#i understand if u have criticisms but these make no sense lol

[naniskys]

Wait? Skynani has haters? Why?? What for? They're not even doing anything remotely fanservice-y. So what are they hating on exactly? I just can't wrap my head around it lol

lol yeah i don't even know 😭😭 i guess there's just bound to be haters no matter what now that they've gotten more popular 🤷

[orcelito]

Got my score back for my presentation, & it was About what I was expecting. I knew the weak point of the presentation was how dense it was + how much I had to cover, and as a result I did end up largely reading off of the slides. Tried to insert some extra information about the stuff, but didn't have much in the way of discussion built into my slides. So like... I can accept that criticism lol (even if it does sting a lil 😭)

Overall tho I got an average score of 8.6, professor score of 8... I'm not sure actually what will count for my grade. Is he including his score in the average at the top??? Also 8.6 is also not right. When I calculated my score from the tallied numbers, I got 8.31 for class average, 8.29 if I include the professor's rating in there as just one. For some reason, what he wrote is higher than either?? I certainly won't complain about a higher score, though I'm confused lol

But yeah people in general praised my research and preparation. Also video choice. Yay!

I will now try to focus on the good points and not worry so much about the bad. Regardless of any of it, 8.6 or 8 (out of max 9) is generally Pretty Good. Might as my professor for clarification on the grades when I next see him.

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[solasfenheral]

some bemused vg bitching below the cut

i am. very bemused by the way this game seems to pull its punches at certain moments. like its afraid to really step on your toes and get in your face thematically. which is a deeply strange experience considering i've never ever felt this way about a dragon age game before???

to be honest. I half wonder if it is a product of this game being a sequel that came out so long after it's previous title and right off the heels of two games that received cold to lukewarm reception critically and within the community. I know there would've been extreme pressure internally for this game to be a critical and commercial success and you see that in how polished it is, how there have been huge technological improvements in things like hair which bioware has always gotten some flack for. and I can't help but feel that history contributed to how. cautious of me this game feels at times.

but its just. strange. it feels so strange to get something like the push up scene at the end of taash's personal quest chain. like what are you doing, with this lukewarm defense of trans identity. have some BITE about it man, I know you care about this! it's like the game doesn't want to commit to locking you out of companion content because they wouldn't tolerate transphobia but also doesn't want to accept it, so you end up with this bizarre kind of. half ass defense of transness without really standing its ground about it.

and one hand I get it because I don't want taash's storyline to be about defending themselves from player transphobia when they're already struggling with coming to terms w their identity throughout the game, but this scene man. its so damn strange.

and like. the way this game handles religion is so damn bizarre to me! which is a critique I've again, never felt for a da game! it feels SO strange for bellara to be like. lol yeah the gods being evil actually makes it EASIER for me to let them go like ffdsjkfhjks what....? epler I am in your HOUSE, this is not how faith worksssss

in trying, it feels like, to avoid steeping on toes about what the revelation of the gods would MEAN to the elves, vg just. really fails to grapple with the importance of faith in people's lives and the pain of what losing that or it being challenged means.

i wouldn't even be as annoyed if like. at least ONE of our dalish companions had complicated feelings about their faith and it was something they could discuss between them! it would be really interesting to contrast davrin's pragmatism, his preoccupation MORE with the lived reality elves might suffer with this knowledge come to light under the current systems of oppression, his understanding of the dalish mythology as important to his culture and his sense of SELF w/o ever having really believed in them personally, with someone like bellara who DID believe and is working through an arc about grief and trying to find a new understanding of what dalish culture looks like now with such a key tenant being challenged!

how do you understand death and what comes beyond death when such a central pillar of your life has been challenged! oh my GOD the depth the funeral scene gains when u have this subtext.

there's not a single banter on how harding reconciles her understanding of the Titans to her belief in the maker!

its just. CRAZY to me that this game seems to be trying to dodge the religious and political bite of its own story fsdhfjkds aaaaaaaa

man this isn't even touching how bizarrely fast rook's regret prison does its switcheroo and goes from neve/bellara's blaming rook for losing them to rook going don't worry your death wasn't my fault to davrin/lace like my GOD lemme stew in the survivor's guilt man ur not even giving me an understanding of why rook can process this!! lace or davrin literally died like! 10 minutes ago to their understanding!!!

[hoodreader]

tw sexual abuse & diddy

diddy getting outed & raided with the tuesday eclipse on his north node… with his tattoo of ezili dantor on his back. the loa of tuesdays and the protector of women & children. & he’s an avid sexual abuser of women & children.

the back is associated with leo/libra. leo is children, libra/venus is justice. and the back/unseen part of things is ruled by saturn, which is the planet of karmic distribution. tattoos are martian, the planet of protection.

it’s divine timing. bc what the hell was that man thinking. i applaud whatever diviner encouraged his ass to get EZILI DANTOR of ALL loa permanently etched into his skin, because his abuses of children & women will follow him forever.

he’s currently in his seventh house year, the seventh house year is a year dealing with others, fairness, & balance. imo, it’s a karmic house since the seventh is a reflection of the self. what u put out is reflected back to u. he’s also about to enter his eighth house year, the house of inactivity, psychological illness, debts (including karmic).

his mars is also in capricorn at the 29°, which is a universally critical degree. it can show domineering, thoughtlessness, lack of control, impulsiveness, etc.

there’s no confirmation on his ascendant, but i’ve seen people suggest cancer ascendant (with a virgo moon & scorpio sun). that would mean that:

but i could totally see a 10h lord in the 7h, because it shows status is tied to relationships / justice / fairness

i also see charts floating around suggesting that he’s a capricorn ascendant, which i also think makes sense because of:

a first house mars

a 10H in libra shows that the public image is tied to fairness, grace, harmony, & relationships especially to women

my partner was like “maybe a sag rising,” mind u… my partner not an astrologer but they are super intuitive with that 3h scorpio moon so i considered it & lowkey…

pisces eclipse illuminating the 4th would mean that all of the illusions revolving around his private life are dug up. the 4h is the subterranean, it’s the least visible house imo

2h mars in capricorn @ the anaretic degree can show a thirst for power, but the 2h is the gate of hades. it leads to demise (the 8h)

8h lord would be in the 10h, which would show this hidden misdeeds becoming publicized preceding the eclipse in his 4h, since the natal 4h lord would be the eclipsing pisces moon. hope that made sense lol

i often see pisces rising speculation. which, i also could understand because:

this recent full moon lunar eclipse conj his north node illuminated & essentially “exposed” his heart/spirit/soul. it also exposed the qualities of the greedy, obsessive, manipulative north node

& this isn’t to say all nodal people are this way. but when u don’t know how to moderate the greedy & obsessive nature of the north node, its malefic qualities will overtake the self

pisces ascendants tend to not really be ‘seen’, especially with the lord in the unseen 8H. but again the eclipse illuminated this & just how corrupted his moral compass is

the other end of the eclipse would be in his 7H, the house of justice, which would have his moon conj the transit sun

lastly i can see aries rising because the eclipse in the twelfth exposes the consequences and results of self-undoing. it’s also the house of prisons.

anyway. just my theories. i stand in solidarity with all abuse victims of the world, & it feels good to see them get justice because a win for one is a win for all. Asè

here are some aid resources for marginalized abuse victims, please consider donating or reblogging!

Black Trans Femme SA/Abuse Victim. this gfm hasn’t moved in 5 months!

Black Childhood SA Victim. this gfm has been up since april & hasn’t gotten a single donation!

Aid for Haiti.

Aid for First Nations/American Indigenous People (Salt Lake).

Aid for Gaza. every day, isntrealis abuse Gazans (in a lot of ways, not just sexually). please consider helping them thru providing healthcare & aid

Aid for Sudan. refugees often experience higher rates of trafficking, rape, & violence. please consider donating!

Aid for DR Congolese Women/Children. consider giving aid to women/childre who are being forced into slavery & the exploitative sex trade.

Aid for Sex Workers. thru whorephobia, misogyny, & other forms of marginalization, the violence towards sex workers is enabled due to the “less dead” theory.

Support for SA/Rape/Trafficking Victims.

Consider donating to abortion funds such as AidAccess, INeedAnA, etc so that people (including rape victims) have autonomy over their reproduction.

avoid red cross. u can always scroll thru gfm & just search up keywords then just go through and donate $5+ to each one until u can’t no more. that way, u directly provide aid.

also, help the people within ur physical community. if u know any black, native, palestinian, trans, disabled etc women, be the community they are so often denied.

power 2 da people :)

[girldriveroscar]

"not that i even Go Here but u Kinda have to consider in the landolore of it all how he imprinted on Carlos and Danny in those late stage pubescent gay chicken trials.. like they made him feel small and Cute. GIRL AND NEITHER WERE EVEN THAT BIG but the energy of " you're the small one, you're the runt of the pack who we pick on" actually altered the chemistry in lando's brain."-- i think lando just has a bit of a competence kink and likes being the inexperienced one lol i think that's why when oscar won the sprint in 2023 he was the one who kept mentioning it, sure it hurt because his rookie teammate wasn't supposed to win anything before him, but i bet he was obsessed with the fact that oscar is good enough that he had the experience of winning in f1 before him. i also think this is part of the reason why he likes verstappen and is very genuine with his praise for the drivers 😃 i also think he likes that oscar is smarter than him 😶

THIS IS AN INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE! honestly I could totally understand this from the POV that his praise for others competence developed as a weird form of self assurance. like if max is so good,,,, and im against max then no matter the doubts in my head, the concrete fact remains that I'm performing at a high level and I deserve to be here. I think there's also an element of that comfort that's self sabotaging however, as rewarding himself the comfort of "good but not good enough" gives him this third space to relax from the outside pressure. similar to like... staying in a depressed spiral because its familiar and comfortable- even if it is miserable and you know its bad for you. its like accepting second place because answering the question of am I even capable of more? and finding that no, im not. would be soul crushing. now that's kinda dramatic I fully get that, and im not saying I don't think landos determined/confident I just personally see a pattern in his self criticism when he does start hammering on about other peoples skill or his lack thereof. when he starts getting all self hating/pitying its.... pretty obvious he's there for a minute before recouping. (ie. his post race side we saw on max's stream, his lack of selfies (whole other tangent on how his selfies are contingent on his race wins) and me too yk and me too. im not trying to like shame him LMAO I don't think he's weak, I think that's just like the objective truth that we saw last season and the reality of his ability to cope.

I think where that comfort gets flipped on its head is in comparison to Oscar. or if not specifically with Oscar, then with his teammate (or at the suggestion of a peer outperforming him under the same conditions). Does that Make sense? specifically it makes me think of lewis commenting, oh your car is fast, and him snapping back well you had a fast car once too. its the insinuation that when held to the same standard as another person, if his performance regardless of circumstance is not the extra 1% that keeps him ahead, then his self assurance crumbles and he suddenly needs to deflect/defend/get moody.

which leads into why I think it reaaaally ticks him off when Oscar performs better than him. he's not desperate with max and yet he planned to do it since Brazil with Oscar. say all you want about not caring abt sprint races but holding onto one swap to come back and make a point that you're emotionally and skillfully on par with your younger teammate... sure says something...

there enough plausible deniability for max to perform better regardless of personal skill. he's on a diff team, his environment is diff there's no certainty that its on performance alone that max wins, the sliver of separation there is what keeps him capable of praising max, esp when media rains down on him bc internally he's self justified to say yes max is good (but we aren't running in the same race). a compliment to max does not carry the weight of degradation to himself. but with Oscar.... with Oscar... the conditions are the same. and every gap stings extra because Oscar is younger and less experienced. annnnd as I said I think landos a bit toxic and he likes to press on his bruises for fun hence why he brings it up repeatedly- reopening the wound in a way that brings him immense guilty pleasure.

me pathologizing lando Norris's made up kinks right... right. tldr I think his prefrontal cortex brain hates Oscar doing well but his lizard brain enjoys it: performance wise Oscar puts him in his place (which people struggled to do all his life for rsn outside of his stature) its like Oscar saying. yes im better and not because im bigger its because im more talented than you. n that strokes the degrading part of him that wants to be belittled for something nobody else can take away from him. like for a guy who was Raised on the precedent of "small but mighty" yea anyone could call him small, but not everyone can make him actually feel small. when Oscar places above him, he feels small, and the submissive worm in his brain that enjoys squirming in self pity and pain lights up and rolls around.

[akitossohma]

heyy i love love love your post about lg’s morals you truly read the tea leaves with that one!!! i do disagree with what you said about lg being amoral tho i feel amoral suggests he isn’t aware of morals but he definitely is, and u did point that out in your post! no hate at all btw

hi!! thank you for your kind words :3. i believe you are referring to this post

this got very long and accidentally turned into a whole meta on lu guang and vein lmaoo. answer under the cut:

yeah honestly in retrospect i do feel that my use of the word "amoral" was a bit clumsy lol. this post is nearly a year old so it's hard to recall specifics but i think at the time i failed to consider the full definition of the word, which is not only a disregard for morals but also a lack of moral sense to begin with. and like you said, my own posts contradict that, as lg is shown to be well aware of the moral code. i also was trying to use it as like, a middle ground i guess? between moral and immoral. like my "at best" addition was me trying to be generous, but upon reflection that's sort of a false dichotomy.

for some context, the post you are referencing got posted to twitter (something i didn't know until ppl told me) and was lowkey a hit tweet (a bit scary ngl), and while most people agreed, a small handful Did Not Like it haha

interestingly, a couple of the tweets disagreeing did focus heavily on both the "amoral" thing and me saying lg wasn't a morally grey anti hero. bc i don't want to debate on twitter, i'm gonna take advantage of this ask to explain myself further hehe

DISCLAIMER: what follows is my current perspective and analysis based on available information. i understand everything i have said already and will continue to say going forward could be proven wrong in future seasons.

the main criticism i saw (again this was only like, three people, but still) was that i "disagreed with him being a morally grey anti hero but then proceeded to describe just that". i do understand why this was some people's take away bc the terms "morally grey" and "antihero" have kind of been blurred over the years. since i am by no means the final word on how these terms are to be used, all i can do is provide my understanding of the terms:

morally grey = a character whose actions are morally ambiguous

antihero = a character whose actions/traits are often questionable, but who, at the end of the day, can still be classified as a hero rather than a villain

based on my understanding of the terms (which does seem to coincide with formal definitions), lu guang would not be morally grey as i feel his actions are explicitly immoral (immoral = when the character's actions are definitively wrong and violate a pre-established moral code - i touch on this more in this post) and he would not be an antihero as i feel he cannot be classified as heroic in the grand scheme of things. yes he is complex, yes he is sympathetic, yes he has a capacity for kindness/selflessness and is largely motivated by love, but none of those things make him an antihero. if that were the case, any well written villain would be a antihero haha.

there's a whole other added layer of complexity here because lg is a) not the antagonist and b) not the story villain. for the sake of this argument, the "story villain" is defined as the individual who is the villain only in framing, whereas the "real villain" is defined as the individual who is unequivocally in the wrong by real-world moral standards. the same differentiator can be applied to heroes. so when i say lg cannot be considered heroic, that is what i am referring to. furthermore, vein and liu xiao, who appear to be working together, are currently both the antagonists and the story villains, but that is mostly due to us being anchored in lg's perspective. we don't know much about their motives/goals other than a) they want to maintain the timeline ("make the uncertain, certain") and b) they want csx dead. we of course root against them because csx is the hero & protagonist of our story, and bc they have proven to have very questionable morals themselves. however, based on the information currently available, i’d argue that it's possible to interpret them as very morally grey antiheroes in the grand scheme of things. we already know that they are working against lg because lg has disrupted the timeline and compromised the "certainty" liu xiao mentions. they will (most likely) always be the antagonists, but it would not take much reframing for them to no longer be strictly villains, if that makes any sense. ProWritingAid puts this distinction very succinctly: "A story's villain is always an antagonist, but not every antagonist needs to be a villain." imo the only "hero" this story has is csx, and i have a feeling he will remain that way, though like all things i've said, this could change.

and that leads me to my final point. i am well aware that the show initially frames lg as a hero and hasn’t fully positioned him as a villain yet. however, in my opinion, the ending of bridon arc marked a shift in how he is being framed within the narrative. i want to make it clear my posts have been less about the show's current framing and more about analyzing the ethics of lu guang's actions through an objective, real-world lens. and playing around with some reframing hypotheticals of course. this is something that unfortunately got lost along the way.

anyways, i don't mind it if people disagree or have additional perspectives, but some of the critiques felt like they were missing the point in one way or another. and some of them were straight up rude. sorry for this whole essay, i hope you don't mind!

[chocotonez]

skz w/ a female ninth member (that’s u. :>)

a/n: I’m so sorry you’ve waited for so long lovie, also sorry there’s like no angst in here because we’re here for platonic fun times

cw/genre: fluff, headcanon format, swearing, very brief mentions of criticism towards reader, vague mentions of intimacy (conversations about consent and boundaries), lmk if anything else should be tagged!

-OKAY WHOOHOO

-first of all I can definitely see them both admiring you and coddling you

-they also love teaching you new things but learning from you too

-like being more exposed to feminine aspects of life if that makes sense? obviously they know self care better than most due to their skincare and hygiene regiments but you make it more interesting teehee

-Chan asks u to help him paint his nails and Han adores when you doodle on his face with makeup/eyeliner/lipsticks

-they also try to learn how to be better from you, being a better person and yknow…be a better man (obvs they know their manners but they go from 10/10 gentlemen to 11/10 gentlemen)

-out of habit seungmin always looks over to you during fan signs when a male fan appears

-same with Chan who triple checks your name on Twitter so he can blacklist anyone being weird, you’re like stray kids’ baby and mother hen at the same time

-always calls ppl out on their bullshit if they treat you differently for being girl, whether it be backhanded comments or straight up underestimating you

-you get a room to yourself and if you guys are hanging out and cuddling they’ll always ask, “hey is this ok?? you okay?”

-hyunjin is very emotionally in tune with you just because that’s how he is, so obvs he understands being scared of living w eight other men so they do their best to make u feel welcome and comfortable :)

-when a member grows out their hair for a comeback you like to braid or decorate it while watching TV

-you always end up teasing members if they get into any sort of relationship scandals or dating scandals LOL

-“so…felix, what are your feelings on *idol name*?” and he’s just blushing at the dining table hehehe

-but they also try their best to be there for you, if you have any feelings for another male idol they’ll give you the 411 on the situation hehe

-backstage seungmin just giving aggressive eye contact at the person of your affections

-“no trust me y/n they’ll receive the request for their number telepathically” “you’re going to get security called on us”

-they consider you family at this point they love you sm

-and they always want you to know that they have your back too like??

-they’ll hype up your fancams and always get rid of your nerves or anxieties

-gossiping with lee know at two in the morning when you both can’t sleep

-watching hyunjin paint and him sketching you in the corner of the canvas

-you’ve just become which an integral part of the family they couldn’t imagine life without you

-you’re not just the “female member” of stray kids, you’re just a member or stray kids :)

-hopefully that makes sense

[beheworthy]

Whoa whoa I think I missed some stuff, is it okay to hate TW and how he ruined Thor now? I've been bitter about his treatment of the mcu and his attitude for years but never expected to see any mainstream agreement, what did I miss! (If u don't mind me asking, you seem to have better kept up with marvel stuff than I've been able to lol)

haha it's become mainstream to hate on waititi now, friend. we will not be publicly executed the way we'd have been back in 2017 when thor3 released.

i'm not sure how this came about tho. thor4 released and everyone suddenly decided that they will hate on it FOR THE SAME THINGS THEY LOVED THOR3. i don't understand this. make it make sense. the one reason people give for this is - the humor was balanced in thor3 but not in thro4. it is NOT TRUE AT ALL and these people should get some critical thinking instead of regurgitating sexist youtubers.

also, his attitude during thor4 was also picked upon by people to be unacceptable - calling thor's gf useless and boring, saying he set out to make a film that fans would hate and daring them to hate on it, saying he wanted to put cancer jokes in the film, and crapping on the vfx artists who worked to death on his trash film.

anyway, the general consensus of thor4 was that people surely want to see thor again but not at waititi at the helm at any cost. so, marvel kicked him out. fans rejoiced. moreover, marvel specifically wants the next film to be as far away from his 2 films as possible. fans rejoiced even more at this.

waititi had stated his ideas for the future of thor's story during thor4, implying he'll be stuck to thor forever. but then he also said that he'll only come back if chris does, implying that marvel will have to beg him to give his genius to them again and also take care of this side actor mr. hemsworth.

all this came back to bite him when he was unceremoniously discarded. since then, he has went in an overdrive trying to have the last word at any cost. first, saying he knew he won't be invited back and he doesn't care because he has so many films in his kitty anyway. second, backtracking and saying he said no to marvel actually. and third, saying he only made thor3 for money, taking a dig at superhero films in the process and saying he's above them.

this act in particular has incited fans the most. even people who didn't hate on him have now started calling out his sore loser act. this is why you're seeing a serious uptick of people hating on him and his beloved thor3. :)

[fictionfolk-safehaven]

CW: abuse, SA from a young age, depression, incest, intrusive thoughts. Long post, a bit of a doozy lol

Hi! we think this blog is rlly cool and it actually helped us a lot. like really thanks. We in general have a lot of intrustive thoughts but particularly ones about incest/minors hit us the worst, basically cuz our brain is just reminding us of trauma that actually happened to us. And it causes a lot of shame and self-hate, and even guilt. My name is Kaoru Hitachiin, from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Both my brother and I are in the system. In our source we are literally the "brotherly love duo" and in our system we are in a relationship. To give context.

We've existed since middle school, dormant I guess but showed up recently thanks to us seeing these posts and trying to understand people's perspectives better, because everyone deserves to feel understood. This caused us to reframe how we view incest on a more compassionate level. Like y'know it's not good, I'd perfer if people didn't have to go through whatever it was that made their brain develop that way but it's also not their fault. System wise, my brother and I would not have been able to exist prior to this understanding. Like, we literally would've crumbled with the inner shame and maybe even outside critic of other systems members, no matter how nice they all are. I know in their heart they'd be freaking out about it, and it'd make our intrusive thoughts worse.

It's not like it was easy for us either, Particularly Hikaru.

We got exomemories that aren't even from source. Memories of our uncle, SA, from 5 years old to Middle school. Often together. Everyone in the family knew, no one cared.

We thought we didn't need anyone else, no one else was to be trusted. He took care of me, I took care of him. We survived because each other. This was hard for me, I developed feelings for him since childhood, he only realized his feelings until a little bit after haruhi showed up in the show. and in real life this was something he knew but we had to work through immediately first day of hosting because of the stress is was giving us. Our "Brotherly love act" was supposed to just be that, and act. We thought it was funny and entertaining to make the girls swoon, we are performers after all. All the while my souls constantly being crushed like a garbage disposal, but I'm used to that by now, years and years of practice. And they made us like that in the show, so you really can't blame me for feeling these feelings , right?

Anyways, things are better now. We are happy, we've accepted that our happiness doesn't need to make sense for others, and that it's more valuable for us to do that than to desire for acceptance. Thanks guys for providing a space like this. Don't know if we would've showed up for a very long time without it.

I wrote a poem earlier, about this, and wanted to share in case anyone else resonated with it, as this is (my) first poem and I like it! It felt good to make, if ur reading this u should make a poem soon (that includes u, person scrolling) if u want

Old Memories Melt- Kaoru Hitachiin

But that was the past, and this is the now

In your arms I crave and your passions endowed

Your heart beats quicker than the rabbit I found

Dove into a rabbit hole so deep and profound

I've been falling since a child

Drank the potion and now it's time for cake

Growing up is hard

When they've wrecked up your mental state

Pillaged our safest space

That is, Each Other

Thoughts began to spiral in fear of being outnumbered

Or of you, finding another

Leaving me Alone In the wreckage of the past without a word of Our present

Each smile and wink you give *Is* a Present

Wrapped in barbed wire- but I must open

Pandora's box

I must feel these feelings

Although it's Paradox

To love your brother

Ties the deepest knot

In my gut and my heart

So tell me it's wrong

Go ahead! If it weren't for him-

I'd be dead..

-🌛💐🌀

We're a bit exhausted this week (/lighthearted) so I can't put it into words as well as I'd like, but tbh I'm not sure if I'd be able to anyway. I genuinely can't express how much it means to us that this blog helped anyone to the point of like... headmates leaving dormancy because they're allowed to exist safely???? that's just. Genuinely unfathomable to me. I'm so glad that there's less shame within your system, and we're so honored to have played any part in that from our little corner of the internet.

We also have intrusive thoughts, and know from experience that trying to shame yourselves less for those thoughts and such can be so difficult. So points to you all for handling that.

-Archivist Phil

[wendytestabrat]

another obvious reason why kyle rips on cartman for being fat all the time

ok so like the past couple days i've been trying to read more and learn more about judaism (bc i'm a nerd). even tho i'm an ashkenazi jew i've never known that much about judaism the religion outside of being jewish by race/ethnicity FHDJSJSK. and yes for the ignorant people out there who don't know there's a HUGE difference between between practicing judaism and just being jewish bc yeah i hate it when people assume bc of my jewish background that i'm super religious like bitch i was raised by ATHEISTS. even my gma the holocaust survivor didn't believe in god which goes to show the holocaust was abt targeting jews as a race not a religion but i don't need to get into all of that rn. ok let's move on to shitting on kyle, the part ya'll RLLY care about. so i think a BIG reason why kyle shits on cartman for being fat sm is bc HE HAS TO EAT KOSHER DUH (which was confirmed in the episode "ginger kids" when kyle said his mom packed him a kosher lunch) which i can't believe i never realized before lol. some other things i've theorized on in the past is how kyle is just taking out his anger abt his fat obnoxious mom onto cartman for being fat and obnoxious. bc yeah obviously kyle can't backsass his mom but he can backsass cartman all he wants bc he's an easier target LOL. i've also theorized that kyle has an eating disorder so he's just projecting all of his negative views about his body and food onto cartman. but the problem may not be abt kyle not wanting to eat.....it could be the complete opposite in that he WISHES he can eat whatever he wants. and after looking into what exactly kosher is....yeah it's understandable why kyle is so miserable LOL. i'm not trying to shit on you if you're jewish and you eat kosher like i'm all about trying different diets i think that's rlly cool, but it's understandable that it would be hard for a kid to do that bc kids loveeee eating junk food and whatever they want all the time. and it's ESPECIALLY hard for a jewish kid if he/she is the only one eating like that while all of his/her peers get to eat whatever. but yeah if u rlly look into the nitty gritty of it, kosher eating jews are NOT ALLOWED TO EAT PORK. so this means kyle has prob never been allowed to eat shit like bacon or hot dogs in his entire life TSHDHSKS. they're also not allowed to have any other meats UNLESS it was prepared and butchered a certain way. so i can imagine kyle wouldn't be allowed to eat a lot of the foods with meat they serve at school. AND ALSO they're not allowed to eat milk and meat together at the same time and this goes for anything with milk in it such as butter or cheese which means kyle isn't even allowed to eat cheeseburgers LOL. so in kosher u would either have to eat a meal that is mostly just milk/dairy products or one that's mostly meat. so yeah when you put all of that into context it makes A LOT of sense why kyle gets so grumpy over cartman being fat and why he's soooooo critical over his eating choices. he's prob just jealous that cartman gets to enjoy food and eat whatever the fuck he wants all the time and he doesn't.

[prettyboykatsuki]

may i pick ur brain wrt something? you write such a large variety of characters and i think you have great skill in following through with a character's characterization (lol) to their sexual life. i was wondering what do you choose to focus on or how you approach figuring out a character's sexual style (?) when you write? im pretty new to writing smut (i write in general but i usually just fade to black) and im having trouble translating a character's neurosis into sexual acts, particularly when you move beyond the vanilla missionary etc sex (which im not particularly interested in writing even tho i think it can be emotionally poignant in its own right).

what i have most trouble with is like figuring out if a certain act fits character a or character b in my ensemble, say, and then moving through with that. i've been trying to approach it like fighting styles bc of the character's physicality, but there are certain temperamental and moral tensions informing fighting in particular (as a deliverance of violence, i mean) that make it hard for me to pinpoint how to translate that to sex without it feeling shoehorned. for example (and this is just for reference), i have a character who's like a gunslinger and whose style is very explosive and wild and a little bit cocky, but when u look at it under the microscope, his approach is polished and precise and meticulous. and THEN his internality is of a young man with a lot of anger and stunted growth, who really just wants acceptance and affection deep down, and who is so very tired. now i can translate each of those things and its combinations a hundred thousand ways, but which is correct? or faithful to him? at one point it all seems unfathomable to me. and then bc i can't make up my mind i fear everything i write ends up being too plain, or ill-fitting, and because my cast is large, it also all ends up feeling too same-y. has this ever been an issue for you?

first of all - i want to say thank you for entrusting and believing in my writing abilities enough to want to pick my brain about this. i'm not entirely sure what the appeal of my writing is to other people (not in a negative way but more in that its my own stuff so im always critical of it) but i put forth a lot of thought in characterization and translating that into sex as i am primarily a smut writer so while im not the most confident u should come to me for advice, im deeply flattered and will do my best anyway

i'll be real though, the best advice is genuinely just not to overthink it and go with your gut. have some faith in your own writing voice and ideas etc. but anyway

there are a lot of layers to this question and i'll do my best to go through it bit-by-bit. and i don't know if this will really help you since it might come off vague

if i can offer you any advice on characterizing well in a smut scene, it's to not view the smut as a separate entity to your work but as an integral part of it's infrastructure. do not treat the smut scene as part of the work, but as a pillar of it.

the other thing is understanding what is personally compelling to u or arousing about this characters storyline or personality. and not arousing as in physical lust, but what concepts tickle you and make you want to write.

the truth is there's no objectively correct way to characterize a character especially if they're nuanced and complex. which is why all writing is subjective in a sense.

ultimately, it's your job as the author to choose what characterization you like best and convince the audience it's the correct one.

for example, the character you're describing is multifaceted. there are several ways you can take the direction of the story

their outward persona is being a cocky gunslinger who is inwardly polished, meticulous, sensitive and tired. all of these traits can be expanded upon into sexual acts based on your will as the writer - so you have to ask yourself, what aspect of this character is the most arousing to you as a writer or what is this sex scene intending to display about a character. what trait of theirs are you hoping to highlight through sex?

to translate these things into sex gets really tricky and is honestly something you have to experiment with until you feel it click.

for me - if i were attempting to write this character, the breakdown process would look something like this.

this character has a personality gap of being a cocky gunslinger but is actually polished and meticulous

this means they they are likely concerned with appearances.

something in their past must've brought them to that conclusion. if they are continuing to outwardly project themselves as a reckless gunslinger - it is is likely not their "true" self.

what would make a character with this many defense show their true selves, or what other characters cause this character to demonstrate to their true selves?

the translation process of eroticism can go in a hundred different languages. if i personally were writing this character, i might pair them with an older mentor type of character, or a nonchalant rival. i might put them in a situation that requires a different kind of vulnerability and forces them to expose some of their nature for the sake of their ideals

as an author, im aroused by the idea of them showing their submission and affectionate side. trying to subconsciously appeal to authority figures might be interesting if i'm trying to demonstrate their lack of validation. the opposite can also be true, that a character like this might resent mentor / authority figures that impede their own ideas and trying to highlight their anger. writing this gunslinger lashing out at a fellow gunslinger they respect can easily be turned into erotica.

you could pair this character with a nonchalant rival type. a direct opposite that challenges a characters morals ideological belief or perhaps - understands them through their differences. this rival character pays enough attention to the gunslinger to know that they are polished and special. while they are rivals, there's something legitmate in their dynamic to this sensitive, tired character who puts up a facade and wants to be understood.

your own arousal as an author comes in here and where you have to make choices.

lets say then, i go with the latter. i would then structure the story or chapter around this idea through by demonstrating the push and pull of their relationship. i would subvert this characters personality through the framework of submission and a desire for acceptance. i'd write the erotica about the slow crescendo to sex with their rival who seems to accept them fully. i'd write about their different meetings, choosing small things to represent larger themes. maybe their rival praises their technique or offers them a listening ear. i use those small moments to build up to the intimacy and weave the erotic stuff into the story itself so when the sex comes it feels gratifying and releases tension (lol)

for the actual sex stuff you just have to go with your gut and distinguish things based on what traits you're showing. maybe this characters need for affection and rest makes them a whiny bottom. as a writer, i'd monopolize that. i'd point out their eagerness to please through desperation like kissing or nuzzle, and i'd have their words contradict their actions to display their personality gap etc

for me being structured around erotica means going through that kind of mental process and and building a story framework from the ground up and aiming for a proper sex scene. the erotica process is weaved into the plot mechanisms, the metaphors, the stories ideology. the smut is the point, and every action is central to emphasizing what is going to end up happening. my better examples of this lately are probably uncle sukuna rip

ive been writing smut for long enough now that i do not struggle with it and it's easy for me to come up with a unique character voice and do all the above sort of automatically in my mind. and i know it can feel intimidating.

the best advice i can give you though again is don't overthink it which ik seems contradictory to all of the above advice. but sometimes you just have to let yourself go with the flow and believe in your own abilities. trust your gut and just shoot straight ahead.

i hope this was bale to help u some!!

[iamtheoutsideworld]

So errmmm apparently Neil is a Zionist which I'm being honest when I say this. I don't pay attention to actors or actresses or ppl that are part of development teams unless it's something I'm super fixated on. Like cyberpunk and cowboy bebop and naruto shit like that. So i didn't know that the Neil dude was a Zionist I didn't even know his name until a couple days ago cause ppl were talking about him saying something about Ai.

So I started reading on the comparison of tlou and Israel conflict and idk it kinda grosses me out that a story about revenge and change and identity , had something to do with "Israel vs Palestine" tbh . (Yes I'm gonna sound uneducated) but I didn't know shit about why Israel and Palestine were constantly going at it but it seems like Israel are just being blood thirsty bullies. (I really only started hearing about it just recently ) but yeah I'm ngl I'm kinda confused why was that the "inspiration"

I understand not Neil is the only person helping out when making the story but he was the back bone of it all. And idk I feel so weirded out lol. I didn't get a hint of Israel politics (prob cause I don't know shit about it ) but there's political stuff in everything and everywhere but yeah I'm so confused but then again he's a Zionist so ig it makes sense it's in his work. .. damn idk if I want part 3 anymore lol

So I just read the article I see the perspectives a lot. And I said this while I was playing thru the game but them explicitly letting the audience know Dina is Jewish was a choice. And most times when something explicitly says "this person is Jewish" idk it's usually for some weird reason. The article talks about "Jewish ppl surviving" and idk (dude bare with me it's 2am and I sped run thru the article I know I'm not writing a essay) some other stuff like they talk "oh this is an issue" but don't talk about a relative solution of the problems "the cycle of revenge" but why is revenge so powerful.

In the article Neil says something about "universal hate" and i genuinely don't think that exists I GENUINELY don't believe that. It takes zero effort to love and care for someone but to hate someone b/c "hate is universal" .. sounds a bit white supremest im ngl. B/c if someone justifies enslaving another person because of their skin color or b/c of their religion.. or being different in general .. u sound insane. So yes Tlou2 has Israel and Palestine propaganda. Ngl I hate those type of fans that just deny everything just b/c it's not explicitly said. There's a ton of evidence to back up the claims in the first place. AND AGAIN U CAN LIKE SOMETHING BUT ALSO GIVE CRITICISM ON SAID MEDIA . U DONT HAVE TO BLINDLY LIKE SOMETHING(but honestly most ppl wait for some random white dude to say the same fucking thing then somehow everyone starts agreeing lol) after finding that out tho it kinda makes my tummy feel icky inside. If Ellie and Abby were two white dudes I wonder if I'd have enjoyed the story as much lul

The article "not so hidden Israel politics of tlou2" from vice

I feel like I still have more to say about the game but this is it for now. And do not come at me sideways about this fucking game I will block u idc I hate annoying fanboys that dickride everything and hate different perspectives

[helianthus-tarot]

Hi there, do you have any tips on how to have a better 'sense of self'? Or better self image/feeling worthy? I'd like to be more at peace with myself if that makes sense lol. How do you come to terms with other' critique of you without letting it get under ur skin? (Could be how u deal personally or just general advice you have) Also my personal fave running man was ep 37 i think? It was when kwangsoo was doing a grieved dae han min guk and it makes me laugh everytime lol, or the dancing queen episode!!!

I got this ask from an anon on my second tumblr, and sent it here.

General

Know yourself. Your traits, what you think your flaws are, beliefs, behaviors, motivation. If you don't know what you believe in or what your values are, decide. Take a paper and write them down in a list.

Don't 'lie' to yourself, because if you do, and people catch on that and use it, it will hurt.

Example: Avoid telling yourself that you are pretty when you are aware that you don't fit the beauty standard and are insecure about it. This is not addressing the root problem of that self-image issue. You can understand that beauty is highly subjective but it will still be difficult to make yourself believe your own words when there's an entire system and a huge number of people out there adamantly telling you that you are not pretty. Tell yourself it's okay not to look like those people, that each part of you deserves to be loved anyway, that your body is a proof of your own history and ancestry and should be celebrated at least by you, stereotypically 'pretty' or not, desirable or not. And show this love to yourself in the form of actions, which brings us to the next point.

Self-love and acceptance.

Remember the list. Accept everything about yourself. Accept here means acknowledging it is what it is and make peace with it; your nose is big, you are not a fast learner, you think you are not worthy of love, and so on. Admit that you don't feel good about yourself, or that you have XYZ fears and insecurities.

And love yourself the way you love someone you love. Or better yet, imagine you are talking to the child version of you. That's who you are dealing with, that 6 years old child. Show compassion to traits that are harmless and let them be, stop picking them apart in your head. Have enough self-control not to sabotage yourself. Change traits that are harmful, like bad habits, fears, insecurities, but show compassion and understanding to these things first; understand why they happened, what events in your life contributed to them, accept that it's time to change, and lead your 6 year-old self with patience.

Good self-image isn't something that happens instantly and magically the moment you decide to love yourself more. Self-love is a series of actions. It's not just a feeling. So take actions. You need to keep doing it, especially when you are feeling bad.

Example: Let yourself wear that pretty dress that you know you want to wear, because you deserve good things and deserve to feel happy, whether or not you are stereotypically pretty, even if you feel like a troll trying to look pretty in the dress. This is a better way to fight; radical acceptance of yourself and determination to shower yourself with your own love regardless of what the world has to say.

Do not depend on other people to tell you who you are.

Who you are, what's good for you, what isn't good for you, what you should want, what you shouldn't want, etc. It makes you more vulnerable to their opinions. You have access to your mind and heart, other people don't. So trust your own judgement. The topic is you, you are the authority. Remember that list again.

I'm not telling you to be stubborn and think you know best in every situation. You can consider other people's perspectives, sometimes they are right and you are wrong. But always use critical thinking and assess whether or not their opinions should be considered. This teaches mental independence, mental independence will help you feel more secure with yourself and your decisions, which can make you less affected by other people's comments.

Plus people make arbitrary decisions all the time. A lot of things can affect people's decisions and judgment; their background, their preference, their bias, etc. You can't control those things. You won't be enough for everyone, not everyone will see your worth, not everyone will understand you. That is certain. The sooner you accept this reality, the sooner you stop judging yourself based on other people's opinions or based on how they act towards you, the better your life will be.

Look deeper into your insecurities.

See what needs you are missing. Fulfil those needs, don't wait for other people to do it for you because this will make you dependent on them and upset when they don't give it to you.

Example: If you feel like you don't deserve love from other people, first tell yourself you at least deserve love from yourself, and work from there. You may not be enough for other people, fine, they have the right to decide that, it's their life. But you also have the right to decide what is valuable and good enough in your life. Be enough for yourself. Act like it. Once you have gotten used to loving yourself, you will eventually allow yourself to accept love from others. You also need to look into why you feel like you don't deserve love from other people. Is it because of your looks? This means you base your worth on superficial things like looks. Dismantle the belief that supports this behavior and replace it with a belief that's better, like the above example for 'don't lie to yourself'.

How do you come to terms with others' critique of you without letting it get under your skin?

If their critique or insult is not true, not relevant, unimportant, highly subjective:

Some things just don't make sense to the point that it doesn't make me feel anything. Like someone calling me a stupid bitch.

If their critique or insult is factually true, but immature or it's about something that is out of my control:

Things I was born with/into, or things that happened to me. These things hurt, but they will hurt less if you know, accept and love yourself. Some days they don't hurt you, some days they do. Some days they hurt more, some days they hurt less. Some days you need to put more effort to wrap yourself in your own love, you may need to do it over and over and over, but some days you don't have to do much to move on. It's normal, just go through the process. The feelings will disappear eventually.

I usually ignore comments like this, but I'll search for something to hit them back with if I'm feeling particularly generous. There are two general types of shitty people, those who get emboldened by your reaction and those who back off when they become your target. Ignore the first group most of the time, unless they get particularly nasty and you can handle it if things escalate. The second group will only back off when they get hurt.

If their critique or insult is true, and it's within my control, e.g. my actions, choices, shortcomings that I can improve:

If I agree with what they say, I'll usually admit it.

Even if it's only to myself. For example, they called me dumb when I did something dumb. I mean, yeah they are right, touché. Sure, they could have been kinder, but it's true that I need to improve. It can feel shitty of course, mistakes don't taste like a five-course meal. Sometimes I let myself feel bad about it for a few days, but I eventually get over it and focus back on my life and what I can change/improve.

If what they say is factually true, but I also understand why I do what I do.

For example, they called me selfish and uncaring for hurting someone and I actually did hurt that person, so technically they were right. But I knew I had a valid reason for hurting that person, I would just take the insults. There's nothing else to do. It is what it is.

If I disagree with what they say.

This is usually related to different opinions and perspectives. It's when people arrogantly believe they are right AND they actively disturb other people's lives (or my life). Out of all things I think this one pisses me off the most lol. Especially when they act like they are superior yet I can see their psychological projection as clear as the fucking sun.

But then again there's no good solution to this besides coming back to yourself and your initial goal and what you know is true (the list). People can disagree all they want, most of the time they are not exactly tying your limbs to a pole and preventing you from doing what you want. You can argue with people until you are blue in the face, but some people still won't change their minds, especially if it gives them a position where they can look down on other people.

Keep in mind

You can't avoid pain. You can minimize the possibility of it happening, but when something hurts you, it hurts you. Feelings are things that happen, actions are things that can be controlled.

If people scream at you or humiliate you in front of other people, of course it will hurt. Being negatively affected by it does not mean you are weak or your self-esteem is fragile. It's human. What matters is whether or not you bounce back, and how fast you do it. Admit to yourself that it hurts you, that you don't deserve to be treated like that, limit contact with those people, and face the next day like you always do. Love yourself through what you experience.

Again, I know this is cliché but your best defense is your self-love and self-acceptance. If other people cannot love you, then you have to do it. Also, avoid shitty people and shitty environment as much as you can a.k.a don't spend more time than necessary in those places. No matter how strong a plant is, if you keep pouring toxic shit on it, it will wilt.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hello!! what are some sources you recommend for learning about astrology? your post about the july new moon resonated with me in a way that made me want to learn more, i've always been sceptical but at the same time want it to be true

Ues hello ^//^ its good to be skeptical especially about the things you consume online but i appreciate the open mindedness too ! My only pretense of getting into astrology is that makes me hesitant to direct people towards it is that 1) Astrology is founded in the universal law of Free Will and 2) Astrology should not be used to make judgements on other people. Due to "Pop Astrology" hitting the mainstream like a ton of bricks, there is a lot of misinformation out there / advice that is laced with malintent. Use it only to elevate your own self understanding but also know that any conclusion astrology helps you come to can also be acheived without astrology, astrology is just a tool that can help accelerate some of these self-realizations.

Like i dont even talk about my own chart anymore nor do i gaf about anyone elses signs LOL. if ppl want me to help them read their chart then i will but ultimately it tells ME nothing about them.

I would recommend first reading books by Jung as he is very scientific and meticulous in his work, and highly respected as such, the only present day astrologers im into are jungian astrologers. After that i would suggest books on Edgar Cayce who is a prolific psychic from the early 20th century who had 0 belief in astrology until his "awakening". His story is super interesting and his work has helped me a lot in my own journey into myself especially concerning dreams. Like the book "Edgar Cayce On Dreams" genuinely changed my life im not exaggerating. Jung and Cayce both bring a different perspective to it that create a well-rounded foundation imo

All in all just dont try getting into anything online until you have sufficient structure built in the basics lest ye be lost in the sea of delulu influencers preying on u with clickbait trying to make a quick buck off your insecurities~~~ Stay skeptical and critical but curious 🙏 and do it for You ! Thanks for the Q love i hope what im saying makes sense. Have a good weekend anon hit the used bookstores! ^_^ 🪷PMD9

[kindlespark]

hello, this is the anon who sent august that really long fhjy ask - thanks for your thoughts!! they helped me understand some of the season's strengths that weren't as apparent to my tastes - i think you're so right that the temple was a high point and i greatly sympathize with the sentiment of like, it all could've been so much more compelling if the bad kids had keyed into that more (which i think is also partly on brennan's presentation of info as GM, ofc - not saying it's anyone's responsibility alone). i'm still not sold on porter that much, but i can understand your perspective and i do appreciate some of his moments - i enjoyed him being a terrible teacher to gorgug because of the tension it created within the party (isn't this bad teaching? is it not? that self-doubt was really dramatically satisfying, especially in the twist payoff). i also think you're right that the finale truly muddies the waters of what the ratgrinders' thematic positioning was - as much sense as it makes that they're genderbent foils, it feels like each member gets less and less pointed - kipperlily and riz are the clearest parallel followed by kristen and buddy, but then like ruben and fig's interactions were essentially just bits, oisin and adaine basically boil down to differing access to generational wealth, and then gorgug/maryann and ivy/fabian are basically just like rage/apathy and ranged/melee. and i don't necessarily think fleshing this all out would've made the season good, but i think (and i want to say this came up in the podcast) it was overambitious/overcomplex to combine the ratgrinders' story with porter's - hence the very confused finale. on a more positive note, i actually totally agree that the downtime system was fun and thematic! the reason i cited that aspect as a negative is more because of the eventual execution, where a lot of the ratgrinder elements got sidelined and relegated to "we'll resolve that later" - as flavorful as it was, there were times when i felt like it didn't mesh with the beats brennan expected or it stymied the group's efforts to investigate things in favor of siloing them. this is a more meta criticism but another reason i don't quite gel with the porter story is because it's the reason brennan asked emily to play as fig this season even though she didn't want to, and while i trust that she genuinely chose to go along with him in that, it definitely felt like she (and brennan) struggled to find a new throughline/arc for fig (especially since the ruben thing went nowhere) and i don't feel like that sacrifice was worth what we got with regard to porter (and ruben, as her foil) - when i think of fig's storyline this season it just feels kind of empty/reactive. anyway, i hope it's clear i don't say this to argue with your opinions and i certainly don't begrudge anyone hoping for a satisfying narrative from d20 especially considering their past successes (i couldn't agree more that fhsy and tuc are some of their finest work in this regard - easily two of my favorite seasons alongside acofaf!). i'm still exploring my relationship to subtextual readings of actual plays - i love literary criticism so i appreciate many fan theories as emotional/philosophical exercises, but with TTRPGs i often have a harder time as compared to pre-written material given their more improvisatory/fluctuating nature. as such, the shooting schedule looms large here, and i mourn What Could've Been if the cast had gotten to rest and reflect between sessions right alongside you... ah well, there's always another season <3

hello!!! thank u for a really great ask!!! sorry it took me so long to get to it, i literally haven't been logged into tumblr on desktop since i saw it and typing up a good reply on mobile would've been impossible LOL

i pretty much agree with all your points here; especially the one with fig's arc this season. i think emily should've trusted her gut and retired her after her near perfect arc in fhsy, and that brennan shouldn't have had her in this season just for the porter reveal (which could've been a fun twist even with a new character, given that emily would've still had her suspicions). her arc this season is rly meandering and inconclusive which is such a shame. the problem is that i just REALLY love porter as a villain LOL. or rather, i love porter as a concept of the villain he could've been but that was never really treated seriously as such by the show. he represents so much of what i thought this season's themes would address--he's a symbol (as a teacher) of the unfair and fucked up school system and the power it holds over kids, as well as the concepts of rage and manipulation and radicalisation and revenge. that shit is super interesting to me (also as a teacher), and if all of this was engaged with it would've been incredible. alas!

but yeah me and august were talking abt ur ask like ur literally right and we wish we had ur foresight for the season tho LMAO. like perhaps my blinders were on because truly up until the last three episodes brennan was giving me everything, conceptually, that i wanted. i wanted trg to be sympathetic villains, and they were! i wanted kipperlilly and lucy to be best friends and have tragic yuri potential, and they did! i wanted jace to also be a victim of porter's, and he was! there was a moment before the last three episodes where i was convinced nothing could go wrong and this would be my favourite d20 season ever LMFAOOOOOO OH HOW THE PRIDE COMES BEFORE THE FALL

wrt literary criticism and d20, i totally get what you mean. i've been a real hater about this season but i'm usually pretty forgiving about the improvisatory and comedic aspects of d20 seasons believe it or not LMAO. m&m is one of my favourite d20 seasons of all time, i do not care that the ending flopped spectacularly bc of the tone, dice rolls and bad jokes. acoc is another one of my favourite seasons of all time, but the back half of it is super lacklustre in comparison to the first half, and i was completely zoned out of the rushed and anticlimactic final combat until calroy came in. these things did not taint my enjoyment of the show--it's always been forgivable and understandable to me because well, yeah, comes with the improv liveplay territory!! i love analysing the shows thematically and have my critique but ultimately understand there's things no one can predict or account for. i think fhjy's case in particular was just so egregious to me; the themes felt so much more obvious, the character hooks right there, the set-up so good, that i truly had never been so disappointed by a d20 finale helppppp

like i'm used to d20 seasons not having themes that are perfectly executed or followable; when i make my posts about wishing that fhjy was about the unfair school system, it's more like... wishing that anything could've happened that would've made it possible to come to my own conclusions on that theme. i'm ALWAYS reading too deep for my analysis of d20, and i'm super aware of it--this is part of the fun of it for me, thinking about implications and characters the creators didn't have time to, fleshing out ideas and subplots that didn't go anywhere, death of the author and all that. it's just that this season's main plot and themes, more than any other d20 season for me so far, felt so completely incoherent, despite its direction being so completely obvious to me, that i couldn't even pretend to come up with coherent analysis for it and i was left absolutely flabbergasted LOLLL

and maybe that's on me! it's definitely not a mistake i'm going to take into another d20 season, i've actually made my peace with the fact im probably never gonna get another fhsy or tuc or even acoc from d20 again (or at least the main IH cast) and that's okay..... i actually almost relapsed into taz the other day i was so desperate for a good ending AHJFSKFSFSFS

anyway this got long sorry i had a lot of thoughts. thank u for ur messages anon!