#i thought i built different friendships this year but not really i behave the same i try to fight it but its the same

[waluijoe]

i always feel like i gotta pick and choose which side of myself i gotta show me pple depending 1) if they can take the rest 2) how embarassed id be if any detail of me was the source of mockery, in front of me or behind my back. & that means no matter how much i love the pple i love, no matter Who it is and how badly they think (and how badly i assure them) they know me but. they really dont have the same parts that anyone else who knows me does. none of them have the same parts and smtimes it maybe even contradicts. and its all because im ashamed of having so many parts. and how many details pple could mock. and i think this got worse because all the friendships i made in the time where inwas trying tonfigure out who i am were Mocking pple who loved to act kind but shame others behind their backs (and i grew up in a family that did the same)

[lurkingshan]

Wedding Plan and the Evolution of MAME

I have a bit of a love/hate thing going on with MAME, one of the most notorious writers in the bl genre. Her shows have traditionally been a mixed bag of incredible chemistry, high heat, dubious consent, and pushy semes transgressing every boundary laid out for them, all of it built atop a foundation of heteronormativity and homophobic tropes. In the early years of bl, her shows were one of the only places you could go to see mature depictions of intimacy in relationships, but they also necessitated dodging through a landmine of problematic content. So my long standing policy has been to never watch her shows live and instead binge them when they’re done so that I can go in with some idea of what to expect. As someone who liked Love By Chance and TharnType for what they did well despite their problematic aspects, and actually kinda loved Love in the Air, I figured I would watch Wedding Plan at some point, but it wasn’t that high on my priority list. 

So imagine my surprise when people I trusted started telling me: hey wait, this is actually really good? Like, not good for MAME, but genuinely, legitimately a quality show. @bengiyo wrote a great post on the queer read of the story that was very intriguing indeed. @ginnymoonbeam wrote about seeing an authentic representation of her own experiences in the show. When I asked for others to weigh in, @negrowhat, @slayerkitty, @thegalwhorants, @nieves-de-sugui, @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, and @magpie24601 all said they were enjoying it to various degrees and that it felt different from MAME’s previous works. So this weekend, I sat down to watch it, and as soon as I finished, I pinged @waitmyturtles, who had previously said she did not intend to watch any additional MAME shows, to tell her she had to add it to her project tracking the evolution of Thai bl. 

Because y’all, this show! This show is stunning, in more ways than one. The people and settings are gorgeous (shoutout to that McDonald’s money), the characters are compelling and sympathetic even when they behave in frustrating ways, the romance is properly swoony, the friendships are deep and touching, the family relationships are complex, and the ending is triumphant. I enjoyed it immensely, and I was taken aback by how genuinely rooted in queer experience and celebratory of queer love it felt. It was kind of a revelation, and I felt compelled to get down some thoughts about it. I’m going to break this down by narrative themes and characters so that I can dig into some of the tropes at play and what makes their deployment feel different here than it has in MAME’s previous shows.

The Core Premise

When I say this story feels authentically queer, this premise is the foundation of that. A lavender marriage is something that can only occur between queer characters. Right away, we are kicking MAME’s typical use of heteronormative tropes right out the door, because Lom already has a wife. Yiwa is his stand-in for the female partner his parents and society expect him to have, so Nuea cannot and will not fulfill that role. Instead, Lom’s pursuit of Nuea is explicitly about his desire to break away from those constraints and pursue the authentic queer life he has never been allowed to live, even if he has to do it undercover of this facade. Lom is gay, and he is pursuing a relationship with a gay man, and there is no coding here to make a heterosexual audience feel like what he wants with Nuea is the same as what he’d have with a woman. The difference, and the way one fulfills Lom while the other doesn’t, is the point.

Nuea

At first glance, our POV character, Nuea, feels like a stock MAME uke character. He is cute, he is a romantic, he is emotionally reactive, and he has a massive crush on Lom pretty much from jump. But pretty quickly, we start to notice some important differences between Nuea and those who came before him, starting with his competence and confidence. Nuea is the ace at his company and excellent at his work, and he’s financially comfortable. He is an out and confident gay man with a strong community of coworkers, friends, and family who will support him through anything and close ranks to protect him when needed. He does not share the standard characteristic of typical MAME ukes: uncertainty about who he is and/or low self-esteem. There’s simply not a whiff of that anywhere on Nuea. He knows who he is, and he knows what he wants. And as the story unfolds and Nuea gets deeper entangled with Lom, we recognize another crucial aspect of him: he is experienced, both emotionally and sexually. Nuea has been in relationships before, he knows how to say no, he knows how to draw a boundary, and he knows when he is deciding to cross one. In short, Nuea has something crucial that a lot of MAME ukes are lacking: power and agency. 

We see this throughout his relationship with Lom, as Nuea begins their flirtation eyes wide open about his own feelings and the fire he’s playing with, and alternately pulls back and pushes forward as his conscience wars with his desires. Nuea wants Lom. Their attraction is extremely mutual. No one is wearing anyone down or inspiring a sexuality crisis in this dynamic. Instead, Nuea’s struggle is rooted in his own morality and desire to be a good person, because he thinks Lom is taken, and he wants him anyway. Which is why we see him waffling so much and sending Lom all kinds of mixed signals, pushing him away with one hand while grabbing him back with the other, drawing boundaries only to step right back over them at the next opportunity. And when he finally crosses a boundary that he can’t rationalize (sex with Lom), he retreats back home to try to get his head together. It’s not an accident that despite Lom being in the active pursuer role, we see Nuea make a conscious decision to move forward and even be the one to initiate a relationship progression at several crucial points in the story. Nuea is making his own decisions here, and he has his own power over Lom that he exercises consistently. He’s warring with himself, not with Lom.

Lom

Lom is also, on the surface, a fairly standard MAME seme character. He wants Nuea, and he’s comfortable being pushy about it. He pursues Nuea fairly relentlessly, showing up in front of him even when he’s told not to, and leverages his role as Nuea’s client to see him as often as possible. He obsessively pines for Nuea in a way that also feels familiar. But for me, there is something that makes Lom stand out and feel markedly different from his predecessors in his romantic pursuit: sincerity and frank honesty. 

From the start, Lom is genuine in his interest in Nuea and sincere about how much he likes and admires him. He tells him in a very straightforward manner that he likes him and wants to spend time with him. He tells him he knows he doesn’t have the right, but he wants to kiss him and be near him anyway. He tells him exactly what he intends to do to stay close to him, and then he does it. He tells him honestly that he loves Yiwa, but not in the way Nuea thinks, and that he is not marrying her because he’s being forced. “But Shan,” I hear you yelling, “he did not tell him the most important truth!” And you’re right, he didn’t, at least not until he was forced to do so. Which brings me to the other thing that makes Lom so compelling: the constraints of the closet and his loyalty to Yiwa. 

Lom, unlike Nuea, does not have a supportive family or the freedom to live as an out gay man. What he does have is a best friend whom he loves deeply and completely, to the extent that he would sacrifice his own life and chance at happiness to protect hers. He has no choice but to hold some things back, because to lay it all bare would expose not only him, but her. The decision to tell a boy he likes the truth about the nature of their relationship is not just about him; anyone knowing is also a risk to Yiwa and the life she is building with Marine. And he takes his duty to protect that very seriously. On top of that, Lom has been in the closet since he was a teenager. We know that Lom and Yiwa connected over their queerness and their mothers’ bigotry when they were only 15 and 13, respectively. They grew up Knowing. That self-protective mindset is not something you can easily shake off, and not something you risk for any given person you develop a crush on. He is trying to walk a line in his pursuit of Nuea to snatch whatever happiness he can without blowing up his entire life. 

And to Lom’s credit, the moment he realizes how serious he is about Nuea, he goes after him (with Yiwa and Marine’s support), dutifully pays his penance and earns the respect of Nuea’s family, and finally unburdens himself, looking at Nuea with complete and total honesty and saying to him “This is who I am, this is my situation, can you deal with it? Do you still want me?” And by the way he sobs when Nuea says “YES” and asks to be part of his arrangement with Yiwa and Marine, he never expected for someone like Nuea to accept him and all the complications of his life. He was absolutely overcome by gratitude and relief, and you could see the burdens he’s been living under start to lighten. 

Yiwa and Marine

I don’t have anyone to compare Yiwa and Marine to, because to my recollection, they are the first significant female characters in any MAME story. And significant is an understatement. Yiwa is the engine that drives this entire story. The lavender marriage is her idea, because it’s the only way she can think to give herself the freedom to be with Marine under her mother’s watchful eye. She is the one who goes to her best friend and begs him to do this for her, because she trusts him absolutely and the devotion between them is complete enough that she knows he will sacrifice in such a monumental way for her. She is the one who encourages Lom to pursue his own happiness with Nuea within the constraints of their arrangement, hoping that he will find his own Marine that can hang in for this half life they’ve constructed to meet the tenets of filial piety. She is the one who ultimately decides to come clean when she sees how the lie is hurting Nuea. And she is the one who makes the final decision to prioritize her love over her obligations to her parents, and in doing so frees them all. 

The fact that a character like Yiwa exists in the bl genre at all, let alone in a MAME show, is mind-blowing to me. A female character with this much depth and narrative importance, who is not just here to play a cheerleader to men but instead to be a fully realized character with her own narrative? A female character who matters? In my Thai bl?? 

And Marine gets to matter, too. Marine, whose experience of coming into this relationship and accepting the limitations of the life Yiwa can offer her is treated with the utmost seriousness. Marine, who we see in joy and in struggle, who is kind and compassionate with Lom, who offers solace and guidance to Nuea, and who ultimately crumbles under the weight of Yiwa’s mother’s cruelty and reaches her breaking point. As minor as her role is, she feels like a real person, not a generic side character. The relationship between her and Yiwa is developed enough to make us feel invested in their happiness, to understand the choices they make, and to ultimately feel joy at them breaking free and living a more authentic life, even if it comes at the expense of Yiwa’s family bonds.

The Ending

Which brings me to the way this show ended its story, and how glorious it was. Yiwa and Marine run away to live on their own, freeing Lom from their agreement in the process. Yiwa takes full blame for the broken engagement, a parting gift to Lom that saves face for his parents and gives him cover to publicly dodge any further expectations for marriage to a woman. Lom’s mother, who is just as bigoted but not quite as stubborn and short-sighted as Yiwa’s mother, understands exactly what has happened, and reaches out to her son to assure him that she will no longer try to force the issue, and to ask him plainly not to run away from his family like Yiwa did. It’s not the support and love of Nuea’s family, but a kind of resigned acceptance that she offers. She knows who Nuea is to her son and she knows if she tries to intervene any further she will lose him for good. It was reminiscent for me of the dynamics between Shiro and his parents in Kinou nani tabeta—it still hurts, but it's a detente everyone can live with.

And Lom and Nuea? Have the freedom to love each other more openly. To flirt in a restaurant and hold hands in public. To live together and call themselves partners to the people who matter. We end on a message from Nuea about the beauty and joy of queer love, the simple nature of two people deciding to marry regardless of their gender, and a promise that someday soon he and Lom will be the ones to make that commitment. Just, perfection, and an earned resolution so rooted in a genuine queer experience. It’s not something I could have imagined seeing in a Thai bl even a few short years ago, and I am stunned that MAME is the one who delivered it. Her storytelling is clearly evolving with the culture around her, and I will be going into her future works with an open mind.

[jdgo51]

Loving Others at Their Worst

Today's inspiration comes from:

A Gentle Answer

by Scott Sauls

"'When Saturday Night Live comedian Pete Davidson crudely mocked Congressman-elect Dan Crenshaw because of his eye patch and flippantly remarked, “I know he lost his eye in the war or whatever,” no one expected the former Navy SEAL and decorated war hero to respond to the insults in the way that he did. The mockery of Crenshaw’s combat-inflicted disability, motivated by Davidson’s disdain for his political views, resulted in such a strong public backlash that Davidson fell into depression and self-loathing.

He wrote in an Instagram post, “I really don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I’m doing my best to stay here for you but I actually don’t know how much longer I can last. All I’ve ever tried to do was help people. Just remember I told you so.” Having lost his eye in combat in Afghanistan due to an explosion, some might have expected Crenshaw to say of Davidson, “Well, it serves him right.” He could have added to the backlash or simply ignored the comedian. Instead, the veteran privately reached out to befriend, encourage, and speak life-giving words to Davidson.

He told the comedian that everyone had a purpose in this world and that “God put you here for a reason. It’s your job to find that purpose. And you should live that way.” Instead of firing back, Crenshaw built a bridge. Instead of shaming and scolding, he spoke tenderly. Instead of seeking vindication through retaliation, he sought friendship through peacemaking. Instead of adding to the cycle of outrage, he soundly defeated outrage with a gesture of unconditional love. Moved by compassion for the pain that Davidson had brought upon himself at Crenshaw’s expense, the man trained in military strike and defense offered a gentle answer — so gentle, in fact, that it turned away the wrath of another man’s political ire and the wrath of that same man’s subsequent self-loathing.

Then, on Veteran’s Day weekend, the two came face to face on Saturday Night Live to make amends. Crenshaw offered warm remarks and high praise in reference to Davidson’s own father, who was a New York City firefighter who died in the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks when Davidson was seven years old. At the end of the segment, when he thought they were off camera, the embattled and humbled comedian leaned over to Crenshaw and whispered, “You are a good man."

Because Jesus Christ has loved us at our worst, we can love others at their worst.

Such stories of kindness, forgiveness, and reconciliation can help us when we are faced with our own decisions. Do we take offense and strike back, or do we seek to extend kindness and offer a gentle answer? It applies when we are at odds with a family member, when we butt heads with a colleague, when our views are criticized online, when our children don’t listen to or respect us, when someone rejects us because of our faith or our race or our social rank, or when we feel misunderstood by those of a different generation or economic situation or culture.

Those of us who identify as Christian have been given a resource that enables us to respond to outrage and wrath in a healing, productive, and life-giving way.

Because Jesus Christ has loved us at our worst, we can love others at their worst. Because Jesus Christ has forgiven us for all of our wrongs, we can forgive others who have wronged us. Because Jesus Christ offered a gentle answer instead of pouring out punishment and rejection for our offensive and sinful ways, we can offer gentle answers to those who behave offensively and sinfully toward us.

But make no mistake. Jesus’s gentle answer was bold and costly. His gentle answer included pouring out His lifeblood and dying on the Cross. Our gentle answer will be costly as well. We must die to ourselves, to our self-righteousness, to our indignation, and to our outrage. For

whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. — Matthew 10:39

Jesus has been gentle toward us so we have good reason to become gentle toward others, including those who treat us like enemies.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in Heaven. — Matthew 5:43-45

Because Jesus has covered all of our offenses, we can be among the least offensive and least offended people in the world. This is the way of the gentle answer.

Written for Devotionals Daily by Scott Sauls, author of A Gentle Answer.

[creaturebehavior]

i dunno i’ve just been really dissociated for the past couple days

super out of touch but also lonely like i need to connect and want to connect but don’t know how

i cannot for the life of me remember what it was like to talk to leo on the phone a week or two ago when we joked around and laughed all night. i remember i was still a bit weird then because i don’t speak to people often and we hadn’t spoken in awhile but i know i felt pretty at ease and i remember i had a good time. like factually i remember this but emotionally i cannot recall the feelings. and something happened and i split on him really bad all of a sudden and i feel uncomfortable about it. i’m like that’s my friend who i like and i miss. and then i try to talk to him and i have no idea how to relate. i’m like who are you again? like i can’t remember who he is or what our friendship is like? i couldn’t even tell you. i remember we have been friends again for a year now but i don’t know what it’s like to be friends with him anymore. and i’m not expressing this because it’s unusual for me, i am expressing this because i’m exhausted from this and not comfortable that this is happening yet again. it’s like i feel completely detached from me, or whoever that person was a couple days ago. i don’t feel connected to that person like i feel like an entirely different identity almost. it’s so freaky and hard to explain my brain involuntarily will force me to retreat so badly that i don’t remember anything i know. i even have been feeling uncomfortable trying to connect with my cat at times which is unusual for me but i guess since i’ve been so isolated this past year maybe i’ve personified her to a point that i’m now detaching from her a bit as if she were a person friend of mine.

it’s all very strange. i texted meagan at some point in all this. it was so weird. when i went to text her i felt so cut off and bizarre and i didnt understand what my relationship with her was either but i saw something that made me think of her so i took a day a built up the courage to send it to her the next day i think.

gosh i just feel so far away from the world and like everything is grayer and yucky. a few days ago when i thought of him and i know i felt tenderness and love and connection. god i wish my brain didn’t behave the way it does. i keep trying to snap myself out of it. but then my brain flips agains and i go wait why would i do this? i do not know him i do not relate to him why would i be trying to feel interested in him again? it’s exhausting

at the end of the day like i mostly logically know he’s a friend of mine but wow if the part of me that’s convinced we’re strangers doesn’t sound just as convincing. it does begin to get difficult to know what’s true. i keep really freaking myself out about it if i think too much. keep telling myself like yeah you miss him but now is not the time. i don’t know how to describe my ability to miss him and feel like he’s completely unfamiliar simultaneously. that one, i can do at the same time. missing him and not knowing him. who even is he? but that’s my friend so i believe i must love him….

it’s nothing to do with him at all either. it’s my brain doing all kinds of stuff on its own

[misscarolineshelby]

Roommates – Part Sixteen

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words:1,876

Warning: Fluff, Smut

Note: This plays in 2020. It’s all fiction and not based on Cillian’s real life and family.

A week had passed since you told Cillian that you loved him and, whilst you were strongly under the influence of pain medication, you remembered it.

You had, in fact, developed strong feelings for him and whilst the words left your lips accidentally when you were drowsy and half asleep, you were somewhat disappointed by the fact that he didn’t say anything.

Of course, he didn’t share the same feelings for you, you knew that much. You’ve been friends for so many years that you could hardly be surprised that he liked you as a friend and for sex, but nothing else. But, what you had expected was that he would say something, anything at all, even if it was simply confirming what you already knew.

***

You did tell your sister about it and, whilst you were surprised by the feelings you had so suddenly developed for your long-time friend, she wasn’t surprised at all.

She saw it coming as soon as she found out that you were sleeping with each other and she believed that you always had some sort of feelings for him.

In the same vein, she was sure that he felt the same about you and was probably reluctant to tell you and, with that in mind, you continued on as usual and acted as if nothing had happened.

You weren’t willing to give up your friendship and the amazing sex you have for maybes and thought that, if your sister was right, he would come around eventually, at least so you hoped.

***

Then, another week had passed and nothing had changed. At least so you thought.

Cillian asked you whether you wanted to travel to Cork with him to see his parents now that Ireland, once again, came out of lockdown and visits to family were permitted provided that you had a permit.

‘I don’t think I can Cillian. Only spouses’ you said, pointing to the pamphlet he had printed out from the Irish Covid Information website.

‘Well, we are living together, you can pretend to be my girlfriend if the police pulls us over’ he chuckled, before pleading with you.

‘You just want me to drive, don’t you’ you then said and he nodded. He hated driving long distances and it didn’t help that he had only gotten his drivers licence five years ago and failed his driving test three times when he moved back to Dublin.

‘I suppose it’s safer if I drive…so yes, I am coming’ you said somewhat amused.

‘Should I ask Ma to prepare two or one room for us?’ Cillian then asked and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

‘Your mother is strictly catholic and I suppose that the answer to your question depends on what you are willing to reveal to her about our little arrangement’ you joked and, of course, Cillian hadn’t even thought that far.

‘Two bedrooms’ he then confirmed before picking up the phone to let his mother know that you would be coming with him.

***

Three days later, you hit the road for the three-and-a-half-hour drive to Cork after you both had received a negative COVID test result which you took as a precaution.

As usual, Cillian’s mother was excited about the visit and you were excited too. You hadn’t seen her for about 18 months and the last time you saw her she had cooked you and your fiancé a lovely a meal.

Things were different then and you talked about your wedding and all the plans you were having in the future.

There was no pandemic to worry about and you weren’t aware of your fiancé’s indiscretions at the time while Cillian was still happily dating your somewhat crazy friend.

Now, your engagement had ended but your friendship with Cillian had evolved into something else entirely.

***

After a smooth three-and-a-half-hour drive, you pulled up in front of Cillian’s parents’ house.

They both greeted you with excitement and told you to come in quickly as it was raining.

Cillian’s father quickly carried your small suitcase to one of the guestrooms while Cillian placed his into the other. There wasn’t much space in the house and, whilst the house had four bedrooms, the corridors were rather narrow and the living area was small.

‘It’s so good to see you Y/N’ Cillian’s mum said before offering you a cup of tea which you gladly accepted.

‘The last time you visited Cork was under better circumstances, but I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless’ she then said and you thanked her for her hospitality.

You had always gotten along well with Cillian’s mother and Cillian was simply happy to see his parents again after such a long time, even if it meant that his siblings couldn’t visit them at the same time as him due to the visitation limits imposed.

As you were sitting on the sofa with Cillian’s mother you soon noticed that Cillian was gone and so did his mother.

‘He better not be stealing food’ she then huffed out sternly and, sure enough, Cillian had found the freshly baked scones in the kitchen and couldn’t resist.

‘But they are so good Ma’ you heard him argue as his mum told him to get out of the kitchen and leave the scones alone, which made you laugh.

‘He will never change’ you chuckled and his mother nodded in agreement.

‘No, he won’t’ she then said before informing you that she had made a roast for dinner.

***

After dinner and a few glasses of wine with Cillian’s parents, they headed to bed at around 8.30pm as usual, leaving you and Cillian to watch TV in the living room.

You were quick to spread your legs out over Cillian’s laps, getting yourself more comfortable but being vary that his parents might walk in on you.

But, Cillian seemed to think that, once they went to bed, they would pretty much go to sleep right away and proceeded to pull you onto his lap.

‘I missed this today’ he said before he caressed your face and kissed you gently.

‘Me too’ you then giggled before returning the kiss rather quickly.

‘Do you want to go to my bedroom or yours?’ he then winked and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

‘Your parents are in the house Cillian’ you then said and, just as you did, you heard some footsteps in the hallway behind you.

You quickly jumped off Cillian’s lap and sat on the lounge like a well-behaved schoolgirl as his mother walked by to get a glass of water while Cillian covered up his erection, poking against the denim of his jeans, with a cushion.

‘Night Ma’ he then said and she couldn’t help but laugh before saying ‘good night’ again.

‘I am not going to have sex at your parents house’ you then huffed out quietly when his mother had left.

‘Alright, let’s go for drive then’ he suggested.

‘A drive? And how will you explain this to your mother tomorrow?’ you laughed and Cillian suggested to tell her that you forgot some toiletries and he drove to the shop to get them.

‘Supermarket closes in 30 minutes, let’s go’ he said and you couldn’t really say no to him.

***

Ten minutes later you arrived at a secluded area near the beach and you could just tell that Cillian had been there before.

‘Is this where you used to take your girlfriends when you were at high school and snatched your parents’ combi even though you didn’t have a driver’s licence?’ you asked, having heard about these stories from his brother before.

‘Yeah, it’s a good spot, nice and quiet’ Cillian winked as he reclined his seat and you quickly stripped down to your bra and panties.

‘Oh my god Cillian I feel like an 18-year-old again, sneaking out of the house to make out’ you laughed and, just before you could protest, Cillian reached inside your panties and slowly stroked your mound.

‘Just that, this time, it will actually be worth your while’ Cillian smirked as he ran his forefinger between the crease of your pussy and noticed the moistness which had already built there.

‘Hmm yes, it will be Cillian’ you moaned as he was rubbing your clit with his left hand and with his right hand was caressing your breasts.

You were quick to release his hard cock from his jeans as well and began jerking him in time with his clitoral stimulation and the heat inside the car was palpable.

‘So naughty…what if we get caught?’ you huffed out, knowing that Cillian had a kink for semi-public sex.

‘It’s worth the risk’ he groaned and, before long, you were gazing up from the seat with that wanton look in your eyes, pulling Cillian closer and uttering cues while he fingered your pussy and mouthed your firm nipples with his welcoming mouth.

‘I need you inside me Cillian’ you moaned as you were welcoming two fingers into your waiting slit and could not be distracted, even by the crackling sounds outside and the sound of the radio.

‘Come on then’ Cillian groaned as you continued to stroke him and, just as he invited you to take what you needed so badly, you let go off his cock and climbed on top of him.

He pressed the head of his cock against your awaiting pussy and you slowly sank down on him.

‘Oh god yes fuck’ you moaned as his cock disappeared into your tight vagina, expanding your love tunnel while he met your lips with his. Your mouths parted and your tongues communicated the instant of union as Cillian’s cock drove slowly into your warm pussy. You were lost in their unity while your reality transformed around them.

‘You feel so fucking good’ Cillian groaned as you were moving in perfect motion with Cillian’s penetration and your thighs were even perforated with the moisture that was coming out of your pussy.

Your rocking continued and you were now joining orally with diatribes as Cillian’s cock bottomed out again and again inside you. ‘Fuck’ you uttered as his big balls pressed against your bottom.

Your warm tunnel was wide for his cock and your eyes were fixed on the mechanistic ramming of Cillian’s body in its hedonistic role.

‘I am cumming…fuck’ you moaned with the ever fastening in and out rhythms that Cillian was delivering to your womanhood. Cillian too was groaning and you put a hand underneath his balls while he pounded you and the car shook.

With your screams and loss of control inside erotic orgasm, Cillian too lost control and filled your cavity with his warm seed.

‘Fuck, Y/N, I love…’ Cillian began to say but, just as he did, there was a nock on the window of the car on the driver’s side next to Cillian, interrupting what he was about to say.

‘Please lower your window…’ a man said from outside and you could see some flashing lights behind where the car was parked.

 Tag List:

@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-your-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney@missymurphy1985@peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @chocolatehalo @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15 @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r @tellingyouastory @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @namelesslosers​ @littlewhiterose​ @ttzamara​ @ttzamara @cilleveryone ​

@peaky-cillian @queenyshelby ​

@severewobblerlightdragon​ @ysmmsy​ @midnightmystic

[buckyownsmylife]

Somewhere only we know - Steve Rogers/Reader/Bucky Barnes smut

The one where your married best friends ask you for an anniversary gift: for you to sleep with them.

Warnings: poliamory, squirting, p in v, p in a, threesome, anal fingering, oral (f, m, performed by m and f), dirty talk, curse words.

A/N: Prompts for today were Double penetration + squirting. I really, really loved creating this universe where Bucky and Steve were married and I loved this reader, so I think I might be adding more fics about their relationship in the future.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

I could see that she was nervous. Even if I wasn’t one of her bestfriends (or a trained killing machine), it was pretty obvious by the way she was biting on her lower lip and avoiding both mine and Steve’s eyes.

She’d never been timid around us before. In fact, I couldn’t even remember a single time I’d seen this spitfire of a woman silent, much less uncomfortable. She just had this way about her, this confidence about who she was and of her own worth that stopped anyone who might try to treat her like something simple. She really was anything but.

Which is why the way she was behaving, so out of character for both herself and our relationship, brought a heavy weight to my heart.

“Sweetheart,” I called out, approaching where she was sitting on mine and Steve’s bed before stroking her cheek softly, silently asking her to look me in the eyes again. “You know you can say no, right? We don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. You’re way more important to us than our attraction to you and this silly fantasy that we created.”

I watched as she blinked twice, and from the corner of my eye, I can see Steve approaching, suddenly catching onto the change of circumstances. Bless his heart, as much as he truly loved this girl, he really was an airhead when it came to women and their feelings, always needing Y/N to spell out what was going on in her life for him to understand that something was wrong. But what he suffered in distraction, he certainly compensated in his caring heart.

I knew better than anyone how my husband could be when he deeply loved someone, and I also knew just how deep both of our feelings ran for her.

“He’s right, Y/N.” The bed dipped as he sat on her other side, reaching for one of the hands on her lap to run his thumb over the back of it. “If you’re worried about finding us another anniversary gift, you can always relent and give me your brownie recipe.”

She snorted, and just that silly sound had the tension on my shoulders suddenly disappearing, a silly smile opening up as I realized that I just might have read her wrong in the midst of my own nervousness over what we were about to do.

“I don’t know what’s more stupid, the fact that you both think I don’t want this or that you actually believe I’d ever give you my family recipe, Stevie.” The words were said in her usual non-bullshit tone and just like that, we were all back to being bestfriends and not a couple about to fuck their closest friend. We laughed, and Steve and I took the opportunity to graze our eyes over her body, tonight clad in a little summer dress that really had no reason to be as tempting as it looked, but the truth was that anything she wore enticed me. 

God, how I wanted her.

She drew in a sharp breath before finally spilling out, “I'm just nervous, that’s all. And maybe a little bit confused. Like, what is this? Something to spice up your decades old relationship? How did you even come to decide on doing this with me? Don’t you think it’s going to ruin our friendship? What about…?”

Steve and I exchanged one of our significant looks before he swiftly covered her mouth with his palm, effectively silencing her. “Calm down, doll. Deep breaths. Of course it won’t ruin our friendship.”

I stopped then, opting to let my husband take the lead of the conversation. Y/N’s eyes followed mine, although her head was somewhat restricted by the weight of Steve’s hand, and she raised an eyebrow in curiosity when he opened his mouth only to close it a few times.

“This isn’t just an… exotic experience to us,” he started, and I nodded in agreement. “We’ve actually been thinking about opening our relationship to embrace one other person for sometime now.”

Her eyes grew huge, the weight of our words clearly surprising her. It was silent in the room for a while when she didn’t immediately offer any response, until my stupid boy realized he still had his hand over her lips, obstructing her speech.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly smiled, making her roll her eyes but smile back at him with fondness. God, how I loved them. My heart pounded desperately against my chest, terrified of her reaction, fiercely hopeful to have her as mine too.

“For how long?” Was her question when she finally was free to speak, and I chuckled lowly, my eyes never straying from hers.

“Ever since we met.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

My breath hitched as I felt like my heart stopped beating for a few seconds, Bucky’s words barely processing in my swirling brain. I didn’t know what to say, which was never a good thing when it came to me, but how could one so simply deal with the fact that her married best friends who she had secretly longed for had been interested in her all this time? 

So all it came out of my mouth was, “You’re telling me we’ve all been crushing on each other for three fucking years and you only now got the courage to talk to me about it? And using sex as an excuse?” I scoffed, crossing my arms while fake pouting. “I expected more from the both of you, seriously.”

Their roars of laughter were just breathy enough for me to know that they had been nervously anticipating my reaction, which was understandable. For all the hard time I was giving them, I knew how… peculiar this entire situation was, and I couldn’t really say I’d behave any differently if I was in their shoes.

“Well, you know…” One of Steve’s fingers trailed down my jaw before turning my head to face him, and I fucking shivered at how the stupidly simple touch ignited fire in my veins. “It is a decades-long marriage. We couldn’t just very well open it to someone who we didn’t really know and love, just because we were attracted to her.”

“And believe me, sweetheart…” This time, it was Bucky’s voice talking by my ear and Bucky’s fingers tracing over my exposed collarbones, before he leaned down to place a sweet kiss between them. “We’ve been dreaming about fucking you senseless ever since we met.”

A beat as I let their words rush simmer the arousal built inside of me. “Well, don’t you fellas know just how to get a woman going?” Another pair of breathless chuckles, this time for a completely different reason, and I felt Steve squeeze the hand he still held in his.

“Can we kiss you, sweetheart?” He asked, and I found myself swooning - not for the first time - under the blue of his eyes, a soft smile on my lips before I licked them in preparation, quickly nodding.

“Yes,” I breathed out, my gaze falling down to his beautifully pink lips. “Please,” I urged, ignoring the cheshire cat grin that took over his entire face when he realized just how desperate I was for them.

Kissing Steve was everything I thought it would be, except reality felt nicer than even my most realistic dreams. His lips were soft against mine, slowly taking control of our movements before prying them open to accept his tongue.

He tasted like the wine we had shared and I was hooked already. But then a rough beard tickled my neck as Bucky nuzzled his face against it, and I turned around to grant him the same treatment, excited to know how he tasted too.

He was more eager, his hand quickly pulling me by my nape to meet his mouth as mine cradled his face. Instinctively, I knew that despite his rough ways, he liked to be touched softly, and that only became more obvious when I let my own hands fall to the back of his neck, scratching the skin there with care.

Steve’s P.O.V.

I watched with fascination as my husband fell apart in Y/N’s soft hands, my pants growing more uncomfortable each second. A strangled moan escaped Bucky’s lips and I knew he had his tongue inside her mouth now, exploring her sweet taste just like I’d been doing just minutes before.

By the way he easily pulled her to sit on his lap, it was clear that he enjoyed it, just like I did. She was straddling him now, and it didn’t take much longer on their makeout session for her to start unconsciously rubbing herself over his crotch.

My mouth watered at the thought of him being half as hard as I was. Automatically, my hand went over the bulge on my jeans, palming it, feeling it without any urge to take care of myself whatsoever. I knew there was a long night of exploration ahead of us and I wanted it to be the best any of us had ever had.

So I started by massaging Y/N’s scalp, a reminder for her to pull away and breathe, because I was desperate to have a taste of my husband. “Do you mind scooting over, darling? I want to show you something.”

She went without resistance, resuming her previous spot in our bed while I sank down to my knees in front of Bucky, who looked at me with lust-filled eyes and reddened lips that I briefly kissed before my hands made quick work of the fly on his jeans.

“Stand back and watch the show,” I whispered, winking at her when she gasped as Bucky’s cock became visible and I immediately went to work, my lips stretching to accommodate his thickness even after so many years on my knees for him. Even only half-hard, he was still impressive, and it only took a few bobs of my head for him to grow to his complete size.

“Fuck.” I let go of Bucky’s cock with a pop to look at Y/N, who had made herself comfortable by our headboard and now had her fingers under the skirt of her dress, her eyes going from my mouth to the member I still held in my close fist.

“Now, we didn’t say you could touch yourself, did we, pretty girl?” I smacked my lips as I crawled on top of the bed to kiss her before making my way back, Bucky and I exchanging a few loving glances as we undressed in front of her. Then, he beckoned her to the edge of the bed before signaling for her to raise her arms before taking off her dress, leaving her in just her panties.

My eyes were immediately attracted to her breasts, admiring the weight, the aureolas. I itched to suck on one of her nipples, maybe while Bucky did the same on the other, but for now, I knew he had other pressing needs, so I just knelt once more, taking her underwear with me until she was completely bare in front of us.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I saw Bucky exchange another silent conversation with Steve before his husband nodded, climbing on the other side of the bed while the brunette man came to stand by the foot of it. “Lay down,” he ordered, already wrapping a hand around my ankle and tugging, forcing me to do as he said. “Spread those legs.”

Man, I liked this dominant Bucky.

He noticed my staring, suddenly realizing the reason for my fascination, but instead of apologizing, he just smirked. “I’ve been dying to taste that pussy,” was his admission, and suddenly there was no more air in my lungs. Steve’s chuckle right by my ear made me realize that they both could see right through me, and so I surrendered, opening my legs and exposing just how wet this situation had made me. 

“How long has it been since you’ve eaten pussy?” I blurted out, honestly curious and so fucking horny I couldn’t even find it in myself to be embarrassed. I was expecting a few laughs, but to my surprise, the response I got was a very serious, “For how much I enjoyed it, too fucking long. Come here.”

Once again, he didn’t give me a chance to obey him, instead pulling me even further down so his face was just inches away from my glistening cunt, and the feeling of his hot breath over it had me panting in anticipation.

But of course, I should have known that Bucky Barnes would be a fucking tease. 

“You smell so sweet,” he murmured against the soft skin on the inside of my thighs, where he kissed and licked and sucked while Steve deposited sweet, wet kisses over my chest before finally wrapping his beautiful lips on one of my nipples.

“Ste-Steve…” I moaned, buring my fingers on his locks so I could pull them while chasing away his teeth when he released one of my breasts in search of the other. “Fuck, then why are you teasing me so much?” I asked Bucky, trying to get him to come closer to where I was dripping for him, but he only looked up at me with those mischievous fucking eyes.

“It’s called building anticipation, darling.” 

I honestly didn’t care for it.

“If you touch me right fucking now, I’ll let you do anything to me. Both of you.” That caught their attention. I watched Bucky lift his head to meet his husband’s gaze, another silent conversation between them before his eyes returned to me.

“Anything?” he confirmed, and my body shuddered in expectation.

“Anything.” He didn’t hesitate any longer after that, immediately diving in to taste my pussy with a hunger I had never witnessed in any of my past lovers. Or even in porn, actually. He moaned at the first taste of my wetness, and my thighs already trembled from the reverberations of that simple sound.

“So sweet,” he whispered, and then he was lapping me eagerly, and my moans were echoing around their bedroom before Steve pulled me to kiss him again. He liked to make out, I realized, starting to file my little discoveries for future reference.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

Fuck. I’d always liked to eat a girl out, I could remember that, but I swear, no one had ever tasted as good as the beauty I had sprawled out in front of me. Dipping my tongue in her hole one more, I hummed before lifting it to play with her little nub before repeating the process, making sure to nudge her clit with my nose when I was fucking her with my tongue.

A symphony of moans reached my ears, male and female intertwined, prompting me to open my eyes and trail them up Y/N’s body to find her and Steve kissing deeply. The sight made my heart grow twice its size, and I smiled against her cunt as I watched them make out while Steve slowly teased his own cock.

Of course, Y/N wouldn’t have it. Oh, no. The second she realized where his hand was, she wrapped hers over it, assuming the control over his movements until he allowed her to do as she pleased, letting his hand fall back on the bed.

“Actually, you know what?” She suddenly asked, sitting up before waving me off of her. I was about to complain, not ready to separate myself from her taste just yet, but that was until she flipped around and crawled between my husband’s legs, wrapping her hand on his boner before taking it into her mouth.

I was so completely taken away by how hot the whole image was - her on all fours, Steve with his head thrown back as the slurping sounds of her sloppy blowjob surrounded us - that I almost missed the fact that she was shaking her fantastic ass at me, presenting her pussy for me to feast upon again.

Guess I was doing something right, then. I buried my face in her cunt again, licking her from behind and rejoicing in this opportunity that I dreamed about for so long. I couldn’t even remember how many times both Steve and I had made each other cum just talking about what we would do if we ever got the chance to have her in bed with us, and now here we all were. Together.

Trailing my fingers up her thighs, I finally pushed two of them inside, swirling them around in an effort to find her sweet spot. I didn’t manage to locate it that easily, but I figured, we had time. For now, I had other plans in mind.

I collected some of her wetness with two of my fingers before raising them to circle her puckered hole, and she moaned in response to the new touch. Good. I wanted her to desire this as much as we did.

I slowly pushed a single finger in her ass, relishing in the way she thrust back against it, crying out around Steve’s cock. “That’s a good girl, taking my finger so easily inside this pretty little ass.” I had to slap one of her cheeks, I itched to see it bounce. She continued to move against my finger, so I figured it was safe to do the same.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The second I felt Bucky’s finger inside my ass, I knew what the last silent conversation between him and the man whose cock was currently between my lips was about. And I couldn’t wait for it.

“Bucky, please…” I released Steve’s beautiful cock momentarily, too overcome with desire to be able to suck on it properly. “Please, give me another.” Abruptly, his lips left mine, and I looked over my shoulder to find him staring at me with wide eyes.“Oh, fuck, I wanna hear you moan my name again.”

“Put another finger in my ass and I will.” He didn’t wait another minute before doing just so, and I fucking cried out at the feeling of being stretched open, already yearning for the feeling of one of their cocks replacing Bucky’s fingers.

“Fuck, Y/N, I had no idea you were so into this. I love the way you look with my fingers deep inside your ass.” Fucking hell, Bucky’s mouth was just sinful. And he got his wish, because as I fucked myself back into his fingers, all I could say were versions of his name, under Steve’s watchful gaze. His cock throbbed in his fist, and that’s when I took it upon myself to stop Bucky’s actions.

“Okay, okay. Fuck, I need you inside of me right now. Both of you.” Steve reached out to pull me over his lap, so I was straddling him, and I took the opportunity to once again substitute his hand with mine, lightly jerking him off as I heard Bucky look around for some lube.

“Are you sure you can take us?” I cocked an eyebrow at the blond man underneath me, a true work of art. I wanted to play it off as irritated, but I could only find giddiness inside of me over everything that was happening, so I leaned down and captured his lips with mine, releasing his cock to rub myself against it.

“Just get inside of me, will ya?” I rubbed the mushroom head against my clit before slowly sinking down on him, biting my lip at the beautiful moan Steve released upon feeling my walls clamping on him. And then I braced myself for Bucky’s cock.

Ironically enough, as I gasped from the feeling of being so amazingly filled, they both hissed, four hands pressing down on me in a clear sign that they were already dangerously close to coming. I inhaled sharply, taking sick pleasure on the burn of being so stretched out as I waited for them to start moving. And when they did, I simply let myself go, allowing them to use my body as they thought best.

“Fuck, darling, do you know how fucking great it fells to be inside of you?” Steve asked, his hands cradling my face to pull me into another breathtaking kiss. “You’ve been teasing us like hell all those years, we were going crazy.”

Steve’s P.O.V.

“He’s right, baby girl.” Bucky couldn’t take his eyes away from mine as he continued, “Do you know how many times I fucked Steve in this very bed, pretending you were here too?” The sounds that were escaping her were better than any music, and it was getting harder and harder to focus on not bursting inside of her tight, wet pussy.

Both Bucky and I had been wanting her for so long, the need to worship every inch of her body was strong inside of us, but hopefully, we’d have other opportunities to take our time. For now, I knew we needed her to cum, and soon.

I pressed her clit as Bucky’s hands went to graze her nipples before harshly pulling on them, and she sobbed as her hands covered ours. “Please don’t stop, please.” Fuck. Hearing her beg was torture, but the sweetest one possible.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Cum around our cocks like a good girl. Don’t you want to be our good girl?” The fact that those words were the ones who did it for her brought us excitement like nothing else. So much so that when she finally relaxed, falling against my chest, it only took a little incentive for us to meet our highs, too.

“Do you like that, doll? Do you like the idea of being ours? Our sweet, pretty girl?” Bucky was brushing her hair away from her face so we could get a better look of her, but all we got was another sob as she trembled in my arms. 

“Please be ours, sweetheart,” I urged, holding her face so she’d look me in the eyes. “Say you’ll be ours.”

“Fuck, yes, I’m yours, I’m yours.” As both of our cocks twitched inside of her, an explosion of wetness started to drip on the duvet underneath our bodies, all the while Y/N’s body kept trembling.

“Did you just… squirt?” My husband’s face was priceless, and I didn’t need to look down to know that his cock still hadn’t softened, despite the strengths of our orgasms.

“There’s a lot you still don’t know about me,” she yawned, adjusting her head on my chest, my cock still throbbing inside of her warm heaven. “Classes start in twenty minutes. The professor just needs a quick nap for now.”

➡ click here to read about the progression of their relationship

[donald4spiderman]

The City

masterlist

-

Summary: Reader is thinking about moving to California. Spencer’s determined to get her to stay.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Category: Fluff (angst if you squint)

**Inspired by Ben’s poetic confession in Parks and Recreations, S3E14**

Here’s a draft i forgot to post

-

**not edited yet**

Spencer’s POV

As a profiler, I’ve mastered the observation and analysis of behavior— we all have.

Picking the minds of serial killers is second nature— so why is it so hard for me to figure out why (Y/N) is behaving so strangely?

In the recent months, her witty and charming energy has dwindled into a lethargic imitation. Whether she’d admit it or not— (Y/N) can be extremely enthusiastic about certain things— especially our job.

So, when I watch her drag her feet, inch by inch, into the BAU each morning, It’s hard to contain my concern.

I know Morgan has noticed, and I’m sure everyone else has too. They’re probably just too scared to say anything. (Y/N) doesn’t enjoy people prying into her private life, so we all stay a comfortable distance away.

I watch her a lot... more than I’d like to admit. It’s hard to be unaware of her nervous behaviors— the nail biting, hair twisting, skin picking— I practically have enough data to make a correlation graph. I can tell when she’s upset, and it’s happening more than usual.

(Y/N) has always been kind to me. Even when I was at the peak of my stammering, slicked-back hair phase, she treated me with more respect than I deserved. I can only imagine how awkward I must’ve been (or, still am), and I thank her for not belittling me.

I guess I’m validating the Benjamin Franklin Effect when I say this— but I feel like I owe it to her to ask what’s wrong. Over the years I’ve built up (arguably) the closest friendship with her, so it only makes sense for me to bite the bullet for the team.

It’s partially due to the fact that I’ve developed a slight (if not major) crush over time, but who wouldn’t? A gorgeous, intelligent, quick-witted women is kryptonite for any person. Our conversations are always stimulating, she gives the best advice, and she’s always there to comfort a team member.

So, it pains me to see her struggle through a paperwork day. I wish she would reach out to anyone for help, but it’s not in her nature.

“H-Hi.” I smile as I approach her desk. Her tired eyes look up at me, and she smiles back.

“Hey, Reid. What’s up?

I rub the back of my neck nervously. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Morgan and Emily watching me struggle to form a sentence. They giggle as they watch.

“I-I was... um. D-do you want to get coffee with m-me? Not now! I mean— after work!” Morgan stumbles out of the bullpen, barely containing his laugh. I must sound pathetic.

(Y/N) nods hesitantly, “S-sure. I don’t know why you want to get coffee with me, but I’m free.”

“Really?” My surprise shocks her. “T-that’s gr-great! I can drive you!”

She chuckled, “I think I’d rather drive us. I’m pretty sure you can’t drive a mile without hitting a curb.”

I nod fervently. “Sounds good.”

As I make my way back to my desk, I send a glare in Emily’s direction as she continues to smirk at me.

-

(Y/N) grabs an empty table in the café, and we sit down, huddling close to our warm drinks. She orders a cinnamon latte, I order a black coffee with an unhealthy amount of sugar.

I place the drinks down. “Did you know that cinnamon is shown to reduce systolic blood pressure. It’s commonly used in South Asia and works by dilating blood vessel.”

She nods, “Surprisingly, I did know that. You’re gonna have to teach me something else, Doc.” I laugh in response, enjoying the relaxation that radiates off of her.

“I feel like we don’t get to, um, t-talk as much as I would like to.” My words get caught in my throat and she gives me a lopsided smile.

“Well, we don’t exactly have the most leisurely job.” She states, sipping her drink.

I bite my lip, she looks down. I convince myself that my mind is playing tricks on me, because there’s no way (Y/N) would glance down to watch me pull my bottom lip between my teeth.

“I know... but you used to talk more.”

“I’ve been busy lately. Tired too.” She mumbles.

I mean forward slightly, my voice is a hushed whisper. “A-are you... okay?” I’m anticipating an defensive response, but all she does is sigh.

“I’m alright. I just... I’m getting tired of being here— in D.C.”

My eyes widen and my brows knit together. “W-What! Why?”

(Y/N) shrugs, “I don’t know. I just expected to feel... really, really attached to D.C when I first moved here. I love my job, and I love you guys— but nothing’s keeping me here.”

My face drops. My disappointment is adamant because she scrambles to reassure me.

“It’s not that I don’t absolutely love working with you guys. You’re my best friend, Spencer. But... I came to D.C to... I don’t know... settle down.” It comes out as more of a question rather a statement. “It’s sounds weird, right? Me, settling down?” She laughs. “I-I don’t mean a husband and a family necessarily. I moved here because I wanted to belong somewhere.”

“You don’t feel like you belong?”

“I feel... I feel like everything I have right now is temporary. It’s not the feeling I expected to have. I just want to have something permanent in my life for once.”

I remain silent, lacking the proper response.

“Please don’t tell anyone!” She pleaded.

I smile solemnly, “I won’t. I promise.”

In that moment, I make another promise. Not just to (Y/N), but to myself. I’m going to show her how many things she has here for her in D.C.

I’m going to prove how much I believe she belongs.

-

I started by bringing her coffee each morning— a cinnamon latte from the same café we went to.

The first time she seemed pleasantly surprised. I sped through the doors of the bullpen, my coat and slacks absolutely soaked due to the rainy D.C weather. She giggled at the sight of my hair plastered to my forehead. I was certain that I looked like a wet dog.

“Morning!” I greeted, placing down both cups of coffee on her desk so I could fix my hair. “I-uh-I got you coffee. A cinnamon latte, of course.”

(Y/N) smiles brightly, “You’re the best. Thanks, Reid. I definitely needed this.”

Hotch and Rossi are watching me curiously, pretending not to look up from their files. At this moment, I could care less.

“It’s n-nothing.” Suddenly I’m blushing furiously under the weight of her stare.

“Thanks, again.” She clears her throat, “Y-you’re a really good friend.”

She smiles. And I smile.

-

In the next three weeks, (Y/N) and I grow closer at a rate faster then ever. I try to do something small for her everyday. Finishing up a file for her; Bringing her coffee or water; Sitting next to her on the jet. It appears to be working— she looks much more relaxed and happy. Her sarcastic humor is back and she engages more with the team.

We’ve decided to hang out after today. I find myself enjoying every minute with her, even if all we do is talk, eat, and walk around aimlessly. I’m sure she’s tired of me, but my infatuation with her only grows.

Tonight, we’re sitting at the park, watching people on their late night jogs, dog walkers, babysitters. We finished eating Indian food at a local restaurant. Turns out we’re both regulars at the same place, it’s a shame we haven’t run into each other.

She’s sitting criss-cross on the bench, her elbow rested on top of her knee. “You know,” She starts, “D.C is pretty great. I don’t think I’ve felt this... content in a while.”

I smile, even if it’s too dark for her to see. “Th-thanks. D.C is a great place, despite averaging 39 inches of rain annually.”

She means her head back against the bench. “I still don’t know. I feel like I’m just waiting for something. I don’t even know what that something is... a sign maybe?”

“A sign?” I laugh.

“Y-yeah... a sign. I’d usually make a pros and cons list and research the differences between the two places but... this decision feels too personal to look at it as just statistics.”

In this very moment, I decide to toss all my concerns, questions, what if’s, into the wind. This is my final move; my last resort; my Hail Mary.

My hands are trembling, and it takes me seconds to force the words out of my throat.

“W-well, besides the higher cost of living and considerably gloomy weather, D.C can be a p-pretty great place to reside. It has a busy political culture and is one of the most diverse states in the country.” I pause for a little longer than necessary.

“But, besides statistics and facts, if w-we look past objectivity, to me: D.C is where my friends are, and my friends are my family. Um... I like The City because it’s home to so many great people. A-and I know it’s hard to see the good in things considering how much violence we see on a daily basis, but certain people make me believe that things aren’t all that bad.”

(Y/N)‘a listening attentively, making me even more nervous than I thought possible. “D.C— The City— is beautiful. It’s charming. It’s a warm, cinnamon latte on a rainy day, o-or a late night walk in the park. To me, it’s home.” I catch her smirking a little bit, and I can only hope that she understands what I’m trying to say.

“Plus, The City is really good at her job. The City’s an excellent profiler. But, the city’s an even better friend, and an even better person. It doesn’t hurt that The City has great hair, and gorgeous eyes, and a perfect smile. And, she does this cute thing where she twists the ends of her hair, even if I keep telling her to stop. The City’s beautiful and definitely out of my league. She probably wants nothing to with me now, but I don’t care. I really like The City. And, even if she doesn’t like me back, she should stay, because there are so many people that like and love The City. ‘Cause who wouldn’t.”

(Y/N) is full on grinning right now, and it’s hard to stay patient when so much is on the line.

“Wow.” She giggles. “You really like The City.”

I chuckled awkwardly, “Y-yeah. I really do.”

“I mean, if you think The City’s so great, maybe I should stay. Plus, I’m sure The City likes you too.”

I feign confusion, “Really? I don’t know... The City can be kind of closed off sometimes.”

“Trust me— The City definitely likes you back. And I don’t think The City appreciates you saying that about her”

“Oh really?” I gasp. “Let’s ask her.”

I turn my head around, then proceed to look back at (Y/N) in the most dramatic fashion.

“Hey.” I laugh.

“Oh, Hi Dr. Reid!” She feigns surprise to match my frivolousness.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, b-but I really like you. And, a little birdy told me that you like me back.”

She laughs heartily, “Well, that little birdy is a pretty reliable source.”

Soon, her head is resting on my shoulder. My body’s stiff and the air is caught in my lungs, but I feel more content than I have in years. Somehow the weather is warmer, and the sun is brighter, and things just seem... better.

“This is a great city.” She mumbles, peering up at me in the most adorable fashion.

“Yeah,” I smile, “It really is.”

-

“Pawnee’s a really special town, I love living there. And, I look forward to the moments in my day where I get to hang out with the town, and talk to the town about stuff. The town has really nice blonde hair too. And, it’s read a shocking number of political biographies for a town, which I like.” - Ben Wyatt

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[hanascrisis]

A REVIEW: Fake Slackers (Mu Gua Huang)

I. GENERAL OVERVIEW

LENGTH: 112 Chapters and 3 Extras

GENRE: (BL) Slice of Life, High School Romance

MAIN COUPLE:  He Zhao and Xie Yu

BRIEF SUMMARY: Xie Yu, a repressed genius playing dumb in school (2nd last place) and kicking ass otherwise, becomes desk mates with another famed rebel He Yu, who has grades that are dead last in ranking. The two navigate high school in an elaborate game of imposter, fooling their peers, their teachers, and each other, only to develop a romantic relationship through their solidarity. 

LINK: https://fake-slackers.carrd.co/

II. CATEGORICAL RANKING & BREAKDOWN

I read this novel fairly recently, after reading multiple with historical settings, including the famed Dumb Husky and his White Cat Shizun (2ha), so this was definitely a breath of fresh air. The novel itself reads like a slice of life story set in high school, with small snippets of life and no “proper plot with an end goal”. The only real development throughout the book is that of the relationship between He Zhao and Xie Yu, their ever evolving closeness with their classmates, and He Zhao/Xie Yu’s ongoing battle to keep their secret identity as geniuses from everyone around them. Because of this, the book is quite “nostalgic” and reminiscent of what its like living life in high school and falling in love over the accumulation of small gestures and connections. While I ended up laughing my ass off over some parts, overall, reading the book made me feel how listening to “Mystery of Love” Sufjan Stevens makes me feel, which is probably the best way to describe it. 

1. CHARACTERIZATION ~ Rated 10/10

I greatly adore the characterization of every character in the book, from the teachers, the ridiculous classmates, Xie Yu’s “found family” in Black Water Street, to the two main characters themselves. The characters in the book all have their own distinct personalities and motivations that might otherwise clash, but all the relationships in the book demonstrate how they can fit together rather harmoniously due to circumstance. By the end, the friend group He Zhao and Xie Yu created included people who usually would have no relation to each other, but their bond was built over the years they had spent “suffering” through thick and thin together within the four walls that was their classroom. You could really label their friendships as “unlikely” ones, but the author really displays how meaningful each of these interactions between the characters are, especially during times of adversity where one or more are struggling. Its really sweet and heartwarming to read. 

With the two main characters, both are characterized at the beginning to be “rebels” who behave badly, with low grades and picking fights every other day. They both garnered a reputation within the school as two rivals who rule their respected “half of the territory”, intimidating all students and frankly becoming inapproachable. But being in the same class together as deskmates, on the contrary to everyone’s preconceived notions, they get along extremely well. This leads the people around them to see both of them in a different light, and befriend them as two classmates who are subject to the exact same school related struggles. The dynamic between the two characters and the development in their relationship just feels so natural and smooth, with small gestures building up to a very straightforward, non-chalant confession, to then dating. Its quite nice and mellow, in comparison to a lot more grandiose and overdramatic confessions and love stories we see commonly in the romance genre. Its also quite refreshing to see two people who are both shameless in their affection, not easily flustered. Their relationship is sweet, in the way that warm water with lemon and honey is sweet; gentle and warm, but not tooth-rotting. 

2. WORLD BUILDING ~ Rated 9/10

Because it is a slice of life, there is not really the necessity for there to be intricate world building like in the case of any xianxia genre novel. However, in terms of the ability for the author to create a world in which has a bidirectional relationship of influence with the main characters, the author does this very well. The author is able to create a clear juxtaposition between Xie Yu’s previous life in the poorer Black Water district, and his life as the second son of a wealthy business man, and how his environment ultimately plays into his relationships, characterization, and some of the major decisions he makes such as hiding his true abilities. Because of this type of juxtaposition, the book is also able to touch on more heavy, “angsty” themes, such as classism and the portrayal of people divided between classes, as can be seen from the relationship between Xie Yu’s mom and the people from Black Water Street who were with her when her and Xie Yu were hiding from debt. While the themes prevalent tend to be more serious, the author maintains a balance and still adheres to the bright and warm “slice of life” style, making the book really easy to follow, and frankly quite relaxing to read. 

3. PLOT DEVELOPMENT ~ Rated 8/10

The direction the story takes is fairly obvious from the first few arcs of the book, which generally makes the plot development quite predictable, but this is NOT A BAD THING. While I knew what was going to happen anyway, the suspense and tension created prior to the “big reveal” was done so well I was basically screaming and laughing for those 6 or so chapters. It made me giggle, and also slam my fist into the table. I loved the interesting concept and how their two lives were able to intertwine by a shared secret common to both of them. The game of “cat and mouse” as they attempted to fool each other and everyone around them that they were indeed the two worst students personally gave me a death note-esque vibe, without the unnecessary drama and a more mundane goal. Hence, I found the plot EXTREMELY ENJOYABLE to say the least. The book was more comedic situationally, but it was definitely the type of book that makes your face hurt from smiling too much. 

III. FINAL THOUGHTS

RECOMMENDATION: I DEFINITELY recommended this book, especially to people who are looking for an enjoyable, sweet slice of life book with a high school romance. One of the “selling points” of this book, if you will is how the arrogant and flamboyant + aloof and distant combination of high school boys falling in love feels so natural, as if they are really just two people who get along really well as best friends, with the added depth of intimacy. It feels “normal”, like a partnership that is just deepened over time, and I love it very much. Reading this book both filled my heart and also left a gaping hole in it (out of jealously because me, when?). I do really recommend this book if you are looking for one with limited angst, filled with nostalgia and subtle, slow burn, high school love. 

[loveatfirstwriteblog]

A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist. 

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?” 

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc. 

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc. 

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in.  She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one. 

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is. 

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that. 

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry. 

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered. 

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired. 

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

 The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc. 

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it. 

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society. 

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels. 

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague. 

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired). 

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught. 

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc. 

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused. 

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails. 

[burnedbyshoto]

(i won’t say) i’m in love

― Bakugou’s feelings for you are true, but he can’t seem to utter those three words no matter how much he wishes to. ―

pt 2

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pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

warnings: fluff, angst, cursing, alcohol mention, bakugou katsuki is bad at feelings

word count: 6,625

a/n: this was supposed to come out yesterday but I sort of got lazy and didn’t want to edit. anyways, I hope you enjoy, stories like this one are always fun to write and if you’re the anon who requested that bakugou thing like... a week ago, this was inspired by you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

The first time that Bakugou really noticed you was during the final year at Yuuei. 

Three years of vigorous and intensive academic and heroic work at the esteemed high school had led him to this very moment. While Bakugou was not the intensive hothead he once was when he was sixteen, he was definitely still hotheaded at the prime age of eighteen. With the end of the school year approaching, heavily enforced by the fact that a crowd of third-year middle schoolers had just left campus with hopeful and tired expressions on their face, he was grumbling while making his way back to his classroom.

For the practical part of their final, they were paired off to handle some insane over the top final as always. If Bakugou knew any better, he would be paired off with someone lame like Mineta or some shit. How he missed the days the teachers thought him and that damn nerd couldn’t get along enough to pass tests together… they had been paired up so often that first year - on top of finally establishing proper respect and an unadmitted friendship - it had led them to become an unbeatable force.  

While Bakugou climbed the stairs after his loudly chattering classmates, he was sunk in his thoughts about who he would be with. Bakugou was versatile, and while he was often a pain to work with, he worked well with just about anyone. ‘Who hasn’t he worked with yet?’ he thought, his fingers fisted in his pockets while they gathered onto the floor where their classroom was located. 

“MINA AGAIN?!” was the first noise to break through the aimless chatter to hold truth and knowledge. 

Bakugou looked at Kaminari and Mina, who were both holding each other and crying. 

Every single final, they had been paired up together, each time facing off the principal to be utterly demolished. Bakugou snickered at the thought of them failing the practical final for the nth time again.

“Looks like I’m with Todoroki!” Kirishima pointed out, his hand waving at the half and half bastard who was also seeking him out. 

They had three weeks until final exams took place, and the fact that they were announcing the teams this early definitely sat the slightest bit uneasy with Bakugou. And with his attention back onto the role list, Bakugou found himself praying that Deku’s name was next to his. If there’s anyone left who wouldn’t hold him back, it would be him.

“Bakugou!” a voice yelled, and Bakugou looked away from the list to see you walking over with a wave of your hand. “We’re paired up!”

Just like that, Bakugou realized that during his three years here, he had never once been paired up with you, and his lips turned into a frown. Interesting.

“You’re not busy right now?” he didn’t even wait for you to confirm his thoughts, “Let’s go, the TDL should be free right now.” Bakugou practically commanded, uncaring that you were definitely not in clothes to be doing anything physically demanding. 

“I needa change! I’ll meet you there in ten minutes!” was your unaffected response and Bakugou’s eyes narrowed when Kirishima jabbed him in the ribs, his eyes telling him to play nice.

“Tch. Fine, just don’t take forever.”

By the time you had returned to the TDL, Bakugou was still warming up, his hoodie pulled up to help his cold ears while he stretched.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been paired up or teamed up before!” you called out while stretching your arms above your head. “You think they kept us apart for so long for that very reason?”

“Like hell I would know,” Bakugou grumbled, refusing to look at you while you finished up your warm-up routine, by the looks of it you had run from the dorm here; that was a good enough warm-up. “I don’t know what kind of crap they’re going to try and pull on us at this exam, but I want you to let you know that you better not fuck this up,” he stood up, his hands rotating in circles, relieving the built tension in his wrists while he stared at you for the first time. His calm gaze meeting your strong one. “I plan on walking out of here with a perfect score.”

A smile spread on your face while you nodded, “I plan on it, too.”

Pleased with your response, Bakugou’s lips quirked into a smirk, his stance lowering immediately, and he watched while you readied yourself. 

“Ready?”

“Come at me.”

~

Bakugou sat on the floor, his eyes wide with his shock and personal embarrassment. 

The practical final exam had been a fear-induced, villain crawling, pro hero gone bad filled nightmare. A test designed with the help of Support Course students and a teacher who generated physical and real items based on whatever she thought had caused a most horrendous scene for Bakugou and you. It was then that Bakugou realized why both of you had been paired up - your fears were one and the same.

Failure, rejection, not being enough. 

While both of you had been so good in the beginning, powering through every obstacle at alarming power and speed, there had been a hitch in the road right before the finish line. When a ‘villain’ took on the form of All Might and blamed him for this downfall that society knew. He had thought he was long past breaking over that, he believed that it was something he had healed over two years ago. This faux All Might carried himself just like the retired hero, changing between his big form and the small one, his words and accusations dropping like boulders on him with every broken whisper that passed his lips. Unlike you, Bakugou wasn’t able to fight this terror, wasn’t able to beat the thing that still tripped him up.

The loud ringing in his ear wouldn’t quit while he fell down, his breathing short and scattered. He couldn’t hear your screams while you were battling your own opponents while All Might drew closer to him.

His fault, this was all his fault.

But a bright light exploded across the room, and Bakugou eyes felt heavy while you threw him onto your back and took off. His last exam ever, and just like his first one, it finished with him being carried across the finish line, but where the first one still felt like a victory, this felt like a complete failure. 

“Bakugou!” you exclaimed, your hands finding his pale, clammy cheeks in your hands while the victory tune carried lightly in the background. “Bakugou, can you hear me?!”

Of course, he could hear you, he wanted to snap as his body instinctively wished to push off his insecurity with anger. But his tongue was too heavy in his mouth, his eyes merely focusing onto your terrified face. You had taken a blast in the face earlier, and the bruising swollen lip you had was an indicator of the failure you came across. 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay!” you reassured, your smile spreading wider, brighter on your face, your calloused fingers rubbing softly against his face. “You’re okay! It was fake, remember!”

“It wasn’t fake, though,” Bakugou heaved, his fingers trembling with his grief and suffocating anger while he shoved your hands from his face. “It wasn’t fake. I’m the reason fucking All Might is gone, why the world fell into chaos! You were there that day, weren’t you? The day I was taken from the fucking forest.”

Your eyes widened from the statement, but Bakugou couldn’t blame you for that. No one but Deku, Aizawa, and All Might knew about these feelings. Still, the emotions that sat heavily on his throat seemed to pierce themself further into his throat while you very obviously thought about the circumstances of that fateful night three years ago.

“How was it your fault you were taken?” you asked, your head tilted, arms folded across your chest. 

Bakugou’s eyes widened, not at all expecting you to care or even try to calm him down. There was no point for you to either; it wasn’t as if you two were close after all. 

“I was a fucking dick back then,” Bakugou grumbled, his head turning to the side his gaze refusing to look at you. No one had ever questioned his thoughts on this statement, everyone had always left it at that.

“You’re still a fucking dick,” you half teased half spoke truthfully, and your body sank to the floor, sitting before him with a tilted curious head. “A lot of people are dicks, but that doesn’t mean dicks are targeted by villains. I mean look at Endeavor, he was sort of a flaming dick back in the day, but he’s a hero.”

“But it’s different, I was barbaric to the point where they tied me up during the sports festival,” Bakugou reasoned, his gaze turning back to you, and was slightly shocked (not that he would show it) to see annoyance in your eyes.

“Yeah, and that was total bullshit of them to do!” you exclaimed, pushing a hand onto his grenade gauntlet. “There was no reason for them to do that for you, you didn’t think you won, and they should have just let you be. Giving you a medal like that was completely idiotic of them. Should you have behaved like that? No, you shouldn’t; it was childish and dumb of you, but they’re also the adults… they should have known better before strapping you up like a rabid dog in front of the world.”

“Wha-?”

“I get that we’re not… close friends Bakugou, but if you think that the League capturing you in an attempt to make you cross sides was your fault, which would lead to Kamino… I mean, it did lead to All Might losing his ability to use his quirk and all, but this has nothing to do with you,” you affirmed, your eyes deadly serious but with a type of kindness that Bakugou wasn’t used to. “You were trying to make a name for yourself in this competitive field, and you did! I mean… don’t let this inflate your ego anymore than it already is-”

“Hah?!”

“-But you’re someone to fear. You’re strong and capable, and from everyone who was shown in that sports festival, you were definitely the one to watch. But it was the adults who fucked up that day, they’re the ones who ultimately set the scene in painting you like a deranged loose canon - which you are at times, but you’re not evil. The League thought you were that way, and I’m sure there is no doubt in All Mights eyes about what he did for you. You were someone who needed to be saved, and All Might is the world’s number one hero for a reason: self-sacrifice. It could have been you, me, or even the grouchy pork bun lady down the street - he would have given it all to save. Don’t even get me started on the fact that Japan became too comfortable with All Might and held him to the status of a god and not a human that he is… so… yeah, I’m not good with this kind of stuff, but I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. You’re in the story as to why he lost his ability to use his quirk, but All Might’s will carries on in all of us, especially in you, so unless you give up, he’ll never truly be defeated.”

It was at this moment that Bakugou finally saw you.

The way that you had been exceedingly kind and ever so gentle with him. Your words rang heavily in his ears, and a heavyweight felt freed from his shoulders the more he digested your words. He wasn’t sure when your hand began to hold his, but while he looked down at his gloved hand, he let out a shaky breath at the sight of your hand in his. 

“You’re pretty amazing, Bakugou, please don’t forget that,” you smiled, nothing but sincere truth on your tongue, and finally standing up, you looked down at him. “Well, it’s time to see how we fared, yeah?”

But there was something different in the way that his hands sweated. He knew that his hands were always perspiring. There was a normalcy to the nitroglycerine sweat that his hands emitted without a single thought, but the tightness to his stomach and the way that the sweat poured nervously from his palms made him realize that no, this was different. But what exactly? His stomach flipped at the still and happy appearance on your face, and a shadow of realization flooded through him… oh no… he knew why, but he knew he shouldn’t believe it.

He couldn’t.

With a sigh, he pushed off the floor, standing beside you, a smirk daring to pull at his lips at the way that your eyes traveled up in your surprise to his height and closeness.

“Let’s go.”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Watch where you’re fucking running, dunce face!”

“I was watching!”

Bakugou’s head snapped over to your giggling face while you lay on your own towel a few paces away from him. Today was Mina’s birthday, and instead of going to a restaurant for a birthday celebration like any average person, she had decided she needed to tan. How someone who was pink could tan was beyond Bakugou, but while he had no intention of hanging out with his old classmates on his day off, Kirishima had asked him to go for him. That wasn’t enough, so when Kirishima had included that you were apart of the group that was going, Bakugou considered it for about ten minutes before finally agreeing - but he would never say it was because of you. 

So here he was practically babysitting a bunch of nineteen-year-olds while he lounged under the sun’s hot rays. He needed to get rid of the funky tan lines on his body.

“What are you laughing about?” Bakugou grunted, his eyes narrowing at your figure, which was relaxed against the soft towel you were using as a blanket of sorts. “I’ll kill you.”

“I’m sure you could,” was your smooth response, your head adjusting on your arms to look at him easier. “I just think you should rub your sunscreen in better, Sero did a horrible job at applying it on your back. Unless, of course, you want a penis tanned on you.”

“Why the hell would I want a fucking penis on my back?!” Bakugou growled, his hand grabbing his SPF 100 sunscreen and slapping a handful onto his back. 

He heard you push off the sand ground and felt you stop behind him, and Bakugou froze when your warm fingers pressed against your back. “You’re a bit helpless at this sort of stuff. I figured you’d be the type to carry around a stick of sorts so you could apply it to yourself with no issue.”

“I don’t come to sunbathe ever,” Bakugou countered, his ears lightly burning at the feeling of your hands rubbing the sunscreen against his paler back. “I’m typically covered from head to toe.”

“Oh, I am more than aware of that,” you sagely nodded, pulling away when you were done to fall back onto your towel with a grin when he finally turned to look at you. “Still, you’re a big enough nerd to do it.”

Bakugou’s jaw dropped at the accusation, his eyes narrowing and his defenses on high alert, “The hell?! I’m not some damn nerd!”

“You graduated third in the class, unlike the cool kids who graduate ninth in the class,” you teased, your class ranking lower than his but still nothing to be ashamed about with who was in their class.

“That doesn’t make me a nerd, just makes me smarter than you damn idiots!”

“You’re the only person who flosses every day, always eats healthy foods, probably rivals Midoriya in hero trivia, listens to everything authorities say, never broke a rule or got detention, and sleeps at eight p.m.”

“How is any of that nerd shit? Just sounds like I’ll live longer and be better! Besides, how you know all that shit, you sound like some creepy stalker.”

A glint of amusement sparked in your eyes before you slipped on sunglasses, leaning down onto your towel with a proud grin on your face. “I have a strange fascination with nerds, sorry to disappoint you.”

Blinking in disbelief, Bakugou shook his head, settling back onto his own towel with a snort, “You’re a bigger asshole then I thought you were.”

“I hide it very well behind this pretty smile,” you flash a disgustingly pretty smile his way, and Bakugou rolls his eyes again.

“So… uh, how have things been for you at your agency?”

Bakugou would then find himself having a rather informative conversation with you. The both of you trading stories of how it was to work as a legit hero now, to no longer have to think of UA’s reputation or the fear that taking action in stressful situations would cause their learning licenses to be removed. He was also quick to discover that he really enjoyed talking with you, his often limited conversation energy never feeling drained as he continued talking.

Stories were shared, snarky comments exchanged, which left both him and you in laughter until the party of two became more.

He could barely keep a hold on his fake annoyment when both of you were being hauled into the cold ocean water, your loud shrieks as Mina tackled you into a crashing wave, making him grin as he quickly tore off Kaminari and Sero from his arms. That is until you reappeared from under the water to take him entirely off guard and tackle both of you into the water, your screams loud in his ear.

When he emerged from the salty water looking akin to a wet dog, everyone froze up in their poorly concealed concern and fear: this was war.

It had been a fun day at the beach, even if Bakugou had a hard time admitting to it, but as the sun set, the hot summer day fading into a warm summer night, and they all sat around a bonfire Bakugou felt as if the sun was still beating down on his tan skin. There was no reason for the explosive warmth invading his skin except that you were huddled at his side, your attention on the others. At the same time, you playfully fought with them, your eyes occasionally falling on him in hopes of a verbal back up. 

He agreed with you every time, growing more and more pleased with the fact that your eyes glimmered with great joy and how the others booed and disagreed until finally, they had to go.

“I miss hanging out with you,” you admitted when you all piled into the car, exhaustion sitting heavy on all of you after a good but long day.

Bakugou’s heart skips a beat, and he licks his lips, nodding slowly, not wanting to let you see how he was coloring in his embarrassing agreement.

“Yeah, whatever,” he looked at your still smiling form, letting him know you didn’t buy his statement even for a second. “...I do, too.” And the smile that consumed your face nearly killed every willpower he still had left.

It was then that Bakugou had to admit that he never thought he would have to consider.

He liked you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Bakugou is that you?!”

Bakugou had been going home. Dressed up in a formal suit, he thought he would be unrecognizable and left alone with his head hanging low and earbuds in, but he guessed no matter what, the laws of having earbuds in went ignored.

Today had been hard. Today had been the day of the funeral to one of his colleagues who had perished in a black market raid he and the agency he worked at had embarked on. It had been a perfect raid, something that hailed his name in the spotlight for quite some time, but it was for naught because a friend of his had died. Those who had been close to his fallen friend were forced to take the rest of the day off and get okayed by the agency’s psychiatrist before resuming duty. It wasn’t something Bakugou wanted to follow; after all, crime didn’t take a day off, but he had no choice (he had been threatened with more days off, and stupid Deku had pulled him away before a real scene could emerge).

But he felt weird in this get up, the suit just felt strange on his body, too nice, too formal for the lifestyle he held. Why it was inappropriate to show up to a funeral in your hero attire was beyond him. As it was midday, Bakugou had hoped that he wouldn’t have to see anyone on the train back to his province, but to his dismay, even with the classical music blasting in his ears, he heard someone yelling. 

He turned his head slightly and paused when he saw you running towards him with a bunch of paper in your arms, your face sweaty from what he assumed was exhaustion.

“You’re looking handsome!” you chirped, sighing heavily when you stumbled to his side, your cheeks pinched into a genuine smile. “Why you all dressed up for?”

“A funeral,” was Bakugou’s dry response, and your smile quickly fell off your face, a flustered and mortified look replaced the smile, and if it had been any other situation, Bakugou would have barked in laughter.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry!” you awkwardly state, your condolences heavy on your face and quickly emitting from your tongue while you bowed in your embarrassment. “I didn’t remember that Slingshots’ funeral was today.”

Bakugou’s jaw tightened at the name, his head nodding with a stiff shoulder, “Not a big deal, he’s been gone for a few days now.”

Your eyebrows knit together, your eyes looking at him concernedly before you shook your head, “Doesn’t really matter, it’s still the death of a friend of yours.”

Bakugou shrugged again, his hands moving out to grab half the stack of papers in your hands and holding them for you. He always remembered his dumb nerd friends telling him that it was a kind act to do for people you liked, Kirishima always raved about how it worked for him at least.

“Well, um… Kirishima told me that you moved into the building across from mine! How crazy is that?!” Bakugou knew immediately that you were changing the subject for him, something he truly and deeply appreciated because he was not ready to talk about his feelings about Slingshot - well, at least not in public. Damn paparazzi always seemed to catch his most embarrassing moments.

“Kirishima’s telling you that shit about me?”

“Oh yeah, Kirishima loves to gossip all about your life,” you state matter of factly, your head tilting with a wink. “I know all your dirty little secrets Bakugou Katsuki! We have a class group chat where Kirishima and Midoriya spill all their knowledge on you.”

Bakugou wasn’t precisely sure how false that statement was; all things considered, he knew those damn idiots would do something like that should the old class actually want information on him. Sighing, he nodded towards the train that pulled up to the station, and the two of you climbed on, taking the first two available seats together.

“What’s my biggest secret, then?” Bakugou decided to play along, his head resting on the train window, his eyes falling onto your softly smiling form with shielded amusement.

A shit-eating grin grew magnificently against your face, and Bakugou almost regretted asking because you leaned in close, your lips whispering to his ear despite the empty train cart, and uttered something that sent horrified dread through his veins. 

“You’re one of three owners of the super exclusive and rare All Might Bronze Age trading card.”

“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW THAT?!”

“OH MY GOD, IT’S TRUE!!!”

Embarrassment blazed on Bakugous face while you continued to laugh, your hands holding your papers flat against your body while you shrieked for air. He rolled his eyes despite it all and just stared at your snorting form since you failed to recompose yourself at what was your lying attempt to disillusion him and worked. 

It had been seven months since Mina’s birthday, and since that fateful day, his feelings for you had only grown more extensive and more real. He could never admit it to anyone, but he texted you nearly every day - the days where there was no communication would often come from your end of the conversation or because one of you had an extremely exhaustive day at work. 

He watched how the soft winter sun shone through the clouds, piercing through the window to brighten the color of your eyes, making them look even warmer and more delicate in his opinion. How he was never interested in you during high school was beyond him. You were - on a personality level - identical to when you were in high school, he had confirmed that suspicion of his with Mina, who had been appalled on your behalf that he hadn’t noticed you before. It was times like now that he regretted it, he wondered if he would have felt the same way as he did right now back then. 

He hadn’t exactly changed much at all either, so he figured he would have liked you back then too.

You were witty, sweet, kind, but no pushover. You had helped to ease his worries and anxieties in a single night, where professionals failed to do so in years. It made no sense to him why it was this way, but as you asked to listen along to the music he played, he slipped off one earbud and handed it to you with sweaty fingers. 

You graciously accepted it with a broad and exciting grin while placing it into your ear, your amused groan making his heart flutter with warmth while you complained about his old folk music selection.

“I still don’t peg you as a Beethoven guy!” you exclaimed, your head swaying in time with Symphony No. 9. “I thought you were a Led Zepplin sorta man.”

“That shits bad for your brain, you have to keep your entire body healthy or you might as well die off like some shitty extra.”

“You really think you’re some main character in this world, don’t you?” you ask, your smile teasing and your eyes so warm and smooth Bakugou felt his heart stop with just your stare. He licked his lips, his mouth feeling dry, and his hands that usually never stopped sweating felt dry when he placed them on his lap. 

“I’m the main fucking character,” he corrected with a smug smirk. “Don’t you dare fucking forget it.”

He would never say it, but his favorite sound and sight in the world became this moment right now, the hardworking city fading in the background and even his music fading into nothing while your hands pressed to your mouth, and a charming giggle escaped your mouth. 

“I won’t.”

He won’t admit it, but when you hugged him later that day as a means of goodbye, it took every ounce of self-restraint to keep himself from tilting you backward and kissing the lights out of you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Bakugou was in trouble.

It wasn’t anything that warranted immediate concern or any type of life-ending trouble (although his heart was hammering so fast he thought it could be life-ending), but he was in trouble. 

His hands were clenched together, and his head was down while he listened to Jirou and Mina screaming some sort of punk-pop duet that was in English together. It had been over a year since the train incident, a year for Bakugou to shift through his feelings for you and what they meant and if they were meant to be pursued. It was weird for him to have waited this long to begin with. He was a man of acting quickly and thinking later, a fatal flaw of his if he would, but you were so different to him - a situation where he couldn’t behave like some hot head or else he would regret it.

Today was Kirishima’s twentieth birthday, and he had wanted a simple stay in party with everyone, a shit ton of alcohol, and a karaoke machine. It was to no surprise that it was a party that the entire class 1-A ended up showing up, each and every one of them ready to have fun with the drinks and karaoke machine. But as he watched you up there doing the stupidest poses (alongside seven others) known to mankind while singing some diva song, something hit him.

His once amused smile melted off instantly when you smiled widely, your head tilting backward into a peal of laughter when Aoyama knocked you straight into Hagakure and Mina. 

He was in love with you.

He was in fucking love with you.

That was a problem! That was not okay!

He had gotten up from the crowded bedroom (something you had insisted they perform in to really push that karaoke room feeling). He walked into the living room, a harsh comment about how he needed some fresh fucking air being thrown behind him while he slammed the door shut. No one questioned him, and the party continued. 

A part of him was relieved that neither Kirishima nor Deku followed after him, he didn’t really wish to be a damper to the party even though he sure he was one right now. But what he didn’t expect was for your body to slip out of the bedroom door, beads of sweat rolling down your face while you met his gaze.

You smiled broadly, walking over with a wave before flopping onto the couch.

“It was too hot in there, I was sweating like a goddamn pig,” you exasperate, your hands fanning your face for added coolness. 

How Bakugou wished he was that half and half bastard so he could help you cool down.

“I think you’re sweating more than a fucking pig,” Bakugou pipped in, giving his unneeded opinion.

You chuckled, your lightly sweating forearm smacking his side while you chuckled, “Yeah, true. I’m sweating like you right now.”

“You’re an asshole,” Bakugou grunted, his eyes shifting to look at you.

Despite his harsh words, he was looking down at you with no malice in his gaze. Breathing heavily out of your nose, you pushed off the couch and sat on it properly, looking at your best friend with a grin.

“And why are you out here exactly? Kiri wants to sing a song with you, Midoriya, and Todoroki like really badly.”

“Well shitty hair can come ask me to sing a song with him and those idiots if he wants, I’m not going back in that disgusting room until I have to.” Bakugou waves off, his thighs shifting against the soft couch and his arm falling on the sofa behind your head.

“Don’t be a party pooper!” you groaned, your hands shoving his side softly, but your smile remained on your face. “What’s eating you up? Come on, you can tell me anything, ya know!”

Bakugou freezes a bit, those words relaying in his mind like a broken record. 

What would happen if he told you if he was in love with you?

Would you hate him if he did?

He was sure you wouldn’t say it back - that was for sure.

“I won’t say,” he breathes out shakily, the words ‘I’m in love with you’ pounding on every cell of his body.

He loved you. He loved you more than he thought he could ever love anyone.

He wanted to tell you, and the look of utter disappointment in your face only made his stomach twist with guilt and failure that he didn’t tell you. 

“I promise I won’t tease you… I won’t do anything to upset you! You know you can trust me, right?” you plead, your hand taking his sweaty one, and Bakugou flushed at the warm contact. 

He loved you, he loved you, he loved you.

There’s a look of guilt that twists on your face, and you sigh, your head dropping and Bakugou freezes when you begin to shake your head. “Sorry, that’s… that’s rude of me. If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t make you, but if you want to, I promise that I won’t judge.”

Your concerned eyes rose back up to meet his, and Bakugou felt his spine go stiff.

A shaky breath of air expelled past his chapped lips, and Bakugou’s fingers trembled, “I have something to confess…”

Your eyes widened in shock and silent glee that he was going to let you in on his secret, but he wondered if you would look the same after he confessed.

“I’m-”

“Y/n!” a shout interrupted, and Bakugou froze while both of your heads snapped over to see Kirishima pushing out of the door with a bright grin on his face.

“Ei!” you smiled broadly in return, your voice almost breathless at his arrival, your eyes filled with emotions that Bakugou could only dream were directed towards him. Immediately his stomach twisted sickeningly at the sight of his red-headed best friend take three long strides to get to the couch before planting the biggest kiss he had ever seen onto your lips.

Bakugou’s stomach filled with bitter acid at the sight of you and Kirishima passionately kissing despite having him no more than two centimeters away from you. Giggles and the purest sounds of two people in deep, deep love emitted from the both of you, and it took everything in Bakugou not to split his skull in half in raging jealousy.

“I was missing you so much! I looked away, and you were gone!” Kirishima pouted, his tone a low whine, but his mouth continued to press flustering kisses against your mouth until you were gently pushing him away. Embarrassment obvious in your posture because shamelessly making out in front of any audience always left you uncomfortable. 

“I was… checking up on… on Bakugou,” you pathetically moaned against Kirishima’s mouth, your hands helpless against his chest while you attempted to push away your tipsy and loving boyfriend. Kirishima let out an understanding ‘oh’ before pushing away from your lips and collapsing onto the couch next to you. 

Bakugou was silent and frozen as he looked at his feet, his nostrils flaring in his anger and embarrassment because what was he ever thinking?! Confessing to you when you had a boyfriend?!

“How’s Bakubro doing?” Kirishima cheered, his hand slapping against Bakugou’s taut shoulder with a wide grin. “Is he being a good friend?”

“You know he always is,” you laugh, your lips pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “He was about to tell me something, though!”

Bakugou froze when he felt your gaze and Kirishima’s fall on him, and acid shot to his mouth.

You had been dating Kirishima since the start of the third year at UA. It was a relationship he was always and has always been aware of because Kirishima never was secretive about his puppy love crush on you! Still, he knew this and fell for you. You were his best friend’s lover, and he fell in love with you. He could never say he was in love with you, not if he knew what was best for you and Kirishima. 

But even if he wasn’t the sixteen-year-old boy with anger issues from hell, there was a part of him that would always be that, and in a time where he needed to be calm and lie through his teeth, seething anger exploded in his chest.

“I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

Both you and Kirishima froze, “W-What?”

Bakugou was a good hero because his quirk was powerful. Explosions were powerful, and they were deadly if misused. He wasn’t someone who could use his quirk as a means to save - sure he saved people every day, but he would never aim a blast towards a victim. That would be idiotic. Bakugou knew he wasn’t his quirk. He was explosive and bitter and mean at times, but he believed he was more than that. He was better than that. And for the past three years, he had been working on that part of himself, only for it to fall and collapse in an explosive fury right now.

He was dangerous.

“This entire time, I only gave you a shot because I knew you were seeing Kirishima. You’re fucking annoying though, an airheaded, a coward, and so fucking nosey, I wonder just how Kirishima is still with you! He can do so much fucking better than you, and it’s embarrassing that you can’t even see it!”

“You don’t mean that,” came your soft and utterly broken voice, your face pleading for him to say it was a lie, pleading that this was some joke. 

Tears burned at the back of his eyes but refused to form, and Bakugou wished he could say he was done after that, but the thing about destruction is that there was always more than just one wave. 

“I tried to be your friend, I did, but it was the worst mistake I made. You’re a shit friend, a shit hero, and a shit significant other. You’re not someone I admire or think of as an equal, and I think it’s best if you just left me the fuck alone.”

“You’re an asshole,” you laugh humorlessly, your eyes stone hard and staring daggers into Bakugou’s skull, but to his own horror, a steely laugh escapes his lips he shrugs.

“I’ve been called worse.”

You stood up, storming away from the loud room and slamming the door so loudly behind you it rattled the walls.

“What the hell was that, Bakugou?!” Kirishima gasped, his eyes wide in a fury and hurt, the once tipsy glaze to his eyes gone and only full of sober anger and disbelief. “That was the unmanliest shit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth?! The fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Fuck off, go take care of the fucking crybaby,” Bakugou heaved, the tears burning even more as he folded his arms, his gaze focused on his feet once again.

“Did you know that y/n used to fucking like you?! All three years in high school y/n had the biggest fucking crush on you, and even when we got together… I knew those feelings still existed…” curling acid shot up his throat at the critical information. You had liked him? “For three years y/n tried to be your friend, and it didn’t work until the very end and you just… why did you do that?! You’re a fucking dick, Bakugou.”

Bakugou wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not when Kirishima pushed off the couch, his footsteps shockingly sober as he moved to chase after you. But the moment that Kirishima was out of sight and the karaoke room began to play the Disney classic, I won’t say I’m in love, something twisted in his soul and tears pushed through his eyes.

He loved you so fucking much, but as he always seemed to, he had destroyed every good thing in his life because of his attitude.

You were Kirishima’s, and it only really hit him now… how could you ever forgive him?

[bookandcover]

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe…they do! They really, really do! This was such a phenomenal book! It’s 1987 and narrator Ari is a 15-year-old Mexican American boy living in El Paso who feels perpetually misfit. He doesn’t understand how to relate to other boys his age; he doesn’t understand his father, silent and troubled after years of serving in Vietnam; he doesn’t understand his mother’s silence when it comes to his older brother who is in prison, but who might as well be dead. Then, his world is utterly changed when fellow 15-year-old Dante befriends him. Dante is many things Aristotle is not: in love with the world and his life, passionate about books and art, open about his feelings, affectionate with his parents, and Dante charges through life with a joyous innocence that extends from his love for all living things right down to his unwillingness to wear shoes outside.

I loved every page of this book, from the tough parts to the surprising plot twists to the stunning portraits of both boys’ relationships with each of their parents, to the glorious ending which felt like a rainstorm breaking over the desert Ari loves—a therapeutic release of emotion. First off, the writing and voice is beautiful and spot-on. Ari is our narrator and every word sounds like him. He’s troubled and stubborn, but also quiet and attentive. He has a strong sense of justice, a strong moral compass, and clever and sarcastic sense of humor. We know him, and through his eyes we know deeply the other pivotal figures in his life. Ari’s growth over the course of the novel is seamless, as is the growth of his relationships with the other characters. Let’s start with Dante. Dante is beautiful in Ari’s eyes and therefore in ours. His soul is beautiful. Just like Ari, we long to protect that innocence. A third of the way through the book, one of the significant plot twists is the back-to-back events of Dante announcing that he’ll be leaving El Paso for a year—his family is moving to Chicago for his dad’s one year sabbatical—and a car speeding in the rain nearly killing both Dante and Aristotle. Ari moves instinctively and shoves Dante out of the way. The car crushes his legs. I gasped aloud reading this section. It’s unclear for several pages if Dante has survived and what, exactly, has happened, as we experience these scenes with the full confusion and disorientation that Ari experiences. This is the first event that shifts Ari and Dante’s relationship. Dante is wracked by guilt and Ari tries desperately to move them past this, to equalize their light-hearted friendship once again.

Dante moves to Chicago, writes letters to Ari who only occasionally responds, and then moves back. Everything continues to change. Dante is no longer so innocent, but he is still as pure of heart. In true Dante fashion, he is not afraid of who he is and he tells Ari openly that he’s gay and that he likes boys. Ari, again, tries to hang onto the past, tries to keep their relationship the way it’s always been. Near the end of the book, their relationship changes again after another dramatic twist (although, perhaps both of these should have looked to us as inevitable, as they match the personalities of both characters) that leaves one of our favorite duo severely injured. This time, Dante is hospitalized, after he’s beaten up by a group of boys who see him kissing another boy. Ari goes on an emotionally-driven rampage in response. He confronts the boy who Dante was kissing and learns that Daniel fled while Dante faced up to the bullies (very true to character) and discovers the names of two of the four boys who beat Dante up. Furious, Ari goes to find one of these boys and fights with him, sending him to the hospital in turn. Both these events evidence Ari’s deep need to defend and protect Dante, and both events change Dante himself and the relationship between Ari and Dante.

Both events remove some of Dante’s lightness. He understands in different ways what’s at stake when he’s expressing his identity. He worries over telling his parents that he’s gay and he’s thrilled when his mom is pregnant again, insisting that the child needs to be a boy and he needs to love girls. After Dante is beaten up, the truth about his identity comes out, and his dad is saddened as he asks Ari why his son didn’t tell him, why he didn’t feel he could tell him the truth. While Dante is no longer quite so light-hearted, his strength in his convictions is never shaken. While these events are dramatic, it’s the slow disappointment of his unrequited love for Ari that is perhaps changing Dante the most. Dante tries for a long time to show Ari his love. He talks Ari into things, shares his drawings of Ari, kisses him, and eventually tells him how he feels. But, by the end of the book, we see the way the hopelessness of Dante’s love for Ari is aging him and saddening him. When, in the final scene, Ari starts to tell Dante of his feelings in return, Dante’s instinct is to draw back, to tell Ari that he can’t do this. Dante has been too hurt by the day-to-day pain of loving Ari and believing this love is not returned. Ari, on the other hand, has reached a place of openness in which love has become stronger than the boundaries he has always built around his heart. He has become more like Dante—more willing to wear his heart on his sleeve—and Dante has become more like Ari—more cautious, more aware that the world is not as magical as he believed it to be. Beautifully, these boys meet in the middle, somewhere between their two natures.

Ari’s character development feels like healing. He begins this book in a place of tension, with himself and with his family. It takes him a long time to uncover the truth: the truth of his heart and his feelings and his sexuality, the truth about his brother, the truth about his father, the truth about his mother, the truth about his aunt (who was queer and estranged from her extended family while accepted only by Ari’s immediate family)…As Ari peels back these layers seeking the truth he seems to be liberating himself. Interestingly, the truth about his brother is a truth he always knew he needed. He wanted to know what happened and why his parents didn’t speak of this. The truths he learns about his father and mother seem to be by-products of this central truth, or part of the natural process of growing up and discovering the complexity of one’s parents as people. The truth about himself seems to be the deepest layer, the hardest to uncover, but one that is tied to learning these other truths. I thought it was poignant that his father, always so silent and internal, is the one to tell Ari the truth about his feelings for Dante. That his father, who Ari has always perceived to hold so much inside, is able to bare his soul and tell his Vietnam story (the deep guilt he feels for having left a man behind to die, that this is what haunts him most) and then, in the same conversation, tell his son that he knows his son is in love with his male best friend seemed like the perfect parallel. It is somehow always easier to see the truth in someone else than in yourself. Ari’s mother’s unveiling of her heart is similar, as she tells Ari the truth that is hardest for her to face—the truth about Ari’s brother who was imprisoned for killing with his bare hands a prostitute he picked up who turned out to be a man—and after revealing this, she is there in agreement as Ari’s father reveals the hardest truth for Ari to hear. I loved how she shows her son that his hardest truth doesn’t need to continue to be painful, that he doesn’t need to feel ashamed, that he can heal fully, as she says “Ashamed of what? Of loving Dante?” In asking this question, she shows Ari that shame is so far from the way he should feel about love.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a book with a better characterization of the relationships between children and parents. These parents are incredible people. They are far from perfect, but they try so hard to understand their children and they love them so fiercely. Early in the book, Ari is closer with his mother than his father. His witty banter with his mom, who co-opts Ari calling her a fascist as a way to tease him, shows their similar ways of being in the world. But in nature, Ari is more like his quiet father who holds a whole war inside himself. Ari grows to realize the ways that his reluctance to take the truth out and look at it has echoes in his mother’s nature as well, and that his father might be more light-hearted than he’d assumed (he goes bowling regularly with Mr. Quintana). Dante, on the other hand, feels more early affinity for his father who is also funny and fun-loving and contrasted to his composed mother. Yet, we see how deeply Mrs. Quintana loves (I loved the moment where, after Ari saves Dante’s life in the car accident, Mrs. Quintana tells Ari that she will love him forever, and Ari knows that she means it), and we see how her moral conviction and weight is somehow like her son’s, as he matures into himself. Mrs. Quintana sees everything about Dante in a way his father does not; his father, who more often lives in the moment, is blind-sided to realize his son is gay and never told him. Both of Dante’s parents are rejuvenated by Mrs. Quintana’s pregnancy, and they behave like young lovers, as they take Ari’s truck for a spin. Their age difference with Ari’s parents is never closely commented on, but it’s something I thought about as a friendship square is foraged among the parents, and opened to include their sons. By the end of the novel, Ari feels like Dante does: he knows he loves his parents; he’s crazy about them.

I loved how, late in the book, we finally get the first names of Ari’s parents—Lilly and Jaime—when they have become, for him, fully realized beings and when they have, through their bravery in confronting their hardest truths, helped their son to confront his. I bawled through the penultimate scene of this book when Ari’s dad tells him about his time in Vietnam. I felt like Ari’s dad was showing him that the most painful regret was to leave someone behind, that leaving someone behind is what haunts you, and that he doesn’t want his son to leave someone behind…and that someone is himself, a version of his true self that Ari might have chosen to shut out from his life for so long that he would never be able to truly heal. Instead, because of the willingness of Ari’s parents to still grow and change as settled adults, to strive for more openness with their son, they teach Ari openness with himself. Ari is not his brother and they see him for who he is rather than projecting Bernardo onto Ari. Although, when he comes home after having beaten up Julian (Dante’s attacker), his parents show an instinctual fear that he is like his brother—using his hands for violence—and his father reacts punitively (“I’m selling your truck”) like he must have done to his brother, Ari is able to tell the truth of his motivations and his parents are able to slow down and see him. This is such a powerful testament to the ability of parents and children to grow into their relationships with each, a positive growth that requires change in both of them. The healing of Ari’s family, their blossoming closeness, forms the central arc of this novel. Yes, this is a love story. It is a story of Ari coming to terms with his sexuality and accepting his love for Dante. But, more fundamentally, it’s the story of his relationship with his family, because in healing themselves, they heal each other. I adored all of these characters and l didn’t want their stories to end. Ending the novel felt like saying goodbye to friends.

[jemmahazelnut]

Two broken hearts with matching sides - Chapter 3

Summary: Freed and Laxus were inseparable friends, they always spent their days together ever since they were children, so much so that they were considered indivisible. That’s why everyone was surprised when during the last year of high school, the two boys no longer spoke a word from one day to the next. That’s why everyone was surprised when Freed left for Germany and Laxus knew nothing about it. After three years the two will be forced to see each other again, and for a period to live under the same roof. [Freed/Laxus]

Link: AO3

Here you can find Chapter One, Chapter Two.

An intolerable situation

That had been a shit day, ever since he got out of bed. It had all started since he met Freed in the kitchen. Usually he never met the boy, it seemed that they both calculated their schedules in order to see each other as little as possible. But that morning Laxus had woken up late, and because of that he had had to have breakfast with Freed. It had only been three minutes, but it was more than enough to piss him off.

After that he had arrived late for class, and by mid-morning he had received an email from the office telling him that a wrong exam had been recorded. So, he had to waste half an hour of his time arguing with the old fool from the Student Administration Office, who didn't know how to use a computer.

Fortunately, there was a positive side, in the canteen he had crossed paths with Rufus and that boy had clearly flirted with him. Well, Rufus was a nice guy. Maybe he reminded him a little of Freed, but the biggest difference was that Rufus wasn't an asshole. They hadn’t dated yet, but he was convinced it wouldn't take long. That blond was obviously smitten with him.

And Laxus couldn't wait to date with him, maybe showing it in front of Freed, and showing him what he had lost. And since Freed and Rufus never got along in high school, it would’ve been even more fun. Good heavens, he felt like a teenager girl acting like that. Not that Freed cared about him.

In any case, the day wasn't over yet. No, he had come home and met Freed on the landing in front of the elevator. He too had just entered and the two were in front of the elevator. They didn't even say hello, they stared at each other for a moment and then looked away. Laxus pressed the button to call the elevator. If anyone left, Freed would. He wasn't going to go up the stairs just to avoid the asshole.

He didn't even have to argue anyway, Freed greeted him coldly and then took the stairs without even waiting for an answer from him. Laxus growled softly. Fuck. Rightly the asshole ran away, it was the only thing he could do in his life. The elevator arrived and Laxus got inside, more and more nervous. He couldn't wait for Freed to find another apartment and leave.

Halfway up the climb the lift stopped.

Fuck, as if it isn't already enough, he thought irritably. He pressed the button on his floor again, but nothing, the lift wouldn’t start at all. Irritated, he pressed the alarm, just hoping it wasn't Freed who heard him, but most likely the boy was still on the stairs. Fuck, that day was getting worse and worse.

Fortunately, after a few seconds the elevator started up again and Laxus went out shortly after to his own floor. He’d never take that damn thing again. Freed was standing in front of the open door to the apartment. The two still said nothing and entered the apartment.

“Hello guys!” exclaimed Bickslow sitting on the sofa.

“Hi,” Freed said and then went straight to his room and locked himself inside. Bickslow sighed heavily and turned to him, but Laxus only grunted a greeting. He was still mad at them for setting him up in an apartment with Freed. He knew they had done it with good intentions, but why the hell hadn't they at least talked about it with him before?

Maybe because you refused to do it, said a little voice in his head but he chased it away.

“Do you want to do a movie night tonight?” Bickslow asked “Evergreen makes popcorn, and we choose the movie.”

“I choose the film,” the girl retorted from the kitchen. Laxus hesitated, fearing that Freed was there too. He didn't really want to sit on the same couch with the boy. Bickslow seemed to read his mind because after a while he spoke.

“Freed has to study”.

“Ok then,” Laxus replied, ignoring Bickslow's disappointed expression. At least he had stopped bothering him to be with Freed. “But I choose the film,” he declared.

“Hey, I'm the one making the popcorn here, so I'm going to pick the movie,” Evergreen complained as she appeared at the living room door.

“Since most of the DVDs are mine, I choose,” Laxus retorted and looked over the pile of DVDs, but he quickly noticed that one was missing. “Where is ‘It’?” he asked.

“Oh, Freed and I watched it last night,” Bickslow said. “Maybe we had put it in the drawer,” he said quietly. Laxus opened the drawer slightly nervous.

“It's not there,” he blurted out. He didn't know why, but the idea of Freed touching his things bothered him. Maybe they had once exchanged everything without any problem, but those times were over, and the fault was the asshole. Irritated and without thinking he went to Freed's room, ignoring Bickslow who was hurrying to get up from the sofa saying that maybe he had taken it.

He knew it didn't make sense to get mad for something like that, but he wanted to vent all the frustration he'd built up throughout the day. Besides, any excuse would’ve been a good one to blame Freed.

Laxus knocked violently on the door of the roommate's room three times, then entered without waiting for an answer. Freed was changing his clothes and was wearing only boxers. Laxus paused for just a moment to look at his naked, muscular torso, and for a moment a flash of the past occurred to him.

“What the fuck, are you able to knock before you enter?” Freed growled.

“I knocked,” Laxus retorted.

“Very useless since you walked in before waiting for an answer,” Freed snapped.

“Maybe if you didn't take my things, I wouldn't have to go in like that,” Laxus said roughly.

“What the hell are you talking about,” Freed snapped grabbing his pants.

“It”.

“What?” Freed asked confused.

“It, the movie,” Laxus snapped annoyed and walked into the room approaching Freed's desk. The boy still had a lot of books, and judging by the bookmarks he was still reading two at the same time. He looked at the computer and noticed that the screen was frozen on a Word document full of writing and curious he read a few lines. Did Freed write?

“Get out of here” Freed snapped going in front of him and closing the computer with a dry gesture. The fact that he had only been wearing the pants in the meantime still distracted Laxus a bit. He didn't know if he was more inclined to slam him against the wall to kiss him or to beat him. In any case, it would’ve been satisfactory. “And maybe learn a little education towards your roommates.”

Laxus grinned. “But you’re a great roommate using other people's things,” he commented harshly.

“I thought it was Bicks...”.

“Really?” Laxus interrupted. “Because we both know that's not true. Or do I have to remind you how many times we saw it years ago?” he growled. It was enough to think about how different things were years ago to make him feel a strong melancholy, but he covered it with anger not to show it.

“It’s not in my room anyway,” Freed snapped, raising his tone. “Probably Bickslow has it. Now get out of here,” he ordered dryly. Laxus felt the nervousness rise even more. Why was he thinking about the past, and Freed hadn't even blinked at the memory? Because obviously the asshole never gave a shit about him.

“Don't use my stuff anymore,” he growled as he left the room.

“And you learn to control yourself, three years and you've only gotten worse,” Freed snapped and then slam the door and shut himself inside. Laxus was tempted to open it only to punch him, and blame him for how much Freed had gotten worse. He didn't just do it because Bickslow put a hand on his shoulder.

“I found the DVD. I had it”.

“Good,” Laxus grunted irritably. Soon after he went back to his room.

***

It all seemed normal. Laxus hadn't talked about it, he hadn't talked about it and to tell the truth there hadn't even been embarrassment. Freed didn’t know how to behave, he felt high every time the blonde turned to look at him, and every now and then it seemed to him that Laxus was staring at him more than he should. Maybe he had forgotten the kiss because of alcohol. Or maybe he didn't know how to behave.

But Freed didn't want to talk about it, if Laxus didn't remember and if it was just a drunk impulse, he didn't want to ruin their friendship. Freed turned to the TV. They were at the home of Makarov, Laxus' grandfather. Apparently, the old man had left them alone and the two were deciding what movie to see. He roused himself from his thoughts and forced himself to behave normally as usual.

“Tonight let's watch ‘It’” he decided taking the DVD. Laxus snorted loudly.

“We saw it last time, let's watch ‘Matrix’,” he retorted.

“You're just scared” Freed teased with a smirk but Laxus pushed him aside and took the science fiction DVD. That gesture reassured Freed, if Laxus had no problem touching him, it was just fine. It really all seemed as usual. Maybe the friend really didn't remember anything. Better this way, it would’ve been just a memory of Freed and that was enough.

“I'm not afraid,” Laxus snapped. “But we already saw it last time, it gets boring to see it again. We'll watch ‘Matrix’,” he decided.

“We've already seen that too,” Freed pointed out.

“So?” Laxus asked. Freed pulled the DVD from his hands and the blonde tried to get it back, but Freed stepped back and put it behind his back. Laxus advanced towards him but the boy ran away behind the sofa. “We both know I'll win,” the blond said.

“I don't think so, and then you decided last time,” Freed reminded him. Laxus apparently didn't care much. He walked over to Freed and pinned him against the back of the sofa, reached behind Freed's back to grab the DVD but he held it tight.

“Let go,” the blond told him.

“Absolutely not”.

“You're unbearable,” Laxus growled. Then he grinned dangerously and Freed arched an eyebrow. Against his every surprise, Laxus reached out to his hip and began to move his fingers. Freed immediately began to wriggle but to no avail and laughed at the tickle.

“Stop it, come on, stop it,” he pleaded with laughter. Laxus grinned and didn't listen to him, continuing to move his fingers sadistically. Freed climbed back onto the sofa but Laxus grabbed him by the waist to prevent him from escaping. The DVDs fell from Freed's hands and fell to the ground, but Laxus now wanted his revenge. Freed rolled over on the sofa and Laxus threw himself on top of him, straddled his stomach and lifted his shirt and continued to tickle him.

“Enough,” Freed said with tears in his eyes.

“So, let's watch ‘Matrix’?”

“Okay, but stop the fuck,” Freed said. Satisfied Laxus stopped his fingers and Freed panting looked over him. Oh fuck. Why the hell were they so close. Why had Laxus sat on him? Freed felt his face flush and noticed how Laxus' cheeks were warming too.

Soon after, the blond came down to him, took the DVD and put it in the DVD player. He sat back down next to Freed, and the boy didn't know what to do. He stared at the TV screen trying not to focus on his friend, at least until Laxus asked him if he wanted a beer.

“Beer?” Freed asked, turning surprised to his friend. Laxus shrugged.

“My grandfather isn't there. We can have fun and get drunk. It will be fun,” he said.

“Oh,” Freed said and then nodded. “Okay,” he said. Laxus went into the kitchen and Freed paused the movie, waiting for his friend to return. When Laxus returned, however, he didn't have a beer in his hand, but a bottle of vodka. He grinned and opened it.

“Will Makarov not notice?” Freed asked.

“With everything he drinks he certainly won't,” Laxus replied as he sat down on the sofa and opened it. Immediately afterwards he took a long drink and then passed it to Freed. He himself took it and drank, then grimaced.

Shortly after, the two decided to mix it with something else, and took what they found from the fridge. A few Schweppes and some small talk and during the film they drank more and more alcohol. They didn't finish the bottle, because they found themselves laughing at some bullshit before. Freed laughed at scenes in the film and Laxus followed him, although he might not understand why.

“Drinking is fun,” Freed said turning to Laxus, and the blonde nodded.

“Of course it is,” he laughed and then put his arm around Freed's shoulders. He felt himself blush and like the last time he drank, he felt agitated by that closeness. He couldn't handle it, not drunk. Even though he wasn't as drunk as the last time, but he was still tipsy and that lowered his defenses.

He leaned on his friend's shoulder and looked up, and felt his heart beat even more strongly when he saw that Laxus was watching him intently. They were silent for a couple of seconds before the blond lowered his head. Freed lifted his chin and their lips joined.

For Freed it was as if his body burned. They were kissing. A second time. And it was Laxus who had done it. He was drunk, true, but he had taken the first step. Freed clung to his shirt and Laxus tilted his head, parting his lips and forcing Freed to do the same.

They pulled apart to catch their breath and Laxus stretched out on the sofa, carrying Freed on top of him, who did nothing to rebel.

“We're drunk,” Freed murmured, without separating from him, but rather, positioning himself comfortably on his friend.

“It's fun to get drunk,” Laxus replied as he ran a hand through Freed's hair. Freed blushed but could only agree. If that became their new drunken pastime, then he was looking forward to drinking again.

Meanwhile, he bent over his friend again and joined their lips.

***

Two beers. He had only drunk two beers. It wasn't enough to make him drunk and he was sure Laxus wasn't drunk either. He had drunk less than him and was able to handle alcohol better. Not that Freed cared. As long as he was lying on his friend's bed with Laxus astride him, he wasn't interested in anything else.

Laxus's lips ran down his jaw until they reached his neck and Freed cocked his head to the side, giving him free access. When he heard his friend begin to suck and bite, he moaned loudly.

“Fuck,” he whispered. God, he wanted to let go and make him do whatever he wanted. He felt Laxus's hands go up under his shirt and Freed let him do it, while trembling with excitement. This time it wasn't the alcohol that stunned him, but Laxus's care, his hands, his mouth and... oh god. Laxus was tough.

Freed's eyes widened and looked down. He was really tough. Not that the situation was different for him. He felt his cheeks inflame and looked up, meeting his friend's. He too was red in the face and was panting slightly, looking intently at him. His hips pushed forward and Freed couldn't hold back another groan.

Shit.

He clung to Laxus's neck and began kissing him intensely again, while they rubbed each other to get both a little relief. Freed dared to pull up Laxus's shirt, running a hand over his bare back and was happily surprised not to feel any opposition.

In fact, Laxus was enjoying himself.

“Shit Freed,” Laxus moaned as he continued to push against him. That friction was driving him crazy, and Freed was afraid he’d come in his pants at any moment. Laxus, however, didn’t stop. “Freed... I can't take it anymore,” Laxus blew on his face.

“Me neither,” Freed admitted.

The two boys stopped, both panting and both with a problem in their pants. For a moment they were both undecided on what to do. Freed didn't want him to end up there. He wanted to continue, make out with Laxus and maybe do something more. And he thought Laxus wanted it too, since he wasn't moving from his position.

“I... I’ve tissues,” Freed stammered. Laxus looked at him for a moment confused and Freed took courage and reached out to reach his friend's belt. Cheeks ablaze he looked up, and Laxus gasped even more. “Can I?” Freed asked uncertainly.

“Oh god, yes,” Laxus replied quickly. Freed, satisfied and excited by the answer, took off his belt and opened his friend's pants. He swallowed nervously as he reached under his boxers and with the other hand took the packet of tissues on the bedside table, dropping the lamp and some CDs on the floor. But Laxus didn't seem to care.

The blond followed his example and the two gave each other pleasure on the bed, and then stayed there with their pants open and panting breaths.

At least until they heard that Makarov had returned. At that point they got up and fixed everything, throwing away the dirty tissues, and in a few seconds being fully sober and friends again. And again, neither of them dared to talk about it.

***

Final notes: Probably the DVDs will seem part of the Middle Ages or something like that, but consider that in Italy up to five/six years ago Netflix hadn’t yet arrived, so if this story is set between 2016 and 2018 it’s perfectly plausible, because it was not still so popular.

That said, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, even if Freed and Laxus still can't stand each other. Thanks to those who comment, it really means a lot to me.

[cavehags]

that fancam u made of troy and abed with the marceline song.... can we talk abt the parallels between bubbline and trobed PLEASE.....

Damn, well I don’t know why I sat on this for so long, as if I thought I was going to write something incredibly daunting and massive. Anyways... 

Let’s look at the facts here:  

Abed: A creative genius with a heart full of love who is cursed with a dad who doesn’t understand him and a mother who disappeared from his life a long time ago and a society that sees him as monstrous and strange

Marceline: Um, same

Both of these people go through life seeking social connections, but due to rejection, they spend a lot of their life alone. Then they find their people. For the first time, they’re not seen as monstrous and strange, they’re not feared or shoved in lockers, but rather they are welcomed into a community that sees them as worthy of love. 

This happens offscreen for Marceline, long before the show begins. But it’s almost heartbreaking to think about how she must have reacted upon meeting someone who wasn’t afraid of her, who liked her sense of humor, who wanted to be around her because Marcy fit into her lonely life just as much as she fit into Marcy’s. 

We do see what this looks like when it happens to Abed. We get to see Abed make some missteps early on as he tries to feel out the limits of their new friendship. Friendship is new to him! In those early episodes, he doesn’t yet understand pranks or lying or the need to perform gender appropriately or any of that weird stuff that seems to matter so much to Troy. 

Both of them are delighted to find, for the first time in their adult lives, a relationship where they’re completely seen and at peace. 

Then we have Bonnie and Troy, two characters who are honestly really different, but face some of the same challenges. Both of them grew up with a burden on them to Be Something to people. A masculine icon. An inspiring leader. In both cases, they need to be uncontroversially powerful, and that means performing gender in a conventional way that the people around them will accept. Both have a lot of fears about failing to live up to the persona they are pressured to embody. Through the device of fantasy, Bonnie’s need to perform gender appropriately is heightened because of the stakes: she has to behave like an uncontroversial woman, because what will happen to her people if they turn away from her and she can no longer lead? By contrast, Troy is lucky: he is just a kid in community college, finally free from his parents’ oversight. If he wants to take a dance class, finally, after all these years of repression, he can.

In stifling themselves for the sake of public approval, PB and Troy have become repressed, touch-starved, and lonely. So it really means the world to them to find a friend. And not just someone who looks up to them through the eyes of one of their fans (Troy) or citizens (PB), but a real friend, who sees them and thinks they’re smart and funny and interesting just as a person. We see PB open up to Marceline in ways she would never open up to anyone else, like when she makes mean jokes for Marcy’s ears only. Expressing herself in a way that wouldn’t be accepted by the public exposes the cracks in PB’s persona, and reveals that her relationship with Marcy fills a need for her that isn’t being met by anyone else. Troy, too, shows a side of himself to Abed that he’s afraid to show others, revealing the vulnerability and femininity that he grew up thinking he could never express. 

At the risk of being overly sentimental, it’s just like the most romantic kind of love there is! Through knowing Troy, Abed gives himself permission to be himself. He doesn’t become more Troy -- he becomes more himself, giving himself permission to love and be loved, because finally there is a person who sees his truest truths and loves him for it. Through her relationship with Bonnie, Marceline does the same, sharing her emotional maturity and tremendous heart with someone who values those things for what they are. And for Troy and Bonnie, these relationships are something real in their lives that are otherwise full of pretense. With Abed, Troy can allow his real self to shine through. His real self is loving and gentle and feminine, things that Troy was always afraid to be. And Abed has nothing but love for that. And with Marcy, PB can be unladylike--she can be mean and dramatic or goofy and weird and not have to worry about the political ramifications of showing the cracks in her armor, because she knows that with Marceline, she’s completely safe. 

There’s just something so loving about these two relationships. I think it’s that the love is built on a mutual understanding of absolute personal truth. Abed and Troy found that with each other very quickly, in just a few years together at community college. Marcy and Bonnie found it over the course of centuries. For all four characters, it’s a total revelation. 

And it’s just unmistakably gay, too--that fear to be yourself and the utter joy when you can be authentic with someone you trust more than you’ve ever trusted anyone. These are stories about a recognizable outcast falling in love with someone who is socially accepted only because they are lying about who they are. That arc reflects the two extremes of how many gay people have lived their lives throughout history, ultimately showcasing how those two different ways of living--of surviving being unacceptable--are not actually very different at all. But when you find someone who’s like you and sees you--the Troy to your Abed or the Marcy to your Bonnibel--life looks a lot different with love.

So, with all that said, here’s that fancam again for anyone who hasn’t seen it ❤

[red-i-mean-blue]

A:TLA romantic ships part 1

yes, no one asked for my opinions, yes I will give them anyway, yes because I have decided making a bunch of meaningless decisions and arguing for them will improve my mental state, yes I watched the show all in one very sleep deprived go and i’m not interested in rewatching it so yes I have absolutely no sources, yes this is a really long grammatical nightmare because I don’ t know how to be succinct and i use way more words than necessary at any opportunity because if my point doesn’ t come across exactly like i intend it will greatly upset me, no I have not yet watched Korra or read the comics because i’m tired now let’s do this.

includes Kataang, Zutara, Jetkara, Jinko, Maiko, Sukka, Taang, Tokka, Toko Ty Lokka, Tyzula, Yukka bc these were on the Avatar wiki ship list, part two will go into gay ships more

from 0 I despise people who ship this immediately to 10 I will read absolutely anything with this, I love it and could draw it for hours on how much I think the relationship would be good and how happy it makes me

Kataang (looks like a comic book sound effect so plus points)

very clearly built up over the series

cute kid crushes also ngl did not know katara was 14 and not older 12 or 13 so didn’t care about age when watching

now I know she’s 14 and he’s 12 it’s a little weird but still

haters say katara was just the avatar’s trophy girl, as if aang didnt kiss the ground she walked on and wouldnt stop telling anyone how amazing she is. Katara was the first face he saw from the new world and they immediately became friends. she was so excited to meet another bender, he clearly is trying to impress her and it is working, he listens to her about bending and offers to take her to the other side of the world to master water, TELL ME at this moment she is not ride or die and she doesn’t even know he’s the avatar, he lets her feel like a kid again, which is a feeling she’s forgotten after years of being a mother to sokka and the children. he literally sweeps her off her feet to save her from the fire nations ship i-. rewatched boy in the iceberg and hoo boy had canon not messed it up, this ship could have been legendary

hard to imagine older them working out what with the whole last airbender, preserve air nomad culture, let’s travel the world bc nomadic lifestyle, what’s marriage i’m a monk without biological family values vs last southern waterbender, preserve southern water tribe culture, I believe in the power of family and am ridiculously dedicated to my tribe,  let me go home to my father and tribe shtick, but I don’t care for after the show finishes much except for following the gang fix the world so I don’t really care about the marriage issue

canon was good until that Mess in season 3, WHY did he kiss her after that speech, wish they talked that out properly, wish he learned letting go of her to open the 7th chakra was the only right decision, wish the ending was a little more vague in ships and just left things open but yk whatever

that finale kiss was sweet, they hugged foremost as friends, no blushing, and then got the fuzzies, that moment standing alone? a+ but without any talking about what happened on ember island, a little unsatisfying

overall, fine ship, not my favourite nor do I actively ship it, but I see a kataang moment, i’m like, sweet so I give it a 6

Zutara (apparently fans are zutarians which looks like an alien race, plus points)

latter half of the show had quite a lot of Zutara potential, but idk about Zutara actual

katara was so ready to drop his ass, no way at the start

there is only one dynamic between them in which I can see Zutara working and that is as in the Stalking Zuko by emletish series where katara is so distrusting over zuko she takes to stalking him to make sure he isn’t doing anything to hurt Aang or about to betray them (her) again but he is just such a sweet dork who keeps trying to apologise to her even while she’s apologising to him for being a bitch that she can’t help but start to trust him, i’m a third into the third book in the series not stalking firelord zuko and I am thriving and tbh this is the only situation where I accept zutara, read the series I love it

age gap is weird, I know it’s the same difference between kataang but they made a point of zuko being older in the show also he’s so much taller and I don’t like 16 year old boys with 14 year old girlfriends in real life and so would katara because jet

katara has a bad experience with bad boy sword weilders (jet) but I guess you could see it as the start of her type idk

they are both the moms of the Gaang. sokka is the fun dad.

there is a parallel between their families, with the leader of their people dad, mom who left the picture when they were young, an older brother who is not a prodigy at/can’ t bend their respective element so they become proficient at swords instead, prodigy at bending younger sister with a violent streak. this is why I see zutara as potentially a really close friendship, almost siblings, but not a romance because to me katara is a little too like azula for comfort...

tbh I think a lot of folk shipped it because ooh fire boy and water girl (not the game) that’ s perfect, and bam army of zutarians

overall, kind of weird but ok and good grounds for humour so I give it a 4

Jetkara (bad ship name, why would you like this, minus points)

Jet is bad. yes Katara really liked him, yes he was definitely her first kiss and she would definitely consider him her first boyfriend but they would not define it because it’s easier to manipulate someone when it’s unclear what your relationship is and Jet is bad, with his weird fricking eyebrows and not even real swords those hook swords

Not wasting my time, 2

Jinko (cool name, reminds me of Hong Jinkyung, plus points) 

short but so sweet. not the first thing people remember from watching the tales of ba sing se (brb going to rewatch and cry) but really cute, so here’s a running commentary

his first thought was she knew they were fire nation rather than a pretty girl sat in a teashop giving him looks because she had a crush omg

that honest surprise when his uncle suggested she liked her and then she walked up and asked him on a date, adorable

anyone who looked at that god-awful hairstyle and still thought he looked cute has it bad also aww that hair ruffle and the little grab onto his arm

he’s pushing his food around and she’s trying out ice breaker questions and recieving one word responses he has no idea what he’s doing

“she is not my GIRLFRIEND” he’s not over Mai, clearly but he still is trying his best to be a good date even if he’s terrible at making conversation

anyone who sat through that date and the bad lying and the stilted conversation and still thought he was cute has it bad 

he is So Bad At Lying he just told the truth very vaguely and then bam travelling circus

jin so knows the two are fire nation, the whole date she just politely ignores the clear lies and doesn’t react to the obvious firebending, what an icon we love jin

honestly I was really expecting the show to reveal that jin knew he was a firebender if not from the start then from the lights but eh I guess she can keep a secret, good for her

HE KISSED HER BACK BEFORE REALISING A RELATIONSHIP COULD NEVER GO WELL AND HE MAY HAVE ANGSTILY STORMED OFF BUT HE ADMITTED IT WAS A NICE TIME TO HIS UNCLE

that being said I can’t see anything more happening but this date but omg imagine fire lord zuko coming back to visit and they become friends I-

overwhelming support for pre-date jin flirting to an oblivious zuko and the date Jinko, 8

Maiko (name would be a good name for a cat idk why)

childhood sweethearts before the banishment i think

she crushed because he saved her hair from getting burnt by tackling her into a fountain? adorable

I love mai she’s so funny but I think not the best match for zuko? he has a lot of trauma to get over and she doesn’t seem like the let all your feelings out and let’s talk about it until you feel better kind of person.  it was deeply ingrained in her to keep all of her feelings and emotions strongly hidden because she got what she wanted from her politician parents so long as she was quiet, well-mannered, and perfectly behaved according to avatar wiki so I get why she’s that way, until I was 11 I was that way too all the time, I understand freezing your face so you don’t look afraid or upset or angry and risk annoying adults, but I don’t think that that would fit zuko with his social ineptness

they literally broke up twice but are just assumed back together? she just surprised him and said they were back together and I think he forgot she existed

the deadpan firelady and the fire lord would be hilarious together tho she got the ruthlessness he lacks

post coronation I can see it happening, 6 but under Kataang

Sukka (terrible name lmao)

the cutest, sokka very excitedly says “Suki!! :DDD” every time he sees her

she didn’t give him the time of day until HE changed, incredible

just the best canon ship, the two nonbenders in the Gaang but very clearly shown to be important key members.

suki is sneaky and badass, rivalling zuko for position on the team as the sneaky badass one (they tie and bond over being sneaky and badass)

sokka is a great dad, he is the dad of the Gaang and he clearly loves suki and suki loves him back

sokka ships are ELITE, 9

Taang (a delicious orange drink mix that reminds me of home, nostalgia)

foreshadowing from the swamp where someone aang loved in the future really made me think taang was endgame yk

opposite elements ideology that I guess is what zutarians like also leaves everyone in the gang dating a Gaang member if zutara happens

actually the same age but not much else going for it

best friends, 4 but under Zutara

Tokka (great name of a small pet fight me)

sokka ships are elite, childhood crush turned adult strong friendship

I really like seeing the rough, tough, greatest earthbender in  the world have a crush, adorable

sokka is a great friend and his and toph’s canon relationship is so sweet, I wouldn’t change it

toph was fully going to give sokka a kiss on the cheek for saving her life i’m melting

age difference is too weird for a romance he’s like 16 or 17 by the end I think and she’s 12

best friends, 10 as a relationship in the show, 2, but in their 20s after the show... 4 but under Taang

Toko (very forgettable name but both characters have 4 letters so I guess it’s hard to come up with something memorable but every time I read it as Toph because same shape ish so minus points for being annoying)

even weirder age gap than Tokka 

not many moments that could be considered romantic? 

toph first accepted zuko despite him burning her feet, how she sees, which was big and they resolved problems between them quickly

toph clinging to his arm and asking for a life changing field trip caused him to blush, but I see that as him being like oh someone wants to spend time with me?? she’s hugging me??? what is this 

convenient ship for kataangers because the Gaang could be paired off as Kataang, Sukka, Toko

her crush on sokka seemed to go away or calm down when he showed up and she punched him and teased him a lot, her way of bonding

similar strict teaching styles and bonding over secret identities as Blue Spirit and Blind Bandit and parental issues and being the children of important families who made them run away to enjoy not having anything to do with politics and being nobility with impaired vision who have never stepped into a kitchen in their lives and being used to servants and then being on the run

I really see them as siblings with her helping him relax from his duties as fire lord because you already know this boy’s sense of honour is going to make him work tirelessly to fix the world and him helping her relax from the whole i’m not a fragile, weak little blind girl, i’m the greatest earthbender in the world shtick and reminding her she can be both a blind 12 year old girl and the most powerful earthbender in the world, she can accept help without being weak or lesser than anyone, people want to help because they care not that they pity you

best friends 10, relationship in show 1, after show 3

Ty Lokka (I don’t like this name looks like a place but can think of nothing better)

yeah I guess ty lee’s obvious flirting is grounds for a ship but in every interaction he’s involved with someone else and doesn’t seem to like her as a person

do they even interact while on the same side?

friendly aquaintances at best, don’ t understand, 2 but above Jetkara

Tyzula (don’t like this name, like a mineral water?)

canon I don’t care it is canonically a possessive relationship

azula’s only genuine apology goes to ty lee after hurting her feelings

Azula clearly loves ty lee, her betrayal sends her mad

after a lot of therapy for azula and apologies, maybe a healthy relationship could form after the show, 8 above Jinko

Yukka (looks like a childish insult, surely someone could have thought of a better name)

Sokka’s love for Yue stays with him for the rest of his life, she was the first person to die in front of him and he sees the moon as her facing the earth

love this forbidden lovers content, sokka ships stay elite

Sokka and Yue spend as much time together as possible with secret midnight dates flirting (“you wanna do an...activity together?”)  Sokka’s reaction to Yue’s engagement shows that he wants to have a serious relationship with her, and also he thinks Hahn is a bad person for Yue, which he is. 

Yue dying devastated him and he never falls out of love with Yue. her last words “[she] will always be with him” are true. swamp visions show Yue as one of the most important people in his life like a season or so after he last saw her. he wouldn’t kiss suki in front of the moon, and cries when Yue appears on stage, ignoring Suki. he talks about the moon as if it is directly Princess Yue in that cactus juice scene.

she died in his arms oh my god don’t look i crying, he feels personally responsible and guilty

yue was great even though she was the indigenous or black girl with light hair and eyes character and I wish she could have helped aang in the spirit world 

despite her arranged engagement she clearly really likes sokka even though she knows nothing can happen, 9

Kataang, Zutara, Jetkara, Jinko, Maiko, Sukka, Taang, Tokka, Toko, Ty Lokka, Tyzula, Yukka

[dreamsinger-rose]

Reply to @somuchflippinglitter’s commentary of my TWT Branch’s Character Growth Post

(Did anyone notice how often we see Branch in monochrome in TWT, basically Gray Branch again?)

Hi! @somuchflippinglitter I’m actually happy to see such a long, thoughtful post. You make some good points, and there are other points that, if I may, I’d like to explain my reasoning more clearly. BTW this is a verrry long post that I thought would work better as a separate post rather than a reply to a reply.

The original post (scroll through the comments to see the commentary I’m replying to)

https://dreamsinger-rose.tumblr.com/post/616517422712848384/twt-spoilers-branchs-character-growth

Some of Branch’s actions can be seen as out of character, yes. For me, the main one is how much more mature he seems in some ways, such as not acting as sarcastic as in the first movie, but I have assume that he’s had at least a year of being social and developing meaningful relationships with the other trolls, who no longer regard him as the ‘crazy guy who lives in a bunker and still thinks the bergens are out to get us’, because he did turn out to be right. So he has less reason to be sarcastic, and more reason to care what other people think of him.

Yes, Branch was definitely the “love interest” here. But because he was, he was the one person with the influence to make Poppy listen when it really mattered. Also, I guess you could say it was “rubbed in your face”, but then, he literally told her he loved her in the first movie (which could have been friendship-love). I can see two reasons for Dreamworks to emphasize his love-interest status: to clearly tell the audience he’s IN love with Poppy, and to show he’s grown emotionally-open enough to make the choice to confess to her. This also implies time passing and character growth.

I looked up the symptoms of PTSD and he fit all of them, (in the first movie). But his PTSD wasn’t caused by the singing and dancing that attracted Chef to capture his grandma, it was caused by the trauma of her loss and his subsequent guilt and grief. The ‘not wanting to sing or dance’ was a symptom of his PTSD, not the cause itself.

That’s why after Poppy and the others comforted him and didn’t heap blame on him after he confessed how it was his fault his grandma got killed, Branch’s grief, and especially his guilt (and self-blame) lifted, and right afterward we started to see him healing. His symptoms began to subside. That “happy shout” came after his confession, not before. He was able to sing when Poppy needed it, and that broke the no-sing/no-dance block in his mind, and that helped him heal even more.

I personally have been considering Trolls Holiday canon, and TBGO as an alternate universe, since we know both have wormholes and thus it’s canon, ironically, for there to be other versions of Branch. For example Branch’s bed is vastly different in each. TBGO Branch does have the same basic personality as movie/special Branch but somewhat different experiences.

Either way, Branch’s basic personality to me is someone who is guarded and not very trusting and therefore prone to anxiety when things happen that are outside his control, like how he got all stuttery in Holiday “D-did you say wormhole?” The Trolls to Trolls clips in particular gave me a lot to think about, since he acts a lot less confident in some of them compared to his confidence in the first movie. Totally blew my mind that all Poppy had to do to make him cave in (high-pitched voice/submissive body language) was MENTION his bunker, never mind its location.

It’s true that sexiness is in the eye of the beholder, but actually I have some solid scientific/aesthetic reasons for thinking of Branch as sexy. First, Branch’s character has been designed to look masculine: large nose, mouth, hands, feet. Broad face. Bigger teeth, compared to Poppy. Thick hair, which implies virility, something females unconsciously look for in a mate. Also, rather than letting his hair grow random and kind of ragged like the other male trolls, Branch’s hair is always neatly trimmed, which implies good hygiene, which is also something people find attractive. Whether he’s an animated troll or not, he’s been designed to look very male and therefore appealing to those who like guys.

Second, I’ve read articles/studies on body language and dance choreography. The “hip sway/push toward us” in particular is characteristic of someone trying to attract a romantic partner. His open arms are seen as inviting/welcoming, which is appealing. Also, him pointing his toes toward someone, biting his lip, and what looks like direct eye contact are also body language that says “he’s into you”. The eye contact in particular will be seen as attractive because it implies confidence, which is universally considered one of THE most attractive traits for either/all sexes.

So my point is it’s not so much that he’s an animated troll, but that a live human who has similar features (big hands, etc) and uses the same body language and eye contact is going to be seen as attractive by a large number of viewers, who will respond on an unconscious level. The outward appearance – blue-green skin, long ears, is not really what we’re responding to as far as attractiveness goes. Thus, to me, an adult female; Branch is sexy.

So, by ‘acting out of character’, did you mean because he was (selfishly) having fun as he danced to the new-to-him Kpop and Reggaetron music? Or do you mean you thought since he left Poppy that meant that he was being selfish and protecting only himself?

You’re right that he cared less about music than other things, although since he was the one who liked Country music and he seemed to understand the Funk troll’s story on a deeper level than Poppy, it was my understanding that he DID care. The reason he seemed out of character is because despite Branch’s love for Poppy, we have to remember his basic, unshakable core characteristic: protection/defense.

In the first movie, he built a bunker to protect himself. He expanded that protection to Poppy and his friends and eventually Bridget, because he came to care about them all. We assume that he’s now friends with much more of the village. (I take his random comment “Ah, what a troll,” when talking about Legsly as support for this.) So now his entire village is under his protection.

He had to make the hard choice to go protect the village when he knew Barb would be heading there (Barb didn’t know Poppy had the string) since Poppy wasn’t doing it. And he couldn’t make her, he could only try to persuade her, which he did. So he was behaving true to himself. He IS loyal to Poppy, but when she essentially abandons her post to go to the Rock trolls’ home, he has to step up and do what he feels is the right thing, no matter how badly he wants to keep Poppy safe. That’s why I think he’ll be a good king, since he put the welfare of his people ahead of his need to stay with Poppy.

Branch didn’t go all untrusting with Hickory because Branch didn’t KNOW Hickory betrayed them. He wasn’t there when the disguise came off.

In your take on Branch and Poppy’s relationship, it’s true that them not having a “good connection” felt a little too convenient after all the relationship-building they’d had over the past year or so. To be fair, if you were writing the movie’s script and you needed some reason for Branch to get motivated to try to confess his feelings for Poppy, what do you think might have been a better scenario?

Me, I liked the high-five because it was symbolic of the progress of the relationship – no contact in the first movie, trying but unable to get a strong connection at the beginning of TWT and a strong connection at the end of TWT. But yeah, not being able to make contact made it sound like their relationship had backtracked instead of progressed, which is out of sync with all the previous progress we’ve seen.

I would have loved to have seen more “vulnerable Branch”. They probably had scenes like that, but had to cut them to keep the movie short enough. It could have been laziness, I suppose. But if there had been more scenes like that, the movie would have been a romance story rather than an adventure, and kids probably wouldn’t have liked it as much. I hope we get to see some cut scenes on the DVD. (Me, I would have liked the movie to be like a half-hour longer and all Broppy scenes, haha).

Thanks for taking the time to give me your beautiful long reply to my post, @somuchflippinglitter You were very respectful :) and I honestly think analyzing a kids’ character is really important since kids learn a lot about the world by what they see on TV. Not so much the fantasy, but the way people relate to one another. Like, Branch could have tried to take Poppy back to the village by force, but he let her make the choice that she thought was right, while he did the same. Each respected the other. And I respect you.