perlumi-delirium

[perlumi-delirium]

I 100% understand why they changed it (episode pacing-wise it made sense to combine chapters 10 and 12, and at the end of the episode it would’ve been strange for Tohru to return to the inner parts of the Sohma estate)…but I’m still grieving the fact that this page didn’t get animated in its full glory.

[perlumi-delirium]

[perlumi-delirium]

[perlumi-delirium]

The fact that’s is 2019 and I get to watch an episode of Fruits Basket every friday evening is absolutely surreal, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Fruits Basket helped me and comforted me when I first read it as a preteen and it’s a story I’ve often come back to ever since. I can’t believe I get to experience it once again, it’s truly wonderful. I’ve cried so many tears over this story, and I’m ready to shed many more. 

[perlumi-delirium]

[perlumi-delirium]

[perlumi-delirium]

Sleep well, she is here to protect you. 

The funny thing with this drawing is that I drew it right before listening to the TMA episode where the Web is called “Mother of Puppets”, and it fits this drawing so well that I can’t help but think there’s a little magic (or mind-control) behind it. I have been asked several times and no, the spider isn’t going to eat the girl, she is protecting her from nightmares. A particularily efficient dream catcher.

[perlumi-delirium]

Spider making its web.

[perlumi-delirium]

A bit of rambling ramble under the cut

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing these past months. Even excluding the fact that I seem to have no recollection of febrary at all, I feel like my feelings on things have shifted so much that I’m at a loss of what to do. Maybe it’s because I’m growing up, maybe it’s because of something else, but I’ve become pretty distant with a lot of fandom stuff these past months. Well, to be entirely truthful, I did continue to spend time in fandom, but away from this account and the memories it ties me to. It feels a bit like running away, somehow. I’ve made another identity for myself, another account -away from tumblr entirely, I can’t keep up with this website these days. 

What I’m trying to say I guess is that I don’t even know how to approach some fandoms I was in before January happened. Particularily the TMA fandom, since that was my main point of focus at the time. It’s been really strange for me to realize that I don’t actually... feel like interacting with the fandom at all, when fandom has been essential to my enjoyment of something for several years now. 

But when it comes to TMA I feel like I’m just... indifferent? Maybe it’s because I actually have IRL friends I can chat with when I want to talk about it. (Neja, Chyw, Uni, if you see this I love you very much and I love our conversations!!) Or maybe it’s because it’s a podcast and I proceed things differently? Idk. 

It just has become clearer and clearer for me over the past weeks that I’ve been away because I actually wanted to be away, and not because I just couldn’t come back. 

It feels super strange to say, but I... don’t want to read tma fics all that much? I don’t want to listen to theories, or interact with people I don’t know and get stressed about way too many things again for no reason. I’m fine doing it with my friends, but actually interacting with strangers again, for the sake of fandom? It seems impossible to me. At least for this fandom. 

I enjoy doodling occasional potential designs of some characters, but I don’t want to share them either -because I’ve got that shitty fear that they’re either not interesting enough or just meh, idk. I’m sure nobody would judge me, it’s more that I don’t want anyone to ever take whatever I’m doing seriously when I honestly have legit forgotten things I have done recently. Sometimes I find a drawing that I don’t remember drawing, or a fic idea that doesn’t feel like my own, and I’m convinced my brain’s playing tricks on me. (okay, it sounds bad and ominous when I put it like that, but I swear that for the most part I’m okay, I’ve just had a rough year so far.)

I’m tired of stressing myself out for something that should -and for the most part actually and truly is- fun. So yeah. I still can’t believe I’m saying this, because it doesn’t feel like... me, you know, but I don’t want to draw fanart and put it on my blog, I don’t wanna listen to theories all that much, I don’t want to read fics I’ll never be able to write comments for... I just... don’t and it’s making me feel shitty. 

I’ve been coming to terms with it. It shouldn’t have been this hard, tbh, but fandom has been such an essential part of me for the past years that I just can’t seem to fathom a life without it. And I’m not saying goodbye to fandom alltogether! There are shows and animes that continue to draw me in, so I’ll probably continue to create content for them, although maybe it will never be on this account again. 

But I probably won’t ever write something TMA related. I do feel like I’d enjoy looking at more fanarts sometimes, so maybe I’ll come to do that from time to time. But I don’t want to read fics, or theories, or just, take it all seriously again. I don’t care for ships or AUs or whatever, I just want to cry over Melanie and Daisy and be done with it.

Just thinking about reading a fic and writing a review utterly exhausts me in advance, I don’t know why. I don’t wanna feel guilty again for reading fic without commenting, or even worse, feeling guilty because I don’t read fic when someone recced me one or something. 

I love TMA to death, but I also feel like I’m more comfortable loving it from afar, and being pretty much passive in my enjoyment of it. It’s a weird feeling. It’s not necessarily a bad one. I’m fine with being a nobody, a “casual” fan, whatever. I don’t want anyone to have expectations for me. I’ll just do my own thing, away. And it’s not a bad thing! I just need to truly believe it’s not a bad thing. 

This post is probably a mess, but I felt like I needed to put it into words. If you read this then, idk, thank you for being curious about my thoughts when you have no obligation to? 

[perlumi-delirium]

Confession time: I’ve never read something written by Théophile Gautier before. I had never had the occasion I guess, and never thought of borrowing one of his books at the library. But this weekend I found THIS!!!! AND LOOK HOW LOVELY THIS BOOK IS?? If I have a weakness, it’s pretty books, so I’m really excited! The drawings are lovely, drawn on each inner cover. I unfortunately haven’t found the print date yet? I’m guessing 1950-60, but I’m not sure, I’m pretty bad at guessing dates lol. I will update if I find more info!! 

@pilferingapples sorry to tag you again, but I thought you might be interested? :D

[perlumi-delirium]

Last weekend I went to an event where they also sold second hand books, and I found this really interesting gem!! I know almost nothing about the subject since until now I haven’t studied Hugo’s portrayal of war before, so I think I will learn a lot with it!! I didn’t hesitate a second before buying it, because the book was made under the direction of Claude Millet, whom I love very much -she made one of the clearest and nicest books on Romanticism I’ve had the pleasure to read. (Granted, I’m no expert on the subject, but she’s definitely good at introducing what Romanticism is). 

This book is the result of a conference named, well, Hugo and War, that took place in Université Paris VII in 2002. 26 historians and researchers took part in the colloquium. 

If someone is interested in one of the specific articles, please feel free to reach out to me so I can try to send it to you thanks to the power pf hopefully not too awful pics. I intend to read this over the summer, so I may try my hand at translating an article if someone is really interested in one but doesn’t speak French. @pilferingapples I don’t know if you’ve seen this book before, but I’m pretty happy with it!! :D 

[perlumi-delirium]

hi what’s up i remembered i had a tumblr account 

[perlumi-delirium]

For Science, Book 2 : More Science(TM)

(jk I can’t title it like that omg) (I totally did)

IT IS TIME. After a year and a half of waiting, the saga continues! @perlumi-delirium Ummm I’m not sure if you’re still in the Billford scene, buuut it was your post that originally gave birth to this epic tale, so ima go ahead and tag you :D

The heart-wrenchingly dramatic finale to the trilogy will be out soon! I’m super committed to finishing this awe-inspiring story by the end of this week, or the beginning of the next.

If you haven’t read the first part yet, you can do so here! 

Ford sighed and shook his head in frustration. This was one of those times when he found himself missing the grandness of academia – or rather, its dedication to record everything known in equal importance, with nothing left out due to petty disputes of local politics. At least, he thought bitterly, not something as significant as this.

So far, he hadn’t been able to find anything from the archives of the Gravity Falls Museum that would help him trace the origins of the statue he’d discovered.

Afficher davantage

[perlumi-delirium]

A creature designed to be “cute”, created by a god that does not fully understand what “cute” looks like to humans.

[perlumi-delirium]

Made a tiny opal butt spider!

[perlumi-delirium]

victor hugo + major works

[perlumi-delirium]

Parvulus

There are many chapters in Les Misérables that I love. Still, Parvulus holds a very special place in my heart, and in this post I will try to explain why it means so much to me. (or : I’m still not sure how to join Brick!Club and this is a very awkward attempt at jumping on the bandwagon, pls @pilferingapples confirm for my peace of mind)

What is striking about this chapter is how short it is : barely a page. It’s an interesting way to start Paris étudié dans son atome, like swift paintbrush strokes across a canvas. The rhythm is quick, and each chapter helps to paint the portrait of the gamin. The listing of the many qualities and particularities of the gamin makes for the better part of the chapter, but that’s not what I want to bring light upon. There are two words that I think are really essential to the understanding of this chapter : Parvulus, and homuncio. Both are latin words -not surprising given Hugo’s love for latin- but here he subtly diverts from their usual meaning and use, and it makes the subtext 100% charming and painful at the same time.

Starting with Parvulus. I am fairly sure that most editions give the meaning for this word, but I do think that there’s more to say about than just what it means in its most basic sense. I cannot be sure what English translators translate it into, but in French, it’s ‘le tout petit’, aka 'the small one’. To understand how meaningful it is that Hugo made this the title of his chapter, I need to talk a bit about the word itself.

Parvulus is the diminutive form of the latin word parvus, meaning 'small’ and/or 'not much’. Parvulus upgrades this meaning to 'very small’. As you can see, the most basic meaning of parvulus isn’t what Hugo means when he uses it. That’s because parvulus is not generally a noun. In latin dictionaries, it’s listed as parvulus,a,um : it’s an adjective. However here Hugo doesn’t use it with any other word that could be identified as a subject. The word is alone, and it’s clear that it’s intended to be taken as such (tough latin loves to only imply words instead of stating them, it’s clearly not the case here). So what Hugo does is that he takes the diminutive form of an adjective (which can already be taken as a small joke on his part : a diminutive word for a small being) and he makes it a substantive.

Hugo takes an adjective and makes a noun out of it, and it highlights the tenderness of this chapter, especially when we reach the end. The gamin truly is Paris’ child, and it’s said right in the title.

You cannot understand how much this means to me. Using the adjective would just be describing the gamin, as he spends multiple chapters doing. But to start his serie of chapters, he not only gives us a name for the gamin type as a whole ; he tells us how frail yet charming they are. Diminutives in latin can have two meanings, that strongly depend on context : either they have a negative connotation or they are affectionate. Here, it’s definitely affectionate, and it warms my heart so much. Hugo has so much tenderness for the gamin, and he says so right from the start. Just, in a subtle, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it way. Or rather, 'if you don’t have extensive latin knowledge you’ll definitely miss it’ way.

Also, I like that Hugo brags to be the first one to use 'gamin’ in a book six chapters later, then gives us another nice name for them, but in latin because it’s even more pretentious and fancy. (and latin does convey connotation in nice, discreet ways).

Small digression while I’m at it : in III.3.7 Hugo says that the first use of gamin can be traced back to 1834 with Claude Gueux, and while it’s already super funny that he advertises for his own book, I still can’t believe that he so blatantly LIES. Hugo uses the word gamin in ch. II.5 in Notre-Dame de Paris. Which was published in 1831.WHY HUGO. I honestly don’t buy that he forgot about Notre-Dame de Paris, so I’m left with two hypothesis : either he considers Notre-Dame to be too much of an early work, or he wanted to bring attention to a more political work, rather than just a Romantic Book with Nice Architecture Digressions. Either way I’m sure he had a true reason for doing this and not knowing for sure Bugs Me. (I need to reread Claude Gueux damn) (if you want to discuss this with me PLEASE DO)

ANYWAY moving on to the next point : homuncio. This word bugged me so much once I decided to make some research for this chapter, and it was a frustrating search, let me tell you.

The complete sentence I’m refeering to is 'Homuncio, dirait Plaute.�� As Plautus would say huh, Hugo ? If you’re not overly familiar with Plautus, in a few words : Plautus is probably the most famous latin comedy playwriter of Antiquity.

Why the reference to Plautus, then, you may ask ? Well I’m glad you ask, because there’s a 50% chance that Hugo used it because References Are Nice. I checked all of Plautus’ famous comedies, and I found only two uses of the word (and a slightly altered version of it, though it has the same meaning). Not much to work on then. It is possible, I guess, that Hugo was Truly Refeering to one of these two occurrences. I doubt it, and does it even matter ? In the grand scheme of things… no. It doesn’t.

Hugo is always citing latin authors and great writers before him like a student name drops fifty authors in his essay in hopes that the teachers think he’s clever and well-read. Though, admittedly, Hugo HAS read them. But still. The reference to Plautus is mostly for show.

What matters is the nature of the word. And guess what ? Homuncio… is another diminutive. To be precise, it’s a diminutive of the word 'homo’, aka man/human. Even if we all know Homo is also a nice wolf name. (listen, I needed to make this ref to L'homme qui rit, it’s for my health thank you)

So Hugo took this short chapter, put two latin diminutives into it, all to talk about the Small Gamin character type. Way to lay it off heavy even in the STRUCTURE of the novel, thanks Hugo.

This chapter is mostly upbeat. The long, flowing sentences, the enumeration. All of it can seem strangely cheerful when truly the subject is child poverty. It’s strange, because Hugo definitely feels for these kids who live in the streets and survive as they can in a hostile world, but he still paints them as cheerful fairy types, who laugh more often than they cry and make the most of any situation.

That’s also what the word Homuncio implies, if one doesn’t look more into it : Plautus is a comedy author, so it’s easy to disregard the word (which I personally have never find explained by notes in any editions, please do tell me if some English ones do explain it) as a nice funny thing to call gamins and call it a day.

The truth is far from that. I haven’t found much information in my latin dictionary, because this word is seldom used. I did manage to confirm that it’s a diminutive, but it’s its meaning that interests me the most : homuncio means 'poor little man’, as listed in its definition in the Gaffiot. That’s an interesting way to put it, right ? Where parvulus was really caring, homuncio carries the second use of diminutives : it’s connoted negatively, and it’s even sometimes pejorative.

Why, then, use this word ?

It may seem a bit far-stretched, but the fact that these two latin words are used mere sentences apart drives me to believe they can be taken as parallels. One is tender and kind ; the other is seemingly funny but ultimately denounces a sad truth : there are children in Paris who have neither food nor a home. Plautus is a comedy playwriter ; he’s also known for his sharp pen, and his plays make fun of society’s many flaws. That’s why Hugo prefers him over Terence in this particular chapter.

I checked as many uses of the word homuncio as I could. It was… difficult, because the word is really rarely used, but it was enough to confirm that it’s definitely a negative word. Plautus can use it to mock ; Cicero uses it to pity. Both of them use it to denounce.

From here, I can only wonder if homuncio could, potentially, be a subtle way for Hugo to make the readers remember that the gamins too, belong to the Misérables of the human kind.