faba and his goon. Lovely. Can’t wait to see what I can scam off of Lusamine. >:D

GLADION MY SON, WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ALONE AND LONELY”. I’M ADOPTING YOU AND LILLIE SO FAST AFTER THIS.

Soliera, please understand, I must see my daughter be safe, that’s way more important than battling your Poison beast for the 15th time.

What…. Lusamine thanked Lillie for keeping Cosmog safe? I mean, she was still nasty but...

Uh, even if she’s pissed at her kids… I guess its good she wants to protect them from Necrozma even though she’s still disowned them? What? What is she doing?

Woah… this is, different. She’s better than her Moon counterpart, but still has a way to go to get to anime mom levels. I mean, anime mom has her parenting issues but its clear that she’s the most sane and healthy of the three.

Dang, now I feel less evilly happy using the Roto Prize Money, I’m… conflicted, I mean, she doesn’t want to outright kill her kids this time, which is a step up.

I mean, she still is emotionally abusive, but she cared enough about Lillie’s concerns to battle me, granted that was to keep her quiet and she’s still gonna try and kill Nebby which is pretty damn bad…

$67000 something in prize money, it feels…. wrong

Oh my god, Gladion doesn’t want to lose his other parent to the Wormhole. SHIT, these two. I want to find them a nice dark room that they can just lay in for a while and not have to deal with the world.

 Wait, what about the scene where Lusamine is with Guzma telling the kids to run? Will we come back here for a third time?

*Dang Phyco, that’s not the sort of question I’d expect you to ask about Lusamine.

Well, The Second Aether visit was a game changer, not in the way I expected, but hey, any change is a good one. And who knows, there’s still stuff that’s missing, so I guess I just have to keep playing to find it. I’m honestly pumped to finish the story mode now!