#i told myself i'd let it go because I understand the annoyance with the idea of the pit madness

[glitter-stained]

I used to dislike Lazarus Pit Madness headcanons but I've seen people say "he doesn't need magic madness he has normal madness" and "why would you need a magical explanation for his behaviour have you people never heard of cptsd" and while I understand the sentiment (and Jason definitely has cptsd) this is exactly what I'm talking about when I say dc has a dangerous habit of demonizing/villanizing mental illness and it has a real impact on the fandom's perception of mental illness. Winnick isn't the worst when it comes to Jason's writers but the fact that he wrote Jason as both a brilliant hypercompetent villain and a sympathetic character that makes you go "oh hey, he has a point..." should not distract you from the fact that no, decapitation is not a common symptom of cptsd.

[raysrays]

Fatal Attraction Chapter Four (NSFW)

18+ MDNI‼️

CW for the entire story: Breeding, Size Difference, Size Kink, Jealousy, Scent Marking, Age Difference, Vaginal Sex, Possessive Behavior, Angst, Twisted, Creampie, Angry Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Hair-pulling, Biting, Master/Pet, Light Dom/sub, Violence, Knotting.

Content disclaimer: This story is inspired by the amazing artist @PammyJammy117 on Twitter/X. I in absolutely no way own or claim the idea of the "Cryptid Rengoku" character. Please give credit to the original artist who inspired the story.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three,

Y/N Perspective.

The walk home was quiet, filled only with the sounds of the woods and the clicking noises he made. I knew where he was taking me: that den. Despite the haze that clouded my mind when I woke up this morning, I managed to recall certain details I noticed while trying to quietly escape.

It was just as you would expect from a cryptid living deep in the woods. The den was secluded, hidden by a tree line, and resembled an ominous cave. It appeared cold and empty, nothing that would stand out if you happened to notice it.

The inside told a different story. It was warm, with the floor lined with coarse furs and wool from other animals. It remained dark for the most part unless a fire was lit or the sun managed to peek through. Towards the back was the “nest” he spoke of; he said he made it for me, for us.

It was exactly what it sounded like: a nest. It was large, with a base of sticks and wood, topped with furs that were different--much softer and plush to the touch. Truthfully, with some blankets, it could be the most comfortable place to be during the cold winter months.

I’ve also noticed that Kyojuro is quite comfortable himself. His fur is soft, and he radiates warmth like any fire. Sure, he’s a ruthless, psychotic monster, but at least he’s nice to sleep with.

It didn’t take long for us to reach our destination. Once we arrived, he led me straight to the nest, sitting me down inside it. Before I could say anything, I felt his tail wrap tightly around my waist, pulling me against him. He curled up around me, holding me close.

"I’m not going to run," I reassured him.

He scoffed, as if I'd just told a ridiculous joke.

"You really expect me to believe that after the stunt you pulled this morning?" His eyes narrowed at me.

"You don’t understand. It wasn’t what it looked like. I didn’t leave because I wanted to escape. I needed to leave because--"

"Tamayo." He growled her name as if she were the bane of his existence.

"You do not belong to this Tamayo woman. You belong to me." His tail tightened around my waist, starting to hurt.

"It’s not like that. She gives me a place to stay. She’s been extremely good to me."

"I also provide for you." His pointed ear twitched in annoyance.

"I will always provide for my mate. No matter what some human can do for you, I can do more!" He sat up straighter, his voice loud and confident.

I glanced over at the opening of the den. Through the vines, I could see the sky turning orange. It would be late soon.

While I’m completely aware I’m not much assistance to Tamayo as a whole, I can’t just abandon her. She has every right to throw me out and tell me to fend for myself, but she doesn’t. She gives me grace every time. I don’t know her well enough to call her a friend, but I can say she is a good person--a mentor with a passion for monster hunting.

I can’t just disappear.

I have to help her, find something, anything to aid her research. I owe it to her. A hundred times over.

I turn back to look at Kyojuro, his red eyes staring holes into me. Glowing red.

“You are not going anywhere,” he said sharply and to the point.

I could feel my body tense up. This was a cryptid’s influence--the influence of a mate.

Even if I wanted to sneak off now, my body wouldn’t let me, or it would make me sick until I came crawling back. If I wanted to make things right, I had to convince Kyojuro it was a good idea.

“Will you please, please just hear me out at least? Just let me explain.” I sounded pathetic, begging like a damn dog.

I could see his gaze soften slightly as he sat back to get a better look at me.

“Fine, I’ll let my mate explain why she needs to go gallivanting off to this woman so desperately.”

I thought for a moment about how to make him understand. I wasn't sure how well a cryptid could grasp human emotions, let alone human relationships.

To him, anyone who interacts with me seems like a threat, someone who could take me away. Of course, that isn't true, but it must be his animalistic instincts.

"Kyojuro, before I met you, I was living alone, just trying to get by on the streets of that village you saw."

I saw a slight shift in his gaze, a mix of confusion and maybe pity.

"My point in telling you this is because Tamayo was the one who helped me. She saw I was struggling and took me in, gave me a place to stay and food to eat. All she asked in return was my assistance."

He narrowed his eyes slightly, the clicking sounds starting up more intensely as I went on. The sob story wasn’t working. I needed a different approach.

"Without Tamayo, it's very possible I would never have met you, Kyojuro. It’s because of her that we found each other."

I saw a slight change in his demeanor; his tail loosened a bit.

"Tamayo isn’t a bad person, Kyojuro. She has helped me a lot, and I haven’t been able to do a single thing to return those favors."

I looked at him desperately.

"Please, I'll be your mate, I’ll come here every night, whenever I can, but please don’t make me never see her again.”

He looked conflicted, seemingly considering it for a moment, until his tail lifted me off the ground to look me in the eyes.

“Y/N, as my mate, you are to stay here. No exceptions. I marked you as mine, I claimed you as mine. And you agreed to it.” His face was so close to mine.

I couldn’t deny it. It was true. All of this, I agreed to it. I wanted to tell myself I did it out of fear, afraid of what would happen if I said no. But I knew that was a lie.

The hard truth is that I am attracted to him. I genuinely have feelings and a sexual attraction to this cryptid monster, one of the nine most dangerous in the region.

"I know, I know I agreed to be your mate. I still want to be. But can’t there be a way for you to meet me in the middle? After all her kindness and patience with me, I can’t let her think I took advantage of that and abandoned her.”

He hesitated, looking at me as if he needed to process my words.

“Please… mate, please let me make this right.”

His eyes immediately softened at my words. He set me down gently on the nest before hovering over me.

“Y/N L/N,” he growled my name in a way that sent shivers down my spine, his voice echoing and causing my heart to race.

“I will allow you to pay your debts that you feel you owe. I am not cruel.”

I could practically feel my body relax.

“However.”

I looked up at him.

“As I said, you belong to me. You are bound to me.” He growled as he leaned down closer and closer to me. “What I say goes. You will be allowed to see this Tamayo woman during the day and aid her in whatever it is she wishes to prove, but at night, you will be here with me, in our nest. Without exception.”

I took a deep breath. His demands would be difficult, but I had to make it work. This was the best compromise I could hope for with him.

"Yes, okay. I can do that," I agreed quickly.

He stared at me for a moment before slowly rising. He looked out and finally noticed the darkening sky.

"The sun is setting. You may return tonight. Blame your tardiness on 'your old friend' from the market," he scoffed.

I stood up, glancing at my tattered clothing. I wasn't sure how I would explain it this time, but I’d figure something out.

I felt his eyes burning into me, making me uncomfortable and a little hot and bothered.

His large hand grabbed my face firmly, his claws digging slightly into my cheeks.

"That man you were with in the market today. Stay away from him," he spoke lowly.

I knew cryptids were possessive, but I never realized they could get jealous. Oh, if only he knew how little Yushiro liked me.

I nodded to show I understood. He let go and took a step back, looking me over.

"Your visit will be brief. You will return here tonight, or I will drag you here myself." The threat was clear and immediate.

“Okay, I’ll return later tonight, you won’t have to come get me.” I reassure.

His intense gaze never faltered. Now that I know kyojuro has a human form he can change to at will, I wouldn’t put it past him to follow me around everywhere.

He gives me the approval to leave.

-----------------

The walk back was just as annoying as I remembered, hiking out of the woods only to return the same night.

This sucked. I know I’m not in a position to complain, but I feel like he forgets I’m human. My body is sore and tired; all I want is sleep.

Once the house was in sight, I made my way in, passing a few of the other people Tamayo has recruited, until I spotted Yushiro.

He looked up and saw me. As soon as he looked me up and down, he gave me his usual look of judgment.

“What the hell happened to your clothes? And where have you been?” His tone was skeptical but with a hint of concern.

“I’m sorry, I was with my friend and…” I hesitated, unsure how to explain my torn clothes.

“…we decided to go for a walk in the woods while we talked. I accidentally tripped.” I gave a sheepish smile.

What a dumb lie.

He raised an eyebrow, glancing at my clothes again.

“I’d say it’s impossible to mess up your clothes that badly from a trip, but knowing you, you’d find a way.” He scoffed.

Before he could walk away, I gently grabbed his shoulder.

“Wait, where is Tamayo? Is she in?”

Yushiro nodded.

“She’s in her study, probably settling in for the night. If you’re going to bother her, do it quickly.” He shrugged my hand off his shoulder.

Before I could say anything else, he was already halfway down the hall.

This shouldn’t take long. I just need to understand Tamayo’s plan and coordinate it with Kyojuro’s demands.

I stood in front of her study door and knocked lightly.

“Come in,” came her faint voice from behind the door.

When I entered, she was standing behind her desk, putting away some books. She glanced over her shoulder, her gaze softening when she saw me.

“Ah, Y/N. How was the market with Yushiro? He said you ran into an old friend,” she said casually.

“It was fine. I’m sorry for taking so long. Did Yushiro give you the supplies I got?”

She nodded as she placed the last book on the shelf and turned to face me.

“Yes, I got everything. I was pleased to hear you have someone to talk to outside of the group,” she said with a smile.

I started to feel awkward. Any time Kyojuro was mentioned, guilt washed over me. Tamayo had been searching for these creatures her whole life, and here I was, sharing a nest with one of them, keeping it a secret from her.

“Yes, it was very nice to see him again. It had been quite some time,” I said, playing along with the story I made up.

Tamayo's gaze swept over me. “Looks like you had a nice time indeed.” Her teasing was unexpected.

Tamayo rarely discussed anything with me other than monster hunting, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. I needed to focus on why I was here.

“Tamayo, I actually needed to talk to you about your next steps for the group. Is there anything you need me to do?”

She looked a bit surprised; it wasn’t often I showed much interest in her projects.

She grabbed a small map off her desk and unrolled it, pointing to the northeast.

“We didn’t have much luck in the northern area, so I think it’ll be better if we start going east. I intend to cover the whole region.”

A worry gnawed at my chest. Kyojuro's demands about what I can and cannot do echoed in my mind. He had expressed his anger with me for going north--the same night he marked me and claimed me as his mate.

“So, how can I help with that?”

“You’ll travel with Yushiro and me. It’ll just be us.”

I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Why me? Yushiro hates me every other day, and I contribute nothing more than eating their food.

“Why do you want me to go? Wouldn’t it be better to send some of the more experienced hunters with you?”

She gave me a slight nod.

“Yes, usually that would be the case. However, those hunters are only ‘experienced’ because they’ve had the chance to gain that experience. You, Y/N, need to get some under your belt as well.”

Well, I guess that makes sense.

“Another reason is I need some of the people who have been here longer to keep an eye on the woods around this place. We’ve noticed some strange noises and activity lately. It’s quite possible there could be something out there, so close, and we wouldn’t even know it.”

I had to keep a straight face, but my heart sank. It had to be Kyojuro; he keeps coming around because I’m here. He’s going to blow his cover and be found out.

I needed to talk to him, to explain that Tamayo and the others were catching on to his presence. I had to warn him to stay away.

Tamayo tilted her head, noticing I was lost in thought.

“Y/N?” She called my name softly.

I met her eyes for a moment before speaking. “When will we start our journey? Is it soon?”

She shrugged. “I’m still working on the details. Give me a day or so to get everything lined out, and I can give you a proper timeline.”

I felt a little relief. At least I had two days to process this with Kyojuro. Maybe with more time, he wouldn’t be as aggressive or angry. At least, that’s what I hoped.

----------

The walk back to the den wasn’t as bad as I expected. It was hard to see in the dark, but I was starting to memorize the path.

Sneaking out of my room was going to be annoying. They weren’t exactly keeping tabs on me, but people would get suspicious if they saw me walking into the woods every night and not returning until morning.

Everything about this felt complicated, but I was sure I’d get used to it. I still didn’t know how to convince Kyojuro to let me go east with Tamayo and Yushiro--probably two of his most disliked humans at the moment.

Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure another Hashira lives in that area, mainly near water. Tomioka...something like that. I remember reading about him in the books I found while trying to learn more about Kyojuro.

The only thing I remember about Tomioka is that he looks like some kind of kraken/human hybrid. Probably like a creepier, more unsettling mermaid. But the book never mentioned he was aggressive or dangerous like Shinazugawa.

Maybe Kyojuro wouldn’t be so opposed to it this time.

I could see the den, a faint light peeking through the vines that covered the entrance. When I walked in, I saw Kyojuro sitting by the fire he had started, which lit up most of the den.

He looked at me, his ears perking up, and smiled with his sharp teeth.

“Ah! So you can follow orders correctly!” he laughed enthusiastically.

I was caught off guard by his demeanor. Before everything that had happened recently, Kyojuro and I had talked casually in the woods. I wouldn’t call us friends exactly, but he was always playful and entertaining.

Given the recent circumstances, I hadn't seen this side of him in a while. He must be relaxing a little bit.

Do I really want to ruin his mood by asking to travel?

He got up from his spot by the fire and walked over to me, his tail wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. He lifted me up in his arms, nuzzling his head against my cheek.

“My mate has returned to me, just as she promised. Now we can spend the night together!” His voice echoed in the den, amplifying his excitement, and his clicking was loud.

Damn, he’s being cute.

He seems so happy; I can't talk to him about leaving right now. I miss this side of him. Sure, his looks are strangely attractive, but what really drew me to Kyojuro was his personality--fun, happy, and confident. Traits I wish I had more of.

I petted the top of his head, scratching behind his ears a little. He started making a growling purr, so I guess he liked it.

“What did you do while I was gone?” I asked, continuing to pet him.

His bright red eyes widened, and he smiled. “I hunted for you. You’re human and very small, so I made sure to bring you plenty!”

I couldn’t help but smile. He’s so happy to do things for me. Even when Kyojuro was angry with me, he’s been attentive since he claimed me. He makes sure I’m fed, that I’m not cold, that I’m safe. He doesn’t let his anger get in the way of being a provider.

Honestly, I know a lot of human men who could use a lesson in that as well...

“Thank you, Kyojuro, I’ll be sure to enjoy it.”

He set me down near the fire where some raw meat and a wooden skewer were laid out.

As I started to cook the meat, his tail draped around me, and his glowing red eyes stared into mine as he smiled. It was a little creepy, but I knew he was just happy.

The meat was good; I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now. Dealing with monsters and monster hunters can make you forget you’re a human who gets tired and hungry.

I could feel myself slightly dozing off as I ate. Curling up in the nest with my cryptid mate didn’t sound so bad right now.

Once I finished, I looked up at Kyojuro, who was still staring at me.

“I’m getting a little tired. Do you think we could go to bed now?”

His eyes flashed, and his expression changed. This smile was different--mischievous and full of lust.

“My mate wishes to sleep already? The night is still young for us, my dear...” He stood over me like a giant, his clawed hand gently grabbing my arm and pulling me up. He leaned down close to my face.

“You forget, I haven’t eaten yet. I’ve been waiting for my meal to return to me since she left.” His growl was low and seductive.

My mind was a mix of fear and arousal at his words. I couldn’t tell if he meant literally or figuratively, but I guess I was ready for either.

“What do you mean?” I struggled to find the right words.

His hand moved from my arm to my face, holding it softly.

“It means I’m going to devour you.”

Blood rushed to my face. I didn’t care which way he meant it, I was ready.

He picked me up again and carried me to our nest.

He set me down gently and leaned back to get a good look at me. His eyes darkened, his smile turning stern and commanding. His claws tugged at my already torn-up shirt.

“Take these off,” he growled lowly.

My heart pounded as I lifted my hands to unbutton my shirt. My mind was racing. I’d already let him fuck his aggression into me this morning after the run in at the market. But I could definitely go again.

I started to remove the rest of my clothes, slowly letting the fabric pool at my feet.

I could feel his intense stare his eyes wide with need, his fur standing on end.

Once I was completely bare I looked back up at him. His gaze was predatory, almost scary.

In an instant I found myself being pinned to the floor of the nest and he towered over top of me. One of his large clawed hands held both my wrists above my head while his tail pulled my legs apart.

His eyes taking me in hungrily. I could feel my body heating up.

"You are perfect," he purred.

Before I could react, his long wet tongue ran over my face and down my neck. I could feel his sharp teeth graze my skin as he moved further down my body, licking and biting as he went.

I arched into his touch, wanting more.

Suddenly his mouth closed over one of my nipples, his tongue swirling around it. The sensation made me moan loudly.

Kyojuro smirked against my chest, clearly pleased with my reactions.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" His clicking starting up again.

"Mhm," I whimpered, unable to form a proper response.

"Good." He kissed his way back up to my face, capturing my lips in a deep kiss. I couldn't help but moan again as his tongue invaded my mouth, tasting every inch of me.

I felt him release my hands, his clawed hands traveling down my body.

My body tensed up as he touched me.

"You're mine. All of you."

Kyojuro's tounge pressed against my folds, causing me to gasp.

"Kyojuro!"

I felt a sharp sting as his claws cut into the soft flesh of my thighs.

His eyes darkened, and his grin grew wider.

"My mate is so wet for me already..."

I blushed, embarrassed by his words.

"Do not be ashamed, love. I will take care of you." His purrs in my ear.

I gasped as his tongue finally found my clit, lapping over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

I gripped the fur on his shoulders, unable to keep my hands off of him.

I could hear him growling as his tongue moved faster and harder against me. My hips bucked against him, desperately trying to gain more friction. My orgasm was building quickly, and it wasn't long before I was moaning loudly, my legs shaking uncontrollably.

"Oh, Kyojuro, fuck! Please don't stop!"

my orgasm came so quick, I couldn’t believe it.

I lay there panting trying to catch my breath. It was so fast, I was almost disappointed.

This clicking noise suddenly grew louder his hand releasing my wrists and moving to my waist forcing me to sit up.

“We aren’t done yet, surely my mate can keep going.” That monstrous smile made my heart flutter again. I wasn’t done and neither was he.

As he sat back I found myself crawling between his legs, his cock was huge, hooked, the large knot bulging at the base.

I was practically drooling for it.

His eyes looked down at me amused.

“Does my mate see something she wants?” His voice echoed lowly.

I had never wanted a cock in my mouth so bad.

I couldn’t resist trying to wrap my hand around it, he growled lowly at my touch.

I knew I couldn’t fit much in my mouth but I was willing to try.

I needed it more than anything right now.

I ran my tongue from the base to the lip, looking into his eyes.

He looked so aroused, so primal.

I started to tease his tip with my tongue, flicking it back and forth before wrapping my lips around it.

It wasn’t much but it was enough to get him to groan loudly.

I started moving my head back and forth, sucking on his tip.

heard him growl loudly again as he gripped my hair in his hand, holding it still.

“More.”

I didn’t need to be told twice.

I opened my mouth as wide as I could, taking as much of his tip in my mouth as I could and started moving my head back and forth.

My gags and moans sounded embarrassing, but the seemed to only edge Kyojuro on.

I could feel myself getting wet again at his pleasure.

I was starting to feel dizzy as I worked my mouth on him. I was drooling all over his cock, spit dripping from my chin.

“My little human, so eager to please me. Get on your hands and knees.”

His voice sent chills down my spine.

I complied immediately.

He positioned himself behind me, his tip pressing against my soaking wet pussy.

“You are so wet, my mate. Tell me what you want,” he demanded.

His hand wrapped around my throat and pulled me back against his chest.

I could barely get the words out.

“Fuck me, please. Fuck me hard, Kyojuro.” I whined.

He chuckled lowly at my begging.

“That’s good, I want you to beg more for me.”

He slid himself in and out of me, teasing me with just the tip.

“Please fuck me, please.” I was desperate.

He pulled out and slammed his cock in me, burying himself to the knot.

I gasped out in pleasure

His tail wrapped around my ankle, holding my legs apart. He started to move in and out of me at a fast pace.

He was going to make me cum again soon and I was sure he would follow suit.

He leaned in close to my ear and started to growl and click as he fucked me.

“Oh fuck, kyojuro...” I moaned, his tail tightening around my ankle.

I was starting to lose control again, my vision blurring as the orgasm hit me again.

His tail quickly moved from my ankle to around my waist, forcing me to stop moving.

Kyojuro’s cock pulsed in me as he released himself, his knot swelling up and locking in place.

I was completely full of his seed, unable to move.

I collapsed forward, my arms and legs giving out.

Kyojuro laid down behind me, pulling me close against him. I was already falling asleep, his warmth and his scent keeping me safe and content.

I had never felt so exhausted and protected in my life.

But I knew tomorrow would be different. I needed to convince Kyojuro to let me go on this hunt with Tamayo.

He wouldn’t be happy and he would probably be angry.

But I couldn’t let him win this time. I needed to be brave enough to hold my own.

I knew Kyojuro didn’t want me to leave, but he needed to understand why I was doing it.

I needed to protect him as much as he protected me.

I knew he would see my point of view.

He just needed to trust me a little bit.

And maybe he would see that I wasn’t going to run from him.

But guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Next>>

—————

Tags: @fandomenbylover @emmenic726

[oneforthemunny]

1, A, ! (You don't have to write this one. 😈)

for the mind who came up with this game idea??? yes i do. your roll: cowboy!eddie, over the knee, and hand ;)

minors dni. dom/sub themes, spanking, a little mocking. teasing/meanish!eddie.

Eddie huffed, tossing the shovel down with a dramatic grunt. "You're just gonna stand there?" You didn't need to see him to know that his gloved hands were on his hips, jaw ground tight in annoyance.

You kept your back to him, defiant and furious. Too stubborn to retreat to the house in defeat that you hadn't got either things you wanted, so you stood, making him painfully aware of your displeasure.

"I told you I'd help you after 'while-"

"-It's been after while." You snapped, eyes rolling hard. "You always do this-"

"-Oh, don't you even start-"

"-You don't want me to do anything because I'll hurt myself, but then you put the things I ask you to do at the very bottom of your to do list." You turned, glaring at him pointedly.

Eddie's lips rolled, eyes slitting in a glare. "I do not." He snapped. "I told you this morning, I'd help you when I got done with everything I needed to. There's things I need to do, and I told you that."

You scoffed, starting to retort. Eddie stepped forward, boots heavy on the wooden barn floor. "And you're just mad I didn't help you when you wanted to."

"You said-"

"-I said, when I was done." Eddie snapped. "I'm not done, and your whining is only slowing me down." You pouted at him, petulant and little embarrassed.

Eddie softened at your grumpy look, arms crossed over your chest, lip jutted in fury. "Why don't you just sit out here, and keep me company while I finish this, alright?" He nodded towards the small stool in the corner. "Talk to me nice while I finish this up."

"Why don't I just go do it myself?" You grumbled, stomping towards the stool in the corner. "It can't be that hard."

"Quit that." Eddie clicked. "I've told you now. I'll help you put the feeder in, just let me-"

"-I can do it." You snapped stubbornly. "You act like I'm incompetent-"

"-What?-"

"-Like I'm stupid," You sneered. "I am more than capable of putting a feeder in the coop-"

"-I never said you weren't, so don't start puttin' word in my mouth that you know I never said." Eddie was beyond annoyed now, teetering on furious, patience running thin at your little bratty attitude.

"But you're not letting me." You scoffed, throwing your hands up in annoyance, giving him a furious eye roll. "That makes soo much sense. Wait for you, even though I can do it, but wait for you because-"

"-Why are you being so hateful?" Eddie snapped, voice booming loud enough to have Medusa stopping in the pastures, looking at Eddie with caution. "I told you I'd help you when I got done, you've come out here and been nothin' but mean-"

"-I don't understand why I can't just do it-"

Eddie gawked at you, disbelief, annoyance, all mixed up and apparent on his face. "Are you- You're seriously fightin' with me about this still? When I've told you why?" He blinked at you. "What? Are you just wantin' a spankin'? Wanting to get on my nerves and piss me off so I'll spank you? Is that it?"

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment, fused with furious heat. "No," You snapped. "I want you to help me." Maybe it was a little true? At least he'd give you attention.

"Alright," Eddie pulled his gloves off with a huff, tossing them on the wheelbarrow of hay besides him. "I've had enough. Get over here."

"What?" You squeaked, an excited thrill rushing through your body straight to your core. "No!"

"Yes," Eddie snapped, heavy soled stepped bounding towards you. You stood up but didn't back away, letting him catch you by the arm, hand firm on your upper arm. It nearly had you drooling, dominance oozing out of him, it was magnetic.

"You've been acting awfully mean all day," Eddie grumbled, sitting on the small wooden bench by the door, pulling you over his knees. "Shoulda known this was what you were wanting."

"I don't." You huffed, a half hearted wiggle over his knee in protest that he saw right through, shoving your little sundress up.

"Right," Eddie scoffed sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "You've just been mean for fun then? Just to piss me off."

"You're pissing me of- ow!" You pushed against his leg, body bucking in the air at the first sharp smack of his calloused hand on your ass.

Eddie gritted his teeth, wrestling you back into place, before delivering two more searing swats to each cheek. You wiggled, writhed, put up on helluva fight- which he was used to, loved it, really. He'd told you at the beginning of your relationship, when you'd first started exploring your little dynamic, that you rivaled even the wildest broncos. "Rode and tamed them before, so I'll do the same to you," Eddie had grinned at you. "You're a lot wilder than them, baby, I'll give you that."

Your hips lifted when Eddie gave a harsh smack to the center of your ass, vibrations of pain and pleasure shaking right into your core, leaving you whimpering desperately.

Eddie snickered lightly. "Knew it, look at you." He tsked lightly. "Like a cat in heat, Christ almighty."

"I am not!" You whined, palms pressing into the wood of the bench, Eddie's hand pressing you back into place. "Stop it, Eddie." It was half-hearted, your body betraying you with every deep arch of your spine towards his touch.

Eddie scoffed, squeezing the fat of your ass firmly, grinning at how you squealed, your skin raw from his assault. "Should've just told me you wanted a spanking instead of bein' mean." He slapped your ass again, swallowing at the recoil.

"I didn't." You whined.

"Hmm," Eddie pulled your cheeks apart, looking at your drooling, puffy lips between your legs. So painfully wet, he could taste it, licking his lips at the thought of burying himself between your legs right here.

You shuddered, turning your face into your folded arms in front of you in excited shame. Eddie continued delivering sharp smacks to each cheek, a steady rhythm building, not missing the way your hips rose and fell, grinding desperately onto whatever was beneath you for friction.

When Eddie finished, giving you a final smack to the center of your ass that had you crying out, you looked at him with an exaggerated pout.

"Aw, look at you, baby. Just a pitiful little thing, aren't ya?" Eddie cooed nearly mockingly. He pinched your jutted lip lightly, grinning when you whined. "You gonna be good for me?"

"Yes," You purred, smug- you were finally getting what you wanted.

"Good." Eddie pushed down your dress, patting your ass. "Take a seat and wait for me. I'll be done soon."

Your mouth fell in shock, watching him adjust himself before grabbing his gloves and going back to work.

[an-au-blog]

I love zosan and think the art made me love it even more, but if I'm being honest with myself and how I feel about the canon, I'd say there should be zolu and sanuso before zosan. Let me explain:

The only logical explanation for Zoro - a pirate hunter, who had killed pirates for very petty reasons... to join a random guy with no crew, no boat and a pipedream, is that he saw something in him. The sheer amount of loyalty this man holds for his captain is more than akin to blind devotion than anything. And the trust Luffy holds in his first mate is absolutely astounding.

Outside of the ladies, Sanji only ever defends/vouches for Usopp. Even though Usopp is a man, Sanji doesn't treat him with the annoyance he sometimes has for Luffy and Zoro. During the water 7 arc, he keeps defending Usopp even though the Mary fiascos. He's super protective towards him.

In conclusion, here's how I think it'd go:

Sanji had been unintentionally courting Usopp and only realized it when water 7 happened. At some point while they're still in recovery or maybe while they were still traveling to enmys lobby, he tries to tell him what he's realized. Because if he really leaves the crew, this would be his only chance and he needed to live without regrets, as there was no guarantee what could happen.

Sanji: Usopp, I know it's not the time or place, but-

Usopp: Haha, this isn't Usopp, I'm Sniper King, remember?!

Sanji (defeated, knowing nothing will come of this): Yeah, well, when you see Usopp, can you tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't tell him on time, but I love him and I regret only realizing it now...

Usopp: ...

Usopp: Oh... well... I'll be sure to tell him.

Sanji might have taken that as a nice way to reject him, so he decided to take it with dignity and leave but was stopped when he heard

Usopp: And thank you... I mean, he'd probably thank you. For telling him.

Would it be too pathetic of Sanji to hold onto hope?

After everything was said and done, Usopp joined again. Sanji had forgotten, with all the things that happened, about his confession. So he was a bit surprised when he approached him about it.

S: Soooo... Sniper King told me what you wanted to tell me...

U, sweating bullets: Whaaat? I didn't mean- I mean I never told him to tell you anything, idk what you're talking about. That sniper king guy probably lied!

S: I don't think he's the type to lie. He's a man of honor, you know.

U, not believe that he's getting jealous of himself: you're so easy to defend him, you like him or something?

S, with embarrassment but loving adoration: Yeah.

U, heart broken: Oh. Well, I wish you two a happy life then.

(If he's wondering whether or not to "rejoin as SK", but living a double life would be hard and -)

S: Wait, where are you going. I just told you I loved you and you're walking away? Did something happen, I thought...

U: You said you like Sniper King, not me. (*insert rant about how SK is so much better than Usopp and all that self degrading bs*)

S: Okay, okay, no. I know you're the same person. But if you insist: I love you too. Not only in a friend way, not because of your persona, but because of you. Usopp.

And awww, would you look at that, they started dating. Time passes and Usopp stops feeling as insecure as he had before. Sanji keeps flirting with women but never means it and they all know it because they always ends up back in each other's arms. But then something devastating happens. Sanji can't stop thinking about how the mosshead never wears a shirt. It's infuriating and Usopp kind of understands, at one point he goes "Have you tried touching his chest? Maybe you'll get it out of your system."

To which Sanji is 1. Speechless, petrified, flabbergasted; 2. Shook and horrified at the suggestion; 3. Kind of obsessed with the idea now that he thinks about it; 4. defensive because "my love, you are all I need how could youuuu think thaaat".

In that order.

Usopp, laughing nervously: It's not like I haven't done it.

Sanji: What?

Usopp: What.

So it turned out, that one night of drinking made Zoro almost kiss Usopp, which he backed away because he was afraid, but then Zoro called it "physical traids" which made him.confused and a bit worried that he didn't know what that was, so he said he'd think about it. Zoro looked at him in a way that conveyed "what is there to think about", but never voiced it. With a shrug, he said okay and never tried anything after that.

So Sanji and Usopp decided that they needed to talk about it with the swordsman himself. To work out the logistics if anything... What he said, however, none of them expected.

Zoro: I don't know why you make it into a big fuss. Physical traids, yeah, it's like: I find you attractive, you find me attractive, we care for each other so we make out or if we're feeling it - more. How can Luffy het it, but you can't.

Jaws on the floor.

They call Luffy in on the conversation and it gets worse.

Luffy: Yeah, it's like when I'm bored, or feel like it, we do stuff. But I don't really wanna kiss anyone else and I told him you guys are okay to kiss cause I trust you!

Explaining to them that, yes - that's kind of what dating is, and yes - they've been technically exclusively dating until now, went about as well as one might have hoped. At one point, Sanji definitely got frustrated from his own overthinking about why Marimo had hit on his boyfriend but never him. To which Zoro responded that he had tried a couple of times but Sanji just kicked or ignored him, so he gave up, thinking he wasn't interested.

And at some point Luffy definitely drops something like "I'd like to try with you guys too, it could be fun." with a beaming smile and both Usopp and Sanji wouldn't be able to stop thinking about ot for a week straight, low-key obsessing over it until they decide, okay, yes. And then they would tell him and he would just go "Oh, right, forgot about that, sure, let's do it!"

(idk this was funnier in my head)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Hey, if it's okay, then may I please request a Gomez!master (missy) x reader. The reader has been kidnapped by Missy and someone they are working with. The person with missy tells them how when they're done with you that you will fall in love with the first person you see and how you will obey them. (Which they will make sure is missy) the person then knocks you unconscious and when you wake up you see missy, your new "programing" is activated.

anon I'm not gonna lie, I probably had wayy too much fun writing this than I should have, I literally sat down and didn't stop writing until the whole thing was complete. I hope you love it as much as I do <3

Side Effects Include (Missy/Gomez! Master x reader)

Warnings: kidnapping, drugging, the ending can be read as slightly suggestive

"What are you doing? Let go of me!"

You struggled against the restraints of the chair you were tied up in, glaring across the room at a person who you thought was your friend. Well, they were really more like a work friend than anything else, but that was besides the point.

"Sorry, I can't do that." They responded simply, shrugging some.

You rolled your eyes at their response, though your annoyance quickly switched over to fear when you heard another voice begin to talk from behind you.

"Now, now. Try not to get overexcited. I'd hate for you to hurt yourself."

Missy stepped out from behind you, walking around the chair in a slow, predatory fashion.

"You." Of course, you should've known she was the one behind this.

She chuckled at your reaction. "Yes, it's me. Aren't you so thrilled?"

"What am I doing here?" You asked with a slight growl as you fought once more against your restraints.

"None of that, now." Missy wagged her finger at you like you were a cat who was trying to chew on one of her houseplants. "You're here because- well, to be quite frank, I've found myself to be growing infatuated with you."

You narrowed your eyes, trying to figure out just what she meant by that. "You- what?"

She sighed in exasperation at your response. "I have feelings for you, dear. That's why I paid your little 'friend' here to kidnap you." She gestured to the other person who you'd forgotten was still in the room.

"Oh." You grumbled, shooting them a dirty look that they seemed to be pretty unfazed by.

"Come, now. Don't seem so disappointed." Missy said sternly. "There are worse things."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?" You retorted snarkily. Big mistake.

She clenched her jaw, her nostrils flaring in anger. "I've tried to be reasonable here. But it seems as though you're leaving me with no choice." Turning, she spoke to your 'friend'. "Let me know when the procedure is complete."

They nodded in understanding as Missy left the room. As they turned to face away from you, you noticed a fairly large table with a bunch of test tubes and glass vials that you hadn't seen before.

They started mixing something, though what, exactly, you couldn't be sure. You gulped, getting the sense that maybe getting an attitude with such a formidable force like Missy wasn't the best idea.

Your so called friend turned, holding up a strange looking flower, one that you could only assume was from some kind of alien planet. "Do you know what this is?"

"Of course I do. It's obviously a hat," you responded with sarcastically.

They kept on as if you hadn't spoken. "This is a very rare strain of flower that contains the chemical compotents required to cause someone to experience a very intense romantic attraction towards someone else."

Letting out an irritated sigh upon seeing your confusion, they rephrased their previous sentence. "It can be used to create love potions. The strength of said potion depends fully on how much of it is added.

"A few petals would make the subject have a slight crush, whereas the whole thing creates a world for them where nothing matters except for their love. They'll do anything that's told to them by the person to which their affection is based. This-" they gestured to the flower "-is merely here as an example. I've already gotten the materials I need from another similar flower."

You felt the blood in your veins run ice cold as you started to put two and two together. Not only did Missy want you to be hers, but she would do anything she could to ensure that you wouldn't ever try to leave. I mean, she was evil, sure, but surely she wouldn't stoop so low as to do that... right?

"Wait, why can't she just use her powers of hypnotism, if she wants to be with me so bad?" You asked suddenly as they moved to place the flower back on the table.

They picked up a large perfume bottle, and you noticed they now had some kind of surgical mask on their face. "Because the effects of hypnotism have to possibility of wearing off after a certain amount of time, even for someone as powerful as her. This can only be reversed by the corresponding antidote." They made their way over to you and held the bottle up to your face. "Now, stay still."

"No, don't you dare spray me, you son of a bit-" You felt yourself get spritzed in the face before you could even finish your sentence, the aroma of the flower permeating your senses and settling deep in your lungs. Your eyes became droopy, and you barely noticed it when a chloroform covered rag was forced over your nose and mouth to ensure you wouldn't keep struggling while the potion started working.

When you woke up again a little while later, your old 'friend' was gone and Missy had returned. You blinked a few times, trying to shake yourself rid of the effects of the perfume in vain. She kneeled down in front of you, a look of glee clearly visible on the features of her face.

"Hello, dear. How are you feeling?"

"Ugh." You mumbled, not even able to form a full word, let alone a sentence.

As your eyes began to focus, you noticed for the first time just how gorgeous Missy truly was. Her eyes were enthralling, her smile dazzling, and had she always done her hair up in such cute ways?

"Hi, Missy." You eventually slurred out, your voice dripping with adoration. "You're really pretty."

She let out a playful giggle, noticing the lovestruck look on your face and how compliant you seemed, a sure sign that the potion had done its job. "See? I knew you'd love me. Now, let's get you out of those restraints so I can show you just how much I love you."

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated <3

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🏷 taglist: @theonetruepotato87

[squirmydonnie]

Vent:

I am.causing my pain

I never know quite where to.look

But when I do. It's often recently been the wrong place

With people who.simply don't have the capacity for me

I hope that they do or will

But the truth is I can never be sure.

I forget that my parents are even an option sometimes.

They would hate to hear that.

And they will same the same things I'm used to.

Sometimes they surprise me.

I often only want more information about them. I don't want to hear your name old story you usually do. The same topic again. I liked hearing more. Not that it was positive things. It was sad things. But I still liked hearing it.

I get the need for.positive reinforcement. But I don't want to give it to you.

I've done it before, and it's become tired.

I don't really feel like it.

I didn't think very much about it before.

I didn't realise I was making a choice.

That I've been making the choice to not tell them.things.

I do it very regularly.

I think.i might be a more healthy individual if I did that from the start.

But I had seen it as something I would do on my own. As to not bother anyone with it.

In the same way I chose to not ask for clothes I liked, out of fear that money would squander.

I wish i wasn't perceptive.

Not that it doesn't do any good for me, but that it hurts me.so much.

Being aware only does you a bit of the work.

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But it feels better to not be rushed.

Rushed by fear.

Even though I actually still am.

My dad told me I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight.

He's told me this a few times.

When driving me home from the hospital he couldn't stop looking at me through the mirror.

My mom had to keep reminding him to focus.

I've never heard him say anything like this about my mom.

It made me wonder if I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight, how he could treat me like this.

The way that he did. Because he's mostly stopped now.

But I've forced myself to remember. So I could understand why we are like this.

When I said that it may be a trust issue yesterday. I wished that I could have taken it back. So that he wouldn't think it was so seriously.

I want people to take me seriously but I'm also quite afraid of it.

I didn't want him to think things were more wrong then he already thought.

I guess that he probably should know, but it doesn't make me feel much better about saying it in the first place.

It made me wish I would have shut up. That I just wished I would have been able to so stay quiet like I normally do.

That just the once I'd be able to keep it in, like I do regularly.

But how could it be anything but mistrust when you do not see me.

When I came out it was a mistake.

It was supposed to be 2 years from now.

But I got so caught up in the emotion of the moment that I said it.

This time I was getting so tired of hearing the regular and more annoyance than usual, that I let it slip.

You see a lot about what I was like.

How I was before 5th grade.

He always says that.

He mentions 5th grade as if it's a maker about me. And everytime I don't know what he's saying about it.

5th grade was a turning point, but still what I'd say was a great year for me.

I enjoyed it greatly.

He even admitted that I didn't seem phased by graduating from the grade. So I never fully understood why he's held onto it so much.

He told me about something that happened at the playground once.

But to me because I don't remember it and I can't connect it much with problems I have now I don't really understand.

There weren't any kids my age there. They were all my brothers age or younger. I got sad. We were leaving. But a.girl came there who was my age. I asked to stay and then we did.

Its sweet of him to remember this. But I'm not quite sure what he means by the change.

I really wish that he would hurry up and tell me sooner. That he would just elaborate on it already.

Because he's been talking about it since 6th grade.

I may have an idea of what he's talking about. But I wish he was more specific.

I can't believe I stayed up until 6 today.

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

[manslaught]

mikayla almost laughs, because it's ridiculous to hear that when this is all she's wanted for years— to just be around taissa again, even if they're just existing in the same room, because she didn't get to have that for so long. “ i don't. if i wanted to leave, i would. ” she probably doesn't owe tai any kind of reassurance after everything, but she wants her to have it anyway, because mikayla wouldn't put herself through the torture of being around tai but not having her if she wasn't getting something out of it. “ what, you don't think i can play alone? ” she scoffs, even if the truth is, she never would have attempted it without travis. “ —but yeah, it's with him. ” she's not even that good at them, but it still feels natural, her need to insist she's better than tai at something. “ no, i'd definitely kick your ass. i'll prove it the next time you come over. ”

she kind of hopes that tai doesn't, because mikayla doesn't actually want to recount anything from her arrest, mostly because she felt like she hardly understood what was happening, too busy being young, traumatized, scared— for the first time, she just did whatever she was told, went with whatever her lawyer said, because mikayla didn't think she had any other choice. she frowns when tai tells her she could just ask, because it feels like rejection, making mikayla feel stupid for saying anything at all. she rolls her eyes, keeping them focused on the tv instead of her, annoyance bleeding into her tone. “ right, ” she grumbles. “ i'll just tell you to shut up. ” if she wanted her to, at least, which she doesn't.

mikayla has more questions about asher, like if tai ever talked to him about her, because she can't imagine they'd ever have anything else to talk about— but she doesn't know if she actually wants to know the answer, because it might just bother her, knowing that tai talked about her and still didn't bother to visit. her brows furrow, almost tempted to make a joke about how she prefers girls who break people's legs over girls who punch guys in the face, but she stops herself, not only because she's not sure if tai would appreciate the reminder, but also because she shouldn't let herself be that obvious. “ yeah, maybe, ” she says instead, uninterested. “ i'll find out, i guess. ” assuming she actually goes at all, since the most she thinks about it, the more she dreads the idea of it.

she knows she's right, that being with her is always going to be harder than being with someone else, so mikayla's annoyed that tai tries to argue it at all, even if she knows it's just to try to make her feel better. “ you don't get to say that, ” she mumbles, trying to focus on her hair, on anything but her. “ you didn't even try. ” so it must have been too much work, clearly— and mikayla can't really blame her for that, because getting back to normal after everything they went through must have been difficult enough without having a convicted felon for a girlfriend.

all of that might be true, but mikayla still feels hesitant, wondering what must be wrong with that girl for still being interested; it makes her wonder what brittany could have possibly said about mikayla, because a girl who killed her dad, has nothing going for herself, and can't get over her ex isn't the best selling point, but that's all she sees herself as. she wants to ask tai why, because it doesn't feel like she's even willing to fight for mikayla, so she doesn't understand why she'd even care, but she's too afraid. “ i wish all of you would stop acting like i'm holding myself back. i'm not. ” she shifts uncomfortably, letting go of her hair so she could bury her hands back in her hoodie pocket, scowling at the tv. “ i just know how it ends. trying again. and i'm not stupid enough to just let someone leave me again. ”

taissa nods her head slowly,  rolling her eyes,  but only at herself.   ❝  right.  i just don’t want you to regret coming here,  ❞   she insists.  she can’t be the best host,  not when she’s overworked and overwhelmed,  but she still wants her here— she can only hope that mikayla is getting something out of this, too, and that tai isn’t just being selfish about wanting to spend time with her.  but she lets her words reassure her and tries not to second guess it.   tai scoffs, but she’s still amused, even more so as she catches her glance to her lips.  she takes that as a good sign,  despite the nerves it gives her.  ❝  really?  i think we both liked that game.  ❞   her head tilts to the side,  because while she wants to pride herself on knowing mikayla,  that’s not something she was expecting.  ❝  wait, really?  is that— something you do with travis?  ❞   she’s still jealous,  only because it seems like he’s reached a new side of her that tai hasn’t had her chance to know yet.  ❝  god,  you’re still so cocky.  whatever your game is,  i’m sure i could take you,  ❞   she claims.    

it’s hard to think about her that way—  as if she wasn’t curious back then, desperately following the news no matter how hard it was to see the rest of the survivors dragged through the mud and for people to make mikayla out to be so much worse than tai knew was true.   ❝  yeah.  i know,  ❞   she says quietly.   ❝ maybe i’ll take you up on that sometime.  ❞   but that’s not about homework,  it’s just about listening to her,   and getting to know her better now.  she’s caught off guard by her words,  her eyes widening in shock,  and she lets out a small scoff,  almost ready to remind her that friends don’t do that— but she’s not going to be the one to put that reminder out there.  ❝  yeah, okay— ❞    she mumbles,  letting out a shaky breath and trying to maintain her composure.   ❝  — you could also just,  i don’t know,  ask,  ❞    she reminds,  trying to be lighthearted about it,  too afraid to go there— for both of their sakes. 

she scoffs at the mention of asher, rolling her eyes because although he’d been a nuisance to her,  he did bring them back together,  in some way.   ❝  yeah.  like him,  ❞   she teases.   he head turns quickly as she tells her more about the girl,  a brow raising,  because she doesn’t actually want to keep asking questions,  but she can’t help wondering what that means for mikayla’s interests.  ❝  uh— no.   tempting, though, ❞   she teases with a small smile.   ❝  sounds like your type, though.  ❞   there’s a hint of bitterness in her tone,  because she definitely doesn’t want to consider what her type really is now if it’s not her,  but she tries to play it off like a joke.   

her eyes follow her hands to her hair,  her body melting into the couch as she’s reminded of the way she used to watch her long ago, how she was foolish enough to once tell her how cute it was.  she still thinks so,  but focusing on that doesn’t make it any easier to be called on her jealousy.   she rolls her eyes, her back pushing into the couch.  ❝  stop, ❞   she mumbles,  her head rolling to look at her,  brows furrowing in disappointment,  but just at her words.  ❝  being with you is not work.  ❞     too many times, her own words feel so hypocritical, because she knows that’s how she made mikayla feel.  but loving her was easy, and it still is, even after everything.   yeah,  being with her might bring unwanted attention— but she’s accepted that that’s not something she’s escaping, anyway, no matter how badly she wishes she could.  

❝  —- she knows,  right?  who you are?  and she’s still interested.  and brittany’s not going to set you up with someone who just has their own agenda.   ❞    she’s not trying to defend the date here, though;   she’s only trying to assure mikayla,  because she wants her to believe she can still keep moving forward.  preferably, with tai, but she still wants her to believe that she will be okay, too.   ❝  honestly,  it’d be really fucking hard to see you with someone else,  ❞   she admits,  taking in a gulp before she glances up to her again.   ❝  but i don’t want you to feel like you should hold yourself back for anything.  ❞   not for tai,  not for herself.  she’s desperate to just ask her to be with her,  to not go on that date or any at all,  but she hates the way mikayla feels like she can’t be with anyone else,  even if she understands it firsthand,  and for mikayla’s own mentality,  she hopes it goes well,  even if she’s also hoping she’ll still come back to her at the end of the night.  

[livredebelle]

Fifteen.

".......!"

No matter how hard I pounded on his chest with my fists, Heath kept kissing me feverishly, and his arms locked around my waist to pull me into a tight bear hug. The breath in my lungs gone, in a matter of seconds I found myself going limp in his embrace, my legs turning to jelly as I let the kiss between us deepen without further thought or inhibition.

My brain couldn't understand it. My mind couldn't wrap around my thought process, because there was none. No matter how hard I tried to come up with a reason I shouldn't kiss him, I couldn't. 

It was inevitable, and ineffable. It was like falling into a bottomless black hole, with no thought of escape or freedom.

I hadn't realized it--or maybe I had, but had just been in denial--but I was inexplicably, without a doubt, attracted to him.

Maybe it started on the day I met him, when I first felt this mysterious darkness hiding behind his smile. My intuition had told me he was dangerous. It seemed I was attracted to such things.

Maybe Heath wasn't the pervert--as I'd accused him before. Maybe it was really me.

I didn't care. As Heath continued to kiss me, his tongue knotting with mine and our breaths getting hotter together, I didn't have a single care in the world.

Finally, after God knows how long, my senses came rushing back. He's involved with your stepfather's business. You don't want to get involved with a guy like him. Plus, you have Quinn, who's loyal and kind and waiting downstairs for you, not knowing what you're doing here...

Gathering all my strength, I pushed Heath away. 

"Enough! Stop fucking around with me...!"

Before I realized what I had done, my hand moved on its own and slapped him across the face. 

"I'm not your goddamn toy. Find someone else to take advantage of."

"Ha... take advantage?" he managed to say. His eyes burned with passion and anger. "Admit it, you wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to. How much longer are you going to feign innocence?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. I'm leaving right now." 

Fuming, I spun on my heel and left him there in the corner of the rooftop. I wasn't really mad at him; I was mostly mad at myself and utterly humiliated. Here I had been talking big in front of him, but he was right--I was the one who wanted him. I had never felt this way before, and it felt so big that it scared the hell out of me. 

Subconsciously, I touched my slightly swollen lips from the passionate kiss. I could still taste him... 

Heath grabbed my hand. "Wait. I'm sorry, don't go. I promise I won't do that again without your permission." 

That wasn't the problem. The problem was, I kinda wanted him to.

"Great. I mean, I seriously need to start heading back; they're going to worry about me. I didn't tell anyone I was coming up here." 

"Okay, we'll go down together. I need to return, too, I suppose."

"Okay."

We headed back towards the elevator together in awkward silence. As we stepped inside and went back downstairs to the party, the whole time I was silently mouthing a prayer to the gods for self-control. Inside such a cramped space like the elevator, the electrical current between us ran intense and I wanted to do nothing more than to kiss him again, now that I'd gotten a taste.

What the fuck was wrong with me. There were more important matters to pay attention to--for example, I wanted to ask him to what degree he was involved with Richard, and what he had meant earlier when he said he was the future beneficiary of the company. Was that true? Then why was Richard the president and CEO? None of it made any sense, and I had the feeling that even if I asked Heath directly, he wouldn't answer. So unfair. I was getting fed up with people who kept secrets from me. 

When the elevator finally reached the ground level with a ding, I breathed out a sigh of relief. From my peripheral vision, I saw Heath's brow furrow in annoyance; perhaps he thought I was relieved to be getting away from him... which was partly true. 

"Where is your family?" he inquired, clearing his throat and straightening his tie. "I'll escort you to them."

"No, really, that's absolutely not necessary--"

"Irina! There you are."

My body tensed rigid. It was Quinn, hurriedly walking over to me with a worried look on his face. And then he saw that I wasn't alone, and he too tensed after an initial look of confusion. 

The tension between the three of us, under the glare of the ballroom lights, was palpable. 

"Who's this?" Quinn's voice was full of distrust and skepticism as he finally broke the ice. 

"Pleasure to meet you," Heath said impassively; his cold eyes assessed Quinn from his head to his toes. "My name is Heath Ashford; I work with Richard Lexington. And you are...?"

"Ah, I see. Irina, were you with him this whole time? Jeez, idiot, I thought you'd left already or something, and was about to come after you. Good thing I didn't."

"Come on, Quinn... let's say goodbye to my mom, and let's head home." The guilt was starting to weigh in on my conscience. I grabbed Quinn by his sleeve and tugged, like a child. Please get me the hell out of here.

"Okay. I figured you wouldn't be hungry. Let's head back; I think I saw your mom heading this way." 

"Wait, Rina," Heath said, then hesitated. I was mind-boggled. What was he doing? I had no idea what was running through his head. I just wanted to run away from here so that I could push the  memory of him and I to a dark corner of my mind and never face it again. "Will you please hear me out? I wish to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was being awfully rude, and I'd like to talk to you in private about that."

"Hah? What did you do to her, bastard?" I felt Quinn's hand twitch--he was irked. "Look, I don't know who you think you are, but if you did anything to her I'll make you pay." 

"Please, ease up." Heath smiled angelically, but it was eerie. "Are you her guardian? Or perhaps her boyfriend, an older brother? If so, then your overprotectiveness would make sense. But if not... this is rather peculiar behavior. Besides, this matter is between the two of us, and she's a perfectly capable adult. Why are you coddling her?" 

I stared at Heath incredulously. Seriously, what on Earth was he doing? It almost seemed like he was goading Quinn into a fight. Knowing Quinn's short temper, I decided not to let this drag on.

"Come on," I snapped, grabbing him by the arm and shooting Heath a dirty look. "We're leaving. This guy means nothing to me." And I spun on my heel and left Heath there. 

What a mess this night had become. I was so exhausted already. I was at my limit... 

When we got to the entrance of the hotel lobby, I turned to face Quinn. His face was grim, and he obviously wasn't pleased. 

"What happened back there? Irina, how do you know him?" he interrogated. 

"Really... ha..." I grimaced and couldn't help but sigh. I really didn't have the energy for this. I started feeling indignant. What was up with the third degree? He wasn't my boyfriend or anything. My temper flared, and venomous words began to form on the tip of my tongue. My self-destructive self was on standby, ready to destroy my relationship with Quinn, who had been nothing but a good friend to me. I closed my eyes, rubbed my temples and took a deep breath to calm myself. "It was nothing. Yeah, I do know him, but barely--he works with the school, and now, it appears, he also works with my soon-to-be stepfather. I can't explain the coincidence... but we were just talking about it up on the roof, where I ran into him while I was taking a smoke break." 

"Oh." Quinn visibly relaxed at my reasonable explanation. "You should've told me if you were going somewhere. You didn't return for a long time, so I got worried."

"I know. I'm sorry, I should've texted you."

"Nah, it's fine. I was just worried... I know that things are stressful for you right now, but if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here. You know that, right?" 

Quinn gave me his signature crooked grin. My heart ached for him, now that I had realized that I was interested in someone else. What could I do? Wasn't there anything I could do that would help lessen the pain he would eventually have to go through?

"...Yeah, I do. Thanks, Quinn." 

"Rina? Where are you going, honey?" Mother's voice rang from behind me sharply. I turned to face her. "The party's not over yet, dear. You remember our agreement."

My eyes narrowed. "That's enough, Mother." I looked up at Quinn. "Can you please go wait outside for me? I don't want to cause a scene in front of you." I was almost certain he would protest, but after a moment of uncertainty, he nodded and left obediently. Then, I turned back to my mother and glared at her fiercely.

"You can't control me like your puppet anymore. I simply told you I'd attend; I didn't specify how long I'd stay. When will you stop being so full of yourself?"

I wasn't afraid to talk back to her. I never had been. In fact, that was one of my downfalls--I was too careless with my words. In order to protect myself, I would do anything--even saying the very words that would drive a person to his or her demise. I knew Mother; she acted tough, and she was truly a poisonous existence like a snake, but she was insecure. If I drove her into a corner, the pressure would be too much for her and she'd crumble. 

Or so I thought. 

"What did you say? Do you want to nullify our agreement, then? I guess you're fine with working at a cafe forever?" 

"You don't scare me."

"Fine, but I know something that will. Have you met up with your dear sister yet, honey? Our poor, sweet Rose has gone through nothing but suffering for the past couple of years, and it's all about to come to a conclusion tonight."

It took a moment for the meaning behind those words to sink in. I felt sick to my stomach upon hearing her threat. "What... what do you mean?"

"My second ex-husband called. He wants Rosalie back as his daughter under custody, and I told him I'd think about it."

"What?! Why--how could you do that? You know what kind of a man he is!" I sputtered. 

Mother's second husband, a rich entertainment mogul named Pete Durman, had been a terrifying and relentless father figure in our past. Their marriage only lasted five years, but it was still enough to give me nightmares. After getting pregnant with Rosalie, Mother had forced him to propose to her, and they had reluctantly married; she for his money, he for what little sense of duty and responsibility he had left. They fought constantly; Pete was a drunk and would often throw things and abuse Mother; and with Rosalie so young, I had to protect her by locking us both up in our bedroom and never going out until they were both asleep--the only time I dared to venture out to the kitchen in a desperate attempt to grab food and provide for my sister and myself. Those long, endless days and nights were full of misery: starvation, the sounds of Rose crying, and me cowering under my blanket, covering my ears with my hands to make it all stop. The only reprieve had been going to school, where I could study and laugh with my friends and pretend that my world was still whole.

But one day, even the solace I found from school was taken away from me. On a particularly unlucky night, I had been making my usual rounds to the kitchen for leftover food, starving, when Pete had caught me and released his anger on me. Mother hadn't come home that night, and he flew into a rage that his punch bag hadn't been present. Then he had found me, and evidently thought I would suffice, kicking me until I couldn't breathe and punching me in the face... As a result, I had formed a bruise on my left cheek, and it was impossible to hide. Mother had tried applying concealer to make it less noticeable, but in vain. I was only seven at the time. The school administrators got involved, and my parents were both called in for a meeting with the principal, but ultimately nothing happened; it was bad publicity for the school, and no doubt Pete had used some hush money. But the damage in my social life could not be undone. No one wanted to be my friend, because they were afraid of the haggard way I looked, and the bad rumors about my family continued to spread like a disease. 

The looks of pity were just as bad as the looks of disgust and fear. 

'I heard she comes from an abusive family...'

'I never noticed, but she always wears the same clothes. Doesn't she know that she smells?' 

'My mom told me to stay away from her. They're a bad influence.'

The unpleasant memories from my childhood were still so vivid. As I was wrenched back into the present, I was at a loss for words. 

My mother continued, not noticing my mental breakdown, "Pete contacted me earlier this week, saying he wanted to have someone to pass his inheritance to. But for that he wanted to become the legal guardian, and if I let him, then she'll have to go live with him. Wouldn't this be a nice opportunity for Rosalie, I thought! But of course I understand how you feel, love, considering how he was in the past. I have no idea what kind of scum he is now, but it never hurts to gamble, especially when it's someone else's fate, hmm?"

"...You're a monster. She's your daughter!"

"I don't have time to negotiate with you; I'm far too busy as the soon-to-be madam of the company."

"Then what the fuck do you want?!"

I was this close to losing it. 

"I want you to move back in with our family, Rina." 

My mouth fell open in shock. This was her endgame? I hadn't dreamed she would demand for this. I had assumed that she, like me, had tired of living with me and would rather not if she could help it. After all, almost all my life I was told by her constantly that I was the bane of her life, and that she wished I had never been born. 

"But why? It's already been three years since I moved out, and everybody's happier..."

"Richard wants to keep the image of a happy family for the press--it's good publicity that will keep the shareholders happy. And what kind of a family would we be if we lived apart?"

"But you hate me, and I hate you. Is this... circus show really worth the stress?"

"Dear, I don't hate you." Mother's lips twitched, but her smile didn't waver. "I apologize for any past misgivings. I was too young to become a mother, and I was so inexperienced... I didn't realize I was lashing out and hurting you. Richard made me see the faults of my ways. But I promise I'll do better this time; rest assured, I'm not interested in what you do in your life, as long as we live under the same roof. You'll still have your freedom--somewhat."

I was completely dumbfounded. This woman was capable of apologizing? It didn't feel sincere one bit, but I still trembled. 

"You'll go to school like you've wanted. The only obligation you'd have is to live in the condominium that Richard owns; we'll all be living there. Since I know this will be difficult to adjust, Richard suggested that we give you the penthouse floor. It is yours. That floor is separated from us--we're on the ground floor. You'll have your privacy, and we'll have ours. That doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

I had to admit, it didn't sound horrendous, yet I couldn't believe a word she said. Would I really have my privacy and freedom?

As if reading my mind, she said, "I really mean it. You're an adult, and you are capable of taking care of yourself. No offense, sweetie, but I have better things to do than manage your life." 

'Figures...' 

I laughed and inwardly chastised myself for letting myself think for one second that she could care about me. 

If all I had to do was play the part of a prodigal daughter, then truthfully I didn't see much harm. I didn't believe that she'd meant everything she promised tonight, but I also didn't want to risk Rosalie's happiness and life. She was only sixteen; she still had two more years until she could obtain her freedom from Mother's grasp... and if all I had to do was sacrifice myself now, I'd gladly do it to make up for my past sins towards her. 

"...All right. I agree to your terms."

[helloalycia]

a bitch [two] // leigh shaw

summary: when you finally decide to confront leigh about the incident, things don't go to plan.

warning/s: cheating, arguing, confrontation

author's note: here’s part two! hope you like it :)

part one | masterlist | wattpad

I refused to paint Leigh in the worst light, even if I'd seen her that way. She ended up staying the night at mine to pass out without being around her sister with her hangover, and I tried not to mind. I was patient for the rest of the evening and the following morning, trying not to assume the worst. But it was hard to do that when she continued to act like nothing was out of the ordinary.

My paranoia get the better of me, as whenever she got a text or slipped out for a phone call, all I could see was her and Abby making out at the party. Why hadn't she told me what happened if it wasn't what it seemed? The only explanation could be that she didn't want me to know, which meant she was hiding it, which meant she was cheating on me. Just like Alex.

It was later that following day after the party when I was sat on the dining table doing some work on my laptop and she was sat on the couch. Her phone vibrated, followed by a tone, signalling she got a text, and I tried not to writhe with discomfort in my seat. She scoffed before tossing her phone to the other end of the couch.

"What is it?" I asked, trying not to seem too interested, even though my heart was bruising.

"Nothing," she mumbled, eyes fixated on the telly.

I gave her all of my attention now, curious. "Go on, what is it? It's clearly not nothing."

She tilted her head to look at me. Sighing, she said like it was no big deal, "Drew wants me to work on a piece, but with somebody else. And you know I'm not a fan of collaborative writing."

Forcing a smile, I hummed in acknowledgement. "Who is it? The person he wants you to work with?"

Looking back to the TV casually, she shrugged. "Abby."

Just the mere mention of that girl's name in Leigh's mouth left a bitter taste in mine. And the longer I watched Leigh staring at the TV without a care in the world, oblivious to the fact that my heart was breaking because of her, the more I wanted to burst. And I eventually did.

"I know you're cheating on me," I blurted, making her look to me with a baffled expression.

"What?"

Deciding to roll with it, I closed my laptop and met her confused stare. "Don't try to hide it, Leigh, I know. I saw you last night. At the party." She continued to play dumb, so I added with distaste, "You were kissing Abby."

Leigh opened her mouth, half-gasping and half entertained as if I was suggesting the most ridiculous thing. "You're kidding, right? That's– that's what you think of me?"

I stood up quickly, glaring at her through glassy eyes. "Don't act coy. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I tried to wait for you to explain yourself just in case I misinterpreted, but you continued to hide it. No doubt hiding every other moment you spend with her, too, right?"

Leigh's confusion was quickly replaced with anger, as she stood up from her place on the couch and walked towards me, pointing a finger my way.

"How dare you jump to conclusions like that!"

"It's not jumping!" I shouted, unable to stop my emotions getting the better of me. "It's facts!" Smiling bitterly, I shook my head, vision blurry with unshed tears. "I always had my suspicions that she liked you, but I never thought it could be the other way, too..."

Leigh's glare was fiery. She clenched her fists by her side as she studied my expression, attempting to find an explanation for this accusation. And the fact that she was still playing dumb pissed me off.

"God, everybody told me that you could be like this," I muttered between gritted teeth. "You flip-flop between emotions. The constant mood swings, an explosion that everyone gets caught up in."

She crossed her arms, shrugging sarcastically. "Don't hold back or anything. Say what you really mean."

I clenched my jaw and stared at her, tears finally flowing. How could this be the same person I was in love with?

"I shouldn't have expected any different when it came to your partners," I finished with a hurt voice.

Her eyes narrowed as my words settled in. "Fuck you."

"Well, you won't be, will you? You're too busy fucking Abby!"

"You're not even giving me chance to explain!" she shouted with irritation.

"Explain what?! How you kept this from me? How you had all day to explain and you just didn't?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "You know, sometimes you can be such a..." I searched for the right word before my frustration landed on only one. "Such a bitch."

She pressed her trembling lips together as she glowered at me through teary eyes. It stung, knowing I was the reason she was upset. But she cheated on me. I had every right to be.

"Fuck off," she said harshly, before turning to grab her phone and jacket.

Slipping on her shoes, she stuck a middle finger in the air before leaving my house. I glared at the space where she was stood, heart pounding in my ears and chest tightening with discomfort. She deserved it. She did exactly what Alex did.

But this hurt so much more.

—

I woke up late the next morning since I didn't have work and I was too devastated to do anything but stay in bed. Last night was difficult, just like the night before, and when I finally found myself falling asleep, all I dreamt of was Leigh.

Even though I didn't want to, I felt a guilt thrumming in my chest when my words came back to mind. I shouldn't have reacted so badly... and I definitely shouldn't have called her a bitch. My anger just took over, pushing away my love for her, and attacked her without question. But God, it still hurt. Just thinking about her with someone else reminded me of Alex and the voice message and–

Staying in bed sounded like the best option. But of course, the world had other plans.

My phone dinged, signalling I had a text, and I reluctantly reached over to my bedside table to pull it off charge. Through sleep-filled eyes, I tried to make out the name on the screen.

           Leigh ♥️

Suddenly awake, I swiped to open the message and felt my heart drop as I read it.

          Leigh ♥️: Fuck you.

Attached was a video, and as much as I wanted to get pissed at her text, I was curious to know what she'd sent. Playing it, I soon realised it was CCTV footage from her workplace, outside the toilets. At first, I squeezed my phone, thinking she'd sent it to rub it in my face. But then as I continued to watch, I saw the moments I missed last night.

Leigh walked out the toilet and Abby pulled her to the side, attempting to talk to her about something. There was no sound to the clip, but it was clear that Leigh was trying to back away and go elsewhere. They talked, Leigh using that smile she used when she was trying to be polite, before Abby suddenly pushed herself on her, kissing her. I pulled a face at the sight, reliving it all over again, but then Leigh shoved her away with anger.

Again, there was no sound, but I recognised that familiar Leigh wrath she subjected people to when they pissed her off. Hands were waving around as she seemed to be shouting in Abby's face, her face set into a permanent scowl as she did. Then she turned and stormed away, and the video ended.

Lowering my phone, I stared at the ceiling with a lump in my throat. She hadn't cheated, I'd just walked in on the wrong moment. Every horrible thing I'd said to her... completely uncalled for. No wonder she was angry and upset when I'd accused her – she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Fuck!" I shouted to nothing, before throwing my phone to the end of the bed with annoyance.

How the hell was I to make this right?

—

I spent the remainder of the morning trying to think of what I could do. Leigh wouldn't want to speak to me, understandably, but I had to try. It would be a terrible apology, but I couldn't just leave it. I loved her and I could only hope she'd still love me, even after every nasty thing I spat her way.

Knowing she'd be at work, I gave her boss and best friend, Drew, a call. Hopefully she hadn't told him everything I'd done otherwise he was definitely going to ignore me.

After a few rings, he finally answered and I couldn't stop my fingers from drumming against my thigh nervously.

"Y/N, thank God you rang! I was just about to call you," he said before I could build up the courage to speak.

I furrowed my brows. "You were?"

"You should come pick up your girlfriend," he said, and I figured he didn't know. "I don't know what her problem is and, don't get me wrong, I love Leigh, but I can't condone violence at the workplace."

My eyes widened so much I was surprised they didn't fall out my head. "What?!"

With a mixture of amazement and disappointment, he answered, "She punched a colleague of hers, Abby, in the face. It was so out of the blue – a solid punch to the jaw. Broke her knuckles, I think."

Jaw dropping, I forgot how to speak.

"She's at the hospital," he continued. "Thankfully, Abby isn't pressing charges – no idea why not, not that I want Leigh to get arrested obviously – but damn, there's a lot of paperwork to do and–"

"Drew!" I cut him off, worrying myself with thoughts of Leigh at the hospital by herself. "Text me the address. I'm on my way."

The drive to the hospital was agonisingly long, but I reached it quite quickly. I did attempt to call Leigh, unable to stop myself from checking if she was okay, but she didn't answer. This did nothing to ease my concern.

After making my way through the hospital, I finally arrived at Leigh's room. I let myself in, seeing her sat on a hospital bed with an ice pack covering her hand, balanced on a table. At the sight of me, she rolled her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she muttered lowly, refusing to meet my gaze.

I stepped inside hesitantly, my guilt returning as I remembered everything I accused her off. "Drew told me what happened."

She clenched her jaw. "Well, I'm not a baby. I'm fine on my own."

Ignoring her rightful annoyance, I sighed quietly. "Really, Leigh? You punched her?"

As if realising how silly it sounded when I said it aloud, she looked the other way and stayed quiet. Her jaw was still clenched as she contained her anger.

"What's the damage?" I asked, hoping my concern wouldn't piss her off. As always, I was wrong.

"None of your damn business," she snapped, still not looking my way.

I frowned, approaching her bedside, but she still refused to look my way. "Leigh, I want to apologise, I do, but I need to make sure you're okay first."

She rolled her eyes before finally looking to me and glaring powerfully. If I hadn't experienced being in a fight with Leigh before, I would have definitely tucked tail and ran. But I'd known her long enough to know that the mask of anger she wore right now was only a cover for the hurt she felt. The hurt I'd caused her. 

"You don't need to do anything," she retorted, before nodding to the door. "You can go."

My heart pounded with guilt. "Leigh, please.”

"Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch or anything," she cut me off bitterly, before looking away and frowning to herself.

The words I'd said to her in a moment of fury returned to mind and I'd never hated myself more than in that moment.

"You know, since Matt died, almost everyone I know called me a bitch," she revealed quietly, voice filled with pain rather than hostility. "Even my family. Especially my family. But you... you never called it me, Y/N. Not once. Not even when I deserved it."

The silence that followed her words was deafening. Why the hell did I have to call her that? Why?

Before I could even think of how to respond, the door to her room opened and in walked a doctor, holding what looked like print-outs of x-ray scans.

"Oh," he said with mild confusion as he spotted me by Leigh's bedside. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Leigh's doctor. Doctor Syed. And you are?"

"Her girlfriend," I replied, just as she also replied, "My ex."

I gave her a stern look, accepting if she wanted to break up, but definitely not leaving her here alone.

"I'd like to stay if that's okay," I told Doctor Syed, sensing his confusion as he looked between Leigh and I, attempting to make out whatever was happening.

To my surprise, Leigh didn't argue, even when the doctor looked her way to see if she had a problem. She simply rolled her eyes, scoffed quietly, and said nothing.

Taking this as a response, Doctor Syed proceeded to explain about Leigh's injury, particularly the broken bones in her knuckle. Apparently she'd punched Abby with so much force that she'd literally broken the bone with a crack. The x-ray proved just that and gave the doctor a perfect sight of where he could fix it, thankfully, without surgery.

I waited with an unusually quiet Leigh as he put a splint and cast on her hand there and then. He then spoke about recovery times and how she was to look after herself. After writing up a prescription for pain meds and handing it to her, he quirked a brow questioningly.

"Is that all okay, Miss Shaw?" he asked.

Leigh was too busy brooding to listen, so I smiled at the doctor instead.

"I'll make sure she does that," I answered for her. "Thank you, doctor."

He nodded and returned the smile before wishing us luck and leaving. I looked to Leigh, who was quick to get up and grab her jacket, being careful with her hand. The two of us said nothing as we left the room and hospital, making our way out onto the street. Before I could ask how she was getting home, she began to walk away from me.

I groaned inwardly before following after her, stopping her from going any further. She glared across from me.

"What?" she said through gritted teeth.

"I can give you a ride home," I offered. "I parked down the street."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine walking."

I gave her a knowing look. "Leigh, you just broke your hand."

Realising my point, she sighed. "Fine. I'll call literally anyone but you for a ride."

Okay, I deserved that, but it still stung.

"Fine," I said, before waiting with her as she made the call.

She took a seat on the bench to the side of the road, waiting for a taxi, and I joined her, making her scoff.

"Just to make sure you get home safe," I said, when she gave me an incredulous look.

"Whatever," she mumbled, before watching the road for her taxi.

When it finally arrived, she didn't even spare me a glance before getting in and leaving. I sighed with regret, glad she was okay but realising I still hadn't had the chance to apologise to her. I was still yet to make this right.

—

It was the next day when I'd deemed it enough time to have given her space whilst also deciding I had to tell her how sorry I was before it was too late.

Building the courage to approach her front door was one thing, but knocking was another. I'm pretty sure I stared at the wood for ages before actually lifting my hand to knock. And even then, my heart was still pounding nervously in my chest.

After a moment, the door opened and revealed Leigh. But as soon as she recognised me, she made a move to close it.

"Leigh, please, wait–!" I tried, and put my foot in the doorway so she couldn't close it.

"I have nothing to say to you!" she exclaimed with irritation, glaring at me when she noticed my foot in the way. "Move it, Y/N."

"You don't have to say anything," I said with a frown and apologetic eyes. "Just hear me out. Please."

She pressed her lips together firmly, disguising her hurt with frustration. But when her eyes met mine, the pain was there and I felt guilty all over again, knowing I'd made her out to be the worst.

"I never should have said what I did," I started quickly, not wanting to lose my chance. "And I definitely shouldn't have called you a–" I winced, hating the word more than ever. "A bitch. I know you get angry when you're upset and that should've been my first indicator to knowing something wasn't right. I should've heard you out."

"But you didn't," she cut me off with a terrifyingly calm voice. "You jumped to conclusions instead. When I've never given you any reason to doubt me."

I licked my lips and looked down shamefully. She was right. "I know."

"Do you?" she asked rhetorically, a hint of resentment in her voice. "Because you jumped on me so fast that I didn't even see it coming."

Risking looking up, I saw the defensive stance she took, arms crossed judgementally and jaw tensed with annoyance.

"For the record," she added, expression softening a little, "I didn't tell you about the kiss because it meant nothing and I didn't want to upset you for no reason."

I swallowed the rising lump in my throat, the guilt thickening and squeezing the life out of me.

"I can't believe you'd think I would do something like that to you," she admitted with a heartbreaking voice, uncrossing her arms. "I love you, Y/N. I'd never hurt you like that. Never."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the bridge of my nose, memories of Alex flooding to the surface. "I know, Leigh, I know. I do."

She sighed before me. "Then why?"

Releasing my nose, I opened my eyes and was surprised at the blurriness, tears having formed. I was losing the woman I love because of my stupidity and I couldn't. I couldn't lose her. She deserved to know the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

"Do you remember my last girlfriend?" I asked reluctantly, before clearing my throat. "Alex?"

Her brows creased together with confusion. "Yes. What about her?"

Letting out an embarrassed sigh, I avoided Leigh's gaze. "We broke up because she cheated on me. With... with someone from work."

When Leigh didn't say anything, I looked up and saw her shocked expression.

"What?" she asked with disbelief. "You said it was a mutual breakup."

I pinched the skin inside my palm to feel something other than hurt and awkwardness. "I– it was easier to say that than admit the truth because the truth was– is embarrassing." Unable to hold her gaze for much longer, I focused on the door next to her. "You were going through a lot at the time, Leigh. The last thing you needed was to deal with my bullshit, too."

She frowned, trying to meet my eyes, but I was too ashamed to look her way. "You should've told me, Y/N."

I shook my head slowly. "I shouldn't have. Just like I shouldn't have assumed you'd be like her. I just– I got horribly insecure and I know that you're not her. You're nothing like her. And I shouldn't have treated you like the villain."

"No...," she began, still adjusting to my words. "No, that makes so much sense." Her good hand rested on my cheek as she forced me to look her way. "I'm so sorry that happened."

I pulled back, her hand dropping to her side, and wiped away a stray tear. I'd never meant to earn her pity – I'd done something wrong. This wasn't me earning sympathy, I just wanted her to know the truth.

"I don't want you to apologise," I told her. "I just want you to understand that I'm sorry. So sorry, Leigh. I hate that I– I ruined something good, something amazing. I never meant for this to happen," I motioned to her hand, "and I don't want you to think of me like– like– like this. Like–"

She moved forward and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me close. "I don't. I really don't."

I closed my eyes and stuffed my head into her neck, holding her tightly. She stroked the back of my hair soothingly and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.

"I forgive you," she murmured, and just like that, relief spread through me. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I promise I'd never to that to you. Never in a million years."

I pulled apart, wiping my tears away sheepishly whilst nodding. "I know you wouldn't, Leigh. I'm sorry for even thinking that you would."

She cupped my cheek, using her thumb to swipe away a tear. Green eyes met mine, sparkling with unshed tears that made me feel guilty because I'd never wanted to make her cry.

"I know you are," she said gently, before offering me a small smile. "Come inside, yeah? You can make it up to me by watching movies with me."

I let out a small laugh and she smiled, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my lips before holding out her hand. I rested mine in hers and let her lead me inside, hand tingling where her skin touched mine.

Leigh Shaw was anything but a bitch. She was the most caring, considerate person I'd ever met, and when she flashed me a reassuring smile as we headed to the couch, I knew one thing.

I was lucky to have her.

[a-mended-pact]

Period Pains & Cuddles

Hey! So this is a one shot for @fortheloveofcriminalminds and I 's series Sticks and Stones! That being said this is one that can stand alone if you chose to read it. I for some reason keep dreaming of more things for our story that just aren't needed for the main story line. Enjoy!

⚠️ warning: mentions of Menstruation, Past abuse and malnutrition. ⚠️ (if there are more inform me please)

✒Word Count: 2,398

🛑 If you do not want any spoilers at all for Sticks & Stones do not read.

I Have been living next door to Spencer for a little over a month now. My apartment had slowly become more and more homey as the days went on. He was constantly dropping things off at my door or I'd buy little things from the shop I'm working at and bring them home.  

My apartment finally looked like I had a personality and I wasn't this bland shell of a marionette doll being pushed and pulled the way someone wanted me to be. It was refreshing but more nerve-wracking than a breath of fresh air for me.

It was nearing day break  and I knew I needed to get up and start cleaning my place. I had a routine that I did everyday. I'd wake up early and clean the whole place. Spotless to the point you could eat off the floor if you wanted to. I'd even scrub all the nooks and crannies with a toothbrush.  This was an everyday thing. Changing my schedule wasn't an option. Once the apartment was clean I had to get ready myself and by the time 9 came around I was ready to start my day fully. 

Having been given the time to adjust to eating again whenever I wanted was interesting.  I had no idea what I liked anymore but because of the month of freedom I had started to gain a little weight. God I hoped Spencer didn't notice. I hope he didn't get upset with me the way I knew Brett would. 

Spencer had told me once that I was looking healthier and that he was happy for me. He also spewed facts about how now because I am getting the nutrients that my body needs I could start experiencing things my body wasn't used to anymore. 

I didn't really understand what he meant then but I think I'm starting to.

I forced myself to get up only to notice a stain on my sheets caused by me. Seriously? I forgot that periods were a thing. I pulled my hand up counting on my fingers. Each year is remembered by an unpleasant memory. I stopped having it right after a very brutal night with Brett. I bled for nearly a month after that night. Glancing at my hands I only held up 6 fingers.  

I hadn't had my period in 6 years. If anything joyous came from being with Brett it was the fact I didn't have to deal with this. 

I groaned in annoyance and in panic. I needed to clean this up. I had to because this couldn't be left on my sheets for too long or else it would stain permanently.  Even when I had my periods with Brett he was never supposed to see any signs of a period, none.  I used to use pads and tampons but I quickly had to learn how to use a cup. 

It caused less mess. No waste to be seen in the bin and nothing put under the cabinets that Brett could see. 

I quickly threw my sheets and comforter into the hamper while I rushed to throw away my now wasted pajama bottoms, sealing off the bag I put them in and putting it next to the door. Yes I was in fact running around my home in the nude. Just for a couple of moments though. 

I stumbled into the shower knocking over my body wash and shampoo. The moment the warm water hit my face I felt my body relax. I was in a lot of pain. When I did have my periods regularly they were always heavy and painful. My muscles in my back would always be incredibly tight to the point I couldn't even bend over. 

Now that the adrenaline is gone from the sheer shock of the situation. I'm sure this one would be exactly the same. All I wanted to do is curl up and cry. I couldn't though it was embedded in me that I had to clean the house. 

When I got out of the shower and went to get dressed, that's when I realized the biggest problem I was going to have today. With a loud scream of frustration I slammed my sink cabinet.  I didn't have any female hygiene products for this. I mean it had been 6 years. 

I wracked my brain about what I could possibly do. The thought of ordering things to my door sounded lovely. However, anyone knowing that I am going through this is just embarrassing to me. I made a very quick and brash decision of crumbling up toilet paper to make a temporary pad until I got to the store. 

I dressed in black. I didn't want to risk another disaster.  

---------------------

By the time I made it home all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I got myself and my new things situated and stored away. I immediately started to clean afterwards doing everything the way I always did.  Like I was supposed to do. I glanced at the clock on the stove only to realize it was noon now. 

A huff escaped me. I was finally done. Now I could start winding down and relaxing. I was getting extremely dizzy while cleaning anyway. I made my way to the couch to curl up.  I never wanted to leave this spot.

It was just curved enough to relax my lower back and to cradle me in all the right places.  I started to drift off, giving myself some time to recuperate from my chaotic morning.

------------

I awoke to a gentle hand on my face caressing me. I flinched at their close proximity which caused me to tense up a small groan left my lips as I curled up more and rolled away from them.

'Dahlia, sweetheart, you didn't hear me banging on your door or calling you? It's 7pm. We had a date. Did you forget?' His voice was laced with concern and I couldn't help but feel awful because I did forget. 

'I hope you don't mind. I let myself in. You know you shouldn't leave your door unlocked,Statistically in the United States alone 22,796 women are likely to be burglarized when they live alone.' 

Spencer helped me roll over when he saw me struggling to do so.  ‘I’m, I’m sorry I’ll go get dressed for our date now.’ I rushed to go get up when a dizzy spell hit me. He stood up quickly and caught me by my waist. ‘Hey, what’s wrong, you seem disoriented?’ I tried to tell him that I was fine but I didn’t feel fine. Perhaps I was just being over dramatic. I logically knew women go through this sort of thing all the time but all I wanted to do was cry.

 I was overflowing with so much emotion. I was aggravated with the fact that this was happening to me again to start with. I was upset with myself for being like this. I was even more distraught by the fact I had forgotten my date with Spencer. How could I just forget? I was looking forward to it since last week when he got called away for work while we were planning the whole thing. 

We had agreed to go out to see one of his forgein movies. He was gonna translate it the whole way through whispering it in my ear. At first I had declined saying it was going to ruin the movie for him. He assured me that it was fine he had already seen it once with his mother when he was younger. He just believed it was a movie I was going to enjoy. 

We had also discussed having dinner after. We never ended up picking a restaurant before he got called away. ‘It’s nothing Spencer, I'm fine, really. I just forgot our date is all. I’m really sorry’ I moved myself out of his hold and made my way to my bedroom to get dressed. 

‘You know we don’t have to even go out tonight. I am more than happy to just stay in and spend time with you!’  I could hear him shout from my living room. I was getting frustrated because all my clothes seemed unbelievably tight on me right now. I could feel the tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. This was ridiculous. Why was I being so emotional? How do I tell Spencer that I didn’t want to do anything at all? I didn’t even want to be out of bed or better yet off the couch. As long as I was laying down and I wasn’t moving it didn’t feel like my hips were being compressed and my back finally wasn’t in pain. 

I barely even wanted to be pleasant towards him and all he has ever been to me was a gentleman. I walked out in the same clothes I went in with this time wrapped in a throw blanket I bought from the shops. He looked at me with concern and smiled softly as he pulled me with him to the couch. He pulled me close and held me, playing with my hair and moving it off my face. I laughed slightly at how gentle he was being with me. 

‘Do you remember when you told me now that I was getting healthier that my body would start doing things it’s supposed to.’ I whispered and leaned my head against the back of the couch. His warmth on my back felt magical. His chest vibrated as he chuckled. ‘Yes, I remember. Pretty girl, is that what's wrong.’ He pulled me closer to him, his hand lightly touching my stomach. I never noticed how tight my tummy muscles were until the natural warmth he carried slipped to me through the palm of his hand. 

I looked down embarrassed. This was always such a sensitive topic when Brett was around. He didn’t want to hear about it nor did he care to. ‘For the first time in 6 years. I - um started my period.’ I said it as quietly as I could in hopes he wouldn’t be put off by this new information. I went to pull away only for him to pull me closer to him. Him basically wrapping himself around me and holding me close as he kissed my temple. 

‘That’s really good news sweetheart. I know it may not seem like a good thing right now but it is. It means that your hormones and everything are finally going back to normal after years of being not right.’ He grabbed both of my hands in his when I tried to curl in on myself again. I could feel his breath on my neck every time he exhaled. It made me want to slip deeper into him. 

‘I think we should order in and watch one of your favorite movies. How's that for tonight?’ I bit my lip still questioning whether or not I wanted him to go home or not. Him seeing me like this was already upsetting enough. It wasn’t like I wasn’t dressed and didn’t have makeup on. Maybe it was just the fact that I didn't feel great that made me think I also didn’t look it. 

I nodded but otherwise didn’t speak. Spencer has known me long enough to know that I'm a little in my head at times like these. So he knows that as long as I agree he can do whatever he likes unless I say otherwise. 

He ordered food and began looking around on my shelves lining the wall to realize I didn’t own any movies.  I watched him and couldn’t help but smile. It was hard to believe he could be a dominant when he was struggling so hard to take charge of the situation right now. He held up his finger and made an ah ha noise when he ran out of my apartment to what i assume was into his. He came back clutching a bundle of movies in his large hands along with some junk food from his place. 

‘I know enough from Stell that you can’t go wrong with junk food when a lady is on her period.’ His voice was laced with confidence yet somehow his stance said shy as if he were overstepping. I couldn’t help but smile at him. He was so sweet I managed to move myself into a more proper position when there was a knock at my door. ‘Ah that must be the food.’ He placed all the things he brought onto the table and quickly grabbed the take out.

At this point my mouth was watering. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I smelled the food. 

‘Thank you. For just being you Spencer. I didn’t realize I could be cared for the way you’ve cared for me since I’ve gotten the pleasure of knowing you.’ I smiled widely as he sat down beside me. The movie started and the food was passed out between us both. He smiled a smile that stole my heart out of my chest and yet made it beat so rapidly I thought for certain he could hear it. ‘There’s no need to thank me Dahlia. I don’t mind taking care of you. You aren’t a hard person to take care of. I just enjoy spending time with you. Regardless of what we are doing.’ A blush formed on his features. If it wasn’t for the glow of the projector I would have missed it. ‘Thank you, I’m not sure I could be anyone else even if I tried.’ his voice was small and filled with adoration at what I had said.

Some time after we were done eating I gravitated towards him seeking his warmth. He had moved himself, his leg now resting on my couch as he leaned against the arm rest. I was between his legs, my body tangled in his as my head rested on his chest. If every time I got my period meant that I had the pleasure of getting to use Doctor Spencer Reid as a giant teddy bear. I’d be more than happy to have them 

His hand cradled my face as the tips of his fingers played in my hair. His other arm draped over me holding me protectively as I drifted off into my sea of unconsciousness.

‘My precious Dahlia what have you done to me?’ 

[starriest-orion]

day two and feeling. EUGH. I'm healimg quicklt because this shit is itchy already. HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE AUSHDBSJ

It doesn't hurt right now brcause I have an awesome painkiller, but the story of what happened is under the cut;

(Gore tw, mentions of throwing up tw, general medical stuff tw, (legal and medically authorized) drug use tw, needle tw)

So, basically we had to go to my grandmother's birthday party. There were alotta people and stuff, so the next day only the direct family went to eat at some restaurant. I, being the eldest, was babysitting my cousins (Who had watched the first few minutes of the first Bad Batch episode and were insisting on pretending to beat up droids; youngest adored Wrecker and the middle thought Crosshair was cool. So proud of my boys HAHA) and the only place there was that wasnt just grass and thorns was this freshly built playground. I'm not sure if it's the same in other countries, but here where I am (South Africa<3) there are little tire ladders (as shown here):

(Stuff like this. And I'm not aure how to add the alt text/how to phrase it so if you are able and want to please do so!)

And when I got to the top, I failed to see a screw/bolt they didn't cut. (GORE TW FOR THIS PART)

So, as I pushed myself up, an edge of the screw caught the skin on my leg and tore/cut it open. It was deep as hell, like. Down to the layer of fat under the skin. It didn't hurt HAHA- I just. Told the middle cousin to keep and eye on the youngest, and then waddled over to my mum 🧍‍♂️She IMMEDIATELY got angry at anyone and everyone, as the other adults scrambled to get a first aid kit. I was vibing to dancing queen by ABBA and I didn't understand how serious it was. The owner saw and was apologizing profusely as I sat and joked around, made sure others were okay (and got teased for that), and bantered. She said she'll put my name up on a plaque to show I was the first incident report.

Then, after I was bandaged up nicely, we drove an hour and a half to the hospital. As dumb as it is, I have a horrid phobia of neeldes (NOT because of pain. I don't like the idea of something in/under my skin)

The first hospital we got at was a 3-4 and a half hour wait, so we left to go to another. We got in fairly quickly, the nurse checked me out and did tests. My blood pressure was 150/90 (I'M 14. I WAS SO WORKED UP THAT I HAD A DANGEROUSLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE) Then she pulled out a blood sugar testing thing. I knew what it was like instantly because my not brother brother, who lived with us for a few months has diabetes, and then I refused to test my blood sugar in absolute panic (I didn't know we'd have to do that, sorry gang) so the nurse, in annoyance, said to leave it. (important ish for later)

We went into the surgery room, and the nurses were so nice to me ☹️

I was crying alot in pain and I was scared, my mum was right next to me the whole time comforting me and letting me cry. The doctor was also super cool, and we joked around alot. He understood how scared I was of needles, because apparently he was also petrified of needles. So, he decided that he'd give me a drip, and some Ketamine (yes the horse tranquilizer) so that I'd only have to be conscious for one needle. It was. Unpleasant HAJWKWK

I felt when the Ketamine kicked in, and boy did it kick in. I was high as a kite, but that apparently wasn't enough to keep me under. I kept waking up in the middle of the procedure, and I actually felt every injection. He decided to numb the cut after he realized I was awake-ish/could feel it, and I'm glad he did because I had to get ten stitches. Him and my mum were talking throughout it, and I was sort of talking here and there the best I could. Ketamine, which is supposed to make you oblivious, didn't quite work on me. I knew where I was, what was happening, who was there, I could even hear what my mum was saying. At some point though I must've gone under again because I was in armor and in space so that was fun!:D Then I woke up, and since my brain was 100% awake but my body wasn't, the anxiety in my brain made me check my motor skills (I moved my hands and feet) then my coherence (which presented itsself as me passing around scientific facts about Orcas) Then they put me in a wheelchair since I couldnt walk, and we immediately had to go to the bathroom, because I apparently had a really low blood sugar and threw up. It was. Actually not that bad, I felt much better. And the aftertaste was just doritos LMAO AHAHDJSJSJ

We went home, I tried to eat, failed, took a bath, then ate toast with butter and bovril on it (all you need to know is its salty) and I felt MILLIONS of times better. I needed SALT

Then I went to bed, woke up out of fear of popping my stitches, talked to my mum and her gf for an hour, then slept again :3

So that's my story HAHA

I got a NASTY ass cut on my leg and had so many panic attacks about the NEEDLES ans STITCHES that I had to be drugged to fall asleep 😭 the injury in all it's violently gorey glory isnt even that sore, but now woth the whole ass 10 stitches in my leg I'm choosing to walk woth crutches because it hurts to bend my knee 💥💥

(I have photos if anyone wants to see ofc)

[twoidiotwriters1]

June, 1976 (WITT One-Shot)

A/N: If you want to remain in the taglist pls interact with this one-shot even if you haven’t read book 4-5 yet. A like or a comment is fine, the people who don’t want to continue reading obvsly do not interact and I’ll delete from the taglist :) -Danny

Words: 2,590

Series’ Masterlist

Emily was tired, but she'd spent all day overthinking and she was done, it was time to grow up.

She could hear Lily Evans' voice ushering Severus Snape away, he'd been coming around for several hours during the day trying to apologize, but he'd finally crossed a line.

"It's not your fault, you know?"

Matthew's voice caught her attention, he'd stopped at the foot of the stairs, one hand propped on the wall.

"Snape and Evans have been fighting for months now, I think it's because of what he's been doing with the Slytherins... you know, the cult stuff."

Emily averted her gaze to the fireplace.

"I know..."

Matthew hesitated, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't go back to being Emily's therapist, but something was different this time, it wasn't her usual kind of sulking.

"Are you okay?"

She looked at him over her shoulder and frowned.

"I'm not the one who got called 'mudblood' by a close friend."

"No, you weren't," He admitted. "Which is why it's so strange to see you all sad."

"I'm not sad."

"Is this about James?"

He didn't want to know, but alas, he'd asked.

"No," She made a face. "I don't think I care about him that way anymore."

"It's easier said than done," Matthew crossed his arms, his shoulder now leaning on the archway of the stairs.

"What do you want, Ruddy?" Emily groaned.

"I don't want anything from you," The boy replied. "But I have the feeling that you need to talk."

"I do," She said. "Not with you, though."

Matt nodded, he sighed.

"Good luck, then, have a good night."

"'Night."

Emily watched him disappear up the stairs, she didn't know why, but the memory of his burning gaze before he kissed her came back then, his intense determination as he held her closer... That moment Emily had found herself unable to move away, to say no. She wished she had his courage to just do stuff even when he was intimidated by them, she needed that kind of bravery tonight.

Lily Evans entered the tower two minutes later, Emily stood up abruptly and the redhead came to a halt.

For a moment none of them spoke, then Lily's face showed tons of fatigue.

"What now? Is it your turn to call me a stuck-up bore because I didn't agree to go out with Potter?"

Emily shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Can we talk?" She asked shyly. "I promise it's not a trick... I'm sorry."

Emily's behaviour towards her was usually hostile, tonight her voice was gentle, and even a little afraid.

"You're sorry?"

"I don't expect you to believe me," Emily continued, lowering her gaze. "I know you and Snape were close — I don't understand how can you like him... listen I suck at apologies, can't you just say it's alright so we can go to bed?"

Lily crossed her arms, standing straighter.

"No, I think I want you to try harder."

Emily groaned, she sat down heavily and started to think her words carefully, Lily inched closer.

"Boys can be cruel when they're not thinking — Anyone, really... I've been brutal myself — Matthew and I almost stopped being friends a few months ago, because I don't like talking about my feelings," She laughed dryly. "I don't know what is it about today that it just... I don't want to be a tormentor my whole life, let alone to someone who is... tolerable. I'm sorry for making your life a living hell these past few years."

Lily sat down, although she kept the seat between them empty to keep some distance.

"You didn't make my life a living hell," She replied. "I... can admit you're a bit clever... even likeable — that last match when you threw Lewis a bludger after he called you a midget... it was kind of funny."

"The boys walked me everywhere that week, they thought Ernest was going to try and get back at me," Emily bit her lip, but she was now smiling. "I mean, I lived in fear for days! Thinking he would spike my drink at some point with poison or something... Until Matthew cornered him outside D.A.D.A. class one day, poor Lewis... he looked so small in comparison..."

"Anyone looks small next to Matthew, he's a giant," Lily grinned. "Well, if it's any consolation, I was planning on murdering you in a much classier manner than poison, but since you've apologized, I guess I won't have to kill you after all."

Emily snorted, her eyes lingered on Lily, who looked like she'd been crying for most of the day, and yet still had enough energy to sit down and talk with the girl she'd detested for the last four years.

"Why are you being nice?" She asked in annoyance. "I mean I'm glad you're kind of accepting my apology, but I thought you'd be a bit colder, walking away before I could even finish..."

"What kind of person do you think I am?" Lily raised a brow, with the orange light coming from the fireplace her green eyes looked far more intense than usual. "If I'm honest, you should thank Remus... he's tried to convince me that you lot are far better than you look..."

Emily sighed, when she was young she'd do mischief for fun, but now that she was older, and considering all the weird stuff that was happening outside the school, she was starting to think that maybe her group of friends were indeed changing for the best.

"I'm going to be honest with you too, Evans," The girl took a deep breath. "Being the only girl in my friend group is turning out to be pure torture. I'm in desperate need of a girlfriend."

Lily's mouth twitched a bit, but she didn't laugh.

"What makes you think I want to be your friend?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to," She raised a brow. "But maybe if we're on good terms I'd be able to ask you for a tampon without having to swallow my pride first."

Lily did laugh at this, she shook her head. "Holy Merlin, Sultens, you're loopy."

"You would be too if you were seated next to Sirius every day!" She paused. "So... are you willing to make peace?"

Lily examined her carefully, four long years of quarrels sat between them, but a lifetime of friendship could be ahead if Emily was truly sorry. She was a nice girl, and really smart too, she was annoying only when she was taunting Severus, and he was no longer her friend.

Lily stretched out her hand.

"Very well, but if you go back the deal is over and we'll be less than strangers, understood?"

"Sure."

She retreated her hand before Emily could grab it.

"Hang on — this is not Potter's idea, right? You're not trying to be my friend just so I date him later?"

"Lily, if anything I hope you and James never date," Emily snickered. "Nothing personal, you're just way too good for him."

"...Alright."

They shook hands, she'd meant what she said about it not being personal. James was a boy, a very silly one at that, and even though they were really close friends, Emily was no longer a blind supporter of his doings.

Funnily enough, this seemed to be related to Matthew, she couldn't stop thinking about that kiss! Merlin, he was a good kisser...

She shook the thought away, now was not the time for nonsense.

"I'm very honoured to be your acquaintance, Evans," Emily grinned.

"Call me Lily. Only Professors call me Evans... and Potter, but you know I hate that."

"Got it, Lils."

July 1996

"...I don't think this is right," Mel tilted her head. "Brownies are mean to be brown... not pitch-black."

"You burned them," Harry was standing behind them with his arms crossed, clearly upset.

"How could you burn them, Erick? They were in there for five minutes!"

"Are you sure..." Erick stabbed the mixture with a knife and made a face. "Ugh — they're still liquid in the middle!"

"How the fuck did you do this?"

"I thought it would work just the same if I doubled the heat and put less time," Erick sulked. "Ovens are weird."

"This is why we told you to stay out of it," Harry replied. "You don't know how muggle stuff work."

"I do know!"

"Then why did you burn the brownies?"

"Don't fight," Mel intervened, grabbing the platter and throwing its contents away. "Oh well, at least we ruined my birthday cake and not someone else's..."

"That's not okay," Harry frowned. "You should have a proper cake."

Mel looked at him and grinned. "I'll eat yours, then."

"How's everything going in here?" Emily walked in, behind her Lupin followed.

"Uncle Lu!" Mel rushed over to his side and hugged him, the man chuckled. "You came!"

"Well, hadn't been around for your birthday in a long time, I thought you'd like it," He said, lovingly patting her back.

"I do," She beamed. "We kind of ruined the cake, though, so we should buy doughnuts or something."

"It's a good thing I brought this, then," Lupin lifted his bag and placed it on the table, inside there was a beautifully adorned red velvet cake.

"You just saved my birthday!"

Harry and Erick shared a moody expression and grumbled complaints, Lupin laughed.

"The kids insisted on doing the cakes this year," Emily explained. "I told them it was not an easy job, but they insisted."

"Mel and I have done this before, Erick was the one who wanted to be in charge when he can't even make tea without magic," Harry glared at him.

"Muggles stuff are too complicated, alright?" He huffed.

"I don't mind," Mel said without paying attention to them, she was still beyond happy with her uncle's presence. "I wanted to give my mum a break, Leggie's been a bit hard to handle lately..."

"Is he?" Lupin looked at the little boy Emily was holding. "Is he ill?"

"No, he just cries a lot," The woman sighed. "Wakes us up every night."

"I thought that forcing my mother to bake when she's clearly too tired to be doing anything apart from feeding a baby was a crime," Mel stated. "So I took care of it."

"Then Flint messed it up," Harry taunted.

"And then you fixed it, Uncle Moony," The girl smiled. "So there's no harm done, right boys?"

She looked over her shoulder, raising a brow as if urging them to stop bickering before they embarrassed her in front of Lupin. Both mumbled their agreement, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Lovely," Mel looked back at the adults. "Who wants lunch?"

Mel and Erick were in the kitchen talking in hurried whispers, she appeared to be upset, the young man too. Emily and Remus were in the drawing-room, Harry was upstairs changing Reg's diaper.

"Do you know why they're arguing?" Remus asked, staring at the pair.

"Dumbledore came by this morning before breakfast," Emily sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. "Talked about this mission he had for Erick — you know how eager to help that boy is... so of course the old man came and put his offer on a silver platter, and Mel won't let Erick go on his own, so being the generous soul Dumbledore is," She said sarcastically, "He said she could go too if she wanted to."

"Really?" Remus frowned. "Well... he's been giving her lessons for years, Mily, perhaps he knows she can handle it."

"I don't care," She said bluntly. "That's my daughter, my daughter. Matt's daughter. How can he continue to risk my family's life like it's nothing?"

"You know Matthew did all he that because he wanted to, Dumbledore had nothing to do with his decisions."

"I know," Emily took a deep breath. "But he's got a lot to do with Mel's... she idolizes him."

"You think so?" The man looked over his shoulder again, staring at his goddaughter.

"I don't see why else she'd be so keen to follow his orders..."

"Maybe because she feels guilty?" Remus offered. "After what happened in the ministry..."

Emily pressed her lips together, she didn't want to talk about that.

"That's not her fault and she knows it. I told her it wasn't."

"You weren't there," He said gravely. "She went out of control. I had never seen anything like it, her magic was dark— I mean that literally. All the spells she did came out pitch-black. Dumbledore was the only one who could put a stop to it."

Emily's eyes grew worried, she looked over her shoulder as well and her gaze landed on Mel.

"You think it could be the same thing that Ariana Dumbledore had? That disease?"

"No one knows what happened to her," Remus said. "Not even Matthew knew, and he was part of the family... but it could be. Maybe Dumbledore knows something we don't, maybe this will help her... perhaps she needs this."

Emily stayed silent for a moment, then she groaned.

"I hate that we're always meant to trust him blindly."

"He's lived a hundred years, he might be wiser than all of us, don't you think?"

The woman scoffed, she looked ahead, deep in thought.

"A hundred years... Matthew couldn't even make it to twenty-one! James and Lily barely did... Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban — But at least we all knew how the war looked like then, Remus. We fought for years... my daughter just turned sixteen, she still goes to school!"

"And yet she's already done her fair amount of fighting," The man raised a brow. "We didn't have the experiences she's gone through when we were her age. I stand with Dumbledore, she can do this."

"I'm not saying she can't," Emily grabbed the empty plates to take them to the kitchen. "I'm saying she shouldn't have to sacrifice her youth. Dumbledore asks for too much, I'm sure he's got someone else that could help him with the mission, but he's obsessed with making Mel his perfect copy."

Remus didn't try to argue back, little could convince Emily at this point, she'd never been a fan of Dumbledore, and after Matt's death it was no secret that she openly disliked him, but she still followed his orders, because she knew Dumbledore was the only chance they had to win this war.

Mel and Erick entered the room, neither of them angry, which made Remus think they had reached an agreement.

"I should leave," The man stood up. "Leon's been quiet, maybe Harry managed to make him sleep."

"Or maybe he's just playing with him," Emily stood up as well. "Really, I never thought Harry would get so attached to a baby..."

"I'll miss you, Uncle Lu, I hope to see you soon," Mel said, her eyes avoiding to look into Erick's direction.

"Me too, little Em," Remus hugged her tightly, he whispered in her ear. "Be good to your mother, alright?"

Mel looked at him with confusion, but she nodded anyway.

"So?" Emily crossed her arms. "What are you going to do?"

The young witch stared at her mother, Remus knew that expression. It was true and very strange, how she could have her dad's gaze even though her eyes were exactly like her mother's, but he knew that look, he'd seen it in Matt the last time they had spoken. Mel was done being a kid.

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @wlwmaximoff @reverse-hxlland @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee​ @thelastpyle @hamiltonwc

[kunoichi-ume]

For the WIP sampler: while I'm curious about Noara's death, I'd much rather hear about her adventures!

Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

Sure you don’t wanna hear about Noara dying? About Torian getting there just in time to be too late to save her, but early enough to get to say goodbye? To say an edited version of the Mandalorian wedding vows because even if she doesnt know it he won’t make her lie to him (about raising children together I mean)? About Noara asking if now she can sleep, just for a moment, and Torian knows it will be longer? 

No? Okay. 

Actually writing her dying at all was a writing exersize that @cinlat sort of dared me to do, sort of a “you never know your character until you put them through ALLLLLL the hell” thing cause I don’t really plan to kill Noara. (Sith Noara however... her days are numbered.)

Noara’s adventure log started when I felt I didn’t really know Noara well enough to keep writing I’ve Got You and was kicking myself for starting the fic so far into the canon story so she wouldn’t be able to grow through her experiences as I worked on her (instead she had to be a finished product and that was bugging me so much!) so I started on Tython and getting into her head from the start.

Have a couple snippets, cause the start of this post was rude I know. They are a bit on the long side, but other than @cinlat who I am pretty sure I shared this doc with, odds are no one else will see this fic if and when I pick it up again because it was more character study than anything but damn if I didnt have fun with it.

Noara’s thoughts as she arrives on Tython to start her trials:

This was the farthest from home she had ever been, not counting wherever she had been before the Jedi brought her to the enclave she’d been raised in. Now she’d left the only home she’d ever known to prove her worth and, hopefully, pass her trials. If she didn’t her dreams of traveling the galaxy and helping people would be gone. She’d be stuck in a research position or raising crops or something else equally unfulfilling even if she understood the necessity of it.

Failure wasn’t an option, not for Noara.

If all the times she had snuck out of her academic classes were any indication, she wouldn’t enjoy life as a scholar.

And the first time she takes a life, even if it’s a Flesh Raider determined to kill her is a big moment for her too:

Noara followed the rock formations, giving her on side where an ambush was less likely, and rounded a corner to see exactly what she had worried she might when she heard their name. Three of the reddish-pink rough skinned creatures crouched on the ground feasting on dead bodies. To make it worse two of the bodies were Jedi and one was their own kind. Flesh eaters and cannibals. That image was going to stick with.her. 

Adjusting her grip on her sabers, wishing she had weapons as real as this fight was going to be, she stepped around the rocks and crouched slightly. Pulling the Force around her, she leapt, propelling herself the considerable distance between her and the Flesh Raiders. They reared up as she landed, one coming at her with a training saber it probably stole off one of the dead Padawans, while the other two drew blasters. 

Reacting quickly, she blocked the first Flesh Raiders first strike before Force pushing it away to buy her time to deal with the other two. As it stumbled away, she slashed her blades at the two firing at her. They knew how to use the blasters, but their aim was horrendous. They hadn’t had these weapons long and she was easily able to sidestep their shots and cut each across the chest with the electrified edges of her blades. 

The creatures cried out, horribly gargled sounds by their misshapen mouths, as they fell. An angry cry behind her reminded Noara of the third Flesh Raider and she turned just in time to block a strike aimed at her skull. Before the beast could react to her quick movement, she stabbed it through the gut with her other weapon. 

It fell, dead, at her feet and Noara had to yank her training saber out of it’s ribcage where it had gotten lodged. She turned her sabers off and frowned at the blood, a sickly brown color, that clung to them. She wanted to clean them but had a feeling this wouldn't be her last fight and that it would be a wasted effort. 

It wasn’t until the smell hit her that what she had just done really sank in. She’d killed them, hadn’t even hesitated. Noara waited for the regret, the sickening guilt her masters had told her would accompany every life she took, but it didn’t come. Just relief that it was them lying on the ground and not her and the familiar thrill she always felt when sparring. She’d assumed that it would be different in a real fight, that it would be less exciting to win when it meant something else died but it wasn’t.

That thought scared her, because she knew how it sounded. It went against everything Jedi stood for and were taught. Taking a deep breath, she pushed all of that away to meditate on later. She was in a dangerous situation and there were other Padawans depending on her. 

And younger Noara might just have an attitude problem, but ya gotta admit the Flesh Raider problem on Tython was seriously mismanaged...

When Noara answered her com a small image of Knight Weller, bending down to brace a wound on his leg, appeared. He looked her image over in relief. “You’re unharmed, good. A Flesh Raider shot me in the leg while I was rescuing some Padawans. No idea where they got blasters, but they know how to use them. I’ve been evacuated to a medcenter but the fighting isn’t over.”

Noara sighed but bit back the comment she wanted to make. For a planet that should be full of some of the galaxy's best warriors they were pretty bad at crisis management. “Will there be reinforcements coming? I’m up to my neck in monsters here.”

Weller nodded. “Some are already there, but they keep pouring in. We need to stop them at the source. Padawan Unaw Aharo found a cave the Flesh Raiders tunneled through to get into the valley. I need you to go and make sure they don’t get more reinforcements through it.”

Noara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her patience was wearing thin, the handling of this situation left much to be desired and her understanding was that all Jedi on Tython were meant to be taking their trials. How any could be at that point and defenseless was beyond her. As far as she had seen, she was the only competent warrior on the whole planet but she wasn’t near arrogant enough to think she could take on every Flesh Raider out there on her own. “I don’t know how much I can do on my own, but I’ll do whatever I can to push them back and see if there is a way to seal the tunnel.”

“You won’t be alone for long,” Weller reassured her. “Master Orgus Din is on his way as well. We need to end this conflict before anyone else gets hurt. Find the cave along the east mountain ridge. May the Force be with you.”

His image winked out of sight and she huffed in annoyance. It had been a few hours since she had been sent into the field to fight the invaders and they were finally sending a member of the council to come help? What were the Jedi Masters doing while Padawans were being captured and killed? So far all she had learned on Tython was that she was lucky to have finished her combat training on Naboo before making the journey, being sent here without it could have been akin to a death sentence.

Master Doran had warned her the trials would be difficult when he tried to talk her into putting them off until she was a little older, but somehow Noara didn’t think this was what he meant.

And then her day just gets worse and worse when she gets to the cave and has to face the rogue Jedi commanding the Flesh Raiders:

The rogue Jedi lunged at her, swinging his lightsaber toward her neck. 

Noara just managed to dodge the blow, stepping quickly back. The second swing she caught with one of her training sabers, the blue energy blade crackling against the metal. 

“You think to defeat me with those toys?” He laughed, pushing her back with his superior strength and leaving marks in the ground where Noara tried to keep her footing. When most of his weight was committed to pushing her, she dropped to the ground, ducking under his arm and slipping behind him as he stumbled past her.

Using a move Master Doran always called reckless, she leapt into the air. Using the Force she propelled herself across the cavern to where his Flesh Raider backup was. Noara knew that if she wanted a glimmer of a chance to get out of here alive, she couldn’t face all three of them at once. Landing between them, Noara pushed the Force in a ring out from her body and knocked both away from her and to the ground. Stunned, neither stirred. She turned just in time to block the rogue Jedi’s attack with her training sabers crossed in front of her. He pressed forward, forcing Noara to step back again.

Obviously he had an advantage in both size and strength over her. She was going to need to be faster and cleverer. Before he could make her step back again, Noara kicked him in the gut. Not letting up when he stepped back, she followed him, pushing his lightsaber away from her with one of her blades and hitting his sword arm as hard as she could with the other. He dropped the saber with a sharp cry. 

Noara turned, releasing one of her training sabers to call his weapon to her. Before she caught it he tackled her, his shoulder digging into her gut. As they tumbled to the ground she lost her grip on her other weapon. She was never much of a grappler, her creche mates had often wiped the floor with her in unarmed spars but she had learned enough to know she couldn’t let him pin her. They landed hard on the ground, rolling a few times before he had straddled her waist and punched her in the face.

Lifting her hips off the ground, Noara tried to throw him off  but he was too high on her torso for that to work. Leaning forward he pinned her with his weight and wrapped his hands around her throat. Clawing at his fingers, she turned her head back and forth, trying to find a way out of this before remembering she was still armed. Pulling her leg up as close as she could, Noara blindly reached for her boot. Each of her boots had a dagger hidden in a discrete sheath inside the boot. 

Noara’s chest was on fire as she gasped for air and her vision was starting to dim. Reaching out to the Force for strength, she managed to grab the dagger’s hilt and pull it out of her boot. Without hesitation she stabbed him, driving the dagger into his side. He cried out in pain, releasing her neck and she was able to breath again. She ripped the dagger out of his flesh as he fell off of her. Running on pure adrenaline she followed him, burying the bloodied dagger hilt deep into his chest. 

Blood gushed around her hand and when he coughed it left bloody spots all over his face. “Killing me changes nothing,” he gasped wetly, “long live the new order.” The rogue Jedi took another gurgling breath before going limp under her and she felt his life force fading. 

Pushing herself away from his corpse, Noara tried to breathe through the pain in her chest and throat. 

“Look out!” Aharo cried, making Noara turn her head just in time to see the two forgotten Flesh Raiders approaching her. 

The dagger was still in the dead man’s chest but she spotted the lightsaber lying on the ground. She pulled it to her hand, activated it and threw it at them. With the Force she controlled it’s trajectory to strike them both. The Flesh Raiders fell to the floor, making similar death rattles to the ones she had heard all day. 

For a moment Noara didn’t move, leaning on her hand to keep herself upright while she waited for the next attack. When it didn’t come she slumped on the ground let out a shaky breath. Aharo, holding his gut, limped over to her. 

“That was amazing, I thought we were dead for sure,” he said, dropping to his knees next to her. “Are you alright?”

Noara nodded where she lay. “Yeah, I think so.”

[theoi-crow]

Hi Rosegold! I'm sorry to bother you, but I was going through your blog the other day and was just filled with this loving and good feeling. A couple days later, I got hit with this fuzzy warm, loving feeling. Immediately a lit a couple candles and just meditated for a bit. I was super smiley and it was crazy. I'd never experienced that before. I immediately thought maybe Aphrodite was trying to communicate with me or something of the sort. I did some tarot and at first tried to confirm

Pt. 2. Confirm it was aphrodite... long story short, the cards told me that in fact I was being contacted by another deity? Persephone? And she was just dropping in for a word and didnt want to form any relationship with me at all. And I felt so silly and hurt. I have no experience with diety work, how the relationships between diety and person are supposed to be... I am in a phase of my life where I am working to love myself. I just wanted to ask for your advice and thoughts? Thanks and sorry!

Hi. Me again. So sorry to be a bother again. I just wanted to clarify that the thought of working with aphrodite gave me hope to actually care about taking care of myself. I've had mental health issues in the past, and am in my twenties and I know I'm just a stranger rambling to you, but the experience I had was quite shocking to me and I felt you would both understand and give me some clarity. I apologize for any annoyance I have caused you. Oh and Happy halloween!

----------------

Hi!

I'm sorry for taking so long to answer and I apologize to any who are still waiting, my school semester finally picked up and I have so much school work, essays and tests to do.😭

The moment I opened your messages I felt Aphrodite trying to reach you and going "no, it was me, it's still me!" Needless to say I felt like I opened your ask and pink powder smoke with glitter popped out of it. Which makes sense because when it comes to self love, Aphrodite is such a boss.

I understand the need for confirmation via tarot but sometimes your energy can block a deity.

I'm sure Persephone wanted to temporarily work with you because she also helps with healing, but when your lack of self love needs mending, it could be hard to see Aphrodite, especially when we expect ourself to have some form of look or pre-conceived idea of what we think we should be before we can "qualify" as an Aphrodite devotee.

I've met and have been the type of person who thinks "why would Aphrodite bother with an ugly little thing like me?" Because we live in a world that profits from our insecurities. These insucurities end up making us block Aphrodite from reaching us because when your mind is convinced it CAN'T be her, it will come up with all sorts of excuses as to why it's not.

"I was going through your blog the other day and was just filled with this loving and good feeling........A couple days later, I got hit with this fuzzy warm, loving feeling. Immediately a lit a couple candles and just meditated for a bit. I was super smiley and it was crazy."

These are the exact same feelings that tell me Aphrodite is around me. The warm fuzzy feeling, loving and good feeling, being super smiley--- these are the emotions that come with feeling Aphrodite's energy. This is her giving you a big warm hug! She's letting you know that she cares, you're not alone, she's here and this is what her love feels like.

"I'd never experienced that before. I immediately thought maybe Aphrodite...."

This is the quote from your ask that tells me it was Aphrodite because it's a Godphone moment. A lot of people expect a god-PHONE to work like an actual phone where the communication is very clear but it's not that easy because we're complicated, the gods are complicated and life is hectic.

One of my favorite godphone moments is when I wonder something and get an immediate mental picture, name mentally pops up or intuitive nudge. "I immediately thought" is what I mean because it was a reply to you wondering about those fuzzy feelings.

I personally don't like relying on tarot when I get intuitive nudges like this because things like these will and have happened to me in the past.

I'm not saying no one should ever use tarot to confirm a deity, but when you get an intuitive nudge like the one you had where you immediately thought maybe Aphrodite, you should trust it because your nervous energy might affect what the cards tell you.

And you mean a lot to me so please don't think that you're being a bother 🤗 Aphrodite wants to work with you. I can feel her calling you just by what you've told me. You matter to her and she's sending you hugs and support.

She knows you're struggling with self love and wants to help.

Here's a post that might help you further your relationship with her: (LINK)

Again, Aphrodite sees you struggling and is trying to connect regardless of what the tarot said. Your own desire to work with her tells me she wants to work with you.

I hope this helps.

May Aphrodite wrap you in the wings of her doves so you may feel secure, loved and at peace with yourself, because you are more amazing than you know.

[thebadguyalways-blog]

Bonnie & Clyde || Tom Riddle x Reader ♧part 2♧

When I woke up in the morning the first thing I thought about was the books I stole. I sat up straight and looked around. The dorm was empty. I yawned and reached over to my bag while looking at the clock that told me it was exactly 11.00am. Luckily, t was saturday. I opened the book on dark magic and skipped a few pages until I came across something that peaked my interest.

Horcruxes.

I've read about them numerous times before. I have however never fully been able to understand how one makes a horcrux. I knew it involved splitting the soul but the next page was ripped out of the book. I yawned again while closing the book. I looked at my bag and picked up the book on Voodoo rituals.

I carelessly flipped through the pages, not really paying attention to the titles of different rituals. I was with my head somewhere else until suddenly a small spark shot through my middle finger. It didn't hurt. I in fact am nit even completely sure if I even felt it. It was more mental than physical. I looked at the page I was on and read the title.

'Wither away evil love spells and restore ones ability to love normally'

I was quite intrigued to be honest. Even though I was pretty sure I wasn't under a love spell, something told me that it would come in handy.

'Make a solid heart-shaped form out of dough or clay and carve the name of the person who cursed you.'

This wasn't like any of the magic we were thought in school. It was almost like a religion.

'Under the moon a day prior to the full moon dig a hole and put the heart in. And squeeze the lemon over it.'

I read the entire ritual and then closed the book with a sigh.

I put both books away and dressed myself and brushed my teeth before walking out of the dorms and into the surprisingly empty common room. Then it hit me and I rolled my eyes.

The first Hogsmeade weekend. There were three in a year. Some students have complained it wasn't enough. Others like myself think there are too many. I never really go. Got nobody to sign my permission slip so what can you do. I went to sit on one of the love chairs in the corner of the room rather than the couch in the center.

I looked around the empty common room to make sure nobody was there and grabbed the book on dark magic again since the voodoo one kinda creeped me out a little bit.

I tried again to find some more information that I wanted on horcruxes but was again unsuccesful. It was all for recreational purpouses ofcourse.

I heard some news in the corridors that muggles were dealing with some kind of criminal couple. They go town to town robbing banks and shops. The woman -I think her name is Bonnie Parker- is said to keep going on and on about how she wants to be remembered for a long time after she dies. She wants everyone to know her name. That's why they cause so much mayhem and chaos together. To be known by the people.

I wanna be remembered when I die. Also not just by friends. But by everyone. But in the wizarding world things like that are more complicated than just robbing a few banks and killing 3 or 4 people. I'm gonna have to achieve something big. But Bonnie and Clyde were my OTP. Even if thhey were muggles.

In that moment right then I decided that I in fact wanna be remembered and known by everyone. And I was gonna do anything to achief my goal. Causing mayhem and chaos isn't an exception.

I flipped through the pages again mindlessly thinking about something huge I could achief that will put my name in the history books when I was snapped out of my thoughts by the closing of the common room door.

I quickly closed the book and hid it behind my back. I looked up to see a pissed looking Tom Riddle walking into the common room. He was looking at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What were you holding?" He asked spitting every word with annoyance framing it.

"Um a book, what did it look like?" I asked sarcasticly.

"Don't act funny, what is the title of the book." He asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Why are you so mad? And why do you wanna know what I'm reading?"

Tom huffed and walked over to me at a fast angry pace.

"I was in the library and I noticed my book was missing." He said.

"Um, it's a library. Students get books there all the time. Now if what you're getting at is that I happen to have the book you're looking for I'd tell you to leave because I really don't think you'd be into these kinds of books." I told him.

Why the fuck would he want a book on dark magic? This boy has the highest grade in all our classes, what can't he do with normal magic, that he can do with dark magic.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment.

"Just tell me the title of the book and I'll leave you alone." He negotiated.

I sighed. I was 100% sure I didn't have his book.

"I can't." I said honestly.

He raised his eyebrows as if asking me what the fuck I was getting at.

I sighed.

"You'll think I'm psycho, and you'll tell everyone and then I'll get in trouble." I explained.

He smirked slightly.

"I won't. Just show me the book (Y/L/N)" He sighed. The small smirk still present.

I groaned. "Fine" I said and slowly got the book from behind my back.

I handed it to him and he stared at it. His smirk was growing bigger. "What's a girl like you doing with a book on dark magic?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes. "You've seen the cover, may I have my book back now?" I asked him keeping my eyes on the book.

"No." he said.

I looked at him. He still had the smirk on his face with one eyebrow raised higher than the other.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone and leave me alone." I said in a little bit more of a whine than I intended.

He chuckled.

"That's not why you're not getting it back." He stated. "You're not getting it back because it's mine."

I narrowed my eyes trying not to let him notice how surprised I was.

"What does someone like you need with black magic." I asked.

He raised his brows. "What do you mean 'someone like me'?" He asked.

"You know... someone that's good at every class and probably one of the most powerful students here." I described. "I'm just trying to say that you probably don't need black magic to make you a better wizard"

His facial expression turned into a amused one.

"You're oblivious to the fact that you are the second best student in Hogwards. No?"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"That you have the best grade in herbology, transfiguration, divination and care of magical animals." He said "And you're second best in the rest of them exept for history of magic where you're third." he finished.

My mouth fel agape.

"How-" I started to ask.

"I wanted to know who I should see as a threat." He answered.

I stared at him. Right then was the first moment in my life that I couldn't read someones expression. Was he joking? Was he serious? Should I be worried?

"Don't worry." He said "I realised I'd much rather have you as an ally."

He stepped closer and sat down on the other love seat in front of me. He leaned over and placed his elbows on his knees folding his hands in front of him.

"Interesting." I said with an unnoticable yawn and put my elbow on the chair arm and leaned my head on my hand. "Tell me more." I said.

Riddle smiled.

"I wanna do something big." he said "Something bad."

I grinned at the way he was describing his plan. "Acting all mysterious are we?" I asked.

He shot me a glare.

"I've been watching you, (Y/L/N), for a while now. You have potential." He said.

I smirked. "And may I ask what exactly I have potential for?" I asked.

He shrugged and leaned back in the chair. "Still figuring that out." He said "All I know is that you're too special to stay unnoticed your entire life. You have to be known. A name everyone knows but is too afraid to speak. The persom every mother warns her child about. A face that lets everyone know that the world is ours. That's (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the queen of darkness, the dutchess of chaos, my Dark Lady."

He had his way with speech. Everyone knew that. This vision of his spoke to me in a way that no one other could. Even if someone else had the same vision, ideas or believes as Riddle. No one knew how to put his thoughts into words like he did. It impressed me, to say the least. I was high on the idea of being known, maybe feared by every single witch and wizard. 'His Dark Lady' I repeated in a whisper. I was als so impressed by the way he could actually make me believe him for a second. Even though I didn't doubt his believes. His intentions were another story. He wouldn't lie. He had too much pride, too big of an ego to lie about his plans. He just leaves a lot of his plan out. I know for a fact that he didn't tell me everything. I pity everyone who was truly stupid enough to trust Tom Riddle.

"What exactly is your plan?" I asked.

Riddle tutted while shaking his head. "You're going to have to prove you are trustworthy first." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "How." I asked. He smirked. "That's for me to know and for you to find out." He said before standing up and walking towards the door.

"Wait!" I called after him.

He turned around and looked at me expectantly.

"Will you tell me about horcruxes?"