#i told u it was just gonna be scout getting her to do dumb shit
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scoutwhitmore · 5 years ago
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"the thing about cliff jumping is...that it rules. like, i don’t know what else to say, it’s just awesome. look at this and tell me it doesn’t look awesome.” scout turned her phone toward lara to show her a picture, her eyes widening for effect. “all you gotta do is take a deep breath, close your eyes, and...” she made a descending arc in the air with her finger and whistled lowly as it moved before nudging lara a few times. “come on, do it with me. you know you want too.” [ @hrhlara​ ]
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jasontoddsjuicythighs · 5 years ago
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i finished crooked kingdom yesterday and here are some Thoughts ™️: 
matthias deserved better
i’m so pissed
the book was great but
fuck
my child
ughhhh
i’m so frustrated
especially about how he died???
it wasn’t protecting his friends or in a battle or anything
it was just
his past
i’m emotional
@lbardugo why
moving on
(actually i’m never gonna recover from this)
the angst!!!! the fluff!!!
angst w matthias’ death, obvi
but also wylan!!!
his father legit tried to kill him and i’m getting mad todoroki touya vibes from him
i mean??? the mom is literally in a mental hospital???
he leaves home and joins a gang of thieves and murderers???
it’s all connected
anyway
the wesper
“maybe i missed your stupid face” crying in the club rn
when they were at the hospital w wylan's mom
jesper kissing kuwei was something i saw coming but still didn’t like
but he stays with wylan in ketterdam!!
and wylan trusts him with money!!!
and accepts jesper's grisha powers!!!
and he reconciles with his father!!!!!
(can u tell i love jesper??)
kaz forgave him i’m so happy
“tell jesper he’s missed around the slat”
speaking of the devil
his development???
getting close to inej??
holding her hand???
i’m telling you i screamed
I LEGIT SCREAMED
when he and jes are arguing and he calls him jordie
ouch
also his and nina’s friendship never fails to make me smile
it’s so weird but i love it
inej and jesper’s friendship!!!
they came up with “scheming face”!!
icons
but honestly kanej killed me
kaz changed her bandages!!!
and found her parents!!!
and inej promised to cut out pekka’s heart!!
for him!!
and he was so worried for her when she was in sweet reef!!
and she didn’t let him scout van eck’s house with her bc she knew he needed to rest!!!!
i-
kaz beating up a gang by himself, dead tired and with a limp >>>> any other piece of mob-related literature in history
matthias, jesper and kuwei were so funny at the graveyard lmao
“ghosts!!” – the dime lions
nina’s power was
whew
and the way @lbardugo described her withdrawl??
when she raised the dead to fight the dime lions and then saved inej??
when she controlled the bones at the tavern??
mere days after taking a drug that almost killed her and still suffering from withdrawl???
whoever says she isn’t strong is clearly insane
when matthias died and she held his body :((((
i cried
my poor children didn’t deserve this
(she says about people older than her)
the cave scene!!!!!
tears. so many tears.
matthias went through so much character development and was ready to go to ravka with her
and was starting to unlearn all his racist beliefs
and boom
dead
i’m diving into fanfiction after this
kuwei is such a little shit i love him
still mad he kissed jesper though
the ravkans!!!!
zoya!!!
genya!!!!
NIKOLAI!!
leigh: “strumhond-”
me: *screaming*
i love how he basically told kaz who he was minutes after meeting him
it was interesting seeing the dregs and the ravkans in one room
the ravkans may be some of the most powerful people in the world
but the dregs are literal thieves and cool-blooded murderers
it was an interesting contrast
when the council of tides appeared in public for the first time in 25 years to threaten a teenage gang boss and he went “fuck u but u can’t stop me from doing what i want”
legend
jan van eck got what he deserved (finally!!)
his face when wylan was "reading" was priceless
he was a colossal twat, i'm glad he's out of the picture
i kinda liked alys
she was a bit dumb
but lovable
colm fahey was amazing
we did not deserve him
i think that’s about it
i’m off to read kos
byeee
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kmcarras · 4 years ago
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Excuse a little thing !!! Could you make a mini summary of what happened before eddie came to the forest to surprise 🤭. Like how beverly convinced eddie to go, where eddie was or how richie planned everything, confessing it to his friends ... You understand me?? 🤔 Thank you!! one of the best fan arts of richie and eddie 🤗🤗❤️ (you don't need to draw it) or I leave you free to do whatever you want 😉
yes for sure!! there are certain things i don’t want to get into too specifically bc i would like to extend this au into a fic, and some of that would be covered there, as well as certain things may get revealed in the storyboard, but i’ll give u a summary of things that aren’t too incredibly spoilery, many of which i’ve told folks in livestreams already on IG etc.
beverly has had her eye on eddie for awhile. she feels a special bond with him due to circumstances that i can’t explain without spoiling the fic too much, but she essentially knows things about him that she shouldn’t know and therefore empathized with him in a way that he is honestly creeped out by. he is convinced that she is being a stalker or at the very least up to no good, and he is struggling with bullying at school, so he doesn’t assume positive intent and does not trust her. after her struggling with him getting to open up to her and that going nowhere, she decides to try from a different angle. she targets richie instead, figuring she can play matchmaker. both richie and eddie have some misogynistic tendencies that are irritating to her, but she muscles through because she still cares about them. richie also doesn’t really trust bev at this point, but he at least acknowledges her in insults and teasing and calls her molly ringwald vs eddie who just tries to shut her down. she ropes ben in bc she feels like he can be trusted, she has figured out he will do just about anything for her, and richie will see ben as less of a threat to open up to vs someone like bill or stan where there are too many years of history of friendship on the line. she and ben meet up with richie to form a plan. (also she is able to be there even tho she’s not living there bc her school doesn’t have summer vacation but has long breaks during the school year instead so her aunt is cool and takes her to derry to see her friends.) they plan for richie to ask eddie to the dance in the woods, but he keeps fucking it up trying to ask, and it’s because he’s so nervous because eddie is clearly in a downer mood. a lot is going on with eddie. he is being bullied at school. his birthday just came and went and he normally gets a vhs from his dad posthumously each year, and that didn’t happen this year. he’s just having a really hard time. so the little team has to pivot. bev tells ben “ok plan b, u guys gotta tell everyone to go stag. that way eddie will get all dressed up to go, and i’ll do the heavy lifting of getting him to actually come out to the woods. you guys just gotta ASK him since i’m not at your school right now.” and so at lunch time, richie is supposed to ask while he’s at the group’s lunch table, but he’s too chicken shit bc he just witnessed eddie getting bullied before they sat down to eat and he knows how upset eddie is. so ben stops making eyebrows at richie to do it and jumps in and saves the day. he tells everyone what they should do. stan is like “... ehhhh. i guess, if we all go...” and bill is in, and ben is in, and eddie is silent. and eddie is like “i’m not really in the mood for going to a dance.” and ben is shooting darts at richie like “FUCKIN SAY SOMETHING!!” and richie stops choking and says “i’m gonna go! come on, we will all go together. this is my first dance too; we should have our first dance be together.” and eddie is like “...ok” and is a little hopeful about it. but everyone agrees it’s dumb bc it’s the sadie hawkins dance, but they do it anyway. so eddie, the more he thinks about it, the more he starts to get excited about it. he picks himself out an outfit that he’s really excited about and he’s starting to have optimistic expectations. and then his mom “accidentally” shrinks ALL of his formal wear at the dry cleaners. “oh no eddie bear, guess u can’t go.” and all eddie is left with that sort of resembles formal wear is his old boy scouts uniform. so he dons that, takes off the vest, and pairs it with some suspenders bc go figure all his bow ties and ties are gone too. so yeah, they really are short shorts. then he sneaks out his window and shows up to the dance, where stan immediately snorts at his appearance. ok so, bill and bev are dancing (not stag). mike doesnt go to the school and doesn’t have a date to bring him there like bev did, so he’s not there. and ben and richie are MIA. so it’s just stan and eddie in a corner. and eddies like “where is everyone?!” and stan is like “WHAT AM I CHOPPED LIVER?!” >>>
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skia-oura · 5 years ago
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Closing Costs
A/N: Just a fun lil fic about the Ben Trio going house hunting :)
ao3
___________________________________________________
CORDALINE GABLES
Senior Sales Associate
Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging
 Originally from Fairfax, Old Jersey, Cordaline Gables made her home in Norfolk over a decade ago, and has worked in real estate for nineteen years. She double-majored in Business and Transcendence-Age Architecture at the prestigious University of San Antonio. Her expertise is in finding gems hidden in the crooks and corners of suburban Norfolk, but she is additionally skilled at scouting lovely apartments and homes further away from the city center. When she isn’t matching clients to their dream homes, Cordelia enjoys playing recreational badminton with her partner and taking long walks together with their beloved dog, Sniffles. Please place your trust in Cordelia!
Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment
 -
 New Automated Message: New Customer Application Form
NAME: Torako Lam
PARTNER: Yes [2] ; NAME: Bentley Farkas ; NAME: Tyrone Pines
CHILDREN: No
AGE: 27 ; DOB: June 17 3016
PHONE  EMAIL
PRICE RANGE: Up to $350,000  flexible inflexible
LOCATION: Within [75]km from [Niklakka Labs]
SIZE: 450—600 m2
BD: [3+]        
BTH: [1.5+]    
K: [Yes]          
LR: [No]
GRG: [No]
BY/GDN: [Yes]          
à SIZE: 125—175 m2
ADDITIONAL REQUESTS HERE:
--No dimensional subspaces
--Away from magically-charged hotspots
--Customizable Security Systems
--Garden Shed on premises, please
--Large Windows a Plus
Thank you for accommodating us! We look forward to hearing back about the properties under your purview and making our viewing appointments!
 -
SUBJECT: Hello from Homestar Realtors!!
RECEIVED: July 19th, 3042
 Dear Torako Lam,
           It’s a pleasure to make your virtual acquaintance! My name is Cordelia Gables, and I’m your HomeStar Inc. appointed estate agent. I look forward to working with you and fulfilling your needs in this new chapter of your life. I have attached a list of five properties that I think may fit your needs. Please view them with your partners and let me know if there are any that don’t fit your specifications so that we may get them out of the way before viewing the homes in person. I await your reply at your earliest convenience!
 Sincerely,
Cordelia Gables
HomeStar Inc. Realtors
 House Profile 1/5:
1345 16th Avenue
Norfolk, VA 68C 22980
4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  529 m2  | $298,000
[49 img]
 A lovely four-bedroom family home, this property includes high-quality faux-wood flooring, recently renovated wallboard, and a lovely spiral staircase straight out of a 2500’s property magazine. The kitchen boasts a brand-new stove and oven set as well as a state of the art StayFridge™ made from the finest recycled materials from North Africa. The front garden is already blooming with the loveliest daphnes, and the entire property is fenced in by rosebushes. The backyard is perfect for the smallest feet, whether those be of children or beloved pets. Don’t forget the stylish and practical EverExpanding Cabinetry installed in every part of the house—you will never run out of storage space! Each bathroom boasts a shower-tub combo, and the upper floor bathroom comes with gorgeous hand-tiled floors.
House Profile 2/5:
195 St. Phillip’s Crtwy.
Norfolk, VA 68C 22980
3 Beds  | 3 Bath  |  501 m2  |  $311,000
[12 img]
 This three-bedroom, three-story property sits in the center of the city, a mere five-minute’s walk from two elementary schools and ten minutes from the nearest junior high school. While the original structure dates back all the way to 2258, its most recent renovation was completed less than five years ago in 3039. You are certain to love the open kitchen-dining-living room setup that comprises the bottom floor, leaving the remaining three beds and two baths on the upper two floors. Each bedroom has a Magical View Window, with settings that include worldwide destinations as well as the default ‘Real’ setting for those who prefer to stay close to home. Comes with a Laundry Room in an AltBasement. Gardening space and shed included.
 House Profile 3/5:
98 Summer Estates 29¾ th St.
Norfolk, VA 68C 22981
5 Beds  | 2.5 Bath  |  598 m2  | $253,000
[28 img]
             Don’t let this house’s exterior fool you! This customizable and generous home is sure to make you feel a sense of belonging inside with its cozy ethically-sourced carpets, warm ReelWoodTM paneled walls, and burnished staircase leading to a second floor. This home includes a basement for any storage needs as well as an attic! An antique kitchen with a real non-stasis fridge are sure to fill you with longing for older, simpler times away from the busy heyday of modern life and modern worries. While the garden needs some tender love in the front (perfect for those who love a project!), the back hosts two sheds and plenty of space to grow your own produce!
 House Profile 4/5:
637 S. Felicity Dr.
Norfolk, VA 68C 22982
4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  645 m2  | $290,000
[118 img]
             Comfortably situated in the hilly outskirts of Norfolk, this property will let you live out all your rural life fantasies without sacrificing the conveniences of urban living. Located close to a municipal transport station and within a ten minute’s bike ride of a small neighborhood shopping center, this two-story house boasts an expansive front porch and a balcony off the master bedroom. Each bedroom is larger than average, and each bathroom has a shower/tub room separate from the toilet and wash sink. The kitchen is recently renovated with state of the art appliances included in the price of purchase. The grounds around the property are large enough for both a garden and for outdoor activities such as badminton or good old fashioned tag. A basement provides adequate storage space without the hassle of dimensional subspace installment or upkeep.
 House Profile 5/5:
12841 NE 112th Pl.
Norfolk, VA 68C 22981
3 Beds  | 1.5 Bath  |  398 m2  |  $215,000
[56 img]
             Boasting a reasonably large garden, this cozy home is at the southern end of the city, within convenient distance of a major hospital, a police station, and several schools. Public transportation is not an issue! And neither will be cooking in the quaint kitchenette, set directly across a furnished dining room. One bedroom and half bathroom are on the bottom floor, and the remaining rooms are located on the second floor. Please see the attached images for more information!
 -
 July 19th
KoraTora
I’ve forwarded you the message the realtors sent me. Objections to any of these before I comb through them for my own preferences?
 DipTipTyrone
i still vote we just shack up with the sheep
 KoraTora
Oh my stars dips that’s
we agreed that’s not a possibility
we would literally go insane
 Bentley:
No, we would go mad almost immediately
Yes what Tora said
Um, looking at them, House 1 is out for sure. You sure you specified no extra-dimensional subspaces?
 KoraTora
You know I did
 DipTipTyrone
i got a perfectly good house up there. antique. ud love it. historians dream. excellent neighbors too. dont pry. no drama.
also protip house3 has some srs bad vibes. I think I actually recognize the basement wallpaper, on second thought.
 KoraTora
????
 DipTipTyrone
Yeah, that striping—oh, that was a pretty good one. Didn’t need to answer a call for the following five years.
 Bentley
In that case, I think we’re not going to do house 3, Tora.
 KoraTora
Ohshit
Whaddya mean, Ben?? Don’t want to live there?? It could???? Be fun!!!!
 Bentley
Yeah no
 KoraTora
Roger that, no worries.
So no to 1 and 3, any others problematic?
Oh wait Ben, u might want to take another look at 2 if u haven’t already.
 Bentley
?
What do you mean, it looked fine?
3 stories are good by me
Sure the counters in the kitchen are ugly in the photos but?
 DipTipTyrone
AltBasement and Magic Windows
u wont like them
 Bentley
Oh
Okay, then 1-3 are all out. You good with 4 and 5, Tora? Dip?
 KoraTora
Yeah I hated 2’s counters too
So I’m good with checking 4 and 5 out for now.
We can always see others after this too!!
 DipTipTyrone
youre the ones actually living there
 KoraTora
Don’t u start on that mister
ur living with us, even if you’re not always around
 Bentley
It’s gonna be your home too, you know
Anyways, I can make time for an appointment next week, Tora, so don’t worry about timing on my end too much
They keep trying to send me home early anyways. Keep talking about PTSD and resting and whatever.
 KoraTora
What happened??
I will drag you home
And lay on you
And make you rest
 Bentley
Nothing happened!! They’re just worried
All the time
…Dipper you did not show up at the front desk.
This is not a good place for you
Dipper
 KoraTorako
Dipper yes!!
But also no!!!!!!
 DipTipTyrone
We’ll be home soon.
Love you.
 KoraTorako
<3
But also that was dumb shit you just pulled
 -
Appointment Notice
7/21/42
SSA: Gables, ID 980039385
CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239
PROPERTIES: House #4428, House #6609
START TIME: 10:30, from HomeStar Inc. HQ
END TIME: 12:30, SPECIAL ALLOWANCE Late Lunch Hour, Gables, ID 980039385
NOTES:
Will initially view House #4428 before venturing out to the outskirts of Norfolk to view House #6609. Hopefully one suffices; if not, consider suggesting Houses #1103, #4345, and #3327.
Potentially choosy clients.
 -
 Shari Ndadia, 11:28 AM
Cords, I heard you’re back early?
What happened?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:29 AM
My intuition was right, they are uncannily choosy clients
We didn’t even make it into 4428 before one of them stopped still and said ‘No.’
 Shari Ndadia, 11:29 AM
Holy shit
What??
What was it?? It couldn’t have been the exterior. It was so nice in the pics I’ve seen.
You always snatch up the nice ones.
 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM
Apparently
The InvisiFence was too magical
 Shari Ndadia, 11:30 AM
What the?
But, like, almost all the houses in Norfolk proper have InvisiFences?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM
Exactly
Which is why I thought ‘oh thank God we’ve got 6609, no InvisiFence’
And it went well at first, but then I told them about the security system
And the tall one was like ‘oh no’
And I was also like ‘oh no’
 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM
Wait
Wait
You’re still at square one with these clients?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:32 AM
Yes.
 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM
You? Queen of Sales?
She Who Strikes Yes On At Least One Initial Property?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM
Like I said: choosy.
 Shari Ndadia, 11:33 AM
What was wrong with the security system?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM
Not customizable
Though to be fair
They probably were only going to give that house a maybe
They weren’t too thrilled about the stasis fridge
 Shari Ndadia, 11:35 AM
…choosy.
I wish you luck with them. You going to go through our backlog of communal properties yet?
 Cordelia Gables, 11:36 AM
I’m not that desperate yet.
 -
SUBJECT: Issue with Client Lam [64239]
RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042
Mx. Pinkflax
           I regret to inform you that I have truly exhausted all of our listed properties for Client Lam and her partners. They have refused everything I have offered; I wonder myself if the property they want even exists within Norfolk. Between their confusing and adamant disdain for any kind of dimensional subspace (including things as mundane as storage spaces) and their insistence on customizable security systems, as well as their avoidance and hesitance around any kind of technology that involves stasis in any way, shape, or form, it has been impossible to fulfil their needs with the properties available to us.
           My suggestion moving forward is to either assign them to another Realtor within HomeStar, or to transfer their entire application to another company. If I recall correctly, you are on friendly terms with Lindquist Realtors. Perhaps something in their directory will suffice.
 Sincerely
Cordelia Gables
SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]
RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042
Cordelia,
           Are you sure there’s nothing? You’ve gone through the communal backlog? I’ve looked over the application and I have some thoughts. What about House #7421? Or #8577? They’re a bit above price range, but I believe they could work.
 Olive Pinkflax
SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]
RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042
Mx. Pinkflax,
           With all due respect, I have met with this trio every day for the last week. I dug into the backlog. I have recommended over 50 properties and shown them about a third of those. I was close with #4443, but the damn pet flap and subspace pet room killed it. If I don’t get a break from dealing with these very nice, very terrible clients, I will explode. The brown haired one has taken to very poorly concealed laughter whenever the hoodie-mask one refuses to set foot on the property. I cannot.
           If you have ideas of properties that would suffice, please be my guest. It would be nice to get back into the practical side if things, wouldn’t it?
 Sincerely,
Cordelia Gables
 -                              
 OLIVE PINKFLAX
Senior Realtor
Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging
 Born and raised in Norfolk, Olive Pinkflax hasn’t always wanted to be in the real estate business. They studied History of Architecture and Design in Georgia at the University of Savannah with the intent of pursuing a career in either graphic design or interior decorating. They then went abroad to work at non-profit agencies for a total of five years—in which the job market back home changed, largely at the fault of the Recession of 2978. Due to a lack of job openings, however, they eventually took a secretarial position at UniqNorfolq, a small real-estate business. There, they learned the tools of the trade due to insufficient staffing. By 2995, UniqNorfolq had become HomeStar under Pinkflax’s capable hand. While still small, they have grown the company into a name synonymous with quality, perseverance, and dedication to their clients. When not busy at their company, Pinkflax enjoys painting at home and doting on their pet rat, Squeakums.  
Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment
 -
 Client Transfer Notice, HomeStar Inc. Realtors
7/30/42
CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239
ORG SSA: Gables, ID 980039385
NEW SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114
REASONING:
Client Lam and her partners have proven to be challenging cases. As this is the case, I have decided that the current best course of action would be to handle their properties personally. Attached to their case file are a list of all the properties that they have been recommended and shown, as well as notes describing their reasons for discontinuing interest. I am open to collaboration and ideas.
Pinkflax
 -
 July 31st
KoraTorako
We’ve been transferred to another Realtor at HomeStar, guys. Apparently it’s the owner of the company.
Bentley
I was afraid this would happen.
We’re being so picky.
DipTipTyrone
Better to be picky now and end up with what we want later!
A quickly made deal is always worse for the receiving party. Better to bide our time.
KoraTorako
Yeah, what Dip said
Also, of course we’re picky??? We’re traumatized.
We’re allowed to be picky, even if they don’t know why.
Bentley
I mean…I could live with a subspace we’d never use, I guess
KoraTorako
No
DipTipTyrone
No
Bentley
Why??
It’s my hangup
KoraTorako
You’re already compromising on stasisware
Bentley
We can always replace that!!
KoraTorako
So?? It still makes you super uncomfortable for completely valid reasons.
I still think we shouldn’t compromise on that.
Bentley
If we didn’t compromise on that
There would be nothing in Norfolk
I’m starting to think there is nothing with our current demands
The house on Clement was cute, wasn’t it? It was nice!
DipTipTyrone
It had the subspace pet flap
Bentley
That we’d never use!!
KoraTorako
You looked ready to start sparking
Or glittering
And also you had that ‘I’m on the edge of reexperiencing all of my recent traumas’ face on
Bentley
If I can deal with everything in daily life
I can deal with a pet flap
KoraTorako
But it’s our home
You shouldn’t have to deal with it at home
This is supposed to be a safe space.
DipTipTyrone
Home isn’t daily—ok Torako got me.
Bentley
It’d be better than the apartment we’re living in right now
Which
If you remember
Is where I got kidnapped from
DipTipTyrone
I do keep mentioning we can live with the Sheep
KoraTorako
You make a fair point, Bentley But also, this is a house we’re going to be in for a long while
Let’s make it worth it, ok?
Bentley
I
Fine, whatever
KoraTorako
I don’t want us to live here either
If we need to we can, I don’t know, AirDrop an apartment for a couple months
Keep our stuff in the apartment so that we don’t have to move it all immediately
We can make this work, Ben. We can have our steak and eat it too.
Bentley?
 -
Appointment Notice
8/03/42
SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114
CLIENT: Torako Lam +2
PROPERTIES: House #7421, House #8577, House #2468, House #1697
START TIME: 12:30, departure from HomeStar Inc. HQ
END TIME: 15:30, departure either from House #1697 or from HomeStar Inc. HQ in best case scenario
Starting with Houses #8577 and #7421 on the very outskirts of Norfolk, we will work our way into the center of town where both House #2468 and #1697 are located. None of the properties have any listed subspace technology integrated into the premises, none of them have magically-powered fences or windows, and only one comes equipped with a stasis fridge. Will make offer to replace fridge with an older but still highly functional device free of charge if the property is accepted.
 -
Client Profile Update
DATE:8/03/42
CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]
CLIENT ID: 64239
CLASSIFICATION: Buyer
SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below
PROPERTY RECORD:
SSA: Gables, ID 980039385
 House #1212: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Kitchen Appliances, Cabinetry]
 House #3958: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Alternative Basement, Windows]
 House # 2249: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Basement wallpaper and house history. [detail: 2950’s owners were heavily involved with the Cult of Futures Past, Decorative Preferences]
 House #4428: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances [detail: InvisiFence surrounding property. Client Farkas refused to cross the boundary, saying “No” nearly immediately. Apparently sensitive to magical energy. Caution moving onwards is advised.]
 House #6609: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized. [detail: Client Lam has expressed that a non-customizable security system is out of the question. Furthermore, Client Farkas expressed discomfort with the Stasis Fridge. Caution moving onwards is advised.]
 House #1033: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: shag carpeting, loud wallpaper, windows too small]
 House #3290: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized.
[detail: Client Lam somehow pieced together the security code engraved around all the doors and windows, researched it, and discovered that the code is unalterable without starting over completely from scratch. IE, a warding expert carefully sanding down the inscribed code and then re-installing it to customer specifications. The House Profile has since been updated. Client Lam has since expressed that she would be open to having an initially insecure home to make secure herself. Uncertain if actually qualified to do such work.]
 House #5533: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Household Electrical Wiring is too reliant on MagiTech. [detail: Client Farkas, again, expressed his distaste with the whole affair immediately upon entering the house by saying, “No,” and walking out again. How he noticed the wiring through solid wall is a mystery for the ages. Sensitivity to magic alone cannot explain it.]
 House #7567: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Upon seeing the decoratively engraved floorboards up close, Client Pines recoiled and uttered, verbatim, “The day I spend any significant amount of time in this accursed home is the day I lay waste to the whole of humanity.” Apparently the script contains excerpts from the original Twin Souls literature. Housing detail has been accordingly updated.]
 House #2675: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Apparently, Clients Lam, Farkas, and Pines are not fans of rooster-themed kitchen décor.]
 House #1181: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Basement too reliant on MagiTech and extra-dimensional subspace technology. [detail: The basement was a secret basement. Client Pines stared at the living room floor for an uncomfortably long time before raising his head and telling the SSA, “You might want to be careful opening that.” Property Owner has since been alerted and advised to proceed with caution.]
[UPDATE 7/29: Property has been pulled from the market while police reopen a case and conduct an investigation.]
 House #4482: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Preferences. [detail: 3 bedrooms minimum is non-negotiable and the bathrooms were too cramped]
 House #5319: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: They don’t like the color of the walls. Note to stay away from overly bright greens and yellows in the future.]
 …
[scrolling]
 House #5497: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: House Address. [detail: like many other clients before them, the prospects of living at 6969 Dickinson Straightway appear to have caused the clients to decline this particular property.]
 House #9569: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Building Materials not up to Client Standards. [detail: After showing the clients around the property for fifteen minutes, Client Lam hummed, squinted her eyes at the nearest window, and said, “Does that window look like somebody could break through it to you two?” The next five minutes were spent by Clients Lam and Pines discussing the fragility of triple-reinforced glass against various potential weapons, tools, etc {not limited to but including demonic powers, a bazooka, and a thumbtack} while Client Farkas sat down on the floor, put his gloved hands over his face, and muttered a nearly unintelligible “I’m sorry” to presumably the SSA. These clients are hopeless.]
 House #4443: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Pet Flap and Pet Room are too reliant on extra-dimensional subspaces. [detail: Client Farkas stared at the pet flap, turned around, and put his hand on the SSA’s shoulder before saying, “No,” and walking out. Housing information has since been updated to include the unlisted Pet Room.]
 House #3944: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: Unclear. [detail: Client Lam, in the emailed response, simply said, “Look, we’re all tired and this house is too square(?) for {Client Pines}, so we’re just gonna give it a couple days before trying again.”]
[SSA is going to file for a transfer of client.]
 SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114
 House #7421: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Distance.
Detail: Too far from nearest transporter station.
SSA Comments: Clients appeared pleased with most aspects of the house. As per SSA Gable’s consultation, Client Lam appears most concerned with matters of household security. Client Farkas is harder to read, due to constantly wearing sunglasses, a hoodie, and a surgical mask despite the weather, but does not hesitate to make his opinions clear. Client Pines is…a mystery.
 House #8577: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Décor, House Layout, Location.
Detail: Housing does not come with security, but the spackled walls and ceiling are apparently difficult to do the variety of warding Client Lam is used to. Layout is, according to Client Pines, confusing. House 8577 is also apparently on the edge of a minor magical hotspot, as Client Farkas has confirmed.
SSA Comments: The difficulty in getting the clients a suitable home is evident. Client Farkas appears to be the biggest wildcard, despite his consistency in what he refuses. There simply does not seem to be a reliable way to ensure that the properties will not set him against them and are simultaneously up to other standards shared by all three clients.
 House #2468: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: House Size, presence of Extra-Dimensional Subspace, Décor.
Detail: At 780m2, the premises were too large for upkeep. While Client Pines seemed to disagree, offering to do more cleaning in exchange for snacks and ice cream, both Client Lam and Client Farkas weren’t convinced enough to ignore the décor (the elaborate crown molding is too “ostentatious” and “creepy,”) and certainly not when the non-disclosed extra-dimensional subspace was discovered in a false wardrobe.
SSA Comments: After the clients left, I investigated. Inside the subspace, kept pristine likely only by the fact that time does not pass quickly within those places, was an additional bed and a luxurious bathroom. The style of bedsheets and drapes indicates that the subspace was installed nearly a century ago, which seems odd seeing as subspaces in those days were unstable and tended to disintegrate. On a different note, this time it was both Clients Pines and Farkas who balked at the presence of the subspace. Take note to pay more attention to reactions in the future, and to survey properties properly before visitations.
 House #1697: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Security System.
Detail: Client Lam disagreed with the validity and effectiveness of the existing security system, and upon a close study of it (25 minutes), declared that it would be too difficult to properly alter and that removal would only be slightly easier.
SSA Comments: I would pay for the removal myself if it made these clients buy the house. There were no other issues with it. Upon my making the offer out loud, Client Lam laughed and said, “No, no, that’s all right! I’d rather find something a little more ready first!”
 House #2292: Declined w/o viewing.
Reasoning: House Layout.
Detail: House is built like a townhome, with a main room and bathroom on each of its 5 levels; Clients professed concern regarding the kitchen being on a separate floor from the living and dining room.
SSA Comments: Unfortunate. The building fit all of their specifications—the security system installed is simple to both customize and remove, there are miraculously no extra dimensional spaces on premises, and the only significant presence of magical technology in the entire property is the mailbox, which can be replaced at a very low cost. We investigated ourselves. Client Lam, their partnership’s point of contact, did say that it was a close call, but that ultimately they would only purchase when completely satisfied.
 House #1357: Viewed, but declined.
Reasoning: Décor.
Detail: Client Pines felt the colors were too ‘smorple’ and ‘floreen’ and several other descriptors that do not appear in any dictionary. When asked if he had noticed the issues when viewing the profile sent to them, he confessed that the colors simply ‘were different in person.’ Client Lam agreed that she didn’t appreciate the tile flooring in the kitchen. Client Farkas was quiet.  
SSA Comments: I hate to admit it, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Do they even want a house?
 -
Attached: ClientRecord64239.qbf
SUBJECT: A Professional Request
RECEIVED: August 7th, 3042
Dearest Qilar,
             I hope that this message finds you well. How is your family doing? I (and Squeakums, for that matter) look forward to our bi-weekly dinner and movie. I know you’ve discussed that the last full moon has left you feeling worn out, and I look forward to relaxing with you for a night.
           I write this message in the hopes that you would be amenable to taking on a client of ours. Unfortunately, we have been incapable of finding a property that would completely satisfy their desires. We have exhausted our listings. I know that you have several properties in Norfolk, and even those close to major terminals outside of Norfolk. I also know that you like a challenge.
           Attached is the client file for your information. Names and personal information have, of course, been redacted. They will be readable upon your agreement to take these clients on. The clients have of course been notified about this possible course of action. Should you decline this case, I would be more than understanding.
 Well wishes to you and yours,
Olive Pinkflax
 -
SUBJECT: Welcome to your experience at Lindquist Realtors!
RECEIVED: August 10th, 3042
 Dear Ms. Lam,
           Hello. My name is Qilar Lindquist. You and I have not had the pleasure of meeting, but I am sure that when we do, it will be wonderful. As you may know, my good friend Mx. Pinkflax conveyed to me their concerns that they didn’t have the property best suited to you in their register. However, with access to a larger company such as Lindquist Realtors, they hoped that you would have more success. If you are still obliging, I am more than happy to take you and your partners on as clients of Lindquist Realtors. It would be thrilling to find you the house you and your partners have been dreaming of. Please respond to this message as soon as you are capable, so that we may begin the process.
 Sincerely,
Qilar Lindquist
Lindquist Realtors
 -
 QILAR LINDQUIST
Senior Realtor
Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage
Alternative Display Options
             While not born and raised in Norfolk, Qilar Lindquist has been settled in this fine city for the past 20 years. A born werewolf, Qilar has always wanted to follow his parents’ footsteps. He succeeded as well, opening up a new branch of Lindquist Realtors in Norfolk at the tender age of 28. He studied business, architecture, and chemistry at the University of Des Moines. Intelligent, quick-witted, and charming, Qilar Lindquist is dedicated to serving his clients in any way he can. Outside of work, he is involved with the local community theater and can be found volunteering at various non-profit goodwill organizations around the city. His husband often joins him in these endeavors.  
 Back to Realtor Biographies Homepage
 -
 August 13th, 3042
Chat with Saint Akuapem
6:36 PM
Thank you for the scones the other day. Hepsa enjoyed them.
So did I.
How is house-hunting going?
6:59 PM
Sorry, still working that Thompson case.
Thanks for working with me on it.
And the house hunting’s not going so great.
7:12 PM
Of course. You’re bright. I like hearing your input.
Just not situated to be a public officer of the law.
What with your friend.
7:13 PM
I know.
7:13 PM
I’m sorry to hear it is not going as well as hoped.
Would you like to talk about it?
7:14 PM
The realtor company you recommended couldn’t find anything for us
So we’ve been transferred to another realtor.
7:15 PM
Nothing? Really?
What realtor?
7:15 PM
Yeah, nothing. Lindquist Realtors.
7:16 PM
Hepsa says they are good. You are in good hands.
7:16 PM
Yeah, we had our first house hunting today.
I’m just worried it’s going to go nowhere here as well.
7:18 PM
Sorry for saying but. I find that hard to believe.
You will find a house.
What are your specifications?
7:19 PM
Ummm 3 BR 2 BTH Defs LDK
450-600 SQM
Garden with like 100-200 SQM?
No Magitech if possible, no exdim subspaces at all
Security system gotta be customizable or not there at all
We can be a little picky with décor sometimes
And house gotta be sturdy
There’s probably something else
7:26 PM
I see.
That would be difficult.
Are you willing to compromise on anything?
7:27 PM
Price. I put down 350k but if it gets me the house I want
Then I’ll pay more.
7:27 PM
Understood.
Where are you staying now?
7:27 PM
Still in the apartment
Got the lease to finish
Hate it but until we have somewhere else
7:29 PM
…how is Bentley?
7:29 PM
He’s stressed.
With the house, and being here
He’s always having nightmares
So tired all the time
Insists on going to work though and I cant talk him out of it
I want to get a house for him
But I don’t want him to have to deal with all the shit he is in the apartment
He doesn’t see himself as important enough to take care of, sometimes
So I have to take that into account
7:32 PM
What exactly is going on, Torako?
How is Bentley not taking care of himself?
7:32 PM
Like, it’s not that I don’t understand where hes coming from
I get that I might be being a bit unreasonable
But he keeps saying ‘oh I can just DEAL with having an exdim subspace in the house’
‘never mind that it’s a huge trigger for all my trauma’
‘and that I sometimes cant stop looking at it just to make sure its still there and im still on the reality side of things’
‘ill just wear my magic-cancelling glasses all the time’
‘and be unable to sleep from the headache’
‘it’s not that big of a deal, torako, let’s have the magitech here that hurts to look at too much’
‘who cares, it’s just a fridge torako!! Not like it was used to TRANSPORT ME to a FOREIGN COUNTRY so that a MADMAN could CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS ON ME to the point that I almost took FATALLY DRASTIC ACTION’
He keeps saying he’ll just put up with his trauma like it’s a minor inconvenience!!
And he shouldn’t have to do that.
Not in a house that’s our own.
7:36 PM
Bentley was what now.
7:36 PM
Oh right
You didn’t know that part
7:36 PM
You went to get him.
7:36 PM
of course
I love him
7:36 PM
Therapy?
7:36 PM
Bentley? Yeah.
Hell of an NDA.
7:37 PM
No, you.
7:37 PM
She’s the only other person who knows everything.
Like, everything everything.
wait what?
7:37 PM
Torako.
I think you’re not doing as well as you think you are.
7:37 PM
Bentley was tortured
I wasnt
7:38 PM
I’ll believe you on that.
But you still devoted yourself to finding him.
And he was tortured, and you have to deal with the consequences of that too.
7:38 PM
???
7:39 PM
You sound stressed, Torako.
And scared.
7:39 PM
Maybe a little
But Bentleys more important rn
7:40 PM
I would say you’re both equally important.
Sorry, Torako, Hepsa is calling me; we’re going to a late night movie.
I’ll keep my eye out for you.
7:40 PM
OK
Thank you
I really appreciate it
 -
 Client Profile Update
DATE:8/15/42
CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]
CLIENT ID: IMP64239
CLASSIFICATION: Buyer
CAUTION: PICKY, SPECIFIC, UNCOMPROMISING
SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below
LINDQUIST REALTORS PROPERTY RECORD:
SSA: Lindquist, ID 109A854D
NEW UPDATES 8/15/42
 HOUSE ID: 798A 209X
ADDRESS: 389 West Hampton Drive
SELLER: Mx. Adelaide Hanson
STATUS: DECLINED
NOTES: Unfortunately, despite attempts to the contrary, the clients were not impressed with the security system. We discussed it at length at Lindquist Realtors and felt it sufficient, but Client Lam insisted quite sternly that she needed to have full control over the system. RapierSolutions is a top of the line system. I tried to convey that to Client Lam, but she refused to hear sense. “I need to be able to alter it,” she said. “If I can’t alter it, it’s a no-go—especially with those weak windows and the shallow hinges on the entryways.” Mx. Pinkflax was not kidding around when they said Client Lam was a bit controlling over safety specifications. Possible paranoia?
 HOUSE ID: 665D 187L
ADDRESS: 9821 NW 4736 PL
SELLER: Mr. and Ms. Nakatani
STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE
NOTES: We combed the premises for subspaces personally. Nevertheless, Client Farkas quietly pointed out that there was a secret bunker hidden under the premises, and that it spanned the entire property. While he hastened to assure us that it wouldn’t be that much of an issue, Client Lam overheard and insisted that they wouldn’t buy any property with extradimensional subspaces. When Client Farkas attempted to tell his partner that they weren’t going to use that garden gate anyways, Client Lam shut him down. Client Pines also wandered over from where he was inspecting the brick wall of the garden, said “This place might be cursed,” and waved his partners cheerily off of the premises.
Upon notifying the authorities as required by law that there may or may not be a curse on the premises, the police shut down the premises. Any attempt to contact Mr. and Mrs. Nakatani beyond alerting them to the existence of the subspace has been unsuccessful.
UPDATE: the extradimensional basement is now the scene of a crime. 665D 187L is now under government jurisdiction.
 HOUSE ID: 278K 396V
ADDRESS: 421 Wildstar Avenue
SELLER: Mr. Fegelhorn and Mr. Gil
STATUS: DECLINED
NOTES: Client Lam, predictably, criticized the ‘astounding lack of security’ in the warding system, the ‘structural instability’ of a perfectly good cellar window, and the presence of a stasis fridge on the premises. Client Farkas was silent. Client Pines said that he ‘liked the staircase’ but that the upstairs bathroom tub was ‘too small for his preferences.’ Naturally, the clients declined the home.
 HOUSE ID: 525P 792S
ADDRESS: 98 Maplefarm S. Street
SELLER: Mrs. Polinski
STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE
NOTES: Surprisingly, it was not Client Lam or Client Farkas who had reason to decline the property. This is probably because Client Pines, five steps past the garden gate, hissed and bodily hauled his partners away from the grounds. When asked what the matter was, he snarled out in the most terrifying voice something about unquestionable evil and the screams of the undead. As required by Law, we have notified the authorities.
UPDATE: Property is now under police jurisdiction. Norfolk Government Demonologists and Exorcists evacuated the entire block for a full 48 hours. It seems Mrs. Polinski was being possessed by a terribly old demon, Hyutgen the Voracious and had been for an undetermined amount of time.
What is up with these Clients and finding horrific crime scenes?
-
August 15th, 3042
Chat with Handsome <3 <3 <3
5:28 PM
Darling, what’s up?
You seem to be staying late at the agency today
As of late, really.
Is it The Clients?
5:57 PM
I’m so sorry.
Yes, it is.
This is much more difficult than anticipated.
Olive called it a challenge and I was foolish enough to think I had it in the bag.
The Clients are insatiable.
There’s always something wrong with the properties. Always.
And they keep uncovering properties as crime scenes??
6:03 PM
I’m so sorry darling.
6:03 PM
I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Bayani.
I’m so tired.
I’ve shown them over 30 properties, personally.
6:04 PM
Do you want to talk it out?
I can get your favorite dinner together
We can curl up on the couch
Put on some Strandson
6:05 PM
You know what?
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds nice.
I’ll be home in 10 minutes.
6:06 PM
See you soon <3
6:06 PM
<3 <3
 -
SUBKECT: Realtor Change Notification
RECEIVED: August 16th, 3042
 Dear Ms. Lam,
           My apologies in advance for the contents of this email, though I hope it finds you well. Unfortunately, due to my position as head of company, I am unable to continue being your Realtor. I have transferred you to the care of one of my very capable senior agents. Mx. Ya-en. I hope that you understand, and that Mx. Ya-en can see to your needs better than I have.
 Sincerely,
Qilar Lindquist
Lindquist Realtors
 -
 HARLEY YA-EN
Senior Realtor
Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage
Alternative Display Options
             Harley Ya-en, despite xir elderly age of 84, is one of Lindquist Realtor’s most capable senior Realtors. A psychic who can read auras, Harley Ya-en is capable of anticipating the client’s needs and emotions. This allows Mx. Ya-en practical insight into which properties will suit a buying client’s needs. Xe also has a wealth of knowledge regarding the Norfolk area due to living here for the past 50 years, and is a font of trivia sure to satisfy the most curious of souls. Xe lives with xir husband and wife, and enjoys taking road trips—
 -
SUBJECT: LOL NO
RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042
 Qilar,
           Holy fucking shit you do not pay me enough for this. You have to transfer them. I cannot work with these clients.
Sincerely,
Harley
 -
SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO
RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042
 Harley,
           What happened?? What did they do??
 Qilar
 -
SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO
RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042
 Qilar,
           They didn’t do anything in particular. They’re just impossible clients—I’m thinking it’s not even their fault, entirely—and I have read their file. Even with that, I was hesitantly down for the challenge until I saw their auras and interacted with them today. I am Not Doing It. I am too old for this. Give me another assignment.
 Sincerely,
Harley
 -
SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO
RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042
 Harley,
           I’m sorry, I need more explanation than this to take you off immediately. I handled a week. So can you. You can’t use your age as an excuse all the time.
 Qilar
 -
SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO
RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042
 Qilar,
           Fine: here it is.
           I only got the two Clients. Client Pines was, as they said, out on important business, who knows when he’ll be back. Something was fishy about that but okay, I won’t pry, and these two are setting me off on edge a little as is so maybe it’s just that.
           Then the more I interact with them, the more I realize that Client Farkas’s aura is just fucking weird. Bananapants, CocoNutPuffs, whatever you want to call it. It’s all muddled and patchy and a headache and a half to read. It’s like somebody took his aura, threw out most of it, and stuffed a bunch of excess aura in to fill the gaps. There’s no way he was born like that, and there’s no way whatever happened was pretty (or probably even painless). He’s definitely trying, though, so I figured aight, we’ll see if we can’t compromise with this whippersnapper.
           The problem is Client Lam.
           Client Lam doesn’t want to be pleased. Client Lam, for whatever reason, is terrified. And overprotective of Client Farkas. And she’s absolutely looking for reasons to be disappointed, or she’s at least seeing shadows where there are none. We could present Client Lam with a fortress and she wouldn’t be satisfied. My bet is that whatever happened to Farkas’s aura was traumatizing, and Lam was impacted by that trauma. I showed her two viable properties at excellent prices with wonderful locations and an astounding lack of extradimensional pockets or Magitech gadgets, and she found fault with them. Neither were crime scenes, thankfully.
           You may want to assign them with somebody who has experience—but you could also use this opportunity to show some junior realtors how tough clients can be. Also, the junior realtors might not be so entrenched in the practice, and they could have some excellent ideas.
           Or you could just…send these clients to somebody else. Your choice. I’m just not dealing with it. They’ll drive me into an early grave if I take this too seriously, and you know how I get.
 Sincerely,
Harley
 -
SUBJECT: Realtor Change Notification
RECEIVED: August 18th, 3042
 Dear Ms. Lam,
           Hello! What a pleasure it is to meet you. I’m writing to inform you that unfortunately, Mx. Ya-en is unable to continue handling your case. The upside is that I am able to do so in xir stead! My name is Amar Shirvani, and I’m going to be handling your case from now on. I’m excited to work with you and your partners, and hope that you are as excited to work with me! I promise I will do my best to help you achieve your housing dreams!
 Yours,
Amar Shirvani
Lindquist Realtors
 -
 AMAR SHIRVANI
Junior Realtor
Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage
Alternative Display Options
             Native to Norfolk, Amar Shirvani is the youngest member of Lindquist Realtors at 22 years old. He recently graduated from the Offet University of Business with honors. While not the most experienced, Amar brings exuberance and creative thinking to the team at Lindquist Realtors. He has been involved with volunteer work from early childhood due to his parents—
 -
 TweetyFlaps Trending
#clientwoes
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself
@Silverforks
So I’ve got a kind of sort of customer service job, right. And so far it’s been fine! I’ve had ok clients. And then Bossman slides me a paunchy one cross the table and I start to understand #clientwoes for the first awful real time. 1/ 10:48 AM        23 AUG 3042
______________________________________________________________________
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
2/ i know from the start its gonna be a Ride. Like, chalk and candles intensity. Client file is thicc w/rejected properties (im in housing). But I’m game!! Im always game, you know me haha. Unfortunately… 10:50 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
3/ these are clients from hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually demons in disguise. Here to torture me. For something. I aint actually ever summoned nothing. But like, it’s unreal how BAD this exp has been. 10:51 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
4/ for 1, they all look normal expt one of them. Head to toe, covered. Would think was vampire, but that’s usu specified in reports. Nobody’s seen his skin other than flashes. Aight, tho, I aint prejudiced, i’ll roll with it. 10:53 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
5/ so they super picky clients, right. I thought nah, they cant be that bad!! Just haven’t hooked the right worm yet. So I pick out a coupla worms (houses) that I think they might enjoy and hoo boy was that a chore, but im satisfied! Spoiler: they aint. 10:56 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
6/ they aint never gon be satisfied. #1, not-vampire client mentions v v quietly to me that sorry, theres a thing he cant deal with on premises, but mb they can still keep it in mind?? But (super good hearing???) another client hears and squawks about it. he aint having it, apparently.   10:58 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
7/ and then third client (Harpy) hears bc squawk, and she SUPER aint having it, so we just go to the next house. And the next one. And—u get it already.   10:59 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
8/ and like, im patient. Im pretty lowkey. But today’s house was—perfect?? There was nothing wrong with it. Client Hoodie didn’t say nothing bad. Liked the rooms. Client EllieEars don’t complain bout no weird curses or dead bodies or bad décor. But Client Harpy?? Client Harpy is impossible. 11:02 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
9/ u kno what she said?? She said, and I repeat: the front door is too thin.
The front door. Which is a solid 5 cm of wood (real!! Wood!!). is too thin. It’s “Insecure”. 11:03 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
10/11 I didn’t say it bc im a good worker, but I really wanted to go off on her. She’s impossible. This is the worst assignment ever. Ive worked so hard my soul’s gonna feel it 5 carnations down.   11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042
 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            
Replying to @Silverforks
11/11 srsly. 5 cm of solid wood!! Insecure. Unbelievable. #clientwoes 11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042
 -
 August 23rd  
Bentley
Sally Mihn at work sent me this.
You might want to take a look.
https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752
 DipTipTyrone
oh boy
that’s about us alright
 Bentley
Yeah
It is
Torako
We need to have a fucking talk
 KoraTorako
We do need to have a talk with the realtors
That’s unacceptable
 Bentley
What we need to do with the realtors is apologize
What we three need to do is discuss what the fuck we’re doing
 KoraTorako
No, that was completely unprofessional
And what do you mean, what are we doing?? We’re looking for a house.
 DipTipTyrone
I’ll take care of the tweets for a pack of gummies
 Bentley
No, Dipper
Torako
We have been house-hunting for a month
We have looked at over 200 houses by this point
 KoraTorako
Thanks dip but probs not
 Bentley
And you have said no
To all
Of them
We need to fucking compromise
 KoraTorako
Compromise on what?? Our safety?? Our comfort?
 Bentley
No, on your unachievable standards
 DipTipTyrone
Oh
Oh no
 KoraTorako
Who says they unachievable??
 Bentley
The 200+ houses we’ve looked at to dismiss out of hand!
 DipTipTyrone
This is a fight, isn’t it
 KoraTorako
I’m just making sure that whatever we get will be safe!
 Bentley
Most of them HAVE been safe!
You’re just being STUPIDLY overprotective!
 DipTipTyrone
oh no im the
im the middle party aren’t i
 KoraTorako
I am not!
 Bentley
Yes you are! You need to trust me to make choices for myself!!
 KoraTorako
Well, I would if you weren’t so insistent on ignoring your own wellbeing!
 DipTipTyrone
How does one mediate
 Bentley
I’m just trying to find a fucking house! I’m trying to meet them in the middle!
 KoraTorako
Not on that you shouldn’t!
 Bentley
It’s MY choice!
 KoraTorako
And it’s MINE TOO!
You shouldn’t be in an environment that causes you to have so many fucking nightmares!
Like you are NOW
 DipTipTyrone
Uuuhhh shit shit shit um
You’re both right and both wrong?
 Bentley
Love you, but Shut up dip
And maybe I’m having nightmares because we’re still in this fucking apartment
 KoraTorako
I told you we could stay at another Rental until we found a house!
And shut up dip, im the right one here
 Bentley
You’re the right one???
We can’t solve everything with money, Torako!! And at the pace we’re going, we’d be in that rental place until our current lease is up Next January
 DipTipTyrone
…maybe this is an in-person convo?
 KoraTorako
I just want our house to be safe!! What if something happens again?
 Bentley
It won’t fucking happen again! Fantino was a one-off. I haven’t pissed off any other researchers overly invested in their research lately!
 DipTipTyrone
What about that one guy at work?
Wait no ignore that
 KoraTorako
But it MIGHT! We! Don’t! Know for sure!!
 Bentley
We don’t know that it WILL happen, Torako!
You need to just let this stupid fucking paranoia go
 DipTipTyrone
Uh
 KoraTorako
Stupid?? Fucking paranoia??
 DipTipTyrone
Bentley that was not uh
Not good
 KoraTorako
It’s not paranoia if it could happen again. It happened once.
I can’t forget that, Bentley. I can’t forget going to open that door and finding it unlocked. I can’t forget opening the apartment to you being gone, and to the wards being destroyed, and to everything I thought was keeping us safe not actually keeping us safe.
I’m not doing that, Ben.
The house we’re getting?? Is going to be fucking safe, and I am going to make it that way.
 DipTipTyrone
Torako…
 Bentley
Look, I get that
But there were ways of making the houses we looked at safe that you weren’t willing to entertain.
That one, with the green roof and the cute staircase?? That was totally viable. We absolutely could have torn the security system out with no trouble.
We literally have Dipper to do that for us.
But you said no! Like you said no to the one with the nice garden, and the one with the really big open windows.
I just want a house, Torako.
It’s not even like we’re necessarily going to live here forever? So if it’s not perfect, I’m ok. I just want somewhere to live that’s not the apartment.
 KoraTorako
And I just want us to be safe, Bentley.
I cant do this right now.
I have to go.
 DipTipTyrone
Is it over?
…fuck it isn’t, is it.
Fuck.
 -
SUBJECT: Important
RECEIVED: August 23rd 3042
 Dear Mr. Lindquist,
           Hello. I’m writing to inform you that one of your employees—I’m assuming our current agent, Mr. Amar Shirvani—vented about my partners and I on a public forum. Here is the link: https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752
           While I understand that we have not been very accommodating clients—myself particularly—I don’t believe that this appropriate behavior. Venting is important, but the place where Mr. Shirvani chose to express his frustrations wasn’t the right one. Please convey this to him for me.
           I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s young and hasn’t learned this particular lesson yet. But I also find myself hesitant to keep working with Mr. Shirvani. Would you be willing to either transfer us to another realtor, or recommend us to another company like Mx. Pinkflax did? I would really appreciate it.
 Sincerely,
Torako Lam
Private Investigator
.
-
SUBJECT: RE: Important
RECEIVED: August 24th 3042
 Dear Ms. Lam,
           I’m very sorry to hear about what Mr. Shirvani did. We’ve discussed the incident and he understands the impropriety of his actions. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
           While I believe that we have exhausted our properties here at Lindquist Realtors, I am happy to recommend you to a few other businesses in the Norfolk Area. They’re smaller, but perhaps they have the specific kind of property that you are looking for. I will do my best to put in a good word for you. Should that fail, I will personally endeavor to find you the house you need.
 Sincerely,
Qilar Lindquist
Lindquist Realtors
 -
 August 24th
Chat with Reynash Pines
11:01 AM
Hey Reynash
Can I ask you a question?
11:02 AM
What a surprise to hear from you via text!
Usually you just pop in and scare my soul out of my chest.
But for your question-- please ask
There’s nothing to do at work at the moment.
11:02 AM
Wouldn’t you usually leave?
Or have things changed again without me realizing it?
11:03 AM
Oh no, normally I would
But I have an appointment at 11:45 that I have to stick around for.
What’s your question?
11:04 AM
Torako and Bentley are fighting over housing.
We’ve told you about the house-hunting, right?
11:04 AM
Oh dear. Yes, I know.
Why are they fighting?
11:05 AM
Trauma. I think. They didn’t say themselves.
But I think it’s trauma.
Anyways, that’s not the important part.
What’s important is how do I help them?
11:06 AM
From the incident back around May?
Oh dear.
Are you sure that’s not the important part?
11:06 AM
Mostly.
Anyway. I just need to know how to mediate.
I haven’t mediated in…
In forever?
I can’t remember.
11:07 AM
…why are you even asking me?
11:07 AM
Because not many people know me as me
And you’re one of the only people who has known me as me for a significant amount of time and are also NOT ben or tora
And also you’re pretty calm mostly except when I show up and scare you
11:09 AM
Well
In my defense, I think most people would be scared if you showed up out of thin air and yelled strange things like WHAT YOU CRAVIN or whatever.
11:10 AM
Are you…sassy?
11:10 AM
Possibly
Back to your predicament: mediating
Have Bentley and Torako been able to talk to each other in person about this?
11:11 AM
No :(
They’ve been very quiet around each other at home.
And Bentley’s going on a trip soon.
So they won’t have a chance for a while.
Do they have to??
11:12 AM
It’s just easier to mediate when you’re all there.
Basically
They have to have the conversation, right?
Your job as mediator is to make sure they stay on task
And that no thoughtlessly cruel words are said.
11:12 AM
So they can say mean things
But they can’t mean the mean things?
11:13 AM
Okay, let me rephrase:
They’re mad at each other. They might say mean things that just hurt each other. Words that are meant to hurt each other.
They should not do that.
That does not help the conversation.
11:13 AM
Oh
Hm
So if one says the other is being stupidly paranoid
That’s where I say no, stop?
11:13 AM
Right.
11:14 AM
And if the other says one is being needlessly reckless with his own mental health
That’s where I say no, stop?
11:14 AM
Er
Maybe not, depending
Is he being needlessly reckless with his own mental health?
11:14 AM
I don’t know? Maybe? How do I tell?
11:15 AM
I can’t believe I’m saying this but
We might need to have this conversation face to face.
Please come he0-awekjhwel
11:39 AM
And remember what we discussed
And the pamphlets I sent you
And also please remind Torako and Bentley that Lata would like to see them sometime next month if they’re able to.
11:39 AM
Thanks Ray!
I really appreciate everything
Sorry for making you scream!
 -
SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request
RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042
 Dear Qilar Lindquist
           Thank you very much for the request. I’m honored that you would consider sending us clients that you yourself could not satisfy. It honestly instills an incredible, renewed sense of capability in us here at Khoohoo Realtors.
           Upon viewing the file you sent, however, one of my junior realtors raised concerns that these particular clients may be too difficult for a firm of our moderate size to adequately deal with. Between yourselves and HomeStar Realtors, these three clients weren’t satisfied. That, to us, is a bit of a red flag. We reviewed their specifications in comparison to our own catalogue, but don’t believe we have anything that they would be interested in actually buying. Therefore, in the interest of saving everybody a great deal of time and energy, I must admit that we cannot at this time take on your clients.
 Have an excellent day,
Simon Khoo
Head of Khoohoo Realtors
 -
SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request
RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042
 Dear Qilar Lindquist
             Thank you very much for this request.
           Unfortunately, we don’t have the time or patience for clients that would require a great deal of energy. From the looks of the file you attached, that seems to be the case with these clients. Therefore, in short, no.
 Yours,
Lance Fraiser
Senior Realtor
DreamHome Realtors
 -
Attachment: 2042-PoliceRecoverKidnappedManwithHelpFromCivillian.qbf
SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request
RECEIVED: August 27th, 3042
 Qilar,
           Long time no talk, friend!! Wow it’s been a while, I guess we’ve both been busy. I know this is a professional request and all, but we should get drinks or something!! I hear there’s a great alfree bar that’s just opened up downtown. Apparently it has killer drinks, and it of course it doesn’t have alcoholic stuff so you’re good to drink whatever.
           I took a look at the client rec you sent me, and hoo boy they’ve sure got a record! RedFin usually takes whatever, and you know that, but I don’t actually think we can get them anything?? I’d feel bad chucking properties at them that I know they won’t like. I think they’ve already checked out like three quarters of Norfolk lol. Talk about trying to summon with a broom and a lighter!
           Also, they really remind me of this one tweety I read recently? Oof, if that was one of your kiddos who posted it, you should really tell them that’s a bad call—both for them and the clients. These clients aren’t going to get anything in Norfolk, not with that popular tweety paired with that record. And if it gets out that your kiddo was the one that posted that??? Aint nobody gonna hire them, not with all this client confidentiality and all at stake. Gotta be careful what you post online, even when it is venting.
           Yo, but hey, hope you find somebody for these clients! They seem like they got some scary baggage. The one who nopes around magitec and exdims reminds me of something I read in the news a while ago—it was an article that was hushed down p quickly out of respect for the victim, but I still got the doc. I’ve attached it if you want to read! It might even help you figure stuff out with your clients, even if they aren’t the same.
 Let’s meet up for drinks sometime!
Naita Fellen
Owner of RedFin Realtors, Norfolk
Senior Realtor
 -
 August 27th
KoraTorako
I just received an email from Qilar that he’s going to continue to handle our case, but that it may take a while to comb through what properties they have left.
I said it was fine because Bentley’s off on a trip.
 DipTipTyrone
Great!!
This seems like a good time to have a heart to heart, don’t you think?
 KoraTorako
I, uh, what?
 DipTipTyrone
Bentley’s doing nothing right now! Bentley, talk
Bentley, talk or I’ll make you talk.
Bentley I know you’re at your hotel.
 Bentley
Oh my stars dip
What??
 DipTipTyrone
You guys argued a lot last time we really had a discussion
And you’re angry
And you need to talk about why you’re angry
So that you have a healthy conclusion to your argument
And so that you understand each other’s viewpoints better.
It’s important!
 KoraTorako
But why…now?
 DipTipTyrone
Because you sent that message
And I’m sure Bentley’s feeling vicious about it
 Bentley
No I’m not!
 DipTipTyrone
Yes you are
I can see your aura, and while it’s difficult to read, you’re very dlskajlkwjelkjewnsd;nlab
Aslkdjgwaelkl;kwa;ljk
Dlkjaw-000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
 KoraTorako
What the fuck
 DipTipTyrone
You can’t take my phone away from me!! Ha! I win!
 Bentley
You can’t just half slide through the wall so that I can’t tell you’ve blipped in!
What the hell??
 KoraTorako
Okay okay so youre serious about this
Fine
What do you want us to talk about
 DipTipTyrone
Your feelings, I guess?
Like, Bentley. Tell us how you feel about Torako’s latest message.
 Bentley
You’re not my therapist
 DipTipTyrone
No, but we’re family
Which means communication
So tell us.
 Bentley
Uuuuuggghhh
Fine
Torako, that email proves why it was stupid to just dismiss all the properties as soon as we saw them and I feel vindicated but also tired
 DipTipTyrone
Hey, um, you gotta cut all the negativity against the other person out of your message
Try again!
 Bentley
The email proves that it was wrong to dismiss the properties without really thinking further about them. I feel vindicated. I feel tired.
Happy?
 DipTipTyrone
Better!
Torako, your turn!
 KoraTorako
Oh my stars are we really doing this
This is so stupid
 DipTipTyrone
Do it
 Bentley
Yeah tora, do it
If I have to, so do you
 KoraTorako
Fine
I’m just tired, ok?? This has taken so much longer than I thought it would. And I know I’m at fault for some of it!!
But I’m sick of Bentley falling to the pressure of ‘picking’ because it’s what’s expected of us. I don’t want him to feel scared or uncertain or uncomfortable in whatever house we pick, even if we’re only there for a couple years until we can pay off the place.
 DipTipTyrone
Thank you Torako! I don’t see any unnecessarily hostile language in there, so that’s A-OK, you pass. Bentley?
 Bentley
I just feel bad because everybody’s trying so hard
And we’re being so hard on them
And sometimes I just don’t understand why you reject the houses? So what that the security system isn’t perfect. I don’t mind going to the effort of pulling it out and starting it again. Heck, I would pay Dip to do it easy!
 KoraTorako
But that’s not your problem
That’s a me problem
I just…I want it to be good from the beginning. I want it to work from the start so that we don’t have to worry about it.
 Bentley
But that’s not going to happen
Sometimes you have to work to make something work for you
And if we gotta do that
I’m fine with it
 KoraTorako
I…I guess
I’m still not completely comfortable with that
 Bentley
We can work on it together
And hey
If I promise to not say yes to houses that make me uncomfortable will you promise to give things like security systems and house integrity a chance?
Like, not dismiss them immediately?
 KoraTorako
…yeah. I can do that, I think.
 DipTipTyrone
Good!! I’m glad we had this discussion
You know, I’m a pretty great mediator!
 Bentley
Dipper I watched you leaf through those pamphlets during the discussion
But yeah
Thank you, dipper
 KoraTorako
Thank you, dipper <3
 Bentley
He’s blushing!!
Compliment him more
 DipTipTyrone
No!
Stop ganging up on me!
 KoraTorako
You’re so cute, Dips!!
 Bentley
The cutest
Aw, he’s glowing
 DipTipTyrone
I should have let you keep fighting
 -
 August 29th, 3042
Chat with Saint Akuapem
4:12 PM
Torako, how are you?
Hepsa says hello
Are you still looking for houses?
4:15 PM
Yeah, we are
Say hello back for me
I’m ok, but a bit tired.
4:15 PM
Excellent
A parent of one of Hepsa’s students mentioned that their mother passed away recently
And that they were willing to sell the property
It seems the mother was afflicted with a curse that prevented her from using most Magitech
And she didn’t trust extra-dimensional spaces
It was a family home, so there are 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a nice garden.
Would you be interested in looking at it?
4:17 PM
Are you fucking serious.
Yes please, a thousand times yes
When can we look?
4:18 PM
Let me ask Hepsa to ask for me.
4:49 PM
Would you be available tomorrow afternoon?
3:30 PM.
 4:51 PM
Oh gosh oh yes
What’s the address?
4:51 PM
Just meet me at our apartment.
We will walk you over.
4:51 PM
Officer you really are a saint
I could kiss you
4:52 PM
Bring some more of those brownies. It’ll be even then.
 -
 “So? What do you think?”
           Torako trailed her fingers across the mantle for the fireplace. It was a real one; apparently, pure electric fireplaces were hell to install and more hell to maintain. There were no runes carved into the rough brick, no faint thrum of magic that Torako could now pick up if she closed her eyes and concentrated really, really hard.
           The whole house had very little by the way of magic.
           “It’s…” Torako looked down at the fireplace proper. It had been cleaned, recently, shiny in the way that old things gleam when properly taken care of. The house had been loved, she was sure of it. “It’s not bad.”
           A touch to her elbow. She looked over at Bentley, whose eyebrows were quirked. “Torako. Please. Be honest.”
           She hummed, turned to lean against the mantle and look out the big windows that provided a view of the garden space. Unmaintained, a little wild. They could put a vegetable patch there, she thought. Maybe a couple fruit trees.
           “I’m not a fan of the front porch steps,” she said, “or the ramp. It’s a bit rickety.”
           “We can fix it up,” Bentley said. He paused, tilted his head, then gave her a sly little grin. “Or at least, we know somebody who works cheap for that kind of thing.”
           “Hey, you can’t let me hear that,” Dipper said from the other room, where he was laying flat on the ground with his ear to the floorboards. “My prices might go up.”
           “Is it all good over there?” Bentley asked in lieu of answering. Torako looked up at the ceiling, where runes or wards or protective magics would be. Magics that would be hers, so they would hurt less to Bentley’s sensitive eye.
           “No creepy basements filled with cadavers or slaughtered cultmembers, if that’s what you’re asking,” Dipper said. Thankfully, Illya had left them to look over her dead mother’s home one last time, so there were no surprised gasps or queer glances. “Though we may want a couple rugs. I think this floor gets cold in the wintertime.”
           “Windowpanes are a little thin,” she muttered to herself. Her fingers tapped against her leg. “Could stand to be a bit more reinforced—though the French doors are probably okay, they seem sturdy enough—”
           “Torako.”
           Bentley’s warm hand slid over the one on her leg. Torako looked at him again. He peered at her over the rims of his oversized sunglasses, golden eye shimmering just a little. “Is there anything seriously wrong with this place? Anything that can’t be fixed?”
           Torako pressed her lips together. The aching anxiety in her chest pressed against her sternum. She tried to ignore it, and the thoughts of shadowy figures cutting through the glass panes, burning through the front door, squeezing through the cracks in the floorboards to steal Bentley away from—
           “Hey,” Bentley said, soft.
           “Hey,” Dipper said, a little brighter and brasher. He took her hand in his human hand. “We’re here, okay?”
           Torako turned her head to Dipper, brown eyes crinkled at the edges (and when had he put wrinkles on?) and grin still just a little too wide for human mouths to stand. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.
           “No,” she said. Bentley inhaled, sharp. “No, not no no! I just meant, ugh, there’s nothing I don’t like about this house that can’t be fixed. That no. Not the ‘let’s not do this’ no.”
           Both of her boys relaxed on either side of her. “Yeah,” Bentley said. “Yeah, I thought this was a good one, too.”
           She twisted her hand in theirs so that she could hold them.
           “Plus, it’s like, dirt cheap,” Dipper said. “Who knew that buying a house without a Realtor handling fee would result in such a bargain?”
           “Okay,” Torako said, a grin starting to pull at the corners of her mouth. The sunlight from the window was warm against her feet, reaching up to soothe the phantom pains in her shins from all those months ago. “Let’s tell Ilya.”
           It would be a good home.
 -
SUBJECT: FWD: Thank you for your help
RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042
I don’t know whether to be furious or relieved. Mostly I’m just tired.
You up for dinner tonight?
Qilar
>>Attached: NewHouse+US.png
>>SUBJECT: Thank you for your help
>>RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042
>> 
>>Dear Mr. Lindquist,
           >> I email you to thank you so much for all your assistance. I don’t think we would have gotten as far as we did without you. Due to this journey, my partners and I realized some very important things.
           >>As you might have realized based on the name of the attachment, my partners and I have found a house through one of our acquaintances! It was lovely and off-market, and I probably wouldn’t have said no if it weren’t for our experiences with everybody at Lindquist Realtors and HomeStar Realtors. Thank you so much for your time and effort and energy, and I hope that you have a chance to relax now that we’re out of your hair.
>> 
>>Thank you again,
>>Torako Lam
>>Private Investigator
 -
 Qilar,
           What the fuck, even. Truly. What the fuck.
           I’ll bring the sparkling apple cider.
Olive
34 notes · View notes
lemonadetyler · 6 years ago
Text
peter finds out you’re a villain
request: Head cannon on you being Peters nice, shy girlfriend but secretly you being an anti hero and Peter goes to where you are and seeing you in dark, tight spandex makes him very flustered ;)
pairing: peter parker / spiderman x reader
type: headcanon / smut
a/n: i adjusted the ask a lil bit, instead of villain / anti hero i went with vigilante. i hope that’s okay! send me an ask to join the tag list below!!
Tumblr media
“bye, babe.” peter kisses you as he leaves your apartment after riding the train over to brooklyn with you like the sweetheart he is
“see you tomorrow?” you ask all wide eyed and cute like u be
“ofc, darling” he told u
he was always so worried about you
& you can totally handle yourself. you can do a lot more damage than that but if peter knew the truth, he would be crushed & what homeboy don’t know can’t hurt him
so peter leaves & you go into your room
sweater off
leggings gone
scarf deceased
your cute lil usual fit is on the floor
shy & sweet u gone
bad bitch u is here
your sexy ass has squeezed into your suit
u look fuckin good, feelin yourself
but u already knew that
do u cause a lil trouble when you go out? sure, but it’s so much fun
so ur out ur window and hopping rooftop to rooftop like the badass u be
u were kind of like a modern day robin hood but more violent and less predictable
out here avenging the world’s wrongs w/ some fun for yourself on the side
what shall it be tonight? u robbed some wealthy asshole last week. tomorrow ur busy sneaking into a prison & going all mercenary on some dumbass
u were absolutely awful, but only to the people who deserved it most
“god i am so in the mood for torture right now.” u say to yourself
so u do some scouting
tired retail worker = a bad target
lost girl at night was equally uninteresting
man following lost girl? now that could be interesting.
so u watch & wait
but all my ladies out there know damn well what’s about to go down
and yeah, shit hit the fan
but yall coulda guessed that
this dirty vacuum bag really tries to get with this girl, she wasn’t having it, he decides that fucking rape is next on today’s agenda
so u swoop in
see, ur not abnormally strong or powerful
but u have two things that these fuckers out don’t: 1. the element of surprise and 2. a really, really cool bat who you have affectionately named “bubbles”
its cute
anyways, back to the ass whooping you dishing out
so you might have broke into a police car last night
stole some handcuffs
but youre gonna give them back!!
just not at the moment
you handcuff this lil bitch to a bike rack
take the girl into a restaurant
make shes okay and get her a ride home
okay back to this fucker
he’s huffing and puffing like he finna blow this bitch down
like really
get a grip
so you uncuff him
and this man takes off
“i hate the runners” you say
gotta chase after this dude now
finally you catch up to him
knock him down with bubbles the bat
“dude, i just wanna talk” you tell him as he lays on the ground
“really?” he looks at u like he bouta cry
“lmao no.” you laugh and hit him with bubbles again
dumb bitch
but THEN
you’re knocked on ur ass by someone
you start to look up to see who it was
your vision is a lil blurry but u can kinda make out a figure
“is that fuckin spiderman”
“that’s gonna hurt tomorrow, miss.” he tells you
“i’d go home and ice it.” IS SPIDERMAN REALLY TELLING U TO PACK UR SHIT AND GO HOME RIGHT NOW??
“fuck i wish i had superpowers” you mumble to yourself
you can’t really compete with spiderman
gonna have to talk your way outta this one
“hello, mr. man?” you say all cute like “Imma need you to hand me that man back.” you finish
“no can do.” spiderman tells you
“i really don’t think the spiderman brand should be supporting attempted rapists” GET FUCKED BUG BOY
“did he?” spiderman looks at the man on his arm
“sure did.” you clarify
“i still I don’t think I can condone you beating him like you were.” spiderman tells you
“i’m simply doing god’s work” you say, trying not to laugh
“god’s work.” spiderman looks at you straight faced, unimpressed
now you begin to approach spiderman
“what are you doing in brooklyn tonight, spiderman?” you say SEDUCTIVELY LIKE YES GIRL
“just passing through” spiderman says
“well,” you bite your lip (agh!!!!) “maybe next time you should stick to queens.”
WHO NEEDS THE ICE NOW, SPIDERMAN?
“who are you?” spiderman asks you, genuinely perplexed
“it wouldn’t be as fun if I told you, would it?” you answer.
you grab the man out of spiderman’s hands, walking away, confident as hell
spiderman grabs you by your hips and turns you around
“you sound so familiar” he tells you
like can you fuck off
“not gonna like, i thought you’d be cooler” you respond
the almost rapist takes the opportunity to run away so that’s great
and spiderman just doesn’t care
“what the actual fuck man??” you say “i’m not running after that dumbass again.”
in the midst of your ranting, spiderman rips your fucking mask off
like IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED
“i knew there was no way you weren’t mine”
WHAT
THE
FUCK
before u can even register what has happened, he rips his mask off
“surprise!” your BOYFRIEND PETER shouts, NOT SPIDERMAN
“what?” you say in shock
“you were so confident and out there.” peter says in awe. “it was awesome. i didn’t know you could be so… dangerous.” he says after finding the right word.
“what are you gonna do about it?”
so peter kisses you
but like, aggressively
pushes you up against a wall
“you should wear this more often” he tell you
“you like it?” you ask
“like it? im gonna fuck you in it.”
ur pussy might as well be a super soaker bc that bitch is drenched
peter rips your suit open
“you got more of these?”
“yeah but maybe we fuck in this one from now on”
he’s got your nipple in his mouth
hands down your pants
you might just come right then and there
but peter’s suit is equally tight
and he’s been hard since he first knocked you down
WHICH, BY THE WAY, HE DIDN’T KNOW TO BE YOU AT THE TIME SO YALL DEFINITELY NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT
“stop teasing me” you breathe out
slowly, which is basically still teasing, peter slides inside of you
moving in & out of u, his cock coated in your juices
“harder, peter.” you beg as he tentatively hits your clit with each move
THIS TIME, FINALLY HE DOESN’T HOLD BACK
boy goes to work
slamming in & out of you
“fuck, daddy, right there.”
also, peter didn’t know about your daddy kink until right now so i guess this is confession night
but he totally digs it
he grabs onto your hips tighter than ever before
sliding you on and off his dick as your back is to the wall
your legs are wrapped around his hips
you’re literally getting fucked hard in an alleyway at midnight by the spiderman
who would’ve thunk it
you both come
, hard
yall compose yourselves
“we have so much to talk about tomorrow.” peter tells you
“you’re spiderman.” you say, it still hasn’t hit you quite yet
“and you’re a vigilante with a daddy kink.”
“touche, parker.”
tag list: @smilexcaptainx @just-an-average-nerd @mstoomanynames @bcndevik @asadmarveltrashbag @bookgirlunicorn @spiderlingsweb @peterlikescats @i-alyssa
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donaldkingsbury · 5 years ago
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Did ya read the article?
SomeoneDid you even read the article?
Me:the tomatoes are ready being hurled at "liberals" & "feminists" for letting girls in the bsa. I was commenting on wut was gonna ripple through the zeitgeist on this. The waves are turning into Tsunamis, volcanos are erupting in the brains of ppl ejaculating upon the screen as they masticate upon grey pupon & chocolate covered zuccinis as they wear the hip new threads by Jams listening to new songs from Oingo Boingo, learning the mashed potatoe.
Someone:On a scale of 1-Snoop Dogg, how high are you right now?
Me: i wish I was high as Bukowski or drunk as Burroughs, wait hold up, reverse that. but I am only loaded on garlic spaghetti with pickles & peanut butter.
Someone else:Are you serious, yes it is. Cause the girls scouts could have changed their curriculum to deal with what they wanted. The boys scouts where set up for boys to be boys the girl scouts where set up for the same. So stop that shit
Someone else:The boy scouts where there to teach boys how to become men the girl scouts where there to teach girl how to become woman. Whats wrong with that?
Me: a scout is a scout is a scout. Scouting is for all, it's not limited to genitals or creating a propaganda of curriculum to be prescribed predetermined ways. The individual can take wut they choose from the buffet of learning & decide for themselves how they should in whatever way they want for themselves.
Someone else:My uncle was a boy scout leader my aunt a girl scout leader. They helped raise alot of young men and woman. Guess what woman are losing their uniqueness trying to be too much like men. We were put here to counteract men we do what they can't we arent equal in alot of ways
Someone else:
We lost our way raising our kids thats why kids are such assholes now. Parents lost their way. Teach them young teach them right help them think for themselves
Me: there was never a time I experienced in cubs or boy scouts in the 80s I thought "iph a girl or jung womyn does this they will lose the uniqueness of being a wombmyn." I wanted my wimmin friends there at camp. It woulda been fun & more enriching learning experience for all.
Someome else:Donald Joseph Kingsbury if u wanna have a discussion be a fucking adult and have one
Someone else:I'm far from dumb so don't treat me like i am
Someone:
Why not let boys have boy things, and girls have girl things. Why do girls need to invade boy spaces? Why is masculinity a trait that is being systematically annihilated?
Me to someone else:
I didn't make one joke in that response. I was being sincere. Oy
Someone else:Donald Joseph Kingsbury show me what was sincere?
Me to someone:masculinity isn't innately only a male thing. EVERYONE of the enterity of the sexes has attributes of both masculinity & femininity. By saying one is only this your by default limiting someone's natural being.
Someone:Except it's a defining trait of males. Why not let us have it, in our formative years?
Someone:I mean if gender is a social construct, why are trans males ruining female sports?
Me to someone else:was it because I spelled if as "iph" or young as "Jung" that's how I write at 1:36 am. But the message of my strung together individual words creating sentences illustrated a concrete factual though based on experience of what & how I thought 30+ years ago.
Someone else:How about talk like an adult
Me to someone: but it's not "defining" that's limiting. That's like the ole saying of "boys don't cry" great song & movie. But creating false stereotypes based on genitals is willingly dulling of the senses. It goes against the motif of self reliance & don't tread on me.
Me to to someone else:I'm an adult no matter what I say or do, or how I say it install like an adult. I couldn't escape it iph I try. Im a product of my age & time like anyone else.
Someone else:
So i hope u marry a real masculine bitch cause i bet u wont
Me to someone: i go back to my post on this subject a few days ago. There's so many things that need to be done. EVERYONE needs to be brought to the table. The young women & transsexuals right now are being used by pseudo conservatives for political reasons. It's as neasuating as the over reactions to the young woman who was wrestlingand earned hervspot but the young man got scared and used his "religious beliefs" to chicken out & orvwtestle her. But she wrestled like 10 other young men & destroyed them, but he got applauded. It was sad to watch.
Me to someone else: I wouldn't marry a dog. I maybe from Cleveland, I love my dawgs inn the dawg pound, but I wouldn't marry a K9. No no no, just say no.
Someone else:But u want woman to ne masculine
Someone else:They should be with the boys
Someone else:You put girls with boys they compete as boys
Me to someone else: no matter what a girl does she is a girl. No matter her actions or what she likes she is still a girl. Same all around.
Someone else: Whats wrong with teaching her to be a woman?
Me to someone else: she's a womyn no matter wut she does. She's aware of her body, she's aware of how strangers look at her, she's aware of the unsaid things she's supposed to do, she's aware of her hair & how the boys stare and how the limitations of & on clothes isn't fair, especially wut she wears, she's told it's her fault for distracting the boys who get erections at the wind blowing through the trees in the spring winter fall summer breeze
Me: Kids need to kids without the fargin trappings of false traditions that Harkens back to nostalgia of an age that never existed. Always room for Jello (biafra)
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chickenfetus · 7 years ago
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ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa
deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?
theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?
not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun
🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?
glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u
another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?
hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?
hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?
so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho
and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl
then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao
and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2
after that i wke up wild
☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?
i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long
😘 talk about your crush or partner
[minhyuk voice] theres none
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?
ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)
my personality (the good parts)
my values
my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)
🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?
the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon
🎁 what never fails to make you happy?
seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 
💙 what annoys you about some people?
i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now
😤 do you get angry easily?
yeahhhhh 
🐇 what do you always daydream about?
my faves tbh
🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?
bad people , gone.
everybody only sends love and happy things on anon
i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?
if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad
kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird
befriend: brian :-0
kill: jae goodbye loser
marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off
✈️ what is your dream city and why?
tokyo bc its NICE
☕️ talk about your ideal day
cant read
🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?
i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk
💧 when was the last time you cried?
nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend
🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment
oh worm
all alone - day6
with you - astro
dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)
run - bts (the superior bts song)
hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)
⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?
to fly bc im basic
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?
dont do that
💚 who are you jealous of and why?
nobody in general????????? 
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?
intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen
🙊 what are you ashamed of?
my humor
🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?
i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only
i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only
i wanna learn japanese and korean 
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?
the cow from voltron 
☁️ talk about your dream universe.
weve already discussed this
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?
oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?
let me live my life as a furry and cat
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike
are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go
so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh
she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/
now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 
“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 
another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 
she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong
being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 
ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 
i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately
we’ve once again already discussed this
🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?
i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?
sweets and chocolate cake
🍑 what are you obsessed with?
drinking water and staying hydrated
making my friends laugh is great 2
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?
acne LMAO 
😪 what are you sick of?
the usual
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?
i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 
💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?
lets not 
☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?
to a certain extent
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?
use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 
🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?
none
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?
my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low
🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?
my ocs
🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?
i dont have a dream hence myself
🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?
infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah
🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!
falen i dont rmb what u sent
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?
i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho
🐴 opinion on day6?
ur rly gonna do this 2m e?
all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it
so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 
i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.
now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 
theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver
to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 
one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.
another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 
tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?
there are days where i am more emotional than usual 
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.
this is tiring
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?
i sleep and boy it really helps
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?
rest
🌍 which country do you live in?
singapore
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words
lame funny swag
🐵 which quotes changed you?
“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017
💭 do you keep a diary?
nope
💫 who inspires you?
brian kang 
👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?
yes bc i love losing sleep
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?
terrible
🎬 what are some of your favourite films?
i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it
🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?
theres none lads
🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?
all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross
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strydcr · 7 years ago
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hellooo babes, i’m blair waldorf acacia (◠‿◠✿) nineteen, she/her, and the main admin here. lol sooo sorry you guys are all trapped in this rp with me. but wtver~ you guys will learn to adore my 3am messages comin’ up with plot that’ll hurt us and what not. also meet the beauty that is stryder estrellas. anyways, i’ll try to keep this as short as possible. since i always get lazy halfway thru writin’ intros. :~)) )) ) &&. of course this got way longer than expected so just find the ☪  at the end to read the summary // aim: alohacacia && skype: alohacacia
****psa you clicked on this so you’re obligated to plot with me srry but i don’t make the rules.
░   * . ╰ ✯ ›  ⊰ SELENA GOMEZ, CIS-FEMALE, TWENTY-THREE ⊱ is that STRYDER ESTRELLAS ? the BARISTA & FLORAL SHOP ASSISTANT MANAGER. they’re known to be INTELLIGENT & INDEPENDENT. but also BLUNT & CYNICAL. unknown to them, they are the reincarnation of PERSEPHONE.
BACKGROUND + TRIGGER WARNINGS: cheating 
well to kick things off, stryder is that one night stand baby. let’s call her biological dad “bio father/dad” and her mom’s husband “dad” then of course her mom is “mom”. sorry if this is confusing. but just think about how stryder is gonna feel once she finds out about this.
once upon a time her mom and her dad were happily in love. like they were the high school sweethearts who ended up getting married and blah blah blah. but before she was born, there was a point in time where the two broke up. probably once they were both about to start freshman year of college. that’s when her mom hooked up with stryder’s bio dad. she obviously ended up getting pregnant. but she ended up making up with stryder’s dad. SOOOOOOO…. he thinks he’s stryder’s father. but he ain’t. the one night stand hook up is.
stryder is completely unaware of the fact that he’s not her real father. her mom is still in contact with her biological dad. obviously, keeping that a secret from both her husband and stryder. but it’s only because her bio dad always sends her money to help provide for stryder. so basically this family is a mess. but only on the low. because on the outside this family is absolutely perfect. she grew up in a really nice household. suburban type of wealth in a town outside of los angeles, california. big house, nice cars, a vacation every now and then. but not rich enough to like be bill gates or something you get what i’m saying? just a nice upper middle class.
you might be wondering... how did they end up in seattle? one day her dad told the fam he had to move out to there because of work. (occupation: tbd) so they packed up everything they had and left. this was around the time stryder was starting her senior year of high school. stryder really isn’t the type to throw a fit over dumb shit. but you know this girl started bawling knowing she wasn’t going to graduate with her only two friends. ‘cause she had to start the loner life all over again.
now, stryder works at a small coffee shop as a barista and an assistant manager at a floral shop. (cause persephone, flowers, how cute.....) she does go to school at a community college about 30 minutes away from her house. probably studying to become a botanists. (a literal flowerchild yes.) and to her surprise she is actually enjoying living here. she doesn’t know why, but she feels drawn to the place.
PERSONALITY + RELATIONSHIPS + TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety 
PERSONALITY wise, she’s that tumblr post that’s like ——— me: i love myself i’m such a bitch // me: i hate myself i’m such a bitch. because one day she’ll be like “oh my god you’re my best friend!!!!!” then they’ll do her shady and she’ll be like “new phone who dis?” like do her dirty and she’ll get angry real quick. which is bad because it’ll trigger her anxiety. but yayayayayayayayyyyy. she’s the type to be sippin’ tea with her pinky finger up. she is the “is it bad that i secretly want to be hit by a car all the time” but also the “gotta better myself, my body, my skin and my bank account” type in one. she has a very clean exterior. although she outcast herself a lot. she does care about her appearance. (i.e. she has a sense of fashion.) she really likes to read and learn. so, you can always catch her doing something of the sort. talk to her about flowers or coffee and she gotchu. overall, stryder is pretty wishy washy. it all depends on her mood. she’s kind of a wallflower. isn’t exactly the most popular baby. but that’s by choice, not by force.
when it comes to FRIENDS stryder can always use some of 'em. she possess the qualities of a good friend loyal, honest, trustworthy. however, she can be quite obstinate. which might be a reason why she might not have as many friends as she would like. once her mind is set to think a certain way it’s hard to persuade her to believe otherwise. she’s the type of friend to listen to your problems, but be prepared to listen to her opinions – all of them. she’s also the type to put a friend in check when they need it. she thinks of it as trying to convince them to see the bigger picture. first impressions is something she might not be very good at. while she isn’t exactly the definition of rude, she tends to not filter then things she says. overall, i would say that she might just need a handful of friends and just a whole bunch of acquaintances.
i’m pretty sure stryder doesn’t think she has is ENEMIES. but, i could obviously understand why a girl like her would have any. she tends to be very outspoken and although she doesn’t mean to insult anyone or come off rude, she can’t help it. so, there’s always that. stryder is the type to hold grudges. (this is mostly because of her mother — trust issues man) she thinks once you fuck her over, then inevitably, you’re gonna do it again. basically, if you lose her trust everything you had, despite how far back your past goes, she isn’t going to trust you fully again. so if there was any type of fall out at all, stryder is gonna be pissed 5ever. but if in some point in time where she had to chose between her life and saving another’s, she’d save them before herself. stryder’s a good person guy’s. she has good morals. they’re just messed up in her black hole of thoughts. enemies? *grabby hands*
alright, so stryder and LOVERS. i have a feeling she’s dabbled in the dating world. she’s had a few boyfriends, dates, etc. but most likely nothing LONG TERM. possibly because she doesn’t see the point unless it’s for marriage. just like her mom and dad (lol troll.) she has the independent woman facade going on right now. which makes her seem like she doesn’t want anyone. but deep down she’s a hopeless romantic. this girl would love to be loved. and she truly needs it. most of the time she makes herself the outcast. this girl is completely oblivious to anyone having a crush on her. assuming friendship automatically. she’s probably read tons of books about love and fluffy shit like that. so she has high expectations when it comes to relationships. so someone rlly needs to come here and treat this girl right.
WANTED CONNECTIONS
FRIENDS
best friend — someone who will always be there for her. the person she feels most comfortable with. // m, f, or nb
partner in crime — they may not be the most reliable person like her best friend. but definitely someone she can get turnt tf up with. // m, f, or nb
childhood friend(s) — her first friend(s)! the one(s) she’s known since birth. she will never switch up on the real ones. (or so u think...) // m, f, or nb
ENEMIES
rivals — someone who hates her and some she hates too. maybe they just don’t get along yo. it happens // m, f, or nb
old bully — maybe somebody who bullied her or someone she might have bullied? bc honestly, if she bullied someone it would’ve been a joke. // m, f, or nb
old flame that didn’t end well — this is someone she used to date. maybe they wanted it to go further than just a date. but she ended up cutting ties with them. now it’s just made awk. // m, f, or nb
LOVERS
hate/love — just ‘cause these are my favorites. just little bickering. maybe they’re too much alike or just not a like at all. // m, f, or nb
old flame that ended well — the classic, exes that ended on good terms. they don’t hate each other at all. are actually still on really good terms. and possibly still have lingering feelings.  // m, f, or nb
currently dating — going on dates and what not. having a good time. who knows where this could go.  // m, f, or nb
MISCELLANEOUS
☪ overall, this bitch is flippy floppy. she’s loyal. quiet, but has a lot of opinions. intelligent, but sometimes stand-off-ish. she’s a bit of a feminist. trusts no bitch. but if you’re her friend, she’s chill AF. but really — she just doesn’t know how to process her good thoughts into words. she’s a barista and florist. she’s independent, hardworking, and determined. my muse for her is michelle (spider man homecoming) & margo roth spiegelman (paper towns). she’s a bit sketch when it comes to making new friends. since she’s a bit of a loner. and she’s super family oriented. despite her being absolutely oblivious to the fact that her mom cheated on her “dad” with her bio dad. anyways, give her girl scout cookies and she’ll love you til the end of time. overall, she’s not as lame as she portrays herself to be and is actually a pretty rad chick.
wEW this got waaaaaay longer than i expected it to be. anywho, if you actually read all this i love you and i cherish you hella. if you just skimmed, i would too. i would really love to plot with everyone. so just slide into my dms and we can get things started!! but okay, so, now imma go touch up my other intros. hope u don’t hate me after this long ass essay lmao. luv u *blows a kiss*
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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago
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Ali & Carly
Ali: Worth leaving your park for? Carly: fun Carly: he likes you more but its k cuz so do i Ali: nah Ali: he was so 😍 for the whole sitch I thought he might genuinely explode on sight Ali: it was fun tho, you were so good Carly: that would've been disappointing Carly: he was better than i thought hed be Carly: lads that cocky dont usually come through Carly: youre always good Ali: yeah, i'll give him that Ali: obviously overhyped himself but all lads do Ali: worth it to see my baby work it Ali: and i hope not 😉 Ali: though u can tell my Ma that, get me off the hook, like Carly: not just lads me too Carly: never seen you play someone like that before tho Carly: we gonna try this on caleb next or Carly: she scares me more than your ex but still would Carly: for you my baby Ali: how can you, you're perfect Ali: i know, crossing lads but not each other back then, babe Ali: not mad, not exactly my finest hour but wouldn't hate having met you sooner Ali: idk if it'd work on him Ali: he's not as dumb as Drew, bless him 😘 Ali: felt weird being at his house, woulda died if any of them had come back, like 😂 Ali: never mind my Ma, have you ever seen his? Carly: you're too sweet Carly: i kno cuz you wanna treat him nice like you do me Carly: not how you did drew hot as that was tho Carly: nah thats the first time ive been there & mas w sons give me space like Carly: sorry we should have brought him back to here my bad Ali: blah shut up 😏 Ali: obvs I wanna ride him too but idk Ali: gives off #loyal vibes to me so probs not a goer Ali: Well you know, had to show you what a real girl on girl on boy threesome was all about, boo Ali: nah, it added to the experience Ali: whatever it was, it wasn't boring Carly: i kno that he gives off 😍 for you Carly: & you like him Carly: catch you in his room collecting hair or w ever to put a spell on the boy Carly: when you could just do it the easy way Carly: aw never boring when im w you girl Carly: youve shown me a lot Ali: There's definitely attraction but I don't really know him Ali: Only see some people at parties, he's one of 'em Ali: like you said, we didn't properly SEE each other 'til now, did we? same kinda vibe Ali: my rep proceeds me 💀 Ali: where's the fun in easy? Ali: besides, I'm with you, and you're so fucking cute Ali: who else I need Carly: k but if you want him to see you you've gotta get out there Carly: if you can turn me you can make him forget your rep Carly: got the magic baby you kno Carly: you're cuter Carly: making me blush Ali: you're right Ali: work on being MORE extra Ali: the world ain't ready 😉 Carly: me either Carly: you're also so hot Carly: unfair Carly: if you get more Ali: baby Ali: making me miss you already Ali: that's what's unfair Carly: can i be at yours later tho Carly: my parents are fighting about me & think idk Carly: bitch its a caravan Ali: That's fun Ali: about parenting styles or? Ali: Of course you can Ali: I share a room with Ro though remember, so, best behaviour Carly: ha Carly: theyve got no flair Carly: about to throw this washing up bowl at my ma as my contribution to the convo Carly: shit i forgot Carly: maybe i shouldnt come over then Ali: trying to think of a witty one-liner for when you do Ali: all i've got is 'this convo is as dull as dishwater' lemme workshop it, hold fire boo Ali: nah, please come Ali: lmao, flashbacks to Drew there but forreal Ali: we can sleep on the sofa if needs Carly: lads are so funny Carly: i thought he was gonna cry w he thought we'd changed our minds Carly: good stash tho Carly: only reason my ma still running her mouth about me Carly: well zen Ali: another night crywanking Ali: gutting Ali: yeah, and you see all that fancy shit in his room, clearly on his big badman hype Carly: cant ever bring him here Carly: never hear the end Ali: gonna have trouble keeping him away now, babe Ali: 💦 Carly: only if youre here Carly: you speak the local lingo yea? Ali: Gabh mo leithscéal? Ali: 😏 Carly: wtf Carly: you could've just said yea babe Ali: could've but i'm a showoff Carly: cant act like i dont love it now Ali: can but it'd be a blatant lie Ali: right tongue workout, Gaelic, like Carly: thatll be why you bothered & i never Carly: very gay of you Ali: odds already stacked against me being 50% scum Ali: had to do what i could, babe Carly: help me out then Carly: my da's trying to start a fight w ronan's da who dont even speak english Carly: funny or fucked that he thinks thats where i go Carly: guaranteed his da is calling me a slag while my dad does the same Carly: ha Ali: 😒 Ali: fight for your honour or gtfo Ali: So stupid Ali: want me to rock up translator cum where you've been wasting your time? Carly: i told em all ive been too busy having 3ways w you & the golden god but they aren't having it Carly: gonna have to give you all a show, am i lads that aint what you want da but its what ill do k Carly: walking away before they start kissing themselves Carly: the tension Ali: Oh, middle-aged straight men Ali: never far away from a crisis or homoerotic awakening Ali: Join the club Carly: grab another beer lads itll be alright Carly: im not knocked up or running off with your lad Carly: do wanna get out of here tho Ali: Oh he is not potential baby daddy material at all Ali: Please Ali: come over or you wanna go somewhere else Ali: think my Da is firing up the BBQ, another staple of manliness Ali: sure we can keep him from brawling and strictly on the burgers tho Carly: who is Carly: get me on the ferry before you get me down the aisle Carly: k im walking Carly: keep me company babe Ali: valid Ali: benefits of being a gay is no awkward hush hush trips to England Ali: of course Carly: if only my parents believed i like you Carly: get back to slagging me off for other shit Carly: irish at me again. i liked it Ali: Bit offended, like, have you seen me guys? I'm a sensation Carly: i dont think they know who you are sorry Ali: Tá tuillte agat ar fud an domhain, Carly Walsh Ali: at least I can dramatically ask 'em then and really fucking mean my shock horror Carly: if you don't live on site you don't exist Carly: do i need to be offended at what you're saying about me in that gay tongue twister Ali: everyone got their own bubble Ali: i found out the world extends beyond the end of my street tho but you do you lads, it is easier that way Ali: tho not safer, ask ginge 😈 Ali: i hope not Ali: was nice, promise Carly: i wanna see more of it than this Carly: like you said wheres the fun in easy Carly: shit yea shes your ronan like Carly: she gonna show herself at the bbq Carly: i believe you, you don't kno how to be anything else to me even if you should Ali: You will Ali: Make sure of it Ali: I've shown you the stars, gonna show you the wonders on this world too, scout's honour Ali: omg, so is Ali: although she doesn't occasionally come by when she's horny Ali: so we're safe Ali: she'd never trust me serving her a bevvy, like 🧙‍♀️ #witchesbrew Ali: why should I? don't be telling me what to do woman 😜 Carly: maybe she should Carly: she might be less sad and mad once she's had a ride w you Carly: you gonna play like you don't like it now Carly: just in the bedroom k hear you Ali: I'll put it out there Ali: get ready to cover my bruises this time Ali: 😏 Ali: time and a place, baby Carly: if you're showing her what real magic is she can't be mad Carly: but if she is she can go through me i got you girl Carly: wont beat me a second time like Ali: my lil million dollar baby Ali: into it Carly: your sister would be too Carly: not in the same way but would get her on side Ali: she's so on side Ali: now she knows you ain't tryna be my bosom bud like that Carly: she still dont vibe w me tho Carly: i kno it wasnt just that Ali: she's just shy, don't worry Ali: no one out here you need to impress but me and i already am Carly: what about your ma and da Carly: i kno they arent shy Carly: how do you want me to play that Ali: just be you you don't gotta do anything more or less baby Carly: im scared Ali: you don't have to be, I swear, Ma's not as bad as she 👀 and my Da's a big softie Ali: you can just come as my friend, they aren't gonna pry Carly: k Carly: i trust you Carly: itll be fun yea Ali: s2g Ali: you can meet Tommo, you'll like him Ali: and your fave will be dying for your attention, obvs Carly: mystery boy Carly: is he hot like your other brothers Ali: i'm not gonna confirm or deny 'cos bit weird Ali: also potentially rude if I nah it 'cos I reckon he ain't your type Ali: I cannot promise hot brothers making an appearance but you might get 🍀 Carly: hot sister then Carly: I dont mean my fangirl but the older one Ali: package deal with the freckly one Ali: not rock, weirddd Ali: but see, so ready with the compliments they're gonna 💚 u Carly: he's hot too Carly: & you kno i think the littlest is such a cutie Carly: but i dont wanna compliment anyone but you Ali: I'm not gonna complain about that Carly: better not cuz im almost at yours Carly: its too hot to turn around & walk back Ali: yay! Ali: lemme come get you Ali: i wanna kiss you before we have to be social Carly: i want you to kiss me whenever you feel like it Ali: might just take you up on that Carly: do cuz it means i can too Ali: deal 💚
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vera-invenire · 7 years ago
Text
batman vs superman, pt 2
part one is here!
And we’re back at Luthor’s party where he’s giving a not at all significant speech about Prometheus, who stole from the gods, and the criminal injustice of having knowledge without power:
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Bruce goes off to snoop around. Like five people clock Bruce as he oh so stealthily makes his way to Luthor’s servers.
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Good job, Bruce.
Alfred, over the comm: “Maybe some girl from Metropolis will make him honest. Ha, in your dreams, Alfred.” I kind of love that this is Alfred’s defining character beat. He wants Bruce to have babies!
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the first clash between Bruce and Clark where we find out that these two men are Not Impressed with each others’ alter egos.
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Bruce tries to brush Clark off, but Clark plays the upright Boy Scout and says some not nice things about Batman’s effect on the people of Gotham. This, Bruce will not take. He’s like, ‘little boy, you don’t know shit, you ESPECIALLY don’t know shit about Gotham, and also your city’s cape is a menace with good PR, now run along, son, and stop wasting my time.’ He actually calls Clark ‘son’ dismissively and, you know what, it fits.
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Clark: “He (Batman) thinks he’s above the law,” well, now, that’s not hypocritical of you at all, Supes. Honestly, I’m with Bruce here.
Bruce: “Maybe it’s the Gotham City in me; we just have a bad history with freaks dressed like clowns.” Oh, burn. This is why you don’t diss Gotham in front of Bruce. Or imply that maybe Batman has a not so great effect on the city, possibly. Bruce will not take kindly to it.
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“Boys! Bruce Wayne meets Clark Kent. I love it. I love bringing people together!” And here’s Luthor to butt in and give some fourth-wall breaking prattle.
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Man, those two tower over him.
So Alfred has been talking with Bruce through an earpiece, coordinating the hack into Luthor’s systems. Clark, with his super hearing, has been picking up on Alfred’s voice over the comm and is like, ‘what the hell?’
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Clark tails Bruce - he’s right behind Bruce, but Bruce doesn’t notice? - until a Spanish-language news report about a fire in Mexico catches his attention. Bruce continues on to where he left his hacking doohickey on Luthor’s server only to find, gasp, the doohickey is gone!
Bruce turns, and there’s the woman in red who has been walking mysteriously through the crowd all this time.
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Yes, the dress is red. I know, it’s hard to tell. The colors are clearer on my TV screen than in the caps, to be fair.
“I can’t believe they’re going to let that poor girl die,” the news broadcast says, so Clark loosens his tie and leaves the premises. Alas, Diana also leaves the premises, giving Bruce the slip and leaving him all alone.
Clark saves the girl in Mexico. He’s greeted by an awed and reverent crowd of people in full Day of the Dead costume, all of them reaching out to touch him as if he were God.
No, I’m not making this up.
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You know, somehow I feel like I’ve seen this before...
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Ah, yes. It’s funny how the component parts of these scenes are so similar. Wonder how that happened. Like, what’s the underlying theme.
:/
Jump to a news/opinion show that straight up uses the words ‘savior’, ‘religion’, ‘messianic figure’ re: Superman.
(also apparently the Senator lady from Kentucky who’s been dragging Superman in public hearings is a Democrat. From Kentucky. The state of McConnell and Rand. Yeah, okay.)
(Why didn’t they just make her from Kansas, though. Smallville’s in Kasnas!)
Montage of news clips interspersed with Clark saving people from various disasters in slow-mo. Cameo by Neil deGrasse Tyson.
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...and they copied Katrina footage. Of course they did. *eye-twitch*
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I had just started my first week as a college freshman in New Orleans when Katrina hit and this bull - no, you know what. I’m not gonna talk about this. I will leave it at the *twitch*. A BIG TWITCH.
Moving on, Clark wants to do stories on Batman, but Perry’s like, ‘uh, no, you do your job and write the stories I tell you to write. What do you think this is, 1938.’ Wow, such a random year, wonder why that one came to mind, hmmmmmm.
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This is Perry, unimpressed as ever with Clark’s hustle.
“Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking on the Batman.” Gee, then why’d you make a movie about it...
(They really do hang an awful lot of lampshades, re: the premise of this movie.)
Cut to the mysterious woman! She’s in a ridiculously classy-looking museum looking at Alexander the Great’s sword when, wouldn’t you know it, Bruce Wayne himself shows up to hover over her shoulder. Gasp.
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I don’t think she’s impressed.
Bruce does some unprompted mansplaining about the sword - it’s a fake - only for the mysterious woman to cut him off because she knows perfectly well what she’s looking at and where the real one is. Take that, Brucie.
She tries to politely disengage, but Bruce follows and grabs her arm. You can see the moment where he nearly lost his hand, but this lady is too classy and forgiving to cause an exasperating scene.
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He is o b l i v i o u s.
Bruce says she stole his doohickey and that wasn’t polite. She shoots back, ha, you were trying to doohickey your way in without permission, don’t talk to me about polite, only she says it in a much more elegant way.
We find out she’s looking for a photograph Luthor has in his possession, but she wasn’t able to crack Luthor’s encryption after all.
Bruce tries to smooth talk her.
This dialogue. Ugh.
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Bruce, getting way too far in her personal space to murmur in her ear: “You know, I bet with that dress, 9 out of 10 men would let you get away with anything.”
“But you’re the 10th?” <--matter of fact, not impressed
“I’m guessing I’m the first (slight pause) to see through that babe-in-the-woods act.”
Bruce, the only reason you get laid is because you have money. And to think I was actually liking you more than Clark at this point. How is ‘Batman’ an easier person to like than ‘Bruce Wayne’, I ask you.
But really, what ‘babe-in-the-woods’ act??? This woman has been running circles around you and she’s been on screen for less than two minutes so far! She straight up told you her motive. She’s not playing innocent, she’s just not engaging your dumb ass when she doesn’t need to.
Bruce: “You don’t know me, but I’ve known a few women like you.”
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Look at that smile. You don’t even need the next line of dialogue, the look says it all. “I don’t think you’ve ever known a woman like me.”
AND ALSO
“You know what, it’s true what they say about little boys. Born with no natural inclination to share.” She tugs his bowtie, no sexual tension.
She informs Bruce that she already returned the doohickey, it’s in the glove compartment of his car.
Then she walks away. He never even gets her name. (though she names him as she takes her leave and that’s an interesting power dynamic, yes.)
Bruce takes his dongle to his Bat Cave to crack the encryption, and then we suddenly cut to -
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Holy post-apocalyptic!vision, Batman! (or daydream? who knows what goes on in Bruce’s head)
The city in front of him (Gotham? Metropolis?) is basically a ruined corpse of itself; huge pillars of firey death are scattered all around. Even Batman’s binoculars are cracked - it appears he’s fallen on some hard times.
A caravan of trucks that looks a mite sketchy pulls up, but surprise, looks like Batman is working with them. They’re delivering ‘the rock.’
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Hm, looks a bit more like a bomb to me. Delivered in a LexCorp box to boot.
This is where I start really questioning this scene. Does Bruce know about kryptonite at this point? If he doesn’t, then where exactly is this vision coming from?
But wait!
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Half of the guards kills the other half in a turn that’s actually very reminiscent of Lois’ escapades at the beginning of the movie. (Deliberate? Honestly can’t tell.)
And the turncoats? All wearing tactical gear with a big ole Superman ‘S’ patch on their shoulders.
Bruce goes ‘noooooo!’, enters the fight, takes one of their guns and starts shooting people with it while using another gun as a club.
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I’m gonna be honest here, it’s not even that great of a fight scene. The random alien bugs that come out of nowhere (??? Bruce, if this is your imagination, I have questions) don’t help all that much.
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...and Bruce just snapped a guy’s neck. Just to really drive the point home that this is the Bad Future of No Hope, I guess.
Bruce gets overwhelmed and knocked out. He wakes up to this.
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And then this.
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Look, the ‘must crush cockroach’ look is back!
The guards kneel to Clark as he does his murder-walk toward Bruce and the other prisoners. Said prisoners promptly get laser-visioned in half by Clark‘s murder-glare.
Clark unmasks Bruce. He says, “She was my world. And you took her from me.”
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Then he - tears Bruce’s heart from his chest? Yes, yes, Bruce takes Clark’s heart, so Clark takes his. It’s painful and likely (haha, ‘likely’) fatal.
It also shocks Bruce back to his Bat Cave in the present day, but the fun’s not over yet!
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Going by the half-assed facial hair, I’m assuming this is the Flash from the future. Which future, who knows. I don’t think he even knows, tbh. But future!Flash has a message to pass on.
“It’s Lois, Lois Lane, she’s the key.”
Bruce’s expression: who the fuck is Lois Lane. the key to fucking what. why is there a disembodied torso surrounded by lightening in my Bat Cave.
And then future!Flash is like, shit, shit, “am I too soon? fuck, I’m too soon.” But he doesn’t let this stop him from delivering the rest of his unhelpfully vague message:
“You’re right about him! You’ve always been right about him! Fear him! Fear him!”
So my question is, are we supposed to believe future!Flash gave Bruce this vision? Or that Bruce got a glimpse of the future as a side-effect of future!Flash showing up in his Bat Cave? The presence of Kryptonite in a LexCorp box makes it likely the vision wasn’t one of Bruce’s freaky nightmares if he doesn’t know Luthor has that yet. (though this movie has already shown him having troubling visions. unless, gasp, is the bat!mommy real, too?)
Future!Flash says, “Find us, you have to find us!” and then vanishes just in time for the Bat Computer to finish decrypting Luthor’s files. Bruce - assumes it’s all a dream? Who knows.
Next bit amps up the brewing conflict between Supes and the Bat. Clark gets a Mysterious Package with pictures of Bruce’s branded victims, calling him out for being judge, jury and executioner -
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- while Bruce argues with Alfred about stealing kryptonite from a LexCorp ship to use against Superman. It’s a little unclear if he really thought the ship was carrying a dirty bomb at first and only just found out it was carrying kryptonite through Luthor’s files, or if he knew all along.
What is clear is that he really, really wants to take down Superman for the good of the millions of people Superman might otherwise kill. “If we believe there’s even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty. And we have to destroy him.”
Alfred argues that Supes is not the enemy, Bruce says, yeah, not today. “Twenty years in Gotham - how many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?” Hi Harvey, Hi Jason.
One good thing about the early part of this convo is we find out that Bruce is shit at lying to Alfred. Because of course he is.
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Alfred knows your tricks, Bruce, he taught you most of them.
Back at the Planet -
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Perry: “KENT!! Where does he go. Where does he go?”
Reporter, walking away fast: “I don’t...I don’t know.”
Perry: “Clicks his heels three times, goes back to Kansas, I suppose.”
Brief scene of Lois clandestinely giving the Mysterious Government Bullet to a Senator, possibly to try and exonerate Superman. Scenes are getting shorter again.
And now we have Bats, being very dramatic at the docks.
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Can you see him? He’s there. His cape is very flow-y, trust me on this.
Cue car chase to get Luthor’s rock. On the one hand, we get the Batmobile, Batman’s favorite accessory. On the other, he literally crushes, flips, and drags upside down cars while people are still in them. This isn’t even the Hell Future, it’s present day. The people behind this film aren’t even trying, are they.
...he just threw a car at another car while the mooks cried, ‘nooo!’ at their on-coming death.
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Oh, and Batman has machine guns in the bumper of his car. But that’s okay because the mooks had a rocket launcher in their truck.
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Bruce chases the nearly demolished truck, they’re getting away, he takes a sharp turn -
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Uh-oh.
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Clark’s here.
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And he kicks Bruce’s car into a wall.
tbc...
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wtfcami-blog1 · 8 years ago
Note
hmmm can i say all of them? and can phe be ❂? :) ily
☮ for an apologetic text
[ cami  → lido ] : i feel like i’ve been so fucking moody lately[ cami  → lido ] : it’s the stupid fucking baby hormones is2g[ cami  → lido ] : sorry for getting so emo all the time i dont mean to it just happens
⊙ for a reaction to your muse’s nudes text
[ cami  → lido ] : have u always been that crooked babe???[ cami  → lido ] : jk[ cami  → lido ] : but really i’d rather see it in person so make that happen 👅👅 
❋ for a hopeful text
[ cami  → lido ] : can you believe this?? [ cami  → lido ] : we both had such shit parents and now we’re gonna be parents[ cami  → lido ] : and we’re gonna make up for every single fuck up our parents made and we’re gonna be so much better[ cami  → lido ] : we have to be
☯ for an adoring text
[ cami  → lido ] : thank you for being with me through all of this shit[ cami  → lido ] : i kinda thought you were going to run or tell me you didn’t want it when i told you i was pregnant[ cami  → lido ] : but like you’ve been so great and almost fully sober and it means so much[ cami  → lido ] : i really care about you a lot
ღ for a friend-crush text
[ cami  → lido ] : i like u, do u like me??[ cami  → lido ] :  check yes or yes[ cami  → lido ] : [ ] yes   [ ] yes
❤ for an affectionate text
[ cami  → lido ] : the baby wants to cuddle[ cami  → lido ] : like idk i mean she has a mind of her own[ cami  → lido ] : i mean u know i don’t really like cuddling so much[ cami  → lido ] : but she told me she wants to and we can’t tell her no
✂ for a worried text about the receiver
[ cami  → lido ] : babe[ cami  → lido ] : babe??[ cami  → lido ] : i saw your dad talking to you[ cami  → lido ] : what’s going on?? is everything okay??
☺ for a complimentary text
[ cami  → lido ] : you legit have such a cute butt[ cami  → lido ] : it’s so nice and round[ cami  → lido ] : and then ur back dimples are adorable[ cami  → lido ] : but really i think ur butt is my fav part of u[ cami  → lido ] : and u’ve officially run out of cami compliments for the month 
❂ for a text about another character (hophelia)
[ cami  → lido ] : how could arlo treat her like this??[ cami  → lido ] : like she’s legit a queen and he just tosses her to the side??[ cami  → lido ] : he knows what he’s doing and he keeps doing it[ cami  → lido ] : and ophelia deserves so much more she’s been through so much[ cami  → lido ] : i swear i’m going to kill the next person that hurts her
✳ for a holiday text
[ cami  → lido ] : happy no socks day[ cami  → lido ] : i hope ur wearing socks just to stick it to the man
♆ for a sext
[ cami  → lido ] : this second trimester horniness was no joke[ cami  → lido ] : babe[ cami  → lido ] : i need u to drop whatever ur doing and come over rn[ cami  → lido ] : i might already be reaching for my toys…
☼ for a joking text
[ cami  → lido ] : youre gonna be the one to drive me to the hospital when im in labor right??[ cami  → lido ] : lol jk you’ll kill us both and a girl scout 
↔ for a bitching text
[ cami  → lido ] : my back is fucking killing me[ cami  → lido ] : and then this bitch grabbed a dress right out of my fucking hands at bendels and said ‘lol ur too fat for this bitch’[ cami  → lido ] : ok she didn’t say that but i swear her face did and i wanted to punch tf out of her for it
♣ for a gossipy text
[ cami  → lido ] : ok but like are reza and mariana going to happen??[ cami  → lido ] : bc he’s like a huge fucking dick and she deserves better[ cami  → lido ] : but like i saw them dancing and she seems super into him wtf
$ for a lying text
[ cami  → lido ] : shut up i hate you
☆ for a longing text
[ cami  → lido ] : i feel like i haven’t seen you in like 3 years[ cami  → lido ] : idc if ur busy come over rn[ cami  → lido ] : i have needs
♬ for a fangirl/boy gushing text
[ cami  → lido ] : why don’t you and matty hang out as much anymore??[ cami  → lido ] : you two were my otp[ cami  → lido ] : mattido
★ for a dumb meme or inside joke text
[ cami  → lido ] : youre such a heinous rat is2g[ cami  → lido ] : omfg[ cami  → lido ] : if you ever get back into the dj thing u should make that ur stage name heinous rat
♘ for a questioning text
[ cami  → lido ] : ok but like[ cami  → lido ] : who tf was that ugly ass brunette?? 👀👀
♬ for a music rec or lyric text
[ cami  → lido ] : but what’s somebody in a nobody town?
☽ for a sleepy text
[ cami  → lido ] : our little girl take all of my energy away[ cami  → lido ] : all i did was walk a few blocks and now i can barely keep my eyes open[ cami  → lido ] : she’s just a tiny thing and she’s already trying to take me for all that i have[ cami  → lido ] : and she’s winning, good night
☢ for a snarky text
[ cami  → lido ] : why the fuck is patience a virtue? [ cami  → lido ] : hurrying the fuck up should be one instead gdi
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chickenfetus · 7 years ago
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HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)
who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 
azalea: what’s one word that describes you?
lame lmao
baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?
honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops
begonia: are you a messy or clean person?
i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 
bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?
hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so
bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?
i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now
buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?
what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house
my favorite people (u know who + my friends)
when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam
this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 
finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste
im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 
calla: what’s your favorite book?
ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 
challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)
see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)
a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 
carnation: what are your five most played songs?
i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group
again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)
letting go - day6
all in/stuck - monsta x
death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance
check yes juliet - we the kings
chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?
i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things
daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?
capricorn 
dahlia: what’s your favorite band?
this question was made for me its day6
daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?
ive never watched friends 
dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?
in between!!!!!
geranium: how has your day been?
its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags
hydrangea: what’s your dream job?
pass
iris: who’s your celebrity crush?
pass
lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?
oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH
lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?
i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 
marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?
well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late
morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?
now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  
orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?
i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 
pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?
i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 
peony: what does your url mean?
chicken fetus means an egg
periwinkle: what are you thankful for?
god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...
so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy
petunia: where were you ten years ago?
10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses
poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?
dead thanks
poppy: what’s your online persona?
i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 
rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?
all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed
snapdragon: what are your goals?
pass
sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?
i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now
tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
for all of my favourite people to be happy forever
a good future
i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks
violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?
i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion
zinnia: do you believe in magic?
no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 
JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u
to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!
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