#i try not to break mutuals ever. a lot of u guys we dont have the same interests at all but i cherish u regardless

[somecontext]

ive been mutuals with some of u since i was 15/16 and tht is so incredibly strange

[kyuala]

cravity as exes

serim

he swears he's not trying to make this harder on you but your family keeps inviting him over for dinner and he just can't say no to them

i feel like serim is gonna have trouble functioning the first few days without you because you were genuinely such a huge part of his life and now that's gone

physically restrains himself from calling you whenever he gets any news - good or bad - bc you were always the first person he'd tell. it's instinct

i feel like with serim the decision to stay friends after the breakup or not could rly make it or break it for y'all. if getting back together isn't on the table he'd rather just be gone from your life completely. if it is tho....

probably the one to suggest getting back together tbh. he'd just rather work through whatever issue it was with you by his side

allen

too nice for his own good but i say this abt allen all the time bc it's true

but like, if things ended in a particularly nasty way (ie you cheating on him), i dont think he would think twice before setting some boundaries (nicely) and putting his own well-being first

still, is nice to you should you run into each other sometime but doesn't really wanna stay friends friends in case it makes it harder for his feelings for you to go away

throws himself into work whenever he finds himself missing you too much or longing for your old relationship. the type to try to work through this stuff on his own

i feel like getting back together could be a 50/50 chance with allen. you're never gonna know until you bring it up but if it does happen i think he'll make sure you both work to change and make it work this time

jungmo

an enigma. he seems hurt but how hurt is he? does he agree with this? does he want to get back together? is he already engaged to someone else? you're never gonna know unless you straight up ask him

if y'all decide to stay friends he is going to be a little awkward but as sweet as ever

when he truly gets over it he might even encourage you to go out there and try it with someone new! jungmo would be a wonderful ex tbh

i feel like he would just deal with this a lot better and in a healthier way than most. yea he gets sad about it but that's part of it for him, you know? he's not gonna dwell on it too much

if the chance to get back together comes up i don't think he would give it a lot of thought tbh lmfao if he misses you he'll wanna do it. if he doesn't he'll politely decline simple as that

woobin

academy award for best actor in the role of "totally okay with it when, really, he's not"

ruby is actually so good at hiding his feelings in this situation it would take a rly good set of eyes from his closest friends to notice he's actually Going Through It™

he would never be anything but nice to you but i feel like he would lowkey ignore you, at least for the first few weeks, 'cause he just doesn't know how to feel and it's a lot for him to process

gets really introspective when he's alone but not in the sense that he thinks a lot about you and the good moments you both shared - more like overanalyzing every little thing to try to figure out where things went wrong

again, doesn't really know how to feel when faced with the prospect of resuming the relationship. even tho he wouldn't rly be able to determine what went wrong, i feel like ruby would probably decide against it bc he strikes me as a "what is done is done" kind of guy

wonjin

goes into shock before getting sad as hell and claiming he's "hit rock bottom" (cue hyeongjun in the background "thats a glass of MILK wonjin")

says he doesn't care anymore and then keeps tabs on you LMFAO

feel like he would have a good ass cry abt your breakup like 3 times a week at least

if u speak to any other guy and he finds out he'll go into cardiac arrest while monologuing abt having been "replaced"

suggest getting back together tho and suddenly he'll start acting brand new like he's gonna have to think about it but if ur like alright nvm he's like NO NO WAIT I'LL DO IT

minhee

the type to keep your photos and videos together in a secret folder on his phone to look at when he's alone and missing you

but like literally deleted your number a couple of days after the breakup specifically so he wouldn't feel tempted to call you

absolutely makes a point of still being polite to you when you run into each other even if it was a nasty breakup

i feel like flashes of your lips and your most intimate moments would plague his mind when he's like trying to work or something lmfao he'd be angry as hell

will NOT even consider getting back together unless he's 100% sure the issues that led to the breakup have been thoroughly resolved

hyeongjun

SO dramatic god he will annoy everyone at the dorm and every single soul who'll listen with how much he talks about you

keeps loudly sighing around the house and slamming doors and minhee has to be like dude they're not even here stop doing that

probably gets emotional a lot and has to hold back his feelings when he's around you, so he gets noticeably quieter and teary-eyed

if u still hang out with the same mutual friends he regularly comes up to you at parties and dreamily sighs about "we did have some good times didn't we" and ur like ????

honestly probably thinks the breakup is bullshit i feel like he'd try to make up and get back together like 3 minutes into it

taeyoung

will give you the option to stay friends even if you hurt him real bad

will keep hanging out with the same friends you have in common and will be upset if you refuse to 'cause he lowkey kinda expects to still see you around

i feel like for taeyoung staying friends is gonna make things a lot easier - still seeing you, still laughing with you, still having you in his life. being cut off from your life entirely and abruptly would make the whole thing harder for him

tries not to get caught up in nostalgia and missing you and honestly actually succeeds

the idea of getting back together is lowkey always in the back of his mind. like the minute you suggest it he says yes, doesn't even have to think about it

seongmin

petty ex 🗣️

but only bc your breakup hit him harder than he'd like to admit, whoever made the decision

type to block u on all socials tbh

doesn't like to talk about it and doesn't want to hear what you've been up to and how you've been, like it will take a whiiiiile for him to open up even to his closest friends

if the idea of getting back together comes up a huge weight is gonna be lifted off his shoulders but i also feel like seongmin would need to take a few days to think about it and be sure. he doesn't want to go through this again :/

main masterlist | cravity masterlist

[blxetsi]

Can I get some Reiner content pls? Hcs with the kids, cooking, date nights, embarrassing moments, pets, anything!

tysm for requesting !

reiner braun dating headcanons (modern au)

college!reiner braun x gn!reader

warnings: nothing i think, lol meations of his weird parents 

- reiner would be SO NERVOUS around you when he realized he liked you

- definitely started out as friends to lovers, you knew each other through a mutual friend bertholdt, but really became friends when you shared a class one semester

- when he realized he liked you it was in the most mundane situation ever,,, you, reiner, annie, porco, and bertholdt had gotten together for a movie night, and he was literally just about to put his hand on ur shoulder to ask if you wanted a drink (he was gonna get one for himself) and his hand stopped mid air when he realized he had butterflies LMAOOO

- this mf would become sooooo on edge around you,, like you knowing he had a crush was the end of the world 🙄

- annie and bertholdt would talk to him about it (and by that i mean annie would call him a big baby while bertholdt nods along) and then he'd become more relaxed with you once more

- when you two started dating he became nervous ALL OVER again

- insecurities and doubts came seeping into his mind and he wouldnt help but be overbearing at times

- he just wanted to be a good bf 🥺 he doesnt want you to leave him 😭🤚

- you two talk about it one night and it helps calm his doubts

- thats also the first night you two slept in the same bed 🤩

- he was so blushy the next morning, he couldnt look at you without his face and ears becoming red

- is a total tiny spoon idc idc

- sometimes he babysits his cousin gabi when he goes home, so when he took you with him for the first time (it was christmas break) you got to meet her !!

- shes a hyper little thing but so sweet, and she practically DEMANDS that reiner let her paint his nails for him 😭🤚

- you also meet her friends too !! but she tells you that the blond boy falco is her BEST best friend, as opposed to her regular best friends

- you can tell reiner is on edge during family dinners, especially the one you guys had on christmas day, and when you two get to campus you ask him whats wrong

- he tells you that his relationship with his family is a bit strained, primarily his parents

- he loves them of course !! but sometimes they just make him feel,,, not good

- but he reassures you that its okay, and that hes glad they didnt start anything when you were there

- you dont believe its okay but you dont push him

- he brushes the tip of his nose a lot, especially when hes nervous

- its not him like,, picking it or anything he'll just rub the tip with the knuckles of his index finger, he looks rlly cute doing it

- also tries to get you to go to the gym with him, bertie, and annie

- if its something youre into then great !! he keeps inviting you, but if you arent into it he gets a little sad :(

- but its okay ! you try to see him after his workouts with water and something for him to eat

- this is what makes him bring up living together

- i mean, annie practically lives with him and bertie now, whats one more person ?

- and its better because you wont have to come all the way from your apartment to his just to wait for him,,, you can be at HOME and do stuff until they come back from the gym

- it takes a little bit of swaying, but then he brings up being able to spoon him EVERY NIGHT and youre sold 😐👍

- you dont want to ogle at your bf so much,, but seeing him carry boxes from the foyer of the apartment to his bedroom where youre unpacking things is a,,, sight to see

- you asked him to just keep holding the box he had in the doorway of his room while your eyes roamed his arms and chest,, specifically his biceps and pecs

- YOU GOTTA BIG TITTY BF 🥰‼️

- he just stands there like 🙁 until he finally says "y/n please my arms are getting tired just tell me where to put it" lol No ❤️

- after you move in with him and bertie, things get a bit more cramped, specifically in reiners room

- its nothing you two cant handle, just with your things there sometimes its hard to find things, or youre bumping into dressers and tables and beds

- and lets be honest reiners room isnt even big enough for REINER

- so after a year of enduring it, you two decide to get a place of your own !!

- you got two bedrooms so one you could turn into a shared office and the other you could make your bedroom, and this makes things WAYYYYY easier

- by the time you move in youre already so close to your two year anniversary

- you dont think anniversaries are that important so you guys just went out to see a movie last year, but this year ?? reiner has something PLANNED

- and u know this bc you mightve accidentally found his laptop still open in the office,,, with "anniversary plans" written out in a google doc,,, and reiner was in the bathroom and you were nosy,,,

- so you snooped and read it all 😐🙄

- when reiner brings up youre anniversary youre distracted so you say "babe ill do what you got planned dw"

- he just looks at you like "how did you know i had something planned 😃⁉️"

- ANYWAYS LOL

- after that awko taco moment you play it off like "oh i just assumed lol" AND HE BUYS IT !! AHAHAHAHHAHA

- you two go out dressed to the NINES 🤩✨ and you had this weird night on the town 😭😭

- you guys did that food trend on tiktok where you do rock paper scissors and the winner gets to choose drinks, food, dessert etc..

- then you took everything and had a little picnic in the park, and you watched the sunset together 🤩🤚

- then he took you to a fireworks show they had near downtown, and watching the colours mix with the stars in the sky was so beautiful

- it started raining after tho 😭😭😭 and you two had to run back in the rain to the car like it was a MOVIE

- it was an unconventional kind of anniversary date but it was so fun, and reiner was so glad you enjoyed it

- then he brought up what you two would do after college

- "so,, graduation is in a couple of months, and ive already got a job set. and i dont know about you but, im staying in the city after we graduate. i just wanted to know if youll be moving out or, going somewhere else..."

- your heart BREAKS bc youre so sad hes just assuming that youll leave him after graduation, WHICH YOU WONT DO

- you have a paid internship at a facility in the city, so you tell him exactly that and that youll stay with him if its what he wants

- you can tell hes more than relieved, and get so blushy when you kiss his wet face all over

- "reiner i love you."

- HE SHORT CIRCUITS. SWERVES ON THE ROAD AND EVERYTHING !

- but he tells you the exact same thing

- "y/n i love you too."

- and he really does

ive just realized this and all of my other dating hcs arent actually headcanons so much as ideas that i put in point form 😐🤚 gotta work on that 😁👍

anyways requests open hope u enjoyed

[shunsuiken]

hc’s for Kuroo and Bokuto with a fem!s/o that DOES NOT STOP TALKING!!EVER!!! like she seems quiet and calm at first, but then she surprises them; please 🥺🥺 xo

due to my illiteracy i read kuroo and kenma sdsjdksj i still wrote bokutos hcs tho so dw! thank u for this request<3

kuroo, kenma and bokuto having a talkative fem s/o.

—kuroo tetsurou.

so when you and kuroo first started dating

you guys were kinda nervous at first but thats natural for a new couple

after a few weeks though, you guys began opening up quicker and more comfortably with each other

communicating became much easier as well when you both learned each others love languages through lots of trial and error 💀

then came this time where

it was as if

your soul had switched with someone elses

because kuroo knew the type of person you were and what you were like

but that was not what he felt when he saw you excitedly chatting away with your friends regarding some movie that came out last week

(you guys are also laughing HYSTERICALLY with each other and omg kuroo has never seen that big of a smile on your face EVER)

kenma had to poke his sides to bring him back to earth cus dude was just that shocked

“KENMA WHAT WAS THAT FOR??-?-?-?1?1”

“you’ve been staring at y/n for a socially unacceptable amount of time, you look like a creep.”

“OH! HEY KUROO YOU’RE ON LUNCH BREAK”

oh my god. kuroo would think at first. who WERE you???

he realised that maybe all this time, the reserved and quiet you may have just been the first layer of your personality, maybe you just needed the time to adapt to the changes?

and so will kuroo lmao

“KUROO KUROO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NEW MOVIE” “WE SHOULD WATCH IT” “ITS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE AND”

“y/N??? DO YOU NORMALLY SPEAK FHIS MUCH???” he was so used to seeing your calm and relaxed composure

and now that you looked like the epitome of chaos, he felt so cheated that he wasn’t able to get you to be like this in the first few weeks of the relationship

“YEAH!!! but MAYBE im on a SUGAR RUSH right now IM NOT ENTIRELT SURE BUT”

kuroo is just watching you speak, this dumb smile on his face as the truest form of you flourishes in front of him

he’ll start acting like a parent at some point because YOU ARE CRAZY MAAM

“y/n stop yappin’ and EAT” “WAIT WAIT LOOK AT THIS TEASER FOR THAT NE-”

he’d deadass shove a whole onigiri in your mouth just to tease you for a bit

he also likes that he can make jokes and make you laugh louder than before

hes just so happy to see this side of you 🥺

—kozume kenma.

kenma is going to be SO SHOCKED

ngl he’d probably look at u with his brows like >:0 “where did u take my girlfriend!!! where is my girlfriend!!!”

and you’d be in this happy mood so you are PEAK chatty right now so you’re laughing at kenma’s face cus 💀

were your two personalities really just that different 💀💀

kenma will have to get used to your sudden outbursts of excitement conversations every now and then

boy has NO idea what triggered you into switching personalities

but i guess kuroo helps him connect the dots and hes like oh and then hes like oh :D because its a good thing that you willingly act like this in front of him

esp without feeling embarassed or anything hes happy you’re comfortable

its also really cute when you suddenly feel like youre rambling too much

your arm would cling around kenma’s and he’d listen to you ramble about this new netflix show that was released a few weeks ago but it was totally cliche so you told him how the entire internet made fun of it

then when you turn your head to look at kenma, hes just looking forward and you’re like “sorry, rambling arent i?”

“its not a bother,” he’ll say, sliding his fingers to wrap around yours. “if you want we could watch it together for the fun of it”

and thats literally what yall did and oml is kenma glad to see the chaos unfold in front of him

(you were not wrong when you said it was cliche, kenma almost puked at how cliche it was lmfao)

he’ll defs poke fun at the way youre loud just around him and your closest friends but when youre with other people youre just crickets

sometimes when hes playing, you’ll watch his screen and suddenly start braiding his hair

and boy does he have some silky locks despite all the bleaching

then theres another situation where hes playing and you’ll be right beside him, commenting and yelling when they’re in a danger zone

“KENMA IF YOU STAY THERE YOURE-” “I KNOW I KNOW IM TRYING TO GET OUT” “QUICK!! YOUVE ONLY GOT 10 SECONDS LEFT”

“pft kenma you got your girl over or sth? we can hear her” an online friend is gonna say and kenma’s JUST BLUSHING AND STUTTERING, TRYING TO EXPLAIN

you can hear kuroo’s hyena laughter through kenma’s headphones 💀

and since you got to see kenma stumble all over his words and act like a nervous trainwreck, it was overall a very enjoyable experience for you

“sooo when are you gonna play again?”

HES GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS AS A PUNISHMENT

but you like it cus kenma does this cute nose scrunch whenever he pinches your cheeks

and ever since you’ve shown kenma this side of you, the teases between you and him have been endless

you both make sure never to go too far with the jokes tho! so alls good :)

—bokuto koutarou.

bo would prolly be so confused at first like yall know that one ep where hes up against karasuno for that summer training camp and hes just (°_°) YEAH

he’d be like that for the first five seconds before shit clicks

“Y/N!!! Y/N!!!!” “KOU!!! KOUTAROU!!!!” and cue the big couple hug

and every other third year is like 💆🏻‍♀️ here they go AGAIN

and akaashi is literally holding bokuto’s hotdog he literally threw in the air

“A- AKAASHI DO YOU SEE THIS” “yes, bokuto-san, please lower your voice”

bokuto is just 🤩 @ you and he can’t seem to take his eyes off your lips, he loves the way they move

sometimes when yall are in the same class, everyone purposely puts you two on each end of the class

just so that your vibes dont mix and end up causing an explosion

but distance makes the heart grow fonder 🥴

SO THERES LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE

but even if you two become a lil too loud for everyones liking, they still enjoy the atmosphere you two bring

also loves to invite you and akaashi to walk home together because 🥺 the energy is just so nice

hes also glad that his girl and his best friend can speak comfortably

also rip akaashi’s ears whenever you two start laughing or yelling about some stupid puns you read out loud on the way home

now, during practises after school

the entire fukurodani vbc has to constantly remind you guys to tone down your noise levels

no, not those noise levels

but the way both of you can speak so passionately when talking about things you both have mutual interest in

there’ll be lots of jumping around and always expect the unconscious hand-holding, bo just really likes to hold hands with you

“Y/N YOU LIKE THIS MOVIE??1?2?1?-?1?” “YEAH IVE LOVED IT SINCE LIKE,,, FOREVER!!”

and obvi bokuto’s gonna bring up and ask you why and how you suddenly have so much more energy than before

and you’re just like “i’m only like that for a while 🥺” and you tell him you only start showing the way you actually act when you’re fully comfy w the person

his face softens, relieved that he can make you feel safe in his presence

hes happy that you’ve come to feel that way

so he becomes clingy for the rest of the afternoon you’re not complaining

[mmblaq]

would you like to.... elaborate on the relationship between tohru and shigure? :')

hello! of course, i rant about this probably 800 times a year so here we go!

Spoilers inbound!!! You have been warned!

there is the old debate in the fruits basket fandom on whether or not Shigure actually cared about the kids- namely Tohru. As manga readers know, Shigure’s goal the entire time (from the moment he met Tohru) was to use her as a pawn to break the Sohma curse. Its an inherently dangerous plan- he knew very well how brutal the Sohmas could be (as did Hatori who tried to warn Tohru), especially the woman that this was all for- Akito. And we have all seen the moments where tohru is harmed by it all (akito pulling her hair and pushing her around, akito pushing her off a cliff, threatening tohru and her loved ones, etc)

With that in mind, Shigure blatantly said to Hatori that he doesn’t care what happens, and he doesn’t care who he has to hurt to reach his goal. I think the Sohmas hardened Shigure a lot, and he wants you to believe that he is selfish enough to let people get hurt and he wouldn’t feel bad about it at all, but i don’t actually think thats the case. Shigure lives with Tohru, sees her everyday, she takes care of him, feeds him, does his laundry, brings him snacks while he works, and many other small things that he doesn’t ask her to do but she does because, as we all know, tohru is an angel. In return, shigure offers comfort, advice, a safe home, and a new family.

To me, this was the start of Shigure’s masquerade. As we all know, the series presents a timeline where we first view Shigure as a funny guy, a bit of a pervert, and someone who was generally not very serious, but of course this shifts a LOT as soon as he begins to show his “true colors” (the conversation with hatori, the solemn moments with Akito, etc.) However, i think the real façade was the opposite.

I think his true colors were actually the moments he was in that house with tohru, kyo, and yuki. The moments he shares with them. When he eats meals with them and jokes and teases them all, when he cleans up tohrus cuts, or when he convinces kyo to give public school a try, when he supports ayame’s attempts to reconnect with yuki. its all for them.

Of course, you could definitely say that it was all for his goal and he didnt actually care. Wouldn’t that be such an Oscar-worthy acting job?

But let’s discuss his goal. What is his goal? to break the curse? Yes. But what does breaking the curse mean? it means happiness, joy, love, and growth. He wants Akito to be able to move on and live her life- but if that were the case then that means everyone else in the zodiac would also live their lives. I dont think it was ever just about Akito. I dont think his real moments were the dark ones with Akito in a dimly lit room, i dont think they were the conversation with hatori on his goal and hurting people. It was all a cold façade to me, and the real shigure was the warm goofy man that wrote cheesy romance novels just cuz he could.

i believe everything he did was for everyone, including tohru. As he gets to know her, he comes to love her as real family. And tohru loves him too. You can see this in the smaller actions. And you can see this in the bigger ones too, like when he attends the parent-teacher conference as her guardian, or when he makes sure that tohru goes to the lakehouse and the onsen with the sohmas. when he pats her head comfortingly, when he lessens her worries, gives her amazing advice (remember the laundry analogy? lol), to me that is love and care.

shigure and tohru are certainly a relationship i adore. With everything i said before this in mind, shigure had a darker side, but i think he is inherently light and that lighter side comes out around tohru, and its not fake care or love. Shigure begins to see her as more than a pawn, and even states at one point he feels guilt when he looks at her. And in return, tohru deeply cares for him. Its an interesting brother/sister or uncle/niece kind of relationship to me and i love to see it. Theres a sadness that both of them feel because of the sohmas and can bond on that feeling- and dont even have to speak words. Maybe its because they are both dogs, but they always seemed to have a connection that didn’t require words. The affection is just there.

Overall, i think shigure really is someone who cares about others, despite what we are made to feel on the surface level of the story. I think he cares a lot for tohru over time and theres a mutual affection between them. i truly believe shigure would die for tohru, and ill argue that till death haha

im sorry theres a lot of shigure analysis here, but i feel that’s required when speaking on his relationship with tohru. If anyone actually read this- lemme know what u think!

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[miedei]

ksfkd this year i think i'll just go back to band since rn as long as they don't make me compose a whole fucking song (i'm pretty sure i won't have the braincells left to do that lmao) i think it'll be the easiest 💀

and also dw about the boy bestie thing anymore hhh i alr cried it out yesterday & formulated a plan so if it goes well YAY ! MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING ! AND NO HARD FEELINGS ! but if it doesn't then ig i'll have to wait til his brain ✨matures✨ yk i can't just drop him after like 15 years man 🤧 also it's inevitable that we see e/o cause our moms are besties so he'll have to grow up a bit if he doesn't wanna have any bad feelings towards me too ig skdjksjf

GOSH YESSSS and them both being SO SO COMPETITIVE bc their pride & ego are both SO HIGH that they absolutely fucking REFUSE every chance they have to work together until they're just fucking FORCED by management or something to get tgt skjsksjfk 🤩🤩🤩🤩

and bls we just Do Not talk about our dark wattpad ff writer days 😭 can't believe you had one as well 😭 AND WITH SKZ TOO 😭😭😭😭 what other groups do you stan omg

jungwon would just go ✨WEEEE✨ one moment and then BOOM FACEPLANT 👺 the next skjfkabdifjj now i'm trying to imagine how forget me not practice went with the mic stands & if they attempted to try shit on it 💀💀💀

AND THAT VIDEO YOU POSTED ABT DRUMMER!RIKI & SNITCH S/O TELLING HEE ABOUT THE TV HADHEDIJSKSHDKE THE AAAAAA 👺👺 AT THE BEGINNING & THE AGGRESSIVE BOOMBOOMBOOM AJDJJSHFJ LMAO

but bet i am a Walking Hazard sign, have bandaids & bruises everywhere & trip over everything lol i'm surprised i haven't accidentally broken a lightbulb with the amount of times i accidentally let go of a stick whilst whooshing it into the air cause my hands are ✨sweaty✨ (but it hits my head/me like 75% of the times anyways so 💀💀💀) also i slept well last night, thank you ! hope you're having a good time rn as i type this & when you see this 🤩😘

- drummer anon

oh god composing is so stressful it's fun but also when im doing it my brain is like 'instruments???? don't know her'

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! he better understand 😡😡

but you guys will figure it out!! when you've been friends for so long im sure he'll do all he can to keep you 😌

YES omg they're all 😡😡 at each other in the studio until one of them breaks and then they perform the sickest songs ever

omgy wattpad writer days were DARK like it went from percy jackson ff to skz and nct over the course of like 3-4 years sjsbsnns

i stan legit so many groups, like enha skz nct txt (das a lot of acronyms) twice red velvet idle and so many i can't remember 😬

some one would probably eat the microphone like the guy from that vine heeseung would murder them all

YES THATS THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF ANGSTY RIKI LETTING OUT ALL HIS FEELING AND HIS S/O IS IN THE CORNER LIKE

"it's not a big deal-"

"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND"

omg be careful don't hurt yourself drumsticks h u r t (my friends have smacked me in the head wayyy to many times) so be safe!!!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i seen a few times ppl like implying that the positive char development that the donuts are getting via their experiences has anything to do with them having Needed A Break from each other.......i’m truly bemused like. are you talking about this in terms specifically of their Relationship to each other? b/c frankly the way i was seeing it is that their relationship prior to these arcs was actually in a fairly chill place, and that they had figured out a lot of things abt their own / each others needs in terms of it that had been causing them problems and all. obviously i wasnt thinking like “guess everythings perfect for them now” since i mean it wasnt even clear they were like for sure officially ~together~ but also b/c why would it be when they’d just started to be able to have a more solid handle on their own mutual deal

but also like. the only thing we can really say is that sadie quit the big donut and got “yolo” knuck tats because there was nothing at all adequate abt the job w/o having a coworker to hang out w and the fact that lars just went off and died is like, well then live for the fuckin moment i guess huh. like that situation isnt even caused just by the fact that lars is absent, like maybe he’s on vacation or something. its that he, again, died and is still in danger and nobody knows for sure if/when he’ll get back. maybe she wouldn’t’ve started a garage band if that hadn’t happened, but its not like if she had done that and lars was still there, she would definitely be prevented from doing anything involving pursuing her interests, like. idk hopefully nobody thinks that ppl in relationships can’t have independent pursuits or focus on their personal interests

meanwhile there’s no point in saying that anything lars is doing requires sadie’s absence either. its more sort of say the absence of absolutely everyone on earth save steven for a bit there. like sure it was a factor that they got separated the way they did and he felt bad for being too panicky to help her but, same as with sadie, that has nothing to do with benefitting directly from her not being there. and its not like being separated from sadie was the One Reason he was able save everybody and get them all on a spaceship. there was like half a dozen factors there; to suggest if sadie had been there he wouldn’t be able to do this is.....i dont even know...

like fr this whole time for the both of them, the other has been probably the person they’ve been most comfortable being most like themselves around, and not feeling the kind of pressure from each other that generally stifles them in most other situations (like how lars is afraid of how ppl (he presumes negatively) judge him, how sadie feels bound by various expectations for what ppl think she’s really like (but isn’t really like))...the fact that they’re both getting to explore these different sides of themselves isnt really anything they couldnt do back on earth together. the events that happened to separate them (and separate lars from like all of earth...just to reiterate..) just happened to give them a real boost along the lines of making these decisions that impacted their development and gave them these totally new roles within totally new experiences

this is like ppl who have some idea that lars “needed” to die. like, even when its not just ppl who think so badly of lars’s char that they Wanted him to die, but rather looking back on the fact that that happened and he was killed/revived real quick lol—lars didnt Have to do that to have the development of getting to actually fight to protect others and himself and gain some confidence. he wouldve done that whether or not it had actually killed him—when he let the guys scan him without knowing it WOULDNT kill him was arguably enough to give him the same development as if the one hadnt blown up at him suddenly. and i mean, the space piracy is given a fun angle because its cool and genre, but none of them are doing it for fun. they’re trying to get to earth and not fuckin die along the way. lars is getting to continue Experiencing Some Confidence for the first time in probably ever but to present the situation he’s in and how he’s gotten there as something he “needed” is a bit cruel lol...he coulda done that on earth

like yeah if they were both living their normal lives you dont Know that some normal earth event would make them quit and sadie pursue her interests and independence while lars is put in a situation where he feels like he Belongs in a group and has confidence in himself and his ability to do like, anything. but thats coz events sort of just happen at you randomly. like how the event of being attacked by aliens basically led to this for them...it wasnt the Only Way these things could happen, its just The One Way That They Did

and like i also dont quite see that these changes theyve gotten to go through are going to put them in a perfect version of a relationship when lars gets back to earth...they still dont have the longest history of feeling kinda secure in the fact that the other really does actually like them ok, and this whole time theyve been teenz so what do you expect them having a smooth tumult-free development for, and having positive (and negative) experiences separately doesnt just automatically translate into an instantly leveled up relationship the moment they stand within 10 ft of each other again. they gotta catch up and relearn where each other is at and what their new lives and wants and needs are...and just coz their positive development might make it a bit Easier for them if some of their strongest insecurities are a lil blunted now & plus just that being happier tends to make everything easier, doesnt mean that everything is simply effortless. tbh if a relationship is effortless and stays together forever thats less Romantic And Ideal than like, sheer luck.

and it’s unrealistic (in life and in how the show doesnt make a character complete an emotional arc in a single episode or suddenly shed a defining trait just because they realize they ought to change their approach re: something or other) to think that either lars or sadie have like, completely shed all their issues as individuals anyways. and i mean, its their issues that drove them to make these changes theyre currently on. sadie being frustrated with her job, feeling unable to be herself = the motivations that means she’s now really actively pursuing what tf she feels like doing and pushing for it to continue and for it to be in line w what she wants it to be. but she’s not suddenly freed from all insecurities or feeling like everything’s perfect forever and she can never feel stifled again. plus yanno this whole time she freakin misses lars coz they’re friends and that’s not like...something she’s needed to do. absence makes the heart grow fonder but “be apart from each other indefinitely” isnt any kind of a relationship requirement. its just painful and all.

and lars knowing what its like to be afraid all the time and being frustrated abt it means he was so pushed to all at once finally stand up against what he’s scared of that he went and got himself killed, and also that he doesn’t feel the same social pressure he did on earth amongst the off colors, because he knows they know what its like to be scared all the time too—which ppl back on earth didnt understand about him. and so its the fact he’s so familiar with fear and stress that he’s able to fight for them and himself so hard now. but it’s not like you can just Decide your lifelong anxieties out of existence. after a dramatically changing experience, you’re not gonna be the same person you were before, and you’re not gonna be a totally different person. lars isnt some different person unaffected by fears or insecurities anymore. like heck he was still afraid that sadie actually didn’t miss him at all and was maybe even glad that he was gone, something that was completely in line with who he’s been and how he’s felt this whole series. and people go and be annoyed b/c i guess they expect him to just be a character Completely Changed by one dramatic yet brief part of his life rather than a character who’s still just developing and shaped by all his past experiences actually. and who, no, didnt get to choose to shed all fear b/c thats not how it works. he still feels it, he just finally got the taste of taking action anyways. plus even now that he’s not stuck in a crisis over thinking sadie might just hate him now, tbh he does still need to hear it from her that she doesnt lol)

also? tbh? lars’s Whole New Thing has been happening while he’s (mostly) isolated on a spaceship, w just the offcolors and maybe occasional interactions w hostile aliens, which hardly counts as socializing. and sadie’s whole thing of being herself and pursuing her own desires is still happening just around the cool kids really—not to mention all behind a persona. it’s actually not even that like, a lack of confidence = lack of stage fright or vice versa. its a whole other thing for her to stand up for herself and make her own choices in areas that have nothing to do with her band, even though the experiences within the band will help and give her a starting point and something to feel secure in. just like when lars is back on earth and off the ship, he won’t have the same role he has just around the off colors, just being the front of that band in his own, more imperiled, less musical way. and just coz he knows he can hold his own against destructive imperialistic colonizing aliens, doesnt mean he’s gonna be fearless in the face of the cool kids now, or think he can do anything. he’s still faced with the expectations and perceptions from ppl that he did before he left, even if the way ppl act with lars can easily change now. again, just coz things might be easier for the dnuts now doesnt mean they’ve just shrugged off their problems or are now faced with effortless paths in all aspects of their lives

theyve needed a break from the norm they used to have, but Each Other was the least of what was holding them back from changing things up for themselves. it was completely external events as much as anything else that changed things up for them, coz thats how it works sometimes—and within their new circumstances theyve gotten to experience a new situation that lets them be a bit different than they’ve gotten to be back on earth. i mean, they were really restricted. they had the terrible job, both have somewhat strained relationships w parents who dont seem to really understand who their child is, both of them feel pressured by people in general, both have insecurities, both were kind of just faced with a future that didnt involve them being able to just see happiness coming down the line. and it was a big problem for both of them tbh that neither of them really had any friends. sadie was finding it difficult to express herself or be herself, she was always in a scenario where someone (her mom, corporate policy, customers,) expected her to be a certain way that wasnt the real her, she had a crap job, nobody really seemed to know her, her tendency to Hold Back Until You Blow Up could be counterproductive to say the least. lars is stuck in the same job, with nobody thinking he’s particularly good for anything, even his parents not really expecting him to succeed in any way, desperately wanting friends but being too afraid of people to make any, being defensively irritable and pushing people away but unable to be angry on his own behalf. they’re both getting their first chance to be themselves, they’ve both stumbled into Friend Groups where they’re not only respected but supported and even esteemed, they’re both making and acting on choices completely on their own and not being as held back by their fears. but they’re the same people and none of this means the problems they’ve been dealing with are over because of it. they’ve just been forced to adapt to this change that’s come upon them, and they’ve both happened to make the most of it and be getting something positive out of a really crap situation. they could be having these arcs via a different scenario, but it would probably have to be more drawn out if nobody was in fuckin space

getting away from me slightly but its weird to say that lars and sadie Needed to be separated by lightyears thru a horrible experience and one of them is killed and still in space indefinitely. and i dont know how you’d describe what’s happening there as “a break.” that not only implies that they chose to be separated but that they have had the option to be together this whole time and continuously chosen not to, and have considered this whole experience to be a positive thing. an involuntary separation where both really wish they weren’t separated isnt a break. and to say that either of them Need to be separated in this particular way, like, man you know what their relationship needs? someone to be sent an impossible distance away & he died and might die again and might be unable to return. like, no relationship needs that or anything like that. it’d be affected by it sure, and they might be able to find silver linings in it as they have, but its never going to be necessary.....like, fucks sake if it was, how fucked up would that be

again a break would have to be something voluntarily chosen that they believed would be positive for them both, not that they believed would involve mortal peril. and they like, arent enjoying the fact theyre separated. and what the characters are going through is more about their individual developments than how it necessarily applies to their relationship—again i’d argue their relationship was in a decent place actually. not perfect obv, but good...i mean look at how good they both were at recognizing what they were both struggling with re each other. lars didnt Almost Die or anything, until later. and i imagine this stuff is going to help, but not in a “if this hadnt happened their relationship would be doomed” way. and again it is kinda wild to say that any of this might be required of them for any reason, they’re really going thru some shit w all this

anyways 🍩

[nneoculture]

crush - mark lee bulleted scenario

a/n this is my first thing ever and my requests are open!!! request scenarios, reactions, and mtl’s pls! nct only!

summary: you have a huge crush on mark and donghyuck snitches and you try your best to avoid him as much as possible genre: fluff

- so you’re like ,, super close with donghyuck but not as close as he is with mark - and you like mark A LOT but you don’t even know him personally you just hear about him from donghyuck and see him around school - and OFCOURSE you wouldn’t tell donghyuck about your crush on mark. that boy can’t keep his mouth shut even if he tried - so like one day you’re just hanging out with donghyuck doing your own best friend-y things at this cafe - then suddenly mark and their other friends (literally the rest of 127 but thats so irrelevant) come in so donghyucks like YOOOOO U GUYS ARE HERE TOO - so he calls them over and hes like this is y/n they’re my bff - and you’re like . h-hi stutter stutter bc mark!!! lee!!! is standing right in front of you - and theyre like oh nice to meet you but we gotta get going now we’re gonna be late for our thing - so they leave and as soon as they’re out of the door donghyuck turns to look at you and goes - “i have no idea why i never realized” - and you’re like “bitch what” - and he’s like “you like mark DON’T YOU????” - and you’re like “I DONT EVEN KNOW HIM” - and he’s like “shut up i saw how you were looking at him earlier i bet you didn’t even see the other guys” - and you try to defend urself by saying “i paid attention to the other guys just as much as i did to mark!!!!! the hell are u talking about” - and so donghyucks like “then whats the name of the guy with the pink hair?” - you’re like “tae……yeon?” - and hes like SEEEEEEEEE - he doesnt stop teasing you about it - you eventually get fed up and youre like “OK I LIKE MARK NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I BREAK UR NECK!!!!! keep it a secret though or i’ll actually break your neck” - so donghyucks like “ofcourse your secrets safe with me” - you don’t trust him but you don’t really think much of it - so a few days pass and you’re at school and you notice marks kinda glancing at you but he never really says hi - but youre like oh maybe he just recognizes me from the cafe - and this happens a couple more times which makes u feel kinda :3333 bc mark lee is looking at u but maybe he just looks at everyone so ur also like ;(((( - then probably a week after the cafe thing you’re eating lunch with donghyuck at school and you notice he’s really quiet - and he’s being EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA nice for some reason and youre like. this can’t be real - so you’re like “what are you hiding” - and donghyuck stares at you in shock - then he stuffs a whole spoon of rice into his mouth - and he’s like “imayormaynothavetoldmarkyoulikehim” - and you obviously didn’t understand a thing he said because it was muffled by all that RICE - so you ask him “what did u say” - and he swallows his food and goes “DON’T GET MAD AT ME PROMISE YOU WON’T GET MAD” - you’re like ok i promise - and donghyucks like “i told mark you like him” - AND YOU KICKED HIM IN THE LEG FROM UNDER THE TABLE SO FAST - HE’S LIKE “YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT BE MAD YOU PROMISED” - and you’re like “YOU KNEW I’D GET MAD” - then you two are just sitting there in silence til u finally calmed down and went “when did u tell him” - and donghyuck says “like … last week maybe” - and you’re like UGH THATS WHY HES BEEN STARING but u dont tell donghyuck that because hes annoying so u say “what did he say” - so donghyuck goes “he just said oh really?” - and you’re like OH REALLY ? - TF DOES THAT MEAN - so ur over it (on the outside, because you don’t wanna talk about it with donghyuck anymore) but on the inside you’re silently freaking out and now you don’t wanna have any encounters with mark at all - so you start avoiding being near him at all times - see him in the library? RUN!!!! - oh he’s in the nurses office too? you’re suddenly not sick - donghyuck wants you and his friends to catch a movie together??? you suddenly have so much homework sorry can’t make it - you’re just doing everything in your will to not encounter mark because its kinda embarrassing if he addresses it ya know - so one day you’re walking your dog in the park - and you let her off her leash bc its safe anyway let her have fun ok whatever - then you’re just sitting on a park bench just on your phone texting and shit - then you look over at where your dog is and you see ANOTHER DOG HUMPING HER - so you’re like OH MY FUCKING GOD - and you rush over to where the two doggos are at - and so does the owner of the other dog - and you’re too busy RUNNING OVER TO YOUR DOG TO REALIZE THAT THE OTHER OWNER IS NONE OTHER THAN MARK LEE - so u finally get there and u look at him and you’re like AW CRAP - and he looks at you and goes “oh hey y/n…… sorry about this” - and you’re like “uhhhh its fine i mean i guess she’s old enough ugh what am i saying im sorry too” - and he just laughs and inside ur like HES SO CUTE - but yeah deep inside you’re like “UDHDHHDHDJD THIS IS SO AWKWARD OUR DOGS ARE LITERALLY MATING AND THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO” - so youre both just standing there awkwardly - ……waiting for your dogs to finish - and he breaks the silence by saying “you’re pretty close with donghyuck huh” - and you’re like “oh uh yeah our parents are friends” - and he’s like “if i hadn’t known better i would think you’re dating tbh” - and you’re about to say “BUT U KNOW I LIKE U” - but he doesn’t know that you know so you’re just like “hes like a brother to me i’d never date him” - but then he goes “so who would u date” - and ur like wtf is he trying to get me to say its him thats so cocky of him - and something just comes over you because bro. mark lee is right here talking to u just take ur chance RIGHT - and u go “i know donghyuck told you” - and hes like ???? what - and you’re like “you don’t have to deny it mark i know donghyuck told you about my crush on you” - and marks like “WHAT CRUSH HE DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING” - and you’re like WHAT - but what you weren’t expecting was this - mark goes “DONGHYUCK TOLD ME HE TOLD YOU THAT I HAD A CRUSH ON YOU” - and youre just SHOOK - you’re like “THATS WHAT HE TOLD ME ABOUT YOU” - and youre both too shocked at how well donghyuck planned this - you’re literaly forgetting to acknowledge the fact that the feeling is mutual and YOUR DOGS ARE DONE MATING - then it hits u and ur like “wait u like me?” - and marks like “i always have??? YOU LIKE ME?” - and youre like “I ALWAYS HAVE TOO” - and marks like “damn….. donghyuck really did this…..” - and you tell him you’re already planning dh’s death - and marks like “count me in…. he’s dead to me too….” - and you’re like “ill hold his arms you hold his legs” - so mark goes “we should plan this thoroughly over lunch… maybe this saturday?” - and you’re like “is that a date?” - and he’s like “PSH NO obviously nOt its a plan to kill donghyuck” - you’re like :333 “see you on saturday then” - and hes like “lets not bring our dogs” - and you’re like “agreed” - so now you’re going on a date with mark all thanks to donghyucks devious plan. that boy lied to both of you to get the truth out GENIUS

[zenmister]

P1) Hi, I wanted to ask you for some advice bc there's something thats been getting me down for a long time and nothing really seems to make it better. When I talk about it to friends I end up feeling worse because they just tell me what i don’t want to hear. Basically I've been talking to this guy for 7 Months now, things started off really well, he came to see me regularly and asked me out and seemed to be into me. He's always been slow at replying to my texts and

...its always frustrated me bc I take it personally as he is ridiculously slow at replying. As time went on he gradually seemed to become more distant, and it would go weeks before he'd come and see me, then when he did he'd rush off suddenly. I started to get more & more insecure bc I wanted more attention off him & the more I wanted it, the less I seemed to get. I started to confront him and instead of making me feel better he’d get angry or just ignore me until eventually I'd stop asking him and apologise.if i didn’t he’d just not speak to me. He always makes me feel bad for having feelings for him as if I'm being 'too much'.I saw him on nye for the first time in 3 months and he arranged to get a hotel with me - but made it seem like it was just convenient rather than saying he wanted to stay with me, sometimes he’d make plans to see me and then never show up. we spent the night together on nye but when we was out he kept wandering off or saying he’s not the type of person to show affection in public, we slept together that night, and i thought everything would stop being confusing, but then the next day he slipped back into his ways of ignoring my texts, and when I questioned him he just replied ‘what’ which i read as blunt and cold. I told my friend who met his best mate on the same night (and is in a relationship with him now) that he was confusing me again, &she told me I needed to just ask him if its going anywhere, so I said to him, "I dont wanna annoy you but the reason I’m saying this is cos its been a long time n its confusing not knowing where I stand with you, Ive obv got feelings for you now and I just want to know if you can see things going anywhere with me? I’m not tying to pressure you but I can't let things play out forever without knowing if it ever will, or if I'm just being played. I just need to know if its something you'd want eventually, cos the longer you don't talk to me the more i start to think youaren’t interested, but then other times it seems like feelings mutual, it’s just tiring for me trying to figure it out, you’ve not once said to me how u feel about me and you kept saying something like' don’t make it obvious' which is playing on my mind, idk what to think." He didn’t reply for another day and i was worrying myself sick thinking i should never said anything, then I ended up spending the next day consumed by regret, trying to get him to reply, and the more he didn’t the  more desperate and distressed i was becoming. I confessed that i was in love with him and he read it and didn’t even reply.Eventually i gave up and just said to him "please can we just forget about this, i knew it was a bad idea to ask you and i should never have put pressure on you bc its not fair, i won’t ask you how you feel about me again, please can we just go back to being friends? i don’t want you to be mad at me."then he replied straight away: "I’m not mad at you you’re just too much sometimes'. Id had anxiety for 2 days straight worrying about what i said, and the only thing that made it better was him replying, The reason I’m telling you all this is bc even though we’re still talking, which is what i wanted, the insecurity is still there and nothings really been resolved bc he treats me the same and doesn’t do anything to make me feel better. now if he doesn’t text me back, which he hasn’t done all day, i start to feel like I’ve done something wrong, and all the doubts resurface. I feel like i have no control and I’ve settled for anything bc I’m scared of losing him all together and ending up with nothing, but theres nothing i can do about it without pushing him away more. I just wish he’d start making more of an effort and making me feel like i meant something to him rather than it being just me that cares. i don’t know how to get my self- esteem back or how to get out of this situation, I just feel exhausted i feel bad about myself no matter what if he doesn’t speak to me.I don’t know how to stop being affected by it.I feel deeply insecure and like I’m not good enough for him, and I’m not sure if it is all just in my head. i feel like he doesn’t reciprocate my romantic feelings towards him, but has never actually denied liking me or verbally rejected me, he just lets me think he doesn’t care. Im just so confused and upset about it all, i feel like its never ending and that i need to be validated by him. I don't know how to break the cycle and stop worrying about it, i just feel trapped. please give me some guidance, sorry its so long i just wanted to give an accurate representation. thank you:(

That is a pretty comprehensive description of your situation. I can imagine that your friends tell you to forget about him and move on. You probably wish that it were that easy, but you would rather that he behave as though he loves you instead of you doing all the work of the relationship and him just participating when it is comfortable for him.

The relationship is causing you a lot of distress. Every time you text him you create an opportunity for you to be more distressed. You have given him many opportunities to let you know how he feels and is completely incapable expressing those feelings. It would be nice of him to put you at ease and answer texts regularly but he refuses to do that. He will probably never do that.

What you can expect from him is that he will be in touch with you when it suits him, and stop communicating when it suits him. He does not take your feelings into consideration with any sense of kindness or compassion.

You can probably find somebody else who will be nicer to you. When that person comes along you won’t have any problems breaking up with this person. As long as you choose to continue this relationship, you should be clear with yourself that he will not behave the way you want him to. He will not come around and start caring for the relationship. He will not start talking about his feelings and demonstrating a commitment to you. He will not start answering your texts with regularity. He will not engage with your feelings. As you continue the relationship take care of your own feelings. You can love a plant without caring how the plant loves you back. All the feelings you have are powerful and moving. Those feelings are all real and important. Unfortunately, they are mostly painful.

Your friends probably don’t want to see you suffer for this person so they give you advice that you don’t want. If you absolutely want to continue the relationship, work on your self-esteem separately. This man is not going to help you feel good about yourself. You can practice reminding yourself that you are a good, loving, and feeling person who deserves a healthy relationship. You can also remind yourself that you love a person who isn’t good with feelings and won’t take care of a relationship.

I would recommend that you practice working with all of the difficult feelings that this relationship brings up for you with awareness and compassion. Don’t think of this as a committed relationship and keep looking for somebody who can treat you better than this person does.

If you love a pair of shoes that are thee sizes too small they are better on the shelf. They will only hurt your feet if you wear them. You can’t dance in them.

[emperor-lover]

Hwang Minhyun College/university!AU

hi everyone, im relatively new to this but I thought I’d give writing scenarios a shot! feel free to send in requests for Nu’est or W1!

• ok so you’re a second year college/uni student doing a science degree majoring in anatomy • you love it except when you have to do histology  • like everyone around you seems to know what they’re looking at but you’re just like ?? • pink blobs EVERYWHERE • you and your best friend sit next to each other in the lab so it’s always enjoyable • plus there’s a super cute guy who sits opposite you • turns out he’s a 3rd year student taking some extra papers to prepare for his PhD • He was Daniel and Jaehwan’s senior at high school and they said that everyone loved him • “ohhh that’s Hwang Minhyun? he was class president and one of the top scholars!” • “I heard he aced all his papers last semester too which is crazy because he’s on the student association this year” • so yeah he’s super smart and always finishes work super fast and can leave the lab early • unlike you and your friend who tend to get distracted and take the whole 3 hours of the lab • although you havent really talked to him much you notice that minhyun glances over at you sometimes during labs • but you just think he’s looking at your friend lol he’s not tho, he looking at u • one day your friend gets sick so she couldn’t attend the lab • it sucks because this week’s lab happens to be more difficult than usual so you struggle to do everything by yourself • Minhyun looks over at you when you sigh in frustration • “you alright there?” • you just scrunch your nose and shake your head • he just chuckles good-naturedly at you and continues working • after a few minutes, you hear the scrape of the chair next to you and minhyun plonks down next to you • “how about we partner up for today then?”

• you’re taken aback but how could you refuse when someone asks so nicely • you end up whizzing through the majority of the lab super fast thanks to minhyun’s help but sometimes you get a bit distracted by his presence • like when he’s looking down the microscope and can’t see you, you cant help but admire his sharp jawline and adams apple and pink ears and -  • you swear your heart is pounding so freaking fast as if it’s going to burst and you’re thinking you’ll end up examining your own heart under the microscope instead  • (calm down calm down relaxuu) • “y/n?” • you blink rapidly trying to act like you werent checking him out lol • Minhyun just tilts his head slightly and raises his eyebrows in confusion, completely unaware wow he so cute • the two of you didnt really talk too much about stuff not relating to the lab, but you’re on name basis now, so that’s a start • “see you next week y/n!” • fast forward to next week, your friend is better now so shes at the lab • minhyun walks in and pouts slightly when he sees that the chair next to you isnt free • you dont notice him until he sits opposite you and you give him a bright smile • which he returns just as brightly and you feel yourself melting and you realise that wow this crush you’re harbouring is going to kill your heart • surprisingly Minhyun doesnt finish the lab early today • and as you’re packing up your things you look over at him, you notice he’s actually dozed off  • “Minhyun?” you shake his shoulder gently, “hey…wake up, we can all head home now” • he blinks up at you slowly, before looking at his watch and looking back up at you in shock • “When did I fall asleep???” • “I’m not sure, maybe 20 minutes ago?” • his ears are bright pink in embarrassment and you both laugh at the situation • You make your way outside, and you realise that it’s POURING down with rain and you didnt bring your raincoat or your umbrella • your friend lives in the opposite direction from you so she literally just says “good luck” and runs off in rain • you just stare up at the sky and wonder what you did to deserve this luck • you’re about to brace yourself to run in the rain home, when an umbrella opens up next to you • “Going home?”  • “Unfortunately, yes” you sigh • He laughs and gestures for you to stand under his umbrella, “I’m heading in that direction too, do you want to walk with me?” • At first you refuse because you feel bad, but then it starts hailing and you’re like screw it im going to share this umbrella with this cute boy i have a crush on because i aint walking in this shitty weather • Turns out Minhyun literally lives one block away from you • like literally 5 minutes away • so he insists on walking you all the way home  • ”it’s on the way, dont worry, I dont want you catching a cold from getting rained on!” *cue blushing*

• During the walk, the two of you make small talk, and end up bonding over the fact that you’re doing the same major, and how you both have a passion for composing music and languages • And you find out that the two of you have quite a few mutual friends that it’s surprising that you’ve never actually met until this semester. • and the two of you talk so naturally as if you’ve known each other for ages • And when you finally get home he walks you right up to your doorstep so you dont get rained on and gives you a little wave and a shoulder bump • “see you next week y/n!” • as soon as you get inside you clutch your heart because the two of you were walking so close to each other because of the rain so sometimes your arms would brush against each others accidentally, and you could smell his cologne and just his presence and aura was so nice and comforting • ayyyy fast forward to anatomy group project time!! everyone’s fave thing to do not • you’re not looking forward to it at all bc everyone is randomly assigned a partner • when you go look at the list of names you spot your own and the name next to yours is - • "ooh I guess we’re partners then!” • minhyun (surprise surprise) beams down at you • you end up spending lots of time together • at first it’s because of the project, but in the end it became an excuse to see each other • like you’d study in the library together • or go to each other’s houses to work on the project • but you’d end up just talking for hours or watching a movie or eating snacks • and he’d still walk you home after your labs, even if it wasn’t raining • one day he mentions that he’s composed a song with his best friend Dongho and asks if you want to listen to it • and you’re like hell yeah of course! • and he puts his headphones onto your head so gently • and brushes the hair away from your face • he’s clearly nervous about your reaction • but like he literally has nothing to worry about because the song is straight up so good, you’re in awe • “this is amazing Minhyun!” • “You like it?!” • He’s so happy, he gets a bit carried away and sweeps you up in a big hug, and his hand is on the back of your head pulling you closer to his chest • You can feel his heart beating super fast • and you’re like “wow, my heart only beats this fast when im with you” • Minhyun’s pulled back and his eyes are wide like !? and he’s blushing like crazy • oh shit, did you say that out loud? • lol ok yeah you did • time to hide from minhyun forever, this is so embarrassing you cant believe you freaking said - • “your heart beats quickly when you’re with me?” • and you dont know what to do so you just blink and…….nod • and his face breaks out in the biggest smile ever and his eyes crinkle into cute little crescents and you can feel yourself melting away • and he pulls you back into his chest • “well clearly you have the same effect on me” • the two of you start dating, and when after you make it official all your friends are all like “god, took you long enough, we thought this day would never come” • And when the deadline for the project comes along you guys spend all your efforts together on it and you end up acing it and everyone thinks you two are life goals because there is just so much perfection in your relationship • and everytime it rains, the two of you remember that day you properly met and walked home together and it’s just super cute and loveableeee hope you enjoyed! I’ll post more soon! 

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hi 21/f (for tash pls)

I’ve messaged a few times and you guys have always been super helpful and I really appreciate all the help you have given me over the years.

Back in November of 2016 my gf and I broke up, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I was truly devastated. I cried for days and I’ve only just recently been able to get somewhat over her (I fully believe I was/am in love with her). When we broke up she had mentioned that we could always try to date again at some point in the future (as i write this i feel like i talked to you guys about this before so i apologize if you recall any of this and this is just a repeat, but i also have new stuff) and at some point last year i asked her out right if she ever saw us getting back together bc i didnt wanna hold out hope that we’d ever get back together if there wasnt a chance. She told me no she didnt see that happening and again i was truly devastated. Also when we broke up we said we’d still be friends bc we were really really close when we started dating, well thats not really the case? shes honestly been super distant and i know she has a life and it doesnt revolve around me but she tends to not answer me and give me one worded answers. I’ve tried talking to her about it before and voiced my concerns with her and she always just tells me shes super busy and she forgets to answer and i know that really does happen but sometimes it feels like its just all the time. I may just be overreacting to that part but its frustrating that i never seem to get any other answer out of her. Like there will be times that i feel super excited for something and shell just respond with something like “oh cool!” and then i feel dumb for trying to be so excited about it and then we dont talk for hours. the only other issue i have is she started dating someone just a few months after we broke up and didnt tell me which i can undertstand bc she knew how upset i was at our break up but just a month or so ago they broke up and now shes dating someone new again and she still didnt tell me and i dont understand why. i will admit im a little jealous at how shes dating someone new but im also really upset at the fact she didnt tell me about it again. I just miss her a lot and i wanna be her friend and be in her life but it seems like she doesnt want me in hers.

another issue im having is i really feel just alone, like i dont have anyone. i mean theres a couple people at work that i talk to a lot while im at work but we tend to not talk outside of work and ive tried innitiating conversations with them and they fall flat and they dont seem interested. i just feel like i dont have anyone who truly cares about me and ontop of both of these issues i feel like a complete failure. im not going to school and my mom has kinda been on my butt about it lately and ive been passed up 4 times for a promotion and everyone around me is trying to figure out why and even i cant figure out why. and my general manger wont tell me why he wont promote me and i just feel like a giant failure and that im not good enough for anything.

this was a fairly long submission and im sorry. thank u for taking the time to respond tho

it sounds a little like your ex girlfriend said to continue staying friend because she didn’t want to hurt you ): unfortunately though most break-ups aren’t mutual, and staying friends with an ex partner doesn’t work. 

all your feelings right now? they’re 100% valid!! like I’d feel shitty and upset if someone I thought wanted me in their life made me feel weird for getting excited over something, I’d feel upset if someone I thought wanted to be friends with me just wasn’t making any effort to show they cared. 

this isn’t going to be easy to read? but I feel like your ex said she wanted to be friends after the breakup because she didn’t want to hurt you (and not because she genuinely wanted to be friends), she’s now changed her mind and doesn’t know how to say that now. actions speak louder than words! ): and none of her actions show love or care or a desire to have you in her life. 

this isn’t a criticism at all, just an observation? but you talked about being lonely and feeling isolated and like a failure, it might be making you a little more sensitive to your ex girlfriend’s actions than you normally would be. like -- you feel lonely, you miss your ex, she acts in a way that makes you feel even more isolated and alone, it intensifies your desire to hang onto the ex and the negative cycle continues. 

my best advice? ditch the ex, let her go. I don’t think she’s deliberately trying to hurt you or be mean? but right now it’s not a healthy friendship to have. make it a goal to spread out your friendship groups a bit, make the most of opportunities to meet new people where you can. maybe use tinder to go on a few fun dates haha, download the hey!vina app if you want, maybe check out meetup.com and see if you can find a group of like-minded people? there’s an app that I use in london called fever that lets you know all about events and activities happening in your local area?! it works in a few other major international cities too -- if you don’t live in those cities then it might not be super helpful haha, but maybe your city has something similar? there’s also an app called ‘Wingit’ which operates in london, cities around europe and the US, it’s an app like fever but could be more useful if fever doesn’t work in your city? worth asking around! anything to get you mixing with new people while doing something fun at the same time (:

you’re not a complete failure, at all. promise <3 if you’ve directly asked your general manger about not being promoted and he won’t explain why? then maybe it’s time to look for a new job (: there’s not much point in staying in a workplace where you don’t feel valued or respected as a member of staff.

things aren’t going to magically improve overnight? but ditch the ex, work on branching out and meeting new people and making some new friends, make time for self care and looking after you. try to get straight direct answers from your manager about not being promoted, see what he says, ask what you can work on to improve, look at finding a new job if you just don’t feel valued or appreciated at work. good luck xxxx

- tash

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[christophersymes]

Celebrity Status

Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.

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Chapter Three

Later on that week, Jules was messaging Elías between class and work. He was sitting in his truck, adjusting his collar on his work shirt and frowning at the message Elías had sent about having something important to talk about.

familyjules: hey, dude. i have a bit of time between school and work right now. what's going on?

Mason's stomach flipped when Jules finally replied.

masonfucker1000: hey

masonfucker1000: i need to tell you smth

masonfucker1000: its been eating me up and i feel horrible about it

masonfucker1000: my name isn't elias

masonfucker1000: but i cant tell you who i am and im sorry

Jules looked at the messages as they came in, swallowing hard. He ran a hand through his hair, frowning. He felt like crying. Whoever this was was really torn up, but that didn't matter to him at all. He didn't care who they were, as long as everything else was real. That's all he fucking needed. He didn't really care, just as long as it wasn't...

familyjules: but everything else is real, right? idgaf about your name but we have something here

familyjules: be it friendship or whatever else it could be as long as you're not catfishing me to teach me a lesson or some shit i don't care about that

Mason let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when Jules replied.

masonfucker1000: no catfish. everything else i've told you is true.

masonfucker1000: uh wait are you saying you have a crush on me

It was a serious conversation, but Mason couldn't help it. He had blinked and reread the message, doubting its existence for a moment. This was the first time Jules had seriously mentioned them being anything other than just friends. He couldn't just let it go.

Jules blushed at the second message, realizing he had. And he wasn't being totally honest with them either, but... He didn't know what to do. It was too late now to change that, especially if whoever it was was straight and had a crush too, which seemed true. He hoped it was true.

familyjules: maybe. depends on if u feel the same

Mason grinned, face hot at the response.

masonfucker1000: maybe, u say. idk abt that, those sound like v conditional feelings

Jules smiled. Back to good old... whoever.

familyjules: shut up you dork

familyjules: maybe i do have a crush on you.

familyjules: also what should i call you now if not elías?

masonfucker1000: well i definitely have a crush on you, baby

masonfucker1000: you can call me anything you want ;)

familyjules: asshole is the perfect name for you, asshole. ;)

familyjules: okay i gotta get into work. have a good evening, asshole! i'll talk to you later

masonfucker1000: ofc thats what u pick

masonfucker1000: talk to you later, jules x thanks for being awesome

Jules frowned a little at the end of the last text. He could only hear it in Mason's voice from the concert. He'd said it so many times: at every fucking concert Jules had ever watched live and the one he went to. Either this was a Mason superfan who was adopting language, or it... No. It couldn't be.

He pushed the thought out of his head. It was ridiculous.

Yet, as he went into work and through the night, he kept coming back to it. He just kept thinking about how cool and terrifying it would be if he were talking to the actual Mason Hill, but also how unlikely that was.

But it was oh-so fucking likely! The way Mason had kept looking at him at the concert could have been a coincidence, or it could have been Mason looking toward that general area and Jules was just a wishful thinker. Or it could have been Mason looking at him because he knew him. Because he liked him.

But the chances of Mason Hill being Elias and liking Jules... It was so ridiculous. The chance of that was, like, one in a fucking million.

Anyway, shouldn't he be wishfully thinking it was Austin going by his middle name and Jules totally seducing him?

masonfucker1000: hey hey heyyy how's it goin how was work

familyjules: exhausting. underpaying. the usual. had some woman threaten to throw a salad at me tonight because there were tomatoes on it and she hates tomatoes so much it warrants violence supposedly.

familyjules: but i was in a good mood overall thanks to you and your mutual crush... speaking of we should talk about that

masonfucker1000: yikes! cloudy w a chance of tomatoes up in there i see

masonfucker1000: aww! you're welcome

masonfucker1000: alright (?) hit me w it

familyjules: i don't want to like... date or anything til we meet if we ever do

familyjules: don't get me wrong i like you a lot

familyjules: but it feels wrong to do ldr if i can't know your identity at all even though i dont care that much about it

familyjules: just in terms of dating i'd need a name, you know? and more than just your age and that we like each other

Mason groaned. He saw it coming, but fuck.

masonfucker1000: no yeah, that makes sense.

masonfucker1000: i like you a lot

masonfucker1000: shit

masonfucker1000: fuck

masonfucker1000: i want to meet you

masonfucker1000: but

masonfucker1000: i think maybe some more time would be good

masonfucker1000: figure out how im gonna do this

Jules stared at the messages, feeling really bad about it. He sighed, hitting his forehead against the wheel lightly. Idiot.

familyjules: yeah. i'm sorry dude

masonfucker1000: hey no

masonfucker1000: don't worry abt it, you're right

masonfucker1000: you're being super sweet and understanding and i appreciate it

masonfucker1000: have i mentioned i really like you?

Jules sighed, leaning back again. He was too smitten for this guy. This was great. He hadn't seen this yet from him.

familyjules: i really like you, masonfucker1000

familyjules: for lack of a better name

Mason snorted, wheezing and bending over in his seat.

masonfucker1000: wow.

masonfucker1000: you really have a way with words

Mason had been floating on air ever since he'd finally told Jules that he wasn't Elias and Jules said that she liked him. It was amazing! It was unlike anything he'd felt before! Which meant he obviously had to share every detail with his bandmates.

"Good morning, prisoners of the Junkmobile!" Mason announced his knowingly unwanted consciousness as he hopped off his bunk, narrowly missing slamming his head against the top bunk adjacent to his. Their tour bus, which they tended to give nicknames, was a mess, but it was their mess, and really, everything was where it was should be.

"That wasn't the name we agreed on, was it?" Austin frowned, pausing in the middle of a spoonful of cereal.

Andrew rolled his eyes as he tossed a pile of Hot Pockets in the microwave.

"The Rat Roller has many names," Mason ruffled Austin's hair. He froze and frowned at them making sad breakfast. "Hey! No tourfast! Don't we have a few hours for Bryan's break?"

Chris groaned from a bit farther behind them in his bunk, "Stop trying to give everything a tour nickname. I thought you'd given up on that."

Bryan was their driver, and he took his breaks very seriously. He was definitely passed out right now. Not that they interacted with him much to know much more than that. Bryan, as many band bus drivers tended to be (in Nosam's experience), preferred minimal contact with the rabid animals that usually inhabited his enclosure.

"Never!" Mason hollered, grinning. "It's fun. Where's your tour spirit? Now, c'mon, let's go and get some actual food."

Andrew grimaced as if the concept of leaving the bus had physically burned him. "Rather not."

Austin nodded in agreement. "Pretty sure there's fans right outside. We're due for a hotel in a day or two anyway, we'll go out then."

Mason bounced a little, annoyed and definitely going fucking crazy on that bus. He pushed himself off the counter, falling into the booth across from Austin and sinking into it. "Guys, I'm going to lose my shit if I spent one more minute in here. Who cares if there's fans out? We'll say hi. I need out of this bus. I need to do something."

"Then go, no one's stopping you," Andrew looked at him pointedly.

"But I don't wanna go alone," Mason whined, looking off to Chris' bunk, his curtains half-closed. "Chris."

There was loud groaning from the bunk, and the curtains were shoved open as Chris' head poked out, blinking tiredly. "What, Mason?"

"Tell them we have to go out."

"We don't," Chris sighed.

"You guys don't love me anymore," Mason went on, throwing his head back.

Austin rolled his eyes. "Mase, we just want a break. We've got a show tonight, Stella's calling soon and—"

"You called her last night!" Mason sat up to look at him.

Austin blushed, his face turning red like a curtain falling over his face. "So? I miss her, I haven't seen in her in a month."

Mason made multiple sounds that were a mix between constipated groans and a kid throwing a tantrum.

The microwave blared, only adding to the volume. Andrew yanked the door open, a disgruntled sound falling from his lips as he grabbed the burning hot pockets with his bare hands. "And I have a date with the PS4," he announced as he carefully placed a can of Redbull on top of the pile in his hands and escaped to the back of the bus. Chris promptly ducked his head back in so Andrew could pass by, giving Mason a pleading look as he closed the curtain.

Mason pouted, quieting down as he stared at Austin, who awkwardly pushed Reese's Puffs around in his bowl, taking out his phone. Mason groaned again. "How about brunch? In a few hours?" he asked, loud enough Andrew in the back could hear. "C'mon, I want to tell you guys something."

"If it's about cyber sex with your fan, nyet!" Andrew hollered back.

"I second that motion. I've heard enough about Jules' sexting skills," Austin gagged.

The bunk their bassist was in made a bunch of unintelligible, mumbled Sleepy Chris sounds that Mason roughly translated to: I agree and I'm happy for you Mason, but please, no more of that.

Mason grinned, "No, but it's important. Pretty please?"

"Yes!" Chris yelled in exasperation, followed by a noncommittal uh huh from Andrew. Mason smiled, and then quickly dropped it to give Austin a sad look, but his performance was rudely interrupted by Austin's phone ringing.

Austin's face lit up as he picked up his phone, glancing up at Mason. "Okay, okay, brunch, but go somewhere else, alright? Watch Andrew or something."

"Okay, but if you guys start talking dirty, I'll throw your phone out the window."

Mason settled in next to Andrew, who frowned and sighed quietly, but otherwise didn't complain. The back of the bus was, for the most part, an unspoken quiet area, unless everyone was playing a game or talking about a game, or it was a Serious Conversation.

Mason watched Andrew dominate, and then Andrew handed him a controller. Chris joined later when he wanted to get away from Austin and Stella's horrible phone call that was, of course, taking a turn for the sexual. Mason quickly opted out of the next game when he got a message from Jules.

familyjules: hey hey masonfucker1000

masonfucker1000: oh my god not you again

familyjules: ): u hate me that much already? didn't we just admit we have crushes?

Mason grinned at the reminder. Crushes! He felt like he was fourteen, but he didn't care. They had mutual crushes, and this felt genuine, and natural, and like it could actually be something. AKA, as he was realizing, the polar opposite of all his exes.

masonfucker1000: what? idk what ur talking abt man

familyjules: not-elías cmon

familyjules: don't be a dumbass ):

masonfucker1000: im always a dumbass, darling

masonfucker1000: how was work?

familyjules: eh, it was alright. people are rude, but it's expected

familyjules: how was ur day? haven't heard from u much today

masonfucker1000: its been p chill! day off! mostly been lazying around and playing video games w friends! i hate tony he beats me! almost always! im gonna kill him!! and you wont even know its him on the news!

Sometime early on in their online relationship, Mason had had a hard time not mentioning Andrew, Austin, and Chris. They were his coworkers, his bandmates, his best friends and his family. His bros! How could he not? So, he'd ended up using other names for them. Tony, from Andrew's middle name Anthony, Vic from one of Austin's last names, and well, he'd just been spelling Chris as Criss, which was horrendous but a necessary evil.

familyjules: i'll keep an eye out for tonys in the obituaries and let the cops know they should look for a traveling prostitute who sounds like mason hill when he sings. what game did u play?

masonfucker1000: alrighty but I'm like fucking Mary Poppins ill be up and out before they even get there

masonfucker1000: Halo 5

familyjules: you're fucking mary poppins and not me?

familyjules: D:

masonfucker1000: ohmy god

masonfucker1000: i wish

masonfucker1000: i had a disney boner for her i swear

familyjules: okay but do u mean julie andrews or emily blunt poppins?

masonfucker1000: UH COME ON

masonfucker1000: OBVIOUSLY JULIE ANDREWS

masonfucker1000: MY TASTES ARE RAD AND CLASSY

familyjules: just making sure dude

familyjules: emily blunt's pretty hot after all

masonfucker1000: MEH SHES ALRIGHT

familyjules: smh your tastes are awful

masonfucker1000: u just fucking dissed urself

familyjules: damn right i did.

familyjules: on the contrary tho

familyjules: i have amazing taste.

masonfucker1000: dont u dare! u are the most gorgeous! the MOST! gorgeous!

masonfucker1000: and shit i cant argue that

familyjules: making me blush again, mf1000? already?

masonfucker1000: anytime and all the time

masonfucker1000: okay but what if I had the biggest grossest mole like

masonfucker1000: on my nose

masonfucker1000: im not saying i DO

masonfucker1000: i DON'T

masonfucker1000: and I'm also not saying moles are gross

masonfucker1000: okay

masonfucker1000: what I mean is

masonfucker1000: what if i was your definition of

masonfucker1000: fucking butt ugly

familyjules: oh, you're mason hill?

masonfucker1000: oh

masonfucker1000: my

masonfucker1000: fucking

masonfucker1000: god

masonfucker1000: u KNOW you wish u were mason's hands !!!!

masonfucker1000: i cant believe you !!!

masonfucker1000: i thought we had something !!!

familyjules: i didn't say his hands weren't pretty

familyjules: just a joke!! you dumbass

masonfucker1000: His HANDS?

masonfucker1000: thats ALL?

masonfucker1000: what about his PERFECT FACE?

masonfucker1000: his MUSCLES?

masonfucker1000: his HAIR?

masonfucker1000: his ASS?

masonfucker1000: his AVERAGE DICK?

familyjules: they're not awful, i guess. i doubt you look too much like him tho

masonfucker1000: I LOOK perfect

masonfucker1000: THATS ALL U NEED TO KNOW RN

masonfucker1000: AND HE'S PERFECT

familyjules: god this is why i don't interact with mason stans smfh

familyjules: now if u look like austin.... i'll nut in my jeans as soon as i see u

masonfucker1000: FUCK U

masonfucker1000: MASON STANS ARE THE BEST

masonfucker1000: and i look BETTER than austin so u WILL nut

familyjules: better??

familyjules: than austin?????

familyjules: does not compute?????????

masonfucker1000: you're INSUFFERABLE

masonfucker1000: I'll murder him

Mason whined indignantly, earning a look from both Chris and Andrew as he grabbed a pillow and stood up to launch it at Austin, who stopped mid-sentence to Stella to stammer and glare at him. "We're not being gross!" He blushed at whatever Stella said in response to that, quickly turning away again.

Mason sat back down without explanation, only mildly satisfied.

familyjules: okay im starting to think you're a traveling murderer prostitute. is that more correct?

masonfucker1000: im too pretty for prison

familyjules: that... wasn't a no

masonfucker1000: 😉🔫🔥🗡️💼🕶🤖🖤😍💥

familyjules: what's the robot doin in there? do u kill via robot?

masonfucker1000: im an emotionless killer

masonfucker1000: ruthless

familyjules: OH. kinky

masonfucker1000: oh, yeah? youre into that?

familyjules: ;)

familyjules: maybe i am

masonfucker1000: wait ur into ruthless murderers or being ruthlessly murdered

familyjules: ;)

masonfucker1000: oh my god its the latter isnt it

familyjules: 🤤🔫🗡️🔥🤖

Mason had practically dragged the boys out of the bus. For all the constant complaining about how cramped and boring the bus was, they sure hated leaving it. Which was totally understandable, fans could be a lot, especially after hanging with them during so many shows and meet and greets, but it was definitely worth it for some food. Or at least that was what Mason thought.

With the help of a couple of bodyguards, the guys managed to get through a small crowd of fans and cameras near the bus, and into the nearest decent-looking restaurant. Mason sighed happily as they were seated. "You guys need sunlight and all that. Papa Rod said we shouldn't be shut in the bus if we can help it."

"Papa Rod can suck it," Andrew kicked lightly at Mason's leg, looking over the menu with interest.

"Do you think they have frozen yogurt? I've been craving it for weeks," Austin questioned, miserable and hopeful as he flipped to the back of the menu. Chris' eyes widened and he dropped his menu in favor of looking at desserts with Austin.

Mason laughed, "If you guys are doing dessert first, I'm in, but I want pie. Wait, you're distracting me! I need to tell you something—"

"They do!" Chris pointed out the froyo on the menu, and Austin gasped.

Andrew watched them deliberate excitedly over flavors in amusement, glancing at Mason. "What's up?"

"I sort of told Jules the truth. That I'm not who I've been telling her I am," Mason blurted, raising an eyebrow as Austin and Chris stopped to stare at him.

"What does that mean?" Austin gaped. "Does she know who you are? Did she faint? Have you checked social media?" Chris tried to discreetly check his phone.

"No," Mason rolled his eyes, laughing a little, "Of course she doesn't know— I just, I couldn't keep lying like that, I felt like shit. And after actually meeting her... I just couldn't, so I told her I'm not Elias, but that I can't really tell her much about me."

"Oh," Chris frowned, putting his phone down. "That's... still sort of..." "Complicated?" Andrew supplied, playing with his fingers anxiously as a few people around them stared and whispered to themselves excitedly. "How'd she take it?"

"Great, and we even admitted we had feelings—"

Andrew gasped sarcastically, smiling slightly as he dropped his chin in his hands as he leaned forward. "You admitted you had feelings?"

"You're not funny, Drew," Mason tried to hide a smile, his next words making it easier. "She said that we can't really... well, date, if she doesn't know stuff about me and hasn't even met me. I told her I'd need time to figure it out. I want to tell her, but... I don't know," Mason muttered, sighing and looking down at the table as he played with the corners of his menu.

"Makes sense," Chris smiled sympathetically, giving his hand.

"We would really like to not experience another Catherine," Austin teased.

Andrew shuddered, "Don't even mention it, I still half-expect for some agent to send us a thriller screenplay based on your fan stalker."

"Ha ha," Mason chuckled, "Okay, I know I've said I'm not really into the big screen, but I would totally do that one."

Andrew looked to Austin and Chris. "So, are we getting the froyo?"

They spent way more time than was necessary debating the validity of certain froyo flavors (honestly, an old debate constantly refueled), Mason checking the Nosam site after they had finally agreed on one.

masonfucker1000: real talk: whos the one person youre embarrassed to say you want to fuck

familyjules: real talk? mason hill

masonfucker1000: aw COME ON

masonfucker1000: what did MASON HILL EVER DO TO U??

familyjules: im KIDDING

familyjules: ur reactions are just hilarious

familyjules: honestly tho? my clone. i'd fuck myself.

masonfucker1000: sadist

masonfucker1000: wait

masonfucker1000: what

masonfucker1000: what

masonfucker1000: you'd what

familyjules: lots of shame in that

familyjules: you heard me

familyjules: read me?

masonfucker1000: 1) i did not expect that

masonfucker1000: 2) why would you have any shame in that

familyjules: 1) gotta keep you on your toes

familyjules: 2) it's fucking myself, dude??? you wouldn't feel any shame if someone walked in on u fucking ur clone?

masonfucker1000: not at all

masonfucker1000: thatd be hot

familyjules: anyway, who would you be embarrassed to fuck?

familyjules: you're biased.

masonfucker1000: biased? cuz i know im hot shit? yeah probably

masonfucker1000: and uh...

masonfucker1000: huh

masonfucker1000: Christina Ricci

familyjules: oh, i thought you were talking about u walking in on me fucking myself. damn. familyjules: misinterpreted

familyjules: and christina ricci????? she's fucking hot

familyjules: why would u be embarrassed

masonfucker1000: that would also be hot

masonfucker1000: and yes, she is masonfucker1000: you don't just fuck christina ricci, you take her out on a date and then get horribly rejected by her

familyjules: .....fair.

masonfucker1000: not to mention shes probably a top

familyjules: major top vibes from ricci too. u trying to tell me something, not-elías?

familyjules: HA

masonfucker1000: ... im a top

familyjules: what if u walked in on christina ricci fucking me

familyjules: what then

masonfucker1000: oh shit

masonfucker1000: id be so mad

familyjules: would u bottom for christina?

masonfucker1000: ...................................................................

masonfucker1000: yes.

familyjules: damn. u would be embarrassed to fuck her then huh

familyjules: wait would u be embarrassed to fuck stella? u could take her and i could take austin

"Ugh, gross," Mason grimaced, sighing at Austin, who had some froyo stuck to his mouth when he looked up at him. "Why is Jules so obsessed with boning you? It's like, the only turn-off."

Austin shrugged sheepishly. "You're finally into someone and she couldn't care less about Mason Hill. It's the universe telling you you're not that great."

"Don't slander, Sally, I'm the best the universe has ever made. The Goddess made me on the seventh day."

Austin opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it. Froyo was vastly more important than Mason's ego.

masonfucker1000: oh jesus christ

masonfucker1000: i guess i would but i don't like the second part of that plan

familyjules: you don't? ):

masonfucker1000: nope

masonfucker1000: you can take chris

familyjules: ugh

familyjules: dont get me wrong i love chris but i don't love chris

masonfucker1000:

masonfucker1000: ugh?

masonfucker1000: HA

masonfucker1000: thats hilarious

familyjules: he's just big inspo!

familyjules: christo!

masonfucker1000: how bout Andrew?

familyjules: UGH

familyjules: BORING

masonfucker1000: OH SHIT cmon

masonfucker1000: what makes u think he'd be boring?

familyjules: i'd take MASON over andrew

familyjules: i mean, andy's cool and all but he's so quiet

masonfucker1000: you make it sound like fucking mason would be so horrible

familyjules: need someone to talk to

familyjules: puh-LEASE he would be

masonfucker1000: the quiet ones are always the freaky ones

masonfucker1000: oh he talks a lot to the band doesn't he?

masonfucker1000: WHY DO U SAY THAT

familyjules: the freaky ones? are you joking that andrew's freaky? interesting

familyjules: yeah but i'm not the band!

masonfucker1000: im just sayin its who hes close to !

familyjules: what, are u jealous of mason now cuz he's my second choice? this is hypothetical, man

masonfucker1000: masons above all, im jealous u somehow think austin tops him and me and apparently everyone else

masonfucker1000: do u have eyes??

familyjules: hey i didn't know you were in this equation

familyjules: i'd choose you anyday, ne

familyjules: definitely my top choice.

familyjules: 1. not-elías (tho i'd need a name to moan) 2. austin elías salinas vicente 3. mason hill

masonfucker1000: awwww SHUCKS scratch that i have never been jealous in my entire life

masonfucker1000: I read that as neigh tho

masonfucker1000: what's your favorite thing in the entire world

familyjules: is that even a question?

masonfucker1000: yes it is tell me

masonfucker1000: is it sour gummy worms

familyjules: oh that's a good one

familyjules: check out that list again, dude

familyjules: hello? did i kill u or something?

masonfucker1000:

YEAH how are you single ???

give a dude a WARNING

familyjules: whoops

familyjules: just found the right person, so... waiting on them

familyjules: OOPS. warning

masonfucker1000: im the right person, huh?

familyjules: pretty sure you could be

familyjules: not a 60 year old mouth breather? apparently hotter than austin? loves nosam?

familyjules: hilarious?

familyjules: sweet?

familyjules: only downside is: mason stan.

familyjules: but that i can live with

masonfucker1000: oh my god that's an UPSIDE

masonfucker1000: youre really in for it baby

masonfucker1000: im the definition of the right one

familyjules: oh, i'm sure

masonfucker1000:

despite your unrelenting obsession w Austin, you are absolutely heartstoppingly gorgeous, and the easiest person to talk to, with the lamest sense of humor (like me) and you are a huge teddy bear!! 🐻 so right back atcha, sweetheart

familyjules: dumbass. there's that sweetness i was talking about 💙💙💙💙

[wonpilie]

semi-hiatus or something

alright so i guess this was a long time coming but i’m gonna have to not be here as much as i used to. i’ll keep my queue full & probably pop back more than i should to post edits (bc i have realized that no matter what, i always love making edits and stuff!! it actually keeps my mind of things?? idk it’s calming unless i have to pick fonts) but also i’ll try to concentrate on Life™ , aka a Concept that i dont really have but oh, well

i guess this is something a lot of people have been feeling: tumblr is just not the same. it’s so full of bad stuff and hate… it used to be my escape and now i feel i need to escape from it, too. which is sad because it makes me feel like all my Life™ is ever going to be is an escape after another. adding to that… i have *whispers* exams, so i should be studying… ahah sure

it’s been months since this site has started feeling more toxic than healing for me & i don’t remember the last time i had one (1) whole day on it without feeling anxious or sad about something. i guess this whole tswift stuff has only made it worse (and i mean a lot worse). especially since basically 70% of the people i follow have been reblogging hate about her, and you know im just sayin it��s fine if you don’t like her but this is Too Much… just think if your favourite singer was always in the public eye like this (and had been since they were basically a kid…) and if everything they did was blown up out of proportion… by which im not saying taylor has never done anything wrong or that you’re supposed to like her. you’re not. de gustibus non est disputandum. but oh god what’s the point of all of this hate? like just don’t talk about stuff you don’t like and risk ruining it/this site for people who do. aren’t you tired of all the hate that is in this world already???

that said, i still love all of my mutuals and that goes over this one thing… i haven’t unfollowed anyone nor do i want to & honestly you guys are all amazing 💕 and i appreciate all of u and the fact that you’re still following me even though we don’t see eye to eye on some stuff so thank u

i guess i just really need a break from all this. as selfish as i am, im still not cut out for all of this hate.

if you guys wanna stay in touch tho you can add me on goodreads and my newly made twitter @ softgaia that better be worth the pain of making it & if we’re mutuals we can exchange snapchats too <3 so that’s it, sorry it turned out into me talking about taylor lmao but it really got to a point for me when everything is making me fuckin cry but what’s new right

okay that’s it... i’ll go back to listening to the anastasia soundtrack now bye