#i wanna play it already lets go!!!!
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You guys don’t know how much yearning for Baghdad takes up of my mental real estate
#I have so many videos saved of last year’s trip#Me and my cousin laughing and joking w my dad while getting ready#The fact that multiple men asked my dad for my hand in marriage (lmao)#Me calling my mom every night to make fun of my “suitors”#All the gorgeous restaurants#Forcing my dad to rate every dress I tried on whenever he took me somewhere#Being catcalled by guys was an unpleasant experience but it was still fun to laugh ab it w my mom#Me having a MASSIVE crush on a family friend#That one time my dad said all the dresses I brought were too short so he bought me a dress that#Went down to literally my ankles#But the family friend was gonna be there so I showed it to my mom and she was like#“You’d wear that??? The queen of mini skirts????” And then she IMMEDIATELY clocked me and was like#Ur behaving strangely. U must have a crush. Who is it.#The hot fuckin summer nights that I spent sitting outside w my cousin on the big swing in the garden#The capital when it was drenched in sunset#When my aunt’s husband took me to the University of Baghdad and I got to literally play act being a student there#Which was a profound experience bc it’s the university my mom went to#Sneaking into the library even though u needed a student pass for that (:#Shadowing my uncle in his laboratory#My first ever nishan !!!#No weddings sadly but I got to see the buildup to the wedding so#And I think getting to call the shots and fly solo from the states to Amman and then to Baghdad was sick as hell#My mom never let me fly abroad by myself before and now im probably gonna be going solo all the time#Help I need to go back#Bro I wish I could drop everything#But before I go to Baghdad I’ll probably have to go to Belgium first for my uncle#SO many stops before I get to where I rly wanna be#I never explicitly told my dad im not religious but I think he already knows im full of sin. Memories..#Omg and my bibi’s delicious food
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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going through pics from stage door bc I’m going again in a week or so and just realized i never posted the pictures from when I saw the outsiders musical!!
feat. when emma pittman said happy birthday to me!! (and the teenager (not pictured) behind me who I let come stand up by the fence with us because it was her birthday too) (melody rose also said happy birthday to me but I did not get it on camera)
#RARE but not the first FACE POST LMAO#I meant to post these literally that day LMAO it was the september first performance#going with a different friend sometime next week!! will not be saying publicly which day tho#we’re not stage door-ing when I go next time bc I’m happy already & got that friend’s book signed for her#it won’t let me post the video of giving Dan Berry the bracelet I made for whoever played Darry (it was him that day)#but to be fair. my hand was shaking so much you can’t see his face anyway lmao#and she’s not comfy with the idea of it#my post#not tagging as the musical bc I don’t really wanna crowd the tag but!!
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A little memento of the past meetup. I'd always wanted to try this position, and was excited to finally have the chance!
Unfortunately I am Very Short which meant I had to stand on my tiptoes the whole time! Not very helpful when you want to wiggle out of reach/resist any of the attacks. It also made me very easy to handle.
There isn't a picture of me in this setup with the other outfit but it did happen and it was really fun
#session highlights#arms up standing had been a long time fantasy of mine and oh boy did it live up to it#I have so much more to say about this time#including the good time between meeting old friends either for the first time or after a while#I just don't have the words to describe just how special it was#I wanna go back immediately#preferably when I'm not on the brink of a migraine all the time#anyway let's bring it back to kinky this was um. It was fantastic#playing with someone who already knows how to get you is top tier
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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#Ruining the semi normal sleep schedule I'd managed 2 keep going for like a week cus of paranoia 😎#This is ofcthe one time I'm like Actually fucking sleepy#I shocked myself earlier n am in a spiral about the whole “even a semi small shock can fuck up ur heart hours or days later” thing#Which idk if thats unreasonable paranoia or like normal n smart#The internet is 50/50 on it lol#Mom says im being paranoid. Called a like phone nurse about it who said it'd be smart 2 get it checked just 2 be safe#But it's late and doesn't feel serious enough for the er?#Also the er is hell. U just sit there for Hours waiting n then get looked at for 5 minutes told n2 wait even more n then told 2 just go hom#So I am just kinda... existing.. until stuff opens n I can hopefully see a doctor about it or something:)#And cus I was already feeling kinda sick Before the shock I can't be sure if I actually have any symptoms of something worrying#AAAAND my anxiety about the whole thing is making me over analyze every heartbeat or muscle twitch#N tricking my brain into believing shit that's not real#I wanna nap so bad but my brain won't let meee#Ok ramble is done... I just needed 2 get this out of my system somewhere...#Can u believe I use 2 think I didn't have anxiety?? I was all Oh yeah I'm Super chill 😎 while sirens played in my head 24/7#rambles
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hana and charlie you will always be famous
#ocs#wired#I MISS THEM I WANNA PLAY#BUT I HAVE LIKE 8 CANVASES OPEN#i think once i finish the current comic i'll take a break from a+c to play w them#anyway#fuck that one teacher for flunking my hacker lesbian story#lets revamp them#i already decided a couple things abt them so its just story from there#the rest will come as i go
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i am aware that being a pro athlete would be my nightmare job and also i cannot really play tennis and also i am a little old to be starting out but the desire to be the first tboy in the atp is so so strong
#the t in atp stands for trans#but like come on. doesn’t anyone want to see me a 5’1 gayboy hit the courts against like 6’6 danya or whoever.#could you imagine? it would be so funny. atp let me in#we dont even have any confirmed gay players in here since like the 1930s but ill go a step beyond that#just to really rock the worlds of the incredibly conservative fanbase#through gritted teeth i am going to university to become an ENVIRONMENTALIST i cannot be PLAYING TENNIS#but like. i wanna#i would also settle for being the first tboy in the nhl. if anyone wants to hire me for that instead#i also cant play hockey but i have much more experience with that and also cant be doing any worse than the leafs already are doing#tennis
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#still wild to me that i am in a relationship#itll be 3 months next week and i am obsessed with him than ever#i never couldve imagined itd actually be like this but it is literally everything i ever wanted#hes sooooo kind#and sweet and i could gush about him all day long#i mentioned in front of two of his friends how im planning to buy a ps5 in the next couple months bc i only have Nintendo consoles#and i wanna play other games#and his two friends where like well why arent you getting a gaming pc?????#important note here: they all are gaming nerds and they are all like IT guys incl my boyfriend#and i explained that its just the easiest way and that im not really a pc gamer#(but important note here is that my bf has hi gaming pc set up on his tv and plays with a controller exclusively and i do vibe with that)#and then all 3 basically were like we will literally build you a gaming pc ourselves so you dont buy a ps5!!!!#that was 2 days ago.#yesterday my boyfriend showed me his research into possible gaming pc set ups for me that would be within a certain budget#while still being definitely more than good enough#and he explained some things to me and asked my opinions#and now im sat here like ok 🥺#i think ill let my boyfriend build me a gaming pc#mind you i wasnt planing on getting a ps5 before fall the earliest bc im planning on moving soon and money and all that#but hes already planning and gathering ideas#while still understanding why i initially wanted a ps5 (less money and i have no idea about gaming pc set ups) and leaving it fully up to me#i am also now at exactly 100 hours into elden ring with him as my backseater#which means end game shit#i am currently switching between trying to win against Malenia Mogh lord of blood and radagon#its........ going#i maxed out my number of flasks and charges?? is that what its called#and i got my +10 staved and sword/catana#its still super fun but hoh boy#the rush of adrenaline when i finally beat godfrey and my boyfriend was so hapoy for me too it was honestly super fucking adorable#personal
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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tumblr’s feeling pretty dead for me (in terms of engagement) anymore so i don’t feel so shy about sharing this dumb Bloodborne art i did back in november im never gonna actually finish lmao
it’s for a fic i haven’t finished (or even posted) yet... there is a trend here 🙈
anyway Micolash is the slug man, change my mind
#art#artists on tumblr#fanart#bloodborne#bloodborne fanart#bloodborne oc#myart#despite the fic not centering on the augur of ebrietas in this picture... it really ought to be lmao#was very inspired by a fic i read where a choir member fed their augur some crumbs or smth from a table and i was like !!!!!!#LET THE FUNKY LITTLE GUYS BE THEIR OWN ENTITIES#also slugs are cute anyway so this is perfect#anyway i stg my one friend almost disowned me when i admitted i have read manymanymany fics with Micolash in it and like#i dont simp for him i just think ppl have some interesting ideas/headcanons for him thats all#he’s the resident weirdo and honestly im more 👀 for Valtr anyway if im being honest LMAO so this is fine#I wanna go full brainrot for Bloodborne again so the fic can like exist lmao but... im so close to finishing Sekiro#and finishing Sekiro means I can FINALLY play Elden Ring lmao so like... i have to be STRONG 😤#fics will wait even if I’d posted part of it already ya know?#anyway maybe tumblr will just turn into my wip/sketch blog#the lack of notes on anything when I *do* post just kinda draw further attention to some doubts ive been having lately#namely like... my value? like people only value fanart and it took me so long to get *out* of that mindset#but now im like staring into the void again like ‘damn maybe i should give up the oc shit and go back to fanart only’ 😔#so maybe i need to sit down and reassess my relationship with art again... i feel kinda stagnated atm anyway#but in my defense i have been busy so i haven’t drawn as much as I’ve wanted to#but blehhh NOT ME TACKING THIS STUFF ONTO A FUN POST#i should try to do this dumb idea i had based on the fact I had like 50+ pearl slugs in my inventory when i beat Bloodborne last time#tfw ur pockets are just filled to the brim with slugs
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I just found my old family cam recorder and i've spent the last 2 hours going through all the videos that were taken from the day i was born till i was like 8 years old 😭 i found a few video that were literally so heartwarming like i fr missed how life used to be bacc in the early 2000s yk and this made me think how about if you/anyone and bakugo came across your old camera from like highschool or elementary school when you guys are now in your mid ages or something like i think that'll be so cute imo 🫂
Omg this made me smile so much🥺
Also just finding old purikura or photobooth reels from when you used to go on arcade dates together, and he definitely did not want you to give him pink whiskers and cat ears (but didn’t complain when you did), and he demands he gets to keep that set so he has to pay for you to do another one.
But also picturing an older Bakugou sitting down and watching home videos of his family, from the day you got married to your honeymoon and all those memories together.
And when he fishes out that old photo reel from your first date he’s smiling down at it when he tells you to get ready because he’s taking you out. And he takes you to the very same arcade that you went to on your first date, and of course it’s changed a lot.
But that same purikura photobooth is sitting there at the back of the arcade as he pulls you inside it, determined to make new memories together🥺
#I wanna write an entire arcade date // purikura thing#but Celeste actually did one of my fave fave Bakugou drabbles like that already#let me just go read hers instead you know it’s been a while#BUT like purikura with Bakugou??#maybe it’s one of your first dates together#and he brought you here cause he thought you could play games and he wouldn’t have to do much talking#like he’s happily playing the crane games coin games and taiko#trying to show off by winning you a plush thet he’s noticed you eyeing up#but then you convince him do to purikura with you#even though he thinks it’s stupid and girly he’s still feeding his yen into the machine for you#his first picture is SO deadpan too like he doesn’t smile at all#but he’s not even looking at himself in the pictures he’s just looking at how adorable you are
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st⭐️rboy
#NOW... ik hes going to madrid but this is an old art tbf#hes gonna cook there I can feel it in my balls#yall don't wanna know how broken I was watching the fucking mainz game#and for him not to play for the last time in front of the yellow wall??? so sick & twisted#not even 6 months in as a dortmund fan & I wanna resign already#my_art#football fanart#v draws footy#footyblr let me in#jude bellingham#bellingham#jb22#bvb#borussia dortmund#dortmund
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Wistfully thinks of Spellwind, I should make a headcanons up to ep 31 list its just my equivalent of like Skyrim or lotr where theres so much going on and so dense but god damn one of my favorite episodes was when two of my favorite characters became trees and the entire experience was like...they were tripping on shrooms but also one with the shrooms? Its like episode 8
and I love the dms orc captain that hates going on land and is there for the in between transportation from sea to sea land to land ferryman (not really I feel like its mostly hard to narrate and have a character at the same time) I just love captain buttocks' (yeah I'm pretty sure thats his name) humor and how him and djett ('jet') were closer in the beginning
I love ty and varsha together but I also ship smith with them as time went on, I can't tell who I want to joke as the third smith and varsha are friends to lovers, ty and varsha are irritated assholes to lovers, smith is just a jaded old fuck that loves his morons (he respects varsha a lot and thinks ty is an entertaining idiot)
Varsha and Djett are siblings they love each other like family and share different spells and potions and knowledge of interest notes
I feel like the only person really thinking too deeply about this tabletop story and wanted to drop a few lines of appreciation, I like listening to it to go to sleep since its so slow paced and gently spoken and the music and sound efx is so sweet
#spellwind#ttrpg#table story#homebrews are my favorite of genre of story telling right now#its what got me into midnight burger#Spotify knew what kinda creative storytelling I liked and said#pbbt here you go guy you need to listen to more audiodramas without the dice in the mix#the way podcasts can tell stories is so cool#dice rolling#describing everything thats going on in a natural dialogue so that it paints a picture for the person listening as if theyre part of it#like youre in the environment with them it was a really smart way to carve a story and narrative#wolf 359#wolf 395#idk off the top of my head I'm trying out a few episodes but I like how its a blend of that similar storytelling method but like also??#log entries and some conversation between characters which is mostly how midnight burger does it#aaaa I just love audiodramas#and tabletop actual plays#I want so badly to do ttrpgs but this is my live vicarious through the media I consume era until I can find ppl that wanna let me take try#and be a DM#I could totally make engaging stories like the things I listen to#its like execution of the stories that go on inside my head the tones the themes I wanna touch on the emotions I want to convey#at the same time theres a small part of me thats like mehh but they did it already but I can still share that vibe for people that either#have or haven't chewed up the same things I love over and over and over like a maniac#plus I still have my own take and taste and ideas its just a time and place thing#I have a trillion ideas written out I just have to sort them out and do some stitchwork on the canvas that is the blank page#embroidery on those sweet words and patchwork a story ive been brewing in mind#this is slightly a personal ramble about story making#and also a segway into a sideblog thats not 100% midnight burger#I wonder how this blog will evolve over time
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would y’all be mad if i played the globetrotter challenge before finishing the bachelor challenge
#i played the bc a bit today but im just not feeling it#and i keep getting one billion animation errors and its really annoying#its not generating any exceptions but they cant eat food or throw away trash#and im just so excited for the globetrotter challenge#but i feel like with the bc people are expecting it#but that just makes me feel pressured and makes me wanna play even less ugh#but i also dont wanna disappoint or upset anyone#but also i already let it go on hiatus for so long#i know i should be doing what i wanna do and what i know im gonna enjoy#i wish i hadnt updated the game honestly#my game was working so well now its not 😭#im terrified of opening my legacy save if theres issues with it im gonna cry#so i also wanna start a fresh new save for a big#bit*#idk sorry for the rambling#i just dk what to do lol
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