#i thought i was done finding deeper subtext into them

[heavensenthearty]

Do you guys ever think how Zuko is the only person who proves Katara that he won't leave her again?

Katara has abandonment issues. That's why she was so angry at Hakoda when they saw each other again, that's why she became so anxious when they had to separate, that's why she lashes out at Zuko himself, bringing up her mother's death. It's implied throughout the series that she has been abandoned physically and emotionally by the people she held dear.

Of course, Hakoda acknowledges and apologizes, but we don't see him making the effort to show Katara that he won't make her feel that way again—(which is probably due to the pacing of the story, although it's still a poor writing choice, but I digress).

But we see Zuko making an effort.

After betraying her, he is determined to make it up to her by any means. Even when she is openly hostile to him, he remains respectful and protective of her. He is constantly showing kind and heroic gestures. He goes out of his way for it in TSR to help her confront her feelings of grief and resentment, and saves her life yet again during Sozin's Comet. He expresses he has her best interest at heart through words and actions.

Thinking about all of that makes their relationship and personal character journey even more beautiful.

[shilohgreen]

what have we done to each other? what will we do? // @zmogedra

"we've CHANGED each other." it's the simplest and least interesting answer, something to clear out of the way before he can dig any deeper. and dig he will. as confusing as his own psyche proves to be, in hannibal's presence he crystalizes, finds organization in his messy molecules and structure where there once was none. it was no lie when he brought himself to therapy with the intention to deal with his feelings for hannibal. this is the only place that he'd be able to.

"we've cut through the skin to get to the meat of each other." a thought occurs to him, his hand has caught on something in the mud of his mind. his brow creases. their armor had been so impenetrable, their blades must be carefully crafted to slice in. but ONLY hannibal could have known just how to break through. "and we'd both grown so accustomed to being untouchable. now, there's wounds and it's all crimson and i find myself fumbling to rediscover the shape of myself in this mess." the shape of us, he means to say, but it's only written into the subtext for hannibal to find.

"we've seen the core of each other. and in the aftermath, in the HEALING... if we remain close, the flesh will fuse together." a hypothesis, rather than brazen mapping of the path laid before them. will doesn't dare to believe he could predict what will become of them. he can hope— and that alone scares him off of the topic, the idea that he would HOPE for anything with hannibal. still, the fact remains: the first future he imagines is one where his self and hannibal's are merged and indistinguishable from the other.

[chirpsythismorning]

In reference to the script for 4x04 dropping, curtesy of @aurorabyler

STRAP IN FOLKS!

Basically, I'm now considering the possibility that Finn used notes separate from the script for season 4, which were specific to Mike and Mike only.

Because let's be real, there's no way the Duffer's gave Finn absolutely nothing to go off of, at all. Which is what this script here implies.

They themselves actually revealed that they gave him 'some pretty hard hitting stuff this season'. And I'm starting to think it's because his character was very difficult portray.

Until we get all the scripts for s4, we won’t know for sure, but if/when we eventually do, I think what we’ll find is that all of these important moments involving Mike this season, are never going to be from Mike's perspective, but from either Will's, El's or even Jonathon's. At best, Mike's inner thoughts will be vague or hidden in the subtext, but not even close to being fully acknowledged.

Luckily for all of us, there happens to be at least one scene in particular we may not have to wait for a script to find out...

Before Vol. 2 dropped, the one and only swiftlynavel said that the pineapple pizza scene was from Will’s pov (tweet since deleted 👀).

Although they weren’t right about everything, they were right about a few things that happened in Vol. 2, including:

Humoring the possibility of Byler is not something they're known for, so I'm not surprised they revealed this "Will's pov' leak, only to not think much of it initially. But the fact that they've since deleted this tweet, makes me wonder if they realized this detail ended up being not so great for their interpretation of things.

Still, if what they said is true, then this would only support the theory that we're witnessing everything mostly from Will's perspective this season, even in every M*leven scene potentially now. Well, besides their 'big' fight, because Will wasn't present (but, when we eventually do get the script for that scene, and it's from El's perspective and totally ambiguous in regards to Mike's feelings... then what?)

If the Duffer's are going through all this trouble to keep us in the dark, to the point where Mike's perspective is entirely missing from the script... to the point where even the most casual of fans are begging for s1-2 Mike Wheeler back... then it must be building up to something, and for a specific reason.

After reading the script for 4x04, we can see there are indeed little to no hints about what Mike is thinking/feeling. When it comes to him, the script focuses solely on his actions, literal expressions and dialogue. That’s it. Nothing much deeper though, especially not anything that could hint too much about his feelings/thoughts regarding Will. They don't want to give us any clear cut reason why he is saying/doing the things he is. They offer up the bare minimum, then leave the rest up to interpretation.

How convenient.

Now, Will on the other hand... his mouth, DRY AS A CALIFORNIA SUMMER???

So yeah, this is all very suspicious.

Oddly, what made this possibility of Finn having notes, separate from the script, sort of hit me, was that I noticed there was no mention in the script of Mike putting his arm up to Will during the shoot out.

Fans first noticed this subtly in the actual episode, but it was only a mere observation at this point. It was so fast, that I don't think any of us were all too confident it was a definitive creative choice by the director or anything...

But then Shawn Levy, director of 4x04 himself, posted a video of them rehearsing this exact moment, with Finn clearly putting his arm up to Noah in a way that feels, dare I say... scripted?

I think understandably, they all tried to be as exact as possible in their character’s movements during the rehearsal here, because the official shot needed to be done in one long take. They had to get it right.

But hypothetically, for the sake of this post, this could be just one potential example of Finn doing/saying something, that was intentionally left out of the main script, and understandably so, because it might hint towards Mike's thoughts/feelings towards Will.

And this alone may also disprove the popular fan theory that Finn is pushing for Byler all by himself, against the Duffers wishes (tbh I think dude is just doing his job the way they intended??). And even if that was the case, wouldn't it have made more sense for him to wait to pull this out in the final take, not outright during rehearsal? It's very clearly something he wouldn't do unless he was supposed to, directed to, especially given the implications with everything that’s going on in the plot during this episode.

Again, I think that if/when we get the rest of the scripts for s4, it's likely going to follow this trend of everything being from Will's perspective, or at least heavily ambiguous in regards to what Mike could possibly be thinking.

This would also conveniently explain why Mike’s behavior this season has been so confusing to the audience overall. Vol. 2 especially has people STUMPED. Which would make sense if only Finn and a handful of others know the true nature of his reactions. It’s possible most involved in the process aren’t entirely aware of Mike’s feelings as a result of them leaving everything out of the script. And I think that allowed for the story to come off so disjointed and confusing. That was the intention.

It was entirely intentional that we didn't know a single thought that was going on in Mike's head.

But why? What could he possibly be thinking about, that would make it so worthwhile to hold off on...

Anyways... Highly anticipated Mike revelation in ST5, here we come !!

[peachyqueenly]

Speaking from what is strictly shown in canon do you think PV loved WL? Or at the very least do you think this is what the artist/writers, VAs, and developers were trying to convey? I know it’s a very common sentiment in the fanbase but let’s be honest, two cookies interact and at least half the fandom starts shipping them. Just goes to show how desperate the shippers are. Romantic and/or platonic I am curious to hear your thoughts on what was intentionally shown of their relationship in canon.

Okaaaaaaaay. So, to discuss this we're gonna need to discuss how Devsis handles romance in Cookie Run.

Romance in Cookie Run is almost purely subtextual and based on little signs and notes in the ways characters act/speak of one another/etc. As it's just not a focus of their writing; they aren't out to write a story where romance is at its center. The three most famous examples I'll use is Sea Fairy, RaspRose, and MintCocoa.

The only outright romantic relationship that is explicitly romantic is between Princess' parents: two npcs who are shown as romantic purely by virtue of being married.

Sea Fairy's feelings for the moon equaling her feelings for Moonlight is subtextually shown in various material: both in game but especially in content outside of the game. From the 'I Want You Everyday' music video, to merch such as a series of cups they made a while back where one of them featured those two. Moonlight's feelings are more vague (cause everything about her is vague), but the text is pretty clear in that Sea Fairy holds special feelings for Moonlight. We don't need a long confession that'd be out of place of CR writing to show this.

RaspRose and MintCocoa are similar to one another, where feelings are shown. Either one sided (as in RaspRose, where Rose's feelings are left vague), or mutual with MintCocoa. Neither of them have done things explicitly romantic or had a confession scene in game, but various sources show that there is a deeper meaning intended for their relationship...

Now to go back to the original question... do I think such subtext applies to Pure Vanilla's feelings for White Lily?

I think it is more complicated than the previous three in his case. We know the two were friends since childhood, even if they had a break. So them having a close relationship could easily be chocked up to that. Plus he cares a lot about his other friends. But other things, such as the Love Quiz Devsis put out that features art of Lily and of which there was also cut art of PV, as well as PV going the extra mile for Lily specifically (having an entire section of his home dedicated to her) suggests possible feelings. Plus the way Lily longs for Pure Vanilla could be read as romantic as well (her dialogue in the first chapters, the way her artbook description describes her longing, etc).

I'd say Pure Vanilla and even PureLily as a relationship is close if not similar to MintCocoa and RaspRose. It definitely, of all the relationships between the ancients, has the most canon basis behind it of all the ancients ships. Plus it being featured/hinted at in romance centered events similarly to RaspRose, MintCocoa, and Sea Fairy gives it credence. That doesn't make it the best ancient ship as that's subjective, but I find people turning their relationship unhealthy when it isn't in poor taste due to what I outlined above.

If you prefer to read their relationship as purely platonic/friendship? That's perfectly fine, I know people who do that with MintCocoa. I wanna stress that me pointing out how 'my ship has canon basis' (as I won't say I don't ship PureLily) isn't saying it's better than the other ancient ships (I mean hell my current passion is HollyLily for personal reasons). But I definitely can see how the subtext is there.

[morifinwes]

wangxian fic rec list!

aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!

modern

wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)

Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.

Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.

Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.

between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)

☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die

Bluetooth: no.

"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.

resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)

In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)

"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."

OR

Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.

the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)

Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…

“Would…�� he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”

-------------------------------------

Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.

leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)

The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.

Wei Ying has no marks at all.

public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)

Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.

Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.

i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))

The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.

Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.

axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)

Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.

Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.

"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.

The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."

"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"

"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.

"Okay and…?"

"With someone else." The slurping resumed.

Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.

these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)

When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.

 

But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.

 

(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)

good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)

Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.

 

“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.

He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.

Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.

wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)

“A ring?”

And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.

“You swallowed it.”

“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”

of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)

Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.

of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)

For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it

canon setting

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)

Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.

Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.

lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)

Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.

one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)

Times change, but some people remain the same.

The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.

For one of their own, they will stand against the world.

Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.

so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)

Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.

Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.

Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

 

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

[apherod]

Rubian Soulmate AU

I finally finished writing it ahhhh

I eventually decided that I was going for a sketch-style writing for this. Just short bits and pieces here and there, piecing together some scenes, but not fully fleshed out into a storyline (it coincides with the original story mostly anyway)

So here it is! Enjoy!

This is a Liam and Ruby Soulmate AU requested by an anon (possibly @thedarkestcrew?) ask, in which damage done to one half of the soulmate pair would translate to the other half. 

Word count: 4400

===

Liam

“Where did all these bruises come from?”

I was driving through Highway 95 in Maryland when I noticed the bruises crowning my knuckles. They just…appeared, like petals floating to the surface of water. It is possible that I punched something—or someone—at some point in the last few days, or tripped and fell, and using…my fists to break the fall? But I don’t recall doing any of that.

Then again, my head hadn’t been the most reliable in these past few weeks, either.

They weren’t the first. A couple of weeks ago, I woke up with a cut on my upper arm, and the blood drenched half of my sleeve, but the sleeve wasn’t torn or cut, so it couldn’t have been me… Another one came a few days after that, when I was driving, and a sudden searing pain came to my wrist, like I was burnt by a frying pan, but that part of my skin wasn’t even touching anything. The list goes on.

I think I’m going insane.

Some people…some who are lucky enough to find their soulmates, found themselves with identical wounds on them, because when one half of that bond gets hurt, the other one suffers, too. Mom’s bruises never translated onto our birth dad. Maybe that was why he was so okay with hurting her. It wasn’t until she met Harry, did that magic—or curse—work on both of them.

But that’s exactly that—it only happens after you’ve met the person. If I’ve somehow met her, and didn’t know who she was, then I’ve really screwed up. Big time.

It couldn’t have been anyone in Caledonia, otherwise I would’ve known. No one from home, either. There weren’t even that many of us left. Could it be someone from East River? For some reason, I just couldn’t be sure… There’re this weird quality in my memory when I think of East River, glowing tinge surrounding everything, blurring details, and flaring up the edges, making it hard to see for too long.

Also, if I met her in East River, why isn’t she with me?

If she’s really out there, I felt sorry for all the pain I’ve caused her in the past few days. When I narrowly escaped that group of Skip Tracers, my arms were all cut up, real pretty. I can’t imagine the horror she must have felt when her arms just, out of nowhere, started spontaneously bleeding half of her blood out.

I really ought to take better care of myself, even if it’s just for her sake.

When I crossed the state boarder into Pennsylvania, I managed to find an old payphone, and left a voice mail for my brother to let him know where I am, and that I’m coming his way. I didn’t want to—asking for Cole’s help was one of the few things that I genuinely want to avoid—but I’m really desperate.

The truth is, just imagining him gloating about this—about me needing his help—was almost enough to make me turn around. Think about the last time I asked for his help… didn’t work out so well, did it? But whatever Cole has to offer, whatever nightmare I have to live through going back to the League, is better than being hauled back into the camp.

I don’t think they’d actually take me back into a camp, anyway.

When I got passed the wrong Wilmington, I briefly glimpsed the road sign that read US 13, and a voice suddenly rang in my head.

Turn off here. It urged.

The feeling was distinctly different from my reluctance to meet Cole—it was a drive, asking me to go somewhere, rather than run from somewhere.

Whatever it was, I can’t listen, no matter how hard I wanted to, no matter how it warmed my heart just thinking about that impulse, like it would lead me home, even though I had no idea how.

I got into the city of Philadelphia, and found my brother’s apartment soon enough. When I got into his building, a woman threw me a sideway glance that made my hair stood on their ends.

Please don’t recognize me, please don’t recognize me, please don’t recognize me… I muttered in my head while I pressed the buzzer. The door swung opened, and I was snatched inside by a forceful arm.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Cole snarled before I could even lay eyes on him properly. “Why didn’t you call me when you got here?”

He looked much better than me, that much was clear. Cole never had any wound that wasn’t his own, and from the looks of him, he hadn’t seen much action lately. His hair was clean-cut, brushed neatly away from his face. He was wearing a white shirt and dark blue jeans, with metal-frame glasses which were clearly without diopters to finish the look. In this getup, you’d expect him to be a graduate student in U Penn, not a high school dropout.

“I… I didn’t have any money to place a call.” I muttered, feeling my voice getting smaller. Gosh, I hated this. I hated that I felt like a child again. I took off my jacket, and hung it on the peg right next to his. They were two identical black leather jackets, which Mom bought us years ago—she got them a couple of sizes bigger than we were at the time, in anticipation that we would eventually grow into them. Cole did, whereas I felt like I still hadn’t.

Cole let out a long and harsh breath, and gave me a scan head to toe. “You’ve seen better days.” He commented eventually, a subtle amusement in his tone. “Even for you, this is a bit excessive…” He gingerly lifted my right wrist, and got a good look at my forearm, all cut up.

You don’t say. I wanted to retort, but didn’t. “What are you doing in Philly?” I asked as I retracted my hand.

Cole raised an eyebrow. “You really want to know?”

Maybe not. “I’d probably know eventually, wouldn’t I?” I said.

He scratched his chin, frowning. “You know what this means, right? You know where we’re going?”

“Look, if I could just find Mom and Harry…” I began, but he raised his hand and stopped me.

“No,” He snapped, “We don’t have that kind of time. My assignment here is done. I’m being extracted at midnight, which is in less than four hours, and if you think I’d let you out running into the wild and being hauled into a camp again, you’d have another thought coming.”

Choose me. I remembered the subtext of what Cole said that night when he left home, and now it was ringing in a different tone. Now I don’t have a choice.

“All right.” I sighed. “Whatever you say.”

He frowned deeper. But it took him a while to say something. “Look, I know the last time you came with me, it didn’t end so well, but things are turning around.” He said, palms down, pacifying. “I promise, just stick it out a few months.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

He bit his lip. “I just do. Trust me.” He said, then gave me a tight smile, “Tell you what, I’ll go get us something to eat, and you clearly need a shower.” He took off his glasses, grabbed the keys, then, as if remembered something, added with a grin, “Do not, drown in the bathtub.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes.

Before he could open the door, though, I stopped him. “Cole,” I began, but didn’t really know how to finish.

“Yeah?” He prompted.

“Have we...” I caught myself just for a moment. What am I doing? “...have we ever been to Virginia Beach?”

Because that…memory? was so vivid, that I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there, calling me at every moment I so much as allowed my mind to idle for a second. But it also had that bright glare around it, like it didn’t really belong to me, like I was seeing it through a mirror, into a different dimension where we were all happier people.

Cole was there, looking exactly like how he was now, but Claire was also there, and that didn’t make any sense…

“No…?” Cole said, “We lived in Wilmington. We went to Wrightsville, remember?”

Of course I do, but… I shook my head. “It’s just… I kept seeing this…memory, that we were there, and Claire was there, too…”

Cole pressed his lips tight. I know mentioning Claire’s name would probably put him on edge, but it’s not like I have other people to talk about her with anyway. A part of me wanted to be a bit mean about it, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t have the strength.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, voice rigid. “Just go take your shower. I’ll be back with the food.”

And he left, leaving me alone in his white and bare apartment.

I still couldn’t be sure that it was a good idea coming here. If I’m being honest with myself, it wasn’t even about my negative view on the League, or what it had turned my brother into, but that…I’m not sure how to be his brother anymore. I’m not even sure that he needs a brother.

Hell. Looking around this place, I got the feeling that a brother wasn’t the only thing he didn’t need. But then again, knowing how Cole kept his room, it was maybe a good thing that he had so few belongings here. This place…it didn’t even feel like someone actually live here; there were so few things breaking the white of the walls, it was almost glaring to my eyes.

I first went to check his bed, to see if he still has that weird habit—falling asleep with cigarettes still in his hand. His bedsheet looked clean enough; nothing charred. No ashtray, either. Maybe he quit.

Satisfied, I went to grab a t-shirt and a pair of pants from his closet, and dived into the pressurized water in his shower.

I can’t remember when was the last time I had running water. Probably…when I was in the League’s safe house? Gosh. My skin is so filthy, the water only started running clean after a good ten minutes of scrubbing, and I was scrubbing hard.

I was extra careful when I cleaned my arms, though. Not particularly because I was scared of pain, but more that I didn’t want to hurt this…person who might share this unfortunate connection with me, however low the chance might be. I didn’t want to make her suffer even more—somehow, I knew it was a her, for reasons I couldn’t quite put into words.

When I got out of the shower, I felt like my entire body had been turned inside out. My skin was glowing pink against the white tiling of Cole’s bathroom. He is an inch or two taller than me—which was sore to admit, but hey, I went through puberty in a lot worse condition than he did—so his pants hung a little too long around my ankles.

Then I finally got a good look at myself in the mirror. Damn, I looked awful. The dark shadows under my eyes were so purple, they looked almost black. Not to mention the countless scratches and bruises. There was a new one on my left cheek, just above the jawline. Whether it was mine or hers, I didn’t know.

Just as I threw the towel over my head, and started rubbing the water away from my hair, I heard it—siren. It began from a distance, a low wailing, but it was enough to set every hair on my back on its end. As I flew out of Cole’s shower, grabbed my jacket, and rushed to the window side, the siren got closer—and multiplied. The sound of them were like a harmony from hell.

Should I run? Should I stay?

I should run.

Even though they might not be coming for me, I knew better than to push my luck—it hadn’t really been on my side recently, and that woman who looked at me a second too long when I got in the building was probably proving me right. I threw the apartment door open, and on a second thought, ran for the roof instead of the ground floor.

I can reconvene with Cole later. I need to stay out of sight now. Cole’s a smart guy, he knows what to do in a situation like this.

It had started raining. I tripped on a mossy patch on the rooftop, and almost broke my jaw, but I stood up and kept running. I pushed myself over the ledge of the next building, and sprinted for the fire escape on the far end. The sound of the first bullet fired almost made me lose my bearing when I lowered myself onto the metal shaft.

They are on the other side. There were two fully populated buildings between me and those bullets, and they were firing at someone else—which means I’m not who they’re after. These are all good news.

Right?

Since when had I been that lucky after I turned twelve?

I pulled the hood of the jacket over my head, and dove into the shadow of the next alley. The gunfire had stopped, which meant that they probably got whoever they were after. I took the long way around the block, trying to get a hang of the situation, getting an idea of where I could find Cole without being spotted—

Oh, I found him alright.

Fuck. No. Fuck.

I only caught sight of him for a second before they slammed the back of that van shut, and in that brief second, he looked up, and he saw me.

No.

Christ. No. I… I got him caught. I did… I did this… Why didn’t I warn him? Why didn’t I go to him as soon as I heard the siren?

What have I done?

If you’re caught, you’re disavowed. I still remembered that phrase like it was etched into my skull. If anything encapsulates what I hate about the League the most, this is it. And now, Cole is going to be another casualty under that cold hard rule. The thought almost made my knees buckled, but instead of crashing down, I up and ran.

I ran. From this nightmare of my own making.

+++

Ruby

“Ruby!”

The scream came before the punch could land. I didn’t register what was happening in that first moment, not until the blood was dripping down my elbows, and staining the blue mats under us.

“Go to the infirmary!” Coach Johnson ordered, and I gladly obeyed. I could hear the whispering judgements forming even before I left the training room—what was that? What’s wrong with her? Where did those come from?

I knew exactly where they came from.

If Chubs was here, he’d likely yell at me for not getting these wounds taken care of immediately, but I simply…couldn’t. I ran for the shower stall, being careful not to stain the curtain, and turn on the tap.

With the water pouring out the showerhead, steaming up every bit of air around me, blurring my vision, I finally let the tears fall.

My arms didn’t hurt that much. At least, not as much as my heart. The bruises were bearable—who doesn’t get those occasionally living in the wild? I got one every other day even just from the training. But these cuts…he was in danger. Maybe he only got away with it within an inch of his life.

The only consolation I had was that I wasn’t mortally wounded, which meant he wasn’t, either. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t regret my decision of letting him go every second of every day.

If I did that to protect him, all these wounds and bruises only proved how wrong I was, how in vain my suffering had been.

“Ruby?” Cate’s voice.

I swallowed hard before answering. “Yes?”

“Are you all right?” She asked, standing outside of my stall.

“Yes.” I lied.

“Coach Johnson said you were hurt—” She didn’t buy it. “Look, if you don’t want to go to the infirmary, I can take a look—”

“I’m fine.” I cut her off. The timer on the tap beeped, warning me that the water would start running cold. My blood was dripping down from my fingers, dropping into the shallow water on the concrete floor like roses blooming in the snow.

“Ruby, I can see the blood.” Cate said dryly, then softer, coaxing. “Come out, please. Let me dress your wounds.”

Only if I could just close my eyes, and pretend for a second that the person who was waiting for me with antiseptic was Chubs, not Cate. If only I could pretend that these wounds were mine, not of the boy that I dreamt of every night for the past few months.

If only I could pretend that they were here with me, or that I wasn’t here at all.

I sighed, and brushed the curtain open. To Cate’s credit, she didn’t flinch at the sight of me. “Oh, Ruby…” She said with a tone like I was a stray cat ready to be put down. She reached out, and gingerly lifted my hand to get a better look at my arm.

“Press on it.” She handed me a towel, and sat down on the bench before patting the empty space beside her, motioning for me to join her.

I did as she said as she tore open a paper package. “This is going to hurt a little…” She gently dabbed the fabric square on my wounds, and I hissed out of reflex. I hated this. I hated showing her my weakness, and I guessed, in a weird way, she understood that. She didn’t comment on any of it, only continued to wrap my arms up in silence.

“There.” When she’s done, both of my forearms were wrapped entirely in gauzes.

“Th…thank you.” I managed to choke out.

She gave me a tender smile. “Don’t mention it.” She stood up, collecting the empty packages off the bench, and turned to leave.

Before she was out of the door, however, she turned around, and said, “You know, you get those wounds together, and you heal together, too.” She paused for a second, “You’re…not entirely helpless in this situation.”

Ten minutes after she left, I was still sitting on that bench, pondering her words. I didn’t even know what she said was true, but if it was, it meant that when I took care of myself, I took care of him, too. That, somehow, didn’t seem so bad.

I wondered how Cate knew that. She and Rob were clearly not soulmates, and I didn’t even know why she would want to date him, even without considering that fact. Rob—ruthless, arrogant, hateful—was everything opposite to what she seemed to hold dear.

But then again, she probably didn’t understand why someone would find their soulmate only to let them go on their own.

That day when I let Liam go, I made a decision that I would be whoever the League wants me to be, and make it so that they wouldn’t miss him. And for the longest time, I had kept to that promise. But not today, not now.

I just want to be myself again, even if it’s just for a moment.

So I brushed open the curtain to the stall, and allowed myself to be vulnerable again, for everyone and no one to see.

+++

His eyes traveled from my face to where the water had collected on my chest, and I raised my arms just that much higher.

His mouth half-opened for what I was sure to be a snide remark, but whatever it was never managed to pass his lips. His face froze, brows drew together, and he reached out. Before I could shift away—to where though, I had no idea; my back was already against the wall—he grabbed my wrist, and lifted my arm.

“It was you.” Cole said with a tone of half astonishment, half…anger?

“What was?” I raised an eyebrow at him, trying to hide how much I felt like a kid being caught red-handed, stealing candy bars.

He threw me a “really?” look. “Don’t insult my intelligence.” He snapped, “These are Liam’s, aren’t they?”

I almost asked “how do you know”, but that would confirm his suspicion. “What makes you say that?” I asked instead.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not playing games with you.” He huffed, “Soulmates should stick together. What were you thinking sending him out into the wild? Do you have any idea how dangerous he is to you? Or you to him? The poor bastard doesn’t even know you exist!”

“And as long as I stay in the League, that fact shall remain.” I said, more resolute and calmer than I thought possible.

He blew out a sigh of exasperation. “Look, I don’t care what kind of sainthood complex you have going on, I’m telling you—you are not doing either of you any favors, and if you think this is somehow a good idea, I beg you, think again, because you definitely look smarter than this.”

“What do you know?” I retorted, finally couldn’t keep the lid on my anger anymore. “Do you have any idea how much he hates it here? How hard he was trying to avoid this place before you drag him into this mess?”

Cole really laughed. “You think I don’t know?” He raised an eyebrow at me, and I met his glare head on. “I was the one that let him go when he got away that first time.” He tried to brush his hair back with his hand, but it gave out a weird flex before he could reach his head. “And I’ve seen enough soulmates pairs in my life to know that I never want one. Have you any idea what would happen to him if you were injured when he was on the run? Soulmates stick together so they don’t double their chances on dying, but I guess no one ever set your logic straight, did they?”

My head was so flushed with anger that I actually let him finished.

“Go find him.” Cole snapped. “And for Christ’s sake, stay together this time.”

+++

Liam

“I didn’t need freedom; I needed you!” I half-screamed, trying to get the frustration out past the chaos raging in my head. How could I—? How could she—? What the hell—?

On the receiving end of my scream, Ruby’s face was painted with grief, lined with tears that almost made my anger buckle. Almost.

“Did you just…not want to be with me anymore?” Facing her silence, my pain came out softer eventually. Please, just tell me, and I will leave you alone.

“No…” She choked out. “I… I was wrong.” She swallowed hard before continuing, and despite the anger still roaming my vein, I wanted to reach out and touch her. “We should…we should stay together. I knew I couldn’t bear to see you with the League, see them take away all the good in you that I love…”

“Is that how you think of me?” I snapped before I realized what I was doing, “That I am so weak that the League is bound to break me?”

“No!” She shook her head violently, “No, I don’t think you are weak… If anything, I think you are much stronger than me. But I was weak.” She finally looked back at me, her green eyes gleaming in the dim light of this dust-covered room. “I’m so sorry.”

Before I could react to what she said—I didn’t even know what I was going to say or do—the sound of a gunshot broke every single thought clean out of my head.

Ruby was running before I could do anything about it. She pushed the door of the shop open, and another shot blew open the window on the outside, shattering the glass all over the floor.

“Ruby!” I shouted as I dodged, crouching with my hands over my ears, but she was already up and running again, out of the door and behind the woman that was escaping the scene—with a gun in her hands.

“Ruby, stop!” I shouted again, got on my feet to catch her, but I never manage. I skidded on the broken glass, and fell, hands first, into the shards.

I heard her hiss. She stopped dead on her way, and whirled around to find me on the floor, holding my right hand on my laps, pressing it against the fabric of my jeans to try and stop the bleeding.

The blood was dripping down to her fingers. As she walked slowly towards me, the red, looking almost black, dropped on the dust-covered floor, leaving a spotting route, marking her path. When she knelt down beside me, finally close enough to touch me, I found that she was smiling. A totally mirthless, wry and painful smile.

“Give me your hand.” She said softly, almost like a whisper.

“You should treat yours first.” I said, trying to catch her hand, to see how much of a damage I’d done.

“We only need to treat one of us.” She let out a small breath, almost like something caught there. “We get them together, and we heal them together, too.”

That, somehow, broke through all the mess in my head and reached my mind. I let her take my arm, and carefully wrap her scarf on my hand, all the while her words played on repeat in my head.

We get them together, and we heal them together, too.

When she was done wrapping my hand up, the wounds on her hand stopped bleeding, too. I didn’t know why—I wasn’t even completely over that anger or frustration—but when she placed her hand in mine, a tender “there” escaping her lips, all I wanted to do was kiss her.

Instead, I gently enveloped my fingers around her hand. “There.” I said, pressing my good hand over hers.

And we stayed in that silent, that touch, just a little while longer.

+++

[life-rewritten]

Tharn and Type 7 Years: The duality of TharnType and LeoFiat

Okay, let's crack on to episode 4. This is going to be Looong! Strap in.  Another episode that yes I enjoyed. This show is like returning back to an old love, it feels nostalgic, it's the best thing in the day to end with, you're excited but also scared at the same time because you've become so attached that any issues that ruin this will break your heart into pieces. And I wasn't expecting it, but I became pretty attached real fast, I fell hard again. I am so grateful for this show for bringing back that excitement, and longing because waiting for the episodes is beginning to start to hurt. 

Addressing the Complaints 

In episode 4, fans have said that this episode was another filler episode full of nonsensical scenes and purely another LeoFiat storyline, fans were upset at the lack of screen time apparently for MewGulf (who play TT).  I say apparently because that's rubbish, they still have more screen time than others. Fans also thought the plot had started to be stagnant and nothing was happening. Hmm, I can see how fans may think of the last one, because I too even after watching episode 4, felt the story was on hold; however, I wasn't angry, I was intrigued. I know that the writer of this show leaves clues, information for where her plot is going right now; Tharn and Type are on a roller coaster, everything right now keeps building up, moving up waiting till it reaches that pause before we all fall and lose our minds. Because of the angst and drama. Because it will be painful. On Today's analysis, we're going to break down The dichotomy and duality of our two prominent couples this season in episode 4; LeoFiat (LF) and TharnType (TT)

Now, this is an example of the duality of LeoFiat and TharnType. We get two scenes at the beginning of episode 4, both associated with the making of or eating cake. It's funny when I analyse some shows as sometimes I hate looking deeper into scenes that may not even be planned or aren't actually that deep. But I got irritated because people stated that it was pointless having the cake scene; one because it was censored and we didn't get a kiss from TharnType, and that's what the scene was for to them, two because why the hell is Fiat eating a cake happily so important for TharnType? 

Well, I'm here to tell you that it is essential, every dialogue in these two scenes with cake is needed as much as the shopping scenes and the long focuses on characters doing mundane things. It's actually again telling you and building up the story in subtext. TharnType the show has always been a show that uses subtext to build up the tension and show what's going on secretly below the surface, in season 1 we saw this happen the opposite, we saw the angst and the fights and the pain on the surface, but we realised the depth, the meanings, the actual psychological links of our characters in subtext. In season 2 we have this reversed, we're getting the angst and the conflict being built up in the subtext. On the surface, we see ordinary moments that seem like they hold no meaning.

 Except they do: Take the cake scene, for example, we are again shown the mindset of our characters and behaviours towards the plot of the story: The marriage conflict with TT and the Fiat's interference with TT as the villain of the show. We're shown hints again to their personalities, mindsets and behaviours. 

Let me break it down even further: 

THE MESSY THING ABOUT CAKES

Cake Scene Number 1: Tharn has woken up to make a cake for Type because it's his day off in a while. Tharn isn't a great cook, so he's made a mess of the kitchen, in order to prevent more messes and Tharn getting hurt, Type distracts him with his body and intercourse. Type then proceeds to ask Tharn out for shopping, and a date and they tease each other. 

Cake scene Number 2: Fiat is happily eating cake, Leo shows up and berates him for his messiness, and Fiat pushes it off. Leo continues to complain whilst babying Fiat, Fiat and Leo then discuss Leo's family and how Fiat likes being seen as the favourite son in that family. Fiat then convinces Leo to take him out to go shopping for shoes he wants. Leo says he'd go alone, Fiat disagrees and manipulates him into letting him go by being more baby and cute. 

Tharn and Type: 

Messes and Destruction

So why is this cake scene so important? The dialogue and behaviour! Tharn is shown to be impulsive and rash. This is repeated throughout the whole episode. It's a warning, Tharn is spontaneous; ready to do new things, step out of comfort zones despite the mess and destruction it could cause to him and his safe space. With cooking he does it because he promised Type, it's to make sure Type is comfortable on his day off because he worries about him overworking (this is also repeated for the plot of this episode). However as much as he promised to cook always for Type, we've seen twice with his cooking, that Tharn is prone to making more of a mess than something useful. We even see a pan of the camera to the counter to show how much chaos he had caused. There's a reason for why it panned out. We've seen his battles with the eggs, the first time he hurt himself and Type was over-worried, and this time he messes up and destroys the kitchen to get one egg broken for the cake. It's cute but look at the dynamics:  

Type's Protective and Reactive Nature

Type is more reactive to Tharn's hurt, mess and destruction, and he's protective over what they have and is more on the watch for the damage rather than the gesture. Tharn wanted to be romantic, but he ended up ruining it by rushing, by being impulsive, by not slowing down; the gesture is for Type and to make Type happy, at ease and comfortable but it doesn't end up like that. This is foreshadowing; the cake making is the marriage plot. The reason why Tharn wants them to be married is so he can have a stable and secure relationship with Type, to make them happy and feel safe. Still, Type is more worried about the results of marriage, the 'mess' of their relationship if people get involved with their relationship or if the marriage doesn't work out because of society's laws.  This again shows how much both of them are doing things for each other but not actually not seeing each other and understanding each other. The more Tharn pushes the more Type will be worried and overreact. This was foreshadowing.

Leo and Fiat:

Messes and Obstructions

This is the one everyone said was a waste of plot except it wasn't. Look at the first details, we see Fiat happily and messily eating a cake, he's so happy, peaceful and joyful. This is the first scene we've seen him this way so far we've seen him anxious, mean, grumpy, loud, obnoxious and just overall unstable. The reason? Because Leo wasn't there. His friends mentioned it, he himself said it to Leo in episode 3 that he was losing his mind without him there, but he didn't want to bother him since Italy was so important to him. That one minute of him eating cake and smiling peacefully is there for a reason; its to show him blissful and different, the effect of Leo on Fiat. 

He's not meant to be a devil or evil he's just a kid who is spoilt and bratty.  Fiat knows how he is with Leo, and he appreciates it, he enjoys all that Leo has done for him, and it makes him love Leo. Yes, Love, Leo. He knows about his feelings, but he pushes them down because Leo keeps pushing them aside and seeing them as nothing. I wrote a post previously (here), detailing how both Fiat and Leo have feelings for each other, Fiat has been forced to let go of those feelings because Leo keeps rejecting and sweeping past his feelings because Leo sees his love as fickle or part of his spoilt personality; for example with this scene when he replies to Fiat's confession, 'You always say you love someone to whoever pampers you all the time'. 

Leo doesn't take Fiat's feelings seriously because he thinks Fiat plays too much with people, and he doesn't want to be that to Fiat (just a game to distract him so he won't get bored). Fiat just wants to be with Leo and to be by his side at all times. For Fiat, if being friends is the only way to do so, then it is better to stay friends. That's what this scene is showing you with their dynamic and with their dialogue.

Fiat's spoilt persona

Which brings us to Fiat's childish personality. I said in my previous post, Fiat felt neglected by the people around him; his parents, his friends who see him as an annoying brat and Leo, who didn't take his feelings seriously. We find out this episode that Fiat is close to Leo's family, he's like their son they take care of, but because they live far, he still feels neglected and alone. His actual family definitely don't show him care and emotional support, but they do spoil him with materialistic stuff probably. Hence why Fiat has embraced this spoilt child persona because it gives him what he wants; his parents attention, Leo's family's attention as the favourite 'son' (basically he's babied by them and spoilt by them) and Leo's care and affection.  

In fact, this is the reason why he proceeds to eat messily like a child, he knows Leo will clean it for him, and this is why he proceeds to whine and cry and complain because it gets Leo to baby him. Fiat embraces this childish, immature, spoilt personality because it makes it easy for him to be taken care of by Leo. See the cake scene for example; his mouth got wiped by Leo, Leo brought him water and then proceeded to accept Fiat's wishes to go with him to the mall because of him acting like a baby. 

On the other hand, Fiat just wants to spend as much time as possible with Leo; it's why he was so determined to join him at the mall despite coming up with other reasons. Fiat knows he loves Leo, probably knows what it means, but Leo's constant rejection and blindness make him think it's unrequited and failed.  But one thing most important to this plot, Fiat gets what he wants by being a baby. He doesn't like when he's being neglected, so he becomes manipulative, stubborn and immature whenever he wants something. This is why he becomes our villain. Leo can calm him down, but Leo is also the person who's making Fiat more of our villain because he refuses to accept Fiat's feelings; if he had taken him seriously, we wouldn't get this conflict. Fiat needs Type to distract him from his frustrations with Leo.

Plot: Fiat and Leo have known each other for a long time, are close to each other's families, and Fiat is used to being spoilt and babied. 

IT’S A DATE!

Shopping scene Number 1: It's a date, Tharn and Type eat and Tharn tries to get the marriage conversation in again, and Type becomes a bit possessive when he notices Tharn on his phone, changes the subject and we get Tharn's work philosophy, Type tries to warn Tharn to slow down, but it ends with Tharn proceeding to hint to marriage again, Type smiles whilst rejecting it softly. 

Shopping scene Number 2: Leo is possessive and jealous about Type, he wants to ensure that Type is just a fling to Fiat, Fiat doesn't get why Leo is acting this way and proceeds to say its because he gets what he wants, its a conquest basically, Fiat distracts Leo by complaining about his legs and then Leo continues to put shoes on Fiat as Fiat stares at him lovingly.

Tharn and Type.

Tharn; The hasty and rash

Again we get a repeat of this motif. Tharn wants to rush out some plans for his work, but Type is worried about him not slowing down and waiting to see the results. Again we see this misunderstanding of each other's perspective. Tharn wants to rush work stuff because he wants to make things stable and secure for him and Type fast, so their future is safe. Type doesn't understand why Tharn doesn't focus on the now, and take things slow and be protective of his work more carefully. Tharn's business is a metaphor like the cake for their relationship. Again the reason why he's being impulsive is for Type, and again Type doesn't see the reason for it. 

This is repeated again with the shopping scene, Tharn is rash and likes to spend money without thinking, because he's used to being wealthy and spoilt, (like Fiat). Again Type is protective of finances, he's their financial planner, he thinks of the big picture. He protects their relationship from any potential signs of harm, stress or issue. We actually see him do so this episode once he discovers Nana sneaking around in Tharn's life. It's him being protective and preventive. This date scene dialogue also foreshadows what will finally get Tharn and Type to the end of the conflict; possessiveness, communication and understanding.  These are three things that get Type willing to accept the proposal;

Possessiveness

Because Type finally realises that many people are still trying to ruin him and Tharn and marriage will help him get security and stability. Because the reason why people keep doing this is that they think he and Tharn are single. He realises he needs them to be exposed to the world to avoid these minor issues. 

Communication

It's only after Tharn explains why he rushes his work style for their relationship that Type finally gets his point of view, it makes him understand more why Tharn is more eager and trying to push things, it's for their security and stability, its for Type, so he also starts to feel grateful and happy at the thought of the ring on his finger. Hence the smile. 

Understanding

It's not yet happened but its losing Tharn that would make Type understand why marriage was needed. It's through them finally reaching a breaking point that will eventually push him to accept it despite his fears.

Leo and Fiat:

Leo: The oblivious and the envious 

Fiat basically says again the reason why he acts spoilt is, so that Leo pampers him; he doesn't like the idea of Leo not doing so. Obviously, the shopping scene is vital to the plot, it introduces Leo to Type, and at first, you seem him react uncomfortably because he's guessed it's one of Fiat's 'fake' relationships, people who he flirts with and sleeps with and gets bored of quickly; a quest. He still doesn't notice Fiat asking for his feelings; Fiat asks him if he thinks he's handsome Leo walks away (again pushing his feelings to the side/overlooking them). Fiat also explains why he likes Type; because he's hard to get, and a quest, it excites him, and it makes him determined to win his heart. 

We get even more clues to this when Fiat tells Leo he's always gotten what he wanted, but he had one thing he could never get. If the audience pays attention, you'd see him pause on Leo. Leo's feelings are what he couldn't get and what he had to give up on, but he diverts it to a lie, which he says that it's wanting Leo to stop nagging him. Thing is this shows Fiat's mindset again. Leo's requited feelings are something he's tried to get, but he didn't have a chance according to his perspective. Again Fiat knows he loves Leo, you see it again when he looks at him lovingly as Leo puts the shoe on him. These two aren't seeing each other eye to eye. But yes, shopping for shoes is important to the plot.

Plot: Fiat sees Type and proceeds to be eager and ensure he can keep texting him. Fiat admits he wants to be with Type to Leo. Leo isn't happy. Tharn notices Fiat and worries but gets distracted by Type so forgets about him. 

PHONES, SOCIALS AND PICTURES 

Scene 1; The social media scene: Type and Tharn discuss Tharn's worries for Type's work and how much energy he puts into it. Tharn wants Type to be more comfortable and at ease, and sends a picture on Instagram showcasing his ownership for Tharn. Type feels happy when seeing people's reactions to Tharn until he sees that Nana has liked all of Tharn’s picture, he's worried there's a homewrecker upcoming, and asks Techno for what he knows. Techno reveals he saw Nana and Tharn together. Type becomes possessive, looks through Tharn's phone and proceeds to go confront Nana.

Scene 2: The gym scene: Fiat is happily on the phone texting Type, he sends a picture (just like Tharn) to Type and discusses his behaviours and attitudes since he started getting physical therapy. Leo gets jealous and tries to get Fiat's attention, finally asking Fiat if he sees Type as something serious, Fiat says Yes. Leo loses his cool and becomes upset. Fiat doesn't notice as he's distracted happily texting with Type. 

Tharn and Type:

Possessiveness and Preventiveness:

We see Type again lean towards marriage when he notices how happy he is when Tharn declares his ownership. But also they communicate, and Tharn tells Type he's worried about him overworking, he wants to be the one taking care of Type. Type is happy and grateful, he understands he's Tharn's number one priority. And he likes seeing people react to Tharn as a good boyfriend. But we see his fears come back, because the reason why he hates being exposed to the public, why he keeps refusing to involve people in their relationship is because of people like Nana.

Now I just want to speak about Type and Tharn's possessiveness and irrational jealousy. Obviously, people would say this is the reason for toxicity of TT except if you know the show and understand them it isn't. The way they started their relationship is enough to show you why they are so jealous of people, it wasn't to do with them not trusting each other, or being toxic and controlling. It's not to do with any of that. 

It's to do with Long. Remember him? In Season 1 Type had to go through a lot because of people's interference; San kissing Tharn, (making him finally call Tharn his boyfriend) and Tar returning and chasing after Tharn ( making him also protective and find out Long's interference causing them to break up). Finally Long had been manipulating Tharn for a very long time psychologically, emotionally and physically. Type knows Tharn is easily manipulated and easily attractive to problematic people.

 Nana is one of them, she's a flashback to all these people who tried to ruin what they had, and both TT has shown repeatedly this season are extremely overprotective of their relationship. It's not a surprise Type looks into Tharns phone and answers Nana and goes to her, he's being protective and preventive not toxic. He knows Tharn won't cheat; it's not about him; it's about as I keep repeating preventing measures that could cause harm to their relationship. Same reason why Tharn wants to get married and declare ownership, its to protect and secure their relationship. They have the same goal, just different methods. 

Leo and Fiat: 

Possessiveness and Proclamations

If you guys didn't notice Leo was mirroring Tharn is season 1 episode 2 I think. Type showed attraction to Tharn shirtless and drinking water, and the jealousy seeing him text someone else. We’ve those scenes before because we’ve seen Tharn do all that is S1. First thing to notice is; Leo is confident, he can distract Fiat. This shows you he's been doing it before, he's used to getting Fiat's attention on his body,  and he's used to getting Fiat distracted from other people, this is why he hasn't bothered with others. Because Fiat gets bored and returns back to obsessing and flirting with him. 

The problem here is Leo is too late when it comes to Type; it's his lack of presence in episode 1, 2 and 3 that led Fiat to seek comfort and trust in Type. Fiat finally found someone else to be excited about, someone else to feel inspired by and someone who makes him not bored when Leo isn't around. Fiat likes that about Type, he wants that; he's being distracted from his own feelings for Leo, he doesn't see or understand why Leo is acting out. He's too focused on his quest. And I get it, he finally has a chance to move on from Leo and still keep their friendship intact. Type is the way to do that. 

 The Problem With the Unofficial Label

This is the danger of unofficial relationships. Leo thought his comfort zone was being in this unofficial thing with Fiat. He had feelings, but he also thought Fiat wasn't going anywhere or getting distracted because he always returned back to Leo probably whining and throwing tantrums, he probably also again threw his shot and flirted heavily with Leo.

 Leo was okay keeping what they had this way (like Type was okay with keeping him and Tharn hidden), but it's only when he realises that their relationship isn't stable or secure for him to declare ownership that he reacts, he's learning just a bit too late. Fiat's entire focus has shifted to Type, and it isn't going to change any time soon. Leo has pushed Fiat away too much that now he's going to be regretting it and being hurt because of this. 

To all the people who feel bad for Leo, Fiat isn't manipulative or using Leo, he has no clue about his feelings for him, he gets hints sometimes, but it's always pushed away once Leo rejects his flirtations. If you noticed this episode before Type showed up Fiat was saying how he felt to Leo repeatedly; 

'I love you the most in the world."

"I'm handsome don't you think"'

"If I stop, won't you pamper me anymore?" 

 Each time he got rebuffed by Leo, Leo assumed Fiat was saying I love you to anyone easily as long as he was spoilt by them, he believed it was fickle and interchangeable. He walked away when he was asked if he thought he was handsome because of jealousy, and he failed to see Fiat's fear when he said the last quote. Leo doesn't see Fiat's feelings and Fiat has stopped trying to see his. Hence fixation on Type. Again this is for the plot, Fiat is a villain. After all, he's started to want to win Type's heart because he likes how he feels with him, and he's never lost a quest before. 

Plot: Type is getting closer to the idea of marriage, Nana has come into the picture. Type is determined to prevent her from doing something and goes to confront her. Fiat is also starting to fall harder for Type and has decided to pursue him. Leo, on the other hand, is also getting jealous and losing his control of his feelings and Fiat's attention. 

‘A MUNDANE PLOT AND STAGNANT STORY TELLING’ 

Three scenes with immense depth to character building mirrors from season 1 and more plot building. The plot hasn't stayed still, Tharn is more determined and closer to getting Type to accept his proposal, but he's impulsive, rash and rushes things without giving Type room to think. His brother warned him about this in the episode and its foreshadowing he needs to stop and slow things down. Give Type time! Type is possessive of what he has with Tharn and is also closer to leaning towards marriage, but if rushed, he'll panic and lose his cool. 

Fiat and Leo's plot is building, both have feelings for each other, but because Leo refuses to tell Fiat straight up or take his feelings seriously both think it's unrequited; in response, Fiat finds distraction and excitement with Type and so proceeds to focus on that conquest, he's determined to win Type's heart, but he also likes being with Type because Type seems to understand him and is just like him remember.

 Leo, on the other hand, this episode realises someone has actually taken his place in Fiat's mind and is now panicking and no longer willing to keep their relationship unofficial.

 See? Is that not a plot? We get both information and a build-up to Fiat becoming the villain, whilst again making us feel sorry for him. We get the marriage plot still ongoing, there's more manipulation to get Type to say yes, and he's close to it, but if rushed, he'll stop. There's still miscommunication and misunderstanding of each other's perspective when it comes to both our characters. The plot has not paused; it's always moving, everything was needed this episode. So all those people who keep complaining, please for the love of god calm down. 

More Tharn Type Analysis: Masterpost Check under Tharn and Type Here

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[general-kj]

Are you really so sure of Byler’s endgame? I’m asking this sincerely, not maliciously.

It’s just… I’ve seen this before in multiple fandoms. People read deeper and deeper into the “subtext” that just actually isn’t really there, when it’s all said and done. These ultra subtle clues that the creators are theoretically leaving just… don’t make a lot of sense. TV isn’t that subtle. The Duffers aren’t that deep.

They literally had Mike say he loves Eleven, in front of everyone. Pretty bold for this type of drama. He tried to tell her directly in the grocery store. And Eleven said I love you… and then kissed him. It’s romantic love.

I guess I just worry about people’s disappointment because while it’s fine to ship Byler, I think it’s likely going to remain a crack ship.

Hmm I cant tell whether you are actually being sincere or not because I've seen people acting like this before to try and get rid of my hope but I'm going to answer like your being sincere. I'm not a theorist so I'm not going to explain this as eloquently as others but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I'm not going to deny the fact that queer baits have been a problem in media for a very long time. But I've never been invested in those ships nearly as much as Byler because there is just something different about it. The duffers are very supportive of the LGBT community so I sincerely doubt they would do a queer bait. If anything Mileven is a straight bait, the duffers already done it once with Stobin, why cant they do it again?

This is actually a very deep show, if you've seen Kaypieces theories on things like the DID system you would know this. There is so much going on behind every action. There has to be a first time for everything and this is it. As soon as you look behind the surface level Mileven its all Byler. You could call it coincidence if we had only a few proofs but we have literally hundreds.

Lets talk about specifics now for a bit. In s3 I believe Mike uses El as a beard, he may not be aware he's doing it but he is. Mileven start of the season by kissing to cant fight this feeling anymore which is about someone falling for their friend, El wasn't his friend as they jumped into romance too quickly. Hes only known her properly for a few months and in those few months all they have done is make out. How can you fall in love with someone if you never talk to them? Its also awfully suspicious how he removes her hands from his shoulders when she tries to touch him whilst they kissing.

Throughout s3 Mike seems to be annoyed at her, there is a large compilation of pictures of Mike pulling weird expressions at her. If that's what love is I don't want it. When the mileven breakup happened Mike again seemed more annoyed than upset and the whole scene was framed as a joke whilst the garage sequence with Will was easily the most heart breaking scene of the season. Mike didn't chase after El but he did chase after Will.

I don't think El loves Mike either. She liked the idea of him she formed whilst sitting alone in Hops cabin watching soap operas but she doesn't like the real him. She gets annoyed when Mike starts singing and shows no interest in any of his hobbies. The only interest she shows in him is the fact that he's male and was kind to her. Within minutes of breaking up with Mike she was thinking of new boyfriends. She showed more interest in the karate kid than she did in Mike. At the end of s3 she went back to Mike because she needed the stability of a relationship after losing her father figure not because she actually loved him.

At the end of s3 Mileven kissed after presumably being separated for 3 months. Mike was taken completely by surprise because he had accepted it was over as the only reason he said what he did in the cabin because he was trying to win the argument he was having and just spat it out. Mike made no effort to kiss back and kept his eyes open the entire time, they even kissed in front of a open closet whilst Wills stuffed toy was in the background for goodness sakes. Meanwhile the scene with Will was arguably more romantic with Mike worrying about Will finding another party and at the end of the season I believe Mike makes his full realisation that he's in love with Will when he cries in his mothers arms.

Mike and Will were giving each other heart eyes from the first scene of s1, they might not of realised at the time they were doing it but they were. Mike constantly considered El a weapon he could use to find Will throughout s1 and only got the idea to kiss her because Lucas kept suggesting it. In s2 he stopped calling El the second Will needed help again and he was calling El out of guilt, he made no attempt to search for her like he had Will even when he thought he saw her. The crazy together scene is iconic and I don't think I even need to go into how much of a I love you scene that is. Then there's the best thing I've ever done and the you said yes scene which sounds an awful lot like a marriage proposal.

So in conclusion, both El and Mike are using each other in different ways whilst Mike is in love with Will. There is so much more I can talk about but I will save it for now. There are so many instances that have no hetero explanation like Mike and Wills reaction to the lingerie store and the sauna compared to Lucas's. The only things Milevens can come up with in return is that they kissed and said I love you. If you think that equals love god help you. Mileven is a toxic relationship and I'm glad the duffers aren't romanticising toxic relationships like other tv shows have in the past.

[cursedchilddrarry]

Harry and Ginny are heading for divorce

‘But Harry is canonically straight and married to Ginny!’ said - well, honestly, said no-one ever in the history of Tumblr, but regardless, I want to address this because I have thoughts.

In this essay I will... no, seriously.

(Note I have nothing against Lucy Goleby’s fantastic portrayal of this character in the Melbourne cast!)

Spoilers, I guess? Do I even need to say that at this stage?

Harry and Ginny married and had babies extremely young. Pre-Cursed Child, myself and most other people I speak to found the epilogue of DH fairly uninspired and disappointing, and I was again somewhat disappointed when I first saw the play to learn that it opened on that same scene (in my opinion it actually manages to salvage that terrible epilogue, but that’s another conversation). I think it’s fairly unrealistic that teenagers who suffered so much trauma would instantly get married, get jobs and have babies.

Anyway, per the canon that did happen, and now (in the Cursed Child), far more reaslistically, the situation is thus: Harry is a fairly terrible father, having no example to base himself on (or terrible examples only), and clearly never properly recovered from the trauma of his teenage experiences - how could he? He went instantly from a literal warzone into being married and having three children in quick succession, at the same time as being promoted extremely quickly through the ranks of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (and probably undeservedly - let’s face it, Harry probably isn’t smart enough or mature enough, even by 40, to be in the job he’s in - however, a white male being given a position he doesn’t deserve is certainly something I can accept as realistic, unfortunately, and wizards aren’t exactly the most tolerant or progressive bunch). Plus, I didn’t see his and Ginny’s relationship as particularly great. It could be argued much of this is due to the conflict of the events in the show, but I felt (whether intended by the writer or not) it ran deeper. Hear me out on this.

They argue a lot (without resolution)

One of the sub-conflicts/resolutions is Ginny wrongly assuming Harry is at fault for Albus running away, and though she later apologises, she makes a particularly harsh comment something like ‘the more mistakes you make, the harder to forgive you it gets’

Albus is honestly a bit of a little shit (I love him! Don’t throw things at me! Scorpius tells him he’s being selfish and he needs to get over his stupid issues with his dad, and Albus himself agrees) and though Harry definitely goes too far in his arguments with Albus, Ginny doesn’t really try to see Harry’s view at all or accept that Albus may be also at fault

Ginny endlessly tells Harry off and lectures him on his parenting, though I don’t see any evidence of her being parent of the year

Ginny makes a snarky comment about how ‘Harry does most of the cooking’, not her - yet we are told multiple times through the play that Harry works very long hours in a very high-stress, high-pressure job. Ginny is a sports editor. Seriously? He does the cooking?

I don’t get any chemistry between them. In fact, I feel she acts FAR more like a mother to Harry, rather than a wife

Which actually kind of makes sense, right? Harry always wanted to be part of the Weasley family and to have a mother like Molly - well, in Ginny, he kind of got that. And he always wanted a family, which explains why he rushed into having so many babies so quickly when he clearly wasn’t ready

I’m not trying to shit on Ginny - on the contrary, it looks to me like she’s in a difficult position with a rather immature husband who she needs to parent as much as her actual children. She constantly feels excluded from the golden trio (she says this explicitly), and even from the canonically-intense relationship Harry has with Draco; her role and her work are constantly overshadowed by Harry, and she has to fight every time for a place at the table, for her opinion to be heard (leading to her shouting a lot) and I honestly felt like she must be thinking maybe she’d be better off without Harry.

And on Harry’s side, in contrast to Ginny, he has fireworks and lightning-strike type chemistry with Draco; he has a lot of maturing he needs to do, which Draco seems to have already done, being far more together and a more natural father (although a bit stiff), and he has a deeper conversation with Draco in five minutes than he has with Ginny in the entire play; and also, although Ginny seems to know about Harry’s trauma, she doesn’t seem to understand it in the same way that Draco does. She just doesn’t have the same experience. Yes, she experienced a lot, but not to the extent Harry or Draco did. Although she listens to and tries to comfort Harry through his nightmares/flashbacks/general angst and misery, it’s more in a practical mode of ‘let’s get past this and move on�� whereas it felt like Harry was nowhere near ready for that - may not ever be ready for that.

In conclusion, my headcanon is (though they seem to make amends at the end of the play) that their relationship continues to deterioriate until Ginny leaves. And then Harry and Draco find each other, which is another topic.

If anyone read all of this, firstly I’m amazed, but also I want your thoughts on whether you agree with this analysis. As I said, I’m not hating on any of the characters or actors, this is just what I felt really strongly in the subtext, and I actually love this dynamic for these characters.

[amwritingmeta]

15x20: Oh fuck it’s actually really good. Dammit Dabb.

So I slept. And waking up the first thought in my head was... but there is this open ending with them all in Heaven and Cas not a stated angel even, just a helper to Jack...

And then I felt the need to watch the episode again. Because of how I’ve said, perhaps not for always, but often enough, that this show of ours was never about Destiel, was never about Dean and Cas’ love story, and beginning to hope that the ending would be focused on them... it wasn’t fair. Not really. And I remembered reading somewhere that a big chunk of the internet accepted Cas’ death as final, and seeing posts to that effect and thinking LUDICROUS and NO WAY and knowing all along that it could all be denial on my part.

And oh boy was it. 

I know there were plenty of us who kept that hope alive, and I’m thankful for you, but I made myself believe that he’d be back because I couldn’t imagine he’d die like that, or that the love story would end unreciprocated like that. And I guess, in a way, it still did, BUT... in another way, it really didn’t. 

It’s not enough. Subtext is not the representation I’ve always hoped for, but it wasn’t just erased either. And we got as much as we could get, because obviously Dean being textually bi and us getting an I Love You out of him was just never going to get green lit by the studio.

I’ve always believed the writers would’ve gone there if allowed. I think Cas’ love declaration underlines that they would’ve. But they weren’t given the opportunity, and I’ll lament it until the end of time, but it is what is.

What we did get, though, is quite beautiful. No, listen, IT IS.

There’s the emotional substitute Miracle Dog, getting so much LOVE from Dean, which I know most of us all went the big awwww at, no matter what we thought of the rest of the ep. 

There’s the healthy way Dean is dealing with the loss of Cas, and of Jack, knowing that pain will never go away, and accepting it. Accepting it because he’s feeling worthy of moving on without them. He’s no longer attaching his self-image to the perceived failure of protecting others. He’s letting them go, believing that they may meet somewhere further down the road.

But looking at the finale for what it is, rather than for what I wanted it to be (cardinal sin omfg my emotions really ran away with me and I wish I could’ve been more level headed and come on here with this positivity and calm) (but) (no dice) (anyway) it’s just beautiful how Cas is in the background, not waiting, not really, because he’s busy preparing Heaven and fixing his home in ways that will actually mean peace AND freedom when the brothers are done.

Something Cas would not have been able to do if he’d not fallen in love with Dean. If he’d not gone through his journey. I mean. Those implications are highly satisfying. 

Last night all I could think, ALL I could think, was that it’s not ENOUGH.

But it has to be. Because it’s not dismissive. It’s not erasing anything. It’s the same subtextual thread we’ve always been pulling on, and it’s there for us to continue to pull on, and that’s a goddamn gift.

I wish that 15x18 hadn’t been quite so in our face “kill your gays” buuuuuuuut that’s if you’re surface watching, yeah? Cas isn’t dead, for starters, and everyone was, obviously, brought back when Jack took Chuck’s power, so even if it wasn’t visually established that Stevie and Charlie are back and thriving, it’s narrative fact that they must be. What it is, more than anything else, is what I read it as to begin with: a love letter to the love story, where we get the subtext of couples loosing each other so strongly stated that there’s no way we’re not meant to understand that Dean losing Cas is within that exact same context.

We didn’t get textual Destiel, but we did get the love story textually confirmed through Cas’ declaration, and we did get it subtextually confirmed, not hinted, subtextually confirmed through all those other couples losing each other, that the love story EXISTS there, on that level, for us. 

Oh guys I feel so sad that I was so SAD yesterday. Why didn’t I just take a breath?? Guys, guys, guys, there’s such BEAUTY.

And Jensen.

Jensen in how he played that death scene. Jensen who kept it so even, so gentle, so... brotherly. These brothers have been through hell. Dean ending this way... it’s a travesty, but it also means he meant to go to the place where he doesn’t have to hope to see Cas again--because he will see Cas again.

And why didn’t Cas come right back to Dean once he was out of the Empty, why did he go off with Jack to fix Heaven?

I would say that it’s another underlining of Cas’ independence, and this his entire focus isn’t Dean, but, of course, I would assume the thought of Dean is ever present, and the rearranging of Heaven is as much about making sure Dean gets that freedom, as well as that peace, once he’s done as it is about Cas simply not being able to stand for souls being trapped in their memories anymore. Cas knows how to fix Heaven. I mean... that’s a fucking gorgeous and highly satisfying ending to his individual arc. And he’s with Jack!

Like. I mean. That implication that Cas is fixing Heaven with Dean at the back of his mind is quite head-exploding to me. And yeah, sure, that’s how I’m interpreting it, but all the ingredients for that delicious pie is left right there for us in this ending.

What about the legacy issue? What about found family? What about Dean finding happiness in death? What about Dean opening himself up to love?

Yeah, it’s not without issues, depending on how we interpret these things. Do I believe Dabb set out to write an offensive, horrifying, deeply problematic ending to this show and pretty much hand it over to the side of this fandom that has always been the... well, shall we say, less stabile? 

No. I kept saying yesterday that I just didn’t understand what happened, I didn’t understand why our writers room would choose THIS ending, I couldn’t fit the pieces together. That was on me, not on them. Get me?

Interpretation is deeply subjective. It’s personal. And it’s tainted. Always tainted, guys, and there’s no way around that. It’s not perfect and it’s not absolute and all the writers can hope for is that their core message will get across strongly enough to avoid misunderstanding.

I misunderstood the intention yesterday because my interpretation was tainted by what I wanted and felt I needed from this narrative.

For years I’ve refused to put expectation on the story because I know what that does to one’s perspective. It’s futile to engage with hopes and wishes on a deeper level because the show will never deliver exactly what you want. It’s delivered stuff in the ballpark enough times for me to dance alongside it, but to place so much expectation on this finale was just... oh man. Bad. 

I take full responsibility. :)

What about the legacy issue?

The legacy is that you live the best life you can and you end up in happiness, with the people you care about. You LIVE. Nothing about Dean’s death is prescribing dying to get what you want. We have it established that Dean is not suicidal in any way, that he’s mentally stabile and that he’s carrying on without Cas, even though he thinks about him. Not living would make the sacrifice pointless.

What about found family?

Found family was meant to be a part of this ending, but due to COVID (I’m assuming along with everyone) we didn’t get a collection of oldies and goodies at the Roadhouse. We got a father figure to signal the father/son thread that this finale was pulling on, a thread always tied so tightly around Dean and Sam and underlined for us in this episode. The codependency finally broken because they were ready to let each other go. Not forever, because that would’ve been tragic, but for now.

What about Dean finding happiness in death?

The implications of Dean having to die to be happy are quite dark, I know that, but he was never going to hang it up. Not entirely, right? He would never be able to rest on Earth. And he’s always afraid. So instead of spending a lifetime alone, growing into a crusty Bobby (who lost the love of his life too early too), Dean got to go to the place where his happiness actually is. He got to go where Cas is.

I mean, that’s my interpretation here, but rather than set both brothers up with a love life and families and all that, we got a Dean who’s lost the love of his life and is dealing with that loss as best as he can, but who is also ready to go when it’s his time. He wasn’t expecting it to be right then, that day, and he says as much, but he’s ready. As long as Sam is ready to let him go. And Sam isn’t, but he does, and Sam deals with that loss, and finds his way into life and living and loving and happiness in a way that Dean simply wouldn’t have been able to. Because he lost the love of his life.

And Dean waited for Sam to show because of course he would. Sam was the only thing missing: Cas, and Jack, and everyone else Dean has ever loved and cared about, were already in Heaven. For the show to go on, Sam had to return too.

Hope.

That hopeful ending that I, and so many, many of us, have always wanted. Sure, everyone’s DEAD, which, you know, bummer, but they are at peace, they are together, and they are done sacrificing, bleeding and dying. Isn’t that remarkable? Isn’t that the greatest reward? Love and happiness and togetherness. Forever!

And for this fandom, we got what we hoped we’d get, right? An ending open enough for us to keep returning to this narrative over and over and over.

Let me formally apologise for the despair of yesterday. For all of you still feeling it, I send you so much love. Know I understand, I honestly do, but I hope, perhaps, some of these words will offer a sliver of comfort.

So, this is first impression based on second watch of 15x20 positivity. Let me know if anything hits right or hits wrong and let’s talk. <3

[penrose-quinn]

Maledict | Ryoumen Sukuna/GN!Reader

@netflix & chill anon:

For the drabbles if its not too late how about "Kiss me, and you will see how important I am." with reader insert with Sukuna!? Maybe their like just sitting alone watching some type of scary movie and its a Netflick and Chill moment!! uwU i really wanna see how you write our fav King dude owo!!

a/n: thank you so much for requesting! 💕 will omit the scenario because of my rules! 

posted: 06.26.21 | prompt list: kiss me, and you will see how important i am

prompt ficlets: [Blinding] [Masterlist]  word count: 942 content tags: prompt ficlet. historical au. sexual subtext.  tw: mild violence. non-consensual kissing. sukuna is his own warning tag. yandere-ish sukuna (because i don’t think he’ll give anyone the time of the day).

pov: you’re his fool and follower through and through.

It begins with a curse, pursed around the mouth.

Tragedy stains on the edges, sucked behind teeth and tale that go about as any other: Hate.

No one hates more than humanity. Sukuna knows better after all.

His memory of you lingers when you’re at his feet, like a pilgrim to blind faith; one built upon a hatred for him. 

You can make a shrine of it from your eyes alone. Sukuna has tired of his devotees a long time ago, though perhaps, you can serve him well to the last of your pathetic life.

But, he smirks. Offerings are meaningless without blood. 

Sukuna cleaves your family in pieces that day, but he spares you out of whim. Even though he doesn’t cut you, he can sense a scar part open from your lips. A dark promise trickles there like spit. He doesn’t bother glancing back.

Sukuna knows you will follow.

As a shaman, you’ve done so exceedingly for years. Time and tribulation make you stronger, more ferocious. You look more predator than prey after every battle and confrontation, where none of the holy men have any of the madness you possess in your pursuit for vengeance.

Sukuna can almost feel your curses, full of strife and grief. They will spill out of you like fever and gore on your thighs, and he will amuse himself that no matter how many times you chase after him and bleed for it, you lack fear. 

Fear is what makes humans and animals alike smarter—but you? What are you then?

Faithful and foolish, as he remembers you to be. Not many hold such an honor to be recalled by him.

Still, Sukuna likes you better on your knees. At the brink of death.

It’s been like that ever since.

Though powerful in your prime, you’re only human. It marks you so thoroughly.

The map of your flesh, engraved with age and history. Yours and his. Flesh is transience made corporeal, but it’s also what gives the soul a kind of suppleness through a body. Made to sweat, to be broken, to rot.

His immortality shudders at the thought. Shudders from other things, too.

Because Sukuna can only ever cut you.

Perhaps, not quite like how one cuts the other between their legs, but a wound is still a wound. Yours is deeper, more pain than pleasure, lusting for violence. Do you lust for him? Pieces or together, torn-asunder, tangible; everything always leads to being dismantled in its entirety all the same.

Sukuna mulls over it when he gazes at the distant outline of the city. “Will it displease you if I were to slaughter what you're protecting?”

On the ground, you clutch onto your weapon, your wound, and your words; all bloodstained and baneful.

“No . . . Kill them, if you want.”

Curious, Sukuna looks down on you.

“Explain.”

“I was stationed here to protect the corrupt. Noblemen who take from the poor and their wives and children who aren't any better.”

“Not as compassionate as other shamans, I take it? Why don't you just let me kill them now?” Sukuna steps on your shoulder. 

“Because you will,” you sigh, but you rise to your feet. Rise against him for decades. “I, however, will die for my duty and faith.”

You stare at him. Sukuna almost finds it reverent.

He scoffs. “A pathetic way to die.”

Your lips split into a withering smile. “Is there any graceful way for a shaman?”

Sukuna doesn't dwell deeply for an answer. There never is.

Then he lifts your face up to him, thumb carving up your cheek. “Would you pray for it, holy fool?”

You never wince from his touch. “You aren’t one for mercy.”

I am not.

The mortal flower of your life can't compare to his and Sukuna feels how fragile you are flailing in his arms; still so much fight in you, so much promise at the verge of your demise.

Your hands claw for purchase on his shoulders, firm and unyielding; like the arms below them, clenched around your waist like a cage.

It’s a vain attempt to lean back and carve a breathable distance between your bodies when he makes it clear that no such boundaries should exist, even when his hold carries the blatant threat to shatter you. He grips tighter and something in your bones moan, but nothing leaves your lips.

They’re the only part of you that trembles; thin, wistful breaths stained red.

“Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.”

More than dying, more than living.

Sukuna still wants to taste your fear, but you’ll rather cling onto bravery instead and it makes a fool out of you. 

“Go to hell.”

Insolent.

His hand on your throat tightens like a collar to keep you close. It fits you so much that you’ll throttle. He should smother you some more. Make it worse, make it wider. Your lips part like a wound. 

However, Sukuna believes they're better off sealed against his own and takes his claim anyway. So he becomes the knife, and as knives are, they’ll thrust forward, twist. Your voice bleeds; a beautiful, agonized sound.

The inside of your mouth is silken, like a soft, unspoken caress. Set apart from the scarred ridges and roughness that comprise the rest of you; all his markings, worn like devotion.

His teeth graze on your tongue, tempted to rip it off you only to hear you scream, but Sukuna finds himself more intrigued to keep it there. Keep it tight and closed as a tomb. This secret is yours and his now. 

How you taste like a curse.

[annethepancake]

Sherlock rant

I recently rewatched BBC Sherlock for Rupert Graves, and aside from the lack of Lestrade appreciation I have a lot of problems with this series. Here are my thoughts:

1. It was all a blur

My second first impression of the show: I don't remember anything but the characters. And some characters I just blatantly forgot, like Mary. And I loved Mary on my second watch! I really forgot that at one point John actually got married and I don't even remember when I watched the show for the first time. I can still recall most of HIMYM's events and I hated that series.

2. It’s overall not a detective/crime show

Watching Sherlock for the second time, I mostly turned off my brain and just let it play in the background because (1) there's hardly anything for me to solve with the characters, most clues are taken by Sherlock off-screen anyway (especially after season 2), (2) they focus way too much on the quirks of the characters that make it almost like a sitcom that got dragged on for way too long. A crime/detective show shouldn't allow me to turn off my brain.

3. The characters just kinda fall flat

Exploring the depth of human emotions is not a bad approach to a modernized version of anything, I’m not trying to pretend I’m better than someone who gets sentimental over fictional character (if you know my blog at all, you know I am not), but at least write good characters. Sherlock is hardly a multi-faceted person; in fact, he’s kinda like the Wattpad teen fic main character sometimes. He physically fights off some terrorists with a machete to save the damsel in distress? He gets high off his tits but still got everything right all the time? John is just kinda there for most of the cases. Jim is a poorly written antagonist. Irene is a lesbian but gets the hot for our main character, surprise surprise. The only interesting characters to me are the ones who act like normal people: Molly, Greg and Mary. They are the multi-faceted characters, ones who I can actually relate to without feeling inferior to them in any way. Write characters like them, stop trying to be smart about it and stop writing Wattpad fanfictions for Sir Conan Doyle’s original works.

I get that they try to make Sherlock more like a human with emotions, making him quirky and arrogant, then make him quirky and more likable. It’s hardly a convincing character development though. He’s given over-powered deduction skills, so edgy, so high and mighty all the time. When he is finally written as vulnerable, turns out he has plans for that too. I would love to see him get it wrong once and maybe get humbled by that mistake, but getting Mary shot and killed is hardly even his fault, he is only doing his job. And killing off Mary is overall a bad idea anyway.

4. They treated the fandom like shit

I was absolutely disgusted at the start of season 3 when the showrunners just straight up shat on their fans. I wasn't there with the fandom during the wait between season 2 and 3, but I believe it was a pretty long wait (2 years, I could barely wait 2 years for my comfort series, and they have like 10 episodes per season), and they were presented with the first actual mystery of the series: How did Sherlock survive the fall? After years of waiting and having fun theorizing, they were met with a mockumentary about them, starring the most hated character of the protagonist and the fans. Those are the people who actually cared about the show for god's sake. The fact that the showrunners treated fans like crap and there's still an active fandom for the show appalled me.

Now not only The Empty Hearse bugs me, but the entire show does as well.

Allow me to digress.

Doki Doki Literature Club is a great example of audience engagement done right (Sorry for using this example I’m not actually that invested in the other franchises). After the success of the first game, the story provoked so many fans into solving the mysteries of the characters, some of them went really, really far. And that’s because of the actual mysteries that the development team took effort to plant into the plot. There is actual pay-off for painstakingly following the clues; as far as I know, only two (2!) people in the world have come close to solving the mystery of the first game (or they actually did). The game developers value their fans and their intelligence enough to have planted those clues where they did, and it’s a genuine exchange between the fans and the creators. Now even though you haven’t actually played the game, when you hear of the name and you’re only kinda familiar with gaming (like me), you’ll probably know what it is. What started as a mere open-source game by an indie developer became a sensation which left millions of fans begging for more.

Looking back at Sherlock, there are tons of logical flaws for a self-proclaimed crime series, virtually no clues for the audience to solve crimes along with their favorite detective, and when there was actually a mystery (Sherlock jumped off the building), they plainly showed him alive and well minutes later. Do we really need to see things spelled on screen to know what’s going on? Are we supposed to accept that Sherlock Holmes is an all-knowing future-predicting genius now too? Not a great sign of respecting the audience there.

So far, the only thing left that’s interesting about this series is the characters’ dynamic. Which brings me to the next criticism I have for the show.

5. The plague that infested mainstream media

Why is there still an active fandom? Queerbaiting and targeted marketing.

Community marketing is proven to be one of the best marketing methods there is, if not the best, to lengthen the lifespan of a product or service. The way they do that for shows and films and video games is usually by planting seeds of possible lores and history inside the content. Look at Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, they are franchises that ran for multiple years with a ton of history and world building that provokes fans’ imagination.

Sherlock - well, Sherlock has sexually ambiguous men.

Sherlock has a formula for success. It was an adaptation of the most iconic detective novel in the world, funded by one of the biggest TV networks in the UK and possibly the world (don’t quote me on this). Making this series means you can appeal to such a wide group of audience even before airing. Adding in the quirky smart men who live together, you’ve basically guaranteed a prime-time show with millions of loyal fans all over the world.

Fans are not stupid, and queer people don't just find queerness everywhere they go. They know a gay subtext when they see one. Sherlock came back from the literal death for John, pretty gay if you ask me.

This show is very much not just about some guys being dudes solving crimes, they have relationship that’s deeper than friendship, and definitely not platonic. They deliberately wrote a sexually ambiguous Sherlock Holmes from the get-go - literally from the very first episode, then capitalized off of the targeted demographic, never a pay-off for their anticipation. Martin Freeman said in interviews that he could recognize Sherlock fans, them being generally women from 16 - 25. No shit Sherlock, this show targets them and capitalizes off of them, being quirky and gay as hell, of course the fanbase is generally 16 - 25 and female.

Sherlock queerbaited the fandom for years for the sake of marketing and there’s never a pay-off, nor was there any recognition to the community, and to add to all that bigotry, queercoding pretty much all of the villains? Why was a show aired in the 2010′s allowed to do this? Why did Mark Gatiss, an openly gay man, a writer of the show, allow this to happen? Why are millions of fans all over the world allowing all this to go on?!

6. Conclusion

Now I haven’t read the books yet, so I’m not at all qualified to criticize the adaptation quality of the TV series; I’m just talking about the TV series on its own. Despite my criticism, I think the first two seasons did quite okay. There are quite a few nice cases there, I like The Blind Banker and The Hound of Baskerville. They did those well because the focus was on the cases themselves, and the connection between John and Sherlock was only in the background. I, like many other fans, like to figure things out on my own, to read between the lines, and to not have things spelled out for me. With the next seasons bombarded with Sherlock and John bonding it seriously felt like mere fan service for me and even though I wasn’t there when the show was on, I still felt like I was robbed and my interest in the show was abused.

Sherlock is undoubtedly super influential in pop culture even now. It has to have done something right to be in that spot (capitalizing off loyal fans?). I’m not writing this rant to change someone’s mind about the series, by all means, I’m still gonna love the hell out of Gavin Lestrade, and absolutely lose my mind over Mary Watson. So do take my words with a grain of salt, I’m just disappointed that one of the most influential shows there is is just short of my expectations.

[marshmallowprotection]

people who Didn't Get that Ray and Suit literally integrate in the good ending and that GE isn't just a whole new personality 🤡

not only do they clearly misunderstand who GE Saeran is but also DID in general lol.

Okay. Cheritz doesn’t confirm or deny either theory in the After Ending, so it’s up to the player how they read into the dialogue and subtext of the situation for how they view GE Saeran, Ray, and Suit Saeran. The tenses and how he speaks of them can make someone unsure.

If people want to read into it and be in the realm of thinking like, “I don’t think there was a fusion yet because some of the language there is confusing,” there’s nothing wrong with that. 

I don’t think they’re hurting anyone with that theory as long as they’re respectful to the people that view the opposite theory. The way that he talks about Ray and Suit Saeran can be perplexing to some people so I don’t blame them for being unsure because they haven’t done research or tried to better understand things.

You can always check out my masterpost which links a lot of my thoughts on my personal stance. 

I personally read into the context of the Route and AE, and all I see is a fusion. All I see Ray and Suit Saeran’s very sudden integration. Ray and Suit Saeran both can to a conclusion during those last days at Mint Eye, and that was that they needed to be strong in a way that they hadn’t before. 

Because strength was always built on fear and animosity. Suit Saeran was born of fear and of a need to protect not only himself but Ray as well. He wasn’t just born of anger and fire and torment. He survives and tries to suppress to keep them safe. 

Ray is someone who is there because he is a... in his own words, “a weed that never dies no matter how much you try to kill it.” He survives because he has to and because he’s scared to give up. 

But, this could open some of my more lengthy debates about how people have misunderstood Ray’s personality and Suit Saeran’s personality. Because they are not good and evil personified. They are far more complex than Ray being kind to you and Suit Saeran pushing you down. There’s always a blatant and hard misunderstanding for people who view them as one-dimensional. 

You can view a post on those takes here. 

When the fusion happens on Day 10, it’s sudden. It’s abrupt. Neither of them planned it. It just happened. That can happen sometimes. They both united on this feeling of wanting to protect the one that they loved dearly, and because of that, they came together without even realizing it. You can see them on day 10, the newly used Saeray, who doesn’t know who he is yet. 

Speaking of Ray and Suit Saeran as him being them and them being separate and all of that. It’s not until he sees his precious MC again and he can breathe now that he has faced his abuser and took a very brave step forward that he is able to hear his own thoughts and realize: 

“I am Ray and I am Saeran.” 

He didn’t plan on that. GE Saeran didn’t expect to exist. Suit Saeran was going to leave. He was going to set back and go away for your safety and to work on himself in the headspace because he felt so ashamed of himself. He knew he did wrong, and even if you forgave him, he didn’t forgive him. That jumps into an even bigger topic because his AE is framed around forgiveness and I think a lot of people don’t realize that—

His forgiveness, in the end, wasn’t for the people that hurt him. It was proof to himself that if he could be better than the people that hurt him. He could do the right thing even in the face of his own anger. GE Saeran chose forgiveness so he could forgive himself. Because no matter if it says it or not, that part of him that was once Suit Saeran still feels shame. 

Ray, too, but in other ways. 

It also kind of hurts when people say that they can’t find Suit Saeran in GE Saeran was a fusion. It’s the teasing, it’s the taunting, it’s the ability to poke fun at you and hold your hand. Just as the parts that people see from Ray, the soft and tender whispers underneath a sea of anxiety and the feeling of flowers in your hands that he picked. 

GE Saeran is Ray and Saeran, but he’s also his own person. He has their experiences and their memories but he is also himself. He’s them and they’re him. They made him who he is by coming together, and he’s making a life for himself now as GE Saeran. 

I think the hard part for people who don’t look deeper into fusion are upset and think that fusion and/or integration means that Ray and Suit Saeran are gone. But, they’re not gone. Alters don’t die. They live on in GE Saeran. Their feelings and experiences are in him. You may not be able to speak to them directly in the way that you could in the past, but you’ll find them in GE. 

You’ll find Ray’s gratitude and Suit Saeran’s tenacity in GE... and more. You just have to be willing to look at him. 

If you glance at one of my linked posts, I talk about what happens if you talk to GE Saeran about Ray or Suit Saeran. He will answer fondly and kindly to what you have to say, in the past tense, knowing what they experienced and felt in the past because he was them. He’ll tell you what they felt and what they thought, because he feels those things, too. 

They’re not gone because they fused. They’re still there. 

I think I’m just babbling now and not making any sense, haha. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts about the matter and I do my best to be respectful as I speak of it because I want to make sure that I’m representing them properly and appropriately. The game never tells you how to view it, so you can decide what you feel for yourself, but just be open and willing to listen to people who view it their way. 

[doomonfilm]

Ranking : Gus Van Sant (1952-present)

I was somewhat familiar with Gus Van Sant prior into taking the deep dive through his catalog, but he was certainly a man that I thought I had a handle on.  I knew he had more than a few amazing films under his belt, but the recent years had not been kind to him (see the shot taken at him in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).  I knew that he was from the Pacific Northwest (Oregon specifically), and his coming of age in an area that embraces weirdos and outsiders had an impact on him as a human and as a creator.  I knew that films like Milk and Good Will Hunting had taken Van Sant to the highest heights, while the collective panning of films like Psycho and Last Days served as valleys in a career full of glorious peaks.

What I came to discover, however, was a man with genuine creative integrity, and lots of it.  I found a director who understood his characters and actors on a human level, and shared them with viewers in ways that helped rich connections develop.  I saw a director who was not afraid to make those that society often considers outcasts the  emotionally rich and important centers of his narratives.  I watched Gus Van Sant present, explore, develop and refine his style over deeply independent and infamously studio-driven projects, giving all experiences as much care and attention as he was able.  I saw films I was familiar with find placement behind films I was new to, I discovered that his recent creative years have not been as kind to him as the first two-thirds of his career, and I can see that there still may be a bit of a smolder left in his creative fire.  

Ranking directors is a labor of love, but by no means do I consider myself the definitive professional on film canon.  I enjoyed all of the Gus Van Sant films I watched on some level, and as always, for those brave enough to interact, I’d be curious to see where you would make adjustments to the list.  But enough introduction talk, let’s get into what you folks came for!

17. Restless (2011) There are things about Restless that I want to love without judgement.  First and foremost, Mia Wasikowska is an absolute treasure who shines in this performance from the earlier portion of her career.  The portrayal of Hiroshi is one of the more subtle, substanced and interesting ways of using a ghost within the film framework.  As minor a thing as it may be to the casual moviegoer, some of this film’s technical aspects are astounding, specifically the costuming and the lighting choices.  Where the film distracts me, and therefore drops in these rankings, is where it takes the YA approach to the romantic drama, with a healthy dose of manic pixie dream girl energy thrown in for good measure.  When it comes to displaying romance on-screen, be it teenage or otherwise, there are no expectations, even for a director with a distinct style.  Where my issues arise are in the way that death is handled in this film… while I do understand that not every film has to be a distinct statement for a director (especially a film written by another individual), Gus Van Sant had already established a very mature approach to the subject of death, and the way that death and the manic pixie dream girl aspects are intertwined feels more on the amateur side than I am comfortable with for a Gus Van Sant film.  Maybe giving the impossibly troubled young man a muse with an expiration date as his way to find the best version of himself is a stroke of genius that provides a gateway for deep commentary on the concept of the manic pixie dream girl, but the film is so approachable and not the type to bare teeth (be it satirically or otherwise) that I doubt there is any subtext to its intention.  For that reason, this film finds itself on the bottom half of the Van Sant canon.

16. Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (2018) After the critical and box office disappointment that was The Sea of Trees, director Gus Van Sant had quite the hill to climb with his next film, and with his adaptation of Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, it seemed he was able to right those respective ships.  Strangely, the film failed to connect with me, and as far as I can tell, it seems to be the victim of an “all sizzle, no steak” scenario.  The film is certainly a showcase of a very diverse cast, and based on both the flashback-based and group therapy approach to the story, there are a wealth of opportunities to create memorable moments.  Unfortunately, and perhaps due to an oversight on my end, I failed to find enough substance during my viewing of the film to prop up the parade of moments.  What it felt like I was left with, sadly, was a Simple Jack-level approach to conveying a paraplegic-centered story, which undercut the fact that the film is actually telling the true story of cartoonist, artist and musician John Callahan.  That’s not to say that the film doesn’t have it’s positive aspects, such as the John Callahan illustrations and the animated versions of his work, but those positive aspects feel sparse in comparison to how much the film relishes in what feels like Oscar bait.  If nothing else, see this film for Jonah Hill, because it took me much longer than it should have to recognize him, partly due to his impressive weight loss and partly due to how dedicated he is to achieving the film’s period look.

15. The Sea of Trees (2015) Death is no stranger in the films of Gus Van Sant, but I don’t feel that it would be bold to state The Sea of Trees deals with death in the most direct manner.  For those that subscribe to grief having stages, this film accounts for all of them in some way, shape or form during the course of the narrative as we watch Arthur Brennan fall apart and rediscover himself in the wake of losing Joan Brennan, his wife.  Placing the film in Aokigahara (aka the "Japanese suicide forest") not only gives the film a sense of natural beauty, but a foreboding sense of dread and despair as well.  The core cast is as strong as any found in a Van Sant film, with Matthew McConaughey, Ken Watanabe and Naomi Watts all turning in solid performances.  Sadly, the film falters in one very core aspect : sympathy for the protagonist.  I found myself feeling very bad for Joan Brennan as I watched her arc, and despite knowing nothing about Watanabe’s character portrayal of Takumi Nakamura, I found myself sympathetic to him based solely on what he was emoting.  Arthur Brennan, however, is interesting in all the wrong ways… he is extremely cold and purposefully flat when introduced, the moments we share with the Brennans only seem to show Arthur finding joy at the expense of Joan’s pride, his view of the loss of his wife (and his world view in general) seem to be extremely self-centered, and when he does show heroic attributes they are rooted solely in self-preservation.  Perhaps if Van Sant had not already made such eloquent reflections on death via The Death Trilogy and Paranoid Park, The Sea of Trees could have been seen in a different light, but when you set such a high bar for your work, returning to stereotypical storytelling can feel flat and uninspired.

14. Last Days (2005) Last Days is a film with a weird energy and aura surrounding it… in some ways, it feels like the most performative film not only of the Death Trilogy, but out of the entire Gus Van Sant catalog.  At the risk of using too negative an adjective, it also feels the most exploitive, though neither of these observations are necessarily meant to be a knock against the film.  The Death Trilogy could not help but be exploitive at its root, as each film was inspired by an infamous death event, and with Michael Pitt’s Blake meant to be an avatar for Kurt Cobain, it would be simple to take the film at face value for some sort of glamourized and idealized fictional retelling of his tragic final moments, not to mention a few stylistic nods to iconic Cobain-related imagery.  What that viewer would be missing, in my opinion, is a film looking to make some familiar points on outsider culture (specifically alternative rock and roll counterculture and addict culture) minus all the glamour and shine.  While Blake’s house is grand, it’s decrepit and in a state of disrepair… despite it being isolated, expected and unexpected guests arrive constantly, not to mention an intrusive ringing phone that connects Blake to outworld obligations… Blake has a number of people living with him, but he almost never interacts with them.  Michael Pitt is done up to look so similar to Kurt Cobain that much of the narrative background is implied, and what we are left with is the Death Trilogy style implemented and fused onto a loose leaf narrative with just enough structure to let the supporting actors have isolated memorable moments while we watch Pitt’s Blake decay in the ways that many of us Cobain fans ruminated on in the wake of his sudden and tragic death at the height of his tortured popularity.

13. Gerry (2002) At the risk of sounding cliché, Gerry may be the most fascinating film in Gus Van Sant’s canon.  It marks a clear and definitive break in convention from a director that seemingly never cared too much for convention anyway.  Multiple aspects of this film make it extremely unique : both characters referring to one another by the same name (though Gerry eventually evolves into an all-purpose non-specific descriptor), a seemingly absent narrative, a shared goal between the characters literally referred to as “the thing” in order to purposely keep viewers in the dark and, perhaps most importantly, a deliberately methodical pacing that pushes even seasoned film lovers to the limits of their patience.  The film is beautiful, and that is a fact that cannot be denied… the painterly shot compositions of our characters in the isolated desert, the unfathomably long tracking shots that pull us deeper off the beaten path and the sonic stillness (due to a largely absent score that is replaced with the sounds of nature) either commit you fully to the experiment or come off as massively pretentious.  To view the film through that secondary lens, however, is to miss the point of it all.  Once it is understood that Gerry marked the entry point for Gus Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, you began to realize that Van Sant, in tandem with Matt Damon and Casey Affleck, are giving us an understanding of how we should view the trilogy, and how open-minded we should be in processing what is given to us, like some early high-concept version of what Quentin Dupieux would later go on to master in a more abstract manner.

12. Mala Noche (1985) It’s fitting that this was a feature-length debut from a driven and working director, as it has a very distinct look and feel to it that immediately lets you know you’re dealing with an innate storyteller and someone who has spent time observing the human condition.  In terms of visual and narrative balance, Gus Van Sant utilizes what feels like a mix of John Cassavetes and Jack Kerouac, respectively.  Van Sant’s use of titles in the film is striking, specifically in terms of the handwritten opening credits and the Dr. Pepper ad copy used to subtitle the Spanish language dialogue.  Focusing so heavily on immigration and homosexuality in 1985 is a bold choice, especially as neither group had yet to benefit (even if only minimally) from the onset of politically correct culture policing.  While the film was more than likely shot in black and white due to budgetary constraints, the infusion of somewhat modern elements (for the time) gives it a youthful and forward-thinking energy.  Having a film of this nature lean so heavily on multilingual and multicultural elements is refreshing, and even more impactful when examined under the boorish and (at times) tone deaf application that humanizes these elements.  For all of these aspects of the film, however, when examined at the pure narrative foundation, what we find is a story about how love can blind us from the reality we inhabit, and how we often choose to ignore the obvious when romance and romanticism enters the picture.

11. Psycho (1998) Of all the films in the Van Sant catalog, perhaps the bravest, boldest and most baffling entry is his nearly shot for shot remake of the iconic Alfred Hitchcock thriller and cinematic game changer Psycho.  Remakes were certainly not a new or unheard of practice at the time of the Van Sant Psycho release, but most directors opt to put significant twists or updates into their retelling of most remakes, and most films chosen do not hold the lofty stature and position that Psycho does when it comes to remakes.  Van Sant’s approach not only made viewers keenly aware of just how direct the homage was, but in some places, modern touches were added in very subtle ways to make the movie more palatable for modern audiences, including more salacious references to sexuality, sound design choices in both the diegetic and symbolic realm, and even an update or two to iconic scenes meant to make us much more uneasy with the Vince Vaughn portrayal of Norman Bates.  The actors cast were all famous and respected enough to keep the film’s timeless feeling in-tact, even if the remake could be taken as its own weird and warped project.  Personally, I’ve always loved this remake, and taken it as an experiment on the highest commercial level, and a signal to all that Van Sant (at the time) was done with the traditional approach to filmmaking and concepting.

10. Paranoid Park (2007) While many movies centered around skateboarding spend their time and design budget trying to make the outsider nature of the practice look “cool”, Paranoid Park spends its time making sure that the isolation, deep focus and rebellious attitude that come with skateboarding were more authentic than they were appealing.  High school is already a very taxing and polarizing section of juvenile development, and based on your perception at the time, the weight that the world unloads on you can feel wholly unbearable.  Perhaps this is what makes Paranoid Park such a tense film… that natural teenage angst is already imprinted into the film (and amplified due to the casting of relative unknowns), but Gus Van Sant’s signature use of alternative film stocks, obscure soundtrack and expressive, layered sound design but you square in Alex’s head from the opening moments.  As the narrative unfolds, we realize that Alex is not only dealing with standard-issue teen stress, but has unwillingly found himself involved in the type of events that change an individual’s world.  This film plays well as the first film post-Death Trilogy, as it deals with the gravity of mortality head-on much like the aforementioned three films, but does so from an adaptive stance rather than one based on true events.  If you’re a fan of skater flicks, movies with strong teen acting, or little-known Gus Van Sant gems, then Paranoid Park is a gem waiting for discovery.

9. Finding Forrester (2000) Gus Van Sant has always had a way with stories that dive below the surface of the human experience and condition, so it makes sense that his attempt at a New York-based movie about people living in “the hood” would cover an array of topics with masterful subtlety, specifically the topics of race relations, generational gaps and the blurry line between education and exploitation.  The casting on this film is extremely strong… then newcomer Rob Brown gives a riveting and dynamic lead performance, it’d be harder to cast a more perfect curmudgeon than Sean Connery, and appearances by F. Murray Abraham, Anna Paquin, Busta Rhymes and a Matt Damon cameo all stand out.  Speaking of Damon, Finding Forrester shares a similar energy to Good Will Hunting, but the proximity of release ultimately held Finding Forrester from finding its proper audience (no pun intended).  I wish I had more to say about this film outside of my personal feelings and connections to the story (which I will save for a dedicated deep dive in the future), but Finding Forrester is one of those films that has no trouble speaking for itself.

8. Promised Land (2012) As of the point that this blog post was created, this film stands as the last of the great Van Sant creations.  There is something about the Gus Van Sant approach to filmmaking that works best with “salt of the Earth” types, and with Promised Land being centered around the practice of fracking, much of that down-home nature is immediately baked into the story.  Speaking of the story, the film was co-written by the characters who ended up being the protagonist and antagonist of the picture, respectfully, which created an electric main dynamic that served as the spine for many other strong dynamics present in the film.  In terms of the cinematography, much of Van Sant’s bold approaches and stylistic shifts are absent, save for a few beautiful bird’s eye view perspective shots that give you a real idea of what rural America looks like.  Van Sant is no stranger to stacked casts, but he gets some truly top notch names to take part in this affair, and true to the clout behind these names, the performances are as stellar as they are believable and natural.  The film also touched a nerve with the actual oil industry due to some of its comments on fracking, despite it not having the reach or success of other Van Sant films.  While possibly an indicator that Van Sant would be making a stylistic shift, Promised Land still manages to capture what makes Van Sant his best self in terms of not only presenting real people, but topical and important situations.

7. Milk (2008) Gus Van Sant is clearly no stranger to having representation for the gay community in his films, so it makes sense that one of the hallmark films in his canon would center around gay rights activist and politician Harvey Milk.  Much like JFK crystalized Oliver Stone, or Spike Lee was raised to another echelon by Malcolm X, Van Sant found a second round of Academy Award-level validation via this biopic while solidifying himself as a creative who could go back and forth effortlessly between big budget studio films and independent projects.  With Sean Penn giving one of his signature chameleon-like performances and leading the pack, this Van Sant production is filled with tons of burgeoning talent who have since gone on to make names for themselves in the industry, including the likes of Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, James Franco, Alison Pill and others, plus a standout performance from Josh Brolin (who also depicted George W. Bush in the same year for the aforementioned Stone).  While it may not be the most technically marveling film of Van Sant’s career, it is clearly one of his most important, and the way that it handles the messages it intends to share is as confident as it is even-keeled, which is important for a film that could have easily become a soapbox for espousing personal beliefs and political agendas.

6. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993) This Gus Van Sant adaptation of the famed author Tom Robbins novel shares the same creative energy of films like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Natural Born Killers, Harold and Maude and so on in the sense that it is a very expressive film with a very specific idea it is looking to present.  Where the aforementioned films explored ideas of free love taken to the extreme, the toxicity of media, love without judgement and so on (respectively), Even Cowgirls Get the Blues puts femininity and identity outside of the male gaze squarely in its crosshairs.  Uma Thurman takes on the role of Sissy with wide-eyed zeal, floating through a series of hitchhiker-based adventures until her reluctant visit to the Rubber Road Ranch helps her find the missing piece of her puzzle.  Seeing a bizarre, star-studded tale of a woman finding her agency sounds like it would work on the surface, but from what I could find, the film failed to make a connection with audiences and is considered a commercial and critical failure (which is probably why it was the toughest film to track down on this list).  That being said, I’m a sucker for films that catch a bad rap, especially when the combination of such a unique director and visionary author are the foundation of it, because it makes me curious about why I find connection where others did not… who knows, maybe it was those extremely distracting rubber thumbs (the only real knock I can make on the film), or maybe the Tom Robbins style is tough to transfer from page to screen, but for my money’s worth, I can see the vision.

5. My Own Private Idaho (1991) Somewhere within the intersection of films like Midnight Cowboy and Fight Club lies My Own Private Idaho, an extremely personal and nuanced film that covers many topics with depth and an ease that comes with wisdom and experience.  For example, when it comes to views on identity, we get two rich narratives that could easily both be their own film : Mike (portrayed by River Phoenix) is going through a crisis of identity based on a sordid history with his mother and absentee father that makes his search for love transform into a life of hustling as a way to find momentary intimacy; meanwhile, Keanu Reeves (who plays Scott) is an entitled young man awaiting an inheritance that decides to spend the time until it happens “slumming” with those many would consider the outcasts of society, much like the “tourists” spoken of by Edward Norton’s narrator in Fight Club.  The struggle with masculinity in the face of homosexuality is all over this film, from its multiple male on male connections to the very toxic manner that the core group interacts with one another, when they are not grieving or putting their livelihood in danger via petty crimes.  In terms of Van Sant style, the film is one of his most innovative (outside of the film holding the top spot) in terms of looks, with its unique range of colorful title cards, the pinhole vision that Mike uses on his road, or even the standout magazine rack sequence.  The film is also a perfect follow-up to Drugstore Cowboy, and could easily double feature with it to this day.  As someone not wholly familiar with Shakespeare’s Henry plays, I did not catch that My Own Private Idaho was an adaptation, so I will not only have to revisit it with that familiarity in tow, but  I will have to take a look into James Franco’s re-cut, My Own Private River, as well.

4. Elephant (2003) Based solely on the nature and definition of a trilogy, a second film can make or break things.  Gerry and Last Days share similarities in how quiet and isolated they are, so it makes sense that Elephant, part two of Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, would in many ways be the meat of the trilogy sandwich in terms of style and thematic substance.  Elephant operates on several distinct levels based on Van Sant’s observations of the world going into the new millennium, as the film allowed him a foundation for both experimentation and examination by proxy.  While the long takes and vast amount of distance traveled during said takes was present in all three films of the trilogy, Van Sant made a concentrated effort to make the shots look and feel similar to that of video games like the later Grand Theft Auto entries, hence a number of the shots being positionally locked during travel (often times a few feet behind the character at the center of that moment’s focus).  There are ramp-downs of the frame rate to punctuate certain moments, and quite often the camera is thrown on a tripod and allowed to take in the array of high schoolers living their standard life.  It is this mundane world-building aspect that not only gives the viewer a rapid but deep look into a handful of character’s lives, but it gives you a sense of the school’s social hierarchy while forcing you to reflect on where you once stood within it.  Per the film’s clever title, the elephant in the room eventually appears in the form of Eric and Alex, the pair of school shooters meant to reflect the Columbine Massacre perpetrators.  While school shootings weren’t an unknown phenomenon going into the 2000’s, Elephant became prophetic in its vision by releasing right before the numbers started rising at an alarming rate on these incidents.  In that sense, Elephant holds the dual distinction of not only being one of Van Sant’s best films, but one of his most important.  I will soon be looking into the 1989 Elephant film as well.

3. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) The power of Drugstore Cowboy as a modern-day narrative tragedy about the epidemic of prescription drugs, the dark allure of crime and the oddball way that broken people find solace in one another is immediately evident to anyone who has had the pleasure to see Gus Van Sant’s studio directorial debut.  Where the film really stands out however, in my opinion, is the way that Van Sant is able to achieve his major studio look while deeply applying a very artistic and personal aesthetic to the cinematography and editing.  The traditional looks are interspersed with the use of different film stocks, subtle blends of animation and flashes of stylistic edits that were almost certainly an inspiration for Darren Aronofsky’s “hip-hop editing” style.  Add to this an incredibly intuitive and expressive core cast driven by the chemistry between Matt Dillon and Kelly Lynch (and a very early Heather Graham supporting appearance), plus a strong appearance by the always memorable Max Perlich, a fiery James Remar performance and an iconic cameo from William S. Burroughs.  The jazz-influenced score not only makes key scenes livelier, but it is a symbolic statement on the drug use depicted in the film, while simultaneously playing counter to the soundtrack choices.  Period, point-blank, Drugstore Cowboy is the kind of film that surely put the world on notice, and was a clear signal of the magnificent work that would follow.

2. Good Will Hunting (1997) If held up to the standards of what people consider to be good (or even classic) film, Good Will Hunting more than holds up to scrutiny.  Visually there are a small handful of flourishes, and having Elliot Smith’s music accompany Will’s painful but enlightening journey has only become more of a bittersweet sting as the years go by.  In terms of performances, everyone brought their A+ game to the table, be it the leading performances of Matt Damon, Robin Williams or Stellan Skarsgård, the supporting performances of Ben Affleck or Minnie Driver, or even the engaging nature of Cole Hauser and repeat scene stealer Casey Affleck.  After a flurry of dedicated fandom viewings in the years following this film’s release, a very long period away from the film where I had leagues of personal growth, and a revisitation for this set of rankings, what I have discovered is that Good Will Hunting presents a wish fulfillment fantasy that was nearly incapable of being a reality in the pre-internet age for anyone other than a character like Will : an undiscovered genius with a degree from the school of hard knocks.  In a world where people often wish they had the correct answer to every question, the looks and personality to be a social magnet, and the ability to back up any tough talk with stone hands, Will Hunting stood as an idealized example you wished you could peel off the screen and have some beers with.  As the internet has invaded our lives, however, most everyone has turned into a keyboard version of Will Hunting, looking for fights online when not having briefly intimate Google sessions to flex our supposed knowledge.  Much like Will, many people find that the knowledge minus the wisdom of worldly experience and vulnerability leaves you a shell of a person filled to the eyeballs with regret, and perhaps that is why this film only gets better as the years go by, and remains among the best of the Van Sant creations.

1. To Die For (1995) For the longest time, I avoided To Die For simply because I was not a fan of Nicole Kidman…  the vast majority of her roles held no interest to me prior to To Die For (it took Eyes Wide Shut for me to really start paying attention to her), and because she was so key to the film, there was never a sense of urgency about seeing it.  As time went by, however, I started to hear rumblings that To Die For may have been a bit ahead of its time, to the point that technology and social practices have caught up to some of the ideas presented in the film.  I finally watched it for this ranking set, and man, I really missed the boat on this one.  Plain and simple, this film is pure genius on every level.  The presentation starts off documentary-esque, which not only allows for expedited distribution of backstory information, but immediately gives you an idea for the personalities of our key characters.  Kidman’s portrayal of Suzanne stood as the textbook example for what has become commonly known as sociopathy, with her blind desire for fame and respect leading to a wake of human destruction.  In terms of narrative pacing, the film proceeds like a match dropped at the endpoint of a long gasoline trail, slowly drifting towards the eventually point that everything blows up and damage must be assessed while blame and accountability must be handled, resulting in a truly powerful ending more than deserving of the heavy lifting that precedes it.  The 24-hour news cycle was on the horizon in 1995, daytime talk shows and MTv’s The Real World had not shifted into the reality TV landscape that we know today, and while a few high profile cases such as the Menendez Brothers and Pamela Smart trial (the loose inspiration for this film) had happened, the bombshell and watershed trail that was the O.J. Simpson murder case was hot on the heels of To Die For’s release (the same month, actually).  Stylistically, the film also bears striking resemblance to an updated version of Sunset Boulevard, be it knowingly or not.  Long story short, the best films not only comment on the times in which they are created, but gain relevance as time passes, and To Die For handled both of these things phenomenally.

[esmeraldablazingsky]

I’ve finally hit my limit on the number of bad takes on the Lan parents I can see before I have to lay out all the reasons I disagree, so hello, I’m Blazie, and in this essay I will justify my visceral dislike of the assumption that Qingheng-jun married/imprisoned/had sex with Lan-furen against her will.

    Warning for mentions of rape (in context of Interpretations I Really Hate) and a very, VERY long post below the cut.

    Before I start going off about the finer points of all this, I want to make sure people are on the same page regarding what we actually know about what went down with Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen. What I say is based off the EXR translation of MDZS, for the sake of clarity, and although I don’t think the exact wording should be too important, feel free to let me know if you think I’ve missed an important bit of nuance or something (the whole story is in Chapter 64.)

    The story we get is told by Lan Xichen, and it goes like this: a young Qingheng-jun falls in love at first sight with Lan-furen, who doesn’t return his feelings, and at some point kills one of Qingheng-jun’s teachers over unspecified “grievances.” Although he’s understandably very upset over the murder, Qingheng-jun sneaks Lan-furen back to Cloud Recesses and officially marries her in order to announce to his clan that anyone who wants to hurt her has to go through him.

After that, he locks Lan-furen in one house and himself in another as a form of repentance. Wei Wuxian speculates that this was because “he could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.” 

    A central detail of this story that I think people don’t give the import it deserves is that aside from marrying and protecting her, Qingheng-jun’s other option was to let Lan-furen be executed by his clan. His purpose in marrying her wasn’t just for kicks/out of a possessive sort of love, it was so she wouldn’t straight up die. How she felt about this arrangement isn’t stated, but I’ll get into that in a bit. In addition to that, Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen live separately, which was apparently purposeful on Qingheng-jun’s part, and runs counter to the interpretation that he intended to take sexual advantage of Lan-furen.

Though there aren’t many concrete details in Lan Xichen’s retelling, he does specifically inform Wei Wuxian that his mother never complained about remaining in her house. What exactly this signifies is unclear— whether she was simply putting on a brave face for her sons, or whether she was in fact at all content with the situation— but it at the very least serves to further muddy the waters on how she and Qingheng-jun felt about all this. 

Beyond what Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian are saying out loud, there’s also quite a bit of subtext in this scene, especially in light of later events and revelations, like Lan Xichen’s confession for Lan Wangji at Guanyin Temple. 

So what is Lan Xichen trying to convey with all this? There’s a lot of memes about this scene, most of which err too far on the side of Himbo Airhead Lan Xichen for my liking, but one that I do find amusing emphasizes how Lan Xichen draws parallels between Wangxian and the story of his parents (Lan Xichen: [flute solo] please use your one brain cell to connect the dots.) If Wei Wuxian hadn’t completely lost his memory of Lan Wangji defending him against his own clan elders, one would assume that Lan Xichen’s story would have had a much better chance of hitting home. 

In hindsight and side by side, the parallels are much clearer— Qingheng-jun, “ignoring the objections from his clan… told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.” Similarly, according to Lan Xichen in Chapter 99, “for [Wei Wuxian,] not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the GusuLan Sect. He heavily injured all thirty-three of the seniors we asked to come.”

In that context, it makes a lot less sense to interpret Qingheng-jun as an aggressor towards Lan-furen, as in Lan Wangji’s case, the narrative clearly establishes that his actions are to secure Wei Wuxian’s safety. The action of Taking Someone Back To Cloud Recesses is— okay, actually, it’s a little more nuanced than I took into account when I started writing that sentence, so let me go a little deeper into Lan Wangji’s actions and how they relate to his father’s, story-wise. 

My intent is not to dive into the terrifying underworld of novel-versus-drama discourse, but simply put, Novel!Lan Wangji as he is written isn’t exactly the poster child for clear consent. (I’m going to entirely leave off the extra chapters for the sake of everyone’s sanity, so I’m just talking about the main body of the novel here.)

He means well, and I’m sure we can agree that he does actually love and want the best for Wei Wuxian, but his lack of communication on this point means that he accidentally gives Wei Wuxian the impression that he wants to imprison and/or punish him in Cloud Recesses at least twice off the top of my head (pre-timeskip, as we know, and post-timeskip immediately after Dafan Mountain when he actually drags Wei Wuxian back to his room.) 

That all likely has something to do with MXTX’s narrative kinks and regular kinks and all that, and can absolutely be taken with many grains of salt. However, these events establish how easy it is to misinterpret the action of Taking Someone Back To Gusu as an attempt to imprison rather than protect them (much to Lan Wangji’s chagrin.)

Failing to communicate his purpose to Wei Wuxian doesn’t mean that Lan Wangji actually had any intent of hurting or caging him— that was just a misinterpretation on Wei Wuxian’s part, and we, as the audience, find that out in due time— but as written in the novel, it can be really uncomfortable to read. Because of that, many people choose to accept CQL canon regarding Lan Wangji’s more possessive actions or mix characterization from different adaptations, which, to be clear, I completely understand and respect. 

However, Qingheng-jun doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt as often, which I frankly find baffling, because nowhere in the text does it state that Lan-furen objected to being taken back to Cloud Recesses, while even Wei Wuxian clearly objected the first few times. In fact, while we’re on this note, I’ll take it a step farther— I find it baffling that people seem to default to an unsympathetic view of Qingheng-jun, because nowhere in the text does it state that he overruled Lan-furen’s wishes in any way. The text doesn’t clarify a lot of things, actually, and that is part of the point. 

The narrators of MDZS are, in many situations, highly unreliable. This is, presumably, very purposeful! MDZS can easily be read as a sharp criticism of reputation and mass judgment and the concept of condemning people without knowing their motives! And I don’t want to sound mean, but guys… did any of us learn anything from that? Here, I’m going to put it in meme format for a second to convey what I mean. 

MDZS: It’s easy to condemn someone as a villain if you don’t know their story or the reasons behind their actions

MDZS: Anyway, here’s a character whose story and reasons behind his actions you know nothing about

Some Parts Of This Fandom: Ah, a villain 

    Memes aside, here’s what I want to point out. It’s entirely possible to assume Qingheng-jun was a bad person who disregarded a woman’s wishes in marrying and confining her when all you have is Lan Xichen’s (actually very neutral, thank you Lan Xichen for being an eminently reasonable and concerned-with-evidence character) account of what happened. It would also be at least that easy to assume Wei Wuxian was just an evil necromancer if he hadn’t un-died and brought his own story to light, or even to believe that Lan Wangji had somehow tamed Wei Wuxian into submission and being a respectable cultivator if you were an average citizen of Fantasy Ancient China with nothing but rumors to operate on. 

    The thing about Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen’s story, then, is that there is nobody left alive who knows the full tale. Nobody knows what they thought about anything, really. Nobody even knows why Lan-furen killed Qingheng-jun’s teacher. Wei Wuxian asks why, and Lan Xichen can’t tell him, but I think the best answer would be something along the lines of I don’t know, Wei Wuxian, why did you kill people? Your guess on the motivations of your own thinly disguised narrative parallel are as good as anyone’s. 

    So, while it’s not technically impossible to assign darker motives to Qingheng-jun, the cautionary tale of MDZS seems to warn against that exact assumption. 

    I’ve refrained from getting too salty on a personal level thus far, but now that I’ve said a lot of the more logical and story-based points of my argument, I will say that at least some of my annoyance with the interpretation of Qingheng-jun as a possessive rapist and Lan-furen as his victim stems from the fact that I just think it’s straight up boring. Where’s the nuance? Aren’t you tired of reducing these characters to the flattest possible versions of themselves? Don’t you just want to add a little flavor? 

    In a slightly more serious phrasing of that criticism, I find that making Lan-furen a helpless prisoner strips her of whatever agency she might otherwise have. To be fair, she’s more or less a non-character in keeping with the general state of the MDZS universe, but making her a damsel in distress only consigns her more deeply to hapless, milquetoast innocence. 

    It’s perfectly valid to enjoy ladies who have done nothing wrong, ever, in their lives, but like… Qin Su is right there, if that’s your ball game. There’s also really no need to make Qingheng-jun someone who doesn’t respect women. Isn’t Jin Guangshan enough for at least one universe? 

    Anyway, ultimately, you do you. I don’t like arguing on the internet, and will just ignore things I don’t agree with (or write an 1800 word vaguepost) like a mature human being. I’m just saying, if it’s a cut and dry tale of imprisonment and assault you’re looking for… you probably don’t want to turn to a woman who committed a murder and a man who loved her enough to forfeit everything to keep her safe.