#i want multiple chapters too so dont get too carried away

[rossellini-tyrell]

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

Ch. 6 - Set Me On A Silver Sun (for i know that i'm free) I

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Word Count: 4,458

Warnings:

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING

This chapter contains references to the events of Chapter 1, multiple fairly graphic descriptions of periods (yes, those periods) and some non-sexual nudity + bathing and washing on the reader's part. THERE IS NO SMUT OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. I put reader through a lot of things this chapter, but it's all okay, because Pav makes everything better - where there's hurt here, there's always comfort. However, if these are triggering topics for you, be warned! Pairing: Pavitr x F!Reader also found on AO3 and Wattpad.

"Any updates on that guy Spider-Man beat up? That guy at the night club?" a man asks. Pavitr hides out of sight, listening in on the discussion taking place in the prosecutor's office. "He accepted the plea deal. Turns out the building next door had a surveillance camera that caught the entire thing, an anonymous tip sent in the footage. There was no arguing out of that," the prosecutor explained. Pavitr had sent in that tape himself, having gone back to scout around the scene and lucked into that camera. A little bit of sweet-talking was all that was needed to ply the camera's owner into surreptitiously letting him take a peek at the feed from the night before. They were more than happy to let him have a copy of his own with just a few honeyed words. "Ah, well I guess he won't be wasting our time then, not to mention putting that poor girl through a trial," the man muses. The prosecutor shuffles her papers on her desk, clearly getting ready to leave for the day. "The sentencing hearing was set for a month out. I had Victim's Services call her yesterday to let her know. At least this should give her some relief," she replies. Pavitr slips into the night, not bothering with the rest of the conversation. It's already so late, you're probably asleep by now and he's got a hungry kitten at home to feed that's growing bigger by the day. He resolves to bring it up with you in the morning, over a nice breakfast while curled up on the couch. For now, he slips back inside his unit, strips the suit off and slides on a well-loved tee with the Kochi Tuskers logo on the front, fading away after many washes and ill-advised overuse of fabric softener. Sheru mewls a greeting from where he's perched on the foot of Pavitr's bed. "Hey there, buddy, didja miss me?" he chatters to the kitten, reaching over to give him a scritch behind the ears that is rewarded by an arch into the touch, just the way he likes it. His body condition is filling out nicely, no longer the emaciated little wisp he used to be.

Sheru purrs a little mrrow, contented.

"I missed you too, bitty fidget," he says, lifting the kitten up to kiss on his adorable pink nose. "You're so cute I could eat you up." The golden kitten squirms in Pavitr's hold. "Speaking of eating, lets get your dinner out, I've made you wait long enough for me," he says, and he carries Sheru into the kitchen to set out his well-overdue food.

---- He feels it before he hears it. drip, drip, drip it goes, from his ceiling into his dreams. The tendrils of hurts hurts hurts wind around his wrists where the web should be. The sky above him is a sickly purple, shattering above him into endless splinters when— luh-luh-LEAVE ME ALONE I D-D-DON'T WANT TO The tendrils pull and he follows, shooting up stock still in his bed. Pavitr's breathing comes in heavy, ponderous breaths, his sense is screaming at him and he's overcome by— pavitr spiderman help me please dont make me please help help help pav please dont let him Sheru urgently chirps at him from where he's tucked against his knee, as if to say go, help her.

His heart hurts hurts hurts because you're in pain and now he's in pain and he wants to do nothing more than help, but he remembers that this time, he can. He ignores the drip, drip, and grabs the bangles and says to hell with the rest of it, he lets your screaming take him up, up, up, surrenders to the pull you have on him to navigate him silently through your bedroom window, the one you've started to leave unlocked for him. Like an arc of lightning, he's there at your bedside, to where he finds you thrashing in your tangle of bedsheets. Pavitr's only seen you after, but never during like this, there's just so much hurt and pain and he hurts— pav i love you puh-puh-please dont leave

"Oh, ahava, I have you now, I'm here" he breathes emphatically, gathers you up into his tight hold while he sits on the edge of your bed. He vigorously rubs your back, plants his lips firmly to the crown of your head over and over to bring you gently, quickly into the waking world with him. Your flailing ceases, your cries fizzling out into unintelligible blubbering, eyes flickering open to a blurry scene.

"Hey there, dove. Hey. Hey, it's okay, you're safe, you were having a nightmare, okay? It's all over. You're okay, you're okay, you're safe in your bed with me," Pavitr soothes into your ear. He senses you shifting in his hold, as if you wanted to press yourself impossibly closer, to melt into him. Your crying gets louder, now fully awake and completely frightened. "Hey, come here, come here, hold me, it's okay, I'm right here, sweet girl," he tenderly instructs, making room for you to wrap your arms around him fully, let him bracket your hips between his knees. "It's okay, you're safe. C'mere, I have you, Pavu's here," he pours comfort from his lips, like warm milk with honey. You grab on and hold, scramble for purchase on his t-shirt as if the tendrils of hurts hurts hurts would pull you down into the next world if you didn't. High, breathy sobs are muffled by the fabric on his shoulder, the clean laundry soap smell and his own scent beneath it are grounding. Pavitr drags out slow, firm circles against your back, the fabric of your pajama top damp with sweat. "It's okay, it's okay, my precious girl, Pavu's gotcha. C'mere, my darling, it's okay, shhhh, it's alright, darling, I'm right here, right here," he cooes to you, trying to calm your heaving respiration with the pressure of his hand against your back. "Breathe, darling, breathe, it's okay, oh my sweet baby girl, shhhh..." More squishy kisses are dotted along your sweaty hairline. You let your head loll to one side, let it rest in the hollow of his throat. You start to settle in his embrace, your head feels so heavy. "That's my sonu, that's my darling girl, there's a love, shhhh..." he praises, the words tender and sweet in your ear. Pavitr trails his kisses to the skin of your forehead, becoming alarmed at the heat he feels against his lips. "You have a fever, sweet girl," he murmurs, the hand on your back coming up now to brush your hair back. "He-head h-hurts," you stammer. Pavitr clicks his tongue, presses a long kiss to your temple.

"Oh, my poor ahava, looks like you've picked up a cold," he tuts.  "No wonder that nightmare was so—" and that's when he sees it. He catches a glimpse of the sheets bunched around your legs. In the low light of the room, he makes out a dark splotch, extending to the insides of your thighs where your pajama bottoms cover them. His heart breaks, crumbles in his chest, because all of this could not have come at a worse time for you. "Pav, what are you—ohmygod, nonononono," you whine, embarrassment taking hold of you quickly. Everything burns, your breath is coming quick and stuttered, fresh tears pool along your waterline. You try, and fail to push yourself out of Pavitr's hold, but he doesn't allow it for a second. "Hey, hey, (You), hey. Hey," Pavitr croons in your ear, a stern edge to his voice. "Don't look at that, look at me," he orders, one hand moving to guide your face towards his. "B-but there's—you saw," you protest.

"Oh, dove, c'mere," he commands in the softest of voices. Your boyfriend tugs you even closer, melding you against his chest. He peppers kisses upon your knitted, sweaty brow. The affection drowns out the utter disgust you feel right now with yourself. "Don't cry, darling, everything's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he assures, gives your back a steady rub for good measure while resting his chin atop your head. "Can't, it h-hurts, and I'm so gross, I'm s-sorry—" your voice devolves into a high whine. "Hey, hey, hey, none of that, sweet girl, none of that," he gently, firmly ends your protests. He smudges a kiss against your chapped lips to make sure you get the message. "Let me fix it? Gonna take such good care of you, yeah?" "Y-yeah," you acquiesce, between snuffles into Pavitr's shirt. "Okay, sonu, you stay right here, I'm just gonna grab a couple things and I will make it all better, okay?" he says, waits for your nod of assent. He kisses your nose when you do, leaps from the bed to rummage around in what he knows is your underwear drawer. He nabs a few of your darker pairs, and a couple sports bras too, then spots a couple of spare laundry bags to stuff them in. He then gets to work stripping the bed, wrestles the ruined flat sheet into the other bag. Thankfully, no sign of damage to the mattress, a small comfort. Once he has everything, he returns to your shivering, whimpering form. "Okay, okay, I'm here now, Pav's here," he reassures, brushing his nose against yours. "Pav is going to take care of you now, you just relax and let me do all the work, yeah?" "Yeah," you breathe, all cried out. "There's my girl," he purrs, it's so fond and milky-sweet you're not sure you deserve it right now, nor the way he cups your flushed, fever-warm cheek. Pavitr wraps your legs up in the flat sheet tangled around you, the discolored areas covered up. He slings the laundry bags over one shoulder and lifts you into a bridal carry like it's nothing. He hops out onto the fire escape, casts a web out to slowly lower you both down to his unit. "Almost there, dove, just need you to put your arms around my neck and I'll get you sorted, I promise," he coos. You comply, using the little strength you have left to do so. Your boyfriend carefully rappels you both until you reach his fire escape, and he bundles you into his apartment, cheers a we're home, my darling into your ear. From there, he carries you straight to his bathroom. It's much like yours, expect his unit comes equipped with a bathtub, a feature yours lacks. Pavitr turns on as few lights as necessary and sets you down on the toilet lid. He efficiently roots through his medicine cabinet, finds the cold medicine and painkillers and sorts them, with a glass of water.

"For the pain, ahava," he explains. He passes caplets for you to take, you choke them down, and he helps you sip the water to chase it down, you sputter on it anyway as a cough wracks your body. "My brave girl," he praises, rewarding you with a back rub for your efforts. Your vision is hazy from the remnants of the nightmare, but you meet his eyes through the fog. Sleep is weighing heavy on you and you start to go adrift with it. "Tired..." you bubble out, your chest crispy, frothy on the inhale. "I bet you are, sweet girl, you can sleep so soon," he promises, stopping to wipe some sweat-matted hair from your forehead. "Gonna run you a nice bath, put you in some new clothes, and I'll tuck you into bed with me, doesn't that sound nice?" "S'nice..." you slur, swaying in your seat. "Oh no, not that!" Pavitr chides, a gentle laugh rumbling in his throat. He reaches out to right you, guiding you into sitting up by the shoulders. "You gotta stay with me a minute, okay? Just a little longer for me?" "Uh-huh," you agree. He grins and pecks you on your flushed cheek, his lips pleasantly cool on your skin. You hear him start the water and fiddle with something under the sink, out of your view. He tosses something into the tub, you think you could be imagining things, but you pick up on a slight floral aroma, it's hard to tell with a nose that feels stuffed with cotton wool. He sets out and opens a box on the counter, you recognize it as the box of pads he'd brought home, all that time ago.

"Okay, darling, I'm gonna take care of this—" he says, untangles the sheet from where it's wound about your legs. "—And I'll bring you some towels and clean clothes. Leave your clothes by the door when you get in the bath, I'll knock and swap them out once you've gotten in the tub, alright?" "O'tay," you murmur, eyelids fluttering. Pavitr's heart melts into a puddle of goo right there, he boops your nose with one pointed finger because oh you're precious like this, even under the circumstances. "So cute, sonu," he gushes. "You have fun in the bath, come find me when you're done," he directs. With a final pet of your head, he leaves you to it, taking the sheet with him. He assesses the damage once he gets to the washer, and honestly, he's seen worse. Years of vigilantism have taught him how to get blood and god knows what else out of his suit, whether it was his or theirs. No matter, he runs through his usual routine and sets up a cold water wash, then raids his linen closet for the mahogany-toned bath towels Miles had given him as a housewarming present when he first moved here. Pavitr stops by his bedroom last, piles on a cozy pair of track pants, some fuzzy socks, and one of his favorite old tee shirts, the one you seem to love rubbing your face on whenever he wears it. He then raps on the bathroom door, knocks one, two, three times. There's no reply. "(You)? Dove?" he calls out. Still radio silence. The thrum of the tub filling drones on behind it. He taps his knuckle on the door thrice more. "(You), I have clothes and towels for you, are you okay with me opening the door?" he presses his ear against the door, and there's nothing. Pavitr chokes down the lump of worry in his throat and steels himself to go in anyway. "(You), I'm gonna come in, okay?" he announces. He backs himself into the room in case you're not decent, and, to his surprise, finds you exactly where he'd left you. You're perched on the toilet seat, still in your clothes and slouching off to one side. The tub is just about filled, he deftly stops the tap before setting the linens down and examining your state. You're dazed, eyes unfocused, bleary, as if in a trance. "You weren't kidding when you said you were tired, huh," remarks Pavitr, cupping your chin in both hands. You don't reply beyond arching into the touch, sleepy nonsense spilling from your lips, and Pavitr can't resist cooing at it. He sighs heavily, realizing what he's going to have to do now—leaving you like this isn't an option, and he can't fairly put you in bed in your condition. He'd imagined this scene playing out so differently, if you'd ever wanted for that, and he hates the idea of taking that experience from you, for whom a positive "first" is few.

"Hey sweet girl, we gotta get you out of these so you can get cleaned up and sleep. Are you okay with me helping you if I promise to cover you up?" he asks, as if he were explaining to a small child.

"'M too tired. You do it," you mutter. Your eyelids look like they weigh ten tons when you peep at him through the small amount you can pry them open for.

"Alright then, lift your arms for me, darling," Pavitr instructs. You comply (barely) and he lifts your top from the hem. He pauses at your bust line to drape you from collarbone to knee in the biggest and fluffiest of the towels, then pulls you flush against him to pull the top most of the way up from the back, before getting the towel all the way around under the shoulders. Satisfied that you're covered, he frees your arms from the top, and takes a deep breath before kneeling, hands brushing the crests of your hips.

"Can I take these off?" Pavitr asks. He waits patiently for your nod of assent, and then works everything else over your hips and down your legs in one go, shuffles it all off to the side before you have the chance to worry about what became of them.

"All finished! I'm gonna help you get in the tub now," he says, and loops an arm under your shoulders to guide you onto your feet, the room swims as you do, the sinus congestion making itself known with the dull throb against your cheekbones. Your boyfriend holds you up as you step into the tub of deep indigo water, and then discards the towel to pull you close enough to lower you into the tub without either you falling, or him seeing something he shouldn't. For a second, Pavitr thinks he catches a flash of your exposed chest in the low light of the room, but finds himself unable to care.

"The w-water, its...it smells good," you croak, voice crackling in your vocal cords like a grocery store receipt crushes in your fist. You can feel the heat starting to weave gentle fingers through the knot laying heavy in your stomach, unwinding the tension and clearing up the fog of congestion in your head.

"That'd be the epsom salt cube. I was gonna surprise you with it next week, but I figured you could do with a little pampering right now," explains Pavitr. He perches himself on the rim of the tub, and pours into one hand a generous amount of the very expensive shampoo he uses, you know it immediately by the sharp apple-citrus notes that hang about him whenever you go for a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey, Pav, are you—oh, fuh-fuck," you bite out as your boyfriend starts to work the shampoo into your hair, confident fingers and thumbs massaging into your scalp. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, you sink deeper into the tub, neck immediately relaxing into his hold as he gently tugs at the roots of your hair.

"Shhhh, ahava, let me spoil you," he shushes you. Your eyes flutter open to catch his expression, the way the tip of his tongue peeks out between his lips as he focuses on applying just the right amount of pressure with each pass, his nails scratching your scalp just so. It's amazing to you how you can be caked in all manner of crud, and this gorgeous man could not be more adamant about literally carrying you home with him, doing domestic things like your laundry, buying you pads, washing your hair for you, and the look on his face is so in love it makes your poor tired heart want to melt away, like the salt in the bath.

"That's your good shampoo though," you protest. Pavitr snorts, it's hard to take you seriously now with how you're putty in his hands, utterly surrendered to the almost medicinal way he's kneading his fingertips into the skin of your scalp.

"I was hoping you'd notice, sonu," he replies, the gentle grin still crossing his face. The pads of his thumbs find purchase at the base of your skull, drawing firm circles to release the tension he finds there, you exhale a curse as he does so.

Your brief surge of alertness begins to wash away with the shampoo suds. The rhythm of Pavtir's fingers stroking through your hair is calming, sleep laps at you in waves and he easily supports your weight in his hands. Your aches and cramps bleed out of your pores, drawn out by the epsom salt in the bath, but also by the warmth of his hands. Your eyes fall shut once again, sinking down, down to the bottom of the tub, to the ocean, weighed down by the lead balloon of fatigue. You hear the rush of water when he lowers your head into the tub just enough to cover your hairline, the soft thump of your heart in your ribcage amplified by the liquid. It should be frightening, but it's not, you feel safe with the way he cradles your head in his hands, knowing he'd never let you drown. He's never let you drown.

Pavitr props your head on a rolled up towel at the end of the tub. You feel him take one of your hands, and then a soft, wet cloth tracing gentle circles down the length of your arm.

"Feels good?" you hear him ask. His voice sounds a million miles away through your blocked ears.

"Mmm..." you hum, relaxing into the warm embrace of the water. Pavitr laughs quietly and firmly kisses your palm, laces the cloth between your fingers to scrub there for good measure.

You feel him repeat the act on your opposite arm, stopping at the point of your shoulder. The touch is fond, as if to say hush, beloved, it turns your already weary limbs into something not unlike an overcooked noodle, tossed about by a gentle rolling boil. There's a shuffling noise, and then Pavitr's reaching into the tub for one ankle.

"Gonna take such good care of you," he purrs.

The cloth tickles a little as it passes the arch of your foot, the curve of your ankle. Long strokes pass along your calf to your knee, the pressure increasing to slough off any dirt or sweat that might be there. He gets all the way around it, and then halts at the inside of your knee.

"Can I go a little higher?" he asks.

You try your best to open your eyes, barely making him out in the low light of the room.

"You don't have to say yes. I just...wanted to help, if you were okay with it. And I really do mean only a little higher." he explains.

Since the first time Pavitr kissed you in your kitchen, he's not once broken your trust, or asked anything of you he didn't know you'd want to give. Wherever you went, he met you where you were.

"Yeah, you can," you sleepily agree.

You feel him rub your knee with his other hand, before slowly, somewhat firmly, stroking the cloth up the inside of your thigh, the cloth dips below the water line as he goes. The touch is soothing, not teasing, and he loops back down with plenty of room to spare before the juncture of your hip, true to his word. Your body is pliant, easily maneuvered like a fashion doll. Pavitr retraces his path one, two, three times, just enough to clean up the skin beneath his hand, no more. He balances your opposite leg on your knee to treat it the same, rotates your hip just enough to get at everything, keeping the rest of you obscured below the colored surface of the water.

When he's satisfied with his work, he flips the drain switch, and grabs the towel from the floor.

"Let me get this under your shoulders," he cues, two towel-covered hands winding around and under your underarms. "There's a love, stand up for me one last time," he praises.

You follow, pushing yourself up on shaky, boneless legs. Pavitr does most of the work anyway, the towel falls in front of you as you stand to keep you covered. He deftly pivots you back onto the toilet seat, then grabs a second towel to dry off your hair and neck. He gives you a brisk rub, then, in a flash of playfulness, covers up your face with the towel. He quickly reveals your face again, your drowsy expression wringing a giggle out of him, he can't resist kissing the tip of your cute nose.

"Silly…" you mutter, the biggest grin you can muster crosses your face at the idea of Spider-Man of all people playing peek-a-boo with you. His sense of humor in a difficult moment warms your heart.

"You love it," Pavitr jests, blows you a kiss.

He fishes a packet from the box on the sink counter, unwraps it and adheres the contents to the inside of the clean underwear. He knows you're going to give him flak for it later, he doesn't care, he's a fucking adult and you're about to fall asleep sitting up, he just wants to get you out of here as quickly as possible. He kneels at your feet, feeds your legs through the underwear, then the track pants, and guides you through shimmying them up past your hips.

"Bed…" you whine, slumping off to one side. Your face is still colored with the overtone of malaise.

"I know, sweet girl, I'm almost done, don't worry," reassures Pavitr, slipping the fuzzy socks onto your freshly dried feet. He reaches for the shirt, the last step.

"Arms up, pretty girl," he tells you, voice low and soft, like a thick, dreamy fog.

You comply, and he quickly pulls the shirt over your arms and torso, the towel drops off as the skin is covered. Before you can blink, you're bundled up off the ground, face pressed against a warm chest. You can't help but snuggle closer, the chills rippling through your fever-ridden body driving you to seek out the heat.

You're set down onto a cloud of linen, down, and cotton, rich and fluffy, and smells like him. You don't know why you've never been here before. The cloud sinks a little as he climbs up beside and around you, pulls up the comforter over the both of you.

"You did so well, darling girl," he rumbles. Arms pull you back into his chest, wind around you into a cozy cocoon with the tangle of his legs. Here is safe, warm, comfy, and the praise makes your head feel all muzzy.

"Sleep..." you breathe, burrowing closer into Pavitr, craving the closeness.

Pavitr giggles lowly, smears one, two, three kisses to your temple and forehead, still far too hot. The flat of his hand drags back and forth between your scapula, slow and hypnotic.

"Yes, ahava, you can sleep now. I'm gonna take such good care of you," he hums into your skin. "Rest now, my brave girl,"

The soft, steady thump of his heart against your ear is your lullaby, the bounds of his arms and chest your cradle. You take a deep breath, inhaling his scent, letting it fill your tired lungs and soothe your ravaged throat. On the exhale, soft tendrils of sleep sleep sleep wind about you, pull you under, and you willingly follow. There's no pain, no sickness, no heartache, just him.

[stevie-petey]

hi i’m back!! first of all let me just say how mind blowing your writing is????? EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU M FOR THE AMAZING CHAPTER!!!

im so glad dear billy is ur fav ep from season four too because it’s mine too and oh my god. you did so well in making everything fit so perfectly together bc yk bug not being in st is still such a sad truth for me (and it’s shocking how you aren’t in the writers room for st s5 rn)

but anyways THERES ALOTTT TO UNPACK IN THIS CHAPTER !!

steve and bug first bc holy shiti swear i could feel my heart dropping multiple times while reading about them 

bug asking steve to choose max over her?? and steve pleading with her not to make him choose max over her and saying

“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” and adding 

“I’ll always choose you.” YK WHAT HERES THE FULL SCENE BC IT BROKE ME IN HALF.

[“I’m choosing you, Y/N.” Steve whispers, lips pressed softly against your hair. Your body stiffens, he feels it, but he holds you tighter instead. “I’ll always choose you.”

“Steve…” 

“Please don’t make me say no to you.” He pulls away, grabs your face and makes you look at him. You’re pale, tears wet your lovely face, and all Steve wants to do is fall asleep with you forever. He strokes the crest of your eyebrow, kisses your forehead. “Please don’t make me lose you.”]

PLEASE DONT MAKE ME LOSE YOU?????!?!?!?!?!!? just stab me with bugs pocketknife please.

and before that scene i remember the conversation between them about how steve recalled feeling gutted after seeing nancy and jonathan thinking his night couldn’t get any worse UNTIL HE SAW THE LOOK OF HEARTBREAK ON BUGS FACE and how it made him feel worse knowing he couldn’t have done anything to prevent her from feeling that hurt

[“But that night, it just-it really fucking hurt, you know? Thought I’d never feel anything shittier, that my night couldn’t get any worse. But then… I saw your face.”

“The heartbreak on your face, that fact that I couldn’t do anything to protect you from it. That’s what hurt me the most.”]

..AND THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE OF ALL (TO ME) [“And it’s why I won’t let anything else happen to you.”] and i know steve will try his best to protect her if it meant ensuring bugs safety in the end.

sooooooo who’s gonna tell them that they’ve been eachother’s protectors since day one without even knowing it!

these two are so special to me and it’s just so heartbreaking to see them this way, steve feeling so much fear, and anger :(

i understand his frustration with bug bc everyone can clearly see how she’s putting her own issues aside (despite her literally being cursed with the same thing as my baby max) just to save max and that’s not good bc it’s the BOTH of them that needs saving and bug being stubborn about it isn’t helping steve’s current state :( also i saw ur reply and YOU USING a beatles song is so evil and i love it so so much!!!!!

i’m not ready for bugs visions cause ik shes been carrying sm guilt…with the recent deaths of hopper and billy AND OMG THE NIGHTMARES???? dustin hearing her yell out billy’s name in the middle of the night ☹️ dustin’s being a champ rn LIKE i know he’s not showing it for the sake of his and bugs sanity but i know he’s going crazy in his head bc ITS HIS BIG SISTER?? AND HIS BEST FRIEND?? my poor baby is scared pf losing his bestest friend in the world :( i just need my Henderson siblings happy please </3

and lucas oh lucas!!!! my poor guy he’s literally never been so scared and worried in his entire life until now. THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING BOTH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND HIS BIG SISTER IS SO ☹️i need to hug him.

steve and nance r gonna be so best friends (alongside with the loml robin) and i love how they’re becoming more friendly with each other now like the playful banter im ready! (i know they were civil and were already somewhat friends but still) i didn’t particularly enjoy the love-triangle thing in s4 so i’m interested to see how you’ll be dealing with all of it 😭

btw i’m purposely ignoring jon rn. WE DONT SPEAK ABOUT HIM. (he’ll fall to his knees the minute he gets to hawkins and finds out about the curse that vecna gave bug)

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE TO CHANGE THE CANON TOO MUCH so idk what your plan is with max and bug…but oh my god the survivors guilt bug will carry…im not even ready. max and bug to me is like a literal reflection of each other and their relationship in this story is definitely my favorite thing ever. i don’t even wanna talk about that one scene where bug was yelling at vecna to take her instead. i don’t. i just mentioned it bc i feel so devastated and unready for what’s about to come.

i read smth about how u said there aren’t anymore disagreements between bug and steve!!! and how the rest will just be sad ones AND CUTE ONES (im holding u to that ml) 

does this mean they’ll talk 🤞🤞 i need them to have a proper conversation so i’m crossing my fingers and wishing that we’ll have that conversation alongside with the later conversation between steve and nance (and i believe that it was definitely done for good reasons!)

i listened to in my life while writing this btw and i feel so brave!! 

okay i’m done !! i’m sorry this was long but i appreciate your works and i’m in awe of you !! pls never stop being great!! i hope you’re doing well <333 sending u sm love today lovely <3 e

-🌟🍓

dear billy supremacy !!!

and the entire steve and bug i choose you scene ,,, oh boy theres so many layers to that one specific conversation that i simply cannot wait to dive into later. for now, the entire notion of their relationship is that they chose to love one another !!! bug chose to wait, steve chose to trust her, and they chose to fall in love <333 i firmly believe that true love is choosing to love your partner, not just the chemical reaction in our brains, but the act of staying and trusting to be loved in return - THATS true love.

and steve revealing hes always wanted to help/protect bug <333 i love the porch scene. i love tying things together and also just seeing their growth throughout the seasons. in season 1 the porch scene was heavy with insecurity. bug was weak, back then. she didnt want steve to see how hurt she was (but failed). now we fast forward years later for season 4 and shes actively leaning on steve !!! seeking his comfort !! yet shes also standing her ground, doing what she believes is right (even if shes wrong). and STEVE !! he failed her in season 1, he refuses to fail her again in 4 :((

now bugs whole "hey gang lets focus on max not me haha" will cause a few rifts within the group - everyone knows its unneeded, they all hate shes doing this, but they also know that they cant change bugs mind. its very bittersweet and :///

max and bug ,,, u Get It. they ARE reflections of one another. max is fifteen, same age bug was in season 1. its very very very reminiscent of how bug was back then, stubborn and slightly cold but still so full of love and concern for her friends. max is where bug was, confused and scared and unused to asking (or accepting) help. bug sees this and she also is struggling with this. theyve always had a close relationship, but billys death changed everything and brought them closer together. bug feels a kinship to max, she feels responsible for her, and max knows this and almost resents her for it. its messy and very sad and hard and me not changing canon too much will make things even MORE heartbreaking and sad :(

but on a happier note: YES STEVE AND BUG DO ACTUALLY TALK !!! they have a whole lovely conversation later (in the very last ep lmao) that resolves a Lot i promise guys theyre end game i just like drama and growth.

in my life <333

[sh-tposter2021]

I want a Dwayne Robertson x Reader fic where the reader is Dwayne’s childhood best friend from Texas and they fall in love with each other but then D2 happens and when they think all hope is lost Bombay comes through and gets all Dwayne’s friends to come to the last tournament and Reader is there and everything is happy.

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D 🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Race to the Edge✨

SEASON 6

I love how the twins were basically the reason Hiccup figured out that Johan was the spy

NOOO THE WAY GOTHI WENT TO TRY AND STOP STOICK FROM THROWING AWAY HER MEDICINE AND THEN GOT THROWN OFF THE CLIFF WAS SO FUNNY [ep2]

Omg that fight between Hiccup and Stoick in ep2 was crazy whenever Stoick said "I'm talking to the expert in getting duped by Trader Johan" and THEN HICCUP WAS LIKE "but I was only duped for half as long as you were. So what does that make you?"

Awww the way both Toothless and Skull-crusher were trying to get them to talk

And also Astrid being the only one that wasn't caught by the Hunters right away, she's just superior bro

I love how both of them were right - Stoick was right to not trust the merchants and Hiccup was right about Johan's plan

Toothless is actually so strong like he's not only agile and clever, I mean he just flew up to the ballista and crashed against it and destroyed it without using his Plasma Blast 😎🤩

Mala and Dagur fighting over where the Dragon Eye lenses are gonna be hidden is hilarious. Mala is so calm I love it

I got chills when Atali was like "no, Hiccup, this is my island I will defend it"

I really want to know the origin of the Wingmaidens, like where did all these women come from? How come they're still there?

I love Minden and Snotlout's relationship, the way he tried to convince her to not give up AND SHE KISSED HIM!!!

Krogan's Singetail actually cares about him

Never gonna get over Adelaide Kane voicing Mala

Also Snotlout running when the dude had the razorwhip on him LIKE HE WAS LITERALLY FLYING AND HE WAS STILL RUNNING Y'ALL HAVE TO WATCH THAT SCENE I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT ITS IN EP3

Generations ago Fishlegs's ancestors were dragon hunters

The Loyal Order of Ingerman - decimated the Dramillion dragons, pushing them to the brink of extinction

Grump is amazing I love him

Dramillions - have both a lava blast and a magnesium blast. Omnivores. Still being hunted.

The Hunters were founded by Ingar Ingerman

The Dramillion trying to take the manacle off his tail🥺

And when Fishlegs threw his helmet and THEN THE HAND THING 😭🥺

I love the Dramillions they're so smart they learned how to get rid of the manacles by just looking at what Meatlug and Stormfly were doing 🥺

I just realized that the twins are 19 AND I FIND THAT ABSOLUTELY CRAZY HOW CAN THEY BE THAT OLD

I really wish we knew each of their birthdays like I wanna know which one's older and which one's younger

I feel like for some reason the twins would be the oldest ones then Fishlegs then Astrid then Snotlout and lastly Hiccup. Idk I'm still iffy on this

Most Thorstons don't make it to 19

I love the twins' relationship, they love each other so much that they would rather be alone and not form part of a clan than leave each other alone and the fact that other people know this too? Plsss like the only reason Gruffnut got them back into the fake induction trials was by telling them how bad it'd be for each other to not be part of a clan.

Titanwing Zippleback HOW DO THEY KNOW ITS A TITANWING IT LOOKS THE SAME AS THE OTHER ZIPPLEBACKS

"Ughh, what's the point of winning alone? Being a Thorston means nothing without him. We are one Thorston."

I love them and also technically Ruffnut won the induction trials.

THE LAST LENSE GOSH

Love how Fishlegs cares about global warming

I'm all Snotlout, Toothless and the Triple Stryke reacting to Mala and Dagur- I'm also Mala whenever someone tickles me I'LL KILL U

UGHHH I HATE HOW SNOTLOUT MADE HICCSTRID UNCOMFY FOR HAVING A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP

Astrid overthinking 🥺😭

"How would you like your yak cooked?" JSHDHHA

bro I love how both Tuff and Toothless noticed the betrothal necklace

"So want to deliver some scrap metal?" Hiccup baby? Why are you so oblivious?

At least he asked her if she was alright in the armorwing's island 😩

No but if I was Astrid I'd be pissed too, the dude saw a dragon eye lens from far way and didn't notice her betrothal necklace? 🙂😤

No I can't that scene was too harsh to watch, I mean I loved to see Hiccup noticing something was wrong with Astrid but then the way Astrid compared their relationship to Mala and Dagur's and then threw him the betrothal necklace... And the way he caught it too I can't- 😭😞😖😭😓🤧

Seeing the twins trying to capture Mala was hilarious JAHDHDHHSHA

I love how when they're fighting Astrid's still there for him whenever he's expected to have all the answers. She ignored her anger and went over to him and grabbed his hand and that single thing was what gave him confidence in a moment of panic 🥺

"I'm with you"

"I know"

That final Hiccstrid scene in Mi Amore Wing was just too perfect, we have Hiccup grabbing Astrid's hand to bring her outside and talk to her, the sunset in the background, every little thing Hiccup told her about being there for her and loving her with everything he had and that he should've noticed the necklace right away AND THEN THAT KISS WAS JUST AMAZING❗️❗️❗️ it was passionate and sweet and Astrid was blushing and then Fishlegs was all uncomfortable and Mala was like "okaaayyyyy😏" and Dagur like "alrighhtttt👌🏼" ig the only thing I didn't like is that Astrid didn't say I love you back 😭 but it's ok cause yk she does I just wished she had said it.

Baby razorwhips love the water

Tuffnut named the baby razorwhip that bonded with Ruffnut, Wingnutt

Top scenes of Ruff Transition ep7

Tuffnut throwing up in Ruffnut's mouth and Ruffnut throwing up in Wingnutt's mouth just do that he could be fed- seeing the windmaiden's reactions is the best lmao

Hiccup trying to teach Ruffnut how to fly (with his dragon flight suit) and then Ruffnut losing balance but Hiccup helping her regain it BUT we still get overprotective Tuffnut jumping off of Toothless to try and help but all he did was make things worse HIS SCREAM WAS HILARIOUS nonono and the way Toothless tried to help BUT AGAIN MADE THINGS WORSE 😩😮‍💨😂

Ruffnut finally figuring out how to connect with Wingnutt and fighting the dragon hunters and saving Atali was so badass and then Atali riding Barf 😭🤩

Hiccstrid kiss count (approximately) : 6😘

The way he slightly and carefully touches her face to reassure her that he'll be fine

The Singetail's only predator is the Skrill

The Berserkers used to use metal daggers to lure Skrills into traps. The dragon is drawn to it due to its electrical properties

VIGGO JUST DID THE HAND THING THING WITH THE SKRILL WTF

If I could have any dragon it'd be in this order

Skrill - it's so badass and powerful

Nightfury - it's badass, powerful, pretty, strong and fast

Deadly Nadder - it's extremely fast and agile, has multiple attacks and the spikes

Dramillion - has multiple attacks and is very smart

Just realized that ep8 is called Triple Cross because 1st Johan crossed Viggo 2nd Viggo fake crossed Hiccup and 3rd Viggo and Hiccup crossed Johan and Kogan

That episode was basically jusr to show Viggo's arc and the way he changed for the better and learned to respect dragons

That's why the Singetails wouldn't leave in ep9 whenever they were trying tp free the Deathsong- their eggs! They're in that island.

I can't with Hiccup and Astrid sitting together just chilling but with Astrid feeling guilty and Hiccup assuring her that he was also at fault 😭

I love Narrator/Author Snotlout! The titles of the chapters of his book remind me of the ones from Pjo

Stoick and Skullcrusher acting as 1 and being worried about each other 🥺 I love their relationship

Also the way Stoick bats off the shots from the Singetails with his axe just like Astrid. They're both truly warriors

No but Toothless asking for a head scratch from Gobber bc he's worried abt both Hiccup and Stoick🥺

The way Toothless tried to make Hiccup feel better- I mean the man blamed himself for putting Stoick in "his deathbed" it was just so awful seeing Hiccup in that state and the way everyone was trying to make him feel better but it was ultimately Astrid who managed to get through to him😭

I love it when they put scenes of the movies

I love how Astrid always knows what to say without lying

Looks like it's you and me, then.

Always... was that corny or-

Probably. Nice, though.

The way Astrid is so natural at being a leader and putting everyone on their places 🤩

That lil moment they had in ep12 where he holds her face and thanks her for everything and I just love them too much 😭

I love how Spitelout is so happy when he's beating ass, this dude literally goes "I'm sure I've had more fun than this. But at the moment, I can't remember when"

Have I mentioned I love the Dramillions before? I love them way too much they're amazing and the sound they make is so 😩 I love it

The Dramillion is a distant cousin of the Changewing which means the Titanwing Dramillion shares the de-cloaking ability with its subspecies.

Stormfly's spine clone was literally so badass, my girl was surrounded and she finished every single dragon flyer with it. Badass move. Wish we had seen it more throughout the series

It really pissed me off that Hiccup had to choose between getting Tuff, Ruff and Snotlout out of that sinking ship when he could've been following Krogan. Like ofc it was the right decision but that wouldn't have happened if the twins and Snotlout didn't follow Gruff into the ship :/

I love how strong Barf and Belch are! They literally carried the a Titanwing Dramillion on their own.

That scene when they figured out that the Titanwing Dramillion is not the King of Dragons but instead the last piece of the puzzle to get to the King of Dragons

When the Wingmaidens got to the battle it was amazing

Also the way Dagur was so proud that the King of Dragons was a Berserker and how Ruff was so excited to see Wingnutt and Snotlout to see Minden🥺

THEY REALIZED THAT BBYS AREN'T AFFECTED BY THE KING OF DRAGONS BC OF THE BABY RAZORWHIPS

that last Hiccstrid Scene where Hiccup is worried about Astrid's safety- I mean his face 🥺🥺🥺 and she told him that his dad would be proud and that she's proud too and when she was about to leave he held her back and kissed her 😭😭

Ik I said this before but I simp for Astrid as a leader, she's just so natural at it

Also I love how the King of Dragons has ice powers instead of fire

WAIT SO IS THE EGG THAT HICCUP FINDS IN THE FINALE THAT THEY GIVE TO VALKA IS THAT THE KING OF DRAGONS THAT VALKA CARES FOR IN HTTYD2?!!

Valka being friends with the Wingmaidens sits absoluteky right with me

no but the way Toothless hesitated when Hiccup told him to leave him and get the egg

I love how all the dragons arrived to fight the dragon flyers, it was just so poetical to me, the dragons finally getting to fight the people that hurt them 🤩

I FINISHED IT AND NOW I'M SAD!!! I loved the end tho and I'm glad we got to see Shattermaster at Dagur's wedding, also Astrid's outfit change- we love that. And them leaving the edge is just so sad bro 😭but I love how we got to see some "insight" ig u could call it on HTTYD2 😭 also seeing Snotlout and Fishlegs's love for Ruffnut start forming was hilarious

[sunsinrinn]

Secrets Part 4.

Bakugo x reader, Bakugo x Uraraka, Kirishima x Reader

Fluff, language, very little angst

Word Count: 1,266

Idea: Y/n has a secret to share with bakugo not expecting a secret from him. She leaves heart broken and attempts to move on. But how will she move on if her secret can no longer be hidden? She fakes a relationship hoping its enough to not expose the true origin of the secret. (This is a terrible summary but I cant say much without spoiling future parts. 🙃)

(Y/n is roughly about 4 months pregnant going on 5 months )

“Mina- Y/n is not huge-“

Mina ignores kirishima and looks at you, she grabs your belly, “Oh my god you and bakugo finally got pregnant!”

You stiffen when you hear that and out of the corner of your eye you see kirishima does too.

“Actually mina... Me and bakugo are not together anymore...”

“WHAT?! WHY?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER?!”

“Mina dont be so loud... Let’s talk about this at that cafe over there”

Mina looks over to where you are pointing and nods, “Fine” she grabs your arm and practically drags you there so you can hurry and tell her the tea. Kirishima rushes after you not wanting you to be alone.

As you sit down Mina speaks up again, “Alright tell me already!”

You look at her and sigh, “We are not together anymore because he cheated on me...”

She looks at you in disbelief, “Why the hell would he do that bullshit? And with who??”

“Ochaco” She widens her eyes. “NO FUCKING WAY- YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT BITCH HAS BEEN ACTING INNOCENT EVERY TIME I SEE HER?”

Kirishima looks around and apologizes your the pink haired girl’s outburst.

You hush mina and she glares at you but lowers her voice, “Okay so he cheated on you but why are you pregnant?” She gasps and speaks again, “Don’t fucking tell me he left you alone pregnant? I will kill that son of a bitch”

“NO-no Mina the child isn’t his.”

She looks at you confused, “Then who’s is it?” She looks over at kirishima who suddenly becomes interested on that slightly off colored tile on the floor. “ITS KIRISHIMA’S?” You shush her again so she says it lower, “its kirishima’s??!”

You and him nod at the same time. You feel a bit guilty lying about the real identity of the baby daddy but its better if no one knew. “Well at least you now have someone who cares and will stay loyal no matter what pussy ass skank bitch throws herself at him.” You sense the shade thrown at Ochaco but stay quiet.

You look at kirishima and see he’s looking at you smiling. You smile back and look back over to mina who is deep in thought. After a moment of silence she speaks up, “When will the others know about you’re baby?”

“We actually don’t know how we will tell the others...”

She gives you a sly smile and responds, “I know the perfect way”

You are filled with dread knowing she likes to go overboard, you look at kirishima and you see the same reaction. “What are you thinking of?”

“A BABY SHOWER!”

Your face brightens up, “Oh that’s a great idea! Right Kiri?”

He looks at your face and nods, “Yeah mina that is a great idea”

“Then its settled. I will plan it all out!”

“Are you sure Mina? I can help? I am literally home all day now.”

“No, no, I can do this myself. Are you home now because of the pregnancy?”

You nodd, “Yeah I’m not gonna do any hero work until after the baby is born”

“Well okay, you can help with some stuff..”

“Thank you!”

“Wait- does the public know you’re on a leave? Or that your no longer with Bakugo?”

You shake your head, “They don’t which is a good thing because then no one will really know I am pregnant.”

Kirishima reaches for your hand and says, “We should go continue shopping before it gets late baby”

You blush at his name he gave you but nod, “Its been great catching up with you Mina! I’ll talk to you soon about the baby shower!”

Mina waves and shouts as you leave, “Congratulations again on your baby, y/n! I’ll see you soon!”

You walk with Kirishima back to the stores and end up buying a couple of things for yourself to wear and for the baby. Kirishima almost bought everything they sold in the baby section but you stopped him from going overboard. “Kiri, this baby will be spoiled rotten if you continue to buy so many things for them!” You laugh at his small blush and hear him say, “I just want the little angel to know just how much I love them!” You nod, “I understand, darling but lets tone it down a bit, how will we carry all of this home?” He looks at the pie of bags you both have got and sheepishly smiles, “You’re right lets go home now”

You give him a small kiss on the cheek and head home.

After putting away all the things you guys bought Kirishima puts on the news as background noise while you both start dinner.

After finishing dinner, You begin to serve but stop when you hear your name on the news,

“Now for todays news, Pro Hero (hero name) is no longer doing hero work until the foreseeable future. We have gathered intel and found out that they are leaving hero work for now because they are pregnant!” You scoff and laugh because damn. They’re late to figure that out.

“An anonymous tip says she cheated on Pro Hero Ground Zero with his best friend Red Riot.They are seen multiple times together holding hands out in public. Ground Zero has refused to comment and we have yet to hear confirmation from (hero name)

Or Red Riot”

With that you become angry because first of all how dare they assume your a cheater. If anyone is the cheater its Bakugo. Kirishima walks to you when he hears the news and wraps his arms around you. “Don’t fucking listen to them, babe. Tomorrow, you and I will give out an official statement together.” He pulls away and looks at you before giving you a soft kiss. “Come on lets eat, babe.” You nod and finish serving dinner.

Midway through dinner you hear frantic knocking on the door. Before you get up Kirishima gets up and rushes to open the door to find Izuku looking at you both with wide eyes and Shoto behind him. “Is it true?!” Izuku walks in followed by Shoto.

“Nice to see you too Izuku” Kirishima says sarcastically.

Izuku glares at him but asks you again, “Y/N! Is it true you’re pregnant?”

“Izuku for being my neighbor and seeing me everyday you sure are blinder than a fucking bat”

He blushes but continues, “I didn’t know! I am shocked you didn’t tell me! You’re best friend!”

Kirishima who fakes being hurt from Izuku’s words, “I thought I was her best friend!”

“No, you’re the boyfriend” both you and Izuku say

Kirishima acts hurt, “oH wow- Shoto help me out here- wait why are you here?”

Shoto and Izuku blush at the same time.

“Kiri, baby, isn’t it obvious? They’re boning each other”

At your words both boys turn even redder and begin stuttering before finally izuku manages to get out a proper answer, “We did not come here to talk about me and shoto boning-“

You and kirishima burst out laughing as Shoto and Izuku look embarrassed even more.

“Okay okay lets stop being mean kiri baby” he stops but continues to smirk at the couple in front.

“Izuku will it make you feel better and forgive us for not telling you we are expecting, if I say I want you and Shoto to be the god parents?”

“Hell yeah, shoto you hear that? We are future god parents!” Shoto smiles and nods at Izuku as you shake you’re head.

Shoto speaks up after a while,

“So Kirishima, how does it feel to be a dad?”

SERIES MASTERLIST — Part 5

A/N- Another chapter! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3 If you’d like to be tagged in future parts or future works dont hesitate to dm, ask, or comment! I hope you guys had a lovely day today! Also if you asked to be tagged and I didnt tag you send me a dm so I can fix it :)

Secrets taglist: @hero-ink-pillar , @silentw-lkr , @ushiwakatrash , @purple-rabanito

[ashistrashhh]

here are some fic recs!! including sakuatsu, bokuaka, kuroken and matsuhana bc i couldnt help myself

if you want, ask me about a certain ship and ill give you some recs!

-sakuatsu-

Marble and Sandstone by red_camellia

rating: G words: 12,937 chapters: 2/2 

author summary: Miya Atsumu only cares about volleyball and nothing else. That is, until he develops a strange obsession with the marble statue of a young man that seems vaguely familiar in his university's arts department. One day that statue comes alive as the very real Sakusa Kiyoomi, and they are left with the mystery of why Sakusa Kiyoomi was turned into a statue and only came back to life when Atsumu touched him. Their new-found connection and the strange mystery turns Atsumu's life upside down, not least because of his growing feelings for Sakusa.

my notes: this was a rlly cute fic!!! 11/10 would read again!!

let it go (paint my body gold) by lunarism

rating: T words: 3,272 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It becomes a routine for them. Sometimes they go grocery shopping and make dinner together, other times they end up talking until Sakusa feels like his own shower and bed is calling him. Every single time Sakusa gets home, shrugs his coat off, balls it up, and proceeds to scream profusely into the fabric for a few minutes.

my notes: pining!!! sakusa!!! also casual painter!atsumu!!! and they paint together!!!

craft a miracle with these hands, lips, (silence) by chrysanthe (sonderesque)

rating: T words: 4,252 chapters: 1/1

author summary: ‘Someone is here to ruin your night,’ his door tells him. ‘You should let them in.’ “I’M HOMELESS OMI-OMI. HOMELESS,” yells the one here to ruin his night. “LET ME IN.”

(What does Kiyoomi sell his sanctuary for?)

my notes: hnnn rlly fuckin cute,, and domestic,,,,

Clipped To You by littleboat

rating: T words: 8,174 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It starts with Hinata Natsu, of all people.

Well, if Atsumu’s being honest with himself, it started way before that, but he’s not, so that’s besides the point. And thankfully, he’s just petty enough to blame all of his problems on a thirteen year old girl.

or Sakusa starts wearing hair clips and Atsumu is more than a little obsessed

my notes: minor kagehina, bokuaka // god these fics rlly make me simp for fictional characters even more than i should. but!! sakusa!!! in hairclips!!! and a pining atsumu!!!

learn how to lay me down in something other than danger, other than fury by rosevtea 

words: 34,211 chapters: 1/1

author summary: All of the ways fellow college TA Miya Atsumu reinvents Kiyoomi's definition of normal.

my notes: god i loved this. it’s a fake dating au and like,, even though they’re “dating” sakusa keeps letting his guard down little by little around atsumu and it surprises everyone. komori and akaashi just know  that they’re were genuinely pining for eachother

among probabilities and a thousand fates by aalphard

rating: T words: 15,675 chapters: 1/1

author summary: prompt fill for “in a world where the red string of fate exists, person a’s finger always twitches when person b, who can see the string, tugs on their string” | or sakusa thought he had a tic and atsumu liked to see his confused expression when it started to happen exclusively when he was around.

my notes: i! loved! it!! so basically atsumu and osamu have the rare gift of seeing the red string of fate, so they know its real but sakusa, like most other people dont believe it exists. so atsumu gives sakusa a (kinda) hard time. rlly cute!! i love soulmate aus!

-bokuaka- 

love in the time of wifi by dalyeau

rating: G words: 4,177 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Akaashi is coming to terms with the fact that he might be romantically interested in his volleyball captain. Hence, doing what any sixteen year old with a problem should do. He asks about it online.

my notes: really cute fic about akaashi asking what he should do about his crush on a site similar to reddit. its kinda a “i didnt know it was you” kind of fic and it made me happy

steam by orphan_account

rating: E words: 8,474 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 bokuto: why is he so hot bokuto: why am i so gay kuroo: LMAO you mean your vice captain right bokuto: yeah

The coach blew the whistle for practice to begin, and Bokuto drummed his fingers against the bleachers, awaiting Kuroo’s reply. He was about to walk away, when his phone buzzed in his hand.kuroo: i got this bro bokuto: what bokuto: wtf does that mean

Bokuto started to panic.

my notes: explicit!!! but really wholesome. kuroo is honestly the best wingman. i also think this is my favourite bokuaka smutfic?? 

just to miss the sun by rosevtea

rating: T words: 15,126 chapters:1/1

author summary: Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

my notes: akaashi is a booktuber and bokuto crashes one of his streams. fans begin to speculate. rlly fluffy and can u tell i like bokuaka

brain fish by iceblinks

rating: T words: 12,026 chapters: 6/6

author summary: Akaashi wakes up to a string of texts from an unknown number. 

my notes: i love text fics and i love wrong number aus so u can tell how much i loved this. really fluffy and i come back to it time to time

-kuroken-

us three by honey_s

rating: T words: 5,137 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo’s gaze flits over to the utensil. His eyes bulge out of his skull. “Wh—is that a meat hammer? Put it back!” Akaashi’s head recoils back in confusion. “I don’t understand the problem here.” “Why on Earth have you got a fucking meat hammer? We aren’t going to kill somebody!” “Well,” Akaashi begins, clearly taken aback, “I apologise for assuming. I had heard Kenma-san had been hurt in school and after getting a message from both of you to meet late at night, I merely filled in the blanks and assumed we were going to beat someone up, for lack of a better term.” “Not literally! I meant metaphorically, or figuratively, or something!” “Idiomically?” “That isn’t a word, Bokuto-san.” “Jesus Christ,” Kuroo groans, dropping his head into his hands. “We're going to jail."

my notes: bokuaka and kuroo are ready to beat someone up for kenma!! and we stan!! 

Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos by strawberryriver

rating: G words: 6,141 chapters: 1/1

author summary: 

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

my notes: again with the soulmate au bc i cannot help myself. but really cute!!! probably gonna read this again later!

Boom, Toasted by protostar (hearthope)

rated: T words: 6,782 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 FROM: yuuji any bets on who hes texting??

FROM: eita He's smiling at his phone. Kuroo, probably

FROM: kentarou Kuroo

TO: fake family Have any of you ever once considered not prying

FROM: eita You deserve it

FROM: yuuji how can we not when ur in love!!

Kenma gets a text from an unknown number. He'd be lying if he said the guy behind it wasn't kind of endearing.

my notes: again, i love wrong number texts. it focuses more on kenma’s friendship, but kenma’s pov with texting kuroo is more than him realizing feelings and stuff. really cute, ive read it multiple times. 

Japan's most subscribed by NeverNothing

rating: T words: 3,631 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

my notes: i! love! social media! fics!!! really cute and basically people wondering who the mysterious kuroo is to applepi. 

MATSUHANA!!! the underrated gem

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic

rating: M words: 2,119 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

my notes: honestly more funny than it suggests, but its matsuhana, they’re meme lords.

rated m for by orphan_account

rated: T words: 10,692 chapters: 1/1

author summary: He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

my notes: a very good voice actor au. there is some misunderstanding on hanamaki’s part bc he didnt finish listening to matsukawa, and this is really cute and i love matsuhana. 

In A Quiet Night, All Sounds Carry by levyovochka

rating: E words: 4,794 chapters: 1/1

authors summary: “Ah, ah, Too—!”

Hanamaki hates his university dorm.

“—ru, let me cum, please!”

Hold up. That’s a fucking understatement. Let him rephrase it: Hanamaki loathes his university dorm with passion. Detest the damned abomination, abhors it—

“—ru! Coming, coming—”

It has only been a month and Hanamaki already wants to die.

my notes: as u can guess minor iwaoi // rlly well written and bottom hanamaki rights and maybe my favourite matsuhana smutfic??? and hooh boy i simp for matsukawa

call me maybe by totooru

rating: T words: 33,689 chapters: 14/14

author summary: Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

my notes: minor iwaoi, daisuga, bokuaka // god i think this is my favourite matsuhana fic overall, maybe in general, but my god is it great. this is probably a common rec, but its understandable as to why it is. basically au where makki texts matsun (who goes to karasuno) instead of oikawa for tips to beat iwaizumi at an arm wrestling match. but they keep messaging. and holy shit i love their conversations. please read this, it is 256/10

there we go!! i might go a part two with more ships (kagehina, tsukkiyama and iwaoi) but this took up way to much time lol. i have an essay due in a couple hours. but hope u like these fics as much as i do!!

[edwardslostalchemy]

the thing that kills me about bakugou is when the plf go "having a powerful quirk means i'm better than you"and basically advocate for eugenics, it's horrible and corrupt, but when bakugou does it, it's lol funny and 'oh that gremlin.' in a recent chapter he made fun of the past OFA holders for having 'weak' quirks and dying and he said these things in front of Toshi, who has himself given so much. just...what was the point of him knowing about OFA if he was just going to be a disrespectful ass?

I have no idea why it was necessary for him to know, tbh. I think it was a waste of an opportunity to give him growth by NOT telling him. And honestly, I agree that k*tsuki and the plf have similar ideals because they’re elitists. :/ They think they’re better than others. Unironically, the lov wanting k*tsuki on their side would have been like, them all sharing this same thought. Idk, I just don’t like him. The things he says and does are played off as comedic relief now and it’s honestly so annoying. He needs to be brought down from his pedestal. 

(I have multiple messages so I am putting them all in one post under a read more, I hope it works, but if somehow it doesn’t, I’m really sorry. My computer says it works, but mobile doesn’t show it. This will be a long post.)

Anonymous said:

You know... I wouldn’t mind Bakugou winning vs Ochako so much if his blast had simply redirected enough rubble for him to make it though the pelting, and the fight had ended with an actual visible inflicted injury on his part, like a cut on his face, that stuck around for the rest of the tournament. Make the close call have more concrete, visible consequences for him then his arms aching a bit.

I agree with this completely. That thing about his arms aching doesn’t show much of the consequences at all. And he gets over it rather quickly. I hate that he has so much plot armor.

Anonymous said:

Ngl i dont ship Todo/deku (dont really ship Izuku with anyone lol) but its such a nice ship like?? People can ship what they want but why ship Baku/deku when Tododeku is RIGHT THERE. I would rather have todo/deku be the twin stars like.. Todoroki having to overcome his fathers legacy and be a better hero then his father ever could be while Izuku perpetuates all mights legacy and carries the legacy of One For All?? Poetic cinema

+ I SENT AN ASK ABOUT PREFERRING TODO/DEKU TO BAKU/DEKU AND I WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING SKSKS. we could totally have an "its your power" moment. Izuku getting Todo to accept his left side and Todo getting Izuku to remember that OFA is his power now.

Todo/deku is really the poetic cinema we need and deserve. Idk why people like b*kud*ku, that’s what they prefer, but the ship itself is not healthy in the slightest and I find it pretty disturbing. I agree with you, nony. Everything you said is correct.

Anonymous said:

If I'm gonna be honest the whole "he was raised in a household of screaming and abuse" isn't a good enough reason as to why Bakugo has no chill. Like we've seen people like Todoroki raised in a household much worst but he didn't come out as a jerk or bully. I'd like to see more of Bakugo's interactions with his parents but for the most part the dad seems like a pushover and his mom is just loud at times. But no where close to Endeavor. So yeah Bakugo shut up challenge

Yeah, idk how their dynamic works, it’s just mitsuki screaming at k*tsuki while his dad tries to intervene, but doesn’t do a good job about it. I don’t like that she smacked his head. But I think people really stretch it to give him a tragic backstory when in reality, he doesn’t have one. He is a spoiled brat. Shouto has proven how to be a better person. He’s just a better character in general.

Anonymous said:

This might be long but I want to get something off my chest and I love your blog so I used to like bk//dk. If you asked me why. It's because I was enamored by the fanon ver of this pair with a better bkg and the whole appeal of childhood 'friends'/reconciliation trope it had going on and some fans have convinced me that their relationship wasn't as bad as it's portrayed before UA and that bkg was only like that because of society and thinking Izuku was "looking down" at him. 1/3

Thinking about it. it's really stupid and the verge of victim blaming but anyways. What stopped me from liking it and instead hating the pair is that after dk vs kc 2 I was expecting the improvement in their relationship, for a moment I thought we got it. But in reality it's just bc we haven't seen them interact much after the overhaul arc and before the joint training arc.Then the joint arc came and the 2nd internship arc came and whoo boy, I feel like I was cheated on. 2/3

Rather than making bkg's behavior improve towards Izuku, He's still as much of an asshole who belittles him, mocks him ,acts like he can't stand him but less threats of killing him combined with Izuku who just takes it because he's a nice person. But the narrative acts like their good friends now and I have been feeling so frustrated with this, I wanted a mutual relationship with mutual respect on both sides and bk//dk hasn't reached that part and it shouldn't take this long for it to be. 3/3

Thank you for sharing this with me, nony!! I appreciate it. It’s really sad that their relationship hasn’t improved at all. It’s so long overdue and now things are played as comedic relief like him hurting Izuku with his spike and also being extremely disrespectful during the ofa meetings. Their relationship isn’t healthy and it isn’t friendly, no matter how canon wants to paint it that way.

Anonymous said:

the only reason bkg gets to know OFA is because he guilted Izu into telling him a half truth in S1 then guilted AM and Izu with his tantrum in S3 He also had the privilege to know Izu since childhood and saw AFO so he had the advantage Izuku would have never told him otherwise. Same time Izuku's friends don't "deserve" to know about OFA, rather, Izuku deciding to tell them himself will make the revelation to them more special since its Izu deciding to tell a piece of himself than being forced to

HOT TAKE

@havocsss said:

i just wanted to say i appreciate your opinion on bnha about bakugo (bc someone finally said it 👀) and you put into words for me how i feel abt that character - and that's partly why i just can't watch it. he's the bully that everyone idolises and gets let away with murder and naaaah mate that's not how it works

Thank you, I’m glad to hear it. I don’t like that he, a literal bully who has suicide baited Izuku and has hurt him with his explosion quirk, is the fandom’s favorite and the most popular character. Literally any other character would have been better to stan than him. He’s everywhere and I can’t enjoy part of the series because of him always being there. It’s so annoying. I will continue to yell about why he is not a good character until horikoshi gives us the development he desperately needs AND an apology to Izuku for being so abusive to him. And yes, bullying is abuse.

Anonymous said:

I know that feeling. I also greatly dislike Bakugou. He almost ruins the manga for me at times. I can't even think of a plot with Izuku where Hori won't try to include him in some way. I tried reading metas abt him, tried to look at him in a different light but I realised that I really hate his personality, combined with his overhyped popularity just makes me can't stand him. I wish I could even just be neutral for him but that's being a challenge.

Yeah, he’s not a good character. Very infuriating and annoying. We do not stan him in this house.

Anonymous said:

I feel like if Aizawa actually knew that Bakugou used to bully Izuku he'd probably whoop Bakugou's ass

OOF I’d like to see him expel him.

Anonymous said:

I like how it's framed like I'm supposed to feel sorry for Bakugou because he feels manpain for not being the strongest in the class. Like the dude went from a regular school to the best of the best and he still expected to be the strongest person there is with no challenge?

Awww, is the spoiled brat sad? Good. He can die mad about it.

Anonymous said:

If Aizawa did the combat training instead of All Might he would've stopped Bakugou the first time he used his gauntlets and automatically failed him and I really wish that would've been the outcome

Tbh he should have been expelled for trying to kill a classmate.

Anonymous said:

Oh yeah I remember that character entrance when he just basically I insults his partner for training. Look I love the kid but if I was a teacher I would've flamed him so hard like there could've been a hostage, that weapon could have went off, his partner could've been captured. That's how you ended up failing the license exam

OOF. When will he learn.

Anonymous said:

Um excuse the ever living fuck out of me but I just saw a fic that was bakugou/consequences where Izuku attempted suicide and you know what the ship was?? My pure green son who deserves the world and his literal bully/abuser are you SHITTING ME???? I try very hard not to hate ships I do really try but I just CAN'T with this ship it disgusts me

It's not a healthy ship. I am disturbed by this fic and I don’t even know what it’s called and I don’t want to know. Eww.

Anonymous said:

I see myself as Izuku cause I relate to him a lot and I just read something where Bakugou does what my abuser did to me to Izuku and now I'm having a very hard time stomaching the thought of him and like I really loved kiri/baku too but now I can't even think about it cause someone who shipped my notp thought it would be a good idea to make Bakugou an abuser and give Izuku Stockholm syndrome ☹

Oh nony…I’m so sorry to hear about that. That really sounds rough and I hope you’re feeling better. That sounds awful. I’m just…I’m appalled. Also giving Izuku Stockholm syndrome with this ship is just. Wow.

[dracosathenaeum]

Hello!! Although I have seen multiple great writers, I really like your angst stories the best!! so I figured maybe you could take this req? Idk if this is weird (the request itself, I mean) but I would understand if you are not that comfortable writing this!!

I dreamt of story wherein the reader is one of the best and well-loved students Hogwarts. Including Harry, of course. Meanwhile the reader is quite interested in Draco, but never really put thought into it. Like, yeah she finds him attractive but that’s it. No attachment, feelings or anything. Draco, on the other hand, is madly in love with Astoria. This is the year where they almost graduate from Hogwarts, and since Draco is just in love with Astoria, he’s already planned everything with her. Only to find out that she cannot bear a child. They wanted a pure blood child, and Astoria and Draco are such a perfect match. This idea greatly upset not only the two, but also their parents. Then, for some stupid reason, the family came into a resolution that someone could carry Draco’s child. It was dumb, yes, but they agreed, saying that as long as the woman is qualified (aka pure blood, has great qualities, and preferably, slytherin). The deal was for draco to find a suitable woman, but not tell her about the plans. Once the child turns one, they get rid or hide the kid from the mom. While thinking, Draco suddenly thought of the reader. It would be fun since Harry fancies the reader. It’s a win-win situation for him. The reader is a pure blood (any house) and fierce, witty, etc. I’ll leave everything else to you! I just want an angsty plot?? Then the ending to be a happy fluff DracoxReader :)) wherein atleast a year has passed after their son’s birth, and the reader learns the truth behind Draco’s actions so she runs away and does everything to keep anyone related to Draco, away from them. At first, Draco thought he was only yearning for his son. When in truth, he was also craving for the reader’s love and affection. (But he completely fooled himself into thinking that it’s still Astoria in his heart) (Draco and the reader were “together” since her pregnancy till the 1st birthday of their child, and throughout those months, the reader actually treated Draco well. Like comforting him in his nightmares, his insecurities, etc.) THIS IS TOO LONG I GOT CARRIED AWAY!! But yes, ik this is weird so I would understand if u wouldnt write this!! Yet, after everything, I’d like to say, ur one of my fave writers 💜

hi!! first of all thank you so so much for sending this request in!! I'm so glad you enjoy my angst, I definitely have the most fun writing it out of everything!!

I’ve been mulling over this for a couple days since I absolutely love this concept but ultimately I dont think I have the capabilities to write this at the moment. 

I tried to think of how I could write it but ultimately there was no way I could do your idea justice if I tried to rush through it in a one shot or mini-series; this is something that should be written out as a slow burn multi-chaptered fic to fully enjoy the plot.

Honestly this is a beautiful idea, it really sounds like a ITV drama which is exactly why I definitely cant do it any justice where I am now. I'm sorry to have to turn it down but I hope you can find another writer who will take it on and do it some justice!! xx

[what-the--curtains]

Braving the Elements

Chapter 8: Tonys Party

Tw: Alcohol consumption, swearing , bad writing???

Authors note: we about to get a lil soft and a lil angsty babyyyy

(The balcony)

(The next morning in the kitchen)

Honestly both songs r like how I envision they’re relationship ANYWAYS HERE WE GOOO

“So, just how fancy are these parties?” you ask Nat and Wanda who are currently lying on your bed.

“Think Jay Gatsby meets James Bond.” Nat responds

“Shit, don’t think I have anything that nice.” you say skimming through your clothes which had finally found their way onto hangers. You had a lot of nice pieces, but nothing suitable enough for a black tie event. You had left most of your more exquisite garments back at your old apartment.

“No worries we have plenty, you can borrow something from us.” Wanda says closing her phone, before declaring that you should all get ready so you won’t be late. Nat and Wanda leave, then re-enter, your room carrying various dresses.

The dress you end up choosing is a midnight blue satin number. The top has a deep v on either side, exposing your back and a good portion of your cleavage. The top is tight to your body and gathers at your natural waistline before flaring out into a structured A-line skirt. You twist your hair up and pin it, pulling a few curls down to frame your face. Nat’s settled on an off the shoulder black, skin tight dress with a slit going all the way up her thigh. Her red hair clipped to one side giving it a wind-swept look. Wanda emerges in a long sleeve, scoop necked, mermaid style, maroon dress, opting to keep her hair loose for the evening. Pulling on your heels, Wanda shuffles you both out the door in the name of getting to the venue on time.

You wind up talking to Clint for a while and after ensuring he knows that you were not joking when you had asked him to teach you how to shoot a bow and arrow, you decide to go talk to Nat who's just been left by Wanda whose now at the bar talking to Vision and the rest of the boys.

“Well they all clean up nice” you say to Nat and she turns her head to face you.

“You know,” Nat says “ I think Wanda may like Vision.”

“Right!” you exclaim a touch too loud, realizing that you were slightly tipsy already. “We should set that up.” You stress to Nat who whole heartedly agrees. As the two of you make your way to the bar you can’t help but notice the small group of beautiful women who had gathered around Bucky. You couldn’t blame them, he’d slicked his hair back exposing his perfect jawline and the navy blue suit he was wearing brought out those eyes you liked so much.

You reach the bar and say “Someone’s popular tonight” nodding your head in Bucky’s direction

“Oh he always is, it’s the eyes,” says Steve

“and the hair” Sam chimes in

“20$ says it’s the arm, I know a few girls with a metal kink” you joke, causing Sam and Nat to burst out laughing and Steve to turn a lovely shade of red. The four of you talk for a while politely making conversation with anyone who came up for a chat.

“Jesus how stuffy can this party get.” you say while fanning yourself. Half falling off your chair you slur out an “ I gotta pee.” to the rest of the group before heading off to the bathroom. Exiting the restroom you manage to catch the tail end of a conversation between two smug, older, looking business men.

“I can’t believe Tony Stark is slumming it with mutants nowadays, what would his father think? I thought the commie soldier was bad, but this? Bringing in freaks of nature it’s too much who knows what they're capable of.” one of them says “Very well put, wouldn’t mind fucking her though she’s got a great ass.” the other one says looking right at you, almost as if he wanted to make sure you had heard him.

You bunch up the skirt of your dress in your hands and swiftly make a beeline to the nearest balcony. You can feel your chest tighten and your eyes start to well up. Stop it, you will yourself. Stop it right now. Don’t let them see you cry. You swing open the balcony's doors and finding no one there you exhale, resting your elbows down onto the banister, and dabbing away the few tears that had gathered in your eyes. Staring out into the lights of the city you focus on your breathing tuning out to the clatter of the party behind you.

You weren’t the only one to hear the man’s cruel words. Bucky had been standing nearby and overheard it as well. After seeing you practically run outside, he pulls himself away from the girl he’s been with all night promising to be right back, suddenly finding that the only thing he could think about was you.

A familiar voice breaks your silence and the noise from the party seeps back into your auditory field. “Hey, I said are you okay” the voice asks again.

Wiping away a tear and composing yourself before turning to face Bucky you smile brightly

“Never better, besides I’ve heard worse. I mean they said they’d fuck me, god what a compliment!” you scoff leaning back onto the railing. He rests his forearms on the banister and looks at you. “Well they did get one thing right”

“Ya, you're right, my ass is pretty great.” you say absentmindedly, causing him to laugh.

“No well , I mean yes, but bringing me in was definitely a bad move.”

“Oh, well that was a given” you quip back pushing yourself off the banister and straightening your dress.

Between the dress you had on and the way the loose strands of your hair were blowing gently in the fall breeze Bucky couldn’t help himself. Moving off of the banister he places his non-metal thumb under your chin drawing your gaze to him. He wants to kiss you right there, but not wanting to look like a fool, he waits for you to make the next move.

You meet his gaze and for a second you think you can see his eyes dart down to your lips. Figuring that the multiple glasses of champagne had got you imagining things, you turn your head away.

“You should get back in there I bet the girls are missing you.” you say, giving his bicep a gentle squeeze before walking back into the party. God if there was ever gonna be a moment it was then and you just blew it. You compartmentalize your mistake by ensuring yourself that your mind was simply playing tricks on you. He had tons of lovely women wanting to leave with him, why would he want to waste his time with you.

“Stupid” Bucky mutters to himself watching you leave. He was stupid to think you’d want to be with him. He just thought after that night in the kitchen that you felt something for him. He knew he felt something for you. Feeling upset by the rejection he decides to keep his promise and return to the girl from the party.

You walk back to Nat and Wanda making up some kind of excuse for taking so long.

After a while It was just the three of you. Sam and Bucky had left earlier with a couple of the girls and Steve and Vision had offered to help Tony clean up a bit. You convince Wanda and Nat to stay a bit longer, not wanting to run into, or hear, Bucky and his date in the room next door.

“God we have to have an actual night out” says Nat “not enough booze here and not enough dancing!”

“You know I think I know the perfect place,” you slur , “next time we go out your gonna see the underground of New York”

“Alright drunky,” Wanda says” let’s get you home.”

10 A.M., the next morning

You wake up with a dry mouth, feeling like shit, and regretting drinking so much last night. You cover your face with your hands and drag them down realizing that you had passed up on an opportunity to have a night of fun with Bucky. Before you can get too caught up in your thoughts you feel spit gathering in your mouth and you know you have to get to the toilet ASAP rocky. You make it to the toilet just in time before spilling your guts into the porcelain toilet. You have just enough time to fashion the belt of your dressing gown into a makeshift hair tie before vomiting again.

“Death!” you shout dramatically causing a distraught Sam to run into your room

“Whose death? Where?” he shouts jumping from side to side

“MINE!” you yell “I think I just threw up the equivalent of a human being.” You groan while crawling out of the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt, open nightgown and recently repurposed belt wrapped in your hair. The ridiculousness of your outfit causes Sam to erupt in laughter.

“Don’t move! I GOTTA get a picture of this” he exclaims with glee before running out of your room

“Samuel, don’t you dare!” You shriek chasing out after him passing by Bucky and the gorgeous brunette from the night before, and running into the kitchen.

“ Oh my god.” says Wanda stifling a laugh.

“Hey I think I look pretty good for a dead bitch!” you exclaim before striking a pose causing them both to laugh as Sam snaps a pic

After politely escorting the woman to the door, Bucky turns around just in time to see you running after Sam.

Following you into the kitchen he laughs at the line. He was amazed how different you were from the girl who had jumped through a moving cars window a few days earlier. You seemed lighter, happier. He knew he wanted to spend more time with you but didn’t want to ask you outright, especially after you had rejected him last night.

“Send me a copy of that will ya bird boy?” he says pouring out a cup of coffee

“So lover boy how was she?” Sam asks

“I don’t kiss and tell” he responds

“So that what the kids are calling sex nowadays” Wanda says with a smirk “huh who knew!”

You laugh along with the others, but you can’t stop yourself from feeling upset at the thought of him with someone else, still not fully understanding why

[kweebtrash]

Eres Mia (M)

Messy Chapter 8

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Angst, Smut, a smidge of fluff/awkwardness

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: mentions of drugs/alcohol, talks about suicide, the teeeeniest bit of violence, possibility of emotional manipulation, jealousy/possessiveness

Features: unprotected sex, creampies, rough fingering/finger sucking, oral/throat fucking, a little hint of bondage, rough hair grabbing, squirting, overstretching/gaping, daddy/princess dynamics, choking, relentless/brutal/deep thrusting, a bit of overstimulation/multiple orgasms, also being covered in cum

Word Count: 21,103K

A/N: So explanation about this chapter: It has some cultural references that maybe not everyone will get but I can explain them if anyone wants to send me a question about it. If you haven’t figured it out (or even just made a generalization) Eri is afro-carribean (the exact island is left vague on purpose, but it would be in the latinx part of the cluster). There’s also spanish in the chapter and tbh use google translate and if you still have problems again just message me.

Messy Masterlist   Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

The Boys Group Chat

Taeyong: 5

Lucas: what???

Ten: 5 what?

Taeyong: my score with Eri is at 5.

Lucas: HOLY FUCK

Taeil: OHHH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.

Ten: how?? When??? What???!

Taeyong: last night. Shower. Against the wall. In the bed twice. And our usual against the door.

Lucas: how tf did u manage that??

Lucas: i thought you hated her

Taeyong: i never hated her. It was just the drama and shit

Taeyong: like at the party i just didn’t want a fight to break out. i didn’t want the cops called or anything

Taeyong: so like i kicked her out but it was just because i knew she would have thrown the first punch

Lucas: well you aren’t really wrong

Lucas: i don’t blame you for not wanting the cops to show up

Taeyong: i had under 21 friends there. I didn’t want them to get in trouble

Ten: how did you even manage to get her to fuck you???

Taeyong: she called me actually. She was drunk af but sobered up before she got here

Ten: i cannot believe

Ten: i haven’t even been able to get with her AT ALL lately

Johnny: wtf is going on

Taeil: oooooooffff this is….

Ten: the tea brews itself

Johnny: Taeyong what did you say

Taeyong: i fucked your girl. She came to me instead of coming to you

Yuta: dude this is…

Johnny: don’t go near her again

Johnny: i mean it

Taeyong: dude i’m not scared of you

Taeyong: yall arent even official

Johnny: i don’t care

Johnny: dont touch her

Yuta: johnny quit it

Yuta: you can’t hog her to yourself

Yuta: just like jae can’t hog quinn

Ten: just admit ur jealous and move on.

Johnny: im not jealous

Johnny: you just dont deserve her after the stunt you pulled at the party

Taeyong: clearly i do because shes been thinking about fucking me for a long time

Taeyong: maybe even while shes been fucking you.

(Johnny has left the chat)

Ten: fuck

Yuta: this is getting fucking ridiculous

Yuta: i mean she texted me like when she was with him i think

Yuta: like she didnt care that she was with him and was being cute with me

Lucas: she flirts with everyone

Lucas: do you think she does actually wanna be with him?

Taeyong: who cares

Taeyong: fact of the matter is shes up for grabs

Taeyong: and if I wanna go after her i will

Yuta: WHOA WHOA

Yuta: you mean try and date her?

Ten: taeyong thats not a good idea

Taeyong: i never said id date her

Taeyong: but if shit happens, shit happens

Taeyong: thats all im saying

–

It was strange waking up in bed next to Taeyong. We had never done that before especially since the last time we were together we had to leave the office quickly. He looked strangely innocent when he slept, his shaggy hair ruffled and sticking up in random places and lips slightly pouted. I watched his chest rise and fall with each soft breath for a moment while I tried to keep my head from spinning. This…might have been a bad idea. I was in my feelings for Johnny and I knew that I only hooked up with Taeyong as a sort of rebound/revenge plot. I didn’t want to tell him that but I was sure we were still platonic enough that it didn’t matter. Taeyong wouldn’t make things weird or messy. This would just be a one time thing…or a five time thing. We may have gotten a bit carried away. He was tentative in the shower, making sure that I was still sober enough to be okay. He washed me, helped me wash my hair, and let the heated water run over me to warm me up. And when he slid down to wash my legs his lips met between my thighs and I couldn’t help but give in to his tongue.

He was no Taeil but he knew enough to make me try and steady myself against the slippery tile and grip onto his hair tightly. It was relaxing to finally get off by being eaten out, to just sit back and let him do all the work. It was definitely something I missed. After the shower, we dried off and he put me into some of his pjs (which were tight as all hell on me) and we relaxed in his bed. I got some more water in me and slowly weaned off the rest of the alcohol. Somewhere in the middle of trying to sleep we got lost in each other’s lips which somehow lead to him keeping me against his bedroom wall and fucking me as deep as he could go. Mid morning came and we didn’t want to get up. So of course the next option was to 69 then fuck me into the mattress. Just when I thought I would finally be able to leave he wouldn’t stop kissing me as I got to his bedroom door and we had a proper deja vu moment of last semester.

By the time I actually got home it was late at night and I was sore as all hell. I left him covered in hickies, scratches, and bite marks- my typical calling card- and he left me wanting to sleep for days. I collapsed on my bed unmoving for hours on end and barely making it to class the next day. Johnny was there of course and I tried my best to avoid him like the plague. That was always the hardest part. When we were on our highs, being next to each other radiated chemistry and we would rather pass the time sexting than paying attention. When we were on our lows, everything was ice cold and I detested even being within his vicinity. He still wouldn’t open up to me or even let me tell him that it was okay to cry. He didn’t need to worry about that with me. Of course he wouldn’t listen and we were stuck in a frozen tundra that didn’t let us move one way or the other. I tried my best to instead focus on studying for once. My grades were alright but they could definitely be better and I didn’t want to have to waste more money repeating classes. I spent my nights hitting the books and hoping I could retain enough information to pass. I was holed up in my room as usual when I heard knocking on the front door and i wondered if maybe Quinn forgot their keys. It seemed a little early for them to come home from being with Jae. I set my textbook down onto my desk and padded towards the living room. When I opened the door I hated what I saw.

His eyes were bright red and he reeked of menthol and weed. He leaned against the door frame, a big grin on his face that happiness didn’t seem to be the cause of. “What are you doing here?” I whispered in disbelief.

“What am i doing here?” He licked his lips and chuckled. “What are you doing fucking Taeyong?”

My eyes went wide. “Did he…did he tell you?”

“He told everyone in our chat. 5 times, huh? That a record or something?”

I backed away from him hating how he was acting and being hurt that what I did was blasted over some group chat. I couldn’t believe Taeyong would do something like that. I had stated plenty of times who i had hooked up with but it was on my terms, with my permission, not like gossiping around a watering hole. “You need to leave.” I swallowed hard and didn’t look at him. My voice was too unsteady for that.

I heard the door snap shut and looked up to find him looming over me. “Not a chance. Not until I make you forget all about that stupid bastard.”

He grabbed onto my sweater and pulled me towards him, easily overpowering me to crash his lips against mine. I clawed at his coat, digging into the soft fabric as I tried forcing myself away. I slammed the side of my fist into his chest and pushed him back. “NO! You don’t get to do this! You don’t get to come back into my life whenever you decide to! I’m not something to have at your convenience and I sure as hell don’t need you to keep leading me on.”

“Leading you on? Where am I leading you too?” His hands still had a hold of my neck and shoulders which I could not shake.

I could feel the tears already trying to come forth but i grounded myself, dug deep within me to stop them. “Leading me to you. I always get led back to you.”

“You don’t want to get led back to me.” He laughed. “I’m fuckin’ useless!”

I grabbed at his hands, wanting them off me. “Stop that! I’m not your fucking therapy and my purpose is not to fix you.”

“I don’t want to be fixed! I want to be fucked!”

“And that’s another layer to your goddamn problem, Johnny! Life isn’t all about diving into sex to make yourself forget! You need to reevaluate what’s going on in your life before you put your hands on someone else’s.”

“I don’t want you to have Taeyong on you.” He kissed me, gentler this time. “Or Lucas.” Another kiss. “Or Taeil.” A small lick. “Or Yuta.” He sucked on my bottom lip for a second before kissing me again. “Or anyone else.”

“You cant have me all to yourself. That isn’t how this works. You don’t want me, you only want what you see on the surface. You don’t give a shit about what’s beneath and you definitely don’t want to see it.”

He released me from his grasp and scoffed. “The surface? I’ve let you dig inside my brain more than anyone else in my life. You’re stuck inside there now, you can’t move. You know how sick i’ve felt, how weak i am, how less of a man i am-”

“Save that bullshit, Johnny! It’s not true! I told you it was okay to cry! It doesn’t mean you’re less of a man! It just means you’re a normal human being. Men can cry. Men can show emotion and they should. I just wanted to help…to be there for you.”

“You’re wrong. I’ve always had to be the man. There wasn’t any room for me to cry!” He screamed. “You want to talk about not wanting what’s beneath the surface? You’re already there, Eri. You’ve seen everything I could possibly hate to show anyone.”

“And yet you’re coming to me just so you can be buried inside something for an hour or two. That’s what it’s actually like to feel useless and discarded. I know you don’t fucking care and you never will.”

“This is starting to get messy…it’s a clusterfuck and it keeps growing.”

“You just keep fueling the fire.” I said. “I’m not going back. I can’t. My heart can’t take it. I hate seeing you like this. I hate hearing you like this and I want to help. I really do. But i can only take so much before you start swallowing me whole.”

He grabbed me again, pressing me against the door and trapping me between it and his body. “This is how you help.” His breath was heavy against my neck, tickling the sensitive skin there. I shuddered and failed to squirm away from him. “I know you’re not going to fix me. I can do that on my own, eventually, but right here, right now this is what I want.”

“Well i don’t.” The tears fell and i slammed my fist back against the door, pissed entirely that it was happening again. I shouldn’t be crying over him anymore. “I don’t want to be what you push inside of. You don’t want to know what’s really going on with me. You’d run away from me as much as I want to run from you.”

“You think i’d be scared of what you’ve done? What you’ve been through? Its nothing, Eri.” He grabbed my chin and and jerked my head to the side so he could growl in my ear. “I want you. Raw. Dirty.”

“You want me black out drunk? You want me with a broken hand through drywall? You want me bleeding out in a tub with a knife in my hand? You want me laying on the floor unable to breathe and falling in and out of consciousness? You want me running away from the one good thing i’ve ever had in my life?” My voice trembled again. “You want me hiding who i really am from my family? You want me watching myself be the cause of people’s hurt? Because that’s what’s really raw and dirty. Or do you just want to fuck as always?”

He hoisted me onto his waist suddenly, crushing me now to the point where i could barely breathe. I wrapped my legs around his as he shoved his forehead against mine. “Give me it. Give me all of it, Eri.”

I tried not to kiss him, i really did, but my heart shoved me towards it. My tongue slid out to creep into his mouth which he warmly accepted. It was angry, heated, rushed, and broken- like the entirety of our relationship. I was clutching onto him desperately as if I was trying to shock my system back into loathing him. It didn’t matter if I made drunken mistakes or if he made drugged out ones, every time, we somehow found a way back to each other as if we were tied with a string of fate. “Why?” I whispered when I finally caught my breath. “Why don’t you talk to me? For weeks at a time…it hurts…”

“Because i hate the way I feel about you.” He panted.

I licked my lips and hovered them over his. “How do you feel about me?”

He shook his head. “I…don’t worry about it. I’m faded as fuck right now. It won’t matter what I say.”

“Clearly it fucking does.”

“It’s only gonna get more fucked up between us.”

“It already is fucked up! Were fucked up! This whole shit is fucked up! We were supposed to hook up at the summer party and that’s it!!”

“Yeah and here you are fucking Taeyong and Yuta and whoever else you’d let inside you.”

I slapped him. The first time i’d ever wanted to hit him at all. I would’ve never laid a hand on him especially after all he had been through- i never wanted to be that person. Ever. But he crossed a fucking line and that small dangerous part of my brain was a ticking time bomb. He dropped me then and I fell right on my ass. I scrambled to get up as he stood there motionless.

“Dont…dont ever do that.” He whispered harshly.

“I didn’t want to! But don’t you ever come for who I sleep with! You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to be a hypocrite because you’re fucking jealous! What are you even jealous for? I’m not your girlfriend!”

“AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!”

I felt a stab of pain through my chest that hurt worse than anything I had ever felt before. Was this…was this what Jungwoo felt? Had karma finally come to get me and pay me back for what I did to him all those years ago? It felt like I couldn’t breathe but I could definitely feel the tears flowing down my cheeks like a river. His eyes went wide and he took a step towards me. I took one back before sprinting to my room. I slammed the door shut, pressing myself against it and sliding to the floor.

He pounded his fists against it, begging me to open it. I was afraid he was going to break through the wood with how hard he was rattling the door. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my thighs, staining my pajamas pants with tears.

“I-im sorry, ok?”

No you’re not.

“I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”

Well it is now, so fuck you.

“I don’t know what I really want, Eri.”

I guess…i don’t really know either. Should you even be my boyfriend at this point? What would I do once I had you? Would my fear of love go away? Or would you make it worse?

“I like when we spend time together. You’re cool as fuck but we…we cant be like that. You know that right? I don’t get with people and stay with them. We can only fuck…”

I hate you. Go away. Leave me alone.

“I guess i’m broken or whatever you want to call it but i’m not a charity case. I don’t want you to pity me or feel like you have to take care of me. Like you said, it’s not your job. But for right now…this is how I handle stuff, just like how you handle stuff your way, you know?”

By being a drunk partied out mess, i know. Hungry for attention, starving for someone to care for them, and completely barren of love but wanting to fill that void somehow.

“I’m not fine. I haven’t been fine for a long time. My anxiety never used to be this bad. I never even used to have night terrors or panic attacks. It just got worse after…after the first time i got…you know, what I told you about before. Then college happened and it was so much pressure and I wanted to make my mom proud and happy and take care of her because my dad never did. You know even when i felt so fucking empty around Rixi, i didn’t sleep for 2 whole days because I was studying my ass off for midterms just to keep my straight A’s?” He let out a soft chuckle. “I have a 4.0, hookup with dozens of girls, work three jobs, go to the gym, and try and do my art. When i say that i run on energy drinks and coffee i’m not kidding.”

That’s adding to your anxiety, stupid. And so is the weed. And your inability to FUCKING communicate. Why do you have to be such a stupid dumb….MAN all the time?!

“I know that doesn’t matter to you-”

It does because I know you’re hardworking and care about what you do. You’re a passionate soul and i love that about you. You’re so dedicated.

“But i dont know…i guess I wanted to tell you anyway. I’m not making excuses. I know what I do is my own damn fault but i just wanted you to know.”

I shifted slightly and reached up for the door handle, scooting away to pull it open slightly. I peeked my head through the gap and he looked at me, eyes a bit puffy as if he had been crying too. He wiped his nose and made it seem like he was put together in his typical Johnny fashion. I still didn’t say anything but he crept his hand closer to me and extended his pinky. I looked at it for a few seconds before locking mine around it. He was quiet for a bit, the tension remaining thick and heavy. The quietness was only interrupted by a few sniffles from the both of us. I wiped away at my tears, wanting to remind myself that this was proof. This was what always happened. Either i ended up drunk or ended up crying when it came to him. Or both for that matter.

I truly felt like i should continue to make myself suffer with him. One look of those soft brown eyes and honey-sweet lips would draw me in and his soothing voice would whisper caring thoughts and expressions. I saw the blushes he had when he talked to me, the way he seemed embarrassed or nervous, but there were always underlying signs that proved he didn’t like me. Most blatantly when he said-no, yelled- that i would never be his girlfriend. Logic told me to run. When had i ever put a man before me or anyone for that matter? Masochism told me that I enjoyed the pain of being rejected over and over again and that it was a game. Lust told me that i loved when he got jealous and growled in my ear. I wanted him to tell me that I was his as he fucked me so deep and hard that I couldn’t move. Greed told me that I wanted him all to myself. I wanted all the attention, all the love, all of him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And rationality? That bitch was nowhere to be found.

“What saved you…when you tried to um…kill yourself?”

My head snapped up at the question. It hadn’t been posed to me since I met Quinn three years ago. It was something that I blocked from my brain and never reopened. But this was a test, to see if he could really handle what was fucking wrong with me. I squeezed his pinky tighter and finally croaked. “Daniella. She’s uh…she’s my little sister. I traumatized a 10 year old by bleeding out in a bathtub and she called the police and my mom. She tried to stop the bleeding. She cried but she kept pushing through. She was….so mature in that moment. More than I had ever been. She wanted to be there when they admitted me. My mom didn’t believe what was going on- more so in a sense that she didn’t want to believe that her kid was sick. Just like she didn’t want to believe I was gay at first. Eventually, she saw past it. She saw how much I needed her and how much we didn’t want to lose each other. But yeah…that was…it was Dani.”

“You know, her Quinceanera is in a week and I can’t believe she’s already 15. It’s weird how time flies…how I can’t exactly remember it all.” I continued.

“Are you going? To the party i mean.” He asked.

I nodded. “I have to. I’m like in the…so it’s basically almost like a bridal party. It’s real weird. But they pair us up and we walk down an aisle and Dani will come out with her big poofy dress and everyone will look at her and sing ’Las Mañanitas’ blah blah blah. It’s a precursor wedding and weird tradition I hated. So i never had one. And now, mom gets to put all her spite of her not having one and me not having one into an over the top expensive party for Dani, but you know…don’t help me with my student loans or anything.”

“Oh…sounds like a…journey.” I let out a small laugh and he crept closer towards the gap. I opened the door a little bit more. “It was my mom for me.”

“What?” I whispered.

“I was ready to jump off my school building after I got with her. I would see her everywhere on my social media and around town. I had to hide everything about how she made me feel and I felt like I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I sat on the ledge for a long time, thinking about it and staring at the ground. Just as I decided I was going to jump, I got a text from my mom. It said ‘hi honey, hope you have a great day at school! I love you a lot.’” He rubbed at his eyes and looked away from me. “I still have it saved on my phone- transferred over each time I got a different one. I look at it sometimes when i feel like utter shit. Then I call her.” He sighed deeply and I pulled him closer to me, the door falling open wider. “Have I ever told you thank you?”

“W-what?” I asked, stunned.

“Thank you. For being there for me. When shit hit the fan basically. You and Jae pretty much helped me through a lot. Is that like…a part of working through this? Admitting when you’ve been helped?”

I nodded. “It’s a start…”

He got even closer and kissed me, our pinkies tightening and lips slow and steady. My will was wavering and I was kicking myself again. It never failed. I pulled away and turned my head away from his. He sighed and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make up for a lot of things, Johnny.”

“I know, princess. I know.”

“No, you don’t get to say that word to me anymore. That part is done. It’s only for people who know how to communicate.”

“Ok…” he said simply.

I let go of his hand and moved away from the door. He came through fully, sitting beside me now and set his arm around my waist. He kissed my temple then rested his chin on my shoulder. We stood quiet for a moment, trying to process everything. Nothing had gotten better at all. Everything was more confusing and more painful. I didn’t feel good and I didn’t want him here but at the same time I did. I looked over at his sad eyes, knowing he was truly sorry but still cementing the fact that I would never be his. Hurting was all I was good for and I accepted the karmic punishment.

I grabbed onto his shoulders and his eyes drew themselves to me. I laid nothing but whispers against his lips drawing him in to press himself against me and steal my breath away in a kiss. Gradually, our clothes began disappearing until we were naked in my bed, hands between each others thighs, stroking and thrusting until we were dirty with each other’s release. He didn’t let me go instead opting to grab my hips and keep me flush against me. “I want me on you. Not any of those assholes.”

“I’m not yours…”

“Tonight you are.” He dug his blunt nails into my hips and sunk his teeth into the base of my neck. It hurt with how hard he was biting down but I knew what he was doing; marking me so that whoever i was with next could see the deep bruise he was trying to leave behind. I clawed at his shoulders, whimpering pathetically and about to beg him to stop but he pulled away, pressing softer kisses to the deep marks instead. I shoved his head away seeing the playful smirk he had on his face.

“Ass…”

“You want a bite mark on your ass too?” he asked coyly.

I rolled my eyes and commanded him to get a towel to clean up the mess he made on my stomach. He gave me another kiss before scooting off the bed and heading towards my door. For a moment I thought I imagined it and had to blink twice but i saw him licking his fingers- the same ones that were inside me just a minute ago. He had never done that. Usually he’d wipe them on my sheets or something. I laid back and closed my eyes, tossing away any ideas of what that meant. I felt him on the bed again, gently wiping away his cum off my skin before laying himself between my thighs, his head on my chest. That also surprised me and i wished I knew what the fuck was going on in his head. Was it from all the weed? I didn’t really know how much he smoked before he got here. It could’ve been what helped set off his emotions and express his jealousy about Taeyong.

I wanted to pry at his stupid decisions and actions some more but I was slowly running out of energy to deal with arguing, anxiety, and my mood swings in such a short amount of time. I decided to lay in my self hatred with Johnny on top of me, our breaths flowing together into an easier rhythm. I closed my eyes and set my hand on his head. “Pet my hair.” He grumbled.

“You think that a half fuck is going to solve this?” I said, ignoring his request.

“No. We’re doing what we do best, hurting each other.”

“But why does it have to be like this?”

“Because it’s just who we are, Eri. It’s what we do. It’s how we function together. You want to call it off?”

“Call what off?”

“Being fuck buddies.” Yes was what I should have said. Instead, I shook my head and kept my eyes away from him. “Good…Because I don’t want to stop fucking you.”

“I don’t either…” I said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair now, pushing it back and feeling his sides that were grown out. "Remember when you asked me to feel alive?”

He nodded.

“Do that for me. Maybe me feel like I don’t fucking hate you for what you’ve done. Like i don’t want you more than I need to.”

He stilled against me and didn’t say anything. I could feel him looking at me and when I finally had the courage to meet his eyes I saw that he seemed to be hurt by my confession. Eventually, he mumbled a response. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

"Mostly i hate myself.” I hate myself for loving you.

“Dont, baby…” He turned my face towards his to continue our kiss. “You don’t need to hate yourself.”

“Just shut up, Johnny. Fuck me already.”

“Fine.” He growled and gave quick bites over my breast making me arch against him. I hissed slowly, gripping onto his shoulders and digging my nails into his skin. He morphed his bites into kisses, working to gather my nipple in his mouth to suck slowly but hungrily. Eventually, his kisses got even lower as he discarded my breasts in favor of moving down to the softness of my stomach. A little nibble beneath my rib cage jerked my body towards his mouth, edging my hips into eager swivels. I parted my lips to let out a sweet sigh and a small plead for him to keep going. His tongue dipped into my belly button, making me squirm against the wet heat. I inched my hands back to his hair to return him to my lips and stop his teasing but he had other plans. His hands suddenly came crashing down on my wrists, pinning them to the bed and practically crushing them. I winced at the pain and asked him to ease up but he only snapped at me.

“Shut up and don’t touch me, got it?”

“W-what are you doing?” I asked, nervously.

“Shut. Up.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, swallowing hard and full of worry more than sensuality. I tried taking deep breaths but I felt like I was getting more nervous. Johnny was quiet as ever but I could feel his breath tickling against my sensitivity. I licked the dryness from my lips and just as I was about to try and pull away from his hands I felt it. It was small and gentle, just the tip of his tongue working over my clit. My entire body tensed and I remained frozen in place. I feared scaring him, or worse, triggering him. We retreated into minutes of silence that made my heart race with worry. “J-Johnny? A-are you-?”

There were butterfly kisses to my clit before his tongue reached out once again. It covered the entirety of my lower lips, pressing a slick heat over me and gathering the cum left behind from his fingering to trail it back to my clit. He trapped the bit of nerves between his lips, suckling lightly. I knew he was being cautious due to nervousness and unease but it was also amazingly tender and sweet. I dug my teeth into my bottom lip and let out a moan hoping that he would take it as praise and a sign to continue. There was another long pause and my fingers curled in anticipation for more but there was nothing. I opened my eyes and looked down at him.

He was stationary, his eyes glancing over my center and lips trembling. The grip on my wrists got tighter, too tight for even my own liking. “Johnny…you need to let me go.” I said softly.

“No. I-i cant…”

“You can stop now, it’s ok but you’re hurting me. Come up here. Come kiss me, baby.” He looked defeated but saw the pain in my face and finally let my wrists go. I didn’t immediately shake out the numbing feeling and instead waited for him to crawl back up my torso. I held onto him as tight as I could, covering his lips, cheeks, neck in excited pecks. He did it. With me. It wasn’t complete or full or satisfying by any means but it meant so much. “You did so good, baby boy. So, so good.” I cooed.

He hid in my neck and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head quickly. “Don’t be. It was good. A great start, ok?”

“I wanted to try…a little at least so you don’t feel like i did when we fucked in the bathroom at the party. You shouldn’t want to feel alive with me because you’re numb. I don’t want that at all.”

“I just wanna feel good is all…” I held onto him tighter. “I don’t want to feel like i’m going to be thrown away.”

“I-i wont…” He swiftly slipped out of the bed and returned with a condom on. He whispered as he pulled my legs around him, pressing himself at my entrance. “I wont…”

“But you can’t promise that.” I swallowed hard and felt him sink into me inch by inch. The rest of my thoughts were voided by the methodical pace of him stretching me open. He ignored what I had said and instead focused on kissing everywhere he could reach as he thrusted slowly. My hands traced the length of his spine, resting in the center of his back and keeping him close. Inside my head I pleaded for him to not go slow, to not be intimate and stir up more dreadful feelings inside the pit of my stomach. Please just fuck me so I can be reminded of how shitty you are. Don’t remind me of how cute and caring you can be. I’m begging you Johnny.

I knew he couldn’t hear me so of course he didn’t stop rolling his hips to have his cock hit every space within me. He was panting softly, gentle moans mixing in every once in awhile. They sounded so precious and I couldn’t help but bury myself in his lips again. His hand pulled mine away from his back just so our fingers could intertwine. Nonono, stop that. For the love of god don’t do this to me.

He squeezed my hand tight and I felt my tears resurface. This is what scared me the most. Not him leaving or him ignoring me or throwing me away. This Johnny, the human, sentimental, emotional man that could have me fall into his arms (and bed) at the snap of his fingers. I was helpless against him and I just craved more and more torture. He kissed away my tears and nudged our foreheads together. “Hey…it’s okay.” He breathed.

It is not okay. It will never be ok. But he took care of me, stilling every so often to regain his composure as i could feel him throbbing and ready for another release. Worst of all was that I wanted him too. I wanted him to feel good, another hurtful self sacrifice because I cared so much about him. I gave him a soft plea to cum for me, which he took instantly. His free hand slipped between us, his thumb pressing small acts of pleasure into my clit as his other hand never left mine. He only squeezed my fingers tighter while my walls squeezed him the same way. Just at the very end his hips made quicker snaps, hitting the back of my thighs and making my back arch from the mattress. And in one fell breath i felt my stomach heat up and the most comforting sensation flowing within me.

My cheeks flushed as I had never felt anything like it before and wondered what the hell did he do differently. Maybe it was because i was so damn love drunk that it made everything seem better when i was with him. It wasn’t until he jerked out of me so harshly that I snapped my thighs shut. “O-ow! Johnny, what the-”

“The condom broke.” He trembled.

“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I had heard.

“Eri. The fucking condom broke.”

I looked down and could see his cum flowing out of me and staining the bed sheets, while the rubber had a slight tear across the tip. Our eyes met and panic slammed into me at full speed. “O-oh my fucking god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.”

“You’re on birth control right?” His voice was an octave or two higher.

“Well no shit! But it doesn’t magically mean it’s 100% full proof! People still get pregnant while on birth control.”

“I’M FULLY AWARE OF THAT ERI.”

“DON’T YELL AT ME.”

“I’M SORRY I JUST…” I noticed him staring at me which made me more uncomfortable.

“What? What else is wrong?” He shrugged but continued to stare. “Johnny. What is it?!”

“Nothing! It’s just…i mean-”

“Oh, you asshole!!” I flung my pillow straight at his face. “I’m literally fucking panicking and you think cumming inside me is hot!!”

“I’M SORRY!!! I’ve never done it before and it just…looks good, ok?!”

“You are the absolute worse and I CANNOT stand you!” I covered my face that was getting heated up by the second. How could he think about that while I was panicking? How could I think it felt good and perfect when i absolutely loathed cum (and was panicking)? We truly were fucking stupid.

“Hey, we’ll be ok. I know we will.” He said softly, reaching for my hand which i pulled away.

“Easy for you to say. You have the easy way out in case that happens.” I grumbled.

He kissed my forehead and laid beside me. “No I don’t, because I wouldn’t leave.”

I turned away from him, shoving my face into the mattress as I felt his cum sticky between my thighs. “Yeah right…”

“I’m serious….i’m not gonna be like my dad.”

“Alright well, we’re gonna stop talking about this. I’m gonna shower and you can go home so I can die in peace.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re not gonna die. It’s just cum.”

“I’m gay! All I am is dramatic!” I huffed as I felt all flustered now and wanted to get away from him. I stood up and cringed at the feeling of it sliding down my leg now. I awkwardly shuffled to pick up my already cum covered towel just to keep me decent enough to get to the bathroom.

“Can you stop saying that? Because i’m like…not a girl.”

I looked back at him. “Well no fucking shit, Johnny. It’s just a blanket term because you wouldn’t understand everything I identify as. Just roll with it. I don’t have time to explain.”

I grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom, locking the door tight. I tossed off my towel and turned on the water, sitting in the tub under the spray so i could suffer in silence. Eventually i ended up plugging the drain so i could sit in hot water for a bit and try and calm my nerves. I tried calling Quinn but didn’t get an answer, even texted them and still got nothing. They were still probably up Jaehyun’s ass or Taeil or someone else. I don’t know. I dialed again and waited patiently.

“Hello?”

“Doyoung, I need you please.”

“Be right there.”

He hung up as that was all he needed to know that something was wrong. I washed up, making sure to get as much of the cum out of me as possible, then rinsed and dried off. As i opened the bathroom door, Johnny was standing in the doorway, hand raised as he was going to knock. I glared at the lit blunt between his lips.

“’M leavin’.”

“Good. Bye. I have someone else coming over.”

He scoffed. “Wow. Okay. Fuck you too.” He turned away from me and headed towards my front door slamming it harshly behind him.

He made me so fucking irritated with his hot and cold bullshit. I trudged to my room and tossed my towel in the hamper, picking up my discarded pajamas and putting them back on. Around 15 or so minutes later Doyoung was in my room with an absolute cringey look on his face. “Look, i’m sorry but i needed someone to tell. You and Quinn are my closest friends and they’re not here. Please Doyoung…i know it’s gross.”

“You liked it…” he whispered.

“Please don’t remind me. I hate myself completely.”

“Why do you keep doing this, Eri? You are literally worth more than that.”

“I don’t know! I wish I knew. I wish I could just leave him but I can’t. Every time I’m mad, he shows me that side of him that I absolutely love.”

“That’s emotional manipulation.”

“It is not!” I protested. “Well…uh…maybe it is? But I don’t think he would be doing it intentionally? Why would he? He can get with anyone. He has gotten with a lot of people. I don’t think I would be any different. After all he blatantly said i’d never be his girlfriend.”

“And how did you feel about that?”

“I cried. Instantly. It hurt so fucking bad.”

“So we’ve come to the conclusion that a) he’s a fuckboy, b) he doesn’t want to be with you, c) he’s emotionally manipulative, and d) he couldn’t care less about what transpired tonight.” Doyoung gave me a shady look which made me shrink away like a scolded puppy.

“Well technically he said he would be there for me and then I kicked him out so…”

“And now you’re sticking up for him?”

“I’m not! I’m just stating facts. Doyoung, i know you’re totally and completely right. But i just…it feels weird. It feels different somehow.”

“I’m kind of sick of giving you advice and you ignoring it. It makes it seem like you don’t even care what I say.”

“No i do!” I grabbed onto his arm, sadly. “I do! i swear! I’m just a fucking idiot. I like to fuck up everything and keep myself down.”

“Why can’t you see that there are better people for you? Even ones that are right in front of you?”

I rested my head on his shoulder and set my hand in his, squeezing tight. “Doyoung, how can I…how can I stop when i love him?”

“It’s not easy to stop loving someone but…no offense- well a little offense because this is going to be hard to hear- you stopped loving Jungwoo because he loved you too much, you can stop loving Johnny because you love him too much too. You can run away and leave without giving him any explanation.”

I pulled away from Doyoung completely.

“I’m sorry for saying that and hurting you, but maybe it’s the kind of shit you need to snap out of it.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “And if you’re so worried about what might happen I can go to the pharmacy for you.”

“I-i just need time to think…” i said quietly.

“Well, you’ve got three days until it’s ineffective-or less effective or whatever. You can let me know ok?”

I nodded and felt him crush me to his chest. I held onto him for a long time, happy to feel a friends pure love rather than the tainted mess from my heart.

–

Johnny’s POV

“FUCKING SHIT!” I threw the beer bottle I just finished against my wall, watching it shatter into pieces. What the actual fuck just happened between Eri and I? Tonight was fucked up- no, beyond fucked up to the point where I just ended up more confused and angry then I was before. I paced back and forth across my room while thoughts zoomed in my brain. I tried to break everything down and figure out what i could so I could attempt to get my mind straight.

I was pissed off at Taeyong. He was such a smug little fuck about hooking up with Eri, blasting it all over the chat. And why were they counting how many times they hooked up with her like it was some sort of game? I didn’t want him anywhere near Eri. She was mi-. I stopped pacing for a moment. She wasn’t mine. She is not yours Johnny. She is NOT yours.

My pacing resumed. He didn’t deserve to touch her. And neither did those other assholes. I wanted her to myself. She’s mi-. As i grew close to the door i slammed my head against it, not too hard but enough to try and get it through my skull that Eri was not mine.

I had told her she would never be my girlfriend because I was angry. I knew it hurt her the second it came out of my mouth and I wished I could’ve taken it back. Our conversation was so back and forth she probably thought I was crazy. One minute I was mad, the other I wanted to be with her, comfort her, be inside her and make her feel good. I didn’t want her to feel like shit because of me but I was failing horribly.

What even possessed me to touch her like that? So slow and gentle? It felt like I was having an out of body experience and I watched who I wanted to be for her come out and take over. It was what I wanted to give her for the longest time. Something more stable to hold onto rather than whatever the fuck I was now. But that didn’t go over so well for my feelings. I was faded and more emotional than ever, a bad combination. I wanted to tell her what I felt for her but i don’t even think i’m too sure myself. Feelings were there but what kind? Did I have a crush? I liked her? Wanted to keep being fuck buddies? Did I love her? My body shuddered at the thought. I had never been in love before so how could I know?

I’ve always wanted to be in love and have someone to care about. I knew familiar love and friendship love but not romantic love. I wanted to take my girlfriend to the beach, to Korea, to visit countries across the globe. Take pictures of us for vacation scrapbooks and eat everything we could ever dream of. Go hiking with her and hold her hand so she wouldn’t trip on a branch and hurt herself. Laugh when we thought of a memory we had together or hold her as she cried. But i was also scared shitless of all of that. Could I even be that good of a person to her? I didn’t want to end up being a carbon copy of my dad. Why would I want to be the cause of my love’s suffering and leave them behind with a kid I didn’t care about?

Fuck.

The stupid condom.

I tossed myself onto my bed and groaned. I was scared of that too. I’m only 23 and work at a fucking coffee shop, what the hell was I gonna do with a kid? I’m sure we were gonna be okay but…it still made me a little queasy. Except for the fact that I thought cumming inside her was fucking hot. I was a complete jackass for thinking about it at a time like that but I couldn’t help it. Like me: worried to all hell and back about the condom breaking, also me: holy hell I want to do it again. I facepalmed myself and let out another frustrated groan. I was ready to just throw myself out a window rather than face my embarrassment and mistakes. Now Taeyong was probably going to be up her ass and I swear to god if he got with her I was personally going to go to his apartment and kick his ass.

I sat up and started taking off my clothes, figuring I could just sleep all this shit away and ignore it. I flung everything to a corner of my room and reached over to shut off my desk lamp. I noticed my little keychain that I had got at the bookstore resting on the desk. I picked it up and shut off the light before snuggling deep under the blankets. I kept the keychain close to me thinking of nothing but Eri as I went to sleep.

A week had passed since that weird half fight/half fuck between us and I was starting to get a taste of my own medicine. I hated not hearing from her and I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if by chance I missed anything. She hadn’t even posted on any of her social media that I followed her on. Whenever I would hang out with the guys at lunch none of them talked about her, not even Lucas. I had no idea what was going on. I tried to keep myself busy with school work but found myself thinking of her more than I needed too. Sometimes those thoughts implanted little sinister buds of sinfully delicious fantasies and in the midst of being hurt and confused about where we stood I was jacking off to thoughts of her more than I needed too. It was multiple times a day, whenever I was at home and it was starting to get on my nerves. I shouldn’t have been thinking about her like that when I was the cause of most of this mess but it couldn’t be helped. I was a stupid slut and would rather focus on that then the pain I caused her. I was in the middle of rutting against my hand and mattress only a few seconds away from cumming when my phone beside my pillow lit up. The brightness in the darkness of my room distracted me and I look at the screen, ready to ignore the notification until I saw who it was from. I wiped my hand on my sheets and snatched my phone up, unlocking it and going to the message.

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: hey

I typed in my simple response quickly.

Hey

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over

Fuck…did she actually want to hook up?

What for babe?

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇:  we need to talk.

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: asap

Talk about what?

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over and i’ll tell u dumbass

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: I mean it

Give me like 15 mins. Im busy

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: fine but dont keep me waiting.

I bit my lip and set my phone aside. It made me nervous to think about what she wanted to talk with me about. A small part of me was hoping that I could still get laid and have amazing makeup sex. But first…

–

Eri’s POV

I hated that I had to do this. With every fiber in my entire being. It was definitely up there with one of the worst decisions I would have to make. I didn’t want to talk to him or even make him think that I had forgiven him. I had purposefully ignored him like he had done to me so many times before. Even when he sent me the occasional text I left him on read. It felt good to have that power but I had to cut my reign of terror short when I realized that my problem needed a solution and fast. Time was running out and I exhausted all my resources. I knew I was going to regret this but it had to be done. My stomach was in knots as I waited for him. 15 minutes was a lie, it was over a half hour before he showed up at my place. His hair was damp and he smelled of fresh cologne and soap. I stared at him quizzically when I opened the door. He smiled at me, looking like he was happy to see me while I was mortified to see him. He wasn’t wearing anything fancy either. Just a white crew neck and some skinny jeans and winter coat but he still looked so damn good. Stupid fucker.

“Sooo…” he started, chewing on his bottom lip a little bit. I yanked him into my apartment and dragged him towards my room, slamming the door behind us. “Oh shit, ok.” He grabbed at his shirt, about to take it off when I stopped him.

“No! None of that!” I swatted at his hands. “That’s not what I called you over here for.”

“Oh…” he said, dejected.

I rolled my eyes. “Look, i don’t have any other choice. You were the last person on my list, so don’t like flatter yourself.”

“What is going on? You’re making me suspicious.”

I sighed. “Will you be my boyfriend?” Oh jesus christ no, not what I meant!!

“Excuse me WHAT?!” He screamed.

“AHHH FUCK, I MEANT PRETEND. PREEEETENND. PRETEND TO BE MY BOYFRIEND!!” I tried to correct myself.

“AGAIN, WHAT, AND I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, THE FUCK?!”

“Ugh! Okay okay, back peddling.” I took a deep breath trying not to fuck this up even more than I already had. “Just hear me out ok?”

“You better start talking asap, bro!”

“I need someone to come with me to my sister’s Quinceanera this weekend. I have literally asked every single one of my guy friends and they’re all "conveniently” busy. I seriously need help.“

"Why can’t you take Quinn or something?!”

I sighed. “Johnny, if I show up with a girl as my date my grandparents would disown me and it would make a huge scene at the party and I can’t take that away from Dani. My family has this thing where they obsess over asking me if I have a boyfriend or not. I’m the oldest cousin so according to them I should be married and pregnant by now. My mom tries her best to keep them at bay but if I just show up with someone they will at least be civil for this party. Please. I don’t have anyone else. I wouldn’t be asking you this if it wasn’t a huge deal for me.”

“Well that sounds like a personal problem. Sucks to suck.”

I was shocked that that was actually his response. It was a good effort I guess but I was stuck doing this alone. I hoped to all hell nothing would happen that would ruin this for my little sister. It was completely stupid that my family judged me based on who I loved or wanted to be with, that every question about my life had to revolve around me having a man. It always started with a blanket question, one that seemed innocent enough, but then veered into “when will you get a boyfriend?” territory. Not only that but I still had to be on the down low whenever I was with them. Dani knew and so did my mom who was still working to be supportive but that was it. I knew I couldn’t tell other people in my family. If I went alone I could just suck it up and be miserable the whole time which at this point looked to be my only option. “Sorry to bother you…” I said as i sat down at my desk. I lowered my head onto the top and tried to figure out a way to smooth things over with my family for one night.

“Eri…is this really that serious?”

I raised my head up and looked at him. “Yes. I just want things to go right with this, for her sake. I’m literally the black sheep of the family. I’m darker than everyone, my hair is curlier, i’m queer, i play in a heavy metal band, i’m not ultra feminine, and i’m as far away from traditional as possible.” I tried again to convince him. It was turning out to be more pathetic than I hoped for. “I will promise, like absolutely promise, to be nice and civil with you if you do this for me. Please Johnny?”

“What do I get in return?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Whatever you want. I’m too desperate to fight you on this.”

“Anything I want? You’re serious?” He asked. I could almost see the deviousness going on in his head and instantly regretted it. But I swallowed my pride.

“Anything.”

“Ok. I’ll think about what I want and let you know. I gotta dress up or something?”

“So you’ll do it?” I practically jumped out of my chair.

“Yeah, i’ll do it.”

“Fuck, you stupid bastard! You’re the best!” I threw myself on him, wrapping my arms around his neck in a tight hug. “It’s tomorrow night. We have to drive two hours to get to where I live. It won’t end until late so we can get a motel if we’re too tired to drive back.”

“A motel, huh?”

“Don’t even start, please.” I went to pull away but he set his hand on the small of my back, keeping me close.

“Tell me what you want me to do.” He lowered his head towards mine, getting dangerously close to my lips. I swallowed hard.

“W-well…wear something nice and don’t be an asshole. Um…pretend like I’m the greatest thing to ever grace your life? Hold my hand or something…or hold me in general. Follow all my lies and try to remember them. Be prepared to be grilled by every woman in my family and subject to a bunch of sexist and misogynistic comments from my stupid uncles. They’ll be some kids there running around and loud ass music. Um…you may have to dance with me.”

“Oof…I’m not a great dancer.”

“It’s fine, i don’t dance much either. Oh and don’t get drunk. Oh! And don’t let me get drunk. I think that’s the gist of it. I may think of other stuff on the way there. Is that all ok?”

He cupped my face in his hand while the other held mine. He lowered himself to my lips and kissed me gently, barely teasing my tongue with his own and making my heart feel like it was about to burst. When he pulled away my lips kept following him not wanting to let go. He chuckled softly and looked directly at me. “Mi amor, siento que no puedo vivir sin ti.”

I shoved him away. “BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

He cackled loudly, clutching at his stomach. “Is that “boyfriend” enough for you?”

“Where the hell did you pull that from?!”

“You said it’s a Quinceanera right? I figured I could put my 6 years of Spanish class to good use. How’d I do?” He was still laughing up a storm while I was ready to call off the whole thing. I couldn’t believe he would be able to possibly understand my stupid family.

“How much do you know?” I asked.

“Enough. I’ll mess up every now and again but I think i could pull off a conversation if I needed to.”

“Christ. Ok…If they say something to you just pretend you don’t know anything. I know they’re gonna talk shit and then you can come back and tell me. That’s all we’re gonna do, ok? Ok. I’m gonna throw up.”

“Why? I won’t mess this up, okay? I know she’s important to you. We’ll be civil remember?”

I looked up at him and nodded. “Thank you, Johnny. Seriously.”

He shrugged and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It’s cool. So what time is my hot date picking me up?”

“Probably around 4, i’m sure I’ll need to help set up and stuff. And help with makeup. We can get dressed at the motel because I do not want to walk in heels in the snow and i also don’t want to mess up my dress. Where I live my mom said that the snow is more melted and they have clearer sidewalks so I should be good there.”

“Alright, sounds good…so…what’s our plan for tonight?”

I raised my brow, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I came all the way here and I figured we might…We could practice for being a couple tomorrow.”

“You’re going to give me a bunch of hickies and I can’t have that.”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black. All you do is bite and scratch like a little chihuahua.” He laughed.

I stomped my foot down and huffed. “I am not a little chihuahua!”

“How about I make them where everyone can’t see? Then we won’t have any problems, hmm?”

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips together, hating how devilishly convincing he could be. He was a natural born flirt and it made me want to punch him. I nibbled my bottom lip contemplating if I should really give him the satisfaction. He pulled his coat off and yanked his shirt over his head, showing me his perfectly toned chest and how low slung his jeans were. Asshole. I grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans and pulled him close so we could crash our lips together. He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me, shoving his tongue past my teeth and coaxing me to moan in his mouth. I grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved him down so I could roll on top of him. “What’s the real reason you were late?” I asked as I dug my nails into his stomach.

“Jacking off.” He grabbed at my tshirt and tried pulled it up but I shoved his hands away and pinned his wrists down.

“I knew it, pig.”

“You act like you don’t do it. How many times have you showed me what you like doing when you’re alone, hmm? When we facetime and I call you late at night?” He teased.

“Shut up, Johnny. You’re so fucking annoying.” I dove my head down to bite at his chest, leaving harsh kisses in my wake. He tried moving his hands but i kept him pinned, liking the fact that he was the one squirming for once. I moved just a bit lower to land a few bites before licking through the center of his chest and up his throat. His entire body practically caved in on itself with how hard he shuddered.

“Fu-fuck…” He licked his lips and tossed his head back, moaning deeply. I blushed as I watched, feeling myself become victim to how good he looked. I resisted the urge to suck on his neck and went back to his chest, taking his nipple into my mouth. I knew this would truly make him squirm but i didn’t expect how hard his hips would buck. I moved my head away from him to over hover his face.

“You’re not being a very good boy are you?”

He opened one eye to glare at me. “When am I ever?”

“I think I should stop. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Oh don’t you play that game with me, Eri! That’s not fair!”

I moved away from him completely and made my way over to open my bedroom door. “Out.”

He sad up with an incredulous look on his face. “You’re kidding?!”

“You’re being bad so you get nothing. C'mon now.”

“I’ll be good then! Whatever the fuck that means!”

I shook my head. “I’ll pick you up at 4, ok?”

“Fuckin’ hell!” He got up, his jeans visibly tighter and pulled his shirt back over his head. He grabbed his coat and made his way out of my room with the biggest pout on his face. Just as he had stepped out of the door frame he turned back to me. “Can I ask you something?” He propped his forearm above his head on the frame and looked down at me.

“What?”

“Besides us freaking out…did you…did you like it when I came inside you?

My entire face felt like it was on fire and took a step back as if that would somehow prevent him from seeing my embarrassment. "I-i-i-i have n-noooo idea what you’re t-talking about!” I stuttered.

“I mean, did you like the way it felt inside you? Like how hot or how deep it was?”

“Please stop talking!” My voice was now a squeaky whisper.

Johnny smirked and ran his tongue over his teeth. “I guess that answers my question, doesn’t it? See ya tomorrow, Eri. And don’t forget, you owe me one.” He winked at me and headed towards my front door, leaving me more flustered than ever.

–

I spent the whole two hour ride telling him about which one of my aunts would grill him the most and which cousin got pregnant first and who’s baby daddy was a complete failure and which of my uncles was most likely to get drunk and cause a scene. I was sure he wouldn’t remember any of it but I was trying to over prepare him for the shit show that was my family. I also needed him to make a good impression so it would look like he was actually happy to be dating me. Fake dating me of course. We checked into the motel first and I spent most of my time being frustrated with my hair and trying to curl it the way I wanted it. It just barely cooperated and i wasted about half a can of hairspray trying to keep everything in place.

My makeup was more softer and neutral than normal to go with my pastel pink floor length sweetheart neckline dress (which made me feel lowkey so pretty). Dani’s theme colors were pink and mint so I was able to at least wear something I would like. Just as i had slipped on my gown i realized there was no way I could reach the zipper in the back. I huffed and squirmed, trying my damndest until I finally gave up. I opened the bathroom door just a crack and peeked out. My heart basically exploded and I wouldn’t normally say that my basement could flood in two seconds but this was definitely one of those times.

Johnny was checking himself out in the large mirror on the other side of the room. He wore black pinstripe pants that hugged his ass like a dream. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled to the elbows and a fitted grey vest covered his torso. He adjusted the black tie around his neck, fussing with it until he seemed comfortable enough. He had an extremely nice watch on one wrist and a silver chain bracelet on the other. A few simple rings decorated his fingers and his black dress shoes seemed to sparkle in the fluorescent lighting. His hair was even freshly faded and his bangs trimmed and slicked back. Lord have mercy I wanted to die. I swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths before I called out to him.

His honey brown eyes shot up to look at me and I gripped the handle of the bathroom door tighter. “What?”

“Could you um…help me zip my dress?”

He sauntered over to me I tried to keep myself within the tiny gap of the open door but he pushed it open leaving me exposed to all of his handsome glory. He found the zipper and slid it up slowly, making sure the fabric didn’t get caught in it. “Do you want me to tie the sash thing too?” I nodded meekly and felt his hands smooth over the fabric under my chest and slide back to gather the ends to tie into a bow. It was such a simple thing to do but it had my body turning warmer by the second. I caught him looking at me in the reflection of the mirror above the sink once he was done. He looked shocked, licking his lips as if he was trying to say something but not being able to get anything out. I turned my head back towards him.

“Do I…do I look okay?”

He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Yeah, you look alright.”

“Oh…” I said softly. Just alright.

“I mean like you look good, you know? Um…yeah, real good.”

I avoided looking at him as I slipped out the bathroom. I didn’t have that much time left before we had to head over and I still had to wiggle my feet into heels that I was sure would break my ankles as soon as I got into them. I struggled to get them strapped around my ankles, huffing when my boobs got in my way as I doubled over to reach my feet. I sat down at the small desk and tried to angle myself another way but it was still just as frustrating. “Need help with that too?” He asked.

I nodded, defeated and he came in front of me, landing on one knee. He slid my dress up to my thigh and took my foot in his hands, delicately securing the straps around my ankle. I couldn’t help but feel like Cinderella in that moment, even if my so called prince charming was a fuck boy. “Thanks.” I said softly as I stood up. He rose to his feet too and it was weird to almost be face to face with him, instead of staring at his chest.

“Oh, i don’t like this.” He joked. “I’d like you to stay mini sized.”

“Yeah well they won’t be on for long. They’re already killing me. I just need to get through the walk and first dance and then i’m tossing them.” I nibbled my lip for a moment before pressing them to his, which seemed to catch him a little off guard. “Hmm, it’s nice to not have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss you.”

“Hm, let’s hope that walk goes fast. I don’t like those heels either.” He smiled at me and offered his arm. “Ready now?”

I grabbed my clutch from atop the desk and nodded. “You have the room key right?”

“Yep.” We headed out of the room and towards the parking lot to my car. “You know, the pastel pink is really nice with your skin tone.”

I straightened up at his compliment. “You really think so?”

He opened the door to my car and lead me to sit down. “I know so.”

I laughed nervously. “A-are you practicing your boyfriend skills?” I tried to make it sound like a joke but he just shrugged and went over to the passenger side to get in. I swallowed hard and clicked my seat belt into place before revving up the engine. “Oh, remember how I said if I told you my government name I’d have to kill you?”

“Yeah?”

“Well you’re going to hear it tonight and if you so much as ever repeat it you won’t have a dick, got it?”

“Why not? It can’t be that bad!”

“Trust me, it definitely is.”

–

“ERIANNALISSE!”

I cringed. I cringed hard and wanted to shrink away into a minuscule molecule and be non existent. I didn’t even want to look at Johnny to see what he was going to say. I could practically hear him trying to cover up his snickers. I sighed and put on a fake smile as my aunt came to me with arms wide open to capture me in a death grip hug that could snap my spine in half. “Ay, mija! Look at you, you look so pretty!” She paused. “Have you gained weight?”

“Nice to see you too, Titi.” I grit my teeth and tried to ignore her shade. Her eyes went over to Johnny, looking him up and down and squinting her eyes a bit.

“Eriannalisse, quien es este?” She asked who Johnny was.

I grabbed onto his arm, digging my nails into his bicep. “This is my….boyfriend, Johnny.”

He waved and grimaced through my death grip. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Hm…” Was all my aunt said. “Titi Carmen has been wanting to see you. I’m sure she’d want to meet…Johnny.”

“Yeah, i’ll go see her in a bit! I have to find mami and Dani first.”

My aunt kissed both of my cheeks and left to go join the gossiping group of women in my family who all suddenly turned their gazes from their champagne flutes to Johnny and I. I turned my back towards them and looked up at Johnny. “I will literally pay you .25 cents to kill me. Just make it quick.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Eriannalisse. What’s the worst that could happen?”  He smirked and laughed a bit which made me frown.

“Johnny, I told you don’t call me that. I’m serious. They can call me that because they don’t recognize who I am as a person. You can’t.”

“O-oh…is it a gay thing? Like one of your gay things that you won’t explain to me?”

I sighed and looked down at my feet. “Yeah, sort of. I’ll explain it to you eventually. Just not now ok?”

He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “Ok, i’m sorry. I won’t say it again.” He leaned down just a bit and gave me a soft (rated PG) kiss which made me smile.

“It’s just hard being around them…I wish it would be a fun time but-” I suddenly heard vicious clacking before arms were thrown around my shoulders.

“ERIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!” I recognized the overly excited voice and looked up at my modelesque baby sister. “I missed you so much!”

I kissed her cheek and turned around to properly hug her. “Hey, happy birthday.”

“You’re like almost my height!” She said, looking down at my heels. Dani was so graciously blessed with being 5’8”, skinny, with straighter hair and caramel skin as opposed to my milk chocolate. Her eyes were the perfect shade of hazel with flecks of green that sparkled perfectly. She was only my half sister as our fathers were different but we were raised both the same, save for the fact that she was a model and I was the throw away. “You look so pretty. I’m glad you’re not in black- Yooooooooooo, who is THIS!?” Her attention turned to Johnny, her eyes wide and mouth practically watering.

“Uh…hey.” he said sheepishly.

“This is my boyfriend, Johnny.”

Dani laughed and slapped my shoulder. “No, really!? Who is he?”

I pouted. “I’m serious. He’s my boyfriend.”

Dani looked at me then stepped up to Johnny. “What’s her favorite color?”

“Pastel pink.” He answered.

“Favorite food?”

“Pizza…and pasta.”

“What instruments can she play?”

“Guitar, and she sings.”

“What’s her favorite anime?”

“Sailor Moon.”

Dani squinted her eyes. “When’s her birthday?”

Fuck, he didn’t know that. I grabbed Dani’s arm, trying to get her attention from ruining our facade. “Dani, can you not grill him please? It’s bad enough Titi Lisa and probably Titi Carmen are talking shit about us already. Also, I haven’t told mom yet.”

“You haven’t told mom yet?! How long have you been dating?”

“It’ll be four months in December.” Johnny added. “We started dating right when the semester started. We have a class together and I thought she was cute so,” He shrugged. “Here we are.”

“Yeah but you’re hot. Eri has never dated anyone this hot before.”

“Well gee, thanks Dani! And i’ve dated cute people before!”

“Yeah cute, not hot. He’s hot. If you’re not going to keep him, I’ll take him.”

“You’re fifteen!” Johnny and I said at the same time.

Dani shrugged. “I mean…”

I held my hand up. “Don’t even go there. He’s like-” How old was Johnny anyway? “Way older than you. Stop being an instagram thot for once. Where’s mami? I need to know when she wants us to line up and start this.”

“I think at 8 exactly, but she’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I’ve just been chilling with my friends for now. This dress weighs like 50 pounds and I’m sweating like a whore in church.” Dani fanned at herself and hiked up the bodice of her dress. I looked at her poofy dress that was a beautiful array of soft Monet colors but way too 90’s barbie cake topper. It wouldn’t have been my first choice but I was sure mami wanted it to look as traditional as possible. “Oh, by the wayyyy, I know you have a boyfriend now but mami invited Josue.”

I straightened up completely when I heard that name. Josue was my childhood crush. He was older than me and I never stood a chance with him but we always played together. Once we kissed in my backyard and told me that he wanted to play house with me and be the daddy. I had been in love with him up until I was 12 when he moved away to a different state. “Jo-Josue? He’s coming? Here? Tonight?” I squeaked.

“Who’s Josue?” Johnny interjected.

“Josue is Eri’s big ol’ crush from when she was younger. All they did was play house together and be mommy and daddy and make kissy faces at each other. Then they kissed for real and he touched her chichi’s! But they never lived happily ever after because he moved away.”

“Dani, por favor, why do you have to be like this? I’m just happy to know he’s going to be here. I haven’t even seen him in like…almost 7 years. Besides I’m with Johnny now so it doesn’t matter.” I forced his arm around my waist and he clutched onto it tightly.

“Uh-huh whatever. Have you not followed him on Insta? There’s a lot of nice gym pictures. He hit a growth spurt. He’s like 6”3’ now.”

I swallowed hard. “Really? O-oh wow…”

“Sounds like a tool.” Johnny scoffed. “Ya’ll got beer at this place?”

Dani nodded towards the bar at the back of the venue. “Just fight my uncles off before they drink them all.”

“Cool.” He dipped out completely, leaving me and my sister to be swept away by our mother who had just stepped in like she was out of breath. She hustled to get us all lined up and ready like a bridal party ready to walk down the aisle. I sighed as I stayed in place, shuffling a bit as my feet already started to hurt. My mind started wandering to my childhood crush. Memories started bubbling to the surface; he had been my first kiss, the first to get to second base, and the first person I had wanted to be my boyfriend. He was three years older than me and I didn’t stand a chance with him. But his name was written all over my notebooks until I got my first girlfriend.

I couldn’t help but peek around a bit, wondering if he was already in the venue. I didn’t have much time to investigate as our entrance music started playing and pair by pair we walked into the main dance floor. I was walking with one of my younger cousin’s who I rarely spoke with so I barely paid attention. He had to yank me back a bit when I walked too fast and it made me want to punch him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny leaning against the back wall nursing a beer and watching me intensely. I smiled in his direction, letting him know I was still trying to be civil but he just took another sip and shoved his hand into his pocket. I wondered if he was ignoring me on purpose or if he genuinely didn’t see me. I chewed on my bottom lip almost getting swept up in my thoughts, that was until I saw Dani walking into the room.

Even though I had seen her just minutes ago now that all eyes were on her she looked sparkling and glowing. I’d never seen her look so beautiful before and it brought tears to my eyes that I tried wiping away as soon as they surfaced. I was a proud sibling then. She meant so much to me that I hoped that this day always reminded her of the happiest times she had in her life. We had our ups and downs but for the most part I was always there for her as much as she was there for me. She embarrassed me and I made sure I had to keep her in place before she got too out of hand. Even though I was far away from home now, I knew we would always remain close.

The floor was hers now and we dispersed to let her have the spotlight. I retreated to one of the circular tables while her and our mom shared a dance. It was normally meant for a daughter and her father but since neither of us had them in our lives our mother was the one who deserved to have that dance. I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see Johnny sitting behind me at the table. “Want some?” He said, offering the beer which i denied.

“I hate that kind. I’ll leave you too it.”

“She looks nice.”

“She’s a little shit but I love her.”

“I could say the same about you.”

I whipped my head around to stare at him wide eyed. “W-what?”

“I meant like you’re chill! Like i like you. Not like like you but like we’re cool. Uh…you know.” I stammered.

“Right…yeah, um…ok.”

“You wanna dance?!” He said, changing the subject quickly. Dani and my mother had finished their sentimental dance and the dj had switched to some reggaeton/trap mix Dani most likely requested.

“Uh, you mean make a fool out of ourselves?”

He shrugged and chugged down the rest of the beer in a few gulps. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. My cousins were already grinding with whoever they invited or dancing in groups and laughing. We could probably blend in without being too weird. I kicked off my heels and stood up, extending my hand for him to take. I should’ve had a drink before I even agreed to this. My stomach was already in knots and my anxiety was making me feel like I was going to look stupid but he took my hand and we found a spot in a little corner of the dance floor. I stood in front of him waiting for him to make a move but he just stood there with his hands in his pockets. Why the hell did he keep doing that? Was it a nervous habit?

“So…” he said.

“Are you gonna like…move?”

“I’ve never danced to this sort of music. What do I do?”

“Literally it’s the same as rap music in english. You just sorta…” I gestured towards my family. “Grind on each other and act a fool.”

“So you turn around and just like put your ass against me?”

“Oh my God, have you never done that before?”

“Listen I was a dork and went to high school with a bunch of white kids and we like listened to Ke$ha and Britney Spears. What do you want from me?” He laughed.

“That’s unfortunate.” I joked. I turned around so my back was against his chest and I set his hands on my hips. “I’m not the best but I figure I can put my ass to use.” I worked myself back against him, swaying to the music a bit in hopes of getting him to respond.

Instead he laughed nervously and held my waist tighter. “How do people not get boners doing this?”

“I mean that’s what the song 'Too Close’ is about. Don’t tell me this is turning you on already.” I teased.

He lowered himself to face level and turned my head towards his to kiss me. I held it for a bit, enjoying the way the warmth of his tongue flowed over mine until I realized if my mom caught me doing this my ass would be grass. I pushed him back gently. “Johnny! I can’t do that. Behave!”

“C'mon, I at least need to have a little bit of fun while I’m here. And then when we get back to the motel we can-”

I felt a tap on my shoulder then. Johnny and I both looked up to see a tall, absolutely golden, green eyed adonis that looked like he could pick me up and toss me around in an instant. If I could have heart eyes I definitely would. I let go of Johnny instantly, almost pushing him away as my heart started to skip beats.

“Eri!” I knew it was him instantly even if puberty hit him like a freight train and gave him a deep bass-y voice that made my hair stand on end. He opened his arms to scoop me up and crush me to his barrel chest which smelled of high priced cologne. My feet dangled just a bit when he lifted me. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Oh my god, Josue…Jesus, you’re huge.” God I hoped he was huge everywhere.

He laughed and I tried not to show how much it affected me. “Oh yeah, I’m really into that health and fitness thing. You really uh…wow. Definitely not a teeny bopper anymore.” He set me back down and adjusted the sleeves of his suit jacket.

“Yep! Got bigger boobs now, haha!” Why did I say that? WHY???

He licked his lips a smiled a bit. “I can definitely see that.”

Johnny cleared his throat deeply. Josue turned his attention to the man behind me. “Oh hey, I’m Josue. Who are you?”

“I’m her boy-”

“This is just Johnny!” I interjected with a nervous laugh. “Just Johnny! Want to go get something to drink? We can catch up!”

Josue flashed his incredibly perfect teeth. “Yeah I’d love that.” He set his giant hand against the small of my back ushering me away from Johnny.

“Eri!” Johnny said sternly.

“I’ll just be quick!” I mouthed to him, letting myself get whisked away. He didn’t seem too happy about that but I could let him sulk for a bit. I was too preoccupied at the moment anyway.

–

Johnny’s POV

That was fucked up. Way more than fucked up and I was pissed off beyond belief. She was the one who begged me to come with her so she would survive her family. Now she was head over heels for some dude she had a crush on years ago who looked like the biggest douchebag to ever exist. He was taller than me and more built, had perfect teeth and no lisp. I wanted to punch him dead in the jaw.

I didn’t know what to do now. If I went after her it might cause a scene which I didn’t completely want. I still knew that this party was important to her sister and unlike her I wasn’t being an asshole for once. I could get another drink and maybe get away with being a little tipsy but her loud uncles were hogging up the space and the bartender’s attention. I grumbled as I sat back down at the table. my arms crossed as I contemplated leaving her and going back to the motel by myself.

"What are you pouting for?!” Dani said as she plopped down next to me, her poofy dress seeming to expand.

“Nothing.”

“Where’s Eri?”

“With precious Josue.” I said bitterly.

“Ah, so he finally found her. I knew he would.” She drummed her nails on the table thinking over her next statement. “You’re not dating my sister are you?”

“It’s complicated…”

“You’re fuck buddies?”

“Yes.”

“I figured as much. She can’t never lie right when it comes to me. So, you’re in love with her then?”

I snapped my head towards her. “Excuse me?”

“You’re in love with her right? I mean that’s the only reason you would be sulking over her because Eri went off with her new papi.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not sulking.” She was definitely Eri’s sister with how she blurted out things without consequence.

“Look, if you want to win her over you need to definitely do something that will make her remember you. Not that I want to hear about my sister’s sex life or even think about her getting p or v action, but if you got something she might like, go for it. And do it before she ends up going to Josue’s hotel.” She craned her neck to see where Eri and that asshole had gone off too. “Looks like he may have already given her his number.”

I looked in the same direction, my anger only getting stronger. They were huddled over their phones, laughing, with Eri casually (but noticeably) keeping her hands on him. I didn’t want to “win her over”. I wanted to stake my claim and tell him to fuck right off. The grip on my biceps got tighter the more I stared at them. “Ay, you got a younger brother?”

I turned my attention back to Dani, a bit grateful that she was distracting me enough to not go apeshit. “What? No? I’m an only child.”

“Wack. But like if you’re not gonna date Eri then likeeee…”

“You’re fifteen! I’m not going to jail nor am I interested.”

“Ok, ok…but like do you have any younger friends? What flavor Asian are you? Chinese? Or like them ones that dance on tv? The um…the Korean ones!”

“Oh my God.” I ran a hand over my face. “Yes I’m Korean. And no I don’t have any friends your age. My only young friend in Toronto is 18, which is still illegal.”

“Dammit. You know Eri be listening to that stuff right?”

I pulled out my phone, wanting her to take a hint that she was now annoying me without being too rude. “Doesn’t surprise me when she fucks half of Asia.”

“All her hookups are with Asian guys?”

“As far as I’m aware. But who fuckin’ knows.”

“Oooohhh I gotta mess with her about that. Guess she trying to get that carribean dick now.” She cackled and slapped my back hard as she got up. “Call me, ok?!” She said as she finally left me to join the gaggle of teenage girls that were her friends.

I rubbed my temples and took a few deeps breaths. I needed a smoke, badly. I looked to see if Eri was still stuck to Josue’s side but they were nowhere to be found. I looked around the dance floor trying to see if they might have gone there. Sure enough she was grinding on him now, definitely not as awkward as she had been with me. She was practically bent over and ready to get fucked by him. Fuck it. I stood up and weaved through everyone dancing to make my way over to her. I stood in front of her, watching as she came up from shaking her ass.

“Can we help you?” Josue yelled over the music to me. I rolled my eyes at him and took Eri’s chin in my hand giving her a deep kiss. She stumbled back a bit and gripped onto my vest. When i pulled away i licked my lips, tasting the slight flavor of her lipstick.

“Johnny!” She exclaimed.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, in his macho voice, trying to one up me.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” I grabbed onto Eri’s waist and kept her close to me. “She’s MY girlfriend. You had your fun catching up right?”

“Eri, you didn’t tell me-”

She looked panicked as she glanced between us. “No, wait- It’s just-”

“Come with me.” I growled in her ear. “Now.”

“Johnny , I swear to g-” I kept my arm around her waist and lead her towards the front door of the venue. When we were in the clear she whipped around to face me. “What the actual fuck?!”

“I should be asking you the same thing! You’re really gonna ditch me to throw yourself on him? After you begged me to come here?!”

“I wasn’t throwing myself on him! We haven’t seen each other in 7 years! So excuse me if I wanted to talk with him.”

“Hard to talk to him with his dick practically in your mouth! What is wrong with you?!”

“Why are you being such a jerk again! You always do this!” She yelled.

“You’re the one being the jerk this time! I’m fuckin’ pissed. When are we leaving?”

“Leaving?! I have to stay here for at least a few hours! Clearly you don’t know how these go.”

“No, Eri, i fuckin’ don’t. But I do know that you going off with someone else while I’m supposed to be your boyfriend blows our entire cover. So either you fucking act right or I can leave right now. You sister already knows were lying.”

“Fuck!” She stomped her foot and sighed. “I knew she would figure it out. She better not tell anyone.”

“I’m pretty sure she won’t have to with you being stupid. Get me my cigs from your purse wallet thingy.”

“Get you-? Get it yourself! I’m freezing and I’m going back inside. And maybe i’ll still be talking with Josue!”

I grabbed her arm and held onto it. “Eri, do you want to go there? Really want to go there?” My eyes caught hers and i could see how hard she swallowed. Her chest was heaving chest a bit and trembling with the cold.

“What are you going to do?” She sniffled.

“Do you want to find out?”

“M-maybe.”

I let her go then opened the door, guiding her back inside. “Then keep it up. I dare you.”

She stayed quiet then but shuffled ahead of me quickly. I realized I had made her walk outside without her shoes on or our coats but it was whatever at this point. I needed her to know that I wasn’t playing games any more. She was mine.

–*

Eri’s POV

I could barely keep up with Johnny’s long strides from the parking lot to the door of our motel room. He continued his little tyrade of sticking by me and keeping me from Josue, never letting go of my hand, or my waist, even when he went through the ringer of meeting more members of my family. Him being pissed off had me pissed off and it didn’t help when my family told me how fat I looked, or asked when Johnny and I were getting married, or why I had spent so much time in college, or even that what I was studying wasn’t going to get me a real job. It made the entire rest of the night absolutely fucking miserable. Not to mention when I told my mother I was going to spend the night in the motel with Johnny instead of driving home at midnight she blew up on me, saying that it wasn’t right and insisting that I stay at the house. I refused to and I had no idea why she still thought I was some sort of Virgin de Guadalupe or some shit. It was another fight to end this magical night. I gave up and just wanted to take a hot shower, put on my fuzzy pajamas on and possibly smoother Johnny with a pillow as he slept.

Johnny barged into our room, not even bothering to hold the door open for me. I didn’t even want to deal with him since I was still mad at my mother for treating me like a child. I went straight to prepping for my shower, tossing my clutch and fake eyelashes on the desk and my phone on the bed so i could plug it in to charge. I unzipped the dress as best as I could without his assistance and shimmied out of it, leaving it a puddle in front of the bed. I didn’t care anymore. Not one bit. After I showered I pulled the too short towel around me and went back into the shared space. Johnny was sitting in the chair, feet propped up on the desk and tie loosened. He was glaring at me and I swallowed hard at the intensity. He dropped his legs and leaned forward in the seat, undoing the first few buttons on his dress shirt.

I tried to ignore the effect he had on me and instead went to my duffel bag to try and find my pajamas. He stopped me as I passed by him, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in front of him. “Ow! What’s your problem now?!” I asked, still trying to clutch onto my towel so it wouldn’t fall.

“This night was complete bullshit. I’m your boyfriend and all you could do was throw yourself onto that guy and embarrass me in front of everyone.”

“I wasn’t throwing myself on him!” I argued again. I hated that he was saying that. So what if I found Josue incredibly attractive and felt like a preteen again as soon as I saw him? That was my business and not Johnny’s.

“You grinded on him, got his number, and had your arms around him for minutes on end. You made me look stupid. I’m your boyfriend, Eri.”

“Fake boyfriend.” I corrected.

“That’s what I meant.”

“Why should you be embarrassed then?!”

“Because your uncles didn’t think that I was man enough to keep you with me. And your aunts talked shit about me all night.” He pressed himself up against me making the edge of the desk dig into my lower back. “You said you were going to be civil and you were far from civil.” He set his hands on either side of my hips, keeping me in place.

“A-ah, Johnny…back u-up.” I whimpered and avoided looking at him but he grabbed my face roughly.

“You wanna try that shit again, Eri? Hmm?”

I could feel his fingers digging harshly into my jaw. “I didn’t do anything wrong! You’re just a jealous prick that-”

He pulled away from me and shoved me back onto the bed, instantly hovering over me. My towel fell open just like my legs and he pinned both my wrists above my head in one of his large hands. I swallowed hard and felt my heartbeat increase. I had no idea what had gotten into him and i was partially thinking about what Doyoung had said about Johnny. Was he actually trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad for being with Josue? I bit my lip as I thought, wondering what his next move would be. “Get off me.” I tried to sound strong but it was a pathetic attempt.

“Open.” He demanded.

“W-what?” What the hell did he want? I figured it out quickly as three of his fingers dove down my throat almost making me gag. I squirmed against him, trying to edge my head away but he was adding more of his weight onto me as his fingers plowed into my mouth. His knee was pressed right into my center, the residual wetness from the shower dampening the fabric. I tried swallowing around the invasion when his knee started to rock into me.

“Suck harder, Eri.”

I didn’t dare look at him. His voice was doing something to me as always. Stirring the pot of emotions and hormones that made me fall into a space of complete submission. This wasn’t like his usual ways though throughout or hookups I could see the dominance poking through. Now he was another person that I was desperate to get to know. I tried my best to suck deeper at his fingers, sliding my tongue around them and providing them all the wetness they hopefully needed. I knew exactly where they were going and i was going to be stretched far beyond my imagination. With his thrust his rings kissed my lips, shocking me with a bit of cold and excitement. I edged my tongue around the silver as best I could given the invasion that took up most of my mouth. Slowly the metal warmed up and I pressed my thighs against his, feeling a tingling throughout my center.

He pulled his hand away sharply, making me cough as his glistening fingers dove lower. Two were rushed inside me making my knees jerk up towards my chest and toes curl. I was already crying out his name, wanting him to slow down just enough for me to catch my breath and adjust but he ignored me. Instead he was working in the third finger, forcing my walls to flex and waver around him. He was already digging my arousal out of me. I could hear it so blatantly echoing in our room. I buried my face in my arm beside my head, still being unable to free my hands though I struggled as much as I could. He seemed to like that struggle as his fingers curled deep inside me, knuckles pressing against my entrance, the rings threatening to push past and fill me up too.

“Fuck, Johnny!!!” I cried out as my thighs almost snapped shut. It was starting to be too much and I could feel myself already crawling towards an orgasm.

“Quiet.” Was all he said as he pulled his fingers out to give me some relief from the pressure. I was throbbing and gaping around the stretch he left behind, my whole lower half practically trembling. He finally let me go and sat down on the bed. He splayed his legs open, unzipping his dress pants and beckoning me over to him. “Get over here.”

I shook my head, raising myself to my knees and shrinking myself away. I wasn’t scared of him, far from it. I was definitely turned on more than anything but I wanted to push him further than he had ever been capable of. He wanted to be a jealous boyfriend that pushed my buttons well I was going to push right back. “You’re being a jerk. I’m not giving you the satisfaction, especially after you decided to barge in there with your giant ass fingers!”

He lurched forward and grabbed onto my arm before I could wiggle away. He yanked me to his chest then gripped the back of my neck hard. Our eyes met before he pulled me close to his lips. “I like it better when you don’t talk.”

I squinted at him, almost in shock that he used my own line against me. “You fucker.”

He pressed me down towards his lap though I tried to resist as much as I could. It was no use as he was stronger than me and I was face to face with his growing length trapped within his briefs. His hand was now digging into my hair keeping me firmly in place. I landed a bite to his hipbone making sure he knew I wasn’t too pleased in the way he was handling me. He hissed out my name and arched his hips, his nails digging into my scalp. I wrapped my hand around his, trying to pry his iron grip away while adding kitten licks to the outline of his cock. That seemed to soothe him a little as I heard him exhale through his nose as he relaxed back against the wall. His nails quit marking my skin and he opted to push my hair away from my face gently instead of trying to rip it out.

I slid his briefs back and guided him towards my mouth pressing kisses down the shaft before licking back up to the tip. Once I got to the tip, I took him in, swallowing his head completely. I shifted my hips to raise my ass higher for him to look at knowing it would tease him. I looked up at him and saw the full pleasure that was written across his face. His eyes had closed, his lips pressed together, and his fingers trailing down to open more buttons on his dress shirt. I popped off him and placed kisses up his stomach with each new area that became exposed. “I can tease that little spot that you like.” I smirked and added a slow stroke to his cock.

“Actually, I have a better idea.” He shoved me down onto my back and straddled my shoulders, his cock now hovering above my face. I couldn’t move with his weight on me and I was trapped between his thick thighs. He tapped my lips with his cock which I absolutely hated. I slapped at his stomach but he remained stoic. He only moved to shove himself down my throat, propping one hand against the wall while the other kept my head in place. He worked quickly to rock his hips against my face making me claw at him. I wasn’t used to this sort of thing, even with all of my experience, and it hurt like all hell. I was trying my damnedest not to gag around him but it was impossible given the fact that he was ramming into my throat. My eyes watered and tears fell against my will. My nails dug into his hips as I silently begged for him to slow down.

He was moaning my name, more than he ever had before, completely lost in the pleasure of torturing my throat. He looked fucking amazing, I had to give him that much, even if I hated what he was doing to me. I loved the way his hair was coming undone from the gel he used, the way his dress shirt lay open and his tie dangled above me like an invitation. The way his thighs stretched out his dress pants was a dream and I wanted to touch every part of him. I reached for the thinner end of his tie, pulling roughly so it zipped up to his throat. He lurched back at the sudden pressure and looked down at me. He must have seen my fucked up state because he pulled out, leaving me grossed out by the messy spit that connected us still.

"Fu-fucker. That hurt” I croaked.

He pulled off me completely before lifting me up to sit in his lap. He wiped away my tears and I buried my face in his neck, clutching onto his vest. He kissed at my cheek, pulling me away from hiding. “You ok?”

I sniffled and nodded. He worked his hands over my sides and hips trying to soothe me more. Of course he couldn’t help himself and gripped my ass tight which made me laugh just a bit. “I’ve never done that before…”

“Really?” He asked, surprised.

“Ok, I’m a hoe but like there are some things I haven’t done before. You have to remember you dick is huge, dude. I’m small.”

He gave me soft tender kisses and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know, princess. I’m sorry. But don’t think you’re getting away with this shit either.”

I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. “I stand by the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Hmm.” Was all he said before he tossed me face down onto the bed. I looked back at him as he discarded the rest of his clothes, dangerously holding his tie in his hand. He mounted me, as I was completely his to take and wrapped the loop of the tie around my wrists, pulling tight. “You like this don’t you?” It was supposed to be a command but I could tell it was mostly an uneasy question and he needed permission to continue.

I nodded and smiled at him. “I like it a lot, daddy.” I gave him a quick kiss sealing my consent. I threw out my rule of not using our titles with one another since he couldn’t actually communicate but in this moment I need him to know that I was his to command and I was giving him as much power as I would allow.

He wrapped the length tie around his fist, keeping a firm hold on it. His other hand jerked my hips up while his knee nudged my legs apart as far as they could go. My ass was raised, arms outstretched, and my body was trembling with excitement. His first thrust was swift and hard. I could hear his hips snap against me and I was barely able to hold myself up in that moment. My arms shook weakly and I dug my fingers into the sheets as my mouth curved into a silent moan. He was almost too deep for me to handle and every slam into me seemed harsher than the last. I couldn’t really keep up. It was overpowering and I wanted to scream my pleasure into the tiny room though I could barely even mumble a word.

My fingers curled as I tried to send tension to my arms instead of my weakening legs. It was useless though and I could feel my stomach tightening. He landed a slap to my ass just as I tried to pull away from him and regroup. I hissed and bowed my head, breathing out his title again. Suddenly, my phone buzzed by my head, the screen lighting up and distracting me. I turned to see who it was and winced. This was the worst time for him to call.

Johnny pressed my head into the mattress and sped up his brutal thrusts. “Why don’t you answer it, Eri? Let him hear how good you’re getting fucked. Tell him who’s really your boyfriend.”

I opened my mouth to say anything but all that came out we’re soft croaks. I panicked when I saw him reach for my phone and I struggled to move to try and block him. “D-dont, please don’t.” I was finally able to say. He let go of his grip on the tie wrapped around my wrists and instead set it around my neck. The call disappeared much to my relief.

“What a shame Eri. Let’s see if he calls back or if he took the fucking hint.” I swallowed hard and nodded, biting into my lip to try and still my moans. He quickly latched his teeth into my neck, sucking deeply like he always did when he wanted to mark me. “Stay on all fours, got it?”

I propped myself back to my elbows as he forced my thighs to rest on the outside of his. I could hear his moan of satisfaction at the sight of me splayed open with his cock stuffed inside me. I wanted to shy away and hide but he wouldn’t let me of course. He resumed his grip on the tie, pulling it taught around my neck and constricting my air flow. My eyelids fluttered and i wondered if this was heaven. Jesus, it felt so amazing even if every muscle in my body felt like it was burning and my insides were a scrambled mess. While he made my back dip by pulling my neck by the tie I felt his other hand slid down from my hips to my wetness, flowing over my clit. I was grateful for the extra attention and wiggled my hips to rock back against him and dive further into his fingers.

His finger started to trail from my clit to dance around my gaping entrance and just like before he pressed the long digit in little by little until it was almost as deep as his cock. I pleaded for him to stop, it was too much, too overwhelming for my overly sensitive walls but he kept working away at my torturous pleasure. That, coupled with his thickness, made the tendons in my legs strain as bliss shot through me. My moans mixed in with my strangled pants as he dared to press a second finger into me.“J-johnny!!” I rasped. “It’s too much!!”

He pressed his body weight harder against me, keeping me pinned so I would have no way from escaping the overstretching. “You’re not going anywhere.” He whispered harshly in my ear, making me shudder. He curled his finger then, the pressure of his knuckles against his cock, and the sliding of his rings against my heated walls made me clench meekly around him. Johnny enjoyed seeing me writhe beneath him, seeing me try and focus on being a good brat when in reality I was starting to unravel into a brainless mess. Nothing had a hold on my attention like the buildup he was creating inside me. I could barely process the words he was saying to me with how fuzzy my senses were. He curled his fingers deeper getting right to the root of my pleasure. The head of his cock was edging as far as it could go within me, his fingers pressed into the perfect spot, and his thumb brought back smalls swipes and circles against my clit. It was a haphazard clusterfuck of intense sensations that all culminated into a harsh orgasm that sent my mind reeling. It felt like my cum rushed out of me, painting my thighs with a deep warmth that was astounding.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my entire frame trembled. My muscles seized, tensed, and finally gave out. I fell forwards, collapsing onto the bed in a breathless heap. My lower half practically felt numb and I tried to concentrate on not passing out. It wasn’t just the physical fatigue, the mental and emotional fatigue of the entire day weighed on me in that moment. My few seconds of recuperation was cut short when Johnny pulled his fingers out of me. I felt another gush then, making me a bit confused as to how wet I really was. It definitely felt different and I could hear Johnny make some remark though his words weren’t registering. He said something else and I nodded weakly, agreeing to whatever he had posed just for me to have the ability to relax soon.

But that was definitely wishful thinking. He yanked me almost to the edge of the bed and continued his brutal fucking. I let him grip onto the back of my thighs as he huffed out growls and moans. He was swelling inside me, making me wince yet encourage him with mumbles that I thought were words. His fingertips dug into me harder and that sweet heat spread throughout my body again. I smiled and relished in the feeling of him pumping into me, slower and slower, until he milked himself completely. I laid there, unmoving and enjoying the way he felt inside me like I always did until I i lost myself in sleep.

–*

Johnny’s POV

I felt her move beneath me and there was a stickiness and sweatiness between us. I groaned as I didn’t really want to move but I needed to break away and get some air. My hand was over hers, my body curled around her, and my cock of course still inside her. It was almost perfect save for the giant wet spot we were forced to lay in because she squirted everywhere. We had both fallen asleep almost immediately after and i just adjusted her in the bed for me to have enough room to spoon her. Now everything made me feel like I needed an hour long shower. I rolled away, letting go of her hand and putting my forearm over my eyes to block out the bright light of the room. How long were we even asleep for?

She mumbled something and groaned, blinking a few times before fully looking at me. “Hey.” She sounded like she had smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for the past 40 years and I cringed at my handiwork. She tried clearing her throat but opted that it was too sore and winced in pain.

“Hey…maybe you shouldn’t talk…” She glared at me and I shuffled a bit away so she wouldn’t attack me.

“I feel gross. Why is everything wet? What happened?”

“What do you mean what happened? We fucked?”

“No, no, I know that. But I was so tired at the end-” She paused to rub at her throat. “I felt like half asleep. It was good though but I was worn out.” She laughed softly.

“Well, you’re welcome for that but like…do you even remember your orgasm?”

She nodded quickly, her smile beaming. “Oh yeah.”

“You squirted everywhere and basically we’ve been laying in the soaked sheets because we’re dumb as fuck.”

“Wait…squirted? No, i can’t do that. I’ve never done that.”

“What do you mean you cant do that? You literally did. Twice. The first time when you had your big one and then when i pulled my fingers out. It was like…not how they make it out to be in porn. Like not some weird super soaker spray but like-”

She held her hand up to stop me. “Please don’t describe it any further. I just…holy shit.”

I pulled out of her slowly, never getting used to that amazing feeling. It got me every time. It also sent my cum dripping out of her which was almost as good of a sight as her squirting. “Fuck…”

She wiggled a bit, a look of discomfort on her face. “What the hell?”

“We’ll now we got my cum on the sheets…” I said, partially annoyed. We really had to get them off this bed.

“DID YOU CUM IN ME AGAIN?!”

Her yelling caught me off guard. “Yes? I asked you this time and you agreed!”

“When?!”

“What do you mean when!?”

“I’m sorry if I was too fucked out and tired to freakin’ listen to you blab during sex! But you can’t be doing that! It freaks me out!!!”

“Hey, i asked to cash in my favor and you definitely said yes so I did it. It is not my fault.” I sat up slowly and inched my way to roll off the bed. “Come on. We need to get these off and I think I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Aren’t you worried at all?” She said softly.

“Me? Not really. I told you it’ll be alright. We’ve got everything covered.” It was a lie but I was blinded by how good it felt sexually and I also didn’t want to make her panic more than she already was. I told myself I’d stop after this one last time and not risk it anymore. She didn’t move and I could tell she was overthinking again. I went over to her and scooped her into my arms, holding her bridal style. “I’ll have you get the shower started while I take care of the bed. She held onto my neck and buried her face in my chest as I walked her into the bathroom, gently setting her down in the tub. “You ok?”

“Y-yeah…” She reached up and pulled me in for a kiss that I held for a long time. It wasn’t deep or passionate but more so intimate and warm. I sighed and cupped her face.

“Go, ok? I’ll be right back.”

I pulled away from her which seemed to be getting harder and harder each time. Even if it was just back into the room it felt like a million miles away. I tore off the soaked sheets, glad that the comforter was still mostly dry, and tossed them in the corner of the room. I said a silent apology to housekeeping and hoped to all hell they wouldn’t look at it directly when they put it in the wash. I padded back to the bathroom and slipped in behind her.

“Turn around.” She said and I gave her a questioning look. She sucked her teeth. “I was just about to get the…stuff out.”

“Eri, i’ve literally seen you every which way. Do you really think I care how you look getting my cum out of you?”

“JUST DO IT.”

I sighed and turned around, picking up the little motel bar of soap and ripping off the plastic. I waited for her to finish, getting impatient about being in the cold spot. “Dude, hurry up.”

“THERE IS A LOT OK? You don’t cum like a normal human being!”

“Apparently neither do you, Splash Mountain.”

‘OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.”

I snorted and looked back at her. “Can I please get under the water now? I’m freezing.”

She switched spots with me and I finally got under the hot stream, thankful to wash away a whole nights worth of sex. My time under the stream by myself didn’t last long as Eri snuggled up next to me, her hair a soaking mess of waves that framed her face and made her look like a painting of a goddess. “Too cold. I want to be next to you.”

“You big baby.” I joked and ruffled her hair. She pouted and poked at my stomach making me squirm away. Our antics made our shower way more fun than it should’ve been, mimicking the perfect time we had in the tub before I freaked out on her. It was almost like a do over and I was appreciative of that fact. Once we were done and dried we curled up, facing one another, under the comforter. And although we were both fatigued, we stood up for hours talking about shit I never even dreamed about knowing about her. By the time the sun rose I was able to realize that one thing was for sure. I was in love with her.

–

We thought everything would be fine after that, and it was between us, but on Eri’s side things seemed to hit the fan one after the other. Their grandpa, who was back on the island they were from, fell ill. Their mother didn’t let them have a say in anything and whisked them away, making them leave school and work behind. There was a looming threat that they could be fired or even lose their financial aid which worried them just as much as their grandpa’s health. Each night they were gone we would facetime just so I could see them. I missed having them beside me whenever I wanted and it wasn’t even about the sex anymore. I genuinely found that I liked talking to them. There was never any judgement and I started to understand why certain things were important to them. Now I had to be there for them and help them stay strong even though I knew they were crumbling.

I was laying on my side, my phone propped against the wall, as I watched them cry. There wasn’t much I could do, or even say, at this point but i remained on the video. They apologized over and over for crying so much but i reassured them that I didn’t care. They let me know that it was okay when I cried and I wanted them to know the same. “I miss you..” They hiccuped.

I sniffed and cleared my throat, swallowing my own emotions. “I miss you too…you know you have to be there. It’s going to be okay.”

“He’s gonna die Johnny. I know it. I visited him today at the hospital and my mom and my aunts just keep putting this weird bandaid on it. They keep thinking he’s going to bounce back and be able to take care of the house and my grandma and he wont. He literally wont. I don’t know why they won’t just fuckin’ say it.”

“They’re scared, Eri. They’re losing one of their parents. It’s always going to be scary.”

“I know that but I hate being the only fucking rational one here. It’s driving me insane. Just look at him and say he’s going to die! He’s just going to die, Johnny. He’s going to…” They burst into another round of tears and buried their face into a pillow, muffling the heart wrenching sobs. I wish I could be there. I wish I could hold them so fucking tight and never let them go. It hurt me to see them like this.

“Baby, look at me, ok?” They moved their head up and wiped at their eyes. “When you come back here, i’ll be here for you ok? It’s going to be hard but I’ll help you get through this. And so will Quinn and stupid ass Lucas and all your other friends.”

I finally saw them crack a small smile which made me feel a little better. “I know…I-” Suddenly, someone burst into their room. I couldn’t make out who it was exactly as the video started to pixelate. They had a conversation that I couldn’t understand but seemed stressed. They grabbed their phone and finally the video came back into view. “I have to go. I-I’ll talk to you later, ok?!” Before I could even respond the video was cut off and I had my own disturbance burst into my room. I shot up in bed, looking at Jae who seemed to be distressed. Great, was everyone around me having issues at once?

“Dude, what the-” He held his cell phone out in his shaking hand and I could see a call from an unknown number going on. “What?” I asked, still confused.

“Talk. Talk now.”  was all he said.

I took the phone tentatively and held it to my ear. My body went into shock as soon as I heard the voice that had haunted me for weeks on end. The voice that made my skin crawl and make me want to vomit. What she said next drenched my blood run cold.

“Johnny, I’m pregnant.”

[girlinthecorner19]

Rinku

Chapter 1: Zuko Alone

Heeeyyy so idk how to do a master list so if someone could help me with that, what would just swell. I am currently writing chapter 2 so you don't have to wait long for an update! It will probably be out by the end of the weekend. I start work again on the 13th so I won't update as often :,(

Words: 2161

Zuko was alone and starving. He could still smell the cooking meat from the fire if the family he passed. He once again clutched his grumbling stomach and sighed as he swayed with the movements of the ostrich horse. He felt weak sucking the last drop of water. His eyes drooped before me momentarily closed them. He shook his head awake once he saw the haunting images of his mother though. He needed to keep going.

"Hey you there!" A voice called out. He jumped slightly at the sudden noise and looked around for its source, sounded like a girl. The mystery girl jogged up to him, he squinted as she came forward. She was wearing tan clothes that covered almost her whole body so she blended in with the dry dirt surrounding. He wasn't able to see her face until she uncovered it as she approached.

"It's been a while since I've seen anyone out here, mind if I walk with you?" She flashed him an inocente smile, but Zuko internally groaned.

The last thing he needed was more distractions.

Picking up on Zuko's hesitant looks she held up her hands. "I carry no weapons." She looked at his dual sword, but her cheerful expression didn't change till she looked over him and his Ostrich. Her face changed to potty. "but I have some supplies. Your ostrich looks just as tired as you do." Zuko studied her up and down. Her hair was up in a loose bun, a few strands framed her tanned skin. She flashed a big smile trying to ease him. He looked into her eyes. Earth Kingdom, which made sense, he was in the Earth Kingdom. But they were suck a striking emerald color, dark flex of forest green sprinkled in. He took in her beauty, but quickly shook his thoughts away. He didn't have time for beautiful, mysterious girls who came up to him promising him food.

I'm fine, you should be on your way." The girl shook her head, looking into his ostrich's eyes. Much to his dismay she stroked the animals face. It let out a pitiful sign.

"He is exhausted, you would both do well to stop." She looked up at him no longer smiling, a much more serious look on her face. It felt like she was staring into his soul. He squirmed in his saddle. "I insist you at least stop by my camp for rest, please." The way she said please almost sounded like her life depended on it.

He signed, she looked stubborn but he didn't know who to trust so he unsheathes his swords. She took a step back, looking shocked.

"Please I mean no harm I—" she pleaded

"I'm just trying to keep myself safe, I'm not attacking." He inhaled "I've been traveling a while, I don't know who to trust." His expression stiffened in crontrast she flashed another smile and took the reins of his animal. He was tired, and he did need food. She looked harmless and he was sure he could beat her if it came down to it, so might as well accept her kindness.

"I understand. It's not too far away, so don't worry." She reached into her bag, Zuko was ready to strike, and took two apples tossing one to him and fed the other to his horse. "Does he have a name?"

"No."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

She nodded but didn't question him further. There was a pause, only the crunching sound of sand and dirt under feet and the ostrich's hooves.

"Do you have a name?" He asked

"Yes." She said in a husckly voice, Zuko assume she was mocking him. After a few snickers she continued "my name is Nya.

Nya, it fit her.

****

Zuko examined the campsite. It was nice he had to admit. A fast flowing stream of crystal clear water, lots of bush and trees for cover, she had a nice camp fire set up and a tent near it. It was like an oasis in the almost desert like area of the earth kingdom.

She led his horse to the stream where it drank eagerly. Taking a small cup from her bag, she filled it with the cool water and handed it to Zuko. He eagerly drank it. Nya eyed him as he gulped the water down. She blushed slightly, when he caught her staring.

"Can I have some more?" He asked politely

"Streams right there, I'm going to make us some tea."

Tea, it made him think of his uncle making him smile slightly. Once he filled his water he sat by the fire watching Nya with interest.

She looked skinny, which made sense with the amount of fashions she had. She is cute though. He huffed, causing Nya to look at him confused hold yourself together Zuko, you're on a mission. Honor is far more important than a cute girl.

They made conversation, mostly one sided by Nya as she cooked the fish and some sort of cabbage. But they sat in silence as they ate. She didn't have much food. He noted after their small meal she only had an apple, and a few berries left. She had offered the rest to him, but he felt pity, which was slightly unexpected.

She cleaned the tin dishes in the stream before sitting by the fire. She looked at the sunset then into Zuko's eyes.

"You are welcome to stay here for the night. I've got an extra sack and pillow if you need it." She offered.

He shook his head "I appreciate your generosity, I'm a stranger yet you gave me food and shelter, but I really should be getting on my way. I say a villiage just ahea—"

"They charge way too much for inns, you will never be able to afford it. They jacked up the prices since the war." Her eyes once again pleaded with him. "Please, stay." And once again she said please like her life depended on it.

Zuko felt confused, "why do you want me to stay so much, you don't know me." He asked.

Nya's face went red and she became flustered as she stumbled over her words. "I—um—"

"Spit it out!" Zuko barked. She sputtered, "come on!"

"I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ALONE!" Nya finally said. He was taken aback, inhaling sharply. She lowered her head. "I don't have very much food because people see me as weak and steal my food. Some... men..." she stopped and tears rolled down her face.

Zuko, not equipped to deal with crying girls, looked at her, eyes wide. He felt his heartened heart soften slightly. He wanted to protect her...maybe he'd just stay the night.

She cried softly to herself, and looked up. "Sorry, we just met and now I'm crying to you about my problems." She laughed slightly.

"I'll stay with you." He said looking up at the orange sky.

She gasped and lunged forward putting her arms around his neck. Zuko was ready to fire bend her right off of him, but the way it made him feel changed his mind. Her embrace, though was meant to comfort her, comforted him too.

What is it with this girl. He thought as he awkwardly patted her back.

"Thank you." She whispered before parting.

****

Zuko lied awake, unable to sleep for multiple reasons. One she had said she gets stolen from and also... he just couldn't see why anyone would want to hurt her. She's just a nice girl. Two he didn't like sleeping next to people he didn't know. And three this girl could potentially be a major set back. In the hours of knowing her she had managed to make him blush, and think of her as cute and beautiful.

She is... he thought as he rolled onto his side, watching her peaceful expression on her face and the steady rise and fall of her chest. Damn he thought angrily and rolled to his back.

He didn't know when he fell asleep but he was awoken by rustling in the bushes. He instantly got up and too his swords out of the sleeping sack.

He circled the camp site, but it was silent.

"Show yourself you coward." He whispered.

The tree above him shook, and he quickly drew back. "So the little girl got herself a bodyguard. I'll make quick work if you, kid" the slimy voice above him said.

"We will see about that." Zuko gritted his teeth. And debated whether he should firebend this bitch into next week make the first move.

The man jumped out of the tree. He wore a hood, but Zuko could tell from his build he was a grown man. Anger built inside of him at the thought of him taking advantage of a young girl who couldn't be older than 17.

"You're just a kid what are you going to do?" He taunted.

But his eyes widened with shock when Zuko rushed I'm with speed he didn't expect. Swords clashed. The thief backed away, but Zuko quickly advanced. And with one swift move he disarmed him.

"You are one of the most dispicable humans out there. You pray on the weak, and steal from the poor. Only picking a fight with those you know cannot defend themselves." He spat at him, holding both swords to his throat. "Give me one reason I shouldn't end your life."

"I—please have mercy I'll never bother her again I promise!" He sank to his knees and begged.

"Scum! Of course you won't because I'm going to—"

"Zuko STOP!" Nya rushed over to him grabbing his arm to lower the sword. He did but kept eye contact with the thief.

"He should pay for his crimes." He growled his left sword almost touching the thief's throat.

"Yes, but not by death he will be put in jail. Or maybe the soldiers in the city will rough him up a bit. But death in not for us to decide." She stepped in front of Zuko and lowered both of the swords.

He huffed "you would get along great with my sister." He said sarcastically. Zuko looked back down at the man who was shaking with fear then back to Nya. "Got any rope?"

****

It was morning by the time Zuko got back to Nya's campsite. He tossed her some gold pieces. She looked up confused.

"Turns our he was a wanted thief so, I got some bounty from it." Zuko said as he began packing up his things.

"You're leaving so soon?" She asked.

"Yeah." Zuko stopped packing and looked into her eyes, but they were angry. "You know," he drew his swords, Nya's heart dropped and she stepped back. "I realized something you said while I was traveling back."

She continued to step back, but panicked once she hit a tree. Sweat dripping down her face. "What is that?"

Zuko stepped forward his face inches away. "How do you know my name?"

She gasped, scared if she told the truth he would think she was lying and kill her. "You're Prince Zuko, everyone knows who you are!"

He shook his head. "No. People know my name, but not many out fo the fire nation would know what I look like." He was so close she could feel his breath on her face. And even though she feared for her life, a light rose tint painted itself on her cheeks. She stared into his golden eyes.

"I...I don't actually know..." she looked down, tear fell from her eyes which made Zuko hesitant and step back. "I can't explain it, but when I say you on the road... something inside me told me I needed to talk to you. And the more I was with you the more I felt I was connected to you. And then as I was sleeping I had a—a vision I guess." She looked back up, Zuko's mouth parted at the determination in her eyes. "And now I'm sure that I'm supposed to travel with you Zuko! I know I'm supposed to help you find the Avatar!"

Aaaah I can't tell if this is good XD. Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading.

Writing this is actually more difficult than I thought. Writing for Zuko is challenging, but good practice for difficult characters. Like he's kinda an ass but also he's fighting with himself bc he secretly do want to be good. So writing his interactions with Nya is kinda tough. I'm also very thirsty for Zuko so I just wanna write some heavy make out scene. I'm going to write smut but I'm trying to go easy on it. But I want to but can't bc Zuko is not a slut so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  But also I'm like choke me you sexy son of a bitch. Wow I have no chill ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

[chloca-cola]

Defenseless Chapter 3

This chapter is heavy, I hope I dont miss any trigger warnings. If I do, please feel free to let me know and I will add them in

TW: Abuse, blood, murder, acts of violence, neglectful parents, mentions of alcohol abuse

Word count: 2,160

~~

Mara couldn't stand her older brother Trevor, he was so mean to her and her little sister Julia, always torturing them in some way. Usually physically, she had a burn mark on her right ankle from Trevor and one of their father's cigars. What had her father done about it? 

"Oh, you'll be fine, he's just being a boy." That's all he had done, and her alcoholic mother just ignored it all. Her brother is how she even learned she could repatriate, and once he realized he could kill her multiple times, he did it just to feel joy.

One day, when Mara was 11, she had finally had enough and she would learn that very same day she could teleport, Trevor was 15 and much stronger than her or Julia, who was just 9. Mara came home to find Trevor had strangled Julia to death, she gasped, Mara being the only sufferer of DOOMs between the siblings, she knew Julia was gone for good. Her noises alerted him to her presence. Terror shot through her veins like icy water when he looked over his shoulder at her, a crazy glint in his eyes.

She was about to scream and run, but he pounced on to her quickly, intending to kill her too.

She bucked him off of her, wanting to just scramble away, hoping this was all just a bad dream, when he pulled a knife from his pocket, grabbing her ankle and pulling her back to him. He straddled her, his corn silk blond hair falling into his face.

"I've always wanted to carve your face like a Jack-o-lantern, you gonna let me, Mara?" Her heart felt like it was gonna beat out of her chest, as tears swam into her vision. Where were her parents right now? She began to scream as loudly as she could, wanting to alert someone to her imminent danger. Her legs were kicking, trying to get leverage to knock him off of her again, as the light glinted off the blade as he brought it down to her face 

Digging the point in at her hair line, he began digging the blade in, dragging it slowly down her face, barely missing her eye. She just kept screaming and wishing she was somewhere else. 

And as if by magic, poof, she was in her parent's room. 

She heard Trevor cursing down the hall in Julia's room,  she wiped the blood from her face and into her snowy platinum hair, giving her a hellish look as she crawled on all fours to her father's bedside nightstand. 

Digging through the drawer, she found the object of her desire, her father's gun. She fumbled with it, trying to remember in her panicked state how to use it, her hands trembling as she heard Trevor begin searching through the rooms for her.

"Where are you, you little bitch?!" He growled animalistic in his anger, Mara finally turned the safety off as Trevor burst through the door. Her throat was aching from screaming for so long, she tried to scream again, but nothing came out. She trained the gun on his head and pulled the trigger. His head snapped back, his body swaying for a second before he collapsed on the floor in a heap. 

"Mara?! Trevor?! Julia?!" It was her mother, she came into the room and screamed from the bloody mess that was all over the walls, door frame and out in the hallway. "What did you do to your sweet brother?!" Mara tried to speak, but only a squeaking sound was made, she looked down at her blood covered hands, which were still shaking and she dropped the gun on the floor.

Her parents blamed her for both Trevor's and Julia's death, threw her under the bus, saying that they didn't understand why she would want to hurt either of them, especially their sweet Trevor. Mara's larynx had been permanently damaged from all her screaming, leaving her with a graveyard whisper of a voice.  She was deemed a menace to society and locked away in a psychiatric ward, where she stayed for the next 10 years. 

She never spoke to the psychiatrist, not until she got word that her parents had passed. Finally feeling safe, Mara showed the doctor every scar that Trevor left on her, told him everything that happened, that she is a repatriate and he killed her numerous times, finding it funny that she could come back, and finally that she found Trevor over her sister's body. What she had done was self defense. 

She wasn't sure if the doctor would believe her, but something in her confession held the conviction of the innocent and after ten years the psychiatrist stated she was not a threat to herself or others and was exonerated of her charges.

Mara couldn't fit in with society, everything was so strange to her after so many years of being alone. She decided it would be best for her just to disappear, so she gathered what she could carry, and left the city forever.

-

Higgs was laying on Mara's old couch, staring up at the ceiling, not being able to sleep. He kept replaying in his head the look Mara had given him that night he tried to kill her, she had been trying to break free from her restraints, her whispery voice cursing him, and saying she wasn't going to teleport away until she got to kick his ass. It wasn't until Higgs took his mask off and revealed himself to her did she fall silent and still. Her seafoam green eyes held so much betrayal in them. That look caused him physical pain, he was begging her with his eyes to jump away. He knew she could, and he wanted her to.

"Oh, Mara, sweet little loner." He purred to her, leaning down close to her face. "Bet ya wish ya didn't save me now, hm?" His voice was teasing, smooth as honey, but inside he hated to see her looking at him that way.  Her eyes narrowed dangerously and she spit in his face, causing him to chuckle, he wiped her saliva off his cheek, before running his tongue along her scar. She turned her head and bit down on his tongue and he yelped, jerking away, and that's when she had teleported away from him.

He had been relieved she finally left, sighing and spitting blood that pooled in his mouth on the ground.

Higgs was brought from his thoughts when he heard Mara's soft whimpers coming from her room. He debated if he should check on her, after all the cold shoulder he completely deserved. However, once the sounds became more distressed, he quickly went to her room to find her body thrashing in her bed as if she was fighting someone off. He knew she was dreaming about Trevor again, he had been with her a few times before when she had the nightmare. Luckily with DOOMs gone, it did seem less intense.

He moved quickly to her bedside, grabbing her shoulder, causing her to bolt upright, her hands balled into fists, punching wildly at the air. Higgs hopped back quickly, barely missing catching a right hook to his jaw. 

"Easy, honey, it's just me, ya were having a nightmare." Mara's eyes focused on Higgs' face, her breathing erratic, panic evident on her face. She touched her scar, looking at her fingers to make sure she wasn't bleeding and she let her body relax, and she scooted back to lean on her headboard, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Sorry if I woke you." She offered softly, and Higgs waved a hand dismissively.

"S'alright, I wasn't asleep yet." He assured her plopping beside her on the bed and she gave him a look of audacity, which he chuckled at. "Oh please darlin', like we've never shared a bed before." He teased, blush heated her cheeks and she's glad the only light in the room was from what little moonlight was outside, so hopefully he couldn't see it. She could barely make out his features in the soft silvery glow, so she was positive it was the same for him.

"That was a long time ago." She teased back, even though that primal part of her brain was telling her to abort mission, she felt him slowly winning her back over and really, she both hated and loved it. She had missed him, even after he tried to kill her, it made her feel weak. 

That primal instinct went into overdrive when she felt him shifting in the bed, was he moving closer to her? No, his back was to her and she relaxed again, sighing in a mildly annoyed fashion, pushing on his back with a foot, and he chuckled, and she could see him lift his head and look over his shoulder at her.

"Hey, I did not say you could lay here." But even her voice held no conviction to her own ears.

"Sweetheart, we both know you're not kickin' me outta the bed. I'm gonna be right here, just in case ya have another one of those nightmares about ya brother." The comment took her off guard, as he laid his head back down on the pillow, it's almost as if he really is back to his old self, and a soft smile pulled at the corners of her lips, and she slid down under her covers, pulling them up to her chin and rolled over to where her back was facing his, letting out a long sigh.

"Did ya miss me? Did ya cry when ya thought I was dead?" The questions were not mocking, but honest curiosity on his part, his voice was rather quiet, as if he wanted someone to have missed him if he was really dead. Mara stared at the wall, truth was, she had cried. 

She had gotten a visit from Sam, he knew she had been close to Higgs before everything went down, she lamented it to him on a few occasions. 

"I just wanted you to know...Higgs is dead." Sam had said in his normal gruff voice, but Mara could tell it hurt him to tell her, she had hung her head for a few beats, absorbing his words. Higgs was...dead? The words hit her like a truck and her head snapped back up to look at Sam, pain evident in her pale eyes, and he chewed on his bottom lip, unsure how she was going to act.

"Did you kill him, Sam?" Her eyes were hard as stone as she observed his micro expressions before he finally shook his head.

"Fragile did it." He confessed, Mara averted her eyes to the floor again, nodding after a few beats.

"Ok." She said in her trademark no nonsense fashion, and Sam blinked in surprise, and after he said nothing, Mara looked back up at him.

"Ok?" Sam didn't understand what she had seen in Higgs, granted she knew him before Amelie got to him, so he was definitely expecting a lot more of a reaction.

"Thank you for telling me, Sam." He blinked a few more times before finally nodding goodbye to her and she slowly shut the door. That's when her armor had cracked, she sank down to the floor, sobbing softly into her hands. She wasn't sure how long she had cried for him, but she had.

"I did. Yes." Her voice was as soft as a ghosts sigh when she confessed, sadness thick in her voice. At first, Higgs said nothing, he just felt a pressure in his chest that he couldn't explain. "Higgs?" Mara lifted her own head to look over her shoulder at him and he rolled over onto his back. She followed his action, rolling onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Just admit ya love me." He said in his teasing way, his words oozing with natural charm, and he finally got what he was after; Mara laughed. It wasn't long, but he got rewarded with her breathy giggle before she placed both of her hands on his shoulder and shoved him out of the bed and onto the floor. 

A loud 'oof' escaped him as he crashed onto the hard surface. Dazed, he looked back up towards the bed to see her looking down at him, and although he could barely see it, he knew she was smirking at him, a soft sniffling sound came from her, she quickly wiped the tears away.

"You wish." They both shared a laugh, before she moved back to her side of the bed and Higgs crawled back into it.

"Don't hesitate to sleep a little closer to me, I won't bite." Mara scoffed, covering back up again, her back to him once more.

"I will." She stated, matter-of-factly, although humor was still laced in the words. Higgs laughed as he settled under the covers and finally fell asleep.

~~~

@savage-rhi @disneymarina (if anyone else wants tagged just ask!)

[girlonastring]

List of Future H50 Fic

1) Graceless:

Danny loses visitation/rights until the reassessment of his job adjourns; after discovering Rachel is moving with Stan to Hawaii, he transfers to HPD. No one there knows about Grace (until he knows his fate, talking about her is too painful), not even after joining Five-0.

Until one day, he hears that precious voice say ‘Danno’ and he turns to the best sight in the world: his baby girl.

The bulk of the story will be of that scene, and the events that follow. It’ll have angst, drama, family moments - and pre-Mcdanno. Depending on how long it goes, they may even be starting a relationship. But they are definitely end game.

2) Any Man of Mine:

A combination of Steve things like the song, or the opposite to it. I still haven’t quite worked out all the details for that, but it’s what I’m aiming for. Will start off with a memory of Danny singing along to the song with Grace, and later will have her bringing up the similarities of their song and Steve to Danno, and bonding over that.

It’ll be pre-Mcdanno, but also that lovely trope where they’ve basically been dating for forever, but only one of them really notices it. Which will be Danny! Also, a 5+1 because I LOVE that!

3) Undercover WitSec:

This one is pure indulgence for me. I love the idea of Danny having been undercover when he worked back in Jersey, so in this he’ll have been undercover (thinking maybe with the mob?? Still deciding) and gotten close with a kid (placing this before!Grace, but still with Rachel) and when all is said and done, the kid (an OFC, because I can) is put in witness protection.

Shoot forward however many years, and he’s in Hawaii, and the only ones who know about this girl are Rachel (because she’s a big reason why he wanted a kid) and Grace (honorary big sister no one knows about; why she knows exactly I don’t know?? Haven’t figured that out yet) so when this girl shows up, calling Danny something no one understands in Italian cue the shocked reactions!

The reason she was in witsec is ‘dead’ so she’s back and it’s getting their lives resettled, have some nice pre-Mcdanno going on, then low and behold, the reason is not really dead and we have some action. Ends in established Mcdanno!

4) Serial Revenge:

Thought this one up at work yesterday and I am P U M P E D for it! Still figuring out a lot of the details, so this overview will be even shorter.

Danny is friends with this kid when he’s young, who seems so normal, but one day it’s discovered his parents are dead. Not only dead, but murdered. He has his suspicions about it, but nothing is ever tied together and so the kid (who something is obviously not right about - still figuring out that detail!) is sent to a mental hospital (foster care from there?? Don’t know yet!)

Flash forward and we’re in Hawaii, and there are killing happening that Five-0 dont’ know about until somehow, there’s a Danny connection and HPD calls them in.

Grace is sent away for safety, Danny is living with Steve for the same reason, bodies keep showing up, and it’s a race to figure out who it is, then to prove it AND stop him.

Killer winds up dead in the end, we get Mcdanno happening, and I am so very ready for this fic!

5) Dolled Up Steve:

Steve watching Grace at his house while Danny has to go do - something, and they play tea party and dolls and hey, dress up for the tea party! And when Danny comes back to find Grace doing Steve’s nails, look of intense concentration while she jabs away, and Steve is looking at her like she’s his whole world? So fond and full of love? That is Danny’s ‘oh shit I’m in love with this dumbass moment’.

I have a feeling this will jump from Danny POV, to Steve POV, back to Danny POV.

6) Sunshine & Whiskey:

Follows along with the lyrics that I chose a while back, and most likely will wind up a PWP. Maybe get some lime, maybe get some lemon. Just waiting on it to let me know what we’re doin’!

7) I've Got You Under My Skin:

The sap for this one! Established relationship, living together, and during a tender moment when they’re swaying in the living room/kitchen (haven’t decided;;) along to Frank Sinatra, someone proposes. <3 Then! Another chapter of them slow dancing to the same song at their wedding. <33

8) Pour Some Sugar:

So Danny in a private moment of Rachel’s bachelorette party did a strip routine for her and at a party Kono and Malia find out about it and it turns into him doing a very funny, extra snippet for Kono’s bachelorette party which he then gets to join. No one figures this out until Kono makes a comment about a tattoo that Danny has that’s not exactly public friendly, followed by Danny saying something about bachelorette parties getting crazy.

So Steve and Chin wind up finding out, which of course leads to Steve getting to see the routine in his own private moment, but made different so it’s just for him. And yes, there will be an explanation to why Danny knows how to do a strip routine, lol

9) Pictures Worth:

So Danny overhears Kono and Malia talking about tasteful pictures being done for a wedding gift and tells them “hey, that can be done” And he pulls them aside and shows them photos he took of a high school ex that she had done as a wedding gift for her wife, and “see, tasteful, just do it like that”

They discuss it and he helps them find someone on the island who will do it and be discreet/comfortable. What he doesn’t share is that before he took the ones of his ex, he did practice shots of himself so that he could be sure the gift turned out perfect. No one else knows this - not even Rachel.

I don’t know how Steve and Chin will find out (or why they have to, but I apparently like to involve the team in this set up *shrugs*) and Steve finds out about his private shoot and there’s Mcdanno goodness!

10) Too Close:

Old friends of Danny’s come to the island for a visit, and one night when they’ve had a bit to drink he admits that Too Close by Next makes him think of Steve, talking about the hot and bothered aspect of it - he’s quite smashed at this point. At a party for the old friends to meet the new, Kono and the girl friend (or the girl friend and the guy friend {they’re married!}) are talking about how clueless Steve and Danny are and how they need to get together already etc

Later they’ve had enough and the friend mentions the song mention so Kono sets it as Steve’s tone on Danny’s phone and ‘loses’ the phone so Steve has to call. The rest of the story is dealin’ with the aftermath of that and of course the Mcdanno!

11) It Wasn’t Me:

Danny and maybe Rachel having a normal day when all of a sudden their little angel goes through singing the chorus of the aforementioned song and just flipping their shit.

After finding out that they have Uncle Matty to thank because he thought Gracie was asleep but she wasn’t and having to explain that it wasn’t an appropriate song for her to be singing and something about “Cheating is wrong” so that when Grace finds out about Rachel and Stan and later Danny and Rachel (possibly) its just “so you two are hypocrites” or something.

Essentially I just want that initial freak out, and definitely will be finding some way to put Mcdanno in it!

12) DILF:

So Steve is Grace’s teacher and she overhears him saying that Danny is a DILF and later she asks her dad what that means and the choking on a drink and going bright red and trying to figure out what the heck to do with that, how to answer. The rest is yet to be determined, but of course it will be Mcdanno!

13) Love Bug:

YOU GUYS. I forgot about this one! This is what the title says: people of Hawaii are being bitten by a love bug, and the team is on the case to find out what the heck is going on! The effects can get more dangerous the longer there is no cure, so of course Steve is bitten. Not only that, but he just can’t seem to keep his hands or eyes off of Danny! There’s intrigue, case solving, and awkward I-couldn’t-keep-my-hands-off-you avoidance that all ends in lovely Mcdanno <3

14) Sleepy Prompt #20

“I think your hair is cute when you wake up, if only you could see it the way I did.”

15) Smut Prompt #57

“If we get caught I’m blaming you.”

16) Smut Prompt #59

“Wow, I didn’t realize you were that...flexible.”

17) Whumptober Prompt #7

Isolation

18) Whumptober Prompt #8

Stab Wound

19) Whumptober Prompt #9 

Shackled

20) Whumptober Prompt #10

Unconscious

21) Whumptober Prompt #11

Stitches (continuation of day 3)

22) Whumptober Prompt #12

Don’t Move

23) Whumptober Prompt #13

Adrenaline

24) Whumptober Prompt #16

Pinned Down

25) Whumptober Prompt #18

Wake Up

26) Whumptober Prompt #19

Asphyxiation

27) Whumptober Prompt #20

Trembling

28) Whumptober Prompt #21

Laced Drink

29) Whumptober Prompt #23

Bleeding Out

30) Whumptober Prompt #24

Secret Injury

31) Whumptober Prompt #26

Abandoned 

32) Whumptober Prompt #27

Ransom (continuation of day 26)

33) Whumptober Prompt #28

Beaten

34) Whumptober Prompt #29

Numb (continuation of day 28)

35) Whumptober Prompt #30

Recovery (continuation of day 12)

36) Whumptober Prompt #31

Embrace

37) Sleepy Prompt #34

“Will you carry me to bed?”

38) 5+1 Mistletoe

Basically the 5 kisses Steve shared under the mistletoe that were platonic and the one that meant the most. Gotta find my notes for this!

39) A.D.I.D.A.S.

A 5+1 esque fic of smut scenes!

So there are the ideas so far! A few have been mentioned in previous posts, I just don’t know how to link them in this one. They will be coming out in no particular order, and it will take one time because I will wind up writing multiple ones at once. It’s just a matter of which one is speaking louder to me!

I hope someone else is excited for this with me, and please, feel free to talk to me about any of them! Honestly I am so pumped to write them all, I can’t wait to get them all started! :D

Edit: July 19, 2019  August 21, 2020

[imnotcameraready]

chivalry is dead (16)

A/N: oh my g o o oooooooooooooooooooodddddd im so happy this is finally going up!!!! i have been excited for this chapter for so long, you wouldn’t believe. and i also think that rounds us out for all the romans :^) finally have a full cast! he’s only showing up, you know, in the second act lmao 

WARNINGS: Remus/Duke mentions, blood, stab wound, old wounds, bloody bandages, self-hatred, panic — i think that's it, but please let me know if there's anything else that y'all want tagged!

Words: 4731

AO3 link!

MASTERPOST! <– look here!! for the longterm warnings!! including sympathetic Deceit and cursing/swearing! i dont think i’m gonna be adding remus to the masterpost tags though because like. in full honesty? hes not actually a character. he’ll just be alluded to from time to time :^) 

chivalry taglist: @starlightvirgil​​ @forrestwyrm​​ @daflangstlairde​​ @marshmallow-the-panda​​ @askthesnake​​ @k9cat​​ @patromlogil​​ @theobsessor1​​ @ninja-wizard101​

general tag: @jemthebookworm​​

hope you like it !! <3 

Thomas didn’t have a fear of heights, but he did have a very healthy fear of falling. Virgil kept his eyes squeezed shut, arms wrapped tightly around the Child, who had yet to stop hiss-screaming into Virgil’s chest. The teensy rational voice in the back of his mind told him that the Dragon’s claws were squeezing them way too tight for him to slip through, but whenever he opened his eyes, he saw only the drop. It must have been hundreds of feet. 

In truth, the flight only lasted about fifteen minutes. The Dragon did want to make it last. He loved flying, loved the wind sliding over his scales, the dewiness of flying through clouds, all of it. It was just such fun! 

He didn’t want his Virgil to get too frightened, though, so he wasn’t doing anything too crazy. He’d have to go out later and do some flips or something, because now that he was in the air, the desire to flip was strong. 

The Dragon may be the villain, but he wasn’t antagonistic. He LOVED his Virgil — he loved all of them! He’d just have to tear the twerp in his Virgil’s arms limb from limb in another room. That was fine, a drop in the bucket if you would! He’d get his Virgil, then his Deceit, his Logan, his Patton, his THOMAS, his Imagination. He’d rule it all! Just like the Prince, no, the King.

He slowed down as he reached his tower bedroom, slowly descending onto the balcony on his hind legs. The Dragon roared and the Child screamed again.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Virgil whispered, breath escaping in unwilling relief as he felt the Dragon touch solid ground. He didn’t believe those words, either, but he had to deal with a child here.

“He’s–He’s gonna kill us,” the Child responded through dry sobs, breathing still heaving without any tears. 

Virgil just squeezed him tighter. He wanted to comfort the kid, he just had no idea what to say nor do. God, he was garbage at this kinda thing. Patton’d be better suited. He just made people anxious.

Dude, he missed Patton. 

The pressure surrounding him disappeared in an instant. Virgil swore quietly as he fell about a foot onto the balcony’s ground, stiffening around the Child, who in turn balled his hands tighter into Virgil’s shirt fabric. 

“Relax, Shortstop, I’m not going to kill you,” the Dragon’s voice had a humored lilt.

He’s transformed back, sauntering closer and inspecting his two captives. The Child’s face, visible over Virgil’s shoulder, was squeezed into a shut-eyed, bitten-lip scowl. As the Dragon approached, he opened one eye, then both eyes, shock and stress written across his features. 

“Well,” the Dragon grinned, barring his sharpened teeth at the Child, “Not just yet.”

The Child squeaked and squeezed Virgil tighter. 

Virgil rubbed his back and exhaled slowly, trying to steel his shot nerves. He was definitely more jumpy than usual, if there was a usual where he wasn’t jumpy. But he couldn’t afford that right now — his instincts were torn between screaming, freezing in place and yelling bloody murder, and kicking the shit out of the Dragon right here and right now. 

Neither of those were very productive options, and the Child’s panicked breaths reminded him that he needed to focus. Needed to think. Of something.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, knees bending and pushing off of the ground so he could sit up, “No one’s getting killed.”

Virgil looked back at the Dragon with a hard-set glare. “Back off, Dragon Tales.”

The Dragon stopped. 

Virgil watched him raise his hands, as though he were trying to pretend he weren’t a threat. Why would he do that, though?

“I won’t,” he said, more serious, eyes meeting Virgil’s, “I promise.”

They held eye contact for a few seconds, Virgil searching for the Dragon’s honesty. He wanted to trust him, wanted to trust every part of Roman, of course. Roman was his friend, built quite literally to be a hero. He was….

The things Virgil was ready to do for Roman. His shoulders slumped a little. On the other hand, this guy was ready to actually kill the Roman in his arms. 

He still wasn’t super over this whole “multiple Romans” thing. One was a handful already. And he didn’t want to THINK about the implications of multiple Romans and what that might mean if one wanted to kill the others.

“Can I come closer?” the Dragon asked. 

The Child gripped Virgil’s shirt tighter, poking his head out to glare at the Dragon. “No!” he shouted, “You’re not allowed to hurt Mister Anxiety!”

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He should say something, should defend himself and the Child — oh goodness gracious, he was just a CHILD! — but he couldn’t think of what to say. 

The Child was worried the Dragon was going to hurt him?

“I’m not going to,” the Dragon said.

He was trying to level out his voice but it was difficult. His instinct was to pounce on them both and tear the Child right from his Virgil’s arms but he also wanted to give his Dark Night anything he wanted. Anything but the other Romans. But if they made him HAPPY — they couldn’t, no. They were annoying! Stupid! Useless and Worthless! 

Virgil slowly stood up, watching the Dragon with a guarded expression. 

They had to find a way out of here. 

Pain. He hissed, stumbling a little.

The Child felt his hold loosen and slowly let go himself, sliding down Virgil’s side. He didn’t want to burden him any more than he already was. Plus he could walk. He should have been walking! Why had he let Mister Morality carry him, ah, jeez. Useless.

His hand ran over a wet patch. Oh no. 

“Mister Anxiety, you’re still bleeding.”

So he was. Virgil put a hand to his side, feeling the cloth thick with blood. 

“Oh, dear.” He had done that, hadn’t he? The Dragon put his hands down and rushed over immediately, eyes wide. He sucked in a breath when Virgil flinched away, but with the adrenaline wearing off, the pain was settling in. It must have hurt. Why did he do that? 

The Child moved Virgil’s cloak to the side, revealing a fairly large spot of wet, dark blood against his dark purple shirt. He immediately turned back to the Dragon, face set in an angry scowl. 

“You hurt him,” he snapped.

The Dragon opened his mouth, stunned, stuttering. He hadn’t meant to! He swore, he would never, he didn’t want to hurt his Virgil. “I–Well, I didn’t–I–”

“You hurt Virgil!” the Child shouted again, anger building in his voice.

“Hey, kid,” Virgil hissed, putting his other hand over his ear while the other clamped over the wound.

“You HURT VIRGIL!” the Child screeched. 

He stomped his foot and the Dragon actually took a step back. 

“ALL YOU DO IS HURT! YOU’RE A MONSTER!” 

He was wrong, the Dragon thought numbly. He was a monster, he was a villain, but he wasn’t evil. He hadn’t meant to hurt Virgil. It probably wasn’t even that bad. 

Yeah, it probably wasn’t. 

He had to be wrong.

“YOU’RE STUPID AND MEAN!”

“Shut up,” the Dragon leaned forward again, ignoring how Virgil put an arm around the Child, pulling him back.

Smoke escaped from his lips as he barred his teeth, snarling at the Child to get him to shut up. He had to! The Child was wrong, getting it all wrong! 

You’re getting it all wrong, and hurting them in the process.

But he did not. “YOU HURT HIM AND YOU’RE GOING TO HURT EVERYONE ELSE!”

“No, no, you know I’m better,” the Dragon darted forward, pulling Virgil off of the Child and grabbing him by the front of his cloak. He lifted the Child off the ground, ignoring his incoherent shouting, kicking, arms grappling to get out of his hold. But he didn’t stop shouting accusations.

“YOU’RE EVIL! YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN A DARK SIDE!”

“I WILL TEAR YOUR NECK OUT,” the Dragon roared, shaking the Child as he hung in the air. 

“HEY! HEY HEY!”

The Dragon was yanked back suddenly, jarring him into dropping the Child. Virgil yanked him back by the horn and shoved him behind, placing himself between the two. He held up two hands, two trembling hands, head turning quickly between them both as the Child pushed himself up and the Dragon regained his balance. 

Ridiculous. He was being childish, lowering himself to this. He didn’t want his Virgil to see those parts! Maybe they could go somewhere else, somewhere less out doors. The wind was really whipping around them, a storm brewing over the forrest. 

“Virgil,” the Dragon spoke, ignoring how Virgil immediately turned to glare at him, “Don’t you want to go somewhere more….comfortable, without the Child? I can take you to another room, I can have the healers dress your wound—”

“I’m not going anywhere without Child,” Virgil snapped.

The Dragon scoffed, straightening his back and resting his hand over his sword. “Come on, Virge, you can’t be serious. Look at him! He’s just a snot-nosed brat with a loud mouth,” he gestured to the Child with his elbow, who glowered in anger. 

“Well, said brat didn’t stab me, and never kidnapped me, so we’re on better terms,” the Child grinned at Virgil, brightening up immensely. 

“We are?” he asked, jumping in place and clapping, “Yay! I love you, Mister Anxiety!” 

“Shut up, Beanie Baby,” the Dragon said, cape whipping around as he glared at them all. 

He growled again at them both, ignoring how Virgil and the Child both flinched away as smoke blew up from his mouth once more. If Virgil was so adamant….

Maybe the Child was right. Maybe they were all right! That didn’t matter! He couldn’t be a monster, he was ROMAN! By Mars’ sword, he was NOT evil. Just a little impulsive, brash, self-centered. Wasn’t a little self-centeredness good when you were the ego? I mean, if I didn’t love myself then what would that say about Thomas?

The Dragon smoothed himself down, running his hand along his sash and looking out across the world. Worlds, actually. He could see the peaks of sky scrapers beyond the mountains in the distance. There were so many universes, so many stories and songs and characters and people that lived in this Imagination. His babies! His prides and joys! 

He was protecting it all. He had to do this, he had to kill the others. They didn’t know what was best for Roman! 

Virgil squeezed the skin over his wound again, one arm still bracing the Child back. If the Dragon were to attack, though, neither of them stood a chance at survival. Guess I’ll die. 

If Virgil was so adamant about staying with the Child, then the Dragon would allow him to get annoyed in his own time. He could bleed out for all the Dragon cared! Well, he wouldn’t bleed out. It was Thomas who’d be suffering a loss of Anxiety, so what was a little extra time in the dungeons?

The Child peeked around the balcony. It was large, and high up. They couldn’t fly like the Dragon could and if they jumped they’d surely fall. He could imagine something! But a lot of the things the Child imagined were unsafe, or unfinished, or scribbled out on crayon. The Child scooted closer to the balcony’s railing and peered over. It was definitely far. “What do you see?” Virgil asked, leaning over to look as well.

“Ground,” the Child said, then he sighed, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.”

“Falling would suck,” Virgil mumbled.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna. It looks far.”

“A great fall indeed!” they both jumped and turned to the Dragon.

He was at the balcony doors, throwing them open. Beyond were a few guards, who immediately turned and began towards Virgil and the Child. One guard lifted the Child by the scruff of his shirt while two guards grabbed Virgil by the arms. 

Well. Fuck. He shouted, struggling to get out of their hold. His face was gripped roughly and turned up. 

Panic met pride as the Dragon looked him over, eyes trailing across Virgil’s face with an unreadable expression, taking in the details. The Dragon had been so flamboyant earlier, what gives now?

What, was this the last time they’d see each other or something? That was a stressful thought. Virgil tried to yank his arms free again but to no avail.

“I’ll leave you with Child, my stormcloud,” the Dragon hissed into his face. 

Virgil smelt the smoke and froze in fear. 

The Dragon let of Virgil’s face with a terse smile and patted his head as he leaned away. “Take them both to the dungeons,” he waved his hands to the guards, who tightened their hold. “Throw them in with Princess Peach!”

“Lemme go!” Virgil shouted, trying to kick the guards. 

One of the guards yanked his arm and they both lifted him off the ground. Well.

The Child and Virgil were carried, dragged, and pulled all the way down the stairs. There were a lot of stairs. It must have been floors and floor of stairs because Virgil had no idea how far they’d descended so far. On every landing was a tapestry, something artsy, sometimes with a picture of Roman. 

Some were torn. Virgil winced at one that was torn to unrecognizable shreds. He wondered what that was about; it was clear that the Dragon had torn them up, given the rips looked like claws (or maybe Roman could turn into a Dragon? Who knows.) and the sporadicness of which tapestries were ripped up. But Virgil couldn’t really tell the correlation. 

The farther town they got, the colder it got, too. By the time he’d noticed the temperature changing, Virgil’s legs were weary from the long walk down. 

“Are we there yet?” he heard the Child groan from behind. 

No response from any of the guards. Guess none of them recognized the Roman in him. Well, ya know, maybe it was a fluke! They did have orders. Maybe they’d recognize him when he was idle.

At the next landing, somewhere between the fifteenth and the eighteenth, Virgil noticed the first tapestry with Remus. It was, of course, of Roman standing literally on top of him and basking in sunlight, but you know. It was the thought that counted. As they descended, more of the tapestries featured anecdotes from Remus, and more of the tapestries featured gory scenes. Some featured Roman being defeated and Remus reigning supreme. 

He could hear the Child grumbling. Honestly, he was a little scared, too. In all their hassle of trying to find Roman, none of them remembered that Remus and Roman’s sides of the Imagination had probably blended with the Imagination’s dismemberment.

They didn’t really know how the Imagination was separated between the two. Roman had always kept the Imagination under such tight lock and key that even virgil and Patton only knew certain select locations, and had never been to the town or the castle, despite the fact that all the Romans seemed to refer to it as a very regular scene. 

That hurt. Again. 

Did Roman not trust them or something? 

Did he think they were going to wreck his creations? 

Well, Virgil thought bitterly, he wouldn’t be wrong.

Virgil knew he wasn’t exactly a well of positivity, that his criticism would often leave the prince actually offended. But that was part of his job. If Thomas wasn’t putting out his best final product, then what was the point of putting it out? And then what would be the fall out? They couldn’t risk a risky video or something that wasn’t up to par with their others. 

Still. He’d take back every jab and note if it meant Roman would have never done this to himself. 

That had to be it, right? Or at least part of it. They’d all pushed him down so much he broke and now they were without their prince. “Their.” His. Yeah. 

Finally, once they were out of stairs to descend upon, the guards veered right down a corridor. At this point, this far down, Virgil was sure they were underground at least a little. 

“The dungeons,” the Child spoke quietly. 

The hall felt damp and the walls were some kind of stone. An incredibly stereotypical dungeon, but it fit in with the rest of the stereotypically Disney village and castle. Virgil could barely see anything, either, because the only light was from some torches on the walls. There were doors, thick and iron, none open. This was honestly almost his aesthetic.

They were brought down the hall, turned a left at the very end, and the walls pushed back. All of the cells down this hall had barred gates and they could barely see into each of the cells. They all seemed to have lumps. There was a tiny window at the very top of every cell, light streaming in, but with grass visible. Just barely under ground. And that was all the light down this hall, only those tiny ass windows.

Virgil did NOT like this, not in the slightest. First the fucking sewer, and now this?! Like, he would have liked this aesthetic, but he was not going to be staying down here. And these cells were TINY!

The frontmost guard opened a cell and both Virgil and the Child were tossed in, falling on top of each other. 

The Child wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist immediately. He pressed his face into Virgil’s chest and squeezed his eyes shut. 

If he thought about it, he could imagine a different situation. They were just sitting on bed! He was Roman and he was sitting on his bed in his room and he was snuggled against Virgil’s chest and they were watching Black Cauldron and they WEREN’T in one of Remus’ dungeon rooms and he WASN’T terrified out of his fucking mind. 

“Hey, hey,” Virgil ran a hand through the Child’s hair, holding him closer and looking around at their surroundings, “It’s okay.”

It was very much not okay. Upon closer inspection, Virgil could make out a toilet, a sink, and a regular twin-sized bed. Seemed pretty clean, too. Huh. 

Honestly, the amenities were alright. The real issue was the fact that the cell was tiny, dark, a little wet now that he was sitting on the ground, cold, and that the stab wound in his side still hurt. It couldn’t have been that deep, since he wasn’t bleeding too much anymore (listen to him, bleeding too much, as if there were an acceptable limit to bleed), but it hurt like a bitch. 

“We’re….We’re gonna be okay.” And now he was lying through his teeth, that wasn’t helping. He hated lying so blatantly like this, especially to Roman.

It felt like his heart was going to jump out of his throat and strangle him on its way out. Virgil was two seconds away from losing his mind already.

The Child looked up at him and scooted off his chest. He watched Virgil with a pout, eyes boring into his. “You can’t actually believe that,” he said.

Called out. Virgil’s cheek twitched and his fingers drummed against his arms as he crossed them. He could feel himself shaking.

“....Alright, well, I don’t. But I do know Logan and the Thief wouldn’t just leave us,” Virgil looked out the bars in front of them and did not say anything about how he wasn’t even sure if the Thief was alive still, since the last time they saw him, he had a giant sword slice through his chest. 

“But how’re they gonna get in? So how’re we gonna get out?” the Child hopped to his feet and ran up to the bars. 

He stuck his head between the bars — if he started panicking, that’d upset Mister Anxiety, and the Child did NOT want that! — and looked around. There was another cell across from them and the Child could have sworn that he just saw something move. Ew, did Remus’ rats get out? DID THEY EVEN HAVE CAGES?! 

Oh my goodness, where was Remus?

The Child turned his head away from the other cell, because it wasn’t helping his no-fear situation now that he was imagining his demented brother locked in with him and Virgil. Instead, he looked down the hall. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, expelling some energy. Not afraid at all. There were some guards standing at attention at the turn. They weren’t moving, they hadn’t gotten any orders. 

“Hey!” the Child shouted at them.

No reaction. 

He deflated. He wasn’t Roman. He’d never be Roman. He rested his head on the bar and exhaled. That’s okay. He knew he wasn’t Roman! It was okay.

Meanwhile, Virgil had scooted himself back against the wall. Definitely Logan and Patton wouldn’t leave them captured, that’s for sure, but Virgil had never really expected them to be fighters. Not in the slightest. So he wasn’t sure of when or how they’d get them out. 

A part of him, though, almost expected Deceit to just storm into the castle. 

Not really storm so much as phase in through the wall or something. Emerge from the shadows and unveil that he’d been there all along and was going to save him or something. He was always everywhere anyway, and when they’d been friends, he’d used that omnipresence to be helpful. 

Virgil kind of missed that. He did miss Deceit and the relationship they shared. Fuck, was he already getting cabin fever?

He leaned his head against the cold stone wall. Clear your head. You have to be perceptive. The smallest of things. This is what you’re good at. He slowed his breathing, tapping out the 4-7-8 rhythm on his leg. 

As he calmed down, he did begin noticing things. One thing in particular. 

“Child,” the Child turned around to Virgil, who motioned him closer. 

He hopped back, sliding across the ground and plopping down beside Virgil. 

Virgil cupped his hand around the Child’s ear. “Someone’s singing,” he breathed.

The Child pulled back and looked up at him with a frown. Was Virgil already getting cabin fever? He couldn’t hear any singing. 

Virgil took his hand and a deep breath. 

Slowly, the Child’s poorly hidden fear was drawn away, and he sniffed. Behind the fear was sorrow first and foremost, because he wasn’t Roman and he wasn’t Roman and Roman was never coming back and if he was he wasn’t going to be the same.

“Hey, breathe,” Virgil whispers cut through his thoughts like a sword “Just focus. Listen.”

The Child sniffed again and tugged his hands out. He rubbed his face, hid his face, and tried to focus.

Quiet. Dark. HE wanted to do some singing to fill this void. It was hopeless.

But then he heard it. 

“Far from the ones who abandoned you~”

Shiny. Moana. 

The Child looked up immediately. He looked at Virgil, who raised his eyebrows at him and nodded forward. 

The singing was coming from the cell across from them. 

“Chasing the love of the others~”

Another Roman?

‘Damsel,’ the Child mouthed.

Virgil nodded, then turned back to the cell. He squinted into the dark. The Child followed suit.

Instead of the rats that the Child thought he’d seen, he could vaguely make out someone sitting in the corner, curled into a ball with an arm around his head. 

“Who made you feel wanted.”

“Damsel?” Virgil asked.

The singing immediately stopped. The lump in the corner curled up tighter, shifting only a little, becoming smaller. 

The Child frowned. “Hello?” 

No response yet again. The Child pressed his hands into his lap, straightening his elbows. He was so frustrated. And sad. He kinda wanted to cry.

But he didn’t have any water in him. Hm. The Child smacked his lips quietly and exhaled. 

“I’m thirsty,” he murmured.

Virgil sighed. He was still watching the shadow — the Damsel, maybe?

“Sorry, kid,” Virgil said, “I don’t know how to help.”

The Child rubbed his face. 

There was a wooshing sound, and he felt something appear beside him. A….A wine glass full of water? 

Virgil squinted at the Damsel. If that was him. The more he starred the more he was certain. He must be injured, upset even. 

He wondered what part of Roman he represented. It couldn’t have been something good, not with that name and not with those experiences.

The sound of slurping drew his attention. Virgil blinked and looked at the Child, who was chugging a wine glass of water. Where’d he get that? 

“Where did that come from?” Virgil asked, brow furrowed. 

The Child shrugged, still drinking, and got through about half of it. Then he held it out to Virgil. “Thirsty?”

Huh. Virgil raised an eyebrow.  “Did you conjure that?”

The Child shook his head. 

They both looked up at the other person. Virgil slowly took the drink and sipped it a tiny bit. He couldn’t deny that he wasn’t thirsty. After he handed back the glass, he pushed himself up, then winced. 

“Mister Anxiety?” the Child asked, jumping up as well.

“I’m okay. It just hurts,” he was really trying to keep the kid from panicking, honest, but he couldn’t do that naturally. 

Plus, he’d been having a very light level of panic this entire escapade, and it was very much skyrocketing right now.

“Is it still bleeding?” the Child asked.

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but his eyes flicked to the side. The figure had straightened up at that. 

And he got an idea. 

“Yeah. A little,” Virgil watched the figure stand up and limp to the bars. 

“You’re bleeding?” a soft, gentle, painfully familiar voice from the other cell.

The Child grinned as the other Roman entered the light, but Virgil just blanched. The Damsel was definitely in distress. He wore a black tanktop and white pants with a red stripe down the outer side, but what was truly troublesome were the wounds. A bloodied piece of white fabric was wrapped around his head, covering one of his eyes, and there were others wrapped around his arms. One of his pant legs was torn, with another makeshift tourniquet wrapped around his leg where it was torn. 

His hair and disposition were both drooping, shoulders slumped, weight balanced more on his undamaged leg. He met Virgil’s look and immediately ducked his head. “Do you need a bandage?” his voice was breathy and breathless at the same time, soft but reproachful. 

He reminded Virgil of a kicked puppy. 

Oh, Roman. 

 “If you have one to spare?” Virgil asked, pressing his lips together and thinking for a second before continuing, “Are you Roman?”

He didn’t look up, turning back to his corner and bending down. Something was tossed across the cells, which the Child caught with one hand, in sync. A torn piece of white fabric, a makeshift bandage. 

“Y-Yes. A Roman. I’ve been called the Damsel,” he returned to his corner, “But I’d prefer it if you-if you just didn’t call me at all.”

“No, I–Damsel, please,” the Child rushed to the bars, pressing into them, “Are you okay? He hurt you, right? Bard didn’t let me watch much but I saw a little and—”

“Can you please not talk about that?” the Damsel hissed, and the Child immediately shut up.

Virgil gently tugged the bandage from the Child’s hand and he let go immediately. There was something….disconcerting about this Roman. Virgil didn’t know what it was, but he was either scared of, or scared for him. 

He was hurt. That was for certain. Carefully, he began taking off his coat, then he lifted his shirt, holding it with his mouth as he squeezed his wound and covered it with the bandage.

The Damsel was watching them, tired. Somber. 

Roman was always tired. 

He exhaled and looked back up at the window. At his beautiful creation, the little light he could see. The little he could feel. And he kept singing, gentle, for the world.

“I tried to be tough~”

“But my armor wasn’t hard enough.”

[loki-fanfic-whore]

Falling From Olympus ch.16

Warnings- none

@drakesfiance @kybaeza @sunshine-and-riverwater @woohoney @puppens101 @saxgirl21

Chapter 16 Birth

"I beg your pardon lyra?" Loki spoke softly holding your unconcious form.

"Excuse me, my prince, but I know what I hear. She is carrying twins. And that is even more dangerous. She has carried them far too long for them to be healthy. I will have to cut her open and pull them out." She and the other healer began to ready your body.

"You may want to look away your highness. She will bleed and there will be organs showing." She then donned gloves and slit you down the center of your large belly. True to her word blood dripped from the wound and Loki felt bile rise in his throat. The healer cut through multiple layers and then rearranged some organs to get to your womb. She cut into the womb and sure enough she pulled from the womb a very large and screaming blue child. It had a tuft of black hair on it head and lungs that could put anyone to shame. She handed the child off to the other healer who cut the cord and began to clean the babe. She then pulled out a much smaller, but still lung strong babe. This one was longer instead of broader, but screamed just as well. She handed this babe off as well and set to work closing you up.

A monitor began to flash and beeping loudly and Loki's head snapped from the babies crying to you. Your breathing was shallow and you were deathly pale.

"No. No no no. Please don't do this. I need you. The babies need you. We need you. My realm needs its queen." His tears were heavy and flowed onto your cheeks as the monitor alarmed that your heart had stopped. The healer pulled you from his arms forcefully and pushed him out of the way as they performed cpr.

Pressing down on your sternum as it cracked under the pressure of them forcing your heart to beat. Loki ran to the babies and picked them up holding both of them to his chest as they all cried together.

Demeter stepped into the room and glared at everyone.

"Leave her." She commanded but the healers kept pumping the compressions.

Demeter strode forward and pulled the healer off of you, throwing her across the room.

"I said leave her. She was ungrateful and deserves this." She stood over your quickly cooling corpse as Loki held his sobbing children to his chest.

"How dare you! Get out! I command it!" He roared as guards came in and forcefully removed Demeter from the room. The healers quickly set about trying to bring you back as Loki prayed. He tried to shush the babies but nothing seemed to work. Deep down he wondered if they were still contacted to you and knew you were severing that connection.

"We got her back, but its weak. Quickly." The compressing healer jumped off of you and grabbed a kit to give you blood. Loki laid the finally settled twins down and stepped forward rolling his sleeve up. Demeter re-entered and cleared her throat.

"We need to talk." She said softly staring at your limp form.

"Indeed we do." Loki hissed.

You opened your eyes and groaned weakly.

"Where- where is the babe?" You felt the need to ask.

"Shhh you've lost a lot of blood. As have I. The babes are fine. Sleeping." Loki cooed softly as he gently petted your head.

"You had twin Jotun within you. One is a great stout son. Like thor but blue and looks like you. The other is a thin and long girl. She resembles me." He chuckled as your eyes widdened and tears of happiness flowed.

"I feel so weak. It took so much out of me." You mumbled feeling tired still.

"Yes well, I told you carrying a Jotun was incredibly dangerous. You not only carried them past term. You carried two together. I am absolutely shocked you got out unscathed." He half lied. He snaked a hand into yours.

"Your mother and I reached an agreement as well. You shall live with me here in asgard, then traverse back to her for the mortals. Then about five revolutions of the moon you shall stay with her, then return to me." He smiled as you audibly gasped. Not at what he had said but as you looked past him at Lyra who was holding your babies. You reached for them and hissed as your chest ached. You looked down to see the bruising all over you.

"Complications I am afraid. You will heal soon enough." Lyra smiled and handed over your children as you stared down at them in amazement.

"We made these. They are...so beautiful...and ours." You were having a hard time articulating your thoughts as you stared down at them.

The girl yawned and reached out as her brother reached out and took her hand. They both snuggled together in an asymmetrical yinyang.

"You falling from your realm was the best thing that has happened to me...I love you so much my queen." Loki smiled as he kissed your forehead.

You laughed and kissed his lips.

"I never thought about it like that, but you are right. Falling from Olympus was the best thing to ever happen to me. I have everything I have ever wanted and couldn't ask for more..." you whispered as Loki held you and you held the twins. You had fallen from Olympus, but you had come home.

"Hi love, welcome home." Loki said softly kissing your head, as if reading your mind. You smiled and sighed contentedly.

"Now, how about some clothes?" Loki teased and you laughed weakly.

"Gods dont have to wear clothes where I come from. And you never complained before the babes." You teased back.

The air in this realm was different, fresher and more fitting for your lungs. This indeed was your new home. And you couldnt be happier.

Fin

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job.