#i usually leave a couple of things until the week before (gift cards mainly) but i really do hate leaving it to the last second

[queenerdloser]

me: hey send me what you want for christmas bc a) i want to take advantage of some black friday deals and b) i hate leaving christmas shopping until the very last second so i want to get it done in like. the next two weeks.

my family, a group of last-minute planners: wow youre ALREADY thinking about christmas????

[beepboop358]

My Byler theories/predictions for S4

Since s4 is already confirmed to not be the last season, I don’t think Byler will officially get together in s4. I do think that we are definitely going to get a large amount of Byler’s development in s4 though, we just aren’t at the finish line yet. Since Byler has been being developed all through each of the seasons, I think the writers are playing the long game with Mike and Will. I really appreciate a queer romance that is so well developped, especially in something so popular! I think the season will end on a note where it’s understood what Mike has been struggling with, It’s made known that Will is gay, and that Mike has feelings for Will, and Will has feelings for Mike.

My predictions/theories for Byler in s4:

Mike might be acting a little off at school and Dustin is going to notice his odd behavior and ask what’s up

I think Mike will be getting in trouble at school and at home (based on whenever he doesn’t have Will/El around he does stupid things - like graffitti the bathroom wall, plagiarize essays, curse at adults, etc.) I don’t know if Mike knows about Eddie dealing drugs, but he might and he might get drugs from Eddie and do them to cope with everything he is struggling with. His parents might ground him for doing drugs, and forbid him from going to visit the Byers, and then we could get our runaway smalltown boy montage! LOL

Lonnie might come to visit the Byers in California for Will’s birthday. He will probably show up because he thinks they have money now, or he wants to sue Starcourt like he wanted to sue the quarry in s1. Mike will also be there visiting for Will’s birthday. Lonnie will mock Will and make fun of him like he always did, but he will also hate Mike. Lonnie will definitely notice Will and Mike’s dynamics and he will definitely comment about it. He might even call them homophobic slurs like we know he used to do with Will when he was younger. Lonnie will probably make Will cry and Mike upset. Lonnie might possibly “out” him and Mike before they are out and confirm it themselves. Some of the movies on the stranger writers twitter for s4 also hint at this, as well as having the baseball references. There are also hints to Will’s birthday throughout the show: The rainbow happy birthday mug seen in the crazy together scene, the “sorry i forgot your birthday card” in Will’s room from Lonnie, and Joyce’s speech in the shed discussing Will’s 8th birthday and his “rainbow ship”. Jonathan also mentions how Lonnie made him kill a rabbit on his 10th birthday and he cried for a week after, just more hints that if Lonnie shows up for Will’s bday, it’s gonna be bad.

Mike might get Will a watch for his birthday. This would reference the clocks being central to the s4 plot, and “not wanting things to change/turning back the clock” in Hopper’s letter

Will is being homophobically bullied at his new school again, possibly references to Will having HIV/AIDS because the height of the epidemic was in the 80’s and it was very stigmatized

Mike will call Will more than he will call El. Will might be slightly surprised by this, El’s frequent calling will annoy Mike and he might turn off his walkie talkie. (basically the reverse of what Mike said would happen in the s3 ending mileven scene)

Mike and Will will be in the same location for most of the season, like s2. They will not leave each other’s sides for the majority of the time they are together.

S4 Group Predictions:

- El, Will, Mike trio together with Jonathan and Argyle. (we will get some obvious tension between El, Will, and Mike, and Mike will hate Argyle at first)

- Robin, Steve, Erica, Max, Dustin, Lucas, Vickie, Eddie, Nancy

- Joyce, Murray, etc?

- Hopper and the other Russians (Dimitri, etc)

The rift between Mike and El will continue to grow.

When Mike comes to visit, she will notice he seems much more interested in Will.

El will ask why the bullies call Will those things (queer/fairy/gay/homo, probably f slurs too), what it means and if he really is “a queer”.

I don’t know if Will is going to come out to El. They have never interacted before, and I doubt Will trusts her or really likes her much mainly, because of Mike. Unless they get super close during the time not portrayed on screen between s3 and s4, or by being all each other has in California, I don’t know if  he will come out to El. I could see this going either way depending on how their friendship develops. I definitely do not think Will is going to tell El he likes Mike, even if he does confide in her he is gay. I think she will find out eventually but in some other way, probably just from Mike’s behavior towards Will.

El will eventually realize she doesn’t actually love Mike and let go of the ‘romance’ aspect of their bond, but still highly value him as a friend.

Mike might be called homophobic slurs at school as well. Mike will definitely be teased (regardless of his sexuality) because he is in the hellfire club and since satanic panic is sweeping the town, people look at D&D as if it is a satanic game, and he will be teased because of that.

Based on the leaked bts pics, I have a theory a cheerleader, or someone else, might show interest in Mike.  Mike will not reciprocate and she will call him out for it asking why he doesn't like her because “any other guy at this school would” or something like that, maybe even ask “what are you gay or something”. It would certainly be good for Mike’s narrative but idk if it will happen.

Will may confide in Jonathan about his feelings for Mike and the things the bullies say to him at school. Jonathan will be supportive of Will, as will Joyce. I think he will also try to protect Will from Lonnie and they will both defend Will to Lonnie.

I think we need a scene of Mike with his Mom telling him to follow his heart, like who you like, etc. because life is too short to waste it being miserable or something like that. This could be inspired by Mike’s parents seperating, but idk. This could also encourage Mike to initiate more romantic things with Will.

I would love to get a scene of Will confronting Mike for “Joining another party”, after Will said he wouldn’t.

Will and Mike need to discuss what was said in their fight.

I think since Mike's been holding in a lot of turmoil and struggling with his sexuality for so long we might get a small breakdown scene from him, of him telling Will he’s really sorry for how he treated him last summer, and for all the things he said to Will. Mike will profusely apologize and also hint at how he’s confused and been dealing with a lot.

I think Mike will be the first one to break down and confess he has feelings for Will and has been struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality.

Once Will has confirmation Mike is also struggling with his sexuality, Will might come out to him. I would love for him to reference the fight being like “You were right. I don’t like girls.” (from @itsonlystrange ‘s 4x07 byler script it’s so good!) I don't know if Will will confess he likes Mike to his face or not. I don't think it's likely given how shy Will is and how afraid he is of Mike not reciprocating, but who knows.

Mike may initiate a kiss between him and Will - towards the end of the season probably (eyewitness parallel - explained in my byler proof google slides)

I think Mike and Will might write letters to each other, with some love-y connotations. There is a lot of evidence for this in the canon comics of them writing notes to each other, and that cryptic tweet from stranger writers twitter with a blocked out message and the date Will went missing saying it wasn’t about a couple or hopper. Maybe byler related? This tweet may not be a letter but it might be. The most popular theories are that the message is to Will, “love mike”, which I love. https://twitter.com/strangerwriters/status/1184945905973153792?lang=en

Will has a new haircut (bts pics) and Mike will gush over it. Maybe some gay-panicking too hopefully

I think El will be either physically or at least emotionally distant the entire season from the other kids (again following the pattern of even and odd seasons) El needs some personal development this season, since she didn’t get any in s3.

El might confront Mike and ask if he is gay and if he likes Will, which could be El’s motivation to go off on a journey of her own to learn more about her own life. I don’t think it will be a huge fight, but El might make some references to him always lying to her. I think Mike might just kind of try to talk his way out of it at first, but he will eventually break. This might be a two part discussion and Mike doesn’t admit she is right until later. I don’t think it makes sense for El to be heartbroken (explained in my byler proof slides), just slightly annoyed. This is based off of the movie Tootsie which they borrowed the “gift” idea from in s3 already. In the movie, the girlfriend then after receiving the gift asks “Michael” if he is gay.

I really think eventually El will realize it’s okay because she doesn’t love him romantically either, and once she realizes that her own personal development can really begin.

I think we will see a noticeable change in Mike’s demeanor. I think Mike will mainly just be trying to hide that he is gay now. He joined the hellfire club so we know he’s playing d&d again meaning he is reverting back to his true self, not the weird act he put on in s3 trying to be straight and change himself. He is still struggling, but he knows he likes Will. Regardless that doesn’t mean he is going to be super clear about how he feels. He is going to be extremely afraid of opening up and then getting hurt by Will. He will probably do some of his usual ‘lead Will on and then shut it down’ thing. And I really want Will to call him out on this. This could also lead to Mike breaking down in front of Will and confessing. I think we are going to get a lot of 'Mike gay panicking' moments, he's going to be extremely afraid of being found out/suspected.

Byler things I really want to happen that we may get because they would have narrative significance:

I really want flashbacks to those 3 months of summer between the starcourt explosion and the Byers moving, of moments between Mike and Will when they hang out alone together, with some obvious romantic tension. Like where they are super playful and almost kiss, or they are kind of touchy, or something in the realm of that. I think we need a flashback of something that explains Will’s flirty nature at the very end of s3 with Mike, because he doesn't normally act like that. I want noticeable “is something going on with them?” vibes. This could also happen during the thanksgiving/christmas flashbacks.

I hope we get flashbacks of Mike going to the Byers for Thanksgiving, and the Byers coming back to Hawkins for Christmas. Preferably of some Mike and Will moments that hint at Mike’s confusion or how he feels “so alone” without Will, maybe with some “crazy together” references too! I’d also love some tension between the 3 of them, maybe this is when El starts to get suspicious of Mike liking Will.

Hopefully we get some shots of Mike biking past the byers old house and going to look at castle byers and reminiscing.

I’d love to get a flashback of Mike the day the Byers moved away, of him crying or being upset, alone in his room/basement while looking at Will’s drawings or pictures of Will and him together. Mainly to confirm for people that Mike was upset about Will moving, not as much El.

This one does not seem super probable, but it is a very popular theory. Idk if it’s possible because of location logistics, but if they spend enough time together, I’d love for Mike to get to know Robin better, and Will too. Maybe once everyone comes together at the end of the season, she will notice their dynamics and could help guide and inspire them to be themselves. Hey maybe thats for s5 :) But I do think it’s a possibility that Mike may work at the video store with Steve and Robin, and she will pick up on Mike’s behavior and understand, whether she communicates that to him or not.

[celestiababie]

Yunho NSFW Alphabet A-Z

A= Aftercare (What they do/act like after sex)

 Yunho is literally the human embodiment of a teddy bear. After you two have finished, he’ll probably just lay on you, and kiss your neck. He just wants to cling onto you...before you two go for another round.

B= Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

 Yunho loves his smile the most and he knows you love it too. Whenever he flashes his bright smile at you, you get butterflies all over again, and he just adores that he has that effect on you. He loves your legs when you straddle him or just wrap them around him. Yunho loves the lazy days where you put your legs on his lap and just watch tv. He’s also quite the fan of putting them over his shoulders as he thrusts inside you.

C= Cum (Anything to do with cum… I’m a disgusting person)

 He gets carried away when he’s fucking you, so he often cums inside of you. When the two of you first had sex, both of you were so in the moment that you hadn’t realized that he came inside until a few minutes after. He panicked for a few seconds and apologized, but luckily you were able to calm him down by telling him that it was fine and that you were on the pill/clean. Ever since that day, he’s been hooked on cumming in you.

D= Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

 He really wants to fuck you against a mirror...preferably in the practice room. He’s had a few wet dreams about it, but he doesn’t want to bring it up, in case that you’ll be weirded out, and then he’ll end up embarrassed.

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

 Yunho has some experience, but not to the point where he could call himself a pro. He’s probably gotten/given head before and that’s about as much experience he’s had before you. He knows how to get you worked up and he knows how to use his body very well. DANCERS ARE THE BEST AT SEX IDC.

F= Favorite position (This goes without saying)

 Probably missionary, but with your legs over his shoulders. He loves holding your legs up and rolling his hips into you, making sure that you feel him against the most sensitive within you.

G= Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Or are they more humorous?)

 This man-child is a clown! Do you really think that he’s gonna be completely serious? He will probably try and crack a joke here and there when he has sex with you. Whether you like that or not, he can’t hide his bright and goofy personality, even if it’s an intimate moment. 

H= Hair (How well-groomed are they?)

 Yunho trims regularly, but he’s not bare. He thinks that trimming makes everything look better and it’s just easier to maintain. Man-scaping shows character, folks.

I= Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

 He’s a giant teddy bear, and even though he’s very goofy, he’d be surprisingly intimate. He loves you and wants to express it both inside and outside the bedroom. Yunho is top quality boyfriend material, and he’d want to give you all the pleasure that you could handle. 

J= Jack off (Masturbation)

 He doesn’t jerk off that often, he can usually keep himself under control until he sees you. Sometimes if he just needed to release some of his energy, he’d rut against his pillow and send you the audio of him moaning. It would mainly be to try and convince you to come over or let him come over.

K= Kinks (One or more of their kinks)

 His tall ass has a size kink, y’all knew this was gonna be said. He didn’t care if you were even an inch shorter than him or a foot shorter than him, he’d still tease you for being smaller than him. Yunho adores how your body looks underneath him, there’s something about him being bigger than you that makes him feel like he can protect you. Yunho also has a slight exhibition kink, he likes the way his heart pounds from nerves, not knowing if someone was going to see both of you.

L= Location (Favorite places to do the do)

 As stated before, he has an exhibition kink, he believes that sex doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom at all times. Dressing rooms? On a balcony? Against a big window? He’s down for it all, but don’t worry, he’ll make sure no one actually sees... unless you’re into that.

M= Motivation (What turns them on?)

 Due to his size kink, sitting in his lap could get him a bit excited down there, it emphasizes how small you are compared to him, and he can easily tease you for it. Another thing that can get him doing would be teaching you how to dance/ dancing with you, he’s definitely tried to get you to do a sensual dance with him once or twice. If he sees your hips move a certain way or grind upon him, you can bet your ass that he’s gonna whisper in your ear about how much he wants to fuck you.

N= NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

 I personally believe that Yunho is a soft dom, so he wouldn’t want you to call you anything bad or degrading, he’d much rather praise you. You’re his baby, why would he want to be mean to his baby? 

O= Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

 He’s a sucker for getting head, he loves when you look up at him as you press kisses to tip. It’s not like he hates giving you head or is bad at it, he’s just average at the activity, he makes up for it with using his sexy ass hands though.

P= Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

 This one is tough... I guess that it would all depend on his mood, some days he’ll be rough and desperate for a good fuck, and other days, he’ll be slow and sensual. He has no preference, it really depends on how much tension there is and how needy you both are.

Q= Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex and how often?)

He's a fan of them. You two often have to rush due to fucking in slightly risky places, but he doesn't mind that at all. Sometimes, he treats it as it's a game, which one of you is gonna cum first or, how fast can he make you cum?

R= Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

 He has no problem taking risks and experimenting. He's curious about a lot of things and wants to try many things with you if you'll allow him to.

S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

 This boy has a lot of stamina, it’s scary. As a dancer, he’s able to have a lot of energy and on top of that, he’s a ball of energy in everyday life, so Yunho would be able to go multiple rounds. He’d want to keep going until you were too tired to keep your eyes open. Dis boi a freak lowkey.

T= Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)

 Poor baby would be confused by toys at first, but would slowly start getting more curious about them. He’d do mild research to find ones that would give you the most pleasure and then gift them to you. He’d be hesitant to use any toys on himself, but he’d give it a try if you really wanted to use them on him. 

U= Unfair  (How much do they like to tease?)

 He mainly teases you about your height, but other than that, he’s fair. He likes to give you what you want and even if he finds your begging adorable, he’d feel bad if he kept pleasure away from you...but if you make him jealous/ piss him off? Good luck.

V= Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

 L O U D. He’s not annoyingly loud, but he’s not afraid to moan and groan if something feels good. He has to be careful depending on the location you two are having sex, but even then, he’s moaning for you. 

W= Wild Card (Random headcanon)

 Yunho had invited you over, all the boys were over, but he figured that you were comfortable enough to hang out with all of them. The 9 of you were sitting in the living room, your legs were on the taller male’s lap and he was softly caressing your leg as the rest of the boys were being loud.

  Jongho had noticed the older male’s hand on your leg and he narrowed his eyes at the both of you, throwing a pillow at Yunho. 

“Hyung, touch your girlfriend somewhere else!”

 The other boys had suddenly shut up and looked over at the two of you. Some were confused, some were flustered at the thought and a particular someone was smirking (Wooyoung). You hid your face behind your hands and took your legs off of your boyfriend’s lap. He pouted and made a bold move, pulling your entire body into his lap and kissing your neck. 

  “I’ll touch her where ever I want.” He muttered against your neck. The boys cleared their throats and contemplated whether or not they should just leave the room...

They didn’t, they kept talking, but couldn’t help but glance at the couple who were almost ready to rip each other’s clothes off.

X= X-Ray (Lt’s see what’s going on in those pants)

 He’s a big boi and has sexy hands, so I think he’s above average. He has a decent amount of girth to him and a plus would be that he knows how to use his hips. Big dick+dancer hips= fucking amazing sex. I don’t make the rules.

Y= Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

 He wants sex a lot more than he’d like to admit, he has so much energy that he wants to let out, and sex is a great way to release all that energy. He’s clingy and that clinginess will often lead to him needing you sexually. I’d say he’d want sex about 5 days out of the week.

Z= ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)

It depends on how many rounds you two did. Usually, he wouldn’t feel that sleepy if it was a standard night of sex, but if it was a night where you two were at it like rabbits...maybe he’d get a little tired, but he rarely does.

[madzilla84]

VidCon London 2020

I wrote up some rambly thoughts on Vidcon, my trip, and Phil day!

I arrived in London the night before the others, last Thursday (a week ago?? WOT), so went straight to my friend’s place in London – we went to a pub near his for pizza, and while I was there I saw Dan’s cute tweet. After a few wines, it made me super emotional as you can imagine. I love him. <3

We had some more drinks once we got back, which made the next morning … well.

Friday – Day 1

YUP, HANGOVER. But luckily not a ‘can’t function’ hangover, so once I’d packed up I made my way over to the Airbnb (it was fuckin WIMDY) to leave the luggage (too early to check in). The previous occupants were a group of Lads who’d left the place in a state, so it was still being cleaned. HONESTLY BOYS SMH)

Then I headed to the complex’s on-site café (ooh errr) and spent some time trying to figure out what to write in the card I wanted to give to Phil. My roomies @yikesola, @ahappydnp and @calvinahobbes arrived a little later and we checked into the flat, and basically hung out and chatted until it was time to head to registration. Which was a good decision as the line was super small on Friday night. Gotta say, the feeling of seeing Phil so big and so central on all the banners and posters for the con made me feel so proud of him. As other people have mentioned, there was some – curiosity, I guess? Worry? – about whether it would be weird seeing him there doing his first event like this on his own in a *very* long time, but somehow it wasn’t, at any point.  

We spotted Martyn checking in further down the hall, which was probably the first moment it all started to Feel Real. We (slightly awkwardly at first in my case lol) met a bunch of online folks in the registration area, and tagged along for a cable car ride over the river (did I mention it was WIMDY) to the O2 arena for dinner. When we all sat down to eat I realised I was sitting opposite two friends from IDB! \o/ We headed back after the meal to hang out and PREPARE for what was about to come.

Saturday - Day 2 - PHIL DAY

We started off by going for breakfast – naturally pancakes – and then headed across to the con. The first event of the day was the comedy panel that Phil was on, so we went across to the panel room early and ended up sitting through the panel before that one, ‘Out and Online’, which was probably – Phil notwithstanding – the better of the two I saw.

During that first panel – and really all morning up to that point – I’d started to feel increasingly nervous. I’d never met Dan or Phil before, and the fact it was happening imminently was suddenly hitting me. Not to mention it was very hot in the panel room that day, and – yeah. By the time the LGBT+ panel finished, I was just like the *screaming internally* meme.

The only other time I’d seen D&P in person with my own eyes was at Interactive Introverts – non-VIP, and I was quite far from the stage, so I couldn’t see them well, y’know? So when the panellists walked in for the comedy panel, I turned around and saw Phil properly in person for the first time. And… wow. I’m sure I hardly need to tell anyone on this forum how attractive he is, but I was just blown away by how beautiful he is in person. He just seems to, like, glow. 

And I was absolutely in love with his jacket, which I thought was new at first (it took me a while to place it was the one from the II promo photos). He just looked wonderful, and I went full Heart Eyes Motherfucker as he took his seat with the others. And once I’d actually seen him, somehow I felt less anxious and stressed. 

The panel was okay – I wasn’t familiar with the other attendees and I’m not sure theirs is the sort of content I’d necessarily watch – lots of prank vids and the like, but they def had some fans in the room. But it was obvious the majority of the attendees were there for Phil, and I noticed him looking around the room at all the people there for him throughout, making eye contact with lots of people. I’m sure he made brief eye contact a couple of times, which made me go !!!!! It was obvious the panelists were at quite different stages of their careers, which was a little dissonant sometimes, but also quite sweet – Phil was very encouraging to the younger, more inexperienced members of the panel, which was very lovely. Lucky them to have such a kind senpai.

After that we only had a quick break (mainly to down water after being boiled to death in the panel room) before it was time to get in line for Phil’s meet and greet. The wait for him to arrive was weirdly fast but also interminably long, and I spent most of it panicking about what I was going to say to Actual Phil Lester in a matter of minutes. 

But soon enough he arrived, shook hands with the photographer, did a lil hop to wave to everyone in the crowd who was waving at him, and then off we went.

I wasn’t sure what to expect – I’ve had pics before with celebs at conventions, and every con is different in how they handle photos. Some really rush you through, but this one was pretty good, I thought – you had plenty of time to say whatever you wanted to say, or give gifts – I thought we were supposed to leave them in a box somewhere, but no, we were to give them directly to Phil, who had a little table to put them on. Obviously I wanted to give him a hug, too, but would I be too awkward to ask for one once I actually got up there, I wondered?

But as it turned out I needn’t have worried; I could watch people meeting him from where we were in the line, and from the very first person, he opened his arms for a big hug from everyone who went up to meet him. Watching people running into his arms was making me really emotional – he just has such a great connection with his people. You could tell he was happy to be there and liked meeting us all. He took so many cute photos with people. We noticed he had a Sharpie and was signing things, which we hadn’t been told about beforehand, so I hadn’t brought anything special - ended up getting him to sign my con badge as a souvenir.

There were 3 of us, and @yikesola took one for the team and volunteered to go first. I watched how much fun they were having, how easily they chatted and hugged and posed for their cute photo and thought to myself, please don’t be a total buffoon when you go up there…

Soon enough it was my turn. Walking up for these things is always nervewracking and awkward – except this time, once it was time, Phil turned around, looked at me, smiled and opened his arms and I knew it would be okay.

I walked over and hugged him, and he probably had to bend down quite a lot, lol. I reached up over his shoulder to hug him, which meant being on tiptoes, of course; as many people have said in the past, he didn’t let go until you did. He was so gentle. <3 I maybe hugged him for a little longer than I might usually with someone I didn’t know because of it; he just has such comforting and welcoming vibes. And no, before anyone asks, I didn’t notice what he smelled like – we were talking about it after and I don’t think any of us did. I don’t in general unless someone’s wearing reasonably strong perfume/cologne, I don’t think, unless I’m hugging them for a really long time. ANYWAY.

The now-famous jacket (which looked so good!!) was soft AF. I handed over my lil gift – he spotted the chocolate and was pretty happy about that.

I then had a little time to talk to him but, like, how do you condense into a few seconds what someone means to you, how much they’ve helped you or how much you appreciate them? So I ended up going with one of the main reasons I came to love Phil so much as a creator – someone around my age still making such fun content. I don’t mean it like, ‘wow, at your age!!’ lol, which I’m not sure he would have appreciated, more like – when you get to a certain age, people often expect you to leave certain interests and behaviours aside (we see it all the time with these ‘ew people over 30 in fandom?? Gross’ posts), and Phil is still being himself and doing what he wants and not letting that affect him, and I just think that’s really great and it’s meant a lot to me. So we talked about that a bit. He said you should be able to be creative at any age. <3 Talking to him wasn’t like I expected – I don’t know what I expected, really, but I thought he might have more of a – nervous energy, maybe? Or just a bit more – y’know, ‘AmazingPhil’? But no, he was chill and confident and had this ease about him that was so comforting in person. I know he’s an introvert and probably holed up on the couch for a week after meeting all those people (hard same), but he really is so good at talking to people and making them feel at ease; everyone looked so happy walking away from him.

About halfway through the convo I had to work really hard to keep my brain on track and not just descend into babbling nonsense because he was looking me in the eye and listening attentively and bruh!!! That is … a hell of a thing! Not only is he so beautiful, but he really listens, and cares about what you’re saying, and is actually interested and not just going ‘uh huh, uh huh …’ like other celebs can do. His expression and demeanour was so friendly and open and welcoming, and honestly I just felt like I could talk to him for hours.

We then posed for the official photo they took, and hugged for it – when I’ve had other photo ops in the past where I’m standing close to the person I’ve been prone to nervous giggling, but this time I felt really relaxed and happy.

And that was it! I reluctantly said goodbye and headed off and was so flustered I a) forgot my little card to collect my photo, the guy had to chase after me, though it looked like everyone was doing that because they were on cloud 9, and b) picked up someone else’s sequin Dan bag from the bag pile. (Which I immediately noticed because I had a keychain and pin on mine, but I mean they *are* identical.) We went to get food and download our photos and watch all the videos we took. Even though I now had pics, I still almost couldn’t believe it was actually real.

And, wow. We were just floating for the rest of the day. It was such a wonderful, positive experience and I’m so glad it worked out that I was able to meet Phil. I didn’t think I could love him more but after that day I definitely did. Obviously, because it’s me, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I said to him and how I said it and was it the right thing and did I say it right and lejslkdjkjfkdhks, but at the end of the day he was lovely, I said more or less what I wanted to say (of course there’s more I’d have wanted to say, but there’s never enough time), and it went wonderfully well. So I really shouldn’t worry too much.

We paid a quick visit to the AP shop booth in the Expo Hall – they didn’t have a ton of stuff but they had all the t-shirts (I think it was just all the t-shirts, corgi jumper, corgi keychains, glitch hoodie), so I bought the yellow Try New Things shirt from Sarah. (And got a free pixel Phil sticker; they really want to get rid of those huh)

The only other Phil-event for the day was his appearance at the Night of Awesome that evening, so we went along for that. Apparently the theme of the evening was ‘collaboration’, so most of the performers didn’t appear by themselves aside from a couple of music acts. But it quickly descended into madness – most of the performances were some sort of challenge which involved the loser getting a pie to the face or gunged – i.e. perfect Saturday night entertainment if you’re ten. So maybe it was more aimed at kids, I thought, until one of the music acts started swearing up a STORM and a load of horrified parents started dragging their kids out while I almost died trying not to laugh. There was a lot of TikTok stuff, but the animators challenge was pretty good and a couple of the music acts were great.

You probably read about the guy who crashed the performance to make an offensive anti-trans joke and then got chased out by security … when I figured out who it was later I wasn’t surprised, he’s done stupider shit in the past, but Vidcon didn’t react very well to it right away. Throughout the event I generally thought security and staff were very good, but they really dropped the ball on this. The music act gamely carried on though, as did a number of other acts after them, and *just* as everyone had pretty much lost the will to live, Phil randomly appeared on stage with Kian and JC (…no, me neither) along with a science Youtuber. Yay! I thought his bit was really cute; kind of random but that made sense when he explained the original plan had gone awry shortly before the show started. He was *so* into it and I thought it was so sweet how, again, he kept looking for his people in the crowd. He was so confident on stage and even when the stuff he was being asked to do was so random and weird he just owned it, went for it and made it funny. Thomas Sanders came on after science!Phil to do a very wholesome set which kind of saved the evening, lol.

And that was the end of Phil day! Naturally we had to order Domino’s in the evening after our emotional and intense day (and to recover from whatever tf most of that concert was). I feel like I’ve become some sort of addict, and now the rest of my existence will be sad and grey until I can hug Phil again (which might well be never). I have peaked. I also remembered what I like so much about (good) conventions; being with your people and feeling so free to express yourself and what you love - between the phannies and the fanders there were so many pride flags, and so many people walking around wearing merch. (Also it was the first con I’d ever been to where there were no cosplayers! Which is unsurprising given it’s youtube fandom, but still – new experience.)

Sunday - Day 3

Sunday we slept in after staying up until like 3am chatting (whoops), so I missed jacksepticeye’s panel but I did get to the Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher one, which was really funny. I wish I’d gotten to meet the boys but what can you do. I also went to the Expo Hall and met PJ (who was very nice, and friendly!! But had exactly that nervous energy I was talking about earlier, which I’m more accustomed to when I meet celebs at cons; Phil really is something special), and bought a few enamel pins, because ENAMEL PINS.

And then … the worst bit of any con, people started to leave. :( My 3 roomies left first, which was the worst bit of the weekend. I ended up tagging along with some twitter friends to get coffee, and we ended up sitting around for like 3 hours outside the cloakroom because no one wanted to leave.

We found out about Dan’s half marathon during this time, and I know people have this view of phannies like we’re all obsessive, invasive weirdos who just want to find out things for – I dunno, clout? But honestly everyone there was so proud of him and just like the whole weekend, it was great to be with people who understood. Like, I can hardly tell a co-worker that a youtuber I follow ran a marathon, they’d be like - okay, and…? So it was nice to sit there and sort of – celebrate it, in our own lil way.

We all parted ways on the train - I went back to my friend’s and watched Phil’s liveshow there, which was really a perfect way to end the weekend. I’m glad it sounded like he had such a nice time at Vidcon. Someone tweeted about him seeing all the people who had come to see just him and how excited they were to see him, and that warmed my heart. And hopefully his too.

The next day I returned to the Excel to have pizza lunch with the last two friends who were still in town, which really helped with the post-con blues, and then it really was it. Since then I’ve been hanging out at my friend’s flat and taking a couple of trips out to various shops or whatever, but I’ve mostly been tired and lazy and catching up on sleep a bit.

As I mentioned, I’m now a filthy addict. I will be … keeping an eye on future vidcons/events, for sure. >_> And I might be back in London in April, maybe. >_> many thoughts head full

[createdbybadhands]

My story

So, here goes. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing but, for some reason, this morning when I woke up I felt the need to anonymously share what my story is. I don’t tend to talk about the experience I have had or how it’s led me to what I’m currently doing, because I don’t know how people will react. 

So maybe I should drop the whole I’m mentally ill bomb. 

I’m mentally ill.

There it’s dropped. 

This post will feature details of peri-natal mental health.

So on December 14th 2018 I found out that I was pregnant. My then fiance, now husband, was recovering from a back operation and that moment of showing him the pee stick, with joyful tears streaming down my face, he awkwardly pulled himself from the chair and slowly made his way to me so that we could share a hug in the moment. 

Sadly my pregnancy was awful, the above is probably the happiest moment that would resemble a hallmark gift card we had. Before you get pregnant, you imagine it will be this amazing, I feel so special, experience. The pressure to be constantly giddy was extreme. Obviously, I knew about the not so nice parts, morning sickness, the need pee...constantly and suddenly hating what was my favourite foods and drinks. 

Also, the coffee withdrawal was real. 

But I didn’t know that you could be depressed and so anxious that you can’t leave the house alone. 

It crept up on me, week by week the feelings got heavier, the anxiety took over. I stopped driving because I was so scared that I would crash, or how and where do I park? (the works car park was insane at this time). As March came up, my husband realised that I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t go to uni anymore (I was doing a masters in design), especially if I knew friends was working from home. I used to get the train to Bristol to go to uni, but it became this metal beast that induced heart palpitations and just the thought of boarding it. My husband encouraged me to seek help. Thankfully, my appointment was with the best GP I have ever met, he was kind, understanding and listened without judgement. He explained that hormones really can mess you up and signed me off work. 

All this seemed temporary, but, blimey, it most certainly wasn’t. As time went by I got iller, I went onto anti-depressants and went to counselling, but I wasn’t making progress.  My midwife, an amazing woman who went above and beyond for me, she referred me onto mental health services, which eventually meant I was taking on by the perinatal mental health team. And I was so fortunate to have this support. I was also going to classes for expectant mums who may be struggling in some way, they were also so amazing, I can’t tell you how amazing they really were. I was suddenly surrounded by people who understood that little bit more. My friends, they tried, and some were brilliant, but others stuck their foot in it, accidentally, but still... awkward. I couldn’t handle the comparisons from what I was going through to what they thought I was going through. Being told I was just stressed because I took too much on, some how blaming me for the failings of the hormones in my body. Like I chose to be ill. 

As time went on I differed my final year at uni, I wasn’t able to do the work. I tried to go back to work, but couldn’t. I also had a wedding to plan (just to clarify, not a shotgun wedding we booked the date way before I found out I was pregnant) but my husband had to take on a lot of the wedding planning, bless him, he took on a lot.

So fast forwarding a bit, this time was a lot of crying, sitting and eating, it wasn’t a pretty sight. I tried to prep for baby coming, but every time we went to buy something I had a panic attack, even just looking at clothes, because it had to be perfect, I had to be perfect but didn’t know how to be. 

I should quickly clarify, a lot of my thoughts weren’t about not wanting a baby, it was about me not being good enough for her and she’d be better off if I wasn’t here. 

So a little more fast forwarding, despite having such amazing support, my mental health deteriorated further and at 35 weeks pregnant I voluntarily went into a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU). 

For those who don’t know, MBU’s are mental health wards for mothers who are suffering from perinatal mental health illness. At the time, I was talked into going, because I didn’t want to be away from my husband. The closest MBU is still an hours drive away in a different town. 

I didn’t think I would be there long, maybe a couple of weeks. I was very wrong. I found out that the average stay is 6 weeks (I was actually there for 3 months), this meant I would have my baby there, which I hated the idea of. 

Again, the people who worked with me were so brilliant and so caring. They saved my life. I am fortunate to have met them all (even the one person who worked there that wound me up, and had very poor tv choice ha). It’s strange looking back at the MBU. I have a fondness for the staff, but a hatred for having to be there. It’s odd. You felt constantly watched, because you was. I had my own room but they would come look through a little window to make sure your ok, every hour, even through the night. It’s bizarre how used to it you become. You also had baby monitors in your room, in case you needed help with the baby, but it also felt weird to know I could be heard (I could switch it off when with visitors or on the phone, they weren’t that nosey). 

Last night I had the weirdest feeling, I was in bed in the dark, alone and suddenly I felt like I was there again, like they were going to look through the window and I should hide that I was awake because I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes when you saw the torch shine through so they could look at you I would hide my phone or what ever I was doing, not because I was doing anything wrong but because I didn’t want to talk about why I was still awake, even with sleeping tablets. 

Oh my this post has got long, fair play if you’re still reading. 

So what this long rambling is saying is that, my motherhood journey so far hasn’t been your usual run of the mill. After leaving hospital I received my diagnosis, one of them was post-natal psychosis. They never explained this diagnosis to me, I didn’t know about it until this letter was sent, so I have no idea what part of me was that, presumably the belief that my daughter hated me and I shouldn’t be here. I was also diagnosed with severe reoccurring depression and anxiety, fun right? 

Now this get to the creative stuff, so before all of the above happened I was studying a masters in design, my practice was a little uncertain. I very much worked with 3D printing, electronics and coding. I just hadn’t nailed the direction I wanted to go in. I also lacked some finalisation in my work. During my last year I was doing a really fun project with automation and character, making ways to interact with your surroundings (such as a light switch) by remote and a character, e.g. an astronaut, would complete it. 

The idea was to turn any room into a smart room in a temporary, cost effective way. 

Things have changed since then, a side to me no one knew existed was awakened. When I was in the MBU I was taught how to crochet, now everyone was surprised I took this on. I never had any inclination to do this before, but I loved it. I made a Yoda, who doesn’t love a Yoda. Everyone said I picked it up really quickly and how good I was doing. I didn’t actually enjoy the other craft activities much because I had a sense of perfection that I couldn’t escape, but because crochet was new I could let go of this perfectionism. 

I have carried on with this thought process into other crafts, I went to (pre lockdown) some workshops for mums with mental health trouble and learnt some more crafts. The biggest shocker was sewing, just ask my mum I have always HATED sewing, now I love it. I have learnt how to do embroidery and making my daughter a quilt. It’s freeing. And now I feel like a better designer because I allow myself to fail, which has always been my problem and held me back. I always wanted to acheive the best straight off the bat, it’s nice to let go of that. 

This blog is going to be me being brutally honest, I’ve been through a lot and want a platform to be honest. I know no one is really going to read it but hey ho. It’s also going to be my creative journey. 

Also, no one talks about MBUs and mental health during pregnancy. The only thing I had seen about it was an awful episode of the good doctor where a mother took medication for her mental health to then have a sickly child, of which the blame is placed on her for taking the meds. That’s not the whole episode, there is some other interjections in there but that’s what I saw, whilst being pregnant taking medication, a tad unhelpful.  

Don’t worry this post is coming to an end, mainly as my baby has woken from her nap, so for today toodles. 

[katandabbieslife]

Saturday, December 15th, 2018. End of Semester/Holiday Party for friends!

On Saturday, the 15th, we had a party to celebrate the end of the semester, the beginning of a month long winter break, and the holiday with a small group of our best friends. We woke up about 8am, jumped in the shower and washed each other, had a small make-out session, some light fingering and playing with the water dong shower attachment. We talked about the party and everything we had to do to get ready. We’re college girls, we’re not the best housekeepers. We walk in the house at night, we drop keys, books, kick off our shoes, and start shedding clothing. The bra is always first. Depending on the temperature, pants are next. It’s not uncommon to have to go to the chair in the living room to get a bra in the morning. We are messy! That’s all there is to it. We try to do better, but with school and homework, housekeeping gets in the way sometimes.

We enjoyed our shower, and each other with some kissing, and within a minute, I was on my knees and Kat’s legs was over my shoulder while I had her backed against the shower wall and my face between her legs. I ran my tongue up and down her gorgeous, and slippery little slit. Running my tongue back to her asshole, teasing it lightly with my tongue before running my hand up the back of her leg and pressing against her opening before she pushed back and relaxed her tight little butthole to accept my middle finger and slipping it inside just as I sucked her clit between my lips and began flicking my tongue back and forth over it. Her hand was on the back of my head and began grinding into my mouth as she pulled me in harder. After a few minutes of licking and sucking her clit and on her soft inner lips, my tongue began to tire. I began kissing my way up her belly, up to her tits, and to her neck. She let her back slide down the shower wall until she sat on the bench. I leaned down, kissing her, sucking on her tongue, as I slid my hand down and massaged her clit to bring her to a leg shaking orgasm. As I settled down on her thigh, still kissing, and making out with her, I began grinding my wet little mound against her leg, with one hand twisting and pinching her nipples. My hands made their way up to cup her face as I kissed her with all the passion I had in me while feeling her arms around me and her hand as she brought it front and center to give me something else to rub against. Rocking my hips and grinding against her had me shaking on her lap within a minute and half. I slumped my head over her shoulder, against the wall for a moment before grabbing the shampoo and plopping a bit in my hand and massaging it into her hair as I sat, still slowly grinding on her thigh. We both finished washing up, drying off and getting ready to face the day and get ready for our holiday/end of semester party.

We had laundry to do since we had to pack the next day for a month away on winter break. We also had to vacuum, dust, and run the dishwasher. We finished in the shower and jumped out to dry off. I dried myself and wrapped the towel around my head, brushed my teeth and left the bathroom to find Kat already plugging the vacuum cleaner in and getting ready to clean. She just looked at me and said “Nuh Uh! You have got to put something on or we’ll never get the house ready!” Still standing there with only my towel around my head and nothing else, her in panties and a Tee shirt, I casually walked over, slid my hands up her thighs, under her shirt and up her sides, then in a quick smooth motion, slipped her shirt off and up over her head, put it on and just bounced away, giggling like a mischievous little pixie. She gave me a smirky little grin, as if to say “You sneaky little bitch!” I sorted and started the laundry and after the first load was in, I loaded the dishwasher. While Kat was still cleaning in the living room, I started making our shopping list for the day and luckily, only had to get food. Mainly just snack foods, like a cheese and cracker tray. We had a request for Totino’s Pizza rolls and ranch dressing. We also got like 5 foot long subs from Subway to cut in short lengths. The Alcohol was handled Wednesday night by way of mass text! Not sure what to get, I sent out a group text to everyone coming and took requests. I had to get Absolut, Captain Morgans Spiced Rum, A bottle of Patron, and possibly the most expensive bottle of Vodka I have ever purchased in my life, but it was for Kat and I. I ordered a Bottle of Fallen Angel vodka for Kat and I a few weeks ago at $185 for a little over a pint, but it came in a really cool devils head bottle, two shot glasses with the logo and a pourer. We each had one shot and put it on our shelf.  

It was 11:00am and we’d finished most of the cleaning and put another load of laundry in the washing machine, got ready, then ran out to do some shopping. We had 9 hours so we finished up some Christmas shopping, stopped by the UPS store, to send the gifts to her parents, We’d be there before they arrived on Tuesday or Wednesday anyway, and it’s cheaper than stuffing it all into another suitcase and paying baggage fee’s. We grabbed lunch, stopped by Forever 21 to just look around for a bit and ended up in the fitting room for a little make-out session. I may or may not have fondled Kat while she was trying on a dress, but I could not resist! Her gorgeous little ass was in my face as she bent over to pull the dress up and I had to bite it! We finished shopping and headed home, stopping on the way to place the order at Subway to pick up later.

I spent the day, off and on, talking to friends online. Some heading home for winter break or those who left Friday and were already home. We ran out around 6:30pm to grab the sandwiches and were home by 7:15 to cut them into short sections and put them on plates and get all the other food ready. We got dressed, both of us in leggings and I wore a loose top and a bralette underneath while Kat wore an off the shoulder top and a strapless bra. I chose to go commando in my leggings since they were laced up to the waist band on both sides and I never got my undies out of the dryer before I was getting dressed. I also don’t mind showing off my hips, or my body, in person, for that matter.

Our apartment isn’t huge and we only invited 8 of our friends who we consider our closest friends. Counting Kat and myself, there were 6 girls, 4 guys, or 4 couples, and 2 friends who are single (secretly hoping to get them together.) All of which have seen us or we’ve seen them in various states of undress. A couple of them, we have had full on sexual experiences with, Heather and Madi. Heather being one of the two singles we invited and Madi, one of the three other couples. We all knew how the night may go, and our biggest rule when we all party is the phones are left on the shelf by the door. We are there to have fun with friends at the party and not those who are not. We’re also not there to sit around and play on Twitter, Snap, Instagram, or whatever app we all get consumed by these days. One thing I usually try to do anyway is leave my phone in the hotel room, in my bag, or elsewhere when hanging out with friends.

Sometime between 7:30 and 8pm, Madi and her boyfriend had shown up and I walked over, stood on my tippy toes and gave Madi a smooch on the lips, turned and wrapped my arms around her boyfriend for a hug and squeezed his ass while I was at it. This elicited a laugh and a “hey hey hey” from Madi as she slapped my ass. Kat walked up and followed suit with a kiss for Madi and a hug for her man. The others showed up over the next 15 to 20 minutes. We had an EDM music channel on playing on the TV. As we all sat around and just talked about our plans for the holidays, we sipped on some drinks, had some snacks, and played some “Cards Against Humanity” for a bit.

We talked about the party last year, when I was running behind getting ready and was actually in the shower when everyone started arriving. Kat being the evil monkey she can be sometimes, snuck into the bathroom, grabbed my clothes and towel and left me in the shower with nothing to wear. I ended up walking through the apartment in front of everyone, naked as can be, only glaring at Kat as I walked through to our bedroom saying “You didn’t think I would do it, did you?” and her response was ” I was counting on it.” To which I replied “Of course it was” thinking back on all the naked pizza delivery and room service challenges she got me to do since we’ve been together.   This year, I was ready before anyone got there so I had no worries, at least not yet.

Just to give you an idea of our smaller, more private parties for our closest friends, here is a video of the type of party we enjoy. pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5aec6074b411f

We like to play party games, but always revert to middle and high school adolescent games like spin the bottle, truth or dare, suck and blow, or even 7 minutes in heaven. Most happen when we all get tipsy which was beginning as we started taking shots. A few shots later, “Truth or Dare” was brought up, and another incident from last years party was about to repeat itself. It started with most of us girls taking choosing truth and the guys choosing dares. We saw all four dicks within the first 10 minutes of playing. The truth questions started taking longer to come up with so when my turn rolled around, Kat asked and I chose Dare. My dare was a strip tease. (This is not me, but it gives you an idea of what I was doing.https://www.erome.com/a/ywfNUB8G ) I started gyrating my hips a little as I pulled my top off over my head, and I was told by one of the guys to “get your short little ass up on the coffee table so we can see you short stuff!” I stepped over to the table and one of the guys held my hand and elbow as I stepped up on the table they had cleared off. I continued by pulling off the bralette, and turning around to shake my 32C’s at everyone, sliding my hands down over my breasts and down my belly as I hooked my thumbs in my waistband, still gyrating and turning around as I wiggled them down over my ass and too my knees. My friend Alex stood up and held my hand as I stepped out of my leggings, and stood there, nude, except for my little pink ankle socks. Anxious to show off my pretty red pedi Kat and I got earlier in the day, I stepped on the toe of my socks and pulled my feet free from each. I continued dancing for another 20 or 30 seconds while the song on the music channel played, bending over with my ass facing everyone to give everyone a peek. I lowered myself by bending at the knees, sliding my hands down my legs, then as I stood, let my hands slide upward again and between my legs to brush my slit, which I could tell was getting wet just from all the attention I was getting. The girls were clapping, the guys were cheering, and I was off the hook for a few minutes as I looked at Madi and said “Truth or Dare?” Madi picked dare and not wanting to be the only naked girl there, I told her to take her shirt off. She blushed and turned red, turned her head for a minute and looked at her boyfriend and he shook his head yes.

Madi stood up and pulled her shirt up and over her head. She got ready to sit back down and I told her the Bra had to come off too and I got an “Aww Damn it!” and her boyfriend laughed. The others started picking dare and within a few turns, I was feeling more comfortable about being naked, especially since I was getting very tipsy and I wasn’t the only naked one there. I was feeling a bit chilled so I went to turn up the heat a little and set the thermostat to like 80 degrees. I figured the high heat would also help the others shed some clothes too. The guys were now beginning to shed clothes with one guy being totally nude and the others shirtless. One girl was dared to blow her boyfriend in front of us, which she happily did. I was dared to give one friend a handjob by his very own girlfriend. Her reasoning was “I know you don’t get to play with much dick and this is my Christmas present to you!” So I enjoyed it. I leaned down, worked up some saliva and let it fall to the head of his cock as I brought my thumb and fingers up over the tip to lubricate it a little. After a few seconds, he started thrusting in my hands as I was had both hands wrapped around his shaft, sliding back and forth. After a minute or so he started saying he was about to cum and I told his girlfriend to get over here as he began to cum, one small drop hitting my tit and the rest on her chest and belly as she settled in front of him and took him in her mouth as she cleaned him up. I got up, and saw Kat still in her long, baggy, off the shoulder shirt and said “Truth or Dare?” She chose dare and of course, her dare was to finish getting naked since like 6 or 7 of us already were totally nude or sitting around with clothes in our laps.

Kat smiled, raised her top over her head and then standing there, facing everyone, told me to unhook her bra. Kat has an amazing pair of 30B’s that are perfectly shaped for their size and she loves showing them off. I love seeing the look on her face when she does too. I’ve seen her many times yank her shirt up at the bar to flash people and she gets that cute little embarrassed grin. She enjoys being naked as much as I do.

 We were all very tipsy by now and one of the girls asked if there were any limits to the game. I said I was game for anything and everyone looked at each other and said they were up for it and I said if anyone was uncomfortable with any dare, to just let the group know and we’d just pick another dare. Heather was dared to blow the single guy in the group to finish. Within 2 minute he came down her throat and Madi stepped over to lock lips with her. One girl, Karen, was dared to taste me, which I promptly sat on the coffee table and spread my legs. As she ran her tongue up and down my slit, I put my hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer, while she sucked my pussy lips into her mouth with a little tug. She looked up from between my legs at Kat and asked “Truth or dare?” Kat chose Dare, and Karen looked at Kat, then at me, and said “I dare you to help blow my boyfriend!” I smiled and shook my head as Kat said “Ok!” then she walked over to kiss Karen, then looked at me and said “That tastes familiar!” after a few minute of sliding his cock between their lips and them making out with each other, Kat impaled her face on his stiff cock and took him to the base several times, to the cheers of the rest of the group. Karen placed her hand on the back of Kats heads and pushed her down a few times, then told her “I got this now.” Kat kissed her once more and then Karen sucked her boyfriend’s cock down her throat. Kat looked at me and said “Truth or Dare?” Since I was enjoying the way direction the party was going, I chose Dare. I was still laying on my back, on the coffee table, and up for anything. Kat looked at me with her evil grin and said “Masturbation show!” and my hand immediately shot down to my wet little cunt. As I began, I asked one of the girls “Truth or Dare?” she chose dare and I told her I wanted to see her with a cock in her mouth. Her Boyfriend smiled and stood up as she turned and let him slide inside. I turned my attentions back to myself. One hand slid up my belly and over my tit, grabbing my nipple and tugging it toward my mouth, then letting go and cupping my boob to force my nipple up to lick and suck on and I crammed two fingers deep inside my pussy, going for my G-Spot. I pulled my feet up on the edge and bucked my hips and ass up from the table. Madi walked over, leaned down and sucked my other nipple into her mouth, and with a small friendly bite and sucked as she pulled back and let it pop from her mouth, driving me crazy. Arching my back from the table with my cunt up in the air, the guys were watching and cheering, the girls were rubbing my legs and stomach while Kat had my ass in her hand. Within minutes, I was about to make myself cum as my feet slid off the edge of the table and my ass slapped back down and my legs went into convulsions. As I was laying there recovering, one girl chose Dare and was told to taste me, and she asked if she could take her turn real quick and then do it, everyone said yes and she looked at me while asking her boyfriend to put his cock inside me. I smiled and put my feet back on the edge of the table, and lifted my butt off the table to move around to face him as he leaned forward, his girlfriend put her hand on his ass and pushed him inside me several times, then pulled him out and leaned around and shoved his cock, coated with my juices, down her throat. She smiled and said that I tasted good, then leaned in for a few licks of her own and I was on the edge again.

There were a few more blowjobs given, and then the single guy was dared to fuck me and eat Kat at the same time so I got up from my comfy coffee table to let him lay back. I stepped back up on the table and straddled him as I lowered myself down onto his cock in the cowgirl position. A few seconds later, Kat stepped up on the table and lowered her pussy down to his mouth as her inner lips hung down just a little lower, she wiggled her ass from side to side, rubbing them across his lips before completely giving him access. I leaned forward and cupped Kats face as I bounced up and down on him, slipping my tongue past her lips, then sucking hers into my mouth. My hand made it up to her tits as I tweaked her nipples, and rolled them between my thumb and index finger, kissing her neck as she moaned from the attentions being given to her tight little pussy. Within 2 minutes, he tapped my thigh and I could hear a muffled “I’m gonna cum!” from under Kats wet little cunt, prompting me to raise up from him and stoke him off to finish on Kats belly and chest. Kat wiped her finger through a spot on her breasts and popped it in her mouth and sucked the cum from her finger just as Heather stepped over and ran her tongue up Kats belly, slurping up most of his cum. She couldn’t reach what has run down towards Kats pussy and as Kat raised up, Heather finished cleanup on Kat, wrapping her mouth over Kat’s mound and sliding her tongue upwards from Kats slit to her belly button. My hand was on Heathers ass, squeezing and kneading it, and just about to slide my fingers inside her as she stood up with a smile, turned to me and kissed me deeply, not since my birthday party had Heather kissed me that forcefully.

My turn came around again and I was less tipsy so I chose truth. Karen asked “What is the sexiest thing you own? I bounced through the living room, into our bedroom and grabbed one of my Foxtails and popped the plug in my mouth to cover it with saliva and slid it into my pink little asshole. I walked back out into the living room with my hands behind my back. Using my hands, I swished it from side to side. One of the guys made a comment about it not being that sexy. I squinted my eyes at him, closed my lips tight, put my hands on my hips and turned around and bent over to show them it was actually a plug. A couple of them mentioned how hot they thought tail plugs are, a couple others were transfixed on my ass and the tail protruding from it, while Kat mentioned that was only part of a set she got me for my Birthday last year. I said I love Pet Play. One guy asked if it was the same as “Furries” and I explained Furries and Pet Play are totally different. “Furries” generally enjoy being in full costume, a lot like a full mascot costume, while Pet play involves ears, tails, sometimes “hooves”, collars and leashes.

The game was winding down and the couples were cuddling, having sex, oral or traditional, and I realized yet another party turned into kind of an orgy. Madi walked over and asked if we had any weed and Kat told her yes, they went into the bedroom where our bowl and stash was, everyone else was making out or otherwise engaged as Madison’s boyfriend walked over and asked if he could go in and I laughed and said “Of course. I’ll be in, in a minute.” I stood up and since I could feel my buzz leaving me, I grabbed the Absolut and took a couple big hits from the bottle and told everyone we’d be back in a few minutes and almost no one noticed. I stepped into the bedroom and Madi was lighting the pipe as she inhaled and Kat was laying on her back with Madi’s boyfriend had his fingers teasing Kat’s pussy and Kats rubbing her hands up and down his thighs. I walked over to Madi and put my arms around her belly and leaned my head against her arm. Kat had moved her hand to stroke his cock as I watched him tease her for a minute and then I leaned over to whisper in his ear “I want to see your cock in her.” He glanced over at Madi as she held the pipe up to my lips and lit it as I inhaled. She just said “Please baby, fuck her!” I reached over and grabbed his dick, gave it a few strokes, and guided him in as she hooked her feet around him and pulled him into her deep. I crawled up on the bed, beside Kat and started sucking her nipples and felt someone playing with my ass and pussy, assuming it was him, I wiggled my ass from side to side, then felt someone push me over on my side. I looked down to see Madison burying her face in my wet little cunt and sucking my lips inside and teasing my clit with her tongue. I looked to my right and saw pure Ecstasy on Kats face, staring at me and she mumbled “I love you so much baby girl.” We were in the moment, enjoying being pleasured my Madi and her boyfriend. I could feel Kat using her legs wrapped around him, pulling him into her with force and her grunting as he slammed into her. I looked down at Madi and her boyfriend had his right hand behind her, and from the way Madi was moving her hips, he had his fingers deep inside. I was ready to cum again and as my legs started to tense up, I could feel Madi’s breath quicken as she raised up to say she was about to cum and just hearing that pushed me over the edge. He started fucking Kat faster and I could tell Kat was cumming and then he pulled out and Madi turned to slide her mouth down over his cock and take every drop down her throat. Just then I heard someone say “That was so fucking hot!” and I looked over to see Heather and one of the other girls and her boyfriend standing there. His arms around his girlfriend with his hands rubbing her pussy as they watched the four of us fuck.

We all composed ourselves, got up to rejoin everyone in the living room only to notice one of the other couples gone. I had the munchies and stepped into the kitchen to grab a pizza roll to find the missing couple, she on the counter and him, knee’s on the floor with his face buried in her cunt, with her legs up and over his shoulders. We stepped back into the living room and the single guy we’d invited for Heather was sleeping in the recliner, naked. Heather thought she might blow him and to wake him, after 30 seconds, with no response at all from him, she withdrew his flaccid cock from her mouth and said “I give up.” with a laugh. Kat told her “It’s ok if you want to stay the night, we have something for you.” and I gave Heather a smile and shook my head yes. She smiled and grabbed her boots, pants and purse to put them in our room.

The others came in from the kitchen and smiled as they apologized for taking the kitchen for themselves and said that the other couple was on the bathroom having sex when they went to the kitchen.

As things were winding down, I turned the heat back down because people were putting clothes back on and getting ready to head home. Uber’s were ordered, cabs were called, and Single guy still out cold in the recliner. Madi and her boyfriend left, the same time Karen and her man left, the other couple left about 10 minutes later and I was wearing a long tee shirt with nothing else as I stepped out in bare feet to walk the out to the cab, as I turned around and she was talking to me and telling me to be careful, I said loudly “Hey Driver! Happy Holidays!” and flipped my shirt up in the back to show my bare ass, and bounced back up the sidewalk to the apartment. Back in the house, Kat and Heather had a sharpie, drawing faces on single guys dick. I laughed and asked if they thought it might be toxic. They asked why and I told them, if he wakes up while we’re playing, we might want him to join us, at which point Kat grabbed the sharpie from Heather and capped it real quick, saying  “Good Point!” he didn’t wake though. We threw a blanket over him and the three of us retired to our room, leaving the door open in case he woke. The three of us enjoyed each other before falling asleep, only to be woken up around 8:30am by a knock, with single guy telling us he was going to head home and thanking us for the party and telling Heather he’d call her. I jumped up, grabbed my robe and threw it on without tying it and letting him out the door and locking it behind him. I went back to bed and squeezed in between Kat and Heather to doze back off for a little longer. After we woke up, there was some slight regret from the night before in the form of headaches, and all around queasiness, asking each other and texting the others “Did I really do that?” along with apologies and other saying “Please don’t apologize, we loved it!” or something to that effect. Heather went home, and Kat and I spent the day packing for our 3 week long trip to our parent’s places for some time back home with Rick and Family. Unfortunately, Ricks bitch of a girlfriend was going to be there too. Later in the afternoon, Madi stopped by for instructions on House sitting for us since she and her family live in town and she’d be available to stop by to check on things and bring mail in every day or two.

Also, please know that I am aware I may not be the best, or most moral person for sleeping with another girls boyfriend. I have my reasons for it to not bother me. Not that you will agree, but his girlfriend is a gold-digger and just an evil bitch, for the most part, which you might begin to understand when I get around to posting about our time at the farm with her. She told Rick, last year “You better not be sniffing around your lesbian sisters little “dyke” girlfriend!” He also said she had wished various things on me, some involving violence that I will not go into here. Suffice it to say, I feel no guilt fucking her boyfriend at all. The way Rick looks at it, he’s just doing me a service and giving me real dick, while I’m doing him a service and getting him off while he gets to see his little sister and myself, naked.

More will be posted soon from our trip back home for the holidays.

-Abbie

[paperback-writers-blog1]

Valentines Day

By: Mod McCartney

Rating: NC-17

Paring: John/Paul

Summery: One year ago John made the biggest mistake of his life. With Valentines Day approaching can he finally make it right?

Warning: Adult themes

John had always known he was a stupid man. He seemed to specialise in fucking himself over at every opportunity. Most of his successes were due to someone elses input. Usually he didn’t care. ‘Fuck it’ he’d say to himself and move on. However there was one mistake he could never move on from, no matter how hard he tried. It still haunted him a year later, the way he had lost Paul.

Really, getting Paul was not difficult. At least, it wasn’t as difficult as John imagined. He always saw Paul as this unobtainable, higher being. As much as John had pined for him, he would tell himself Paul would end up with someone as gorgeous and flawless as himself and they would be a sickeningly perfect couple in a perfect house with the perfect jobs. Ugh. Of course, Paul did have flaws. And he didn’t want the life John had imagined for him, basically dating a clone of himself. While John had been obsessing over this imaginary life for his crush while putting himself down, Paul had been noticing more and more similarities between them. At first they had seemed like total opposites but as they got to know each other more, Paul noticed a more… two sides of the same coin dynamic. They had very similar dreams and motivations, however would handle them in wildly opposing ways. But their extremes complimented each other. Paul, the sweet charmer could very easily smooth any damage or upset John caused. John, the wild spontaneous adventurer would encourage Paul out of his shell more, helped him be that little more daring and less under his father’s thumb. It was therefore much easier than he had imagined for him to get Paul. Paul was already smitten with John, cool, older and rebellious. One night of heavy drinking, John had simply turned up at Pauls home. Words failed him, but the booze made him bolder and he simply kissed the younger man. The next day he had woken up with Paul snuggled against his chest. After coffee and an explanation from Paul, they were boyfriends. Although nothing was officially said, it was more than obvious. They did everything together, went everywhere together and when they were apart were constantly talking or thinking about the other. When they finally found each other again their embraces and kisses were like they had been apart for years. Of course a candle burning that brightly wears out very quickly. John always cursed himself thinking about that night. What was worse, it was Valentines. John had planned a romantic surprise for Paul. With Mimi away for the week, he had planned a dinner and a little pamper session for Paul. He was excited but a little nervous. What if Paul didn’t like it? What if it was too much? So he did what he always did when he panicked. Drank. Just a beer for courage. That didn’t work as he hoped so maybe another. When the beers weren’t working, he dipped into whiskey. By the time Paul arrived (exactly on time as usual) John was roaring drunk. Paul wasn’t that bothered. He had seen it all. However because of his insecurities John was feeling particularly nasty. And with no one else to tease and snipe at, Paul was the only victim of his poisonous tongue. At first he had tried to ignore it, brush it off as John being drunk and stressed from the planning. But as the night wore on, with wine and Paul not reacting like John wanted, he got more vicious. Paul asked him to stop, why was he being like this? The tears in his doe eyes gave John that sick satisfaction that he was getting to his victim. John didn’t stop. He pushed and pushed until Paul just couldn’t take it. And as easily as the relationship had started, they had ended. John had woken up the next day on the couch. The only evidence of dinner was the neatly stacked dishes on the draining board, no doubt courtesy of Paul. Upstairs Johns room was untouched. The slightly cheesy romantic setting he had worked hard on was still there. Confused he had tried calling Paul and had been told in no uncertain terms by Mike to not call again. That only caused more confusion and John had to go to George for answers. George was Pauls best friend. John had no doubt he would tell him everything. It took a good few days but finally he got his answers. He immediately regretted it. He never meant to hurt Paul! He tried all sorts to get Paul back but to no avail. The damage had been done and was far too fresh. The problem was, George was dating John’s best friend. It made for some uncomfortable situations, mainly birthday celebrations.

Now a year later, and 2 days before Valentine’s Day, John was lying in his bed plagued by thoughts of Paul. He didn’t want to move on. He didn’t want to date others. He wanted Paul. He wanted to smother him in affection and hear that cute giggle, see those big eyes filled with adoration for him, kiss those soft lips again. Part of him thought Paul probably had someone new. He was too damn attractive and sweet to stay single for long. Still, John would curse himself forever if he didn’t at least try. He needed to know for certain he had completely ruined any chance. Tomorrow was the 13th and the day John would start this little plan. And despite the nerves creeping in, he wouldn’t touch a drop. He’d do this properly. After a little planning and preparation, John fell into an uneasy sleep.

********************************

Paul woke up bright and early as usual. At first, it was just an ordinary day. He wandered downstairs for some breakfast, thinking he might call around Georges later, see if he was up to anything. His thoughts were interrupted when he cast a glance over his dads’ paper. Feb 13th. Paul felt sick. Was it already nearly Valentine’s day? Fuck. He had had offers, of course he had. Including a very sweet one from George to hang out and have a ‘friends date’. He said Richie didn’t mind celebrating on a different day. But Paul declined them all. Because it shouldn’t be like this! He should be celebrating properly with John! Even after all this time he couldn’t believe the things John had said to him that night. But the conviction he said them… and the way he seemed to enjoy Pauls hurt. Paul sighed and made himself some tea. He found he couldn’t face the world today. Give it a few days and all the shops would be focused on Easter. Valentine’s Day would be a long forgotten memory until next year. When he had finished his drink he intended to hide away in his bedroom for as long as possible. He had no doubt George would be around to check on him. Paul spent the morning making his room into a little blanket fort, stocked it with snacks and drinks and plenty of entertainment. It had worked very well. He felt better in his little world where this damn holiday didn’t exist. It must have been two or three in the afternoon when Paul heard the knock at the door. He paused confused. He had been expecting George, but he wouldn’t knock. He figured maybe his dad or Mike had ordered something, and forced himself downstairs to answer the door. When he opened the door he was greeted with a woman in a uniform holding a rather large and pretty bouquet. Paul accepted the delivery, taking the card that went with it and thanking the lady. He thought nothing of it, assuming it was for Mike. He had stuff like this all the time. He played the field quite a bit and seemed to be perpetually stuck in the honeymoon period of relationships. He should’ve guessed there would be gifts for him today and probably tomorrow too. Paul took them to the sink to let them sit in water until Mike got home. He felt a little pang of sadness looking at them. Among the romantic red and pink roses were some of Pauls favourite flowers, simple daisies and lilies. He sighed, a little part of him wishing he had someone to send him something so sweet and romantic. He couldn’t help it. Paul was the romantic sort, totally putty for the very cute and often a little cheesy romantic surprises that came around this time of year. He had, in a wild moment, thought of sending something to John. But he wasn’t as taken by the romance as Paul and would probably think it was dumb or too slushy for him. With a little wistful sigh Paul went to put the card on the kitchen table so Mike would find it when he got in. He went to leave then did a double take. That couldn’t be right…. Could it? He carefully picked up the envelope again and re read it over and over as if his wishful thinking was making him see things. He traced his fingers over the print, maybe he could wipe away the delusion and would see Mikes name underneath. But no matter what he did, it still said in plain black print, Mr J. P. McCartney. Only a few people used or even knew his first name was James. Maybe it was George and Richie trying to help him feel better. Cautiously he opened it. The card slipped out into Pauls hand. He expected some cutesy cartoon or a for a special friend on the front. That was something George would do. But there wasn’t. It was… confusing yet slightly familiar. There was no words on the front, just pictures. Black and white photo fragments of places and events that called to Paul. He recognised the birthday cake in one photo, but the head had been cut off the person standing over it, no doubt blowing the candles. There were shots clearly taken around Liverpool, some of his favourite places to go around the Docks and parks. Occasionally there was an arm or foot of someone just peeking into shot. But they were horribly blurred, like it had been zoomed into. He carefully opened it, not sure if he should be scared by this or not. Inside there wasn’t many clues either. And it still had an ominous feeling about it. “I need answers. I know you do too.” Under that was an address, time and date. Paul recognised the place. It was a little restaurant he had been to a few times with… no. It couldn’t be… could it? John? That brought both pain and excitement. He never thought John meant those things he had said! He thought John would come to his senses and come round to explain but he never did. Paul knew nothing about the phone calls. He assumed John had meant to break up with him, but he never understood why. So yes. He did need answers. But what answers would John need? Looking back at the front of the card, it started making sense. The snapshots could very easily be from his time with John. And the flowers containing his favourites…. Paul quickly got a vase and sorted the flowers before taking it all up to his room. He set the vase and card on his desk and sat staring at them. Maybe it was just a way to get Pauls attention, it didn’t mean it was a date. It probably wasn’t. Then again… to get dinner out on the 14th reservations must have been made. It would be a little more expensive than a regular night. And why a restaurant where they had had a few of their dates if it was just to talk? In fact their first official date was there. Paul groaned. This was too confusing. Still… his curiosity was piqued. And if John wanted to explain what happened Paul would let him. He might even put in a little effort in his appearance. He had to calm down and not get carried away. This did not mean they would be getting back together. This did not mean they were going on a date. It could all be a twisted mind game, John was good at those. Still there was a tiny, hopeful part of Paul that he just couldn’t calm down. He needed it to be tomorrow already. When he noticed the date this morning he never expected to be excited for the next day.

*****************************************

That was phrase one complete. John checked his watch. Paul must have received the flowers by now. He was a little shocked he remembered Pauls favourites, he usually forgot stuff like that. John dropped as many hints that it was him without explicitly saying so. Using his full initials, his favourite flowers, booking the place of their first date, the snapshots of him and Paul. Paul was smart, he would probably figure it out easily. John hated the waiting that happened now. He paced and went for a wander around the streets. He tried to draw or play his guitar but nothing kept his attention for more than half an hour. The day stretched on for a ridiculous amount of time. He felt like the universe was adding hours just to annoy him and keep him from seeing his Paulie again. Finally a chance to end this year long torment. When it was an acceptable time to go to bed he rushed to his room. The sooner he fell asleep the sooner it would be tomorrow. He would spend the day making himself look as good as possible. It was hard but eventually he managed to fall asleep.

******************************************

Paul had had an awful nights sleep. His mind had been racing with all kinds of possibilities. He had weird dreams that kept waking him up. So he rose a little later in the morning. When he opened his eyes the first thing he saw were the flowers. Fuck! He looked at his clock. Alright there were still 8 hours to get ready. Paul got up and started looking through his clothes, searching for the best outfit. He felt giddy like a girl who had been asked on her very first date. He had to look his absolute best for two reasons. If there was a chance for him and John to get back together, he needed to be absolutely irresistible, so John would have no doubts. However, if Johns plan was to humiliate him publicly, if he looked his best he’d show John exactly what he was missing. It took him the entire morning to come up with the right shirt and trousers combo. With that settled he had to shower. It’d take most of the day for his hair to dry. He used a body wash he saved for special occasions. Once showered, he then went about making sure every part of him looked good. He used a facemask to give himself that fresh glow, he made sure his fingernails were clean and neat, he kept making sure his hair was drying straight and neat, He used lotion to make his skin soft,. From top to bottom there wasn’t an inch of Paul he didn’t pamper, clean and neaten. He had never looked so good. He even shaved back some of the hair that had grown over his hands and gave his eyebrows a little going over with the tweezers. No he wasn’t one for plucking his eyebrows, they naturally grew like they did but today was special. He checked the clock. 2 hours to go. Good. That gave him plenty of time to get into town. He didn’t want to rush and mess himself up again. He needed to take his time not only to preserve all the work he had done, but to keep himself calm. His heart was beating almost too fast as he left to catch the bus into the centre of Liverpool. Today was not the day to be walking. Of course this meant he would be in town an hour and a half early, but there was plenty to occupy his time. He strolled around the docks, had a coffee and did a little window shopping to kill time. Finally he realised he had 10 minutes to get to the restaurant. Ignoring his heart and shaking, Paul quickly checked his appearance in a nearby public bathroom then went to stand outside the meeting place.

**************************************

Fuck fuck FUCK! Of course he was late! John was never any good at keeping time however part of it was not his fault, but two old women in the flower shop who would not stop talking while John waited to make his purchase. Of all times he had to be late… John sighed as he finally got off the bus. He checked his watch. Okay, only a five minutes late. Fashionably late. But he knew Paul was punctual and had no doubt he would already be there. He couldn’t leave him waiting. He smoothed down the smart shirt he had put on and did a speed walk to the place. As predicted, John saw Paul standing there. He had to stop as he was completely taken aback. It had been a while since John had really taken in Pauls appearance. But he had quite clearly grown a little more. He was taller than John remembered, his jaw was more defined but he still had those adorably chubby cheeks. The slight podge Paul used to complain about had pretty much gone. He was no longer that awkward teen but becoming an extremely attractive young man. Johns eyes unashamedly raked Paul while he could, while Paul was clueless that he was. His eyes finally tore from that gorgeous face down. Paul had curves. On some men it would look ridiculous but Paul carried it off flawlessly. His arse was perfectly round, hugged nicely by his choice of trousers, his thighs… John had to stop before he started drooling. Besides he noticed Paul looking around and getting more nervous. He knew if he didn’t go to him soon, Paul would think John had messed with him and he’d have blown his chance. John gave himself a little shake and took a deep breath. Mustering all the confidence he could he approached Paul. “Hey.” He said softly. Pauls head turned to look over and he seemed to freeze. In his head Paul was going to turn and say hey back. But something caught in his throat. He wasn’t used to seeing John so groomed. He looked so good. Was that effort? Had John put in effort for Paul? He tried to not get too excited by what that meant. Paul swallowed. “H… Hey.” He smiled. John melted hearing that voice and seeing that smile again. He then remembered what he was holding in his hand. “Oh fuck…I mean… damn… I mean I got ya these!” John got flustered and held out the rose and small box of chocolates for Paul. Paul couldn’t help the little giggle. John looked far too adorable that flustered. Johns cheeks were getting pinker. God he felt dumb. Paul took the gifts. “Thank you. They’re lovely.” His face fell a bit. “Sorry I… I didn’t get you anything.” John didn’t like how upset Paul looked at that. “No no no it’s okay ya didn’t have to. No ya shouldn’t have! I invited you! And… I have a lot of apologising to do.” John looked down ashamed. Paul bit his lip then in a daring move, reached forward with his free hand and held Johns. Johns head shot up. Encouraged, he smiled and gave Pauls hand a little squeeze. Paul looked even happier at that. “Right… well now. I believe I promised you dinner.” John announced, getting that bit of confidence back. As John acted more like himself, Paul relaxed with him. “Lead on.” Paul stood next to him, but didn’t let go of Johns hand. John grinned and took Paul inside. Of course it had been a late reservation so they didn’t exactly get the best table. But they got in and that was all that mattered. When they were sat, John ordered wine much to Pauls surprise. There was a bit of silence as they scoured the menus, the only bits of conversation being talking about what they may order. Once the food had been ordered and the wine poured, John took a moment to just take in what was happening. He was sat at dinner with Paul, something he thought would never happen again. Hell, he wouldn’t have given anyone a second chance if he had been treated like Paul had. That was what made Paul so amazing, so much better to John. And in the dim candle light he looked more beautiful than ever. However as John stared Paul got a little self-conscious. “Wh…What?” “Huh? Oh… nothin… s’just… I don’t think ya ever been more gorgeous...” Paul blushed heavily at that and busied himself with taking a drink. John thought he looked too adorable. He loved making Paul blush with compliments. “So… flirting are we Lennon?” Paul teased. Johns smile widened. “Of course. Who wouldn’t?” John felt another flutter as he made Paul blush again. Talking to him was just so easy. He found he didn’t want to talk about anything heavy just yet. No, this dinner was to make up for last years failure and to give him the chance to treat Paul like a princess. It went so smoothly, better than John could have imagined. Paul was receptive, laughing at Johns silly jokes, blushing when he was complimented and accepting John feeding him a bit of his food to try. He even fed John a bit. By the time it was finished, John was on cloud 9 and Paul was almost certain this was a dream now. John paid the bill and got up and held Pauls coat out for him, being the perfect gentleman. With linked arms they headed out into the night. “Now… it’s up to you… I don’t wanna pressure you but… Would ya like to come back to mine?” John asked nervously. Paul seemed to think about it. Memories of last year resurfaced making him falter a bit. However tonight had been perfect. John was clearly not drunk and besides, he knew they had a lot to talk about. Slowly Paul nodded. “Yeah…. Yeah I’d like that.” John felt a bubble of excitement rise in his chest. He had this chance to get Paul back! Instead of taking Paul to get a bus, he paid for a taxi. During the ride, Paul even put his head on Johns shoulder. Johns eyes widened and he shakily put an arm around Pauls waist. Fuck that felt good… it felt right, holding Paul against him in that protective way. Once inside Johns house, John carried on being the perfect gentleman, taking Pauls coat to hang up for him and making him a drink. He put on some music and sat with Paul. They had a little light chat to relax the atmosphere. Eventually, John couldn’t hold back anymore. “Look… Paul… I owe you the biggest apology. I was a fuckin idiot. I didn’t mean any of what I said. It were my own insecurities comin out… nothing to do with you. Ya… Ya fuckin perfect Paul. Too perfect for someone like me. I understand if ya just wanna take this night as an apology an we never see each other again. But… If ya would wanna… Would ya give me a chance ta treat ya like ya should have been all that time?” John just went ahead and blurted it all out before he lost his nerve. Paul listened carefully. He knew John could get nasty when he was drunk and if something was upsetting him or making him uncomfortable in any way he would lash out like he did. “It hurt I ain’t gonna deny that John. I ain’t ever been hurt like that before.” Paul started, making it clear to John this wouldn’t be a ‘forgive and forget’ thing. When John looked at Paul sadly, Paul took his hand. “However… Ya seem genuine. I believe ya know ya were an idiot. Ya learned from it. An… I would like ta give ya a second chance.” John looked at Paul with wide eyes. He was certain Paul was going to reject him! Without thinking, John pulled Paul close. “I’ve been dyin to do this all fuckin night.” With that he crushed his lips against Pauls, wrapping his arms around him. He felt another jolt when he felt Paul hold onto him tightly, grasping fistfuls of his shirt. John didn’t want to break the kiss. When they needed to breathe, John moved to kiss Pauls jaw and neck. He felt a shudder as he heard Pauls soft gasps and moans. He remembered Paul lost in throes of passion and to John there was never a more beautiful sight. No, he had to do this right. Although he could feel himself getting aroused by Paul, he pulled back. “I… I’m so grateful… ya fuckin amazin y’know that?” Paul blushed again. Before he could say anything, John stood up. “An someone as amazin as you deserves ta be spoilt.” He held out his hand. Paul looked at John confused but took his hand. John was going to give Paul that pamper session even if it was a year late. John took Paul up to his bedroom, where he had covered it in rose petals and little LED candles. On the bed was a towel and fluffy pillows. On the bedside table, a selection of scented oils. “I understand if it’s a little much… but I’d really like ta show ya what I wanted to give ya last year.” Paul looked at John with wide eyes. He had gone to all this effort! With a little smile, Paul nodded. “I’d like that.” He needed to know John hadn’t meant to be cruel, that his intentions had been sweet and romantic. John looked so happy at that. “If you don’t mind then… I would need you to remove that lovely shirt.” Paul was a little uncertain however he had to trust John. He reached down to unbutton the shirt. John frowned. No, Paul shouldn’t have to do anything. “Here, allow me.” He carefully reached down and started unbuttoning Pauls shirt, exposing his soft, milky skin. His hands were shaking and his breath coming in gasps as he got to see Pauls body again. He couldn’t resist appreciating it a bit. He bit his lip, noticing Paul had a little trail of black hair going down towards his pants. John couldn’t resist brushing it with his fingertips. Paul always loved hair being brushed and played with. Paul gasped a bit and his eyes fluttered. John swallowed, no he had to carry on. He couldn’t get swept up in his overwhelming urge to rip Pauls clothes off and have him right up against the wall. He had to pamper Paul. He carefully finished unbuttoning the shirt. Paul had definitely grown into his body more. His muscles were more defined. Despite having that feminine charm, Paul had an equally intoxicating manliness and John was completely taken. He carefully slipped Pauls shirt off him. “Alright darlin… On the bed… lie on ya stomach.” Paul looked confused but did so. John sat next to him. There was a pause before Paul felt something cold on his back. He hissed but before he could say anything he felt Johns hands instantly get to work, massaging him. Fuck he had no idea John was so good at it. Paul was quickly relaxed, resting his head on his arm, his eyes half closed. John smiled seeing Pauls reaction. He made sure Paul was relaxed all over. When he was done with Pauls back he bit his lip. “Hey… Paulie… Can I do ya front?” Paul looked up then carefully rolled so he was on his back. John felt a flutter seeing Paul lying on his bed like that. Swallowing again he resumed his massage, shaking a bit as his hands glided over Pauls stomach and chest. Paul suddenly gasped as one of Johns hands ran over a nipple. Paul looked up at John with unsure eyes. Of course he felt that heat pooling in his lower stomach as John ran his hands all over him. John recognised that look. It was almost identical to the one Paul had given just before they had sex for the first time. John knew then this was affecting Paul as much as it was him. “Shhh Macca…” John cooed, to keep him calm. “It’ll be alright… I won’t push… but I just wanna make ya feel good…If I go too far…. Just say… I’ll stop okay?” He understood that Paul might need easing back into it. Paul gave a little nod. John thought his heart was going to explode as he carefully undid Pauls trousers. “I’m just gonna give ya legs a little massage, okay?” He reassured Paul. Paul helped get his trousers off. John could see the stirrings of an erection in Pauls boxers. He had to ignore it and the urges he had to go directly there. Instead he carefully massaged Pauls thighs. As Paul relaxed, John got a little braver and moved to Pauls inner thigh. Pauls breath hitched and he opened his legs a little more. Encouraged, John slowly worked up them, alternating between legs. He could see Paul was now fully erect. Paul had propped himself up on his elbows to watch John. His eyes kept fluttering shut, his lips parted as he gasped. When John got near his cock, Paul let out a tiny moan. Johns eyes flicked up and he drank in the sight of Paul like this. He loved seeing Paul needy. “Is this alright Macca? Is this what ya want?” He asked. Paul nodded without hesitation. “P…Please… fuck…. John…” He gasped, his voice heavier with need. At that, John wasted no time. He reached up and gently stroked Paul through his boxers. Paul cried out, a mix of pleasure and relief at finally being touched. John went as slowly as he could, despite feeling like he was going to break the zip on his trousers soon. He spent some time just palming Paul through the material. Eventually he could hear a few little pleas in Pauls moaning. He needed more. And who was John to refuse? John slowly ran a hand down that trail of hair to Pauls boxers. Carefully, he pulled the waistband down, pulling the last piece of clothing from Paul. John couldn’t help the little moan as he exposed Paul completely. It felt like a lifetime since he had seen Paul naked and erect. He threw down Pauls boxers and took some time to just take it in. Paul moaned impatiently beneath him. John snapped back to reality. “Paul I… Fuck it!” John suddenly stood up and grabbed Pauls wrist. Paul was shocked and a little more turned on at Johns roughness and he yanked Paul up and pushed him against the wall. “I gotta have you Paul. An I can’t be sweet an slow. I gotta fuck ya till ya can’t see straight!” John held Pauls wrists against the wall as he kissed him roughly. Paul could do nothing but kiss back and moan. He had always loved it when John got like this. John paused briefly to feverishly yank off his own clothes. Paul bit his lip and watched as John got himself just as naked. Fuck he looked so good to Paul. Pauls eyes were drawn to Johns own erection and he felt a shiver of excitement. “John…. John please…” He moaned. John grinned hearing that. He’d never tire of it. “Alright love calm down. We gotta do this properly though.” John reached down and finally wrapped his hand around Pauls cock, stroking it roughly. “Ya not used ta bein fucked anymore are ya? I gotta make sure I don’t hurt ya… gotta make sure ya up ta goin all night.” Paul looked at John with wide eyes. All night? Though he had a feeling John would stop if he really asked him. Paul just let himself get lost in the feeling, moaning and gasping at what John was doing to him. John suddenly stopped. He went to a draw and got out a bottle of lube then knelt in front of Paul. “Alright ya needy boy… I got ya.” He grinned. While he was talking, John slicked up his fingers and reached up to tease Pauls hole. He groaned remembering the feelings of taking Paul. His desk still had scratches in it where he had fucked Paul mercilessly against it. Paul seemed to be having similar memories as he felt John tease. After a little teasing, John slowly pushed a finger in. Paul hissed and squirmed. John licked up Pauls cock, trying to distract him. It worked, as Paul was distracted long enough for John to slip in two fingers and properly prepare him. He suddenly stood up, lubing himself. “Alright Paul, I think ya ready.” John grabbed Pauls leg and lifted it to give himself an easier entrance. Paul was shaking with excitement as he felt John pressing his tip against his hole. Carefully he slipped into Paul. Both of the boys cried out in pleasure. Paul missed feeling so full and John missed feeling Paul around him. Paul wrapped his arms around John as he pushed all the way in. He ignored the tears welling up and helped John as he slowly moved inside him. “Fuck fuck fuck John…s…s’so good…yes!” Paul moaned right down Johns ear. John held Paul in place as he sped up. Unfortunately the position, while it helped push John into Paul deeper was tiring on both of them. When it got too much, John pulled out and spun Paul around, pushing him face first into the wall. He carefully lined himself up again then grabbed Pauls hips and slammed into him. Paul screamed out his pleasure, pushing back against John as he fucked him roughly. Sweat and tears poured yet they had no intention of slowing down. “Sh… Shit John…m…M’gonna cum! Gonna cum!” Paul cried as John slammed into him, hitting that oh so sweet spot inside him. At that John pulled out. Paul whined at the loss of feeling, the welling orgasm dying inside him. John turned Paul around again. “You’re not cumming just yet love.” Before Paul could answer John had gone to his desk. He swiped everything off then shoved Paul against it. Paul remembered the last time they had done this, how good it felt, how John could perfectly hit that sweet spot inside him. With Paul bent over his desk, John knelt down and licked up Pauls thigh. Paul gasped not expecting that. He moaned in frustration needing to feel John inside him again. He had been so close! John licked all the way up until he was at Pauls hole. It felt so exciting tasting himself there as he pushed his tongue inside Paul. Paul had never felt anything like it. His head was blank as John licked him and stroked his cock. John was a master at edging Paul. He knew how much to give and when to take it away. When Paul couldn’t take anymore teasing, John stood up and pushed into him again. “Yes! Yes John fuck yes yes yes!” Paul cried as John began fucking him mercilessly into the desk, scraping it along the floor a bit. Paul was sure he’d have a bruise on his stomach from this. He didn’t care. It wasn’t long before Paul was screaming that he wanted to cum. John listened and pulled away just at the last minute. “FUCK!” Paul screamed in frustration. “John please! Please let me cum! Need ta cum!” John pulled Paul up and kissed him. “I gotta watch ya cum though.” John explained before pushing Paul onto the bed. He’d let Paul cum now he would be able to see his face. He wrapped Pauls legs around his waist and pushed him again. This time no edging, no teasing. He wanted to see Paul lost in passion. Besides he couldn’t keep this up much longer himself. Paul threw his head back and cried loudly as John fucked him. He was a mess, his face red and tear streaked, sweat making his hair messy and John loved every damn second. He could feel Paul getting close again. “A… Alright Paulie…. Gonna… Gonna make ya cum…a…all over yaself…. Messy boy…” John groaned, reaching down to stroke Paul as he assaulted his sweet spot. “Yes! Yes John please please gonna cum gonna… gonna-” Paul came very suddenly. Loud and violently after all the teasing. John dragged out the orgasm as long as he could. The problem was seeing that, hearing that and feeling Paul around him he couldn’t hold back any longer. John came, filling Paul up. He collapsed on top of Paul. They took a moment, catching their breath and to come down. “Wow…” Paul gasped softly. John smiled at Paul and kissed him sweetly. He carefully pulled out of Paul. “C’mon lets get ya cleaned up.” John muttered. He pulled Paul to the bathroom where they had a quick shower. Paul just wanted to snuggle with John after that so was rushing a bit. Finally, John took him back to his bedroom where he threw the towel onto the floor to deal with in the morning. He wrapped Paul up in his arms and the covers. Neither cared about the mess around them of clothes and candles. All they cared about was each other. Paul buried his face in the crook of Johns neck. “I love you.” He muttered making Johns heart soar. “I love you too, so much Macca.” He replied kissing Pauls head. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

[angeltriestoblog]

On-brand stories from my childhood

I remember this tweet going around a few months ago, soliciting people’s most on-brand stories from their childhood, things they’ve done or words they’ve said as a kid that sum up who they are at present. I wanted to participate so bad when I first saw it on my timeline, but I knew that being the eccentric, one-of-a-kind kid I was, it would take me a long period of reminiscing (and more tweets in a thread than anyone would bother to read) to put down everything worth noting. So, here it is: 10 of the weirdest, Most Angel experiences from my youth, for the lack of a way to put it, accompanied by photos of baby me because let’s face it, they make everything better.

ONE: When I was about four, my parents took me to a building very near our house to have my IQ checked. They had an inkling that I was a gifted child, and wanted to confirm it with a professional. So, I was escorted into an office, and subjected to interrogation to assess my competence in several areas of giftedness - much to my dismay, since all I wanted was to get that interview over and done with so I could read books in the library next door. There was this one part where the person in charge of me was trying to test my kinesthetic abilities by getting me to follow this aerobics routine that she was making me do. “Step step one, step step two,” she was saying while stomping to the right and stomping right back in place. I told her I didn’t want to do it, because I didn’t want to look like a fool.

TWO: I had this knack for correcting teachers. As a kid, I was hyperfixated on learning all the countries in the world and their respective capitals, with the help of this flash cards set that I got from Toy Kingdom. So when there was this time that my Filipino teacher had said that there were only two countries in the world with names that started with the letter Q, five year old Angel was very quick to correct her. “Miss Melissa, there’s only one country that starts with the letter Q! It’s Qatar!” I told her. She replied, “No! Quebec is a country, too!” This argument persisted for a bit until she made us do a seatwork, which gave her the opportunity to leave us to go to the computer room for a bit (since cellphones weren’t given Internet capability back in 2006). She returned and told me, “Angel, tama ka nga. Di pala bansa yung Quebec, hehe.”

THREE: It’s become common knowledge to everyone in my life that I wrote books growing up, but my body of work extended way beyond my very inventive fiction (alternatively called, me putting my own twist on the fairytales I read growing up) and creative non-fiction (me telling everyone how my day, half true-to-life, accurate detail and half-imagination). I remember going through the family laptop one day, and coming across the corporate profile of my uncle’s company, where my dad was working at the time as the technical assistant to the president. Being the child I was who wanted to emulate everything her father was doing, I wanted to make a copy of my own too but I was unfortunately unemployed. Thankfully, I took matters into my own hands and made up a company of my own, which I aptly named Pamper and Pretty. Excuse the fatal grammar error, but I was six and was yet to be familiarized with what parallelism in writing actually was. I drafted a whole corporate profile, complete with the list of my employees along with their corresponding duties and responsibilities, as well as a list of all our products and services.

And of course, how could I forget my professional resume?

FOUR: I even looked far into the future and prepared a spiel for when we’d be looking for new employees, as well as a list of rules and regulations to follow if ever anyone would pass our grueling hiring process. My favorite is rule #26, which goes “Drug pushers are not allowed in the store.”

FIVE: While we’re on the topic of business, I guess it’s worth boasting that I was able to sit in a meeting my mom had back in the day with the rest of the members of the Systems and Methods division, and I was asked to take the minutes for a change. I’m aware I’m making absolutely no sense, but after much inferring, I guess it revolves mainly around IT, monitoring procedures and AARs.

SIX: I was a proponent for self-help at a very young age too, creating a list of five rules to live by, which I referred to as my “straight line project”. For which reason, I have absolutely no clue. One part reads: “Always watch out for a kid bullying some one so you can save the person being fought, then do the same thing that the bully kid did to your friend like for example when they are fighting in a swimming pool that the bully is trying to push your friend, you should save your friend and push the bully kid to the pool.” I advised. Turns out I had an attitude and a knack for retributive justice from the very start.

SEVEN: I also found a couple of letters I addressed to Santa as the Christmas season approached, where I requested everything from “world peace” to the entire Diary of A Wimpy Kid series. Talk about being a versatile queen! My favorite of the bunch was the last one I made, where I included directions and a sketch to get to our new house, because we had moved residences earlier that year. I just didn’t want Santa to get lost, and sneak in my old house only to find out that I was no longer there.

(Fortunately, my mom was able to print out all those files I had saved to the family computer before I promptly infected it with a virus that wiped out its entire memory. The lengths seven year old Angel would go just to download Young Guns by Wham! from Limewire.)

EIGHT: I was elected as class president multiple times in grade school, which you would think would mold me into becoming an active student leader. But, my term was constantly shrouded in controversy. I was always tasked to write down the list of noisy students on the blackboard, I’m not exactly sure if this qualifies as public humiliation but I wasn’t concerned with that at the time and did everything I could to fulfill my duty. A classmate of mine was singing a High School Musical song at the top of her lungs, and I asked her to stop. Usually, that does the trick and sends the noisemaker back to their seat but she ran out of the room and brought her mom upstairs because she got upset.

NINE: I also rode on a classmate’s bag, which resulted in her mom going upstairs (I have no idea why their moms spent the entire day in the waiting room on the first floor too, man) and scolding me, saying that her daughter’s bag is not a pony. I was also accused of calling my classmate stupid because she was only Top 7 out of all the students in class, while I was Top 1, which was false by the way since “stupid” was considered a curse word in our household until I was 10. Perhaps the best scuffle I got myself into was because I had checked my classmate’s homework with red crayon and put several drawings of hearts and stars, as well as reassuring comments along the lines of “Great job!” and “Congratulations!” around his perfect score. His father literally had me sent to the principal’s office. Parents then had way too much time on their hands, I swear to God.

TEN: If we don’t take into consideration the whole fiasco that involved my Teletubbies stuffed toy*, my first brush with “love” happened when I was in kindergarten. I had a crush on one of my classmates named Kevin, who is the scrawny little boy that you see beside me in the pictures below. I don’t remember anything else about him, not even his surname, and I haven’t heard of nor seen him since our pre-school graduation ceremony. All I have to remember him by are these photos, and a video that my mom took of both of us where he was seen flapping his arms around and making weird facial expressions, while I would squirm out of kilig in response. Weird. The worst part of it all? I didn’t even like him because he was cute or funny or nice to me: it’s just because he was named after my favorite Backstreet Boy.

(*In case anyone's curious, up until I was about three years old, my parents and I lived in Malabon with my maternal grandmother, who was tasked with taking care of me while my mom and dad were both at work. She was fond of watching Filipino teleseryes while taking care of me: they often had their fair share of kissing scenes, but I was practically a baby at the time who wasn’t capable of processing or remembering the things she was seeing on TV. Or so they thought. My mom said she had walked on two year old me making out with my cousin’s Teletubbies stuffed toy one time. She then promptly asked my lola if they could keep me as far away from the television as possible once Pangako Sa’Yo came on. Can’t blame her for that, honestly.)

That’s all I can think of right now, but I know there’s plenty more where that came from. Hope everyone is having a fruitful Holy Week celebration. Wishing you nothing but love and light, always always always.

Angel

[yuniesan]

Girl Meets Season 5 - Episode 13– Girl Meets A Christmas Wish

Synopsis: What can you expect when you’re finishing high school? For Riley her entire world will turn upside down and picking up the pieces will bring her and her friends closer together.

[Previous Episodes]

A/N: All the fluff and angst in the world.... someone stop me because I love writing Rucas fluff

Episode 13– Girl Meets A Christmas Wish

It was the best thing that could have happened on her seventieth birthday, as she stood on the roof of the apartment building long after everyone had left the party. Riley was looking up at the skyscrapers and in the distance, a shooting star fell in the background. She made a wish that the rest of the year would be happy time and that secret Santa that year would be the best one yet. It was their last secret Santa they would have in high school and she wanted it to be something really special.

That was her wish, until everything started to go wrong, first it started when no one was at the café when she had the box ready. She worked that night because the person who normally closed had to leave on an emergency. She wanted to cry but somehow it only hurt because they had all forgotten to come to pick out names. It wasn’t about buying presents as much as it was about being together, and them forgetting hurt more than anything else. Working alone on a Thursday was hard enough, but none of her friends had come to visit at all. Sighing she had closed up the café and walked home with her box, and thoughts that tomorrow would be another day.

Except the next day she had gotten the flu from being out in the cold the night before and was stuck in bed. The doctor had told them that she had a very contagious strain and so everyone was told to stay away from the house. Her mother gave her food while wearing a mask and she ended up confined to her room for the next week.

The secret Santa box was thrown into her closet, because there would be no point in doing it when she couldn’t get everyone to pick. She kept her phone off because the light hurt her eyes, and since no one could visit it was just easier to ignore. By the time she was well enough to go back to school it had been too late. The holiday break was well underway and she couldn’t ask her friends to step away from their families in order to run around the city in order to make secret Santa happen.

Lucas knew that Riley wanted to do secret Santa, and when she had gotten sick he asked Mrs. Matthews to sneak the box out of the house so they could pick the names. He couldn’t help but smile at how she had made personalized envelopes for the name cards for each person or how the box had been decorated in red glitter paper with a silver bow on top.

“This is so Riley,” he smiled as he placed it in the middle of the table they normally shared.

The day that Riley had picked for them to choose the names from the box, they had all been stuck doing other things. Lucas and Zay had a late practice, Cassie had to take care of her brothers, Smackle and Farkle were out of town for a science competition and Maya had gone with her parents to see the baby’s first sonogram. They had all tried to make it to the café, but once they had gotten there it was closed and they had all felt bad for missing it.

So when they found out that Riley had gotten sick the next day, they were equally miserable because they knew it was something she looked forward to every year. That was when Lucas devised a plan, to sneak the box out and have everyone draw names so that when Riley was better they could exchange gifts. It was their gift to her.

“So everyone has to pick but no one can tell anyone who they got,” Zay said as they looked at the box.

“I’m so excited, I never got the chance to do this before with so many friends,” Cassie said bouncing in her chair.

“This is the first time I’m doing it too, mainly because I’m family so we usually exchange presents as family, but this is actually nice because I’ve gotten to know all of you throughout the years,” Josh smiled at them his hand entwined with Maya’s who was smiling at her friends.

“Riley’s going to love it,” she said. “We pulled her name out right?”

“No because it wouldn’t be even if we did,” Lucas said to her.

“So what happens it one of us doesn’t get picked because Riley isn’t here,” Smackle said.

“I’ll draw two names,” Lucas offered, honestly he wanted to get Riley because he wanted to give her something special and because they did secret Santa he couldn’t spoil her normally. She was constantly spoiling him and he just wanted to get that chance.

“Friar wants Riley,” Maya blurted out. “I bet he already got her a present and everything.”

“Maya,” he said glaring at her.

“Oh please I could see it in your eyes, so just take her name out and give it to him already,” she said to him before sticking out her tongue.

“I’ll second that,” Josh said. “I mean this was his idea so why not.”

“There now the rest of us can pick without worry and he’ll just get the last one,” she said handing over the box to each person.

They all picked and opened up their envelopes, Lucas got Riley regardless which made him happy because he actually chose her and not how Maya wanted it to happen. He drew the second name from the box and they all set out to buy the presents throughout the week. Keeping the tradition of not telling anyone who got who. Lucas had found a Santa bag and placed it in the café for them to put the present in when no one else was around so that when the time came they could all open presents together.

Riley was sitting in her room watching a YouTube video on her computer when Maya climbed in through the bay window.

“Peaches,” Riley smiled at her best friend.

“Hey Riles,” Maya smiled. “Come on and get your ugly Christmas sweater so we can go to the café and get some coffee and celebrate that school is out for the rest of the year.”

Riley sighed before getting up. “I don’t want to wear it, because I only wear it during secret Santa.”

“Come on Riles you love that sweater, just wear it,” Maya said push the sweater towards her, and even pulling out the top hat while giving her puppy dog eyes.

“Fine,” she smiled, she knew she couldn’t resist Maya’s puppy eyes.

Riley put on her Christmas sweater, and her top hat, grabbing a present she had picked out for Lucas because she had thought that it was perfect. Even though they weren’t doing secret santa she wanted to go over to his house and give it to him. Then she walked out of the apartment with Maya who was smiling as she pulled Riley forward.

“So Josh is taking me to a party on New Year’s, and we were talking about inviting everyone,” she said as they walked.

“That’s cool, but we’re going to the ski lodge remember, unless the party is at the lodge you’re going to have a hard time going to a party,” Riley said remembering how her parents planned a ski weekend for New Years.

“Damn,” Maya said stopping. “I forgot about that.”

“How could you, they’ve been talking about it nonstop especially since everyone is coming.”

“I know but it’s been a little hectic the last couple of weeks.”

Riley didn’t say anything, because it reminded her of the night that they had all forgotten about secret Santa. Instead she kept walking, smiling like nothing was wrong. She was surprised when she walked into the café and saw everyone wearing Christmas sweaters, even Maya who had taken off her coat to show a sweater with Mrs. Claus on it.

“Surprise,” she said looking at her.

“We thought that we should have secret santa as a surprise for you,” Farkle said wearing a green sweater with Christmas lights on it that linked to Smackle’s sweater. It was adorable.

Josh was wearing a Mr. Claus sweater matching Maya’s, while Cassie and Zay were wearing ones with matching reindeer that said you light up my life. When Riley looked at Lucas she noticed that he had found one that matched hers. She blushed looking at him with a top hat to match hers.

“We’ll open presents and then we’re going to see the tree,” Lucas said smiling.

“We’re going to partake in new traditions,” Smackle said as she hugged Riley.

“Let’s get to the presents,” Zay said before pulling the girls apart.

Riley sat there as Lucas pulled out the bag full of presents and placed it on the table. He smiled at her and took her hand as Maya and Josh started handing out presents.

“Everyone put the presents here when no one else was looking,” he said to her. “We wanted it to be a surprise.”

She smiled at her friends, they were truly as close as family to her. Josh pulled out the last present and handed it to her before winking.

“Okay who’s first?” Josh asked before everyone tore into their presents. Riley held herself back as she watched everyone pull out something different.

Maya got a new personalized sketchbook from Farkle who wanted her to keep drawing the moments of their lives, and Farkle got a beanie from Zay that had been made by him which was sweet. Zay got a used ukulele from Josh who told him that it would be fun for him to learn and send the songs to his grandmother.

“Aww,” she said watching them.

Josh had gotten a painting from Maya of the New York sky, except with a million stars in the sky, for his dorm room. Cassie had given Smackle a handmade frame with a picture of just the girls of the group, because friendships were important and Cassie had learned to appreciate the ones she shared with the girls. Cassie had gotten a spa kit from Smackle because he saw how hard she worked when it came to taking care of her family.

It had taken Riley a moment to realize that Lucas hadn’t gotten a present and she looked over at him wondering why.

“My present is this,” he said smiling. “I just wanted to see you happy.”

“I brought you a present,” Riley blurted out as she pulled it out of her pocket.

“Riley you didn’t have to,” he said looking at her.

“I brought it before my birthday, I don’t know why but I just knew that I had to buy it for you,” she said before handing him the present. “Open it.”

“Yeah Ranger Rick open it,” Maya said making Lucas laugh.

He opened it to reveal an old pocket watch, on the back it said I love you to the moon and back, because she really does love him more than anything. Especially if he would do something like this for her, he laughed when he saw it.

“Open yours,” he said smiling at her.

When she opened it she saw an old locket that said the same thing. “How?” she said looking at him.

“It looks like fate wanted us to have this moment,” he said smiling at her.

All of a sudden, the wish she had made the day of her birthday had come true, it was a moment that she wanted, where all of her friends were smiling and happy, where the rest of the year would mean that they were all going to have something special and good.

“This is the best time to be a Riley,” she said before pulling Lucas into a hug and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

[violetemerald]

Multi-Couples/Multi-Friendships - "Shout" (The Joy & Pain of My Queerplatonic Relationship) - WYA

Song is called “Shout” and is by Ross Copperman. This video was a NIGHTMARE to edit and render because idk, my software just KEPT crashing, GOSH it was trying to kill me I swear.

This was made for season 2, round 2 of GlowingAprilSky's "Who You Are" contest, this time themed around "The Relationship". (Round 1, “Breaking Point” I entered with a fanvideo tribute to embracing my asexuality & sex-aversion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqRr60lP444 ) The idea for this round was to show a person who helped really change who we are going forward in our life, basically. We participants in the contest were supposed to focus on capturing how they affected us, and how they shaped who we are.

YouTube descriptions have character limits but tumblr doesn’t so look under the “~~~~~” for more stuff than what I could fit in my YouTube description! I transcribed the voiceovers down there too.

Urban Dictionary begins defining Queerplatonic as "a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a 'friendship', but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model."

Every Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR) or set of Queerplatonic Partners (QPP) is different, chooses the terminology for different reasons, and that's really the beauty of it. This is a word to describe everything that was forgotten in mainstream culture's narrow boxes of "just friends" vs. "more than friends because of the romantic(&usually sexual too) component". Some sex-averse asexual people are in celibate romantic relationships. But others are in relationships that are "more complicated".

Robert* and I met at an asexual meetup group. I was 25, he was 26. He leaned gay and had no attraction towards women (I'm female) but we bonded quickly over having a lot in common, and became close friends. I wasn't sure if I was aromantic or panromantic or what, but I knew in the back of my mind I'd like a queerplatonic partner one day. We had a lot of fun, went to concerts together, played board games, watched TV/films, talked about families and pasts including the deep personal stuff, the traumas. He shared about his mental health with me.

(*name has been changed)

At some point along the way, we realized we wanted similar futures. We both had wanted, since long before we met each other, to become foster parents and later adoptive parents. We were both atheists & while I'd planned to wait to start looking for a qpp to be a co-parent for my future children until after I was no longer unemployed, maybe after I'd figured out where I'd live in the country and stuff, it just happened sooner than I was ready. It was too perfect, too good to pass up, and after we'd known each other for about 7 months we stopped just being super close friends. We became queerplatonic partners. We didn't do anything really different, but we had this shared plan to one day be committed life partners and to for now be logical "plus ones" to events where people might bring significant others, such as his siblings' weddings. We were "together".

He broke up with me the 1st time after we'd been QPPs for 4 months. I was really crushed but happy we were at least still friends. It took some time to get back into a groove. We weren't as close. He ended it because he wasn't sure anymore he wanted that future and because he'd been hoping to feel more romantic things for me with time but instead his feelings had remained platonic. He was super important to me, & he'd told me before we broke up that he was thinking of signing up to deploy (as a U.S. civilian contractor) to Afghanistan.

He ultimately did leave to go on the 6 month deployment about 2 weeks into me finally having a full time job, long after we'd broken up. But we started texting more, while he was over there. (Facebook messaging, actually.) Our friendship's closeness was rekindled. We each had lots of down time during workdays, and we got back together around 1 month into his deployment.

We talked about everything for the 5 months we were in a long distance relationship, shared our lives with each other, and were "together". I told him I looked forward to slow dancing with him one day, and ice skating, etc... we rekindled our plans to become non-biological parents....

Skipping over some details he broke up with me only days after we first saw each other in person for the first time in 6 months. He texted, said he "Couldn't do this anymore", and when I tried to ask why he said he got a call but we'd talk more the next day.

I had texted a little more after that, asking if our near future plans to do a suicide prevention walk together etc were definitely off (because last time we still did some things together as friends, I thought maybe it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility).

He never texted back, never contacted me again. I feel kinda like I was ghosted, abandoned. He never explained why we suddenly after 2 years were just... nothing. This was 6 months ago.

This vid should hopefully capture a lot of that (& more?). (Btw: I purposely didn't show ANY kissing.)

~~~~~

Some of the details I skipped over were that while I was with him, I realized how “demisensual” I am, not demisexual, I’m 100% asexual, but rather the “Sensual” suffix - I do not crave touch at all in my relationships unless I have a strong emotional bond, but I looked forward to reuniting and hugging him for months, and I did and it was a glorious hug when he was back home.

I also started fantasizing about maybe marrying him, or thinking about legality of adopting together if we weren’t married and how that probably would be impractical... and how we would or wouldn’t queer the wedding, and do it secularly without religion because that’s important to us, and how I probably wouldn’t want to wear white and stuff... but I was scared to voice these fantasies too early and scare him away.

Also we gave each other gifts by mail even during those 5 months when we were long-distance, and over the course of our relationship before that too. That was a pretty good indicator of how close we’d gotten, he bought be an iPod, gave me a necklace I liked to wear, I picked out gifts for him really carefully for Christmas too, etc.

But how did this relationship change who I am or the course of my life/my future? I mean, because of Robert I realized it’s possible for me to fall in love, and it made my dream of finding a co-parent despite my orientation seem tangible, it gave me hope and optimism for a time, showed me how much joy I was capable. For a while there I had started basically thinking of him as my fiance, I felt that committed to him.

I could tell things weren't perfect, especially at the end, but I couldn't tell for sure where his mind was at. I was waiting till we were alone and in person together and it basically never came. I was a little worried about him & his mental state near the end, also just worried about us. The time we spent together when he first got back was mainly in groups with other friends though so we didn’t get privacy.

I kinda sorta saw it coming here and there. He seemed a little afraid to commit to me, and much more closeted than me about any of his non-straightness, him being gay-gray-asexual, the gay part was hard given his upbringing and the asexual part he acted like was more private but I... I am not private about this stuff. Lol see this video I just made. So that was part of why I wanted to include David/Keith from Six Feet Under and capture the complexities of internalized homophobia/wishing he was straight/”using me” to be able to say he had a “Girlfriend” as a good thing for his reputation in front of his straight guy friends/co-workers while I kinda felt like I was lying every time I might call him my boyfriend maybe to a co-worker. The whole thing was more complicated than I can really explain right now, but I wanted to try.

After he left me with no explanation of why he “can’t do this relationship anymore”, why we couldn’t even stay friends, with nothing more than answering my initial “Was it something I did??” with a “Not really”, uh... my heart was shattered and I was so angry and so heartbroken and... at first I was a little worried he might be struggling so much mentally that he’d be suicidal and I was checking to see that he still was “Active” on Facebook sometime that day so I’d, I guess be assured he was fine.

He showed me how much grief and sadness I really can feel over a breakup,  he affected how I think of so many little things with a twinge of sadness for 6 months now, he may not be the love of my life, but he will always be my first real love. He wasn’t my first boyfriend. But he was my first queerplatonic partner, the first person I fell in love with, and the first relationship I truly had to learn to mourn. He will always be “a” love of my life, in my life story I’ll never forget him. Those 2 years were so significant.

He also has made it really hard for me to forsee ever trusting that a person really means it when they tell me how much they’re looking forward to plans for the future, how committed they are, how much they care about me, etc, because of how suddenly he changed his stances on everything. He left me traumatized to just suddenly go from assuring me yes he wanted to spend Memorial Day in two weeks with me and sending me cards in the mail expressing how happy he was to see me again in person soon, and then the next day be breaking up with me and cutting off all contact whatsoever, ending our friendship and acquaintance entirely. It gave me whiplash. It made me doubt my instincts about other people, and I’m going to have to make an effort to not let him taint any future relationship, if I’m so lucky to one day have one. Which. I’m not holding my breath there...

Because yeah, even now, 6 months later, I am legitimately worried I will never be able to find anyone to co-parent adopted children with who wants a queerplatonic type kissing-free, sex-free relationship with me. I’m trying to think practically about possibly doing the parenting thing single. I just don’t know yet where my life will lead, and if I indeed do any single or joint-parenting thing, it’s still a few years off.

About this video, I wanted to include a mix of friendships and couples to capture how being queerplatonic is neither one nor the other. I’m not “shipping” all these friendships, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m embracing loving them for exactly what they are in canon as a representation of what queerplatonic level bonds can be!

The majority of the ships started as friends and then started kissing/dating, and may or may not have ended up together on the show, but they had this heart to them of deep friendship which helps me relate to them and pushed me to want to include them in this video. I had so many options and some of the ones I chose to include in the end surprised even myself.

Every single pairing in this video remained friends with each other, at the very least, by the end of the TV show, except for the two Parenthood ones and also I think Jake/Peyton never saw each other again. So that’s pretty good, either ending up together or at least being on friendly terms till the end for 18 out of 21 “Ships”. Even one of those two parenthood ones, Ryan & Amber, did end up being co-parents so they are still in each other’s lives, LOL!!

I almost included other model relationships I love on TV shows like Reid/Maeve (Criminal Minds) but so much of their relationship is about literal grief over a death and idk, this is just different. There were tons of choices of ships, more queerplatonic level partnerships in things I watch - remember http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/155333908172/list-of-queerplatonic-level-relationships-people and well, basically... I watch WAY too much TV. But I ultimately settled on these 21 to get to the heart of what I wanted to go for. I even included two couples I usually consider myself not to ship, Laurel/Oliver and Chloe/Clark. I was never rooting for either, and think Lauriver are much better as friends on Arrow and don’t believe their chemistry, but the way Oliver and Clark act towards Laurel and Chloe respectively really reminds me of some of the moments of unreciprocated feelings Robert seemed to have towards me at times, like he cared deeply but didn’t care as much as I did, etc etc.

Friendships With Fully Incompatible Sexual Orientations to really capture our Asexual and Aro-Spec type of attraction me and my qpp had for each other:

John/Sherlock (to me these are THE classic queerplatonic bond) (BBC Sherlock)

Wilson/House (based off Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, these two also have so much of that vibe) (House M.D.)

Mario/Angus (Code Black)

Scott/Stiles (Teen Wolf)

Neal/Mozzie (White Collar) - it’s important to me that I headcanon them as queerplatonic these days, they are such partners in their lives, it’s like... the commitment, gosh

Friendships that also had one-sided romance or were more complicated:

Caitlin/Cisco (The Flash) - their friendship isn’t more complicated at all, yet, not really. But they are more obviously shippable even if you’re not a slash shipper because they both are straight and female/male. Like they totally could end up together on the show and it wouldn’t surprise me if they go there eventually, who really knows. They have compatible sexual orientations is all. They are therefore “more likely” to find each other attractive than either me or my qpp were likely to have those feelings for each other. That’s why I’m putting them down here.

Brian/Voodoo - Voodoo is asexual, Brian is straight (Sirens)

Karma/Amy - Amy is queer, Karma... well people might debate if she’s straight or not... (Faking It)

Chloe/Clark (Smallville) - I don’t think them dating for about 1.5 episodes out of 10 full seasons and over 200 episodes counts to put them in the category below.

Regular ships/couples, who still had long periods of being “just friends” (before and/or as exes):

Bay/Emmett (Switched at Birth)

Toby/Spencer (Pretty Little Liars)

Jake/Peyton (One Tree Hill)

Laurel/Oliver (Arrow)

Joan/Adam (Joan of Arcadia)

Auggie/Annie (Covert Affairs)

David/Keith (Six Feet Under)

Ryan/Amber (Parenthood)

Jim/Pam (The Office)

Drew/Amy (Parenthood)

Matt/Julie (Friday Night Lights)

Rory/Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Voiceovers:

Toby: I feel like when we’re picturing our future together, we’re not looking at the same picture anymore.

Peyton: Do you want to get married?

Peyton: Giving your heart to somebody; that’s the scary part.

Karma: What do I have to do to get you to stay?

Joan: But you had my heart, Adam!

John (Bay’s father): You okay?

Claire, David’s sister: What do you see in him? Keith: He’s smart. He’s kind. He’s funny. When someone sees you as you really are, and wants to be with you, that’s powerful.

Wilson: I need a friend. I need you to tell me that you love me.

Stiles: What if... What if Scott’s my best friend now, but he’s not my best friend for life?

Ryan: I... I went back, and I re-enlisted.

Mozzie: 48 hours. I hope you’ll come with us. Neal: You’re giving me an ultimatum.

Pam: You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. I- I miss having fun with you.

Brian: You don’t want to have sex, and that’s fine with me. ‘Cause I’m not having sex right now either! I’m just happy being around you.

Amber: I’m so mad at you. I don’t understand why you would leave me.

Amy: I need some space. Drew: How much space? Amy: A lot.

Amy: Karma and I are more than just best friends, we’re soulmates. The normal rules don’t apply to us.

Mycroft (Sherlock’s brother): This is a private matter. Sherlock: John stays. Mycroft: This is family. Sherlock: That’s why he stays!!

Oliver: What’s this for? Laurel: Because you’re important to me.

Laurel: Ollie, I know that I am not the love of your life. But you will always be the love of mine.

Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean he just took off, no word, so he couldn’t possibly have a good excuse for that!

Mozzie: And I find myself reminded that... unshared life... is not living.

Jess: You still going to Yale? Rory: It’s really close to here. Jess: 22.8 miles.

Rory: You ended up not coming to my graduation, and leaving again, so... That’s it I guess.

Bay: I waited for you, to come back to me, to talk through what had happened! And I gave you space, and then you... just... you disconnected without telling me! You moved on!

Keith: Fine, why don’t we cut our losses and call it quits right now! David: What? Keith: As long as you feel a need to keep our relationship a secret, David... you’re ashamed of it, man!

Brian: She met him on... one of those Asexual Message Boards.

House: Boy meets girl, boy says, “I’m asexual.” Girl says, “Yeah, me too.”

Wilson: I think they were happy.

Amber: You’ve been through so much, and I hate that you hurt.

Adam: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you through a whole ‘nother mess, you know?

Matt: You know, with everything that I was going through- Julie: Matt, we were together for almost four years!

Joan: I know.

Julie: I know everything about you!

Amber: I want to have kids with you, and I want to be your wife.

Auggie: This isn’t our song.

Julie: I hate you so much for leaving me. How could you do that to someone you love?

Amber: I loved him, and now he’s gone!

Stiles: Scott, just tell me how to fix this, alright? Please, just tell me. What do you want me to do!

Tami (Julie’s mom): There’s gonna be somebody else special for you. Julie: But it’s not Matt.

[pretzel-lift]

A Lifetime of Lifting

I wanted to publish this post to just tell my story; I’m seemingly at least a decade older than many lifters in the community and wanted to share where I’ve been, how I’ve gotten there, and what’s changed.

I’m going to start off by saying that this is gonna be long and probably boring, but if you’re into autobiographies then please stick with me lol. ---------

The first time I ever remember taking anything was when I was eight years old. I was playing at a friend’s house and she had an orange plastic toy compass that I remember thinking, “I want that.” I waited for her to leave the room and I stuck it in my pocket. I was so nervous, I remember my heart racing and making up an excuse that I needed to go home. I got on my bike and pedaled away from her house. I was never questioned about the whereabouts of the compass.

I don’t remember what I felt - I just know that “taking things” became a habit for me, always from school. Paperback books were a favorite; I could easily take them home from the classroom to read and just never return them. In fifth grade, I spied a brand-new multi-pack of rainbow colored overhead projector markers. A dozen beautiful colors called to me to steal them. Again, I waited for the opportunity for the classroom to be empty, and quickly zipped the package into my backpack.

A few days later, the teacher that I loved and never wanted to disappoint asked us to search the classroom for the package of markers. My heart began to pound again, but I knew the markers were safe at home, so I pretended to look for them along with everyone else. The search expanded to our bookbags and desks. Our teacher was beside herself as to where the markers could be. I never stepped forward and said that I did it, and I never returned them either.

This was the mid-90s, and I was ten years old. I knew nothing of security cameras at the stores, I don’t think it even dawned on me that stores would have such a thing to catch lifters. This was the first time you could say I was caught. One night, my mother and I went out to Big Lots, and I mentioned to her that there was a coffee mug I wanted a couple of aisles over, and it was $1.00. For whatever reason, my mom deemed that it was too expensive, and we kept shopping. I went back to “look” at the mugs again, and succeeded in peeling the sticker off a .39 mug and pasting it over the $1.00 sticker on the mug I wanted. I thought I was a genius and showed my mom that I’d found a cheaper mug. We went to check out and all was good until just before the cashier totaled the merchandise. To my mother’s embarrassment and my prepubescent chagrin, the manager came up and told my mother that I had been caught changing the price tag on the mug. My mother was fuming, and I denied it at first, but they had me caught and gave me a lengthy scare about shoplifting and how I was lucky to not be arrested. Ha. 

When high school hit, lifting was a weekly thing for me. I had saved enough money from working for the down payment on a car, and was free to lift any time I wanted now. Two big-box retailers had made their way to our town a few years earlier, and suddenly, so much was mine - my entire makeup collection, novelty items, pens and notebooks, clothes, shoes. I concealed everything on-person initially, but I became braver and started using my purse. My boyfriend at the time stared in awe as I dumped dozens and dozens of packages of lifted Magic and YuGiOh cards onto his bed, yanked from the displays. Me1jer was a great store to lift condoms, lube, and cigarettes from - this was about 2001 and they still had old self-serve cigarette displays at the beginning of their checkout lines. I was a minor, so this was my go-to for cigarettes, stuffed away in my black canvas crossbody purse studded with (lifted) pins. This era of my life also saw the advent of me stealing my mom’s medicines to sell and even taking her wedding set to a pawn shop. 

The year after graduation, I met my only lifting buddy to this date, Cat*. Cat worked at a mom-and-pop restaurant in a nearby town and pocketed at least a hundred a night from the register, or just taking the money the customers paid her with and only pretended to cash them out. I didn’t condone this personally, but it delighted me that I could exploit Cat for my personal gain, and soon Cat and I went on shopping sprees and it felt good to “buy” things, in our own way. 

The year after that, I met my oldest child’s dad, and things were getting tougher. I was 20 years old and had been living on my own for two years at this point, and had an apartment full of friends with no jobs who were staying with me because they had “no place to go.” I was struggling to pay the bills (minimum wage at this time in my state was still $5.15 an hour), and had no money left over. I was working at a major retailer as a cashier, when one afternoon a customer knelt down in front of  my register and came back up with a credit card. “Here, someone dropped this,” they said, and my head began swimming with the possibilities. “Thank you, I’ll take it to the office,” I told the customer, but the card was never turned in.

I realized that I had a very short window in which to act, so after work, I went on a shopping spree, packed my fridge and cabinets, and filled my gas tank. I signed an alias on the slips and promptly destroyed the credit card after the spree, which lasted no more than 24 hours. At the time, I assumed I wouldn’t be caught, that no cameras could denote who I really was, that nobody would be able to catch my license plate number. Very fortunately, I was not caught, but I had breached into new and very dangerous territory.

During that summer, I was very enamored with my (completely lazy and piece of shit) boyfriend, and would do anything to fund his every whims. Dropped credit cards showed up more often at my register, and I began treading into the waters of ORC, gift card fraud, and even check fraud. Hundreds of dollars were becoming mine with the ease of a few keypunches on the registers. I knew that I could get in huge trouble for all of these things, but I told myself that I was smart, I was ahead of the game. To this point, I had stolen money from every job I had worked at, and been fired from a few for doing such. But even with everything I was doing to stay ahead, the money was never enough - and I found myself pregnant that fall.

Shortly after becoming pregnant was the first time I was really caught, and it was so careless and embarrassing that it’s almost funny. My now-ex, his friend, and I strolled into one of the big-boxers with a freshly nabbed stolen credit card. Right off the bat, even for the given store, we looked sus as fuck - screwing around, dressed like trash, being loud. We stopped at the accessories department first and I foolishly took a pair of earrings off of a pack and put them in my ears. We laughed and joked through the store for at least two hours as we filled up our cart with the usual - food mainly, but other things like DVDs and candles and crap. We checked out at the register and I signed my alias on the credit card pad and we were on our way out the door with our several-hundreds-dollars haul. Just before the doors, we were stopped by two LP, they were talking so fast and shoving something in my face that it took me a minute to realize what was going on. One LP was holding up the placard that held earrings, one pair missing. The other was telling me I could not leave until I came with them and let them know what I did with the earrings. I became angry because I was caught, but I played it off like I was trying them on (what even?) and “forgot” I had them. The LP allowed me to go back through the line and purchase the whole package - which I did so with the stolen card I had. Irony. We were let go on the premise that we wouldn’t come back for six months. That didn’t last.

That scare set me back from lifting when I needed it the most. I was now pregnant, jobless, and even homeless - my boyfriend and I were staying from couch to couch with friends where we could. We had burnt bridges everywhere. My boyfriend refused to get a job and for some reason, I believe I deserved to be with someone like this. I scammed up six months of unemployment benefits, which was the best I could do in my condition, and we lived on $115 a week until the baby was born (rent was $100 a week).

A couple of months after our daughter was born, I was hired by another big-box retailer and found myself working at the customer service desk. I was mainly alone on my shifts after I had learned the ropes, and it got a little boring back there. I willed myself not to lift, even though I was needing it more than ever - even with a job and food stamps, I could barely pay bills, and still didn’t have a car. I discovered a gem while cleaning out the drawers in customer service one day - a drawer with lost IDs and gift cards in them. I surreptitiously pocketed the gift cards, left the IDs and whatever else was in there - junk jewelry, keychains. I went home that night and checked the balance on the gift cards, One of them had $100 on it. That week, at least, I could breathe easy. 

I was becoming careless, though. The gift card I found with $100 on it was for the store I worked at, and I was nervous as all hell to shop for what I needed, so I went to a location out of town to spend it on body wash and stuff I needed for home. During my employment here, I gathered the skills I could to process fraudulent returns. All of the returned merchandise was kept behind the desk and sorted in to various carts to go back to stock at the end of the night. I was routinely (like every shift) beginning to take items that were brought to the service desk and process fraudulent returns on them to pocket the money or gift cards. It worked like this: a customer would do a return and I would give them the money. That’s fine, right? But I’d later take the same receipt copy I had and “return” some other things from the receipt, or just gather receipts from the parking lot and “return” the items. LP was gone after a certain hour (their office was right next to my desk). How would anyone know unless they were REALLY watching the cameras, and seeing that I was doing fake returns, haha right?

Haha indeed. One night, I was told to go on break, and someone came to relieve me of the desk. I knew that I had $60 in my sock from a fraudulent return I’d done way too early in the shift, and it wasn’t time for break. My stomach dropped and my mouth got hot and I knew I was caught even though everyone acted normal. I walked toward the break room, eager to sneak into the restroom and hide the money a little better, but I was stopped on the way and taken to the LP office. They had called a police officer and everything. They accused me of taking a little more than $1000 at this point, they’d been “watching” me. It never dawned on me that LP would build a case against me and then bust me later. I had assumed that the minute they catch you stealing, your jig was up, and they didn’t let it go further. I was wrong. I handed over the money they knew I had in my sock and tried to cry my way out of it.

What LP had caught me with paled in comparison to what I had actually made off with - of course, I didn’t let them know that. I complied. I cried. I told them I was scared and had nothing and just couldn’t make ends meet. Spoiler alert, they didn’t believe me, or care. LP left the room after awhile and left me in there with the police officer. By the grace of god knows what, and very graciously, the police officer told me that he was not going to arrest me, but that this was extremely serious and could land me in prison. The retailed had accused me of over a grand - but instead of pressing charges or showing camera footage or anything “proving” what I’d done, I was made to sign a couple of papers. One was terminating my employment, and another was sort-of a promissory note of payback. I was banned from this retailer for a number of months, ordered to pay back what they accused me of taking, and a few other stipulations. I left that night crying and calling my mom for a ride - again, I was 21 and alone with no job or car, only this time I had an infant to care for with very little help from anyone. I had nothing to my name, not even a bed or a couch in my disgusting apartment. I managed to scam up 10 weeks of unemployment benefits again, but that was the last.

This incident was over 11 years ago. I was shook to the core and vowed to never lift again. Eight years passed and I found a very long and hard way to “better,” involving leaving my ex (he still to this day does nothing for his child), going on to marry someone else, gaining financial stability and independence, and not lifting a single cent in that time.

But a few years ago, I felt like I was going crazy. I was severely depressed and manic. I have long since been diagnosed with OCD and kleptomania, but I abated myself and the urges. I joined tumblr in 2013 on my main. In 2014, I got curious about lifting again - and searched the tags for shoplifting hauls or something like that. Holy shit, what a world I’d stumbled on. See, up until I got popped at work and terminated, I had no internet to turn to, no community, no reddit, no tumblr, and I never even searched up forum boards on my illegal pastime. I learned it all on my own, every victory, every misstep, every twist and turn - but here, oh here on liftblr...holy. fucking. shit. These people knew EVERYTHING. They knew how to take hard security tags off (something I had never considered fucking with), they knew entire store layouts and how to lift and most importantly, how to stay safe. Fuck. Here came the urges again - and I was absolutely certain that if I studied, I could do this again.

Well, it’s 2017, and here I am. Two thirds of my life as a lifter. I am now in my early 30s, I am a wife and a mother, I work a great job. I am not financially insecure. During the eight years I was inactive, I established a rapport with many of the store staff in the town I live in, and have been taught what to watch out for and what to avoid. I feel like this is a pertinent step in not being caught, and I often lift along with my regular shopping. I am eternally grateful for finding this community because without it, I’d be lost. I’m grateful for every (good) tip and love admiring people’s hauls. I don’t have a ton of tips, but I do want to share what I do.

- The majority of my method is simply walking out of the store with items, or leaving them in my cart (under a purse or bag). I do this a bit brazenly and I do not recommend it. But the idea behind lifting, no matter WHY you do it, is to beat LP at their game. Your objective is to outsmart them. I choose this method because at my age, the repercussions are greater, and because the ONLY thing that will get you caught is INTENT. If it never looks like you intended to lift, you will get out of this every time, I promise. I’m not saying to walk out with mounds of clothing draped over your arm - that’s simply un-doable. But I am most comfortable walking out with a couple of things here or there, especially in crowded stores, because the intent isn’t clear - did I mean to walk out with those items, or didn’t I? I do conceal when I need to - when I go on a “bigger” haul and use my magnet and such. But I’m mainly still not totally comfortable with it. 

- I don’t fuck with K0hl’s, M@cy’s/C@rsons, and generally don’t fuck with W@lmart. They’re way, way too good in my town, and have been known to hire actual uniformed police officers to assist LP in watching for theft.

- Do your research and check Facebook for a local police scanner page for your area. This has helped me many times when they post theft calls and to which store (for more info on this please message me). Google lifting in your area, especially store-specific. 

- Always pay in cash. Do not leave a paper trail of any type, and the best advice I can give is to be natural. It is a HUGE risk to drive to a store and park and lift and hope they don’t get your plate number...but it’s also sus to be walking from a long way away, and can be unreliable to be dropped off.

- You will be suspected if you don’t act the part. When people ask you about your thoughts on lifting, or mention lifting to you in conversation, you must join their opinion and pretend that lifters are scum trash who deserve to fry in prison. Literally, that is what all of my coworkers think. As much as it pains me and I want to argue with them, you just HAVE to agree.

- By now, you all know not to leave packages behind, and not walk around the store with your items, obviously searching for a blind spot. Pro tip: conceal as you move, if you’ve got to conceal on-floor. Utilize your phone and wallet to hide items to easily into your bag or jacket. Conceal on-person as much as you can. I submitted the tip about using a magnetic back brace/knee brace to lift with/make your magnets non-sus. Use this tip. 

- Give yourself a limit per store, especially when beginning. You have a craft to hone, and you likely aren’t going to haul off with a grand in merch the first time. Start small and keep practicing this item limit. Begin with one item per store so you don’t get overwhelmed. Work on this and master it then move up to two or three, mastering each level confidently. Always leave your items behind if you suspect you’re being watched. Greed will kill you if you have not mastered the basics.

- If caught, I personally do not recommending running. I know that some have, but to me, the risk of a resisting arrest charge and possible injury are not worth it. I have no parents to answer to and nobody to punish me except the police, so I will stick with this.

- Most of us are pretty curious about lifting in our teens, even if only to just see if we can do it. This is illegal and I’m telling you right now that if you can’t or are not comfortable lying, this activity is not for you. Because eventually, you will be lying a lot to people about items and activities. Some people are simply not good lifters and this should be learned sooner rather than later (for the sake of your permanent record).

- Some have been caught/beeped a lot, some have never. Some is luck, most is skill, but the main thing you must remember is that if truly caught, you risk jail time, fines, and humiliation. You risk losing a chance at gainful employment if you catch a felony. Your name and maybe even photo, along with your charge, will be posted in your local newspaper and everyone will know and they won’t trust you anymore. Research your state laws but remember that if you are caught, it is VERY hard to use what you remember on Google to get out of an arrest. If you’re facing a felony, hire a lawyer and they will do the talking for you.

- Graciously, I have still to this day never been convicted, not even of the ORC activities, fraud/forgery, or identity theft. I do not know how or why I was released that night from the officer when it was pretty obvious that I was guilty. I hope to maintain a clean record permanently.

[aoibaratraveler]

A Look Back At My Time in Japan! Chapter 4

Third Month on Exchange: June

June is pretty much the rainy month of Japan and boy was this month wet! I still cycled to school every day or walked because I’m a crazy girl. There was just something so freeing about cycling all the time with my music in and taking in all the scenery even if it was pouring everywhere. There were times when I’d just park up halfway at Sumiyoshi though and take the university free bus from there. June also seemed to be the time when the people in the city started preparing for Nagasaki Kunchi, the city’s most famous festival that takes place every year in October. It was super cool catching a glimpse of the men practicing their march for the festival every evening on my bike since it was on my route. The first week was pretty standard from what I can recall, just university, teaching at my part-time job, home, and repeat for the most part. I also hung out a lot with my friend B from my part-time job. She showed me around Megane Bashi (an area with a bridge that looks like spectacles) and Shindaiku machi. 

Now, I was super stoked for June because it meant that I’d be meeting up with my friend L and we’d get to spend the weekend in Osaka and go to Universal Studios! On the 9th, I journeyed to Nagasaki Station to try and find the highway bus that I had booked to take me to Osaka but it’s a good thing I got there like an hour early because I was scrambling up until the last minute to find this damn bus. I had no idea that the bus station and train station were in different locations. I know that sounds kinda dumb but I really thought that my bus would be taking off at or near the train station. In the end, the bus station wasn’t that far from where I was but I literally almost missed it. It was an overnight bus so I packed some snacks because I was planning to get off at the last stop: 9 hours later at Universal City station right outside of Universal Studios. The bus was pretty roomy and not too bad. It took me a while to find something affordable since traveling in Japan can be pretty expensive and I had to search for the bus online in Japanese but it was worth it. It had several pet stops so that people could use nice toilets, had wifi and retractable seats and cost the equivalent of about $64. A little pricey but it was ok because I found an even cheaper way back with Peach Airlines for about $20. So all in all not bad for a 4 day trip to both Osaka and Kyoto. Oh and of course my accommodation was free because Couchsurfing in Japan is the best. Oh, right forgot to mention that I was also fasting this month so I would be spending the day on rides and walking around USJ while fasting which I was a tad worried about at first but actually wasn’t too bad since the sun in Japan was going down every day at around 6:30 pm (Summer days in Canada are much longer). Anyway, my bus arrived bright and early the next day at Universal Studios and about half an hour before I was meant to meet up with L so I hung around the area for a bit until she got there and we proceeded to line up in the already growing line. I should add that it was a Friday morning and I didn’t have any class that day but it was still a normal day so I don't know why there were so many people; it wasn’t crazy busy, but we were still queuing for about 30 minutes. By the time we got in it was around 8 am and I couldn’t wait to go on every ride. We began by heading on over to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter being that we are both super big HP fans and needed to get that out of our systems first. We bolted on over to the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride and it was amazing! It was so cool but unfortunately, we couldn’t take pictures and I wish it lasted longer. Afterward, we went to the gift shop and strolled around Hogsmeade. L bought herself a pretty impressive lifesize marauder's map and I got a couple of really nice keyrings. Next, we saw a live performance of actors playing Hogwarts characters but what made it more interesting was that half the characters were played by American or British actors and the other half were played by Japanese actors with the American/British saying their lines in English and the Japanese in Japanese. Upon leaving Hogsmeade we made our way around the rest of the park and managed to try out every ride. We also saw two musical performances, a bunch of life-size minions and some titan heads from Attack on Titan that were on exhibit by Cool Japan. Actually, with about 2 hours before we were meant to leave we had tried every ride but one: The Flying Dinosaur. Honestly, I was making so many excuses not to line up because I’m really not good with thrilling roller coasters - like this one where you are thrown up and down with your limbs hanging and at one point completely upside down. We also were meant to meet our Couchsurfing host at around 4 pm (yes, we had already spent about 6 hours there so far) and the line itself was about 2 hours long but L insisted and so we ended up doing it. I was terrified and screaming the entire time with my eyes closed--which I do regret. At the end of it though it wasn’t so bad and I did feel like I could do it again but alas it was time to go.

Our Couchsurfing host owned an electronics shop and asked us to meet him there. He was a very eccentric guy who loved hosting several people at a time, we were lucky though that we were the only two that had requested to stay at the time. He was funny and really only seemed to be interested in hosting girls since he claims they are cleaner. He was really insistent on adding me to Facebook though which I was a little against since I had just met him but luckily I had the excuse that I had just recently taken up the bf on the challenge of deactivating my FB for a month and just challenging myself to be completely off social media. Anyway, after he closed up shop he decided to take us out to a conveyor belt sushi place where he proceeded to throw a hundred questions at me, it seemed to be his goal to know my life story by the end of dinner. I mean, I was fine with it but it was certainly an experience. I’m glad he was friendly though at least and it wasn’t such a bad place to stay, we did have our own semi-private room as well. 

The next day we walked around the town where the host lived and made our way over to the Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan, the world’s largest aquarium. We saw so many species of marine animals and even capybaras, it was awesome. We spent a few good hours there and managed to see every animal and take lots of really cool photos. We then made our way to the giant Ferris wheel near the aquarium and chilled on that for a bit. It was my first time on a Ferris wheel and boy are they slow, we did get a nice view of the harbour though. We ended off the day by grabbing some food in Dotonburi and getting the second-best melon pan ice cream in the world. Not a bad two days in Osaka. The next day I parted ways with L at Osaka station since she had to go back to Tokyo, but I decided to spend an extra day in the region and go to Kyoto to meet up with my Japanese friend who was studying there and agreed to host me for a night and show me around Arashiyama and the monkey park. I love Kyoto, I love Osaka too but I especially adore the aesthetic of the Arashiyama area and on a not too busy day. It really feels like you’ve been transported to ancient Japan. Also, yatsuhashi, the mochi-like sweet of the area, are delicious. It was great catching up with my friend and even better having a semi-quiet day in such a popular tourist area.

The next day, I said goodbye to my friend and made my way to Osaka International airport, unfortunately for me though and as was the trend with big trips like this, I messed up. I fell asleep on the train to the airport and missed my stop. I woke up like half an hour later, all groggy and panicked and jumped off the train at a pretty deserted stop that seemed to be going under renovation. I remember running up to the nearest worker and just not being able to really say words. All I could muster was the world airport in Japanese and from my panicked expression, it seemed the station worker knew exactly what I wanted and pointed me in the right direction. You can rest assured that I did manage to make it to my plane on time, I did realize when I got to the airport I had actually forgotten my passport in Nagasaki and I was facepalming so hard at that point but fortunately for me, residents in Japan with a resident card don’t need a passport to fly within the country so mini heart attack aside, I was able to safely make my way back to Nagasaki.

It was business as usual again when I got back to Nagasaki for the next couple of weeks until the storm hit. I was hanging out late at the university as I was on most days that month since I was practicing for the Nagasaki dance festival, being that I was in the team to represent our school.  The next thing I knew it became dark and started to rain. I tried to ride my bike back home as fast as I could and put my already finicky cellphone into my pants pocket without thinking but the storm was so strong and was raining so hard it felt like the ocean was coming out of the sky. By the time I got back home, about 40 minutes later, I was soaked through. It was a hot day as well so obviously, I had the window in my room open but when I got back my futon and blankets were drenched and there was just a huge puddle. I cleaned everything up and then got out my phone only to see that that too, was completely soaked through and would no longer turn on. I was freaking out. I had never gotten my phone wet until then and I didn’t know what to do. I was also mainly worried about how I’d be able to reply to the bf since him and I were sending messages to each other every day.

The next day, I searched up all sorts of ways to get my phone to work and obviously there was the rice thing but I didn’t want to use my homestay family’s rice for that so I saw that some people put their phone in the freezer and that helped fix it so I tried that but no dice. In my panic and frustration thinking that I would no longer have a phone for the rest of my time in Japan, I bought a new phone on eBay for about $50. The day after that though I did see some really cheap rice on sale at the market and decided to give that a try as well and what do you know? My phone worked after a day of being submerged in the rice. So I certainly felt dumb for buying a new phone but at least I had a backup.

Boy Drama Part Two:

By the start of June and through the first week, Y and I were meeting up pretty much every night and we were clearly into each other. I would either head on over to Starbucks and wait for his shift to end or he would meet up with me when I was done working at my part-time job at the English school. There wasn’t a day that he wouldn’t instigate a conversation with me on the LINE app. This is why I found it particularly strange when one day he was completely silent and didn’t message me at all. I tried to think nothing of it and just figured he was busy but it did feel weird for him to not even send me a good morning message. The next day, however, he apologised profusely for not saying anything and summed it up to just having had a fever which I thought was totally understandable. To make it up to me he even suggested taking me for a drive somewhere. He picked me up in the evening when I was already home and studying and drove me to this high up park that had the most spectacular viewpoint of the starry sky. I’m still not quite sure where it was since I never went back and he never told me. It was again all so romantic and was in line with his usual bravado of whisking me off my feet.

Things were as usual for the next couple of days until the day I went to Osaka with L. Again, he went radio silent. Not a peep and this lasted for the whole 4ish days that I was in Osaka and Kyoto. I had no idea what was going on but I was trying to play it cool and not ask him what was up because I’m sure he was busy---was what I thought. A couple of days after returning to Nagasaki though, I thought enough was enough and it was time that I stop this silly game that he seemed to be playing so I messaged him and asked if he had work that day and said that I would stop by. He responded and said he’d wait for me.

This is where it takes a turn. I went to Starbucks after finishing my classes at university with my friend LY and we sat there and chatted for a while and then when she left, I was approached by someone else for a chat before I finally got to studying. Y and I hadn’t made any plans to walk home together or anything but I just assumed we would so I stayed there until close. The whole time that I was there though I could tell that he would look over in my direction but he never acknowledged me or came to say hello. I, again, just summed it up to him being busy. At around 8:30/9 I decided to just pack up and leave since he didn’t seem to want to talk but then I got a message from him that said if I wait outside then he’ll meet me and we can walk home together so I did just that. A couple of minutes later I was approached by a girl who seemed to be just a few years younger than me. She asked me if I was waiting for Y and I said I was. She then said that she would like me to stop--”やめてほしい” (yametehoshii or I want you to stop) a phrase she used repeatedly for the next several minutes. She said that she was his girlfriend and that they had been dating for the past three years and I said no, there’s no way because he told me he was single (which was true, we had confirmed with each other that we were both single when we first began chatting, no way was I going to chase after a guy in a relationship). She then clicked her tongue and began verbally attacking me. She said she knows I like him and that she had read all of our messages to each other and she wants me to stop talking to him, being friends with him, coming to Starbucks to study and to delete his LINE ID. I was of course in a lot of shock because this just didn’t seem real, had I entered some kind of soap opera reality without realising it? I’d never been in this type of situation before. I told her that I didn’t like him (lie), that I wasn’t going to stop talking to him and that this is all just crazy. She wouldn’t have it. She began interrogating me and wanted to know everything about me down to my address and university. I didn’t tell her. I told her that I didn’t want any trouble and that I just wanted to go home and have some dinner (I had been fasting). She snapped at me and called me a liar because she knew I was planning to have dinner with Y (first of all we had never actually eaten together and, no, I was not planning to have dinner with him). This was all happening while he was still in the shop, working and watching everything unfold. She began to get a couple of calls. When she finally answered I could tell that he was calling her and was actually asking her to leave but she wouldn’t have it. I told her that I didn’t care anymore and I just wanted to go home and she refused and said that we were going to wait for him together. There were a few moments of silence before she finally bent close to me and whispered that I should really give up on him because she was carrying his child…...this little 19-year-old girl was really trying to pull this soap opera type crap on me...obviously I didn’t believe her and immediately blurted out “うそつき!” (usotsuki! liar!). After what seemed like hours, Y finally came out of the store and said nothing more than “ああ、疲れた” (aa, tsukareta/ahh, I’m tired). I was so uncomfortable. What do you even do in this situation? Finally, all I could think of to say was “じゃあ 帰る” (jaa, kaeru/ ok, I’m going home). A very anticlimactic end, I know but I was dumbfounded as to what to do next. They clearly didn’t mind because as soon as I said that they turned in one direction and I turned in the other. 

I was a mixture of both laughing and crying on my bike ride back home. Guess I was truly in shock. What even just happened, right? When I got back, I quickly sent him a message asking for an explanation but nothing. A few days later was when my phone drowned in my pocket. Que where it all went downhill with the crazy receptionist, M, from my part-time job. I won’t go too much into detail about her because honestly, she’s irrelevant. She was a foreigner obsessed Japanese woman who was in her late twenties (?) and was also a pathological liar. Did I mention she had crazy eyes? Anyway, she was also completely obsessed with my friend B, and even me for a while up until I borrowed her phone. The day after I damaged my phone, I was panicking for all sorts of reasons. I had thought up a temporary remedy to remaining in contact with the bf but LINE was the only way I was in contact with Y and I was worried that he had replied to me while my phone had been down. I asked to borrow M’s phone to sign into my LINE on her phone, well she also partially offered. We both hadn’t realized that if you sign out of your LINE account on your phone to sign into another one then you completely lose your own account with all of your contacts which is what happened to her. Oh boy, her being upset was an understatement. It was an honest mistake and I apologized numerous times but I had wronged her and she never forgave me and hardly spoke to me again after that. It’s cool though. Oh, and Y never did reply to me. I never heard from him again.

[mceproductions]

December 2018 Blurbs

12/1/18 The final Chapter on 2018's book began with me checking out the sequel to Wreck It Ralph. And it was Near perfect in every way possible. What wasn't was my drive back and the snowstorm that laid waste to the road, never had driven in snow that bad until today. Honestly was shaking for nealry 20 miles. Luckilly came back in time to see Bama win in epic fashion. I may not like them but they are #1. UCF won as well hopeful they can make the jump. 12/2/18 Connor ended up picking up a new kitten, he and Amber named Nelson. Now I know how Peele felt in Keanu. That cat was adorable and so sweet to be around. Especially that poofball tail. Packers stink as usual to the point where McCarthy got fired during his postgame press conference. Bama, Clemson, and Oklahoma will batlle on the 29th to see who gets the chance to play in Santa Clara. Notre Dame will join them, this should be expanded by all counts. 12/3/18 Andrew has another job, this one late at night. Hoping he'll stick this out. Heisman this year went down to the 3 QB's from Bama, Oklahoma and Ohio State. Wonder how the finalst math is done to drop the number from 5 to 3. Gifts need to be sent out to Eric and Company soon. New Tree skirt looks hopefully ok. 12/4/18 Stuff can take the cake really quickly when it comes to life. Connor apparently has broken things off with Amber now his gut is killing him. Karma at its finest people. Other than that, I don't mind having to get called out to do carts what irks me is when someone like Cole, drops off so I'm completley alone out there. His weaseled out method just really iritates me more. Bowl Mercahndise looking rather dull this year, may save money along those lines. 12/5/18 Well, Connor may have gut problems like me. The real kicker is how incompitent our hospital is here, and how they were throwing in words like liver failure and appendix issues. Grabbed mounted photo which allowed me to finish wrapping the gifts to be sent out to Eric and them. Hopeful that Eli Like gummi Bears. Main gift hunting will begin next week. Do love Holiday seaons, and all that they entail. 12/6/18 The cat may be be cute, but Connor breaking, entering and placing him on me in the middle of the night. Nope. He, can really take the cake when it comes to not knowing how to amicably end a relationship. Rebought Hobbit and that gave me, Legos for the first time in 15 Years. Will only get the Target lego hobbit editons and that will be it. Survey for class is adjusted and will hopefully be done by weekends end. Seminar I still have to do, hoping Dad will give a hand with that. Looking forward to Mamoa on SNL. 12/7/18 Pearl Harbor, a tragic event that led to a worse movie. But on this day there should be a new atalige on when it rains it pours for the winter. I call it When it snows it bursts, cause we all had issues today. Bravada may have a frozen gear shift. Eric lost another girlfriend, Connor may be out of a job, and Andrew may actually be doing better than any of us for once. This is a burst of bad luck. 12/8/18 A day that i had originally set out to do nothing now had me doing even less, thanks to the Bum gear shift. Not sure how we can fix that, other vehicle still waits in the wings. Watched more SpongeBob then i had in a long time wow I missed a bunch. Could really use some good in these next few days. 12/9/18 Packers finally won, just need miracles to happen in order to squeak into wild card. Vehicles e break lite may give me clue in order to fix it. Winter and Christmas need to show up quicker cause it certainly doesnt feel like it especially not around here. 12/10/18 Early night when it came to the back. Used VTO to leave early, stinks i lost a day but at least i caught up on stuff. 12/11/18 Bravada i bought finally became mine with licence plates. Saving insurance for after Christmas. Store had less on today which made the work at least plenteful. But the group with the exception of me and 2 others all left at 9:50 as we got left with the bulk of the cleanup. Not cool in the slightest. 12/12/18 First day with Bravada, not a bad go of things. Penultimate class, surprisingly am at an A hoping i can get this done within the next week. Contingency plan needed for tomorrow, will see SpiderMan on Saturday and hold off on Aquaman until after Christmas. 12/13/18 Nice to find out i can still tack miles on my feet. Will need to do that again soon. Packages got sent including book for retun. Retuned a bunch of stuff for gift stipened, hoping dad likes revenant more than hacksaw ridge. South Park finale made no sense. 12/14/18 Saving spiderverse for sunday, mainly so i can get rid off stuff at BAM, more cash more presents. Will still read Mortal Engines even though movie looks lousy. A lot of ties on countdown, and just discovered a couple i overlooked. Binging Bob's Burgers like crazy. Man that show is a lot better than i gave it credit for. Busted truck is gone from parking lot, didn't expect to have to have management nearly call cops on stolen vehicle though. 12/15/18 Day from hell is an understatement. Eric getting arested, Im working on stuff and Andrew seemed to not know when to keep his mouth shut. Bowl games starting today brought only form of relief. 12/16/18 Better day, Animated Spiderman was something to behold. Got bulk of christmas shopping out of the way. Bravada held up just wished i could get it back fully. Packers got knocked out of postseason. Just hope we can win one more, at least chances are good. Smash Bros Ultimate is awesome. 12/17/18 Mom's gift now safley wrapped. Football continues and the Saints better be hoping they stop stinkin things up. 12/18/18 Cap 2 was down to 4 with a mysterious virus going round. As everyone left by 6, i managed to get out early. Just hoping this doesnt come back to bite me in the butt. Hoping to wrap up gifts by Friday, Aquaman on Saturday may be possibile. Glad thats in town at least. Also did annual watch of Haruhi Suzumiya movie, how come they can't make a movie that long in America. Stinks it has to be shorter than 2 for animated. 12/19/18 Last Class, thankfully was short and sweet. Walked out in good mood after making thank you card. Just curious to know when i may get funds, cause have to take 2 classes otherwise just to get scholarship. Rose Bowl shirt looks great. Will finish gift wrapping by friday at least. 12/20/18 I dont know why but it just doesnt feel like christmas this year. Snow almost gone, skies are dreary and whatever mood were in around here just keeps going up. Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls seems more and more perfect in telling the moood were in right now. Hoping for a few good days, free christmas dinner at store tommorow should lift funk. 12/21/18 The mood certainly is festive store wise. Finished grabbing gifts. Wil be hoping they like them. 12/22/18 Down to the single digits in days left of 2018, one goal of mine i wished i picked up more on was the sign language aspect. Will be putting that back on the 2019 docket. Store for a few more days. Just hoped to go watch Aquaman thanks to VTO but based on what i got coming, better to hold off on that. 12/23/18 Penultimate truck of 2018, thankfully got that done by 10, finally got tree from mountain, bulbs i picked up worked brillantly. Hard to belive it all ends in a week. Good year overall. 12/24/18 Short 4 hours with only Chris and Cheyenne. Best store day of the year in which we turn off all lights and tell people who come in to leave. Cole on the other hand, once again, i got drugged out to fix his mess. Not pleasent. What was was prime rib and quiet dinner with family before i gave them gifts. Poofball hat idea worked on all but Dad may have to return his. Looking forward to nba on christmas day. Wonderful life and Polar Express double feature to round things out. 12/25/18 Linus from peanuts says it all. With angellic hosts proclaim christ is born in bethlehem. 12/26/18 Amazing how one day in total silence with family can turn into one explosive return to reality. All for the best 5 days of the year i suppose. Aquaman movie ended up being pretty great, never figured Julie Andrews would play a squid. Badgers Bowl game tomorrow then final day of work for year on friday. Just hopin i can get final blog posted on monday before library closes. Year is rapidly closing fast. Also 2nd Charlie Brown Christmas special sucks, a little bit much on the meaning of the season and not on what made the first special great all around. 12/27/18 Rain filled the day, a lot of water that may turn whatever snow we have into ice. Badgers won in Yankee Stadium and tomorrow is Walmart 2018 finale for me. Just wish i didn't have a week off after that, but i can make do with micro paycheck for a bit. Already trying to figure 2019 Goals, dont know whether to up it or lower it. Found Attack on Titan Season 3 on Digital. Yeah gonna be good tv this weekend. 12/28/18 The 2018 Season finale at Wallyworld. Epicly enjoyable. Just miffed that  have a week off with little to no Coverage coming in. May seek alternative option. Truck tire thankfully got fixed but other issue may now have arisen. Bad luck streak wrapping this year up strong isn't it? 12/29/18 Another college football playoff another Bama Clemson beatdown. At least Kyler and Oklahoma actually put up a fight. Not sure what movie to see tomorrow. Possibly saving Bumblebee for next week, or VICE. 12/30/18 Entry 364 and on this penultimate day, I chose to go see the Mary Poppins sequel. Oh man it was charming. The welcome balance of modern with slight hat tips to what came before. Packers embarrassingly concluded thier season. Orville came back on tonight and that was equally good, a bunch of side plots that somehow all culminated in one odd ritual where Bortus took a dump, and it was good. Looking forward to adding that on DVR. 5 Packages to send out tomorrow, not sure what i'll be doing when ball drops. 12/31/18 Bye Bye Yesterday...The culmination of 365 Days of life, and as we conclude 2018 I think, there was so much more I could have gotten done. 2 Weddings, A Super Bowl visit, watching Connor finish school, buying my first vehicle, nearly seeing a sporting event, and a prmomotion at wally world. So much more I could have squeezed in. Finished today up with helping dad with bread, and  he made chili, hoping that that wont make us all sick as hes been these last few days. As for this journaling buiness.  I may look into continuing this come 2019. After all that is now as i have put it the year of the endgame.  Definetly would want to chronicle that. Though maybe i'll go the Your Name Route and download an app to chronicle that for my Phone and Ipad. Here's to you 2018, now as Thanos snaps at 11:53 you'll crumble to dust and fade away in our minds and hearts. Its time for the next chapter, and im ready...To Be hopefully continued.

                                       End of 2018 Journal

[fesahaawit]

Net Worth Update: $840,243.99 (+$37,000)

Happy Net Worth Day!

As I was updating our numbers this month, it dawned on me that I have now tracked my net worth every single month for 10 years straight now. TEN YEARS!!! That’s 120 net worth reports in a row – crazy!

And in fact, a week from today is actually this blog’s 10 year anniversary too, which is a whole other win for someone who could barely hold down a job for 10 months no less 10 years, haha…

We’ll get to all that next week, but today we celebrate our *Net Worth Anniversary* by going back in time and pulling out the very first report we ever published!

Back when I was a nubile 28 year old with no kids, no wife (I was engaged), no responsibilities outside of our too-big-for-us mortgage, and when I was pretty much doing the bare minimum at my 9-5 while doing the absolute maximum out at the bar scene ;)

Here’s what past J$’s finances looked like a decade ago:

Not too bad, all things considering? Some hefty debts there with the car loan and credit card, but at least there’s some investments that help make up for it! Haha… And I see some pretty creative tracking there as well with the “condo investment” listing (i.e. a loan I gave my brother where I apparently tracked the payments back to me vs just putting them back into savings?) as well as the calculating of “home equity” instead of just listing out the home’s value in one section and the mortgages in the other. (Which I later corrected to better give me a fuller picture of things)

Here’s a clip from that first report too… When my mission was to hit that elusive $100,000 – the hardest milestone of all!

401k: My favorite category of all time :) What’s not to love about company matches, direct deposits, and tax benefits? If all goes as planned, this will be my 3rd year of maxing out my 401k! I have been more than blessed w/ generous company matches, so it would be absolutely asinine not to participate. I expect this category to go up at least $2,375 each month, markets willing.

And it would have been ass-inine of me to not participate in that retirement plan as they were matching 100% of contributions up to the legal limit of $15,500 – all fully vested from day 1! Which meant putting in $15,500 myself, and getting a free $15,500 in return – just like that (!!!). You’ll notice the cash losses at the top of that chart there which were due to me jacking up my contributions to like 90% and living off of less than $100 a pay period until I fully capped out, haha… Who in their right mind *wouldn’t* go after all that free money??

(Answer: 95% of my colleagues, womp womp… No one understood just how insane it was, and by the time they did our company was on the path to imploding and people were scrambling to find new jobs…  (Long-time readers might remember the ordeals back then, from paychecks not clearing to some of us eventually taking our employer to court – all of which I do not miss one bit, ugh… (though I do miss those sweet matches which are non-existent in self-employment! ;) ))

Ten years later we’re still maxing out our retirement accounts too! It’s been the backbone of our entire net worth all these years, and even if that was ALL we ever did we’d still be sitting pretty… That compounding adds up!

But alright, out from the past now and back into reality… Time flies when you’re nerding out!

January’s Net Worth Breakdown:

[As always, these reports are shared to better start discussions around money, and to showcase a *real life* financial snapshot which is so often hidden in this world of ours. It’s the #1 thing that drew ME to money blogs all those years ago, so it’s something I’ve committed to doing myself to further keep the motivation and love of tracking going… So without further adieu, welcome to net worth report #121!]

CASH SAVINGS (+$810.63): Woo – it’s up and not down! Which is a big win, considering it’s one of the only areas you actually have control over when you’re so invested in the stock market, haha… And thank goodness this report only covers January, as Friday was a WHOPPER of a market crash – wow! I haven’t seen numbers like that since the 2008 era – remember pages like these??

SPAVINGS FUND! (+$61.85): Another month, another socking away of spavings! I.e.  “spending savings” where you have to actually spend money in order to save money, haha… Here’s a list of some of my spavings from throughout the month, plus some random money I threw in like found change on the ground or gift cards that I used, thereby saving me from having to spend the money:

$1.00 Panera rewards

$30.15 USAA dividends

$3.00 Starbucks free coffee (a perk of being a regular!)

$1.00 Panera rewards (a regular, who cheats on ’em w/ Panera ;))

$1.70 – bagel made at home instead of usual purchase @ Panera

(The rest of the list literally involves nothing but coffee or bagel-related items, so I’ll spare you from the boredom, haha… And while I initially thought I’d be applying all this money towards an IRA, I’m actually considering using it for something more fun/experimenty like with bitcoin or something? Since it’s all “free” money and I wouldn’t feel as bad losing if it came to that??)

THRIFT SAVINGS PLAN (TSP) (+$1,098.33): Another great bump here, this time courtesy of Mrs. BudgetsAreSexy! Her ol’ retirement contributions and matches are piling up, and though her job is not nearly as secure as it once was w/ all the administration changes, we’ve made it another month and will continue being thankful for each future one granted to us as well… She loves her job, but it’s getting shakier by the day.

ROTH IRAs (+$8,046.57): A nice bump here too, all due to the markets… And again before the major crash on Friday. Thankfully none of it really matters if you’re not touching the money for decades, but for those soon retiring or cashing out it can most definitely sting :( We’ll have to see if this is finally the start of a downturn, or if it’s yet another finicky one-off that we’re so accustomed to seeing.

SEP IRA (+$27,922.77): Same goes with this bad boy too – nothing new added, and is fully dependent on the market! It’ll soon be time for our yearly maxing out though, which will help us reallocate some of those cash reserves we’ve piled up from the sale…

Here’s how our investments have fared since moving everything over to Vanguard (we’re fully in VTSAX – my favorite “lazy” portfolio of choice!):

CAR VALUES (-$646.00): Another usual dip, as tracked through Kelly Blue Book (Kbb.com). Here are the present values of our two cars, which may or may not change come baby #3 ;)

Lexus RX350: $9,801.00

Toyota Corolla: $3,130.00

CAR LOAN: (+$0.00): I know this doesn’t belong here anymore now that we fully paid it off (woo!) but I can’t help staring at it so I’m leaving it in for one last month before taking it down, haha… It’s the little things in life!

And that’s January!

Here’s how the past 12 months have gone for a more broader picture:

And here’s how our kids’ net worths are faring… Mainly just some changes in market prices:

Now a *LIFE* update!

A lot of you liked this part from last month where we balance out all the $$$ talk with more of the stuff that actually matters (i.e. living!), so we’ll go another round here and see how it goes :)

Baby news: Super healthy and growing!! We had a scare last week and had to head over to the hospital for 24 hours to be monitored, but fortunately the problem was mommy-related and not baby-related, although of course it still sucked for the mommy, haha…. (she’s all better now though!)

More baby news: it comes out in THREE MONTHS – ACK!!!! I’m ready but also NOT ready at all, haha… it’s always been so far away and now he/she is almost here!

Speaking of he/she news: I finally caved and found out what “it” is :) My wife did not enjoy the fact she had to keep hiding it anymore, so in an attempt to be a good husband I welcomed the news and now the cat is out of the bag… Though I’m thinking I may just put it *back into the bag* as far as this blog here goes, and try to milk the fun secret even longer, haha… You guys wouldn’t hate me too much for not spilling the beans, right?

In Time/Work news: I’m officially use to my new schedule now since selling Rockstar, and it’s loaded with about 80% of awesomeness and 20% of unease, wondering how best to use my free time :) I thought I’d be able to just “be” and relax for a third of the work day, but I keep catching myself getting antsy whenever I’m not doing something productive, so it seems I still have a ways to go on that whole work/life balance front (probably due to years of over-hustling!). Of course, the whole problem goes away in three months when the baby boy girl (ack – almost slipped on that one) comes out, so for now I should probably just keep my mouth shut and try to appreciate it as much as I can… I will say I’m loving hitting inbox zero every day now instead of every year, so that’s something! I also created an “art center” for my kids in the middle of the work day when I was tired of seeing their supplies scattered in 13 different places, so I am finding ways to cope :)

Book deal – I’ve also been contacted a couple of times this month for a book deal! I’m not quite sure I’m ready to take on *that* level of project as yet, but it is always fun to think about… I might be reaching out to some of y’all later if I decide to move forward in hopes of getting connected to a good agent out there, but for now it’s sitting on the “make sure you REALLY want to do this!” pile before taking any next moves, haha… I want to stay productive, but that’s a whole other beast!

The updating of jmoney.biz… I’ve also been spending more time updating and creating some new pages on my resume site to finally get everything into one main spot, not unlike my kids’ art supplies. I now have an updated press page, a projects page, a failures page which y’all are already familiar with, and then lastly an updated consulting page as I’m starting to pick up more of that stuff too. It’s amazing how you can condense a decade worth of work into just a handful of bullet points! It’s a fun exercise to try if you’ve never done it before :)

A charity idea? Lastly, I’m batting around a pretty wild philanthropy idea that I think can be SUPER helpful for a best friend of mine, but I’m anxious to put it into action because it’s a much longer (and crazier) play than I’m used to… But it IS fun and CAN do some loads of good for him, so maybe I just pull the trigger and put it out there to the world? Where I’ll either be laughed out of the room, or called a super genius? Haha…

And that’s a wrap! Money + LIFE… Two of the best things!

Let us know what’s good in your life lately, and of course if you have any questions whatsoever with these updates, just pass them on over as you know I’m an open book.

I don’t have the answers to everything, but I DO know that tracking your money is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself, and I’m so glad I started those fateful years ago…  If you’re new to the site or $$$ management in general, I’ve listed a few of my favorite tools for tracking net worth below.

Here’s to a great new month, and making each day count!

********** PS: Here are a couple of spreadsheets to help track your money and/or net worth if you’re looking to get started (and love manually tracking it as I do :)):

The “Budget/Net Worth” spreadsheet – the colorful Excel template I personally use.

The “Money Snapshot” spreadsheet – a simple Excel template I created for my former $$$ clients

If you’re not a spreadsheet guy like me and prefer something more automated, you can try your hand at Mint.com, or it’s super-competitor Personal Capital (both of which are free). Tons of financial bloggers love and rave about PC, and you can find our full review of them here from one of my early-retired millionaire friends: Why I Use Personal Capital Almost Every Single Day. Hope this helps!!

Net Worth Update: $840,243.99 (+$37,000) posted first on http://lionelcapital.blogspot.com

[mceproductions]

November 2018 Blurbs

11/1/18 In Novembers Gusty Gale...The one baby song that sticks with me is that line from Chicken Soup with Rice... The fact that I know that and can sing falsetto really sets a tone. Rice Lake run today as Scholarships needed answering somehow the fact that i can only qualify for one and yet still can deal with classwork is a mystery. Eli in 2 Weeks and hoping Basketball at the Vikings Stadium at months end. Mom said shed go with on Saturday to St. Paul but in case not contingency is the Queen Movie. Stinks about Nutcracker being lousy Grinch remake for Christmas Movie it is. 11/2/18  Patti and the Bravada im trying to buy. Something tells me thats got to answer itself very soon. Ellen wasn't going to St. Paul either so contingency may now be in place. Work at least had benefits being sorted out. Also Lego Harry Potter man that game was fun, glad for the port, now they just need to port other lego games. 11/3/18 Bravada is now mine thanks to mom. More crucially Queen Movie was luckilly in town, at theater that is now only open weekends. Confusing yes, just hoping this isn't premant closing like Bruce. Movie was near perfect as Rami Malek Crushed It, a term I almost never use. Andrew fried microwave after 18 years. It was overdue but man it stinks that its gone. ReLife Anime...If episode 17 had me tearing up, the other 15 1/2 should be just as interesting. Unlike that other show A Sister Is All You Need, a premsise about slice of life, authors and drinking that wears dull quick. 11/4/18 So begins a short week, mainly due to assurance needed for initial plans. Just wish they could have called me in for one more day, i have assurance but still could have used it. Pete Davidson is really hurting based on this weeks SNL no matter his mindset and well wishes, he's hurting. Packers more so...and Ricks final Walking Dead, what a cop out...So glad I'm done with the show, no matter how interesting teenage Judith looks. One more detail, just when I thought 2018 had used up all its anime...Rapping Zombies on a Show that really should be used by the ZombieLand Sequel coming out next year, they can spit licks. 11/5/18 Remember Remember...An annual watching of V For Vendetta and its poigancy highlights today. Bravada is now officially mine just have to get it al registred and isured without it breaking my bank. Also never trust pictures for all purchases on Ebay, miffed on that count. Very long day tomorrow, even work may be overshadowed by this, could have used this 2 years ago on that fateful night. 11/6/18 The Blue Wave of election day. Unlike 2 years ago when that blowhard of president peeved off the country, this made me glad i was working. Plenty of distractions. But Walker is gone from Wisconsin and the Blue Wave crested at the house. Not the complete washover those wanting Trump gone hoped for but still great. 11/7/18 Those 2 dopes i call younger brothers...Somehow they dont get it. Only thing they do get, is how awesome Red Dead Redemption is and how i wish to high heaven it came out for the Switch. 11/8/18 This time of year when the cold comes out, the stuff you like to do seems impractical. I have a vehicle that I cant use until i get it titled, and a nephew coming in 1 week who may not even see me a bunch. Lone thing giving me some solace, the black Friday Ads popped up today. So many possibilities. 11/9/18 Winter has shown in full force, proof being, those 2 dopes stuck here. Me having to suffer through it until I head to work. Holding off on Grinch until next week, possibly seeing it with Mom and Eli. 11/10/18 RWBY Continues to astound. Salems storied history with Oz, wholly molly. Christmas season always seems to bring out the best when it comes to treats. Lately my favorite seems to be those nougats. Fresh and gooey all in one sweet package. Badgers sure do stink. That guy getting revenge on Pete Davidson especially the Ariana Ringtone that was worth it to see during SNL, Liev Schriber sure is not funny though. 11/11/18 Vets, heroes who give thier daily lives to defend all that we hold dear and sacred. Also fitting its the centiniel of said remeberence. New guy on Cap 2 Tristan, I'm really liking, seems to hold his own quite well. 4 days until Eli comes looking forward to it. 11/12/18 Why does family make the easy things so difficult, once again those 2 dopes. Store had Black Friday stuff being assembled today. Be glad to use debit card tomorrow when i get bulk of my funds back. Last few days have been rough. 11/13/18 GameFlip, an app ive been using to buy mainly Amazon cards is really having it both ways with me. Great to find digital codes for almost nada, but this one guy who i bought a card from on Sunday has been really screwey. Really miffed on that front. Said digital codes allows me to rewatch The Meg during work lunch. 11/14/18 Final Project for class has me creating a full training seminar. Stinks knowing that I have to do it on too broad a subject issue. Mobility in the workplace, having to do with wheelchairs and other devices. Wow city this is hard. Christmas box has been dug out, begining decorating tomorrow before Eli shows up. Hunters at play this weekend. Also glad store discount expands to food for rest of year. 11/15/18 Dad is 60 feels weird to say that. Well Eli, a little bit intimidated by me, but we have a week to fix it. Got A debt collection thing from WITC On the same day i finaly knocked off tuition. I know i wanted to not have autopay on tuition but this is ridiculously overkill. Likley watching Fantastic Beasts Saturday when we get back from Rice Lake, glad like the Queen movie this is in town. 11/16/18 Nora and Eli, weird combo that sends him into his Grandmas arms. Glad thats occuring while im not at home. At least my and Erics Grandma got to see him, just not sure how much longer that will be a possibility. One week to Black Friday and the trucks for delivery have tripled. The sales will be worth it but the work on the other hand, wish that just came faster. 11/17/18 Stags day, the first day of hunting season a little less crowded around the area. Went with mom and Eli to see Grinch but showing ended up being sold out. Eli for being 4 is just a near ball of energy, even if we never gave him sugar Wish he could calm down, mom somehow seemed chill with it, might have to take her advice on this issue. Cute when he has to be, bullet like mom put it on all other fronts. As for Fantastic Beasts, it seemed overstuffed for its own good a two hour episode like youd see on Netflix or somewhere else. Though Depp did win me over as Grindlewald. 11/18/18 Eli was better today, and we managed to actually get some stuff done. He ended up being major help with placing ornaments on my tree. Work however was a mess, misinformation abound. Thursday outside better not be a bigger mess. Oh wait its the Black Friday sale yeah it will be. 11/19/18 The thanksgiving week is always wacky, Monday somehow is wackiest. Eli went with Mom to meet Rafe while I mainly spent it finishing decorating the room. Green Light Strand isnt working will have to replace it. Cayedn surprsingly got a deer and Eric is really helpful on that front. Work meanwhile was nuts, this time however, with Split Pants. May have to get new ones before Thursday Night. Glad this week a lot of stuff on Itunes and Amazon is on sale. Will likely take big advantage of this. Andy possibly thew wrench in plans, hopeful that i dont have to cancel. 11/20/18 Lone day off this week has me stopping at WITC to finish work i have assigned since i have no class tomorrow. Had to pick up pants as my others split. Will hold off on game or blu ray until thursday night after work. Mom and Skillet cookies glad she makes them but could wonder what else around here might break as stove is going. Our turkey is set for tomorrow as Eric and compay leave before parade on thursday. Hopin to get Eli once more to do craft project, want to surprise mom on that count. 11/21/18 The day before, aka the busiest travel day of the year. Made rudolph feet with Eli, a lot bigger than i pictured him to be. Had to wear split pants as replacements didn't fit. Turkey was good, unexpectedly tried Moms squash that was really tasty for some odd reason. Back outside for carts tomorrow, first time since the summer and i get thrown to the wolves on the big one. Colder than usual i will admit. 11/22/18 Eli seemed sad to leave us, but at least i got him the ornament he made ready before he did. Another thanksgiving the parade in full glory. Lions crappy game, Cowboys decent game, and Wal-Marts annual 6pm sale. Cole really needed to be slapped. He must think im dumber than i look. Best part is always the low price movies and tv shows. Annual pickups of Flash, Arrow and Big Bang Theory. Handmaids Tale DVD counts too this time along with Jumanji and a film i personally wanted to see but heard crap about, Assassins Creed. Not looking forward to the rain tomorrow. 11/23/18 Quieter than usual actual Black Friday. Couple that with Rain that washed away snow, pretty off day all around. 11/24/18 Plans for Basketball with Andy and Carynn are officially scrapped, could remedy that in another surprise way. Something about today that just felt so much more off than usual. Lingered at Library, lingered at Store, even lingered at McDonalds stuff i would not normally do on a day like this. Ralph Breaks the Internet I'll hold off on for now. Really still want to see Grinch. Badgers finally lost the Ax after 15 years, really makes you think. 11/25/18 Finally got Wolfenstien 2 downloaded for Switch, will look forward to play something else besides Zelda for a bit Smash Bros awaits in the wings. Christmas gifts are starting to take abit of idea form. UCF continues to climb, will need upsets by Texas and Northwestern to have a shot at Playoff but without QB is risky. 11/26/18 Mom threw out her back, not sure if it was from picking up Eli but she seemed more out of sorts than usual. Other replacement for Cap 2 joined, liking him so far. Small issue with Chyenne who was on phone for nealry 15 minutes in the middle of the aisle, and nobody said a peep. If it was me, would have been fired. Privelege indeed. Guy at McDonalds may be homeless, was tempted to report him but with all the white calling blacks for doing normal stuff no way id risk it. 11/27/18 This day always seems to be the quietest when it comes to stuff coming out, almost nothing. One movie I wanted to get for Eli when he was here finally showed up. Wrapped up DVD's as gifts for Eric and them. 15% extra coming Thursday. Not sure what itll be used for. 11/28/18 Rare Wednesday I had store duties as well as class. Got extra 15% card for the even 25%. Glad ill be able to use it this time. Unlike what I originally had intended for The 30th. Could use some more snow around here. 11/29/18 25% discount thankfully goes 2 days so held off on that. Visited WITC the Christmas decorations are great as usual. Visited Menards but the so called enchanted forest seemed lacking. At least I was able to get bulbs and another set of blue lights. Sold ticket, hopeful Andy can get in tomorrow and enjoy himself. 11/30/18 Contigency Plan #2: Animated Grinch, OK Cumberbatch was excellent and Pharell ups Anthony Hopkins but the movie was just simply Ok. 25% got used well for Moms clients and Connor and Amber. Andy and Carynn got in and enjoyed themselves. Also got thier save the date and details on the  Weddding. Looks like a fun 4 day trip next May. Last Part of Year begins, lets see if this can finish strong. Never  figured at start that id be blogging this but just goes to so. 334 Days down 31 to Go.