#i understand the complexities of it

[coffeewithcalypso]

4:46AM

I've done a lot of emotional labor tonight and I am tired.

A friend earlier this evening messaged me. We don't talk a lot other than when we see each other in person but sometimes he gets buzzed/drunk and will end up messaging me. Which is what he did tonight. It wasn't too bad, he was spiraling a little about something, I didn't ask. Mostly just wanted to talk.

Then right when I was falling asleep at 3AM my friend with the piece of shit abusive husband calls me which is usually a good way to ruin my night, though never as badly as hers has been. At least tonight she was calling because he decided to be an abusive piece of shit again and got arrested this time. But I did have to sit with her for almost two hours while she processed that. She also just got over covid. Or is supposedly over it. I swear if I get covid from this I'll be so pissed. I'm going see Janelle Monae next weekend. But at least he's hopefully out the picture since he was already on probation from the last time he was an abusive piece of shit.

No one is allowed to have a single feeling in my vicinity for the next 24 hours. I just can't do it

[birdy-babe]

Blitzøs entire life spent being unwanted. So he adapted, and learned how to be something needed, something to be used.

Which is why I think he firmly believes he is being used by Stolas. He simply cannot fathom a different reality, one in which he is wanted for once in his life.

[cogneartive]

theyre like siblings to me. theyre liek oomfs….

[valtsv]

an angle i enjoy in cosmic/eldritch horror is when, instead resorting to the old classic "the horrors being so incomprehensible that they break your brain and drive you mad" cliché, the premise is that in comprehending the horrors you are so changed by the experience that your new state is indistinguishable to an outside observer from madness. you comprehend the unknowable just fine, but actually communicating that to anyone else is impossible because they just don't have the mental framework required to understand it. the eldritch horrors don't drive you mad. what does is the ordinary everyday horror of finding yourself isolated, ridiculed and doubted at every turn, no matter how hard you try to make yourself heard and understood.

[winterpeta1s]

girl???

"I'm not really a bad guy"

[watermelinoe]

why is it "this is what happens when you tell white boys they're devils :(" when it comes to the white male alt right pipeline but no one calls for empathy for uneducated right wing white women. what about the high school girl to isolated stay at home mom pipeline. where is their loneliness epidemic

[beesleeps]

"kabru doesn't even like laios"

meanwhile, kabru:

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

My lame hot take is that Stan doesn't pay his taxes because he genuinely doesn't know how tf it works. He was kicked out at 17 and he technically just lived out in his car the whole time so it's not like anyone ever taught him how, so he just doesn't.

[hood-ex]

I love when people play with the idea that Dick and Jason are bound together by a father that no longer exists. It's something only they can relate to each other on. If one of them goes down, the surviving one loses the one other person in the world who understood what it was like to have Bruce as a father before trauma flayed the skin from Bruce's bones.

[frodo-a-gogo]

Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms

[uncanny-tranny]

Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[straightlightyagami]

feeling again like im just stupid i am too stupid to be a mathematician

[misteria247]

The way Stanley??? Always looks out for his family??? Even when they've been mean to him???? Is honestly really admirable????

Like not everyone would look out for their sibling after they've cut them out of their life. Not everyone would try to be better for their niece and nephew because they wanted to leave originally. Not everyone would take a lonely boy under their wing and become essentially their parental figure. Not everyone would still try to make amends when their sibling is hellbent on holding onto a grudge nor willing to sacrifice themselves to protect their loved ones.

Stanley Pines is like the most selfless dude when it really comes down to it. He's a good man despite his fuck ups and it makes me adore him as both a character and a person. Wish we had more people like Stan out there in the world.

[ai-demi]

I believe it was a divine intervention who wrote Will Solace on the narrative because how the fuck is he so interesting with so little screentime in the original series? This child who lost siblings and couldn’t even mourn them because he was dragged left and right to help, this child who became a talented and great healer at the ripe age of 12 and became a prodigy at 13, this child who kept absorbing pain and pushing down anger, this child who faced his trauma with a Trademarked Solace Smile and makes everyone feel safe besides himself, this child who had to be a dependable pillar, this child who saw death for so many times and had to accept it, this child, this child, this child whom everyone turns to at all times, this child who’s still only 16 and hasn’t properly been himself much because he has a duty that he loves and must uphold—helping and healing, something he deemed he could only do for others because he believed couldn’t do anything else. This child who got so scared when his best friend went missing, when his remaining siblings went missing, when he thought his father didn’t recognize him. This child who swallows his sadness. This child who was afraid of not being enough, who was afraid that people might leave him if he wasn’t—this child was afraid of people leaving him, because his own Dad did, his relationship with his Mom was not told much, the older siblings he loved left him by death, and he was nervous if Nico will leave him too. This child who feared losing the love of his life so he turned to his anger, his rage, his wrath—all pent up and went loose for a few minutes at Night herself and gave her a fucking hay fever. This child who had his own identity, who had and still has endless possibilities regarding who he is, his powers, and feelings yet reduced to just being a silly, goofy, perfect boyfriend healer of Nico di Angelo who never had a bad day and is stable—and some people loathe him for being “Nico’s Boyfriend” as if it’s his fault. This child is William Andrew Solace and I believe none of us has truly met him fully.

[let-roman-bite-someone]

“janus is so out of character, he’s not supposed to act like that!”

but it’s totally normal and in character for the literal personification of logic to dramatically break into a musical theatre song and serenade a jar of fruit preserve?