#i trust her judgment if she thinks I would survive it LOL

[cartoon-skeleton]

I’m applying to be a substitute teacher LMAO

[galadrieljones]

i actually wonder why you ship daryl and beth? i see them as friends and yeah i watched their scenes over and over and i didn’t see any love between them. And i see beth younger than him and i see daryl see her as a friend and sister So what is your reasons to ship them anyway!?

I'm going to assume this question is in good faith and that you are genuinely interested in why I (and many others) ship bethyl, so I'll answer in good (albeit cautious) faith. I'm also going to tag some of my friends and mutuals at the end who I would like to encourage to share why they, personally, ship bethyl.

First, know that I don't care if people don't ship bethyl. I also am not beholden to shipping "canon" ships. I don't care about any of that, and I think it's boring to restrict one's interest in shipping to what is canon or what the fandom accepts. You're free not to ship bethyl, and I won't be mad. That's your choice!!

BUT, since you're here of your own volition, realize that I personally don't buy the bethyl bond as "sibling-coded" argument at all lol. I can understand if someone just doesn't want them to be together, because they want Daryl to be with another character or something. That's fine and perfectly rational. I can also understand if someone does not like age difference ships, and they reject it on those grounds alone. Okay! That's your preference. BUT, Beth was 18 by the events of "Still." And the argument that they share a "sibling-coded" bond has never held water for me. Believe me when I say that I can see the argument for C*ryl before I can see the argument for Daryl and Beth being "sibling-coded," and that's saying a LOT. I've literally never had anyone successfully explain this perception to me using actual evidence from the show or from the actors/showrunners outside the show. It is ALWAYS subjective. And when confronted with evidence of a bethyl romance, these same people tend to just invoke their *age difference* as if that, in and of itself, is a dealbreaker.

IMPORTANT: It's NOT a dealbreaker, but some people in fandom these days mistake personal preference for moral paradigm, and these people tend to be very judgmental and to screech a lot and to spread rumors and to bully others. The same exact thing is happening to Neggie. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

Now, you say you don't see how they could possibly be "romantic." Of course, that's totally fine, but you will need to try and explain this to thousands of people lol. I am actually not super interested in going through, in detail, why I ship bethyl from a defensive position. I'm very sick of defending something that is, frankly, entirely unproblematic and also...popular! Other than Rickyl (which is a non-canon slash ship), Bethyl, even ten years after her exit from the flagship, is still the most popular TWD ship on AO3. It was popular at the time that the show aired. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's wife ships bethyl lol. Bethyl is not "weird." It's not even a rare pair!

AND YET, to put so briefly, if you *actually* care: I PERSONALLY love bethyl because I believe their characters exist in beautiful harmony. Beth is an artist. Her priority is beauty and continuously discovering what it means to live. She believes in the goodness of people. She is a religious character who has faith in God's love. She is, as Norman put it a long time ago, like a little light at the end of the tunnel for Daryl. She reminds Daryl of what it means to live, what it means to trust people and to have faith. She protects him from his own demons and reconnects him to the beauty that remains in a dying, horrific world. Daryl tends to forget about his own well-being and his own happiness. He prioritizes brute survival, because he was taught to do this over many years of emotional and physical abuse as a child. He is "used to things being ugly" and he frequently blames himself for things that go wrong. He closes himself off to others because he has a difficult time trusting that they won't abandon him or die. At the moonshine shack, Beth confronts him on this, and he confronts her right back. Beth isn't used to being challenged by men. But he challenges her to be better and to face her own insecurities as well. He makes her stronger. She pries open his heart. At the moonshine shack, she physically grabs him to remind him that he is still alive, and that everyone they've lost was once alive, too, and that just because they might be dead now, that's not his fault. The two of them still alive, while others are dead, that's not his fault, and there is still goodness in the world and things worth living for.

Speaking of physical touch, you really should rewatch "Alone" if you want to understand the physical and romantic chemistry between Beth and Daryl. There is literally so much that I could go through, but I don't have time lol.

The moment I fell in love with bethyl was actually in "30 Days Without an Accident," when Beth embraces Daryl in such a way that reassures him that he is not alone in a desperately lonely situation. Both characters are battling demons in this scene. But it's somewhat subtextual. If you don't watch closely, you may miss it.

That said, as has been established, a LOT of people did NOT miss it lol. It's just that a lot of people also want Daryl to be with someone else, or they feel the need to moralize on the internet. Neither one of those things is relevant to me, though I accept them as realities.

Anyway, I hope this helps! ->

@sasusc @frangipanilove @twdmusicboxmystery @pipergirl17 @sweetz1919

@emsee22 @drewmoll03 @bookqueenrules @bethiscomingsoon

@angelthefirst1 @bethgreeneprevails @im-immortal @rose-andthe-thorn @wdway @boltthrutheheart

and anyone else, I know I've forgotten some people 😩. I just went off the top of my head, so please chime in on why you love bethyl, or feel free to completely ignore this ❤️

[dollgxtz]

i can’t lie to you i wanted to bang my head into a wall multiple times in the 4th chapter like girl!! you’re in a seedy ass place and the convenience store clerk basically gave you to finger and told u to piss off when you told him you got kidnapped 😭😭 what makes you think some random guy in such a place would have good intentions 😭

I totally understand your frustration, and I appreciate you bringing it up! When writing Chapter 4, I actually did some research on how extreme stress, combined with a lack of food and water, can really impact a person’s ability to think clearly and make good decisions.

In that moment, the reader was so scared and stressed that her judgment was compromised. Her brain, under pressure, was essentially pushing her toward the first sign of help—even if it came from a stranger in a sketchy situation. It’s a reflection of how survival instincts can sometimes override logic in dire situations.

On top of that, she’s from Linkon, where people are much more likely to drop everything and help someone in need. She’s used to trusting people and relying on her community, so in her mind, reaching out to someone—even a stranger—felt like the natural thing to do, even if it was a bit shady. Her background and the stress she was under led her to make risky decisions.

She did not fully grasp that in a place like the N109 Zone, 9 times out of 10 you cannot blindly trust someone you don’t know, unlike Linkon. She just thought the cashier was being a jerk.

Still frustrating nonetheless, don’t get me wrong LOL. But I hope that helps!

[mintytealfox]

If Alice's parents were still alive, how do you think they'd view Norton as her love interest?

HEH

I wish I knew more about them but from the vibes it seems to me like they basically took in Orpheus and took good care of him while Orpheus's parents were working. Then them being referred as kind and gentle

but that is with children lol

So to set the scene, the manor games are happening and Alice, Melly, and Norton escaped. Alice reunites with her parents that are living in a hidden safe place, both parties believing that the other didn't survive the initial attack and are shocked that they are standing face to face, and this grubby guy right behind Alice lol

Imagining Alice all gown up now and is with this grubby guy -WHEEZE- but even then I imagine they would be quite gracious with him cause Alice and him kept each other safe, and I can see Norton being a little weirded out that they aren't staring at his scars like everyone else does, especially rich people. That they aren't forming negative opinions of him and treating him lesser than because of his appearance.

Sidenote: I sometimes think that Norton kind of likes his scars cause they finally gave him a reason to look grumpy at the world like he is on the inside. Giving him an excuse to hate people cause they are staring at his scars. Like he is putting them on display and not hiding them so he can give himself excuses to be mad and offish and alone. I think he was masking so hard before cause he is this tall good looking guy that the ladies would fawn over, especially the old nurses and old ladies in hospice, he would probably play the part of the local heartthrob for them cause one he wasn't on the doom train just yet and then two, to keep his image glowing for job opportunities. But was still likely taken advantage of and looked down upon by the snobbish rich people that would visit to look over their mines and hospitals and such.

Then here are these extremely confusing rich people that are being nice to him and it isn't fake, from what he can tell. Talk about confusing

Anyways back to the parents.

I bet they were nervous at first cause they remember seeing his picture (where it looks like a dang mugshot with his empty eyes in the newspaper pfff) but Alice talks so highly of him they are like 'oh, yea I see what she sees in him, at this core he is gentle and kind'

I bet they would do all they can to behind the scenes to get him to open up to them, cause I BET they are well versed in the fake conversation stuff so once Norton starts actually opening up and speaking his truths they would 100000000% know it ;; It would likely take a WHILE but well worth it once he finally speaks as his true self with them

So all in all I think they would trust Alice and her judgment at first until they really sit down and talk and are like 'yea there is more to him' and get curious. and get extra curious when they notice how soft Alice and Norton glance at each other lol

I can see the DeRoss parents being more cautious than they used to be and such, cause of the initial attack all those years ago. But they still have their core values intact and I think they would end up liking him LOL

[skyartworkzzz]

If they were to still be around, what would Lambert's family think of their relationship with Narinder?

SEEING THIS ASK MADE ME THINK OF A COMIc that is in the works atm BUT since that is gonna take a while heres what each of them would think!

When meeting Narinder for the first time, considering their narrative, the entire fam would most likely be wary and not even let Nari into their village or house before being completely sure they can trust him But if good impressions are done...:

Rambert would likely be chill with Nari if Lambert is; he trusts his child's judgment given that they are the most skilled one amongst the others in survival and just knowing people in general If Lamby sees no reason to be wary of Nari, then so doesnt Rammy uwu

Betty is quite the protective mom so I can only assume she would be- nosy AUHUIAJSDMK Just wanting to know how this started, why they like each other, making questions like "what did you see in them" out of the blue to both, she would want to make sure her kid is with someone good to them Should there be any episodes that'd prove otherwise, Betty would be the first to beat the shit out of Narinder-

Cotton follows the personality of his mother and is quite protective as well, but is not as invasive as her. He would instead figure things out with Lambert, asking how they feel around Narinder, making sure that everything is okay and just observing them both from afar most of the time Depending on how well things go, he would be pretty chill too and even be the one calming down their mom about her worries for their relationship xD

Shaun doesnt care as long as Narinder doesnt hurt his sibling He would def be the one to tease Lamby tho, being like "gayass" from time to time or "Lamb and Nari under a tree-" kind of thing LOL But if anything happens, he would do whatever it takes to not let the cat near his sibling ever again

Wooly is likely the most curious one, from wondering how their relationship started to asking Nari why he has 3 eyes LMAO BUT def be the most innocent one to be like "oh thats so cool so happy for you both!!" They'd be the one to comfort Lambert if smtng happens

Dolly would also be just as curious but smart about it, making questions that sound like someone older than her would make despite her age (14-15) She would be fine with Narinder, but def take advantage of his feelings sometimes for shits and giggles like "oh do this or Ill tell Lambert you stink!!" smtg like that yk xD I think she and Nari could make for interesting partners in crime at some point now I think about it help thatd be funny-

ONE DAY ILL GET A COMIc done or get to this part soon enough in my fanfic Death After Life where Nari meets Lambert's family, so we shall see whether these stick til there!

For now hope this answers ur question, tysm for asking! ^^

[jerzwriter]

It was so hard not to put all the emojis.

I managed to pick these. For all your 6 main characters please.

💥💢🌙🎭💧

Ann! OMG, knowing me, I'd freaking do it. 🤣🤣🤣 🤡

OK let me pop an Adderall and start this lol (That list has my ADHD like WHOA lol )

💥COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with? Going for the jugular from the start, lol OK, let's do this.

Ethan/Kaycee: Ethan, it's self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Not professionally. There he's a cocky mofo lol But personally? He doubts he'll be "good enough" for Kaycee. There is a certain element of being unable to trust, too; but, Kaycee helps him put that at ease very early on in their relationship.

Kaycee is very put together. She copes very well with most emotions. However, fear of loss can plague her, and when they're bad, it can become debilitating. I trace this back to when her mother came close to death when she was a child, then the attack, and even Ethan's indecision at the start. I HC that she really falls apart in the future when her mother dies. It's a very, very difficult period.

Tobias/Casey: Tobias is so damned self-assured, and he has this blase "OK, so that's in the past, let it go" attitude for himself and everyone else. But, he can struggle a lot with the fear of losing Casey and, later, his girls. His father's early passing and the chemical attack feed that, and when Casey nearly dies giving birth to their third daughter, he is pushed over the edge. He's very protective of his wife and daughters, and he tries to keep this in check, but its a struggle.

Casey struggles with insecurity at some points in her life. Not always; in general, she's very confident and self-assured. But when her anxiety is triggered, her logical mind is not in control, and she can spiral. This is at its peak after the chemical attack but, ironically, after her near-death experience delivering Kayla, she becomes much more at ease.

Eli/Zoe: It's fear of loss and guilt for both of them. They've both lost so much and live in a world where you're almost expected to lose everyone. After his family's deaths and before meeting Zoe, Eli's coping mechanism was extreme withdrawal and isolation. He moves beyond that, but the fear never leaves him. He doesn't know if he could survive losing Zoe.

Zoe's coping mechanism is to find the reason to go on, the people, the things, the cause, to make life worth living regardless of the loss, but Ana's death wounds her deeply. Like Eli, she doesn't know if she could withstand losing him, yet they both know it's a very real possibility.

There is also so much guilt there because his whole family died, and he didn't. And the circumstances surrounding that will haunt him until the day he dies. Ana also has guilt. She feels if her name wasn't on the list, they wouldn't have had to flee The Tower, and Ana would still be alive. Ana sacrificed everything for Zoe, and she doesn't reap any rewards. This is very hard for both of them to cope with.

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

Ethan/Kaycee: Ethan still has anger issues with others at times but doesn't tend to get angry with Kaycee except when she isn't taking care of herself or he feels she's putting herself at risk. That will lead to a fight.

Kayce gets angry when Ethan is inflexible or being too harsh in his judgment of others. It's usually not directed at her, but she doesn't like seeing it, especially when it's not warranted. (It can be with family/friends, definitely at work).

Tobias/Casey: After initially thinking it was funny/cute/harmless, dealing with Casey's initial insecurity/jealousy is an issue. Tobias eventually says she has to trust him, or they won't work. He doesn't want to lose her, but he's willing to walk if they can't work it out.

Casey gets annoyed because he nitpicks when it comes to his cars and her driving (which is very good, by the way). At times, he can also be too overprotective, and that ticks her off. While never with her, he can be slow to forgive others, and that can get her upset.

Eli/Zoe: Eli was so used to being on his own - so adjusting to life with a partner, friends, and a whole colony of people is not always easy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and he can become flustered/angered. He also learns to be open with Zoe very quickly, IMO, but there are times he can still have his guard up, and that can cause issues between them. Sometimes, it's Eli needing to do more work; sometimes, it's Zoe needing to be more understanding.

Zoe is always looking at the glass as half-full, but she can be too trusting, and sometimes, that can cause her pain. Still, she continues to trust. This can drive Eli insane, especially since nothing upsets him more than seeing her upset or in peril.

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Ethan/Kaycee: After coming together, their greatest wish is to have a happy life together and, in time, with Emma. Everything else is secondary. They are willing to make adjustments to their life, including their professional lives, to accommodate this.

Tobias/Casey: Honestly, it's the same as Ethan & Kaycee's.

Eli/Zoe: Eli just wants them to be safe, alive, and to take time to enjoy each other every day. He will do anything for this. Zoe wants the same, but she is on a constant quest to escape the dangers of the world she's in. It is good - but problematic - because she isn't likely to ever get exactly what she wants (life before the outbreak), but if she could, oh, she'd do almost anything to obtain it.

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

I am OBSESSED with this question - even IRL - because we all wear 1,000 masks, we are not the same to every person, and I am OBSESSED. lol (Billy Joel's song "The Stranger" is a favorite)

Ethan/Kaycee: Ethan is VERY different with different people. He is at his truest self with Kaycee, Emma, Naveen, and Alan, but he guards that in front of others like mad. He gets along with Kaycee's friends, but he will still never be 100% at ease with them. Likewise, he rebuilds a friendship with Tobias, but he maintains that level of sarcasm as a protective mechanism to a certain degree. He remains a curmudgeonly ass in the hospital lol

Kaycee is very what you see is what you get, but she is more reserved at work and around people, she isn't entirely comfortable with.

Tobias/Casey: Tobias & Casey are pretty much who they are. They're comfortable in their skin, and they don't adjust that mask too often. Still, they're more reserved in some situations (esp after their girls are born), and it takes a lot for either of them to not like (really not like) someone, but if they don't... oh, watch out. They cannot even be bothered to put on a game face. They'll know it, and the Tobias/Casey that person knows isn't even a resemblance to the one everyone else does.

Eli/Zoe: I will die on this hill: Eli Sipes is NOT the stoic/closed-off/emotionally void person we meet in canon. All of that is a response to extreme trauma. Proof? How quickly he changes - He goes from "STAY AWAY ZOE!" to "Look, you're worth the risk" within a month's time. I really think as time goes on and he adjusts to being loved by Zoe and having a new "family" in their friends and colony, he will be a very different Eli. Class clown, not really (though he does have a wicked sense of humor and loves a good practical joke - especially if it's played on Troy), but with that said, he will always, always, always be much more at ease with Zoe than with anyone else in the world. He'll have all these circles around him. Zoe is the only one in the center; he's still a lot more chill with those in the next circle, but not as much, and so on. By the time you get to the outer core, he's pretty much the Eli we met.

Zoe is very much who she is... but... she doesn't show her vulnerability to everyone. The people who see it the most? Eli, Troy, and Ana before she died. Shannon and Angel do too, but not as much. She also works to try to show some of that to the children that surround her, to let them know it's OK to be vulnerable at times, but it's a struggle.

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

Ethan/Kaycee: You know what's weird, outside of AU's (where I will be brutal lol) I don't have much angst for them in my HC. I think the roughest parts will be dealing with infertility, and dealing with the deaths of their loved ones.

Tobias/Casey: *sigh* When Casey nearly dies after Kayla's birth, Tobias falls apart. He blames himself. She didn't want another child, and even though Kayla was unplanned, she knew how much Tobias wanted more children, so he blames himself. If she had died, I don't know if he could have gone on. He barely does, and it takes a few people to really snap him back into reality while Casey is still very, very ill. (This period is gonna be rough, and I can't wait to write it.)

Eli/Zoe: I have two AUs in mind; in each of them, one doesn't make it. They are ANGSTY AS FUCK, but I can't bring myself to do these things to them in HC. lol

For now (because I'm still developing it), I them coming to terms with his family's death - and her with Ana's - and them trying to help each other assuage the guilt/grief they carry. I also have some pretty angsty pregnancy ideas... but still being thought out. And a potential storyline where someone from one of their pasts shows up and it threatens to tear Eli & Zoe apart.

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A LOT lol - Thanks Ann

[reaction2whatever]

Agents of SHIELD S3E04-S3E05 reaction

Agents of SHIELD S3E04

-This new monster is just targeting Inhumans and killing all of them?

-welp if I have one criticism of Daisy's outfit it is the fact that she's on a mission in heals

-she'd fight a LOT better without those heals lol as a girl I know that for sure

-Bobbi being a couple's therapist for Fitz lol I've lost count how many times Bobbi helped FitzSimmons

-Agent Johnson now?

-mmmm I guess it has a nice ring to it

-I think this name change has symbolic values to it. Skye used to be a person without a last name or a family. She was all "First name Skye, Last name Skye, Agent Skye"

-Now she's Daisy and she's Agent Johnson. A person who has a family name. She knows her heritage and where she comes from. Not an orphan anymore.

-I like this change now that I figured that out

-It's the fourth episode of this season and Daisy is finally hacking

-I get that if she can kick ass, she has powers and she can be a hacker is a bit overpowered for a character. But I just miss her hacker side I guess

-Why is Coulson so adamant about cooperating with this Rosaline woman??

-I don't really like her

-It's good to see Simmons have therapy. Girl needs it

-My heart breaks for Simmons when she said she'd given up hope

-Andrew is a pretty good therapist

-It's so good to see May being back on base

-I wonder what happened between May and Andrew

-Even though personally I prefer May and Coulson

-It makes me so happy to hear that Daisy is better than all of ATCU and found things that they can't

-I'd say Daisy and Mack is too few men compared to all the people in ATCU but damn is Daisy COOL when she busted that door with her power

-Daisy kicking doors down is soo cool

-So the monster is called Lash

-I still don't trust this Rosalind

-Why this Lash didn't kill Daisy? and he can turn into a normal person?

-The way I hate Ward ugghh He did not just kidnap Andrew

-How is he such a successful villain. Seriously I haven't hated a fictional character like this in a long time

-Hunter definitely let hate cloud his judgment

-There is no way Andrew really just died like this right??

-Now Fitz knows that Simmons wants to go back and maybe next episode there will be an explanation as to why?

Agents of SHIELD S3E05

-Ahh I didn't notice the first time watching. It was Fitz's fault that Simmons was sucked into this stone right?

-This is going to be a Simmons surviving episode?

-I'm here for it

-oh man. I didn't notice it before but Simmons's actress she's phenomenal

-She's so good at acting?

-Ahhh I'm so proud of her for finding water and food!!!!

-Yess girl!!! fight that water monster!

-But realistically speaking, the most likely period where Simmons could have died would be before she found water and food.

-Without food source and water source, it is the most dangerous period of time to be trapped on a desert planet

-The way she sends Fitz messages is indeed very cute

-But I do have a slight criticism of the writing tho?

-It seems like (so far) Simmons is only thinking about Fitz apart from space science/survival?

-I mean yeah It makes sense realistically Fitz is the only hope for Simmons to get rescued cause he's the scientist but...

-From what I've gathered she comes from a good family? she's got good parents, right?

-idk I would have appreciated it if she talks to her family, Daisy, May, Coulson, Bobbi, other people in shield?

-But no. it seems like she only ever records messages for Fitz

-If she thinks there is a chance she's gonna die she'd probably record some messages on her phone for her parents? for everyone in shield?

-but nah it's just ALL Fitz?

-Simmons is captured? So there are other people on this planet?

-She can do pull up now? Simmons' got stronger!

-why is this person keeping her alive?

-what the hell?

-poor Simmons she really toughed up and doing stitches on herself now.

-ahh so he was an astronaut

-Okay halfway through the episode we finally very briefly see Simmons watching a video with her shield friends and the video ended up with Simmons talking to Will about Fitz

-They've made Jemma's world very small, as if Fitz is the most important thing ever

-When in reality mmm I get that Fitz is important. There is no question about that. But he shouldn't be her whole world like this episode is implying it to be?

-I want Jemma to be her own person and get to properly on-screen miss her other friends. Miss her parents.

-idk give me her background story about her being a kid smarter than half of the adults she came across

-Was she popular/lonely as a kid? background in shield academy? is her life pre shield so boring there is no material worth mentioning there?

-Okay. Is Simmons gonna get together with Will? Because it seems like it and.....

-I mean it's angst for FitzSimmons but if she does get together with him I'd understand her

-The way she said goodnight will after goodnight Fitz is...symbolic?

-What's this monster he's talking about

-Ahhh she found that sword from when they sent people over!

-Even though I know for a fact that Simmons survived, I still get nervous for her

-ahhh Simmons is soo clever of course she'd figured out how to go home!! I'm so proud of her!

-See, when Simmons use up all of the power on her phone, she said goodbye Fitz.

-Only Fitz

-there is just no mention of the rest of the team? You can make Fitz more important than the others but at least mention the name of other people in the team?

-annnd finally a mentioning of her dad

-But it is so brief and casual ughh

-I feel so bad for her when her hope gets crushed

-This is why she told Andrew that she'd given up hope at one point

-ahhh welp I feel like I can understand Simmons for being with Wills

-It's got to be incredibly lonely when it's just two people on an alien planet

-Girl finally got to mention her dad again and it's only about her relationship with Will

-Come on now writers. Jemma Simmons is a brilliant scientist and her life is not just Fitz and Will these two boys

-AHHHH!! Fitz's flare!!!! Jemma is going home!!!

-Will saved Jemma awwww I wonder if he shot the monster

-Fitz is such a good man he's gonna help her save Will?

-Will saw the sunrise but he was alone. It's kinda sad

-So this is the end of this very unique episode

-I love that it is Jemma Simmons centered.

-However, I guess I would have loved to see her reflecting more on her life as a whole.

-She basically is missing a man in the first half and falling in love with another man in the latter half

-There are so many possibilities and yet ... IDK I feel like it is a good episode just that it can get even better for Simmons as a character

-It is really nice that she's tough and intelligent in this episode so I guess that's a plus

-But it is just so romance-centered

-And I swear to god she better not be pregnant

-Holy shit imagine the drama that could break loose if she's pregnant

-I vaguely remember Jiaying said this monolith is dangerous to inhumans. so maybe that monster is dangerous to inhumans?

[watasemasaru]

🔪 🔫 🎀 🖍 ☄️💙 >:D

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame? That more vicious side of her takes over. If Wakaba ever feels like she could have done something to change the outcome, she will absolutely blame herself. Turning that guilt to rage to push herself forward and retaliate. Privately, she will allow herself to be mournful and cry.

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum? She is more balanced in her trust and suspicion. She would rather wait and see before making a knee jerk decision. Backstabbed...well, in this current thing I'm writing (attempting really, it's just chunks of STUFF atm)- she is absolutely backstabbed by someone she had pledged her loyalty to because she believed in his goal. Luckily Wakaba managed to survived and in turn stabbed him right back. Wakaba is trying to protect someone and the only way to do that is by retaliating. So if it were to protect someone or something, she would turn the knife around.

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into? Wakaba's main au is yakuza/judgment, but I have put her in other worlds. -In my .hack//g.u. AU she plays a human Lord Partizan, extreme pierce power, high defense, but still weak to magic. -MY CURRENT BRAIN ROT, BETTER CALL SAUL; Wakaba is secretly working with Gus as a go between to transport his drugs to Japan behind the cartel's back. She agreed because she wants Gus to succeed in his revenge. It's tempting to put her in bnha, but i'm not sure what kind of quirk she would have. I don't think she'd be a very good hero either, because if it suits her goals, she'll break the rules or do less than scrupulous things lol.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them? For the love of god let someone help you for once, you don't have to it all i promise T_T

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right? In world people assume her to be cold and a tyrant. With her looks and being tall, Wakaba does look intimidating. But she is very kind and polite, she just likes to get into trouble :)

💙 BLUE HEART - do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn’t around? Oh very, but she plays it cool. If someone is teasing her about missing her s/o she'll smile and say something like "oh, yes - but they will be back soon<3" and on the inside she's wailing like a cat locked out of the bathroom LOL

THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS AAAA <33

[conduitandconjurer]

What does Klaus think of Lila? Did he have a chance to meet Patch beforehand, does he have a preference for either as a partner for Diego?

The tricky thing about analyzing Klaus is that you have to examine him under many layers of manufactured "contentment" and "easygoing happiness," practiced skins he dons to buffer himself against literally relentless trauma triggers (in the form of childhood memories, in the form of combat ptsd, in the form of losing Ben, Dave, and Rachel, in the form of his own powers, and now in the form of the existential trauma that is knowing he has died over 50 times at that hands of people he should have been able to trust).

I say that because knowing what Klaus "thinks" about Lila or Patch or anyone connected to that trauma, even like, adjacently, has to be filtered through his highly artificial--but highly reliable--facade of "everything's okay." As Robert Sheehan has said more than once, Klaus is more vulnerable, more fragile, than he appears, and he survives through means of adaptability.

That adaptability includes an ability to welcome new people, who are far from ideal or objectively "good," into his life, should they be important to his loved ones (eg, his siblings) or useful in keeping him afloat a little longer. Klaus stuck up for Lila to Viktor as a knee-jerk reaction for the former--Diego loves Lila, and as far as Klaus knows at this point, Stan really is their kid--and for the latter--Klaus remembers how Lila was able, in S2, to mimic each Umbrella's powers, which could come in handy in an ongoing conflict with the remaining Sparrows. He refers to her as "family now, kinda," for Diego's sake, and out of a valid impulse that there's strength in numbers during a crisis. He adapts. Lila, who also knows exactly when to bury hatchets to survive, recognizes and appreciates this ("thanks, kitten").

However, not only do I think Eudora Patch would have been a better partner to Diego--she would not take his shit, and she often could persuade him to talk a little more candidly about his horribly toxically bottled up feelings of rejection and inferiority--I also think Klaus would have ultimately liked Patch better, too. I don't just say this because she literally saved his life, and indirectly sent him to meet Dave. I also say it because Patch is kind, caring, and courageous: traits Klaus has often vocally praised in other people (such as, again, Dave, and Viktor--"s[he] used to cry when we stepped on ants as a kid," defending Viktor against allegations of intentionally harming Allison).

Ultimately we can't know, and frankly, not to copout, but I think Klaus has a unique ability to get along with almost anyone (often putting himself in horribly painful situations in the process) and he will support Diego's decisions without judgment.

I also adored him with Stan--he was surprisingly responsible and cool, lol--and think that he's going to really enjoy being an uncle, if Lila is even still pregnant after the "Reset."

[arcturusreads]

Hi i dont know if your still accepting prompts but I didn’t want to forget the idea lol no pressure though take your time with this one: Hayes bringing Meredith to Ireland to meet his family and to spend time together just the two of them

Tell Ma I'm Coming Home - Merhayes

I've been shockingly bad at writing lately so I'm sorry that this took so long but I hope this is okay x

“You know, it’s a well-known fact that I don’t do very well when it comes to meeting parents.”

After a 13-hour flight that included a stopover, Cormac had yet to persuade Meredith that his family were going to love her. He’d spoken to both his parents in length about Meredith, mainly due to his Ma’s probing. Initially, they had both just been grateful that Cormac had been willing to open up his heart again. There was never a concern as to how he would handle becoming a single father to two teenage boys. The worry had laid in the thoughts that their only son wouldn’t find someone to share his life with. That his grief over losing Abigail would be all-consuming, not allowing him to understand that he could be happy again.

So, when Cormac had finally told them that he was seeing someone, neither of them could care less who it was at first. Their excitement was purely because their son had eventually understood that finding love again didn’t mean that his love for Abigail would ever diminish and that he deserved to be happy. Over the past few months, they’d gotten to know more about the girl that Cormac had fallen for. She sounded headstrong, confident, stubborn. Everything that Cormac needed.

“Mer, I promise you that I’m not throwing you into the lion’s den. I wouldn’t ever do that to you. So, please trust me when I say that they already love you.”

The two of them were trundling up a stone strewn path. After getting a bus and a taxi from the airport, Cormac had told the taxi driver to drop them off in the middle of a small village, telling Meredith that the walk to his parent's house out on the fields was definitely worth it. After ten minutes she was yet to believe that. It might have been a bit better had they not been dragging their suitcases behind them. Cormac had offered multiple times to take hers but Meredith had stubbornly refused. She could carry her own bags.

When the house eventually came into sight Meredith stopped in her tracks. Her mouth dry. Realising she wasn’t following him anymore, Cormac turned around and walked back to his girlfriend. Placing a hand on her hack, he kissed her cheek.

“Come on, I promise you, my family are just as crazy as yours are.”

He gently pushed her forward with him, knowing that she wouldn’t be willing to move otherwise. It was odd for him to see Meredith like this. The woman that he had fallen in love with was so confident in her work, so headstrong in her life that it was peculiar to see her this anxious about something that he hadn’t thought was that big of a deal.

From outside the door, the pair could already hear booming laughter from inside. The sound of his father’s laughter made an unconscious smile appear on Cormac face. It didn’t matter how long he spent in America, this was always going to feel like home to him. One hand still on Meredith’s back, Cormac opened the door with the other ushering Meredith in first, who hesitantly walked in.

Cormac brought both the bags in, giving her a grin before yelling out, “Ma, Da! We’re here!”

A woman in her mid-30s came rushing out of the living room, her blonde hair falling out of a bun.

“Cormac!” She flung her arms around his neck, making him stagger back a little before he steadying himself and returned the hug,

“Trying to kill me, are ya, Niamh?”

She pulled away, slapping his arm. “Well, maybe if you visited more often then I wouldn’t find the need to.” She stuck her tongue out at him whilst Cormac just rolled his eyes.

Not entirely sure what to do or say, Meredith, stood off awkwardly to the side. She didn’t want to interrupt Cormac’s time with his family. He’d spoken in length to her about his sister Niamh. Whilst the age gap between them was quite large, he had always been close to his sister. Always let her tag along when he would be going to play football with his friends, would spend the entire weekend with her when she was able to convince their parents to let her visit him in uni.

Niamh nudged her brother, nodding over at Meredith so she could be introduced.

“You know you could just introduce yourself. I feel like you might just be old enough now.”

That earned him another punch in the arm. Winching, and rubbing the injury, Cormac decided not to risk any more teasing. “Niamh, this is my girl, Meredith. Meredith, this is my entirely annoying,” he flinched as Niamh went to punch him again, “but extremely talented, baby sister Niamh.”

Grinning Niamh pushed her brother out of the way and went to hug Meredith. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Eventually and awkwardly, Meredith hugged her back. This was definitely a warmer reception than she had had with Derek’s sisters.

“I thought he was going to hide you from us forever. You must be exhausted, come into the living room, Da’s already in there and Ma just ran out for some milk.”

Meredith found herself being dragged off to the living room and when she turned back to her boyfriend, she found him with a huge grin and knowing look on his face. He’d had no doubt that this was going to be the reception she got from his family.

Cormac hadn’t even managed to step foot into the living room before Niamh had begun introductions.

“Da, this is Cormac’s girlfriend, Meredith.”

“it’s a pleasure to meet you, Meredith.” Standing up from a worn-out armchair, Cormac’s father was dressed in a white shirt and a pair of grey trousers.

Meredith took his outstretched hand to shake, “Thank you for letting me stay here, Mr Hayes.”

He gave a hearty chuckle, shaking his head. “Oh, you don’t need to call me, Mr Hayes. Rory will do just fine. Come on, take a seat, Ava won’t be too long now.”

As Meredith took a seat next to Niamh on an empty sofa, Rory welcomed his son home. The two shared a long, tight hug. It was clear to see that Rory had missed having Cormac around. The space between visits had been far too long and Rory had left it up to his wife to badger their son to come and visit them but he had missed Cormac more than anyone. Watching the Six Nation hadn’t quite been the same since his son had left.

When the two of them had finally let go of each other Cormac gave a pointed look to Niamh, the same one he had given her when they were kids as he wanted her to move but she wasn’t six years old anymore and happy to listen to her brother.

“Oh, I don’t think so. You two have been dating for months which means that you’ve had her to yourself for months. So, I’m pretty sure you can survive not sitting next to Meredith while Da and I get to know her.”

Cormac looked over at Meredith, hoping that she might support him but instead his girlfriend just smirked at him. “You heard her. There are plenty of seats in this room.”

Shaking his head, Cormac took a seat on the other armchair in the room whilst his father laughed at him. Inside though, he was pleased that Meredith felt comfortable enough to not need him next to her, that she was happy to sit next to his sister. The next ten minutes were spent with Cormac mostly on the outskirts of the conversation as Rory, Niamh and Meredith all got to know each other. Meredith found herself quickly at ease with the pair much to her surprise. That ease soon faded away when she heard the voice of Ava Hayes as she entered the house. This had been the member of the Hayes’ family that Meredith had been most worried to meet.

Cormac had told Meredith of the close relationship that he had with his mother. She had always been his number one supporter: his toughest critic yet his biggest cheerleader. It was Ava whom Cormac had leant on for support when Abigail was first diagnosed, always at the end of the phone whenever he needed her. Whilst she hadn’t agreed with Cormac’s rash move to Switzerland, she had still gone to visit him and the boys after a few months to make sure that they were settled properly.

“Cormac!” A lady of around five feet bustled through the door in a floral white summer dress and coral cardigan, her brunette hair going white at the roots hung around her shoulders.

Cormac immediately got up from his seat and wrapped his mother in a hug. “Ma, I’ve missed you.” He kissed her cheek as they pulled away.

Ava smacked his arm making her son wince, “You wouldn’t have to miss me if you just came to visit more often.”

As he opened his mouth to reply, his mother quickly waved him off. “Don’t bother with the excuses. It’s Meredith that I’m more excited to see.”

“Thank, Ma.”

Ava ignored her son’s sarcastic drawl and turned to look at Meredith who’d gotten up from the sofa. Much like her daughter, Ava pulled Meredith into a hug.

“it’s so lovely to finally meet you, Meredith. Cormac won’t stop going on about you whenever he calls.”

Meredith gave a nervous smile, a slight blush crawling up her cheeks. “It’s nice to meet you too but I definitely wouldn’t believe everything he says about me.”

“Nonsense. You’re the woman who’s finally managed to put a smile on my son’s face again. I’ll forever be grateful to you because of that.” Ava’s eyes began to well up with tears.

Meredith took one of her hands and gave it a squeeze. “You raised an amazing man and he’s done a lot more for me than I have for him.”

Ava quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen. “Oh, don’t praise him too much, it’ll just go to his head.”

“Oh, trust me, there’s no risk of that.”

“It’s true, that’s probably the first compliment she’s given me in the past three months.”

Meredith just rolled her eyes at him in response, “There’s just not a lot to compliment and that’s not my fault.

Ava couldn’t help but chuckle at their interaction. She felt fully at peace now having met Meredith. She’d never doubted her son’s judgment but having finally met Meredith, Ava knew that her son was in good hands, and she couldn’t be happier. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t spoken to her son’s girlfriend for very long, Ava just had a good feeling about her. Not only that but she had seen the way that Meredith and Cormac kept glancing at each other, she could sense the lightness in her son’s stature that she feared had disappeared forever and the woman standing in front of her had been willing to take a 13-hour flight to meet her boyfriend’s family for the first time. If Cormac ever let go of Meredith, Ava was going to give him hell, but she was pretty sure that this was Cormac’s second chance love and she didn’t know anyone that deserved it more.

[hey-its-nonny]

So, thanks to the lovely @themerriweathermage, i can repost all of my chapters of in between!! Again, a huge, huge, thank you, love. i can’t tell you how happy i am about this.

Chapter one of In Between!

i’m super excited for this!! hope y’all like it!!

note: this first chapter will start out (and maybe end) in Legolas’ POV just for somewhat of his backstory. the rest will be told from your POV!!

~~~

The battle was over.

Burials for the dwarves had come and gone, and while Tauriel was grieving over Kili, Legolas was left with a broken heart over the she-elf in question. He just didn’t understand. Tauriel was supposed to be the one. At least he thought so.

Was there something wrong with him? His father would have told him so. He didn’t understand why it stung so harshly, but he supposed that was the risk you took when you fancied someone.

But, a broken heart didn’t really matter now, did it?

The truth was that Tauriel had all too quickly slipped out of Legolas’ grasp; and there was no getting her back. Like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode in his face, it had only been a matter of time before Tauriel slipped away from him. So, he traveled for months to meet a man by the name of Strider.

At first, Legolas had lost his sense of just about everything. He knew where he was going, but he didn’t want to find his way there. Everything he’d loved had slipped out of his grasp in a matter of weeks, and he had no power to stop it.

That’s what he hated: being unable to change things in his life. He was a prince, for Valar’s sake. Changing things to get what he wanted was quite literally what he was used to. He understood that he was privileged, although his father said he’d deserved every bit of what he got, unsurprisingly. Somehow, though, he felt he didn’t.

Just like he didn’t deserve Tauriel.

But, as his walked on with his thoughts tormenting him every waking second, he bumped into something- or someone, to be precise. While lost in his thoughts, Legolas’ feet had taken him to a small village -somewhere near Rivendell- he guessed, judging by the forests and whatnot.

It was a man. He’d bumped into another man. Upon realizing this, the elf froze, his senses coming back to him quicker than he’d lost them. He murmured an apology to the man, and the hooded figure nodded, quickly turning to go on his way.

Legolas realized he didn’t know where to go next, so he went to ask the man. “Do you know a ranger by the name of Strider?” He called, stopping the man in his stride. “Who’s asking?” He replied, low voice ringing in the almost eerie silence.

Legolas somewhat scoffed. “I am.” He stated, knowing full well what the man meant. He was angry and hurt, so a little sass or sarcasm could be expected from the elf. Who would blame him?

Apparently, you would.

Laying the pile of wood down, you readjusted the strap of your pack as your combat knives found their way into your hands. “Answer the question properly.” You spoke out, causing the elf to flinch. Cute. A fight prior to this meeting had put you in a bit of a sour mood, so any further irritation would only make things worse.

Legolas turned and faced you, eyes slightly narrowed, making it evident he wasn’t in a good mood either. “Legolas of th-“ He started, cutting himself off to correct himself. “Legolas Greenleaf.” He stated, turning to face Aragorn once more. “Now, answer my question.” He returned, raising a brow.

You shared a quick look with Aragorn, a questioning gaze evident on your features. “Strider.” He answered, and your expression phased into a calm one. You never really trusted people easily, and this elf would be no different, no matter how pleasant his face looked. Whenever Legolas heard this, however, he looked a bit embarrassed.

You smirked, leaning against the tree with a quiet hum. Aragorn grabbed both yours and the elf’s attention as he spoke up, removing his hood. “Why are you searching for me?” He asked, hand readily reaching for his blade. The bitter cold made this exchange far more intense than it should have been, but the elf showed no intentions of harming either of you.

The elf cleared his throat, searching for the answer to that question. “I merely wish to follow along whatever path you choose to take.” He said after seconds of silence, bringing down his ego as best he could. “Companionship, if you will.” He clarified, earning a distrustful, yet knowing exchange between you and Aragorn.

You walked over and pulled Aragorn aside, hoping to get out of ear’s reach from the elf. It took a while, but once you both were far enough from him, you whispered, “Are you going to let him follow us?” You asked, nodding in the elf’s direction.

The man huffed. “Perhaps. I cannot fully trust him yet, but I feel that it may be good to have him around.” He admitted, gazing at the leafless trees that surrounded you. You sighed, brows furrowed. “I don’t know if it is a good idea,” You replied, uncertainty and caution churning your insides. “but I trust your judgment.”

“We’ll have to take night watch, though.” You added, earning a chuckle from the man. “Let’s get a move on, then.” You sighed, trudging through the woods with Aragorn trailing behind you. A hopeful Legolas met your gaze, searching for any signs of confirmation. He didn’t get anything, though.

You simply grabbed your pack and firewood, tightened your tunic, and went on your way. Aragorn spoke up one final time, doing the same as you. “We do not stop until nightfall.” He stated, earning a swift nod from the elf.

~~~~

Hours later, you all finally found a resting point in a cave and started a fire, gathered around it in attempts at gaining some warmth. Aragorn had gone to scout the surrounding area, leaving you shivering and alone with Legolas. As you huddled close to the fire, shaking due to the cold, Legolas stood, walking over to the pack he’d brought.

He pulled out a thick cloak, walking over to offer it to you. “Take it. You need it.” He quietly stated, draping the fabric over your shoulders. The warmth was almost instant, and you allowed a sigh of relief to escape your lips. “Thank you.” You smiled, to which the elf nodded.

Suddenly, your curiosity got the better of you. You peered at the elf from across the fire, staring into the sky blue eyes he possessed. “Where are you from?” You asked, trying to pass the time. “Mirkwood, as they call it now.” He answered reluctantly, though he seemed a bit more at ease now. “And you?” He returned, raising a brow as he met you e/c eyes.

You stared at the flickering flames in thought, pondering if you should give the elf an answer. It was only fair. “I don’t remember.” You quietly admitted, a solemn expression on your face. “My parents passed when I was young. I’ve been with Strider ever since. He’s like a brother to me.” You explained, earning an almost sympathetic look from the elf. What were you doing?

You stood before he could offer pitiful condolences and drew both of your knives. “Speaking of Strider, I am going to search for him. Excuse me.” You quickly blurted, gently folding the cloak and setting it down.

You rushed out, internally scolding yourself for such foolish behavior. You searched for Aragorn, wondering what possibly could’ve taken him so long. After a while, you came upon a slight clearing, the silence heavy over the bitter air.

Then, you heard it. Orc voices could be heard nearby, and you assumed Aragorn was with them. You cautiously padded through woods, making no noise as you passed. You counted twenty five orcs surrounding Aragorn, preparing yourself for battle.

Then, quicker than the wind, you dashed towards the orcs from behind and began slashing at them, taking out four within a minute. But, as fate would have it, you got caught in a fight between two particularly determined orcs. “Run!” You ordered, earning a scoff from Aragorn as he faced the majority of what was left of the group.

You took the two down, your worry for Aragorn outweighing your will to survive. Aragorn fought well, taking down the mindless creatures with a certain grace only Aragorn possessed. Just as you thought you were finished, you caught a glimpse of a blade held at Aragorn’s neck.

“Aragorn!” You shouted, cutting down whatever orcs stood in the way as you bolted for you best friend. Amidst the chaos, you were caught again as another group stole your attention. You fought hard, taking the orcs down with urgency. Luckily, however, an arrow was caught in the center of the orcs head before too much harm could be done.

You looked in the direction from where the arrow came and found Legolas standing there. You finished off the rest of the group with both of the boys’ help, panting slightly once it was over. Without hesitation you went to embrace Aragorn, quietly letting out a sigh of relief. “Please don’t do that again.”

The man returned the embrace, and you pulled him along back to the cave, grateful he was still alive.

~~~~

You sat at the campfire once more, both of your companions sound asleep a little bit away from you. You watched the flame climb the air, relishing in the warmth it provided you. Then, you remembered the cloak Legolas had given you, and you picked up the soft fabric.

You wrapped it around your shoulders and sighed, making sure to keep an eye on the entrance to the cave. You made it a point to thank Legolas for saving Aragorn, unsure of what you would’ve done if things had turned for the worse.

At the end of the day, Aragorn was alive and well, and you had another companion to get to know. Legolas saved Aragorn’s life, and that was all that really mattered to you.

Maybe the elf wasn’t so bad after all.

~~~~

ugh this SUCKED, but it’s done! i’ll probably edit it later, but i just wanted to post it.

@elvish-sky is the only person on my tag list at the moment i think?? pm me if you want to be added, otherwise i won’t remember lol 😂 hope you enjoyed it!

~~~~~

[lowkeyorloki]

phoebe anon: i survived my chaotic thursday 💯 and wowie this asis update ...was very painful and i can see where this is going 😫 not like actually whats going to happen but like i can see the opposing viewpoints loki and reader have and how that will impact the conversations they clearly need to have and... pain. i know some people are saying reader is being irrational but i absolutely understand having this reaction, i would have this reaction myself. honestly, if we’re being real here, I would probably even get angry or snap if the father of my possible child was saying things like he was in the car no matter how much i love him! i know that doing so would accomplish absolutely nothing and make things worse, but i feel like i wouldn’t be able to help it, so comparatively reader is doing great! lmao. her saying “I cant” over and over again sums it up literally so well. like loki i LOVE you but BAD TIMING ON THE BABY NAME TALK BABE 😭😭😭😭😭

what a horrible situation all around. i of course hope she’s not pregnant (considering i’m technically supposed to be the reader i guess lmao) but you’re such a great writer that i completely trust that any outcome will be fantastic. much loveeeee :D

phoebe anon <3333 so glad you got through your thursday! i think my test went well but the class i was supposed to give my presentation in was cancelled so now i have the whole weekend to overthink it! lol

i'm with you all the way. pregnancy is a life changing thing, and on top of that, she's in total panic mode. i know the way i act when i am truly in pain isn't super flattering either. and yes, loki's timing was... well it was Not Great. like i've said to a few commenters, he's absolutely entitled to any feelings about the subject, but saying everything about names to the reader while she's clearly hurting was probably not a good judgment call. personally, it would make me feel like i can't go to the one person i need for comfort. this is just situation that's impossible to be perfect in, no matter which party you are!!!!

and thank you so much 🥺 if i was a reader i would feel the same way. i'm so glad you trust me either way though, that's genuinely so sweet and makes my heart v happy ! i hope you have a good friday + weekend. treat yourself to a warm drink or something!!

[thebluelemontree]

Hiya blue lemon it's me again. Do you have any criticism in the way GRRM wrote Sansa in book1/2? EX:.Sansa and Jeyne are BFF but we amolst never see the girls talking to eachother, and when JP is sex traffikced sansa just forget about her(we could have a scene where sansa try to find what happened to JP or at least grieve for her). Every time sansa appears as a non-POV in AGOT she's been mean and whe we have her POV she's mean for no good reason(SANSA III AGOT). >PART 1<

And the worst is why GRRM wrote sansa goin to Cercei to tell her the "Ned Plans", it's just bad writing, Cercei kill lady so Sansa going to her was OOC GRRM just wrote that to we hate Sansa And in the book it's not explained what "the Ned plans" was(And it was nothing imortant at all, and would make no difference at Ned's fate) so ordinary readers blame Sansa for Ned's death and GRRM does that too in book 2 Cercei put all the blame for Ned death in sansa nd "the Ned Plans" Your thoughts?PART 2

There’s a lot to unpack here. 

I get a sense that in the early books, George was not as comfortable writing female relationships as he was writing male relationships or even male-female ones. I mean, Catelyn has no female friends, no companions like Margaery Tyrell’s cousins, no fostering wards of her own, no correspondences with other ladies except that one letter from Lysa for plot reasons. This is just weird for the lady of two major houses. It is neglectful on George’s part to give most of the important social connections to men. This doesn’t mean he was totally inept at writing female relationships, though, and it does seem like he’s tried to improve upon highlighting the positive in later books.

By comparison, the positive side of the brotherly relationships are presented so strongly that it tends to smooth over the conflicts with many readers. Jon can feel envious and resentful of Robb, but the love and loyalty is always in the foreground. The conflict between Arya, Jeyne, and Sansa does have legitimate character arc and plot purposes, so this isn’t bad writing. It’s unfortunate that GRRM presses down so hard on the constant bickering and occasional nastiness, but he did write some positives (albeit they tended to be revealed in later books) and there are understandable reasons for the dynamics. It was not done in a totally unrealistic way. What’s depicted is a typical and relatable rocky period for that age group, and there was negative adult influence at play. It’s not a permanent feature of the sisterhood. It’s all there if you pay attention and you’re inclined to be charitable toward the mistakes of young girls.       

If a reader is already predisposed to see the bonds between male characters as more pure and more able to overcome the negative aspects, then they probably also view the bonds between female characters as inherently weaker and more fraught with conflict. Fandom misogyny is not GRRM’s fault. That sector of the fandom will always have contempt for girls for being girls, especially preteen girls. They will always hone in on their faults and belittle their virtues. 

I don’t think that is true that we hardly ever see Jeyne and Sansa talking. They are nearly always in each other’s company. There was real friendship between Sansa and Jeyne, because what George does do well with them, is realistically write the way girls cement their bonds. Young girls strengthen their relationship by communicating and confiding in each other. Sharing secrets, crushes, hopes, fears, and pieces of gossip builds trust and intimacy. Jeyne and Sansa do this all the time, even though they can have different opinions and disagree about a lot.  Yes, there is some one-sidedness in that Sansa socially outranks Jeyne and believes that makes her more mature and wiser than her friend. Jeyne is dependent on her closeness to Sansa as a highborn lady and future queen to rise successfully, so she’s not going to push back on Sansa’s dominance. This is also a reason Jeyne sometimes bullies Arya to supplant her as Sansa’s “sister.” When Sansa has something to share, she goes to Jeyne to talk about it. I think it’s hilarious that the girls have a debate over which castle Gregor Clegane’s head will get spiked. Sansa wants Jeyne at her side for these new and exciting events like the tourney. When things get serious and dangerous, they comfort each other. Again, this is not all George’s fault if some readers don’t recognize or value the way girls do friendships.  

It’s stated quite clearly why Sansa tries to not think about Jeyne or her deceased family members very often. It’s fucking traumatic and her survival while among her captors depends on mentally holding herself together. 

If only she had someone to tell her what to do. She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend. The septa had lost her head with the rest, for the crime of serving House Stark. Sansa did not know what had happened to Jeyne, who had disappeared from her rooms afterward, never to be mentioned again. She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears. Once in a while, Sansa even missed her sister. By now Arya was safe back in Winterfell, dancing and sewing, playing with Bran and baby Rickon, even riding through the winter town if she liked. Sansa was allowed to go riding too, but only in the bailey, and it got boring going round in a circle all day. -- Sansa II, ACOK.

Following her father’s beheading, Sansa was in a suicidal depression for days. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t bathe, welcomed drug-induced sleep, and contemplated killing herself. If she thinks too much on those she lost, she falls to pieces. She can’t openly weep and mourn for “traitors” if her life depends on appearing to be loyal to Joffrey. Most of her grief is suppressed inside. This also includes asking too many questions she doesn’t feel psychologically prepared to hear the answer to. She was there when the decision was made to shuttle Jeyne off to Littlefinger; however, she has no idea this is going to result in Jeyne being sent to a brothel and worse. I would also keep in mind that even if she did ask, it’s not like Cersei or Littlefinger would ever tell her the truth. Why would they? Does she really want to hear lies and have to think about what the horrible truth might be when she can’t do anything about it?  When it comes to Arya, Sansa believes her sister escaped on the ship bound for home. She comforts herself with imagining that Arya is safe and free, and that’s enough to keep her going.  

And she prays and sings for Jeyne, wherever she is.

She sang for mercy, for the living and the dead alike, for Bran and Rickon and Robb, for her sister Arya and her bastard brother Jon Snow, away off on the Wall. She sang for her mother and her father, for her grandfather Lord Hoster and her uncle Edmure Tully, for her friend Jeyne Poole, for old drunken King Robert, for Septa Mordane and Ser Dontos and Jory Cassel and Maester Luwin... -- Sansa V, ACOK.

It’s only until later in the books that Sansa feels emotionally at peace enough to start remembering the good times with Arya and Jeyne without breaking down into tears. We can also see the conflicts weren’t always a thing, and the love was strong with all three.

Sansa began to make snowballs, shaping and smoothing them until they were round and white and perfect. She remembered a summer's snow in Winterfell when Arya and Bran had ambushed her as she emerged from the keep one morning. They'd each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and she'd had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she'd slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn't, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing. -- Sansa VII, ASOS.

It was most unladylike, but Alayne sound found herself laughing. For just a little while, as she ran, she forget who she was, and where, and found herself remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up. -- Alayne I, TWOW.

So it’s not even that the girls only bond through confiding. They run, play, and roughhouse with each other. It’s interesting that AGOT!Sansa tried to be so mature and proper, but now that she’s older, she’s remembering how good and freeing it was just to be a kid. But let’s not act like this part of the story is over. Jeyne is still very much alive and seems likely to run into Arya in Braavos. We can almost be 100% certain that Sansa will find out the truth about what happened to Jeyne and what Littlefinger did to her (and her parents), then watch out. Sansa will turn all that buried pain into a righteous fury at Littlefinger.  

Now as for Sansa being mean for “no reason.” Um... yeah, LOL. Sometimes she’s just a total unwarranted bitch to her sister, and it’s not meant to be a good look. Sometimes she’s superficial, insufferably immature and annoying, judgmental and prejudiced AND THAT’S OKAY. I mean, she sounds no better or worse than your average middle-schooler if they were of the privileged nobility. Guess what? Sometimes preteens are really like that. Sometimes siblings have ugly, knockdown drag out fights where they say horrible things to each other. Most will grow past those phases and still wind up just as loving and close. It’s realistic and believable. Sansa has flaws, but they aren’t deep moral flaws. She does an amazing job at growing, learning, and overcoming those flaws over the course of the books. In TWOW, she’s warm and affectionate with people, easy-going, nonjudgmental, and genuinely more mature than ever. She took the stick out of her ass and became a happier person for it. What’s the problem? What did you want her to be? Perfect? Unfailingly kind and loved by everyone all the time? She’d be a saint, not a multifaceted human being. Even with her occasional ugly side, Sansa is still a strong, smart, compassionate badass. I don’t care if some people don’t like her as she is written or if they vilify her with their misinterpretations or ignore her strengths. What bearing does that have on GRRM’s vision for her character? He never set out to write any character that the whole fandom would either unanimously love or hate.    

This is not bad writing. This NOT bad writing. This is GOOD writing.

*Sigh* Listen... this whole nonsense about Sansa being to blame for Ned’s demise has been going on since ASOIAF was written on clay tablets. You don’t have to listen to every stupid thing the fandom says about anything. It’s just factually wrong. End of story. This misinterpretation and reader inattentiveness is not GRRM’s fault, because he lays out all the details of everything that went down between Arya, Ned, and Sansa’s POV as it was happening. It’s totally understandable why an upset and frustrated Sansa would go to Cersei, the mother figure she implicitly trusts and admires. She didn’t go to Cersei to betray her father’s plans. She went to the queen to intercede in what she thought had to be some big misunderstanding, having no idea what was really going on or at stake. 

This is not OOC for her to go to Cersei after Lady’s death. The hand that killed Lady was her own father’s, a undeniable breach of trust that wounded their relationship. Ned just doesn’t really do a lot to deal with the emotional aftermath either. Ned and Sansa are very similar in turning a blind eye when confronted with unpleasantness from someone they love. Ned is also at that moment disillusioned with Robert’s failure to do the right thing after the Trident incident. He begs Robert in the name of their brotherly love and the love he bore Lyanna, and Robert turns his back on Ned anyway. Yet Ned immediately goes right back to believing in the best of Robert’s nature, despite all evidence to the contrary. Every sign points to this being a one-sided friendship with Robert being lazy, irresponsible, and completely selfish. Like father, like daughter. Sansa has a very hard time accepting that Joffrey and Cersei are not the people she thought they were, even when she’s seen some cracks. And since she can’t understand her father’s actions and the communication has been shot to hell between them, of course she runs to Cersei with her problems. Cersei can flip a switch and pretend to be kind, loving, and understanding. 

This is so typical of a teenage thought process:  “Dad just doesn’t understand and he’s making a big mistake. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. He doesn’t get how important this is to me. This will all work out if a sympathetic adult steps in and fixes it. Everything will turn out great and we’ll all be happy.” While Sansa is pouring her heart out about how it isn’t fair she can’t say goodbye to Joffrey, Cersei pretends to be that sympathetic mother figure that really understands her. How hard would it be then to pump Sansa for information? Like “Oh my sweet little dove. I know how much you love my son. Don’t worry. I’ll help you straighten this out. You said your father wants to send you away? How? When? What’s the name of that ship again?”  

And that line from Cersei’s POV is horseshit. Cersei is a liar and regularly lies in her POV to absolve herself of responsibility and force the blame entirely on others. In this case, Cersei is acting like she didn’t totally manipulate a trusting child to betray her.  We also know this is a lie because Ned was the one that told her himself of his plans to reveal the invest and remove her as queen. Sansa had nothing to do with that. All Sansa did was give Cersei information that allowed Cersei the opportunity to take her hostage before the girls could leave by ship. Cersei’s plans against Ned were already well underway. Sansa never came to her with the intent of knowingly betraying anyone, but she did have selfish reasons for going to the queen to complain in the first place. GRRM said himself that Sansa wasn’t to blame for Ned’s capture or death, but she did play a role in the events that transpired. That’s fair. All that makes her is a kid who made a not entirely innocent mistake, but a mistake nonetheless, which she immediately learned from. Does she trust Cersei or Joffrey again? Hell no.  

Relax, anon. It’s fine for her to not be nice all the time. It’s fine for her to have some realistic, garden variety flaws. It’s one of the most universal human mistakes to fall too hard and fast for the wrong person, act the fool over them despite all the red flags, only to realize you only saw what you wanted to see in them. And Sansa learned this lesson at eleven when some adults haven’t learned it at all. Relax. She’s a great, well-written, relatable character who has overcome most of these issues successfully.  

[raith-way]

Here's a question...what is the main canon characters' favourite thing about your OC? (this applies to all of your ocs ;) lol and I hope this question makes sense lol)

It totally makes sense! It's so fun to think about, and I'm going to try to keep it somewhat simple because I feel like this is the kind of question that I can make way too complicated with rambling. Thank you so much for the ask!!

Soundtrack Of The Revolution [fandom: my chemical romance & avenged sevenfold]

Tyler Raith

Matt: Easygoing nature. He loves that Tyler is so easy to be around; even when they were still strangers, he felt comfortable in her presence instead of defensive like he usually is with strangers.

Gerard: Caretaker. His favorite thing about Tyler is also the thing that worries him the most, and that's her need to take care of everyone around her and how much she genuinely loves just making sure that the people around her feel loved and cared for.

Ronnie: Fierceness. He knows that she'll fight for them and will never back down.

Taylor: Honesty. Knowing that Tyler will always tell the truth, no matter the consequences, is a comfort after spending so much time with people who only tell half-truths at best.

Things Are Getting A Little Hazy [fandom: buffy the vampire slayer]

Grace Blackburn

Angel: Stubbornness. He will never admit it, but he loves how stubborn Grace is and that she won't give up. (Especially on him.)

Spike: Forgiveness. He makes mistakes, but Grace always forgives him. Even if she yells at him and finds way to pay him back for doing idiotic things, she still forgives him.

Buffy: Bluntness. If asked outright, Grace will tell her the truth. Even if it's something that Buffy isn't ready to hear.

Faith: Dumbness. She doesn't think that Grace herself is dumb, but Grace does the most idiotic things sometimes for the right reasons.

Eliot Greenwood

Angel: Ability to adapt. Eliot can adapt to any situation, which has saved lives (including Angel's).

Spike: Everything. Not an exaggeration. Even the things about Eliot that get on Spike's nerves, like his insistence on not causing chaos, he still loves.

Buffy: Ability to listen. If Eliot has questions or concerns, he asks her directly and listens to her explain her plans and reasonings instead of just writing her off as some kid.

Faith: Ability to care. They fight and argue, but Eliot will never storm off without telling her that he cares about her first.

Memento Series [fandom: dceu / snyderverse / suicide squad]

Ryan Lopez

Bruce: Understanding. While having someone around that not only knows him but also understands him sets him on edge, it's his favorite thing about Ryan.

Rick: Anger. Every time that Rick is around Ryan, she's angry and ready for a fight which is exactly why he calls her for help.

Harley: Boldness. Ryan just does not care about the opinions of others, and Harley honestly loves that about her and for her.

Revina Revnic

Bruce: Training. Despite her grating personality and that he doesn't really like her being in the same general area as him, he respects her training and that she knows what she's doing.

Rick: Trust. At the end of the day, Rick can trust Rev. It doesn't matter what kind of situation that they're in, he can trust her to watch his back.

Harley: Friendship. She understands that Rev is kind of like her jailor, but Rev is her friend and loves her. She can talk to Rev about anything, without judgment or Rev telling her to shut up. If anything, Rev encourages her to talk more.

Kit Kelley

Bruce: Loyalty. Bruce knows that Kit takes his loyalties very seriously, and that Kit would do anything for Ryan and would never betray her. Even when Bruce doesn't agree with Kit, he still respects him.

Rick: Efficiency. Kit switches between being quietly sarcastic and a shameless flirt, but he's always efficient in his task. If Rick needs something done and needs it done right, he gives Kit a call.

Harley: Compassion. Kit cares so much, about everyone, and she loves that about him. That he can care so much about a complete stranger and will go out of his way to help anyone.

Starving Faithful [fandom: fast & furious series]

Kat Ellis

Dom: Trust. Kat's tough, has been ever since the first time they met, but she isn't afraid to let her guard down and trusts him enough to see her when she's vulnerable.

Mia: Friendship. Despite Kat being younger, they've been close friends almost from the moment that they met. Mia knows that she can call Kat at any time, and her friend will be there.

Brian: Protectiveness. Kat accepts him as family, and she protects her family and will fight for them. As someone who never had much of a family growing up, he loves that she's protective over him.

Letty: Loyalty. They don't always see eye-to-eye, but Letty knows that Kat is loyal to all of them. Letty included, even when they're currently fighting.

Jakob: Empathy. Kat always tries to understand why people do things, what they're feeling, and he loves that she never judges people and only tries to understand.

Traversing The Multiverse [fandom: marvel / mcu]

Mac Rowe

Tony: Charm. Unlike the kind of charm that he learned to put on earlier in his life, Mac is effortlessly charming without even trying. He loves seeing people after Mac has finished talking to them, because they always look a little brighter and awestruck.

Steve: Optimism. No matter what is going on, Mac can find a positive spin to put on things.

Bruce: Fearlessness. Bruce is convinced that Mac has no fear, especially since she keeps insisting on jumping at him without announcing herself.

Thor: Humor. Mac is always laughing, always eager to listen to his stories and laugh with him. She also enjoys helping him find things to laugh over.

Bucky: Kindness. After what he's been through, he still isn't used to someone being so endlessly kind. Mac goes out of her way to make him feel both comfortable and like he belongs.

Kenzie Rowe

Tony: Sass. Even when she sounds bubbly, she's sassing people left and right. His favorite hobby is sitting back and watching Kenzie confuse people by destroying them with cutting words in a cheerful tone.

Steve: Honesty. Kenzie never holds back on her thoughts, even if what she is saying isn't what anyone wants to hear.

Bruce: Stubbornness. She won't back down, from a fight or from a conversation. She's told him more than once that she's going to love and accept him until he learns to do it for himself.

Thor: Fighting spirit. Kenzie is fierce and glorious in battle, whether it involves fists or words. She has the true spirit of a warrior.

Bucky: Patience. Sometimes Kenzie will sit in a room with him for hours without saying anything, until he's ready to speak. She never rushes him or pushes him.

Jamie Barnes

Tony: Intelligence. She's in a new universe, and it isn't slowing her down. Jamie is smart and soaks up knowledge like a sponge, and he loves when she comes to him with questions because he knows that she's going to listen to him and keep asking questions until she understands.

Steve: Bravery. Jamie admits when she's afraid, but she doesn't let her fear stop her from doing what she believes is the right thing.

Bruce: Sincerity. He never doubts her words or intentions, because Jamie is always genuine. He finds her presence extremely relaxing.

Thor: Endurance. He knows that Jamie has suffered trials and tragedy, but she continues to live and to fight. Thor respects her, both on and off the battlefield.

Bucky: Survival. Looking at Jamie is like looking in a mirror for him. His favorite thing about Jamie is that she was able to survive what happened to her, and it gives him hope that he can too.

[icharchivist]

Thank you for answering the previous asks and hope you're prepared!

How much, out of ten, are you of each winter troupe member?

Have a good day :3c

ahah thank you for doing that all the way!

and oh boy i thought i was prepared but turns out-

okay notewise.:

Tsumugi: 7/10, Tasuku: 3/10, Homare: 4/10 Hisoka: 9.5/10, Azuma: 10/10, Guy: 6/10

(if you're supprised Azuma is actually my ultimate kin and it's not Hisoka: congratz i fooled all of u. the only reason i don't have an Azuma icon is that i genuinely think he looks too sexy in some arts and it doesn't feel Me despite everything else. The more u know.)

And. i need to warn that i went much more into personal details for Hisoka and Azuma under the cut to the point where it may be overwhelming. And that Azuma's entry alone is 2.1k words long. What the fuck me.

Relating to team "we have so much trauma" is going to be so much fun.

coughs, anyway take care :3c

(Links: Spring, Summer, Autumn , Winter ranking)

Winter my beloved, this is going to be a normal, non emotional ranking at all.

Tsumugi: 7/10 I relate to his lack of confidence, and the way he gave up on everything he loved when his spirit was crushed (re what I was talking about with my Kumon rant). On my down time I did study a bit of psychology and though I wouldn’t put myself at the same level as a psy student I’m often told I read people mostly in an accurate way so I can relate to that. I can use my powers for Evil like nudging people in some direction or knowing where to attack, but I am super aware of that and I’ve been extra conscious about not having it happen again for over ten years now DLKFJDLF (Azuma is kinda like that too). But yeah the fact he is like that too makes it relatable.

I also think that the whole “feeling you fucked up and took all the responsibility when a friendship broke apart” is also something very relatable. So is “ghosting your friends after that”. I relate to the fact he’s a nerd too. I relate to him more than not but I guess I just removed points because of how while I relate to specificities the whole thing doesn’t connect as much as it could?

Tasuku: 3/10 he’s probably the one I relate the least to. I honestly didn’t understand Tasuku much until Nocturnality on my first read, and it’s only then that things clicked. Legit I saw him the way Azuma saw him dLKFJDKFJDF. But I do feel it relatable that he feels responsible for failing his friend and that he took it upon himself to try to read more into how people are behaving to try to prevent it from happening again. But else he’s. genuinely not like me KDJFKLDFJDFL

Homare: 4/10 mhmm. I think I relate to the way he is passionate and how much he genuinely loves. I also relate to the fact he is pretty analytic, though the details of what makes his struggles are not something I relate to easily. I have felt broken before, I was told i was broken or unfit in some ways, so this particular pain is something I completely understand. I also did use to be an artist and a writer so I can relate to that passion of his, although as I mentioned in others ranking *shrugs*. That said he’s very much more exuberant and confident than I am and I would assume I know how to deal with people emotionally a bit more.

Hisoka: 9.5/10 oh boy where to start. This is going to be a tough one to get into without getting extremely personal. To start with, I’m a sleepy baby. I sleep a lot DLKJFDF though not much at night. I used to fall asleep in class all the time my friends had to always be on the watch out for me. I don’t have much energies. I love plushy and I love being comfortable in some places. I also really love sweets tho not as much as him. I also do care ways too much for my specific plushies and pillows (I do have huge penguins plushies too).

I, too, have memories issues, though of course to a lesser extend. I have a lot of trauma and for a lot of them I ended up getting fuzzy memories. I used to be in a pretty toxic environment where I constantly had to make use of my memory to survive, and so when my memory started failing me, I was terrified. My parents gaslight me all the time and pretends a lot of things that happened didn’t happen and that I’m crazy for believing it happened, so the moment my memory started to fail me I started to panic a lot. It terrified me to not being completely sure whenever I could trust myself or not. It made me feel extremely unreliable. It’s still something I struggle with a lot.

This would have been my answer pre-awakening moon at least. I always related to him to some degree so Awakening moon was a slap in the face in a way I wasn’t ready to deal with, and this is where I have to be uncomfortably personal.

I am the youngest sibling of 3. My eldest sister ran away from home when I was 6, never to be seen again. My other sister resented me because I used to be very close to the eldest and she was jealous about it, and while the reasons were linked to our parents, who were extremely toxic to us and kept us into this toxic environment for years on end, my sister took all her anger out on me. While we’ve discussed it as adults now, our relationships is too strained to fix it nowadays.

It took me a long while – it took me Azuma’s arc actually – to realize that the way I feel for my eldest sister is more akin to grief than to abandon. I don’t even remember her. I don’t remember her and still apparently the way I was close to her was the reason my sibling hold it against me. I couldn’t even remember *why* my sister was mad at me because I don’t even remember being close to my sister that much. All I know is that she left because the situation at home was too toxic. It was.. so messy.

I have. Much more trauma linked to that specifically but that’s the root of something that hit me in the face with Hisoka’s arc. Because I can’t remember a person that disappeared from my life, and yet it was enough for it to break and shape everything I’ve lived through since. I couldn’t even start to talk about how it still impacts me now 20 years later. I’m just now making peace with the fact this was grief. This is the gist of the reason Hisoka’s arc hit me as hard as it did (and the fact that Chikage is actively undoing all the bad things his own grief pushed him to do on Hisoka is the reason Chikage is so compelling to me. My sister could never lol.).

I felt also that I had to take all the responsibilities for what happened. I felt like I could make things easier for the family after this trauma, at the rip age of 7, and no one stopped to think maybe a child shouldn’t have to be dealing with a collective family trauma like this. But well. Here we are.

I relate to the fact Hisoka also struggles to accept everything that happened. And that now he’s trying to make things better for others people he can relate to. It’s so… complicated.

Also I can’t forget the fact Hisoka tried to kill himself and :/ as someone who has had a lot of suicidal idealization in my life this really hit a lot harder than it should have.

In general I would just say that socially I’m not really like him except with people I’m comfortable with teasing. Hisoka can be a little too rude and it’s where I can’t relate lol. But otherwise man I care him so much I feel so seen. I’m just removing 0.5 points for that and I don’t give him full mark because of what I’ll explain next.

Azuma: 10/10 This one is going to be a trip. It’s about twice the length of the Hisoka’s rant. Mister took me by the throat too. As I think it’s clear now I cannot relate to the fact he genuinely loved his family and how much his family cared for him. Yet I relate… to about everything else.

On the surface I do think I seem more approachable and easy to talk with. I try to be the kindest person I can be, to not be judgmental. I’m conflict avoidant, just like he can be, and if I’m annoyed with someone I’m muuuuch more likely to use passive aggressiveness like he does with Tasuku when he’s pissed at him. (sidenote: I do find it funny that Tasuku was the only character I really felt I didn’t get until Nocturnality, while Azuma was having the exact same problem, and then he became one of my fav the moment it clicked. Azuma is my braincell.)

More often than not, there’s a smile on my face and I try to be soft in the way I can be. I’m generally pretty calm, I’ve been told I was soothing, or give good hugs, this sort of stuff.

Now onto the heavy stuff.

I have a lot of nightmares and night terrors linked to a lot of my traumas. I’m honestly scared sometimes to go to sleep ^^”. But in general, if Hisoka reflects a lot of a personal trauma and how it would personally affect me, Azuma reflects a lot on how I would behave with others people in general and especially when I’m unwell. I’ve coped most of my life with, everything that happened to me, by just. Trying to keep people at armlength. I don’t want to let people close to me, especially irl. Discussing all of that online gives me a distance that allows me to discuss it but, I remember in high school I was going through very bad things, and a few years later I was hanging out with a friend and I happened to open up about those things. And she was going livid because, she had known me for what, 6 years at that point? And she never knew any of this. We talked a lot then, we were close, but she never knew all those things about me until years later. It kinda scared her because to her I was always a sweet and cheerful person and she never expected that I was doing this badly. I remember then she brought up something we discussed back in a party with many of our others friends from high school and similarly they were all. “how did we never know any of this.”. Seeing Azuma in Nocturnality kinda brought me back to that convo tbh LKDJFLKDFJFD.

But I’m good at pretending I’m closer to people than they think. I’m an excellent listener. A lot of my friends tended to rely on me as the person they could talk about their problems to. I used to do it much more back then but I also used to pour a lot of energy trying to make it easier for people, solving their problems. Full on Therapist Friend:tm:. It does help that, as I said with Tsumu, I have basis in psychology so sometimes some observations I can make help much more than expected. Just like Azu tbh lol.

Oh also I am cuddly with my friends in general. I’m super touch starved but also to the point I feel uncomfortable to seek hugs because I just don’t get any on a normal basis and my body isn’t used, but I’m super cuddly and when I’m with my closest friends I’m like a koala.

And it gives people the impression to people that I’m very close to them because I know them well, and I know the ins and outs of why they behave the way they do. But. I kinda feel like it’s one sided more than not. And it’s all because of me, because I keep my walls up very high and it means people don’t generally expect that I’m hiding things.

I’m good at distracting too. I don’t relate to how flirty Azuma is but I keep seeing it as him distracting others. It’s flattering, and just embarrassing enough that the person ends up dropping whatever they may be pressing on Azuma to talk about. And, while not with flirting, I do that a lot, especially using compliments like that. (That said my kindness or teasing has been misinterpreted as flirting before DLKFJDLKF I’m trying to be extra conscious about not having that misunderstanding happen nowadays but man it happened a lot).

Azuma knows a lot of people, and has been supporting a lot of people, but he doesn’t let people in as much.

And a lot of it is linked to his own sense of grief. Of the fact he has lost so much he can’t afford to go through the pain of losing something again, so he distances himself from it before it can hurt. And I do that a lot.

I mentioned in the previous rant but it’s seeing Azuma’s arc that made me understand how much it’s more grief than abandon that makes it so hard for me to move on. And a part of me kinda just. Grieves the family I could never have, the normal life I wish I could have lived and clang too all of my life. When Azuma told Guy “I was always so lonely. Everyone had families they could take for granted but I had no one.” Oh my god it destroyed me. And how he mentions just afterward that while he has new people to rely on, it couldn’t change the fact he was still feeling this pain of losing his family and it just. Man. Might be crying right now.

It’s like… I think the reason I especially related to that is that, in therapy I’ve often discussed my problems in the lenses of neglect and abandon but the problem with that lenses is that, at least with the therapists I had, they tend to focus on the fact that therefore I /must/ be still yearning for them to change and turn around, like I could change something. But I don’t. I was resigned at some point. And it’s really only when I read that that I felt this exact resignation I have been feeling all that time. I think I mentioned once how reading a3 felt like going one step toward recovery I didn’t know I could get and this was exactly the scene I meant. It legit took a weight off my heart that i've been carrying for decades. It was the strangest feeling in the world.

Anyway more in general too, on top of keeping people at distance, I am also a pro at “suddenly disappearing/ghosting when I get too close and/or have a relapse”. When Azuma starts to pull his relapses like we see in Nocturnality, I see myself. Legit had a friend who read a3 who called me out about that DLKJFDKLFJ. Acting weird like this, closing yourself in like this, coming back to some harmful coping mechanism as a way to connect back with your own self, those are all things I do. And it sucks. Like. The things I put my friends though sucks. But I really can’t help it sometimes.

I’m good at listening and observing, I’m generally good at picking up why people act a certain way, but I’m still very distant. I do everything I can to pretend I’m not distant and generally it fakes an idea of intimacy that I don’t specifically see as such.

And I see all of that in Azuma in ways that are terrifyingly relatable. Another thing Azuma says in this convo with Guy, about how “Everytime I would go to sleep, I would wish the morning would never come” me. Mood. Holy shit. Feel seen. I hate it. Just in general though the way he talks about morning as this terrifying thing is me. Between the night terrors and the fact morning genuinely makes me feel horrible, that’s kinda why I end up oversleeping until the afternoon DLKFJDF Azuma my lord I feel you.

Because of my nightly panic attacks I do try to come up with ways around it mainly by drinking some relaxing tisanes and stuff. Oh and I did have a huge period in life where I HATED being in the sun, and I fucked over all of my melanin because of that. as a kid I would tan very easily, but now the sun hates me as much as I used to hate it. So when Azuma is a drama queen about not wanting to stay in the UV too much I’m just like. How dare you pull out a mirror on me I didn’t ask for this. (also I have been called a vampire by people esp when I was a teen but that’s just how people called edgelords like me. Still. Reo my beloved.)

There is honestly so many little things with Azuma that reminds me of myself like this that it makes me go nuts. If Hisoka is who I relate to in term of specific trauma and how I cope personally, Azuma is more like, the direct physical impact of my trauma on me and the way it makes me relate to others people, as well as just every little behaviors here and there that are just so specific.

One of the only thing I really don’t relate to Azuma about is his love for Alcohol but I think if you replace it with like, my addiction to juice it works out the same.

Oh and, that’s a stupid but funny thing to me, I project hard on how much the reason he keeps his hair long is a form of mental stability for him, because I legit keep my hair long for my own mental stability. I have tied ways too much of my recovery process to my hair that when I see Azuma coping with grief with his hairstyle and how almost cutting it would be him spiraling down, I felt seen.

also i have 0 stamina just like him.

ANOTHER THING is also the fact Azuma is genuinely yearning for connections with people but he spent so much of his life keeping people away that as much as he’s yearning for it, it takes him so long to be able to lower those walls because he’s been so used to keep people away that he can’t reply to this yearning. And the way how, once he actually ends up feeling this bit of vulnerability toward people, he would suddenly shut in like it suddenly scares him? Mood.

One last thing (i promise) (i think) is that, if it wasn't obvious from all my ranting.... So much of myself and the way i view myself is defined by my trauma. I struggle to exactly come to term with my identity in any shape or form that isn't deeply related to my trauma. Even if you asked me what my sexuality is (please don't), my actual answer would be completely shaped by the fact i have so much trauma linked to sexuality, romance and gender, that i don't want to process it at all and can't actually manage to "fit the boxes" because i cannot see myself as something else than my trauma, or explain my feelings without linking it to my trauma. Honestly at times i find it kinda cringeworthy from me because i really, really can't tell about anything about my identity without thinking of my various traumas (i talked about a few of them in those rankings but it's not even the tip of the iceberg for a lot of stuff.) And when i see the way Azuma is in particular, maybe i'm projecting, but i feel like a lot of it is the same. Like not processing his age because if he does it reminds him of how he outlived those he loved (which is an headcanon but com'on.) or how even his hair is linked to his trauma. Or how he doesn't drive because it's linked to his trauma. I feel SO seen.

If it wasn’t for the fact he genuinely loved and was loved by his family, I would have felt exactly the same about everything regarding him.

But I still give him a full mark because the way Azuma’s arc has affected me is beyond any possible words I could use. And also because I legit wrote above 2100 words just on how much I related to Azuma ALONE. Even Hisoka took me 800 WORDS. HELLO. Guy: 6/10 Back to general coping here, Guy isn’t exactly relatable to me except in well. For exemple the ways the others relate to him, especially Hisoka and Azuma. So his memory loss to cope with intense family trauma is relatable to me, the way he can have nightmares and night terrors is also hella relatable to me.

But something that’s more Guy that I relate to is the whole “Step dad kept talking down on him and verbally abusing him until Guy basically completely closed himself in” because man. I won’t elaborate but I’ve really felt from reading that verbal abuse the same way I felt thinking back to how my ex-step dad used to talk to me. It made me so angry on his behalf. And the way he internalized it to cope was something deeply relatable.

Another thing with Guy is the fact that Guy did genuinely believes himself inhuman and tbh there was a time when I was very young where I would catch myself unable to feel a bit of humanity mostly from how I kept shutting myself in. (The reason I don’t relate to it with Homare is that this “inhumanity” was never actually there even if Homare did believe in it. But for Guy he went the extra mile convincing himself to the point where he denied this humanity as far as possible in a self destructive way and :/).

SO YEAH Winter is like. Therapy for me. The problem with “Trauma: The Troupe” is that saying “I relate to the Winter troupe” means “I may have problems and so what.” And it sucks.

if you read that wordvomit, congratulation, was it worth it?

Take care!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #401

“my love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses”

Do you typically do your makeup the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? IF I wear makeup, it's essentially always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Yesterday with Mom. We were trying to find the best deal on Eco Earth, a substrate we're getting for Venus. What was the last really good book you read, and what was it about? If we're talking REALLY good book, then The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. In short summary, it's a dystopian future novel where women are now basically just objects used only for repopulation, even having their names stripped from them. They follow very strict rules as society has returned to horrible misogyny. As a woman, the "oh my god, this is possible" aspect of it is terrifying, and it causes such a sense of disgust and urge to ensure women rights always continue to be fought for. Do you feel safe in your country? For the most part, I'd say. I guess. There are places I'd feel safer, though. How many meals do you eat a day? Three. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I was supposed to my senior year in high school; the seniors at my dance studio were always welcome to do a solo in celebration. Mine was a modern dance to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, wanting to tell a story about depression and how being medicated could feel, but I eventually decided like halfway through learning the choreography that I was just too nervous to do a solo. Have you ever sung a solo? No. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Do you own a designer purse? Definitely not. I'm not wasting that much money on something like that. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Apparently, Jason and I had a baby in high school even though I was obviously never pregnant. To my knowledge, it was started by his ex. Who is now a good friend of mine lmaooo. Life is funny. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? Pokemon, of course. Would you ever have an affair? Nope. Would you ever have a one night stand? Nope. Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol in that driving under the influence is illegal and punishable, and I believe you should be of a certain age. How about abortion? I am pro-choice. I was pro-life most of my own life, but now I am very firm about a mother being able to choose if she wants to endure a pregnancy or not. Like, that is a MASSIVE life event that almost inevitably changes - and sometimes traumatizes - people. I do believe a fetus is its own body and not part of the mother's, but rather in the mother's, but the belief that a woman decides what she wants in her body is her choice, too. I'm not very fond of people treating abortion as a simple, regular form of birth control, like it's nothing but an "lol whoops," but I still believe it is ultimately her decision, and she should always be free of judgment for doing what is best for her. Do you wear skirts or dresses more often? Neither. I wouldn't dare wear a skirt more so, though. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? There should always be an expected minimum, imo, unless the person was truly, sincerely, genuinely fucking awful. Waiters do not have an easy job, fight me about it, and they're just trying to survive while putting on a happy, jovial face, all the while dealing with hungry people who can be such assholes. I believe the actual tip should relate to actual service, but again, give them something. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? One, absolutely. The other would take a shitload of consideration and proper communication on his part. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No, because I don't like coffee. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? IF I had a job, I'd like to build a friendship with those I have to engage with almost every day. What is something you frequently forget? Dates, ages, names, what I was about to do five seconds before I forgot... Pretty much everything. My memory is frightfully poor. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In my bed. Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Both; my parents split when I was somewhere around 17, though, but I'd say there wasn't much more "raising" to do at that age. Have you ever stolen anything? If so, why? No. Have you ever plagiarized someone else's work? Hell no. What's your most-used mode of transportation? My mom's car. Have you ever taught someone else a useful skill? Not to my recollection. Does seeing everyone else's 'perfect lives' posted on social media ever bring you down or affect how you feel about yourself? It actually does, honestly. Not ALWAYS, but if I'm being honest, it does most of the time. I've contemplated deleting Facebook for that reason, but with is also comes things that make me happy, and I think I'd feel even more isolated without it. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? This is SO impossible for me to answer. I loooove Hostess and Little Debbie treats. I want to say honeybuns, but I also love those chocolate cupcakes with the white swirls on top, as well as Twinkies. Very few exist that I don't like. Do you/your family buy loafs from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? We just buy bagged bread. What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? My APAP mask is definitively WORKING!!!!! :') Mom got an app that connects to the machine via Bluetooth that monitors the effectiveness of the mask, evaluating many factors of your sleep, and it's detecting a definite decrease in disruptive behaviors or something like that. It is so, SO encouraging to know that. ^And, the worst? Hm. Oh, probably some news on something serious a good friend is going through, but I don't feel it's my right to disclose what. It's just a very worrying and potentially dangerous issue that I wish I could help her with. Would you rather receive (or give) flowers, chocolates or jewelry? I'd appreciate any, but my fat ass is drawn to the chocolate, ha ha. What *I* would give would vary depending on what the person liked. How do you feel about coconut? Smells lovely, but is otherwise gross. ^ Ever cracked one open? No, but omg I've always wanted to, haha. What’s the best thing about being your gender? I guess the fact it's more "normal" and "accepted" to show our emotions. Fuck that generalization, though. I don't give a shit what your gender is, you experiencing emotions is NORMAL and welcomed to be expressed. ^ And the worst thing? The ability to be raped and impregnated by it. Do you do your part to save the earth? I don't do nearly enough. :/ We recycle, but that's about it. Well, none of us DARE to litter either, but I still don't feel like it's as much as the earth deserves from its denizens. Who do you think should have their portrait on a bill? I don't know or care. Why did you last feel exhausted? Yesterday was my niece's birthday, and I spent essentially ALL day playing with her and her brother. I have a very limited battery when it comes to kids, and I was running on empty for hours. My anxiety was SO high and I really needed a break from them, but they're too young to really understand that Aunt Britt can only socially run for so long before I'm completely burnt out, and TRUST ME, I was there for sure. I didn't want them to think they did something wrong, you know? I just had to keep going. I slept like a baby last night though for sure, haha. Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? Wow, no. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? No. Who did you last worry about and why? Sara for health reasons. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? Not actively, but Mom and I definitely want to move. We feel very out-of-place here in the suburbs. Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea? Mountains. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Yes. I canNOT play games with a trackpad. Do you apologize a lot? Extremely excessively. When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? In that case, probably the venue. Being a photography buff, I want a place I think is really pretty to have pictures taken. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting, my weight, and being hot. Do you have anything planned for the summer? Nope, and that's fine with me. I'd rather stay inside away from the heat. Who usually makes dinner in your household? My ma. Do you have a blog? Just on Tumblr. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mother does because of gerd, and at least when my father still lived with us, he snored super loud, too. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah, a few people. What shows do you watch? Right now, only Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Whenever The Edge of Sleep comes out, I will 110% be watching that, too, because Mark is a key actor in it. :') Plus the concept seems super cool. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Me mum. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone specific? No, given it has like... one lyric, haha. Do you own any TV show soundtracks? No. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? I mean I guess sign myself in at the doctor's. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? Oh my god, there's a candid one I got of Mom laughing when she was posing as my subject for a photography assignment, and I cherish it with ALL my heart. I want to share it with essentially the whole world, but yeah, I'm not gonna put my mom's picture here. As for my dad, I like this one I took of us at Red Lobster for his birthday a year or two back. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. Favorite flavor of cream cheese? Regular. What US state would you like to visit? Alaska. Last meal you made yourself? I put a chicken pesto thing in the microwave earlier for dinner.