#i thought a barbarian would be more useful tbh it's good that you can use rage to impose disadvantage though

[catinfroghat]

I still like gale the most closely followed by lae'zel I think... She has such sad eyes sometimes

[allykakamatsu]

Twisted Wonderland DnD

Title says it all, basically here's what I think the NRC boys classes and species would be in Dnd

Notes:

This is me trying to adapt their powers not what they would pick, for example if I was going on what they'd pick Epel with be a goliath barbarian

Everyone's going to have a level cap of 15, with the exceptions of Leona, Malleus and Lilia cause they're noticeably older than everyone else so I felt fair giving them a few more levels due to more experienced.

I'm sticking to cannon species if I can, but I will be mixing it up in the cases where either A, there isn't a good substitute or B, I think it would be funny.

Just cause I like to I tried to give everyone a multi-class. Also this is being done with base 5e rules so none of the new 2024 stuff.

Obviously this is just for fun idc about being optimal here.

And with that House Keeping done, let's go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riddle: Human, 3 Zealot Barbarian 12 Abjuration wizard

A caster with barbarian levels, well if there was ever a way to prove this was just for fun this would be it- Jokes aside the subclass doesn't matter too much here, I just had to squeak some barb levels in here cause of Riddle being a very angry boi plus him somehow having the strength to throw Floyd across the room during their orientation. The wizard levels are more straightforward, he's a smart boi and abjuration is where all the 'no magic allowed' spells are so yeah.

Ace: Human, 8 Arcane Trickster Rogue 7 Glamour Bards

Unlike everyone else sans Ortho, I didn't really have any unique magic stuff to use as a baseline for Ace, however one of his talents is sleight of hand tricks so I figured rogue would be a good fit, and Arcane Trickster with it's invisible mage hand in particular would be pretty fitting. As for bard, that one's mainly to show that he's a show off and Glamour is the one I always kinda see as the most flashy. Plus, look me in the eye and tell me Ace wouldn't be a Vicious Mockery spammer.

Deuce: Human, 5 Champion Fighter 10 Redemption Paladin

Probably one of the easiest ones for me to figure out tbh. Some flavour of fighter for his delinquent days and him getting into a lot of fights then (I went champion cause of crits but tbh any could work), and then redemption paladin cause he's trying his god damn hardest to be a good boi now, not much more to it.

Trey: Human, 8 Transmutation Wizard 7 Shepard Druid

And in contrast to Deuce being one of the easiest to figure out, Trey might just be tied for the hardest because I did not know where to begin here. Eventually I went transmutation wizard cause all of it's spells are about changing something which fits with his UM, and then Druid due to the nature and healing spells combo being a decent fit for his cooking and his big brother instincts. Again, this is the one I'm least sure on so if you have any other ideas please tell me.

Cater: Half Elf, 10 Lore Bard 5 Illusion Wizard

That moment when I have to justify the species more than the class-. Tldr, some writers, namely @ladyazurith , have sold me on the concept of half fae Cater so I wanted to throw that in, and since their isn't a half fairy race half elf will have to do. Meanwhile the class was really easy, Illusion wizard cause while there's no spell that quite replicates 'Split Card' their collection comes close, and lore bard cause Cater as a bard just feels right, though I'm open to thoughts on the subclass.

(rest underneath cut). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leona: Tabaxi, 5 Battle Master Fighter, 11 Storm Sorcerer

I love my lazy cat man, in general but also here cause he's easy to figure out. Any fighter subclass would've worked, I just went battle master cause some of the manoeuvres like tripping felt like things Leona would do in a fight, and the Sorcerer levels were mainly cause I wanted to get him disintegrate which was the closest spell I could find to King's Roar, I just went storm cause none of the other sorcerer origins seemed like the best fit

Ruggie: Tabaxi, 12 Thief Rogue 3 Enchantment Wizard:

Another simple enough one. Given his upbringing thief rogue just made way to much sense, and as for enchantment wizard well, that's the school of magic Hideous Laughter and it's stronger Tasha version belong to and that's such a good fit for 'Laugh for Me' it's not even funny.

Jack: Shifter, 10 Moon Druid 5 Cavalier Fighter

Thank you Savannahclaw for being simple- Jokes aside, Moon Druid is the class all about better wildshape, the ability that lets you turn into animals so it's perfect for 'Unleash the Beast', and again the subclass didn't matter too much for the fighter I just wanted it for more melee strength (+Jack wanting to copy Leona) and I went cavalier cause I thought it would be funny if he got the bonuses when he was the mount- Also went shifter cause there's no werewolf race and I had to improvise

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azul: Simic Hybrid, 10 Fathomless Warlock 5 Whispers Bard

And in complete contrast to the last dorm the Octotrio were collectively a pain to figure out. Eventually I did settle on this though. There's no octopus race so I went Simic Hybrid purely because it can have all kinds of aquatic limbs including octopus tentacles so 'close enough' and Whispers is the spy bard so all the public charms plus a lot of sneakiness. As for warlock, look, I know realistically Azul would more likely be a patron than someone making a devil deal given how he is, but I couldn't resist plus nothing's stopping him from making deals of his own to take down his boss-

Jade: Triton, 10 Spores Druid 5 Whispers Bard

Before anyone makes the joke yes the twins being a species named Triton is ironic but again I didn't have the best options here. That aside, the class here was easy enough, the bard levels were mainly for fast friends and zone of truth which combined make a pretty good representation of 'Shock the Heart' and I went Whispers for the same reason as Azul. As for the druid levels well, Jade clearly loves nature given how he started the Mountain Lovers Club and all, wildshape is a good way for him to turn back into his true form, and well, Circle of Spores specifically is a creepy mushroom themed subclass which just fits way too well.

Floyd: Triton, 2 Land Druid 13 Hexblade Warlock

Despite how long this one took me to figure out this one's pretty simple. Druid for wildshape though unlike Jade Floyd isn't sticking around nearly as long, and Hexblade cause well, I wasn't actively writing down spell lists but I was keeping them in mind and out of all the classes that had the spells I wanted for him (shield and counterspell to try recreate 'Bind the Heart') warlock was the only one that gave any kind of melee game, plus idk Floyd does seem like the type to find a cursed sword and keep it as a pet. Also,I'm not going into abilities but he also absolutely gets the grappler feat cause boy has gotta squeeze.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kalim: High Elf, 12 Divine Soul Sorcerer 3 Creation Bard

After the fishies gave me a lot of trouble we're back to simple thank god. Kalim does scream sorcerer to me due to the 'being born with more magic without having to work as hard for it' thing (I mean this with love I love my sunshine boy) and I went with Divine Soul to kinda reference Kalim being one of only three students at NRC to use light magic plus given all the assassination attempts the various healing spells it comes with probably come in handy (also sorcerer's in general are good with con saves which is what you need to beat poison). The bard levels are pretty much just cause he likes performing and making people smile, subclass doesn't matter too much, and lastly high elves are like the typical high magic rich people race which I think is a good fit.

Jamil: Yuan-ti, 4 Assassin Rogue 11 Enchantment Wizard

Time for my babygirl everyone- My bias aside this one was fun and thankfully pretty simple. I went with Yuan-ti cause that's the snake race and I couldn't help myself (also it has advantage on poison saves so extra fitting), Assassin Rogue cause rogue is generally a good class for getting through social interactions, notably with deception which is fitting, plus I have a sinking feeling Jamil at least knows how to kill if not has already done so. And finally, enchantment wizard cause that's where all the mind control spells are, notably level 11 is when you get mass suggestion which is basically what Jamil did at the end of book 4.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vil: Human, 10 Alchemist Artificer 5 Glamour Bard

I know I could've been more creative with the species choice here but Vil was one of the first I worked on and I wasn't going full hog wild yet- That aside, this one was surprisingly simple, Vil is the best potion maker out of the dorm specifically dedicated to that so the subclass that's all about making potions was just way too fitting, and glamour bard because Vil is absolutely a bard and I tend to associate this one with being the most bright and showy which is a public image I think Vil would like.

Rook: Wood Elf, 12 Fey Wanderer Ranger 3 Eloquence Bard

A rare case where I knew the class right away but the subclasses were hard to nail down. I know hunter ranger seems like the obvious one but tbh I'm not crazy on it and the 2014 version especially is kinda boring so I looked at the others and I think Fey Wanderer fits Rook a bit better cause of his love of beauty and all Fey being pretty in their own weird little way, plus it's more light themed and since he's one of the light magic students I wanted to lean into that. Meanwhile I think the bard stuff he picked up from Vil and I went eloquence cause that one's all about the fancy words which Rook is full of. As for the species, I have no deeper reason other than Wood Elf feeling right admittedly-

Epel: Halfling, 3 Wild Magic Barbarian 12 Swords Bard

Sorry Epel, I love you but in my mind you're a tiny boy holding a comically large axe- As for why I didn't push that gag further, well that's mainly cause I wanted to replicate UM when I can, and for Epel the closest I could get with my level cap+multiclass rules was Wall of Force so he had to go caster, and since I realised the rest of Pomfiore were at least part bard I decided Epel can join in on the 'fun'. Though I did do him the mercy of picking College of Swords cause Vil can force this angry boi to play music and charm people but he's gonna do it in the most violent way possible-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idia: Fire Genasi, 10 Battlesmith Artificer 5 Shadow Sorcerer

This was easier than I was expecting ngl. Tldr, Fire Genasi was the closest I could get to... whatever is going on with his biology, Artificer is the resident builder class so it's a good fit and battlesmith in particular is all about making weapons which is kind of what Idia did with Ortho, and Shadow Sorcerer cause his weird blood basically mandated some sorcerer levels and shadow is all about death which fits Idia's deal pretty well.

Ortho: Warforged, 8 PSI Fighter 7 Shadow Sorcerer:

And in complete contrast to his brother, Ortho is probably tied with Trey for the character I had the hardest time with but hopefully this'll do. Warforged is the resident robot race so that was a shoe in, I just kinda assume Idia used some of his magic to create Ortho hence the sorcerer levels plus spells like magic missile is the closest I can get to his laser beams, and fighter cause it's the generically good combat class, again subclass is debatable. I tried but I have no idea what I was doing for this one tbh-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Malleus: Fairy, 12 Draconic Sorcerer 5 Dreams Druid

Okay, I know Dragonborn is the obvious species here but man is literally the prince of the Fae and there's plenty of spells to transform into dragons so screw it Malleus is a fairy. Other than that it's pretty straight forward, Draconic Sorcerer cause no duh, and Dreams Druid cause A, Fae prince aka tied to nature and B, after book 7 I don't think I need to explain why Malleus having a sleep themes class is fitting.

Silver: Human, 13 Twilight Cleric 2 Dreams Druid

Okay, hear me out with the class here, namely cleric cause I don't think I have to explain Dreams Druid here either. Tldr, I wanted Silver to have plane shift cause that was the closest thing I could find to his UM. Unfortunately it's a high level spell so I can't properly fit in a martial class while keeping to my level limit. Fortunately cleric is one of the classes that has Plane Shift and it's good with melee weapons as well as armour, plus it's all about holy aka light magic so it's honestly kind of perfect. Also I went Twilight Domain cause Lilia found him at night and it's a nice way of showing how despite where he was from Silver true place is with the Fae rather than his birth family.

Lilia: Dhampir, 5 Eldritch Knight Fighter 15 Bladesinger Wizard

Okay I know I should've made Lilia a fairy along with Malleus but we all joke that Lilia's a vampire so when I remembered Dhampir was an option I couldn't resist. That aside everything else is fairly simple, a melee fighter with spell access in Eldritch Knight and a caster that prefers to fight at melee in Bladesinger, perfect for a former war general, and this way most of his actual spells can go to fun utility options, as well as more... questionable spells like ones to 'help' with his cooking.

Sebek: Lizardfolk, 10 Ancients Paladin 5 Storm Sorcerer

Again, there isn't a half fairy option so I had to get creative, but instead of just going half elf again I decided to do a silly and lean into the crocodile jokes. As for the classes, Storm Sorcery was mainly for the lightning spell access, and paladin was just too good of a fit for Sebek. I was tempted to go Crown due to his loyalty to Malleus but I decided on Ancients due to his pride in his Fae side but this one is pretty debatable. Though a bonus for paladins in general is Aura of Protection which provides allies advantage against fear.... the situation was more despair instead of fear but it still works pretty well for a certain moment in book 7

If you made it this far, thank you for indulging my bullshit

[perfectlovevn]

Hm... So I really like reading manga and manhua and one of the more popular themes right now is the whole player/dangueon/tower motive/theme. So I was wondering....

- if all 3 Milos were to be siblings (triplets), what would their other potential names be? The thought of Milo's parents using the same name for all their 3 sons makes me giggle. But yeah, pre! Milo would still be Milo but what about the other versions? Or any nicknames to distinguish the Milos?

- What kind of powers would they have? Any elemental powers? Psychological?

- Preferred weapon?

- Impulsive, tactical or too cautious and careful?

- What's their class?

And a very random question:

- What would each Milos' and your head sound like? It could be a song or a sound that is used to describe it. Like my brain switches between calm weaves hitting the shore and alternative metal tbh

Thank you, have a picture of two of my cats!

Waah such cute cats!

Hard to say. I think there was someone who made names for the three of them as headcannons. I think it would be neat if the two of them were named after either someone who is manipulative and violent or named after their animals of choice. The animal nicknames might be more prominent. I'm not good with names I could barely come up with Milo's name lol.

PreMilo I think would have some sort of healing or support powers. He seems like he would be more on the support rather than the offensive. For a weapon I'd imagine he'd have more of a shield or maybe some sort of lesser weapon since I don't think he's the type to fight. Definitely on the careful side since he doesn't want to get hurt or have others get hurt. Some sort of healer or buff class (and sacrifices his own health to help others type deal). Hmm, in terms of sound, I guess something cute but shy. I don't really have a song to it. Maybe something to the tone of Yr the best (though not quite the contents of it).

Manipulation Milo would definitely have some sort of psychic powers either things like mind reading or like delusions or something along those lines. His weapon is probably something simple like a dagger or I think it would be hilarious if he had some sort of gun as well. He is for sure very tactical since he likes to analyze the enemy's weaknesses and play around with them if possible. Class wise maybe some sort of thief or magic user. In terms of song, I can imagine something that starts out slow and becomes more deranged as the song goes on.

Violence Milo has some sort of physical based power whether it be super strength or turning his body into metal or something like that. I can imagine he has some sort of heavy weapon, like a hammer, but he would have some sort of blunt weapon, so a bat might be best. Very impulsive and will attack without warning if you're not careful. Classwise probably like a barbarian or a fighter. Song wise I think some sort of heavy metal or heavy rock.

Perfect Milo must be some sort of super boss...

[triassictriserratops]

Since Peeta is Bi (in fanon for most people) how do you think people react to it, like I assume especially since Panem isn't really a accepting place that there would definitely be some false rumours, but what I personally think would be a popular rumour would be calling Peeta promiscuous (I think thats the word? Idk I'm dumb) mainly because I see that as a popular thought that Bi people can't be monogamous or faithful, just because they like both means they can't stay with one person, which is a weird idea. Tbh idk where I'm going with this ask I kinda just wanted to share my idea of Peeta being labelled as unfaithful for his bisexuality and him just gasping like how dare they assume that

Hokay, so, everything I'm about to say is just my opinions/theories since there isn't really enough information in the text to have a definitive answer. I'd definitely LOVE to hear other people's thoughts on this, tho! As for how queer identity is likely accepted in Panem - I think it depends on what side of the divide you live on.

THE CAPITOL

i think that The Capitol is likely pretty queer friendly. So much of the "fashion" and "artistry" of the Capitol is so reminiscent of 1950s ball culture that it's difficult not to see some sort of cultural inspiration.

I think that likely an aspect of the "panem et circenses" we see at play in the Capitol would hinge on excessive freedoms of expression. You have the freedom (obligation) to be anything and everything you want. You have to spend to excess, have sex to excess, follow fashion trends to excess - otherwise are you any more elite than any of the barbarians in the districts? (This level of pressure and expectation is what I think leads us to the credit/debtors prisons/avox pipeline that is hinted at in the books) If the above is true then I could very much see the Capitol encouraging the exploration of sex and sexuality - maybe even more as a "trend" or a fetishization of sexuality than natural identity

THE DISTRICTS

I believe that the districts are subjected to the levels of forced breeding that we see in the underserved communities in the United States today. It is to the Capitol's benefit to keep the masses poor, hungry, and constantly supplying new generations of children to act as a continuation of the entertainment fodder and the work force. Ergo, little to no medical facilities, little to no access to birth control, little to no sex ed, and little to no social services or resources. This leads me to believe that the Capitol would likely force restrictions on same sex couples. I don't think it would be outright banning or criminalization - but I do see them passing ordinances that same sex married couples do not receive government assigned housing. (Especially under the pretense of the houses being meant for "family and child stability" or some nonsense. Something that would, on it's face, look good to the average Capitolite. "Look how wonderful we are to them! We provide homes so people can build families!" I could also see them say that same sex couples aren't allowed to adopt children as that can be a potential "abuse of the tessera system". This would be spun as "preventing children from being taken advantage of for extra food portions." So, basically, it would be an undue hardship to be a queer person within the districts of Panem. Going further down the hole, i think it would be a HUGE no-no within the Merchant (or equivalent in other districts) classes. Life in the districts as a Merchant is heavily reliant on succession. These business have existed for generations and are passed down within the family. The merchants also maintain ownership by, as much as possible, marrying within other businesses versus marrying into the Seam.

A young, queer adult in the Merchant class would likely be as heavily ostracized as Katniss' mother was for marrying into the Seam.

DISTRICT 13

I theorize that, especially after the illness that wiped out a majority of the population - especially the children - of District 13, that this District is likely the HARSHEST on same sex attraction.

I definitely see this district as having heavy restrictions on sex in order to control and prioritize insemination and fertilization. Hence why someone like Dalton was given the field of work that he was given, coming from the cattle farms of District 10. As for the second part of your ask, Peeta Mellark Everdeen would LAUGH at anyone who would dare suggest he would cheat on his wife. He's been married since he was 5, thank you very much.

[t4tozier]

hello. starbreaker ask moment!! first of all, wanted to say that your playlists are absolutely excellent; have been going through them, and Good Looking and Coming Down being on jace's playlist both hit me like a ton of bricks. (the latter, I've always loved and WHOA is it applicable; the former is new to me, and WHOA is it also applicable.) second of all, your takes on what classes the two of them would be if they couldn't, for whatever reason, be their canon ones? (sorcerer and barbarian/paladin, respectively.) typed all that out and went "wait, am I also asking for class swap AU here? whoa" so that's a subset question if you're interested in that too!

yay i'm so glad you enjoy the playlists i have been listening to the starbreaker and porter ones nonstop. i'm ngl i haven't even listened to jace's all the way through yet because his songs are like slow and sad for the most part and i just haven't been in that mood. i actually moved a lot of songs from shattered over to smoke and iron because i needed to make a jace playlist and i thought it was fun to have shattered reflect more of the hatefuck dynamic and jace's playlist to be the obsessive religious devotion songs. i cannot take the credit for coming down that was all my darling natalie beeprich but i do think good looking is so jace. i can't remember when/where i found that one tbh i remember hearing the song before but it may have come up on the suggested for shattered which is how i come up with a lot of my playlists.

okay now to the actual question lol!! this is sooo fascinating i really have to think about it. this is going under a cut bc it’s already too long

i can't see jace as anything other than a caster but i think he has the stats for bard, specifically eloquence bard.

silver tongue means he can practically never fail a deception or persuasion check

unfailing and infectious inspiration aren't as useful to a solo adventurer, but i can see a young fresh jace excited to join a party and then be left with all of these useful abilities that he rarely gets the opportunity to use. it does end up coming in handy later on when he starts working with porter and the rat grinders (plus, with the way his mirror image works, i could see him being able to grant them bardics as well)

porter was harder for me to figure out because it felt like a cop out to make him a fighter. but i think an interesting flip would be to see him as a full paladin instead. in my personal canon, i think he took the oath of devotion before switching to main-classing barbarian, but here, i'm thinking about oath of conquest paladin porter.

this part from dnd beyond specifically sticks out to me in relation to porter, especially with the "survival of the fittest" nature of his goliath background:

Strength Above All. You shall rule until a stronger one arises. Then you must grow mightier and meet the challenge, or fall to your own ruin.

he gets some great spells to intimidate and dominate, and at higher levels he has the ability to physically punish those who hurt him without even taking an action to do it. he also would get resistance to all damage at 20th level and would crit on a 19 or 20.

now in terms of class swaps:

i also felt it was a cop out to make jace a wild magic barbarian, so instead, we're going with the path of the zealot. this ties in well with the deification of porter, and i also think it's funny that it's a hell of a lot easier to raise him from the dead than anyone else due to a lack of needing material components for revivify or any other spell to raise the dead. porter PWKs him? just call buddy over, he'll be back in under a minute. i also think Rage makes for a very fun dynamic between the two of them; jace rises from the dead and immediately goes for porter's throat. he just throws a shocking grasp back at him. it's fun we're having fun :)

i think it is also fun to have porter be a draconic bloodline sorcerer. he gets additional AC from his draconic resilience, and he can resist lightning damage which is rarer than other types of resistance. he also gets dragon wings which i just think is cool. i don't really see porter as a caster in general but i do think for someone who values his ancestry so much he would take pride in getting his magic from his bloodline.

[lambergeier]

2023 bookpost 🥳🥳🥳

43 books read this year! about 2/3rds of last year's number, but i fell off pace in summer and for the last two months and never actually have a target or care about my pace anyways, so 43 is a good solid number imho. as last year, full list with light commentary below, recs are bolded:

JANUARY

Neuromancer by William Gibson

The Browns of California: The Family Dynasty that Transformed a State and Shaped a Nation by Miriam Pawel (i am punished for my desire to learn more about the two governors brown's effects on the state of california with: family hagiography. should have known tbh)

Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman (SOOOOOO GOOD. apocalyptic/religious horror in 1350's france during the black plauge. for fans of the terror, and fans of people who are in love but for whom the love won't alwayshelp!)

The Mirror and the Light by Hilary Mantel (hilary ilu u were one of the greatest novelists of the past hundred years it was an honor to be alive at the same time as you. this could have been 200 pages shorter. ilu tho)

Did Ye Hear Mammy Died? by Seamas O’Reilly (short, sweet childhood memoir of the irish writer/comedian who, famously, tweeted that story about meeting the president of ireland on ketamine.)

FEBRUARY

Either/Or by Elif Bautman (girls can i tell you. i didn't realize this was a sequel until like 100 pages into the book. that was on me.)

Two Doctors Gorski by Isaac Fellman (ah mr fellman. lol)

The Swimmers by Julie Otsuka (really cool piece of fiction, first half told from the collective viewpoint of a group of regulars at a public swimming pool, second half about the one specific swimmer who's losing her independence to dementia. short, packs a punch)

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (UNDEFEATED!)

One Man’s Terrorist: a Political History of the IRA by Peter Finn

Nightcrawlers by Leila Mottley (love to see local 22yos succeed wildly. does NOT mean this book was good god bless)

MARCH

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa

The Passenger by Cormac McCarthy

Stella Maris by Cormac McCarthy (to be clear, if you are not a cormac mccarthy fan, these books will not make you his fan. they are very much about this man's incredible hopelessness regarding a world that has invented and used the atomic bomb. what can be redeemed, etc etc. i loved them, despite a major part of the plot being consensual sibling incest, they were beautiful and phenomenal, they were not light reading)

APRIL

A Smile in his Lifetime by Joseph Hansen

Glory by NoViolet Bulawayo (cannot recommend the audiobook highly enough. emma read the paper copy to catch up to where i was in the audiobook so we could listen together on a car trip, and she agreesTM that the audiobook is the way to go)

MAY

Barbarian Days by William Finnegan

The Dark Lord of Derkholm by Dianna Wynne Jones

JUNE

We Don’t Know Ourselves by Fintan O’Toole (really really really cool nonfiction about ireland since the 1950s, part autobiography, more parts cultural history of a very quickly changing nation. fascinating to read this within 12 months of finn's one man's terrorist, which was a very leftist history of the IRA, and keefe's say nothing, which was an only very slightly leftist history of the IRA that was most interested in like, how compelling the history is (not a drag on it). o'toole not as big on the IRA as the other two! understandable!)

JULY

The Binding by Bridget Collins

The War That Killed Achilles by Caroline Alexander (for all fans of the history of the story of the illiad!!! short and passionate!)

Flux by Jinwoo Chong (solid new debut scifi - who thought it could still happen!)

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy

The Witch King by Martha Wells (this book sucked ass!!! have mentioned this several times already this year!!!)

An Oral History of the New York Commune, 2052–2072 by Eman Abdelhadi and M. E. O'Brien (some things about this book were fun, many were infuriating, absolute worst had to be the insistence that in the future: therapy would solve even more problems that it does today :))

The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt (see my beautiful wife's post on the subject)

Stay True by Hua Hsu (beautiful, deserves the pulitzer, not 100% my thing but still very good)

AUGUST

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (the voice was hard to get used to for the first 50 pages, but i ended up really liking this tbh. i've never read copperfield, so not sure if that improved the experience)

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

The Boys by Katie Hafner (a mistake to read this, but at least the twist was funny! there wasn't anything else in the book, but only a partial waste of time at the end)

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin (finally read this, which has truly polarized my extended social circle, but i ended up liking it. i didn't always get what it was doing 100% of the time, and didn't so much feel compelled to find out, but i tore through it and will always be a sucker for a story about that doesn't fix you but does keep you alive. can see both sides of this debate)

American Overdose: The Opioid Tragedy in Three Acts by Chris McGreal (we have to kill every sackler. solid history of the epidemic. EVERY sackler.)

SEPTEMBER

The Season by Kristen Richardson (half-baked history of the debutante social ritual. but, not like there's many other histories of the subject!)

All the Horses of Iceland by Sarah Tolmie

Big Swiss by Jen Beagin (funny, contained extensive dirtbag lesbian behaviors, but lacked some heft at the end)

In Memoriam by Alice Winn (do you s2b2? do you want some solid, tome-like origfic? do you want all of those things and also siegfried sassoon rpf? well great news!)

Now We Shall Be Entirely Free by Andrew Miller (pleaseeeeeee tell me if you have read this or do read this it was SOOOOOO GOOD and i had NEVER heard of this guy before!!! fantastically written prose, everything builds with infinite dread to a single horrible punchline, i am still wowed thinking about it)

The Trees by Percival Everett (haha hey wanna get fucked up. dark dark dark comedy)

OCTOBER

Flowers from the Storm by Laura Kinsale (really enjoyable if slightly overlong romance novel that i got off a rec list for historical romances with disabled love interests. does a really good interesting job of giving the love interest full breadth and agency despite severe processing impairment following a stroke)

Mobility by Linda Kiesling

The Rachel Incident by Rachel O’Donahughe

NOVEMBER

NO BOOK NOVEMBER MFS

DECEMBER

Not Even the Dead by Juan Gómez Bárcena (would also like to know if anyone else has read this so we can try and figure out what the fuck was going on right at the end!! also the fact that this is primarily about mexican history, written by a spaniard, with the specter of the US very prominent in the book is like. hm i would love to be able to read some mexican press reviews of this lol)

When Crack Was King: A People's History of a Misunderstood Era by Donovan X. Ramsey (picked this up following the opioid book, which discussed but didn't go deep on how the country's reaction to the opioid epidemic was so vastly different from the crack epidemic. put a lot of stuff into context lmao.)

WAIT AT SOME POINT THIS YEAR I REREAD RUMO AND HIS MIRACULOUS ADVENTURES BY WALTER MOERS. I DON'T KNOW WHEN. DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN. BUT I DID REREAD IT. 44 BOOKS. shout out to mr. moers for writing some extremely fucking creepy books for teenagers <3

okay i was gonna do more about like general trends and vibes of this year's books, also about the four books i am still reading rn lol, but i have been typing for soooooooooooo long so i'm just gonna reblog with more thots in the morning. stay prepared everyone

[mrcrowblargs]

been a little while since I updated my BG3 log and I got lots done aaaa feeling excited and a bit sad that I'm nearing the end. I've really enjoyed this adventure.

After Cazador, took Gale to visit Mystra. Got some big news but I urged him to seek forgiveness and freedom over anything. I like that Gale is on the surface one of the good guys but he can fall into power corrupts as easily as say, Astarion.

On the hunt for the House of Grief I ran into THE WORST FUCKING QUEST EVER OH MY GODDDDDD this haunted ass house handed my ass to me over and over. I hated every inch of it.

Fashion time! It's so late in the game that you find new underwear

got one little tag on my doodle comic like "OP is in denial about the rotting teeth" and im just like I DONT SEE IT HONESTLY??? they just look yellow and like there's a of a snaggletooth.

More plot based stuff under the cut!

Wrapping up Shadowheart's quest was harder than Astarion's by virtue of TWENTY FUCKING ENEMIES I had to restart twice before the first round ended... made liberal use of Hypnotic Pattern. I didn't find it as cathartic an end as Astarion's but there was still definitely like, a release. And I love Shadowheart's last line there.

The reward was great tho. My bard now has 24 CHA baybeeeyyy

time to rescue Lae'zel (she was kidnapped before Cazador) and OH SHIT THATS THE SKULL FROM THE MAIN MENU SCREEN??? AAAA The Baahlists are a bitch and a half with all their murder status effects and I was SO GLAD I respecced Karlach into Barbarian 8 / Thief 4 for that extra cunning action when the "defeat this guy before he casts Power Word Kill at you" fight came up. What a fucking mess that was.

Fighting Orin was easier... I was not expecting her to transform into a big dumb monster honestly! I expected she would be teleporting around or use some shapeshift abiltiy to be all annoying but it was a really straight forward fight.

Oh, aaaaaannnd I did not fight Sarevok, so that was another Weird Ritual to inspire my tav. He's now an unholy assassin and I'm sure Astarion must appreciate the smell of being absolutely soaked in blood. I don't feel too bad about killing Valeria because she seemed like a terrible detective though I did have karlach skip her turns in the fight because I couldn't imagine her being for it. Like it's just pathetic.

Took Astarion to the drow twin courtesans... tbh I appreciate the game showing like, yes he is healing and doing better but some things you just don't get over right away. But I also want to get the spray bottle out like dude!!! don't force yourself!!!

I used a growth elixir on Karlach for the Orin fight which didn't use up that many character resources and the elixir lasted all day so... directly to the House of Hope with Karlarge it was!

Bit of a visual glitch because it reappeared later but it was nice to see Aldrich without the raccoon eyes and veins again. Just went around sitting on things in Raphael's house.

AND THEN UH???? UHH??? This supremely awkward scene with Raphael's personal incubus who looks exactly like him??? I didn't wanna start a fight because I thought Raph himself might show up but I could not pass the fucking Con check afgkdd

"you can have my body but not my soul" AGSFKHDDS???? I'm jelly tho I wish I had these eyes (but more purple) for Aldrich

Reloading and fighting the incubus was absolutely worth it for this Speak With Dead bit. the answer: he bottoms exclusively.

AND THEN THE FIGHT WITH THE BIG DEVIL HIMSELF!!!! I was already amazed when vocals dropped into the fight music BUT THEN HE WAS SIGNING HIS OWN BATTLE MUSIC???? It absolutely slapped. Amazing fight. I had Hope with me and convinced Yurlgirldsbfjs whatever his name is to join which greatly reduced the chaos. The only criticism I have is that it was a big of a slog getting Raphael down from 666 HP. but damn what a great loot payoff!

Getting near the end now. Of outstanding quests I have now, I gotta pass the hammer off to Voss, find/recruit Minsc, see if anything else is in the sewers, then sabotague the Steel Watch factory, infiltrate the Iron Throne, and confront Gortash. Then we'll see how it goes for the finale.

I'm still kinda worried what it will mean for my Tav going partially illithid and also aiming for freeing Orpheus. Seems like freedom really rides on the guy cooperating with us.

[gardenergulfie]

Hello mutual in law gardnergulfie. Could I perhaps inquire about the npcs from dnd

So that "cow man" is named Simon and he's a member of the rival adventuring party to my players! I'll tell you all about them rn!

(Art by @autisticzedaph and @cuuno)

Ok so Simon, Simon McOwens, is a minotaur wizard (formerly a paladin till situation caused him to renounce his oath) and he's the leader of the rival party. He's a friendly but sometimes awkward guy who's charisma comes from just how outgoing he is! He'll cheer for you even if the two of you are racing! He's the one who has the wrangle the more rowdy members of his group in line, to varying degrees of success. Oh and also he's Transhet and uses he/him pronouns!

Next is Nectarine Everloam: a dwarf artificer and the unoffcial second in command of the group. The voice I do for her is based on Fluttershy MLP and thats a pretty good indicator of her personality. Thought quiet and shy, she's actually quite respected by her group and can silence some of them with a look and a few words. She doesn't get angry, just disappointed (which is worse honestly). She also has a lil pet mouse construct! Deffo has adhd/autism. She uses she/her and is a lesbian!

Then we have Took Lil-Tell: an owlin ranger/warlock who wants you to think its a rogue! Very much the "Oh he's a lil guy -> oh he's a bit fucked up actually!" Looks like a sweet, trustworthy tbh creature, big fan of knives, mischief, and thievery. But look at their lil face, you wouldn't hurt them would you? No, you can't, and while you're unable to fight them they're snickering and giggling at you. Awful, I love him. It's aroallo and uses it/they/he btw!

Finally we have the beloved bastard: Sir Finley Prayfallow. A rune knight fighter tabaxi who should probably start investing in barbarian because Wow is she easily riled up. This cat is Miles Edgeworth meets Pirate Joe and he sucks soooo bad. Like, most stuck up cat Ever. British /neg. Kinda pathetic too. I love her, I hate her, she lives in my head rent free. He literally went to a school for knights and yet somehow has the strangest honor code ever. He would call you a slur but only one he can reclaim himself. I hope he changes or dies <3. Also she uses he/she and is very gay.

So yeah those are my blorbos I have Many More in my backpockets but those are the main ones me and the party obsess over. Hope this is enough info!

[krysmiss]

Weekly Tag Wednesday!!

Thank you pocket friends for tagging me! @mybrainismelted @such-a-barbarian @skylerwinchester @jrooc @lingy910y @dynamic-power @juliakayyy

1. which character from any media would you like to have as a father? Jack from This is Us. I need to rewatch but from what I remember, I think I'd like him as a dad. (Even though he dies when they're still kids)

2. if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have? A big cat. Either a tiger or lion.

3. what is your Chinese takeout order?  Usually something very basic like sesame chicken. Usually with lo mein unless I actually like the fried rice from the place.

4. what's your favorite emoji? I’m currently very into 🫠 and 😂

5. would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house? Yes.

6. what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly? Ohh so many. I loved Arthur, The Berenstain Bears, Reading Rainbow, Liberty Kids... to name a few.

7. what was your tumblr like when you first joined? Oof that was so long ago lol. My Tumblr is basically a synopsis of my obsessions and interests throughout the years but is also full of random shit that I choose to reblog. I think that I'm alot more active and interactive with people now though.

8. what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself? Eh I don't really pay attention to clothing styles tbh.

9. if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best? Mmm since I'm currently watching it, Bob's Burgers. Or SpongeBob. With a refresher, I think I'd do pretty good around Hogwarts too. Also maybe BOTW.

10. what is your favorite piece of art? I seriously considered putting a picture of Noel and Cam for this because I think that they are both gorgeous pieces of art but I won't. I don't have an answer to this though so...

11. do you have a water bottle? what does it look like? I have a few actually that I switch out. I usually always have one for home and one that I take and use at work though.

12. what fanfic trope is a quiet fave? Probably slow burn.

13. do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what's the weirdest thing in it? A basic crossbody bag. Uhh idk how weird it is but I have crystals in it that I carry with me.

14. if you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be? Probably Carl because they’d be absolutely ridiculous together.

15. what is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did? I don't normally venture outside of my normal tropes (canon compliant, smut, fluff and angst) but I am currently reading LRPD for fic club and I am so glad that I am. It has been SO good so far and I'm upset that I don't have as much free time as I used to have to read more but I'm making my way through it. So alternate first meeting? Slow burn? Whatever trope LRPD is - that.

16. Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian? I don't think so but I think that Mickey has tried. (I just thought of something so fucking sad about Ian being in a downswing and Mickey tries to carry him to bed but he realizes that he can't anymore and he gets mad at himself because he feels helpless. Fuck 😥)

17. who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house? First person that I thought of was Carl but idk if that fits him anymore since he's a cop now. Ohh but I'll stick to that. It's not really used anymore though he just has it hanging up at the Alibi as more of an ode to his childhood and the Southside.

Super late but tagging a few peeps: @gallabitch73 @depressedstressedlemonzest @softmick and @jademickian unless you've already done it or don't want to - if so then here's a kitty for you 🐈 😊

[nerd-at-sea5]

AAAAAA OKAY!!!

ITS GONNA BE A LONG ONE SO STRAP IN

so its a fantasy novel, but i didnt like how most fantasy books/movies have the same kinda bland cast w no diversity and a similar plot

so i took inspo from myself and my friends and create a main cast of 3 characters (and one baby dragon) and they go on really random quests trying to find.....something. (i havent come up w it yet tbh) and honestly in my notes ive been calling it 'the holy grail' (blame monty python)

the three characters are azrael, ripley and aeron and a quick little rundown of these guys (ill try not to give too much away!!!)

azrael is a changeling warlock, chaotic evil, and they are selectively mute, communicating mainly with HSL (human sign language) and other times with writing down their thoughts. they are nonbinary and use they/them pronouns but would honestly just prefer not to be referred to at all. they have extensive scarring due to an. uh. interesting event from their childhood (...) and use both magic and a knife interchangeably as weapons. they are mainly inspired by more darker parts of my brain, and don't mind getting their hands bloody. if they see a child being mistreated, or religion being used as an excuse or buffer for harm, theres going to be hell to pay. racially ambigous bc i haven't found a face i think fits them yet lol)

(lazarus is their dragon companion whom they can communicate with telepathically. dont ask me how im working on it lol)

aeron is a half elf fighter on her moms side (her dads a human), true neutral is black and trans femme (and autistic)! she's super atsy and does a lot of her own tattoos and makes jewelry for herself & friends. she's unflinchingly loyal to those clse to her, but man does she hold a grudge. she wants to leave her mark wherever she can because she never knows who will find it one day. she's horrible at letting people go to her older brother dying via self-unalive and not leaving a note (dw he did but she doesn't know that...) so she will stick around until the bitter end (however, if someone is mistreating her she will leave.) main weapons are a bow and arrow or a slingshot!

ripley is a human barbarian, chaotic neutral, has adhd and uses they/them pronouns. very white and VERY VERY blonde. like so blonde its insane. ripley absolutely hates wearing shirts and will avoid them at all costs. they adore the outdoors and love swimming in rivers and climbing trees. they ran away for 2 years due to Family Issues and only came back to hit the road again, but this time with aeron. a firm believer that you have to earn respect. they struggle with their identity and if theyre a good person due to their anger and how it affects their abilities. however they are one of the funniest people you'll meet and they are a joy yo be around. gives 10/10 hugs. main weapons include a bat. and knuckle knives (this is a hand to hand mf)

other details: aeron and ripley are dating (also are childhood friends) azrael met them during a bar fight azrael is abt a year and a half older than ripley and a year older than aeron lazarus is about 500 but still just a baby!!

the book is called 'at the hands of fire and iron' explanation: aeron creates with her hands, azrael can summon fire, and ripley fights with iron

if anyone has anymore questions pls feel free to send me an ask!!

im working on my book again !!!

[metamagic-adept]

thoughts on druids (the class!) :)

thank you jack 💛💕

you know i love giving my thoughts on all things dnd builds

Stars and Spores are my favorite subclasses because they offer alternative uses for Wildshape. (Wildfire does too, but having a wildfire spirit, essentially a familiar who can fight, just isnt super appealing personally. Although having Revivify as a Circle Spell is tempting.) I love wildshaping into animals for utility, but not so muchfor combat. If you want to fight in Wildshape and keep up with your martial classes at higher levels, Circle of the Moon is the best choice. I've seen a Moon Druid/Bear Totem Barbarian absolutely tank in Wildshape, because she's raging and resistant to almost everything.

But back to my faves. Spores is fantastic because in the symbiotic entity you get the HP boost benefit of a Wildshape but can still cast spells, and is good for a melee build bc of that extra d6 necrotic damage on hits, and the halo of spores reaction. (The Unearthed Arcana version is better, and a bit broken, with Halo of Spores being even more damage without a save.) The only "problem" with Circle of Spores is that naddpod's Moonshine Cybin is so iconic in my mind that for a long time I couldnt think of a character concept that felt distinct from her. I finally fixed that with Daffodil Pickle, who is a Spores druid/ monk, but flavored like a Swarmkeeper Ranger. Instead of fungal spores, they are just surrounded by butterflies at all times.

In a combat heavy campaign, Stars is the best/strongest of the subclasses. Getting a guiding bolt, that doesnt even eat up spells slots, is fantastic. The constellations are each useful and having three options make your druid extremely versatile. The chalice makes for a great healer (i would know, Yarrow is the party's only one) and really stretches those healing spells. The archer's artow attack is the equivalent of a decent cantrip as a bonus action. And the dragon. The fucking dragon- not being able to roll below a 10 on concetration means, at minimum, a foe would need to do 20 damage in one hit to make you at risk of losing concentration. If you have a good con and proficiency (Multiclass or reslient feat) or Warcaster then youre looking at maintaining concentration after hits of up to 35 or 40 damage. That is clutch for some high lvl spells. Yarrow hasnt had much chance to use the Dragon yet, but I'll be so excited if we survive to higher levels. If i wasnt already playing Yarrow, I'd make a Stars Druid/Ranger multiclass for another game. I still might tbh, or at least plot it out just for fun.

I also like that all the subclasses have very different flavors. Nature has many different forms and i like the ways that informs backstory, aesthetic, and personality.

I originally wanted to do Circle of Dreams for Daffodil Pickle because it fit the Fey Vibes but it seems fairly underpowered in combat compared to a lot of the other subclasses.

[theaviskullguy]

since yall need to see it

i have a coroika fantasy/dnd au (it has some dnd elements but its not directly a dnd au) so have this

Goggles: Chaotic neutral human rouge

Noble background

thief

he a stealy boi

but he’s got a heart of gold

back when he was a noble he saw that there was a lot of people that needed help that his family didn’t even think about helping

so goggles took to stealing from his family and other’s riches and giving them to the poor.

As a result he was disowned and cast out from his family and earned the name “Blue Bandit” due to his thieving habits and his blue hair

Rider: Neutral good human barbarian

Soldier background

Basically Rider was born into a magic-using family but was known as the family disappointment by his parents and extended family since he had none of his own (his siblings were chill about it)

So he thought that he could make them proud by joining the military and becoming a hero of his village

And he did but his parent’s still hated him simply because he had no magic

So, Rider left his village to find something else to do

Army: True Neutral half-elf warlock

Noble background

Patron: Actually one I came up with named Phyria. She’s a fiend patron but she give extra fire spells

anyways, Army comes from a line of kings, each worshipping Phyria, known as the Blaze Kings.

Army’s father was the first to act as a Tyrant. He wanted to rule the world and groomed Army to do the same.

Basically, Army was manipulated to believe that he was the only one who was “pure”. Everyone else were filthy wrongdoers.

When Army’s dad died, it wasn’t made public, and Army ruled as The Blaze King with people still believing his father was the ruler

He got news of a rebellion (basically the gang having decided to go and stop him) and decided to go down and masquerade as...well, himself kind of.

As he traveled with them he began to question all he was taught to believe. 

So basically the gang lead him through an unintentional redemption arc.

Aloha: Chaotic good human bard

Entertainer background

of course aloha’s a bard

anyways, his parents died when he was 5 and he was taken in by his uncle, who ran a tavern.

As he grew up he learned how to make food, serve drinks, and became pretty well-liked in the town

But what Aloha really liked was the traveling bards that came and went at the tavern. He’d learn their songs by ear and sing along.

It came to the point where he was gifted a lute by one of them and his uncle sent him off to learn how to be a proper bard

And when Aloha came back ten years later his town had been burned down. Literally no one was left, and everything was just in ashes

Other than this one knife that had the tavern’s symbol on it.

So, Aloha took it with him in his travels.

He still has it and he still uses the lute given to him by the bard so long ago.

Mask: Chaotic neutral undead drow necromancer

hermit background

“Dude you made him an accidental lich” -My DM friend when I was explaining my idea to them

Basically Mask always had a close connection to the dead

He’d be mourning people he didn’t even know, he would talk to seemingly the void whenever at a grave, and he was always pretty close to death himself, being a pretty sickly person

So when he became an adult he hid himself in a cave, practicing his craft of necromancy

He brought back a sick cat he named Ash who decided to follow him around

Anyways as for the undead part

One day Mask got a nasty infection and he went to the market to get a cure

and he was scammed, getting a nasty poison instead

so Mask drank it and died, but somehow he came back as an undead himself

he decided “fuck it” and went off adventuring along with Ash

Skull: Lawful good Drow-Wood elf ranger

Urchin background

So basically Skull was born to two moms; a drow huntress and a wood elf archer.

He tends to look more like a drow though

anyways, he learned how to fight, hunt, gather, and shoot a bow and arrow thanks to his moms

he was also raised in a really pretty forest

his parents do be living the cottagecore dream...

anyways one day skull came back home after hunting (he had caught a raven all by himself and wanted to show his moms) when he found-suprise suprise-that his house had burnt down

his moms were alright and sent him to live in the city with his grandparents, while they go on a mission to find out who did this

problem is his grandparents hadn’t seen him before and don’t really like drow

so they kicked him-a 12 year old in elf years btw-on the streets

he taught himself to survive in the city-he didn’t know the way back to the forest-and after a few years of begging on the streets, and occasionally stealing, he finally had enough for a bow, quiver, and arrows. And he knew he could sustain himself by hunting for his own food and selling what he didn’t need

so he did just that

he commissioned a bow, arrows, and quiver and in the process met aviators- a wood elf who really loved crafting of any kind-who took on the job and made him a beautiful bow

as thanks, even though he payed, skull always made sure to give avi and his family extra food he collects.

and as time went on he and avi fell in love because aviskull supremacy

But later avi was relocated to a different city, so Skull and him made a promise to get married when they next saw each other

since then, skull joined the gang, took down a tyrant, and is now just searching for avi along the gang’s adventures

Prince: Lawful good High elf cleric

Acolyte background

basically-this is also emp’s backstory too-prince, emp, and prince’s twin regent are royals of a magic-based kingdom

but you see regent didn’t really like non magics, and thought they should be slaves under his rule

Prince and Emperor didn’t like that, so Emperor challenged Regent to a duel

you see, in the case of multiple heirs to the throne, the strongest one would ascend to become the ruler.

it would be prince, seeing as in addition to being a healer, his patron had given him a spellbook, filled with plenty of dark and powerful spells

but clerics and priests are forbidden to take on positions of political power.

so regent and emperor fought in battle and regent won, becoming king and his first act was exiling prince and emperor on the spot, not even letting them take the things in their rooms.

regent thought that, since prince had left his spellbook in his room, that he could now have access to the power his twin had, but prince was clever

when he had received the book, he placed a curse on it so only he may use it without repercussions. Anyone who even so much touched it would get a nasty curse only Prince or his patron can lift

 anyways so now regent’s paranoid that prince would somehow return, take the spellbook, and kill regent

also prince has a familiar with him; his kitten, kia.

Emperor: Lawful neutral High Elf Sorceror

Noble background

basically same backstory as prince tbh not much to say

Gloves: Chaotic Good halfling Druid

Outlander background

Basically, in the village they lived in, pink eyes are considered bad luck. so when gloves opened their eyes to show pink, their parents left them to die in the woods

jokes on them

Gloves was found and literally raised by wolves until they were 10 in halfling years

Then they got found by two human hunters and was taken in

Gloves just. ran away from them. They hated being constrained and punished for even mentioning that they missed the pack

They never found the pack again, but after years in the woods, they learned how to transform into a wolf themselves.

Nothing too big after that, just the bab joins the group and now the gang has a wolf enby!!!

And i dont have anything for Vintage...suggestions are welcome!!!!

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 1: 2x25 Bread and Circuses

Today, the Classic ep, Bread and Circuses aka Star Trek: Ancient Rome AU.

Literally all of the bridge is just standing around, watching Kirk, watching Spock.

Another missing ship hmm? The S.S. Beagle. With a crew of 47--that’s small. And surprise surprise, the Captain is someone ELSE that Kirk knows. Does he know everyone in the galaxy? Truly excellent at networking.

Feels like it’s been a while since Spock called him “Jim.” Possibly because this was written early in the season, when he still did that a lot?

Another Merchant Marine, or equivalent. Interesting.

He was kicked out of the Academy in his 5th year. How many years is the Academy? I always assumed 4 but maybe it’s longer if you count like extra trainings and stuff.

Kirk is so in love with Spock talking about the planet. His face has gone all soft again.

Excellent roads--the first clue it’s Rome. (The big televised gladiator fights is the second clue.)

“I believe they called it ‘video.’“ If there’s no TV in the 23rd century, what is their entertainment? Netflix?

“We’re beaming down”--dramatic shot--dun dun dun.

Yeaaaah triumvirate!! They’re really going hard with this dynamic at this point in the series and I’m here for it.

I feel like this is the first time they’ve called the Non-Interference Directive the Prime Directive but I could be wrong. It’s certainly the first time they’ve spelled it all out.

“Behold! I am the Arch Angel Gabriel!”

“We come from another...province.” That’s a very convincing delivery. Especially paired with those outfits.

You can tell this guy’s important because he’s the only one wearing cut offs.

“We have many beliefs.” I feel like McCoy is a Southern Baptist.

Flavius: “I know killing is evil. But maybe just this one time? As a treat?”

“That’s our ship, somewhere... at sea. Yeah, our ship at sea. Not in space. That would be wacky.”

This episode is LITERALLY  “Rome AU.”

I love Spock looking through those “Elite” magazines. Doing a little research.

"Captain, I thought you might find this interesting." Hands him a magazine with a buff man on the cover. Yeah, Kirk is definitely canonically bisexual.

And he likes that car, too.

Why do all of Kirk’s friends and/or heroes lose and it and become tyrannical? At this point, it’s becoming a distressing pattern.

The SPACE ACADEMY? Damn why didn’t they keep that name?

“My dear Mr. Spock.”

And Spock’s like “You got me there, that was an example of Logic.”

Oooh, nice knit hat. Spock needs more beanies.

The son/sun pun is inspired honestly and it makes the Enterprise crew look so silly like "So you heard the words of the sun, you crackpot?" whereas he means, "I heard the words of the Son," which makes so much more sense on its face.

This Spock and Bones banter is also inspired. “Doctor, you are stealing my word, please stop.” “Medical man are trained in logic.” “I had no idea they were trained.”

Flavius is a really good character. I feel like I really understand all the sides to him: the warrior who can’t quite untrain himself from the killing instinct, even after he’s converted to Christianity and vowed to be a pacifist who loves mankind.

The triumivrate would have had so much fun together in college. If Jim they were all the same age, knew each other then, and Jim weren’t a stick in the mud at that time. “He’s sick, he’s about to double over!” “I am? Oh, yeah, I am! So sick!”

Spock immediately grabs the sword. That’s that Vulcan Warrior instinct. He does love old weaponry.

I’m considering the possibility that Merrickus is another ex-boyfriend. The vibes aren’t as strong as with that guy from A Private Little War, but there was a charged sort of look between them just then.

“He knows who and what we are.” Aliens. You’re aliens.

Oh, you want 50 Vulcans? Fifty Vulcan pacifists for the arena? A rollicking good time.

“Beam... come ashore.” Kirk’s very good at the Prime Directive.

Haha Spock said it was “interesting,” not “fascinating.” McCoy stole his word so now he needs a new word.

Classic Bones and Spock philosophical debate.

“My word is my vessel, my oath, my crew.” I love him your honor.

His two dear friends! Don’t threaten them!

They really think they can threaten Jim into doing the wrong thing. Never! He’s too good!

Honestly, it’s not really the Prime Directive (which they have broken before) that stops him from just annihilating a whole city with his ship...it’s that that would be immoral in and of itself. He’s not obliterating a society lol. That’s not an option.

Uhura is very interested in Scotty and his plans.

I love the whole concept of Roman Gladiator Television. The fake-ass background and the sound stage. “Empire TV.” The fake applause, boos, and catcalls. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect to see in fanfic tbh.

“Two highly aggressive barbarians.” Aka Spock and McCoy looking confused.

Good thing Spock definitely trained with Vulcan swords for fun when he was a small child.

The pro consul  is obviously in love with Kirk. Who wouldn’t be?

I don’t know if I believe these not-so-ancient Romans are so strong or so smart. This is pretty standard threats and kidnapping. Also Merrick can cry me a river about how hard this all is and how sad he was to see his men die. He’s the First Citizen ! It worked out well for him. Except that he appears to be the pro consul’s bitch.

That was a real missed opportunity for “I’m a doctor, not a gladiator.”

Spock only knocks the guy out when he needs to get rid of him to help Bones!!

Okay, that Spock and Bones scene is one of THE BEST in the entire series. Between anyone! The tension. The emotion. The complex friendship. ...The way Bones 100% knows Spock has a thing for Kirk and there’s pretty much no other way to read that exchange. “You wouldn’t know what to do with a warm, decent feeling” and then Spock’s like ‘ah, got you there,’ eyebrow raise, ‘Really, Doctor?” and then Bones is IMMEDIATELY like oh, right, you’re in love with Jim, forgot about that.” Have they discussed this or is it just that obvious? How does Spock know that McCoy knows??

In other news, a gratuitous Kirk kissing scene. They’re not even trying to come up with a pretext for this at this point.

This TV Execution is about to be pre-empted...by Scotty.

“What did they do to you, Captain?” Spock is so worried!! This would be a good time to call him ‘Jim’ but he used up his quota earlier. And Kirk doesn’t want to explain. “They threw me a few curves. A few blonde curves.”

Flavius was killed?????????? NOOOOOOO.

...And Uhura finishes up the ep by explaining the pun. Honestly, I get that Spock wouldn’t get “they’re Christian actually” as the explanation for all this and I’m going to give Kirk a pass also because I headcanon him as Jewish but McCoy, who is almost 100% certainly some kinda Christian AND was the most interested in this ‘sun worshiper’ confusion should really have put that one together on his own.

So overall, a good episode! I’ve seen it quite a few times, I think, and it doesn’t disappoint. I enjoy the concept of ‘parallel Earth but what if MORE ROME,’ I think the son/sun pun confusion is nifty, and it’s an awesome triumvirate episode that really shows off Kirk’s leadership skills. So no complaints!

Next is Assignment: Earth, which is a complete cheat of an episode because it’s a back door pilot to a show that doesn’t exist, but it does have Spock holding a cat in the beginning, so I guess I’ll muddle through it. Then...starting S3 off with Spock’s Brain. A rough couple of weeks ahead. But the reward is The Enterprise Incident.

[dragonastra]

1-100 on the DnD questions, for Deah >:3

Wow you're sure as hell fishing to kill me huh xD

I'll answer these under a read more cuz FUCK. I'll also try to keep it spoiler free -- I may mention stuff that hasn't come up in game but it would be stuff that might not ever come up explicitly anyway. Everything else has either been said or can be gleaned.

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead Probably what she had been doing -- being a pirate

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life Probably Maddie and/or Gael. Maddie is a divine soul sorcerer and probably the one Deah is closest to. Gael is our barbarian/paladin who is probably the emotional backbone of the group? He is very earnest and genuine, and also hits like a brick house.

What are your character’s core moral beliefs? [Brushes off notes I made like a year ago] Promises must be kept, and debts one day fulfilled. Clean up the messes you made. Family is more important than self. Survival means not letting the past define you. (Not all morals but those are her ideals)

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings? She has a twin brother, whom she would die for. Their relationship used to be solid, but theyve currently broken apart somewhat due to lies and building tension, and the brother needing to go his own way. She is still very broken up about it. Her parents are both dead, and she has not spoken of much closeness there, but describes them as "they tried their best." Her pirate captain was basically a surrogate father for her teenage years and onward until their separation, and she... misses him.

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races? Not really. She probably doesnt trust ratfolk based on where she grew up, but beyond that? If you're good, you're good.

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority? (: fuck em. She is... shall we say... less inclined to help rich people.

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc. She's grown out her undercut so she has an asymmetrical style, one side of her head buzzed. She is still wearing her bright red pirate coat, but now wears a dark brown vest with purple accents underneath, as well as a long black sleeve to cover magical scars she received when she accepted a warlock pact with the hunter god. Also covering her scars is a gauntlet made by Maddie, so that they can't be detected by Detect Good and Evil and such.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most? Sometimes she still thinks about that nap she had on the beach at a random island they had stopped at to restock on food.

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? As i mentioned, she has a pact with the hunter god, Erastil. She does not worship him. In fact, she rather doesnt like gods much. She doesnt really understand other worshippers, but if they're not hurting anyone with it she doesn't really care. Their worship doesnt affect her.

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be? Let's get this binch some navigator's tools finally!

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. We are entirely online so we don't really have table seating. Based on the order of our nicknames in discord though, that would be... Haru, our new kitsune Oracle who joined us to fill a gap while some other players went on hiatus. Deah is uncertain about him, and she is generally pretty wary about strangers in her party, but he is useful. Their relationship is not deep by any means tbh.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? Stop the lord of the sea, and stop Aleksander.

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.? ;) you'll have to ask her

Has your character ever been in love? Before the campaign, certainly not. She's hella ace, and doesn't open up easily, so she's got some confusing feelings right now for Maddie ;)

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character The battle against Tokt, since this was the battle that she was able to help save a person from being possessed by a demon -- something she figured out beforehand and convinced her team about.

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? I mean... probably a fighter???? Or maybe a full warlock, if she was desperate enough.

What is your character’s favorite season? Probably the fall? Sailing is usually good during that time, plus the harvest is coming in on land, so there's a lot of fresh food.

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology? She would be an Aries based on her birthday! Our homebrew world just uses "Season Day" as time markers, with 90 days each season. She was born on Spring 12, which would translate to the first week of April.

Where in the world does your character most want to visit? She's been all over as an adventurer and a sailor. The place she'd like to visit the most is one she doesn't know about -- somewhere important to her old captain.

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made? Deah would maybe even say joining the pirates. It was the happiest she'd ever been, but it led her brother to a path he regrets and feels pain over, and she feels a... bit guilty about that.

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories? The only scars she has are from her pact to Erastil. She hides them, though. She's not ashamed of them, but she likes to keep them to herself... she's private like that.

What animal best represents your character? I always liken her to a hawk, especially a sea hawk. In some ways she’s like a cobra or a porcupine too -- kind of hard to get close to!

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? 😬

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? I don't know about most in common, really, but she gets along easiest with Ro, our halfling. Their banter is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻. Honestly though? She probably has the most in common with Mercy, our tiefling fighter/paladin.

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made? She probably regrets the party not staying behind in a certain town after a powerful enemy escaped. They thought the immediate threat had been dealt with and that another team from their guild could keep watch over the town, but then that team got surprised by an undead and two of them died. She feels at least partially responsible for that.

What would your character say their best trait would be? Her ability to perceive and track things. She has the observant feat plus the invocation that lets her see through even magical darkness!

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Being abandoned.

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party? No where else to go, really. Like, sure, she likes at least most of them and they've been through a lot!!! And she DOES you know, feel like this is a stable job, and she does feel good helping people. But... she really does have no where else to go. :(

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class? She does enjoy reading, though she's a little slow. Her favorite books are detective/mystery novels! She also sometimes likes to practice magic tricks (like... sleight of hand stuff). And technically this isnt outside of her class, but she really does enjoy training. Let's her burn off steam.

What would most people think when they first see your character? Pretty little waif, but that resting bitch face looks like she will cut me of I even say hello (this is by design).

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) [Googles five man band] probably Lancer. Initially she wanted to be the Leader type but with the group dynamics and her own insecurities and issues, that isnt really truly possible for her. But she still tries to lead...

What is your character the most insecure about? :)

What person does your character admire most? Her old ship captain. Her DEAD ship captain :(

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left? She admires maddie's strength and kindness (and to a degree, innocence). Maddie's cooking skills. Maddie's family. She dislikes how nervous/anxious and possibly depressed Maddie can get :c

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? Her lowest stat is strength, and her second lowest is constitution. This is because she grew up poor, and was at times starving and definitely malnourished. Once she was om the pirate ship, she was regularly fed though.

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music? I've been saying if she was in modern time, her favorite band would be Florence and the Machine. There's just something about the Florence sound that speaks to her. She'd definitely be into that kind of music, plus some heavier stuff leaning more towards metal or symphonic metal...

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.) She's got the soul of a goth but the hobbies of a jock (in our team's college AU she's totally on the fencing and sailing teams). When I've drawn her in modern day she is usually wearing athleisure (capris leggings, loose tank top, sports bra, e.g.) but also it's mostly dark colors. She's Joth.

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them? Toby :) just kidding, the pseudodragon isn't an item!!! Specifically collected during the adventure, probably her force blade. Her brother had found it, but had given it to her, near the beginning of the adventure.

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find? She's not really looking out for items, no.

Where does your character feel the most at home? On the beach, on the ship. Specific locations to call home, she does finally feel like she has a stable place to call home in the patty's estate.

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people? She's worn disguises and fake names before, but that's mostly to protect herself during her pirate years. She doesn't care a whole lot, but she does want to appear somewhat intimidating so that unsavoury people won't approach her LMAO. But she also wants to be seen as nice by children and poor folk, so she does soften a bit when they're around.

What does your character think is the true meaning of life? Happiness. Safety. Survival. Family/community.

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.) She's always got a slight scent of salt on her, reminding you just a bit of the sea. For herself, she prefers to just smell... clean, so there's a fresher floral scent lingering...

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? She tries to think more with her brain but sometimes the bottled up emotions get to be a bit much.

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare? BEING. ABANDONED.

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.) She hates (most) rich people and used to be a pirate, so you can kind of figure it out.

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends? :(

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?) I dunno man she is just taking things one step at a time.

What colors are associated with your character? Red is her primary color. She also uses blacks/dark grays and a light purple as an accent. She's using more brown now tho to represent her connection to the hunter god.

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances? Maddie always. Then Ro. Then Gael. Haru would probably be up there because he is squishy and also mostly blind.

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos? A mix of pathos and logos is most effective on Deah. Logos probably most of all, but there are pathos buttons that hold away above all that... if you know which buttons to press.

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for? Currently? To bring back her pirate captain. She knows its selfish but...

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.? Her favorite spell is stab with rapier.

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party? She keeps secrets pretty regularly! Basically if the party needs to know, then the secret should be shared. But if it doesnt really affect the group or something important, and the person doesnt want to share, then go ahead and keep the secret.

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by? Dragons probably, at this point. Definitely an influence by me the player, haha, but it's buoyed by an early meeting with a particular dragon that sparked her interest.

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she didnt have life plans as a kid. She just wanted her and her brother to live.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond? That's already happened LMAO. Deah didnt know how to react so her brain blur screened and she ran away from the situation for a bit.

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with? If it only involved herself, Deah would probably go do it. But if it was a huge net loss for the group, she wouldn't, if that makes sense? It's hard to make sweeping statements like that.

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s? She values her own interest for sure, but she would prioritize the party's if one meant dunking on the other. She knows what it's like to sail with a tight knit crew; sometimes you sacrifice to make the group as a whole better/happier.

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Oh gosh, uh.... I mean, if they decide to help her enemies (not likely to happen, there are a couple shared ones). If they don't let her do something she REALLY wants... I can't really think of anything specific.

How does your character imagine the way they will die? Tragically. 

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Taming her pseudodragon ;w;

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal? Hmm... not to a certain degree. Eh, probably not. She only really wants to risk herself, not others. Risking others doesn't give them the choice.

What is your character’s opinion on killing others? She does it all the time!! But if they're defenseless or not fighting back, she won't.

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage? She really loves fresh baked bread!! As for beverage, uh.... I guess she'd like water with like, something fruity mixed in???

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know? To the poor and to kids? Very. Also, recently, she gave all of the money she got from a quest to a townsperson to help them rebuild their city a bit (secretly of course. Not even her team knows she did that, though maybe some of them suspect hahaha)

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party? Once again... probably most envious of Maddie!! She comes up a lot doesn't she ;P

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe? Maddie vs Haru? Shed probably lean towards Maddie :p

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex? I've described Deah as Panromantic Asexual. She is rather sex averse and has difficulty pinpointing romantic feelings as well, being rather prickly at times.

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve? When people try to dig into something she doesn't want to share at the moment.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc. The current objective/situation involves her backstory, so you'll see soon ;)

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Maddie of course! She trusts Gael, but not with secrets. Similarly, she trusts Mercy to hold an oath to the best of her ability, but not if a secret comes up -- same with Rudi. Ro does what she wants LMAO and she isnt telling Haru anything personal atm.

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life? I dont want to think about that question and neither does Deah

What makes your character feel safe? Having her weapons. Having her pact/her pact scars.

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be? Nah, she likes Fortune's Blades

What memory does your character want to forget the most? Cal leaving. It's probably her most painful memory.

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? She's already multi classed and her reasons for becoming a warlock are kind of muddied. She explained them initially but maaaaybe wasn't 100% truthful. If she had to pick a third, probably uh.... fighter?????

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?) I would HOPE she would be friends with Elizabeth Swan (: but idk lol

What unusual talents does your character possess? Sharp senses and magic tricks.

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower? It's rather situational. She tries to be a leader type, but she also realizes she's not at the top of the leader chain (and, with her party, at times different people take the head, so it's almost more consult-y like).

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?) The player of Cal, her brother, chose his name first from a generator. I like to construct my names sometimes from different name elements, so I made hers to match the sound of her twin's (that is, make it sound like it came from the same language). Her name is constructed of "Feld-" (field) and "-Deah" (dye) so her first name translates roughly to "field of dye." Her original last name is Shearwater, which is a real life sea bird but also follows the traditional elven naming convention (their dad was an elf). She never felt much of an attachment to her last name. She recently changed her last name to Blackheart, which was the moniker of her captain.

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert? Introvert for sure

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all? She would go as far as she needs to, but would never force others to make that same decision.

What does your character want to be remembered by? At one point she thought she would eventually be a famous pirate captain. But mostly I think she just wants to be remembered by those who love her and by those she helped...

What would be your character’s major in college? Fuck, uh... I had discussed this before.... I think I made her pre-law??? Math major???

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else? Something else. She doesn't really care about that, she's just Being.

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I believe last it was discussed I had picked the Chariot for her.

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years? If not dead from adventuring, then settled somewhere nice, hopefully...

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it? For a long time she was the Sokka of the group, the only non-magic user. Then she got her pact. She's still kind of awkward about it, and at times really doesn't like magic, but she sees it as a tool. A means to an end.

Who is your character’s biggest rival? Rival?????? I guess Morrigan tbh??? Cuz a rival isn't an enemy, and she had a thing going with Morrigan (her player is on hiatus tho). In some ways she rivals Mercy too. A dance of similarities and differences.

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure? Fine, beautiful dresses. She doesn't own any, because it's a waste of money, but.... she wants them. Secretly.

What does your character hope for the afterlife? Peace and rest.

Who in the party does your character trust the least? Haru, currently, simply by virtue of being new.

What is your character’s biggest flaw? BIGGEST flaw???? Uhhhmmm..... Her secrecy probably. Her tendency to run away from really big, painful problems, to bottle up her emotions around that until everything just gets worse.

How did your character learn the languages that they speak? Common, prucrician and Elvish she learned just growing up. Deep, she just... mysteriously knows. Doesn't know why she can speak it. Draconic she learned at first from Rudi, and then from a dragonborn NPC to finish her lessons during a timeskip.

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry? Rapier

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Why must she choose? Wealth, because that brings health and happiness in her eyes. (Because money buys food and when you have food.....)

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves? I know it's hard, but open up more. You don't have to keep it to yourself to protect others. Your brother can be your friend as well... you don't have to just keep holding yourself back for your friends and family.

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about? She doesn't feel super strongly about politics, having been a pirate. She feels strongly about protecting children and poor though, as I've mentioned.

What, currently, is your character the most curious about? The afterlife. Erastil, but specifically just that one god. Her ship captain.

[tigerkirby215]

I can’t make builds so let’s talk about the latest UA

I can’t make builds right now so let’s talk about Feats. I’m honestly a big fan of feats but I do think that ASIs are a little too strong by comparison in 5e. I feel like in order to compete with ASIs in 5e a Feat needs to do one of two things:

Offer new unique abilities that provide a large boost to your character’s capabilities so that taking them is worth sacrificing an ASI. (Feats like Crossbow Expert, Great Weapon Master, Warcaster, etc.)

(Half Feats) Provide a nice bonus to reward you for slower progression, or for having an uneven ability score to increase. (NOT ATHLETE, but feats like Linguist, Resilient, and the racial feats from Xanathar’s)

For the most part feats do accomplish these two concepts well but there are some feats that are laughably weak (Keen Mind, Weapon Master) while others are way too good. (Lucky.) I think that Feats should remain as options for players who want to build a specific build. They shouldn’t be the “best” choice but rather they should be inherently optional for those who want the power boost they provide.

With that in mind we got an Unearthed Arcana for Feats, and since I want to do more on this Tumblr than just make League of Legends builds I figured I’d throw my thoughts out into the wind.

Artificer Initiate

The main strength of this feat by far is that the spells are added to your spell list. This means that Artificer Initiate is a very easy way for just about any spellcaster to get access to Bless and Cure Wounds / Healing Word. These spells are fairly independent of their spellcasting modifier so getting both of them as a Wizard, Sorcerer, or even Warlock can be good in a pinch.

Other than that the ability to cast spells with tools is nice but ultimately pointless. It’s good if you’re playing an Artificer / Wizard multiclass but Artificers can already cast spells through their infusions. Ultimately this feature of the feat would work better if there were more Intelligence casters in 5e.

It’s a very fun feat for roleplay and has good utility, but I don’t think anyone’s going to be begging to get this feat.

4 / 5

Chef

How the mighty Gourmand and the “mighty” Song of Rest have fallen. Okay let me start with the obvious: the “treats” you can make are complete fucking trash. They’re laughably underwhelming and serve more as a ribbon ability than anything.

As for the Song of Rest-esque effect Song of Rest was already a grossly underwhelming ability for Bards. It’s really sad that it was so underwhelming they flat out gave it to everyone (at the cost of a feat) but I don’t think that harms the Bard class too much.

Just overall the feat really doesn’t live up to the fantasy of being a cook. Two underwhelming abilities for the price of an ASI? No thanks.

2 / 5

Crusher

“Hi I’m playing a Champion Fighter with a Warhammer!” The utility of this feat starts and ends with the critical hit modifier which I’m gonna be honest is insanely overpowered.

“But what about moving people? My Monk can now push people off cliffs!” Have you ever played a Minotaur? To be fair you probably haven’t. Pushing people around will hardly ever be useful. There’s perhaps niche utility in pushing someone away so you can run without provoking opportunity attacks but the Mobile feat does this so much better while also giving you additional movement.

Perhaps the only niche use of this feat is that it can increase your DEX, making it a good Half Feat for Monks that isn’t fucking Athlete.

1 / 5

Eldritch Adept

I really like this feat. It’s kinda become a running gag on this account that I really like sticking Warlock levels into things, and while it isn’t just for the invocations that’s definitely a big part of it. There’s a lot of really cool invocations that you can grab to make your character mildly magical without messing them up by multiclassing. To name all the invocations you can get as a non-Warlock:

Armor of Shadows is, has, and always will be the invocation you take more for character flavor than for practicality. Reddit has been theorycrafting how to break this feat with an Abjuration Wizard but I think that’s a bit too niche.

Beast Speech is really cute conceptually but will rarely be useful. I can guarantee that every single Druid and Ranger is going to hoover up Eldritch Adept just to talk to their animal companion though! (This would’ve been a nice feat to put in my Kindred build if it had existed at the time.)

Beguiling Influence... take Skilled instead. Maybe some niche use for the Half-Elf Rogue who wants proficiency in literally every skill in the game.

Devil’s Sight! This is the main Invocation people are going to be looking for! Magical Darkness is incredibly hard to use effectively and this invocation is pretty much the only way to make it not completely useless?

Eldritch Sight: at-will Detect Magic is never a bad thing but it always suffered from opportunity cost. This makes it available for Bards.

Eyes of the Rune Keeper: just get the Comprehend Languages spell tbh. It’s a ritual after all.

Fiendish Vigor is alright. Decent on an Eldritch Knight as a backup Second Wind.

Gaze of Two Minds is far, FAR too situational to be useful.

Mask of Many Faces is a god-tier invocation for Arcane Tricksters. It ticks me off that you can’t take this feat as a non-caster for a regular Rogue to gain access to this.

Misty Visions depends on what your DM lets you get away with using Minor Illusion for.

Thief of Five Fates: just get Bane from another source.

It kinda bumbs me out that this feat is restricted to just magic users, and I feel like that part of the spell could be removed. Also kinda bumbs me out that you can’t blow two feats to get Agonizing Eldritch Blast (Magic Initiate [Warlock] + Eldritch Adept) but I sort of understand why that’s a thing. But invocations are the perfect example of something worth losing an ASI for.

5 / 5

Fey Touched

Here’s the first feat that I think is a little too good. Let’s get the elephant out of the room first: Fey Teleportation. The differences between the two feats are as follows:

Misty Step from Fey Teleportation comes back on a short rest.

Fey Teleportation is locked by race.

Fey Touched gives you two spells.

Fey Touched lets you add the spells to your spell list.

Oh and let’s talk about some of the spells that are in the Enchantment / Divination school: Bless, Command, Detect Magic, Dissonant Whispers, Heroism, Hex, Hunter's Mark, Identify, and Sleep. (Just to name the notable choices.)

This feat should’ve been a full feat (no ASI.) Adding both Misty Step and Hex to your spell list as a Cleric or Paladin is more than enough to make this feat OP. If Artificer Initiate is a full feat than this should be too.

5 / 5 - OP award for being OP

Fighting Initiate

This should be a half feat. Actually: this should be merged with Weapon Master. I personally already Homebrew the Weapon Master Feat to do this along with the effects of Weapon Master (+3 weapons, +STR or DEX.)

If this was done as an eratta to Weapon Master (instead of its own feat) the feat could be taken by Wizards who want a way to defend themselves, Rogues who want more options Scimitars cough while also honing their own skills, or Barbarians who just finally want a fighting style. I’m glad something like this is finally being considered but please just buff Weapon Master instead.

4 / 5

Gunner

Crossbow expert for guns. A lot of people interpret this as a silent endorsement of guns in D&D or a hint at a potential official gunslinger (sub)class but really I just think Jeremy Crawford got sick of people asking him “does Crossbow Expert work with guns?” on Twitter.

gun / 5

Metamagic Adept

IE the feat that’s making Reddit throw a hissy fit. Does this suddenly make the Sorcerer class useless? Well excluding the fact that Sorcerers get way more sorcery points, metamagic options, and the ability to turn their spell slots into Sorcery points (and vice-versa)? Put bluntly your options are:

Make (Charisma Mod) creatures succeed their saving throw for your spell. (Rarely going to be used unless you’re already a Charisma caster.)

Double the range of your spell. (Maybe useful for a Cleric to extend the range of Cure Wounds idk.)

Reroll (Charisma Mod) damage die. (Kinda useful for spells that roll few dice.)

Double the duration of your spell. (Perhaps some niche use with certain spells.)

Can’t use Heightened Spell

Can cast one spell / cantrip as a Bonus Action. (One use of a bonus action spell isn’t really worth a whole feat.)

Cast 2 spells without verbal or somatic components. (Can’t be counterspelled!)

Make a spell of first or second level hit two targets. (Actually has some niche use for certain spells. Particularly nice to get extra value out of healing spells.)

(UA)

Change the damage type of a spell. (Maybe useful for Tempest Clerics? But barely.)

Ignore cover. (Very rarely useful.)

Reroll a spell attack once. (Kinda meh; might be useful if you have a very big attack roll spell but you probably won’t.)

I think the main thing Reddit is upset about is two uses of Subtle Spell for a Wizard but... if your player took anti-counter spell insurance instead of an ASI let them have it? Chances are you’re way too counter spell-obsessed if the Wizard casting a good spell once and awhile ruins your game.

As for the feat itself? The two that rely on your Charisma mod are hard to use for that exact reason. Beyond that there are some interesting ones beyond “anti-counter spell insurance” but I feel like two Sorcery points to use on metamagics isn’t enough. Probably a testament to how underwhelming the Sorcerer class is as a whole.

3 / 5

Piercer

It’s Savage Attacker and Brutal Critical combined in one half feat. I guess if you’re using Piercing weapons but I can’t shake the feeling that Savage Attacker would be the better option.

One interesting thing to note is that essentially all ranged weapons do piercing damage, and this feat doesn’t have a melee limitation like Savage Attacker. This could be a good feat for a bow fighter to do more reliable damage.

The irony though is that even though this is essentially just Savage Attacker I’m forced to say it’s overpowered since it provides more utility than Savage Attacker (assuming you don’t use weapons that don’t do piercing damage) as a half feat. This isn’t really a testament to this feat being overpowered, but rather that Savage Attacker should honestly probably be a half feat as well.

2 / 5

Poisoner

This is how poisons should work! It’s perfect for someone who wants it, and it looks well-balanced overall. The gold cost, action economy, and CON save requirements makes this feat fair for the DM.

It’s interesting that this feat allows you to ignore resistance to poison but not immunity. Poison was one of the elements Elemental Adept couldn’t affect which was part of the reason that Green Draconic Sorcerer was so bad (among the zillion and one other problems with Poison damage.) Overall this feat is really awesome but it’s held back by poison damage as a whole in 5e. Basically if this was for any other damage type than poison it would be great (which makes me wonder what this feat would be like with flaming poison.)

4 / 5

Practiced Expert

This is basically a slightly worse version of the Prodigy feat but it’s a half-feat and it’s for all races instead of just for humans and half-races... honestly  Prodigy is such a shit feat that I see no issue with this. I already let non-humans take Prodigy in my campaigns. My only real complaint is that this feat proves that Prodigy (as well as the Skilled feat) should probably be half feats.

4 / 5

Shadow Touched

Darkness is very hard to use without abilities to see through it (Devil’s Sight.) But other than that what can you get? Disguise Self? Just take Eldritch Adept instead for unlimited Disguise Self. There are very few low-level Illusion / Necromancy spells when compared to Divination / Enchantment. There are some midway decent ones (Inflict Wounds) but is it really worth it to lose an ASI for Darkness and Inflict Wounds? Put bluntly: no. Maybe some niche use for Darkness spam Warlocks to get an extra “spell slot” but it’s still underwhelming.

2 / 5

Shield Training

It’s nice to be able to grab a shield as a caster who likely has their off-hand open anyways. It’s also nice for a fighter to be able to “chance stances” and drop their AC in exchange for harder hits. The only part that bugs me about this feat is that the fantasy of an arcane caster using a shield as a focus is weird to me. I feel like there should at least be some sort of gold cost to convert a shield into a “not-quite Ruby of the War Mage” that can be used as an Arcane Focus.

3 / 5

Slasher

This feel like the best of the damage feats since it actually lets you do some unique stuff. Being able to slow enemies (without fucking Sentinel) lets melee fighters keep their allies safe, and giving allies disadvantage to hit you allows you to be a lot sturdier.

The sad truth is that this is probably the most underwhelming of the damage feats though. It’s very hard to use this feat as anything other than a Swashbuckler Rogue, and in order to get Slashing damage as a Rogue (Scimitar) you’d need to blow another feat or do some multiclassing. Slows in melee range are largely useless, and the crit is unreliable. I really want this feat to be better.

4 / 5

Tandem Tactician

Here’s the one feat I honestly have a big problem with. I don’t think being able to Help as a Bonus Action makes this feat OP. (It’s nice for anyone to be able to gain access to a useful Bonus Action without multiclassing.) But the problem lies in the fact that this feat lets you affect two people with the Help action. This makes the ability to give two melee allies (such as your Rogue) Advantage even more broken. People can already testify to how strong Mastermind Rogue is for its action economy increase.

And the best part? This feat still fails at giving Bonus Action Economy to “everyone” since backline characters can’t use the 10 foot range Help. I’d much rather this feat be given 30 feet, and Mastermind Rogue given an eratta to have its ability reach 60 feet or something idk.

1 / 5 - OP and dumb award for being OP and dumb

Tracker

“LOL RANGER IS OFFICIALLY USELESS NOW XDDDD” Jokes aside Hunter’s Mark and tracking abilities is good value for a half feat. Magic Initiate (Warlock) or Fey Touched are still probably better than this feat, but if you need the Survival skill then this is helpful.

4 / 5

FINAL RATINGS

Favorite Feat: Eldritch Adept

Least Favorite Feat: Crusher

Most OP Feat: Tandem Tactician

Weakest Feat: Shadow Touched / Chef

Overall this Unearthed Arcana excites me because I’ve always liked Feats and thought that they were cool. In my opinion it’s much more interesting to create a character with unique abilities over one that’s just traditionally strong. A lot of these feats need revision but I hope that practically all of these get published so we can make some truly unique characters with them.

[suits-of-woe]

I would love to hear more about your DnD character(s)! I'm still such a newbie hehe but I love to hear what others are up to! (Also if you wanna put this on the other blog that's totally cool too) :)

Thanks for asking! I love going off about this stuff. Tagging my fellow DnD players @panhasablog and @illusion-of-death in case you guys are interested. This is very long, I’m sorry.

My current character (like I might have posted before) is vaguely based on Philip the Bastard from King John, but besides name and kind of backstory they don’t actually have that many similarities. My character’s name is Pippa Terrell and she’s a 16-year-old red draconic sorcerer who thought she was born to live a completely normal, down-trodden life as a factory worker (since the campaign setting is vaguely industrial revolution) until the day she got so angry at her supervisor mistreating a young girl that, oops, she set him on fire. Turned out, she had dragon blood, so she set off to try to become an adventurer.

My DM makes fun of me because I play DnD like a total English major and I like to have ~central themes~ around my characters. Pippa’s main theme is an exploration of the idea that power corrupts. What happens when you take a totally unremarkable, genuinely goodhearted but pretty un-heroic girl who’s been powerless all her life and suddenly give her more power than she’s ever dreamed of? Pippa’s magic is mostly fire-based and is volatile and dangerous. She can adapt it a bit to various circumstances, but there’s no question -- killing is what it does best. And being half red dragon (spoilers), her basest instincts tend toward violence and domination, so the few times she has killed someone, she’s been overcome by triumph and ecstasy before realizing what she’d done. But Pippa’s also been the victim of abuses of power all her life, and since she’s down to fight capitalists and eat the rich, she refuses to buy that some people are just meant to have power because they were born with it. Her philosophy is basically “if someone’s gonna have this super dangerous power, better me than somebody else” and she’s determined to prove that she can maintain her humanity and use her magic for good, even she’s terrified that she can’t fully trust herself to keep to that goal.

As for the campaign, the party has gained and lost a few members due to logistics, but her current best friend/awkward father figure is our Tiefling College of Swords Bard. They constantly snark at each other but really care about each other, even if they’ll only say it in emotional circumstances. He was there for her first kill and the trauma that followed, that time she met her red dragon dad and subsequently helped kill him (partially due to a failed insight check that I’m still salty about), and lots more family drama. Currently, the party is trying to defeat four elemental lords scattered across the world using some powerful artifacts they’ve found. Apparently they’re prophesied to be the ones to do this, which Pippa thinks is BS, because again, she’s not down with fate, and really distrusts anyone who wants to enlist her help because of how easily her magic can be used to hurt people. But we’ll see how it goes...

Mechanically, if you’re curious, Pippa is currently Sorcerer 6 (Red Draconic Bloodline)/Paladin 1 (Oath of Redemption) because she recently decided an oath might help her with the whole goal of not turning evil. Her alignment is Neutral Good. She’s a variant human with an Urchin background and I rolled quite high on her stats: STR: 13, DEX: 16, CON: 16, INT: 9, WIS: 13, CHA: 18. Her -1 to arcana checks as an uneducated magic user who doesn’t know SHIT about magic is a constant source of comedy. Between her high CON, Tough feat, and Draconic bloodline feature, she’s the world’s tankiest sorcerer at 74 HP. Her spells are currently: Create Bonfire, Fire Bolt, Message, Prestidigitation, Green Flame Blade, Control Flames (from a magic item), Chromatic Orb, Sleep, Healing Word (from a deal she struck with a god), Scorching Ray, Mirror Image, Dragon’s Breath (which I’m gonna drop soon tbh), Haste, and, of course, FIREBALL. Oh also, she speaks with my bad attempt at a lower class British/vaguely cockney accent :)

And very briefly, I have two other big DnD characters. For my past campaign, I played a changeling Mastermind Rogue named Kez. That was before I was good at RP and character building, so they weren’t super fleshed out, but they were super chaotic neutral, slippery, and non-committal. They also banged a storm giant once. And for my next campaign that my friend is working on setting up, I have big plans for Meriele Tyrvalsa, aka the least Barbarian-like Barbarian I could come up with. She’s a beautiful noble high-elf who smiles constantly, but she got kidnapped by a band of orcs a few years back and proceeded to fall in love and realize, after a century of being repressed as hell, letting loose and raging a bit might not be a bad thing. Until she was forced back to her family and once again became repressed :) as :) hell :) :) :) but that just makes her rage, when it comes out, even more terrifying.