#i thought we left that crap behind in like 2012

[tatsumi-rin]

Never forget, kids: Reddit cryptobro dipshits will make you feel bad about all your hobbies always if you go back on there for the first time in ages and decide to say something nice about religious people in a mainstream sub and Tumblr holier-than-thou dipshits will always guilt trip you into trying to reblog graphic images of current wartime atrocities you are already entirely too aware of whilst posting them completely untagged

[jodilinbio]

Part 47

Written in 2012

2012 turned out to be one of our best years, though it came with significant losses. This time, it wasn’t about financial or material loss—it was about death. I find myself almost wondering who might be next.

On February 24th, my father passed away. Then, on September 23rd, my mother followed. On October 15th, my beloved Italian foster mom died, and on December 21st, my brother Larry succumbed to liver cancer.

We also lost two pet rats—first Tinkerboy, then a baby rat we’d adopted to keep Romeo, Tink’s replacement, company. Sugar has since joined us to fill Julien’s place.

In January, Nane and I reconciled and I’m in touch with her, others I’ve mentioned, as well as Becky and Maria from Valleyhead.

In the spring, Tom secured a new job with excellent pay and benefits, even though the hours are tough. With this stability, I was finally able to address my dental needs, getting cavities filled and a bridge to replace a tooth I’d lost back in Oregon.

June brought an unexpected shock: Kim proved to be worse than Molly in some ways. I’d known she was a bit odd and not particularly sharp, but I never anticipated she’d turn into a relentless stalker. Alison and I both cut ties with her. While she’s left Alison alone—likely because Alison has since joined the FBI—she continues to target me anonymously on a question-and-answer site.

Kim’s excessive behaviors and repetitive questions were always annoying, but what truly disturbed me was her lack of empathy and respect. Her fascination with celebrities and role-playing, something we were aware of, became problematic when she started impersonating celebrities on sites like Twitter. This was more than just fondness—it was an obsession. When confronted, she would immediately deny it, deactivate her account, and become highly defensive—a classic guilty reaction, as Aly observed.

Aly suspected that Kim was anonymously asking her rude and personal questions on the question site as well. When I realized Kim was likely behind it, based on her activity on the site, she reacted as she usually did when caught and called out: she blocked me on Facebook. I thought that would be the end of it, but I was wrong. Confronting her only caused her to follow and bully us everywhere.

If I’d known that confronting her would provoke this crap, I’d have quietly distanced myself as Aly did. I now see that the woman I once considered a friend held a hidden resentment toward me—and likely toward others as well. Gone are any feelings of sympathy for her and I can see why her older sister has custody of her. She likely has some form of retardation.

Kim has now resorted to pestering me under anonymity, reaching out not just as celebrities but as people Aly and I actually know. Though her questions are often harmless and casual, the fact that she won’t respect my requests to leave me alone is deeply troubling. It’s even more bothersome when she tries to contact Andy. He may not mind, but I do. I’ve had to keep my Facebook friends list hidden and restrict my profile to friends only for privacy so they don’t end up being harassed just for being connected to me.

Molly now lives in a group home and may have issues, but she’s only ever been Molly. Molly seldom contacts me and doesn’t hide behind anonymity.

After four years of dealing with Molly and seven months of Kim, I wonder how much longer this will continue. If Molly becomes problematic again, I could potentially report her to her group home. But with Kim, there’s no one to hold accountable except herself.

With my parents’ deaths came a newfound resentment toward them that surpasses anything I’ve ever felt. Their masks were stripped away, and the false “wealthy” image they tried so hard to project was exposed when it was discovered that my mother—likely without my father’s knowledge—had gone on a credit card spree in their final years. Maybe they were never truly wealthy, but they were quite comfortable most of their lives, and they could’ve done more to help me if they’d cared enough. When I saw photos of their beautiful condo, I felt more resentment than happiness for them. They lived well while my husband and I struggled in a rundown trailer, even though we worked as hard—if not harder—to get ahead.

When they rescued us from homelessness in 2007, I was immensely grateful, feeling almost as if I owed them my life despite their past treatment. But as time went on, I realized they hadn’t always been there for me when I truly needed them. Yes, they helped in 2007, but where were they when I needed rescuing from institutions like Brattleboro Retreat or Valleyhead? Or when I was living in poverty on disability and food stamps in the slums?

In the end, Dad’s heart gave out as we’d expected it might someday, and shortly afterward, my mother suffered a stroke and lost the will to live. They were both cremated, but I refused my mom’s ashes. I cried a little when Dad passed but didn’t shed a tear for Mom or Larry, nor will I ever.

Have you ever suddenly come to a realization about something? For years, I’d wondered whether she gave me up or if the State took me away. Then, out of the blue one day, the answer hit me as I thought back on my last morning at home before the State took over. She gave me up. That’s why she was so determined to get me up for school and out to the bus that morning, even though I insisted I didn’t feel well.

Once I got older, more mature, and able to see her for who she truly was, it all made sense. Her behavior aligned with everything I’d come to understand about her; after all, she never wanted me around to begin with.

Anyway, their vehicle, store, and condo were recently sold off, bit by bit. Despite their shortcomings, it was sad to see parts of their lives being sold one by one. I may receive a small inheritance, though nothing near what they’d led me to expect over the years. I’ve had my hopes dashed about money before, but this time will be the last.

I assumed I would drift away from my remaining family entirely after my parents’ deaths, but life doesn’t always go as expected. Surprisingly, Tammy and I have grown closer, and I now keep in touch with two of my four nieces.

Jennifer has allowed her father’s lies to keep her away, Lisa has some serious issues, and I have a nephew I don’t know or care to know. Only God knows how many children Larry fathered before he passed—he was a bit of a ladies’ man. He married a 21-year-old named Stefanie, and they had a son named Jason. Most would agree that 21 is too young to have a child and 58 is too old, but that was Larry for you—a great sense of humor and quite a character.

Tammy and I have always been different in many ways, but enduring the same abusive upbringing has created a bond between us. She’s let me vent and cry, and she and her husband, Mark, plan to visit us soon.

Even my extended family has reached out. I’m now connected with cousins Philip, Sharyn, Michelle, and Norma on Facebook. My Aunt Ruth, Uncle Ronnie, and other cousins still ignore me, but that’s okay. I only want people in my life who truly want to be there, and I only want to be part of the lives of those who want me in theirs.

The hardest loss was Anne’s, my Italian foster mom. Though I only stayed with her briefly when I was 16, she and her husband, Harry, left a permanent, treasured mark on my heart. They were the parents I never had but always wished for.

The way I discovered Mom’s passing was almost surreal. She popped into my mind out of the blue one day, and I was flooded with memories and dreams of my time with her. I tried searching for her, but it was as if she had disappeared. I hoped that since I couldn’t find an obituary, she must still be alive. Deep down, though, I think I knew otherwise.

Later, while studying Italian, I realized I’d been misspelling her maiden and married names. When I searched again, I found her obituary and burst into tears. I was too late. She had passed peacefully at 81, surrounded by family. It was a bittersweet comfort to know she hadn’t suffered, and I was surprised to learn Harry was still alive. Unsure if he had an online presence at his age, I decided to write him a letter.

I regret not staying in touch and not having the chance to say goodbye. But the night before I discovered her obituary, I had a strong feeling—could it have been her spirit saying goodbye? Was it a psychic moment, or just a strange coincidence? Even one of the rats acted out of character, leaping from my arms as if suddenly startled by something unseen. Who knows if he sensed something I couldn’t. This wasn’t the first time someone popped into mind that I soon discovered recently passed.

Aside from a possible unexpected onset of menopause (I’m over two weeks late), Tom and I are in good health and are excited to buy a mobile home in a 55+ community this year!

[axwalker]

Now and Then 4: Unrequited

I’m participating in @wackydrabbles and the prompt this week is # 45: “I don’t hate you” and will appear in bold.

Synopsis: Synopsis:   The story of Alexis’s and Drake’s friendship since they met when they were 10 years old until they become roommates after college. (AU)

In this chapter: Lexie tries to reconnect with her father while she deals with her feelings for Drake. 

Warning: Teen angst, A very bad father, Unrequited love. THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18

Word count: 1700 🙈

Tagging wacky drabblers: @texaskitten30​ @bebepac​ @pedudley​ @sirbeepsalot​ @burnsoslow​ @ravenpuff02​ @loveellamae​ @oofchoices​ @emceesynonymroll​

Permatag: @ac27dj​ @twinkle-320​ @kimmiedoo5​ @marshmallowsandfire​ @mskaneko​ @pug-bitch​ @princessleac1​

2012. (17 years old)

Drake parked the Jeep that he had spent all summer repairing in front of Lex's house. While he waited for her, he turned on the radio and raised the volume at AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long. On his rear mirror, he saw Lexie leaving her house with a cherry Pop-Tart in her mouth, and her backpack half-opened; she was tying up her hair in a messy bun as she approached his car.

"The alarm didn't sound again?" Drake asked teasingly when she got into the car.

"It did." She chewed the last bit of Pop-Tart. "I got in an argument with my mom. My dad wants to see me, but she doesn't want me to go."

Drake frowned. "Out of the blue? Isn't that a little weird?"

"It's for my birthday, Drake."

"Lex, your birthday was more than two weeks ago."

"He was busy. He said he tried to call me, but you know this thing never works," Lexie said, pointing at her old cellphone.

Call me, Maybe start playing on the radio. She smiled mischievously.

Drake rolled his eyes, "Don't you dare, Lex."

Lexie looked at him mockingly and raised the volume.

"Just don't do the dance, please don't do the dance," he pleaded, knowing that it was pointless.

"Do you mean this dance?" she grinned as she sang along with the radio, dancing and mimicking the song's dance moves with her hands.

"You're such a dork." Drake chuckled.  

Lexie laughed. "Come on, Walker, I know you want to too." She kept singing. "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy …" She threw Drake a mischievous look and pointed finger guns at him.

"… But here's my number, so call me maybe," Drake talked more than sang as he shook his head smiling. They both burst into laughter.

When the song ended, Drake lowered the volume and asked, "Are you going to see him?"

"My dad? Well … maybe …" She bit her lip.

He saw the gesture. "What?"

"I thought that maybe you could come with me?"

"Hard pass."

"Please, Drake! I really want to see him, but it's been a while. Plus, Cindy and Sean will be there too, they make me so nervous." Lexie grimaced at the thought of her stepmother and stepbrother.

Drake had never met George O'Brien. In their six years of friendship, Lexie's father had called her for her birthday a total of three times -always late- and she rarely saw him. Drake loathed the guy, but for some reason, Lexie was desperate to reconnect with him. Drake couldn't understand, if Bianca came back, he wouldn't even give her the time of day.

"If Elena doesn't want you to see him, she must have her reasons," Drake said as he parked the car.

"Dad was a crappy husband, but he loves me; he wants to have a relationship with me." She sighed. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, though."

Drake detected the hint of vulnerability in her voice. "Don't worry, Lex; I'll be there. When is it?"

"Tonight," Alexis replied as they walked to the school.

"Shit! I had a date with Haley."

The mention of Drake's girlfriend made Lexie nauseous. She had been unsuccessfully fighting her feelings for Drake for over a year. As much as she tried, she couldn't avoid the flip on her stomach when she saw him, or her heart racing every time he smiled at her.

"I know. I tried to change the day, but he refused."

"It's okay, Lex. I'll talk to Haley; I can always find ways to make it up to her later." Drake smiled.

"Eww! Disgusting, Walker”.  

"Drake!" Haley yelled with her sickly-sweet tone of voice

Alexis rolled her eyes. “And that's my cue to leave.”

“You could give her a chance, you know? She’s nice.”

“Right. See you at lunch?"

"Yeah.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the morning passed quickly. At lunch, Lexie threw a glance towards her regular table in the cafeteria. Liam, Olivia, and Max were talking while Haley and Drake were kissing each other. Alexis wondered if there ever came out for air. She was about to leave the cafeteria with an empty stomach when Max yelled her name.

Shit. Lexie waved back and sat next to Max across the two happy couples. She slammed her tray on the table, crashing it against Drake's.

"Is everything alright, Lexie?" Liam asked.

"Yeah," Lexie answered angrily.

Olivia and Max exchanged a look. They knew perfectly what the problem was.

"Penelope is having a party Sunday night. Would you like to come? She has a pool," Haley said, smiling.

"Sunday is GOT night, and we all watch it at Li's house, sorry," Lexie said dismissively.

Drake glared at her.

"You can come too; It's actually pretty fun," Liam invited Haley before Olivia could kick him under the table.

"What's GOT?" Haley asked.

Drake was about to answer, but Lexie beat him to it. "Are you serious? Game of Thrones. Best show ever," she replied, annoyed.

"Oh! I hate it!' Haley grimaced. "So much blood and killing. Totally a boy's show."

Lexie snapped at her, "I guess Liv and I didn't realize that we needed a penis to watch a TV show. Maybe, you can give us a list of the things girls are supposed to like." When she saw Haley blushing embarrassed, Lexie knew she had gone too far. She bit her lip, ashamed of herself.  

Drake shot her a furious look and stood up from the table. "Come on, Haley. We have Algebra in 10 minutes."

Oliva smirked. "Remind me not to piss you off."

"What? She was sexist!" Lexie defended herself.

"Right, that's why you scolded her, feminism," Maxwell laughed. “Nothing to do with Dr-” Max stopped talking when Lexie elbowed him. Liam didn’t know anything.

"Why do you dislike her so much?" Liam asked before finishing his cheeseburger.

"I don't. I have to go; I have class too." She left in a hurry. She was feeling angry and frustrated, specially with herself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After class, she ran to the locker rooms to change for Gym when she stumbled upon Haley.

"I was looking for you," Haley said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, Haley I have Gym like in five minutes," Lexie replied, trying to be more agreeable than she was at lunch.

"It's going to be fast. I just wanted to tell you that I'd like it if we could be friends. I know you hate me, but I think you're cool, and it would be best for Drake if we all got along."

Haley was a tall, green-eyed gorgeous blond. As if that wasn't threatening enough, she was kind and friendly too.

Lexie sighed. "I don't hate you. I'm sorry about this morning, that wasn't about you." Or not entirely.

"It's fine." Haley gave her a perfect smile. "I know Drake loves Game of Thrones. Would you explain it to me? So, I can watch it with him?"

Lexie suppressed her urge to roll her eyes. "You don't have to like it only because he does, you know?" Trying to make amends for her earlier behavior, she added, "but, if you want to, yeah, I'll explain it."

Haley almost jumped. "Thank you, Lex."

"Uhm, only Drake calls me Lex," she said but added apologetically, "but you can call me Lexie if you want though, all my friends do."

"Got it, thanks, Lexie. I better run; I have class too." Haley waved her god-bye.

Lexie was about to enter the gym when she got a text message from her father. It turned out that he couldn't have dinner that night, but he asked her to go to his lawyer's office and sign some papers related to her grandfather's inheritance next week. That was the real reason he wanted to see her, not to reconnect with her. Elena was right about him.

After typing a quick text to Drake telling him that he was free for his date, Lexie decided to skip Gym, she wasn't in the mood. She walked around for a while until she reached the football field. She sat on the stands with a framed photo of her father in her hands, she had planned to give it to him that night as a gift. In the picture, she was 8 years old and was looking at her father adoringly as they decorated a Christmas tree. Lexie hated to cry but couldn't help herself. Everything in her life was upside down. A father that didn't love her and a crush that would never be anything else. Lexie was well aware that Drake only saw her as his best friend.

"Lex," Drake said, startling her.

Lexie tried to wipe the tears off her face so he wouldn't see them. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a date."

"You're worried about Haley now?" He said, handing her a Coke, her comfort drink.

"Hey! I apologized!" Lexie exclaimed after taking a sip of the drink.

Drake chuckled. "Yeah, only because she went looking for you."

"Can we count this as a win? I apologized to one of your girlfriends, that's unheard of."

"You're so damn stubborn that yes; we'll count this as a win." He couldn't explain it, but Drake sort of liked how possessive Lexie was with him.

They sat in silence for a moment. Drake had seen her crying when he sat next to her, but he knew his best friend better than anyone, she needed a little space before talking about her problems.

After a while, he finally asked, "Are you okay, Lex?"

"Uh-huh," she replied.

"Lex, look at me."

Her big brown eyes looked up to him. Drake's heart tightened with her sadness. "He's not worth it. You know it, right?" He put his arm around her shoulders. “If he doesn’t appreciate to have a daughter like you, then he’s a piece of crap.”

"He's my dad. He's supposed to love me no matter what," Lexie cried despite herself. "If he doesn't, who will?"

"I'm always going to be here, Lex. No matter what."

She looked at him. "You say that now, but you will fall in love and forget all about me."

Drake raised her chin with his fingers, she almost melted when she met his deep gaze. "Never. No matter what happens you’ll always be my best friend Lex." He placed a friendly kiss on her forehead. "I swear.”

“Me too,” she answered sadly as she placed her head on his shoulder.

[hyungbean]

I’m Not Ready | Endgame

“Whatever It Takes”

One-Shot: Angst

Synopsis: Vormir always seemed like a nice place to die.

Pairing: Avengers X Younger!Reader

(Made little tweaks to the original plot of the movie)

flashback:

Helicarrier , 2012

Your POV:

“Look! It’s the star spangled man with a plan.”

Steve turned around rolling his eyes playfully. We had just captured Loki and after many failed attempts, beside from Natasha, to get information out of him, we let him be for a little. I had this terrible feeling that something wasn’t right. The god of mischief himself, giving himself up so easily, and well— not being mischievous? I can’t do math and I know that none of this adds up. But according to Bruce his mind is a bag of cats and you could practically, “smell crazy on him” so we just left the subject alone.

“Y/N.” The captain smiled at me. We were now currently walking down some hallways probably making our way to the lab to see Bruce and Tony. Steve and I had met only hours ago, but I felt a sense of trust towards him.

“Are you nervous?” The captain stopped in his tracks when hearing my sudden question and turned to me.

“For what?”

“The fight. Loki still has an army behind him, it’s inevitable really.”

“I’m not quite sure actually, you?” I smile but it falters a little. “Yeah... yeah actually. I know that I’m a lot younger than you guys and have a lot less experience. I just— I- I’m afraid of dying. Just like the thought of game over, boom, it’s done— terrifies the living crap out of me Cap. I don’t like not knowing what happens after this life. Not being in control and never waking up. It’s horrifying.” I look up at Steve with tears collecting in my waterline. After a moment Steve sighs in understanding before enveloping me in a tight hug, much to my shock.

I didn’t know it at the time, but after my little outburst, Steve swore to himself to always look over me.

flashback:

Battle Of Sokovia, 2015

Your POV:

“Agent L/N is down, I’m taking her to the quinjet. Does anyone copy?”

I faintly hear Clint yell into his earpiece. The battle was over for the most part and the people had evacuated to safety jets. Clint had ran back to a fallen market after seeing a child still scrambling out of the rubble, his mother screaming hysterically on the jet. Pietro and I had seen it before the Hawkeye, bullets pelting the ground harshly. Before Pietro could act I teleported in front of the two and put up a force field to shield us. Unluckily for me, two stray bullets managed to lodge themselves right in my shoulder and abdomen.

As of now, a frantic Clint and Pietro were scrambling towards the quinjet while I was most likely bleeding out.

“You didn’t see that coming huh old man?” I stole Pietro’s classic line but all I earned were two bewildered looks from the men. I scoffed, “jeez tough crowd”.

The adrenaline prevented me from feeling the immense pain I should probably be in. Which I hadn’t realized until after because I was probably a little delirious at the time. Once we made it to safety, Clint laid me on a bench and I let out a loud yelp as the sudden pain shot through every vein in my body. Burning like hot coals, the stinging traveled straight to the bleeding wounds.

“Holy shit! Oh my god.” I nearly screamed as Pietro clumsily ran to look for medical assistance. Clint stayed by my side, gripping my hand, “hey kid you’re going to be okay. Just don’t close your eyes.”

At this point, I was bawling my eyes out and letting whimpers past my lips.

“Oh my god. I’m dying. Clint. Please, I don’t want to go. I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready.” I frantically spit out, squeezing his hand hard, vision blurry with tears.

The pain became overwhelming and I let out one more strangled cry before letting the darkness consume me.

Present:

Vormir, 2018

Third person

Natasha, Clint and Y/N made their way up to where the soul stone was supposedly at. Vormir was a beautiful planet, although under such circumstances, it made the venture all the less exciting. Y/N had been on Titan with Tony, Strange, Peter and the galaxy gang when Thanos decided to throw a moon at the beloved man of iron. She had also witnessed Strange giving up the time stone to Thanos.

After the decimation she remained with Tony and Nebula for who knows how long, before being rescued by the flying space woman— or in other words, Captain Marvel.

Now the remaining avengers split up in teams to go through with their time heist, to undo the decimation that ruined their lives five years ago. Being in space with Nebula for so long, Y/N learned of the price that had to be paid in order to retrieve the soul stone.

One of them would not be coming out of this alive.

Y/N blanked out after meeting the floating red skull guy, the supposed keeper of the soul stone. It has been some time and Natasha and Clint paced around, in denial about the price of the stone.

Y/N was standing to the side, quietly talking to herself, looking down at her transporter and a watch. She turned around to Clint and Nat sharing a moment, foreheads together and hands clasped in each other’s. And then suddenly it happened, the pair breaks out in a fight, momentarily forgetting the young girl watching with cautious eyes a few feet away.

Y/N furrowed her brows, understanding what they were doing. They were fighting over who would get to die.

It happened so fast. One constantly stopping the other before they could reach the edge. Suddenly as Clint launched himself over the cliff, Nat followed after, a cry ripped itself from Y/N’s throat. Y/N teleported to the edge, looking down to see the crying pair, dangling from the cliff. This was it.

“Don’t worry, I’m ready now.”

The pair looked up confused, eyes widening as realization dawns on them.”

“Y/N NO-“

Suddenly, Y/N launches herself off the cliff, locking eyes with Nat and then Clint. Air swishing through her hair. Limbs tense as she plummets to certain doom.

‘It’s okay.’

Avengers Facility, 2023

“Where’s Y/N?” A tearful Black Widow and Hawkeye stood before the team, shaking from the near death experience and losing their best friend. Before either could answer they were interrupted.

‘Hey. It’s Y/N-“ Y/N’s voice suddenly rang out from the computer behind the team.

“We’re currently on Vormir. Hopefully this worked and I’m not just talking to my wrist...I know the price that we have to pay to get the soul stone, Nebula wasn’t exactly discreet about it. And for the first time I feel empowered to do what I’m going to do. Like this was my destiny, the whole reason why I wasn’t decimated all those years ago. I realized after the decimation that I can’t be forever afraid of something so much bigger than me—death. And I realized that I’m much more terrified of having one of you guys die, than me. I know we don’t trade lives Cap. But what choice do we have? But trust me, It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay, because we’re the god damn avengers... So now what, are you all going to stand around or are we gonna end this thing? “

[savannahsdrabbles]

Ocean Song - Part Three

rating: PG summary: Marine biology student April O’Neil makes a startling discovery.

notes: An AU originally based off of the 2012 TMNT universe, but can be compatible with most versions of the characters. <3 2k words. A03 link can be found here. Also special thanks to @cloakedrabbit and @starfiretheninja for beta-reading!

“Oh my gosh.” April cleared the space between them in two steps and fell to her knees before the cage. “He can talk – you can talk!”

The creature lurched backwards as April drew near, eyes shining with pent up tears of fear and frustration. His entire frame trembled as he spoke again in a slow, raspy voice, still anxiously glancing back and forth between April and Casey. “Need out NOW. Need help – Small Brother trouble – not know where- hurt hurt - need out out out!” At the last three words, the turtle slammed his open palms against the glass again and then resumed squawking and crying out.

April placed her open palms on the glass and turned back to Casey, eyes wide. “Tell me that I wasn’t the only one who heard that.”

Casey drug both hands roughly through his hair as he rapidly shook his head. “Holy crap.”

Turning back to the turtle, April knocked on the glass again to catch his attention. The turtle was still hammering at the walls and letting out distressed screeches that made April want to clamp her hands over her ears. When he didn’t acknowledge her, the redhead chose to raise her voice and call over the noise. “’Small Brother’ – was that the other turtle I saw with you?”

Mentioning the name did the job – the turtle instantly snapped to attention and placed his own palms on the glass, eyes furrowed into an expression of startling ferocity. The claws on each hand suddenly seemed much larger when they were less than an inch away from her own. “Small Brother – where?”

April saw Casey’s reflection in the glass, his body tensed in anticipation of the creature lashing out again. “Small Brother is still out there - in the ocean. I don’t think any of the other scientists saw him.”

The turtle huffed in relief, eyes closing for a moment as his shoulders lost some of the tension they had been holding. “Brother safe. Brother safe. Good.”

The three sat in relative silence for a moment, the only sound in the room being their heavy breathing and the low whoosh of water and air being pushed through the pipes overhead.

“What the heck are we supposed to do?” the teenage boy finally muttered as he stepped forward and sunk to the floor beside April. The turtle drew back warily at his approach, but made no move to start screaming again.

“I- I don’t know.” April waved her hands uselessly. Her mind was still reeling with shock over the new development. “I don’t even know what he is at this point – there’s no procedure for this.”

“Should we tell your dad?” Casey fidgeted with the string of his hoodie and scuffed a sneaker on the linoleum, still staring at the turtle. The turtle blinked back at him and wrinkled its snout. It took April a moment to realize that not only was he listening to them, but he was comprehending what was being said, at least to a large degree.

April tried to imagine explaining the situation to her dad and the other scientists. Instantly, an image of the turtle screaming in terror as it was strapped onto an exam table and prepped for dissection entered her mind. She shook the thought aside. “I don’t think we can. Not without it leading to him…” She allowed her voice to trail off as Casey nodded in silent understanding. They watched as the turtle tensed, as if it understood their tones.

With a pitiful whine, the turtle rapped on the glass again and whimpered in such a way that sent a dagger through the teenagers’ hearts. “Need help. Need out.”

Casey suddenly leapt to his feet, causing both of his companions to jump in surprise. “You know what? Screw procedures.”

“What - ?”

The teenage boy turned to look April in the eye as she rose to her own feet, one hand still placed on the glass. His expression was filled with the same fierce determination that April had seen many times right before Casey had leapt into an argument. “This thing obviously has a family – a brother, at that! – and doesn’t deserve to be trapped like a freaking animal. I mean – yeah, he’s an animal – but it’s just not freaking right!”

“Casey –”

“- He deserves to be back with his family! And I’m sorry April, but if you disagree –”

“But I agree with you!” The girl snapped back, earning a look of surprise. April glanced back down at the cage, where the turtle had started breathing heavily again in anticipation and was looking back and forth between them. “Heck, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re right. I don’t care what this will do to research- he needs to be back in the ocean. It’s just not right to keep him here.”

As if on cue, several things suddenly happened at once. The lights above the door to the exam room began pulsing with a muted orange glow, causing the turtle to let out a cry of sudden agitation. Energy renewed, he leapt back at the glass and strained against the chain on his leg, eyes full of fear as he stared pleadingly at the humans. Then there was a loud click, and a hissing sound filled the room. Casey and April both took a step back, fists clenched and shoulders tensed as a clear gas began to fill the tank. Within a minute, the turtle’s whining was silenced and he sank back to the sand, eyes shut and breathing beginning to slow.

April pivoted on her heel as the gas clicked off and the lights returned to normal, her teeth clenched in anger. “C’mon, Casey. Let’s go find my dad.”

***

Of two things in his life was Doctor Kirby James O’Neil proud – his beautiful daughter, and his ability to negotiate. The pride of neither, however, could quell the rising headache that surged behind his eyes as he placed the phone back on its receiver and reached for his coffee mug. Discussions with the Board always left him feeling drained and in need of caffeine.

He raised the almost empty tin to his lips, mentally making a note to bring a second mug to work the next day, and was just beginning to take a sip when the door to his office slammed open and April raced in, closely followed by a gangly teenage boy who looked more out of place in the research building than a fish out of water. Dr. O’Neil lowered his mug automatically, his eyes moving to check the clock on the wall before he stood and moved around the desk.

“April, honey – I was just starting to wonder whether the school bus was running late.” The man smiled warmly and extended his hand towards the boy. “And am I right to believe that you are Casey Jones? April told me that she was doing homework with one of her classmates recently. It’s nice to finally have a face to put with the name.”

“Uh, yeah. You too, sir.” Casey shot a quick glance at April, brows furrowed as the two seemed to have a mental conversation, and then reached out to receive Dr. O’Neil’s outstretched hand. “We actually wanted to come talk to you about some stuff you’re doing.”

“I’m sorry?” Kirby cocked an eyebrow at this and turned to April.

“It’s about the turtle, Dad,” the girl explained. It was then that Kirby finally took a good look at his daughter. The girl’s cheeks were flushed from running, and she was trembling ever so slightly as an electric energy pulsed behind her blue eyes. “And yes, Casey knows about it.”

Dr. O’Neil raised his eyebrows in surprise and took a step back to lean against his desk. When April was this worked up, the safest procedure was to back away and allow the storm to pass. “Ok. Also, I would have preferred that you not leak information – no offense to you, lad. Is everything alright? Or wait – is it about your injuries? I was afraid that you might over-exert yourself today.” The man paused, and then turned to grab the manila file that still laid in the center of his desk, opened from the phone call. “Which reminds me – I need to make a mark on the file about the incident before I fax everything out.”

April rapidly shook her head and threw another side glance at Casey. The boy was dancing from one foot to the other, obviously itching to speak, but waiting for April to finish. “No no, I’m fine, but – wait – what? What are you faxing?”

“The turtle’s file, of course,” Dr. O’Neil tapped the folder excitedly. “I suppose April has explained the basics of the case to you, Casey. Well, we took blood samples this morning, and the creature’s biological DNA almost perfectly matches that of an average loggerhead sea turtle – which is clearly not what you would expect upon observing it, right? Upon closer inspection, however, we were then able to see that there were varied sequences of genetic code that had been mutated– as if this creature were once an average turtle and then something external happened to it that managed to permanently alter its very DNA!”

“But – what could do that?” April’s hands were still balled into fists, but her shoulders lowered slightly as she cocked her head in confusion. “That doesn’t make any sense.” Casey nodded half-heartedly from behind her and offered a small ‘it doesn’t?’.

“That’s what’s so remarkable – it shouldn’t be possible for something to change DNA! It would be one thing if the turtle had been born with a mutation in its DNA that caused it to develop like this, but based on what we saw there was a specific moment – likely very early on in life or perhaps while still in its incubation stage – that traumatically and dramatically changed it!” Dr. O’Neil waved his free hand wildly as he spoke, making gestures that Casey immediately recognized as being something April would do. “Whatever happened, it’s clear that this creature is truly one of a kind! I told the Board of our findings, and they ordered that we transfer the turtle to their main base immediately for further examination and dissection. Apparently they have several scientists in the head department who specialize in bizarre cases of this sort, so they were highly interested in the acquisition. Right now they’re currently negotiating a sum to pay for Hamato Laboratory’s discovery and handling of the subject.”

“They’re going to dissect him?” Casey’s voice was thin and angry when he spoke again, though Mr. O’Neil seemed too excited by the topic to notice. Even so, April elbowed him sharply and the teenage boy quickly closed his mouth, though it was obvious that he was still mentally fuming.

“Of course. This is clearly a large moment in marine biology – if something occurred to make the creature like this, we have to know what caused it in order to prevent the same thing from happening to other innocent creatures.”

“When are they moving him?” April suddenly interjected with a tight smile. “I had… hoped that they were going to be handling that here. I wanted to watch the procedure.”

Dr. O’Neil hesitated in his answer, staring curiously between his daughter and the boy at her side. “The Board seemed really eager to get started, so I’d imagine a transport is likely already on its way. If they don’t stop for the evening, I’d assume they’ll arrive around midnight.”

April’s smile tightened, but she forced an accepting nod and wave. “Man, that sucks. Okay. Well, we’re heading to the library now – got a big test tomorrow. See you at dinner. Bye, Dad!” Without another word, the girl suddenly grabbed Casey tightly by the arm and dragged the struggling boy out the door.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. O’Neil!” Casey called out as the two disappeared.

“Err, you too, son!” Kirby stood unmoving, suddenly alone in his office and pondering the meaning of what had just happened. He briefly considered calling April’s cell phone and asking what in the world was going on, until the desk set flashed the Board’s caller ID and began to ring again. With a tired sigh, the man sank back into his chair and reached for his empty coffee mug.

Next Part!

[darriness]

Ranking Professionally Record Darren Songs!

Absolutely no one asked me to do this but I felt compelled to do a personal ranking of all the songs Darren has professionally recorded and released. For the sake of my sanity I left out any song that is ‘in character’ so there are no Blaine songs and there are no songs from any of the Starkid shows (Not Alone is there but it doesn’t REALLY count as a Starkid song anymore in my opinion). I also left out the Christmas song he did with Lea because...it’s not Christmas and he was more backup for her than anything else.

To qualify for this list the song had to be professionally recorded (not live), sung at least in part by Darren, and not been a song performed as a character.

Some songs I added a favourite line for but only if I felt compelled to do so (I didn’t make up what line was my favourite just to have one for each song) and I didn’t include a favourite line if the song was a cover.

Did I forget some songs? PROBABLY. But it was fun either way. So now, without further ado: my completely unprofessional, personal rankings of Darren’s professionally recorded music from worst to best.

21. Sami

Human EP (2010)

Sorry for those of you who like this song but it is by far my least favourite Darren song. It BORES me. Also, who is this Sami? I feel like after all this time I should know why he wrote this song…wait, this was the song he wrote for AVPM and he changed it from Ginny to Sam,i wasn’t it? Why Sami though? Because it rhymed with Ginny? Did he know a Sami? I feel like there needs to be more of a story to that one that I don’t know but yeah…this song just bores the crap out of me. I don’t even have a favourite line lol.

20. I Dreamed A Dream

Independent Elsie Fest Release (2017)

Homework EP (2017)

This one is…fine. I think I liked it a lot more before he ‘cheated us’ out of a new song on his Homework EP and just added another recording of this song which he had already released a recorded version of. This song is fine, he does a fine job of it, and I like the fact that he said when this song comes on the radio it’s a good day for his mom and Mia. But I just can’t really get behind it.

19. The Joker/Sweater Song

Scary Pockets (2018)

He looks drop dead gorgeous in this video but I just don’t…get this song. I usually skip past this one when it comes on my shuffle. I probably wouldn’t be so fast to skip past it if I could watch the video every time lol.

18. New Morning

Chimes of Freedom (2012)

I like that he did this one with Chuck. I like the video. I’m just sort of meh about the song itself. I have never been a Bob Dylan fan so that could be why.

17. Wonderwall

Scary Pockets (2017)

I’m actually surprised how low this song is on the list. I actually love this song but when compared to the ones I put above it, it’s just a song. He sang it well, the original song is a classic, the arrangement is pretty good, and he looked adorkably hot in the video but it doesn’t really stick with me as an amazing song when compared to some of the others on the list.

16. The Day That The Dance Is Over

Homework EP (2017)

I WANT to like this song more than I do. I think maybe I’m missing something but it just never…lands with me as well as I want it to. It’s good, well written, and he sings it well it’s just not one I go out of my way to listen to (I usually skip past it actually). I do love the live version from the Teragram show where he forgets the beginning and has to ask Chuck though (also the very very beginning of that version is one of my two favourite ‘fan’ moments where a girl sighs ‘I can’t’ all emotionally lol). Much like Sami, I don’t really have a favourite line in this song.

15. We Like It

Lost Boys Life (2017)

Meh. It’s not fast enough to be a dance song but it’s not slow enough to be a ballad. It’s a weird in-between kind of song that always confuses me a little bit and then makes me angry because songs shouldn’t confuse people so much for those reasons lol. It’s okay, I don’t HATE it, I just don’t really LIKE it either. No favourite line here!

14. I Still Think..

Little White Lie (2009)

So I know I wasn’t going to put in any character or show songs but I feel like this one has become enough of a ‘Darren’ song for me that it counts. I really like this song and it’s got a nonsensical quality to the lyrics that is pleasing to the brain but it’s not as complicated or as well done as some of the song higher on my list in my opinion.

Favourite Line: “It’s okay though, the jokes on the television make me laugh.” (only because when he sings it live he usually goes ‘HA!’ after this line lol)

13. Lost Boys Life

Lost Boys Life (2017)

I struggled with where to put this one, because while I feel like it’s a better song than We Like It, I still don’t think it’s a great song. Turns out I don’t have the greatest love for Computer Games music (this is news to me! lol). Nothing really more to say about this song except no favourite line here!

12. Human

Human EP (2010)

I love this song and while it’s admirable that he wrote it when he was like 15, it’s too… simple to be higher up on the list. It’s cute and well written and nostalgic but it doesn’t really have any WOW factor.

Favourite Line: “I feel like an artist whose lost his touch” (because I love how he plays that line live)

11. Dress and Tie

Dress and Tie (2011)

This song is my jam when it comes on my shuffle but it’s also one I forget about CONSTANTLY. When it comes on my shuffle I am always surprised it’s a thing. That’s mostly why it’s as low as it is on the list. Because otherwise I really like the lyrics, the video (the SMILE?!), and it’s got a good groove to it. I just…forget about it all the time.

Favourite Line: “No, I haven’t known you for a lifetime but somehow I’ve never been more sure that you’re for me. Baby, please, don’t, don’t leave just come and dance with me tonight.”

10. Don’t You

Human EP (2010)

We’re in the top ten! I feel like this song is a simpler version of I Don’t Mind. Maybe because they both have ‘don’t’ in the title? I don’t know lol But either way, this song is cute and makes me smile. It doesn’t have a really big impact or leave you feeling any large emotions but it does make me smile every time I hear it. Side note: It’s not my favourite line but every time I sing along and get to ‘Sure…I’ll admit that I’m…’ I ALWAYS sing ‘a whore’ at the end even though the actual line is ‘the same’. With the way he says ‘sure’ it just feel like ‘whore’ should be the end of the line *shrug*

Favourite Line : “The sun. Telling me the night is done. Well I refuse to let it stop our fun. Close your eyes, we’ll make it dark again.”

9. Every Single Night

Lost Boys Life (2017)

It’s fun, it’s danceable, it’s a bop! I like that there is a ‘dance’ for the chorus and I think the video is fun and adorable. This song makes me happy, makes me smile, but it’s not the most impressive song I’ve ever heard in my life. It serves a purpose but that purpose is really just to allow me to bop my head, do that stupid dance at the chorus, and picture Darren in those colourful turtlenecks lol. I also think it’s funny that while shooting this video he had to leave and get tested for what duct tape would be best to wrap around his head for ACS. No favourite line here!

8. Going Nowhere

Homework EP (2017)

This song is…soothing. That's the best word I can think to describe it. It calms me down to listen to it. It doesn’t wow me or demand I listen to it, but it’s pleasant and sweet and relaxing to listen to. It’s…nice.

Favourite Line: “Another October, I’m sorry I know you’re, expecting a less than sober call” (It just…rolls off the tongue even though it’s not a happy line)

7. Crash Into Me

Crash Into Me (2019)

I really really like this version of this song. I love the drop and the danceability. I spend a lot of time listening to this song jumping around. This song suffers for me in the live performance of it. Darren’s never really been able to sing it live and while I love him…he’s not really an EDM type in my brain so he always seems out of place. But the recorded version is awesome.

6. Dancing In The Dark

Scary Pockets (2019)

I’m pretty sure I love this version more than the original. It’s got such a good groove to it and I love his deep voice and the WOO he does in the middle and then at the end? LOVE. I know he didn’t write it and probably had very little to nothing to do with arranging it, but I love his vocals on this and I adore this version of this song. I also thought the video was fun.

5. Jealousy

Human EP (2010)

This is my favourite song off his Human EP (besides Not Alone but I feel like that is in a different category now). I love the lyrics and it’s just…pleasing to listen to. There are a lot of ‘ee’ sounding rhymes and I appreciate that lol I don’t really have much to say about this one except I love when he does it live and you get to play the ‘will he go up for the ‘the bitch just keeps telling me no’ line or not?’ game.

Favourite Line: “Now let’s be real I feel just like a child, man, someone could be takin’ all my toys. So call me dumb, call me wild, see that’s the thing with little boys.”

4. One Fine Day

Independent Elsie Fest Release (2018)

So his version of this song is better than the original. I will fight anyone who disagrees lol It’s got such a good vibe, the video is so fucking hot (he’s just standing their playing his guitar…WHY IS IT SO HOT?!) and the guitar solo is just…yeah *chef’s kiss* I also ADORE that he doesn’t change the gender in the song (a fact that still confuses and doesn’t sit right with my mother no matter how many times she listens to it). This version is definitely a winner.

3. Not Alone

Human EP (2010)

Not Alone (2015)

Classic Darren. This song will always hold a special place in my heart because it’s the song I sing to my oldest nephew whenever I get to put him to bed. It’s got a great message and received the star treatment to become a fully realized recorded version (though I do love the original Human EP version as well). It gets this spot on my list because it’s just around ALL THE TIME lol It’s a go to for him, kinda like Teenage Dream, and while it’s good to lean into what works, I gave higher spots to the ones I love that aren’t so overdone.

Favourite Line: “And nothing’s ever gonna bring us down cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it’s true.”

2. Foolish Thing

Homework EP (2017)

I MUCH prefer this song live so it suffers a little because it’s recorded version lets me down. When this EP came out I was SO excited for this song but then it got a little clunky (with the random clang of ‘pots and pans’ at one point) and strange (with the children singing backup). That being said, I am SUCH a fan of the lyrics in this song. They’re nonsensical in a way that really works for me (like I Still Think but better!) Also you can never go wrong with horns I feel!

Favourite Line: “But a prince in distress needs a damsel to test what he always feared”

1. I Don’t Mind

Homework Ep (2017)

This song just makes me so fucking happy. I love how jaunty the guitar is with the picking, I love the swell of the string instruments (string instruments in songs are ALWAYS awesome), I love the video (short hair for the win! And I love that he shot it in their house at the time), I love the lyrics, I love the message. There is nothing about this song I don’t love.

Favourite Line: “Babe it ain’t no thing, that viper venom sting. Cause even if it got your goat well I’d kiss you with the antidote.”

So there you have it! Do you agree with my choices? Let me know :)

[samclownchester]

I’m Not Sorry

Read on AO3

Listen, Dean has done a lot of problematic stuff they've never discussed on the show (or they have discussed but it was in a very biased and unfair way) and we all complain about it and I just wanted to write Sam finally standing up for himself and Dean finally owning up to the crap he's done so ... I hope it's as therapeutic for you to read as it was for me to write!

“Dean, we need to talk,” Sam said, sliding into the seat across from Dean at the kitchen table. Dean looked up from his breakfast, surprised, and the egg on his fork slowly slid off and flopped back onto his plate. 

“Um, good morning to you too,” he said, disgruntled.

“I’ve been talking to Eileen about … our lives,” Sam said without preamble, “And I’ve realized a few things. Things that I wanted to make clear,”he was doing his best to talk in a level tone. The last thing he wanted to do was start an argument, but he had realized that a lot of things had gone undealt with between them, and he wanted … no, needed to clear the air. At least for a few specific things.

Dean set his fork down and shrugged, giving Sam permission to say whatever was on his mind. 

“I’m not sorry,” he started, and though a part of him was a little afraid of Dean’s reaction, he also felt relieved to be saying it, “about what happened in 2012.” Dean just looked at him with wide eyes, and Sam couldn’t tell if he was surprised by what Sam was saying, or just shocked he would interrupt his breakfast over something that had happened so long ago. “I mean, I wish you hadn’t gone through purgatory, and I do … I do regret not looking for Kevin but … I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for getting a dog, for falling in love, for trying to move on after I thought you had died, like we had promised each other we would. I don’t apologize for that.”

Dean didn’t respond for a moment, just stared at Sam, his expression unreadable. “Let me get this straight,” he said, “you were talking to Eileen about this girl you were … with, almost 10 years ago and … what? Sammy, come on…”

“Don’t.” Sam said seriously, giving Dean a level look, “don’t try and make light of this, don’t just brush it off. Dean,” he heaved a sigh, “look, you’re my brother and I love you, I do, but … we’ve been through a lot of crap together, and you have put me through a lot of crap, and we need to talk about it.”

Dean stared hard at him, but when Sam didn’t break away from his gaze he finally relented, “ok, fine. Fine. So you’re not sorry. You’re not sorry I spent what felt like eternity rotting in a world of monsters. That’s great Sam, just what I wanted to hear when I woke up this morning,” he stood up, picking up his plate and heading toward the sink. Evidently, he no longer had an appetite.

“That’s not what I said, Dean,” Sam turned to continue facing Dean as he maneuvered around the kitchen. “It’s not like I’m happy you went to Purgatory, and I know that it was very traumatic for you, and I understand that you were angry and hurt when you got out, but I did not deserve all the guilt you threw on me. I did what I thought was right, I mourned you, Dean. I thought you were dead for good.”

Sam sighed deeply, “Yes, Dean, the future matters, but the past does too. It’s made us into who we are, and … sure, we kickass but we also –”

“Yeah, except that’s not what we do!” Dean yelled, “we don’t just give up on each other,” and Sam felt like they’d transported themselves back in time. A part of him regretted bringing this up; wanted to curl up into a ball, tell Dean he was right, apologize, go back to his room and leave things as they were. But he’d realized that how unhealthy that was, and he fought against that instinct.

He reminded himself that it was the present. That Dean had been out of purgatory for years and a lot had changed. “What about when Cas died,” he asked, trying his best not to raise his voice. He didn’t want this to be an attack, just a counterargument, although he worried Dean would get defensive either way, “by some miracle we got him back, but you didn’t want to try anything to bring him back. You burned his body. You gave up. You mourned. Did that mean you cared any less about him? No, you just didn’t know how to save him.”

Surprisingly, Dean’s anger seemed to lower to a quiet simmer. He set his jaw, taking a deep breath. “Ok,” he said, “I’m – I shouldn’t have yelled. This is an old argument anyway. Things’ve changed; we’ve changed. Listen, I don’t – I know you’ll have my back in the future, that’s what matters.”

He cut off, not sure if it was wise to say. An observation Eileen had made about how their family seemed to work that had left him feeling a little unsettled, especially because it was so true. 

“What, Sam?” Dean asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. He seemed completely done with this conversation, but he wasn’t leaving. 

Sam sighed, “You and I – and hell, even Cas – have been stuck in this loop for years now. With you as the moral authority on everything, you always have the last say. But, I’m sick of apologizing. I’m sick of putting my head down and letting you have your way.”

“Sam, what the hell are you talking about?” Dean exclaimed, “I listen to you!”

“Yeah, when it suits you,” Sam shot back

“And you’re your own person, anyway, you can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah, and I do,” Sam said, “but if it’s not what you want, I usually have to do it behind your back.”

“Ok, so now you’re blaming me for the fact that you’re a liar?”

“Dean, would you stop!?” Sam yelled, “I’m trying … I’m trying to get you to own up to the fact that you have hurt me! Ok?” Dean turned away but Sam had a feeling he was rolling his eyes, “I mean, yeah, you took care of me, you’ve protected me, you’ve always been there for me, and I’m grateful, I am!” he said, although he sounded anything but grateful, “but you’ve also hurt me. I mean … ever since … and I know this was ages ago but it’s seared into my memory; that voicemail you left me, right before I went to kill Lillith. You called me a bloodsucking freak and told me you were on your way to kill me … I think, ever since then I’ve been … afraid,” Dean turned around again, his eyes wide, “afraid of you … seeing me that way. So I just … I apologize, I let you be right –”

“No, hold up,” Dean said, cutting Sam off with a gesture. He was looking at Sam like he had been speaking a foreign language, “I never said that.”

Sam shook his head, exasperated, “Dean, you might not remember, I know you probably weren’t thinking straight – God knows I wasn’t – but it happened, ok. I know it did.”

“No,” Dean insisted, “I do remember, I left you a voice mail. I did, but that was not what I said.”

Sam looked at his brother incredulously, “Dean, are you seriously trying to gaslight me right now?” he said with an ironic laugh, “that is … you’re unbelievable.”

“No,” Dean advanced on Sam, “that’s not – I mean I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I was on my way to save you. I never would’ve even thought that killing you was the answer … I just, I – I couldn’t.”

But Dean cut him off, “No, shut up Sam,” he said, “You’re right, ok? You’re right. I have put you through some real crap. I have said horrible things to you, and the whole situation with Gadreel … I didn’t think. I didn’t … I didn’t know what it was like to be possessed, to lose your autonomy like that I …” his voice caught in his throat. Sam felt sucker punched. He hadn’t been ready to talk about Gadreel, that was something he tried desperately not to think about, but he saw tears forming in Dean’s eyes, “And after Charlie died? I was … the Mark was messing with me Sam, but that’s no excuse. What I said? I didn’t mean it. And I know, ok? I know I have a lot to apologize for. And I am … sorry, I am,” he took a deep breath, he wasn’t letting Sam get a word in edgewise, but this all seemed like it was very hard for him to admit, “I always think that people will just – that they’ll just get it, y’know? That they can see that I’m sorry, I try to … make up for stuff without having a conversation, but … you’re right. We need to talk about this. We can’t just forget about it.”

Dean seemed so convinced he was telling the truth, but Sam couldn’t accept it. This was one of those memories that, despite the years that had passed, despite everything else they had gone through, remained clearly stamped in his mind. It was the day he realized Dean’s love was a conditional one. He knew Dean would go to the ends of the earth for him, but deep down he always wondered … where was the line? What were the conditions which, once he failed to fulfill them, would make him lose the only thing that had every really mattered to him?

“You know what Dean, maybe this was a mistake,” Sam said, “we just don’t … I shouldn’t have sprung this on you first thing in the morning,” he hated himself for saying it, for crawling back into his shell, trying to placate Dean, to keep the peace in their little family. 

Now it was Sam’s turn to stare in shock. Dean was looking down somberly, obviously trying to fight down a well of emotion. He slowly raised his eyes to meet Sam’s. 

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” he said earnestly, “I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry that I blamed you for things that weren’t your fault, I’m sorry that … that I scare you sometimes. I’m sorry that I still act like Dad. And you don’t have to forgive me, not for everything, not right away.”

Sam breathed out, he felt a weight lifting off his chest. For so long he had been carrying guilt that didn’t belong to him and finally he was starting to feel like he had permission to let it go.

“But Sam,” Dean continued, “I was never going to give up on you. I don’t know what happened to that voicemail, but I need you to believe me. You’re my brother, and there’s nothing you could ever do to change that. There is no line, no conditions, I have your back. Always.”  

And, for some reason, Sam started to believe him. He knew the extents to which their lives could be manipulated, he knew how desperately Heaven and Hell had wanted him to break that seal. Maybe someone had changed the recording somehow, meaning to push him over the edge. Whatever had happened, Dean was adamant that he hadn’t said what Sam remembered. There was no final straw. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Sam said, because he wasn’t going to say, “it’s alright,” because it still wasn’t. And he wasn’t going to say “I forgive you” because … there was a lot to forgive. But this was an important step. 

Dean nodded in understanding. They stood in silence for a moment, neither knowing quite what to say, then Dean turned to leave. 

“Listen, Dean,” Sam said hesitantly, “I think it would be … healthy for us to take some time away from each other. Nothing permanent but just … a break.”

Dean pursed his lips and Sam was worried he would reject the idea, but he just said, “yeah, yeah I think you’re right.”

Sam sighed in relief, “Um… Eileen and I can take off for a bit –”

“No,” Dean said, “No, you stay here with Jack.” Sam met his gaze and Dean quickly added, “I mean … if you don’t mind. It’s just … Cas and I have a few things we should probably discuss and I … I’m trying not to shout so much in front of the kid.” He looked chagrined, probably because of all the shouting he’d just done, which had likely been heard by everyone in the bunker. 

Sam smiled a little bit, glad that Dean was trying to be less authoritative, and at the thought of Dean and Cas starting to unravel their own messy history. With the help of Eileen’s outside perspective, Sam had really started seeing all the unhealthy patterns they’d been caught up in. 

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” he said, “lets run it by Eileen and Cas and see how everyone feels.”

“Great,” Dean said, “I’m just gonna –” he started heading toward the hallway, likely to his room, but he paused, “I really am sorry, Sam.”

Sam nodded in response, “I know that now Dean, I believe you.”

Dean looked like he might have more to say, then thought better of it, responded with a nod of his own, and left Sam standing in the kitchen. 

Although the conversation had been … turbulent, to say the least, Sam felt good. They certainly hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, and obviously overcoming their unhealthy patterns would take time and effort but … Sam felt like they had hope. And he finally felt like he had permission to search for happiness outside of his codependent relationship with his brother.

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

Dream a Little Dream of Me 

Summary: Boy wants girl, girl wants boy, boy and girl are too scared to act on their desires. 

Word Count: 5803

Rating: spicy;)

Warnings: the classic “let’s fall in love at one of tony’s many fancy parties” trope. 

Song Pairing: Dream a Little Dream of Me- Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald 

Authors note: this was written SO long ago but I deleted it because the ban. it’s gonna take you back to classic 2012 avengers era, which we all desperately need haha. I’m gonna be re-uploading all my deleted fics so get ready:)

♡if you enjoy this fic you’re welcome to leave a reblog/like/comment! feedback is not only welcomed but encouraged!♡

You were currently sitting in Tony’s office with Steve, the three of you sitting at one table. Pinching the bridge of your nose you said, “ Boys I don’t know how much longer I can talk about the next mission”.

Instantly Tony smirked, and you prepared yourself for a very sarcastic comment. Tony pouted, “ You’re just upset your favorite soldier isn’t here”. You felt a blush creep over your cheeks but you tried to play it cool.

Shrugging your shoulders you said, “ Maybe all this planning is getting to you too, Steve is right next to you”. Tony laughed, it was a valiant effort on your part but he knew you too well.

Steve tried to stop you both, “ Guys we still need to figure out our plan of attack and-”. Tony wouldn’t give up this easily, “ You know since we’re talking about planning, why don’t we help (y/n) plan when she’ll actually make a move on Barnes”.

This time you couldn’t play it cool, and you knew your face was even redder than before. Steve tried to come to your rescue, “ Come on Tony leave her alone, it’s private and-”.

Tony raised his hands, “ And what? It’s not too private when they have eye sex every time they’re in the same room”. Steve cleared his throat, trying not to picture both of his best friends having sex.

Trying to lighten the mood you said, “ It’s more eye masterbation because only one of us does it Tony”. You were convinced there’d be no way in hell that Bucky would ever feel the same way you did.

Bucky was one of the most incredible people you knew; insanely caring, understanding, and completely breathtaking. Your own insecurities made you feel like Bucky deserved way better than you.

Tony rolled his eyes, “ Don’t pull this crap (y/n) Barnes looks at you the same way you look at him! You’re too nervous to pick up on it”. You wanted Bucky so badly, but your nerves always got a hold of you.

Steve raised an eyebrow, “ I don’t know about the..eye sex...but he does look at you specially”. That meant a lot coming from the kid’s best friend, but you were still not 100% sold. Tony clapped his hands, “ Look there it is! His best friend since birth just told you he has the hots for you!”.

Laughing you said, “ I don’t know if it’s the hots I mean does he even like women any more?”. Tony laughed and you corrected yourself, “ Not in that way you iron giant idiot, I just mean it’s been awhile”.

Steve laughed, “ I can assure you he still likes women, but I don’t want to meddle any further in this..you’re both my best friends”. Tony’s smile grew bigger, and you felt yourself smiling too. Tony put his hands together, “ Come on Cap, throw the girl a bone! I know when you’re not telling the full truth”.

You felt butterflies in your stomach, wondering what Steve would say. Steve smirked, “Okay maybe Bucky likes just one woman, but he’d killed me if I said anything else yet”.

Tony yelled, “ YES I KNEW IT! BARNES HAS THE HOTS FOR (Y/N)!”. He was so excited it made you and Steve laugh. Steve didn’t say anything to protest, so you knew it was the truth.

It didn’t do anything to stop your nerves, but just made them worse. You had thought you were only a friend to Bucky..but that all just changed. Rolling your eyes you asked, “ So what’s the plan Stark?”.

Tony smirked, “ Well we do have the press event later tonight..” You were more of a behind the scenes kinda girl, and fancy events weren’t you’re thing. Tony also knew this, “ I know you hate all eyes on you but-”.

To your surprise Steve cut him off, “ It would be fun for Bucky to see you all dolled up..and it won’t be just the two of you there”. Steve did have a point, a crowded room meant less pressure.

Tony laughed, “ I’ll need to invent eye condoms to prepare for the looks you’ll give each other tonight”. You saw Steve blush from all this sex talk, and you laughed. Steve got up from the table, “ You two are bad together, I need to go pray or something”.

Playfully you yelled after him, “ Our rooms are next to each other Steve, don’t act so innocent!”. If Steve wasn’t red before, he was now. As he turned his head before leaving the room you saw a smile form upon his lips.

Tony was completely riled up now, “ God (y/n) that was perfect! I knew Captain perfect wasn’t so innocent!”. You rolled your eyes, knowing you’d just made things harder for your best friend.

Getting up you said, “ No one’s as innocent as they seem Tony”. You expected another comment from him, but he just stood there smirking. Laughing you asked, “ What cat suddenly got your tongue? I thought you could handle the sexual talk but-”.

Tony pointed behind you and you wanted to die when you turned around. There of course stood Bucky, with a smirk on his lips. Smirking he said, “ At first I felt bad about being late to the meeting but I guess you weren’t discussing work..”.

You stood there unsure of what to say, you hadn’t expected to see him so quickly. Tony got up, “ Oh that’s just the thing, we were discussing work”. With a wink, he left the room.

Bucky laughed, “ So what were you guys talking about?”. God why couldn’t he just pick up on how red your face was and change topics. Trying to not explode you said, “ Uh the press event tonight…”.

He just raised an eyebrow, “ And what does that have to do with sex?”. You felt your face getting redder, and saw his smirk growing. Thinking on your feet you replied with, “ Tony and I were joking to see if Steve would finally ask a girl to be his date...and hook up”.

Bucky just smiled, finally letting you off the hook..or so you thought. You went to leave the room but he reached for your arm, turning you around. Bucky bit his lip, “ Speaking of dates doll, I was wondering if you’d be mine?”.

You just blinked your eyes, was this really all happening? Smiling you tried to not sound so eager, “ I’d love to James”. His smile only grew, and so did yours. Opening the door for you he added, “ So then it’s a date”.

Luckily this time your back was to him, so he couldn’t see your blush. You went your separate ways down the hall, and tried not to freak out. With so much on your mind you weren’t paying attention.

Turning the corner you crashed into someone, and looking up you realized it was Nat and Clint. Extending a hand to help you up she asked, “ What’s got you so preoccupied?”. Before you could say anything Clint answered for you, “ Probably the fact that Barnes finally asked her out”.

You opened your mouth in shock but Clint just shrugged, “ Word travels fast in this compound”. There was no way anyone could’ve known, it had JUST happened. Nat smirked, “Or Tony bugged the room and texted us all”.

Clint groaned, “ Come on it totally added to our spy dynamic!”. You all just laughed, and you didn’t know whether or not to kill Tony. Thinking out loud you said, “..so now everyone knows?”.

Nat smirked once again, “ (y/n) we’ve all known for months...you’re not too stealthy”. Shaking your head you mentally cursed yourself, it was probably obvious to Bucky too. Clint added, “ And neither is Barnes...spy my ass”.

You laughed, “ Then I wonder why it took us so long”. Natasha and Clint just looked at each other, wondering who should answer. Clint smiled, “ Well that’s easy, up until this point you both have beat yourselfs up”.

Natasha added, “ Convinced yourself you weren’t good enough for the other, which isn’t true.'' They were speaking the truth. For effect Clint placed a hand on your shoulder, “ you’re too hard on yourself kid”.

You felt so lucky to have the friends you did. Placing a hand over your heart you responded, “ I love you guys”. Clint winked and Nat hugged you. Your phone buzzed and looking down you read a text from Tony, “ Event’s in a couple hours, surprise waiting in your room”.

Excited you explained, “ Tony says there’s a surprise in my room? Wanna check it out Nat?”. She hooked her arm with yours, and began walking towards your room. With tony it could be anything from a necklace to a full salon somehow built within seconds.

Opening your door you saw a black gift box on your bed, and an envelope on top. Opening it read, “ Find some hot little number to go with these, treat yourself”. In the card there was also Tony’s credit card.

Nat opened the box and saw Tony had gifted you gold stilettos, “ Sorry (y/n) I couldn’t help myself”. Your jaw dropped when you saw the pair of shoes, they were extremely expensive. Still in shock you exclaimed, “ I can’t believe Tony did all this”.

Natasha just smiled, “ He does love you (y/n), and he knows you make Bucky happy”. You just stood there smiling to yourself, once again feeling insanely lucky to have the friends you did. Taking the card you said, “ Well I guess I should listen to Tony right?”.

Laughing Natasha agreed, and you guys decided it was time for a trip to the mall. While leaving your room you ran into Steve, who seemed just as happy. Steve smiled, “ I know I said I wouldn’t meddle but now that Buck asked you out-”.

Nat cut him off, “ It only took two months of you convincing him too..”. Steve just blushed, he had been meddling. He raised his hands, “ Okay you got me, I just wanted to let (y/n) know navy blue is Buck’s favorite color”.

Smirking you said, “ Steve Rogers you mean to tell me this whole time you’ve known that Bucky likes me?’. Steve stood there for a moment, running a hand through his hair.

Finally he said, “ Well yes ...but I wanted to make sure Bucky was ready to actually make a move (y/n)....we both know it’s been hard adjusting for him”.

Nat smiled, “ Think of how much easier it would be with (y/n) by his side showing him the ropes”. Steve ignored her innuendo, still pretending to be innocent. You were unsure of how to feel, “ But why-”.

His blue eyes gazed down at you, “ I love you so much (y/n) and I love Bucky just as much. The last thing I wanted was the both of you getting hurt because of bad timing. Now he’s ready, which means I’ve turned my convincing to you”.

You couldn’t stay mad at Steve, especially when you realized he had good intentions. Smiling you said, “ You’re off the hook Rogers...now navy blue is his favorite color?”.

Steve’s smile returned, “ Yes, once he sees you in it he’ll go wild...even more wild than he already is.'' Nat whistled causing all three of you to laugh. Taking your hand she said, “ Looks like we have a super soldier to please..thank you Steve”.

He tipped his imaginary hat and let you both continue on your way. It sent shivers down your spine knowing you were aiming to please Bucky. It was a double edged sword; you wanted him to instantly get turned on when he saw you but were also scared of what would happen next.

When you went to the mall Nat instantly pulled you into Victoria’s Secret. She explained, “ I’m not saying things have to move this fast but if they do..I want him to be blown away”. You didn’t hide your insecurities, “ What if he doesn’t like what he sees? He could have anyone and-”.

Nat shut you up, “ Half the time I’m fighting I use my sex appeal to my advantage which means I know what lust looks like...and I’ve never seen someone lust after you the way Barnes does”.

Instantly you blushed, “ Really? You’re not just lying?”. She shook her head, “ You’re in your own world so you don’t see it but he looks at you like you’re the only thing on this world…”.

She continued, “ He looks at you like he doesn’t know whether or not he wants to devour you or savor every last bite”. You felt your face getting redder by the minute. Releasing a breath you replied, “ Fuck Nat...I had no idea”.

Leading you towards the matching sets of lingerie she laughed, “ That’s why it’s taken so long...I mean even Steve has commented on it..but he thought I wasn’t listening”. Absentmindedly you walked towards a black lace set.

As you touched the fabric you asked, “ What did Steve say? I thought he didn’t like to meddle”. Steve was a confusing man, but he was your best friend.

Natasha smirked, “ While talking to Sam he said, If I have to listen to Bucky talk about how badly he wants (y/n) one more time I think I’m gonna freeze myself..again”. You laughed, but also felt the desire grow inside you.

She casually spoke, “ Oh and you’re getting that set….it’s gonna make Bucky explode just looking at you”. The set was black lace, and included a thong and bra. It was much fancier than what you were used to, but you weren’t paying for it.

After buying it Natasha took you to another store where you found the perfect dress. It was an off the shoulder navy blue dress that went out at your waist. It would show your off cleavage perfectly, but was still classy enough.

From there you went back home and realized there was only two more hours until the event. When you walked back into the compound you passed Tony and Steve in the kitchen.

Tony was looking through something on his phone, “ I see you found what you were looking for, the stop at Victoria’s Secret had to be my favorite”. You realized he was looking at his bills.

You smiled, “ Well I figure it’s the price you’ll have to pay for always teasing me about him”. Steve laughed agreeing with your statement, Tony did do a lot of teasing. Tony shrugged his shoulders, “ Thank me later when you finally find out all the fun a metal arm can give you”.

Your jaw dropped at his comment, but Nat and him and enjoyed it. Steve chimed in, “Tony I’m going to pretend I didn’t understand that…(y/n) please leave before I have to say ten hail marys”.

Tony smirked, “ Come on Rogers, I can only imagine how pent up you are after 70 years frozen...that has to be a lot of-”. You clapped your hands, “ Tony I don’t want to see how you finish that sentence”.  

Nat added, “ God looks like Barnes and (y/n) aren’t the only ones with some pent up sexual tension”. That joked caused you and Nat to laugh, but the boys weren’t as amused. You both ran to your room laughing.

You opened your door and Nat plopped down onto your bed. Smiling she said, “ How about you shower and then I’ll help you with hair and makeup?”. You nodded your head, and she left your room.

When you got into the shower you took your time. You wanted to make sure every part of your skin was not only soft, but smelt heavenly. As the warm water hit your skin your mind drifted.

You thought back to what Nat had told you earlier, Steve saying Bucky talked about how much he wanted you. Instantly you thought about how good it would feel to have Bucky kiss up and down your body, his lips stopping to suck wherever he wanted.

How beautiful he probably sounded when he moaned ...what he’d sound like moaning your name. Thinking about the comment Tony had made earlier you thought about Bucky’s arm.

Part of you had always been turned on by his arm, you couldn’t explain it. Thinking about how the cold metal would feel against your skin made your core wet.

You started to massage your conditioner into your hair, and even then your thoughts turned dirty. A moan escaped your lips thinking about how good it would feel to have Bucky pull on your hair.

Finally you were done with your shower. Sitting there you saw Natasha waiting for you, along with Wanda. Nat just smirked, “Wonder what you were thinking about in there?”.

You blushed, “ Uh nothing really..just nervous for tonight”. Wanda and Natasha just looked to each other with knowing smiles. Wanda added, “ You didn’t sound nervous from that moan…”.

Blushing even more you asked, “ Come on guys, don’t start teasing me now too”. They just laughed, and dropped it.  They both already had their hair and makeup done, and were ready to help you.

Looking at your phone you realized there was a little over an hour left until the event. Wanda smiled, “ Should I do hair while Natasha does makeup?”. You all agreed that would be the plan.

Wanda decided that she would do loose curls for your hair, simple but sexy. She giggled, “ Can I tell you a secret?”. You nodded and he smile only grew.

She began, “ I know it’s bad but I’ve been listening to Bucky’s thoughts every once and awhile and you should hear what he thinks about…”.

Natasha was instantly sold, “ Don’t leave out any of the dirty details”. You felt your stomach drop, wondering what Bucky might think about.

Wanda giggled, “ He thinks about you when he uh...pleasures himself…”. You gasped, and Nat just smiled. You felt yourself get a little turned on. Wanda continued, “ You know how you call him James?”

You raised an eyebrow, “ Yeah but I’ve done that since we met...it is his name”. You loved using his real name when talking to him. Wanda shook her head, “ It’s drives him wild (y/n)”.

You blushed, “ I called him it earlier…”. God did that mean you turned him on earlier? Nat laughed, “ Well looks like tonight is going to be eventful”. You could tell by her smile that Wanda wasn’t done.

Finishing your hair she leaned against your vanity, to face you. She bit her lip, “ Want to know the most interesting part?”. You all too eagerly said yes, as did Natasha.

Wanda smirked, “ Bucky’s even made Steve talk about you in that way..”. That wasn’t something you pictured ever happening. Surprised you asked, “ What has Steve said?”.

Raising an eyebrow she explained, “ Well Bucky asked what Steve thought you would be like in bed and-”. You thought you’d fall right out of your seat, that wasn’t a conversation you pictured them having.

Wanda mimicked Steve, “ Well Buck she pretends to be innocent but I know (y/n)’s the type that wants you to push her up against a wall and make her scream out your name for everyone to hear”.

You gasped, “ So much for not meddling! I never thought Steve would tell anyone that?”. Wanda just shrugged her shoulders, obviously not having an answer for it either.

Nat brought her makeup over to your vanity, setting it all up. Turning around she asked, “What do mean tell anyone? Are you telling me you’ve talked about sex with Steve Rogers?”.

Laughing you answered, “ He is my best friend….it doesn’t happen all the time but when it does we promise to act like it doesn’t.'' Wanda and Natasha were both shocked, their image of Steve changing.

Wanda giggled, “ So then what Steve said is true?”. By now Nat had started doing your makeup, already done with foundation and concealer. Smirking you said, “ I know I’m shy but even though we’re all so close there’s other sides to me”.

Nat continued doing your makeup, “ I can see it..always the quiet ones”. That was a true quote, you seemed innocent but you weren’t. Wanda asked, “ Well then does that mean Bucky now knows that?”.

You decided it was a good question, “ Maybe I should text Steve and ask then”. The girls didn’t say anything, and continued talking. Natasha was already halfway through your makeup.

You typed out, “ Steve fucking Rogers I have a bone to pick with you. Did you tell Bucky how I like things on the rougher side!?”. Within a second you got a text back from Steve asking you to explain.

Your second text read, “ Don’t play dumb, you know I mean someone being dominant with me! Hair pulling..dirty talk...come on Captain Idiot”. Placing your phone back down you let Nat continue to do your makeup, now moving on to eyeshadow.

Within a minute you got a text back, “ Hate to do this to you doll...but this ain’t Steve”. Instantly you got butterflies in your stomach, the only person that would have Steve’s phone is Bucky.

You got another text, “ It’s Buck...Steve let me borrow his phone to text you telling you I’ll be there to pick you up in 30”. You wanted to die right then and there, your luck was completely off today.

Before you could answer you got one last text, “ I want to feel bad doll but I don't ...this is all a turn on for me”. You let out a squeal and Nat took the phone from you, reading everything out loud.

Wanda gasped while Natasha just stood there with a smirk on her face, “ Shit Barnes really likes you”. You had no idea how to reply, there was about a thousand things you wanted to say...but you were too scared.

Nat crossed her arms over her chest, “ Come on (y/n) there’s no way you can be nervous anymore!”. She did have a point, you knew now how Bucky felt about you. You should just go for it.

Smirking you took the phone back, “ I have the perfect thing to say”. If Bucky wanted to tease you, you’d tease him right back. You replied with, “ Let’s see who’s all smug later tonight, James”.

Nat shook her head, “ God you’re a tease (y/n)! Ending it by calling him James...PERFECT. '' From that moment Nat worked faster to finish your makeup, not wanting you to stress about being late.

Fifteen minutes later she finished, and the end result was amazing. She gave you a gold eyeshadow look; fake eyelashes, winged liner, and all. For lipstick she gave you a deep red, making your lips pop.

There was actual gold glitter on your lid, and you wanted to die of happiness. Once she finished she smiled, “ Well Wanda, looks like our work here is done”. They left your room five minutes later, leaving you to change.

You started by first putting on the set you bought from Victoria’s Secret, smiling when you say yourself in the mirror. Next you slipped into your blue dress, and finally your heels. You had to admit you looked damn good.

About a minute later there was a knock on your door, and you got goosebumps. Opening it you realized it was Bucky, ready to pick you up. Before he even said anything, he looked you up and down while biting his lip.

You blushed, “ Steve said blue was your favorite color”. Your voice snapped Bucky out of his daydream. He smirked, “ Anything on you is my favorite color Doll...damn”. His comment made your smile only grow.

He extended his hand, “ We have a party to attend, and about a hundred people to make jealous”. You took his hand as he lead you towards the elevator. As the doors of the elevator closed you asked, “ People to make jealous?”.

Bucky pressed the penthouse button, “ I have the most beautiful date, everyone’s gonna wish they were with you”. It warmed your heart to know Bucky felt so honored to be with you. Smiling you said, “ You’re too kind James”.

As the doors opened he let out a groan, “ God doll you’re gonna be the end of me”. You laughed as he once again took your hand. Together you walked to the penthouse level of Stark Towers.

There were hundreds of people there, all doing their own things. You would’ve felt nervous but you had Bucky by your side. As you walked into the event together, tons of people turned their attention to you both.

Bucky whispered into your ear, “ See doll? All jealous. '' You smiled once again and you walked towards the bar but Bucky lead you towards the dance floor. Shaking your head you said, “ No James I can’t-”.

He grinned, “ Nope doll you CAN and you will!”. Looking to your left you saw all your closest friends sitting at the bar, smiling seeing you and Bucky. Tony yelled to you both, “ This one’s for you Barnes”.

Suddenly the music changed too, “ Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Bucky pulled you to the center of the dance floor, but before he did he yelled back thank you.

Stars shining bright above you, Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore trees, Dream a little dream of me

Steve laughed turning to Tony, “ How’d you know this was his favorite dancing song?”. Steve could remember going out dancing and watching Bucky dancing to this song a hundred times. Tony just smirked, “ I’m all knowing Rogers”.

Bucky took your hand in his, and pressed his body against yours. His knee was in between your legs, your bodies insanely close. He sang the words softly into your ear, and you felt yourself getting even more turned on.

Say nighty-night and kiss me, Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

While I'm alone and blue as can be

Your bodies swayed together slowly to the beat, and nothing else mattered in the world. His other hand rested on the small of your back, guiding you further. You rested your head against his chest, and it all felt so right.

Stars fading but I linger on dear, Still craving your kiss

I'm longing to linger till dawn dear, Just saying this

You couldn’t see it, but Bucky was smiling just as big. This was the first time things had made so much sense in a long time. He remembered dancing to this song a hundred times, but it never feeling like this.

You brought your head up to hold his gaze, looking deeply into his eyes. He spun you out, only to pull you right back in. Bucky finally had you, and he wanted to keep you close. You felt butterflies while dancing with him.

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you, Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you

But in your dreams whatever they be, Dream a little dream of me

Bucky spun you around, but when he pulled you back this time he dipped you. His face was inches from yours as he looked down at you. Instinctively you brought your hand to cup his cheek.

His smile only grew as he held your gaze. You both were completely lost in the moment, unaware the entire room was watching you. Bucky leaned down even more, and finally placed his lips on yours.

As the kiss continued you ran a hand through his hair, causing him to groan. Finally he brought you back up right, both of your hands pressed against his chest. He bit his lip, “ Fuck princess you’re perfect”.

The entire room cheered for you both, loving such an adorable moment. Smiling you asked, “ Why don’t we go enjoy ourselves somewhere else?”. Bucky’s eyes gleamed at the idea, wanting you all to himself.

Hand and hand you raced out of the room. Ignoring all the cheers and hollering from your closest friends. Your moment was ruined when there was already some random man in the elevator.

Bucky rested against the back wall, and pulled you to rest against him, your back to him. After telling the man what floor he turned his attention to you.

He wrapped his hands around your waist and whispered in your ear, “ God doll I wish I could pin you up against this wall and take you right now”. You were taken off guard and let out a squeal.

Bucky just laughed, loving the effect he had on you. He started to kiss down your neck, not caring that someone else was in the elevator with you. Softly you said, “ James please”. You felt him moan against your skin.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, meaning you were on your floor. Bucky lead you towards his room as fast as he could. Not wanting to waste any more time. The second his door closed he picked you up.

You wrapped your legs around him, “ Someone’s a little eager huh?”. He just laughed but threw you onto his bed. Bucky crawled towards you, “ When you look like that how could anyone want to wait?”.

It was your turn to laugh, how did he always know how to make you smile? Bucky rested his back against his headboard, bringing you to straddle him. He kissed you again, sliding your dress up your thighs with his hands.

You broke the kiss to help pull your dress over your head, wanting it off just as badly. Bucky smirked, “ Looks like I’m not the only eager one”. You rolled your eyes, but brought your lips back to his.

Bucky’s eyes widened, “ Sweet jesus doll you look so fucking amazing”. You blushed, remembering what you were wearing. He turned your head towards him by placing a finger under your chin, “ Don’t tell me you’re still shy”.

You bit your lip, “ I just didn’t think you’d ever think this way about me James”. He shook his head, how were you so perfect? Bucky placed his hands on your hips, “ You’re the most beautiful person I know (y/n)”.

Your face was still red as he continued, “ I didn’t think anyone could ever make me feel alive again...but you do...you make being here so much easier”. You rested your hands on his now bare chest.

Bucky paused for a moment, looking like he was summoning up courage. As he looked you deeply in the eyes he smiled, “ I love you (y/n)”. You thought you could die right then and there.

You cupped his face in both hands, “ I love you so much James”. He crashed his lips into yours, preserving the moment. His hands ran up and down your body, exploring every inch he could.

As the kiss continued you help Bucky slid out of the rest of his clothes, and he did the same to you. Smirking he said, “ You look damn good in this, but you’ll look even better out of it” as he took off your bra and panties.

Your nipples hardened as the cold air hit them. He brought his mouth to your left breast, sucking and lightly nibbling your nipple. This caused you to moan loudly, “ James I need more”.

Bucky brought his hand to you massage your clit but you stopped him, and he looked up at you confused. Biting your lip you asked, “ Can you..uh..use your metal arm?”. His pupils darkened at your request as lust filled his eyes.

He moaned out loud, “ I fucking love you (y/n)”. Using his metal arm Bucky began to massage slow circles around your clit. You bucked your hips forward, needing more from him.

All too soon he took his hand away, and you groaned. Surprisingly Bucky brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked, licking your juices off of them.

You watched him with your mouth wide open, insanely turned on. He just sat there smirking, “ You taste even better than I imagined”. You pulled him closer to you, kissing him again.

Bucky flipped you so you were now rested on your back. He took his hard member in one hand and pressed it against your slit teasing you. Looking down at you he asked, “ Tell me what you want princess”.

Hooking an arm around his neck you said, “ Fuck me James, pleasee I need you inside of me”. Bucky turned his head to the side and let out an animalistic moan. Bucking his hips forward he asked, “ Say my name again doll”.

Looking him deeply in the eyes you repeated, “ James I need you”. With that he entered himself inside of you, and you hooked a leg around his back. Feeling his huge cock fill you up made you instantly moan.

Bucky was just as needy as you were, and he thrusted deeply and quickly inside of you. He started to kiss down your neck again, sucking on your sweet spots making you moan. All you could do was moan his name, which only drove him crazier and crazier.

He shifted again so you were now on top of him riding him. Placing his hands on your hips, he said, “ I needed to see you riding my cock doll”. You started to bounce up and down as he bucked his hips up.

With his grip on your hips he pushed you down onto him deeper, hitting your g-spot. You barely got out, “ I’m gonna cum Bucky”. This caused him to go even faster, thrusting deeper inside of you.

Inbetween growls he got out, “ Cum for me babygirl, fucking cum for me”. His words pushed you over the edge, sending you right into orgasm.

Your orgasm shook throughout your entire body, like an earthquake. Every single nerve in your body felt like it was shaking. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over you, and all you could do was yell out his name.

As you felt him twitch inside you, Bucky was feeling his own orgasm. For him it felt like a tsunami of pleasure washed over him. Each wave sending every nerve in his body into extreme pleasure. He yelled out your name, the only thing his brain could process.

Together you panted, riding out your orgasms. When you caught your breath you felt beside him, and he laughed. He turned on his side to face you, “ I could listen to you call me James every second of every day”.

You turned on your side too, “ Well we do have some lost time to make up for…”. Bucky just smiled as he pulled you into his chest, wanting to hold onto you forever. He kissed your forehead, “ I love you (y/n), always will”.

♡if you enjoy this fic you’re welcome to leave a reblog/like/comment! feedback is not only welcomed but encouraged!♡

[nicklloydnow]

"Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute centre of the universe; the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute centre of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

(...)

The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing is gonna come in. Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and if I don’t make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, I’m gonna be pissed and miserable every time I have to shop. Because my natural default setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me. About MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, and it’s going to seem for all the world like everybody else is just in my way. And who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line. And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.

(...)

If I choose to think this way in a store and on the freeway, fine. Lots of us do. Except thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic that it doesn’t have to be a choice. It is my natural default setting. It’s the automatic way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I’m operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the centre of the world, and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world’s priorities.

(...)

The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship.Because here’s something else that’s weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship–be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles–is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness."

[wingheadshellhead]

endgame time

okay i figure i might as well post all my thoughts on the movie and get all of it out at once

the good shit (oh yes i loved iron man 5)

the tony and nebula interactions were so good. so soft. love that sweet validation of them being stuck for 3 weeks and getting along. TONY OFFERING HER THE BLUEBERRIES on their last day of oxygen and her pushing his hand away and tony immediately scarfing them all. tony thinking of a complete stranger’s needs before himself even as he’s dying. fucking good shit a+

when he stepped off the jet and it was STEVE who rushed immediately to catch him lmao my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. a beautiful cinematic stevetony moment.

“i lost the kid, i lost the kid” holy shit superfam........ SUPERFAM. how he looked so distraught and heartbroken like he knows he took a teenager up to space with him to fight the greatest villain the world has ever faced and he LOST him and the way it broke him saying it out loud as steve was holding onto him

the catharsis of tony having his big “I WAS RIGHT FUCK YOU” speech and then collapsing afterwards. SHIVERS. and it was fantastic seeing rdj physically weakened and looking like crap surviving for 3 weeks on the ship with zero supplies. WHEN HE TORE THE REACTOR OFF HIS CHEST AND SHOVED IT INTO STEVE’S HAND. “where were you when i needed you” “we’ll lose together. you said we’d do that together too, LIAR” (not a paraphrase) oh my gOD. fucking deserved. his righteousness, his betrayal, his hurt. so excellent. loved that for him. all the avengers watching him with mild concern but also resignation knowing he WAS right and they’d treated him like he was crazy two years ago for nearly losing his mind because he was so worried about the threat of impending invasion.

5 YEARS LATER. steve holding support group was such a great moment of continuity from him watching sam holding the veterans group (a first win for samsteve in the movie), i loved him still wanting to create a space for others to share their trauma and to talk. the painful irony of having a whole cap trilogy and 4 avengers movies and having so few scenes of steve actually talking about his trauma and instead having his experiences filtered through other people’s dialogue has been so fucking painful and endgame continued to screw him over (see below lmao) with this one but i thought this scene was still a nice touch.

really enjoyed natasha saying she’d found a family and a purpose in THEORY but it wasn’t backed up enough by the context. she was running point on what was left of the avengers essentially but it felt more work related than “oh we’re a FAMILY” which the avengers has never been as much as they might try to act like it for one line of dialogue that’s meant to be so meaningful

AVENGERS ENDGAME AS A TIME TRAVEL CAPER. holy fuck a literal au come to life. loved it. we got a whole stevetony going undercover in the 70s on a mission which was awesome. spy!steve and spy!tony shenanigans. the throwbacks to 2012 avengers and continuations of the scenes we saw in the movie were so so much fun. 

america’s ass. god bless. tony thirsting after steve in every world in every universe in the multiverse. 

“i missed that giddy optimism” he also missed that ass, apparently

they really fucking WENT there with the hail hydra but i thought it was a smart (if smug) wink to the audience of steve one upping the hydra guys and taking the scepter from them.

STEVE LIFTING MJOLNIR!!!! steve WIELDING mjolnir and doing the lightning thing. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!!!!

being 90% sure that tony was going to die going into this movie i knew it was nails in the coffin the MOMENT we saw the 5 years later flashback and we were at this beautiful house and tony was married and playing with his kid. it seemed gratuitous, it seemed too good to be true. and it’s everything tony deserved and more. the domesticity, the beautiful simplicity and quietness of having a wife and a kid and being surrounded by so much love. I LOVE YOU 3000. i love you 3000. holy shit. you cannot tell me or anyone that tony isn’t the best dad in the whole damn universe. that kid was so loved, so adored. all along, all tony has wanted is a family. he just wants people to love him and people that he can love that will stay. and he got exactly that. he got five years of that and maybe it’s not enough but being a superhero it never is. i’m glad he got that 5 years. 

RESCUE PEPPER was incredible. gwyneth got more screentime than i thought she would. seeing pepperony flying their suits in the sky was SUCH a trip ironfam really won this whole event. 

tony being bitter and putting up a front when natasha, steve and scott came to visit him. it was so jarring watching steve seeing tony with the happy family and life he’d never been able to have, always an impossibility to him. steve jumping the gun with “is pepper pregnant” in cw. such a bittersweet moment. it’s one of those very classic comic moments in the multiverse where they have a wild au concept and they lull you into a false sense of security that everything is beautiful and perfect and happy until they have to ruin it all again and go be heroes. it was very that. except the happiness and love was all REAL and tony got to have it.

their conversation about how everything had worked out for him and how he had a family he couldn’t leave behind..... bro he really got me (and the avengers) there. do you really think THE tony stark could ever live happily ever after knowing half the world was dead? either he’s going to die trying to bring them back or he won’t be able to live with himself at all. the simulations were such a satisfying move. his conversation with pepper. her telling him he wouldn’t be able to rest. it was tony asking permission but also telling her that he was going to go and leave behind their life to do what he had to do. the subtext of that whole scene was really fantastically done. 

PETER AND TONY. THE PHOTOGRAPH. HIM LINGERING ON THE PICTURE OF PETER LIKE OF FUCKING COURSE HE HASN’T HAD A MOMENTS REST NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM.

so anyway. tony invents time travel. we love a genius. he also invents an infinity gauntlet. incredible.

i was holding my breath the entire scene of tag when they were tossing the gauntlet back and forth mf wAITING for it to land near enough to tony. i knew it was coming but like,,, jesus christ part of me wasn’t sure when they had bruce do the snap. they skipped a lot of the technicalities of wielding the actual gauntlet (like not going mad from power and having the whole weight of the universe inside your head at your fingertips) probably to keep from weighing the story down but THAT would have been a brilliant touch to seeing tony finally getting the stones. and having them slot into place on his OWN GODDAMN ARMOUR. TONY STARK FUCKING DID THAT.

“i am inevitable.” “I AM IRON MAN”. literally the most iconic line of the entire marvel cinematic universe and tony gets to say it as the biggest fuck you the biggest villain they’ve ever faced. loved it.

so yeah the gamma rays taking tony, baseline human out, vs. bruce was a much less satisfying end than having it be the weight of the whole universe and the promise of madness and infinite power. but this is the ending tony deserved. we always knew that one or more of the OGs would die and it was tony and this is exactly the way this should have gone.

tony died saving the entire universe. he died sacrificing himself and HIS future with his family for the avengers and for the universe. the story of the mcu begins and ends with his sacrifice. he wouldn’t have had it any other way. to know that what he did, what he’ll be remembered for, is saving the universe. it validates all the selflessness and heroism and grace we’ve always known he has when it comes to being a hero. tony isn’t the hero that gives speeches and moves peple to action, he’s the hero that just DOES the thing that needs to be done. the one that will lay his life down on the line to let everyone else crawl over him because he wouldn’t be able to live knowing he hadn’t done more. him dying meant that he’d finally done enough. he finally gets to rest. and getting to die surrounded by the ironfam was such a beautiful touch. tony stark is unquestionably a hero. his legacy will always be one of sacrifice and heroism and creating the possibility of a better future. he has always, constantly, relentlessly been working to build a future he will never see that is better and stronger and more resilient than the present; it’s inherently a part of being a futurist that he will never get to see this world that he’s willingly given up everything for. and in the climax of the final battle, he gave up HIS future so that the rest of the universe could have one, and if that isnt the most tony stark thing i’ve ever heard idk what is. 

the unsolvable problem of the avengers

how do you write the culmination to a grand universe of 22 movies with the avengers being the cornerstone of that massive cinematic vision when your avengers aren’t even really a team? what are we supposed to root for when none of them seem to visibly friends or even like each other except when they’re in pairs? what “TEAM” are they referring to? 

the avengers from day 1 aren’t a team. they aren’t a family. there’s no sense of camraderie in any of the movies between them all as a unit. 

we had ONE scene of teamwork in the movie where they were locating the stones and planning what to do with them. the shot of nat bruce and tony lying on the conference table was great, but unearned. why should we care when they haven’t shown us how these people care about each other outside of saving the world once every few years? we don’t watch superhero team-ups for the cool fight scenes we watch them because we want to see these heroes actually care about each other and the BOND between them that makes them a worthwhile team on AND off the battlefield. 

there’s no sense that even strategically, they work well as a team. steve is the leader sure and tony provides the tech but apart from that? there’s no spark. there’s no connection between them that makes us thing oh shit, this could really work. they’re on the same wavelength. they’re going to try and do the impossible and it shouldn’t work but it just might because it’s them.

cannot emphasise this enough: not enough carol danvers. she was yeeted out of the movie after her intro and then came back for the final battle and that was it. she should’ve been THERE in the war room coming up with plans and going to the space destinations with the teams. it was ridiculous to have the future leader of the avengers and the legacy of the mcu not be front and center with the (non-existent) team dynamic. it fucking bewilders me that CM could write and develop a fury + carol friendship better than her dynamic with ANY of the avengers, her future friends and teammates. 

so, the avengers aren’t really friends. they’re coworkers who occasionally put up with each other to save the world and that’s fucking depressing and arguably why all the avengers but tony were so badly fucked over in the character development and ending of endgame.

the bad shit (full circle rip)

thor and bruce were treated like comedic relief for too much of the movie. i wasn’t expecting bruce to have much of a storyline because he never does but his conflict was solved with a handwave explanation in the beginning “oh i have the best of both worlds now, i’m both banner AND hulk the brain and the brawns”. was such a bizarre fucking feeling. and the insinuation that he’d just been chilling in the 5 years post snap with his new updated hipster wardrobe taking pictures with fans??? what the fuck? what kind of storyline is THAT? he should’ve been WITH natasha helping her deal with the fallout of the snap and working with the remainders of the team. what the fuck.

thor was done EVEN dirtier in this respect. it’s as if all the ugly stans that hated and mocked tony’s im3 ptsd storyline decided to put their messy caricature of him into a character arc. hemsworth pulled it off, to his credit and comedic delivery, but it wasn’t a story fitting of the mighty thor. there IS a way of writing thor going through trauma, trying to process the loss of his entire world and family and people, without reducing him to an absolute farce. imagine a thor, treated with gravitas and respect, lost and kingdomless and peopleless wandering the world, a recluse and a hermit, like the better side of the coin to hawkeye, but being called back to heroism because he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. idk if its the taika effect or just the massive turn that the thor trilogy took but i think the overt humour was the wrong way to go with thor and it made his entire storyline seem regressive and like they were laughing at him more than they were laughing with him. i would’ve accepted taking a leaf out of dc’s book (i.e. diana and arthur in JL) if they had to go down this path with thor’s story, of having him retreat from the trauma and grief of what he’d lost. because his pain was understandable, you could very clearly sympathise with what he’d been through but they turned his pathos into bathos and let his storyline play out in jokes instead of being the noble warrior and hero finding the strength to believe in people and have hope and fight for the world again. endgame really made a mockery out of thor’s legacy and not knowing if there’ll be another thor movie............... god he deserved better. 

clint?? we don’t speak of mcu clint but idk. i gUeSs the russos achieved what they thought they wanted to achieve with ultimates clint going full rogue and becoming a lawless deadpool but without the jokes. (ugh 616 clint... you will always be the only clint ever.) of all the characters that SHOULD have a lighthearted ironic storyline, it’s CLINT BARTON. he semi redeemed himself by wanting to die instead of natasha??? thereby absolving him? idk whatever lets not think too hard about mcu clint. 

i think most of fandom has long given up on mcu natasha so it’s less an issue of “this isn’t the natasha we deserve” and “well how badly can they fuck this up”. i think natasha’s development was well-handled and it was a Relief to have her final moment be between her and clint, purely driven by platonic love and all the shit they’ve stood by each other through. i don’t know that she needed to die, clint easily could’ve fallen instead of her lmao. but her being prepared to die for the fate of the world has been a theme since aou and i was glad it played out her seeing the necessity and pragmatism of sacrifice. i liked how she said “you think i want to do this?” because of course she doesn’t, ofc natasha romanova who’s lived through the rise and fall of empires and died so many deaths, wants to live. but she’s also a hero, and she’s spent so many years working to be a better person (when she said the avengers made her better g o d loved that line) and she knew what she had to do. idk that this was a fitting end for her but i thought her character development was well done (even if the team itself is a shallow non-existent “family”) and her sacrifice, alongside tony’s saved the universe.

ok don’t let the shortness of these points belie how much they annoyed me but CAROL deserved more screentime RHODEY deserved more screentime. SAM AND BUCKY deserved more. for characters that are so charismatic and bring so much life and dynamism to the avengers it was a fucking shame that they didn’t make the most of them. carol and rhodey especially. the lack of carolrhodey air force interactions and tonyrhodey was offensive.

sam getting the shield and the little moment of passing the shield was amazing but At What Cost

so..................... steve. oh boy. oh fuck here we go. the mcu has never known what the fuck to do with steve and i have written countless answers and thinkpieces and meta posts about it. the most heartbreaking part of steve’s story is that the avengers is literally his life. it’s tony’s life. and it is to many other avengers but all of them have always had something else to fall back on. steve has always only had the avengers, or the army or SHIELD or whatever affiliation he’s currently part of. his purpose and his drive is part of the team and whatever Thing he’s part of that he can throw himself into and embody. not having the avengers be a fully functioning team and misfit found family really handicapped his entire storyline and possible development. you could argue that steve found a family with the capfam but it’s really having a Team of people to lead and befriend and become family with that’s integral to steve’s character. his story as steve rogers, not captain america, is about finding a home and a family in the 21st century. making peace with what he’s lost in the past so he can live in the present and fight for the people of the present and future. 

it’s ironic and tragic and an absolute abomination for steve’s plot to literally be about regression. as if nothing has changed. he hasn’t learned anything from tws he hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t been able to let go “but not us” (AND WHY THE FUCK NOT RUSSOS?) he hasn’t been able to grow or make peace or find catharsis. he was SUPPOSED to, burying peggy, letting go of her. getting bucky back. but the setup of the mcu and the failure of the avengers as a team and family has actively kept steve from being able to ground himself in the present. the mcu ripped sharon carter right out of their universe so she never stood a chance. bucky had to go back under ice. natasha was running point with the 5 years later vengers. so in the end capfam is just???? sam and steve? his only support system is two and a half people?? it fucking breaks my heart. steve DESERVED a family. steve DESERVED a home. and even if mcu wasn’t going to let that be all tony stark-related there should’ve been SOMETHING.

of all the endings they could’ve pulled out of their asses

of all the fucking endings

this shit was straight out of the comics

straight out of the bad place darkest timeline scenarios

the ramifications of it all. hydra? bucky? sharon? homewrecking peggy’s own family and happily lived life just to get them back together? steve willing to risk it all for a dance and a woman he knew for a few months over the friends he’d spent nearly a decade with? we’re supposed to believe THAT’S steve rogers???????????

a literal fucking mess.

captain america as we know him in mcu ends with tws thats it

also, my expectations for stevetony was 0 but we got more than i thought we would. there was no development in terms of their actual relationship but as the filthy stevetony shipper i am happy with the cheap meal we got. there should’ve been a conversation between them about what happened, about what went down, something to tie together the avengers and the “trust” they wanted to establish between them. something like tony keeping the phone with him all this time. a little comic parallel “we still friends?” “never stopped”. just. Something. we needed more than “you trust me” “i do” in the time crunch of a mission. it was unearned. idk how this conversation would go, literally there are a hundred choices that i’m sure we’ll see play out in fic but one final big conversation between the two cornerstones of the mcu involving heroism, sacrifice, where they stand as heroes, how they see each other, who they are to each other. something like tony and steve always, at the end of everything, at the heart of who they are, seeing through each other’s masks and facades and personas and SEEING who the other person is. a tiny mcu nod to “you gave me a home” that ties the past and present and future together. tony believing in steve. steve believing in tony. i could’ve forgiven mcu all it’s other stevetony sins if we just had that.

just spitballing but – tony: you know, i never wanted to be a part of this thing. the super secret boyband. it was never supposed to be me. steve: we made it work though. for the most part. until we didn’t. tony: even when it looked like there was no way of ever getting the band back together a part of me still believed you. gullible of me, i know. but i wanted to think that if there ever came a time when we had to make one last stand, as avengers, we’d do it together. like it was always meant to be. steve: i know. tony, i – tony: i should’ve called. steve: it’s a two-way line. i could’ve, too. tony: that’s how it always seems to be with us, huh? shoulda woulda coulda. always just missing the mark. always just out of reach. steve: i’ve thought about it a lot. about what i would’ve done differently. what i would’ve said. tony: that’s why you need me, cap. i mean, hell, it doesn’t have to be me but we all need someone to tell us to get over ourselves sometimes. to stop beating yourself over the head with your own mistakes. steve: [laughs] that’s rich, coming from you. tony: maybe. but i’m a firm believer in second chances. steve: you think that’s what this could be? a second chance? tony: i know it. futurist, remember? i’ve seen it all happen. steve: oh, good. we could use one of those. maybe you could tell us if we survive tomorrow and save everyone. tony: we will. because things are different this time.  steve: this time? tony: the way it should’ve been. you and me and everyone else. together. we can win. steve: now who’s the one with the giddy optimism? tony: i prefer to call it hopeful pragmatism. after all, i’ve run enough simulations. steve: i do, tony. i trust you. tony: well, we’re betting the future of 5 billion lives on this. steve: i know. and there’s no one i’d trust more to do it. 

[therealjambery]

Long fics rec post is long

What better way to while away the time than fanfiction? Long fanfiction! And when I say long, I mean long, like so long it is three novels put together, how on earth did you find time to write this, so long it takes even me more than one day to read long. I'm irrationally jealous of all of these writers, as I am the type of writer who has a hard time dashing off 10,000 words in a timely fashion, let alone writing anything longer.

I'm using the SFWA's definition of a novel here, which is anythiing over 40,000 words.

These are all stories I've loved, and most of them I've actually got saved as PDFs so I can re-read them wherever I want. I'm digging pretty deep into the archives for this one, kids, so hold onto your hats.

Fandoms: Avengers/Marvel, Firefly, Inception, Leverage, Merlin, Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek AOS, Supernatural, Torchwood

Fandom: Avengers/MCU/Marvel/Whatever we're calling it these days

in deep with you darling by topaz Author's Summary: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there's an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew? Main Pairing: Clint/Darcy Words: 48024

runaways are running the night by anothercover Author's Summary: Clint did like that the photo stayed private. He’s shit at social media, only on it because, you know, he has to be, but even Clint knew it was the kind of candid that was Instagrammable - #queen, #legend, #rawmemama, etcetera, ad nauseam, he’s pretty sure he could predict the comments before anyone actually typed them. (Bucky once said “raw me, mama?” to her with a goddamn straight face and Natasha’s expression of abject horror while she tried to work out if he meant it had made Clint laugh so fucking hard he was certain he’d ripped an organ in half. He still wants to find a way to work that story into his act, because on the one hand, people love it when he talks about his marriage, but it’s hard to find a way into it that doesn’t sound like he’s making fun of their fans, and that’s a big no-go.) AU: Natasha's in a band, Clint is basically John Mulaney, it's great Main Pairing: Clint/Natasha/Bucky Words: 53873

Ready, Fire, Aim 'Verse by gyzym Author's Summary: There's no "I" in "Avenger." Main Pairing: Steve/Tony Words: 63019

Ain't No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down) by spitandvinegar Author's Summary: It's six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.

For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don't. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It's very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.

I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.

Steve sits down hard on the steps. Main Pairing: Steve/Bucky Words: 107076

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail series by owlet Author's Summary: The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect Main Pairing: Steve/Bucky Words: 264438

Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club by sara_holmes Author's Summary: Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club. (Invitation and pending mental health evaluation required.)

"When Steve brings Bucky back to the tower for the first time, Clint’s first thought is that Tony Stark’s pride and joy is quickly becoming a less of a very tall and expensive ‘fuck you’ in the faces of investors who don’t believe in self-sustaining energy, and more of a superhero rehabilitation center."

Boyfriends, compromises and learning to like oneself. Main Pairing: Clint/Bucky Words: 67059

Nobody Lost, Nobody Found by ClaraxBarton Author's Summary: "Look, dude, I get it. You’re fucked-up. HYDRA fucked you up. I’ve been there. But you’re my fucking Soul Mate!"

“I can kill you. I could kill you without even realizing what I was doing. I’m not fucked-up, I’m a monster. I’m a nightmare. You can’t be here. You can’t- All the people I’ve killed- I will not murder my Soul Mate too. Not after everything else I’ve-”

Clint worked his left hand between their bodies and managed to land a punch to the man’s right side, forcing him to shift his weight, and Clint brought his right hand down on the place where the man’s metal arm met his torso - hidden by the shirt he wore, but on full display in the video Clint had watched.

The man released Clint with a grunt of pain, and Clint pressed his advantage, landing another punch to his abdomen, backing him up against the opposite side of the RV and then pressing the kitchen knife he had pocketed while cleaning up earlier to the man’s throat.

“Like I said, I’m not a Boy Scout. I’m plenty dangerous myself. We clear on that?”

OR:

This looks bad, because it is.

OR:

How Clint Barton met his Soul Mate AU: soulmates! Main Pairing: Clint/Bucky Words: 108331

Ronin!Clint 'verse by shatteredhourglass Author's Summary: “Who the fuck are you and how did you get this line?”

“I have my ways,” the voice says, amused. “Don’t worry, I’m just enjoying the view, Captain America.” Main Pairing: Clint/Bucky Words: 63266

Fandom: Firefly/Supernatural

Weight and Motion by sevenfists [note: the podfic by dodificus is excellent] Author's Summary: The pears were ripe, Kaylee told him, but Mal wouldn't eat any of them. They were a present, nestled all sweet and green in a wooden crate that a grateful passenger gave them right before they left her on Greenleaf. AU: Crossover, Dean ends up on Serenity, just roll with it Main Pairing: Mal/Dean Words: 43117

Fandom: Inception

All the World is Bullet Shaped by pushdragon Author's Summary: If Arthur thinks that, just by waving enough money around, he can get Eames to risk his life and reputation to rescue him from a death sentence, he's got another thing coming. So Eames sets a malicious, undignified price on his services, one he can be certain that a man like Arthur would never condescend to pay. It turns out to be the first of many mistakes. Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames Words: 76656

I Seem to Be a Verb by Aja Author's Summary: Arthur owns a quirky hipster science bookstore. Eames is a world-famous mega-celebrity.

Clearly this calls for a meet-cute. AU: Notting Hill AU Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames Words: 93837

In Medias Res by starlingthefool Author's Summary: What's the most resilient infection? What's more infectious than a cold, deadlier than cholera? What lingers in your blood forever?

Love, of course. Mal has always known that. Her pointman Eames may dismiss her for a romantic, but for better or worse, love has gotten her this far. AU: Mirror-verse Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames, Mal/Dom Words: 52662

The Music Makers by mami_san Author's Summary: A. Graham Cole was twenty-one years old when he was killed in action in Iraq. This is the official story. The truth is, of course, somewhat different. Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames Words: I dunno, because it's not on AO3. But my PDF is 451KB so it's over 50k, most likely.

Presque Vu by rageprufrock Author's Summary: Or, "on the tip of the tongue." Arthur meets Mal first. He inherits Dom, after. Everything else is on him. Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames Words: 69588

Wherever You Will Be (That's Where I'll Call Home) [The DomesticVerse] by gyzym Author's Summary: People you kiss in an airport baggage claim and then don't talk to for thirteen months shouldn't be able to exist, let alone make your chest do the things Arthur's chest is doing. There are rules. Main Pairing: Arthur/Eames Words: 74828

Fandom: Leverage

Psychic AU series by Laughtsalot3412 Author's Summary: He had a sniper rifle scoping the girl’s bright eyes and the guy’s smile. AU: They all have psychic powers Main Pairing: OT3 Eliot/Parker/Alec Words: 89955

Fandom: Merlin

[note: look, I don't even go here. I've never watched the show. But.]

Drastically Redefining Protocol by rageprufrock Author's Summary: In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose. AU: Modern AU Main Pairing: Arthur/Merlin Words: 46,059

The Student Prince by FayJay Author's Summary: A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love... AU: Modern AU Main Pairing: Arthur/Merlin Words: 145222

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves by auburn Author's Summary: Vala Mal Doran and her partners, renegades Jehan abd-Ba'al and Meredith McKay, hijack the Tau'ri ship Prometheus and leave the Milky Way behind in search of the Lost City of the Ancients, Atlantis. AU: Space pirates! Main Pairing: John/Rodney Words: 180299

The Price That Life Exacts by cathalin Author's Summary:When John disappears without a trace during a routine mission, people in a beleaguered Atlantis eventually have to try to move on. Rodney never completely gives up hope of finding John, and though he soldiers on to help Atlantis, a year later he still lives every day with his grief. Main Pairing: John/Rodney Words: 63369

Written By the Victors by Spreranza Author's Summary: Caroll, Franklin R. Atlantis Revisited. New York and London, Routledge, 2011. Chapman, Denise. Several Kinds of Genius: The Life of Rodney McKay. NY: Harper Perennial, 2015. Croft, Rosalind. City of Spires: A Memoir. Toronto: The Mercury Press, 2009. Dugan, Paul. A Political History of Atlantis. Oxford: OUP, 2012. Main Pairing: John/Rodney Words: 52843

Tongues of Men and Angels by Mad_Maudlin Author's Summary: When SG-4 is ambushed offworld, an injured Major John Sheppard must put his trust in a Tok'ra agent named McKay to survive. But what secrets is McKay keeping about his mission, the planet, and his own motives for helping John? AU: They didn't go to Atlantis Main Pairing: John/Rodney Words: 58523

Fandom: Sherlock (TV)

The Least of All Possible Mistakes by rageprufrock Author's Summary: If ever a people deserved tasering, it’s Holmeses. Main Pairing: Lestrade/Mycroft AU: Genderbent Lestrade Words: 118096

Fandom: Supernatural

Red by Big Pink [note: seriously, this is one of my favorite fics/series ever and I have the ebooks if you want to not read this on LJ or FF.net] Author's Summary: Something evil is killing treeplanters in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, possibly the same predator that Dean narrowly escaped years before. How Grimm will things get before the brothers figure it out? Main Pairing: none Words: 81839

Fandom: Supernatural/Stargate Atlantis

And All the World Beneath by seperis Author's Summary: Dean remembers Texas as blackland stretching in marker-thick strips of vivid brown and black, broken with the sprawling metroplexes of Dallas and San Antonio and Houston; farms spread with the yellow tops of maize waving in pre-autumn winds, threshers moving complacently through the fields with drowsy men in hats waving at the road. He remembers green and gold fields dotted with cows, half-year calves running on the outskirts of the herds. He remembers these were what he saw between jobs, lives being lived that had nothing to do with creeping twilight and sleeping only behind salt circles and ritual wards. AU: Cthulhu mythos Main Pairing: Dean/John, John/Rodney Words: 67279

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Leave No Soul Behind by whochick Author's Summary: If you're Starfleet, you spend your whole life wishing you never see an EPAS uniform right up until the moment they become your only hope. Whether you're dying a slow, cold death in space, or a long painful one on some godforsaken planet, they're going to come for you. So count your last breaths, son, and hold on tight. They leave no soul behind. AU: Spock did not join Starfleet, he joined the Emergency Personnel Ambulance Service (EPAS) Main Pairing: Kirk/Spock Words: 258951

The Lotus Eaters by aldora89 Author's Summary: Stranded on the planet Sigma Nox while searching for a missing away team, Spock and Kirk find themselves pitted against a disturbing native life form. With the captain out of commission on a regular basis and Spock struggling to preserve his stoicism, staying alive is difficult enough – but when a slim chance for escape surfaces, their resolve is truly put to the test. Together they must fight for survival in the heart of an alien jungle, and in the process, uncover the mystery of the planet’s past. Main Pairing: Kirk/Spock Words: 93594

Only Good for Legends by leupagus Author's Summary: Detective Spock, born on Vulcan and resident of San Francisco, is assigned to the Midwest police bureau. I think everyone can guess what happens next. AU: Spock is a Detective. Otherwise it's pretty much the same, including Kirk's petty criminal tendencies. Main Pairing: Kirk/Spock Words: 149640

So Wise We Grow by Deastar Author's Summary: "Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock's face that he's never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week." AU: kidfic Main Pairing: Kirk/Spock Words: 81248

Switch by Ceres_Libera Author's Summary: The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense. Main Pairing: Kirk/McCoy Words: 230867

Fandom: Torchwood

The Rose of Jericho by kaydeefalls Author's Summary: Post-CoE. When Martha Jones encounters a dark UNIT cover-up in the wake of the 456, it's up to Gwen's new Torchwood team to bring the truth to light -- and save Ianto. AU: alternate ending post Children of Earth Main Pairing: Jack/Ianto Words: 62606

That should keep you busy for a while, right? If you have other long fic recs, let me know in the comments/with a reblog!

[chimbu617]

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Far From Home Thoughts Part 1 a.k.a. MCU Chapter 23

As I did for Homecoming I’m going to split my thoughts on the film up based on looking at it as a film unto itself/part of the MCU and then separately looking at it in terms of being an adaptation. 

However in trying to write the former section I soon realized it was more practical to further partition coverage of the film.

Because MCU films can be looked at not merely as part of a film trilogy/quadrilogy (or as the latest chapter in a specific character’s arc) but as installments in the wider MCU story. Spider-Man: Far From Home is in essence simultaneously ‘Marvel Cinematic Universe Spider-Man 2′ and ‘Marvel Cinematic Universe Part 23′. And those two lenses do affect how you evaluate the film.

So as such I’m going to have three sections across...however many parts it takes. These posts are something of a stream of consciousness so I’m aiming for 3 parts but we’ll see what happens.

Let’s start with how this stacks up as the latest installment in the MCU Saga.

On a scale of Iron Man 3/The Dark World/Captain Marvel to Winter Soldier/Civil War/Endgame, Far From Home sits comfortably in a middling position, much like its predecessor.

Like Homecoming it’s a mostly entertaining time killer, decent popcorn fun...just not quite as high quality popcorn fun as say Avengers 2012 or Iron Man 2008.

Speaking of Iron Man his post-humorous presence in the film illustrative of a strength and weakness of the MCU’s narrative style, hence I’m going to talk a lot about it here.

Whilst the MCU is often touted (even by Disney themselves) as replicating the comic books’ shared cross continuity nature, in truth it doesn’t.

In Marvel comics one can mostly follow Iron Man or Spider-Man or Avengers runs on their own. The shared universe is there and comes into play at times, but really you don’t need to follow everything.

With the MCU, whilst a lot of the films are accessible you really couldn’t just watch the Iron Man Trilogy and call it a day because Tony’s arc plays out across other films too, it climaxes 5+ years after his last solo film. In essence the MCU is like a TV show wherein you get 2-3 episodes per year and the season finales are the Avengers movies.

This is relevant to Far From Home because, despite what anyone tells you, this is the start of Phase/Season 4 and it feels that way (it more or less states that to you at the start of the movie). As such the film acts as MCU Spider-Man 2 but also MCU Chapter 23/MCU Book 4 Chapter 1 and HAS to address the fallout of the last episode/chapter/season finale.

Thus Peter’s arc in FFH gets hijacked as a kind of Endgame/Tony Stark post-mortem...sorta. We’ll talk more about that in another post, but understand that in so far as Tony’s post-mortem does hijack the movie it undermines Peter’s personal narrative.

However, in regards to the post-Endgame state of affairs it is rather unsatisfying, almost disrespectful.

And by disrespectful I mean that as the Marvel Studios logo opens up we have a rendition of ‘I Will Always Love You’ (the Whitney Houston version I believe) over poorly picked out, low res stills of all Avengers who died or didn’t come back in Endgame; to the film’s credit it does look like something a high schooler would make. That is followed by the first of two clunky exposition drops played for laughs and repeating the unrequited romance joke between Betty and Jason from Homecoming, complete with a focus upon Jason’s bewilderment over now being older than his little brother. Oh and let’s not forget the gag about the high school band turning to dust and then reappearing in the middle of a basketball game to wacky effect. The film even makes a point of not  addressing if the Avengers are even around as a team anymore, which is likely a meta commentary as well.

I’ll give the movie this, it made it’s intentions clear. It was not going to really treat the aftermath of the biggest MCU movie with much weight, it was going to be a superfluous, light, fluffy funfest. That’s a stupid direction to adopt after Endgame but at least it didn’t try to trick the viewers that it would be anything else.

Now in spite of that tone and approach the film could still explore how the post-Endgame world has changed. Maybe we won’t get anything dark or dramatic per se, but at least we’ll get some information right?

In fact, as much as I had disdain for this film going in, seeing the post-Endgame MCU was what I was really interested in. And the film delivered on that...initially...in the very same clunky exposition drop played for laughs.

We don’t talk about the blip again apart from 3 or 4 quick references, one of which explained who Mysterio was and why he could’ve duped Fury.

As for how this affected Peter, it didn’t. Many speculated Aunt May might’ve survived the blip but no, we’re told very explicitly she disappeared too.

This is very much a mixed bag for FFH as an MCU film and as a Spider-Man movie (yes I know I said I was separating those two things but it’s more efficient for this next part).

On the one hand for those who want to follow the broader MCU story FFH gives them answers but brief ones. It’s the equivalent to simply googling the answer to a murder mystery rather than experiencing the story unfold towards that answer. We had a huge opportunity to examine the ramifications of such a globally changing phenomenon but we simply acknowledge it happened and then press on as though it didn’t. The same opening exposition makes that clear too when it says that they’re moving on.

On the other hand were the film to properly explore the ramifications of the blip it would hijack the whole movie, even more than the Iron Man post-mortem already was.

On the other other hand having everyone of relevance to Peter’s life (sans Happy and Tony) die and come back, keeping them all ‘synched’ with him basically, is extremely convenient.

On the other other other hand it’d derail his narrative in a huge way if MJ or Ned or May (who’s still not ‘Aunt May’ btw because fuck this movie) were suddenly in their 20s.

On the other x4 hand the presence of such a massively fantastical event like death and resurrection (along with aliens and space technology) has already derailed the verisimilitude of his solo films which began by painting themselves as comparatively more down to Earth and ‘friendly neighbourhood’ even in spite of alien tech being repurposed. The same applies to having him go on international adventures; yet another inconsistency between this and the last Spidey movie.

So it’s very much a case of pick your poison.

Getting back to this film as a Tony Stark tribute, when viewed as part of the ongoing MCU saga it’s presence and handling succeeds more than it fails.

As I said Tony began the MCU and along with Cap was one of the twin pillars holding it up, so his death demands examination. On a metatextual level we need a film grieving Tony Stark before we can move on to the next step.

So in this regard the film giving so much attention to the hole left behind by him and how that’s really the impetus for the entire primary plot of the film is incredibly fitting.*

This applies to Mysterio in a sense.

I’ll talk more about his place when compared to certain other villains in a future instalment, but in the context of this movie his role as a kind of evil Iron Man/pretender to Iron Man’s throne works well. In fact he’s an exceptionally great villain...for Iron Man.** You see where I’m going with this, but that’s for another post.

Lets switch gears a little and discuss another wider MCU element, Nick Fury. At certain points of the film I felt Fury was out of character and a huge jerk. But twist at the end that it was actual Talos mitigated all that, it made sense. It also addressed another huge problem I was having with the movie up until that point, the absence of other heroes.

Like in the trailers the movie takes strides to address why Thor, Captain Marvel and Doctor Strange can’t help out against the Elementals. But of course this leaves the huge problem of literally everyone else. You could make a case for Falcon and Winter Soldier being of little use against such seemingly powerful foes like the Elementals, but what about Scarlet Witch, Black Panther, Valkyrie, etc? Thankfully the Talos reveal addresses this as Talos is ultimately not Nick Fury so wouldn’t have access to all those heroes.

It also sets up for future films, implying the Kree/Skrull War is far from over and that we will soon be seeing S.W.O.R.D.

Really that’s all there is to say about the movie moving forward into the MCU.

We get answers but they’re underwhelming and unsatisfying whilst getting a movie grieving Tony Stark and making the audience feel his loss.

If only Spider-Man himself seemed to feel as upset...

*Too bad all the comedy and light teen drama crap undermines it.

**In fact the entire villainous crew and villain scheme revolves around Iron Man’s legacy. I guess that makes this film also a.k.a. Iron Man in Memoriam 

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Mother dragon (5); Winchester brothers x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey ya’ll okay I first want to say thank you so much for everyone who has taken an interest in this series. I thought no one would give it a shot but now I am in tears at seeing the messages that some of you give me about how much you like this series. And here I present to you, another part and there’s a special treat for you all inside but I won’t tell you what it is, you’ll just have to read and find out.

Taglist:

@onebigfangirlworld

______________________________________________

Part 5

“Mum. Mum.” I groaned tiredly. “Mum wake up.” Oh god the one thing I never missed, even now that he’s practically full grown. I peeled my eyes open to see Deacy hovering over me.

“What is it?” I groaned out.

“Two questions; one what is that symbol on your right shoulder mean?” I peeked over to see my anti-possession tattoo and I said.

“Well,” I rubbed my eyes trying to wake myself up further as I explained, “You remember how I told you about demons?” he nodded and I said as I gestured to my tattoo, “Well once I turned 18, I got this done instead of having to deal with that necklace on all the time. This tattoo on my body makes me immune to demon possessions.”

“Ahh, and second. What’s that suit you’ve got in the closet?”

“What suit?” I asked.  He stood up, walked over to my closet and revealed a secret latch which soon sent my secret falling out.  I quickly got out of the bed and I said to him. “What have I told you about going through my stuff?”

“All I want to know is what it is? It’s not like I’ll tell the brothers. You know you can trust me.” I looked at him an of course those soft brown eyes made me butter up every single time.  And now that he was an adult, it only just made him that much cuter.

“Okay, okay. But promise me you won’t tell them.”

“Would they even listen to me if I did?” my heart ached a little hearing that come out of his mouth.  I walked up to him and grabbed the suit from the rope and placed it on my hidden mannequin.  I also took from my drawers the blueprints I had made years ago and handed them to him.

“It’s just a fantasy really, but after remembering that time seeing you fly, I just felt this rush of adrenaline and thought ‘hell why can’t I make one?’ Wings here are made of a flexible but durable leather texture that kinda resemble bat wings. They’re controlled by these pulley here, pull the string and out they pop. The suit itself is light weight so it’s not as bulky as the 2012 Ironman suit in the Avengers, but it’s strong and bullet proof at least.”

“You know dragon skin is the toughest shield there is, even stronger than your regular bullet proof vests. Maybe we can rework the cover of the armor. Make it more dragonesque.” He said.

“We?”

“Yes. This is a really cool design mum. And I think once it’s fully ready we can take it for a test drive.”

“And how do you plan on doing that Mr. Smart guy? We’ll be spotted anywhere here in Kansas.”

“We’ll find a way. So how long did it take you to build this?”

“Well after helping Dean fix his baby, and him teaching me a thing or two about electrical engineering, about…..2 and a half years. Also taking in the time to work on cases with the boys, helping save the world a couple of times. The usual procrastination stuff.” He nodded and he said.

“This is a well-made suit mum. Finally joining team dragons are yah?”

“Again Deacy it’s just a fantasy. I don’t even know if this suit will even work, it’s never been tested out and I’ve had it done for 9 months now.”

“Yo (y/n)!” I heard Dean say from the other side of my door.

“Shit.” I muttered as I quickly hid the suit in my closet and shut it.  I quickly turned towards Deacon and was shocked to realize that he was also shirtless. “Gah Deacy put your shirt back on.” I whispered to him as I frantically started trying to find where he had tossed his shirt but couldn’t find it anywhere?

“Why?”

“Because if Dean walks in and sees you like—this he’ll think we…..that you…..” but it was too late, Dean opened my door.  He still wore his robe and dark blue nightshirt and shorts as well as his slippers.

“We need to—” Dean opened the door and the second he saw Deacon in my room shirtless, the tiredness immediately left his face as he turned between him and me. “I’mma get my gun.” He bluntly stated as he turned to walk out of my room.

“Dean…..” I stepped forward but he quickly turned around and got into a karate-style like defense position.

“If you truly believe that I would ever turn on my mother like how you’re thinking, you’re even sicker than I thought you were.” Deacy said as he sat down at the foot of my bed.

“Yeah then why the hell don’t you have a shirt on? More importantly why are you in her room?”

“Because you weren’t going to give him a room and dragons get antsy when they’re in unfamiliar places so I allowed him to stay here. Dean c’mon, not this early.”

“Come on? Are you kid…..Look…..This….moth—You and me. Library. Right now.” He spoke his last statement as he tied the strings of his robe around his waist closing his robe around him staring me down like a pissed off dad who caught his daughter having sex with her boyfriend. “Come on!” he pointed behind him emphasizing his demand.

I sighed heavily and turned to Deacy before walking out of my room.  I could imagine Deacon trying to follow me because next thing I knew, Dean stopped Deacon by crying out at like he was disciplining a dog.

We reached the library and there I saw Sam as well as Cas.

“Cass, well this is a surprise.”

“Hello (y/n).” he greeted me.

“Hey young lady, we still need to talk about what happened back there.” Dean said as he came into the library.  I sighed annoyed as Sam said.

“What happened? What’s going on?”

“I found our little lizard guest was shirtless as he slept with his ‘mother’.”

“Dean I’m gonna ask you as nicely as I can. Can you please get your head out of your ass by this much so that I can explain myself?!” I rubbed my temples and continued, “Nothing happened, okay. When I went to bed he had a shirt on, okay?”

“Should I even ask what this is all about?” asked Cass confused.

“We’ve got a dragon in the bunker.” Explained Sam.

“A—a what?!”

“Yeah a dragon, they still exist and she’s the mother of the one we got.” Dean stated bluntly.

“How—”

“It’s a long story, we’ll fill you in later.” Sam explained.

“But…..how were you not captured? Dragons are attracted to virgin women, that dragon should’ve take you to its den.” Cass said.

“Yes, thank you Cass. I know how dragons are around women.” I sneered.

“Sorry it’s just that. Dragons are attracted to the smell of virgin women and if they aren’t virgins then, they lash out aggressively.” Cass continued to explain not helping my cause.

“Oh god (y/n) please tell you’re—” Dean started off and that’s when I proclaimed.

“Seriously?! When would I have time to give away my V card guys? I’ve lived in the woods for 6 years of my life, most of my teenage life trying to survive. I was in the system for two till I was legal and by then I met you two knuckleheads. When exactly would I have time to have a one night stand with someone?”

“Are we still on the discussion whether I’ll take my mum away from you all?” Deacon’s voice soon piped up.  We turned around and I saw that Deacon was now dressed in one of Dean’s shirts as well as a pair of his jeans.

“Is that my Led Zeppelin shirt?” Dean snapped.

“Dean don’t.” I said.

“There’s another one of you here. But he’s not human.” Deacon spoke up wearily as he stared Cass down.

“Cass, this is my adopted son Deacon. I found him shortly after he was hatched. Deacy, this is Castiel he’s……”

“I’m an angel of the Lord.” He spoke up for me. Deacon’s eyes widened before he turned to Cass.

“It’s okay Deacy, he’s not like that last angel you and I encountered. You can trust Cass” I assured him.  He hummed and nodded before saying.

“As I was saying earlier, I’ve known my mother since I was a few days old. Barely enough time to fully imprint with my real mother. (Y/n) has filled in the rest of the imprint of being my mother and that’s all I see her as. Not a threat, not prey, not an obsession. Just my mother, and nothing else.” I walked over towards Deacy.

He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck affectionately as I heard the soft purrs coming out of him.  I stroked through his long hair and said.

“And that’s all I see Deacon as. Not a lover, not a monster, and most certainly not a soulless beast, but my son.”

*3rd Person POV*

Dean was currently going through the Men of Letter’s library, trying to find anything about dragons that they might have found.  He was also using Sam’s laptop to do some basic animal researching on imprinting, of course most of the search revolved around the Twilight movies but the stuff he did manage to find basically stated the same thing.

“Dude how many times have I told you not to use my laptop? Last time you used it; it froze for a month all because of your Asian porn searching.”

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist Sammy, I’m actually doing some real research this time.”

“And what would that be?”

“Dragons and imprinting. I’m still not buying this crap Deacon’s saying.”

“Well what all have you found out?” Sam asked as he sat down in front of his brother.

“Well the Men of Letters say in this book of how ‘dragons always claim a female virgin in order to sustain their lustful urges.’ Nothing about imprinting or whether a dragon could imprint on a human at the first few moments of birth.”

“What have you found out about Imprinting?”

“Basically the same thing that when an animal is born, the first thing they see they child-parental bond is formed. The animal will just follow you like a lost puppy. Kinda like you do most days.” Sam looked at his brother and he said.

“And both (y/n) and Deacon have said that it was just a few days after he ‘hatched’ that they both met each other.”

“Exactly. Plus it’s been what—seven years since they’ve seen each other. Who knows what that guy’s been up to since then. What if he came into contact with another dragon? Could’ve been taught how to be a real dragon, fallen off the wagon?”

“That is a possibility. I mean it happens with cats and dogs if they become strays for a certain amount of years. But I have to ask, why would he not take her to his nest? Why let her stay back at her old home and not take her away?”

“It could be a play. After all he was raised by (y/n). She’s clever.”

“Yeah but Dean maybe—maybe there’s a chance that Deacon is different than the dragons we encountered a few years back after I got my soul back.”

“Until I see something about it, then Deacon’s still a menace and a danger to (y/n). Now why don’t you help me out here and see if you can find anything that I’m missing here.”

Reluctantly but understanding of where Dean was coming from, Sam picked up another book and began reading as closely as he could through every word and every page on the behavior of dragons.

*My POV*

I was out for my mid-morning run through the woods, I had allowed Deacon to make some adjustments that he saw would benefit my dragon armor and make it even more authentic.  I soon stopped panting softly at a cliff’s edge that overlooked the lower levels of the forests.

“Hello (y/n).” I jumped a bit but knew that it was only Cass.

“Damnit Cass how many times must we go through this? Had I not already been through this, I would’ve probably fallen over the cliff.”

“Sorry.” I waved off the apology and said.

“What is it that you came out here for? I know you’ve got something on your mind.”

“It’s about Deacon.”

“Why what’s happened? Is he okay? Did Dean do something to him? If he did I swear to God—”

“He’s fine. It’s more so about your relationship with Deacon than anything else.” I sighed heavily and said.

“Cass please—”

“You are aware of what he is right?”

“Yes Cass I’ve known since the beginning. I came across his mother’s corpse at 11 years old. I watched as poachers, not hunters, poachers which means they hunt for sport, not protection. Come up to her and started admiring her cold, dead corpse and talking about how much they were going to make off of her piece. By piece. If I didn’t allow Deacon to come with me, he would’ve been sold off too, if not killed, while still looking like a 6 year old boy.”

“I understand where you’re coming from. But (y/n) that was all in the past. It’s been years since you’ve seen Deacon. How do you know he won’t revert back to what a dragon is supposed to do?”

“If he had, don’t you think I wouldn’t be here?”

“Some dragons bait their victims on. Don’t you think Deacon could’ve gotten in contact with other dragons and they taught him how to behave like a real one?” I refused to answer that because Deacon already told me everything.

“What exactly are you trying to say Cass? Stop with the riddles and just say it to my face.”

“Deacon’s now a full grown dragon. It wouldn’t be safe for you to have him at this rate. He’s not some pet that you can keep—”

“Didn’t I just say back there that he’s not a pet. I don’t see him as one. He’s my son.”

“And as a parent you must know that all children grow up. While we are grateful to him for saving you from the Vetala pack, he—he has to go back to his home. Wherever that is.”  Oh I see where this is going.

“Well I hate to disappoint you Cass, but he’s not going anywhere. As his mother he’s going to stay here. I’ve been searching for him for seven years. I thought he had been killed, and now that I’ve found him, he’s never leaving my side again. I can take care of him, protect him and ensure that no hunter goes after him.”

“(Y/n), you’re not thinking clearly. He’s built his own life somehow. I know he’s told you that. What if he has a mate back home? Children? They’ll need him.” But as Cass kept ranting on trying to get me to see reason, I heard something in the air.

It was a deep, low wind gust.  But I knew better, it didn’t sound like wind at all. Plus I have been out here for over an hour and no wind has blown yet, in fact the weather said there wouldn’t be any wind today.

“Cass be quiet.” I said.

“No (y/n) you need to hear—”

“No, no serious quiet!” I was alert and Cass seemed to sense something as well.

“What was that?” my stomach dropped and I muttered.

“Cass get down.” Then suddenly flying right up the cliff’s edge were two large dragons.

One was a massive spiked dark dragon with red like fins decorated down along it’s neck.  It also sported a couple of horns at the side of it’s head but it was definitely bigger than how I’ve seen Deacy’s dragon form.  The other dragon was smaller than the first and almost appeared like a cross between dragon and an owl.

It’s owl-like face sported a crown of horns and fins kinda like a lionfish and it’s scales consisted mainly orange and brown.

The two dragons circled around me and Cass who was holding me close to him as the two of us had ducked down so that we wouldn’t be blown away by the wind gust that I knew dragons had.  They both let out roars as they finally hovered over us, and what was shocking to see with the owl-like dragon was that it’s two large wings suddenly split into four wings.

It tilted it’s head in a straight vertical line as it’s huge golden eyes stared directly at me.  It turned towards the bigger dragon grumbling out a low roar, almost as if they were speaking to each other.  The bigger dragon glared down at me with hateful eyes as it let out a low growl before roaring down at me.

Both Cass and I covered our ears at the agonizing loudness of the roar.  But what we didn’t know was that suddenly appearing out of the woods was another dragon. However compared to the two others, it was more of a giant serpent.  Cass turned around and suddenly there was just the force of being knocked forward before I found myself in the clutches of this serpent dragon.

I soon found myself being flown hundreds of feet into the air and I looked up at the black and gold dragon that now had me in it’s claws.  I soon heard the sound of grunting and I looked down towards the tail and saw Cass hanging on for dear life.

He placed his finger to his lips trying not to let me give away his cover but the large black dragon huffed and roared at the dragon that had me as its attention turned towards Cass.

The giant serpent dragon then whipped it’s whip-like tail trying to get Cass off of him.  Cass tried to hold on as best as he could but all it took was just three whips to finally send him flying back down to earth.

“NOOO!!! CASS!!!” I cried out as he got smaller and smaller before I finally lost him as me and the dragons flew higher and higher. Due to the insane air pressure the higher we flew, I must’ve ended up passing out because next thing I saw was nothing but darkness and I kept muttering Cass’s name as well as Sam’s, Dean’s and Deacon’s.

*3rd Person POV*

Cass fell about 1000 feet straight back down towards the forest and the second he fell to the ground, the only thing he saw were the three giant figures of the dragons flying away from him.

“(Y/n)……no, no (y/n)…..” he tried to get up but his body was in pain from the sudden impact, the last thing he saw were the dragons taking away his dear friend.

As the dragons continued flying higher and higher beyond the clouds.  The owl-like dragon’s eyes did something that no other dragon’s could do.  They suddenly glowed pure gold and suddenly appearing out in the air was a portal.  

One by one each of the dragons flew through the portal and once the serpent like dragon’s full body went through it, the portal closed and disappeared, just as quickly as it had appeared.

The dragons now came upon a series of mountain cliffs filled with nothing but greenery and sea water.  They flew through the mountain terrain through the entrance of a cave until finally arriving at a nesting area within the mountain.

Hundreds of dragons soon awoke from their slumber to see the three dragons reenter the picture with a human intact.  The serpent dragon gently set (y/n) down before backing away.  The owl-like dragon soon came up and as it walked toward (y/n) it changed from a dragon to human as did the other two.

As (y/n) was slowly coming around, she groaned and looked up and through a blurry vision, she saw a man staring down at her with a tuff of short brown hair, the scruff of a beard going all over his face and deep blue eyes staring down at her.  She heard the low rumble of dragon growls before she passed out once more.

“Is she dead?” The brown haired dragon turned towards the other two.  One was an Egyptian man with short black hair, a strong jawline and blue eyes much like the owl-like dragon has in his human form but not quite as deep.  The other male who had asked the question had messy, curly blond hair and had greenish eyes.

He was more strongly built and he just seemed to have the Alpha-like stance and attitude, and around his face were old faded battle scars.  The dragon who was standing over (y/n) then answered.

“No, humans don’t have the compacity to withstand sudden high altitude elevation. She’ll live though.”

“Good. Wouldn’t be too sporty of me to kill her if she’s already dead.”

“Easy Warren, we know how you feel about humans but there’s questions that need to be answered.” Spoke the Egyptian.

“Apophis is right. Like who she is and why she’s swarmed with Deacon’s scent.” Answered the brunette.

[cosmichoneyedblossoms]

Distance

Pairing: Park Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Word Count: oh honey... 6,810

A/N: I got a request a little bit ago to do a LONG angsty/fluffy Chanyeol imagine including pregnancy, sooooo, here it is! I hope you like it @babybunnysworld ☺️

Chanyeol’s lived in Seoul since he was born, so he pretty much knew the city like the back of his hand. Everyone knew him, all the shops in the area surrounding the dorm loved to see him when he actually got time away from the recording studio and the other members, but today, he actually had a reason to be out. One of his guitar strings snapped and he, unfortunately, didn’t have any extras in the dorm or in the studio, so that meant taking a trip to his usual music shop, but as he reached the shop, a sign on the door caught his attention, “Store temporarily closed due to illness. If in need of supplies, please visit The Music Box at this address…”

“Really guys? It’s only when I ever need you that you’re closed.” He sighed, pulling out his phone, his thumb opening up the maps app, and typing in the address listed, “A ten minute walk?” He glanced the way it pointed him to go, his eyes landing on a small alley path he’d never seen before. In all the years that he’s lived here, how is it he’s never heard of the shop ‘The Music Box’?

His followed the blue line on his phone that led him to an old shopping district. The buildings that still stood were faded shades of their original colors, the painted brick weather by the seasons that past through Seoul for many years, “You have reached your destination. The destination is on your left.” He turned off the navigation app before looking to the left of him to see a white painted building with a dark wood sign hanging from the side of the store that said, “Welcome to The Music Box.” Compared to the shop he usually went to, he would consider this store vintage; the building was obviously weathered, but well taken care of, the two large bow windows were clean and held gorgeous instruments on display, and the bright red door was eye-catching as well. Chanyeol shrugged as he walked up to the door and pushed it open, the bell on the door barely dinging as he walked into the shop.

Upon walking into the store, the inside was noticeably different than the outside. He was greeted by ceiling to floor bookshelves, a cream-colored settee with a button-tufted back paired with two accent chairs of the same elegance on either side of the settee. His eyes soon traveled over the gray painted walls that held all kinds of string instruments—guitars, violins, violas, cellos, basses, and even ukuleles and banjos. He wandered down the long aisles of bookshelves that were filled with scorebooks, as well as music history books; his fingers gently ran over their spines as the twinkling sound of piano keys reached his ears. He followed the melody to the back of the store to see you sitting on the bench with your eyes closed, completely engrossed in playing the song that was flowing from your fingertips. You looked tiny behind the black grand piano, but even so, you had it under your control, which Chanyeol admired. He had never had someone as beautiful as you appear before his eyes, and in one of his favorite places no less; you took his breath away from his lungs and you hadn’t even exchanged words with him. He leaned against the bookshelf, indulging in the scene that was unraveling in front of him.

Your fingers came to a stop on the keys, the sound of the piano quieting as you pulled away from the keys and opened your eyes. You caught a glimpse of someone standing at the end of the bookshelves and you stood quickly to meet his gaze. The moment your eyes connected, you knew that there would be something there, “I’m sorry for your wait.”

“Clair De Lune, right?” He asked and your eyes widened before you nodded.

“You heard that much to even pick out the title?” Your cheeks turned a slight pink under his gaze, “We’re not supposed to play any of the instruments while on the clock, I’m sorry if I disturbed your shopping.”

“Oh, no, I really enjoyed watching you play. It was quite beautiful.” His words brought a shy smile to your lips and he stood from his spot on the bookshelf, making his way towards you.

“Thank you…” The deep cognac tainted irises came close to you, making your heart race, “I-Is there anything I can help you with…?” You tried to break eye contact with him, but his eyes had you hypnotized.

“New guitar strings would be great.” His flat expression lifted, the corners of his plush pink lips rose up into a smile, them parting to show his pearly white teeth. Your heart fluttered at his smile—he was gorgeous, godly handsome. His black curly hair was styled to perfection, stunning sharp sculpted features dressed in flawless silk, dark clothes hugged his tall figure, them showing every muscular curve on his body. You swallowed hard, tearing your gaze from him to walk around behind the glass counter, your hand grabbing a set of keys. Your fingers fumbled pulling out the right key from the bunch, your shaky hands then inserted the key into the case lock, and unlocked it.

“Is there a certain strings you needed? Electric or Acoustic? ” You started to reach for the cheaper sets of strings when you heard his voice behind you.

“Acoustic, if you have D'Addario, that would be great.”

“Expensive strings, but great quality.” You grabbed the large box of strings and sat it on the counter, “Any particular gauge?” You pulled the blue, red, purple, and orange boxes from the large box on the counter as you waited for a response; with no response from him, you turned to see him not at the counter at more. You scanned the store from your spot, wondering where he went when your eyes found him at the wall behind the piano.

Chanyeol studied the pictures, certificates, and ribbons hanging on the wall, the pictures showing the same little girl, holding the certificates and ribbons. For every new year, there was a picture of a little girl, but a year older, she grew with grace and elegance through the years, but they stopped at 2012. He ran his fingers over the small gold plaque that say next to the picture, his voice coming out hoarse as he read it, “Y/N, First Place Winner of the Seoul Classical Piano Competition.”

“College got in the way of competitions, that’s why it stops at 2012.” Your voice startled him and he turned around to face you.

“These are all you?” He took a look at you, flicking his gaze to the pictures on the wall, and then back to you.

“Yeah, out of all my siblings, I was the one who enjoyed playing the most. You would think running a music store we all would fall into it, but it wasn’t the case.” You shrugged, rolling your eyes a bit.

“So this is your family’s store?” He took a few steps towards you as you nodded.

“Since 1952, when my great grandfather took over this business. My grandfather took over in 1970, two years before my father was born, and my dad took over in 1989 when my older brother was born, and here we are now.” Chanyeol watched your eyes glisten as you talked about your family and your beloved music store, he could tell this place meant a lot to you, “Oh crap!” You gasped, “I forgot about your strings.” You rushed back behind the counter and he followed you, chuckling a bit.

“I’ll take the light gauge, if you have any left.”

“Yes!” You grabbed the blue box and rang it up on the register, “Alright, it’ll be 59 dollars and 67 cents.” You watched as he pulled out his wallet, then a black credit card.

“You guys are cheaper than Shredders. They would’ve charged me a fortune.” The heart-stopping smile appeared on his lips once more as you took his card from him. You slid the card, trying to calm your fluttering butterflies in your stomach when your eyes caught the name on the card.

“Park Chanyeol?” You looked up at him, it finally hitting you who he was, “I never would’ve guessed Exo’s rapper would be in my store.” His eyes widened as he took his card from your hand.

“I was surprised you didn’t know who I was when I walked in the door.” He nervously slipped his card back into his wallet. You smiled at him while putting his strings into a bag.

“It never had occurred to me that someone famous would be walking into our store.” Your reaction was one he didn’t expect, he expected a screaming fan and he’d have to make a quick getaway, but you were calm and still acting like he was a normal person and not a celebrity. The ding of the doorbell grabbed your attention and then a deep male voice reached you.

“Y/N! We have new shipments in, will you—” Your father came into your vision, his eyes moving off of you onto Chanyeol, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a customer.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I was about to leave.” Chanyeol replied, his smile coming back to his lips.

“I’ll be there in a minute, papa.” He nodded to you, vanishing from your sight and you turned your eyes back to Chanyeol, “Thank you for stopping in today, if you’re ever in the area again, please feel free to stop by and say hi.” You lifted his bag up and started to hand it to him.

“I definitely will.” He hummed, his fingers brushing over yours as he took the bag from you. You thought that he was hypnotizing, but in his eyes you were mesmerizing; he wished that your father had waited a few more minutes before popping into the store so he could at least get your number, but now that he was there, it felt like it would be impossible. He, reluctantly, left the store, his walk back to the dorm feeling like an eternity.

It had been days since he stepped foot into your music store and it was driving him insane. He wanted to see you, wanted to talk to you, wanted to spend every waking moment with you, but he still hadn’t gotten the courage to confront you again. When he closed his eyes, your image came to him so clearly, the way you sat behind the piano, a faint smile playing upon your lips, strands of your hair swaying with every movement you made, even with your eyes closed, your fingers didn’t miss a key. A sigh escaped him as he opened his eyes to see three other sets looking at him.

“Are we boring you?” Kyungsoo asked, kinking an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, we’re trying to play a game and you keep spacing out, the hell is up with that?” Baekhyun whined, sitting his cards face down on the table.

“Sorry guys, I just have some a lot going on in my head.” He replied, running his fingers through his thick curly locks.

“If we’re interrupting you, you can leave if you want.” Chen shuffled the deck of cards once more, Chanyeol immediately getting up to his feet.

“I’ll be back in a bit, don’t wait up for me.” He rushed to the front door, slipping out of his slippers, quickly lacing up his converse sneakers, and running out the door. His heart pounded in his chest as he ran to the shop, as he got close to the store, his feet soon came to a stop; it finally hit him that he didn’t know what time it was or what time the store closed, why did he just run out here without a plan? He turned around on his heels, cursing the fact that he had become so impulsive.

“Chanyeol?” He turned around at the sound of his name to see you standing near the shop with your hands full of books and papers, “What’re you doing here so late? It’s almost eleven at night.”

“Oh… I…” He became flustered at your question, not knowing how to answer, “I was just taking a walk—here let me help you.” He approached you, taking the books from your hands.

“Thank you.” You flashed a smile up at him while you dug your keys out of your jacket pocket and walked up to the shop door, unlocking it, and opening it, “Please come in.” He walked in at your invitation and sat the books down onto the glass counter, turning to look at you. You made his heart flutter, with every second you were in his sight he fell for you more and more.

“Y/N?” He whispered, your attention being pulled to him.

“What’s up?”

“I lied. I wasn’t on a walk. I was actually on my way here to see you.” You felt a fire climb up into your cheeks at his words, his heavy gaze starting to wake the butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

“See me? Do you need more strings? Let me get—” You broke the connection between you and began to walk past him to get behind the counter when his hand grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You met his bourbon irises once more, their beauty leaving you speechless.

“You’ve been running amuck in my mind, and before I knew it I was running here to see you.” You couldn’t deny the fact that he had been dancing around in your thoughts, appearing when you least expect it, you even had an EXO playlist on repeat so you could hear his voice one more time, “I don’t know if this is too much to ask of you, but…go on a date with me.”

“A—a date?” Your words tripped over themselves as your heart thrashed around inside your rib cage.

“Yes.”

“When?” You asked and a smile appeared on his luscious lips.

“How about now? Frostbite is open until midnight and I’m dying for something sweet.” His eyes glistened under the warm glow of the store lights, making it almost impossible to say no to him. You nodded your answer and his smile grew even wider, “Well, let’s go.”

“A company party? You mean like with everyone from S.M. there?” You asked while sitting down on the bed, Chanyeol’s head popping out from the closet.

“Yeah, they said we could bring a date and the guys told me to bring you along. It’s just to celebrate the new year and I would love for you to come and meet all my friends and spend time with me and the guys.”

“Oh, so Irene is going to be there.” You huffed, rolling your eyes.

“Well she is part of S.M. so, yeah she’ll be there.”

“Perfect.” Chanyeol could sense the sarcasm in your voice, causing him to come out of the closet in one of his nice suits.

“What is your problem with her?”

“I just don’t like her. I feel like she’s trying to take my boyfriend from me. The nonstop texting, the constant facetimes while you’re with me, not to mention at all the award shows for the past year she’s been all over you.” Chanyeol watched your face fall as you listed off more things that upset you about her.

“Y/N...” He walked over to you, squatting down to peer up into your face, “She’s just a friend.”

“Chan—” He reached up, his hands coming to cradle your face, his thumbs gently rubbing your cheeks.

“She can’t replace you or even come close to taking your spot.” His umber eyes searched yours, the frustrated feelings that had ruined your mood vanished as you gazed into his dark irises.

“Promise?”

“I promise, my love.” You leaned down at his answer, pressing your lips to his. He slowly pulled away from you, a soft smile playing upon his lips, “Come with me, please? It won’t be any fun without you.” You tried to fight the grin that was coming to your lips but couldn’t.

“Fine. Let me go get ready. Can’t go looking like a bum, can I?”

It didn’t occur to you how many artists S.M. held until you were in a room with all of them. Members from SHINee, NCT, Girls Generation, as well as all the Rookies passed by you, your mind feeling starstruck as you took in the beauty of the idols around you. You spent hours connected to Chanyeol’s hip as well as the other boys when he stepped away, between the finger foods and alcohol, your buzz started to take flight. “Chanyeol…” You tugged on his sleeve, attempting to grab his attention when someone caught your eye, Irene, “Oh no...” Suho heard your growl and turned to look at you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he followed your line of sight to Irene. You had vented to Suho about what was going on with Chanyeol, not like you would tell Chanyeol that you were talking to Suho about your relationship problems, but he seemed to be the one you could trust the most, “Want me to go distract her?”

“No…” You reluctantly answered, knowing that she would find a way to him eventually. Suho rubbed your back and you leaned your head onto Chanyeol’s arm, his head turning away from the conversation he was having with Baekhyun to look down at you.

“What’s wrong? You tired?” You shook your head and slipped your hand into his, his fingers intertwining with yours, “Are you sure? We’ve been here for a while, we can go home if you want.”

“Actually—”

“Chanyeol!” The voice you dreaded so much reached your ears, making your skin crawl.

“Irene!” A smile came to his lips as she approached him.

“I was worried that I wouldn’t get to see you!” Her eyes fell down to you, a fake smile pasting itself to her lips, “I see you brought your girlfriend.”

“Yes, Irene this is Y/N, and Y/N you know who Irene is.”

“I do.”

“How do you know, Chanyeol?” She crossed her arms, passing a grin between Chanyeol and I.

“We met at the music store my parents own.”

“Oh? That’s cute, we’ve been friends for a long time now. Since our trainee days if I remember correctly.” A tight smirk found its way to your lips, leaving a sour taste on your tongue.

“It’s amazing that you two have been friends for so long. He talks about you all the time.”

“Oh really?” Her eyes lit up at my words.

“Absolutely. I have to say, I have no idea how you haven’t fallen in love with him yet. Lucky for me, though.” A gasp left her lips and Chanyeol’s fingers tightened around your hand.

“She’s just playing around, isn’t that right, Y/N?”

“He’s right, just playing around.” You glanced up at him, a very disgruntled expression on his face. You knew that he wasn’t going to like what came out of your mouth before you said it, but you did it anyway and now he’s upset.

“Y/N.” You turned your head at your name, Sehun coming into your vision, “Let’s go get you a drink?”

“Yeah, lets.” You pulled your hand from his grip and followed Sehun over to the drink table, a heavy sigh coming from your lips, “Thanks for getting me out of there.”

“No problem, Suho noticed how tense it got and asked me to help relieve some of the tension.” Sehun took a glass of champagne from the table, handing it to you. You sipped it slowly, watching Irene and Chanyeol converse, the more you watched the more frustrated you became. Your heart ached as you took in the bright smiles, tender gazes, and light touches, “Woah, Y/N.”

“What?” You looked up at Sehun, his hand raising up a napkin to dab at your cheeks.

“Why’re you crying?” He asked and you finally noticed that silent tears that were making an appearance. You took the napkin from him and wiped away your tears while sitting your drink down.

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry.” A fake laugh came out to cover your breaking heart as you sniffled, “I think I’m going to head home.”

“Let me go get Chan—”

“No. I’ll let him know, but he’ll probably want to spend his time with Irene.” It hit Sehun what was going on as he watched you make your way to them; while walked to them, you tried your best to pull yourself together before you reached them. You made sure all your tears were wiped away, you took a deep breath to attempt to calm your nerves, and finally called out to him, “Chanyeol.” His eyes flicked from Irene to you, a wide smile coming to his lips.

“Hey, baby.” He pulled you to him and pressed his lips to your forehead.

“We were just talking about you.” Irene gave you a small smile, a hint of confusion seeding itself into your mind.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, she was asking what you have planned for this summer and I said probably running the store and school.” Chanyeol rubbed your back, confusion starting to grow.

“Since we’re going on tour together this summer, I was curious how you were going to keep busy while Chanyeol was on tour.”

“In three months… Red Velvet and EXO are going on tour… together?” You looked up at Chanyeol whose face fell completely flat.

“You didn’t know?” Irene’s voice made the ache in your chest more painful.

“I didn’t know…” You kept your gaze fixed onto Chanyeol, his body tensing up the more Irene talked.

“We’ll be gone for three months touring around the world.” You forced a smile onto your face before turning towards Irene.

“How lovely, well, Irene, it was very nice to meet you, but seeing as I have to open the store in the morning, I must take my leave.”

“Wait, Y/N—” You slipped out of his touch, his hand quick to grab yours.

“You’re more than welcome to stay and continue to drink with your friends, but I’m going home.” You shook off his hand, starting to walk away from them, Chanyeol’s voice following you.

“Baby— Hold on— Hey—” His voice continued to trail behind you; you made it all the way outside before his hand finally grabbed your wrist to stop you, “Will you just wait a moment—” He walked in front of you, his eyes catching the tears falling down your face, “What’s wrong? Baby, talk to me.”

“I want to go home…” You sniffled, wiping your tears from your face with the back of your hand.

“Let me go tell the guys I’m leaving then—”

“You mean, let you go tell Irene you’re leaving. Don’t even worry about it.” You ripped your wrist from his hand, a sigh coming from his chest.

“Back on the Irene thing—”

“Yes, Chanyeol because I can see the way you stare at her! The way your eyes light up when you see her or when you talk to her, text her, facetime her, everything!” Your voice cracked from the pain that was rising up in your chest, tears rolled down your cheeks, staining your dress, and Chanyeol’s face contorted with anger.

“Who are you to talk to me about talking to other people and getting excited when you talk to them?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like I don’t see you getting all buddy-buddy with Suho. You guys text every day and the fact that he was all touchy with you today, pissed me off—”

“Our relationship isn’t even like that! I talk to Suho because he’s the only one I can trust with our relationship problems! He knows you better than you know yourself—”

“Oh whatever—” You rolled your eyes and kept moving towards the car, needing to get away from him, needing to breathe fresh air, but he stopped you, “We’re not done with this conversation, Y/N!”

“Go run back to your girlfriend—”

“You are my girlfriend!” Hearing his words finally broke something inside you and you turned to meet his eyes.

“Not for a while I haven’t! I’ve just been Irene’s place holder—”

“Who said I was dumping you?”

“You didn’t have to tell me, I can just see that you’re happier with her than you are me…” Chanyeol heard your heart breaking through your voice, his own heart falling into the pit of his stomach.

“Baby, no I’m not.”

“Whatever, just take me home.” You tore your gaze from his, pulled your arm from his grip, and continued to the car. You never imagined your first fight would revolve around another girl, you thought it would be over something like money or lack of time spent together, but not another girl.

The car ride home was silent, nothing but the sound of the engine roaring and the faint sound of classical music trickling from the speakers. Your eyes stayed glued to the scenery blurring outside your window, the quiet sighs from Chanyeol bringing forth the pain in your chest. Chanyeol parked the car near the store and you walked up to the door next to the store and unlocked it, making your way up to your home above the store. Chanyeol followed you up to the stairs, unable to fathom any words, not that he thought anything would make you feel better. He noticed he was getting closer to Irene, but didn’t realize how close he was to losing you in the crossfire.

“Baby…” He whispered to you as he closed the apartment door. You ignored him and walked to the bedroom, slamming the door behind you. You didn't want to hear him right now, you needed to calm down, needed to gather your thoughts; you loved Chanyeol more than anything in this world and the thought of losing him hurt.

“No, he's not leaving me…” You whispered to yourself as you mustered up enough energy to strip out of your clothes and pull on one of his shirts, turn off the lights, and then crawl into the cold bed. Chanyeol laid on the couch in his boxers, the events that just happened played out in his head, your tear stained face burned into his memory. He had never made you cry before and he never wanted to see you cry in the first place, watching the love of his life crumble before him, just broke him. He sat up on the couch and glanced down the hall at the bedroom door before getting up and making his way toward it. He quietly opened the door to see you laying in the dark under the blankets, the urge to hold you bubbled up inside him and that’s what he was going to do. He closed the door behind him and he walked over to his side of the bed and got into it, noticing your back was facing him.

“Baby…” He breathed, waiting for a response, words, a grunt, something, but you just laid there, wordlessly. He reached out, his fingers ghosting over your arm, “Please let me hold you.” It was only a moment that you didn’t want to respond, only a moment where you wanted to scream at him, only a moment where you wanted to kick him out of the bed, but you turned over and moved closer to him, his arms wrapping around your shape. He pressed gentle kisses to your forehead while running his finger through your hair, “I’ll stop talking to her… I don’t want to lose you, Y/N…” You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled into his chest before looking up at him.

“You don’t…?”

“Of course not, I love you more than there are stars in the sky. I never want to lose you.” Even in the darkness of the bedroom, you could see the warmth of his eyes; his hands trailed up your body to caress your cheeks, soft lips molded to yours, sending warmth through your body. You pulled away a bit to catch your breath, the mixture of yours and Chanyeol’s air became intoxicating. He slid his thumb over your plumpness, his tongue making an appearance as he licked his own; he pressed a kiss to your lips once more as his hands found your bare thighs. Soul withering kisses burned every last upset emotion you had, the feeling of want quickly replacing them.

“Chanyeol…” Your voice breathed between swollen lips.

“Please… I want to touch you…”

“Show me how much you love me.” Those seven words ignited a fire inside him, his hands made quick work of the fabric covering your heat—his body eager to feel you, to please you, to show you how much he loves you. Beautiful long fingers pushed their way into your core, finding your sweet spot so easily, your voice creating a quiet whimper that was like music to his ears. He loved hearing your breathless moans as he pleasured you, admiring your body as it writhed under his delicate touch, witnessing ecstasy melting into you—he loved it all. He teased you until your juices were dripping down his hand, playing with your sticky insides turned his growing erection into a painfully throbbing one that was begging for release. In a rush, he pulled his boxers off and positioned himself between your legs, his eyes flashing up to meet yours.

“Can I?” He asked and you nodded quickly, reaching out to him. He leaned down to press a kiss onto your lips while you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he slowly pushed his length into you, a gasp of pleasure leaving you before he rolled his hips into the back of your thighs. His lips placed blistering kisses against your skin as his hips thrusted into you at a steady pace, every deep stroke had him hitting your sensitive nerves, “God, I love you…” Chanyeol groaned, feeling your nails dig into the skin of his back, his thrusts becoming harder and erratic as he felt your walls clamp around him.

“Please don’t stop… I’m so close…” You breathlessly begged, your high right on the brink.

“Baby, I’m about to cum…” He warned, resting his forehead against yours.

“Cum with me…” Your lips connected once more, both of your highs melting into your bodies. Between the hazy feeling swirling around in your head and your heavy breaths, you managed to form coherent words, “Chanyeol… I’m so in love with you…”

“I know, baby. I’m in love with you more than you know.” Chanyeol held you close to him, your highs fading in the heat your languid kisses.

THREE MONTHS LATER:

“Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving? You’ve been sick all week, I don’t want you getting any worse.” Chanyeol smoothed over your loose strands of hair that managed to escape your messy bun.

“Yes, you have to be there for your fans and plus, I feel better today.” That was a lie and you knew it, you’d been feeling sick all morning, but were hiding it because you knew he would stay until you felt better.

“Promise me if you get any worse you’ll go to a doctor.” He peered into your face, his gentle eyes filled with worry.

“I promise, now, go, you’re going to miss your flight if you don’t go now.” Chanyeol glanced back at the guys who started to board the plane, his eyes coming back to you.

“Fine… I’ll message you when we land, okay?” He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours; this kiss wasn’t like his usual one, it was extremely gentle and endearing, your last kiss for the next couple of months and as you realized that, your feelings started to bubble up behind your closed eyes. Chanyeol pulled away from you to see your tears rolling down your cheeks, his thumbs quick to pad them away, “Hey, I love you.” He whispered, pulling you into a deep embrace; you wrapped your shaky hands around his body, burying your face into his chest.

“I love you, too.”

“We’re gonna be okay, I’ll be back soon, okay?” He placed his final kiss to your crown as the manager came into view, signaling for him to wrap it up, “I gotta go, baby.” You let your arms fall from around his waist, you heart climbing up into your throat.

“Be safe, okay?” He nodded to your words, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Kick some ass at school and I’ll put on great shows for you.” You laughed a bit as you nudged him.

“Deal. Now, go.” He nodded once more and walked towards the plane, turning around before walking into the tunnel to wave to you. You waved back and watched as he disappeared behind the tunnel wall.

TWO MONTHS BEFORE CHANYEOL’S RETURN:

“Alright, Ms. Y/L/N, it seems like all of your symptoms— the missed periods, tender breasts, vomiting, dizziness, and the excessive weight gain, leads up to one diagnosis… You’re pregnant.” Your doctor’s gleaming smile attempted to surprise you and this wasn’t the diagnosis you were thinking it would be.

“Pregnant?”

“Yup. We’re bringing in an ultrasound to see where you’re exactly at in your pregnancy, we’re guessing around four months gestation since you’re showing a little more signs that the first trimester usually lets on…” Your mind blocked out the sound of her voice while your thoughts ran wild about how this would effect Chanyeol. This could potentially ruin his career, he’s only 26 and has so much life left ahead of him—there’s no way he could possibly want children now since they’re at their peak performance. The sound of the ultrasound cart being rolled into the room spooked you back into the reality of the doctor's office, “Alright, Y/N, go ahead and roll your shirt up and lay back for me.”

“O-okay…” You lifted your shirt, noticing your rounded belly as you leaned back onto the examination table. She put a warm gel onto your stomach and lifted the wand of the ultrasound and put it onto your lower stomach.

“Alright let’s see what’s going on in here.” She moved the wand around, a wooshing sound left the machine, “Heartbeat sounds really good. It looks like you’re around 19, maybe 20 weeks.” She stared at the screen a little longer, moving the wand around and then coming to an abrupt stop, “Would you like to know the gender of your baby?”

“I’m that far along?” You asked and she nodded her head, humming her response, “What is the gender of the baby…?”

“I suggest you start buying dresses and tutus because your little girl is gonna look cute in them.” Hearing her say you were going to be having a daughter made your heart fluttered at the thought of Chanyeol cradling your daughter in his arms and all your worries faded.

CHANYEOL’S RETURN HOME:

He was supposed to be gone for another week, but since they finished everything that needed to be done, he took an earlier flight home to surprise you. He couldn’t wait to see you, all the calls, FaceTimes, and text messages weren’t enough for him, he wanted to hold you and kiss you for hours and never let you go.

The cab pulled up to the alleyway leading to the store and Chanyeol got out, taking his luggage out with him. He paid the driver and turned toward the alley, his precious memories flooding back to him, letting him remember the first time he actually walked this path. The annoying blue line that seemed to be leading him to a very untraveled path, but was actually leading him to the love of his life. He turned the corner to see the store light still on, he glanced down at his watch, remembering that you started taking students in the evenings to make a little more money to pay for school. He walked to the side door and pushed past it into the hall, he walked past the store door, stopping, and retreating back in his steps to see you at the piano through the door window. His heart raced in his chest like it was the first time seeing you again—he loved it when you were in work mode, the expression you always carried was soft and all smiles, and it lit up especially with children. He let a smile play on his lips as he watched you nod along to the simple tune that was being played, admiring the way you lost yourself even in the simplest of songs. A content sigh slipped past his lips while he forced himself to break his gaze on you, and he made his way up the stairs and into the apartment. The warm smell of ginger and honey tingled his senses as he sat his luggage down by the front door, he never thought he would be so glad to call an apartment above a music store home, but he loved it. He started to make his way towards the bedroom when something caught his eye while passing the spare bedroom. He turned his gaze to the room, taking in its new appearance.

The once taupe walls were now painted a pastel mint with one of the walls being decorated with hand-painted flowers, the one window in the room had pale pink curtains hanging from it, and the old wood flooring had been replaced with plush tan carpet. A white wood crib sat against the wall with flowers as well as a blush pink accent chair, a white dresser sat near the door, and he walked over to it, opening the drawers. His eyes fell onto folded girly clothing from onesies, tiny shirts, and pants, socks, hats, bows, and headbands; he looked in all the other drawers to find diapers, wipes, lotions, soaps, creams, and other miscellaneous baby items.

“Chanyeol?” Your voice reached his ears and he turned on his heels to meet your gaze. His eyes traveled down to your shape to see your round stomach being hugged by your white dress, “You weren’t supposed to be home for another week…?”

“I took an early flight home…” He couldn’t tear his eyes away from your large stomach, “Do you want to let me in on what’s going on?”

“I—” You swallowed hard, rubbing your hands over your belly, “Remember when I was getting sick when you left for tour and we thought it was just a stomach bug? Well, I went to the doctor and she told me I was pregnant with your daughter…”

“We’re having a baby…?” He whispered as he fell to his knees in front of you, his hands coming to hold your belly.

“A little girl, your little girl… I waited so long to tell you because I was worried about what would happen if you found out on tour and I couldn’t put your career at risk—”

“I don’t care that you hid it for so long… I’m just…” He rested his forehead against your stomach, muffled sniffles escaped him while he caressed your stomach, “I’m just so glad I’m finally getting to start a family with the one I love.” He looked up at you, tears streaming down his face.

“My love…” You knelt down in front of him, kissing over his tear-streaked cheeks, “You’re the only one I would ever think of starting a family with. My one and only.” A smile came to his face as you pulled away from him, his eyes falling to your stomach once more.

“Have you came up with a name for her yet?” You shook your head to his question, running your hand over your stomach again.

“I’ve been waiting for you to get home to decide.”

“Really?” His eyes grew wide at your response.

“Yes.” A toothy smile formed from the one that was already on his lips.

“What about Harlow?”

“Oh? Who would’ve thought you would’ve chosen a name so cute?” You teased him and he rested his hand on your stomach.

“What do you think, sweetie? What about Harlow for your name?” He waited for a moment, the feeling of his daughter kicking his hand made him gasp, “She likes it!” He smiled, pressing gentle kisses to your belly.

“Alright, alright, Harlow it is.”

Through all the tough times with Chanyeol, this moment had to be the best one of your life, it made everything worth it. All the fights, bickering, the time away from each other, the makeups, and the distance that came with his job, all of it led up to this moment, and you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[recentanimenews]

The Best Anime of the 2010s

Here it is, the third and final installment in our Best of the 2010s series! We’ve gotten manga and video games out of the way, so it’s time for anime.

If you’re just tuning in, here’s how it works: our three contributors (Evan Minto, Ink, and David Estrella) each ranked their top anime series and movies released between 2010 and 2019. We scored them all based on their positions in the three lists, and came up with a single combined list of 10, which you’ll find below. We haven’t seen every anime out there, so there may be some conspicuous omissions, but of all of our lists, this is the one we’re most confident in. That’s mainly because the contributors covered over 120 titles between the three of them! The full lists for anime, manga, and games, including our individual rankings, are now available on the Ani-Gamers Patreon.

Below you’ll find everything from lo-fi comedies to tragic war stories. And befitting the many ways anime is produced and distributed, our list contains TV series, net animations, short films, big-budget feature films, rotoscope animation, and more. It’s been a great decade for anime, and we hope you find something new (er, more like old) to add to your watch list. Enjoy, and feel free to chime in with your own picks in the comments!

10. Tantei Opera Milky Holmes: Act 2 (2012)

David Estrella: No one believes me when I say that Milky Holmes II is an essential anime and frankly, I don’t have the wherewithal to argue with close-minded idiots that have had the bulk of the 2010s to listen to me for once. If you have to ask, it’s already too late for you but in case you’re 14 and your first anime was a post-Bleach shonen thing, Milky Holmes is a comedy that begins as a mildly amusing goofy slapstick magical girl detective cartoon and soon spirals out into an insane spectacle that completely incinerates all the other half-way passable, middle-of-the-road multimedia schlock that used to made before it all became indistinguishable idol gacha crap. Someone went highly off-script on this production and every Milky Holmes afterwards is not even worth mentioning next to these first two seasons. Between this, gdgd Fairies, and Teekyu, the last breaths of creative expression in TV anime were all concentrated in 2012, and before we knew it, it was gone.

9. Flowers of Evil (2013)

Ink: As far as manga adaptations go, hell, as far as film goes, Flowers of Evil is nothing short of a masterwork. Layering animation atop live action (rotoscoping) to emulate the basic premise behind the poetic movement so treasured by the “tortured” protagonist … not to mention actually including relevant, inspirational poems, Director Hiroshi Nagahama takes great risks – from pacing to form and even content – and sticks the landing with technical and emotional force to improve upon the source material (even though the anime only adapts half the manga). It’s an anime that reveals how beautiful ugliness can be and vice-versa.

8. Kill la Kill (2013–2014)

Evan Minto: There’s nothing quite as enjoyable as watching Hiroyuki Imaishi and Kazuki Nakashima go to town on an anime TV series. Kill la Kill is a bonkers ride from start to finish. It’s got superpowered talking school uniforms, nudist secret societies, fanservice so obnoxious it somehow becomes cool, and a never-ending parade of shocking heel-turns. There’s something in there about fascism and the fashion industry and maybe if you squint hard enough you can argue it’s feminist, but the most important F word when it comes to Kill la Kill is “fun.”

7. Kizumonogatari (2016–2017)

David Estrella: I don’t think I’ll ever fly to Japan for the sake of seeing an anime film on opening day again, and fortunately Kizumonogatari was such a peak for cinema that I’m perfectly fine with that. Kizumonogatari left me fulfilled in a way that people with weaker immune systems would pass on to the hereafter upon leaving the theater. It’s not a coincidence that my interest in anime tanked severely once the Kizu trilogy wrapped up since, with a few rare exceptions, very little anime possesses the same ambitious spirit as I found in Kizumonogatari. While Makoto Shinkai is busy making extended Apple commercials under the guise of magical realist teen romance films, I’m really finding it easier and easier to call the anime medium completely and totally solved as early as 2017.

6. From the New World (2012–2013)

David Estrella: Due to circumstances outside of my control, From the New World appears higher on the list over the definitive best anime of the decade and I’m stuck writing about it. I’ll play along if only because From the New World is a great show that deserves another look to appreciate how much it was doing within the boundaries of weekly 24-minute episodes. Adapted from a science-fiction novel that will never be translated and published into English, it’s the rare sort of anime TV show that gets its hooks in early and continues sinking them in until the thought of taking a break before reaching the resolution is unbearable.

5. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (2012–present)

David Estrella: The loudest JoJo people say that Stardust Crusaders is the best JoJo, then two camps split between Diamond is Unbreakable and Golden Wind say their JoJo is the best JoJo, and then I’m the obnoxious voice in the back that hoots and hollers anytime someone says the phrase “Battle Tendency”. All the other JoJo’s are technically more sophisticated than the first couple of parts, but none of them really match the sheer power of that initial hit, those two amazing openings, and the actual best JoJo, Joseph Joestar, voiced by Tomokazu Sugita giving the performance of a lifetime. At the very least, we will all be haunted by Roundabout memes for as long as JoJo remains relevant.

4. Endless Night (2015)

Ink: Storytelling that relies solely on visuals is seemingly rare in anime these days, and even though Sayo Yamamoto’s Animator Expo figure skating short (which led to the more verbose Yuri!!! on Ice) is backed by a perfectly expressive song by Hiroshi Nakamura, the latter is made superfluous thanks to emotionally soaked movements and settings, laudably implemented surreality, seamless flow, minimalist color palette, and evocative texturing. Seven minutes (if that) lays out, engrossingly, a complete story of inspiration, infatuation, and (ultimately) realization. Ignore the East German judge; the passion and implementation is a 10/10.

3. Inferno Cop (2012–2013)

Evan Minto: “Best of” lists like this one have a tendency toward “high” art, toward stories about Big Ideas and Important Subjects. Inferno Cop is the lowest art of all: a series of nonsensical, lo-fi cutout animated shorts written with the reckless abandon of children playing with action figures. It’s also one of the funniest anime series in a very long time, and certainly one of the best comedies of the decade. It’s only fitting that it served as the world’s introduction to Studio Trigger, who closed out the 2010s with their smash-hit feature film Promare.

2. The Tale of Princess Kaguya (2013)

Ink: The recently late and perpetually bereaved Isao Takahata was, ironically, given the work about which this blurb is written, a realist compared to Ghibli co-founder’s (Miyazaki) escapist tendencies. Why, then, is this retelling of a very familiar folktale in The Tale of Princess Kaguya so powerful? Because the characterizations are as palpable as the animation is expressive; there are few scenes in the all of anime that draw breath like those of the MC’s dashing sequences. The art itself is simultaneously emulative of both a child’s picture book and a depiction of time as age sets in. Fairy tales are forever. RIP and thank you, Takahata.

1. In This Corner of the World (2016)

Evan Minto: This movie handily snagged the #1 spot in our ranking, and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a story about the hardships of World War II told not through combat, but through the grueling travails of civilian life. In This Corner of the World’s gut-wrenching tragedy is tempered and amplified by the currents of love and big-hearted, true-to-life comedy that run through it. The film is a beautiful tribute to the innocent souls trampled by war, comparable and even — dare I say — superior to the classic Grave of the Fireflies.

Check out our list of the Best Manga and the Best Video Games of the 2010s!

The Best Anime of the 2010s originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on February 21, 2020 at 8:43 PM.

By: David Estrella