#i wanna go back for the food tbh
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guys @downbadforpixels told me that skk would go to ikea and act like a divorced married couple, so you guys can have SOUKOKU IKEA SHENANIGANS
no cuz they would 100% use the fake bedroom setups to argue with each other like a married couple. chuuya would bring up dazai’s constant flirting with women, and dazai would muffle a giggle behind his hand, claiming that he simply “really admired women. truly. you don’t have to worry about me cheating on you, chibikko. if not me, who else would date you?” he knows full well about the number of people who would die to get into chuuya’s pants, but that’s left unsaid.
they would buy the blahajes (that’s the plural form because i said so) too !! dazai picked one up and squeezed it to his chest tightly, before turning to chuuya and giving him his puppy eyes. “no, we are not buying that,��� chuuya would reply sternly, and almost falter at the downcast expression on dazai’s face. but it’s ok, because when dazai comes home from work the next day, there would be a mountain of the shark plushies sitting on his bed waiting for him :)
they like to sit in the carts and ride around ikea too, by the way. dazai sticks his lanky legs out of the cart and he whoops as chuuya pushes him around the giant store, and their loud laughter and shouts attract the attention of many civilians. the workers try to get them to stop, but when they get one look from chuuya they immediately shrink away in fear before getting back to work, letting the redhead dote on his childish boyfriend.
dazai likes eating some of the food there too (totally not biased. shush.) ! chuuya complains that he get them much better food from much fancier places, but seeing his partner actually eat something for once puts him at ease, so he restrains most of his words for now.
they get ice cream on the car ride home, and they blast taylor swift in the car <3
#lei writes! ଘ(|lI.‸.)#they would buy that djungelskog for atsushi too :D#atsushi is so confused but so happy because poor boy has never gotten a soft toy in his life#ok on a side note the ikea meatballs are amazing with the gravy#the food there is just good for some reason#the queues are just annoyingly long#speaking of which i haven't gone to ikea for a long time now...#i wanna go back for the food tbh#the meatballs are just rlly good don't judge me#bungou stray dogs#bsd#dazai#chuuya#soukoku#dazai x chuuya#ikea
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☕️🫧
#im gonna meet up my old friend today.... :////#like we havent seen eo in 7/8yrs??#and its not like we just drifted apart it ended not so great#i just have lots of anxiety surrounding him and also stuff that he reminds me of#so im feeling very anxious.....#he hasnt replied yet to like confirm confirm so a small part of me is like#oh noooo i really dont hope he wont reply at all and then we have to change day 🤥#but yeah probably maybe im seeing him today#and we're going to a café (which... i do not like cafes. theyre overpriced. noisy. crowded.#u have to EAT infront of ppl 🤢#and yeah mostly i just have anxiety abt the price bc like i dont have money to spend on this stuff. i need it for groceries#but what am i supposed to say?? yeah no sorry im poor we will have to sit on a bench in the rain#i hate spending that much money on smth food wise that isnt even gonna taste good and im just gonna sit there and be uncomfortable#but it's just one time i guess.....)#and it's like wth am i supposed to talk abt with him?????#it's so weird to think that years ago we used to go to cafes and mcdonalds and stores and shops all the time#no problem. no issue. we used to talk for hours and hours#we have so many pics together.. we have gone on so many walks#but now it's just like... not the same anymore#i lowkey think that u arent reallyyyy supposed to drag all of this up. and it's better to just let some ppl be of the past#tbh i have no idea why im doing this 💀#but its too late to back out now bc avpd wise im mostly worried abt how i can be judged#so if i cancel now he will think im unreliable and annoying and all of that#ughhhh im so anxious i dont wanna do this !!!!#but he just replied and said meet u there so 🙃🙃🙃#like genuinely i have so much anxiety i dont wanna
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🤪🫠😛😅
#I’m like mostly recovered tbh but the irreversible physical changes of weight gain are triggering the fuck out of me rn#and it’s worse bc I know they’re in large part due to [redacted] and it’s like my fault pretty much so I got no one else to blame! 🤡#and knowing that every day I get older and every day it gets that much harder to lose the weight again bc that’s just what bodies do#I wanna d*e like. knowing I’ll never look the way I did before even if I never eat another morsel of food ever again#I know I don’t wanna go back to the way I felt and behaved when I did look ‘good’ like that but just. idk something about knowing I can’t g#*get that back no matter how hard I might theoretically try to in the future. I will always look inferior to that now#helpppppppp I’m just so [redacted lest I get the cops called on me]#ed tw
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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Anyone have any easy (cheap) dinners when you feel like shit and don’t want to do anything?
#I was hanging out with a friend for a bit#and I was doing fine#but then for some fucking reason once we parted ways my mood just DIPPED#so so so soooOooOoo duuuumb#anyway#trying to figure out some sort of easy cheap dinner that I can make#I really don’t want to go out again#(1-nothing sounds good 2-I’m broke and feel like I’m wasting money and 3-don’t wanna go by myself lol)#depression is kicking my ASS lately#and I’m trying to fight back by making food or doing something good for myself#but everything seems to be in my way#gotta figure out something to make then I usually get decision fatigue cause wtf#also literally nothing sounds good anymore I’m just sick of food tbh#then I gotta go shopping for shit cause we have nothing at my place#which is going to take all the little energy I have#and I’m not going to have any energy to actually cook#cause even if I do cook I’m gonna have to clean up and do dishes after#and like???????#how do people do this on a regular basis#I’m having trouble just surviving and people are cooking and taking care of themselves just fine#rant over#probably will end up just saying fuck it and getting something to eat out….. again 🙃#shut up rosie
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The crochet journey is coming along, this is supposed to be a scarf but im out of yarn as well as food so to be continued one day eventually
#personal#oh its a bad day today lads 🙃#im so huungryy FUCK#no yarn no food no will to live lately tbh i sure have been spending a lot of time sleeping#it worries me#art#crochet#skull art#skull#pattern is from karin kaufmann on ravelry#ravelry#im finally on ravelry guys look at me go ive only been into yarn crafts for 5 or 6 years now 🙄#oof i wanna die ima see if scoots moved into my island yet and then go back to sleep again#cant do literally anything else so sure lets go for yet another nap
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handsome theys should have an allowance to pay rent in a spacious luminous apartment and furnish it to its coziest, comfiest potential and then giving their lovers a nice break from real life by cooking them a nutritious and delicious meal and then giving them a good night’s sleep on the comfiest bed and giving them head until they can’t take it anymore
#if you can walk when i’m done with you i’m going back at it#honestly i just wanna learn all my lovers’ favorite meals#i want my ppl to know they can come over anytime and i’ll have warm plate of food for them#want my ppl to look forwards to coming over bc they know they’ll be taken care of#just wanna dote on everyone tbh#friends and lovers alike#like oh you feel trapped in your apartment and want to crash somewhere for a few days for a change of scenery?#i got you#etc#Anyways
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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I think going on a camping trip in the mountains would heal me, actually
#my middle and high school had yearly backpack trips in the mountains#and omg I used to hate them so much#like not at the beginning but as I went on more of them#but tbh that was 90% bc we were forced to eat oatmeal every morning and that is like one of the worst sensory foods for me ever#like I used to think I just disliked the hiking and the camping#but nah looking back it was 100% just the school's fault lmao#but anyway now it's been like 4 years since I've gone camping in the mountains#and I wanna go backkk#stella rambles
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some massive truck almost hit me on my commute and my heart is still pounding but now I still have a full 8hr work day I'm expected to be productive in
#and all i have for food is a salad :( the world is cruel#no amount of coffee will fix this#i just wanna go home but tbh the idea of getting back in my car to drive home has me shaking
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🍽️😔🎻
#soo blah blah need to vent again abt my health issue situation 💀#yuh so like im so sick nd tired of whats going on. nd not being able to just eat whatever i feel like whenever#it's emotionall draining tbh. im always thinking abt what i could maybe try nd im always like ohh gotta make sure the portion is small etc#it's annoying me sm bc i can def feel the effects of me not getting the right nd enough nutrients nd vitamins etc etc#i get dizzy nd my vision is hazy sometimes. nd im like forgetful bc the other the when i walked home i kept getting lost nd had to walk back#nd forth several times nd i was like ?!?!? what?! i've lived here for 25yrs nd now i just cannot for the life of me rmbr the way#also i am so weak in my body. like carrying even a small amound or books nd groceries nd walking for 30min makes me exhausted#my legs are actually shaking when i get back home nd every step feels like im walking in cement#plus i just wanna be able to go to the gym nd build muscle. but if i dont get enough protein in me i cant build muscles T-T#what else... yeah also i do miss food bc of comfort. like my coffee + chcolate everyday makes me genuinely happy lmao#but i just want the food situation to be normal bc even w veggies im like oh no that is too gas building that is too hard to digest etc etc#it's mentally gruelling to not know how tf to get all the important nutrients!! i def have several deficiences lmao :((#im so over it. but theres nothing i can do. i wish i could just not think abt it 24/7 tho#also. im the thinnest i've ever been BUT. i am constantly bloated so i look fkn pregnant. so i cant even enjoy looking the skinnier
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...
#bluh. its been a long week and its not over bc i have to get this fucking manuscript done like fucking this weekend#and Sunday i have to go do fieldwork and then its Monday hhhhh#my boss: the meme of the week is productive women get shit done#and im like being called a woman in stem kills me a little more every time i hear it bleh im just trying to live my life#and by live i mean drain away all my time in the lab. uuuuh i need to rewrite these fucking methods and dun wanna#also fucking the coordinator lady who bought my plane ticket to visit one of my potential schools made it so that im gonna have to drive to#the airport at like 4am and then ill get back to my apartment at after 12am on the return. like i said my time was flexible but wtf lady?#its prob bc they were expensive tickets bc the fucking military#ugh. and the other school is like select 3 profs to meet with. and im like wtf y do i have to? if its just screening stuff y dont u just#assign it? i dont understand hhhh i dont wanna talk to them. i fucking dunno. at least i made it to the interview stage i guess#also also i was running today and randomly remembered that over the break my old bat of a nana was being stingy abt#money bc she said she was gonna give out inherentence to her kids while still alive so they would still be young enough to enjoy it#and my dad and uncle could retire a lil early and still pay for insurance and now shes going back on that bc she doesnt want taxes to go to#the government and my papa is like 85 and hes gotta b nearing deaths door and he cant reel her in anymore#anyway. point is she was talking to my uncle abt her reasons for keeping the money and she was talking shit on my mom for like the way she#spends money. like my mom has cancer u old fucking bitch. shes trying to enjoy her life a little before shes like dead or bedridden#shes also made comments abt my moms weight and like wtf lady she has cancer. shes had multiple abdominal surgeries she had a hernia for#like a real long time sorry shes not spending all her time exercising and eating tasteless healthy food like u#anyway i just think my nana is a bad person. so is my other grandma tbh my sister gets so pissed at her for ordering my mom around#like she treats her dog better than she ever did her kids. lol my grandparents just suck on both sides#and like everytime my parents r like go do things for ur grandparents im like fucking y? they're bad ppl#i dont kno how my parents r so normal#anyway wtf was i doing... ah right procrastinating#unrelated#srry for lack of drawings. just zero time 🫠#i lov my mum so much. she doesnt deserve any of this bullshit
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Bombed the oral exam besties
#it was humilliating n its just the 2nd out of 6#i passed#bc my prof wasnt holding anyone back i mean its last semester#but it was embarrasing i went out to dry heave on the bathroom or wtv when u have no food in ur stomach#had to go back to my stuff up#pathetic no one of my classmates said anything im just not approachable i guess i just went out w the most neutral face i could#my friends go first bc its a list by name so they were all already home i was so alone n miserable#i ddidnt want to cook for myself either so i bought a subway n i dont wanna go home tbh#but i need to sleep#n my brother has his prom or wtv#its a family+class thing so im going but i v definetly wanna die#i wont leave him alone bc i had a bad academic day tho mayb ill feel better when i talk to him
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Virgo, Sagittarius, 2H 😊
virgo ⇢ do you consider yourself a perfectionist?
Lol yes
sagittarius ⇢ what places would you like to travel in the future?
Omg literally everywhere
2H ⇢ do you have any object that you like a little too much? what is it and why?
To be honest I can’t think of anything right away?
#lol do I think I’m a perfectionist?#that has to be a trick question right hahahaha#my Etsy name is literally Perfectionyx playing off of me being such a perfectionist hahaha#I’ve lost so many paintings and artwork because something wasn’t ‘perfect’ and I tried to fix it and completely fucked it up#I wanna travel so fucking badly#I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately#actually my parents and my brothers family are going to disney originally cause of work but they’re going for fun too#and I’m so so so happy for them#my parents especially deserve to travel and get out and have some fun#I’m trying to figure out a way for me to go too but idk man#traveling is just SO expensive#not even just the plane ticket but then the hotel room and food and stuff#so I don’t think I’ll be able to join unfortunately#but it’s been making me think about traveling a lot more than usual#I always think about it tbh like whenever i see a plane in the sky or something#but now I’m thinking about it every single day#how badly I want to travel and see the world#i want to go back to Europe some day I was super fortunate to be able to go in high school#but I want to go back and be able to do my own thing#also want to go to Greece one day and maybe meet any family I have there#just to name a few places#but honestly anywhere#I want to get out of my little bubble and actually see places and meet people#idk hopefully one day#as for an object?#I have plenty of sentimental things that I hold on to and treasure#but I can’t think to anything that I like a little too much tbh#I have this tiny little snowman figurine that I set out every year around the holiday time#and he makes me happy 💖#I’m running out of space but thank you for the questions lovely 😘
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💭
#still on vacation for thanksgiving/I put the queue back to 40 posts a day#hhh first half of this little vacation was absolutely fucking horrible 🙃 I genuinely don’t ever wanna vacation with my parents ever again#they always talk about all of the fun stuff we can do and then immediately ruin everything with some bullshit#first night here/my mom threw up cuz she ate food too fast/her high blood pressure/elevation change#then my brother’s asthma fucked him up and he and my dad left back home early#and cuz my brother was coughing a lot and had phlegm/congestion… we didn’t go out a lot#my parents always disappoint me… they don’t care/love me… they treat my brother better#anyways… I spent a whole 24 hrs catching up/texting my guy friend from college a day or so ago#it was nice talking to him again/ just like how it used to be in college before the pandemic started#but also tbh…… I’ve been like… ‘in the mood’ lately since talking to him 👀#like I’ve had a bit of a crush on him for a bit in college but I wouldn’t be in a relationship with him#but in college/if the moment came by then I wouldn’t of mind having my first time with him cuz I do trust him#HHHHH and I haven’t stopped thinking about that one guy I went to high school & college with but only have like 1 conversation ever with him#HHHH god he’s cute and he’s tall and also latino and he has his own business that he followed me back on#ok time to stop ranting and shut up now/it’s almost time for thanksgiving dinner here for me and my family#squid sister says stuff
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