#i usually take a whole week and i only took 6 days this time!! :3

[homosexualcitron]

I'm almost done with the first episode of the current chapter i'm working on and wooehhh it's going so well for now.. i usually struggle to draw the first few episodes but this one went rly well

[sweetyyhippyy]

Through the Radio. Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader. *ANGST*

Summary: Eddie's girlfriend is still grieving the loss of him after almost a whole year. Little does she know, he's still alive.

Word Count: 2k

TW: Death. Grieving. Mentions of sex (no details).

Note: I know that talking through the radio isn't how it worked on the show, but this is my story and I wanted it to work this way 🤣🤣

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This would have been the first time she had went to Lover‘s Lake without Eddie in tow.

She parked her car, far away from everyone else that was there. She sat in the driver side with the car idled while a mixed tape that Eddie had made for her months before his death playing softly in the back, staring at the full moon that was right in front of her window.

Some days were better than others for her grief. Only crying 3 times on a good day before noon, rather than her usual 5 or 6 by then. Today was an even worse day.

She decided with the rough day that she had; to go to the lake, somewhere that her and Eddie would frequent to just get away from the noise of their homes. It was the one place that she felt like she was still connected to him.

For the first night in almost a week, the skies were clear from the nighttime storms that were happening. All you could see was the twinkling stars in the sky and the moon lighting up the sky.

Going out to the lake on nights similar to this was their favorite type of date. Where all you could hear were the crickets chirping in the distance, and the calming sounds of the lake.

They both loved laying in the back of Eddie’s van with the back doors opened, laying on the makeshift bed that Eddie had set up with a collection of warm blankets and a ton of pillows for them. Music would be playing softly in the back, that way they could both still hear each other talking when they didn’t have their lips pressed against each other’s.

She couldn’t help but replay the night she lost Eddie in her mind over and over again on her bad days. She couldn’t help but think about everything she could have done differently, the biggest thing: not going with Steve, Robin, and Nancy to the Creel house to take down Vecna. In her mind, she had convinced herself that if she was with Eddie and Dustin instead, that Eddie would still be alive.

Of course everyone said that there was nothing she could have done to help save Eddie, but they had to say that to keep her from completely losing her mind.

For almost a whole month after the night in the upside down, she didn’t speak to Steve, still hurt that he was the one that dragged her away from Eddie’s lifeless body, not budging while she tried to wiggle out of his arms and run back to him.

She begged Steve to at least take him back with the group, but nobody was strong enough to lift him up through the gate, especially with Dustin being injured. Steve had to snap at her, telling her that it wasn’t going to happen.

He took it while she screamed, cursed, and hit him. Steve knew that at some point she would get over it, and that she was doing it because she was sad and angry, he never took her words to heart.

She felt such guilt leaving him there, especially when she had to tell Eddie’s uncle that he was gone, and that he couldn’t even tell his nephew goodbye properly because “they couldn’t find his body” after the earthquake.

The beginning of the song “The Ocean” by Led Zeppelin snapped her out of her thoughts, making her aware of her thoughts, and just how loud they were. Her already sore eyes were filled with tears, all of them rolling down her cheeks as she finally blinked.

“Shit, Eddie… It’s real bad today. Everything I see reminds me of you. And it hurts worse to be constantly reminded that you’re really gone than it was to lose you to begin with.” She says to nobody, just venting her feelings out into space.

“You would be so mad at me, but I can’t help but wish that it was me instead.” Her whole body shook as she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. “I just wish you were here. I can’t do this anymore.”

Eddie could hear her clear as day from the other side, his own heart aching at the hurt in her voice while she called out for him. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to lie to her and pretend to be dead, but it was what was best for himself, just until his name could be cleared for Chrissy’s murder, Dustin said that he would make sure it happened.

Almost a whole year had passed, and he was still stuck in the darkness that was the upside down, still healing from almost being ripped to shreds by the demonic bats that inhabited the other world.

Dustin found a way to come visit Eddie so he wasn’t completely alone all the time, keeping him up to date on music and whatever else that he was missing in the real world. Every single time, Eddie would ask how his girl was doing, even though he already knew how she was doing.

“I just need to find a way for her to know I’m still here. You know how many times she’s changed the lightbulbs around her place because she thinks they’re going out? It’s not doing anything, man.” Eddie explained to Dustin on one of the nights he came to visit, bringing him some food, and some more clothes.

“She can’t know too much. You were the one that wanted it to be this way.”

“Yeah, I wanted it to be this way, but only because you said you could get my name cleared, Henderson. I wasn’t planning on staying in this hell hole my whole life! I need to let her know. I can’t take hearing her in pain anymore.”

Dustin sighs, thinking of a way he can still give Eddie both of the things he wants. “You’re going to have to play ghost.”

“What? I’m not actually dead, Henderson. What do you mean, play ghost?”

“It’s like when we talked to each other through the lite brite when all of you went through water gate. But instead of the light, you communicate with her through her radio at home. You have to go to her house here, and then talk to her through the stations.”

As much as he wanted to be with her through her tough thoughts, he needed to trek his way through the upside down to her house in order to “talk” to her tonight.

Even with the darkness and all the vines that were covering the “upside down” version of her room, Eddie still felt happy just standing somewhere he hadn’t been in a while. He missed the baby pink walls, the cute little stuffed animal corner she had, and that he added to when they were together, and the posters of Eddie Van Halen and Rob Lowe that were taped to her wall.

Eddie found the radio that sat on the nightstand next to her bed, brushing off the weird dust particles that covered it. He knew that as soon as she got home, she would turn it on, giving him the power to “talk” to her from where he was.

She flicks the light on to her room, tossing her jacket on her desk, taking a deep sigh as she stares at her empty bed. Sleeping alone was yet just another thing that she hated doing now, no fighting with Eddie over the blankets, pushing his face the opposite way because of his incessant snoring, or his warm cuddles in the middle of the night.

With another sigh, she turns the lights off, shedding out of her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor while she grabs a shirt from her closet and slipping it on, climbing into her bed.

As soon as her bare legs touch the cool sheets, she feels the tears come back.

“Fuck, stop it.” She whispers to herself. She sniffles as she reaches over, turning her radio on to listen to some music to help her go to sleep.

Of course all that was playing on her favorite station were commercials, but she just drowned them out while she hugged the pillow that was pressed against her torso, tight. She stared into the darkness of her room, only a little bit of moonlight coming in from the window across from her bed illuminated her room enough for her to makeout shadows of things.

Out of nowhere, the radio goes to static, making her jump slightly.

“Ugh, piece of shit.” She curses under her breath, sitting up to reach for the radio to turn it off.

Before she has the chance, the radio jumps into a song, one that had emotional ties to her and Eddie of course.

As cheesy as it was, her first time with Eddie was to “Home Sweet Home” by Motley Crue. It was truly one of those heat of the moment type moments for them, neither of them planning on anything happening when the night first started.

She couldn’t help but smile listening to the song, all of the memories of that night flooding back to her, and all of the nights afterward that they heard that song come on. One of them catching the other looking at the other with that hunger in their eyes before practically pouncing on the other.

Before the guitar solo, the static happens again, another song filling the room once the static stops.

She furrows her brows slightly, getting up from her bed to go turn her light on to see what was messing with her radio. As she gets up the sound happens again before settling on another station.

“What the fuck?” She gasps, turning the light on quickly.

Of course her first thought was a ghost, she had seen Poltergeist, she didn’t sleep for almost a week, but she had seen it.

“Unchained Melody” was playing in her room now, yet another song that had special meaning to her and Eddie.

Even though the song was old, it was one of her favorites, growing up listening to the song because of her parents.

It became another favorite of hers after Eddie, a little too high that night, grabbed her one night and slowed danced with her in the middle of her bedroom. It was a memory that would be engraved in her mind for the rest of her life.

Sure it was cheesy, but under his “tough metal head” persona he was a giant cheeseball.

The fucking universe had to be laughing at her playing this type of joke on her.

She walks up to the radio and goes to unplug it, but yet again, the channel changes. This time, the static doesn’t let up but a very faint voice echoes through her room.

Her body is frozen in her chair as she stares at her radio with fear in her eyes.

Even seeing all of the horror that was in the upside down wasn’t nearly as scary as what was happening in her bedroom.

“Can you hear me?” The voice calls out clearly. “Please tell me this worked.”

“What’s going on?” She mouths quietly.

“Sweetheart, please listen to me. I know this is crazy. Shit, please tell me you can hear me.”

There was no way that the voice she was hearing was Eddie’s. He was gone, she saw his lifeless body laying there as Steve dragged her away from him begging and screaming for him.

She was dreaming.

“Please say something, baby. Let me know you can hear me, please. Please.” The desperation in his voice was clear.

“Eddie?” She whispers softly at the radio, waiting for a response back as her eyes fill with tears. “Are you really there?” Her voice cracks.

“Holy shit, you can hear me. This worked!” He laughs from the other side of the speaker. “It’s me, baby.”

She sobs into her hands hearing his laugh, her heart beating out of her chest. “How? How are you talking to me? Where are you? You died, I-I-I saw you?”

“I have a lot of explaining to do and I know you’re going to be upset with me. Just please don’t turn the radio off, okay? Promise me?”

“I promise. Tell me everything, Eddie please.”

[persevereforahappyending]

A Beacon in the Dark |6|

Pairing: Joey x Reader

Summary: Joey likes helping people, it's what she's best at. Hunting down the monsters of myth and legend might be the best way to save people.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.6k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Your eyes were closed, focusing on the music coming from your earbuds as you ran on the treadmill. You had been at it for a little while, there was a light coating of sweat across your body, though your heart rate remained steady, like usual. You needed to stay active but there were so many sights and sounds that tended to distract you, you found listening to music and closing your eyes during a workout was the best way for you to focus.

It had been a little over a week since your last mission and you had only seen Joey once since then. You only saw her because she insisted on returning the dress the next day. She had offered to drive out to you and though you didn’t need to go into the city you didn’t want her going out of her way just to return the dress. When you had picked it up, you had to come and go before Caleb got back, you had barely gotten to see Joey and despite Caleb not being home you waited in your Jeep and texted Joey when you were there.

You flinched, your eyes snapping open when you felt something brush against you. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you slowed to a stop, it was just Grace. When you had slowed your pace enough you jumped off the treadmill you popped out of your earbuds.

“Sorry,” Grace said. “I did try calling you.”

You looked down at the earbud in your hand before taking the other out as well. “Sorry,” you said. “I had the volume up today.”

“Something on your mind?” Grace tilted her head in a knowing way.

You gave a little shrug. “Just a lot happening lately.” It wasn’t a lie, adding Joey to the mix and then you almost dying on the mission was a lot to take.

You weren’t afraid of dying, that’s not something you had feared in a long time now. You didn’t dislike Joey either, you weren’t used to worrying about someone else, no one else besides Grace at least. Joey could hold her own, and you knew that, but you also knew she had a son, you made a vow to yourself that no matter what Joey would make it home to Caleb.

“What’s up?” You asked. “New case?”

“Potentially,” Grace sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Hard to say, there is weirdness.”

“There’s always weirdness when it comes to us.”

Grace chuckled and couldn’t help but nod. “Get cleaned up and meet me in the office.” You nodded, already headed out of the gym. “And I made breakfast.”

“You’re the best!”

You ran back up to your room, quickly tossing your workout clothes into the hamper before jumping in the shower. It took almost the whole week, but it finally didn’t feel like you were still scrubbing away succubus blood. You closed your eyes and tilted your head up towards the shower head. If running didn’t help calm you, then showering always did. You weren’t sure what it was about water raining down on your head that brought you peace like nothing else, it was the one time you could actually focus on calming yourself down or whatever it was you needed.

When you stepped out of the shower you were definitely refreshed. It wasn’t often Grace found a potential case right after finishing one up. There were countless horrors out there, countless rich people willing to sell their souls or sacrifice innocents to get more money and power. It still took time to investigate and confirm if something going on was supernatural bad or just normal rich douchebag bad.

As you made your way to Grace’s office you passed through the kitchen. Even though you were always hungry you were terrible at feeding yourself, but Grace always made sure you were well taken care of. The first time you didn’t eat for a whole day, and she found out she had scolded you and then forced you to sit at the kitchen counter as she prepared a meal, then watched you to make sure you ate it all. It was delicious and you had never made that mistake again, you had never felt more like a scolded puppy in that moment.

Your eyes lit up when you saw a stack of waffles and a side of syrup waiting for you. You grabbed the plate and made your way to Grace’s office, already grabbing a waffle and biting a chunk into it. You held the waffle in your mouth, opting to not set it back down on the stack, so you could turn the doorknob to the office.

“What we got?” You asked with your mouth full of waffle.

Grace looked up from the paper she was looking at. “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said.

You held in a huff but quickly swallowed the waffle. “What do we got?” You asked again. You sat the plate on the corner of her desk and ripped the remains of the waffle in half. You took one of the halves and dipped it into the syrup before shoving that into your mouth as well.

Grace rolled her eyes, but you knew she was totally use to your antics at this point. She got up from her chair and made her way over to the investigation board. You grabbed your plate of waffles and followed behind. The previous case about the succubus was completely cleared off, everything put together and filed away in a cabinet in the room. Grace never got rid of anything when investigating, one never knew what could be useful, so saving everything was the best solution. You also never knew if you would need to reference another case, or if a friend of someone you took care of would be coming for revenge.

Now the board was filled with new articles, all from the same town. Blurry images of something in the water were spread out in between articles. There were charts and weather patterns, info on the tides with dates printed in the corner of everything. “Mermaids?” You asked hopefully.

Grace let out a little chuckle, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. If you did nothing all day but make Grace smile, then you always considered it a successful day. Grace had definitely lightened up ever since she took you in, she was such a different person when you first met her. Of course, she had reasons for reacting the way she did when she first met you, you would never blame her for that, but she also had valid reasons for being so closed off before that. It took a long time to get to where the two of you were now, which was crazy to think about because there was no one you were more comfortable with, no one knew you like Grace did, there were times where you were sure she knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Sadly, I don’t think we’re that lucky,” Grace said. “I’m thinking it’s the other one.”

“Nessie?” Grace gave you an unamused look. “What? She could be real!” You tried defending yourself.

“The Loch Ness Monster isn’t real,” Grace glared at you. “I meant the other one that’s actually real.”

You grabbed another waffle, taking an aggressive bite as you pouted. When you first started working with Grace you tried so hard to prove Nessie was real but time and time again Grace proved that just was not the case.

“If it is one of them,” you said, finally done being childish, “what evidence do you have?”

“Boats going out to sea and never returning,” Grace said. “When the coast guard or whoever finally stumbles upon the boat, it’s completely empty, no crew insight, as if they just up and walked off.”

“Probably because they did,” you mumbled.

Grace nodded in agreement. “So far, all the reports have written the disappearance off.” She grabbed a stack of papers on the side table and began flipping through them. “Lost at sea, raided by pirates, and of course, if the ship was smashed against rocks, they just assumed the crew drowned.”

“How many?” You asked, taking the stack of papers when Grace held them out to you.

“Generally, two or three boats over a year.” You flipped through the papers as Grace talked, flipping sheet after sheet at the victims lost, pictures of ship wreckages from several vessels.

“And how many this year?” You flicked your gaze from the paper to Grace, you had a feeling you knew where this was going.

Grace sucked in a breath and met your gaze. “Twelve within the last month.” Your eyes widened. “I went back,” she walked across the room, grabbing a stack of folders off her desk, each folder a slightly different shade of yellow. “There’s a pattern.” You furrowed your brow as she came to stand at your side again. “There’s only two or three boats that go missing every year but every ten years, this time of year, that number skyrockets.”

You nodded, supernatural entities seemed to really love routines and keeping their patterns. It was never a good thing when the number of casualties shot up the same time of year over the course of several years, more often than not it usually meant human sacrifices. At least that’s what it seemed like in your experience.

“Shall I find us a boat?” You asked. You gave her your best innocent smile, she never let you pick out the vehicles, she said you always got something expensive and not needed.

“I already have one,” she said, making you frown. “And a captain.” You raised an eyebrow at that. It wasn’t often a captain familiar with the waters would agree to something like this. If the man was a local or had heard the stories at all he would refuse. “Everyone has a price.”

You couldn’t help but nod at that. Everything seemed to be about money and power. Grace used her fortune for good; to help people but how easily she could bribe someone was unsettling. You weren’t unsettled by her but the people she was paying, how easily they’d compromise their morals at time and time again for money.

“You can head out whenever, I just need to let the captain know what day and time,” Grace said. “We don’t know how many we’ll be dealing with, so we need make sure to prepare accordingly, I don’t want you out at sea with no way to fight back.”

You nodded, you were good to leave whenever, you had done it plenty of times but now you needed to consult Joey, she couldn’t just drop everything and run wherever with you. This also wasn’t a simple mission. The first one was relatively easy, despite you almost dying, it was mostly about investigating then finding and neutralizing the threat. This mission would be much different, it would just be the two of you out at sea, no one else around, besides the captain, and it would be all about you hunting down the threat. You had dealt with this kind of monster before though, no matter how often you thought you were the hunter you quickly learned they were watching you the second your boat entered their waters

“I’m going to call Joey,” you said. You stepped back, Grace already knew everything, it had nothing to do with privacy, you just didn’t want to be in Grace’s way as she continued to gather her files.

“What’s up?” Joey answered after a few rings. She sounded exhausted, you looked at your watch, making sure you weren’t calling at an unreasonable hour. You saw you were reaching her just before she would have been going to pick up Caleb from school.

“How do you feel about boats?” you asked, a smirk tugging at your lips.

There was a long pause on the other end, you knew you had Joey’s mind racing. “Well, I don’t get seasick,” Joey answered slowly. “If that’s what you’re asking.”

“Fantastic,” your smirked widened. “Cause we’re going after a siren.”

“You got to be fucking kidding me,” Joey mumbled.

You couldn’t help but chuckle, she really was getting thrown into the deep end at this point. “When?”

“They tend to strike when it’s dark,” you said. “Grace already found us a captain; we just need to let him know when we want to leave.”

There was a deep sigh on the other end of the line. As excited as you were, you knew you were asking a lot from Joey at the moment. It was the middle of the week, and she had her son to take care of.

“Let me make arrangements for Caleb if I’ll be gone all night, I’ll have him spend the night at a friends.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you whispered. You couldn’t help it, you knew it was part of the job, you knew she said she could find a sitter or someone to pick him up or take him to school if needed. You also knew she didn’t want that, she wanted to be there for her son, like she had to prove to him and herself that she was a capable parent.

“It’s fine,” Joey dismissed your apology and for once she didn’t seem annoyed by you. “I’ll call you back in a bit once I have an official answer.”

“Thank you.”

Right after you got off the phone with Joey you turned to Grace again only to see her watching you. “What?” you asked slowly. You couldn’t quite place the look on Grace’s face.

“You like her,” Grace said.

You chuckled and shook your head. “Of course I like her,” you shrugged. “She’s cool. We’re working together, it would be weird if I didn’t like her.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I barely know her,” you continued to try and deflect. “We haven’t even known her a month.” Grace watched you with a knowing look. Your eyes slowly drifted from Grace to the floor. “And she certainly doesn’t know me.”

You didn’t look up as you heard Grace cross the invisible threshold, so she was standing in front of you. “She can’t get to know you if you don’t let her.” Grace caressed your cheek and gently forced you to meet her eyes again.

You shook your head. “She wouldn’t like what she sees if she did.” If she got to know the real you, she would see you for what you really were, a monster. She deserved better than that. “I don’t want to mess this up, keeping things professional is still the best course.”

Grace let out a sigh, there wasn’t a lot you’d argue with Grace on, but this was the one thing you’d never waver on. It didn’t matter what she said, you knew what you were, what you would always be.

“She still deserves to know.”

“It would scare her off.”

“Don’t you think she deserves to form that opinion for herself?” Your eyes flicked down again; Joey definitely didn’t seem like the type to be okay with people deciding things for her. Joey liked to have all the information and then make a decision based on having all said information. “If you continue to work together, it’s only a matter of time before she finds out,” Grace said softly. Your eyes snapped to Grace, you knew she was right, the longer you worked together, the more you got caught in life and death situations, it was only a matter of time before she found out. “It would be better if she heard it from you, rather than finding out on her own.”

Taglist: @thinking1bee @so-to-aqui-pelas-fic @alexkolax @pianogirl2121 @thatshyboy1998

[beegalactica]

How I journaled every day in 2023, and you can too in 2024

I heard someone wants to become "that girl" in 2024...

Well, let me tell you, "that girl" is the type of babe who embodies consistency; consistency in her thoughts, feelings, words and actions. Now one of the ways I have personified this aura of consistency is through frequent inward reflection through journaling.

I know, we've heard it a million times now. And with the new year approaching, it's so easy to set the intention to journal every day and do it well. News flash, my love, you must do much more than just set the intention. Let me tell you how I did it so you can do the same ~

Equipment

Believe me, I've tried it all: countless notebooks, diaries, bullet journals, apps, all of it, but this past year, only one app *stuck* for me, and that is Notion. Whether you prefer to journal with a good old pen and paper, or even if you prefer to make a big Google document, go for it!

The reason I settled on Notion was its table view/ calendar view database features. I liked being able to add properties like what rating out of 5 I would give my day or being able to label whether I was on my period, or any major milestones. I found that these labels made it really fun to look back and laugh at all the crazy things that I came up with, and reminisce over those 5/5 star days when I really felt like that girl. (see example below)

What the hell do you write about?

"You can write about whatever you feel like!" is the usual response, and while that's great if you're anything like me, you'll need more detail than that. I opted for some classic prompts that I would simply respond to at the end of every day, but if you want to freestyle it, try some shadow work prompts, or even just sum up your day in one sentence, you are more than welcome to.

My prompts were:

1. Three wins of the day: 2. One thing I learned today: 3. One thing I will do tomorrow: 4. Am I worried about anything? 5. Favourite thing of my day: 6. Song of the day: 7. A story from today: 8. An affirmation for my mind to sleep on:

You don't have to write paragraphs upon paragraphs if you don't want to, and some days, it might be hard to even think of three wins, but an it girl can be present and celebrate the endless blessings in life, even when it seems like there are none.

How to be consistent?

Going back to the central theme of this post, consistency, it is important to acknowledge that no matter how pretty you make your journal, or how thought-provoking your prompts are, the most important thing is to actually do it.

Life is fluid, it's never going to be linear. Some days you'll feel amazing, gorgeous and ready to take on anything, but other days you'll just wish you were a flower instead that doesn't have to deal with anything. That's just life. Some days, the last thing on my mind was my silly little journal, but I knew it was something I needed to do for myself, so I took 2 minutes to write a few sentences down, even when I'd rather be doing other things.

How to maintain your consistency:

Set reminders - at the start of the year, I had 2 reminders every day to journal; after the first few months, I cut it down to just one at 9pm, and by the end of the year, I was just doing it because it had become a routine for me.

Reward yourself - at first, you'll just be able to say you journaled for 1 day, then it will be 2 days, then slowly up to 1 week, 1 month, and soon you'll be like me, bragging about how you did it for a whole year! It's an accomplishment! Never lose sight of that.

Be kind to yourself - ultimately, this should be something you do for you and you only, so if you miss a day, it's not the end of the world. Every now and then, I didn't journal for a day - maybe I was too busy, or just exhausted by the time my day was over - so I accepted it and caught up first thing the next day. You make your own rules.

JUST START!!!!!!! - do it! Even if you mess up, start again and again and again! Nothing changes if nothing changes.

What's the point?

You've read this far, and you may be wondering, what's the point of journaling?

Well, I can confidently say that journaling changed my outlook on life immensely. 2023 was the best year I've had so far. Yes, there were setbacks: I lost friends that I thought would have forever, I struggled with my mental and physical health, and I reached points where I thought I was too low to get back up. But recording little bits about my day every day showed me, with actual tangible proof, that I will always get back up. I also had some amazing moments this year: I started a whole new school and era of my life, I made amazing friends, I fell in love with myself again and I found my voice.

Journaling has helped me to see the little positives in everyday life. Even when a situation seemed absolutely awful and I thought that I could never recover from it, I developed the mindset that not only could I recover, but I would absolutely recover. This new mindset helped me to laugh at myself in moments when a previous version of me would've shrivelled up into a ball and disappeared from the outside world.

Looking back over my life these past 365 days has helped me cultivate a new outlook on life, where I don't see setbacks as obstacles or barriers to my success, but as little stories to journal and laugh about when I inevitably overcome them. If that isn't the most it girl attitude to have, then I don't know what else is!

Journaling changed my life, and I hope that it can change yours too! Happy 2024! 🎀

[littlebumblebeesstuff]

Baby Steps

Prompt: First time regressing with Rosalie and Emmet.

Notes: GN!Reader. Mentions of pull-ups. Fluff and Angst

Rosalie and Emmet would be the first to admit that they were desperate for a child. Despite knowing that it wasn’t possible, they still yearned for a baby.

During an attempt to curve this need, they stumbled upon age regression.

Suddenly, it felt like all their problems could be solved.

An adult human, who would regress to being little… if all went well the couple could turn their little and keep them forever!

And that is where you came into their lives.

It had taken years for them to find you, as they were confined to Forks. But when you came over as a transfer student, Edward was able to identify you easily; your worries about slipping and regressing on your first day practically screaming over the others thoughts.

Rosalie worked hard to gain your trust as a friend, and then as a lover to her and Emmet. They were never sexual with you, not that you cared.

They spent time with you, helped you with your studies. Emmet loved to do things for you- in an attempt to get you to slip with them. He would say things like, “ahh-ah, let me get that for you baby. You are much too small” or “You sure you don’t want to snuggle up for a nap? You have been working so hard and your little eyes must be so tired”.

Rosalie was just as bad. Cupping your cheeks to pepper kisses over your face, buying water bottles with the pop up straws for you to drink from - they were so similar to your sippy cups. She would spoil you with cute outfits and loved to dress you up so you could show Emmett.

The rest of the Cullens didn’t seem to care about what Rosalie and Emmet were doing. Alice had whispered assurances to the couple when they felt like things weren’t going to plan. Jasper actually didn’t mind spending time with you, but only really did it when you were working on your maths work. Carlisle and Esme always doted on you, and welcomed you with open arms.

In fact, it was Carlisle who introduced Rosalie and Emmett into the world of being a Caregiver to an age regressor.

It took 4 months into the relationship for you to slip with Rosalie and Emmett, and it was completely accidental.

The others had gone off to visit their friends up North, leaving Rosalie and Emmett with an empty house for the week.

You went over on the Friday, with plans to stay the whole week. On Saturday morning, you woke up between Rosalie and Emmett. You were in your fluffy pyjamas, a must have to keep you warm because they were cold.

There was a little nagging voice at the back of your head as you nuzzled into Emmetts chest, whining softly as you woke up.

Immediately, strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you close and a nose presses into your hair.

“Morning little bubba, you sleep ok?” Emmetts rumbling voice quickly soothed that nagging voice and you let out a little babble in response.

Usually you woke up quickly, turning to lie on your chest so you could see both of them- so this automatically caught their attention and the two vampires shared an excited look.

“Is our little darling still sleepy?” Rosalie asked softly, pressing herself to your back as she tucks some loose strands of hair behind your ear.

You just hum softly, struggling to wake up. You often regressed between the ages of 3-6, but sometimes you could be as little as 1, where all you wanted was to be held.

Still being so sleepy, you missed the conversation happening over your head.

“Rose, I think we should put our little one in a pull up. I’m not sure how old they are feeling”

Emmett muttered, holding you close as Rosalie nodded in agreement.

“I know our little one is usually no younger than 3 when we watch them at nights- but I think they are feeling very little today”

Rosalie pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Go make a bottle, I will get them changed”

Rosalie and Emmett share a quick kiss before Rosalie takes you in her arms and steps into the normally locked side room that they had turned into a nursery for this exact moment.

You whine a little and babble softly as Rosalie carries you through, setting you down on the changing mat.

She hums softly, keeping you calm and settled as she starts to undress you. The pyjama trousers come off easily but there is a bit of wiggle needed to get the top off.

Before long Rosalie pulls a pull-up over your legs and smoothes the band as it settles in place, making sure it fits properly. After that, she takes out a Winnie the Pooh onesie, with the feet and hands covered so that you don’t accidentally scratch yourself.

“Such a good little baby, hmm? Let’s get some warm milk to fill that little tummy. Then you can cuddle with us all day”

Rosalie gets a blanket and wraps it around you, making sure to swaddle you tightly. Once you are swaddled and cozy, Rosalie takes you into her arms again, rubbing a hand over your back as she carries you downstairs.

Emmett is waiting with a bright smile, bottle in his hand as he waits for Rosalie to come down with you.

“Look at you! A cozy little bubba”. Emmet smiles as he takes a seat and takes you from Rosalie’s arms and wrapped an arm around your blanketed body, leaning you into him as he brought the bottle of warm milk to your lips.

The warm milk filling your belly brought your mind into focus, and your breathing steadied with each sip.

Everything seemed to come crashing down.

Seeing your reflection in the mirror opposite the sofa with the Winnie the Pooh onesie on, the bottle that was in your mouth and the paci that is secured with a clip to your onesie. The feel of the pull-up….

You panicked.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you turn your head away from Emmett as he tried to feed you.

Before you could even take a breath to let out a cry, Emmett had you in his arms, standing up as he rocks you while shushing you.

“It’s ok bubba, daddy is right here. It’s all ok, I got you”

Usually his voice soothed you effortlessly, but now it just wound you up more. Hearing Emmett call himself ‘daddy’ had that nagging voice screaming in your head again.

They were going to hate you! They probably thought that you were weird!

“Baby? Little one, it’s ok. It’s ok. Me and Emmett understand that you are feeling little.”

Rosalie’s sweet voice fills your ears as she brushes away your tears with her thumbs.

“Me and Em are caregivers, darling. No need to be all upset, we aren’t going anywhere.”

With each word you start to calm down a little bit, understanding that they don’t think that you are weird.

“We have been wondering when you would mention it love bug, but waking up with you feeling oh so little was the best.” Emmett says with a smile, kissing your cheek.

“You seemed very little this morning baby, so we just wanted you to feel safe and comfortable. We’re sorry if-“

“Em, our little one isn’t big enough for a complicated discussion like that.” Rosalie chided gently.

“Let’s wash your pretty little face, and then we can make another bottle and put a movie on, how does that sound darling?”

You blink at Rosalie, trying to figure out how to say what you were feeling, but she was right. You were too little to express that. Instead, you nod your head, tucking it back under Emmetts chin as he chuckles and rubs your back soothingly.

Emmett takes you to their bathroom and gently washes your face with a washcloth, making funny faces in an attempt to get you to laugh.

Only after you had spent a minute or so giggling did he take you back down stairs where Rosalie had your new bottle of warm milk.

They sat on the large sofa, Rosalie tucked into Emmetts side as his arm slung around her shoulder, his gaze fixed on you as Rosalie gave you your bottle, smiling again you as you drank it.

Before long your tummy was full of warm milk and your eyes felt heavy. You were now sucking on the nub of the empty bottle and Rosalie pulled it away and replaced it with your paci- soothing you before you could even whine.

You fell asleep like that, in Rosalie’s arms. Curled up and softly sucking on your paci, all the big emotions from earlier leaving you exhausted in the arms of your mama and daddy.

Rosalie and Emmett finally felt complete. They finally had their little one, and God help anyone who tries to hurt you.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Sabezra Week, Day 3, "Surprise!" SURPRISE CHAPTER UPDATE!!!!!

summary: sabine and ezra finally share their first kiss. unfortunately, it’s on a broadcast to every rebel cell in the galaxy. chapter word count: 1239 a/n: i decided there was no better way to celebrate "surprise" day in sabezra week than with a surprise chapter update on a sabezra fic i haven't updated since may! shoutout to the friendly and remarkable @kanerallels for betaing! taglist: @laughingphoenixleader@accidental-spice@kanerallels  @piraterefrigerator @jedi-nurse@dootchster  @lucasbridger@redroverrider  @light-umbra   @commander-tech  @jedimandalorian@notanodinarygirl  {if you’d like to be added to or removed from my Sabezra taglist, let me know!}

also on ao3!

Ch. 3 Sabine Thinks She Has Some Of The Worst Friends In The Galaxy

 The Ghost crew had stood by each other in everything, through great triumphs, devastating losses, glorious victories, crushing failures, and ground-breaking successes. The Spectres were more than just a crew, they were a family, a team that always had each other's backs, no matter what.

 So, naturally, when a personal moment between Spectres 5 and 6 was broadcast to every cell in the rebellion, the only natural response from Spectres 3 and 4 was to take advantage of the situation and make things so much worse.

 Over the years, Sabine and Chopper had grown a mutual understanding of each other, a level not only of respect, but, when they had a common enemy, camaraderie. Sabine still hadn't learned binary, but she could usually understand what the astromech was saying anyways, often simply based on inflection and context. That especially rang true now as he rolled up to her and Ezra and beeped along to the tune of a familiar schoolyard taunt, something about her and Ezra, and a Veshok tree, and "Krill-Isk-Senth-Senth-Isk-Nern-Grek."

 Sabine rolled her eyes and sighed, trying to act like Chopper's teasing was childish and pathetic and not like it took great effort on her part to bring to mind that punching the droid in the sensors would do her absolutely no good.

 "I'm a mature adult now," Sabine reminded herself, "childish taunts don't have the same effect they used to. I don't need to be embarrassed that I just kissed my best friend, and that I really enjoyed it, and that, should such an opportunity present itself again...."

 Lest her expression betray her, she cut off that train of thought.

 Her one consolation right now was that at least she was handling the whole ordeal much better than Ezra. His cheeks were flushed with a magnificent sunrise of color as Chopper wheeled back around to him, followed by Zeb giving him a pat on the back that almost knocked him over.

 She quickly turned away from Ezra, afraid that the awkward smile on his face would soon be reflected by one of her own. 

 "Play it cool," she told herself, "play it cool."

 Fortunately, at this point, all of the speeches had been concluded, and the prospect of refreshments being served in the square was apparently more interesting to the crowd gathered below than futile attempts to catch a glimpse at what was surely the hottest rebellion gossip happening on the balcony overhead.

 Which meant that, as the rest of the important rebellion heroes funneled back through the door, Sabine could make her escape and hopefully shut out all interested parties for the next three days or until this whole thing blew over, whichever came last.

 Unfortunately, the most interested party in the entire situation was Ezra, and, as luck would have it, they found themselves next to each other in the crowd.

 "So, Sabine," Ezra said.

 "Don't wanna talk about it now, Bridger," Sabine cut him off. It wasn't that she didn't want to discuss the matter with him, really. Ezra was the first person she wanted to talk to about what was on her mind. It just happened that this time he was also the last person she wanted to talk to about it. She needed time to figure her emotions out for herself, first.

 "Later, then?" Ezra asked.

 "Maybe," Sabine shrugged.

 That "maybe" should've been a "yes," or a "sure," or a "definitely," but "maybe" was easier to say. It was harder. It was stronger. It was safer. Her jaded response was an armor unto itself.

 But since when had she needed armor around Ezra? When was the last time she felt like she needed to keep her guard up around him? His compassion and wit had spent the better half of a decade wearing away at her rough exterior, until somehow she finally felt safe around him.

 Why didn't she feel safe now?

🧡.📱.💜

 Sabine missed when she was a social outcast. It certainly would've made situations like this a lot easier. She wouldn't be obligated to mingle with anyone right now if they all still hated her like they used to.

 Instead, now she had to smile and nod and thank seven dozen people for thanking her for her service to the galaxy, all the while knowing that behind their smiles was the memory of the not-so-private moment she and Ezra had shared. Most of the people in attendance didn't know Sabine well enough to broach the subject with her, of course, but there were a few notable exceptions.

 "You didn't mention there was anything between you and the Loth Rat," Ketsu said, leaning on Sabine's shoulder like an arm rest.

 "It's a recent development," Sabine said, looking away and trying to sound disinterested.

 "Well, don't look now, 'cause here he comes," Ketsu said.

 Sabine looked up and saw Ezra in the distance, shoving something into his pocket. He seemed upset, but when he looked up at her, a smile washed over his face.

 "Oh no," Sabine said, "I'm not talking to him about it yet."

 "Really?" Ketsu asked. "I'd've thought you would've gotten it over with and turned him down already."

 "Why would I do that?" Sabine asked, turning to give her friend the full face of the mandalorian rage coursing her veins, "he's a great guy, and a good friend, and he's funny and cute and kind and…."

 Sabine stopped talking when she noticed the knowing twinkle in her friend's eye. Sure, Ezra was the resident Loth Rat, but Sabine had all too easily fallen for the bait in Ketsu's trap.

 "Looks like he's growing on you," Ketsu said, as she winked and walked away.

 Sabine looked back at Ezra and saw him walking closer, close enough that walking away would be a faux pas, yet still far enough that she had plenty of time to overthink her response as he approached.

 "Hey," Sabine said, as neutrally as she could manage.

 "I know you don't want to talk about, well, you know," Ezra said, "but, uh, we're still chill to hang out, right?"

 "Uh, sure," Sabine said. Since making a slew of mistakes was pretty much keeping in theme with how the day was going, she decided not to waste time trying to stop herself from getting lost in his eyes, letting all the words those rich blue worlds said at once completely envelop her.

  "Good," Ezra said, and Sabine couldn't tell if he was even aware of the effect his tone and expression had on her in that moment, "because no matter what happens to us, I hope we never stop being friends."

 Sabine nodded, trying to find something to say that wasn't "I need you to kiss me again, right now," or anything along the same lines or even worse.

 "Yeah," Sabine smiled, despite her best effort, "me too."

 He opened his mouth as though to say something, but stopped himself, letting out a deep sigh as he did her a horrible favor and turned away from her, breaking the gaze they'd been locked in before either of them did something stupid again.

 "Glad to see we're still cool," Ezra said, scratching the back of his neck and turning away from her as he spoke.

 "Yeah," Sabine said.

 After a silence that was almost long enough to be awkward, Sabine walked away without another foolish word.

[rafyki]

Goth! Nico/ Surfer! Percy AU Part 6!

Sorry for the little wait, I couldn't find a moment to write lately o<-< good thing I had this half written already! Anyway, have some more Nico&Leo dynamics and some more pining - and also, I promise things are gonna move forward soon!! (but I needed more setup before our two boys finally start properly acting on their crush lmao)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

You can also read it on AO3!!

~~~~~~

Percy didn't come to the beach the next day, the day after that, and for the whole following week.

Nico wasn't sulking about it, he was not. Maybe panicking a little inside, questioning every single word they had said to each other and trying to find in them some hidden reason that would push Percy to never go back there and leave the country just to make sure he wouldn't see Nico again. 

But he wasn't sulking.

“Take that pouty look off your face, goth boy, you're gonna scare the customers away”.

“I’m not pouting”.

“You kind of are though”, Leo said. “Which is fair, I guess, you miss your surfer boy”.

Nico felt a blush coming up to his face at the same time of the familiar find annoyance he associated with no one but Leo.

“He's not my-”, he started, then stopped and took a deep breath. “I'm not pouting”, he just said again. “It's not like he lives on the beach, right, he must have a life outside of surfing”.

Maybe he was trying to convince himself more than Leo, but that didn't matter.

The way his eyes moved around scanning the beach was automatic, as was the sigh that escaped him. Maybe he was being silly, and a little pathetic - he knew that, but still couldn’t help the way his heart kept falling again and again, nor the way the empty chair before him (Percy’s chair) seemed to lay in wait just like Nico was.

He definitely needed to find some way to distract himself.

“Sure, which is why I told you to ask for his number”, Leo replied. “And if you had listened to my genius advice, maybe you could be texting him right now, instead of sulking and hoping he shows up”.

“Why are you even here, Leo?”, he said, ignoring Leo’s last words and trying instead to change the subject. “Jason’s not coming today, you know that”.

“Am I not allowed to visit a friend? My dear friend who’s pining and suffering and definitely needs my support?”, Leo said, accompanying his dramatic words with an overdramatic hand on his heart. 

Nico just rolled his eyes at him.

“I definitely don't”, he said, even though the truth was that he actually enjoyed the company. Leo’s presence was the only thing saving him from a long and lonely work day. “And non-shift days for Jason are usually when you have your dates”, he added.

“I knoow”, Leo said, a pout forming on his lips. “But Thalia came back yesterday, so today is their brother-and-sister date”.

“Ah, that’s right, Jason did mention that”.

“Can’t interfere with siblings time”.

“So you had nothing better to do today and came here”.

“I came here to save you from your loneliness, goth boy”, Leo said. “Also, I do enjoy your company”.

Nico smiled, and offered him ice cream as a silent thanks. 

“It reminds me of when it was the other way around and you helped me when I was pining for Jason”.

Nico made a face at the memory, then laughed. “Oh my god, you were terrible- absolutely pathetic”, he said. “Thank god you’re together now”.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m gonna say when you and your surfer boy will finally get together”.

Nico’s smile faltered, his heart jumping and then growing heavy at the words - like it couldn’t decide if he felt more pleased at the idea of it ever happening or more glum at the prospect of Percy never going back there.

Few long moments of silence followed, and Nico’s mind went back to the thoughts tormenting him.

And there was also something else, something that Nico was trying not to focus too much about. 

Leo looked at Nico in silence for a while, his cheek resting on the palm of his hand. Nico could almost see the gears turning in his head. “Are you worried about him?”

Nico looked away. He felt stupid thinking about it even more than he did when panicking and making everything probably bigger than it was. 

Logically speaking, it was unlikely that Percy would stop coming to the beach just because Nico was there - there wasn't really anything between them, after all and, from what Nico knew about him, the ocean and surfing were way too important for Percy to give up. 

But it had been a week, and Percy usually came at least two or three times a week, even just for an hour (Nico spent way too much time thinking about him and looking for him to not notice this) - yet, there the beach was, full of people but with no Percy in sight. Nico felt his heart fall again as he scanned the shore around him, looking for familiar black hair and beautiful eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if something had happened, if Percy was doing alright.

“You know he might just be busy”.

“I know”.

“So I think there's no reason for you to worry about him”.

Nico sighed. “I hate it when you make sense”, he said. “Jason is definitely rubbing off of you”.

“That's what love does to a man!”

Nico felt that now familiar pang of not-quite-jealousy as he looked at the smile growing on his friend's face. His eyes scanned the beach again as the thought of I want that too crossed his mind, side by side with the image of two sea-green eyes and a soft smile.

~~~

Nico didn’t expect anything to happen. He spent the whole day waiting and waiting in the hope of Percy showing up, his heart feeling heavier and heavier with every passing hour. 

The truth was that, simply put, he missed Percy - which was stupid and ridiculous, but Nico had been dying to talk to him again, to feel his eyes on himself again, to be on the receiving end of his smile, to get to know something more about him.

He’ll come back at some point, he told himself. Maybe. 

The sun was coming down, the sky colored a pretty shade of yellow and orange and red. The day had felt infinite, time dragging on and simply refusing to pass by, but Nico’s shift was finally almost over. He looked at his phone to check the time, wishing the next fifteen minutes would simply come to an end faster.

He cursed all the gods of all the pantheons ever existed when he saw someone sitting before him. God, how he hated when customers did that.

He forced his usual work smile on his lips and looked up. Then did a double take - the girl sitting in front of him looked strangely familiar, even though he was pretty sure he didn’t actually know her.

All the while taking her order (just a cold water bottle - who even came to a beach kiosk at that hour to ask for nothing but a water bottle?) Nico kept thinking and wondering; maybe she just came there often? But there was something about her that kept pulling at Nico’s memory.

It hit him at once when she was handing him the money to pay.

Ah, it was her. The girl who usually came to the beach with Percy. Nico felt his heart starting to beat faster at the realization.

Would it be weird to ask her about Percy?

Yes it would!, his mind yelled at him. 

But at the same time, every cell in his body was telling him that it didn’t matter, that this was too much of a lucky chance to just let it pass by.

Lost in his thoughts like that, he was definitely taking way more time than necessary to get her change.  

He was worried, he missed Percy so much it was frankly absurd. And he thought his friends would probably back him up in this

“Here”, he said, as he finally handed her her change.

She thanked him and went to turn around. “Uhm!”, Nico started before he could really think about it and stop himself. “Excuse me-”

She turned to look at him again. Was Nico imagining the weird look in her eyes? Yes, she was probably simply annoyed at being called back. “Yes?”

“Ah- sorry”, Nico said, feeling so incredibly stupid. Maybe he should just back out. But then he thought of the long day he had had and of the hole he had felt the whole time. He pushed the words out.

“Uhm, you’re a friend of Percy, right?”

“Yes”, the girl said, nodding. This time Nico was almost certain that there was a weird look in her eyes that he couldn’t exactly interpret - but she looked more curious than anything else, so he counted it as a sign he could go on.

“I just- I just noticed he hasn’t been coming here lately…?”, he said, trying and failing to will his heart to calm down a little. “... is he alright?”

“Oh yeah, he’s been talking about you!”, she replied. “He’s alright, he’s just out of town. He went to New York to visit his mum”.

“Ah, that’s good”. 

The relief was soon pushed aside when the words the girl had said finally hit him.

He’s been talking about you.

What?

He only vaguely registered the girl saying goodbye and waving at him before leaving.

Nico waved back, feeling numb. He hoped his expression wasn’t as dumbstruck as he felt.

He’s been talking about you.

Percy had been talking about him? Nico’s heart was playing athletics in his chest, the butterflies taking residence in his stomach were throwing the most chaotic party ever.

He’s been talking about you.

He put his face in his hands, hiding behind his palms the foolish happy smile that was growing on his lips.

Suddenly, the day didn’t feel as bad as before.

[rosedere]

Murder Mountain

(Yandere Azul ashengrotto x Afab reader x Jade leech)

Modern Au

TW: Dark Content, Attempted Murder, Harassment, Non Con/Rape.

Cross Posted on AO3.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 (you are here) END

Want more?- - -> Our spring secret (sequel)

I thought I had a happy life

And the city lights

Didn't bother me

Before I met you

You're always on the go

Don't you love me anymore

Please stay

-

When you arrived to work that next day the usual busy, chattering, environment was missing. No one would look at each other in the elevators nor in the breakroom, some just dilligently typing on their computers or carrying on with their job.

All of a sudden Floyd burst in the cubicle row you were working in informing you to all meet downstairs for a emergency meeting.

Everyone at work was informed via Floyd and Jade in the office courtyard about Azul’s Absence.

Finally someone asked if Azul was still alive.

It was definitely their attempt at damage control, dispelling the rumors the media had spread about Azul being hunted by a bear on the trail or that he had been attacked because of his status as CEO being the few you had seen on TV.

Your ears perked up as you looked at Jade who hesitated before explaining he was in a comatose state and at present, was unsure when he'd awaken, but he was mostly out of any life-threatening harm.

After the slew of questions about the future of the company Jade declared Floyd and him would be temporary acting in Azul’s absence along with rescheduling the retreat indefinitely until Azul came back.

Floyd would be the temporary assistant of finance and assistant director of the company; Jade, however, was to become the acting CEO of Mostro Inc.

You were relieved. Learning you would never see Azul again as long as you got your transfer started before Azul woke up from his coma, you could finally leave. You knew Jade would certainly help transfer knowing he most likely already had certain people he wanted lined up to take up positions in the company. Plus, your lover had already offered you an open position as finance director of Sugar Horned Devil.

Why wouldn't you accept freedom? You would be a higher position than you had in your whole career in Monstro inc.

After the meeting was dismissed, you eagerly went home to submit your notice for transfer as soon as possible, quickly typing the form you got the bright confirmation page. In 3-2 business days, it would take for you to be freed from this corporate hell.

Just a little longer..

As the days went on peacefully, you felt yourself being able to be happy, even engaging more often with your co-workers in the break room and chatting with your desk neighbors at your computers.

You guessed it was because, without Azul's overwhelming influence in the office, people were able to relax.

Especially with Floyd being in charge of the floor, everyone enjoyed his impulsive mood swings and chill demeanor. It felt like you fit in for once, having people ask for your opinions on how to do certain tasks or just to talk as friends.

You were becoming yourself again.

-

It's been 10 days.

You took the week off from work after an on-and-off stomach bug you got one morning a while back, your stomach becoming bloated and a bit, irregular feeling.

Assuming it was bad food the first few times you tried to power through work only for you to have only taken three steps into the lobby before you ran to the restroom to vomit for half of the morning in the lobby restroom.

Nothing was really helping with your stomach so you went to the doctor to get blood work and figure out what was causing your flu-like symptoms after numerous failed flu tests and anti nausea medicine you recieved.

The fear of this being the way you found out you had something dire like Cancer or a Gastrointestinal disease was all you could think as you checked your phone every other hour for any news about it.

Currently, you were lying in bed with the worst cramps and nausea youd had from all the days you had been sick; it was so bad you couldn't even brush your teeth without feeling like you were going to throw up.

Rolling to your side, hoping it would relieve you of vomiting, you heard the familiar ring of your phone, immediately making you perk up out of your stupor.

Your lover had texted you: They had asked you why you declined the position.

“What happened (Name)?”

Frowning, assuming you read it wrong and fighting the urge to spit the rising stomach acid and the overwhelming sense of wanting to vomit that had begun right away during the usual evening hours.

In confusion, you checked if your request was approved.

Previously, when you checked at the beginning of the day it showed pending…

“Declined by manual review??” You whispered to yourself reading the automated letter.

Maybe it was a mistake… you could have gotten lazy and left something crucial out of your application.

Dragging yourself to your computer, ignoring the onslaught of your usual symptoms of overwhelming fatigue. You sent the best short professional email to your higher-ups about your request to transfer.

Sending the email with the small chirp you were about to roll back to your blanket cocoon you were forming ontop your mattress.

Chirp!

Not even 15 minutes later, you received an email saying they had no control over it and instead told you to talk to Jade.

The acting CEO.

-

Jade

Knowing Jade had everything Azul didn't was an indescribable joy. Sure, he was the former Director of Finance in the company, but that didnt come with the ultimate rewards he wanted…

Azul’s company, his friends, his status…

And the biggest treasure…

(Name)

He had to admit the former things were not as important as the latter, but nonetheless, he was waiting for you to look for him.

Just like old times…

Despite the rift in Azul and Jade's current relationship recently, Jade still dearly cared for Azul, just as he did back when he was in high school.

—

It was one Spring luncheon; it was unusual for Azul to invite Jade and pay for his lunch.

He should have known something bad was going to happen as he ordered his lunch that day…

“You might know her, Jade, She's a part of the company." Azul dreamily sighed as he began swirling the fruit infused sweet tea he had ordered with his straw.

Raising a brow Jade only smiled, Azul confiding in him was rare these days.

“Oh? Is she an employee? Or is she a client?” Jade mischievously added, sipping his lemonade.

Watching Azul’s lips twitch into a confident grin he uttered the worst response to the question he could think of.

It being two years ago, but he could still remember his response clear as a bell.

“Oh no, she's actually working in our finance department,” Azul’s face began to blush.

“She transferred from the lower floors a while ago, but she's the one; I just can't get a chance to talk to her,” Azul muttered raising his glass of tea taking a sip.

“I wonder who she might be.” Jade trailed off.

Jade felt the dread in his stomach.

Everyone knew that Jade had fallen for (Name), The office couple, ever since the moment she joined their company.

A small, quiet type, basically lost in the sea of many young professionals at the company, diligently working hard and taking only a few days off.

Jade met (Name) because he had to train them since Azul thought he was too good to talk to (Name) at the time.

Reminiscing to that moment when he helped you take your things to the 86th floor of the Finance department It would be the beginning of a friendship.

But that's all it was; mostly for a little while, Jade didn't know how to progress the relationship since he got promoted to work closer to Azul. Having to follow his tailcoats as he conducted buisness he only would see you maybe once or twice a month.

He couldnt figure out why he wanted to seize any opportunity that would arise to be with you, the one most would look over in favor of anyone else.

“If I tell you Jade you must not tell anyone” Azul looked around under the private dining veranda they were seated at.

“I'd rather not have PR about this— it could ruin the company if everyone knew I was going to pursue a date with someone” Azul’s voice dripping with a haughty tone, setting his glass down before flicking his gaze towards Jade, staring at him with excitement in his hues.

“Her name is (Name)” Azul’s grin never slipping off his face.

Jade only scowled in response, clearing his throat to mask his true emotions.

“Not to come off as rude, but why her?” Jade interjected.

“I mean let’s be honest here, the city’s most eligible bachelor wants to date a regular office worker? Not a super model or a celebrity...”

“She’s a super model to me Jade” Azul sighed, “besides I’d rather have someone Independent and a hard worker like them” he drank some more of his tea for a moment.

“I think she's dating someone anyway, and she’s like a little mouse— it’s hard to even get a hello out of her…” Jade quickly responded, “plus she’s a bit boring once you get to know her” Jade chuckled to himself.

Lies.

She's very much single and has so much personality to her.

“Ah well, I love that in a woman—She does not stir drama, diligently works, and asks question's when she needs help”

“I can just see her by my side,” Azul rambled on.

Jade was in his office, unboxing all of the items from his previous office. The large vast space that was once a reflection of Azul was looming over him as he began to silently place the ugly decor he had decorated his desk with into the same box he used to bring his items upstairs.

Diligently humming he unpacked his replica mushroom statue placing it besides his laptop. Reaching once more into the box however he reached something he had thought was his stapler.

But when he pulled it out of his desk items was when he saw what it truly was.

Smiling down at the crudely made picture frame, the hot glue beads and small candy canes decorating the boarder of the frame. Jade could already picture how adorable you looked assembling the gift you gave him last Christmas; the wobbly Polarbear with a scarf holding a mushroom in the bottom corner on your side of the picture.

Dressed in a long Santa clause themed dress, you had your hand placed on Jade’s much taller shoulder, A nice memory he had on his desk for the longest while he would fondly look at everytime he’s come to work.

And now he could finally place it overlooking his new desk.

With silent admiration he placed it at the center of his desk, hopefully camouflaged enough anyone that walks in wouldnt comment on it.

Especially his brother…

With a sigh he turned to look towards the bright tall windows in front of him.

He hoped today would be the day you would return from your sick leave.

-

Name

After another week off from work, you reached a breaking point.

You felt terribly tired, not as sick as you normally were in the morning, despite being warned to stay at home until your results came in you decided to return to the office.

In your casual clothes since your abdomen was uncomfortable in anything that wasnt stretchy or loose, you approached the door you had been eager to see the whole time of your absence.

Raising your fist to the hard oak doors, you made a small curteous knock against the door.

As you waited for a response, you casually glanced at the title placard on the door.

“Jade Leech, Acting CEO”

I guess he didn't waste any time taking over Azul's office.

Not that it was any of your business anyway.

“Come in,” you heard faintly on the otherside of the door.

Opening the door, you were shellshocked with the new scenery in Azul’s office.

The various glass knickknacks, photos from Azul's high school days, and his coin collection were gone from the tall walls of the office, now replaced with various terrariums filled with mushrooms, different pictures of Jade on top of mountains, and just pictures of mountains were also around the vast walls of Azul's walls.

“Did you redecorate in here, Jade?” You were looking in awe at the change of office space approaching where his desk was, the temptation to sit on it like you use to when Jade had his office downstairs.

“It looks wonderful; it reminds me of your old cubicle,” you laughed to yourself.

You glanced over to see Jade half turned towards the tall windows beside the desk in front of you.

"Well, it might be a while before Azul comes back to work, or even at all,” Jade wryly smiled with his signature hand over his heart gesture as he took his seat in Azul's huge dark leather swivel chair.

It felt unusual to see the normally passive man in a position of power Normally demure and quiet, but when he spoke up, he was actually an intelligent and sometimes silly man. Although, once he became Azul's assistant, you rarely if ever saw him, and when you did, he never talked to you, making you a bit sad at how he made it obvious he had chose Azul over your friendship.

“How so? I heard he might be able to go back to work in a few months," you watched Jade for a reaction.

Jade tight lipped as always eyed you from where you stood.

With a sigh you decided to listen to your intrusive thought to sit on his desk, covering your legs with your dress.

Jade smiled up at you, his sharp, needle-point teeth glinting dangerously at you.

“so why did you request to meet me today, (Name)?”

His hand creeped towards the front of the desk near his laptop, sitting close to where you were currently sitting.

“If I recall correctly, you aren't supposed to be out of bed and yet here you are," Jade spoke, eyeing you with his mismatched gaze.

His fingers tapping at the wood on the desk, anxiously.

Blinking, you remembered why you were here.

"Oh, yeah—sorry," you cleared your throat crossing your legs across the table.

“I submitted a request to transfer a while ago, but it got denied... I'm just curious if this is a mistake or not, '' you informed.

Jade narrowed his eyes, the screech of the chair moving back as the tall man began to stand up from his desk, walking over to, what you thought, him standing in front of your spot perched in front of his desk.

Only, he sat besides you on his desk. His expensive cologne extremely strong in your nostrils as he leaned into your person bubble.

Moving back a little bit only encouraged him to inch closer as he began to rest his hand on your shoulder.

"Well, you see, dear (Name) I can't let that happen." Jade whispered giving your shoulder a light squeeze, his one mismatched eye on you.

Like you were possesed you pushed his hand off of your shoulder, annoyance written all over your face as you felt your chest flutter once more.

"What? Why not?” you almost growled.

Jade only gave a chuckle, suddenly he grabbed you with a strong force watching you struggle as he held onto your bare shoulders with his mismatched eyes, Staring dead into your colored hues.

“Because I finally won, why would I give away the prize I earned, fair and square?” Jade sighed to himself.

He decided to take the opportunity to grab the loose strands of hair that was stubbornly not falling into place with the rest of the hair that was framing your scared face.

You felt yourself flinch away from him, but his grip was almost stronger than Azul’s grip he had on you.

“I dont get it, Jade?” you stuttered trying to hop off of his desk, only for his long leg to pin you into place ontop of the oak desk.

“You see, Azul has been acting as a roadblock for me as well name” Jade lowered his voice a few octaves, “He was catching onto my feelings for the one he also sought after," he clicked his tongue. “So I had to distract him with a rumor about this rival that was talking to the woman he was attracted to,” Jade said, looking deeply at your face.

He then shrugged, “I however didnt anticipate this woman was actually speaking to the Rival I lied about”

Realizing the weight of his words, you got up from your spot and backed away from him towards the skyline window.

“It was you? But why? Azul almost killed me for that incident” you were feeling tears blurring your lash line as you gasped your words out.

So many different emotions; you wanted to scream.

As suddenly as you backed away, Jade came to your side, swiftly holding your face into his chest, his head leaning over yours as he kept you stuck there.

Normally, you wouldn't have minded for Jade to give you a hug, but this wasnt a normal hug, his hands beginning to dip behind your back towards your dress.

“What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were my friend Jade” You shoved him in a rage you hadnt realized was festering inside you, pushing into his chest with the heel of your Palm as hard as you could.

As you pushed him, Jade grabbed your wrists with a bone-crushing grip, stopping you altogether, your face turning red from the exhaustion and anger.

"Please, (Name) don't make a scene—if anyone you should hate is Azul”

“Regardless of whether I told him or not, he was going to know when he’d see you two kissing each other at the company retreat,” Jade calmy explained.

“You dont know what I had to deal with that asshole” you angrily spat shoving him once more to make a point.

“Just stop talking to me; I don't want to hear this anymore”

Fixing your dress you began to walk around his desk past the gaudy decorations before stopping in front of the door.

“And If you don't approve my transfer request— I'll just leave this company with no pay. I don't care anymore." You screeched back at him.

Unfortunately, Jade followed close behind his hands reaching for your own, his mouth about to open and tell you something before you swatted at him, freeing your hands and dusting your dress almost about to open the door.

Jade didnt follow you, only staring calmly at your disgruntled figure.

Eventually, he closed his eyes, exhaling as he did so, placing his hand over his heart.

“(Name) I wouldn't try that if I were you,” he sternly warned with a cold smile.

You turned to look back at his eerie gaze.

“Why are you going to fire me or something? You and Azul already have tortured me enough,” you scrunched your eyebrows at him before scoffing.

Jade hesitated before he laughed.

You only stood watching him laugh and point at you.

"Well, (Name)”

He once again stood close to you grazing the back of your dress with his hands.

“I never told you to go get Azul Friday morning,” he gingerly whispered with a smile.

Eyes widen at the mention you felt your blood go cold.

“Now why would you quietly go behind me and Floyd's back and reach out to meet the man that’s been actively lusting after you?” Jade annunciated with his open needle like teeth.

“It seems like you wanted to meet him alone at the retreat and when he rejected you that morning you snapped and tried to kill him”

“What are you insinuating?” You shouted with venom over your shoulder.

“Just letting you know, I will find out the truth. And you better hope I don't figure it out soon,” Jade leaned his head down on your shoulder, letting his breath graze your neck.

A kiss was all he had time to plant on your bare neck before you shoved him off without another word: You paused for a brief moment turning to look at the still smiling tall man before abruptly leaving Jade's office.

Harshly you pressed the button to call the elevator impatiently waiting to be let down to the parking lot.

After getting out of the towering office you had grown familiar with, reaching the familiar employee car park, you briskly walked to the familiar baby blue color of your sedan.

Clicking open the door, you harshly threw the door open before slamming it hard against the frame.

Throwing your purse and things a into the passenger seat you threw your head ontop of your steering wheel.

The urge to cry overwhelming as you felt your composure fall.

A shaky exhale before you felt the tears began to fall down your cheeks in rivets.

but right before your pity party began it ended.

The little constant melody coming from your phone that was now thrown under the passenger seat.

Angrily, you shifted over to look under the seat, finally grabbing your phone. Normally when you were in a pitiful mood you’d just decline and forget about it, but the caller was someone you’d been waiting desperately for.

"Oh, thank God, it's the clinic; hopefully it's good news,” you muttered to yourself, grabbing a tissue from your middle console you wiped your face before clicking the green icon.

“Hello, this is (Name)”

“So… What's wrong with me? Is it bad or...”

“Oh yes, (name) we just got your blood results back since as we know we tested you for everything after your flu test came back negative..”

You kind of dreaded the answer, especially with the hesitation from the nurse who was calling you.

Well (name) at least you have a perfect mountain to end it all on if the worst news comes out of this sweet nurse’s mouth…

“Well, first off, congratulations (name)…”

“Congratulations for…” You winced.

“Congratulations on the little troublesome bloom causing all that ruckus in your body” the nurse chuckled.

Cancer…

“Your four weeks along, according to the bloodwork it's causing you to have a storm of hormones right now”

What.

“Since we found out the true reason for your vomiting and nausea, we'd like to see you come in around the 15th of January so you can have your specialist visit and get you prescribed some medicine so you can go to work soon”

"Alright”

“Works for me”

The tears were falling like a waterfall now.

“Thank you have a nice day (Name)”

The line cut off. You dropped your phone under the pedal this time barely registering it.

What.

But..

4 weeks pregnant.

You laughed— a loud maniac Laugh from you belly until it started to melt into a heartbroken wail eventually dying down in a messy sob.

Any people walking by would have probably thought you were insane. Your disheveled dress and running mascara as you wailed into the leather steering wheel.

You thought you'd puke.

What horrible irony was this?

The only person you've ever had sex with…

Was the man laying in a coma in the hospital right now, unknown to the true consequences of that morning four weeks ago.

He might not even make it, and this baby would be the cruel reminder that…

That.

Azul had gotten you pregnant with his child.

You felt like you wanted to die.

What were you going to say? How do you tell anyone about this?

Your lover would leave you.

And…

Worse, what would Azul think?

Would he even want to keep the baby? Or hell even you?

Would you have to marry Azul? He wouldn't want you at all as a wife.

You felt a headache coming on as you started to feel your tears building up again. As you were spiraling from your driver's seat, you heard your phone's delightful ping noise alerting you of its location below.

Azul woke up yesterday.

Your face flushed as hot as ever.

You knew what you had to do.

Or at least what you should do.

But why say anything? You calmly thought to yourself.

It's only been 4 weeks, and you're not even showing… apparently Most of the time, people don't tell anyone until about 5 months, so... at most there was 4 months to go to do the deed.

So Why don't you keep this as your little spring secret?

[a-aexotic]

hii i feel like john b doesn't get nearly enough fics and i <3 your writing so could i request a fic where he's having a rough day so he comes over and reader does her whole nighttime routine w him to help de-stress? 💗💗

ren's notes ! yes i totally agree, john b is so overhated for what

pairing. john b x fem!reader

warnings. literally nothing except fluff and ward being ward

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

Today was not John B's day.

He woke up in a shitty mood and everything else just went along with that. He burnt his pancakes, he forgot to pay the water bill so he was stuck with cold water as a shower. He forgot to do laundry so he had to wear his dirty clothes. And the Camerons were being more asshole-ish than usual.

He just wanted to go home and eat, relaxing while watching a TV show. So why did Ward make him clean the yacht for the second time this week?

He texted you throughout working and you felt really bad. You wanted to do something that would cheer him up.

He heard a ding and pulled out his phone.

Y/N:) 💋☀️ oh, im sorry to hear that baby:/

Y/N:) 💋☀️ do u wanna come over and watch something?<3 maybe that'll help

Y/N:) 💋☀️ i love u jb:)

He smiled at your texts as he sent a quick text back, not wanting to hear another lecture about phones from Ward again.

JB 😎 No worries babe 😘💕 I love u too

JB 😎 That sounds like heaven 😫 Be there at 6 x

--

Work couldn't have even sooner for John B. He was so excited to go see you; he's felt like it's been weeks even though in reality, it's only been maybe a day. Today just felt so long but he knew that one kiss from you, and all that stress would go away.

He pulled up to your house and quickly got out. He was prepared to spend the entire night with you, sleeping in your arms so that all his stress would melt away.

He knocked at the door and your mother answered, letting him know you had just got down with your shower and that you were upstairs. She also reminded John B to knock before going in.

As he was told, he knocked before going in.

"Mom, I'll be down in a minute, let me finish my skincare."

"It's not mom, It's John B."

You quickly jumped out of your chair and ran to the door, opening it and embracing John B. He smiled at your enthusiasm.

"Oh, John B. I missed you."

He leaned into you, sighing in content. "Me, too, baby. Me, too."

"I was just going to finish my skincare and we can go get some popcorn and eat, okay?"

"Um, actually. I think after the day I've had, I need a mask."

You smiled at your boyfriend. Your glad your skincare is rubbing off on him because you wanted him to relax (you also didn't want him to age badly). "Of course, baby! Just uh, go take a quick shower and we can get started!"

He didn't even have the energy to be offended at your underlining comment so he just nodded and went into your bathroom, closing the door.

As he showered, you got the candy and popcorn ready. He got out and he sighed in relaxation. He then looked at the bowl next to your bed to find his favorite candy. "Ooo."

He took a handful before you came in with a huge grin on your face. "Okay, we have either a peach collagen mask or a vitamin d matcha mask."

He laughed immaturely at the mention of D. "Vitamin D, of course."

You rolled your eyes playfully as you put down the other mask, opening the vitamin d sheet mask. "Did you wash your face?" You asked before putting it on.

"Yes."

"With my CeraVe cleanser?"

He nodded and sighed as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. But if you asked him that a few months ago, he would've asked who CeraVe was and what a cleanser is. You're glad you've taught him well.

You smiled at that, nodding. "Good."

You put on the mask and John B felt his muscles relaxing from your soft touch, and the gentleness of the sheet mask on his face. "This feels so nice. I can't remember a time when I didn't use masks."

"Mhm, I bet your skin feels the same."

He sighed contently as you fully adjusted the mask to his face. You walked away towards your mini-fridge to get a Jade roller. You went back to John B and started massaging his face with it.

"Wow, this feels nice. Is how the rich feel?" John B commented as you laughed.

You kept massaging for a few minutes before stopping, making John B groan. You rolled your eyes.

"My arms hurt, John B, I can't do this until it dries."

He sighed and nodded, "Okay fine."

John B then went to go sit on your bed and turn on the TV as you put your mask on. John B then went to the bedside table and grabbed the popcorn, eating it happily.

You smiled at your boyfriend. You're glad that he feels better now. You got into the bed too, taking some of the popcorn and eating it.

"Okay, babe. It's your pick, what're we watching?"

"21 Jump Street."

You sighed. "... Again?"

"Oh shush, I know you love staring at Channing Tatum."

You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing it was true.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Word quantity: high. Word quality: low. You have been warned.

Goo Kim x Reader: School Days with Princess & the Delinquent

Epilogue - can be read as a standalone?!

Index: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Epilogue

A few months later-

For someone that prefers their skin to be flawless and smooth, Goo is awfully fascinated with yours. His hands constantly wander, tracing over your blemishes and imperfections.

"Hmm, I like your skin," his fingers run along your ribcage, taking his time, as if he's counting each one.

"What, to wear?" you ask him one evening, after he spent far too long pouring over your body.

He looks up from caressing a freckle on your hip and chuckles. 

Well, that's comforting.

“Are you still mad, Princess?”

Damn this guy. He knows to pick his battles with you at your weakest. When you’ve spent the whole day in bed together, him drawing constant moans and whimpers from your lips until your mind is completely blank and your whole body is quivering.

Well. What does he think? 

To be honest, after the shine of your reunion and your kiss had worn off, you had been filled with rage. Honestly, you never would have thought you would see a delinquent such as Goo Kim cower because of you.

It took weeks, months of work. Of peaks and troughs to get over the way he treated you. How he heartlessly ghosted you and tossed you aside and then reappeared in your life again as if that was fine.

Goo learnt the consequences to his actions, hated every moment, and had some eye opening lessons. 

So no. You’re not mad anymore. Although-

“What if I still am?”

Your boyfriend grins at you with an insatiable hunger, ready to make you black out from pleasure.

.

.

Late nights are usual for Goo. He often comes home to find you fast asleep on his side of the bed, burying yourself in his scent like a safety blanket.

Tonight, while he undresses, the moonlight peeps through the gap in the curtains and illuminates your face.

Even seeing you lifts his spirits.

Especially tonight, as unfortunately, it also highlights your drool. 

He laughs to himself, swiping it away with his hand, you stirring in your sleep when he does so.

A little gesture, that is really quite ordinary and meaningless but so desperately intimate is how the realisation comes crashing down on Goo that he is deeply in love with you.

That even as he felt his feelings blossoming, he never really managed to put the words to it until now.

How, before you, he never thought he would be someone that could fall in love but now there is no denying it. 

Love is the only way to describe how he feels about you.

.

.

And another few months later-

Goo waits outside a small cafe, leaning against his eye-wateringly expensive car and fiddling with his phone.

A handsome blonde in a designer suit catches the eyes of many but he ignores them all, fixated on the mobile game. 

And actually, a very happily taken man.

Knowing these pretenders would never be able to keep up with him. Not like you do.

He senses your presence before anything else, and looks up to catch you waving goodbye to your college study group.

As soon as you’re alone, you slump. The weariness of the day taking its toll on you; the demanding pace of your prestigious university course maybe being a bit too much.

Goo waits for you to spot him and it doesn’t take long. As soon your eyes meet, your face transforms, lighting up and your smile is brighter than the sun.

“Let’s go home hmm, Princess?”

.

.

“And this is the partner that I don’t hate,” Goo smirks, gesturing at you and happy with his backhanded words.

Gun doesn’t say anything, just studies you from the other side of the counter as you bag up their purchases.

“Hi,” you say, then look to your boyfriend for an introduction.

He flaps his hand in your direction, “He’s a nobody. Don’t worry about it.”

“Gun Park,” the other man says, letting the insult slide off him and extending his hand out.

This Gun is intense, matching that of your boyfriend, just in very different ways. But luckily, you may be the best person on earth to handle Goo Kim. You’re sure you can handle Gun Park too.

Not flinching from his black eyes, you hold his gaze as you reach out and shake his hand. Firm grip, brief, professional.

When they both leave, Goo blows you a kiss and Gun gives you a small nod.

You tilt your head at the dark haired man. Something about that nod feels like him approving of you.

.

.

And a lot more than a few months later-

Goo staggers in, reeking of alcohol, loud and headache-inducing.

“This is your problem now.” Gun dumps him in the doorway and leaves without a second glance.

“Huh?” Goo looks around, glasses askew, trying to place exactly where the fuck he is.

“Good night?” You ask, diverting his attention to you as a far off voice in his brain tells him this is his home.

“Y/N!” He slurs, suddenly hit with a burst of energy and throwing himself in your direction. Boy is he pleased to see you. Although, now he thinks about it, when is he not. 

Goo grins, lopsided and with heart eyes, “I want to see you everyday.”

You must be cursed. Because even though Goo is an absolute nuisance when he's drunk, even more so than usual if that is possible; at the same time, his sappiness comes out in droves and you can never find it in yourself to be mad at him.

“You do,” you reply, handing over a glass of water.

“No. I want to spend all my time with you.” He frowns down at the drink that has appeared out of nowhere in his hand.

“You do.”

“No,” he pouts, on the verge of a tantrum because why on earth are you being so dense and not understanding him right now.

“I’m not dense, you’re just drunk!” 

Oops. Goo giggles to himself when he sees you glaring at him. He was supposed to just think that.

“Princess,” he says, puppy dog eyes appearing after you force him to down the water in one go, “You don’t get it.”

“Tell me then.”

“I want to marry you.”

 “Is that it?” You pluck the glass from his hand and replace it with another full one.

“Yes!” Goo is this close to stomping his feet. Can you please stop handing him water. That is not a reasonable response to him pouring his heart out over here.

“You tell me that all the time too.”

A frown. “I do?”

“Yes. But babe…”

“Hmm?” 

“We’re already married.”

Goo looks impossibly confused until he glances down, and spots a shiny band around his ring finger. “Oh!”

He gives you another grin and your heart melts.

.

.

Goo used to think you would be an idiot marrying his high school sweetheart but turns out, he’s one and the same.

[sagescented]

Husband had a dental appointment today to finish the other half of his deep clean. I had to step out halfway through to take my telehealth appointment with my GP since we had overlap between our appointments today.

My GP's really excited about my progress since she put me on the new diet. She's going to re-refer me to Cardiopulmonary Therapy, though, despite my cardiopulmonary workups coming back fine, that way I have medical supervision for my reconditioning, since it's been so long. But other than that, she's comfortable waiting until my usual / regular yearly labs are due in April, to see me back again. Which is great news!

Other than that, everything went well. Hubby has to go back in 6 weeks (ish) to make sure his cleaning took and everything's healing ok. And then I think I'm going to need to make an appointment for Whisper at the vet soon.

She's been acting strange since yesterday evening. Not lethargic, but more like she knows she did something wrong and is just ... Waiting to be punished for it or something? Doesn't want to come out of her kennel and has to be pulled out of it by force, is keeping her head down the whole time she's out, won't wag her tail and is keeping it tucked, didn't greet or play with my Husband yesterday when he came home from work like usual- and she only ate half her food last night (she is drinking like normal, though, so that's good). She's never like this, but we have no idea what's up.

As far as we know, there's nothing she could've gotten into. So I'm going to keep an eye on her for a couple days and see if she's just In A Mood™ because I took the bedding in her Kennel away yesterday (it's dirty and needs to be cleaned, and we'd had plans to give her a bath at the same time) ... Or if it's a more serious long term issue she needs a Vet appointment for.

Fingers crossed it's the former and not the latter- and if that's the case, it certainly wouldn't be the first time I've had to deal with someone being in A Mood because of some small change like that; I love my Pittie mixes to death and back- always will. But sometimes they can be so dramatic about things, ha.

ETA: @resolvedbrunette brought up a really good point about my Brother in Law potentially having done something to her. And I was going to say no at first, but then I remembered one of the last times he was down to visit and we had issues with Whisper not feeling well after he left.

We don't know if my Brother in Law dumped his Dog's food out in the yard before he left, or what. But we had this issue at one point where the day he left, Whisper suddenly started vomiting mountains of food out of nowhere. And we hadn't fed her yet that day (we evening feed all our animals, and this was during the day that it happened). It lasted about 3 hours, and then she was fine after that.

When we pulled the towel we gave her as temporary bedding (because she hates sleeping on the bare plastic bottom of her Kennel) out today, we found vomit in the bottom of the box. Not much, but enough that it seemed she threw up at some point while we were gone at the Dentist. I didn't think anything of it at the time. But now that Res has mentioned it ... I wonder if my BIL isn't feeding his Dog outside while he's here. And now I'm wondering if Whisper didn't potentially get into Buster's food while she was outside with him, unattended, yesterday while I was making the Peanut Butter Protein Balls for my Husband.

She used to have a habit of- even when she had food in her bowl- going and polishing off the food in the Cats' bowls the second we looked away. We had to start feeding them on top of the bookshelves as a result. And she still gets into the litter boxes and eats their poop, no matter what we do ... So I really wouldn't be surprised if, if my Brother in Law is feeding his Dog outside, she'd get into his food as well. And that's the only time we've left them together unattended since he moved back in with us. Now low and behold, we're having problems with her again?

If so, I'm going to be so mad about it. Because that man can never think anything through, or be considerate about anything or anyone and I hate it.

[natriae]

chapter 6

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2k words

It's been a week and you still haven't messaged Ushijima. What would you say anyway; 'sorry for ditching you. That was your son btw<3'. Deciding not to worry about that you moved on with your day.

Today you were getting ready to go meet Sakusa at a small restaurant that just opened in Tokyo. It had Miya in the name. Not a good sign. But he swore it was good, and it was the man's first branch of the restaurant. What you didn't realize though was that Sakusa lived in Osaka and took a 3 hour bullet train to meet you just for lunch. He definitely thinks this is a date…You weren't looking for a relationship right now. You were content with your life. Just you and Isa… and maybe a cat in the near future. You left the apartment and began walking the busy streets to Onigiri Miya.

Walking into the restaurant you immediately scolded him for not telling you till after he was already on the train about how far he lived. He laughed and said, "did you think Tokyo had two volleyball teams," his smirk seemed a bit condescending, but when you looked away embarrassed he returned to his resting face. "Okay but seriously I'm here to see my cousin. He's here for a bit so I thought I'd visit him," His usual cold demeanor had a lighter tone to it when talking about his cousin. Cute.

Once the two of you sat down you finally took in the restaurant. It was very cozy and it seems that Sakusa took the only Kotatsu (heated table) in the restaurant. There were cute red and black cushions the two of you sat on and it seemed like there were no real chair spots in the restaurant. It was cozy like the countryside you were used to. It reminds you of home. Reminds you of sitting in Waka's lap after practice to get some hayashi rice- stop thinking about him. You gently hit your head again and Sakusa scrunched his eyebrows looking at you. 

"Sorry, habit," you said. Smiling lightly at the man. He was much more handsome when there weren't tears in your eyes. He was pale, and his hair looked quite soft. Much different from Ushijima. Ushijima was always tanned from being outside, either playing volleyball or gardening. He always looked so handsome in the summer when his tan would finally set. He'd really be glowing, but his hair was always cut short so it wasn't that soft. He also washed it everyday because of sweat, ew.

"Do you like Onigiri?" Sakusa asked.

"huh," you said. What's with you daydreaming more about Ushijima, he doesn't mean anything to you anymore. 

"I asked if you liked Onigiri," Sakusa said. He leaned a bit closer to you and he had the cutest pout on his face. Yeah you could get used to this.

Leaning in a bit more you finally responded, "of course I do. It's Isamu's favorite food. I'll have to take him here someday," you said looking around the mostly wooden interior. 

"has he lived in Tokyo his whole life?" Sakusa's eyebrow lifted up at that question pushing his two perfect moles together. 

"Yeah, never gone back to Miyagi, but we like it here," You said, but Sakusa could tell it was like you were trying to convince yourself of the fact. There was something about the way you said it that screamed 'I wish I never had to leave home'. 

He looked your face up and down seeing that you got lost in your thoughts again. He turned over to see Osamu making his way over to their table. Perfect timing. You looked up to see an Atsumu look alike. Oh right, their twins. Osamu looks much different. He probably changed the most out of anyone. His arms looked softer in his fitted black shirt, but it was obvious he still was strong. He had a bit of a belly now, but you're glad to see he was eating well. "Is there anything I can get started for ya?" The now black haired Miya asked you. 

"I'll take the chef's special," you said.

"good choice because i'm the chef!" You couldn't deny that the Miya twins still had their cute charms. He seems to be genuinely enjoying his job. You remember he always looked depressed during games, and now there was a huge smile gracing his face. "What about ya omi?" 

"My usual please," Sakusa said, like he couldn't believe Osamu was even asking him. He must have visited the one in Osaka a lot for him to already know his order. With that Osamu left and returned to the kitchen. You took the time to admire how straightforward Sakusa was, yet he still had manners. Like a better Wakatoshi. You really need to stop comparing everyone to him. Sighing you snuggling into the Kotatsu, and turn towards Sakusa. "What are you thinking about," Sakusa asked. 

"nothing-"

" Ushijima? I saw your son talking to him at the game. Don't worry, I think he's to stupid to realize that's his son," Sakusa said, as if he was reading your mind. Nevermind, you don't like the straightforwardness. He had no reason to be in your business right now. 

"hey don't talk about him like that," you responded genuinely angry, "but yeah I am. How do you know Isamu is his kid anyway," You asked, as much as you don't want Sakusa in your business you were curious. 

"well, i'm not dumb like everyone else," he started but immediately switched up after seeing you agitated face, "after you left Ushijima asked everyone if they knew where you were, i stalked you for a bit, and one of your friend's posted Isa for his 1st birthday and i thought wow that kid's a mini Ushijima, and then I did the math and realized… that was a mini Ushijima. I never told him that I knew where you were," He said finishing his story, but it didn't seem like the whole truth. Trying to comprehend everything just said you couldn't help, but stay stuck on the 'he asked everyone if they knew where you were'. 

Trying to muster up the courage you asked, "he was looking for me," don't cry y/n now isn't the time. 

"Yeah, but I think he gave up pretty fast," at which Sakusa looked away from you for the first time and he shrugged his shoulders. A part of you found it hard to believe that Ushijima gave up so fast. When he had a goal he would see it though, but then the other half of you said that you could never trust him. You weren't his number one priority. Why would he try so hard? 

At this Osamu came out of the kitchen holding two large plates. Definitely more than you ordered. 

"Here ya go! Made some extra fer the little one," He quickly left after placing the plates down. 

Snapping your head quickly to Sakusa you immediately questioned him, " did you tell him I had a son?" You were pissed. Why would he do that? He's really getting on your last nerve, maybe he isn't as nice as you thought he was. 

" I didn't," he responded just as quickly, "maybe you should think about his idiotic brother that talked to your son at the game," You hate that he was right. He scoffed and continued, "not everyone is out to hurt you, y/n,". He was right. Not everyone is, but you have just been so on edge ever since leaving. The more time that passes the worse the consequences will get. You know, but it's too late now. Biting into you Onigiri you couldn't help but let out a sigh of happiness. You could cry over the Onigiri. It was perfect. Osamu must be magic because there is no reason for it to be this good. "It's good, right?" He asked, smiling a bit with his mouth full of food. You couldn't help but nod enthusiastically. Way more than good. You cannot wait to bring Isa here. 

After the two of you enjoyed your meal you began to walk aimlessly down the street. There were so many shops and restaurants on this side of town. You wish you had more spending cash, so you and Isamu could go on more adventures like this. One's where you could get him more things that he wants, not just the necessities. You feel out of place. You can't afford any of this stuff. In your peripherals you could see Sakusa glancing at you every once in a while. He kept walking closer to you and his hand would brush yours. Eventually his right pinky hooked to the front of your left hand, but before he could move any further you heard someone yell your name.  You knew it could be from no other than a fiery redhead. Before you could turn around someone was launching themselves at you back and latched on. A deep voice followed soon after telling the redhead to get off of you.

"y/n!" he shouted again. Completely ignoring Sakusa like he was a fly he just needed to swat away. 

"Satori! omg your hair. Where did it go," He giggled at your reaction. 

Putting a hand to his buzzed hair he said "ita kinda fell off," a small smirk present on his face.

"I thought you said you buzzed it?" Ushijima asked, clearly not understanding the joke.

Sakusa pushed Satori a bit and said, "hey, i'm still here," Satori had made a face at his intrusion, and Sakusa continued when he saw Ushijima standing there. He bowed and said, "ushijima," his voice got deeper when he said his name. 

Ushijima did the same and the two six foot men glared at each other between you and Satori. "oh tennssionnn," Satori said, rolling his eyes and sucking in a breath between his teeth. Pushing Sakusa out of the way much harder than Sakusa did him he walked closer to you and explained how much he missed you. "Miracle boy and I spent years looking for you, why did you leave," Ushijima clearly hadn't told him the full story of your relationship.

"oh, Sakusa told me Ushijima gave up pretty quickly," Oh how wrong you were. You could tell by Ushijima scrunching his nose and the front of his eyebrows pointing down in anger. Satori too side eye'd Sakusa in anger. Grabbing your left shoulder, Satori lightly led you to start walking with him. "You know men, and all their lying, can't ever get a full story from them, huh. That's why I'm here. I knew there was a reason I needed to return from Paris," Satori said, looking off into the sky. Like he was much wiser than he actually was.

"you moved to Pari-" before you could finish, Satori shushed you and looked back up at the sky. 

" Ushijima and I trekked a long way, metaphorically of course, after you left Ushijima spent every waking day morning you. He'd sleep at your parents house, and at one point he got on his knees to beg them to tell him where you were," Satori continued his dramatic story. If you were alone you wouldn't be able to tell if he was serious or if it was for effects, but you can see Ushijima watching the ground embarrassed and Sakusa rolling his eyes waiting for any moment to jump in. "Eventually I forced him to continue practicing to get his mind off things, and if he ran into you. You guys were destined…Now we must go. I've said too much" He grabbed Ushijima's forearm and dragged him away waving aggressively at the two of you. Sakusa's hands were now in his pockets, and he looked ready to cuss out Satori at any moment. Looking back in front of you you pulled out your phone to check the time and see if you had any messages. Not mentally prepared to indulge in all the information you were just given.

"you kno-" Sakusa had started. 

"shit I need to pick up Isamu," You said, eyes widened at how little time you still have until his school ends. "bye Sakusa," you said while running the other direction.

tags: @mineta-phobic @rukia-uchiha-98 @ssc7514 @megumuro

thoughts? ALSL TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY IM ON A ROLL (i actually wanna get to the fluff so badly)

[slayerkitty]

On Hidden Agenda And if the Agenda is Really Hidden

Otherwise known as @respectthepetty and I watched episode 11, looked at each other, scratched our heads and pulled the clown car over to the side of the road. Episode 11 was not the traditional "BL Episode of Doom" it usually is in most BLs. Some BLs do purposefully subvert this trope or move the episode of doom to episode 10 instead.

It didn't feel like that was what happened here. So we hopped out of the clown car, whipped out our phones to check our maps and directions, because we were very, very confused. We were so sure we had the show figured out! And...no?

So we decided to backtrack; turn the clown car around and start the trip again from the start. To take this week and re-watch Hidden Agenda from the beginning and figure out what the hell we missed.

We also took a detour into source material territory (aka looked up a summary about the book) which was no help to the current situation, because @respectthepetty discovered that JengPok, Nita's stalker, Puen, and Wave x Trin weren't even in it! The only thing we were able to confirm with it is that it's from Joke's POV, he's unhinged in it, and Zo spends most of it dating Nita.

With all this in mind, I sat down with episode 1 of Hidden Agenda in hopes that I would discover anything that we might have missed. I also have slowly cultivated two theories that as of episode 6 still hold up though I don't know how much weight I want to give the second one (but I also can't let it go).

Before I delve into the theories, I do want to point out a couple things that I have noticed.

Zo is super intense about debate club, NOVA, and the Finland scholarship from episode 1. His coaching of Joke in episode 2 rivals his mother's coaching of him in episode 10. If someone who makes gifs could make a gif set that parallels those two scenes, I would be eternally grateful; it will blow your mind. Zo's issues with disappointing his mom are also there from episode one, but they are super subtle. He doesn't want Kot to tag him in his IG story because his mom might see him at the bar drinking. He mentions in I think either episode 2 or 3 that his mom hasn't visited in a while because she's been busy and the way he says it is so... ugh, he needs a hug.

Zo's trauma from Puen's horrible treatment of him is also evident from episode 1 as well; he is constantly saying that he doesn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, that he's worried he's upsetting people, etc. It's constant. Seriously, someone hug Zo.

Theory 1: Joke did something bad/something bad happened to someone he cared about (probably in high school and appears to have gotten therapy about it based on how he speaks)

Episode 1:

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, while Joke is scolding(?) Zo, he says, "What you said on that stage won't change a broken system."

Episode 2:

Joke tells Zo, "My tongue gets me in trouble."

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Episode 3:

Joke says "Before you get to know someone, you need to know yourself."

Joke also asks/tells Zo to trust him for the first time.

Joke talks about the Triangular Theory of Love: Passion, Intimacy and Commitment

Joke is pretty worried when Zo crashes his bike and makes Zo ride with him instead.

Joke mentions that he used to go to the restaurant Zo picked out with his dad, back when they used to go out to eat; this suggests a distance between him and his dad.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip as if he's afraid if Zo leaves without him, something bad will happen.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

Joke is afraid of the glass bridge but he's also to worried to let Zo go out on the bridge by himself.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Kot doesn't seem to like Joke and extremely overreacts to the way Joke trying to get Zo to eat the food he bought. Now, Joke was maybe a little pushy, but Kot goes off the handle.

When cuddling in bed, Joke says "hugging for 30s releases Oxytocin" and if they hug longer, "it means we feel the same."

Theory 2: Joke is a stalker

Yeah, you read that right. There is ample evidence throughout the first 6 episodes that on first watch, didn't quite ring alarm bells, but on re-watch, are setting off sirens. I kinda had this as a crack theory in the back of my head after episode 8 first aired, but now it's staring me in the face and feels a lot less crack-y

Episode 1:

Joke eavesdrops on Zo recording his podcast

Joke is super intense when speaking to Zo at the studio and manhandles him a little so that Joke can sort of pin him against the wall.

Joke eavesdrops on Zo and friends on the bus and then approaches him after to give advice on Nita

Joke asks Zo if the iced coffee is for Zo and says it's not because "Zo doesn't like coffee."

Joke always seems to be around when Zo is trying to approach Nita.

Joke confesses that he has a crush before singing a song.

When Zo tries to leave the bathroom after getting sick, Joke actively won't let him, grabbing him roughly and holding him in place.

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, Zo asks Joke why he won't quit if he hates it and Joke says he has his reasons.

At the studio, Joke says "I love you and you love me" in Chinese and proceeds to do what has been touted as an "erotic wedding based tradition" with drinking the Roselle juice.

Episode 2:

Joke starts pushing boundaries with food

Joke and Zo make a deal to help Zo with Nita.

Joke has a fantasy of Zo winning and them kissing.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again

Joke admits to Zo he has a crush on someone.

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Joke ties Zo's shoe

Joke says he's already started helping Zo with Nita, but has he?

Episode 3:

Joke basically milks all the situations with Zo in his favor under the guise of helping Zo with Nita

Joke admits he listens to Zo's podcast because it helps him sleep.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke insists on driving Zo home despite Zo's protests.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip really insistently and hugs Zo excitedly when Zo agrees.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 4:

Joke knows how long it's been since Zo changed his profile pic.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 5:

Joke confronts Zo for trying to avoid him and wanting to forget their kiss. Joke is incredibly aggressive and spills his drink on Zo as a result.

Joke continues to message Zo that Zo is avoiding him and that he's going to come over. Zo says not to. Joke does anyway.

Joke gets himself invited to dinner with Zo and his mom.

Joke makes a move while doing dishes and tells Zo he wants to know how Zo feels.

Joke says "why would you hurt me and tell me to forget?" and "you never care about my feelings."

Joke also says "don't run away from me," and "don't avoid me."

Joke confesses through tongue twister.

Joke remembers that Zo hates stink beans.

Joke tells Zo "I would do anything for you," and "I like you Zo, I want to show you that you like me, too."

Asks Zo to let Joke pursue him.

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again and then fights with Kot.

Zo tells Joke he needs to respect boundaries.

Joke oversteps boundaries again in at debate club.

Joke pushes Zo again for an answer on his feelings; Joke says he "will always wait" for Zo.

Joke also insists that Zo was into him all along and not Nita.

Joke watches Zo at the debate open house and gets jealous.

Joke wants Zo to stay over; he pushes Zo again for an answer to his feelings. When Zo wants to go shower, Joke grabs his arm and stop him, saying that he won't let Zo run away.

Joke gives Zo the arcade t-shirt and when Zo says he doesn't know the significance, Joke tells Zo to take it off. Joke then takes his own shirt off and refuses to put it back on.

Joke asks to hold Zo and Zo doesn't answer, just rolls over onto his side away from Joke. Joke says "silence means yes" (and in this case it did but OH MY GOD) and proceeds to cuddle Zo.

As I go through my re-watch, I'll add more to both theories but as of episode 6, they both hold up. I can't decide of Joke himself actually did (insert bad thing here) to someone, or just knew someone that (insert bad thing here) happened to. Joke being a stalker wasn't that evident at first, but it is now! At a minimum, Joke is obsessive, posessive and overly clingy.

Also, these theories can both be true! They don't contradict each other in any way. Stay tuned for Part 2, probably... Friday or Saturday.

[doukeshi-kun]

hiii keshi!! this is my first ask to you ever so i really hope tumblr doesn’t eat it !! i wanted to ask you a question about writing if thats okay with you but before i do i’d just like to tell you that your stalker kolya fic actually changed the wiring of my brain lol it was SO good!! i remembered reading it on the train when it first came out and being SOOOO devastated that i had no one to talk to about it!! its my all time favorite nikolai fic and i’d just like to tell you that <3

anyways!! my question to you is; is it normal to spend a long time on writing fics? 😭 it sounds like a very stupid question (trust me, i know) but it’s kind of been itching at my brain for a while now. so basically i’m writing this gojo x reader/OC fanfic (i dunno if you’re that into jjk or not) but its supposed to be in first person POV and a long fic having at least 20-25 chapters.. i have an idea of what i want it to be like, plans of subtle foreshadowing, backstories, plot points but i’m not really sure if these things should be taking up so much of my time 😭 it took me a day to plan out the first chapter and i’ve only gotten 20% of it done so far. I usually need a whole day to write 3000 words (i struggle) while i always see most writers posting about being able to finish a whole 6k words oneshots (which is SUCH a talent).

is it something that gets easier the more you write?? i’ve been writing for 5-6 years since i started at 13. what can i do to improve this?? or is it a case of ‘not every writer is the same’??

i’ve never talked to another writer before, never thought about reaching out to anyone but today i feel like i kinda do need someone elses opinion with this 💔 i’m so so sorry for the long ramble, it’s difficult for me to simply things <3333 absolutely love your work <3

haiii thank you so much for the kind comments ❤️ you can always talk about stalker nikolai with me hehe

so, to answer, yes it is totally normal to spend a long time for a fic! and you're planning to do a long fic that has like, 20-25 chapters, so it's totally normal for your planning to take some time. this is the case of "not every writer is the same"

take me, for example. i need at least two weeks to write a fic for stalker nikolai. and there was one time i had to take about almost 2-months for a trash sugar magic's chapter. and now, i can only post once a month because i need more time and i am also busy with other stuff in life.

so 3k words a day is very impressive! hells, 1k a day is also impressive. personally, there really is nothing to improve because you are working on YOUR own pace. i think, rushing to get a fic done will give more harm than good (for example, you might get easily burnt out or you feel obligated to keep posting in such a short period)

take your time, plan out your fic, write what you can and don't worry about whether you're a fast writer or not. you're still a writer ❤️

goodluck on your fic! 🫶

[esleep]

i am having the most ridiculously, cartoonishly bad day that i think i have ever had and i am going to be pitiful about it for a minute okay. if you read this i hope it makes your day seem much better by comparison, in fact i am pretty confident it will do that for you. it's probably a little funny also if you are not me.

testimonials: "my jaw fully dropped and stayed open the entire time, jesus christ" -shannon in reply to the 3+ minute rambling video i sent her about all of this.

here is my sordid tale, for those brave of heart and strong of stomach.

i woke up at 4 AM while having both a migraine and an anxiety attack (being around my family for extended periods will do that). i was unable to go back to sleep for multiple hours. my morning work alarm went off less than an hour after i finally drifted back off.

at work i spent 10 hours trying to catch up on a bunch of bullshit, because it was my first day back after a week and a half of hastily-arranged sick leave so i could be with my dying grandfather.

midway through my morning, i remember that last night i found a weird open sore on the back of my cat's neck, which i need to call a vet to get checked out IMMEDIATELY after work since i am supposed to be bringing a kitten home on Sunday and I do not want to bring him into a house full of ringworm or some other weird skin infection.

i start looking around online. looks like the only place anywhere nearby that will accept walk-ins AND is open after i get off work at 6 is the veterinary urgent care across town. cool. i call. they tell me their base exam cost is $110 and any treatments go on top of that. i wince and grimly make an appointment for 7 this evening.

at this point it is around noon and my stomach hurts. it's been hurting this whole time but i had kinda let it fade into the background because i thought it was just part of the anxiety. however it has been getting slowly stronger until it finally dawns on me that i am having period cramps. ten days early. cool and nice. i also do still have the migraine, thank you for asking.

i finish my work day at 6, then remember something crucial: rent. i go to bring my rent check physically to the landlord's office since i got back into town too late to mail it, and my landlord is so old school i can only pay by physical check or money order (online portal? never heard of her). the office is already closed, and they don't have a night drop available right now because their actual office was firebombed six months ago (lmao) and it's still being rebuilt so their temporary "office" is just a trailer. i panic-call my landlord, who says i can leave the check if i can manage to stuff it far enough into the door that no one can see it. i try my best. this takes a million years. the entire time i am worrying that i will be late to the vet.

we finally make it to the appointment. things seem to be going well at first - we are alone in the waiting room while i fill out my paperwork, ivy is mostly chill (shockingly). when we are brought to a room she even lets me feed her a churu through her carrier door, a decision i soon came to deeply regret. we'll get to that.

this is the first vet i've ever been to where they fully take your animal away from the "exam room" where you are supposed to wait and into a back area to examine and treat them, presumably because their protocol is built around much more severe illnesses and traumas. predictably, ivy did not like this very much. i nervously told the tech who took her away that if they had too much trouble with her, they were welcome to come and get me, because she usually behaves more for me than for anyone else. i can hear her yowling from the room where i have been told to wait, while i am staring down a sign that says "FOR YOUR SAFETY - PLEASE STAY HERE WHILE WE EXAMINE YOUR PET". it may be a liability thing for them, idk, but it is truly not my safety i am concerned about at this moment. it's not my cat's safety, either. those yowls are war cries. the beast seeks blood.

the vet comes in. he seems like a nice man. he tells me gently that he's having some trouble getting a good look at the sore because ivy is so upset (you don't say). i tell him i am happy to help them corral her, but also, i have a photo of it on my phone if he would like to look at that. he is delighted. i show him the blurry photo i took last night. he is less delighted. essentially, he tells me, this is most likely either an allergy flare-up, an infection/abscess, or possibly (least likely) ringworm. we agree on a three-pronged approach: one antibiotic shot and one steroid shot tonight, plus a tube of ointment to come home with me that i will apply once or twice a day ("whatever you can manage" he told me while nervously glancing at the door that separates us from my pet demon in the treatment room). this ointment contains more steroid and antibiotic, plus an anti-fungal, and it should help kick whatever is going on even if we can't positively identify it. he says if it gets worse or doesn't heal, or if she develops more of them, bring her back.

next to come in is a slightly wild-eyed vet tech who tells me that ivy has been attacking them all pretty badly (shocking) so they had to net her (okay that's a new one). during this process, she shit liquid diarrhea all over herself and them. after they gave her the necessary injections and tossed her from the net back into the carrier, "the poop went in with her" were the tech's exact words. she handed me a cloth and a spray bottle of disinfectant and basically told me i could stay in here as long as i needed to get the carrier cleaned up, but she couldn't stay in the room to help me because my cat is such a menace to society. that is fine. i would rather face her wrath on my own anyway.

they were not exaggerating when they told me she was absolutely covered in shit. that churu really lubricated the pipes or something because it is a frankly concerning amount of feces. her bed and blanket inside the carrier are beyond redemption. i don't really care too much about that - i've owned cats for two decades, i am wise enough not to keep anything i'm emotionally attached to inside the carrier. i am also not very squeamish about cleaning up a little poop. but what really gets to me this time is the smell. it is absolutely unholy. this is not regular cat shit smell, this is like satan's afterbirth. beyond just what's in the carrier, there is shit matted into ivy's fur all throughout her back half and a little toward the front too. she looks pitiful. but she walks out of the carrier so calmly when i open the door, almost like she's trying to preserve what dignity she can. i don't blame her. she's had a bad night.

i do what i can with the carrier to make it transportable, then go out to pay the staggering $365 that i owe for this ongoing nightmare. it is now nearly 9 pm. we've been here for two hours. i am exhausted like someone who has been to war. the extremely young boy they have running the front desk takes forever to figure out how to apply my Scratchpay (which i had to hastily apply for in the exam room), and meanwhile the smell that is coming off both me and my cat is like nothing i have ever experienced. it's freshly shocking to me every time i inhale. it's the kind of smell you never really acclimate to. i am pretty sure i have actually died and gone to hell without noticing the trip.

i bring the cat home (windows down, by necessity, praying it doesn't start raining again like it has been all day). i take her directly to the bathtub - do not pass go, do not collect $200. then i have the joy and privilege of giving her a bath in the tub. with dish soap. because that is all i have available and this is a bit too much of an emergency for me to doordash some cat shampoo. considering my cat's temperament, this goes about as well as you can imagine. by the end, the cat and i are pretty much equally wet, but at least she is mostly clean. i consider showering myself off while fully clothed, but decide against it for the sake of my bra, which is somehow the only thing still dry and untouched.

i am still a little bit in shock at how absolutely horrendous and LONG every aspect of this day has been. i need a xanax, $10,000 USD, a massage, and a handle of whiskey. i will be receiving none of that. goodnight.

[staggersz]

taps mic

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY AU SO IM GONNA TALK ABOUT WHO CAN COOK AND WHO CANT

Finney can cook. With Terrence being sometimes black out drunk, he basically taught himself how to make food for him and his sister. Finney sometimes pulls out his mom’s old cookbook to try and get a reminisce of her and make a nice dinner or breakfast.

Robin can cook. He’s probably one of the best out of the 6 of them. His mom taught him all the tricks and recipes she knew, and when she passed on, Robin’s uncle stepped up to teach him more. Robin also has his mom’s cookbook, which is jam packed with so many recipes for food and treats.

Bruce can not cook for shit, to be honest! He’s okay at making breakfast, but when it comes to anything else that involves a pan, a pot, or an oven/stove, he is completely helpless. Usually this means he just eats cereal for breakfast and orders food for him and Amy if their parents aren’t home for dinner.

Vance can cook! Whenever he had to go to his dad’s, he knew his dad wouldn’t cook a thing for him, so Vance made food for himself 99% of the time. When he went back to his mom’s though, she taught him to cook things and actually took care of him. Vance makes Griffin food when their mom is caught up with a late shift. Vance of course makes food for Bruce since he loves him. Vance earns the title of malewife /hj

Billy can’t really cook that much. SOMEHOW he knows how to make an apple pie without messing it up. Everything else he makes burns a lot though. His family got take out a lot or ate TV dinners, so they only ate homemade food like 3 days a week. After the whole basement fiasco though, he ended up eating homemade food more often since he goes to Griffin’s house a lot.

Griffin can cook. He isn’t that experienced, but he can make a killer plate of pesto pasta. Griffin’s vegetarian, and he grew up eating basically zero processed food, so when he makes stuff, his food is healthy and stuff. He forgot how to make a lot of stuff after being in the basement for almost 3 years, basically almost a 1000 days, but his mom taught him recipes again when he got home. He’ll still make non-vegetarian meals when someone wants food that has meat in it.

walks off stage