#i told my friend about it and he said poland is being straight and honestly thats so probable its scary 💀

[sunbloomdew]

ans fandom i need your help. especially if you have the official english release of volume 13. this is serious (it's not, i'm just curious fhksndms)

you know the iconic scene of obi telling zen he likes him and shirayuki while they're on the ship? the polish version of my manga translated it in a way that surprised me and i need to know if this translation is fine and actually how the other official release did this too, or if the translators were concerned about distinguishing that "no!! obi doesnt like zen 'like that'!! just shirayuki!!"

so in the polish volume zen first asks obi if he "likes" him. obi responds that he "likes" him. then zen asks what about shirayuki? and in the polish version obi says he "loves" her.

the wording took me so off guard, simply because when i first read this chapter online both answers used the word "like". to be clear, the word "love" makes sense in this context but my "potential straight bullshit" senses are tingling

so i wanna know. does the english translation also do this (use "like" when referring to zen and use "love" when referring to shirayuki), or is poland being straight with this one

[genesisrose74]

Christmas With the Karasuno Boys (HC’s)!!

Part 2: Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kinoshita, & Narita

Part 1 (Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, & Ennoshita) here!

A/n: Tumblr said my word count was too much so I’m splitting this bad boi up into two parts :p Enjoy!!

*****

Kageyama

This boy has a secret soft side for Christmas istg

He HATES showing it to other people on his team and shit

But holy bejeezus he is mesmerized by the holiday in every way possible

Lights, sweets, snow, just like,,, the general magic of December is the most awe-inspiring thing to him

Since he is still a sporty and pretty active mofo, you decided to fuel that on your holiday-themed date as Kags had noted that he’d never gone sledding before

Your jaw was on the FLOOR when he first told you because he would 10000% enjoy the hell out of it

And so you dragged him out to this popular sledding hill that you frequented as a child and taught him what to do

Not gonna lie, he was kind of nervous

“Well you’re experienced at it. I don’t wanna mess up”

🥺🥺🥺 bubby

“You won’t, Tobio! I can already tell you’re gonna be a sledding pro”

Feels a little better after that, but he asks you to help him out for his first run down the hill

He sits behind you with his arms secured snugly around your waist and his head nestled on top of your shoulder

Which would probably seem really funny to passerby because this boy is tol and intimidating in most other situations

As soon as the sled started down, Kags tightened his grip and made this cute little yelp of surprise

But you were laughing insanely hard at the combination of going really fast downhill whilst also having your boyfriend cling to you for dear life

And then when the sled stopped safely at the bottom he started to chuckle

FULL ON, GENUINE SOUND OF ENJOYMENT

That shit is rare

Y’all stayed at that hill for half the day because it was so fun

You got him a new, very high quality athletic roller for Christmas because his old one was just not cutting it anymore

And you also gave him this really cute bracelet with a volleyball, his jersey number, and a little strawberry milk set of charms attached to it

It matched this really pretty and subtle chain he’d bought for your birthday

His blueberry eyes got all wide with affection dfjdskfjsdk—

Got super blushy and couldn’t get a handle on his speech for a fat minute

He thinks you’re the coolest person ever no I do not take criticism

Geez you’re both adorable together, ideal “stoic boy becomes warmer during the holidays around his love” movie plot and I love it

Hinata

He is all in on Christmas. Not a chance this boy doesn’t get excited as hell

Will openly go into holiday mode as soon as November is over

Was secretly already listening to his Christmas playlist before then

He is one of the sweetest gift givers, that is FACTUAL

If you want something really badly, he will take notice and get it as your present immediately

He’ll also gift you an extra thing that’s handmade 🥺

Like some pastries that his mom helped him make, or a specially made basket of soaps with your favorite scents in it

It’s absolutely adorable and you cherish those ones especially

Is happy if you simply get him something; mans doesn’t care what it is

New practice volleyball? A brand new sweatshirt? Elated either way

You had seen an advertisement for a friendly match between Japan and Poland’s men’s volleyball teams, so you waited online on the ticket sales website until the minute it opened

Spoiler alert: you got some banger seats 😌✨

Shoyo may or may not have tackled you when he read the ticket details, letting out his excited giggle (you know the one)

“I can’t believe you got these, angel! You’re coming with me, right? You’ve gotta! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Gives you sweet little kisses between each individual ‘thank you’

“Of course I’ll go with you, Sho! I’m really glad you like it!”

He will give you the brightest smile of all time — that shit makes Christmas lights pale in comparison

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

RIGHT BACK AT YOU BBY

Hold his hands to warm up together when temperatures drop pls :)))

It’s become a weekly December tradition to watch a Christmas movie with Natsu at the Hinata household

She’ll sit in your lap while the three of you are cuddled under a blanket together, and Shoyo will lace his fingers with yours all discreetly

In conclusion, I am a sucker for holiday Hinata 🥺🥺🥺

Tsukishima

His room is decorated to the very minimum simply because his mom and brother had insisted on him being festive

You know those holiday instrumentals that are really calming and jazzy and stuff? Yeah, that’s the only Christmas music he will tolerate in his house

While he’s still got his usual icy demeanor, this blond bitch does get slightly less snippy with the Karasuno boys

Is always on the nose with getting you the exact thing you wanted for a present

Like,,, TO THE SMALLEST DETAIL

You don’t even have to bring that shit up beforehand, he just KNOWS

“Tsukki, how did you—?”

“It’s pretty obvious, with the way that one ad kept showing up on your phone.”

b r u h

How does he pay such good attention without even letting on??

As for his own present, you’ll usually get him two: one gag gift and one more serious gift

His dino plush collection size is partly due to the former’s contributions this time of year

Yes the dinos have names

You exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve with all the team (you made him go) and he saved your more serious one for last

It was a scarf that you’d gotten custom made, which had a Spotify code knitted into the fabric

Scanning the code opened the app to a playlist you’d created especially for him

He got pretty quiet when figuring it out and scrolling through the playlist

Would let out a certified Tsukki Nose Exhale™ when he came across certain songs

The more subdued reaction was expected because it’s Tsukishima

His little chuckles and warmer eyes were enough of a giveaway to tell you he very much enjoyed your gift

But on the walk home, he took the scarf and wrapped it around you both, and then brought his arm around your waist

“Thank you.”

You deadass almost combusted because it was so unexpected??

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Kei”

Way to respond calm and collected 😌👍

But on the inside your body was in freak out mode

He wears the scarf all the time jdfsklfjdsk

Yamaguchi

Take the most tooth rotting fluff you could imagine

And then double that and put a fucking cherry on top

That’s the equivalent of what Christmas is like with Yama Yama

Y’all are like kids in a candy store — literally

For your Christmas dates it’s all about sweets and shared giggles, so frequent trips to the candy and baking isles of the grocery store is a must

Making gingerbread houses, peppermint tasting (mostly trying those different and wild ass candy cane flavors), you name it and it’s there

Stomach aches? I don’t know her

Yeah you do but they go away with enough butterfly kisses 🥰

Tadashi is exceptionally good at decorating gingerbread houses for whatever reason

He put a poll on his instagram between yours and his final products and he won by a landslide

It’s not like yours was necessarily bad, more like he’s just an icing master

You also might have eaten too many gumdrops which left your rooftop lacking in ✨spice✨

But it’s okay because Tadashi donated some of his leftovers to you

He’s such a sweetheart uwu

Please for the love of everything get him something heartfelt as his present

You know those long distance bracelets for couples?

Basically if your s/o taps the icon on the bracelet it’ll send a little vibration to the other person’s as a notice that you’re thinking about them

This boy seeks constant reassurance, and you love to give him his deserved love and validation, so it was the perfect present

It takes a second for him to figure out what it is, but after reading the directions and testing it out, the most adorable smile erupted on his face

And then since you already had yours on, he tapped the little icon again with a giggle

“Hey there”

It becomes common habit to tap it at least once every couple hours

GOD HE IS SO CUTE

He is just so soft this time of year, give him all the love and he will return it tenfold ☺️

Kinoshita

This boy is absolutely an awkward cutie and an avid romantic

Give him the cliches and he will eat em up, no doubt

It naturally gets more apparent around the holidays

He’ll take you on pretty winter walks, give you lots of little gifts (while blushing a hell of a lot), and is just a professional at stumbling upon some mistletoe

Wow wonder how it got there, Hisashi

He’s quite a bit more confident when simply alone with you than in a crowded space

And that definitely shows when he takes you out on a secluded sleigh ride around town

Yeah you heard me

A fuckin’ sleigh ride

Horses and blankets and everything

Don’t even ask how he managed to pull it off, because he loves watching the cogs turn in your head and simply will not give you a straight answer

Of course there’s the nice driver guy who’s there, but in the back alone Kinoshita’s confidence goes 📈📈

Lots of flirting, tons of skimmed touches and shared giggles throughout the ride

I legitimately simp really hard for him

Anyways it was a gorgeous ride through town and super fun

On Christmas Eve you both exchange gifts together and tbh whatever you got him will leave him happy and flustered regardless

But when he opens the wrapping paper to find an entire set of vintage VHS tapes, he’s stunned

He owns a VHS (actually canon!) and honestly loves it to death, and the fact that you’d get him tapes of pretty high quality for his collection meant a lot

Gosh he’s so underrated but a definite sweetheart, give him all the holiday love

Narita

Another underrated bby 🥺

He’s so chill and is pretty open to anything during the holidays, so long as he gets to spend ample time with you, his friends, and his family

Definitely more of an indoor person despite being accepting of most situations

Hence why you thought a cute little indoor winter picnic would be right up his alley

Which it absolutely was 😌✨ nice work

You’d made plans while in secret communications with his family members about the whole thing

He’d been pretty stressed lately with trying to handle his schoolwork, while also helping out others with theirs

Despite being a wonderful tutor, it was clearly becoming a bit overwhelming as he tried to grapple with so much at once

So when he came home one day to find a pristine house with you settled on a blanket in his living room, he was quite surprised

There’s a cheese plate, soda cans in a cute ice box, sandwiches, snacks, a presparked fireplace — you and his family went all out

Really adorable I cannot lie

“I thought you said you were going gift shopping today?”

“I might have maybe lied :P”

So he gives the sweetest little smile and sits across from you

Y’all stay there and talk for hours

After finally getting through everything previously laid out on the blanket spread, you slid him a little rectangular box that he looked at curiously

“Already? I haven’t wrapped yours yet!”

“Mine can wait a bit! Just open yours”

And so he does, and you watch with a face-splitting grin as he looks down in awe

You got tickets to see his favorite rock band in concert while they were on tour

He sprung onto you and pulled you into the tightest hug ever

“Holy shit you’re the best I love you so much how do you get even more loveable every day—!?!l”

It’s a jumble of words but you’re able to put it together and it makes you giggle

He deadass sprints upstairs to go get your gift and make sure that you feel as equally appreciated as he does

In simple words: wholesome holiday sweetness 🥰

[oh-boleyn]

time stands still

words: 4052, one shot, language: english. f/f (parrlyn)

tw: blood, gore, death

Some people would say they are cursed, and Cathy would usually agree.

Other times, she would think it was a blessing.

This life, she doesn’t know.

“Are you sure you don’t remember?” Anne asks one night.

They are in bed, peacefully resting bathed in moonlight. The pair sleep in the attic of the old house in the outskirts of London. The bed is adjusted to the only window in the room, being that the only source of light they allow so late at night.

“About what?” Catherine looks at Anne, confused but not worried.

“Our past lives.”

“I remember about it, we do the show every night.” She laughs, as if it was obvious.

“But do you only remember about it? Nothing else?”

“What else should I remember?”

“Other lives.” Boleyn is just whispering now.

“We had other lives?” Parr frowns, she takes the other girl hands on her own.

“We had a hundred of them.”

“Tell me about it.”

There is a sparkle in her eyes, craving curiosity, the insatiable hungry of knowledge every Catherine Parr shared.

“Are you sure? None of them end well.”

Cathy considers it for a moment and then nods.

(…)

I remember one from not that long ago. We were living in Poland. It was after the great war. You moved across the street when you were twelve, I was eleven. The first moment I saw you, something made me get closer to you. An impulse you may call it.

We went to different schools, but would talk and play all day in your backyard. Your mom made the best cookies, even when she couldn’t buy something since you were lacking ingredients and money. She just had a way to do them.

I remember the day my dad bought me my first bike, we ride it all day, from your house to mine and back to your house. George was still little and Mary was just a little older than me. We were Jewish and he owned a shop.

When we were fifteen you once snuck into my house, and we have a sleepover.

(“Have you, Anne Boleyn, ever kissed someone?”

“I haven’t. What about you, Catherine Parr?”

“I haven’t. Would you do it? Kiss someone?”

Anne bitted her lip, looking at Catherine’s. It was a sudden desire. She knows that it would be bad if they got caught, but still couldn’t resist. With a sudden move their lips are touching, united in a soft kiss. It was brief but it felt like hours.

Anne knew she was in love.

“Have I ever told you about our past lives?” Catherine asks.

“We have past lives?”)

It was lovely, honestly. You looked so cute that night in the moonlight.

(…)

“That’s not a bad story.” Catherine says, playing with Anne’s fingers.

“You are forgetting the time and place, baby.”

(…)

After that, they passed a law. Things were complicated in Germany. Poland didn’t want more Jews. If you haven’t been living there for at least five years you weren’t consider a citizen, and you were there for almost four.

The last time I saw you was when you were boarding a ship to America.

I died not long after in a concentration camp.

(…)

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

(…)

There was another time, I think it could be another universe.

(…)

“Another universe? Do you mean it’s not only a time thing?”

“We have lived in other universes, other planets. This reality is just one of them.”

“Continue, please.”

(…)

As I was saying, I think it was another universe. I was a princess. I can’t remember the name of the land but you should have seen it, it was glorious. I lived in a magnificent old stone castle. It is true that winters were way too cold, but the views were amazing.

I think it was another universe because I had a dragon, she was my best friend. I found her when she was little, dragons were something so weird to find or have that I couldn’t believe she liked me. Her scales refracted the light of the sky, and the touch was like metal mixed with silk.

When I turned sixteen, my father organized a duel. All the knights were there, even George participated. Mary and I were rooting for a Sir whose name I also can’t remember.

And there was this no one. No one knew their name, or were they came from. But they started winning all the duels. They even won against the Sir.

When they won the last duel, my father asked for that person to come with us.

You took your helmet off and that was it. I fell in love immediately.

My father made you my knight. And if I wasn’t sure we were meant to be before, I was when my dragon offered you a ride.

(“Are you sure, my lady, I should do this?”

“Yes, if you are afraid, I can come with you.”

Anne got her dragon, Antlia, to remain still. Catherine went first, and then Anne. Antlia started flying slowly, passing woods and mountains, getting higher each time. Then she stopped in a mountain, letting them in a cave.

Boleyn almost falls in the slippery ice, but Parr holds her.

“My hero” Anne whispers.

Catherine had her arm around her waist, holding her close.

Anne closed the distance between them with a kiss.

Catherine stops her after a while.

“Have I ever told you this is not our first kiss?”)

Not long after I discovered I was not my mother’s kid, but I was product of an affair of my dad with a witch. After that, my brother went crazy, calling me a danger, worried I might take his place as a king. Afraid of my power.

We fought against him for years.

You killed him when he was distracted after slicing my head.

(…)

“You named a dragon Antlia?”

“Is that what you take from that life?” She suspired. “Anyway, I did. And she was gorgeous.”

“Is that your favorite life?”

“No.”

“Have we ever lived in a modern time?”

(…)

I worked in a newspaper, I wanted so bad to be a writer but, in the meanwhile, I was an assistant. Everyday I would go out and try to find the thing that would be my first article. I knew I had the potential, all I needed was a story to cover.

One day I went to this factory, the owner said it was ecologic and that sustainability was a reality to them. I found a lot of papers that went against it. I might have trespassed to found it, but nevertheless I had my story right there. He was not okay with that.

While I was trying to take more photos of what I discovered, he fired a gun. A gunshot that was supposed to go straight into my head. And suddenly a blur appeared, and the bullet was gone in a minute.

Next thing I knew, strong arms were letting me outside in a park.

You were a superhero, with superpowers and all of that. You were so fast, and so strong.

I wrote about it, you started giving me more and more interviews. I was the only one who had direct access to you. I soon became famous, gaining a lot of popularity. You did too, but still nobody knew your identity.

(“You can trust me.” Anne said.

“You are press. How can I know that you are not going to go around, telling everyone who I am? It would be the report of the century.”

“Am I reporter? Just that?” Boleyn gets closer, breath heavy and anxious. “I thought we were friends.”

She gives another step. They practically have no space between them, and Anne does what she felt the need to do for months.

She kisses the superhero.

“I know you” Catherine says. “And I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“What do you mean you know me?”

Parr takes her mask off.

“It’s a long story.”)

That was a nice life. We made so many good to a lot of people.

That means we also gained a lot of enemies. A lot of people wanted revenge, and you were an almost indestructible superhero. But I was not.

They killed me while we were trying to save people from a collapsing building.

(…)

Anne stays quiet for a while, just remembering how it felt, how it was. Just taking a moment to think about that life she already lost.

“Can you tell me more stories tomorrow?”

“Yes, of course I can.”

They fall asleep tangled in the bed, just like they did in another hundred lives before.

(…)

Catherine wakes up first, which is weird, and goes downstairs to prepare breakfast.

After her morning coffee she sank in the chair thinking about what Anne told her last night. In other moment she probably wouldn’t believe it, but she was back from the dead. That was enough evidence it might not be the first time.

She thought about all the other options in their lives, and started writing down questions for her girlfriend.

(…)

“C’mon Annie, come to bed, please” Catherine says, making space.

“Wait, I have to take off the glitter. And my boots. Why are you so anxious?”

The fairy lights were still on, giving to room a plus of dim light. The moon was nowhere to be seen; with the clouds it was impossible to see at least a bit of it. Catherine thought it was going to rain. Not that she minded, she loved the sound of it, and how the raindrops would hit the roof.

“I want more stories.”

“Oh, that’s it.”

Anne giggled, taking the last of her make up off. Catherine couldn’t believe how ethereal she looked. Pale, white skin shinning in the obscure room. Boleyn said Antlia’s skin refracted the light from the sky, Parr was sure that in this life it was her, her Annie, the one who could do that.

The girl gets into the bed, and under the sheets. She puts her leg between Cathy’s and takes a deep breath. Resting her head in her girlfriend’s chest, she starts her story.

(…)

There was one I don’t remember a lot about.

It was in the eighties I think, maybe even later.

We met in kindergarten; it was in the United States. We were really young, but still became friends after just one look. I was always attracted to you, like a magnetism I couldn’t scape away from it.

It didn’t take long before we became best friends.

I remember one day we went to a fair and I got lost. You found me; we loved the starts. I tried every night to count them. And you tried to help me. That day my dad was worried sick, my mum was in bed since George was about to be born. I showed up at my house almost in the morning, when the starts started to disappear.

We went through school together, and then we went to the dance. It was so boring, even if the music was good it was not our thing back then. We went up to the roof to watch the start.

(“Remember when you got lost? When we were kids?” Catherine asked.

“Of course! My dad hated me that day.” Anne laughs, carefree.

She didn’t have the burn of a hundred lives lost.

“You know, every time I think I lost you, I always look at the sky.”

“You will always find me in the moon.”

They stare at each other, as if they were both holding the starts, the moon and the universe in their hands. Anne can’t help herself, and kisses Cathy. Hungry, desperate for touching the sun. Because Cathy was the sun and Anne was the moon, they always knew that.

Minutes go away before Cathy talks.

“Do you know this is not the only moon I know?”)

We lived a great life that time, or so I think.

I got diagnosed with early dementia. I started to forget things, names, faces. I forgot you.

The only thing I can remember about those past few years was that you became an astronaut. You went to the moon. I always thought it was to find me. But I was already dead.

(…)

Catherine took a deep breath, eyes full of tears.

“That was not the best life,” Anne says “but still, it was a good one.”

“You died.”

“I know. But it was still good.”

They fall into a comfortable silence for a while.

“Have we ever been in the ancient Rome?”

(…)

We did. Still that history is not as interesting as when we were in Greece. I also think this one might have been in another universe, with other rules.

I grew up near the sea, in a small house with my mother. I always felt attracted to water, I loved taking baths and going to swim. I later discovered I had a reason.

Remember how in one life I wasn’t my mother’s daughter? In this time, I wasn’t my father’s kid. Instead I was the daughter of Poseidon, the Olympian, ruler of the sea, god of the water related things or something like that.

When my mother told me, I ran away. I needed to find my truth, my father.

I got to an ancient kind of school, full of gorgeous woman who knew a lot. They knew how to write, to read, to fight, I was nothing. Knew nothing. They didn’t want to accept me. But you were there and you took me in as your pupil.

You taught me about the symbols. About the culture. Music. Arts. Writing. You have always been a writer, in any world or universe. You showed me your poems, it was beautiful. I was good fighting, or in politics.

(“I have been keeping a secret from you.” Anne says one day after a couple of months.

Her head, adorned with some olive branches was down, she was staring at the fountain. Both of them were dressed in long white robes, incredibly soft for their time.

“So have I.” Parr confess.

“I mean it. It’s a terrible secret.” She takes a deep breath and puts her hand near the water. She started moving the water, making cubes out of it. Even a dolphin. “I am Poseidon daughter.”

Catherine was quiet, admiring Anne’s draws.

“Are you not afraid?”

“Not in a million years.”

Boleyn couldn’t contain herself anymore, and kissed Cathy. The water showering them nicely.

“What was your secret?”

“Would you believe me if I say this is not our only life?”)

We lived peacefully for a while. We lived together and learned a lot. We moved to an isle of only women.  We decided to have a baby and I got pregnant.

We had a daughter; you should have seen her. Her eyes were olive green, and she had freckles.

I died the night she was born, and it rained for a week.

(…)

“You are saying Liz and Mae weren’t our only daughters?”

“They weren’t.”

“And you also died in childbirth?”

“I did.”

Anne is almost asleep when Cathy says “Please tell me one more.”

And Boleyn gives in.

(…)

There is that one, in the Victorian era.

It also didn’t go with this world’s rules, but it was in a darker way. Until I was sixteen my life was as normal as it could be. My dad had money, Mary was older, way older. She had married some random Lord or something like that. My family was hopping I would do so too.

I went with my mother to the theater one night, and as we were going back to the house, a man appeared out of nowhere. He told me I was gorgeous; I was almost perfect. Almost. He wanted to make me perfect. He offered and I said no, but he did it anyway.

First, he started with my mother, letting her paler than I ever saw her. I came next, I felt his lips on my neck, and suddenly something sharper. And it hurt. A fever feeling that was produced nausea. And then I was thirsty, more than I have ever felt. He gave me his wrist and I started drinking, and drinking, before I could notice it was blood.

I don’t remember how, but I ended in a house. Your house.

You told me you were the queen in London and I laughed. And you showed me your fangs.

I shut up.

You told me it was wrong. Vampires are not supposed to do that. To just turn a random person. That they needed consent. You found the one who turned me and punished him.

Years went by, my family noticed something was wrong with me and I started living in the shadows.

I found you again decades later.

(“Catherine! Be aware!”

A vampire slayer was behind the smaller girl. Anne jumped in front of her. It all happened quick and slow at the same time. Parr killing him, and Boleyn falling with a stake in her body.

“Anne!” The woman cried.

She went to hold the girl in her arms. Anne smiled slightly, and with the little strength she still had made a move. Lips and fangs on lips and fangs. They shared a moment, but then Anne felt salty tears in her lips.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because this is not the first nor the last time, I have to see you die.)

We throwed years away in that life because you thought you could save me.

(…)

Anne finishes and quietly snorts, her head still in Catherine’s chest.

Catherine quietly cries, trying not to wake up Anne.

How could it be possible, to lose her in every world, every time. Why did it happen to them? Destiny couldn’t just be that cruel, so horrible and devastating. It hurt, and she didn’t even remember any of those lives.

She stays up until really late, stroking and brushing Anne’s hair, trying to make mental notes about any characteristic feature. Taking it all, studying how her chest moved when she breathed. Feeling warm skin against hers.

When the sleep caught her, it was all nightmares. Anne forgetting, Anne with blood in her eyes, in her neck, on her lips, on her stomach. Anne dead a million times.

Anne, Anne, and just Anne.

(…)

Parr looks like she was hit by a car. Or a bus. Or a truck. Or the three of them. Zombies looked cuter. The queens ask her a million times if she feels okay and she says she does, but deep down it’s a lie only Anne knows.

She doesn’t go to the show, letting Courtney take her place. Anne wants to stay but she knows she has a duty with her fellow queens. Still she tries to make everything quick and go home as soon as she can.

(…)

When she gets there, Parr is just staring at the celling. Eyes lost.

“We missed you today. I missed you today.”

Catherine looks at her.

“You don’t want to talk? That’s okay.” Anne says. She sits on the bed, and Cathy quickly wraps herself and melts into a hug. “I will tell you a story.”

(…)

There was a time, really long time ago. We were in Egypt.

The world was similar to this one, but I swear the sun was brighter. And it was always hot. I was a strange person there, way too white. Way too weird. But you were as always just gorgeous.

You wouldn’t believe how much culture there was, a lot was lost from those times. Not even I can remember all of it right now. Everything was so different, the gods, the language, how they wrote. They made this incredibly good built things and without a lot of resources.

We met one day while in the market, you were selling fruits.

Since that day we met every day, at the same hour. Then we started meeting when the sun went down.

(They were in the light of the moon. Anne entered the river to calm herself from the heat and Parr followed.

Maybe it was being naked, or all the times Boleyn wanted to do it, but she kissed Cathy. It was sloppy, a total mess, and Anne laughed.

“Why do you always follow my lead?”

“Because I did it in every life, and it was always worth it.”)

We just continued to be friends.

I died not long after because an infection.

(…)

“Stop!” Parr screamed. She started crying.

“What’s going on?”

“You die. You always die. If you want to prepare me for it, just stop. I can’t deal with it anymore. Please stop, I can’t lose you.”

Anne takes a deep breath.

“Did you hear all the stories? I never remember, and we never come back twice.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember our lives? With Henry?”

(…)

I was eleven years old when I heard you were born. I never give too much thoughts to it.

After years I went to live in the court, with Henry. Mary was his mistress and my father wanted the same for me. But I didn’t. Years went by, and all happened with Aragon. He created a new church so we could get married, and it was totally out of magnitude.

But we did get married, and it never felt right. There was something missing, something I felt like I needed but it was not there.

An ancient kind of love.

(Elizabeth was born. Henry wanted so bad a boy but was still content with a girl. They had time.

Anne saw her daughter, and kissed her head.

Maybe that was the love for her in that life.

She didn’t realize something was still missing, because Lizzie became her whole world.)

And then it all went downhill.

And no one in all bloody England could save me.

He cut my head with a sword and I died, but in that moment, dying I realized it was not the first time. It all came to me and I wanted to scream.

(…)

“I remembered you, I tried to call for you but there was so much blood, and it hurts so much and I can’t breathe.”

“I wasn’t there.”

“I know.” Anne brushed Catherine’s hair. “And we came back.”

(…)

I came back and I remembered. And I saw you. You told me your life and I was waiting for you to say something else, but you never did.

We came to live together, with the queens, and even when we didn’t meet each other in our past life there was something. We felt a connection. You were attracted to me, even if you didn’t know me.

You helped me through my panic attacks. You stayed by my side, after nightmares, when things got tough. You stayed. And I knew I love you.

(“Anne, I have to say something to you.”

Boleyn thought she was going to confess about her past lives, but before she could talk warm lips where on hers.

“I think I’m in love with you.”)

And I kept my secret.

(…)

“I don’t get it.” Parr states.

“In this world we broke it. You are the one with the blessing of remembering but the curse of watching me go, and I am the one with the blessing of falling in love time and time again, but never knowing why you are so important to me. But this time you don’t remember.”

“Doesn’t that mean you will have to see me go?”

“I already did. I died, and left you alone. Remembering and being five hundred years waiting for a second chance was my curse.” She kissed Catherine’s forehead. “This time we are free to live, my love I promise.”

Cathy sits in the bed, one in front of the others.

“I have loved you in every world, in every time, without knowing you. I loved you endless, without a reason. I loved you for you, in every form. I loved you as a queen, as a monster, as an angel. I loved you knowing I could die. And I will love you time and time again. Because if dying is the price I have to pay to fall in love again with you, Catherine Parr, I will do it.”

[jedivszombie]

today is a really shitty and difficult day and i hate it and how it still makes me feel. this is going to be an anxiety fuelled incoherent stream of consciousness about stupid shit. but i need to get it out otherwise it will eat me alive and i’m sick of not being able to process shit and feeling like the heaviest person alive. 

two years ago today my uncle died of cancer, a few months after he got diagnosed with lung cancer (apparently a rare form, but honestly we have no idea). this would be shit in itself because it’s always shit when someone dies and it’s especially shit when it’s a relative. but, as some of you who have known me for a long time/have followed me here for a long time, my relationship with my uncle and my dad’s whole side of the family was/is strained at best. there’s a lot of bullshit i’m sick of regarding how they feel about my mum and how they feel about my dad’s life choices and their weird idea of what a family is. 

before my uncle died i hadn’t seen him since i was 12. in those 11 years, and tbh quite a few of the years before, i was witness to the ways in which he could be extremely selfish and cruel to my parents. when i was growing up he didn’t care too much to learn about me, he preferred to talk to my brother as they could talk about football etc, and we shared awkward interactions until i turned 16 and got into politics where he decided that i was an Adult worthy of conversation. quite a few times as a kid all the way through to being an adult he upset me greatly as he accused us as a family unit of being shitty people and not having a relationship with my grandparents. 

the year he was diagnosed my dad and him had started to patch up their relationship a bit, as dad had work in poland where my uncle was living, and he had said my uncle was changing a little bit. in the july he got diagnosed but he didn’t tell any of the family until the beginning of october/around my birthday - he had his reasons i partially understand but also honestly don’t think i will forgive him for and i hate myself so much for that. my dad and his parents went to visit them around halloween and he was very gaunt and not well at all. 

as soon as we found out he had cancer, in october 3 months after being diagnosed, i knew straight away that it was worse than he was letting on - don’t ask me how i do not know. i also knew that he would die before the end of the year. my dad and his parents were v much in denial when they visited him but the photos of my uncle were crystal clear for me, he looked skeletal and very sick. not even a month later he was dead. he collapsed after a walk with his dogs and his fiance called my dad early in the morning, he went to hospital, by the end of the day they pronounced him dead and he never woke up. my dad got on the first plane to poland but he was too late. 

when my mum called me to say that he was in hospital and that it didn’t look good i completely broke. i then ended up going to a concert with my friend but when i got home mum told me he hadn’t woken up and that dad was staying in poland to help with funeral arrangements. 

i instantly went into older sister/protection mode and let myself like have one night of grief and then tried to make sure i was strong for everyone. this lasted until his we went to the crematorium and the subsequent funeral in poland where i openly sobbed, feeling very guilty and embarrassed because who was i to react this way??

i have felt, and still feel, very mixed emotions not helped by the fact that everyone we met in poland said he talked about us a lot and how he had been wanting more of a relationship with us. i mainly feel guilty for not trying hard enough, for also being an adult and choosing to not pursue a relationship with him on more than a phone call at christmas for my dad’s benefit. i feel guilty for spending a lot of my time cursing him while he was alive and then feeling i had the right to grieve someone i did not know. i feel guilty that i did not know him. i feel angry for feeling like i’m making his death about me. i feel angry that my dad has refused to process any emotion regarding this. i feel angry that he knew what was happening to him and he didn’t try to reach out. i feel angry for not properly processing this ever and just burying it deep with every other fucking thing. 

for me it’s worse that i didn’t know him, what am i mourning? who am i mourning? i feel like i’m mourning the potential of a relationship. he was complicated, i am complicated, and i hate that this has messed me up to this extent. i hate that i never talk about it because i hate bringing people down or feeling like my shit is all i ever talk about. i hate how heavy this has made me feel. i hate how i’m making this about me. i don’t think this is something i will ever be over and i hate that. i have lost people, death is nothing knew to me. but this, this just came along and added to the pile of things i have allowed to destroy me. 

my reaction to what happened to grosjean yesterday was exactly how i reacted to my uncle dying and it colliding with his anniversary just tipped me over the edge. today is a shitty and difficult day and i hate that i’ve been mad at my dad on this day and i hate that i don’t give myself a break and i hate how much this all is making me hate myself. 

[langernameohnebedeutung]

(Nazi mention tw) Since you answered my question about Magneto’s accent before, I now ask: Does Magneto have citizenship in any nation? Fansites say he has German citizenship, which I don’t think is right—he would have had to actively reapply for citizenship after the defeat of the Nazis. I think Trial of Magneto mentions that he has no citizenship anywhere, though I’m not sure if that is legally true. I think at some point it’s definitively stated that he’s not an Israeli citizen either (1/2)

 (2/2) I presume he had Genoshan citizenship back when there was a Genoshan nation, and that he has Krakoan citizenship now. But other than those, has he been stated to have citizenship anywhere? Would he be likely to have any citizenship?

Uuh, that’s a really interesting question. I also kinda stumbled over his citizenship being stated as German in the wiki a few times, but personally I think they just put Germany in because he was born there. Plus listing all the countries he lived in at this point would be a lot of work lol.

On theother hand he is referred to as German occasionally – for example by Iron Manin Axis-

- but I think that’s just low-hanging fruit for a punchline (tony shut up challenge) and doesn’t really reflect anything. (Although I did check Not A Hero because I remembered we see a glimpse there of the exact description of Mags that Iron Man has in his computer system because I was curious about the nationality there but there is none given.)

But thereare various aspects to nationality – for one, where a person feels athome and how they identify. And especially for someone like Mags who doesn’t care much for laws in the first place, those are probably more important than any “legal” aspects. Personally, I think Mags is more defined by his history as an immigrant or refugee than by any national identity – and when he does exhibit any particular enthusiasm for any country, it’s usually countries with the idea of immigration as their defining traits. Genosha, Israel, America, Krakoa – and his disappointment when one of these countries doesn’t live up to the idea.

As for the legal aspect of things- which citizenship he holds – I personally think it’s very likely that he doesn’t have any ‘official’ citizenship at this point, because he would probably refuse to be defined by one slip of paper and on the other hand, I don’t think any nation is particularly eager to lay a claim to one of the most famous terrorists in the world.

Looking at what we know: Max was born in the Weimarer Republik, not so long before the NS-Regime came into power. According to Magneto: Testament, his father was Jewish and he fought in WW1. While antisemitism was rampant in the Weimarer Republik (obviously), Jewish people had the same legal rights as everyone else and at birth, he would have been considered German.

After the Nazis came into power, the first group of Jewish people which were stripped of their citizenship in 1933 were so-called “Ostjuden”, “East-Jews” from Eastern Europe who had been granted German citizenship after the end of WW1.

Later on, refugees were targeted. I work with Gestapo files for my job and we often encounter emigration files of Jewish people – I just held one in my hands the other day, and all legal formalities aside, the Gestapo straight up, more or less verbatim, writes in these files: “We have evidence that Jew XY (yeah, they put “Jew” in front of their names like that) has left the country. They can therefore be considered an emigrant. It is to be investigated whether they left wealth of more than 5000 RM in Germany.” 

If the person or family left behind wealth of more than 5000 RM, they were stripped of their citizenship and their possessions were put up for auction. Mind you, the official law that stripped Jewish people who “changed their usual place of residence” of their citizenship officially came into power on the 25.11.1941 - but the entries I found in the Gestapo and Sondergerichts files about the earlier-mentioned practices date back to…I think 1937 or 1938 (I still have one of the file numbers in my notebook I could even look it up), the major difference being the >5000 RM limit earlier. But as of the 18th of October 1941, Jewish people were officially forbidden from emigrating, because deportation was considered a more efficient way to access their money.

Obviously we can’t know how much money Max’ family had exactly (we know they’re middle class, his father being a civil servant and probably also receives some pensions as a veteran), but considering that physical property and real estate were also sold in these auctions and that they fled Germany in 1939, it’s not unlikely that according to NS-law, he was stripped of his German citizenship then already. If he didn’t, he must officially have lost in 1941 because he was nolonger living in Germany. As of 25.4.1943, all Jewish people and people considered “Half-Jews” as well as Romani people were ultimately stripped oftheir German citizenship. So he must have lost his German citizenship between 1939-1943, although I’d argue it’s more likely to have happened between 1939and 18th of October 1941. I think we could even narrow it down further, since they seemed to have barely arrived in Poland when his father’s friendtells them that the Germans invaded Poland, but honestly, that’s hardly therelevant point here.

Another important aspect is that the Nazis often “confiscated” the papers of the prisoners of their camps. After the war, many German Holocaust survivors who returned to “Germany” (or whatever else to call that entity until the foundingof East and West Germany), had a hard time proving that they were in fact German. While some were lucky and still had papers or there were enough people around their home towns who would admit they knew them, others had great problems getting their own property back or to get their compensation money or just their identity back. 

I work with an organisation that works with Holocaust survivors and one of them told us that when he returned, he almost didn’t get his home back (it had been turned into an NSDAP-house) and that the same mayor who had his parents and his siblings imprisoned to get his hands on said house was still in power. And would later become a member of the Bundestag, the German parliament.  Without a federal government in place and even the tribunals that were responsible for taking care of the victims of the fascist regime corroded by former Nazis and ideological infighting, the survivors were still facing discrimination. Especially since the rest of the population basically refused to address these issues. It’s also noteworthy that Romani people were still subject to a different legal status after the war and that explicit legal discrimination continued well into the 1990s and early 2000s. So for many reasons, getting your citizenship back wasn’t usually a walk in the park - especially if you have a Romani friend with you and escaped before the war even officially ended. It would have been risky as hell for them to go back home. And even if Germany had magically turned into a model democracy, it was still a place of horrible memories for both him and Magda and they had nothing there anymore and no one waiting for them.

So ok, what does that mean? We know Max and Magda escaped Auschwitz together and went to live in the Carpathians and eventually had Anya and Max/Erik got his first false identity. Which…is a thing he does a lot so the question is… whether that counts as an official citizenship? If yes, he had Ukrainian papers at some point. In the end, it’s a question of self-determination, really but the papers were still fake.

Then the unthinkable happened, Anya died, Magda ran and Max/Erik was on his own again and went to Israel as Erik Magnus. Now, it’s still another new name, but there’s nothing saying he didn’t adopt it in official papers and got anofficial citizenship. That would make him at this point either Israeli or Israeli-Ukrainian. I would actually argue the former is more likely, because he was working for the Mossad (which probably means he had real papers as an Israeli) and the CIA - which would probably have had a hard time trusting a Soviet.  

As for Genosha and Krakoa…I mean, you could definitely argue that he was automatically a citizen of Genosha because it was “his” country. The question is…would did he consider himself a “Genoshan”? because…personally I think the nature of the country as a home for mutants would have been much more relevant to him than any questions of national identity. Especially if you compare it with Krakoa, you notice the different treatment of concepts of language and culture in Krakoa – which has its own language and writing (which is imprinted in your brain CAN WE PLEASE REVISIT THAT?? I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS) and generally seems to have a much stronger focus on the creation of a Krakoan identity. 

So where does that leave us? I don’t think he ever went to claim his German citizenship again. He legally could and even emigrated people who never returned again are usually considered German-(Whatever nationality they adopted)(but not just “German” like his Wiki entry does).  I assume he became Israeli at some point, especially since he worked for the Mossad (I don’t think they would have been very impressed with fake papers). I don’t think he ever said he was ‘Genoshan’ as an integral part of his cultural identity – I think it was first and foremost the community he was tied to, the people, the idea of his new Genosha, but honestly, I don’t know any textual evidence on that and there are many aspects from his rule over Genosha that I have a conflicted relationship with writing-wise. As I said, Krakoa is a different house number but again, I think even with its own language and everything, that Mags’ reasoning is less “I am Krakoan” and more “Mutants are Krakoan and I am a mutant.”

Generally, I don’t think Mags ever really thinks in terms of “national identity”. Being Jewish, being a mutant, being an immigrant, being a survivor, living the life he does, doing what he does – I think all those things rank much higher in his sense of self than national identity ever could - and even if it did, I don’t think he would care much about a ‘legal’ status anywhere. But I think it’s important to keep in mind that he grew up in a state that used national identity as a means of controlling and brainwashing its citizens – at the expense of people like him. Growing up, national identity was an exclusionary experience for him rather than an inclusive one - one that he never wanted to be part of. 

For him, discrimination was the key relationship he had with national identity and even after the war, he gets false papers and changes his name to be with the woman he loves. And later he changes his name again and goes to Israel and works in a hospital to help other survivors. Just like he didn’t have any problems becoming Charles’ cousin. He just moves on. He took over Genosha to help mutants and the same ambition brought him to Krakoa. And at the same time he’s always willing to change his location for the people he loves. So personally I think that these values rank much higher for him than national identity and generally, I think for him the communities he does consider himself part of are usually ones of shared experiences while for example while his time in Ukraine or Germany were defined by exclusion. For the same reason I think that for Mags, cultural transfer - of language, customs, food and other cultural aspects - would usually remind him of the people he lived with in the respective countries rather than an ambition to assimilate or be “(nation)-ian”. Especially since Mags isn’t the type to seek comfort in the collective.

[valiantlychaoticbarbarian]

HAPPY PRIDE Y'ALL!

Have I told y'all story of how I accidentally not come out but more hinted that I'm bi to my parents?

Because that shit's funny as hell

Okay so I did it a lot of times but my two favourites are the one from probably 3 years ago to my mom and 2 years ago to my father (and my whole family tbh)

The first one, it was summer and I was talking with my mom about something and being lazy bitch I am I was complaining about school and how I hate studying there. Sooo she told me that I have to work hard because one day I'll get married to a man and I should not be financially dependent on my husband. So being dumbass I was (honestly I still am) I blurted "AND WHAT IF I'LL HAVE A WIFE"

Remember, both of my parents are Catholics AND Republicans. Full "I have gay, black, Jewish, Muslim *insert other minority here* friend BUT THOSE OTHER *insert those minorities* ARE DaNgErOuS AND WILL DESTROY OUR SOCIETY"

And so she's looking at me for a split second I see terror in her eye that she might not have a grandchildren. But then she said that it doesn't matter because I still have to study hard, get a good job and financial independent.

I don't think she knows, she's probably still in denial that her daughter might not be straight but when she said that it kinda made me feel good.

And the second one, I love it. So me and my dad, we don't have that good relationship. I'm full feminist, gay right activist, centro-leftie (remember I'm from Poland and our left side fucking sucks the same as right side) (GŁOSUJCIE NA WIOSNĘ) So back to the story, we are eating breakfast and he's on full "when will you find a boyfriend and then a husband Maya" mood, kinda joking kinda not really and me being done with this heterosexual bullshit look straight into his eye and say "and what if I'll have a girlfriend and then wife. I don't know who I'll fall in love with"

He literally stopped. I think he might give him a small heart attack because for the whole minute he was looking at me suddenly all serious and said that I shouldn't even joke about it.

And so I just left the room and my whole family questioning my sexuality instead of eating breakfast.

[jean-and-ali-liveblogs]

Ali, I know it's not comfortable to talk about homophobia, so you don't have to, but I was wondering if there was a time when you were ever worried to say to your family or to friends like jean that you are a lesbian? do you think things are better in Poland for LGBT than in countries like America?

(You asked easy question and I went of and just rambled about stuff, sorry. You can kinda skip the start of it and start reading from “I did go to one Pride parade once“ to get a feeling for how it feels in Poland)

Ali: I can’t really talk about Poland overall,  because I had a lot of luck, I think. I already talked about that in one post during CYM liveblog 

https://jean-and-ali-liveblogs.tumblr.com/post/182872527674/ali-ughgh-but-you-could-maybe-just-maybe-just

So, adding to that, I don’t really want to say “Poland is great for LGBT!”, because I can’t really know for everybody. I was lucky enough to find myself in environment that was supporting of me, but I am sure there are people who didn’t have that luck, and I don’t want to predend there aren’t people who suffered, that just seems ignorant and offensive. In the end I think it’s a mixed bag. There will be always people who won’t care what or who you are, there will be always people who will hate you for who you are. 

As to Jean, uh, what went down with him many many years ago was a bit complicated. The way he found out I am gay, well, it was a long and complicated and messed up story in which everybody involved got hurt. We were 14yo and we didn’t know what we were doing and I, ugh, I kinda cheated on him with a girl. And I am kinda putting myself in a really bad light here, summarizing it like that, but well, I did fuck up back then! And you know how now Jean is like “Connie and Steven should stay as friends, falling in love with your friend always ends really badly”? I kinda think that’s my fault. Still, after half a year in which our friendship was completely obliterated by us, we worked things out and apologized and forgived each other. This days we just laugh about all the idiocy we cominted when being teenagers. And Jean is friends with that girl too. She is not with me anymore, she now lives with her kinda wife and they are raising kid together. Also, that whole tragedy taught me how important communication in any kind of relationship is! That one day when we sat down with Jean in coffee shop and spent five hours rehashing everything I did wrong and he did wrong and what to do to never have it happen again is one of my most cherished memories. 

As to my parents, I was worried, I was worried a lot. I didn’t really have any reasons to be though. My mom just figured out stuff on her own, and asked me if I am gay, so I told her then. It changed nothing. Oh well, it changed one thing, now she had another thing to fret about over me! Whenever I was going out somewhere with my girlfriend, my mom would be always like “Be careful, don’t hold hands outside, people can be mean to you”. I always found that heartwarming,because it wasn’t “Don’t show who you are, because it’s shameful and what people will say?”, it was “Don’t show who you are, because I am worried you will get hurt by people who don’t understand”.

To my dad I came out by myself, but that was rather ridiculous discussion of me asking “So, dad, did you know that girl who used to visit us was my girlfriend?”

“Yes”

“Oh. Um. Cool!”

The end. 

I do think he was somehow umcofortable with that. But never made me feel bad about it. And I honestly don’t even know if he was actually umcofortable about the gay part or just “I don’t know how to talk about love with my daughter”, because he was never too good with emotions. 

I did go to one Pride parade once in my life, when I was in high school. Totally by accident. I was just in city center and there was a parade getting ready to start - which I had no idea was planned. I was just going to ignore it, but it turned out my classmates were there so I “marched” with them, more for the sake of hanging out with them rather than for the sake of parade itself. It was curious experience. On one hand we passed a lot of people who set themselves with banners saying “Homosexuality is evil”, “You are dirty” etc., on our way. On the other hand, when we were passing apartaments people were waving and smiling at us from windows, and some old ladies threw flowers all over us from balcony. So, like I said, “mixed bag”. 

When I went to Uni, I didn’t really plan to come out to anybody. But it all kinda happened by itself? One girl asked me if I am lesbian, so I didn’t see a reason to lie. She was like “YAY, I KNEW IT!” and I was jealous because I can never tell just by how somebody looks like. And since I am studying psychology, homesexuality is talked about by professors rather regularly. 

In fact, there were three situations that really stayed with me. 

One was when our lady professor derailed her own lecture for 15 minutes to tell us about her “dream wife”. She would need  to know how to cook! Because our poor professor doesn’t know how to cook. And she would love to have a breakfast served to bed by a beautiful and loving woman. 

Other one was when our genetics professor spent half a hour preaching about a “homesexuality gene” . He was really passionate about it. “We should not predend we are all the same! We are born as white or black or straight or gay or woman or man and we are all different and it’s beautiful! Why do we get so hang up over that? It would suck so much if everybody was the same. How boring that would be!”

And the last one was during a practical exercises about communication. Our taks was to “think of something somebody did to you, but you never told them about it and compose a speech you would give them to tell them how you felt about it” . 99% of the group just spoke about things other people did that hurt them. Things  they were never assertive enough to admit to those people. But one girl stood up, looked at another girl in the group and went “You are always there for me, and I appreciate you being in my life. I don’t know what I would do without you. All those ways you help me through the life are worth more than anything else. When I wake up by your side in the morning, there is no greater feeling in the world. I love you and I don’t tell you that often enough”. And everybody started clapping and professor had the biggest dumbest grin on her face. 

I think that’s just something about studying psychology. We all are there to learn that it’s normal. Even small things, when we are on lecture about family and professor corrects himself “So, when a woman finds a husband then… or a wife, of course, then blah blah”

Well, I guess all that actually paints quite positive approach of Poland towards LGBT stuff. But I still don’t find myself being comfortable to talk about the whole country. In the end we are a “religious” country. It’s just that there are some places, towns, universities, school etc. that are more open minded than others. Like everywhere else. 

Bad stuff happens too. Few months ago there was this thing, it was called “Rainbow day”, I think? No, it was “Rainbow Friday”. All schools all over the country were supposed to come together and spend one whole day teaching about acceptance, diversity and tolerance. And it did work in some towns and places. In others parents protested or schools backed out at the last minute. There was even a group of people who threatened to attack or raid schools that would take part in it. 

People seem to feel safe overall though. Every day when I go outside I see at least one woman or man caring shopping bag with rainbow colors. I know of at least one queer coffee shop in the city center and I know for a fact there is more. I regularly see that one person - who has body of a man and the most amazing, well-kept, beard I have ever seen - walking around in the stunning dress and high heels and not even once I saw anybody react to them in any negative way. The one time I actually saw somebody approach them was when some lady really wanted to know where they got those boots. I remember when I was still working in shop, a client, a boy had painted nails and it was so pretty purple color, so I had to compliment him, but I drawn attention to him and some kid went “Mom, look! This boy has so pretty nails! Can I ask him where he bought the nail polish?” and the mom was totally unfazed, just smiled and let her kid ask.

So, yea, I think it’s that, even though government itself may be a bit shitty when it comes to dealing with all this, most of the people you can meet on streets are pretty awesome. 

[lizuouou]

1:17am

jan/18/21

NewYork NY

Today was interesting. I caught myself off guard by realizing how easily a person can get influenced by another. My cousin and I have been discussing family a lot and it feels guilty because there’s so many mistakes, mess and drama. I feel like I definitely over spilled the beans. I need to learn how to stay civil like this is not the best, I know this because it didn’t feel the best but also that my mom sent me a long paragraph explaining how I need to be mature enough to see a world through my win lens and not always be influenced by others, even if they have more votes, my opinion should be entitled to myself and not bias. Bias is a bitch.

I read about Poland springs and how the water they promise us from the springs of Maine doesn’t even have “a drop of fresh water” and Nestle got a lawsuit worth $5millll like bro serves you right we out here drinking tap water lmaooo are we kidding ourselves? Is it really false advertising? Because the last I remember ain’t nobody getting an entire carton of water for like $4? And the plastic, manufacturing, transport, and resources used to get the water itself probably costs so much more. And we’re being promised fresh water from the springs. But why would they give out fresh water from the springs? Who even are we kidding. Isnt water supposed to be worth much more? I thought there’s a war that’s going to happen on water. Shit’s precious!!!

Either ways, I was so bored that right after I actually opened Omegle. No not for any perverted business but because I just wanted to talk to someone. Anyways I came across an 8 year old who told me her boyfriend probably cheated on her and when I asked what? She said yeah haven’t spoken to him in 2 years. I had to control my laughter so hard and I just said “well if you haven’t talked to him in 2 years chances are he probably talked to someone else.” And now as I write this I realized damn, I just gave a little girl advice way too much for her maybe. She dipped faster than a wizard, b knows Whatsup, confrontational issues and shihhh. Then I came across this 19 year old girl from West Virginia who told me her parents left her with her grandmother along with her two younger siblings. They’re drug addicts. I felt kind of really bad because when I confessed I’m glad I saw her face and not a 40y/o’s dick she laughed and said “I just wanted to talk” and I felt that. We both reached out for our puff bars and simultaneously took turns to spill. She told me her dad doesn’t give a shit. We were so chill, no omg I’m sorry to hear that shit. Because let’s be real, you don’t need to be sorry. This is my life, if anything I just want God to feel sorry. Sorry as in, I’m sorry you is sad :( here are your dreams and goals in your hands ta-da. I wish. I felt bad for the girl, the internet kept twitching so I just closed the tab. An 8 y/o and a 18 y/o girl I’ll never speak to again. She told me so much about herself but we never told each other our names. Just our pain? Her boyfriend was a scum bag. Ex boyfriend. Well, I kept silent because I felt like she was being really open. I will never talk to her again. Feels so weird?

That is our generations summary of emotional connection. Short. Like all the fkn boys in my school in FPS like fam just grow up literally lmao jk. Am I? Nah. Anyways I also ditched a friend so brutally I feel bad. They booked an air bnb in front of Central Park and got food and zaza and everything but I chose to meet my best friend his mom and sister, he knew I’m no way interested in him at all. He’s actually always been this genuine. Man’s took the biggest L for us. While Yaldram, rhyme and i walked to his place, he took out a joint and lit it up. Mind it, ain’t legal. A cop literally took a u turn and Yaldram passed it to him cause he was shutting his pants and this dude said yeah give it to me nothings going to happen. BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED.

the cop showed up and asked if that’s weed and rhyme said yes. Holy shit at this point he stretched his arm out and asked for it again and he said no it’s just weed bro, then he reached out called 4 other cop cars by pressing a button (for backup) and I finally said “just listen to him man”. It was embarrassing, people walking past kept looking. Anyways he took all the blame, honestly I just took one puff and was not onboard with the idea to begin with, not even 3 minutes ago I was reminding them how that’s illegal.

He got a ticket, and then I met Yaldram’s mom for the first time and I think I made it so weird because of all what had just happened, was so anxious but whatever. Met his sister and will meet her again tomorrow even though he won’t be there. That makes me happy. I’m welcomed.

However, it was 11:35 pm and I really had to leave cause metro closes at 12am and I realized now it’s too late to go to the air bnb. I didn’t go for two reasons. 1) it’s an airbnb with one guy and stoned? Yeah kinda not the best situation to put myself in. 2) 1

But I felt really bad, this guy rhyme said nothing. He went full MIA for more than a year and doesn’t speak to anyone and didn’t even get back on social media but reached out to me and met me and actually did all this and at the end said bro it’s no worries I’ll drop you, paid for my metro djdnt even let me Venmo (or give me his # or Venmo) only contacts on insta. I didn’t tell anyone I met him because I have to respect his privacy. I apologized a few hours ago because lastnight I said sorry and just that sorry about the food. Because he ordered food there already. But in the morning he told me that I’m a gem of a person and don’t realize that. Like why are you being so nice to me? I can suspect he has a soft spot for me and I have made boundaries and this friendship completely platonic the moment it happened. And he then told me remember the first time we met? ( I didn’t )

It was 2 years ago at a party where I was crying talking to my ex after 2 years of the break up. And this guy randomly walks upto me asks me if I’m okay and gives me water. Mind you no one in a party gives a fuck. Especially that party. And especially my tears against his. It was politically warm? I don’t even know. So that guy who saw me then, came to surprise me on my 21st birthday from NY with the goodies (so illegal) and then ended up meeting my other ex and Yaldram him and I roamed around Boston. It was fun because of my friends. And I was fkn stoned. But yeah and then he looked at me yesterday at the metro and laughed saying “you’ve grown beautifully” I get ceeped out super fast but with this dude I dont. Everhone (including me) thought he’s bi or gay because every time there’s a good looking man he’d say “wow he’s beautiful” but he’s straight he said and also I realized maybe he just speaks his mind. He asked me of the rumors I heard and I told him it was 1) stealing 2) gay and he was like who tf said I’m gay bro, and then he said the guy in front was cute, and then he said “that’s so gay” and laughed. So see? This is a very unusual man. But I had to be home regardless because a) arham b) 12:35am was a perfect time to be home. I don’t like staying out too late anymore? It feels weird. Unsafe perhaps.

However I apologized properly finally. Explaining myself. Saying that I get defensive when I’m high and that the metro closes at 12am but even though the original plan was Yaldram him and I meeting at the place he booked but Yaldram couldn’t show up so I made us go to him instead and we used the time up in getting him his first ticket and in letting me meet my friend before he goes.

I will never forget this man, he told me two of his best friends died that’s why he’d never want his friends to be in any type of trouble. And you know what’s weird about it all? He literally took all the blame in a heart beat with a calm smiley face and I know he’s the one who’s the real gem because not once did he complain or remove that smile off of his face. There was also supposed to be a surprise there but I won’t know anymore. I didn’t ask either.

Writing this made me realize, I want to live harder. I want to be a gem ( no tickets ) but I want to be a gem in my own eye where I can adore myself and allow others to too, and adore them back. Oh and there was also a drunk girl after the whole popo incident who was so sus she acted drunk and said I look like Ariana grande “petit, long hair, big eyes, trust me girl you’re good” and in my head I thought yikes these are the beauty standards in her head which are normalized and thst made me realize oh no she thinks she isn’t good enough does she? Well I hope she does. But also she was sus just weird, walked with us for so long then disappeared then 14 minutes later found myself again running into her at a grocery store by his house?? And she acted as if she never saw me before so I was like oh...

Anyways it’s 1:54 am and I’m glad I wrote today. I’m glad for today, today I was a little less sadder. Particularly because I complained less, tomorrow I’ll try harder.

The end

1:55am

[perlumi-delirium]

Through the eyes of others we dream

Rusliet Secret Santa for @probably--somebody !! :D (sorry for being a bit late, I took longer than excpected to proofread the fic ><)

I got kinda carried away with the fic I wanted to write ^^’ It proved to be an interesting challenge, since it has been a long time since I last wrote Hetalia fanfiction, and even then, it was so Lithuania and Russia centered that I had barely written the pov of another character. I tried to give the fic a cheerful edge that is mostly lacking in my other fics, and I hope you will like it !! Please forgive the messiness of the writing, and I’m sorry for the mistakes I left, I have trouble catching them all ^^’ I hope you will like it <3

Hungary hugs Poland as he walks into the meeting room. She smells of flowers and firewood, and her hand is calloused as she runs it along Poland's cheek, her eyes searching for signs of weariness.

« How are you ? »

Her voice is soft but strong, and Poland is happy to know that he no longer has to lie to her. They all spent decades lying to each other, and now, finally, he can answer truthfully.

« I'm fine ! » He smiles and really, he is fine. Better than he has felt in centuries, probably. Hungary's eyes narrow, wondering if she should trust him, but he must look decently cheerful, because she soon beams, and only tightens the hug.

« How are you ? » Poland then asks, his fingers smoothing over the back of her suit. It is strange, he thinks, that Hungary smells like home to him. (A lot of them do, though he won't admit it easily. But it happens, when you share centuries after centuries with the same people.)

She offers him a sincere smile, and lets out a small laugh. « As great as I can be when I got woken up at three in the morning by Prussia trying to sneak into the house to play a prank on Austria ! »

Poland raises a brow, barely containing the bubble of laugh that blooms in his throat. « May I ask why he decided it was a good idea ? »

Hungary rolls her eyes, her voice dramatically loud as she exclaims. « As if I know ! But I think Franc is no stranger to this -Germany told me he had been over at his house for a few days. Surely they schemed up a prank together. »

At Hungary's tone, a few countries turned their attention towards the two of them, and Poland struggles not to start laughing. He feels Spain's eyes on them, and Veneziano's too.

A quick glance at his watch tells him the meeting is about to start. Oh well -he still has the time to ask Hungary one last question :

« How did Austria react ? »

At this, Hungary sighs. « He slept like a baby the whole night. Nothing woke him up -not even when Prussia lost his balance and crashed right into the cupboard. And I assure you that the pans crashing on the ground made a furious noise. »

Poland almost whistles, not knowing if he should admire Austria for not letting anything or anyone trouble his sleep, or cringe because no one but a fool lets his guard so down at night. (But then again, times have changed. For the better, probably, and Poland sleeps better at night too.)

« Oh my, it seems Prussia really overdid himself this time. » France chuckles, and Hungary playfully smacks his shoulder.

« Say you didn't have a part in this, I dare you ! »

France shoots her a bright smile, and winks at Poland who starts thinking he might combust if he has to keep from laughing any longer. He discreetly puts a hand over his mouth to hide his smile as he watches France lie through his teeth. His barely contained laughter has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that France called him just the day before to exchange some gossips and chat a bit -call during which France had made clear what Prussia's intentions for the night were. No, absolutely not.

Things truly have changed, Poland thinks.

Gone are the times where they would fight relentlessly -even though their actions didn't matter, because no matter what, they weren't the one who made History. Their people did.

Now they have meetings and mock fights and harmless pranks. (They all vividly remember a not too ancient April Fools...)

It is a strange thought, but not an unwelcome one. They are all way more lively since they dropped the act.

Poland finds his place at the meeting table and sits down -the seat right next to him is still empty ; it is rare, because Lithuania often arrives early. Poland takes out his phone, to see if his friend left him a message, but no. He does have a few notifications from game apps, though. A quick glance at the room tells him he shouldn't worry, and he opens an app. The meeting isn't going to start anytime soon, anyway. Not with half the people missing and the ones who are there obviously engrossed in something else entirely.

From the corner of his eye, Poland notices France and Hungary still talking, though their friendly tone indicates that they probably dropped the argument to have a chat instead. Farther, England is leaning against a wall, looking as sour as always. Ah, well, not really actually. His frown seems to be at least a little less pronounced. Well, not too surprising given that Veneziano is currently greeting him. It's difficult to look too angry when Veneziano is around. Poland chuckles and takes a picture, immediately sending it to America. -Okay, it's not like England is smiling, but like, this is probably the most relaxed they are going to see him for months to come, and America will definitely like the picture :England's eyebrows look super off, like torn between the perpetual frown and a more relaxed expression.

The only ones seated except Poland are, without any surprise, Germany and Austria. Germany sits straight in his chair, awkwardly looking around the room, clearly not daring to raise his voice just yet. As for Austria, he has closed his eyes, and his fingers drums absently against the wood of the table, not in a idle way but like he was playing the piano.

Poland smiles then takes another picture. Behind his serious looks, Austria is easily distracted.

In the midst of the carefree chatter, Poland notices two persons walking into the room, and he perks up. Liet is here !

He almost waves, but with Lithuania is Russia, and Poland feels himself shy away. From where he is, he can't clearly see Lithuania's features, but he can tell he is tense. Russia and him walk machinely, not talking to each other -they're not even looking at each other, Poland notices as they come closer. On the contrary, they purposefuly avert their eyes. It is only when Lithuania goes to greet Germany, and probably excuses himself for his tardiness, that Russia looks up. Even from the distance, Poland feels his longing for Lithuania, and honestly, what the hell is going on with these two ?

A hand clasps firmly over his shoulder, and Poland would have squeaked in surprise had he not recognized France's perfume.

« Trouble in paradise ? »

France's voice is teasing, but there is a careful edge to it. Poland pulls a face. « I have no clue what's happening. »

A thoughtful hum tells him France has no more answer than him. Of course he was the first one to take notice of the strange atmosphere between Lithuania and Russia. Poland manges to smile through the worry that begin to gnaw at his insides.

« I see you're still quick to notice that kind of thing. »

France winks at him, sounding very pleased with himself. « Of course, mon cher ! Love is my speciality ; my capital isn't nicknamed the city of love for nothing ! It is only natural that I am quick to notice such troubles. »

Poland snorts, and he bites his cheek to resist criticizing Paris, just to annoy France -mind you, the ctiy is beautiful, but France always looks so offended when one mentions the dubious property of certain districts, or the grey weather, that it is never not funny to let out a comment.

For once though, he doesn't give in to his want to playfully mock his friend.

« Yeah, well, just noticing it isn't going to help » Poland sighs. « What we need is to resolve whatever mess they put themselves in. I don't like to see Liet troubled. »

France merely nods. He takes the seat to Poland's right side, and runs his hand through his hair, silently searching for something to say.

Poland glances towards Russia : he is talking to Ukraine, but his eyes wander off to Lithuania from time to time. Poland doubts Lithuania is so taken by his conversation with Germany he hasn't noticed Russia's attitude. So Liet is deliberately ignoring him. Great. Now he definitely looks forward dealing with the whole thing.

France pats him on the shoulder.

« Well, it does seem like the lovebirds are experiencing a little cold in their relationship. »

« Yeah, and no one but them knows why, so helping them is going to be exceedingly diffiuclt and annoying and I don't want to deal with that. » Poland groans as he rests his cheek against the table. He loves Liet, and he trust his friend in his relationships choices, but love troubles are something he prefers to avoid. Seriously, it is way funnier to watch it in like, a TV show, than to deal with it in the reality. If Liet is actually angry at Russia for whatever reason, Poland hopes that he won't isolate himself like he tends to, and shrugs his friends off while saying that's everything is a-okay.

« Liet's usual way of dealing with problems suck. » Poland mutters under his breath. Now he feels a headache coming, and it's not helped by the constant noise around him.

Meeting, what meeting ? He should have stayed in bed this morning. He could have had another cup of tea, taken more time to bathe, and peacefully played the piano instead of having all this noise as backgroung music.

« I think, » France says after some time (god, they truly have all forgotten about the meeting right.) « that the situation is not as hopeless as it is. »

Poland wants to argue that he never said anything about the situation being hopeless, but he lets France to his romantic phrasing. With him, a tricky situation becomes a moutain to overcome, and a water drop an ocean. Though he had some time to get used to it, Poland still snickers at his use of some expressions. Because who except France would dramatically speak about a hopeless situation that can only be overcome by the memory of first love...

Wait. That is really what France is saying right now. Poland blinks and looks at him like he might have gone mad.

« First love », he repeats, slightly aghast. France nods and sighs dreamily.

« Yes, first love ! Their relationship probably lacks the youthful fire it used to have -we just have to remind them of how beautiful it was, to enter this relationship ! How every kiss felt as fresh as new, how every touch sent a shiver down their spine- »

Poland reflectively clasps a hand over France's mouth. If he wants to be perfectly honest, he doesn't know what he wants at this precise moment, but it is certainely not France spewing poetry about his best friend and his lover. That, and he definitely doesn't want France's speech to attract attention.

« Are you talking about love ? »

Aaaand check. Hungary smiles brightly, Japan to her side. Both of them overheard the conversation and want in. Hungary is alreay giggling, ready to give as much advice as the situation needs, while the so quiet Japan discreetly fumbles with a notebook, ready to take notes about whatever gossip they may share.

« Huh » Poland eloquently says. Hungary sits on the table, right between France and Poland -Japan stands still, completing their small circle.

Now we definitely don't look suspicious at all, Poland dryly thinks. America must not have arrived yet, or else he would have yelled « conspiracy !! » at them.

« Yes, we were indeed talking about love » France hums. « It seems Lithuania and Russia are currently experiencing some love troubles, so Poland and I took it upon us to discuss the situation to find solutions. »

How can France make it sounds so altruistic ? If anything, they're prying into their friends' love life. But Hungary doesn't seem bothered by the idea of meddling into the issue, and gives France a thumbs up for his initiative.

Great, there's no escaping this now. Poland nervously looks around, hoping they won't attract anymore attention. Fortunately Lithuania doesn't seem to have noticed them yet.

« I see, it's a good idea ! If we can get them to remember their fondest memories they'll definitely be more enclined to hear each other out ! »

« Yes ! That is why I think we need to set up things a bit : we should try to get them to reenact the moment they got together. Ah, well, I mean, it can and should be subtle, of course ! But if we put enough details to remind them of the day they confessed...

-they might feel as they did back then ! That's a great idea ! »

There's no hope left for France and Hungary, they've arrived to the point they finish each other's sentences. Japan still hasn't said a word, but he dutifully writes down everything in his notebook. Poland is sure he has started doodling... what ? Sketches of what the scene will look like ?

« And this is where we need you, Poland ! » Hungary says. Why the hell did he ever want to be involved in this mess already ? Ah, yes, for Liet. Do it for Liet.

« I'm not sure I follow » he stutters.

This is getting way too complicated for his tastes, and honestly he'd rather just ask Liet what the problem is instead of making vain speculations.

« Pologne ! » France takes Poland's hand into his own. « Sois un amour, tell us how Lithuania and Russia got together. We need it for the plan. »

Oh no. Never. He's never solding his best friend's secrets in such a vile way.

« It's a no, » he grumbles, before a thought comes to his mind. Wait a minute... He sends a panicked look to the others.

« Liet never told me how his relationship with Russia started. »

The answer causes an uproar : France and Hungary look at each other in disbelief, while Japan mutters « what a plot twist » under his breath. The pained exclamations of France and Hungary, who admittedly are not the quietest conspiracy masterminds, attract some more nations. Latvia, Estonia and Ukraine soon come closer, all curious to see what the ruckus is about.

So they're really doing it huh. Discussing their friend's love life when they stand a few meters from them. Great. (Okay, the part of Poland that loves gossips is currently pleased, but he feel like he should disagree with everything that is going to be said for the principle.)

« Well, if Poland of all people don't know how they got together, this is going to be difficult... »

That was Estonia's voice. Next to him, Latvia nods wisely, before adding : « Or maybe we could guess how exactly they got together ? I mean, we've known them for centuries now, it shouldn't be impossible... Like, who confessed to who would be a good start ? »

« Ten euros betting on Lithuania » France immediately says, slamming his hand on the table to mark his point.

« Seconded » Estonia nods.

Ukraine shakes her head.

« I think Russia was the one who made it clear he had feelings first. » When she notices all the looks are on her, she explains. « I mean, Russia has never been too great at hiding his feelings for too long, I'm sure he made the first step... »

« She has a point ! » Hungary agrees. Then, just to spite France, she slams her hand on the table too. « Twenty euros on Russia. »

Poland lets out a sigh. The whole situation is pretty baffling. He definitely hadn't planned he'd be betting on his best friend's love life while getting up this morning, that's for sure. He glances at Japan, who still hasn't said a thing about everything, and hopes he will calm the game and calls the bet off. Unfortunately, when Japan finally decides to speak up, it is only to agree with the others.

« If you want I can make a list of who is betting on what. »

The idea is met with applause, and Poland groans. Okay, if they're really going down this road, then he wants in. There's no getting out of this, so he might as well enjoy the situation as long as he can.

« I'm sure Liet was the one who confessed. Maybe Russia made it clear he was interested before, but I think the one who started their relationship was Liet. He's definitely the type to take lead in this kind of situation. »

Silence falls for a few moments after Poland's intervention, everyone pondering what has just been said. Both parties have a point. Suddenly Estonia gasps :

« But what if they confessed at the exact same time ? »

Latvia pats him on the shoulder, shaking his head. « Yeah well it's too complicated so we're letting that option aside. »

« Now now », France singsongs. « What is important is to determine how it happened. What season ? Where exactly ? How long had they been longing for each other ? »

« I bet it was something really romantic » Estonia says. « Russia is a bit scary sometimes, but at heart he is a big softie... mostly. »

« I think it wouldn't be too far of a stretch to say that it probably happened at Russia's house. »

Poland nods at Hungay's words. Yes, he thinks so too. He drums his fingers against the table -he hasn't moved from his place, content to be at the edge of the circle -he still doesn't like much being the center of attention during times like this. So he keeps quiet and listens to everyone's guess at how Liet and Russia's relationship started.

France bets on something romantic and unplanned ; a strained conversation about something else entirely during which they both let the masks fall and realize they can't hide their feelings anymore -with Lithuania being the one to tell Russia about his feelings first.

For Ukraine, it took place in Russia's garden, during summer. Russia loves flowers, so the place holds a lot of meaning for him. She wonders thoughfully whether they were walking, or if they just sat on a bench, until Russia spoke up.

Japan nods politely at everyone's speculations. When they ask him how he thinks it happened, he squints at something he wrote in his notebook, before ominously saying : « I'm not sure, but there was a maid dress involved somewhere. » Thanks Japan for this precious input.

Hungary thinks it happened during winter as a snowstorm raged outside. « During winter we all search for human warmth » she says wisely.

Poland listens without saying a word. He likes all the explanations. They cheerfully discuss it, and though they do joke a little, it lacks any mockery. It is all good humored speculations. But a part of him knows that it is not how it happened. They talk of snowstorms that would freeze hearts if they didn't confess on the spot ; of quiet longings that deliberately come to an end at the best moment ; of sudden recklessness, a need to know, no matter if it will succeed or fail.

And, truly, all these options are pretty and romantic and great. But they lack heart, in a way Poland can't quite define.

« Do you want to add something, Poland ? »

He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. His giddiness is still here, but he feels like he is lacking a core element of their relationship. The speculations are fun, but he knows they won't find the answer.

Liet is fierce, but shy sometimes. And Russia may be intimidating, but he needs time to say important things -he is not as autoritary as some believe him to be.

Poland closes his eyes for a few seconds. He thinks of his best friend, and no, a sudden reveal wouldn't suit him. He recalls all the moments he saw, the quiet glimpses he got of their relationship.  It is a miracle in itself that it is working ; but somehow they do make it work.

He thinks of Lithuania brushing his fingers against Russia's as they walk next to one another, of Russia tucking a strand of Lithuania's hair behind his ear in an affectionate gesture.

This kind of love doesn't happen overnight. But have they always been conscious of it ? Poland begs to disagree. He knows he missed a lot of important moments of Liet's life, while they were apart. But now that Lithuania can proudly walk in Russia's house like he blongs there, not because he needs to but because he wants to, he wonders if they have finally reached an equilibrium.

With familiarity comes love, and tenderness, he knows it.

So maybe that is how it happened, something so mundane as that. It was a cold but bright morning, and Lithuania thought of Russia, and his heart skipped a beat, because, oh, that is what it was all along. And maybe Russia understood one day why he liked to look at Lithuania so much. Maybe the day they reached an equilibrium, they understood. Familiarity led them to understund, simply. No words needed, no actions either. Just the quiet realization that they may share more than they thought.

Yes, Poland quite likes this option. He smiles and opens his mouth once again to tell the other what he thinks, when a voice interrupts them.

« May I know what this is all about ? Also, France, this is my seat. »

Lithuania looks midly annoyed. Behind him, Germany seems about to raise his voice. A quick glance to his watch tells Poland the meeting should have started nearly half an hour ago. Whoops.

The countries scatter in a swirl of laugh and noise, each regaining their place at the table.

« What were you talking about ? » Lithuania asks Poland as he sits down.

France chuckles and pats Lithuania's shoulder as he goes. « Your love life. I hope you two lovebirds will soon make up~ »

Lithuania watches bewildered as France walks away, still laughing. He sends Poland an uncomprehensive look. « Really ? »

« It's more complicated than you think » Poland shrugs. He barely contains his want to laugh at Lithuania's wide open eyes. He looks so lost that Poland can't help but want to enlighten him a bit. « When you arrived with Russia, it seemed like you two were on bad terms at the moment. So France, Hungary and, ah, quite a bit of us decided to meddle with your love life ? We only wanted to help I swear !! »

But instead of being annoyed at the fact the others are always searching for bits of gossip, Lithuania smiles weakly. « Oh. Well, we weren't actually... fighting. »

Now it's Poland's turn not to understand a thing. « What ? » he exclaims loudly, not caring about keeping his voice down. The meeting still hasn't started anyway. « But... I was getting so worried ! Like, I thought something had happened, I don't like seeing you like that ! I thought you... »

I was worried you'd isolate yourself again if something was truly wrong, is what he doesn't say. His worry must show though, because Lithuania immediately stutters, embarrassed to have caused his friend to worry :

« That's, I'm sorry I made you think that ! I... I just had a minor disagreement with Russia this morning, and we decided not to talk of it till the meeting was over, since we were already late. »

That explains why Lithuania decided to purposefully avoid Russia's eyes. Poland still feels a bit confused.

« What was this argument about ? »

« We don't agree on whether or not we should allow the dog in our room... »

At the word dog, Germany, who was within earshot, comes up to them. Japan quietly follows, and soon, all the countries are assembled around the two of them for a totally different reason. It seems they all have something to say on the subject, and the meeting is once more forgotten -even by Germany this time.  

Finally, Poland notices Russia from the corner of his eyes. He looks slightly distressed, not so much because of the conversation, but he keeps sending looks at Lithuania.

« I wouldn't let my dog on my bed, it would get hair everywhere ! »

« France, you don't even have a dog. I think it'd be fine, I mean, dogs are cuddly and soft ! They can keep you warm ! »

« I don't think warmth is the issue Spain... »

« Sweden and I sometimes allow Hanatamago on the bed ! She gets afraid of storms ! »

Russia uses the incessant chatter to sneak around until he is close enough to Lithuania. He offers a small smile, that Lithuania hesitantely returns.

« Well, this is why I thought we'd better not talk about it in front of others. Everything takes... unforeseen proportions with them. »

And indeed, everyone has started making the argument about their own thing. Poland hears a few of them deep into yet another dog vs cats argument (Ponies are better than both anyway). Russia nods at Lithuania.

« I know, but since the meeting didn't seem to be starting, I thought we might have time to settle the argument. »

Poland sighs in relief and takes out his phone. Well, finally, it was nothing serious between Russia and Liet, they all got worked up for nothing. He settles on playing games until the meeting actually starts, letting the chitchating become an almost pleasant background audio.

*

« Hey » Poland says. He is sitting on his couch, Lithuania next to him. Liet is reading a book, and doesn't seem too enclined to chat. He still raises his eyes from the book, to show Poland he is listening.

« You remember how this other day the others and I ended up making assumptions about your love life ? »

Lithuania has a small smile, and closes his book. « Of course I remember. »

« You ever settled that argument with Russia by the way ? »

Lithuania nods, and snorts. « Yes. I think he was a bit jealous, afraid I'd give the dog too much attention if we let him sleep with us. But Russia had a point though. She sleeps in our room now, but not on the bed. »

Poland moves closer to Lithuania, until he can rest his head against his friend's shoulder. « That's great. I'm glad you sorted this out. »

« What were you talking about when you all thought that, ah, we were arguing ? »

« We made bets about who we thought confessed first, and somehow ended up wondering how exactly you ended up together. It was Hungary's idea, or France's, I don't remember. I think they thought that if we could lead you to like, reenact the day you first got together, you'd somehow understand fighting each other was stupid because you love each other ? Something like that. »

At that, Lithuania laughs, a little surprised. Well, he can't say his friends aren't ready to do anything for them. It is a little bewildering that this is the first answer that came to their mind, though.

« Hey, Liet, it actually got me thinking, you know. I... you never told me how your relationship started. »

Lithuania blinks, licks his lips nervously. « There's a reason for that, actually. »

Poland moves from his comfortable position to be at eyes lever with Lithuania. There are a lot of things that flashes through Lithuania's eyes. Love, of course, and a bit of pride. And something Poland doesn't recognize, like a bit of sadness stranded amidst all this love.

He feels his heart constricting, and puts a reassuring hand on Lithuania's shoulder. « You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I understand. »

Lithuania merely shakes his head.

« It's not that. You know, Russia and I made a promise that day. »

Poland nods politely, waiting for Lithuania to explain.

« I know it's a foolish thing, but we promised to never talk of that day. Not to each other, and not to anyone. »

Poland's eyes widen. What kind of promise is that ? He feels once again that the puzzle lacks a piece, that he cannot possibly understand the link Lithuania and Russia share.

« Why » he whispers in a breath. How can you want to forget such a day, to never mention it again ? He doesn't say.

Lithuania seems to understand his surprise, and it is with knowing eyes and a smile torn between mirth and hopeless optimism that he speaks.

« Of course we can't forget about that day. But, even if it is foolish, even if it is vain, we decided to act like it never existed. Like things were always the way they are now.

Because things that don't have a start can't possibly come to an end, right ? »

[brianjameson]

Day 2: Valentine’s Day

I woke up again from my interrupted sleep at 11am and packed my bags to now go to my Air bnb in Reykjavik.

I checked out at noon from my hotel and took off. When I left the hotel there was snow everywhere. It made me a little nervous driving but I’m glad I made the decision to rent a big car to have a less chance of sliding off the road.

It was a true winter wonderland driving. It’s not like anything I had ever seen before. I’ve been to Mt. Charleston in Vegas and seen some snow up there as a kid but this was something straight out of a movie. I mean it was miles and miles of snow everywhere and mountains covered. I drove by and just admired everything around me. Definitely had to stop on the side of the road and do the typical tourist thing and take selfies and photos of everything.

Driving into Reykjavik started to look a lot like the kids Christmas movies I used to watch growing up. The town truly looks so cute when you first get in. They even had a little town called “Elves Town”.

I arrived in Reykjavik at around 1pm and I remember my Air bnb people told me that there was street parking in front of the place but that I had to pay to park. It’s a one way street on most roads downtown so I got the most perfect parking spot that was right next to where I was staying! Someone pulled out and I parked right where they were. I parked and went up to the meter to pay and realized everything was in Icelandic…. OBVIOUSLY. I was like FUCK WHAT DO I DO. I start just pushing buttons until something pops up about language but could not figure it out. Thank God there’s parking people walking around that help you because one of the ladies came up to me since she could tell I was struggling and she helped me push the button on the meter that changes the language for you.

Tip: The red button I circled in the photo is the button you press to change the language on the meter.

Once again, I’m not used to paying for parking ANYWHERE nor did it ever register to me that there was a button that could help change the language because I’ve never used one of these things!

There’s 3 sections you can park in: P1, P2, P3.

I parked in section P1 which gives me access to park anywhere within the 3 paid parking sections because it’s the most expensive. I honestly didn’t care how much I spent as long as I was within walking distance to my car. I was not about to fucking hike to my car for some free parking or cheaper parking considering the fact the weather changes like I change my underwear.

I paid and headed towards where my Air bnb was at and got to the door where there was a key pad you push to unlock it and grab the key that’s inside. I pulled up the email with the instructions and was pushing the buttons and COULD NOT FIGURE IT OUT. I felt like I was in a fucking Resident Evil video game where you’re spending 2 hours trying to solve a puzzle or unlock something until you finally go on youtube to look it up lol. I spent maybe 10 min trying to figure it out and realized there was a button you pull down on that opens the box and in it was the key. THANK FUCK.

I get inside the building and look around for an elevator… There’s no fucking elevator to be found…. I had to lug alllll my shit up 5 flights of stairs.. All I could think of was the movie Cinderella when the mice steal the evil step mothers key and climb up all those stairs to get it to Cinderella to open the door to the room she’s locked in and the mice are sweating their asses off getting up the stairs… I was so irritated… My shit was so heavy and here my skinny ass is lugging all this shit up the stairs.

I punch in another code to get the house key and get in and the Air bnb is GORGEOUS and definitely worth all the hassle of lugging shit upstairs lol. I could not have found anything as nice as this. I had a balcony with a view of downtown and a view of the Ocean where I can see the sunrise. When I booked it I remember how hard it was to book because the apartment is typically always booked up and books fast when it’s available so I got real lucky there too.

I was starving when I got to Reykjavik and it’s hard for me to be on vacation sometimes because I HAVE to have breakfast before I eat anything otherwise it throws my body off. I’m not one of those people that can wake up and eat pizza. My body is very finicky with what I eat and the times I eat it.

I make my way down the street and find a little spot that has an egg on it and think YES THEY MUST HAVE BREAKFAST. I walk in and ask and the lady if they have breakfast and she looked at the clock and was like “uhhhh breakfast was over at 10am.. It’s 2pm….” I was like “miss, I’m sorry, I’m from Vegas where breakfast can be served all day and I saw the egg on the window and thought you guys were my best bet lol.” She laughed and showed me the Chinese food they had for the day. I looked at it and just thought to myself ‘fuck I really don’t want this I really want eggs and toast! 😦 ‘ I was having an internal conflict with myself over FOOD. She said there were other lunch places I could go to but I really wasn’t in the mood to spend more time searching for another place since my morning/afternoon was already so fucked, so I settled.

I got to talking with her and she told me her name was Alex. She was 35 and looked maybe 27. She was a red head with a beautiful long bob haircut parted down the middle and when she would walk her hair would flow so nicely. She had the most beautiful pale skin and I couldn’t stop staring at her.. Clearly lol. I was talking to her the entire time. I wanted to learn more about the city and what she was doing in Iceland. She told me she had moved from Poland and told me how hard people in Poland work and make no money. She said you can make waaaaay more money in Iceland which makes sense because the tourism has exploded over the past 5 years there so they’re always busy. She said she was going to school to study Forestry and would only like to visit the states to see the forests but that’s it. She had no desire to really go to the US.

I finished eating went to check out and noticed she had a map of Iceland which I could really use to help me navigate where I’m at and where I’m going since it’s hard to see the streets on my GPS sometimes. I felt like fate was working with me to let me know I wasn’t lost, just getting around the town and finding my way especially since I managed to go into an establishment that had maps of the city/country.

I walked around for a bit and met a guy by the name of Eyvi his full name is Eyjólfur Eyjólfsson. He was a very sweet guy. I invited him over so we could hang out and chat and he asked about my necklace (where I keep Nicks ashes in). I tried to dance around the conversation a little to try and avoid telling him but he asked if a boyfriend had gave it to me so I broke the news to him and told him why I was really in Iceland… I could tell he felt really bad and he opened up to me about how he’s experienced loss like that in his life as well. We really connected and I didn’t see it before when I was talking to him but he looked almost identical to Nick… I got chills when I saw the photo we took.

Eyvi is easily one of the most unique people I’ve ever met. He was wearing so much wool and just looked like something out of a movie. He was telling me he helps children how to build instruments and play flute and it was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard. We still keep in touch and hopefully I’ll get to party with him in the future when I go back to visit. He was meeting friends out that night and so he left from my place and I got ready to go to my tour to go see the northern lights at 9pm. This was the first tour I was doing and needed to walk to find the bus stop for this thing. I was damn near running to try and get there earlier than the time scheduled to leave because I had no clue what kind of bus stop this was or where I was going I was just following my map. On my way to the bus station I kept looking around at all the buildings and the amount of snow that was in the ground that kept getting all around and in my shoes. I was appreciating being in a different country all by myself and just happy I was doing all of these things alone and just figuring shit out.

I reached the bus station in time to start boarding the bus and off we went. I sat next to this guy that was as well traveling alone like me which I didn’t think would happen since it was Valentine’s Day and everyone was with their friends or couples.

It was raining on the way to wherever the fuck we were going to see these lights and idk where exactly we could see them since there were so many clouds.

On the way there the lady driving the bus kept talking and talking and talking and it was quite frankly driving me nuts. SHE EVEN FORGOT IT WAS VALENTINES DAY. She admitted that they don’t celebrate that in Iceland but that they celebrate the fuck out of Christmas! I thought it was funny that she had completely spaced about it.

We finally found a spot where it wasn’t cloudy or rainy and we just waited. The moon was beautiful and bright but this was the one time I started to get really cold since we had already been out for an hour and couldn’t see shit. It was supposed to be a 3 hour tour and I was over it after an hour. I was cold and just went back into the bus. When the lights finally decided to show they started pounding on the bus for everyone to come out and see the lights but you literally were only able to see them for not even 5 minutes. I managed to capture whatever photos I could on my phone since apparently my camera wasn’t able to pick up on them. The lights are normally more intense but it was beautiful to see them cut through the sky the way they did. Finally everyone was over it and it was midnight by this point so we were all ready to leave. I was beat tired so I was happy we were finally leaving.

Tip: I would NEVER buy a tour like that again. If you’re going to Iceland try and drive somewhere out of the city if you’re renting a car because you can see them just about anywhere in the country. Sometimes you can even see them in the city so paying for a tour is honestly NOT fucking worth it. I wouldn’t pay to GO SEE THEM ever again. JUST SAYINNN.

I got back to my hotel and just passed the fuck out.

The following day was going to be a very emotional tour for me and made sure I needed to be well rested since it was going to be an 8 hour tour. Stay tuned to find out what it was if you don’t know already. ♥

Letters from the Arctic pt.2 Day 2: Valentine's Day I woke up again from my interrupted sleep at 11am and packed my bags to now go to my Air bnb in Reykjavik.

[cilla44]

If you haven’t read my blog on how I got to Finland you can read it here. There’s a lot to cover so I’m just gonna jump right in.

We officially landed in Helsinki on June 29th at 11pm after a 2 hour flight from Stockholm (there’s a 1 hour difference between the two countries.) The first time I experienced someone not acknowledging me when I spoke to them was when we asked how to best get to our hostel at the information desk at the airport. The guy that told us to take the bus kind of ignored me when I spoke to him and didn’t make eye-contact. It was a few minutes until our bus would arrive and my friend was hungry so she got something to eat at a Burger King at the airport. I bought a water but it was an unnecessary struggle. I literally had to repeat “1 water bottle” like 20 times before another person said “she wants a water bottle” to the cashier. He apologized, but it was really off-putting. I don’t have a strong accent and I’m especially cognizant when I’m speaking to someone that doesn’t speak English as their first language.

Anyways, we took the bus to our hostel that was a 30 minute ride away. We had to get off at Hattulantie, and I swear I said the name correctly (my friend had told him first too because I figured pretty quickly from my interactions at the airport that my appearance is off-putting to some people.) The bus driver understood us when we initially bought the ticket to Hattulantie, but when we asked him during the ride there he couldn’t understand us. I noticed during my stay that bus drivers don’t speak English well. Lucky for us a woman on the bus was getting off at our same stop so she helped us get to our hostel.

We were actually super lucky to meet this kind woman! She just got back to Helsinki from a tour around the world and was staying at our hostel for a night before she headed back to Lapland. She was super nice and friendly and walked with us to the hostel. She also called the hostel since we didn’t have a key or a code and helped us check in. Like she made sure that we were all settled in before she situated herself. We couldn’t thank her enough. We slept pretty late in the night and the sun literally never sets in Finland! We were tired though so it wasn’t hard to fall asleep the first day.

I brought a vegan protein bar & had a black coffee fyi

07:30 was my wake up call for Tuska Day 1. We got ready and headed out to Café Succès (it had high reviews so we went there of course) for breakfast. I think we just people watched for a while and took it easy until we headed out to Tuska around noon. We took the metro to Tuska and the metro is so simple it’s kind of ridiculous. We didn’t get lost at all finding our way to the abandoned factory area since there were a ton of metalheads on the metro as well. We just followed the sea of black and in no time we were there. Also metalheads are nice people IN CASE THE WORLD IN STILL IN THE DARK ABOUT OUR CULTURE

We got our Turbo VIP tickets and forgot that it included a bag with free merch. I said this on the breakdown post, but we got a Tuska tote bag, a Tuska sweatband, Tuska lanyard with the Turbo VIP pass, a magazine that featured all of the artists, a schedule, and 3 free meal tickets. When you walk into the festival, after security checks you, you’ll see a huge merch stand to the left. They only take cash though so we had to walk back to the metro and withdraw some. The only bands we wanted to see the first day were Anneke Van Giersbergen’s Vuur, Wintersun, and Sabaton so we didn’t miss anyone we had planned to see.

It was FREEZING cold (to a Texan/Californian) on the first day. I was literally shaking from the cold. The wind was SO GNARLY that we had to camp out in the VIP area a few times to avoid it. The VIP area has a covered dining area as well as a bar that’s covered. Also it’s own restroom which was super nice itself. I think we hung around the back of Anneke‘s set, ate burgers quickly (they had a vegan jackfruit burger option!) then ran off to see Wintersun’s set at the main stage.

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Wintersun 6/30 16:20-17:20

I didn’t get as close as I would’ve like to the stage for Wintersun, but the performance was still epic! I honestly never thought that I would ever see Wintersun play live (I’ve been a fan for about 5 years), so this experience was kind of surreal to me. It was hard for me to grasp that I was actually seeing them perform in person that I just stared throughout the whole concert basically. I lost it during some of their songs lol it’s so hard not to jam to “Beyond the Dark Sun” and definitely to “Sons of Winter and Stars.” I loved the band’s synergy. I didn’t know what to expect since they added an additional guitarist to the group, Asim, but their set flowed smoothly and their performance seemed very natural. Needless to say, Wintersun’s set got me stoked for the rest of Tuska! Also during the closing of their set Jari looked straight at me and gave me a power metal salute!! I was so far in the back that I didn’t think they could see me, although I did smile at Asim and Teemu while they were playing, but my friend turned to me and was like “DID YOU SEE THAT/DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!?” I was literally freaking out for a straight 10 minutes. Then we found out shortly after that they were having an autograph session later that night.

There were actually quite a lot of people in line for Wintersun’s autographs. Like I said before, I didn’t know the magnitude of a lot of these bands popularity until I visited their homelands. We waited so long that we sat down lol, and the line was moving pretty slowly because everyone wanted a goddamn selfie. They are all super nice and from the few minutes that I spent with them they seem really down to Earth and humble. I had a funny conversation with Jukka. I think he got bored while waiting for the line to move so he drew a “mushroom” in my friend’s autograph book. I asked him what it was & he said that it was supposed to be a mushroom. I told him that it looked like a cow. He was like “um no it’s a mushroom lol” so I asked him to draw something on my card. He thought about it for a while then scribbled something and called it a flamingo. I laughed at it because it kind of looked like a shape with a beak, but stopped making fun of him and moved on to Teemu. Teemu was polite. He asked me where I was from and if I was staying for the full 3 days of Tuska. Jari was probably the most grateful (?) out of the group. He shook my hand, signed my card, and told me thank you in like the best way possible (with hand motions and stuff à la Jari style.) Overall that band was dope before and they are super dope now. I actually can’t wait to meet them again!

Top left is Wintersun

I think in between sets we basically walked around. We visited the Inferno stage briefly (to shield ourselves from the cold tbh), the convenience store because my period decided it wanted me to experience THE MOST TUSKA out of anyone at that goddamn festival, but mostly the VIP area where I saw some random rockstars chillin’. I made eye-contact with Archie from Santa Cruz who was with Olli Herman from Reckless Love, but decided not to say hi to them because they were chillin with their  homeboys.

Eventually we walked to Insomnium because my friend knew of some of their songs and thought they were a good band. I was in so much pain from my period that I felt kind of high during their set. But from what I remember from my experience they play music that I would actively listen to. We were kind of at the back of the crowd so I couldn’t see the stage because #shortpeopleproblems

#shortpeopleprobs

We kind of saw Devin Townsend‘s set, but we listened to his/their (?) music before the festival and only dug a few songs. He had a straightforward sense of humor that was pretty hilarious.

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Sabaton 6/30 22:30-00:00

Sabaton was a big artist that we wanted to see that day. We literally stood for an hour at least before their set so that we could get as close to the stage as possible, and we ended up being 1 row from the gate to the left of the stage near Tommy. I went to see them in San Francisco not too long ago and I was excited to see the tank during their set, but they didn’t have it at the SF show. When they revealed everything for their Tuska set it was everything I wanted. They had a tank, visuals on the screen, confetti, and a wardrobe malfunction. It was SO FUN. The crowd knew all the songs and although the cadence/jokes of this set was basically a repeat of their SF show the volume of people genuinely enjoying their time made it so much more fun. We sung/screamed until we couldn’t anymore and jumped until we were sore. I was getting pretty tired towards the end of their set and Pär would look at me and smile every time I was fading away from fatigue lol I felt so bad but also your girl was hella tired. Sabaton is always a fun show to see and I recommend them to anyone that is looking for a new band to get into.

That night we arrived at our hostel around 1am, but I didn’t sleep until around 2am because I absolutely cannot fall asleep if I haven’t taken a shower beforehand. We met some girls who were also attending Tuska for all 3 days. They were from Poland and I forgot where else lol but they were pretty cool. The only not cool thing was that 1 girl snored like a TRAIN all night. Like it was so ridiculous that the girl sleeping in the bunk under me would get up in the middle of the night from frustration and kick that girl’s bed or wake her up to tell her to shut up lol

Here’s the schedule for day 1 (I didn’t get autograph times because they were randomly added throughout the day):

13:00 Gates open

14-14:45 Rotten Sound

14:15-14:45 Huora

14:45-15:35 Brother Firetribe

15:15-15:45 Kohti Tuhoa

15:35-16:20 Anneke Van Giersbergen’s Vuur

16:15-16:45 Ratface

14:20-17:20 Wintersun

17:15-18 Baptism

17:25-18:25 Brujeria

18:25-19:25 Suicidal Tendencies

18:30-19:15 Pekko Käppi

19:25-20:25 Insomnium

19:45-20:30 Barathrum

20:25-21:25 Devin Townsend Project

21-21:45 Trap Them

21:25-22:30 Mayhem

22:30-00 Sabaton

01:00 Gates Close

I’ll cover Tuska Day 2 in the next blog!

Later Sweethearts, Cilla

Tuska 2017: Tuska Day 1 If you haven't read my blog on how I got to Finland you can read it here…