#i wanna kms so bad this took DAYS

[ryoko-san]

(Brachium/Vega angst)

Here’s my silly part for the skyside hot boi honeymoon collab!

I am actually a day late siciiejckdkckrk anyways, i decided to do brachium / vega…. Hahaha im not sorry.

[moonystoes]

Who? - Elisa De Almeida x singer!reader

summary: when the public thinks y/n is dating a football player... a male player. Inspired by this

A/n: this shit made me wanna kms. i really thought social media au would be easier since it's not writing. but holy shit editing this was ass. also the fact that it took me around 10 hours yesterday only?? and 138 pictures. but lowkey... making fake beef and conversations was kinda fun lol.

warning: nothing, but this is the first time i made a social media au so it may be bad...and the quality of these screenshots are shit. also...I worked really hard editing the time of those screenshots (except the second one... i forgot) they will help you understand the timeline. I recommend reading this in white mode so the tweets can look smoother.

face claim :@itsouidad on instagram

y/nl/n

liked by ayanakamura_officiel, brahim, jackie_groenen_14, and 39,968 others

y/nl/n smiles and preparations, 2 days until I meet you guys 🫶(also happy new years lollll 😭😭)

احبكم كثيرررر 🩷🇶🇦

view all 7,983 comments

user1 IS THAT SOUQ WAQIF???? GUYS KILL ME SHE WAS RIGHT AROUND ME AND MY BLIND ASS DIDNT SEEEE 😭😭😭💔💔

user2 wait they allow women to not wear the scarf there?

↳ user3 @User2 girl what?? yes tf, get out of the propaganda ffs

ayanakamura_officiel ohh la laaa

↳ y/nl/n @Ayanakamura_officiel 💍 yes or no?

↳ user3 @y/nl/n lmfaoooo y/n keeps forgetting shes famous now

y/nbiggestfan awhhh how is it babee?

↳ y/nl/n @y/nbiggestfan everyone is so sweet and generous 🤧��🥹, i can't wait to meet yall

y/nupdates have fun sweetie!! enjoy it

↳ y/nl/n @y/nupdates thank you Emi 🫶

jackie_groenen_14

liked by elisadealmeida5, psg_feminines, and 13,622 others

tagged: elisadealmeida5, sakinakarchaoui, grace_geyoro, psg_feminines, qatarairways

jackie_groenen_14 always learning with the girls, it was nice to have some special days with my 2nd fam ❤️💙

view all 58 comments

y/nl/n what were you thinking in the 5th slide lolll

↳ jackie_groenen_14 @y/nl/n i thought you said it was cute :(((

↳username1 @jackie_groenen_14 im so confused how do they know each other

elisadealmeida5

liked by y/nl/n, jackie_groenen_14, grace_geyoro, and 74,567 others

elisadealmeida5 Great time together in doha 🇶🇦

Thanks for the amazing experience ✨️

@psg_feminines

@Visitqatar

@qatarcreates

@Qatarairways

#parissaintgermain #psg #paris

View all 321 comments

_clarehunt 🥰🥰

jackie_groenen_14 baby ❤️

user54 تهبلللل اخخخخ

user42 lindaaaa😩

user11 who was she giggling with on the 5th pic ugh 😩😩

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 36,641 others

y/nl/n thank you so much Qatar for this experience, too many pretty places my phone storage is gonna explode ☹️

Thank you @dohamusicfestival for this unforgettable moment, and to everyone involved (that old lady that was making Nutella bread in souq waqif, I will never forget you 👆)

View all 2521 comments

user5 you're always welcome back!💞💞

user3 maybe that girl on Twitter wasn't so blind... I swear it's the same place

↳ user1 @user3 babe that's The Pearl it's literally like number 1 on tourist attraction place

↳ user3 @user1 so? They could go together

↳ user1 @user3 I still don't understand the fascination of them going together, like she can have friends. I know she's antisocial and makes jokes about it but I promise she's not a baby 🙏🙏

Cutiedealmeida uploaded a thread

"can I get a kiss?" - fan of Elisa's

Elisa: "sorry, I'm not single sorry" 💔

-

-

oh my god elisa speaks in English again! Does this confirm that our favorite football player is taken...or is she just saying that as the girl looks much younger? Who knows! I guess we have to wait till Eli confirms her relationship...video credits: @emiliaaa.zl 🤞❤️ #elisadealmeida #footballnews #psg #psgfeminines

View all 58 comments

↳ user1 FUCK MY LIFE

↳ user2 she literally just confirmed it by saying she's not single 💀💀 do you want her to post a sloppy make out picture or what

↳user3 let me not just say anything...

↳user4 @user3 do you know who is the gf?

↳user3 @user4 nope I was just jealous 😁

fanofyn @ynupdates do you think it could be her?

↳ ynupdates @fanofyn y/n never said she's not single. And even if she is taken, there is barely any proof of it being Elisa 🤞

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 79,751 others

Y/n ☀️❄️

View all 9562 comments

User1 she couldn't think of a caption so she used emojis lol

↳ y/nl/n @User1 stop exposing me 😔

Besfriend can't believe you ditched me for this 💔💔

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend stopppp I asked you if you wanted to come 😭😭

Jackie_groenen_14 the sunglasses and the smile 😍😍

↳y/nl/n @jackie_groenen_14 shut up I'm blushing 🤚

User2 SHUT UP SHES WITH THAT PLAYER

↳user3 @User2 that place is very popular lol every rich person is there right now

↳user2 @User3 man I can't even be fucking delusional anymore without yall

↳user4 @User2 I believe you, they were posing the same way too ✊️

↳user2 @User4 WHAT THE HELL I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

Y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, brahim, kehlani, and 156,164 others

Y/nl/n good night and good win 🙏 Hala madrid 🤍

View all 12736 comments

User1 wait she's actually with brahim????

↳user2 @User1 I'd cry

User3 slut, only cares about players for money

↳user4 @User3 get a fucking life weirdo

User5 nooo the men found out about her :(( she will literally get hate on every post now

Bestfriend idgaf it's visca barca

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend babe... this isn't you 😔😔

user6 she's wearing a Spain shirt 👀

↳ user7 @User6 isn't brahim Moroccan?

↳user6 @User7 he's half Spanish, and before he got into the Moroccan team he wanted to play for the Spanish one but he wasn't good enough for them ig😬😬

User8 BABBYYYYY LOOK AT MY GIRL LIKE WOW

User9 awh she's so happy for her boyfriend ;((

User10 the last slide is brahim?

User11 awhh it's so cute how she's teaching him how to eat with his hand, but the food looks too hot tho 😭😭

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

Y/nupdates_page

Liked by user1, y/nsister, and 64,652 others

Y/nupdates_page GUYS KILL MEE Y/N JUST WENT LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR!...but something happened in the end as you can see from this screen-recording.

Is Y/n dating Elisa? Or was it Brahim? The audio wasn't clear, and the camera wasn't showing the door properly either! But from the small corner... the person has the same features as both brahim and Elisa. Short brown hair and fair skin... it could be either. But it's 99% Brahim since y/n never made a statement that she likes women, and she did make a lot of... interesting tweets back in the day about brahim ifykyk 🙈🙈

#y/n #music #elisadealmeida

View all 11,614 comments

user1 LMFAOOOO HER FACE

user2 idfc I'll stay delusional and pray it's Elisa

user3 wait what happened after this???

↳Y/nupdates_page @User3 she froze for 5 seconds, laughed, and then just ended it 😭😭 not even a fucking goodbye, she HATES us 😔💔💔

user4 noooo she's not single anymore💔 no more heartbroken depressing music

user5 wait who the fuck is Elisa and why does it feel like there is some inside joke that yall are hiding from me

↳Y/nupdates_page dw bae i got you, I made a post about the whole rumor a while ago 🫡

user6 HER SISTER LIKED IT

↳Y/nupdates_page @User6 she's probably sending it to the gc to laugh at her lmfao 💀💀

User7 #music ma'am are you that desperate for likes

↳Y/nupdates_page @User7 yes I'm an attention whore and the tag clearly worked.

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, jackie_groenen_14, kehlani, and 196,725 others

Tagged: elisadealmeida5

y/nl/n I'm so happy for my girlfriend ;((

eli, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much 🤎🤎

View all 60,624 comments

elisadealmeida5 babbyyyy❤️❤️🥺🥺

↳y/nl/n @elisadealmeida5 ❤️🤎

user1 WHICH ONE OF YALL BITCHES CALLED ME DELUSIONAL

user2 it's actually insane how we knew about this from a random tweet damn

user3 brahim didn't like this post lolll

user4 that's a girl?

user5 damn she's hot as hell

user6 I get depressed thinking she's not single but I start crying in joy when I realize it's a woman

user7 awhh she used a brown heart emoji 🤎🥺🥺🥺

↳user8 @User7 what the fuck is that supposed to mean 💀💀

↳user7 @User8 y/n has a whole album called 'Brown Hearts' lol

user9 Elisa is not single :(((((

user10 wait are they together?

↳user11 @User10 well i tell you what Sherlock Holmes you are unbelievable

↳y/nsister @User11 LMFAOAOAO

-----

i want to thank @thinkingaboutjaedyn for showing ouidad... like its insane how perfect she is for this

fun facts:

-the pictures were somehow easy to find, i was actually shocked on how i was able to find pictures from ouidad for this fic, the only time i struggled was for the 'paparazzi' pics at the end.

-the two pictures on y/n's post of her in qatar were from my sister's instagram page

if there is a mistake ignore it because im gonna kms if i have to edit this again

[kcalsforhim]

friday 8 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

cals : 804 steps : 10.6 k

breakfast : 9 magere knakworstjes, my mom ate one bless her. a tiny dish of ketchup i didnt finish... 1 thin rice cake thing with some cream cheese on one half and some jam on the other half

dinner : fried fish, potato salad and green iceberg lettuce ?? macarons as well cause...

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

okay so i woke up kind of at a normal time for breakfast... my mom made me this food and it was ok ! i made the rice cakes cause idk i was craving it sigh. dinner was amazing too, haku would not eat that fish but like... i didnt have a replacement protein or carb and sigh otherwise i would be eating only salad. he said it was ok. just pretend the fish was salad (this meal is one of my comfort foods it was SO GOOOOOD i love this dish).

i finished the macaroons because they have been in the fridge for a while and like... its fine.

my movement i obviously got my steps in but like... the way that i only had 3 k after dinner so i had to force myself on the walk pad untill i hit 10 k. like... actually painful. i always tell myself my walk goal is for the greater good but im literally programmed to be lazy sigh... i was talking to eli about this earlier... in my ideal life i would cook and clean the house and get my steps in on a pad and dress up and maybe do grocories and never work a day in my life... have somebody's bank card so i can order myself cute clothes and be a trophy wife like... sigh... anyways...

today my minecraft phonecase... creeper plushie... hairclips and MADOKA FIGURE CAME IN. im so excited about the figure i put her smack dab on my desk so i could always look at it !!! thank u eli for treatming me like ur trophy wife like actually u get me everything i want... hihi....

today i also received my half of an art trade im doing with geon... he drew my oc so well im never changing my pfp on twt like im just forever gunna have that pfp im literally i almost cried when i saw it cause i actually rarely if ever like the art others make of that character and geon put me RIGHT so thank u i know u will never see this entry but ily sigh

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

i took these pictures in the morning and like... i look ok. my stomach bloating is finally going down but im STILL too scared to weigh myself...... sigh... im such a coward LOL... should i do it rn ? idk ive been drinking a whole ass monster... ok i regret that so bad LMFAOOOO its not even that bad i havent shite since yesterday, i worked out for an hour, ive been drinking energy drinks... its logical but sigh. after this metab week u could call it im so relieved to go back to high res

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

here is some gorg thinspi that makes me wanna kms like... actually ur so gorgous and u look so beautiful existing when is it my turn... especially the second pic im SICKKKK.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

me like... actually humming this while i go insane in the assylum... HAHA

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

[bluejaysandblackbats]

11.3k km

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Willis gets a new job on one condition: he works the night shift for his first three months. With Catherine in rehab, Willis is forced to contact his ex-wife to take their five-year-old son into her custody for the summer. But there's a catch. Willis promised her every summer after in return for her help.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Willis Todd, Jason Todd, Catherine Todd, Sheila Haywood

Additional Tags: Split Custody AU, Canon Divergent AU, Fluff, Angst, Kid Jason Todd, Jason Todd Has Three Parents

Chapter One: Across The Globe

Willis sat with Jason on his lap. “You see, kiddo. Catherine’s your mommy, but you’re a special little boy because you’ve got another mommy. Her name is Sheila,” Willis explained. Jason swung his feet as he looked up at Willis. 

“But which mommy do I come from?” Jason asked. Willis placed a steadying hand on Jason’s stomach as Jason reached for a toy car on the table. 

“You come from Sheila. Sheila lives in a country in Africa… And she wants you to visit her for the summer,” Willis answered, “How cool is that, Jay! The summer in Ethiopia. Ethiopia is in Africa. You’re going to fly over the ocean—. Jason, stay with me for a second. You’re here—. You’re here with me right now.” Willis showed Jason on a globe Catherine picked up at a thrift shop. 

Jason touched the globe in the same spot. “Good. Now follow my finger. Your plane is gonna take you ‘round this way. Over the Atlantic. Yeah, see… And then, you fly over all these other countries until you get to your ma. Sheila,” Willis described, “Now show me where I am.”

Jason obeyed. “Daddy… Daddy, am I gonna come back?” Jason asked. Willis frowned as he pressed his lips to the back of Jason’s head. 

“Yeah… Of course, you’re coming back. Don’t be cuckoo. Daddy loves you so much. I’m gonna miss you from May, June, July, and then I’ll get you back right before your birthday. Can you remember all that?” Willis asked. 

“Ethiopia is a country in Africa. I’m gonna fly from here to here,” Jason answered as he traced the globe with his finger. Willis grinned. 

“You’re one smart cookie, Jason. Before we pack your bag, let’s talk to Mommy Catherine at the doctor,” Willis whispered. Jason hopped down, and Willis grabbed his hand. He locked up and took Jason downstairs to the hallway payphone. Jason stood on his tiptoes, holding onto Willis’ leg for balance. 

“Cab’s coming, bubs,” Willis whispered. 

Jason tugged on Willis’ shirt. “Daddy? Are you gonna get mad with Mommy again?” Jason asked. 

Willis frowned as he picked Jason up. “Daddy’s gonna be calm. I promise. Does it scare you when Mommy and I are upset?��� Willis asked. The counselors at the rehab center told Willis to ask Jason those sorts of questions. 

“Sometimes… How come you get mad when she’s sick, but you don’t get mad when I’m sick?” Jason asked. “Is it ‘cause she’s a grown up?”

“Well… Hm. No, that’s not it. When she’s sick, it’s just—. I get frustrated because I can’t fix her, and I don’t—. It’s frustrating when you love somebody so much, and you can’t help them. The doctors say the best thing we can do is talk about how we feel to each other,” Willis explained, “And sometimes when I talk I get loud. It’s not a good thing to be loud. It scares people. I can be scary sometimes.”

“It’s okay… Everybody gets upset sometimes, Daddy,” Jason replied as he wrapped his arms around Willis’ neck. 

Willis blew out a heavy breath to keep from crying, but his tears fell anyway. “I’m sorry, Jason. I don’t want to be like—. I want to be a good dad. I don’t wanna scare you… I don’t—.” 

Jason kissed Willis’ cheek like Catherine kissed Jason’s cheek when he cried. Over and over. 

“It’s okay, Daddy. I don’t think you’re so scary right now,” Jason reassured him as he held Willis’ face in his hands. “Are you having a bad day?”

“It’s a little tough today. I think I’m just tired. Daddy needs to take a nap later,” Willis replied as he kissed Jason. “See how gentle you are with my feelings? I have to learn how to be like you. I have to have soft hands and soft words. Do you think I can do it?” 

“Uh-huh. You can do anything, Daddy,” Jason whispered. The cab pulled up and Willis buckled Jason in and climbed in beside him. 

**

At the rehab center, Catherine sat fidgeting with a cootie catcher. Jason made it for her the last time he visited to keep her from getting bored. Willis entered the common room, and he let go of Jason’s hand. Jason ran to her, and she wearily smiled as she opened her arms. “Mommy, I missed you so much,” Jason whispered. 

“I missed you too, baby. Do you wanna sit up here with me?” Catherine asked. Her voice was far away. Willis walked over and sat across from her. “Hi, Willis.”

“Hi, Catherine. How’s it going?” Willis asked. 

Catherine kissed Jason’s temple. “Working the program. Taking it a day at a time,” Catherine answered automatically. She wouldn’t complain. She couldn’t allow the discomfort to get to her. “Jason, you smell so good. Did Daddy wash your hair? I could just eat you up.” She playfully nipped at his cheek. 

Willis smiled at the sound of Jason’s laugh. “I wanted him to look his best today,” Willis replied. 

“Mommy, I’m gonna get on a plane all by myself soon. I’m gonna go all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to Ethiopia. That’s in Africa,” Jason stated. Catherine nodded. 

“I know. Daddy told me all about it. Are you excited to meet Mommy Sheila?” Catherine asked. 

Jason nodded. “Is my other mommy your sister?” Jason asked. Catherine chuckled as she shook her head. 

“No, baby. Your daddy used to be married to Sheila before he married me. Sheila’s very excited to see you. She wrote me a letter about you. She’s going to pick you up from the airport,” Catherine answered. She fixed his bangs. “Pinky promise me you’ll be good.” 

Jason gave her his pinky. “I promise, Mommy,” Jason whispered. 

Catherine sighed as she rocked back and forth, holding Jason as close as she possibly could. “Take lots of pictures and draw lots of pretty things for me to hang up in my room,” Catherine whispered, “And have fun. You’re going to another country. That’s so exciting. A whole new continent. Wow! Wow, baby.” Catherine tried to sound happy, but she was afraid. 

Jason kissed her cheek and held her face. “Mommy, I’m a little scared,” Jason whispered. Catherine smiled. 

“Don’t be scared, baby. Sheila’s gonna take good care of you. She loves you just as much as we do. It’s an adventure. You’re gonna go on a big adventure all by yourself like a big boy. Everyone is so proud of you. This is a big responsibility,” Catherine reassured him. Jason hid his face in her shoulder. Catherine looked at Willis as she rubbed Jason’s back. 

“Do you not want me anymore?” Jason asked. Catherine covered her mouth, and Willis stood up. 

“Of course, we want you. You’ll only be gone until school starts up again,” Catherine answered, “And maybe I’ll be home again, too.” Jason softened. 

“And we’ll have a big party when you come back… Because you’re gonna have your own room and everything. We’re gonna move into the new place and everything, and I’m—.” Willis stopped talking. 

“Jason, are you hungry?” Catherine asked. Jason shook his head. “Well, that’s good. Willis is gonna pack you a nice big lunch for the plane trip. You’re gonna go to sleep and wake up and eat your lunch. Then, you’ll be in Ethiopia with Sheila… Plane rides are so much fun. You’re gonna love it.”

“I am?” Jason asked. 

“Mhm. I’ve been on a plane before. I love it. If you look out your window, you’ll be able to see the clouds and the ocean will be right underneath you. It’s beautiful,” Catherine smiled. She nudged Jason’s cheek with her nose. “Do you love me?” 

“Of course, I love you, Mommy. Don’t be cuckoo,” Jason replied. Catherine laughed. 

“I love you too, Jason. And thank you for visiting me,” Catherine whispered, “Let’s play on the cootie catcher. Give me a letter.” 

“E,” Jason replied. 

Willis leaned in, grinning as he watched Catherine play with Jason. “A-B-C-D-E. Give me a color,” Catherine smiled. 

“Green,” Jason answered. 

“G-R-E-E-N. And let’s do your name. J-A-S-O-N,” Catherine spelled it out as she opened the cootie catcher. “You’ve got the yellow star. Make a wish.” Jason closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose eliciting a laugh from Catherine and Willis. And then Catherine and Willis locked eyes… And smiled at each other.

[st4rshipr4nger]

OML A TUA SHIFTER??? TELL ME EVERYTHING ABT YOUR DR RN 👹 (if thats ok w u 🥰)

EEEEEE HIIIIII YES YES YES I MOST DEFINITELY WILL

okay so im the handlers daughter (she adopts me she is NOT my birth mother) and then she adopts lila but were the same age so anyway she like raises us and stuff cause shes mother and so she trains us and shit like she does in the show with lila and also me and lila kind of have the same powers ish because okay idk if youre familiar with xmen but i like have rogues powers so like power absorption and taking peoples energy and stuff so like if i touch someone skin to skin ill take their powers if they have any and their energy and i kind of get their memories too, and so she makes me wear these gloves because one time i accidentally touched her when i was a baby and took some of her energy and she almost passed out or something, anyways being the handlers daughter obviously comes with trauma so when im like ten im like mom i dont like this i dont wanna do this anymore and shes like well thats too damn bad and i tell lila im running away but we make a plan to like meet up in the future so i run and shit one night and i find the umbrella academy a few days after and Pogo answers the door and i tell him about my powers because ive seen the hargreeves on television and on billboards and im like can i just like stay here for a little while and hes like yes ofcourse but i need to talk to sir reginald and hes like wow youre weird and then i kind of become like his labrat because he wants to see exactly how my powers work but hes also like youre fucking dangerous, so he gets this serum that makes my powers go away for a limited amount of time and i have to get injected with it every morning but i meet the hargreeves and we all get along pretty quickly and they like accept me into the family and oh my god GRACE :(((( i love her so much me and ben obviously have like a LITTLE thing but none of us is gonna admit it until like later but yeah reg doesnt trust me going on missions at first but he lets me go on one which kind of ends bad so he doesnt let me go on anymore and i have to stay on the sidelines with viktor ALSO me klaus ben diego and vik are super close i get closer with everyone else too but like specifically them so like yeah!! me and ben kiss literally like three days before he yk and then i want to kms !!! but its fine he watches me as a ghost for the next 18 years!!!! but yeah its obviously hard for all of us to take and stuff

ANYWAYS!!!

so when were all older we obviously go our seperate ways but i kind of stay in touch with diego klaus and viktor (allison never answers her damn phone and luthers on the moon) i read viktors book and i thought it was fine like i dont have an issue with it he was speaking facts that nobody else in the house wanted to admit and we were pretty much treated the same also after bens death i kind of like started doing drugs with klaus again because the serums were also just drugs like be fucking fr anyways klaus also never tells me that ben is looking over us and he feels bad about it but like klaus and i are really similar [in my dr everyones like oh hes just klaus but in another body] so im not like yk i cant like stay mad but trust in my dr i will be sorry buddy anyways i still talk to diego cause me and him are also bestfriends and i try to send messages up to the moon sometimes to luther cause he and diego were literally like i actually felt like family around them theyre like my brothers but obviously wtv

thats like kind of a backstory thing i left some things out but i love oversharing about some of the things in my drs its fun

let me know if you wanna hear more cause like eeeeeeeee

also im scripting that like i dont know klaus has ben on his shoulder and that stuff cause i like to make myself suffer a little bit

[einsatzzz]

long-ish vent/rant bc xmas holidays truly is THAT season huh !!!

i would rant about this on my bird app acct, but the character limit for each tweet there might just piss me off so i'll just rant here uninterrupted.

i have not been doing so good health wise the past few weeks, but it got even worse this weekend ueueueueue besides my body pain + sore muscles from touching grass two days in a row (my leg muscles hurt sm fr fr 😭😭😭) plus my bank acct getting drained, i felt an impending fever last night so i took some meds and slept early. woke up after four hours feeling very nauseous. i alr ran out of nausea meds, so i tried to distract myself and forced myself to fall alseep.

woke up after another four hours, im still nauseous but this time with stomach pain from the high acidity and diarrhea????!!!! how???!!! i had antimotility meds and antacids, so i took some. the problem is i rlly need to eat and drink, on the other hand, im nauseous. my brother cooked me some food, but only managed to eat one(1) ebi fry and two tablespoons of rice dsfhvhsjdfs i did get a sip of gatorade b4 i passed out again from pain sfhsfhsd i deadass thought i was gonna die bc i felt my limbs slowly go cold god damn....i think i slept longer right after, around six hours??? i really felt the dehydration in my bones when i woke up. i still feel bad, but not enough to not eat a little bit more.

tho me thinking that im dying at that time is prob bc of the anxiety mixed in, but last night b4 i got home i actually legit thought i'm gonna die. if my chances of dying daily is at 0.6%, i feel like yesterday the probability skyrocketed to at least 60-75%. won't go to too much in detail bc its a very heated serious family drama but the catch is that we're in a moving vehicle 😃😃😃 i even considered messaging some of my friends smth like "if i don't post anything new in one month, please assume i actually legit died /srs" or had "i shouldve gotten life insurance"/"this is such a stupid way to die i shouldve just kms yesterday" thoughts hahaha it was that bad.

next year i really need to learn how to drive even if i have motion sickness. then b4 i reach 30, i need to somehow live alone peacefully at my own place. i feel like my mental health would improve significantly if i could do that. (i typed a lot after this but i deleted it 😅 i just remembered i said i won't go too much into family stuff jfbhjdbghdb)

overall its very upsetting/frustrating that bad things keeps on being thrown at me irl, esp since i simply just wanna focus being in my own little corner, work on my projects/wips and admire other's works. as one of my fave streamers would say, we will still ball!!! but like...damn, this shit hurt af 😭😭😭 my project plans have been bamboozled once again bc of this, but we're still on! i need to lock in when i feel well enough.

[maerimary]

Tw vent

I don't even wanna BE HERE all my strength is going into not kms or sh and I've been failing that second one recently, how am I supposed to give a fuck about other stuff??? My thoughts r a constant stream of "you're okay you're okay" and "breathe just breathe" and yet I tried, didn't give it my all because I just fucking won't like why focus my all on sth that doesn't feel permanent that won't have effect cuz I really really wanna kms n I've never had a bucket list but from what I've seen online, those "stay alive for" posts, I've done it all, seen a band I love live, got a piercing, etc etc and that only made me hate myself even more for feelin like this cuz look at me, able to accomplish all this, this privilege, and yet I'm still like this

And like, when I was 13 I told myself I can't kms cuz hey I'm too young and besides it gets better, then was middle school but ot gwts better, then high school but it's gonna get better someday, I'm in uni and what, is it gonna get better in like 5 years when I finish n get a job? Wasn't it supposed to get better ALL THOSE TIMES AND IT DIDNT I'm sick of this n tired but I can't off myself cuz my kitty won't get it n some days I really think how bad of a person, how selfish would I be if I just took him with me, this way he wouldn't miss me, but I can't and I know I can't and I'm stuck here because I fucking love him so much but I've lived since like 13yo for my parents and it doesn't work anymore, then it was a friend but that didn't last full 3 years because of, ourae it didn't the only time sb lasted longer than 3 years with me was in elementary school and still she told me to go fuck myself after 5,point is one day the "I have to live for my kitty" will run out of power too and I can't wait for that day I'm so tired and bored and only making it from day to day by pure cowardice, whoever said that suicide is easier than living was so fucking stupid, easiest thing to do is just rot on the floor stuffed with meds and useless therapists

[meat-wentz]

ngl sometimes i just be calling the crisis line like it took me so long to just suck it up and realize i needed to just talk to someone sometimes like if you ever have the reservation of like ugh that’s not gonna help or ugh their just gonna ask me if i want to kms etc like literally it’s just really nice to be able to like step away from a situation and call the crisis line and just tell them about stuff like whenever i get really anxious or i get into a bad fight with someone and idk how to handle it or even if i just wanna talk shit to get some frustration out and have someone listen like i just call the crisis line like it’s literally just nice to talk to somebody who’s completely removed from your life and will just listen to you lol it’s a really good thing to have in your back pocket when you don’t know who to turn to anyways that’s my tip for the day is just call the crisis line sometimes and get into a habit of knowing someone’s out there so whenever you’re really put in the shit you’ll have a more instinctual habit of where to turn to for some on-the-spot help.

[metaldragoon]

410/2023 KM done for the year Lots of events have happened over the past two days! Mostly bad, but, oh well.  You may notice I have done but a baby’s run, which is what I’ve done both days since last I run, as I managed to somehow gain 15 pounds in the two days I was visiting my mother so it’s just, not feeling great to run.  I already lost 3 pounds since yesterday so I’m certain I’ll shed it off quickly especially since I’m going to be conscious of it for a bit.  Anyways! I almost hit a wolf going 120km/h, he ran in front of some car going the other direction, and then picked up speed to avoid that by running directly in front of me.  Definitely did like a 40 foot skid and was turned like 20 degrees sideways, but, at least for those few seconds the wolf managed to live.  Who knows if the next care didn’t just drill it.  I went for my fat run yesterday and it’s a shame since the weather has been so beautiful the past two days, I wanna go fast!  Anyways, today I woke up and my mom informed me her brother died, which is very sad.  I didn’t see her other message until lunch time since I mute my emails, but she emailed me last night about it saying “doctors say he’ll make it through the night” and then to already know the result was a bit of an oof.  I am not particularly heartbroken, I was not very close with him, I met him twice.  Once I went to his place, he lived in Niagara Falls so I was there for three weeks between Gr.7 - Gr. 8 summer break, but I didn’t really talk with him.  He had 2 daughters I mostly hung out with there and he was just old man spending time with my mother, but truthfully it was at worst the 2nd best holidays of my life.  The other time, his daughter happened to be moving west and driving through Winnipeg, which is where I was living at the time, so he picked me up along the way so that I could also move west.  He then told my mother I was ungrateful so I assume he didn’t like me.  But! that said my mother has not had parents for over 45 years so it’s just been her and her two brothers for most her life, and so for that I am sad that she is suffering and without someone so important to her.  After work today, driving home, two lanes, light turns red, and the guy stopped beside me got rear-ended! That is... accident #4 I have witnessed in real life I believe.  Some old white lady in a minivan rammed in to him, I could see her slamming the wheel after in frustration and then, y’know, cars were just sitting there, light changes green, and she speeds off.  A hit and run, folks!  Well, of my three other accidents I have observed one of them happened to me, in not-a-particularly-similar situation, but a hit and run none-the-less! And I was such an idiot and deleted the license plate I wrote down so I never was able to get my revenge... but not today! I took chase after our criminal!  I made sure to keep my distance so she wouldn’t panic, we were in the city and I am but a normal grey sedan... the most unassuming predator.  I followed her for like 3 minutes until I got close enough to read her license plate, pulled over to write down the information in my NOTES APP, and then returned to the scene of the crime.  Our blue subaru would be so happy to know I tracked that witch down and his insurance would not have to take the hit! And then he wasn’t even there anymore! Good grief.  So I headed to the police station, ready to file a witness report, I only know where one station is from my previous hit-and-run experience, and I don’t have data on my phone, so I’m not sure it was the closest but it was like 10 minutes out of my way.  Get out my car, and some fella tells me police station’s shut down today on account of two officers were murdered today.  How inconvenient for me personally.  So, now it’s the weekend and we have to wonder if I even care enough to return by Monday when the station will re-open.  RIP to Uncle Cameron!

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 26 - Old Messages, pt. 2.

--------------Congo's point of view--------------------

I had promised myself there would be no more between me and Andy, but already the next day, I knew it was impossible to keep. I wanted him more than ever, and breakfast was almost impossible to get through. Marius was sweet, lovingly sitting on my lap, trying to feed me breakfast pancakes, while I was trying to pretend to read the morning news paper. I was mainly trying to avoid eye contact with him. I had never cheated on a partner before. And the burning feeling in My stomach was awful to bare. I had tried reading a few lines of the paper, but I kept getting interrupted by visions of Andy and I kissing in the forest last night. It was impossible to concentrate in anything. It was impossible denying I wanted more. The whole day I was wandering around aimlessly, I couldn't get Andy out of my head, and being with Marius made my guilt grow every minute. So late afternoon I decided to drive 2 km to a small mountain town, located behind my dads house. Not even the fresh air could clear my head, even though I tried my best. The evening seemed to run at snail speed, so I decided to call it a night already around 9. It was early for me, and Marius did question it a bit. I couldn't sleep however, thoughts of Andy and how this situation could possibly turn in my favor, were racing my mind. I had loved him 10 years. 10 whole years. Since the very first night I met him. And now he had finally fallen for me. But being engaged to a vampire, was a deadly cocktail, at least for the one standing in the way. I knew I needed to get as far away as possible, but he was my Andy. It's safe to say I hoped and begged it was him on the line, when suddenly my phone lit up in the dark bedroom later that night.

Andy: I miss you. A lot. I wish I could wrap your arms around me, and fall asleep like that. Safe. I sit here looking at the pics of you and Marius… all I can focus on is you… Your lips Your beard How I wanna run my fingers through your hair Your chest Your upper arms I love you I just wanna see you again. I know I need to shut up and move on. I don't wanna hurt you. I know I said everything yesterday… but I just keep running it on repeat. I just wish there were some way we could be together… and no one getting hurt. I just really need you! Close. Always. You keep me calm. You always made me feel safe. You were always so nice to me…. took so good care of me. I miss you so fucking much!! Miss your smell…. I love you.

Congo: I love you too.

Andy: You have no idea what those words mean to me.

Congo: I know what it means to hear them from you.

Andy: <3 I'm so in love with you!

Congo: I'm so in love with you too.

Andy: What are you doing now?

Congo: In bed.

Andy: Were you sleeping? Did I wake you up?

Congo: No, I couldn't sleep.

Andy: Oh… why not?

Congo: Thinking of you.

Andy: Good or bad?

Congo: Both, I guess.

Andy: What was the good?

Congo: YOU.

Andy: (He sent a smiley with stars in it's eyes) And then what's the bad?

Congo: That I can't have you.

Andy: I know! (Smiley crying on the floor)

Congo: What are you doing? Just sitting around in your room?

Andy: Yeah… can't sleep. I'm too restless… horny… confused…

Congo: I guess I feel sort of the same. Plus, it's too hot to sleep.

Andy: Take some clothes off.

Congo: I'm already naked.

Andy: :3 DAMN (followed by a row of blushy and pervy smileys)

Congo: You are crazy.

Andy: You love that about me.

Congo: Yes.

Andy: You make me hard!

Congo: By telling you I'm naked?

Andy: Yes!!! Of course!! You are fucking hot!!! GOD! That bulgy chest of yours!!!!!!!

Congo: What more?

Andy: Your big warm arms.

Congo: Anything else?

Andy: Your kind eyes… Your sexy beard Your strong upper arms Your v of muscles above your jeans line! Your firm ass Your muscly thighs GOD! I fucking want you so much!!!!

Congo: I want you too.

Andy: How much?

Congo: So much that I'm touching myself.

Andy: (Crying smiley, followed by a smiley leaning against a wall) First one was a finger spass… sorry…

Congo: What does the second one mean?

Andy: I wish I was outside your bedroom door!

Congo: Me too!

Andy: I want to feel your naked body against mine… making love to you all night and morning.

Congo: Mmm yeah… I would love that. Feeling my hands all over your perfect body. Tasting your skin. Feeling myself grow inside you.

Andy: Fuck!!! I wanna taste you too… and feel you so badly!!!!! You're so strong and warm. I can't get enough of your warmth! I wish I could push myself inside you, and just live in there…just merge with you… Are you still touching yourself?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: DAMN! I wish I could crawl under your blanker and give you a blowjob. I really wanna swallow you, taste your cum again. Mmmmmm! Tell me how you touch yourself…

Congo: I am slowly stroking my dick, and pulling lightly in my balls. Thinking of you. Wanting your hands and mouth on me.

Andy: Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!! Wait… what are we doing? I;m so hot now I'm almost burning up!! And I'm touching myself I'm so hard it almost hurts!

Congo: The sweat is running off me. I want you so bad I think I'm gonna scream out your name soon!

Andy: FUCK!!! We need to cool down!

Congo: I know. How about we take a shower? Together. I mean, as together we can. I'll go jump in my shower, you go jump in yours… We jerk off with the thoughts of each other, and when we are done, we meet up here again? You can go to your bed as well, and we can keep talking till we get tired enough to sleep, or simply keep going till we fall asleep?

Andy: Yes! I'm in! I really need to cum! But as I'm quite challanged on that some days, I really need help… this might do :3 just the thought of you makes my insides buzz and my heart pound!

Congo: I know! I feel the same way about you. I'll meet you here in 10-15 minutes. I love you.

Andy: I love you too. (20 minutes later) I'm back!

Congo: Me too.

Andy: :) you make me smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

Congo: :) you too.

Andy: Really??? :D

Congo: Yes.

Andy: I'm melting!

Congo: :)

Andy: Did you cum?

Congo: Yes :) you?

Andy: Yes! Could almost not stand on my legs, that's how good it was!

Congo: Perfect!

Andy: Yes! :3 I kept thinking of your face :3

Congo: Only my face?

Andy: More or less. Only one time I thought of you sucking me. The rest of the time, I just pictured your smile… well, your profile pic here mostly…

Congo: You make me so happy.

Andy: Why? :)

Congo: Because now there's no longer a single shred of doubt in me. I know you are in fact in love with me too. That it's not just lust and a crush. I mean. You didn't just focus one me naked or fucking you. It was my face. Me as a person.

Andy: I told you! :)

Congo: I know, but it sounds too good to be true. Well, it is, since we can't be together. It stings in my heart every time I think of it.

Andy: :/ I don't want you to get hurt, or get bad health because of this. If its easier I'll stop writing these things to you, and we will somehow rewind time till before I told you… at least imagine that part…

Congo: No. Please. Even if it makes things a million times harder, I need to know you love me too. You did the right thing. We will find a way to control this, cause we have to. But for the rest of this night, let us just go to bed, and pretend to cuddle, how does that sound? No bad vibes before sleeping :) Let's keep it light.

Andy: Sounds nice. I would say perfect, but perfect would be you laying next to me, in reality…

Congo: I know sweety. Let's crawl to bed at least this way.

Andy: Alright, I just need to finish eating my bread…

Congo: You're eating? (Back then Andy had a lot of trouble eating. He had gotten of alcohol after around 10 years as an alcoholic, and his stomach wasn't used to solid food. On top of that he had a lot of anxiety around food, so it was a rare thing to see him eat more than a bit of fruit salad or a small bowl of cereal with milk or yoghurt)

Andy: Yes, a big piece of bread with butter and raisins :)

Congo: That makes me happy <3 thank you.

Andy: You don't have to thank me :) I don't wanna die any longer, remember? (he also used to be very suicidal)

Congo: Yes :) but that's also almost too good to believe.

Andy: :) just give me 2 minutes to get done…

Congo: Sure take your time.

Andy: (A few minutes later) I'm done, but I have raisins all over my mouth, I'm gonna go brush my teeth… Congo…how heavy does Marius sleep?

Congo: Pretty heavy, why?

Andy: Uhm, I'm in my own bedroom, so A surely wont hear me. Maybe if you think it wont wake up Marius, I could call you, and we could whisper a bit to each other? Or just be on the line, so we can just feel each other near? Or is that stupid?

Congo: No, it's not stupid. I would very much like that :)

Andy: :D I'll be right back!

Congo: Yes.

Andy: (Another few minutes later) Can I call now?

Congo: Yes :)

Andy: :D

We talked for about 45 minutes that night, till I no longer got an answer. I could hear him breathe deeply, and it was comforting knowing he was safe asleep. I kept pressing my phone againts my ear, as if I was trying to get him closer to me. I fell asleep much later with a smile on my lips, but a heavy heart knowing it was all wrong, and we had to stop.

[trolagygirl2022]

LMFAOOO. I have family members there so I guess it wouldn't be that bad but the language fucks me upppp. I remember one time I was at my dad's house, the delivery guy came to me and started speaking german 60 km/hour and I was like "um..... dad not home". Sweden is alright, for me I think Poland is madly underrated. I've been there a few years ago and I LOVED it. I also was at one uni (I forgot the name) because my mum's uni had a program with the uni over there. NYU is such a dream though but sooo pricey. I've been thinking of doing immigration law or maybe something in finance? What law practice do you plan on doing?

////

LMFAOOOO 60K PER HR 😭😭😭 ,,,, omg poland is!!!! my pinterest is just poland and scottland mixing and mashing together,,, nyu is a dream come true tbh but the price is ridiculous and it’s bar is also extremely harder than the canadian one,,, OOOOO i like those choices! (ps don’t do corporate law, there’s absolutely no room for ur personal life, ur like legitimately doing 12hrs a day),,, i’m kinda hoping to do family / property law or like a civil litigation? i absolutely refuse to do criminal law bc the class i took on it genuinely berated my life out of me 🥰

tho i’ve heard that law clerks (like the typeing ppl in courts) earn as much as a associate & without a license 👀 trying to get a job b4 law school so at least it won’t put me in bankruptcy (if u also do, look into the correctional facilities in calgary, u can earn 6 figures + literally retire at 50 with a huge pension and benefits program (just had a seminar on it and the ppl were persuading us to join 😭😭)) + also if ur able to, apply to the cbsa in calgary like the student area (not coop unless u wanna do that) it’s a very good look on ur resume, law schools kinda love it!!

Corporate law scares the shit out of me, I personally couldn't but the pay is looking pretty good hehe. I'm looking into possible side hustles I can do so that I'm not dirt broke after law school (barron if you're reading this hit me up please). Law clerk sounds like a great idea! I'll definitely look into that! And family law sounds interesting but I feel like I'll get wayyy too attached loll. In my legal studies class we're learning about contract law and it's lokey boringgggg, criminal law sounds interesting but I definitively don't want to do that for 20 years.

[rodbei]

Barbecue bacon burger

Øhm ok i wanted to do this before the party yesterday but now im doing on the train on my way home home on the train

Yesterdayyyy i woke up gave red their fucking vacumm back and we went to school its fucking foggy all the time rn

We had film to start of with we learnt about editing, and omg were watching bits of this one movie AND I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENDS am going insane. But we were in a group of me red a dude who ive become freinds with calleddddd "mail" cause its funny we had the edit this one clip and omg its was so funny me and red had to be acting togheter and holy shit we cant act omg. But theyre was this one girl in our class omg i felt so bad they dont say a lot at all and suddenly they just dissapeered and red was talking about how they werent talking alot and they were scared of keeping them iut if the projekt i added it was their own peoblem and suddenly they emerge from behind this cirner say they were sorry they dident talk alot and we felt so badd ahhhh red tried to comfort them but i think they went home after class wa.

They we had history it was fine i understood more this time but i still hate the way it teached cause it such an intresting subjeckt SO WHY DONT I UNDERSTAND SHIT UR SAYING.

Then we had math and i drew smallish beans and red said we should cosplay hermitcraft togheter i hope we can do it could be so fuuuunn.

After school i found out my back bike whell of my bike WITH UNBREAKABLE wheels had a fucking punctured wheel im screaming mail fixes it but the air was out before we were homing and omg i was sweating on my way home it gets 10 degress varmer on the way home every day so its super cold and then its super varm so im always SWEATING on the way home.

But i got home and procrastinated taking a shower for two hours on tiktok when i finally took a shower i realised it hink im losing weight?! And i dont know how to feel about it. At boarding school always felt horrible cause they gave us so much food and we never really did anything physical so i always felt bad eating wich is fucking stupid and now its like im never really hungry in the same was also i bike 10 km every day so i guess its nice but also wtf.

Anyway after my shower i made the best pb and j with banana ever and called my bf to watch 2 episodes of stranger things YIPPE we also just yapped alot and i hung up my posters i live my bf hes so cute.

I was also weirdly overstimulated after my shower but not overwhelmed more in the way that i could feel my hair in my face, my clothes touching my skin and just EVERYTHING also my toes touching and that everything was sticking to my feet ew ew ew.

But i put a hat on some comfy clothes and socks and it was only a midly horrible.

Then i died for tan hour tryin to figure out what to wear to the party cause it was fucking childs birthday themed. I landed on twd shirt with short pants funky socks and converse yippe.

Then i struggeld to find kale to go to rema but o found them we struggeld to find ea who had a car or somthing. And then mail the whimsical just kinda s p a w n e d. But the car dident car so we just walked to rema and i got some smirnoff and energy drink and alchohol and an AMERICAN lollypop i mean it fit the theme but mail kept saying i was patriotic?! BARBECUE BACON BURGER we go tot the party and then we left to make mails gross gross microwave burger and his choclate milk 😭 i had a LOT of energy oh and red spawned even tho they dislike parties. I went back and fourth frlm the party to them and i drank some smirnoff and here it gets a bittt blurry me and mail had a bit with BARBECUE BACON BURGER cause both him and red dont drink so they were just following me around eventually i got a drink from the bar and omfg shit just tasted like straight up vodka omfg it was eww i also paid some one for a party hat but i paid them with the rest of my lollipop pls wtf😭 i also called viggo at some point and me and mail kept screaming BARBECUE BACON BURGER at eachother omg.

I also called viggo at somepoint THEN I WON IN UNO AGAIN RED AND MAIL YIPPE im a god at uno fr fr. I ran around a lot it was fun i also did reds dishesss?? And mail walked me home at like 23 or somthing and called viggo and went to beddd. OH SHIT RED TOOK A VIDEO OF ME OH NO i tried to do the HOTTOGO dance and i failed oh noooooo

Song of yesterday was the meme BARBECUE BACON BURGER

- Redbei 09:06 21 sep on a train so so eepy

[fastleopard1521]

Vent post

it’s barely even morning time and my dad has already made me feel horrible and made me wanna kms, I hate this, and I can’t even tell my friends about it bc they know my parents and they’ll probably say that my parents are too nice for that

and it’s not just them, but everything’s been going bad and people have been calling me names because of my weight and now I don’t wanna eat, but food is good so I hate myself more for that

and I’m trying to help too many people that don’t care about me or how my mental health is being affected by them making me think they’re gonna kill themself

Anyways, if this day gets any worse I’ll prolly just use that lil sharp thing from my nail kit bc knives are too noticeable but if I need to- might need to use that knife my parents never took away

[fatimaah]

hands?

what a weird name for a chapter in my journal but who gives af it's only me and strangers here.

I just love having hands (no I'm not a weirdo, if u have hands dude u should appreciate them) . Like I would probably not wanna live if it wasn't about creating something with them. No matter what but I feel the need to make something with them everyday. Even when I don't have time I feel like these weeks creating is slowly turning into a drug.... don't know if it's good or bad tho.

BUT WE, HUMANS ARE LUCKY TO HAVE FINGERS like if I just had paws I'd kms for real. Don't know how tho, holding a gun with paws? Oh that'd be too pathetic.

anYwAy don't know why I'm writing exactly maybe cuz I liked today? Nothing cool really happened but neither did anything bad so I just had my time to do my things

*(actually I really should be giving more fuck about university cuz I'm not learning ANYTHING)....but I don't wanna think about it now.

All I know is that today it was a me-time and I enjoyed it. I did some Arabic, crochet, drew some thingies, read a lot of Quran, read a book, ran on a treadmill and just set outside looking at ladybugs.

Oh and BY THE WAY my classmates had another graduation photoshoot today. They all went camping on a bus(like we did back in redbridge I still can't stop thinking about my shitty friends cuz that camping in redbridge was my favorite time w friends. well we aren't friends anymore but we still are, just old us.... unfortunately)

So they all went camping and send videos and photos and I'm just so happy seeing them there. Like I don't even feel left out or jealous. They had great time together and I love seeing those smiles on photos (of my friends) . Actually I think if I went there I wouldn't like it. Even if I am extrovert I'm also such a hater I would just be annoyed by the company of some ppl from our class like it's not my fault they are so....ew (mostly boys but also some girls and I'm not being sexist)

But I'd like to go on a picnic or something w people I like.

More and more everyday I want to live somewhere remote. With my lover, somewhere quiet and beautiful. Somewhere where it's only spring. No hot summer, no depressing fall, no cold winter ....I want to fall in love. Like in LOVE LOVE. (what was that? hopelessly dreaming I guess?)

Tomorrow is Monday I don't wanna go to school just wanna hang out w my girls, school is such a terrible place. I wish I took my friends and we spent our last day at Redbridge. They'd like it there. So nostalgic... Redbridge didn't feel like school – it felt like a camp and honestly, I should've appreciated that place more.

this is so random I should write more professionally like " The wind was whistling when I suddenly opened my eyes just to find everyone else sleeping , oh, how splendid the morning was... blah blah blah "

May fucking 12th

ALREADY 😭

[jazuthevulcanprincess]

i wanna kms so so bad so bad i can't stop thinking abt hurting myself i just cant do anything

my body hurts so fucking bad i spent all night crying bc my mom is drinking and imploding and weaponizes her incompetence to make me take care of everything she cant ever handle doing anything on her own but she acts like she doesnt do that

she doesnt understand how her flipping out over every inconvenience and not being able to self sooth and problem solve like an adult hurts me and makes me have to step in to solve it

and she has the audacity to say I chose her as my mothet i chose to be born to her what fucking utter bullshit

im only here with her so i can go to college bc i cant work and do school at the same time, and i cant afford my own life and i struggle not to kill myself at every job ive worked at

im so spoiled and stupid and worthless and fat and ugly and how could anyone ever love me like this, but I cant do any better i dont know how

im not gonna make it thru university i know it, she is gonna keep wearing me down anyway

i cant even read anything for studying i cant get my brain to focus i just keep crying i wish i could leave and take care of myself only

she will never stop using me for her comfort and making me take care of logistics and bills bc she will fuck it up bc she doesnt know how and doesnt want to learn or improve or stop drinking or take responsibility for anything shes ever done wrong in her life

im going to do no better. ive got no future. i cant even go to school how can i work?

ive been trykng to study for 3 days and i keep having to solve some problem or im just unable to read anything, took me 4 hours to do one homework yesterday bc i kept rereading the same lines over and over bc they didnt make sense, it was like pulling teeth to understand anything

and then i got the xmas tree and i had to find it cut it move it set it up etc and clean and whatever and my back and body hurt so badly bc im an out of shape lazy fat fuck who is too scared to excercise in public where people can see me but i also wont excercise indoors bc i hate floor routines i only like walking or ice skating

yoga hurts everything i do hurts and im too much of a weak coward to try to do a single fucking thing

theres nothing worth living for anyway i cant afford anything climate change is making everything worse people are cheering for genocide and capitalism will never leave and ill end up on the streets killing myself anyway so why bother

i cant relax and be vulnerable with anothe human being either so ill always be alone since i dont see that changing anytime soon

and my heart is constantly skipping anyway so ill probably have a heart attack in a few years or get lung cancer since i vaped for a year and have smoked weed for many more years

im a burden to everyone ive ever met including my mother so what the fuck is the point anyway

im only alive to take care of my cats and i cant even do that

[f00lm00nf00lsun]

Thursday 2/23/2023

Thursday 2/23

Wow I just had the WORST day of my fawking life omg. I hit car backing up into my jobs parking lot, forgot to get info (the only thing I got was her phone #) had to re-meet her back @ my job to get the info where she claim it it both sides of her car somehow. I came home to see my dogs destroyed the trash and to clean it up (with the help of Timothy), the dogs also destroyed my yarn I was knitting, like completely unattached the ball from what I was knitting, and basically unraveled the whole thing.  I thought that was it and then What I’m getting ready for bed I’m cleaning my helix piercing u see facet bc I forgot to wash it in the shower, and it completely ripped out of my ear. It was bleeding sooooo bad. My mom hopefully put it back in, it took a while but I finally got in, but then I go to tighten it and It falls on the floor.  So now I am I had to replace it with old Jaria that my mom had, and the bar it short so I’m nervous this shot is just gonna get infected!!!!!!! The last piercing that I had never healed after two years (it was traumatic, I miss my snug piercing so bad) so I wasn’t even going to get a new piercing but I decided to anyways , and I thought a helix would be really easy to take care of and then this happens oh my God!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna KMS!!!!!!