#i used to be the most outgoing kid you could imagine. probably twice as annoying..............or thrice

[kodyzzz]

a recent encounter in the wild of a person i used to be friends in primary school, really made me think about how much has changed since then. because that friend is the same as i remember them, in the best meaning of that sentence, and im just. well💀

[aerinmelina]

Growing up, I used to spend summers with my mom’s parents. They lived in a lakeside community which was also near an ocean, and I enjoyed fishing and swimming and boating and crabbing and such as a teenager.

Anyway. During the summer between my 6th and 7th grade years, my parents bought a house and decided to surprise me by having it all ready by the time I came home from my grandparents’ house at the end of the season. I remember walking into the house - I’d been there before, because it had previously been owned by friends of ours - and my mom said we were house-sitting when I asked her why we were here when our friends weren’t. She then led me from room to room and kept asking questions like, “Why do you think they put this in here?” and “Why do you think they painted this room pink?”

I wasn’t stupid. I know that Something Was Up. I just never imagined that my parents would have bought a house at all, let alone this one.

“Maybe they’re expecting a daughter?” I said. It wasn’t a baseless assumption; the couple who had owned the house previously were young and the wife had been pregnant.

“No, it’s because this is your room now!”

My thoughts at the time?

Pink. Oh my gosh. It’s pink. Whyyyyyyy.

Hang on. Is my mom letting me move in with this family? I mean. I’ll miss my dad and brother. But like. Why this family? I like them fine, but I don’t want to live with them.

(^^That is literally how far fetched I believed the idea of my parents owning a house was. They were terrible with money. The worst. And houses cost money. Lots of it.)

Anyway. My mom was offended that I was offended because my room was bright pink when, at the time, I was going through this tomboy phase and liked all things blue and black and she knew that and she painted my room anyway in her attempt to “girlify” me, which was not lost on me at all, and which I was equally annoyed with.

I digress. I had a new, pink bedroom in a new-to-us house. With a back yard. Which wasn’t next to a metal factory, so that meant my brother and I could actually play outside without like. Worrying about getting metal shavings imbedded in our feet. (Story for another day.)

Along with this move came a switch in middle schools. My parents fought hard to keep my brother in his elementary school, but they didn’t even ask to try and keep me in my middle school. I was 12. I would have to make brand new friends. I was pretty shy. I was not happy about this. At all.

I remember going to my new school to fill out enrollment forms and such. The school was literally 3 minutes away from our new house, just up the street; I would be walking to and from school every day, something which I was actually kind of looking forward to. If I could look forward to anything. I hated this. I didn’t ask to move. Our apartment had been just fine.

Anyway. Sitting in the main office at the new school, I was given a list of elective classes and was told to number them in order of my all-star favorite to please-don’t-put-me-in-this-class least favorite. The office staff told me that because I was enrolling so late, a lot of the classes had already filled up, but they would do their best to put me in the classes I wanted to take along with the standard courses that every student would be taking. I looked at the list. Choir :), Accelerated P.E. (wow that sounded like a nightmare), Art :), Metal Shop!!, Wood Shop!!, Drama (nah), Speech (Super Nope!!!), and a few others which I’ve forgotten by now.

My list went something like this:

Choir

Wood Shop

Art

Metal Shop

Accelerated P.E.

Drama

Speech

Speech was at the absolute bottom of my list. The office staff told me that the teacher for Drama and Speech was amazing, talked him up, and asked me why I didn’t want to take that class. I said I was shy and had a fear of public speaking. Duh. They kind of grimaced and looked at each other, then said, “We’ll do our best,” and sent my mom and I on our way back home.

I wasn’t surprised when I saw Speech on my class list a week or so later. I wouldn’t have it until second semester, thankfully, but I was already dreading it.

Seventh grade at this new school wound up being a lot of fun, if I’m being perfectly honest. I hated being the new kid at first, but made friends with another new kid who was way more outgoing than I was, and together we eventually made friends with more people. I have lots of stories to share there, but today I wanted to talk about Speech Class.

My speech teacher was, well… let’s call him Mr. Jones. He was outgoing, had clear expectations, was pretty mellow, and honestly? He was charismatic and the entire student body loved him.

I was a nervous wreck when I stepped into his classroom for the first time (and for most of the following times thereafter as well). For whatever reason, I had no problems singing solos in front of the whole school (and I did so twice that year), but the idea of public speaking was petrifying. And I even had lots of opportunities to practice that through both my church and school.

(I know I’m not alone in this sentiment.)

One of the first things Mr. Jones told us was that by the end of the semester, we would be able to deliver speeches and oral reports without using “filler words” such as “like”, “um”, and “er.” He also told us that our vocabulary would expand considerably, thanks to weekly tests he would be giving us (noooo). And we would be delivering speeches to one another on a weekly basis as well, on a variety of different subjects, and those speeches would increase in length as the semester drew on. All students were to compliment each presenting student on something they did well with each speech they gave, and critique would be solely left to Mr. Jones to provide. (Which was good, because let’s face it, 7th grade kids can be positively evil to each other.) Mr. Jones made it clear that we were not to judge or criticize anyone else’s speeches, and told us that he trusted us to keep each other’s speeches confidential. He explained that he wanted his classroom to be a safe place for us to talk about whatever we wanted; things we enjoyed, books we loved, problems we had, negative life experiences, positive life experiences, etc.

These were all very important factors which, honestly, influenced and changed my life for the better. I’ll get into that in a bit.

Mr. Jones’ class was tough. And I was terrified. I tried to drop his class, but was assured by the office that all of the other half-year elective classes were full; I didn’t have any other options. So I bit the bullet and decided to try my best. I would call no more attention to myself than I absolutely had to, I would try to not fail the vocabulary tests, and I would listen to others and provide sincere compliments. I would also - gulp - do my best at giving public speaking a shot.

I don’t exactly remember the method which Mr. Jones used in order to get us to stop using “filler words” in our speeches, but it worked. I don’t remember specific vocabulary words I was forced to memorize, but he was right; my understanding of the English language, and the number of words in my arsenal, greatly expanded. And I learned several important lessons:

Courage doesn’t mean that there’s an absence of fear. It means that you follow through with what you know is right, regardless of however much fear you are feeling.

Sometimes we are given tasks which we feel are way above our ability to manage. These are times when we must challenge ourselves to rise to the occasion.

(Going along with #2) You never know what you are capable of until you are put to the test. You’d be surprised at what you can personally accomplish.

Other people have different experiences than you; you can choose to listen and learn from their experiences, and you can 100000% do so without being a jerkface to them, too.

Teenagers are capable of respecting the people around them, are capable of empathy, and are capable of keeping confidentiality/maintaining bonds of trust. These are powers which teenagers do possess, and powers which they absolutely can control, utilize, and choose to exercise. (I was deeply impressed by my fellow classmates.)

One semester of a speech class didn’t cure my fear of public speaking. Not at all. But it did give me valid tools which I still use to this day. It gave me a lot of confidence in my capabilities to gather my thoughts on a piece of paper, organize them into a cohesive flow, and then be able to read those thoughts aloud without stumbling all over them. Mr. Jones laid the foundation for me to begin to think critically. To really consider my words before I write or say them. He drilled into my brain that I had a voice, and that it was a voice worth sharing and being listened to. Those are lessons I will never forget. And, because of Mr. Jones and everything I learned from him, I entered a career field which ultimately led to me speaking in public on a regular basis. I am a leader in my office. I provide training for our new and existing employees. I am aiming to become a manager within the next couple of years.

I’m still nervous when it comes to public speaking (especially during those times when I am speaking in a courtroom). I will probably always be nervous about it. I have been extremely close to vomiting from nerves in the past. But you know what? I’ve spoken before, I’ve survived, I’ve been successful at it, and I’ll do it again in the future. My confidence really started to blossom with my 7th grade speech class, where I received tons of practice, and that practice was further compounded by other speaking opportunities at school and church as well.

Mr. Jones was an excellent human being. He was well-loved for a million reasons. He believed in us, and we didn’t want to prove him wrong.

I believe in you, too. I say this, because I know that a lot of you need to hear it. I’m being sincere. I believe in you. You can do hard things. You can make it through.

[blt-prf]

HIM - Chapter 9 (Moving on) | Ao3

Taehyung's acting weird. He's speaking less, spacing out more and forcing smiles at jokes he doesn't even find funny, and it's just...weird.  

Namjoon blames it on the summer heat when Jungkook first mentions it, while Yoongi claims that he's noticed nothing strange about him except for his grades getting better, strangely enough.

Seokjin says that it's probably nothing, that he knows Taehyung like the back of his hand and that he's learned from personal experiences that it's either because he misses his dog, back at his grandparents' house, or because his favorite character in that one anime he never shuts up about just died.  

Hoseok claims that Taehyung's always been weird and Jungkook wonders why no one ever fucking understands.

“Tae’s been acting weird,” Jimin breathes out one night, gaze lowered and voice small.  

"Yeah," Jungkook simply replies. He doesn't mention the fact that it all started back when Jimin skipped school because Taehyung, presumably, didn't feel well. Jimin looks at him in silence for a few seconds before lowering his gaze again, as if he was expecting another reply. “If you think I know something you don't, you're wrong,” Jungkook tells him as he crushes his cigarette under his foot. He failed at quitting again.  

“He tells you everything." Jimin insists. "Is there someone Tae doesn't get along with?" he adds when Jungkook doesn’t reply.  

"Is there someone he does get along with?" he asks back and Jimin sighs deeply. Jungkook tentatively holds out his pack of cigarettes and swears Jimin considers taking one for an instant.  

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"  

"Trying to get me to smoke."  

"You're no fun."  

"I thought you quit?"  

"Tried to," Jungkook corrects him. "Didn't go as planned."  

"Why?" Jimin asks, staring at the rooftops in the distance.  

"Cause I keep feeling like I can't breathe properly unless I smoke," Jungkook brightly confesses, as if it's no big deal "which is kinda funny."  

"Hilarious," Jimin emotionlessly comments.  

"You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what?" Jimin suddenly looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "The headaches? The mood swings? The lack of concentration and the tightness in your chest?" Jungkook opens his mouth to speak but stops when Jimin laughs. "Does it feel like you're getting a cold?" he then asks.  

"...yeah."  

"Your body needs time to get used to it," Jimin tells him. "You thought you'd suddenly feel healthy if you quit?"

"Why do you always carry a lighter around if you don't smoke?" Jungkook had asked him once.  

"Old habits," was Jimin's answer.

Jungkook should've figured out a long time ago.  

"If you can't quit right away, it's fine," Jimin then lets him know. "I failed about six times. The fourth day is always the worst," he manages to say before turning his attention to his phone screen and looking at it with a visibly annoyed expression on.

“Your secret admirer hasn’t given up yet, huh?” Jungkook teases.  

“It’s driving me crazy,” Jimin sighs, and it sounds so different from when he says it because he's breathless and can't stop laughing at Seokjin's jokes, or when Hoseok forces him to go watch Yoongi's basketball games and he complains in vain before agreeing.

Jungkook notices the last digits of the number and a smile instantly spreads on his face. “If I tell you who it is, what will you give me?” he asks and Jimin's expression immediately changes into a hurt one.

“You knew all along and didn't tell me?” he asks, sounding betrayed. “I’ve been getting texts non-stop for the past week!"  

“I just remembered now,” Jungkook laughs, amused at the whole situation. “This one girl in my physics class kept asking me for your number.”  

"I hate you," Jimin breathes out.  

"I didn't give it to her though," Jungkook adds and Jimin suspiciously looks at him. "Really. I swear it wasn't me," Jungkook assures him and Jimin's expression softens a bit.  

"You really didn't?" he asks in confirmation after long seconds of silence. Jungkook nods.  

“But I’m warning you, she's only after your body, money and fame," Jungkook says and Jimin snorts as he starts typing something. The texts stop.

“So that’s what they think of me?" Jimin laughs a bit. "A rich and spoiled kid with a lot of followers on instagram?”  

“A rich and spoiled kid with abs," Jungkook corrects him. "You intimidate them.

“Me?” Jimin asks offended and Jungkook knows by the tone of it that it’s the start of another argument. “They literally call you The Populars,” Jimin says, making a somewhat disgusted face at the words. Jungkook hates the name too.  

“Don’t drag me into this,” he laughs. “It started because of Namjoon and Yoongi. They got the stupid nickname back when they were starting to get known underground. Jin used to hang out with them a lot so he eventually got dragged into it too. At least that's what I've been told," Jungkook clarifies, "it happened before I moved here."

"What about the others?" Jimin asks.

"Tae was just grades below average and used his fists a lot, and Hoseok was, in fact, pretty popular," Jungkook laughs. "You know it too, he's loud and outgoing, and just gets along with everyone."

"How's that intimidating?" Jimin protests. "He's different from you guys."

"Well, Yoongi used to get into a lot of fights with whoever dared to look at him the wrong way, before hurting his shoulder pretty badly, so Hoseok was kind of untouchable," Jungkook explains, pressing his lips together into a tight smile. "Hoseok's complicated."

Jimin pouts a bit as he thinks about it. “What excuse do you have?” he then asks,

"Me?" Jungkook points at himself as he starts laughing. "I studied in LA for a year and then transferred here, so I guess they thought I was cool. Yugyeom didn’t," he then says, a hint of a smile still lingering on his lips. "He came up to me the first day and was like ‘Hey, can you even dance?’ so I joined the team because I was so pissed, and did all sort of dumb stuff with Tae to stand out," he says, smiling at the memories.

"Presumptuous and arrogant, and a showw off on top of that- no different from now," Jimin comments and Jungkook busts out laughing at the words, but doesn't deny them.

"Wanna know the truth?” he asks instead, and Jimin doesn't bother hiding his interest. “I only went to LA because I hadn’t gotten accepted into the Academy and was too scared I’d fail again to even try a second time,” he says, scrunching his nose a bit, aware that Jimin will most likely laugh in his face and never let him live it down.

Jimin doesn't. He slightly crooks his head to one side and hesitantly asks, "How come you didn’t get accepted?”

"My grades were awful," Jungkook easily confesses. "I couldn't even dance, on top of that?"

"You?" Jimin asks, laughing a bit.  

"Yeah," Jungkook laughs too. "Can you imagine me as a bad dancer?" he then asks, going back to his usual arrogant self Jimin can only laugh in disbelief at. "I'm not even sure if I liked dancing three years ago."

"Wait, didn't we take the entrance exam together then?" Jimin suddenly questions. "Three years ago?" 

"Oh," Jungkook suddenly realizes. He tries to shove the thought away but, somehow, it just makes him think of fate and how different things would be now if he had met Jimin earlier, and all that philosophical stuff that's meaningless to him but Namjoon never shuts up about. "No, no," Jungkook then laughs, deciding that it's better not to find out, "I wore Timberlands with every single outfit and couldn't dance. I wouldn't even want to meet myself from three years ago."

Jimin laughs too, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, out of habit. Jungkook stills when he notices a tiny mole on his pinky finger. He has one in the same exact spot.

"He said they'd be her soon," Hoseok says, "stop worrying for nothing."

"But they're late," Taehyung says as he impatiently looks at the time.  

"Jimin's always late," Hoseok reminds him. "Are you worried cause he's with Jungkook?" he asks but Taehyung doesn't answer. "You think they're gonna kill each other or something?"  

"No," Taehyung replies in a serious tone, "I think they'll accidentally become friends."  

"What if they do?"

"You know Jungkook."

"Come on, he's not gonna make any moves on Jiminnie," Hoseok laughs, but Taehyung just looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "He's not Jungkook's type," Hoseok insists. "His type is leather, piercings and dyed hair; body two parts skin and eight parts tattoos and breath that smells like smoke."  

"You just described Jimin three years ago," Taehyung casually replies and Hoseok looks at him with an unreadable expression, as if trying to understand whether it's a joke or not. "Except for the tattoo part. He only has one."  

"Are we talking about the same Jimin?" Hoseok asks and Taehyung nods a few times. "Cute and small Jimin who looks like he could cry the moment someone raises their voice?"  

"Why does everyone think he's cute?" Taehyung protests. "Jimin's everything but cute. Have you seen his abs?"  

"That's not-"  

"Have you seen him dance?" Taehyung interrupts him. "There's nothing cute or innocent 'bout him." Hoseok opens his mouth to disagree but the doorbell rings and Taehyung sits up straight so fast that his head starts spinning.

"If they didn't bring food, don't let them in," Hoseok shouts as Taehyung heads towards the door.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jimin says as he lets his forehead rest on Hoseok's shoulder and tries to catch his breath.  

"You said that twenty minutes ago too," Hoseok tells him with a smile. He smells like coffee, hair dye and Yoongi, and it makes Jimin sleepy.

"This time for real. I'm not doing it," Jimin complains before collapsing on Taehyung's bed and spreading his arms out. He looks up, sighing when Jungkook starts practicing his own choreography. He should be twice as tired, since he always helps Jimin too, but, somehow, he doesn’t look like it. And, somehow, Taehyung’s room seems tidier when everything is upside down.  

“Nervous?” Taehyung asks from next to him, barely audible over the loud music. Jimin wonders how come his neighbors never filled in a noise complaint for all the times they’ve used his room as a studio for the past two weeks.  

“A bit,” Jimin admits before Jungkook throws an empty water bottle at him.

"We don't have time to be nervous," he says, "get up."  

"Don't wanna."  

"Just one more time," Jungkook asks, a hint of desperation at the end of it which seems to make Jimin consider it for an instant.

"Don't wanna," he then repeats.

"Is the solo a joke to you?"  

"Yeah," Jimin replies without hesitation, and Jungkook can only sigh at the words because he can see right through him. Because he knows Jimin.  

He knows that underneath the cold facade there’s stubborn Jimin who sometimes sits on the floor and repeats 'I can’t do this' to him for half an hour before getting up and perfectly executing every single move, Jimin who's unsatisfied with his performance no matter how well Hoseok tells him he did and Jimin who gets grumpy whenever it rains and tries not to fall asleep during bus rides.  

He knows that Jimin has a short temper, that he can't stand it when Jungkook (intentionally) mentions his height and (intentionally) leans down a bit when he's speaking. He knows Jimin will complain the whole time on their walk home and that he'll practice some more on his own, although Jungkook clearly tells him to rest every single time.  

He knows Jimin only got a few hours of sleep, that he's nervous and restless, although he insists he's not as they're watching the other performances and waiting for their turn. He also knows that Jimin's dying to be on stage.  

He also knows that Jimin will win.  

Has to, otherwise it will all be useless.

Jungkook knows that Jimin doesn't like parties and that he's currently hating Taehyung for convincing him to come to one.

He wouldn't have come if Jungkook had asked, because Jimin doesn't like him, or drinking, or doing anything fun at all because Jimin is boring and not special in any way, and Jungkook doesn’t have a crush on him.

Anymore.  

Okay, maybe he does, but it's not really a crush.  

Like, half a crush.  

Like, if Jimin complained less and stopped being so grumpy all the time, and if he was a few centimeters taller and didn't have more muscles than Jungkook, and, maybe, if he dyed his hair some color other than plain black and considered getting a tattoo or two, Jungkook would reflect on the possibility of getting a crush on him. And then, if the timing wasn't wrong, it wasn't a complete absurdity and if Jimin wasn't Taehyung's best friend, Jungkook would definitely let himself fall in love with him.

But he can't, because Jimin's all of the above, because Taehyung would indubitably be against it and because it's not right. It's definitely not because Jungkook may or may not still be in love with Yugyeom or because he's afraid this whole thing could turn into less of a joke and more of a one-sided thing at some point, not at all, Jungkook tells himself because he's gotten over Yugyeom a long time ago and he could make Jimin fall for him in less than a month if he wanted to- maybe three weeks if he tried really hard- but it doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing does anymore.

Jungkook knows that Jimin's leaving.  

"Tonight, after everything is over," he hesitantly starts at some point, wrapping both of his arms around Hoseok and Taehyung, "there's something I got to tell you all." His words are slurred, cheeks flushed, although Jimin insists it's his 'natural blush' and claims that he's 'not drunk, Tae, just a bit dizzy', which, in Jungkook's opinion, sounds a lot like he's drunk.

Jimin's touchy around Hoseok and laughs a lot, and Jungkook teases him about every little thing, and because he doesn't want to think about the true meaning behind his words and because Jimin's too drunk to disagree.

"Are you happy that school's over or that we won?" Hoseok asks, draping himself over Jimin. He smells less like hair dye and more like alcohol now, and Jimin scrunches his nose at the cup he's being handed.

"Honestly," Jimin starts, hesitantly taking a sip and making a disgusted face afterwards, "it was all thanks to my solo." Jungkook rolls his eyes.  

"You mean the solo I taught you, day and night, throughout your nonstop complaining? The one you gave up on at least five times?"  

"You're mean," Jimin says, a pout forming where his smile was earlier.  

"I'm right and you're drunk."  

"Am not!" Jimin protests, almost spilling his drink when Taehyung wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin rest on his shoulder.  

"Are you two back to bickering now that it's over?" he sighs and Jimin squirms when his breath tickles his neck.

"We never stopped," Jungkook informs him.  

"Our personalities," Jimin mumbles, waving his hand in the air and trying to find the right words, "we just don't match. He doesn't even think I'm good at dancing," Jimin says as he points accusingly at Jungkook.

"I never said you weren't good," Jungkook protests.

"But you meant it!"  

"Stop being childish," Jungkook laughs.  

"Me?" Jimin laughs too this time, but his smile disappears quickly, as if it wasn't there to begin with. "You couldn't stand me but still made me apply for the stupid competition just to make Yugyeom jealous and I'm the childish one?"  

Beside him, Taehyung freezes. Hoseok goes quiet and Jungkook briefly glances at him.

"Don't look at me like that, I didn't know any of this," Hoseok tells him in a serious tone. "Don't drag me into it when you fuck up," he says before grabbing Taehyung's hand and leaving because 'Jungkook's not a fucking kid anymore, he should take care of it alone', and Jungkook hates to be the reason behind his disappointed expression.

"You think that's why I asked you to do it?" he asks and Jimin tries not to think about how hurt he sounds. The music is suddenly too loud and everything's too hot and there are too many people.

"I know it," Jimin says, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "So stop saying it was all because of you when Yugyeom made the choreography."  

"We made it together, before-" Jungkook pauses, suddenly unable to continue speaking, "-before everything went to hell and he backed out."

"I told you I wouldn't have done it if he was against it."

"And I told you he wouldn't have said no if I asked him. I asked and he said he didn't fucking care," Jungkook replies, unintentionally raising his voice and realizing it too late. "I would've never asked you to do something as important just to hurt him," he says, a bit quieter, and Jimin pouts as he thinks about it.

"That's not what everyone else says."  

"So you'll just trust what everyone else says instead of trusting me?"

"No," Jimin replies after long seconds of silence that feel like forever. They also say you still love him, he thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. He shouldn't care.  

"If you ever do this again-" Jungkook says in a warning tone, abruptly stopping in the middle of the sentence because he remembers that Jimin won't, that he'll be miles away, starting over in a new city while Jungkook will be stuck in the same place, thinking that he should've treated him better while comforting Taehyung and dealing with Hoseok's mood swings which no one but Jimin manages to prevent.

"Do what again?" Jimin asks.

"Make me feel guilty for something I didn't do," Jungkook quickly replies. So you shouldn't leave, some voice in his head whispers, because it would make me feel ever guiltier.

"I just don't feel good about winning," Jimin says and Jungkook swears he can hear his own heart breaking. This is not how things were supposed to go. Jimin was supposed to be happy and have nice memories before leaving.

"You knew it was originally Yugyeom who was supposed to do it," Jungkook says, hating the way it still hurts to talk about him.

"Not because of that," Jimin tells him, "they're just saying that you two-" he pauses, trying to formulate it better, and then he simply sighs.

"They're saying we broke up because of you?" Jungkook suddenly realizes.

"And that I took advantage of it to perform tonight," Jimin quietly adds, making Jungkook sigh.

"They're just rumors, Jimin" he says, "they mean nothing.

"They do," Jimin quietly protests. and Jungkook knows it because Jimin never shuts up about wanting to live quietly and not stand out, and because having Jungkook around means everything but that. "I told you I was only doing it for Hoseok," Jimin then reminds him, and Jungkook can't help but feel hurt by the words. He remembers that night and Jimin's words, and how easily Jimin let them out.

"When this semester is over, we won’t have to see each other ever again."

"So what, you just wanna pretend that we don't know each other now? As we agreed?" Jungkook asks. Part of him thinks that he should stop there, keep his mouth shut and not worsen it, but his words are quicker than his thoughts. "Must be easy for you since you did it with Tae plenty of times before," he blurts out before he can stop himself and the way Jimin stares back at him makes his heart fill with regret.

"You don't know anything," Jimin replies, trying to hide how hurt he is by the words. "About Tae and about me. You don't know a fucking thing."

"I just know that you weren't there when he needed you the most," Jungkook says, ignoring once again that part of him that keeps telling him to shut up already.  

"And you think you're any better?" Jimin asks. "I couldn't be with him because I was away, but what excuse do you have? You're next to him every single day and still haven't noticed a thing cause you're too busy trying to impress everyone," Jimin blurts out and then goes quiet, as if that was something he wasn't supposed to say.  

"Notice what?"

"Nothing," Jimin sighs. "Forget everything."

"Jimin," Jungkook warns. He doesn't know whether Jimin replies because he wants to prove a point or hurt him, but Jungkook supposes it's the latter.

"The bruises he asked me not to tell you about," Jimin answers and Jungkook's mind goes blank. "If you gave a shit about him, you would've noticed."

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" Jungkook asks in a weak voice. "Why didn't he tell me anything?" he then mutters to himself, running a hand through his hair and letting out an unsteady breath. That's not how someone who doesn't give a shit would react, Jimin briefly thinks, but shoves the thoughts away immediately. "When'd you find out?" Jungkook asks, just to make sure, he tells himself.  

"Last week," Jimin quietly replies, confirming his fears. Jungkook can't stop thinking of back when Taehyung had stormed out of the bathroom, trying to cover himself up, and now everything suddenly makes sense.

He would rather find out that they were secretly dating.

"So let me get this straight," Jungkook sighs. "You were mad at me the whole time because of something I hadn't done, because of some rumors that aren't even true and because of something I had no clue about?" he asks, counting them on his fingers.

"Well..." Jimin mumbles, biting his lower lip as Jungkook sighs again. "Where are you going?" Jimin suddenly asks, a hint of worry in his voice as he starts following Jungkook.

"To find Tae."  

"I didn't tell you anything," Jimin tells him in a warning tone. "You found out on your own."  

"Okay," Jungkook quietly replies.

"Don't do anything stupid," Jimin says, but Jungkook doesn't answer this time.

  Hoseok stares at Jungkook the whole time, until Jimin kindly lets him know that everything is okay now and that he shouldn't worry about a thing, watching as his frown slowly disappears.

Yoongi is angry, says there are too many people around him and their basketball court is not for lame parties they have to sneak alcohol at, but Jungkook knows it's because Hoseok isn't paying attention to him.  

Namjoon and Seokjin are off bickering about dancing again- at least they're having fun, Jungkook thinks, and Taehyung's doing that thing again- pretending that everything's fine although the world is falling to pieces around him, running to Jungkook to show him some funny picture he took of Yoongi earlier as if it's the only thing that matters. Jungkook grabs his hand instead, staring at the bruises on his knuckles. He doesn't want to think of how many more his clothes might be hiding.  

"How'd you get these?" he casually asks, wondering why he hasn't noticed them earlier.

"Oh, this?" Taehyung brightly asks, looking at his hand. "Fell off my skateboard last week," he explains. Jungkook hums quietly in response.

"You went skateboarding without me?" he then asks.

"You were too busy hanging out with Jimin," Taehyung says, pouting a bit, "didn't want to distract you." He glances at Jimin and hesitates a bit before speaking again. "Did you really-"

"Use him to hurt Yugyeom?" Jungkook interrupts, sounding irritated, "You know I would have never."

"Okay," Taehyung breathes out relieved. "Just to make sure," he clarifies.  

"Do you like Jimin?" Jungkook suddenly asks. "Just to make sure," he adds.  

"Never did," Taehyung replies, but Jungkook thinks he can't tell truth from lies when it comes to him anymore. "Do you still like Yugyeom?" Taehyung asks back.  

"No."  

"You replied too fast."  

"Shut up."

Taehyung goes quiet for a while, distractedly watching Jimin in the distance, and it takes Jungkook a moment to register what he's saying when he speaks again.

"You know, I liked it better when you couldn't shut up about how hot Jimin was rather than this."

"You hated it when I talked about him," Jungkook quietly protests.  

"You were gross and he was my best friend, how can you blame me?" Taehyung smiles a bit. "Besides, if you're gonna fall for Jiminnie, fall for his irresistible personality and not for his abs." Jungkook snorts.  

"Yeah, but his thighs-"  

"Jungkook."  

"See? It still bothers you," Jungkook says, laughing at how easy it was to prove his point as he reaches for Hoseok's drink and takes a sip. Taehyung can't stop laughing at the disgusted face he makes afterwards as Jimin throws himself on his lap, stumbles slightly in the process, and points at Jungkook.  

"I'll forgive you," he says, in a completely serious tone, and Jungkook raises one eyebrow at the words.

"Was that Yoongi's song?"

"Maybe."

"How wasted are you?"  

"I'm not drunk, I just remembered something," Jimin insists, and Jungkook thinks it would be almost credible if not for his poor balance, slurred words and way too friendly attitude. "Jungkook, the pool!" Jimin says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.  

"Jimin," Jungkook starts, speaking slowly and clearly, the way he does when he's stuck babysitting his cousins with Taehyung and they do something extremely stupid, "we're not going to the pool."  

"But-"  

"Let me phrase that better, I'm not going. You're free to go by yourself."  

"I can't go alone!"

"Why?" Jungkook teases "Too scared?"  

"I don't remember the way," Jimin blurts out and Jungkook rolls his eyes at the lame excuse.

"It's literally the only abandoned building there is in the middle of the field."  

"We had to call Yoongi because we got lost last time," Jimin insists.

"Because it was pitch dark and my phone was dying," Jungkook coldly replies. "You'll be fine this time."

"What's this all about?" Taehyung asks, looking at them both with a confused expression on.  

"Please," Jimin finally sighs, ignoring Taehyung's question.

"Let me think about it for a few days," Jungkook replies and Jimin groans in frustration. "Why do you even wanna go back there?"  

"Tae hasn't seen it," Jimin replies, as if it's supposed to convince Jungkook. "And we won't have to hide the alcohol there," he adds as Jungkook starts considering it. "When will we get to go there again if not today?" Jimin then mumbles and guilt makes its way to Jungkook's heart once again, the same way it does when he is reminded that Jimin is leaving, but a bit worse every single time.  

"What are you gonna give me if I take you there?" he asks and Jimin momentarily shines with happiness, trying to think of something.  

"A snapback!" he blurts out, "Do you like snapbacks? Oh, I have a lot of embarrassing stories about Tae from when we were kids!"  

"Hey!" Taehyung warns, starting to tickle him, and Jimin is a mess of giggles.  

"And then I-I have a lot of pictures of him naked-stop!" he manages to say as he's laughing. "And Tae covered them with elephant drawings," he says, trying to catch his breath from laughing too much.

Jungkook sighs, scratching his head and looking at the dumb smile on Jimin's face which, he thinks, can't get any wider. He's proven wrong when he reaches for his jacket and says something along the lines of 'go get the others'.  

"Really?!" Jimin asks (screams) and Jungkook thinks that he must really want to go back there.

"Are you guys going home already?" Yoongi casually asks as they're heading towards the exit.  

"Taking the fun somewhere else," Taehyung winks. "Wanna come?"  

"Everywhere is fine, just take me out of here," Yoongi sighs, throwing a last look of disgust at the general direction of the mass gathered in the middle of the court for some boring game.  

Namjoon ends up tagging along too, saying something about how he was going to hurt whoever was responsible for the playlist, and Seokjin is there just to nag. Jungkook rolls his eyes as the words "property trespassing" are mentioned for the eighths time.  

"It's an abandoned pool," he protests, "it's not property trespassing when it's no one's property," he explains and, with the amount of alcohol everyone's blood, it seems pretty convincing.  

Hoseok complains the whole time because "you're the one who wanted to leave, why do I have to follow you?"  to which Yoongi simply takes his hand into his and sweetly tells him to "shut the fuck up" and "the guy you were trying to flirt with was an asshole anyway."  

"You said you didn't know him," Hoseok points out.  

"I could see it in his eyes," Yoongi replies and Hoseok wonders why everyone always goes along with his ridiculous excuses.

"Could've just said you didn't want me to go home with him," Hoseok mumbles under his breath.  

"I didn't," Yoongi easily admits, and Hoseok goes quiet. He hates these moments the most, when Yoongi manages to make him feel a way he's not supposed to, when he blurts words out easily, carelessly, as if they mean nothing to him, as if he doesn't know they mean the world to Hoseok. Maybe he'll tell Jimin about it someday. Maybe.

"Why didn't I know about this place?" he asks all of a sudden, going back to his bright and loud self as he lets go of Yoongi's hand and wraps an arm around Jimin's shoulder. "We should've come here a long time ago."

"Like you would've let us," Taehyung protests., to which Hoseok tries to find excuses that Jungkook is too tired to hear. He thinks he's starting to understand why Jimin wanted to go back there so bad.

The sky is slowly getting darker as Namjoon begins to tell them something about a constellation Jungkook can barely see from how dizzy he is.

It's peaceful, for some reason, maybe because he's surrounded by the people he treasures the most, and Jimin seems happy too- all wobbly walking and full-body laughs that end up with him throwing himself into someone's arms.  

"Jimin, bang!" Seokjin suddenly says, pretending that his fingers are a gun, to which Jimin laughs until he's breathless and nobody really understands why. Namjoon looks at him as if it's the cutest thing he's ever seen and Jungkook laughs in disbelief because who would've expected resident bad boy Kim Namjoon to be all dimply smiles around Jimin and emotionless Min Yoongi to develop a soft spot for him in such a short time?  

"I like cute things," Namjoon says in his defense.  

"Jimin's not cute. Have you seen him on stage earlier?" Yoongi asks and Taehyung makes some incoherent noise in the distance that Hoseok supposes is his way of expressing his happiness for finally finding someone who agrees with him. "He was born to be on one," Yoongi continues. "I kinda wanna see him rap."

"Jiminnie's mine," Hoseok cuts in with a loud and high pitched voice, hugging Jimin tightly as Taehyung glares at him from the other side.  

"Stop fighting over my baby," Seokjin then interrupts them.  

"Your baby?" Namjoon asks in disbelief and Jungkook can't help but laugh.  

It's like they all accidentally adopted a puppy and got attached, and now they have to let it go. And Jungkook suddenly thinks that he was wrong the whole time and that he doesn't know Jimin at all.  

He doesn't know what Jimin's favorite color is or what kind of movies he likes (he always claims that he's too busy to watch any). He knows nothing about his past, his childhood or his family, except for the fact that he might have a brother. Or two. Jungkook can't really remember. He doesn't know Jimin at all and he realizes it when Taehyung starts phrases with "Jimin, remember that one time-" and "when we were kids, Jimin and I-"

Taehyung also always says "don't get fooled by Jimin, he used to be worse than me. He's a whole different person now" and when Jungkook asks which one he likes more, Taehyung says he likes Jimin the best when he's happy, and Jimin has been happy lately. Jimin's happy right now.  

So Jungkook does what any other good friend would do- shoves another bottle of alcohol in his face, which Jimin initially looks confused at and then refuses quite amused.  

"I drank too much already," he says, laughing.  

"Too scared you can't handle it?" Jungkook challenges.  

"No, I just wanna be able to walk back home after this."

"You're no fun," Jungkook sighs, making Jimin smile. "I'll take you home," Jungkook tries again and Jimin raises an eyebrow, considering the offer.

"Jiminnie," Hoseok starts, sighing softly, "don't listen to him."

"Okay," Jimin accepts and Hoseok laughs in disbelief.

"You know you don't have to do everything just to prove him wrong, right?" he asks, but Jimin ignores his words.

"Jimin, just...whatever happens, don't strip," Seokjin warns him.  

"You made him do it last time!" Namjoon protests.  

"Jimin stripped?" Yoongi suddenly bursts out laughing.

"No, no, they were just fooling around," Hoseok explains.

"Everything I know, I learned from Jimin," Taehyung says, pointing at him, but Jimin simply laughs, mumbling something along the lines of "what are you talking about?", not completely denying it either.

Jungkook wonders just how different he used to be.

"If you had met Jimin before, you would have fallen for him in a heartbeat," Taehyung once told him and Jungkook suddenly wonders how true it is because even right now, whenever he sees Jimin smile, he feels like falling.

Some part of his brain convinces him that he's too drunk to think about what that might mean, so Jungkook listens to it, brushing the thoughts off as he laughs at some joke he didnìt even fully hear.

“Hey, I wrote a killer beat,” Yoongi says at some point and Jungkook wonders with a hazy mind when the topic changed and if everything around spins just as fast for everyone else as it does for him.

“Again?” he mumbles. “We record every day."  

"Recording every day is fine," Namjoon says, "It's the same beat that's boring."

"This one's different," Hoseok says as Yoongi presses the play button on his phone, "I listened to it and it's pretty good."

"It's alright," Seokjin says after moments of silence.  

"Not bad?" Yoongi asks smiling.  

"This is good?" Namjoon says in a slightly questioning tone. "I like it."  

"It's great!" Taehyung agrees.

"Hey, it's been a while. How about a cypher?" Yoongi then asks.  

"Don't drag me into this," Seokjin groans.

"I'm gonna crash you all anyway, so what's the point?" Jungkook cuts in. He's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to formulate a full coherent phrase.

"Oh, so now you're good at rapping too?" Jimin asks laughing.

"I'm good at everything."  

"Cocky," Jimin comments.  

"Realistic," Jungkook disagrees.  

"Okay, okay, silence!" Hoseok shushes them although there is no noise except for the beat quietly playing on Yoongi's phone. "Let's play a game."

"Please don't start this," Seokjin groans, "I don't wanna kiss any of you."  

"It's okay, I do!" Taehyung exclaims, a bit too excited.  

"Didn't you already, you ass?" Namjoon reminds him.  

"I didn't kiss Yoongi yet," Taehyung pouts.  

"And I would like to keep it that way, thank you very much," Yoongi replies.  

"Wait, all of us? For real?" Jungkook asks and Taehyung proudly nods. "You all better have some good excuses," he says as he bursts out laughing.  

"Spin the bottle," Namjoon immediately announces.  

"Truth and dare," Hoseok joins.

"You two hated each other," Jungkook says as he points to Hoseok while staring at Taehyung.  

"A game is a game," Taehyung shrugs as Hoseok solemnly nods.  

"He gave me a flower in third grade and pecked me on the lips," Seokjin then says.  

"Seokjin was cute," Taehyung explains.  

"Fair enough," Namjoon decides. "What excuse do you have?" he laughs as he stares at Jungkook, who starts laughing too.  

"I was going through some stuff," Jungkook says, hesitantly.

"Stuff," Yoongi repeats.  

"So I got wasted," Jungkook continues.  

"Cliché," Yoongi comments.  

"Tae wasn't, so he has no excuses," Jungkook says, but Taehyung simply shrugs.  

"Was that back when you claimed you were straight?" Yoongi teases.  

"Look who's fucking talking," Jungkook laughs as he throws a potato chip at him. Laughter slowly turns into silence as their gazes stop on Jimin.  

"Don't look at me like that," he laughs, bending forwards.  

"Oh, right. I also didn't kiss Jimin," Taehyung casually announces.  

"Bullshit," Namjoon accuses. "Must've happened at some point with how touchy and clingy you both are."  

"Clingy who?" Jimin pouts, poking his dimples and momentarily forgetting that he's been sitting on his lap ever since he claimed that he was cold and Namjoon willingly offered him his jacket and a hug.

"Jimin, stop flirting with Namjoon," Yoongi laughs. "You're giving him fake hope."

"No, no, I've given up already," Namjoon laughs. "He doesn't like my height."

"Jimin has weird taste in boys," Taehyung then laughs as Jimin tries to weakly kick him and fails. "When he was four there was this kid with funny teeth he saw at the beach- Jimin's first love," Taehyung dramatically announces as Jimin starts laughing in Namjoon's arms, embarrassed at the memories.  

"Funny-teeth kid or the beach?" Seokjin asks, confused.  

"Both," Taehyung replies.  

"Hey, don't make fun of people's teeth," Jungkook laughs.

"Yeah, whatever, bunny," Taehyung teases, getting a weak slap on his arm in return. "Jimin never saw him again and decided to fill the void in his heart with strawberries, making the first step towards his current addiction to them. When we were in second grade, it was our classmate whom Jimin shared his strawberries with."  

"Why do you like strawberries so much?" Namjoon interrupts him and Jimin replies with something about them growing up at Taehyung's grandparents' strawberry farm.

"Later, Jimin fell in love with dancing," Taehyung continues, ignoring Jimin's protests, "and when we got a bit older he fell head over heels for-"

"Should I talk about your crushes?" Jimin interrupts him with a challenging smile.

"I can't even remember them all," Jungkook laughs as Taehyung throws his jacket at him.

Everything around is quiet and the darkness makes the stars easier to see. Yoongi starts complaining about how uncomfortable Hoseok's shoulder is and Seokjin almost has a heart attack when he hears some distant noise. Taehyung says he's dizzy while Jimin, for some reason, is still trying to pretend that he's completely sober.

"I wanna do a documentary next year for my final photography project," Yoongi says at some point.  

"About what?" Hoseok turns around to face him.  

"Youth," Yoongi replies, "just us doing dumb shit the whole time."  

Namjoon laughs. "Why?" he asks after a while.

"Because this," Yoongi says, slurring a bit and pointing at them all, "won't last forever. We'll eventually go on our own paths and start thinking about nothing money."  

"Is wanting money that bad?" Namjoon asks. "You always say it too, that you'd want to live in a big house, have a big car and stuff."  

"That's cause I don't have any dreams," Yoongi says, frowning a bit. "I'm not like Seok, or Jungkook, who work their asses off for what they love. I just gotta do well at school and do as my parents say," he sighs. "That's why I'm saying this is my last chance to just fuck around."

"Hey, you think it's different for me?" Namjoon asks. "My parents won't let me live until I become a doctor or a lawyer, or some shit."  

"It's like that, Joon-ah. Life is a daily oscillation between revolt and submission," Yoongi sighs, trying to remember where he first heard it as he uses Hoseok's thigh as a pillow and stares at the sky. "I'm putting that on the cover of my mixtape, just try to stop me."  

"Hey, let's not think about it," Seokjin suddenly speaks, trying to brighten up the atmosphere.  

"We still have all summer ahead," Hoseok agrees.

"I gotta release the mixtape before it ends," Yoongi groans.  

"Jungkook's gotta quit smoking," Taehyung adds, "and give his liver a break."  

"I'm still sober," Jungkook insists, taking the lack of dizziness as a good sign.

"You can't get drunk. You gotta make sure Jimin gets home safe," Taehyung mumbles, rubbing his sleepy eyes.  

"What time it is?" Seokjin asks.  

"No clue," Namjoon replies, ignoring Hoseok's 'shouldn't you be able to tell by the position of the stars or some shit with your IQ?' "I think I lost my phone," Namjoon then calmly announces, as if he's not one bit surprised.

"I think I've been sitting on it the whole time," Yoongi informs him, but doesn't move to actually check.

"Hey, don't you have work tomorrow?" Hoseok suddenly asks, but Jimin simply shakes his head.

"He quit,"Taehyung brightly announces.

"Taetae told me to, so I did," Jimin explains, too sleepy to care about the nickname slipping.

"You did well," Taehyung assures him, patting his hair.

"Buy me strawberries," Jimin then sleepily demands.

"Hey," Taehyung suddenly remembers, pointing at Jimin. "You said you wanted to tell us something."

Hoseok suddenly turns around, hurt hidden under his faint smile. Jungkook scratches his nape and swallows hard. They both look at each other with knowing gazes and then Hoseok sighs, looking away.

Jimin is leaving.

"What was it?" Taehyung asks again when he doesn't reply.

"I forgot," Jimin happily replies as he stares at the sky. Jungkook gives Hoseok a questioning look and the latter simply shrugs.  

"If you forgot, then it wasn't important," Taehyung says, lying down and using Seokjin's thigh as a pillow. Jimin hums in agreement as Namjoon wraps his arms around his waist and slightly shakes his head when the latter asks him if he's still cold.

And with one last glance at the sky, imprinting the constellations on the back of his eyelids, Jimin sighs softly, letting go of all of his worries.

"I wanna start dancing again."

To be continued