#i want him to record an audiobook

[amaranth]

instagram keeps suggesting me hozier videos the crush is getting worse

[weird-an]

The whole day at the Byers' passes in a blur of laughter and food. It took a while to warm up to then. To be honest, he's still wary. What do they get out of it? But it's nice. If Christmas is always like this, Billy might like it. He even got to sleep on the couch. He even was allowed to get seconds from the turkey Joyce made.

Now? Now he's "getting the Camaro" before getting to eat another meal at the Byers' and gets to see Steve. He nearly crushes him with his hug.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Billy," he laughs.

Billy can't help but to smile a little. He has to give Steve his present now, before he gets too… scared. It was hard to get him a present.

One day, he was so frustrated, he just grabbed Max' stupid recorder, a worn out copy of a book he keeps hidden in his matress and started to read Maurice out loud. In the first few minutes one hears Max' bitching in the background, but then Billy promised her to drive her to Sinclair's as often as she likes. Before Billy realized it, he spent a whole night and several tapes recording an audiobook of Maurice for Steve Harrington.

He hands it to Steve. It looks pathetic, wrapped in old newspapers. With the handdrawn card that looks even more pathetic.

Billy didn't buy Steve a card. They were all fucking ugly. Instead he drew a doodle of the Camaro and wrote "Ticket out of Hawkins" on the license plate, because he is an idiot and he might be in love.

"Merry Christmas, Steve."

Steve tears open the package and pauses for a moment. Billy's stomach churns. He doesn't like it, a voice in his head says. It sounds like Neil. Of course he doesn't like it. It's a stupid gift from an idiot.

"Did you… record this yourself?"

Billy just shrugs, avoiding to look Steve in the eye. Waits for him to scoff, laugh or whatever. He doesn't.

Now Steve pulls him into a hug, so hard that it squeezes the air out of him.

"It's perfect. You're perfect," he mumbles into Billy's ear. "And I'll take that ticket out of Hawkins. Let's just leave. Soon. Together."

Billy bites back a sob of relief. Steve saying that is the best thing ever. He's so stupid for Steve Harrington.

Part 1 Part 2

[ckret2]

So y'all know the Gravity Falls production bible that leaked three weeks ago. Someone in one of my discord servers pointed this out:

And, naturally, that spawned an entire AU.

AU Concept: Ford was kicked out instead of Stan and takes a job as a trucker to makes ends meet since he couldn't go to college, while still studying the weird and anomalous however he can.

Ford driving around from quirky small town to quirky small town, drifting through the liminal spaces of truck stops, meeting odd people in isolated diners, seeing strange things out on the road—a deer with too many eyes bounding across a two-lane highway, a flirty woman at a rest stop who doesn't blink or breathe, mysterious lights in the sky at night, inhuman growls on the CB or 50-year-old broadcasts on the radio—and taking notes when he stops for gas or food.

Aside from having gotten kicked out before graduating high school, Ford's the same person he is in canon.

He's still an ambitious guy, and here "ambitious" means working hard and saving as much money as he can—so, a long haul owner-operator who spends weeks at a time on the road. (He goes through a LOT of educational audiobooks.) Plus, this is the easiest way for him to get to travel the country; and since it looks like his "travel the world" dreams with Stan are dead, he'll take what he can get.

Since he's never in the same spot long and carries his life in a truck, almost all of Ford's research is in his journal. His bag of investigation supplies has an instant camera, a portable tape recorder, a thermometer, a flashlight, rubber gloves, and a few zip lock bags—and that's about it. It has to share space with all his clothes, toiletries, and nonperishable food when he's on the road. He doesn't have much opportunity to closely examine anything odd he finds, unless he's lucky enough to run into something when he can stop for the night. He has to cram his paranormal research around the side of his full-time job.

He doesn't live in Gravity Falls, but he knows it exists. Every time he moves—to Chicago, to Nebraska, to California—he seems to inch closer. He currently lives in Portland and usually hauls loads between the Pacific Northwest and Chicago or New York. He stops at the truck stop outside Gravity Falls when he can and has gone fishing in town a few times. He doesn't have the benefit of extensive research to know that this is the weirdest town in the world; but it seems pretty weird to him, there are local rumors about the town, and he's had some weird experiences in the area.

Plus, he can't explain it, but it's like the town's calling to him. He wants to move there, but it'd put him over an hour outside of Portland where the nearest jobs are. Maybe if somebody chucked him like $100k to build a cabin in the woods; but what are the odds of that?

He does know Fiddleford. Truck broke down somewhere and Fiddleford kindly pulled over to fix it on the fly. They looked at each other, had mutual knee-jerk "dumb trucker/hillbilly" reactions, and within ten minutes both went "oh wait you're the most brilliant genius i've ever met." Fiddleford's living the same life he was in canon before Ford called him to Gravity Falls—with his family in California, trying to start a computer company out of his garage—but they make friends and keep in contact.

One time Ford stops at a kitschy roadside knickknack store that also sells new agey magic things—crystals, tarot cards, incense, etc. He bought a "lucky" rearview mirror ornament that looks like an Eye of Providence in a top hat and hung it from his cab fan, and ever since then he's had weird dreams whenever he sleeps in his truck.

Things I don't know yet: what Stan's up to; or why Ford's the one who got kicked out. I tend to believe that in canon Stan wasn't just kicked out because he ruined Ford's college prospects, but rather because the family thought he deliberately sabotaged Ford; so in this AU, Ford would've been kicked out over a proportionate crime.

[withahappyrefrain]

BOB FLOYD CODED

YES IT IS. It's also Bob with a confident woman coded, which I absolutely love.

It was cute how he tried to blend in with the background. His seat may have been in the corner, but his tall broad frame made him stand out. Unlike his friends, he was quiet, occasionally joining in on the conversation, though quite content to just listen and watch.

He was adorable and God, did you want him.

So when his friends got up to go play pool and sing by the piano, you swooped in. His bright blue eyes widened as he took you in, like a deer in headlights.

"H-hello," his voice was deep with a slight rasp to it. You couldn't tell the location of his accent, but it was definitely rural.

Had the Navy not worked out, he could make a killing recording audiobooks.

"Hi handsome," you smiled as you gently pushed a dark blonde curl away from his forehead, "How ya doing?"

"I'm uh, good!" He cleared his throat, trying to maintain some composure, "Just to let you know, the blonde is engaged and like head over heels in love with her. Basically she worships her. The guy playing piano is free, but he's not ready for a relationship, or a one night stand. The girl next to him is open if you're open. If not, you can go for Javy, he's the one who is-"

"Why are you telling me all of this?" You asked, moving so that you were standing in between his legs. The newly close proximity allowed you to take in the scent of his cologne.

"I, uh," he tried scooting backwards, only to hit the wall, "Isn't that why you're here?"

He thought you were here to get information on his friends, not him.

How cute.

You simply shook your head, leaning forward, "I'm here for you handsome. What's your name?"

"B-Bob," his eyes widened again, "Wait, you're here for, for me?"

The idea of being the one a beautiful stranger would go after was foreign to Bob. Usually it was anyone else in his friend group. He was used to being the one that folks would go to in order to get information about someone else. This was a change.

Not that he minded.

In fact, Bob liked it. A lot.

Once the initial shock had worn off, he found himself easily able to strike up a conversation with you. He was so expressive, using his large hands and big eyes to help tell his stories. You found Bob quite knowledgeable, but never cocky. He was born in Montana and raised there until he was ten, when his family moved to California as his dad was part of the Navy, which explained his accent.

Inexperience wasn't his problem. It was just when he was out with his friends, who were stereotypically attracted, Bob tend to got lost in the mix of things.

A true shame, even though it was greatly benefiting you.

"I love your voice," You murmured against his ear, breath hot on his skin.

"You-really?" Bob squeaked, trying not to focus on how soft your skin felt against his, or the sweet scent of your perfume.

You giggled, the noise sweeter than any song Bob had ever heard, "Yeah. Love how deep it is. Could listen to it all day."

"I uh, that's uh, really nice of ya to say," His voice was shaky as your attention to him made Bob remember what was happening. A beautiful stranger went up to talk, wanted to talk to him, wanted to hear him.

On the other hand, you just simply smiled. He was so cute, having no idea what kind of effect he had on you.

Perhaps it was time to let him know.

Your lips trailed down to his neck, the scent of his aftershave absolutely addicting.

The grip he had on your hips increased, fingernails digging into the soft fabric of your shirt.

"Yeah? Could say the same about you darlin." His voice was lower, purposely so, as he cooed in your ear, "Your voice is so pretty, I've been wondering what other noises you can make with it."

So he could play the game after all.

You could too.

Gently, you lifted one left, raising it up and towards his lap. To distract him, you began peppering his jawline with kisses as you continued to direct your lifted knee closer and closer to his crotch.

While Bob's sharp gasp audibly let you know you reached your desired destination, you didn't need the sound to know.

You could feel him.

It's always the quiet ones.

Bob's fingers dug into the soft fabric of your skirt, willing himself to not moan on the stop, trying to remind him how awkward it would be to explain to his parents why he was honorably discharged from the Navy.

So instead, he pulled your hips towards him, practically closing the space between your bodies.

Gone was that sweet, yet unsure smile. In it's place was a confident smirk, that made your thighs clench.

When he stood up from his seat, it was then you realized how tall he truly was. Not that you minded.

"Why don't we go somewhere a little more private," His voice was seductively low against your skin, "I'm not into sharing."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I left a bad review on a book I haven’t purchased?

(📚📖 to find later)

I’m an audiobook narrator professionally. I do most of my work via independent contracting with a production company. NOTE: they are NOT a publishing house. They do not provide editors/betas/etc for the text, they focus on turning (usually self published) books into audiobooks and marketing those audiobooks.

Most of the books I record with them are great, and I have a lot of fun reading good books! But…some of the books I’ve read for them have been. REALLY. REALLY. bad. Like I personally would have stopped reading within the first few pages bad if it wasn’t literally my job to read the words out loud.

I’m currently reading a book for them that makes me want to tear my hair out. The writing is boring, badly paced, and repetitive. None of the characters are likeable, and the relationships are shallow, the combat is boring, there are no stakes, etc etc. To give you an idea, the main character is the type of kid who on the playground would insist he had a mega super invincibility shield so you couldn’t touch him, but he also had a mega super invincibility shield breaking sword if you decided you wanted a shield too. And the narrative REWARDS HIM for acting that way.

I’ve never left a review on any of the books I’ve narrated before, but this one…i am seriously considering writing a review to try and warn people away from this book.

A few things to consider, though:

1: i am not being paid royalty share from the book, i get a flat rate based on the number of hours in the final audiobook. But as far as I know, the author only starts making money from producing this audiobook once the production company makes back the money they paid me for making it.

2: i would review anonymously/under a fake name and only on the book product page, not the product page for the audiobook version.

3: if an audiobook does not sell, then it is most likely I will not be obligated to continue recording the rest of the series (and it IS a series. At least three books are out as of now. I am currently slated to record them all, provided the audiobook sells decently)

4: the book currently has ~250 reviews already, and a 4.7/5 rating (how???? get some fucking standards), so it’s not like I’m leaving a 1 star review on something that only has 6 reviews.

I don’t think that one bad review would tank the whole series, but I do feel like leaving bad reviews on a product I didn’t even buy might be a dick move, especially if the author’s pay for this book relies on it selling well. But on the other hand, his book sucks and people should know that.

I wouldn’t be leaving a “0 stars: this sucks” review, I’d want to make it comprehensive and detailed. But I’d also feel bad about that because I’m sure the author reads his reviews, and even though his book sucks shit, i don’t want to like…make someone lose their passion to write? But ALSO if you’re making people pay $16 for the book and/or $40 for the audiobook, maybe the book should be fucking good? Idk.

So, tumblr, WIBTA?

[swee7dream]

bless up cg!renjun hcs i beg 🙏🙏

- @aeriaeri

sick days with cg!renjun huang renjun x gn!reader

author's note hello beloved ! hope this lives up to your expectations :3 dni if you sexualize age regression warnings none

do NOT let renjun find out you’re sick

he will literally end you

not actually but like

you will feel like he will because he’s beating the words per minute world record as he scolds you

he told you staying up late like you have been lately is bad for you

he told you not eating just because you don’t feel like cooking would end badly

but noooooooooooooo

you never listen

and so you get the straitjacket treatment from renjun, wrapped up tight in blankets under layers and layers of clothes

you’re on a strict diet of vegetable cream, soup, and water. want something warm? tea. something cold? no way.

literally looks like he’s on the verge of tears the whole time

hates seeing you moaning and groaning and just overall in pain :( his poor baby :(

leaves mask-covered kisses all over your face because they’re the only bits of exposed skin on your body

yes, he’s wearing a mask. he doesn’t wanna get sick because if you get him sick then how can he nurse you back to health? what if he gets sick as you’re getting better and then gets you sick again and begins a never-ending cycle? he won’t have it

refuses to let you watch tv all day even if you’re sick unlike some people

coughjenocough

reads you books aloud. picture books and chapter books, classics and fresh off the printer. if you’re ever sick and jun is not around-

first of all, the minute you text him to let him know he’ll gasp so loud the people around him will think somebody has died or something more serious

because it is serious to him

but basically, if jun is away and you gotta deal with a yucky sickness on your own, you can rely on a collection of audios of jun-voiced audiobooks and lullabies that he gave you as a gift after the first time you were left alone

about that time, he cried.

not even being dramatic, he actually cried

hearing your Little voice shiver over the phone, your teeth chattering... if he closed his eyes he could see you curled up in a fetal position with a clogged nose and no strength to even use the restroom.

he was heartbroken

he honestly felt like a failure to leave you alone when you needed him most

once you were no longer under the weather you tried to console him, telling him there was no way he could’ve known you were going to be sick while he was gone and that after a nap you slipped out of Little Space and managed to nurse yourself to health but he wasn’t having any of it

he’s so stubborn sigh ..

but since then, every time you get sick with him around you can always hear a hint of a smile in his scolding because yeah, you might be sick, and yeah, it's probably because of your poor health decisions when Big, but at least he’s here to take care of you this time

[twelvemonkeyswere]

I re-read Good Omens via audiobook and I just collected my favorite details

"Crowley rather liked people" is a quote I still love so much. Even though he is a demon with the job of making people upset each other, he likes humans. The contrast between what they make him do and how he experiences Earth.

That scene with the ducks where Crowley almost drowns a duck and Aziraphale is like "I say, my dear" and Crowley is like "Oh yes I forgot myself" and allows the duck to return to the surface. Crowley is usually very polite about the most unhinged things which I just find endearing

All the times Aziraphale calls Crowley "dear boy"

The fact Aziraphale has "exquisitely manicured" hands lmao. I like to think he does go to the manicurist, same as he has a proper barber in the show

Aziraphale blushes sometimes and often gives mean looks to customers to push them out of shop

I like the on-going theme in the Good Omens universe of wanting to build a better world for loved ones, but how that drive, when taken to an extreme, is self destructive. Adam says he'll make the earth good for the Them, and will make sure the Them will be protected and happy in it. But the Them don't want it, they understand Adam is acting out and is not thinking things through. There is no point in trying to possess something and bend it to will forcefully. It wouldn't be good. It wouldn't be of free will. It would make them just another of his whims and no one, either the Them or Adam, actually want that

Aziraphale thinks Crowley is a creature of God when you "get right down to it", which is a thought both meaner and kinder than he realizes

Crowley is described to have "a voice so laid-back you could lay a carpet on it"and it's my most favorite thing ever lmaooo

"You're seducing women here!" /"I think perhaps you got the wrong shop" is always a brilliant line

Even though everything in the Bently turns into Queen's Greatest Hits, I love that Crowley actually loves music, and keeps his collection of records highly organized

Also love the fact that Crowley keeps his apartment orderly, though that's probably in big part because he doesn't really live there

I do appreciate that Crowley sleeps because he wants to, not because he needs to. Truly a relatable guy.

There's a big HOLY SHIT moment in the audiobook - the speech the American evangelist gives about the apocalypse. It's fucking incredible. The actor is amazing, delivering fire and brimstone and absolute hatred and certainty until Aziraphale pops inside of him.

Death really is Azrael, literally the angel of death

Aziraphale comes up with the solution at the end but ONLY because of Crowley, who challenged Aziraphale about the difference between the great plan and ineffable plan at the very beginning of the book

There are many moments where both Crowley and Aziraphale are thought to be a gay couple, but it really made me laugh that they are at the end of the world, telling each other it's been a pleasure to know each other all this time, and then Shadwell interrupts to call them "Nancy Boys"

Everyone in the Good Omens fandom is right, I do love that in the book, the wings of demons and angels are the same color

Crowley thinks the biggest battle will be heaven and hell vs humanity. This has got me thinking a lot. I figure this is because at some point humanity will rebel against any divine intervention, once we figure out that heaven and hell have been playing dice with us. But we'll see.

It does warm my heart that the story begins and ends with a garden and with the eating of the apple - Adam doesn't know why the old man hates people touching his apples so much, but the world would be a lot less interesting if he didn't. It's a fitting end for a fitting beginning.

[jccatstudios]

Hii I just wanted to let you know that when reading the book I imagined Van Eck exactlyyy as you've drawn him! No joke! His hair especially, the slightly wavy texture and light color and style! I also love his facial expressions, literally can't wait to see Pekka Rollins (that's something I never knew I'd say..)

P.S. huge, huge fan of your Six of Crows comic, every time you post new pages I reread all the previous chapters all over again. Absolutely love, love, love what you're doing!

aw thank you!!! The fun thing about drawing the villains is that there really isn't much visual reference to go off of, so I'm trying to capture what I imagined without any outside influences. People in the reblogs on the last pages mentioned that they've never seen people draw Van Eck before, and I haven't either! There are like only a few pieces of fanart from pinterest I've seen in my research. That's it. As for Geels, there was nothing. I think I officially hold the world record for Geels drawings.

Here's a quick Pekka for your kindness :)

He's very much based on what I first imagined while reading the book, but this design is also influenced by hearing his chapters in the audiobook and working from the sound of the actor's voice. Shame he only gets two chapters. I absolutely love listening to him read.

[bbystark]

yandere!librarian x bookworm!reader (gn)

tw, read at your own discretion

yan!librarian who initially doesn’t think much of you, timidly standing at his fellow librarian’s desk signing up for your very own library card. i mean you were definitely attractive, but he assumed he would never see you again, as most people turn to audiobooks or online copies. 

yan!librarian who slowly starts seeing you more and more, and finds his interest growing with each small interaction 

yan!librarian who notices you rarely remember to log out of the computers when you’re done, something that usually annoyed him when others did it, but this time he jumps at the chance to find out more about you

yan!librarian who finds that you actually don’t log out of anything, your school email still open on a tab. he finds it cute that you have so much trust in the world, how you were so dumb and naive to believe no one at the library would snoop through your things before the computer logged you out 

yan!librarian who vaguely worries for your safety, what if the wrong person found your information? but of course, you don’t have to worry about him, he just wants you to himself, no harm in that right? 

yan!librarian who reads through your assignments and falls more and more deeply in love with your intelligence, he even found an essay on the importance of public libraries in communities! “oh love, you don’t realize how perfect we are for each other”

yan!librarian who slowly starts giving you book recommendations with obsessive love interests (his way of throwing you hints). one day you come back to return a book and rave about how it was one of your favorites now and thanking him for the recommendation (in his delusion he takes that as you returning his love). 

yan!librarian who easily finds your address in the library records, and starts shipping you books anonymously. someone as beautiful as you should have your own library that you don’t ever have to leave! in fact, he may or may not already be building you you’re very own prison library in his basement <3

yan!librarian who waits for the perfect time to confess. good luck saying no, he has plan A-Z already planned for however you react! 

want more? ask and you shall receive!

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

Hey just wanted to boost:

Spotify now offers free audiobooks for those with Premium, and One night in Hartswood is included!

I read the physical book, and I have to get ready for the audio format! I wonder if I'll be able to keep a straight face during all those steamy scenes!

Yes!! They added Hartswood when it launched and I think it's included in the US now as well 💖

Anon lemme tell you I was there when they recorded and didn't realise that'd include the first sex scene (in Penn's POV) and can confirm: it's incredible and it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep a straight face, especially if you're sat there listening to him read it out in person 😅

(I have gotten a few reviews telling me they both have very sexy voices and. Look. I mean. They are entirely correct.)

[anonymous-dentist]

In my head, the Evil Dead au would go a little something like:

-

When Roier finally pulls himself out of the shower, the cabin is silent save for the faint scratching of the record player from the other room. The record itself must have run out while he was distracted, whoops. He hopes Cellbit isn't too annoyed at him.

So Roier is quick to dress, and he's up to his shirt when he realizes, oh no! It's Cellbit's shirt! Just a bit small on him, small enough to make Roier's muscles really pop out. Just the way Cellbit likes.

He winks at himself in the mirror before unlocking the bathroom door and opening it. He shivers at the sudden cold- Cellbit must've finally found the air conditioning panel. Fucking finally, it was hot in the bedroom earlier.

"Gatinhoooo!" Roier moans, throwing his head back dramatically. "Dónde estás?"

He walks into the cabin's main room, and-

"May the blood of the plenty fuel the forsaken souls of us few," the record abruptly says.

Roier jumps and swears, pressing his hand to his chest. He stares at the record- now silent again.

Slowly, he relaxes, shoulders slumping as he looks about the room.

"Cellbit?" he calls.

He frowns. It's a one-room cabin, what the fuck? Where did he go? Back to the car?

The record skips. "When the oceans ran red with blood, the world was full of what we now call the living dead."

Roier shivers. Ugh, creepy much? Maybe it's a good thing he missed out on the whole 'listen to the supposedly-cursed audiobook of the damned' thing. He loves his boyfriend, but this is a bit much.

Suddenly much less happy than he was a second ago, Roier huffs and turns the record player off.

"Cellbit," he says, "this isn't funny. Where are you?"

The room is still empty. There's no other room in the cabin- it's just this one big huge room and the crummy bathroom, and that's it. And with the car stuck in the mud down the road, there's nowhere Cellbit could be besides that creepy-ass basement or the toolshed out in the woods. And Roier does not want to go out there, not this late at night.

It's as he's sulking his way to their bed that he notices the curtains fluttering over one of the windows, the one closest to the record player and the chair Cellbit was sitting on when Roier had gone in to shower. But the windows were all boarded up when they arrived. For the weather.

Confusedly, Roier makes his way to the curtain. He pulls it back and sees... nothing. Just the woods outside.

And a big, splintered hole in the center of the window, bloody glass shards sticking out from behind the equally-bloody remains of the wooden boards.

Roier yelps and drops the curtain, skittering backwards and slipping on-

"And when the dead shall return, they will go for the wicked first, for they shall be the easiest to convert to their cause."

Roier's head snaps towards the record player as he tries to catch his balance. Its static is loud, almost as loud as the beating of his own heart. What the fuck?

Swallowing a growing lump in his throat, Roier looks down to see what he had slipped on, and he sees...

"Oh," he weakly say.

He crouches and picks up Cellbit's glasses. He holds them in both hands, biting his lip nervously as he takes in the cracks in the glass and the... and the blood across one of the lenses.

"The second to go shall be the mortal, for they shall be the easiest to kill. The dead's ranks will swell like the rising tide, and it shall be glorious."

And then he hears it from outside, a quiet whisper. A whimper, even, pained and pitiful and all too unpleasantly familiar.

"Guapito?"

Roier's eyes snap to the window. The curtain has been blown aside by the wind, and there he is. Cellbit. Right in the window with his hair plastered to his head pathetically like a cat stuck in the rain.

But it isn't raining.

But this is Cellbit.

So Roier carefully approaches, clearly hesitant, and that's fine, okay?

"I think I want to go home," Roier says.

Cellbit pouts. "What? Why? We just got here!"

Oh, why does he have to be so cute?

This is. Weird. Bad. Weird.

The record skips. And then it says, "The end of days will not come in a storm. It will come as gently as a lover through the window..."

Cellbit glares at the record player. "Shut up!"

The record stops.

With a cheesy grin, Cellbit slumps against the window, his arm propped up on the sharpened edges without a care. He leans his cheek against his arm, pleasantly ignoring the fresh blood dripping down his arm.

Roier, frankly, stares. His grip on Cellbit's glasses tightens, and he backs up a step.

"Ignore them." Cellbit rolls his eyes. "Come here, guapito, they don't know what they're talking about."

"I don't knooow, it sounded pretty sure..." Roier awkwardly says. He laughs, unsure, and he stops completely when Cellbit laughs with him in a voice that probably isn't his. Probably?

He glances at the record player, and then back to Cellbit, and then back to the room when he hears a sudden crashing noise from the bathroom.

"Will you marry me?" Cellbit asks.

"What?" Roier faces him incredulously. "Now?"

Cellbit shrugs. "Why not?"

"I mean, yeah, but-"

"Yes?"

Cellbit's eyes light up... literally. Bright blue, and in a way that's probably beautiful to, like, a moth, but not a Roier because what the fuck what the fuck what the fu-

Roier can't help the little scream that escapes him as Cellbit pulls himself up and drags himself through the window, bringing him into the light for the first time since- since he-

"What's wrong?" Cellbit asks, head cocked at a dangerous angle. It's hanging off of his head, barely hanging on by a literal thread. His legs are mangled- his jeans shredded and his skin red and slick and wet and his bones and his-

Roier covers his mouth with a hand to keep himself from vomiting. Because one of Cellbit's arms is turned backwards, and that arm has a hand turned the right way around, and that hand is holding a little white ring, and that ring is the same color as the bone sticking out of Cellbit's knee awkwardly.

He skitters backwards, tripping over the rug and falling right onto his ass. Fuck.

"Guapito?" Cellbit frowns. "What's wrong?"

Only he doesn't speak it. His mouth doesn't move.

The record player skips and repeats the question, this time in a much less concerned tone of voice.

"Ooooh," Cellbit gasps, this time with his mouth. He raises both hands and sets his head on straight, wiggling it slightly for grip.

Seemingly happy with himself, he grins- sharp teeth stained black with his own blood. "That better?"

"What the fuck, Cellbit?" Roier chokes out. He likes to think of himself as a badass, but this?

Cellbit shambles closer, and then he crouches next to Roier and takes his hand gently in both of his.

"I promise it won't hurt," he promises, and Roier only has half a second to wonder what the fuck that's supposed to mean before Cellbit laughs with a dozen voices in one and he grabs Roier by the throat and he squeezes.

Roier drops Cellbit's glasses to the floor in his panic, his hands scrambling to try and push his dead boyfriend away but he can't see and he can't breathe and there are lips on his and there are teeth and they're biting and-

"No!" he screeches, and he manages to grab Cellbit's head by the hair and he fucking rips it off.

Cellbit's body goes limp, collapsing over Roier oozing blood onto his- Cellbit's shirt.

Roier looks up at Cellbit's head, out of breath and wide-eyed and crying sobbing panicking confused-

Cellbit frowns. "What the fuck, man?"

Roier screams and throws his boyfriend's head across the cabin. He cringes as he hears Cellbit swear in Portuguese. He watches Cellbit's body push itself up off of him and crawl its way blindly to its head.

He stands, and he slams the cabin door open, and he fucking runs.

[german-enthusiast]

You are learning German and are at least mildly interested in history?

Let me put you on something:

Ernst H. Gombrichs: Eine kurze Weltgeschichte für junge Leser

The author wrote considering that if you really try, you can explain absolutely everything to a child and specifically does not want his book to be seen as something you have to study (memorize dates and names etc) but as something you should enjoy. At the same time, he hugely respects children ans understands how much they can learn and does not talk down to them but instead uses cool metaphors to explain grand concepts to even the smallest children.

Bad news: I cannot find a free copy/pdf anywhere online, I am sorry (please anyone let me know if you do!)

Good news: There is a professional recording on Spotify!!

Part one: Von den Anfängen bis zum Mittelalter

https://open.spotify.com/album/51QjgeOikJ5jvbuwoqB64U?si=N5rfxmWUR_el0aFkHAMf_g

Part two: Von der Renaissance bis heute

https://open.spotify.com/album/5xe9blTtuxY8TOpNOfnS4t?si=MQVanUmRT52QjUlGOI7q0w

EVEN BETTER NEWS: It is read by Christoph Waltz.

You don't know who that is? Maybe you do, actually. It's one of the austrian-german actors known in the US. For example, he plays the Nazi Hans Landa in Inglorious Basterds, and he's Bond's antagonist in Spectre.

Anywho, Christoph Waltz is a man to behold and his reading of the Kurze Weltgeschichte für junge Leser is absolutely marvelous.

I've loved the audiobook since I was little,

when I got together with my partner I showed it to him and he loved it too,

and we still listen to it to fall asleep in the evening.

I know listening to a book in German as a beginner or even intermediate might be scary but I implore you to try. No one says you can't start over again and again, no one says you have to understand everything. You can simply listen to Waltz's calming voice and be proud everytime you understand a word.

Listening to the book has always been such a magical experience for me and I hope it might be one for you as well.

[theflyindutchwoman]

You are riding with the world’s best gift-giver. So let’s start brainstorming.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 2.04 - Guardians and Warriors

No matter how much Tim might try to deny it, Lucy's opinion already matters a lot to him. The fact that he only reconsiders his position about buying a gift once he sees her incredulous look is quite telling in itself. Add the way he actually listens to what she says and spends the whole shift talking about it with her - in the shop and at the station - and it takes this scene to a whole new level.

But besides that, I find really interesting how everything he suggests circles back to things he likes (baseball) or things he used to do with Isabel (shooting range). I thought it was a wonderful way to give us some insights into his headspace after his divorce. This is about him clinging to what's familiar. He's falling back on what he used to do when he was married. It takes time to move on from a 10+ years relationship, even more with the way it ended for him. That makes Lucy the perfect person to help him along the way. She was there at the end of his marriage and she knows him. But most of all : she challenges him. To do better and to want better for himself. To move forward. There's a reason why she was trying to set him up on a date, before it transformed into a bet between them. This is part of it. I love how it comes from a genuine place. And Tim sees this. It honestly feels like he's paying more attention to Lucy's reaction and getting her seal of approval than he's actually trying to find the perfect gift for his girlfriend. He may not have known Rachel that long (two weeks) but he's also not asking questions about her taste either. Lucy is the one bringing it up. Still, his gift in the end was absolutely thoughtful.

Another thing : they're so much more at ease around each other, more familiar with one another. Their dynamic has seriously shifted since Lucy recorded the audiobooks (or saw him shirtless), it's developing into something more. Even the influencers they're arresting notice it. To the point where they make their suggestions to the both of them, not just Tim. But best of all : he was seriously considering their ideas for a second. By the way : what is personal space again?

It's not lost on me that Tim's ideas - baseball and shooting range - will later give us two amazing Chenford moments. Or that he won't need help to find Lucy a perfect gift : he's already paying attention to her and what she's wearing off-duty. If you like this girl, you should listen to her. That's exactly what he's been doing all along...

[jesuisici33]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @daffi-990 @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @bonheur-cafe @fortheloveofbuddie @spotsandsocks @actual-sleeping-beauty @wildlife4life some more of my romance audiobook narrator au. and could i have come up with more clever names for the in universe book they're recording? probably. but i also think i'm funny

Nowadays the only time Bobby asks Buck to come to his office is either when Buck has done something bad or if Bobby is going to have Buck narrate the next big romance book that’s going to hit bookstores. Buck hasn’t done anything for him to get reprimanded (that he knows of) so there’s an extra pep in his step as he thinks about which author is set to come out with a new book soon. 

His thoughts are put to a hold as he opens the door and sees Eddie Diaz sitting casually across from Bobby. It’s only a few weeks since he joined the 118 and Buck still can’t stand him. Can’t stand how easily everyone warmed up to him and treated him as if he’s always belonged here. Even his sister, Maddie became excited when he ranted about him. Telling Buck how Eddie is her favorite romance audiobook narrator. When Buck asked what about him, Maddie raised her eyebrow and replied, “Why would I listen to you, Evan?” 

“What’s going on?” Buck asks Bobby. A Bobby who looks a bit too delighted by whatever news he’s about to give him. “I thought this meeting was just between you and me.”

“I said I wanted to meet you this morning. Nothing about a meeting with just you,” Bobby corrects. “But now that you’re here, we can get this started.” He gestures for Buck to sit down next to Eddie. Eddie, the bastard, is polite and gives him a smile as Buck sits down. “I got good news. The best news. There’s this book that’s trending everywhere – Instagram, Booktok, Twitter, Goodreads, the whole works –”

Both Eddie and Buck snort at that. When is there not a romance book trending on those platforms?

Bobby ignores them and continues on. “ – and the book isn’t even out yet. All very positive reviews from early ARC readers. And dozens of preorders. And the best news is that you two are offered to narrate the audiobook.” Bobby pulls out two copies – one for Buck and one for Eddie – from a drawer in his desk. It’s a book called Up in Flames with two male firefighters smiling into a kiss. Buck opens the book and glances at a random page in it. Something involving one of the characters getting shot, told from the point of view of the character Oliver. The writing is good. 

“So what, do they want a duet narration?” Eddie asks. Buck notices he hasn’t touched the book Bobby gave him. It still sits on the desk where Bobby laid it near him. 

Bobby grins. “Yes! Two of the best romance narrators doing a duet narration for the next hottest romance book coming out this year is exactly what they were thinking about doing! So, what do you guys think?”

Eddie shrugs, looking over at Buck. “I mean, could be fun. I’m game if you are?”

Buck narrows his eyes. He doesn’t know why, but this cavalier attitude Eddie has over this whole thing, makes Buck hate the guy even more. He looks over at Bobby. Bobby still has a grin on his face, although this time it’s a bit strained. It’s not a secret he doesn’t really like Eddie. And he can tell Bobby is probably counting on him to make nice with the guy. So plastering on a wide grin. “Count me in. Although I want to voice Oliver,” he says, showing Bobby the page he was reading from. 

With everything settled, Bobby lets them know he’ll get the contracts set up for their salary and he’ll let them know when they’ll start recording.

tagging @hippolotamus @malewifediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @monsterrae1 @911-on-abc @thewolvesof1998 @liminalmemories21 @pirrusstuff @loserdiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @lover-of-mine @apothecarose @mammameesh @your-catfish-friend @rmd-writes @rosedavid @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @steadfastsaturnsrings

[makeitastrength]

What are your top 5 Chenford scenes ever?

This might be the meanest question you've ever asked, because how am I supposed to take 100+ episodes and narrow it down to FIVE INDIVIDUAL SCENES??? It can't be done, so I'm including some honorable mentions here too.

Favorites

2x02

Lucy recording an audiobook for Tim is forever one of my favorites. It's so clear from this moment that he's always been worth the effort to her. The amount of thought and time and compassion that went into calling Isabel, recording an audiobook, and then giving it to him along with an explanation to help him see his learning style as a strength is just amazing! And you can see how stunned Tim is that Lucy would go to such lengths for him. It's pretty clear no one else has really ever done something like that for him before.

2x12

This is another scene that's just forever one of my favorites because we see the lengths that Tim will go to for Lucy as well. I mean, we saw that in 2x11 as we watched him search for her. But he says it himself: he's a show-you kind of guy. He says far more with actions than words. So in this scene, to see him open up to her and share such a vulnerable piece of his own trauma in the hopes that it will help her? The Tim Bradford of season 1 would never. And it's also the first time in the entire episode that we really see Lucy being vulnerable as well, showing that already, Tim is becoming one of her safe spaces.

4x09

Tim and Lucy have the best hugs, and I could just sit here staring at gifs of them all day (and let's be honest, I have). But the combination of Tim's vulnerability and the way he just sinks into Lucy and lets her hold him together makes this one of the best chenford hugs and one of my favorite scenes.

6x04

Once again, we have a chenford hug just absolutely wrecking me. But it's not just that. It's the way Tim is on a mission to get to Lucy. It's his soft voice and tender touches. It's the way she's just barely holding it together. The way her voice breaks as she asks what if she killed that guy. And then, of course, the way she just melts into his arms as he cradles her so gently.

6x09

I didn't think any hug would ever top 4x09, but I think this one just might. It says so much with so few words (though I'm glad there were words because it was important for Lucy to lay down that boundary first). From the worry in her eyes and her voice, to the way they cling to each other, to the way Tim just melts into her and closes his eyes and says "I am now," to the way Lucy tightens her grip and closes her eyes right after. No matter what happens, these two love each other so much and will forever be each other's safe space, and this hug depicts that so well.

Honorable Mentions

2x11

Because obviously this one will always make the list.

4x22

This scene really just has it all: humor, awkwardness, Lucy breaking Tim's brain, their first kiss (obviously), more hilarious awkwardness, and then Tim's broken brain again as he stands in the hallway in the aftermath. Every time I watch it, I go from laughing to flailing to laughing again. Tim's "I don't have anything" is one of my favorite lines ever. The poor guy is just so completely flustered. If it weren't for all of their amazing hugs, this one would be in my top 5.

5x01

I'm honestly not sure there's a gifset I've spent more time staring at than the ones of the airplane bathroom kiss. It's so fucking hot. Need I say more?

6x06

Honestly, I have to include the breakup on this list. For as much as I didn't want it to happen, and for as much as it hurt (and still hurts), it was just so incredibly well done. You have the emotional punch right from the beginning of Lucy pulling Tim into a hug, thinking she finally has him back by her side, while Tim already knows he's about to say goodbye (😭). You have the entire breakup itself, which is so completely in character and acted in just the most heartbreaking way possible. Lucy's pleading just shatters me. And even as they're breaking up, they're clinging to each other. Even now, just seeing a gif of this scene leaves me absolutely gutted every single time.

6x08

I don't know if it's because it's the most recent season so the scenes are more at the front of my mind or what, but season 6 is clearly well represented on this list. As angsty as it was, I really did enjoy it overall. And other than the breakup, I think this was the one other scene that had me actually in tears. Tim really did find the perfect way to acknowledge Lucy's birthday while respecting her boundaries, and seeing these two finally allow themselves to be sad just breaks my heart so much. It was so well acted. Plus, you know, Kojo!

[sunchaserwings]

Incoming rant about The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney, and the BBC Sherlock (no major spoilers ahead I promise).

A preface before I begin; I was never a big fan of Sherlock Holmes or any adaptation of the stories. I've seen Elementary although I was very young so I only have the vaguest of memories of enjoying it, and my roommate had me watch a couple BBC Sherlock episodes when I was a tween/young teen. My mother claims she tried to get me into Sherlock Holmes but I'm rather skeptical. Anyhow, onto the story.

Back in March my boyfriend bought me the Ace Attorney games for my birthday which included the Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (or Dai Gyakuten Saiban for those who are still stuck on the pre-localization names ;p). I was on my flight home from my birthday trip after I got the news my manager fired my brother while I was out of the state and figured why not, I'd start playing the first TGAA game on the flight. I'd probably enjoy myself and I couldn't sleep.

Second biggest mistake of the year (first biggest was trusting Les Schwab to do my brake job). I. Was. Hooked. I played the first case and fell in love with Kazuma instantly (he's so Zero shaped!). I played the second case and realized that calling him Zero shaped was way too accurate. We all know what happened there. Most important to this rant, I met Herlock Sholmes (more on my opinions on him later). I could barely put the game down but I had to take a break due to finding a new job and getting adjusted. I ended up finishing the game in June or July, one of the two. I finished the final case of the first game in one long 12 hour gaming session it was that good (my back didn't thank me though).

Now, the man of the hour: Herlock Sholmes. I didn't think much of him initially. He was simultaneously charming and annoying in the second case but as I played more he grew on me. I cried when the start of 1-5 happened. He clawed his way up into like the top 7 favorite characters at the time. The ending of the game with him playing his violin made me bawl my eyes out. I. Loved. This. Game.

It took a few more months to start and finish the second game. In between Adventures and Resolve I played Skyward Sword, Minish Cap, and some others so I had a healthy break. I came back to play Resolve and finished it like two months ago. It hit me in the gut just as hard as the first game did although there are a great many things I'd tweak and do differently. But Herlock Sholmes... man, he's not my favorite but he's up there underneath Kazuma and Van Zieks.

Anyhow, I finished the game but the hyperfixation had started and would not let me go. I've never been one to go out and seek fanfiction due to... personal stuff but I had a feeling I didn't want to go probe the depths of AO3 yet for fear of crying. I started a graveyard shift at my job which severely limited my ability to talk with people about stuff and also there's so many major spoilers but very few people I knew had played the game. A thought occurred to me, however. What about Sherlock Holmes audiobooks? I have an auditory processing issue which has made listening to audiobooks hard but I decided to give it a go. Perhaps it would satiate the TGAA hyperfixation hunger.

I found the ones produced by Magpie Audio, expertly narrated by Greg Wagland. Go check him out, he has over 77 videos of Sherlock Holmes audiobook recordings and all of them are a minimum of 40 minutes, often times far more. I went through over 30 hours of audiobook in a few weeks listening to these. Sherlock Holmes is such a good character and I can understand how and why he took late Victorian England by storm. And you know what the best part is?

Herlock Sholmes is the most faithful adaptation I have personally seen as a character of the original Sherlock Holmes.

They got so many of Sherlock's little idiosyncrasies right and you can tell the entire team were genuine fans of the books. I listened to Mr. Wagland's narration *and I saw 221B Baker of the games*. Especially the jack knife impaling the communications to the mantle being referenced in the game? The sheer mess of the flat? It's so good!

My roommate (whom is also a Sherlock Holmes fan) noticed my newest hyper fixation that spawned off of TGAA and that reignited his Sherlock Holmes obsession. He was a fan of the BBC Sherlock and now recognizes it was not a very great show but it's a comfort media for him nonetheless. He just dragged me into rewatching it and... okay, it's playing into a lot of inaccurate Sherlock tropes I don't like but goddamn Martin Freeman carries the whole show. I love his John Watson because it feels like a reasonable version of a modern, younger Watson. He feels real in a way. I do like the fact that even in the first episode, it's established that John and Sherlock can make each other laugh and smile just like in the books. I don't forgive them calling Sherlock a sociopath, however (speaking as someone with a brother that has been diagnosed with being a high-fuctioning sociopath). He's AuDHD to the max and deserves recognition in that department.

All of this to say, I can trace my current Sherlock hyperfixation back to Mega Man. Finding Mega Man in 4th grade led to watching the Ace Attorney anime in late 2021 which led to playing The Great Ace Attorney and that led to listening to Sherlock Holmes. I don't know why I decided to make this post but maybe I might start live blogging this shit? All in all, this is going to be a wild ride.