waluijoe

[waluijoe]

so much of my anxiety and self hatred is linked to how i should be interesting to others, and not be boring, at all, or i will lose all worth and die alone. and when this voice inside me stops existing i can go back to just.. being myself, reading about things i want to read about, actually being open to my interests and not just shrugging them aside like "pff no one will care if i talk about this" etc. its really sad just consistently looking at yourself from outside

[waluijoe]

impressive how when i stop feeling like absolute shit all the time i go back to making things, making art, wanting to see movies, wanting to read a lot, wanting to learn things

[waluijoe]

antidepressants side effects got my ass Immediately on the first day okayyy lets chill out

[waluijoe]

something incredibly funny about how medical professionnals are so unaware of trans bodies&issues&general existence, so when they meet you and you can tell they've never met anyone else like you before, their questions basically all end up sounding like "what stage of transgenderism are you at ?" but extremely awkward like.. i don't know whats next on the menu, do You even know what the menu is at all ? why do you ask ? it's hilarious

[waluijoe]

ask polly

[waluijoe]

chat is it really kind and lovercore to always go out of your way to tell people that you loved for a long time that they can come back to you anytime if they want to and you will always make a small space for their words and them and want to know how they are and remind them you loved them once so they will always be loved by you again or is it really just pathetic groveling because youre not ever able to stop loving people who betray abandon and dismiss you again and again and again with no second thought because you might have represented something to them once but all in all they never truly loved you entirely as a person but more as the idea of who you were to them and what you couldve been and so giving you up is quite easy, its quite light, its just the order of things

[waluijoe]

thinking about it now i think it mightve been more pathetic than brave and now i feel incredibly stupid and ashamed of myself but then again when does the shame ever give way for a better feeling and also when is it lying to me and when is it not

was really brave tonight and did somthing that was like level10 of anxiety and panic for me and came out alive but honestly never again

[waluijoe]

was really brave tonight and did somthing that was like level10 of anxiety and panic for me and came out alive but honestly never again

[waluijoe]

all my money for christmas presents went into bills i am the earth's biggest loser

[waluijoe]

pple who have a bully mentality make me so angry so quick, all bark no bite unless they're in front of a person who they feel isn't gonna say anything back because they're scared or too nice, and suddenly it's yap yap yap talking like a toxic mom and being condescending and mean spirited.. they always have to take their anger out on other pple like a 8yo tamper tantrum good fcking lord

[waluijoe]

their last ana skins were just so so good i thought trust was back !!! betrayal

[waluijoe]

you can Not be serious.... like.. he's so fkcing ugly im sorry but its time to fire whoever made those final design choices

[waluijoe]

home of sexuals moodboard

[waluijoe]

litcherally arcane occupies 80% of my brain during the week its wild

[waluijoe]

my mind is just full of jayce with his dirty clothes and exhausted eyes and dad beard and unkempt hair im getting gayer by the second i would forgive any of his crimes

[waluijoe]

always funny when random pple make comments like "only straight guys play this game" "only cismen watch this" "ive never seen one lesbian play this" im sorry you don't know enough weird gay people but we're literally everywhere...

[waluijoe]

how do people genuinely thrive alone aren't we all plagued by The Thoughts™

feels like i don't exist when i don't go to work